im-just-an-angel

[im-just-an-angel]

Look, we joke a lot, but really, "you were born evil, wretched, worse than the scum of the earth, and it took killing a god to make you salvageable, so now you'd better be grateful to that god and thank him 10,000 times a day for it and fill your thoughts with him 24/7 and abide by the letter of his every word, lest you suffer unimaginable torture for all of eternity" is a truly horrendous thing to believe about yourself and other people

[im-just-an-angel]

Pope Francis saying “Gay people will be tortured for eternity in the flames of Hell, but we shouldn’t put them in jail in the meanwhile” and being praised as a progressive icon

[im-just-an-angel]

Honestly the "you were just hurt by Fake Christians" thing is slightly amusing to me now because so many of the people who say that, who believe they're "real Christians" that can undo the harm those "fake Christians" caused with a little love... don't even realize that they have the same beliefs as the "fake Christians", they just happen to say it a little nicer <3

[im-just-an-angel]

there is something so mortifying and traumatic about deconverting from christianity from an ethical standpoint as opposed to truth-seeking. you're sitting there, picking fights with god over everything he's done and encouraged, knowing full well that you're consigning yourself to unfathomable eternal torment, and only after that do you question if he's real. and those are burnt bridges that cannot be rebuilt. even if you proved the biblical god to me beyond a shadow of a doubt, i could never return to the church. all you'd have done is shown me that when i accepted damnation i was right to do so.

[im-just-an-angel]

i wish catholics understood that queer people are not welcomed in the church.

the most progressive pope in history still lambasts gender theory and gender-affirming surgery.

yes, there was some semblance of community in that space. but not for me, never for me. i was never whole, in church. the person i was in that space was always an empty shell, because i was forced to cut out my heart and insides and leave them at the door to come in.

now that i have freed myself, i am outside and whole and more joyful than i ever was in that space. can you begin to see how inviting me to subject myself to that again is not love?

i understand that you want the best for your queer ex-catholic friends. but listen to us and our experiences when we tell you about the selves we had to kill just to be accepted, and how we were only able to begin to accept and heal ourselves after leaving. i was told constantly that this desire, this part of myself, my very heart, was sinful, that it had to be culled. can you begin to see why this led me to believe i was better dead than alive?

please understand this, before you ask. that is all i request.

[im-just-an-angel]

@/folkoftheshelf on Twitter has made a thread of fundraising links for Gazans. I’ve transferred the links here, please boost them as the conflict is worsening:

Help Ahmad Hassan and his family escape Gaza

Help Halla Morshed’d family escape Gaza

Help Dr. Yousef Alsweisi and his family escape Gaza

Evacuate Sohad’s family out of Gaza

Help Donia Tanani and her family escape Gaza (they are close to reaching their goal!!)

Help Zinh and her family escape Gaza (they are close to reaching their goal!!)

Help this Gazan family rebuild their lives (they are not close to their goal as of writing)

Help the Zack Family

Help Hala Jad and her family (they are at a 1/3 of their goal)

Help Walid and his family escape Gaza (they are close to reaching their goal!!)

Help Mariam Radi and her family (as of right now they are not close to reaching their goal)

Help Maha Abu Shammala evacuate the family from Gaza (they haven't met their goal as of writing)

Help Ronza Alaa and her family (they haven't met their goal as of writing)

Help Noor and her family evacuate to safety (they haven't met their goal as of writing)

Help Manar Abuqata get his family out of Gaza (goal hasn't been met as of writing)

Help Farah save her family

Help Ahmad’s family escape from Gaza to Egypt

Help evacuate Mohammed Harara’s family out of Gaza (they are halfway through their goal!!)

Help Dana and her family escape (they have almost met their goal!!)

Help Anas’ family escape from Gaza (goal has not been met as of writing, note that the money is in krona, 1 usd=11 krona)

Help Ibrahem Ra’fat Daher and his family evacuate Gaza

Help Hakam Albalawi save his family (goal had not been met as of writing)

Help Tabseem AbuJamie’s family evacuate (goal hasn't been met and only has two donations as of writing)

Rafah Masterpost

[im-just-an-angel]

i dont want god’s forgiveness. i want HIM to apologize to ME.

[im-just-an-angel]

Lullaby for Gethsemane

Because the mandate to “watch and wait” did a number on my psyche growing up.

The end of the world is not coming.

The good that is here now will keep.

The river of Lethe is now running.

Let the warm waters in. Go to sleep.

In the garden, somebody is praying.

His back, like the branches, is bowed.

The trees and grasses are swaying.

There is no way to rescue him now.

You don’t have to sit here and cower.

There is nobody you owe. 

The night of that terror is over.

It was over a long time ago.

The end of the world is not coming.

You can let your oil run dry.

The rest of the world is now slumb’ring.

Hush, child. You don’t have to cry.

You don’t have to act as a witness.

You don’t have to stay up and wait.

The world will keep turning without us.

This sin is not yours to negate.

In the garden, the crickets are cheeping.

The flowers are tucked in their bed.

It’s late, and you should be sleeping.

Give up and lay down your head.

No law says all violence has meaning.

Humans hurt, and they wound, and they weep.

The end of the world isn’t coming. 

It will never be here. Go to sleep.

[im-just-an-angel]

Look, we joke a lot, but really, "you were born evil, wretched, worse than the scum of the earth, and it took killing a god to make you salvageable, so now you'd better be grateful to that god and thank him 10,000 times a day for it and fill your thoughts with him 24/7 and abide by the letter of his every word, lest you suffer unimaginable torture for all of eternity" is a truly horrendous thing to believe about yourself and other people

[im-just-an-angel]

Hope is not a finite resource. We will not run out. Hope increases as it is shared. I will hope, and you can hope, and we will hope together and increase our stores.

Hope is infinite. This is not the end - not as long as we are still here, still hoping. There is no end to hope. This is not the end.

[im-just-an-angel]

not sure how many other cult survivors/ex-evangelical types are having horrible end times/rapture anxiety, but i assume its a lot of us. hang in there, y’all

[im-just-an-angel]

TW Religious trauma

Sometimes I don’t think I have any religious trauma and then I remember when I was little I heard the pastor say that the rapture will come when no one was thinking about it. So logically I spent a big chunk of my childhood obsessively thinking about the rapture so it wouldn’t happen and then people wouldn’t burn and I would get to keep living and going to school with my friends. Because as long as I was thinking about it then someone was thinking about it so it wouldn’t happen. And I don’t think a lot of normal children stayed up all night worried that that they were the only thing standing between God and a mass execution.

[im-just-an-angel]

Sending love and support to all the ex-Christian folks out there finding themselves triggered and retraumatized by current events. The beliefs you were taught were profoundly damaging, and recovery isn't easy. Be kind to yourselves and do whatever you need to keep yourselves stable and grounded right now.

[im-just-an-angel]

TO WHOEVER NEEDS TO HEAR THIS:

THE RAPTURE IS NOT REAL.

it will NOT happen.

The rapture was only introduced into US christianity in the late 18th-19th centuries.

Fundamentally, the rapture serves as a boogeyman to lord over believers, keeping them trapped in the church because....well....you dont want to be left behind when the rapture happens, do you?

YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO TAKE THE MARK OF THE BEAST. THERE IS NO ANTICHRIST. THEY HAVE BEEN SAYING THE END TIMES ARE NEAR SINCE TIME STARTED. ALL OF THE "SIGNS" ARE JUST THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN HAPPENING IN THE WORLD FOREVER. THEY WILL HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN. AND THE RAPTURE WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

you will not hear a trumpet call and then be left alone. you will not have to survive the tribulation of apocalyptic hell with satan ruling the earth until christ returns.

i promise.

you have a future!!!! you really do!!!! life will not end suddenly bc of the rapture.

plan for your future!!! envision it!!!! think about places you want to go and people you want to spend time with!!!

in order to build a beautiful future for yourself you must envision it!!!

[im-just-an-angel]

i cannot describe how much purity culture hurt.

[im-just-an-angel]

random thought:

I think "sex is just another activity you can do with a person" arose as a response to the conservative christian "sex is the most Sacred Important Thing Ever and you HAVE to do it Correctly and only Within Marriage or it's The Most Damaging Sinful Thing That Tarnishes You Eternally." Which definitely needed to be criticized.

however when I see it expressed as like "sex isn't a special activity or inherently different than other things" I think. Well it is though?

I mean that being allowed into the intimate boundaries of another person's body inherently has more responsibilities (making sure the other person feels safe, caring about their comfort and pleasure, communicating clearly) than like...going on a walk in the park with that person

Which really just more starkly highlights how twisted purity culture is? "Sex is an activity with special significance" should mean, "If you are being really intimate with someone and you don't care about their pleasure and wellbeing and listen to their wants and needs, you could really, REALLY hurt them," not "If you have sex with anyone except the single person you've gotten married to and are committed to for the rest of your life, gross fungus literally grows on your soul."

[im-just-an-angel]

I cannot express how jarring it was after being raised by a "Porn Addiction Coach" to get into a relationship with a woman and come face to face with the fact that she did actually want me to sexually desire her.

Like, in Evangelical Purity Culture, male desire was basically poison. It was a threat. It was this constant temptation that would destroy everything. And even after leaving, in the sort of queer, feminist spaces i spend most of my time in that wasn't something that pretty much anyone was spending time actively dissuading me from feeling.

But my desire is good. It's not something that I'm being accepted in spite of. It's a positive thing. It's a bonus. Not even just vanilla stuff, all the stuff I'd convinced myself were these weird terrible desires that were shameful to have.

It honestly took me over a decade to fully accept that. To stop dissociating during sex and confront that I was, in fact, being a massive perv and that was fantastic and preferable and that I could accept that into my self-image without shame or self hatred.

But it's important to do. It's important to leave relationships that don't welcome that part of you. To know that your sexuality is valuable and valid and worth owning and celebrating. Because the alternative is just...not being. Either existing as yourself and repressing the part of your identity that is sexual or allowing that sexuality to exist but turning off your self while it does.