#I planned to write more during the holidays but I just got better after 3 weeks of being sick and now my headache has come back

[creepswrites]

MASK OF HATE (CH 3) | Michael x Reader

just when i was finally starting to feel better physically, i tanked mentally :') so i'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. i hope this was worth the wait though! i promise i Do plan to work on other stuff besides just MoH but rn i just. needed to write Michael for a bit

MICHAEL MYERS x FTM!READER (he/him)

SUMMARY: You internally cursed Dr. Loomis for tormenting this man for so, so many years. Embodiment of evil your ass, he was so obviously desperate for love and care that he'd practically thrown himself at you as soon as you'd proven you would love him no matter what. He was more than the traumas he felt compelled to reenact. He was so, so much more and you loved every part of him.

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Halloween in Haddonfield was always a high-strung time for the town.

Ever since the Halloween killings a few years ago, the town had taken a hesitant approach to the holiday. Parents made a point to accompany their kids everywhere or just simply stay home with them. If phones went down or power went out, babysitting teens were told to cross the street and get help, no matter what. Despite the horrors, people still dressed up, still went looking for candy, and still snuck out to make out with their respective partners.

Halloween for you had been quiet. You'd gone to a small costume party with your friends and tried to stay busy. You knew Michael was out working since news of his crimes reached your party, people whispering and gasping at the reported murders coming from the televisions.

You tried not to think about it.

By the time you got home, it was nearly 2am and you were exhausted. As though sensing your arrival, the Boogeyman stepped out of the shadows of your kitchen, bloodstained and breathing heavily. "Busy night?" You'd called to him with a tired smile. He tilted his head in lieu of any response.

With the holiday over, you wondered what Michael would do next. For many nights after, you lay in bed and bore holes in your ceiling as you tried to come up with a plan. Would he leave? Go back to Smith's Grove? Surely he couldn't keep killing, right? There'd be no people left in Haddonfield eventually. But was that the point?

You didn't know. You didn't like not knowing.

But he didn't do any of those things. Instead, he'd sit on your couch and watch television, intrigued by the cartoons, or follow you around the house. If you left, he'd stalk you from a distance just out of sight. He joined you for dinner and movies in front of the television and seemed to enjoy watching horror films when you put them on. You knew him well enough to notice he had a soft spot for The Thing so you tried to put it on as often as possible.

It became the new normal. Domestic and quiet.

Months passed. Fall oranges faded to browns and whites as winter approached. You'd leave out food for Mayhem in hopes he'd come home but you began to lose hope. All you could do now was pray he didn't suffer or that he hadn't been eaten by some other animal.

Michael always watched you when you did this, stood in the doorway of the backdoor while you sat on the narrow steps, hoping your kitty would come home. It might've looked silly to him but he never tried to stop you. You appreciated that.

During all this, he didn't kill anyone. At least, not that you knew of. You tried to avoid the news and, with your dad gone, you didn't have much insider information anymore. Who knows if they were even still looking for him.

So you made a Thanksgiving feast. Michael was familiar with the concept but you knew it had likely been a long time since he'd actually gotten to participate. So you went all out - turkey, mashed potatoes, corn, green bean casserole, gravy, the whole nine yards. The two of you ate together on your couch and watched Charlie Brown episodes, eating your weights in food and falling asleep on opposite ends of the couch.

When you'd woken, you had been taken aback by how peaceful he looked when he slept. Curly hair ruffled from the awkward angle he lay against one of your throw pillows, his face still but not tense. Pretty, you thought to yourself not for the first time.

It was nice. Everything felt perfect.

One afternoon when you'd gotten back from work, you saw Michael masked up and standing on your front porch cradling something wrapped up in an old towel. "What is that?" You gasped, fearing the worse as you hurried closer.

But you broke down into tears, immediately recognizing Mayhem. Cold, trembling, and most certainly sick in so many ways but alive and home. You'd taken him to the vet's office, a sobbing mess in the waiting room. He'd need surgery for his infected wounds and have to be on antibiotics for a long time but you were just relieved he was home and safe now.

Michael never told you how he found him. You didn't ask, just baked him a pumpkin pie as thanks.

November browns turned to December blues as snow and frost began to make appearances. The first snow day, you'd bundled both yourself and Michael up and dragged him outside to see the falling snow. He wore the mask much less now, often leaving the thing in the corner of the closet, hidden away like a bad memory.

You didn't really understand that. Your best theory was that the mask compelled Michael to kill and now that Halloween had come and gone, he was back to some semblance of normal. He still wore masks from time to time - rustic paper mache ones crafted at your kitchen table on quiet afternoons - but significantly less now. Maybe it was just a Halloween thing and he was relatively normal the rest of the year? You weren't sure. Obviously, you knew better than to push about what happened with his sister but you wondered if the killings were a reenactment of the trauma.

Psychology has always interested you.

It wouldn't surprise you if the great Dr. Loomis neglected to acknowledge that Michael was traumatized, quick to demonize him rather than provide him proper care. That he didn't put together Michael went from a normal boy to suddenly completely nonverbal and monotonous after killing her. It had affected him, even if people didn't want to admit that. Michael himself included.

But wearing the classic mask a little less meant you could slip a cute wool hat on his head and drag him out, mitten-clad hands clasped together as you charged outside. "Come see, come see!"

Michael looked up at the falling snow, squinting against the snowflakes that began to freckle his face. You'd laughed and nudged him. "Try this," you said before opening your mouth and letting the snowflakes fall on your tongue.

He'd given you a bewildered look but tried it. Only because he'd grown so fond of you, you assumed.

Days passed. Mayhem made a full recovery and now spent his days lounging in the winter sun. Sometimes he'd brush against Michael for attention and the man had gotten better at returning it, fingers brushing soft black fur occasionally. It was sweet, you thought, how he'd slowly begun to reintegrate into your life.

When you caught him drawing on looseleaf papers, you decided to get him paints and canvases as an early Christmas present and cleared out your dad's old room to let him have an art studio to paint and work on his masks in private. You'd layed down old newspapers to keep the floor relatively clean when you revealed it to him. He'd spend hours up in there, painting or making masks. You'd helped him hang some up on the wall of the room with little thumbtacks as hooks. He was getting good, you'd thought as you examined a bright orange mask that resembled a jack o' lantern.

Michael didn't show you his paintings very often. That wasn't really the point anyways so you didn't mind. But there had been a few times when he'd leave a dried canvas outside your bedroom door or atop your bed like a cat offering dead animals. Your favorite so far was one of the winter sky painted with fluffy whites and cold blues with your own profile looking up at the sky. The way he painted was streaky, like his hands shook, but it was still beautifully detailed despite the messy lines and bleeding colors.

It was interesting seeing yourself through someone else's eyes translated to art. You'd kept the painting in your room and you'd trace your fingers along the raised streaks of paint, fingers running along the lines of your face. You wondered, fleetingly with bright red cheeks, if he painted you often and just never showed you.

There was a chance. You liked to think he did.

It was around the middle of December as you attempted to get ready for a holiday party. Attempted being the key word. “Michael,” you sighed, adjusting your elf hat. “I told you, I’ll be back later tonight. I’ve left dinner in the fridge and I promise I’ll call when I’m coming home.”

It was nearing Christmas when you'd gotten invited to a holiday party. You were attempting to get ready, dressing up as a cute little elf. Attempting being the key word. "Michael," you sighed, adjusting your stupid looking elf hat, "I told you, I'll be back later tonight. I've left dinner in the fridge and I promise I'll call when I'm coming home."

Michael glared at you behind the accursed Halloween mask. He had a habit of being a bit of a brat and you found it equally annoying as you did endearing. He'd put the mask on when he'd learnt you were leaving but you'd expected that. Whenever he was generally stressed out or upset, you'd find it covering his head. The symbolism there wasn't lost on you but you had more pressing things to worry about then the possible metaphor of Michael masking himself literally and figuratively.

"If you're so upset, why not come with?" You snorted to yourself as you focused on doing your eyes in a dark green with white mascara. "I can do your makeup, dress you in a cute sweater, no one would know it's you. Could be fun, yeah?"

You paused to do your lips in a dark red. Makeup wasn't really your preference but it suited the costume you wore - a dark green tunic with red and white striped knee socks with brown boots. The hat was a matching green and jingled stupidly from the little bell on the end. You'd done your face with a heavy blush and had drawn little white snowflakes in liquid eyeliner. It was cute.

The sound of heavy footsteps approaching you had you spinning around. Michael stood directly behind you and tilted his head when you made eye contact. "Wait, are you serious?" You blinked in surprise. You'd gotten good at reading him in the few months you'd spent living together and you could tell he was accepting your offer.

He gave you a blank stare before putting a hand around your neck and squeezing. You noted his tense shoulders and tried to relax. A few months ago, this gesture would have terrified you. Now you knew that it was just his way of expression. A knife and a violent hand was all he could use to convey things so you'd learnt to just roll with it, knowing that his intent wasn't to kill you.

So you didn't panic.

"I'm not making fun!" You insisted, lifting a hand to push lightly at his chest. "I just need to be sure you're actually interested in going. There'll be people there, you know that right?" Silence. "People you can't kill." More silence. "I'm not kidding either, you can't hurt or kill anyone if you come with me." It had been a long time since he'd killed anyone but you could never be totally sure of his motives. He could still be unpredictable from time to time.

Michael let you go and marched towards the dresser. You watched curiously as he fished out a black shirt and black jeans - clothes you'd gotten for him when he couldn't be in the jumpsuit - before offering them with outstretched arms. He gave you a curt nod and you smiled.

He didn't do that often so you knew he was serious.

"Alright then, c'mere big guy," you motioned for him to sit on the bed as you began gathering up makeup supplies. You kept your head turned away as he changed to offer him some semblance of privacy. Growing up in an institution meant he didn't have a lot of shame left but you always felt bad when you thought about that. 

You missed the way his hands shook as he took off the mask, too busy searching for a colored contact for his injured eye. You found a pretty jade green and figured that'd work. Heterochromia was uncommon, not unheard of. Some red eyeshadow for his eyes would help cover up the scar and would also be cute for a Rudolph nose. You collected your supplies and turned to Michael with a wide smile.

That smile fell when you saw him sitting on your bed, dressed up nice as he stared at the mask clutched tightly in his hands. He stared into its face with wide, terrified eyes and that made you freeze. You'd seen that look only once before: when you held each other in the bathroom after you'd saved him from being shot.

"You don't have to go." Your voice was soft and reassuring. He looked up at you slowly and you continued. "I know this isn't something you normally do, but-" Michael blinked slowly as you rambled. "I don't want you to feel like you have to do this for me." The last thing you needed was him snapping and killing people at the party. You'd both be in trouble for that.

But you also wondered if he was unfamiliar with being given choices. You never forced Michael into things he didn't want to do and it was possible he wasn't used to that.

He stared at you for a long time, fingernails digging into latex, before he unclenched long enough for the mask to fall to the floor with a soft crunch. The two of you stared at it for a long time and he blinked rapidly as he stared. You could tell by the clenching and unclenching of his jaw that he was fighting something off.

You wanted to make it easier for him.

So you took a seat beside him and reached for his face with slow hands. His flinch made your heart break and you cooed to him softly. "It's just me," you soothed as you clicked open the container with the contact lens inside. "I'd never hurt you."

Michael relaxed slowly, watching you with something storming in his eyes. You cupped his cheek with one hand and his eyes fluttered briefly. "Have you ever put contacts in?" You asked, smiling warmly at him.

He shook his head once. This was going to be tricky.

It took some time to get the contact in. Neither of you really knew what you were doing and you kept worrying it'd roll back to his brain. But, with your combined efforts, it now sat comfortably in his eye. Pretty green-hazel heterochromatic eyes that you fought to not get lost in. Even with the scarring he looked… normal.

"Should I even ask if you've ever worn makeup?" You teased as you took out the eyeshadow. "I'll be brushing your face and around your eyes. Is that okay?"

Michael blinked slowly, which you took as a yes.

"Stop me if it gets to be too much, okay?" You said softly before dabbing the brush in the dark red and swiping it gently over his lids, relieved it covered the scar pretty well.

You weren't sure how familiar people were with his actual face. When people thought of Michael Myers, did they just see the pale, masked face of the Boogeyman? Or did they see his mugshot, televised on the evening news as they reported his escape and recapture?

When you moved to his next eye, his hand shot out to clench your hip tight. He hated feeling vulnerable. You were the only exception to his no touching rule because you'd proven your loyalty. In exchange, he'd given you protection. But he still disliked giving over control and holding you like a stressball was the only thing he could do to abate his anxiety.

You dusted some red on the tip of his nose and smiled to yourself. "So a few of my friends will be there," you hummed as you added the finishing touches on the raccoon-style eyeshadow you'd given him to hide a lot of the scars. Since he was wearing darker clothes, you reached for the black eyeshadow next with the intent of dusting it around his lids to give him a smokier look. It made him a tad intimidating, black soot that petered out into a dark red. "They'll probably try to talk to you but I'll try and take over. If they ask, we'll say you got in a car accident when you were young and haven't been able to talk since."

He gave your hip a squeeze in confirmation.

You brushed some red on the tip of his nose with a hum. "My friend Leslie is the chattiest so at least we won't have to worry about him. He's always rambling on and on about the horror novel he's writing. To his credit, it's really interesting." You began to brush a heavy blush on his cheeks, chuckling at the way he squinted against the sensation. "It's about some boy who was thrown over a waterfall before rising to take revenge on the town? I think? I mean, he'll certainly tell you all about it. I think he's calling it Behind the Mask or something, I'm not sure."

Michael opened his eyes when you finished with the blush and you froze. He looked good and you couldn't help but stare. Tight fitting shirt, half-lidded eyes decorated in smoky colors, and messy brown curls that you made a note to fluff up before you left. He looked painfully normal and pretty and you wanted to-

You cleared your throat and grabbed the white eyeliner pen. "This'll be colder but try not to move." Gently, you held under his chin to keep him steady as you began to dot little freckles along his cheeks and nose, pausing to draw larger snowflakes at the corners of his eyes. That way you two matched!

When you pulled back, you realized he'd been staring at you.

There were a few times in the time of you knowing Michael that you wondered if he could read minds. If, in order to be the scariest thing possible, he knew exactly what scared someone. But, you reminded yourself, this wasn't some Stephen King novel. Still, it unnerved you to consider he knew what you thought of him privately.

"Oh! I know!" You hopped up and hurried back over to your vanity, grabbing a brown headband decorated with felt horns wrapped in tiny bells. They were painfully cute and you spun to show him.

He squinted at you and you giggled. "Trust me, it'll look super cute." Sliding it atop his head, you finally got to fluff his hair out to disguise the band better. When you stepped back, you gave him a once-over and a smile.

Michael fucking Myers dressed up as a reindeer. Cute little nose, horns, and all.

"You think we should use nicknames to be less suspicious?" You hummed, tilting your head - a habit you'd picked up from him. "I could call you Mike." He glared at you and you smiled with a faux-innocence. "Aw, don't like it?" He glared harder and you laughed. "Well, if they ask for your last name, I'm making something up!"

He got up wordlessly and made his way to your vanity, examining himself in the mirror. As expected, he didn't say anything. But he did touch lightly at his eyes, curious when the powder came off on his fingers. You joined him, looking you both over in the mirror. From the outside, you two looked like any normal young couple heading for a Christmas party.

“Well Mikey,” you said as you grabbed your bag, “Shall we?”

You laughed at the slow, unimpressed blink he gave you.

You were honestly impressed Chrissy managed to get so many people to come. She'd been very popular in high school - a cheerleader who'd dated the quarterback of the football team, well-liked, and clearly still riding that high despite graduating out of high school cliques. Chrissy had been a year above you but had always been one of those girls to try and invite everyone she knew to any events she threw. So you weren't exactly close friends but you'd helped her with a school project once and apparently that was enough for her.

The house was decorated to the nines, lined in little white lights that glistened against the freshly fallen snow. Little reindeer animatronics made of the same lights "grazed" in the front yard and little candy cane lights lined the pathway. It all felt a little magical. A small flurry had picked up when you and Michael got out of the car and made your way up to the front door.

Michael paused to look up at the sky while you rang the doorbell, listening to the melodic chimes ring out inside the house. You swore he almost smiled, his hair dusted in little white flakes when he looked down at you. Your heart seized at the sight and you were struck with the urge to k–

Chrissy opened the door, smiling wide and dressed in an inappropriate Mrs Claus outfit. She surveyed you both and let out a surprised gasp, the corners of her mouth curling in delight. "And who's this hottie?" She whispered at you while giggling like a schoolgirl. "I didn't know you knew any cute guys. No offense." She twirled her hair, shamelessly looking Michael up and down.

Jealousy shot through you like a bolt of lightning. "He's my boyfriend."

"Oh," she seemed almost disappointed, which you tried to brush off. She'd always felt a little entitled towards whomever she determined was the most attractive guy. It was just how she was, even if it pissed you off in the moment. "Well, I'm happy for you!" She spun on her heel and led you both into the house, gesturing for her butler to take your coats. "Feel free to mingle, lovebirds! We've got drinks, food, and our chef made a bunch of cookies."

Michael seemed to notice the lovebirds comment and you flushed, giving a nod and smile to Chrissy while trying to ignore his stare boring into the back of your head. "Thanks. Oh, um, here!" You reached into your bag and held out a small, nicely wrapped gift. "For the Secret Santa."

She lit up and took the box enthusiastically. "Ohmygosh, thank you! I was just going to ask." Chrissy added the box to a nearby table and clasped her hands together excitedly. "Alright, perfect, you're free to go!"

You led the way to the kitchen, dodging a few familiar faces with smiles and waves and promises to return once you'd gotten some food and drinks. Michael held your wrist the whole way there, squeezing harder and harder the more people spoke to you.

The kitchen was huge, white, and perfectly pristine. The maid who cleaned everything always made their house look like an interior design catalog rather than an actual home. A large plate of highly elaborate sugar cookies lay atop the countertop, a large amount already missing with only trails of crumbs indicative of their place there.

You grabbed a candy cane shaped cookie and gestured for Michael to grab one. "I think you'll like these." He just stared at you, eyes widened ever so slightly. "What?" You asked through a mouthful of cookie. His head tilted slightly and you swallowed nervously. "Sorry for the, um, boyfriend comment. It just, uh, it felt like a safe alibi, y'know?"

Michael stared at you, eyes calculating. You prepared a million apologies in your head before he reached for a snowman cookie and bit into it, never breaking eye contact. You weren't sure if that was approval or disapproval so you both just stood there, staring awkwardly at each other and eating sugar cookies. Your fingers drummed anxiously on the cold marble tile of the kitchen counter as you tried to stand your ground.

When he finished his, Michael stepped closer to you and placed a hand at your waist. He leant forward and pressed his lips to your forehead, making you gasp in surprise. It wasn't exactly a kiss but the intent was there and the message was clear. You swallowed when he pulled back and you swore his eyes softened. "Okay, okay, cool," you said quietly, trying - and failing - to hold back your smile.

Standing on your tiptoes, you pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek and smirked to yourself about the faint lipstick stain there. You snagged another couple cookies and a glass of cider. His cheeks were a soft pink when you passed him one of the cookies. "Shall we brace the music?" You grinned as you took his arm and led him out the door back into the party.

Everything went perfectly, all things considered. Of course, everyone you knew wanted to meet your new boyfriend. "It's a recent development," you'd say as Michael took a drink to avoid talking. "I met him when my car broke down and we just… hit it off, y'know?" You'd smile as though recounting the memories through your pleasant buzz from the cider.

"How long have you been dating?" You were asked a few times.

"Oh, a month and a half now, I think. It feels like it's been longer." You'd say while Michael chewed on cookies.

It had been, if you thought about when the starting point of your relationship could've been. Maybe not long after he'd gotten sick and you'd cared for him in a way he hadn't had since he was a child. Or maybe after you'd both made a wordless pact to each other while your father lay bleeding on the kitchen floor. Hard to say. But calling him your boyfriend had come so easily that you questioned how long you'd considered him that in your subconscious.

When Chrissy announced her parent's arrival with a few of their friends in tow, you went to greet them without a second thought. You froze in fear when you caught sight of her father: John Kallas. Officer Kallas. A friend of your father's who had been part of the team searching for Michael around Halloween.

You clutched Michael's arm and steered him to a quiet hallway of the house. "Don't let her dad see you," you whisper-yelled. When he tilted his head, you ran a nervous hand through your hair. "He was one of the cops looking for you. He might recognize you."

Michael didn't visibly react but you did notice him clenching his jaw. "I didn't know he'd be here! I hadn't thought of it until I saw him." You sighed, frustrated with your own anxiety rising. "I'm sorry. Do you want to leave?"

He seemed to think it over but you were interrupted by heels clicking on the tile floor. In a panic, you grabbed his wrists and put his hands at your waist. "Act like we were kissing." You whispered as you leant in, bumping your foreheads together.

His head tilted askew slightly and gave you a moment to mess up your lipstick a little. The footsteps came to a halt and you heard a familiar laugh that made all the anxiety in your body melt away in an instant.

Kalei stood with their arms crossed, looking you both over with an amused expression. "So is this the guy you were telling me about back in September?" They laughed at seeing the way you hid your face in your hands in embarrassment.

Michael gave you a quizzical look and you groaned. "Yes, yes, he is." You confessed with an exhausted sigh. "But shh!" You waved a hand at them to try and quiet them.

They didn't back down though. "He would gush about you at work to me all the time," they drawled out, ignoring your flustered protests.

"I didn't-!"

"You better treat him right!" Kalei said, crossing their arms over their chest. "I may not look it but I can pack a serious punch."

Michael blinked slowly before looking back at you. "What do you need, Kalei?" You sputtered, trying to change the topic before your impromptu boyfriend decided to make a scene.

"Oh, the Secret Santa's starting. Came to getcha." They gestured for you both to follow with an impish smile growing on their face. "Better hurry up before people start making assumptions." They teased with a waggle of their eyebrows.

Your face lit up like a torch and you gently pushed Michael away to march down the hall. "N-no, wouldn't want that, yeah." Your voice sounded far away to your own ears, too much blood pounding through your head.

Michael followed on your heels like a loyal dog and you tried to ignore the way that made you feel.

You and Michael took a seat on one of the couches and you held his arm almost possessively, especially when you noticed some of the other girls at the party kept looking at him with bashful faces. It pissed you off just how shameless they were even when they knew he was dating you. Was it that hard for people to believe?

The absence of John Kallas made you think that he and his buddies had gone into one of the other rooms. Which put your mind at ease, at least a little.

The Secret Santa was relatively uneventful. You clapped politely as people opened their gifts and were surprised when Chrissy handed you your gift from her. A book on growing vegetables with a tab already inside on a picture of a tomato plant. "You think I should grow tomatoes?" You gave her an amused smile.

"Well, duh! It, like, suits your whole vibe, y'know? I'm surprised you don't grow more vegetables." Chrissy had nudged you gently as you began leafing through the rest of the book, skimming the words as Michael watched over your shoulder.

As it finally came time to leave, you were saying your goodbyes to Chrissy when you spotted Officer Kallas leaving the kitchen. You pulled Michael out of there quickly, hoping that the stumble the officer gave was simply him tripping and not because he'd seen The Boogeyman as your date to his daughter's party.

Your walk back to the car was brisk and silent. White snow was like stars as it fell overhead before coming to rest on your shoulders and the ground below. "Thank you for coming," you said, reaching over to squeeze Michael's hand. "It was nice having you there."

Before you could pull your hand away completely, he gave you a squeeze of his own before climbing into the passenger seat.

Oh, you thought to yourself. Oh.

For Christmas, you'd gotten Michael a drum set.

It had been an impulsive buy, a decision you had made while walking past a thrift store and noticing a decently priced set on display in the window.

He enjoyed doing things with his hands - be it painting, making masks, or, most recently, helping you decorate Christmas cookies. So you figured he'd get a kick out of drumming. You lived far out enough that he could afford to be loud without worrying about waking the neighbors up and you had a detached garage he could play in. Maybe when the weather got warmer, he'd move outside.

And it might help him to let energy out. You'd caught him giving death glares to random postmen who came to your door and he'd already begun the habit of wearing the accursed Halloween mask around the house again. So you didn't want him to get bored.

“Here,” you said as you passed him the drumsticks. He examined them curiously and you gestured to the drums. When he gave you an empty stare, you took one of the stucks and whacked on the cymbals. That made Michael’s eyes widen and he moved around to take a seat. “You can be as loud as you want with them. No one’ll hear soooo… go crazy!”

Michael took the stick back and held them both in hesitant hands. With a few bangs that seemed exploratory coupled with getting the hang of pressing his foot to make a lower noise, he seemed to catch on pretty quick. His banging grew in speed and volume as he gained confidence and you laughed, covering your ears when the sound echoed off the walls of the small space. "You got it!" You called over the crashing cymbals.

A loud bang signified the end of his "song" and he stared at you with wide, crazy eyes, panting heavily. "Fun, right?" You smiled at him. "They're all yours so you're free to come play them whenever you want."

His lips curled into an almost feral smile that made you smile back. You'd never seen him smile before, much less like that.

Over the next few days, Michael continued sneaking – literally sneaking, like he'd be in trouble if you spotted him – into the garage to play the drums. His disorganized, chaotic banging was slowly starting to take form. Organized chaos, you smiled to yourself. The loud sounds and movements gave Michael a chance to express himself with noise which was quite the contrast to his usual quiet self.. You also found it exceptionally cute when he'd go play and come back inside hours later with his wild brown curls disheveled and a crazed grin on his face.

It had been unsettling at first seeing him smile the way he did but now it just made your heart seize. His fingers would drum on things to a tune you couldn't hear and he was painfully human now, relaxed around you and genuinely happy, from what you could tell.

So you made a mixtape for him that focused on heavy drum sounds, steady but loud beats the way he liked. At first he didn't seem too interested in it but you'd since caught him listening to it a few times, eyes closed and posture relaxed. Music wasn't something Michael had a lot of exposure to so you had fun introducing him to various bands and musicians.

Metal music seemed to be his preference, which made a lot of sense.

It was New Years when things really changed.

You and Michael had the television on with the channel turned to watch the ball drop. It wasn’t typically a tradition you cared about but you could tell your housemate was intrigued. He’d been upstairs painting for most of the day while you cleaned the house up a bit. "Spring cleaning," you said to Michael as he watched you from the kitchen. "Cleaning makes me happy. It's nice to get everything back in order after the holidays. 'sides, it's still too cold out for gardening."

Michael tilted his head but retreated back upstairs with his water jar for his paints.

Once the sun set, you made hot chocolate and ordered pizza. Michael preferred just plain cheese but you’d gotten yours with olives - something Michael always gave you looks for. "Don't knock it 'till ya try it," you'd snickered through a mouthful of pizza.

His brow furrowed in distaste as he took a bite of his own pizza.

It was cute. He had a lot of personality once you knew where to look. And he’d clearly gotten very comfortable with you during the time you’d been living together. It felt like a great honor to get to see Michael Myers do something as mundane as eat pizza in lounge clothes.

The two of you watched cartoons for a few hours until 11:57 hit. You flicked to the news channel and let your head loll to the side and rest against the back of the couch. "It's not the most exciting thing in the world," you said as you glanced at Michael, "But it's fun. It's nice to see everyone around the world get together for something like this."

Michael had just stared at the television with a slight tilt to his head. 11:59 struck and you felt your throat tighten as an idea came to mind. You recalled a conversation you'd had with Chrissy a couple years back where she'd told you about her favorite New Years tradition.

50 seconds…

It couldn't hurt to ask, right?

45…

“Hey, Michael?” Your voice was barely a whisper. You kept your eyes trained on the TV even when you felt his eyes on you.

40…

Swallowing was a challenge for you. “There’s, um, a kind of New Years tradition. That, um, it means-”

30…

“-you’ll have good luck for the rest of the year.” Your words were slow and methodical. It felt like you had to really sell him on the idea, even if you were afraid to tell him what it was. You weren't even sure you wanted to admit to yourself how badly you wanted to-

25…

“Want to do it?”

Michael just stared blankly at you. His eyes darted between yours, calculating. It made you feel flayed open despite the fact you were pretty sure he didn't know what you were talking about.

20…

He gave you a single nod. You quickly darted your tongue out to wet your lips. Now or never, you sighed internally.

“Trust me,” you said more than asked. His eyes widened slightly but he didn't pull away. You knew he trusted you and all you could do was hope he didn't react poorly.

15…

You swallowed around the heavy lump in your throat and tried to not look too worried. If he got the impression it was something bad, you may lose your chance. Lifting a gentle hand, you let your fingertips graze his cheek before slowly settling to cup his face properly.

It was like you could hear the sound of your own heart pounding even over the cheering on the television.

10…

"This okay?

9…

Michael's eyes softened and he gave a slight nod, as though worried he'd dislodge you entirely.

8…

You scooted closer, the both of you adjusting so you were sat facing each other, opposite shoulders brushing the back of the couch. He sat perfectly cross-legged while one of your legs braced against the floor.

7…

Slowly, you reached over with your free hand to tangle your fingers together in a loose hold.

6…

His eyes widened more and his lips parted. A look of realization flashed in his eyes and for a moment you worried you'd overstepped.

5…

"Still okay?"

4…

Michael gave a small nod again, eyes darting all over your face as he searched for…something. You weren't sure.

3…

2…

1…

You leant forward and pressed your lips together in a sweet kiss. The sounds of cheering that came from the television felt far away and underwater. Every sense in your body was focused on Michael - the warmth of his hand, the residual taste of hot chocolate on his lips, and the soft intake of breath you heard when your lips met.

It felt like the cheering was for you two.

At first, Michael didn't seem sure what to do with himself. With some gentle guidance, you tilted his head to the side to let him lean into the kiss better. He was clearly trying, so you scooted closer and let him set his hands on your hips to lift you into his lap without breaking the kiss.

When you parted to catch your breaths, Michael was staring at you with half-lidded, glassy eyes. It felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest

You pulled him back in, tangling your fingers in his hair to keep him in place. His arms wrapped around your waist and you sunk into his hold. Being with him felt warm and safe.

So yeah. Things changed on New Years. But neither of you were complaining.

The snow finally began to clear up, being replaced smoothly by sleet and rain. It was honestly far more preferable to you, since it made walks in the forest more enjoyable. You'd always preferred the rain.

It had been a few weeks since the New Years and you and Michael were in some type of relationship. The word "dating" had come to mind but it wasn't really accurate. It was more than dating. You were partners in crime - literally and figuratively - as well as good friends, housemates, close confidants, and, more importantly, you saw each other. Really and truly. You'd both picked up on the others wordless sentences and slight shifts in your bodies were like loud declarations. Sure, you two held hands and he let you touch him more but that wasn't what was important to you.

Michael smiled more. He'd watch you with soft, sleepy eyes, stopped tensing whenever you cut his hair, and you'd caught him dozing off on the couch a few times.

You internally cursed Dr. Loomis for tormenting this man for so, so many years. Embodiment of evil your ass, he was so obviously desperate for love and care that he'd practically thrown himself at you as soon as you'd proven you would love him no matter what. He was more than the traumas he felt compelled to reenact. He was so, so much more and you loved every part of him.

Today, you needed to run down to the store to grab a few things. The rain had finally let up enough that you felt comfortable driving. "Michael? I'll be back around 5:30, alright?" You called into the house as you fastened your shoes.

Ever since the Christmas party, he'd gotten better about you leaving the house for short periods of time. So long as you promised to come back, that is. If you didn't, you knew he'd hunt you down with a knife and a bloodstained jumpsuit. Of that, you had no doubt.

Michael appeared in the doorway of the kitchen staring at you. You shot him a grin and grabbed your bags. "Be back soon!" You called over your shoulder as you ventured outside.

Looking back on it, you wished you'd stayed home…

You were examining a box of cereal for dents when someone approached you. "Hey," Chrissy's voice came from behind you. When you turned, she looked tense with her arms around herself and her smile was tight. Forced. Alarm bells began ringing in your head but you smiled back.

"Hey, Chrissy. Uh, you okay?"

"How's your boyfriend? What was his name, um, Michael, right?" She looked like she'd be sick and you felt white-hot adrenaline shoot through you like a bolt of lightning. "He, um, is he around?"

You swallowed, keeping your movements slow and casual. If you cracked, then she'd know. So you made a show of putting the cereal box into your cart and took the chance to look around. The aisle was empty but you caught the sign of movement near the end. Blue police uniforms, likely Chrissy's dad and his partner.

"No, he's traveling." You gave Chrissy an exhausted smile. "Y'know I'm not gonna pass your number along, right?"

She looked pale but her smile got wider and she took a small step back, like you terrified her. "Did, um, did someone die?" Her fake pout made you want to punch her in the face. Her faux sympathy oozed from her tone and you couldn't help the way your eye twitched. "Maybe his sister-?"

You froze in place. She knew. You don't know how she found out but there was no doubt she knew. Why the hell Officer Kallas had waited so long to act, let alone use his daughter as bait, was beyond you. Had he seen pictures from the party and asked Chrissy to identify him? Had he compared it to his mugshot? The thought of that made you irrationally angry.

"His dad is sick." You grit out through clenched teeth.

"You're sick," Chrissy shot back like a viper. "You've been sleeping with the fucking Boogeyman! You brought him to my house, oh my god, what if he killed-!" She choked back a sob, having the audacity to look betrayed.

Like a Barbie doll with mascara tears.

Enough was enough. You spun on your heel and marched away from a sobbing Chrissy like a man on a mission. You heard Officer Kallas call your name and you took a steadying breath before spinning, swinging the metal cart full of boxes and cans behind you and watching the two officers stumble and trip. Chrissy shrieked in fear and you took off towards the sliding glass doors. The crackle of a walkie talkie behind you was loud, too loud for you to make out any words being said. Everything in you was hyperfocused on running.

You heard heavy footsteps hot on your heel and you wished, momentarily, that you had a weapon of your own.

All you had to do was get to your car, the little piece of junk like an oasis in a hot desert. All you had to do was get in and you could get away, get to a phone booth and call Michael. Tell him to get Mayhem, pack bags, and get out. You'd promise you'd pick him up. Something. Anything.

But you’d never get the chance. 

The officer tailing grabbed you around your middle and lifted you up like a bratty child hauling a cat around. “Put me down!” You shrieked and began to slam your fists on his arms.

"You're under arrest for disrupting justice, harboring a criminal, and assaulting an officer," his robotic words fell on deaf ears as you continued to fight for your life. Cornered animals bit and he was finding that out the hard way as you twisted to claw at his face.

But he easily overpowered you, shoving you into the backseat of his police cruiser and slamming the door. Tears began to fall down your face as you began to panic. Michael wouldn't know they were coming. They surely knew to check your house. They'd catch him there and then what? Would they kill him? Shoot to kill, like you remembered hearing on the radio all those months ago?

You felt like throwing up. All you could do was curl up on the leather seats and sob your heart out.

All you could do was hope he'd be okay.

Dr. Samuel Loomis considered himself a brilliant man.

He was assigned to Michael Myers' case when the young boy had first been admitted to Smith's Grove when he'd just been a young, non-speaking child. His mother had brought him in, her eyes red rimmed and pleading to help her son.

And Dr. Loomis always loved a challenge case. Every 'difficult' patient he ever had while working in this institution had eventually cracked under his methods. So he studied Michael, subjecting him to various medications, talk therapy, and tried everything to trigger any kind of response out of him. At first, Michael seemed to truly want to be helped. His mother visited every week and talked with him about home, about his life after the institution.

Michael took well to art therapy, much to Loomis' frustrations - he had strongly advised against giving the young boy access to making masks - and he started to make progress in sorting through what happened to him.

Then his parents died. It was like everything in Michael shut down after that. Walls were built up high and became impenetrable the longer Dr Loomis poked and prodded for a reaction. 

Years went by and no more progress was made. It was like talking to a brick wall. A brick wall with eyes like the devil, as far as Loomis was concerned. There was no way a child could commit such atrocities without an ounce of guilt, no confession of sin. He'd advocated strongly against Michael being released on parole, insisting he was soulless and dangerous.

So Halloween came and Michael escaped, killing teenagers and reenacting the horrors he'd committed to his sister fifteen years ago. And now he had escaped yet again. This time was different though - Michael had gone missing for several months now. Too long had passed without any new murders and Loomis was becoming anxious and impatient. Police had let the case go, grateful at the idea Michael moved on to terrorize a new town.

But Dr. Loomis knew Michael Myers all too well.

He stood in his dimly lit office, watching a police car drive up through the large open window. Watching you get unloaded from the car and observing the way you fought so viciously, Loomis felt like he hit the jackpot. It was no wonder Michael was so obsessed with you. There was a darkness to you that had yet to grow anywhere. Surely he was just biding his time, playing house with you while he waited for you to snap and join him in his killing sprees.

He couldn't have that though. Michael had to be returned to Smith's Grove before he caused any more devastation.

“Doctor?” Officer Kallas’s voice broke the psychologist from his stupor.

“Come in.” He turned, looking over his shoulder and smiling when he lay eyes on you.

There you were. In handcuffs with tear tracks on your face. Your lip was split from where you'd nicked it while trying to bite Officer Kallas. “We apprehended him like you asked. We’ll head to the house to retrieve-”

“Don’t,” Loomis held up his hand to still the room. “No. We’ve got all we need right here.” He approached you slowly, like you were something to behold. You felt slimy under his fascinated stare. “Michael will come looking for him. Then we’ll catch him. We can’t give him any home-turf advantages.”

Officer Kallas nodded and shoved you forward into the room before closing the door behind him. You felt like a muzzled dog, glaring down the doctor with such hate that it reminded him of Michael.

Dr Loomis took a seat at his desk. “Tell me,” he hummed, “What was it like being held captive by Michael?” You looked at him, brow furrowed. Held captive? Was that the narrative they were running with? He seemed to misinterpret your confusion and gave you a sympathetic smile. “I know you were held by him for quite some time. Your friend Chrissy told her father about it. You were seen-”

“I wasn't a prisoner.” You spat, almost offended.

“So you were simply afraid.” The doctor clicked his pen, beginning to write something down. His scribbling felt grating on your nerves and you felt the urge to strangle the man, cuffs be damned.

But you just glared at him instead. “What is this, an interrogation?”

Dr. Loomis lifted his head and you could see the arrogance in his eyes. “I’ve studied Michael for sixteen years,” he said slowly, “And I’ve never seen him so fascinated by another human being.”

“Maybe you’re just shitty at your job.” You scoffed.

If you weren't already glaring daggers, you would have missed the disapproving look Loomis gave you. "In good time, my theory will be proven." He gave you a smile and gestured to one of the chairs sat in front of his desk. "Michael will come for you. And when he does, I will finally rid the world of that potent evil." He said with a menacing, teeth-filled smile.

You wish you’d stayed home.

[thgfanfictionlibrary]

Active Authors Masterlist (3)

Part 1 / Part 2 /

***Active (on this blog) is defined as a blog/writer who has updated within the past year. Inactive (on this blog) is defined as a blog/writer that has not been updated at all in the past year+. On THG Writing Hiatus (on this blog) is a blog/writer who has updated within the past year but has not posted a fanfic in the fandom in the past year BUT they may return to writing in the future. Lists will be updated as needed based on activity. ***

Created: November 17th, 2023

Last Checked:----

ipsygrace :: ao3, ao3, tumblr

Popular Fic: Peeta's Games: The Hunger Games from Peeta's point of view. This follows the original work as closely as possible and much of the dialogue is taken from the original and owned entirely by Suzanne Collins. (@igsy-blog)

JHsgf82 :: ao3, tumblr

Popular Fic: What's Mine Is Yours: Peeta's POV. Post-Mockingjay/Pre-Epilogue. A pregnant Katniss is feeling sick and scared. Peeta does his best to care for her while dealing with his own fears. Response to the Fluff Drabble Prompt: “This was my lap. Now apparently this is your lap.” (@jhsgf82)

JLaLa :: ao3, ffnet, tumblr

Popular Fic: Two Wrongs: “Katniss, you’re my best friend and I love you but seriously-marry you?” A marriage for the unmarriageable. Modern Day AU, set in San Francisco. (@jlalafics)

katnissdoesnotfollowback :: ao3, ff.net, tumblr

Popular Fic: Wrapped in Red: Katniss is trying to be a good friend to her recently divorced pal. She really is. But this holiday season, fate, her own feelings, and Peeta’s daughter have other plans. An advent style Everlark story. (@katnissdoesnotfollowback)

katnissmellarkkk AKA VanillaCottonCandy  :: ao3, tumblr

Popular Fic: Gravity: But he just stares at me for a long moment, his smile never wavering, then admits simply, "I'm just so happy that I threw you that bread." I feel my chest constrict, both moved by his words and exhausted from even standing inside this place again. And my eyes overflow then and all I can manage to say is, "so am I." / Katniss and Peeta, growing back together through a series of snapshots. Set Post Mockingjay. (@katnissmellarkkk)

LemonLuvGirl :: ao3, ffnet, tumblr

Popular Fic: Both of Us: An alternate ending to Catching Fire in which both Peeta and Katniss are rescued from the arena during the Quarter Quell. Our lips collide with gentle urgency, two half conscious minds struggling in the murky waters between sleeping and waking, layered with a need for comfort and something more. We kiss until he pulls back, panting, angling his hips away from mine. I know what he’s trying to avoid. He doesn’t want to scare me. But the thought of his body reacting to me isn’t nearly as scary as the idea that we almost never got to have this. (@lemonluvgirl)

LilyMaid :: ao3, tumblr, ff.net

Popular Fic: The Awkward In-between: Days after winning the 74th Hunger Games Katniss recognized her life was changing, not just her home. She was already mourning for that old life, when things were difficult, yet so simple. With a tightening in her chest and a fear she didn't understand, she wondered what would be left. Cannon Divergent AU- pre Catching Fire (@wistfulweaverwoman)

loungemermaid :: ao3, tumblr

Popular Fic: no grave could hold my body down (I'll crawl home to her): Finnick makes his way back to Annie, alive but in several pieces. He loses his right arm and leg to the lizard mutts in the sewer. While Thirteen can patch him up, he's going to have to go back, back to the Capitol, if he's ever going to get better. As it turns out, Peeta has to go too, has to try and pull his fractured brain back together. They help each other keep it together. Finnick is there to help when Peeta can't remember what's real and what's fake, and Peeta helps Finnick cope with limb loss (@loungemermaid)

MegaAuLover :: ao3, ffnet, tumblr

Popular Fic: Katniss Everdeen Is Not A Stalker: Canon AU- Katniss as a little problem, she can't stop looking through Peeta's window, trying to find a way to pay her boy with the bread back but as time goes on she realizes she wants more. But there is a problem the District is flooded with Peacekeepers and everyone faces danger as the Capitol tightens its reigns on the district. Can love bloom in the middle of adversity? Or will it shrivel in the face of surmounting danger? (@mega-aulover)

melissaeverdeen13 :: ao3, ff.net, tumblr

Popular Fic: give you my wild: a look into katniss and peeta's life as they grow back together after the war; their experiences with friendship, love, and parenthood. (@jenniferiawrence)

[being-addie]

What April 2023 was like + May 2023 goals

What I learned in April 2023:

I suck at time management and I really need to do better lol.

What I accomplished in April 2023:

Survived my finals, and finally solidified a friend group :)

What surprised me in April 2023:

That letting of go of people isn't that big of a deal. After I distanced myself from some really toxic people in my class, I found a new group of friends who I genuinely like to be around, and they're all smart and hardworking, and I didn't expect that this would be coming honestly. Its great.

The day I remember best in April 2023:

My math exam. I completely flunked it and felt really bad that day. I think it really pushed me to take things more seriously.

The person that played a huge role in my life in April 2023:

My mom: Constantly motivating me, and talking to me about the world. We're so open and I love that she can listen to me and have a discussion without being judgemental.

My best and worst moments of April 2023:

Best moment: the day I FINALLY managed to go out with my friends to the mall to go shopping and get boba. After being cooped up inside the house for so long it was very refreshing.

Worst moment: completely botched my math final. I kept putting off studies saying I'd do it later, and it came back to bite me in the ass.

What I wish I had done differently in April 2023:

Planned my time a little better around studying. for my next semester, I'm starting all my assigned reading in May (during the holidays), and I'm looking into getting a tutor for math.

What I stopped doing in April 2023:

I really cut down my junk food intake which I'm really happy about, plus I've stopped staying up till 2-3 AM. It's been a while since I got a total of 8 hours of sleep, and it felt so good.

What I started doing in April 2023:

I've surprisingly started drinking more water, and restarted the gym again, in the last week.

Goals I’d like to achieve for May 2023:

More practice, practice, practice. Since I'm having holidays, I'm planning on going outside more and just sketching and doing crafts and writing stories.

(template ib: @blissfullyecho)

[loveandmurders]

hiii i was soo happy to read an amber freeman fic cuz theres not a lot so thank you, do you think you could write for her again? like pre-ghostface amber and reader fluff?

Hello darling! It's true Amber deserves more love, so I hope you'll enjoy this <3

LIFE USED TO BE SO SOFT (Amber Freeman x gender neutral reader)

Warnings: no proof reading, fluff.

It was Halloween, and you were really excited about it. Your girlfriend, Amber, too. And you both couldn’t wait for tonight fun.

You had planned quite a lot of stuff to do together, like each year, because it was your favourite holiday to both of you. First you had spotted a party near your house which was happening in a so-called “haunted house”. You thought it could be very fun to spend some time there, and you hoped for good music and some drinks. 

Then, when you would both be tired of this, you planned a little walk hand in hand, especially into the cemetery of the town. You knew you wouldn’t be the only one there, but it was alright, you could always hide in the darkness and make out until you would be on your own once again. You would try very hard to not get too heated on anyone’s tomb, because it wouldn’t be very respectful… But sometimes love and desire were making you do crazy stuff, and it wouldn’t be your fault, right? 

And finally, to finish off the night, you were going to watch movies together, in bed, with your favourite snacks and soda, all cuddled up against each other. Of course, the first movie you were going to watch was Stab, because Amber was absolutely obsessed with it, and especially of Billy Loomis and Stuart Matcher. You often teased her about it, but you didn’t mind. You were yourself completely obsessed with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, so you couldn’t really say anything about it.

Amber had pleaded with you so you could both dress up as Ghostface, and hence incarnate Billy and Stu. After a lot of kisses and sweet words, she convinced you to let go of your idea to dress as Tiffany Valentine/Charles Lee Ray to put on the robe and mask of Ghostface. You had never seen her that excited before and it totally made your heart melt with happiness and cuteness. Amber could be so adorable when she was like that, like a puppy.

At least, you wouldn’t need to care about any kind of makeup or hairstyles or anything. You just put sport clothes underneath, to be able to run and freely move around, and to not get too cold either. You didn’t really know where Amber found those costumes but you didn’t really care. The mask was surprisingly comfortable, and you could see and breathe without troubles. Even better, you could move around without fearing to lose the mask. You were a little bit surprised when Amber showed you how to switch the voice changer. It felt like it was a real Ghostface costume. You asked her how much she paid for those, but she chuckled.

“A killer needs to keep their secret” she replied with a little wink and you playfully rolled your eyes at her antics.

“I’m gonna start to be afraid of you, if you keep talking that way” you teased back and she wrapped her arms around your waist, softly nuzzling her nose against yours, her eyes shining with love for you.

“Nah, you know I love you too much to hurt you” she whispered and it sounded a lot like a promise.

“I love you too, always and forever” you replied which made her brightly smile at you.

You loved how passionate she was. She was so fierce too. And you found this so attractive. Actually, you met at the cinema during a horror movie projection. You were sitting next to each other and you quickly realised you were both having the same reaction, and rooting for the slasher on screen. You invited her to have a drink at the end of the movie and she happily agreed. You got along so well, and then everything between the two of you happened so naturally. You were made for each other and you were both certain of this. She was a very caring girlfriend to you.

You played around with the voice changer and you had to admit it was really fun! No one could guess it was the two of you that way. And you did feel like you were truly one of the characters of Stab.

Amber also gave you a knife to finish the costumes off. They were real knives and it worried you. You didn’t want to walk around with a weapon in your hands. You knew that the cops were always on edge with Halloween and you didn’t want to hurt someone or yourself by accident. She tried to tell you it was alright, but you refused and bought retractable knives for the two of you. Amber seemed very disappointed but she finally agreed. 

You truly hoped she took the knife you got her, and not the real one. You noticed that sometimes she seemed to not make the difference between reality and fiction. Sometimes, she was so engrossed with her Stab’s obsession, that she didn’t seem to realise that real people died. It was a little bit scary, but you still loved her with everything you had.

As usual, Halloween evening went by so fast. You screamed, you laughed, you danced, you kissed your girlfriend in dark corners, you scared people off, and you playfully threatened others for candies.

Under the full moon, you walked in the darkest streets you could find, so you could be on your own with Amber. You heard in the distance some excited screams and loud music. You really loved this atmosphere. 

Amber never let go of your hand. Not because she was afraid - it seemed like nothing could scare her - but because she wanted to make sure you were truly there, with her. Sometimes, she thought you were too good to be real. But you didn’t know about such thoughts.

You finally removed the mask, so you could enjoy the fresh air on your face. She looked up at you and you smiled down at her. You were so happy to have her in your life. Things seemed so perfect and you hoped that nothing would ever happen to the two of you. You wished to never wake up from this beautiful dream.

“Enjoyed yourself, baby?” you asked “Ready to go watch some movie together now? My feet start to hurt” you added. You just wanted to go back home now. She turned on the voice changer of the mask she was still wearing.

“It’s all a movie. Life’s one great big movie.” she hummed and you playfully rolled your eyes at her, like you often did.

“Only you can’t pick the genre” you ended the quote and she happily squealed next to you. She squeezed your hand.

“You remember it so well!” she praised and you laughed.

“I don’t know how many times you made me watch that movie, but it’s certain that I know all the lines by heart now. Hope you are proud of you” you teased as you wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She snuggled against your side and let her head fall on your shoulder as she trusted you to bring her back home.

“I love you” she hummed as she removed the mask

“I love you too” you kissed her cheek and she hugged your side even more closely. 

She stayed quiet after that. You were never too sure what she was thinking then, but you weren’t too worried. Your girlfriend was a good person, just a little bit obsessed that was it. Even though you sometimes wondered when she said stuff like “Billy and Stu must have had so much fun. I mean the real ones. They understood everything so well.”

But you loved her too much to believe she could kill anyone. Especially not you.

[candy8448]

GCSE ADVISE FOR CLASS OF 2025/current year 10s

This is a copy and paste from a group chat i have with some yr 10 friends so if there are teacher names from my school, ignore them

Website, resources and youtube channel names will be highlighted in orange

More subject specific advise on my GCSE rambles masterlist

------

1. you should seriously start revising from now

At the start of the year i didnt care about revision so i didnt do anything till our first mocks rolled around and then tried to cram an entire year and few months of content for every subject in 2 weeks and i didnt get it in time. And during the easter holidays i spent so much time revising to catch up before gcses that i fell into a depressive episode so start revising slowly from now and over the summer holiday to save your emotions later

2. Rest is gonna be more important than revision at times

Especially towards the lead up to your real gcses if you need a break, savrifice revision for having a break or sleep it will do you better, but make sure you have/will do enough revision in time

3. Your first mocks will be this year's gcse papers but don't cheat and look up the questions, especially for english because that will do you no good because the mocks are meant to help you practice analysis on the spot in total exam conditions

4. Do practice papers, especially for science and maths this will help you the most. Do it in english as well if you are not so good at analysis or essay writing. If ur bad at essay writingf, practice writing and give it to the teachers, if youre bad at on the spot analysis, then juust bring up a bunch of practice quuestions and just play your essay. Dont write the essay, just keep planning a bunch so you develop that skill better

5. Gcses really aren't too bad. Sure they are a bit stressful when you are doing the exams that you need for a levels, but they are still not as bad as people might say. Also dont let your mocks make you worry. My mocks were a TON harder than the real thing. Dunno if that is cuuz i got better or what but dont fret about what you got in your mocks and just use it to know what to revise next

6. I dont know what order hiistory is going to be taught in, but ask mr millen or mr crozier what unit you are going to study last and during your breaks, try to study that unit yourself. We didnt have time to cover elizabeth and only covered one enquiry of content out of three so i had to spend the entire weekend teaching myself the unit from scratch so maybe try studying that unit yourself throughout the year so you dont run out of time and have to cram a ton of new content in 2 days

@Cognito is a great channel for science revision. Ive used the "entire [bio/chem/phys] paper [1/2] in 30 mins" videos so much for revision. Its efficient and labels triple and combined topics so you know which bits to ignore and such. They also have other exam boards and not just aqa

@freesciencelessons ive heard is really good but ii hardly used it, but its good for going into detail for certain topics

Also for science, make revision cards during or closely after your science lesson to save yourself time. Makig the revision cards took so much time and took away time fron actually revising from them so if you make them during school hours then you have time to revise from them.

Also getting a bunch of questions or opening a textbook and makig questions up about it to ask your friends helps both of you revise really well, especially as last minute reviisiion.

Questions like "what iis the name of the instrumental method for the flame test" (that is paper 2 so you wouldnt have pearned iit yet but questions like that)

Litcharts is the best for english revision, it has detailed notes for every single english text you would have ever done and the poems. Its also layed out in a really good way, especially best on desktop.

You dont need to pay the subscription because the things it gives for free are more than enough. I mainly used this website for the poems

@Mr salles has good videos for english. I used this channel a lot because he gives very nuanced ideas that work so well as well as advise that helps a lot with general essay writing and such.

Ive also heard tgat @everythingenglish and @mrbruff are super good. Ive used mrbruff for last minute poetry revision the day before our lit paper 2 because he has really good analysis of each poem in five minutes which i used for all the poems i was not confident in at all

Also for english, learn how the mark scheme works. If you know exactly what the examiners want, that is basically half of your marks.

One key advise i try to remember is to analyse the form and structure of the text or poems. That will get you many more marks and very quickly push you to the top bands withiut being too dificult. Just talk about the way the paragraohs are done, or ciclical structure

MME, This website is very good for maths revision. I despise maths and do worst in maths so this helped me learn entire topics in a few minutes when i couldnt in a few weeks of lessons.

What i did was go through all of my old books since yr 8 or yr 9 and just write down a list of every topic i wasnt 100% confident in. And then went through one by one and learned them again, and made revision cards on them

Also for revisioncards to save time, i litterally just tore out some bits from my maths book tgat had the information layed out well.

Also dont fret if there are one or two topics you just cannot understand. If you cannot do completing the square for the life of you, then just screw it, at most it will be 5 marks on one of the papers. Dont do this for too many subjects but if tgere are one or two you just cannot do, thhen ignore it.

Also if you are aiming for a grade 6, all you need to do is get 100% on the first 13 questions on each of the 3 papers. That will get you ceazy close to grade 6, and then complete the rest of the paper and you've probably gotten it

I HATE CGP's books, they judt never work for me cuz i hate how they are layed out buut for hostory it is tge one textbook that actually worrks from them. Ive found this text book so helpful, more than youtube videos. Mr millen gave all of our yeargroup one of these for free but i dont know if he will for your year. Ask him, but dont buy it if you find out he is just gonna give you one

I think that's about it. I dont have anything for frnech because i honestly just winged it and did no revision, but you should probably practice it for good measure

There is a perfect amount of stress where you will work the best. Too little stress and you wont do as well, too much stress and you wont work as well. First mocks i was fretting, but second mocks i went into each exam calmly and did much better, and same with the real thing.

I did slack off on the last history exam and physics exam because those were my last two exams, but i wish i did work a bit more on those instead of just give up

You will never feel more comradery with the entire country of year 11s than you will when you finally sit those real exams

Good luck next year!

[fantomette22]

heyyyy! Tell us about your version of the cainhurst king. maybe even how things go between him and annalise! I hope you don't mind me asking

Anon are you kidding? I am super happy you asked, thank you!

It's true I tried to avoid talking about him to not spoil my fic project but I slip every time so screw it, let's go (Plus it's not like Annalise is going to become Queen and him King in the fic I am currently writing so better talk about them now because it's uncertain if I will manage to ever write about it 🙄)

Also, omg are you asking this because of my shitpost drawing? Oops XD this is really the dumbest thing…

Ok so I inspired myself a lot from the version my good friend created X and X. I really like it so I create a similar yet quite different version. (I mean they just look the same and have a few characteristics in common but that's it really)

So yeah, I think this guy right here is the king during Annalise's reign.

I named him Charles. It was supposed to be a place holder name at first, when I was doing some story planning but I stick with it XD Typical old French name many kings had that's why I called him like this. + for the older design I used the dear cut content (because yes, we probably should have fight him instead of Logarius at first.

So for this ask I drew some designs! : (As a Byrgenwerth student and as king, younger and older)

In my story I also have Annalise's father, the precedent king consort appearing. I draw him as well for the occasion.

(ok he might look a bit older and tired compared to the chap5 of my fic so let's say it's a flash forwards of a few years later, a few months before he died of cancer. I'm sorry that sound really bad 😭 poor Richard…)

Ok so Charles, he's from a smaller noble family (the one from where the executioners gloves came from) they doesn't live at Cainhurst since a few years but he passed a few years from his childhood here. As such he's a childhood friend of Maria, Annalise and all the lil squad of Cainhurst OCs. Maria & him are closer in age (he's 1 year older than her and 2 years younger than Annalise) so they passed a lot of time together and were both really turbulent and unhinged children XD like you can see here. All the things TO NOT do, you can be sure they tried it out 🤣

Then well he went to live a bit far with his family and only went to Cainhurst to important event/ meetings/holidays etc…

Years later he become a student at Byrgenwerth and check notes began a cursus in history or smt? Antic history of the pthumerians civilization and afterwards or something like this. Maria joined Byrgenwerth one year later too! Some other events happened and it allow him to reconnect with Cainhurst a lot.

Ok so when I say he's a lil bastard it's affectionally and for real too <3 he's really similar yet different from Laurence for exemple idk how to explain. You know the popular type of guy who don't listen well in class and party a lot but still pass all his classes… (besides tell him to shut it in class Laurence can say much he was the same XD ok maybe Charles is more of a clown class and had more friends but still).

But even if he can stand the mean noble girls (&boys) contrary to Maria, he still passed times with her when he could and even hang out with the Byrgenwerth squad as well.

Also my friend think he might got a scare on the forehead (see painting) and I agree with this that's why he got one. How he got it you ask? Oh well… cough cough the infamous prom night! Not telling too much for now. Can't wait to write about it

So, in parallel concerning Cainhurst: It wasn't doing great and was loosing lots of influence sand after some tragic events happened "the knight cough & beast story cough cough" he speaks with the king, Annalise, lots of people besides Maria and began slowly to have a new objective in mind. + when Maria takes distance from Cainhurst so he actually grow closer to them at her place (well they were kinda missing a few royal guards so like they took what they could)

He could do a few things in battle but clearly didn't have the lvl of a royal guard or a strong warrior so he needed to learn and that wasn't always easy.

Flash forwards a few years later after he graduated but still hanged out at Byrgenwerth. Guess what the bastard did? ^^

Yeah, he's the scholar who stole the forbidden blood.

So yeah, THIS GUY! Damn. Well, it's actually kind of complicated because Byrgenwerth should have make a report to Cainhurst/ give it to them but they didn't so… Still Maria wanted to kick his ass XD (seriously he used her to know where it was and he leaved with everyone from Cainhurst except her. I mean he couldn't tell her but she almost got in big troubles) 

"No Maria you can't go to his face and insult him in front of everyone…"

"Why not?" "… ok so he might actually become our next king consort and I hate it." "WHAT?!" (she still scolds him XD)

Yeah, when they asked him what he wanted for his service besides being a full-time resident at Cainhurst bro said, "Your hand my Queen" "bud that's not gonna work-" "Ok sure" O_O

Turn out, he planned the whole thing (stealing the blood) with Annalise 🤣

Yeah they did grow closer this past few years and everyone is on Annalise back to get a consort so…. (Also of course he's a simp. Who isn't at Cainhurst lol. He's not jealous btw because he know he will always be simp n°1 XD). So yeah somehow that's a big ship I have and I NEED CONTENT 😭 (Fantomette do it yourself! there is literally only 2-3 people to want that! You don't understand I just wanna read fics made by someone else on them! I can't write that!!)

But well, many nobles aren't that impressed so they ask him to do other stuff before. Like going into the chalice dungeons and recover some stuff. Funniest shit ever when he argues with Vledemyr all the time, or even Logarius and Gehrman just want to take all their heads and bonk them together XD yeah funny times.

 Also most of all the statues at Cainhurst are because of him and he managed to bring back the crown of Illusions in the end! He almost died too but shhh (Annalise still scold him for it. The crown was lost in there since quite sometimes so Cainhurst only had one and it lost its power. + maybe a ring 🤔).

In the meantime, well Annalise absorb the forbidden blood and kinda become "immortal" (I headcanon that it prolongs the life a lot, you don't age normally etc and you heal if you get hurt. Explain how she can cut her arms and have no marks after a few minutes. The bigger the injuries the longer it takes to regenerate. Like if she were to "die" her body wouldn't get cold but stayed warms and she would wake up after a few hours/days or more etc what we used in the game really make it go faster).

Then he finally marries Annalise and become King!  And the Vilebloods are formed wow and they try to make Cainhurst great again etc. 

But yeah, it's not over. There is one small problem that happen a few years after… (besides the beast scourge of Yharnam and the church + Byrgenwerth being less or more ok with their practices). Annalise have a lot of difficulty to have a child (not that it's super urgent but it's still a problem).

You can be sure they both tried their best but it doesn't work. Either it's hard for her to get pregnant and when she does she have miscarriage after miscarriage. Most of the time it happened in the first couple of months but one time it happened almost at term or around 6-7 months perhaps? That was so bad that if Annalise wasn't "undead/immortal" she would have died. That was really a bad time for everyone. Even poor Maria was left a bit traumatized by the experience… (yes she came to help of course and that was before the hamlet I think) And Charles really was at the lowest in his life (not the only one too) he blamed himself because he thought that those problems could have been link with the forbidden blood (yes but not really).

So, in the end they managed to find something about an old ritual the pthumerians used, to get "powerful and special children" the child of blood. And with the discovery of the blood dregs, they become to participate even more intensely to the hunt…. and because of this and other events they ended up becoming the enemy of the church…

When the executioners went to kill the Vilebloods, Charles fight till his last breath to protect his Queen, Annalise, his future not born yet child of blood and his subjects. He killed lots of the executioners but they were too many and Logarius was there and stronger than before…

----

Ok that's it for the over whole story. Now, he's kind of egoist with lot of pride and "I am better than everyone" type of guy but he still have moment where he showed real concerned for people he cared about + he grow wiser with age. Still, he wouldn't have problem to kill/ execute someone who's accuse of crimes against Cainhurst. He would do that without a second thought. Unlike someone else cough cough. 

And yeah when Maria was a teenager and wasn't feeling well at all she passed a summer with him and his family and he did helped her feel better, likewise with some bad stuff that happened at Cainhurst during her Byrgenwerth years. He was there to support Annalise during harsh times and when she became Queen too. And was the emotional pillar and protector to her after he became her husband and king. Even if they encourage each other to grow worst and go on a really dark path… 

He tried to not show a too much "soft side" to anyone (except a few persons person like his dear Queen). He did crack emotionally a couple of time and even if he really tried to hide it, Annalise generally end up knowing and recomfort him. They are each other biggest support after all.

But hey he did become good friends with Vledemyr! (Anna & Maria cousin, royal guard etc) when at first it was really complicated XD And his relationship with lil Voron (bloody crow when he was a baby/child) is really cute too <3

Ok last thing I headcanon that Logarius sword his originally the Charles wield.

So I think it's good for now. Hope that answers the question 😅

[hideyseek]

✅🧠 for the emoji asks please! (haiji and/or kakeru for the brain? :3c)

craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab thank you!! MWAH i'll answer for both of them hehehehehe :3 omg this got so long i am putting it under a cut ahahah

from these fanfic writer emoji asks

✅ What’s something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don’t mean to?

phone calls omg its 100% phone calls. (this tone is bc i went: uhhh i don't know?? for like four sentences and then realized i'm obsessed with cell phones in fic and felt a great surge of relief.) i loooooooooove the intimacy of not being able to see the person you're talking to on the phone but having their voice even closer to you than their voice would be in-person. i love the confessional, time-delay nature of voicemails!

i don't know if this is really like ... a thing that appears over and over but i know it appears ... more than once? i do wish i had the kind of relationship to the content of my writing that meant i could identify these kinds of parallels but also i suspect i would drive myself up a wall going 'wait this fic is the same fic as the last fic you wrote hidey you gotta make it different somehow?' (which: no this is not actually required, but i personally would feel like it was) so maybe it's better that i'm not. i do wish i had a sense of like, my core aesthetics or writerly interests or whatever though!

🧠 Pick a character, and I’ll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

CRAB ILY. I ROTATE THESE GUYS IN MY HEAD SO MUCH EVERYDAY.

haiji - my favorite favorite headcanon about haiji is he is failing all of his university classes. to me he majored in literature bc he enjoys it or is compelled by the power of language or something. but like, he starts skipping a few lectures because he spent the morning putting together the training plan for the week or making breakfast and there's no point in going if he hasn't done the reading, and then he never manages to do the reading and it spirals from there. in my mind, he just ... stops going to classes at some point during the training season for the ekiden, and just never started up again until he blinks and it's the end of the winter holiday and he's completely screwed. my second favorite headcanon is that he has a super fucked up complicated relationship with sex and slept with a lot of his upperclassmen his first few years of college.

kakeru - hmm i don't know if i have a favorite one for kakeru but i really really like the idea that after canon, for all three of the other times he runs in the Hakone ekiden he always runs Section 10. and that after college when he's an established professional runner he volunteers with the organizers of the Hakone ekiden as a broadcaster or one of the guys that jogs along and hands out water or stands at the finish line and lets go of the ribbon at exactly the right time when the runner comes through.

ok also as a bonus i actually DO have so many headcanons about fujioka bc i keep making him be important in my fanfictions. and my favorite one i've made up (which is so consistent across the fics it's basically canon to me lol) is that he's raised by a single mom. this is because i need haiji's dad to have been a critical father figure to fujioka in high school, so that haiji and fujioka's friendship can be affected by that. ahahahahaha :3

[sergeantsporks]

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

💖 What made you start writing?

💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

💲 Would you ever open commissions?

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

📈 How many fics do you have?

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

💞 Who's your comfort character?

I really love 7PM-9PM, because I tend to be really productive during that time

I started original writing when I was 12 because I just really loved reading and wanted to write something of my own. And also because I was sick and tired of the "girl character and guy character who hate each other and are always fighting get together at the end" trope and wanted to write something where the girl chose someone who she didn't constantly fight with. Fanfic, though, I started writing because I read a fanfic and was like "oh, wait, I can WRITE those self insert scenarios in my brain 'n let people see them! I didn't think we could do that!"

[Holds your shoulders sosososososo tightly] I love comments and feedback. They sustain me. Give them to me.

Hrmmmmmmmmmmmm, childhood friends to lovers doesn't really do it for me. I don't mind seeing it, I think it can be cute, I just don't think it's something that would worm its way into my writing. Idk, I don't really think of my writing in terms of "tropes" very often, so it's hard to say that there's one I'd NEVER do. Like, I might go "Hrm, the xyz trope" on its own but I wouldn't recognize it as that trope while I'm writing, if that makes sense.

Probably not. Idk enough about the legal yikes of writing fic for money to feel comfortable. That being said, my kofi is open...

YES. I love research. Research is one of my favorite parts. I love incredibly specific internet searches <3 <3 <3

In hits, it's Request, but I don't count that one, so in hits, second most popular is Gilded. By Kudos, its Another Shot at Life

I tend to do Christmas ones because they're fun! Lots of different traditions to pull from! And they can get silly Hallmark family endings. But I think one day I'd like to write a Halloween one, because I really love Halloween.

YES. There's currently an ask sitting in my ask box that's been there since April, and it holds a big old Gilded Plot Point, so I haven't published it. I'll answer it after I get there in Gilded.

[Grabby hands] Gimme gimme gimme please I will hang it up on my fridge and put it in my wallet. I love art of my stories, it makes me explode inside <3

...104 fics. That I can track down across various sites, there might be more.

There is somewhat of an outline in my head, but there's a lot of chunks that are just like "character bonding goes here!" and a lot of stuff gets planned on a chapter by chapter basis. Also depends how long the fic is gonna be. 3 chapters? I probably have the whole thing figured out. Six or more? Ehhhhh

Right now it's just Gilded, and a liiiiiittle bit of the "Hunter gets kidnapped to carve palisman" idea, but nothing really new.

Write it and publish it baybee. You get better by practicing, and in my experience, people will be really really nice! Even the very early stuff I go "EW" at now got comments about something people liked! And even if you don't get any engagement, keep going. You'll get there. You have to do stuff lots and badly before you get good.

Oh, you know it's Hunter Clawthorne Noceda Whispers Huntsman Deamonne. Also Hisirdoux Casperan, but that's on a rewatch basis and no longer so much on a writing basis.

[seelestia]

My dearest author is becoming more and more of a scara stan the nearer we get to his banner :3

ONEOFUSONEOFUSONEOFUSONEOFUSONEOFUS-

anyway-

how've u been liaaa ? :D I'm happy to report that my hell month is nearing it's end and I'm getting closer and closer to just fully embracing the holiday relaxation vibes (I say close as if I haven't just started playing stardew valley and ignoring my projects in intervals of time)

I'm hoping you're getting into the holiday vibes as well, because I have a gift planned for you that I've been thinking of for the past few weeks ;D

I notice that you've seen the best piece of literature I have posted previously :''D lmao- writing that took me back to being 13 and reading all the cringey fics on wattpad fr :'D (I won't lie- I debated on adding interruptions in-between paragraphs of the story because authors interrupting the story and adding their own thoughts and reactions was SO evident back in the day, it was super fuckin cringey so I didn't put it in last minute :''D)

enough of me tho- how bout u lia, any plans or events you gonna do in the holidays? Or are you just gonna vibe into the christmas cheer like me huehuehuehue >:D - Sincerely yours, 👹✨ Jae <33 (here's diluc being a sugar daddy)

jae, stop grinning like that because i can literally feel it through the screen and idk if i like it. (/j)

i've been doing good and in denial because of yk who altho i have an exam a week after next week but at least, it's the holiday as soon as the exam is done 😮‍💨 i hope you're getting thru with your projects! ik procrastination is your thing but in the end, ik you'll always manage to get them done anyway >:)

WAIT A SEC. A GIFT FOR ME?! i'm preparing a gift for you (you'll know hehe) 🤨 but i don't remember doing anything in particular that deserves another gift since the pretty caelin art you made for me which i still cherish till this day <3 whatever it is, i already know i'm gonna love it (even tho you really didn't have to fjekfkke) ;D (/g)

"the best piece of literature known to mankind" prompted by that anon's vague yet 'wise' words 👏 (/s) NO BUT FR. i think they're using their fanfics as a way to project their thoughts which makes everything so unserious (that was probably what ruined first person fics for me tbh) <//3 i personally got introduced to fanfics thru quotev, so my condolences to those who started with wattpad because that site is an interesting box of even more interesting content 😭

as for my plans during the holiday, i think my family is planning a vacay somewhere next month! but other than that, i'll probably take the time to just chill and hope next year will be better (please) 🙏 but finally, december is somewhat within reach! it'll be time for us to chill and vibe, jae ✨ i just read your "huehuehue" in a deep santa voice and i scared myself HELP

[astrojaxsaga]

A lot has been happening in the past few months! All good things. Unfortunately not weight loss-related, but that's secondary to life TBF.

I recently (like ~1.5 weeks ago) got back from a workshop/conference in Tenerife, which is an island in the Canary Islands in Spain (essentially the closest I have ever been to Africa). This is my final trip this year, and I am so excited to just stay home and relax and focus on myself for the holidays. I do not need any more added pressure.

The workshop was amazing, the food: divine & cheap, and the experience unforgetable. One aspect of the trip was a day tour of the island where we stopped for lunch in Garanchinco (the most beautiful city in Spain™) and toured the Mt Tiede Observatory and did some observations. The rest of the week, the weather was of course not cold for Nov. Probably a low of ~20°C, and one day it was up to 30. It was smart of me to bring both shorts & jeans just in case. I traveled light, I packed efficiently, and I did nothing outside the conference because frankly, I just wanted to be there for the workshop and get back home.

I have done some amazing travel this year, after such a long hiatus during covid. Essentially 3 full years of virtual conferences and no ability to travel, which is like the main perk of being a grad student. Underpaid? Yes, but also compensated with cool experiences. I'm really lucky to have had these trips this year. Probably before the new year, I will have to write a little blurb about the 4 different countries I visited (:

Regardless, my routines have been taking a hit, and it felt like I couldn't start up a schedule to work out without it getting impeded by my travel plans. This year has been busy (and rewarding!). But I am finally taking care of myself.

Mainly, I have been investing in figuring out my ADHD (recently diagnosed, as an adult) and trying to avoid binge eating. I haven't been working out consistently until I could invest time into managing all other aspects of my life, now that I don't need to travel. Right now, I have been starting up some trial medications and tracking my progress at work/home. So far, it is night and day. I am feeling so much better, so much less stressed and I'm able to stay in the present so much better. I feel like, happier? More grateful for things? Less anxious? (Obvs more productive?) My thoughts aren't swarming me all the time with all the things I have to get done and on what timeframe and what else could I be forgetting and who do I need to consider and how am I going to get it all done and....it gets intense. I am feeling so much less overwhelmed. I feel like I keep saying to myself, "Is this what it's like to be normal all the time??"

There is a part of me that is sad that I went so long without knowing I had ADHD, because everything was so much harder for me and I thought it was my fault. But I know I'm not lazy. I know I'm not stupid. I just struggled for so long. Watching people pass by me (academically) when I know I work harder than them. I know now that I CAN do a PhD, my work is worthwhile, and I am constantly becoming a better version of myself. Most of this was me and me alone, but with a little recognition of my struggles and some additional support for the deficiency, I think I will finally be able to get there.

[what-dat-ritalin-do]

#3

Tuesday, 21st Nov 2023

12:58 PM

A bit of a late start again today. I woke up early and managed to go out for breakfast with my family. At around 8:30 AM my breakfast was as follows: 

Hor Fun noodle soup with shredded chicken

A glass of iced Ipoh White Coffee 

Ondeh-ondeh 

I sort of goofed off for a bit before finally showering and getting dressed for the day. I took my medication about 10 minutes ago so it should have started to take effect by the time I’m writing this entry. 

It has been about 12 days since I last took medication. Partially because of the holiday period, and also because of some other reasons. I think I was a bit hesitant to take it after the last two times because of the jarring reactions. For one thing, the experiences themselves were jarring enough– one moment I’m in complete control of my body (noticeably more than I usually am), and the next I lose all control of it to the point where I can’t even lift my body out of its stationary position. Then there’s comparing the experiences together. In attempt #1 I was fluctuating between flurry and clear states, in attempt #2 I blacked out entirely before being awarded one hour of uninterrupted lucidity. 

I kept on trying to accommodate these reactions and it became a big obstacle. It became a big 4-hour block I was trying to fit into my already erratic schedule. I couldn’t even fit 1-2 hour errands (accounting for the amount of time it takes for me to get dressed, travel, and actually run the errands) into my day. Trying to fit in a whole 4-hour block of potentially feeling possessed was just impossible. 

I managed to recollect myself and readjust my perspective: I’m going to see how the medication reacts with my therapy sessions. I had originally planned not to take medication on the days of my sessions, especially after attempt #1 because I was afraid I’d have such a bad reaction, I’d miss them. But this time around, I wondered if I would behave differently if I was medicated. This is how I “convinced myself” to take the medication. 

The last hour of the 4-hour active block seems to be the most stable so I’m going to try (*) to see if it’ll affect my sessions.

4:19 PM 

I’m done with therapy and I’m currently writing from the building’s parking lot so my girlfriend can pick me up (is it relevant to mention I’m gay?). She might come at any moment so my writing may suddenly cut off. 

The effects should be steadily wearing off soon and I’m feeling jittery and dizzy. Perhaps because I talked a lot during my session. I remember speaking at a slightly faster pace today, but I think I tripped over my words a lot too because it felt like my thoughts were moving faster than my mouth was. I haven’t eaten since 8:30AM so maybe I need to eat something. I’ll be running errands with my girlfriend for a bit so I’ll grab something to eat then. 

While I was writing the last paragraph from my first check in of today, I experienced a sudden numbness in my wrist and palm. This occurred at the (*) symbol. This was preceded by an abrupt heaviness in my head. I almost face-planted onto my desk and my body felt limp. It didn’t last very long, maybe less than 5 minutes. When I came to, I felt a stiffness in my hand. I had planned to write more, but I found it hard to hold a pencil. It wasn’t, however, difficult for me to type. I was in the mood to communicate something and I was able to type, so I decided to do something I’ve been meaning to do for a couple of weeks now: Open up a blog and type out all these journal entries so it’s easier for anyone who’s interested to keep up.

My girlfriend is here so I’ll be continuing this entry after being able to walk around and have something to eat. 

6:52 PM

I’m back and my head is still slightly dizzy, but I’m feeling a lot better. I had a small chicken wrap and some iced tea after doing some shopping around a local mall. I got a minimal amount of physical activity and some carbs from the sugar in the sweet tea and the wrap so I have some energy to continue typing this entry. 

Yes, typing. I didn’t have too much trouble writing the previous check-in in my journal, but now that I’m home, for some reason my wrist feels very heavy so this final check-in of the day will be typed. I’m not sure why this is happening. After mentioning it during my session, S suggested it might be because my dosage is too high. I had the same hunch, but we both agreed I shouldn’t change anything until I get to see Dr. J again on the 29th.

I feel the effects, wearing off. My mind is slowing down. 

I remember my thoughts moving very fast when I was in today’s session. I had mentioned in previous sessions (before we even concluded a diagnosis) that my brain felt like a busy central station. I had many “trains of thought” going off at the same time and it was difficult to address them all at the same time. I’d get so overwhelmed that I couldn’t fit all of these differing (sometimes conflicting) “conversations” into my head, I’d get overwhelmed and reach an impasse where I just get catatonic. 

But on medication– particularly in my most lucid hour– it was like being on one singular train track, steadily chugging along at a fast pace. I wasn’t a terminal where many thoughts converged and I had to divide my attention to satisfy all of them. I was just “riding” one state of mind where I was not only dynamic (as opposed to stationary), I was moving in one stable direction. 

The next challenge is being able to point myself in the “right” direction. I have the energy and motivation to move. I want to move and do something, but I can’t seem to do what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to be doing research for my final year thesis (something I’ve been struggling to do for three years and is largely the focus of even why I was looking for a diagnosis), but I just don’t want to. 

I don’t want to do it.

That sentence was so hard for me to say because of how much weight it carried. Money for one thing. It’s not cheap to re-do a thesis, let alone three times. There’s a lot of guilt in it. A lot of baggage. But it was so easy to say it out loud in the therapy room today when I was medicated. 

The weight wasn’t there when I said it. I could just say it out loud– multiple times even. I didn’t feel like I had to “earn” the right to say it. My thinking behind that decision was simple:

I don’t want to do my thesis -> I want to know why -> I’ll tell my therapist about it -> We’ll confront it together and get to the bottom of it.

It seems so logical doesn’t it? It seems so straightforward? So why did it take me three years to be able to do this?

Being on medication is really amazing in a terrible sort of way. 

I had discussed in a previous session with S that I was afraid of feeling like my life was “stolen” from me because I didn’t find out I had ADHD sooner. That if I had gotten medication–or any kind of treatment at all– I might have been more successful. I might have graduated “on time” with good results. I might have had multiple certifications. There was an endless sea of wasted potential and broken possibilities because I couldn’t sit down and focus on one thing at a time. 

Perhaps I’ll go into that in another entry. This one is long enough already. The conclusion we came to in that session is that we can’t change the past, but we can change the future. Now, I have a diagnosis (that I worked very hard to get), medication, and a structured treatment plan. 

In fact we discussed part of the plan today! I’m writing down my “therapy homework” for today so I can have some accountability: 

With CBT, we want to tackle that “I don’t want to do my thesis” thought by challenging the rationales that make it up. For example, currently my brain is like this:

Thought: I don’t want to do my thesis because I will not be able to complete reading and understanding one article in one hour” 

Behaviour: I avoid doing any reading. 

Feelings: I feel guilty I didn’t do any work even though I had time to do it. It makes me lose confidence and feel like I’m incompetent.

In order to change the rationale behind this thought, I have to challenge it.  I’m not terrible at research and I know I genuinely like and enjoy psychology. That’s the whole reason this blog exists! 

So I guess S decided to leverage on that and turn my homework into a little “data collection” activity. I’ll become my own experiment:

Aim: To systematically challenge thoughts that precede maladaptive behaviors

Statement to Disprove (Thought): I am unable to read and understand an article in one hour.

Method: Choose a day, take Ritalin, and read a “doable” article 

Record Findings: - Record thoughts and feelings (perhaps via a mood tracker) throughout the activity. - Be aware I may not get it right the first time. It’s not about “getting it right”, it’s about doing the activity. 

That should be enough for this very loooong entry. I’ll hopefully update tomorrow!

[icare4noone]

Restful

UWMA (drama universe)

Pairing: Win X Team, Team’s POV

Length: Oneshot

Team lets his body fell heavily onto Hia’s soft bed. He almost feels boneless as the fatigue of the sleepless night catching up to him.

“Um,” Team mutters softly as Hia Win gently pushes his body more or less to one side, so that there will be space for the older man to get on.

He closes his heavy eyelids, and makes a weak and feeble attempt to gather the blanket around him. The bed gently dips. The warmth of the blanket comes thankfully next to envelope him, and as well as the arm of the warmed body next to him.

Team sighs softly. His sleepy mind starts drifting off. The sleep he has been chasing for 3 hours is finally coming, but he has mild regret. He doesn’t have enough wakeful consciousness to make his body lean over, so he can savour the warmth his tired and cold skin also desires.

The warmed arm lying across his body tightens as Hia Win pulls him even closer. Team feels warm breath gently touches his face as their foreheads touch. He smiles as his head feels light, and his warm body falls into a satisfied deep sleep.

[hs-is-loml]

No Shame. (c.f)

“Love is fatal. Won't you give it a chance?”

Pairing: Conrad Fisher x Fem!Reader

Summary: returning back to Cousins felt different compared to all the other years. everything around you felt like it was changing but maybe it was for the better.

Warnings: most part is fluff, maybe a lil swears, mention of parents divorce. best friends to lovers…

a/n: i missed you guys so much during my trip <3 thank you for all the love! also your parents’ names are Julia and William because it makes writing easier throughout this :)

word count: 4.38k basically 4.4k...

masterlist

You were ecstatic to return to Cousins and even more excited to see the Fishers and Conklins again. Sure you kept in contact throughout the year for holidays and birthdays but it wasn’t the same. You counted the months down to the trip back. It almost felt like after you left Cousins you were already waiting to come back. 

This year would be different. You had a feeling it would be. Maybe it would be the year Conrad finally noticed you for something more than just the little girl he grew up with. Conrad was always your best friend out of the bunch but you thought that’s all he saw in you. He was probably the only one you really kept in contact with throughout the year with small texts every month and little updates about each other's life. 

You were turning 17 in a few weeks, but in the past year, you felt like you changed a lot yourself. You didn’t know if you finally felt more confident in your own skin or if you found yourself in the past year. You have better style now, finally feel more confident in your body to ditch the one piece, and got your license too.

You missed everyone, of course. It felt like you needed a break from your life. Your parents got divorced since the last time you came to Cousins. It was hard for everyone in the family. You stayed with your mom, Julia, in New York while your dad, William, decided to move back to Toronto. 

You didn’t know if the others knew about the divorce, but you knew it wouldn’t be much of a difference considering your dad only came to the Fourth of July party Susannah throws. You decided not to tell Conrad about the divorce because you already knew the problems between Susannah and Adam, you didn’t want to add more to that pile.

As your mom pulled up to the Fisher’s driveway, you quickly took off your seat belt and waited for the car to come to a full stop before heading out of the car. You guys came a week earlier than you were supposed to, so you guys could surprise them. They thought you were still on a volleyball camp. 

You and your mom quietly made your way into the house where you noticed everyone was sitting in the dining room eating dinner. All their attention was on Laurel who was talking about her book party that’s planned for tomorrow night. You made your way to hug Susannah from behind as your mom went to Laurel. 

“Surprise!” you and your mom shouted from behind gaining the others’ attention.

“Y/n, darling!” Susannah said as she turned in her chair to face you. 

“Hey Susannah,” you smiled letting go of her as she went to stand. 

“Oh, you’re so beautiful, sweetheart,” as she took your face in her hands taking you in.

“Finally, got rid of the glasses and frizzy hair,” you joked.

“No, you’ve always been so pretty but you matured from the last time I saw you,” Susannah complimented.

"Thanks, Susannah," you blushed.

“I miss the glasses and wild hair, Y/n/n,” Conrad smirked getting up from his chair.

“Maybe the glasses but definitely not the rats nest you know?” you giggled going to him to give him a hug. You felt his arms wrap around your waist as yours wrapped around his neck. You both held onto each other but slightly pulled away after Jeremiah coughed.

You turned your head to see a grinning Jeremiah who always somehow knew about your crush on Conrad. You saw his eyes look down for a second before grinning even wider. You were suddenly aware of Conrad’s hands that were still on your hips while yours were on his shoulders.

“Y/n, you gotta give me your skincare routine,” Belly says saving you from more self-embarrassment. 

“Ahh! Belly, you’ve grown so much from last summer!” you said letting go of Conrad to rush Belly into a hug.

“You and William must be shooing guys left and right, Julia,” Laurel joked as she looked at you and Belly catching each other up on their lives.

“With her rejecting any guy that looks at her, she does the work for us,” your mom laughed while shaking her head about the last guy you rejected.

It was the middle of April and the sweetest guy named, Matthew asked you to prom but you decided to go with a group of friends instead. Because going with someone else didn’t really feel right to you, all your life you wanted Conrad Fisher and now wasn’t a time to stop. Your mom was in the kitchen and you were in the living room when you heard a knock. Poor Matthew was waiting on your front porch with balloons, a lavender bouquet, a chocolate heart, and a sign saying “Will you be by my side for the night?” 

Let’s just say it didn’t go the way Matthew wanted. You tried your best to let him down easy, but you felt like you were making it worse. Only your mom knew about his promposal considering you didn’t want them to tease you on why you didn’t give the guy a chance. You told Jeremiah about Matthew since you knew he would understand why. 

That night you and Jeremiah talked for hours. It made you miss being in Cousins even more. Conrad might be your best friend but you and Jeremiah always had a special friendship where you always knew what the other is feeling. You ranted about Conrad to him and he told you how he was sick of people trying to define his sexuality. Both of you knew that you could always talk to the other about anything with no judgment whatsoever. 

“Mom!” your cheeks turned bright red from embarrassment.

“Honey, you got to give a guy a chance someday, you know,” your mom teased.

“Or don’t?” Conrad muttered but you caught what he said. You turned your attention to him and raise your eyebrow at his comment. He looked back at you and smirked. 

“Wait, Julia are you thinking about Matthew?” Jeremiah asked loudly.

You felt yourself get whiplash from snapping your head to Jeremiah's direction to give him a glare. You were trying to signal him to cut it out but it was too late. 

“Who’s Matthew?” Conrad voiced out. 

“Nobody!” you tried your hardest to keep a straight face when you said it out loud. 

“That’s what his name was! Oh, poor boy, I kind of liked him too,” your mom said.

“He was okay,” Jeremiah replied.

“But he was so sweet with the flowers and those chocolates were good,” your mom rambled on. 

“That’s true the lavender and baby's breath mixed was a nice touch,” Jeremiah added. 

“Jeremiah, for the love of god, shut up!” you said while looking for something to throw at him but sadly you remembered there were still people eating dinner. 

“No keep going,” Conrad pushed on with a frown placed on his face. 

“Oh, my bad…” Jeremiah trailed off when he saw the glare you were giving him. 

“Okay, I’m done for the night. I’m going to get my bags and go to my room,” you told your mom while heading out of the dining room. 

“I’ll help,” you hear Conrad from behind you not taking long to catch up to your pace. 

“Oh, you don’t need to.”

“Oh, I want to, trust me.”

“So why didn’t you tell me about Matthew?” Conrad asked while he sat on the edge of your bed while you continued to unpack all of your bags into the drawers. 

“There’s not much to say about him. How’s the beach right now?” you answered trying to avoid this conversation with Conrad. 

“Nope. You’re not getting out of this one. You told Jeremiah, but not me?” 

“Conrad, I don’t get why this matters right now it’s in the past.”

“I’m just wondering why you kept this from me.”

“Because I didn’t think it was that important, and you hate whenever I tell you about guys so I thought you wouldn’t care if I told you or not,” you said trying to set aside a bikini to wear later. 

“Did you like him or something is that why you didn’t want to tell me?” Conrad continued to push on with the topic.

“No, I didn’t, but it shouldn’t even matter anymore since I already rejected the guy,” you sighed. 

“I’m sorry, it just bothers me that you told Jere instead of me. I thought we were closer than that.”

“Con, we are. Jeremiah happened to call me on the night it happened and I explained the whole thing to him. I was going to tell you, but it wasn’t anything important, really,” you explained telling him the half-truth while going up to where he was sitting and giving him a hug.

This would be the only time you’re taller than him with his tall structure. His hands squeezed your waist as you pressed a kiss on his forehead. You always felt so connected to Conrad. Sure you guys had your ups and downs but it was always made up for. 

“You going for a night swim?” he asked quietly looking up at you while you kept your arms around his shoulders and a hand playing with his hair the way you knew he liked. This felt different, it was more intimate than you two have ever been. You liked it.

“Yeah, wanna join?”

“Of course, not gonna let you go out there alone.”

“Well, you got to get out for me to change you know.”

“I don’t mind,” Conrad smirked.

“Well, I happen too.”

“I think I’ll stay,” he said with no shame holding on tighter to your waist and pulling you closer to him.

“Con, get out!” you tried to laugh off the red spreading your cheeks. You took his hands off your waist and pulled him off the bed. You struggled to try to get him out of the room but you finally pushed him out the door. 

“I’ll see you down in 15?” he said over his shoulder as he walked to his room.

Well, that was odd. Conrad’s never joked with you like that before you didn’t know how to feel. It was like he saw you more than the little girl with glasses and frizzy hair. Maybe this would really be the summer for everything.

The house was dark when you were walking downstairs and heading to the back doors. When you walked out you saw Conrad sitting down by the pool dangling his feet in. He turned his head by the creak of the steps when you walked down.

“You ready?” he asked getting up from beside the pool.

“As I’ll ever be,” you replied walking towards him. 

“Everyone else went to bed already,” he said as you two walked down to the beach.

“Am I not enough for you?” you joked with him.

“N-no, I didn’t mean that I was just telling you…” he cut himself off. 

“I missed this,” you said when you took in the smell of the water and sand. It gave you such comfort that nothing else could ever compare to. 

Cousins Beach felt more like home than your actual home in New York. You had the people you loved here. No unnecessary problems or worries that majorly concerned you while you were here. When you were back home you had to worry about schools, sports, your parents, and everything else in the mix.  

“I missed you,” Conrad mumbled under his breath.

“What was that?” you asked not catching what he said.

“I think the water missed you too.”

“We’ll have to find out then, shall we?” you stuck your right hand out for him to hold and the second you felt your hands touch you tighten your grip and ran with him to the water. 

You felt free. It was like nothing could ever go wrong with having Conrad with you and amazing water. You splashed Conrad as a joke before you realized he didn’t take it as a joke and you started swimming for the life of you. But Conrad being himself caught you and dragged the both of you underwater. You resurfaced and tried getting your hair out of your face which you weren’t doing a very good job at it.

“Your hair will always be wild,” Conrad smiled pushing the hair you missed out of your face and tucking it behind your ear. You were glad it was dark so he couldn’t see the obvious flush on your cheeks.

“And to think I just tamed it,” you giggled pushing him away from you.

“I like it better this way, it’s more you,” he said as he swam closer to you. 

“Con, you feeling okay today?” you laughed as you placed your hands on his shoulders when he lifted you onto his lap. Your legs wrapped around his waist as his hands went to grip your hips.

“Never better,” he grinned as he gazed into your eyes, you wanted to break the eye contact but it was like you couldn’t.

“Con, what are we doing?” you sighed as you played with the hairs on the back of his head. This was a dangerous game you two were playing and you didn’t know how to stop. Better yet you didn’t want to.

“Whatever feels right I guess?” Conrad’s gaze went from your eyes down to your lips before traveling up again to your eyes.

“Conrad.”

“Y/n. Can I kiss you?” he scanned your face for any signs of hesitation. You nodded your head as a yes for him.

“You gotta tell me, Y/n,” he added on.

“Yes, Con,” he leans in to softly placed his lips on yours and kisses you tenderly before pulling pack to see your reaction.

When his lips touched yours you felt like fireworks were going off in the back. It didn’t feel real. Here you were kissing Conrad Fisher, the boy you’ve wanted since you learned about crushes. When he pulled back you were afraid, he thought it was a mistake before you saw the look on his face.

His face was filled with love and contentment. It made you want him more so this time you pushed your lips on his going into a heated kiss. It wasn’t perfect but then again nothing ever is. It was filled with such eagerness and hunger. His hold on your hips tightened and pulled you closer to him till there was no space separating you two. 

As the kiss deepened you felt his tongue swipe against your bottom lip, and you opened your mouth slightly allowing him to slip his tongue in. You guys kissed for what felt like an eternity but it was something you could never get enough of.

You two pulled back from one another and tried to catch your breath. You felt a slight buzz lingering around your head from the kiss. Your foreheads leaned against each other, enjoying the moment between you two. 

“Conrad, why now?” you voiced, breaking the silence as you continued staring into his eyes. Something about them was so alluring and beautiful. The blue looked so pure but at the same time so intimidating. 

“I never realized how much I wanted you until you were right in front of me. I should’ve realized sooner,” he said softly.

“Realized what?” you whispered.

“You’re the only one for me.”

“Don’t say something you don’t mean,” you muttered breaking the eye contact and looking at the waves crashing down onto the water. 

“I’ll only ever want you,” he said raising one of his hands to turn you back to him. His hand cupped your cheek and he pressed his lips on yours gently. He pulled back before you could respond to the kiss. 

“You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted,” you admitted to him in a whisper. 

“And here I was thinking you didn’t want me,” he joked. 

“Oh shut up,” you scoffed in amusement.

“You going to give us a chance?” 

“Always.”

You woke up snuggled up in your sheets with the sun shining through the window. Last night felt like a huge fever dream that never happened. You felt all giddy and blushy at the thought of what happened between you and Conrad on that beach.

You guys had to sneak back into the house while trying not to wake anyone up last night. Conrad walked you to your room pulling you into a quick kiss before sneaking back into his room.

After getting ready you walked downstairs for some breakfast. You walked into the kitchen not realizing everyone else was already there. All their eyes landed on you making you the center of their attention.

“Mornin’ sleeping beauty,” Jeremiah poked your cheek when you grabbed a mug from the cabinet. 

“Someone had a late night…” Steven teased when you went to pour some coffee into your mug.

“Mind sharing the details?” Belly questioned handing you the creamer from the fridge.

“Yeah, share it with the class, Y/n,” Conrad added on with a grin.

‘Of course, this would happen to you,’ you thought to yourself. You wanted to wipe that damn grin off Conrad’s face so bad. 

“Umm, what do you mean?” you played dumb.

“I mean that you came home when everyone was already asleep last night,” Steven replied.

“Yeah, so who were you with last night?” Belly asked. 

“Yeah, who were you with, Y/n? You look awfully happy,” Jeremiah pointed out.

“I wonder who could make you like that, Y/n?” Conrad said widening his grin. He was having way too much with this for your liking. 

“So who was the lucky guy??” Jeremiah asked eagerly. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you shrugged as you focused on stirring your coffee instead of the faces staring at you.

“Honey, I’m glad you were with someone,” your mom said from the table sitting with Laurel and Susannah. 

“Not you too,” you said exasperated.

“Do we know the guy, sweetie?” Susannah asked smiling at you. Though you could tell she already had her guess at who ‘this guy’ was.

“Maybe you could invite him to the signing party tonight!” Laurel happily added.

“Oh, I’m not too sure about that,” you hesitated.

“That’s a perfect idea! Bring him later and we can all meet him,” Jeremiah announced to everybody in the room. Everyone came to an agreement about it except for you. Considering you didn’t know how you were going to get out of this one this time. 

“Conrad!” you exclaimed walking into his room, making sure to shut the door behind you.

“What?” he asked smugly sitting up from his bed. 

“I cannot believe you right now,” you said as you sat on the edge of the bed.

“I didn’t do anything,” he said putting both of his hands up in defense.

“You know exactly what you did.”

“Do I really make you that happy?” he teased you.

“You always do,” you smiled looking down at your hands in your lap.

“Come here,” he said opening up his blanket to let you crawl in.

“Do you actually want to tell them tonight?”

“Maybe not directly,” he grinned.

“How?” you wondered.

“At the party, we won’t hide anything you know?”

“So we’re letting them figure it out by themselves?” you laughed at the idea. You could see their reactions now.

“Why not?”

 “Is this us labeling what we are?” 

A question that would not leave your mind since last night. Sure you both admitted having feelings for one another and started doing more intimate things but you never said anything about labels. Not that it was extremely important but it still lingered around your mind. 

“We are, whatever you want us to be.”

“So I’m hearing you wanna be my boyfriend,” you giggled. 

“Say it again,” he whispered against your lips.

“My boyfriend,” when you said that it was like something lit up in Conrad’s eyes, and he pulled you into a greedy kiss.

 “Y/n, when are going to meet this secret boy of yours?” Susannah said excitedly when you guys walked into the bookshop giving you and Conrad a glance from the corner of her eye.

“So you did invite him?” Jeremiah asked intrigued by the topic of conversation.

“We’re going to meet Y/n’s boyfriend?!” your mom squealed. 

“You’re not meeting anybody,” you answered.

“So you didn’t?” Jeremiah continued in a very confused tone.

“Why does it matter so much?” you asked Jeremiah as you guys went to go sit on the couch.

You sat in the middle leaving the seat next to you open while Jeremiah took your other side. Conrad went to get you guys some drinks and Belly & Steven were off helping their mom with something. 

“Because I wanna know how this mystery guy that got you to think of anyone else but Conrad,” Jeremiah whispered to you when he saw Conrad walking back towards you two. 

“Whatcha guys talking about?” Conrad whispered to you two mockingly as he handed you a glass of champagne that you were pretty sure was for the guests.

“Nothing much,” you replied giving him a look that basically said you.

“Just about our girl’s man,” Jeremiah answered him with a teasing undertone.

“Oh, he’s here?” Conrad added with a smirk plastered across his face. 

“We don’t know because Y/n won’t tell us anything about him,” Jeremiah complained.

“Jeremiah, why don’t you go help Steven with the books, he looks like he needs some help,” you moved on from the topic, wanting to talk with Conrad alone without Jeremiah’s constant questions. 

“Yo, Steven, you good?” Jeremiah hollered across the room to him.

“Bro, get your ass over here,” Steven called back. 

“That’s my cue. Conrad, figure out the guy for us?” Jeremiah turned back to Conrad before walking away.

“Yeah totally,” Conrad replied back to him.

“How long do you think it’ll take for them?” you snickered to Conrad looking at Jeremiah and Steven mess around with the extra copies of Laurel’s book.

“Once one notices all of them do,” Conrad said sneaking an arm around your waist. 

“That is very true,” as you scooted closer to his side not caring if anyone saw you. 

You leaned your head on his shoulder as he pressed a quick kiss on the top of your head. Even with the constant questioning that occurred at the beginning of the party, it was nice. Everyone was having a good time. Laurel was signing copies of her book for people; Steven and Jeremiah were messing with the signs; Belly was talking with Cameron, a guy she brought to the party; Susannah was enjoying being able to mingle around with everyone in the room. Conrad and you watched everyone from the couch sitting in comfortable silence before the inevitable chaos that could happen at any time.

“You two look comfy,” a voice said standing in front of you and Conrad which startled the both of you causing you two to separate quickly from each other.

“Hey, mom…” Conrad tried to play off.

“I knew it!” Susannah claimed to point her finger at you two smugly.

“I had a feeling you knew,” you admitted smiling at her.

“How?” Conrad questioned Susannah.

“Honey, you’re never this smiley with anyone, and we all know you would’ve thrown a literal fit if it was anyone but you,” Susannah answered with a lovingly tease. 

“No, I wouldn’t,” Conrad tried to defend himself fully knowing he probably would have.

“Con, yes you would,” you laughed.

“Conrad, would what?” Steven asked coming up to you guys with Jeremiah trailing behind him.

“Thrown a fit if the guy Y/n’s talking to was here,” Susannah covered for you two before walking back towards Laurel.

“I’m surprised he isn’t, to be honest,” Jeremiah commented.

“Wait that’s actually so true,” Steven said as he thought about it.

“Guys, come on,” Conrad tried.

“No wait, you’re not upset at all? Or like acting super protective. You know the guy already, huh,” Jeremiah said as if he was putting pieces of a puzzle together. 

“Why would I be?” Conrad shrugged. You took one side glance at him and started giggling at this entire situation.

“You little missy are not going to get out of this one, so who’s the guy? And why does Conrad already know him?” Jeremiah pointed his finger at you accusingly.

“I would hope he knows him,” you said already knowing how this was going to go down.

“And why’s that?” Steven asked taking the seat beside you.

“Cause I am him?” Conrad muttered amused by this whole thing.

“What’d you just say!?” Jeremiah jumped up looking back and forth between you and Conrad.

“Say what?’ Conrad played dumb.

“You know what you just said!” Steven caught on.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about right now,” Conrad continued.

“I can’t believe this right now,” Jeremiah said in disbelief. 

“Believe what?” Belly asked as she made it up to you guys with Cameron by her side.

“They’re together!” Jeremiah exclaimed while Steven pointed at you and Conrad.

“Wait you guys really didn’t notice?” Belly laughed at their reactions.

“You did?” Steven asked.

“It was so obvious this morning plus I caught Y/n sneaking out of his room to get ready for the party,” Belly explained to the two boys before walking away again.

“Oops?” you said looking back to Conrad who just laughed.

“Only you,” Conrad chuckled pulling you back into him.

“Gross,” Steven said while getting up from beside you two.

“Can I just say, finally!” Jeremiah commented looking at your and Conrad’s interaction.

“Jere, would you please shut up,” you told the boy in front of you.

“Finally?” Conrad questioned from beside you.

“Yeah, bro, she’s liked you since like forever! You remember that one time-” 

“I would shut up right now before you say something you’ll regret later,” you threatened Jeremiah before he said too much.

“No, I would love to hear this,” Conrad smirked, nodding to Jeremiah to continue with his little story.

[sohotthateveryonedied]

so i’m trying to write duke and i don’t think i’m writing him right. how would you describe his personality because with don’t trust fanon lmfaooo

(this was only supposed to be a paragraph or two i swear to god)

1. first things first, duke is a hardcore gryffindor. don’t let the yellow color scheme mislead you, okay. and while most of the time he’s depicted in fanon as “omg this family is crazy and i’m the only sane one,” it’s actually pretty much the opposite? if anything, i think the other batkids would be like “oh finally, someone who can match our level of chaotic energy. HEY DUKE WANNA BUNGEE JUMP OFF WAYNE TOWER—” and an hour later they’d all be in the batcave getting lectured by bruce for leading poor sweet innocent duke astray when really he was already planning on doing that this weekend.

listen, this is the kid who once jumped off a bridge to escape police. this is the dude who decided to fight criminals while they’re still eating their wheaties at 6am in a bright yellow suit. and while duke seems to be the best at following bruce’s command at the moment due to having been trained by him most recently compared to the others and is still figuring out how to be a hero, i’m positive that if bruce weren’t here to guide him, duke would be running around gotham taking down criminals anyway. i mean, he literally did do that with the “we are robin” kids. plus there was the whole thing when he was like ten years old and decided “i am going to singlehandedly stop the riddler in my light up sketchers and pikachu backpack. try and stop me.” 

duke is headstrong and has a strong drive toward heroism. he’s an extremely enthusiastic and passionate person in general, and i try to capture a little of that when i write him, even with mundane things like trying to beat his siblings to the last cupcake. 

2. another thing i noticed is that duke swears like a sailor in comics? seriously, this boy could give jason a run for his money with how many “@#!%” speech bubbles there are. i don’t know if this is just a trend the writers added in the comics i’ve read of him, or if it’s a genuine trait throughout every comic he’s in, but that’s something to make note of when writing dialogue for duke. after all, he did grow up in the narrows, so it makes sense that he’d use a lot of swearing and slang in his everyday vernacular.

3. i would also make a point of noting that duke is fairly young compared to the rest of the batfamily, being the second youngest after damian. duke is still a teenager in high school, and he acts like it. he’s got homework and friends and is eager to make a difference in gotham, trying to juggle everything and make it all work somehow. he’s stubborn and doesn’t give up easily, so it’s important to write him as someone who is trying to save the world while also struggling with finding time to study for his next math test. he's human. he doesn’t get to dedicate all of his time to fighting crime like cass or jason might be able to, since duke is still a mostly normal teenager with teenager problems.

4. and don’t forget that unlike the other batkids, duke still has two living parents. sure, they’re jokerized and might not ever be the same again, but they’re alive and that’s what holds him back from letting himself get as close to the waynes as he wants to. duke won’t be calling bruce “dad” anytime soon, and i think he’d have some internal struggle over stuff like holidays and birthdays with the waynes, remembering what his parents are missing out on and wondering if joining the wayne family is a betrayal to them. duke is very conflicted over this, even if he doesn’t say it directly. stuff like ducking out of movie night early or feeling a bittersweet pang during thanksgiving dinner makes sense for someone in his situation. 

(i usually ignore that aspect in my fics because i want duke to just be adopted and part of the family already, but not everyone does that, and that’s perfectly fine.)

5. honestly, duke is such a caring individual and we as a fandom need more of him being a shoulder for people to lean on because he’s?? so soft?? duke can be so sympathetic and rational when it comes to emotional problems. it seems like duke internalizes every bit of advice he gets from the people around him and uses it to inspire others and help them through their own problems. as tough and hotheaded as duke can sometimes be, he really is good when it comes to emotions.

6. duke is a smartass. he will 100% use sarcasm against any and every authority figure he meets, usually just for the hell of it. 

7. he’s very frank in general, usually the first to be like “okay full disclosure, we’re about to die right now. that sucks. anyway—” in a situation. he’s honest and tends to be upfront about his fears/anxieties, usually for comic relief, but i think it still counts.

8. okay i have to add that duke is also kind of a punk? he and jason have a lot in common because of this: they both grew up in one of gotham’s worse areas (jay in crime alley and duke in the narrows) and they’re both highkey deliquents. duke has no problem getting into fights or talking back to authority figures, and it’s gotten him in hot water on more than one occasion. it’s why he kept getting moved around the foster system before bruce took him in because no one wanted to keep him.

9. he’s also gotten so close with the other batkids and we love to see it!! duke calls cass “sis” and treats damian like the annoying little brother he never had and i adore every second of it. we haven’t gotten a lot of interactions between duke and the others aside from training and stuff, but he and jason have the whole “punk kid who got adopted by batman and is baffled by how rich people live” going for them, so they can bond over that. and duke is a thinker like tim, so they can hang out and do puzzles or play chess or whatever it is that smart people do. (and duke and steph are BESTIES i don’t care what anyone says.)

10. most of all, duke is still learning how the whole hero thing works. he’s young and he’s trying his best, but he also makes mistakes. he will be impulsive and screw up, and he’ll try and merge the lessons batman’s taught him and that his parents taught him and that other heroes teach him until it all makes sense in his own mind. duke isn’t experienced like dick or even damian, so he’s going to be lagging behind for a while until he grows until the role he’s made for himself.

other miscellaneous details to include: 

- duke is dating izzy, who used to be part of the “we are robin” gang with him - he used to live at the manor and now lives with his cousin jay, but honestly i just have him living at the manor in everything i write because i like it better that way - he can control shadows and light now! what a king! - duke secretly writes poetry and is good at creative writing in general  - this:

- duke is super smart?? he figured out that agent 37 was dick grayson without even trying?? i’m so proud of him - his biological father is this supervillain called gnomon so now duke has got four parents: his mom, his dad, his supervillain dad, and bruce (plus selina if you count her as the batkids’ stepmom, which i do) - jason calls him “narrows” and i love that

- and, lastly, the most important panel in the history of comics:

[butterflyyeo]

drunk in love

pairing - yeosang x fem reader

genre - fluff, angst (?)

tw - lots of alcohol consumption, swearing

wc - 10k

side ships - seongjoong, yungi

a/n -- was meant to be angst but turned into fluff... im trying my best to get better at writing angst aaaah. but please enjoy this for now <3 thanks for letting me tag you @iminchaosnow !!

------------------------------------------- you had known kang yeosang for nearly two years now. two, dreadfully slow and exhausting years.it was your final year of high school when he transferred to your school, he was a close family friend of wooyoung's. his parents had spoken highly of the school, insisting that yeosang transfers in order to excel for his last year of schooling. as far as you were concerned, he had decent grades, but he preferred to spend his time hanging around the skatepark after dark, when everyone else had left.

and in all the two years you'd known him, you had never once had a full conversation with him, despite being in your group of friends. his side of the 'conversation' usually consisted of monotonous 'yeahs' and 'mhms'. wooyoung constantly assured you it was because he's shy and that he'd eventually open up. but you weren't convinced. you tried so hard for him to like you, but your efforts were fruitless. it was infuriating, feeling like you were constantly doing something wrong whenever you were around him.

you currently found yourself in the backseat of yeosang's car, wedged between a drunken yunho and mingi while a chaotic wooyoung was singing along to his chosen playlist. (though, it sounded more like wailing.)

you and the eight boys had all decided to take a gap year, spend every last cent you earned on adventure and alcohol to make lifelong memories, before your careers became a blockade in your friendship. but the year was coming to an end soon, it was already mid november. on the bright side, that meant your favourite holidays were just weeks away.

yeosang was always the designated driver. that was something you had noticed about him over the last few years. to be honest, you weren't sure just how he coped with a screeching wooyoung, because you sure as hell weren't dealing very well with yunho and mingi who were playing a very intense game of rock paper scissors to decide who would be crashing on the couch in your apartment.

"i win!" mingi cheered, waving his hands excitedly. "you're on the couch, man."

yunho frowned, "damn."

you laughed, "it's okay, yunho. you can share the bed with me if you'd like."

"hey! that's not fair y/n! you said i could this time." wooyoung whined from the front seat.

"sorry, woo. you know i keep my promises, but you're going back to your apartment. remember?" you tried to reason.

wooyoung looked as though someone had switched a lightbulb on behind his eyes, "oh yeah! i forgot."

the four of you burst into laughter, mainly caused by the alcohol and partially because of wooyoung's realisation. and still, yeosang didn't crack a smile, hands just gripping the steering wheel tighter as his knuckles turned white.

soon, you arrived outside your apartment block, quickly stepping out the car after yunho. wooyoung wound his window down and you poked your head in, attempting to hug him goodbye.

"bye woo!" you said, giggling at your faltered farewell.

"good night y/n, thanks for the drinks!" he shouted, exclaiming a bit too loudly next to your ear.

"thanks for the lift as always, yeosang!" you yelled, pulling away from wooyoung's tight hug.

he nodded, "no problem." before putting the window up and driving away.

you pouted, turning around to face the two boys. "i just don't understand what i'm doing wrong." you buried your face into your hands, "why doesn't he like me?" you groaned.

"y/n." mingi began, "its nearly 1am, its way too late for this 'why does yeosang hate me?' crap." he shook your shoulders, literally trying to shake some sense into you.

"yeah, mingi's right. we've had this discussion a thousand times." yunho said grasping your wrist and pulling you up the stairs, stumbling along the way. (because lets be real, stairs are difficult enough as it is, let alone when drunk.) "now, let us into your apartment so we can eat your food and crash on your couch!" he joked, nudging mingi in a playful manner.

you reached into your pocket and fumbled around with they key for a moment before unlocking the door. the boys practically pushed you inside and made a beeline for the fridge.

"help yourselves! i'm going to shower." you called, dragging yourself to your bedroom.

once you'd finished showering you went back to the living room to check on yunho and mingi. not so much to your surprise, they had fallen asleep on your couch already, cuddled up into each other. it was cute, even picture worthy to show their sober selves. you reached for your phone which typically lived in your pocket, though you began to panic when it wasn't there. hurrying around the apartment, you searched every possible nook and cranny for your phone, but it was nowhere to be found. you collapsed onto your bed, snuggling into the soft sheets, too tired to worry about your phone anymore and content with the assumption that you'd left it in yeosang's car.

shortly, your heavy eyes fell shut and you began to sleep away the tequila.

————————

the next morning you awoke to mingi and yunho's deep, hungover voices, discussing their plans for the next week.

you reluctantly pulled yourself out of bed and dawdled down the hallway.

"ah! there's our favourite karaoke partner!" yunho greeted, jokingly.

you laughed, "shh, don't let wooyoung hear you say that."

"she's right, man. he'd be so offended." mingi said, stretching out his sore limbs. "how are you feeling today, y/n?" he asked.

"not the worst hangover i've had. what about you guys? you're welcome to stay here as long as you'd like, until you feel better." you replied, knowing them well enough to know that they'd need at least a few painkillers and a good meal before they went home.

yunho chuckled, "i feel like crap, but nothing a sandwich and glass of water can't solve."

"i second that." mingi said, raising a hand.

"okay, well in that case, i'll go to the store and get something for breakfast. sound good?" you reasoned, running a hand through your hair. you loved these boys, and making them breakfast was just a nice way of showing you cared. drunk or not, they knew how to make you smile and laugh, which they loved to see.

"sounds amazing!" yunho said, breaking into a sincere smile.

you quickly changed out of your pyjamas and slipped some shoes on.

"i might be a bit longer, i need to stop by yeosang's. i think i left my phone in his car." you explained, picking your keys up from the kitchen counter. "see you guys soon! feel free to take a shower if you want." you said, waving goodbye and heading out the door.

"okay, bye y/n!" the boys called from behind you.

the first stop was yeosang's apartment, he only lived about ten minutes away with wooyoung and san, in the same building as jongho. both yunho and mingi lived on the other side of town, which is why they so often crashed at your place after parties. seonghwa and hongjoong were fortunate enough to live in a house, just outside town, they had actually been the hosts of last night's party.

it didn't take long to get there. you pushed open the lobby door and made your way over to the elevator, disappointed to see that it was out of order for maintenance. instead, you took the stairs and began spiralling upwards. less than a minute later you looked up, only to bump into the man you came looking for.

"oh, yeosang! i'm so sorry, i didn't mean to." you quickly apologised, worried about creating another reason for him to dislike you.

"it's fine." he shrugged.

you both began to talk again at the same time, "ah, sorry, you go."

"i was just gonna say, you left your phone in my car. actually, i was about to bring it back." he pulled your phone from the pocket of his jacket, handing it to you. as he did, your fingers brushed against his. he spun around suddenly and began to walk away, "i'll see you around."

he had left before you even had a chance to thank him. slightly confused and frustrated, you turned back around and traipsed down the stairs.

you gathered what you needed for a hearty breakfast at the local convenience store before heading home and spending the rest of the day in the enjoyable company of yunho and mingi.

yeosang had entered back into his apartment and sat down on the couch.

"back already?" wooyoung asked, rummaging through the fridge.

"she was coming to get her phone and i ran into her on the staircase."

wooyoung sighed, "when are you gonna stop hating her?"

"i don't hate her." yeosang said, not looking up from his phone.

"then why do you act like you do?"

yeosang pretended to not hear that question and continued to scroll through his phone. see, he'd rather not dwell on things that he couldn't understand.

————————

to fill up your weekdays during your gap year, you had picked up a job at a hotel in town as a receptionist. to your dismay, your boss had asked you to work night shift all week, which is how you found yourself here on thursday night, sitting alert and waiting for the slight chance that someone might check in at this time of night. it was a pretty fancy hotel, and the job payed well enough, so really, you had nothing to complain about.

the nights seemed to drag on for an eternity. to keep yourself busy, you often wasted time counting the cars that drove past, or tried to count the number of crystals that hung from the chandelier. so far, only a few people had checked in during your shift, having come from overseas and recently arriving at the airport. honestly, whenever someone walked through the front door, lugging a suitcase behind them, you got excited as it gave you something to do.

the clock was creeping up to 4am and you let out a quiet yawn, feeling drowsy as your body clock hadn't yet adjusted to the change of sleeping patterns on such short notice. taking a sip of water, you shook your head, trying to stay awake. your head suddenly jolted up at the sound of the front door opening.

a man stumbled forward, and you'd seen enough zombie movies to become instantly paranoid. you quickly pushed the thought out of your head, feeling ridiculous for even considering it. but as the man got closer, you could smell the cheap, potent alcohol lingering on his body.

he leant against the desk, peering down at you. "i need a room for the night."  he grumbled. "my stupid wife kicked me out." he said under his breath.

you forced a friendly smile, despite feeling uneasy, "of course! i just need you to fill in this form with some simple details." you said, sliding across a clipboard and a pen.

he huffed, picking up the pen and scribbling onto the sheet of paper before pushing it back to you. "can i go now?"

"just a moment, sir." you replied, eyes skimming over the form as you copied the information into the computer in front of you.

the man was growing impatient, stepping from foot to foot with his arms crossed.

"uh, sir, you missed a part of the form. could you please provide your phone number here." you pointed to the empty space on the sheet.

"for fucks sake." he muttered, "i don't have my phone on me and i don't know my phone number." he said, annoyedly tapping on the desk.

"i'm really sorry, sir, but—"

"can't you just find me a fucking room?" he snapped, hands balled into fists and slamming against the desk, making you jump in fright.

before you had time to try and reason with him, he continued to shout.

"you're as stupid as my wife! i'll just find a different fucking hotel." he yelled, swiping the clipboard and pen off the desk. "useless bitch." he mumbled as he kicked over a chair on his way out.

you chewed your bottom lip, trying to fight back the tears. with shaky hands, you picked up your phone and dialled the first place that came to mind. after a few rings, the phone answered.

"woo?" you croaked, trying hard to not cry.

"he's asleep. this is yeosang." he replied, evidently having just woken up by the sound of his voice.

"oh." you began, instantly feeling guilty for waking him up, "i'm sorry i didn't mean to disturb you."

"did you need something?" he asked.

"i just, i was..." you let out a sob, wiping at a tear falling from your eye.

this didn't go unnoticed by yeosang, "are you crying? what are you doing awake right now anyway?"

"i'm at work." you managed to choke out.

"at 4am?"

"i'm on night shift."

"why are you crying then?" he asked, feeling something slightly tug at his heart, but choosing to ignore it.

you began to ramble, "a man came in and he was really drunk and complaining about his wife and then he yelled at me because i asked him to give his phone number and—"

"i'm on my way." yeosang cut you off.

"what?"

"i'll be there in ten." with that, he hung up the phone.

exactly ten minutes later, you were sat in the passenger seat of yeosang's car. he was dressed in sweats, clearly having come straight from bed. you'd left a note on the desk, explaining to your coworker why you wouldn't be there when she arrived to take over your shift. a silence filled the car, and you felt the need to talk, but chose not to, worried about giving yeosang another reason to hate you.

once you arrived outside your apartment building, you were surprised that yeosang got out the car too and trailed closely behind you up the stairs to your apartment. when you reached the door you spun around to face him.

"thank you for bringing me home." you said, voice quiet and still rather shaken up.

"it's no problem. good night, y/n." he replied, sensing that you were still upset. he suddenly felt this overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around you tightly and not let go until you stopped crying. he wanted to protect you from every drunk idiot on the planet. he wanted to make you feel safe.

but instead, he watched as you closed the door behind you and locked it from inside.

————————

you arrived at work the next morning, instantly feeling more comfortable with cleaners, employees and people coming and going. immediately, you headed for your boss's office.

"good morning, sir. i just wanted to come and apologise for leaving my shift early last night. i can assure you it won't happen again." you said, feeling nervous as to what your boss might say.

he shook his head, "i should be the one apologising, a man came in this morning and spoke very sternly about the safety problems here. i realise now how stupid it was of me to make you work night shift, alone, at such a young age. we've hired security guards and have also made sure that two people will be on desk at all times. i'm sorry that you had to deal with that."

you were at a loss for words, you didn't think that there would be such drastic changes just from the once incident. "thank you so much." you replied.

"for now, take the rest of the day off. you'll only be working day shifts for next week and can return to doing night shifts whenever you feel ready to do so." your boss said, motioning for the door.

the rest of the day you spent in deep sleep, catching up on some much overdue rest.

———————

weeks passed and you found that work was much more enjoyable. you still hadn't returned to working night shifts, but at least now you had someone to run the front desk with you and keep you company.

this weekend, you were going to visit hongjoong and seonghwa. hongjoong was sick and so you decided to go help out since seonghwa couldn't always be there to look after him.

you knocked on their front door and was surprised to be greeted by san.

"good afternoon! come in." he gave you a hug before ushering you inside.

"what are you doing here?" you said, following him down the hall.

in the living room, you saw all eight of the boys gathered around a couch-ridden hongjoong.

"jongho was already here when me, yeosang and woo arrived." san explained.

"yeah, and then mingi and yunho turned up." wooyoung continued.

"y/n! i have never been more glad to see you! you gotta save me from them." hongjoong laughed, arms open, signalling for a hug.

you went over and embraced him in a hug, "good thing i brought an excessive amount of cookies." you said, placing the box of cookies on the coffee table next to the couch. the table was covered in empty mugs and bowls, you could tell seonghwa had been busy and hadn't had the chance to clean up. you opened up the box and handed him a cookie before offering them around to the rest of the boys.

"you're the best cook ever." mingi said, taking a big bite.

"i made you spaghetti last night!" yunho countered, feeling offended that his roommate didn't think he was the better cook. mingi just laughed and took another bite.

"jongho get off the counter, please." seonghwa said, coming through the front door. "don't be so comfortable, you were throwing up in my toilet like a month ago." he joked.

yeosang glanced your way, his eyebrows furrowed like he was contemplating something.

"lets head off and give these two some space." yunho said, dragging mingi behind him.

wooyoung stood up, "yeah, lets get going."

yeosang pulled his keys from his pocket, "okay, bye guys." he said, heading down the hallway.

"can we get some food on the way home?" you heard san call as they left.

"bye hongjoong! i hope you're feeling better soon." jongho said, "bye seonghwa, i promise i won't throw up in your toilet any time soon." he joked, leaving through the front door.

"seonghwa, how are you? don't forget to take some time for yourself as well." you frowned.

"i'm tired, but i'll be okay. i just gotta clean up and—"

"why don't you go rest a while? i can keep hongjoong company for a few hours." you reasoned, wanting to help as much as possible. there was nothing you hated more than seeing you friends in distress and upset.

he looked between hongjoong and yourself, "i couldn't."

hongjoong let out an audible huff, "hwa! will you just let her help please, she clearly wants to."

you grinned, "exactly, now go read or sleep or watch some tv or something." you said, gently pushing him towards their shared bedroom.

you spent the afternoon tidying up and talking with hongjoong. you managed to do all the dishes and put them away before scouring their kitchen, deciding on what you could use for dinner. you found everything you needed for a decent meal and began cooking it up. hongjoong had dozed off mid conversation, surrounded in a pile of tissues, you chose to let him sleep so he would recover quicker.

about an hour later, you placed two steamy hot meals onto their dining table next to two full glasses of water. you quietly knocked on their bedroom door, finding seonghwa asleep amongst the covers.

you gently shook him awake, "hwa, i made dinner for you guys. you can wake joong up, i'll head off now." you said with a smile.

leaving the two of them to enjoy their dinner, you headed home and cooked yourself something to eat. it was nice having some time to yourself, but saturday nights were becoming more and more empty as winter grew closer. december was only days away and the year would soon come to an end. you reached for the phone, suddenly desperately missing your friends despite only seeing them hours ago.

"hey woo, are you free next weekend?" you asked.

he paused a moment, "i think so, why?"

"you wanna go out with the others? it's been a while since we have all caught up for drinks."

"count me in!" wooyoung cheered.

you called everyone else up and they all agreed, even hongjoong promised to come if he was feeling better.

————————

you found yourself surrounded by wooyoung, san, yunho and mingi as the music blared. it was a less popular club on the far side of town but it was a comfortable place for you all. you often came here for drinks and the staff members knew you, quite well, a little too well. san grabbed your hand and spun you around a few times with the music.

you laughed, leaning against him, "maybe spinning around isn't the best idea right after two shots of vodka."

"what?" san yelled into your ear, struggling to hear you over the music.

you laughed louder, pulling him closer to you, "i said, spinning is not a good idea after drinking vodka!"

"oh!" he joined you in laughing before trying to twirl you around once more.

hongjoong and seonghwa sat at the bar, holding hands and being intimate as always. yeosang was sat next to jongho at a booth, quietly talking with him, but from the corner of your eye, you saw jongho stand up and walk away. your eyes watched him worriedly and you couldn't help but run after him. you followed him as best you could, stumbling every now and then. he'd gone to the bathroom so you patiently waited outside until he came back, looking slightly pale.

you practically leapt at him, doing a quick scan to make sure he was okay, "jongho? are you alright?"

he smiled at your overwhelming concern, "yeah, i just drank too much as usual. i'll be alright, you can go back to dancing."

"let me just get you some water first. i'll be right back okay?" you patted his shoulder. "don't go anywhere i'll be back in a second."

you made your way back to where jongho had been sitting with yeosang. as you approached, yeosang eyed you up and down, taking in your drunken state, though, it wasn't the first time he'd seen you this way. you nearly tripped as you reached the table, struggling to walk in heels.

"i need a glass of water, do you have a glass of water? jongho needs a glass of water." you mumbled to yourself, reaching for the jug in the center of the table.

"are you okay?" yeosang asked, quickly pushing your hand away from the jug.

"i'm okay, but jongho needs water. can i take this cup? he's waiting for me, i told him not to go anywhere, i need to get back to jongho—" you tried to pick up a glass but yeosang pressed your hand back down once more.

"i'll take it to him, you stay here." he said, filling the cup full with water and heading towards the bathrooms.

your brain suddenly felt fuzzy and your eyes became blurry, it was like the alcohol hit your system all at once. your head spun round and round and you leaned forward, resting your hands on your head. you'd never felt this sick from drinking, maybe you'd had too much too quickly, maybe it was the spinning. there was no way to tell, all you knew was that you felt like you were about to fall from the top of a very high roller coaster.

your eyes felt increasingly heavy, you allowed them to slip shut, head falling to the table with a not so gentle thud.

"y/n?" someone shook you, "y/n wake up!" it was wooyoung.

"shit, is she okay? should we call an ambulance?" jongho said, reaching for his phone.

"is she breathing? has anyone checked?" seonghwa gently lifted your shoulders and sat you upright, relieved to see the rise and fall of your chest. "we should call a taxi and get her home."

"are you crazy? she's unconscious, she won't be able to get up the stairs to her apartment! what if the driver is dodgy? she's already had to deal with shitty men while working night shift, imagine if something happened while she's drunk!" yeosang blurted out. the boys were shocked over his sudden concern for you. yeosang had never once shown any interest or care for you in the presence of them.

"well, what should we do then?" mingi asked, worriedly running a hand through his hair.

"i'll take her, you've all been drinking." yeosang concluded. "she'll be fine, don't worry. enjoy the rest of your night, okay? i've dealt with woo passing out before remember?"

"that's true." san said, throwing a light hearted glare in wooyoung's direction, who showed a rather sheepish expression.

the boys went back to their drinks, taking it a little slower now and yeosang carried you to his car. it wasn't easy, but he managed to sit you upright in the back seat of his car with his rear view mirror aimed directly at you so he could make sure you were okay.

he was able to lift you up the stairs and get your house key from the pocket of your jacket, which would've looked questionable to anyone else, but he had the best intentions. he sat you down in a dining chair, watching as your head lolled forward and your body slumped. he quickly filled a glass of water and came back to you.

"y/n." he whispered, resting a hand on your shoulder. "y/n." he said again, louder this time.

the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you, but you weren't waking up and that was becoming concerning. he shook your shoulder, as gently as he possible could in a moment like this, and to his relief, your eyes hesitantly opened.

your head felt like a bowling ball and you groaned quietly. "yeosang?"

"here." he said holding the cup to your lips, allowing you to take a small sip.

"how did we get here?" you mumbled, head rolling to the side.

he caught your head and carefully pushed you back upright, "i drove you, this is your apartment."

"oh." you said, eyes drooping shut again. "oh." you repeated.

"y/n, i really need you to stay awake right now." he said, bringing the cup to your mouth again. "lets talk."

"we never talk!" you exclaimed. "this is the longest conversation we've ever had!"

"i know." he said, pulling up a chair to sit directly in front of you. yeosang felt that slight tug at his heart again tonight, the way you sounded so excited just to talk with him.

"no, no, no." you whined, "this is so bad!"

"what is it?"

you pouted before nervously biting your lip, "i'm really sorry."

"for what?" he questioned, leaning back in his chair.

"for ruining your night and making you stay here with me! now you just have another reason to hate me." you sighed, letting your head fall into your hands.

"i could never hate you." he said, voice barely above a whisper.

but you had fallen back asleep, so yeosang sat you upright once more and monitored you closely all night. with every minute that passed, he wished more and more that it was easier for him to show his emotions, to you especially. he wondered if maybe he wasn't so closed off that things would be different between the two of you. but it was hard for him, to let people in, he was afraid. afraid of people judging the real him, afraid of what might happen if he lets himself become vulnerable, afraid of facing his feelings about you.

you awoke hours later with a raging headache and extreme nausea. you headed straight for the bathroom and hunched over the toilet, feeling the sickest you'd ever felt. yeosang waited patiently outside the bathroom door with a glass of water and painkillers.

when you came out, he held his hand out, "take this."

you looked down at his hand and then up at him, slightly confused, "what are you doing here?"

"you passed out last night, and i drove you home because everyone else had been drinking." he said, passing the glass of water.

"oh my god." you ran a hand through your hair, "yeosang, i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to be any trouble! you must of been here all night, i promise it won't happen again, that was so stupid of me—"

"it's fine, don't worry about it." he said, shrugging, "i'll get going now, but make sure you take it easy and drink enough water." his eyes carefully scanned your body one last time, making sure you were really okay. he headed for the door and you followed.

"i'm really sorry." you frowned, feeling as though no amount of apologies would make it up to him.

he let out a slight chuckle, "it's okay, seriously y/n." he said before leaving. you heard the all too familiar jingle of his keys as the door closed behind him.

he'd stayed with you all night, eyes watching over you closely. ready at your side whenever you stirred in your sleep. he'd been there in the morning prepared with water and painkillers. this was never how it was, usually this was your job, taking care of the boys. it was your way of showing you cared, helping out wherever possible.

this wasn't like yeosang. at all.

————————

as soon as yeosang got home he was greeted by a very concerned san and wooyoung.

"is she okay?"

"are you tired?"

"did she wake up?"

he was bombarded by questions.

"she's okay, she fell asleep after a while and i made her take some painkillers when she woke up." yeosang said, collapsing onto the couch.

"so you really don't hate her then." wooyoung thought aloud.

"he can't, he spent the whole night looking after her!" san said, hitting wooyoung like it was obvious.

"owww," wooyoung rubbed his arm, "even she thinks you don't like her!"

"i know, she said last night. but she probably won't remember saying that." yeosang said, feeling increasingly drowsy from his lack of sleep.

"maybe you guys should like, talk things out?" san suggested, taking a seat next to him.

"maybe." yeosang said, drifting off into sleep.

you had spent the day curled up in bed, wondering how you could make it up to yeosang, and there was nothing more you wanted than to get to know him better, but what would he want? you called up san on that thought.

"hey sannie," you said, "i need your help, actually, is woo there as well?"

"oh my god she's alive!" you heard wooyoung call from beside san.

"what do you need help with?" san asked.

you paused a moment, "is yeosang there?"

"well yes, but he's asleep."

you groaned, "i feel so bad that he stayed up all night looking after me. i really wanna make it up to him but i don't know how. plus, it's not like he's that fond of me. maybe i should just thank him by staying out of his space."

"i don't think he'd like that." wooyoung interjected. "i still think he just needs time before opening up to you."

"i think its just me." you sighed, worriedly chewing on your bottom lip.

"hey! don't be like that! there's no reason to not like you." san scolded you for down talking yourself as he always does.

"agreed." wooyoung said, chiming in.

"i'm sure i'll work something out. thanks guys! enjoy the rest of your day!" you said.

"good luck!"

"bye y/n!"

————————

you had been staring at your phone for at least an hour, typing and retyping the message to yeosang. wooyoung gave you his number so that you could contact him when you'd finally worked out how to make it up to him. in the end, you decided that you would let him decide.

you drew in a sharp breath and squeezed your eyes tightly shut as you pressed send.

you: hey yeosang, i still feel really bad about the other day, i wanna know how i can make it up to you !!

yeosang: did wooyoung give you my number? T~T

you: yes he did.. i hope thats okay !

yeosang: of course yeosang: how about you make it up to me over a cup of coffee? >.<

you: that sounds great !! you: when are you free ?

yeosang: does tomorrow morning work for you ? i can pick you up ^_^

you: of course ! i'll see you tomorrow :)

yeosang sat in his room, facepalming. why was it so easy to be more open over text?

you on the other hand, felt your heart swell in a bizarre way. maybe it was the way you hadn't expected him to use such cute little emoticons. maybe it was the way that you'd be able to have a full conversation with him. whatever it was, excitement had taken over you.

————————

a knock pounded at your door and you rushed to open it.

"ready to go?" he asked, leaning against the door frame coolly.

"yes, lets go!" you said, sounding a little too excited.

the two of you made your way down the stairs and into yeosang's car. you found yourself smiling as you looked out the window.

your excitement hadn't gone unnoticed, "you seem awfully excited."

"i really wanted to make it up to you," you beamed. "it must've been boring to watch over me all night."

"i didn't mind so much." he said, shrugging.

you frowned, "you shouldn't of done it."

"and leave you passed out in the club?" he quirked an eyebrow up at you.

"well..."

"exactly." he said, parking the car outside a small cafe nearby his apartment. "come on, lets go inside."

you followed him in and took a seat across from him at a table close to the window. you both ordered coffees and resumed conversation.

"so, where were we?" you smiled, taking a sip of coffee.

"talking about how you wanted me to leave you passed out in the club." he said. you were almost convinced you saw a teasing smile pulling at his lips.

"right. i'm so sorry about that."

this time he actually chuckled, and you were taken aback. it was like the wall yeosang had surrounding himself was crumbling before your eyes.

"you need to apologise less." he laughed, bringing his coffee cup to his mouth for a sip. "half of the time we talk its just you saying sorry to me."

"i'm so—"

"hey!" the two of you broke into laughter.

his laugh was loud but warm and you couldn't help but notice the way his nose scrunched up cutely, the way his eyes looked full of stars and the way he brushed his hair out of his eyes after, revealing his beautiful birthmark. from that point on, you wanted to be the one to make him laugh every day.

he felt that familiar tug at his heart, the one he'd been feeling every moment he spent alone with you. the one he felt when he first met you. the one he couldn't make any sense of. it was as though his heart was a violin and you were the one playing it. (which would explain the tugging feeling.) but you were playing the sweetest song and he never wanted it to end.

the two of you laughed the morning away, gradually making up for what you'd missed over two years in a matter of two hours.

you'd discovered that even after getting him to open up more, he wasn't one for words. you found yourself talking his ear off while he listened intently, occasionally sharing his opinions and stories. in all his honesty, he didn't mind listening to you talk. he could've sat there all day, drinking countless cups of coffee, watching the way you bit your bottom lip whenever you paused to think or the way your eyes filled with sparkles when you talked about something that made you happy.

you insisted on paying for the infinite cups of coffee, as it was your way of making it up to him. he reluctantly agreed, but promised that he would pay if there ever was a next time, which he secretly hoped there would be. he'd finally had the chance to let his walls down. (it was actually more like you'd climbed the walls and torn them down with your bare hands.) but he was thankful for it.

he drove you back to your apartment, even after you persisted on walking home, seeing as it wasn't that far. he refused, insisting that he drive you. he even followed you up the stairs to the door of your apartment.

you turned around to face him, "you know, you're not so bad when you actually wanna talk to me."

"you know, you're not so bad when you're not drunk." he countered, his lips breaking into a playful grin.

you glared jokingly, "hey! don't make me apologise again."

"okay, okay. i won't." he said, raising his hands in defence.

you smiled, resting against the door, "alright, well, i've really enjoyed hanging out with you today. maybe we should catch up more often."

"maybe we should." he said, bearing a coy smile, "bye, y/n. i'll see you around."

————————

it was only about a week later he showed up at your work, at the end of your shift. you were pleasantly surprised to see him, and at first thought he was just someone coming to book a room.

"hello, are you looking for a r— yeosang?"

"when do you get off work?" he asked, glancing over to the clock.

"five minutes."

"i'll be waiting in the car, okay?" he said, turning on his heel and heading for the door.

on his way out, you saw as he ran into your boss, the two of them beginning conversation.

"it's good to see you've made those security changes." yeosang said as he nodded, extending his arm for a friendly handshake. "i'm very thankful."

your boss shook his hand, "and i'm thankful that you suggested them."

just over five minutes later you got into the passenger seat of yeosang's car.

"it was you who told my boss about the safety problems." you said, in near disbelief.

"hello, to you too." he joked sarcastically. "well, i would hate to think that the situation could happen again, so i just suggested some possible improvements. thats all." he shrugged like it was nothing.

"suddenly, i feel the need to make it up to you again." you smiled shyly.

"you can do that by accompanying me to the skate park." he said, motioning to his skateboard on the back seat.

"ah, so thats why you came."

"well yeah, i wanted to bring you to the skate park."

your heart swelled once again, feeling joyed that he wanted to share one of his favourite places with you. (despite him never telling you directly, you knew he loved the skate park as he spent majority of his high school time there when he wasn't studying.)

when you arrived, the sun was beginning to slip behind the horizon, causing the sky to glow a rosy pink. there were still a few kids, probably high schoolers, hanging around the park. you took a seat at a bench and waited for yeosang to come over, who was getting his skateboard out the car. you felt oddly out of place since you were still in your neat work uniform and didn't know the first thing about skateboarding.

yeosang rolled over with a grin plastered onto his face, you'd never seen him so happy, and it made you happy to see him this way. it was strange how all it took was a few cups of coffee for him to become a completely different person around you.

he didn't need to ask you to watch as your eyes were already glued to him as he dropped into the bowl, showing countless tricks and flips.

the truth was in fact that yeosang was grateful for you 'making it up to him'. he'd never been able to comprehend his feelings for you, if they were even feelings at all. he hated the confusion and decided it was easier to ignore it, and to an extent, ignore you, to make it go away. it had been working for the most part, until every time the two of you were alone together, he couldn't ignore the slight tug at his heart, that was becoming more of a pull over the last few weeks.

"you're amazing!" you cheered as he sat down next to you, out of breath.

"thanks." he smiled shyly, running a hand through his hair and out of his face. he leaned back, looking up at the sky. "do you sometimes wish you could see the stars from within the city? hongjoong and seonghwa are so lucky they can see them from their house."

you pondered a moment, thinking about the last time you actually saw stars in the sky. "i see stars in your eyes sometimes." you said, absent minded.

he felt warmth burning in his cheeks, "you do?"

"do what?" you turned to him, "did i say that out loud?" you gasped, covering your face in embarrassment. "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that it was just a thought and—"

"what did i say about apologising?" he laughed. "it's getting cold, right? you ready to head home?" he asked.

you smiled, "if you are."

he drove you home and said goodbye, feeling happy about spending time alone with you once again. he couldn't stop thinking about what you said and you couldn't stop feeling like a fool for saying it.

————————

the weather got colder and colder and soon it began to snow as the days of december passed. you had spent the day helping jongho move some new furniture into his apartment. it was a difficult job, but easier with the two of you, even san and wooyoung came to help. you couldn't resist wondering where yeosang was and why he didn't come, seeing as they lived in the same building. maybe he was busy, you thought.

"hey, where's yeosang?" you asked, lifting a box and placing it on the kitchen counter.

"at home, i think he's been feeling sick or something, he hardly comes out of his room lately." wooyoung shrugged, assuming it was all good.

"if he's sick i'll bring him over some food and painkillers, maybe keep him some company." you explained, not wanting yeosang to be unwell.

"i think he'd rather be left alone, to be honest." san said, giving wooyoung a side glance that you couldn't miss.

you pulled out your phone and sent yeosang a quick message.

you: are you feeling okay? san and woo said you were sick :((

he didn't respond right away and you just figured he was asleep. but as you finished helping out at jongho's house a few hours later, he still hadn't responded. when you were sitting down to eat dinner at home, he still hadn't respond. just before you were going to turn the lights out and go to bed, he still hadn't responded.

something was up. this wasn't like yeosang, not anymore. not since the two of you had been spending so much time together. maybe it was like the boys said, and he was truly very sick, but in that case, why wouldn't they let you help?

————————

days passed and you went to work as usual, repeating the same few lines, asking people if they want a room, asking them to fill in a form, then directing them to the right room. days passed and you still hadn't heard back from yeosang, you wondered if he was still sick. days passed and you began to think maybe you should go over there to see if he's okay.

but if there was one thing you'd learnt about yeosang recently, it was that he was the quieter type, and probably wouldn't appreciate you going over there to keep him company and would rather be alone. so that evening when you got off work, you didn't go visit him like you so desperately wanted to, instead, you went straight home.

you cooked and ate dinner for yourself, before picking up your phone, only to see still no messages from yeosang.

you: hey woo you: is yeosang feeling better ?

wooyoung: yeah he is

you: well then can i come visit tomorrow ?

wooyoung: i think he's busy wooyoung: sorry

you: its okay woo you: its not your fault !!

you switched your phone off and headed for the shower, trying to wash away the stress and worry for yeosang that had built up over the last few weeks. you had really grown to like him and there was still so much about him you wanted to learn, like when he learned to skateboard or how he got the small scar on the back of his hand, that you'd noticed when ever he brushes his hair out of his eyes.

two years he'd spent, not interested in holding conversation with you and two years you'd spent, wondering what you'd did so wrong. but lately, you felt like you were doing something right around him, getting him to smile and laugh, share his own stories.

you couldn't shake the feeling that maybe he still didn't like you, and had just been trying for wooyoung's sake.

or maybe he was genuinely starting to like you, but you went and fucked it up by weirding him out and telling him about his starry eyes.

or maybe he'd just had enough of you already. decided that a few weeks was enough time spent trying to change things between the two of you.

as you finished showering and changed into comfortable clothes, you glanced at the clock which read 10:56pm. you switched on the television to watch some youtube before going to bed. as you felt yourself dozing off, a faint knock sounded at your door, so quiet you almost missed it.

when you opened the door, you were shocked to see yeosang standing there, leaning against the door frame for support. he looked up at you, his normally starry eyes were dulled with tears.

you rushed forward to him, smelling the alcohol as you got closer, "yeosang are you okay? what are you doing here? i thought you were sick. are you drunk? you never drink, come inside." you gently pulled him inside, closing the door behind you. when you turned to face him, he was staring at you, tears about to spill over the brim of his eyes.

"i hate you." he breathed out, voice barely louder than a whisper. he didn't seem angry though, he looked fragile, like a glass vase balancing on the edge of a table.

you felt the urge to cry, finally hearing those three words that confirmed your biggest concern, yeosang disliking you. "yeosang, i'm so sorry. i never meant to—"

"i hate you." he said, louder this time before running a hand through his hair hastily. he let out a frustrated groan, dragging his hands down his face. "i hate the tugging feeling in my heart whenever we're alone. i hate the way you put yourself before others. i hate the way you ramble on when you're nervous. i hate the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh. i hate the way i don't drink around you because i feel the need to protect you and make sure you're safe. i hate the way i tried to ignore you for two years because i was scared and confused about my own feelings. i hate how it only took one cup of coffee with you for my walls to come crashing down!" he paced from side to side, waving his hands around crazily.

yeosang looked scared and lost, like he'd never felt this way about anyone before, and that was the truth. he didn't know how to comprehend these feelings and it terrified him.

you watched as he spiralled, seeming as though it would never stop. you weren't sure what to do, so you just listened to that swelling feeling in your heart once again, the one that had led you to develop feelings for yeosang, and you pulled him close into your arms. he clung onto you tightly, scared to let go, like if he did then he'd lose you forever. you ran your fingers through his hair briefly, trying your best to comfort him.

"i'm sorry." you repeatedly whispered to him. you'd never meant to upset him or confuse him.

yeosang let out a quiet sob into your chest, "i hate the way i've fallen in love with you." he croaked out.

he didn't hate you. never did. never will. your heart swelled completely in your chest, feeling as though it would burst through. but it couldn't be true. he's totally drunk out of his mind.

"you're not in your right mind, yeosang, you need to get home. you're drunk and talking nonsense." you embraced him tightly one more time, and you could've sworn you felt the beat of his heart through the hug. "come on," you urged, steering him towards the door, "wooyoung and san are probably worried and waiting up for you."

with much effort, you led him down the stairs of your apartment block and walked him home. the street lamps led you in the freezing city night air. you held his wrist lightly, guiding him up the stairs to his own apartment. he didn't speak a single word the whole time, instead, sniffling and wiping at his eyes. it hurt you so much to see him this broken, but you knew he wasn't saying the truth under control of the alcohol in his veins.

you knocked at his apartment door, hoping that one of the boys were still awake. luckily, they both were and quickly they flung the door open.

"y/n? yeosang?" san questioned, his eyes wide open with disbelief.

"we've been so worried about you!" wooyoung said, pulling yeosang away from you. "hang on, are you drunk?"

san had noticed his tired, tear stained eyes, "you look like you've been crying! are you okay?"

you let out a quiet sigh, knowing you didn't need to be here anymore. you gave a small wave goodbye and headed home, utterly exhausted.

and though you were so drained, you couldn't seem to fall asleep. those words yeosang said to you kept running through your mind busily.

did he mean any of it?

————————

yeosang felt bad. he felt terrible. like he wanted to vanish into thin air and float away with the breeze. though he couldn't, no, he desperately wanted to apologise to you. but he didn't know how, he wasn't good with words or expressing his feelings, and you wished he knew that was something you loved about him.

wooyoung and san tried to ask him what happened the night he drunkenly confessed to you, but he couldn't have them know that he'd been harbouring feelings for you for all this time, they'd never let him live it down. he could imagine the continuous teasing they'd give him, nudging him whenever you were together or giving him side glances after talking to you.

yeosang gave it lots of thought. he mulled it over in his head repeatedly. it was only after hours spent hidden away in his room that he decided to go back to where it all started, a text. a text that said how much he wanted to make it up to you for having to deal with him drunk, just like the one you'd sent initially.

yeosang: hey y/n, i feel really bad about the other day, i wanna know how i can make it up to you! T^T

your heart leapt a mile seeing his name appear on your phone. you grinned upon reading his message, realising it was scarily similar to the message you had first sent him.

you: hmmm you: that sounds familiar

yeosang: >.< yeosang: seriously though, how does dinner at my place tomorrow night sound? i'll cook

you: you can cook?

yeosang: there's a lot you don't know about me x_x

you: okay, i'll be there !!

————————

yeosang wasn't lying when he said he can cook. as you traipsed up the stairs of his apartment block you could smell something delicious laced in the air.

the usual swelling in your heart had instead fell to the pit of your stomach, you were feeling slightly nervous as to what would happen when you entered yeosang's apartment. you inhaled deeply before knocking at the door of his apartment.

"hey y/n, come in." yeosang greeted, holding an arm out, signalling for you to come inside.

"you must've been working hard cooking! it smells delicious." you said, feeling a sense of comfort just from the smell of food.

"yeah, lucky i sent wooyoung and san over to jongho's place, otherwise i doubt there would be any pasta to serve." he joked. "you can take a seat, i've just gotta serve up."

you sat down in front of a neatly laid table, it had somewhat surprised you how much effort yeosang had put into this dinner tonight. he placed a steamy hot plate of pasta in front of you and one where he would sit.

"so." he began.

"so." you copied, teasingly.

"i guess, i really just wanted to say i'm sorry for how i behaved the other night when i was drunk. you shouldn't of had to deal with that." he frowned, poking at his dinner.

you furrowed your brows, "it's seriously fine yeosang." you took a bite of pasta, "i was just surprised to see you drunk, since you never drink."

he chuckled, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth, "actually, i do. i just never drink when you're there."

"really? why?" you questioned, eating another mouthful of pasta.

"because..." he paused. "no, it sounds dumb out loud."

"it's okay, you don't have to explain yourself." you smiled warmly, "but that does remind me to ask... do you remember anything you said to me while you were drunk?" you leant forward, genuinely curious.

he sighed, "i remember.. enough."

"you don't really hate me, right?" you asked, playing with the food on your plate.

"of course not! that's why i invited you here tonight. to show you that i don't, and to make it up to you." he had to refrain from reaching across to hold your hand, just to show how much he cared that little bit more.

you nodded, "well, thats good. i was kinda worried that we'd gone back to square one."

comfort settled within you. it was relieving to know you weren't hated by the one person whose love you wanted most. a tiny thought crept into your mind, maybe, just maybe, now would be the right time to tell him about your blossoming feelings for him. or would that confuse him more? now you were the one feeling conflicted.

"are you finished eating?" he asked, reaching for your empty plate.

"yes, thank you! it was delicious. you're a good cook, y'know."

"ah, thanks y/n." he turned away to hide the blush appearing on his cheeks.

"would you like me to do the dishes? since you cooked." you offered, standing up. but he quickly opposed.

"don't be ridiculous." he shooed you back to your seat. "can i get you a coffee? water? wine?"

"a coffee sounds good, i think you and i have had too many drunken situations lately." you laughed.

yeosang pulled out two mugs and put the kettle on. he felt your eyes carefully watching him. once again, he hated the feeling that was pulling at his heart. the way you could say nothing, yet he felt everything.

"can i tell you something?" you asked, voice now quieter and more hesitant.

"sure, what is it?" he said, placing a warm cup of coffee in front of you.

you took a sip, humming in delight. it was exactly the way you liked it. when the two of you went out for coffee, he had unintentionally remembered just the way you like it.

"well," you began cautiously, in case you brought this situation into flames again. "i just... i always wondered why you didn't like me. if i was doing something wrong, if i said something once that really upset you. and then after we started spending time together, i finally felt like i was doing the right thing." you groaned, frustrated with yourself for not getting to the point quicker. "what i'm trying to say is that i have feelings for you. it's okay if you don't feel the same way. i wouldn't expect you to, i just thought you should know—"

yeosang basically choked on his coffee, eyes widening in shock. "it's okay, y/n! in case you hadn't noticed, i'm crazy about you."

you had continued to ramble nervously before hearing what he said.

"wait. you are?"

"basically ever since you said that thing about stars in my eyes, yes."

you cringed, remembering how you had said that so absent minded. "yeah, sorry about that."

"it's okay, it was cute. and what did i say about apologising?"

you shook your head and smiled, "i know."

————————

ever since the two of you confessed to each other, you had been almost inseparable, except of course when you had work. but he dropped you home most nights, even though you insisted it was okay and that you could walk. he came over every weekend just to spend time with you, even if the two of you just sat and talked, enjoying each other's company. you'd been dating for a few weeks now, but kept it undercover, not wanting to suffer the incessant questioning that would come if you told your friends.

it didn't go unnoticed either, wooyoung and san were constantly nagging yeosang about why the two of you spent so much time together, and each time he just shrugged it off.

christmas was just around the corner, so you were spending the evening at seonghwa's and hongjoong's house, who of course, were throwing an unnecessarily large house party to celebrate.

you were sat between a very drunk yunho and mingi, who were trying to talk to an also very drunk jongho. you eyed your boyfriend from across the room, as if asking for a way out and he just laughed at the situation you were stuck in.

after at least ten minutes more of having your ear talked off, yeosang came to pull you away to the dance floor.

"care to dance?" he asked, extending his hand to you.

you immediately jumped up, latching onto his hand, "i would love to!"

he chuckled, pulling you close to his side and leading you to the makeshift dance floor that seonghwa and hongjoong created.

the two of you laughed at the boys' reaction. they were completely shocked to see the two of you so close together and yeosang being friendly.

he twirled you around a few times with the music, before settling his arms around your waist. he brought you near to him as you placed your arms behind his neck. you swayed back and forth, engulfed in your own little bubble of comfort in each other's arms, completely out of time with the loud thumping music that blared around you.

you felt content, and yeosang no longer felt confused. he found his home in your arms and his happiness.

you reached up to place your lips on his, capturing the moment surrounding you. yeosang melted into the kiss, discovering that your lips were soft and sweet against his, just as he had imagined, which caused his knees to feel weak and his heart to skip more than just one beat. he never wanted to let you go, he wanted to compensate for every second that he didn't spend with you since the two of you met.

he leaned forward and whispered softly, just so you could hear above all the music and singing, "lets stay like this forever."

[mangozcat]

genre — fluff

a/n — this is my first ever reaction so i apologize if it’s not the best! trying to expand my writing abilities! happy thanksgiving <3 def not 100% accurate at all but i had fun writing them this way

your first thanksgiving together with nct dream

jaemin

jaemin loved spending time with you. since the two of you began dating, he was dedicated to making cutesy dates and dinner plans. despite the fact that he was always busy, jaemin somehow always made the time to spend a few hours with you. whether it was with his arms wrapped comfortingly around your stomach as the two of you watched tv, or with you in his lap with your lips hungrily attached to his.

thanksgiving was no different. since he was in a group, the two of you ate with them, but he was always right by your side, glued to you. if you asked someone to pass the salt, he was eager to grab it first, just to please you. if you needed a refill, he jumped at the chance to help, and you found it sweet.

when you had food on your face, jaemin would just stare, making you a bit curious and start rubbing at random parts of your face. “do I have something on my face?” you’d ask, licking at your lips in the hopes of getting it off. even if you got it, he’d murmur a quiet yes as an excuse to rub his thumb gently across your lip.

you rolled your eyes at his antics, but you still pulled him into a short and sweet kiss, making him smile. after the dinner, jaemin would sneak you away to his room, where you’d watch movies and get lost in the taste of each other.

haechan

during thanksgiving, which was one of haechan’s favorite holidays because of all the food, he was always busy stuffing his tummy full of food. he’d have your chair pulled a bit closer to his, with one of his arms tossed across the back of your chair, all while he babbled mindlessly to his friends.

several times did you tell him to have manners, and haechan would only smile and kiss your cheek, continuing to converse loudly. when you had to get up and go to the bathroom, haechan immediately noticed and turned his attention to you, following you around like a puppy.

he would whine when you had to go in, and lean his head against the wall beside the door and wait for you to come out. as soon as you left, he’d pull you into an embrace, telling you how much he missed you. you’d tsk and call him clingy, to which he’d nod.

“I’m only clingy with you,” he whispered, dotting your face with small little kisses. he’d teasingly pepper your nose and your cheeks, avoiding your lips until you got tired of it and forced him to kiss you properly.

jeno

jeno was always perfecting his skills. he was a workaholic in a sense.

even while everyone else was downstairs eating, he’d be in his room listening to his own vocals and seeing if there was room for improvement. he’d jot down little notes on a pad of paper and nod to his own thoughts. one clip after another, he’d criticize every little mistake he made.

after he got frustrated with himself over and over, you figured he’d spent enough time to himself. tugging at his arm, you’d force his attention to you. “let’s go eat with the others,” you told him, sending him a sweet smile and cupping his face. he looked tired and drained, and you assumed he really needed the break.

“it’ll make you feel better,” you told him, giving him a little peck. he shrugged, reluctantly leaving behind his computer and notepad. before the two of you left the room, jeno tugged you back to him. he took you into a warm hug, burying his head in your shoulder.

“can we just cuddle?” he’d murmured against your skin. “we can eat later, right?”

you nodded at the boy, pulling him into his bed.

renjun

renjun was the oddball.

he wasn’t a big fan of thanksgiving. instead of eating with the group, he preferred to stay in his room and read, or browse on his phone. you understood this much about him, and you never pressed for more, though you did wander downstairs and grab a bite to eat so you weren’t hungry.

the two of you would just play games on the computer or watch tv together. when you got bored, you’d switch to watching a movie or debating on what couples looked better together. you’d read the comments of videos, or browse the web for cute pictures fans had captured of you together.

renjun would just hum, pointing to his favorite picture, and say, “I think you look really cute here.” then he’d point to another, and another, and another, all while saying the same thing over and over again. “in conclusion, I think you look cute in every picture.”

then he’d grab your face, smiling at you, “but you look even cuter in person.”

chenle

chenle was too sweet for his own good. he was such a cutie, and you loved him so much. when thanksgiving finally rolled around, he’d wake you up with a phone call. you’d be angry that someone disturbed your sleep, but his words would make up for it.

“sorry, beautiful,” he’d say, giggling cutely to himself. then he’d tell you good morning and give you some time to wake up before breaking the news. “I made plans for the two of us. I was thinking... maybe the two of us could celebrate together.”

“oh?” you’d hum as you get ready, wandering to the bathroom.

“yeah!’ he exclaimed. you could almost see the big smile on his face, a beaming kind of smile that made your heart flutter. “I told the boys I had plans this thanksgiving, so I hope you don’t have anything planned. I couldn’t imagine spending thanksgiving with anyone other than you.”

you just smiled, “what time?”

jisung

your boyfriend was shy. he was a sweet and adorable soul, but he practically melted under everyone’s gaze. during the entire celebration, jisung’s hand would be in yours, and his eyes would dart between you and everyone else. you’d squeeze his hand comfortingly, making him grin.

his friends always teased him about you, so he was happy to finally have a holiday where everyone’s mouths were too full to actually make fun of him. he would peacefully enjoy his food, making small talk with you. if you got up for any reason, he’d excuse himself and follow after you.

when you found yourself in the kitchen, refilling your drink, you’d turn to meet eyes with jisung. he’d immediately blush, looking down at the ground while he played with his fingers. you’d chuckled and pull him to you, squeezing his shoulders while you gave him a warm hug.

“just didn’t wanna be without you...” he murmured quietly.