#I miss her imagine what she would have done in season 3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saintslewis · 7 months

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❝ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 | 𝐅𝟏 ❞

pairing: f1 grid (not all) x black fem driver!reader

summary: in which reader takes the f1 pilots to experience her culture and the beautiful country that is South Africa.

warnings: south african slang, cussing, social media environment, mentions of food, borderline chaotic

saint’s team radio 🎀: you have no idea how excited i was to write this. i love my country so so much and to be able to share it with all of you is a blessing. thank you @exotic-iris13 for requesting this! side note, December is in summer so i hope i don’t confuse you! enjoy!

please like, comment and reblog! (i’m watching you)

fc: @/mbbaarrhliii on ig!

tags: @non-stop-imagines @perfecttrashface @mauvecherie-writes @purplelewlew @arshiyuh @yeea-nah @alika-4466 @louvrepool @sheluvsf1

imessage: THE OFFICE 🏎️

y/n: i just got my braids done losers

charlie w a ferrari: but the season’s over, we won’t see it :(

carlito: plus didn’t you already have them done last month?

landinhoooo: no guys december braids usually mean a vacation, so where are you going? 🤨

y/n: firstly, you know wayyyy too much about the braids thing 😭

honey badger: that was oddly specific i have to say, lan

yukibae: yeah that was weird

landinhoooo: wtv 🙄 where are you going, y/n!

y/n: my mother is requesting the presence of all of you so you’re all coming back home with me 🤭

carlito: mi vida, wouldn’t that be too soon? winter break just started

kika’s bf: also how would it work? accommodation, transport, all those things

y/n: are you saying no to an african mother?

lew <3: guys say yes, she’ll show up to your house and force you

alexander!: not to mention it’s summer that side (she kidnapped one of my cats, say yes)

princess george: okay, let’s say we all go. what is going to happen?

y/n: i’m just saying, you haven’t lived if you haven’t never experienced a South African summer

mad max: I don’t know, y/n. just please don’t guilt trip us

mickey schumi: i can already feel her frown from here

y/n: i was going to pay for everything but since none of you want to go, i’m saving money 🤭

landinho: wait

kika’s bf: wait hold on

charlie w a ferrari: why didn’t you say so in the first place?!

honey badger: now that you’ll be our sugar mommy, ofc we’ll all be there

princess george: that clears out so much

y/n: you guys are a bunch of IDIOTS

alexander!: there has to be a catch???

landinho: ALEX SHUT UP WE’RE GOING ON A FREE TRIP

carlito: we’ll even dance to that one music playlist of yours

y/n: all of you have to wear my merch next season and you’ll let me win two races back to back

mad max: now y/n-

y/n: uh oh! looks like max is paying for everything!

charlie w a ferrari: JUST SAY YES

mad max: okay, you’ll win two races and i’ll slow down

princess george: i just did some quick research and y/n, you’re seen as a national treasure??? and lewis is considered Nelson Mandela’s grandchild??

y/n: well, yes! don’t question my country, okay? 🫶🏽

yukibae: yes ma’am 🫡

oscahhh: i went for a run, what did i miss??

landinho: we’re going on a trip and y/n is paying 😝

honey badger: except max, he’s paying for his own things

mad max: i’m not??

y/n: three races and i’ll get you a new console

kika’s bf: CAN I HAVE ONE??

landinho: NOOO I NEED ONE, PLS Y/N

y/n: we all earn millions every race??? get it yourself????

kika’s bf: i’m going to tell kika you’re bullying me

y/n: she’s coming on the trip too along with all the other wags 🤭

yukibae: and where’s YOUR wag, y/n? 🤨

y/n: yuki shhh pls i’ll literally buy you an island

charlie w a ferrari: NUH UH YUKI TELL US

landinho: yuki what do you know

princess george: whoever isn’t y/n’s wag, say so RN

everyone: NOT ME

lew <3: damn

landinho: I KNEW ITTTTTT

honey badger: IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW AHHH

alexander!: I HAVE TO GO TELL LILY

oscahhh: have you guys never seen them interact in the media pen? it’s like they’ve been married for 27 years

logang: and how do YOU know that

oscahhh: mate, you told me

y/n: 🙄

y/n: go pack for this trip before i shave your eyebrows 🫶🏽

y/n’s instagram story

seen by kehlani, ferrari and 34,282,722 others

“There’s no way you got cars for all of us.” George and everyone else really couldn’t believe that the lengths you went through to make this trip as perfect as you could. “Not to mention booking out the Four Seasons!” Carmen interjected, walking next to her boyfriend.

You watched as everyone filed into the Mercedes vans waiting for them on the airport runway where the large jet had landed. You couldn’t believe you got everyone to come to South Africa in the first place but guilt tripping them had worked a charm, complaining that you don’t have a home race and that your mom would be pissed.

Very easy to fool these guys.

The skies of Johannesburg weren’t all too clear but you could tell that it was summer. Deciding to rather catch up with everyone at the hotel a bit later, you used a private exit to the airport so that you could visit your mom and sister before anything else. Plus you knew a big deal would’ve been made if you had announced that you were coming home so posting will do for now.

“Bathong, where are your friends? I thought you’d all come here.” Your mother said whilst setting up the extremely long table in her backyard so you were sat on a pool chair just watching her.

bathong - more of an expression of confusion or shock

“It was going to look suspicious if i came here with all these people with the same vans following each other.” You replied. “I booked the Four Seasons, it should be big enough for all of us.”

“Oh okay, that’s fancy. So where’s your boyfriend?” Your mom asked with a grin on her face that earned a head shake from you.

“Ukuphi uLerai?” Where’s Lerai? (younger sister)

“Usaseskholeni. Unfuna ukuyomlanda?” Your mom replied. She’s still at school. Do you want to go fetch her?

“Yeah, i want to surprise her. So let me go and I’ll see you later when I drop her off.” You stood up, saying goodbyes to her as your mom went about what she doing.

Hopping in one of your various cars that you kept in your mother’s garages, you quickly texted your boyfriend when an idea popped in your head.

imessages!

y/n: do you want to cause a bit of chaos

lew <3: sigh

lew <3: what kind?

y/n: i’ll pick you up rn and we’re going to pick my sister up from school 😝

lew <3: should i be scared?

y/n: slightly, see you in a few 😚

To say you caused a bit of chaos would be an understatement. You hadn’t realised that your sister’s school was huge and this whole time, you forgot what you and your boyfriend did for a living. Picture this: a Lamborghini Urus parked outside where many high school kids are obsessed with it, you and Lewis stepping out to call your little sister, kids recognise you two, you apologise to your sister with ice cream.

You end the day off with lounging in the room with your boyfriend, laughing at the reactions of your fans to the news of you being in the country. You had planned this whole visit out, wanting everyone to get their rentals tomorrow morning then taking them everywhere.

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, bellahadid and 937,728 others

yourusername home 🇿🇦

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user there’s no fucking way, YOU’RE BACK??

yourusername and i’m with my FRIENDS 🤭

youryoungersister a facetime would be nice next time 🧍🏽‍♀️

yourusername well, no!

landonorris y/n, what is a kota?

yourusername if you’re up for it, we can get some today

georgerussell okay but what IS it

yourusername DON’T WORRY

georgerussell I’M WORRIED

carlossainz55 you didn’t say it was going to be this hot

charles_leclerc she warned us mate 😭

danielricciardo btw max is still hanging out with that cat he found at breakfast

lilymhe i’m obsessed with this place, i never want to leave

francisca.cgomes you’re still in the hotel room 🫤

alexandrasaintmleux i just googled gold reef city, CAN WE GOOO PLS

alex_albon WHATS THAT

loganseargent IT’S AN AMUSEMENT PARK

user i just drove in the four seasons driveway, guys there are so many cars lined up for them 😭

user she comes to the country when i decide to LEAVE??

dbngogo stfu you’re back? 🥹 come to Konka 🫵🏽

landonorris WHAT’S THAT

dbngogo it’s a nightclub 🤭

sza CAN I JOIN Y’ALL

yourusername ofc bae

lewishamilton there’s a flower bouquet that says Mandela’s grandchild for me 🧍‍♂️

user oh fuck he knows the joke

georgerussell told you

f1 y/n bring back our drivers 😣

yourusername bring back kyalami then we’ll talk

user oop-

SOWETO

south western township

Not wanting to waste any time, Y/n scooped up her friends to visit her hometown, where she grew up and dreamed of this very moment.

The convoy of extremely expensive cars that sped through the route to Soweto had caught the attention of many people, including the news that announced your arrival.

Briefing the boys (and the girls) on their menu choices of your favourite foods, they all equally decided that they’ll start training when they get back home. With the food place being right across a park with a large parking lot, it was convenient for you.

Being the host for this whole trip, you went ahead and ordered for everyone, speaking through the hole in the wall to specify orders and paying a hefty price including drinks. You watched as all your friends climbed out of their respective cars, leaning and sitting on the hoods of the cars as they all bonded. The vibrant atmosphere of your home country made everything feel like summertime.

Getting help carrying all that food to the group, everyone took their orders and observed them. “So, amagwinya are fat cakes, they’re very filling. A Kota is a uncut loaf of bread with stuff inside like hot chips, sausages and other things that you can specify for your Kota.” You explained, everyone immediately digging in and their faces said it all.

“And for you, Lew, you can have the fat cakes and the hot chips. I have to say, you’ll be full for the entire day.” You turned to your boyfriend who gave you a kiss before trying the food.

Later that day, dinner at your mother’s was a success, everyone finishing their plates and sharing different stories under the Johannesburg stars.

The next day was filled with fun activities, hitting up the amusement park Gold Reef City then late night karting, the friendship between everyone was growing as smiles never left their faces.

a week later

yourusername

liked by patooward, mclaren and 3,728,912 others

yourusername south africa my baby, it’s been amazing 🇿🇦

view comments

landonorris take me back (we’re checking out of Four Seasons)

danielricciardo and what about your gf that you met? 🤨

landonorris she’s coming to the next race 🫡

maxverstappen33 three wins and that’s it

yourusername do you want me to tell on you to my mom?

maxverstappen33 no 😨

charles_leclerc i need another kota

alexandrasaintmleux we’re actually shaking for one right now

yourusername askies 🤣 sorry

loganseargent never thought i’d ever be an avid lover of amapiano

user what multiverse are we in that Logan, the most american person to ever exist, is saying this

user it’s the South Africa effect baby 😝🇿🇦

lewishamilton can we come here every winter break?

carlossainz55 can we please? all my joy is at Gold Reef City

alex_albon i just want her mother’s cooking again, changed my life

f1 y/n, what did you do to our drivers

yourusername if you add kyalami to the calendar, you’ll know 😚

lilymhe someone gave me a painting of you and i will be hanging it in my home

francisca.cgomes to complete the shrine

landonorris to our Sugar Mother Y/n

yukitsunoda i got all the recipes, i’m ready

yourusername we need 20 kotas stat! 🫵🏽

oscarpiastri even your money looks so cool 😭

user if this is not the greatest representation of our country, i don’t know what it is

mercedesamgf1 can we join next time? 😔

yourusername no

tyla I LOVE YOU

yourusername I LOVE YOUUUU

saint’s notes: ahhhhhh hope y’all enjoyed! mwah 😝 i tried but it feels sorta rushed?? idk, let me know

#saint writes #☆ ‧₊˚ saint’s media pen #f1 x black!reader #f1 imagines #f1 x you #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #formula one x black reader #x black reader #x black fem reader #black!reader #south africa with saint!#Spotify

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foreverisntenough · 4 months

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‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, smut (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, self doubt, body image, mention of the word ‘daddy,’ kind of angsty, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

- this chapter contains mentions of body image issues -

Chapter 11 - More of You | ‘Ours’

You tucked Teddy into her car seat. She was a little fussy but it was fine. This is what you and Trent had discussed. Spending more time together was important so you planned to drive with Trent to training this morning, Teddy in tow. She wasn’t the best in the car you thought it was mostly due to the fact that Trent was focused more on the road than her. As weeks went on your insecurity about her preference to Trent and indifference about you only continued to grow. You dropped him off at AXA and he said goodbye to you with a kiss as you got out of the car to switch seats to drive home. A tearful Teddy pulling on his heart strings as he walked into the building. You got home and you needed to give her a bath. This season had flown by. Having a child just made the days blur together and tomorrow was suddenly the last home match. To your surprise, Teddy actually really enjoyed baths, you wanted her to like them. It was much easier to do things when she enjoyed them. It was obviously important to keep her clean. You gently lowered her chubby tanned skin into the infant tub. Most of her body and face well above the water for safety. You poured warm water over her frequently to keep her from getting cold. You felt like you were constantly walking on eggshells around Teddy though. Anything to keep her happy, anything to get her to like you. You washed her with gentle soap and massaged her hair clean. She seemed happy. You plucked her out of the tub and wrapped her up in a fluffy warm towel. She looked adorable. You took a few photos of her now clean and bundled and sent them to Trent. Frankly, you were just relieved you were getting through another day but it was an added benefit when she looked so cute.

‘She’s perfection. Thank you for taking such good care of her. We’re so lucky to have you, mummy 😘’

“Hi…” you giggled as you woke up Sunday morning to Trents lips on your neck.

“Morning, baby. I have to get going but I’ll see you at the stadium.” he whispered in the quiet stillness of the morning. Trent had to head off to meet the team at the hotel down in the city centre before the match. You rolled over to face him and pressed your lips to his.

“Proud of you.” you whispered back and he smiled. Liverpool had a good season. It didn't go exactly to plan but they were finishing in the top 3 and Trent had done a great job his first year as vice captain. You were really proud of him. “Love you, T.” you cooed as he got out of bed and began to get dressed. He winked back at you while he pulled a white long sleeve LFC t-shirt over his head. After he left, you got Teddy up and sat and had breakfast with her. It was another day of mashed fruit, today, bananas. She made a mess. It was becoming a bit messier everytime she ate now as she was getting more accustomed to dictating her own movements and control of her motor skills. It was annoyingly cute to clean it all up every time but you were proud of her for doing her best just the same as you were proud of Trent for doing his.

For the final time this season you pulled the tiny #66 jersey over her curly hair and put her in the matching shorts. Every single time you saw the ‘daddy’ jersey it made your heart skip a beat. Even though you were struggling with your own things you really did love Trent and Teddy’s bond. For your own look, you went for something fairly simple a Loewe tank, a pair of printed Cargo pants, and white trainers. You put your hair back into a sleek bun because lately Teddy was loving pulling on your hair and it was driving you nuts. You brought one of the first Chanel bags Trent had gotten for you. You remember opening the box like it was yesterday. You were sat on your apartment floor in New York with Lauren.

You opened the box and undid the tissue paper painfully slow for her, picking up a dust bag before removing a silver metallic Chanel 22 handbag. Your friend audibly gasped as your hand grazed over the shiny calfskin. Neither of you were strangers to designer items, shopping being a favorite hobby of yours but again… to receive this from a man was different. A card was sat in the box and she grabbed it quickly before you could even try.

It was also the first time he invited you to come see him play at Anfield. Now, you were on your way in a car to see him play three and a half years later with your daughter. Trent’s whole family was there, some of his friends as well. It was nice to share these types of moments with them but also nice to have extra helping hands with Teddy at matches. Marcel loved being with Teddy. You had a built-in babysitter when he was around. He held her in the stands on the final sunny day at the stadium. Thankfully but expectedly Liverpool had won the match. After a few farewells to players that were departing the club you and the whole family made your way down to the pitch. You waited on the touchline next to Dianne holding Teddy. Trent ran over and wrapped his strong arms around you picking you up.

“Another one in the books” you cooed before you gave him a kiss. Trent hugged Dianne and then took Teddy to hold. You walked the perimeter of the pitch as Trent clapped thanking the fans for their support this season.

“Thank you for being so amazing this year.” he whispered in your ear, pulling you closer to him by your hips as you walked. “Couldn't do this without you.” he pressed a kiss into your hair.

“You’d be just fine” you giggled hearing the stadium sing ‘The scouser in our team’ as you processed by them. You took a billion photos. Memories you’d cherish for a lifetime. You held Teddy as Trent stood behind you posing for a photo.

“Did I tell you how good you look today? Almost had me distracted during the match.” Trent whispered cheekily as the photographer snapped away. You turned your head to get a better look at him.

“Don’t lie to me” you teased back. Teddy obviously wasn't going to let you flirt with her dad for long without an interruption. Her tiny hand grabbing Trent’s jersey to pull his attention off of you and to her. “Yes, Teddy girl, Daddy is still all yours, don’t worry.”

“C’mere baby bear” Trent grunted, lifting her up high as she squealed. “I'm still yours, baby.” he pecked your lips with his before he spun around with Teddy eliciting a fit of giggles from her. Trent, Tyler, Marcel, George, and a few other boys hung around on the pitch kicking a ball around. You loved football as much as the next person but truthfully you're not sure there was anyone who loved it more than Trent. He had just played 90 plus minutes and a whole season and that still wasn’t enough. You sat on the grass with Teddy in between your legs watching them for ages. You stayed for a long while out on the pitch with all the families and friends. It was always such a nice way to close out the seasons. It was definitely better if there was the trophy involved but this was still really nice. The club had organized a party after the match at a hotel down in the city centre the team used to meet before home matches. It wasn’t a formal event so you stayed in your clothes, Trent just changing into more comfortable Liverpool gear. You walked into a red decorated room. It was fun and you were happy to be out. You planned on having another good night celebrating with the team.

“This is my fiancé” Trent cooed introducing you to a man that had interviewed him a couple months back. Every time he said the word it felt like he was asking you all over again. When the conversation lulled you looked up at him.

“So we’re telling people, huh?” You giggled intrigued after he boasted all about your proposal to the man.

“Well we’re not hiding it are we?” He laughed pulling you in for a kiss.

A few days later, for one final time you were celebrating the success of this season with the club. The team was hosting a big dinner party for just the players and their immediate families. There were still a lot of people but it was much smaller than the party after the final match. There would be no media or outsiders. Only you and Trent were going. You had decided not to bring Teddy so Dianne had come over to watch her. You wanted to have a fun night out together. It was a fairly formal dinner. You wore a tiny little black Jacquemus dress and a Bottega gold heel. Simple but effective. Trent popped on white knit polo shirt and tan trousers. You were stood at the mirror of your foyer getting one last look before you headed out when he came over. He cheekily squeezed your ass and rested his chin on your shoulder.

“You look way too good. Are you sure you want to go?” he cooed, inspecting the way your tits pressed together held by a flimsy gold metal charm. He ran his warm hands up your exposed back.

“Mmmmm are you sure you want to go?” You spun around and ran your hands over his chest fixing the collar of his shirt. His scent was heavenly. You felt like it sent you into a haze. You weren't sure you wanted to even go when he looked like this. “We could be a little late.” you whispered looking up at him. Trents eyes lit up excitedly until you heard Dianne calling for him. She wanted to double check where something was for the dogs.

“I can't believe I’m saying this but we should probably go.” Trent spoke walking back to meet you at the front door after going to assist his mum. He ran his hands over his face disgruntled that he was essentially turning down your offer to mess about.

“It’s okay, I’m really hungry anyways.” you giggled lacing your fingers with his. “Let’s go pretty boy.” you cooed before you went to say bye to Teddy heading out for the night. You had lied. You sat at a large table next to trent on your one side who kept his hand high on your thigh. You picked sparsely at your food the whole night. To your right, Andy’s wife sat. You’d definitely gotten closer since you moved to Liverpool. She had kids and was a nice confidant when it came to navigating the family and football crossover. You yapped about the engagement as she peppered you with questions about the wedding plans. You definitely had started thinking about things but really had made no movements. As it got later into the evening you started to get a little anxious. Your maternal worries about not saying goodnight to your baby setting in.

“You alright?” Trent asked subtly not wanting to draw attention to you. You looked at him and really could only see her face in his. Even though you felt a tensness about her affection towards you, you still missed Teddy and wanted to be with her.

“I know she’s fine with your mum, I just miss her. I don’t want her getting used to going to sleep without one of us there.” you tried to explain quietly to Trent.

“I understand, but it's just one night, baby. Relax a little.” he tried to comfort you but it kind of felt like the wrong thing to say. His hand squeezed your bare thigh.

“T…” you whined looking at him not really happy with his response. “I need to get home to her. You stay honest. I’m sorry. Do you mind?” you gave him a sad smile. You felt guilty wanting to leave the celebration but you weren't going to be much fun with all this anxiety weighing you down.

“I’ll go with you, yeah? I just want to spend my time with you anyways.” Trent cooed, adjusting his position in his seat as if he was going to stand up right away. You placed your hand on top of his resting on the table. You shook your head ‘no.’

“No, baby. I will see you when you come home. Have fun for me. I want you to have a good night.” you tried to reassure him. He felt uneasy about the whole thing but you were adamant about leaving alone. Andy’s wife gave you a hug goodbye. She understood what you were feeling and after you left she made an effort to tell Trent it was all fine. You went home to Teddy. Dianne was surprised you were coming in alone but she didn’t say anything. Trent had done well and deserved to let loose with his teammates. You sat in Teddy’s nursery listening to the white noise and her tiny snores as she slept peacefully. You were cross legged on the couch and began to rethink your decision. Your heart was much more at ease with eyes on your baby girl but your brain was running rampant at the thought of Trent on a night out. You trusted him wholeheartedly. He had been texting you since the moment you left but you just felt off. You initiated this. You left him. You told him to stay so as you laid in your shared bed, it occurred to you that the feeling of annoyance you were experiencing was completely self inflicted. It bothered you that he was out, having a good time while you were worried about your little girl who no doubt would be more excited to see him in the morning than you. You were jealous.

Trent came home, late, loud and drunk. You shoved your annoyance down and gave in to his incessant need to be closer to you in bed. It wasn’t his fault. You woke up the next morning and went about things as usual. A normal day although not so normal because football was now on pause until preseason began in a few months time and a few England international friendlies that were also on the schedule. You went into your town to get lunch with Trent and Teddy wanting to get out of the house and take advantage of the nice weather. You sat outside at a restaurant and picked at some chips while Trent bounced Teddy on his knee when an older woman had approached your table.

“Just wanted to tell you how gorgeous your family is. She is absolutely stunning. Looks just like her dad.” she smiled complimenting you all. Trent entertained the women as he gushed about how great Teddy was already. You smiled and nodded a long. A tinge of your heart hurting that everyone noting just how much she looked like him and never you. Before you returned home you ran a few errands. You were in the queue at a shop to check out when Teddy began to cry in her pram.

“Hey, hey, teddy girl, what’s wrong?” it was so sudden you didn't understand. She had been so good all day. You picked your head up to look for Trent because you were next in line. Between your crying child and the waiting cashier you were getting overwhelmed. It occurred to you that Trent had stepped out the door to answer a phone call and that was what triggered Teddy’s fit. Daddy had left. You shut your eyes frustrated and sad. You apologized to the cashier. The girl at the register gave you a soft sympathetic smile watching you struggle to pull your credit card out from your wallet as you simultaneously tried to sooth Teddy in your arms.Trent walked back in and rushed over.

“What happened?” he asked inquisitively and confused. He plucked her out of your arms and she began to calm. Her cries quieting, her movements stilling.

“Nothing. It's nothing.” you snapped a little at him. He was so lost. Why were you all of a sudden mad at him? You walked to your car carrying the bags aggressively.

“Let me take them, baby.” He offered seeing you struggle with the weight.

“No” you blurted out again quite harshly.

“Hey… what the hell is going on? What did I do? I thought we were having a good day? Is this about last night? I thought you wanted me to stay, I was doing what you told me to.” he began to ramble as you stood in the car park.

“No! It's not about last night. It's about literally every single night and day.” you began to cry. Trent instinctively pulled you into him. He just wanted to calm you immediately but you had worked yourself up too much. His arms wrapped around you tightly and securely. You heaved against him. “She loves you so much more than me. I don't understand. I carried her for fucking 9 months and all we ever hear is how much she looks like you. I feel horrible.” you pulled away suddenly though realizing what you had just said. “Oh god, I’m fucking terrible. I didn't mean it like that. She’s beautiful, you’re beautiful and I know you do so much for her and us and you deserve all the love she gives you. Ugh!” you sighed frustrated. “I’m sorry. I’m just jealous and it’s making me really sad.” you pouted as the tears continued to run down your face. Trent's face was almost blank; he was so taken aback by the sudden outburst but he wasn't exactly surprised with the way you were feeling. He saw your body language shift every time someone told you Teddy looked just like him, everytime she wanted to be with him, all the times your daughter clung to him every second that he was around her. She refused to let her daddy go, breaking your heart all done with an adorable grin and a soft giggle.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I wish you didn’t feel this way but I respect the fact that you do. It’s been really hard, this adjustment. I can’t do as much for her as you do and I know that. I wouldn't be able to handle this without you, I can’t even feed her the way you can and it kills me when you feel like she’s rejecting you. I know you might not see it or feel it but I know she appreciates you so much. She relies on you. She loves you, baby. I love you. She needs you, I need you.” he cooed, brushing his thumb over your cheek.

“It's not fair, I just want her to smile at me the way she smiles at you. I want her to want me. I do so much for her. She takes up my entire life and then.” your breath started to hitch and rapidly increase. “And then she takes you away from me.” you started crying more.

“Aw, Y/N. C’mon.” he pulled you in for a kiss. “C’mere. No one could ever take me from you. You always have that number one spot. It’s just different, baby. You don’t think I’m jealous you give her all your attention?” he laughed at his own admission.

“I don’t know…you shouldn't be. You’re always mine. She’s just… ours. We have to pay attention to her. You can usually feed yourself, you know? She can’t” you giggled.

“She’s ours but you’re just as important in my life, alright? You make everyday possible. Teddy and I couldn't survive without you and certainly wouldn't be able to laugh if we didn't have you.” he told you earnestly.

“I like those laughs. They’re my favorite sound to hear. I just get envious of how much more she laughs with you.” you hesitantly continued explaining your insecurities to him.

“Well, I’m very funny.” he joked before he picked up Teddy from her pram. “I’m kidding. C’mere, baby bear. We love mummy so much, right?” he asked her and she giggled like she always did with him. “That’s a certified, yes.”

“Okay, can we go home? I’m really embarrassed I just cried in a Waitrose car park.” you hid your face in the nape of Trent’s neck. He laughed a little at you and squeezed your waist before you alll got back into the car to head back to your house. When you arrived you put Teddy down for a nap.

“Do you want to sit out in the back garden? I feel like maybe we should have a longer chat.” you sheepishly asked Trent to come and sit with you. You had to get some things off your chest. You felt so sad you needed to confide in him but you were nervous to confess how you’d been feeling.

“Yeah, course. Go on, I’m following you.” You always envied the way he didn't give off a nervous energy. He was just calm all the time and here you were were practically shaking. “Want to sit with me or do you need the space?” You sat down on a lounge chair across from the couch he was sitting on silently answering his question. “Alright… baby, I love you.” He took a deep breath pausing. He was taking the reins here. As much as you’d been struggling, things had been weighing on Trent as well. “I want to talk here but you’re gonna have to be honest with me. You’re crying in bed at night. I know you're not eating enough, you’re making me nervous and I don’t know how to help you.” Trent’s calm demeanor you so admired dropped as he spoke. He looked at you desperately showing just how concerned he had grown.

“T… I….” you stumbled around the words not sure what to even say. You knew he wasn't oblivious but you had no idea he was even paying attention to certain things especially your eating habits. “I’m sorry” you said, choking back tears.

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to be happy. I thought I was making you happy.” he looked across at you confused and heartbroken. He wanted you to come sit with him but he didn't want to push his luck with your boundaries right now.

“I am just having a really hard time. You give me everything. I promise you make me so happy. I'm so in love with you I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Everything just feels so difficult though. I feel like a stranger in my own body. I feel sick when I look at myself in the shower. I feel like I’m disappointing you.” Your tears began to fall. You watched your hands shake as they rested on your knees.

“Stop… nothing is wrong with you and you could never disappoint me. I wish you realized that you are an absolute dream to me. I wake up everyday in bed with you and I genuinely am amazed I managed to pull you. You’re the most beautiful, loving person. You take such good care of me and Teddy. Baby, I am so in love with you. Please, do not forget that.” he pleaded but you just couldn't hear it. You couldn't wrap your head around it.

“I just don’t feel that way…” you croaked out scared to even admit it. You felt guilty the moment the words left your lips.

“You don’t think I love you?” Trent was immediately put off and offended. He felt his heart drop. “Y/N, I’m being patient here but are you fucking kidding me?” He transitioned into an angrier voice. He was really trying to be supportive but how many times was he supposed to try to convince you he loves you.

“No, it’s not that. I just don’t know why you do. I don’t get it. I'm scared and overwhelmed.” you quivered fearful of his change of tone.

“Scared of what? I just don't know why you can’t accept that I do. I don't get it.” he snapped harshly using your exact phrasing to throw your comments back at you. “Baby, what do you want me to do here?” he sighed, feeling frustrated. “I need you to be healthy. I need to make you happy. How do I do that? I asked to marry you and you said yes but it’s like you don’t believe it” He stared at the ring on your finger catching some of the sun's rays.

“I don't know…” you whimpered, standing up on shaky legs and walking over to him. Even though you were mid fight all you wanted was to be comforted by him. “I’m sorry.” You cried. Laying on him. You sat next to him and pressed your forehead against his arm.

“Come here.” he wrapped you in his loving embrace. “Got to get you to see what I see. I need you to know how amazing you are for yourself, for me, for Teddy. Hmm?” He pulled your forehead off him and pressed his lips to your skin. “You wanna know why I love you? Why I want to marry you, why I wanted a baby with you? I wanted more of you in this world. That's how perfect I think you are. I wanted one more bit of you out there. I have the most beautiful daughter in the whole world and everyone can say she looks like me all they want but that's not the first thing I think of when I look at her. All I see is you. Her nose is just like yours, her laugh is starting to sound just like your childish giggle. The way she feels in my arms reminds me every bit of you. I love her because of how much I love you. And as much as I want more Y/N in the world, I’m selfish and greedy and there’s only one of you to go around so I’m not letting you go. I’m fucking marrying you. You’re mine, baby. All mine, made just for me and I’m made just for you.” You began to cry pressing your lips against his. The summer heat and his words warming your cheeks.

“I love you so much, T. Thank you for loving me.” you waffled

“I’m always going to but I just need you to love you, please. You're hurting my heart here. We’re eating good from now on. Me and you gym dates. Getting this ass in moving.” he squeezed your hip. “None of this water for breakfast. I’m not having my baby girl growing up around it. You’re beautiful and you're perfect and she needs to know that and so do you. I’m not doing enough if you don’t know how gorgeous you are. I think about this body, this face all day. I dream about you even when you're in my arms. You need to know that.” His eyes watered a little with his sincerity looking longingly into your eyes.

“Baby…” you whimpered out cowardly. You felt terrible that he felt he was doing something wrong when in reality this was a problem that had been planted long before you even met him. It was complicated. “The way I feel about myself is a culmination of a lot of time feeling really scant. Social pressures from everyone around me, the people that were supposed to love me, didn’t. I promise you, T, you have healed and helped me in so many different ways. This just isn’t something I can just turn off all of a sudden.” You leaned further into him feeling saddened by your own reality.

“I won’t ever understand but I can try. Just let me in at least. I’ll be here with you. It’s my job to take care of you. Would you want to spend some time in the gym with me? Gainz season, innit?” He squeezed your wimpy bicep teasingly.

“Okay, okay, okay. I’ll go as long as you’re there.” you couldn't help but crack a smile at his persistence as well as some memories you’d had made a few cheeky times down in the gym of your house.

“I’m gonna be there.” he replied, running his hand up your thigh. You knew he was asking you from a perspective of wanting you to feel confident and strong not in an effort to change anything.

“Shirt off, please.” you requested with a giggle, grazing your hand underneath his t-shirt. You dragged your nails over his abs.

“Oh yeah? It's like that now?” You nodded cheekily. He scooped you up as if you weighed nothing. Carrying you into the house.

“Where are we going? It’s nice out.” You complained but not minding being in his hold. It would've been nice to enjoy the weather though but maybe inside wouldn't be so bad.

“You think you can put your hands on me like that and I’m just gonna move on. We’re going inside. You’re going to lay down on the couch f’me” he whispered to you as his lips ghosted over your ear and he began nibbling on your earlobe.

“Really? What am I doing on the couch?” you giggled excited now, definitely not upset you were not staying outside.

“Shirt off, please” he teased, mocking what you said to him before he kissed you. The feeling of his lips on yours sending shockwaves through your whole body.

“Mmmm more.” you pursed your lips for another kiss craving more of him as he walked you inside.

“You wanna know how much I love you?” He cooed, laying you down on the cream colored couch in the big living room. You leaned back into the cushion before you moved forward eagerly towards him.

“I can feel how much you love me…” you practically moaned, grazing your hand over the bulge in his shorts now. He began to peel your clothing off piece by piece. There wasn't much on you to begin with so it didn’t take long. He pushed your legs upwards, bending you in half bringing your knees all the way up to your tits. His mouth watered looking down at your glistening pussy begging for him. Trent dragged his tongue through your drenched folds. He dipped in and out of you. His cock twitched at the way your jaw slacked in pleasure. He began to circle your clit before he pulled away with a cheeky grin. He looked so unfairly gorgeous beneath you. You felt dizzy watching him. Your slick glossing all over his perfect pink pretty pout.

“Tell me what letters you feel, baby.” he commanded you before he dove back into your pussy. A dangerous smile curling on his lips. He dragged his tongue in the form of the letters of his initials on his fiance’s pussy. You moaned out the letters he drew and well, hearing you moan out the initials of what was going to be your own last name soon was simply a bonus.

“T… ah fuck. A… A” you cried out. You weren't exactly as innocent as you presented but you liked when he treated you like you were. You knew exactly what you did to Trent as you pulled on his hair now or when you dragged your nails up his abs moments ago outside.

“Say my name baby.” he cooed and you practically melted. You fell apart. Trent loved you. He loved you so much it almost hurt. Everything about you just shattered him into a million pieces. Watching you cum right now only amplifying that feeling. The way your lips curled into the perfect little smile. He loved the way you whined when he touched your body, the way you reacted to him.

In swift movements, he was aligning his cock with your sopping entrance. His abs rubbed against you, he crushed you blissfully with his weight. He looked down at you fucked out of his mind madly in love with you. He collected enough spit in his mouth before he made you open yours. He spit his saliva into your mouth. You swallowed diligently with a moan.

“Such a good girl f’me.” he gripped your chin looking longingly into your eyes. He loved everything about this. Being in control of you. You letting him control you. You wanting him to control you. He tucked his face in the nape of your neck. He nibbled on your sensitive skin. His hair tickling you. Hoarse grunts escaping him as you soaked him. He hit that spot deep inside you, only he knew. All you could think about was the way he hit that spot again and again, continuously. He felt so good when he dropped his hand between you to rubbing your throbbing clit. He knew how to make you cum and he was going to do it well. “Tell me what I want to hear, baby” he whispered in your ear. Tears ran down your cheeks from pleasure and emotion.

“I know you love me. I know you love me. Fuck! T, you’re gonna make me cum.” you were a total mess beneath him looking gorgeous to him cumming all over his cock. Trent couldn't help himself from stuttering. The sex became sloppy and lovesick. He thrusted into you sporadically. You felt him begin to twitch inside you. “Cum inside me, baby. I want you to fill me up, please. T, Tell me you think I’m sexy.” you begged as you listened to Trent’s breathing became more labored. The knot in your stomach tightened when he spoke again.

“Fucking hell, you’re so sexy. You’re the sexiest woman in the world. Perfect for me. This pussy’s perfect for me. It’s all mine.” You couldn't keep it together any longer when he kissed you passionately. He groaned before he pumped his cum inside of you. “Jesus christ, baby. So good.” he breathed out as his pelvis grinded against your throbbing clit.

“I think I believe you now.” You began to giggle as he buried his face in your tits.

“Yeah, that’s all it took? Which orgasm was it? I particularly enjoyed hearing you as I spelled my initials on your clit.” He breathed heavily on top of you with a cheeky grin.

“T! You laughed embarrassed by his crass bluntness.

“Don’t get all shy on me now.” he cooed, peeling his slightly sticky body off yours. He pressed his lips sweetly to yours. You hummed at the sensation. He ran to the kitchen to get a cloth to clean you up. After he did, you went upstairs and woke Teddy up from her nap. You came downstairs holding her as he sat on the couch since turning the telly on while watching something. You talked to Teddy like you would a girl friend your age.

“I know, and then daddy told me I was beautiful so I kissed him.” You spoke loud enough to her for him to hear you babble on.

“Are you talking about me behind me back?” he sat up on the couch looking at you two lovingly.

“Just telling her how much daddy loves mummy.” you giggled squishing Teddy to you and kissing her cheek. You walked towards him carrying your little girl.

“Glad we’re on the same page then now.” he pulled at your arm dragging you down clumsily falling into him. You laughed carefully checking that Teddy was okay. “I love you.” He kissed your forehead. “I love you.” He kissed Teddy’s forehead. And you knew he did. He meant it.

You fell into the ease of the summer. Things were calm between Trent’s workouts preparing for the upcoming season and Teddy growing up painfully quick. She was almost 9 months old which was insane. Where did all the time go? She could understand instructions and was beginning to imitate your words using gestures. You spent the summer months lazing around trying to get comfortable with your body and motherhood.

Trent had an upcoming England international match. It was an odd one away in Moldova and you mutually agreed it wasn't worth you and Teddy traveling for. It was too much of a fuss. You sat with her before bedtime the day he traveled. When Trent was away the favorite part of his days were when you called with Teddy. A Facetime he just starred into missing you both, screenshotting everytime Teddy did something cute. Which felt like every minute. He had a folder in his camera roll dedicated to just Teddy’s cute little face. Teddy sat on your hip leaving toothless bites on your bare shoulder.

“Can you say night night to dada.” you muttered quietly as she sleepily let out a yawn.

“Miss my girls so much. Gonna watch tomorrow f’me Ted?” You confirmed she would and reminded him of your plans for the next day. You were headed down to London tomorrow to watch the match because Lauren was visiting the city for a brief moment and you wanted to catch her. You had planned to go to a viewing of the game at a pub you agreed upon prior. You were running late as you hurried through the tube station with Teddy getting off near Covent Garden. Lauren arrived before you and was sat at the bar saving a stool for you. You opted to bring Teddy in a baby carrier because it was easier for you to navigate instead of pushing your pram by yourself. You maneuvered your way through the crowded pub. You squeezed Lauren from behind, greeting her.

“Helloooooo my Laur” you cooed taking a seat next to her, a couple on the other side of you sat with matching England kits on.

“Oh my goodness! Hiii!!! Look at this big beautiful girl.” Lauren said, pinching Teddy’s cheek before helping you get her out of the carrier. England’s pre game warm ups flashed across the screen. “Is that daddy?” Lauren asked Teddy as she got settled on your lap.

“Oh isn’t daddy so handsome “ you giggled gawking a little bit at Trent’s physic as he wiped some sweat off his face pulling his jersey up towards his brow revealing his toned abs.

“God, he’s so hot…” Lauren sighed when the camera panned to Jude after Trent passed him the ball. You laughed at her. She leaned her head onto your shoulder. The women sitting next to you laughed as well hearing Lauren’s comment.

“Mood.” she concurred. You all had a little laugh but the mans she was with was a little less than impressed. Trent and Jude seemed to have a polarizing effect on other men. They wanted them on their footie teams, loved them for winning matches but almost loathed them for the way girls flocked and talked about them so blatantly.

“So I’m assuming you’re going to see him after this?” you cooed quieter to just Lauren looking at her. Interested in her plans.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to overstep but are you Y/N?” the girl next to you asked butting in before Lauren got a chance to answer your question.

“Oh, gosh yeah, I am. That’s me.” you were taken aback anytime anyone recognized you. It was still so foreign. You didn’t really merit any recognition of fame but you understood the intrigue people had wanting to know more about Trent’s life.

“I follow you on Instagram! I love you and Trent. You’re the perfect couple.” she cooed. The man with her leaned forward now interested hearing you were in a relationship with Trent. “Is this your daughter?” She asked. You got a little nervous. You had kept Teddy fairly out of the public eye to date.

“Mmmmhmm. This is my Teddy girl.” You cooed, holding her on your lap with one arm smushing a kiss to her cheek. You subtly spun the ring on your finger to turn the diamonds underneath to hide it out of the strangers next to you’s view. You felt really exposed all of a sudden. You wanted to keep the engagement private for the time being. Trent told you weren’t hiding it but you felt scared. You barely even got to celebrate it yet. Things had been so hectic and tense lately. Now didn’t really feel like the best time to put your personal life out there one random day sitting in a pub.

“Is that daddy, baby?” you cooed filming yourself and her on your front camera as the second half began. You panned the camera to show Trent on the screen. She squealed and giggled excited to see his familiar face. You sent the video to him. He responded an hour later once the match had finished. As much fun you had catching up with Lauren, you couldn't wait to get back home just for Trent to walk through the door again. You waited impatiently the next day for him with Teddy in your arms.

“Oh my goodness! Look who’s home! Is it dada?!?!” you cooed softly rocking her back and forth walking towards the font entrance when you heard him. Trent dropped his bag at the door, the way that drove you mad but you couldn't care less at this very moment. You were so happy he was home. Teddy excitedly gasped and kicked in your arms eager to get to Trent but unable to do so on her own. Trent pressed his lips to yours and you felt your heart falter a little. It was the kiss from someone who really, truly loved you. Loved every bit of you and every bit of the little girl he scooped up out of your arms. He kissed her chubby cheeks and pouty lips and she squealed.

“Missed you so much, my beautiful girls.” he cooed, pulling you into him, wrapping you and your daughter in his secure, warm embrace. He held Teddy in between you both as her giggles filled the room as you simultaneously kissed each of her cheeks.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter … 🤍

Next part - Chapter 12 xx

#trent alexander arnold x reader #trent alexander arnold #trent alexander arnold imagines #taa x reader #taa66 #oursfic #footballer x y/n #footballer x reader

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dollypopup · 5 months

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I think a lot of people kind of miss the whole point of Polin.

There's conversation now about whether or not Penelope will accept Colin's proposal at the end of episode 4, and the cliffhanger being his infamous 'For God's sake, Penelope, will you marry me or not?' line from the books. And at first, there was all this buzz about how she'll say no and that's the cliffhanger because what if she picks someone else instead? What if he has to spend Part 2 convincing her?

In fairness to the fandom, that was dashed rather quickly. Firstly, we all know she won't say no to continue some semblance of a love triangle, because Debling is the personification of if flour was a spice, and he's not in part 2. Furthermore, it doesn't make much sense to have part 2 be Colin convincing her, when something much more pressing is hanging above them. Because the fandom caught on quickly as to the real conflict:

Does Penelope say yes to Colin, and continue hiding the fact that she's Lady Whistledown? Does she say no out of concern and part 2 is the unveiling? Or does she say no, and confesses?

And I think in our heart of hearts we already know: Penelope will say yes.

And in doing so, she will lie to him. Hide from him. And Lady Whistledown becomes the guillotine over their heads in part 2.

1: Penelope is on a narrative of self growth in Season 3. All leads are, but Penelope's narrative of growth is specifically to come out of the shadows. To be honest and open and brave in the light with nothing but herself and her own voice. And being those things? Yeah, not her strong suit as a character. It's the biggest pitfall she has, and it will not resolve halfway through. Penelope changes her outward appearance, and it still doesn't bring her full peace. Nicola herself has said that. She changes outwardly, but not inwardly, and that's where the real work has to be done. Lady Whistledown is proof that work has not been committed to. She is the manifestation of Penelope's fears of being herself aloud. A literal anonymous persona that can say what she feels she cannot aloud. Lady Whistledown is Penelope hiding, a wallflower in a masquerade mask. She's not going to be brave enough by Episode 4 to tell Colin. That's a whole season long arc. Furthermore

2: We would *all* say yes. All of us. We would all lie and hide in her circumstances. Here is the man she loves, who she has loved for years, coming to her and saying he wants her and cares for her and wants to marry her. She's not putting that in jeopardy. She says no to Debling (thank god, the man's an NPC in every definition of the word, Penelope deserves better) and so her options have narrowed, and really, she only *ever* wanted Colin. He has always been the ultimate desire of her heart. So she says yes to Colin. She wants to and she will. She wants *him*, and now she can have him. And in doing so, she fully solidifies herself as Marina's parallel. WHICH IS THE POINT.

2. a. sidequest: Marina is a vital part of Polin's story, but the fandom has missed that point. Instead of seeing what she as a character was meant to represent in their grand narrative, the fandom has instead demonized her. But in the same way Debling is a plot device to Polin's love story, so was Marina. Now, Marina at least got her own narrative, unlike Debling, who ONLY exists to be a plot point, but this is an analysis of Marina as a player in a narrative that isn't her own. I think Marina is a wonderful character, and I have a lot of sympathy for her, but the fandom saw her and villainized her. Which is SO not the point of her role in Polin's love story. The writers are all but slapping us in the face about that. EVERY character has sympathy for Marina. The narrative wants us to understand she was in difficult circumstances and did what she thought was best as a vulnerable young woman to survive. Which is the same, I imagine, it will do for Penelope in Season 3.

No, Marina's purpose in that particular narrative was to prove who Colin is as a suitor and a potential romantic match. That Colin is warm and open hearted, he is caring and empathetic, he is romantic, and most importantly, Colin is *forgiving*. When he says he would have married Marina regardless of her life altering and reputation ruining secret, that is to set him up for marrying Penelope regardless of her life altering and reputation ruining secret!!! That is the *whole* point!!!

And just like Marina, Penelope hides her truth from him, in fear of losing all that she has. I hope that kind of parallel FINALLY inspires some sympathy in our fandom for both these women, who, in Ruby Barker's wonderful words, are just players in a crappy game.

3: Even in being a sympathetic choice, it is still a cruelty she commits unto Colin. Because up until that point, they really don't owe each other much of anything. Yes, they have a friendship, and that comes with expectations, but in accepting a proposal, she owes him honesty. And she cannot give that to him. Colin lays all his cards down on the table for her to see, and she keeps her own hidden. Just like Shonda said, this becomes a relationship built on the foundation of a lie. It's the cracking open of that lie that finally allows them to be a fully realized couple. Colin loves a version of Penelope that isn't fully real, just like Penelope loved a version of Colin that wasn't fully real. An idealization of their selves. His temper, how he can sometimes say the wrong thing, his jealousy, his bitterness: she does not KNOW these things. But Whistledown unearths them. Just like he doesn't see *her* jealousy and bitterness, her temper, and how SHE can say and do the wrong thing. And, once more, *Whistledown unearths them*. They're not a happy perfect couple by the end of Part 1, because she lies to him. She accepts his proposal, and in doing so, she starts the clock. Tick Tock, how long does it take to tell him?

4: She doesn't tell him. I am fully of the mind that he has to find out on his own that she's LW. Perhaps Eloise sets a time limit for her, that she HAS to tell her brother (she's afraid, of course. what if he's mad? what if he doesn't want to marry her anymore?) (and what of him? what of Colin? does he not deserve to know?), or she'll tell him herself, but Penelope will likely try and then shrink back. She *wants* to tell him. I think that'll be the crux of Part 2. She wants to be honest with him, but she's afraid. So, like most of us when it comes to difficult circumstances, she'll hold off on it. And hold off on it.

Until he finds out on his own.

5: He'll find out on his own. And he will be *brutally betrayed by the news*. Not necessarily that she's LW, though that's a gut punch in and of itself, but more so that she kept it from him. That they've been intimate together, and bare with each other, and that she kept it from him. Keeping it from him as a friend is considerably different than keeping it from him as a lover and a fiance. They will be sharing a life together. A name, a home, and any punishments that befall her. The *Queen of England* is in her pursuit, she is, essentially, tying him to her in all events with the binding of marriage, and he sinks or swims with her. That's a pretty hefty thing to keep from a partner. And on top of it, he'll be hurt by the *lies*. That she could not confide in him. That he told her the truth, but she couldn't tell him the truth, and that will be painful. When it came to marrying Marina, it wasn't the pregnancy, the circumstance itself that he felt was a betrayal, but the lie. Same with Penelope: it isn't that she's Lady Whistledown, it's that she kept it from him. She also slagged him off plenty in it if rumours are anything to go by, and that (SPOILER) at the end of Episode 1, she trash talked him in the article right after they made amends, and is relatively horrified that she wrote it in anger and it was published after everything smoothed over. Even still, she has hurt him with that publication, too. It's a firestorm of things for him to be upset by.

6: And he still marries her. Here is a woman who has arguably hurt him the worst, done a greater harm and insult to him than anyone else, and he chooses to still marry her. Because he's angry, but he loves her. She betrays him and insults him and lies to him, but he loves her. She knew him, got close to him, let him speak to her of things that he would blush to speak to with anyone else (that line from S2 was WILD Colin, I see you, trusting boy), and she slags him off in her public article, and she pretends like she has nothing to hide, and she says yes to him even though she knows he doesn't like LW and that she'll have to tell him eventually, and what does Colin do? He forgives her. He forgives her and he asks her to stay and he loves her. He's jealous of her success, and he's upset that she lied to him, and he absolutely blows up. But after all that facade is stripped away, after all the lies and secrets are flayed aside and they are just Col and Pen, who are imperfect people with a hell of a devotion to each other, they know they're living a really beautiful love story. No pretenses, no pretend, just him, and just her, in the light, holding hands.

Because the whole point of Polin is being seen. Being seen and being accepted. Sometimes, you don't like what you see of a person. Penelope didn't like all she saw of Colin, and Colin won't like all he sees of Penelope, but they come to appreciate those parts of each other because in loving one another, they recognize that these imperfect, unsavory aspects of them make them who they are. And so they come out of it stronger.

So yes, Penelope says yes. Yes, Penelope lies to him. And yes, we'll have debates about it when Part 1 comes out, of 'she would never do that to him!!!' or 'well, she did it for xyz and oueyigohp;wfnd'

but in the end, I think it makes the most sense that she has to make this fuck up (and it is a fuck up, absolutely it is) so that they can grow from it. In the same way he had to fuck up so they can grow from it.

And that's the whole point.

#polin #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #bridgerton #bridgerton s3 #media comprehension and analysis is alive and well and i'm here to prove that #'but dolly it isn't that deep' IT IS DEEP TO ME!!!! IT IS DEEP IF I WANNA MAKE IT DEEP #and also it is absolutely that deep #polin my beloved #the fandom does a disservice to the beauty of this couple but i see you my darlings I SEE YOU

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outmakingmoonshine · 3 months

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Why does it kinda lowkey feel like Claire is to Sydney what Francie Fak is to Nat?

I'm sorry but this season told me Sydney could not care less about Claire or her having a place in Carmy's life whatsoever and I can only imagine if she did voice her opinions out loud it would sound a lot like how Nat speaks about Francie Fak.

Gif credit

The face Syd made and her response when Carmy mentioned Claire in 3x01 spoke volumes and It's absolutely reasonable that Syd thinks Carmy's so messed up this season bc he misses Claire but she doesn't ask him about it once.

She asked about Chef Terry twice, was very sympathetic in 3x05 and even tried to comfort him and make put a positive light on it when she saw he was down about Ever's funeral in 3x09. But she didn't say anything about Claire all season. She asked if he was ok a few times in regards to his mental state in S3 but she wouldn't go near the subject of Claire with a 10-foot pole!

This story is obviously going to end with Syd & Carmy finding some kind of deep lasting connection with each other, what would be the point of all the miscommunication and struggle to connect between them that's been a central part of their story for 3 seasons if it's not? And as it stands in the story right now, that wont be happening as long as Claire is around. If they wanted a Carmy&Claire with Syd as the platonic partner ending, Claire and Syd needed to be besties and that needed to happen when she was introduced in S2. But obviously Claire and her presence in Carmy's life is a big issue for Syd and I don't think that's gonna miraculously change anytime soon. Even if it did happen next season it's wont feel genuine or earned like every other real friendship in this show anyway.

Sidenote: While writing this I just read this amazing post by @thoughtfulchaos773 with some great observations and discussion by @currymanganese & @vacationship, please go check it out. Thank you to all of them!

Even Cicero seemed surprised by Syd's sage wisdom in 3x05. Whether she's never been in a relationship or not she could definitely give Carmy some kinda advice on Claire, even just to ask if he's ok after what happened or wants to talk about it. Especially bc the way he's acting this season seems like it's because of her and it's making their relationship and Syd's work-life harder...but she doesn't bring it up. Not one single time. It's interesting that she checked in with him and asked if he was ok about almost everything else that was clearly wrong all season, except Claire. But apparantly they have a "platonic intimate friendship" right? So why wont she talk to him about the thing that's clearly bothering him??!

Syd doesn't care about that relationship or want it to work out. And now I've read that post above, despite her obvious personal feelings for Carmy I think Syd clocked Claire's mean girl vibe in 2x05, the same way Claire clocked the vibe between Carmy & Syd. She knows Claire isn't good for Carmy otherwise even despite her feelings, I think she'd at least ask if he was ok after everything that happened and everyone hounding him about it. But all season she basically acted like Claire never even existed.

Syd should've put a stop to Carmy's nonsense in 3x02 when she was all the way done with him over the non-negotiables, she knew he was going way overboard then but she didn't stop him because that's how he was coping and it meant he'd be in the kitchen spending time with her which is how she's been trying to help him since the beginning. "Being there" like she told Cicero. It was slowly starting to work in 2x02 as well, Carmy was in a much better place mentally. If only Claire hadn't come along.

#all S3 syd said “claire who? I don't know her”#she's so real for that tbh #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #sydcarmy #sydcarmy meta #the bear season 3 #nat berzatto #francie fak #the bear fx #the bear meta #anti claire bear

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quotergirl19 · 8 months

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A season 3 conversation between Colin & Eloise:

Colin: You may be able to walk away from Penelope forever because she has done something that you do not approve of or that you cannot understand, but I am not so fickle hearted. I will not abandon her. I will do everything in my power to try and understand why she has done the things she has done, and to try and move past her faults and mistakes because I know her heart and she is a good person. I cannot imagine my life without her. How can you be so quit to forget years of loyal friendship? Are you truly so disloyal?

Eloise: You call me disloyal!? Do you even know what she has done? Do you have more faith in Penelope than in your own sister?

Colin: I do. She is our oldest and dearest friend, and I know how stubborn you can be.

Eloise: You might feel differently if you knew what I know.

Colin: I know that my life is colder and darker without Penelope in it. I imagine you must miss her. I was traveling for months and I thought of her often and deeply missed her friendship. Why are you so unwilling to talk things out so you can forgive and move past—

Eloise: Ask her yourself!! Only do not be surprised when she won’t tell you because she keeps secrets and cares nothing for the pain she causes others.

Colin: Of course she cares! I have never mentioned this before because I knew you would probably never let me live it down but she warned me about Marina. I just refused listen and Penelope hates that she chose to be disloyal to her own family to save me from being tricked into a lifelong commitment with someone who was willing to lie to me and make me her fool. I may have decided to forgive Marina’s actions but make no mistake, it took a very long time for me to do that and I honestly believe it was only possible because she was thwarted. Penelope acted out of desperation and fear of what would become of me if she didn’t stop the wedding and I can honestly say that I am grateful because I was being impulsive and reckless. She hates herself for hurting Marina!

Eloise: She— wait, you know!?

Colin: Yes! I also know that what she did saved Daphne from Nigel Berbrooke and you from your own foolishness! Thinking you could lie to the Queen and get away with it!? All because you decided to ignore every rule of propriety to see a print shop boy who might have ruined you and our entire family! And you think Penelope is the only one in the wrong!? I think it’s time you looked in the mirror Eloise, and be honest with yourself about the part you played in everything that happened.

Eloise: Why would she confide in you but not me?

Colin: Because I allowed her the chance to explain. You should consider doing the same. Especially since you’re about to be sisters.

Eloise: You can’t be serious, you don’t want to marry Penelope. You’re too busy flirting and traveling the world so you can bore us all with your stories.

Colin: I can still travel with a her. In fact, I’ll be grateful for the company and flirting with Penelope is something I particularly enjoy. I have asked her to marry me and she has consented to be my wife. So I encourage you to mind your tongue and be civil because nastiness and hostility directed at my bride will not be tolerated, sister.

Eloise: Oh my god… do you love her, brother?

Colin: With everything I am and everything I will ever be. We understand each other, we’re truly happy to know we will always be together. Please, make things right Eloise. Do it for me and for yourself, and do it for Penelope. She misses you, and I know you’ve missed your friend. Talk to her.

#quotergirl mini fic #Bridgerton #polin #eloise bridgerton #Colin Bridgerton #netflix bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 speculation #bridgerton netflix #penelope featherington #penelope x colin #colin x penelope #lady Whistledown

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tgammsideblog · 6 months

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Missed potential for June Chen

So, because June had very few episodes exploring her character in Season 2 and Season 3 got cancelled, she didn't get much screentime to develop as a character like Ollie did.

Here are some things i think that could have been explored with her character in the series (or for fanfics ideas if you wish)

Starting with one that the show was setting up, June could have had episodes of her trying to learn more about ghost nature and culture to see how they work. ¨The Grand Gesture¨ explored this idea somewhat and i think it could have taken an interesting direction for the show, what is more it would have been a different journey from the one Ollie had in Season 2 and later in Season 3 as Chairman.

It could have been a great way to learn more about Ghost World lore too, like wraiths, for instance. The idea of June studying ghosts could opened some fun and interesting plot episodes for the show.

Another thing is that her relationship with Scratch would have been a cool thing to see. Unlike with other characters, Scratch seemed to take a liking in June very quickly. It could have been funny seeing June asking ghost things to Scratch and him answering wrong. They both share similar personalities like being introverted and honest. I believe Scratch, Darryl and June could have made a fun dynamic overall.

Another thing is that we didn't get to see much of June's relationship with Ollie and her parents. I would have appreciated see how Ruben and Esther act around Ollie vs around June. What differences are there. Is June closer to Ruben or to Esther? Do Ollie and June often have some sibling fights? How does their relationship contrasts to Molly and Darryl's?

June being autistic could have been another interesting aspect to explore on a deeper level. Maybe she could have had moments she feels like Ruben and Esther misunderstand her but at the end of the day they want to be supportive of her the best way they can. How they try helping June with school is something that had some conflict potential. Does June struggle with her notes at school? Do Ruben and Esther start to believe that Darryl sometimes can be a bad influence to June? Does June struggle in making friends at school? It is weird that we never get to see scenes of her going to school, unlike Ollie. Some have pointed out that it would have been nice to see some of them.

Another character that June could have had a fun dynamic is with Libby. Out of the recurrent characters, Libby is the one that has the most things in common with June. They are both logical, intelligent and like to learn about the world around them. Libby has a more artist mind while June has more of scientific mind. I believe they could have had moments where they teamed up or changed information they have found about ghosts. Maybe they could have disagreements on how they view things. Libby could have gotten June invested in reading some of the books she is fan of and have scenes of them talking about said books together. I imagine it could have been fun seeing them coming up with a story on their own together.

Well, here are some ideas that i think the series could have done with June if she have had more episodes about her and it hadn't been cancelled so early. I believe that she is a character that has cool things that could be worked with if executed properly.

#the ghost and molly mcgee #tgamm #june chen #libby stein torres #ollie chen #Tgamm chens #Tgamm season 2 #tgamm analysis

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our-happygirl500-fan · 1 year

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Members of the Rise team have hinted that Big Mama’s Assistant was meant to be one of the Turtles missing siblings & there has been speculation on the possibility that Big Mama’s Assistant is the Rise version of Venus.

Since we have yet to get season 3 we can only speculate on what her dynamic with the other Turtles would have been like but I kind of made a relationship dynamic chart on what I image their dynamics could have possibly been like.

Raph:

With Raph, I kind of imagine that Venus & Raph might not know what to do with each other, with Raph being unsure about a new sibling that was raised by Big Mama but still wanting to be a brother to her & Venus not really knowing what to do with going from an only child to having four brothers.

Something kind of fun about the Venus & Raph dynamic is that Venus has appeared in a Raph focused episode when she showed up in the episode Raph’s Ride Along.

Big Mama: It’s the key to my upcoming Battle Nexus Wizbang. Guard it carefully

I have seen some people wonder if Big Mama’s Assistant would have the same accent that Big Mama does due to being raised by her & I kind of like the idea, though I think one of the Turtles would probably comment on it

Leo:

With Leo, I kind of imagine Venus & Leo possibly having an almost antagonistic relationship with each other at first or at least one where they bicker with each other

For Venus she might be a bit wary of Leo due to Leo arguably being the Turtle that most regularly gets in the way of Big Mama’s plans, especially with Leo being able to outmanoeuvre Big Mama in the episode Many Unhappy Returns

Leo: Just the Spider I was coming to gloat to

Big Mama: I am not one to be outmanoeuvred my turtle boo. Well done.

On Leo’s side Leo might possibly be wary of Venus due to Venus working for Big Mama who has been the Turtle’s enemy in the past.

Ashe Jacobson once made a joke about Leo talking about Venus then same way Jean Ralphio talks about his sister which possibly paints a picture of Leo holding a grudge against Venus for working with Big Mama similar to how he holds a grudge against Draxum for throwing him off a roof

Donnie:

Due to Venus’ character having a lot of connection to magic & mystic powers in other iterations of TMNT it’s possible that the Rise version of Venus might have a preference towards magic as well which might lead to some friction with Donnie due to his previous insecurity of magic vs science.

Mikey:

If the Rise version of Venus does have a strong connection to magic & mystic powers then it could possibly make for an interesting dynamic with Mikey due to Mikey’s own strong mystic powers.

Either way Mikey would possibly be ecstatic to have another sibling & similarly to how he was the first one to welcome Draxum into the family Mikey might be the first one to welcome Venus into the family as well.

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #venus de milo #big mama's assistant #raphael hamato #leonardo hamato #donatello hamato #michelangelo hamato #rottmnt #tmnt

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sgiandubh · 1 year

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Jottings: Season 7, episode 8. Just fucking try me

By TPTB's Sovereign Decree, this season is - as we all know - split in two, which proved to be at the same time abysmally disrespectful to ***'s subscribers, frustrating - to say the least- to Netflixers, but involuntarily prescient, given the current SAG-AFTRA stalemate. The protracted strike scenario (still a possibility) would have truly flunked OL, drowning it in a sea of irrelevance and effectively making all promo impossible. So, let us count our blessings and bide our time: it ain't over till the fat lady sings. For the time being, we are still haunted by Sinéad's moving huskiness. For the sake of speculation only, I wonder if they are going to stick with this option until the official end of Season 7, as an homage of sorts. Or promote somebody else, while time and space are still available to do so.

You are definitely going to need tissues for this one. And any random type of your favorite comfort food. It is intense. It is almost impeccable. SS & RR sketches are tolerably short. S is supercalifragilistic. C is giving it her all and she is just perfect. And all the rest are flawless. So, pardon the sarcasm deficit and perhaps also my less fluid quill: you surely know, by now, my struggle with encomium is real.

The bonnie wee swordsman moment immediately brought to this book outsider's mind the exceptional fanfic author on AO3. So, if you still missed Flood My Mornings, by some obscure glitch in the Matrix, do give it a try. It is one of my top 3 , with #1 being @zeya-zg's TRS (it packs a punch, takes great risks and does so with grace). And yes - blasphemy ensues - the swordsman's fic is simply better than Herself in so, so many ways. A good starting point for a Droughtlander of undetermined amplitude (what in the name of hoo-ha is 'the story continues next year' supposed to mean?), for example. But I digress.

With Saratoga 2.0 in plain, inevitable sight, I incorrectly presumed we would see the blue light mojo - is it in Bees...? more plausibly so - and I am glad C saved JAMMF's finger. My sick mind did try to imagine a mutilated limb at some point in time, failed to do so and had to reboot entirely. I am grateful to the writer for having spared me a potential ordeal, in this respect. I am, however, less grateful to the same writer for butchering up to the point of no return the very delicate scene between Rachel Hunter and Young Ian, who initially fail to get their (impossibly to reach) bearings. It feels contrived at first, reads as injudicious as trying to become proficient in Thai after spending three hours on Duolinguo and jumps on the storyline's windshield out of virtually nowhere. The main weak point of this season (spare SS/RR's endless death row sojourn) has to be the blatant injustice done by the writers to characters I wanted to see and hear more of: the Hunter siblings, Buck Mackenzie and yes, William himself.

Speaking of William, there is an epic but fleeting moment outside Simon Fraser's tent, just after Jamie gives him his tricorn hat, that made me wonder out loud. Who are you, first and foremost, Ellesmere: a courtier? a soldier? a son? All three avatars briefly cross his face and if that is not prowess, I don't know what is. Enthusiastic kudos, again.

Cynical, lunatic, despicable me ugly cried three times in a row. Laudanum. Simon Fraser. The Scottish shores. That is a lot for one single intake.

Spoiler: I must have eaten something that disagreed with me. For such an inconsistent character, Simon Fraser saved his soul with this intense, dignified and subdued moment. There is something akin to a Roman deathbed scene one could perhaps find in Tacitus' Histories, essentially thanks to S's perfectly mastered gravitas. So yes, you can cry for the sudden demise of a secondary character you had no sympathy for and on top of that be surprised by your own tears.

A death that proves instrumental for their return to Scotland. And maybe it is time we acknowledge the simple fact that Scotland never really was just a trope of all this intricate narrative scaffolding, but a character in its own right. It is alive and it prompts the kind of raw, irrational emotions able to make your tears well up all the same in Bilbao, in Vancouver, in Seattle, in Athens or in Cairo. And it doesn't matter if you could not place Inverness on a map before finding out that well, people do disappear all the time, or if you were haunted since forever by majestic visions of glens & lochs. You will fall and you will fall hard, despite all the misgivings and the shortcomings, of which there are many.

We leave them teary-eyed on a boat sailing near the Scottish shores. It is a carefully chosen and very effective parting moment. Overall, this was an excellent half-season, if you chose to ignore Mordor's endless, reckless and soulless bitching. I sometimes wish for all these people to suddenly develop an interest for origami or find another obsessable rookie duo or simply try to be happy on their own. Nothing more, but nothing less.

This Droughtlander will be a massive pain in the rear. Mark me. And I am finally allowed to hope for better sleep patterns. But hey, no regrets: it was worth it, always is. They are worth it. A lot.

Gif choice could only involve a ship. Credit given to @avasetocallmyown. Very elegant :)

#jottings

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feroshgirlsims · 25 days

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Chapter 3.3 - What Not to Wear

VLAD

Cleaning the coop and feeding the chickens has become an unbearable chore since Vlad’s grandmother brought back a rooster from a place he can only assume is hell. It takes forever to get the little asshole subdued so he can collect the eggs, and today, Vlad doesn’t have time to dilly-dally. He needs the early train to Britechester. The lecture doesn’t matter, but collecting payment and securing more clients for the upcoming exam season does.

“Come on, you little shit, I haven’t got all day,” Vlad growls.

If a rooster could shoot fire from his eyes, this one would. He pecks at Vlad’s feet, beak breaking through the soft leather of his lace-ups.

“What the fuck?”

Roosters don’t talk, of course, but they can look self-satisfied, which is exactly what the little asshole does.

“Leave Barnabus be,” his grandmother, Emily, calls out, “Bloodvein will handle it. I have something important for you.”

His cousin hasn’t left his shed in three days, so Vlad can’t imagine him handling anything, but maybe his grandmother knows something he doesn’t.

He shoots Barnabus one last threatening look. “One day, they will call me to slaughter you, and I’ll do it with a smile.”

Emily is waiting in the kitchen with her cup of coffee. “Your mother said you need something special to wear on your date.”

“I should’ve known she couldn’t keep her mouth shut.”

She shrugs, “Cheer up, sonny-boy. Your mother’s loud mouth is your saving grace. I brought some of Bubba’s old things down for you to try on.”

Vlad goes still. He knows everything will be impeccably tailored and made of the softest fabric. Briefly, he closes his eyes and imagines the feel of a silk-lined jacket. “Why would Bubba agree to this?”

“I didn’t,” his grandfather grunts as he slinks into the kitchen and drops his tacklebox on the table. “But that one,” he points at Emily, “Is a cheat at cards, so now I have to give it all up.”

“I don’t cheat, you crotchety son of a bitch, and you should be glad your grandson is even willing to wear your tired-ass work clothes,” she fixes him with a look, “You don’t need them.”

Vlad doesn’t interrupt. The best way to escalate an argument with a Straud was to get involved, and there was no reason to put the chance to try on Bubba’s suits at risk. As a result, the argument subsides relatively quickly, but there is a gleam in his grandfather’s eye when Emily thrusts the pile of clothes into Vlad’s arms.

Bubba—real name Nikolas—bathed cities in red from Selvadorada to Komberebi. When governments needed a job done with brutal efficiency, they called Covert Ops. When they needed a job done that only a lack of conscience and a strong stomach could handle, they called Nikolas Straud. He says he doesn’t miss it, and despite a strict policy against falsehoods, it’s a lie the family allows.

“I’ll go change,” Vlad announces, barely resisting the urge to take the stairs two at a time.

PREV | NEXT

(Part 3 of 4)

#ts4 #simblr #the save file chronicles #Windenburg Arc #vlad always wants to make an enemy #this time its a rooster #yes the strauds are murder hippies #i dont know why im like this

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marvelling-at-marvel-blog · 10 months

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Today I have done a lot of thinking about fictional charachters because...well my day has beeen horrible and its been better than thinking about that.

I saw a clip of shameless S1 where Mickey is dirty and unclean and I remember how a lot of people have said maybe he didn't really care until Ian came along or started to try for Ian. And sure, that may be part of it, but in my experience, there are so many other reasons people are unclean for, and I think a few would apply to Mickey.

1. I think part of the reasons he is reguarly covered in dirt is that being dirty tends to hide or blend in bruises. It is not going to work completely but enough to make people wonder if that is dirt or a bruise, or if they are seeing it properly. I imagine Terry wasn't light handed in beatings, and the kids were expected to cover for it. While teenage Mickey could say he was in a fight younger Mickey would have easily used that just some days old dirt excuse.

2. Lack of hot water or just water in his house. I don't think paying the bills on time was high on Terry's list either, and we know the house was basically a dump. It wouldnt surprise me if they reguarly had no hot water or if they did it run out quickly with the old water heater and you did not want to be the one causing Terry to have a cold shower. Or he saved the hot water for Mandy because he knows she actually really cares about her appearance and being clean

3. As a reason not to have to be with girls. In his first episode, Karen mentions that maybe Mickey is coming to find her to ask her out again and then says basically says along the lines of "I wouldn't because he smells like shit.' Being unclean and dirty means girls are less likely to want to go out with him, so he can ask the girls who he knows will say no then have it be that they are a b***ch who said no, or she don't know what she missing. He comes out of looking like her really doesn't care he got turned down but still leaves the impression his into girls. It is like a protective layer

4. I think caring about your appearance and the way you're dressed is something Mickey's dad would find pansy. Which Ugh, Terry is the worst.

5. I don't think some people really understand how vulnerable being naked in a place you dont feel safe in is. I feel like if Terry is mad, drunk, or just desires it, he would be more than happy to come for you. Being naked and unprepared is not a fun thought. So Mickey saves his showers for when he is sure his alone becauze like hell he is trusting that flimsy lock on the door (if there even is one cause Svetlana just walks in with a hammer on Ian)

Sure maybe once Ian comes along that is more incentive to be clean and presentable but I think he really starts to be clean is season 4 onwards where he knows and admits how much Ian means to him and that he loves him, no longer has go pretend to be into girls (his out or he has the excuse of his married) but also when his dad is in jail and maybe the bills are getting paid, maybe he feels safer in the house.

I just hate the common thinking of, that person is unclean because they don't care. That is rarely the real reason in my experience.

#mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #gallavich #mandy milkovich #season 1 shameless #there is almost a reason why people are unclean #protective responses to neglect and trauma appear in many forms #shameless meta #meta #no doubt he wants to be better for Ian as well #but I dont think that is the only reason he suddenly became clean and cared about his appearance #i love Mickey so much #Season 1 and 2 Mickey hold a special place in my heart

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thesparkling-diamond27 · 1 month

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The Second Bridgerton And I: Part 7

Benedict Bridgerton x Reader

Summary: Y/n Clearwater is named the “Sparkling Diamond” by Queen Charlotte herself, but she doesn’t know what to do with all this attention. Of course she has her family, but sometimes that doesn’t seem enough. But what happens when she encounters a specific Bridgerton, which changes the course of her season.

Author’s Note: I am so sorry for not posting sooner. I posted an update and said a chapter would come in the next couple of days and then a week passed. I’m finally back and I wills definitely have more time to write since I’m done with work for the summer.

Author’s Note: This chapter includes scenes from season 3 episode 4 of Bridgerton. Down below is the link to the part 6 and part 8. I hope you enjoy!

I sat on the windowsill in my room and stared out the window at the people walking down the street. They seemed so carefree. Not having a care in the world. I wish I could be like that.

My eyes drifted to the Featherington household where my friend resided. Lord Avcott’a ball was yesterday and I was still digesting the news that I have received last night.

Penelope was Lady Whistledown.

It was a lot to take in. I never would have thought of it on my own, but her being the infamous Lady does make sense. Before this season, Penelope rarely brought attention upon herself, which was perfect for her to sneak from balls and social events to the print shop when no one was looking. She was a self made woman and I felt proud to call her my friend.

However, I thought about all the lives she has ruined with her quill. Her words were usually calculating and had bite, which caused the downfall of most of the people she wrote about. Specifically Eloise last season, although she did bounce back from the scandal.

I wonder why she wrote such nasty things about her best friend. Did she write about her in order to get revenge after she found out about her identity? If so, I hope she doesn’t do the same with me. But she did tell me she was Lady Whistledown herself, so maybe she won’t write badly about me. Eventually my eyes wandered from the Featherington household to the Bridgerton household.

Benedict and I still haven’t fixed our issue and I hope we will soon. I wanted to fix it as soon as possible, but my pride made me hesitate. My mom once told me that “Sometimes you cannot fix a relationship. If you put effort and the other person did not, then it is not worth it.” I offered the olive branch and he did not take it, so if Benedict wanted to talk then he will have to come to me.

I looked at the handkerchief, from Benedict, that was still placed on the side of my vanity. I stood from the windowsill and walked to my vanity. I picked up the soft white cloth and brought it up to my nose to smell. It didn’t really smell like much anymore, but I can still imagine. My fingers traced along the initials that were stitched along the corner of the handkerchief.

B.B.

I missed him. I really did. I did not want to admit it, but I did. I have only known him for a short period of time, but it feels like I have known him forever. It was never awkward between us and conversation became easy like walking. And kissing him was like oxygen. It was as if I did not know how to breathe until we kissed. That one kiss brought life within me and I wanted more of it. I wanted him to introduce me to the world that I just discovered. I wanted him to teach me everything I did not know about.

I heard a knock from my door and turned to see my maid Alexandra with the door cracked open.

“You have a visitor Y/n.”

I placed the handkerchief on my vanity.

“Who is it?”

“Miss Penelope.”

“Send her in.”

I wanted to speak with Penelope. Although I was a little hesitant to do so, she was still my best friend. I told her that whatever she tells me will not change how I perceive her and I meant it.

Alexandra fully opened my bedroom door and Penelope sheepishly stepped into the doorway.

“Thank you Alexandra.” I said.

“Of course.”

Alexandra closed the door and I was left alone with Penelope.

“Hello Pen.” I said with a smile.

“Hello Y/n. I was surprised that I was sent up here. I did not think you wanted to see me.”

I walked up to Penelope.

“If I am to be honest yes. I was hesitant to let you in, but you are my best friend. Even though I disagree with some things that you wrote as Lady Whistledown, I still consider you the kindhearted Pen that I know.”

Relief settled on her face and she instantly brought me into a hug.

“This is a much better reaction than last time.” She stated.

“Did Eloise not take it well?”

“It was a screaming match.”

“She did not even try to hear you out?”

“Sadly no.”

“Well I am glad I can make this secret reveal easier for you.”

It was a shame the way Eloise responded to Penelope. I do understand why Eloise would be upset, but to cut someone out of your life is a new level.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked.

“Anything.”

“Why did you write about Eloise. You two were best friends at the time. What happened?”

Penelope stared at the ground as she thought of what to say. I could tell that she was choosing her words carefully.

“I had seen Eloise in the rough parts of town talking with a boy of low class. I thought that it would be a terrible thing if someone caught what she was doing, so I wrote about it. I realize now that that was a mistake and I should have confronted her, but at the time I believed I was doing her a favor. I was too naive to see that my issue would do more harm than good. When she found out that I was Whistledown she was furious and rightfully so. I wish I can take it back and it can’t. I am terrible friend and I do not know why you can forgive me.”

I grabbed the sides of her arms.

“There is nothing that you did for me to forgive and do not say such things of you not being a good friend. You are a wonderful friend and I would not trade you for the world.”

“You are too good to me Y/nn.”

“I am good to the people who are good to me.”

We shared a smile and then I plopped onto the head of my bed. Penelope smiled and joined me on the other side.

“The real reason I came here Y/nn was to check on you.”

Check on me? Why would she need to check up on me? My instead thoughts seemed to be showing on my facial expression because she answered my questions.

“I noticed that you seemed a little off when you saw Benedict with another woman. Did something happen between the two of you?”

The kiss happened two days ago and I haven’t told anyone. I cannot tell my brothers because a) they will kill him and b) Alex and Benedict are best friends. Noah would be livid, but Alex would be ten times worse. My dad has the same ideals as my brothers, so that is a no. I do not know how my mother would react, but I am mortified to even think about that.

Pen was the only logical answer. She has shown to be a true friend and I know she will not share such information, even if she is Whistledown. I have felt the need to tell someone and Pen was the perfect person.

“Please swear to never tell another soul.” I said.

“Of course.”

I took a deep breath.

“Do you remember when you told me, not too long ago, that you and Colin kissed?”

“Yes I do recall.”

“Well…Benedict and I sort of did the same thing.”

Suddenly Penelope’s expression showed something that surprised me. A smirk appeared on her lips and her eyes showed amusement.

“I knew it!” She shouted.

Her statement surprised me even more.

“You knew?! What do you mean you knew?” I questioned.

“Well I was not aware that the two of you had kissed, but I knew that there was something going on with you two. When the balloon almost crushed you, he was the first person to reach you. He ran in order to get to you. And he never took his eyes off of you, even when you said you were alright.”

I never knew Penelope was so perceptive. I wonder if she was the only person to realized something was going on. I also did not realize Benedict had did all those things. That could also be because I was extremely startled from the balloon, but Penelope’s words made me realize that he did not have to stay with me after the situation was over. He chose to spend time with me and make sure that I was alright. At the time I thought it was purely due to our friendship, but could it have been something more?

“I thought his intentions were because we were friends.” I said.

“To someone like your brother probably, but if you payed attention closely you could have seen that his touches lasted a little longer, his eyes held more worry than a normal person, and other little details. You definitely did not know at the time, and maybe he did not either, but I could tell that he had feelings for you. I knew only time would tell. You telling me that you two shared a kiss only supports my suspicions.”

Her words made me think even deeper into the rabbit hole. At Lord Tremble’s estate, Benedict ran after me in the middle of my panic attack. He gave me his handkerchief, with his initials stitched in the corner, which is still sitting on my vanity folded neatly. He did not have to do so, but he did anyway.

When my family and the Bridgertons had dinner together, he told the cook himself that my favorite desserts were raspberry macrons and lemon cakes. He did not have to do so, but he did anyway.

I looked at the painting that was sitting on top of my dresser. The one that Benedict gave me later that night. I was the first person he showed his artwork to. He trusted me enough to show me his finished and unfinished work when he did not have to.

Benedict had gifted me the bouquet of flowers. He brought me three books from my favorite book store because he knew I liked to read. Well our book store. The book store where we exchanged books for each other to read. I have read to about half way through the book he recommended me and the poetry was beautiful. He was right about giving poetry a try. Suddenly all of his past actions started coming together. Did he like me from the beginning?

“If he has feelings for you,” Penelope stared. “And you too kissed, then what happened between you two?”

“That I do not know.”

“What happened before and after you kissed?”

I took a moment to remember what exactly happened. He showed me his art, he gave me my books, we kissed, I pulled away, and then he seemed off. I told Penelope what happened.

“I do not understand why he would act in such a way.” Penelope stated.

“I do not understood either.”

“There is only one way to find out.”

“Which is?”

“Ask him yourself.”

“I have already tried. At Lord Avcott’s ball, I smiled when we made eye contact, but he walked away and I do not wish to chase after him. I do not want to seem desperate.”

“Yes we do not want that. But we will have to figure out something soon.”

“What do you mean by that.”

“You two have feelings for each other and it is time that both of you see that.”

“I do both have feelings for Benedict. I only miss him as a friend.”

Penelope gave me a look as if she was sarcastically trying to tell me “Really”.

“Alright I will play along.” Penelope said, “You do not have feelings for Benedict. But just imagine that you had to pick between Benedict and Maxwell and you had freedom to choose. Without the influence from your family, or the outside world, who would you choose?”

I thought about what she had just asked me. Maxwell was an amazing guy. He is sweet, kind, and thoughtful. I have enjoyed the daily letters that he has been sending me and they have always brought a smile upon my face. Not to mention that my family approves. I imagined what my life would be like being married do Maxwell. I could see myself being well taken care of, content and happy. But would it be enough?

—————————

My family and I were currently entering Lord Fuller’s estate along with my aunt and uncle and cousins. I looked around as we continued walking. The interior had a grandness to it, but also some familiarity to it. The color scheme kind of reminded me of the Featherington household. We were currently following Lord and Lady Fuller as they guided us to their library.

“I have been building my collection since 1790. And thought it only fitting to share it after all these years.” Lord Fuller said.

I looked above and noticed all the paintings of past Fuller’s. It reminded me of the hallway in my house that shows generations of Viscounts in my family.

We entered the library and I was blown away by how many books Lord Fuller had in his collection. The bookshelves started on the ground and reached all the way up to the ceiling. The walls were completely covered by books, upon books, upon books and it did not stop there. There was a doorway that led to more rooms that weee filled to the brim with books. I was stepping into one of my wildest dreams, but it was reality.

“Alex pinch me now.”

I felt a sting on my arm and looked to see Alex laughing. I slapped his arm.

“I did not mean literally! It was an expression!”

“I know.”

He ran up to catch up to my parents in the front before I could kill him. He is lucky we are in public and not at home. We ventured further into Lord Fuller’s library to a less populated era.

“Mama I think I see Lord Harvey.” Adeline said.

I rolled my eyes at the comment. I was happy for my sister, but I was not a fan of Lord Harvey. He was rather vain and only talked about himself, so I could not see how Adeline could possibly like him, but it is her decision. It is her marriage and her life.

“I shall chaperone Adeline and Lord Harvey. You all should be fine by yourselves yes?” My mama questioned the rest of us.

“Yes we will Aphrodite now go.” My aunt Athena said. She motioned with her hands to usher my mama and sister along.

“I am going to see if I can find Penelope.” I said.

“Alright we’ll be here dear.” Aunt Athena said. “Come back here when you are finished.”

I nodded and walked away to search for Penelope. It did not take long for me to find her. I walked into a nearby room and there she was, but she was not alone. Penelope was occupied with her mother and Lord Debling, so they might be busy for a while.

I looked around for a familiar face and found none, so I decided to walk into another room. For all my family knew I was with Penelope. I went from room to room and the population of people in each room decreased little by little until I encountered an empty room. I turned to see if anybody was looking before slipping in and shutting the door. Even though we were visiting Lord Fuller’s library, I had brought a book for myself to read.

The room was rather cozy, but small. It had a long couch, with two soft plush looking chairs on each end. There was a small wooden table in front and a fireplace across from it. The drapes were open, which allowed for sunlight to course through the windows.

I found a spot on the couch and began to read in the spot of the book where I left off. The book was the book that Benedict recommended me. I did not realize how diverse and complex poetry could be until I started reading this book. One poem that stood out to me was about sunsets. It describes how even though you can go through a terrible day, it can end with something beautiful. It made me reflect on the day and to appreciate life more often.

I got to a part of the book with a tone shift to something more dark and somber:

“Ever night I crawl

In and out of my grave

Clutching the illusion of us

So when I die,

It might be

With my last piece of you.”

It was quite a vast contrast from the inspiring poems earlier in the book and it reminded me of a specific someone. I closed the book before I could read anymore and I had to take a deep breath in order to not let my tears spill. He is not even here and just the thought of him sends me into a spiral.

Thinking about him brought me back to the conversation I had with Penelope. According to her he has feelings for me. But did I have feelings for him? That was a good question. I saw him as a friend, but could I see him as someone more? Then I thought of Maxwell who has been missing this whole time. Ever since he left I have been in a state of confusion. Maybe my questions shall be answered when he returns.

After a few moments of silence. I decided it was time to head back to my family. I went back the way I came from and noticed the Bridgertons. They seemed to have already noticed me, so I decided to join them instead of walking on by.

“Y/n it is a pleasure to see you!” Violet said while giving me a hug with excitement. I returned the hug with an equal amount of excitement.

“The pleasure is all mine.”

I pulled away from the hug and noticed Colin, Eloise, and Francesca accompanied by Lord Samadani. No one else was with them. Violet must have suspected I was looking for a specific Bridgerton because she said,

“Benedict did not wish to attend, but I will inform him that you send your regards.”

I did not wish for her to do so, but I nodded in gratitude nonetheless. The next time Benedict Bridgerton is mentioned I might just break down and I would rather not do so in front of his family.

“I actually have been meaning to speak with your mother. Francesca and I were planning to attend the modiste this weekend and I was wondering if you, your sister and mother would like to join us.”

“That sounds lovely!” I said towards Francesca and Violet. Francesca nodded in agreement.

“Where is your family?” Violet asked.

“I was on my way to them already. I shall take you there.”

Violet nodded, but then seemed at a dilemma when she noticed Lord Samadani. She probably did not know if she should have him leave or have him join us.

“Lord Samadani. Do you care to join the Clearwaters?”

“I would love to, but I do not wish to intrude. I also have some errands that I need to attend to. Thank you for sharing your afternoon with me.”

He turned to Francesca and grabbed her hand to kiss the back of it.

“Miss Francesca.” He said and walked away.

“Well then.” Violet said. “Shall we?”

—————————

“If the Marquess asks you to dance a second time at the queen’s ball, it is a clear declaration of interest.” Violet said.

“We shall see if he even asks me for a first dance this time.” Francesca responded.

At Lord Fuller’s book collection event, Violet and my mama made plans to visit the modiste this weekend, which was today.We had already visited the modiste and were currently walking out and about town. I have brought a selection of new dresses and I could not wait to wear them to future balls.

Eventually our conversation switched to suitors this season, then to Adeline and Lord Harvey and Francesca and Lord Samadani.

“Oh something tells me he will. But if that interest is not shared, and…” Violet’s words soon trailed when she realized that Francesca was no longer listening. I noticed her eyes locked on something else, or rather someone else.

“There is Lord Kilmartin.” Francesca stated.”

Violet looked confused at the sudden change of subject and attitude from Francesca, but spoke nothing of it.

“Do you know his family?” Francesca asked.

“Oh not well.” My mama said. “They’re a rather reserved bunch, known to keep to themselves.”

“Are you interested in him?” Violet asked.

Francesca ignored her mama and started making her way to Lord Kilmartin, and we had no choice but to follow after her.

She curtsied when she approached him.

“Good day, Lord Kilmartin.” Francesca said.

“Miss Francesca. Lady Bridgerton.” Lord Kilmartin turned to Adeline, my mama and I.

“Miss Y/n. Miss Adeline. Lady Clearwater.”

We all curtsied in response. How he knew my sister and I’s names I did not know. I do not think I even seen him at any social events, but Francesca surprisingly seemed to be aware of him.

“You left quite abruptly the other morning.” She said.

“Well…you had another caller.” He replied.

Francesca face showed awkwardness and she tried to hide it by continuing.

“I hoped I might see you at the opening of Lord Fuller’s collection yesterday.”

“No. I do not often attend society events unless I am required to by rules of good manners.”

It now made sense. His rareness in society would explain how I have not seen him before until now.

“I see.” Francesca said. “And so, are you stopping to speak with us just to…be polite?”

“I…believe you stopped me.”

Francesca looked even more awkward and now defeated due to him being correct, which he was. She was the one who stopped him and not the other way around. The music from the man playing the fiddle in the street became more prominent when there conversation died down and Lord Kilmartin used that to keep the conversation flowing.

“Enjoyable music, yes?” He asked.

Francesca timidly looked down on the cobblestone road.

“If I am being honest, no. The pase is too fickle. Just as you think you are starting to comprehend the melody, the song is over. A song like this would be sweeter if it were played in 3/4 so one could, in fact, feel…the music.”

I would not have thought of that solution if I were in Francesca’s showstopper. I did not think the music even needed a solution. Although I love to play the Piano forte, I do not love it as much as Francesca. Her explanation of the time signature change further proves that. Music is her passion and she definitely knows what she is talking about.

Lord Kilmartin seemed to have an Epiphany.“ That is helpful. Uh…if you’ll excuse me.” He slightly bowed before walking away. His departure was abrupt and odd, but I guess that is just the way he was.

Francesca turned her gaze from Lord Kilmartin and to her mama.

“To answer your question no, I am not interested in him.”

Francesca grabbed my hand and led me further down the road.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I did not push it, but I could tell she was lying.

—————————

Benedict

I walked into the Queen’s ball arm and arm with my mother, while Eloise, and Francesca followed shortly behind. Colin was not feeling up for tonight’s ball and decided to stay home. Something has been off with him and I do not know what it is. He has been odd as of late and I want to talk with him when the time was right.

We entered the ballroom and began to ascend the stairs to reach the Queen Charlotte on the other side. The ballroom was different from most that I have seen. The dance floor was elevated marble and there were pillars standing on each side like the Romans from my studies. Guests mingled around the dance floor and I greeted a few familiar faces as we made our way to the Queen. Mother looked perplexed as if she was hesitating, so I decided to wait for her to speak.

“Benedict.” She said.

“Yes.”

“I would like to discuss something with you.”

“What is on your mind mother?”

Although I had an inkling about what she wanted to address I let her ask regardless.

“You have been acting odd lately. You are mostly normal, but you appear slightly sad. What is the matter?”

There was a lot that was the matter. But the one thing, or person, that caused a dip in my mood was Y/n Clearwater. When we first met I had already known who she was. The Clearwaters are a well off family and I would be surprised if no one had never heard of them. I especially knew who she was because her brother Alex is one of my closest friends. I knew of her existence based on the stories Alex would share with me and I was curious about how she would be in person.

When I first met her at Lady Danbury’s ball she was a breath of fresh air I never thought I needed. Ever since we encountered each other at Thomas’s book store, she has been on my mind for most of each day. Throughout the days I would see things that reminded me of her, or I thought she might like. Y/n fully consumed my mind and I let it happen.

After we exchanged books at the bookstore we crossed paths at Lord Tremble’s house. Y/n was in a panicked state and all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and make sure she was okay. I gave her my handkerchief as a way to clean her face, but also to comfort her. When I was little, the handkerchief used to belong to my dad and he would use it to comfort me as well when I was upset. When I got older, he had my mother stitch my initials on it, so he could give it to me as a gift. I hope the handkerchief was able to comfort her in some sort of way. I would think so, because she still possesses it. She could keep it for as long as she needs to if it makes her happy.

The balloon was coming towards her and I was terrified as it reached closer and closer to her. My biggest fear was all of us pulling the balloon and not being strong enough to stop the balloon from hitting her. That is why I made it my mission to rush to her right away when we secured the balloon from harming other people. Y/n said she was alright, but I still wanted to stay with her to make sure she was safe and unharmed.

At the bench she mentioned how she wanted to receive a bouquet of flowers. I was going to get her a real bouquet of flowers, but I stopped by Thomas’s bookstore first. After I selected my books, Thomas showed me the new spring books that he received for his collection. The titles all included flower names and the idea to give her a flower bouquet of books was born. I was nervous about how she would react, and I’m pretty sure she appreciated it. She did hug me after.

The day before we had dinner with the Clearwaters I snuck into the kitchens and told our cook Y/n’s favorite desserts. By then I knew that I have fallen in deep. I was going out of my way to change my cook’s already set menu in order to make a girl happy. It was a big gesture and I do not regret it.

I rarely show people my art, but I showed her after dinner. Usually when I show people my art, I show it when it is completely finished and I make sure there are zero flaws present. However, I was comfortable enough with Y/n to show her everything. My finished paintings, unfinished paintings, sketches, etc. It shocked me how I wanted to show her my artwork. Looking back now I think I wanted to impress her. And based off her expression and her wanting to keep the painting I gifted to her I think I did.

That same night we shared a kiss and I would be lying if I said I never thought about that moment beforehand. Several times I caught myself staring at her lips and wondering what it would be like to feel them against my own lips. When we kissed it was as if my biggest dream came true. Holding her in my arms I felt warm and at home. I wondered what took me so long to get to Y/n, but I realized that that did not matter. We still found each other in the end.

But then something weird happened. She pulled away and I was taken out of my ecstasy. I looked upon her face and she looked confused and not pleased, which is not the look you want on the girl you just kissed. I was hurt that she did not enjoy the kiss like I did and I was starting to think that maybe I read the signs incorrectly. I thought the feelings were mutual, but her reaction was telling me something else.

When I saw her at Lord Fuller’s ball, she smiled at me. I wanted to smile back and probably walk down the stairs to greet her, but decided not to. Y/n was acting like everything was alright and acting like nothing ever happened between us when it did. We kissed and we cannot take it back. I do not want to, but I am not too sure about Y/n.

That is why I tried to forget about Y/n. At least in a way where we were more than friends. That same night, I found comfort in Lady Arnold and have been going to her ever since. Spending my nights with her was a way for me to forget about my feelings for Y/n and maybe one day I could get rid of them completely.

My mind wandered from my thoughts and finally back to my mother and I answered my mother’s question.

“Nothing is the matter mother.”

When she looked up at me I could tell that she did not believe me. I did not do a good job of concealing it either.

“If I can say a few words.” She said.

I urged her to continue.

“I have realized that you and Y/n have grown quite close with one another this season and it has been lovely to see you two getting along so well. You are a great friend you know that right. She must be so lonely with Lord Tewkesberry being away in Paris. It is nice that she found a companionship with you, while he is away. I can see you made her really happy.”

She smiled at me and turned to tend to Eloise and Francesca. What my mother said struck a nerve.

I had completely forgot about Maxwell Tewkesberry. They were supposed to courting. At least I think so. I have never seen them out in society with one another, but maybe that was because he has not been here in London for most of the season so far. It made a tiny part of me hope that Y/n and I might have a chance if I tried. But the other part of me was telling me to be realistic. Y/n only sees you as a friend, so you should only see her that way. It was like the angel and the devil were both on my shoulders telling me what to do. I was conflicted and-

“Benedict come on!”

I turned to see Eloise calling me and I quickly walked to meet up with her.

“I have been calling you. There is supposed to be a show, so mother found us a spot.”

“Sorry I did not realize.” I answered.

“Benedict Bridgerton apologizing? Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”

“Keep on asking more questions and you will find out.”

Eloise shook her head and linked our arms together. She led us to where our mother was where we could watch the ballet duet performance according to my mother.

————————

Benedict

“Did you enjoy the ballet Mr. Bridgerton?”

Lady Fuller asked me.

The ballet performance finished and although it was quite beautiful, it was also upsetting. All I could think about was how much Y/n would enjoy this. While, the two dancers were dancing I peeped at the surrounding crowd to see if Y/n was amongst them, but I did not spot her. Matter of fact I did not notice any of the Clearwaters which was strange. A family like them would definitely be invited to this ball and there was no need for them not to be here. Unless something happened. I could not think about that right now, because I was currently being asked a question.

“Very much. So much so I wonder if I missed my calling.” I said

Lord and Lady Fuller both looked puzzled at my response.

“As a dancer.” I concluded.

My joke caused the both of them to exclaim with laughter. Society talk is not that hard to master. Say the right thing and you could have the audience go nuts in a good way.

Lord Fuller motioned for someone else to join us. “Ah Lady Arnold. You must join us.”

When she notices us she gives a face of recognition and walks over to greet us.

“Lord Fuller. Lady Fuller. A pleasure seeing you both.” She said.

“Have you met Mr. Bridgerton?” Lady Fuller said as she gestured to me.

“Indeed.” I said.

“Briefly.” Arnold said.

What Lord and Lady did not know won’t hurt them.

“Quite so. It is a pleasure, though. We were just sharing our thoughts on the ballet.” I said trying to involve her in our conversation.

“I must say, I do not know that the male dancer needed to be in such a state of undress.” Lady Fuller said.

“He certainly could have put on a shirt.” Lord Fuller added.

“Could not agree more. Nothing worse than a state of undress.” Lady Arnold said, while looking directly at me. I noticed the hidden jab directed towards me that obviously went undetected by Lord and Lady Fuller. Lady Arnold’s words were definitely society talk because they did not match her actions behind closed doors.

Lord and Lady Fuller’s attention was pulled elsewhere and I tried to see what they were looking at and my jaw hit the floor when I saw her walking down the stairs.

—————————

It was a loose screw according to my favorite footman David. My family and I were on our way to tonight’s ball when one of the wheels of our carriage ran over a large rock. According to David, a carriage in its pristine condition would have been able to withstand such little impact, but since the screw was loose it fell off and caused us to tilt downward.

Because of this accident we were late to the ball. My mom was stressed because we were going to arrive late to the ball and the Queen is supposed to be in attendance tonight. If the Queen was not attending there would have not been a problem. People arrive late to balls all the time and no one bats an eye when someone struts in a little later than usual. But this was the Queen we were talking about and she did not take these things lightly. She expected to you to be on time, and that was not going to happen.

David rose after inspecting the broken wheel and turned to us.

“Lady Clearwater if you leave now you can arrive only a few minutes late to the ball tonight. You and your two daughters can join Lord Clearwater and your sons in their carriage. You will be here all night if you wait.”

Mama thought about it for a few moments before deciding.

“Alright thank you David.” My mama said.

“Come along girls.” She gestured for me and Adeline to follow her to the other carriage with my father and brother. After we all climbed in, the carriage continued its way to the Queen’s ball.

“Well this is cozy.” Alex joked.

I laughed in response, but my mama still showed a worried face. My father tried to console her, but she was still concerned about being late and I couldn’t blame her. I too am anxious to see how Queen Charlotte shall react to our lateness.

We passed the modiste and at the corner of my eye I noticed Alex staring at me. I met his gaze and gave him a questioning look. His expression did not change, and he looked out the window. That was odd. But I decided to shake it off.

We arrived at a Queen’s ball and David helped me out of carriage. Mama quickly grabbed Alex’s arm, but he refused.

“Go with father. I will take Y/n.”

Mama nodded, not wanting to argue and prolong our lateness. Alex looped his arm with mine and as we walked I could tell something was on his mind. I tapped his arm with my fingers three times. Something we used to do when we were kids when we were wanted to talk. Alex laughed in response with his head down.

“You have not done that in so long.” He said.

I thought about it and realized that he was right.

“You are correct. I did not realize.”

He nodded in response and we continued waking in silence. I know he wanted to share something, so I prompted him to speak his mind.

“Are you alright Carina?”

“Of course Felis why do you ask?”

He thought for a moment before speaking.

“I know we all have been telling you this, but you seem off. I remember when you used to come to me for every little thing. You would tell me everything. Now you do not do that anymore. All those days you spend cooped up in your room, I was waiting for you to come to me, but you never did. I know something is wrong and you are not obligated to tell me everything, but I miss you. I want you to know that I can still be your shoulder to cry and lean on.”

My brothers words made me want to cry. If only he knew how many times I wanted to spill what was on my mind. To confide in him and tell him all my worries. There are some things that I can discuss with him, but I cannot share my biggest issue with him. If he found out about what happened with Benedict I do not know what he would do and I do not want to find out. However, I have been shutting him out more than usual and I needed to change that.

“I know I have been off lately and I am sorry I have been so closed off. It was never my intention to shut you out the way I did and I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I did want to reach out and tell you my worries, but I was too caught up in my own feelings. From now on I will tell you what is on my mind if you promise to do the same.”

Alex smiled at my response and kissed the top of my head.

“I just want to make sure that you are all right. It is not alright to keep all those feelings bottled up. Sometimes you need to release them by talking to someone.”

I nodded my head at his words.

“Now let’s hurry up, we have fallen behind from mother and father.”

Alex and I reached the doors of the ballroom and we noticed our parents and sister were still waiting outside for us.

“Okay we are all here.” Mama said.

Before we walked in, I grabbed my fan tied around my wrist and opened it up to cover my face.

(A/n for this entrance scene I am imagining it like when Daphne entered the ball after she ended things with Simon and dropped the fan in front of the prince)

My family and I entered the ballroom and as we walked down the stairs, I traced the railing with my white gloved hand. The majority of everyone’s eyes landed on all of us, but that could be because we were late. My attire, as well as my persona, tonight was very different from my previous ones. Instead of the usual family color purple, or my spring like hues, my dress tonight was purely white.

The sleeves were puffed out with a tule material and my dress was a silk satin material with pearl accents scattered around. Alexandra added a sheer silver glitter fabric overlay to add a wow factor to the ensemble. My hair was tied into a high pony and my hair was curled to accentuate my hairstyle. A crown was placed on my head which made me feel like a princess, or as close as I ever would get to feeling like one.

In my right hand I held the feather hand held fan and shook it in front of my face from time to time to add for effect. What I was doing seemed to be working because several suitors began to make there way to the bottom of the staircase.

Even though I was secretly courting Maxwell, and the only other people who knew were my family and the Bridgertons, I wanted to show Benedict that his actions did not affect me. I was moving on with life and if he wanted to talk he would have to initiate conversation.

I reached the bottom of the stairs, and a suitors stood in front of me. I believe he was Lord James.

I dropped my fan purposefully, a trick I learned from my mother, and Lord James quickly picked it up from the ground. He dusted it off before handing it back to me.

“Miss Clearwater.” He bowed. “May I have the pleasure of being your first dance partner?”

“The pleasure is mine.” The said.

I separated myself from Alex and offered my dance card to Lord James. He signed his name for the dance that was coming up right now, so I handed my mama my fan and followed Lord James to take our places.

—————————

Benedict

I could not believe what I was seeing and I had no intention to look away. There Y/n was looking ethereal in an all white gown as she and her family walked down the stairs. I was entranced as she ascended the stairs without a care in the world.

Her appearance taunted me as if she was telling me you can look at me, but you cannot touch me or have me. It reminded me of the words my mother would tell me as a child: look with your eyes, and not with your hands. But I did not want to just look at her I wanted to do more. I stopped my thoughts before they went somewhere I did not want them to be.

She dropped her fan, which was definitely on purpose, and a man nearby picked it up. They exchanged a few words before they made their way to the dance floor and I could not help but feel some type of way. His hand should not be on her waist like that. He should not be smiling down at her like that. They should not be that close to one another. They were too close for my comfort and it took everything in me not to walk over there and cut in to be her dance partner.

That should be me dancing with her on the dance floor, me holding her in my arms, me whispering in her ear. I grabbed a glass of champagne from a nearby servant and downed it in one go and I placed the glass back on the plate before he could leave.

Seeing her dance was agonizing, but finally the music came to a stop and the man she was dancing with bowed as she curtsied in return. I needed to get to her now and fast before someone else does.

I dashed across the ballroom to where she was near the dessert table. Y/n was eying the different ice cream flavors, but she was also with her mother. I took this as an opportunity to make myself known because I knew her mom will know something is up if she dismisses me. I approached Y/n and her mother and her mother was the first to recognize me.

“Benedict! How lovely to see you dear!”

“It is lovely to see you as wall Lady Clearwater and you as well Y/n.” I replied.

Y/n’s mother gave me a look, “What did I say about calling me Lady Clearwater Benedict.”

“You told me to call you Aphrodite.”

“Correct! There is no need for formalities when you are with me.”

“Understood.”

Y/n’s mother looked at Y/n and said, “You are rather quiet Y/n. You are usually quite the chatterbox when you are with him. Are you alright?”

Y/n was staring ahead, but quickly broke from her trance after hearing her mother’s words.

“I am alright. I was just thinking.” Y/n tried to muster a smile, but I could tell it was forced. Her mother did not seem to buy it either, but she remained quiet.

“I actually came over to ask if Y/n would like to join me on to the dance floor. It has been a while since we shared a dance and she is my favorite dance partner.” I said.

“Oh that sounds wonderful! Y/n has some time before her next dance! You two go on ahead!”

Y/n’s mother turned around to look at the ice cream and I extended my hand for Y/n’s dance card. Y/n started at my hand and then up at me. After contemplating for a few moments, she finally slipped her dance card off her wrist and handed it to me. After I signed my name, with the attaches writing tool, I reached out my hand toward her and she accepted it with a sigh. I then gently guided her to take our places onto the dance floor. The music began and we eventually fell into a comfortable stance that felt familiar. Y/n had said nothing, so I decided to get the conversation rolling.

“How are you Y/n?” I asked softly.

She did not respond and instead looked somewhere else over my shoulder. Now she was completely ignoring me. What a great start Benedict.

The dance required to have her with her back facing towards me, so I waited until we were face to face to ask,

“Are you well?”

Still nothing.

But I wasn’t going to give up. Before this ball was over I was going to clear the air with Y/n and that was a fact.

The music slowly came to an end and I slightly bowed and Y/n slightly curtsied in return.

“Thank you for the dance.” she said quietly before quickly leaving the dance floor.

“Wait!” I shouted, but even if she heard me, which I know she did, she still kept on walking. My only solution was to follow her. Y/n made her way up the stairs and up to the second floor. I followed her closely behind. Y/n found her way to the doors that led to the balcony and she quickly walked through them. When I approached the door, my hand touched the door knob, but I hesitated to open the door.

I wanted to talk to her, but did she want to talk to me? She was going through all this effort to avoid me and I almost walked away from the door, but then my mind went to the night Y/n had a panic attack. If I did not come to comfort her she would have been struggling alone. I did not know if she was suffering from one right now, but I did not want to take that chance. I took a deep breath before opening the door.

—————————

Why won’t Benedict just leave me alone! He knows that I do not wish to talk to him, I have made myself quite clear, but her either does not seem to get the hint or simply does not care. Yes. Eventually I wish to have a conversation with him about our situation, but not tonight. I am not ready just yet.

I wanted to walk away when he approached my mom and I, and I would have, but of course my mom had to agree upon Benedict dancing with me when he proposed the idea. I wanted to reject his hand when he held it out for me, but I could not do that in front of my mother, so I took his hand.

I thought I would flinch from his touch, but my body reacted differently. When he placed his hand on my waist my body instantly relaxed. As if my body knew it was home. When he pressed my back against his chest, I felt his breath against my head and it reminded me of when his family came over for dinner and his face was in kissing distance of mine. And then later that night we kissed. The kiss.

Maybe it was a good idea to talk tonight. To find out what he was thinking, but then I remembered the way he reacted when I tried to talk with him. He flat out ignored me. So it was only fitting for me to do the same.

My eyes wandered to the view below me. From here I could see the beautiful garden. It held an array of different flowers and plants and I couldn’t help, but admire the beauty. There was man made trail that led from the garden and into the woods that was nearby. Overhead the trail were white arches that were covered in flowers and it acted like a tunnel. It must be so wonderful to walk through the tunnel.

I looked to my right and noticed vines with light pink roses. I was always fascinated with flowers, so I approached the roses to inspect them further. I was about to pluck one off the vine for myself when I suddenly heard the balcony doors open and close.

I already knew who it was. I did not even need to turn around to know.

“Y/n.”

Hearing his voice only confirmed my claim. I knew Benedict would follow me.

“Y/n.” He said again.

I retracted my hand from the pink rose and turned around to see Benedict looking down at me.

“Benedict.” I said coldly.

He seemed hurt with my tone, but I did not care. If he wanted to gain back my trust he would have to earn it.

“I wanted to talk with you.” He said.

“You are talking with me now.”

I wanted to walk away, but there was nowhere to go except back to the ballroom and I would like to stay thank you very much. For awhile it was silent and none of us dared to move until he tentatively reached for my hand. When he noticed that I did not move away my hand, he took that as a chance to gently grab it and I let him. The pad of his thumb gently caressed the side of hand and it took everything in my power not to smile. I wanted to continue giving him the cold shoulder, but he wasn’t making it easier.

I could tell he was nervous, but I waited for what he had to say.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

I was not expecting him to say that. I thought he was going to start with explaining why he was acting the way he was.

“Sorry for?” I tried to act uncertain, but I had a feeling I knew what he was sorry for.

“For ignoring you the other night.” He said. “I was upset and I took my anger out on you. When you smiled I ignored you and I am truly sorry. I now realize you were only trying to be kind towards me and I repaid that kindness by being rude. I was just…”

He paused and it looked like he was trying to figure out the right words to say.

“I thought you wanted nothing to do with me anymore.” He finally said.

“What do you mean?”

“After we kissed…the expression on your face showed that you did not like it.”

Now I was shocked and more confused. I do not remember showing a face of disgust after we kissed, but then again I do not know what my face looked like at that moment. Maybe I did show disgust, but I did not mean it. I was mostly confused. Confused on what our kiss would mean for us and wondering if he had feelings for me like how I have them for him.

“I did not feel that way at all.” I said.

Now he was the one who was shocked and confused.

“In fact I enjoyed it a lot. I was scared about what the kiss would mean for us. I did not want to ruin the friendship that we have, but a part of me wanted more and I was afraid about your feelings on the matter. I know you do not possess feelings for me and I respect that, but I want things to be the way they used to be. You and me as friends.”

I looked at Benedict. Awaiting his answer. Suddenly his face broke into a smile.

“That is where you’re wrong.” He said.

“What do you mean?”

“I wish for us to not be just friends. I wish to be more than friends.”

This was very shocking to hear. So all this time Benedict had feelings for me. He reciprocates the feelings that I have for him. I could not tell if this was real or just a figment of my imagination, so I asked.

“Is this real?”

Benedict chuckled at my question.

“Yes. Yes this is very real. My love for you is real and I want to be given the chance to show you how much I love you. If you will let me.”

I lost my will to speak. All I could do was simply nod at his words.

“You do not know how many times I dreamed about this moment happening.” He stated.

“Oh yeah…so what happens next?” I replied after I found my voice.

“Well after I tell you of my feelings, you confess your undying love for me.”

I playfully roll my eyes at his choice of words. He looks at me as if he is waiting for my answer.

“Oh you want me to answer?”

“Yes that would be much appreciated.” He chuckled. “I want to make sure this is real as well.”

I took a deep breath and stared into his crystal blue eyes. His eyes that make me feel safe and at home. The pair of eyes that wrap me in a warm comforting embrace when I’m feeling upset. That’s why the next sentence I said was as easy as breathing.

“Benedict I am hopelessly in love with you.”

Benedict’s smile grew bigger if that was even possible.

“What happens next?” I asked playing along.

“Next. I come to you.” He approached me slowly as he said so. Our faces were now inches from each other. “Then…” he grabbed a nervy rose that was behind me and carefully placed it in my hair. “…I tell you how beautiful you look tonight.” His words make my cheeks color and I step back in embarrassment.

My back made contact with the balcony and Benedict had me trapped. There was nowhere to go, but I did not feel like a prisoner. I felt comfortable and I knew that Benedict would let me leave if I wished to do so.

“I grab on to your cheek and look into your eyes.” Benedict continued as his hand found its way to the side my face and his blue eyes stared into my e/c eyes. “And then…”

“And then?” I ask.

“I think you know what happens next.” He said.

And before I could say anything back, Benedict grabbed both sides of my arms and moved me so that my back was against the wall next to the balcony doors. There was a pillar between us and the door, so no one would see us if they see walking by. We were completely alone and out of sight from the ton.

Benedict slowly inched closer towards me and used his pointer finger to lift my chin up.He looked into my eyes silently asking for my permission for what was about to come next and I gave it to him.

Benedict then closed the distance between us and placed his lips onto mine.

#bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 #benedict bridgerton #benedict x reader #friends to lovers #penelope featherington #violet bridgerton #francesca bridgerton #eloise bridgerton

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rapha-reads · 2 months

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IWTV rewatch

Season 1 episode 7 [The Thing Lay Still] - part 2/3

- AAAAAAH IT'S THE DANCE SCENE EXCUSE ME I'M NOT READY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

[Louis] "So much would be written about that grim night in New Orleans, but not a single mention of our last hour at Latrobe's, as if the only crime unfit to print took place on that dance floor." - and what do we say to homophobia, both "period-typical" and current? FUCK OFF.

It's the way they cannot… Aaah, need to say it in French, sorry. Use your translation tool. Ils ne peuvent pas se quitter des yeux un seul moment, même pas quand leurs pas de danse les forcent à se tourner le dos, Louis fermant les yeux jusqu'à ce qu'il soit de nouveau face à Lestat, ou qu'ils doivent se tenir l'un à côté de l'autre, leurs regards irrémédiablement attirés l'un par l'autre, comme deux aimants, magnétiques et plus fort que tout.

[Louis] "It was my sole duty to distract Lestat, but in his mirrored eyes, the distraction reflected back onto me. And in the dead center of the whispering gallery, I lost the thread to my plotting and fell once more into the well with no bottom. I was his, and he was mine."

I haven't said a word about Jacob's voice acting yet. But the way Louis' voice is so soft and slow. As if Louis is lost in his memories and back there, feeling all the love and the frenzy of that night, but also the pain and grief of the long decades since.

- Oof, I'm barely midway through the episode. I'm pausing it so much to not miss a single line that my player is starting to complain.

- "'Claudia, born 1903, I drank the water in 1917. I'm 36 years old.' 'Louis de Pointe du Lac. Born in 1878.i drank of the water in 1910. I am 61 years old now.' 'Lestat de Lioncourt, born 1760. I drank the waters in 1794. 180 years old… this coming November.'"

Ooooh, canon divergence! Not Louis and Claudia, them, we know, but Lestat. Born 1760 but turned in 1780 at 20 years old in the book. Interesting! I wonder why that change. There's another element given in s2, when Armand's writing his little Lesmand fanfic, but otherwise I guess s3 will give us an answer to why that tiny time change.

Meanwhile Tom fucking Anderson continues to be a nuisance.

- FINALLY. BYE TOM.

Love the music. Love the blood. Love the violence. Love the magnificent entrance of the three, in white and red. Vampires are freaking cool and the werewolf crowd can bite my a… Ahem, sorry, werewolf buddies. I got carried away.

- Aaaand goddamn Antoinette about to make her entrance. Aaaargh. But also I am very bi and she is very hot so I can't entirely hate her.

- [Lestat]"'Quite drunk this one. Rosemary… And something else. What is it, my love?' [Louis] 'I… I think it's gin.' [Lestat] 'I wasn't talking to you.'"

Bitch how dare you call someone else your love right in front of Louis, I'm offended.

Oh, wait, actually I can perfectly hate Antoinette, GET YOUR HANDS OFF CLAUDIA.

- [Claudia] "'Lestat… You must think me an idiot. 'She was at the ball tonight.' Not just the ball. You shoulda let that train go, Uncle Les.' [Lestat] 'How? Who?' [Claudia] 'He who called you him… Always the petty lights with you, Uncle Les.'"

Ah, I knew I hated Tom Anderson for more than his slimy, racist, homophobic ways. Nice planning, Claudia!

- Ooh, oh, no, baby, not the cane sword, no no no no. I hate (not) when the foreshadowing comes full circle.

- [Lestat] "Louis! We are joined by a cord, by a cord that you cannot see, but it is real. It is real. I have loved you… with all myself. I'm happy it was you… here with me… à la fin."

*cries*

No but can you imagine Lestat's anguish, the pure suffering and desperation he must have felt? Yes, yes, I know he's done plenty of wrongs, he's hurt Louis and Claudia a lot, he made mistakes after mistakes, he was prone to anger and abuse and violence.

But à la fin he's still a little boy who was neglected by his mother, abused by his father, hated by his first love, kidnapped and raped by his maker, hurt and threatened by the first vampires he's met, and was so lonely, afraid and hurt he didn't know how to love honestly even though he was deeply in love.

"Are we the sum of our worst moments", can we not feel pity and sadness for the monster in the woods? Can we not show kindness to the monster even after he's slapped our hand away, isn't kindness what could make the monster accept the hand?

I wrote a thesis about kindness being the true core of the story of Beauty and the Beast last year, about how it's true kindness and not love that Beast relearns how to be human and builds the self-esteem and self-respect needed to truly fall in love with Belle and have her fall in love with him in turn (there's more to my thesis, it's a 100 pages long, but that's the main point I wanted to make), and I can't help but draw parallels with Lestat.

Beauty and the Beast is French and it was first written in 1740, then rewritten and condensed (from 125 pages to barely 30) in 1756. Lestat definitely must have heard the tale, by the 1770s, 1780s, it was quite popular both in noble salons as in lowlier classes.

Do you think he ever fancied himself the Beast, and saw Louis as his Beauty? Do you think he ever thought he was cursed - despite claiming he never saw his condition as a vampire as a curse - and saw Louis as his salvation? Do you think he felt the fairy tale shatter irreparably around him when he realised that this time he could not keep Louis with him? Do you think in 1945 at the trial he saw himself as the Beast freed from his curse finally, heard and avenged, only to then realise that the curse was still there and stronger than ever because he had deeply misunderstood it? Do you think he spent 77 years living off rats in a dilapidated shack in the city that held his heart because his story went from Beauty and the Beast to the Ice Queen, or Koschei the Deathless, heartless and waiting for the one person that could unfroze or unbury his heart?

Ooooh, Lestat versus folktales. I think I can write a whole other thesis with just that idea. Or maybe a series of fics. Too many thoughts.

- [Louis] "The blood poured out of him as it might never pour from a human being… all the blood he had filled himself with. He lay now on his back, his eyes staring wildly at the ceiling, the irises dancing from side to side."

[Louis] "His irises rolled to the top of his head, the white went dim. This horror that had been Lestat… I stared helplessly at it. The thing lay still. There was no point in lingering."

No comment, just… Can you hear in Louis' voice the anguish, still, after so many decades…

- Huh. Bye Antoinette for real I guess, fire doesn't forgive. So no Antoinette at the Court.

- [Louis] "It was as if we'd expected Lestat to disappear in a puff of smoke or get sucked back into hell." - no but see, that's what I'm saying, the fairy tale ended and now you're left facing the very real consequences of the plot you thought you were living. Lestat ain't no fairy tale monster, just a regular (albeit vampiric) one, flesh and blood at the end. This ain't Buffy. Vampires are flesh here, animated flesh and when you kill them by any other means than fire or the sun, you are still left with the painfully visible reminder of the man that was the monster.

[I really like this part because I hadn't thought of the whole Lestat/folktale before and now I'm having a million of ideas knocking around my head.]

ep1 | ep2 | ep3 | ep4 | ep5 | ep6 | part 1 | part 3

#so yeah we definitely need a part 3 for the last part of the episode #interview with the vampire #iwtv #amc iwtv #iwtv amc #iwtv s1 #iwtv rewatch #episode reaction #the thing lay still #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #armand de romanus #daniel molloy #claudia de pointe du lac #the vampire armand #the vampire claudia #rapha talks #rapha watches shows #ask me about my thesis on beauty and the beast i love talking about it

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nat-seal-well · 3 months

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It’s almost the end of my work week and to celebrate surviving my 3 AM shift, I’m posting a snippet from the one-shot I’m working on! The Sewell family is so intriguing to me and I’ve been playing around with them.

As expected, Natalie took to Persian as naturally as she had to every other language that was offered to her. Milton did his best, but like every other young boy, his attention was directed elsewhere: tales of glory and honor, and the maritime stories that only seemed to be rising in popularity.

News of Britain's colonies in the New World ignited fires in the imagination of its people. The continent across the ocean seemed to be full of possibility: pristine nature, opportunity ripe for the taking, if only one were brave enough to take to the sea to get to it. Milton, however, could not have cared less about the wild land that gripped the rest of the nation’s mind. Instead, he fixated on the large, wooden vessels that were needed to get there.

It frightened her, even if she did not speak of it. The ocean took just as easily as it gave. She knew that as well as anyone. The thought of her only son daring to leave dry land was unimaginable, for more ways than one. Thankfully, however, she was not the only one who abhorred the idea of it.

“I want to join the British Navy,” Milton announced one day at dinner, when he was all of thirteen years old. “I want to be a sailor.”

Her response was to narrowly miss choking on her venison, and she took a sip of wine to help recover. It was as red as blood, and the sight of it did little good, but it gave her time to think of what to say that did not betray the wrenching of her heart.

“You will do no such thing,” Lord Sewell said simply, as he sliced away at the meat, seasoned with a blackberry wine sauce, on his fine china plate. “You are the Sewell heir; heirs do not go to sea.”

“I’m not the eldest, though. Natalie is the eldest. Why isn’t she the heir? It doesn’t make any sense,” Milton protested.

“That simply is not the way things are done,” Lady Sewell managed at last. “But even if you were not destined to take your father’s place, you cannot be a sailor—it is far too dangerous, darling. I cannot bear the thought of you boarding a rickety, old boat, and sailing away from me.”

Milton seemed to take it as an affront. With an air of indignance that would only be mustered by a child of thirteen, he said, “They aren’t ‘rickety old boats.’ They’re the British Navy. They’re the finest ships in the world, and I want to command one.”

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bouncybongfairy · 10 months

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Halloween Night Part 2

Evil Morty x Bimbo Reader

Summary: Halloween was over and you plan on spending ThanksGiving break at Morty's house. This is when you notice that Morty's aggression is at an all time high and you're not sure what to do about it. You choose to ignore this but end up finding out about his troubling past and future plans.

(This fanfic contains smut) (This Fanfic contains spoilers for Rick and Morty season 7) (Both characters are aged up to 18, you both are seniors in highschool in this story.)

Word Count: 4.5k+

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Halloween had come and gone, and fall was really starting to set in. Most of the leaves had fallen from their branches and every morning felt like the dead of winter. Like there weren’t enough blankets in the house to keep you warm at night. You and Morty were still doing well, but there was something different about Morty that you couldn’t put your finger on. Morty seemed to be on edge more, lashing out about random things. Never at you or anything but for example, you’d be in his room and he’d die in his game and just go ballistic. Or come to your window at night fuming from a fight he’s gotten into with his dad. You’d even asked him once if there was anything bothering him but he brushed it off. At that point, you chalked it up to the stress of being a senior, SATs, college applications, prom, etc. Luckily, thanksgiving break is right around the corner and you were staying at Morty's house. Your mom had an out-of-state business trip that she couldn’t get off and your dad was celebrating with his new fuckass family. You were super excited, missing your mom was gonna suck but you loved Morty and were really looking forward to spending so much time with him.

When you told your friend group about the whole ordeal, they freaked out. Asking if you were prepared and they didn’t only mean packed but also physically. You wanted everything to be perfect while you were staying with the Smith’s. A couple of your girlfriends spent the day with you while you ran around doing errands. Getting your nails done, waxed, and picking up toiletries. You were quite lucky because your mom was feeling guilty about not being there for the holidays. This made her quite… generous if that makes sense. After getting home and packing all your bags, you began getting nervous. Triple-checking to make sure you didn’t miss anything. You zipped your bag up and brought it downstairs, sitting on the couch and waiting for Morty.

It seemed like an eternity until you finally got the text that he was outside. You grabbed your stuff and made your way outside, he was sitting in the car. A blunt hanging out of his mouth, all the windows were rolled down. He got out of the car and grabbed your bag, setting it in the back seat. He gave you a kiss on the back of your hand before driving back to his house.

Once you arrived, you went straight to his room. Even when you were just spending a couple of hours at his house, you never strayed from his room. It didn’t bother you necessarily, more of an observation. You were currently lying down together on his bed, talking about the plans you have for the week.

“How does your family normally celebrate Thanksgiving?” you asked.

“My dad makes everything and we just kinda sit around the table and eat, nothing extravagant,” he said.

“I can help your dad, I make really good mashed potatoes,” you giggled, Morty chuckled and held the blunt in front of your lips. Allowing you to take a hit without readjusting your position.

The first night was really nice, just cuddling while watching TV. It was dark and the soft glow of the television illuminated both your faces. It was momentary bliss, just how you imagined tonight to go. Because Morty was so… cold at times it made the moments where he was sweet and caring that much more special. When he would kiss your forehead or pull you closer as you cuddled. Especially when he would look down and smile at you, he rarely smiled and every time he did it made you melt. There was something that was off, lately when it came to intimacy, he was quite rough; more so than usual. At first, it was little things, like pulling your hair a little harder or squeezing her throat a little tighter than normal. You didn’t necessarily do a bad thing, it was just different. You know when you can’t quite decide if you like a certain food or not? That’s how it felt, kinda, not exactly. The first night you spent the night was the first time you’d done anything intimate during your stay. It was like he just went feral, and ended up biting your shoulder so hard it broke skin. You screamed so loud you were embarrassed that everyone in the house could hear you. Even though it did hurt and scare you, it was like an internal conflict whether you liked it or not. It felt primal and you liked that but you were more worried about mental health.

The next morning, you woke up first and started picking up the room a little. Differentiating the dirty yellow shirts from the clean ones. Once you were done, crawled back in bed, waking Morty up by kissing his forehead and rubbing his back until he started stirring awake. You guys lay there for a while, embracing each other underneath the covers. The first thing he did was sit up and start rolling, he did this every morning. You lay with your head in his lap, fighting the urge not to fall asleep. He asked you if there was anything specific you wanted to do today. There wasn’t, you just wanted to be with him.

“You want to go to the mall?” he asked, setting the rolling tray on his bedside table.

“Only if we can go to Auntie Anne’s,” you said, sitting up and kissing him on the cheek.

“Let’s shower,” he said, getting up to grab clothes.

It wasn’t anything erotic or even sexual, you both were genuinely washing your hair and body. After both of you finished washing up you just embraced each other in the hot water. Running your hands up and down his back, his cheek was resting on top of your head. It was moments like this that made you think his being more aggressive was just because of stress. The water began to run cold and both of you made your way back to his room. He sat down on his bed, not even bothering to change out of the towel that was wrapped around his waist. You set up your towel in front of the closet door mirror and started doing your make-up. Watching him in the mirror, as he ghost inhaled a thick yellow cloud of smoke. You admired his side profile and the hint of muscle tone in his arm when he ashed the blunt. It didn’t take you long to finish getting ready. You tried to be as speedy as possible, you were looking forward to a frozen strawberry lemonade. He surprised you when you turned around and he was wearing a black shirt, on the right side there was a gold M symbol but the middle was elongated. You complimented him on his change of pace which made him smile. Every time he did you felt like you were winning an unspoken game. The ride to the mall was so nice, it was cold outside so he cranked the heater on. Using one hand to steer and the other to hold hands.

It ended up being a really nice trip, the mall was already completely decorated to celebrate the Christmas season. You both walked hand in hand around the mall. It surprised you when he pulled out an extremely thick wad of cash from his pocket. You knew he sold weed and k-lax crystals but the wad was mostly 100 bills. It just seemed like a suspicious amount of money but at the same time you weren’t complaining. A little concerned but not to the point of bringing it up. However you were getting kind of nervous about how much stuff he was buying you, it was like he was encouraging, no, almost daring you push the limit. Spending hundreds of dollars on whatever you pointed to. You were looking for a dress to wear on Thanksgiving night. You ended up finding a thick black and gray striped mini dress. It was long sleeved and went well past your hands, the material was really soft feeling cotton. When you tried it on in the dressrooming, immediately you ruled it out as an option because of how short it was. Morty however objected, he was sitting on a cushioned bench. He had his elbows resting on his knees and his hands were interlocked and he was leaning forward. You were looking at his facial expression, he wasn’t looking at you with just lust, it was more like he was going to attack.

“I think you look fucking amazing. Holy shit are gonna fucking get it?” he asked which made your face flush a deep red.

Of course you ended up buying it, I mean how could you not after seeing his reaction. After you guys spent all day at the mall, it was time to head out. Immediately, you noticed the vibe was completely different. Morty was driving really fast, this was not necessarily out of the ordinary but he was weaving in and out of traffic. Bulls in The Bronx playing so loudly, the lyrics were becoming drowned out by sound. You started nervously squirming in your seat, looking over at him, he only had one hand on the steering wheel. When he pulled off the freeway exit, instead of slowing down he sped up and nearly drifted through the next right turn they made. The tires screeched and the smell of burning rubber came into the car. It was dark and kind of late so there weren't many cars on the road but it still scared the shit out of you.

And I don’t wanna wait for the down-set date

Gripping on to the seat of the car so tightly it pulled painfully at your acrylic nails. Suddenly, he pulls out onto a dirt road that's near the house. The way he was so calm and nonchalant about how reckless he was being was turning you on. You opened the glove box and pulled out the blunt he’s rolled and stashed. At first you struggled lighting it because of all the wind coming in from the windows but you eventually got it going. He was doing donuts and even then, his face never changed. Never showing any signs of fear or panic, it made you feel safer than you probably were. He took the blunt from you, taking a few puffs before turning his full attention back to the wheel.

Cause’ I would rather end it all tonight

He was now going up a steep incline, you grabbed onto his shirt and were saying his name but the music was so loud that even if you were to scream it wouldn't make a difference. You looked over at him and he looked so nonchalant, blunt hanging off his lips. One hand was still gripping your thigh, you tried moving it so he could have both on the steering wheel but he just held on tighter. He then started reversing which scared the ever loving shit out of you. Out of instinct, you pull your knees to your chest. Because his hand was resting on your thigh it was now pressed against your chest. He handed the blunt back to you and smirked at your reaction. Pulling a three point turn so fast, you truly thought you were going to crash. He joked saying he was offended that you didn’t trust him and kissed your cheek once you were on a more stable part of the incline. Maybe it was because you were stoned but you couldn’t have found him more attractive than this moment.

And if I mean anything to you, I’m sorry but I’ve made up my mind.

After about 20 more minutes of this, they finally made their way back to Morty’s house. The sun was setting and you were feeling euphoric, like everything in life was momentarily perfect. Neither his mom or dad were home and you hadn’t seen Rick around in weeks. Summer had moved out to attend college, meaning they had the entire house to themselves. You had Morty by the hand and started tugging him upstairs. Not even bothering to close the bedroom door, you start pulling your clothes off. You got on your knees and started undoing his belt, he took the portal gun out of the waistband of his jeans and helped you kick them off. He was stroking your cheek with his thumb as you rub your bottom lip against his tip. He smirked slightly and moved his other hand to rest on top of your head. You take him into your mouth; he tangles his fingers through your hair and shoves your head down to take him fully into your mouth. You dug your fingernails into his thigh and shot him a death glare. He looks down at you and chuckles at your reaction. The stereo was blasting music and even though a lot of girls weren’t willing to admit it: you liked giving head. You liked watching his face scrunch up in pleasure, or when he would lose control of hands, in such pleasure that he was unaware of what the rest of his body was doing. Or when he let his head hang down, mouthing open as he climaxed.

He pulled away and practically threw you on the bed. He had that same look in his eye from in the dressing room; feral and wild. His cheeks were flushed red and he was sweating. He crawled on top of you, planting his elbows by your ears and started making out with you again. You could feel his member pressed against your lower stomach, you bit his bottom lip, causing his dick to twitch. He pulled his hips back and lined himself up to enter you. He slowly slid into you, dropping his forehead onto your shoulder. Both your bodies were radiating so much heat and the energy was intoxicating. As he started to rock his hips back and forth he was making direct eye contact with you. He was biting his lip and your mouth hung open. The stereo was so loud you could barely hear yourself moaning, he was getting rougher and rougher. Thrusting in and out of you to the beat of If You Can’t Hang by SWS.

You weren’t sure if you'd both been at it. You were as exhausted as you were, you couldn’t get enough. Both of your faces were beet red, sweat was dripping down his face. His thrusts were frantic and he was holding your wrists so tightly they were sure to be bruised. You were bucking your hips up, letting your head fall onto the mattress and your eyes roll back. Your chest was riddled with bite marks and hickeys, both of you were getting close to your limits. Him announcing with his eyebrows furrowed and wild eyes how he was going to cum was enough to send you over the edge. You could feel yourself spasming around his member.

“Oh my God, Morty what the fuck!” Jerry yelled, backing away from the doorway. You screamed and tried to free yourself from the grip he had on your wrist but if anything he held on tighter.

“Fuck off Jerry, I’m busy,” Morty barked, you froze for a second. Not sure if you were comfortable with what was happening.

At the same time you were completely at the disposal of the orgasm that raked through your body. Partly out of pleasure and anger you rake your nails down his slender back. Watching as his face scrunched up in pain from the scratches, using your hair to pull your head to the side exposing your neck. He slams his head and mouth against your neck biting harder than ever before. You screamed and again scraped your nails against his back as he rutted through the rest of his orgasm. Once he finished he collapsed on top of you, his heart rate was so strong and fast it felt like it was vibrating your chest. He had his arms wrapped gingerly around your head, his head resting on your shoulder and part of your chest. You could tell he was physically drained because he bared his full weight onto you. Comfortingly, you start rubbing his back, feeling bad about the scratches.

“Are you okay?” you asked nervously.

“Yeah, I hate him and I don’t care if he knows anymore. I want him to,” he grumbled.

“But are you like… okay,” you asked again, he moved his head to look at you. Giving you a deep kiss, as if that was going to answer the question. He then playfully rocked into you one more time and laughed at your reaction to the sudden moment. You slapped him arm and you both giggled with each other until falling asleep.

When you woke Morty up, was sitting at his desk working on an unknown project. He was hunched over, leg bouncing every once and a while. You felt guilty when you saw how bad the scratches on his back were but then you remember the chunk he nearly took out of your neck. Sitting up, you wrap the comforter around your naked body. He heard the shuffling on the bed and got up to greet you. Laying on the bed and pulling you into a hug, rubbing his hands up and down your back.

“Sleep okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, did you talk to your dad?” you asked, worried about how upsetting the whole scene must have been for Jerry.

“No, he left,” Morty said.

“Like forever?” you asked?

“Probably not,” he replied flatly.

“I think you have like, blue and red something smudged on your eye,” you said, reaching up to investigate but your body got caught in a stretch. While you weren’t looking, Morty tucked the colored wires back in eye before you went to look again. Reaching back up to wipe it off but when you looked it was gone.

“Oh, guess I saw wrong,” you said, not thinking anything of it.

The rest of the night was a little awkward, the fact that Morty was so unphased by fighting with his dad was throwing you off a bit. It wasn’t like he would ever get sad or insecure about a fight between the two of them. But normally he got more angry and frustrated, but now it was like it didn’t care in the slightest. The house was now completely empty and it was eriley noticeable. As nice as it was to have alone time, you couldn’t help but connect’s Morty’s sudden behavior change in the new absence. You both were in the kitchen now, finding something to eat. Morty couldn’t cook to save his life, personally you knew he was smart enough to, he just is stubborn. You were making pasta out of the little amount of food found in the house. Luckily there was noodles, pasta sauce and half a bag of frozen meatballs in the freezer. Morty was hugging you from behind, as you cooked you thought about earlier and how aggressive he was being and now he was huddling to you like a child who just got lost in the grocery store. After putting the lid back on the pan you walked over fridge and start looking for something drink. He followed you, keeping his arms tightly wrapped around your waist.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” he said, kissing you on the back of the head and parted ways with you.

After going back to the fridge trying to find something to drink even though you knew nothing was in there. You let out a frustrated sigh and went into the garage, you had a fridge in your garage so you assumed he would. Even if there wasn’t, it still didn’t hurt to check. When you walked in, it took you a couple moments to understand what you were seeing. Rick’s body, all emaciated and purple toned, was strapped to the wall, hooked up to a bunch of wires. Blood everywhere on the floor, you could barely see the original color anymore. Blueprints everywhere, along with a whiteboard full of pictures that were connected by strings. The spaceship was coated in a thick layer of blood. The room smelt of copper filled, so strong you could almost feel yourself choking on it. You lift your foot and see that the bottom is completely coated in thick, cold blood. Immediately you scream and go to run out and see Morty standing in the doorway. He takes a step towards you, being in shock, you take a step back.

“What the fuck,” you said quietly, almost like you were mumbling

“Come here,” he said.

“No Morty, seriously like, what the fuck,” you said again but this time with your voice cracking and tears streaming down your face.

“It’s not what you think,” he said, taking a couple more steps towards you.

“Wha- Morty this isn’t something- you can’t just talk your way out of this or pretend it didn’t happen!” your back was now pressed up against the work space. Morty was coming closer but not in an intimidating way.

“It’s complicated,” he explained.

“No,” you said.

“Y/N, it really is complicated,” he said.

He took you back inside, walking you over to the bathroom. Not caring if the two of you were leaving bloody footprints across the carpet. He helped wash your feet off and then broke everything down for you. You had to ask him several times if he was fucking with you, to the point where he was getting irritating with the same question over and over. He literally explained everything. The citadel, the entirety of his grandfather’s lore, the Morty Market. The reason why Rick’s use Morty’s for adventures and the abuse and torture they endure. Even spilling into his own trauma he’s faced at the hands of his own Rick. Even though he didn’t cry or anything you could tell that it was hard for him to tell you this. He explained that he’s planning on moving to the citadel. At first that kinda hit you like the rest of the overwhelming information he was telling you about. Until you realized what that meant for your relationship. Surely he would have mentioned it if he wanted to bring you.

“When are you leaving,” you asked?

“After Thanksgiving break,” he said.

“Oh so what, was this like you letting me down easy? You- you just figured that I wouldn’t be as mad because at least you gave me your undivided attention for a week before you leave? Like did you really think I would just let you fucking leave. You fucking moron,” you said getting up and walked up the stairs, to Morty’s bedroom.

“You can’t come,” Morty said. You ignored him, pulling a duffle bag out of the closet. Starting to pack all your clothes and make up and whatever else happened to be in your eyeline.

“Are you fucking listening to me?” he asked, his voice becoming louder.

“Obviously not,” you practically hissed as you were packing.

“I’m not saying you can’t come with me because I don’t want you there. I want to be with you but it’s- you- I can’t guarantee your safety all the time,” he said.

“I don’t care,” you continued, he grabbed your arm and turned to face him.

“You. Can’t. Come,” he said, his jaw was clenched and his breathing was heavy.

“I’D RATHER DIE THAN STAY!,” you shriek, ripping his hand off your upper arm and shoving him back.

He reached up and grabbed your arm, pulling his portal gun out of his pants and opening the gateway. You were scared and tried to stop him from pulling you through it but the grip he had you was too tight. It wasn’t like you were completely unaware of his use of the gun, you’ve used it to get home from a couple parties when you both were too drunk to drive. When you came through the other side of the portal it was dark, windy and freezing. He was holding onto your arm so tightly you were sure there would be a bruise. But when you saw how high you guys were you literally started clutching onto him.

“Where are we!” you screamed only for him to be able to hear you.

“The actual top of the empire state building!” he said back.

“Why?” you asked.

“You said you’d rather die than stay right? So jump,” he said into your ear now.

“Why though?” you asked again, trying to see if he was joking by looking into his eyes; he wasn’t.

“If you need to ask why then you really can’t come,” he said back.

You looked up at him, you were exhausted. Tears were streaming down your face and you thought he would give up this little bluff he had. He just stared at you with a cold expression. You looked down and couldn’t even see the bottom because of how high in the air you were. Now, you were embarrassed that you said you’d rather die. It was painfully obvious he was doing this to call your bluff. Part of you was offended by this, did he really think you weren’t that serious about him? That you wouldn’t actually give your life for him? Was this entire relationship just frivolous and something he never truly kept serious. Looking back up at him and your stomach flipping when you realized he was dead serious.

“You want me to jump?” you asked, practically whispered.

“You’d rather die right?” he asked back.

Maybe it was because you were mad that he was trying to call your bluff. Or perhaps because you were gaslit, but you jumped. There were no thoughts in your brain. You know when you’re a kid and stick your head out of the window, and the wind is so forceful you almost can’t breathe for a second. That’s what you were feeling, everything around you was just colors and blobs, your eyes unable to make out anything. A soundless scream came out of your mouth as you closed your eyes, accepting your fate.

Morty was still at the top of the building, watching as you fell. He was getting flashbacks when Rick rhetorically asked ‘what if I wanted you to jump off the empire state building, I have to ask?’ Maybe it was because Morty had such a toxic mindset but he now agreed with that logic. Even if he took her, the likelihood of her dying is just 100% higher. He wouldn’t be able to take care of her with everything he had planned for the citadel. Not only that, he learned from Rick what happens when you have a women you love. They become collateral for anyone he’s done wrong. He knew she liked him, maybe even loved you but he didn’t know you loved him enough to jump. It made adrenaline flush through his entire body. He knew that he could no longer deny that he loved you. More than anything, Morty didn’t think he was capable of empathy or connection. He after he turned 7, he’d stop telling his mother he loved her. He didn’t cry at his Aunt’s funeral or during sad movies when he was a child. At one point, his parent’s were considering seeking a psychologist for how lackluster the boy was. Morty’s were normally girl obsessed unable to look past their own erection. Morty never felt this way, at least until he met you. He liked how you owned how hot you were. How you were never were worried with how people perceived you. He knew you worshiped him, he liked that.

He let out a frustrated groan and dove off the building. Making his body slim and tight to help glide through the air faster than you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and started opening portals for the two of you to slow down the fall. He looked at your face, to see if you were okay or not. Your nose was bleeding slightly and although you were blinking your eyes were glazed over, in shock. He opened the portals he was opening were all in dimensions where the gravity was getting less and less intense, in order to prevent as much whiplash as he could for the both of you. The last portal was back to his bedroom, he threw the portal gun on the bed. Lowering the both of you to the ground, you were passed out. He brushed the hair out of your face, saying your name waiting for you to open your eyes. He checked your pulse and was relieved to feel it was strong. After using smelling salts to get you awake, you guys just stared at each other.

“Can I come now?” you asked, which made Morty laugh.

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