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#I should do a few more still life stuff
dragonanne4fun · 5 months
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#hmm🫤#is it time to abandon this desperate desire to meet someone organically in person and finally wade into the world of online dating?#obviously. i would still be incredibly open to meeting someone organically#but is it time to start actively looking online??#30yrs is not that far off for me and....I'm ready to have that person who is *my person*#the person i can call when I'm lonely and not feel like a loser because i know they want to share in my company as much as i do theirs#someone who will kiss my forehead and let me lean against them while we watch a movie#someone who will play new board games with me and maybe even some Dnd#i was feeling the Big Sad Lonely last night so today I got out of the house and drove into the city to go to a few shops...#...and just drive in the traffic (I'm a weirdo who actually enjoys city driving on highways)#and one shop i went to was a big game and ttrpg store (so much awesome stuff)#when i checked out i had such a lovely pleasant and fun interaction with the guy at the checkout#he was kinda handsome. not a chad by any means but he seemed cool and had such an attractive voice#and i know nothing about him/his values/his life--not even his name#but i tell you. if that store wasn't 1.5hrs from my house--I'd be dropping in a lot more often just to maybe get to know him a little better#he was so nice and i felt like there was some chemistry there???#maybe??????#but i feel like the odds of us actually sharing all/most of the same values are low so I'm just torturing myself by dwelling on it probably#the ramblings of a dragon#i want a man. a fun godly. creative man#maybe i should be looking online 🫠
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fobnsfwdoodles · 1 year
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Okay I thought I was tripping but I counted and there's about 92 requests in the hoard so this is y'all's semi consistent reminder that I love you so much and I'm excited about literally all the requests and I will do my best to fulfill them at a reasonable balance of speed and quality <3
due to the number of them I will likely be choosing with preference towards the oldest, my personal favorites, and random selected ones!
Thank you for being so patient and understanding! 🫶✨
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garciapimienta · 1 year
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it's done, he's going to miami
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technicolorxsn · 6 months
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love how there are pretentious video essays that just repeat the book and meander and ramble about house of leaves. it's what zampanó would have wanted. it is not, however, what I want
#anyway i finished the main portion of the book#all i have left is the poems and a few other small things i think? ive read pelafinas letters#im thinking of getting the full book of her letters#but also they severely messed with my head so we'll see#i will say. i do get why ppl say the book is pretentious and frustrating#there was a lot of stuff where i couldnt tell if it was supposed to be satire or if it was genuinely just that dense and pretentious#and a lot of the codes were rly obtuse imo?#like... idk. some of them were super obvious like the sos stuff or pelafina outright saying what to do#but others like. man how am i supposed to know johnny waxing poetic about pussy was coded#i mean that one is also pointed out though much later but i know i missed a lot just like it that werent pointed out#and ive heard theres a lot of shit where the message you get is just danielewski????? which gonna be real. kinda dumb.#but i did also really enjoy the book#there was a lot of stuff in it that was just so compelling or poignant or whatever other word#the minotaur stuff is good (ofc id say that though i love me some minotaur themes)#also a lot of the scenes with johnny just...... christ#idk how ppl say to skip them hes so fascinating#yeah i could do with him talking about his possibly hallucinated sex life a bit less but also his story is just plain interesting#i still think about the part where the girl he was talking to runs over a dog they had picked up........ it was fucking chilling#and his hallucinations of dying are so descriptive in just the right way to get under my skin#the uncertainty with him and his family..... did pelafina try to kill him? did his father just send her away for being a bit too overbearing#over an accident? was there something else? what was the deal with his foster family? with lude? gdansk man and kyrie?#how did it get published? who are the editors? why did the band know of the book before it should have been published?#why does his journal section end with a story from a man he admits to making up completely? the doctor from seattle doesnt exist#the chronological end is more hopeful with him saying things will be okay but then he puts a previous entry after that?#i think the burning of the book parallels the story nicely#johnny said his piece; he nurtured the book as much as he could; but it was hurting him and he had to give up on it#idk!#this book does make me feel a lil dumb ngl
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olympusrox · 6 months
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no stronger bond than between two people who were online friends and then lost touch
she deleted her tumblr in 2022
i hope she knows i still think about her
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themyscirah · 7 months
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Was thinking about how I would write a Suicide Squad book if I got the chance to post (hypothetical) Absolute Power and like... I would totally rock this guys
Won't go totally into it here I don't think because time and also feeling pumped about the idea so may write something for it (which I have an AWFUL track record for finishing, but also if current Waller appearances piss me off enough who knows) but anyways it would have Amanda Waller and Ben Turner (Bronze Tiger) as dueteragonists, (especially for the first few arcs, although moving to a greater Waller focus [at least for a bit] around issue 10? 15? When she really starts to do things). Anyways the main story (at least at the beginning) would follow Ben Turner as he leads the squad both in the field and at home (essentially acting as the "Waller" along with his normal field leader duties) while secretly having Waller herself in residence at Belle Reve pretending to be a prisoner.
Early issues would focus on Ben saving the world (and keeping the squad in check) while also struggling to hide Waller from the government, heroes, and the rest of Belle Reve (save an accomplice or two). This of course works great, until it doesn't
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jaeyooniverse · 1 year
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binniee🥰🥰🥰
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waow.. found a Beautiful Orb at the store today (giant ferrero rocher). I don't even want to crack into it and eat it.. I just want to hold it.. rotate it in my palm thoughtfully like I am an evil wizard who has just been delivered a Very Plot Significant magical gem and is scheming how to use it 
#I'm pretty sure it's hollow inside so I also have a compulsion to break it like I could crush it in my palm#also like a cool evil wizard lol#but I just want to admire it mostly#A chronic personality trait of mine is that I love things that are too small or too large ESPECIALLY food items..#like a miniature version of a candy is cool. a large version of a candy is cool. normal sided version? who cares#BUT thats why I always loved like dolls and things like that. I wouldnt give a shrimp about the dolls I would just get them for the small#stuff. Like miniature food and clothes . love tiny representations of things and little strinkets#I like giant things less but they're still cool. I have a comically large wine glass even though I don't drink alcohol and have never drank#in my life but someitmes I have like.. coffee or orange juice or something out of it and it looks very funny. I also have a few of those gia#nt holiday themed pencils. and I had a giant apple once that was like the size of a football#This fererro rocher is not actually very big compared to a normal one but it's mostly special because it's dark chocolate#NOT Rond Noir though which are the best ones (out of normal fererro rocher. rafaellos. and rone noirs. the Typical Three)#So I was very disappointed that it's just a giant dark chocolate ferero rocher shell instead of a legit giant rondnoir :c#BUT at least it's dark chocolate lol#OH currently playing catch with it because it's like the size of a baseball and this is great#I think everyone should get a giant fererro rocher and unwrap the foil outside and then just throw the raw chocolate orb around#by 'catch' i mean more like... juggling but with one ball. I love to throw things up in the air and try to catch them#like maybe throw them across the room a little and see if I can run to the other end of the room in time to also catch the thing that I thre#w lol.. playing solo catch instead of two people thworing objects back and forth#THIS IS WHAT I MEAN!!! how do people experience boredom???? i do not understand. it's one of the Base Human Emotions that I seem to be#lacking like.. I genuine have never felt ''bored'' the way that people describe it. I can always entertain myself. I could throw a chocolate#ball back and forth with myself for 2 hours I bet if I didn't have other stuff to do . when I was a kid I would sit in my room laying on my#back kicking pillows and laundry baskets up in the air and catching them for like an  hour straight. no tv in the background#no nothing. just getting lost in a repetitive physical task. i still LOOOOVE peeling carrots like if I just had a big pile of carrots I coul#d peel. or cutting candle wax into little balls or something. I am entertained by the smallest things. and even if I can't physically#do something and was locked in a blank white room for hours like.. doesn't everyone have a mental landscape they could entertain#themselves with? I spend legit half the day talking to myself and making commentary to myself for fun. there is ALWAYS something#interesting to do or think about like.. I just love everything a lot lol. I think thats part of why I'm also so detail oriented I just pay#attention to everything. I can spend 15 minutes admiring the way a piece of fabric folds at the corner of my sleeve or whatever#ANYWAY.. genuinely overjoyed throwing chocolate around. I wish I didn't have other stuff to get done so I could just Do This for 45 min lol
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devil-changmin · 2 years
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Eating disorder warning / emetophobia warning in tags
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rubberbandballqueen · 2 years
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hgnnghh... college friend has been asking me questions abt adhd n how to get diagnosed n stuff recently, which i'm more than happy to help him with, but just now he sent a tik tok that was like "maybe i should ask abt this too?" n it was like "why do adhd people seem to crush so hard" n it was like.
now listen i haven't had a serious romantic feeling since i was in middle school, but the description in that tik tok literally dragged the memory of all that out of my chest n i just said to him "haha yep... that's accurate my dude" as though it hadn't just described what was easily one of my top ten "do not ever repeat this again" experiences of my life
#i then proceeded to tell him that he probably shouldn't be pathologizing every little trait n thinking it's a 'symptom' or w/e#like if adhd tips help n stuff then just follow them; if you feel medication would help talk to your doctor etc etc#but also like. i don't wanna live my life like 'ugh i'm hyperfixating on my crush again but i don't want to make a move'#'bc what if they think i'm weird/creepy/just not interested in me back ugh i'd literally just die' PLEASE LET ME BE NORMAL ABT THINGS#idk just the way everything was described. ugh! the shame!!#i think i used to talk abt this more in the very early days of the blog (bc that's when i was still rlly bitter abt my last crush)#but like yeah it seems i really don't like to think abt romance when it's abt myself or my past w/it#i'm okay with the idea of like. being older n doing things in a more mature way should anyone ever grab my interest#but like idk!! it's weird!!! bc when rereading my old middle school diaries it's like 'aww yeah i was really struggling w/this'#but it's very deeply sympathetic like 'yeah it was rough but you'll get through this; it gets better'#for some reason watching this tiktok was just like. a fucking ice bucket of shame. like what the fuck who gave you that right#the worm speaks#i'd really just rather romanticize falling in love the way i have been doing these last few years through anime fanfiction#and never ever ever ever ever ever ever deal with whatever the FUCK happened in middle school ever again bc we were v immature then
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etherealspacejelly · 10 months
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this is your gentle reminder to stop fighting against your adhd and instead structure your life around it
buy a pack of chapsticks and put one in the pocket of all of your coats and jackets because you always forget to bring one and chapped lips is sensory hell
leave important things where you can see them. if they go in a box or a drawer you will forget they exist
put any appointments or deadlines in your phone calendar As Soon As you get them. set a reminder for a week before, a day before, an hour before, as many as you need as often as you need them.
when that little voice in your head says "i dont need to write that down, ill remember it" that is the devil talking!!! write it down anyway!!
plan for down time. have a few hours at the end of every day to just do fun stuff like engage in your hyperfixations. even if you didnt get all of your work done that day, have the rest anyway. you probably spent the whole day beating yourself up for not doing what you Should be doing, so you still need the break.
if you never eat vegetables because its too much effort to chop and cook them, get the frozen or canned shit. it doesnt go off for ages and you just have to microwave it. theres no point buying fresh vegetables if they just keep going off and being left to rot in the bottom of your fridge
if you struggle to decide what to have for dinner every day, take the decision out of it. choose a set of meals and eat those on rotation until you get sick of them, then choose some new ones and do it again.
its not stupid if it works! our brains literally have a chemical deficiency. you are allowed to accommodate yourself. go forth and stop making your life more difficult than it has to be because "this shouldn't be this hard". it is hard, so make it easier.
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whoviandoodler · 26 days
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I need to figure out stuff to do sometimes soon I'm wasting away indoors
#dan talks#even more than like the day to day bad mental health of not going outside#it's like im just continuing my life being on pause. uni changed nothing#I still live in the same house where i cannot function bcs its dissociation station all day long#but i cant move out either bcs i cannot take care of myself or the space on my own#not to mention the obvious issue of money (cannot work)#lots of people in my life moving around doing new things living their messy complex lives#not me tho just a decade of nothing#no memory no change#i used to dream abt moving out but the closer i get to finishing uni and having to get a job#the more i realise it might just not happen? not scrapping the idea but yeah#im incapable of attending uni a few hours a week there is no way ill be able to do a 9 to 5#thankfully it's not a 'kick ur kids out at 18' thing here or id be dead#god and watching ppl make lifelong connections in uni#meanwhile i know like 3 people and barely tolerate them purely bcs i need a network#to keep up w stuff when im too disabled to come in#a couple people besides are fun but it's not rly friendships so much as uni friendships#there was this one trans person i wanted to be friends w but they didn't like me so alas#i cannot keep up with hanging out and cafes and bars and whatnot#maybe hiking was shooting too high (decently far needs too much planning)#maybe i should start w that open cinema or a museum visit#smt that's a simple bus ride away#or finally go to the botanical garden that didnt manage to agree on w friend#before it gets too cold#or the zoo...
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kethabali · 3 months
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figured out the recipe for the perfect smoothie consistency and taste so now i'm gonna eat smoothies everyday
#i have a blender immersion blender AND an air fryer now#so i shall never go hungry or eat only processed again#tentative#we'll see if it works this time#i've tried to make my kitchen as accessible as possible so i'm not afraid of using it#weird bc i love cooking but still not used to this apartments kitchen i guess#but its improved a lot since move in#vacuum helps with food crumbs immediately#i need a chair for the kitchen tho#i'll put my current desk chair in once i build the computer chair i bought#so i can sit if i wanna cook stews or stir fries#while i wait for it#i also got parchment liners for air fryer so its easier to clean and so i will be motivated to use it more#immersion blender to mash vegetables together when i dont feel like eating them whole so i can just make soup/broth to cook beans or meat i#its all about texture and how easy cleanup is#and having these tools make clean up quicker bc less dishes and tools make different textures#chunky smooth crispy ...#best of the best...#oksy bye#🧃#now if only my work schedule would stop getting in my waey and making me spend money grrrr#i only work 3 days a week but somehow i still haven't managed to prep meals in the other 4 days i have off in the last 3 weeks of working#but i am excited after having a numerous good attempts in the kitchen last few days#so maybe tmrw i can come home early do some kitchen stuff#i wanted to go to the park but i feel i should do this first#usually i would say just go to the park bc fuck chores but this chore will make me feel better and improve quality of life#meal prep spend less money less consumerism better mental health#and clean kitchen means more food at home more nutritious and also tastier bc i can adjust flavors and balance it#i'll still go to the park just not the big one
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medicinemane · 3 months
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Man, I'm just kind of dazed today
I woke up yesterday around 9am, didn't do much for the day, went to bed... realized it was too hot to fall asleep (cause my window is broken so I can't open it)
So I got up, filled 3 box with papers as I sorted out the magazines and mail
Then I needed to stay up till after 8am so I could go to the post office to return that bowl. Came back and laid down but... you know when your body just feels wired and you really need to sleep but can't? Probably cause it's pumping out hormones to keep me awake to compensate for me being so tired, that's my guess based on how it feels
Anyway, lay down and kind of drift off with a video in the background, but... I think I was just on the verge of sleep but not able to cross over... like dozing at best
Then I hear Bart making noise and look over and he's acting like he's hunting a mouse, and sure enough he was, so he helps me cup it, and then I go take it to a field outside of town to hopefully live a better life... but clearly wasn't sleeping if I'm doing that
And... I'm still up. I think I'm gonna try and take another crack at sleeping... I hope I can do it. Things do at least feel a bit cooler
But yeah, I'm a mess today, gonna be two days worth of dash to look through whenever I get up, and then I can also respond to the couple messages I've got
But oof... hate feeling like this. The non depressed part of me wants to die just because maybe then I could finally rest
#for the record not even feeling that suicidal today; not sure if I'm too tired for it or if I'm just in an ok mood for once#but fuck do I just want to shut off and never have to boot up again; but now and in general#I relate to Bilbo and Frodo talking about being stretched thin... I feel something similar... you know... most of the time#strip the depression aside and I'm tired... and I don't know if any amount of rest will cure it... I don't know if I can truly rest#got a lot of things I want to do; whole lot of skills I want to pick up#but... having to be the parent my whole life; never actually getting a proper break... I'm so tired#my trip to Phoenix was the closest to a break I've gotten; but... there was a set activity in a set time frame#...it still kinda feels like I should have found a way to squeeze more out of it; you know? like as an obligation#not cause I minded how things actually went... but it just felt like I shouldn't have been at the hotel on the couch; should have been out#and then a 3 day window with stressful travel on either side of it... hard to really relax like that#obviously I had a fairly bad breakdown there; one of the few times I was actually at serious risk... not sure if I'd have managed it#don't trust myself to have the nerve to kill myself; but I very much did have a method... if I hadn't had someone to go see the next day#might have just gone ahead with it#but anyway; other than dinner with my friend their friend group and showers... I'm not sure I relaxed there either#I think... I think sleeping was more a maintenance obligation and I sprung up like when I set an alarm#(I so rarely set alarms and almost always wake up a couple minutes before them; it felt like that for 3 days straight)#so... truthfully I don't know if... if I've ever really rested#mhh... no joke; the last time that comes to mind that I didn't feel like I had to be kind of on#was when I was 13 on a school trip; and I'd taken a surf board to the back of the head while being rescued from a rip tide#and so people were worried about me; and I was just kind of laying there relaxing while people played cards and stuff nearby#...mhh... anyway... in less of a mood to say it's a shame I didn't just drown; so I suppose that's something#but... I don't even know what I'm saying; I'm so tired in the lack of sleep sense#and also physically and emotionally or... whatever#well... take care#mm tag so i can find things later
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exopelagic · 4 months
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I know the world is cruel because I finally wanna draw again and yet I am forced to pack :(
#I’m actually looking forward to this summer which is wild#okay I mean like. I’m home for half and then back here for half for internship#8 weeks is a very nice amount of time to be doing smth that you’re kinda looking forward to but nervous about bc it’s long but not That long#I can put up with shit for 8 weeks on either side#but I have plans!! I have volunteering and coding my supervisor sent me to deal with while I’m home#and I NEED the break so bad oh my god#and then back for internship is only 4 days a week so I’ll get a good chunk of free time#I wanna get into Actual Exercise which I’ll be able to do hopefully when I’m back and then can see how that works for when uni starts again#bc my friend has offered to help me w stuff which is cool as hell of him#and the internship is smth not directly science so it’s a test run for Doing Other Stuff#which I’m rlly looking forward to actually? I need to know what Else is out there and I think I’ll actually really enjoy this#I have a feeling this summer is going to be a time of Figuring Shit Out bc I mean. for a start there’s a lot I gotta start figuring out#but also will be hopefully some of the least stressful few months I’ve had in forever#like I get to go home and not deal with any major school pressure. and then come back and have regular schedule#which returns me to being a person while doing smth interesting AND not dealing with home stuff#yknow it’s kinda wild actually but now that I have a task (packing) I’m feeling a little more like a person. but that might also be the#actually talking to my friends more recently/going outside. who can tell. man I always forget how much I need physical stuff#thoughts are a little disjointed here bc this draft decided to disappear and reappear 3 hours later but! I’m actually feeling decent now#which is messed up I’ve never been okay about going home for summer before. still wanna draw though. maybe tonight if I have time#oh man I get results for bachelors in like 2 weeks. that’s a slight damper. but the hardest part of my degree is done now#the next year of my life should be nicer!! at the very least the next few months will probably be pretty nice or at least manageable so!#beating the lingering grip of depression back with a stick we’re DONE with that now thank you#luke.txt
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the-bluestreak-cat · 5 months
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Listen, being a hypochondriac really is helping me improve my life
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