#I said it's done eat your food
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Uhhhh. We're having beef carpaccio tonight! With vegetable soup from scratch!!
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vector portrait for digital imaging class of RGB!! hey go read The Property of Hate if you haven’t already btw it’s an amazing comic by @modmad that i’ve been hotglued to since my junior year of high school.
big thank you to mod for giving their permission/blessing to wrestle with this horrible tv bastard in adobe illustrator for the express purpose of shilling him and this comic to my unsuspecting class <3
(edit: god okay pls click for fullscreen. hogy shit)
#tpoh#the property of hate#rgb#modmad#there’s a lot more i was planning to do w this but bleeeegggggjhhhh#i don’t own a laptop so i have to do all my hw for this class in the library + i live off-campus + i had office hours that day#7 hours in the library fighting with adobe illustrator on 5 hours of sleep and no food in my body said No You’re Done Now Actually#i have another project coming up that uses this one in it so i’m gonna get to make a diptych of this motherfucker next >:3#tpoh’s been eating my brain again as of late holy hell the hyperfixation clobbered me#what the fuck is my art tag. do i even have an art tag#my art#nox art#there. perfectly serviceable >:p#btw the working file name for this was actually horribletvbastard.ai so . now you know that i guess#yes the halo effect is intentional. no i don’t no how to use adobe illustrate. further questions may be taken outside#anyway THANKS MOD I LOVE YOUR BOY AND YOUR COMIC AND YOUR ART <33333
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hold on im still too mad at this one fucking guest to take a nap i need to be a hater for a minute
#so when i say hell on earth kinda day i mean HELL ON EARTH kinda day#we had a large bus travel group from slovakia and then some other guests and it was almost a hundred people for breakfast#the bus group all came at the same time they descended onto the buffet like fucking seagulls i swearrrrr#and i divided tasks like i had two helpers with me in the kitchen so one guys job was just to gather dirty dishes + washing + taking clean#ones back out#and the other guy running around the buffet checking whats needed + restockjng the cold food + telling me all the hot stuff that needs#refilling. so i was in the kitchen making all the hot foods on constant rotation + chopping fruits and making smoothies and shit#and like we managed. WE MANAGED. the buffet was never even half empty at any point like yes there was always something that was empty but#dude who cares if the vanilla yoghurt is empty for 5 mins just pick something else.#and everyone was happy with their breakfast and really nice when asking if we have more of this and that etc and then there was one lady#this ONE FUCKINGGGG lady i swear i almost threw hands#she was complaining about everythinggggggggggg#about there not being any more fried eggs (already in the pan. done in 2 mins. but when helper nr2 told her that she said well why did we#run put in the first place) about the bread station being full of crumbs like girl its BREAD. my giy was running up and down the buffet#wiping it off and cleaning as fast as he could but if you allow people to cut their own bread there will be fucking crumbs. the fuck.#then she also didnt like how the butter looked bc OBV people kept using the butter and no matter how many times you go in and make it look#neat again as soon as the next person takes some it will not look picture perfect anymore#like while i was running back and forth restocking stuff with my arms full she TOOK MY ARM and pointed at things and was like#'this looks shit' so does your fucking face but you dont see me getting physical about it#and then when i came out with a big tray of fresh glasses and cups she pointed to where someone had spilled some water at the dispenser and#went 'there is water on the buffet' (far away from any food + literally its just water) and i said 'yes i know' and she goes 'well it doesnt#look very appealing. this is the worst buffet ive ever seen' and i go 'well surely you have seen how busy we are' and she FUCKING GOES#'i dont care. i paid money for this.' and i go 'well that makes two of us for not caring. we'll get to it when we have the time.' and she#said something else idk what bc i was finished with my task and had SHIT TO DO BC PPL WERE STILL EATING#so i just turned and ran back to the kitchen to keep working#actually i got back to the kitchen and said to guy nr1 'i need to go punch something' and then went out the back and started kicking the#shit out of a pile of paper boxes and THEN i continued working#and then she started TAKING PICTURES of everything she didnt like of the buffet like full offense i hope she gets hit by a bus#like with some people you can just tell they never worked a day in the service industry and no matter what you do theyll keep complaining#anyways :) tag limit. apparently. so its nap time now. honk shoo snork mimimi and so forth <3
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i dont know who needs to hear this but youre allowed to eat. youre a human for fuck's sake you need food to live just like everybody else. you deserve to have a full belly and youre allowed to eat things you actually like. just by the way.
#i know its easier said than done#but please dont beat yourself up for feeding yourself#you arent bad for eating#eating healthy doesnt mean eating less#dont skip your meals#eat. food.#health#positivity#healing#mental health#support
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Not sneeze just mental health rambling in the tags
#I’ve spent a very long time trying to change my brain so I can just operate at a neurotypical level#it’s always been impossible and I feel like shit for it#so recently I finally just said#I am not neurotypical and never will be no matter what I do!#so I need to be kind to myself and make the accommodations I need for myself!#which is a work in progress but idk. it’s kind of painful that the neurotypical people in my life act like I’m asking for an arm and a leg#when I’m very genuinely asking if slight changes could be made between us#I absolutely don’t expect anyone to change their lifestyle for me or anything#it’s stuff like not holding long conversations when I’m in the middle of writing because it messes up my flow#and I tell my family beforehand! hey I’m gonna write for a couple of hours does anyone need anything from me before#and they say no! but then ten minutes later will start telling me a story about their day#which I’m okay to hear BEFORE I start a writing session or AFTER#and I goddamn communicate that!!! but they act like I’m asking for nobody to ever speak to me again#another thing is that I CANNOT eat anything past an expiration date#I know it’s still probably good but my brain will just keep saying YOURE GONNA DIE OF FOOD POISONING#so say the half gallon of milk is past its date#I will buy a fresh one to start using myself but I don’t toss the old one because I know others don’t care as much#and they they complain that I’m wasting milk#like I’m sorry it’s 1) my money and 2) how is it being wasted when y’all are happy to drink it til it’s done?#idk man!! neurotypical people sure do say that shit should be easy for neurodivergent people#but they sure do struggle to be slightly accommodating without bitching#idk rant over peace out
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me and the generic extra strong Tylenol and the pure rage in my system
#Every once in a while I think. It’s not too bad home. I’m over dramatic. It’s not bad and it won’t be bad when I go home and never been bad#Then actually think and remember#I shouldn’t have been hit as a small child. I thank god that my parents stopped that with me.#But also. I should have been taken seriously when I went To them with concerns and shouldn’t have been brushed off.#But also to be a 14 something year old and to realize your parents aren’t in love is a crushing feeling#Since that must have been when. 13-14. Appa passed. Pandemic times. I’m sure my father. Since this would have been the last time I saw Appa#We went down to visit. Dad didn’t go he had work. He sent us off. I remember sitting in the passenger seat by mom in driver#Dad praying for our safe travel and for him going in for a kiss and the moment of hesitation and unwant from my mother#And the awkward silence and the way everything seemed to just shift to the side#That was summer of 2019. My first time realizing my parents weren’t both in love happened when I was 13-14.#I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.#And going to college has me feeling so guilty. Like I fucking ditched my siblings? The kids I raised as a child myself?#(I had to go. I don’t know if my scholarship would have held I don’t know if my financial aid would have held. I couldn’t have waited. )#(I would have likely done something bad to myself. Genuinely. If I weren’t able to be here. If I had to stay. I wouldn’t survive that.)#my siblings are fine. They have no responsibilities. My sister is manipulative. They will manage. They want me to get the education I need#They aren’t going to have to use their own college money to pay to be able to eat because the parents won’t feed them for the summer#I went into college with at least a couple hundred less than I should have. Because I had to parent. I had to feed my siblings.#And I had to pay to fill the gas tank on my father’s gas eater truck. We couldn’t be home because of the selling home situation.#I had to do something to get us out and to feed us but I didn’t get paid back for anywhere near all of it#I don’t regret it. But a kid shouldn’t have to pay for them and their siblings to live.#But then I remember the dread I have for returning ‘home’ for the breaks. I don’t know what I’m going to do.#If I can’t work all of the breaks then I either won’t be able to pay next semester#Or I’ll have almost no money in savings. Like nothing to my name. Can’t buy gas. Can’t do anything. Can’t buy food.#Unless the next scholarship stuff I’m doing pulls through. But I’m willing to work the whole break just to get away from either house.#I want to violently shake my parents and get them to comprehend#Father you have dropped 260$ into my bank account in the last two weeks. Why could this not be earlier in the semester.#Why couldn’t that be in the time and fashion you FUCKING PROMISED for helping me pay my schooling?#You have money to spare. Stupid. Why couldn’t you help like you promised.#Mom you fucker. I get that you are kinda with a new man now. But you’re leading yourself into a relationship with a man you said yourself#You don’t want to date because he wants to move away with his sister and because he hates it here
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wakefulness comes with a ✨price✨
#still can’t believe my bro actually rented a car just to drag me out of bed… granted it was on my dime but. smh#he’s a decent driver though. napping in the backseat was quite comfortable#still can’t believe my family tbh lmao. i told them many times that all i wanted to do today was to sleep#b u t they had somehow latched on to a passing remark i made like over a month or so ago about wanting to eat burgers from a certain place…#‘it only comes once a year; you can sleep after you leave your job on friday—’ they said… so welp.#man. at least i got good food and a few new plushies out of it. so it wasn’t all that bad… i think#either way i’m truly grateful to my mother and bro for everything. don’t tell them though; it’s embarrassing#u m. anyway. i guess i’ll finally have time to resume idol sengen after i’ve caught up on sleep?#i’m gonna try to zoom through the next 2 vols before mona’s album comes out s o. well. um. i’ll do my very best!!!!!#remind me to make the masterpost thing free for rbing once im done with it bc. y e a h.#anyways!! gn!! i gotta go fill up some forms or something before i forget lol. have a great week ahead!!!#l o r d i just realised i forgot to off rbs again aaaaaaa my memory is getting worse with age frrrrrr
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"i thought you said you'd make an effort" MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS ONLY COMPLAINT #1 OUT OF A VERY LONG LIST JUST BE GRATEFUL I CAN WAIT UNTIL THE GUESTS ARE GONE TO SNAP
#YEAH I MAKE AN EFFORT THATS WHY I ONLY COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STUFF I REALLY CANNOT DEAL WITH LONGTERM#god#it's just#incredibly annoying how my mom just goes OUT OF HER WAY to shrink the scope again when i just explained to her what would work#''so you can't speak up and if we do nothing it doesn't work'' yeah no shit then speak up YOU then. like i just said you probably should#i mean. you did say you don't control what guests bring. BUT YES YOU DO#yes you can speak to them about it#you can discuss and make it less systematic#you can express your thoughts#so you actually just lie to sympathize with me but you don't give a shit#and yet you still act like you tried everything like you just don't know what else could be done#i told you what was my problem i told you what would make it better#say you have other priorities#say you expect me to make an effort and not to be the fucking freak i was my whole childhood#that you were kind enough to tolerate most of the time#even though i was sooooo fucking weird when you knew i had problems but couldn't categorize them so why would i need to do things different#say you don't understand why i hurts me if i can ''try to make an effort''#sorry the only kind of family reunion we have is food-based and i can't try and have good relationships w my family if i dont can it#and eat whatever's in front of me so that they can be happy i'm finally normal and grown up#god jesus christ#yeah it IS your house and i don't get to veto or force anything#dont act surprised when your smart plan for dealing with difficult things is expect your kid to shut the fuck up about any problem they hav#and then huh. weird. your kid isn't happy.#i try to foster a good relationship holy shit#i try to go past the things i don't like and compromise and engage w them#how is that not doing my best#i'm sorry i don't feel great when difficult things happen and also i can't control any of it#when you can and you've also shown me many time i can't expect actually meaningful support from you#broadcasting my misery#vent
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My parents should be fuckin ashamed
#you borrow 80 bucks then can only find me 21 back then i put that 21 into good for your kids then spend the rest of my paycheck getting#diapers pull ups medicine more food for kids and then i fill up the 15 passenger van and then when dad asks why i don't have money to eat#on my lunchbreaks at work like I'm some over spending wild irresponsible bitch when he's the one going to concerts and paying for fancy dat#s and jewelry for his gf and buying groceries for her but you know it's fine#take all my time and energy#so that i literally am a zombie and fall asleep on the very very very limited free time i get#(after doin extra chores to earn said free time)#wo that i fall asleep half way in which isn't fair to my partner and isn't fair to me#take all my income so i cant afford anything#take all my time#take all my energy#YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED YOU GROOMED ME AND MESHED THE FAMILY'S ENTIRE LIFE STYLE FOR ME TO BE LIKE THIS#I CANT MAKE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS BECAUSE I JUST CAN NOT FUNCTION IF I'M NOT GIVING EVERYTHING TO SOMEONE#IT SUCKS I HATE IT#THEY'LL NEVER ADMIT THEY FUCKED ME OVER#EVER#THEY'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING TO FIX IT OR CHANGE#AND I HAVE NO HOPE FOR ANY CHANGES#MY LITTLE SIBLINGS SEE WHAT I DO FOR THEM AND THEY HUG ME AND TELL ME HOW MUCH THEY LIVE ME#'thank you so much for taking care of us' that tell me all the time 'you do so much for us'#it breaks my heart i wish i could give them the world i love them so much they deserve so much better#my mom lost her chance to be decent my dad better learn soon otherwise all his kids minus his favorite will hate him#i love ny parents#and i know they live me and my siblings#but they groomed me into the most miserable personification of elder daughter syndrome and they should be ashamed for what they've done#and be ashamed that they sucked so bad that they're own child had to step up
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me, looking at my baby cousin with eyes full of care and love: i love you!
my cousin, briefly glancing back to me from watching tv: yeah ok
#like. you buttfart id give both lungs for u 😭#hes so sassy and hes growing up and talking a lot more the cutie#i need yall to know moments before this i said im going to the bathroom and he grabbed my hand and went 'lets go!'#he was very disappointed when i told him adults go to the bathroom alone 😂😂#he also jumped on me while i was laying on the couch#after he was done eating his dinner and w mouth full of food#peeked up at me and went 'heheh. cheese on your shirt'#and im there like :| thats a new shirt u adorable gremlin#aunty soph rambles on#but hes the cutest kiddo in existence ok. i never knew id care for another human this much#burrito talks#delete later
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.
#btw this isn’t like a sad vent i just can’t sleep and figured i’d talk on here for a bit#so i have an ear infection (pain i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy fr it is so bad)#and the pain for the first 3 days was AKSJQJWJSJJAJAJAJSJWJSJSJSJSHSJSJSHSH like i was writhing in a hot bath with my eyes shut#gripping the tub walls and shit couldn’t play music or anything to distract myself bc it hurt too bad#and i went to doc the day after it developed and got antibiotics and was taking a shit ton of ibuprofen and acetaminophen#and the pain reduced a lot after those first few days (thank fucking god. the only thing more painful that i’ve experienced was foot surgery#and that was on my bones). but my ear is completely clogged#can’t hear shit at all and for the past week it’s been draining tons of disgusting pus and other fluids#like fucking soaking and staining parts of my pillow from all the liquid 🤢#but i finished my course of antibiotics and was trying to go abt my life#messaged the doctor after a while like ‘hey i’m done with the antibiotics and the pain is better but i cant hear anything#and i’m literally leaking everywhere all the time’ and they were like ‘your symptoms will resolve w time’ and i said ‘how much time’#and they said ‘weeks idk’ and i was like fuck alright but i guess this isn’t that bad#and THEN the day before yesterday i was eating lunch and noticed that my bottom lip felt numb or something like weird#and i kept having to wipe drool and food off the corner of my mouth which is not normal for me and it was freaking me out#and by evening by eye is constantly watering and i can’t figure out why like there’s nothing in it to irritate it#and the next day i go to work and by the time I’m done with work I’m like this is not right and bc i’m a hypochondriac i’m like#‘am i having/did i have a stroke’ and so i go through the FAST stroke symptoms thing (face / arms / smile / time)#and i realize that i cant SMILE like the right side of my mouth will not do it and it’s all lopsided so i freak out and call my mom#she’s not sure that it’s a big deal at first but then she’s like okay make a dr appt bc something is up#so i call dr and luckily there’s an urgent care w our insurance that’s still open and she takes me there an hour later#turns out 1) the ear infection never went away and it’s still swollen and inflamed to all hell 2) i’ve developed swimmer’s ear on top of it#(which i’ve had many times before when i was an active swimmer so that’s not that bad)#and 3) and most importantly i’ve developed something called bell’s palsy which is partial facial paralysis#caused by the infection damaging my facial nerves#so the right side of my face (infection side) is partially paralyzed#most noticeably in my bottom lip and my eye#in that i am having trouble doing things like blowing air out of my mouth#sucking on a straw or eating food (soup was a nightmare) or smiling or drinking etc#and my eye can’t fully close bc the muscles don’t work so i’m constantly crying out of that eye and it’s getting more and more irritated
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Uhhhh. We're having beef carpaccio tonight! With vegetable soup from scratch!!
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lots of people in the comments of the ace support post like “well i support it but i don’t think it’s a sexuality it’s just a feeling” “if asexuality is a sexuality then atheism is a religion”
ok so you think being ace is a choice like atheism? it’s just a feeling?
we all know your sexuality isn’t a feeling, it’s a way of life, a way of interacting with the world, one of the core pillars of Who You Are. being gay or a lesbian or bi is important to you.
it’s the same for aces. being ace isn’t a feeling, it shapes how you see and interact with the world. it’s wild to me how sexualities get to be this whole living thing if they’re allo, but the second it’s asexuality it’s reduced to just a feeling. like it’s not a whole lens through which you view the world. like it’s not important.
y’all seem to think that just because it’s called “asexuality” it’s nothing. like all the allos have different pizzas of different flavors and aces are empty-handed. you fools. aces are eating garlic bread
Reblog if you think asexuality is a legitimate sexuality.
I'm trying to prove something.
#was all of that just for a garlic bread joke? well…#also obligatory ‘if you can’t have garlic or bread please imagine i said a food you can eat’#but jokes aside asexuality has all the trappings of a real sexuality it’s just that people don’t respect it because they think it’s lesser#🤷#asexuality#and to the atheism point#if you imagine it as worshipping different gods in different ways and we are simply a church without a god#your analogy makes way less sense#also some people would argue that atheism is a religion. womp womp#ok i’m done
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After a fall out with one of my best friends, the news that my cat might be ill, my back pain returning in full force, having to work overtime, not knowing what to get my nephews for Nikolaus or Christmas because my brothers and sisters in law never have time (or motivation..) to see me, having a hardcore week while coming home 2 hours after my shift ended because the busdriver didn't pick me up after I waited 50 minutes for my bus, having the emergency shift at work from Saturday to Sunday, baking cookies for my nephews on Sunday morning you know what happens? When I'm finally done with it? On the night before Monday where I have another 9 hour shift?
I get another biliary colic.
And after the hotline for the nightshift doctors were beyond unhelpful and the colic finally ended I took a nap, got up and went to my 9 hour shift of work.
I've never been this close to say fuck it, go to my doc and tell her I need time off right the fuck now.
#i didnt even eat food that could explain it#my doc said my gallbladder is empty#fucking hell#i got tomorrow off to go to the dentist#but another colleage is sick so i might have to work in the afternoon#if my boss dares to give us a fucking bread spread again for christmas this week i think ill rip him a new one#fuck off to your fucking chalet in switzerland#im so fucking done.#personal
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It’s almost 6 a.m and I can’t sleep because I’m being plagued by thoughts of The Latest OC
#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#Jia is genuinely making me lose my mind#right now the aftermath interests me a bit more because I live for emotional whump and angst#just.. imagine being her parents#you beg for your daughter’s life and your plea is listened to. she’s released. having proved herself useless. you barely recognise her#she’s nothing like the upbeat and cheerful girl you raised who loved working in this palace. who loved her lady#she’s so thin. hollow cheeks and empty eyes. she barely reacts to anything but Lord Jusamah’s voice which makes her flinch#you’re afraid to even hug her in case she disappears like a ghost would. something is very very wrong with her#you remember the rumours that she was tortured for the information. she looks like she’s starving#it’s clear she was hurt. she wouldn’t act like this if she wasn’t. you’re scared to think of what is hidden beneath her clothes#you want to lunge at Lord Jusamah and strangle him with your bare hands. inflict everything he’s done to your daughter on him tenfold#but you can’t. he’s rich and you aren’t. he has power and you don’t. if you try.. none of you are seeing the sun ever again#you barely care. it would be worth it. but you have two other children to worry about. and Jia deserves her freedom#so all you can do is drop to your knees. press your forehead to the floor. and thank him for his kindness#you tell Jia that you’re taking her home. alertness returns to her for but a moment#‘home?’ her whisper sounds so sad. so broken. you can barely stand it#you rush home as fast as you can. she’s so skittish it hurts. she feels the sun on her face and doesn’t move for a good 10 minutes#you can’t bring yourself to say anything. one of you goes ahead to warn the family so the children won’t crowd her#you finally make it to your house and Jia looks at it as if it was a mirage. she touches the wall to ensure it’s real#the first thing you do is help her take a bath. the sight of her back fuels you with bloodlust. there’s no untouched spot on it#your sweet gentle girl was whipped until criss crossing scars covered every last inch. it must have been hell#you bandage her wounds and take her to eat. she gorges herself on it as if someone would take it away. some light returns to her eyes#she always had a good appetite. at least that didn’t change. after lunch you let her sleep in your own bed#instead of making her share with her siblings and cousins. she needs space. she passes out the second her head hits the pillow#you stay and keep watch. and when the first night terror occurs. you’re ready. her screams are impossibly loud#you wake her. calm her down and hold her hand as she falls back asleep. recovery won’t be an easy road#but you walk it anyway. and with time. she gets better. she returns to her old self. only some traces of that horror remain#she’s happy again. smiles a lot. helps out. plays with the younger kids. she’s the Jia you know and love#she has nightmares. her scars hurt. no one touches her back. she’s paranoid about food. but she’ll be okay. you’re sure of it#(I reached the tag limit again but at least I said all I had in mind. but I could probably ramble on about this for ages…)
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I am able to avoid disturbing thjngs usually but then sometimes I can’t and I have to think about that thing for one hundred minutes until I have solved it (does not work)
#when I was a kid my mother told me that you have nightmares about things in the back of your mind#and so I developed a habit of thinking about every terrible and upsetting thing before I went to sleep in order to avoid having nightmares#she told me her mother’s advice about nightmares which was to think of Disneyland and then all her nightmares were about Disneyland#also she said that eating pickled food at night gave you nightmares?#my grandmother told her that so it is probably a polish thing#I wish I was afraid of like normal fears like heights or spiders or something#I’m kind of afraid of very little except very basic parts of being alive and the function of the human body#as well as stuff like accidental cannibalism and having to hide a murder from the police#which are like not situations I’m likely to encounter#I don’t think I have exceptional fears or anything for the record#oh well I am done being worried about the thing so I can move on with my life
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