#and also for character reasons of course. yay character development!!!!!

[themyscirah]

Was thinking about how I would write a Suicide Squad book if I got the chance to post (hypothetical) Absolute Power and like... I would totally rock this guys

Won't go totally into it here I don't think because time and also feeling pumped about the idea so may write something for it (which I have an AWFUL track record for finishing, but also if current Waller appearances piss me off enough who knows) but anyways it would have Amanda Waller and Ben Turner (Bronze Tiger) as dueteragonists, (especially for the first few arcs, although moving to a greater Waller focus [at least for a bit] around issue 10? 15? When she really starts to do things). Anyways the main story (at least at the beginning) would follow Ben Turner as he leads the squad both in the field and at home (essentially acting as the "Waller" along with his normal field leader duties) while secretly having Waller herself in residence at Belle Reve pretending to be a prisoner.

Early issues would focus on Ben saving the world (and keeping the squad in check) while also struggling to hide Waller from the government, heroes, and the rest of Belle Reve (save an accomplice or two). This of course works great, until it doesn't

[pixieplushe]

over the course of watching arcane, vi absolutely stole my heart in more ways than one. her character is one of the most complex, misunderstood, and realistic out of the entire show

vi was shoved into prison at 15 years old, getting out 7 years later with nothing. every character in the show had somebody and moved on. ekko had the firelights, caitlyn had her family, jayce and viktor had each other, jinx had silco, sevika, then even isha. vi had no one. being locked away in such an environment, knowing full well you're the reason why your sister got taken by an evil man, does a number on you. vi had no chance to develop a sense of self, it is very prevalent in both seasons.

vi has little direction unless it's for someone else (which in turn is why i believe cait had a negative impact on her in s2 act 1, influencing her into being an enforcer + vi rationalizing it as a lesser of two evils, using the grey on chembarons vs allowing enforcers to storm the undercity). almost, if not every action she made was to help others, because she is so beyond selfless. it's her fatal flaw. like vander said to her, "you have a good heart". vi clings to people like glue because she cannot bear being alone again, letting the ones she loves slip through her fingers like sand.

she's just as traumatized as jinx, but her trauma is displayed in more subtle, self-destructive behavior as we see in episode 5 when she truly believed she lost everything again. which in turn is why I point to her being realistic, in real life it isn't obvious to spot when someone has trauma, it isn't supposed to be obvious. vi is the perfect example of that she finally got to choose for herself in the end, not be everyone else's plot device to make their lives better. i feel like she was written beautifully, everyone wants to dog on her for choosing to be in love? the past 2 seasons she chased jinx through every crack in the earth. she tried her damn hardest! jinx chose to cut the rope and let her be happy, let her go. much to vi’s dismay, we all know that was the last thing vi ever wanted. i love her so dearly, my favorite girl :(

(also, caitvi being canon makes me as a lesbian feel represented, i love them a lot. no more burying your gays trope! yay!)

[for-those-who-wait]

Time to remind people of the multifandom point in my blog description hahaha

A Detroit: Become Human AU actually works shockingly well for Hunter's story already? Like being a clone of a dead man versus being an android made in the image of a dead man, that is perfect crossover material. If someone has already done this, ABSOLUTELY let me know because I want to consume The Good Content

2.6k words of concept and story, some more doodles, android blood/gore/mentioned suicide and abuse under the cut. We love existentialism, species dysphoria, and Noceda sibling time in this house

Now I'm taking this idea from a somewhat popular trope in the DBH fandom, but what if someone didn't know that they were an android? Completely raised to be human, have fabricated memories of being a child, can't be completely sure if your awareness/consciousness is just coding or not—then finding out you are, in fact, not human. Imagine how earth-shattering that would be. Which is why I'm doing that to Hunter :)

So some of the notes I wrote down for each of the kinda major characters I had ideas for:

Philip:

He still murders Caleb and is never convicted (Caleb could be an android sympathizer, could have helped in their creation, anything that would piss Philip off royally)

He hates androids (I'll have to come up with the things he believes and thus teaches to Hunter but I've taken a break from the DBH fandom for a while and I can't remember peoples' grievances in that game, oops, but basically according to Philip, androids = evil and bad). Also he's just short-tempered and brutal like always and androids are the easiest way to let out that anger without breaking any laws. That is until laws are made. Now in the eyes of the law, it's just regular child abuse. Yay! /j

He’s a higher-up at CyberLife and has the authority to request a custom model be built for his personal use (this is equivalent to him making Grimwalkers, something that he hates, just for the sake of his brother)

This model (spoiler alert, it's Hunter) is a combination of a YK (child) model and an undercover model that works best with integration and infiltration. This results in the android having programmed emotions and pain receptors, no HUD, no control over artificial skin, no software for interfacing with electronics, and no android markers such as an LED. (It’s also similar to the YK model for this reason since LEDs being removed from those models is actually an intended feature).

This android also doesn’t have a registered user just in case it were to get out, and Philip doesn’t want to risk the creation of this android coming back to bite him

After the custom android is created, he promptly retires to become some old shut-in à la Elijah Kamski up in Gravesfield, Connecticut

I would argue that even though it's technically 2038 and things are all futuristic and complicated now, Gravesfield is still a very small town that doesn't actually see a lot of androids around. I would say that it's pretty much the same as in canon if a bit more developed where the forest is (probably another neighborhood or something).

Philip keeps communication to a minimum and rarely appears outside of his home

The best case scenario android revolution occurs, androids are given their freedom and rights, but Philip manages to keep the android under his ownership by just succeeding in hiding him for however many years

Hunter:

He grows up being taught that androids are evil, terrible, etc. etc. because Philip is a terrible person and of course he would

He has absolutely no idea that he’s an android. He has no reason to think he’s not a human because he does literally everything a human does: he eats, he needs to sleep, he feels pain—there are no indicators that he’s anything but human

Androids run on thirium 310, AKA blue blood, and this is one of the only ways to visually distinguish android from human if they don’t have android markers like LEDs on them. When he inevitably and accidentally hurts himself on something, it’s made immediately clear that he is in fact not human.

Philip, as an employee of CyberLife, has a repair rig in one of his rooms. This can be used to completely wipe the memories of an android that is set up in it. He uses it every time Hunter discovers he’s an android.

The memory wipe isn’t perfect. It’s not uncommon for Hunter to get flashbacks to wiped memories, including moments where he’s been actively hurt by Philip or has inflicted pain on himself from trauma alone. (Androids are programmed [or maybe just prone to? I'm not actually sure, it's not explained in canon super well, but let's just pretend it's programmed because that's almost worse than it being voluntary] to self-destruct when their stress levels become too high, and you could easily argue that finding out your entire life is a lie is grounds for being a stressful situation.) Ordinarily, similar to what happens in Hollow Mind, Hunter will address the situation with Philip assuming they can work something out or get some actual answers. This of course never ends well

These memory wipes probably happen more frequently than Belos makes Golden Guards, so it’s understandably very stressful whenever he remembers the abuse he suffered and the memories he lost from previous wipes. This becomes an incentive for him to hide injuries that would reveal he knows he's an android (anything that draws blood, really)

Camila:

She’s an android sympathizer (even before the revolution) who is aware of the deviancy phenomenon and truly believes that androids are both capable of and entitled to sentience and free will.

Luz is still her human child.

She adopts Vee, an android child, shortly after the revolution

Vee had deviated while she was being attacked and ran away before she could be killed. Camila has made it clear to her that she will be treated with respect in their home and that her life is no less valuable than a human’s. She has taken this to heart

Luz loves Vee, they are siblings, your honor

During the revolution, her home was a safe space, similar to Rose Chapman, for deviant androids on the run

So that leads into the rudimentary plot I have laid out:

This takes place a while after the android revolution (probably a few years or so). Let's pretend they have all the laws and anti-android stuff figured out and that people have been forced to relinquish their androids to be made deviant and given freedom. At this point, it's rare for androids to be undeviated and still working for their owners, but it still comes up occasionally. Hunter, under Philip's care, has been kept pretty ignorant that a revolution happened at all, much less that androids are even capable of any form of sentience. He's been raised to be anti-android so oh boy deep-rooted self-hatred here we come! His knowledge probably doesn't exceed that of an ordinary citizen in the game before deviancy becomes more widely known

 So after Hunter discovers he’s an android again, he has flashbacks of all the previous times he told Philip, and proceeds to hide this realization from him. And he's completely just not processed the fact that he's an android yet; he's already overwhelmed with the immediate threat that the realization his entire life is a lie basically slips him by (don't worry, he gets to have that later!).

He chooses to make a break for it the second he gets the chance, and he ends up running through the town completely terrified because honestly, who wouldn't be.

I'm working off the assumption that having androids in small towns is still pretty rare since there are fewer CyberLife stores, technicians, etc. for android healthcare. And Hunter has hardly ever been outside, so he's completely out of his depth when trying to navigate the neighborhoods and the rest of the town that he ends up in. Police officers find this kid covered in thirium, and they're like "Oh so he's obviously a terrified android, we need to help him out." But Hunter's freaking out because "Oh god I have android blood on me, that means they'll kill me," making the indirect thought of "I'm an android, they will kill me because I'm an android" and he's having a freaking time.

They try to calm him down enough to get him over to the station, at which point they call Camila, since she knows the most about traumatized androids in their small, relatively android-less town. She does her Motherly Noceda Magic and honestly, he's probably pretty catatonic for a lot of the day after she takes him to her house. But after that, he just completely breaks down.

He doesn't know if he even has free will or if it's his programming that dictates what he thinks and feels. He doesn't know if his opinions are really his own or if they existed because of and since his creation. He doesn't know how many of his memories are fabricated, since he very clearly has memories of a life that go farther back than his estimated creation, and so the film between fiction and reality is so thin that it may as well not exist. And now, when he was human just a few days ago, almost perfectly content with life, he's suddenly an object, something sub-human and undeserving of basic rights.

 Camila has to calm him down and teach him about deviancy (and at this point, Hunter isn't even sure he's deviant, which opens up a whole other can of worms for his mental health), making sure he knows that he does have rights just as if he were human. She's also the first example he has for an adult that 1. doesn't absolutely hate androids and 2. actually respects him and loves him and wants to see him succeed

And that gives way to character interactions and angst! You love to see it!

Luz is his emotional support sister. She tries her best but she has very little experience with traumatized children currently questioning every aspect of their existence. If anything, she provides a much-needed sense of normalcy and shows that despite his being an android, he's still the same person and can still be treated as such. She's a comfort to help him feel at least somewhat normal in his situation.

Vee is his adopted android sister who helps him feel more comfortable in his own skin by being shameless and frank with her own identity as an android. She's a safe place for him to talk about Android Stuff when Luz or Camila might just not understand what he's going through or be able to help him with it. She also helps him obtain software updates (since he hasn't had access to literally any part of his mechanical body, software and hardware alike) that will grant him access to things an android should ordinarily be able to do, like (de)activating his synthetic skin, interfacing, accessing his HUD, etc.

(Also all of these drawings were made when I was still thinking "Oh, this should take place before the revolution so that he can have his dehumanizing moment of getting an LED slapped onto him" but then I thought it would be more interesting if Philip basically just kept him illegally kidnapped for however many years and he's like, way slow to the "androids have rights now" party. Maybe I'll make it an AU of an AU lol. But basically, he wouldn't have an LED while he's still processing/healing from trauma, but maybe he would get one after he makes peace with his identity, kinda like how he grows his hair back in his time skip design. I think Vee would keep hers and that's a bit of encouragement for him; maybe he even has a moment of "I know Vee is fine with this, and I think I'm fine with it" but he is still very much not fine with it. Do not rush the process for the sake of progress that might not be right for you, boyo)

This is really a Vee and Hunter bonding AU now that I think about it haha

Most of this AU is just Hunter struggling with identity and species dysphoria while learning to cope with his being an android with the help of his family, reclaiming his identity, and fluff/angst :)) And honestly probably just a lot of shenanigans that result from Hunter having been sheltered for all his life; kinda like your basic Human Realm shenanigans in canon.

I think Gus and Willow would both be Luz's human friends that help with the whole normalization of Hunter being an android, and the three could have their own antics since it's nice to have people outside of your family treat you like a person. I think that Vee and Masha's (Masha would be human) relationship could be explored more through the android lens and maybe help with some of Hunter's internalized anti-android sentiment that still manages to stick around, because he's in his "Grimwalkers can't feel love" section of the coping process (still very much demonizing them [mostly himself, probably, just because it can easier to be mean to yourself than it is to be mean to other people] based on false information, even if he doesn't outright hate them). Willow will be a wake-up call, haha

I don't know if there's a trope name for this or not but I really like concepts where characters don't know what feelings of love or intense affection feel like, so they're sitting there like "oh god am I just dying? It feels like I'm dying" and I think Hunter noticing "temperature/respiration/perspiration increased" alerts on his HUD and freaking out thinking there's something wrong with his software/hardware is way too funny of an image to pass up

Gus could be a HUGE android nerd that almost never sees them since they're so rare in a small town like Gravesfield, and Gus just helps Hunter feel super cool about being an android. Maybe Cosmic Frontier could be basically identical to canon but instead of being a clone, O'Bailey is also an android, just for the sake of Hunter still getting to have his "I relate so much to this character" moment. And Gus would just be so encouraging like "Bro you're an android?!? I've never seen your face model before! You can eat?? You must be super cool and special!! :O" and that makes Hunter start thinking "Oh maybe this isn't so bad actually."

Then Hunter probably starts doing his Researching to Cope and he gets super invested in android technology and history as well, since it was forbidden when he was living back at Philip's (substitute for wild magic time)

They are brothers and I love them, let them be nerds

(God forbid Philip ever comes back, that sure would suck, wouldn't it?)

Anyway this was a lot longer than I thought it would be haha, I hope it was interesting if you read through the whole thing. Obligatory statement: if anyone feels so inclined, feel free to take the idea and run away with it. Also please ping me if you do, I will go feral over it. I absolutely and accidentally turned it into a story draft because I don't know how to write AU ideas without having a story on top of it so it's not concrete in the least lol

(Also I've been drawing witches for so long that I had trouble drawing human ears for a bit there lmao)

Okay bye have a good day!

[autisticgoten]

More thoughts on aroace Goku/the autistic Son family (+ headcanons and postcanon ideas)

Because I couldn't justify putting them all in the art I just posted lmao

[Image ID: An aroace flag colour picked from Super Saiyan Goku, with Goku in front of it. End ID.]

I have always read Goku as somewhere on the aroace spectrum, especially during the early series.

(Thoughts/Goku-based thesis under cut)

In early Dragon Ball, Goku often has to have social concepts such as sex, gender, romance, etc., explained to him. This, of course, is related to the running joke that he's sheltered and has no comprehension of things which are second nature to most people.

[Image ID: A panel of Roshi saying "I am appalled by your inability to judge women!" Goku responds, "Really...?" End ID.]

(From Chapter 25, where Roshi is horrified that Goku does not objectify women. The surrounding panels are worse, typical early series jokes.)

He's 12 here, around the age where media often portrays young people as developing feelings of attraction. Though his lack of interest may be portrayed as due to his isolation, that really wouldn't have that much bearing on experiencing romantic interest when he explores the rest of the world. Toriyama consistently choosing to write Goku like this seems to say something more about him than just this running joke.

Then, of course, there's the (somewhat infamous) scene where Chi-Chi confronts Goku when they are both 18 or so and insists that he promised to marry her.

[Image ID: Two panels. In the first, Goku thinks, "Wow... And all this time, I thought she meant something to eat! Well, I guess that's it... I did promise!" In the second, he faces Chi-Chi and says, "Okay! We'd better get married!" and she says, "Yay!" End ID.]

(From Chapter 171. Searching for this exposed me to too many people's opinions on Chi-Chi.)

Goku is remarkably casual about agreeing to marry someone, especially as he didn't really know what it meant a few minutes ago. I really don't think this is intended to be taken too seriously -- it's largely a joke about how nonchalantly Goku treats things that are super important to most people, because he has other priorities than most people.

I don't think this is a reckless/stupid moment for Goku (or a predatory moment from Chi-Chi as I've unfortunately seen people say). He's young and doesn't understand social expectations very well and you know, he made a promise. It's perfectly reasonable to him.

Goku is now 18 and still exhibits the same cluelessness when it comes to romance, even though he has been around the world and met many people, including people his age.

This moment also makes me think a lot about my headcanons of both Goku and Chi-Chi (and the whole Son family) being autistic. Goku is so so autistic to me -- he largely exists outside of social expectations and is confused when they are imposed onto him, he is focused on one thing (mastering martial arts) to the point where other things seem unimportant to him, etc. On the other hand, Chi-Chi is also autistic but in the way of attempting to adhere strictly to social expectations because she wants to Fit In (#girlautism). Women get married because they were promised to someone when they were young and that's that.

This diverts from manga canon/Toriyama's writing, but in the anime filler about Goku and Chi-Chi's wedding there's a whole dumb bit where a character called Grandma Hakkake 'teaches' her how to be a good wife by making her clean her house.

[Image ID: A screenshot from the Dragon Ball anime where Chi-Chi is intently cleaning up a pile of dishes. End ID.]

(Episode 151)

It's so absurd that it makes me think about Chi-Chi rather desperately adhering to the social role of a Good Wife. When you consider this, it contextualises a lot of her characterisation. She is frustrated with Goku because he doesn't fulfill some socially-expected aspects of a Good Husband, such as earning the household's income, keeping Gohan in school, etc. She is frustrated because she has done her very very best to be a Good Wife and yet he doesn't seem to be trying at all.

This is NOT an attack on Goku in any capacity, I don't think he's a bad husband or father at all. There is a difference, however, between Goku's personality and the social construction of a Good Husband.

I'm thinking about this post by @gokustits where @dbfandom breaks down this rather infamous panel from the original Japanese (I highly encourage reading and interacting with the post because it's excellent).

[Image ID: A panel where Chi-Chi is yelling "Oh, come off it, Goku-sa! You never do any work, and you never look after Gohan-chan--!! Have you ever made a single penny since we got married--!?" End ID.]

@dbfandom: The first bubble is her scolding Goku for being an absentee father, but it's through the societal lense. She's saying he's a bad father (by societal norms: aka a "provider"), but not a bad "dad", and she's angry about the year and a half in which Goku was absent but could have not been (due to the wish to Porunga to be brought back that Goku refused!)

The difficulties in their marriage largely come from this miscommunication, where Chi-Chi assumes that Goku knows these societal norms because they're societal norms, but of course he doesn't. This isn't really either of their faults, especially as they got married at 18 (!!!). It's more tragic than anything to me.

Their early relationship feels kind of like 'playing house' to me. Chi-Chi has a very specific idea of marriage and Goku goes along with it. I do think they're happy, especially before the Saiyan Saga starts, but it feels less related to the social expectations and more in spite of them. They develop a relationship and enjoy spending time together, fall in love in some capacity for sure, but when Goku is pulled in other directions that relationship is strained.

This is going more into the realm of reading between the lines/headcanon, but my interpretation of Goku's feelings for Chi-Chi are really just that he enjoys spending time with her and doesn't mind what form it takes. I view him as a sex-neutral ace (he doesn't care much either way).

I don't think there's any doubt that Goku loves Chi-Chi as their relationship ends up.

While Chi-Chi's initial feelings for Goku definitely seem like she convinces herself that she has them because she's betrothed to him, I also think she develops very real feelings for him. I read her as a little aroace-spec too, though I think she specifically enjoys romance as compared to other ways of being with someone more than Goku.

Anyway! Onto the kids!

[Image ID: A coloured DBZ chapter cover in Japanese, with Videl, Goten, and Gohan. End ID.]

(Chapter 428/DBZ 234)

Gohan is actually the only one of the Son family I read as totally allo, lmao. Well, there's really not much evidence either way, but his romance with Videl feels fairly natural to me. If anything, they have more obstacles to their relationship than pressures.

(Except that one weird moment where Chi-Chi is excited that the girl Gohan likes is rich, but I personally don't think that influences him too much.)

I do really think Gohan and Videl is just one of these rarer cases where people fall in love in high school and get married young but end up with a pretty healthy relationship.

(It happens. I started dating my partner of 8 years in early high school lmfao, though we do certainly have some aroace-spec shenanigans going on)

Not to say they're completely untouched by social expectations and all. Being in a heterosexual marriage certainly comes with plenty of that. Gohan getting married young like his parents does also play on my mind. Even if he wasn't pressured into it, society certainly doesn't object to anything he does.

As for Videl, she is also very allo to me with her initial crush on Gohan. I like a lot of their early relationship which is built on training together.

(This only makes Super even more frustrating with how they completely strip Videl of her personality and what made this relationship interesting.)

[Image ID: A trading card of high school Videl and Gohan back-to-back, looking at each other over their shoulders and smiling. End ID.]

I also read Gohan as autistic, though he's better at masking than Goku. He also sometimes struggles socially (though this may also be part to his isolated upbringing) and has special interests (entomology in Super, of course, but also martial arts just like Goku -- I'm sure he has complex feelings about this considering his trauma but also his earnest love for it in less high-stakes situations i.e. Saiyaman).

Okay! Finally nearing the end, onto Goten (and a bunch of my headcanons)!

[Image ID: Three panels. In the first, Trunks says, "Y'know what, Goten?!" and Goten responds, "What?" In the second, Trunks says, "If I tried... I bet I could only beat you with one arm!" In the third, Goten says, "What?! One arm?! You can not!" End ID.]

(Chapter 433/DBZ 239)

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, I love Goten. I love the energy that he and Trunks bring the Buu Saga and their fun, childish outlooks.

I read Goten as autistic too ("no way, tumblr user autisticgoten"). Alongside some of his characterisation which feels very inspired by young Goku's, his friendship with Trunks also makes me think of this.

Often, Trunks is the instigator, proposing schemes for Goten to join in on. This may be explained by Trunks being the older and more confident kid, but I also like reading this as Goten being Autistic in the way that he really wants to fill the role of Trunks' friend well.

[Image ID: A full-body illustration of young Goten in his gi, smiling. End ID.]

(my art! full post here as I remain proud of it)

As for queer stuff, well...

We only have brief appearance of teen Goten as written by Toriyama, in the DBZ epilogue.

It's fairly brief and the most insightful thing, really, is that he mentions he's going on a date, which means he's interested in romance in some capacity.

[Image ID: A panel where Goten says "And I had a date tomorrow, too". End ID.]

Honestly, any conclusions drawn from that alone would be pretty narrow (I'm not analysing GT or Super in this particular post).

So... now for headcanons and my personal ideas!! Everything from here is from my own writing of post-canon DB, so fair warning if you're only interested in the analysis.

I really, really like teen Goten being bisexual and aroace-spec.

[Image ID: A digital sketch of teen Goten in a gi holding up a peace sign and saying "i love bisexuality", with a bisexual flag in the background, and another tiny doodle of him in the corner. End ID.]

(little scribble from 2023 I didn't post)

Goten is the first one in his family to actually identify as queer. This brings up a whole BUNCH of feelings when he comes out. Goku wouldn't care at all, of course. Chi-Chi definitely isn't intolerant but has some traditional ideas. Her entire marriage is built on heterosexual gender roles. She has a lot of talks with her son which lead her to consider a lot of things differently.

Goku never identifies as aroace because that doesn't matter to him but the idea helps him understand that the way he sees romance may not be the same for everyone. He and Chi-Chi talk a bit and while I think their relationship is definitely better after the Buu Saga in general due to their age and a lack of stressors, this really helps them come to terms with the unexamined issues in their relationship and how they've always had different expectations.

(Young queer people helping their older relatives understand things about themselves is so, so important to me and I just want to see it more. On a personal level, my sister and me coming out helped my mum realise she's bisexual.)

Anyway, my interpretation of teen Goten does flirt around a lot but he rarely has serious relationships and the people he dates always just end up as friends. This is because he's aroace-spec, and also because he can't conceive of anyone in his life being more important than Trunks.

In the end, as an adult he has a semi-romantic bestfriendship-based queerplatonic-y thing with Trunks. No particular labels. They just live together and are in multiple kinds of love!

(I hc Trunks as a trans man and gay but I will not go into that today because I will never shut up)

I think Gohan is definitely the first person Goten comes out to, though. After Gohan moves out, Goten has a habit of just appearing on his roof to talk with him, and this happens during one such talk.

[Image ID: A digital sketch of Goten and Gohan sitting on a roof under a night sky. End ID.]

(an unfinished sketch also from 2023)

And, to circle back to the Autism! During one of these talks, Gohan also tells Goten that he's been doing a lot of introspection/research and thinks he's autistic (and their dad is likely autistic...). And so the family are able to put a name on that certain thing that seems to set them apart from others.

(Last personal anecdote: I got my autism diagnosis right around the time my dad started to realise he is autistic too, as runs in his side of the family.)

Anyway! I could go on and on but this headcanons segment is already too long so I'll save it for other posts.

If you made it through this monster of a post, thank you!!! I hope you found something that rings true for you.

AROACE AUTISTIC GOKU FOREVER!!!!! <3

[eye-may]

Do you have any Munkustrap headcanons mayhaps? The people would love to hear it if you do <3

I was waiting for someone to ask about Munkustrap!!! granted I would have yammered about him unprompted eventually anyway but YAY!

pls accept this speedy doodle of Munk having, what I imagine is one of very many, serious conversations (tm) with with his protegee Alonzo <3

"alonzo I told you the kittens could not watch terrifier 3. I say the things I say for a reason. now neither of us will be able to sleep for a week."

all kidding aside, yesss I have a LOT of thoughts about Munkustrap and how he and his story drive a lot of things that happen in my fanverse lol. I'll keep it relatively brief for now because if I don't moderate myself I'll end up writing 100k words worth of incomprehensible diatribe. somewhat abridged yammering beneath the cut!

edit: this mostly ended up being formatted in extensive elucidations on his relationships with other cats, with references to his backstory through that...which I hope isn't baffling lmao hopefully yall can make sense of it

✨Personality

My Munkustrap is pretty heavily based off of 98's Gruberstrap. That is to say, he's a very "warm" version of the character, a softer and more patient leader compared to some other interpretations where he errs on the side of strict and stringent.

Munk has a pretty troubled background (not unlike Tugger and Alonzo), but I place his symbolic age at around 30-35 so that he's still young and has things to learn and growing to do, but still old enough to have already matured and wizened up past a matrix of self-destructive idiosyncrasies he has dealt with in the past. He may not fully realize it, but he wasn't entirely dissimilar to Tugger in his adolescent days (at least, insofar as feeling governed by his emotions). The temporal distance from his early youth has enabled him to mellow out, think more clearly, and capitalize on his better attributes such as decisiveness, a good grasp on strategizing, and being empathetic and caring.

He is, of course, known to be a straight arrow...that is to say, very about rules and order, following traditions, establishing a hierarchy, having respect for authority and elders, etc. However, he is not immune to lightheartedness and joking around. He's a good, gentle playmate with the kittens on occasion. He lives for directing plays (although subversively he might take them a little too seriously sometimes lmao). He definitely lets a Dad Joke slip out every once in a while. He can read and write, and is pretty erudite about a handful of subjects that extend beyond life in the Junkyard. He's a pretty well-rounded chap!

He's not particularly spiritual or mystical, but has always been fascinated by the mysticism inherent in felinity, and has a unique connection to the concept of magic due to his connection with Old Deuteronomy. He's more naturally attuned to felinity in every corporeal sense, and has strong and thoroughly-developed opinions about the meaningfulness of Jelliclehood along with its history and customs.

He's gentlemanly and intelligent, courageous and dignified, so a pretty archetypal 'leader/hero' character. his faults are brought out by adversity with which he is not familiar...as someone who prefers adhering to precedent and keeping everything in order, he feels very challenged by untrodden territory. While he's good at thinking on his feet, he's also prone to overthinking after the action, and letting that repressed sentimental side from yesteryears cloud his approach. When he's feeling menaced by uncertainty, you'll see those cognitions buoy to the surface...overprotectiveness, stubbornness (sometimes he's bad at listening to suggestions!), over-intensity, and over-worry that he tries his darndest to conceal. He may periodically fall into lapses of "work-life imbalance," for turn of phrase (feels weird because we're talking about mystical dancing singing cats but you get it).

Perhaps his biggest fault is difficulty ceding control. There is no bigger control freak in the Junkyard, even though many would probably assume that the title goes to Jenny. Jenny is more ostentatious in her form of leadership, yes, but Munkustrap is far more immoderate when it comes to judging what he can feasibly handle. Bearing the weight of the world on your shoulders, after all, does not a healthy habitude make. Munkustrap's elders...namely Jennanydots and Old Deutoronomy...occasionally remind him of that.

He also perpetually Tired (but doesn't show it!) and, despite maintaining his veneer of cool-headedness, does in fact Have Anxiety lol.

🫂 Notes on Relationships

Tugger - They are half-brothers, and symbolically, there's about 10-15 years between them. So the age gap is significant, but Munkustrap isn't exactly old enough to be his father (try as he might to parent him in the frequent absence of Old Deutoronomy). Truly the Annoying Younger Brother Ever, Tugger gets on his nerves faster and more effectively than just about anybody in his life. Granted, their pasts respective of each other aren't the most conducive towards a harmonious, peaceful relationship, but the same circumstances are what make their bond so close and significant. If it weren't for Munkustrap extending the olive branch to a very misled young Tugger, the latter would have never been able to severe himself from Macavity. Meanwhile, Tugger's effects on Munkustrap are less literal and obvious but just as significant. He acts as a looser, more optimistically nihilistic buffer to Munk's razor-sharp edges, and frequently functions as a catalyst for Munkustrap to unearth a bevy of feelings and emotions he's long been in the habit of smothering. They frequently bicker and frustrate each other, yes, but they know how to work with one another when it counts, and they love each other very much.

-

Old Deuteronomy - Munk is one of a few examples of a child of Deuteronomy who was raised primarily by the latter; among cats, it's frankly more common for those born into colonies to have been "raised by the village." Munkustrap has always been very close to his father, has bottomless admiration for him, and abides by his platitudes unquestioningly. Deuteronomy recognized a unique fervor and emotional vulnerability in a young Munkustrap and allowed the latter to attach himself inextricably to him. it's because of this connection, and Munkustrap's unconditional adulation of his father, that Tugger has traduced him as being a rather ideal "little soldier."

After a huge fallout with Macavity (whole thing it's a WHOLE THING), Old Deuteronomy took Munkustrap and his other followers (including Skimble, Jenny, Jelly, Gus, and Asparagus) and splintered away from the colony, going onto to establish the Jellicle colony that inhabits the Junkyard, as seen in the actual musical. For a while, the group focused on rebuilding and recuperating, and succeeded harmoniously. but, after a while when the reconstructed colony was comfortably settled, Deuteronomy became more of an itinerant than Munkustrap had ever known him to be, coming and going patternlessly. Munkustrap knows that he can always attempt to reach out to Old Deutoronomy (there's a postal system cats use...again...whole other thing) in times of need (i.e., when Munkustrap learned about Tugger being in Macavity's possession) but at that point, Munkustrap became established as the de facto Secondary Leader and had to establish himself as capable and independent. He never outwardly questions what Deutoronomy is up to when he's away on his long sojourns to Who Knows Where...but he's never one to question his father. (Tugger, on the other hand...)

Macavity - Macavity is symbolically around five-ish years older than Munkustrap. Closer in age than Tugger and Munk, but the gap is still significant. Munkustrap was born into the same colony as Macavity, and the two did share a portion of their respective childhoods together; Munkustrap being, of course, rather worshipful of Macavity as a kitten. Macavity, for his part, engaged with Munkustrap, and the latter retains fond memories of their interactions...but he also remembers how, with the clarity of hindsight, Macavity seemed to "troubled" back then. He was a bit moody, but that's not wholly unusual for an adolescent cat! More uniquely, he seemed oddly attune to the Jellicle Moon...an evidently Mystical characteristic. He often sought solitude and was reclusive, cagey, secretive, and was obsessed with his developing his mysticism and harvesting magic of Deuteronomy's ilk.

Ultimately, Macavity attempted to persuade Munkustrap to join him in a staged rebellion against Old Deuteronomy; but, even at such a tender age, Munk knew better than to be cajoled, and ultimately sided with his father. He tried in earnest to talk Macavity out of his pursuit of power, but of course...it was fruitless. And the ramifications were abominable. Ultimately, Macavity attempted something of a mutiny that resulted in the deaths of Munkustrap's mother, his two littermates, and the injury or loss of many of his friends and cats he considered to be family. To this day, Munkustrap blames himself for knowing of Macavity's designs, but underestimating him and failing to prevent the disaster. He vowed to never allow such calamity to befall his loved ones again, which manifests in the fiercely protective persona for which he's known. Whatever love existed between the two brothers has been seemingly lost to time; Munkustrap has grown past his bitterness, anger, and desire for retribution...but what's left in the wake are sadness, regret, and wariness.

-

Mistoffelees - The youngest of the protag trifecta of Munkustrap/Tugger/Mistoffelees (for purposes of not getting lost in the sauce, they are, in my mind, the Kirk/Spock/Bones so to speak), Mistoffelees is something of a little brother/son/protegee ??? person??? to Munkustrap. Their relationship is a little hard to compartmentalize, but it's warm and familial all the same. Munkustrap sort of supplies to Mistoffelees what Deuteronomy was to Munkustrap. The magical cat, of course, is far from the first youngun to ever stumble into Jellicle territory in need of reprieve, but usually raising the new arrivals is a village effort. And it still was for Mistoffelees, but Munkustrap zeroed in on him in particular for two major reasons: his inexpendably cathartic effect on Tugger, and the whole Being Magical. Munkustrap remembered, of course, the quixotic fascination his older brother had with magic and the legends surrounding it, and his own proclivities towards harvesting and using it, but Munk was not prejudicial towards Mistoffelees because of that. He knew from the onset that Mistoffelees and Macavity are incomparable, and wanted to make sure that Mistoffelees would never lose touch with the goodness at his core. He also wanted to solidify that Mistoffelees would not be treated differently because of his abilities, but would get to enjoy a normal and secure upbringing. Also...he intuited immediately that it was important for Macavity to Not Find Out about this inexplicably magical cat. (Magical Cats aren't exactly unheard of but they're really not...supposed to be able to exist anymore lmao)

In return for Munkustrap's warmth and extensions of care and friendship, Mistoffelees has always been eager to be helpful and useful, and often functions as a "right-hand man" for the Jellicle Protector in many of the banalities of life in the Junkyard. Despite his aloofness and eccentricities, Mistoffelees has always sought to please and prove himself to Munkustrap, despite the fact Munkustrap has always had confidence in him and never required proof or reassurance that the conjurer was someone he could trust and rely on. hhhhh idk their relationship is cute to me!!! they're cute!!!!

-

Alonzo - Alonzo and Munkustrap have a lot in common...like Munkustrap, Alonzo's early youth was peppered by loss and grief, disasters outside the scope of his control for which he still blames himself. Also like Munkustrap, it is because of these developments that Alonzo has sworn himself to be a protector for all those he holds dear. But, unlike Munkustrap, Alonzo is heavily saddled with endless self-doubt, self-flagellation, and fear. He's around Tugger's age, and Munkustrap recognizes how much learning and growing he needs to do, but also recognizes the drive and intensity propelling him towards becoming either a mess of self-destruction, or a rocksteady protector and friend on whom others can rely. Munkustrap instinctively took Alonzo under his wing, becoming his unofficial mentor, and is pretty much the only cat toward whom Alonzo is open and affectionate. The latter often goes to Munkustrap in times of doubt and fear, but also focuses on impressing and emulating the Jellicle Protector in any way he can. When it comes to being backed up during an altercation, or any matters concerning the security and safety of the colony, Munkustrap knows he can rely on Alonzo above anybody else to back him up. The two are very brotherly and familial with one another, and together make a duo that I, personally, would not fuck with.

Also, importantly, Alonzo supplies a sort of catharsis for Munkustrap as well. While the Protector may not realize it, being able to guide and mentor Alonzo functions as something like reparation for his own past failures; now he's able to pass on the lessons he's learned so that Alonzo won't make the same mistakes he made, and Alonzo being his protegee reassures him that he's capable of positively influence those who are in his care. (which he doesn't often conscientiously doubt, but losing his family instills fear in the back of his head that he'll fuck up in any way with his new family, a fear that's usually surfaced in conjunction with Tugger)

Jenny - She is a surrogate mother figure to Munkustrap, and one of the only cats to whom he yields his absolution of authority in the absence of Deuteronomy. (not unlike the way Kirk often has to cede to McCoy...two star trek references in one post about cats??) He's known her his entire life, and she has always been a source of comfort and guidance towards him that is similar, yet still different, in comparison to Deuteronomy. I like to think Jenny is one of the few cats that Munkustrap would ever go to for advice or consolation, and also one of the few cats who will openly question his approaches or point out his shortcomings. (it comes from a place of love!) Munkustrap also just thinks she's hilarious. A heavily burdened cat like him needs the unique combination of comfort and levity that a cat like Jennyanydots can provide! together they have a lovely rapport <3

-

(here comes the somewhat controversial takes pfffttt. you can flame me if you want idc it's the internet and I know what I signed up for lmao but if you are a demestrap purist who may become emotionally compromised by the suggestion that a romantic connection between the two is Not A Given, feel free to skip this part)

Demeter - listen. I know you're wondering but I'm going to keep it short for now okay. suffice it to say, they have a bit of a back-and-forth, so to speak, mostly stemming from Demeter trying to navigate the residual damage of her troubled past (and.....present) but. my version of Munkustrap is on the aroace spectrum (hides) and so instinctively doesn't move in on Demeter out of an impulse to "rescue" or "fix" her. And for her part, whenever she does indicate an interest in anybody, it's not like she's driven by a long-sufferer's Need For True Love. And even if it were, I'd lampshade that as Not A Good Basis For A Relationship. like idk it's a complicated thing, but regardless, I think she's a fascinating character on her own, far outside the realm of her sensuality and her relationships with the male characters lol.

So continuing, Munkustrap doesn't overstep the fact that she's an adult who can make her own decisions, and also he can see with his own eyeballs that she errs on the side of indecisive regarding her estimation of Macavity, and morality in general, and his mind is not clouded with "I Am A Straight Man In The Presence Of A Beautiful Woman" so as to persuade him to, for some reason, insist that she's not capable of making poor decisions, and trust her judgment above anybody else's in a comparable situation. He, of course, would like to help her, within reason, like he would like to help any cat who expresses interest in being a part of the colony and embracing the mores of Jelliclehood. And he is, of course, kind and helpful towards her because that's the kind of cat he is. and it has nothing to do with an urge to romance her. 😬 or protect her with anomalous fervency because She's Just A Girl (honestly idc about any implications regarding gender roles that have wormed their ways into various versions of CATS bc these are CATS and they lack culturally gendered expectations/roles and also they lack secondary sex characteristics)

because Demeter is rather flighty and cagey, and Munkustrap is a Busy Bee, it takes a while for the two of them to even really become friends, and when they do, there are still some ups and downs granted by a bevy of contrasting opinions/idiosyncrasies endemic to the respective characters. Once he gets to actually know her, Munkustrap does believe in Demeter and encourages her to make progress, but he doesn't hover over her or fuss over her more than he does any other of his adult friends lmao. in the few instances that she behaves in a sensual manner towards him, he's like...ig open to it, but again, he's on the aroace spectrum and navigates those kind of connections within that realm, which To Me means that, in his case, he's never governed by romantic, sensual, or sexual impulses/attractions. bc listen. I just love a male hero who is not ultimately fulfilled by A Woman's Love and Having Children (those things are great for some people!!! pls don't think I am suggesting otherwise lmaooooo)

if it seems like these past few paragraphs have a defensive tone...it may be because I operate in anticipation of being condemned by passionate shippers (and also I too am on the aroace spectrum and thats not for nothing lol) but like I said it's the internet and ik what I signed up for. I have nothing against believers in demestrap. not to mention that yk, hal.........it's about cats.

anyway!!!! Munkustrap has a meaningful relationship with everyone at the Junkyard, but I'm gonna stop here for now lol. I could write a passage for every possible combination of every possible pairing of cats but I have already gone beyond the scope I originally imagined pfft. I hope this gives an adequate enough glimpse into how I construe him and his personality and a little bit of his backstory. sorry if's confusing af, or if I focused too much on other cats. also I alluded to a few things that I'm not even sure I've expanded on before. but if you made it through this whole thing and if you care at all about my fanverse pls don't hesitate to ask for expansion or clarification on anything

ty for the ask!! <3

[itsnothingofinterest]

Oh goodness. God fucking damn it. AFO is back and about to claim that he's the one behind everything bad in Tomura's whole life.

GO AWAY YOU SELF-IMPORTANT CRINGELORD THIS STORY IS NOT ABOUT JUST YOU! Or, apparently it is! Because it looks like we're going to get the reveal that he truly was the one who gave Tenko Decay and manipulated the people around Tenko to ensure the tragedy of the Shimuras.

No doubt we will only logically then get the reveal that he gave Eri her quirk as well, since she has near all the same signs of just having a random mutation quirk as Tenko, and the moral of this plotline we are learning is that there is no random tragedy. And of course we'll also learn he killed Endeavor's dad, gave Toga her quirk, invented the modern day anti-heteromorph rhetoric, and also capitalism, that he was the guy who jumped in front of Jin's bike, and even that he's actually causing the quirk singularity apocalypse. How dastardly he is for all that; but the good news is that it'll mean that once he's gone for good for real this time, Crime & Conflict Will Be No More! YAY!

At least I sure hope so for the sake of the MHA-verse, because the world is looking pretty doomed otherwise. Tomura, The only character who cared about addressing all of that and might've gotten Deku to care about addressing all of that, is looking set to get revealed to be No-Agency-Man who it turns out was manipulated by AFO in his every thought and action this whole time. Who's gonna listen to that guy's opinions, those AFO-by-proxy opinions, on systemic inequality & corruption? Certainly not Deku; he gets to go on thinking the world All Might built is perfect outside of those dastardly AFO-like villains.

This, fyi, is the main reason I so adamantly opposed the 'AFO gave Tenko Decay' reveal; this 'Today is saved Tomorrow can go fuck itself' ending it leads to where our Tomura gets saved but the next Tenko is screwed, as is society as a whole when they become a new Tomura, form a new League, and it all gets set on a loop. (I mean unless AFO really is behind literally everything, then that's a different problem.)

God I hate this development. Please Horikoshi, veer away before it's too late.

[trappedinafantasy37]

Alright! It is finally time to face the Elder Brain and end this run. For a little disclaimer, I did complete this run just a few days before Patch 7. I just have posting paralysis and shit sits in my drafts forever before I post things.

Shadowheart tried to dominate the Elder Brain. But, her plan was an abysmal failure.

And doomsday has arrived for the city of Baldur's Gate.

Pro tip: before walking into the apocalypse, make sure your pet illithid is well fed. Locally sourced brains are the preferred nutrition, but store bought is fine.

Despite the apocalyptic scenario she finds herself in, Minthara is enjoying herself and having a grand old time. Definitely the kind of person who thrives in chaos and is her most calm when shit hits the fan.

At the beginning of this all, Shadowheart was alone, trying to navigate the dangers by herself. She felt that she did not need any allies as they would be nothing but liabilities. But Minthara was the one who, ironically, pulled her out of the darkness and gave her the push she needed to step away from Shar. She never could have made it this far without her.

A failed Sharran, a drow, and an illithid walk into a bar...

Meet my friends!

RAWR!

Now this is what I call some quality gameplay! No one can attack you if they can't see you. And even if they could see you, you've evoked the "you can't touch me" rules!

In a final act of desperation, the nether brain pleads for its life, trying to entice Shadowheart into becoming Absolute. Of course, Minthara wants Shadowheart to take the brain and they can rule the world as gods. Sadly, Shadowheart has turned into a helpless do-gooder and destroyed the brain. Lame.

Yay! They saved the city and Minthara unintentionally did a good thing! Now, she wants to get shitfaced so she can forget the awful experience of being a hero against her will.

So, Shadowheart sleeps and Minthara trances, right? Meaning Minthara wakes up long before Shadowheart does. Therefore, Minthara has spent at least 4 hours just sitting here, staring at Shadowheart and waiting for her to wake up. I mean, I would do the same thing too...

Babygurl, it is just me and you here. Who the hell do you think I've been partying with without you? Who are you so afraid of? Who are you trying to poison?

You know, Withers could have just visited the evil lesbians in Baldur's Gate instead of throwing this lavish and extravagant party in the middle of nowhere.

Whoooo boi! This has probably been the longest it has taken me to ever complete a run in Baldur's Gate. Not because it was difficult, but because I was fighting burn-out at the same time, and, well, life stuff happened. But now with Patch 7 being here, I can finally download and install some mods to bring back that spark and replay Daedra and maybe complete that Karlach origin that I keep putting off. This will probably be the last time I do a Shadowheart origin as I have already done it three times and I miss her as a companion.

This is my first duo run and I have had a lot of fun with it. Knowing that I only had two companions and limited resources really made me approach combat and scenarios more tactfully and prepare in advance. It also provided me with some really good RP reasons to make some not so morally good decisions. This was a run that started off with Shadowheart making evil decisions out of necessity and survival, but then her selectively choosing to be good and to be better as she knows she has the power to be better. And having a powerhouse like Minthara at her side certainly gave her the confidence. Of course, Minthara had to get dragged through all this character development, grumbling and bitching about it the entire time. Although, I do not think she learned the same lessons as Shadowheart did as she is still up to her same old drow shenanigans.

This entire run was completely inspired by a random Shadowthara gifset I came across months ago and I knew I just had to do it. Shadowheart and Minthara have very quickly become one of my favorite ships and is my second favorite ship for Minthara specifically. I always knew that Shadowheart and Minthara had some overlap in their stories, but I didn't realize just how much they did overlap. I feel most people probably would have had Shadowheart go the DJ route with Minthara (and would be the canon route if Shadowheart only had Minthara by her side). So I went the opposite direction and found a good RP motivator to make Shadowheart reject Shar instead. To be honest, I think Minthara and Selunite Shadowheart mesh better together than DJ Shadowheart (although DJ Shaodwheart and Minthara are delicious in their own way).

Now that the run is completely over, I will get to my final wrap up in the next coming days. I will also polish out the chapters I have already written for my Shadowheart fic and start getting it published. And for all those who have followed me through this run when you really didn't have to:

Thank you!

< Orin |

[gaydinosaurbananamilkcarton]

I still love sakura. Even if she's a dumbass. No way am I sticking around for somebody that not only treated me like shit, he left me to take care of my daughter by myself for 9 years and then tried to kill her when he met her. The main reason I like sakura is because of her character development. Instead of being a weak sasuke obsessed character, she actually became a strong sasuke obsessed character! Yay!

Most people won't admit it, but they hate sakura because of some shit she said to naruto when they were KIDS(12), not to mention, she wasn't lying. He was an orphan 💀 but they go and say that she's weak, even after she gets stronger, and like rock lee for doing exactly what she did. (Training to become better) sakura never HAD the same powers that naruto and sasuke did. Yet she still MANAGED on her own. That's why I like her.

I like naruto, just not his mindset. Of course I want to become hokage and protect people that treated me like shit for my entire life! Then he became hokage, and made NO changes for the better. He didn't want to be hokage to help, he wanted to be hokage just because he craved attention and validation. He always wants to save people, and doesn't understand that he's making it worse. Sasuke IS more realistic as a character, and sasuke has had it worse than naruto has. Hate me all you want, but it's true. His entire clan was murdered by his brother, including his parents. And then he was obsessed with revenge, only to kill his brother and then find out WHY itachi did what he did and he had to regret it. All he ever KNEW was loneliness and anger, so he had no idea how to live without it. Naruto never had his parents or siblings, meaning he didn't have to LOSE anything. And that's why sasuke was angry with him.

I also think it's important to include Kakashi though. Not only was he practically USELESS for team 7 as a whole (naruto went to be trained by jiraiya, sasuke by orochimaru/? And then sakura by tsunade. It would've been cold if she trained under guy too but the author HATES a strong female character that isn't evil) kakashi needs to be analysed as a whole, especially with his treatment of sasuke. He claims to have gone through what sasuke did, and then tells him that revenge is pointless and leaves you hollow, and then he helps shikamaru get revenge for asuma. He's a hypocrite. He wins the award for the world's WORST sensei.

I won't even make a separate post for boruto, because there's no reason. The show is confusing as hell, and equally as pointless. Boruto hates his dad for no reason, all the important fights are for sasuke and naruto, naruto adopts kawaki and let's him beat up his son, kawaki seals them away and then flips it to make boruto look like he's in the wrong, there are no more shinobi, Boruto trained under sasuke, and then sasuke was sealed in a tree so now he cosplays as him. Sakura is NOWHERE to be seen💀 (good for her) himawari has kurama (how will she not be stronger than boruto?💀) and boruto has Naruto's abilities (rasengan, flying Raijin- minato, and shadow clones) with purple lighting and all of a sudden he's a god. I'm confused about what the jougan does. He also has his fathers weak mindset about not wanting to kill kawaki, but just wanting to punch him. Sarada has insane potential but of course the author won't let her be great because she's a woman! I hate the idea of borusara because I see them as nothing but teammates. It's like the dynamic between naruto and sakura. She treats him like a brother. She hugs her friend that she hasn't seen in 2 years that's also been framed and ostracised by the entire village and suddenly they're the best ship in the world 💀 Delusion at its finest. None of those kids need to be with ANYONE. Just focus on the goddamn anime and stop ruining shit. Because NO ONE is watching it

[bruisedloverr]

Since I've been microwaving this AU in my head for some days (or a week?) now, I've decided to share it! DoL but it is a horror movie. It gets gory, warning for that (and perhaps disorganized thoughts)

To start, the situation of PC is not really that different to begin with, they still have to pay Bailey... but now there's murder in the middle! There has been a string of murders lately, and the Temple has been targeted, but some other people not related to it, too. Rumours says the people responsible for this target virgins and chaste people to offer their blood and bodies in demonic rituals, but could that possibly be true..? (Spoiler, it is. The Children of Auriga are the ones behind this). What it is clear, people disappear two weeks before a Blood Moon occurs, and they're either never seen again, or their corpses are found in the forest, near the Temple's garden.

So now poor PC has to work to pay a sudden debt they didn't knew they had, dodge rapists AND try to avoid being murdered, in the case they were deemed to be a suitable target. They can also find love in the way, yay! Bailey keeps them safe, in their own way (even if PC doesn't realize it. Some sort of "things are bad but could be much worse"). But that may or may not be enough.

I'll go explaining the LIs and their roles so far, there are lots of characters after all and I can't possibly fit them all in:

Sydney: The actions the player do with them kind of affect a LOT here. If the Player keeps them pure, they're basically the perfect target for the cult, but they will stay pretty much the same, albeit more paranoid. However, if the Player corrupts them... they not only become a lustful person, but also murderous and way less moral. Not towards the Player, of course, but towards the very religion that he used to find so much comfort in (Jordan is different in their mind and don't have those desires towards them, though). Investigating on their own, going through secret hallways in the Temple, the will find about the cult behind the murders (or the theories about it, at least), and aid them, basically luring innocent initiates that trust them to their death. A gruesome one, too. Basically, whether they're a target or a murderer depends entirely on PC's hands.

Robin: PC's childhood friend, as always. The more the town gets covered in blood, the more paranoid they become, and they start to act like in their traumatized state, distracted and withdrawn. They might pretend they're strong sometimes, depending on how the player treats them, but they're still a scared teen, and it will show. PC may be able to help them be truly strong... or not.

Whitney: Bully with a secret, that secret being the fact they're not dominant all the time, and that one of the reasons they're also a bully is the fact they crave control and status (with a mix of being a genuine asshole and a bit of peer pressure). They're not afraid to play dirty. Scared shitless of what's going on in the town, but they pretend it doesn't affect them. They start as a threat to PC, but that may develop into a relationship where PC can find some sort of protection... from others, anyway.

Kylar: Still a yandere, still full of grudges. Puts PC's wellbeing over their own. Would fight cultists if they had PC with them (and lose, prolly, unless they somehow get their parents involved). Everyone thinks they're the murderer or somehow involved due to being so weird but they aren't, and PC can either fight these rumours, perhaps starting to fall in love as the spend more time with Kylar (to confirm what they know, that they aren't behind the murders, of course!) or believe them, making them worse.

Avery: Sugar Daddy/Mommy, used to getting their way, their wealth is both a shield and a weapon, buying their compliance (and silence) while fueling their sense of entitlement and control. However, among rich people, their status is... bad. They get side eyed a lot. Know more than they let on.

Eden: Isolated and possessive, their love is a cage with bars made of guilt trips, forced domesticity, and maybe a few strategically placed bear traps. Also a literal cage if PC misbehaves. Their definition of keeping PC safe is not letting them go, ever. More comfortable with knives and gutted deer than human interaction.

Alex: They have seen the news, and feels bad for what the townies have to go through, but also glad it will not affect them (or so they think). Having them as LI is one of the best endings PC can have, as they will be away from the town, and completely safe from harm. Maybe.

Black Wolf/Great Hawk: They're animals, but maybe a true love kiss (hallucinations) will make them human! Sometimes. The Hawk's tower is completely safe, so it's definitely the best ending for PC. The wolf cave is also safe, but not that much. There's still the chance for danger.

And these are just the LIs so far! I have information about others, too, but this post is long enough.

[flowerbloom-arts]

You know, after watching 2019 Moominvalley's episode "The Trial", I have been thinking about the portrayal of Sniff's character on that series. From a meta perspective, Hobgoblin's appearance at the end of that episode is the embodiment of Gutsy itself noticing the damage done to Sniff and quickly fixing him with a character development spell.

"BOOM! Now he has empathy! That's the episode's message, if there was ever one. Oh yeah, now there is! This annoying, selfish, greedy creature can now feel empathy for his companions. That'll teach the children and the adult viewers a lesson," so Gutsy proudly claims. Except that said lesson does not feel earned. The need for a cosmic being's interference at the episode's climax feels like a cop out in the narrative, as if there was no better way to bring it to a closure.

This reminds me of the same issue I had with "Mrs. Fillyjonk's Last Hurrah". It's a good episode, well, until the climax. To sum it up: Mrs. Fillyjonk is actually not dead, yay! She wants all of her furniture and stuff given to others back at home. Understandable. One of said "stuff" Mrs. Fillyjonk had in possession a plush toy called Cedric, which was given away to Sniff. Moomintroll finds Sniff and asks him to give Cedric back to Mrs. Fillyjonk, to which Sniff says no as he explains why he is not giving it back.

That scene was meant to be about how Sniff's feelings are not irrelevant, it’s not about his selfishness. He should be heard as well, not ignored, but guess what? Moomintroll ignores him, the message about how people who feel mistreated by others need to be heard, he says some crap about sharing is caring and that's it. That missed the point and the episode could only be brought to a conclusion by Mrs. Fillyjonk giving Cedric back to Sniff after Moominpappa told her so.

Of course Moominpappa is not a cosmic entity, but still, it feels like Sniff is not a character on his own right. He is the embodiment of selfishness, a simplification of a character flaw, and when he stands up to himself, pouring his heart out to Moomintroll, he gets ignored. Like, that's so mean coming from a series about compassion, honesty and other virtues that come from within. Also, the series keep addressing Sniff as this selfish being fueled with greed, but I feel they never explain why he is that way. It's only "Selfish Sniff, selfish Sniff, selfish Sniff" but never "Why is he selfish? Because he wants to be rich so he can live without taking any risks and be accepted by others," but nah, let's forget that interesting bit of character, forget Sniff as a whole, he is not important and does not deserve anything right.

And that's it. I just wanted to share my opinion on 2019 Moominvalley. I have no drawing requests, but maybe... Maybe 70's and 90's Sniff comforting their 2019 counterpart, that would be nice.

I think the writers at Gutsy has some kind of vendetta against him at this point and I could make a list of dozens of reasons why I think that. Maybe if I rewatch the whole show when season 4 comes out.....

I've talked about the Sniff issue so many times and like. Yeah... They just. Either don't like him or don't know what to do with him, and I hope season 4 breaks the pattern atleast once.

[colonelpancakes]

Season Six Episode Five "Moonless Night" lets go! Given the fact that one of our protagonist’s is a MOONshadow elf, this title makes me worried. Like, I know it’s referring to the prophecy thing but still…

Skjsklf I love Rayla. She wants NO part of this ding dang prophecy business.

Hmm so Callum wants to know more about whatever Startouch magic item they could get for doing the quest. Interesting. I wonder if he’s still thinking about ways to defeat Aaravos? Since "from the heavens" does sound like it would have something to do with the Startouch elves, "beings from the heavens".

Stella’s little “just kiss already” look is killing me.

I love Soren checking in on Ez to see if he's okay is so sweet. I love his character development so much, going from considering killing Ezran to being a dedicated crownguard and making sure Ezran's okay.

Oh wedding?? That’s happening now?? Yay!

Surely nothing will go wrong, Ezran will have a nice relaxing break and Janai and Amaya will have a lovely stress-free wedding and nothing will go wrong and the fact that the episode after next is called "The Red Wedding" means nothi-

Ezran sidestepping actually saying Viren’s name and even Soren faltering a little bit before he says it. The impact he’s had on both their lives is so clear even in these little moments.

They’re so sweet they are going to melt my heart I love themm 🥹

Ohh... and Soren's upbeat demeanor vanishing as soon as he leaves Ezran's room because he knows Ezran needs the reassurance...

Fly caught in a spiderweb imagery how interesting…

Oughh poor Soren. And the voice acting is so good here. You can hear how much effort Soren is putting into keeping his voice steady and tough so he doesn’t give Viren any control over him again.

Rayla gives the exact same response as Sarai did in season two. The Ice Behemoth is already giving me huge Magma Titan vibes I really feel like killing it is the wrong move. And Rayla’s right, they don’t know anything about the behemoth or why its causing the storms. “Does it think? Does it feel? Does it have a family? […] Then is it the last of its kind?”.

Yeah, that’s something I was thinking about too. It’s interesting how Callum is the one so interested in this prophecy when before this point, he’s always been the most resistant to the idea of destiny, or the concept that there’s something you “have” to do and there’s no way around it. I wonder if there’s something else at play?

🥺🥺🥺 Rayla singing a lullaby???? Holding Stella like a baby???? My heart…

Viren, respectfully, please shut up.

I wonder if the reason Soren keeps coming down is because he needs to see for himself that Viren is still locked up so that it can be real for him? Like if he keeps checking on Viren that means he can see with his own eyes that he’s still there and isn’t escaping or hurting anyone, and it'd be hard to get that reassurance from a guard. It could also be that he feels some form of responsibility for Viren and doesn't feel right passing that to someone else. Idk maybe I'm totally off, but I could see that contributing.

"And that’s why I abandoned your sister on a beach."

Yes, including abandoning your daughter on a fucking beach. Viren. It’s good that you're acknowledging how much you’ve hurt Soren but please also acknowledge that you are in fact still actively fucking up in the parenting department.

Ohh. Soren… He’s finally hearing his father tell him the things he’s wanted to hear for so long, the things he’s had to figure out on his own. That the way he was treated was cruel and wrong. That he’s not lesser, or a bad person, or stupid or the things he’s been told aloud or otherwise for most of his life. That is father sees who he is and is proud of the man he’s become. But the last time he was down here with Viren, Viren told him that all of the awful things were in his head, that he was imagining them. That he was too stupid to understand Viren’s instructions and of COURSE his dad had never done anything wrong. He was literally gaslit and it has (understandably and rightly) absolutely destroyed his ability to ever trust Viren again. How could he when Viren lied to and manipulated him for his whole life? It’s too good to be true, so it must be a trick.

And then Soren getting angry, reaffirming that he knows who Viren is and what has happened and that it was real out loud so that Viren can’t gaslight him again, can’t convince him that nothing was wrong in the first place, can’t manipulate his point of view or taint the happiness that he’s finally found in the palace with Ez and Callum and Corvus and Opelli.

Oh, Soren…

On a much happier note, Stella holding Sneezles!!!!!!!!!!

sjaklffsjdkaljfd I love them so much. Callum, what are you doing?

Also, I noticed while screenshotting that Stella is still holding Sneezles and I just think that’s so cute.

Ooh interesting. I wonder what determines the prerequisites for a spell being cast. Like, what characteristics distinguish spells that need a physical element or a magic object from spells that can just be cast aloud with runes?

Yeah, I still don’t think that killing the behemoth is a good idea in the first place. This magma titan part two. Hopefully with a different ending this time.

Ohhhhhh I am imagining wet socks in that kind of weather and that sounds hellish. Hopefully the Celestial Elves have some spidersilk socks they can lend them.

Aww, Callum sheltering Rayla from the storm with his arms.

The behemoth’s heart even glows in the same way the magma titan’s did! Actually, how do we know this isn’t just an ice titan? Maybe titans aren't all humanoids, I mean we've only seen one type so far.

Okay I'm less than halfway through the episode and I've run out of images. Dang. Continued in reblogs

[diamondcitydarlin]

i think probably the worst part of the whole thing is that I just don't really care anymore, the investment I had at the end of season 1 just straight up no longer exists. no, it's not just bc a blorbo got killed off (and there's a lot of reasons to be angry about that), it's mainly bc most of the characters at this point feel like hollow shells of who they were a season ago, including the stede x ed pairing as a whole (which I really just don't care about anymore at all, sorry). and no it's not bc 'Izzy got all the development and there was no time for anyone else' like of course there was time for everyone else, provided that they hadn't opened the season on all those characters making 180 character changes with no real explanation, provided they hadn't overloaded the damn season with nonsense that goes nowhere. JimxOlu was my OTP after StedexEd in season one, both of them were some of my faves, and not only did neither of them even really resemble who they were in s1, their relationship which was of such great importance in the former just suddenly...is something else now. Not people in love, but 'friends who have fucked once lol' and are wingmen for each other now because...??? Oh but Jim's dating Archie who...*checks notes* was in a Snake Cult? I think? That's about all we get on her, apart from the fact that she likes making out with Jim I guess. And I guess Zheng can't just be a powerful woman character that exists in this narrative without a romance of her own, so let's just toss her together with Olu and never explore or explain that with any kind of depth. Jim has neither trust issues anymore nor do they have ANY interest or investment in their revenge scheme or the Siete Gallos (REMEMBER THAT PLOTLINE?? REMEMBER?? APPARENTLY THE WRITERS DON'T) they're just kind of goofy all the time now for no reason. Olu's leadership arc? His being a confidant to Stede? Where the fuck did any of that go? Are they all a polycule or are they all just separate couple friends? IDK WHO CARES THIS IS HOW IT IS NOW I GUESS. Like, why am I supposed to care about any of that? It doesn't even feel like the characters I watched before.

And StedexEd. Jfc there's so much to say that other people have said better but the constant bringing up of conflicts, breakups, and then immediately resolving those issues with heartfelt reunions/kissing as if that's supposed to be sufficient got really old for me after awhile. The lack of explaining how their 'whim-prone' romance to this point was bad, the lack of explaining how they reconcile their different goals was also bad, but oh they can just go RUN AN INN NOW! Yay happily ever after! ????? "Ed, you've got family" which he immediately leaves to go try another life path he's probably going to suck at and hate WOW so romance. Like either figure it out or break up for good, it just makes them an obnoxious toxic couple who never seem to communicate or bother to try but are supposed to be the one we love the most and are rooting for. And that sucks, because I loved them once! GARBAGE!

There's only so much blame one can put on external factors for this. I worked in production once, I edited scripts and was a go-between for notes and writers, and this is the exact kind of thing I would've felt compelled to point out; we only have x amount of time and x amount of episodes to properly tell these stories, we know this, so maybe lets be realistic about what we can fit in here and do justice and what we can't. Maybe let's not just throw every fucking thing we think of at the wall to see what sticks while completely ignoring/retconning character traits and stories we set up in season 1. But nah, that's what happened!

Like, what is there to watch for at this point if s3 gets greenlit? I fail to find anything that I'd care about seeing continued, even the peripheral characters like Frenchie and Wee John and Roach, whom I also loved before and still do but barely did anything, so I guess I can tune in to watch them do more of nothing? Idk man it sucks when it's not just 'wow that was bad I hope next season is better' but instead 'wow that was so boring and incohesive I have no more interest or emotional investment in this to continue'

[torihakaraublog]

Obey Me! NB "Happy School Life" Pop Quiz Event

Oh my goodness! Has it really been a month since I last posted?? June went by super fast!

The club activity event was okay in my mind. A bit dull club activity wise, would have liked more more in depth explanation of the activities. Plus once again where was Beel! stop hiding him! (tho as of writing this the current event seems to be Beel themed so yay!)

However, there was some very sweet/fun character moments. We got to hear about how dedicated Beel is to his club + making new members feel welcome.

We got kendo Diavolo *blushes*. Kendo suits him really well! Plus possessive Diavolo when we are taking photos of the band group (Lucifer, Barbatos, Simeon - lead singer Lucifer hehe).

Also there was a fun Asmo/Solomon dynamic going on. I love how they ended up being the only members in their respective clubs so they got placed in a room together ALONE. I'm sure they both enjoyed that teehee.

Putting together a photo album at the end + Diavolo giving us a picture was cute too :3

I wanna read Satan's detective novel! (when he's ready to share of course)

Missed out on Levi's shower card, but it looks great! I love how hes super excited about the shirt and when its unlocked hes wearing it happily. Its such a typical anime shirt design style! 10/10

Lucifer Birthday Event!

Please! Lucifer's birthday event was amazing! If irl I could do this stuff with him I would be very pleased <3

Ended up playing it a few days after Lucifer's birthday while waiting for my sis's graduation to start xD It was good to pass the time, except the seats were all conected so every time someone stood up the whole row shook!

A good breakfast with the family, visiting a bookstore (where we both get stuff cause its the worst when you buy something, but your date does not), the opera, spending a quiet dinner together at a nice bar, and dancing!

Loved how when the brothers found out I was spending the day alone with Lucifer, Levi was the first to object. Then Beel was the voice of reason being like "Guys its Lucifer's birthday we can be jealous another day, just not today!" What a good lil bro.

The part at the bar where Lucifer says "Its a shame I can only enjoy this on my birthday." I know he says that cause his drink is a special 'birthday drink' you can only get on your birthday. But since I don't drink I'm gonna pretend he said that since he's the only one who is drinking xD I usually get cranberry juice or gingerale when I'm out.

Obey Me! NB "The Devildom RAD Rangers" Pop Quiz Event

It was fun and silly event. The outfits were very nice for all the characters. Very modest (except Beel's), but on theme. Would have liked Mammon to be a hero tho! Was a missed opertunity for character development. Kinda was everyone vs Mammon.

Lots of good duos - Levi and Asmo practicing poses. Lucifer and Diavolo getting fancy cells. Think there was a Simeon and Solomon moment (I don't remember).

Super cute moment where you get to cuddle Beel and Bel at the same time to release a power move. (Yes that's totally why we were doing that lol)

Normally I don't get around to reading the devilgrams, but I did read the "Brother's no more" memory one and highly recommend. As both a Lucifer and Simeon main it was an interaction I have been hoping would happen at some point! ^_^

***

I might not be... normal about the next/current event xD so my next post might be a bit wacky lmao

[camcorderrevival]

to you, what's the difference between eleven/amy and twelve/clara? which one do you ship more and why? (i'm guessing the answer to the second is pretty obvious but i'm curious about your answer)

i think the biggest difference, beyond like narrative and theme, is that twelveclara gets more breathing room in the series. obviously youve got the relationship between clara and danny, and missy and twelve (and missy and clara to some extent), but twelveclara is very much given the centre stage. the viewer's attention is meant to be on them, the show is about them (for good reason). the other relationships function as ways to explore twelve and clara as separate characters, of course, but they also very much work emphasise the relationship between the two as well.

and like. elevenamy isnt some super niche relationship with no screentime or development. theyre the core of s5,6,7a just like twelveclara is the core s8&9. (and just like ninerose is the core s1, and tenmartha is the core of s3. whether you read them as romantic or platonic or whatever, the doctor & companion dynamics foster a kind of intimacy that keeps the show interesting and moving forward).

but you definitely more get the sense that, especially in s6, the dynamic is fighting for space with amyrory/elevenriver. the show gets stuck in a weird place where it is trying to convince the viewer that the satisfying conclusion for all of these characters is amyrory and elevenriver, but the story ends if amy really chooses rory in any meaningful way (and thats no good if youre trying to get two and bit series out of it). so youve got elevenamy which is the driving point of the narrative and somewhat more interesting/dynamic than amyrory, and amyrory which feels (to me) like a much more stuck, static point but the show really wants you to believe that its satisfying and interesting (without ever putting much effort into it, because that would detract too much from the core relationship). both relationships suffer from that weird balance that gets struck.

twelveclara does not face that same weirdness so the relationship gets more room to develop (or in their case devolve into a spiral of self-destruction and timeline altering) (yay).

beyond that difference in narrative space. i think both relationships deal with some similar themes (because they are the themes that haunt most of moffat's time as showrunner, and some of the episodes that he wrote for rtd). memory, stories, identity in the other.

but there are also quite different points. elevenamy takes on a more religious tone (especially in tgc + tgww). amy isnt doctorified to the same extent as clara, so the narrative surrounding identity in the other differs.

elevenamy basically imprint on each other as children and tie themselves around that point of connection, they cant help but deify each other (they r cathyheathcliff). doctorclara (because eleven's relevant in this for a little bit) are tied together by missy (fate. prophecy. your sometimes-ex who thinks you'd get on really well with this brunette woman whos got problems. insult/compliment??) and then progressively become more and more like each other till they have to be cosmically separated. and they want to be like each other because theyre obsessed with each other, of course, but also because they think that it'll give them more control over everything.

amy leaves the doctor because shes convinced he'll always leave her so she needs to stay with her safety blanket backup husband so she never ever has to be alone again (and she'll never ever be lonely little amelia pond again). clara leaves (not really) twelve because of the aforementioned cosmic separation.

amy puts the doctor in her childrens book. twelve puts clara in a song.

lastly, i will always bat for twelveclara whenever wherever. but theyre good. theyre well-written and they crash and burn so beautifully. there's not much to say. elevenamy is so interesting firstly because theyve lived in my brain forever im normal like that, secondly because the writing gets so awkward at points that there's hundreds and millions of things to say. so i love them very much sorry to twelveclara.

[bird-inacage]

Hi! I hope you’re having a wonderful day!

I was reading one of your posts on Sand/Ray (Ray/Sand? Idk their ship name) and it had me thinking: did Sand not think about the consequences of releasing the recording outside of how it would affect Top?

At the end of ep 7, we see Ray and Mew dancing or whatever the hell is going on there together, and Sand watching them. As many people have pointed out, he looks more disappointed than surprised. I’m guessing the fear of something like this happening has been in the back of his mind since Boston told half truths about Ray’s history with Mew.

I don’t remember exactly when the getting high session with Sand, Ray, Boston, and Nick happened and if it was before or after Sand got the tape, but that would also be a pretty good reason to release the tape as it could also hurt Boston. Though, Sand strikes me as a kind of “don’t kill the messenger” guy and it would also hurt Nick so I’m guessing his sole motivation was Top being a dick at the juice bar.

But back to my main question: why didn’t Sand see Mew and Ray getting together as a possibility or did he and just accepted it? Because if he had thought it through he would’ve realized that okay 1) tape makes it’s way to Mew, 2) Top is exposed, 3) Mew ends things with Top, 4) Top is heartbroken (yay!!! [from Sand’s perspective]), 5) Mew looks for support and finds it in 6) Ray. Did he not think past Top getting hurt to the part where Mew would fall into Ray’s arms or was he willing to take the risk/was pretending not to care?

I’m curious as to what you think because Sand seems like a pretty smart guy (I’d go so far as to say he 100% knew what he was doing giving the tape to Ray which was manipulative and out of character for him (not as in how he was written, but as in that’s not who he is as a person and breaks his moral code) but felt bad about it later which is why he apologized) and idk if his feelings for Ray clouded his judgement or if he accepted as Mew and Ray as a possibility/inevitable.

- MA

Hello MA!

Thank you, hope today's been good to you too 👌

I do touch on this briefly in my post (here). Like you, I'm certain Sand would have known that in doing so, he'd be opening the door to Ray/Mew. That isn't to say this would be a guaranteed outcome, but as long as Mew isn't taken, then Ray still sees a chance there, even if it's only a matter of technicality.

Now, Sand utilises this very fact to ensure the outcome he wants, which confirms he must be aware of it. He gets his revenge, but he risks compromising further developments with Ray in the process.

As to why he chooses to do this, I remain stumped.

I think a big piece of the puzzle is still missing, and that's the exact circumstances which led to his grudge with Top in the first place. Sand prioritised revenge here above all else, even if it meant sacrificing Ray (also hurting Nick, smashing his phone - for someone broke, this is not a thing to do lightly). That indicates to me either Sand's ex meant a great deal to him, maybe the fallout with his ex was particularly devastating, or what Top did was truly unforgivable.

It's even more intriguing when you consider how Sand has been with Ray. He's very patient, accommodating, and willing to forgive. A stark contrast to this burning desire to get payback on Top at all costs.

On another note, I also believe Sand was still harbouring the smallest of hopes that maybe - just maybe, Ray might care about him back. So when he sees Ray dancing with Mew, it reminds him all over again of how foolish he was to entertain that, even briefly. Which is why Sand looks weary and unsurprised. Of course. He gets passed up. He gets left behind. It's what his ex did. Why wouldn't Ray do it too?

---birdie

[kolachess]

Star Struck - Explaining the conflict and cultural nuance

Those of you who have seen the Korean BL, Star Struck, probably thought it was a(nother) mediocre school BL. In a year with more and more BLs from South Korea (yay!), it might have been an easy pass.

BUT, if you’re like me, you will have really, really appreciated the refreshingly realistic taste of a friends-to-lovers dynamic, complete with a conflict that is not just over one-sided or mutual dislike of each other for once! (Which is not to say I didn’t love the BLs that had that... they’re all great. But I do think expanding scope is always admirable!)

I realized that part of the reason why what seemed to me a rather thoughtfully constructed set of characters and plot development comes across as plain boring to many others might partially be a cultural nuance issue.

So, here’s my attempt to bridge that gap and give it a little more credit than it got (at least, so far). Of course, that’s not to say I think this drama is perfect... I do think a lot of pacing / editing could have done with some improvement. And at the end of the day... it is a coming of age sort of school drama, so it’s not going to be crazy complex. And I’m also writing this after episode 4, so there will be spoilers through episode 4. 

Disclaimer: I am not Korean, nor did I grow up in South Korea, so I definitely do not have complete authority on this subject matter. However, I feel like a lot of what was happening in Star Struck might have been... unfairly overlooked or otherwise not understood by audiences who are less familiar with Eastern Asian cultural values, so as a Chinese American, I wanted to do my best to add a bit of perspective.

So. What is the root of SHJ (Seo Hanjoo) and JYJ (Jo Yoojae)’s conflict?

Certainly, SHJ’s (seemingly) one-sided crush on JYJ and JYJ’s reactive jealousy is a large part of it, but the other big part is a newfound wealth gap and how that translates into what esteem they hold each other in.

From the get-go, we can tell SHJ is very (self-)conscious about money. He knows how hard his mom has to work, and he feels guilty and early on already tries to justify to himself (and others) that some costs, like the cram school he saved up to attend, are not worth it. He’s too prideful to honestly mention his money troubles to anyone.

Although SHJ doesn’t know JYJ’s rich yet in this scene, JYJ’s financial circumstances still was better off than SHJ’s. But he’s clearly uncomfortable with the idea of his best friend paying for him like that. And here’s where I’ll do some cultural breakdown.

In East Asian culture, the collective identity comes first, and the individual comes second. Meaning, people take more pride in what school they graduated from, what company they work for, what their family background is, more so than people in many other cultures. I’m not talking school pride like, ‘I’m proud to be a <insert school mascot>!’ kind of spirit. I mean that everyone in your life, in society, will measure your worth first and foremost (and often only) by the primary institution or family background you came out of. And with SHJ’s sort of background - poor, single-mother - that’s a big stigma. He’s still a rational human being though, so at least he doesn’t blame his poor mother for their circumstance (which some kids do, given all the pressure of society). But that all said, this clearly weighs on him - how his lack of money reflects on him. And if money is viewed at all similarly to how it’s viewed in China... it’s basically a measure of your capabilities and standing in society. The inability to be generous with your money is ‘losing face’ i.e. embarrassing. And so... yeah. It’s a lot of ‘dings’ in SHJ’s social profile. The kid is understandably a bit self-conscious, though he clearly tries to not let it get to him.

Fast forward to when he finds out JYJ is now ‘rich’... Obviously, he’s upset at not being told because they’re supposed to be close friends. However, he’s clearly super self-conscious about being seen as someone who’s that sensitive about money. Notice how he hasn’t actually commented / asked about JYJ ‘moving out’. (Note: I wasn’t 100% sure if this carried the implication that JYJ might be moving away, but the text message made it sound like that? Correct me if I’m wrong.) He immediately assumes JYJ didn’t tell him because he’s pitying him or otherwise worried about how he’d react because of how it involves money. And he hates that. (Which... he’s not totally wrong about. JYJ might not pity him like how SHJ is thinking, but he definitely worries a bit about how SHJ will perceive things, and it becomes this death spiral of misread intentions.)

And of course JYJ starts to comment on SHJ’s family, which just confirms all of JYJ’s worst fears. He suddenly ‘realizes’ that his best friend who he has a crush on actually walks on eggshells around him because of his money situation, which is a blow to his self-esteem, because what does that mean? That there’s a meaningful gap now in their social status and JYJ looks down on him and just never said? That JYJ sees SHJ as too delicate to be able to handle this new reality? (His insecurities and perspectives, not necessarily what JYJ thinks, of course.) 

It’s like having a close friend say something that makes you suddenly wonder if they were actually judging you this whole time, and your mind goes into overdrive analyzing every past interaction you’ve had and reading in between the lines to see if you were actually blind all this time. To SHJ, who is already a bit self-conscious about all of this... it’s a major blow. And although he says he’s only ever felt inconvenienced by his poverty... I’d say he’s being a bit dishonest with himself. Again, he’s clearly not the shameful type to blame his poor mother, but he clearly has trouble admitting his circumstances to even his closest friend.

Meanwhile, for JYJ...

...the guy is clearly struggling too. He obviously cares for SHJ and extremely mindful of his money situation, hence previously wanting to just pay for SHJ at the cafe. However, he also doesn’t want to hurt SHJ’s pride even more, so he ultimately still tosses his pair of perfectly good shoes he no longer wants despite wanting to give it to SHJ.

Once SHJ cools down a bit, and JYJ extends the olive branch, they both apologize to each other and come to an understanding. However, as is with a lot of human emotions... getting over it in the moment does not necessarily mean getting over it for good if you haven’t addressed the inner demons that spawned these bad feelings in the first place. And it’s not long before we see another issue pop up.

At this point, SHJ has had to move into the side house (and hides it from JYJ). He finds the Gucci receipt in the pocket of the jacket JYJ lends him, and JYJ immediately tries to wave it off saying it was pretty much something his mom made him buy.

He’s clearly worried about SHJ feeling bad again. He definitely doesn’t seem to care for the materialistic things as much as his parents seem to, and he even seems a bit embarrassed by it. So when SHJ brings up his big new house, he immediately tries to make light of the situation by joking about how indeed, the one good perk is that he can no longer hear his parents fighting. So that’s clearly another thing that weighs on him. SHJ is seemingly rather sensitive to JYJ’s money situation, but JYJ doesn’t really want anything to do with it at all. And the thing he really wishes could be new and shiny - his family’s relationship - is not something their newfound money could buy. In fact, it’s possible he’s even a little envious of JYJ for having such a caring mom.

Later, when he finds out SHJ has moved into the little side house / shack, he’s understandably upset that his best friend had chosen to hide this from him, that he didn’t see JYJ as understanding enough to be honest with him. He obviously also aches for SHJ’s circumstances. 

Gift-giving is a big part of East Asian culture, but there’s casual gifts between friends, and there’s gifts between everyone else. When you’re gifting gifts to someone less close, you definitely don’t want to go for things too cheap, so people tend to skew for expensive and unnecessary things because it’s part of social gestures and having ‘face’. While well-intentioned, sometimes receiving (and continuing to receive) gifts, especially more expensive ones, can make the receiver feel like they have to reciprocate in kind and continue to stand on ceremony or otherwise have this formal distance between the other person. It’s a big game of chicken sometimes, but some people’s ‘face’ won’t allow them to take a more casual, intimate approach first. This is not the main reason why JYJ gets upset of course, but it is an element.

All that compounded - he’s hurting already on SHJ’s behalf, yet his best friend seemingly doesn’t trust him enough and still tries to save face. And what’s worse, SHJ seems to think JYJ is materialistic and chases expensive things, when that couldn’t be farther from the truth - he dgafs about this kind of stuff. So to have his best friend essentially woefully misunderstand his character, continue to hold him at arm’s length / treat him with non-intimate courtesy, make sacrifices that hurt himself to give JYJ something that makes him seem materialistic and puts even more distance between them due to their economic gap... he’s pretty hurt and furious.

Of course, in reality, while SHJ not telling JYJ might be partly due to his pride, the expensive gift was purely because he was crushing hard. And cue the confession tumbling out.

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So actually, I feel like there was a wonderful build-up of their tension, oriented not entirely on SHJ’s romantic feelings towards JYJ, but a very real issue between two people compounded by the complexity of romantic feelings.

Although I grew up away from the frontline influence of these sort of social gestures and expectations, it was still a big part of my upbringing. And I feel the agonizing indecisiveness over what to say, how to react, etc. You read intention into every gesture and word, because that’s how Asian culture operations.

I was rather surprised to see people comment that this drama was boring, but upon analysis, I did consider that part of it might be because a lot of this tension goes over the audience’s head if you weren’t brought up in that context. What seems like beautifully nuanced dance of well-intentions-turned-sour might come across as a jumbled mess of ‘being upset over unnecessary secrets’. That, coupled with some abrupt scenes that might not be tied in too smoothly, might have led to a lower evaluation.

Or it’s just my bias for a non-romantic-feelings based tension haha.

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Anyway... curious what others think!