#I said I wasn't gonna put negativity on main

[momentsofamber]

whenever I see a blog that posts tcoaal content in the main tags but then I open the blog and their pinned post says something like 'I'm proship but I don't ship or support incest' I swear I take psychic damage.

like friend, you played the game the internet has literally labelled The Incest Game(tm).

and this is nothing against people who ship oc x canon, or prefer Andrew x Julia or Ashley x Julia, or people who selfship with the sibs, or anything like that. having a shipping preference is not the same thing as blatantly ignoring the canon incest or invalidating other fans.

but if you 'don't support incest' I am absolutely baffled as to what made you want to play The Incest Game(tm) in the first place, and also what made you think interacting with the fandom would help you avoid said fictional incest content ???

[nervocat]

I love my cat sm

[jujubabesblog]

🩰🌸My first manifestation success story🌸🩰

I really want to thank @pinkchrissysposts , I took her advice of affirming and her tips for affirming is really amazing too it's been about a week we last texted I send her ask but she left😔.

Also her tip for affirming is pretty amazing I'm gonna copy paste what she recommended me.

"OK here when we get random negative thought we start believing in which cause us to get in the negative state,we are not looking for the proof in the 3D,it's just a random thought we unconsciously start to dwell on by re affirming it,you might notice that when we are ina negative state,we also get positive thought like "no it's not true I'm just overthinking" but again you start negatively thinking despite the fact that everything is OK because you choose to believe in that random thought that's trying to scare you.

So when you are affirming for your desire example 'good skin' even if the 3d is showing you something else ignore it and rather embrace the positive thought/affirmation,believe in the affirmation. When we focus on believing the affirmation rather then looking proof you will realize what wish fulfilled really mean,you can try out a small or even big desire but remember manifestation should be fun,take it as a fun challenge and affirm for whatever you want and remember what I said not for 3d but to just believe it as a fact."

I'm so thankful for her advice,she recommended me to take a break and calmly decide what I truly want,and I finally decided to affirm just as she recommended and I notice so much changes after a day of robotically affirming.

Basically what happens is when you are more focus on trying to believe the affirmation rather then making it 3D,the 3d does start to feel useless or powerless,even when I was sweating,I wasn't worried about it,the affirmation "I never sweat" start to feel more powerful then the 3D. I just affirmed it for fun robotically not to see it in 3D but to believe in it AS A FACT and that lead me in the state of wish fulfilled.

From my very own experience what I think happens is that when we affirm and put our whole attention on just believing the affirmation instead of paying attention to the 3D and looking for results,we detach from our desires or you can say outcome all we want is indeed just the feeling of having the desires. When I did what she suggested I stopped getting doubt because all I had to do was believe that I have my desires,even if I don't have it in the 3D,my subconscious got fooled because it doesn't have any eyes and I got my desire in 4 days I haven't sweat in a week and everyone keep asking what perfume i use:).

As someone who have aphantasia this was such a 360° for me,when I was in was practicing states it was really hard when bloggers would tell me even with aphantasia people can manifest,I would get frustrated and cuss at their text,and my faith and trust on loa was starting to fade but i decided to give affirmation a chance and i read many a +p posts but no one ever recommended and motivated me to affirm like how chrissy did. I'm gonna be starting my void/shifting journey since I now know exactly what to do.

I will be post my void progress on my main account @jujubaaevoid

Xoxo <3

[cassiebones]

Please Chill

Please, I am begging you all to chill out. I'm speaking specifically to my wlw Agatha fans right now. Even more specifically to the ones who are angry that the last episode revolved around Teen/Billy.

He is a main fucking character. His backstory is important to the plot. We only get nine episodes in this series and the plot needs to move forward. We cannot do that without revealing who he is and what his motivations are, from a storytelling standpoint.

I studied creative writing in college. I worked really fucking hard to get into my program, too. I took classes on novel writing, mainly, but also in screenwriting and playwriting. I took classes on TV writing in the mid 2010's at a time where the trend was shifting to streaming services putting out entire fucking seasons at a time.

But I remember having to wait a week for an episode of a show I loved. I remember what happened to my favorite wlw characters. I remember being absolutely devastated by Lexa's death in The 100. I know you're scared of it happening again, but there is so much evidence on the contrary to prove that it's not going to happen here.

Firstly, I don't think for a second that some of the actresses who signed up for this would have done so if they thought they were going to pull the same shit. I don't think Jac or Kathryn or fucking Aubrey, who legit said that she signed up because it's a queer show, would do that.

But i don't know. Because the show isn't over. We have three episodes left over the next two weeks. I, like you all, am praying that they're not about to pull some bullshit, especially considering the majority of their current fanbase is comprised of queer people.

But you can't just call them lesbophobic because they focused on a canonically gay character rather than your favorite lesbian ship for one(1) episode. They have confirmed that Rio and Agatha are estranged exes. They showed us so much flirting and yearning and longing. From a storytelling standpoint, they are building that tension for a great payoff. Its's gonna happen. Please, just be patient.

I was upset, too. I did not want them to shift focus to Billy. When I saw that that was going to be the majority of the episode, I was upset. I made a couple posts about it. But I still watched and it was honestly a pretty good, important episode. And fucking funny as all hell. We truly saw the aftermath of Wanda's actions. Wanda, who wasn't trying to be malicious or harmful, but she still caused so much harm.

As much as I would have loved to see Rio, I understand why she wasn't in this episode just yet, but she'll likely be in the next one. It was probably only like 2 minutes after he threw them into the mud that Agatha crawled out. Also we see Lilia and Jen in future promos, so they'll be fine.

I predict that the next three episodes are going to be longer and more plot heavy moving forward. I really hope we see more of Agatha's delusions from the POV of Rio, because Kathryn Hahn and Aubrey are fucking hilarious and I know it's going to be just as funny as last night's Teen POV.

I want to see people theorizing about the next three episodes and what's going to happen and how they're going to rectify anything, but I'm seeing so many negative posts about why your favorite lesbians didn't kiss or fuck yet on this Disney show. Please, just be fucking patient. It's coming.

That being said, if I am wrong, I will be the first to admit it and be super salty about it. I hope I'm not, but who knows? I'm not going to make a snap decision either way. You shouldn't either.

[carto0ncritter]

PLEASE DO NOT HARASS THIS PERSON.

I'm genuinely tired of HB/HH/Vivziepop stans putting words into my mouth.

"You literally hate everything about the show"

Fyi, I didn't hate the premise. I also don't hate: 1) The animation; 2) The voice acting; 3) The potential the show had, and hopefully still has, since it will apparently have at least four seasons.

But ever since HB went from being about the misadventures of assassins in Hell, into a romance drama between two characters who are clearly toxic for each other, that's when I started hating the plot. The third point you made is true, I do hate the plot, and I will continue to do so, unless all this focus on an abusive gay ship (Stolitz) shifts back to what got me and a lot of other people into the show in the first place. And no, I'm not going to stop being vocal about it just because someone else told me to. You're on the internet buddy, learn to accept the fact that not everyone will have the same opinions as you.

And that's really NOT something to get worked up about.

"Just stop watching it if you are this upset about all of this"

Maybe you should stop going into the critical tag if you know that what you're gonna find there will upset you. Just a thought.

And if you've come across my post by searching "blitzo" "moxxie" "millie" or "loona," all you had to do was read the very first sentence I wrote (having to do about my issues with the latest episode) and click off my post because clearly criticism of your beloved show triggers you. And no, I won't stop tagging the characters like this even if I have something negative to say about them. This perfectly explains as to why:

"You hate the main character"

Which one? If you mean Blitzø, then no. I don't hate him. I literally said it in the tags.

But if you mean Stolas, then yeah, I hate him. So what?

"You hate most of the characters in general"

If by most characters you mean Stolas, then yes, I do.

But uh... I don't hate any other character aside from maybe Loona? She's written so inconsistently. There's no real development when it comes to Loona. She acts like a huge bitch and a spoiled brat despite receiving love from her dad for five years straight. She is a grown ass woman who kicked Blitzø in the balls after telling Octavia that Stolas is "trying his best" when he clearly wasn't. She physically abused Blitzø just because he called her out RIGHTFULLY, remind me why she didn't beat the shit out of him again in the latest episode after Blitzø wanted her to overwork herself AND didn't pay her for a month?

Oh and there's also the time Loona cheered for Blitzø, tucked him in and called him dad. Why is she abusive towards him in the very next episode?

That's the inconsistency I'm talking about.

As for the other main characters:

I genuinely relate to Octavia. And I feel sorry for her. Enough said.

I don't care about Millie. It's too little too late for that.

I'm not sure how to feel about Moxxie. Where is his character arc even going? What is his character arc? Learning to stand up for himself for the millionth fucking time?

Stella is a wasted character whose only purpose is making Stolas seem "innocent." I hate what the writers did to her.

Also yes, I dislike Viv for reasons that are 100% valid and available to the public, so I'm not making stuff up.

[ultimateempath]

Alright, I've been seeing an unnecessary amount of negativity towards the direction Horikoshi & MHA took, particularly about the main league members deaths, so I'm gonna put my two cents in here: I'm not bothered by their deaths, I don't think it could've gone any other way. My reasoning is below the cut.

First and foremost, Horikoshi doesn't like happy endings. A bittersweet conclusion was the best we were gonna get from the beginning, we've known this for a while.

Even if they had survived, the league would never be able to live the kinds of lives they wanted. Like it or not, they committed many acts of murder and terrorism. Their life after the war more likely would've consisted of prison and/or possible execution. Even if they were rehabilitated and let out of prison, they'd still be exposed to public scrutiny and ridicule. Eri wouldn't be able to rewind them to children ro anything either, she wouldn't be able to do that much at her current skill level even if she still had her horn.

Dabi refused to listen to reason and his physical & mental states were rapidly deteriorating as he was entirely consumed by vengeful rage and despair, so it was unfortunately only a matter of time for him.

Toga willingly chose to risk her life doing something good for the woman she loved. She wanted to live the way she wanted and die the way she wanted, she wouldn't have been able to do either if she survived.

Kurogiri was already dead to begin with, he deserves to finally rest in peace after being stuck in such a torturous existence for so long. Mic & Aizawa have to grieve all over again and that sucks, but it was for the best.

Tomura loved the league more than anything and wasn't just going to walk away from them. Passing ofa to him was the only way to reach Tenko, even if it meant his body would crumble. You also have to remember that they were fighting afo again too! He wasn't keen on letting Tomura go, that finishing multi-punch was their only remaining option. The crying boy was saved and Tomura was finally at peace in the end, thats what matters.

Lastly, to the people who are upset about Izukus reaction and him not being very upset about being quirkless again and not saving Shigaraki: izuku is bottling up his emotions and claiming that he's fine, putting everyone else before himself. That's his whole thing, there was a whole arc addressing this exact issue. Plus after afo took over again, Izuku straight up said that he just wanted all the hurt to be over already.

[thehorrorsoftheblackbunnymask]

This is for the high school AU because I completely forgot Liu was there, but can we get some head cannons for him?

High School AU Liu Headcanons

Warnings: Violence, Manipulation, rape mentioned but it's brief, alcohol.

Bro is a loner like EJ, but just like EJ it's by choice. Liu isn't really the type to want a lot of attention, and honestly wants to be mostly unknown.

Liu doesn't really do drugs like the rest of the people in the High School AU, but he does drink alcohol, he has a whole stash hidden in his closet. After what Jeff did to him, bro is still severely traumatized, even tho he forgave him, so he copes through alcohol. One time his parents found it and he was grounded for over a year, but that was his freshman year, he's grown now.

He found out about you through his brother. The two of them were walking home together and Jeff just wouldn't shut up about you, so this caused Liu to try to figure out who you were.

The moment Liu saw you, he fell in love. The way you walked, the way you talked, and just your overall appearance was like a drug to him. He came up to you after school when you were sitting on the curb waiting for your friends to leave their classed. Liu is a charmer and kinda flirtous, so that's what he did when he came up to you. The two if you talked for a while, and he made you blush a few times and got you to laugh.

Liu is so protective it's not even funny. Bro doesn't take shit from nobody, not even his own brother, and it's caused him to get into a shit ton of fights, and Sully instigated most of them.

Liu on his own is such a sweetheart, or that's what he wants you to think. He always offering to walk you home and giving you gifts. But this boy is crazy two faced, Sully doesn't influence him as much as he let's on. Liu is extremely smart and plans his moves carefully, so whenever he slips and let's his darker side shows, he lies and says it was Sully, even if Sully wasn't active.

Not gonna lie to you, Liu is extremely arrogant and full of himself, just like his brother. It's not obvious at first, but if you pay attention to his words and actions you start to catch on, but once you two start dating it's just so obvious.

Liu's main goal is to get you to date him, mostly because he has a massive crush on you, but also he doesn't want anyone else to have you. But once you two start dating, that's when you realize how much of a monster he is.

You didn't know he was an alcoholic until the two of you started dating. When you came to his house, he opened his closet and pulled put a bottle of liquor. And he's a violent, Emotional drunk too, so if you say something that pissed him off, you better run.

Liu is also extremely patient, which is a positive and a negative. He's willing to wait months until the two of you start dating, but if you're crying and pissed off at him because he said something that actually cut deep, he'll just sit there and wait for you to stop. Liu's pretty apathetic, and he may be extremely protective over you, he can honestly care less when you're mad at him because he hurt your feelings while he was drunk.

He kinda has a EJ situation going on. Kind, caring, calm and mysterious at first, but once you two start dating, you're trapped. Because Liu is possessive, once he has you, he's not letting you leave him. The moment you bring it up, Sully would slap you, not Liu, Sully.

You know about Sully, but you never actuly got meet or interact with him, and once you do, you never wanted to leave Liu so fast. Sully is a monster, he's pinned you down and placed a gun to your head, begging you to try and fight back, and he pulled the trigger to. You though you died, but then you heard, laughing? When you opened your eyes, Sully was laughing while saying that the gun was empty, and how cute you looked all scared and shit.

One thing about Liu too is that he could care less about sex. His sex drive is so fucking low, and he'd rather beat the shit out of you if you fucked up then fuck you. So, unlike most of the people in this AU, he's not a rapist. He respects your sexual boundaries and he also could care less about sex.

[coimbrabertone]

Indycar Left Me Pleasantly Surprised, and That Makes me Happy.

The weekend started on a rather negative note for Indycar, with Penske Entertainment CEO, for reasons nobody can quite understand, deciding to pick a fight with Pato O'Ward. Pato, an extremely popular driver hailing from Monterrey, Mexico, has pushed hard for Indycar to race internationally, particularly in Latin America. In response, Mark Miles said that Pato would need to be more popular to make that happen, that he's not as big as Adrian Fernandez was, that he isn't on billboards. Mark Miles finished off on a note that Pato's popularity was growing, but the damage was done.

That, combined with Indycar trying to ease expectations by saying they expected just 15,000 fans per day at the Milwaukee doubleheader, really put me into a pessimistic mood on Saturday morning.

I figured that the race was going to be an easy win for Penske based on how the other short ovals - Iowa and Gateway - have gone. So the best I was expecting was that it would be Scott McLaughlin instead of Will Power or Josef Newgarden.

Then, on top of everything else, we found out that Milwaukee lost its lights at some point since the 2000s, so if the Saturday evening race went too long, we were gonna be at risk of getting called for darkness.

It wasn't looking good.

But then...the race started.

Immediately Santino Ferrucci and especially Conor Daly made audacious passes around the outside, making the uppermost groove work through turns one and two.

Then on the backstretch, it almost turned into a pack racing type deal, where if you had to check up on the backstretch, you immediately lost momentum and you were at risk of getting passed. It was pass or be passed, and that made any start or restart scenario chaotic in the most entertaining way possible.

It was already looking racier than expected, and that was before the two properly old school things kicked in. One: there was actually lapped traffic to contend with, Milwaukee's a short track and there are big speed differentials, so it's not an Iowa type scenario where the backmarkers are as fast as the leaders. And two: the speed differential got bigger because there was actual tyre wear all weekend.

Fresh tyres were worth a second a lap, so we got to see things like drivers pitting early to get massive undercuts, backmarkers on fresh tyres carving through the leaders to get their lap back, and massive closing rates when drivers had a tyre offset in their favor (more on that when we talk about race two).

And to top it all off, we got drama!

Marcus Ericsson and Josef Newgarden, who did battle at the Indianapolis 500 in 2023, came together in turn two. Marcus was trying to send it up the inside of Josef, tried to keep it in the middle groove, and Josef tried to hang it around the outside to get the better exit onto the backstretch. Marcus put a wheel onto the black stuff on the side, spun out, and hit Josef backwards first, knocking the both of them out of the race.

This launched the final phase of the race, with Will Power leading a group of cars from midfield on a longer strategy, whilst Pato O'Ward led the main group on the undercut strategy. Pato pit on lap 186, Power cycled to the lead, but almost as soon as he did, Colton Herta lost a tyre and brought out the caution.

Power and Conor Daly had to pit under caution, Pato cycled to the lead, and the race restarted with a battle into the sunset stint. Pato tried to break away, Power used the strength of his Team Penske car to push through traffic, while Conor Daly used his 'round the outside strategy to make up ground, these three would be the top three.

Power closed in to Pato O'Ward in lapped traffic at one point, but Pato was able to get through and win the Hy-Vee Milwaukee Mile 250 - Race One.

It was the perfect narrative, with Pato O'Ward's popularity being questioned in the morning, to see him come back and win from sixth? With the crowd erupting into cheers as he did so? It was perfect.

Because Pato is popular.

And despite all the negativity, when Indycar hits, it still hits.

Speaking of the crowd, it was also better than expected. Instead of the 15,000 that Penske Entertainment warned about, the ultimate crowd ended up being closer to 20,000.

That being said, with the race starting into the afternoon and getting to just about sunset - I think in the end, we got the race done twenty-five minutes ahead of the darkness call - there was a bit of a question mark over how the Sunday race in the heat of the day would be.

I was worried that the teams would figure out the pit cycle and we'd lose some of that chaos and some of that pace difference.

However, there was nothing to fear, because Sunday's race started out with chaos from the get-go.

First of all, we missed the initial start when championship leader Alex Palou failed to start with some sort of reliability issue. The championship got blown open at the penultimate race with none of us knowing whether or not Chip Ganassi Racing would manage to get him out again. They eventually did, with just a few more hiccups, and we got around to the proper start of the race, when we just got another dose of chaos!

The back of the field failed to bunch up for the start, so Indycar waved off the start. However, with the whole field anticipating a start and a lightboard flashing green even as the starter waved the yellow flag, we saw an incident.

Marcus Armstrong in third checked up and went to the middle, trying to avoid Josef Newgarden in first, but with his teammate Linus Lundqvist in third trying to get the jump, it would up being just the perfect angle for Lundqvist to spear Armstrong into Newgarden, wrecking against the inside wall.

And just like that, Josef Newgarden, the oval master, was out.

And attrition was back in force on Sunday, with Conor Daly, Nolan Siegel, Pato O'Ward, Linus Lundqvist, and Marcus Armstrong all retiring whilst Alex Palou scrapped for whatever points he could twenty-eight laps down.

Back up front, we saw the Penskes of Scott McLaughlin and Will Power jockeying for position whilst the other teams tried to get the jump on them. Alexander Rossi in the sole remaining Arrow McLaren did his best to replicate Pato's win, undercutting virtually every time, but more often than not, it seemed to drop him in heavy traffic, allowing Will Power and Scott McLaughlin to hold onto the lead.

Eventually, Scott got the jump on Will, and then Power blew the championship wide open again by spinning on a restart.

Power was able to continue, but he gave Palou a lifeline.

Meanwhile, Colton Herta and Scott Dixon changed strategies, saving a bit and trying to cut out a pitstop to make the track position play, succeeding and cycled around twelve seconds off the lead.

And Scott McLaughlin was flying, making up multiple seconds a lap, swallowing up Dixon and eventually, taking the lead off of Colton Herta. However, Alexander Rossi stopped later than McLaughlin and head even fresher tyres now, so he was the fastest of them all, having passed Dixon, and now starting work on Colton Herta for second. At the same time, Herta was stabilizing a bit, gaining every once in awhile as Scott struggled with traffic.

We had a race on our hands.

And then Sting Ray Robb brought out the caution, bringing the leaders into pitlane again. Nobody had fresh tyres at this point though, so they switched to whatever tyres they had access to. Here, Alexander Rossi's crew got the jump on Herta, cycling into second.

It was going to be Scott McLaughlin in first, Alexander Rossi second, Colton Herta third, and Scott Dixon fourth.

However, Alexander Rossi spun up the tyres on the start, used up all the life left in his tyres, and lost out on the restart. This bunched up Herta and Dixon, with Scott eventually moving into second, ahead of them both.

It was now going to be a battle of the Kiwi Scotts, and before the race was over, they caught lapped traffic again.

Dixon gained big, but McLaughlin just managed to hold him off.

McLaughlin won for Team Penske, another Penske win on a short oval, but the way it happened...nobody was gonna complain about that.

Two popular winners on two different races, but both were great.

I have to admit, I wasn't expecting Milwaukee to be this good.

As an Indycar fan, after like two straight years of underwhelming news, it feels so good to be pleasantly surprising by the series. It feels so good for a weekend to go better than expected.

And attendance was even better on the second day, at just over 20,000 for a total weekend attendance of right around 40,000. A whole ten thousand better than expected. Life's good.

Elsewhere, tyre pace differences seemed to be the theme of the weekend.

New tyres were king at Darlington with Chase Briscoe and Kyle Busch using them to battle for the win in the closing laps, with Briscoe just managing to pull off the win for the closing Stewart-Haas Racing team. He clinched a playoff spot, at the expense of Chris Buescher and Bubba Wallace who battled hard for the last spot on points, hoping and praying for a repeat winner up front.

At Monza, Charles Leclerc on worn tyres from a one stop just managed to hold off Oscar Piastri on fresh tyres. As much as I was disappointed in McLaren squandering a 1-2, I can't complain about seeing Leclerc win at Monza.

And in MotoGP, Marc Marquez was the only one who could master a tricky repaved MotorLand Aragon circuit, dominating both the sprint and the race. Meanwhile, in the race, we saw championship implications as Alex Marquez slipped wide in the marbles, swerved to rejoin the racing like, and wound up hooking the bike of championship leader Pecco Bagnaia.

This allowed Jorge Martin in second to snatch the championship lead, mere weeks after he lost it to Bagnaia.

Tyre wear makes for great racing, huh?

Shame that, most of the time, tyre manufacturers don't want to see their tyres wearing out and potentially blowing. It makes for a better spectacle, but it doesn't make for as good of a marketing piece for Goodyear...or Michelin...or Firestone...or Pirelli...or whoever your tyre manufacturer of choice is.

[remcycl333]

Is putting my awareness on having it the same as feeling it real? I feel like I put too much pressure on trying to feel how I would if I had it in the 3d and that’s where I struggle. I want to manifest moving out and given the circumstances I need it to reflect asap but idk how to feel it real and not panic when the circumstances are all up in my face and taking a toll on me. I’m so sorry if that was a lot, thank you so much for being so patient.

feeling it real doesn't have to feel like happiness or euphoria! sometimes the feeling of knowing doesn't feel like anything. so yes, as long as you're aware of the fact that you have it in imagination, that's enough! i have a friend who manifested her sp, and she said that the whole time she was manifesting her sp she felt anxious about it every day, but she just stood firm in the fact that her sp was hers and it still manifested!

i went through the same thing while manifesting at first. like when i was manifesting my sp a couple years ago, the DAY before he finally reached out to me i was sooo anxious out of nowhere, constantly thinking about how i much be doing everything wrong bc it wasn't here yet, how i needed to start over, how it'd be days without anything, etc, but i'd just talk to myself and be like "no im doing everything right, i already have it, im good, this isn't gonna effect anything bc its mine" etc.

having feelings of anxiety or worry is not a failure on your part, and they won't mess anything up (unless you assume they will). i've read this somewhere, i think it was twitter but i can't remember who said it, but think about anxiety. it's not logical! usually you feel anxious over something that you think will never even actually happen, but you still feel anxious anyway. or i have friends who sometimes say they're super anxious and they don't even know why. i had social anxiety as a teenager and i'd be soo anxious in social settings. what did i think was going to happen? nothing, but i was still anxious for no reason constantly. and my anxiety never manifested, because even i knew it was illogical. it still hindered me in other ways, but it didn't manifest into negative circumstances in my reality!

re-reading your ask i realize u didn't mention anxiety 😭 but im still gonna keep all that in bc i still think you/other people will benefit from those anecdotes! lol

"idk how to feel it real and not panic when the circumstances are all up in my face and taking a toll on me"

in my experience, you don't need to focus on feeling it real constantly! i focus on feeling it real while im imagining, but during the day, i just shift my state when i need to. that being said, there's no pressure to be in the state of the wish fulfilled every second of the day! the main goal is to enter TSOTWF more than the state of lack, but there's also more states you can enter throughout the day! sometimes during the day you're neither in the state of the wish fulfilled nor the state of lack. there's such thing as a neutral state! so if you're panicking and it's hard for you to shift back to your desired state, you can focus on shifting to a neutral state. you can do this by trying to calm yourself down, talking to yourself, meditating, taking deep breaths, etc. if you need to just take deep breaths and think of something else that has nothing to do with your desire, go for it!

if im manifesting something on a time crunch, it always really helps me to just deep breathe and talk to myself, saying things such as "there's nothing to worry about, its mine, it's promised, everything is going to work out perfectly, my 3D is going to change, my inner man already has it and my inner man is me" etc.

i manifested moving out and this was very helpful for me! i dealt with very toxic, narcissistic parents and my family struggled with money for most of my life. sometimes my parents would be yelling at me for no reason and it'd trigger me bc i was manifesting living in my own apartment on my own. in these times i'd focus on remaining calm and staying in a neutral state. eventually it got easier for me and i'd be able to talk to myself in my head while getting yelled at, saying stuff like "im so glad this isn't my life anymore, im so glad i live on my own whew" etc. i'd also imagine that i was just visiting home and i couldn't wait for my visit to be over so i could go back to my own apartment again.

just remember that no matter what happens in your 3D, nothing can stop you from having your desire in your imagination. you moved out in your 4D and nothing can change that! it is fact, and all you have to do is persist in that face. you don't have to gaslight or trick yourself into thinking you moved out in the 3D. you just need to stand firm in the fact you have it in your 4D.

anywayzzz i hope this helps! i hope i answered your question i fear i went on multiple different tangents lol <3

[peach-fiz]

I actually didn't even bother watching the second season of Loki because of the cheap marketing and inconsistent storytelling.

It just felt like the plot was lifted off somewhere it would have made sense, and a character with a similar ego was replaced with Loki and goes through an arc that might have made sense for a blank slate character, but not someone who already has a backstory.

Loki doesn't even feel like Loki after three episodes in S1. The whole point of having a show like that just seems to be about the TVA and Sylvie.

Also the whole genderfluid thing. They 'confirmed' it in the promo and had a line in the script that went completely against anything they just said.

I knew at once that the writers, directors and other parts of production were really just pulling it in different directions and it would probably sound like a jazz trumpeter and a metal guitarist trying to improvise after knowing each other for 15 minutes.

I've been meaning to watch it just so I can have educated opinions on all of it but it's just,, so hard to get into. I definitely agree the marketing was cheap, they did with the 80s McDonald's like they did DB Cooper!Loki and made it centric to the advertising because McDonalds was also getting something out of it which is kinda ass seeing as realistically Loki Laufeyson would burn 6 of them down before he ate in one 😭

I personally don't like either of the major ships in the show but the forced Sylki shit in season 1 really got to me. Like not only did she completely replace him as the main character in HIS show, she's also a variant of him who he wants to make out with and overall it just reads as lazy writing and it's extremely disappointing that Mike Waldron has been put in charge of Multiverse of Madness and The Kang Dynasty since, due to the popularity of the Loki TV show. I was talking to my boyfriend about this last night but it kinda reminds me of the complaints people had ab the last Indiana Jones movie but opposite? Like everyone complained his best friend's daughter was gonna replace him bc she's a Mary Sue and she rlly isnt, she's more reminiscent of Marion in Raiders of the Lost Ark she just doesn't wanna fuck him. But the difference is Indy is a character who's majorly blank for little boys to project themselves onto. Which is great!! It works for those kind of movies, but they're not character development centric like the individual mcu movies tend to be. Loki is characterized in a way that he's drowning in identity issues and family problems and he experiences growth in every installment whether it be positive or negative. It doesn't make sense to take the formula of an Indidna Jones movie where he meets up with a woman who's typically a love interest and has her own issues that are only slightly touched on because that's not the focus, and they go do the plot.

Sylvie is not an Indy Girl, they straight up are trying to replace Loki with Sylvie. And you can tell the character wasn't supposed to have as much importance as she does in the show bc the character was worked on more after the actress they chose was buddies with a producer ( and this is no hate to the actress I'm sure she's delightful everything I've seen her in in terms of interviews has been lovely ).

I also absolutely agree they should've just made a tva mini series to introduce the tva rather than bringing back a dead character who soon will not make much sense anyway because Tom Hiddleston is getting older (and also he deserves to branch out in his career).

The genderfluid thing was a cash grab and it sucks ass, they just want money for acknowledging things already canon in the comics, same with confirming him as bisexual.

My boyfriend is actually writing a fic on ao3 called Find Me that's rlly good if you want Loki content that isn't related to the show.

(YES this is shameless promotion sshhhhshshsh) but fr the loki TV show makes me more confident in my screenwriting bc t h a t got put on disney plus. I'm also working on a Loki show rewrite in my spare time!!

[spyderlondon]

I Don't Want to Become a Monster... chapter 1

CW: Mental manipulation

Freakshow AU by @hootbon (I was given permission to play around with this idea)

THIS STORY IS FULLY NON-CANON! I just wanted to do an introspective on Caine's transformation

--------

A change is on its way... You need to prepare for it... Get up! Get ready!

Caine jolted to a more active state in the middle of the night and looked around as to where that voice was coming from in complete confusion. It couldn't have been from his creators as they've long since stopped talking with him- ever since the first few users began to become trapped in the circus, the developers of his code and game went radio silent, he never knew why. The upper part of his teeth lowered a bit as to show his confusion to the situation, he pulled up the game's code and looked through it while his fingers tapped on his leg in his slight nervousness.

Nothing.

There was nothing new or different to the code from what he could tell. Then why did he... He shook his head- it was probably just an auditory hallucination or Bubble playing a prank on him while he was partially deactivated during the night.

The AI ran his hands down his dentures with a light groan before grabbing his cane and headed into the circus tent so he could do make sure everything was in order before anyone woke up for the morning roll call. He says that but it was partially also to calm his nerves after the voice he heard- as much as he wanted to pin the blame on Bubble, the voice sounded eerily like his own except... darker...

He put a hand on the side of his upper jaw and massaged it a little, telling himself not to think about it too deeply. It wasn't a concern, he merely had to focus on his tasks at hand. He had humans to entertain in the morning after all! They were counting on him to keep them sane and... he looked away as he thought about what happened when he failed at his task. He didn't want to think about it. It was too painful to think about... for everyone.

He paused in his tracks when he heard chatter from nearby the main area of the tent. He peeked out from behind the corner, not wanting to interrupt, and saw black and white chess pieces surrounded by a number of bugs- monarch butterflies, hercules beetles, cicadas, the like. They were sitting on the ground side by side as they watched the insects as they joked around and told each different facts about the bugs- the king and queen chess pieces didn't have mouths so it wasn't really obvious but Caine could tell that they were smiling as brightly as anyone could smile in here. He felt his body ease up as he watched them, feeling comforted by the fact that despite being stuck here longer than all the other humans combined- these two still seemed at peace with their situation.

Don't think you can keep everyone at peace... The humans will and already have lost their minds before...

The ringmaster felt a shiver go down his digital spine and he whipped around, "Who said that!" He suddenly yelled, which caught the attention of the two chess pieces. He tensed at the sight of the two of them staring in his direction, "I-I'm sorry, superstars, Bubble just surprised me is all!" He fibbed, feeling a bit of sweat going down his jaw.

"Wait, Cain-"

Before Queenie could get her sentence out the AI raced off in the opposite direction in a slight panic that he didn't realize he could feel until this moment. What was going on?! He's never felt this tense before, or had much other emotion other than joy and amusement. Wasn't he programmed just with that type of emotion to help keep the players engaged? Why was he suddenly feeling more negative emotions...

------

A/N: This was gonna be a one shot but the ideas kept flowing! So, I guess you guys are in for a treat! This is now going to have two or three chapters!

[shadow0haven]

I'm gonna do some rambling below about the Malev Christmas thing a little bit because people have been saying people have taken it too seriously and I want to explore/explain why I think people are upset and why I agree/my thoughts.

So HG released a christmas episode for malev and its a silly and campy episode of jokes and a "they get snowed in on christmas" episode like from a sitcom.

Honestly, that would have been nice from the get go. It's an interesting and trope I enjoy so I was ready to listen, until I heard negativity.

People are claiming that people hate the special specifically because HG makes fun of shippers. It's not *just* those two specific lines about shippers that I see people being upset about. It's quite a lot more.

For the longest time, Harlan has been poking fun at shippers in a lot of lines, in livestreams, in jokes and specials he puts out on patreon. A lot of the patreon people aren't mad or upset specifically because he does it, but because it's done so often. We KNOW Jarthur is never going to be Canon. We don't need a reminder constantly in the specials that they aren't canon and never will be, because it's a horror podcast and it's been explicitly stated all over John and Arthur are platonic in canon and always will be as far as we know. Having it constantly joked about when we know it won't happen is tiring.

A joke is made about the mail delivery person hating Arthur and loving John. On server and in conversation, etc, it's come up that HG finds it weird people like John, or Yellow, or other characters, more than Arthur. He also does "playful teasing" about people who enjoy certain characters or make certain theories, while also being annoyed people don't like Arthur more. A lot of us DO like Arthur, but not certain aspects of the character or how the character handled certain situations. That doesn't mean we hate the character. Part of this I think stems from HG having said that Arthur is "basically him", saying that Arthur is a self insert. That's fine and dandy, but it does make a lot of us uncomfortable for a lot of situations when we try to separate the character from a real person when the person playing the character insists "the character is me". This isn't a slight against HG, but I find it frustrating and that it ruined a bit of the "this is a narrative based around fictional characters etc" when the creator insists the main character is his self insert and essentially just him. Self inserts are cool! I also have my own! But there has to be a degree of separation that people aren't getting and it makes a lot of us uncomfortable.

A joke by the mail carrier also about "people going online and arguing for a living" or something along those lines. A lot of people that enjoy the show also critique it, make theories, and always talk about ways things could be handled better or how things could have turned out. Yes, there are people who are strictly only negative because they dislike HG for a myriad of reasons, and this joke felt like it was aimed specifically at these people that have issue with him, his interactions with fans, and the way he's handled things in the past that was just... unneeded.

On a less serious note, there were things that were just not my style in which I myself specifically don't vibe with the special. It was very campy and cracky, which is what it was obviously going for. For ME, I just wasn't into the "staged sitcom script because of Kayne" deal. And that's okay! Just because it wasn't my mileage, doesn't mean it was bad for other people. Like how I don't read certain kinds of fanfiction because they just aren't for me, this special just wasn't for me because of the tone of it.

I know there are probably more things, or things I'm forgetting, I know there was more teasing about "Arthur having PTSD but he can get over it in seconds" joke that made me a little meh, some of the jokes were funny and gave me a good chuckle, but I think this is the main reason people are having issue with the special.

To clarify, I'm talking about JUST the Christmas special and not the show itself. Just this specific episode. If I wanted to talk about why I and other people have issues with the show, or if people were interested in what I think, I'd make another post.

This is NOT a hate post, but simply talking about why I myself take issue with several aspects of the special, as well as why others (and the reasons I've heard from others) have mentioned about it.

Your mileage may vary, etc etc. I still enjoy the show and the characters very much, but sometimes this kind of stuff makes it difficult.

[lincolndjarin]

Best Kept Secret Q&A

contains spoilers for all of bks !!

thank you @znerac for asking these !!

Is there anything you would of written differently? Why, and what would you of done?

the short answer is yes lmao.

the long answer is also yes but with a bunch of explanation. writing bks chapter by chapter and posting as i go is great and also not great for several reasons. getting immediate feedback is always great, and it pushes me to keep writing but it also means that i can't change things once they're written.

if i could the main things i would change would be :

i would rewrite any and all reader descriptions. in the early days of bks it was just a silly story that i wrote for myself. that being said i did my best to write the reader as ambiguous but a lot of my self bled through. very specifically is the fact that i get very very red when i'm embarrassed. i don't know the exact line but there was at one point in dins internal monologue something along the lines of "you blush blah blah blah, he wonders how deep the crimson tint goes." so i would change all of that for sure

on a less serious not i would rewrite all of chapter seven LMAO. i was stressed about six being the first smut chapter and i convinced myself that there needed to be more dirty stuff since i'd already started with it. i am haunted by the chapter seven blowjob. it feels so out of place to me like it's not needed, it's gotta go, i hate it but can do nothing about it.

hypothetically, If a movie/Show director came up to you to make a producion based heavily on BKS, would you take the opportunity?

yes and i would do it lin manuel miranda style by insisting that i play the lead and then i would demand pedro pascal as my counter part (he'll def take it, im convinced that man will do any movie.)

what inspired you to write bks?

a lot of things!!

mostly music, all sorts of songs. when i started it i had also just finished queen charlotte. (if you havent watched queen charlotte and like bks i highly recommend it.) i would say that bks!reader was based on charlotte early on. (i'm also gonna use my favorite line from queen charlotte in the epilouge)

and i just love telling stories. i love making these worlds and the people in them and this was the first time i ever put it into words!!

how do you think writing and posting bks has affected you? Positively, Negatively? What do you think would of changed if you didn't write it?

definitely both but the negatives aren't bad, and the positives make up for it.

bks in it's conception was always intended to be a coping mechanism for me. at the time of it's start my best (and realistically, only) friend was getting ready to move away for college and i realized that he was the only person i ever spent time with and i needed a hobby. i tried a few things until one day writing stuck. the intention was to have something to keep me busy but i ended up really loving it.

there's never been any external negatives, it really is just that i can be hard on myself but at the end of the day it's been a huge point of growth for me.

@knopes-waffles thank you lovey for sending these !!

was there a particular reason that you chose blue as Kodo’s color?

terrible answer to a great question but uhhh no lmao

i just had to pick a color and this is what my fingers typed lol, i knew from the get go that din's favorite color would be green so i had to pick something that wasn't that.

thank you to the anon who sent these !! (i assume these were from the same person bc they came in and the same time!!)

will din and queenie have more babies? or just grogu and their son?

i suppose we'll have to see ;)

(although after bks 28 this is answered haha)

where will they raise the babies? in the cabin?

i think so !! i like to think that they live in the cabin, bks!reader became attached to naboo and bks!din will happily live wherever she is. i also like to think that they travel though. they leave naboo as often as they can, din likes to show his children the galaxy so when they're older they definitely invest in a ship

thank you anon !! luv you !!

what was your absolute favorite scene to write?

there's so many gahhh im gonna try and narrow it down to a top three:

#1 : Chapter 16 - their first kiss

this was a big deal to me, i worked for quite some time on that scene. i had several long conversations with friends about it because i wanted it to have the weight of a scene from bridgerton. i love love love bridgerton, it's my guilty pleasure, and i wanted that scene to make me feel the way bridgerton love confessions make me feel. i needed an "i burn for you" and i had a lot of different versions but i eventually settled on "I ache." because i wanted it to be something that hurt, i think that bks!din is complicated (i sound so pretentious rn im so sorry) in a self hating way that makes even the idea of being happy extremely painful to him and i wanted to get that point across

#2 : Chapter 23 - the markets

the markets in general were always so so fun to write but the lunar markets especially. getting to write them as a normal couple shopping for sex toys was so so so fun, i remember being so exhausted writing this chapter but i loved it so much i just had to finish it.

short story break but i was up until 2 am writing this chapter, it was halfway done and i was supposed to be up at 7 to drive my grandma six hours to visit my aunt for a week. i texted her at 2 and said i was going to bed and i'd see her in the morning, she texted back and said she couldnt sleep so we just got in the car and went. when we got to my aunts i finished the chapter and then passed out lmao, editing it took ages bc i kept falling asleep

#3 : Chapter 3 - reading the smitten paladin

the entire scene where she's trying to not think about din while reading her porn book is always gonna be an all timer for me

(bonus: the epilouge has been very special to me. getting to write a happy ending for these characters that i have put through so much has been extremely healing for me)

thank you @darthbeebles !! <3

Were there any scenes you wrote/wanted to write but had to cut for some reason? I’d love some deleted scenes if you have any <3

so so so many. i will cover most in the little what if thing later this week but the biggest one was a masquerade ball.

i so badly wanted a scene where she was dancing at the ball and there's a masked man who asks for a dance with dark hair and a mask that only covers his eyes and GAH im making myself angry just thinking about it because i just couldn't make it work

i tried it on so many levels, but at the end of the day the climax of the story didn't work if she knew what he looked like. the identity swap twist didn't work as smoothly and after several attempts to work it in i had to scrap it

thank you @raintheegg my beloved for sending this in!!!!

What is your favorite characteristic about bsk!din?

very easily his devotion.

it makes him easy to write bc he has one character goal and it to keep reader as safe and happy as he can manage. it also helped me add in the vague religious themes because he really is just that in love with her right from the start

hi anon !!! thank you for sending this in!!

You don’t have to draw it out if you don’t want, but I’d love to see your vision for inside their closet in BKS!!! It feels like such an important space that I want to understand it exactly how you meant to portray it — 1000 rounds of applause for your writing, it was an incredible journey you took us on 🥲🥲

thank you so so much <3

i wanted to build distinct set pieces in the world, the closet, the nook, the cabin, etc. and the closet was based on my own closet!! i used to sleep in there with all of my pillows and blankets, i have some pics, i don't have any good ones because it's been a few years but these are the ones i found!!

thank you my sweet anon!!

what was the hardest chapter to write?

very easily chapter 26.

i had a very specific vision for it that i'd been working on for months and i wanted it to go over well. the rule i use with plot twists is that it either needs to not be guessed before it happens or it needs to executed in a pleasing enough way that if you did guess it you don't care or you feel accomplished. i couldn't be more proud of how it turned out

thank you anon for the ask !

why is kodo’s fav color blue

i thought about this one again and i did remember that i needed it to be an eye color so it ended up being between grey and blue and i went with blue!!

thank you anon who is definitely not @torizle-blog1

why are you so sexy and hilarious and perfect and awesome

years of practice.

[lost-inanotherlife]

Lost Rewatch S3 - Random Thoughts

As I've stated before, in stops and starts season 3 was quite cringe-y. Of course, we're still navigating high-quality storytelling waters but you know there's something a little wrong when writers admit to being in shortage of creative ideas by episode NINE (the much-talked about "Stanger in a Strange Land"). As a result this post might sound a bit S3-negative although, as I've just said, I'd never question the writers' command of the narrative. It's just that some stuff didn't really work out for me this time, that's all. I'll sprinkle-sprinkle some positivity too 'cause this season gave us all some mind-blowingly intense and beautiful moments, too. We can never forget those.

Starting off strong with our lovingly island-made love triangle: Jack/Kate/Sawyer that's not so slowly becoming a love square. Not a fan of how Kate and Sawyer got together, I'll be honest. Yes, the trauma of being kidnapped, forced to haul rocks and live in cages makes a human do crazier things, still... They put on a pretty dress on Kate and all of a sudden everybody goes "woa" (very 90's "chick flicks", didn't they have EYES before?), Sawyer is smashing rocks under the sun, sweating his own weight off but can't seem to resist the urge to look at her ass and kiss her, Kate herself is working her ass off (sorry for the pun, couldn't resist haha) and, well, the shots very much highligthed that by focusing on her ass... Guys, it was cringe to watch. And yes, the kiss was a distraction and blah, blah, blah. Again: cringe. All of a sudden Kate's madly in love with Sawyer which, you know, I'd have dug if they'd continued to show how their flirty relationship evolved instead of going from their sarcastic banters to extreme "I love yous" desperately screamed at gun point. Same goes for Jack by the way: for most of S2 Jack and Kate are on looser terms compared to the closeness of S1. after their kiss Kate's way closer to Sawyer because she chose him. Jack and Kate are not together and don't speak very much for, possibly, the whole duration of s3 and all of a sudden Jack's all "I love you". I don't see the crescendo of this love, therefore I don't fully buy it. Not gonna lie, the scenes were beautiful and very well-acted but these guys have spent weeks without talking to each other lol. They did the same exact thing in S2 as I've said before and I didn't particularly enjoy it in S2 so it's not like I wasn't gonna see it repeating itself in S3.

The majority of the flashbacks shown in this season are... how can I put it? Not au pair with the usual Lost-esque quality. Particularly not excellent, let's say, were the already mentioned "Stranger in a Strange Land", "Enter 77" and "I Do". Also, please but Desmond's and Kate's wigs in their flahsbacks are plain awful. Please stop.

Conversely, "Left Behind" was a fucking good flashback story. Kate-centric episodes are either meh or extremely good for me. I think she's one of those characters that when you find the right vein to write her, you write an incredbily layered, unbelievably complex character. When you don't, her character feels quite flat and it's a pity.

I might be in love with Juliet?! When I watched S3 for the first time in 2007 I deeply disliked her. Maybe I was too young to appreciate her character, she's not a clear-cut archetype like the other main characters are: more lived life helped me understand her better and now I'm deeply in love with her. I love how you can never predict what her little cute smirk means, she's a bit of a mystery but, unlike Kate, she's as such not because she has something to hide from her past (at least until now lol): she's enigmatic because that's who she is, she's very "torn-in-two" character. Love it.

I'm not liking all these dead women on my screen. Locke couldn't kill his father, couldn't kill Jack but he could sure as hell plant a knife in Naomi's back. The two persons guarding the submarine hatch had to be women and they had to die, didn't they? Of course, the mothers are dying on the island, of course the mob in "The Cost of Living" had to shoot just a woman, of course Bea Klugh had to be killed by Mikhail, of course "Tricia Tanaka is Dead". I was quite growing fond of Tom and was saddened by his death but I ultimately think that if they kept sparing white guys while killing off women and black people in general in the blink of an eye they'd have a real problem. Well, as a matter of fact they still do. They should've done better.

John's "shamanic journey" in "Further Instructions" is very offensive. Shamanic practices are serious things that must be done seriously. But hey, here's our "connected-with-the-island-lazarus-rising" white old man, let's have him enter a sweat lodge, prepare a slop of something so that he can have a vision and resolve this knot in the plot. No, thank you.

I don't agree with people bashing on "Exposé": I think it's a good episode. In fact, I appreciated the Other Losties' POV (Arzt you won't be forgotten!). The real problem is that it's just that: other, plot-unrelated people's pov, nothing really new was added and the characters were eventually killed off so what's the point lol? What I want to say is that it's a good filler episode and I enjoyed it but at this point in the series, filler ep for filler ep, I'd have preferred one that was "-centric" to one or more of the main characters. But hey, I get what I can and, all in all, good ep.

Now, I know that one of the main themes of this season is the impossibility of going back: it was very artfully written to lead us to the season finale's big reveal. Fine, good, intellectually I love it. Instinctually when in a story I see characters going from point A to B and then going back to point A in the span of the same episode or the following I... well, I don't take it well lol. It's a pet peeve of mine, really, but COME ON. It's a way to milk a narrative thread for all its worth. It's a way to buy narrative time without resorting to fillers. But sometimes you just need to let it go and come up with a better idea presto. I'm talking about Kate going back to find Jack as soon as she arrives at the beach. How in hell did Kate know that Jack was on the main island and not still on Hydra? And how did John connect the dots between the writing on Eko's stick and Jack's whereabouts? And why did the Others just leave their barracks, in which they had lived for years, instead of just killing Kate, Sayid and John? Come on. These guys have killed for way less.

The best fucking line of the whole season is Charlie's: "It's the five best moments of my… sorry excuse for a life. My greatest hits. You know, memories. They're all I've got." Chills, literal chills.

"Flash Before Your Eyes" is a totally cringe episode. Everything feels exactly what it is: a set, a prop, a wig on the actor's head, lol. Twenty years ago I was still a naive girl fangirling over Desmond and Penny's relationship but now I know better. Des was a lot of a dick toward Penny, let's be real. He was obsessed with this "honor", with feeling "worthy" and totally took it out on her. She was right, he was indeed a coward. I wish they had given a different backstory to Des. Maybe it's because it's so similar to (re it's the same as) Jin and Sun's story but it didn't land for me this time. I don't see the same "epicness" in their love story that I'd first seen back in the 00'.

Eko's "Redemption-Not-Redemption" arc is the best thing of this season. I have no words to describe it so I'll just leave his final speech here. INCREDIBLE.

I ask for no forgiveness, Father. For I have not sinned. I have only done what I needed to do to survive. A small boy once asked me if I was a bad man. If I could answer him now, I would tell him that... when I was a young boy, I killed a man to save my brother's life. I am not sorry for this. I am proud of this. I did not ask for the life that I was given. But it was given, nonetheless. And with it... I did my best.

[crimeronan]

WHEW okay. ROUGH fucking start to the morning but things are gonna be okay now. putting under a cut for people who don't care abt my endless unrelenting medical drama but for those who do. Come On This Fucking Journey With Me.

so, necessary background.

i have been having intermittent medical emergencies since february and my doctor has been trying since march to get me a specialist rheumatology appointment. the rheumatology clinic keeps ignoring the referral and/or saying that they need more paperwork and documentation for it.

my doctor has at this point provided them with

her physical observations of my visibly abnormal symptoms

all of the many many many many Many medications i've been prescribed and their effects on said symptoms

multiple different types of positive ANA showing i have uncontrolled progressive autoimmune disease

all my negative antibody tests (have yet to test positive for any one specific antibody)

my doctor - who is excellent - has also followed up with them repeatedly to try to get me scheduled. because i am dying. like i try not to be super dramatic here bc i don't like worrying people and maybe i'm overblowing my symptoms but like. when you're at the point that one of your partners schedules an impromptu overnight flight to come up and monitor you for a week bc your other partner is on vacation & you're in danger of stroking and being unable to call an ambulance for yourself if someone isn't in the room to notice the signs...... i feel like at that point it's fair enough to say I Am Fucking Dying. i am dying. i've been dying for months. like very slowly and inconsequentially but MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE ARE DYING AT ANY GIVEN TIME.

so two weeks ago, after even more fucking phone tag, rheumatology was like. we have all of your tests and documentation now. we'll call to schedule you in soon :) if we don't, call us in two weeks!

today is, of course, the two week mark.

i thought it was strange that they hadn't called because my current symptom progression is usually triaged as The Top Tier Of Autoimmune Medical Emergencies. and my doctor herself has gotten me in for same-day appointments whenever i develop new symptoms because i am apparently not being fucking dramatic about how fucked up i am.

but! rheumatology is overburdened by a combination of COVID-era backups and a MASSIVE influx of newly disabled people with long COVID. and they're dealing with the same understaffing and shortages as the rest of the healthcare system. so it wasn't THAT weird.

called the clinic as soon as they opened this morning. was put on hold for a few minutes, which is normal.

guy gets back on the line. informs me they actually Don't have the test results that they need to schedule me (even though they TOLD ME THEY DID two weeks ago). and that they can't help me.

at this point i got off the phone and had a hysterical crying breakdown so profound that multiple partners swooped in to make a Shitload of Very Testy phone calls to various places on my behalf. bc they love me and are wonderful i am very loved. i have been taking the whole "actively dying" thing in stride for months for the most part but apparently this morning i hit my Fucking Limit. because OH MY FUCKING GOD.

so after an hour of hysterical crying, the receptionist at my main doctor's office calls back. she has always been very kind and takes calls from me / my partners extremely seriously, because of..... you know. The Everything.

she's just as kind and sweet and apologetic as ever but also there is kinda an undercurrent of apoplectic fury. she's spent some time trying to figure out What The Fuck Is Going On. turns out that

there was one more test rheumatology needed, even tho they said they had all my documentation. ok. fine.

my doctor did in fact order this test immediately after my last appointment.

i did in fact have the bloodwork done for this test immediately after my last appointment. like within an hour.

there was NO REASON for rheumatology not to have these test results.

except.

that the phlebotomist who took my blood.

ran every fucking ordered test.

except.

the one.

i needed.

to get scheduled.

with rheumatology.

so i've been waiting two weeks for fucking Nothing. because i thought i had my referral sorted. and the rheumatology clinic did not fucking inform my doctor that actually! they were wrong! about having the documentation to schedule me in!

the receptionist called up the lab to make sure that they Can run the necessary test. confirmed that they can. then she called up the rheumatology clinic and sent over all of my current documentation all over again and told them to be on the lookout for the final test. THEN she called the lab AGAIN to say, "hey, i'm sending you this order electronically, but i'm making an extra note that you guys need to do it right this time, AND you need to treat this as highest priority n analyze the results immediately. and i'm giving you the specific test number right now to make sure you fucking write it down correctly."

and then she gave ME the test number. and said "write this down. and when you get there, ask them what the number is for your test. and make sure that it matches."

which all took up most of her morning and truly was going above and beyond, all she really Needed to do was resend the lab order n tell me to go get more blood drawn. ESPECIALLY since it's an indie office & she handles ALL of the patient scheduling and bureaucracy.

but she is mad. and also i have dying patient privilege.

i felt much better after this because tbh half of why i was so upset was because i already know i have multiple forms of irreversible damage to various body parts and i really fucking physically feel like i get closer to dying every day and i really cannot fucking deal with being triaged as a non-priority possibly-faker hysteria patient.

but this does not seem to be the case.

so. unless something ELSE manages to go wrong with all of this bureaucratic bullshit, what's going to happen is: i am going to drive to a lab 45 minutes away to get my bloodwork done today bc that's the closest place with same-day appointments. i am going to call my doctor's office and tell them that the blood test was done, bc the receptionist said to call her from the parking lot once i'm finished. my doctor is going to receive the test results and send them to rheumatology either today or tomorrow. and within two weeks (Supposedly For Fucking Real This Time), rheumatology will ACTUALLY FUCKING CALL TO SCHEDULE ME IN.

in the most ideal and luckiest world, i will in fact be triaged as an emergency case. which means things will move fast in terms of both getting a call from the scheduling team and getting scheduled in. however it's also possible that they will have patients who are in, like, multi-organ-failure shutdown crisis, who obviously need to be prioritized above me. i do have endless paper documentation and visible physical symptoms stating that i am very very very sick, so. fingers crossed but i don't want to jinx it.

this post is very long. medical bureaucracy is a nightmare. i am very very very lucky and blessed to have so many life partners who are willing to advocate for me because as you can imagine, none of this is easy to navigate when you are unbelievably fucking sick and have a brain that is progressively losing the ability to retain language or executive function or memory.

in conclusion.

being sick is so stupid.

[midnightmah07]

I’m back again! Exams have been ok so far so that’s fun. 2 done 6 to go!

Anyways to the main subject of my ask: what’s your oc’s first impression to Daria and they’re current thoughts on her.

Also I decided for the sake of me adoring your oc’s, that Cyrus doesn’t despise Neige and just doesn’t really care for him. Is he civil and nice with him? Yes. Would he inconvenience himself for him? No.

(Btw saw your pfp and just, how we feeling about the new animation cause I wanna hold them in my hands they look so good😭)

IM CRYING I ACTUALLY LET OUT A GOOD CHUCKLE WHEN U SAID U CHANGED HOW CYRUS FEELS ABOUT NEIGE BC OF MY OCS RELATIONSHIPS WITH HIM HELP SKSKSJSKS

Also so happy for your exams!! Hope they keep going well!!<33

Hmmm ok I have only the info you posted about Daria, I think her strongest relationship out of my OCs would be with Isabelle bc that's her housewarden lmao. Because you said so much about Daria's slight arrogance (I think that's what's written there, I might have to double check later tho bc it's been a while since I read Daria's character info) and other very negative traits that she has Isabelle would probably get a headache with her rather often when she acted like this, in fact I think sometimes she would have to remember she's dealing with a dear student (she holds all her dorm members very dear and near her heart) and not Leona since they share some traits, but overall I think they would have a positive relationship outside of these headaches; Daria is inspired by Athena and you yourself said she's plenty smart, so that's something her and Isa have in common, I feel like they could get along pretty well!

Daisy's surrounded by screwed up people at NRC so this isn't news to her, + she always aspires to see the best in everyone because of what her parents taught her, so I feel like even if her relationship with Daria wasn't that deep, I feel like she would be intrigued and want to assume the best out of her

Jeanne............ Yeah she looks a Daria and gives her a thumbs up. Like idk why but my gut feeling is to say that even if Daria and Jeanne probably aren't close, Jeanne probably finds her interesting and admires how smart she is-- not as smart as her captain Leona tho sorry😋 jokes aside, she would low-key push Jamil to talk to her and stuff just so she could get Jamil off of her and Kalim's dates

Perse and her are...... Surprisingly similar? I mean they're both incredibly attractive women who are extremely smart and (if I'm not mistaken ofc) keep it to themselves. But exactly because of that I don't feel like Perse would have a strong opinion about her, maybe she could see her as a rival because Perse is rivaling Idia in Ignihyde and in the Island of Woe as the smartest people there; other than that, Perse is very closed off and puts walls around herself all the time so good luck getting those two to get closer than a simple "hi." "hey."

Also I'm pretty sure u weren't thinking about Jasper and Angus but I wanted to include them still :] I think they'd be both very wary of her, as they are with most strangers, but seeing how Daisy is supposedly only talking good things about Daria would lower their guard... Only by a little bit, if Daria ever does something to Daisy those two little mice are gonna make her pay lmaoo