#I saw the post and was like god i hope this is satire | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

piratecaptainscaptainpirates · 5 months ago

Note

I first watched ofmd about 6 months after it came out which means the fandom had a little bit of time to develop some of its own ideas. Anyway. The absolute shock and confusion I felt after finishing s1 and finding out izzy had fans! I was like “wait what is there even to like about that guy?”. And then after thinking about it for a while I was like “ok I guess he is actually kinda interesting and it is pretty common for people to like the asshole antagonists” so imagine my disappointment when I came online and saw people trying to paint izzy as the rational good guy and Ed as out of control. And it’s still happening to this day! *sigh*

This rant brought to you by me seeing yet another meme implying Ed is acting irrationally and out of control in s1 and izzy is just the sensible rational guy trying to keep everything working smoothly. (God forbid ed meets someone he can have fun with and who actually respects the real him and experiences any amount of joy)

I was there, Gandalf. I was there like two years ago, lurking as this shift started happening, and it was something to see let me tell you what

I wasn't active in the fandom until just before s2 started airing, but I watched s1 for the first time right as the final episodes dropped, and I lurked around a bit. At first, in those early days, it truly felt like most people were on the same page. There was some racist shit (Ed eating soap was the big one back then) but on the whole the fandom's attitude towards Izzy, at least from my vantage point, was pretty uniform. Lots of "he's gay and homophobic" jokes. Lots of talking about how fucked up and wet he is.

And I remember thinking that the first posts I saw about how Izzy's actions were justified were satire. That was how uniform the fandom felt for those first few weeks. I was like, wow, that's kinda a fun thought experiment to try and twist things so Izzy's actions are justified. It's not for me but it's kinda interesting. And then after a while those things kept popping up and you realized they were serious. I remember it had gotten truly concerning by June that year, but it might've been earlier - I was just lurking around more around that time following hopes for the renewal.

Yeah, it's honestly really disappointing. I couldn't care less if someone likes Izzy as he is in canon - he's interesting in the same way a lot of antagonists are interesting. The issue comes in when they insist that their fanon perspective is the correct way to interpret the text and start writing fic and meta based on that premise, which becomes really racist really quickly. Izzy views Ed in a racist way, trying to push him back into a caricature of himself and talking about him like he's an animal, so when you take his word as gospel, the way you think and write about Ed is also going to be racist.

#fandom discourse

9 notes · View notes

tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 5 months ago

Text

Do you people ever go through comedycv.co.uk? Because going to that link and just clicking through has become one of my regular hobbies. You know how there always posts going around Tumblr about how it's sad that the old internet is lost? Well did you know there's some old internet that's very much still online, and it has summaries of comedians' careers, frozen in time at the exact point when they became too successful to need to keep updating it?

I enjoy clicking on random pages of comedians I've never heard of, to find out what was going on back then. But it's even more interesting to look at the pages for comedians I know about, and see what was the most recent accomplishment listed, at what point they stopped worrying about this website. In many cases, it's when they became famous enough for it to not matter. In the cases of younger comedians, it's when time moved on enough for this bit of the old internet to become irrelevant in the face of social media. But the website's still up. One of those things that it seems like should be gone, but everyone's forgotten it's there so no one's remembered to take it down. I love finding things like that. Though I do have an occasional track record of sharing those things on Tumblr and then someone involved in it comes across my Tumblr post and then it gets taken down as a result of me sharing it. Okay that only happened once but it was enough to freak me out, hopefully this one Tumblr post doesn't get an entire website taken down. Pretty sure I don't personally have the power to bring down an entire website.

I mean, obviously there have to be exceptions to people whose Comedy CV page stopped updating when they got too famous to need it, and people whose page stopped updating when the rise of social media made it irrelevant. And that would be the person whose Comedy CV page kept getting updated while he was with an agent who made him do things like that, and then dropped it the moment he was allowed to have one of those public entertainment careers where you get really angry about members of the public knowing you exist:

The quotes about his comedy, all of them praise and not a single bit of the Lee-esque ironic self-deprecation that I'd expect in a situation like this, continue for almost a whole other page. It's significantly longer than most of the other ones.

Not a single mention of Mock the Week, that's how old this one is:

"Alex Horne and his assistant Tim Key"

Here's a less fun thing about comedy advertising pages that are so old: defining women in a male-dominated environment by their competition with other women. That's something you still see today and it sucks, but it doesn't happen constantly anymore the way it used to. Like Danielle Ward being "one of the few female satirists", rather than just a very good comedian who performs satire. Not that I'm blaming Danielle Ward for this, I assume she didn't write that herself, and it's the way marketing was encouraged.

And Josie Long, on the other hand is, "unnaturally far from girlie adolescence". Don't worry, she's not shit like all those other female comedians (again, not Josie Long's fault, I can't imagine this was her idea). Her page must be really old, as it doesn't mention winning the Perrier Newcomer Award in 2006.

When I first started clicking through these, I saw Ahir Shah's name and thought, I bet that'll be weird, since even the older comedians - as in, the Chocolate Milk Gang-era ones - have much younger pictures of themselves on here. Ahir Shah is young (at least I hope he is, at least compared to some people, since he's my age), so a younger picture of him will be really young. I thought that before I opened his page for the first time, but I still wasn't remotely prepared for what I saw there:

On the subject of small children who were born in the same year as me, did you know that Daniel Sloss met Frankie Boyle once?

Long list of credits, even with no Thick of It yet. Not even Gash. God, imagine a world without Armando Iannucci's Gash. What a sad world.

Awww...

Sorry, why has Roisin Conaty never mentioned her Monopoly Woman character in anything I've seen?

Love that highly rough around the edges comedian Rhod Gilbert has a professionally written essay in his description, and a picture of himself in business attire.

Oh, sorry, Stewart, I thought you were all counterculture and don't do mainstream advertising? What are you doing here looking like a movie star and with not a single ironic self-deprecating quote?

A couple of years ago now, in a journey somewhat similar to the Comedy CV one, I went through all these old Edinburgh programs, and I learned that there are an amazingly large number of terrible pictures of Russell Howard that got used in official promo between about 2004 and about 2009 (there are not just in old programs, also in old articles about him, it's remarkably consistent). I don't know why, but for some reason Russell Howard did not give a single good picture of himself to any official sources during those years. This was one of those terrible pictures, used in the Edinburgh Fringe 2005 poster for his show Skylarking, which is something I know off the top of my head because I have spent too much time reading old Edinburgh programs. Again, no mention of Mock the Week, so this is older than his start on that. But newer than his 2005 show, so that dates it pretty specifically.

"Russell has twice toured as the special guest of Perrier Award Winner, Daniel Kitson." Amazingly grandiose way to refer to doing tour support.

On that subject, I'm going to stop pretending I didn't primarily use this to look up Chocolate Milk Gang members, and show you the main ones from that. Zaltzman has a page that's so long I had to cut a little bit of it off even by spreading it across two screenshots:

There's a quote praising him by Dominic Maxwell in there, then a humble Metro reviewer, who many years later would be with The Times and call Andy John Oliver's "left-behind sidekick". What a dick.

Andy's page has gone beyond just a curiosity to me, and has helped me a bit with some of my completism. You get things on these pages that, once they got bigger, seemed to small to ever mention again. So you might only know the comedian had done those things if you find stuff that was written when they were small enough for those little things to seem like a bigger deal. I've been trying to track down his episode of Live Floor Show ever since reading it on there, which I've never seen mentioned anywhere else. Andy Zaltzman's page is written like a genuine CV, which is helpful.

And at this point I should stop pretending this whole post has been anything besides an excuse to show you this picture of John Oliver when he had long-ish hair and the career of a baby:

John Oliver's episode of People Like Us is 2x05, from 2001, and that description calls it "the new series of People Like Us", so that tells you when that was written. This page was also helpful for the completest in me, when I did things like make a compilation of John Oliver's scenes from the early 00s when he appeared in one scene of one episode each of several different sitcoms:

youtube

I haven't even scratched the surface with this post of the amusing things on that Comedy CV site, everyone go look at the adorable old picture of Joe Lycett. I promise, mindlessly clicking through the links is a great way to spend an afternoon.

#Youtube

9 notes · View notes

conduitandconjurer · 9 months ago

Note

Hi! Sorry I took so long to share. This is the picture from season 4:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C2zsCNAr8tT/?igsh=MTNrajRhM3R3aXM4dg==

I’m not sure if links work through asks but the official account (umbrellaacad) posted it on instagram. I don’t think having an account is necessary to be able to see it.

It worked, thanks, friend!!!

Hm. Hmmm. Yeah that...is a thing that they posted. Huh. lol.

I mean. This will seem shallow, but Klaus's appearance has always seemed intentionally tied to his inner emotional and psychological (and yes, spiritual) journey--his tattoos alone attest to that--so I think I'm particularly critical of what doesn't seem aligned to his character development visually. That said, I can see how he'd maybe revert to a point in his life when he chopped off and straightened his BEAUTIFUL CURLY hair ( =_=;;;; lol) since the excruciating journey he just embarked upon in order to START seeing himself as worth more than the mastery of his powers ...has kind of been...nullified lol by losing them (I get it, it's a Gerard Way esque thing to be totally nihilistic). Klaus may feel as if he can go back to his younger years (the tennish years preceding the start of Season One) and relive them totally detoxed, harm to his brain and organs also reset, sober. And that's valid, plus I know Klaus has a penchant for going through phases to distract himself from his real problems.

Which is why I'm So Tired™ when I see the nitrile gloves. They have to be in a "still-no-powers" timeline in this shot because Luther is still not fused with ape DNA. I am guessing this is going to be some kind of dumbass ableist gag (lbr, TUA has never cared about stepping right in it when it comes to ableist tropes) a la Adrian Monk and "hoho haha, compounded, severe and complex trauma gave him germaphobic OCD!" (in Klaus's case, because he now has remembered all the murder-experiments Reg did on him in the crypt, and he's no longer immortal, so that makes him hyper-aware of anything that could kill him without his safety net). On the one hand, if this is true I'm happy he has something to lose and therefore cares about how to spend his limited remaining days. On the other hand, no, I don't want Klaus to die, I want him to still have his powers but also CHOOSE to do the work of slowly recognizing he doesn't need them to be worthy of unconditional love.

Is the potential germaphobia good writing? Probably, in many respects.

Is it what I want, because I'm a soft-touch who just wants to see her favs heal because it gives her comfort? Nah.

Is reducing Klaus and his character development to a punchline what I want? God no. I'm so tired of it. I don't care how satirical the show is. Pick on someone else, lmao. I know he's the fandom fav which translates somehow into making him the target for the worst disastrous twists, but LET THE DUMB GAY DANDELION REST.

I saw someone write an alternate theory which I now have forgotten but I KNOW I reblogged it so please feel free to go digging in my reblogs.

Other thoughts: You can tell by the way he's the only one looking a different direction, Five is still the real leader, and I'm glad Luther gave up on that, bc he's Ferdinand the Bull and it doesn't suit him to be all stressed out and bossy. He picks up siblings and throws them down stairs or strangles them when he's overwhelmed, haha DDDDD: Anyway, poor Fivey never wears civilian clothes, except that One Time when he and Klaus went looking for Klaus's birthmother (they are good for each other and need to just like...get in a fucking car and leave again. LOL).

Ben and Viktor look hot but also confused which, fair, especially in Ben's case since he's a Sparrow and a moody Edgelord who needs hugs, lol. And possibly a more dangerous enemy than Reginald, which I frankly hope brings out Klaus's "I'm a big harmless sweetheart who finally snapped a la Katara bloodbending in Avatar" moment. I Need It. Literally every other sibling has had the chance at a minor nervous breakdown, come on. Let Klaus not be okay and acknowldge it to anyone who'll listen! And yeah I know his siblings all love him, I've never disputed that once. Sometimes love ain't enough, and needs to pair up with respect. Sad but realistic truth.

Finally, I wanna know if Allison has reconciled with the family and if so, how. She is fascinating and I think her villain era in s3 was 100 percent in alignment with her character development and her lifelong issues with consent (also Reginald's fault!)

This all came out spicier than I meant LOL. Im not snarking at you, anon, I swear. Thanks for sharing <3 I just expect VERY little out of Season 4. Hopefully I'll be wrong! I was similarly wrong with the Loki series, which gsve me a perfect final-arc scenario for my favorite character of all time.

#Anonymous #meta #i dunno more like me being tired #sorry if this is #negative cw #tua spoilers

4 notes · View notes

policemanofprincesspark · 10 months ago

Note

Please god tell me your blog is satire. You can't possibly, honestly, truly think a company would go so far as to literally make a baby just to pretend two of their clients aren't dating.

I'm a Larry shipper, but you know bisexual people exist, right? Hook ups and flings and broken condoms and drunk mistakes all happen. If Louis has a kid, has an honest to god son, that doesn't in any way ruin Larry, Louis or Harry.

"Why has nobody considered that they hired a sperm donor to make a baby that looks like Louis."

Because that is literally fucking insane and so wildly unethical. Louis having a son was handled so poorly, I honestly agree. Weirdly photoshopped pictures, alternating between wanting to push the narrative of Louis being a doting father and trying to bury Freddie's existence, whatever.

But the 1D decoys were literally because the boys were being mobbed the moment they stepped outside of a building. Fans broke into buildings to get at them. Fans hacked security cameras to get at them. They had to hide in decoy vehicles and supply boxes. Decoys are still nothing new or outdated today; multiple celebrities have admitted to hiring them in order to be able to travel in peace.

Honestly, I hope one day you show Louis all the absolutely batshit disgusting crap you're posting and he smacks you into place. Suggesting this movie-esque conspiracy where a company is so anti-gay they literally hired someone to make a living, breathing child just to pretend someone is straight?

Get fucked.

I contemplated answering this ask because it's so hostile and rude, but here goes nothing.

1. These things do happen, and here is the evidence:

If you believe Larry is real and that Louis's and Harry's girlfriends have all been beards, why is this also hard to believe? Like I just said, we now have evidence of this kind of thing actually happening. Look at how much money Harry makes and how much he appeals to women. Any ties to the "big Larry conspiracy" that's been so widespread even outside of fandom for the last 13 years are in the way.

2. Louis having a baby with someone else does ruin Larry. Harry was visibly upset over it, and Louis knew Harry wanted kids with him. I have a good question for you that I genuinely would appreciate an answer to: Why would you still support this relationship if you believe that Louis had an entire child with someone else and Harry was upset about it? Why would you not "take Harry's side" in this situation and stop being a fan of Louis, especially if you listened to the song Kiwi and saw Harry's tears at the GMA interview where Louis confirmed his fatherhood? Because that's what I did when I, for a brief period of time, believed in Louis's paternity.

3. If you understand that the narrative is trying to reinforce that Louis is a doting father when the reality is that he's fairly absent in F's life, do you not see something wrong with that? Do you not see something wrong with the fact that Elounor, the fakest beard relationship of all time, had their break-up announcement exactly one month before F was conceived? That doesn't strike you as odd?

4. Actually, I talked to one of the 1D security members, and he denied that the article was true. So, no, they did not hire decoys for the purpose of protecting the boys.

Proof:

(If you disbelieve in these screenshots, ask me to record it on camera with a separate phone and I will; that way, it won't be possible that I faked it)

Therefore, we have two possibilities. Either the articles were completely fabricated, or the articles were sent out by 1D's management without the security's knowledge as a casting call, and the whole security story was made up. I cannot prove which option is true. So, I am not saying the lookalike sperm donor theory is true. I am merely putting forth the theory with supporting evidence, because it could be true.

#ask #babygate #lookalike sperm donor #brettgaters

3 notes · View notes

sugdenlovesdingle · 4 days ago

Note

I have definitely watched Lou's work before but I can't remember where. Like when I saw him in those earlier seasons - Hen and Chimney begins episodes I recognised him. So, his Dad is also an actor? Wow! I didn't know that! He seems like a nice guy who is generous and kind to his fans. I have most of the ship stuff on 911 muted but I have plenty of Lou appreciation posts on my TL and they are always fun (in a kind way). Carlos and TK are endgame right? But the show is ending? Tbh it is probably for the best. God knows what would have happened to the show under this new "anti-woke" wave in the US. I had a secret wish that the Lone Star and RWRB liberal dream would come true and Texas would turn blue. But alas! Btw Nancy and Marian are as good as canon. Who cares what the show has aired until now? I think canon is overrated. 74 million+ people elected arguably the most powerful person on the planet based on his version of reality 🤷so I am feeling pretty good about my ship bubbles tbh! 😂

yeah his dad played the hulk in the 80s - but he's kind of an asshole and a trump fan. From what i've read in interviews Lou isn't exactly close to him but very close to his mum and sister.

And yeah Lone Star is ending 😢 they basically said it's a money issue but I have feeling it's also because Rob Lowe lost interest and then the house of mouse wasn't interested anymore. But yes, tarlos are endgame!

And I definitely hoped for a RWRB-style result this election. This Dutch satirical news program made a song about it - how we didn't wake up with the "leader of the free world" being a woman, again this week.

including this adorable little girl

singing "the whole world is following that dick again"

#u-changed-my-life

1 note · View note

grazer-razor · 14 days ago

Text

happy all saints eve!

now, you may be thinking, "wait, what? i thought today was halloween?" well, this halloween, i wanted to do something different. instead of celebrating edgy stuff, i'd like to celebrate the day before all saints day- a holiday revolving around the honoring of all saints in the church!

so today, i am going to show you some people you may not know were christians. for obvious reasons, people like scott cawthon and kanye will be skipped, as nearly everyone knows that they're religious.

with that said... let's get started!

1. colonel sanders

out of all the people who could be christians, the last person you'd expect to be a christian would be the guy who birthed one of the most iconic fast food chains that ended up putting him into a dating simulator, and also made a statue of him that basically cursed a japanese baseball team. but as it turns out, colonel sanders himself is a christian!

now, i'm not saying that KFC is chick-fil-a, but in my mind, i can easily envision colonel sanders owning his own chicken restaurant in heaven! :)

2. mr. T

wait, what? mr. T... is a christian? that tough guy who pities the fool... is a christian? that guy who got all his chains from troublemakers he battled during his days as a nightclub bouncer so that he could return them to their owners... IS A CHRISTIAN???

the answer is YES! mr. T IS a christian, to the point where he's appeared on TBN praise!

mr. T may be the last person you were thinking of when envisioning famous christians, but it just goes to show- anyone could be a christian, and even if they're not, anyone can change and start following god- perhaps even you!

3. antoine dodson (bed intruder guy)

for those who don't know, antoine dodson is the bed intruder guy. for those who don't know, something happened involving his relatives, so the police was called. in a news interview, he said some very memetic and iconic phrases, which were turned into a music video. and the rest is internet history.

what you may not know, however, was that at the time, he was going through some sin issues. but eventually, he realized that what he was doing was wrong, and wanted to pursue a walk with god instead!

4. mr. rogers

i think we all saw this coming. yes, mr. rogers was a christian, and how wholesome he was, combined with how he helped children so much and how he supported human rights(he once invited a black person to be in the pool with him, roasting racist people in the family-friendliest way possible)!

mr. rogers is a legend, and when you realize that he was a christian, it becomes very obviously why he was!

5. leif erikson

HEY EVERYONE! IT'S LEIF ERIKSON DAY! HINGA DINGA DURGEN! (swims bed away like a boat)

but seriously, not only was leif erikson the first one to discover america, but he was also a christian... who spread the gospel, in fact!

because how cool this is, i much prefer leif erikson day over columbus day(not to mention that leif wasn't a jerk to indigenous people).

6. the guy who inspired ned flanders (yes, seriously)

now, i heard this from my pastor, so this may or may not be true. ned flanders was inspired by one of matt groening's neighbors, who was a member of Youth With A Mission(YWAM). and not just that, but he even had the same sweater, and perhaps even the same mustache!

but of course, when you're about to make a show based on satire, most likely you're gonna turn your neighbor into a sitcom character. :|

-----

and that concludes this post! hopefully, now you know how many christians are in the world, and whether or not you're celebrating halloween, or all saints eve, i hope that this blowed your mind...

...at least a little bit...

0 notes

fmhiphop · 2 years ago

Text

Ti and Boosie Badazz Resolve Their Beef at a St. Louis Airport

T.I. and Boosie, two southern rap icons, recently came to blows online over a long-forgotten story. But it appears things have smoothed over. A Quick Meetup This past Sunday (Apr 9), Boosie and T.I ran into each other at St. Louis Lambert International Airport. A photo was taken of the pair and quickly spread across social media. Many fans expressed curiosity about the unheard conversation or suspected Boosie wasn’t too happy from his facial expression. https://twitter.com/mymixtapez/status/1645166840178524162 https://twitter.com/_probgb/status/1645253529504829440?s=46&t=05UBURGgp4Pl8V3OWpzCaQ https://twitter.com/fbgduggie/status/1645237383913172994?s=46&t=05UBURGgp4Pl8V3OWpzCaQ https://twitter.com/mike___1000/status/1645428515016265728?s=46&t=05UBURGgp4Pl8V3OWpzCaQ The surprise meet-up follows the Legends Never Die Concert, in which both men performed together. In addition to this, Nelly, Twista, and Jeezy made an appearance at the star-studded event. Since the photo has gone viral, neither T.I or Boosie have made any comment. Boosie Speaks The argument initially started back in February when the 'Wipe Me Down' rapper called out T.I for admitting to throwing a gun charge on his deceased cousin to avoid jail time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Vm9hxyGrII “With the T.I. situation, if he did that – you a fucking rat too,” Boosie said. “I don’t spare no muthafuckin’ body. Because if you doing anything wrong, you doing anything criminal and you cooperate with law enforcement to get you out of trouble – that means you’re cooperating. That means you’re a rat.” He continued to explain, “But I’ma tell you like this. When I saw that, I think, ‘T.I. fucking lying.’ I think he went up there and just got to fucking talking. You think something happen at 17, 18 years old … you gon’ hold that in all them damn time? All this damn time for 20 some years, you gon’ hold that in? And it finally came out?” T.I. Responds In the same interview, Boosie confirmed he’s canceling the joint album with T.I. The Louisiana artist has been a longtime advocate of the “no snitching” policy that has dominated rap culture for decades. Later that month, the ATL star had an interview with Rich Trapper where he claimed his story was largely fabricated. The 42-year-old also clarified the story stemmed from “Humor, sarcasm, and satire”. “It came from a conversation that my partner and I was having, and that conversation was, ‘Hey bruh, if me and you catch a case together and I die before you, it’s mine.’” T.I explained. “He like, ‘Nah, I can’t do that.’ Yes, you can. It’s mine, why can’t you? I don’t understand it. He said, ‘Nah, I can’t do it. I can’t say nothing about anybody who do, but I can’t do it.'” View this post on Instagram A post shared by DJ Akademiks (@akademiks) If that isn’t enough, in addition to this T.I. posted a photo of court paperwork on his Instagram story to clear his name. The 2003 Fulton County case involved an “illegal stop, arrest, search and seizure and interrogation” causing all evidence to be thrown out. This supports T.I.'s story of embellishing the tale with his cousin since a confession would reflect in the court documents. View this post on Instagram A post shared by DJ Akademiks (@akademiks) To further drive the point home T.I hosted a “paperwork party” in Atlanta and publicly acknowledged an absent Boosie. “I just don’t like for a n-gga to God damn get fly then get shy, you hear me?” the 'Live Your Life' Rapper said. “My n-gga, I’m right here in the center, so come on if you got something to say about me, if you think it is what it ain’t. There’s one way to clear it up: pull on up, let me show you what you looking for.” By March, things seemed to have cooled down between the duo. In a TMZ interview, TI denied having any beef with Boosie and said the 'Slayed' rapper simply misspoke. Let's hope these two industry vets can keep things civil. Written by Dreema Carrington Also, follow and like FMHipHop on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook! Read the full article

0 notes

thethoughtsofhers · 2 years ago

Text

Larry

Mar 4. 22

The Lifeguard of Bikini Bottom.

My nickname from me that I gave you

Remember where it comes from or do you need a clue

Hope you know that name was always out of love from me

That day at the beach, me, you, and the dogs looking out into the sea

You told me about your past

Thinking I’d be the one to be your last

When our highs were highs but our lows were lows

Hope you understand this is not me trying to expose

The love I thought I once had

But boy did that shit end real fucking bad

Left me out in the cold, felt like I was cheated on

Probably was if I was replaced as soon as I was gone

Realized my value after you left

Now men just think I’m a motherfucking theft

Playing with their heart and wasting their time

Like I’m committing some kind of fucking war crime

Thought you cared about me, but you didn’t after all

Cause your actions always showed differently causing our downfall

After our fallout, you asked to be friends

Cause the guilt was eating at you to make amends

But after all that helping and the things that I did for you, I felt ashamed

I even burned all them letters and had those pictures unframed

Memories of us riding, smoking blunts to J. Cole

I tricked myself into thinking we were each other’s halves side by side within the soul

Remember that time where we thought we were gonna die?

Together in your car, that moment felt such a high

I knew from the bottom of my heart that I always cared

Had to go to therapy cause losing you had me impaired

Shout out to Usmania, she knows what she’s doing

I know she’s proud of me, after doing all that unscrewing

Took a number losses, but learned a large amount of lessons

Therapy was once a week, eternally grateful for those sessions

You kept telling me that I hate you

But how when at one point I thought it was just us two

I probably did say it and meant it at one point

But that's cause you was already with a new joint

Had devja vu even before you posted a picture with her

Said damn once I saw it, now I see who you really prefer

Already forgot about me, like I was just another option

Heard you, hope you enjoy your new brand of naproxen

Had me looking so fucking stupid

But glad to see you’re happy cause I’m like Eros, you know, cupid

My loyalty runs deep

It’s a personality trait that many and not even you can atone to keep

Getting these thoughts off my chest

Yet here I am, still praying for you, wishing you the best

You know you can’t ever attain to my level

Cause I’ve been focusing on self-growth while you’ve been drinking and partying like a devil

It’s kind of like you got away with doing what you did

Thoughts kept going to the darkest of places, God forbid

Looked at you and thought that’s unfair

Cause I felt like I was living in a nightmare

It took some time for me to move on

I wasn't reading the Bible when I was with you, but it’s crazy what’s said in the story of Babylon

Karma hit em like crazy, according to Christ, the greatest of all men was John

Even after the breakup, I was still hoping for some sort of miracle

That the nightmare was fake but reality crept in and turned me satirical

Looking back I realized we were kind of like my mom and dad

I wonder if you ever tell people if I was the best you ever had

Not looking for any external validation

But for some reason, the thought of it just gives me some sort of fixation

Silly of me for thinking no one will be able to have what I had with you

Isn’t it funny how I thought nobody would come between us two? Now don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not looking to compete

Past, present, future, ex, or next, I hope you treat the girl real sweet

Looking back I realize you weren’t even that great

I think we had unrecognized childhood trauma that put us through that state

So many red flags from you that I brushed under the rug

I said fuck when I realized while I was smoking with that drug

You entered my life to test me, to teach me, and to bring out the best in me

But, the best has yet to come for me and the story of us is now history

I did so much for you and it was all out of love

But I was told it’s something I should be proud of

In a sense, it’s true because it just shows how much I can give

Writing out these thoughts I guess with some sort of resolutive

Remember that day when you rushed us out of the bookstore?

I know it wasn’t your thing, but there was never a lot that I asked for

Of course there’s three sides to every story

Mines, yours, and the truth but it doesn't matter if our love went straight to the crematory

The saying goes, “Love goes both ways”

And little do you know I figured out your one street maze

Realized my potential after you gave me the farewell

Sometimes I wonder if I really put you through Hell

#poem #my poetry #writing

0 notes

whumpster-fire · 2 years ago

Text

A Curated Selection of Tweets from Dread Lord K'thyzyxathrax The Soul Flayer's account @KthyzyxathraXXX

Dread Lord K'thyzyxathrax the Soul Flayer is an evil overlord, accomplished lich king, and one of the most dangerous necromancers in the world. He is also terrible at using Twitter. These are some of his recent misadventures.

CW for dark humor, satire, genocide references, animal death,

The Sans Undertale Incident

I fucking hate all you people trying to "destigmatize" skeletons but especially Toby Fox. People dont even think a walking skeleton is scary anymore. Fuck off its a dead guy walking around with no muscles or tendons. This is an abomination against Gods and nature.

I'm trying to strike terror into the populace here and you are making my job way harder. I'm not saying challenge doesnt breed innovation, wait til you see the shit I have in my dungeon rn, just sayin if I hear one more Sans Undertale joke some of you are gonna have a bad time

Curator's note: replies omitted but you can imagine what they were like

Motherfucker. He says that? How the fuck was I supposed to know, I don't play your stupid preschooler video game about being nice to people.

Shut up all of you. I am not your funny video game skeleton teenager. Power Word: BLOCKED

The next motherfucker who remixes my ominous entrance music with Megalovania will be slowly flayed alive over a hundred year period, and also sued for copyright infringement.

The Mortuary Supply Drama

Since Charnel Chuck's Mortuary Supply Co. has refused to lift my "lifetime ban" on the grounds that they only approve of necromancy for "peaceful purposes" and with the "consent" of those whose remains are being used and have deleted my 1 star Yelp reviews (1/3)

(2/3) I have no choice but to take my grievance to Twitter. Your "code of ethics" is completely discriminatory against my desire to use undead to murder people. Go fuck yourselves. Your business is shit and even if you lift my ban I will never patronize your establishment (2/3)

(3/3) again after the way I have been treated. Your customer service is appalling. And another thing, any "lifetime" ban on me should have expired like a thousand years ago so double fuck you. @CharnelChucks www.CharnelChucksMortuary.com follower horde ratio them. Get their asses

Curator's Note: A followup tweet also posted the address of the business in question. This has not been reproduced due to our policy against doxxing, although it is available on their website.

(4/4) fuck I didn't add enough parts. Your products are also shoddy and overpriced and your storefront is inappropriately brightly lit for your industry. I hope your vampire customers sue you for using fluorescent lights.

(5/4) @CharnelChucks unblock me you fucking cowards. I saw that fucking statement you made disavowing all association with me, and you have no room to talk shit. You still sell products over Amazon.com after the scandal over them staffing their warehouses with (5/4)

(6/4) reanimated corpses of employees who said the word "Union" on the messenger app. Y'all can't take a stand for "respecting wishes of the deceased" and "ethical necromancy" while picking and choosing which evil overlords you work with. Also you refused to honor (6/4)

(7/4) your buy-2-get-1-free sale on crematory urns on my order of 600 urns. There was nothing on your sign about a 3-urn maximum. You assholes owe me $79,999.76. I'm opening my grimoire right now and looking up Power Word: Go Fuck Yourself

The Washington Monument Restoration

To everyone tagging me while they watched the evening news last night:

1: I didn't do it, that was my friend @CardinalCarnage

2: I wish I'd thought of it first, that was fucking hilarious, and I'm impressed with him for getting two 50' solid marble orbs onto the National Mall

3: The Washington Monument was supposed to have balls and a glans in the original plans, but the confederates got custody of the balls in the civil war and at the time an aluminum cap of that size was too expensive so it was downsized.

So actually it's a restoration not a defacement.

4: If you want to see what defacing a monument looks like it wait 'til you see Mt Rushmore

I didnt fucking do anything to Mt Rushmore you idiots, they literally carved it into a sacred mountain just to be dicks to Native Americans. Fucking mortals. But hey thanks for the idea

As an evil overlord I think carving your face into the monument of a people you conquered and oppressed is a pretty swag move but doing dead guys' faces instead of your own is just sad.

I was thinking about re-carving all the major statues into my own face when I take over America but since I'm skeletal people will probably just think it's the same guys except accurately depicting how they look now since they're dead. But then again thats also a power move so still considering it

Retweeted from @CardinalCarnage:

No, I only did the Monument, @KthyzyxathraXXX deserves full credit for filling the Reflecting Pool with blood. Nice job bro, my cultists think it's really cool and so do the boys in Hell

Thanks. Turns out it takes a lot of people to fill that with blood. Really wish there was more of it per body, had to keep healing the sacrifices because I didn't bring enough.

Vulture Culture, The Migratory Bird Treaty Act, and Cincinnati

Really loving the Vulture Culture pinterest boards for inspiration when making new unholy abominations. Newbie necromancers take note: don't limit yourself to using human remains, you will stifle your creativity.

Been making so many "pets" lately I'm actually running out of space, so I'm adopting some of them out. I made this little fella from roadkill on I-64. He's free to a good home. I am not responsible for odor or leakage of putrefying bodily fluids onto your carpet.

Replying to U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service:

Yes those are crow skulls. Nicely spotted!

Replying to U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service:

I didn't sign any goddamn migratory bird treaty.

Replying to U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service:

Fine, I removed and destroyed all the bird parts. JFC tell your followers to cool their jets. I cant believe I found a government body more annoying than the IRS

Tweet made at the US Fish and Wildlife Service

Come get your game wardens. Sorry not sorry but they wandered into my labyrinth of terror and fell in a spike pit. You have 1 week to recover their bodies or I'm using them.

Replying to OSHA:

Don't you fucking start. It's a dungeon it's supposed to be full of deadly booby traps. If you tell me I'm supposed to have railings on a spike pit I installed with the express purpose of people falling in it and dying you'll be first to go when I conquer this wretched land

Replying to OSHA:

No I'm not fucking removing them. Shove a traffic cone up your asses. No weight that's the DOT's thing. What do you even do again?

Really disappointed in the lack of adoption offers. How can you resist a face like this? Yeah the flesh is peeling off. I think the kids today call that Skrungly.

Man this hobby is really addictive. Fuck I'm supposed to be raising armies and pillaging cities but I just spent the last 4 hours sewing a dozen raccoon arms to a dead coyote's neck.

NVM I gave it a petrifying bite and a chain reanimation spell so killing two birds with one stone. Might also transmit rabies. Oh this is gonna be FUN. USFWS don't @ me because I said "killing two birds"

I meant P U T R E F Y I N G bite. Fucking autocorrect. Petrifying bite and chain reanimation would be useless.

Check this out. This buck's antlers carry a whole rack of Multiple Indepently Maneuvering Possums.

Really Autocorrect? You correct Petrifying but let Indepently slide? Whatever. Anyway got a pretty good army going after all. Those possums are MEAN. City of Cincinnati pray to your impotent Gods because I'm coming for you. That'll teach you to lose the superbowl.

Yeah, yeah, I only got as far as Covington and Newport. Fuck off, I know most of you have never invaded a metropolitan area. This was easier in medieval times when infrastructure wasn't so car dependent. 40k casualties is still a productive weekend

I can cross running water just fine. I stopped south of the river on purpose because seeing the other side reminded me of how much Ohio sucks so I decided I don't want it.

Okay fine. I swore a blood oath to never set foot in Ohio again after losing a hundred bucks on the superbowl this February. Exact wording was "until an Ohio team wins a Major League Sports championship" so in practice never.

Catapulting diseased corpses across the river is fair game. Have fun with that.

@CardinalCarnage appreciate the offer but seriously don't worry about it, that city sucks anyway. Just gonna let it go, pretty sure making "Ohio" no longer exist as a political entity cancels the oath anyway so shouldn't be too long even if their teams keep sucking ass

#Dread Lord K'Thyzyxathrax the Soul Flayer #my writing #epistolary fiction #twitter #humor #dark humor

8 notes · View notes

apenitentialprayer · 2 years ago

Note

Hey, there is a post in the Christianity tag right now about how Satan would be pro-life, whereas God likes indiscriminately killing children, and therefore "If you love Christ, abort a fetus". Theologically, is there any truth to their arguments? It is from user "anotherchariotpulledbycats"

I saw that post, and opted not to respond; it is tagged satire, and the poster even said that they weren't expecting to convince anyone. Because I think any thinking person would come to the conclusion that it is an absurd argument.

Let's put aside the assumption that people under the age of reason go to heaven; we don't know if it's true. It's a nice idea, and I sincerely hope it's true, but it's not something we know for sure. Let's pretend we can know for sure, though. And that we know they would immediately go to heaven.

If we follow this logic, we should hope every person in good standing with God would die, immediately. That's one way to make sure the devil doesn't get any of us, right? If that's all there is to the life we're living, why shouldn't we play it safe and hope and pray that we die as soon as we are sure that we have gotten right with God?

But.... that's not the case. Yes, eternity with God is more important than this life. And this life will be nothing compared to the glory that is to come. But that doesn't mean that this life is meaningless; "I long to depart this life and be with Christ; that is far better. Yet that I remain in the flesh is more necessary for your benefit." Eternity is better; yet this life is necessary.

It's not an either / or kind of thing. This life isn't just something that we have to muddle through to get to the good part. This is not just a test, not an arbitrary chore, not something that we dispose of for something better. This life is a privilege, the means through which we experience joy, through which we love, through which we sanctify, through which we grow into who we are called to be. Eternity exists in this life, is planted in this life; it survives this life when everything else dies, yes, but it is not antithetical to this life.

Christianity is a sacramental religion; the physical world is the space in which the Divine seeks its home. Life in the here and the now is a love story, and it's filled with hurts and pains and temptations, but it's also filled with hopes and aspirations and the ability to love and to be kind and to be compassionate.

Eternity shouldn't be the reason that we see our limited time here as worthless; eternity should be the wellspring we draw from to live romantically, to live with kindness and caring for others, to live. Live, and draw as much of that life as you can with you into eternity. Live, and experience what is true, what is good, what is beautiful. Live, because even when things are at their worst, there are still new joys.

#asks #Christianity #Catholicism #sacramental #sacred mundanity

13 notes · View notes

aspoonofsugar · 3 years ago

Text

I saw your Blake/Weiss post and I absolutely loved it! Tho i think the attempted themes fall flat somewhat, because atlas’ classism didn’t destroy it, Salem destroyed it, she used the classism to help her but if Salem hadn’t shown up atlas would continue to be classist and would be non the worse for it

I’m also not sure I share your optimistic that the people of atlas at large will follow Weiss’ footsteps lol! Jacques was a prick to his dying breath, so was madam, I’m not expecting any better from Henry marigold

Hello anon(s),

I am glad you enjoyed my meta even if you disagree!

Before answering your questions, though, I think a premise is necessary. RWBY is a story whose main theme is neither classism nor racism, but this:

Ozpin: But perhaps victory is in the simpler things that you’ve long forgotten. Things that require a smaller, more honest soul.

At its root RWBY is an adult (young adult?) fairy tale, that tries to answer this question. What would win in human hearts between hope and fear? It explores how humans can be both heroes and monsters:

Pyrrha: It's not about why; it's about knowing. Understanding dark and light helps us manifest our Aura. Everyone has some of both.

It aknowledges humanity’s worst traits, but in the end it shows and celebrates its best ones.

This is RWBY in a nutshell and it is totally fine if people are not interested or want a story that explores social issues like classism, racism, disability and gender more in depth. That is fair. What is not fair imo is expecting a story, which is crystal clear in its tone, plot and purpose to suddenly become a satire or to magically give the perfect answer to worldwide problems that are still far away from being solved irl.

This doesn’t mean the way RWBY tackles certain issues can’t be critized of course. Still, one should aknowledge the kind of story RWBY is aka that of a bunch of teenagers fighting a thousand year old witch that symbolically represents fear, hatred, grief and every negative emotions humans have.

This is the main conflict. It is not fighting for Faunus Freedom or Solving Classism. Those are subplots and secondary themes that tie into the main conflict with Salem and make the central thematic question of the story richer...

Will humans choose to be heroes or monsters?

Let’s now see your questions/considerations.

Atlas’ classism didn’t destroy it, Salem destroyed it, she used the classism to help her but if Salem hadn’t shown up atlas would continue to be classist and would be non the worse for it

I mean, this is literally how stories work

1) Salem is not a real person, but a character in a story and characters in stories (especially fairy tales) have symbolic roles and meanings. Salem embodies everything negative about humans and makes use of those same bad traits to further her plans.

It is clearly stated in story:

Ruby: But that’s how Salem got this far - by dividing us. We have to stick together.

Oscar: No. What Salem wants is to turn us against each other. Just like this. Jaune has a point. We can work separately and still be united.

If humanity were able to overcome fear, distrust and hate, Salem would not be a real threath. Honestly, if humanity were united, they could just give her the relics, call the Gods and solve it once and for all. The problem is that they aren’t. Hence Salem has a fighting chance of destroying the world together with herself.

2) Stories work through conflicts. Characters are put into situations that test them and if they overcome their flaws, then they succeed, while if they do not they fail.

The Atlas Arc works in the same way. Sure, Salem appears with the Grimms, but Atlas loses the war specifically because of its shortcomings. Atlas has isolated itself, alienated the other kingdoms and weakened Mantle. If they had acted differently, they would not have lost the war.

For example, if the conflict between Mantle and Atlas had been less severe a lot of problems (if not all problems) in volume 7 would have been avoided. If Ironwood had not decided to sacrifice Mantle, there would have been 0 internal conflict, which would have led to a more cohesive and eventually more successful strategy.

In short, Atlas as a whole is tested through Salem and the Kingdom is destroyed because it could not overcome its own flaws in time. Even the destiny of Atlas and Mantle people is highly karmic.

The majority of the people of both Atlas and Mantle are slaves to the same toxic mentality:

Drunk Mann: We try and help the other Kingdoms, and this is what happens? I say let ‘em rot!

Disgruntled Grandmother: Do we really gotta shack up with those animals down in the slums? I’d feel a lot safer being up in Atlas.

They aim to be on top and disreguard those below them... well, guess what? Now they are literally below everyone else in Remnant. They have nothing and can only ask for hospitality to the poorest Kingdom. A Kingdom they look down to and have exploited in the past. They can only hope that Vacuans do not share their same Atlesian mentality :P

Finally, it is not really Salem the one that wins the final fight, but Cinder. She is the one that defeats both Ironwood and the heroes endangering and killing civilians in the finale:

Well, Cinder is nothing, but a product of Atlesian society. She is an abused child that was taught that in order to have the right to exist she should aim to be on top. She embodies Atlas’s point of view. Look up and stomp on those that are down. Well, it is this forgotten child of Atlas the one that starts Ironwood’s spiral. It is her that manipulates the general into leaving his people behind and it is her the one that gleefully watches Atlas falling by the end.

So, yeah, symbolically Atlas loses to a monster the Kingdom itself created.

Obviously, not all people of Atlas would change for the better, just like not all the Faunus would let go for their hate for humans and vice versa. Still, once again, RWBY is a story and stories have key characters playing key roles that can lead to a change of the world.

This is an advantage stories have over the real world :’’’)

For example, isn’t it convenient in Atla that there is an exiled Fire Nation Prince, who is not so bad and is perfectly positioned to become the new Fire Lord taking away the problem of what to do with the Fire Nation once the war is over :P ?

Well, RWBY is the same. Remnant is a world which is clearly going through a huge trasformation. A whole Kingdom fell, which clearly will give space for new countries and people in power to rise (cough cough Menagerie for example :P).

So, it clearly does not matter if Henry Marigold changes or not LOL what is he even gonna do? He has no privilege anymore. He is a nobody in a desert with no resources nor abilities. He can only hope on someone else’s help. This is true for all the people of Atlas.

They fell, but survived. Now, they are gonna be challenged once again. Will they overcome their flaw or will they not?

Will humanity choose to be heroes and to survive together or to be monsters and to die together?

What is Blake’s new approach to the White Feng? Is it just to help humans hoping it somehow fixes sistemic oppression?

The White Feng canonically is no longer a thing or if it is, it is waaaay weaker than before. Many of its most violent members were arrested at Haven and later on Adam kills many others.

Right now, there is a new pacifist Faunus movement led by Ghira that has already gotten results:

Blake: Saving Haven had a huge impact on how Faunus are seen in Mistral. Now it’s up to you all to take the progress and keep running with it.

Ilia: Right. The White Fang may have been a failure, but with your father starting up a new movement, I’ve got more faith than ever before.

So, in story Blake’s actions at Haven have already helped in narrowing the Faunus/Human divide. Is everything fixed? Nope. Will everything be fixed by the end? Probably nope, but since the world is clearly getting through a crisis and a huge war, a new order is bound to appear by the end.

And I am expecting this new order to be or at least to have the potential to be better than the old one.

Obviously, this new order or this chance of a new order won’t be reached through protestors, but it will be a consequence of the conflict with Salem:

I don't wanna hear your absolution; Hope you're ready for a revolution. Welcome to a world of new solutions. Welcome to a world of bloody evolution. In time, your heart will open minds, A story will be told, And victory is in a simple soul.

No matter what both Faunus and Atlesians think. Things simply can’t go back to the way they were. They can either spiral out of control and in this case humanity is doomed or they can go slightly better if humans stand together.

In short, anon, I think that what you want is the story of a minority that fights against a corrupted society and changes it. Or the story of a corrupted society that has to face a resistence born because their oppression is too much (the Hunger Games). That is a wonderful story, but it is not RWBY. The 1000 year old witch kind of takes the stage in terms of conflict and characters’ priority. Blake obviously still cares about Faunus, but she wants to first save the world before fixing it. Similarly, Weiss dislikes Atlas’s ideology, but she still thinks that leaving the people of a whole Kingdom to die is wrong and acts to save them.

Their specific arcs are more metaphorical representations of what is going on with the world itself rather than strictly tied or meant to fix those issues. Obviously both girls will have a role in fixing or at least making things better, but surely not alone and still in the context of their conflict with Salem.

Now, it may seem that imo there is nothing to criticize about how RWBY treats these issues, but this isn’t true. I think the theme of racism kind of falls flat because they were too passionate and ambitious when it comes to Blake’s arc and tried to fit in too many things :’’’) The result is a little bit too much simplistic imo. Even if still thematically coherent.

That said, I think the intent of showing the transformation of a universe through a larger conflict by using the development of 2 girls’ is lovely and very clear in its execution.

Thank you for the asks!

#rwby #asksfullofsugar #anonymous

16 notes · View notes

blackswaneuroparedux · 3 years ago

Text

Anonymous asked: As a beginner in Classics I love your Classicist themed posts. I find your caption perfect posts a lot to think upon. I suppose it’s been more than a few years since you read Classics at Cambridge but my question is do you still bother to read any Classic texts and if so what are you currently reading?

I don’t know whether to be flattered or get depressed by your (sincere) remarks. Thank you so much for reminding me how old I must come across as my youngish Millennial bones are already starting to creak from all my sins of past sport injuries and physical exertions. I’m reminded of what J.R.R Tolkien wrote, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” I know the feeling (sigh).

But pay heed, dear follower, to what Menander said of old age, Τίμα το γήρας, ου γαρ έρχεται μόνον (respect old age, for it does not come alone). Presumably he means we all carry baggage. One hopes that will be wisdom which is often in the form of experience, suffering, and regret. So I’m not ready to trade in my high heels and hiking boots for a walking stick and granny glasses just yet.

To answer your question, yes, I still to read Classical literature and poetry in their original text alongside trustworthy translations. Every day in fact.

I learned Latin when I was around 8 or 9 years old and Greek came later - my father and grandfather are Classicists - and so it would be hard to shake it off even if I tried.

So why ‘bother’ to read Classics? There are several reasons. First, the Classics are the Swiss Army knife to unpick my understanding other European languages that I grew up with learning. Second, it increases my cultural literacy out of which you can form informed aesthetic judgements about any art form from art, music, and literature. Third, Classical history is our shared history which is so important to fathom one’s roots and traditions. Fourth, spending time with the Classics - poetry, myth, literature, history - inspires moral insight and virtue. Fifth, grappling with classical literature informs the mind by developing intellectual discipline, reason, and logic.

And finally, and perhaps one I find especially important, is that engaging with Classical literature, poetry, or history, is incredibly humbling; for the classical world first codified the great virtues of prudence, temperance, justice, loyalty, sacrifice, and courage. These are qualities that we all painfully fall short of in our every day lives and yet we still aspire to such heights.

I’m quite eclectic in my reading. I don’t really have a method other than what my mood happens to be. I have my trusty battered note book and pen and I sit my arse down to translate passages wherever I can carve out a place to think. It’s my answer to staving off premature dementia when I really get old because quite frankly I’m useless at Soduku. We spend so much time staring at screens and passively texting that we don’t allow ourselves to slow down and think that physically writing gives you that luxury of slow motion time and space. In writing things out you are taking the time to reflect on thoughts behind the written word.

I do make a point of reading Homer’s The Odyssey every year because it’s just one of my favourite stories of all time. Herodotus and Thucydides were authors I used to read almost every day when I was in the military and especially when I went out to war in Afghanistan. Not so much these days. Of the Greek poets, I still read Euripides for weighty stuff and Aristophanes for toilet humour. Aeschylus, Archilochus and Alcman, Sappho, Hesiod, and Mimnermus, Anacreon, Simonides, and others I read sporadically.

I read more Latin than Greek if I am honest. From Seneca, Caesar, Cicero, Sallust, Tacitus, Livy, Apuleius, Virgil, Ovid, the younger Pliny to Augustine (yes, that Saint Augustine of Hippo). Again, there is no method. I pull out a copy from my book shelves and put it in my tote bag when I know I’m going on a plane trip for work reasons.

At the moment I am spending time with Horace. More precisely, his famous odes.

Of all the Greek and Latin poets, I feel spiritually comfortable with Horace. He praises a simple life of moderation in a much gentler tone than other Roman writers. Although Horace’s odes were written in imitation of Greek writers like Sappho, I like his take on friendship, love, alcohol, Roman politics and poetry itself. With the arguable exception of Virgil, there is no more celebrated Roman poet than Horace. His Odes set a fashion among English speakers that come to bear on poets to this day. His Ars Poetica, a rumination on the art of poetry in the form of a letter, is one of the seminal works of literary criticism. Ben Jonson, Pope, Auden, and Frost are but a few of the major poets of the English language who owe a debt to the Roman.

We owe to Horace the phrases, “carpe diem” or “seize the day” and the “golden mean” for his beloved moderation. Victorian poet Alfred Lord Tennyson, of Ancient Mariner fame, praised the odes in verse and Wilfred Owen’s great World War I poem, Dulce et Decorum est, is a response to Horace’s oft-quoted belief that it is “sweet and fitting” to die for one’s country.

Unlike many poets, Horace lived a full life. And not always a happy one. Horace was born in Venusia, a small town in southern Italy, to a formerly enslaved mother. He was fortunate to have been the recipient of intense parental direction. His father spent a comparable fortune on his education, sending him to Rome to study. He later studied in Athens amidst the Stoics and Epicurean philosophers, immersing himself in Greek poetry. While led a life of scholarly idyll in Athens, a revolution came to Rome. Julius Caesar was murdered, and Horace fatefully lined up behind Brutus in the conflicts that would ensue. His learning enabled him to become a commander during the Battle of Philippi, but Horace saw his forces routed by those of Octavian and Mark Antony, another stop on the former’s road to becoming Emperor Augustus.

When he returned to Italy, Horace found that his family’s estate had been expropriated by Rome, and Horace was, according to his writings, left destitute. In 39 B.C., after Augustus granted amnesty, Horace became a secretary in the Roman treasury by buying the position of questor's scribe. In 38, Horace met and became the client of the artists' patron Maecenas, a close lieutenant to Augustus, who provided Horace with a villa in the Sabine Hills. From there he began to write his satires. Horace became the major lyric Latin poet of the era of the Augustus age. He is famed for his Odes as well as his caustic satires, and his book on writing, the Ars Poetica. His life and career were owed to Augustus, who was close to his patron, Maecenas. From this lofty, if tenuous, position, Horace became the voice of the new Roman Empire. When Horace died at age 59, he left his estate to Augustus and was buried near the tomb of his patron Maecenas.

Horace’s simple diction and exquisite arrangement give the odes an inevitable quality; the expression makes familiar thoughts new. While the language of the odes may be simple, their structure is complex. The odes can be seen as rhetorical arguments with a kind of logic that leads the reader to sometimes unexpected places. His odes speak of a love of the countryside that dedicates a farmer to his ancestral lands; exposes the ambition that drives one man to Olympic glory, another to political acclaim, and a third to wealth; the greed that compels the merchant to brave dangerous seas again and again rather than live modestly but safely; and even the tensions between the sexes that are at the root of the odes about relationships with women.

What I like then about Horace is his sense of moderation and he shows the gap between what we think we want and what we actually need. Horace has a preference for the small and simple over the grandiose. He’s all for independence and self-reliance.

If there is one thing I would nit pick Horace upon is his flippancy to the value of the religious and spiritual. The gods are often on his lips, but, in defiance of much contemporary feeling, he absolutely denied an afterlife - which as a Christian I would disagree with. So inevitably “gather ye rosebuds while ye may” is an ever recurrent theme, though Horace insists on a Golden Mean of moderation - deploring excess and always refusing, deprecating, dissuading.

All in all he champions the quiet life, a prayer I think many men and women pray to the gods to grant them when they are caught in the open Aegean, and a dark cloud has blotted out the moon, and the sailors no longer have the bright stars to guide them. A quiet life is the prayer of Thrace when madness leads to war. A quiet life is the prayer of the Medes when fighting with painted quivers: a commodity, Grosphus, that cannot be bought by jewels or purple or gold? For no riches, no consul’s lictor, can move on the disorders of an unhappy mind and the anxieties that flutter around coffered ceilings.

Caelum non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt (they change their sky, not their soul, who rush across the sea.)

Part of Horace’s persona - lack of political ambition, satisfaction with his life, gratitude for his land, and pride in his craft and the recognition it wins him - is an expression of an intricate web of awareness of place. Reading Horace will centre you and get you to focus on what is most important in life. In Horace’s discussion of what people in his society value, and where they place their energy and time, we can find something familiar. Horace brings his reader to the question - what do we value?

Much like many of our own societies, Rome was bustling with trade and commerce, ambition, and an area of vast, diverse civilisation. People there faced similar decisions as we do today, in what we pursue and why. As many of us debate our place and purpose in our world, our poet reassures us all. We have been coursing through Mondays for thousands of years. Horace beckons us: take a brief moment from the day’s busy hours. Stretch a little, close your eyes while facing the warm sun, and hear the birds and the quiet stream. The mind that is happy for the present should refuse to worry about what is further ahead; it should dilute bitter things with a mild smile.

I would encourage anyone to read these treasures in translations. For you though, as a budding Classicist, read the texts in Latin and Greek if you can. Wrestle with the word. The struggle is its own reward. Whether one reads from the original or from a worthy translation, the moral virtue (one hopes) is wisdom and enlightenment.

Pulvis et umbra sumus

(We are but dust and shadow.)

Thanks for your question.

#question #ask #classical #greek #latin #horace #poetry #literature #arts #cambridge #classics #personal #study #habits #reading #books #culture #personal growth

70 notes · View notes

lucky-katebishop · 4 years ago

Text

8 Underrated Comedy Mysteries

So weird comedy tv shows are kind of my niche, and I realized I’ve seen a few comedy shows that revolve around mysteries and an intriguing plot line, so I wanted to make a list to share them in case you haven’t heard of them! Not all of them are mysteries, like Miracle Workers, but it does have a plot that puts you on edge and every episode does end with a cliffhanger, so I’m adding it!

1. Santa Clarita Diet

I’ve already talked about this show on one of my previous posts, but that’s because I love this show so much and is actually the one that inspired this post! Santa Clarita Diet is about a woman, Sheila, who mysteriously becomes undead, and her family who try to talk her out of her impulsivity to kill anyone she sees and get away with it. Her husband Joel tries to figure out how she became undead, how to stop it, while also trying to keep Shiela’s murders under wrap so they won’t be caught. The characters are adorable, the women are badasses and the men have the most respect for women, and the comedy is top notch. Every time I watch it, it blows my mind that all three seasons take place over the course of like two or four weeks because that’s how much shit they have to get through just to survive. It’s a tad gory, especially with the first episode (there’s a huge vomit scene but that’s easily skippable) but if you don’t mind blood and guts, this shouldn’t be an issue! It was cancelled with three seasons but I still say it’s well worth the watch!

2. People of Earth

People of Earth is about aliens! It centers around journalist Ozzie who is investigating reports of alien abductions and meets a support group of alien abductees all the while actual aliens are looking at them from above. This was also cancelled but it’s a great mystery show which always ends on a cliffhanger. What makes it even more intriguing for me is that the aliens are able to go undercover as human beings so they can make sure that their identities aren’t being figured out, so it’s a great comedic fish out of water sort of thing. You’ll fall in love with the rag-tag team of alien abductors and abductees as you unravel whether or not the people of earth find out about what’s been going on. The comedy is witty and smart and you’ll quickly find that you won’t be able to stop laughing and watching.

3. Search Party

This show is a fantastic millennial play on Nancy Drew (kind of like if it were mixed with Girls) where the main character, Dory, finds out that an old friend of hers disappeared and she becomes obsessed with it, trying to string along clues in order to find her along with the help of her self-obsessed friends. It’s so much more than I expected it to be, and I promise you, don’t give up on this show. The first episode is a bit rough but once you get going, you’ll become even as obsessed as Dory to solve the mystery of Chantal’s disappearance. I didn’t end up watching the other seasons, as I found season one to be so good that I was afraid of ruining the show for me (I kind of saw it as a perfect limited series and I was too scared that would be ruined) but from what I read, it’s still going strong with four seasons!

4. Barry

Okay, so this one isn’t that underrated, I’m sure you’ve heard of it, but it’s still nonetheless a very good show and I had to add it. It’s about character Barry who is a hitman who, while on his way to finish off an assignment, finds himself in the middle of an acting class and falls in love with it. He finds that giving up his old habits isn’t as easy as he expected them to, and he finds the balance between living a normal civilian life and carrying out the duties of his mercenary job a difficult thing to do, especially considering Sallie, an incredible actress in his class that he finds himself falling for. It’s hilarious, it’s depressing, it’s magnificent, it’s everything you didn’t expect but love and I really recommend this show to everyone (especially those who also had that weird Bill Hader phase after IT: Chapter Two came out). The reason I’m putting it in this category is because there is a mystery every season of whether or not his acting friends are going to find out about his secret life, and it’s very interesting and it always has me on the edge of my seat.

5. Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

What more could you want besides Elijah Wood, corgis, cute British detectives, badass female characters, and a really cool murder investigation? Oh, and a punk band! It’s been a few years since I watched it, so my memory is a little hazy on the plot, but what I can remember it’s about Todd (played by Elijah Wood) who becomes the main person of interest for a murder which he didn’t commit. Todd meets Dirk Gently, a man who claims that everything is holistic (meaning that everything everywhere is fundamentally connected in ways that is up to the universe), who begs him to join his detective agency to figure out the murder, which strings them along a very weird and very connected case. It has two seasons but was sadly cancelled, but the two seasons are extraordinary and hilarious.

6. Trial and Error

Trial and Error is about new defense lawyer, Josh, going to goofy and backwards town South Peck to defend Larry Henderson who is being accused of killing his wife. It’s a hilarious take on murder mysteries, and each episode brings with a new piece of evidence. It has a wonderful father/son bonding relationship between Josh and Larry, and a colorful cast of misfits and oddballs who are all trying (in the words of the show) to get Larry off. I couldn’t praise this show more because of the goofiness and satirical nature of the jokes, all the while being incredibly heartfelt. It has two seasons, with season two revolving around the defense for self titled “Lady Killer” Kristin Chenoweth’s Lavinia Peck.

7. Miracle Workers

What more could you want besides Elijah Wood, corgi- oh wait, sorry, this is Daniel Radcliff, my bad. An anthology series, the first season deals with angels Craig and Eliza who try to convince Steven Buscemi’s God not to obliterate the earth with the help of his right hand man Sanjay Prince by answering a miracle: getting awkward dorks Sam and Laura together. They only have two weeks to answer this prayer, which is a lot harder to solve when everything is going against them, including extremely shy Sam and Laura. It’s hilarious, it’s witty, it has Daniel Radcliff, I mean this is an extremely amazing show! Season two has nothing to do with a mystery, and revolves around the same cast as different characters in the dark ages, but I still highly recommend that one as well because it’s just as funny.

8. Russian Doll

Thursday. What a concept! (Yes, that’s what that gif is from and in context it’s highly hilarious) This show is about Nadia, a woman who keeps her feelings to herself and her opinions out in the open, on her 36th birthday, who finds herself reliving the same day over and over again. She tries to solve the mystery and how to get out of that ridiculous time loop when she meets Alvin, a man who is also in the same time loop. It’s a story about love, friendship and loss, and I cry like a baby every single time I watch it. It has some of the most incredible writing and the pacing is excellent. It’s four hours of pure genius but it does also deal with trauma and depression so please check out the warnings. It came out in 2019 and I’ve watched six times, that’s how much I love this show!

That’s the end of my list, I hope you agree with the shows on here and give me some recommendations if I missed some of your favorite mystery comedies. :)

169 notes · View notes