#I strongly recommend that you do not lol

[honehonn3honey]

Board games with uncle Sukuna :)

They are taking this thing seriously, already take the cards out of the game

[mrs-weasley-reid]

JULY REC FICS

Hello, my sweets!! I wanted to try something out to provide my full and utter support to all the amazing writers I've come across in the form of monthly rec fics (starting this month). Join me in giving them love through comments and reblogs. It really is a joy to hear how you're doing as a writer. It makes up for all the angst we write lol

I will be going based on what I've read recently and not by the date the fic was posted. And the number of fics will depend on how much I've read the entire month. Also, please respect these writers. Some contents are 18+, so MINORS should not be interacting in any way, especially when the authors themselves specify it.

— ✿ — ✿ ✿ — ✿ ✿ ✿

Spencer Reid

✿ a question unasked by @easy-there-leftovers ↳ SOOOO ADORABLE. I'm a workaholic craze gal, so it speaks to me on a silly level.

✿ missing the happy hormone by @lavenderspence ↳ I'm a sucker for Spencer fluff this month, what can I say? This fic Tina made had my waterworks going on for about a minute because it's so sweet

✿ desk duty by @reiderwriter ↳ All you have to know is the amount of evil laugh I made while reading this

✿ the theory of love by @ophelia-is-complex ↳ Genuine intimacy is quite a challenge to write, but THIS ONE, this one had me in a sappy mood

✿ like nothing matters by @cerisereids ↳ gagged and had to pause the reading so many times because HELLO— had me spiraling at work

✿ the devils disguise by @qlossytbh ↳ I said I sobbed a little bit, but I actually cried so much I ended up taking a nap and felt better afterward. It's all fluff, though, don't get me wrong. I'm just very dramatic when the red devil's on the clock

✿ not so funny by @reidmania ↳ Angsty, that made me wanna start a fight with some random twiggy tall guy. Sooooo good!

✿ cloaked in passions touch by @raekensluver ↳ If you don't like Spencer's hands, you're fucking lying to yourself!!!!!

✿ language of devotion by @gghostwriter ↳ I'm in love with reid, and this fic just had me stumbling back onto his lap like a good gal

✿ this req response by @mandarinmoons ↳ Sorry, I'm not sure what the title is, but it's so adorable and got me to go to work, so kind of a lifesaver tbh

✿ hallucinate by @gghostwriter ↳ Oooo, this one was so cute, hehe. Honestly, I lean towards Spencer fluff lately just because I've been too overstimulated with work this past month, so READ THIS ONE ITS CUTE

✿ it's golden, like daylight by @dudeitiskarev ↳ I actually felt like I was reader the entire time I read this. It's well-written and so adorable and something that should be framed in a museum

✿ much ado about nothing series by @incognit0slut ↳ binged it all morning, and I was whipped !!! It's ongoing, so if I have to wait, so does everybody else

— ✦ — ✦ ✦ — ✦ ✦ ✦

Aaron Hotchner

✦ choiceless hope series by @hotchfiles ↳ This series had me rolling over my bed on a Saturday. A lot of feelings getting played (mostly mine)

✦ beanstalk by @solardrop ↳ I kid you not; I was giggling like a weirdo when I read it. And that itself deserves the recommendation.

✦ too busy being yours by @hotchfiles ↳ Lari knows how to get a sick gal to giggle. I love bau!rossi!reader. I love Rossi as reader's dad, so I enjoyed it more than I thought I would

✦ ignorance by infatuation by @boneblushed ↳ Oh, this one was a nice snack while on my break at work. LOVED IT SO MUCH

✦ hungover by @basketonthedoorstepofthefbi ↳ Mmmm, such a good read! Plus Jemily is there sooooo

✦ from across the bar by @hotchscoffeecup ↳ Evil laugh ensues. A nice cuppa of some good ole kinky stuff

✦ doomed by @hotchfiles ↳ guys, I stopped my car in the middle of driving home just to read it, so it's THAT good. Honestly, I strongly encourage everyone to read all of Lari's works! She's my writer crush, if none of you realized it by now

✦ a bunch of cuties in love by @lavenderspence ↳ hehehehehehe this definitely did not remind me of that one older guy I used to flirt with who had an adorable younger brother that I babysat🤭

✦ schrodinger's cat by @none-of-your-bullshit ↳ angst on a Saturday morning is like taking a shot of soju before 11 am, and this one felt like it <3

how about you also comment your top 3 fave fics for this month to spread more love to our great writers?

[honeytonedhottie]

how to be a whole new student this school year (A MASTERPOST)⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎀📔

HOW TO BE BETTER THIS SCHOOL YEAR ;

TAKE ADVANTAGE. take advantage of extra credit opportunities, make sure to advocate for urself and take advantage in any way that u can. by simply doing ur homework you'll have a much better grade in the overall class which gives u wiggle room to make a mistake. but if ur slacking off on ur homework, ignoring extra credit opportunities AND doing bad on tests then ur basically setting urself up for failure. and by doing the opposite then ur setting urself up for success.

something i've noticed (and im guilty of this too sometimes) is that i spend so much time making my notes aesthetically pleasing that i forget to actually go over them which defeats the whole purpose of notes. theres nothing wrong with having fun and creative adorable notes that spark joy and happiness but PLEASE actually use them, trust me you'll love them more…💬🎀

furthermore understand that getting good grades isn't as daunting and difficult as u may have imagined. just remember to always do ur homework, take advantage of extra credit, projects are an easy test grade, and get things done as fast as u possibly can.

FIND WAYS TO STAY MOTIVATED ;

the best way to stay motivated is through ROMANTICIZATION. when u learn to enjoy going to school, your going to be motivated to do well in school. because school is so IMPORTANT not only for ur education but also ur future. so take school seriously. and if u wanna become an academic weapon for the long term the best thing u can do is learn to make the best of, and enjoy it. some ways to romanticize school include ->

♡ create a school playlist that embodies the school vibes that u wanna have : i have lots of new jeans in my school playlist : i rly like the songs cookie, ditto and hurt for when im at school

♡ creating a study blog or study group to hold urself accountable in a fun and healthy way

♡ ur appearance : if u go to a school where u dont have to wear uniforms, i strongly recommend getting dressed and getting ready meticulously bcuz when u look good, u feel good, and therefore u perform well. if u do wear uniform, wear accessories or hairstyles that make u feel and look pretty. i wear leg warmers with my school uniform and my signature is hair clips and barrettes.

♡ read at school : i always walk around with a book bcuz i like to read a lot but if reading isnt ur thing, listen to a podcast about something that interests u (i rly like true crime)

♡ take pride in ur notes : invest in cute stationary! i swear, sometimes i dont feel like studying but since my stationary is super cute and pink i get motivated to study just by looking at it lol. invest in quality stationary that u love and make ur notes look pleasing to you, and also effective. effective + aesthetically pleasing.

♡ doing homework/studying in the library : or at least changing the scenery and location that u do ur homework from time to time. do yk how boring it is to do work in the same place every single day? give urself a break from the places u see all the time and spend time studying or doing homework outside of ur home. in a cafe or in the library, inside or outside, just change the scenery a bit

♡ start a video diary : i started a little video diary with my friends so that we can remember our school memories. i just think its rly cute and a great way to bond with ur friends, make memories, and romanticize school.

try and formulate a PASSION for learning as a way to cultivate the school romanticization attitude. be passionate to learn and be an academic weapon…💬🎀

CHANGE UP ROUTINES ;

in my next point i talk about the importance of routines but its also important to change little things about ur routine. dont go and change the whole structure of ur school routine but make sure to add little changes to spice things up and not keep urself like a hamster on a wheel. i find when i do this i just feel a lot better and its easier to romanticize.

MAKE A REGIMEN ;

make a pretty basic routine to stick to, to make sure that u balance school and personal life. having a routine can make falling into line and following through with tasks a lot easier. its easier to do things personally when u MICROMANAGE urself. at least from my own personal experience.

ABOUT STUDYING ;

every single day study (at least for a little bit) ofc this will vary depending on ur personal schedule but the goal is to do a little bit of studying everyday, and if that isnt possible, designating 3 days a week to a thorough studying session.

the way that i divide my time with a study session is 40 minutes of work time and 20 minutes of downtime. during the 40 minutes of work time u need to LOCK IN. lock in on whatever assignment needs to be complete or lock in on whatever material it is that ur studying. ofc this'll differ between all subjects but dont study all subjects in one night!! thats ambitious, but i find it'll just burn u out so stick to studying for 2-3 subjects max.

HOW TO STUDY WITHOUT BURNING URSELF OUT ;

♡ get off ur device. literally put the phone down. 9 times out of 10 the burn out that ur feeling is just the dopamine detox and laziness

arguably, the most important aspect to prevent burn out is ENERGY management. when ur burnt out u can literally feel ur energy tank on zero, so regardless of all the study techniques, however effective they may be, if u can't even muster up the energy to do them then they're useless…💬🎀

♡ get PRODUCTIVE rest. what is productive rest? scrolling endlessly on tiktok is NOT productive rest. productive rest is actually letting ur mind and body REST. like, taking a nap, indulging in self care, or whatever relaxes u.

STAY ORGANIZED ;

find a tool and stay ORGANIZED. i personally use notion. and on my school notion i create a space for me to write my own notes, a calendar to put important academic dates, resources like passwords and logins, and a to-do list where i can put down some of my assignments. keeping everything organized is so so important. its non digital as well, make sure to keep ur desktop space organized, ur supplies and physical notes organized also. the more organized the better.

SOME POSTS FOR RESOURCES ;

how to get good grades without excessive studying - by yours truly

ways to romanticize school - @4theitgirls

studying methods + tips - by yours truly

youtube channels to help u out this semester - @4theitgirls

creating a study schedule and routine - @prettieinpink

how to study like rory gilmore - @itgirldiary

my studying plans as an accounting major - @iluvprettygirls

citation resources - @workitgurl

how to get good grades without excessive studying - by me

khanacademy.org

coursera.org

annualreviews.org

google scholar - research

google calendar - organization

notion - organization

[ariesprincesss]

Super Random Astro Observations Pt. III

view more astro observations here🔽

Super Random Astro Observations

Super Random Astro Observations Pt II

( i am not an astrologer just a silly girl that knows a lot about astrology🤓)

˚✧ lowkey though in my astrology journey ive learned to lower expectations for how you think something can go even if given the “perfect” synastry aspects or soulmate indicators. any of it honestly. lunar return charts do not work perfectly for every month. sometimes even transits aren’t even really felt strongly. what i’m trying to say is see things as opportunities not finalities.

˚✧ this man i know is a leo rising & i swear he looks like this 🦁

˚✧ progressed moon conjuct jupiter when i had a life altering event!

˚✧ transit 8h Northnode conjucted my chart ruler , trine my natal pluto, transit 8h chiron conjuncted my natal sun sun, transit 1h mercury square natal 4h pluto- When I had another life altering event that essentially changed dynamics within how i relate to others in my family.

˚✧ vertex in 8th house in my lunar return chart when i lost my virginity☠️

˚✧ currently have the sun & moon in my 12th house lunar return chart & am absolutely going through it😭😭😭 edit: also going through a mental breakthrough tho which might have something to do with 1h pluto in that same chart so…🙏

˚✧ transit chiron conjuct my natal sun when i was in just the most terrible mood imaginable…

˚✧ transit venus conjuct my natal jupiter the day i met a romantic partner!!

˚✧ i also had vertex ,chiron ,& north node in my 7h lunar return chart when i met them too!

˚✧ okay but the month i had north node and both saturn & neptune retrograding in my 7th house i could not stop thinking ab my ex & eventually ended up texting him😭

˚✧ this is random but is in my head bc ive been watching bob ross videos lately LOL. but i was wondering why he had so much success and after looking at his chart, i feel like like it could possibly be linked to his libra stellium. he had libra mercury, neptune ,& mars. It definitely feels like he would have an ambition for beauty , making something beautiful, an “eye” for beautiful things , or speaking in a beautiful way.

˚✧ i can also say that with south node currently transiting my 1st house as a virgo rising starting literally yesterday i already feel like this weight of feeling like i have to be perfect and appear as such is fading 100%. big on embracing imperfection….🤔

˚✧ so another instance where i had a partners moon square my mercury (their moon was in my 5h) he was like super lovey with me to the point of love bombing , but it just made me feel kind of smothered/awkward when he would make like grand romantic gestures. (his natal moon was also in 7h🫢)

˚✧ a transformative relationship came to me when the asc dc angles were in my natal 1st/7th houses in my lunar return chart!!

˚✧ i definitely recommend doing “solar return synastry charts” between you and those close to you as i think it provides valuable insight on what events occur between you or others in that year! A chart between me and my best friend showed her jupiter in the 10th house squaring my 12h moon, 6h venus ,& 6h saturn in the src.It showed how she has started to work more hours thus having less time to talk to me everyday or as consistently as possible making me feel kind of like :/ bc i want to talk to my bff!!! This showed up 3 months before my birthday so i def agree with solar return energy showing up early.

˚✧ ive said it before but i will say it again when you meet someone of your rising sign they are essentially mirroring you BADDD. especially if you share placements together.

[xensilverquill]

Amigurumi/Crochet Toy 101 + Resources

Noticed a couple folks in my tags mentioning that they wanted to learn or wished they knew how to crochet amigurumi. So here's a quick and dirty little how-to guide with resources I threw together? Hope it helps!

Tools + Materials

Crochet is one of those hobbies that is actually relatively cheap to get into. Here is a basic list of what you'll need to get started. You can find most of these at any craft store or even Walmart.

(1) Yarn (Required)

Yarns come in a variety of weights (sizes) and fibers. I recommend a soft, worsted weight acrylic yarn (indicated by a number "4" and "medium" on the yarn label) for your first few projects.  

Image

(2) Crochet Hook (Required)

These come in a lot of sizes and styles, and what size you'll use will depend on your yarn weight and how tight you want your stitches to be. I'd recommend buying just one hook to start with rather than a larger set. Metal hooks with ergonomic rubber handles are easiest for beginners (and on your wrists longterm, lol). A 5.0 MM/Size H or a 4.50 MM/Size G works best for making amigurumi with worsted weight yarn.

(3) Polyfil/Stuffing (Required)

For stuffing your project.

(4) Yarn Needle (Required)

Most crochet projects require sewing to one degree or another. Yarn needles are distinguished from regular sewing needles by their larger size, larger eye, and blunter tip. Yarn needles may be straight, or they may be angled at the tip (i.e. a darning yarn needle).

(5) Scissors (Required)

Any sharp, medium-sized pair of scissors will do for cutting your yarn.

(6) Sewing Pins (Recommended)

For holding parts in place as you sew them on.

(7) Stitch Marker (Recommended)

Many amigurumi projects are worked in rows of continuous rounds, and stitch markers can be used to mark the beginning or end of these rounds. They can also be used to mark areas of interest in your project or to secure your project to keep it from becoming accidentally unraveled. I strongly reccomend getting split ring ones. Scrap pieces of yarn also work in a pinch as stitch markers.

(8) Counter (Recommended)

For keeping track of your rows as you work a pattern.

(9) Safety Eyes (Recommended)

Most amigurumi will require eyes of some sort. Safety eyes (you can find these in various sizes in the doll section of any craft store) will give your project a polished look, but you can also use buttons, felt, or even embroider the eye details on your amigurumi.

(10) Stuffing Stick (Recommended)

For getting your stuffing into hard-to-reach spots. A chopstick or wooden skewer works very well for this.

Basic Crochet Stitches + Amigurumi Techniques

Most crochet patterns are built from a few basic stitches. Before attempting any larger project, I recommend getting comfortable with these stitches by making a few small, flat pot holders out of each basic stitch. A lot of crochet is pure muscle memory and practice, and this is a great way to start.

There are also a few techniques specific to making amirugumi that will be helpful for you to know. You can find any number of free videos/tutorials online. Below are links to a few videos that I found helpful when I was learning to crochet.

Image

How to Make a Slip Knot

Single Crochet (+ Starting Chain and How to Count Stitches)

Half Double Crochet

Double Crochet

Triple Crochet

How to Keep Starting Chain from Twisting

Magic Ring

Ultimate Finish

Invisible Finish

Invisible Decrease

Beginner Amigurumi Patterns

These were the first three patterns I learned in the process of teaching myself how to make amigurumi. I recommend working them in the order they are listed. The first two links have step-by-step instructional videos and will help ease you into learning to read amigurumi patterns. All of these patterns are free, and there are many more free patterns out there as well. Have fun!

Amigurumi Ball

Amigurumi Whale

Amigurumi Stegosaurus

[homijak]

So like, I noticed Pre!Corrupted Shadow Milk and Shadow Milk Cookie, his hair changed, and I found this out:

Thing is, I thought the reason why Shadow Milk's hair is short was because he was bored in the tree and decided to cut his bangs out of boredom lol

I want to talk to you about some details in my artworks that, at first glance, seem to make no sense, but they actually do.

Warning: please treat my artworks and lore as something like an original or AU, because they are only loosely connected to canon.

I’m really happy that someone asked why Light Milk had long hair, while Shadow Milk ended up with short hair. I’ll repeat myself, Milk is rejecting his past, he is rejecting "Light Milk." And he’s starting a new chapter in his life as "Shadow Milk." And it’s not as cheerful as you might think, but I’ll talk about that another time.

The second detail, which doesn’t really stand out, is the clothing of the characters throughout the comic. Light Milk was in a completely white nightgown, while Shadow Milk wore a dark dress with blue accents. Is there a hidden meaning here too? Yes! It’s fairly obvious — Milk moved from the light side to the dark, blah, blah, blah…

But wait… Elder Faerie was in dark clothing, and at the end, in light…

Something doesn’t add up, right? Or do you think I just decided to highlight them with contrast so they wouldn’t blend into the same picture?

No, the meaning here is that Light Milk, being in a white nightgown, eventually shifts to the dark side. And when he's in black, he's already on the side of good. And the blue contrast is just a small reference to his eye with the mark.

At the beginning, Elder is in black, and from the start, he was for the light and goodness. But at the end, he’s in white. That’s because Elder Faerie brought back his beloved, and while in canon, he fought until the end for peace, for the kingdom, and gave his life, remaining a hero… Here, Elder Faerie sacrifices the ENTIRE world to save the person he loves. Elder Faerie becomes a villain.

I think you’ve heard the words: "A hero will sacrifice one to save the world. A villain will sacrifice the whole world to save one."

By the way, I mentioned Milk's eyes… But I’ll talk about that some other time. I’ll just say one thing.

Light Milk’s eyes both glow. Shadow Milk can only have one eye glowing.

I strongly recommend looking for details in my artworks, even if they seem absent at first glance)

[beyonsatan]

Here are some REAL astrological tips that I'm not just pulling out my ass and actually learned from reading

1. Aquarius is not ruled by uranus, aquarius is ruled by saturn. When astrologers discovered uranus they borrowed some of the traits of saturn and applied them to uranus because they didnt know what to do with this planet. Having strong uranus influence won't make you feel like an outsider but having a strong saturn influence will. Uranus does not rule "outcasts" or "obstruction" it rules sudden changes which we only associate with aquarius because of their eccentricity and the modern rulership of this sign, aquarius isn't as open to "change" as we would like to think they are, they're a saturn(restrictions) ruled fixed sign, they're more open minded and progressive than capricorn but they're more traditional and less accepting than we think pisces to be.

2. NO planet is unwelcome in the 5th and 11th house. Any personal planets in these houses including mars and saturn, especially the chart ruler is a sign of good fortune, wealth, successful investments and just an easy life in general because these houses are the joy of Venus and Jupiter, harmful planets here become neutralized and instead work to our benefit even with difficult aspects. Ex: Someone with a 5th house saturn might work high paying government jobs or become some kind of authority(saturn) figure sometime within their life.

3. What you've been taught about the north and south node is wrong. The north node is not "underdeveloped traits" The north node represents "increase" while the south node represents decrease, not your comfort zone and this is according to hellenistic and ancient astrology. The north node represents the dragon head while the south node represents its tail. Wherever your north node(the head) is, is where there's an infatuation and/or otherwise increase of energy and experiences, the south node (the tail) is something you abandoned (and shouldnt have) so you could focus on your north node, it's not necessarily something you need to let go of because that's like saying the dragon cut his tail off so he could keep his head lol, the dragon doesn't need to cut his tail at all, his tail is what's helping send him into the right direction because how do you expect him to move without his tail? In this case the south node is something you can rely on to assist you when handling the topics of your north node, that's the whole point. If south node was something that we needed to dismiss or free ourselves from it, there wouldn't be a south node, the south node and north node exist with each other, they HAVE to co-exist

4. I don't really debate about which house system to use when reading your own chart or others but when reading transits, synastry and composite charts, I strongly recommend using WS to make things alot less confusing.

5. The moon is a significator of money in alot of the same ways venus and jupiter are that's why the moon gets exalted in taurus. Moon in Taurus, Pisces, Sagittarius or Libra in the 3rd (house joy), 5th or 11th house is an indicator of wealth.

6. When outer planets transit your cadent houses please don't have a breakdown, planets in cadent houses have the weakest influence within a person's chart.

7. The houses responsible for fame are realistically the 5th, 7th house, 10th and 11th house and everything starts with the 5th house. Explanation: 5th house is the talent you have, the 11th house is your audience, you bring the talents you build upon in the 5th house for the world to see over into the 11th house, the 7th house is your relationship to law and the public, partnerships etc, if you wanna get contracts like a partnership with the NBA or picked to star in a movie, all of this would take place in the 7th house, the 10th house is the brand and image you cultivate after your name gets around from the 7th house, this house talks about your peak, how well did you do? Did you make it big? Planets here, where it's ruler is/and aspects will color all of this. Honorable mention is the 1st house cause the 1st house like the 10th house is angular and says alot about whether eyes are on you, do you get attention, are you an extrovert, are you confident or is building up those kind of things difficult for you, all of this gets answered in the 1st house.

8. Do not let any amateur astrologers gaslight you into thinking that having 8th or 12th house placements make you spiritual, spirituality gets its meaning from the 9th house and the 11th house where jupiter finds joy, planets in the 8th and 12th house is NOT for the weak and I don't mean to sound arrogant, I have 12th house placements and I'm aware that the 12th house doesn't get its meaning from pisces or jupiter, sprutuality is meant to be a good thing, planets in these houses is not a good thing so it is not wise to draw proximity there

9. Both Venus/ Jupiter and it's aspects is an indicator of marriage, the sign they're in, house placement and aspects will tell you more about your spouse (venus if you're attracted to women and jupiter if you're attracted to men)

10. Debilitated or fallen planets are liberated or in accidental dignity when in the angular houses or the 5th and 11th. Yes this counts for retrograde planets as well even tho i don't count retrogrades as a debilitaty. Think of them as having "redemption arcs" like negan from the walking dead, started out evil or In bad condition but it got better real fast or the challenges with that placement are easy to overcome. Ex: aquarius sun in the 1st house, aquarius is obviously debilitated under the sun because the sun and saturn are enemies and aquarius gets overwhelmed by the attention and self expression that comes with the sun but with the sun in the 1st house that luminary becomes apart of you, it's literally influencing your physical body and how you behave, with the sun here you have no trouble expressing yourself and actually like attention, so it's like having a leo rising but alot more intense

[polylocks-blog]

Hi! Your art is so gorgeous I’m very intrested, and Im sorry if this question is rude or tone deaf in any way, but why do you dont draw eyes? I know you've probably had already been asked this- and once again Im sorry if I sound annoying. I just never had seen a stylistic choice like this

Thank you! I'm happy you liked my Nigerian Miku drawing 😋 (didn't expect it to get so much attention in 2 days lol).

To answer your question, it is not a stylistic choice but a islamic choice has i am a muslim Who follow the rules and regulations of Islam ☪️🧕.

In Islam, we believe that drawing people/animals is imitating God's creation. So scholars of Islam advise us that if we were to draw characters, it's best to keep them faceless or with minimal facial features but no eyes. (Facial features give things life in a way, especially the eyes 👀)

DISCLAIMER!!! I'm just a regular Muslim on the internet, so to get a better understanding of this topic, I strongly recommend reading from many trusted Islamic websites or visiting a nearby Mosque, in ur area.

To conclude that would be the reason why I draw the way I draw! Your question was not annoying to answer at all, so thanks for asking :DD!

[qierxing]

A/N: An interpreted continuation of @shiny-jr wonderful fic. This is one of the longest fics I’ve written…..carried by my love for Heartslabyul. Been chipping away at this every so often until now. I would strongly recommend reading Shiny’s part first, or else a good part of this will not make sense. Part two will be something that will be floating in the future.

TW/CW: Graphic descriptions of PTSD & panic attack symptoms, self-harm from bad coping habits, dissociation, dismemberment, references to Alice in Wonderland, made up lore LOL

I. II. | Isekai AU | Yan! Heartslabyul x Reader

"So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all would change to dull reality…"

– Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Caroll

i. Cremation

Ramshackle's mailbox is a pitiful thing.

It sits right in front of the small graveyard near forgotten covered in tangled vines and weeds. Unlike its surroundings which shine from recent renovations and repairs, the hinges still squeak loudly when the latch is opened and the outer parts are scratched and dented. On bright sunny days, it sticks out like a sore thumb.

And today, it's even more obvious.

The box now is in danger of tilting off its support pole, filled with the weight of lumpy letters, spilling out envelopes upon the dirt. Around it sits various colorful wrapped boxes and packages that are piled haphazardly across each other. You swear it gets larger each passing day.

“How many does this make?” 

A battered top hat pops into existence next to you, one of the resident Ramshackle ghosts who's been helping you around lately. (He had said you remind him of his siblings when he was alive. You're still unsure whether that was a good or bad thing.)

You let out a sigh through your nose. There's nothing to say about the situation in front of you. You wish they could disappear the minute you wish for it, yet the colorful wrappings and the various envelopes scattered around your feet don’t vanish the more you stare. 

“I’m really sorry about all this.” 

The ghost shakes his head, frowning at your apology.

“It’s not your fault, prefect.” 

The words are reassuring, but they don’t make the gross feeling go away when you crouch down and start picking up letters that have fallen out of the mailbox. 

From: Azul Ashengrotto 

Sender: Vil Schoenheit

Sent by: Riddle Rosehearts

All of them are addressed to you, of course. You can already imagine their contents: filled to the brim with regret and guilt, blotted words begging for forgiveness for the wrongs they’ve done. When you told the Headmaster that you didn’t want anyone visiting Ramshackle, that wasn’t an invitation for them to flood you with unwanted mail. Then again, perhaps you should have foreseen that they would do this. All of them are stubborn to a fault. It wasn't like your phone was any better until you’ve blocked all numbers making it go off endlessly like a shrieking parrot.

The resulting letters alone are thick enough to rival the textbooks Professor Trein assigns students. Pressing your lips together, you turn around to start heading back to your temporary home.The rest of the bulky packages can wait. The ghost helps swing the door open and Grim perks up from his seat in the living room as you set down the letters.

“Grim, can you get a fire going?”

“Now?”

He eyes the thick pile of letters with wary slit pupils and asks, “Aren’t ya…gonna read ‘em?”

You did. For the first few ones, at least. They were barely discernible, their apologies blurring by as they begged for your grace and mercy. That they would do anything to right their wrongs. If you didn’t know any better, you would say their reverence was akin to a cult. 

It makes your skin crawl.

After that, you stopped bothering to even  skim through. What is the point of continuing to make sense of lunatics? Of cruel games and intrepid players?

"We have the wood, and the house is a bit chilly, so why not?" You reply. Grim scrunches his eyebrows but doesn't object as heavy wooden logs are dumped into the grate. He takes a deep breath and blows upon the letters scattered on the wood, encasing everything in familiar neon blue flames.

You settle into the armchair next to Grim, staring into flickering blue flames. Grim curls up next to you, purring contentedly. All too easily, your eyes lull close to the sound of crackling flames consuming paper.

–

When you step out onto the front porch the next morning, you're overtaken by an overwhelming fragrance.

There's crimson red petals floating through the air. Fluttering in the crisp morning wind, they fall in your hair and the rest end up crushed under your feet. You'd feel bad if it wasn't so pungent; the very air feels like it's infused with the scent of roses. 

Your nose crinkles as you pick up the impossibly huge bouquet that is wrapped in silk and ribbons. It's certainly beautiful, you'll give it that. Yet this scent doesn't bring back good memories. It only brings vivid flashbacks of being lost among rose bushes, covered in dirt and scratches, trying so frantically to find a way out. When every single crack and snap was a possible life threat. 

You don't realize you're crushing the bouquet until something trickles down your fingers. It doesn't feel like blood pooling between your skin. Relaxing your grip ever so slightly, you find pin sharp thorns running down the stems where you were gripping. The fleshy meat of your palm is punctured cleanly in the shapes of the thorns. Was it left unclipped on purpose?

The card is the next thing you find with bloodied fingers, rumpling white cardstock and soiling it without a care.

To our beloved player,

We deeply apologize for the pain we have caused you and beg for your forgiveness. We will make sure to atone for our sins of harming you.

~H

The initial and the bouquet is too obvious of who it's from. Riddle must've penned it, because none of the card soldiers would ever write this formally. But it must've been Cater's idea to send the bouquet–Trey nor Riddle would've come up with such a sentimental and sappy idea. And Ace and Deuce would rather die than do such a cringey thing. 

The door opens again behind you. You turn to see a half-awake Grim groggily yawning. He stops once his blue eyes land on the bouquet in your hands.

"Whazz that?" He points a paw at the rumpled roses, and you hastily shove them behind your back. 

"Nothing." You say.

Grim makes a face before finally breaking the awkward silence with, "Do ya want me to go tell 'em off–"

"No." 

The answer is rushed and makes Grim's eyes widen. It's crazy, you know. But to have Grim try to solve the problem for you doesn't sit well with you. It's not like it's his fault for what you went through.

And maybe, deep down, you couldn't bear the thought of telling them nasty insults and curses to make them hate you more.

"I'll take care of it." You add, trying to reassure Grim, who only stares impassively. He shakes his head.

"Am I making another fire?"

"...if you can, please."

ii. The Morgue

It’s been a couple of weeks since you’ve been brought to Twisted Wonderland. 

Yuu’s…body has been moved to another room. It freaks you out more than you would like to admit. It’s familiar, yet it’s not. It’s carved to your image, but with none of your personality. There’s something wrong with the way its eyes are tilted, the dip of its cheeks, the curve of the chin. An idealistic, dreamy mirror of yourself.

Still. You’ve seen many dolls in your lifetime, and even you cannot deny the life like artisanship. The seams of the joints are cleverly hidden and the skin is smooth and unfettered without any misshapen resin(or clay?)–these are marks of a true doll-maker.

“It’s your vessel.” Grim had said with a matter of fact tone. As if you weren't looking at an unmoving human body. “Everyone was freakin’ out cuz’ it just shut down outta nowhere.”

It must’ve been because you were brought here at that moment. The hypothesis doesn’t really make you feel any better. You should know better than to blame an inanimate shell of a vessel, but... 

You jerk awake, cold sweat running down your neck and face. It takes a second for you to realize you're not being encased in burning scarlet flames and it's not claustrophobic verdant green hedges surrounding you. The bed sheets are tangled, wrapped in a chokehold around your legs and torso. Instead of translucent leaves, the bed canopy curtain shields you from the moonlight pouring in. The soft snores of Grim sync with your ragged breaths in time.

Tonight's nightmare had been recurring for a while. Every single time you thought you had shaken it off, it comes back like a bad omen.

Instinctively, your hand runs over the bumpy raise of scars running down your back and neck. Most of them had faded with magical treatment and time, but there are some that still have rough skin that has hardened like scales on a dragon. 

Your fingertips curve inward and dig. 

You thought you were safe. The rose maze is large and encompassing: hiding would be the best move. You breath in–

– and you were face to face with the Crimson Tyrant himself.

His face contains no humanity, his eyes only reflect dark, dark anger and resentment. You thought you were staring into a never ending abyss. Something inky black catches your eye, and you realize with horror that blot is trapping your feet and leaving stains upon your skin.

"Stop right there, imposter!"

Your nails scrabble at the bumps and raises, tearing through them with obsessive speed. Faster, faster–it doesn't feel right, you have to scrub your skin clean of those foreign textures.

Adrenaline is the only thing keeping your legs from collapsing to the blot climbing its way up. You have to do something–

–something wraps around your neck and torso, and all air leaves you as it squeezes and knife sharp needles gnaw into bone.

Your breathing grows more hoarse as your nails scratch faster and faster, desperate to remove more of those vile clumps of impurities. 

"You will suffer as Yuu did." The verdict is declared with deranged gleeful vengeance. The tyrant points his scepter at your fallen body covered in thorny vines reminiscent of roses. Blot swallows your form and screams whole–

It's only when the familiar smell of iron registers in your mind, that you finally snap back to your senses. When you finally draw your hand back to view, it's covered in clotted blood and torn skin, both dead and fresh, all clogged under your nails. The open cold air now makes your neck and back sting sharply as blood trickles out of reopened wounds.

It's with a heavy heart that you quietly leave the bedroom entirely to wash away the blood in the kitchen sink. Crimson dyes the white ceramic for a brief moment before swirling away down the drain. 

The wounds sting and ache, but you can barely be bothered to tend to them as you resign yourself to the living room couch with a thin blanket. You think of Grim sleeping unaware upstairs and close your eyes. The old weathered grandfather clock in the corner ticks on and on with each second.

No, you can't blame a puppet for functioning for its purpose.

But you could tear its limbs out of its sockets so it could never walk anywhere again. If you plucked out its fingers and eyes, it wouldn't be able to find its way around anymore. Sewing the mouth shut would seal the deal.

Then it would truly know how it felt to have no choice.

–

Working as Sam's assistant helps take the mind off things. Crowley had begged you to resume classes as Grim's 'beast tamer', but something in you screamed at the thought of having to shed your feelings aside to return to what normalcy was. As if this world didn't run on the giant malicious cogwheels of fate and lines of code.

How painfully obvious it is that your mere presence is just a substitute. 

"Ah!" 

You look up from sorting products on the shelves to a surprised looking Riddle Rosehearts. No no no no–

You take in his sunken gray eyes and pale skin, before going back to shelving products. It takes strength to play dumb. Your shaking hands betray the fear growing within as they sort through stationary merchandise. Finally, the products are lined up neatly and you're trying to bustle away as quickly as you can–

"W-wait!" You try to ignore the half whispered plea, moving behind the counter with an unnatural speed. 

"Please, wait, I need something!" You do stop, because unfortunately, you can't completely ignore a customer in need. So you take a deep breath and grit your teeth, turning around with a polite smile. Stare straight ahead. Think not of smoldering flames and knife like rose thorns–

"What can I help you with?" He stares into your eyes, frantic and desperate. It's clear with the way his mouth opens and closes that he wasn't sure how to continue his case.

"If you aren't sure, take your time to browse, dear customer." The grin was starting to wear on your cheeks already with how much you struggle to keep it in place. 

Please just leave, you internally beg. You settle behind the counter, watching as Riddle bows his head and disappears among the shelves for his items. A tired sigh leaves your nose. 

Your hands keep shaking no matter how hard you clench and unclench them. 

He can't hurt me here. 

Sam is just a yell away and there's mace and a knife in your bag underneath the counter. 

It'll be fine. It's not the Tyrant.

A clink of glass catches your attention, as some ink bottles are pushed on the counter. 

"I've finished." Riddle's smoldering eyes choke you under their hues.

"I'll ring that up, then." 

The exchange happens quietly yet as you hand him the bottles, he pauses, looking down. "What happened to your hand?" 

Shit. There were still obvious swollen scratches and puncture holes imprinted on your hand. You completely forgot about bandages after Grim caught you with the bouquet the other day. You quickly hide your hand in your pocket. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He seems to want to say more, but is cut off when someone else comes up behind him, waiting to pay for their items. He only swallows hard and nods, setting out with only a guilty look back.

You finally breathe out a long sigh of relief when the door chimes echo behind him.

-

"That'll be ten thaumarks and thirty madols." 

This is the fifth time Riddle's shown up during your shift and bought ink. This time, it's a deep crimson color not unlike the shade that saturates his dorm. It reminds you of torn skin on nails from that night, and it takes a minute to shake those thoughts off as you pick up the bottles.

"Prefect, could I talk to you after your shift ends?" You turn to fix him with an incredulous stare, and he grimaces.

"I promise I won't harm you! Did you not get our letters?" But how can I trust you? On this cracked chessboard you are forced to play upon, you don't know where to place Riddle at all. He is too much of an unstable bomb that could blow up in your face at the wrong impression.

"Fine." He definitely won't back down until you agree to hear him out, and it's best to let him state his case once and for all. "My shift ends in an hour. I'll meet you outside."

"Excellent. I shall wait for you then, prefect." He takes his bag and leaves with a small bow.

The time passes all too quickly. Sam shoos you out before you can try to coax some overtime hours from him. And much to your annoyance, Riddle is waiting for you promptly as you step outside.

He looks nervous as he bows his head in acknowledgement of your presence. You'd almost feel bad, if it weren't for the fact that he nearly beheaded you at first sight.

"Have you received our recent letter and flowers?" A long silence follows, before you reluctantly nod. Your hand throbs as you open and close it out of habit. You just removed the bandages this morning, but the unbearable itch to reopen the scars is too tempting. Steel eyes are immediately drawn to the movement. "I see. Then I won't drag this out. Prefect, could we prove to you our sincerity to make amends?"

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly as I said. Please let our dorm express to you our sincerity to mend our relationship." The intensity of his eyes makes you sick to your stomach.

"You've apologized enough, Housewarden Rosehearts. I'm sure your card soldiers have too." Subconsciously, your hand drifts toward your neck.

He winces. No doubt it must be a sting to his pride that his numerous penned letters weren't acknowledged. "It's not just about apologies. We want to start over–turn over a new leaf, if you will, for our relationship. It would be a disgrace to the Queen of Hearts herself if I could not atone for what I've done."

Always with the rules. You're not entirely sure what Riddle means when he says 'mending your relationship', but it seems he's already set his mind to it. It would be hard pressing to get him to change his mind now.

"...sure." You reluctantly acquiesce. The tips of your nails brush against scarred skin before drawing back. You shouldn't. It took so long for the wounds to close again, for sinew to piece itself together, and for skin to finally grow back. You don't want another lecture by Crewel or Trein.

He brightens considerably with a look of relief. "Good. Then, please wait for our call." 

You watch in confusion as he trots off hurriedly after another deep bow. Wait for our call? What does that–

Something buzzes, and you realize it's your phone, lighting up with a notification from Magicam. You frown, tapping on the icon. A message? 

cay4cay sent a message request

The second you processed the username and profile picture, you instantly hit the block button. With a frustrated scowl, you shove the phone into your pocket. You deleted Yuu's account and only had a burner account for info purposes. How the hell did that social butterfly find your handle?

You groan. This is all too much.

iii. Paying Respects

A letter arrives, but not by mail.

A jarring commotion rudely rips you from sleep's embrace. You groggily sit up, blinking once, twice, before realizing the noises were very much real and still happening. Who is this loud on a Sunday morning? Grim continues to snooze right next to you, unperturbed by the disturbances. You debate whether it's worth it to get out of the comfy covers. Then another yell echoes up to the room and you groan in annoyance. 

You slam the entrance doors open, ready to give the lecture of a lifetime before you stop in your tracks. 

Deuce Spade looks like he wants the ground to swallow him up whole. Even Ace Trappola, haughty asshole that he is, looks thoroughly ashamed to be caught in a compromising pose. The scene is so familiar that you can't seem to be confused. It takes a second of awkward staring from all three of you before you realize that you're still standing in your thin pajamas, out front in the public entryway in the cold.

"...May I help you?" The distant polite inquiry has them both flinching. They scramble to their feet, brushing off dirt and debris from their fist fight. 

"We're very sorry!" Deuce bows deeply, while Ace scoffs and looks away.

"Housewarden Riddle told us to give you this, so…" Ace shoves a white envelope with a seal boasting a crown insignia into your hands. The Queen of Hearts. You exhale through your nose. So this is what Riddle meant earlier.

You open the envelope gingerly, carefully inspecting it as if it were some kind of trap.

"We're going to have a party soon." Ace is still determinedly avoiding your eyes. "You can come…if you want."

You hold back a sardonic chuckle. Even after everything that's happened, he's trying to act like some kind of cool, suave guy. Your eyes drop down again and you open up the flap to reveal the elegant crimson cursive that decorates the paper.

You're cordially invited to Heartslabyul's monthly tea party. Please send your response ASAP.

Date: XX/05

Time: 14:00 - 17:00

A silence lingers in the air, heavy as a rock. You can tell without looking that the two were holding bated breaths waiting for your reply.

This certainly was out of the blue. But. It was Ace and Deuce. Riddle may have issued the order, but they must've taken initiative in delivering her majesty's decree. Stubborn and tenacious, yet they were still endearing with their loyal friendship. Who in this world would run across a whole desert for you?

That wasn't for you though. The intrusive thought immediately makes your lips thin. The card soldiers shift at the subtle expression change, nervousness painted all over their faces.

You would be lying if you said you weren't curious. Why an invitation to a tea party? It was rather unlike Heartslabyul–or at least most of them–to be indirect like this.

"Sure. I'll be there. I can bring Grim, right?" You flip over the card and envelope, raising an eyebrow at their stunned faces.

"Wait, you serious?" Ace stutters. His ruby eyes blink rapidly as his mouth gapes open. It’s clear he wasn’t expecting you to actually say yes.

"Why would I waste my time lying to you?" You sigh, crossing your arms. Granted, you never did send any response back to that ostentatious bouquet, but you were already preoccupied with the hundred of other letters and packages flooding your mailbox. 

"In that case, of course Grim can come!" Deuce says, looking like he's been released from an entire burden off his chest. It was no doubt plaguing him on what your answer would be.

"Great." You wave a careless hand, turning to close the door. You're so ready to go back under soft bed covers. "You can give my answer to your housewarden. See you then."

A hand grabs at your arm and tugs you back suddenly. You turn and open your mouth–

"You! You're the one that caused Yuu to shut down!!"

Wind blasts past you, leaving a thin trickle of blood down your cheek. Eyes wide, all you can do is stare at furious crimson eyes glaring you down.

"-Hey!" 

Those eyes. It's the same bloody crimson. The same sharp glint of raw bloodlust. Your right cheek aches terribly. Cold sweat runs down your back. Try as you might, you cannot suppress the reactive instinct to flee.

"Don't touch me." Your terse response has Ace retracting his own hand immediately. 

"S-sorry, sorry–" He’s scrambling to get past his mistake. If you were in a better state of mind, you would've laughed at his genuinely flustered state. "I–I didn't mean to grab you like that, it’s just that–"

"We also have something else.” Deuce cuts in, trying to cover for Ace’s blunder. He shoves something warm under your nose, and it takes a hot minute to process what you’re smelling. 

Lavender. The cookies within his hands are simple and aren’t decorated, but the buttery floral aroma they emit leaves you salivating. You slowly take it from his hands, staring at the carefully packaged bag. 

“...From Trey,” Deuce offers hesitantly after seeing your surprised expression. His tight expression and stiff posture betrays the way he is attempting to look respectable. “He's wanted to send you something for a while now.”

For a while? His dorm mates were all clambering to get any crumb of response from you. He might've had the manners then to understand that you wouldn't be delighted to hear from someone who only watched from the sidelines as you were being attacked. Did he only wait because his beloved housewarden didn't move yet? How typical.

“Tell him thanks for me.” The two of them shuffle their feet while exchanging glances at your freezing cold tone. 

"Don't mind us, prefect." Deuce elbows Ace, causing the red head to click his tongue and glare back. "Sorry for bothering you like this–we'll get going now!"

The two actually leave without more fuss, leaving you to twirl the invitation in trepidation.

When you look down again, the flowy calligraphy has been smudged by your fingers, ink blooming on your skin like blood.

–

"What does one wear to a tea party, Sam?" 

The question slips out before you know it, making the store keeper turn around and raise an eyebrow at you.

"And why is our little imp curious?" He teases. At your unamused face, his face splits into a garish grin.

"Perhaps you should ask Professor Crewel. After all, he does have quite the fashion sense." Sam strokes his chin in thought. "While we do have some outfits here, it might be best to get advice from someone who has been to these kinds of events."

And so, you find yourself standing in front of an indifferent Divus Crewel, who takes one look at you and takes another drag from his fashionable cigarette holder. He continues to shuffle through papers, all the while shaking his head.

“I should’ve known Sam would be the one to send you.” His voice sounds annoyed, yet carries no weight of anger. Much like how his bark is worse than his bite, Crewel isn’t one to heartlessly turn you away. “A tea party, you said?”

“Sam recommended that I go to you since you have more experience in this sort of thing.” Crewel does another critical once over of you, no doubt estimating your measurements for the look he’s thinking of. As expected of a former Pomefiore housewarden. He seems to already have an idea of what outfit would be best.

“I’ll help you, but you’re running some errands for me first, pup.” 

You shouldn’t have expected anything less from the alchemy professor. Now you’re stuck picking out ingredients in the botanical garden while you’re waiting for him to get the materials together for your outfit. 

Of all the botanical zones, it just had to be the tropical zone. The harsh artificial lights shine down as you lean down to pick herbs. While the temperature is bearable, you don't know how much more sweat your outfit can take before it gets soaked completely. The humidity is choking, and you feel dizzy from both the moisture and heat clouding your senses.

“Prefect?” 

You look up wearily from basil plants to see Cater Diamond in his labwear, with a face that mirrors your stunned expression.

Give me a break. Immediately, your awkward customer service smile falls in place. First her Majesty, then Tweedle Dee and Dum, and now the March Hare? But Cater knows how to read the room. Maybe he'll know to let it go–

Your hopes are dashed as he immediately bounces up to you with a grin. “Didn't think I'd run into ya like this. Whatcha doing here?”

“Er, Crewel wanted my help with getting him ingredients…” This conversation was quickly swerving into awkward territory. “Why are you here?”

“Ah, you know…” Cater chuckles sheepishly, “I got assigned to water the plants…”

You take notice of the steel watering can in his gloved hands, then the long green hose by his boots. “Ah.” 

“Guess that means we’ll be working together!” He chirps cheerfully and you cringe. Seven, anything but that! You quickly turn back to your basket and begin to pick up the pace in harvesting the basil. The quicker you finish, the faster you can get out of this deathly awkward situation.

“By the way, Acey and Deucey wouldn’t stop chatting about you accepting our invitation!” You flinch as Cater idles up next to you, using the hose to spray a generous amount of water over the patch of herbs. “It was pretty cute to see, y’know.”

“R-really?”

"Trey was also glad too. He and Riddle have been planning to make it the best tea party ever," he mock emphasizes. "They've been running the dorm ragged over the party deets. Cay Cay's been so busy with planning stuff!"

"That's not really necessary…" A feeling of guilt worms into your guts for a moment. You squash it. What Riddle and the others do is none of your business and no obligation of yours. 

"Right? That's what I said too!" Is he implying that you're the reason there's more work than usual? How shameless is he?

After a good minute of dead silence, Cater pipes up again.

"Sooo, prefect, whatcha been up to lately?"

You can't take it anymore. 

“Why are you talking like I have a gun to your head?” 

Ever since he made his presence known, he's adopted a high pitched cheery tone that grates on your ears. It was akin to a customer service voice, but you know Cater. That's his influencer speak.

Cater's chipper smile vanishes instantly.

"Whaaaat?!" You catch a glimpse of his snaggle tooth in his exclamation. He quickly turns and moves to water a patch of sprouts further away, "Like, what are you even talking about? You know ol' Cay Cay's just trying to lighten the mood!"

More like he's desperately trying to appeal to you. He knows which attitude will get him the most views, and the best expressions to rake in likes and comments. You often thought that trait was endearing in its own way when you saw him as a fictional character. Now that you're dealing with him as a human being, it just pisses you off to no end. How could he? You know Cater isn't known for his genuineness but….you thought he would at least act his usual aloof casual self. Then you would know that it wouldn't matter if you offended him.

The straw basket is finally filled with everything Crewel asked you for. It's with dirtied skin and sore muscles that you turn towards the exit without sparing Cater a glance.

"If you say so, Diamond." You hurl the words like a molotov cocktail, and it's very effective. Cater's eyebrows twitch and his hands clench around the watering can. It's one thing to call him by his last name, it's another to completely blow off the nickname he blatantly shoves onto you. "See you later at the party."

“Wait, wait, time out for a second!! Can you at least unblock me on Magicam?” The last sentence makes you freeze in your tracks.

When you turn around, Cater’s somehow still smiling that insincere smile of his. Your neck prickles with dread.

You trust me now, right? His crinkled lime green eyes gleam.

You're not fooled. He is desperate to appeal to you not from genuine adoration, but rather guilty obligation. Although he tried to scrub it from his Magicam profile, you saw the blurry reels and pictures of you fleeing for your life. The detailed descriptions underneath. Each one boasting deliberate timestamps meant for best exposure. He put a bounty on your head with his own hands.

Two can play at that game.

"Block you? I don't have a Magicam account," is your dry response. Cater continues to smile as his eyes close.

"Really? I swear that it was you…" His lips jut out in an insincere pout, tilting his head. You shrug apathetically, hoping the conversation runs itself dead.

"Well, if you do make one, hit me up okay?" Cater calls out after your retreating back.

Once you're in the school corridors and catching your breath, you dig your phone out with shaky hands and pull up Magicam.

Hitting delete account has never felt more relieving.

–

The outfit, in your quiet opinion, was not worth the mental gymnastics you had to do in the botanical garden. Not that you were going to say anything to the very teacher who has been known to treat his students like barking dogs.

"It should fit just fine," Crewel smooths out the crinkles in the fabric before handing it to you. "Go on now. Try it on."

A simple white with a red ribbon bow tie and black slacks. It was rather simple, which is just fine. You didn't need or want to stand out in this party. But you certainly didn't want to end up looking like a slob either. This suit your needs quite nicely.

Smoothing down your shirt, you give a spin as Crewel looks on unimpressed. He waves you off with a dry "Don't expect me to do any more favors for you, pup." You mischievously grin and wave him goodbye as you trot off with your clothes in tow.

The last rays of the sun sets the hallway ablaze with orange and yellow hues. You hum as you take the familiar pathway back to Ramshackle. With everything crazy that’s been going on lately, it gets too easy to be swept up in the moment. As you watch the shadows flicker between the stone pillars, you slow down to observe the scenery for a bit.

The sunset catches a glint and reflects bright white for a moment. You blink and it’s gone when you focus. You stop, confused at the intrusion. 

A loud click echoes behind you, but when you whip around, there’s nothing but the empty hallways.

You stand for a moment in place, waiting and listening apprehensively. Nothing else happens, and it’s with cautious paranoia that you turn around and start speed walking.

iiii. Funeral

It would be impolite to show up to a party without something.

But now as you're standing before the mirror leading to Heartslabyul, you're having second thoughts.

What if it isn't good? You glance down at your box containing the simple custard puddings you were able to make just last night. You didn't really have the skills to make complicated sweets and the puddings only took three ingredients. And your outfit, what if it isn't up to the Queen of Hearts' rules–

"C'mon, [First]! Or else the food will be gone by the time we get there!"

You breathe out a giggle. "I don't think anyone can beat you on your eating speed, Grim."

"You don't know that!" He hops up and down impatiently, waiting for you to adjust the box in your hands.

Right, who cares about any of that?

You follow your companion through the warped glass.

The fresh spring breeze graces you first, then the refreshing scent of flora, and finally, the warmth of the sun on your skin. When you open your eyes, the stretch of viridian green pastures and vibrant flowers greets you. The land of Heartslabyul is as picturesque as you remembered on screen. It feels unreal.

And waiting for you at the end of the path is the very first dorm you've befriended.

"Weird. Where's everyone at?" Grim grumbles, ears twitching in irritation.

The entrance is completely devoid of any human presence. You don’t sense anyone in the building either, which is completely strange. 

Grim's right. Where is everyone? For an incoming tea party, wouldn’t there be various students rushing in and out for the preparations?

“Perhaps they’re in the maze?” You glance warily over to the tall hedges that bloom with beautiful roses. “Should we wait?”

“Ugh, that’s so rude of ‘em to keep us hangin’ though! I say we go lookin’ for them. Who knows how long we gotta stand out here!” Grim shakes his head, distraught at the thought of having to wait for his food. "Let's go to the kitchen!"

"You just want to see if you can eat something." You tut at Grim's scheming face. 

"Mya, so what?!" He yowls. "I'm going and you can't stop me!"

"Grim, wait–" You call anxiously, but your companion is already scampering off into the dorm. You're left with no choice but to take a deep steadying breath and press on. 

But the kitchen room is also empty when the two of you pop in. However, it seems like it was used recently, if not for the smell, then the sight of various dishes laid out on the counter would have clued you in. You sneakily compare your puddings to the spread laid out before you and wonder again if it isn't too late to put them away in a dark corner.

"What do you have there, prefect?" A low voice breathes in your ear. 

You and Grim shriek in tandem, with you almost fumbling and dropping your box and Grim’s signature sharp nails digging into your shins.

The looming presence behind you is revealed to be Trey Clover, who has an apologetic face after spooking the two of you. At least he is conscientious. 

"My bad, my bad," he chuckles, "I should've been more obvious about my arrival." He places a steady hovering hand behind your back. Just barely touching, yet close enough to feel its heat. Embarrassingly, the feeling is soothing enough that you can't find it in yourself to pull away.

"Sheesh, for real! You took some of my life with that, y'know Trey!" Grim hisses, detaching his claws from your poor legs. Trey only laughs and ruffles his head.

"I’m sorry about that Grim. Anyway, you guys came just in time," Trey begins to transfer the dishes onto a wheeled cart. "Food just needs to be carried out and the tea party can begin—but you have something, don't you?"

Regret seeps in when you think of your sad puddings next to all these gorgeous pastries and appetizers. 

“Uhm, I don’t think it’s really needed since you got all this,” you laugh sheepishly as your hands automatically hide the box behind your back.

“No way.” Trey’s smile is warm but firm. When he gently guides your hands to give up the box, you can’t find it in yourself to protest. “It can’t be that bad, since you made it.”

You're struck silent, and Trey immediately takes advantage of your state to press his hand to your back to usher you forward. His fingertips graze your side, and for a second, you swear his lips quirk into a smirk.

You follow alongside Trey as he pushes the cart out through the door.

"By the way, I'm happy to hear you liked the lavender cookies." You look over to see the baker smile warmly. "I would've tried something with the candied violets I had, but I ran out just as I was making them." He sighs as he shakes his head.

Something with the way he's worded it makes it sound like there was more to the story, but you don't care enough to pry further. Trey's golden orbs slide to meet yours discreetly, and you realize he's waiting for you to respond. You murmur an apathetic response back, and he visibly droops.

It's a long, quiet walk through the rose maze.

It seems your arrival with Trey threw everyone off guard. You don't know why they look so alarmed: the venue looks absolutely resplendent. Colorful lanterns dot the tree lines, swinging back and forth cheerily with brightly colored flags. The long table is draped with fine cloth embroidered with intricate lace patterns. There's not a single wrinkle to be seen in the fabric. And the rose bushes, blooming with both red and white roses, are pruned cleanly, not a leaf or branch out of place.

It is a tea party fit for the Queen of Hearts.

"And the guest of honor is finally here!" Easygoing as ever, Cater calls out jauntily to you both. He seems to be the only one not visibly panicking. "Trey, what took ya so long?"

"Had to get the dishes here, you know." He shoots a knowing glare at Cater, who flinches with a sheepish smile. "Someone was supposed to help me, which would've made it a lot faster."

Ah. Cater giggles nervously while twirling his hair. Ace and Deuce exchange disbelieving looks before shaking their heads. 

“Welcome, prefect.” Riddle greets you with a stiff bow. "And Grim." He hastily adds, seeing your companion’s face twist sulkily. The action makes you smile, if only for a moment.

“We’ve been waiting forever for you, Yuu—” Deuce jabs an elbow sharply into Ace’s side, making him cough and sputter mid sentence, but the damage has already been done. Another awkward silence reigns as everyone’s fearful faces are directed at you, trying to figure out how to best traverse the conversational minefield. 

“W-What Acey meant to say is–” Cater is cut off immediately.

"Uh, er, come to think of it, what's your actual name?" Deuce is the one who pushes forward despite everyone else’s horrified looks. As if he had uttered a profane exclamation.

"My…name?" You echo back. 

Right. Since all they knew was the puppet, they didn't know your true name. Heavy silence hovers in the air, even Grim was looking at you in anticipation.

"My name is…" Something chokes your throat. Reluctance? Or fear? 

"[First]. [First] [Last]."

They mutter it among themselves, tasting the syllables and weaving the rhythms of the letters. How strange. With sugar coated lips, their voices ring like church bells for prayer. You're born anew, for the way they look at you is enough to make your heart soar for several fleeting seconds. 

For a brief moment, you could believe that you were with your Heartslabyul again.

The tea party begins like a baby animal: slow, unsure, and always in danger of stumbling to the ground. But it’s Heartslabyul, and who else would know how to best host a party for its guests?

By the time the tea is being poured into your cups, a steady conversation has started naturally flowing between all of you.

“Is there something the matter?” Riddle asks for the nth time as he worriedly gazes at the way your eyes stray to the hedges and whimsical decorations beyond the table.

"Oh uhm…” You hesitate, still not meeting Riddle’s worried face. “Why are the roses both red and white? I thought one of your rules is that tea parties always have white roses." 

Riddle exchanges a look with Trey at your question. 

"That is true, [First], however…" He pauses, before continuing with a determined look. "Red and white roses are customary for parties celebrating with new friends."

“New…friends?” Your hand is frozen at your teacup.

Something fiercely warm fills your chest. There's cautious hope glimmering in Riddle and Trey's eyes. That wasn’t fair. How could they say something like that and not expect you to react? 

The party ends on a light note unlike its stiff beginning. The soldiers gather to see you and Grim off, but once Grim scampers off with his leftovers in paw, her Majesty moves to your side.

“Prefect–no, [First], would you come again?” He asks. His hands are trembling, tugging at your sleeve timidly like a young child again. “F-For an Unbirthday party, of course!”

It’s a request that’s not selfish, you note. Her Majesty’s card soldiers look on expectantly behind their monarch, and it takes everything within you to not collapse. 

“Of course. I can’t wait for it already.”

Your heart weighs heavy. They do not know that the promise is an empty white lie. Though you cherish them, you do not wish to act the role of a doll whose purpose is to play house. 

When they looked at you with those pleading eyes, who did they see? 

Yuu, the puppet they adored for its safe default responses and supportive words?

Or you, the player who has their own flaws and biased personality?

It's okay, you reason.

They won't be able to tell the difference between clay and flesh.

v. Burial

You have a hunch about Yuu.

Only a guess based on many hypotheticals, but better than nothing.

If the puppet stopped working when you arrived, then shouldn't it go without saying that if you left this world, that it would return back to life?

The wooden door creaks open, stirring up dust and sending it flying into the air. You cough and sneeze, waving your hand to disperse the irritant. Serves you right. After all, you refused to step into this room since Yuu's body was hauled here. Didn't even dare to come clean the room. The dust settles and you can finally make out the puppet's silhouette from the waning light rays of the window.

It still adorns its proper NRC uniform, wrinkled in the spots where you had lifted it. It hasn't moved at all from its sprawled pose on the sofa. You remember the dread at realizing the only fitting school uniform you could possibly wear was on this puppet. It only cemented your resolve to break away from the puppet's image. Even if you had to resort to clearing out ancient closets and haggling with faculty, you'd rather take the raggedy shawls and worn flannel over the crisp blazer and button up the puppet wore. 

Its skin has become ashen gray, drained of any life. Old joints creaked in agony when you adjusted it to a sitting position for better examination. For a while, the both of you stare at each other.

Despair tugs at your mind. How long will you be trapped in this world? Has the Headmaster even done anything to help you get home? You snort. He couldn’t even bother doing anything when it was just the vessel. Why would that change now? 

Can you hear me?

The voice, so quiet yet clear, makes you whip your head around. No one's in the room. Are you finally going crazy?

You can hear me, right?

Is one of the ghosts playing a prank on you? You can't pinpoint the source of the voice at all.

I'm here–look!

With dread and fear pooling in your heart, your head turns slowly to meet the doll's eyes; whose pupils are now fixated on you.

The urge to scream and push away the doll is overwhelming. But in a world where the supernatural is natural, you suppose that dolls that can speak are the least impossible thing out there.

I can help you find your way home.

You swallow thickly. Pursing your lips, your grip on its arms tightens as you lean in. Something stirs, and it’s crazy, but you swear it hums in pleasure.

Listen to what I say carefully…

-

Decorations? Check. Refreshments? Check.

Outfits? Check.

So why does it feel like there's something missing?

"What's wrong, Riddle?" He turns to see Trey's concerned face. He gives an awkward smile back.

"I'm not quite sure, but something feels amiss." He explains, rubbing his neck. It's obvious enough to make him feel the familiar slivers of irritation slither through him. 

He tries to will it away. It's a good day, and there was nothing to be angry about. The player–no, [First]–had decided to give them a chance and agreed to come over to celebrate an Unbirthday party with them. Ace and Deuce are behaving as good, law-abiding card soldiers should be. The roses were saturated with dripping red, the dormouse had its nose smeared with jam–so what is this itch that won't go away?

"We can do a double check of everything again," Trey offers gently. “It shouldn’t take too long.”

Riddle shakes his head. “It’s almost time for them to arrive. I will not have them waiting on something that isn’t even a problem.”

“Housewarden~!” Speak of the devil. He turns with a frown at Ace’s loud shout, but it fades to a small smile when he sees you trailing after Ace.

"Hello, Riddle." You smile warmly at him, and his cheeks flush pink.

Wait. He stops. Have you ever called his name? He doesn’t have time to ponder this before he’s interrupted by Trey and Cater bringing in the food.

When everyone is seated and the party is in swing, he notices something.

“Is the food not to your liking, [First]?” He inquires as politely as possible, softening his tone to make it sound less accusatory.

You fluster, waving a hand. “Not at all. I’m just not that hungry right now.”

He decides to leave it, because it’s not as if it’s wrong, per se, if the guest wasn’t eating. He recalls Ace’s previous words to him.

“Housewarden, you really should loosen up a bit! Otherwise you’re gonna end up being a killjoy!”

He may be many things, but he is not a killjoy! Just because he was particular about certain things doesn’t mean he didn’t know how to let go.

But something feels off.

Then he realizes that while the conversation is flowing as usual, you are hardly speaking at all. You only speak when directly spoken to, and even then, it’s short, clipped responses.

He watches incredulously as you pour yourself a cup of tea and then drink it.

The golden scepter materializes in his hand as easily as breathing.

Everyone else reacts explosively, looking alarmed at the scene unfolding. Meanwhile, you merely stare blankly at the end of the scepter nearly several inches from your nose.

"Riddle, hold the phone, what are you doing?!" He barely hears Cater's frantic voice to his left. He's too focused on the way that…that thing is not reacting at all. 

"You. Where is [First]?"

It's silent for a moment, and then a disturbing crooked grin breaks out from its poker face. It starts cackling loudly and it makes his blood start boiling. 

"Start speaking or it's off with your head!" He screeches, scepter shaking uncontrollably in his hands.

"Boo, I was hoping you guys were stupid enough to fall for it.” The thing taunts, leaning back in their chair. 

Red fills his vision. How dare this thing use your visage and breath such vile words? Before he could register it, his arm swipes across. By the time his eyes clear and his breathing steadies, he's staring at a decapitated body that is mangled beyond repair. 

It takes another moment to realize he is not the only one who has raised their magical pen.

Trey is at his right, golden eyes dark as Riddle realizes he positioned himself to shield him. Cater mirrors Trey, but his arms are visibly shaking and his eyes keep switching from him to the broken body on the trimmed lawn. Ace and Deuce had positioned themselves to the backside, but they too, barely seem to be holding themselves together, clenched fists at the ready for physical blows.

“What…” he breathes, “is going on?”

The only answer he gets is the wind whistling through the grass blades.

He collapses to his knees as he fumbles with a body that has been torn asunder, but instead of flesh and bones, he only finds clay and chipped resin.

“What have we done?”

[scary-grace]

one way to live (not recommended) - a shigaraki x f!reader oneshot

Tomura doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about his one and only ex-girlfriend, but winter always brings back the memories a little more strongly. When he runs into you again, ten years after the breakup he instigated, he's not opposed to seeing where things go. After all, he hasn't changed much -- but you have.

This fic is for @deadhands69, who prompted me with #8 from this list: but me I'm not a gamble/you can count on me to split. I went a little into the weeds on this one, so if it's not your speed, please let me know and I'll write you a new one for this prompt (or you can pick another!) I apologize for the wait. Modern AU, no quirks, 4k words, angst.

Tomura wakes up facedown on his keyboard to the sound of ping after ping going off through his speakers. For a second all he can think about is how much his neck hurts, so much that he might actually message Magne for the name of that chiropractor she keeps going on about. Then he remembers what he was doing before he fell asleep and sits up in a hurry. “Fuck!”

He was streaming. He was streaming, with hundreds of people watching, and he fucking fell asleep in the middle of it. Tomura thinks about apologizing for a split second, but given the number of pings still going off as he sits up and blinks sleep out of his eyes, the chat isn’t exactly mad about it. Tomura looks a little closer.

MD_DEVICE self-care livestream whennnnnn

my man’s avatar has been doing the funky chicken for three hours and I can’t look away

f in the chat if you think he looks cute when he’s sleeping

bro go to bed

seriously go to bed

sleeeeeeep

i will pay you to log off and go to bed

whose name were you saying just now

The longer Tomura spends reading through the messages, the worse it gets. Three hours? People were debating whether he looked cute? He doesn’t see a single F in the chat, but somebody’s sent him money to log off and go to bed. Multiple people have sent him money to do that, like he’s an e-girl who has to catch up on her skincare routine or some shit. But as annoying as that is, the last question in the line-up is worse. “I wasn’t saying anybody’s name. I don’t talk in my sleep.”

bold words for a guy who’s been dead to the world for the last few hours

Tomura knows that username. “Dabi, get the fuck off my stream.”

lol no

whose name were you saying again?

Now that Tomura looks, Dabi’s username isn’t the only one he recognizes. He sees Twice’s username, and Dabi’s, and Toga’s. Tomura’s mod is supposed to kick them out if they show up in his streams. Speaking of Tomura’s mod – he pulls up a direct-message and messages Spinner. get rid of them. why didn’t you wake me up?

I tried! What was I supposed to do, come over to your house? Spinner must be multitasking, because Dabi’s, Toga’s, and Twice’s usernames vanish in quick succession. People were still watching. I figured it was a bit.

Tomura catches a glimpse of himself in the corner of his screen. His eyes are bloodshot, he’s almost definitely been drooling, and there are keyboard imprints on one side of his face. What the fuck kind of bit could he possibly have been running? Whatever. It won’t matter as long as he gets out of this fast. He faces the camera again. “Since you all want me to go to sleep so bad –”

sleep

sleep

sleeeeep

whose name were you saying

^

^

^

^

 “We’re going to finish this later,” Tomura growls, fighting the urge to yawn. “Thanks for sticking around for – that – and remember, the enemy’s gate is down.”

He cuts the feed about two seconds after he says his stupid catchphrase, then slumps back in his chair and yanks his headphones off. His head hurts. His mouth tastes like garbage. Spinner sends over the earnings report from the – fucking hell, seven-hour stream, and Tomura sees that he can apparently make as much money drooling on his keyboard as he can actually playing the game. Somehow that makes him feel even more like shit. He looks stupid when he sleeps. Everyone was probably laughing at him. He doesn’t need to go back through the chat log and check.

Messages start popping up on his screen, this time from his groupchat with his friends, all of whom he’s pissed at right now. Toga’s first up. Don’t be mad, Tomura-kun! We only logged on because Spinner said you were sleeping in there.

Don’t throw me under the bus like that! I was just asking you what I should do!

You look like shit. When was the last time you went outside? Dabi sends that, then sends another message, rapid-fire. Were you seriously saying your ex’s name in your sleep?

What? Tomura’s face heats up so fast that it’s a miracle he doesn’t burst into flames. If this had happened five seconds earlier while his video was on, he would have nuked his account. Twice chooses this second to chip in. you can’t pine for a girl you dumped. I’m kidding! Pine away! Pine until you start sprouting cones!

I’m with Dabi, sweetie. You look like shit. Magne sends a heart along with that message, like that makes it any better. I think you need to get some outside time. What do you all call it?

Touching grass, Toga says. Tomura-kun go outside challenge.

Tomura’s not going outside. It’s fucking cold.

That sounds like a you problem, Dabi texts. Get your crusty ass outside or

Or what? Tomura’s pretty sure he’s got nothing.

A new name pops up in the chat. Or I’ll make the party do a side quest before they can break your sleeping curse, Compress says. Tomura swears. Go outside.

Compress is the DM for this round of D&D, and he’s not as much of a hard-ass as Dabi was when he was running it – but Tomura knows damn well that he’s not screwing around. And there’s no way Tomura’s spending another session sitting off to one side under a stupid sleeping curse while everyone else gets to play. if I go get coffee will all of you shut up?

Take a selfie! For proof! Twice insists. If you get coffee you can stay awake while you pine!

Tomura’s not fucking pining. He levers himself up out of his chair and goes looking for his jacket. And his scarf.  And his shoes. It takes him so long to find any of them that he starts wondering if his friends don’t have a point about how long it’s been since he left his apartment.

While he searches, his friends keep messaging. I logged on late. Was he really talking in his sleep?

Not really talking. Mumbling. Except the name.

HER name. Toga sends a Star Wars gif for some reason – some old guy saying he hasn’t heard something in a long time. I haven’t thought about her in forever! did we ever find out what happened to her?

Tomura finds his jacket, then his shoes, and glances back at the screen to see the rest of his friends answering in the negative. He closes the message window, powers off the computer, and heads out the door. By the time the elevator hits the lobby, he’s already regretting leaving his apartment. The doors to his apartment building are glass. Even inside the lobby, it’s way too cold.

But he said he’d go outside, and he’d send proof. Tomura steels himself, steps outside, and starts down the street. There’s a coffee shop two blocks away. Maybe he won’t even stick around to buy coffee. He can just go inside, take a selfie, and go home. Tomura checks his phone while he’s waiting for the traffic light to change and sees that his friends are still lighting up the groupchat. It looks like they’re debating whether it’s more embarrassing to say your ex’s name in your sleep or during sex. Most people are saying sex, but Toga’s arguing that saying someone’s name in your sleep is worse. Sex is just sex. If you’re talking about them in your sleep it means they’re on your mind the rest of the time too.

Tomura’s not weighing in on that conversation, but he sort of wants to set the record straight. You aren’t always on his mind. He doesn’t think about you all that much. Sure, the two of you dated for a couple years, but that was at university, almost a decade ago – and Tomura’s the one who ended it. He just thinks about you a little more at this time of year. You always loved the cold, almost as much as Tomura hated it. Just one more thing you didn’t have in common.

That’s not why Tomura broke up with you, though. The two of you were different people, but Tomura would have gotten bored with somebody exactly like him. The important thing was that you understood each other, that you didn’t try to make each other something you weren’t. You never asked Tomura to be anything except who he was. Tomura felt safe with you, like he’d never felt safe with anybody. Safe to have whatever feelings he was having, knowing you’d be there for him no matter what.

You never asked Tomura to be something he wasn’t, but that didn’t matter. Your last year at university, things started to go wrong for you. You needed help, and Tomura couldn’t be who you needed him to be. It wasn’t in his programming to be there for you the way you were there for him, and he didn’t want to stick around and watch your resentment grow with every time he let you down. He’d rather leave first than watch you fall out of love with him. So he did.

He should have known you wouldn’t take the breakup lying down. I never asked you to do anything like that for me, he remembers you saying. I just want you to be here. Is that really so hard for you?

This isn’t some in sickness and in health thing, Tomura said. It’s not that serious.

He saw you flinch, and he knew he’d hurt you. Hurting you made him feel sick. It was serious to me, you said, your voice shaking, and you turned away. My mistake.

It was serious. Too serious for where Tomura was at back then, no matter how much he loved you. He felt like shit afterward, and when he ran it by his friends, they didn’t exactly help. Spinner made it pretty clear he thought Tomura was nuts. Dabi made a point of telling Tomura there’s no way he could do better than you. Twice pitched a fit because you were the only person who’d watch Star Wars with him, and you were never going to talk to any of them ever again.

The only person who sort of got it was Toga. Something about the right person, but the wrong time, and that made sense to Tomura. Maybe if the two of you were older it would have been different. Tomura usually tells himself that, when he thinks about you. It wasn’t on him. It was just bad timing. The fact that he’s never dated anybody since is bad timing, too.

He thinks about you a little more in the winter, but maybe he’s been doing it a little more than usual this winter, because he’s been thinking on and off about looking you up. Not for any real reason, just to see where you’re at. What you’re doing. If you look the way he remembers you, or if you’ve changed so much he can’t recognize you. If any of the dreams you used to talk about ended up coming true.

By the time Tomura gets to the coffee shop, his hands are basically numb, and the coffee shop is jam-packed. He has to get a lot further into the personal space of the person ahead of him in line than he wanted to, but he’s not going to freeze his ass off by standing there with the door open behind him. The person who gets in line behind him apparently didn’t get the memo about the door, and Tomura snaps at them without glancing over his shoulder. “Stay outside until there’s room.”

The door shuts, and Tomura faces front. There are so many people in here that the windows are steaming up, and the air would probably smell like sweat if it didn’t already smell so much like coffee. Tomura’s only consolation is that the baristas look just as done with the whole thing as he is. Hopefully the line will move fast.

It moves pretty fast, fast enough that Tomura’s hands haven’t warmed up by the time he reaches the head of the line. He also hasn’t been checking the menu. It feels stupid to order black coffee for ¥600 when he can make it at home for free. He scans the menu, trying pick something he won’t hate before the person in line behind him decides to murder him for taking too long, and settles on – “A hot chocolate,” the barista repeats. “Really?”

“Is there a problem or something?” Tomura snaps. “It’s on your menu.”

“No problem. What size?”

He’ll be cold on the walk home. Tomura orders the biggest one, and orders it extra-hot so his hands won’t freeze. The price is ridiculous, but Tomura can’t make decent hot chocolate at home. He only knows – or knew – one person who could do that. He reaches into his coat pocket for his wallet. Then his other coat pocket. Then both back pockets of his pants. The barista is drumming his fingers on the counter, and Tomura can hear discontented mumbling from the line behind him. This can’t be happening. He left his apartment specifically to buy coffee. There’s no way he forgot his fucking wallet.

Except that’s exactly what happened, because he can’t find it anywhere. “You can pay with your phone,” the barista says. Right. Tomura yanks his phone out of his pocket, but his hands are still frozen, and he loses his grip. The phone hits the tiles corner-first and a web of cracks spreads across the screen. “Wow –”

Tomura swears and scoops it up. He drops his phone all the time, but the screen doesn’t usually do that. “It still works. Give me a second –”

“No chance. There are other customers waiting –”

“Add a peppermint mocha to that hot chocolate. Same size.” The voice of the customer behind Tomura in line sounds weirdly familiar. “I’ve got both.”

The barista starts typing in the order, and Tomura turns to argue with the person who’s trying to pay for his drink, only for every last thought in his head to evaporate. The person behind him isn’t some stranger who’s trying to move the line ahead. It’s you.

You nudge past him to pay for the order, and you give your name for it, in case there was any doubt in Tomura’s head about who you are. There wasn’t, really. You look like you used to, almost. Your voice sounds almost exactly the same. The gestures Tomura sees as you take out your card to pay, the way you hesitate way too long over the tip screen before giving one that’s too big, are almost familiar. You look like Tomura remembers, except more like yourself. Which is –

“We should probably go this way,” you say, and Tomura snaps out of it. “Right now we’re holding up the line.”

“Yeah.” Tomura follows you to the pickup area. He’s expecting you to say something else, something about how you recognize him, but you don’t say a word. Maybe he’s the one who changed, or else you’re pretending not to recognize him to teach him a lesson. “So, uh – I don’t know if you remember –”

“Tomura? Yeah,” you say, and Tomura’s face heats up so fast that he has to look down at his phone to hide it. “I wasn’t going to say anything, in case it would be awkward. Is your phone okay?”

“It’s fine. The screen’s just fucked up.” Tomura burns a few seconds poking at it, trying to get himself under control. People run into their exes. It happens all the time, probably. People probably run into their ex-girlfriends who they still liked when they broke up with them, who were hot to start with but somehow got hotter in the ten years since the breakup, every goddamn day. “I’m fucked if it doesn’t wake up soon. I have to send the League a selfie to prove I left my house.”

Tomura’s probably said stupider things, in worse situations. He just can’t remember when they were. “You’re still close with the League?” you ask. You sound interested. “That’s really nice. I’m not close with anybody from school.”

It’s Tomura’s fault. Most of your friends were Tomura’s friends first. Somehow he doesn’t think telling you about how he and the League hang out at least once a week and usually more is the right move here. “Have you lived here the whole time?”

“No. I moved away for a while. But I always figured I’d end up back here.” You smile slightly. “Sometimes I think things happen when they’re supposed to.”

Things happen when they’re supposed to – like Tomura running into you, the same day as he got caught napping on a livestream and saying your name in his sleep. Toga’s going to lose her shit when she finds out about this. “So why’d you come back now?”

“A few reasons. Work, mainly,” you say. “Did you move away at all?”

“No. Stayed. Everything’s here.” Tomura keeps trying to revive his phone. If he looks at you, he’s going to stare. “Where’d you go?”

“You don’t have to ask me that,” you say. “I know you hate small talk.”

“If you know that, then you should know I’m only asking because I want to know,” Tomura says. “After we – uh, after. Where did you go?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” you say. “They’ll be done with our drinks way before it’s over. What are you going to do about that selfie if your phone doesn’t wake up in time?”

“Tell them I went but it broke.” Tomura’s already resigning himself to spending the next D&D session stuck under the sleeping curse, but it’s almost worth it – definitely worth it – if he got to run into you. “Look, is there somewhere you have to –”

“I can take a picture of you and text it to you,” you say. “That way you’ll have the evidence on your phone as soon as you get it working again.”

“Do you know my number?” Tomura asks without thinking. You give him a weird look. “What? Are you telling me you didn’t block me?”

“If it’s the same number you had back then, I still have it memorized,” you say. You glance down, searching through the pockets of your winter coat. The coat looks sort of familiar to Tomura. Maybe you had it when the two of you were together. “The League probably won’t buy it unless you’ve got the drink with you, right? So we should wait until it gets here.”

Tomura nods. It’s a great plan, except that he’s not going to be anywhere close to done talking to you by the time the drinks get here. He manages to coax some life into his phone, drops it in his pocket to conceal the evidence, and asks as bluntly as possible. “I just finished up a stream, so I’m free for the rest of the day. If you don’t have anywhere else to be, we should talk.”

You blink. “Why?”

“I want to hear the long story,” Tomura says. You look surprised. “I have stories, too. So we should –”

A barista shouts your name, and you turn to retrieve the drinks before Tomura can finish the sentence. He doesn’t love the interruptions, but it’s loud as hell in here, so he can forgive it. You hand Tomura his drink, then raise yours to your mouth for a sip. You’re holding it in both hands, and that’s when Tomura sees it. That’s the only reason he sees it. You’re wearing a ring on your fourth finger. On your left hand.

He can’t keep the shock out of his voice, and he’s damn lucky that he speaks before anything else has time to hit. “You’re married?”

“Engaged. The wedding’s in December.”

It’s January. “It takes that long to get married?”

“If you’re planning a big wedding, then yeah,” you say, and sigh. You shift away from the pickup counter, towards the door, and Tomura follows you, even though the impulse to jump out the coffee shop’s front window and go into witness protection is growing stronger by the second. “His family’s – traditional. If doing things in style makes them happy, it’s not that hard to put up with.”

Tomura thinks it probably is, or else you wouldn’t look that tired when you talk about your wedding. Shouldn’t you be excited talking about your wedding? Or maybe Tomura’s just reading what he wants to read on your face, instead of the truth. That for you, running into Tomura is the same as running into anybody else. That his heart’s the only one that skips a beat when he makes eye contact with you. That you’re fine, that you’re happy. That the four years you spent with Tomura didn’t matter to you at all.

“So,” you say, into what Tomura’s realizing is an awkward silence, “should I take this picture?”

“Uh, yeah.” Tomura’s planning to just stand there, staring into the middle distance and trying not to look like he’s had the wind knocked out of him, but you shift him around so he’s standing with his back to the coffee shop instead. You take one, two, maybe three pictures. “That’s enough. Thanks.”

“I’ll text you,” you say. Your phone vanishes into your coat pocket, along with the hand that’s not holding your drink. “Stay warm, okay?”

You’re leaving. Tomura’s not anywhere close to done talking to you. He doesn’t care that you’re married or engaged or whatever the fuck, he still wants to know – what happened to you, where you went, how you ended up here. He tries to think of something to keep your attention, to make you turn back around and look at him, and realizes with a sick rush of guilt that this must have been how you felt, when he was breaking up with you. Searching for something that would get a response and coming up permanently empty.

He finally finds something, when you’ve almost made it to the door. “Hey. Thanks for – uh, the drink. It was good to see you.”

The old you would have said any time. You’d have said it was good to see Tomura, too, and maybe you’d have slowed down a step, let him catch up. Instead you incline your head. “Goodbye, Tomura,” you say, and then you’re gone.

It’s freezing, but Tomura has to walk. He can’t stay here. He hits the street, then spends too long trying to figure out which direction you went, like an idiot. What is he going to do, chase after you? All his stupid thoughts about looking you up – what did he think was going to happen if he saw you again? Tomura doesn’t know, but it wasn’t this, and it should have been. Why wasn’t it? Whatever it is, he can deal with it at home. Tomura drinks half his hot chocolate, burns his tongue, and sets off into the cold.

By the time he’s slammed the door of his apartment behind him and found his wallet sitting on the kitchen counter, he’s gotten a text from you, with two pictures of himself attached. You must remember what the League is like about proof, because you framed the picture so well that Tomura’s friends won’t be able to accuse him of editing his face into an existing shot. But Tomura can’t send this picture to his friends. He can’t send it to anyone. Anybody who looks at it will see exactly how Tomura feels.

How does he feel, really? He doesn’t know, but he knows he had it backward, all this time. He left you. Ten years ago. He even ghosted you to make it easier – for him or for you, he’s not sure which. He might think of you more in the winter and have been thinking about looking you up and have felt his heart race when he saw you again and say your name in his sleep, but he’s over it. Tomura’s been over it, because he left you.

So why does he feel like you’re leaving him?

part ii ->

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

the thing about Getting Involved In Your Community is i think, based on my own experience, it’s easy to think of it as an “eating your vegetables” type thing that you know you should do, or feel like you’re supposed to do, because it’s Good and Right. you want to be the kind of person who does it. and perhaps as a result times like these filled with people talking about Getting Involved In Your Community can feel like a lot of pressure in an already stressful time. like a call to do more when it feels like you’re already doing all you can. and i am not interested in arguing with anyone’s assessment of their own lives in that regard. but i do just want to say because i have not seen this expressed a lot and i think it’s worth hearing if you haven’t that volunteering and getting involved in my community has been maybe the best thing i have ever done for myself on a completely selfish level as measured solely by its impact on my own personal mental health and quality of life. i didn’t know that was going to be true before i did it and maybe it isn’t true for everyone. but for me and i have to believe for at least some other people who haven’t had a chance to learn this wonderful news yet, it is just unparalleled in terms of effort expended for good feelings created for me to feel in my own head. (and fwiw this was also true like almost immediately even before i found the sort of “niche” i have settled into with its attendant routine and social circle lol. like the first time i did a grocery delivery route during lockdown i felt like i had taken a party drug.) i am not telling you to eat your vegetables, i am cheerfully and without pressure or judgment recommending a restaurant i like a lot and strongly suggesting you get the roast broccoli as a side because it’s one of the best things i’ve ever tasted. the fiber and vitamins are just a bonus wholly irrelevant to the reasons you should order it. up to you! we all have our Things and preferences! but, yknow, i just think it’s a natural human tendency that if something is Good it’s probably also not, like, good, iykwim, but some things, like roast broccoli, are both! and i would just hate for anyone to miss out on learning they love roast broccoli because they’re assuming it can’t be good for you and also rock.

[starshinegazer]

Shoutout Sunday

I just wanted to collect some of the most memorable Astarion fanfics I've read so far and to give them and their authors a big ol' shoutout. These are some of the fics I strongly suggest others to check out, if you haven't yet.

Also, please feel free to comment and recommend your favorites as well! And, if you know of some of these authors on tumblr, lemme know, so I can add them too :) I'm not too good with words, so I'll be slapping some of the authors own words as descriptions (for now). Oh, and do be mindful of tags etc etc... Here goes, in no particular order:

Pieces Still Stuck In Your Teeth by howlsmovinglibrary (@wetcatspellcaster) "The Vampire Ascendent has crossed a line. Eleven years after making the biggest mistake of her life and losing the man she loved, tiefling wizard (now Archmage) Rosalie decides it’s time to put this Astarion in the ground for good. Hopefully, both her head and her heart are strong enough to see this awful task through to its end."

An Honest Lie by howlsmovinglibrary (@wetcatspellcaster) "Astarion and Rosalie think they understand each other perfectly, but they have each fallen prey to the other’s mask. As they both go forward with their adventure, will either of them dare to be honest?"

A Crooked Touch by eyes_of_the_lamb "If you want to read a story where Astarion is sweet from the start and Tav is here to fix him, this isn't the one. If you want to read about two terribly broken men spending a good long while making each other worse before they make each other better, this might be for you. If you thought the in-game romance was a little too easy and it should have been ten times more painful and difficult to convince Astarion he's worthy of love, this is definitely for you."

Perfect Slaughter by Imagineitdear (@imagineitdearies ) "Tyrus, a low-born drow with aspirations for necromantic wizardry, finds none of the hospitality he expected from his new noble patron, Cazador Szarr. Quickly he loses his life and future, his hopes and dreams—only to find something new to fight for in the unlikely arms of Cazador’s least favorite spawn."

A Novel Experience by meanboss (@meanbossart ) "Initially just an epilogue for my own game campaign with my big meaty dark urge drow, turned whole story which I accidentally deleted and am now reuploading, my bad LOL

Hope you enjoy!"

Carving Through The Dark by skitter "The realm is safe and the story is over.

Wren and Astarion descend into the Underdark in search of a new purpose, and learn a few things along the way. Namely, that healing isn't linear and sometimes love takes the long way round."

Blood In The Weave by gingealish "There is no need to breathe, but I miss it all the same. The suffocating silence, the desperate darkness have encapsulated me for I don’t even know how long; It could have been tendays or years. I’ve long since accepted my punishment, stopped trying in vain to crack the seal of my tomb against the onslaught of panic and hunger. Now I lay here, thinking of the friends I’ve lost, the lover who turned on me, and how to finally get even.

Astarion is the new Big Bad Evil Guy. Spawn Tav is rescued by a familiar face. "

When He’s all but Forgotten How to Love Again by bg_brainrot "You saved Baldur’s Gate almost 300 years ago. You died 150 years ago. On a new life now, you find that memories from your past lead you to a specific silver-haired man. Who was he, and why won't he leave you be? tldr; An Elf-Tav reincarnation story where Tav dreams about Astarion in their nightly reveries and eventually seeks him out once they reach maturity. Things definitely totally go well."

More Than Any Words by mataglap "They have saved the city and possibly the world. All is great and everyone is happy... except Astarion has been banished back into the shadows, and Tav is stuck in an uneven battle with his own oath. He's losing the fight. He knew he would from the moment he fell for Astarion. But he can't lose yet, not before they find a way for Astarion to walk in the sun again."

Inexhaustible Oil by homeward_bound "This is the absolute opposite of a redemption fic. A post-canon, fall-from-grace, "I can make you infinitely worse" kind of story, in which there is no simple happy ending. But there's mystery on the way. And dragons. True love, even. So if you're fine with that, come aboard. It's going to be a wild ride."

[mammoth-clangen]

I love seeing the colour patterns on your clan gen homotherium and smilodon.

They remind me of cat colours. Colour mutations in animals (cats and prehistoric animals on general too) are my special interest

I remember that my favourite smilodon design was the one from Primeval. I still have the box sets and they were my favourite as a kid (and now lol).

Sad that Smilodon was most likely tawny like lions. It apparently lived in open areas so most likely wouldn't have spots or stripes. But that doesn't mean we can't draw them like it. Also I wonder what mutations they did have in real life (like white lions, white tigers, "strawberry" erythristic leopards, albino leopard, and melanistic leopards and jaguars do appear in the wild)

I actually discovered your comic when I followed the homotherium tag after seeing the frozen cub. I once saw lyuba the mammoth at the natural history museum, London, at a limited exhibition. I'm completely obsessed with the permafrost mummies. I hope I get to see more in person one day.

Here's my kitty, Zoe.

Oh my goosh what a cute cat ;A;

here's my creature, Fat Tilly! She's an 11yr old Selkirk rex who likes loafing and lying in the sun c:

And thank you! I adore colour mutations in extant animals and I agree that it's really fun to contemplate them in extinct ones c:

I'm gonna preempt this getting long and put a cut here jhrjhrf

I'm sure you will already have seen this, but for anyone interested in paleoart depictions of colour mutations, I'd really recommend this great article all about it

White Cat, Gold Plains was actually all about the premise of a Homotherium with piebaldism. Pied is one of my favourite pigment mutations because it's so much deeper than integument patterns; it's actually a neural tube defect that leads to distinct behavioural changes. WC,GP was about Kiina, the pied cat, and her struggles with always being view as 'childish' by her peers and struggling to fit in. There was also more human impact in this story, as Kiina gets picked up as a cub by a group of early humans. It was sort of my own experience/musings on neurodivergency played alongside some thoughts on early domestication attempts humans must have had (though we all know that, sadly, Homotherium did not end up domesticated). Pied animals are typically more trusting, which is why you see so many pied domestic animals! (Fat Tilly and Zoe both are, for example lolol)

Also the Primeval Smilodon has one of the most gorgeous and distinct designs of any media sabercat tbh, I really loved the episode as a whole even though it had a sort of sad-but-expected ending.

I don't remember where I read it, but there was someone discussing Smilodon patterns and the conclusion was basically "we can't be sure". While lions are solid as adults, they're spotted as cubs and likely had spotted ancestors seeing Pantherines seem to have strongly contrasting patterns as the default. Machairodontids aren't even the same lineage as Pantherines, so we really can't know what patterns they had except for Homotherium latidens having dark brown cubs! They could just as easily grow into a different adult coat, like hyena do. (side note, I was sorta hoping that absolutely amazing Homotherium mummy news might drag some people to my comic so I'm glad it did lolol)

Smilodon was also likely very ambush dependent, being too bulky for pursuits even as long as modern lions. Disruptive colouration could have helped with this even in fairly open habitats. This is actually why I gave the Ice Fangs very faint stripes; high contrast tiger striping didn't make much sense, but breaking up the outline a little couldn't be a bad thing even in a steppe environment. I also didn't want them completely solid because there are actual lions to differentiate cx

[honeytonedhottie]

becoming an academic weapon challenge⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✍🏽

this is a fun little challenge i created that'll hopefully help u to build good academic habits that'll improve ur grades and help inspire you to pursue excellence in ur academic life.

STEP ONE : ROMANTICIZE THE HECK OUT OF SCHOOL

when u learn to enjoy going to school, your going to be motivated to do well in school. because school is so IMPORTANT not only for ur education but also ur future. so take school seriously. and if u wanna become an academic weapon for the long term the best thing u can do is learn to make the best of, and enjoy it.

some ways to romanticize school :

create a school playlist that embodies the school vibes that u wanna have : i have lots of new jeans in my school playlist : i rly like the songs cookie, ditto and hurt for when im at school

ur appearance : if u go to a school where u dont have to wear uniforms, i strongly recommend getting dressed and getting ready meticulously bcuz when u look good, u feel good, and therefore u perform well. if u do wear uniform, wear accessories or hairstyles that make u feel and look pretty. i wear leg warmers with my school uniform and my signature is hair clips and barrettes.

read at school : i always walk around with a book bcuz i like to read a lot but if reading isnt ur thing, listen to a podcast about something that interests u (i rly like true crime)

take pride in ur notes : invest in cute stationary! i swear, sometimes i dont feel like studying but since my stationary is super cute and pink i get motivated to study just by looking at it lol. invest in quality stationary that u love and make ur notes look pleasing to you, and also effective. effective + aesthetically pleasing.

doing homework/studying in the library : or at least changing the scenery and location that u do ur homework from time to time. do yk how boring it is to do work in the same place every single day? give urself a break from the places u see all the time and spend time studying or doing homework outside of ur home. in a cafe or in the library, inside or outside, just change the scenery a bit

start a video diary : i started a little video diary with my friends so that we can remember our school memories. i just think its rly cute and a great way to bond with ur friends, make memories, and romanticize school.

STEP TWO : CREATE A STUDY REGIMEN

every single day study (at least for a little bit) ofc this will vary depending on ur personal schedule but the goal is to do a little bit of studying everyday, and if that isnt possible, designating 3 days a week to a thorough studying session.

the way that i divide my time with a study session is 40 minutes of work time and 20 minutes of downtime. during the 40 minutes of work time u need to LOCK IN. lock in on whatever assignment needs to be complete or lock in on whatever material it is that ur studying. ofc this'll differ between all subjects but dont study all subjects in one night!! thats ambitious, but i find it'll just burn u out so stick to studying for 2-3 subjects max.

STEP THREE : ADVOCATING FOR URSELF

this step is for everyone who feels a bit shy during school but u need to raise ur hand and ask questions!! dont focus on simply learning the material, the goal is to understand the material. understand it enough so that then u can explain it to someone else. thats how you can know when you've studied enough.

dont feel bad for asking a bunch of questions, its literally the teachers job to help you. so advocate for urself, if u need extra classes or a bit of extra help make sure that u get that for urself bcuz at the end of the day the only one responsible for ur grade is you.

STEP FOUR : THE RULES OF THE CHALLENGE

complete every assignment as if it was for a grade - dont half ass ur assignments, give every assignment 100%

study a little bit everyday or have thorough study sessions three times a week

romanticize school

ask one or more questions per teacher

FURTHER RESOURCES :

how to study consistently without burning out - by me

studying tips from a straight A student - @universalitgirlsblog2

[the-fab-fox]

Okay so this has been something I've been chewing on for a long while. About making this post I mean.

This one is to those who actively ingest fanfiction but seem to think it's okay to just read free fiction that people have put time and thought and crafted prose for your enjoyment and do nothing in return.

All we ever ask for and all we ever want is for y'all to AT THE VERY LEAST hit that kudos button if you like the work. That is the BARE MINIMUM of what you SHOULD be doing. Especially all of you who say you're too nervous to comment or don't wish to be perceived. And if you don't want your account on the list, you can log out and send a guest kudos.

But as I said, BARE MINIMUM. If you loved the fic, if you got something out of it that left you feeling good and energized (or whatever angst does for y'all) then I want to take a moment and strongly urge you to comment, subscribe (if a wip), and bookmark those works. Did you know there's an option to even mark it as a Fic Recommendation? You can put notes in to and say why you liked it and things like that (DO NOT DO A RATING IN PUBLIC BOOKMARKS HOWEVER). And, you can indeed make them private! The writer still gets the number added to their stats but your bookmark we won't see.

Anyway, I now wanna turn your attention to Exhibit A:

This is a list of my best performing fics. Do you see the problem with this? The green highlights are the hits I've received for those fics. The red is the Kudos and comment threads. Now the kudos is obviously right?

Let's look at my number one fic right now, Accidentally in Love (a Malleyuu fic from Twisted Wonderland fandom). It's the seventh fic in a romance series. As you can see, it's doing great as far as hits, right? And I know it's an amazing fic from the comments I have received and just from rereading it myself. Note, I am probably the biggest bully to myself as @sunshineandteddybears and @mellosdrawings and @romantichopelessly can tell you in great detail. So when I am saying it's really damn good, you can probably trust it's gonna be pretty damn good. And yet, a fic that has 4K hits only has 119 kudos. And now to bring your attention to the comment threads. So honestly with how bad readers are on actually commenting (which by the way if you log off you can send anonymously as a guest—you'll have to put in your email address but we authors won't see that)... 107 seems pretty good right? But you guys don't see that. You see what's on the info for the story. Unfortunately, on the fic info at the top of the story, it counts every single comment (including the Author's). (The comment threads is just every single starting comment, i.e. the first comment received from each commenter.)

The thing is, I—and probably quite a few other writers—do respond to every single comment.

So that means where the info on my fic itself says 230 comments, in reality, I'm at half that when I subtract my half of the comments. So that's actually 115 comments from other people. So some people might see that 230 and think oh they got a lot of comments so I don't think they want to hear from me or I can't be fucked and they're already doing good so.

NO. NO. NO. Do not look at the numbers as a guide if a fic is good or not. Do not look at the numbers and think that we don't need or deserve to get any more. And finally WE WANT TO HEAR FROM Y'ALL.

Excuses need to stop.

Speaking of numbers. Here's my over all stats current on AO3.

In the 3 years on this AO3 account (I've had others in the past and accounts on ff.net and live journal. I'm an oldie fanfic writer lol. 21 years of fanfic. My gods. 🤣) It didn't used to be like this guys. Back in the day I'd get 12 plus comments on a chapter and this is on stuff a teenager wrote.

We have got to get back to the point of supporting each other and building each other up. Also while I'm at it, I have a huge beef with the fact that fanartists get so much more positive feedback and replies and comments, but the thing is, even their numbers are skewed. You can go into the notes of a fanart on here that has 10k notes to see they have maybe 100-1K reblogs (if that, I'm being generous) and maybe 10 or so replies (if turned on) and the rest are all likes. EVERYONE has been on here long enough by now to know that likes do nothing to get a post in the algorithm and tags only do so much. Reblogs are the only way their art (or our fanfictions for people who post them on here) gets seen! By sharing!

So y'all gotta get better. Yes, we write for ourselves first, but ultimately a story is meant to be shared with everyone and feedback should not be optional if you're actively reading the fics or viewing the art for free and enjoyed it!

TLDR:

IF YOU FUCKING LIKE A FANFIC. KUDOS AT THE VERY LEAST BUT BE BETTER. COMMENT. BOOKMARK. SUBSCRIBE IF IT'S A WIP YOU LOVE. (Like, comment and reblog if on Tumblr)

IF YOU FUCKING LIKE A FANART ON TUMBLR. COMMENT. LIKE. REBLOG.

DO BETTER AS READERS AND US WRITERS AND ARTISTS WILL GIVE YOU THE WORLD (AND MANY OTHER WORLDS TO BOOT)

That is all. Please reblog the fuck out of this if you agree.

(and tagging my current and last fandoms so this can get in fandom spaces where it needs to be.)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Good morning/afternoon/evening, Sex Witch! I have a (rather embarrassing) predicament and figured I could start here. I know you aren't a doctor so it's understandable if you have no clue but. Again I figured this was a good start.

So, I, 16, afab (I'm nonbinary but this really has no bearing on the situation but I felt the need to say) have not had a period in... Over a year. I am not on hormones. I am not on birth control. I have never had a sexual experience outside of masturbation ever. (Where's that post ab the spider that's never felt the touch of a man before but was laying eggs anyway? Just like me frrr)

ANYWHO

I've heard that (and this is entirely shit I've heard on the internet and done very surface level research on so forgive me if this is complete horseshit) things like stress/undereating/injuries can fuck up your cycle, is that a thing?

My current theory is that the near constant stress from school and just life in general as well as the eating disorder I probably have and the on and off self harm (which I am working on, if you were worried lol) have just completely fucked up my cycle. And again I know you are not a doctor so let me know if this is out of your ballpark, if that is the case, do I need to worry about it? Like, besides getting better in general is there anything I should be doing?

hi anon,

this isn't embarrassing; it's a sign that your body is hurting very badly and needs help.

an eating disorder alone could halt your period, and chronic stress certainly won't help. I would strongly recommend seeking treatment for the eating disorder in any way you can, for many more reasons than your missing period. eating disorders are hard on bodies in many ways and are, genuinely, very dangerous. the missing period is a symptom but it's definitely not the most concerning thing I'm hearing here.