#there is still no way to exist as catholic and queer

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Thinking about step 9 and the whole concept of forgiveness of one’s self and others and it bringing healing and how bobby and Eddie have been paralleled a fair amount and the idea that Eddie started this process back at the end of s5 with his forgiveness and acceptance of his father but how he hasn’t yet gone anywhere near his mother and their relationship .

How his catholic guilt storyline seems more likely to play on his reltionship with his mother than his father (if his father wasn’t around that much it would’ve been Helena taking him to church etc each week) so the idea of an Eddie - Helena storyline that plays on catholic guilt and potentially his queerness in relation to that has me chewing on glass - it could be so epically good

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

still thinking about meeting with my bestie today

[phantaloon]

.

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

Y'know, there's this gripe I've had for years that really frustrates me, and it has to do with Love, Simon and people joking about it and calling it too-pg and designed-for-straight-people and all the like. (A similar thing has happened to Heartstopper, but that's another conversation.)

I saw Love, Simon in theaters when it came out my senior year in high school. I saw it three times, once with my friends/parents on opening night, once with my brother over spring break, and once with my grandparents.

On opening night, the air in the room was electric. It was palpable. Half the heads in there were dyed various colors. Queer kids were holding hands. We were all crying and laughing and cheering as a group. My friends grabbed my hands at the part where Simon was outed and didn't let go until his parents were saying that they accepted him. My friend came out to me as non-binary. Another person in our group admitted that she had feelings for girls. It was incredible. I left shaking. This was the first mainstream queer romance movie that had ever been produced by one of the main five studios, and I know that sounds like another "first queer character from Disney" bit but you have to understand that even in 2018 this was groundbreaking. Getting to have a sweet queer rom-com where the main character was told that he got "to breathe now" after coming out meant so much to me and my friends.

But also, from a designed-for-straight-people POV (which, to be frank, it was written by a bisexual author and directed by a gay man, this was not designed for straight audiences), why is it a bad thing that it appealed to the widest possible audience? That it could make my parents and grandparents see things in a new light? My stepdad wasn't at all interested in rom-coms but he saw it with me because it was something I cared about and he hugged me when we came out of the theater. My very Catholic grandparents watched it with me and though my grandpa said he still didn't quite understand the whole 'gay thing,' all he wanted was for me to be happy and to have a happy ending like Simon did. My Nana actually cried when Simon came out and squeeze my hand when his mother told him he could breathe.

And when Martin blackmailed Simon, my mom, badass ally that she is, literally hissed "Dropkick him. Dropkick him in the balls" leading to multiple queer kids in the audience to laugh or smile. Having my parents there- the only parents, by the way, out of my group of queer and questioning friends- made multiple people realize that supportive adults were out there. That parents like those in Love, Simon do exist in real life.

When people complain about Heartstopper not being realistic or Love, Simon being too cutesy, I remember seeing Love, Simon on opening night. I remember my friend coming out and my stepdad hugging me and my mom defending us through this character. I remember the cheers that went through the audience when Bram and Simon kissed and the chatter in the foyer after the movie was over and the way that this movie made me understand that happy endings do exist.

Queer kids need happy endings. Straight people need entry points to becoming allies. Both of these things can come together in beautiful ways. They can find out about more queer culture later, but for now, let them have this. Let them all have a glimpse at a better, happier world. Let them have queer joy.

[bengiyo]

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo: We Are So Fucking Back

I am glad that we are all having a normal one in reaction to Hwang Da Seul's latest project (@chicademartinica, @dropthedemiurge, @shortpplfedup, @lurkingshan). I'm still meditating on the whole affair, but for now want to get into how Hwang Da Seul feels so compassionate to closeted men, and how I also am stuck on the removal of the cross (@my-rose-tinted-glasses).

Shan already linked back to The Knowing, and I keep thinking about how rare it is to see two boys who've already come to an understanding of themselves meeting each other, and also including a bully who knows himself. What stands out for me with Hwang Da Seul is how old the pains weighing on her characters feel each time.

Dohee has suffered the abuse of his father, abandonment of his mother, and dissolution of his closest friendship, and he's just pushing through to leave all of this. His pain is obvious and lived in. He doesn't have to sit around moping exclusively about how he feels, because it's ever present. Like anyone else living with chronic pain, you just have to do stuff while hurting a lot of the time.

Juyeong is so fascinating to me because his exuberance and passion makes it almost impossible to hide who he is, and I will always be a sucker for the characters who love so loudly that you can't turn it off. I also keep thinking about how he has been communicating his attraction through his eyes so often, and how he's made desire known through all of his careful flirting.

The building romance between them hits for me most because they're paying attention to each other. Dohee made food that he realized Juyeong would like, is careful about hurting him in their sparring matches, and went for the ice cream that Juyeong said he wanted. Juyeong heard Dohee say he wanted to see snow, and so he made snow for him!

Now, back to that cross. Rose's post and one @benkaben posted have been rattling around in my head for hours. We know that Juyeong's mom is a pastor, and that he's being sent here as essentially conversion therapy (as Shan already pointed out). It's not just that he takes the cross off before confessing, which clearly shows that he's setting everything associated with that aside. It's that he's also confessing through a wall. It's such a small detail in how you can set aside the weight of responsibility and guilt associated with your queerness, but you don't lose the cultural touchstones: for some Christians (I was raised Catholic) you confess your signs through a mild layer of anonymity by putting some sort of wall or separation between you and the priest. There's something so subversive about having Juyeong set down his cross but still confess his feelings like a Christian.

I am also curious where Hyeonho will feature in the rest of this story. It's clear that he and Dohee felt something between each other at some point, and that Hyeonho ran from it. He doesn't want Dohee to get hurt too badly, and he's observing the growing relationship between Dohee and Juyeong. I'm so happy this character exists, because it gives us three characters struggling with the pressures on them to be a certain way. If we had to have a character who will make ugly choices around that, it helps for it not to be part of the main pair, and it also shows that these boys have not been the only queers around that they knew of.

Finally, let me just thank Hwang Da Seul for not being precious about the kissing. I like that their first proper kiss was their second kiss, and I like that it was awkward. I loved them false starting multiple times, trying to make sure they weren't observed too closely (considering their history), and I like that they built back to it. I know that kissing early means we're in for much pain, but it's so nice to have a show not dance around the kissing, or have it be especially mild. I like when two boys like each other and go for it.

I'm so happy that Hwang Da Seul is back. Every time I watch her shows I feel like I'm talking to someone who understands what the inside of the closet looks and feels like. I always feel seen by her in a way that feels gentle. She lets me remember how scary and ugly all of that was without it being a triggering or jarring experience. Peak drama season is upon us, because we're also about to get Love in the Big City in just three days. See you all on the other side.

[ohholydyke]

I’ve received enough asks and messages about my process of balancing Christian bigotry and its harms with my queerness and love for god, so I’m going to make a blanket post, though ofc I still always welcome asks and questions and all:

I was raised Protestant fundamentalist. I’ve known I was queer since I was a child. Trust me, I’ve been through every process you can think of coming out of that. I prayed the gay away, I spent nights soaking my pillows in tears begging God to change me or my family, I wrestled with God and faith and Christianity over and over again, I was angry and bitter and broken and depressed and traumatized and wounded and spiteful and all the emotions that arise out of the grief those circles will put on you. I walked away from God and religion entirely for several years. I spent that time deconstructing, letting myself feel my rage and my grief, tearing out the jagged shards of fundamentalism chaining me down and embedded into my soul piece by bloody, painful fucking piece over and over again. There are still some pieces lodged deep inside me. Things I either can’t quite reach yet or don’t know are there because when fundamentalist Christianity is all you know and all you are raised in it touches every single thought and concept and aspect of who you are and how you exist. Sometimes I still find myself back in that place—screaming and sobbing at the weight of it all, at the childhood and family and life that was ripped away from me and replaced with a CPTSD diagnosis and broken relationships.

The difference is that now, I have found my way back to Christ. Through Catholicism, I was able to pray to Mary and the Saints when I thought God had shut his ears to me. I was able to sit in mass and it was the first time in my life I could go through a Christian service without being dissociated and immediately triggering my CPTSD. I was able to find Catholics who showed love and support and respect for my queerness and my politics and my pain. I am eternally grateful to them. When I was buckling from the weight of it all, I found myself (an agnostic with Protestant roots at the time) sobbing alone in a chapel in the middle of the night, feverish and delirious with grief. And there, in the depths of my despair, like Job I felt God’s presence and heard his voice. I felt Christ sitting by me, holding me, not denying my pain but embracing it and taking it unto himself.

So when I find myself back in the valley of the shadow of death, I breathe and remember I’ve been there before, and I know God is with me. I may not understand why we endure suffering, or why hatred is allowed to exist in the world, or why evil and sin and the fall occur at all, or why God allows bigots to cause such violence in his name. But I can no longer deny that he exists, and that he loves me, and suffers with me, and I love him.

[middle-earth-mythopoeia]

Yes, there are gay characters in Tolkien’s books

There seems to be an entrenched view among Tolkien fans that Tolkien did not write any gay characters, and that by interpreting any of his characters as gay you are going against what he would have wanted. Homophobes obviously believe this very strongly, and have always been hostile towards queer fans and queer interpretations of Tolkien’s works. Many members of the LGBTQ community also believe that they’re contradicting canon when they interpret Tolkien’s characters as gay—the only difference is they don’t mind doing so.

But is it so against canon to interpret any of Tolkien’s characters as gay? The assumption that Tolkien did not write gay characters hinges on his Catholicism, but I’m going to explain why this is flimsy reasoning.

First, it should be noted that Tolkien didn’t leave any writings expressing his views on homosexuality, so there is no evidence one way or another. But it seems relevant that Tolkien was good friends with W.H. Auden and corresponded with him over multiple decades. They first met when Auden listened to one of Tolkien’s lectures at Oxford and was inspired to learn Anglo-Saxon. Auden loved Tolkien’s poetry and prose and defended LOTR from critics at a time when it was seen as an unserious work in an unserious genre. Did Tolkien know Auden was gay? We don’t know for sure. But there’s at least a chance that he did: the secret of Auden’s homosexuality is one he “loosely kept”, according to an article in the Guardian.

So, Tolkien was friends with a gay man whom he may or may not have known was gay. But are there gay characters in Tolkien’s books? Unfortunately for the homophobes, even if you believe that Tolkien opposed homosexuality on principle, that still doesn’t mean no one in Middle-earth is gay. Actually, no one in Middle-earth is Catholic. I mean that literally, in the sense that Catholicism does not exist in the time period Tolkien wrote about, but I also mean it in the sense that Tolkien’s characters need not adhere to the tenets of his religion, even if it’s not named. Why would they?

It shouldn’t be controversial or surprising to point out that writers can, and often do, write characters that live very different lives from their own. Needless to say, Tolkien didn’t condone the actions of the antagonists of his work, but what about the protagonists? Are we to believe that all of them act in an unfailingly Catholic way at all times? In Laws and Customs of the Eldar, it is strongly implied that (especially in their younger years) Elves do have sex for pleasure and not just to beget children, something that is discouraged by Catholicism. That’s just one example.

(Please note that I’m not arguing that Tolkien’s Catholicism had no influence on his writings, because he explicitly said that it did. I’m saying that Tolkien’s characters themselves are not Catholic and do not necessarily behave like Catholics. So even if you think that all Catholics believe homosexuality is wrong, it has no bearing on Tolkien’s stories.)

Another line of reasoning goes that homosexuality is too taboo for Tolkien—but I have to wonder if people who believe this have read his books at all. The Silmarillion is full of taboo subjects. Túrin and Niënor marry, not knowing they are brother and sister; they find out the truth, and that she is pregnant, and they both commit suicide. Eöl’s relationship with Aredhel is one that, even if it didn’t start out as controlling and abusive—although I suspect it did—it clearly ended up that way, and depending on your interpretation of the text, he may have raped her. Celegorm attempts to force Lúthien to marry him, which would also involve rape, and there is a passage that implies that Morgoth also intends to rape Lúthien. Neither incest, rape or abuse are too taboo for Tolkien—neither are suicide, torture or mass murder, as the rest of the Silmarillion shows.

I don’t want anyone to take this in bad faith: I’m not saying that being gay is comparable to incest, rape or abuse, and I’m part of the LGBTQ community myself. What I am saying is that Tolkien clearly did not shy away from certain subjects, including sexual taboos, simply because they’re taboo. If you’re going to argue that none of Tolkien’s characters are queer because it wasn’t accepted at the time, that’s very unconvincing given the other subject matter in his books.

There is another reason why I think there are gay characters in Middle-earth, and it has to do with Tolkien’s inspirations. It’s well understood by Tolkien fans that you can see echoes of other mythologies in Tolkien’s works. But which ones? When Lúthien brings Beren back from the Halls of Mandos, there are obvious parallels with the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice—though the genders are reversed, and Lúthien succeeds where Orpheus did not. There are parallels between Túrin and Kullervo. There are numerous examples of this kind of thing throughout the Silmarillion and LOTR. Even the name Middle-earth clearly has its roots in the Norse name Midgard. There are some influences that Tolkien explicitly acknowledged, like the Kalevala and the Völuspá, and some that Tolkien scholars have only theorized about. While there are some scholarly articles on Tolkien and the Aeneid, one thing I have never seen anyone discuss is the parallel between Beleg’s death and the story of Nisus and Euryalus.

In the Aeneid, Nisus and Euryalus are a pair of friends and lovers who are fighting for Aeneas in Latium. Nisus, the older of the two men, is said to be a skilled javelin-thrower and archer. Nisus proposes a night raid on an enemy camp, and Euryalus insists on going with him. During the raid they kill many men in their sleep, collecting some of their armor as loot, as was customary. But when they leave the camp, the glint of light on a helmet taken by Euryalus is seen by a group of enemy horsemen, who capture and kill him before Nisus can stop them. Nisus is distraught and kills many of them in retaliation, ultimately dying beside his lover’s body. (In some versions, it’s a stolen belt, not a helm—but the constant motif is the glint of light that reveals Euryalus to the enemy.)

There are so many similarities with Beleg and Túrin that it cannot be a coincidence. Beleg and Túrin also fight side by side, first on the marches of Doriath and later when Túrin is an outlaw. They are very loyal to each other, and clearly love each other. Like Nisus, Beleg is known to be a great archer. Meanwhile, although it does not feature in Beleg’s death scene, Túrin is associated with a particularly significant helm. There are differences too: Túrin’s captivity is the reason for Beleg’s raid on the Orc-camp, whereas Euryalus is captured after the raid; both Nisus and Euryalus are slain one after the other, whereas only Beleg dies in the raid on the Orc-camp. But there is still the overarching parallel of the night raid, in which the enemy guards are killed silently in their sleep; the raid’s connection with an attempted rescue; the chance moment that leads to the tragic death; the imagery of the flash of light; and the distraught reaction of Nisus and Túrin when they see that Euryalus and Beleg are dead. Tolkien read the Aeneid as a student and so would have been familiar with its contents.

There is also the fact that in some versions of the story Túrin kisses Beleg on the mouth in this scene. Although kissing someone on the mouth has not always been a romantic gesture in all cultures and time periods, the clear parallels to the scene in the Aeneid lead me to think that it is in this case. Whether you see the relationship between Túrin and Beleg as romantic is up to you—all that I’m trying to do is show that it’s a legitimate interpretation.

Ultimately, like I wrote here, I don’t think you need permission from anyone in order to interpret Tolkien’s stories the way you want to. If you want to interpret one of his characters as gay, you don’t need to cite obscure plotlines from the Aeneid to justify it. But I do take issue with the idea—which is so pervasive in the fandom—that Tolkien’s stories must not have gay, or bisexual, or trans people in them, and that any interpretations to that effect are against canon. At the end of the day, Middle-earth is supposed to be our world, and guess what? Queer people exist.

[cartoonsinthemorning]

Why do you like Rung so much

I did ask that to myself often, and had to do some auto-analysis, to reach a conclusion. The true answer is intimate. I will still tell you: I'll exclude personal details, to maintain privacy- but I'm warning you, there is a psychosexual component to it. There's no point in hiding that, after all the erotica I drew of the guy, and you asked, so if you'll cringe I'm not to blame, sweetheart. (So: WARNING, NSFT talk & MTMTE/LL spoilers ahead). Rung is understanding and forgiving. Fort Max crushes his hand and almost kills him- Rung sweetly forgives him, no question asked. Rodimus uses him as bait for a bloodthirsty creature. No grudges about that either. His patients are all some degree of dangerous and criminal, -they could kill him in an heartbeat in the same way they killed plenty others before- but Rung keeps extending his care to them all, no matter how hopeless of a case they are- he listens to them, he gives them infinite second chances. Rung is understanding and forgiving to an unnatural degree. A supernatural degree. He is God, after all. He is the personification of the idealized divine parental love, that knows no bounds or conditions. Years ago. I was suddenly proven a source of love in my life was very much conditional- contrary to what I had used to believe before. It was quite the devastating rug pull. It left a scar. To come across a character so kind and nurturing and forgiving as Rung was extremely comforting, to me. I've obsessed over plenty of characters, before him, but I've never quite understood the meaning of "comfort character", until then. I see a drawing of Rung, and I can't help but smile, and feel immediately a little happier. His sight alone gives me hope that unconditional love can exist- maybe not in the real world, but at least as a merciful human idea we can share through a fictional character. And this is all so pure and sweet, but. I'm a freak and a queer. I saw in Rung this supernatural and divine parental figure, and that activated the neuron. It got me all horny and, even worse, creative. Since, thank God, catholic guilt was never part of my upbringing, I happily and shamelessly embraced those feelings I have about Rung, and called him my mommy and drew him with a pussy and met other weirdos that enjoyed my vision and that was SO MUCH FUN, it only fueled my cathartic adoration for Rung even more.

I would say, that's it, this was your answer. But the truth is, I barely scratched the surface, of why I love Rung. I could go on and on about how important and significant it is, to me, that Rung is also a canonical symbol of anti-fascism. Or how well constructed, charming, and at the same time mysterious he is as a character ( we know SO little about his life pre LL, it's so INTRIGUING). Or just how adorable his quirks are- collecting toys, cleaning his glasses when he's upset, finding the courage to dance at a party- But there would be no point in it. Love can't be explained, actually. It was fun to yap about my beloved favorite character tho, so thank you for giving me and excuse to!

[bitchfitch]

Idk. Do y'all ever wonder what wouldve happened if your life had been about 5 percent different?

My family isn't Right™ leaning. but they are primarily under educated Catholics trying to prove they're not like Those Mexicans by siding with the powers that be and being good and obedient to the system they feel they earned their way into and which they think exists to protect them. Note they are poor brown immigrants. it does not exist to protect them in any way.

It's on my mind because like. I was the first queer in the family. Hindsights 20/20 but I was dykish from the moment I was old enough to express a personality. and now I'm trans. I don't talk about it that often because I realized I was trans 14? years ago and am at a point in my life where it's just not remarkable anymore. It was remarkable when I was a kid though. That's my mom's side of the family and my dad was a far right fox news watcher.

So as you may imagine. I did not want to come out. Not at all. The next few years came with some intense medications and a few strokes so my memory of the time is gone, but I still remember how much I dreaded the idea of coming out.

And it went ok, coming out shortly after I turned 13. My family wasn't just accepting, they were relieved.

Because around that time was when my health went from bad, to "keep an updated will in the family room" bad. I already had tumors in one eye, and was now having constant falls and fainting episodes. seizures. new speech difficulties, and a sudden distinct personality change as I became extremely secretive and avoidant of my family when that wasn't what I was like at all previously.

Anyone who knows anything about medicine would look at that list of symptoms and start ordering imaging to find the brain tumor.

it wasn't brain cancer, it was pots and the side effects of one of my meds, and the fear of being disowned. the tumors continue to be benign.

Sometimes I just wonder. If I hadn't been dying, if they hadn't already had to come to terms with saying goodbye to me, would me coming out have gone a different way?

[riddle-on-the-milk-carton]

More of my ideal X-Men film adaptation stuff based off this post

-obviously I’d make a lot of the female characters outfits less sexualized and make my own designs for them, I think other than that I’d just want to tweak and add a few things and then otherwise keep the costumes more or less the same

-Wolverines sexy shots and glorious oiled up tits and ass exist because he bore the brunt of all the sexualization of the women characters like Jesus with our sins

-I want to tackle Jean grey so much differently bc I didn’t like her in ‘97 or in the 90s cartoon, but after reading her actual wiki lore she’s SO interesting like she is don’t so dirty in a lot of stuff I wanna take a crack at writing her differently

-magneto and professor x’s personal drama dosent show up until much later other than in a couple flashbacks that serve as foreshadowing but about halfway through we learn about his backstory with Erik (think the way grunkle stan and ford were handled except instead of brothers it’s doomed Yaoi and they hate each other so much more )

-nearly nobody has a perfect cookie cutter relationship, these bitches are MESSY

-Gambit and Rouge both do weird southern shit because funny and also i wanna get it accurate

-Kurt gets more catholic guilt explored over being religious but still feeling demonic due to being a mutant. Also feeling isolated even among the mutants the way a lot of religious queers sometimes will, and we can have an arc where he struggles with his faith as not a lot of mutants are religious and in the end decides to remain catholic and stuff about the religion/queer intersect

-there’s a bit before morphs backstory is revealed where nobody knows what he looks like except him for the bit

-more feral Wolverine

[nqueso-emergency]

Their obsession with the concept of Catholic guilt is about on par with their obsession with unhealthy behaviors (codependency and self harm/suicide). They romanticize the ideas of them and it’s really fucking gross.

Also as someone who grew up as Catholic (from the Midwest so it’s not quite the same as Eddie). The way they immediately connect Catholic guilt to queerness and gay Eddie is both amusing and baffling to me. I get that I was never super into religion and that shapes how I view Catholic guilt but to me Catholic guilt is like the guilt of existing. No matter what you do you’re basically not good enough. Negative I know, but that’s how it felt to me. Even if you follow everything to the tee, it’s still not enough to feel like you’re good enough for their expectations.

Like sure if you really believe in the faith and you happen to be queer the guilt can be about that. But that’s blatantly not the case for Eddie. Like how many times do they have to put it out front and center that this is all about Shannon. He fucked up big time, cheated on his girlfriend, traumatized his son. There’s a lot of things there to feel guilt about.

This this this

[internetgiraffekid1673]

It says in your little thing that your Mormon, are you still Mormon cuz respectfully I've heard a lot of shit about Mormons and how they are very transphobic and homophobic! So not trying to be rude just genuinely wondering if I read that wrong or something.

Hey! Yeah, I am a mormon, but I love all my queer siblings, including/especially my trans people. But it's a complicated religion and I have a complicated relationship with it, so I understand the confusion.

The short answer is that I was raised mormon, continue to find a lot of comfort and truth in SOME of their teachings, and I am perpetually very pissed with a lot of their other teachings, cuz yeah, a lot of them are Not Good. So I'm mormon and mad about it. It's kind of like. . .imagine if you were raised Catholic and only really have good memories of your Catholic community and find a lot of comfort in teachings about God's love, but you absolutely despise the administration of the Catholic church and like, everything they say about queer people. It's like that.

The long answer is this:

A) The mormons get a bad rap on the internet for stuff that isn't actually true. If you ever have a specific question, I am happy to answer to the best of my abilities.

B) Having said that, a lot of the teachings of the mormon church regarding queer people are really really bad and I do not support or encourage this even slightly. I myself am queer, and I have to put up with hearing all kinds of queerphobic shit from the church all the time. And I hate it and I speak against it whenever it is safe for me to do so. It just. All of it goes soooo against the other teachings of the church. I am not the only queer member. There is an entire community of us on tumblr over here. We all work and suffer through it together.

C) I still believe in the stuff that's at the fundamentals of the gospel though. Namely, God exists and he loves all of us unconditionally. He sent us to Earth so that we could learn and grow and become happier through our experiences here. Free agency/the ability to make independent choices is very VERY important to him. He sent Jesus Christ to suffer for our sins so that when we do fuck it up, we don't have to live with that guilt forever. Jesus also suffered for our pain and sorrow so that we didn't have to and can bring us healing. We're supposed to love our neighbors with our whole hearts.

I also believe that Joseph Smith did translate the Book of Mormon, although he was still a human being who made mistakes and I don't believe in a LOT of the stuff he said and did. I doubt you've read the Book of Mormon, but it's really just The Bible Extended Edition. There's a reason it's full name is The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. It covers what the hell was going on in the Americas during the biblical times.

I also believe that God has chosen prophets for our modern day to continue giving us revelation. I also believe those prophets are mostly crusty old men with outdated personal opinions that they mistake for revelation, that they fuck it up a lot, and I wish a lot of them would hurry up and die so I no longer have to listen to their bullshit.

D) Religion and faith are personal. I'm not here to convert anyone, especially other queer people. I continue practicing my religion because I have had literal years and some really amazing people to help me sort out what is good and bad and to figure out what parts of it are best for me as a person. I understand that what's best for some people is literally none of it, and I also understand that while some people could benefit from just doing what I do, that the way the church treats queer people (and also women sometimes) does more harm than the good parts help. So while I talk about my religion sometimes, it's always more about my personal relationship with it and never to try to convert people. I fully support ex-mormons who left the church, because sometimes the environment can be truly toxic and the religious trauma they have experienced is real.

E) The culture of the church and the actual doctrinal teachings of the church are two very different things. Utah mormon culture is also different than regular mormon culture. All of these things have good aspects to them, but church culture and Utah mormon culture also have a lot of really harmful things too, and these don't even have anything to do with the crusty old men being homophobic/transphobic. I am also mad about this, and I also complain about this fairly frequently.

I'm glad you asked because I understand that this stuff can be confusing. I think it's impossible to be any kind of religious queer person and not have a really complicated and deeply personal relationship with your religion.

I hope that answered your question, and I completely understand if this makes my blog feel like an unsafe space for you and you feel like you need to unfollow me. I do, however, tag every church related post I make, both with a religion cw and the tumblr mormon tag. Do what's best for you, and much love.

Also, unrelated, but I really appreciate all the posts you make and every time I see a little notification from you on one of my posts, it makes me so very happy.

[nerdygaymormon]

Relatedly, where does the reputation for the church violently hating LGBT people come from? It's an honest question. I want to know if I'm being naive about the church. I mean, I was raised Catholic and I'm interested in becoming LDS, but from my upbringing, the consequences of being queer are either hellfire or a very long and painful time spent in purgatory cleansing oneself of those 'sins'. The LDS message that basically everyone goes to heaven seems incredibly radical to me. Am I missing something where LGBT people are excluded from that? It seems the church's traditional family stance is very mild compared to most other Christian faiths. Again just the message that you're going to heaven seems radically accepting to me, even if you can't partake in all sacraments. Why don't I see the same vitriol for other Christian faiths regarding their treatment of LGBT people like I do for the LDS church? It really does make me feel like I am missing something scary and I need to be careful.

You're correct that the LDS Church teaches that LGBT people will go to heaven. In LDS theology, heaven is divided into 3 main divisions, and LGBT people will not get to the highest level of heaven, and therefore will be separated from their family for eternity. While we think of the two lower levels of heaven as still very good places to wind up, no Mormon grows up thinking that's where they want to go and we sort of talk about those as if going to Hell, even though it's not really equivalent to the traditional Christian concept of Hell.

LDS theology excludes queer people. We teach that we existed as spirits in a pre-earth life and that queerness didn't exist then, and queerness won't exist after death, it is limited only to this mortal life. The key to receiving all the blessings of earth & heaven is to be married, and same-sex marriages aren't allowed. Similarly, gender is taught to be eternal and that transness and gender dysphoria didn't exist before earth life and won't exist afterwards.

So while we don't preach hellfire and brimstone, the message that you're a broken and a mistake and aren't going to be saved with your family in the highest heaven but will be separated forever, that is a heavy message to grow up hearing and believing.

————————————————————

The reputation for the church violently hating LGBT people comes from the Church's past, and some of it fairly recent.

When I was growing up in the 1970's and the 1980's, simply saying that you are gay was enough to result in excommunication and being declared an enemy to God. An apostle gave a talk where he approved of violence against gays. You could stay if you tried to change these "tendencies," which could include electro-shock therapy at BYU. The violence and hostility against gay individuals caused a great deal of trauma.

Sometime in the 1980's, it was determined it's okay if you never eliminate these attractions, but you are to keep this secret and act like the heterosexuals. Gays were encouraged to enter mixed-orientation marriages, have kids and live like a straight person and everything would be alright. If it didn’t work out, then you weren’t strong enough. Most of the mixed-orientation marriages failed and the queer spouse was rejected. Also, the Church fully entered the fight against the legalization of gay marriage in Hawaii.

In the 2000's, the Church made a distinction between gay feelings and gay behaviors. It's okay to have feelings as long as you don't act on them. While the Church officially stopped encouraging mixed-orientation marriages, local leaders unofficially continued to encourage them. The Church raised most of the funds and marshalled most of the volunteers in the fight in California for prop 8, which made gay marriage illegal again, and also efforts in other states to add constitutional amendments to ban gay marriages. This is also when the Church changed to saying "same sex attraction" (SSA) instead of "gay" as a way to say this isn’t part of you but a temporary thing. SSA was compared to addictions. Queer people no longer had to remain hidden, so they found each other and attended conferences together and encouraged each other. They were no longer invisible in the church but largely kept silent. Most members admired their struggle but didn't know about mental health challenges or other challenges.

Since 2015, it's been okay to identify as gay, lesbian, and bisexual. Messaging changed to say you're welcome to be in the church if you're LGBT and there's been efforts to allows gays who are celibate to have callings and remove barriers to participating in a number of ways. A lot of tolerance for gay people was shown unless they got married, at which time church discipline would swiftly move in. The Church knows it has lost the fight against gay marriage and gay rights but still fights in legislation and in court amicus briefs to retain the right to discriminate against LGBTQ people in its businesses and schools. In 2019, the Church officially abandoned conversion therapy. This period also is marked by the church & BYU granting more freedoms then taking steps backwards, then taking steps forward and then back again, it's kinda exhausting, and once you've been allowed more, it's hard to accept less.

Things are much better from where they were and I hope they continue to improve.

[alpaca-clouds]

I have this opinion that makes me quite unpopular among feminists. And this opinion is, that I think we need more male representation in media.

"What?!" I hear you say. "But most characters in media are already men!"

And that is correct. However... My point is less about the number, and more about the quality. Because here is the thing: While most people in leftist circles will be able to call out bad female representation, bad BI_PoC representation, or bad queer representation... They are for the most part not able to call out bad male representation.

And... Well, how do I say that? Bad male representation is everywhere. We just kinda talk about it the wrong way, rather than through the lense of representation.

Let me talk about something personal. I am a trans man. Yet... It took me until 2021 to realize that I am a trans man.

Part of this was, because I grew up in a very conservative catholic household and I did not learn about trans being a thing until 2011. But even when I learned that it was a thing, I thought I was maybe non-binary or something, even though my first thought was: "Oh, so I am actually a man!"

Why was that? Well, simply put: Because I looked at my frame of reference for "what is a man", which largely did consist of media representation, and was like: "Nah, that is not me." While I cannot be stoic, I will not be stoic to that degree. I do not like to use violence to solve problems. I do not like to drink. I am not the active force in many situations. And I am just not at all like most of the male characters I have encountered in my life. And given that I grew up without many male family members still around, or much in terms of other male role models... Well...

So, what changed in 2021? The answer is actually pretty simple: Castlevania. Because the show gave me Alucard and Hector, two male protagonists who I very much could identify with. Especially Hector. That useless man? He is me!

But then I realized, how little we have in terms of characters of that kind. And it is not a whole lot.

Usually we do talk about the "standard model for a main character" in terms of toxic masculinity. Which is fair. Sure. But I actually do also think that it is an issue of representation. Mostly, because, well...

Representation is very much an issue of a) normalizing the existence of a group to the audience, and b) allowing people outside the normative societal standard to see themselves in media. And I would argue that right now, men, who do not fit in with masculine norms, are also very much underrepresented.

Sure, there are a few shows and movies here and there. But in general? Nah, we do not get to see much of that.

We do not get to see a whole lot of men, who are just a bit weak. Or men, who like things that are considered feminine. Or submissive men. Or men, who in their stories really are just the damsels in distress.

And honestly: We do need more of that. We do need more of that in a way where the media does not make fun of it.

Men can be more than just stoic heroes and assholes. And I think it would help men, too, to see other kinds of role models.

[laylawatermelon]

70.6 - 7.07 Speculation/ Buddie Meta

I am a writer y'know hehe

So, Buddie is happening.

Now let me explain.

Bi buck always existed, but the problem is that most of his consistent emotional relationship one could argue realistically romantically has been with a man he's known for years.

But has always been bi yes, but he's also been in love with his best friend for a really long time.

Friends to lovers where Y'all at? I see y'all madney truthers

Anyways I understand but what has kind of been bothering me is the fact that Buddie the ship has been abandoned/negated as not an important past of the puzzle for bi buck realization despite the fact that Eddie is physically present throughout his entire relationship/storyline.

I could argue that because they're mirrors to each other (corny soulmate type shit is perfect for network tv) this is the best way to ease people into it.

Buck and Eddie are the two beloved firefighters (and respective sex symbols). They have an appeal for the straight audience for that reason.

Lou already spoiled it but he's only here for a while.

There's been almost blatant explanations and dialogue that leads to the fact that this relationship is going to directly lead into buddie one way or another.

Tommy has from the beginning suspected that Buck (I'm calling him Evan in my head in regards to him and it's so weird 😖) and Eddie have an unusual relationship or that Buck is in love with Eddie at least.

(MY attention? is the biggest example.)

My prediction is that their mirrors of each other, the parallels, and red flags pop up too often now.

I know they're still writing the show and are likely watching audience engagement and ao3 (I'm watching you Tim ik you're here I'm new but ik you got shooters out here) for where to go with the story.

In Eddie's (frankly oddly portrayed) plotline is related to his Catholic guilt and his nonexistent relationship with Marisol (no last name?). As the episode maybe suggests they don't know their partners well enough.

Shame to Eddie because it's been months in universe like come on man. In Buck's it's literally been a few weeks, and most of the time Tommy spent with Eddie and not with him.

I like them as a couple and find them affordable. I can't quite bring myself to ship them or be as enthusiastic as others and that's okay.

I still admire the relationship they have and won't bash others for enjoying it.

Hell they still have Taylor and Buck enjoyers and maybe even Abby (i assume I haven't met any honestly).

The reason why I'm a bit confused on why Buddie isn't being all that embraced as a vital part of the storyline is because in a way it is.

I think it spurred the writers on to lean into it heavily due to the actors chemistry and portrayal of the relationship.

Now I'm not saying he wouldn't be bi regardless, because he's always been written that way.

His interactions with worm guy, a gay married couple, Carlos (who I've been waiting to say this but I can't hold myself any longer is Latino, shorter than him, brown eyes, dark hair - Eddie lite/he had a bit of a type aka cute guys.)

I clocked him flirting with him with his cute fact spilling as a way of affection because I do it to to people I love. (🤗i love my ADHD rep!) When he saw him look at the girl he became more platonic in his interactions. Then there was Eddie.

And Eddie honestly is the biggest part of the puzzle.

Yes he likes Tommy, and I don't deny he likes strong confident (suspiciously Eddie shaped 😂) guys.

He has always been attracted to strong personalities regardless of gender.

I do think he did pursue him and I think because Tommy is gay he recognized the flirting Buck does with both men and women as that, flirting.

Eddie doesn't count cause he has a whole can of worms he gotta figure out himself.

If Buck had consistent scenes with an out queer man on the show he'd have been at least clocked. (Eddie was kind of in the way with Josh and the Dispatch crew/his gaydar pinged a lil around him)

I've been saying that now that he's canonically bisexual and it's a known fact, you can't deny he's quite literally been flirting with his best friend the entire show (as a coparent??? Idk man they both said they skip steps/impatient 🤷🏾‍♀️).

When new fans watch it it's obvious, when older fans recall it it's either enlightening or redefining that relationship regardless.

The red flags that are coming up is Eddie's statement of moving too fast and Buck literally moving to fast with his second date (i assume idk how in world time works it's a tv show 🤷🏾‍♀️) being his sister's wedding.

Realistically I know you only invite people to events like that if you're fully committed to each other for a long term thing.

I'm not saying that he's on his wheel but in a way I'm tilting my head at some similarities of Tommy and his past relationships and Buck's tendencies.

Buck will be Buck.

Tommy knows him as Evan, and calls him such.

Which didn't get me wrong cute or whatever but rubs me there wrong away, because we know he prefers Buck as it's his chosen name for a reason. It's defined him and been contextualized and even accepted by his parents.

I believe in calling people the name they choose to be called and I just don't like when that's ignored.

It also doesn't help that he continues to call him that in an episode called You don't know me (you can Even tie it in to Marisol No last name) that deals with identities and lack of knowledge.

Buck has spent most of his remaining twenties with that identity and has defended it so the casualness of him calling him that unnerves me.

It's meant to close the distance and be portrayed as romantic but it can also be interpreted as him seeing Evan, not Buck when with him.

But I did see a post that changed my perspective on calling a name with love instead can recontextualize the meaning of it and I found that sweet and fitting. In that case I can swing either way about it.

If it does make him more accepting of that side of his identity that's great that he's beginning to heal from a path when his name/personhood was used as a weapon or item.

But, I also still feel a bit iffy that it's not interchangeably used with Buck because his family and everyone he knows calls him that. Even his previous romantic partners did and I didn't mind him being called it but I would like it if both names would be used as that is the new part of him where Evan exists as well.

Also narratively they spent too much time on defining his name and what it means to him and everyone around him to not show the importance of his identity being acknowledged in a new unfamiliar relationship.

(whew i think I'm just mad at the writers or this may just be on purpose who knows 🤷🏾‍♀️)

I'm getting to the meta I promise I'm just finally processing what's been plaguing me about this relationship and i gotta let the monster out

That would also explain why he doesn't know the ADHD rants that Buck blabs on about.

But then again the episode is called you don't know me and they weren't even friends he just jumped into a relationship.

(ps you can just start dating someone and learn as you go I'm just saying 🤷🏾‍♀️)

The biggest problem with their relationship is that he's in love with his best friend.

He literally only began to open up and flirt when he realized that he wasn't a romantic threat to his family.

(Which trifling Buck! Your man can't get wined and dined?? He deserves love too!/j)

He literally relaxed/his shoulders open up when Tommy assures him that his son still loves and idolizes him and that Eddie still likes him and he's irreplaceable in his life.

After that's secured he begins to make his move and become more flirtatious (cough sexually open cough) to this confident man in his kitchen in the dim lights and glowy atmosphere.

Damn I'd kiss him too 🤷🏾‍♀️ (if I was a guy ofc)

I also didn't like the parallels of Buck being left (which has happened with his female love interests) and then Buck still having to reach out.

I don't think Tommy is bad for Buck, but I'm still not convinced that he's 100% good. But then again he's been here literally a two episodes and barely any screentime.

And the one he does makes it seem like he's interested but not too invested.

(which makes sense and I will elaborate a bit later in the meta speculation)

The Tommy that everyone is talking about exists solely in fan spaces and head canon and that's why I think I can't get into it. The facts of him are plain in the show but in the fan spaces he has a different image.

Which valid, once again he's almost a blank sheet of what we wish a Buck gets and deserves in a love interest but that's what he is as of now. A blank-ish sheet. Kind of like a projection sheet for movies.

Tommy seems like a caring partner and sure of himself. He's shown himself to be funny, considerate, and as unhinged as the rest of the 118 (ah the fruity fire badasses).

Also i wanna point your Buck likes em a lil older sometimes haha

But back on topic, I can see Tommy being like Natalia (which makes sense as that storyline could've been used) In the fact that he sees that the space in his life is occupied and respectfully backs out.

My meta for 7.06 is this.

Tommy helps out somehow. Buck is ecstatic rightfully so.

They kiss dance and are cute.

The family is very welcoming, the 118 is still loving, but then he sees something that affirms his suspicions.

It's a normal scene for us.

Either Buck is taking care of Chris and then talks to Eddie.

He sees the look in Buck's eyes and the fondness there. He looks at Eddie and sees the same on his face.

He notices how they work together and laugh, them at the family and life he's built all around him, and decides he can't be apart of this. There's no space for him.

It feels too real too fast and he'll only end to heartbroken because he's just interested, not invested yet.

So he gracefully bows out and let's him know that he has enough love in his life if he'd just look for it.

(i also found out he used the word interested in the cafe scene where i recognized it as the ana date. Also Buck was wearing a white patterned shirt and i had a heart attack because it wasn't great the last time he wore it 😬)

Then it leads into ghost of a second chance.

(now imma say this i will be posting more specs about the these episodes I'm just on my buddie storyline juice rn)

This is now Buck trying to salvage/figure out what went wrong and maybe try to contact him again.

In the case of Marisol it's safe to assume they break up, the reason why isn't clear.

It could be related to his sisters disapproval of their relationship (as they're supposed to be coming out did the show forget??) or apprehension towards her as they've been raised/watched him grow up.

They know what makes him happy.

For ghost a second chance I didn't have much buddie assumptions but I'm pretty sure that one is more in relation to other members of the cast most likely and maybe Buck trying to salvage his relationship.

7.08-10 isn't complete so who knows🤷🏾‍♀️ how they must switch it up for more drama?

But I will say, we gotta dive into the Eddie of it all.

Y'all thought I forgot about him?

The bi Buck storyline isn't complete without Eddie either romantically or platonically.

In real life their queer storylines were always interchangeable and they're both feeling out the GA and fans reaction.

Buddie not going canon doesn't make sense because realistically it's one of the biggest ships and the most talked about things for the online fans.

It's a good reason many fans started (me included🙋🏾‍♀️) and stay (if the beautiful found family didn't hit it for them).

The way that they were both discussed and Ryan is fine with Buddie still kind of matches his character honestly. Demi Eddie is a head canon and honestly Eddie would only be comfortable with dating a man at this stage of his life if it's someone he loves already aka Buck.

There could be other reasons but as a Buddie warrior truther (as they named it which is still so insane) as his old interviews alluded to the fact that he loves Buck so much he can't really see himself with another guy he just met like that.

He also maybe wanted a easier storyline as he had always been a bit of a heavy character.

For women it's easier as he's raised to do it and it's "natural" or right for him to do so.

His parents said it, the church says it, God says it so it must be right.

He loves commitment, has said he's a nester and constantly yearns for a family unit.

The only family unit he knows of it feels is acceptable due to his upbringing is man, woman, child.

Not that he's homophobic cause duh, HenRen is literally there, but his standards and pressure doesn't even let him fathom it for himself.

It's also likely if the demi part is true, he's highly unlikely to be like Buck and view others sexually and even realize he's able to have a family/relationship with a man.

I suspect no Buddie this season. I actually hope and pray for it.

Because from both a business and story point it's best to keep the will-they won't-they into season 8 to keep viewers engaged/tuning in and not to rush the story and get some really good emotional moments.

I won't lie I miss the angst we got in the other seasons and as a result the show's identity with Eddie has faltered a bit.

I didn't love episode 5 but I didn't hate it. I still enjoy the show and if they feel a bit unusual it's okay.

There were still some great moments in it.

Eddie's character is now happy but as a result he's also somewhat unfamiliar (that speaks to the whump heavy storylines he has) as he seems less mature. You can argue now that he has a stable support system he's able to let loose because he knows his needs will be covered.

That's also a great point and easy way of showing his development.

His Catholic guilt now that it's been introduced will have to be deconstructed as he will have to redefine his life, what he's looking for/allow himself to be and dare to dream of a life not given to him by someone else or pressure.

This season he's only just started to accept things that make him feel good (which for now is Marisol) and be open and honest about it.

I can argue it is a great sign of improvement of his character.

A bit ooc portrayal yes, but the message of looking deeper still applies.

This can apply to Buddie probably leading through the next half of season 7 by being ramped up and then going full speed ahead season 8.

At the time though since they're still writing they may take a hard right turn and keep it platonic (😭).

But what would be inevitable is Eddie's coming out/self discovery arc that isn't tied to the church or sense of duty.

Which yay! More self discovery I love the message of finding yourself lasts throughout your life and due to life's unexpected events you can change to be a better version of yourself all the time.

We got bi buck (which evidently was influenced by Eddie in some way) now let's free Eddie to even if they didn't do it for Buddie (once again😭😭😭).

Now that I've got it mostly off my chest I'm definitely gonna do an analysis of the parallels and the way it's played pt.2 (and more as seasons passed cause Ryan and Oliver 😘 muah 10/10 no notes).

Okay bye.

[jewish-vents]

hello, i’m a conversion student so i haven’t completed my journey, but i hope i am still welcomed to vent because i desperately need to get this out.

i am terrified. i’m just putting it blankly and out in the open. two years ago when i said i was going to convert as i had healed my relationship with g-d after a lifetime of trauma, i was supported my those around me. i was lifted up by my family, who were all raised catholic as well but chose to remain agnostic. i got to share things that brought me joy—to my family’s joy, i brought home and cooked some excellent food.

the last few years have been such a wonderful learning experience for me. my mental and physical health has improved, i’ve made so many friends i consider family, and i’ve learned so much about myself, the world, and everyone around me. (and for the first time in my life studying something was fun, which my ADHD ass has never had happened before lol). “coming home” has saved my life in more ways than i can count.

now it’s the complete opposite. in the last few months i have been accused of wanting to murder and SA women & childen, genocide, told to off myself by people online, and lost friends.

i was asked if i was sure, at the beginning—was i sure if i wanted to work to join the most persecuted & genocided people in the world? and i said yes, because i had never been more sure of anything in my life. i don’t take back that even now because i feel whole now, even if i haven’t completed my journey.

i am not responsible for murdering women and children. i am not responsible for bombing civilians. i am not responsible.

i have voiced my stance on the current war: people shouldn’t die. children in gaza deserve to play, go to school, and thrive. everyone deserves access to food and clean water. no one deserves to die.

but when i say this, i get called “neutral” and equated to a nazi (how ironic!).

they want palestine to be free because people are dying, but want all the jews (but only the zionists, don’t worry /sarcasm) to die.

the double standard kills me. when another group does a crime, everyone with half a brain understands that it’s not the entire group.

unless it’s the jewish people.

i’m tired of antisemitism being repackaged to be this progressive anti-zionist take from people who don’t seem to understand what zionism even is.

i’m tired of being called a nazi for something that i’m not taking part of across the world.

i’m tired of being accused of supporting genocide or flat out told i’m taking part in it.

i tired of my friends and i no longer feel safe and don’t feel safe having anything that might align with judaism on our person.

i’m tired that i no longer feel comfortable and safe in “progressive” queer safe spaces.

i am just so, so tired of having to constantly argue my right to exist because people are incapable of nuance about an issue that clearly don’t understand.

.