#I only have internet friends
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My computer mouse broke a while ago, and I'm very upset I bought a new one, but I can't draw straight lines with it; for whatever reason it keeps arcing and curving which is a no-go for what I do. I need to have very steady lines for tuning and drawing, this new mouse doesn't allow for that, and I'm very upset. I can't do the only things that make me happy now :( Ever since my hand started shaking and my hearing's been messy, traditional art and melody making have kinda sucked,, and now you're telling me digital art and tuning is now not possible? I enjoy writing, but my cognitive abilities have been getting worse, too. So that's only an option sometimes Drawing was one of the few things I could do when shaky and unwell, and life took that from me now too via mouse death?! c'mon now
#I'm being a baby#But you have to remember I can't leave my house#I only have internet friends#And online hobbies due to reasons#I get very sad due to this#I am very isolated and lonely but working on projects and sharing them helps a lot#Helps me connect and feel real#And everyday little by little creation gets taken from me#I'm very sad#re-blog#Vent#Kal's log
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my hope, my star
#my art#my ocs#hope#THIS STARTED ONLY AS A SKETCH AND THEN I GOT KIND OF CARRIES AWAY :BLUSH:#my friend mentioned hopes design had big princess tutu energy and i cant unsee it now My heart is so full#i definitely have to check it out when i have the time t_t#i really do love the ballerina imagery for hope and i think it really matches her :pleading:#carried* man ill never stop making typos however long ill be on the internet :pensive:#SORRY I KEEP MAKING A GAJILLION OF EDITS ON THIS SLKJDFHSF
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rewatched Kurogiri's holiday story from ultra impact (not related to sketch at all)
(but it did inspire me)
on another note
finally!!
#fanart#sketch#my art#bnha#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#kurogiri#I cried a bit while playing it I missed the classic LoV I missed Kurogiri WITH the LoV it's been so long :(#and it feels like last chapter (423 atm) broke the seal of sketching them as anything but something static#it took me two or so days to just understand that Kurogiri is... yeah#I can't believe it took Horikoshi so long to bring him back but as I said and will say it again I glad it happened at all#after some thought I just want to sit with the chapters#anyway getting the preordered book was so much fun#it was full of LoV from Toga and Dabi talking about her house to Tenko being upset over being told that he doesn't have friends#and everything in-between basically only Compress left to join in the next volume#I think????#I actually want to get another one already they're so goodddd#and the translation sounds pretty good but I checked some pages not the whole book it'll be boring#it's actually so weird to think that I started a goal of reading the whole series ad it was now officially coming out like this back in 201#and now it's 2024 and the translation is pretty much ahead of anime and maybe it'll be faster than viz volumes too#since it's 2 in 1 basically - I think it's really great since I save some money but get LoV chapters every time#because they appear every 2 books at the start of the series and back then it was hard for me to get them#but I felt content seeing all the books that I bought when I was visiting family for holidays this month because there are so many of them#and I don't need any wi-fi or internet in general to read them back to back now with an addictional volume#they have some mistakes but I don't mind them it feels good to just hold all of them (and a bit heavy after like 8 books) and now it's 18
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gonna be real with you guys, i'm increasingly entertaining the idea that luigi didn't actually do it
#there's a few reasons but one of them is given the number of nypd security cameras currently all over nyc#(which i know for a fact exist bc my friend at the da's office watches footage from a lot of them as part of her job)#idk how the only images they could get of him were those two jank ones from the coffee shop and the hostel#NEITHER of which really look like each other and frankly don't really look like the pics of luigi that have come out since#which is kind of insane actually considering the number of luigi pics that are currently circulating on the internet#another thing i think is weird is that before they caught him#the nypd was like “we have the name of the assassin but we won't release it bc it would give him an advantage”#which seems crazy bc if they knew it was in fact luigi idk how getting his name out to the press#would have given him that much of an advantage#like.......maybe they were bluffing bc they didn't actually HAVE a name.....? idk man#the whole thing is weird to me and it frankly gets weirder the longer i think about it
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Hi if you have a Dropout subscription, you need to watch From Ally to Zacky right now. It is so damn funny.
At one point, I was laughing so hard at a joke Ally made I missed several minutes of it and had to rewind.
If you need to laugh or smile, I cannot more highly recommend it.
#kai rambles#dropout#from ally to zacky#ally beardsley#zac oyama#talia tabin#victoria longwell#jacob wysocki#oscar montoya#kimia behpoornia#devin field#im half debating whether id share my dropout login with someone because on one hand dropout is cool with it and i just think more people#should watch their stuff but on the other im like the only people id be sharing it with would be internet friends and like i dont want to#dox myself. granted nowehere in my account do i have my legal name listed#i guess it would depend on who ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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'its just IMPOSSIBLE to not be addicted to your phone nowadays its UNREALISTIC-'
heres some advice to being less chronically online. for gen z (and younger??) who dont even know how to start thinking about it and have only heard shitty advice from older adults who just genuinely do not get it, from a fellow gen z and my experiences so far.
*these are personal and may not all 100% resonate but its still good prompting to start thinking about things! PLEASE feel free to add your own stories/advice in the notes! support your fellow humans, dont gatekeep what youve learned, lets have these conversations! and no negativity/pessimism please <3
first thing is to make it a less scary thought, a more concrete idea and not a hypothetical. it doesnt have to be all-or-nothing, cold turkey, a huge announcement and a fundamental shift in your personality. the internet will be in your life for the rest of your life, this is an ongoing relationship you are trying to make healthier thats all! and it takes one step at a time and some self-compassion, but a true effort nonetheless. 'dont you think thats a bit too serious-' if youre my age you quite literally grew up and developed online, it is literally part of your psyche the way your childhood is, it IS serious, you deserve to treat it seriously.
dont save your login info/dont stay logged in for social media accounts, having to manually log in when you want to go on like youre on some elementary school chrome book is a really healthy and clear boundary to have between being logged off and logged on.
-> bigger challenge - uninstall it on your phone in general, only log on on your laptop/pc if applicable for you!
if youre motivated to, try to work on your posture too. i only say that because most of our bad posture is at least partially related to being on our phones a lot, and when i started wanting to fix my posture, completely separately and unrelated from trying to break my phone addiction, it made it easier to lose interest in my phone since i didnt want to ruin my progress with my posture. it made me start to have a mindset like 'well if you cant do this on your phone with good posture then dont do it' and 'if youre on your phone so long your posture starts to cave in, youve probably spent too long on your phone anyway'
listen to music more. its easier for me to kinda write off my phone and do other things if i just open music or a podcast or long youtube video on it. i know we all love long video essays, but i recommend music more specifically for me at least because im less inclined to pause music or scroll while listening to it for some reason? whereas using a show or video or podcast for white noise, im way more likely to also be scrolling on my phone and that is my activity lol. music for some reason i dont want to interrupt and instead of being on my phone i can clean or do something productive on my computer etc
this one is sooo hard but try to fall asleep with some distance between you and your phone, even just a couple feet. mine stays on the desk next to my bed which isnt that far but its better than on bed like it used to be. when you wake up you probably wont feel like reaching for it right away if its far and even better if you have to get up for it because then at least you stand and move your body first thing instead of looking at your phone first thing. and try to get more and more of your morning routine done before touching your phone over time.
-> for me, i started by just trying to at least wake up a bit in bed before touching it, then stand up before touching it, then stand and stretch, then going to the bathroom first, making coffee first, feeding the cat first, etc. its surprisingly helpful to have a specific chore/task in mind that is The requirement so that everytime you do it you get a lil dopamine rush for unlocking your phone from yourself lmao. when the weather was nice i used to make my Requirement being outside first before going on it and i LOVED that. esp as it got easier and i started doing more and more before going on it and finally walking outside with coffee and my phone felt like such a pleasant little reward.
find a hobby that uses your hands. example: i really need to get back into knitting because when i did it regularly so much time that wouldve been on my phone was spent knitting with music/podcasts/shows/(even online lectures! when i felt productive lol) playing. its the same amount of physical relaxing - barely moving lol - but uses a longer attention span and a much better dopamine hit than scrolling, i literally MADE things.
-> you might be thinking, 'but mindless knitting isnt better than mindless scrolling is it?' but that mindless feeling on your phone is just that, mindless. the mindless feeling you get when doing something like knitting is actually closer to a flow state, which is actually incredibly good for you, like a fulfilling nutritious meal as opposed to 'empty calories' or whatever
get a widget for your homescreen that shows your screen time. i have one and of course it doesnt always stop me but seeing that time go up all day the more i use it and the pride of keeping it low is really helpful
practice grounding. in general.
spend more time on anonymous activities and have more privacy and less attachment with your 'persona' - what i mean by that is, i consider things like scrolling through tumblr (for me personally!) to be relatively harmless because i dont try to like,, brand myself here. if youre a tumblr regular you know the jokes - 0 follows, 0 notes, screaming to the void, moots you dont talk to, blorbo pfp and urls, fake names everywhere, and we're having fun! basically targeting the 'everyone is famous now' thing with this one - embrace being a nobody with no personal stakes here
-> personally ive never kept up with having social media accounts that are actually just, me irl - like a facebook or main instagram, like a locals account yknow? but i think it goes for that too - stop spending so much time trying to further personalize your online presence in the hopes of it representing you perfectly - because it never will, and it shouldnt, and you shouldnt aspire for that. your social media presence is lighthearted and incredibly surface-level, treat it like that! thats not me bashing social media either, having that mindset will make it more enjoyable bc youll be using it as it should be used!
do following/followers or camera roll/files or app purges. this is also a soft launch type of way to practice easing into a better mindset. aside from just literally getting rid of junk, the process of trying to judge whether or not you need something is good practice in mindfulness! even if you dont delete everything you feel like you maybe should, thats fine, youll do other purges in the future too. eventually youll get better at parting with things and realizing when things that feel good in a moment are actually bad for you. and it forces you to regularly check in on your more long-lasting parasocial relationships online and how theyre serving you or not
speaking of parasocial - for actual friends, if theyre irl, think about how much you interact with them online vs in person and why you think that is and how it affects you. maybe youll wanna see them more irl if possible (i promise its better for your friendship), maybe youll realize you dont need to keep tabs on them anymore (old high school acquaintances lookin at you). for celebrities and fandom things - try to think about the bare minimum content from them you could do with. you dont have to unstan all your faves and stop enjoying things - but do you need their notifications on? if you have designated fan accounts, are they still a source of joy or of stress? do you need them on all the platforms or just one or two? do you need to have all that saved content of them? are there aspects of this that you love that could be found elsewhere, maybe even offline? (again you dont have to stay one way forever, just encouraging checking in with yourself!)
if youre of the genre of online where you just cant help yourself from getting involved in big discussions or discourse and arguments - i recommend journaling when you get upset by something online, articulating your feelings without the idea of someone ever reading it and without the goal of 'winning' or being the most correct and logical or even the most sympathetic and morally good. take away every audience aspect of it. what is this really about for you, and why would strangers online deserve to hear your personal well-thought out opinions? why would your thoughts deserve to be simplified and misconstrued and underappreciated the way they would be in this discussion? is there even an outcome to this where you feel truly satisfied? are their people who are more worthy of hearing your thoughts who arent part of this audience? is this a conversation that is best held online where so much communicative nuance is inevitably sacrificed?
in the end these are all just practices in remembering how in control you are. and that goes for if any of these are scary or too difficult sounding too! these all become less scary if you remember that as soon as anything becomes too uncomfortable or painful, you have all the power to stop doing it, make a change, and try again later. so much of advice for quitting bad habits can be intimidating because the pressure and the shame that would come from failing scares you out of the possible benefits of trying - just go ahead and kill that shame from the jump. of course youre going to fail! you are going to have setbacks! thats part of it! you have agency in this, always. the internet is not inherently or completely evil nor good. build trust in yourself to make the calls on when it is serving you and when it isnt on a case-by-case basis, and then give yourself permission to learn through trial and error.
and remember you are worth all of this effort. i believe in us <3
#phone addiction#screen time#gen z#chronically online#i have no clue if any of these are even real tags tbh#dead internet#self care#mental health#parasocial relationships#<- very risky tag i better not get dragged into some discourse somehow#i have 0 interest in arguments resulting from this post#i am peace and love rn <3 good vibes only lol#new years resolutions#new years#this is also in honor of like literally all my friends saying 'less screen time' as a new years resolution lol#🌟.txt
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sometimes you really are severely deficient in the Vitamin and that vitamin is HRT
#i love you hrt i love you trans dykes & butches on T i love you weird queers & freaks thanks for helping me allow myself to have the Vitamin#coolest thing about HRT as an adult is I get to fall in love with my body in ways i never ever knew was possible#YIPPE WAHOO#ive only told 2 non-internet ppl i started HRT so beloved friends in my phone u get all my yapping about it.#ur trapped here with me i have locked the doors.#trb.txt#butchposting
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i love how the show made sure 1) to show us that for once boston was extremely reluctant to make sexual advances on someone and atom absolutely did all the work, and then also blamed boston for not wanting to see him again, despite the clearly established boundaries; and 2) to explicitly frame the fact that boston as a gay man (particularly a promiscuous gay man) is seen as predatory by having chueam verbally frame the situation as the classic deeply homophobic "homosexual preying on the young and inexperienced and turning them to the "homosexual lifestyle"" idea (reflected in anything from 1961's "boys beware" short to the current "protect children from drag queens" moral panic), and y'all are STILL somehow saying that boston is at fault here, just because he is a shitty friend and a selfish person. like i'm sorry, but a leap from these honestly regular human traits to literal blackmail and sexual assault is not as obvious and easy as some of you seem to think.
#and because i know the internet is a place where nuance goes to jail - yes it is right that chueam BELIEVES her brother#BUT that does not mean we cannot dissect the way she frames it; the reasons why she believes it (because they also have a lot to do#with the fact that boston is promiscuous which in reality has nothing to do with it); and the wider commentary this situation makes#since it is still fiction and we already know the truth - there is nothing wrong with talking about the issues that are brought up here#only friends the series#ofts#archer speaks#boston tag
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Yesterday: rain clouds and thunders. Only a few drops here. No alert on my climate app. Ridiculous storm going on the next city. We got the gov alert. They didn't.
Today: rain clouds and thunders. Heavy rain here. Orange alert on my climate app. Ridiculous storm going on here right above me. Nobody got the gov alert. Anywhere.
Clown country (sertanejo ver.)
#i swear to God#i was waiting for it so it wouldn't cause the same anxiety attack it caused in me yesterday#and it simply didn't happen#and right now it would be too late#please don't get me wrong AGAIN. (everywhere i said something about this everyone got me wrong. I'm tired of explaining myself)#(only my close friends saw my point)#i love having an alert for heavy rains this is useful. this is marvelous. this helps people in risky zones to get ready for the worse#but it should WORK PROPERLY. IT SHOULD HAVE TEST RUNS IN CLEAR DAYS.#am i asking for too much???#according to various people all over the internet: yes i am asking too much#my friend was cheering because her grandma didn't get the alarm yesterday because she would have simply died.#she cannot read. she has heart problems. the sound would have killed her out of despair#if we knew about it beforehand someone could have told her 'hey granny the gov got a new thing and it will make a loud sound in your phone#to alert for storms. if it makes a loud sound dont be scared and call us right away'#you see what i mean??#i hope so#nonsims#non sims#brazil
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They need to make a queer space where the extroverted queers adopt the introverted queers today so we can have our occasional social enrichment but also not have to worry about socializing in the moments we don’t feel like it.
#standing in the corner of a room is not a viable strategy#nor is walking around like a timid#shaking rabbit with posture issues#I should make a sign but I don’t go out enough to justify it#talking to people irl is too hard I quit#I’m actually at work but I was watching the new Rowan Ellis video about quiet gays u know#I don’t even want meaningful deep relationships I just want to have people to have fun with once in a while#I’m like the only person in my friend group who doesn’t have outisde friends#outside of the internet that is.#grrrrr#personal
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I find it really interesting that I rarely see pure First love. Like, most ppl who comment on his acting mention Khao in some way? At least, when commenting on his performance in FirstKhao-centric shows.
And I understand it's part of promoting as a pair and whatnot, but Khao seems to get a lot more kudos to his acting than first does? For example, I saw a comment on an Only Friends reaction regarding FirstKhao's amazing acting and chemistry. And I was expecting someone to reply agreeing and saying that they are both amazing actors, because they are, but instead they talked about Khao's ability to pull out amazing acting from anybody he works with, even the most ok actors. And I don't think they meant it like this, but couldn't it be read as kinda a diss on First? They didn't comment on his talent at all...
And ya'll, I am biased, so I am aware that anytime one has a "favorite" it seems like they don't get as much recognition. And that might just be what this is! But, I just feel that with as much recognition Khaotung gets for his acting (rightfully so, he's crazy talented), sometimes First just... seems to get the short end of the stick w/ compliments and recognition? He's an amazing actor in his own right and I just don't seem to see ppl say that very often!
#again it may just be the part of the internet I'm on#but like with The Eclipse (and maybe i'm crazy for this) I was blown away by First's acting#but what I saw most of was Khaotung getting praise and idk it just kinda threw me for a loop ig#(again maybe i'm crazy but i actually prefer First's acting... and that's saying smthn cuz i think they both have unreal amounts of talent)#AGAIN THEY ARE BOTH AMAZING#AND I LOVE THEM BOTH SM#PLS PLS PLS DON'T TAKE THIS AS HATE#first kanaphan#firstkhao#firstkhaotung#khaofirst#khaotungfirst#the eclipse#the eclipse the series#only friends#only friends the series#gmmtv#gmmtv bl#gmmtv actors#thai actors#jay's talking BL ;)#jay's saying stuff :)
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what if i wrote a twisters au……….
#storm chaser eddie diaz loses his wife trying to capture tornado data realises it’s too dangerous now that he’s a single parent#packs up his life and son and moves from north texas tornado country to LA takes a desk job#one of his old buddies calls him up tells him they’ve got new tech and can really study tornadoes now#but. they need someone who Knows storm chasing to do it#it could change everything it could keep people safe he just has to get them the data. one week.#enter: hotshot cowboy scientist tornado wrangler evan buckley#with his stupid hat and stupid sunshine smile and stupid heart of gold under all that nonsense#is he taking risks for the hell of it. putting himself in danger for internet clout and attention#or if eddie looks a little closer is that all going to fall away. someone smart and silly and only wanting to help#because buck and his friends are there Before During and most importantly After every disaster. making sure everyone’s taken care of#and maybe with him in eddie’s corner eddie can figure it out this time#can make it so he doesn’t always have to worry about his family being in danger of natural disaster#and maybe he can keep buck with his dumb jokes and giant heart and boneheaded bravery#ok sorry i’ve seen twisters three times in the last week i cant stop thinking about it#will maybe scribble some of this down when i have a minute#n
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Everyone has been discussing whether or not the Shayne/Courtney wedding is real or fake and I would like to provide you a third option: the wedding was real and legal BUT ONLY for the return of Let's Do This. This is everyone's revenge on Arasha.
#for legal purposes this is a joke#but i do seriously want the return of let's do this so badly#i have literally no investment in the shayne/courtney ship#congrats if its real or if its fake#this was the funniest option for both the launch of a relationship or a prank#only way you can outshine arasha is lying to the ENTIRE INTERNET#rather than just your friends#smosh#shayne topp#courtney miller#shartney#shourtney
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if I had a nickel for every time I was in a fandom and a child character had a breakdown and did something that accidentally hurt another character, and then the fandom all turned on the character and vilified them because they [the fandom] can’t understand that sometimes 14 year olds make mistakes when they’re going through something traumatic, I would have 2 nickels
not a lot but it really is weird it happened twice
#This is targeted at anyone who vilifies Gon from hxh or Homura from pmmm#”Gon was manipulative towards Killua and took advantage of him” shut up shut the fuck up#”Homura never actually cared about any of the other girls she only cared about Madoka” never touch the internet ever again you absolute idi#I’m sorry that some of you incells can’t understand moral complexity or that characters can’t always be 100% good all the time#they were kids#they were only 14#At the same time saying stuff like this is actively undermining both Gon and Homuras characters but also Killua and Madokas as well#Killua and Gons friendship was kinda toxic from the beginning. They were each others first ever friends#and they didn’t really know how to have any#Gon was literally having a mental breakdown confronting the person who killed the closest thing he had ever had to a father#can you really blame him for lashing out???#And Homura#don’t get me started on the amount of idiots in the pmmm fandom who think she’s evil because he did what she thought was best for Madoka#she heard Madoka say she was unhappy being a god and how lonely she was and she took action#if she didn’t care about the other girls then WHY DID THE CLARA DOLLA DRAG THEM INTO HER LABYRINTH???#WHY DID SHE MAKE SURE THEY WERE ALL HAPPY WHEN SHE REWROTE THE UNIVERSE??#she tried for years to save Madoka just to fail when she made her final wish to become a god#imagine how she felt when she realized she wasn’t happy with that outcome either#when she realized she was all alone#she just wanted for her to be happy.#i swear to god#if you think either Gon or Homura are evil you might as well just block me now#because I fully believe you should not be allowed internet access#rant#rant post#pmmm#madoka magica#homura akemi#puella magi madoka magica#madoka kamane
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I support girls but NAH THIS IS REACHING “if you look carefully LIKE REALLY CAREFULLY 🤓☝️”
#the same people who would shriek like the witch of the north melting her skin off if I tell you haikaveh / kavetham isn’t implied because#if you actually look into our culture they’re being normal and not everyone having rivalry and caring about each other means they’re 💅#in fact Arabs are some of the worlds most hospitable people alhaitham letting kaveh live with him#is the most Arab thing I’ve ever seen#heck if kaveh was a stranger it wouldn’t be unusual for an Arab to let him in their house ☠️#goddamn#“if you look in the internet you can see how they’re implied!🤓☝️”#maybe if you had any respect for my culture or any desire to be educated when I’m handing this to you for free you wouldn’t be your mistake#your mums greatest mistake 🤗🤗🤗*#dora daily#if only ppl dedicated this level of detail to actual culture compared to pulling out their microscope at level 100x magnification lens to#observe robins spots under her eyes the world would be a better place 🙀#let me tell you btw this whole I hate you meh meh meh ( I’m so in love with you ) trope is the most whitest booktok millennial plant growing#basement dweller nonesense I have ever heard in my life don’t do that to my pookies ☹️#( the pookies in fact were 11 and 9 years older than her respectively )#guys my dad is the straightest man alive ( oh the trauma lowkey wish he wasn’t ) and he legit was putting his hand on his best friends lap#LMAOOO even I as a very logical person was like bro this is so zesty rn I am SO uncomfortable#anyways live laugh love boothill x Baizhu they’re the most canon things I’ve ever seen in my life#<- this is a joke btw it’s an ironic ship I saw on tiktok ☠️
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i have some closeted friends online, and one of them just had something bad happen (not going into any specifics at all because of privacy) but like... THAT is why KOSA scares me. how are they supposed to get help? how are they supposed to feel safe ever? if the government can so blatantly try and censor LGBTQ+ identities, and neurodivergent people, and FUCKING GENOCIDE what's next?
and i don't really have to be scared like others. even though i am neurodivergent, it is not super severe, and i am cis straight white dude, i have life on easy mode. i hate when people have to hide and i want to help but i can't. i can't even hug them. the closest i can get is typing on my screen and hoping it reaches them safely and that they haven't died.
im not scared of KOSA because of what it would do to me, but because of what it will do to my friends, and people who are suffering like my friends, and people who are suffering in ways i can't begin to fathom. it's a very hard feeling to describe.
now the government wants to take that link away from me, from my friends who supported me in my times of need, and, hopefully, who i supported well too. it is a feeling of desperation and depression and anger.
im really just typing at this point, and im probably not making a whole lot of sense, but it basically boils down to this, and im directing this at YOU Senators and Representatives of the U.S.A:
Stop KOSA, keep our friendships intact, and ACTUALLY do something to protect kids you fucking inept dumbasses.
sincerely, a minor KOSA will not be protecting.
#stop kosa#kosa#kosa bill#fuck kosa#lgbtq#lgbtqia#box is fucking losing it#i want to help people#but helping over the internet is hard#but it is better than no help#so i'll try my best#i have to fight as best i can#we have to fight as best as we can#because failure will mean death for so many#...sory if im getting weirdly existential or high horse-y#but i don't know how else to say it#this is a promise to help you guys and gals and invetweens however i can#and i even if it fails#even if we do lose#at least i had you in my life#even if our time will be cut short#i hope i was something#a light or friend or something else#i hope i could make your day better#even if only slightly#god i wanna cry
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