screwpinecaprice Ā· 5 days ago
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I was trying to eat noodles neatly and for some reason I got sad midway. So I drew them messy eating a biscuit and a strawberry to combat sad noodle blues.
#Ugh I could've made it messier though.#I tried looking at how the strawberry juice look as it's getting bitten. But looking at a closeup of a mouth eating is kinda uncomfortable#I would need to be paid to look at that again. I dropped it and just winged it. Lol#Hm. I should've at least looked up how goopy it should look. But eh. Drawings finished.#I heard wild strawberries are sour? But these ARE giant strawberries. So this might be a special special kind of strawberry.#I'm not like other strawberries. šŸ˜¤šŸ“ Lol#I can't remember what an actual strawberry taste. People made it look pretty good though.#Then again people also made dragon fruit look tasty and it turned out it just tastes like a very very desaturated pear. Lol#Hmmmm but also then again. They also make cherries look good and I LOVE cherries. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø#That ain't the giant Crumbl cookie if anyone's wondering. Connie would probably never spend money on a Crumbl. That's a home made biscuit.#Bruh I can't spell biscuit#I watched someone biting on what I think is a Crumbl and they spit it out. And the pieces sounded like concrete as it hit the table šŸ˜†šŸ˜†šŸ˜†#connverse#connie maheswaran#steven quartz universe#Lion SU#su#steven universe#skedoobles#Ah. Also scribbling this because I needed a break after burning out 3 hours of a commission's allotted time just figuring out what pose#to settle on. So like I only have five hours left to work on their piece. šŸ˜¬#my shiz#Waitaminuteee in case I unintentionally relayed it wrong. I'm not going to actually just make that allotted commission time just 5 hours no#I recognize not being able to settle a pose for THAT long in a commission is skill issue on my part so I'm not going to carve out 3 hours#Plus at least now I have poses that I *could* make a YCH out of. The body measures are going to be limited however šŸ¤”
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epajournal Ā· 8 years ago
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March 9th, 2017
10:36 p.m. Ā  Sitting here on the couch after waking up at a horrifically late time today. So far, my stomachā€™s been better, at least. I went to bed fairly late last night... Iā€™m not even entirely sure why, honestly. But I did. I stayed up with Tom and Edo too late on PChat, but at least I drew. And got drawing done before then, too. I think going to the coffee shop recharged me a little bit, so I may go again tomorrow. Ā  Tomorrowā€™s my first day of having therapy on Friday, which is interesting. And weā€™ve decided as a family to skip Dunsmuir and the houseboat this year to go to Hawaii for a week and a half, which Iā€™m honestly very into the idea of. Iā€™m so ready to have a vacation thatā€™s not near here, that isnā€™t with family I donā€™t like much and feel I have to put on a facade with, to go swimming in water thatā€™s aaaalways super warm and enjoyable... Ā  Though now it comes down to: Money. I donā€™t know how I fucked up so much. I had $50,000. So, okay. The first $15,000 came and went in the form of dumb-ass spending, the LA trip, catching up on bills, and a lot of vet stuff, if I recall correctly. But the remainder... So I paid off all my debt aside from the Care Credit stuff which I stillĀ havenā€™t contacted the vetā€™s office about. That was a pretty serious chunk, I think close to $8,000-$10,000. Then I paid off the remainder of my car, $3,500-$4,000.The rest is a little bit of a mystery to me, in that I canā€™t see how I managed to piss away so much money without thinking. I mean, itā€™s been a few thousand dollars so far in rent, yes. I think there were a couple of hundred on doctorsā€™ bills... I bought some new clothes (necessary!), I bought my mom a few things-- and OH... The bed, I split Momā€™s gift of a Sleep Number bed for Christmas with Ian, which was a good chunk. But the rest has been on rampant Amazon purchases, wasteful grocery trips, and convenience foods and food delivery. I think itā€™s time for me to open a spending spreadsheet. Today, I did buy too much... My dumbest thing was getting a commission of Casey (which wasnā€™t much), and then going on Amazon... Of course I really did need a new pack of contact lens cases (Oh, that was another purchase! A year of lenses!) and a new laundry hamper since Momā€™s taken mine to use.... But then I got things for organizing the shower for my stuff, some new hairbrushes, a caddy for my things when I bring them upstairs fully... But. Augh. I would like to go to AnimeExpo this year, Iā€™d like to go to Fanime. Iā€™d like to go to Hawaii. The latter is the most crucial. The middle is very important to me. But Iā€™m scared to even check my balance right now.... My mom owes me close to $500+ right now, my brother probably owes me fifty... I have a check from tax refunds worth nearly $300... But the issue is that I also have to pay registration in May thatā€™s $200, $600 worth of doctorā€™s visits, and $250 on my carā€™s way-past-due fluid change. Ā  But the positive is that overall, my monthly cost of living is very low. Itā€™s $450 for rent, which is about as cheap as I could ask for in the area. Food is dependent on how well I budget myself. I barely drive, so gas is honestly negligible, and I get decent enough mileage. I donā€™t pay for my phone or car insurance, and my health insurance is about $15/month. I do have, overall, roughly $70 of monthly services like Spotify, Netflix, YouTube Red (which people scoff at me having, but let me tell you: itā€™s worth it)... So, actually, I guess much less than that... Additionally, I plan on joining Planet Fitness this weekend, but theyā€™re cheap. Like $10/month cheap, aside from a $40 annual fee in May. Ā  So, Iā€™ve gottaā€™ get income going. Iā€™m dreading going back to doing commissions, but not nearly as much as I dread the idea of a regular job, ugh. At a regular job, I wouldnā€™t need to make much, so I wouldnā€™t have to work much. But I cannot stand the stress of it right now. Thereā€™s so much I need to do as it is, and while I know that there would be a lot of structure I could use in having the regularity and social reinforcement of working... The dread associated with clock-watching anxiety and learning a new gig is very upsetting to think about. Ā  But, first and foremost, Iā€™ve got to sit down and face the fucking music when it comes to my financial status. I have enough time that I can fix anything that itā€™s at right now -- I mean, making $500 a month would be great, thatā€™d last me a while, I think, but making $1,000/month would probably cover me entirely the whole month. Iā€™d probably be banking a couple of hundred as long as I was being conservative..... Ā  So, I think itā€™s about time I figure out what Iā€™m doing. The more that I think about it, a job sounds preferable. But it has to fit in with my therapy schedule now, too. But, doing adoptions and YCH commissions wouldnā€™t be bad, either. I can charge a lot for those and the stress of finding a pose or whatnot would be minimized. If I could make a species people liked enough, Iā€™d basically be able to just make multiples of the same character with enough modifications that theyā€™re their own person at that point. So. Ā  Iā€™m getting anxious thinking about this. I like how my response to all of this is embarrassment, and that I canā€™t help being like,Ā ā€œAh, itā€™ll be fine, moneyā€™ll show up, I just have to wait it out.ā€ But until my dad passes on, thatā€™s not gonnaā€™ happen. Not like when my mom dies that Iā€™ll be getting anything but debt and obligation,Ā ā€œlolā€. And I really donā€™t want to wait on someone to die to get money, right. I really donā€™t want to be scraping as I wait. Iā€™ve thought about applying for disability-- I know when push comes to shove that I canĀ work, but the intensity of anxiety attached to it is so severe... But Iā€™d rather not use that unless I really need it. Food stamps, though. Thatā€™s not a bad plan. Thatā€™d cover a huge amount of my expenses. So, weā€™ll see. Ā  My medication isnā€™t going great. I mean, Iā€™m not constantly thinking Iā€™m going to die, but my sexual dysfunction and motivation are saaaaapped. Plus, the increase in tinnitus, the weight gain (if thatā€™s attributed to anything other than the lack of motivation which includes me eating poorly), the headaches, the intestinal stuff... I feel like 20 mg was way more effective than 40 mg. But then again, maybe Iā€™ve also gone past the placebo effect or the initial bubble. But I need to keep riding it out. I mean, I have to get another psychiatrist set up as soon as possible to work on this, yes, but I need to also do what I can now to get shit rolling. Augh.
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