#I owe my friend something
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Due to reasons, I was a little loopy after a minor procedure on Wednesday. Friend who came to pick me up let me crash at her house for a bit to sleep it off. I kept randomly waking up and would say a couple things before going right back asleep. I’m notoriously bad at coming out of the effects of those meds so that’s not uncommon for me. Here is what I remember.
Friend: do you want ice cream cake? Me: Yes
Friend’s sister is over and talking about medicine: this has no permanent side effects. Me (who is a pharmacist): that’s not true. Friend’s sister: I thought it was Me: Nope
Friend hands me a chocolate valentine’s rose: happy valentine’s day! Me: that was Tuesday. Friend: do you want it or not? Me: yes. Thank you
I distinctly remember attempting to sit up, deciding it was too painful and laying right back down.
and according to friend, I fell asleep the first time mid-sentence. I also have a memory of her adjusting the blanket I was using
Edit: OH! As a bonus, the doctor was asking me if I was nervous or anything. I looked at her and went: “I really wish the Xanax would start working, cuz I don’t think they are.”
I know I took the anxiety meds. I don’t think they actually worked on me.
#I seriously didn't feel the full effects of everything until I was able to relax at her house#Fun random things with Goshi#I'm doing fine#I'm just sore#I owe my friend something#I don't know what yet
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i think we all know who the REAL star of season 3 is
i'm making a vague attempt to pace out this season by doing a drawing after each episode, so anyway here's my new fave character
#rip to my friend and brother who had to hear me start screaming with delight 5 minutes in when this guy showed up#THEY BROUGHT BACK MY BOY#I MEAN ITS A DIFFERENT ONE AND ITS A GIRL BUT ITS STILL THE DIRT GUYS. THANK YOU#whoever on the creative team made this decision i owe you my life#these guys are animated in the most delightful way and i love them#hilda spoilers#hilda season 3#hilda season 3 spoilers#season 3 spoilers#hilda s3 spoilers#is that enough spoilers tags#yeah this is my fanart for episode 1. did something happen in that ep i was too busy looking at the creature of all time#jk i loved the episode so much. everyone better be so grateful that i chose not to draw the thing instead for this post i love himb#s3 is knocking it out of the park with funky little guys#hilda the series#hilda netflix#stray sod#hilda loam#art tag
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Pokemon trainer AU, Reborn is the champion meanwhile Tsuna is his apprentice. Tsuna’s design belongs to my friend @Cloud_Knee (Twt or X)
#katekyo hitman reborn#r27#sawada tsunayoshi#reborn#my friend and i discussed about which pokemon would be in their team. eevee and umbreon was ther for their similar looks to r27 lol#flygon is a good candidate bc yk. leon. and for tsuna suprisingly we liked the idea of meloetta (bc meloetta has two forms like how tsuna-#-has his normal vibe and his dying will mode)#for reborn we thought of him having a liking for bug types bc of his bug communication skills. like his seasonal bug thing#we also thought of lore for a whole game which was heavily based on pokemon mystery dungeon bc we wanted death (future arc spoilers oof)#but general beginning plot is: tsuna dislikes having pokemon battles so all his pokemons are non-combat#- somehow he meets reborn (? idk maybe bro trips and got silly and he now owes reborn something). and reborn then seeing how close-minded-#tsuna is he decided to accept tsuna as his apprentice so he finally gets it#we discussed about tsuna also seeing reborn often at a lot of places but never got in contact (bc we thought of him living on a mountain idk#like how everyone cant see through reborn’s disguises but he can. so he’ll just see him around (bc reborn is hiding himself from the public)#as a champion. yeah#yeah thats about it i think. ive forgotten most of our ideas dkdgkgfhfhfj maybe another time
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does the Fresh in this multiverse have a different view on drugs than his original counterpart?
- ALT - FRESH: Heck yeah I do!
FRESH (OG)
NO DRUGS!!
Pet furby
Existential crisis
Gender depends on body
FRESH (DRUGGIEVERSE)
Don't abuse drugs!
Pet Tomodachi
LSD Makes it worse
GENDERFLUID!!
- Extra ALT - FRESH: Also brah I'm like everyone uber driver or whatev's FRESH: P chill honestly FRESH: Mostly for PJ n Grad's tho, cuz they gots school in stuffs :P
- IDK - I was contemplating on adding drawing's to "Extra ALT" but TBH it didn't make sense cuz it wasn't related to the ask, so if there's any extra info a character might say but isn't related to the as i'll just add an "Extra ALT" for funs -w-
MAIN: @inkyu
Back | Start | Next
#Character Ask#I would've finished this on the 23rd but something came up and I got super heated and needed a break#this isn't targeted at you asker this is targeted at someone in me and others DNI (feel free to ignore/please ignore)#When we say “DNI” it means DO NOT FUCKING INTERACT#I get it you miss your friends but we left your for a REASON!! WHY WON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DID WRONG!! 😭#It's annoying to me how much this person just won't accept the fact that none of us want anything to do with them#I only talked to them again ONCE because I felt like I owed them but that was just my BPD and them being my favorite person talking and jus#I think I might've made them think they have a chance at talking it out with everyone (they aren't my FP anymore btw and I'm glad they aren#but yeah in short something came up and I got super heated to the point I needed to take a break from anything to calm down#tag time ig#ask the druggieverse#atdv#fresh sans#fresh#fanart#undertale au#utau#undertale multiverse#utmv#undertale
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I think what might actually help the families of trans loved ones is to actually engage with where the trans person is at - especially if the family isn't quite understanding yet. When I came out, I was completely alone in figuring out my manhood. I had peers and I had exposed myself to so many trans people who explored gender, and while it was amazing, it isn't quite the same at times. I grieve quietly, sometimes, about all the missed opportunities that might have just made it easier for my family to have seen how utterly happy I was. It took them a very long time to actually notice that I was happy, especially once I got on testosterone. I'm lucky that they saw that happiness eventually, and slowly accepted it. My manhood is completely detached from their influence, both to my relief and chagrin. It's sad to me that I learned to shave from a kind online stranger, somebody who didn't even have a father and yet, I do. I have a father. I grieve at the loss of a potential shared experience. I grieve about the pain I went through when I was in that stage of transition, especially because it was raw and vulnerable. I grieve that many trans people today are traversing the path I had to, because it's sometimes lonely (even when you do have other forms of support).
It's hard to know that I will never have gotten my sense of being from my family. In many ways, it has severed a lot of connection with them because there were so many times that I was begging them to see happiness when they were focused on the idea that I was almost in a state of purgatory - flesh which felt warm but held no familiarity to them. I don't harbor ill-will toward them, I hope I don't leave the impression that I despise them. I understand what they felt, even if I can't conceptualize it myself. However, it's a raw wound in my heart, and I don't want to leave anybody else feeling that way, either.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#ally advice#i'm thankful that my manhood is the way it is. but it was a painful journey to get here and i did it partially alone#i absolutely am grateful to have had my friends and the trans people who made themselves known though. i owe these people my life#i still think it's not unreasonable to have wished for my /family/ to have been part of that journey sooner especially when i was young#sometimes it seems like parents who believe their child has died after they express their transness make that a self-fulfilling prophecy...#...in that the parent often aloenates themself/themselves from their child in a variety of ways...#...i was alienated from my dad when he threatened my transition - it became a self-fulfilling prophecy in that i shut myself down...#...i retreated inward and in a way became a ghost - corporeal to the touch but a spirit who may not be seen...#...in many ways i felt in limbo between life and death. it was a cycle of purgatory#and that is something i think is best avoided. it's lonely and scary and it makes it hard to imagine a future#i need to emphasize that even though this was shitty i am still lucky in so many ways#i just faced a lot of undue shit even so - shit i don't think was conducive to a good environment or well-being
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They're soulmates in every single universe and I miss them at the most random times.
#my characters#haha funny thing is that venus doesnt even exist in base plot she is ONLY for AUs#in base plot ego the ginger guy is a prince and serenity the navy haired guy is an energy alien#and serenity takes on the form of a human to be fake engaged to ego and its never meant to actually end up with them married#but serenity falls in love with the prince and feels immense guilt when they meet up#and then ego is like HAHA YEAH my life is the greatest cause i get to marry my best friend but technically youre best friend by default#since i have zero other friends because i cannot leave the castle which kinda sucks but whatever#and serenity can give his life force to others to keep them healthy and usually stops by to heal egos younger brother#so he looks tired a lot bc he is depleting his own life to help others#and and in au versions hes just chronically tired and very much in love with ego who is completely oblivious#and half the time they (bc theyre mine) are pining mutually thinking ahaha theres no WAY hed like me#or in egos case a lot of the time in the au its what if he only likes me cause i spoil him rotten bc im super wealthy and i love gifting#and serenity ! in base plot since he is an alien from like... space.... basically... another realm#he resides with another royal family in a different kingdom and the king there treats him like a son#which plays into the au versions where serenity is adopted and he just really loves his dad a lot#like really admires the man who adopted him and raised him as a single father who almost always has a connection to egos dad since#in base theyre just two kings being buddies and trying to get good relations between their kingdoms#but anyway ego is one of the few ocs i have that will actively say#I LOVE YOU SO MUCH : D very openly and i love that for him??#not a lot of my ocs will be that open about their feelings but ego is very good at communication and talking and stuff#compared to serenity who is an alien who doesnt even have to talk where he originated bc the aliens are just blue energy blobs#and they sense each other and communicate silently#so making him take a human form is like MMMM not sure how to interact like a normal human tbh#i owe art to one person then i am able to get back to indulgent stuff for me and reqs and stuff#this was just so i had something to post today since idk if the art i owe someone will be cool to post or not
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on sharing creative work with people who get it.
[ID: A comic in a simple art style, featuring two people drawn in black and white: a person with short hair and round glasses (the author), and a person with short hair, square glasses, and a possum on their head (their friend). The first row has 3 square panels: The author types at a laptop. The laptop screen, with a page full of words is shown. They stare at it, going "hm…" Then, there are closeups: Their face as they look away with a frown, and their hand as they go to close the laptop, a little burst of yellow with the word "pop!" appearing behind them. It zooms out to them, with the laptop half closed, looking surprised at their friend, who has popped into existence grinning behind them. Three more square panels: Their friend leans forward, pointing at the laptop, as the author looks confused, still. They open the screen and look at what their friend is pointing at, their friend saying "!!". Then, there's a closeup of just their friend, staring forward with a smile, with a speech bubble with a bright pink heart in it. The next panel is longer, as the author and their friend begin to talk back and forth. Their friend's first speech bubble has "!!", with some yellow popping around it, and then the rest of their speech bubbles are big and filled with bright colors. The author responds in small speech bubbles, all empty save for a pair of round glasses in the corner to indicate who is speaking. In the bottom corner is a speech bubble from the author that reads "..." Next are two smaller panels, stacked on top of each other. The author speaks, and this time their speech bubble is filled with partially desaturated color that becomes pink to one side. The friend responds, in bright pink, as the author smiles slightly. The next panel doesn't have a border. The author and their friend talk in the bottom left corner, a cloud of intertwining speech bubbles coming from them. The speech bubbles are painted across in a rainbow of bright colors that extend beyond the borders. They're both smiling as they talk. Below this are two thinner panels, both closeups of the friend as they continue to talk and gesture, brightly-colored speech bubbles behind them. Then, in a wider panel, the friend points back to the computer screen, still speaking with colorful bubbles, as the author nods and follows their gaze. The last row has 3 square panels. The author stares at the screen in surprise, then smiles with teary eyes, touched. The last panel shows the laptop screen again, the same document this time painted with bright colors behind the words. below this panel is the word "end."]
(split into two panels under the cut just in case tumblr kills the quality)
[ID: The same comic, now split into two images before the large colorful panel full of speech bubbles.]
#han doodles#i made this in response to a wave of overwhelming kindness from a friend#(hi anethia ily)#i've been very lucky to have met some very good friends#and i think it's. it's a wonderful and special feeling to find people who see value in your work that you might not be able to#if you have ever been kind to me about something i've created#thank you#i owe you my life#this is like an @ mention (figuratively i didn't ping them) to anethia#and also a subtweet to a lot of very wonderful people who i have the joy of being friends with
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Ow oof ouch my feelings (did extensive research and editing on a long-term project for someone with whom I've collaborated closely for years and am not even in the acknowledgements, although I know what academia is like and didn't expect to be in the first place) (it's not a personal slight but still ow oof ouch my feelings and ow oof ouch all my uncredited work lol)
#Ow my pride ow my sense of professional Something but mostly just ow my feelings#The reaction is first and foremost adolescent and I will acknowledge that lol#My feelings hort#Reading the acknowledgements like did our situationship (me editing this book) mean nothing lmfaoooooo#Honestly it horts my feelings because I have now had other experience with personal/professional relationships#Where I do research or editing or translation for friends#And they do like. Credit me for my work lol#Feelings!!! Hurt!!! Bad!!!!#Book still very good though!!!!!!#Gotta send a congrats text like for real the book is great I'm just a histrionic baby lol#[No Bless Yous For Giacomo voice] No Editing Credits For Raya?!
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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Firm believer that all us Overwatch players on tumblr should have our own tag for finding other lore fanatics to play with
#like#overwatching with friends#or something stupid#I need to rant about about my love for Junkrat while obliterating other players#with MORE PEEPS#pats Sheeperzzz on the head#mi bestie#I will add to our dumbass numbers#Overwatch#overwatch 2#Overwatch2#OW#OW2
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more morning thoughts. i also did not expect to make as many friends as i have over the past year living in michigan. i have my inner circle of my former coworkers and best friends who i see weekly, and a looser web of friends and acquaintances and friends-of-friends that i see less often. i think this is because 1. most of the people i have become fast friends with are also neurodivergent and operate on a similar wavelength and 2. i just walk up to people and start talking. i am, as my friends describe, a "social butterfly," which is shocking because i used to be a complete and total hermit. zero offline friends, and it was hard to keep ones i met. i owe coming out of my shell to my time in dinner theatre, where my circle of friends there got me out of the house and into the world. traveling on my own too helped so much. when i got to visit a dear friend in california, it was my first time traveling by plane, and it instilled a lot of confidence (despite some hiccups at the atlanta airport in which i missed my flight because i had somehow accidentally made my way out of the security area. a kind stranger saw me upset and helped me find a staff member, who then reassured me that everything was going to be okay and passed me onto a flight attendant, who then helped me get onto the next plane. a beautiful chain of kind strangers.) but anyways, another story for another time. my grandma also says i never meet a stranger. the more i think about it the more true it feels. i go to the bar every once in a while, and every time i do, i end up talking to someone new. i compliment people's outfits, i offer a light or a cigarette to those who need it, i am always on the look out for anyone who's having a rough night and needs a kind word, and all of these invite conversation. i've made many acquaintances this way, people who remember my face and think of me fondly. people who i can rely on to keep an eye out for danger, who will watch my back on nights out. it feels very good to know that people genuinely consider me a pleasant person to be around. i didn't know what kind of person i would grow to become living independently, but i have come to find out people consider me kind and reliable. i was told my whole life i was a terrible person, manipulative and selfish and cruel, but i know now i am the total opposite. my parents just sucked the life out of me. many such cases. anyways, i have been reflecting a lot on the past year. i am very thankful for the person i have grown to become, and look forward to seeing what my future is like now that i have a future. i am also thankful for the many many friends who have supported me along the way. i wouldn't be where i am without the people in my life who have helped me get my life truly started.
#thoughts#i think i owe a lot of it to trying to remind myself to be humble.#i always remind myself i am a faceted human being with both good and bad qualities. the bad qualities i reflect on.#i try to be gentle with myself. i try very hard not to compromise my beliefs#but i also try very hard not to be stubborn when i can tell i'm wrong#and i also remind myself i am very young in comparison. i can be reckless and impulsive. and i can be in the wrong! i often am!#i have my own set of morals and beliefs that i stick to. some things i adapt and change as i learn more#about the wider mechanisms of the world. i'm not perfect because i'm not the most educated but i am always willing to listen and learn.#and admit when i am out of my depth and incorrect about something.#i also hate to accidentally hurt people so i'm always willing to take honest criticism. i might be upset receiving it#but i care more about hurting my friends on accident#and i hope if i step out of line there will be people to correct me. i want nothing more in the world than people who are honest with me#anyways. good morning
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orv is making me feel like I've been put in a food processor so I'm coping by constructing the kimcom polycule configurations in my brain
#orv liveblog#i just finished the Twist arc :( ow :(#anyway my thoughts on the kimcom polycule#obviously i believe in yoohankim rights#but i think kdj also has some qpr stuff going on with other people too#like with jhw. what is being someone's brave and loyal sword if not being in a qpr#and kdj and yoo sangah definitely have some secret third thing going on. their relationship is beyond categories#coworkers to friends to headmates to ???#jhw and lhs are like. an m/f couple that has something inherently queer going on with them#is it because jhw is a butch bisexual? is it because they were old man yaoi in another lifetime? unclear#and that's just the romantic and queerplatonic things i think are going on#there's also all the found family stuff going on#like the kids!#obviously kdj is their favorite but i think they are collectively the kimcom children. like everyone is raising them#lee jihye is definitely their big sister. that's just how she's been for years now#biyoo is of course kdj's baby. and bihyoung's too lol#yjh is biyoo's stepdad lmao#and then we've got the extended older generation#kdj's mom and persephone (mom 2) and hades#breaking the sky sword saint for yjh's side of things and however the hell kyrgios fits into things#i love you kimcom..... big extended network of people who love each other in complicated ways
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truly cursed posts/knowledge that you are immediately inclined to share with your friends are real life stack markers. the psychic damage they inflict is so high that you need other people to help you survive it. and sometimes you have to run the stack marker over them to make that happen
#I owe one of my friends a third apology today#but I took myself out in the process#😔#ffxivmp#mp#now I'm thinking about that video of the healer rescuing their buddy into an incoming train in paradigms breach and then escaping#that's like seeing a link to something you KNOW is deeply cursed and sending the link to a friend without opening it#also that video was a work of art I often think of it
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no cos not to be personal on main but I got the stuff from the fools gold kickstarter a few days ago and I’ve been going thru the book & like . I’ve been dealing lately with the fact that there’s a solid suspicion (from both friends & my therapist) that I may be bipolar which has been causing a lot of anxiety in me as of late and when I started reading the fools gold campaign setting & read the bit abt dingo being bipolar and having been struggling w that when playing sips . Straight up cried in the Barnes and noble I hope dingo knows how important and comforting it was to me it was that she mentioned that
#There’s nothing wrong w being bipolar but it’s a scary thing to be diagnosed w smthn new yk esp smthn so stigmatized#It’s just been frightening and stressful and when I read that it was like. Oh!#Something very comforting abt realizing I may share smthn that I’ve found to be a little scary in common w someone I rlly look up to -#- and have such respect for#not to get personal on tumblr dot com. I like to do that once in a blue moon#Anyways dingo doodles I owe you my life . And also the other stuff I got in this package was sick as fuck#Immensely excited over the Xanu dice#dingo doodles#fools gold#fools gold dnd#My post#Rambling#personal post#Irl friends slash mutuals ignore me pls
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ghosting someone after a date is something like wildly unfathomable to me which is why i’m still kinda like…. ouchie ow owie over it a couple months later like what do u MEAN??? how can u do that to someone so casually idk maybe i’m too sensitive but how can u treat people u have met so disposably (not a word)
#like its not even about the person who did it to me its just like huh????????????? my brain does not comprehend how u could do it and not#feel guilty forever. i don’t think i’m made 4 dating like just tell me straight up and i’ll be okay with it now i’m just like ?????????????#and i know theres not something i did to ‘justify’ it like idt its rly justified ever unless the person is a genuine threat but its like ?#??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#like ‘nobody owes anyone anything’ but like why do u only do things if u think ur obligated to cause u owe it to them just be a decent pers#woke up at 7:40 am after a weird dream ignore me#my friends keep telling me that i gotta get used to it but like…… 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 why cant people just be decent
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Here's an idea for the michie enjoyers.
Last resorts.
Like.
Prom time is coming around and Max needs a date because duh doy he's the quarterback of course he does. But he either procrastinates or only asks grace - to which she declined thanks to bla bla bla plot - and ends up with noone.
Everyone else on the cheer team has already paired up with their respective partners. He's solo.
But turning up alone is worse than every other option. So he works his way down the chain of order.
Somehow everyone else has a date.
He ends up on the nerds.
He already knows Steph is going with Spankoffski - she was his first choice for friends to go with.
Pj and Reese are going together.
Even Ruth is going with someone.
Which leaves Richie.
It's not like he has anything personal against Richie. He's just sort of. Weird.
#michie#yall are free to take this and run my brain figuratively died at the end there just no more thoughts#a few smaller concepts i had were like#richie has to go to a math event out of Hatchetfield but the other nerds are busy so last resort asking max because he can drive#or max does something probably borderline illegal and richie is the last resort to cover for him because he's the closest house to whatever#add in childhood friends and youve got the reason they do all of these despite their different social status;#they almost feel like they owe it to one another#i love how i say my brain figuratively died and then these tags exist#why do tags help me get the ideas out better huh?
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