#I think I'm getting better at talking about myself lol
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the call. I (sevika + vi)
SYNOPSIS: reddit: a place for thought-dumping and being horny [college au] WORD COUNT: 9.5K WARNINGS: this was supposed to be dark but its very crack-ish, sevika and vi play rugby(kinda minor plot tbh), oc is a crazy redditor and wears skirts, STALKING, 90% SMUT MDNI(fingering + phone sex + munching + mult orgasms + dirty talk, tensionnnn) brief mentions of grief and loss bc me, recreational drug use, JUST TOXIC, abby makes an appearance later A/N: WROTE THIS WITH MY BABY!!! @trackinglessons art by lottie my love my light my everything this is a product of #OVULATIONWEEK and the #ARCANETAKEOVER
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 3y
no one likes me.
i [f18] don’t have any friends. at all. i don’t have anyone that’s not family that likes me and sometimes im convinced my family regrets keeping me adound. i just moved cities for uni and haven’t been able to have a valuable conversation with anyone and im starting to think i’m the reason why. to be honest i’ve always been the “weird” one or whatever ppl at school called me. but i don’t think im weird at all. I think i’m nice but ppl treat me like a germ lol they just stare and whisper to each other but i know they’re talking about me
does anyone have any advice on being more approachable? or whatever i’m not even sure what to call it tbh.
kewlio313 • 3y
Everybody’s weird in college! You’re young and finding yourself. Join some organizations and put yourself out there! It’ll work out kid
artkiller OP • 3y
i wish there was a chess club lol
Margie • 3y
how do you go about approaching people?
artkiller OP • 3y
i just walk up and start talking about myself
Margie • 3y
Okay… and what’s their reaction?
artkiller OP • 3y
it’s different every time. sometimes they just leave, sometimes they laugh then leave, other times they’re outwardly mean. one guy told me to ‘shut the hell up bitch’ and i immediately wanted to commit a federal crime(not murder)
Margie • 3y
Goddamn lol. Maybe u r weird
miKrophone • 3y
shut up hoe
artkiller OP • 2y
?? :/
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 2y
Advice Needed
how do you know if you’re mentally ill?
hello fellow redditors. lol. i’m finally back… very odd first term i think i got ghosted or whatever it’s called by some dude on the hockey team but yeah i plotted homicide. i’m pretty sure that situation sent me into a spiral. i think im sick.
i’m not sure what’s going on with me but my thoughts have been really dark recently. not necessarily suicidal or harm inflicting(on myself) but… yeah… prettyyyy dark. idk. it’s weird what my brain conjures up sometimes. i guess im curious why my brain thinks the way it does. i’m not a bad person and i know that, but my brain makes me believe that i am. idk what to do at this point. i’ve never been to a professional and tbh i don’t think i should because i don’t wanna be admitted somewhere lol
kewlio313 • 2y
Welcome back kid. It’s often better to seek help even though it can be fucking horrifying, especially in adulthood. Get help and you’ll be fine
artkiller OP • 2y
and if i’m not fine? what do i do then?
kewlio313 • 2y
To be frank, I'm not sure. I’ve been through alot and even I don’t have clear direction on life. I’ve been allowing my intuition to guide me for some time. Just try it and see what happens. Rooting for you
artkiller OP • 2y
thank you
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 2y
Advice Needed
am i a lesbian?
i [f19] think im attracted to females. i can’t stop staring at their tits. i always assumed my middle school peeping was from jealousy or whatever the hell twitter said but now that i’m grown i think i wanna fuck girls. or like. girl adjacents??? idk the terminology or whatever.
PetersJoker • 2y
go eat some pussy and find out
artkiller OP • 2y
no fuckhead
kewlio313 • 2y
… Girl adjacents? Females? Are you actually 40?
artkiller OP • 2y
is this a dig
kewlio313 • 2y
You crack me up. Have you experimented before?
artkiller OP • 2y
i never passed a science class
kewlio313 • 2y
… Alright.
I meant hooking up. Have u kissed a girl before? Slept with one? Or whatever you youngins say these days?
artkiller OP • 2y
no. i’m not a slut lol i hardly go outside
kewlio313 • 2y
Finding out what you like isn’t being a slut. You’re in college for fucks sake. Find you someone to lay with, ya loser.
artkiller OP • 2y
or i should just shoot myself. less complicated then sex
kewlio313 • 2y
Maybe so, but they’re equally as messy.
ButchesForChrist • 2y
Questioning is usually the first sign. Lol
artkiller OP • 2y
fuck me
ButchesForChrist • 2y
Well
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 2y
what does sex feel like? (wlw)
[f19] just watched scissor porn for the first time. what the fuck was that. (i need it)
MisandristInTraining • 2y
the work of demons aka men
artkiller OP • 2y
i drink their blood
MisandristInTraining • 2y
Lmao
OnHorseback • 2y
Feels like dying but emotionally • 2y
artkiller OP • 2y
i wanna die physically
OnHorseback • 2y
I’m sure some dirty fuck can set that up for you
artkiller OP • 2y
lit
kewlio313 • 2y
Welcome to the dark side.
artkiller OP • 2y
flirt a little harder oldhead
ButchesForChrist • 2y
Ready to come out?
artkiller OP • 2y
of where
ButchesForChrist • 2y
Bitch…..
—
__
__
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 2y
home sweet home.
hello found family. been mia bc fuck school but i’m back… and i think im a sadist.
does anyone know where rugby originated from? i like watching large women be physical w each other and i wish they would harm me in similar ways. pls push me to the floor and stomp me out(specifically directed to one pink head) i’ve been thinking dirty things all day i need her so fucking bad. is this why ppl r so obsessed with sex? bc of hot people? i get it now. i need her to bend me over and put her cleat on my neck
lezziesthatembezzle • 2y
good morning to u too bitch
artkiller OP • 2y
big muscly girls pls rail me from da bck
lezziesthatembezzle • 2y
someone muzzle this thot
Accuntress • 2y
A dyke’s pride and joy: large women.
kewlio313 • 2y
This is crazily your most normal post. Missed ya. Do well in school
artkiller OP • 2y
:3 🩷
[deleted] • 2y
The cards are in my favor
artkiller OP • 2y
would you like to sex through private message?
[deleted] • 2y
What the fuck you crackhead
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 2y
Advice Needed
sex addiction while a virgin?
is this possible? i shouldn’t have watched ppl with big clits trib. quite criminal. even more criminal when i’ve imagined the girl i’ve been following around for the past 2 weeks doing it to me
[deleted] • 2y
is this who we are….
artkiller OP • 2y
obviously.
kewlio313 • 2y
This is my last straw.
artkiller OP • 2y
hugs xD
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 6mo
i’m confessing.
idc anymore. i don’t give a FUCK. i am in love. i [f21] am in love. the deepest kind i think. love at first sight truly. it’s the kind of love that’s painful. it kills and leaves behind trails of misery if betrayed or lost. whenever i see her, i cry from happiness. her joy is my joy. her hurt is my hurt. our hearts are forever intertwined no matter the distance. i’m writing this for her. if you ever see this: i love you, darling. there’s not a second that goes by where you’re not at the forefront of my mind. i’ll treasure everything we’ve built thus far, and promise to never take it for granted. i hope to die by your side.
i love you. i love you so much.
even if we’ve never spoken.
kewlio313 • 6mo
Yup… she’s lost it, folks. Very deep sigh.
ButchesForChrist • 5mo
That’s part of being a lesbian. She’ll live. Trust me
—
—
—
“Violet! … VIOLET!”
Why’s Sev always so loud in the goddamn library? The receptionist already has tacks on her behavior chart like some kindergartener. “I heard you! Jesus Christ, I’m sitting right fucking next to you—“
“I wouldn’t haveta fucking scream if you woulda answered me when I asked 3 days ago! Are you coming on Saturday?”
How does she tell Sev fuck no bitch I don’t wanna go in a polite manner? It’s the first weekend after Christmas break and quite frankly, she's already sick of being on campus. Vi loves her friend to death but holy fuck does she wish she had an off button.
“Just come the hell on and stop—“
“Dude, I—“
“You know it’s not gonna be fun if you’re not there! Half the bitches are comin’ for you! Plus… I think you could use a fun time after… y’know.” Sevika softens — only a bit, she's still Sevika. Hard ass.
She does know. At this point, who doesn’t? Her last year of university started on a bad foot when her family home caught aflame with her little sister and father still inside, but the icing on the cake was when her long term, blue-haired girlfriend sent her the can we talk? important text. Now she’s single with corpses for relatives(she thinks her sister would’ve found that funny). Her teammates returned to campus with her; eyes mournful and hearts sunk to the bottom of their stomachs, so prepared to shield and coddle when needed. Sev was one of them: through every breakdown and anxiety attack and hungry but nauseating night.
“I’m not tryna bring up old shit. You been through a lot and deserve some fun. That’s all I’m sayin’. Get your last bit of jitters out before the season starts.”
Vi nods. She gets it. Losing her sister was just as much of a loss for Sev as it was for her, but somehow, she was able to ease back into herself. Become… normal again. Socializing takes so much energy outta Violet, now. She’d rather go lift or go sock the shit outta rich person. In some ways, she wishes she had as much willpower as her friend.
She knows why Sev wants her to go. New pussy, new me, her and Abby once told her, but she’s not in the mood to smash right now. She’ll probably start crying if they don’t kiss both her cheeks before her nose like… Ugh. She shivers in disgust… and extreme longing. She misses her ex like crazy.
“I know. I’ll, uh, think about it.”
“M’kay… now what the fuck is epitactic theory.”
“Girl…”
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 12mi
Advice Needed
how crazy is it to ask for a threesome from two ppl that don’t know you?
[f21] i’m currently in my campus library watching my girlfriend study with her teammate from my stiff ass beanbag and i need them both like crack. how do i bring intercourse up without making it awkward or uncomfortable? help asap pls
also i might c her this weeknd she’s going out and i wanna go
CreamTeam • 5mi
Wait … so is she your girlfriend or not?? 😭😭
artkiller OP • 2mi
we have a complicated relationship🩷
ButchesForChrist • 1mi
Aka she’s stalking her. Scroll down a little
artkiller OP • 30s
stay out my business
CreamTeam • 1s
What the fuck
kewlio313 • 2mi
I thought we were better than this, honey.
artkiller OP • 30s
you prob are. im not
kewlio313 • 4s
Deep sigh.
Your phone drops from your jittery hands and into your lap, screen glowing with every disappointed reply from fucking Kewlio who you’ve grown to love. You like to call them a friend. A faceless, emotionally intelligent, oddly attractive friend who you’ve never met.
The love of your life is right there, as always. Exactly 34 steps away, past the shelves littered with history novels and biographies, sat at the table surrounded by Liberal Arts textbooks and her star-littered laptop. Black jacket, black shirt, ripped black jeans, hair dyed black: that’s new. Still streaked with pink and somehow you’re even more hungry for her. She’s looked a mess recently: beaten and bruised, coming to class with black eyes and bandages across her pretty nose. It makes you wanna burn down the entire Arts and Sciences building with everyone inside of it.
She’s annoyed with Sevika, you can tell. They’re talking about something. Maybe her sister, rest in peace. Or piss if she sucked. Whatever. A small part wishes you listened a little closer when she talked about Jinx(weird ass nickname, but okay) so you’d know exactly what to ask. She can take out any aggression or sadness on you anytime. In here, outside. You’d drop ‘em for her wherever.
Kewlio is a dirty liar. You’re not a stalker. You’re a fan, an admirer, a lover. Your girl’s simply unassuming… How the fuck is that your fault?
She won’t be like that for long, though.
Vi lost her cleats a few days ago. Her black and blue ones that are worn the hell down and hanging at the seams, but she loves them. Wears them almost every match despite how unsteady they make her on the field. They’re her lucky charm, besides you, of course.
Her lucky charm found her lucky charms.
And by found, you mean broke into her gym locker with the code you memorized 2 years ago and snagged ‘em. She should really get those locks changed before someone takes something important.
The explanation of how you found her cleats exactly? You’re not sure and you’re not dwelling. She’ll be so relieved that you found them that it won’t even matter. Might even drop to her knees and praise you like a God. Is she religious? One of the minor details you don’t know about her.
But you’ll find out soon enough. No worries at all.
You wonder how Caitlyn is doing.
—
Rabbit holes are either your best friend or worst enemy. Today, they’re straddling the fence. Your brain never shuts off when you're in a crisis. You’re ovulating, overstimulated, and searching for a cure from someone you’ve never said hello to.
The internet can solve your problems though. Especially if they’re sex-deprived millennials. Their long-term lack of human contact makes for some hilarious stories and useful what-not-to-dos.
how to finger a vagina
vagina g spot where is it
where is clit vagina
vagina map
scissoring hacks positions
lesbian sex how to
can lesbians do anal
is mommy kink a trauma response
Reddit searches are always on your side. All answers to the world at the tip of your fingers. You love the media! Squirting is not pee evidently. PornHub comments are not a reliable source. You should ask your girlfriend if she squirts.
Caitlyn would know. Fucking BITCH!
how to make girlfriend come
Mansplainer misogynists geeking about making their wives do housework while they sit on their asses and flirt with young Discordians. ‘I clap and she appears’
…
You should craft a bomb that only targets cis-het men because what the fuck is going on right now.
how to make girlfriend cum
‘[M48] I’ve never made my wife climax and we’ve been together for 15 years and have 2 children’
Your eyes are fucking burning. Is it bad to wish death on a person? Cursed imagery. Your fingers attempt to salvage the last bits of your sanity.
how to make girlfriend orgasm wlw
date ideas lesbian
am i crazy quiz
insanity quiz
You’re normal you’re okay you’re literally fine.
mental illness signs for lesbians
what does dying feel lik
“Ma’am.”
You gasp sharply. Librarian. Fuck oh shit
“Hi. We’re, uh, lockin’ up, so…”
You’re still at the library. How much time has passed? How many rabbit holes have you fallen into? Where’s your girlfriend? Her and Sev are gone…
But you know where to find your g-spot! Hooplah!
“Oh ye— Yeah! Uhh… bye.” You stand so fast you get whiplash. Your backpack beats against your back when you adjust the straps on your shoulders. Headphones on, music blasting, and just like that, the world is off and you’re on. Right into the darkness of the city.
You love a stripper’s playlist in times like this.
You love Reddit in times like this.
You walk and walk with an extra skip in your step. Time to drive Kewlio crazy.
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 1s
guys im happy
the joy that i feel rn is unmatched. i love my life. im so excited for the future. thank you god and or universe for these blessings
And post. Nothing could wipe the smile off your face. Nothing nothing nothing you love it here! You love school. You love your girlfriend and her friends and her sport.
“Oof—“
“AH—“
You back connects with the angles of your hardcovers and fuck you hope your laptop survived that drop. Not enough cushion in your bag to cover that fall fuck your life you hate everyone—
“YOU FU—“
“Holy fuckin’ shit I’m so sorry are you ok—“
And your mouth zips. Oh…
Oh.
Your girl’s in running shorts. Squeezing her thighs good ‘n tight and she glistens with sweat, brows pulled down in concern as she eyes you from above. If the fun was still out, the rays would dress her head like a halo. A heavenly sight. You’d die here… but not before a drop of her sweat falls on your face. You need that at least once. Zooweeema—
“Are you oka— fuck, gimme your hands, up ya go, c’mon—“
Oh she’s talking. And grabbing you.
Your hands are warmed by skin and your spine tickles when you’re pulled to your feet like a feather. The pain in your back and shoulders don’t fucking matter anymore. Life works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?
“Hi, Vi.”
“I’m— hey, uh… do we know each other?”
We love each other actually!
“No— I uh, sorry! I go to watch your matches and all that. Kinda a fan… Sorry if that’s weird—“
“No no no no, not weird at all. Uh, very flattering actually. ‘Preciate it.”
You’re gonna fucking pass out.
“Are you okay though? Nothing hurts, right?” And your knees wobble when a squeezing hand lands on your shoulder, gauging you for pain. No pain. Just deprived. Needy. Desperate. Touch me some more.
“M good.”
“Cool…” Her hand drops and you nearly screech like a banshee, “And your name? Sorry bout t—“
You interrupt with yours and she smiles. Nice to meet you, she says with gravel and your heart grows another heart inside of another heart. Holy fucking you’re boutta
“I like rugby.”
Kill yourself. You’re boutta kill yourself.
Vi’s eyes widened before nodding in agreement, “Yeah… me too. If it wasn’t obvious enough. It’s a great… stress reliever.”
So is sex, according to Sexcopedia.edu. Do me.
“Really? It looks painful sometimes.”
She sighs with tension, “It is. We gotta lot of aggressive people playing against us so we have to always… do more. I guess, I dunno. But whenever I’m mad it’s great. Very useful.”
“Are you mad often?”
“Are you studying psychology?” She pins with an arched, slit brow, but her eyes remain light and friendly. It’s funny, she doesn’t appear to be this approachable with her grunge-ness.
“Nah. I need to, though. Could do me some good.”
Her laugh is hearty. Genuine. “Shit, me too. Help me out.”
“Do you wanna be my friend?”
She seems stunned and you don’t know why. Doesn’t banter create friendship? Whatever. Fuck it. She can say no. You don’t care. You still got her shoe—
“Gimme your phone—”
Your heart drops to the floor, through the concrete, right into the center of the Earth’s crust waiting to burn and cease to exist. She’s got you figured out. You’ve been exposed and she’s gonna fry you in the middle of the damn street
“—I’ll put my number in.”
… Oh.
You meticulously make sure your notis are deleted and OFF before handing her your device with the keypad on display. Her fingers are pretty and nimble. Flexible with how slender they are. Pretty hands. Pretty, blue veins and you're instantly reminded of her ex. You hate the color blue.
She hands your phone back, “That’s me. Hit me up when you get… wherever you’re going. And lemme know if I need to cover your medical expenses for spinal cord surgery.”
You laugh. Really fucking loudly and she flinches, but smiles after. She’s so fucking cute! Is this flirting?
“Y-Yeah, I will.”
Her head tilts fondly, “Cool.”
“Cool.”
She gives you one last look before plugging her earbud in to continue her jog. You check her contact to make sure it’s real and fuck you have her fucking number! Fuck fuck fuck fuck
You leap like the happiest frog in the pond when she’s out of your line of view and a sharp pain whips through your shoulder blades.
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 3mi
lads i just got proposed to. spring wedding in sweden
number collected. so it begins.
kewlio313 • 48s
Christ help us all.
CreamTeam • 10s
Ring pics.
artkiller OP • 3s
cawk ring pics***
CreamTeam • 1s
Should’ve fuckin known. I hate you genuinely
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 30s
when’s a good time to text the girl you’re obsessed with?
[f21] soooo i’m laying in bed lookignat her contact and idk what to do. i’ve fantasized about this so many times and now its in my lap… im so used to shit going wrong that idk how to react to it going right. it’s kinda late but i really wanna talk to her but idk she might be sleep or whatever.
should i scale her building and check if she’s awake? :(
—
Vi doesn’t know why there’s a pit in her stomach. She sits on her teammate’s fluffy rug with a smoked out Sevika who patiently waits for her green light, but it hasn’t come. She feels an oncoming breakdown and she needs a babysitter just in case.
“Finish this for me?” A roach floats in front of Vi’s face before she pushes it away.
“No.”
“Buzzkill.”
Sev and Vi sit in silence for 12 seconds before the roach is stolen and hit by the latter. Sevika snickers. Vi drops her head on the couch and exhales her worries through clouds. Stressed, anxious riddled, maybe not the best headspace to get high but fuck it.
“Whatcha thinking about?”
She shrugs, “Everything.”
“Talk ta me. What’s happening.”
Vi’s face burns when her mind plagues with you. Your giant bifocals and smudged mascara and acrylic-stained hoodies. You had a backpack on… Could be a student here. You might be a freshman. Vi hates making assumptions about strangers but you seemed a little…
Immature? Your eyes were too shiny to be a senior.
“You’re gonna laugh…”
“I’ll always laugh at your stupid ass,” She snickers. “What happened, though, seriously.”
Wafts of smoke curl around her words, “I almost bulldozed a girl earlier.”
Sevika scrabbles to her knees with a slack jaw, “WHAT THE—“
“Oh my fucking god can you be normal for—“
“BITCH BULLDOZED? WHAT THE FUCK FREAKY ASS BITCH—“
“NOT LIKE THAT!” Vi scoffs, “I went on a run and bumped into her! Fucking WEIRDO!”
Sevika slumps back on her ass, clearly disappointed, “… Oh.”
Vi tends to the roach until her fingertips burn, stubbing out the burnt paper on Sevika’s ashtray. When she looks up, she finds a very intrigued looking fox. Here she fucking goes.
“She hot?”
Vi’s sigh is littered with agitation at her friend while she laughs, “I hadta fucking ask! Tell me! She smell good?”
“I don’t fuckin’ remember! We talked for like… 2 minutes!”
“2 is enough time to check her out. Show’a hands, how fat were her tits? Like this?” Sevika mimes holding watermelons that are too goddamn heavy and Vi cringes.
“You fucking disgust me.”
Sevika relaxes back onto her elbows, legs extended in front of her. Her brow quirks when she catches Vi’s gaze drop to her waist, “Meh. You like that about me.”
“Sometimes. Not when I’m in a crisis.”
“Meeting a girl is a crisis now?”
“Yes! I don’t fucking know, she was…”
Honestly, Vi’s unsure how to describe you.
“Does she at least go here! You’re not giving me shit to work with.”
“I DON’T KNOW—“
“DON’T FUCKING YELL AT ME—“
Vi groans with her palms in her eyes, “She just asked to be friends. She told me she watches us play and that she’s—“
“Back the fuck up,” Sevika raises up again, “Do you not see what’s happening here!”
“…”
“You’re actually fucking stupid, wow,” She scoffs, “You know she set all that up, right?”
“… What in the fuck are you talking abou—“
“She ran into you on purpose! She’s a fan bitch!” Sev reaches for her phone on the coffee table, “What’s her Instagram?”
Vi whines, “I don’t know—“
Before Sevika can cuss her out for the 40th time, she bursts, “I GAVE HER MY NUMBER!”
“… Did you get hers?”
“…”
“BROTHER—“
“Shut up! I’m not… I don’t flirt! I don’t know how, not anymore! She caught me off guard honestly.”
“What's her name?”
Vi sheepishly mumbles your title; it’s slimy the way it curls on her tongue. You were so nice and now she’s setting you up to be pestered by her best friend.
It’s silent for 3 minutes, only the pittering of Sevika’s fingers on her device while she hunts for you. Another 4 pass before she tosses her phone in annoyance.
“You sure you weren’t hallucinating? Nothing’s poppin’ up.”
“You’re so annoy—“
WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAAAACK, WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAAAACK
Vi’s phone screen glows gray with an unsaved number across the top… One with their area code… Sevika watches the number scroll like a hawk. The smile that grows on her face is crooked. And knowing.
It’s 11PM. It’s not you. It couldn’t be you.
“That’s your ringtone?” Sevika snorts.
“Shut up.” Why’s she so anxious all of a sudden? Her sweaty palms aren’t enough to stop her from reaching for the device, though.
She answers and puts you on speaker.
“Hello?”
“…Hi. It’s me.”
Sevika’s brow lifts in questioning. Is that her? She mouths and Vi nods. Her eyes roll when her friend whispers, cute voice.
She’ll never say, but Sevika’s presence re-energizes her. Makes her a little more playful, so she teases, “Me who?”
A beat of silence passes before you start mumbling to yourself, “I’m gonna fuckin’ throw up is this the wrong per—“
Sevika’s hand flies over her mouth to smother her laughter while Vi coddles you; laughs that she’s joking and that she was waiting on your call. Her cheeks burn when her teammate throws her an accusatory look.
“Do you mean it?”
“Mean what?”
“That you’ve been waiting on me?”
Before Vi can answer, Sev raises up onto her knees and mimes fucking somebody from the back, face slack with faux and exaggerated pleasure. She ignores the sinful jolt in her tummy and flings a throw pillow right at her face.
“Yeah, ‘course I was…”
And then it’s silent again. Her muscles freeze with every deep breath you take over the phone. Sevika waits expectantly, talk to her, she says with flapping fingers.
“Whatcha up to?”
“… Uhh… nothing?”
Your laugh is featherlight, “Are you asking me?”
“Maybe?”
Sevika’s had enough of the tomfoolery. She wiggles over and hits the mute button with a heavy slam. Leans in close while she whispers,
“Dude, she’s tryna fuck—“
“No, she isn’t—“
“Yes she is, dodo, did you hear how she was talkin’?” Her tone heightens in pitch, mocks seduction, “You were waiting on me, baby?—“
“H-Hello?” Your mumble is drenched with insecurity. Sevika doesn’t give a fuck.
“See?” She nearly screams, “She’s DJin’ right now—“
Violet shoves her back before unmuting, “Sorry, m’here…”
“… Was it a bad time to call?” You’re quieter now. Ashamed sounding. Embarrassed.
“Not at all! Sorry, I was smoking earlier, makes me lose my train of thought.”
“It’s okay…”
“You make it home safe?”
“Mhm. I was about to fall asleep but then I remembered to call, so…”
Vi catches her smile before her friend can bully her for it, “So, you called…”
“Yes,” said excitedly. She can hear your smile. Very puppy-like. Cute. Vi jolts when Sev starts snoring obnoxiously fucking loud. She flicks her forehead.
“Is someone there with you?”
Both their eyes widen. A sharp hand raises to slap Sevika, but she flinches before it lands, “Sorry. Just my stupid ass roommate.”
“Hi, Sevika.”
You’re oddly calm…. But why wouldn’t you be? You had no other intent for this phone call other than keeping your promise. They still share a look though; a brief flash of intrigue and skepticism. How’d you know…
It’s not pondered on for long by Sevika before she sings, “Hey, sweetheart.”
You sound like the wind has knocked outta you. “H-Hi.”
Sev singles for Vi to pass the phone over to her. She obliges with a hard stare, “I was just passing through, but while I’m here, I gotta couple… questions. That good with you?”
“Yes.”
“Good. You single?”
“Mhm. For forever, sadly.”
“Great. Are we at the same school?”
“Duh. I’m at every match. We’re, uh… graduating together if everything goes as planned.”
So definitely not a freshman. Just when Vi thought it was impossible to finish college without a chip on your shoulder. You seem to have made it through just fine.
Despite Sevika’s reputation of being cold-hearted and abrasive with wicked flirtation skills, she speaks to you like you’ve been in her life for years. Gentle. Inquiring. She lays flat on her stomach with her feet kicked up behind her, “What’s your major?”
“Architectural engineering. What’s yours?”
“You’re so smart. ‘M doing mathematics. You should tutor me when you getta chance.”
“Sure. Just lemme know when. I’m always in the library, so.”
“Well, what a fucking coincidence, so are we! You coulda dropped by and said hello if that was the case.”
“I’m trying to do that now… Am I doin’ okay?”
“Just fine actually. Aren’t you sweet.”
“I taste sweeter.”
Sevika drops the phone on the plush rug beneath them. Sits upright with urgency. Gawks at Vi whose jaw is nearly in her lap. There’s hardly any air in her chest. She squabbles for her phone and ensures that the volume is all the way up. Holds the device right in between them.
“… Swear? I don’t think that’s possible.” Sevika hums at you, holding her roommate’s gaze while her tongue traces over the dryness on her lip.
“You could find out… Both of you can if you wanna.”
“‘S that easy?” Sevika rasps, and Vi flinches when her breath hits her mouth. Leans in a bit closer to feel more on her face.
“Why do you sound like that?” Vi huffs at your genuine curiosity. You’re so fucking cute, fuck.
“Because you’re turning me on, hon,” Her gaze washes over Vi and her skin burns with trails. “Both of us.”
“Oh… cool.” You exhale unsteadily. They can’t help but laugh at you. “Cool?” Vi repeats.
“Yeah. Awesome. I’ve never done that to someone before.”
“You a virgin?”
“Yup.”
“FaceTime us.”
“I have a Samsung.”
Both girls explode into laughter, “We’ll call you, then, Jesus—“ Vi sends an eager finger towards the small camera before you mumble,
“Who says I’ll answer?”
Sevika tuts, “You don’t wanna watch us kiss?”
“I’d rather watch in person.”
Sevika throws Vi a look and she’s instantly reminded of Abby. Usually, that glance — filled with an equal amount of tenderness of filth — is shared between her teammates and she’s forced to endure whatever nonsense they plan to take out on somebody together, but now she’s here. Sevika’s including her in such a sacred ritual. She’s suddenly skittish, “You’re killing me, baby. Whatcha doing this weekend?” Sev quiets, timbre amorous.
“Playing Overwatch.”
“Fuck that shit. Come to Kappa on Saturday. Everybody’s goin’.” Sevika snips down at Violet, and she whines while her fingers dig into her roomie’s tank top. A little closer, and they’re kissing. Just an inch—
“What’s Kappa?”
Vi giggles, “House,” Sevika mumbles against Vi’s mouth, “Frat house. Right off 16th. It's bright blue, can’t miss it.”
“‘K, I’ll go. See ya there.”
“Wh—“
Three dial tones break through the smoke in the air before the screen goes dark, both girls left stunned and… very tempted to track your location. Maybe pop a titty for your RA in exchange for your room number. Wouldn’t be the first time…
… Is that too much?
It could be, but you didn’t hesitate to drop bomb after proposition, and the selfish part of her heart can’t help but think you wouldn’t mind two ravenous strangers at your front door. The knowledge that they’d give you everything you needed would be enough for you to allow them entry.
And the way Sevika’s staring at her… Craving, but careful. She’s so patient.
It’s been such a long time — two years since they’ve had any physical connection. Drunken nights, quickies in the locker room showers— the distractions from grief were all put on the back shelf when Vi got into her relationship. Sevika’s a sleaze, not a homewrecker — most times, so she kept her hands to herself out of respect, no matter how many times Violet would catch her staring where she knew was off limits.
Vi can't get to you, but she can get to Sevika.
So she yanks her close, dissolves the space between them as their mouths collide with heat and a newfound ache for you in the middle. Sevika’s just as rough as she remembers — pushes her down so her back molds to the floor, entangles a cinched hand in her hair to pull and expose her neck to the attacks. She’s got blotches and teeth marks on her throat — the unrestrained and possessive and her stomach flips. She gasps at the ceiling when her nightshirt shreds under a forceful hand.
She hasn’t had the heart to have sex in months — propositions were turned down on dozens of occasions because her mind couldn’t focus on enjoying. Every second of euphoria gets overshadowed by hollow, unforgiving guilt.
You sparked something in her with your forwardness, that curiosity that left her aching to read your mind. Her best friend, too, evidently.
Every movement is fast. She crawls down her torso with intent — fangs sharp where they leave blood down her sternum. Vi’s fingers pry Sevika’s shirt off, her tongue separating from her waist for mere seconds before reattaching. An eager hand fondly moves her friend’s hair out of her face.
You want it? Sevika’s eyes read.
Yes, I want it, please. Vi says aloud. Eager with a twisting hand in her scalp.
Sevika sends waves through Vi with every wrestle her tongue devotes to her clit. She can’t think of anything but Sevika and you and both of you at the same time; on top of her — you sat on her face while Sevika’s fingers drove inside her. She wants her tongue inside you; unrelenting and feverish until you scream and soak her tongue in your sweetness.
Sevika eats like she’s hungry. She eats like she misses having her like this and that wounds Vi up tight; it sends shockwaves down her legs. Makes her twitch, but Sevika forces her still with a tight grip on her waist.
Vi curses with fluttery eyes when a finger — then two, circles around the entrance that aches for a stretching.
They’re heaven sent when they push in. She’s getting fucked like she’s hated and she loves it. She deserves to feel like nothing; her walls are selfish where they encase the digits that bring her to the sun, massage against every sensitive ridge just how she needs. Her mouth spills with whatever energy she has left within her; slurred and drooled fuck yes yeses. She can barely conjure a warning when her core locks tight, right before she explodes.
There’s wetness everywhere while she pulses through her pleasure, thighs squeezing around Sevika’s head with every satisfied moan that vibrates on her clit. Tells Violet to give her more and to take it take it take whatever she gives her like she knows she can.
It’s not until Violet starts sobbing and Sevika’s mouth is dripping wet that she pulls out and separates from her completely. She kisses her pussy gently before shifting to help unlock Violet’s knees. She shivers with every peck that’s trailed up her torso to her chest to her neck.
Sevika laughs when Vi does, choked and clogged, but elated and genuine. It’s been so long since her body’s felt this light.
“You needed that. Ya look better already,” Sevika cackles. “Can you stand?”
“Fuck off, gimme a sec.” Vi shoves playfully at her chest.
—
—
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 3s
guys.
i love being a liar. it makes me feel alive never let a bitch tell you lying is wrong it literally makes life so much easier!! wishing everyone a good night.
everything’s going as planned. just one more tally on the board and we’re set
—
—
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 20mi
Advice Needed
it’s been 24 hours and my girl who’s not my girl has been texting me nonstop.
[f21] hello. im in a crisis but a good one? if that’s possible. long story short im in love but not dating the girl im in love with yet. i took some of y’all’s flirting advice and i think it worked. im betting my life that yall do witchcraft. i barely said anything to her and now she won’t me😝😝😝 and tbh… i think her friend won’t me too!!!!! she’s always asking about my day and asking if i ate and if id wanna eat with her but i always decline bc im not ready physically mentally like i’m gonna combust the second she walks up to me i barely survived our first interaction…… but her friend invited me to a party tomorrow night…….. wtf do i wear to that i’ve never been outside before LOL
might get a train ran on me…… WE’LL SEE FRIENDS
adding her undies to the shrine🩷 yaaaay
CreamTeam • 14mi
bro is she your girlfriend or not? It’s been years at this point.
artkiller OP • 12mi
yes i mean no or yes :)
kewlio313 • 7mi
Wear something that you wouldn’t wear to your parents funeral. Good luck dear
artkiller OP • 5mi
i would whore out if my family died
kewlio313 • 2mi
Good God.
—
What does genuine happiness feel like?
You’re unsure how long you’ve been on your beanbag, but Violet and Sevika have been laughing since you sat down. They’re so relaxed around each other, content with silence. Accepting of failure.
You’re not a jealous person at all. Far from, actually, but something furies from within whenever you see them — or people, in general, gleeful; the desperation to feel. You haven’t had the privilege. Maybe that’s why you cling to whatever you have with Vi. She has birthed a wanting inside you. A desire for connection after spending decades comforted by the sound of your own voice. Or comments under your posts.
Violet makes you happy. And Sevika might, too. Just as long as she doesn’t get too close to your light.
You’re standing right behind Sevika. She can’t see you, but Vi can. Her fear is swiftly overshadowed by delight. She greets you with a smile that makes your heart throb.
Sevika’s gaze wanders down to your legs, that remain exposed despite the weather,
“You’re not cold?” She asks. Not exactly the introduction you were expecting, but that makes you giddy. Vi must tell her about you!
“Yes,” You say with ease, “Y'all should come to my room. It’s warmer there.”
Vi nods after gawking, 2 books immediately tucked to her chest with her bag on her back. Sevika just laughs. She gets it. You like that.
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 1s
Advice Needed
how do i mentally prepare for sex? (virginity)
literally fucking freezing walking to my room rn with two burly butches that i want to throw me around and i think they’re going to bc they’re not talking to me but the y are very close i don’t want them to see my screen guys im about to have a threesome pls fucking help me
—
“Cute room.” Violet says, inspecting your horror movie posters and stuffed animals.
“Thank you.” You smile.
I hid the 14 polaroids of you that I had taped to my door. Hope that makes you more comfortable!
“It’s just you in here?” Sevika chimes, eyes glued to the small bed up against the wall, right next to your PC setup. You should ask if they game afterwards.
“Yes.”
Violet takes her jacket off and hangs it on your doorknob.
“Already takin’ off your clothes?” You plop down onto your freshly made mattress. Both girls look very stiff in your space; Is that normal? Maybe they’re nervous.
Both girls laugh the same. “Not like that. It is warm in here.” Sevika follows in Vi’s lead, removing her hoodie and her undershirt is squeezing her and yup those arms are still there those muscles are popping out yup yup yup—
“Yeah. I can’t sleep in the cold.” You pat your bedspread for them to sit… and they do. On either side of you. Vi brought her notebook and pencil. Sevika brought her heavily ringed hands.
She scoffs, “Me neither. Immune system is worse than a newborn’s.”
“Do you get sick easily?”
“Yes. I just got over it last week.”
“Damn…”
“Almost got me sick,” Violet pins playfully, skimming through her pages. She erases before rewriting. So so so so smart; too bad both her answers were wrong. You’ll show her the way soon enough.
“Coach would hate me. Her star pupil’s under the weather, what ever shall we do,” Sevika mocks and you both chuckle.
“The season starts next week. Y’all nervous?”
“No—“ “Yes—“
“I’m nervous for games, not practice,” Vi corrects, “I can’t find my fuckin’ shoes.”
“What shoes?”
“My cleats. My sister got ‘em for me a while ago, wear ‘em every match for good luck. I don’t remember where I fucking put them though.”
“Aww, ‘m sorry.”
Sorry for keeping them in my closet.
“S whatever. Just gotta get new ones.”
Small talk is boring as fuck, but it continues between you and Vi. Sevika’s quiet as a mouse; every glance in her direction is met with hooded eyes. She’s very focused on your nightstand drawer. Can she see what’s inside it? You hope so; Maybe your unworn thongs will motivate them to move this along.
“Awww! Wait, you used to play soccer?”
You already know all this. It’s on her fucking Instagram for fucks sake!
“On the junior team when I was like… 10! I was—“
Trash. I kept tripping over the fuckin’ ball—
“—And forgetting to tie my shoes. It was a hot fucking mess!”
Yup. Same as the caption.
The laughter between you finally quiets. You count 12 seconds in your head. You raise a hand to place it on the Hello Kitty bandage directly under her eye.
“What happened here?”
Sevika’s breathing is very calming.
“Got in a fight,” Vi mumbles. Poor things embarrassed! “Got socked in the eye.”
“Sorry,” Your hand rests in your lap, “Did I hurt you?”
“You’re good… still stings though. They gotta good one in.”
“How’d it happen?”
“Don’t remember honestly.”
“Oh okay.”
The conversation ends. Another 12 seconds.
“So… Did you guys fuck after I hung up?”
Sevika smiles and Vi chokes in shock. They’re so different. No wonder they’re so close.
“I— sorry, thought we were studying—“
“Who said we were gonna study?” You stare at Vi quizzingly.
“No one did. We mighta fucked.” Sevika shrugs nonchalantly.
“Oh… was it fun? Whatever it was.”
“Ask her.” She nods in direction of the girl whose face is beet fucking red. How cute!
“Vi… was it fun?”
Her eyes droop to the pencil in her hand before flicking it nervously.
“… I guess.”
“You guess?”
“That’s what I said.”
“… Okay.”
Vi sets her book and pencil on your nightstand before releasing a stuttered sigh.
“Tell me what happened if ya wanna,” Softness wafts off your tongue.
Vi swallows, “I… uh…”
“Mhm?”
“We… I didn’t…”
“I gave her head til she cried.” Sevika whispers right in your ear; tickling against your lobe and you’re suddenly winded. Vi’s legs twist until one crosses over the other.
Gave… Oh…
This isn’t new information. You’re 79% sure Sevika was Vi’s first kiss… or you heard something like that in passing, so why does the sudden confirmation make you wanna hide? Curl into your blankets and shield yourself from both of them?
“Oh… fun.” Your face burns underneath the skin.
“Very.”
“Yup…”
“You’re shy now? After all that?” Sevika almost laughs when your eyes drop to the floor.
“It’s uh, easier to talk when no one’s actually there.”
“We coulda been if you’d answered the fucking phone.”
“… Sorry.”
“It’s okay, baby.”
Sevika’s captain of the team for a reason; a leader by nature and Vi allows her to despite her anticipation. She's much closer now, the respectful distance she kept up upon arrival now completely shut, her shoulder touching yours, nearly straddling your leg.
There’s a light tickle on your thigh; Sevika’s index finger barely grazes the skin exposed beneath the hem of your skirt.
“You’re so stiff,” She whiffs tender against your neck and you choke a noise.
“I’m … ‘mscaredtobreathe—“
“Don’t be scared,” Sevika’s whole hand caresses your knee, eases you into her, all while Vi mouths at your neck. “Here, wanna know a secret?”
You release the air in your lungs, “Sure…”
She’ll never tell, so I will. Your head bobs so encouragingly.
Vi told me something after she showered that night.
With every buttery brustle against your shoulder, Vi’s hands gently attack wherever they can reach; the plush of your hips, on your thighs, grabbing at your tummy over your hoodie that takes up too much fucking space for her liking. You can’t stop squirming with every taut pull at the pit of your stomach.
I was sitting on my bed and she came in, and she smelled so good. I was trying to roll up again, but she took my tray and put it on my dresser…
Roll up? Tray? What what what the fuck is she saying—
And she got on her knees in front of me… and she looked so fucking cute just staring up at me like that, like she’d do anything to make me happy… She’s sweet like that if she’s in the mood.
She said ‘may I practice on you, please?’… And I said okay… So she pulls down my underwear and treats me so well. You wanna know who she was practicing for?
Yes, yes, please—
It was you, baby. She kept telling me how good she wanted to make your first time.
A strained noise chokes from your throat, and Vi smiles against your ear before her lips close around your lobe and it’s too much they’re too much—
Uh huh, and her tongue felt so fucking good on me. Almost impressive… and she loved every second of it.
Please… please, I’m—
Listen to that, Violet, she’s so fucking cute, isn’t she?
So sweet, too. Bet she tastes so fucking good.
She’s so hungry for you, baby, Sevika coos at you, Gonna stop teasing and give us what we want?
You agree obediently — desperately, with every thrumming cell you can use at the moment.
Vi’s benign hand rests on your cheek to turn you towards her before kissing you softly. A gentle peck before she pulls away. It’s overstimulating; Vi kissing and touching you like you’re made of glass while Sevika sucks large bruises on the side of your throat. Your nails dig into the muscular thigh that hardly shakes at your grip in attempts to ground yourself, but they fail because you’re about to faint.
Your sun kisses you deeper, holds your face tighter to keep you where she needs to tongue at your lips. You’re trying to keep up with her, to use the muscle like she uses hers, but you’re falling behind. They don’t seem to mind, satisfied with the fact that they’re gonna devour you regardless.
And when Vi lays you back nice and cozy against your pillows while Sevika kisses all over your face, you know you’re fucked.
—
Sevika and Vi take turns kissing you.
It’s a messy and uncoordinated mess of teeth and saliva, mainly because of you, but you like it. You love it. You hope they do, too. The warmth of their bodies beside you resonates deep in your core. Whenever one of them pulls away, the next is more than open to take her place, over and over. Your thighs are already shaking.
Your hoodies raised up thanks to Vi’s wandering hands, tucked right above your rib cage. Your stomach jolts when a feathery finger teases at the band of your skirt.
“You ticklish?” Vi mutters against your cheek.
“… Nope.”
“Yes—” She swipes the same finger against your exposed skin and you jump with a giggle, “you are. Liar.”
“Fuck you!”
“Yeah… I really, really want to.”
She doesn’t give you time to think of a response; just kisses you one last time before climbing onto her knees. Meanwhile, Sevika’s struggling to get comfortable in your bed. She’s essentially on top of you, both her legs wrapped around one of yours.
“Fucking — small ass mattress! I forgot how much I hate these!”
“S-Sorry! Couldn’t afford anything else — mmh!”
Sevika reconnects your mouths while the bed dips beside you. Then there’s lips on your tummy.
Laughter explodes outta you; Sevika can’t help but laugh into your mouth while Vi nibbles at your pudge. Her grin glows on your skin before her tongue glides on your hip. Her attention stays there; sloppy noises from above and below, your gasps swallowed with every bite Vi gives you.
You hardly register her pulling your skirt down. You’re just colder. And fuzzier in the head. Sevika breaks away to ask,
“How wet is she?”
Huh— oh she’s not talking to you yup yup—
“Come see.”
Sevika rises from position and you’re even colder. When she whistles at the spot on your underwear, your thighs squeeze shut… for 000.3 seconds before she pries them open again.
“Stop I’ll fucking cry—“
“Cry about what? That’s so fucking hot. You’re so cute, baby.”
“Bro I wanna die—“
Sevika rolls her eyes, “Bust one last time at least, damn.”
“Can we make it quick please I’m already on the verge—“
“Of cumming?” Sevika purrs.
“Of suicide—“
Vi’s in hysterics. You shouldn’t be this fucking funny. She watches you and Sevika go back and forth with tears in her eyes.
You bite, “Wonky ass foreplay—“
“I’ll strangle you—“
“I’ll like it—“
Both of you are fucking stupid. Neither of you notice Vi tugging your panties down. She almost starts drooling at the sight of your pussy. Swallows down the lump of saliva before it can drip down her chin. You’re wet and throbbing and pretty and you smell like heaven.
You gasp when two curious fingers separate your sticky lips; strings of slick cling to Vi’s digits. Sevika watches with an insatiable hunger.
“What do you like?” Vi whispers, and you shrug.
“I dunno, I’m new here.”
She rolls her eyes, “I mean what do you do when you touch yourself?
“I don’t do that.”
“Never?” Both girls exclaim.
You shake your head. “I tried once and nothing happened so I just ate spaghetti and went to bed.”
“Were you wet?”
Vi’s forbearing with her inquiries, but still, you’re on the fucking spot and you might start sneezing from anxiety. They’re too patient with you; Maybe you’ve been misreading how they were in bed this entire time. You were expecting them to be knuckles deep in every available hole by now.
You’ve never been so nervous, and for you, that’s saying a lot. “I don’t remember, it was years ago.”
“You’ve never used toys or anything?”
“I… No.”
Sevika stares at Vi, and Vi at Sevika, and you at the wall.
Your thighs twitch when velvet nuzzles at them, Vi’s voice deep as the ocean. “I’m gonna try something, tell me if you like it and I’ll keep going… okay?”
You can’t formulate a response but your head bounces in approval. A finger applies the gentlest of pressure on your clit and you expel a wheeze.
“Okay?” Sevika hums from above you, a hand easing underneath your hoodie to massage your breast.
“Ye-ah—“
“Sit up for me, honey,” She whispers and you obey so she can creep in behind you, your back resting against her chest. Both her hands rub at your chest this time, her fingers massage your nipples while Vi strokes your clit in slow, teasing circles.
“How’s this feel, babe?”
“G— good! Great… h-hooray?” How do pornstars dirty talk so eloquently? You’re literally fucking dying right now. Sevika laughs to herself in your neck and your chest burns.
“Yeah? And this?” She utters right before pressing in, flicking you from side to side and your core squeezes tight. You’re dripping and she watches so closely.
“Oh fuck—“
“There she is, good girl, just feel what she’s givin’ you.” Sevika rasps against your shoulder.
You are feeling and it’s too much for your body to comprehend. Your brain’s never been this focused on one thing. On one feeling, especially one this enjoyable. It’s so good it’s so good you love your fucking girlfriend—
“Tell me when you’re gonna cum?” Vi says against your soft skin
“Uhh…? I— oh god—“
“Getting there, baby? Feel how tight you’re getting? I can see it.”
2 ragged inhales and your eyes roll back and your jaw slacks and your nose tickles oh shit—
“Yeah, yeah, give it to me, c’mon—“
ACHOO!
Your thigh squeezes shut when euphoria overtakes your entire system; thighs clamping shut around Vi’s wrist while she giggles and rubs out your pleasure with ease because she’s stronger than you. Your initial efforts of staying as silent as possible were in vain because you’re squealing your little head off. Sevika rests back on her hands and watches like a hawk while you thrash and clench and leak all over her roommate’s hand.
“Good job. Felt nice, hm?”
You struggle to nod because you’re still cumming so hard and her fingers won’t cease on you. Your thighs stick together with your wetness.
“I’m still eating you out, you know that, right?”
Your whines of approval sound wounded.
You couldn’t see it, but when Vi finally pulled her hand from you, slurping noises swiftly followed, alongside Sevika’s hums of satisfaction.
Mentally preparing for your burial.
—
Vi might be obsessed with you.
She’s back in her original position between your thighs — with Sevika this time because she’s greedy — and fuck she’s never been so antsy to give head. She loves it and she loves getting it even more… at least she thought so. The aliens could come crashing down from the clouds and her first focus would still be getting you to soak her face.
You’re fully undressed now, minus a sock that slipped off some fucking where but she doesn’t give a fuck. She’s so desperate to touch you again. It plagues her mind; stuffed with everything that she’s learned about you thus far. You sneeze before you orgasm for fucks sake that’s the cutest shit ever —
Can I?
She’s asking you and you’re whispering yes, please and fuck you moan so pretty when she first glides her tongue on you. Sevika allows her to ease you into the feeling, but she stays close enough to see every drop of slick that glides on Vi’s tongue. You’re so noisy and she loves that. All she can think about is how loud you’d be with your face in her pillow and your hands behind your back while she —
Vi! Violet! I’m cumming again!
You’re a fucking dream. An insane fucking freaky ass dream.
If anyone were to walk past your room right now, they’d be appalled at the ruckus that permeates through your space; sloppy sucking noises and encouraging praises and dehumanizing name calling that makes you grind your hips faster. You’re nearly riding her fucking face.
Vi wishes she could see you in entirety; memorize every thrust and wriggle you give into her face, drowning her in your scent and juices and everything she could ever want in this moment. You’re exactly what she needed; a pliant distraction. You turn her mind off so easily.
Sevika’s greedy and selfish as she raises one of your legs up with ease. You fall back onto the mattress with your back arched to the skies, a cracked wail squeezing from your lungs when another tongue smushes against your clit. Sevika sucks hard at your clit when Vi’s tongue swirls down to meet your entrance. The eager muscle wastes no time to shove inside and catch whatever bursts from you.
She moves on autopilot; eases one finger past your pulsing heat and your legs start to shake. The digit curls deep inside, plunges into you with vigor and determination to get you there, hits a spot that almost lands her a kick in the back of her head, but she catches you; curls an arm around your thigh to keep you still.
And the night — or afternoon or morning, none of you remember, continues like that until you’re drained completely dry and your body contracts from memory.
Hours pass when Sevika and Vi finally start tonguing each other down for your viewing pleasure, and it starts all over again.
—
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller 1s
2 butches are sleeping next to me rn…
never let a hoe tell you to stop following your dreams. i’ve been following mine for almost 3 years and now they’re sleep next to me….
#HAPPYPRIDE
#vi smut#vi arcane#vi fanfic#vi league of legends#sevika#sevika smut#sevika arcane#sevika x you#vi x you#lesbian#rugbyplayer!vi#works 𖧧࣪#arcane smut#arcane
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MacMillan and MacTavish having a very Scottish bonding moment that confused the ever loving daylights out of poor Nik/everyone
(I apologize for the potential spam lol)
I'm so sorry but I'm blind as shit even with my glasses on because they're two years old and I need new ones so I have to ask. What is your pfp because I cannot for the life of me figure it out but it's funky and I love it.
Anyway, *cracks knuckles* you're about to watch me tear into different parts of Scotland with no context other than I'm Scottish and allowed to
"Now, lad. Wit bit of Scotland are ye fae exactly?"
John instantly knows that letting MacMillan and Soap drink together is a dangerous choice because the two get on like a house on fire but that's not what worries John. What worries John is this. The Scotland talk because he'd sat through more than enough rants from Mac back in the day about the best parts of Scotland and [in Mac's own words] the "shite" parts.
"Glasgow, sir. Pollockshaw, if ye ken it?" There's a brief moment of silence between the Englishmen at the table and Nik as they await the older Scot's reaction. Is that a good place? Fuck if John knows.
"Aye, aye. I get ye, I'm Stewarton myself." Mac looks amused, as does Soap. That has to be a good sign, surely.
"Oh, you're a hard man then. Dinnae tell me you went tae school there anaw?" It takes one glance around the table to know that he isn't the only one needing a written translation. Simon is mouthing half of the words that Soap says under his breath to try and follow along with him, Kyle looks positively befuddled and Nik looks two seconds away from seeing if he can lift both arms properly.
"Aye, fuckin' shitehole and I wis quick tae get my arse oot of that fuckin' school. Could've been worse, I could've been fae Cumnock. Or ye could've been fae Maryhill."
"My da's side is fae Maryhill."
Oh fuck. John doesn't try to hide his wince. Leave it up to Mac to commit some cardinal sin when discussing Scotland.
"Even he'd agree with ye, it's a soulless vacuum of dugshite, empty needles and misery."
Nevermind then?! John is confused, deeply confused. Why the hatred for Maryhill? And better question, where the fuck is Maryhill?
Mac and Soap share a laugh between themselves that only furthers the confusion between the non-Scots of the table.
"Better than Govan." They both crack up at that, loud laughter waving over the table. Is it possible for someone to laugh Scottish because both of them seem to be doing so.
Kyle nudges him with a light elbow to the ribs, cheeky bugger.
"You catch what any of that meant?"
"Not a fucking word, sergeant. Not a fucking word."
Eventually, they leave the two men to chatter between themselves. None of them have the ears nor dictionary to translate whatever the fuck those two are spitting at each other. That is until John hears a question that has him demanding silence from his end of the table.
Leave it to Mac to ask the dreaded question of the night.
"So, son. Ye a Rangers boy or a Celtic boy?"
Even Simon and Kyle look over with wary expressions, Nik might not understand the significance of such a thing but the lads do. Mac asks with such a casual demeanour, you'd almost think it was a friendly query. It is not.
"Rangers, sir."
"Smart choice, son."
A shared sentiment passes through them all.
Thank fuck.
#john soap mactavish#cod macmillan#captain john price#john price#cod nikolai#nikprice#simon ghost riley#kyle gaz garrick
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Sorry i took so long to reblog this lol
I definitely resonate with the way that people just kind of take everything and don't really think about that there's a person spending hours making this stuff. It can get exhausting, but I've always felt like this fandom has been so much more interactive than any other one i've been in. And i know i don't owe anyone anything in the logical part of my brain, but the touchy feely monkey part still takes over sometimes XD
I just hear a lot of people talk about this idea or that trope being stupid and annoying, and I know from experience of people telling me, i'm not exactly the most, creative writer. I know the way i write is irritating too, the amount of times i've heard or read someone complain about annoying bitches who can't end sentences, clicking off fics with too many semicolons because it's the most annoying shit. I dunno i just always hear this stuff and i see it in my own work and just get a bit embarrassed, like i'm the laughing stock for far better writers.
Maybe it is just the dreary weather. And i know i have a bad habit of being a perfectionist despite what my stuff might show, and i compare myself to others a bit too much.
I want to open requests again but also, I have like zero confidence to write anything at the moment.
I dunno i keep hearing people talk about how they hate when writers do this or hate that and this headcanon is the worst, everybody dunking on something, and I keep seeing it in my stuff. I just don't have much confidence in making anything that people aren't gonna find cringe and poorly made and miserable to read. Like why would I take all of your ideas when someone else can/will just do them a million times better then I ever could without all the stuff that makes my writing annoying to read.
I'm not looking for like sympathy or anything, I just wanted to give a warning if you don't really see much writing from me for a bit.
#reply#thanks pear <3#i vowed a few years ago to not be such a negative person or being around super negative people#so i think i just need to suck it up and stop paying attention to this stuff lol#i dunno XD im used to beating myself up; nothing's ever good enough you know#and there's always someone who blows you out of the water which; i know two cakes; but its hard sometimes
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Just another Manic Muesday (Sorry I couldn't think of a better title lol.)
"Alright Dr. Pines, I'm pleased to report that your lab results for your bloodwork have finally been logged and updated to our medical system since the last we saw each other."
"H-huh? Oh! I'm certainly glad to hear that Dr. Oleander! Forgive me, I'm afraid my mind was wandering just now."
Sunshine shown through the windows of the medical doctor's office, bathing parts of the room with it's comforting warm rays. Outside, leaves of different colors and types scattered in the breeze with an air of playfullness to them. It was truly a lovely autumn day.
At least... it was as lovely as it could get lately. When it wasn't the occasional inanimate object coming to life to either cause mischief, panic, harm, or all of the above, the slowly randomizing weather definitely made it trickier to enjoy nature.
Quite literally the other day it was a record-breaking freezing winter, followed the day after by a sweltering summer so hot that not only could you fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you could fry the chicken that laid it as well if you wanted to.
"That's quite alright, I just wanted to let you know that we did find some rather... interesting results."
"What kind of results? A-anything my Muse should be concerned over? I must inform him if there's anything that would cause him to worry over me!"
"Er, it's nothing as dire as that I assure you. I moreso wanted to let you know that in comparison to your first blood test, there's improvement to your overall health! I'm really proud of you that you're making progress."
"O-oh um thanks I suppose? I don't believe it's because of my choices truthfully. If it wasn't for my Muse's instance and kindness about my health I don't believe I could've done it on my own!"
"Dr. Pines I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit, only those who want help can accept it as they always say..."
"No, no! I'm serious! I'm truly thankful he's been stern that I see Stanley on a regular basis!
I'm quite forgetful with taking care to see him regularly. Stanley's always worried about me, it pains me to see him filled with grief whenever I'm unable to talk to him for a bit due to my Muse and I's busy schedule.
Without him I'm sure my health and relationship with my Brother would be absolutely horrible!"
"..."
"Dr. Oleander? Is something the matter? You aren't speaking to me as much as you usually do."
"Forgive me Dr. Pines, I'm just a bit conflicted right now. I've just got a lot on my mind as well. On a similar subject, I do want to apologize for overstepping my boundaries with talking to you about your relationship with Mr.Cipher."
"..."
"I-it's fine. I know you didn't mean to be so crude on purpose. My Muse and I's relationship is often a subject to many due to it's complex and sublime love."
"Yes I believe you're right... Forgive me Doctor, I have a tendency to involve myself too much in my work."
"You d-don't need to apologize for that! It's a quality my Muse approves of you for! He wouldn't let just anyone treat any medical problems I have, the fact you have his trust is a sign you're great at what you do Doctor Oleander."
"... I appreciate your reassurance, though it still isn't very professional of me to be so casual with my speech with you about my troubles with my confidence as a medical practitioner."
"I don't mind! I swear!! I-I think you're a lot like the plant you share your surname with."
"I'm sorry?"
"Y-you know, Oleander? Also known as Rosebay? It's a perennial shrub and tree known and loved for it's vitality, resilience, and beauty.
My Muse likes the fact every part of it is poisonous, it's definitely a kicker that's certain!
Personally I love the fact that certain species of caterpillars use the plant as both a food source and a way to defend themselves against predators!
In particular, there's a species of moths known as the Oleander Hawk Moth, that does this! It's a very interesting and rare kind of Moth to see! I personally consider it to be one of my favorites!"
"Haha! Is that so? W-well thank you Doctor for that compliment and the accompanying fact."
"..."
"Ick are you two nerds just about done being boring together?"
"O-oh! Mr. Cipher! My apologies! We were just about done with Dr. Pine's appointment. It's my fault for taking longer than usual with his appointment..."
"You know Doco? Normally I'd be furious buuut this does mean Sixer finally has a buddy to talk about his more boring nerd things with!
Congrats! You've redeemed yourself from me needing to find Sixer a new doctor!
This is definitely a blessing in disguise for me as you humans say! Now, be a doll and tell Sixer to hurry on home now? We've got places to be and mayhem to cause!"
"Of course Mr.Cipher. I'll be sure to do that right away."
"Oh and Doco before I forget, just know that I'll be keeping a closer eye on the time in the future. Fordsy's on a pretty tight schedule you know! I'd hate to have to CUT into both you and him over not keeping track of time.
Although that would mean I'd have the chance to change things up when my pet needs a reminder that he needs to behave... And I would have the chance to really see how your meatsacks work without needing to worry about needing to harm a hair on Sixer's head...
Whoops did I say that out loud? Haha! My bad! Anyways, pleasure talking with you Doco! Byee!!"
"Ugghh..."
"Dr.Pines! Er, I'm sorry to have to cut this conversation short, but Mr.Cipher has requested I let you know that you've been out for a while and must return back to him as quickly as you can."
*Gasp* "O-Oh no! Please forgive me my Muse! I didn't mean to forget to watch the time! I'll be home soon!! ThankyouforyourtimeDr.OleanderbutIsimplymustbegoing!!"
"Dr.Pines, I'll have your meds refilled and ready by hopefully the end of today!!"
*Sigh* "I really need to think about changing professions..."
(Just as soon as she says this, Mcgucket falls out of a tree very ungracefully, scampering after Ford.
"???"
"What the-? Okayyy and now cowboy hillbillies are just falling out of trees now. Why am I surprised??
I'm going home early today, I deserve it. It's too early for this. I can't wait to just go back to bed and hug Calamari soon..."
(I hope you likes my attempt at some fanfiction! I wasn't sure if I should write it like a book or like a visual novel. The font stuff is probably really wonky because I typed this all around 1am and on my phone so my apologies for that lol.
I'm glad you liked my idea at trying to write some fanfiction about your au's Ford and Irene. Or would it be friendfiction in this case?? Anyways, I think I like the platonic route too. Maybe if Ford and Irene were to be a ship it'd be a friends to lovers thing or something? Idk. I was thinking about writing a more Irene and Calamari focused sequal to this, but I'm not sure if I should? Idk lmaoo.)
THIS ANON WROTE A REALLY CUTE FRIENDSHIPPING FIC OF FORD AND OLEANDER looklooklook it's so cuuuuuute 💕
#domesticated ford#ask#fanfic#dr oleander#omg so precious#thank you anon!!!#please compliment anon everyone#ask fiction
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I'm aware you are currently working on the Kinktober, but whenever you've time, could you tell us how you think things would have been if Aizen were the Captain and Shinji the Lieutenant?
Thank you for sending me this ask, I've been mulling over it for a few weeks now! I wanted to answer this to give myself a bit of a break from kinktober. It was a really good thought exercise.
I'm not 100% confident in this response, and it's honestly a lot of rambling, but nonetheless, here are my thoughts:
Imo, their relationship would be dependent on what stage Aizen is at with the hogyoku/Hueco Mundo/his research. Before the start of the story, he recruited a low-seated Kaname into his larger machinations/ideology, in TBTP, Aizen was deliberate in choosing a "loyal" aide in the form of Gin to fulfill the more gruesome parts of his plans. But in his captaincy he chose Hinamori for her admiration. The timing of when Captain Aizen and Lieutenant Shinji occur will greatly affect their dynamic.
Regardless, I believe Shinji will still be completely distrustful of Aizen no matter what "era" he meets Aizen at. He can "sense" something is off about him, even if it is the "kind and gentle" Captain Aizen persona that is being displayed to everyone in the Gotei 13 for centuries.
I think it's important that Gin is the third seat in this scenario as well. Unlike what Aizen and Gin did in TBTP, where Gin killed the pre-existing 3rd seat, Aizen will "allow" Shinji to live, because he knows Shinji is distrustful of him. Again, he will use that to his advantage.
This may be a situation where in private, Aizen and Shinji are antagonistic towards each other, whether that be Shinji trying to trip Aizen up, or Aizen being colder and crueler with his words. It would definitely be a game of tug-of-war between them.
This is getting longer so I'll put everything else behind the read more.
That being said, the reversal of power is something that needs to be talked about. Aizen knew that at some point, Gin would betray him, he just didn't know when and how. I think by keeping Shinji away from his own plans, gives Aizen a bit of leeway in how he approaches Shinji as a Lieutenant. It might amuse him that his Lieutenant is so wary of him, but I wonder if this might be how the "real" Aizen comes out, and it's... humanizing to Shinji? Like the sweet, calm, gentle Aizen is an act, Shinji sees through it, and he gets to experience/witness the actual Captain Aizen. And in a way, he likes that better.
I still think Aizen will use Shinji/betray him somehow. Not in a sense of how he used Momo, but it still shakes Shinji to his core. There was a fundamental reason Shinji couldn't trust Aizen, and now he is seeing why.
Aizen's relationships to particular characters are so fascinating to me, and Shinji is one of them. It is "bonded" by a mutual distrust of one another, and from Aizen, a sense of "disappointment." Going by this, if Shinji fell into one of Aizen's traps, it would disappoint Aizen - his Lieutenant couldn't understand/see eye-to-eye to him. I want to say by the time he meets Hinamori, he is done away with trying to meet someone at his level/trying to understand him. It is why he does away with Momo like that, yet also why I don't think Aizen would do Shinji in a similar fashion.
Story-wise, it would certainly add another level of cruelty once Aizen forces hollowfication on Shinji. Again because of the power dynamic now at play. It was certainly cruel of Aizen to do that as a Lieutenant, but if he were the captain? I think it's crueller. I can't find the words as to why I find it that way (lol), but I think its because fundamentally, while Captain and Lieutenant relationships are diverse and complex, there's an underlying bond of "do no harm." It's why when Aizen stabbed Momo, it was shocking - a Captain wasn't supposed to do that to their Lieutenant. Yes Renji and Byakuya fought, but that was of Renji's choice and will. Momo trusted Aizen, her superior, and yet here we are. I think a similar feeling would arise if Captain Aizen had hollowfied a Lieutenant Shinji.
I don't want to say story-wise, things would have played out the same. Shinji's experience and position as a captain is why he connected with Urahara to some degree. I'm not sure if that would play a part if he were a Lieutenant. It would still drive Urahara to action (because Hiyori would be involved), but Urahara's feelings towards his squad and captaincy in general, might not be as fully-realized.
Ok I'm going to cap it here because I'll just go in a circle LOL. Thanks again for sending this ask! It was nice food for thought.
#bleach#aizen sousuke#hirako shinji#bleach headcanons#shinji hirako#aizen sosuke#sosuke aizen#sousuke aizen#bleach aizen#bleach shinji#a writes#answered#ramblings
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Hello! This is your friendly inquiry to answer this ask with whatever you'd like to talk about right now! Whether that be a story you're working on, something you're excited or worried about, or just something random you happen to know.
All the love,
~ toribookworm ❤️
P.S. Ignore that I have yet to answer your very sweet return ask after my previous one. I am very appreciative, promise. 🥰
Well howdily doodily. No worries about the yet to answer, you've uh...been a little preoccupied so all good water under the bridge.
I think I'll just kind of do what I did last time and start with an idea and see where the rambling takes me.
Let me first use this as a chance to say thank you to all the people who have given me a follow, reblogged any of my things, liked, or whatever else. It really does mean a lot. I consider myself a very amatuer writer (not in a self-demeaning way) what with my exposure to writing mostly being through required english courses for my degree and roleplaying in the early aughts. So to have people not only see my stuff, but like it, is humbling. I'll keep the melodramatics low and just say once again, thank you.
Rambling right along, I also want to put this out that I may be setting up a side-blog for just my writings/other creative things. I hadn't thought when I first set this account up that I would be doing much outside of posting me things, whoops, so I want to make a place where people don't need to scroll through all of my feed to find anything. Still no idea when or what I'll call it, but uh, keep an eye out?
Related, with it being spring (at least it's suppose to be spring, I think Michigan didn't get the memo and speedran to summer...until we get snow next week that is) I'll be going on walks with my partner more often. With that also comes the joy of bringing out the old camera and snapping photos of whatever nature catches our eyes (mostly birds). So I guess maybe expect to see some of that? Idk, with the season changing and taking the depression along with it I've just been filled with a fresh drive. I'm even working up the courage to dive back into an ooooold passion of mine, something that can go hand in hand with my writing, keep an ear out?
Other than all that I'm making some more progress on my WIPs. Slow as it is. I try not to force myself to write when I'm not feeling it, sometimes that puts me right in the middle of a sentence lol. Working through some writers block and all that jazz, but hey that's what having multiple WIPs and one-offs is for (certainly not for procrastination)!
Speaking of which I'm glad to be diving back into my document style story again. Like I always knew I wanted to add more to that universe, I just didn't know how to approach a new series of events without it feeling the exact same as the one I just wrapped up, but I think I found the voice of this installment. To be frank, I was surprised by just how much fun I did have with the first installment (Cavern Chronology). It kind of breaks away from my usual style of writing; sitting down and letting the story create itself. Hopefully people enjoy this new part, either way I know I'll have a blast writing and re-reading it.
Well I'm starting to run out of "talking about myself" steam. So I'll just leave it all at that. Thanks again for reaching out and providing me with this little platform to, idk, just kind of word barf? Yeah that. I hope things are on an upward trend for you.
Some playfully pretentious words of encouragement: Even the thickest of winter's snow too will melt and nourish spring's new growth.
#writing#writeblr#thanks for the ask#asked and answered#no worries if you don't it's all good#I think I'm getting better at talking about myself lol
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Vent post
#ignore me lol#vent post#I am feeling extremely angry and frustrated and alienated#like of course I'm demotivated when I point out injustice and literally everyone just shrugs at me and tells me to get over it#“what are we gonna do about it”#put any thought into it whatsoever for starters#idk I want to give up#the same bitches that tell me not to kill myself are the same ones to vote my rights away#I hate living#I don't even get validation from participating in fan content anymore#im just anxious and feeling rejected all the time#except for like five very specific moots on here#but then I feel like a fucking failure for not knowing how to socialize or show them that I care without being weird and ugh#idk i'm tired#I feel like I put all this energy into making myself acceptable for everyone else and I go out of my way to be positive and compassionate#and then I get fuckall in return#post election blues ig#here's hoping I don't end up under a bridge#I think I would be a vastly different (better) person if everyone around me wasn't a bunch of complacent#selfish#wet blankets.#I'm getting really tired of being treated like I'm crazy for expecting better.#I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to hear that I need to get over it or that everything will be fine#it doesn't help or mean anything#things just get harder and harder and I'm just waiting around#I'm so srs if you read this far don't try to tell me nice things#im in an evil caustic mood and I will just continue pouring negativity in return
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i think my biggest character growth over the past 5-6 years? is being able to do this these days
#it still bothers me but im so much better at moving on & being happy with what i have than i used to be. based !#idk like it's easy to fall into a spiral of alienation like Ohh God... I don't feel this thing that Everyone Else Feels... I must be Broken#but idk. as time goes on i find it easier to focus on like. yes of course the friends that will still prioritize me#but also just Myself. like. It's like the more I think about it like Yeah sure it's alienating to not Fit In to a romance based society but#at the same time it's- not ''i don't think anyone could handle me'' because that sounds stupid as fuck and like I'm full of myself LOL#but like. Well nobody could ever really have the full context of who i Am as a person except for myself. so why am i beating myself up for#not being able to feel a certain way about people when i'm really the only person that can Fully get myself in the first place? when instea#i could just celebrate being myself and being on my own. Of course that's not perfect all the time#but it's a lot better than being 16 again like WHY AM I A FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN PERSON#idk maybe all i had to do was graduate college and get a job LMFAO that one tweet thats like#yea im probably aromantic but i have a job so idrc about that rn#talking
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.
#feeling really lonely lately and idk why#i mean i guess this is what 5 years of complete isolation do to ya lol#but yeah... sometimes it hits me that i don't really have friends (my fault obvs) and i just sit here with no idea how to change that lol#cause i have the curse of being ok while i'm alone and feeling incredibly anxious when i'm with people#so i convince myself that i'm better alone#and i am for the most part#but then 5 years since the last time i met someone that wasn't my mom or my brother go by and i go ''hmm... i don't think this is healthy''#and i spiral into a pit of dispair#like i can't believe that my highschool years when i was an absolute emo ''i hate everybody and everybody hates me'' kind of dude#were healthier than now#because i had online friends whom i talked to for hours about just random shit#and i met incredible people in uni but i haven't talked to them in literally i'm gonna say 5 years?#and the fact that they live 3hs away doesn't help but still#and i fully know I'M the problem#cause i isolate myself and i don't text and i don't hang out when they arrange hang outs#(again being 3hs away. relying on public transport and not feeling comfortable going out at night don't help..)#but also i put waaaayyyy too much pressure on this so that doesn't help at all#and i'm waaaay to awkward and self depricating to even attempt to have a meaningful friendship with anyone...#so i'm left here (by my own actions) alone and sad lol#i might be getting my period btw so maybe that's why i want to die today#but yeah... it's been in my head for a while now and i wanted to get it out so i can move the fuck on#if only i could be a normal person... sigh#angel talks#personal
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I wish my family could just accept that there are some things I'm too anxious and mentally ill to accomplish in life. No matter how hard I try I can't just "get over it" and "stop being so anxious". I've had doctors treat me like a lost cause and even though it's "sad" isn't it far worse to just push myself to the point of having a mental breakdown?
#topic of graduate school came up again after I'd finally given up hope on it... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#I don't think I can do it and it's okay#but my mom is like#'you're not a kid anymore and you need to get over letting things stress you out so much'#'everything gives you a panic attack'#'just stop it'#????????????????#like... do you really think I'm like this for fun lol#if I could 'just stop' I would#I'm not really enthusiastic about anything and there's no real opportunities in my city#school used to make me panic so much I just don't think I can do it again#and I know people talk about all grad students abusing substances and being mentally ill and suicidal#and I've jokingly thought to myself 'oh so I wouldn't be the most messed up person there after all'#but deep down I know that's kind of a harmful mindset to have#like... I can't get better but I don't want to get worse either y'know?#God I don't even know anymore
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I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.
#personal#move back to your small hometown they said#it'll be fun they said#me chanting over and over again:#if you live here you get to see your family all the time#(this is a good thing for me i love my brother and his family)#dude honestly this whole thing is just hilarious at this point#anyway newest drama is that one of the parents thinks it's suspicious that i 'quit' the same time my best friend moved away#the shit that is being said about us right now??? fucking wild#i haven't told any of those kids why i really left because they don't need me to be gossiping about their current coach to them#that would be so unprofessional of me#i say like she wasn't spreading rumors about me to THEM directly last year#we are all in our 30s here why are we acting like fucking teenagers still#i'm about to be real petty when i go visit next week though#'oh my god you won't believe what i heard crystal is telling people at her salon'#to the coach not the kids lol#i have a sneaking suspicion that the she is involved in this gossip in an adjacent way not directly#and i want her to think about the shit she says before she says it#she's mad that i don't want to coach jv when i told her multiple times i don't want to run my own program#and that i'd be happy to help her out as an assistant coach but that having to deal with parents is my worst actual nightmare#see what's happening right now#literally the only reason i applied is because i love those kids and they were all freaking out about my friend leaving#because they thought their current coach was also going to be leaving#and i was like hey i won't leave you guys don't worry#it's her fault that she chose not to include me in any of her brainstorming for next year#if she really wanted me to be involved she would have been talking to me about it back in april#i'm literally barely pulling myself out of my grief hole about losing coaching#and i could have stayed around but i would have been miserable#because it wouldn't have been in the capacity that i really wanted#oof okay i feel a little better after venting a bit
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Slowly discovering the freeing power of the words "I know this is bad but I'll fix it in editing."
#bjk talks#bjk writing rambles#more rambly diary thinking out loud lol don't mind me#i really am starting to feel like very slowly i am actually learning to be a better writer from all this fic stuff#in addition to producing Feels#slash actually starting to develop a writing process rather than just kind of word-spewing#i really hope the end beat of this chap has the impact i want bc it is taking considerable leadup to get there XD#but i'm starting to hit a rhythm of getting some done each day without burning myself out#and focusing on producing a draft that can then be molded#it's challenging because my brain wants the quick dopamine hit of finishing and publishing#rather than focusing on the intermediate steps#tbh this is probably a big part of why longfic has intimidated me up to this point XD#anyway for anyone following along i think i'm about 3/4 done with OYE chapter 4#it's turning out longer than i expected#HOPING to have a full draft to spend time editing this weekend but we'll see#after all this rambling about it the actual chapter is probably gonna be anticlimactic but it helps keep me motivated XD#</ramble>
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One of the funny (?) things about me is that when I was absolutely miserable during the second year of my master's program, that misery expressed itself and evolved into an intense feeling of "I want to go home". And that feeling never went away. It's the first and most powerful thought I get whenever I'm feeling down. Even if I'm already home.
#Don't think I've really talked about it before but#That was genuinely one of the lowest points of my life despite living in Paris (yes I recognize the privilege there)#I was so lonely and wasn't good at doing things by myself#nor did I want to. And I'm still not good at that tbh.#My good friends were in the parallel program (research vs “professional”) and I didn't see them much due to travel-sucking-outside-of-Paris#I didn't like the people I was in class with and sometimes had to be with for 7 days and nights straight#Classes were 9-5 +studying (and commuting) which honestly. Hell. Cooped up in a studio apt so much#Wild to think that for as lame as Logan Utah is and how stressed I was about my thesis I still had a better time there#it at least felt like a valuable use of time. Meanwhile i WISH I could say I remembered anything about my classes.#So I wanted to go home where I could easily see friends and family on a regular basis#get a hug or something#Anyways#It's still my gut feeling when I'm sad but now it just feels silly and misplaced whenever I catch it happening lol#personal
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yay yippee yay :3 🎉
#just me hi#making things i will never ever show to anybody: 💫💫💥💫💫 pfshvbh#you know when you personal-art so hard it could literally be nuclear if anybody saw it. Yeagh kfhsvhjgs#:3 ehehehe [<- pleased]#i love you writing + art combo. i Am giving you a very deep grave though i won't lie <3#//anyway thought i was gonna get flamed today cuz i wouldn't let my mom look at some doobles i had in my sketchbook lmfsvhghs#gay 😔#but we just went out for snacks and she was just talking about a lot of random stuff lol :) chilling comes out on top yet again 👍💥#//anyway i gotta do some studies ᴗ.ᴗ [<- the urge to do it and the desire to Never Ever]#wanna get better at anatomy :/ and shading lmao :/ [<- does not want to do it so bad]#and also backgrounds :// but one step at a time man i don't know what a lighting is lfmvshj#shaking myself by the shoulders like you are GOING to enjoy it at some point it's not the end of enjoyment forever !!#me n mine are going to argue back and forth about it until i finally get it done so [tosses hands in the air]#hopefully i get to it today :) i haven't been trying to do timelapses this past year but maybe i'll do that when i get around to it :>#getting the funk out of the Lagoons means i realized i have been dropping a lot of things i thought were neat over time and i'm tryna pick#them back up lol :3#downside is that where i was dropping things i was picking up anxiety which is Really Cool and Epic#the Most counterintuitive function of the brain i think. doing their best but man it's like putting a rat in a room made of cheese while#it's pouring rain outside and expecting it not to start chowing down lmaoo#//anyway yea!! my things :33#kinda Do want to do studies now Yippee !!! i win yet again ehe >:3#so toodles ciao pop toodles >wó
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i love when i obsess over stuff that isn't even under my control
#ever since wednesday i haven't been able to stop wondering if my friendship is so unimportant that ppl would rather distance themselves from#me rather than talk about any issue they have w me#i'm never going to force anyone to a relationship w me. if they have an issue but would prefer not talk abt it it's on them i can't take#responsibility for it#but then again i can't help but torture myself that maybe thats the better path. just. stop talking to me!!!!!#and then all i think is this is why i always get so detached from ppl lol!!!!!#i spent months convincing myself it didn't hurt and all but it did hurt!!!!!!!!!!!#and it's funny bcs then ppl say they miss me as a friend but all i can think is then why did u let it get to this point!!!!!!!!!!!#everything could have been avoided if u simply talked to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but whatever#if someone doesn't want to communicate whatever issue they have with me it's not my job to find out#jo.txt
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one thing about dating/hookup apps is some people just cannot handle a lull in the conversation?? like my GUY we barely know each other and you have no idea what's going on in my life give me at least a day before you assume i need a reminder to get back to you
#especially from people who are older than me like i would expect you to have more emotional security than this#i think it can be an entitlement thing but i believe most of the time it's an insecurity thing#it's very annoying. idk i feel like when you're in a talking stage you owe each other very little#and then there are people who text you EVERY DAY about getting back to them like my god. at that point it's not even just about#respecting my time it's also like why do you have no self respect. this is humiliating for you.#i've literally never felt the need to do this and i do tend to come off more aloof to people but yeah#also like this is the norm between me and my friends when it comes to texting pretty much across the board. sometimes you go a really long#time before responding it happens#this and being dismissive about me or something i'm into are very easy ways to lose points with me#anyway. having a good time on the apps regardless lol#one thing that has been nice to learn about myself on the apps is that i am way better at defending my boundaries than i thought#i can be a little erratic with my time depending on how many people i'm talking to bc it seems to drain my social energy easily#but i feel like i've been better about it. and this is annoying and unnecessary regardless lmao#karinyo.txt
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