#I really need it though my metabolism is SO fucked rn

[acupofselfcontrol]

"Oh you ate it all? You were hungry!"

Yeah and fuck you too

[ttcalzz]

Doing this all at once!!

Warning ‼️ novel below

1. Stats

Cw: 143.5lbs 🥲

hw/sw: 165lbs 😧

ugw: 127lbs

2. Height: 5’ 8”. And I would say I do like my height!

3.

I loveeee how small her waist is and how all around slim and toned she is!! She’s also my height so it makes pics of her even more motivating!

4. I really don’t wanna lose my ass 😭😭 I barely have one to begin with! Also I’m scared I’ll slow my metabolism down so I can’t maintain my ugw

5. I am losing weight for me. I want to lose weight because I’m tired of feeling a double chin when I look down, or having to wear “control top” (barf) leggings under skirts so they look right. I want to be totally confident and comfortable in the body I carve out for myself.

6. I do binge sometimes, mostly out of a sense of loss of control. When I’m really in a tailspin, and I can’t focus, food fills the void. I always feel worse.

7. My parents do not know! They know I’ve had an 3d “in the past” so I am keeping this very much under wraps

8. I don’t really have a routine per say, I just do whatever I feel like doing, but I usually do something like

- Clamshells (60 seconds each side)

- 80 squats

- 30 lunges (each side)

- bridges until failure for 2 sets and then pulse and hold until failure for one set

- 3 supersets of 10 reg crunches, 10 crunches w legs in an L shape, 10 crunches with legs straight up, and 15 leg raises.

- 10 pushups (as many standard as possible, then assisted/on knees)

- 60 second plank

- Stretching

9. Kinda. The earliest I can remember is being veryyy little in the pool with my little sister and her asking why my belly was bigger than hers. I didn’t even know what fat meant at that point but it hurt like hell. When I was a little older, I remember my grandma giving me advice on losing belly fat ☹️ like girl pls. My family has commented negatively on my weight loss before though, my dad is convinced I’m “super skinny” and “need to put some weight on”. I’m literally completely healthy?? Girl bffr.

10. The hardest thing? Probably how weak I feel. I know that’s just the way losing weight goes, and it does validate me, but I’ve always been rly strong so losing some of that muscle mass as I lose weight has been hard bc I can’t do as much as I was able to before. Planning to pack muscle on as much as possible anyways bc it makes you look skinnier

11. My fav th!nsp0 blog is probably @c0ke-zer0 , the stuff they post is so motivating 🥰

12. Lately, I’ve been drinking a lot of Fairlife protein shakes (chocolate flav my beloved) and eating saltines w hot sauce (I know it’s weird but it works). I also really enjoy salads, fruit, dumplings, rice, and 0 cal energy drinks. I will eat pretty much anything, I don’t really have fear foods, I just eat a very small portion and try to eat the most of whatever is lowest calorie/highest protein

13. I’m definitely not losing weight in a super healthy way, but it isn’t the worst? I’m hoping to actually maintain my UGW afterwards so I don’t wanna totally fuck my body up rn.

14. My ugw is around 125-130, I know weight fluctuates and my actual ugw is like 128 but it’s never gonna be exactly that every day. I’m hoping to reach it before the end of November! I only have like 13.5 lbs to go!!

15. Nope! I am not vegan or vegetarian, and I don’t think I could do either. Chicken and tuna are such good low cal/high protein foods, I could never give them up.

16. The first time I ever remembered really wanting to lose weight was when I was around 15? My best friend had an 3d and I remember googling it to see what it was and finding tumblr and…. It was all downhill from there 😭 can’t believe I’ve been dealing w this shit for so long bro I need to lose the weight and get tf out.

17. I am not diagnosed with any eating disorders butttt I definitely have disordered eating? If I were to get diagnosed it would probably be something along the lines of 4n@ or 0rthø

18. Anything salty and crunchy 🥹🥹 I will go through a whole bag of takis so fast it’s not even funny. Been avoiding chips as much as possible for this. Also candy if it’s just around? I used to have a really bad habit of just eating mindlessly. I don’t even have a sweet tooth idk why I wouldn’t just control myself. That’s not really any issue anymore tho

19. I work at a fast food-ish place, but I didn’t really eat my last shift so I guess it would have been about 2 weeks ago? Usually when I get something from there I steer clear of the “fast food” offerings and take a banana or a yogurt.

20. My favorite diet is high protein, under 1000 cals. After that idc, I try to eat more healthy than junk foods, but like I said I’ll pretty much take one bite of anything.

21. Clothing sizes

Pants: 4 💔

Shirt: small

Dress: small/medium

I always buy sweatshirts and stuff in xxxl sizes though.

22. My lowest weight was 138 lbs. it was right before a family vacation, so I couldn’t get away with not eating. I ended up gaining back some of the weight and then “recovering” aka gaining all the weight back only to be unhappy and come back to this.

23. Definitely!! I totally remember seeing magazines talking about how fat celebs were and at 10 years old thinking “but I look like that” and generally growing up, skinnier was prettier and better always.

24. i think it’s disgusting. Pr04n4 content is what made me develop this 3d in the first place. It’s one thing to post abt your struggles and seek community, it’s a whole other thing to glorify it and try to make OTHERS sicker???

25. Yes, I have purged before. I don’t do it often. But the first time i was 16 and my family had gotten Taco Bell, I ate like 2.5 burritos and felt sick with myself so I threw up in my trashcan bag and threw it away outside. Horrible memory.

26. I’m so excited to be confident in my skin!! And look great in all the outfit ideas I have planned 🥹 I also can’t wait to have a partner but I don’t see that happening until I lose this weight. When that does happen, I love being picked up and carried or tossed around, so being light enough that it isn’t a burden for my partner. I also can’t wait to have someone pick me up and go “omg you’re so light” or hug me and say “you feel so skinny, did you lose weight??

27. Honestly it doesn’t bother me too much, I work around food all the time so I just sorta go into a work mindset: look, touch, don’t eat. Food is for preparing, food is for serving to others, food is not for eating.

28. Not necessarily! I think it looks nice on a body type with wide enough hips, but on me I think i would have to be skinnier than I want to be in order to have one. Besides that (VERY CONTROVERSIAL) I don’t mind bigger thighs BECAUSEEE they support ass 🫡

29. For me, beauty is when someone or something is fully expressing itself to all it can be. A performance, a flower bloom, a genuine laugh. It doesn’t really matter what those things look like, as long as they form that direct bridge to the soul and show a glimpse of yourself to the world.

30. 10 facts about myself

- I can’t stand cucumber or celery

- I’m in school for psychology

- my birthday is soon!!

- I do art

- I have one younger sister and she’s my world

- I have 2 pets! A cat and a dog

- I love blue and green

- my eyes are brown

- im in multiple f4nd0ms (c3ns0r3d so this doesnt come across n0rm4l túmbIř

- I had a hardcore middleschool emo/kpop phase (yes at the same time)

[willowser]

the tag “he’s not having sex!!” is killing me im trying so hard to keep it together in this coffee shop rn trying not to cackle

also yeah dabi probably considered the time that you helped him take a fully clothed shower (because he wasnt comfortable at the moment even if he was by himself to be naked) to be third base. maybe even a home run idk

LMAOOO okay okay, not to get on a serious note, but your shower bit 🥺 i genuinely think dabi would be so, so fun for friends to lovers. because a totally platonic relationship with him must be hilarious; this man is a smart ass, okay? he will always have you cracking up. and i think if he views you as just some acquaintance of his, he's more prone to like. just chatting with you or shooting the shit or drinking or walking around at all hours of the night when neither of you can sleep. it's not until things start to get a little...softer, i think, that he pulls back—but that's what makes it so good !

because it could come out of nowhere, for either of you. one minute you're sharing a bottle in a brown paper bag under the bright city lights, talking shit about pro heroes, and the next—

"fuck, i'm freezing." you laugh as you say it, but your teeth won't stop chattering and your legs are starting to feel like they're made of lead. you have to come to a stop, leaning against some abandoned shop in this lesser part of town.

"should'a dressed right," dabi murmurs, having the audacity to tell you such a thing even though he's in pants with holes in the knees, without a jacket. already he sounds like he's sobering up, but you suppose he can't help it; his metabolism probably eats through everything.

"can't all be so h-hot-blooded."

tired, his mouth stretches in a lazy smirk, and he rolls his eyes like you're being dramatic—despite the fact that it's snowing. "ain't that bad."

you beg to differ. "feel my hands!"

he watches you carefully as you offer them, like he's putting too much thought into it, suddenly. it's not often that you two really touch, not if he can help it, because there's never been a need. not before now.

the facade of his nonchalance is readjusted, though there's a tension lining his mouth that you've never seen on him, not with you. he tucks the bag underneath his armpit so that he can use both his hands, and then he folds your fingers down into fists and covers them with his own.

entirely, the long and rough expanse of his palms dwarfing you. it's hot, immediately, and the sensation has you shuddering in relief, letting out a grateful little sound as your body sways closer to his on instinct. neither of you say anything, and you're too tipsy too notice the grit of his jaw or the bob of his adam's apple.

been a long time since he touched someone, just 'cause. with the intention of helping instead of harming.

you don't care, only let out another teeth chattering whine before pressing your cheek into the back of his hand. yours is icy, but his own heat at the sight of you nuzzling into him like a fucking kitten.

it's weird, but only lasts for a moment before you're pulling away and turning to wobble down the sidewalk, back in the direction of the hideout. you almost slip once and the screech you let out is enough to make you both laugh, for now—but neither of you will be able to sleep tonight without thinking about it, his skin against yours.

[groupieculture]

Just need to vent a bit like I've seen you post about your BED and CBT HOW DO YOU KEEP ON GOING? 😭 I'm honestly so fucking tired of this shit, for me it started as anorexia almost 12 years ago and I totally fucked up my metabolism and for the past three/four years it's been a daily fucking battle with the binge eating (I can't vomit, idk that's probably just a good thing in the end) I'm just so fucking tired I seriously can't see a way out. I know what you're going through it's hell I wouldn't wish this to my worst enemy, ilysm you're so strong and brave

hi im soooo sorry ur going through that, its really hard. i think i had issues with eating from childhood and then they got worse and worse. i don't know how old you are but for me it mellowed out a lot with age but rn im in the thick of it as well so. i mean i think about like 'giving up' but what does that mean, just being sad and resentful of myself for not even trying, which is even worse than giving up. i dont know what to say specifically to help you, i haven't got a grip on it at all! i can only share what helps me, and the thing that did was figuring out what is that (ed) a response to and working on that because for me it a response to something even though its not logical so it wasn't easy to figure out. i know its sooo hard and i think about it every day and probably every 5 minutes so i know how tiring it is. but well get through it with little steps i think. every try is worth it and adds on to something, even if its only in the moment! thatis the most important think to not forget imo

[sullendolls]

10/July/XX

This was supposed to be a food log but my mind is rlly messy rn needed to clear my mind and writing helps.

okay, let's get the bad stuff out of my brain. Today was pretty bad, but I'm pretty sure I'm below 1500 calories, definitely lower than my BMR. I think that's safe. Besides I might as well take this chance to eat healthy and lose weight in a better way. Though I can't wait for life to go back to normal, and I can start restricting the "right way" again. I tried to take a nap after lunch today, since I was extremely tired and my eyes were sore and my head hurt. Guess that's what happens when your screen time is like 8 hours per day.

Besides, I've been sleeping for 5 hours a day the past week. I need to reduce that number to 4, so I'll do my best to stay up till 1. I've got an exam next week, I can't flunk it again. Anyway, I could barely sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about how fat I was, how uncomfortable and suffocating I felt, how desperately I wanted to be skinny... The list could go on. I tried to make the best of it and try this meditation kinda thing my yoga teacher taught us at school. We'd usually have yoga at the end of the day, so it was rather relaxing. I'd like to explain it, but I really suck at detailing so let's forget about that. So yeah I did fall asleep after an hour or so but then my cousin woke me up. I'm glad she did; she wanted to show me something. Turns out this bush in our garden were full of baby caterpillars. Guess they're at the state where they're black, almost turning brown. Idk what butterflies they'll be, I'm excited to find out. We're thinking of documenting the life cycle

Speaking of insects, fireflies visit our house often. I'd first seen a firefly when I was 6? And thought I'd never see one again until last month. It was the night my grandfather passed away. My cousin and I were in my grandmother's room in the dark. And we saw the firefly. Very timely huh. Since then, I see them around almost every night. We've got a small pond kinda thing... More of an open aquarium? IDK what it is but it's got some small fishes. And two turtles. One of them huge and light brown, the other the size of a palm, black with yellow patterns (patterns? I can't think of the right word) So yeah it's the rainy season so this fucking toad lays it's eggs in the pond and they've hatched now so it's FULL of tadpoles if I had to make an estimate, I'd say 1000. We weed them out with a net every morning, but I guess we'll let the rest stay. Anyway if they ALL do become toads it's gonna be bad.

HOLY HELL I DID NOT REALIZE I WROTE SO MUCH I really gotta get studying. I've got class tomorrow and it sucks :((((( But I'll deal with it. Do well at school I guess. Make myself a career. Weight loss can wait. I've got my college years. I'm sure my metabolism won't be much worse in my 20s. Rapid weight loss won't do me any good right now. I think I'm satisfied with just staying the same weight and having a healthier relationship with food, i.e. not binging. Remember, consistency is key! If I stay at 1000 every day I'd lose at least 1 kg a month. I'm only 6 kgs away from my current goal weight. It's okay if results are slow. I'll wait. (k the ana is definitely not in my head rn I'm so happy better enjoy the feeling while it lasts)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #270

“please remain calm; the end has arrived. we cannot save you; enjoy the ride.”

Do you own pastel-colored pants? No. What type of lotion do you use? I don't really use it. Nothing seems to help how dry my skin is. What were your favorite clothing stores in high school? Hot Topic. If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Pastel pink, but realistically (given a pink car would probably have a paint job I'd have to pay for, I assume?), I like burnt orange cars. Not too brown-ish, though. What is your favorite color, do you look good in it, & do you wear it a lot? Pink, probably not, and no. Name someone you know who hates pink. Idk. What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home." Do you kill bugs? Sometimes. Depends. If they're in my house, most likely. Have you ever had a bedroom that had wallpaper on the walls? No. Do you own any rompers? No. What’s one thing you’ve done to celebrate Earth Day? I made a birdhouse out of a milk carton once. Animal Planet taught me lol. Do you use window clings (aka window stickers)? No. What color is your stapler? Black. Do you have a desk that you sit at in your room? Ugh, no, but that's one reason I want to move to somewhere I have a bigger room for a desk so I don't do everything in my damn bed. What do you miss about college? Feeling like I was worth something and on a "proper" path. Was your middle school crush the same as your high school crush? No. What is/was your dream school? I never had a "dream" school. Do you wish you could talk to someone about your past? If so, who? Idk, probably someone. What motivates you? Music and/or videos on whatever subject I could use motivation in, like self-care on my bad days. Have you ever completed a weight loss program? No. Tried, though. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I went through a doctor appointment entirely without Mom just a few days ago; she had to stay in the car due to chemo, so I filled stuff out, checked in/out alone, answered questions on my own, that business. I'm entirely aware it's sad as hell that a 24 y/o did that for the first time, but if you knew just how dependent I am on my mom, you'd get it. Which do you prefer: Valentine’s Day or Easter? Valentine's when I actually have someone to celebrate with, but I love Easter as an aunt with how excited the kids are about candy and all. Easter sorta rubs me the wrong way though since, y'know, Christianity essentially stole and rebuilt it. Do you wait until the last minute to decorate, or do you decorate early? I myself don't even decorate. Mom only does for Christmas, and it's very last minute. What’s your favorite Starbucks drink? I don't drink Starbucks. What were you wearing in the last good selfie you took? *checks phone* uh the one where I'm wearing a red tank top is okay. That's all you can see cuz FUCK taking full-body pics of me. What’s on your wish list right now? Ha, I actually have a list in my phone of things I really want/need to buy when I can. A few include a bigger terrarium to Venus, a treadmill, an Unus Annus shirt before the channel and thus merch expire, glasses for driving... What do you use to sweeten your tea? I don't drink tea. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, I don't wear enough colors or makeup in general to warrant buying one. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? The aforementioned doctor visit. How would you rate your self-esteem? Low, healthy, or high? Low as like, the deepest oceanic trench probs. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yeah. Were you a bigger fan of Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Hilary. Do you make Halloween costumes out of clothes from your closet? Only ever to just be a goth to live out my inner fantasy of regularly flaunting that aesthetic. Do you enjoy putting outfits together? Not particularly. Would you rather it rain or snow? Snow! What does your umbrella look like? Don't have one. What’s one thing you’ve had a toxic reaction to? Do you mean like, emotionally/mentally toxic? I'm guessing probably yes. Even though parts of it were entirely realistic, understandable reactions/behaviors, I most definitely had some toxicity in me regarding the breakup, too. Which do you prefer: cropped tops or tunic tops? Uggghhhh, both are so cute. On me, I'd only ever wear tunic tops, but on others, I tend to find cropped tops cuter. What’s a style or trend that you think is ridiculous? I don't pay enough attention to this to really know... hm. Yeah, idk. Which YouTuber do you want to be more like? I could only dream of being as motivated and smart and determined and "I can do this shit" as Markiplier jfc I Love One Man Only. Do you like stuffed animals? EEEEEEEEK yes!!!! What was your favorite class in high school? Art. Have you ever gotten straight A’s in a class? If so, which classes? Yes; not to brag whatsoever, but too many for me to remember. I remember I got my very first B in 5th grade in I think math, and I was so bummed out. Were there any subjects that you got a perfect SAT score in? If so, what? I don't think so. Are you happy today? If so, what made you happy today? I'm content-ish, not happy, but also not unhappy. Is your bed right by a window? There's one to my upper right and middle left, but my bed's not exactly against either. Do you spend more time in your bedroom or your living room? I barely leave my bedroom. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? Halloween, if I actually did decorate. Do you name stuffed animals still? Very rarely. Depends on what it is, the importance, etc. What titles did you win in the senior class polls? I FUCKIN READ THIS AS "TITTIES" AND WAS JUST LIKE... Anyway, none. Were you popular in school? No. If you’re from the US, what states have you lived in? Only NC. Who was your best roommate? Well, Jason, if he even counted as a "roommate." Was your first roommate your best roommate? See above, considering idk if he fits the term; if he does, then yes. What’s the best family vacation you’ve ever been on? Disney World. Have you ever wanted to be a model? No. What years did you attend prom? Sophomore (bf was a senior and he took me) and senior. What do you want to be for Halloween? I was recently listening to a metal version of Oogie Boogie's song from TNBC and it hit me: MISS Oogie Boogie. A fat bitch could pull that shit off, watch me ho. Which member of your family are you closest to? My mom. If you have any regrets, what is the biggest one? If not, why do you have no regrets? Letting a boy become absolutely all that mattered and more to me. Would you ever apply to be on reality TV? Why? Ew, no. I don't need any more people judging me and my life. What is the best thing that has ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program that saved my life, literally. Do you have a hard time letting things go? It depends on what it is, but generally, yes. I recently realized one of my greatest flaws: I respond very, very poorly to loss, in any way. Looking back on people (especially people), events, other things... a negative, chronic reaction to loss is present throughout. What have you accomplished in life that has made you the most happy? Emotionally healed, a lot. I don't think some things will ever fully scar over, but nevertheless, I don't mentally have fuckin gashes in me. Have you ever struggled with your weight? Ever since the breakup, yes. I thought I was slightly fat before then, but looking at pictures now, I just think "damn hunny u look gud" and realize I was perfectly healthy. But anyway, I was put on a medication called Abilify (full-on name droppin', fuck this med), and it MURDERED my metabolism. I could eat a fuckin carrot and gain five pounds, probably. Emotional eating probably contributed too, but here's the thing: my current doctor took me off of it, knowing the moment I mentioned it that it was not only bad for me and my conditions but also responsible for the extreme weight gain? Pounds dropped like a ton of bricks, and this started before my emotional eating began to die off and regulate. I lost around 80 pounds just from dropping a goddamn pill. Cue college essay-long rant here about how my body image was slaughtered, how much I loathe the fucking doc that kept me on the med and blamed everything on me, and now how I've been stuck weight-wise for two years despite a vast plethora of methods to continue shedding a;sdlkfajkwlelawe GUYS I could rant til my hypothetical great-grandchildren die. When you are out with your friends are you loud and outgoing or shy and reserved? It depends on who the friend is, where we are, etc., but generally, I'm just awkward, trying to be outgoing when in fact I'm questioning every single thing I say and do al;wekjrkawde this survey has taken a TURN. Do you like to stay in your pajamas all day long? I don't leave my pj's unless I have to leave the house and go inside somewhere besides like, a gas station or something that's just "whatever." In high school did you have a lot of friends? Do you still keep in touch? I wouldn't say a *lot*, no, but not a tiny amount, either. The only one I ever still see is Girt, but I keep up with many on Facebook via the like button and shit, ha. Do you really care about such issues as abortion, religion, and global warming? Fuck yes I do. Who is the biggest womanizer you know? Juan sure was, but I haven't been in contact with him for years. Would you ever have a threesome? No. Who is the most attractive person you know? Of those I personally know-know, my answer will probably always be Alon like jc she's beautiful. When did you last feel the most free? ZOINKS we can't ask that question in America rn. Is there anyone who likes (or liked) you and had a really hard time getting over you? I don't know. Did you ever love someone and feel like it was wrong? Love? No. Well, before I realized I was bi, maybe Mini counts, as then I was anti-LGBT and couldn't even imagine myself as anything but straight. What’s your favorite bug? Butterflies. What’s the longest amount of time you liked/loved somebody for? Yeesh... I still can't say with absolute confidence I no longer love Jason at all, whom I started dating in 2012 and went head over heels for. What song makes you cry? There's a few that are capable of it sometimes, but do fucking not play "Stairway To Heaven" if I'm within 10 miles of you. "Another Life" by MiW usually makes me tear up towards the end, but it normally doesn't get that far anymore. Do you like rock or rap music better? Rock, as I'm not a rap fan. If you could watch someone change, would you? Yes let me live my life a;lsdkfjaws Ever known someone with an eating disorder? I don't know. I think maybe? Have you ever had a white Christmas? I think? The best snow we ever got was late Christmas night though, and the next morning was a total whiteout. What’s something you want to do but aren’t sure of yet? Hm. Idk. I'm pretty sure of most things I want to do. Biggest lie you ever told? I'm not entirely sure and I'd rather not search for one. Do you have a religion? I don't fit perfectly into any. I relate most with Neo-Paganism, but even that I deviate from some. Believe that there is a point to churches? I mean sure, people have the right to believe in/worship what they want to, and some people get a lot of joy and reassurance out of going. How do eat Oreos? "I split them in half and lick the cream before eating the cookie." <<<< Converse or Vans? Idc. Eh, maybe Converse, but idk. Dancing or watching others dance? I love watching others dance, it's why I enjoyed dance recitals and competitions. Favorite thing to touch/feel? My cat! <3 Rather be in a tornado or a large earthquake? Both would be horrifying, but I guess earthquake. I've had an outrageous fear of tornadoes since I was very little. Would you rather Santa or the Easter Bunny actually exist? Santa, duh. Would you rather spread gossip or start a fight? Start a fight, I guess. Trying to sully someone's name with false information would haunt me way more than starting an understandable fight. What has been the best New Year's for you so far & why? I don't know. What is the weirdest fear you’ve ever heard of someone having? Do you have any weird fears, and if so, what are they? Uhhh I think maybe butterflies? Idk, even that's not too weird considering it's an insect, and that's common. I'm personally absolutely terrified of pregnancy and also whale sharks scare me quite a bit. ig that's weird. How did you find Tumblr? lol how could you not know at some point as a teen on the Internet. What of the 8 wonders of the world do you find the most fascinating, if any? I had to look them up lmao. I guess the Great Pyramid of Giza. I in general find Egyptian culture and art to be very cool. Do you have a webcam? If you do, do you ever use it and what for? I mean, it's built into the laptop. I never use it. What is something that you think is really underrated? The band Otep, for one. I mean they're not small, but I don't think most people interested in the metal genre know them. OH and then there are A LOT of YouTube artists that MADLY deserve to be signed. I have a large chunk of metal musicians I listen to, and those especially like Jonathan Young blow my fucking mind they haven't technically "made it," even if they have a large subscriber base. Have you ever had a dream where you died? Did anything weird happen to your body after it? Yes, a few. Now hang with me, okay? One of my worst nightmares as a kid involved the wicked witch from TWoO turning me into one of those fucking party things that you blow into it and the paper unfurls and her using it killed me. Yo idk. I was really scared of that witch as a kid. What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had? How about the most realistic? It involved my dad and that's all that needs to be said. Realistic? Hm. This was SO long ago that I barely remember *just* how real it felt, but I remember it felt real as fuck. I was very little when this happened. I dreamed that I went outside to our porch because there was a weird light and when I stepped outside, a swan and a goose flew down from the light onto the porch to become my late grandpa and my deeply beloved cat Midnight, who died from sickness. I'm sure it was just a dream now, but back then, I was VERY convinced it was like a vision from God or something, telling me they were okay and with us. Do you have a favorite fashion trend? What is it? Is there a fashion trend right now that you think is completely ridiculous, and if so, what? What do you think was the worst fashion trend of all time? I don't care about fashion enough to go in depth about all this. I'll tell you right now though that mullets were the worst mistake known to mankind. Do you tend to like original horror movies or re-makes better? What’s your favorite horror movie? Is it an original or a remake? If you're remaking an old one, I'll probably like it more since they're generally not nearly as cheesy. Modern horror movies, I don't have much of a preference. My fave is The Blair Witch Project, and it's an original. What is one characteristic in a person that you cannot stand? What characteristics do you like best in a person? Do you possess any of these characteristics? Those that act violent when they're angry, for one. Those scare me. Some traits that I really like are compassion, patience, genuineness, empathy, kindness just for the sake of being so, stuff like that. I'd like to think I've got some of those. It's notable that in my nightmares, I'm way more violent than I actually am, though. What kind of jeans do you like best? When I actually wore jeans, they were like solely skinny jeans. What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? A very abrupt and poorly-executed breakup after a long-term relationship and falling way, way too hard to be healthy. Does it still bother me? PTSD is stapled on my fucking forehead if you know the slightest about it. I've healed a whole lot, but I'm pretty sure it's a scar that's never going to even fully seal.

[butchedyke]

(for the char thing) stanley uris, mike hanlon, and patty blum

migz!!!! i’m sorry i abandoned this in favour of video games and capitalism i hope i can make it up to u uwu

this is mostly going off the movies but there’s occasional book and miniseries input- i’ve only read the first few chapters, a few wikia pages, and some character meta from the book and i’ve only seen the miniseries once vs the however many times ive watched the movies in the last 2 months so don’t expect consistency between canons

 (also i’m gonna put these under a cut because this post got really long)

stanley uris

How I feel about this character:

there is a reason i use the tag baby boy for stan (and also for miniseries eddie)!!!! he’s my favourite loser other than eddie and i want to like. hold him and make sure he’s happy and healthy and i think stephen king should treat his characters better.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

patty!!!!! their relationship in the book makes me so happy and anyone who’s ever spoken to me about stanpat knows that i am at all times thinking about how she calls his car sedanley.

that being said, i respect stenbrough, stanlon, and streddie but overall this is a stanpat household

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

stan with all the losers but especially richie! which isn’t very original since they are literally best friends but their dynamic!!! good!!!! i’ve not been able to stop thinking about that one scene from the miniseries where richie introduces stan as “this is stan the man uris, he’s a jew,” partially because it’s fucking funny because who says that richie what the fuck, but also because stan just instantly follows up by saying that richie has a high metabolism which makes him hyperactive, and maybe it’s because the miniseries is campy and a little bit shit but the delivery of those lines makes it seem like they do this a lot! they have these introductions ready to go! and i love the idea of them as a platonic package deal even if we don’t get to see much of that in the movies

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i don’t think i really have any? i tend to follow people who hold the same opinions as me tho so i have no idea what’s popular outside of that dshfk

i mean i do think fics that save eddie but not stan aren’t really fix-its and going off the amount of fics where stan’s still dead i guess that’s somehow an unpopular opinion? i know everyone’s focused on reddie rn but god like. stan is right there can we stop ignoring him pls

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

i mean the most blatantly obvious answer here is that i wish he didn’t die! he should’ve gotten to go on his holiday and rail/get railed by his wife and live to meet his friends as adults, catch up on the 27 years they didn’t get to be with each other. he should’ve gotten to have kids, once everything was over, and they should’ve been able to grow up with 5 extra uncles and an aunt bc u can’t tell me the rest of the losers wouldn’t be deeply embedded in their lives. i just wish stan had a chance to be completely, 100% happy without the underlying terror of his childhood.

on a smaller note i also wish we’d gotten to see more of his interest in birds in the movies bc like. he’s babie. and who knows! maybe would’ve helped stop the perception that his entire personality is just being a bitch that hates richie jshfd

mike hanlon

How I feel about this character:

part of the reason i wanted to read the book was for more mike content because i adore this lil farm boy and the movies. well. y’know. :). characters who just openly and whole-heartedly love their friends and go straight ride or die like 10 minutes after meeting them have my whole heart! he’s so smart and so kind and just wanted to protect his friends as best he could even though he dragged them into this whole mess bc he doesn’t want to lose them again!!!! mike deserves the whole world and if his way of getting that is by getting out of derry and getting to know that his friends remember and love him and each other then that’s all i want for him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

i wasn’t overly set on any particular mike ship until i watched the miniseries and saw the homoerotic bike montage and now i’m fully on the hanbrough train. choo choo.

just like with stan i support stanlon but endgame hanbrough is just. it’s right there in the text. bill didn’t divorce audra for nothing in ch2.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

this also kinda ties in with the last point, but jane @billdenbrough opened my eyes, in the middle of a very in-depth conversation about audra’s minion strap, to the world of best friends mike and audra who are both with bill which is both galaxy brained and an incredibly good concept which i think about a lot

also i think mike and ben could’ve had something Incredibly soft if mike wasn’t treated like a background character in the first film and a quest-giving npc in the second one :) :)

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i headcanon mike as gay, i have no textual evidence for this, i just think he’s neat. i think it’s a pretty popular opinion that the movies treated him poorly? and i also think that in ch2 he was just trying to protect his friends in a scenario that did not lend itself at all to protection. drugging bill and not telling the others about the full ritual might not have been the best thing to do, but he was in a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation, and he was trying his best to save his friends no matter how impossible it may have been.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

i uh :) i don’t know if anyone’s figured out yet :) that i wish many things had happened with mike in canon :) :) the first film doesn’t give him much but the second film just infuriates me completely tbqh! he’s basically entirely there to push the narrative (his dialogue doesn’t even sound like dialogue! it sounds like prose explaining the plot and the next steps the characters have to take!), or to drug and lie to his friends. i wish they’d kept his backstory the same, that we’d actually gotten to see him find his token, that he’d gotten a token relevant to him as an individual rather than the group, that we’d gotten a flashback for him, that he was given more screentime and development across both films, like... i wish he’d been treated like the other losers and not a plot point.

i also wish we’d gotten to see him on his travels post-canon, seeing the other losers, and just generally actually getting to be happy- we see the start of it but god i just want to see him having a good time outside of derry.

patty blum

How I feel about this character:

if she were not stan’s wife she would be my wife. we don’t get to see much of her in the movie or miniseries and that is a fucking crime!!!! i’ve already mentioned sedanley but like. sedanley. i’ve read patty’s bit in the book and that’s all i need the other 1100 pages can get fucked, she’s just here to watch family feud and love stan which i can confidently say is a huge fucking mood

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

STAN. i guess i already talked about this before but i’ll keep going!!! my love for stanpat overwhelms my usual distaste towards straight relationships bc they’re so good!!!!! the fact that they’re really the only happy relationship to come out of the 27 year gap and they love each other so much and so like... wholesomely? but they still blow each other’s backs out on the reg and it’s what they deserve.

also i sometimes think about patty/audra as like. kind of a crack ship kind of a “i’m a lesbian and i’m desperate to see lesbians” ship. i haven’t thought about it in depth i just want to plant the seed

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

stan introducing patty to the losers and patty becoming an honorary loser is my weakness!!!! patty being comfortable enough to rib richie (and richieandeddie) with stan, but also vice versa going along with richie’s bits. patty and bev getting close because as much as st*phen k*ng and co push bev as One Of The Boys(tm) there’s just something in having another woman around that can be refreshing especially when they’re both bicons. patty and mike enthusiastically sharing holiday pictures and tales of their trips. patty noticing when eddie’s having a bad day, whether it’s anxiety or lingering trauma, and supporting him through it, regaling him with stories about stan and what essentially amount to dad jokes (sedanley!!!) and making sure he knows he’s loved and supported by all the losers. patty, the teacher, and ben, lunchtimes-in-the-library ben who never outgrew his love of reading, nerding out over shit that the others don’t really know about. bill telling patty all about what stan was like as a kid in that way only bill can, richie chiming in with crude comments sometimes but noticeably keeping quieter than usual, and patty returning the favour, telling them about the last 27 years, and not even richie makes a single joke when everyone tears up (because he’s tearing up the most). stan sitting there the whole time not even bothering to point out that he’s right there because it’s enough for him to see the romantic love of his life and the platonic loves of his life bonding, and yeah, maybe it was worth sticking around for.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i don’t know if this is unpopular but patty pegs. that’s all.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

more patty. let me see my wife.

[hipboneregression]

tw:ed vent (numbers, behaviors)

these vent posts are becoming a daily thing and also very long, but i don't really care. no one reads them, they get buried in my other posts, and they are honestly helping me cope. that was the whole point of creating a tumblr again so here i am. triggering shit after the jump if you're interested.

somehow i lost 1.8lbs overnight, even after eating a poke bowl + cheese and fancy crackers for my OMAD last night (which i thought would bump my weight up due to carbs + sodium & the fact that i'm 6 days out from my period). i have less than 24 fasting hours left until brunch tomorrow, but am planning on drinking at the company xmas party this afternoon (oops lol). i'm still planning on dinner being some weed gummies + bone broth, but we'll see. i might cave. i hope i don't cave, but i might, especially if i get too drunk. the fact that i have both a brunch date, as well as a pizza+hockey game double-date tomorrow should be motivation enough.

the thing that's really getting my goat rn is the fact that i have lost so much more steadily this month as compared to last. literally the only two things that have changed are 1) my water intake and 2) my exercise.

i'm drinking more water than ever, which is honestly making me feel better throughout the day so that's a benefit in and of itself. water truly does move things along in the body and i am never looking back from that now lol.

but my exercise - i've really ramped down the intensity and actually haven't exercised at all this week as i've been sick. i was reading into how exercise might actually slow down or even hinder weight loss and now i'm sitting over here all surprised pikachu face about how much i was likely torturing myself when my ED first developed and during my last bad relapse. obviously it's a lot harder to work off everything you eat than to just not eat - but that was my preferred behavior and method of purging. it was a fucking compulsion. everything in my childhood and my past led me to believe that i was a fat fuck simply because i didn't work out and move enough. and the guilt i felt when i couldn't work out was so fucking overwhelming.

but the reality is that the intensity at which i was working out, coupled with the extreme caloric restriction, was making my body bonkers and driving my body into some sort of metabolic adaptation. during my last relapse, i was fucking fit for my size. i was 200lbs and could run a 10 minute mile and run 10ks like no problem, but i couldn't fucking drop the excess weight no matter how much i fucking exercised. i was working out too much to really drop my calories too fucking low, so i felt stuck, especially because the exercise at that time still felt like such a fucking compulsion. the scale would sky rocket up and down 5lbs in a day without reason. i felt weak. i had fainting spells. i felt sick. i got overuse and overtraining injuries left and right. i felt guilty more often than not even though i was eating clean and all that. plus i was so much more fucking hungry. it's easier to cope with hunger when i'm not doing HIIT or running for an hour every god damn day.

truly loling at myself "curing" my exercise addiction with OMAD fasting. i'm now convinced (in probably still my ED honeymoon) that this is the way and i've been a fool all along. i don't need to do shit for exercise more than 20 minutes a day, if that. the important thing is the portion control. i really wish i could fucking figure out a way to portion control that isn't so black and white, but i can't. fasting is addictive and it's easy. it's so fun when you're at a high weight like me and you can just fucking drop almost 2lbs overnight like it was god damn nothing. the hell will come later. i know it's coming, but i'm trying to enjoy this in whatever perverse way i can, for now.

xxx

[rosetower]

I answered all the questions in that ask

I’m bored 

Thoughts on McDonald's? 

Needs to pay better and be less exploitative but also I’m craving a double quarter pounder rn. I can’t stop thinking about the guy who did a sexual takeover of his local mcdonalds with VIDEO PROOF including the MANAGER. He took it down though... but I remember it. 

Can you recommend a good eczema cream? 

No 😔

Give me a synopsis of Catcher in the Rye. 

Holden Caulfield, fucking up at school once again, tries to come home to his parents and basically goes around NYC in a half-disoriented-semi-conscious daze trying to understand why he feels the way he did, coping with the death of his brother or friend idk if I remember, and has to deal with his feelings of wanting to provide to children but not having the power to do so... or something. 

 Favorite Dream YouTube stream? 

Which ever one he gets real life executed by firing squad in

Why is JK Rowling so transphobic? 

As a white cis woman she benefits greatly from biological essentialist narratives and ideology 

Diva cup or pads? (if you say tampons you're anti feminist) 

Pads but I wish I could do a diva cup. idk if I can fit them. 

When are you upgrading to Tumblr+? 

Never

Johnny Depp? 

Fuck him 

How big is "too big" when it comes to dick? 

ABOVE AVERAGE!!! 6.5″ IS ENOUGH!!! DO NOT MAKE ME TRY TO TAKE ANY MORE!!! WIDTH MATTERS BUT NOT IN THE WAY SOME OF YOU WOULD THINK 

Tell me about your favorite childhood memory. 

Literally just exploring around the woods and the yards that were filled with flowers in my neighborhood and just feeling the sun on me and being able to be free for even a little bit from any expectation of anything but the softness of the world around me. I love gardens for this reason

Now tell me about your most traumatic! 

No

Can you recommend a musician with a "pro lgbt" but "anti porn" vibe? 

What is an “anti-porn” vibe... No I can not recommend anyone like this 

Name one woman who you feel should be killed rn. 

JK Rowling

What would your job on the communist commune be? 

Cooking and food management stuff 

How do you feel about TikTok? 

Den of sin

Suicide hotlines are great but how else can we move people away from the idea of killing themselves? 

Provide housing and financial assistance to every single person on the earth 

No nut November? 

my last November was like this tbh

I'd love to hear your poetry. 

So would my followers 

Name one good thing that Biden has done recently. 

Hasn’t done a damn thing

Have you tried keto? 

For like 3 days once but my liver metabolism is so fucking weird it automatically goes into ketoacidosis so there’s no point 

Please give me the pros and cons of getting a college education. 

Pros: Learning and networking, truly genuine academic engagement with stuff you love, access to resources, learning new skills, meeting new and interesting people

Cons: costs so fucking much money. You may also be barred from resources if you are marginalized. Colleges are also fucking awful towards neurodivergent/mentally ill people imo

Have you ever fantasized about getting fucked by a Starbucks barista in the middle of the store? (You come off as bougie and unapproachable so you'd probably only go for the manager whore) 

Never met a Starbucks barista who was hot enough ... also I’d never fuck a store manager. On principle 

How do we feel about mullets? 

I have many friends who love them. I am ambivalent towards them/meh

How can I raise my baby as non binary? 

Never dress them in pink or blue and never let anyone see them lest they gender the baby for you 

Cake recipe? 

https://www.marthastewart.com/335389/spiced-lemon-cake

Biscuit recipe? 

https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/big-soft-ginger-cookies/ if you mean biscuit as in “cookie” and https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/parmesan-sweet-cream-biscuits/ if you mean real biscuits

Meth recipe?

https://www.sugarhero.com/blue-crystal-meth-rock-candy-for-breaking-bad/

On a scale of 1-10 how much do you love cottagecore?

0 if only because despite loving the aesthetics I don’t associate them with “cottagecore” anymore because of how weird it is

 Pineapple on pizza? 

No

Make an argument in favor of furry porn. 

Most furry porn tends to engage with human genitalia as a whole from what I’ve seen... I’m not a big fan of xenogenital stuff, but it can be done tastefully. I’m not a furry so this isn’t even really my lane either but I think some furries need to understand that the broach into beastiality genre stuff is a little close for comfort depending on times

Subscribe to my channel. 

Where? 

I hate scary movies but love feeling uncomfortable, got any recommendations? 

UNCUT GEMS

Why are you so fat? 

Pandemic, eating a lot, not exercising. Storing love in my body in my fat cells also 

How can we solve the Palestinian genocide in a way that doesn't come off as anti semitic?

What kind of damn question is this... There are Palestinian Jews! It’s a matter of colonization by Europeans and Americans. That’s the entire basis of the state of Israel. 

[ihatebeingfat123]

Wednesday 12. may tw

80.2kg

Yeah i remembered yesteday that i should post but then i ignored. So yeah im home with my real fam now. Im staying untill monday. I texted him some more. Yikes ik. Also i um drank alcohol so thats probably why i got them balls now.

Eh so my fostermom was so nice to me. She said she enjoyed my company, that i was chill and.... somthing else. Aw my heart you guys. But i have a suspicion its fake.

Anyways. Im kinda sober kinda not rn. I ate mcdonalds today💀

I know. Breakfest was bread, topping and pear. Mc was 9 nuggets, sweetpotato chips, BURGER and three garlic dipps. And i had alot of other stuff😳 ah fug.

Tomorrow i need to walk alot... i must exercise to earn the privilege of eating. Im messed up. I messed up. But at least im warm again. My metabolism just📈. Mom isnt coming home untill the end of the month i predict. Its going better though. I just hope they are treating her right.

People were mean to me today. Cashier i told i was like two bags. She said ok. I had to pay for it. I didnt get any bags. I asked her. She gave me one. I said i needed two, for the flower i bought my grandma as well. She just flicked it at me. And the mcdonalds people fucked up our order.

Aw i feel really bad for my grandparents rn. Oh no im almost crying. I need to spend time with them. Tomorrow.

[methylparabenz-blog]

my metabolism goes thru war after eating normally again at really, 22. Ive gone from 170 pounds to 120 back to 140 but today i had coffee and chocolate chip cookies for breakfast but i feel like im losing weight again idk my body has that feeling again I think im going back to eating like a birdie. Basically when i had anorexia I ate mostly junk food but portioned my calories out, I didn’t count fat or sugar or anything, only ate 400 max a day and today I’ve had about 500 calories and i really don’t feel the need to eat any more. I probably got taller since 18 because I wasn’t starving myself at that point but I was still forreal compulsive and I feel like that again idk I look the same as 94 pounds in the past at 120 I have one picture I saved of myself at 94 pounds I was wearing shorts from 4th grade and vaping in the bathroom at seabreeze (I think i was sophomore ? Pretty sure) I used to drink Diet Coke sniff pills and smoke cigs in the bathroom when I didn’t have off campus because I got caught skipping and omg that time mr Lilly caught me hopping the fence I literally just got on the other side walking to McDonald’s right there (I was emotional that day and wanted to binge and purge a burger) (I got even more emotional I got caught and thought I was going to get in trouble) I got sent to mr temples office and he was like “so were you trying to smoke weed” (everybody skipped to smoke blunts right off campus but this time I really just wanted to binge and purge so it was really sad and hurting for me because I didn’t even care about the drugs that day” so I told him straight up like “I have an eating disorder I wanted to get a burger cuz I was hungry” (I didn’t tell him about purging it because I didn’t want to get bakeracted) and he was like uh so you weren’t trying to do what everybody you hang out with does cuz even if that were the case you’d just get ISS and I call your parents I know you smoke weed” I said nope I was just hungry he’s like dam im sorry yeah go to class. I feel the same body rn idk maybe that coffee sped up my metabolism a little this morning? MY LEGS LOOK SMALLER. I just looked at them. Idk today im going to fix up the backyard and super clean the house so right now I really feel like walking to the gym and doing cardio (classic for anorexics >.<) and walking back so that’s like 8 miles together with the workout. I don’t like muscle work outs idk the thought of gaining muscle instead of just being skinny freaks me out like...even if it’s obvious I’m tinier at a higher weight than I am when I’m bigger at a lower weight, I prefer to be at a weight in the double digits. I miss being in the two digit weight. I mean, if I could lose 50 pounds easy I can do it again. If I lost 50 pounds again I’d be 90 pounds, one pound away from 89. 89 was good. I feel sad that I’m friends with Emily from the program but I don’t talk to her because I don’t want her to relapse (she’s caught up though) (she’s been there for a year) she knows, I know, we’re like FUCK WE HATE dhahfhajhfhshdhssh . My mom always calls me fat even when im 89 pounds, especially now though because im normal. I always considered healthy weight on me as fat, but really pretty on everybody else :( i always want ppl to eat and I used to bake cakes for my friends at school and bring them a cake and cut out squares and make them super yummy with extra butter and sugar then frosting. Yeah ok I’m going to stop this journal it’s become another trash post im going to see if I can walk to the gym >.<

[ayyoitsalex]

Chapter 4 - Perks of Being Caffeinated

Moving all the way out to North Carolina hasn't exactly been the easiest thing in the world, and even though Sophia is here too it's just not the same. We go to rival schools, and that here means a whole lot. North Carolina and Duke are the biggest rivals in the state, with some people taking it to extreme lengths. When I got off the plane in Raleigh, I was wearing my Duke cheerleader shirt, and someone wearing a UNC sweater literally just stared and gave me the finger. Like what the actual fuck am I right? It's not all bad, I got set up in a pretty sizable dorm suite. Albeit I share with three other girls. Two bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen. It sure beats the hell out of some of the dorms I saw when I toured here last year. Now I bet you're even wondering why I even chose Duke. Valid question, and yes while I did receive offers from other school for athletic scholarship as well, Duke was the farthest away. It's not that I didn't want to be close to my family, I just saw it as the biggest leap out of my comfort zone. And I did feel a certain connection when mom told me that my grandma was accepted here, though she didn't finish since she got pregnant with mom. I'd been named after my grandma, so I felt some kind of responsibility to make sure I made her proud despite not having known her. -First Day- The sound of girls arguing outside the bathroom had become a typical sight in the mornings. I heard my three other roommates; Becca, Rachel, and Erika all with first day jitters and desiring to look their best. I on the other hand could not give one less fuck. I had an eight thirty class, and I was determined to go in comfy clothes. I sprayed dry shampoo in my hair, and ran a brush through the tangled mess growing from the top of my head. Once I looked somewhat presentable, I put on some yoga pants and a tank top and picked up some breakfast on the way to class. "See you guys later." I said, picking up my keys on my way  out the door. I locked the door behind me, throwing on my sunglasses to complete my ensemble. I left early enough that i could stop by the Devil's Brew. It's the local coffee shop by campus that I've come to love. Had to get my early caffiene fix so I could be a person in front of a class today if need be. I came up to the counter and said; "Yeah, hi can I get a large blue devil latte?" "Can I get a name please?" The barista asked. "Natalie." "Ah that's my sister's name." Useless small talk is like the bane of my existence before I've had my morning coffee. I literally hate everyone and everything until I'm fueled up. Though I  was a good girl and smiled back at the barista. Waiting on my caffiene is the absolute worst, but it's all made better when I hear my name called. The warmth of the coffee cup against my hands almost warms up my heart so I'm not a fucking asshole to the rest of the world. I cheerfully now made my way across campus to my first class. I took a seat in the middle of the pack of students as we awaited the beginning of our lecture. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to major in just yet, so for the most part I was just taking general education classes. First up, sociology. "Welcome to Soc 101, I'm going to be your professor." The teacher stood up at the white board, proceeding to write; Mrs. Bradley in big letters. "And first off I'd like to say I wil not be allowing drinking or eating within my class, so young lady if you will." I groaned internally, but stood up slowly and went on to throw away my cup of what was four dollars and fifty cents. "Thank you, and your name please dear?" "Natalie. Natalie Ryan." "Well let's just mark you as here." The way she spoke was oddly nice but at the same time felt a tad condescending. Whatever, I remembered what my mom told me before I left for school. DO NOT GIVE YOUR TEACHERS ATTITUDE, SABRINA CANNOT SAVE YOU HERE. Class went by pretty quick, and I walked by the trash where my lonely coffee was slowly dying. I wept a little inside for the loss of caffiene. I moved forward, and just settled on a pepsi from the machine. I had a cheer meeting next, followed by a gymnastics practice. For only doing this for a year and a half now, I honestly feel incredible. Also the leotards make me feel sexy, not to sound weird or anything. Getting back to the dorm, it was finally quiet with everyone either taking some kind of nap or glued to some kind of screen. I walked into my room and saw Becca sitting at the desk with her headphones on. We waved at one another, but she was clearly too busy for a conversation. I let her be, and got on my laptop. Nathan and Selena were both online, so I messaged them both. "Heyyy!" It took a minute for both of them to respond. "Hey Nat!" Nathan replied. "Yola Natty, how's the first day?" "Eh it was alright, just school." "Have you guys talked to mom and dad today?" "Nah not yet. I have practice soon." "How's being back at Stanford with Sam? YOU GUYS SEXING YET LOL?!" "OMG STOP ITTTTT LOL. SAMS LITERALLY RIGHT HERE." "JESUSSSS WHY AM I IN THIS CONVERSATION WITH MY SISTERS?!" "LOL sorry just figured I'd ask. And hey atleast if you did she can't get you pregnant. AHEM NATHANIEL DO NOT IMPREGNATE KELSEY." "I hate you guys so much rn." I could feel that Nathan wasn't having it, so I let off. "Anyway, I'll text you guys. I'm going to practice." "Bye twinnnn! Throw the things! xD" -Nathan has signed off- "Omg lol. Bye Nathan. I gotta go too. I have a shift at the library." "Alright fiiiine. Leave me!" "Overdramatic much? lol I'll text you." "Kbyeeee love you." "Love you too." -Selena has signed off- I sat up in bed, and Becca finally set down her headphones. "You wanna grab some food?" Becca asked, stretching her arms out. "I'm thinking of pizza." "Yeah I'm down. We gonna bring Rachel and Erika?" "I don't know. Maybe haha. YOU BITCHES WANT SOME PIZZA WITH ME AND NAT?" "YES!" They both yelled back. "Answer your question? C'mon let's go." I threw on my leather jacket and gallavanted with my roommates. It was fun walking around the streets of the city. It was just so much different from what I was used to. We got a table at the restaurant, and naturally I scanned the place for eye candy. Sadly if you're wondering at this point I am not still dating Wes. Wes and I both decided it was going to be hard for both of us to continue being in a relationship. It was mutally agreed, and I have no ill feelings toward him. Just as sadly everyone was pretty fuckin ugly, so color me disappointed. "What're we having tonight ladies?" We all looked at one another and mutually agreed on half pepperoni and half supreme. "One large with half supreme and half pepperoni please?" I spoke for the group. "Alright, I'll send this right in." "Thank you." We all replied. “I still don’t understand why we couldn’t get hawaiian..” Rachel moped slightly.  “Because no one likes pineapples on pizza Rachel!” Erika snapped. “I do...” Rachel hung her head for a moment, but it quickly passed. A few minutes after waiting, a basket of breadsticks and wings came to our  table, and we all looked at one another confused.

"Um..excuse me we didn't order these.." Becca said awkwardly. "These are from that table of gentlemen over there." They waved over at us smiling like a bunch of drooling dogs. Right now I'm not really in the market for a boyfriend. I'm more into window shopping and admiring. Y'know like any broke college student. Our pizza arrived a bit after and we all mowed down dinner. Gotta love the athletes metabolism am I right? Eat pretty much anything in sight. When we paid the bill, I noticed the group of boys following behind us. They sped up to catch up with us. "Hey hope you enjoyed dinner." One of them flashed a toothy grin. "Yeah it was great, thank you for sending us that stuff." Erika loved humoring people. "Well how about we all hang out? It's still early." I looked down at my watch that read eight-thirty. "Mm..I don't think so...I have an early day tomorrow." I pulled on Becca to get back to the dorm. "No wait." One of them grabbed my arm, pulling me back. "I think you all might owe us a little." "Oh yeah? For what a couple of pieces of bread and some chicken?" I scoffed. He gripped my arm tighter. I pulled slightly, and he wasn't getting the signal. "You really need to let go of my arm. Or I'm not gonna be responsible for what happens." "What's that-" BAM! My foot soared up right in between his legs, I think I might've heard a crack as his voice went up a few octaves. "When a lady says no. You take it as such." He laid there in a fetal position on the ground as the rest of them dispersed. I rolled my eyes as we walked back laughing as to what just happened. Some people just don't get the message, and if it means I gotta break some balls to get it across then so be it. I fairly warned him. If this is any signs of things to come in my new life here, I'm not sure what to think.

[bwicblog]

SA: I am still troubled by this insistence it is just a leaf. It is a shamrock.

SA: In other words. a clover.

ID: 🍃

SA: don't encourage them. it's a shamrock.

SA: 🍀

SA: here, for the fight.

SA: now you will be lucky.

ID: i don't need luck, but thanks for the support. =:)

SA: if you could use your psionics you could eviscrate your opponent and none would stand in your way.

SA: If only.

SA: oh, wait, this was a nonlethal fight.

SA: Nevermind.

ID: uhhh i better be able to use my psi.

ID: for non-lethal uses of course.

ID: does this fight come with a rulebook. =>:I

SA: i thought it was exclusively a melee weapons fight? you know. to be.... accurate.

ID: my psi can be melee weapons!

ID: psi are accurate to the times. =>:I

SA: are they...

SA: is that what the lady in the lake was.

SA: maybe she could do what you do.

SA: throwing out glowing psionic swords.

ID: i have no idea what you're talking about, but yes.

SA: that was very cool, by the way.

SA: I enjoyed that.

SA: I am sorry I had to leave to sleep.

ID: good! did you have to sleep because you used your psi?

ID: i noticed you were getting. sloppy and rubbing your neck at the end. =:/ you gonna be alright?

SA: i am alright. It has just become harder as of late.

SA: i am on my last set of medicine.

SA: I do not know what will happen after this.

ID: =://///

SA: but my inhibitor is now trying to regulate my telekinesis by more physical means instead of chemical, as it is drained of thechemical used to nullify it.

ID: what's the chemical? maybe i can find a way to. hook you up.

SA: It's alright, Hadean. I already searched the black market for it.

SA: it has to be smuggled from the colonies and they've cracked down on the runners lately.

SA: but if you must know, this is the list.

SA has sent InhibitorRounds.txt

ID: i mean it's not alriiight.

ID: do like. the usual psi null shit work? you know, like. the stuff they use on psis they catch and stuff.

SA: No, that is too strong. It would also turn off my clairvoyance.

SA: perhaps if it could be diluted.

SA: but I do not know how that would be done.

ID: i mean. if it's having no psi or being dead. which is better?

ID: i'll see what i can find out for you though.

SA: I don't think I will die. But it would be lonelier without my clairvoyance.

SA: it would be like living in a world that is completely silent.

SA: but thank you, friend.

SA: I will remember this.

ID: well i'll do what i can. =:I

SA: how was pizza?

ID: good! now i'm gonna get makeup done so i can look glam while kicking ass. =:D

SA: make sure it's waterproof so you don't sweat and become one with the clowns during the fight.

SA: will you change or is the hooker outfit for the entirety of the fairs part of your contract

ID: sip is doing it and she fights all the time, i'm sure she knows what she's doing.

ID: and no! definitely back to normal clothes. t-shirt and jeans are what i'm used to fighting in.

SA: oh, I didn't know Sipara wore makeup in her fights. Then again I have marginal knowledge of her fights.

SA: t shirt and jeans...

SA: I would almost prefer the hooker outfit 😮

ID: rude!

ID: i'm sorry i have no fashion sense. =>:I i tried shopping with gliese for clothes but everything is all. old-timey. or garish!

SA: oh, no I didn't mean it like that.

SA: rather that I would be uncomfortable fighting in that.

SA: but if it's what you're used to then it's no problem

ID: oh. well. yeah, i'm used to it. since that's my wardrobe like. every night.

ID: what do you fight in then?

SA: my uniform. 😮

SA: I don't have any photos of it.

ID: do you still wear it? =:?

SA: yes, on jobs that I anticipate will be dangerous

SA: do you only have one set of clothes?

ID: i mean i have three sets of practically the same outfit.

SA: oh.

SA: would you like to go shopping with me?

ID: i mean. sure bud! you seem to have more idea of what to wear than i do.

SA: do you like suits?

ID: i've never. worn a suit.

SA: then I have no idea if I have any idea of what to wear better than you do all I wear is suits and baggy shirts

SA: people often tell me I am too thin otherwise.

SA: we can go ugly shopping then. And pretend we know.

ID: well i doubt a troll can gain much weight on sushi and coffee.

SA: most of my diet is desserts and fruit unless I'm eating out

SA: I don't know how you don't gain weight. Three pizzas, Hadean

ID: just eat out all the time! you have the money for it. or hire a cook to cook for you.

SA: that's as many as twenty slices. And that's a lot

ID: my psi burns it all up. why do you think i'm poor?

SA: oh, it isn't internally generated energy?

SA: it relies on a metabolic process?

ID: it doesn't rely on it, but it messes up the process or something?

ID: i don't know. it's just something i deal with and don't think too much about. i'm no scientist.

SA: I see.

SA: i am sorry.

AA: wassup, did someone mention S C I E N C E? >:}

SA: also, I do not think my roommate would like a cook. And they may rob me. And I will fight them.

ID: no.

SA: hello, AA

AA: arne you surne it's yrn psi, and not just you hiding food in yrn horns forn latern??

AA: suuup, prnisma.

ID: and don't be sorry pris, i mean it's fine.

ID: do my horns look like they can store three pizzas. stop being jelly of my horns.

AA: they totes do. rnight, prni??

SA: I think they are cute horns.

SA: but I want to touch the orb.

SA: and remove it

ID: it is not removeable.

SA: were you hatched with it?

ID: and it'll shock you.

ID: no. it, uh. grew in. Like I had a lumpy ugly horn.

SA: Sipara, I think it would take very condensed pizzas to manage that

ID: and then the lump broke off.

ID: and now i have a much cooler horn.

AA: but what if we comprnessed em way thin??

AA: like. rnoadkill thin.

SA: they would have to be ribbon pizzas to wrap properly on the outside, but I am unsure about the inside.

SA: oh

SA: I still wish to touch it

SA: I wonder what would happen if someone places a psionics field around it

ID: no experimenting on my horn, i was about to say you could touch it but now i'm rethinking things.

ID: also stop talking about me having pizza-stuffed horns. rude.

ID: ps sip are you gonna make me pretty yet.

ID: i don't think i'll be hard since i'm already gorgeous. =:P or at least have some flawless skin.

SA: I wouldn't try to do anything to it, just touch it.

SA: make him prettier, Sipara

SA: his ego craves this 🙃

ID: you can touch it. just be aware it'll feel weird.

AA: y, y, y, just finished up lal, so I'll give him the boot and you can get yrn ass in Phern's van. >:} AA: gonna make you soprnetty that evernyone's phones crnack frnom fucking envy. AA: orn frnom yrn lameass clown tatts. >:P

ID: fuck off they aren't clown tats. =>:P

AA: prni. prniiiiiii. AA: arne you coming orn n?? ain't got any yellow shit, but can totally deck you up in marnoon. phern's got so much marnoon. AA: orn jade. you feeling gothy today? >:}

AA: stfu, they totes arne.

ID: c'mon pri, wear my colors since you're gonan cheer for me. =:P

ID: they are not! they are ancient designs i found in an old scroll that looked kickass.

AA: yyyy. become an honornarny rnustbucket. join the parnty. >:P

AA: and. AA: in an old scrnoll? srnsly? oooh my god.

AA: you A RN E a nernd.

SA: I will wear Hadean's colors. That is fine.

ID: uh you're the one who cuts trolls open to look at their psi organs. so you can't judge you super-nerd.

SA: please do not cut us open

SA: how does jade relate to "gothy "?

ID: ...are you asking because you wear jade pris.

AA: bc jades arne drninkerns and can go out in the sun, and, like, fondle zombies, and shit.

SA: no.

SA: oh, like Perdia wants.

SA: yes, alright.

SA: I wear almost exclusively black and lime

SA: it tells people to mind themselves

AA: no cutting open unless you ask. >:} dnw, we'rne all bosom buddies herne, yeah??

AA: lmao, wow. lime?

ID: if i go down in the fight pris don't let her get to my body. =:I

AA: >:{!!!

AP: I can't actually go in the sun, thank you.

AA: rnude!!

ID: ruder to want to cut my poor body to pieces. and what? laaame ap.

AA: yeah, see, that's what jades say. kinda like hads saying he won't gimme his bod.

AP: I'm pretty sure there's a reason people generally don't like having their body swapped.

AA: and yeah, yeah, you can be like B'L U H B'L U H, hads, but what I'm hearning is yrn totes selfish.

AA: mb I don't W A N T yrn bod forn science. so therne

SS: (Maybe your bod ain't cut out for sciencing? (\unu/) )

AP: ....

AP: That was really good

AA: >:D

AP: Nice

AA: neway, y, you two get yrn glutes overn herne and i'll make you HELLA prnetty.

ID: you wound me bonnie. omw sips. you can sigh in envy about my perfectly even skin.

ID: other than, y'know. the tattooed parts.

AA: dude, if I wanted to sigh in envy, I'd look in a mirnrnorn. >:}

ID: i mean you could if you wanted to break the mirror. =:P

SA: where are we going?

AA: phern's carnt. but also like wait n back this shit up. AA: can I also touch yrn weirnd horn tumourn??

AA: orn is that prnops of prni only? >:}

ID: i suppose. the cart can turn in to a hadean petting zoo.

ID: feed me some damn pellets while you pet me.

AA: yesss. and n, fuck off.

AA: gotta do a trnick forn pellets.

ID: my horn is the trick. =>:I

AA: like, say hello in nerndfesterntongues.

AA: yrn horn is a weirnd abomination I wanna poke. that's not a trnick!!

AA: unless you grnow anothern. in which case: yes, a+ trnick, you should grnow like.

AA: E I G H T.

ID: fuck no one is enough staring as is. =:I

AA: but, dude, think abt it.

AA: you could thrnow them at ppl.

ID: i can throw psi at people already. =:I

SA: yes. It is very impressive.

SA: sorry, I was resting again.

AA: horns arne bettern than psi. forn starterns, they'rne heaviern. >:P

SA: I will come to the cart when you all do. I wish to see Hadean pretty.

AA: .. duuude, lmao. you sick, brnah?

AA: orn just like. tirned? >:?

SA: I always sick semantically speaking

ID: oh! sip!

AA: L M A Ö. >:}

ID: pris needs a null.

ID: but not a full-null.

ID: is there like. half-nulls.

SA: quarter even

AA: haha, what.

ID: sure quarter.

AA: .. let's switch chats, loserns. >:}

AA: wtf you need a null forn?

ID: pris' psionics need flattening.

ID: he used expensive fancy drugs but can't get them anymore.

ID: =:I

SA: my inhibitor restricts my telekinesis to prevent me from causing inordinate harm.

SA: using them dry results in the inhibitor causing me physical pain to incline me to stop.

SA: like having an nerve pinched.

AA: hads. haaads. AA: yrn lucky I like yrn dumb ass, bc, like, if I didn't? you popping up like Y, NULL MY DUDE would be totes fucking weirnd. js.

AA: .. what, and you can't just, like, not use 'em?

ID: some psis have a mind of their own sip.

SA: I do not know if it will spread to my clairvoyance as well the longer it goes

SA: also: I enjoy using my telekinesis to clean.

SA: it allows me to defend myself within reasonable margins but as long as the inhibitor thinks they cannot be regulated then it will keep hurting me

AA: lmao. 'kay. ppl gotta sparnk, i guess. >:} phern won't stop using his shit neithern, but eyy. AA: that's fixable. AA: gimme yrn inhib deets.

AA: it internal orn, like, ext??

ID: it's a big giant thing on his back.

SA: it's a model built specifically for my program. The chemicals are inserted via rods or injectors.

SA has sent InhibitorRounds.txt

SA: these were the chemicals I had been administering

ID: yeah that so can you fix it?

AA: mb, mb. could make something to, like, sornt of synthesize some of that shit? like row h's a naturnal byprnoduct of the saturnine undernpernfornmern rnoadrnoach. AA: but lmao, row a is some srns wadern shit.

ID: ...i have no idea what any of that shit you typed means. =:I

AA: mb if I rneplaced it with.. hmmm. AA: idk, I can trny. >:} but idk how well it'll wornk. orn, uh. side effects. AA: you allerngic to anything?

AA: bc if you dunno, we'rne gonna F I N D Ö U T.

AA: ... and dnw, hads, that was just all S C I E N C E. also, like, tl;dr: bug juices.

ID: oh okay. =:/

AA: do you want me to brneak it down forn you?

AA: .. bc like if you want to get in on the nernderny, i'm all abt that schoolfeed shit. >:}

ID: uh.

ID: no.

ID: i mean. why would i want to?

ID: my psi are cool.

AA: idk, dude, yrn the one making =:/ faces.

AA: and still won't tell me wtf yrn psi is. >:P

SA: I don't believe I would have been finished if I had allergies.

SA: only the best generically were

SA: nevermind

SA: we will find out if it causes me catastrophic harm

SA: I am not particularly worried

AA: ???

ID: my psi are the coolest and that's all anyone needs to know. besides, i showed you a construct!

AA: haha, wait, shit, I forngot. yrn a clownbb, arnen't you? AA: yeah, prnobs no allerngies. idk. we'll see. >:} AA: get some juice beforne you come up, btw, prni, I'll do yrn mugs and then I'm taking chrnome.

SA: clownbb?

SA: why is Hadean a clown baby

AA: no, you, dornk.

SA: why am I a clown baby

AA: he just looks like one. >:P

AA: bc!

AA: oh my god, you don't know anything, jfc. >:{

AA: hads. go fuck off and rnead a rnecipe blog forn a min.

SA: Hadean translates for me usually. I'm sorry

AA: yyyy, ino, stfu. AA: it's nbd.

SA: what does juice have to do with chrome

ID: i am now reading blogs or whatever.

AA: gj. AA: so, like, you got nornmal folks with psi, like, idk, phern n hads. then you got clownbbs like you and phern's fuckboy and rniccin. AA: hanging arnound w highbloods and getting shit shoved in you.

AA: make sense??

SA: Pheres's fuck boy?

SA: I don't really like the term clown baby but I understand what you mean.

AA: the blue one.

SA: I would rather be a clone than. A clown baby even if it isn't accurate.

SA: kit?

AA: kit?? cottontail orn w/e. >:} AA: and loool.

AA: y, guess yrn not wearning paint, so you can't be one. >:P dnw, will find anothern ternm just forn you.

AA: and chrnome is yrn blood. which I'm taking. so I can check if yrn gonna get anaphyletic on me bc I used cheap shit.

SA: oh.

SA: okay.

SA: I have good veins.

SA: 😃

AA: W Ö W, gj, +10 crneepern rnight therne.

SA: that's what the staff told me

SA: anyways.

AA: oh my good. AA: anyway. y. any othern qs??

SA: no not particularly.

SA: thank you

SA: I can give you money.

AA: yw. dnw, dn-- LMAO no. AA: stfu and keep that shit.

AA: 'kay, hads, we'rne done talking science. >:}

ID: okay sweet. i got myself a pastry while i was waiting.

SA: what kind?

ID: just some sort of roll with berries in it. and frosting. tasted good.

SA: scone?

AA: what type of bernrnies??

SA: i should find juice and eat something. This reminds me.

SA: tell us Hadean

AA: y, go do that. no fainting in the van. >:} AA: and brning me something, all we've got in herne is coffee.

SA: lemonade?

AA: food!!

SA: oh! Oh. Yes. I will do this.

ID: no, not a scone. and a bunch of berries. i dunno, i didn't stop to examine them. i just ate it.

SA: he consumes

SA: I will go now. I'll see you all soon.

SA: 💗

ID: sorry i'm hungry all the time. =:P see ya.

AA: haha, omg. awww. >:}

ID: my body is a mess but it's my mess.

AA: lmao. AA: idk, dude, at least it's only one horn on firne. >:}

AA: can you rnly be a mess until then? yrn just, like, a tiny trnash heap.

ID: wow, doubting my mess status. i'm hurt.

ID: ps do you think fighting in a t-shirt and jeans isn't good? like. what do you fight in?

AA: oh, n, yrn totes a dumpstern firne, dnw. just not a M E S S. least, not aftern I'm done w yrn makeup. >:P AA: and idk. whatcha fighting against?

ID: emerel. duh. =:P

ID: and generally other trolls.

AA: no, dornklornd, what strnifes??

ID: ...i can use most stuff alright. whatever i need to use!

AA: you need mobility?

AA: orn you want padding?

ID: well apparently he uses a halberd so i'm going to try and stay in close quarters.

AA: 'kay, jeans arne fine but it's gonna rnip like tissue if he's got a knife. leatherns bettern, tbh. suede?? waaaay hardern forn anything to get thrnough.

ID: i can make armor in a pinch. enough to take most of a hit probs.

ID: gotta remember i have to worry about overheating.

AA: haha, yeah, soon as you starnt moving, dude, you'll prnobs steam. AA: and y, mb you can, but do you have the rneflexes to make arnmourn forn yrn thigh when his fist is in yrn face?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #229

“goddamn, need some help, ‘cuz my girlfriend’s in love with someone else.”

What would you consider to be the worst television channel out there? Idk. I don't watch TV. Are you currently sitting on your bed or some other place? Where? I'm lying in my bed. Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house? What kind? No. When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? Today/technically yesterday but w/e. My school offers it free, but the connection isn't strong. Do you know anyone who is on drugs? Are you personally on them? I mean, I know people with prescriptions of course. If you mean illicit drugs, yes. I don't take them. Name one interesting fact about yourself that people might not know about? Uhhhh I used to be a dancer. Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it, or not? Oh yeah, I don't even have my own phone number memorized. Who was the last person you talked to on an instant messaging service? Hm. Oh, Facebook says the friend of my sister whose wedding I shot. I did it like, two or three or so years ago and she wanted to know if I had the raw photos I took, and I'd literally JUST cleaned out my OneDrive a couple days ago, so they were deleted. Talk about bad timing. What color are your curtains? Are you satisfied with this color? Maroon. Yeah. Does your phone have texting? How many times a day do you text, estimate? Yeah, and I don't have a clue. Sara and I generally text all throughout the day. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Uhhh over a year ago or something. Was the only time. It was just a bumblebee. Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? Yes. Do you think the media can further manipulate our teenagers anymore? Ohhhh, I'm sure it could get even worse. Who would you consider to be your favorite American Idol on the show? I've watched so little of that show. Do you know anyone who has their septum pierced? Does it look painful? I know two, off the top of my head. And I mean, a piercing is a needle shoved into your skin. It's obviously painful to a degree. I'd imagine the septum to be more painful than a lot considering the thick cartilage. Has anyone ever complimented you on your singing? Did you believe them? Yeah, and I dunno. I don't generally like my singing voice, but I think I sing some songs okay. Do you know someone who constantly tries to embarrass you on all occasions? Omg no, I could never handle someone like that with how poorly I handle embarrassment. Has anyone ever kissed you in the rain? Did it seem romantic at the time? Yeah, and I guess, only really because it's an "accepted" thing as romantic. Something you're taught young. What is one part on your body that hurts at this moment, if anything? Nothing, at the moment. What was the last song you listened to? Did you enjoy this song? This metal medley I adore of Shadow of the Colossus pieces is on rn. What is your heritage? Do you have a bunch of mixed heritages? German, Irish, and Polish. When was the last time you listened to a genre of you music you despise? I didn't really *listen* to it, but some ass was blaring his rap music in FYS today. Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge? NO, do NOT. That shit is noooot a joke. People have died. Do you ever countdown to anything? Not really, at least not seriously. Who was the last person to visit your house besides family? A friend of mine and Mom's, Randy. My rat Mitsu apparently fell or something, and her teeth were knocked crooked, and they became grossly overgrown and had to be clipped. He works at a wildlife rehab clinic and is overall just real experienced with animals. It was so awful though, seeing her like that. He's coming over about once a month now to keep them clipped; he's quite sure she has... damn, what was it? Metabolic bone disease (very common in rats), I think, that will push her teeth to keep growing. I can't remember exactly what he said, but. Are you allowed to watch rated R movies? I'm... nearing 24, lmao. How many bedrooms are in your house? Two. Do you see more of your mom or dad’s side of the family more? Mom's. I see both very rarely since they live states away, but yeah, Mom's. I haven't seen anyone in Dad's fam since I was a little kid. Are there any tattoos that you really want to get? lol got a few hours to talk? Do you really believe that everyone has a soul mate? Definitely not. You are compatible with sooooo many people. Do alligators scare you? I mean I wouldn't walk in front of one or anything, but as animals themselves, no. I think they're cool as fuck. Dinosaurs, man. Do you have abs? *ugly wheezing laughter* Have you ever been in detention? Twice I think, but only for too many tardies arriving at school. Do you believe in vampires? Uh no. Can you play the guitar? Not anymore. Have you ever kissed someone while they were dating someone else? Wow, no. Do you like hot dogs? Sadly. Are glasses a turn on or turn off for you? I don't care. Do you have a hot tub? Darling we poor. Would you ever try one of those dating websites? I like to pretend that one time NEVER fucking happened. I very much doubt I would again. Do you like to be tickled? Ew no don't. When’s the last time you flew a kite? Not since I was little. Do you ever take a bath and eat food at the same time? ... Does anyone do that?? Do you hate long surveys? No, I prefer them. I just do them over time. Gives me something to do... and I also don't spam where I share them. Do you like the taste of blood? UM no. Has anyone ever given you flowers? Yeah. When was the last time you swam in a lake? Wowie, I couldn't possibly guess. Who was the first friend you made in Junior High? That's a good question. Maybe Hannia? If you could learn any language, what would it be? GERMAN. I wanna be fluent. When was the last time someone asked you your age? Uhhh idk. Have you ever been on a train? No. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? No, but one girl literally told me she almost punched me. I used to hate her more than anyone in the world because she's Jason's ex and really hurt him, and yet now we're friends, lmao. Oh, how things can change. When was the last time you were angry? Last night because my headache wouldn't fuck off. What’s your worst subject in school? Math. I'm failing like, badly. What’s your favorite genre of music? Metal. Have you ever been called too skinny? OH MOST DEFINITELY NOT. Do you prefer analog or digital clocks? Analog clocks are way more aesthetically pleasing, but digital are more convenient. Do you have any stickers decorating your computer? Bruh I have tape, get on my fckng level. Tell me about the last nightmare you remember having. It was about seeing my grandma, who's really beginning to suffer from her chemo. What snacks do you usually get at the cinemas? Popcorn and a drink, then rarely a candy. Usually Sour Patch Kids. What scent is the deodorant you use? That's. A good question. I haven't payed attention. What did you last receive in the mail? The book Sara sent me. What is your favorite kind of fruit? Strawberries. How far away do you live from your place of birth? Like... 10-ish minutes? Have you ever been in a police car? Only when being transferred from the ER to psyche hospitals. How do you mark through your word search puzzles? I draw a line through them. Or circle them. Depends on the font and size, really. Have you ever sewn something? Idk how to sew. Name a CD you have or one you would like to have. Ha ha, the very first CD I personally bought was the "You're Awful, I Love You" album by Ludo. When I knew like, only three songs, ahaha. Have you ever watched an episode of Barney? I loved him as a kid, so, y'know. Can you name more than five U.S. presidents? Yeah, but I definitely don't know a lot. Are any of your neighbors’ yards in desperate need of a grass cutting? No. Do you still have your tonsils? Yessir. What does your mother’s wallet look like? What about your dad’s? Idk. I don't pay attention to Mom's and I very rarely see Dad. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom and one of my school advisors. And people who walked into the library. Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again? He may still want to be, idk. It doesn't matter though. Does your ex hate you? The only ex I have that I think might is Jason. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to? Girt. Does anyone call you babe? Sara sometimes. Is your school’s mascot an animal? Yes. All my schools' were, lol. What would happen if you were stuck in an elevator with the person you’ve fallen the hardest for? I don't want to imagine it. Do you think that hair extensions and colored contacts make a person fake? Oh my god. Where do your hands go during kissing? I mean that. Depends. Generally just around a person's sides. Conservative or liberal? I'm such a mix. Do you have unlimited texting? Ye. Were you ever in the spelling bee? Never been a part of one. Do you dress suggestively? No. A very explicit song you’ve listened to recently? Ahaha, "Love Rhymes With Fuck You" by Jeffree Star is on right now and it is. Intense. When did you last see someone you know in public? Errrrr good question. Do you think you’d survive if zombies took over the world? Hell no. If you were to write a novel, what would it be about? The meerkat RP I've done since I was 10. My friends and I have made novels upon novels worth of stories. Are you currently pretending to be someone’s friend? No. Are you an impatient person? YEP!!!!!!!!! Are you afraid to watch movies that have sex scenes with your friends? Friends, no. It's awkward with family, though. Who sings the last song you listened to? Jeffree Star. Have you ever had a serious issue involving your eyes? No, other than being a blind mfkr. Have you ever watched South Park? Who’s your favorite character? Yes. Don't have one as I don't really care for it. Do you have sensitive teeth? Yes. Does it bother you to get shots in the mouth? Does it hurt? Nah. And I mean at the dentist they numb you, so not really. When did you last talk seriously with one of your parents? I have no clue. Does anyone ever say they miss you often? Sara. I mean we talk all the time, but she means like, physically being there. Would you rather become a wizard or a vampire, if you had the choice? Idk. I like vampires more, but a wizard sounds funner. Have you already moved out of your parents’ house? I've talked about the apartment situation enough. Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Divorced. Have you ever thought you might just have obsessive compulsive disorder? I'm diagnosed with it. Do you think it’s rude to text someone else while on a date? YEAH. What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? White Chicks never fails to get me. Has one of your websites ever quit operating or shut down? Were you sad? Recently the site I used to upload large .gifs I needed to use online shut down & I'm still mega tilted. There's probably others. Who is the person you talk to the most in your house? I only live with my mom. Is there a television show out there that you never miss? No. What movie have you seen too many times to be healthy? Ha ha, The Lion King I & 2 and Finding Nemo. What is your biggest responsibility in your household? Take care of my pets. How cold did it get where you live, last winter? Idr. Very, for NC anyway. Do you ever wonder what your exes are doing? I only ever wonder about Jason. Have you ever been caught in a huge lie with your parents? Never told a biggie lie to 'em. Ever ride in a limo? When did you last do so? No. Are you sober at the time being? Yeah. Have you ever lied to someone & said they could sing when they couldn’t? Possibly? Are you more tolerant of hot or cold weather? Describe a time when you were extremely cold? Describe a time when you were extremely over-heated? I handle the cold far, FAR better. I physically cannot last very long in like, even 80 degrees. The coldest I've probably ever been was when Sara and I were walking once up at her house and it was really windy. I think the absolute most over-heated I've been was when I was taking bridal shots of my sister's friend outside in the summer for a long long time. I was nearly to the point of tears and was absolutely soaked in sweat. When we got back in the car, I literally finished at least three water bottles in a very short period of time. I think I even downed half of another. What was something weird that you did as a child? Did anyone make fun of you for it? Were there any other children you knew who did the same thing? I actually created this trend in elementary school of digging tunnels in the sandbox with my hands because I wanted to feel like a meerkat, lol. No one made fun of me, I think? And as stated it kinda became a thing, so yeah, there were others. What has been the hardest thing about growing up? What was the easiest thing about it? Was there ever a time when you wanted to stay young forever? Was there ever a time when you wished that you could be older? Accepting my mental illnesses was by far the hardest. Easiest, uh... idk. Enjoying more freedom? There was definitely a time I wanted to be a kid forever; I remember I criiiied when I got my period for the first time because I didn't feel like one anymore. Simultaneously, there were certainly times I wanted to be older. Who was the last person you yelled at? Do you often yell at this person? Are you on good terms with them again, or are you still upset with them? I practically roared at Mom for pulling the rudest shit on me like a month or so back. I definitely don't yell at her a lot. We're on good terms now, yeah. If you work, do you get along with your coworkers? Which one of them have you known the longest? Is your current place of work somewhere that you plan to stay for a long time? Sadly no, so these questions are N/A. Name three items that have much sentimental value to you. Who gave you these items, and for what occasion? Do you ever have a harder time throwing away things that people have given you? My pebble from Holly Hill, my childhood plush moose Brownie that I got in Ohio, and the stuffed meerkat Jason gave me. It's not really because of it being from him, but rather because it comforted me deeply after the break-up. The little guy is so worn from all the love I gave it. I do have a hard time getting rid of things people give me. Who do you speak with more often: your online friends, or those that you see face-to-face? Of which type of friend do you have more? Which of those friendships do you value the most? Online to all three questions. Are you often misunderstood, or do you think that people can get where you are coming from pretty well? Do you think that you have a good ability to understand others? If yes, explain? Eh, idk, really. I feel like I don't communicate how I feel well enough, but I think people understand me decently. Most, anyway. I know I'm pretty good and relating to people. When was the last time that you had a headache? What did you do, if anything, to help it feel better? Which is worse for you: headaches or stomach aches? As previously mentioned, last night. I took medicine, but it was sleep that actually helped. AND I CANNOT DEAL WITH STOMACH ACHES. Gimme a headache over that shit any day. Have you ever had a crush on someone you met online? If yes, what happened between you and that person? Do you think that online relationships are legitimate relationships? Yes, and we're dating now lol. And of course I do!! Out of all of your past friendships and romantic relationships, which one was the worst? If that person were to show up at your place, would you be willing to talk to them? Friendship: Colleen. No, I wouldn't talk to her. Romantic: Tyler, but I mean sure, I'd talk to him. Well, Jason was the traumatic one, but the *relationship*, on my end, was a fairytale. It was the breakup that was... yeah, y'all know. Yeah, I'd be willing to talk to him, but quite honestly I'd probably end up collapsing into a sobbing heap because yeah PTSD. If any, how many friends have you made in the past year? How many have you lost? Is making friends something at which you are good, or does it take you awhile to form friendships? I've made a couple friends online, and I lost none, I think anyway. I can be someone's friend very easily, but it's the trust that really takes a while. If you are 18 or older, did reaching your 18th birthday make you feel like you were an adult? If not, what moment (or moments) made you feel like you were finally maturing? I don't remember, honestly. As a kid, did your parents force you to eat everything on your plate? If you had them, how did you feel about family meal times? If you were to have children, would you have structured meals with them? Well, Mom tried, but my picky ass usually won, lol. Some days I miss family dinners, other days I'm glad to do my own thing. If I were to have kids, I'd probably want to have family dinners, really. What was the last new thing that you tried? What is something you did a long time ago that you might like to do again? I don't know. I don't try new things often. From my past... I dunno. It's too late to think of all this stuff. What is your least favorite part about going to the doctor? What about going to the dentist? Which of those people would you rather see? THE GODDAMN WAIT. My dentist is usually pretty quick, so that's not typically a problem there. Instead, I fucking hate when I have to get x-rays done because I have a very small mouth, and the things they stick in your cheeks to bite down on are always way too big for me. I have to use a size down from adults. Do you ever take care of anyone younger than you (ie. babysitting, watching a younger sibling, etc)? Do you like doing this, or does it get to be a hassle? No, and hell no.