#since it is still fiction and we already know the truth - there is nothing wrong with talking about the issues that are brought up here

[jojotichakorn]

i love how the show made sure 1) to show us that for once boston was extremely reluctant to make sexual advances on someone and atom absolutely did all the work, and then also blamed boston for not wanting to see him again, despite the clearly established boundaries; and 2) to explicitly frame the fact that boston as a gay man (particularly a promiscuous gay man) is seen as predatory by having chueam verbally frame the situation as the classic deeply homophobic "homosexual preying on the young and inexperienced and turning them to the "homosexual lifestyle"" idea (reflected in anything from 1961's "boys beware" short to the current "protect children from drag queens" moral panic), and y'all are STILL somehow saying that boston is at fault here, just because he is a shitty friend and a selfish person. like i'm sorry, but a leap from these honestly regular human traits to literal blackmail and sexual assault is not as obvious and easy as some of you seem to think.

[lvis44]

Sweet Escape - Wedding Pt. 2 // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Y/N

Warnings: Language, Alcohol Consumption, Angst, Anxiety

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: Paradise is supposed to be fun and relaxing... a Sweet Escape, but when unspoken feelings and jealousy rise to the surface, everything can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

Notes: The second part of our wedding... I was reading my doc and figured this part was solid enough to be put into the universe lol. More to come but, once again, I do not know the timeline. I hope this holds you guys enjoy and this holds you over in the meantime! *insert Lil Wayne - Sorry 4 The Wait - here*. I've said it a million times and I will say it a million more, I cannot get my brain to stay in one tense while writing so ignore it the best you can lol. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx

Previous Sections: Prologue - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Epilogue - The Wedding Pt.1

You’re not sure how long you’ve been staring at the dark ceiling when you hear your phone start to vibrate on the side table, causing you to groan. Just because your nerves are keeping you awake doesn’t mean you want to talk to anyone. When you see his name flash across your screen your first reaction is to laugh at his insistence but quickly anxiety washes over you. Every possible thing that could be wrong flashing through your mind as you answer his call.

“Lew?” You croak out, your voice dry in your throat.

“Hey. Shit, I didn’t wake you did I? Just needed to hear your voice and this can’t possibly count as me seeing you before the wedding.” He’s quiet on the other end, probably trying not to wake Miles in the other room.

“No, can’t sleep.” You admit. You’ve thought a few times throughout the night that you should have given in and let him hold you tonight, knowing you more than likely already would have fallen asleep.

“Neither can I, my nerves are going crazy.” He sounds vulnerable and you can’t help but worry.

“Not backing out on me, are you?” You attempt to joke, even though the anxiety is real.

“What? No, baby, never.” He laughs at the absurdity of your question, making you feel that much better, “No, I’m just stressing over the whole thing. Thinking maybe we should have just run away and eloped.”

“We still can.” You giggle, knowing he’s joking but understanding the feeling.

He joins you in your laughter before falling silent. You know he’s too deep in his own thoughts so you let him settle on what he wants to say.

“I’m just worried something will go wrong like the catering will be shit or the decorations won’t be right. I don’t know, I just need it to be perfect for you. Perfect for us.” He finally shares, his voice is tired.

“Lew, the only thing that could possibly ruin tomorrow is if for some reason we legally can’t get married. Even if we end up in a courthouse, I’m ending the day as your wife. Everything else is just an excuse for us to throw a kick ass party.” You try your best to assure him.

His laugh comes through the phone before he lets out a sigh, “You’re right, nothing else matters. This is why I’m marrying you ya’ know.”

“Why? Because I would have said yes even if you proposed with a ring pop?” You tease him, your smile spreading across your face.

“Well that,” He laughs, “but also because with two sentences from you, I’ve felt calmer than I’ve felt since the second I got here to the hotel. You always manage to make everything seem okay and truth be told as long as I have you, it is.”

His words hit you deep, knowing how much he means them.

“You know you’re supposed to save the vows for later, right?” You joke, trying not to choke up, knowing if you’re too sincere with him right now you will end up in tears.

“I love you Y/N.” He says simply, aware you're trying not to get too emotional.

“I love you Lewis. You wanna stay on the phone?” It’s something you’ve done many times while he’s been away and the distance has gotten to be too much. You barely talk, just content in the sound of each other's breathing and the rustle of the others sheets.

“If you don’t mind?” He sounds nervous again, like he feels like he’s asking too much of you.

“Always. Good night Lew, I love you.” You say quietly, settling back into your bed.

“I love you baby.”

You don’t say another word, both falling asleep quickly after your chat. The comfort of each other being all you needed to truly relax.

* * *

Charlotte's soft voice ringing through the room is the first thing you hear as you try to adjust to being awake. The second you start to come into yourself, the nerves come flooding in.

“You didn’t hear a word I just said, did you?” Charlotte is laughing as you sit up in bed. Your phone is still sitting on top of the comforter next to you, the call now having ended. You can only assume Lewis is already awake and getting ready or his phone died. You can’t help but smile at the memory of your conversation last night, both of you needing a moment of solace within the other.

“What?” You ask groggily, attempting to wipe the sleep from your eyes.

“Well, to start I said Good Morning Ms. Soon to be Hamilton,” She started, her voice much too loud before realizing and quieting right down, “then I told you that hair and makeup are on their way to the venue and the car will be here in about an hour.”

You raised your eyebrows at her as she sat down on the bed.

“I know, I should have woken you up earlier but I heard you talking in here at almost three in the morning, I assume with Lewis, and I wanted you to get some sleep,” She explains softly, putting her hand up to stop you as you go to respond, “there’s a light breakfast here if you want some, but you have plenty of time to shower and grab some food. If you don’t eat now, I’ve already scheduled some food for you at the venue that you can eat while they're doing your hair before you get your makeup done.”

You let out a sigh, thankful that she has thought ahead, you go to thank her but she starts again.

“I’ve already confirmed with four different people at the venue that your dress is there, hair and makeup has a place to set up, your room is on the other side of the building from Lewis so you won’t run into him, and all of the decorations have arrived and are being set up. The only thing you have to do today is let us take care of you, know that Miles and I have everything under control, and get married!” She finishes her spiel with a smirk, knowing that everything she just covered were concerns running through your mind, always proving even further why she was your Maid of Honor.

“Thank you, you are an absolute angel.” You say as you grab her hand.

“I do have to ask, just being nosy,” She starts, laughing gently, “was it Lewis on the phone last night?”

You feel yourself blushing unnecessarily, there being no reason to be embarrassed for talking to the man you are about to marry.

“Yeah, neither of us could sleep, just needed to talk to each other for a second.” You say sheepishly.

“And that right there is why you two are getting married today baby!” She says enthusiastically, once again much louder than you would prefer for the time of day.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” You tell her as you push yourself out of bed, feeling your stomach growl, “food will be there for me?”

She laughs at your need to double check before nodding, “Yes there will, I heard that, you need some food.”

“Leave me alone.” You grumble, laughing softly to yourself too as you stumble to the bathroom.

“You’ve got an hour, let me know if you need anything.” You hear her yell as she makes her way out of your bedroom to let you shower in peace.

It feels like you’ve entered an alternate universe once you are out of the shower. You ended up taking longer than anticipated and were being rushed to get dressed before ushered downstairs and into the back of another town car. Charlotte had a small bag packed for you and said she would take care of your luggage that was still in the room after the wedding, keeping the suite for the bridal party to stay in after the event. 

Your jaw almost dropped when the car finally pulled into the venue. You had been there before, a few times actually, over the last two summer breaks with Lewis, trying to finally decide. But now… now it was snowing, a winter wonderland surrounding the manor that had been deemed a castle by almost everyone around you and you couldn’t help but agree. A castle had been a dream of yours as a kid but never something you found realistic as an adult, safe to say realistic wasn’t in Lewis’ vocabulary when it came to your wedding. You had been watching Downton Abbey for the third time one night and made an offhand joke to Lewis about how you should get married at Highclere Castle, from then on he had made it his mission to find something that fit the bill. His first thought had been the castle itself but it hadn’t been an option, instead he found a place just outside of London that you had never heard of, something your wedding planner had never even seen, it was perfect. It was large and regal but still fit with both of your styles, allowing it to be decorated with a fine line of modernity and tradition. 

When you pulled up to the front door it looked as though you had stepped into a movie, the snow painting the perfect backdrop despite your hesitance. You hadn’t been sure about a winter wedding but Lewis was impatient and winter was his favorite season. He had done so much of what you had dreamed of that you couldn’t help but agree, knowing it didn’t matter when or where you got married, as long as it ended with him.

Charlotte was quickly ushering you and your mother inside and out of the cold. The entrance was bustling with people moving flower arrangements, chairs, tables, everything you had asked for being set up right in front of your eyes. Charlotte was pulling you down the hallway to your left before you had a chance to even take it all in.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m rushing around but you can relax the second we get you into the bridal suite. I promise.” She was apologizing from in front of you while you tried to keep up with her brisk pace, your mom close behind you.

“Are we late?” You couldn’t help but ask, feeling nervous all over again.

“No , we’re perfectly on time, but the damn men are early and I will be damned if Lewis wins and sees you before you’re at the altar.” Her voice is serious and you can’t help but laugh out loud. It truly isn’t that big of a deal to you but the moment you mentioned it being part of the plan Charlotte and Miles made it their top priority for the day of the wedding.

“It’s really not that big of a deal.” You continue to laugh at Charlotte as she slows down once you’ve reached the doors of the suite. Secretly you wouldn’t mind a quick hello, or even just a glimpse at his beautiful face, but she was determined.

“It’s part of the plan therefore we will be sticking to it, everything will be exactly how you want it today.” Her voice is stern before she opens the door to the suite and welcomes you in.

You’re immediately welcomed by the crew you had hired to take care of everyones hair and makeup. You had spent a while choosing the perfect team and had been in touch with them frequently over the last few months and the familiar faces made you excited. Charlotte tells you to take a seat on the plush couch off to the side and makes her way over to talk with the crew, making sure everything is taken care of for you. Your mom comes to join you on the couch, mimosas in hand with a shocked look on her face, acting as if she doesn’t know where they came from. You giggle as you happily take one from her hand while someone sets food on the small table in front of you, immediately reminding you of how hungry you were back at the hotel.

“You should have something to eat, even if it’s just a nibble. You have some time before you need to start getting ready.” Your mom tells you softly, gesturing towards the spread sitting in front of you.

You nod, leaning forward to grab a pastry as you watch Charlotte in amusement, animated as ever while she gets everyone and everything organized. You take a moment to sit in silence, well as silent as it can be with people bustling about, letting yourself take it all in. You continue to eat as much as you feel you can keep down before someone is suggesting you get in your robe. When you come back from the changing room there are many more people in the room, everyone finally arrived and ready to get ready. You had decided to keep the wedding parties small on both sides. You had Charlotte as your maid of honor, your cousin who had become a sister to you over the years, and your childhood best friend. Miles was Lewis’ best man, Nicolas, and Daniel. Your mom was getting ready with you as well as Linda, Carmen and Lewis’ sisters.

As you sat in the chair watching your hair transform, joking and laughing with your stylist Javier, you took in the sight around you through the mirror. Both families and friends blending into one big happy group, laughing together and sharing mimosas. You were thrilled at the thought of everyone becoming one large family, beyond excited for the next chapter of your life.

“Ladies! I need to say something before everyone starts with their makeup,” Charlottes voice commanded the room getting everyone's attention, “thank you! Okay, I just need to start by saying Y/N, I love you so much and I am so beyond thrilled that you are marrying my second best friend,” she sends you a wink as you both laugh with Lewis not even in the room to defend his decade long friendship, “he is like a brother to me and you very quickly became my little sister. That being said, I want to stress to every one that today is supposed to be perfect and WE are going to make sure it is,” her words are firm as she gestures around the room to your bridesmaids, “these two mean the absolute world to me and after everything it took to get them to this point I will not settle for ‘okay’, we’re looking for perfection.”

“Char, it’s-” You try to stop her, feeling like she’s making far too big a deal out of your day.

“Nope, Y/N, let me say this, you deserve it.” She shushes you before continuing, “I want everyone to have an absolute blast but most importantly I NEED Y/N and Lewis to have the best day of their lives. Annoying guest? Figure it out. Issue with the rings? Find me or Miles. Trouble with your dress? Suck it up, today isn’t about us.” Her voice is that of a strict teacher as she lectures your family and friends and you can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh before the comment about the rings latches on to your brain, “Y/N, babe, I love you so much and I am so happy for you. You are marrying the best human I know, well second to you of course, and I cannot wait to see the life that you two create together, I know it will be magical. Cheers everybody!”

You barely even register the sweet words she directs at you as she finishes her speech, your body working on auto pilot to raise you mimosa for her toast. The moment she sees the look on your face she’s rushing over to you.

“Hon, what’s wrong? You look worried.”

“What’s wrong with the rings? They’re here, right? They look correct? Nothing’s broken? You said there’s a problem with the rings, what's the problem?” You rush out your new concerns, not taking a moment to think once she’s in front of you.

“What? No, no, everything’s fine. Why would there be a problem with the rings?” She asks you confused for a moment before the realization dawns on her face, “Oh sweetie that was just an example, everything is totally fine. It’s exactly like we talked about, I have your band and Miles has Lewis’, I even texted him when we got here to make sure he had it. Do you want to see yours? I have it in my bag, I can go grab it.” Her words of reassurance are rushed as she tries to calm the new anxiety fluttering through your mind.

“No, oh my god, sorry, I just…” You shake your head, wanting to laugh at yourself for becoming so panicked so quickly, “I think my brain just blacked out after I heard ‘issue with the rings’, I don’t know why I let that freak me out so much.”

“It’s okay, you have a lot going on and this is a big deal, don’t worry about it, it’s what I’m here for.” Charlotte calms you, rubbing your forearm as she squats in front of your chair.

“Alright beautiful bride! Ready to make that gorgeous face even better?” Javier’s voice comes excitedly from behind you, rubbing your shoulders as he tries to coax you to turn around so he can start on your makeup.

You take a deep breath, the reality of the day settling into the pit of your stomach, before turning around, ready to be transformed. You’ve had him do this look on you numerous times, wanting to make sure it was exactly what you wanted and you trust his skills, but still the underlying anxiety refuses to leave you. You had opted for a more natural look, similar to what you would do on the day to day but elevated, you wanted to look like yourself, like the you that Lewis fell in love with. As you sat in the chair being pampered, listening to people bustle around behind you, a billion new scary thoughts and anxieties swarmed through your head.

You know you’re making the right choice, there is no one in the universe better made for you than Lewis and no one who you could love or love you more than him. You know everything is taken care of and planned to your liking, but you didn’t place each flower or taste every dish prepared today. You know all of the most important people in your life RSVP’d yes, but you haven’t laid eyes on them today, you don’t know if they’ve arrived on time. Every single detail that has been a stress in the back of your mind for the last year has now become the only thing you can think about. You’re trying so hard to let them slip to the background, to stay in the moment, enjoy the laughter of your bridal party and the random chatter from Javier, but it doesn’t work.

Your mom is the first to notice, seeing you with a furrowed brow and your eyes shut tight as Javier steps away to grab something.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” She asks quietly, her hand resting on your shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.

The sound of her voice almost brings you to tears and you can’t quite explain why. You look at her through the mirror, noticing the deep concern on her face.

“Everyone wants it to be so perfect, what if it isn’t? I asked everyone to travel so far and what if it lets them down. The Hamilton wedding is supposed to be THE event, what if it’s not right or something goes wrong or it isn’t what people were expecting?” You ramble so quietly you’re worried she won’t be able to hear you.

“Oh, my sweet girl,” She says through a pout, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and meeting you cheek to cheek, “not an ounce of what you just said matters, I know you’re nervous but don’t stress yourself. Today is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, not because of how fancy it is or what caterer you hired, but because you are marrying a man that will love you, protect you, and take care of you for the rest of your life. I know that it feels like it’s all about the party and the flair, but today you are taking a step for you and Lewis and that is all that matters, you are building your life with an amazing man who would move mountains for you and that is all that matters. All you have to worry about is making it to the end of the aisle, saying I Do, and kissing your husband. We’re all just lucky that we get to witness it.”

“Fuck,” you breathe out with a dry laugh, “you’re right. It’s just so much.”

“Just keep reminding yourself that that beautiful man is going to be legally yours till death do you part.” She laughs before kissing your cheek, lightening your mood as you picture his perfect face. While her words do ease your nerves a new very important thought pops into your head, a new non-negotiable.

“Charlotte.” You call out urgently, aware of your time crunch.

“I’m here, what do you need?” She asks quickly, rushing to your side like a lady in wait.

“Lewis,” You start, watching as her eyebrows shoot up in a disapproving look, “no I know, I won’t look at him or let him look at me, I just need to squeeze his hand and hear his voice, I promise.”

She still doesn’t look quite convinced as you plead with her, “Y/N, no seeing Lewis was a very hard rule from day one of wedding planning. Are you sure?”

“Char, please, figure out a way so I don’t see him, we’ll stick to the rules but he’s been there to calm me down and make sure I’m okay for every major thing in my life for a more than half a decade and I don’t know about you but I’d say this is a pretty major thing! It won’t be any worse than me talking to him last night, I swear.” You plead with her, grabbing her hands, suddenly very set on needing to at least speak to Lewis before walking down the aisle.

“Okay, okay, yes, I will make it happen, but before you get into your dress, just in case, gimme a sec.” She agrees as her face softens, seeing your desperation, realizing that she too would need Lewis for a moment before something this big. He may be your lover, your fiance, the man you are about to spend the rest of your life with, but at the core he is your best friend, the man that has been there for you since you showed up at game night years ago, your other half.

Charlotte quickly leaves the room after squeezing your hand and telling Javier he can start working again. You assume she’s headed to find Miles, or she’s gone straight to Lewis. You start to get anxious yet again that you may be causing Lewis anxiety, you should have told her to tell him that you’re fine and just being selfish, remembering the moment of fear you had last night when he had called you.

You’re not sure how long it takes her but once your makeup is finished she has returned and is requesting for you to follow her. You feel silly walking out of the suite with pinned hair and your robe on but all you can think about is talking to Lewis, eager to hear his voice as if you’ve just started dating. Charlotte ushers you down a hallway to an empty room with a door on the other side. You’re far enough away from everyone that the noise has quieted and you can subsequently feel your brain calming down, realizing just how overstimulated you’ve been for the last few hours. Charlotte guides you to the far wall of the room, next to the door frame, turning you to back up against it before gently knocking on the door. It takes only a second for the door to open, Miles’ smiling face appearing next to you.

“Well hello beauty, you look fucking incredible.” He says before leaning in to kiss your cheek.

“It’s not fair that I don’t get to see her.” You hear your fiance whine from the other side of the wall, making you giggle and your cheeks warm.

“All in due time brother, you’re the lucky one though, you get to see her at the altar.” Miles says teasingly, leaning back through the door to look at Lewis before coming back to you, “So I have your fiance here as requested. Char and I will give you guys some privacy.”

“Thank you Miles, I’m sorry if this is a pain, I just needed a minute.” You tell him, reaching out to squeeze his arm.

Before he can respond, Miles is bursting out into a laugh, “Love, this was a help on my end, mans has been so annoyed that he hasn’t been allowed to see you all day, he hasn’t shut up about you once. Enjoy, you evidently both need it.” He says as his laughter begins to die down, sending a disapproving look into the room behind you where you assume Lewis is giving him the same back. “You guys have five minutes, and absolutely no peeking.”

“We won’t.” You and Lewis both promise in unison, making both of you giggle as Charlotte and Miles walk away to another room to give you your privacy.

“I mean it!” Miles turns around to yell, still walking backwards as he points his finger at you, “ I will know just by the look on bruvs face if he caught a glimpse of you, don’t you dare.”

“We’ll be good, I promise. Thank you guys!” You yell back at him as they disappear through a nearby door.

“Hey you.” You hear Lewis’ soft voice after a moment, your heart swelling just upon hearing the recognizable timbre.

“Hi.” You squeak, forgetting everything you had wanted to say when you asked Charlotte to make this happen.

“Are you okay?” He asks you, his voice filled with concern and care.

“Yes, oh my god yes,” You start, your anxiety of concerning him coming back tenfold, “I’m so sorry, I just, I don’t know, I was getting really anxious and then I realized that I haven’t had a big moment in life without you either being right there or calling me for like more than five years and then I got worried that I wouldn’t make it through something like this without talking to you first, which is silly because I know I’m literally preparing myself to marry you, like I’m going to see you at the altar in like an hour but I don’t know, my mom said all this stuff about how amazing you are trying to calm my nerves and then I realized I absolutely had to at least talk to you and I’m sorry if you were busy, I’m not trying to be needy, you just calm me and this day is so much and there's so much going on and it has to be perfect and-” Your words are rushed, not thinking them through as you ramble to him, not stopping to even take a breath.

“Y/N,” Lewis cuts you off, his voice firm but gentle, “it’s okay, please take a breath.”

You drop your head, almost embarrassed by how calm he sounds with the emotions swirling around in your head at the moment. You listen to his request and take a deep breath, trying to calm your breathing and your mind.

“Good, now another.” He instructs you calmly as you feel his hand sneak around the door frame and brush your hip.

The moment you see his skin you reach down and grasp his hand firmly, needing him to ground you as you take yet another deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper as you squeeze his hand, trying to breathe like he wants you to.

“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for,” He starts softly, squeezing your hand just as firmly, “I know this whole thing is a lot and there’s so much going on, but none of that is important. I don’t give a fuck how anything goes as long as I get to end the night married to you, that’s all that matters today,” His voice is soft as he assures you, washing over you like a warm blanket before it turns cheeky as he adds, “well I also want to see you in that dress and obviously whatever you have underneath it.”

You want to laugh and cry at the same time, amused by how easily a stupid (yet serious) comment could lift your spirits, simply because it came from him. Amazed that the same sentiment that has been spoken to you by everyone around you with no avail, could take a burden off your chest simply because they came from his mouth.

“I love you so much Lew.” You reply, squeezing his hand so hard you’re worried you’ll hurt him, trying to fight back tears as you do.

“I love you so much my sweet girl and I will tell you just how much when you meet me at the altar. You’ve changed my life, you’ve made me a better man, a better human, you’ve made me happier than I knew was even possible and I want nothing more than to marry you today. I don’t care how that happens, if you want to run away right now and head to vegas we can, at the end of the day I just want you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and nothing matters besides us. This whole castle could burn down right now and as long as I still had you I truly would not care. I love you so much and today is going to be incredible no matter what happens, but I bet you nothing will go wrong because we planned it and we’re pretty amazing.” He sealed his words with a kiss to the back of your hand, chuckling as he finished. His lips on your skin gave you a whole new sense of confidence and ignited a fire in the pit of your stomach.

You wished so badly that you could see him, that you could properly kiss him, but you reminded yourself that you were close to the finish line, that he would be all yours soon.

“I love you too, so so much, thank you for this, I’m sorry if I interrupted, I just needed to hear your voice and be close to you.” You admit to him with a sigh as you lean back against the wall.

“You’re never an interruption, whenever you need me I’m here, always. Besides, Miles wasn’t lying, I’ve been going crazy since we left the rehearsal dinner wanting to see you, touch you, kiss you, talk to you, literally anything. I know we’ve gone weeks apart from each other but everything feels different right now.” He tells you, making you smile, that you're not completely alone in your desperation. You take a moment, leaning against the wall in silence as you hold his hand, letting your nerves wash away.

“Alright, love birds! Time to go get fancy and hit the altar!” Miles’ voice cuts through your moment as he hollers and claps, returning to the room.

You let out a sigh, wishing your moment with Lewis could continue but reluctantly begin to move away from the wall. Before you can get too far, he is gripping your hand and pulling you back to place a kiss on your hand before leaving a lingering kiss on your pulse point.

“I love you Y/N, just come meet me at the altar. Nothing else matters.” His words are muttered into the skin of your wrist before he finally lets you go and Charlotte is ushering you away back to your suite as Miles stands guard making sure Lewis doesn’t cheat and sneak a peek at you.

“Feeling better?” Char asks as you make your way down the hall.

“So much better, I feel perfect.” You say through a smile, meaning it wholeheartedly, “ I’M GETTING MARRIED!”

[grayson1996]

"Will you ever love me for who I am and not who I was?"

The question was almost violently quiet, unbelievably at odds with the non-stop verbal sparring match the two had been doing since they came back into the cave. Fury in their eyes and spite on their tounges.

The question was desperate but resigned. Like Dick already knew the answer but also needed to be wrong.

It zapped any remaining ire within Bruce in an instant, leaving him feeling shallow with guilt and a little bit of horror.

"Of course, I love you, Dick."

"That's not what I was asking B."

Words, words words.

Dick always needed words and Bruce could seldom give them, even when things had been easier between the two. Before death, and pain, and mantels being passed down that should have died with their owners.

Bruce couldn't seem to find them now, couldn't remember how to even begin forming them.

Dick for his part looked disappointed at the silence but not surprised. With a heavy breath, he stretched out his shoulder, uncrossed his arms, and put on a smile meant to disarm.

"Forget I said anything Bruce, I'm just tired."

It was an out that Bruce would normally take, which is why he wasn't sure why instead his hand darted out to stop Dick as he turned around to the showers.

Dick stopped at the hold, though it wasn't a firm one, and gave Bruce an expectant look, eyebrow raised in waiting.

"I do love you Dick, not just the memory of you."

It was the answer he thought his oldest wanted, it was also the truth. So Bruce wasn't sure why it caused Dick to flinch, slipping his arm out of his hold. Smile dropping.

"You don't know me."

"I know you."

"You did. But we don't talk anymore unless it's about the others or the mission." Bruce opened his mouth to argue but shut it almost immediately when he realized Dick was right.

"But I know you."

"Then tell me one fact about my life, that has nothing to do with Nightwing or anyone else. Tell me one thing that isn't a residual from a decade ago."

Dick waited patiently, giving Bruce the opportunity to fix this like he always did. Bruce rolled through his mind looking for a tidbit about his sons personal life and blanched when he realized he couldn't find one.

Batman knew Nightwings patrol schedule, what cases he had been working on and the last time Wing had been on loan to the League. Bruce even knew when Dick came to the Manor for Family Dinner, the weekends he would host Damian, and the sibling dates he had instigated with Duke once the boy joined their fold.

He didn't know if Dick was seeing anyone, or even when the last time his son had a serious relationship was. He couldn't recall what job Dick had picked up to fill his time after quitting WI upon Bruce's return. He didn't know if Dick still read math textbooks like they were fiction, if his son still listened to Indie Pop, or if he still watched horror movies with a glee that Bruce used to find unnerving.

They didn't talk about those things anymore. Bruce hadn't thought it was important. Hadn't since their first fallout years ago, when their whole dynamic shifted and never resettled.

Dick could see the realization on Bruce's face and gave him another smile.

"Jason said once that every time you looked at him it was like you were seeing a ghost. And Bruce... I've felt like a ghost ever since you kicked me out... I'm tired of not feeling real"

"You are real."

"I'm a Brand," Dick said with a bitter laugh. "I'm a marketing ploy whose only depth is surface level. I am always who you need me to be Bruce. You don't have to pretend I'm anything different."

Bruce didn't like how self-deprecating Dick sounded, and in his own bout of desperation, he pulled his son into a hug. One of a nature that the two hadn't shared for years.

"You're my son. I'm sorry I don't know you anymore, at least as well as I should. But I'm going to work on it. I promise."

Bruce could feel Dick fighting the instinct to trust like he didn't want to be let down again. He could also feel the moment Dick decided to give him another chance. His body relaxing into Bruce's hug like a puppet whose strings have been cut.

"We'll see."

[youngparadisedonut]

Please come back.. I need my comfort page.

Those fans are now throwing the race card once again for Carlos cause they don’t like how some people write fan fiction..

The face that we can’t criticize characters anymore without getting told we’re racist is embarrassing 

Right now I'm in the process of looking for a new show to obsess over, so I don't know what is happening. I’m not gonna watch the new season and I stopped following the Lone Star tags.

I can talk about what I observed/felt when I was part of the fandom, though.

People are allowed to criticize Carlos because of his actions. It’s ok to still be angry/upset at his character for how he behaved in the Carlos Being Married With Iris Storyline. Yeah, Carlos has every right to be flawed (he’s human), but the problem was never about him being flawed – the problem was that he never acknowledged how unfair he was to his partner.

So here why I don't like Carlos.

1. Carlos never told TK he was already married until it was too late. He simply accepted TK’s proposal and decided to keep the secret.

2. Carlos was only honest with TK after that because he had no other choice, and then when he finally was open with TK about it he decided that it would be a very good idea to have this very delicate conversation in TK’s workplace in the middle of TK’s shift.

3. Carlos saw nothing wrong with Iris thinking it was her place to approve/or disapprove TK.

4. Carlos made wife jokes even if was clear TK was so not comfortable with that and never once acted like he regreted hiding this from TK.

5. Carlos put all decisions about the divorce (something that affected his and TK’s future) in Iris  hands (someone who was a stranger to TK).

6. Carlos blamed TK when Iris went missing. Whenever TK had a conflict with Carlos (meeting Carlos parents, how uncomfortable Carlos was with Cooper), TK is always so understanding (even if sometimes he is angry first and needs to cool of a bit, he always comes back to talk things) and validates Carlos feelings, but Carlos? He was so hostile.

7. That Carlos comment about bad relationships that was obviously directed at TK that you all like to ignore, guess what? It happened.

8. Carlos never apologized for any of this. He never recognized to TK that he was wrong and TK had nothing to do with Iris missing, he never admitted that he treated TK badly. How can I be expected to be go past that when Carlos never acknowledge what he did?

For me those are valid reasons for not liking him.

Because TK is not perfect. He made a lot of mistakes, but he always (or at least most of the time) admits them and apologizes.

I defend TK so much because I don’t think a part of the fandom truly understands how addiction can affect someone.

Thing is, there’s this mindset in the fandom that Carlos was this defenseless boy who chased after TK, when this wasn't never the point. Not only TK had his heart broken, he relapsed. That’s a lot. He had reasons for not wanting to jump in a new relationship, and he was upfront about this with Carlos. He was clear about his boundaries. And if he never wanted something serious with Carlos in the end? He would also be valid. He owned Carlos nothing but being truthful, which he was.

TK is considered immature and childish when a lot of this traits (his impulsiveness, for example) are direct connected with his addiction. And what Iris said about TK being a mess and a project that you guys think its so funny? It's so problematic, harmful and could be triggering, especially because it’s directed at someone who deals with addiction.

But for those who act like Carlos should not be criticized, fear not. TK major character trait since season 4 is being in love with Carlos. It’s so obvious that from now on TK main role will be to support Carlos, and I doubt that at this point he will have a storyline of his own.

[redge]

【推しの子】 Final arc thoughts (WIP)

I decided to write this after reading chapter 161 and while everybody is already giving up on the story, I want to trust Akasaka-sensei and read on until the final chapter. Please Akasaka-sensei let's end this beautifully

Chapter 152 - Interview

One of the reasons why I am completely not sold that Aqua is *redacted* is because of the interviews from volume 1 that started showing up for this final volume. Which means that the other interviews will need to appear in 165 or 166 and in those interviews, Ruby and Kana both mentioned Aqua. Call me delusional but yeah, I am (and very hopeful please Akasaka-sensei I am begging you prove us wrong) .

Chapter 152 started with the interview session with the director I'm rereading the chapter as I am writing this and oh that Gotanda-Kaburagi conversation 😭 I mean are you telling me that this volume started this strong only for it to blow off like that?! Prove us wrong Akasaka-sensei!

"Unless I get my revenge on you, we won't be able to move towards the future."

I mean?! Why would you write this character strongly talking about the future on the premise that you are going to *redacted* this character like why?! It just doesn't add up 🤡

Chapter 153 - Fiction

It's so funny how this controversial kiss scene was only addresed in this chapter and just as a part of the movie, nothing more 🤣 It's a bizarre world we live in 🤡

Oh Hikaru Kamiki. How much of your statements were lies and truth? You are one confusing character 💭

"I loved her from the bottom of my heart, after all."

"I'm glad I could finally talk to you."

Send help 😭 No like why was this conversation so different from their conversation in 161 like just why where did all those dark feelings came from I don't understand 😭

"I heard the sound of the world collapsing"

💔

Chapter 154 - 15-Year Lie

Will I really read chapter 154 again? This chapter was heartbreaking 🥺

I won't say much about this chapter here anymore because I think I poured my heart out when I wrote these thoughts on chapter 154.

Just skimming through the pages and I am still really really sad about this chapter ugh

"This movie is a timeless love letter from Ai to you"

And then we get a story where the son *redacted* the father and the son *redacted* in the process?! Like come on. Give Ai a break! She did not risk giving birth to these twins just for that to happen?! Like Akasaka-sensei are you out of your mind?! No please come on sensei not this ending I beg you.

Chapter 155 - Happy End

This chapter was so beautiful like everything from this point on was full of hope, a serene future ahead so why?! 🙃

Yes we're not forgetting Yura we've been remembering her since the chapter she died only to still not know anything about her death hahahahaha gosh the mixed feelings this manga is giving me 😂

Chapter 156 - Mem

And the final arc even included a Memcho chapter where she's talking about the future! Everything is leading towards future and dreams so why are you making that character sleep forever I don't understand the more I write this the more I get furious hahaha

"I'll remain in the gray and swim through it brilliantly."

Oh Memcho ~☆

Chapter 157 - An Ordinary Day, A Wonderful Day

And you keep on showing us that Aqua is studying for medical school, have this ordinary day at peace with his twin sister and then what?! 🙃

"As long as you're here with me"

Good grief Ruby would be crushed if she would know that Aqua is *redacted* more so if she would know that he did it to secure her future like why would your twin be happy going on a future without the most important person beside her like come on make it make senseeeeeee

Chapter 158 - Jewel

There are arguments in the fandom that the reason they can't ride that Ruby suddenly became this brilliant idol was because it lacks foundation. I guess it does but even from the first few chapters, it was subtly laid down to us that Ruby would become a brilliant idol some day. When she auditioned, though Aqua tried everything to hinder Ruby's auditions, she was still scouted. When Kana was having secknd thoughts when Ruby recruited her to become an idol, she says she sees potential in her. So I was not surprised that Ruby would become this brilliant idol.

Why would you give us a panel saying that Kamiki is asking Nino to surrender to the police only to show on the latter chapters that Kamiki had already gone beyond saving like is he really just a manipulative asshole how much of these were truth and lies?!

Oh that last page 👀

Chapter 159 - Resonance

"I'm wearing a..."

I feel that everything went downhill from this chapter so if given a choice I'd skip this chapter until chapter 164 and just read the last two chapters. Because I have full hope that Aqua is not *redacted* and that will be shown on chapter 165 or 166.

I will keep on asking how much of Hikaru Kamiki are lies and truth because I am honestly so confused on what they want to project him like what is he even?

Chapter 160 - Eye

"You tried to kill Ruby, didn't you?!"

But why is the expression of Hikaru like that?! Was he really meant to confuse all of us?! I mean apart from knowing, believing that Aqua is not *redacted* what about him? Is he? Is that it? Ugh this is giving me headache.

Goodness that's one crazy art. Mengo-sensei, I respect you.

Chapter 161 - Future

So since crow girl is the one doing the narration, does that mean that Hikaru is really just that plain asshole? That after all those flahbacks in 154, he is destined to actually kill his daughter? So that time at the temple, was he really planning to push Ruby? Like really? He has sank down that low? That after growing old without Ai, watching over their twins, his ultimate goal was to... harm them? I can't find the core in this character portrayal it's so difficult to comprehend Hikaru Kamiki's character 🤡

"You already have plenty of reasons to live"

Right?! I mean why did we have to resort to this?! Nino was taken care of. We could have dealt and handled Kamiki differently like see the light at the end of the tunnel or something I don't know it just doesn't add up this conclusion does not add up at all make it make senseeeeee at this point I'm just basically ranting hahaha

Chapter 162 - Aqua Hoshino

"I could've felt you more if I had killed Ruby"

I will never understand 💭

And why Aqua?! Why?! He suffered enough. Sacrificed enough. Felt guilty all his two lives and you give him this?! This was so unfair and how would you really think Ruby would feel after knowing that you sacrificed your life to protect her like really?! I don't understanddddddddd

"Thank goodness. This time..."

Are you even sane Aquamarine Hoshino?! Are we?!

Chapter 163 - You

For some reasons, I like that this chapter because once and for all, it made it black and white that Goro and Aqua are two different person. That Aqua has always been Aqua.

"Was this actually the wrong choice?"

Yes Aqua. So for the sake of our sanity would you please make good choices come on you're better than this. Also, crow girl he was asking a very valid question why would you answer him like that you're not helping at all what's the point of your existence all along?!

Why is this panel so reminiscent of that panel with Kana when she's telling Aqua that she'll curse at him and forget him in not time it's curious.

And why why whyyyyyyyy

Chapter 164 - Finale

"I want to live"

Then go ahead Aqua go on! Akasaka-sensei why do we even have to go through this?! If the gist is so that we could separate Goro and Aqua as two different individuals then yes we know they're different so can we now skip to the good part?!

This was so wrong. So unfair to everyone. To Aqua. To Ruby. To Kana. To Akane. To Miyako. To Ai! It was so unfair. And so poorly dealt with. So what are we trying to show here? That the world is cruel and unfair and not even fiction can save us? I am in utter shock like this was more dumfounding than Ai's death. Akasaka-sensei, really, what was the point?

[nightlight-writes]

Hello, if you write angst, may I request a any character you want x reader, where in the process of time travel, they lost reader. You can have any ending you want. It can be hurt/comfort or straight angst.

the time has come (Sonny Brisko x Reader)

Genre: Angst

Warnings: None, although this IS pure angst.

Disclaimer: All characters and events depicted are fictional, and are not intended to resemble real events or real people.

Note: Sorry for taking so long! This probably isn’t what you had in mind but I tried my best (๑•́ ω ���̀๑) hope you like it!

“Sonny! Are you there?”

For a brief second, you could’ve sworn that you saw him standing near the window. Clearly, your appearance must have shocked him, for he hastily opened the door as soon as you rang the doorbell. You were then brought into a loose hug, the smile on his face ever unchanging.

“Hello! I’m sorry I couldn’t answer the door immediately. Is there anything you want to do today?”

“Well, what about you? You always seem like you have the whole day planned out, you know?”

“Ah, I was just wondering if we could go to the zoo! Oh, and maybe we can get some negi too. And then we can just spend the rest of the day here, just chilling and having some snacks. How does that sound?”

Immediately, you took his hand and rushed out, ready to start the day. A look of surprise appeared on his face, but since he didn’t forget anything he didn’t really mind.

You and Sonny arrived home several hours later. After placing the groceries you bought from the store on the table the two of you just watched the sunset from the window, its many hues giving way to the dark and cold night. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace, and the distinctive, yet muffled sound of sobbing came from deep in your chest.

“Please, don’t go!”

“…Sonny? What’s wrong? There’s no need to hide it from me.”

Upon hearing your response, he stood up and wiped the tears on his face with his finger. Yet, if you listened closely, the sound of sniffling could still be heard.

“I… There’s nothing wrong. People come and go all the time. It’s nothing unusual, really.”

“Are you moving out or something?”

“It’s… It’s more complicated than that. I don’t exist right now, and once I go back, you’ll never even know who I am.”

Sonny’s tears came back in full force as he prepared himself to reveal the truth.

“In short, I’m from the future, and by the time I’m born you’ll already be rotting in a graveyard somewhere.”

Your mouth was agape with shock as you tried to comprehend what he had just told you. Unbeknownst to you, his shoulders loosened and the expression on his face was less stiff than you’ve ever seen before, even if it wasn’t necessarily a happy one.

“Anyways, we should sleep. I’m getting really tired now. Can I hold you for just a second?”

You nodded, and Sonny carried you to the couch and placed you on his lap. This was the last time you’d ever hear the soft sounds of his breathing and his heartbeat, and the last time you would feel the warmth of his hand on your head and the softness of his lap. Around midnight, even those were gone, replaced by the feeling of a sleek, yet oversized jacket over your body.

Morning came. You were in an unfamiliar house, with someone’s jacket on top of you. There weren’t any huge cardboard boxes around, but it didn’t seem like anyone was living here either. Yet, the messy surroundings indicated that the owner of the house left in a hurry, without any time to take anything with them.

A camera was on the table. Curious, you picked it up. In it were pictures of you that seemed to be taken at the local zoo. Now, you’d never go to the zoo by yourself, but what was even stranger was the person standing next to you in the photos. He was far taller than you, almost dwarfing your small stature, and his hair was a very unnatural bright yellow. His eyes seemed to oscillate between blue and purple, with the exact hue changing in every photo. Whoever this was, you couldn’t recall seeing anyone in town with those exact features.

The door was already unlocked, and you walked outside, In the yard was a sign reading “House For Sale”. You had already guessed that the house wasn’t yours, but the sign raised even more questions. Surely, the jacket on top of you earlier and the camera full of photos had to belong to someone. The owner had put too many personal touches on their belongings for them to be for work purposes.

You then walked home, forever perplexed by the mysterious house. The next day, the family that moved in handed over that jacket and camera to you, but you denied that they were yours. Of course, you were the only person they knew that they saw in the photos, so they just left the mysterious objects with you until they could find more information about the owner.

To this day, you still wear that jacket. Nobody knows why you developed an attachment to it, but the scent just felt so familiar to you. Yet, it was also completely alien, completely new. You planned on returning it to its owner once you found them, but as the days went on it seemed you would never meet them at all…

[empressofthesunwriter]

The Magician's Quest

SoT AU: Her homeland invaded, her parents died, and all Magic was outlawed. Dark Magician N.K. is on the run from the Inquisition, who wants nothing more than to burn her at a stake. She finds herself in Zaron, the Human Kingdom, not knowing that she stepped into a war for the most powerful relict of them all. A legend, which is reality. The Stick of Truth.

I always wanted to write a Stick of Truth AU and here I am. I will update this once per week on any Tuesday timezone Cest Utc+2.

Also since Post Covid I wanted to write for the adult kids with adult themes without people screaming at me I can’t write smut for fictional characters.

So all characters are over 18 but their age isn’t named. Image them how you like them. Post-Covid special or your own fantasy. :D

Happy reading now.

Prolog

She was so tired.

Tired and hungry.

Tired, hungry, and dirty.

When was the last time she slept well?

As her parents were still alive.

When was the last time she eat?

Last Monday, when she stole from the Traveling Merchant an apple.

When was the last time she washed herself?

Two days ago in the little waterfall between Zaron and Larnion.

Now she was here.

Finally.

In Zaron.

She know that the Human Kingdom was led by the legendary Grand Wizard Eric Cartman.

He always searched for promising Mages in his court.

Some said he had an obsession with magic and any new magician brought him new wisdom about it.

Some said he was fast annoyed with his magician and throw them out like rotten tomatoes.

N.K. didn’t care for rumors.

She only cared about to find finally a place where she would be safe.

Her homeland was invaded by the Purists of the True Light. They were mostly human but had a scary knowledge of how to counter Magic. Themselves said their prayers to their god made them immune to Magic.

The brunette woman only know that her mother, her beloved mother, and the Queen’s Court Magician, had been ripped apart by a shining light, nothing left of her.

Father tried to run away with her, but the Inquisitors of the Purists got him too.

And they didn’t stop.

N.K. saw half of her town killed in cold blood. She felt ashamed that she used this chaos to run away and not to fight.

Yet, how could she not fulfill her father’s last request for her?

“Live my little princess. For me and your mother!”

These words haunted her sleep.

Like the screams of agony and the shouted accusation of her death neighbors and friends.

“Why didn’t you help us?”

“You coward!”

“You were the next Court Magician, why N.K.?”

“All your power, all your talent, for nothing!”

“Traitor!”

She breathes heavily and grips her cloak.

The castle of Kupa Keeps looms in the distance.

N.K. knows it’s not good to think about her nightmares. She needs to get to the castle before it gets dark. She is already weak enough and can’t risk getting attacked in the forest. She needs to conserve her energy.

So she grits her teeth, walking to her hopeful new home.

Paladin Butters the Merciful has secrets.

Secrets that would have her killed if her king ever found them out.

One…she was born as a man, but deep down she knows she should have been a woman.

All right, this would probably not get her killed. Eric accepts even Princess Kenny, but her parents would be so disappointed in her.

She can’t risk their disappointment again.

As she was born without any indication of being able to learn the higher Magics and become the Court Magician, she had been grounded for a whole year.

If Princess Kenny with her sister didn’t visit her at night, she would have turned crazy.

So no, she can’t go back to that.

Her second and biggest secret is what will for sure get her killed…she loved the wrong man.

He was a proud and powerful Ranger with the cutest and fiercest wolf companion.

And an elf.

Yep, she loved the famous and feared by humans Stanley Marshwalker, the right-hand man of the High Elf King.

“I hate that we can only meet like this, Marianne.”, groans Stan into her neck, as they lay together on the forest floor, after one of their secret couplings.

She is still in wonder that he also loves her. She had heard the rumors that he was once engaged to the right-hand woman of the Amazon Queen, Lady Wendy from the Falling Trees.

Nonetheless, after that fateful day two years ago, Stan was hers as she was his now.

Marianne, the name she chooses for herself and only Stan, Princess Kenny, and Princess Karen used to her in private, strokes with one hand her loves beautiful black hair, while she looks at the sun.

“Oh hamburgers, I need to go.”, she shrieks.

How she wished she could simulate a more feminine voice like Princess Kenny!

She hates all this… manliness on her. That’s why she insists that Stan takes her always…she doesn’t want to use the thing between her legs as much as she can.

Stan grips her hips, narrow and not womanly at all, urgh, whining into her ear.

“No, Bunny, come on! We just got here!”

“Stanley we had sex for like three hours. I really need to go or the Wizard King will be awful cross with me!”

“Come with me, please.”, he begs her like every time they meet. “Leave Zaron and come with me to Larnion. There you can be yourself and we can wed.”

“Stan, you know I can’t. My parents still need me. And I can’t leave Princess Kenny and Karen all alone.”, she reminds him, carefully ripping his hands from her body and searching for her robe.

Stan still lays naked on the forest ground, his cape used as a blanket, and crosses his arms behind his head, while she gets dressed.

“Marianne, Bunny, I know that you hate it when I say it, but your parents are assholes! Fuck them, they don’t deserve you.”

She places her Paladin band on her head and puts her long blond hair into a ponytail. That’s the only feminine thing she is allowed do to without raising suspicions.

“They will not live forever. One day…I will be free.”, she mumbles, yet Stan hears her.

He looks with his big brown eyes at her sadly.

“Bunny…you know how tensions are rising again. Our two lands could get to war anytime and we could face each other on the battlefield. What should we do then?”

The blond-haired woman bites her lips.

She doesn’t have an answer for that.

They part like they always part.

With a lot of kisses, bittersweet and painful, and promises of undying love.

Marianne wonders how long they can keep this going. It’s a miracle that in two years no one got suspensions on them, but how long will their luck last?

Is Stan right and war is on the horizon?

What should she do if she has to fight elves again? Stan’s friends, family, and brothers-in-arms.

What should she do if she had to fight Stan?

She doesn’t want to think about it.

A loud sign left her mouth.

Why can’t she be just happy with Stan?

Why was she born human and he elf?

Marianne feels like this famous female character in one of the plays she saw in the Kingdom.

Juliette was her name.

For Juliette and her Romeo, their love ended in death.

She doesn’t want this for her and Stan.

That’s when she sees a cloaked figure on the way to Kupa Keep. She takes note of this person because they can barely stand. They shake uncontrolled and breathe really heavily.

“Hey, traveler, you all right?”, she asks, walking faster to reach them.

It’s good that she does it since the unknown person loses their stepping and falls down on the ground!

“Hamburgers!”

She kneels down and helps the traveler to sit up. This way the hood of the person falls off.

Marianne can see that the poor soul is a young woman.

Dirty, matted long brown hair which smells like rotten food cascades down to her wide hips. She wears a pink-blue magician outfit, which the female magicians of the Land of the Winning Sun are famous for.

The paladin gasped, while the mage groans, her eyes rolling into her head. The poor girl fainted.

Winning Sun was conquered two months ago and they have heard that the Purist of the True Light killed all the magicians there.

All, besides the woman in her arms it seems.

Determined Marianne takes her bridal style, making haste to Kupa Keep.

She will be damned if someone dies under her eyes!

Check out my New Kid Series Codename: Dovahkiin Stick of Truth and Friendly Faces Everywhere for canon South Park :D

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[silencedrage]

The silence feels... wrong. Suffocating and she doesn't even have a joke or a random piece of movie trivia to try and break it like she normally would. Like she might have before everything happened, but that was Before. There's such a clear delineation in Van's mind, that thinking about the past is a little like watching a movie. A fictional version of who they were, that's nice and idealistic to think about but so far from the truth of the monstrosities they had to become. Everything seems so fragile where it once felt steady and Van wonders when things changed so abruptly. Or maybe it wasn't abrupt and this has always been their trajectory, but Van had been too blind to see it coming. Because it doesn't feel like Tai has a Before and an After, and Van wonders if there's something broken about herself. There had to be, right? Like a clean cut right through time that Van couldn't fix with all the duct tape or superglue in the world.

It feels like she's the only one who misses It. The wind whistling through the trees, the smell of the sun warming the earth as it filters through the leafy canopy overhead. She imagines what the look on Tai's face would be if she brings it up. Van still remembers the way that Tai had all but mocked her when she first began to lean into the Wilderness. Like Van would be ridiculous to believe in Lottie's 'bullshit'. A part of her feels bad for not giving her partner more credit, and the redhead swallows hard, trying to push away that train of thought. It's easier said than done though, because it feels like Tai has already absorbed all of the trauma and buried it, sprinting to get her life back on track as though nothing ever happened. And Van feels like dead weight, dragging Taissa down and sabotaging her plans just by existing. To be fair... admitting that she thought things were better when they were starving and hunting each other in the middle of the Canadian Rockies probably does make her a little bit insane to a normal person, but Van feels like a broken tape, forever paused on a single frame while the rest of the world moves on.

And just when Van feels like she's about to burst, Tai somehow brings her down again, with her brutally funny wit, and the redhead cracks a smile, tucking one arm behind her head as she stares up at the ceiling. "I honestly don't know, like we all know he's a loser too." This is easier, safer, and Van knows at least what is an appropriate response to Tai's snark. "But I don't know, he seems to kinda actually like her at least?" Which is not a sentence that she would have said about Jeff Sadecki in the Before, but maybe that's just another thing that's changed since then. She hates herself for circling back to the same fucking point, and guilt curls in her stomach for it. "Could be worse. Could've been Randy Walsh," she points out after a long stretch of silence.

[ ♡ ] Something has changed. Everything has --- their surroundings, their circumstances, their lives, but Tai assumed that once they returned to civilization, what she and Van had together would be the only thing that wouldn't. Maybe it's all in her head, but she can't shake the feeling that what they had in the wilderness may not translate the same back here. She does her best to bury it, because she's worked so hard to resume the life that was left behind and pretend everything is perfect again, but as she lays with @silencedrage now, she can't shake the feeling that it will never be the same.

Over the past two years, she's done her best not to envision what their relationship could have been like had they been back in civilization, afraid to hold on to too much hope of making it there, but also knowing that there had been a reason their time together before the crash had been so private. There was a certain freedom in the wilderness that they couldn't have had otherwise, a chance to be fully who they were, both as individuals and with each other, falling in love in front of the world they had created out there while finding their own hope amongst the darkness. It was something to have to themselves, something they could protect even on days when it felt so difficult, and it's becoming so clear that that freedom doesn't exist back here. They may be free of the horrors of the wilderness and everything they became out there --- but it's not the same here, and she'd rather keep those feelings buried than ask if Van feels it too, afraid that would only lead to an inevitable end ( and after everything, she doesn't know how she could possibly say goodbye to her. )

❝ --- Shauna's not actually going to stay with him, is she? ❞ She asks to fill the silence, a deflection to someone else's relationship to avoid thinking of her own. ❝  I mean, Jeff's kind of a loser. ❞ She doesn't actually know that, doesn't actually know what their relationship is really like because Shauna seems so close-lipped about it, but she's only ever wanted the best for her, and she's not sure this is it, still focused on what could go wrong there instead of what might be inevitable for her and Van.

[fandomsimagined]

Devotion (Tartaglia x Reader)

Pairing: YanTartaglia x Reader

Summary: Childe wants nothing more than for you to be his and him to be yours… he doesn’t care if this isn’t your typical love store. He loves you. You love him. That’s all that should matter and that’s enough to make it your love story. You might think he doesn’t love you, but you’re very wrong. He loves you more even. He’s willing and happy to fight for you. You might not believe him now, but you will. He has a plan to prove his devotion.

Warnings: Not a healthy relationship at all. Background character death, referenced murder? Misplaced office reference and use of the terms ‘mistress’ and ‘girlie’. Other than all that you know not that bad

A/N: We’re still working on getting all of our blog figured out and set up all nice but an important note is that we are both well over the age of 18, and both very well aware that this is not okay behavior and just fiction! Please note the same (:

Childe loved you. He really did. You didn’t want to see him anymore though… he could vividly remember you walking away with tears welling up in your eyes and pain evident on your face. Truthfully, it shocked him beyond disbelief and had he not been completely blind-sided he would’ve reached out at that very moment to stop you and explain. Of course, when his mind fully grasped what was happening, you were already gone and he… well he hurt like hell.

“You know I love you… but clearly I- Well, you meant more to me than I did to you-“ Childe did have enough common sense to interrupt there, denying it of course, but you had stopped him, “You’re married. I loved you and to you I was just your mistress. I… can’t see you anymore. It’s not fair to any of us. Bye Ajax…”

Obviously now that he was thinking about it, it still only somewhat made sense that you felt that way. It’s his own fault, he knows that, because he should’ve explained to you that logically it might seem that way, but it simply isn’t the case. Had Childe not been frozen in place he could’ve assure you that you were absolutely his soulmate. He hasn’t even thought about being with his wife since he laid his eyes on you. Childe should’ve told you that before you’d even spoken he was already talking to his lawyers about filing for divorce. He’d even taken you to meet his family on several occasions! Why would he do that if you meant nothing to him.

He wanted to be a little angry at you for even thinking that. Why would you think that? But that’s his fault too. He know he should’ve been upfront with his relationship status. He knows that you’ve always been so kind and understanding, if he would’ve told you upfront that he was going through a divorce you probably would’ve tried to comfort him. Honestly, he was going to tell you, he just wanted everything to be finalized first (he had no idea how long it could be drug out). Once you’re back in his arms he’ll worry about how you even found out and who would’ve possibly told you when he’s been so very careful about subject matters that come up.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for. He can’t exactly remember where he heard that quote, but it’s stuck with him. Especially now. Childe wants nothing more than for you to be his and him to be yours… he doesn’t care if this isn’t your typical love store. He loves you. You love him. That’s all that should matter and that’s enough to make it your love story. You might think he doesn’t love you, but you’re very wrong. He loves you more even. He’s willing and happy to fight for you. You might not believe him now, but you will. He has a plan to prove his devotion.

The hardest part was convincing you to come. Childe hopes that when you finally agreed it was because you missed him and changed your mind. Realistically it’s easy to tell by your tone that wasn’t exactly the truth, and the words that follow don’t help much either: We can talk, you can explain and that’s it. Still, you agreed to see him and that was enough. He can do the rest.

When you knock, Childe is too excited to notice you’re a little earlier than planned. Too excited to realize he should probably change. He excitedly flings the front door open with a warm, lopsided grin plastered on his face. You must’ve wanted to see him more than you let on because your cold exterior is slowly melting away and you’re trying not to crack a smile of your own.

Yes, Childe looks a little disheveled (perhaps a tiny bit tired), but other than that he looks normal. Well, it is Halloween and Childe isn’t the one to skimp on holiday, so you’re not all that surprised to see him all dressed up for Halloween. Maybe a little surprised since he’s alone and it’s early in the day. Either way seeing the fake blood splashed all on his clothes and face is a little amusing and not exactly what you would’ve imagined him to choose costume wise, “You must be taking Tuecer trick or treating later.”

Thankfully he’s always been quick on his feet, it only takes Childe one glance down at his clothes to piece together your observation together. Great timing really. “He doesn’t know yet, but I thought I might surprise him. He asked if you would wanna come with him the other day though.” Childe ushered you in, quick to close the door behind you and ignore the way your face fell.

“You said you wanted to explain.”

“I do. I will. You said I only thought of you as someone on the side, that I didn’t love you and that’s just not even close to true. I had divorce papers drawn up before we met, with proof, they’re dated. I’ve taken you to meet my friends, my family, hell I’ve even taken you to work functions! And what do I always introduce you as?”

You assumed that perhaps it was a rhetorical question, but the more he stared at you with expectant eyes, you knew he was waiting on an answer. Challenging you to say it. “You didn’t tell me though. Why wouldn’t you tell me something as important as that?!”

“I didn’t want you to think it has any bearing on us, like you were a rebound or getting with someone who wasn’t fully committed. I had ever intention of telling you as soon as it was final. I was only waiting on a signature, which I got today.” He looked a little triumphant at that, “Come on, what do I call you?”

You did love him. It was hard not to do so. He was charming, handsome, loved spoiling you, sweet to his family, funny and sure he could get a little jealous or overprotective but in the right setting that was kind of attractive too. Your friends begged you not to meet with him. Something about how they knew you would fold when those pretty blue eyes were staring at you, that Childe always knew how to get what he wanted and you were no expedition. You would admit… your will power was starting to waver, “You haven’t even apologized to me and you’re definitely the one in the wrong.”

He drew closer, a dangerous glint in his eyes, like he knew his hard work was about to pay off. “I’m sorry. Don’t keep me in suspense though, girlie. What do I always call you?”

Childe had you wrapped in his arms before you knew it and much to his pleasure you mirrored the affection without much coercion. A sigh escaped your lips. Did you ever really stand a chance, “The love of your life.”

“Because you are. I’m all yours and I’m sorry I wasn’t forth coming at the start, but don’t don’t my devotion to you. I’d do anything for you…” Childe really meant it.

He would be getting you back tonight. Failure hadn’t been an option. He had already gotten rid of the thing keeping him from you completely (not before promising she could leave if she signed the damn paper already). The door had been locked as soon as you stepped in, literally and metaphorically. But he wouldn’t deny that seeing you willingly give into him felt so much better.

[queenshelby]

D*I*L*F (Part Ten)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 1,566

Warning: Pregnancy, Angst, Fluff

Notes: Obviously not based on Cillian’s Real Life or Family. It’s all just fiction!

PLEASE COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

Despite the tight embrace Cillian had on you when you drifted off to sleep, the following morning, you woke up alone in a cold room with the large doona wrapped around you.

The right side of Cillian’s bed was empty and the room was filled with the amazingly sweet scent of pancakes. You actually remembered Cillian’s pancakes from when you lived with him and his family. They were amazing as he had always made them from scratch and never used the awful packet mix which available for purchase at the local supermarkets.

With great appetite, you got up and stumbled into the kitchen where Cillian was standing in front of the stove, holding up the frying pan.

“Good morning” he said, but the smile he gave you didn’t seem to be sincere.

“Good morning” you responded before pouring yourself a cup of coffee whilst being prepared for a lecture from Cillian. But this lecture never came.

Caffeine wasn’t really good for the baby but Cillian had already swapped his stash of coffee for caffeine-free beans, knowing very well that you couldn’t resist your urge to have a cuppa in the morning.

“Are you okay?” you eventually asked since Cillian had been rather quiet and the truth was that he wasn’t. His mind was filled with concern and worry. Concern about his relationship with Annabelle and worry about you and his baby inside of you.

“Yeah, I am fine. You?” he said nonetheless and you nodded shyly.

***

This kind of awkwardness continued throughout the morning and it wasn’t until the afternoon, after Annabelle had called Cillian from London, that you realised what was going on.

He was feeling guilty for sharing a bed with you and being so close to you and you felt the need to reassure him that he didn’t do anything wrong.

“Nothing happened between us Cills. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We shared a bed, yes, but that was really it” you reminded him but he felt bad nonetheless.

“We did and the problem is that I actually enjoyed sharing a bed with you. We never really did this when…you know…back at my old house” Cillian stammered and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“No we didn’t. I don’t think your wife would have appreciated it” you chuckled and it was at this point that Cillian changed the topic.

“I just don’t know what to tell Annabelle about us and the baby. I need to tell her. But I don’t know how” Cillian sighed eventually before sitting down beside you.

“Just tell her how it is. We slept together a few times. We made a mistake and now, well…, you know…I am pregnant…” you chuckled before rubbing your belly with both of your hands. Sometimes you were still in disbelieve about what was happening to you. It was strange and yet it made you feel something wonderful. Something you had never felt before. Unconditional Love.

“She wants children Y/N” Cillian then told you and you still didn’t see the issue in what he was saying.

“Then have children with her. It’s not that you can’t afford it” you chuckled but Cillian shook his head.

“I told her about a month ago that I don’t want any more children. I told her that I was done having children and that she had to accept this. But now, I am having a child with you. It’s just fucking irony, isn’t it?” Cillian said and you began to realise how hurt she would be if she found out about your child being Cillian’s child.

“You know you still have a choice Cillian. I don’t have to put you on the birth certificate if you don’t want to be involved” you offered him but, again, he shook his head and laughed.

“Don’t be ridiculous” he said before carrying on with a smile which, this time, was sincere and genuine.

“The strange thing is, I already love our daughter and I know that I want to be part of her life and, if I had to choose between her and Annabelle, I would choose her any day. She is my daughter and I need to be there for her. I have to be there for her. She needs a father and that isn’t negotiable” Cillian explained before pausing briefly.

“Talking of which, have you thought about a name for her yet?” Cillian then went on, clearly wanting to change the topic and, of course, you had some ideas in your head already in so far as names were concerned.

“I think I want to go with Charlotte or Summer. What do you think?” you asked before taking Cillian’s hand again and placing it onto your round belly once more, showing him that you appreciated the fact that he wanted to be involved.

“Charlotte for sure” Cillian confirmed with a smile before moving closer towards you and, whilst it was strange and somewhat unexpected, you loved feeling his closeness. This was at least until you realised that you had forgotten something very important at your house. Your asthma inhaler.

***

Knowing very well how important your medication was for you, Cillian drove you back to your apartment which was just ten minutes away from his house.

After parking his car in the guest parking area downstairs, he helped you up three flights of stairs and, after you finally entered your apartment, you began to look around for your spray.

Seeing that Robert had been at your apartment for the past two days, it wasn’t exactly tidy and Cillian couldn’t help himself but make a remark about it.

“Jesus, that kid is messy” he chuckled before asking you what he was doing at your place without you being there.

“He’s 25 Cills. He isn’t a child” you lectured him first before explaining to him that he had a few arguments with his mother recently and was staying at your house for a few days.

“His mother? He is 25 and lives with his parents?” Cillian chuckled but then stopped teasing you about your boyfriend after, clearly, you were getting frustrated with him because of it.

“Where is he anyway?” Cillian wondered nonetheless and you explained to him that he was at work.

Then, after about ten minutes of searching around your place, you still couldn’t find what you were looking for and told Cillian that you may have left it in Robert’s car. He was driving you to an appointment about a week ago and you recalled having used it on the way to the clinic that day.

“I will go and have a look for it then. Any idea where in his car it may be?”  Cillian asked, wanting you to give him the keys to Robert’s car but you shook your head.

“I should go and have a look for it myself. I can’t really let you look through my boyfriend’s car” you chuckled but Cillian insisted.

“No, you should rest. You’ve been on your feet for far too long already and it is not that I am going to drive off with Robert’s Mazda, right?” Cillian told you, insisting that you give him the keys to Robert’s car and, eventually, after some initial hesitation, you complied with his request.

With the keys in his pocket, Cillian went into parking lot adjacent to the apartment block and searched out Robert’s car.

It didn’t take him long to find it and, after opening the passenger door, he began searching for your inhaler.

Unfortunately for him, Robert’s car was even more messy than your apartment and he looked literally everywhere without any luck of finding it.

After a little while, he decided to look in the glove box, wondering if you may have put it in there after using it and, when he opened it, a stash of letters and a bag containing a green substance came flying out of the compartment.

“Fuck, seriously?” Cillian said to himself in anger as he picked up the bag at first and, after looking at it with a bit more effort, he realised that it was cannabis inside the bag.

Whilst he didn’t really care about the fact that Robert was possibly smoking weed, it concerned him that he kept this substance in his car which meant that he may have also been driving with you in his car while under the influence of drugs.

But what concerned Cillian even more than the bag of cannabis he found in Robert’s car was one of the nine letters that had dropped out of the glovebox.

Needless to say, Cillian was nosy and unfolded the letters, one by one before reading through them.

The last of the letters he picked up caused his chin to drop. It was a court document attaching a notice from the local police, requiring his attendance at the family courts.

There was an AVO in place against Robert which he seemed to have breached continuously and it looked as though he had a child for whom he had never bothered to provide any financial support whatsoever, causing the authorities to bring a claim for 20,000Euro against him.

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[aboutapeachparty]

Stray Kids | bringing your child to the doctor for the first time

reaction | hyung line

genre ➸ romance, fluff, husband & dad! au

disclaimer ➸ This is a work of fiction. I don't own any famous character(s) - like idols - and my writings are in no way meant to show these people’s real nature and/or offend them in any way.

chan.

You have just been out of town because you and your friends agreed to go on a little girl trip. You have been very busy with motherhood since you and Chan had your baby girl. Your friends were last for a long time. But for your birthday they gave you a weekend at a spa and you were really looking forward to it. But it was also the first weekend for Chan alone with your daughter. And that night the little girl got a fever. High fever. At first, Chan thought that she couldn't sleep because you weren't there. After all, she was most used to you. But her face grew redder and redder and her body glowed. "Do you have a fever?" Chan stood in front of her bed in a panic and talked more to himself because the little girl just cried more and more. "Okay, where was the temperature monitor?" He would love to call you, but he didn't want to ruin your weekend. When he looked in the corner, he saw a box on the shelf that was labeled "Medicines". Immediately he ran over there and rummaged around and found something. "Thank God your mother is a neat freak," he said with a grin and went to his daughter with the temperature monitor. And as he had feared, she had a fever. The display read 39.5 degrees Celsius, but Chan couldn't do anything with it. Was it high or just increased? When does a baby have a fever? Slowly he panicked and didn't quite know what to do anymore. His daughter kept screaming loudly and he couldn't just leave her here. "Okay, come to Daddy," he said then gently and put his girl over his shoulder. But she didn't calm down. He picked up his phone and looked for the symptoms and found that this temperature is relatively high for a 6-month-old child and immediately decides to take her to the hospital. He dressed his daughter even when she was hot because he was still afraid that she would catch a cold. But that makes her scream even louder. She was hot from the fever and the jacket didn't make it any better. He took it off again and tried to put her in the child car seat.

"Hold on. We're going to the hospital in a moment." He tried to calm her down, but the little girl was too sick to notice her daddy. Chan drove off and he was glad that the nearest pediatric hospital was close by. After parking, he grabbed his daughter, held her tight to his chest, and ran. "I need a pediatrician, right now!" Chan was out of breath when he arrived at the reception and the receptionist looked at him in surprise but smiled gently when she saw his daughter. She was quiet now because she was so exhausted. She tried to cry now and then and to cling to her father, but she was already very weak. After all, she hadn't slept in hours and the fever was exhausting her. "Oh dear, is she sick?" Asked the woman and smiled. "She has a high fever. I read on the Internet that it is dangerous and I don't know ... my wife is not there and ... What do you do when a baby has a fever?" Chan was in a panic and hoped to be able to help his daughter soon. The woman nodded gently and smiled. "Everything is fine. I'll call a pediatrician right away." Chan thanked her and stood aside. Again and again, he stroked his daughter's back gently and hummed something to her. The girl became calmer, but she kept whimpering. Chan saw how exhausted she was, but she still fought so hard. "Christopher Bang?" He heard a voice and immediately turned around. A doctor had come and Chan immediately approached him. "My daughter, she has a high fever," he said immediately and the doctor immediately looked at his girl. But he could see right away that it wasn't anything serious. "At first, come in," he said with a soft smile and led the two of them into the practice. The pediatrician examined the child and he quickly came to his conclusion. "Fever is relatively normal for children. It can happen sometimes. It doesn't seem serious. She now needs special care and attention, bed rest and let the child drink about every half hour." The doctor smiled and Chan took his daughter back onto his lap. "Not more?" He was quite surprised. "It's all good. But please don't wrap your daughter so tightly in warm clothes." The doctor pointed to the jacket that Chan also had in his hand. "Oh, I didn't know ..." Chan was completely mistaken, that was all quite a lot. "The first child?" Asked the pediatrician and Chan nodded. "You learn with time. Everything is fine, but if the fever persists, just come back tomorrow." "Thank you, doctor," said Chan and let out a sigh of relief. Then he said goodbye and went out of the room. "Mummy will be proud of us when she comes home that we did it so well," said Chan and kissed his daughter on the hot forehead, who slowly closed her eyes.

minho.

"Y/N." Minho came into the bedroom with your daughter in his arms and looked at you seriously. "Mhmm?" You actually wanted your peace and quiet because your day was incredibly stressful. All-day you had been waiting to watch your favorite series and were glad that Minho put your daughter to bed. "We have to take her to the hospital. Her rash is getting bigger and bigger." "It's not serious," you say and look at Minho, shaking your head. Then you look back to the television and turn up the volume. "Can't you stand behind us? Our daughter is sick!" Minho looked at you in disbelief and didn't believe how indifferent you could be. But the truth was, your girl had rashes many times, and you've told Minho a hundred times not to worry. "Good, then take her to the hospital," you say with a shrug and make yourself comfortable in bed again. "Unbelievable," said Minho with a sigh and walked out of the bedroom. He was always very overprotective with his daughter. So he drove off and rushed to the hospital. When Minho arrived at the hospital, he was immediately sent to the nearest pediatrician. Probably more because he caused stress to the whole workforce. But after a short examination, the pediatrician was able to give him a diagnosis. "She has no fever and the rash seems to have subsided again. I'll prescribe an ointment for her and it should be fine again." The doctor started to write something on a pad, but Minho was not satisfied with it. "Just a rash? Look at it? Look how red it is." Minho pointed to the red spots on his daughter. "Yes, that happens a lot with toddlers." The doctor smiled but Minho immediately dressed his daughter and pulled her to him. "Have you even studied? Are you a doctor at all?" Minho was a little too worried about his daughter. That was exactly why you didn't come with them. "Excuse me?" The pediatrician was really perplexed by the cheeky answer. But Minho already had his daughter in his arms and ran out of the room. He had to find another solution, but it was quite late now. Then it occurred to him that his cousin, whom he didn't like, was also a doctor. Actually, he avoided him, because his mother always wanted him to send his daughter to him and he thought that he was annoying. But now his daughter's health was more important. After a long phone call, Minho persuaded his cousin that he could come over with his daughter. However, he reluctantly agreed. "I know I called you late at night and threatened to kill your dog, but thanks for coming," Minho said and walked into the apartment. "It's not like a doctor needs sleep," said Minoh's cousin annoyed, and sat down on the sofa. "She has a rash and the idiot in the hospital said it is nothing." Minho gently removed his daughter's shirt to show his cousin the rash. He examined everything, took her temperature, and listened to her breathing. But he had to say the same as the doctor said in the hospital. "She has a harmless rash. Many children of that age have that." The cousin could no more determine. "I knew you were an idiot," said Minho, taking his daughter back. His cousin sighed but was too tired to say anything. Minho immediately ran out of the apartment and got back in the car with his daughter. Even though he was angry that no one was taking his baby's symptoms seriously, he decided to go home. "How was it?" You ask when they were back in your bedroom. "The doctor was an idiot, then I went to my idiot cousin, but he's an idiot too," Minho said defiantly, looking at your daughter. "You were with your cousin?" You ask him with a laugh. "Biggest mistake of my life. He will accuse me of that until his death." Minho rolled his eyes and leaned back into the bed. After all, he was pretty tired after the whole tour. "You're a good dad," you say with a smile and give him a kiss. Then you grab a cream from your drawer and start applying it on your daughter's rash. "Look, that helps her," you say and look at your daughter, who is now fast asleep. But when you don't hear any more reaction, you look over at Minho and see that he was asleep too.

changbin.

"Daddyyyyyyyy." Changbin heard his son crying from his room. It was still early in the morning and actually, he was usually still sleeping at that time. "What's wrong?" He asked when he saw him come into the kitchen. The little boy had glassy eyes. "Ouch." The boy pointed in his mouth and Changbin crouched down to take a closer look. "Oh, it's all red." He felt his son's neck and found that it was completely swollen. "It hurts so much, Daddy," said the boy and started to sob. He wiped away his tears with the palm of his hand and tried to be brave. "Well, let's call Mummy then." To be honest, Changbin didn't know what to do. So he immediately picked up his phone to call you. But you've already been to work and in an important meeting. So you couldn't answer immediately. In the meantime, your son sat on the floor and cried silently. He held his small hands to his neck and he looked at the floor. Changbin looked at him and took a deep breath. "Good. She's got the pediatrician's number somewhere here." Changbin went through the apartment and searched everything. "Daddyyyyy," the little boy continued whimpering. Changbin was starting to get stressed and he knew he had to react quickly. "Yes, yes. Daddy is already looking for a solution." He looks desperately through the apartment, but then there was a glimmer of hope. There was a note on the refrigerator that said "Emergency". Immediately he went up to it and could already see the number from the pediatrician. "Yes, this is it," he said happily and immediately typed the number. "Daddyyyyyy," the boy continued to whimper, and Changbin sat down with him and let his head rest on his lap. He continued to cry softly and Changbin gently stroked his back. "Practice Doctor Yen." A female voice answered. "Hello, my son is in pain and has a red throat. Do you still have an appointment?" Changbin found himself using his rapper voice and talking way too fast. "Yes, of course, you can come over right now," said the woman kindly and Changbin breathed a sigh of relief. After he hung up, he looked at his son. "We'll get you dressed now and then we'll go to the doctor," Changbin said quietly, but the little boy didn't want that. "No doctor," he said and cried even more. "But you are in pain and the doctor will help you," he tried to explain. "But the doctor stings," said the little boy, sobbing again. "No, he doesn't sting. You won't get a vaccination. He just looks into your mouth," Changbin told his son and gave him an encouraging smile. The boy nodded and so the two were ready to go to the doctor. Changbin became more and more nervous along the way. He wrote you a message so you would know and hoped that he would manage it all. At the doctor's, the little boy was almost braver than his father. While Changbin almost fell off his chair because of his nervousness, his son was very calm when the doctor examined him. "His tonsils are swollen and sore. I'll prescribe something and everything should be fine." The pediatrician smiled and stroked the child's head. The little boy smiled, and Changbin was so proud of him that he was so brave. Almost braver than himself. "And because you were so good, there is a reward," said the doctor and took something out. "LOLLIPOP!" The boy yelled excitedly, his eyes sparkling when he saw the candy. "It's for you." The pediatrician handed him the lollipop and the little boy grinned. As if his pain was completely forgotten and Changbin was just glad that everything went well.

masterlist.

[angstysebfan]

The Past Can Break You - 7

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

AU: Avengers

Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?

A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.

Warning:

--

Dot lays on her bed, hands under her head, staring at the ceiling, wondering. It’s been a week since you ran away from Bucky. Bucky has been locked away in his room ever sense, and hasn’t come to see her yet. I mean I get he had feelings for you, but enough is enough. Bucky has to know that you were not the one he was meant to be with. The fact that she managed to find him nearly a century later is fate. Surely Bucky knows that.

Suddenly there is a knock on her door, bringing Dot out of her thoughts. She opens and sees Bucky standing there, looking tired. 

“Oh Jamie, what is wrong?” Dot asks innocently enough.

Bucky looks at her with sad eyes, “Y/N left me. She didn’t tell me why, but she left me. I-I feel so foolish. I thought she loved me,” he said as tears came to his eyes.

Dot pulls him into a tight hug. And of course because he cannot see her face, she smirks in victory. After some time Bucky pulls back. Dot grabs his flesh hand and pulls him into her room and toward her bed.

“I’m so sorry this happened Jamie. When did she leave?” Dot asked.

“Last week,” Bucky said looking away. “I have been trying to find her, but she has made it nearly impossible. Should have known not to trust one of the best spies in the world.” Bucky says.

Dot furrows her brows, “She is a spy? I thought you were all were Avengers.”

Bucky looked at her, “The Avengers are made up of all different people with different skills and powers to fight the evil in this world. Y/N was kidnapped as a child and turned into a spy. Natasha helped her escape and now she is... or was... an Avenger. She always felt we were her family, so I must have done something if she was willing to leave. I just wish I knew what,” Bucky said.

“Jamie, I know you love her, but obviously she didn’t love you as much as you thought. You need to stop thinking about what you could have possibly done wrong and move on. Now I want to hear more about the different skills and powers you were talking about with the Avengers. I mean I have lived here for several months and know nothing about this,” Dot says.

Bucky looks at her with a mix of shock and annoyance, but shakes his head, “Uh, well you know Steve has the super soldier serum, Tony is a genius and has made suits that can do anything, Natasha is also a spy from the Red Room, Clint is a spy and the best shot I’ve ever seen, Sam can fly and was in the military, Wanda has powers and can read minds, Vision is a robot from the same source that Wanda got her powers from, and Thor is a god from another planet,” Bucky said quickly.

Dot paled a little, especially hearing Wanda can read minds. She looked at Bucky, “And... and you?” she asks quietly.

It took a lot to not smirk at the scared expression on her face, but Bucky leaned in, “Me? Well, I was taken by Hydra, given a similar serum like Steve, and was brainwashed to become the greatest assassin in the world. they would freeze me until they needed me and I would kill anyone they wanted, and any witnesses. Unfortunately that included Tony’s parents, but he and I have made up so to speak,” Bucky says.

He watches Dot pale more as she suddenly looks frighten of the man on her bed, “How... how could you not tell me that before? We spent so much time together and you.. you never mentioned any of this,” Dot said.

Bucky looked at her and tried to seem sincere, “Does it matter? I mean as you said maybe this is fate, the two of us being here, in this time, together. I mean I do miss Y/N, but maybe this is a sign that I need to stop fighting the feelings I have... for you,” Bucky said.

“Jamie... I-,” Dot hesitates.

“Surely you still love me like you said you do, now knowing my past,” Bucky says.

Dot swallowed and put on a brave face, “Y-Yes Jamie. I-I still love you,” She says.

--

You wait in the conference room, knee shaking under the table as Steve and Nat sit in front of you.

“Y/N, you have to calm down,” Nat says.

“I’m trying but this is taking too long. What if it doesn’t work. What if--”

You are cut off by the door opening and Bucky walking in. You both stop and stare at each other. Your heart beats quickly in your chest as your stare into his blue eyes. He stares right back into your Y/E/C eyes.

“So? Did it work?” Nat asked, snapping you both out of your staring contest. Bucky looked at Nat, and then back at you before he smirked.

“She is terrified, but is going to pretend she can handle being with me. This should be easy,” he says.

You smile and look at Nat you nods, “Good, step 1 complete. The bitch knows who she is dealing with. Now Barnes, I need you to seduce her. Make her think that you are interested. We need this to go on for a bit before she snaps, which she will. Or I’ll snap her like a twig,” Natasha says.

Nat continues to talk about the beat down she wants to give Dot, while you and Bucky go back to staring at each other. Bucky walks around the table to stand in front of you, “She thinks you are still gone,” he says softly.

You nod, “Good. She needs to think she won.”

“Can we talk, alone? Tonight? Maybe on the roof?” Bucky asks.

You take a deep breath and look down at your hands, “I... sure, Buck. Once Dot has gone to sleep. You belong to her now,” you say.

Bucky steps closer, “I know you know the truth, but please know that everything that I am doing now is to make her pay for hurting you. If I belong to anyone, it’s you, baby,” he says before kissing your forehead and leaving the room.

You take a shuddering breath as tears come to your eyes. You know Bucky is innocent, but all you can hear are the words his voice said to her. Bucky still doesn’t know what happened, but you know he will ask you relentlessly until you tell him.

You have to keep your eye on the prize. Dot needed to pay for what she has done. But when it’s over, will you be able to get over everything and still be with Bucky? Will this plan drive you further apart?

--

Chapter 6 / Chapter 8

So what do you think the overall plan is? Will the reader be able to ignore the fact that Bucky needs to seduce Dot, while she is still in pain about everything? Feedback is appreciated.

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[marvelouslytrekking]

26: “ I’m dying. ” with Bones??

Promise Me

Summary: You catch an unknown alien disease that is spreading through your body rapidly without much hope. Word Count: 1231 Warning: Mention of disease, mention of death, no medical knowledge or reasoning whatsoever. It's fiction just go with it. A/N: Listen I almost went with something just cute and fun and light but then this came to mind so this is what you get. Think of it as payback for that Din fic! Hope everyone enjoys some angst!

It started as just a light cough, really nothing that was even bothering you. You were working on some old parts in engineering and assumed that you had just inhaled too much of the dust, really nothing to worry about.

However, the coughing only seems to get worse, and you soon found it hard to even breathe. You thought maybe trying to take a sip of water would help but it only caused a coughing fit that you couldn’t seem to stop. Luckily another engineer heard the commission when you fell over as you tried to catch your breath.

Before you knew it a med team was in front of you offering oxygen through a mask. It seemed to help a little, giving you the chance to calm your breathing down, but it still felt as though your throat was almost fully closed.

As you were rushed into Medbay you saw Leonard out of the corner of your eye, you could see the tension in his body. Protocol didn’t allow him to treat you, but you had full faith in Dr. M’Benga.

“We’re gonna have to put you under, it’ll help to relax your throat and lungs.” He calmly informed you as you continued to cough. You were soon injected with a hypo and immediately felt the effects.

You woke up feeling worse than you ever had in your life, like a truck had run you over and then backed up and ran you over again. Maybe even just an entire starship hitting you would feel better than this.

“Hey you’re awake!” You heard the relief in Leonard’s voice. “How’d you feel?”

“Like death personified”

“You’re well enough to be your dramatic self I see.” He chucked, but you didn’t miss the concern and worry that was laced in his voice.

“What’s wrong with me?” You asked, hesitantly.

“You seemed to have picked up an alien virus, we’re not sure exactly what it is.” He told you as gently as he could.

“Why am I not quarantined then?” You asked, concerned for the rest of the crew.

“We already determined it isn’t contagious. You seemed to have got it right from the source.” He assured you.

“But I haven’t been on any away missions lately.”

“We know. M’Benga thinks it has just been dormant in your system for a while, and something must have triggered it. We have no idea where you got it from.” He told you, you could tell that it was definitely bad news.

You wanted to continue to ask him more questions but you also knew that he technically wasn’t even your doctor and M’Benga would be in shortly so you only nodded in response.

“Do you mind if I step out? I need to check on some of the tests that they ran, I just didn’t want to leave your side,” Len asked you softly. You chuckled, you were sure he hadn’t known what to do with himself, between wanting to never leave you but also wanting to work, you’re sure he had been antsy.

“Go, I will be here when you’re done.” You told him, ushering him away.

It wasn’t long after that M’Benga had came in to check on you. “Good to see you awake,” He smiled as you saw you slightly prompt up on the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Like someone ran me over with a shuttle.” You told him truthfully, though it didn’t cause him to laugh as you had expected.

“I am assuming Leonard told you a little about what’s going on.” He asked you.

“Yes, said I contracted an alien virus and that you don’t know where I got it from.” You relayed back to him what you knew.

“Yes, that’s true.” He nodded, “What I am sure he left out was how bad it truly is. As your doctor I think it’s only fair if you know the whole truth.”

“Okay,” You nodded, not sure what to say. You had known it was bad, Leonard’s body language had given it away, but that only caused you more unease.

“The virus is attacking your organs, and it is moving rapidly. We are working on slowing down it’s trajectory while we figure out how to stop it and then we can work on reversing any damage, but I have to be honest it is moving much quicker than we had hoped.” He told you with a solomon voice.

“How long,” You asked, trying to keep your voice calm.

“I’m afraid only a few days until you won’t be able to function, or be alert, and then after that only a few more days at most.” He informed you, “I am so sorry, but know that we are doing everything in our power to get this figured out. It is all hands on deck until we get you back on your feet.”

You nodded, not sure you would be able to speak if you tried. You were trying to wrap your head around only having a few days left. While you were left to process a lot of information M’Benga ran a few tests and did everything he could to make sure you were comfortable.

The next few hours of your day were spent with many visitors, you could tell everyone was trying to avoid the obvious that this may be the last time you see them, but it was still on everyones, including yours mind.

You were relieved when Leonard finally made his way back in the room. He had poked his head in a few times to see you but not long since you had had so many other visitors.

“You must be exhausted.” Leonard pointed out as you tried to keep your eyes open.

“Very,” You admitted, “Can you come lay with me?”

“I don’t think we’ll both fit comfortably,”

“I don’t care. I just want you close.” You told him. The idea that you may only have one more day with Leonard was dawning on you.

“Okay,” He sighed, carefully crawling into the bed with you. He made sure that he wasn’t hurting you and you in turn curled into him as much as you could.

“I um, Leonard, I think we need to talk about the next few days.” You break the comfortable silence.

“What do you mean?” He asked as he ran his fingers gently along your arm.

“I just, I want you to know how much I love you, but I also need you not to blame yourself and I need you to promise me you wont shut everyone out. I need to know that you’ll be okay.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Leonard said defiantly.

“Leonard. I am dying.” You sighed, “I just need to know you’ll be okay.”

“No one is dying on my watch.”

“Len,”

“No, if I can bring Jim back from that much radiation then, the hell if I can’t cure an alien disease.” Leonard said, his hold tightly on you ever so slightly.

“But if you can’t. I need you to promise me you won’t blame yourself.” You told him, “Please just promise me that.”

“It won’t come to that.” He said desperately.

“Promise me anyway.”

“Okay, I promise, love.” Once you heard those magic words, you were able to let yourself drift off to sleep in his arms for what was possibly the last time.

[midgardianweasley]

Movie Night

Movie night

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: It’s friday night, or more commonly known as movie night for the Avengers. A horror movie was put on and Y/N isn’t feeling so brave, luckily she’s got a Romanoff nearby.

Warnings: coulrophobia (fear of clowns), mentions of the IT movie and pennywise.

Word Count: 2.5k

Идиоты. - ‘Idiots.’

Requests are open!

“I vote action movie”

“We watched an Action movie last week, Sam.” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, briefly looking up and meeting my eyes, earning a small smile in return, attempting to provide some sanity for the man.

“Plus, do you not think we’ve had enough action for one week?” Bucky grumbled, this week having taken a toll on everyone. We were all exhausted from our missions, some more than others, the soldier being one of them.

“Okay okay, no action, damn” Sam put his hands up in defeat, accepting that he wasn’t going to win this one. A few more options had been suggested, Bruce suggested rom-com, Thor suggested comedy, Vision proposed a documentary, all of which were shut down with groans and sounds of protest.

I turned to my assassin girlfriend who had been sitting beside me watching the scene unfold with an amused smirk on her face, her green eyes darting around the room whenever someone else spoke and taking sips of the drink she had in her hand. I nudged her slightly to get her attention

“Hey.”

“Hi”

“If it was up to you, what would you choose for movie night?” I asked. She morphed her face into a thoughtful one, still with a slight smile on her face, taking time to make her decision.

“If it was completely up to me? I would-”

“Aha!” Tony interrupted with a loud snap of his fingers. “I know, we haven’t watched a horror movie in a while, and the new IT movie just came out, we can watch that” He smirked, proud of his contribution to the discussion at hand. I looked around the room, praying that they would pick anything else, literally anything, even Vision’s documentary.

Unfortunately, everyone seemed to be really into it as they all shared nod’s and “yeah” “sounds good” before splitting up to go and get their snacks and blankets to bring back to the large sofa.

Although I wouldn't admit it to the rest of the group, I was absolutely terrified of clowns and have been since I was a child. If there was a clown at a birthday party or an event, I’d pretend I was sick so that my mum wouldn’t make me go. She soon noticed a pattern in my behaviour, putting the pieces together and realising that I hadn't come down with the flu three times that month, I was avoiding the ‘entertainment’ of the parties.

She tried explaining that it was just a guy in makeup and a funny suit, showing off fun tricks and jokes. However, 9 year old me still refused to attend, faking a sneeze and hiding under the blanket.

“Woah, Y/L/N, you good over there?” Tony furrowed his brows, concern written all over his face. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

I wish it was a ghost.

I regained my composure, nodding and sending a firm smile his way, hoping that would be enough to prevent any further questioning. With a shrug, he made his way out of the room and caught up with Thor to explain what ‘IT’ was.

“You don’t look so good, sure you’re okay?” Nat placed her hand on my back, rubbing small, reassuring circles with her palm. I wanted to put on a brave face and tell her I was fine, that there wasn’t a problem and my heart wasn’t racing with fear, but the look on her face, while caring and concerned, was also warning me not to lie to her. Not that i’d manage anyway, she always had ways of finding out the truth eventually.

I shook my head, letting out a small sigh and turning in my seat to address her. My eyes met hers and I felt my heart settle slightly just by looking at her, she always made me feel safe.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” She whispered, her hand coming up to rest on my cheek, her thumb stroking my cheekbone in small movements.

“It’s so silly, really.”

“Nothing is silly if it’s upsetting you Detka. Tell me.”

“It’s this movie.”

The confusion was obvious on her face, yet she stayed quiet, allowing me to elaborate.

“I just, I’ve never been the best with clowns. Ever since I was a child, I’ve had this fear of them. If I saw one, I’d run in the opposite direction, which was more often than one would think. I mean, seriously, who wants one of those things at a party? What happened to princess parties? Or tea parties!” I exclaimed, my tone becoming more intense as I spoke.

Natasha nodded, I could almost see the cogs turning in her head, figuring out how to approach the situation. After a minute or two, she focused her eyes back on me and her hands had trailed down to meet with mine, interlocking them in the process.

“Do you want to skip it tonight?” She suggested.

“No, no, I don’t want to cause a fuss. Plus, I kinda don’t want the others knowing.”

“Are you absolutely sure? I’m sure we can pull a sickie for one night.”

“I’m sure. Just, can you stay next to me? And let me hide if it gets really bad?”

“Of course you can. I’ll be next to you the whole time.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

___________________

We were at the haunted house scene in the movie. There had already been jumpscares that I'd managed to avoid for the most part, but I don’t think I've moved past Georgie’s death yet, let alone have time to process the psycho killer clown on the screen.

Eddie was in a room alone, he was staring at this dirty, old fridge and a white hand had appeared, curling itself around and tapping on the side so you could only see it’s fingers. I tugged the blanket that was laid across Natasha and i’s laps and pulled it up to my nose, eyes still on the screen, but prepared to take cover. It appears as though nothing has changed from all those years ago.

As the fridge door creaked open, my blanket had raised higher and higher, my grip tightening by the second while the hand reappeared, this time, you could see it’s entire body contorted into this small space.

“Nope. No, absolutely fucking not. No.” I mumbled, covering my eyes with my fluffy shield. Luckily, Nat had stolen the sofa at the back, meaning I could skip the scary parts without anyone taking much notice, them being too entranced by the movie. Weirdo’s.

In my safety bubble I'd created, I felt my girlfriend’s hand on my thigh, rubbing small circles to reassure me that I was okay, and that she was here. I shuffled a little so I was closer to her, if that was even possible, her then adjusting so that her hand was still on my thigh, but another arm was wrapped securely around me, pulling me into her side a little more.

I assumed we would stay like that for a bit, until she started to shift more noticeably and lifted the part of the blanket closest to her, and put it over her own head, taking me by surprise, a faint gasp leaving my lips when seeing that she’d joined me.

“You doing okay under here?” She spoke softly, a hint of amusement playing on her face as she looked at me folded up into a ball.

“I am. This blanket protects me from all.”

“Of course it does, the fluffier it is, the more protection, right?” She quoted words i’d spoken earlier on when bringing in the blanket for us.

“Are you sure you’re not going to boil under there?”

“Nope. And even if I do, the fluffier the blanket, the more protection from cannibal clowns.” I’d explained proudly. Yes, I'm an Avenger that fights extraterrestrials and demigods and still runs to a blanket for safety, leave me alone.

We stayed under there for a minute or two, holding hands and sharing small kisses while the movie continued and we hid in our little bubble.

“C’mon lovebirds, the movie isn’t over yet, you can continue that when we’ve gone to bed if you must.” Stark called out, causing Natasha to roll her eyes and retreat back to her previous position.

I don’t know what ran through my mind, I clearly didn’t think twice about the situation I was in, my default being to follow Natasha and pull the blanket down and off my head. Upon resurfacing from my cocoon, I looked towards the Television. Bad idea. With a shriek that I'm almost certain could be heard from Asgard, I flew under the blanket again after seeing Pennywise with all of his teeth on show, edging towards Eddie to eat him.

Natasha’s arms wound their way around me again, slightly shaking now from the fright. Even though the blanket tended to muffle sounds, I could hear the room fill with laughter and comments from the Avengers.

“I didn’t know your voice could go that high Y/L/N”

“Pennywise! You scared Y/N!”

“Y/N, it’s literally-”

“How about you guys shut up and watch the movie? Otherwise I swear to god Thor, I’ll bring snakes in here and Sam, I’ll cut the wings off of your suit.” I heard the redhead next to me threaten, alongside some more punishments to the others who laughed, immediately silencing them, all of them knowing that she wasn’t one for an empty threat.

Even though the laughter died down and no more words were spoken, tears still built up in my eyes and were daring to fall down my cheeks. I feel so embarrassed. A room full of superheroes and I was scared to death over a fictional clown in front of all of them.

I tried to keep my sniffles to a minimum and at a level where no one could hear me, however, they seemed to have caught Nat’s attention as she whispered to me, loud enough for me to hear, but quietly so that it was only me that could hear.

“Mind if I come in?”

I chose not to verbally respond, instead, I pulled the edge of the blanket up, allowing her to bend down and make her way underneath. After making herself comfortable, she turned to me and did, what felt like study, my face before tutting under her breath.

“Идиоты. Are you okay?” I smiled at her speaking Russian. She often switched between the two, interchanging within sentences. I’d been around her enough to pick up on some of the terms, funnily enough she’d said that word so often, my understanding was immediate.

“Feeling a bit humiliated” My voice came out weak and slightly gravelly from the crying, her thumb immediately wiped the tears off of my cheeks, lingering afterwards.

“Don’t be. Everyone has their fears, you shouldn’t be embarrassed by having them. Okay? It just means you're human.” She patiently explained, sparking a question to leave my lips before realising.

“Do you have a fear?”

She smiled “mhm”

“Can I know what it is?”

She leaned in closer to me, lips hovering beside my ear so I could feel and hear her breathing quietly.

“Идиоты” She whispered, resulting in me clamping my hand over my mouth to limit the noise my laughter was making.

“There’s that smile I love.” She took my chin in her index finger and her thumb, her face once again, coming closer towards mine before our lips met in the middle, sharing a soft, quick kiss, distracting me from any embarrassment i’d previously felt.

________________

The movie had just finished, everyone was getting up and starting to clear up any mess they’d made, mainly popcorn that had fallen everywhere, Wanda and Vision being the main culprit, jumping at the scary parts had caused a popcorn avalanche near their seats.

Nat and I gathered our blankets and snacks we’d brought in, trying to ignore the slight tension hanging in the air, and just as we were about to walk to our bedroom, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Peter.

Rocking back and forth on his heels and fidgeting with his hands, he smiled.

“Hey, uh- miss Y/L/N. Miss Romanoff, sorry, I just wanted to come and make sure you were okay.” He rushed, clearly anxious to approach us considering the telling off Natasha gave everyone earlier.

“I’m okay, thank you Peter. You can call me Y/N by the way, ‘miss’ makes me feel old.” I chuckled, visibly seeing his shoulders relax at my response, he was really sweet, never wanting to get on anyone’s bad side. He’s a good kid.

“Sorry mi-,Y/N, sorry, I’ll remember for next time. That movie was pretty freaky, if there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”

“I will, thank you.”

Feeling more relaxed, I made a slow but steady beeline for the bedroom, wanting to have cuddles with Nat and go to sleep, hopefully forget the movie ever happened. Soon enough, we were both changed into a vest top, I wore a pair of shorts and Nat wore a pair of sweats and we were in bed, facing each other with our legs tangled together, our noses bumping every so often.

“I love you” I mumbled in between kisses, eyes opening briefly to be met by her green orbs looking back at me.

“I love you more, Detka.”

A silence then overtook the room, only being able to hear the breeze outside and a slight whistle from where it was flying through the trees. I’d usually adore this, finding peace in the wind and the darkness, tonight however, it felt unsettling. All I could hear in my head was the soundtrack to the movie, picturing the bloody teeth and that creepy smile from earlier in my head.

“Love?” I nudged my girlfriend’s nose gently, hoping she was still somewhat awake.

“Mhmm?”

“Can you, can you possibly sing to me?” Her eyes fluttered open, a sleepy smile on her face, wrapping her arms tightly around me before humming a quiet melody, sending me into a blissful sleep.

By noon the next day, I had received apologies from everyone in the compound, a couple of bone crushing hugs from Thor and some complementary pancakes that Wanda had made with some help from Bruce, aprons on and covered in flour. Everyone tucked into their individual stacks, enjoying some lighthearted conversation, Nat taking the opportunity to press a small kiss to the back of my hand, I quickly returned the gesture. It was lovely.

Movie night was a rollercoaster, but at the end of the day, I was surrounded by the best people, and nothing would change that, not even the fear of clowns.

Though they’re still really fucking scary.

taglist: @the-dumbass-that-throws-knives

[catzula]

tell me where you are, honey

So, I should tell you that that this is not my fiction, its heavily based on real life. If you want to check it out, the mentioned band is a Turkish band called 'Duman'.

Genre and warnings: hey guys? This is pure angst. Just angst. Heavy heavy angst. First of all, major character death (not Suna), tw: mentions of suicide, tw: mentions of death, tw: mentions of depression and anxiety, mentions of alcohol, if there's anything else please tell me!

Suna closes his eyes as he sings the words, trying to forget the uneasy feeling stirring in his chest. 

He feels the sweat drip from the sides of his face, making him glisten under the blueish lights of the bar. 

A chilly wind makes his overheated body shiver. Your face comes before his eyes, and Suna can't help the bitter smile finding its way on his lips. He stopped taking song requests a long time ago, so instead, he leans to the mic and asks how's the night going with a broken but charming smile that makes the crowd excited.

It has been a while. Suna shouldn't feel a lump in his throat, a stinging in his eyes. But he does. He can't help it when a fan calls out to him, asking for the song. 

Reminding the rest of his fans of the song, they start chanting the name of it like it's a prayer, holding a rhythm and hoping for him to sing it.

The song he hasn't sang in a long, long time.

The choking feeling is instant, the heaviness pressuring his chest, making it impossible for him to breathe in the foggy room. Atsumu interjects, telling the fans to cut it out, that they are well aware Suna won't, can't sing it.

Osamu sends a glimpse at the lead singer's direction, not surprised to see his fox-like, almost lifeless-looking eyes already damp. Suna runs a hand through his hair frustratedly, Osamu can't tell what he's thinking, but it appears hard on him. 

Atsumu cocks his head when Suna backs away from the mic. "It's okay," he grits his teeth, he looks like he's in pain. "I think- I think I can sing it this once."

The truth is, Suna missed you this song. Suna missed the song he knew that you loved so much. So he sends a smile to the crowd, picking the mic and biting his lip. It was a song he promised he would never sing again, never again after that last time.

But here he is, hoping you could hear it.

"Darling, you are my honey," Suna sings, and it comes out as choked and strained, but the fans are just surprised he actually did sing it.

It's the first familiar chords that cause him to choke on his breath. Suna's already crying, and if the fans looked closely, they could see the others are, too.

Suna's mind wanders off to the last time he sang the song, the last time he spoke those words. 

It's the first big concert his band was going to do. Suna had been trying to make it happen for months now, and if it went well, it would be a big turn point in their careers. 

"Can't you- can't you come a little earlier today?"

"Rin, where are you?" He heard you say from the other side of the line, making him sigh in annoyance. "I've been texting you all day!" Suna pinched the bridge of his nose. He was already aware you were texting him every five fucking minutes, and that was the very reason he hadn't opened one of them. "I'll be home in a few hours." He grumbled, almost inaudible, but you managed to hear him.

He didn't think much about the few seconds of silence that followed his answer.

Your voice was a mere whisper, and you sounded so sad, almost desperate, and Suna closed his eyes. "We have a fucking concert today. We're doing the last cheks." He sighed when you stay silent. "I'll try to come a little earlier."

"Okay, I love you, Rin." He heard you smile, and it made the weight on his chest feel a little lighter. "Love ya too, honey."

Honey. 

It wasn't a word anyone would expect Suna to speak, but it was what he always called you. He always said it with so much emotion, so much thought and love, and it never failed to make your heart skip a beat.

"You taste like honey." He once told you when you asked him, leaning in with a smile and stealing a kiss.

It was your favorite song.

"My soul is already addicted to your taste," Suna sighs the words. The fans are surprisingly silent, watching their favorite singer shake with wtiholded sobs at the lyrics and the love he lost. It's obvious he's out of it, lost in the memories, holding the mic so tight that his knuckles turn white. 

Your love story was one of the most famous ones at the time, more than Suna himself, and was known by almost everyone.

But lately, you had started to feel like it was dying. 

It wasn't, of course. Suna loved you more than he did anything else, and you loved him more than life itself. It wasn't anything in particular that made you feel that way, too. Many little things combined, the depression you were falling into, the stress he was under, the more than often fights happening lately.

Your relationship wasn't the best lately, that, you admitted. Suna was rarely at home. You only saw him a few minutes each day, and that if you were lucky. Even when he was at home, all you ever did was to fight. Not even about anything worth fighting, but they always caused broken hearts on both sides. 

Despite all the stress building over him, Suna was trying to make it better, too. Making compromises of himself, agreeing with you in fights despite your nonsense arguments, not saying anything about you blowing up on the smallest things. 

"Where are you...love..." He cries. He should've thought more, cared more. Suna was guilty of not thinking why you were acting like this instead of how to stop it. He was busy with the upcoming concerts, their band was about to turn the corner, but that couldn't be an excuse.

Suna had gone home after his band practice that day. The apartment was dark, so silent, it scared him until he opened the lights and found you lying on the couch. 

You weren't sleeping, he thought it was because you wanted to see him, but it was because of the anxious thoughts roaming in your mind. Suna should've seen the trembling of your hands, how cold you felt, how limp and numb you seemed. 

"You stink." Those were the first words you told him, your face souring when you took note of the alcohol and cigarettes clinging on him like a second skin. "Did you drink?" You sounded suspicious.

"No, I already told you we were practicing."

"Then why do you smell like this?" Suna gritted his teeth when yiur voice raised, resembling a shout.

"Because we work at a fucking bar? You know all this, why the fuck are you acting like this?" Suna sneered, it was only for a second he had lost control, but it was enough for your face to contort with hurt. 

You felt guilty when he sighed, seemingly admitting defeat. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? But I'm already stressed enough for the concert, and I can't deal with this shit right now." You watched your boyfriend run his fingers through his hair, his words hurting you more than they should. You were acting nonsensible, you knew, but you couldn't stop.

"This shit? You mean me?" Your voice was now a little higher, making him flinch. "Y/N, for fucks sake! You know I didn't mean that!"

"Tell me where are you, honey,"  There were things you were dealing with, shit he didn't know, you hadn't told. He couldn't have known, he couldn't have known, but he should've. If he had, Suna would never have told you all those that day. He wouldn't have made you cry, sob in the room, dark and by yourself. 

He would've stayed with you, told you he was there, that he loved you, everything would be fine. Honey, he would call you. But he hadn't. Instead, he chose to act selfishly.

"Stop being so fucking pushy." He had told you when you asked where they practiced, who else was there but the Miya's, who was that girl you saw in a picture with him, which was taken months ago, why were they standing so close? It was an argument you had gone over five times already, he had told you it was Atsumu's friend and nothing else, but you kept bringing it up.

"Just give me some space, goddammit! You're suffocating me!" Suna shouted. It was rare to see Suna raise his voice, and it made you freeze in your place. You looked in his slitted eyes, only seeing hate, disgust swimming in those greens. 

You didn't say it, but Suna noticed something was wrong, and you were crying too hard, so hard he feared you were going to pass out. "Hey, hey- I'm sorry." He muttered, acting quickly to wrap his arms around your shaking body like he was the only thing holding you together.

You were wrong, and all Suna was feeling was distress, and he could never look at you with anything but love, but your anxiety told you otherwise.

Do you hate me? The question is on the tip of your tongue. It feels like everyone, everything hates you lately, hell, you yourself do, too. You only need an answer, yes or no, since you can't tell by the foggy depression blurring your thoughts.

Do you? Do you hate me? Please don't hate me, I'm sorry, please don't look at me like that.

(he was)

It felt like hours as you cried between his arms, and Suna pressed an occasional kiss to your hair. Neither of you talked, the heaviness of the fight still lingering in the air, and Suna decided to talk about it after the concert. So you just stood there between each other's arms. Maybe you would've told him you felt broken, and you couldn't take it anymore, you didn't-

It was on the tip of your tongue as he pulled back from you, pressing one last kiss on your hair. "I have to go, honey." He told you, checking the time on his phone. "I'm going to be late for the concert."

Suna didn't notice how you flinched when he pulled back, how tears gathered in your eyes, how you couldn't look him in the eyes. "Okay." He heard you whisper. Watching you smile at him, he smiled back when you leaned in to press a kiss on his lips. 

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pressed your body closer to him, surprising and making him chuckle. It was a kiss that screamed goodbye, but he was too nervous to notice. 

"A good luck kiss, I presume?" He laughed when you pulled back. "I'll see you there, yeah? Let's talk about this after."

"You are with me from now on, honey," Suna should've noticed your lack of response. If he had, maybe he wouldn't be sobbing on the stage now. He feels Atsumu pat his back, Suna's holding on his mic like it's the one thing holding him alive, sobs breaking his words, making him shake.

His fans watch him as he wipes the tears off his face with the back of his hand, the rings adorning his fingers sparkling under the dim light. 

"Tell me where you are, honey,

All the members are crying, not just him. They all loved you, and you were a part of their lives, such a lively, kind person. At the very least, you had managed to tie Suna down.

Its impossible not to cry as people who had heard his cries echoing out of your apartment that night.

You are with me from now on, honey," 

Something was different with Suna's performance that day, and all the others had noticed it. The tired-looking and feeling boy was pumped up that day. He sounded energetic, and Suna gave the best performance he ever had before.

It was all for you, Suna thought. He was singing just for you that day, something he hadn't done in a while. Picking all the songs he ever wrote for you, the ones you liked, just for you, hoping you would feel a little less angry when the concert ended. 

He was smiling the whole time he was singing, but his smile was dropping each time he gazed at the crowd and couldn't find your face, smiling back at him. Were you sitting in the back? Were you that angry with him?

The night proceeded, and the whole band knew it was a success. 

A few songs time left, Suna was frowning since he still couldn't have spotted you. There was no way you hadn't come, but you might have been hiding still. 

Deciding to pull out the big guns, Suna gave the sign to Osamu. They could tell what he had in mind, and Suna smiled with the first hearing of chords. He sang it, sang with a bitter smile, looking at the crowd to finally spot you. 

"You are my soul from now on,

You are my only part that remains alive," 

The concert came to a halt. You weren't in the crowd, and Suna was already in the middle of the song. "Suna- Suna, stop!" Osamu and Atsumu stopped playing, Suna sang the last word alone.

"What the-" He was about to shout at them for making him stop so abruptly, but the terrified look on Osamu's face made him stop. All the blood had left both their faces, and both the twins were shaking, but why were they crying?

It was hard to tell him what happened, and it might've been a mistake, too. 

Wrong time. 

You can't tell a man the love of his life died, she took her own life, right in the middle of the song dedicated just to her.  

What happened after that was a blur. 

Atsumu and Osamu tried to stop Suna from rushing back to the apartment, but he was quick. Suna had no idea how he drove back home, but he was standing in front of the door of your apartment, knocking on the door like a madman, praying you would open it for him. he would see your smiling face, greeting him, or maybe angry with him, crying, screaming- whatever. All he wanted to do was to- to-

He was punching, kicking the door, shouting and crying, crying and crying, and as more seconds that pass, Suna thought he could go crazy. 

It's a miracle when the door opened, and for a split second, Suna thought it was a lie, a cruel joke, a misunderstanding. You were here, you opened the door for him-

It wasn't you. 

You weren't the one who opened the door, but your sister. Her face was damp with tears, and Suna's eyes locked on the figure that stood behind her. 

It was the hardest thing to try and make Suna let go of you, try and calm him, stop him from pulling you back to between his arms, and never let go. 

Osamu arrived right after him. 

He arrived at a scene he would never be able to forget.

His best friend was on the floor, your body limp between his arms. Osamu couldn't hold back his cries when he heard Suna's loud cries, begging and begging for you to wake up, holding your hand, trying to warm you, he was shouting, the pain so raw in his voice, people around him feel tears pricking in their eyes.

"Please, honey, please-" He sobbed brokenly, his body was shaking like a leaf.

He sat there, sobbing in his hands, his agonizing screams audible even from the outside, sending chills down everyone nearby. They think they never in their lives heard pure pain like this in someone's voice.

Osamu and Atsumu were crying with Suna as he finally let you go. He couldn't watch as they took you away, out of the room. 

But they don't hear him crying out your name, instead, it's a sweet pet name they hear. It makes the twins shake with more cries.

honey honey honey

He figured too late, how you were battling with severe depression, how your personal life was a mess, how you needed him to be there for you. He was too late. 

Suna hadn't left the apartment for 15 days straight after that day. He didn't want to speak or see anyone, barely ate and drank. 

He refused to see his family, the twins visiting him.

No one knew what happened in those 15 days, but when he came back out, they could tell by a look he had changed. Not only physically (even though he looked like he was starving and sick), but also mentally.

It was his fault. If he had been more attentive, more at home to see you, ask you if anything was wrong, "honey, are you okay?" maybe it would've been fine. It was his fault.

Even after he left the apartment, even after he started smiling, it was evident Suna was never the same. How could he be? He had lost a part of him, no, he had lost all of him. And all that left was the shell that merely resembled him. 

Suna had tried to sing it more than he could count, but the moment he heard the first chord, he broke down crying. This was the one day he succeeded, and even though it was barely audible, it sounded like agonizing cries instead, he was singing it. 

For you. 

Can you hear me, honey?

honey, honey, honey.

[henqtic]

Can you do a draco x reader with us watching a film and reader saying how they’re crushing over a certain character

𝘭𝘦𝘰’𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦

pairing: draco malfoy x fem!reader

word count: 1.6k (1674)

authors note: just pretend that the battle of hogwarts never happened— that event ruins everything :/ and thanks for requesting !! it made me get a lot more inspiration to finish my other wips <3

masterlist. // taglist form. // request more works.

—————————

the room smelled of freshly buttered popcorn, soft drinks, and unhealthy snacks and for the same reason the night celebration was in place, strong mint gum. tonight was cleared, a time for you and draco to just relax, cuddle up within each other and have a break from everything going around.

the years after graduating a boarding school were life changing, even wizards themselves who could conjure up almost anything they’d ever want or possibly dream of but still, it was the time of realization for who and what you wanted to be.

and yes, there were the newts but they didn’t help much once you really got a look into the real world. many had found a passion in something that seemed wondrous— more fun. traveling and exploring the world, maybe even discovering more mystical creatures that hadn’t been learned in a simple care of magical creatures class and weren't seen in their own time because their parents didn't have the resources.

and some were set on everything but those test scores, a family business awaiting their sole airs take over and draco well, he was a part of that some. and surprisingly enough, even after all that time and all of those expectations set on him to live up to and stay in his family standard, he didn’t, and it was much to your encouragement.

his interest in healing sprung up in his last year of schooling coming to the conclusion that he’d been a prejudiced bully— not that he hadn’t already known that but, of course he did. but once he was left with less than five friends and a girlfriend who was steadily distancing herself further and further away from him, it set in.

so that’s where it started, him identifying nearly all of his mistakes and attempting to heal what had been broken relationships— which most never really did. but it was a change, and a good one at that, it brought him an inner joy, not for the factor of him getting things out of it like you wanting to be in his company more often but that he was mending the seemingly unfixable things.

it made him want to do that and not run a stuffy business that didn't do much but treat their workers poorly and customers even worse so he turned to medicine. observing how so many things lined up with potions, adding the right amount of this, and crushing that up the right way, to make a final product. a product that would soon heal the injured and bring a great smile to both of their faces.

but what he hadn’t realized was that being a healer took time and hard work— almost unusual to someone like him, being constantly handled things and easy ways out but with this, there was no fast tracking or getting anywhere if you didn’t have the right skill set or talents.

so to say he wasn’t ready for it would be a wrong statement. but to say he was exhausted, completely drained of all energy would be completely right. even after all of your cheering on, reminding him that it was only a few more months of studying and one big more test until he’d get to know if he earned his title of healer malfoy.

and usually, that worked, but after tonight after taking that so called big test, his mind was racked with anxiousness. if he didn’t pass, his father would be on his back, telling him how it was a waste of money and how he should've listened to him to that you’d even be disappointed in him— unlikely but as said before, there was nothing but anxious thoughts and anxious scenarios coming through.

so it was painfully clear that your natural remedies wouldn’t work, countless amount of neck kisses and back rubs and muscle soothing not sufficing so you both agreed on the last thing you couldn’t think about, a simple night with the television on, just in each other’s company to try and get his mind off of things—

“you said this was a muggle film, correct?” he called out for confirmation, eyeing the packaging of the movie you called.. the titanic?

“mhm, one of my favorite movies, i just know you’ll love it,” you said from the other side of the living room with a wide smile on your face, near close to beating a cheshire cats. the movie itself was beautiful, you couldn’t lie, the directing and acting brought tears to your eyes almost every time you watched it.

but there was ‘something’ else that could bring tears to your eyes, a gazing stare at the screen whenever his parts would come on.

draco handed you the plastic, allowing you to remove the disk and insert it into the dvd player. you quickly made your way back into the make shift bed made out of blankets and pillows and once the black screen turned green, copyrighted warnings started, you tucked yourself into his awaiting arms.

“why’d you say you loved this again?” he asked for the second time, limbs wrapped around your body as you searched for a response.

“umm, really eye catching.”

and yeah, of course, you were comfortable with him, growing up going to the same school for months at a time and then dating for a good fraction of those years. there was also the memory of a night where you two tirelessly played a game of dare or dare, multitudes of dares coming both your ways to say the most embarrassing, weird, or even azkaban worthy things you’ve done.

but it was something else telling him that you were crushing over a fictional character— who wasn’t even that since the story was true but you were crushing on the actor of that said fictional character that you had no chance with and that, well it was something better left unsaid.

and as it went on, he could see that too, the way your eyes were stuck onto the screen the other blonde was in frame— on the break of amusing how’d the only time your attention would shift is when he’d reach you another piece of popcorn, you offering a grateful smile before focusing back.

your mouth was slightly agape, opening for another piece just how the rhythm had been going, him eating one, him feeding you one, him eating one and so on but now he was beating it further and further away from before your body eventually gave up, falling on his chest.

“hey, why’d you that?” you groaned, annoyed that you were now looking at him from below instead of watching the film.

“why’d you say you picked this again?” his eyes were narrowed down at you, a sly smirk in place. you moved around, trying to remember your excuse and hide the growing smile arising to your face.

“I already told you, it’s eye catching.”

“no,no,no, who’s eye catching?” he asked again, this time correcting himself in order to get a more truthful response. you let out a half embarrassed, half astonished laugh before answering—

“if i tell you, you can’t laugh.” all he did was raise his eyebrows at you, positioning you on his lap, signaling for you to go on with two taps of his finger on your thighs.

“okay well—” you paused, a loss of words and a huff following, “all i’m saying is if jack were to run me over... i’d be the one to apologize.”

your tone of seriousness only made the barks of laughter from the boy underneath you louder, a small pout coming on your face as a response trying to not end up laughing at yourself—

“jack, are you serious? he’s one of the most basic people i’ve seen,” he said through breaths of air, slight tones of jealousy coming out making your head turn in feign sympathy.

“you do know that i’m dating you, right?”

“yea and what’s that supposed to mean?”

“your eyes are blue and hair is blonde and you’re the typical skinny wh—” you started, responding to his defensiveness in the best way possible.

“it sounds like you’re just describing him.” point completely missed. “and so what, what could a fictional character do for you that i couldn’t?” he asked with a smirk, your face saying nothing but unfazed and unamused.

“fine even though if you were listening you'd know that he’s not completely fictional, but everything. would you ever go down with me on an unsinkable ship and then let me survive only the door we could find?” you asked, sighing after like it’d been a dream of yours.

“no. love, take this as me caring for you but i don’t think we’d sink on an unsinkable ship— it’s in the name.”

“were you not listening? and stop, it’s romantic, don’t ruin this for me,” you scolded, lightly hitting his arm.

“they both could’ve gotten on, jack just wasn’t the brightest. and would you really rather date someone that daft over me?” his nose scrunched to further show his disgust, your scoff not failing to sound after.

“know what, if you were a fictional character, no one would like you.”

“sure, i bet i’d have at least two hundred of you treating me like him.” the smugness in his tone was apparent than ever. you loved him, more than anything in the world but, he wasn’t much compared to jack dawson. 

and then came the other obstacle, there not being a valid way to prove to someone like him, with such an inflated ego that no one would like a fictional character version of him. and when you repeated that, he was extremely butt hurt, still allowing his arms to reopen for you to snuggle back in.

single moments passed, another film starting to ease the argument before he spitefully grumbled, “i’d have people all over me.”

“no you wouldn’t!” you whisper shouted back tilting your head up to see his pouting face. 

“yes I would, don’t doubt me—”

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