#I need to learn to do better expressions
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returning to my roots
a lil' cute and wholesome ribbun drawing...
...or is it?
#hgggh the ribbun brainworm is at it again#ik the inside of her mouth isn't pink it looks nicer here okay:(#i miss drawing them chat#love using these calligraphy brush pens actually#4chan icon lol#im in an angsty mood today#huehuehue#not me complaining abt not liking angst while drawing it😞#I need to learn to do better expressions#cause i've been using the same shocked one for jax since the beginning#ok rambling stops here#ribbun#tadc gangle#tadc fanart#tadc jax#the amazing digital circus#traditional art
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Trying to figure out how to make squid boy emote because every time I've drawn him so far he looks very stern and it just didn't sit right with me. Also the more I played the more I noticed how his expressions change.
Anyway this is what I got so far. I plan to do more because hoo boy is it tricky to pull certain emotions out of him.
#BG3#Baldur's Gate 3#The Emperor#Ilithid#Squidposting#Digital art#artists on tumblr#I need a better art tag#I was gonna place these on the post next to each other but I disliked how much they shrunk when I do that#so long post it is#sorry about your dash#I know some of these are borderline OOC but I am drawing them to LEARN#Don't come for me#No glaze today we die like men#You can tell I was more confident with the first ones because my lines are darker and more confident#whereas the last 2 I wasn't pressing as hard because I was uncertain how to do these expressions
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after two years i finally draw the favorite
#my art#still learning honestly. idk how to explain it but some medias youre so fixated on and obsessed with u instantly want to draw everyone#for me dunmeshi has always been the opposite. series and characters i enjoy sm i cannot bring myself to pick up a pencil#for some reason. it got a lot worse once the anime started airing idk. simply forcing myself to get some of my energy out. in a way#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#thistle#dunmeshi thistle#thistle dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#>_< series i was into since late 2021. yet u wouldnt know that unless u follow my side twitter account. sowwy ig#i do this with a lot of franchises honestly. cannot bring myself to draw even if i think abt the characters constantly. ie skip to loafer#u will nvr catch me calling this guy sissel sorry. save that name for Mr. Ghost Trick. another thing i. also. dnt talk abt. which i adore#i need to get better at talking abt and expressing myself for the things that i enjoy. ive been wanting to draw laios for a good#while too but im scared. for some reason. u-u should nvr let a white man do that to me honestly.#for now i'll thistle tho. maybe we will get kabru namari or mithrun next from me >_< i have to talk myself into it#i think the closest way i can explain why i cannot bring myself to draw for some series is that i dnt want to mess up somehow#like 'ilu so much [character] what if i cnt draw u the way u deserve even tho i love u sm what if its not enough.' <- leaves it to sm1 else#tbh [scratches head] i prefer the version with less coloring ^-^ but i realize the one thats more colored would get more eyes on it... hm
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I try to not be hater, but then I see the stupid takes and get madddddd
This is just what I feel every single time I see those shitty opinions
youtube
#WELL ACTUALLY YOU'RE WRONG BC IF OCHAKO SAID SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH DEKU WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THAT WHICH MEANS SHE'LL CONFESS TO HIM#THIS IS FORESHADOWING FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP U R JUST GASLIGHTING YOURSELF BC HER ARC WAS PARTIALLY ABOUT LEARNING TO LET HERSELF LOVE HIM#tf you mean ppl are still making this fight about deku???#“she said she fell in love with him we win!” tf? it wasn't a reveal#much like the story with her parents we already knew that- this was about opening up to himiko so she could understand her better#and the way it was portrayed confirms this; we pointed out in the manga ochako's face being covered by her hair bc it means we shouldn't fo#focus on that rather than her next statement -she's there as herself not as a hero#this is her being selfish and open in order to reach out to himiko's sadness#and yet ppl are trying so hard to focus on the thing we weren't meant to focus on#and even taking away the deku memory they still made it about him#“ochako is jealous oh toga expressing her love which means she wants to confess to izuku too!!”#SHE LITERALLY SAID SHE ENVIES HOW HONEST SHE IS WITH HER FEELINGS AND SHOULDNT HIDE HER LOVE NOR FACE LIKE HER PARENTS TOLD HER#SHE SAYS SHE WANTED TO AT LEAST TELL HIMIKO HOW LOVELY HER SMILE IS#TO THE POINT OF WANTING TO BE LIKE HER IN THIS WAY#THIS ISNT HER BEING JEALOUS OF HER TELLING DEKU SHIT OR YEARNING TO CONFESS#THE EPILOGUE CONFIRMS THE FEELINGS SHE WAS HIDING WERE ABOUT GRIEF AND FAILURE AS A HERO#YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A TOGACHAKO IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND THIS#CANT WE FUCKING ENJOY F/F CANON CONTENT FOR ONCE WITHOUT SOMEONE SAYING#GRRRRGRGRGRGRGGRGRGRGR#WE FINISHED HER ARC AND IT WAS ABOUT HER LETTING HERSELF GET HELP WITHOUT FEELING LIKE SHE MUST BE LESS OF A HERO#ABOUT HER GRIEVING AND WANTING TO DO MORE TO HELP SOMEONE ABOUT HER NOT WANTING TO HURT OTHERS WITH HER FEELINGS#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND HEROISM IS THE LEAST ROMANTIC THING FOR A FUCKING HERO NERD#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND???? SHE DOESNT ACCEPT ANY OF HER FEELINGS LIKE HIMIKO DID#AND WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT THE BOYS THEY LIKED ITS NOT ABOUT THEM ITS ABOUT THE GIRLS FINDING SUPPORT IN EACH OTHER#PICTURE ONE OF THOSE FEMALE RAGE COMPILATION VIDEOS#I think they can easily get terfy and im not even a woman but the screaming is the vibe of this post#grrr being a hater#Youtube
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today is such a stark contrast to yesterday in how much i fucking hate today (vent/rant in tags bc i forgor to do it on my vent one)
#[🔮] rambles ~#lmfao you speak up in this household? WRONG. MISTAKE. HOW DARE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.#expressing your thoughts? fucking blasphemy#“oh you do know you can tell me anything anytime right? ” what a joke#gods#fuck this shit#you know what i need to learn properly? keeping my mouth fucking shut. keeping my thoughts to myself.#why do i even bother#I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING#just you know spoke the truth which is apparently forbidden or smth#its not my fault shes a hypocrite????? cant accept the truth thats her fucking problem#honestly i genuinely cant think of an adult around me who isnt a hypocrite but im sure there hopefully is#and then she comes again all sweet sickly smiles expecting me to shower her with love the next moment after being fucking scolded like hell#for saying ome single fucking line of my thoughts that she so encourages me to “express”#as if everything is my fucking fault#atp i hate myself as much too bc why do i let myself get affected i should have grown used to this shit years ago#i should know better than to let her get to me yet look at me being a sentimental lil bitch#god i just wanna get out of here please#anyways shit this didnt go to my vent blog fuck im sorry yall had to read that guys please feel free to ignore lmao#but yk i had to get my feelings out somewhere bc wwll i bottle up enough already lol#tw vent
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what you’ve got to understand about working conditions in education (and also other care-oriented careers) is that if they’re shit, two things are true at once:
that does not ever excuse being cruel to a kid, no matter what
until those conditions are fixed, education will continue to suck absolute shit
this is because when working conditions for teachers are really bad, many of the good teachers who recognize when they are reaching a point where they can no longer be the sort of teacher the kids deserve due to burnout WILL quit. they will do the responsible thing and go away for their own sake and the sake of the kids. and you end up stuck w a combination of new teachers who are trying their best but won’t last long, burnt out teachers who are trying their best but have nothing left to give and therefore aren’t very effective at actually teaching, and cockroach shitheads who take out their misery on the kids.
we have all had terrible experiences with bad teachers, many of them flat out traumatic, but for fuck’s sake please try to look at the systemic underpinnings of the problem for one minute. spitefully declaring that teachers don’t deserve good working conditions or even the right to complain about bad working conditions because ms. whoever in 5th grade was a bitch is only going to create more of her. if you want good teachers then we need an education system they can survive in
#i get so irritated w the post where like.#95% of it is a good post and then at the end op is like WAAAHHH teachers are complaining about burnout on my post about a bad teacher#like yeah no shit. if the field of education wasnt so hostile to everyone who works in it maybe they could have found a better teacher to#replace that motherfucker with. and then she would not be there to bother the kids any more.#as someone who Has had traumatic experiences w bad teachers.#its scary enough walking into a field i know is pretty much built to chew new teachers up and spit us out#hoping to be able to survive it long enough to do some good and be the kind of teacher i needed as a kid#without people acting as though it is some sort of crime for teachers to want. like. basic human dignity at work and enough money to survive#even people who are nominally pro-workers rights#you guys have no fucking idea how bad the situation is in schools right now#the reason bad teachers didnt get fired perhaps USED to be tenure#but nowadays its the fact that its rare for a school to be fully staffed *at all* bc so many teachers quit or died#so they'll hire and keep absolutely fucking anyone simply because the alternative is No Teacher. and an empty classroom#full of kids who wont learn anything except that the system doesnt even care about them enough to put a teacher in the room.#i have gotten job offers ON SIGHT from principals who know nothing about me and im literally not even legally qualified to teach yet#like before even telling them my name lmao#and im sure everyone else in town who expresses any interest in teaching whatsoever gets the same.
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I know it happens often to see writers during a long fic to complain at some point about the first chapters because they got better in the meantime and they look bad to them now.
But this is the first time where I saw this happened when the writing actually got worse
#Like this fic is enraging me#Because it started okay#Simple writing that generally worked despite some awkward moments from time#And evolved into this word vomit where everything is just stated (litterally zero show and all tell) multiple times!#Like it builds zero emotions it just tells me#Conversations made less and les sense going on#I saw zero bonding between the main characters despite being together basically in every scene#It drives me insane#This person believes they got better just because they write longer chapter and longer paragraph#But they tell me litterally nothing#Or so little in proportion to the amount of words#This isn't to bashing on the writer of course#Which is why I am consciously saying nothing about the actual content of the story here#But Jesus christ#Not only i feel like the whole plot that I had interest in was ruined#But also all the potential of the writer themselves#I saw at first someone who just needed to learn some more but was doing generally fine#And instead of improvement i am seeing them getting worse and worse#If they truly believe this is better then they're beyond salvation#I am so sad for all that wasted potential#Rant#Sort of#Ignore me i just needed to express these thoughts and feelings somewhere#I don't want to upset anyone#Maybe I should just delete this post
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Also in the replies of the Steph concept art on twitter announcing she was gonna be in a new project at DC (posted by Travis Mercer), there were at least 3 comments saying "will Tim be there?" I don't care how hard you ship timsteph I'm exploding you with my eyeballs if you do that on my girls post again
#ramblings of a lunatic#taking a step back to acknowledge that my stanning may be getting overzealous#but then again I'm not in ppls quotes or replies I'm vagueing on an entirely different website with no relevant tags. it could be worse#anyway I know tims had it rough these past couple of months ever since zdarsky shifted focus of the batman title to have less tim#but it still feels. idk. just a wee bit uninspired to act like steph can't go two steps without tim being behind her#im ngl i like timsteph when they're cute but timsteph twitter has been. pissing me off a tad lately#the refusal to acknowledge the sexism in dixons robin run and how it impacts stephs writing and their relationships writing#the refusal to acknowledge tims occasional condescension and hypocrisy when it comes to stephs vigilantism#seemingly only wanting her to be spoiler when he wants her around and telling her to give it up most of the time#also the constant disrespect of stephs batgirl era on there weirdly enough?#I've harped on about this on main and in drafts but despite it's flaws it's a good turn for stephs character#she's the focus she gets development (an upward trajectory! which had previously been unheard of for her! bc she did have flaws as spoiler-#-its just that both writers and characters alike seemed to arbitrarily decide she didn't have the capacity to grow past them! but she did!)#hell i saw a BIZARRE take today i just have to bitch about#which was them saying that Batgirl was a ''heteronormative mask'' steph put on#with spoiler being her more authentic self (and this being paralleled to gender expression with stephs isolation from the batfam as spoiler-#-showing how she ''wasnt like them'')#which. I'm not denying you the view that spoiler has a certain genderific swag to her but the needless dragging of her batgirl persona#steph got treated badly as spoiler bc she was A Girl. it's genuinely that simple dixon felt batman and robin would never stand for a girl-#-running around doing the things they did and would need to chivalrously stop her. he's gone on record saying this#she's constantly getting belittled by mostly men (cass also dismisses her but it feels distinctly less gendered)#and in the end it's barbara who learns to give steph a second chance despite her mistakes and they have a positive relationship#something ppl are quick to dismiss as being in and of itself sexist bc they're pairing the two girls off together#as if batgirl isn't a legacy and as if babs and steph don't have parallels in their resilience and refusal to accept when ppl tell them no#for better and for worse!!#like. idk how you took the strongest feminist element in that comic (bc there are elements of sexism here and there! 2009 n all)#and somehow turn it into ''heteronormativity'' YOU PPL ARE JUST SAYING WORDS AT THIS POINT!!!#anyway. someone take away my internet access
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please pick friends u can argue or have misunderstandings with and actually communicate with immediately after like, it’s so fucking important
#like if anything I’ve learned the last couple years is fucking communicate#like actually#my family isn't really big on it and that's probably part of the reason I started writing so young#tried to break that with my niece and was mostly successful we fight but can actually discuss and work things out and talk#I always have encouraged her to express her damn feelings because my stereotypical scorpio sister is in there too so I had to drag it out#and I can be the same it’s hard for me but I try harder now than before#I’m always honest with myself but expression is hard I get it#like we fought the other day and when she came home l expected her to just go in her room#and she just stood there and looked at me like well??? like that one meme haha#and we talked instead#gotta break those generational curses man#but yeah holding people accountable and calling them out is needed sometimes and also apologizing and talking it the fuck out#even if it sucks….do it#set boundaries and u allow what u allow#I’m at the point of my life I just won’t tolerate certain things and that’s valid but also without communication#you’re not moving either way with clarity and clarity is everything#it’s ok to move on from any kind of relationship but were u honest first? was there clarity#and if nothing changes or you can’t find peace you can move on and compartmentalize that loss better because u tried first#I get some reasons don’t warrant any of that but overall#but yeah I do word things like a straight up bitch sometimes and yes u should tell me hahah#can piss eachother off and misunderstand eachother#but there’s paragraphs coming and that’s the important bit#I’m still learning but better than I was
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#I’m just done with trying to deal with people.#like what is the actual point of trying to learn how to communicate better#when every time I try to express that something is Wrong#it gets turned around on me and I spend the next however long groveling and apologizing#life lesson learned: I am somehow uniquely selfish and anything I do to try to express myself hurts people#and no matter what anyone else has done they’re guaranteed to have something I did worse on hand#or will have some way to turn it around so I need to make them feel better#I’m just done.#like what is the actual point of socializing and communicating and any of that shit.#if I am only ever allowed to express positive emotions#and I know like three people are gonna see this and immediately accuse me of not communicating that I’m upset with them#like what do you want me to do.#what would be the point of saying anything.#does it make other people feel better to argue?#idk maybe it works if you’re always the person who is ‘right’#but it sucks ass if you’re always the person that is ‘wrong’#(argument/discussion of emotions/whatever the fuck you want to call it)#I’m done. I’m just too tired for this shit.#I grew up with this shit coming from my mother I know it’s pointless to even try#I hoped it wouldn’t happen with my friends but fuck me I guess
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𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗵𝗶𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗲𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗻���𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱. This, beyond being a testament to his softer heart, his rather sizable well of care, is a consequence of his time shared with Mystra. Being a worshipper, a follower and lover both to the mother of magic, Gale is far more familiar with giving than receiving. A tremendous deal more. Beyond those illusions of love, Mystra granted him nothing, and whenever she was troubled, even sour or short, it was Gale, doting Gale, who would smooth it out. In truth, short of the stars, he had offered her everything. His whole life to boot. Still, living for some years prioritizing Mystra, Gale's grown notably reluctant to ask for help. It's why, when strapped with the netherese orb, newly blighted and rotting to death, he'd sooner clamored in his tower than look to friends. He's loathed to show his folly, of course, and is far from a fan of stirring worry, but with Mystra, any ask he'd made was resolutely shunned, and from his lover, his deity, that left its mark. Gale--a giver, a man that wants to hope but doesn't dare to--is not a man to ask for anything. If ever he does, the ask is comically small, and even then, he expects to be denied almost immediately. Consequently, an eager kindness leaves him floored. Gale can read displeasure. (See: Mystra.) Gale's trained to soothe it, too. Yet, when confronted with the novelty of that same generosity, your resident Gale of Waterdeep is like a fish out of water.
#HEADCANON.#This hit home because I know too intimately what Gale went through.#God. It sucks. Gale is so attuned to Mystra and her periods of distance and#her cold demeanor.#He just learned to go right into tell me what I can do to make it better mode.#I think Gale isn't really the best at reading or catching social cues#but he's very aware when someone is upset.#He had to learn because god forbid he failed to recognize something and receive less warmth from Mystra#(she isn't exactly warm to begin with.)#she was just largely neglectful of Gale and Gale was convinced it was love#he showed so much of it and so much warmth and...kinda felt being chosen by her#was enough of an expression of love on Mystra's part (it isn't!).#Gale also only asking for help from YOU because he knows you deserve to know#because hiding it would be a danger to others around him.#Like Gale truly asked for no ones hand before the nautiloid incident. he had to be quite literally#torn from his life and freefall into another disaster before even asking for help#a small ask too. This man is like hey can I have your UTTERLY useless necklace so I don't die? i'm so sorry i'm such an inconvenience#fuck. Gale. Gale...baby....#Literally you go 'children shouldn't die' (arabella) and he's all you're such a decent person...i trust you#???? honestly. need i say more.#anyway idk if ill write much today beyond this. im DROWNING in work and i have to prep for an event tomorrow#so you can just frown with me about gale#Me writing about Mystra: wow theyre a lot like my abuser. 🥲🥲🥲🥲hauew..a..
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Honestly realising it is completely fine to not want a romantic relationship not only because I just don’t want to but also because I don’t want the commitment and want to freely make decisions for my life just how I want to live it felt really nice :)
#cause like I feel like I’ve been blamed for wanting to make decisions without a partner in my mind#because I want to be able to do on trips or study elsewhere without having to factor in another person#*go#but honestly as long as I’m open about that and don’t get into a relationship and then ignore all the needs this person has#than it’s completely fine and valid and nothing is wrong with that#this still doesn’t feel fully right but having another friend think the same and me not believing they are in the wrong for that helps#just let me live#starrytalking#aromantic#asexual#aroace#queer#relationship#commitment#freedom#life#also not wanting to be committed to a romantic partner doesn’t mean not being able to connect with people#or not being able to be close and in a way committed in friendships#I love my friends a lot! but they also don’t demand me to be on a phone call with them every single fucking day of a vacation#or express that they wouldn’t be okay with me wanting to go on a vacation or internship far away for more than a few weeks because they#would just forget about me in a way?#like yes this is very directed at one person and I think I both misunderstood their point there and also they r valid in there needs and I#just didn’t realise I don’t actually want a relationship (with neither of us being good at communicating our needs and wants yay)#but this still sucked#and ofc my friends express that they’ll be sad about not seeing me for a while#but also I don’t feel like they want to lock me in a cage and control me every move because they express sadness without stopping me from#going. which the person I’m angry at also probably didn’t actually want but well their emotions sometimes got the better of them#and having needs in a relationship is obv valid but they have to be communicated and shouldn’t be controlling and I should’ve reflected on#what I want so just a lot went wrong but I’m learning a lot atm :)
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I don’t know if I just haven’t found the right poetry yet, if I’m engaging with it wrong, or if poetry just isn’t for me, but man I wish I understood and connected with poetry on the level the rest of y’all seem to it looks nice
#poetry#everyone talks about it so highly#and so many people express themselves through it#and I don’t know if it’s a me thing with a very niche type I haven’t found yet#or if I just need to learn how to read it better#but like. it’s just good at best for me#I see what they’re doing I can analyze themes and such#but it just. doesn’t hit!!#but maybe I’m reading poetry that isn’t right for me#I connected with one stanza of one poem once#and it was in the borderlands#since there was a quote I really connected with#but that’s all there’s ever been#we’re reading poetry in class and people are going on about it#rightfully so! I can tell this is a talented and celebrated and leading poet#but I just. I’m not there#I’m not being consumed#like so many others seem to be#it just doesn’t click#and I wish it did
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i just finished q’s vod from yesterday and honestly? i feel vindicated in my belief that q’s attraction to wilbur is based more around his romanticisation of relationships (and his grief for tilín, silent but ever present) than love
#again don’t get me wrong i think he’s attracted to wilbur but babygirl ia not in love with him#honestly this stream more than anything is making me read him as arospec#his little speech/breakdown where he cries and asks why he doesn’t feel anything#his comment about how maybe he needs to relearn what love means like sophia#comparing himself to a character who has expressed her inability to experience human emotions in the way that humans do#but who wants to learn anyway#i think people reading it as sadness solely about wilbur not actually being there are missing how much of his sadness is due to internal#feelings#he’s upset because he feels broken. because he feels like getting married should have fixed him#because he idealised the idea of marriage as soemthing that would make things better#ans when it didn’t and he felt as numb as ever he started crying#and he went and tried to seek out someone who would be able to understand him. someone who has expressed similar experiences: sophia#idk i just dont think qwilbur as a person actually plays a massive role in q’s emotions#it’s about his projections and his idealised notions crumbling around him#and leaving him alone again#maybe i’m projecting but i also find this dynamic more interesting than just q is sad because wilbur wasn’t actually there#quackity#qsmp
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Trying to take making digital art more seriously, but so far all I’ve accomplished is “draw Yamcha a bunch of times” lmao
[Image ID: Eight digital drawings of Yamcha from Dragon Ball with different facial expressions.]
#yamcha#dragon ball#my art#fanart#this started off as me trying to do this practice exercise#where you just re-draw the expressions that a character in a cartoon makes#and this is supposed to make you better at drawing faces and drawing expressions#but i also really need to practice like... literally everything with digital art#so i ended up doing the lineart and flat colors for all of them too#i think i figured out some stuff with line weight while doing this#and i experimented a little with how i drew different features#so i guess i'm learning something!
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i don't want to sing :(
#3615 my life#i'm tired and it's scary and my brain goes into overdrive#and i hate having to work for something when the work makes me feel bad#and it's so hard taking the first steps to train at home#because my brain is so great at protecting me from things i fear#that i don't learn how to not fear it#i'm a baby and i need 1000% positive reinforcement when learning something#and sadly while my teacher is great#she can't hold my hand all the days i should practice singin at home in a week#oh so this was a big cry that needed to be expressed in some ways to really come out uh#full on bawling guys !#i'm ideally supposed to take a class around every three weeks#but it's been nearly two months and a half because i didn't work at home#and it doesn't make sense to take a class if i haven't worked - it's also not very respectful for the teacher#anyway. i'm sending her a text and i'll talk about it to her when we see each other#to see what i can do to begin and go over the hurdle of the first steps#it's a bit something a therapist would be better equipped for BUT my teacher also lived not liking her voice and stuff so She Knows Things#thank you for listening if you've read even just a bit of this !
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