#I need money to eat
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Well I said I was gonna do a proper advertisement... Shop link! There are new items in old listings too, like the ESMP1 Jizzie, take a look!
ALSO IF YOU ARE A MUTUAL ORDERING PLEASE TELL ME
#I put a lot of effort into this but Im still. very self conscious to tag merch of all things. Um I'll do a few maintags ok. Don't eat me#I need money to eat </3#trafficblr#rendog#goodtimeswithscar#smallishbeans#ok thats all. Im scared now#video#idk how to filter this to my blog either so uh#tubby art
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I was trying to eat noodles neatly and for some reason I got sad midway. So I drew them messy eating a biscuit and a strawberry to combat sad noodle blues.
#Ugh I could've made it messier though.#I tried looking at how the strawberry juice look as it's getting bitten. But looking at a closeup of a mouth eating is kinda uncomfortable#I would need to be paid to look at that again. I dropped it and just winged it. Lol#Hm. I should've at least looked up how goopy it should look. But eh. Drawings finished.#I heard wild strawberries are sour? But these ARE giant strawberries. So this might be a special special kind of strawberry.#I'm not like other strawberries. 😤🍓 Lol#I can't remember what an actual strawberry taste. People made it look pretty good though.#Then again people also made dragon fruit look tasty and it turned out it just tastes like a very very desaturated pear. Lol#Hmmmm but also then again. They also make cherries look good and I LOVE cherries. 🤷♀️#That ain't the giant Crumbl cookie if anyone's wondering. Connie would probably never spend money on a Crumbl. That's a home made biscuit.#Bruh I can't spell biscuit#I watched someone biting on what I think is a Crumbl and they spit it out. And the pieces sounded like concrete as it hit the table 😆😆😆#connverse#connie maheswaran#steven quartz universe#Lion SU#su#steven universe#skedoobles#Ah. Also scribbling this because I needed a break after burning out 3 hours of a commission's allotted time just figuring out what pose#to settle on. So like I only have five hours left to work on their piece. 😬#my shiz#Waitaminuteee in case I unintentionally relayed it wrong. I'm not going to actually just make that allotted commission time just 5 hours no#I recognize not being able to settle a pose for THAT long in a commission is skill issue on my part so I'm not going to carve out 3 hours#Plus at least now I have poses that I *could* make a YCH out of. The body measures are going to be limited however 🤔
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time sensitive mutual aid post but i have a very strict medically necessary diet and im out of my dried gluten-free pasta and almost all of my canned goods. im trying to resist eating something that i know is very harmful to me just so i can eat something tonight. it's been a very rough week if you can throw me a few dollars so i can try and get something to eat tonight, my p//y/p//l is @/scrump444 thanks and please share
#this is coming right after my fiancé's mother died and him being hospitalized and then my birthday#and today also happens to be the 4th year anniversary of my fathers passing but we didnt have the gas money to go to the cemetery today#everything in my current life is very very stressful#im more worried for my fiancé than for myself but after not eating more than 3 meals in the past 5 days i need some money to eat#i'm trying not to eat something glutenous because it makes me so sick that im bedridden the next day but im very very hungry#sorry for not being active or for posting this sort of stuff im at a critical point and i hate bothering my friends directly for help
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There are four main types of Batfam fans in regard to how people interpret Bruce Wayne as a dad (/Joking. This is mostly satire and should not be taken seriously):
Fans that think Bruce is emotionally constipated and isn't the best at being a parent but still tries (Differs per person). Don't necessarily think he's absuive but thinks he can be toxic or have unhealthy expectations for the Robins. Can smell the Oldest Daughter Syndrome coming from Dick and have Family Line (By Conan Gray) as their top song on their Dick inspired playlist and Daddy Issues (By The Neighbourhood) for Jason.
Fans that choose to believe Bruce goes to therapy in their own canon. Love B:WFA. Thinks the comic can be cheesy at times and so find a balance between B:WFA Bruce and Please Go To Therapy BruceTM as their middle ground. He struggles. They advocate that Bruce is not a bad parent, he just has bad writers that seem to forget Bruce wouldn't hurt kids, especially not his own. Love the humane moments and scenes he has in BTAS and the early JL cartoons. He may not be perfect but he's not literally abusive. Whores for Bruce being able to admit when he is wrong and for Jason and Bruce reconciling. I recommend Grow As We Go by Ben Platt for this one.
A mix between the first two. Was fine-ish when Dick was younger. Didn't help him in the healthiest way but eh. Still emotionally constipated but that happened more so after Dick left and Jason died. Started getting better when Tim came back but was still closed off. Should probably go to therapy with the kids so they can drag his ass about all the things he's done that have actually affected them negatively. Understands his mistakes and is also able to admit when he's wrong, eventually. It's not easy but he starts to do better and learns to be more emotionally available. Still has to get chewed out by Alfred sometimes but definitely better than he used to be and it shows. Reconciliation is slow and gradual but progress is made for everyone involved.
The one's I personally avoid for my own sanity and wellbeing:
Think Bruce is a complete bastard and abuser. Want him to choke. Hate any and all interpretations of him. Some of which will refuse to understand how anyone could have a different interpretation. Will point out comics where, in all fairness, he is a dick but forget that characterisation can significantly differ from one series to the next, as comic characters are constantly passed around to different writers and have been for decades. Not to mention movies, shows, etc.
#Bruce Wayne#Batman#Batfam#Batdad#I'm not tagging everyone in the Batfam I can't be assed#Sorry there's like 500#Bruce has a child for every mental disorder he has#Dick is his ADHD. Jason is his C-PTSD. Tim is his Anxiety. Cass is his OCD. Damian is his Autism.#Like bro the therapist is RIGHT there#You have the money just GO#I am a mix of 2 and 3 tbh but more so 2 because he is my comfort fictional father figure. I already have a shit dad irl#I'm not dealing with it in my favourite media too#Type 4 fans scare me I lowkey see so many people like that and I'm like. If the block button wasn't free. I'd be in debt by now#I get that you saw Tom Kings work. So did I. I hate that fuck. But I personally prefer the scene of him in JL with Ace on the swings#Or the one with him playing with shape block toys with a baby whilst Supes and WW handle the questioning#Or when he hugs literally any of his kids#Or the one of him and Jason watching a movie and eating popcorn when Jason's ill. And they have the picture of them posing#Or when he cried in Flashpoint over the letter his dad left him because the little boy in him needed that#Plus any time Bruce and Clark interact as Best Friends. The Golden Age comics where they were basically Dick's gay dads 💀#But yeah. I could make a poll from this tbh.#This is a generalisation on purpose genuinely do not take it seriously#If I see ANY disclosure. It's delete and block on sight#Bruh I'm still recovering from the notes of my Fallout 4 John Hancock in a Drag Race outfit crossover post#I know it sounds like I'm being paranoid but that's because I am. You have not seen the things I have seen in my notes#You do not know of the wars I have fought of over ghoul dicks and high heels#I have seen things I can never burn from my vision. Read things I will never have the mercy of forgetting#Over silly little shitposts. Lmao. Anyway. Here. Have some food.
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“God why do I feel so stressed and tired all the time?”
*has 15 different things going on at once, none of which are related
#okay maybe FIFTEEN#but I’m working on my own research project#while also being in 3 films#while also volunteering at a museum and an archive#while also creating and selling my artwork#while also helping my friend with his research project#while also trying to get these fiction pieces out there#while ALSO trying to work out the logistics of getting a motorised sledge across the country without a car#(tbf that’s easy — assemble at chosen point and disassemble for transport)#while also trying to make sure I have things like food. and rent money. and that I eat the food. and pay the rent money#I feel like a squirrel in a blender#LETS FUCKING GO WE BALL AT DAWN#I blame Antarctic history for at least 1/3 of the reasons I’m so all over the place#the rest is 100% on me#(oh Christ u just remembered the two auditions I’ve been called back for AAAAAAH)#I also need to sign up to do some HEMA courses since it’s been a while. and I need to keep that up to date#and my first aid certificate…. fuck me#I just wanna play the banjo and smoke bad cigarettes and badly flirt with butch ladies
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i do not like thanksgiving (week)
#1. late november? it’s Dark. all the time. pure darkness#also my dad is neurotic for no reason about the electricity bill despite how much money he spends on random other crap#and he will get really nasty with you if you leave a light on for one nanosecond longer than it needs to be on#so like only if you’re in the room which means the house is dark all the time and you’re expected to just walk around like that#even though having a light on at your destination if you’re moving back and forth helps#like sorry i don’t want to feel depressed and sleepy all the time#2. family over means i have to socialize even though i straight up have nothing to say#i think this one is self explanatory i think we all know the feeling of having to perform around relatives and to be friendly#i really do try my best i’m not like a hardcore introvert i’m just boring and easily bored#if i have nothing to say but i am expected by law to be present at the gathering#i will cope with looking awkward by constantly snacking on whatever food is present#so i just eat like a ton of crackers or whatever over several hours#and i feel like absolute crap#like blehhh wdym peanut m&ms will make your body annoyed at you#3. i can’t cook i’ll be so real so i can’t even feel like i’m being helpful#i would gladly help out i’ll just always need someone to hold my hand and i’ll be in the way#so it’s better for me to stay away#but then it looks like i’m just lazy#or again antisocial#and then that means i gotta do cleanup and dishes#4. going back to the Darkness and sleepiness. all of the above things are bad enough over say christmas#but at least then i can relax bc the semester is over it’s a real break#but thanksgiving? man i am still busy. i have to work from home. i am stressed#my instinct is to hibernate and relax bc of the darkness and holiday vibe#however i’m not allowed to#but it’s hard to be productive#harder still when you have to operate under someone else’s rules#peach rambles
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can i get a fucking Break
#ok so basically#grandma realized that she couldnt exert control over what i eat anymore (since i pay for basically ALL my food)#so now my WATER and GAS PRIVILEGES ARE BEING RESTRICTED#which is arguably worse!!!#i can show up hungry to work but stinky????#for context my total shower time of the ENTIRE WEEK is like 25 minutes. i take one long 10 minute shower on sundays to wash my hair#and even THEN half of them are with cold water because were nearing summer and i like them#for MORE CONTEXT#1. my parents give her money for bills 2. the government give her money for bills#and more importantly 3. I EVEN OFFERED TO GIVE HER MONEY FROM MY OWN 'I NEED TO GTFO' SAVINGS!!!#she just sneered and said You dont have money. huh???#she genuinely thinks i sleep around for food lmao#tldr; this is just another power play and i need to Get Out#i cant even save up for top surgery because all my money goes to food and my escape fund#please help lmao i will draw you pictures and everything
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anyway i have to submit 3 bound copies of my thesis. one last kick to the head of the bleeding corpse that is the illusion of upward mobility
#four if i want to keep one for myself#thats like one hundge and fiddy bugs#also why do they need 3 copies do they eat them#jk its one for each examiner plus one for the archives because why not students have so much money#cant even mail them together because they're too heavy lmfao#so ridiculous#&#thesis writing
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Can’t decide if I need to make myself cry or make myself take a damn nap
#technical talks#long story short my bank and my paypal can’t agree on where my money should be#so it’s just Gone. in money limbo.#i have $20.#and bills and my credit card need to be paid and the dog needs to eat#and technically none of those things are Immediate issues but they’ve already gone too long for me to be comfy#i need to just call one or both to find out what the fuck is happening and when I’m getting my goddamn mahneys#but that’s stressing me out and if I do I’ll cry#I’ll go eat something. then laundry. then nap.#maybe cry myself to sleep! who knows <3
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hold on im still too mad at this one fucking guest to take a nap i need to be a hater for a minute
#so when i say hell on earth kinda day i mean HELL ON EARTH kinda day#we had a large bus travel group from slovakia and then some other guests and it was almost a hundred people for breakfast#the bus group all came at the same time they descended onto the buffet like fucking seagulls i swearrrrr#and i divided tasks like i had two helpers with me in the kitchen so one guys job was just to gather dirty dishes + washing + taking clean#ones back out#and the other guy running around the buffet checking whats needed + restockjng the cold food + telling me all the hot stuff that needs#refilling. so i was in the kitchen making all the hot foods on constant rotation + chopping fruits and making smoothies and shit#and like we managed. WE MANAGED. the buffet was never even half empty at any point like yes there was always something that was empty but#dude who cares if the vanilla yoghurt is empty for 5 mins just pick something else.#and everyone was happy with their breakfast and really nice when asking if we have more of this and that etc and then there was one lady#this ONE FUCKINGGGG lady i swear i almost threw hands#she was complaining about everythinggggggggggg#about there not being any more fried eggs (already in the pan. done in 2 mins. but when helper nr2 told her that she said well why did we#run put in the first place) about the bread station being full of crumbs like girl its BREAD. my giy was running up and down the buffet#wiping it off and cleaning as fast as he could but if you allow people to cut their own bread there will be fucking crumbs. the fuck.#then she also didnt like how the butter looked bc OBV people kept using the butter and no matter how many times you go in and make it look#neat again as soon as the next person takes some it will not look picture perfect anymore#like while i was running back and forth restocking stuff with my arms full she TOOK MY ARM and pointed at things and was like#'this looks shit' so does your fucking face but you dont see me getting physical about it#and then when i came out with a big tray of fresh glasses and cups she pointed to where someone had spilled some water at the dispenser and#went 'there is water on the buffet' (far away from any food + literally its just water) and i said 'yes i know' and she goes 'well it doesnt#look very appealing. this is the worst buffet ive ever seen' and i go 'well surely you have seen how busy we are' and she FUCKING GOES#'i dont care. i paid money for this.' and i go 'well that makes two of us for not caring. we'll get to it when we have the time.' and she#said something else idk what bc i was finished with my task and had SHIT TO DO BC PPL WERE STILL EATING#so i just turned and ran back to the kitchen to keep working#actually i got back to the kitchen and said to guy nr1 'i need to go punch something' and then went out the back and started kicking the#shit out of a pile of paper boxes and THEN i continued working#and then she started TAKING PICTURES of everything she didnt like of the buffet like full offense i hope she gets hit by a bus#like with some people you can just tell they never worked a day in the service industry and no matter what you do theyll keep complaining#anyways :) tag limit. apparently. so its nap time now. honk shoo snork mimimi and so forth <3
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im so tempted to buy all the alex rider graphic novels, but they cost $98 canadian dollars... and that's the cheapest set i could find too
#that would still be more than what i paid for the box set of 11 books#had to buy the last 3 books separately and the most expensive one was nightshade revenge because i had to buy the hardcover copy i hope#that its worth it#i got the box set on when it was really cheap too which was nice cause the “box” that it came in got delivered to me completely broken#so i recycled it#maybe one day I'll buy the graphic novels#probably not anytime soon because that is a ton of money and i need to eat food to live or whatever...#alex rider
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in preparation for the move I went through the deeply healing process of canceling a bunch of monthly subscriptions I had managed to accumulate over the years, turns out I was spending $70.76 on functionally nothing. Annoyed I let it get to that but happy to have the money back in my pocket so I can put it towards more responsible things: warhammer minis
#for those curious the bulk of it was kindle unlimited and audible#both of which were meant to be free trials that ended up sucking away my money for over a year without me using them once#audible was epsecially annoying because i distinctly remember trying to cancel it no less than 3 different times#and each time getting stunlocked trying to figure out how to spend the credits I'd accidentally managed to accumulate#fortunately my recent interest in warhammer finally provided an outlet and I've rid myself of it#also I will say about 9 bucks of that monthly total doesn't really count#since it was a nexus mods membership i really only subscribed to so I could mod morrowind#it had only been active for like 2 months at that point#again granted it was meant to be 0#but nowhere near as bad as the amazon ones#the rest were random misc shit#patreons I'd been subbed to for too long#a server farm I was using to host a website I ended up letting expire#etc.#in reality the main motivation for this was that I thought electricity would be covered by the rent in my upcoming lease#but it wasn't#so i never accounted for it in my can i afford this math#so i needed to pull an electricity bills worth of money out of the aether on a monthly basis#which this has hopefully managed to accomplish#the next big money saving task will be to learn how to stop eating out so fucking often#im literally eating myself out of my retirement because I'm too much of a baby and want burger instead of home cooked meal
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This just in, local struggler severely overestimates how much they can eat yet again. Left with half a bowl of ramen and a sad, sad heart
#speculation nation#it's homemade at least so im not wasting money on fancy ramen#but i Hate this man it sucks 😭😭😭😭#i keep losing weight bc i can never eat enough#and i was like 'ok lets make a ramen thats a good sized meal' but then i cant FINISH it#forced myself to finish all the eggs at least and now im just picking at the peas. ugh.#at this rate im gonna have to start drinking ensures more regularly again#bc i havent gotten to the underweight phase yet but if it keeps going like this then i will#like it was. excuse me talking about my weight for a bit but im a tad bit concerned about it#but back before i started adderall back in uhh. september?? i think?? or october???#fuck if i remember. been a few months tho. but also not That long.#anyways i was at like. 140lbs at the doctor and like 137lbs at home (relevant bc clothes weight. rest of this will be at home weights)#and ive had such shit appetite that ive been watching it go down and down. like at least a pound a week. sometimes two pounds.#and now im at 123lbs. which is a solid almost 15 lbs lost in like 3 ish months. which is kind of a lot when ur small to begin with.#also a little alarming when u see this happen like a pound lower between every shower. bc i tend to check before i shower.#& i often shower every 4 days or so. when im in the Rotting Era and all. aka i dont rly go outside much.#and like 123lbs still isnt bad for 5'3“ but i think 107lbs is the cutoff for underweight. and im halfway there.#and now see i was about this weight a few years back so in one respect it's nice to fit into some of my older pants again#but at the same time..thats too quick!!! thats not healthy!!!! but when i try to eat more i Cant!!! it makes me nauseous!!!!!#so back in early 2020 when i was dipping under 110lbs bc of meds stuff i got onto ensure and it did help. so maybe i need to again.#just..blegh. i just kinda feel empty all the time. like stomach-wise. but not Hungry. it's a problem.#gotta come up with ways to eat that dont rely on my stomach to tell me when to eat. bc it's definitely not doing a good job at that.#weight mention/#and like see ive been eating 2 meals a day on average but i was doing that before too!!!!!!#but i think it's bc i cant Finish my meals half the time that's really causing problems.#staring at my half eaten bowl of ramen very grumpily. it has now been long enough that it's kind of gross.#and my arms hurt. just bc my bone aches have decided to flare up again. very grumpy.#negative/#i guess lol
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fomo on ff7 rebirth hitting hard bc im too busy in life to play games right now + i made a promise to myself to never buy games at full price ever again
#i live and breathe work now btw 😃 leave home early come home late#i dont even eat dinner anymore bc i just dont have the time but also after a full day worth of work i dont#have an appetite anymore. pretty bad for my ed but i need to have money ��😃#it sucks when ur parents are poor bc i dont work a salary for myself i work a salary for 3 people lmao but what can you do ...#this is the life of a second gen immigrant. nothing i can do about it#bakma bana
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annoyed with my roommate >:(
#B and I share pizzas but I need the pizzas more (safe food) and I buy most of them#so the rule is supposed to be that B keeps track of how many they eat vs how many I’ve bought and buys replacements#Ex: I bought 7 pizzas. B bought 3. B ate 5 pizzas; now B needs to buy 2 replacement pizzas.#this is a rule bc I have a lot of food restrictions and trauma around going hungry and B knows this. and B agreed to buy me replacements.#generally he’s been pretty good about it! but we were both leaving for trips this past weekend and I specifically asked him to replace#my pizzas bc I knew I was gonna be hungry when I got home#and he did not do that. so yesterday I ordered chipotle for dinner bc I could not go shopping bc energy GONE#and now I’m sitting here after class like >:( I wanted to eat lunch and now I can’t#I’ll go shopping after class today I’m just Annoyed. I’ve been spending a lot of money this week bc of trip and I can’t super afford to#order DoorDash or go shopping more than once a week. bc I am unemployed and living off of savings rn.#*screams*#and now I’m sitting here trying to find foods I can eat and reassure myself that it’s okay and I won’t starve#bc body is convinced that me being hungry means that I’m gonna be hungry for a long time#I’m gonna go make some popcorn. I ate the pumpkin brownies Beck gave me so that helps.#I wish I’d thought to ask Hobbs for the leftover pizza slices from Saturday night. ah well.#I’m safe and I will be able to buy groceries after class and I will eat dinner and I’m not in trouble for needing food#it’s okay
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ate 3 normal(ish) meals today 👍 WHILE scared.whos proud
#text#ive been skipping lunch cuz the dining hall is scary when its busy but i need to just like. get a to go container i think#but it costs money and i hate spending money :( its literally $5 its not that bad but STILL#speaking of spending money. i wonder how much my xray will cost. i hope its just free because of my patheticboy swag#(its like a $10-$40 copay at most hopefully not a huge deal)#ugh. anyway. yeah its hard 2 get in the habit of eating 3x a day bc on weekends the dining hall is only open 2x a day#so any progress i make is immediately undone by Scheduling lmao#wagteverrrr im trying thats what counts. im trying#and someday . someday i will eat 3 meals a day and 2 to 3 snacks and i wont even think about it#and it wont be a chore it will just be Something i do. MANIFESTINGGGNGNGNNGGGGG#they shiould make an eating that is easy fun free and doesnt suck. PLEASE.#disordered eating tw
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