#I think I’m gonna make the kid Damian’s age

[starlooove]

Ok so like my issue is that I have so many AUs revolving my oc that I can’t give a set story or even anything definitive abt how they fit into the timeline so imma just give interesting factoids or whatever;

-batcat kid but specifically an Afro Cuban Selina so the kids afro cuban

-I can’t decide on a gender BUT for names I’m thinking Simón (like See-Mon) but I change my mind by the hour so

-I think their specialty would be stealth and info gathering on a street level as opposed to online. Like I think they’d have the hiding in plain sight thing totally down and they don’t do stakeouts cause they can literally sneak in anywhere when they feel like it.

-Very sticky fingers. Doesn’t even meant to steal shit sometimes and will even return things to their siblings after they notice. Damian goes through an existential crisis when they return a whole fucking sword he didn’t notice was missing.

-Has abandonment issues in the: I’ll screw u over before u screw me over kinda way, and a tendency to run from consequences. Big moment for them is doing smth wrong and instead of hiding or flat out leaving till it’s forgotten, they decide to just stay and take whatever happens. (Whatever they did doesn’t have to be a big deal, maybe like a knocked over vase or whatever; but it’s a big moment in the sense that they feel so secure in not just their place in the fam but the fact that the fam loves them that they can get grounded and be fine or whatever.)

-split up from Selina a lot when it came to escaping or just general wandering for awhile but they always made their way back to eachother. The kind of ppl that can go months without speaking and be completely fine when they come back (tho they absolutely prefer not to and make it a point to see eachother at least thrice a week when the kid gets older)

-Selina’s vv protective of the kid but also doesn’t want them to grow up spoiled and with the ability to survive if smth ever happened to her. She feels like a shitty parent sometimes bc her kid doesn’t seem socially ready for so many things but she can’t help but feel a surge of pride or vindication whenever her kid comes out stronger after something tough. It makes everything worth it when her kid can babble about how they fought off some thug, even if her heart aches as she’s bandaging their bruised knuckles.

-Twin whips. This is me projecting a bit (finding out ppl don’t generally use two nunchucks on the regular after tmnt 2012 fucked me up) but they don’t feel comfortable if they’re not dual wielding. They can’t use one pistol, it’s gotta be two. It just makes them feel unbalanced and unprotected so they follow in their moms footsteps but yknow they had to double it

-big ole eyes. Slightly unsettling. They’re green and if you look at them too fast you could swear their pupils look like slits at times…

-causes problems on purpose and is genuinely surprised by the consequences

-if they ever got caught and genuinely couldn’t escape, Selina would step in but if she thought they could make it out on their own she’d leave some kind of sign or clue as to how to go about it. She’s so proud when they don’t take her cue and escape on their own for the first time.

-is very used to going unnoticed so ppl who are extremely perceptive or pay too much attention to them freaks them out and it makes them kinda defensive. Someone asking about their day will feel like an attempt at getting them to admit to smth and they’ll respond as such.

-don’t know whether to make them younger than Damian or his age for the sheer comedy but either way they get along with him and Duke the most

-starts picking up the caveman grunts from Bruce and everyone is trying to get them out of it. “Let’s use our word sugarplum :)” “Hn.”

-toxic trait is they expect everyone to know what they’re feeling despite looking like they were etched from fucking marble all the time. They genuinely think they’re an open book and don’t understand why Tim doesn’t get that they don’t ACTUALLY hate him they just said that in a fit of rage and it doesn’t matter anymore because it’s over with.

-very go with the flow kinda person tho. “This might as well happen” personified

-smoothtalker to the max, can lie like a fucking rug. Considering their actual blunt kinda awkward personality, watching them lie so smoothly is almost as jarring as watching Batman become brucie wayne.

-if someone talks shit Abt Bruce it’s whatever and same for most of their siblings but they’ll step for Selina and Jason 😭 (spreading my close Selina and Jason agenda btw)

-tells Jason that if he doesn’t take them on a joyride around Gotham, they’ll let themselves get caught in Bristol and tell Selina that he wasn’t watching their back. They get batburger on the way back

-is very black and white at times and they know that ppl CAN change but they’re also not very forgiving. “Fool me once and fuck you I can’t wait to dance on your fucking Grave” kinda thing.

-big moment is them telling Damian or smth “I don’t wanna be mad at you anymore” and forgiving them for smth big. Smth Abt love being worth heartache and smth Abt how ppl can hurt you w/o meaning too but that doesn’t mean they love u any less or whatever.

-that’s kinda all I got

-OH! They’re darkskinned btw. None of that light caramel macchiato swirl yall always do to mixed kids. I’m thinking Eartha Kitt or Harley Quinn show Selina so they’d be somewhere in there with dark hair. They get strong brows from Bruce (I’m thinking duckytrees drawings of him) and the way they emote is all him.

[to-the-stars8]

The Waynes' Nanny

Notes: So, this is my oopsy of adding another story to my roster, but oh well. Here's my other note: Just a little side note. To make this story work, I had to de-age the majority of the characters. So, Dick is 15, Cass 10, Jason 9, Tim 7, Duke 6, and Damian 4. Just FYI. Obvi The Nanny Inspired

Bruce Wayne x Reader, Batfamily, platonically, x reader

Summary: One day, after getting fired from your job by your ex, you somehow ended up in Wayne Manor as the family's new nanny. Working with six kids is tough enough, but the handsome, rich, and emotionally confused father, billionaire Bruce Wayne, who is just too charming makes it a bit more difficult as your feelings for him confuse you. Nonetheless, you love the job and the kids, but soon enough you realize that maybe you're falling in love with the boss, too.

Pilot Pt. 1

“You have to be kidding me, fired?” You said shocked, leaning over the counter.

Your boyfriend then quickly added, “And, I’m breaking up with you.” 

The words could not come off your lips. Instead, you babbled for a good thirty seconds before just turning on your heel to leave. You stopped a couple of times to say something, but the shock was still settling in. It wasn’t until you were outside, watching people on the street that your senses came back. Turning around, you sucked in a breath and threw open the store door.

You pointed at your ex and loudly announced, “You have a small dick, and I’m collecting unemployment! So, hah!” 

Not feeling the victory, but glad that there were more than a dozen people to continue the rumor of your boyfriend’s supposedly small penis, you left.

Luckily, you were quick to find another gig thanks to a family friend. Granted, you hated going door to door trying to sell insurance in Gotham, but it paid you just enough not to be out on the street. This week, however, you were assigned to the other end of the city—The rich part. And, it certainly did live up to your expectations. These people had yards and gardens, and the air even smelled better. If you could only find a rich man, you think you’d be very happy in such a place. 

You looked down at the list of addresses your boss had given you before looking back up at the impressive sight of the house. With a sigh, you pressed the buzzer on the gate and went over your script. 

“Hello, my name is…” 

Before you could finish a British accent came through the buzzer. “Are you here for the nanny position?”

Looking around, you didn’t see a reason as to why you shouldn’t say yes. Absent-mindedly, you said, “I could be.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Oh, um, yes! Yes, I am.” It couldn’t hurt 

Suddenly, another buzz and the sound was clicking of the gate unlocking. Cautiously, you pushed your way through and you headed up the path to the front door. It was a near quarter mile to get to the house and up a hill. By the time you got up to the front of the house, you were winded and slightly sweaty. At the top of the stairs stood an old man in a suit, looking down at you with indifference. Slowly, you climbed the stairs to him. 

“You really gotta warn a girl if she’s gonna take a hike,” You huffed. 

“Most people drive,” The old man said, and you recognized the accent from the buzzer. 

You snickered at the old man, following him in, and you were amazed by just how wonderful the place was. As you entered, you did a turn, and you were amazed by just how big the house—No, mansion—was. 

“Would you like me to present your resume to Mr. Wayne?” Asked the man. 

Luckily, you were quick on your feet, “No, I’ll do it myself. Thank you.”

The man relented, giving you a disbelieving look, and went away. You sat down in one of the chairs in the foyer, quickly pulling out some papers to write some type of passable resume. As you were going for a pen, you realized quickly that you didn’t have one. Panicked, you looked around for one. 

“Ugh,” A voice said, and a boy no older than seven or eight stumbled from a doorway. On him, fake blood and a knife. He cried, “I’m dying!” before collapsing onto the floor. 

“You wouldn’t happen to have a pen, would you?” You asked, but the boy didn’t respond. Defeated, you decided quickly what you said as you saw the old man and a younger, much more handsome return. 

“Tim,” The younger man said. “We’ve talked about this. You can’t scare the guests.”

The boy opened his eyes, “I'm studying people's reactions to gore and pain.”

The man rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to you. He held out his hand toward you to shake, you took it and instantly liked the way his grip was strong. “I’m Bruce Wayne—”

“Oh, yeah! I’ve seen you on TV,” You said excitedly. “I loved the black suit you wore for that ceremony in the park last month.”

Mr. Wayne seemed taken aback by the compliment, but thank you anyway. “Just follow me into the kitchen. We can talk more there.” As he started to lead you away, he turned to the boy still lying on the floor. “Tim, go clean up, please.”

“I will, but only because you said please!” The boy cried out. 

Mr. Wayne shook his head and asked you not to mind him for now. Smiling, you replied that it was no big deal, kids were going to be kids either way. He seemed to agree with you on that and asked you more about yourself. You told him as much as you could think of, not willing or wanting to hold anything back. 

When you finally sat at the kitchen table did you stop talking to let Mr. Wayne talk, but he seemed more pleased to listen. Though, you knew better than to rattle on more than necessary. Maybe, you thought, this was why so many women thought him to be such a charming guy. 

“Can I see your resume, then?” He asked. 

Laughing nervously, you said, “Oh, uh, well, you see, I lost it on my way over here.”

“Is that right?” Mr. Wayne said, sounding like he didn’t entirely believe you. 

“Yes! Yes, it’s the damnedest thing,” You said. “I always seem to have these bouts of terrible luck.”

“Uh-huh,” He said. 

You were going to answer when a voice called out, “Dad!” 

Just then, two boys, one about fifteen and the other around ten, walked in. They seemed surprised to see you when they entered, glancing at their father before telling you hello. You got up, walking over to the boys and cupping their cheeks. 

“My, look how handsome!” You looked over your shoulder at Mr. Wayne. “And those pretty blue eyes! They must get them from you.”

“We’re adopted,” The younger one said. “And I’m Jason.”

You grinned and bent over to look at the boy. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m…”

“You’re the new nanny?” The older boy said. 

You started to answer, but Mr. Wayne cut you off. He told the boy, named Richard, that he could be nicer to you. Richard, or Dick as he called himself unfortunately, protested that Bruce was shuffling his responsibilities on some random lady from the inner city. Bruce was quick to dismiss him to his room, stating that they would speak later, and immediately apologized to you. 

“A kid makes a smart-ass comment, what’re you gonna do?” You smiled. 

“Right,” Bruce cleared his throat, not paying attention to what you were saying. “Well, those two were the oldest boys, I have one girl between them. Then, it’s Tim, Duke, and Damian. My youngest is four.”

“Trying to build a basketball team, Mr. Wayne?” You couldn’t help, but laugh at your joke. He didn’t seem as amused by it, so you quickly went quiet. 

“Yes, well, thank you for coming, but I don’t think I’m in the mood to hire sales girls from off the street.”

You rolled your eyes, mumbling that you could do it and that you had plenty of experience in taking care of children as you babysat a lot when you were a teenager. Mr. Wayne didn’t seem to hear anything you said, though, nor the phone ringing off the hook. 

“Alfred! Will you get that,” He called, seeming a bit stressed. 

“Oh, you cannot be that rich not to answer your phone,” You said, getting up and picking up the phone from the receiver. Putting it to your ear, you answered, “Wayne residence.”

“Give me that,” Mr. Wayne said and snatched the phone from your hand. “Hello?”

He went back and forth with the person on the other line, talking about how he needed a nanny. Yet, he seemed to be getting nowhere. The entire time, you laid yourself in front of him as he tried to talk to the person on the other end to get him a nanny. After a minute or two, he put the receiver down and looked at you. 

You grinned, knowing that you got the job. “You’re hired—On a trial basis!”

“Oh, thank you, Mr. Wayne!” You threw yourself at him, squeezing him tight. “You won’t regret it.”

“Right,” Bruce cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll have Alfred show you to your room—”

“I get to live here?” You asked excitedly. 

Bruce almost smiled, but held it back. “Yes. If you like.”

“If I like,” You laughed like he was joking. “Of course. Oh, it’s going to be great.”

Mr. Wayne nodded, acting like he believed you, but didn’t know for sure. He wondered if he made the right choice not only for his children but for himself as well. Since he only knew you for half an hour, he found himself being intrigued by you.

Despite this, how he felt didn’t matter. All that did matter was if the children liked you and if you were competent enough to look after them. After all, it wasn’t like he was going to fall in love with you. 

[suzukiblu]

"🍻❓" poll winner, "your honor uncuff me so I can high-five my life", aka "Billy and Damian and the whole soulmate thing". (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“You still can’t take me in,” Billy retorts, folding his arms and scowling at Batman again. He doesn’t care how many stupid bedrooms Batman has, because–“You’ve got a ton of kids and all of Gotham to worry about. You don’t even have time to do the paperwork, much less actually figure out how to keep me from just walking out the stupid door. And Fawcett needs me, plus our social services wouldn’t send me all the way to Gotham anyway!”

And Robin was already worried about his dad getting rid of him; there’s no way he’s gonna feel any better about his dad spending all that time on getting custody of another kid, his soulmate or not. Plus it’d be weird! It’d be super-weird, getting fostered by his soulmate’s dad! 

“You’re twelve,” Batman says like that is even slightly relevant to literally a single thing that they’re talking about. 

“I’m leaving. I’ll come back when I’m eighteen and can marry Robin,” Billy announces, glowering at him. “Good luck next time the apocalypse is magic or Superman gets mind-controlled or all the adults get kicked off the planet, ‘cuz everybody in Young Justice is too old to fix that for you now and I'm not gonna be around to.” 

“Technically the speedster and the clone are both under the age of ten,” Robin says. “They might manage a loophole.” 

“Oh, maybe,” Billy says, frowning in consideration. “I guess it depends on the spell, in that case? Well, or if it’s even a spell again at all, that’s–”

“Wait, you did get kicked off the planet then!” Flash protests indignantly. Billy gives him a withering look. He and Robin were talking. Also, isn’t it obvious what happened anyway? 

“Captain Marvel got kicked off the plant,” he retorts dubiously. “I just went back and forth whenever I transformed. Duh.” 

“How is that even possible?” Superman asks, looking stressed. “You were still twelve.” 

“Actually I was like eight then,” Billy says, because again, his age has literally nothing to do with anything, but whatever. “Well, eight and a half.” 

Superman puts his face in his hands, for some reason, which makes about as much sense as everyone keeping on bringing up that he’s twelve. Billy literally does not even care, at this point. Superman thinks he can’t even do his job. 

[transtravisstoll]

Batkids Age Reversal List

want to do a age reversal AU for the batkids but why do the comics keep fucking up their ages this has taken me weeks of trying to figure out i’m gonna off the DC comic writers. if you have any better ideas for their ages pls let me know im going to gouge my eyes out if i have to do any more math.

alfred: ???

-immortal. fuck you. he looked death in the face and told him to stop tracking mud all over his freshly mopped floors and that dinner was at eight.

bruce: 39

-had damian at eighteen bc i wanted it to be as close to his age gap with dick in canon as possible but i am not having this man fathering a child at 15

damian: 21

-came to gotham at age 8, refused to be a normal kid bc he was literally raised an assassin and bruce doesn’t know how to encourage nonviolent activities in children so letting him fight crime seemed… better than being an assassin. he, at the age of eight, could not come up with a name that wasn’t fucking Terrifying so whenever gordon asked for his “little shadow”‘s name they were suspiciously silent bc no, damian, you can not call yourself Vengeance or Malice. the media called him shadow and it stuck.

duke: 18

-wanted to keep his age gap with tim similar, but with duke being the older one, instead of doing dick and jason’s age gap bc it makes more sense this way.

-his parents got jokerified when he was 12, and so did a Lot of people in the Narrows. it absolutely decimated their little community so duke became signal. he didn’t fight crime, he gave back to his community, he helped with the cleanup. bruce ended up basically kidnapping the poor kid. (duke ran away from his foster home because he wasn’t a glorified babysitter or maid, fuck you, he can crash on couches.)

STEPH: 16

-again, wanted to keep the age gap between steph and tim the same but keeping steph the older one. makes more sense this way!! leave me alone.

-became spoiler at 13, was only spoiler for a year before she became shadow at 14 for about six months in between damian and jason. there was a six month period as well where bruce didn’t have a shadow and alfred literally had to bribe steph to be shadow bc he wasn’t abt to let a kid run around the gotham night without knowing batman was two steps ahead of them. plus, having a kid with him made bruce more cautious.

TIM: 15

-FINALLY got to mimicking the age gap between dick and jason in canon

-never becomes shadow, actually, he takes bab’s spot as their computer wiz. doesn’t call himself oracle though because he fucking sucks at making names. calls himself override (barf).

-also, steph is the only one who hes told he’s override to and also knows the batfam’s identities

-duke knows tim is override bc he’s scary like that!! tim doesn’t know duke knows he’s override, but duke knows that tim knows their identities and tim Also doesn’t know that. duke is fr terrifying. love him.

-tim figured out the batfam because of duke’s meta abilities bc he’s also scary like that

Jason: 14

-oh, he’s… currently out of commission. became shadow at 12.

-didn’t die in ethiopia, because fuck that plot. he was doing a stakeout but the joker had kidnapped this itty little baby (an eight year old boy) who he found running around the gotham night. jason went out of commission saving that little boy. what does out of commission mean? who knows. could be dead. could be severely injured. kidnapped. the possibilities are endless.

-i think it’s fucked that the comic fans voted for a fifteen year old to die by the joker. y’all are crazy.

cass: 13

-mimicking jason and cass’ age gap with cass being younger bc it makes more sense leave me alone

-isn’t a Batman approved shadow (yet) but she shadows batman anyways after jason’s… indisposed. the bonus is that batman doesn’t Know he has a shadow but gotham is kept in the dark abt shadow being (redacted) because cass and jason had the same exact fucking build, okay, jason hasn’t gotten his growth spurt yet (because of childhood malnutrition) . weird how batman lost weight though, after he went on that rage incident after the latest arrest of the joker. he’s leaner now. (is it the same batman? who knows.)

dick: 8

-mimicking the tim and damian age gap, bc it’s six years in my head leave me alone.

-huh, jason went out of commission saving an eight year old and dick is eight… suspicious. coincidence? hm.

babs: 7

-mimicking the babs and dick age gap but with babs being younger bc i think she’s older in canon? unsure. DC please i’m going to kill you and then me.

[solar-wing]

⚣ Duke To The Rescue 💈

⚣💈A/N → Usually, I write my reader characters as general as possible in all manors of looks and traits so as many people as possible can relate (whether male or g/n). But, I wanted to give some special attention since I rarely see any content like this being an African-American writer and reader myself. Hope you all like it! Plus, this is triggering some dark memories of when I used to get my hair cut so enjoy my pain lol.

⚣💈 Summary → You're the newly adopted Wayne kid after your parents are caught in the crossfire of one of Batman's battles. Bruce, trying to prove himself a better father, attempts to do your hair but since he knows nothing about African-American haircare, you're in for a painful ride. Your poor hairline...

⚣💈 Words → 2.0k

REBLOGS and replies are greatly appreciated, please!💛

⚣ ENJOY 💈

“Okay, so how do I do this?” Your dear old dad asks.

“I don’t know! I’m just a kid! Aren’t you supposed to be the parent and know these things?” You asked with your hands waving around animatedly as you sat on a stool chair taken from the dining room into one of the many bathrooms.

Bruce gave you his signature frown while looking at the assortment of combs and hair products on the sink.

After your parents had gotten caught in the crossfire between Batman and one of his notable nemeses, the billionaire decided to take you in, making you an official Wayne kid.

For a 7-year-old, you were very knowledgeable. Something your new legal guardian immediately noticed after adopting you, and because of your age, you were now officially the youngest kid Bruce had taken in. 

You were also the only other African-American kid Bruce decided to take in outside of Duke. And that didn’t even really technically count since Duke was already a teenager by the time Bruce officially adopted him.

So, your adopted father was at a loss for words while staring in the mirror at your hair while you played games on his phone. Your hair had grown to a considerable length, and you’d been asking your adoptive father for a while now to help you get this new style that was becoming more popular called ‘twists.’ Well, new to you since you hadn’t seen it before.

‘I thought that was a dance move.’ Bruce thought to himself.

When you showed him the video you saw, the Dark Knight persona immediately decided he was taking you to a professional barber who knew more about your hair texture and maintenance to give you what you needed.

At least until Jason ran his big mouth.

“Wow, old man. Can’t even take care of your own kid’s hair. Shameful.”

He was really just patronizing the older man, always enjoying the moments when he got a reaction from him now and then. But, he’d begun to regret that decision when he along with your other siblings saw Bruce carrying an armful of hair products and tools to the upstairs bathroom while holding your hand in his other hand leading you upstairs.

It was quite comical seeing the frightened look you threw at your second oldest brother as he along with your other siblings watched Bruce’s towering frame lead your tinier one up the grand staircase with you looking like you were heading for your doom.

In hindsight, you might have been, and Jason could only smile sheepishly at you as Bruce led you toward the bathroom.

Now, they all stood outside the bathroom watching their shared father struggle as he read over the ingredients from the different hair products.

“How bad do you think this is gonna go?” Steph asked.

“Oh, I’m betting on a full shit show within the first 10 minutes,” Dick said while munching on some popcorn.

“10? You’re too graceful dickhead. I’m betting 3 and half minutes tops.” Jason threw out while reaching to grab some popcorn before having his hand slapped by the acrobat. “Hey!” He yelled in offense before getting into a sorta-ish fight with Dick, trying to tug the bag of popcorn from him.

“Cut it out, you two! You act like wild children throwing tantrums.” Damian snapped at the two vigilantes.

“Says the actual child who throws ninja stars and daggers during a tantrum when daddy grounds him from patrol,” The Red Hood persona remarked, stuffing his mouth with a handful of buttery popcorn after nabbing the bag from his older brother who was now mean-muggin' the shit of him.

Damian growled at Jason, rolling up his sleeves before Steph grabbed him by the back of his shirt, pulling him back to his place. The second Robin laughed while taunting the young assassin, throwing kernels at his face.

While that was going on, you sat and watched Bruce read label after label on the various hair-care product bottles.

“Uh, Bruce, are you sure we can’t just go to a barber?” You asked, a fearful tone evident in your voice which did not do well for Bruce’s confidence. Even as a 7-year-old, you could tell when a situation was about to go left without the side comments from your adoptive siblings.

“No, no, Y/N! I got this. What kind of father would I be if I didn’t take care of my own child’s hair.” Bruce said while reading the red bottle. He was holding his phone in the other hand, reading a review online under his breath, “...mixed with a high amount of sulfates to help cleanse build-up of oils and other products in the hair.”

“You realize Jason was joking, right? Right?! Jason, tell him you were joking!” You frantically shouted, turning in your seat towards the vigilante who held a sheepish smile while his mouth was full of popcorn.

“I was joking.” He tried to say, words muffled by his chewing.

“Y/N, calm down. If Bruce can handle taking down crazy madmen and women at night as Batman, how hard could it be to do a simple hairstyle?” Tim spoke trying to reassure you.

And it almost worked…until you felt Bruce try to brush your hair with what you were sure was Stephanie’s hair brush.

“Is that my hairbrush?” Steph asked.

“It says I’m supposed to pick his hair out before washing? Is brushing not the same as picking?” Bruce asked, looking at his kids with the most confused face.

“I’ll pray for you at your funeral, Y/N.”

The desperate and confused face on Bruce's face was actually so adorable that if you weren’t terrified for your scalp (and life) at that moment, you would’ve hugged him just to help him feel better.

Cass had walked into the bathroom before grabbing a larger comb off the counter and switching it with the hairbrush in Bruce’s hands before returning the purple hair tool to its rightful owner.

“Thanks, Cass,” Steph said.

‘You’re welcome.’ She signed back.

“Alright, here we go,” Bruce uttered before grabbing your shoulder and placing the comb at the base of your scalp, pulling back to ‘pick’ through your hair.

“Ow, OW, OOOWWWWWW!” You shouted in pain while holding on to the counter for dear life, feeling like your face would tear in half.

“Bruce, you’re going to rip his head off!” Dick yelled, coming to your rescue, “You gotta comb from the sides.”

He pulled the comb to the side of your hair causing your head to yank in that direction.

“OW!”

“Whoops, okay, maybe that was wrong,” Dick said, smiling in apology at you.

“Alright, you idiots, get out of the way. Looks like another issue I have to take care of for you.” Jason stated, placing the popcorn down before cracking his knuckles which really did not help ease the nerves and fear you were feeling in your stomach. He pulled up his sleeves and licked the butter off his fingers, which, gross by the way, “You gotta pull with some strength.”

“OOOWWW!” You yelled, glaring hard at your older brother who once again just smiled sheepishly at you.

“You guys are hopeless,” Tim sighed, grabbing the comb only to make it worse by tangling more into your hair.

“TIM!” You screamed.

“Maybe I’m hopeless too.” He said, a confused expression taking over his face as he tried to figure out how to solve this.

“Okay, simpletons. Move over.” Damian said.

Your eyes went wide at that.

“UH UH, back away gremlin!” You grabbed the nearest thing that could be considered a weapon which turned out to be another hairbrush. Not even caring, you decided you would make it work. 

Damian was not allowed anywhere near your hair.

“What the- I’m older than you!”

“So?!”

“Fair point, brother.”

Stephanie tried to help but only managed to get the comb fully lost in your hair. You could feel yourself getting dizzy and a headache coming on as your head had been yanked back and forth in different directions. 

As your family was busy yelling back and forth at each other while playing tug-of-war with your scalp, none of them even noticed when Duke came up the stairs, confused by all the chaos.

“What’s going on?” The Signal persona asked Cassandra.

‘They’re trying to do Y/N’s hair,” She signed.

Duke’s eyes went wide as he heard your cries of pain before rushing into the bathroom.

The tears forming in your eyes were clear as day as your tiny hands gripped the counter with everything you had, feeling like if you’d let go at any moment, you’d be yanked out of the chair and swung back and forth like a yo-yo. Duke also saw Damian creeping through the mess to grab at the tangled comb in your hair, giving it a yank causing another cry of pain from you making him smirk in cruel enjoyment.

“Hey!” Duke screamed at the top of his lungs, effectively shutting everyone up and turning their attention toward him. “Everyone out!” He pointed his thumb behind him. They all quickly shuffled out of the bathroom, mumbling to themselves while Bruce remained behind, looking quite beside himself.

Duke picked up the bottle the older man was holding in his hand before turning it over, seeing the ingredients and what he had pulled up on his phone.

“Really, Bruce? Sulfate?” Duke said.

The billionaire only groaned before his forehead fell into this palm, “I should’ve just taken him to a barber.” He grumbled,

Duke looked towards you, seeing how tense you were and the fresh tears in your eyes from the amount of pain your scalp was in.

“Don’t worry, little bud, I got ya.”

~~~

A few hours later, everyone was waiting in the kitchen while Alfred served refreshments before hearing your happy feet skipping down the hallway, Duke right on your trail. Your hair was done, washed and conditioned, and twisted right into the style you wanted.

“Ta-da!” You yelled upon entering the kitchen, opening your arms as if you were giving a grand finale. A mix of delightful reactions and cheers filled the room from your family members, everyone smiling at how excited you looked. Even JDamian, despite how small it was.

“Wow! Look at you, Y/N,” Dick said, biting into an apple.

“Hold still! I’ve got to get pictures for my feed.” Steph said while coming to take some pics of you.

“You look quite charming if I do say so myself, Master Y/N,” Alfred said, before handing you a cookie.

“Thanks, Alfred!” You said, happily munching on the treat, before climbing into one of the stools without any assistance. Okay, you had a little help from Jason to make sure you didn’t slip, but since he didn’t mention it, neither would you.

Bruce walked up to Duke, who was still standing by the entrance to the kitchen leaning against the wall.

“Thank you, Duke.” He said, patting his shoulder, which was weird for Bruce, but he was learning how to show more affection to his kids now that he had you so everyone was slowly getting used to it. 

They were also weirded out by it too.

“No problem. Just glad I got here when I did. By the way, why didn’t you just take him to a barber?” He asked.

Bruce looked reluctant to say, so the brown-skinned boy didn’t push it, “Don’t worry. I won’t ask. But, if you want me to teach you how to take care of it, just ask. I learned from watching my parents do my hair growing up. Then, when I kind of had to start taking care of myself in the foster system, I picked up some different tricks here and there.” He explained, answering Bruce’s questions before he could even ask.

“Thank you,” The older man said before their heads turned at the sound of you screaming.

They saw Damian next to you with another smirk as you rubbed the back of your still tender head with an irritated grimace at the youngest Robin.

“Damian!” Bruce shouted.

“What? That’s what he gets for calling me a gremlin.” Damian said before he felt a harsh tug on his own hair, looking back to see you with your own mischievous smile.

“Ow!”

“Now, we’re even, gremlin.”

☀️ | Bat Family | ☀️

☀️ | Masterlists | ☀️

[wolfjackle-creates]

Ghost!Robin Part 4

Here's your next part of the Ghost!Robin fic for WIP Wednesday. I'm gonna start putting fic designation in the title field rather than WIP Wednesday because I think it makes it easier to read.

Also, everyone came out in numbers for last week's segment! Damn! Thank you and I'm glad so many of you are enjoying this little fic of mine. We'll probably get one more week of this before I go back to Bring Me Home, but it'll depend what I feel like. I want to rework some of what I have written next.

First, Previous

1.1k words + a 464 word Omake (cut scene)

----------

Tim asked more details on the specs of the PDA which Danny happily answered. The things he built with Tucker were always his favorite inventions.

“So are you in school to become an engineer or something?” asked Dick who’d gotten Damian calmed down and sitting. The boy had gotten his knife back and was spinning it in his hands. Bruce seemed to be fondly exacerbated by the scene. Robin had pulled out a ghostly weapon and was trying to copy Damian’s movements, though he wasn’t quite as adept.

Danny shook his head to Dick’s question. “Nah. Hard to get into engineering school when you fail high school.” Danny narrowed his eyes as Damian’s mouth opened, but Dick whispered in his ear again and the boy didn’t say anything.

“I ended up dropping out of high school and getting a GED,” said Tim. “It can work just as well.”

Robin was nodding along and pointing at himself, too. Had he died before he could complete his schooling, too?

“I’m sure. It’s just not a priority for me right now. I don’t need one for my job and I can’t become an astronaut because of my accident when I was fourteen.”

Dick was nodding, but Tim looked confused and asked, “Fourteen? I thought you had your accident when you were older?”

“Why would you think that?” Had he or Jazz made any reference to when his accident was? “No, it happened when I was fourteen. A few weeks before I started my freshman year of high school.

Before Tim could ask anything else, Steph called out from the other side of the room. “Did you say you wanted to be an astronaut? Totally awesome. What made you pick that?”

“I honestly don’t know why everyone doesn’t want to be astronauts! Space is so cool. We can learn so much about the universe by studying it in closer detail. And with how many aliens are now living at least part time on Earth, it only makes sense to explore and see what else might be out there.”

Bruce nodded at him. “I am sorry you aren’t able to become one.”

Danny just waved a hand in the air. “I came to terms with it a long time ago. And my current job is fine. Might not be what I would’ve chosen, but I’ve made it work for me.” Deciding he should change the subject before someone had the brilliant idea to ask more about his accident or job, he asked, “So what is for dinner, anyway? You’ve all talked about how amazing the food is, but what are we having?”

Someone tried to speak up, but Jason held up a hand. “I’m the one who helped Alfie cook. Demon-brat is vegetarian so we have a vegetarian curry. If you like meat, there’s a prime rib roast. Then a half dozen different sides—vegetables, rice, potatoes. Huge salad with all the fixings and a dozen different dressings to choose from. And dessert after.”

“Damn, that sounds amazing. I haven’t had a good home cooked meal in ages, so I’ve been looking forward to this.”

“Has your Grandpa been keeping you that busy?” asked Jazz.

“That, but also getting things in order to take this evening off. There’s just been a lot. I’m spending the night at yours, by the way.”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t.”

Danny knew he could rely on Jazz.

“Ooh, do you have any good stories about Jazz as a kid?” asked Jason.

Laughing, Danny said, “So many! But I don’t think we’ll be able to get to those tonight. I’ve a feeling you’ll be interested in other things by that point.” At his words, Robin grinned and pointed at himself. Danny gave him a slight nod to confirm that yes, they’d be talking about him.

Before Jason could ask for clarification, Alfred came in to announce dinner was ready.

Robin cheered and flew over to sit on Alfred’s shoulders, hand extended, to lead the way to the dinning room. Danny couldn’t hold back the chuckle and Jazz shot him a look which he ignored.

“There better be a place setting for you, Alfie!” called Jason as they followed.

“You made your opinion quite clear, Master Jason. And as I wish to meet your young lady and her brother as well, I have set myself a plate at the main table.”

Tim leaned over to whisper to Danny. “Alfred considers his role as butler very important. He rarely eats with the rest of us unless we join him in the kitchen.”

Danny nodded to show he understood, but had no idea how to actually reply to that. It seemed needlessly complicated.

Once they made it to the dining room, Danny grinned as Robin did a flip off of Alfred’s shoulders and landed sitting down on one of the place settings facing the associated chair. He bit his cheek to keep from laughing as Jason sat down at that same place. Jazz took a seat next to him and Danny sat to her other side. Dick ended up sitting next to him.

The scents of all the food wafting off the table made his mouth water and he closed his eyes just to breathe it in. “This smells amazing. Thanks Alfred. And Jason.”

Even Robin had moved to look over every dish, reaching out a hand to try and take something and sighing when he just phased through it.

Even Jazz looked a bit overwhelmed at the quantity of food. “This is so much effort. You didn’t have to do all this just for Danny and me.”

Bruce smiled at her. “It is so rare for all of us to be together for dinner so we make a spectacle of it any time it happens. And this is the first time Jason has ever brought anyone with him which makes it an even bigger event.”

Danny nudged her. “So, Jazz, what’s it like living with someone who can cook?”

Jason laughed. “Jazz isn’t allowed in the kitchen. You know, I caught her grabbing my chef’s knife before going into the fridge the other day!”

Danny furrowed his brow. “Of course she did. It’s a fridge.”

“Wait, is that a family trait? Why do you grab a knife to open the fridge? There’s gotta be a good story behind that.”

Before Danny could make the obvious statement regarding attacking food, Jazz elbowed him. “We’ll tell you later. It has to do with our parents and that’s a large topic and not one we should get into now.”

Before Danny could ask any questions about what the big deal was, Dick nudged him. “Which do you want—curry or beef?”

---------

Omake

Ignoring all of it, Danny shook his head and answered Dick. “Nah. Hard to get into college when you fail high school and are legally dead.”

Multiple people, including Jason, exclaimed at that statement and he looked to Jazz.

“Did Jazz not tell you about that? Our parents swear they saw my ghost and had me declared legally dead. I was missing at the time so the coroner agreed. Sighting the ghost of a missing person is all you need to confirm death in Amity.”

Under her breath, Jazz added, “You were only missing because they had you.”

Danny elbowed her and quietly chirped a Safe now.

Bruce was no longer smiling and was looking at Danny with narrowed eyes. “Your parents had you declared dead.”

“Yeah. It’s fine, though. I’ve an amazing doctor if I get into trouble. My grandfather is watching out for me. I’m financially stable. My partners are able to rent an apartment large enough for all three of us. I have other places to stay when I’m traveling. Honestly, it doesn’t impact my life all that much. Just means I’m not gonna go to college. And only reason I wanted to go to college was to be an astronaut, but my health makes that impossible.”

“Hn…” Bruce hummed.

And Danny had no idea what that meant, but Robin was now laughing, and Dick was exchanging grins with Tim, and Steph and Cass were whispering together. Damian was glaring at him even harder, blade hilt gripped in his hand. These people were strange.

Danny looked over at Jazz who shrugged. Jason was glaring at Bruce and said, “Don’t you dare.”

“Look, it’s really not a big deal. I know it’s kinda a messed up situation, but ghosts are generally treated really well in Amity. As well as any living human, at least. So long as you avoid the Guys in White and my parents that is. So outside of interactions with them, nothing has changed.”

“If you are ever in need of a place to stay or a meal or anything, you’ll have a room here,” offered Bruce.

Robin landed on Danny’s shoulders and was sending out happy-celebrate feelings. Steph handed Cass a few bills. Tim and Dick mimed giving each other fist bumps. Jason put his head in his hands and groaned. Duke was grinning at them all.

Damian half stood and said, “Father—!”

But Dick was at his side and pulling him back down to the couch with an arm around his shoulders, hand over his mouth, and whispering into his ear before he could do more than say the one word.

“Seriously, it’s not a big deal.” Trying to think of anyway to change the subject, he asked, “So what’s for dinner, anyway?”

And for the Tag List! (Which absolutely exploded this week. Holy shit.)

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Next

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The celebration post for 100 followers will be going out in another day or two! I've just had a really busy few weeks and didn't do as much writing as I was hoping for. But I hope to finish writing today and then I'll just take a few hours to edit.

[devine-fem]

Damian lovers (and by extension of this ask,damijon lovers) don't explore the fact that Damian was extremely cultured for the majority of his life before coming to live with Bruce. Like that 10 yr old is experiencing culture shock!! Ofc he's gonna act out and disobey authority figures he doesn't even know

Yes he had rules and obligations as an Al ghul,but he traveled and saw so much of the world that most,if none of the robins never got a chance to see at their ages... Then he's expected to be by his Father's side in order to learn and grow.. NOT TO SAY HE HASN'T!!! but to be stuck in such a gloomy place like Gotham when he grew up in such a beautiful island surrounded by the very flora and flauna that the Al Ghuls strive to protect...

The damijon part is where Damian shows Jon how other parts other than the Western world work,showing him all the wonderful cultures and history he's seen throughout his life before him,before his father. How integral this is to his identity as an Al Ghul and now he wants his closest person to be able to experience it with him... Jon showed him how to adapt to western culture when they were kids and now Damian shows him what the world has always looked like to him,how hard it was to let go of his cultured past when coming to America

I don’t talk about the culture shock because I admit to not knowing a whole lot of how culture shock works to be honest. Like I know if I took me as I am now and dropped me into China I’d be extremely confused and lost as to how things functioned around me but to survive I’d have to pick up on it and Damian’s a smart kid I think it wouldn’t be too bad for him…?

I think Damian functions entirely differently from a normal person no matter where he is, lol, like what Damian al ghul has experienced and isn’t common for any child… ever… so is it culture shock as much as it is… constantly perpetual states of shock?

His whole character is him relearning everything. Or maybe, I am misinterpreting it? Is culture shock a bad thing? or is it just an interesting concept?

Is it a trauma?

I’ll take it as an interesting concept for now and just discuss the damijon part of it because that’s what I’m good at.

Do you realize that Jon has grown up on a farm his whole childhood? LOL. Do you realize that Jon Kent would be fascinated by an ice dispenser??

Could you imagine the awe and ooing he’d do going to Nanda Parbat? The Himalay? He’d be so out of it LMAO. Oh, that would make for such a cute interaction of Damian showing him around his culture and him knowing nothing, it’d also be so damn romantic.

Even then the aesthetic would be gorgeous, that’s why I love Damian Al ghul, imagine Damian Al Ghul taking his superman to his beautiful private chambers to indulge in romantics for a while? just so cute.

[aflamboyanceofflamingos]

Asking the Batkids “How do you want to die?”

Jason: I would like to mention that I’ve already died

Dick: Jay we get it, you’ve died. Please stop making jokes about it. Anyway, I would like to die protecting my family

Steph: The fact that you didn’t say of old age speaks to your mental health. I really don’t care how I die, just that Tim remembers to cover my corpse in glitter and then cremate me, so I’m both fabulous after death, and so Ra’s can’t do shit to my dead body

Jason: You really think Timberlina here’s gonna live longer then you? The kid has the survival instincts of a wet paper bag

Tim: Rude, but honestly I’m beginning to think I can’t die given all the shit I’m been through. Unfortunately.

Duke: Am I going to turn out that depressed too? And like Steph said, old age

Damian: I simply will not die.

Tim: Haven’t you already died as well?

Damian: Shut up Drake, I’ll last longer then you for certain. You should better your diet if you want to live anywhere near as long as me

Dick: Awww, Dami you care! Also Tim he’s right. You can’t survive on Kraft Mac and Cheese forever

Tim: Am I hearing some hypocrisy from Mr. I Eat Lucky Charms For Every Meal?

Cass, watching as they all bicker: I would like to die knowing that my family loves me and that they know I love them

[aethersea]

Trick or treat!

At some point when I was writing batfics I sat down to figure out all the kids’ ages at various points in the story. Obviously the idea of comics canon having a “consistent timeline” is a laughable one, but for the purposes of my fics, at least, I could set something up. It’s just a reference doc, so I won’t bore you with the details, but here are some fun little quirks of how the dates shook out:

Steph became Spoiler on the first or second of January. This is because I love the image of her standing in front of her bedroom mirror, wearing the complete costume for the first time, and murmuring to herself – part joke, part hyping herself up, part deadly serious – “New year, new me.”

Dick’s birthday is just a month after Jason’s. This means that for just one month, they could do that sibling thing of “ooooh I’m gonna catch up to you!” Unfortunately, Dick and Jason’s relationship took a couple years to get to the point where they could have that kind of goofiness. By the time of Jason’s fifteenth birthday, they were finally in a place where they’d be able to make that joke—but just a month shy of that, Jason died.

I’d like to think Bruce is 24 when he adopts Dick, specifically because Dick is about 24-25 when Bruce dies and Dick has to take care of Damian. And I think he must have looked at this small grief-stricken boy, who wants to murder all his problems and refuses to be treated like a child, and had this horribly painful realization that Bruce was his age when they first met. He is older now than Bruce was then. I think when that first hit him it nearly took him out right then and there, but it hit him halfway through an argument with Damian so he just swallowed down the hysterical sound trying to climb up his throat and put it away for later. And then I think that once Damian was put to bed that night he curled up in an armchair in the library and just. Sat with that.

Jason had his comeback tour in October. In subsequent years, certain parties never let him live this down. Steph, loudly, to Duke: “and remember, every Halloween the Red Hood distributes severed heads to the good little boys and girls of the Gotham Police Department" Jason: “you decapitate a bunch of people ONE TIME—”

[bubblesxo]

I love your fic!!! I fucking adore de-aged Bruce fics and Gotham!Bruce is such a fun way to go about it!! And oh, is there anything in particular you’re looking forward to writing with Bruce and everybody? Or anything you wanna share about the process? I’m super curious!!!

oh thank you so much!!! that means so much to me to hear <33 i'm really glad that you're enjoying the story! i agree, gotham!bruce is a really fun way to tackle the topic of bruce's youth.

i'm really excited to write more bonding between bruce and his kids, as well as some alfred and jim scenes coming up!! (of course, harvey will be making another appearance, don't worry! he's just basically in dix's position in gotham canon here---very knowledgeable, very seasoned, but a bit older at this point. he's happily retired with a wife, and is distinctly spending it away from gotham XD) this fic was made with family relationships in mind, so i'm excited for when bruce finally begins to trust them a bit and starts to care about them more. (as a sneak peak for the next chapter, i'll say now that damian makes an appearance very soon!)

speaking of alfred, i really need to lore drop about him more coming up.

anyway, one of my favorite things ever to include in the fic is bruce random lore-dropping. like, his family has NO IDEA about most of the stuff he casually says, it's just such good comedy fuel for me XD i need some comedy to offset the trauma that all of the characters have, after all!

i have some plot points coming up that i am so so so excited to write!!! more short-term, i have a character coming up that's been mentioned a few times in-fic already as a bit of foreshadowing. he's only in like one chapter atm but miiightt make an appearance later. *wink wink*

more middle-term, there's an arc coming up soon that is gonna be both angst and comedy gold. it includes a character who has been mentioned by name but not discussed haha. he's around for a while (meaning at least a few chapters as a very very prominent character and probably a few as more of a background character) and i know that people are probably gonna be super hype when i introduce him, especially from the time period i'm taking him from!!

finally, i have an important long-term plotline that's going to go on in the background for most of the fic. i was thinking about writing it in a bit more blatantly in about 4 chapters, but now looking at all of this written down, i think i'll shove that chapter into the next round and write something a bit more foreshadowy for now and less obvious. i don't wanna give the plot away too soon, after all! (if you try, you can probably guess the character i'm referring to here, though probably not his name...)

i'm thinking of doing a special babs chapter coming up to talk about her whole parentage thing in this ficverse, too! do you think that would be interesting to anyone? LOL

i also am going to start tying selina in more often in the future, which is going to be a ton of fun!! and looking back on all of this, i'm starting to worry about just *how long* this fic is going to be XD but hey, whatever! i'll go with my muse.

looking back on what i wrote, this seems to be suuuuper vague, and i'm sorry about that!! but mid-term and long-term ones are a bit of a surprise and a mystery, respectively, and i don't want to spoil the fun too much XD

thank you so much for the ask!! i love talking about things on here, especially my fic! feel free to send more asks if you ever feel like it<33 and of course thank you so much for reading and enjoying my fic !!<33

[pcr-alice]

I vaguely remember seeing a prompt that was vivisection but not Danny (please point me to it if you know what I'm talking about). Anyway, something dark came over me and I decided to torment little Superboy Jon.

Check it out on AO3.

cw: vivisection, medical torture

1666 words below cut

Jon could feel that something was wrong. He couldn’t quite place what that something was. His head was fuzzy. He couldn’t focus. He didn’t know where he was, couldn’t remember what happened. Kidnapped? Okay, don’t panic. Damian had taught him what to do in these situations. Stay calm, pay attention, don’t make a scene until it’s beneficial.

First, relax. Clear your head. A sharp mind is crucial. Next, focus on your senses. Don’t open your eyes! Let the kidnappers think you’re still unconscious. Instead...the air smelt strong. Metallic and sharp. Sharp as in sterile. A hospital? That’s bad, vulnerable people are in hospitals. A hostage situation here could really hurt someone.

Now, what could he hear? Some humming and whirring, probably hospital equipment, and...is that sobbing? That means at least one civilian is also here. He’ll have to protect them. Last thing to check (yes Damian, it should have been the first thing to check), was he tied up in any way?

His whole body was slightly numb. Drugged? Maybe. Definitely gagged. And something was tickling his chest. He seemed to be lying on his back on a cold, hard surface. His wrists were bound, but not together? One to each side? Wait, his ankles too? What kind of kidnapping –

Then the pain hit him.

His eyes burst open and he tried to scream, but it died against whatever was tied around his mouth. He lurched up, yanking on his restraints, but his entire chest howled in agony, and he fell back down as his head clouded over and darkness invaded his vision. He panted short, heavy breaths, each one igniting a new inferno in his lungs, barely managing to stay conscious.

After some number of breaths he didn’t have the stability of mind to count, the harsh edge of his pain dulled, and he was left with an agonizing ache and dull haze in his head. Eventually he realized he could still hear the sobbing, but this time there were words between them. One word, specifically. Sorry.

Jon tilted his head as much as he could toward the voice and sluggishly tried to focus his eyes, squinting at the light. There was another boy, about his age. His eyes were wide with panic and tears, long black hair messily cut away from his face. For some reason he seemed to be wearing scrubs. Right, hospital. The pain. Injured somehow. But why was this kid here? Jon tried to speak, but all that came out was a muffled moan.

“Ah!” The boy flinched. “Okay, okay. I can take it off, but you have to promise to keep quiet. I’m not supposed to be here.”

Jon blinked at him dully and tried to nod as best he could. Thankfully the kid understood and reached around his head to unhook the gag. He pulled it away and dropped it to the floor with a clatter.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were awake, I forgot about the morphine ‘cuz it doesn’t work on me,” the kid stammered out.

“Wha –” was all Jon could get out.

The kid scampered around him and began undoing his other restraints, sniffling the whole time. Jon blearily looked around the room. It was the strangest hospital he’d ever seen. There was equipment that looked like it belonged in a junkyard and glowing green liquids and Kryptonite can’t be liquid right?

The last of the restraints was undone, and Jon began to sit up, but the kid stopped him.

“Careful, go slowly, it’s going to hurt a lot I’m sorry, I’ll help you, okay?”

Jon squeezed his eyes shut and had to focus to decode the kid’s words through his constant sobbing.

“I...what?”

“You...you’re really hurt. I patched you up, but you’re gonna need time to heal. I’m...I’m really sorry.” He nearly lost himself to the sobs with the apology.

“Wha – why,” Jon was so confused, “what happened?”

“I’m sorry,” he choked out, “they didn’t get what they wanted from me, so they – they thought –”

The kid snapped his head to look somewhere else and his eyes went wide again.

“No no no it’s too soon I can’t –”

He looked back down at Jon, breathing hard, clearly panicking.

“Okay okay it’s okay…”

He took a deep breath and visibly steadied.

“I’ll be right back I promise.”

And he was gone. Jon groaned, half in complaint, half in panic. He heard a crash from where he thought the kid ran off to, then a few seconds later some clattering from his other side. He struggled to sit up again, but the pain stopped him. After a few hazy blinks, the boy was back.

“Okay I’m gonna help you up it’s gonna hurt I’m sorry but we gotta go.”

Jon closed his eyes. The black was encroaching on his vision again, and he couldn’t decipher whatever the kid just said. He gave a small nod anyway. Then he felt hands on him, rolling him to his side. He was pretty sure his chest was screaming at him again, but his mind was too foggy to recognize pain. And suddenly he was sitting, solid blue eyes staring at him, anchoring him to the moment.

“Ready?”

Oh, he missed something. Ready for what? He couldn’t figure it out. His eyes drooped and head tilted forward. Then there was a pinch on his thigh.

And he was wide awake.

He sucked in a quick, full breath, and his chest went tight. His eyes shot open and looked around everywhere in sudden awareness. This couldn’t be a hospital room. He didn’t recognize any medical equipment, and those definitely looked like guns of some sort. The floor was angled down toward a single large drain, and his “bed” was a metal table, smudged with red – blood – and who knows what else. He could barely make out the corner of a single steel door hidden behind a huge cabinet, tilted over and resting on a workbench, contents spilled out on the floor.

The kid was holding his shoulder with one hand, the other wrapped around a small green cylinder and pressed into his leg. His own hands were squeezing the boy’s arms with a force that should have shattered his bones. He gently released his grip. The kid’s scrubs were old and tattered, clearly several sizes too big, and stained dark in so many places that the original green barely peeked through. The top fell around him like a dress, and he was barefoot and probably bottomless. The oversized collar fell wide enough around his neck to reveal scars from his sternum to his shoulders, still raw and poorly stitched together.

“...boy! Superboy!”

What? The kid was talking. Yelling. At him? But why? Oh. Oh no. Red sleeves. Jon was in costume. He looked back into the boys eyes, the deep blue cooling his panic just enough to be coherent.

“Where am I?”

“You were captured. I’m sorry. We’re underground in an abandoned town. But I’m gonna get you out.”

The kid was much more coherent now, but Jon could tell he was barely holding it together.

“You’re badly injured and need medical attention. I gave you a shot of epinephrine to get you up. We have to hurry, it won’t last long.”

“Injured how?”

The kid dropped the injector he had been holding to Jon’s knee and pulled him away to the back of the room, opposite the door. Jon was too stunned to resist, too shocked to question how the injection pierced his skin.

“They tried to do...an operation on you. One you didn’t need.”

“What does that mean!?”

Jon made the mistake of looking down at his torso, where he saw his costume unzipped and a thick, red line of blood and flesh trailing down to his waistband. He stumbled and fought back a gag. Something told him that would be a bad idea right now.

“Hey, hey!” The kid grabbed his shoulders and forced him to make eye contact, “It’s okay. Don’t look. You’re gonna be okay.”

He zipped up Jon’s costume while reassuring him and pulled him over to a large cabinet like the one obstructing the door behind them. He then shifted his weight against the side of it and slid it over with a hideous screech. There was a sheet of metal, maybe three feet across, leaning against the painted cinder block wall. He tipped the sheet to the ground to reveal a messily-carved hole in the wall, then grabbed Jon and pulled him down.

A loud thunk sounded from the door behind them.

“Crawl through here. Stay on your side. You’ll come out in an old sewer tunnel. Keep to the right hand wall and follow it all the way to the end. There will be a manhole cover above you. I haven’t assembled the ladder yet, so you’ll have to fly. Here.”

He shoved another injector into Jon’s hand.

“Use this when you get there. Fly up and through the manhole. You can do it.”

“What – Why – How?”

“Once you’re on the surface, call for Superman. You’ve been here for a few hours, so they have to be looking for you by now. Got it?”

“I – What – You’re staying here!?”

Another thunk sounded from the door.

“You’ll be fine on your own. I believe in you. Go!”

He pushed Jon toward the hole.

“Wait! What – I don’t understand.”

Thunk.

He shoved Jon harder into the hole.

“Hurry!”

Jon felt himself instinctively crawl further into the hole in response to the kid’s increasing panic.

“Are you in danger!?”

Thunk.

“Now!!”

The kid gave one final push, and Jon slid fully into the hole, scratching his leg on the jagged concrete floor and barely catching himself on his elbow.

“Wait! Who are you? What’s wrong?”

The kid gave Jon one final look before tipping the metal hole cover back up.

“I’m Danny.”

The light disappeared with a slam. The screech of the cabinet sliding back into place followed.

[jonathan-samuel-smith]

@jaybirbie sent me a request in the replies to write Jon getting mind controlled and Damian breaking him out of it, but I was having trouble not only avoiding writing what other people have written but what I myself have written!

In my fic Dos Oruguitas Jon returns to the present after realizing that saturn girl is mind controlling him to stay with her. It's the start of my little au where freshly aged up Jon and regular Damian spend a lot of time together and are dating. i love this au. I thought about having Irma come back to mind control them again but I didn't want to turn her into a cartoon villain. I just think she's a kid and she doesn't realize how awful she is being, but if he expressly states to her that he hates her mind control and she keeps doing it anyway I feel like that becomes character bashing and i don't want to do the "evil straight woman tries to break up gay couple by seducing bisexual man" trope.

a remedy for all things by WizardEffect has Jon mind controlled by manchester black and Damian snaps him out of it.

Here's my notes anyway, I couldn't really lengthen them out to anything more substantial.

-damian gets captured while jon is being held in a different place with red kryptonite chains, but jon is able to laser off the wall its attached to and drag it with him as he looks for revenge. Damian breaks out and finds jon fighting the batfamily who are trying to stop him from beserker rage killing the people who captured them. Damian flips, jumps, somersaults midair and says “Jon, catch me.” jon goes “Dami!! I missed you so much, i was so worried!” and he holds him bridal style and starts kissing his face and nuzzling him and holding him tight. “Let me cut these off for you, habibi.” Damian says, so Jon sets him on the ground and damian pulls out a dremel and cuts through the kryptonite. “Fly us out–” jon picks him up and soars into the sky “Of here. Heh, wanted me alone that much?” jon kisses him on the mouth. He pulls back “I’m so embarrassed. I just outed our relationship in front of your whole family. And also almost killed some people.” Damian caresses his face. “But you didn’t. And they were going to find out sooner or later.” jon buries his face at the juncture of Damian’s neck and shoulder “But not like this” he whines, “My dad is gonna be so pissed I didn’t tell him.”

I couldn't actually find any other mind control fics without smut so that does show a need for more fics but I just don't feel like i can make this long enough to be worth posting on ao3. I was gonna draw a comic of it but i hate drawing comics actually, they take so much time. and it would have been 3 pages and still not as clear as my text.

[rougerave]

Myth

(Ages are not conical, so just go with it, but that’s also the power of fanfiction.)

---

Myth – a traditional story, especially one concerning the early history of a people or explaining a natural or social phenomenon, and typically involving supernatural beings or events – that’s what he is, and he liked it.

No, he loved it. For someone who lived his whole life in the spotlight, it makes sense as to why he actively tries to hide. He hides from the press, he hides from friends and family, and especially from the hero community.

See, here’s the thing; he doesn’t necessarily exist. To the hero community that is. He did his time as Robin and then travelled as a nameless hero. Came back to Gotham with a new name but strictly stayed in the shadows. People sort of knew of his existence, but since he didn’t show his face, people just assumed he was a spook.

Bruce also liked to keep a lot of secrets from the JL, so it made it easier to stay hidden, but that didn’t necessarily mean that they didn’t know about him. He has done missions for the JL, but it was those intel missions that needed to be extra secret. He never once showed his face to the Justice League, and he liked it like that.

So you can imagine his irritation when Bruce called him. No, not Bruce, Batman.

“It’s only Monday B and I’m not in the mood, so whatever it is, no.” He didn’t even give Bruce a chance to speak.

“I wouldn’t have called if I didn’t think it was important. Dick has a cold and a bullet wound that he tried to hide, you know how it is. The girls and Duke are in deep cover, Jason is off world, Damian would kill them on sight just for them looking at him, plus his working with the Titans, and I obviously can’t go. I have other missions.”

“What’s the mission?” He asked just as he felt a small tug on his pants. When he looked down, he saw that it was his little two year old daughter. Tim smiled, before he picked her up, and sat her on his lap. She rested her head on his chest then she fell asleep.

Bruce took off his crawl so he could rub his face. “Intel mission.”

“Don’t you have a special team for this type of stuff? Oh wait you do. The YJ!” Tim whisper yelled so that he didn’t wake Nalaya up, because God help them all if she wakes up when she’s sick.

“You know as well as I do why we can’t just put them on this mission without Dick. As much as I want to trust them, I can’t, not yet anyways. I gave them a chance, they messed it up. They still need to prove themselves to me before I can let them go without Wing.”

“So essentially, I’m babysitting a group of young adults that are as reckless as toddlers on a sugar rush. How urgent is the mission?”

“Toddlers on a sugar rush? Wait - Tim did you get Nalaya on a sugar rush?” The amusement in Bruces’ voice was clear as day. Tim went pink.

“Answer the question B. How urgent is the mission?” Tim asked as he cleared his throat.

“Three days.”

“No.”

“Tim please. You’re my best bet at the moment.”

“If you want me to go so badly, push it for a week and a half. Mari is in New York for fashion week and can’t afford to look after a sick toddler. Both would need her full attention, hence why I am working from home. Mari is only gonna be home next Wednesday because she wants to visit her parents. Next week Wednesday. Deal?”

“Fine, thank you. I’ll see you at 2200h Wednesday at the Young Justice headquarters.” Then with no further ceremony, the Bat signed off.

Tim rolled his eyes. “Your grandfather is a pain in my butt.” Then he stood up carefully as to not wake up his kid. “Let’s get you to bed princess.”

---

They have all heard of myths and legends. Different kinds, from different communities, friends and family and especially in their line of work. Some were just for scares and for fun, most where true when it came to working with magic, and some where made up to throw people of their game.

Red Robin was one of those myths that the Bat-clan say to throw them off their game, or so they thought.

Imagine walking into their base of operations and seeing said myth talking casually with the big bad Bat, holding a coffee cup as if they were old friends, which couldn’t be right seeing as Red Robin looked younger then the Bat. A year or two younger than them actually. What the fuck.

When the two bats noticed the team they strained up and went blank faced. “Team meet the myth himself Red Robin. He will be helping you with this intel mission only. Double R the Young Justice team. You are to retrieve intel only. An over view of the mission has been sent to you. You leave in fifteen minutes.” He then turned away to the zeta tube, but before he left he turned his head to Red Robin. “Do not, and I mean do not pull that stunt you did with the LOA bases.”

“Such little faith. I won’t B. I promise.”

Batman raised his eyebrow. “LB would kill me if I did, so I won’t.” Batman nodded his head, then turned around and walked to the tubes.

There was a tense silence before RR broke it. “I’ll meet you in the hanger. I have to go and cuss out Nightwing.” He said as he turned to walk to the direction of the hanger.”

“Why would you want to cuss out Nightwing?” Wally asked.

“Because my brother is an idiot, and he is very lucky I moved out or I would have done more than cuss him out.” He said not stopping and not turning around.

“Is it me or did today go from tense to super weird in a total of five minutes?”

“It’s not only you Wally. Never mind that. We have a mission to complete. Let’s go team.”

---

“What happened with the LOA bases?” Conner asked to fill the silence.

Red Robin stopped typing to look Conner straight in the eye. A chill went the young supers spin when double R smirked.

“There is a reason Ra’s al Ghul is afraid of me. I blew up most of his bases because he had something of mine. I blew six more out of pure spit.”

The team stayed quite for the rest of the trip.

---

Six hours, one failed mission and a portal to somewhere, the team stood in the middle of a field, being glared down by Red Robin.

“What in the ever loving fuck was that?!”

They were silent, and that only made him more angry and frustrated.

It was a simple mission. Get a hard-drive that had blueprints to a machine that Luthor was building for the Light and get out, undetected and unharmed. The shitshow that happened is what he was trying to comprehend. How are they this bad or where they just being cocky and wanting to show off. This mission could be long over if they had followed his plan.

“I ask again. What the fuck happened?” His tone went from deadly shouting to deadly calm in two seconds flat, it made shivers run up his spin.

“What is your deal? We only messed up a little, but we got the information. Mission complete. No need to be all bitchy.” Conner said, getting tired of this dudes attitude.

Tim let out a dark chuckle. He did not just say that to his face when he was the main cause of this failed mission.

“My deal. Here’s my deal. You, along with your team had one simple task to do. Scout ahead and report to me. I would be the one to infiltrate the base and get the information. My problem started when you disobeyed a direct order to not engaging. At. All. But no, that was such a hard job. By you not staying put, you got your team injured. Then you went off by switching off your coms, ignoring everyone, which by the way got us portaled to Ice land. Your biggest flop so far was getting the incorrect data. So please, Superboy, tell me I’m wrong.”

It was silent. “That’s what I thought. Now, you will listen carefully. You are to dismantle every tracking, communication, and electronic device on you.”

“Why?” Wrong question from Artemis.

“Why? Why is because your egotistical teammate messed up the mission against his evil surrogate father, and I for one don’t want to be hunted by that madman. So my suggestion is do it yourself, before I turn every electronic device on you into a taser.”

That’s what he thought. Once changed in some casual clothing, he led the way a modest looking house. Tim pulled out a key and opened the door very slowly. Once fully open, a knife is thrown in his direction. He catches it without blinking, but that just means his more sceptical to go inside. The team just stares at his in shock. What the hell.

“I did say I was sorry.” He shouted into the house. A dino sippy cup was thrown at him. He ducks, the person behind him does not. Artemis now has a very pretty bruise on her forehead. (Wally has a picture.)

Tim motions them inside. He led them into a different room and there they are met with a soul wittering glare that put Batman’s glare to shame. They have never felt more scared in their lives than in that moment. Tim didn’t look fazed. He just lifted his brow. “I did say I was sorry.”

“One day I hope you’ll spontaneously combust.” The women said.

“And I wait for the day your glare leaves our kid without a father. Meet the team. The real source of your anger.” He said in a deadpanned voice.

The women huffed. “No, no. You’re the source of my anger. Bruce snitched. Anyways, nice to meet you all.” After getting well acquainted with this lioness of a women called Marinette and the owner of the throw dino sippy cup, Nalaya, Marinette lead them an underground hid out, while Tim went to put his little girl to bed. He joins them a few minutes later.

“So,” Marinette said from in front of the huge monitor where she was setting up a call. “who wants to tell the big bad bat what happened.” The team goes brick still, faces pale. “I mean it’s only fair you do the report.” Tim chokes on a laugh from where he sits typing in coordinates in front of another screen. Wally faints in that moment. “That’s what I thought.” Over confindent idiots, with their big egos. “Though I shouldn’t be surprised that they’re afraid of the furry.” Tim snorts.

“God forbid he hears you say that. What then?”

“I take your challenge.” The team still frozen to their spots watch in silence. Wally still out cold. The call is accepted in that moment. “Hello you giant furry.” She says it in a flat voice that had a bit of mirth and a bit of offence. Batman makes a strangled sound and Tim dies of laughter. Bruce gathers himself before he answers.

“Ladybird.” Bruce said stiffly.

“No need to be so formal B. I saw your latest gala suit by the way. It was very… I think it is best not to say.” The smirk on her lips and the snickering form Tim was turning him redder by the second. “Send my regards to Alfie.” She said as she got up, kissed Tim’s cheek and waved the team goodbye. Just like that she was gone.

Tim sat in her vacant set. Bruce turned his full attention the still frozen team. “What happened?” Tone low and icy.

“It’s in the report I sent you B. I’ll finish up the mission by 1am. The usual drill. I’m sending the team to the watchtower, they can fill you in on parts I was not present for. See you later.” And before Batman could answer, he dropped the call.

“Did you just drop the call on Batman?” Artemis asked as she finally came out of her daze.

“No I dropped the call on my father. Big difference. The zeta is ready by the way.” Tim said as he pointed to the zeta tube.

As the team walked out and Wally finally waking up, Tim called, “FYI if you tell anyone about what you saw today that wasn’t part of the mission, I will make good on my promise.” He finished with a smirk that promised pain and misfortune. The team nodded quickly and rushed into the tube.

Man was it fun to be a myth.

[ijustthinkhesneat]

I’m gonna share my DC character headcanons because I want to and no one can stop me! (I wish I had cool art skills to ad visuals to this but I am artistically challenged 😔)

Bruce Wayne:

Birthday: October 10th, 1991 (Spooky szn, also I decided he’s not old)

Sexuality: Bisexual he’s in love with Clark 😊

Favorite Animal: Bats because I’m basic

Has Autism

Height: 6’0

Favorite Food: Lasagna, it is inexplicably the only thing he can cook.

Gender Identity: Demiboy, He/They Pronouns

Now the juicy backstory…

-In my demented brain Bruce didn’t actually have a happy childhood before his parents death and that Thomas was kind of a traditional toxic masculinity man. I think Martha tried her best but couldn’t fully protect Bruce. Alfred was a friend of Martha that moved in after their deaths to take care of Bruce and instilled a lot more positive values in him.

-Is canon, absolutely not, but it’s my brain I can do what I want. I feel like this also helps explain Bruce’s struggles with being a emotionally vulnerable with his kids and the why he makes shitty choices sometimes.

-I also believe he wants to be better and genuinely tries really hard to be a good dad. Very much that trope of ‘I want you to have a better life than I did’.

-Post Alfred moving in with Bruce his development into Batman plays out pretty much the same, but he he does start to realize he is not the straight.

-After adopting Dick he finds out that his son is definitely not straight (caught holding Wally wests hand in a not god honoring way) and has a lot of internal turmoil, he wants to support his son, but has to wrestle with his own internalized homophobia. (Thanks Tom). Lots of angst it’ll be great.

-This contributes to Dick leaving and Bruce finally confronts his issues, enter Jason.

-Jason dies and Bruce goes all the way off the deep end, almost kills the joker. I actually like the idea that Dick stops him and then returns secretly to finish the Joker off, cause he thinks Bruce wouldn’t be able to recover.

-Tim gets adopted a little earlier because jack and Janet throw him out for being trans. Trans baby Tim is the best. This helps Bruce come to terms with his own identity again.

-Steph becomes robin because slay queen mama waffle boots the house spoiler

-Jason returns and has his under the red hood arc minus Bruce basically slitting his throat with a batarang cause I hate that and it makes no sense.

-Cass is adopted and becomes the silent chaos queen we deserve. I like many people headcanon her as being selectively mute, Bruce learns sign language faster than anyone else.

-Damian shows up around the age of 5 because again time is like dick Grayson, bendable as all hell. Bruce loves his babies but extra babies Damian because he loves him and sees a lot of himself in Damian and doesn’t want him to be like him.

-Bruce reachs out to Jason because he missed his son to much and he comes back and omg it’s just the best thing to ever happen pls DC let these boys be SOFT.

-Bruce adopts Duke because another vigilante child isn’t gonna make a difference now but little does he know that his fifth son is perhaps the most chaos gremlin of all. He is flashlight and he will step on the Jokers throat for fun, because not only did the joker jokerize his bio parents but he fucked with his brothers and his dad to much so he’s gonna toaster that man’s tub.

That’s my Bruce headcanon and time line the others won’t be this long but this is for me so I don’t care what anyone thinks teehee.

[edjectedly]

I posted 17,248 times in 2022

That's 16,923 more posts than 2021!

651 posts created (4%)

16,597 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

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I tagged 939 of my posts in 2022

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#bruce wayne - 44 posts

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Longest Tag: 90 characters

#he has a tumblr account and ppl are like 50/50 on he's a kinnie or he's actually like that

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Introducing Talia al Ghul, and Bruce’s Love Life

I’m still nailing down ages, but I have determined everyones ages are much closer, and Damian is gonna be younger.

@goosesister thanks for inspiring this!!!

@blinkys I hope this answers your question 😂

First    <&lt;Prev    Next>>

Alfred: I'm sorry sir, who did you spend the night with?

Bruce: …. TaliaAlGhul

Alfred: and why, pray tell, did you?

Bruce: she seemed nice

Alfred: mhm mhm, and this has nothing to do with you wanting to anger Ra’s al Ghul for insulting your parenting skills?

Bruce: like he’s one to talk… that’s just a bonus

Alfred: well, you are ever the picture of perfect judgement. I am positive this will never come back to bite you.

Bruce: :( be nice to me please

~~~~~~~~~

Talia, 8 years later: hello my beloved, how is that creature you adopted? 

Bruce:  which one?

Talia: … What

Bruce:  Dick says I have a problem with orphans

Talia:

Talia:

Talia: well, this one isn’t an orphan *gestures to an eight year old Damian*

Bruce:

Bruce: … Dick’s going to be so disappointed in me :(

~Bonus~

Dick, 9 years old: is she gonna be my stepmom?

Bruce: no- what- why- she’sjustafriendDick

Dick: that’s not what Alfred says~

Bruce: look, she’s leaving, we won’t work out. it’s fine

Dick: so I’m not getting a baby brother? also why is your face so red?

Bruce: you’renotgettingababybrothergotoyourroom

1,848 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

#4

Now, what exactly happened when Dick first came to live with Bruce in this AU?

Disclaimer: Canon is stupid and I don't respect it

First <&lt;Prev Next>>

Dick: did you take me in cause you’re lonely?

Bruce: ….no

Dick: it’s not polite to lie

~~~~~~~

Bruce: I don’t think I can let a child fight crime

Dick: *looks like he’s going to cry*

Bruce: okaynodon’tdothatyoucanfightalittlecrime

Dick: you’re the best! *leaves to make a costume*

Bruce: …. Alfred he said I’m the best

~~~~~~~

Bruce: don’t play with that, I’m taking it away from you

Dick: I’ll tell Alfred on you *clutches onto Bruce’s cape*

Bruce: … what

Dick: I’ll do it

Bruce:

Dick:

Bruce:

Dick: ALFR-

Bruce: *puts his hand over Dick’s mouth* fine fine fine

~~~~~~~

Dick: Bruce I had a nightmare

Bruce: that’s… not good

Dick: *frowns*

Bruce: do you want to go…. ride in the Batmobile?

Dick: yes!

~Bonus~

Dick: Bruce Bruce Bruce Bruce where’s Alfred

See the full post

2,238 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

#3

New Dynamics, Go!

Disclaimer: This is an AU, I don’t respect canon and I am not going to pretend to :)

First <<; Prev Next >>

I have decided that this is actually Battinson and that if he had raised Dick, Dick would definitely have more of a sibling relationship with him.

Jason:

Tim:

Jason:

Tim:

Batman: so…. you’re brothers now…. ifyouneedanythingaskDick

Batman: *sprints out of the room*

Tim: isn’t Dick back in Blüdhaven?

Jason: yup

Tim: does he do this often?

Jason: yup

Tim: so…. wanna see how I hacked into the Batcomputer?

Jason: of course

~Bonus~

Dick: Bruce. you. can’t. just. leave. them. alone. they’re little!

Batman: but I left you by yourself

Dick: I regularly fell off chandeliers! I shouldn’t have been left alone!

Batman: I thought you were happy….

Dick: oh my- I was happy, but kids need supervision. it’s impor-

Jason at the same time as Tim: Tim sat the Batcave on fire!

Tim at the same time as Jason: Jason sat the Batcave on fire!

Dick: it’s made out of rocks?????

Batman: my kids are so talented

4,980 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

#2

If Jason Todd Was Introduced This Way, This is How I am Bringing in Tim

This is now a full AU, whoops

First <<; Prev Next >>

Tim: *bangs on Dick's door in Blüdhaven*

Dick: I swear to fuck if it's another solicitor I'm- *opens door*

Tim: 

Dick:

Tim: hello

Dick: wha- it’s like 10 o’clock where are your parents? you're like eight, why are you out here??

Tim: first off I’m 12 and I'm not a child. can I come in?

Dick: sure, this might as well happen

~later~

Dick: so you're here because you figured out our identities when you were nine, have been following us since before then, and then hacked the Batcomputer only to find Jason looking up ways to get to Ethiopia?

Tim: yeah, pretty much.

Dick:

Dick: fu-frick

Tim: I have been running around Gotham alone at night since I was eight, you can say fuck

Dick: *gasps*

~Bonus, at the Batcave~

*Bruce and Jason are working on the Batmobile, Bruce’s way of apologizing for being an ass*

Bruce: *head snaps up*

Jason: everything good old man?

Bruce: I need to get adoption papers ready

AO3 Link Is Now Active!

5,566 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

How Jason Todd Should Have Been Introduced to the BatFam

First Next>>

Batman, frantically putting in numbers and calling someone.

Batman: pickuppickuppickup

Dick Grayson, who just got got in bed after a long patrol, groaning.

Dick: Hello? Bruce, what's going on?

Bruce: Dick I need you to come home right now

Dick: what's going on, is everything okay?

Bruce: yes, I just need you to come home

Dick: .... B I can't just come home I have work at the gym tomorrow and-

Jason, in the background: Holy fuck is that a dinosaur?!

Dick: was that a fucking child???

Bruce: ...

Dick: ...

Bruce: ...

Dick: ....

Bruce: yes

Dick, rushing out of bed, knowing good and well Alfred is on vacation and there is no way B can be alone with a new child: what happened?

Bruce: hestolethetiresofftheBatmobile

Dick: ... That doesn't mean you can kidnap him!!

Bruce: I couldn't leave him. He was hungry. We got burgers.

Dick: oh my god, okay, I'm on my way, have you called Alfred?

Bruce: ...no

Dick, rushing down the stairs to his car: Bruce I swear to God you have to tell Alfred

Bruce: what if he's mad at me

Dick: holy child abduction Batman, you have to tell Alfred before he gets back. I'm not dealing with that.

Bruce: ...okay

Dick: okay, I'll be there in an hour, don't let the kid die before I get there. How's he doing?

Bruce: .... I don't see him anymore

Dick: you don't- Bruce!

See the full post

11,137 notes - Posted June 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[chocor0se]

Hal Jordan/Green Lantern: Is this kid’s parents really letting you take him out crime fighting?

Dick Grayson/Robin, age 11: My parents are dead.

Hal:

Dick, pushing it even further: They died right in front of me, actually.

Hal:

(years later)

Hal: You got a new kid?

Jason: Who the you calling a kid, old man?

Bruce: Robin, behave.

Hal: Yeesh, I miss the creepy nice one. You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Jason: My mom’s dead.

Hal:

Hal: Seriously Batman?! Again?!

(more years later)

Hal: Oh god please tell me you’re not an orphan.

Tim: I’m not a orphan.

Hal: Fucking finally! At least you have two parents that love you and stay with you.

Tim:

Hal: Y-you do, right?

Tim: ..they love me in their own way. They do!

Hal: Fuck.

(i think like one or two years later?)

Hal: Do you have two loving parents kid?

Steph: I mean my dad’s a criminal and my mom tries but is also a drug addict soo-

Hal: WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THESE KIDS?!

Steph: I was gonna make fun of you but you seem generally distressed dude. Would it help if I tell you that my mom’s going to rehab and is getting better?

Hal: ..yes.

(not that much later)

*Orphan appearing suddenly*

Hal: WHAT THE-ANOTHER ONE?!?!

Cass: Yes. I am Orphan.

Hal:

(more years later)

Damian: Greetings peasant.

Hal: Oh for fucks sake, another orphan Batman?!

Damian: Oh please, I am nothing like my so called predecessors. My blood parents are alive and well.

Hal: And they love you?

Damian: Of course they do, why wouldn’t they? I am the perfect son. It is set that one day I am to inherit the mantle of Batman from my father.

Hal: Thank goodness!

Hal: Wait, what?!

i love the trope where someone mentions a character’s parent(s) and said character is like, “actually i’m an orphan” and the person is just, deeply regretting what they said.