#I mean thats only because I dont see my parents as affecting me that much

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

one of my batfam hot takes is that alfred having a very kind and understanding grandfather-like role is a boring spin on the character and lacks a lot of nuance around his backstory.

like he is a classically trained british butler which means he very likely comes from a working class family. and like, as a working class brit myself, i sometimes find the kindly, well-mannered grandfather thing grating because, a lot of white, working class men his age are unfortunately not nice people. some of them are like my great grandad was a really great guy, but hes really the only one i know who is or was not awful.

because their generation werent as exactly raised with ideals about mental health and emotional regulation. a lot of them were traumatised due to ww2 either because they saw it firsthand when they were like 15, they were old enough to remember things like rationing and the blitz, and a lot of them lost their dads in the war.

i dont expect american writers to understand how much ww2 affected britain (modern britain is still so steeped in it, its insane) and that generation specifically, BUT id love to see that explored more with alfred. like depending on where he grew up, he would likely have been separated from his family during the blitz and sent off to the countryside like most of the kids in cities were, (this is how narnia starts) and like, a lot of them were horrifically abused or used as free labour. a lot of them also lost parents and never got to say goodbye to them. many came back to destroyed homes. some kids also remained in the city or their parents requested them back so theyd experience the blitz first hand and would know the sign of air raid siren meant they might die that night.

you can see how a lot of that generation were permanently scarred. and for a few decades now, alfred would have been part of that generation.

plus he was also a secret service officer which is just like more opportunities to be traumatised and more reason for him to not be this gentle old man whos in touch with his emotions.

and like, as a classically trained butler, he would likely be more reserved because you know, thats how he was trained. also british men that age would also likely be very hands off in regards to emotions.

but the biggest reason as to why the gentle, kind grandfather take doesnt really make sense is that he raised bruce wayne.

like bruce has a whole slew of emotional issues and problems, and obviously some of that is going to come from alfred raising him because you know, thats kinda how that works. i know a lot of batfam folks want bruce to be this great dad, so i guess their take on alfred fits that, but canonically, bruce wayne is an emotional mess and not the best father figure at the best of times.

you cannot look at that bruce wayne and tell me alfred did a good job.

listen, this shouldn't even be a hot take. it's just an opinion that differs from the most popular interpretation of Alfred as an endlessly giving grandmotherly old man.

the thing about Alfred is that more than anything you have to recognize that he's an enabler. and I love the man to pieces, but at absolute best he was extremely negligent in Bruce's upbringing, if not actively encouraging the world's worst coping mechanisms.

I hate to give Gotham credit for anything, especially when it comes to Alfred since I hate their Alfred, but the show was bang on in its insistence from day one that Alfred should not have been Bruce's primary guardian. it's painful to watch how often Alfred encourages Bruce to tough it out and suck it up, and it never really stops. in one of the latter seasons (four, I think) he hits Bruce hard enough to give him a black eye during an argument, and this is ultimately written as a situation in which Bruce needs to apologize to Alfred for being a bratty teenager, rather than Alfred owing Bruce an apology for hitting him when he's a grief-stricken teenage boy cracking under stress.

and like, listen, I understand there are Watsonian and Doylist layers to this. Alfred fundamentally can't have been a good enough guardian to stop Bruce from channeling his trauma into fursuit vigilantism, because then there's no story. I get it.

but jesus christ.

I don't think characterizations of Alfred as a stoic caregiver are wrong, but I do think people don't want to think about how he got there. when I see the aged Alfred patching up Bruce's wounds and nagging him to eat, or doing his best to offer advice to the kids who have gotten mixed up in Bruce's crusade, I see a man who realized a long time ago that he dropped the fucking ball and has dedicated his life to doing as much damage control as possible. okay, so, completely failed step one (raise a well-adjusted child). can we at least make sure that this basket case adult man doesn't go completely over the edge? can we make sure he doesn't become a killer? can we encourage him to take off the mask and be Bruce Wayne sometimes? can we keep the children safe?

I do think Alfred loves all of them, for whatever its worth. his care for Bruce is real, that is his son, the Batgirls and Robins are his extended family. he'll cook their uneaten meals and clean the entire, massive house himself and stitch them up every night forever. he would die for them. hell, he'd kill for them. he loves them. but none of that means he raised Bruce right.

that's kind of the thing I like most about the Bats: they all care so, so much. but the way they love is terrible.

[im-just-an-angel]

one of the most sick things i have realized in the ppl around me who are still catholic, is how much they are plagued with catholic guilt. a girl who won't get surgery bc she believes its punishment for her sins. ppl who are nearly suicidal in their desire for heaven, and since heaven is coming, they do nothing to change their situation. they dont try to improve their lives or others or the planet bc at the end of the day this is a "fallen world" and "heaven is waiting." it is so sick to drill into a persons head since theyre a child that they were born evil, that they need god to fix them, they need god to sustain them, as if it wont affect their mental state at all as adults. my little cousins who have already shown signs of having anxiety about god, like asking if he'll be mad at them/their parents for doing normal, human things. like really being afraid of what that would mean. my opinion and love for this world and its people shifted sp drastically when i realized i could just stop. i could stop being afraid of god. i could stop thinking we all deserved to burn in a lake of eternal fire. who even makes a lake of eternal fire anyway? that very much does not sound like a me problem. when i left the church, i very much still believed in hell, and i very much believed it was a place i would go, and would deserve to go. but i chose it anyway. i chose the eternal torture, because who does a thing like eternal torture? if god would torture me forever, than that wasn't someone i wanted to associate with, consequences be damned. and slowly, i started to see the world differently. i know the world is on fire, and theres a few too many genocides occuring at the moment, and i do truly have it in me to detest forever the people who hurt innocent people. but still, desite it all, despite everything, i think we're good. yes, we do bad things, but at the end of the day, most of us just want to go home, and cuddle our pets/loved ones, and eat a good meal, and look at the stars and dream. we're not so different, and we're not so bad. idk where i was going with all this exactly, but i think the cure to catholic guilt is choosing to believe in the good. catholism says goodness can only come from god, and thats why were damned. but i think we *are* good. even despite all the reasons ppl give me on the contrary. bc i see ppl wish happy holidays to strangers, holidays they dont celebrate themselves, just to see them happy. i see strangers go out of there way to help people every single day. bc most of us understand that we all just want the same things, and are willing to help each other get them. we arent evil, and bad things arent some divine punishment, sometimes things just suck. the cure to catholic guilt, i think, is a love that can outcompete the divine.

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

i dont think liking/relating to shuro is bad, hes not a bad guy objectively he only blew up on laios because he was malnourished, exhausted, and stressed among other things. people hate on him unfairly and you shouldnt feel bad for finding yourself in him, hes a super fascinating and deep character thats very well written and, as you said, articulates the culture clash between asians and westerns that often doesnt get talked about.

im so sorry the fandoms need to hate on poc is affecting you, you deserve so much better

Yeah, you're so right!!

I thought Shuro was so very relatable as an Asian myself because reading between the lines was like a Big Thing that was practically drilled into me as a child. There's even a word for it in Korean: 눈치! Roughly translating to having a 'good eye' for reading situations or people.

It's common courtesy in most Asian cultures (idk if this applies to all Asian countries though!) to be able to quickly and correctly pick up on social cues, regardless of how subtle they are. And a person can be considered rude, dense, or even disrespectful if they don't manage to do that.

I do absolutely see the flaw in this system, that being that it can be majorly disadvantageous towards neurodivergent people in particular. I mean, my autistic ass used to get scolded by my parents a lot as a child because of various social faux-pas caused by my utter inability to read the goddamn room back then (I was a BLUNT child, alr). Which is why I can see how people could consider he and Laios' fight as a neurotypical VS. neurodivergent type of situation. Buuuut, I think it was more of a miscommunication issue that is a little hard to play the blame game with.

Ofc, he is a flawed character, and I'm not saying people are not allowed to dislike him, but I think it's a shame to bundle up such a multi-faceted character such as Shuro into one big negative label of ableist. I feel like it's wrong to throw the word around so willy nilly.

Anyways!! I really like Shuro despite his flaws, I can see myself in him a lot! Other than the noble warrior part, obv. I think it's nice that Rioko Kui portrayed a fairly unexplored topic concerning Asian and Western culture clash :)

Edit: OKAY, WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THIS BEFORE, BUT IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE HIM BECAUSE HE APPARENTLY OWNS SLAVES THEN THAT'S LIKE A WHOLE DIFFERENT CAN OF WORMS

[sasukeless]

2 If you’re still doing the controversial ask game

hi

2) was sasuke right?

ahh this billion dollar question isn’t it. i feel like this is the top 1 most discussed thing on this app for years, i have read every side of it.

to give #my opinion, im gonna go with yes. but its far more complicated, like most things are with naruto lol. i believe sasuke is right because he sees there’s a flaw in the existing system around him and to finally do something about it the only way to do that it’s to get ride of the system from the root.

now, as much as i agree with sasuke there i don’t agree with the way he tries to do that revolution. i dont mean this in a “oh violence wont be fixed with more violence” bs. i mean this because where sasuke’s goals are born for and how they affect his plans.

when sasuke finishes listening to the kages and it’s coming up with his thoughts, he immediately is bombarded by memories of itachi (itachi only, not his clan) and itachi’s words to him. when he states he will not let the village be destroyed he does it by adding “itachi’s will”. when sasuke is dying in the war arc his only thoughts again are that he doesn’t want to waste what itachi wanted to die. this shows us very clearly that sasuke’s revolution is very influenced by itachi’ wants. a little different, sure but still the same. which makes sense why his goal at vote2 is destroy the last person he loves and bear the hatred of everyone so the villages can have peace between them as long as they focus all on him. and this is quite what itachi did, just on a bigger scale. naruto = uchiha clan. the villages = konoha. sasuke = itachi.

^this is where many people complain that kishimoto had to turn sasuke ooc to make him evil and i can see what they mean but personally i dont view it as such when i look at what sasuke’s arc has always been. i have seen also that they dislike that post reveal sasuke’s character seems to be focus on itachi more than in his clan like in part 1 which i also disagree. itachi has been sasuke’s main influence in his character since day one. even in part 1, sasuke’s hate towards itachi isn’t just because he killed his clan, kishimoto focuses alot in showing itachi and sasuke having a loving relationship. kishimoto is very specific that sasuke’s biggest grief at the end of the day is not the massacre alone but the fact it was itachi who committed it. this is essentially what sets sasuke aside of other characters that lost their family/clans/parents etc. its not only what he lost but by who’s hands he lost it. so his focus has always been in itachi. so i dont think it was only part 2 that sasuke became more driven by itachi than anything else… anyways going back to the topic because im going off the rails (sorry).

sasuke has always had itachi first imo. and sasuke has always been defined by love too so ofc he’s gonna forgive the person he loves even if he doesn’t deserve it, ofc he’s gonna try to achieve that peace his brother “sacrificed” his life for (even if thru different means that he wanted you to). but while i understand and love sasuke’s character, i still think these are all very personal reasons for his revolution plans and thus why it fails.

his revolution plans are also self destructive but he doesn’t care because he still views it as his ultimate duty (again why he was so distraught when he was about to die without doing anything). he wants to become the bearer of all evil, and pain and hatred and wants to be all alone, even tho that is something that has caused alot of his pain in the past, he even talks about possible immortality and its just, well sad. you can tell hes about to sell his own doom because he thinks thats what he has to do to fix everything. he is ready to become a martyr. and forgive me but i view as that as a very tragic

so while i will always view him as being in the right, because when you put him in comparasion to most characters that doesnt realize whats wrong w the shinobi world, he will always come as one of the few that actually isn’t blind (even if its framed as bad for pointing that the system needs to be destroyed), i still dont think his plans are the right ones

[enden-k]

Can I ask what makes Arlecchino evil? I'm v much a villain enjoyer and like some morally greyness, but I genuinely didn't pick up on a lot of bad stuff with Arlecchino. She was super helpful during Fontaine and seemed to be the only powerful person who cared about helping the common folk when the water levels were rising.

I'm not here to start an argument, just wanna expand my view 🙏

dw didnt think u want to argue! i will also use this to say i wont tolerate arguments, this goes for everyone here

i will talk about sensitive themes under the cut (mentions of when i was groomed/emotionally abused by my adoptive father/mentions of abuse/grooming in general) so if someones not good with this, be warned please and dont click for your emotional comfort.

i really love arlecchino (theres also difficult, personal reasons ig) and id rather wait for her to arrive to get more information than we have so far through other characters/side quests/main quest but well.

her goals aligned with ours in the fontaine quest which is why we have the impression shes a good/nice person, especially considering our other meetings with the harbingers we met so far (signora, childe, scara, dottore) and the situations. shes very calm and diplomatic (lets see how it changes in the next update when we fight her)

but we shouldnt forget how the travellers on their toes the entire time/everytime they come in contact with arle. its because shes a harbinger after all. shes a danger. her graceful politeness and calmness is supposed to have you on guard, make your hairs rise. shes mentioned to be manipulative and shes manipulating others to achieve what she wants by being nice and calm. she has ulterior motives. we should be careful. this is my impression based on my own gaming experience and idk if it was the same w others, but bc of us being on guard around her i was always prepared for her to turn on us until the end of the main quest.

anw, arle is supposed to be intimidating and have you wary. even tho she comes off as nice and polite, having done good and helped in the main story. its bc thats what she wanted and you happened to have the same goal. also lets not forget scaras and childes thoughts about her which already tells a lot

she has two sides. the one we saw in the quest, the graceful, calm, polite face to get what she wants. and the other, the one scara and childe talk about here, the one they call "crazy"

not to mention her codename, "the knave". what does it mean? servant. what else does it mean? "dishonest/deceitful man". basically, swindler. isnt it perfect?

shes manipulative and whatever her "true" nature is, we dont know (yet). she may have "good intentions" here or there but will achieve them no matter what it takes.

as for the thing you can consider as bad; the house of the hearth is an orphanage that raises children into fatui agents. only those who have potential join the ranks while the others are kept close (its not known whats done with them afaik). theyre basically grooming/raising child soldiers/spies.

before the sensitive stuff comes up, for the ppl who dont want to proceed, arlecchino fools/manipulates you into thinking shes a nice person/good parent. its amazing and so in character for her. its also scary how some ppl cant see the abuse/manipulation unless you went through this too or well. just actually read and realize it.

arlecchino is an emotionally manipulative parental figure. now, this is coming from someone who went through heavy abuse/was groomed by their adoptive father who was extremely manipulative and i spot so many things very well known to me. others who went through the same get this feeling. these signs you immediately recognize.

you get punished for the tiniest mistakes and when you get loved, it makes you forget all that was done to you, just for that tiny bit of affection you crave. you try to do your best, to do everything asked and expected of you, not to disappoint the only parent you have and youre dependent on, to be a good kid deserving of love and when you slip up youre in shambles. there was a time i did a tiny mistake by accident and my father said to me in the coldest voice "you broke my trust" and i remember so vividly how it broke me, how i cried until i got sick. i was physically abused before and none of it hurt me more than this. it still gets to me after all those years. emotional manipulation is cruel

what im trying to say is, she came in a time of need. taken as a savior while it just is one abuser swapped out with another. like my adoptive father having me dependent, giving me love i never received and being everything i wanted, making me believe hes everything i need, a common thing abusers do. wanting to do everything youre asked of and do it good, the fear of disappointing and being punished, believing you deserved it bc its your fault and treating your abuser like a savior, being conditioned. this is whats happening.

now, arle genuinely loves and protects her children; its very clear that the life of the children matter to her the most (look at childes line and freminet/lynette etc) - she was one of them too after all. so, its possible to love and still do these. moral greyness etcetc

anyway idk if its understandable or if i can explain it in proper words while maintaining a good distance so ill add the voicelines of the siblings heavily implying this, and also a tweet adressing this that brings it to proper words, better than i can say

tweet here bc tmblr doesnt insert the link properly

[vultures-and-scavengers]

its not even that i like cullen (im lesbian af), and like im meh about his in-game portrayal and im REALLY not a fan of his "but you're one of the good ones" mage romance but like.

he's my blorbo and its entirely unwillingly. he just could have been so much more interesting.

he's the one ferelden in the room. the one commoner. the one person who has actually seen the horrors of both the templar order (they take in infants and children who will be given lyrium and leashed to the order, thats so fucked up) and the circles (magic is, actually, fucked up and they dont do a good job showing it)

and he has nothing to say about mr "im gonna retake ferelden" gaspard? like dude you grew up in a poor farming village and your parents almost certainly knew people who fought or were killed in the fight to kick orlais out.

his dislike for the nobility only comes up as a joke played for laughs, but like. he's a commoner. yes he joined the templars at 13, but you're telling me all those political intrigues and games the nobility play never affected his life? they laugh in their gilded halls and his family struggles to put food on the table and he has nothing to say about us sucking highborn dick the entire game?

the irl military has systemic issues with assault, and hell, you could have said something about that via the templar order, pointing out how higher ranks can easily abuse the lower ranks, especially with access to lyrium. you could have had something interesting to say about the chantry holding the templars as these holy warriors and then you get in and they call the leash that means you can never leave a gift because its going to steal your memories, which will be filled with blood and horror?

mages versus templars, the rot within the chantry, ferelden versus orlais, classism, imperialism, ptsd, addiction, etc. he could have touched on all these subjects but instead we get... vague references to da2 and kinloch and two scenes about him trying to break free of addiction that imo dont handle it... the best?

like, im a firm believer in the idea that all characters have stories to tell and things to say, and when characters are written with these things in mind, it can make them much more interesting. not that they should be used to preach-- its better to have a wide variety who have different things to say but you can see why they would say those things and have interesting discussions about it.

and he. exists. i admit the coin cutscene is very cute and im begrudgingly fond of the way he keeps the house castle secure while the inquisitor goes off and fights and he never pulls any 'im going to do stupid thing because you're going into danger and i dont want you to'. i like that he never tries to control the inquisitor and im absolutely tickled by him still saluting a romanced inquisitor in the post-perseverance cutscene. what a dork.

tl;dr, i guess, he's my blorbo and im mad about it because i only sort of like him but he could have been so much better. i also think he should have been a rivalmance.

[moonystoast1971]

LONG ASS RANT POST ABOUT LILY EVANS (i promise i kept it as enjoyable as possible)

im mad about something (i know shocking wow)

ima preface this but saying im a jegulus/marylily shipper but i can still notice when some of u jily shippers r acting goofy and treating lily evans like a side character in her own romance like yall litterally treating her like a background character whos names forgotten half way thru tell me why when she was hc as this skinny perfect body girl/beauty standard she was beautiful and she knew it, she was confident and she used it, she knew james loved her endlessly and he waited on HER to love HIM but now shes plus sized so shes still beautiful but only in the eyes of james and snape, she doesnt beleive james loves her because shes plus sized which immediately makes her insecure? she spends the whole fic sad and not beleiving james actually loves her so she denies him purely on the basis of that but he spend the whole thing trying to teach her he does love her 🥺🥺🥺 bc thats what all non perfectly skinny women need/want is some man to come tell them their worth bc ofc it couldnt have been noticed bfr him 🥺🥺🥺

honestly grow tf up if u write this its just annoying at this point. also i hate how they all have her as some mindless girl and her only trait is "i have red hair and am the object of james' affection OH AND I CAN DO MATHS AND OCCASIOANLLY SAY SMART THINGS!!! 🤩🤩🤩" like honestly stfu why isnt she allowed as much depth as he is i aint even fw jily but if u gonna do it at least AT FUCKING LEAST do it justice yk?

can we just like talk about Lily for a second like can we appreciate how much depth as a character she has? like drop ur fav lily hc personally i love the hc that lily was raised on a farm I FUCKING LOVE IT AND I CANNOT EXPRESS WHY like it just fits so nicely and i love it BECAUSE LIKE IMAGINE YOUNG LILY AND YOUNG PETUNIA (when they still got on - sadly severus probably would've been there too {yeah so what i dont like him fight me}) PLAYING AROUND THE FARM TOGETHER also meaning lily was an early bird cause she was used to getting up early like taking care of the animals with her parents and shit (specifically her dad bc in my head her and him are very close and she feels like hes the only one in her family who really understands her fully - not to say her mother doesnt shes just closer with her dad so gets more chance to see that) SO THAT BEING SAID when james and sirius are confused about mainstrem muggle things lily is equally as lost as them on certain things but just keeps quiet bc aint no way she lookin as dumb as them 💀

[hatgame]

UMUMUM *shakes sputters shakes sputters*

HI IM THAT ANON THAT REQUESTED U DRAW MOONJUMPER THAT ONE TIME *i still cry in happiness abt that everyday btw thank you!!!*

BUT UHH...CANN U TELL ME MORE ABT UR THOUGHTS ON SWEETENED DEAL? (Snatcher x Cooking Cat) I THINK ITS REALLY CUTE OKAY BYE THANK YOU! *peddles away on my Dora big wheel bike*

oh hello :) im glad you liked that drawing! & sure ^_^ glad you like it too

i commonly see it interpreted as snatcher n cc acting as hats parents and while that's sweet its not how i see it at all. i like them a lot more as her adult friends who take care of her every now and then but ultimately leave and trust her to handle her stuff, not taking that much responsibility. im not sure what thatd entail but older sibling snatcher (to hat) is kind of fun i guess. EMPRESS IS BOWS AUNT FOREVER THOUGH this im hellbent on.

ok i think i wanna talk about how ccs relationship w hat n snatcher developed. i always thought of cc as someone hat is the most verbal with, relying everything that's happened to her to him. while enthralled, proud and concerned, i dont think ccs that protective of her, hes shown to be much less responsible than people usually write her as tbh. she trusts hats capabilities n skills but still definitely recognizes that she is a child in need of support, and shes certainly warm and affectionate with her, but at the same time its not intruding or obligate, like a parents affection.

i think cc would be somewhat intrigued by what's up w snatcher because their behavior is so puzzling, probably especially so from hats retellings. once snatcher becomes a regular on hats ship (not his territory=cant assert hinself as much as he does in forest), where they probably meet, i dont think shed be intimidated at all, because i dont honestly think hed try to create that impression (it certainly didn't in the cut cafe scene. like, youd expect them to force someone to pay for them, but they're just kinda docile. they cant even get the people around them to answer their question lol)

i think snatchers like immediately completely pacified by ccs presence. i dont think theyd speak at all either. its lije those silent films where you have to rely on expressions and body language to tell what means what. its a little funny abd disarming because its clear they DO want to get something across, and thats a friendly gesture. it signals engagement abd cintact being established. snatcher would probably struggle with non scripted speech so this sort of communication would probably feel the least threatening. also would add to their already strange and interesting image in ccs mind

while idk how likely snatchers would be to actually do that ive been imagining him curling up in the pillows and napping only to wake up to cc sleeping either on top of or near them, since cuddle piles are probably common among cats + ccs impulsive. they probably would straight up forget to react. maybe they wake up to cc kneading them, make eye contact. one of them remembers cat social cues and slow blinks. other one slow blinks back. snatcher lies back down allowing itself to be kneaded. cc lies down on it. it changes position to be closer to it. not a single word said the whole time. its never brought up again but not forgotten.

uhh if they do eventually begin dating and hats there to witness it she probably wouldnt care much. bow would go awwwww Aawww though. mu is disappointed in ccs taste but probably warms up to snatcher eventually since they have a lot in common + snatcher mu friendship real and important to me

Ok this is not all but ill stop now. hope you enjoyed :) thank you for the ask. i really really loved dora the explorer as a kid

[himbos-hotline]

*drops in here*

You're into 9-1-1 too?!

(also I feel you on the memory issue my brain is currently fried)

*picks you up cuz ya shouldnt just be dropped thats MEAN! who dropped my friend?!*

I LOVE 9-1-1- !! Where dya think I got the name Evan from! I used to use Buck as a shorterning of the name Buckley for,,,,reasons. Now its Buck short for Buckshot, But evan is one of my favourite names that I use! The new series has already made me cry and we're only two episodes in. I keep seeing everyone getting really upset about coma!Buck and I dont understand it, I think it was done correctly and so personally. People really focus on love like its a one-sided romantic thing and 9-1-1 taking the twist on that to focus on the fact that Buck saved Bobby because in all honesty, Buck showed Bobby what it was like to love again and not only love himself again but to love a child who never had that father figure.

Buck figuring out to be happy. He just has to be buck. and Buck will always BE ENOUGH BECAUSE HE IS HIM! Is so fucking important. Being told something youre entire life/something that alters you entire life, like how buck was nothing but spare parts that screwed up, has so affect on a person. Buck started to believe that, the villian of his coma dream being his own anxiousness/inability to accept that he's enough and that he doesnt have to fix everything and that he didnt fail his brother or his family, he was just a child.

I have to rewatch the episode to get like a GOOD grasp on it because I spent half the time sobbing over it. But I am kinda glad we didnt get Buddie this episode. We got the fire fam mourning someone who now is such an intergral part of it, it doesn't feel whole. Sure eddie was the one who outwardly mourned the most [not counting bobby here because god I have never wanted to just cry more] Maube ill do a breakdown on the episode and see the hate fill my inbox because Im happy that they focused on fathers and on familys and on moving on.

The entire theme of closure in that episode and closure not being like a one and done thing- its omething that takes time and is gonna hurt and youre gonna feel like youre pulling teeth and its gonna feel hopeless and useless and terrified but at the same time its gonna be so rewarding at least a little bit, small things like bucks mother measuring the floor for a counch so her son is comfortable NOT so his house looks complete mean so much to people who have had parents/caregivers not care or not outwardly show them love. Chim lettign his father stay a few more days because he knows that the relationship the two of them have is shattered, he doesnt wanna pass that onto Jee. He may be her father but that doesn't mean that she has to get his rage in her bloodstream. Trauma shouldnt be passed down through generations, but it is. But its also possible to stop that cycle.

as someone whose had a relationship with his mother much like chim and his father. Seeing the "I dont forgive you but im not going to make my daughter hate you the way I do. She isn't me, I am not her." is so heartbreakingly calming. Moving on isn't always accceptance. Sometimes its just, getting used to their presence again.

[stregoniconiconii]

about the siblingification of friendships, sorry im totally about to make myself a stand in for steve here, but im an only child, i have felt v lonely, and i have this one friend who calls her close girl friends sisters,, and i just do not feel it, i love her, and she is one of my best friends, but i just do Not see her as a sibling. and i think steve would be the same way tbh, also my most sibling adjacent feelings have been for ppl around 5 years younger than me (just like Steve & the kids/teens<3) but unlike steve, i haven't had any intense trauma to increase the chance for sibling bonding.

idk i just think that it would take More for steve to feel sibling feelings for ppl around his own age or older.

i also think that when u have been on ur own a lot it's like, sure u want ppl around, but also u need ur space bc u're used to it, idk maybe thats just me lol. i also have an intense need for personal space and like my things are my things and no one better fucking touch it, (i mean u can but if u pick stuff up I'll be annoyed, sorry) but also i Crave physical affection, and sorry i think this is just a "why i relate to steve/things i project onto steve" list, oops.

but like i guess what i probably wanted to say is, steve is, as far as we know, an only child, and while i think we all want him to have good family times, i don't think that equals sibling type relationships with everyone, and i think it would be interesting if ppl took into account how living as an only child would affect him, and not only in the "his house was always empty so now he is filling it w the sound of his friends 24/7" way. like maybe its just me, and im projecting or w/e but if I had friends over All the time, even my very best friends(except maybe my best best friend<3) i would go insane i think

sorry for talking so much about myself, it's just things that makes me think about steve, and this is the best i could manage to express it at the moment <3

this just made me think of something very funny which is that Steve and robin DO think each other as siblings but because they're both only children they just. genuinely have absolutely no idea how siblings are supposed to act around each other and so they do things together that would make ppl sing 'sweet home Alabama' or go 'wtf' if they were actual real life siblings. like it genuinely is all completely platonic but it's still a line that siblings wouldn't cross lol (idek what kind of things yall can figure it out)

HOWEVER two only children who are very used to doing their own thing suddenly being very clingy with each other?? oh I just know there were growing pains. like they want to be around each other but also being around someone means Being Around Someone. they definitely had to figure out a system to make sure they dont murder each other lol

but yeah I do see what you mean about Steve maybe either not needing or necessarily even wanting?? a sibling relationship with everyone he knows (that isn't somehow a parental figure either lmaoo) the type of person I could see filling that sort of role for Steve might be likeeee an almost queer older sibling? like someone he meets in his 20s who takes him under a gay wing. I know ppl like to imagine Eddie doing that for Steve but that's definitely not a sibling framework with them lol and also Eddie's dead </3 but I can see it happening when Steve and robin move out of hawkins and get involved with the gay scene. or maybe him getting into a line of work that ends up forming these close sibling like relationships. idk lol

idk mostly im fine with Steve being an older brother to dustin and max you know?

alsoooo it's totally fine to talk about urself <333 it helps inform ur head canons!! I mean im the absolute opposite of Steve I have siblings and I grew up so close with my cousins they’re practically also siblings, so hearing the only child side of living Does make a difference you know 

[funshinebf]

more rambling; this time the focus is my mom and our relationship. heed tha tags 👍

i think its crazy when one of my family members like. actually sees how badly something theyve taken lightly or teased me for affects me. like. ive dealt with my phobia of bugs my entire life. i have constantly been teased for being a princess or being too cowardly and dramatic over something so small. but earlier tonight when i had my bug panic (i was grabbing bags of soda bottles from the basement and handing them up to my mom, and a bug crawled out from behind a bag i grabbed and scared me really badly.) my mom had like. a kind of surprising moment of genuine compassion for my phobia? like i was being very jumpy and tense and she did kind of start to pick at me, but i said "please dont be mean to me about this right now. im not doing this because i just think bugs are gross, i have like an actual genuine phobia and im really freaking out right now." like, as calmly as i could manage. and she like, got kinda quiet for a second. and then very gently was like "its okay, just take a minute and breathe." and like, tried reassuring me that there was only one bag left i had to grab and that the bug that was down there would be easy to avoid. it was just like. like i said it was very shocking to me to get comforted over something thats been a source of teasing for so so long, but it was actually like. really touching to me? i sometimes feel like.. im too forgiving of my mom? because like, she has had a pretty significant hand in a lot of my childhood trauma and my current emotional struggles. but she also... she's just a person. she's always just been a person who's doing the best she can with what she's been given. her childhood was also traumatic in a lot of ways, and thats only what i know about. thats only what shes talked about. on top of that, she became a mother when she was very young, and then a single mother pretty soon after that. i cant imagine doing that. and i think part of that is like... why its so easy for me to forgive her sometimes. because i feel like its unfair to her to paint her as some evil mastermind manipulative abuser, when she isnt *trying* to be abusive. she's just working with what she knows. what she's been taught. and she IS trying to get better, and ive seen her get better. i can see how different she is now from my childhood, not just in our own relationship, but with how she treats my little sisters too. and like, she still isnt perfect, she still has room to grow and change. but thats just being human. changing never stops. its not supposed to stop, we're supposed to keep moving forward, hopefully in a kinder direction. its so... it feels so heavy sometimes, having such a complex relationship with my mom and complicated feelings towards her. like. i love her. i really really do. and i know she loves me too, with her whole heart. but... i need to be able to admit that she has hurt me, in some ways that have left very deep scars that will always itch and ache. but i also need to be able to recognize that she didnt do it on purpose. i dont think any parent can ever be the perfect parent. the reality of being human is that you will hurt people, often on accident, often people you love, and often with good intentions. and parents are just humans. parents are humans that have taken on a very big and important and terrifying responsibility. and because of the nature of that responsibility, their mistakes can have much more permanent consequences on those they love, sometimes the ones they love most in the entire world. and thats kind of devastating to me, to think about how awful it would feel to learn about having done that. i can get frustrated with my mom a lot because i feel like she never admits her flaws or wrongdoings, but... while i still dont think its right, i can understand it. she copes with that heartbreak by being in denial. its not healthy, for neither herself nor those around her, but. again, thats what she knows. those are the cards she was given. and she still has room to grow from it. i want her to grow from it, and i want to be there to see it when she does.

i dont know, maybe im too soft-hearted and sentimental, maybe im too forgiving and understanding. but i want to believe in goodness in people's hearts, even when theyre people that have hurt me. waughh

[mushroom-ooooooooooooooo]

This is like...sooo tmi so if you see me on a daily basis like,,,irl. Like at school. Pls dont read this.

Cw: weird mental health stuff/ me talking about low motivation

So basically its the time of year where my body just shuts down. My bones feel like lead, it takes forever for me to get out of bed, and I just generally feel like crap. I love winter but the physical toll its taking on me this year is actually driving me wild. I woke up this morning and genuinely couldn't move my arm for 10 minutes because my bones just feel so heavy. And my joints are getting worse too. I can hear my ankles and knees popping every single time I walk, but especially when I walk upstairs. And most of my classes are upstairs at school. And my immune system also gets weaker, and because of that my psoriasis gets worse. I literally just go to school and then rest.

And thats a problem because my parents both have a physical disability. So all the chores go onto me. But guess who can't do them because I'm fucking depressed and in physically pain constantly? Me. My back constantly seizes up and i literally needed my dads help throwing taking the trash out the other day. I can barely stand long enough to do a "simple" load of dishes. (Simple meaning one for the deep clean we do of our kitchen every 3 months. Its gross. I wish they would rinse their dishes out.)

And all of this is affecting my mental health really badly. This probably sounds gross but I'm just now taking a shower. Its been 3 weeks. And I know its not their fault, but one of my friends made an off-handed comment one day and that made me feel a million times worse. And I've been really snappy lately and I feel so bad about it constantly. And my mom and I think I was misdiagnosed with ptsd because I dont exhibit any symptoms and honestly never did. Autism and ptsd share symptoms and I just dont think I have ptsd from whats happened in my past. And my brother also thinks he may be autistic. Autism also runs in our family, so...yeah.

I also feel like shit because I haven't been taking as good care of our cats as I should be. I love them and want to see them happy, but my parents also refuse to help clean their litter boxes. And thats the big thing I struggle with. And one of our cats has been doing their business on the floor. No matter how many times we clean it up,she still does it. And its really irritating, but i also think she just...cant get into the box. She's like...12-13 and I've been trying to get my parents to buy better things for the cats. We have 4. And we dont even have a cat tree for them. And my cats love climbing. They would have so much fun crawling on a cat tree. And I cant do anything about it because im a highschool student who cant even get a job. I don't even have my drivers learners permit yet.

And that's another thing!! I honestly think my parents are done parenting. My brother went off to college, and everything fell onto me. And like I understand that my parents work hard and that they're older (mom is 54 almost 55 and dad is 52 almost 53) and they need to rest but god damn. Im still a child. Most people arent the sole cleaner, cooker, and pet caretaker. Most people my age don't make grocery lists for their parents. Most kids my age focus on their part-time jobs and school. They actually did stuff before my brother went to college. I just want them to understand how I feel about it. I like cooking and I dont mind cleaning, but it becomes a problem when im the only one doing it. And yeah, I get $50 in allowance every month, and I'm grateful that my parents are able to afford to give me that much, but my mom always pulls the "we give you allowance for chores,". Chores is things like un/loading the dishwasher, taking the trash out, cleaning litter boxes, making bed, ect. Not cleaning the entire trainwreck of a kitchen by yourself and trying to make sure the floor is clean before your friend comes over for the first time in months. They're not parenting anymore, and it makes me upset. I feel like im just a random person in their house. Genuinely, my mom spends more times working on her acrylic nails than actually parenting. And she wonders why I get so irritated with her. She says hi to the cat before she does me.

And I don't even know if my dad likes me anymore. I think im just another financial burden to them. Im just a depressed high schooler with chronic illness who can't even go to school everyday. I feel so useless. I dont even know if I want to go to college. I don't even know how I have friends. I'm not a nice person. I get mean and defensive really easily, and my teasing turns mean really quickly.

I don't know why I am this way. Am I cursed? Is someone even reading this? All I do is shut people out and listen to music. I don't know why I became so rude. I just want to be remembered. But at the same time, I don't think I'm worth remembering. I'm not exceptional at anything. Even my once okayish writing has gone down greatly. I used to get praise for my reading skills and now I can't even read a 300 page book.

I feel so gross and useless and im depressed. How worse can it get? Im also extremely paranoid. I constantly feel like people are judging my every move. Even when im alone in the shower. I still feel people watching me. I should've probably told my therapist about that when I was still in therapy but my dumbass didn't even think to talk about that. Just that oh i saw my friend. Oh i started public school again. You know what? No one cares. And I probably wasted my therapists time. And my dads. Having to drive me across houston just to see her. No wonder no one likes me. Im fucking irritating. Thats why I have 3 friends at school. And 3 friends out of school. And one of them doesn't talk to me anymore, and another lives out of city.

The other is wonderful and amazing and I want them to constantly be happy and comfortable but I cant do that at my house because my parents don't help. Im starting to realize im kind of like a live in cleaner. Thats all I ever do in my freetime. Cleaning up after my parents. My mom acts like shes 15 and my dad doesn't rinse his dishes.

Thats another thing. Along with them not really parenting anymore, I think they've given up on me. Specifically on trying to get me to school. I miss school about once a week to once every couple weeks because I have bad flare ups. As I'm typing this, I can feel my legs aching. It hurts. And it makes it hard for me to go to school like that. The last time I did my back starting seizing during UIL rehearsals. And I couldn't leave. But today was one of those days and I genuinely felt like crap. My dad just agreed and didn't argue. Normally he argues with me about it because "I need to suck it up and do what the rest of us do.". I understand that everyone hurts and has bad days, but I genuinely get so bad during those days. And everyday has been one of those days for the last 6 months. But my parents don't really discipline me. They don't track my every move. They dont even make grocery lists anymore. Or really go to the store often. But our fridge and pantry is filled with a bunch of junk. Leftovers, empty foods that need to be thrown away, and literally so much more.

My mom is also a hoarder and constantly buys new things for herself. Like with her nail stuff. Im glad shes got something going for her outside of work, but why does she need 50 different glitters? I guess one could argue that im the same way with paints, but I dont leave my paints all over the living room area. And she literally has so much clothing. And most of it is on her floor. Its almosy unwalkable and I constantly stumble in her room. And our garage is filled with mostly her stuff. Clothes, old books, even her teacher stuff. Why does she have so much??

It irritates me because she'll say she doesn't have money for something, such as a cat tree, but then buy like...$200 worth of clothes and makeup at walmart, when we could've bought groceries and a cat tree with that. She just...irritates me idk.

Anyways, yeah. I think this is long enough for now. Goodmorning, goodnight, good...whatever idfk. Remember to drink water and eat something.

[dream-this-nightmare-over]

Kit Harington imagine part 2

If you like this, or if you dont, check out my other stories on wattpad (you might find something you like)!!!

Rest of my imagines/one shots you can find in my wattpad book Imagines that is being filled continuously by new stories.

Enjoy!

Friend from seven seas away and seven summers ago visited to return my pin and remind me why our love will never die

He came one day in january or was it december

I dont know. I dont count my mistakes anymore

He came with cold bite northern clutch

He came to wish me merry christmas

But we both knew he was carrying velvet box that became part of his every pocket

He still looks for me in crowds and next to him when lonliness hits, he upturned entire garden and smashed all mirrors in home that is more sanctuary than paradise, but still he hasnt found origin nor end of his anger carved in plaster of fustration peeling layers funny how once it finds soil you can never get to the bottom of it despite being the host. You feed your insanity because it keeps you from losing it all together, madness is not product; its perpetuer that gave name to reaction of defying to succumb to ilogic in matrix, bear the name of enemy trick to outcast the unwanted in system more easily. Am i being too harsh? Who would love me with mindset that sees fire under snow, enemies in parents, friends in taken, home in forest, liberation in thunder, imagination as only religion that can deliver, rhymes as confessions of unspoken sacred poem why you cant see vials are not only way to bleed the person and leave a heart dry cooled off skeletonial construction a churred hull nothing can grow from no one to call it a home. I am exiled from my own heart. ( i listened to others too much and wrote not enough lock picks to get me out of prison my mind fortified around who i am. who are we? Slimy grey liquer they pick apart under microscope or etheral reflection of stars? I have to be more than this materalisation of doomed for failure)

He had big fireplace. We used to sit there on thick plush carpet pondering over meaning of it all. Him drinking, me watching his throat move with every gulp, high on sadness. Mind you, i didnt know david yet, nor his metaphorical perfection eclipsed my every romance thought. Kit was everything i wasnt, yet my stream of conscious always met his; i watched him with adoration that comes when you are exposed to art for the first time. I went to museums before, but I was never allowed this close. Sometimes we would be joined by other fallen fellows. And we would drink for all the lovers who will never return affection for pain of loving them in silence. No one ever cared for my heart enough to show me love can be burden divided. Meeting them, showed me happy endings live on screen and in pages that dont spill in reality that is same losing sanity game for most people. Only reason there wasnt shortage of bandages, was because we were all liars, inheriteted strategies, hiding the wound smilling while bleeding, sooner die than let someoe see. But he saw me.

My best friend alex was dead for some time when my first friend came to our northern town. It was seventeenth day of christmas, harbour cafe bars were adorned in fairy lights, carols were mixing with generic mandatory christmas pop songs down the street, cinamon and clover drifting from patiseries on corners, ships and gullys christms trees wraped at bottom with blanket of frozen sea that will keep them stuck here in this fairytale wilderness till spring awakens with yawn that will run cracks along sleeping hardened earth and everybody will throw away their coats elsewhere in the world but not here, here cold lives with us, in cracks on pavement and drinks served with mittens.

He wonders if thats all thats left of me, if i took it little to literelly, to settle in place and make it home, lose yourself so they like you or go where they are like you.

I never told him about alex. He heard i moved on replaced our love with new friends, and i still dont know if i broke his heart when he told me to move on and i didnt fight for him to stay, he told me to be happy to find another crowd and i let him go like he didnt teach me meaning of patient love.

He was wrong. I didnt become cold. It claimed me before we parted ways. But my past is now under frozen slates of harbour and i would do everything so spring never comes; my past is burried in grave in forest that still sings hymes to my crimes; my past is more me than i am me today. I am ruthless wind he leaves windows open when blowing, because he likes the sound of things shattering, it muffles the wails of his heart that lies in pieces; i am words my father is horrified to hear and in his ignorance that he graces me with calls them bullshit, while i pour my heart out of every truth because lies have pulled the rope too tight around my throat around my mind around my heart i am running in circles so i write write write get it all out hoping one day words will get me out of my head and into sunlight that wont hurt; i am my enemy and i hate both of them.

He was in jacket and his curls were wild and untamed. We met in the middle of the street, greeting with usual teasing like no time has passed at all. Even then i knew time didnt steer him right into my path by pure coincadance. I was mad, you see. My mind tortured by reality it didnt recognize as authority over its wandering nature that seized every moment to escape in carefully created daydream retreat that had its foundations planted on drive home from party where boy with curls another kid that didnt believe anymore in happy endings, got so wasted that he never again remembered how he changed my life with just one conversation.

He had his demons. And i was getting familiar with knowledge they come in various shapes, and that no one escapes their acquantace; he tried to drown them. I never fully understood depth of misery that can carve a home in every surface underneath skin, settle there and dig further into essence of your being, with every hit more desperate to get to the heart where child hides, until alex died and i was left with his and mine demons and they were one and the same; where kit was my tragic counterpart whose sadness and anger matched mine if not in level of poisoning yet, in lonliness we exiled ourselves when we realised we are becoming poison ourselves; alex was romantic notion life can get better if you surround yourself with people who are in sync with your heart, who know not to leave you alone when you withdraw.

Kit knew when i needed silence; but alex knew i needed life too.

He said i left my pin at his place all those years ago and that he thought i should have it back. Or he just needed excuse to see me. He could've gone further north and see polar lights if he needed to feel me.

"i am not going up there again. Besides, you arent spirit yet."

Yet, i bet i haunt his dreams neverthless.

I turn my attention to golden pin i started turning over in my hand, inspecting siides like its not memento i used to keep on a bedside cupboard for years, just so I don't have to meet his teddy bear gaze. I cant afford to go back there. Cheap prop replica from some book series popular while i was still in school. More than a fandom triffle.

Relic of hope.

He carries shadow in his pockets, i have then too many to tell when one leaves me. Is love I stomped out under northern lights, somewhere out there or still in us?

He closed my fingers over it with his and held them there then pulled me in bearhug. He still smells like home.

We walked around town, christmas market and tivoli lights, shoulders brushing, pin heavy in pocket of my coat, Christmas carols and cinnamon in air, I don't remember he ever came to visit me back in day when I was just designated driver and he was the cool kid who befriended me.

II.

"Can i stay with you?" I whisper.

"Always" cookies are brittle i can hear him chewing on bite. Box between us is almost empty. I can see blades of grass underneath plastic bottom.

"I-" I have no where else to go.

"I know."

Ofc he does.

Past remembers its scars.

Your pain recognizes mine

"I left all my words with you"

"I came to remind you that words arent expendable goods."

Now he is talking funny. Like we arent living in the same world. "Words arent goods. No one wants to trade with them anymore."

"You call yourself ruthless. Be imposer, make them obey new rules."

"Its too late for revolutions"

"Its never too late for new ideas"

"I dont want to wait till I am one step from grave to make my name; i want to enjoy my fame. I want to enjoy life, is that too much human asks for on only planet it can survive?"

"Maybe there is reason why no other bio system wants us"

"Do you think they are so inhospitable because we lived on all those places already and ruined them like we are doing to earth, but cant remember for some reason?"

He turns all the way on his side to look at me. We are laying in patch of meadow left behind alex's old house now empty but for couple of bird nests under roof and broken windows, shards of remaining glass like jaws standing on guard clinging on frame warning signs little too late.

yesterday there were six teeth in downstair frame now there are four, three on porch where there were five two nights ago, none left in doors. I count every change knowing damn well nothing will change. But birds built a nest, badger was on windowsill couple of days ago, and branches started to enter thtough upstairs bedroom window that used to be his sister's.

Will his family ever call again? Will they ever know it ruined me to lose him? Will i ever grow bigger than my pain, or kit's tangable grief for my tragedies i make myself go through just to feel something, for who i used to be and who i have become, grief i feel is treathning to spill but he keeps it to himself for my sake, because there is box in his pocket that i cursed, coffin will rot, diamonds are forever, i should have known before i created his burden; will his grief be echo i will never outrun, only partner in crime, whisper mocking my shadow even in darkest places, forever would take to dismantle the pity behind the mask and they would still bring it up in eulogy to kill me one last time; Is grief only kind of tree that will ever surrand me in any forest i run to; i want to pin him to ground catch him off guard hit him until i beat that pity out of his warm brownies and melted choclated chip eyes that were never supposed to be found by prophectic lies my demons spread around, they were never supposed to locate that corner of my mind, my sadness was never supposed to grow bigger than his, he was the one who was supposed to save me when tide got too rough pull me out bring me back with his breath in my lungs, not show up from nowhere one ordinary winter afternoon after no call for years, ghost of christmas except this is the season i love the most, and he came to take away my fairy lights too early, he showed up like some king of north in black tight jeans and black jacket and black curls glistening on icy sun that puts jewels in his eyes, to tell me he is cutting the tie, all wrapped in his sad puppy smirk a charm i ripped away ftom my bracelet and now he is paying me back for thinking i can just kill part of myself without holding a funeral and writing an eulogy worth a dime or two or seven, no one will understsnd i want to tell him no one was there but he thrusts my pin in my hand and choice of words takes me back when he made love to me in one of alternative endings i created by sheer power of will to banish his pieces scatter our sin so he can never again haunt me in all his glory, dreams devoid of his warmth, imposed detachment, and did i save my sanity? I found new faces to finish me, argubly they took up where he leff off, for he loved me too much to ruin me when there was still enough hope i could become something more; all the names that took his place at table, gave me fairytales and adventures he never belived in, respite i needed, my indulgment was my ruination for i lost the grip on anything real, to run away from sorrowful conversations, to dance at parties and be crowned as kings and queens of town of my dreams, but he put himself back together to remind me everything needs to be immortalised in reality if i wish to stay hidden in my mind.

"Your mind is gold pot. Exploit the depths and wonders of your mine. "

"i am trying. Is that why you came? To guilt trip me?"

Of course he lays claim on my royalties. He created me, my madness, this frantic writing that never meets ending, all the ideas and pieces of conversations burried in piles of notes that mount to nothing because my mind is wounded animal running from society on too many places in same time, standing in front of his doors walking away letting myself in after he leaves i lay on carpet he changed nothing room is cold memories are charred coal in fireplace i just want his skin on mine as close as it gets i dont want to be myself make me forget i am real.

"I dont know where you are going with this" crow flew over us, it didn't even screech and I wondered what we look like to her; two bodies sprawled in grass, admiring sky, two skeletons with beating heart and tummies full of cookies and gummy bears, two humans: too big of a bite or not worth the bother?

"You got rusted"

He never misses the beat. "You havent used me in a while"

"There were others"

"You need to stop. This convo has run its course"

"I cant. i promised myself i will finish this tonight"

"Who am i if i dont write?"

He echoes my thoughts then settles with arm under his head staring back at stars above that dont care if we make it or die in sleepy towns working dead end jobs just to get money that will never be enough to pay for a new life somewhere far away where dreams lead the way.

Sky got painted over and stars vanished from outline.

"I am scared kit."

"We all are, kid"

"You wanted to shag me. I am not kid"

"I wanted to marry you too"

"They are all kids, those boys i imagine to help myself fall asleep. They never know me"

"Do you know yourself?"

"Does anyone?"

"Pondering over existential questions is surely not going to clear the picture"

I lost my best friend, kit! I want to scream in his stupid smug face. I want to know why! Not everyrhing is about you having superiror insight to backstage of all the revelations just so you can call quits on all your emotions you dont want to face and call them all bs because you are just as immuture as me and you wish happy endings exist but you prefer to live in pain because you are afraid of change and everyone is loser to you if they care because you kit, you are afraid to love and let yourself feel smth unless you know you can win!

Hello, i am your mirror. Glad we got here finally.

Car ride candies left on seat liquor in veins neon road you kissed me dont you remember we caught a taste of happy ending for passing second devoured by time, am I selfish for calling you out or you are for coming back around just when I thought I was getting better?

"I am scared there will come a day when you wont come right away"

"Past never forgets"

"But humans do"

"I am not real, y/n"

"I am talking about myself"

"Your dreams are entangled with thought of me; i have showed you how it can be, you cant forget what makes your soul alive"

I play with pin in my hand, caress the outlines, ridges and edges, my fingers remember the pattern the hope the comfort

But i dont feel the spark

World is as it is

Empty without my friend

"Here you can have it", i hold the golden thing in air between us. I see top of trees through tarnished circlet, i see myself flying away carried by the winds that tell me of my friend's last words, i see releasing those in my head, i see saving everyone left, i see peace clearer than ever.

"It kept me safe, now is your turn"

Save me i think the world is slipping from underneath me

Why does everything new feels like end of world, tell me i can bring myself with me wherever i go tell me i dont have to leave myself behind tell me its one thing that never changes tell me i can carry myself along until i become the most free version of myself tell me my life is not over yet tell me i am not dead just because things change tell me its just a start tell me i will get out eventually tell me you will be there on both sides.

He takes my head between his palms like he always did, and places a kiss on my forehead, and as i am falling into him for the last time, i find it funny how body remembers what heart had to kill to stop thinking about, shooting all the stars from the sky to put what it wants the most on the furthest shelf away from itself, my beautiful love will my heart when it hears yours finally know answer to why when the path is right, it gets twisted and complicated why then monsters wake up and forest gets dark?

He holds me and we stay that way while world is crying out its last but we know too much by now to help and prolong its death; let it go to sleep, let us be at peace, with new dawn maybe some better world will be born. (in which i will be more than dissapointment)

He knows i cant hurt him, he knew it will take me this long to write it all down, he knows he can come back anytime, he knows my mind is too far gone for anyone to find me....so he lets me go at last.

When the first drop of rain hits his lips, he says "amen (go in peace)."

[isaacathom]

just because i know that the romance isn't going to go well doesnt mean that it suddenly becomes a good romantic subplot i dont think

like, the mariette subplot in 4 sucked. she was a more interesting character (low bar) before she kissed him, and at no point in the romance does her motive and thoughts get any real focus. she offers token resistance to betraying her village for horatio then immediately does it when she realises not doing so will get him killed. weak behaviour. on paper there's so much to her - the revolution let her become a school teacher, making use of a skillset that her local noble had previously mocked and belittled. She's raising her younger brother alone - where are their parents? fighting for the revolution? dying for the revolution? murdered already by the marquis' men years prior? she has connections in this town, a home, a life, and NONE of it matters because Horatio is so hot or something. it just comes off as weak.

but the maria one. maria. thats the one thats real weird. because i know it goes poorly for her. I know she doesn't get what she wants out of this relationship, because every single scene in movie 7 with her demonstrates that she and horatio are on completely different pages, if not separate books altogether, about what their relationship is. He does not love her like a wife. He simply doesn't. He's a good man, whatever, he's not gonna be a good husband, because they simply do not have a shared understanding of what the FUCK theyre getting into. its tragic!

But that's the thing. I don't know what Maria thinks shes getting into. I don't know what is motivating her to go to these lengths. Horatio sells his sword to pay rent and she both buys it back and tries to stop him paying the rent at all - WHY. part of me figures whats happening is that the movie assumes that we care a lot about horatio because we're 7 movies deep and if we didn't care about him that'd be a fuck of a committment. So we, audience, already like him, and so it takes out appreciation of him and goes 'Maria likes him too!' she hasn't seen what we've seen. All she's seen is a hot man coming into portsmouth and failing to pay his rent in a timely manner because of a half pay bungle. What does she see in him?

And what else does she have going on??? There's some stuff, i guess, about being uncomfortable under her mother, of having her head in the clouds like her navy dad. but there's really not much. I don't get a huge sense, from movie 7 (i have not seen 8) about maria's internal life beyond that she's hot for the pitiable sailor who lives in her house. And that she's so, fucking, starstruck? lovesick? that she won't take no for an answer from him, which frankly is worse for me personally but whatho.

idk. the relationship feels paper thin, and maybe that's the point, because i know that horatio is gonna be a poor husband, is going to cheat on his wife, all that. in character he knows he fucked up, by trying to apply his navy cunning to a relationship and realising he has to deal with actual Consequence for that sort of thing. its. its bonkers. i dont feel like its going to explore his failures and their actual affect of maria, not just because we only have one movie to go and by necessity my guy is Busy, but also because she doesn't matter. if she gets upset, it'll focus on how it affects him. its weak, man. ykwim?

[thekingofwinterblog]

It’s all for his sake - Endeavor and the Sunk Cost Fallacy

My hero academia 301 is a pretty interesting chapter, but for me, the most notable piece of it was how Endeavour reacted to the realization that Touya couldnt surpass All Might.

upon realizing that his son might not be able to do it because of inborn physical limitations, he immediatly stopped his training, which frankly was the responsible and adult thing to do. 

This stint of real parenthood did not last long however.

After taking the matter to a doctor, he is flat out told that not only cant Touya achive what endeavor wants, but it is a direct result of his incredibly selfish and irresponsible attempt to play god, by trying to breed the “perfect” hero into being.

It is how you react when you lose however, that shows who you really are, and endeavor illustrates that very, very well.

Upon being told in no uncertain terms that his attempts at Breeding an heir failed magnificently, producing a child that was not capable of resisting his own immense power, but also admonished by his doctor for even attempting it, and adviced not to try again, Endeavor instead doubled down, while focusing on the child he screwed over from the start with his attempt at genetic manipulation.

It was all for him you see. Endeavor doesnt use those words, but that is how he spins it here. it was all for Touya, all for his sake. if i stop now, then Touya was all for nothing, a mistake, im doing this for my son.

if im doing this for my son, then im not responsible for any of this.

his wife however, calls him out on it, as she understands Touya much, much more than endeavor does. or rather, she sees him fully as a human being, instead of as a thing, a weapon, a failed attempt at an heir.

Unlike Endeavor, Rei is able to see the way this all is affecting her son. She is able to see, and understand that Touya has fully accepted what Endeavor wanted him to be. a stronger, and better version of himself. however, unlike Endeavor, she only cares about him as a person.

Endeavour by comparison isnt completely uncaring about Touya. like most abusive parents, he does possess love for his offspring, but it is forever tainted by the fact that however much he might care, or not care about Touya, any familial love he has for his son is tainted by the fact that to Endeavor, he is a failed experiment, a failed heir, not his child. 

He is the golden child that Endeavor was building up as his true and only heir, who he breed, trained, and molded to for that single purpose, and now that he’s reached a point where he cant continue that legacy.

so, its time to abandon him, and start over new, despite literarily having just learned how stupid this plan was, and that it can, in fact, go completely wrong, with a quirk that will fuck over the person he brings into the world.

Of course, Endeavor doesnt use those words to frame it. there is no way to pretend to be a hero, if you phrase it like that after all. Intead, this is the words he uses.

this is a very important series of panels for a great number of reasons, some that can be debated, argued, and we will probably never know the full truth to the questions because this is a series published in 2020′s shonen jump, and there are things that probably wasnt gonna fly with Hori’s editors, if it was the case.

but lets start with what can not be debated. Endeavor’s words here.

“If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice... Touya... Cant surpass him.”

These are very telling words, and however you believe The third and fourth children of the Todoroki family was concieved, there is not denying the meaning of what he’s saying here.

The only way that my son will stop being an idiot and fall into line, is if we have another baby. that is the only Right way to move forward. it is morally right, because if we dont do this, then he’s going to destroy himself.

there are two ways to interpret this scene.

The charitable way is to read it as the fact that he used Rei’s oldest son’s mental state as a justification of guilting his wife to have a third child, to give this attempt at a superpowered breeding project another shot, despite the fact that they now know that this can lead to a child who is essentially born crippled from his own powers, and despite the fact that Rei obviously understands the effect of them continuing this insanity will have on their oldest son.

the uncharitable way to look at it, is that he used this as justification for flat out raping her, and forcing a third, and then later a fourth child on her.

I personally believe the last one, given a number of factors shown in this chapter(the way this page is framed, the fact Rei obviously didnt want a third child, given she predicted exactly how touya would react, the way her eyes would latet turn when she looks at who is presumably touya which really brings to mind how she would later react to her youngest son’s face after her mental breakdown, etc.), but i’ll frankly admitt that withouth a direct quote from Hori, its impossible to know for sure one way or another. 

either way however, this is a very good example of Endeavor both being influenced by, and using Sunk Cost Fallacy to justify bringing another potentially crippled child into the world for his own, selfish goals.

sunk cost Fallacy, is a mental reaction to when you invest more time and resources into a project, that you becomes so emotionally invested into said project that you will continue to invest into it, even if it reaches a point that it becomes clear that the resources you put into it, far, far outweighs the potential gains you can achieve.

because if you give up after having invested years, and years of effort to breed, raise, and train a kid, and then all that effort was absolutely wasted. hence he choose to keep going, despite having learned what a terrible idea this is.

He doesnt care about the fact that his next child might be even more crippled than his firstborn, he doesnt care about his son’s actual wellbeing. he cares about the fact that if he doesnt continue this insanity, then not only will he not achieve his dreams, but everything he did to get to this point was for absolutely nothing.

and endeavor cannot accept that. and so long as he can justify breeding more children into the world, and there being any chance they might inherit both quirks perfectly, he doesnt care about anything else.

and the moment he realised that this kid wasnt gonna cut it either, he did it again. it is not a coincidence, that the age gap between Endeavor’s second, third, and fourth children were all 3-4 years apart. because thats the age where you can usually tell when a quirk will manifest or not, as established earlier in the series.

While she isnt brought up directly by Endeavor as a justification, it is very telling that Endeavor decided on having a third child, only after his second child was old enough that he could tell that that there was no chance she could take the place as his heir instead.

So, he had his third child, and as time passed and it became obvious that he wasn’t gonna be able to fulfill Endeavor’s goals either, he dumped him, and instead breed a fourth child into existence.

and finally, he struck gold. he did it. he produced Shoto.

everything was finally worth it, and now, everything would be absolutely fine. the cost fallacy had reached its end, and it was now all full sails ahead.

except of course it wasnt.

His oldest son, now in middle school, had been raised from birth to believe he would surpass his father, only to be thrown away, and getting to see his father try to replace him, not once, but twice.

frankly, this scene is probably my favorite in the chapter, because it goes to show Endeavor’s mindset. Natsuo made a point that their father completely ignored his older children. and he did... from Natsuo’s perspective. however, having a more thourough picture of things, we can clearly see that this wasnt the case with Touya.

Endeavor genuinly cared for Touya, enough that once he got that child he tried to breed into existence 4 times, he genuinly wanted him to just abandon trying to be a hero. he genuinly thinks of himself as a good dad here, wanting his son to abandon the mission he set out for him before he was born. of course, with context, this heartwarming scene is incredibly sad and insidious, because we understand why Endeavor got so attached to his oldest child. because he WAS the golden child. he was the child Endeavor genuinly cared about, and invested in, and trained personally with great warmth and enthusiasm.

And not only did he abandon him as a failed project the moment he realized he wasnt gonna live up to his ridiculous standards, but he literarily created 2 more kids to try and replace him, just as his oldest son was old enough to understand what exactly his dad was doing. over the course of this chapter, we get to see Touya’s start as a 5-8 year old, his deteriorating mental state over the years, until he finally seemed to reach the breaking point with Shoto’s birth sometime in his middle school years 12-15. 

Endeavor is in this scene, just not capable of understanding why Touya so desperately wants to become a hero, when obviously he isnt physically able to do so. he isnt able to understand that he is 100% to blame for the fact that his son is having a full emotional breakdown after literaly being replaced by his siblings. 

In other words, Endeavor genuinly think’s he’s a good person. a person who has made a few mistakes along the way sure, but a person who was always justified in the end, and now that he’s having to face the fact that as dabi would later say “The past never dies” and has to face the aftermath of his inane attempt to play god for the pettiest of reasons, things simply arent going to work out.

He isnt going to have a happy family, who can now put the awful early years behind them, he put way too much effort, caused too much suffering and sacrificed too many years of his life for this not to work out as he wants.

after all, if he walks away from this project now, and lets Shoto have a normal childhood, and decide for himself, with no pressure from him, wheter or not to become a hero, then the sunk cost fallacy will have reached a negative end. it will all have been for nothing.

and we know he did eventually double down on this mentality, literarily beating into Shoto that he WAS going to become a hero, and there was not but’s or no’s about it.

there was no way that Endeavor was EVER going to let things be for nothing. His treatment of his older children could not be for nothing. His treatment of his wife could not be for nothing. His treatment of Shoto, and the way he beat him black and blue to train him, could not be for nothing.

Because if it all was for nothing, if everything he feels guilty about was for absolutely nothing, then he was in fact, a bad, bad person, who had no justification for anything he ever did.

[dystopiansocietystraw]

sorry but dont you think thats just a tad bit silly? the whole point is the effects of nature versus nurture and how different events affect different people differently. thats why the whole concept of canon events is flawed because bad things happening to you doesn't make you more responsible or heroic, they just make you sadder. miles was being actively groomed by davis to be the new prowler, whether intentionally or not, and he tried to create a special bond that othered him from his parents and made him feel special (and was bringing him closer and closer to the truth of his secret identity ie, taking him to the reactor). that doesn't mean that 42 miles is a bad guy, its making the point on how our relationships shape us. it doesn't even mean that davis is a bad guy, and the original movie is pretty vague on miles feelings towards him, however hes never an "evil" figure.

saying that prowler miles must actually be a vigilante hero first of all, completely paints the universe in broad black and white strokes. ie, miles is good therefore he is good and will always be good. it oversimplifies and trivialises how the people in his life affect him and how being mentored by spiderman had a massive impact on his life. this isnt saying that miles is an inherently evil, or even nuetral character, its just coming from a frustrating place of moral superiority. the movie is showcasing how living in a corrupt unfair society will turn you into someone borderline unrecognisable, capable of things you would never expect.

which leads me to my second point, it is in direct opposition to miguels ascertation that canon events are what makes them heroes. the exact big tragic canon event that will supposedly cement him as spiderman and "fix him" (remember, they only want to keep him contained until after his dad has died) is the very event that causes his decent into becoming the prowler, as is implied. who knows how many alternate spidermen there are out there who were driven crazy by their uncle, or their lover/friend, or their police chief, or their parents dying. we see in gwens reality the bullying that makes peter parker so charming and charismatic is other universes, turns her peter into a crazed scientist hell bent on revenge that means he ends up dead. spiderman, and his villians, are very often characterised by tragedy, and atsv has so far played with these ideas of what tradedy does to a person.

also, i dont think i have to explain how the first theory is flawed. first of all, his "destiny" was to become the prowler, cope. secondly, the whole mythos of spiderman is that he is the "one and only" (in his universe) and the anomoly that killed peter parker is the same one that got miles bit in the first place. the whole point is that he cannot exist as spiderman while his (peter parker) spiderman lives, meaning he indirectly kills him. this contributes to his anomaly status and others him significantly more to the spidermen and spider society. this is what makes him so much more willing to bend and break the rules of this society because it has rejected him for his very existance.

my fave atsv theory is actually "1610 miles was always going to get bit in that alchemax, he just got bit a little earlier by a different spider". my second favorite is probably "42 miles and 1610 miles are about to team the fuck up, and 42 miles is actually a vigilante hero, just never got the spider powers."