#is it from my gaming group? current life circumstances? future horrors? all of the above tbh

[silverandebony]

haaa

[loyalflutist]

How Lovely Would it be For This Moment to Last Forever (F!Byleth x Edelgard)

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Archive Warning: Major Character Death Category: F/F Relationship: F!Byleth x Edelgard Summary:  "How lovely would it be for this moment to last forever?" Edelgard has said this phrase twice in her life. Both times they were to her professor, Byleth. What significance could this saying have on their life?

A/N: Got too excited about the game and how you could date Edelgard as the female Byleth, so I ended up writing this yesterday. Some things may be inaccurate since I haven’t played the game obviously and it hasn’t dropped yet. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do writing it!

--

After the last class was over, many students from all three houses scrambled out of the room. The Black Eagles were not immune to its effect either. Their chatters, their laughter, and their stature brightened. They can finally leave! Then again, not only was it a Friday, but today’s lessons felt as if it dragged on forever.

A lengthy lecture on advanced tactical commands and the importance of teamwork were more than enough to drone anyone to sleep despite Byleth’s best effort. It was a dry topic. Extremely dry. Even Byleth herself wouldn’t want to teach it to her students! She had paused several times during the lesson to stifle a yawn! Alas, she and the other professors had built the core curriculum. She could not avoid her responsibilities.

At least the hard part is over. Now all that was left is to tidy up the shared classroom, gather the worksheets that she ordered the students to leave on the teacher’s desk, and trudge back to her office. From there, Byleth would be able to grade some of their assignments and prepare herself for an eventual staff meeting on tomorrow’s practical exercise on the field with the other professors. That doesn’t even include any students hanging behind that might need elaboration on any concept they have or haven’t learned… or any professors and staffs that need assistance. Not to mention Byleth needs to find a gift for Edelgard since it is her birthday today…

A bead of sweat ran down the side of her face as her shoulders slumped. There was so much to do. Last time she checked, being a mercenary was supposed to be harder than a professor! She was so used to being part of a group and following her father’s orders. Now she has a bunch of children and young adults to guide and pass her knowledge. Had it not been a special power that she possessed, Byleth wouldn’t have had her application as a potential instructor rejected. She would outright be banned from nearing the institution!

Byleth snagged one of the two erasers and proceeded to remove the chalky text on the blackboard. If there was anything that she got out of this experience, it was the fact that she was able to meet with new people.

“How lovely would it be for this moment to last forever.”

The eraser pressing against the blackboard paused mid-sentence. Byleth glanced over her shoulders. Edelgard had a textbook and notebook in one hand, and another hand resting on her hip. One of the three well-known nobles in the academy, she naturally exerts a sense of royalty far above Byleth. Though dignified and talented, it was rare for the noble to drop ambiguous remarks. The older female returned her attention to tidying as she questioned,

“Is there something troubling you, Edelgard?”

Edelgard’s eyes lowered, her breath caught in her throat. There was a pregnant pause. Eventually, she faintly smiled and approached the blue-haired.

“Just thinking about the future, professor.” The student rested her supplies on the desk’s surface. Using both palms of her hands, she somewhat sat on the edge of the wooden furniture as she observed her instructor. “We live in a time of peace. Dimitri, Claude, and I are training to become future leaders for our nation, but we are still young and inexperienced.”

“Inexperienced? Don’t downgrade your skills,” Byleth chuckled. “You’re anything but inexperienced, especially in live combat.”

The white-haired couldn’t resist a grin and brushed stray locks of white hair over her shoulder, her body temperature increased.

“I retract my earlier statement then.”

“Good.”

Although Byleth did not push the conversation further, she was curious about the earlier lamentation from Edelgard. Unlike a certain professor who did not know basic common courtesies in socialization with students, she held her tongue and waited for another response. It paid off as Edelgard’s grin faltered. The young lady redirected her gaze at the older female. She opened her mouth, but nothing delivered. She clamped her jaw shut. Her eyes wandered. Then, Edelgard tried again once her eyes found themselves landing on Byleth again.

“Byleth.” Byleth slowed her motion. It was uncommon for any students to call their professor by their first name. Most students who dared to informally call their professors by their names were playful in nature. For Edelgard, she had only done so when all jokes are off the table. “How long do you think this moment will last?”

“That’s hard to say.”

A single moment can’t last forever for sure unless one had the ability to freeze time. It’s a rather morbid question to ask. No matter the circumstances, there is always a sorrowful answer that accompanies such curiosity. Even Byleth finds it disheartening. A faint hum escaped from the ex-mercenary’s throat. That seems to have perked Edelgard’s ears.

“Edelgard,” Byleth lowered the eraser. She turned around to properly face the noble. As her student pushed herself away from the furniture, the instructor walked up to the shorter female and extended a hand outward. “Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?”

Special treatments were given to certain students. Dorothea and Ferdinand were ones she invites to private tea parties for casual socialization. She too invited Edelgard multiple times for tea. But for dinner? Could it be fashioned the same way as lunch at the cafeteria? The young noble gave a slight tilt of her head.

“Are you joining us for tonight then?”

Byleth shook her head.

“I would like to invite you to have a private dinner with me at my office.”

Private dinner? Now THAT is something Edelgard hasn’t seen before. Wait, could this be something that she’s always fantasized? Her stomach fluttered at the idea. Is this…

“…a date?”

Oh GOD, she had just blurted it out. The short female’s knees felt weak at the horror. The reaction? Her instructor had blinked. The noble could not help but catch the outreached hand stiffen. Edelgard had forced every fiber of her being to keep her facial muscles from showing signs of disappointment.

Perhaps her teacher had thought differently. Maybe she should have dismissed the reply and deny it anything more than a jest. Though they had spent plenty of time together, it would be a blunt lie to say that the young adult is not starting to develop an innocent crush towards Byleth. She tried to shoo it away and think of it as nothing more than a nuisance. It only serves as a nuisance the more she resisted instead.

Every single time a male student tried to flirt with Byleth, it evoked irritation in the normally stoic female. Every single time she found herself complimented by Byleth, her body would become still, pupils dilated, and cheeks flushed. Every single time Byleth would enter the room, her conversation with her classmates would trail off and she would lose complete interest in their interactions. Every single time Byleth asked a personal question, Edelgard’s voice unintentionally cracked if taken off guard. Every single time she was alone with Byleth, she would ask subtle questions about her mentor.

When did she start to develop this complicated emotional attachment towards her professor? It couldn’t have been the first time they’ve met. Byleth may have saved Edelgard’s life from a bandit slicing her apart with an axe, but Byleth, to gently put it, was extremely inexperienced when it came to teaching methods. Edelgard and many of her comrades were unimpressed with their new teacher’s instructions—or rather, lack of one. The first month was a complete nightmare. Had it not been for Byleth’s position as a professor, Edelgard would have used her noble status to boot Byleth back to her old mercenary life!

But over time, Edelgard saw how hard of a worker Byleth truly is. She was the only professor to work overtime for her students. She was the only professor that lent a hand with students from other houses. She was the only professor to take excruciating time to plan and make sure every single student comes out alive from the battlefield. Byleth was the only one who took time out of her life to get to truly know her students, especially Edelgard.

She could never forget the time when she wrongfully blamed Byleth for the emotional anguish she received from the empire. It was one of the weakest moments she had ever shown to the public. The young lady stormed out during a private examination. She never came back to complete it. Byleth had every right to snap back at Edelgard. She had every right to punish Edelgard for her misdemeanor. She had every right to expel Edelgard. Instead, Byleth spent the entire WEEK alleviating the noble of her pain. The examination was rescheduled. They also went fishing, shopping, and had a tea party together. Sure, Byleth neglected the other students, but the instructor’s eyes were only on Edelgard.

“I’m always here for you, Edelgard.”

Byleth is the definition of perfection. Thus, that led to the current inner calamity of falling for her professor. It didn’t help that same-sex relationships were uncommon these days. Should word travel that Edelgard likes women, her empire would turn their backs against her in less than a second! That’s an even more depressing thought! Right now, this is simply a hopeless, one-sided feeling Edelgard suffers silently from.

In spite of the noble's angst, Byleth isn’t that oblivious to her students. Having spent time with them for months, she knows them all too well. Thankfully, her reaction was genuine, though more from shock than from disgust. The green-haired decided to reach out and grab Edelgard’s somewhat-moist hand rather than wait around. This action startled the Adrestian Empire noble.

“B-Byleth?”

A small smirk from the older female. Soon, she leaned down to plant a kiss on the back of Edelgard’s held hand. A fitting scene between a noble and a commoner.

“If you would like to think of this as a date, I don’t mind. I’m sure we have plenty to talk about over dinner. Besides…” Byleth straightened her posture and squeezed Edelgard’s hand. The formal composure the teacher always wore washed away with her contrasting witty attitude. “You’re turning 18 today, am I right?”

“That’s… right…”

If there’s something Edelgard wants to do, it’s to calmly part from her professor for a minute, walk to the nearest cliff, and holler about how stupid she is. How could she have forgotten her birthday?! Her comrades and rivals showered her with small gifts and warm wishes, but they were all over by the early morning. A party had been held at midnight with the Black Eagles to commemorate another year in her life. The students enjoyed fine cake and desserts throughout the night. Once classes were in session the next morning, she automatically had turned off all thoughts about luxury and leisure associated with her personalized holiday. What she had forgotten was whether Byleth had celebrated the special occasion with her or not.

Her face burned up from Byleth remembering the occasion. Though in all honesty, this would buy her some time to plan and give the gift to Edelgard. No shame in delaying the delivery, right? On the other hand, this would also provide additional insight into Edelgard’s feelings towards her. Though Byleth never went out of her way to formulate any romantic feelings towards her colleagues and students, she never really thought too hard about what the students would think of her. Whether Edelgard’s feelings towards her was nothing more than a young adult’s lust or desire to become a significant pair is up for speculations. She had just turned 18, after all. The dinner tonight should clear up any misconceptions they may hold.

“The day is long, Edelgard,” Byleth finally released her hold on the noble. A weary twinkle shone as she circled her index finger in the air. “School may be over, but I still have much to do. Let’s meet at my office tonight, okay?”

Edelgard began to play with her hair as Byleth gathered her belongings, the temperature beneath her cheeks having spiked.

“Okay.”

The plan had been set. Now the two can only wait for tonight—and prayers be sent to Byleth as a glance on the nearby wooden clock alarmed her of an upcoming staff meeting. Smoke trailed right behind her heels as she fumbled out of the classroom and into the hallway. Once the ex-mercenary left the area, Edelgard could not help but cover her mouth and whispered, “She’s so cute” under her breath.

A date. She was actually invited on a date with Byleth! It might just be an excuse to celebrate her birthday, but it’s still a date, right? A private one-on-one dinner with her teacher! What should she wear for the occasion? Her school’s uniform outfit? Or maybe something a bit fancier? There is that red dress she’s always hidden in her closet for an exceptional event. What else should she prepare? Wait—it’s her birthday, so is there really anything for her to prepare? Maybe her usual “thank you” speech she gives to those that wished her well for the new year? No… it has to be special. But she doesn’t have to say or do anything, right? Just show up to Byleth’s office and enjoy each other’s company—Though why the heck did Byleth choose her office?

So many questions swimming around in her head and Edelgard feels as though her skull might crack! From the distant, a small number of her classmates all peered from the hallway and into the classroom. The sight of their upcoming lord clutching her head as though she were frustrated is a sight to behold!

“So, she’s definitely got the hots for the teach, huh,” Ferdinand smirked. “Looks like I got a little competition going on with the professor…”

“Ferdinand! Is that all you got in that thick skull of yours?” Dorothea harshly whispered back. “Just because you’re her rival doesn’t mean you should butt into their budding relationship!”

“Lady Edelgard is… in love with another woman… let alone that of our professor…?” Hubert grasped ahold of his own head, his eyes wide and jaw slacked. “I… don’t know what to say…”

“Aren’t you supposed to be her undying loyal servant to her, Hubert?” Petra raised an eyebrow. “Besides, don’t you think you shouldn’t make it so obvious since it’ll hurt her reputation?”

They mumbled amongst themselves, but they made quick haste from the hallway as soon as Edelgard decided to leave the room. Of course, the upcoming lord’s mind is far too occupied with tonight’s reservation. She’s only got one shot at this and anything short of excellence is a failure to her.

“Let’s hope I make it in time tonight—Wait, the professor didn’t mention what time I should be meeting with her!”

Ugh, maybe she should just head over to the office once the sunsets. If there’s anything she would like to change in Byleth, it’s the fact that Byleth can be disorganized.

Spoiler alert: it was actually Byleth who was late to the untimed dinner date. Not only did she earn a scolding from her superior and father earlier that day in the staff meeting, but she also earned herself an earful from the well-kempt and dressed Edelgard.

-----------------

[ TIME SKIP ]

Ever since they’ve graduated, many things had happened and Byleth had not seen Edelgard since then. Although it was natural for a teacher to miss her student, it was another matter to miss your significant other. From the day they had a private dinner together during the last hours of Edelgard’s birthday, the once-young noble poured out her feelings for the others. It was less elegant and more like torrential rain. Regardless, Byleth had played along in hopes of helping Edelgard sort through her emotions. It might just be youth chewing at their lust and desire for others.

Time told them otherwise, especially for Byleth. Edelgard’s feelings had grown even stronger, and it even sparked something in the instructor. Not that their relationship was that unknown in the first place with the Black Eagles. Hubert did his best to shield the two from the public, but word travels fast in the house. Almost everyone knew about it! The two were in a fleeting, but also scandalous relationship. Pain have accompanied them and that is evident by the countless headbutts they’ve had against one another. It was almost a daily occurrence that they were so different from each other!

That did not mean it wasn’t also filled with passion and good memories sprinkled in between though. They were experts in battle and filled in the gaps for each other. Outside of the academy’s ground, they held hands and treated each other with great respect. Obviously, they were far more discrete on school ground to prevent unnecessary attention. A quick peck on the cheek and flirtatious phrases sweetly whispered into each other’s ears were exchanged. Then, on rare nights, they showered each other in love. Sometimes, they gently embraced each other. Other times, they ravaged like beasts in heat.

Did they regret it? Absolutely not. Byleth had always reminded Edelgard of her bravery in starting their relationship. If the student hadn’t done so, then they wouldn’t be like they are now. They would have never gotten together. Byleth might have been in a relationship, if any, with someone else other than Edelgard. Edelgard would have been left with a bitter feeling of unrequited crush—or unrequited love towards her professor.

But all good things must come to an end. Graduation came and Edelgard had to return to her empire. It was an already pre-determined decision in part with her nation. Their last interaction was at Byleth’s office. They had their last tea together and reminisce the previous years.

“I will return here someday, my teacher,” Edelgard intertwined her fingers with Byleth’s, her eyes longing for more time. “Promise me that you won’t forget me.”

Byleth leaned in to press her lips against Edelgard’s. The ex-mercenary’s eyes twinkled as she murmured, “I promise. I’ll be waiting for you.”

They eventually saw each other. At the age of 25, Edelgard met with her professor once again.

“How lovely would it be for this moment to last forever.”

Those were the same words Edelgard had spoken of back when she was a student. Now, she said them as a true lord.

She guides her people to victory and easily wage skirmishes without blinking an eye. The confident and proud female shines brighter than ever in the face of conflict. Yet she was not as noble as she originally envisioned. Her nation facing off against her old rivals, Dimitri and Claude, in a bloody war painted their once-pure, pristine goals and accomplishments for a better future into a complex mess. Each one of the three wanted nothing more than to uphold their ideologies. Unlike their young selves who would bicker and eventually fall into a compromise, none dare give up their aggressive persuasions. It’s either do or die. One ideology must dominant others.

Those earlier words were tainted with sorrow and irony towards her professor. Dimitri’s spear tip protruded through Byleth’s chest. Countless arrows from Claude’s precise aim riddled Byleth’s back. A fine axe marked with Edelgard’s crest dug itself into Byleth’s side. Their professor, who had once instructed them in the Officer’s Academy, stood between the three warriors. All three of their expressions twisted in pure horror at the sight of their signature weapons skewering, puncturing, and digging into the very person they’ve respected.

She had dropped her sword. Bloodstains sport her dark academic attire. Broken bones are to be expected from the damages she’s received. Her vision became spotty, blackness threatening to overshadow her consciousness. The pain was unbearable. Yet she stood before her three graduated students. Byleth did not fall. She even reached for the axe and tore it off of her own body! The entire battlefield was blanketed with silence, save it for the low rumbling of the distant thunders from the dark cloud overhead.

A shaky exhale. Crimson red trickled from both corners of her lips as she stumbled forward from her wounds. First, Byleth approached the lord from the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus. Dimitri, with his rugged attire and cruel exterior, reverted to his younger self in the presence of his teacher. His mouth dried as he began to gasp for air. The fearsome mentor that stood against all odds had done so once again. He couldn’t even take a step backward once Byleth closed their distance.

“Dimitri, you must remember to stand by your conviction.”

The now-shorter female out of the three extended her hand. Dimitri nearly slapped it away. It reminded him of the very hand that took his eye away. He managed to resist the temptation as the somewhat warm palm rested on his cheek. Byleth gave a weak smile.

“I always knew… you’ve been a good boy.”

Compliments. Ah—When was the last time he had heard of praises? When he brutally slaughtered his enemies in the name of his ideology? Or was it when he tortured war prisoners who refused to betray their nation? Maybe it was that one time he refused to die when he lost his eye?

Tears began to secrete from his exposed lacrimal gland. Dimitri tried to blink them away. More tears sprouted and were shed. He lowered his head, leaving Byleth’s hand hanging, and felt his chest heave. His knees gave way until his hands pressed against the earthly soil. A loud outcry came from him as he clawed at the grasses.

“Teach--! I—I’m so sorry!”

If she had the energy, Byleth would have bopped him on the head for being such a crybaby. Instead, she whispered, “I forgive you.”

Then, the instructor agonizingly shifted her focus onto the lord of the Leicester Alliance. Unlike Dimitri, Claude had taken a couple of steps backward. He shook his head like a terrified child. His leg muscles had tightened, ready to pounce out of the field. Claude didn’t want to do anything with his old mentor. He didn’t want to face Byleth. That didn’t stop Byleth from coming towards him, of course. She had to pause after the second step, the weight of the pinned weapons affecting her speed and balance. The shadows underneath her eyes darkened as she coughed up blood, its metallic substance dripped down onto the moist patch of grasses.

She raised her head and, surprisingly, cracked a forced grin. She may have not been at close proximity to physically touch Claude, but she left it at that. His constant shaking of the head, his lips pursed from holding back a scream or cry, and white-knuckled grip on his bow… The poor lord looked like he could have a mental breakdown if she got any closer.

“Claude, you must remember to be true to yourself.”

“…”

He wasn’t responding much. It was a typical reply from Claude whenever someone hit the mark. Byleth could not help but allow a soft chuckle.

“I’m sure Dimitri… and Edelgard would appreciate your hidden wisdom.”

“…Teach...”

All he could do was call by her title. Just like Dimitri, Byleth was someone dear to him. Even though she taught for the Black Eagles, she had always been by his side when it matters. She was the only one who saw through him. He squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head. By this time, droplets of rain began to fall upon the land. The soldiers in the background glanced up at the sky as another thunder rumbled. That didn’t stop Byleth from reaching out to the last of the trio.

“Edelgard…”

This one was the toughest for Byleth. She hardly got a step in before her knees gave in. Edelgard caught her teacher just in the nick of time with a single swoop of her arms. The now-taller female gently flipped her professor upright, laying in her grasp. If Byleth could make her usual witty remark right about now, she would tease about how princely the grown woman became. It was replaced with another cough. The blood continued to leak from her mouth as she struggled to speak.

“You must remember… to allow change to happen.”

A pause. Afterward, she croaked.

“Edel… You’ve grown so much.”

Byleth fought to raise her bruised hand up. The light behind her lens dimmed with a morbid comment.

“Where did you go, Edel?”

Edelgard immediately took ahold of the weak hand and pressed it against her own face. She stifled her cries, the floodgates unable to hold back the tears rolling down her cheeks. The lord nestled on the growing cold part of her professor.

“I’m right here, Byleth.”

Her instructor blinked. She lost the ability to search for her alumni. The darkness shrouded her vision, the gods granting her the ability to partially hear and feel in her final moment. Then, the corner of her lips pulled upward.

“You came back.”

Edelgard bit the bottom of her lip. She knew what her teacher would say next. If anything, the best thing she can do is simply mourn. The young woman buried her face into Byleth’s uninjured shoulder and sobbed. As seconds ticked by, the other two lords knew that her time was expiring. Their tears shared the same reason as their old rival’s. Dimitri tore a chunk of grass from the soil as another strangled outcry came from his direction. Claude smacked his knuckles against his own forehead, concealing one eye as he whimpered. Byleth blinked one last time and exhaled.

“I… have always loved you. Please… don’t fight anymore, Edel.”

Whether her students followed through with her advice is up for debate. However, Byleth knew for sure that she accomplished her job as a teacher. If anything, she’s taught them all she could, especially to the very person she loves, Edelgard. In the background, Sothis watched the entire scene unfold. She shook her head and turned her back towards the four warriors.

“You chose not to reverse time, didn’t you, Byleth? I wonder if that’s for the best…”

[pride-vns-blog]

LGBTQ VN Week: Day Three! (6/20)

Welcome back for my third day of LGBTQ visual novel recommendations! Remember to check out my first post’s “One note before we get started” section to get a handle on what this recommendation list is, what it’s not, and why I made it, if you haven’t already!

The four visual novels I’ve got lined up to talk about today move beyond endlessly bleak apocalypses to focus instead on persistence and hopes for a brighter future — Spincut’s Who We Are Now, Sofdelux Studio’s Disaster Log C, and Worst Girls Games’ We Know The Devil, followed by a conversation with Jaime Scribbles Games about her upcoming As We Know It.

(Disclaimers: I’m somehow still into unique-looking apocalypse stories in the year 2018, so I backed both Who We Are Now and As We Know It on Kickstarter, and I also know the creators of Disaster Log C personally.)

Head on in for comic book supervillain jokes, super important teddy bears, one hell of a summer camp, and juggling your full-time job with the end of the world!

WHO WE ARE NOW (SPINCUT)

Itch.io Tagline: "A queer, post-apocalyptic visual novel about love at the end of the world.” Genre(s): Romance; slice of life; science fiction. Release Date: December 12th, 2017 (Xander’s Story); June 18th, 2018 (Jesse’s Story); TBA (Ray’s Story & Nathan’s Story). Content Warnings: Multiple explicit sex scenes; discussion of traumatic violence.

Who We Are Now, a visual novel following protagonist Wes as he offers comfort to the isolated fellow residents of a post-apocalyptic town named Home under the advice of town leader Mohra. The backdrop for Who We Are Now is distinctly science fiction, but the worldbuilding elements are interestingly vague enough that the characters only refer to the apocalypse more in terms of how it impacted their lives, rather than concrete details about exactly which places were destroyed on what dates and how. That’s personally something I prefer for character-focused pieces like this, and an interesting contrast to the hyper-detailed way AAA studios approach the apocalypse — it works in Who We Are Now, especially in the instances where the characters react differently to the circumstances of their situation or share different information, because it’s what they’ve retained.

Although Who We Are Now is short and largely still in “preorder”, according to its Itch.io page, both of the two relatively complete Stories — starring romanceable characters Xander and Jesse, respectively — offer distinct enough stories with memorable characters that I feel comfortable saying their two companion pending routes (Ray and Nathan) will all be well worth the price and the wait. Spincut’s script treats the two love interests’ struggles with society and their respective traumas carefully, never really offering an answer or a single moment that stood out to me as being a demand for them to just “get over it”. Both Jesse and Xander bristle, especially in the later half, and neither Xander’s struggle to control his mysterious electric powers nor Jesse’s slow progress fitting in as part of the society in Home go seamlessly. Even Wes’s personality feels realistically flawed; as a character who’s lived for years on his own, there’s moments in the script where his self-reliance and avoidance gets in the way of honest and open communication.

As a relationship-focused story with a heavy emphasis on character development, Who We Are Now’s writing delivers some solid growth and reasonable conflicts in a minimal amount of time, especially in Xander’s Story! Without going into too many spoilers, his convictions about the “bad guys” outside of the community of Home and his struggles with self-worth throughout the story build up to a believable, sympathetic end — his Story raises some interesting questions about violence in a post-apocalyptic world that, combined with how different it felt from Jesse’s perspective, made me all the more excited to see Ray and Nathan’s viewpoints on the apocalypse.

(Also, the sex scenes are 👌.)

The Xander’s Story and Jesse’s Story chapters of Who We Are Now are available now for a total price $15, a price that includes the eventual release of Ray’s Story and Nathan’s Story, both of which currently TBA. For more updates, you can follow developer Spincut on Itch.io or Twitter.

DISASTER LOG C (SOFDELUX STUDIO)

Itch.io Tagline: "It has been raining ceaselessly for 7 days...” Genre(s): Comedy; mild horror. Release Date: October 23rd, 2017. Content Warnings: See Itch.io page.

(This section contains mild, vague spoilers for Disaster Log C’s ending. It’s short and free, you might want to give it a try first!)

When it comes to the four apocalypse stories on this list, they’ve all got (thankfully) relatively different approaches to handling the end of the world, but Disaster Log C’s approach is one of the few visual novels that actually surprised me with its later swerve into a revelation I hadn’t totally expected. (I’m trying to be vague enough as possible, but I seriously didn’t see that plot point coming and can appreciate the worldbuilding that made it easy to accept as a “how did I miss that?” kind of fact once it’s revealed!) Protagonist Mell’s no-nonsense approach perfectly serves the story’s steady pace, punctuated by Mell’s own “Disaster Logs” of the ocean rising up to swallow the island she’s lived on her whole life, and that pace is fed into perfectly with the frantic nature of knife-wielding Issa’s demands about where to go, what to do, and how much alcohol she wants to drink. 

There’s a goofiness to Disaster Log C that never undercuts the story’s more serious moments — Mell’s struggle with the end of the world she’s always known and Issa’s own relative detachment from that world as it exists are both given more than enough space in the text, and the story never holds their growth back for the sake of slapstick. But there’s plenty of slapstick and a lot of absolutely hilarious moments, served equally well by both script and story, that are well-placed enough that it becomes clearer and clearer in hindsight exactly when Mell and Issa became as close as they can be by the story’s end. Their dynamic is a delight and well worth reading for, whether it’s in the most serious of heart-to-hearts or a scene where they’re arguing with one another about how much food to eat.

But above all else, the thing that really sells me on Disaster Log C — and Sofdelux Studio’s previous dating sim, Mermaid Splash Passion Festival — is how sincere it is. It’s easy for apocalyptic fiction to be smug, or grim, or just plain dark, but Disaster Log C manages to capture the real grief inherent in its premise without ever plunging into hopelessness. The world Issa and Mell inhabit is a beautifully illustrated one filled with plenty of jokes and triumphant fishing CGs, but it’s also a cruel world, and it’s still very much the story of how everything Mell has ever known disappeared in the blink of an eye. That’s a delicate balance to walk, for sure, but it’s a balance Disaster Log C walks seamlessly enough that its wonderfully optimistic True Ending had me in tears.

Disaster Log C is available now for free, in both English and Korean. Both halves of Sofdelux Studio also have individual Itch.io pages (DCS’s here and Nami’s here), or you can follow their shared Itch.io for more Sofdelux Studio projects!

WE KNOW THE DEVIL (PILLOWFIGHT, WORST GIRLS GAMES)

Steam Tagline: "Follow meangirl Neptune, tomboy Jupiter, and shy shy Venus as they get to know each other--but one always gets left out.” Genre(s): Group relationship horror. Release Date: February 15th, 2016. Content Warnings: Religious abuse; blood; character death; implications of sexual harrassment/abuse.

(This section contains spoilers for the plot and endings of We Know The Devil. Sorry! Please play it!)

It would be difficult — if not totally impossible — for me to talk about why I liked We Know The Devil or what it's doing in this group of visual novels without spoiling the ending in one way or another. (I don't think I could even refer to Venus, my hands-down favorite character, in a way that felt natural without dodging around her pronouns like a middle schooler playing volleyball.) For a while, I considered putting this in the creative design category and trying to avoid spoilers anyway! There’s been of fascinating pieces that I’ve loved reading about how We Know The Devil’s unique choice system operates; its “choose two characters out of three” model is smart, well-executed, and offers a lot of character development in both the duo you observe and the one you don’t in every playthrough.

But the piece of this story that I’ve always loved the most has been its ending and the way I feel that it functions as a work of apocalyptic fiction. While the other three entries on this list are all set either at the dawn of the apocalypse or well after the apocalypse has literally “dawned”, We Know The Devil’s apocalypse is more quasi-metaphorical and much more closely linked to its ending. If you read it 100% literally, the “three worst girls since Eve” ascend in all the ways they were never supposed to be and end the world; if you read it strictly metaphorically, they still become more removed from the all-encroaching, endlessly painful social standards that have been forced upon them. And in that case, it’s even more the “end of the world” for their family or the religious authority figures around them to see that self-satisfaction and acceptance instead of the quiet repression and shame, isn’t it?

I can’t deny that a lot of my fondness for this kind of reading is a deeply personal one, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. (If anything, I think how many personal reactions there have been to We Know The Devil is a testament — ha! — to the nuanced writing and worldbuilding.) The legacy of religious abuse in the name of Christianity, specifically Irish Catholicism, is something that’s haunted my own family for generations. It’s dictated who got married and who couldn’t get divorced, it’s been the reason some of my friends were born and the reason some others died, and its impact is so irreversable that the guilt even gets passed down into generations that have barely attended a service. So for We Know The Devil’s true ending to take a lot of those religious hallmarks, that guilt from failing to live up to expectations, and then build up to a true ending where the rest of the world is damned for the way it treated Jupiter, Neptune, and Venus — without the true ending’s text ever condemning any of them for being teenagers who are willing to scorch the Earth, metaphorically or literally, and refuse to accept the pain they shouldn’t have to suffer? As a story about the end of three characters’ slice of the world, We Know The Devil one hell of an answer to the Christian idea of a Rapture, and one I prefer a thousand times over.

We Know The Devil is available now on sale for $1.99 (75% off), while you can try We Know The Demo for free on Itch.io; Worst Girls Games can be found on Twitter and Tumblr with more information about their upcoming project, Heaven Will Be Mine!

AS WE KNOW IT (JAIME SCRIBBLES GAMES)

Kickstarter Tagline: "A heavily branching visual novel, featuring love, friendship and life-sim elements in a future destroyed by the sun.” Genre(s): Romance; drama. Release Date: April 25th, 2018 (demo); TBA (final version). Content Warnings: Alcohol and drug use; violence; mature content.

As someone who really enjoyed Pinewood Island, Jaime Scribbles Games’ debut horror visual novel about college students trapped on an island with a murderer, I’ve been looking forward to As We Know It since I first saw initial character designs. The first demo definitely was what I’d been hoping it would be — although visually unfinished in places, given that the Kickstarter was largely to help fund purchase of its art assets like finished backgrounds and side character sprites — and the story about a post-apocalypse society that largely functioned but still ran into unexpected troubles instantly hooked me.

Interested in hearing a little more about protagonist Ashlynn’s dual focus on romance and maintaining a job, I reached out to Jaime with a couple questions to hear what she had to say about her upcoming visual nove.

First, congratulations on your Kickstarter reaching full funding and a bonus goal! I'm sure you've done a lot of this already during the funding period, but how would you pitch As We Know It to someone who'd never heard of it before?

A heavily branching visual novel with romance in a post-apocalyptic setting. Something along those lines.

Yeah, that sounds accurate to me! What's the experience in having run a successfully-funded Kickstarter for a visual novel been like? Are there any weird little details or things that you weren't expecting to have to deal with that have become surprisingly important?

Hm, I didn’t really know what to expect. I can’t say anything too unusual occurred.

Hey, no news is better than bad news, for sure!

Both As We Know It and Pinewood Island have had different mechanics alongside the romance -- in Pinewood Island's case, unpuzzling a brutal series of deaths, and in As We Know It's case, pursuing a career path in a crisis-stricken community -- that seem to be just as central to the storytelling, rather than a backdrop for romance. Can you talk a little bit about striking that balance?

It’s not easy! I have to make sure it makes sense for these characters to want to pursue romance despite whatever else is going on. That usually means making sure things don’t get too intense until more of a relationship is formed. Since romance is such a heavy aspect I hope people don’t question it too much lol

When you're designing characters' personalities or approving their visual depictions, what do you keep in mind? What do you think is the most important thing when it comes to building a lineup of characters to make them all feel distinct from one another?

I think of different personalities, different types of people I want to write, and then I try to make sure their looks are diverse and varied. As I write them their characteristics become more solid.

Were someone else to make a "dream visual novel" for you as a player, what do you think that visual novel would be like? In terms of genre, romance routes, etc?

Oh I’m not sure 🤔 probably a really good mash up of horror and romance with psychological elements and a mature story (no teenager plz) lol

😆 I'd definitely play that, too!

For my last question, what LGBTQ visual novels from other developers or creators are your personal recommendations?

Let’s see, Hustle Cat, Let's Meat Adam are my faves, but there are tons more out there!

Definitely! Thank you for the conversation, Jaime, I'm looking forward to seeing As We Know It's progress over the next couple months!

You can find more information about As We Know It on Kickstarter, try out the free demo on Itch.io and Steam, or keep up with progress on the game’s development blog!

[moodboardinthecloud]

The life you thought you were going to have is gone

LORI FOX

SPECIAL TO THE GLOBE AND MAIL

PUBLISHED AUGUST 14, 2020, UPDATED AUGUST 15, 2020

Lori Fox is a writer based in Whitehorse.

I know what you’ve been going through these past five months; it’s the same thing we’ve all been going through.

Stripped both of structure and spontaneity, a day could feel like a week and a week like a month, yet two hours could evaporate in a puff of anxiety as you googled COVID-19 symptoms and compulsively streamed The Great British Bake Off. It was always 7 p.m. on a Sunday, no matter what day of the week it actually was. Confined inside for days on end, you came to loathe the colour of your bathroom, the texture of your carpet, the sound of your upstairs neighbour walking above you. No matter how essential the errand, leaving your home made you feel both anxious and guilty.

Now, the game is changing again. For better or for worse, things are reopening; Toronto, one of the hardest hit cities in the country, recently entered “stage three,” meaning bars, movie theatres and restaurants are open. Although everything still has a faint, palpable air of dread – the lull in a horror movie where the plucky teens foolishly believe they’ve escaped the monster and the viewer, helpless, is just waiting for it to come crashing back on screen – the stranglehold of total social isolation is loosening for many people. The fear and worry and loneliness are still there, but blunted by changing circumstances and normalization.

But that other thing, that quieter ache – that smouldering coal deep in your chest you fear would ignite and devour you if you dug it out and examined it – that’s still there. If anything, that pain might be sharper, more acute than before.

That feeling is grief.

We can go out and get a coffee, we can walk in the park, we can drink a beer on the patio, but it doesn't really matter.

The world we knew is gone.

The life you thought you were going to have is gone.

The lives we all thought we were going to have are gone.

And, maybe, that’s a good thing. A good – and very hard – thing.

Since COVID-19 first emerged sometime toward the end of 2019, more than 741,000 people have died and 20 million have been infected, with 121,000 infections in Canada alone. With people locked into their homes, sick or afraid of getting sick, the economy came to a grinding halt, a shockwave of lost jobs and reduced or redistributed consumer spending. Canada lost around two million jobs in April, with the hardest hit – outside of people who were already un- or underemployed – being low-wage workers, of which women and younger people comprise a large portion, groups that were already at an economic disadvantage in the Before.

Those jobs aren’t just going to just magically reappear as we reopen; COVID-19 has reshaped consumer demand and will continue to do so into the future. Many small businesses – restaurants in particular – are permanently closed, and it will take time for something to replace them, if such a thing will even be possible in the near future.

Things aren’t going to go back to “normal.” There’s no “normal” to go back to.

More importantly, this pandemic has kicked open the factory doors of our culture and allowed us to see how the sausage is made: on the backs of the people whose labour, time and bodies we deem to be worth at or around minimum wage, but without which we absolutely could not – cannot – make it through this crisis.

Current conversations around the “safety” of going back to work right now are simply not for the lower classes. While many middle and upper class people worked from home, working class wage earners – grocery store clerks, delivery drivers, food and agriculture folk – continued on as “essential workers,” dispensing and producing the goods and services on which our entire culture runs, all the while risking continuous public exposure. They went to work – and continue to go to work – because they have to, and will continue to have to, even as we see infections spike, something we should prepare to happen, given what we are seeing in other nations, such as Germany and Australia.

For the working class who have lost their jobs due to the pandemic, discussions around CERB – which some claim is a disincentive for people to return to work – and how some people, particularly millennials, spend that money, only serves to make the deep-seated class divide in this country more apparent. If $2,000 a month – about $12.50 an hour, or around $24,000 a year before taxes for a full-time worker – means that people are making more money than they were before, the problem is not CERB, but that workers are not fairly compensated for their labour with a living wage. Anyone who would weigh in critically on how that money is spent, moreover, should ask themselves if they believe that only the wealthy deserve financial autonomy, and the pleasure and dignity of human comforts, or if CERB is really just a subsidy for landlords.

That these are even conversations to be had demonstrates a tremendous failure of understanding – and compassion – about the realities of working class life, and the message it sends is clear: Get back to work, plebes.

The destabilizing effect of this pandemic has laid bare the economic inequality on which our society functions. Class disparity, the resistance to universal income, systemic racism, the militarization of the police and the rhetoric of the current political climate are not the result of the pandemic; they are the endgame of capitalism. We’ve merely paused the machine long enough to see them clearly.

This is my own tiny, selfish dream:

I want to meet a nice femme and get married and have a modest house with a little yard. I want to make my future wife coffee in the morning and kiss her goodbye, and go off to work writing articles and books, because it’s a useful occupation that makes me happy. I want to take my breakfast in a diner on Sundays while I read the paper, and make my wife laugh, and put butter on hot, fresh bread, and throw a ball for my dog. I want a couple fingers of whisky, clean sheets and a book when I go to bed at night.

My dream, in short, is to have enough, with the time to enjoy it. To have a life that has love and dignity.

It’s so small, when you say it like that, but for so much of my life it has seemed impossibly out of reach. At the beginning of March, things were finally starting to look up for me; that dream felt a little bit closer. When the pandemic hit, every certainty I had worked so hard to build for myself was swept from the table.

Now, here in August, that dream feels even further away than before. I don’t know what your own little dream is, but it probably feels distant – perhaps even unreachable – now, too.

I’m really sad about it, and I think we should be allowed to be sad right now.

Grief is a chance to get a hold of that hurting thing, to look at it fully and carefully, to take what’s left of what you’re grieving for and make it into a part of yourself you can take with you.

Grief isn’t about expulsion and denial. It’s about consumption and reflection.

Things are scary. We are allowed to be anxious and afraid right now.

We have lost a world. You’ve got permission to grieve.

But in doing that, we might ask if the world we have lost is really as good as we remember, if it was serving the life we hoped we would have. I’m working class. I’ve experienced homelessness and poverty. I’m queer. I’m non-binary. I’m female. I know – have known for most of my adult life – that in this world some bodies are worth more than other bodies. Some lives are worth more than other lives. Some happiness is worth more than other happiness.

What we are seeing, now, in this crisis, is a perfect distillation of that, of the ways the world before did not serve – did not care about – everyone equally. This is a chance to rethink that; perhaps not only can we not return to the world before this, but maybe we don’t really want to.

Capitalism demands constant, accelerating growth; a black magic trick that flies in the face of nature, in which no such thing exists. Even SARS-CoV-2 – itself a phenomena of nature – must adhere to these rules, and in many ways the virus is a metaphor for capitalism itself. It seeks perpetual increase without regard for the host organism, and eventually it will reach a point where it can no longer continue its present rate of infection; either it will use up all its resources (all the host organisms are all already infected or dead) or it will be contained or even eradicated by adaptations on the part of the host (that’s us).

That we see, plainly, how fragile and unfair our way of life really is, is part of the collective grief. Even if we did all agree to go back to the way things were, they can never actually really be that way; the illusion has been dispelled.

So go ahead and grieve now. Think carefully. Fill in the holes the world before has left.

Adapt.

Be good to your neighbours and friends. Take care of them as best you can. Don’t let them go without, if it’s possible. We’re going to need each other more than ever.

It will take a lot of hands to build a new and better world with new and better lives for each of us.

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/article-the-life-you-thought-you-were-going-to-have-is-gone/?fbclid=IwAR1rIo_kJT0VzLC_hEaGMrcls8KHYooVLETX2PxVN6wVQpzkhSlJh4bjfzU