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nonbinaryresource · 5 years ago

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ive been thinking abt this for a little while & have been needing to ask someone abt it. i am nb & have always considered myself trans but recently ive not been vibing with the trans label bc i am so sick of seeing ppl exclude & invalidate nb ppl. ik that i shouldnt stop doing smth just bc other ppl r being assholes but its so tiring to see ppl constantly say how u dont belong or arent valid. srry this is long & kinda rambly i just dont really know how to feel abt it

I will directly address your ask, but I’m going to start by telling you a story about my journey with identifying as asexual and queer.

When I was about 11, my friends suddenly started drooling over magazines and calling people hot, and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I did not feel whatever it is my friends were feeling.

Until I was about 16/17, this part of me remained a mystery to me and to my friends. I never had crushes, I never found people hot, I never liked complimenting people physically, I was uncomfortable with sex on TV, and I didn’t even like platonic touch. Now my group of friends were all repressed and closeted queer folk, so I didn’t have to deal with “being left behind” as my friends dated. But the later we got into high school, the more my friends began discovering and exploring their sexualities. A freshman became a part of our friend group and was openly trans and gay. One friend came out as gay. Another as bi. They started commenting more and more about other’s looks and having crushes.

Still, there was nothing on my end. My friends used to think I was just being vague and secretive because this is what I tended to be like. I don’t think they’ve ever realized how much of it was that I truly didn’t know or understand what my lack of sexual feelings meant or that it could even mean anything. I used to just consider it a “nothingness” of myself. Until, by complete chance, I came across the term asexual. I immediately connected with it. It explained so much that I didn’t even know I needed explained.

I came out quickly after that and I was really excited and happy and proud to know who I was and what how I felt meant. My friends were great and supportive. My mom was a little ignorant but overall supportive. AVEN was great and a community for me. But if I tried to talk about it anywhere else online…

Well, the effects of how people treated me would fester for years. See, I came out as asexual before exclusionism (the specific movement of anti-aro and anti-ace erasure and gatekeeping from lgbt+ spaces) was a movement or a named thing. Yet exclusionist attitudes were exactly what I faced. My queer friends all completely accepted me as one of them and I helped co-run our school’s new GSA with the rest of them. But online, as a teen, I was facing 30+ year olds telling me I wasn’t queer and that I was just trying to seem special and that I needed to shut up about my asexuality and my experiences and that I wasn’t valid and that asexuality wasn’t a real thing and that even if asexuality was a real thing it wasn’t valid and it certainly didn’t matter.

I graduated high school and went to college and was no longer really in touch with my group of friends. I therefore completely cut myself off from any lgbt+/queer community, even though a friend invited me to join the college’s queer association. I stopped participating so much in online asexual spaces. I become wrapped up in other things.

A couple of years went by and a lot of things in my life changed. By chance, mod applications for a blog about aro and ace headcanons for a fandom I enjoyed came across my dash. I had extra time on my hands and thought I could help, so I applied and was accepted. This increased my exposure to the aspec community again and thrust me back in… just around the time exclusionism was becoming a specific and named movement of bigotry.

At the same time I resisted these ideals, I was also still hurt and unhealed from what I’d gone through as a teen. I internalized a lot of the hatred and gatekeeping. I was so hurt and so tired. I just wanted to be able to exist in peace. And people I considered myself one of were harassing me and dismissing even my biromanticism. So I struggled with my identity and my asexuality. I did not specifically become an exclusionist, but I turned my back on the lgbt+ community and spaces. I did not consider myself lgbt+ because I learned that doing so only brought pain and upset and made me feel alone and isolated. I didn’t speak a lot on exclusionism or inclusionism, but at some point I did make a plea to my fellow aspecs to just let the larger community go and be our own community and accept that maybe we could be straight. I did it out of desperation and hurt, wanting to stop feeling targeted and attacked and to stop seeing the fighting on my dash and in the tags. I just wanted us all to be happy and feel accepted and supported.

On that post, one wonderfully kind and patient person opened up a discussion with me, explaining their own hurts over exclusionism and being so damn exhausted of them and fellow aspecs being targeted and excluded and written out and not supported and feeling like they had to split their asexuality from their other queer identities and how being asexual was a part of them and how it had strongly shaped their experiences, especially with realizing and coming to terms with the other parts of their queer identity. And through their raw honesty I came to realize… I had never stopped to process the harassment I had faced and the pain and hurt that cut me so deeply.

It was a changing point for me. I realized that I had handled my pain in a bad way and had ended up lashing out at other aspecs instead of the people who were actually hurting me. I realized how much I had hurt myself and held myself back and cut myself down and dismissed parts of myself trying to fit into the box exclusionists had laid out for me, as if I could ever made them happy enough to stop harassing me and just let me exist. I cut myself down for them, but the truth is that exclusionists don’t just want aspecs “out” of the community. They want to hurt us. They want us to hurt. They want us to doubt ourselves. They want to feel strong and powerful, and they feel they can achieve this through bullying us. Perhaps some, like myself, are trying to appeal to their oppressors by pointing out another vulnerable group they could target more/instead. They are passing on hurt instead of standing up to it and so they are actually festering in hurt instead of changing anything.

Today, I am a staunch inclusionist. I understand myself and the issues aspecs face much better. I am a more compassionate person regarding the confusion and upset aros and aces have over their identity and their place in the world. I feel more stable and confident regarding my identity as an asexual - and now as an aromantic - queer person who is lgbt+.

But it was a long, hard, difficult journey to get here. It was full of a lot of turmoil. I wish I would have had a happier journey where I felt more supported and accepted, and I hope I can help provide more stability and support for future generations to not have to go through what I did.

My point (or one among a few, anyway) is that I deeply and personally understand how you are feeling and the decision facing you now. As someone who went through a very similar experience, my advice to you is to take care of yourself and to prioritize your mental health.

It’s okay if you can’t handle identifying as trans right now. Maybe you do need some space from the label (and definitely from the hatred and gatekeeping). Maybe you need to pull back from certain communities or blogs or discussions.

However, I will say that not identifying as trans may not bring the peace you desire. It may end up making you feel even more isolated. Not identifying as LGBT+ certainly didn’t help me. It was reactionary and it only made me feel like there were less spaces for me. That said, you may find peace in this. But I think the bigger action to take is to separate yourself from those who are saying harmful things more than to separate yourself from a label you feel really suits you. Use your block button liberally. Don’t force yourself to partake in spaces where gatekeeping is allowed or encouraged. Follow and listen to more people who are inclusive.

I think burnout like this is unfortunately pretty common. You do not have to force yourself to face this hatred or exhaustion because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s okay to pull back and just take care of yourself. Just work on some self-care. Work on building up a community of people around you who don’t resort to bigotry and hatred and exorsexism and gatekeeping and identity policing. Engage only with what you can actually, honestly handle.

We will confront and move past this bigotry only by acting as a united front. The responsibility for improving things isn’t on any one person’s shoulders. And no one needs to be on the front lines 100% of the time, especially at the cost of their own wellbeing. Take care of yourself and rest now before you completely burn out and break down.

You do not have anything to prove, okay? I have both hope and faith that there is a lot more to your journey - a lot more good things and a lot more happiness and belonging. Take whatever time it is you need to help heal yourself and recover from the hurt and harassment that’s been plaguing you. You are important and you matter, much moreso than whatever label you use at whatever point in time. It will be okay.

I am here for you.

~Pluto

#mod pluto #validation #exorsexism #gatekeeping #exclusionism #long post #identity policing #self care #identity #coping #queer #lgbt #mod tera #anonymous #ask #answered #asked #nonbinary

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whump-it · 5 years ago

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This Made Me Cry Happy Tears

Below is a reply that @my-whumpy-little-heart sent in response to an au chapter that I wrote for a collab with @whump-tr0pes. They’ve given me persmission to repost it on here and I just really wanted to as a huge thank you for sharing these thoughts with me.

I didn’t even know what to do with the energy that I had after reading it so I ended up doing a 2km run!

my-whumpy-little-heart wrote: -

So this piece has had me in my Callum and Rory feels All. Day. Long. I kept the tab of this open after I read it for whenever I’d get around to reblogging it, and I kept having to stop myself from coming back to read it over and over again lest it lose its luster.

But yeah I just love them. So so so much. Their domestic relationship together slays me every time I think about it, and seeing them care for each other through stressful situations like these is just. It’s fantastic to see them respecting and valuing each other so much. Have I gone off about these two’s relationship on my blog yet?? Listen sorry if this is something I’ve already done but I checked my account and there doesn’t seem to be any evidence of me having shouted about Callum and Rory and it’s the No Filter time of night sooooo

You’ve written a whole darn essay about this already, and I sent an ask not so long ago literally just centered around them, but I. I can’t get enough of Callum and Rory. Through recovery their relationship with each other grows and blossoms beautifully into that dynamic we have the pleasure of reading in this future setting. And. What a dynamic that is.

This probably jumps into what you said in that essay, not sure it’s been a while since I went back and found that, but the strength of their love portrayed without being classified as inherently romantic is just. It means so so much to me. Like, yes, I have characters I love in really strong friendships, the ones I classify as my BROTPs so to speak. But Rory and Callum transcend that in a way I haven’t seen represented in media before. You can’t really call their relationship platonic, but you can’t classify it as romantic either. It blurs those lines put in place by society and I can’t express how much I adore that.

I’ve felt those blurred lines in my own life and the attraction I experience. Because when I get a squish on someone (“squish” being a platonic crush, for those who don’t know. term mostly used amongst aromantic folk such as myself) it’s not always just an urge to be friends. Sometimes it’s a burning need to be something other than friends, but not in the romantic sense. I genuinely hadn’t been able to put my finger on what that meant to me until I read about Callum and Rory. I look at them, and I can see myself and my desires reflected in their actions. And that’s genuinely not something I’m able to say very often, and never to this degree.

Is this at all what you intended in writing them? I genuinely have no idea, and my bad if I’m totally taking them the wrong way by associating this, but I’ve let my interpretation run a little and turn into this feeling. So yeah. The long and short of it is I would die for them and the relationship you’ve cultivated between them. Thank you for providing this and absolutely obliterating the angst brain with happy, fluffy thoughts.

So there’s me being sappy on main yet again, it’s far too late to even try to reread this so fingers crossed that it makes proper sense.

whump-it replied: -

Sorry this took me so long to get to answering. I wanted to have the time to really give it the attention that it needed.

First off, please let me say how much it makes my absolute day, week, month, to know that this piece stuck with you so much that you had it open in another tab. Knowing that you re-read it means so much; that my characters meant that much to you is such a warm feeling for me.

Callum and Rory have a very valuable relationship. Initially it’s easy to see only Rory as the caretaker, particularly in the earlier pieces and when he’s not long got Callum back. But they need care from each other and this becomes evident more and more. Rory was not himself without Callum. He’d met the most important person in the entire world and let him go and it changed him. He was missing something so integral that he couldn’t have nailed it down if you’d asked him. It was just a gaping emptiness. Callum, when he was with Master Hayden, never could bring himself to think of Rory. It was too much like life and it hurt to think of what could have been. And what he thought he’d never get.

They both follow rules. Rules mean a lot to them. To Callum, they saved his life every day for three years. For Rory, he thought that by following them, he was doing his job to the best of his ability. It’s hard for them to get to grips with a more free form way of life and that’s part of why they are actually caretakers for each other. Also they’re both desperate to be the one to be to blame. It takes years before they can wish for good things for themselves before wishing it for the other. They support each other rather just Rory being the sole caretaker. And that’s why their dynamic works the way that it does.

The love that they have for each other is so deep that you can’t see the bottom. It’s foundations are strong. Because when I say they’re soulmates they really really are. They’re integral to one another but not dependent upon each other. The presence of the one another in each other’s lives is what makes them so free as individuals. It’s how they can dispense with the rules that bound them up in knots when they were apart. It’s how they can love and live and laugh without fear.

This part meant such a lot to me ”But Rory and Callum transcend that in a way I haven’t seen represented in media before. You can’t really call their relationship platonic, but you can’t classify it as romantic either. It blurs those lines put in place by society and I can’t express how much I adore that.“ Neither platonic nor romantic fits for them. They simply are Rory and Callum. Callum and Rory. It’s there for all to see and it would never have occurred to them to consider what their position is within society. They just are.

This too…"I’ve felt those blurred lines in my own life and the attraction I experience. Because when I get a squish on someone (“squish” being a platonic crush, for those who don’t know. term mostly used amongst aromantic folk such as myself) it’s not always just an urge to be friends. Sometimes it’s a burning need to be something other than friends, but not in the romantic sense. I genuinely hadn’t been able to put my finger on what that meant to me until I read about Callum and Rory. I look at them, and I can see myself and my desires reflected in their actions. And that’s genuinely not something I’m able to say very often, and never to this degree.” Yup! I’ve quoted the entire piece. Because it made me so happy. It’s exactly what I was aiming for and to know that you think I hit the nail on the head makes me genuinely happy enough to cry. I’ve not known what to do with the energy that this has given me today. I’ve been pacing around the house thinking about this all day. It’s amazing.

They could never have just been friends, but that burning that you talk about? That need for something that transcends friendship but isn’t romantic is their relationship all over. They have such genuine love and affection for each other. They use touch because, quite simply, it feels right in the moment that it happens in, and it continues to do so.

I am beyond happy to fill the angst brain with happy and fluffy thoughts. It gives me such joy to have been able to do that for you. Your reblog has done the same for me.

And lastly, I adore me a good tag essay. I always read the tags! I adore this evolved version and please know that my dm’s are always open if you ever want to ask anything.

I don’t even have the right words to express how I felt when I read two specific things in your tags. Firstly that you called my OC’s icons. I am just overwhelmed by the love that I’m feeling and by the love that my Callum and Rory are getting. And secondly, I will always be amazed to know that there’s people out there talking about my characters. I’m here in my part of the world, maybe I’m in bed asleep, maybe I’m watching tv. But people are talking about my characters! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy and so so happy.

You have made this writer very happy. I have a request. Can I please put this on my main? Because your reblog meant so much to me.

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skylights422 · 5 years ago

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@ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity created a Q&A for aspec authors/writers, and as an aspec author, I am excited to participate and answer as many of their questions as I can. Under a cut since it became really outrageously long.

1. What was your inspiration for your character(s)? Are they modeled on yourself, a person that you know, or a character that’s already been established?

Typically I’d say my characters are a mix of general inspiration from other stories/characters and then bits and pieces taken from myself. I try not to make any of them like a clone of myself or another character, try to mix it up, possibly with mixed success but that is the goal.

2. How much, if any, has your character(s) changed since they were first created? What caused this change?

Oh wow, okay I have characters I still use from grade school and middle school, and those characters have changed/grown a lot. Most notoriously (to me) though are my two fellas Euphranor and Kadri. I created them while daydreaming in middle school while watching those science videos in class about how I could make a more parody-like version of said videos, Kadri being the energetic and comically sadistic teacher and Euphranor being the constantly irritated and foul-tempered student. The core of their designs and personalities haven’t totally changed (Euph is still a hot-head and Kadri still likes to troll him), but they’ve become far more nuanced as characters as their story become more involved and serious. They’ve also become softer characters, with Euph having a Heart of Gold and Kadri being a bit morally grey but generally compassionate and friendly. I think the cause of this change and others comes from a mix of things, for one I simply got older and what I wanted out my characters changed a bit. But also I think it’s because I spent so much time with those characters in my head that I couldn’t help but develop them more fully, which in turn made me want to give them a good story. Also, everyone is definitely more queer now then how they started, largely because I became more aware and comfortable with my own queer identity and spent more time in queer spaces (though with Euph I actually just realized he had to be gay because I every het relationship I envisioned for him fell totally flat and yet imagining him as having crushes on guys just seemed to work better/make more sense, and that was an earlier decision).

4. Do you intend on publishing your story one day? Why, or why not?

I definitely do! I have many, many stories I want to publish, as books or comics or tv shows or films. I’ve always wanted to publish some of writing since it’s one of my main passions and have always taken inspiration from the stories I consumed. I just love writing and would want to be able to do it as my main career, the key will just be figuring out how to focus on one project long enough to finish it. xD

5. Surprise fact! Give a random fact about your character(s), whether it’s their favorite color, food, or even song!

Euphranor loves to sing! He hums to calm himself down and even full on sings to vent his feelings sometimes. Kadri loves literature and video games, and blackberry pie is his favorite food.

6. Admit it, you have a folder on your computer of the various types of picrews you’ve created for your character(s). Would you mind posting a few (or five)?

*VIBRATES* MY TIME HAS COME. I absolutely have way too many picrews of my fellas so I won’t post them all, just two each for the core four of my main novel project. First, Euphranor:

(yes he is a Hufflepuff)

Kadri:

(also since I dragged the Hogwarts houses into this Kadri is Ravenclaw)

Ena:

(I put her in Gryffindor)

And finally, Fiera:

(Right now I have her in Slytherin. She could also be in Ravenclaw though)

7. Time to get serious for a bit. There’s been heavy debate on having non-human characters identify as ace, aro, non-binary, etc., but never actual humans. As someone who’s aspec, how would you explain to someone who’s allo why this can be and is seen as hurtful?

I mean, as a sci-fi fan I definitely love if the non-human characters are queer coded, but it’s definitely important to include human representation as well, and I think there are a few simple reasons for that. One is that queer people are, in fact, humans, and therefore our stories deserve to be told as they are in reality as well as how they could be in fiction. The other is only writing us as inhuman implies you consider our identities as fictitious or too strange for a human to have, and queer people already have to deal with other forms of erasure and invalidation in real life. (Also, not everyone is a fan of sci-fi/fantasy, and they should still be able to read stories where they can see themselves)

8. It’s a sad reality that many stories in mainstream media don’t have characters that are aspec, not to mention without resorting to harmful stereotypes. Besides there being nothing wrong with IDing as aspec, why did you choose to have your character ID as such? What would you tell other authors who’re interested in writing characters that are aspec, but are afraid of offending the community?

I have a huge list of aspec characters, which definitely started happening more once I was aware of my own asexuality (and later, aromanticism), since I realized that I could make my own aro and ace characters and then just went wild with it lol. It’s also easier for me to write since I can actually draw from personal experience somewhat for it. Beyond representation having aro and ace characters also allows you to explore more facets of human emotions/the human experience, so that’s always fun.

As for how I would advise allies looking to write a-spec characters, my main advice would be to remember that we are an incredibly diverse group of people, and so while no one a-spec character will resonate with every a-spec reader, an a-spec character written in good faith will definitely speak to some of us. Write them as an character first, and when it comes to things like how their attraction does or doesn’t work and what they want out of relationships, figure out what works best for them. Really, if you’re concerned your character would be offensive in some way you can always make a post asking about it, many of us are happy to offer constructive advice and appreciate that someone is wanting to put in the effort to write about our experiences. Reading or listening to anecdotes from an array of a-spec people is also a good way of getting ideas of how to portray us, and there are various resources for that (the tags, AUREA collects anecdotes from arospec individuals, and probably more than I can think of offhand)

9. If you’re comfortable with sharing, what is your characters’ identity? Do they use any microlabels? Does theirs reflect your own?

Unsurprisingly I have many characters who are aroace (Fiera is one of them), and Ena is bisexual and gray-aromantic. Kadri was originally supposed to just be bi/pan but has become increasingly aspec, will they end up gray-aro as well as grey-ace? Will they end up as a pan oriented aroace? I don’t know yet, but they sure are a pan a-spec. My most recent project has exclusively aro-spec protagonists, Valentine is aroace, Cedar is demiromantic, Raelene is cupioromantic, and then Clematis and Hadyn are presently just Aro and might stay that way. My aroace characters are often styled after my own aroace experiences, while other a-spec characters aren’t as much.

11. Why do you think that not just representation is important, but GOOD representation? Can you offer any examples?

Well, I think there are a few ways to make ‘good rep’. There is the ‘this character helps bring awareness/educate about the community’ and then there’s ‘this character just resonates with certain a-spec people a lot’, and the main reason I think it’s important is because rep should be for the people they’re representing. So if rep hurts the community or totally fails to be relatable to anyone who’s actually a-spec, then it missed the whole point and is doing just as much to leave the community feeling left in the dust as no rep. Of course things do get complicated when the community is divided on whether the rep is good or not, which I imagine will be a common occurrence, and many examples of rep probably fall into the grey area between Good and Bad, but generally people should aim to tell stories that will help more than hinder the people you are telling your story about. (Although I also think that the long term end goal is to get to the point where there is enough representation that it doesn’t matter if some of it is ‘bad’ or not, since I feel like that is the true state of normalization, but that is sadly not yet the case)

12. What’s the genre of your most recent story? Do you always write in this genre? If so, what other works do you have? If not, why did you pick it?

My most recent story (with Valentine) is fantasy, inspired by shoujo style anime series like Cardcaptor Sakura, while Euph’s story is more dystopian urban fantasy? His exact genre has shifted around a lot and will probably continue to do so. In general, most of my works are fantasy in some way or another. A few are more sci-fi or horror based, but definitely the majority are fantasy whether that be magical girl type stories, urban fantasy, superheroes, or dark fantasy.

14. What’s a brief biography of your character? Is their history, personality, and/or looks similar to your own?

I’m going to go with Fiera here. The short version of her backstory is that she and her older brother were born to neglectful parents, and while their grandmother was attentive emotionally she also lived far away. Her brother discovered magic, long thought forgotten, but killed himself shortly after, leaving Fiera alone and confused. She then made a point to dedicate herself to studying the theory and history of magic in the hope that she may someday understand why her brother would take his own life so suddenly like that. She has a down to earth personality and is very observant, and has a great deal of ambition and focus for tasks. She naturally has a more lighthearted and curious personality, but has become more somber since the death of her brother. While she always struggled with sustaining personal relationships, it’s only recently she started using her power of observation to be more manipulative and always keep a cool, pleasant demeanor. She has a love for fashion and sewing, as well as an interest in chemistry.

She isn’t really based on me at all backstory or appearance wise, and only slightly takes after me personality wise. Our main similarity is that we both can be quietly observant and don’t tend to get outwardly angry very often, and that we are both aroace. But I am nowhere near as focused as her, am terrible at lies/manipulation, and have different interests. I’m also way more prone to energetic rants and blunt statements than she is.

15. What are the themes of your story? Is it a lighthearted adventure, or are we talking deep, ocean-sized levels of angst? Why, or why not, did you choose them?

The tone of Euph’s story is kind of all over the place due to how often I’ve tweaked it, but there are certainly oceans of angst for all the protagonists. There’s just also decided remnants of the wacky humor from when the story was predominantly a comedy, and a lot more scenes of the characters just relaxing or goofing off than might be typical in a high tension drama adventure. My story with Valentine is generally much more lighthearted, though there will be some deeper moments for character development (and also because I want it to have a slightly gothic vibe, just Because)

16. How long have you been writing? Has your style changed from when you first began to now? What are some tips you’d give to those who’re interested in writing a story of their own, be it professionally or as a hobby?

I’ve been writing in some capacity just about as long as I can remember, and so my style has definitely taken various shifts depending on how old I was and what I was taking as my main inspiration at the time. Sometimes I went for more sarcastic and whimsical narration regardless of the events happening of the story, sometimes I went for a more quick modern-ish style, sometimes I would focus more or less on descriptions or dialogue. I don’t really know where I’m at right now though.

What I would advise to anyone wanting to sit down and write is to be patient and kind with yourself. Nine times out of ten what sounds epic in your head will come out at first as clunky and all over the place. But that is pretty much the whole purpose of first drafts; the clunky first draft crawls so the second draft may walk so the third draft may walk a little faster so the final draft may run. The other thing I would advise is to absolutely experiment, and see what works best for you. There is every kind of writing advice out there imaginable, much of it contradictory, so really you just have to mess around with styles and perspective and dialogue and see what happens, which stuff you liked and which stuff you didn’t.

17. What’s your process for writing? Do you plan your story out first, write whatever you want then edit later, or both? How might this help others?

My writing process is pretty much a mishmash of writing whatever comes to me, then planning, then writing, then using a bunch of character building exercises to have fun but make no progress in the plot, then neglect the project for months, then write some more or maybe plan. I don’t know how much this would help others, though I have found when I set goals with deadlines and some external pressure (nanowrimo, reward system implanted by friends, etc) I am far more productive, so perhaps that is something others could try if they struggle with staying on track?

18. Your book’s become quite popular, easily reaching the New York Times Bookseller list, and now, you’ve been picked to lead a writing workshop. It goes swimmingly, and afterward, someone comes and tells you that your book not only inspired them to write a story of their own, but also helped them discover and accept their identity. What’s your reaction?

Mostly I would just be flabbergasted, but also extremely pleased and honored to have been able to provide any kind of help or assistance to my readers.And I would feel very happy for the person, since that sort of inspiration is great to come by.

19. Are there any published stories out there that feature aspec characters that you also read? Do you have any suggestions?

Unfortunately not that I can think of! I am peripherally aware of some ace characters, but they aren’t in stories I personally consume. I hope to find more though!

20. Just for fun, write down a paragraph of your most recent writing. It can be an action-packed scene, some witty dialogue, or a colorful description that you really enjoyed. (Be sure to properly tag any possible triggers!)

Well, my most recent finished work would be the clunky first draft of my novel. So, here’s a silly conversation that entertained me to write:

Once they had bought the food, they went back to the park to eat.

“You know, Fiera, I have come to a realization.” Kadri said.

“Oh? What’s that?” Fiera asked.

“Store snacks are not as filling as restaurant food, nor as refined, but they are decidedly addictive.” he said, munching on Twizzlers.

“Yep. That’s what makes them store snacks. Plus, I couldn’t get any really nice stuff. I’m not made of money.” Fiera explained.

“Which brings me to my next question, how exactly are you financing our meals? You don’t seem to work a job of any kind.” Kadri said. Fiera was almost surprised that he knew about jobs, but decided not to ask about it.

“You’re right, I don’t. But my parents leave me about sixty bucks a week so that they can do what they want without me starving to death in their absence. After yesterday and just now, I’m down to like eight bucks, and the next payment comes in three days, so after this stash goes it's dollar store snacks only.” Fiera explained.

“I see. Fascinating. And these drinks you bought us, why are they vitamin drinks?” Kadri said,looking over a vitamin water curiously.

“Because we definitely aren’t going to get any vitamins from chips and candy.” Fiera said simply.

“There is logic to that, I suppose.” he said. There was silence for a few moments.

“Um… Kadri?” Fiera said after a while.

“Yes, Fiera?” Kadri said.

“You know you can’t eat a whole bag of Twizzlers in one go, right?” Fiera said.

“I don’t see why not. If it is not going to give me the nutrients I need, it may as well provide me with the maximum level of pleasure it is capable of.” Kadri said.

“Yeah, but you’ll get sick. And we have limited supplies.” Fiera countered. Kadri looked at the bag of Twizzlers in alarm.

“These are poisonous in large doses!?” he exclaimed.

“What? No, not poisonous, they just make you sick because they’re candy. All candy does that if you keep eating it.” Fiera said.

“Commoners lead dangerous lives, it would seem. I shall never forget this betrayal.” He said to the bag of Twizzlers, putting it down and taking the vitamin water instead.

#Arospec Awareness Week #aromantic #writing #non-fandom #asaw2020

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hybrid-phantom-archived · 5 years ago

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rules: tag ten followers you want to know better !

name: Browa (Also answers to Boo or Brownie)

star sign: Libra

height: 5′4

middle name Marie

put your itunes Spotify whatever on shuffle. what are the first 6 songs that popped up?

I don’t have either, so I’ll list the last five songs I listened to

When Can I See You Again -Owl City

Through the Fire and Flames -Dragonforce

New Divide -Linkin Park

The Rest Being Various Game Sountracks

grab one book nearest to you and turn to page 23. what’s line 17?

I don’t have any nearby. But I do read fanfics

ever had a poem or a song written about you?

when was the last time you played air guitar?

No, but I’d use my hairbrush as a conductor stick when I was little

who is your celebrity crush?

Don’t really have one, I’m aromantic

what’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I haaaate loud car engines. I like being able to hear my thoughts. I like the sound of harps tbh tho.

do you believe in ghosts?

Ghosts are the best!

how about aliens?

The universe is literally infinite. Even if life on earth was a one in a trillion chance, there’s many more quadrillions of planets out there. So yes.

do you drive?

I’m a bus student.

if so, have you ever crashed?

No crashes on the bus, thankfully

what was the last book you read?

Fanfiction.

do you like the smell of gasoline?

*coughs in disgust*

what was the last movie you saw?

Enter the Florpus! :D

what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I slammed a car door on my thumb once. Although, I’ve never broken a bone,

do you have any obsessions right now?

do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

It depends on how bad it was. If I can get over what it was, you’re in the clear, if not, well... I might be a little upset if I see you around.

in a relationship?

*Awkwardly holds up two flags. One has a black, white, gray scheme with purple, and the other is the same with green*

Tagged by: Stole from @rxtroskull

Tagging: Take it from me, cowards.

#Fun and Games (RP Meme)

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bluerosesburnblue · 6 years ago

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Okay, actually, screw it. I am tagging this. People need to realize that that line doesn’t make Charlie canonically ace, they’re just pushing their own interpretation and then trying to act like it’s more “correct” than all other interpretations. Congrats, fandom. You all instantly “Did That.” Glad to see my lack of faith was well founded

Eughh I really hope the Hogwarts Mystery fandom doesn’t Do That again when the First Date quest drops. Drove me nuts the first time it happened and I’d rather people not get so pushy about their interpretation of that one line that, no, does not canonize anything

So here’s the thing:

“Dragons are all I care about. Who has time for dating when there are so many breeds of dragons to study?”

is not confirmation that Charlie is aromantic. Can it be interpreted that way? Yes, absolutely. And I’m not going to begrudge people who are a fan of that headcanon their right to interpret it that way. But it’s not confirmation of canon. The lines right before it are:

“We don’t care who your crush is.”

“Really? Why not? Our other friends seem to want to know.”

The “dragons are all I care about” isn��t necessarily “I don’t care about romance at all and never will.” In the context of who MC’s crush is, that line can be taken to mean “I’m not nosy enough to pry into who you’re in love with, because I have more important things such as my studies.” Yes, he expresses that he’s not interested in dating at the moment, but so does who I’m assuming is probably Tonks but might be Bill, both of whom we know end up in heterosexual marriages:

“Dating doesn’t interest me now, either. Perhaps someday. But I like doing my own thing.”

So, what, are they all aro now because they don’t want to date at the moment? People are allowed to have priorities and just because something is more important than dating or they’re not comfortable with being in a romantic situation at the moment doesn’t mean they don’t feel romantic attraction at all. Literally the only thing Charlie’s line proves is that he values his dragon studies more than romance. Not that he doesn’t care about romance at all. He doesn’t even say he doesn’t want to date, just that he doesn’t have enough time to do it and everything else he wants to do. It’s not a priority, but that doesn’t mean the desire doesn’t exist

He doesn’t even state he’s not attracted to anyone. Attraction ≠ dating. You can decide you don’t want to date anyone because you don’t feel like you could give the relationship the effort it deserves, even if you’re in love with someone. You can decide you don’t want to date because getting your dream job is more urgent than dating. You can decide you don’t want to date because of family issues. Heck, you might even do it for religious reasons. There’s a million reasons why you can decide you don’t want to date, despite the attraction. What is the assumption here? That people have to be in a relationship to prove their sexuality? That if you’re not in an active relationship then you must not be interested in sex at all? Life isn’t that black and white

I mean, they’re teens for crying out loud. They’re still figuring out where their boundaries are! They are literally in the age of experimenting. I didn’t give a shit about romance as a teen. It’s still not a priority for me! But just because it’s not The Most Important Thing to me doesn’t mean I’m not ever going to be interested in a romantic relationship with someone. Am I suddenly not allowed to see my own life experiences reflected in Charlie because it’s not “inclusive” enough?

Am I disappointed that none of the HP-canon characters are options? Yes. I think it’s silly that the writers feel the need to go out of their way to deny players the ability to date the three non-original canon characters, but hell. I don’t know what JC’s contract is like. Maybe they were forbidden from allowing it by Warner Brothers or JK Rowling or whoever they got the rights to use the franchise from. But you know what I’m more disappointed about?

The fact that there’s (seemingly) no option to have the MC just... not date someone. The only way it seems you can do that is to just not play the timed quest, which SUCKS for my completionist ass. I want the option to not date, like Charlie and Tonks, but also not have a giant “INCOMPLETE” in my events tab

And it’s not because I see my MC as aro/ace or that I’m aro/ace, though I’m certain that people who do or are would appreciate the option as well. Dating just feels out of character for the character I’m playing. Some people don’t care about Jacob, but I’ve made my character so obsessed with finding him and so unable to focus on anything else until that’s done that there’s no way she’d be dating anyone. She literally has something more important than romance at the moment and she won’t be able to focus on any romantic relationship until the Jacob situation’s resolved

Look, I’m not saying all of this to be like “you can’t headcanon Charlie as aro/ace/whatever!” That’s bullshit. You can headcanon whatever you want and the beauty of fiction is that we can have conflicting headcanons about things that make the experience richer for us. This isn’t a STOP HAVING FUN post

I’m only bringing this up because when Charlie was introduced and a bunch of people thought that he and MC were cute together, you couldn’t go two minutes without someone else going “HE’S CANONICALLY ACE AND THIS IS ACE ERASURE.” People were goddamned aggressive about their interpretation of JK’s intentionally vague interview answer from years ago. And already I see people in the tags declaring that these lines make Charlie canonically aro and I’m terrified that that shit’s going to start up again because people just can’t learn to respect someone else’s headcanon and move on. The people posting about it have been cordial so far, but I do not trust this fandom to stay that way for long

[EDIT] And it looks like I was right not to

If you do that - if you go on anyone’s post and say “um actually you can’t headcanon that” then you’re the asshole. That goes for both sides. If you go on an aro/ace Charlie post and go “But he’s so cute with MC!” then you’re just as much of an asshole as someone who goes onto a Charlie/MC post and says “Um, but Charlie’s aro/ace.” Both are awful and I don’t want that fighting to start up again because of one line

If you’re going around making posts in the tags like “It’s CANON” then you’re also being an ass. The line’s ambiguous at best. Stop trying to force your interpretation. It’s not canon, just a headcanon. So long as multiple, equally valid interpretations of that line exist, Charlie is not canonically aro or ace. Not to mention that the quest isn’t even out yet and none of the people I’ve seen posting that line/interpretation in the tags are tagging their spoilers. Seriously, have some online etiquette

[EDIT] Look, I’ve seen the arguments. It doesn’t make the interpretation of that line any more canonical. And the only actual arguments I’ve even seen are “well, if you consider this line AND JK’s interview then it’s obvious. Do you really need someone to spell it out that it’s canon?” And, look, if you have to go out of your way to state “okay, well they didn’t say it exactly, but come on!” then maybe consider that you’re the one who’s wrong and it’s an ambiguous line that doesn’t prove anything? My aunt is straight, barely dated, and never married. Her life experiences that happen to coincide with what we see of Charlie are not any less valid than the experiences of any ace/aro people who also see themselves in Charlie. And that’s not even getting into the fact that 90% of the people citing the interview are hypocrites because they admit that they don’t care what JK has to say... unless it’s convenient to them, I guess

“But he’s the only ace representation we have!” Look, I get it. I know. The asexual and aromantic communities are sorely underrepresented in media. The number is not “literally two, at all, ever” as I’ve seen people on this site claim, but it is very low. This is a problem. But Charlie is just not that. In a game that, as far as we can tell right now, won’t even let us make ourselves asexual and still participate in the events, do you really think they’re going to go out of their way to try and respectfully represent the ace community? Are you all so ready to pat these writers on the back over an implication? I know. I know you all want this representation so badly, and I’m so sorry that Charlie isn’t canonically what the community wants him to be. Had they said that he was canonically ace/aro, then I wouldn’t even be making this post; I’d be congratulating the community

But they haven’t. They’ve put one line that sort of implies it in a game that gives, like, twelve lines implying that he has a crush on someone. By going around making all of these baseless claims that it’s canon now, you’re only making the community look worse. You’re actively denying the life experiences of other people and asserting your own as the only “correct” way to view things, and that’s what I can’t stand

I’ve seen at least one person claim that Charlie/MC shippers are exclusionists, I’ve seen people try to guilt other people into the ace!Charlie headcanon by playing the “we’re underrepresented” card, I’ve seen people go around saying you can still ship Charlie/MC but just know it’s not canon like ace!Charlie is (which implies that it’s inherently lesser than the ace!Charlie interpretation because we all know what connotation “canon” has in fandom). Just stop. All of this behavior is childish. Instead of acting entitled about your headcanon, support media with well-written ace characters that are respectful to the community! Seek out the ace media that exists and support it instead of claiming that there is none and aggressively trying to enforce your headcanons on non-canonically ace characters. Use the headcanon as a way to showcase how to write these things well, or as a springboard to start creating your own characters and stories. Media doesn’t spring up out of nowhere. If you want tasteful ace representation, someone has to create it

I’ve made it abundantly clear on my blog that the “my interpretation is the only correct way to interpret this ambiguous line” thought process is one that I despise. I’m a firm believer that the beauty of fiction, the beauty of art, is everyone’s ability to put a little piece of themselves into the experience, and this line of thought goes completely against that. It shuts down discussion. It doesn’t allow for a middle ground. And it’s what you all sound like when you make the claim that your headcanon is now canon. You sound like children sticking your fingers in your ears and shouting “LALALALALALA I’M RIGHT YOU‘RE WRONG.” You aren’t converting anyone to your cause. The people who support your position already agreed with you, and anyone who didn’t will double down on hating it because, SURPRISE, people don’t like being accused of thinking wrong

I said it once. I’ll reiterate. I don’t want people giving up the aro/ace!Charlie headcanon. It’s your right to interpret that line however you wish. It’s your right to experience the story in the way that makes you happiest because that’s ultimately what it’s there for. But it’s my right and anyone else’s right to interpret that vague line in a way that makes each of us happy, too, and I won’t stand for people denying that right to others by asserting things that are just factually incorrect. There’s a difference between something actually being canon and something being implied or open to interpretation. Please stop insisting that the latter is the former just because you wish it was. And above all:

Just don’t be children and let people enjoy fiction their own way. Don’t be pushy in the comments or tags with your headcanons/interpretations. You’re not being an activist by yelling at people over sexuality headcanons. You’re just being a dick and I’d better not see everyone fighting again because they can’t respect a difference of interpretation (nope, that’s exactly what they all did)

#harry potter series #harry potter hogwarts mystery #hogwarts mystery #hphm #charlie weasley #harry potter hogwarts mystery spoilers #hphm spoilers #liz's shenanigans #hogwarts mystery spoilers #this is #spoilers #from the datamine

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snowstories · 6 years ago

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don’t reblog this maybe but this intracommunity aro/aspec discourse has really highlighted how my experiences with being aroace differ from the majority of the aroace community and it makes me. uncomfy.

(I was gonna do the following section in the tags but it got too long so. enjoy the rambly post I guess.)

It’s so weird too??? In almost all ways, I’m the most stereotypical aroace to have ever aroaced; I’m sex- and romance repulsed, I do not want either sexual or romantic relationships, I want a qpr (I realize that wanting a qpr is not the norm outside of aro communities, but this assumption does kind of tend to exist within aro communities, although from what I’ve seen that has certainly died down), I found out I was ace in my late teens and figured out I was aro a year or two after that, I do not nor have I ever experienced any type of romantic or sexual attraction (aka I’m not gray-ace or gray-aro), I’m not an oriented aroace, etc.

Unlike with my trans/nb identity I tend to actually relate to the wider aroace community; it’s by far the easiest queer identity I have because I generally fall within the parameters of what’s ‘expected’ of an aroace 99% of the time. There’s really only two major exceptions:

I do not find it difficult to distinguish between my aromanticism and my asexuality. They are not the same for me. I see my asexuality and aromanticism as two separate identities that just so happen to coincide.

I consider my aromanticism to be a LOT more important than my asexuality. Really I’m more aro(ace) than aroace if you get what I mean.

And BOY are those differences highlighted by the recent discourse.

Like, I know that to aroaces who already feel alienated by the aroace community this must seem eye-roll-worthy, and I acknowledge how lucky I am that I (mostly) managed to feel safe and comfortable in the aroace community (albeit it more on the aro side of things than on the ace side), but like??? I’m really unused to feeling so alienated from the aroace community and it’s uhhhh unfun.

But honestly in this discourse? I just cannot at all relate to or get behind the aroace community’s approach to it. I don’t feel threatened by the idea that we might have a complete separation from the ace community. As a matter of fact, that’s what I want. If it were up to me and I didn’t have to take the feelings of anyone else into account, I’d want a complete separation between the ace and aro communities. I’d want to maintain strong ties between the communities, obviously, but I’m so fucking tired of being grouped together with the ace community. I want the aro community to be able to stand on its own as the ace community’s equal, not their younger sibling who still needs guidance. I want us to be our own thing without relying on the ace community at all. I want a complete separation of asexuality and aromanticism.

I acknowledge, however, that this is likely not practical. There are too many aroaces tying us together, and we share too much history. It would be unfair to aroaces who cannot separate their aromanticism and asexuality and/or just don’t want to choose like that to just implement a complete schism without regard for consequences. I acknowledge that. I still want it.

It’s not that I hate the ace community. I really don’t. I honestly don’t feel as bitter towards it as a lot of the aro community seems to. I really think that the ace community is one of the most welcoming communities I’ve ever been in; they helped me understand my asexuality in a way that lifted me up and made me secure in it, and I’m really thankful to them for helping me through that vulnerable time. I think that it’s amazing what the ace community has managed to achieve in such little time; barely a decade ago, we were nothing, and now, we are steadily on our way to becoming a widely recognized sexuality, with well-organized groups and clear objectives. It’s seriously impressive.

At the same time, however, they royally screwed up my aro education, to the point where even though I was very, VERY clearly aromantic I was extremely hesitant to adopt the label, and it wasn’t until I actually managed to get involved in the aro community via a mutual that I actually started embracing it; in fact, before I talked to that mutual, I was really only peripherally aware of the existence of an aro community. I did not understand what a qpr was. I did not understand how the aromanticism was a spectrum, or know any aro identities outside of aro, gray-aro, and demiro (it was thanks to another mutual that I got off my initial high horse about greyro identities and actually started researching them with an open mind, by the way. I’m still definitely not perfect and consider them to be my largest blind spot in the aro community, but at least I’m trying to learn). I was not aware of any aspects of aro culture, or at least they didn’t register (white ring, arrows, etc. etc). And those were really just minor things.

The big kicker for me is that, honestly, my experience with the way the ace community treated aromanticism was. kinda different from what most aros seem to have experienced. Maybe it’s the people I interacted with, the blogs I followed, idk, but whatever it is, I got the impression that my aromantic traits were part of my asexuality. I never really felt like the ace community was pushing the ‘aces can love!’ message too hard; instead, I got the opposite. I got posts joking about how aces don’t get crushes. About how aces are annoyed with romantic subplots. I got essays written where the author stated that they don’t feel romantic attraction because they are asexual. I got posts about how characters who said “I don’t understand/want romance” are ace. I got ace activists who talked about being aroace without ever mentioning the ‘aro’ part, or who mentioned it in passing at best, and who often still positioned themselves as authorities on aromanticism despite that. All the time that I’ve spent in the ace community, and I consistently saw asexuality conflated with aromanticism. I still see it every time I go into the ace community. It’s why I’m not active in it anymore.

As a result, I did not understand the impact that my aromanticism had my life, or even that I was aromantic at all; I got the impression that all my aro traits could be ascribed to my asexuality. As a result, I spent a long time identifying as a non-SAM-using ace, then as an aroace who strongly favored their asexuality, and then an aroace who didn’t think their aromanticism could be separated from their asexuality. But, as I have stated earlier in this essay, I can separate them. Very easily, even. I just didn’t have the proper tools yet to identify my aromanticism. This was also the reason why I thought my asexuality was more important; I didn’t have the proper tools to recognize my aromanticism, and with that, the effect it had on my daily life.

(Disclaimer: I’m obviously not saying that all aroaces who consider their aromanticism to be part of their asexuality, or who can’t distinguish between them, or who favor their asexuality are going to have the same experience that I did. Plenty of aroaces won’t. I’m just talking about a personal experience.)

The ace community screwed up my aro education by failing to recognize that aromanticism is not a facet of asexuality. While the ace community loves to remind everyone that aces can still feel romantic attraction, they are blindsided to the fact that aros can still feel sexual attraction. That aromanticism is not inherently tied to asexuality, and that the experiences of aroaces who cannot seperate their aromanticism and their asexuality aren’t universal in the aro community by any means.

I can forgive the ace community for not educating me on things coined by or primarily used by aros, such as qpr’s, aro culture elements, and greyro identities. They are not required to keep up with every step that our community takes. I cannot forgive them for failing to provide me with basic information on aromanticism other than the acknowledgement that it existed, for consistently conflating aromanticism and asexuality, for failing to give me the proper resources to figure out my aro identity, when we are supposed to be ‘connected’ communities.

TL;DR: my aro education got severely fucked up by the assumption that all aros are asexual, and if it hadn’t been for a complete fluke of striking up a conversation with someone who happened to be involved in the aro community, I might have never been able to properly appreciate or recognize my aromanticism.

You can see how these experiences kind of overlap with those of allo aros. Obviously, they’re not the same, like at all, but the fact of the matter is that I can relate to the bitterness that allo aros feel towards the ace community. Often a lot more than I can relate to aroaces’ feelings towards the ace community, be they negative or positive.

And because of those experiences, you can see why I’m distrustful of letting the ace community stay intrinsically connected to the aro community. They are larger, and therefore have a louder voice and more reach; if we, as aros, don’t grow on our own, outside of the ace community’s shadow, I’m genuinely unsure of whether we’ll ever be able to reach our full potential. Because as it stands, the majority of aros will need to go through the ace community first, and I think they’ve sufficiently proven to be wholly inadequate in providing aros resources to figure out their aromanticism. And frankly? I don’t want the ace community to be the primary educators on aromanticism. That’s a recipe for disaster no matter what. I want the aro community to be the go-to place for information on aromanticism, and that can only happen if we are as loud, as big as the ace community.

I don’t relate to a lot of aroaces’ torn feelings between the ace community and the aro community, because in my case, that choice was made a long time ago: it’s the aro community. It will always be the aro community. While I’m thankful towards the ace community for sheltering me when I was vulnerable, and while I will always stand with them if they need to fight against assholes or need to spread awareness, and while I’ll probably never really drop the ace label and will occasionally participate in ace-centric discussions, they are not my priority, because I was never theirs. There is no love lost between me and the ace community. My aromanticism is the part of me that is most prominent in day-to-day life, and it’s what I consider to be the most important because of that; the aro community is tiny still, struggling to gain recognition and find a direction, and it needs my support more than the ace community ever did.

Furthermore, in this discussion, I strongly believe that the aro community needs to prioritize the feelings of allo aros, and other non-asexual aros and aros who do not feel comfortable in the ace community for other reasons. While we aroaces are definitely important and should obviously have a say in the way the community is heading (I mean. Duh. We’re aro), I’m uncomfortable with aroaces taking charge of community conversations because I feel like that’s just a repeat of what’s been happening in the wider aspec community for a long, long time: ace people taking charge, leaving less-recognized aros in the dust. Obviously, a large part of that is due to my own personal experiences with aces talking over aros for the majority of my aro education, and I’m (perhaps irrationally) scared that the same thing is going to happen here. But a large part of it is also due to the fact that, as is, aroaces are the largest voice in the aro community; this is an undeniable fact. It would be easy, way too easy, for us to unknowingly drown out the voices of allo aros, when we should be amplifying them and giving them a place of honor. The ace community’s problems with aromanticism affect non-asexual aros the most and in unique ways, and I feel like they should be leading the discussion surrounding it no matter what, really.

But I feel kind of like a traitor to aroace people because of this. My needs for the aro community obviously don’t align with that of other aroaces; I’d be willing to let relationships with the ace community burn entirely if it meant securing a spot for the aro community, which would obviously fuck over aroaces who DO need the ace community and want to participate in it, and aroaces who just simply aren’t capable of separating their aromanticism from their asexuality. I just fundamentally cannot relate to those needs and the feelings that come along with it. I just can’t.

As a result, aside from reblogging some posts, I’ve been mostly quiet about my personal opinions on the topic. I do not feel like I’m the right person to be involved in this discourse; as an aroace, I have too much emotional baggage surrounding the ace community to advocate for their needs and I have been absent from the ace community for too long to have a good grasp on it anyway; and as an aromantic plain and simple, I do not feel like I should be leading this charge anyway because of my asexuality. While I find it bad to split the aro community in terms like that (I don’t believe that this discourse is a simple matter of aroaces vs. allo aros; it’s much more complicated than that, and I’ve seen aroaces and allo aros supporting each other, and of course there’s also non-SAM-aros and greyros/grayaces to consider in this discourse, which I haven’t really seen come up yet aside from a handful of posts), it really does often feel like this is the split around which the discourse is centered. And it sucks to not easily be able to identify with either ‘side’, and to lose the security I thought I had in the (aro-leaning side of the) aroace community.

This is probably the last I’m going to say on this intracommunity issue on my own; I’ll be reblogging posts and watching it go down, but I don’t feel like I’m in any way equipped to really have meaningful say in this discourse. I might change my mind later on, but as of now, this is where I stand: confused, mainly.

#my posts #personal #aro stuff #ace stuff

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arotechno · 7 years ago

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Aromantic-Official’s Pride Month 2018 Questions!

It’s time for me to finally answer the weekly pride month questions set up by @aromantic-official! I realize it’s the last week of pride month and I’m only doing these now, but I’m a mod. So I get to break the rules. ;)

I apologize in advance, as this post is going to be a monster.

June 1-2: Pride Month Kickoff!

1. What aro pride merch do you have and/or want?

As of right now, all I’ve got is an aro bracelet that my friend made me for my birthday and a green aro ring that I got for a dollar. I would like to get my hands on an aro flag, and some pins or something... but I don’t have the money to throw at pride merch right now! Subtle merch is also good, as I’m out to precisely 3 people offline.

2. What are some of your favorite aro-friendly songs? (Feel free to make a playlist!)

Here. Or for more aro playlists besides mine, my aro jams tag.

3. What are your favorite arospec symbols?

I guess just the flag (the version that I use in my icon)? Arrow symbolism is also cool. Or, if you’re from the arocalypse crowd: papos. Although that might be a dated reference now...

(weeks 1-4 under the cut because I’m nice)

Questions for Week One (June 3-9):

1. How did you realize you were aro/arospec? How long have you known?

It was the spring of 2014, when I was a freshman in high school. For most of my life, I never really thought about or questioned my orientation. I figured I would know what I was when I felt it. But I always knew I didn’t get crushes, and figured that wasn’t weird and that I’d get them eventually... That didn’t end up happening, as you might imagine. I was never ashamed of who I was, though--not until people made me feel that way, and I realized maybe I really was different or weird. Thankfully, I had stumbled across asexuality, and consequently aromanticism (this was 2014; if you think it’s hard to find information about aromanticism outside of ace spaces now, think about how it was back then), before that point. It just didn’t really click until somewhere down the line. And even then, I waffled on aromanticism vs. asexuality for quite a bit, feeling more drawn to the ace community due to its size and its exposure, and frankly I couldn’t tell which one I was, though eventually I realized that was because I was both! It’s been several years and I’ve grown a lot, and I’ve become more in tune to my aromanticism apart from my asexuality.

2. Have you come out to anyone? Share a coming out story (coming out to yourself also counts)!

It’s funny, I was just thinking about this yesterday. I’m out as aromantic to three people irl, but I’ve never actually properly come out on my own terms. Two of my friends were peripherally involved at the time that I realized I was aromantic, so they were kind of a part of the realization and I never had to explicitly tell them that I had figured out this part of myself. The third friend came to understand my feelings about attraction before I eventually told her the words. But I’ve never had somebody in my life who presumed I was straight that I was able to explicitly decide I wanted to tell that I wasn’t.

In terms of coming out to myself, it took me about a year after realizing I was aroace to say the words out loud to myself. Sophomore year of high school was when I really began to fully accept that this was who I am and that I could say it and be proud of it, rather than it just being a peripheral aspect of my life that I had to pretend didn’t affect me (because we’re so often taught that we’re supposed to be just like everyone else despite our sexuality, but I have always felt that it made me explicitly not like everyone else, and that was the problem). So I said to myself, in the mirror, “I’m aromantic and asexual.” And I started writing it in my journal. At this point, I was in a weird place where I wasn’t even sure my two closest friends knew I was aroace and that it wasn’t just something I had speculated. It took me until the end of that school year to start using the word not only to myself, but to them as well. Even now, I still talk circles around it sometimes. Internalized aphobia is a real pain in the ass.

3. How/Why is your aromanticism important to you/your identity?

My aromanticism shapes how I see the world in a lot of ways. It affects me every day of my life. It influences my views on philosophy, relationships, my experiences with gender... I can’t relate to the majority of the world’s population on such a basic level that I’m often left wondering what my place in the world is and feeling like I’m living in a different universe altogether. It’s frustrating, but it can also be exciting. I’m proud of the way being aromantic has shaped me. I think the ways I view the world make sense, and being aromantic has a lot to do with it.

I consider myself to be an existentialist, and accepting that my emotional wants, needs, and experiences didn’t line up with the marriage/kids/white picket fence narrative that I was always expected to follow really helped me realize that if I don’t have to follow that narrative, then I don’t have to follow any narrative at all. I can do whatever I want with my life, and there’s no cosmic reason for me to do anything else. That’s voidpunk, baby.

4. What are some misconceptions about aromanticism that bother you?

That we’re heartless. That we don’t feel less emotions/weaker emotions than alloromantic people, or generally equating romance with emotions. That we need a QPR or other type of non-romantic partnership to fill a void where romantic relationships “should be.” That aromanticism must modify or be secondary to one’s sexual orientation. That we don’t risk being dehumanized or cut off from people around us when we come out. Arophobia in general.

5. What’s something you like about being aro/arospec? Something you dislike?

I love the arospec community first and foremost, and as I mentioned above I love the way aromanticism shapes my view of the world. I love that the aro community, though we are stereotyped as being heartless, is so full of love and compassion for one another that we can’t even argue with each other, we just have pleasant, generally civil discussions and often end up reaching mutual conclusions. I love that I can make this entire long-winded post about my experiences and not only will people read it, but they’ll appreciate it and respect it.

I hate not being understood. I hate the fact that I don’t want to come out because I’m afraid I’ll have to give an emotionally taxing vocab lesson and/or be dismissed or ridiculed and/or be called a heartless monster. I hate that we don’t have any mainstream representation that doesn’t get ripped from our hands by people who claim we do not deserve it. I hate that there are no aromantic role models in the public eye living happy lives for us to look up to; but then again, I have a secret fondness for being part of a generation that future aromantics will be able to look up to.

Questions for Week Two (June 10-16):

1. What aro-spectrum labels, terms, descriptors, and identities do you identify with?

I identify as aromantic. I also use nonamorous as a descriptor a lot of the time. That’s pretty much it. The term arogender kind of speaks to me in a way (I was there when it was coined!), as my experience with gender does feel influenced by my aromanticism, but I don’t know that I’m particularly inclined to use it for myself. I like to keep things simple, I guess.

2. Talk about other aspects of your identity that are important to you, that are meaningful parts of you like your aromanticism, such as ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, neurodivergence, mental illness, chronic illness, disabilities, etc.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m asexual as well as being aromantic. They kind of go hand-in-hand for me, but I’m much more open about being asexual if only because it’s more commonly understood and accepted. Several years ago, I was much more connected to the ace community than the aro community, but in the last couple of years that dynamic has completely flip-flopped. I feel more at home in the aromantic community, as the ace community often feels to me more focused on navigating romantic relationships while asexual, and as an aromantic I really don’t find any solace in that. The ace community has also thrown me and my aro and aroace siblings under the bus multiple times, which often makes me feel unwelcome, unfortunately.

3. How do other aspects of your identity intersect with or affect your aromanticism?

Other aspects of my identity don’t affect my aromanticism that much. On the contrary, my aromanticism affects my gender. I identify primarily as a cis female, but even saying I identify that way feels too strong, as it’s a pretty loose identification. Because of the ways in which misogyny, heteronormativity, and amatonormativity intersect, so much of traditional womanhood is based around finding romance, 99% of the time with a man. There isn’t really a subversive narrative for aro women. And femininity often feels like a costume designed to make me appear straight and allo and proper and headed for marriage. tl;dr gender machine broke.

4. Have any of your identities impacted you realizing you were aromantic, your questioning process, or coming to terms with it?

If you want to get obvious, asexuality directly helped me realize I was aromantic in that I would not have known that aromanticism existed without it. So thanks, ace community. You did do me a solid at one point or another.

Questions for Week Three (June 17-23):

1. What is your favorite aspect of the aro and arospec community?

I mentioned this earlier: I love how open, inclusive, accepting, and willing to have civil and productive discussion the aro community is. The aro community has also given me basically everything, especially the arocalypse gang (hi, guys). Without a community behind me, this blog would not exist, and I would feel devastatingly alone.

2. Are there any notable differences in your experiences in this community and other LGBTQIA+ spaces you have been in?

In general, compared to larger LGBTQIA+ spaces, the aro community on tumblr is obviously a lot smaller and more tight knit, which makes for an inherently different environment. Smaller voices somehow still speak so loud. That’s symptomatic of its size more than anything, and I haven’t been active in enough larger spaces to say much else.

The only other specific LGBTQIA+ spaces I’ve been in are asexual ones, and while there is some overlap between the two, aromantic spaces feel much more inclusive to me. Though that is likely due to the fact that asexual spaces do still put a focus on romance, while aromantic spaces certainly wouldn’t. The aromantic community is one of a kind and an absolute treasure, I guess is what I’m trying to say.

3. What’s one way that the aro community could be better or more inclusive? Do you have any tips on improving in this regard?

I think the aro community could take further steps to improve accessibility (I mean, look at me, I’m writing out this long-ass monster of a post. I’m part of the problem.). But I don’t really have any tips, considering I just broke one of my own suggestions... Don’t listen to me, I’ve got no idea what I’m talking about.

4. Do you think there are flaws in the way that different types of attractions are navigated, discussed, and defined in the aro community?

Yes. I talk about this from time to time on here... This is probably a hot take, but to me, defining types of attraction too rigidly, while it is helpful for tons of people, can often lead to an accidental hierarchy of types of attraction or relationships. For example, putting alterous attraction over platonic attraction, or queerplatonic relationships over more traditional platonic ones. I’m not saying anyone does this, at least not on purpose, but I think it’s at least a potential issue.

5. Do you consider yourself nonamorous, amorous, aplatonic, experiencing queerplatonic attraction, etc., or do you not use those terms? Are you romance positive, neutral, repulsed, or don’t use those labels? Do these answers intersect?

I’m nonamorous and romance repulsed. I’m not sure if they intersect, to be honest.

6. Have you ever been in a relationship you would consider committed, such as a queerplatonic/quasiplatonic, romantic, soft romo, friends-with-benefits, or others? How did being arospec affect that and the boundaries you set?

Nope. Again, nonamorous.

Questions for Week Four (June 24-30):

1. Have you ever participated in any pride events, such as parades and festivals? If so, do you feel welcome at these events? If not, would you want to go?

I haven’t. I would go, but I don’t really know how welcome I feel... And I’d need to go without being suspicious, which is pretty much impossible.

2. Do you celebrate pride month? If so, how do you celebrate? If not, why?

Hell, I’m doing it right now! I’ve been working on these questions with the other mods all month. Thaaaat’s about it, as there isn’t much to do around me except for go to pride, and I already explained why that was off the table.

3. Do you have any creative contributions to the aro community (art, comics, writing, moodboards, music, zines, informational posts, etc.)? Which do you like making the most? If you instead support aro creatives, what category of aro creations do you like best?

Hi, yeah, this blog. Shoutout to any of my followers who have been here since last year when all I posted on this blog was my writing... I guess you got more than you signed up for.

I write primarily short fiction for the aro community. I take soulmate prompts and spin them to be aromantic, and usually sad. Soulmates are a concept I hate with all my cold aro heart, so starting this blog was a mean of reclaiming that idea and making it a little less painful for myself and hopefully other aros. I’ve posted about this a thousand times, so I won’t go into more detail.

4. How do you feel aro creatives have impacted the community? Show some love to your favorite aro creators by @’ing them in this post and reblogging a bunch of their stuff. If you don’t have any favorites, now is a good opportunity to find a few!

Without aro creatives, we would have pretty much 0 content in general, as no one else seems to care about creating anything for us. @aroworlds is doing amazing work not only creating wonderful aro content but connecting other aro creators with one another and spreading the word. @aroacearborvitae makes moodboards and edits that brighten my day every time I see them. @arotryinghisbest is writing a novel if you want to go show him your support!

5. Is representation in mainstream media important to you? What about smaller, niche media? If so, why, and in what form would you like it to take?

Both are important, but for different reasons. I’m so thirsty for mainstream aromantic content that I would sell my soul for just one canon aromantic character on television. We need visibility, and we need people to know that we’re out here and that we exist and that we’re not broken or messed up or lying. But niche media is also important, as it often supports aromantic creators directly, and supporting small creators and media outlets is really important. Niche media can even sometimes be a gateway into mainstream media, if it picks up enough steam. Give me aro characters, please!

And that’s that. If you made it this far, congratulations, and thank you. Happy pride month! See you in the future when I hopefully start posting some more actual content...

#aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #aro pride month #long post #sheesh this is a monstrosity

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aroworlds · 7 years ago

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Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Shell

Our next aro-spec creator is Shell, already known to the aro-spec community as @arosnowflake and the author of the awesome short story Seducing Trouble!

Shell is an autistic, ADHD, non-binary aro-ace person who writes short stories, original fiction, fanfiction and essays. You can find eir fanworks on AO3 under the username spitecentral, writing for the Voltron: Legendary Defender, Fullmetal Alchemist, DC Universe, Batman and Batgirl fandoms, and we’ll hope ey posts more pieces from eir original Coffeeshop Project!

With us Shell talks about how ey writes romance as an aro-ace, depicting relationships in fiction, the impact of amatonormativity on creativity and eir alienation from current aro-spec community conversations. Eir words bound with enthusiasm on authentic creativity and the growth of the aro-spec community, so please let’s give em all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

I never thought I was anything other than straight, although I did start noticing that I was different from other people when I was as young as twelve (for example, I remember being asked to pick the handsomest guy in a boy band, but to me, they all looked the same). However, I simply put this down to my autism, and since I was already desensitized to differences with peers, I pretty much ignored it. That is, until I repeatedly saw the word ‘asexual’ used online, and I began to wonder what it was, so I googled it. After reading the first paragraph on the Wikipedia page, I basically slammed my computer shut and did my very best to convince myself that no, I was overreacting, and also straight; after all, I was already autistic and ADHD, so any more diversity would be implausible.

Past me was so naive.

Anyway, I came to terms with being asexual at sixteen, and openly started identifying with it without adding ‘I think’ when I was seventeen. When I learned about the SAM, I initially dismissed the idea of being aro because I had a couple of crushes when I was a kid. However, after learning more about aromanticism and after some conversations with aromantic people, I decided to adopt the label since it really fit me. I mean, I was like nine when I had those crushes, and I don’t feel like they counted. I’m fairly sure now that I was just having them because it seemed like the Thing To Do, and, even then, all of my fantasies involved a more platonic ‘best friends forever but with shared pets’ lifestyle than a romantic thing. So while I may or may not have had crushes before, I don’t think I ever will again, and I don’t want to either, so I’ve adopted the aromantic label. I know it sounds weird, but oh well!

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I don’t remember exactly why or when I began to write. I know it happened when I was around twelve, but that’s kind of it? It’s not really a spectacular story. As for how I began to create the things I do now, that’s slightly more interesting. Really, everything centers around one thing: spite. No one writes autistic characters, and no one writes stories with no romantic plotlines, so I guess I’ll have to do it myself! That’s my literal thought process behind my writing at any given moment, honestly. Even when I’m not writing about autism or other marginalized identities, I write obscure and sometimes absurdist fantasy with magic types or settings that I haven’t seen used before, because I find writing that fascinating, or because I’m annoyed that no one else has used that particular idea. I’m fairly sure that was the reason I began writing originally, too: I had stories I wanted to read, and no one was writing them, so I guess I’ll have to do it.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

Well, first and foremost, I never focus on romantic relationships. Even when they appear in the story, they are not the focus. I’m so sick and tired of reading romantic plotlines, and I am not planning on ever contributing to that trend, thank you very much. So platonic relationships, worldbuilding or character development are often central to the story, instead of romance.

Second, I have this habit of interpreting tropes differently than allos because of my aromanticism. Name soulmates, for example. I know they aren’t a very popular trope in the aro community, but I love them. However, I have a different definition of them than most: I’ve always interpreted a ‘soulmate’ as someone who changes your life (for better or for worse), not your ‘other half’ or whatever nonsense we’re on today. I didn’t even realize that wasn’t a widespread thing until I heard aros complain about soulmate tropes! Stuff like that happens on a fairly regular basis, so I think my aromanticism definitely affects how I write certain settings/tropes, too.

Third, if I do write romance, I feel like I do it in a different way than allo creators. First, I suck at it. Badly. I used to try and write it in the same way that I always heard about it, bold and dramatic and mushy, and my mom (my loyal proofreader when I was a kid), always looked at me awkwardly and was like, ‘No, that’s not how it��s done.’ Since I don’t experience it, I honest to god don’t get why people insist that it’s the best or most important feeling in the world. The way characters in fiction always put their friendships or anything else on hold when that person walks by just … baffles me. I can’t write romance that way. I just can’t.

Instead, I tend to write romance in a much quieter way. If two of my characters are in an established relationship (and it’s always established because I still can’t write ‘coming together’ stories for the life of me), they are casual and comfortable with each other. In any relationship I write, platonic or romantic, I find open communication and trust to be very important. I kind of give all my relationships that same base, and then I add little flavours that I think are unique to that type of relationship. For romance, this is soft love and PDA. PDA is usually quick kisses on the cheek, holding hands, etc. The love is the type of thing where they fondly smile whenever the other does anything, really. I think that more subtle way of writing romance works decently, although I have gotten a lot of people telling me that I often also write friendships as romance, which is weird because I don’t think I do? I add a louder sort of love to friends, generally, and when they do have a quiet moment, it’s usually more serious rather than fond, and I think that’s different. But maybe I do write friendships as romance but I haven’t noticed it? Or maybe it’s amatonormativity making people read it like that?

I don’t know. I have no clue what I’m doing. Save me.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

I can only talk about what I face as a fanfic writer, as I don’t really post my original works because I lack the platform for them. (I sometimes post stuff when there are events going on over on larger blogs than lil’ old me, but that doesn’t happen consistently enough to really be talked about.)

As a fanfic writer, well. I’m sure you’ve all heard it before: no one reads gen fic. Although I tend to have a pretty high kudos-to-hits ratio, that means nothing if you get less than 100 hits. In my case especially, as I tend to write for niche audiences, usually picking unpopular characters or friendships to write for, or writing specifically about autistic experiences. Not having the added hook of romance really hurts me in my exposure. Almost always when a story becomes kind of popular (as in it has 40+ kudos), it’s because it’s been recommended by someone with a bigger platform than me, or when I write about popular characters.

(There’s other reasons my stories don’t get popular, of course, like not knowing how to self-advertise and the fact that I have the charisma of a rock, but that’s not what this section is about.)

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

Not at all, honestly? I said before I talked to some aromantic people, but that was mostly by anon asks, and the few I did actually message, well, I remade my blog so now I don’t have any contact. On top of that, the aro community (to my knowledge) doesn’t really have a central tag? Like, the autistic community has the #actuallyautistic tag, but I think the closest we have is #safeforaro, which (to my understanding) is more a reaction to discourse than anything else.

Aside from that, the aro community is really small, and mostly focused on making younger aros accept their identity. While that’s great, as someone who already has accepted their identity, it distances me a bit. And the few blogs that don’t focus on this, while absolutely lovely, are always so … sad? A large part of the aro community is depressed and bitter, worrying about losing their friends, worrying about their future. While that’s absolutely valid, I’d already moved on from that when I was younger, when I accepted the fact that because I was autistic, I would have trouble connecting and staying connected to people. It’s disheartening, sure, but I’ve accepted it and moved past it, so seeing the aro community still hung up on it saddens me. I can’t really give advice because, well, their worries are legit and they just need to come to terms with it at their own pace, and I’m bad at comforting without advice, so I’m just kind of stuck listening to it. It drains me a lot, so I distance myself.

I feel like we, as a community, can do a lot to dismantle amatonormativity, but since we still haven’t figured out what it is exactly, and we’re still grieving over the way we’re impacted by it, we’re not getting anything done. I’m bad at connecting with communities when I don’t know how to contribute to them, so I don’t really interact with it. And outside of the internet, there seems to be no aro community at all (or at least I haven’t found it), so I feel very isolated.

Wow that got real dark real fast. Sorry for being such a downer, but I did feel like it needed to be said.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

…speaking of being a downer.

It’s well known that fandom isn’t a safe space for aro/ace people. It’s a very ship-centric place, to the point where it’s almost impossible to escape romance, and I hate it. I’m here because I like expanding on stories and characters and playing with established narratives, not because I want to see two people kiss. Because my wants and needs are different from most of the fandom, I tend to be isolated and unpopular, and while that’s mostly fine with me (it creates less drama), I really wish I had people to talk to.

As for being an original writer, I’ve already mentioned that I don’t post my work because I don’t have a platform. Now, granted, it’s rather difficult to create a platform as a writer, especially if you’re not that social and don’t know how to market yourself (hi), but I feel like being aro also helps to distance me. Romance is a rather large hook to any work of fiction in the publishing industry, to the point where some publishers will demand a romance subplot in your book. I write obscure things that I myself enjoy, and as a result, my stories aren’t very marketable. I doubt that I’ll ever get published, simply because I’m, well, weird.

I totally understand the publisher’s perspective of not wanting to pick up books or stories that simply won’t sell (and experience has told me that my stories will indeed never be popular), but it still saddens me. I could probably learn to write more popular stories, but I don’t want to do that, since writing for me really is about expressing myself (though I’m not judging anyone who writes popular stuff for money; we all need to eat).

So, to summarize, I’m not marketable or interesting either as a writer or as a fandom member to either communities, which isolates me, which sucks, but it also enables me to really stop giving a shit. Sounds weird, but once I figured out that I’m not gonna get published or be popular, I really felt free to do whatever I want. Because ultimately the only person that really likes my writing is me, I’ll make myself happy first and foremost. While this sounds kind of depressing, it’s actually motivated me to keep writing, and it stops me from getting too depressed or anxious when a story I post only gets a dozen or so kudos/notes, so I think that’s a positive thing. Because ultimately, to me, the most important thing about writing isn’t the community, it’s having fun and creating something new, and as long as I can do that, I’ll be happy.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

The obvious answer is read my stories and reblog/leave kudos/comment, which is also true for every other writer, but I feel like that’s ignoring the underlying reason romance-free stuff just doesn’t get popular. The reason my stuff is unpopular isn’t because of the aro community, but because of the alloro people being more numerous and not caring.

Instead, I’m going to say that I would be helped if the aro community started focusing more on what it means to be aro, expanding on the meaning of amatonormativity, and spreading the word to allo communities. Amatonormativity is something that hurts all of us, especially fellow LGBT+ members, and I think that once more people start to realize what it is and how it’s harmful, they would try to examine their own biases and help us dismantle it. That way, gen stories will get more popular in fandom spaces, and stories without a focus on romance will have more chance of thriving in the publishing industry. It’s not a foolproof plan, and maybe I’m just too optimistic about my fellow humans, but it’s worth a shot and better than doing nothing.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

I have several current projects! My ADHD always makes me bounce dozens of ideas around in my head and start even more works, but very few of them ever get finished. However! One story I’m fairly sure I’m getting finished is an original piece about a universe in which everyone needs to buy a heart on a necklace in order to feel love. It’s an old story that I’m reworking to contain less aromisia, since I was still rather ignorant when I wrote the first draft, but I think it has a lot of potential to examine love in its entirety, and I’m super excited about it!

The only thing I don’t like about it is the incredibly melodramatic writing style I’m using; unfortunately, my writing always seems to be needlessly dramatic and I cry every time I read it because I just hate it so much. Since this is a fairly serious piece, it’s even worse than usual. I’m toying with the idea of starting a humorous and light piece to offset it, probably about an aromantic witch and her familiar who con people into buying fake love potions.

And of course, my Coffeeshop Project is always ongoing!

The Coffeeshop Project is a project I started when I badly needed to de-stress. It’s been my go-to comfort project ever since, meaning that I try not to put pressure on myself over the quality of it, and that I don’t do any research specifically for the project (although I often incorporate research that I did for other things).

The Coffeeshop Project is a series of stand-alone short stories in the same universe centred around the shenanigans of the crew of Café Nowhere, a café with a supernatural clientele. (I’m afraid I have a soft spot for supernatural shops.)

The story I wrote for the aro prompt on this blog was actually part of it! It was set a couple of years prior to the current ‘canon’, and introduces Ethan, who is now 22 and is infamous for taking down an intergalactic smuggling ring. There are more crew members, but listing them would take forever, so if anyone is interested, feel free to just ask!

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

I have several ideas about forthcoming works that may or may not get written, including the above, a role reversal AU for Fullmetal Alchemist (for which I have to research a lot about blindness, and since I hate research but don’t want to compromise on an accurate betrayal of disability, that might never get finished – I’m sorry y’all, but I’m doing this for free and only have so many spoons), an in-progress work for Batman about magic that I just cannot seem to pace correctly, a fic with a respectful portrayal of an autistic Black Manta as a passive-aggressive middle finger to DC comics, an analysis of FMA and/or Harry Potter from an aromantic perspective, etc. But with my ADHD and my gazillion ideas it’s always a 50/50 chance that something actually gets finished, so I don’t like to promise anything.

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fuzziekins · 6 years ago

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It used to be so easy for Marianna. If only she could go back to that time….

She was open. From a young age she knew she was ‘different’. She didn’t experience crushes like her classmates. When asked who she likes or thought was cute Marianna would say she didn’t like anyone and proceeded to make up a silly story about someone. Everyone seemed to enjoy that. And, although she didn’t have the word for it at the time, no one seemed to mind or care.

She was confident. She knew what she was good at and unafraid to hide it. Math? Her hand always went right up. Basketball? Even if she wasn’t very tall she could speed past her opponent without a problem.

She was comfortable. Marianna was who she was. She felt there was no need to change nor would she want to. There was hardly, if ever, a need to lie about anything or cover something up. When everyone else was trying to fit in or give into peer pressure Marianna would never follow the crowd.

She had talked to her friends about bottled emotions before. For the most part she assumed it to be a lie. Or perhaps an exaggeration. When one friend spoke about saving up to buy some courage to talk to his crush, Marianna attempted to talk him out of it. She said he didn’t need to buy it; it was inside of him all along. A couple of weeks later her friend strutted right up to the crush, tapped them on the shoulder and said he liked them. It was such a drastic change from the shy, sensitive, pessimistic guy she knew.

Marianna continued to see such instances over the years.

In college she met a premed student who was miserable. They didn’t want to be a doctor, rather an engineer. A few days later they practically danced into class, overjoyed to be in the medical field.

At her first job after college Marianna had a boss who was preparing to be a father. Surprisingly he wasn’t nervous at all. That in turn made his wife more afraid. The boss couldn’t understand why; he wished so badly he could relate to her. Instead of therapy, the boss went out and bought some fear. He became as freaked out about his wife - even about the labor.

The older she got the more she saw people relying on these emotions. Surely though, they weren’t real. They were forced. Not genuine. It was like all of these people were lying. They were giving up a part of themselves. Marianna swore she would never be like that. That she’d never resort to it.

That is, until her mother passed away.

It came out of nowhere. No one could have predicted it. Maybe that was why it hit her so hard. Maybe that was why she felt so broken. Maybe that was why she gave up. She couldn’t focus on her job. She couldn’t bring herself to talk to anyone. She barely left the house. How could this happen now? She was still so young. So inexperienced. How was she supposed to continue living without her mother? The one person that was always there. Who encouraged and supported her. That she could talk to about everything.

A few months passed since the funeral. A distant cousin came to check on Marianna. She knew something was wrong. That Marianna couldn’t go on that way. This cousin, too, had gone through a devastating loss. She recommended the bottled emotions. Supposedly it was the happiness she bought that got her through, until she found real happiness. Before, Marianna wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But now? Truly, what did she have left to lose?

So she went to the mall, the nearest location that sold those things. Emotion Potions, the store was called. How uncreative. She arrived early, shortly after the store opened so there were no crowds.

“Good morning,” the pleasant saleswoman greeted. “What can I help you feel today?”

She sounded genuine, but somehow it still felt so fake.

“I…I don’t know,” Marianna confessed softly.

The associate pursed her lips, pausing. “Hmm…you seem like you could use some happiness. I can offer you a trial size for half off. Try it for the week.”

Marianna shook her head solemnly. “I don’t think anything can make me happy right now.”

“Don’t worry, you don’t need happiness specifically,” she promised. “We have plenty of options that can lead to happiness. I’ve got some motivation that can get you up and going in no time. Or, if you’re more of a creative person, we have a sale on inspiration this month. It’s a bogo!”

It remained unappealing.

The woman clicked her tongue. “You’ve got it pretty bad, don’t you?”

“I mean…. I just lost my mom. So….” Marianna confessed.

“Oh! I’m so sorry to hear that!” the associate gasped. “I didn’t realize it was that traumatic. If I had known…”

“It’s fine. You couldn’t have known,” Marianna sighed.

The blonde leaned up against one of the displays. “Do you want to talk about it? It’s ok if you don’t. But I’m not exactly busy right now.”

Marianna shook her head. “I don’t know,” she admitted softly. “I guess….” She paused. Was she really going to talk to this stranger? Let everything out? Sure she…whatever her name was…seemed understanding. But did she really care? Would it be worth to actually share with someone? Marianna shifted her gaze to the name tag. Eloise. Her stare was unchanging. Marianna took another glance at the woman. Eloise had her head tilted, flecks of concern twinkling in her eyes. Maybe…. What harm could it really do? What else did Marianna have to lose at this rate?

“It happened so quickly. We were in the store…. I went to another section for two minutes….” She hesitated and looked down, arms folded across her chest. “Then…I heard a scream. I ran back and…and she was down. Surrounded by people. And….” She shook her head. “And it was too late.

Eloise grasped her chest, hand hovering over her heart. “I’m so sorry…. I couldn’t even imagine…. That’s definitely an experience.”

“That’s one word, I suppose,” Marianna sighed.

“And your family? Are they…?” the blonde wondered.

Marianna shook her head. “Some distant relatives. They’re scattered. But…it was just her.”

Another pause ensued.

Eloise let out a breath, muttering to herself. “I picked a good day for some empathy.”

Marianna glanced up. “What was that?”

The employee blinked. “Oh don’t worry about me! I’m just talking to myself. You have a lot more on your plate.”

Any other day, any other time, Marianna’s suspicions would have risen. Today? Let alone recently? She just didn’t care anymore. “Oh….”

Eloise licked her lips, her bright nails lightly tapping against the table. “You know what?” she spoke after a minute. “I’m going to find something for you. On the house.”

“You don’t have to…” she started.

Eloise held up a hand. “I insist. And I’m even going to give you my card and a coupon. If what I give you helps, come back any time. Use my name. I’d be a fool to let you continue on this way. I want to help.” She signaled Marianna to follow her to the back. Extra storage, no doubt. Surely that proved to be an understatement. There were hundreds, perhaps thousands, of bottles. It wasn’t until that moment Marianna realized why others relied so much on this method. Maybe, just maybe, there was something to it after all?

“So!” Eloise’s voice broke through Marianna’s thoughts. The blonde was already climbing a ladder, looking through the stash. “Tell me a little more. Please. Are you back at work? Can I get you a pinch of focus for it?”

“No, I…no I’m not,” she sighed.

Eloise nodded and relocated to another shelf. “Do you have any close friends? I’ve got some extra courage around, if you need help talking to them.”

“I’d rather not/ They have their own problems. Kids and families and all…” Marianna answered.

“And you? Do you have a partner to lean on?” Eloise inquired.

At that, even Marianna couldn’t fight back her typical reaction. “Please. I’m aro. And anyway, boys have cooties and girls are catty.”

“Well you’re not wrong,” Eloise shrugged. She continued shifting through the bottles until she came to a halt. She blinked, tilting her head to glance at the customer below her. “Wait…you’re aro?”

Marianna groaned. “Yes. It’s a word. An actual thing.”

To that, her eyes widened. “Of course! It’s perfect!”

For once, a distracting response. Marianna blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

Eloise jumped down. “Aromantic! Of course! Why didn’t I realize?” She pushed the ladder, leapt onto one of the steps and rode it down the aisle. Once she stopped, she climbed to one of the top shelves.

Marianna put her hands on her hips. “If you got a problem with it…”

“I don’t!” Eloise called. She continued while moving some jars out of the way. “Aros don’t feel romantic love right? But the love they feel for everyone else in their life is so powerful they don’t need romance! If your mom was your best friend and the person you shared all that love with, then you have a void. What’s all that love good for if you don’t have anyone to share it with?”

“So what, you’re gonna give me a love potion?” Marianna asked doubtfully.

“No,” the employee scoffed. She jumped down and returned to her client. “As if! This is a romantic feeling. Specifically, attraction.”

Marianna took a step back. “Wait…are you trying to change me? You can’t just take my orientation away!”

“Attraction affects everyone differently. Just like how people can show happiness or sadness differently,” Eloise explained. “All this is gonna do is let you redirect that love you lost to someone else. It’s meant to help you get through this hardest time. It’s not going to replace or get rid of anyone or anything.”

“And how would you know?” Marianna questioned with disbelief.

There was a moment of silence. Still, Eloise’s face remained the same. Comfortable. In so few words she seemed to know exactly what she was talking about. Then, with a gentle stare, she offered the bottle to Marianna.

“You don’t have to take my word for it. You can try it or you can dump it. Either way, it’s yours now. And I really hope you can find what you’re looking for.”

Marianna stared at her. She looked at the bottle, taking in its appearance. It looked like a regular perfume bottle. The liquid inside was salmon colored. There was a faint aura surrounding it…maybe a scent of lavender? Marianna couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She tapped her fingers lightly against the glass and, when she looked up, Eloise was gone. Marianna’s hazel eyes skimmed the storage room. It was just her.

Her gaze returned to the attraction. Curious, she twisted the cover. A nozzle was revealed underneath. Was it a spray? Did it work like perfume? Or did she work it like a can of whipped cream? She tilted her head. Marianna did often rely on her mother a lot…. When she had no one else, she still had her mom. She didn’t realize how empty she could feel otherwise. How alone.

Was Eloise right? Was it really a replacement, albeit a temporary one? Would it really not change who Marianna was? Would it help? Would this pain, this hole, be fixed that quickly? And then she could move on with her life? It sure seemed to work for everyone else so far. Could it have been possible they were right all along? That Marianna was the one missing something?

There was only one way to find out.

#writing prompt #writing #random #short story #bottled emotions #pinterest

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mutant-jojos · 8 years ago

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In the spirit of Aggressively Arospec Month, I’ve decided to repost the aro Jotaro fic I wrote back in March. Normally I’d just link the AO3 post, but seeing as Tungle.hell doesn’t let outside links appear in tags anymore, I’ll just post it here. It’s short enough, anyway.

This is a very personal piece that was written very hastily, partly as a vent fic, and partly out of bitterness that the one (1) fic in the aromantic tag for JJBA at the time was about Polnareff having a one-sided crush on Kakyoin. It may not be the best fic in the world, but I hope it at least helps someone understand what it’s like to be aromantic. Please don’t forget about us.

Rating: M (Swearing, mentions of sexual stuff) Words: 2,212 Characters: Jotaro and Kakyoin Pairings: NONE Content warnings: Internalized arophobia, whatever the hell you would call mentions of fucking anthropomorphic trains (...it makes more sense in context I swear)

Jotaro lay on his side on his bed, a book in one hand, the other absent-mindedly petting Star Platinum (who was happily gnawing on a sock). On the floor in mostly disassembled heap was Kakyoin, scrolling through his phone with his one intact hand, reading Wikipedia or looking at post-modern surrealist memes or whatever it was Kakyoin did online anyway.

To an outsider, it might have seemed like they were ignoring each other and thus being bad friends, but it was quite the opposite. It was their ideal type of “hanging out”- just enjoying each other’s company, with the freedom to pursue their own interests, and no pressure to interact or search for some sort of compromise instead of doing what they each wanted to do. And besides, they did occasionally engage in conversation, just not to an unnecessary extent.

“Hey,” Kakyoin broke the silence, tilting his head back to look at Jotaro. “If you could play any obscure video game, what would it be?”

Jotaro snorted. “I don’t think I even know any obscure games. I’m not a dorito gremlin like you,” he teased.

“Oh, come on. There’s gotta be at least something weird you’ve always wanted to play,” Kakyoin prodded, smirking slightly.

Jotaro put his book down for a moment as he thought about it, trying to recall any video games that sounded interesting.

“I don’t know… I guess, maybe… Earthbound,” he decided. “Dunno what it’s about exactly, but I heard it’s kinda fucked up. And I guess you get to hit things with a baseball bat, so that’s cool.”

Kakyoin nodded. “I think the plot is like… Zelda, but it’s South Park, and designed to break your spirit,” he described vaguely.

“Oh, in that case I take it back. South Park is obnoxious.”

“It’s not literally South Park,” Kakyoin corrected him. “Just, you know, it’s like grade schoolers from the city doing fucked up shit… or… Look, I’ve never played it, I don’t know,” he admitted finally.

“Well then you shouldn’t have asked me to pick an obscure game,” Jotaro pointed out. “Anyway, I know you only asked so you could tell me about something, so go ahead.”

“I want to play the Fullmetal Alchemist video games,” Kakyoin said resolutely. Clearly, Jotaro had been correct.

Jotaro raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I didn’t know it had video games.”

“Yeah, there’s a couple,” Kakyoin replied. “They’re kind of hard to find these days, so I’ve never managed to get one, but I’ve wanted to play them for a while. I heard there’s one where Ed dies,” he added with a slow, wide-eyed nod, as if sharing some controversial rumor.

“That makes no sense. He’s the protagonist, he can’t die,” Jotaro said with a confused frown.

“I think he like, gets stabbed or something, and then he comes back to life…”

“...Isn’t like, the entire point of the series that people can’t come back from the dead? Like, I’m pretty sure they made that clear in episode 1,” Jotaro pointed out, even more confused.

“I know, it makes no sense. Which is why I totally want to see it,” Kakyoin laughed. “Ed was my first crush, you know.”

Jotaro went quiet for several seconds.

“...Al’s better,” Jotaro mumbled after a while.

“Oh, so Al was your Fullmetal crush?” Kakyoin teased.

Jotaro frowned in disgust. That was not what he’d meant.

“No.”

“Really? Then why are you blushing?” Kakyoin countered with a knowing smirk.

“Because it’s an embarrassing question, now leave me alone,” Jotaro growled, pulling his hat down over his face. The conversation was quickly becoming something Jotaro did not wish to discuss.

“Alright,” Kakyoin gave in, sounding slightly apologetic. “Answer me one question, though.”

“What is it?”

“Who was your first crush?” Kakyoin asked curiously.

Oh no.

Oh no. Shit. Fuck. Oh no. Why did Kakyoin have to ask that question? How the hell was Jotaro supposed to answer that? It wasn’t like he could just say he’d never had one, what kind of 18-year-old had never had a crush? Jotaro realized he’d have to make something up. He petted Star Platinum nervously as he went through mental lists of people, trying to pick someone that sounded reasonable for him to be attracted to.

“...R-Rosalind Franklin,” he decided after a minute, and then mentally kicked himself for being so hasty with his answer. Rosalind Franklin? Really?

“Ok, that’s a lie,” Kakyoin replied.

Jotaro’s eyes widened in horror. “What… what makes you say that,” he deadpanned. He briefly considered stopping time and just leaving, but that would only increase Kakyoin’s suspicions.

“For one thing, you sounded really uncertain and kind of like you were just making that up. And besides, aren’t you gay?” Kakyoin explained.

“Uh.” Was Jotaro gay?

Probably, he thought. It seemed like a reasonable conclusion. How could he be so foolish as to forget he was, evidently, gay? Damn you, Rosalind Franklin.

“What’s up with you? You’re being weirdly dodgy about this,” Kakyoin pointed out, frowning slightly. “Is there something you’re afraid to tell me?”

Jotaro didn’t respond; he didn’t know how to. He was completely backed into a corner. Out of options, he adjusted his hat again, and sighed before reluctantly answering.

“I’m fucked up, Kakyoin,” he said quietly.

“I know, but what’s that have to do with anything?” Kakyoin asked gently.

“I don’t get crushes. I just don’t. I don’t think I can,” Jotaro explained, running his fingers along the brim of his hat nervously. “I don’t even really know what a crush is supposed to feel like. Hell, I thought romance was fake until like, last year,” he added with an anxious laugh.

Kakyoin gave him a confused, slightly worried look. “What do you mean, fake? You thought people only pretend to get married and all that? Jotaro, that makes no sense.”

Jotaro shook his head. “No, not exactly, like… Back in middle school I’d see all these kids dating and shit, and I always thought ‘Oh, they don’t really like each other. Nobody gets those kinds of feelings at this age. They’re just imitating what they see on TV.’ And I guess I just kinda kept thinking that without realizing it, until I was like 17 and then it finally hit me that… It’s just me, I’m the weird one,” he finished with a sigh.

“Oh… I see,” Kakyoin said with a slow, careful nod, as if thinking carefully about Jotaro’s confession. “Um… Sorry I pressured you like that. That was wrong of me,” he admitted apologetically, looking away.

Jotaro gave a little shrug, and pretended to go back to reading his book- though really, his heart was racing too much to pay attention to it. He pulled Star Platinum close to his chest, and held the odd creature like a cat as he tried to calm down, or at least to look calm. Kakyoin had returned to his phone and seemed determined about whatever he was doing, and his lack of real reaction to Jotaro’s confession worried Jotaro. Was Kakyoin angry at him?

The minutes passed in agonizing silence, the only sounds being the ticking of the clock on the wall, the gentle gurgling of the fish tank filter, and the occasional electronic clacking of Kakyoin typing on his phone. As Star Platinum chewed on the sleeve of Jotaro’s hoodie, Jotaro found himself regretting everything he’d said in the past 5 minutes. And then regretting everything he had said ever, in his entire life. He regretted his whole existence. He felt like he’d just ruined his only friendship by admitting just how weird he really was. And sure, he had a laundry list of issues that had never bothered Kakyoin, but surely Kakyoin had to have a limit, right? He wasn’t talking to him, so Jotaro must have finally found the breaking point. This was it. It was all over. Jotaro had fucked up, all because he… didn’t have a crush on Alphonse Elric? Was that the original topic? It didn’t matter. Friendship was dead and so was Jotaro. Happiness was a lie and all roads led to anxiety.

“Hey, are you ok?” Kakyoin asked, breaking Jotaro’s train of thought.

“What,” Jotaro responded flatly, feeling slightly confused. By his side, Star Platinum squeaked and wiggled around in an attempt to escape Jotaro’s too-tight hug.

“You look like you’re kinda freaking out,” Kakyoin informed him sympathetically, as Star Platinum finally managed to slip free, and ran to his bed.

“I’m fine,” Jotaro replied hastily.

“You don’t look fine.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

Jotaro gave Kakyoin a slow, awkward thumbs up. Clearly the epitome of composure.

Kakyoin frowned worriedly. “Hey, look, I’m not mad at you or anything, I promise. It’s perfectly ok with me that you don’t like anyone,” he assured Jotaro.

“...Are you sure?” Jotaro questioned hesitantly.

“Jojo, you’d still be my best friend even if you were exclusively attracted to anthropomorphic trains,” Kakyoin promised, with a slight laugh.

“Why the fuck would I be into that?” Jotaro exclaimed in disgust, sitting up abruptly.

“I dunno, there seem to be a surprising amount of people who want to fuck Thomas the Tank Engine gijinkas,” Kakyoin replied with a shrug.

Jotaro shuddered. “Please, never say that sentence ever again.”

“Gladly,” Kakyoin agreed.

Kakyoin reformed his body, his unravelled arms and legs pulling together like a retracting yo-yo to return to a human shape, and then sat down at the foot of the bed.

“So I looked up some stuff, and… Forgive me if I’m jumping to conclusions, but from what you said it sounds like you might be aromantic,” he began seriously.

Jotaro frowned at him confusedly. “No, I just said I don’t do romance,” he reiterated, misunderstanding Kakyoin’s statement.

“Not ‘a romantic’, aromantic,” Kakyoin corrected him. “‘A’ as in ‘without’.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s like… supposedly there’s two types of attraction- Ok no, there’s actually more than that, but like as far as dating and all that goes there’s two: romantic attraction and sexual attraction,” Kakyoin began his explanation. “Romantic attraction is all the kissing and getting married and I love yous and all that-” (Jotaro rolled his eyes in disgust) “-And sexual attraction is fairly self-explanatory.”

“Makes sense,” Jotaro said, and looked at Kakyoin expectantly, waiting for him to get to the point.

“So someone who’s aromantic might experience sexual attraction, but not romantic attraction,” Kakyoin finished.

Jotaro paused for a moment to think about this. It certainly seemed logical, sure, but…

“That’s just hypothetical, though,” he decided.

Kakyoin raised an eyebrow. “Well… Sure, I guess you could look at it that way, but most sociological stuff is pretty hypothetical by definition,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but people like that don’t really exist,” Jotaro insisted.

“Of course they do,” Kakyoin argued.

Jotaro gave him an unconvinced look. “So you’re telling me that there are people out there other than me who have never liked anyone, aren’t going to like anyone, and aren’t just royally fucked up in the head?” he repeated sarcastically.

“That’s exactly what I’ve been saying this whole time, yeah,” Kakyoin answered, trying his best to be patient but still sounding ever so slightly irritated.

Jotaro shook his head. “I don’t buy it. That just doesn’t happen to other people.”

“And how would you know, anyway?” Kakyoin countered, to Jotaro’s surprise. “You only have six people you talk to on a regular basis, I swear you leave the house like once every time Halley’s comet comes around, and you don’t use social media much either,” he pointed out. “If all the women in the world shaved their heads, you wouldn’t notice unless it was mentioned in a scientific journal.”

Damn.

“...Fine, I guess you have a point,” Jotaro admitted reluctantly.

Maybe Kakyoin was right. Maybe there was more to it than just Jotaro’s mental health issues. Really, it wasn’t like he wanted to be alone; he’d just grown up so surrounded by romance that he found it hard to believe that there could be anyone out there who felt the same way he did.

But maybe… maybe he wasn’t so broken after all.

Kakyoin gave Jotaro a gentle nudge.

“Besides… Even if you’re the only one in the world, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You don’t have to like anyone. It’s ok,” he promised, gentle yet persistent.

Jotaro stared at Kakyoin for a minute, not sure what to say. He wasn’t really one to express his emotions much, but… Somehow, hearing those words felt like he’d finally found something he’d been searching for his whole life, without even knowing it. Like something was finally going right.

“...Thanks,” he said quietly, and he meant it.

Kakyoin smiled in response, looking almost proud. “Of course.”

“Hey… Don’t mention this to anyone, ok?” Jotaro added as an afterthought. While it was nice that Kakyoin accepted him, the last thing he needed was Joseph “New Crush Every Month” Joestar getting on his back about things.

“Sure,” Kakyoin agreed.

“Thanks,” Jotaro repeated once again. Hesitantly, he reached for Kakyoin’s hand, a quiet, shy gesture of affection.

Kakyoin responded by moving in close to Jotaro’s side, leaning his head against Jotaro. Jotaro sighed contentedly and put an arm around Kakyoin’s shoulders.

“Want to watch a movie?” Kakyoin suggested.

“Yeah.”

Maybe things weren’t so bad after all.

#JJBA #Jotaro Kujo #Aromantic #Arospec #AggressivelyArospecWeek #Writing

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cactii-studies · 8 years ago

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I was tagged by @omuii! Thank you so much! I know it’s taken me a while to do this, but dang I’m pumped!

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: Cold tea. Is it possible to live in Japan and have your last drink be anything other than tea?? 2. Phone call: I actually just talked to my dad for 45 minutes. I haven’t been making many phone calls lately though, since I’m on exchange. 3. Text message: I was texting a friend of mine, and we were talking about missing our cats when we’re away from home, and I said, “Ikkkkk such cute dorks” in reference to cats. 4. Song you listened to: “A Whole New World” from Aladdin, since Disney is really popular in Japan, and it was on in the car. 5. Time you cried: I have no idea. I was a bit homesick on Friday, and teared-up a bit, but didn’t actually cry.

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: I’ve never dated anyone, let alone twice. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No, I’ve never kissed anyone either. 8. Been cheated on: Once again, I’ve never been with someone in the first place. 9. Lost someone special: Yeah, my pets. 10. Been depressed: I used to be, but not anymore. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: No, I’ve never been drunk.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Napier green, Oxford blue, bright orange.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yes. I started a new school, and I’m in Japan now, so I’ve made new friends. 16. Fallen out of love: I was never in love to fall out of. 17. Laughed until you cried: Definitely . 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Haven’t we all?? 19. Met someone who changed you: Yes. 20. Found out who your friends are: Yes. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Back at it again with never kissing anyone lol.

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I have about 60 friends on Facebook, and I know all but one of them irl. 23. Do you have any pets: I have three cats and three dogs. 24. Do you want to change your name: No, I really like my name. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: My family and I played board games, and just chilled around the house, and then went out for Japanese food for dinner. 26. What time did you wake up: I woke up at 6:00 in the morning, because I had school. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was uploading pictures from my trip to Tokyo, from my phone, onto my computer. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: College in Japan. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: At the airport exactly 14 days ago, before I left for Japan. I really, really miss her. My mom and I are so so close. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Does being able to live in Japan long-term count?? 31. What are you listening to right now: My air conditioner. It’s so loud omg. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: My dad’s name is Tom haha. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Honestly nothing?? Japan is so stress-free and laid-back. I couldn’t be happier. 34. Most visited websites: Tumblr, AO3, and YouTube.

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: I don’t have any moles, just freckles that never go away. 36. Mark/s: I have a bunch of scars because I was am very clumsy. 37. Childhood dream: To own a bunch of cats. 38. Hair color: Light brown. 39. Long or short hair: I used to have hair that touched the backs of my knees, but now it swings above my shoulders. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Honestly I have no idea. I’m still deciding. 41. What do you like about yourself: My intelligence. I’m chronically ill, and can’t rely on my physical strength for much. Because of this, I really focus on academics, and it’s an area that I achieve in. 42. Piercings: Each earlobe is pierced once. Unfortunately, I have a metal allergy, so I never wear earrings. 43. Blood type: I don’t know, but I really want to know. 44. Nickname: Trash. 45. Relationship status: Single. 46. Zodiac: I’m a Capricorn, and I fit pretty much every stereotype. 47. Pronouns: She/her. 48. Favorite TV Show: Does Aldnoah.Zero count?? Either that, or Magi.

49. Tattoos: None. I don’t want any either. 50. Right or left hand: I’m right-handed. 51. Surgery: I had jaw surgery a few years ago, plus an endoscopy when I was really little, and a colonoscopy last year, if those count. 52. Hair dyed in different color: I sprayed it black for a day in 8th grade for Halloween, but that’s it. 53. Sport: Like I mentioned earlier, I can’t play sports anymore. However, I ran track for three years in middle school. 55. Vacation: Japan will always be my dream trip. 56. Pair of trainers: I’m assuming this is the same things as sneakers?? I don’t really wear sneakers, since I don’t play sports. I wear Vans pretty much every day though.

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: I’m casually snacking on Cheez-Its right now, because I was craving junk food. 58. Drinking: Cold tea. 59. I’m about to: Write postcards to my friends and family. 61. Waiting for: College and dinner, because I really love Japanese food. 62. Want: To live in Japan. I’ll never shut up about how amazing it is here. 63. Get married: Getting married is quite possibly the worst thing I can imagine putting myself through. I’m aromantic af, so I can’t stand the thought of it. 64. Career: I’d love to be a literary translator. Ideally from Japanese to English.

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs, because I don’t like kissing. 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes, because there are so many colors and shades of them. 67. Shorter or taller: I’m pretty short, so I like it when people are taller than me. 68. Older or younger: For me, it’s maturity that matters, not age. I’m really mature for my age, so I enjoy talking with people who are mature as well. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I don’t have a preference. 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive. I’m very skittish around loud noises, so I don’t like people who are very loud. However, my best friend is insanely loud, so someone please explain how that happened. 72. Hook up or relationship: Neither. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: In the words of @omuii, “i’m a hesitant trouble-maker”

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: No. 75. Drank hard liquor: Yes. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I’ve never lost my glasses, but I regularly drop my contacts when taking them out/putting them in. 77. Turned someone down: Yes. 78. Sex on the first date: NO. 79. Broken someone’s heart: I don’t know. 80. Had your heart broken: No. 81. Been arrested: No. 82. Cried when someone died: Yes. 83. Fallen for a friend: No.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Yes. 85. Miracles: Yes. 86. Love at first sight: No. 87. Santa Claus: Kind of. Logically, no. However, part of me enjoys making cookies for him (and then eating them). 88. Kiss on the first date: No.

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: Alex and Kathryn. 91. Eye color: Light blue. 92. Favorite movie: The Road to El Dorado.

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE:

As usual, please don’t feel obligated to do this! Only do it if you’d like :)

#about me #tags

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wingslovesfiction · 8 years ago

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tagged by: @monkeysatemylastrolo (here is her post) who is writing the lovely Supernatural/Avengers crossover fanfic Trading places on AO3 under the username Vegetableswillhavetheirrevenge. I think I found your AO3 profile and therefore your fic through your tumblr, then promplty forgot about it cause you have a very different username :D rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people tagging: This is so difficult... @tigerlilynoh @semirahrose @denugis @l-e-i-n-t-h @posingasme I’d tag @eruthiawenluin but she’s already answered here, @rirren @fioreitaliano @mixgoldenphoenix @forlorn-kumquat @waterbird13 but only if they want to. Any anyone else who wants to. :)

Sorry, but I’m incapable of giving short answers, apparently.

the last 1. drink: water. pretty much always. 2. phone call: my father, day before yesterday, about some potential tenants. 3. text message: ...also to my father, apparently. It was over a week ago, letting him and my mom know know when I was getting back. 4. song you listened to: not sure... it was in a fanvid, probably? I’ve rewatched sone SPN fanvids recently. Oh, no, it was that Anaconda/Phantom of the Opera mashup on here, wasn’t it? Yikes. 5. time you cried: I cry pretty rarely, and that’s usually because of a piece of fiction... it was either Atonement (movie with James McAvoy), or else a movie I don’t even know the title of, it just involved a grandmother almost dying, and I happened to be in the room at that part, and a relative of ours died recently - and I did not cry then, this stupid movie just triggered it somehow. 6. dated someone twice: how do you even count dates if you’re aroace but you slowly drift into a relatioship with your best (only) friend on a “I want to try this” basis? But I suppose the answer is: now, since I have a boyfriend at the moment. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: 2012 iirc, first time I tried kissing and hated it. But it was also good to know I don’t like it, so it’s not a big regret. Recenty it turned out I can like kissing, though. 8. been cheated on: never. 9. lost someone special: Mum’s cousin died a couple of months ago. 10. been depressed: it’s not to diagnosable levels, but I’m depressed and anxious a lot when I’m stressed, so this January-April had some difficult parts when I was writing my thesis. But 2013 autumn (I think?) was the only time I went to a therapist for it, cause wanting to die instead of dealing with stuff is not a nice thought to have that often. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: never. I drink so rarely and so little when I do that I don’t think it will ever happen.

3 favorite colors 12. green 13. blue 14. yellow if mixed with the first two. Otherwise silver?

in the last year have you 15. made new friends: yes (but not close friends) 16. fallen out of love: so far I seem to be 100% aromantic... 17. laughed until you cried: Laughed a lot, yes, but I don’t remember if I ever cried from laughing. 18. found out someone was talking about you: what does this even mean? in secret? no. 19. met someone who changed you: do people who teach you stuff count? 20. found out who your friends are: ...no? 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: what facebook list? I only kissed one person, and we are friends on fb, yes...

general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them. I only have people on there who are to do with my real life, not my internet life. “knowing” them might be an exaggeration, though. 23. do you have any pets: my family has one cat atm. 24. do you want to change your name: Nope. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: parents, siblings & their SOs, cake. 26. what time did you wake up: Midday... 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sat in my parents’s car, coming back from a day trip to the Cserhát mountains. 28. name something you can’t wait for: I’m good right now... I’d rather this summer dragged on forever, since I just got my degree and start work in September (as much as I love my future job). There’s movies I’m looking forward to, but I can wait. 29. when was the last time you saw your mum: a second ago. 31. what are you listening to right now: birdsong; my parents talking at times. 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I don’t think so. Maybe. Does the Hungarian equivalent of the name count? 33. something that is getting on your nerves: politics and news. More personally (tmi?): the roots of my body hair getting inflamed all the time. 34. most visited website: gmail, technically, from where I go to FFNet or AO3 for fanfic updates. Recently, tumblr is creeping back up. 35. hair colour: brown. 36. long or short hair: short (pixie!). I got it cut almost exactly 2 years ago, I wore it long before then. 37. do you have a crush on someone: No, still aro. 38. what do you like about yourself: I have a high IQ. It has its drawbacks (mainly my conscience screaming “why are you not doing MORE if you have the ability”), but I don’t know what I’d do without it. 39. piercings: no. 40. blood type: I don’t know. 41. nickname: Wings on the internet, rather not say in person. My given name is from the Bible so it’s pretty common in a lot of countries, but the nickname for it that I use only exists in my country (Hungary). 42. relationship status: like I said: ‘dating’ my best friend who knows I’m aro and (mostly?) ace, on the basis “let’s give it a try since we enjoy each other’s company”. It’s going well, so far, but he’s been in Germany for the past few months on a scholarship. 43. zodiac: Taurus (ascendant: Libra) 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: I have a lot of stuff I love a lot, it changes over time which one I’m focused on. I don’t have the objectivity to choose from them. Supernatural and Stargate: SG-1 deserve mentioning because I haven’t only read a ton of fanfic for them, I have also written a bit. 46. tattoos: nope. 47. right or left handed: right. 48. surgery: None. My broken arm only needed a cast. 49. piercing: I’d like to leave monkeysatemylastrolo’s answer here: “Why is ‘piercing’ any different from the ‘piercings’ of question 39? Is there some special magical power people gain depending on the number of piercings they have?” 50. sport: Tai chi (Taijiquan). It’s great. It’s martial arts and meditation but it’s slow moving and graceful and I could start it when I was out of breath just going up the stairs. Never looked back. I would like swimming, if *something* wouldn’t always get in the way. 51. vacation: I’m spending my summer with my parents in my childhood home. It counts as vacation because there’s clean air and lakes and I won’t be living here from September, when I start working in Budapest. 52. pair of trainers: yes? What about them? I have two pairs of cheap flat-soled ones for tai chi, and a pair of not-really-trainers for street wear (white, black, and light green, respecitvely). 53. eating: I just had some ice cream cake left over from my dad’s birthday. 54. drinking: water. again. 55. i’m about to: dunno. Read fanfic, probably, or answer some emails if there are any potential tenants. 56. waiting for: my graduation ceremony in two weeks? 57. want: realistically? To enjoy and earn enough money with the job I’m starting in September. Unrealistically? Superpowers, preferably ones involving flight, preferably wings + the assorted powers I made up. 58. get married: Probably not. I might enter a long-term relationship in order to raise children, if I come to want any, and then it might be worth it for legal&economic reasons, but... 59. career: Translator (Hungarian, English, some German). Just starting out. 60. hugs or kisses: Hugs. Not from everyone, though. 61. lips or eyes: is this a “what do I notice on people as attractive” question? In person: nothing. I do notice the eyes of some actors I’m a fan of, and the lips of one cause they’re always improbably red. 62. shorter or taller: I’m of average height for a woman, I think. 63. older or younger: Than whom? I’m 27. 64. nice arms or nice stomach: again: is this a “what do I notice on people as attractive” question? Again, nothing. 65. hook up or relationship: Mostly neither, but I have to say relatinship since I have something like that at the moment, and I never had a hook up. 66. troublemaker or hesitant: I’m mostly hesitant, except about stuff like climbing a tree on a hike or stuff like that.

have you ever 67. kissed a stranger: No. I’m definitely not attracted to strangers. 68. drank hard liquor: yes, to try the tase, or to settle my stomach, but always just a minimal amount. 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: Nope. Never had contacts. I did sit on my glasses on a holiday once, and they warped pretty badly, so I was without them for a little over a week... 70. turned someone down: Yes. All three people that ever asked me out, all of them after one or two dates (I felt like I had to try), all before I heard or thought about aromanticism and asexuality. The second involved a lot of tears, but then I was friends with him for a long time after that. 71. sex on the first date: Nope. 72. broken someone’s heart: I don’t think so. It might be on the horizon, though, if the boy I’m dating comes to love me and comes to hate the fact that I don’t feel that strongly... 73. had your heart broken: Romantically: nope, still 100% aromantic. It breaks my heart what we’re doing to the planet (and ourselves), though. Seriously, I have cried about that more than once. 74. been arrested: No, not even close. 75. cried when someone died: I think I only cried at the funeral, not when I got the news. 76. fallen for a friend: Never been in love!

do you believe in 77. yourself: Repeat after me: “I believe in myself.” 78. miracles: I believe in some stuff that sceptics would say is unscientific nonsense, partly cause I’ve experienced some of it, partly cause I’m hoping it’s true, but I wouldn’t classify them as miracles. 79. love at first sight: for some people, I guess it’s possible, I mean, there are enough stories about it. 80. santa claus: we don’t even have him in Hungary in the same form as americans&co do :) A dude based on Saint Nicholas comes on his day, the 6th of December and brings chocolate, tangerines and peanuts, but I know it’s my parents :) Christmas gifts are brought by the baby Jesus’s angels (again, also known as my parents). 81. kiss on the first date: Is that something to believe in? If you want it, do it, it doesn’t have anything to do with me. 82. angels: Ehh... no? Souls or similar, yes, some kind of afterlife, yes, because I don't think the human mind is just flesh, but anything as specific as angels? I have no way of knowing, and I don’t want to dismiss other religions by saying I believe in something that’s specific to only a few of them, so...

other 83. current best friend’s name: I only have the one close friend, who I’m “dating”, and I’m not telling you his name. (I’m bad at relationships. Not just romantic ones, but friendly ones as well. I have people I’m friendly with, but maintaining a relationship outside fixed programs like school, work, tai chi training, choir practice, etc. - how does one even do that?! I’m too lazy and too selfishly satisfied with my own company to spend my energy on that, apparently.) 84. eye color: green, but brownish (is that hazel?) 85. favorite movie: see question 45 about favorite TV show, except I never actually managed to write fanfic for any of them. How do I choose?!?! Star Wars, I guess? Return of the Jedi, if I have to choose one from them. The Matrix, if you want something a bit less fandom-y.

#I'm not proofreading this #sorry if I accidentally left in an answer by monkeysatmylastrolo #or for spelling mistakes #I have my spellcheck off because you can't set two languages at the same time #so it would always underline either everything in hun or everything in eng and that got annoying #personal #tumblr stuff #tumblr games #reblog if...#my post #post by me #I need to revise my tagging system #this took absurdly long #but it's way less stressful than answering people lookinf for a flat #which is what I'm supposed to be doing

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unitedspoonsofvulcan · 8 years ago

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Thanks to @herequeeranduncomfortable for tagging me in this thing!

THE LAST:

Drink: very cheap, very flat champagne

Phone call: Technically my voicemail, but actually my Mom lol

Text message: A long text containing my conspiracy theory on how James Franco is an asshole who takes advantage of the gay community for the $$$ and how much I hate him

Song listened to: “Beth” performed by Kina Grannis

Time I cried: It’s been a stressful time for me lol. So like a few hours ago?

HAVE YOU:

Dated someone twice: I don’t have enough dating experience for that to even be a possibility ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Kissed someone and regretted it: I guess a little? Once when I was drunk I made out with a straight girl who I kinda disliked and was not attracted to. But I’m flattered that I was her first gay experience so it kinda levels out for me lol

Been cheated on: again, I haven’t dated enough for that

Lost someone special: not to death, but I’ve lost some close friends due to personal circumstances

Been depressed: Yeah for like ten years now lol

Gotten drunk and thrown up: ooooh yes. But I don’t let it stop me from continuing to drink lmao

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

Royal blue

uhhhh navy blue

black?

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made new friends: I’ve met one or two people I’m friendly with, but we’re not *friends* friends

Fallen out of love: no

Laughed until you cried: Probably! There’s this one story I can’t tell without absolutely losing my shit laughing, so I”m sure at very least I cried at that

Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah kinda but like I could tell what she thought about me in the looks she gave, so it wasn’t really a surprise or a secret when I heard what she told other people lol

Met someone that changed you: I haven’t had a very social year, so no. Maybe in the upcoming months though? Who knows.

Found out who your friends are: I think I already knew

Kissed someone on your fb friend list: No actually! Sadly I haven’t kissed anyone all year.

GENERAL:

How many of your fb friends do you know irl: All of them except for a handful

Any pets: At “home” I have a cat named Kitty who I’m going to get to see again very soon!!!

Do you want to change your name?: I’ve always hated my first name, but I could never come up with a fitting alternative. I’m fine with just going by my last name though.

What did you do for your last birthday: Cried a lot lol. My friend did end up making me a really nice last-minute dinner but other than that it was a really bad day tbh

What time did you wake up: sometime after 4PM. I’m on that summer sleep schedule

What were you doing at midnight last night?: Definitely on the couch. Possibly napping? If not then I was watching tv or something

Something you can’t wait for: Moving out of the state of Louisiana

One thing I wish I could change in my life: Idk I guess being more personable/less hateful would probably make my life a lot easier for me.

Listening to right now: Literally at this moment? Nothing. In general in my life? Also nothing lmao I’m just listening to the same shit I have been for years

Ever talked to a Tom?: I don’t think so

Something getting on your nerves: Kinda everything lmao I’m an easily aggravated person

Most visited website: Youtube/tumblr

Moles: Yeah I have quite a few! I’ve got some little constellations on my arm, and a really cute one on my ear. My favorite is this one between my boobs tbh

Marks: I guess the only one is the skin just below my nail on my index finger, which is permanently slightly pink and swollen form years of picking at it

Childhood dream: The only thing I specifically remember wanting as a child was “a big ball of cats”

Hair colour: Kinda dark brown

Long or short hair: Short! Although it’s a little shaggy at the moment

Do you have a crush on someone: Nah I’m aromantic

What do you like about yourself: Usually almost everything but currently nothing

Piercings?: Three in each earlobe, plus my nostril

Blood type: idk

Nickname: I don’t think I have one? I had Syrup for a short period of time when I was little

Relationship status: single

Zodiac: Capricorn

Pronouns: I don’t really care what people use for me but she/her is fine

Fave TV show: I can’t really narrow it down to one but I like Pushing Daisies, A;TLA, Over the Garden Wall for a miniseries. Maybe Star Trek DS9

Tattoos: None as of now, but I’m considering getting a Sasha Velour tattoo because I’m in love with her

Right or left hand: right, although I did try to learn to be ambidextrous when I was little. It didn’t work obviously lol

Surgery: I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed, but no real surgeries

Hair dyed a different colour: I died my hair black during my goth days, and for a short while I had blue streaks in it

Sport: lol no

Vacation: I’d love one to anywhere, but probably won’t be going on one for quite a while

Pairs of trainers: I have two pairs of cheap sneakers. One is for looking cute and makes me a little taller. The other is for comfort so they get worn a lot more

MORE GENERAL:

Eating: I’m really picky about condiments I guess. Like I think they put too much sauce on almost everything that has sauce on it. I also I hate the texture of mushrooms

Drinking: I used to be really into New Amsterdam Red Berry vodka, but the smell and taste have started to make me sick. Lately I’ve been drinking cheap white rum instead.

I’m about to: Probably watch another movie and/or try to find a relaxing game

Waiting for: A good job, a workable living situation. Possible therapy? Hopefully medication

Want: To not live alone or with my family

Get married: Idk I don’t necessarily believe in romance but I like the idea of having a life partner and tax breaks. So I guess I’d like to get married but I don’t necessarily see it in my future

Career: death

Lips or eyes: idk not to be That Person but I’m usually just attracted to people who are nice lol

Shorter or taller: my height or close too. Significant height differences would cause inconveniences

Older or younger: Older with lots of money to share with me

Nice arms or nice stomach: again for me it’s mostly about personality. Although I do enjoy Muscle Girls and usually their arms are more visible

Sensitive or loud: I don’t think that these are mutually exclusive. But loudness does make me nervous

Hook up or relationship: I guess relationship but either would be nice

Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant I guess?

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: Not a stranger, but people I barely knew

Drank hard liquor: yes lots

Lost glasses/ contacts: Yes!! The reason I stopped wearing my glasses was because I lost my favorite pair. I think I lost them in ecology class one day so they’re probably in a literal ditch on the side of the road somewhere

Turned someone down: Only once directly in the fifth grade, but I’ve also ghosted a few people

Sex on the first date: no

Broken someone’s heart: nope

Had your heart broken: no

Been arrested: nah

Cried when someone died: Yeah my literal grandpa and then my space grandpa (Leonard Nimoy). Probably other celebs too. I’m an emotional bitch

Fallen for a friend: -ish? I used to convince myself I had feelings for my friends. I was deep in denial but even at the time I knew it was bullshit

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself: Depends on what it’s in relation to. I know I’m smart but I’m also very lazy so I’m useless at go-getter-type activities

Miracles: Very unlikely coincidences are bound to happen sometimes

Love at first sight: Bruh I don’t really even believe in regular love

Santa: Welp I’m an adult so no

Kiss on the first date: If I ever go on a date we’d better bone down immediately

Angels: I’m a pretty strict skeptic, so no

OTHER:

Current best friends names: All of my friends are the best! I don’t want to have to pick lol

Eye colour: brown

Fave movie: Uhhh maybe But I’m a Cheerleader or Hard Candy or something. That’s another hard one to narrow down though

And yeah that was fun! It’s been a while since I got tagged in anything interactive lol. I’m going to tag @marlar and @smolsweetpotato, and @inthemirrordorkly. Plus anyone else who wants to participate :)

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