#I may not be genderfluid but that doesn’t make me want to confuse people any less

[darsbw]

Me. Me. Me Fr.

You get me. You understand.

I’ve decided. My Pronouns are whatever the opposite of my presentation is. If you’re not sure you have to guess and if you guess wrong I will declare you a misogynist and you will be forced to complete a saw trap. if you get scared and default to they/them I will declare you a misogynist and you will be forced to complete a saw trap.

[caintooth]

From a transmasc who loves transfems more than I hate transmisogyny: If you are AFAB you should not be calling yourself transfem, a transwoman, or a transgirl.

Let me start this by saying that I agree, obviously, that our society needs to stop caring about AGAB. Ideally, we should not be assigned AFAB or AMAB to begin with, and we should all be able to use the language we feel suits us best. If you are both trans and a woman, it does seem like it makes sense to call yourself a transwoman, doesn’t it? Even if you were AFAB?

But let’s have nuance, please. Let’s start by acknowledging this: a world in which our AGABs have no impact on our social roles / perceptions / interactions is NOT a world we live in yet. No matter how badly we may want to simply be feminine and masculine and androgynous and outside of connection to a binary system and AGABs entirely, we have NOT achieved that sort of liberation. To pretend we have- to act as if your AGAB has no impact on the way you are perceived and treated- is an extremely privileged game of imagination.

The most common argument I have seen from AFABs using transfem / transwoman language for themselves is that they are someone who is both, by all definitions, transgender and a woman. This may be because they previously transitioned into manhood or transmasculinity, and did not identify as a woman or as feminine at all during that time, but now, for whatever reason, have started identifying as a woman / feminine again. Or they may be a person who identifies with any variation of non-binary woman, bigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, demigirl, etc. Any identity which is either “I used to not be a woman, but am a woman now,” or “I am a woman, and another gender or lack thereof, too.”

I understand. In whatever version of this scenario, they are both transgender or have transitioned at some point, and are currently feminine or a woman. It does really sound like transfem or transwoman should be the correct language to use in this scenario!

I am non-binary, transmasc, and was indeed AFAB. I get it. I am transgender. I am not a woman, but I am also, sometimes, a woman. I am transgender and I am a woman. And I spent years of my life fighting against femininity, only to find that finally being allowed to be openly masculine has helped me embrace femininity again. It seems this is not an uncommon experience. But I am not now, and never will be, a transwoman.

Because the word transwoman has very, very specific meaning. “Meanings can change,” and “words have more than one meaning,” you say? Yes, that is true! And it should be! Change and embracing of nuance is so important to our community. And nobody should be policing the language anybody else uses.

But that being said, please. Embrace this nuance, if you are so passionate about words having it. People who were AMAB and are women have extremely different experiences than people who were AFAB and are still / are again, in whatever form for whatever reason, women or feminine.

Being a woman who was AMAB has unique culture, intersectionality, and vulnerability. Countless transwomen have asked people who were AFAB not to use the language of actual transfemininity, because it is such a different experience than being trans and feminine separately. Let me make this clear.

People who were AFAB are expected to be and rewarded for being women. If we perform womanhood in an unpalatable way, yes, we do experience misogyny. If we are also transgender, yes, we do experience transphobia. But neither of these things, even when experienced at the same time, are the same as transmisogyny, which can only be experienced by people who were AMAB.

This is because of the patriarchy. Gender Issues 101. Manhood and masculinity are seen as the ultimate power. Womanhood and femininity, as less. So, yeah, I get your confusion here. People who were AFAB, especially if they are also trans or are women or feminine in the “wrong” way, will indeed always be seen as lesser than men, for the fact of being AFAB alone! Absolutely nobody is saying that misogyny and transphobia against AFAB people are not massively violent forces in this world. Nobody is saying people who were AFAB have it “easy!”

But again, again again- people who were AMAB and are women experience a form of violence and hate very different from the kind we as AFAB people do. You know as well as I do that the patriarchy does not view women who were AMAB as actual women. It instead views them as failed men. And to those indoctrinated, that is a crime worse than womanhood. It is the ultimate insult: “They are not women. They are clearly not men, either. They are third. Other.”

AFAB people who are trans or perceived as “failed women,” no matter our actual or internal connection with femininity or womanhood, are viewed by society negatively, yes, but not as third or Other. Because, despite the wording, “failed women” are still actually viewed as women. This is because the patriarchy views people who were AFAB as inherently flawed by mere circumstance of birth. We are inherently capable of failure, because we have already failed by not being born cis men… And cis men, on the other hand, are viewed as ideal, perfect, god-like, and thus not capable of failure at all.

Let me reiterate. Due to transphobia and the rigid structure of gender within the patriarchy, when people who were AMAB declare “I am a not a man,” they are denied the status of woman. But, due to misogyny and the position of men as supreme, flawless beings within the patriarchy, when people who were AMAB respond by saying “I am a woman,” they are also denied the status of man. It is this also which is so significant. They are viewed by the patriarchy as Other in a way that people who were AFAB never will be, because we will always just be viewed as women, which is at least human.

The fact that people who are AFAB will only ever be viewed as woman is a separate issue, with separate conversation around it. Because I understand, as one of them, that we may identify with a concept of thirdness and of Otherness. We, like women who were AMAB, are not men! We feel a kinship there!

But I think I have explained well why our experience of Otherness is not the same as Otherness experienced by transwomen who were AMAB. No matter how deeply we feel third, Other, different, strange, weird? Even if this is, from the depth our soul and core of our being, not how we want to be treated? Society is still willing to view us, at the very least, no matter how much we hate it, as women. Which, like I said, is at least one way to be seen as human.

Women who were AMAB, however, are only ever treated as Other. Not even as human beings. Do you see how this is different? Do you see how this is worse?

The two questions we are trying to answer in this post are, first, why is it wrong that some people who were AFAB want to call themselves trans women or trans feminine? Which leads us to, second, why would they want to in the first place?

Transwomen who were coercively assigned male at birth are, in fact, women. They are not Other. They are not third. They are human beings and the patriarchy is wrong. I know this. The wider queer community claims to know this, too.

But we must not let our desire to affirm transwomen in their womanhood cloud our eyes to the fact that the vast majority of the world still holds extremely violent and dangerous mentality towards them.

When people who were AFAB use the language of transwoman, transfem, and transgirl for themselves, they are equating their experiences to that of AMAB people. They are, in a way, fetishizing transwomanhood. They are saying, “I have seen those called transwomen also called weird, and strange, and third, and Other. I feel that way myself, sometimes. Words like ‘genderqueer’ and ‘genderfluid’ and ‘bigender’ and ‘demigirl’ and etc., though perfectly established and expressive of my gender, do not express to others the quality of inhumanity which I feel I am a victim of. They do not express my uniqueness. But transwomen are seen as inhuman, and unique in their suffering. I am going to associate my feeling of inhumanity with their word, too. I am going to make sure this association continues, so that my pain is acknowledged, too.”

It is a violent co-opting of language. It is self-victimization. It is denial of differing axises of oppression. You are allowed to hurt, to feel Other, and denied of your humanity. But what reason do you have to equate your experience of hurt with a more marginalized group’s oppression, besides selfishness? Especially when you have been asked, repeatedly, to stop.

This behavior creates an unsafe environment for actual transwomen, who deserve community with people who acknowledge the unique experience of transfemininity! Who should be able to comfortably find other actually transfeminine people to make friends with and confide in! Who should be allowed to have their own spaces, communities, and safety nets!

Transfeminine people deserve security. Sorry for the word play, but I literally cannot imagine anything more insecure than stealing language from transwomen.

[donnieisaprettyboy]

Sorry if this is an inappropriate question but I'm having some self doubts. How did you know for sure that you were trans? I think I might be but I'm very confused if I'm feeling dysmorphia or dysphoria. Feel free to ignore if this is too personal

There’s nothing wrong with asking questions like this! :) gender is super confusing and sometimes it’s nice to have insight from other people

For the longest time I connected the discomfort with my body with trauma I experienced when I was younger. However, even as I worked through therapy and grew to a point that I am not as affected by my trauma, my discomfort remained.

Everytime I thought about people looking at me and seeing a boy, or even just looking at me and having no clue what my gender is, it made me feel kind of excited? I get heart flutter moments when I think about it.

I feel like I should add that most of my dysphoria is social. There are different kinds of dysphoria, and seeing this image is what made me realize that even though I didn’t struggle with my body too much, I had a strong desire to be seen as non-woman by society (not even necessarily as a man, just as something apart from “woman” if that makes sense).

(I cannot find the original artist for this so if anybody knows who it is please lmk)

When my friends started using he/they pronouns for me it felt really good. Even if I dress more feminine, I’m not binding, or if I’m actively trying to look more feminine, my friends still use he/they pronouns and it feels good!

My university has one of the best LGBTQ+ centers in the country, so I had a really good resource to reach out to and talk to people about. Which, for anybody reading this, you don’t have to be a university student to reach out to queer centers at universities! If you need resources, email them! :)

After quite a long time of experimenting with names, pronouns, styles, lots of research, etc. I came to the conclusion of “I’m just going to do me, whatever that is.” I use any pronouns, I dress however, I present differently depending on how I feel day to day :) people may call it genderfluid (which is fine!) but I’m personally sticking to more vague labels for my own comfort :) transmasc and genderqueer are what I use because it doesn’t feel confining!

I know a lot of this is kinda anecdotal, but I think the gist is there wasn’t one thing I noticed about myself that “confirmed” I’m trans. Also, you define what that means for you! There’s people who use they/them pronouns or different pronouns from those associated with their sex and don’t consider themselves trans! And there’s people who use pronouns that are associated with their sex and consider themselves trans! Technically because I use any pronouns, people can use she/her and that’s fine, but I’m still trans. I want top surgery, and I plan on cutting my hair into a more masculine cut, but I’m unsure about HRT. And after all that, I’m still trans!

I think this got kind of ramble-y but I really hope this all makes sense and helps to some capacity. And I encourage you to explore this and experiment! And if you decide “hey I’m actually not trans” that’s okay! Don’t be afraid to experiment and try things out :)

The trans experience is beautifully unique person to person, and your transness can look very different from someone else’s! :)

[the-trans-advice-blog]

a few years ago i sent in this ask to a different blog. i've been out as a trans guy for a couple years now, going by he/him and a different name, and i was happy with that even though i'd still question sometimes. but now i'm feeling suddenly really lost.

recently my chosen name and then he/him pronouns started to feel weird or off.

sometimes i get this strong feminine feeling, but it feels odd, like my friend was really tired and i was holding him and i felt this really maternal warm feeling, and then i felt like. sick.

one day i just suddenly had this feeling, like, "i'm a girl" and i started sobbing. and i told my mom i think im a girl after all, but i dont want to be ??

i told a close friend who's only ever known me as a guy to please use she/her and my birth name, and he's been doing a great job. but that feels off too, specifically the pronouns. it's like, i like it? but it's almost like i feel the she/her but not in a way that i'm a girl. and it feels weird

on a certain level i feel like i really WANT to be trans. i've started watching trans tiktoks and almost like trying to make myself feel trans again?? which i know is fucked up bc if im not im not, but idk why i want to be so bad. and i know people would say that its probably bc i am, but i just dont know

it feels like nothing is right anymore. i've also never wanted to consider being nonbinary of any type. i'm fine with other people being nonbinary, but it's never felt like it fits me. i don't know if i've got some internalised enbyphobia to work through but yeah.

anyway i'd really appreciate some advice please. thank you

Something that I’ve come to terms with recently is that no matter what I do I am trans. Even though I’ve started presenting more feminine and I enjoy being perceived femininely that doesn’t undo the fact that I’m cis. Maybe you want to explore using other pronouns or even using a combo of ones you’ve already used! There’s also terms like genderqueer that may fit you as well. I’d recommend looking into some nonbinary labels, there’s no pressure to call yourself nonbinary if you don’t want to either. You don’t have to figure out exactly what you are right now, just follow the feeling of whatever makes you the most happy and go from there.

I know it can be confusing but human beings are ever changing and I think that’s a beautiful thing. You don’t have to be a man or woman or nonbinary, you can just be you. If you find any micro labels that fit you better go for it! I’d personally recommend looking into genderfluid or other multi gender labels based on what you described.

I hope this helps my friend! Let me know if you need anything else.

P.S: you can use as many names, pronouns, and labels as you want :)

[ghastmaskzombie]

this blog is a safe place

this blog is safe for queers of all kinds: it is safe for gay men and lesbians, for bi and pan people, for aro and ace people, for allosexual aromantics and alloromantic asexuals, for polyamorous people, for trans people and nonbinary people, agender and pangender and genderfluid and others i haven’t heard of, for he/him women and she/her men, for cis people with unconventional gender presentation who are tired of being called ‘eggs’, for two-spirit people, and probably for someone else i haven’t thought of.

this blog is safe for people of all faiths and races and nationalities. it is safe for people white or black, asian, indian, hispanic, the natives peoples of all places, and anyone else i may have missed. for people atheist, christian, jewish, muslim, hindu, buddhist, sikh, for believers of obscure mysticisms and religions most think of as old mythology, and so on.

this blog will never condemn ordinary people for the actions of the governments that have authority over them or the religious institutions that have indoctrinated them. i have no ill will for the collective populaces or the individual people of red states and conservative nations, or common believers of historically destructive christian denominations and the like (i can’t just condemn every catholic now, can i?). some people are kind gears in cruel machines.

this blog is safe for people with neurodivergences and mental illnesses that are stigmatised and demonised even among people familiar with psychiatric ableism (is there a proper term for that?). i don’t know what many of those are but suffice it to say i’m working to scrub words like ‘psychopath’ and ‘narcissist’ from my casual vocabulary.

i will not interact with bigots or exclusionists on this blog in any way. i will never subject my followers to the sight of a debate about the validity of their existence, no matter how well i think i or anyone else can defend them. this blog will not share bad opinions for the sake of mocking them, or attempt to ‘own’ someone trying to make a point that doesn’t deserve consideration to begin with.

if it’s ever necessary, i will attempt to resolve conflicts privately, where they are not seen, such as in DMs. this is civility, not cowardice. anyone trying to get me to argue with them on a public post will be given this warning once, then blocked. (not that anything like that’s ever happened to me, anyway.)

this blog does not confuse doomscrolling for activism; it will not reblog out of guilt. there is a time and place to learn about the horrors of current events and i don’t know when that time is but my silly little blog is not the place.

this blog attempts to tag common triggers and phobias* and gets the obvious ones right sometimes, but i don’t know what i’m doing so always feel free to ask for your triggers to be tagged.

this post will be edited as time goes on, as i learn new things and i remember things i’ve forgotten to mention and i think of better ways to say what i’ve already said. this post takes suggestions. i think everyone who isn’t perfectly privileged is a little bit afraid that someone will claim to be safe and inclusive but then turn around and say “no, but not you,” when it really counts. i never want to be the source of that fear. i want you to know that you (yes, you), are safe here, and what ‘safe’ means when i say it.

*i use “#[trigger] cw” as my standard syntax for these tags

...Gosh, this post needs an update. I'll work on that.

[kiyokoxd]

headcanons about the ada members and maybe the pm members about their sexualities?? Idk why I am curious, maybe also about what kind of person they will like, i am sorry if it's too much

Armed Detective Agency

Atsushi, Dazai, Kunikida, Ranpo, Yosano

Atsushi Nakajima

• I definitely headcanon him as a pansexual, I don’t think he cares about your gender. 

• He needs someone to accept him the way he is and love him, he’s really nervous and insecure and needs reassurance so pls don’t be mad and love him pls he's precious help. he’s gonna be an amazing, might be over-protective sometimes but that’s mainly because he doesn't want to lose you <3

• Mainly prefers he/him but I don’t think he cares much about his gender?? I am not sure, I guess he’s cis??

Osamu Dazai

• Bisexual, that’s it. He loves all type of women as he says, men... Well the fact he said he “isn’t interested in men” is a lie, yep it is. Have you seen Chuuya with him? Ha, gay. I can say he might try not be attracted to men, his closeted ass might have some negative thoughts about it but ye, bisexual it is. 

• He just wants someone who gives him a reason to live tbh in my opinion, he’s touch starved even though won’t admit, just like the other bsd bois. He will appreciate you a lot and might lie to you slightly in the starting, but if you show him you’re trustworthy and love him no matter what, he would love you no matter what too.

• I headcanon him as Non-Binary, using he/they pronouns. This is because of the intro he gave to Atsushi and I think others too, he often refers to himself as the Japanese gender-neutral pronoun.

- I realised that pronoun thingy from this video (it’s embed); https://youtu.be/b_Gm2WcTCKY?t=313 

Kunikida Doppo

• Well, pretty sure he’s straight according to his so called “ideals”, but, I would say this, he doesn’t mind appreciating other men if they look good-looking. I mainly still think that he doesn’t care much about the gender but if his ideals are saying, women it is??? I mean I guess he can like nb people too, I am confused ngl

• Well most of his choices are in his ideals, from what I guess (I researched about this slightly) - he wants an independent woman who isn’t afraid and will do whatever to get what they want. Good at organising things and appreciates him for who he is.

• Cis?? I mean he’s fine with they/them but would rather prefer he/him.

Ranpo

• I guess he cares slightly about gender but for him, it’s personality > looks soooo, I guess I would headcanon him as Polysexual or Omnisexual. He’s slightly conscious but still won’t care and will love you the way you are so yeah.

• He wants someone sharing (well.. with sweets at least), someone who I  proud of him, funny and doesn’t get offended too quickly since he can be cocky. Who would definitely love it if they were smart, he would love to solve cases with them or just hang out.

• He/Him pronouns I guess, he’s cis.

Akiko Yosano

• Okay she gives me bisexual vibes for sure, HIGH BI VIBES. Queen shit. She mainly doesn’t mind what gender you are and will love you for who you are but prefers the label Bisexual - mainly being attracted to a female or male, but won’t mind non-binary, genderfluid people, etc.

• Well she would be amused if they’re not scared by her, that curiosity might take a huge turn if they enjoy shopping, her interested in learning more about the things Yosano likes, kind and supportive. Someone who can brighten up her day after a long tiring day.

• She/Her pronouns, cis for sure 

Port Mafia

Chuuya, Akutagawa, Higuchi

Chuuya Nakahara

• Haha okay he’s gay... Or maybe bisexual, just to please the ladies imma say that but I headcanon him as gay... Gay, yeah. Gay for Dazai.

• He’s very insecure of his weight and height so he needs someone who loves him just the way he is, compliments and gifts are his love language... So yes pls do that. Enjoy w i n e with him and I guess someone who’s serious yet cheerful too.

• He/Him.. Cis, yep.

Ryuunosuke Akutagawa

• Another closeted bisexual, jeez Dazai really be leaving his impressions on people. Mainly I feel like he’s a biromantic demisexual. Thanks to the torture and shit he went through, he needs time to open up, wayyy lot of time. He’s fine with anyone as long as they accept him and shit. pretty sure his personality sucks (Higuchi as an example) but yeahhhh, depends really.

• He needs someone who praises him - should be real, someone who accepts him for the monster he has become, he’s touch starved but won’t show any vulnerability so they NEED to have patience with him, make him realise things.

• He/Him or He/They I guess?? Demiboy probs.

[ Bonus ; His sister be gay so hi ]

Ichiyo Higuchi

• Well, bisexual... She obviously likes Aku but I ship her with Gin so 🏃‍♀️

• Someone who enjoys food?? I am not sure but yeah. She kinda likes invading your privacy and can be overprotective but it can be adorable, she wants someone to care for her and accept her. If she’s there for you, you should be there for her too. Would love it if you try and style her hair, no matter how funny it may come out to be.

• She/Her for sure.

[70eeznutz]

i’m gonna make a better intro/pinned post bc fuck it

i interact from @evervirescent, i also run a dragonvale blog @the-obsidian-equinox

about me

pronoun page

you can call me Virescent or Hades

neither are my legal name, Hades is a nickname someone gave me a long time ago bc it sounds similar to my legal name and i realized it works well online

genderfluid she/he/they

(i often get confused if someone switches between different pronouns really fast when referring to the same person if multiple people are being mentioned. also i’m afab so i’m most used to she/her but i really have no preference. i don’t mind if you only use one pronoun for me, especially if that makes it easier for you)

adult (born in 2004)

pacific time zone (california)

white & grew up upper middle class with good parents, so please educate me if there’s something i wouldn’t understand!

autistic

mentally ill, but no personality or psychotic disorders

i do have a few triggers but they’re very specific

as an attempt survivor, i have no tolerance for telling someone to take their own life. it doesn’t matter how universally hated that person might be. if i see someone do this, i will block and report them, unless i can clearly tell it’s a joke. i would also prefer if people don’t make those jokes around me unless i’ve given the okay.

blog content

in theory i can write and draw but i almost never make fan content for anxiety reasons IM DOING IT GUYS!! IM GODDAMN DOING IT!!

i usually just post memes or talk about xfohv and algebralians a normal amount

i might talk or reblog about other object shows too. occasionally.

i try to tag things that may be uncomfortable or triggering but i do not do a perfect job. if you need me to tag something please leave a reply to the post in question

sometimes I misspell words or use slang and abbreviations that likely won’t work in a translator, so if you would like me to write something in a way that’s easier to translate, just let me know!

i don’t kin or simp for any characters but i can project onto them really really hard

my favorite posts will be tagged with #pinned to the fridge

my favorite ships are sevensix, 4X, nineflop, and three x five

i also love queerplatonic eight x ten

if you want to know the exact details of everything i ship and in what ways you can go to #xfohv ship chart but be warned as i use homestuck concepts

you can repost my memes just don’t claim they’re yours (i actually get excited when i see smth i made somewhere else)

on the topic of discourse/etc (don’t worry!)

i try my best to keep an open mind and see from the perspective of all sides of various topics

i will not disclose my stance on any topics because i want to keep my blog discourse free, and i also want to interact with people of different opinions so i can privately learn and understand everyone better. this does still mean i have sides i agree and disagree with, but these aren’t set in stone and aren’t relevant right now.

i believe no one actually wants to be the bad guy and most people are only trying to help, so we should all work together to find out how to help as many people as we can. we should discuss instead of argue, and mutually work toward fully understanding these topics

i will still block people who go out of their way to harass or attack others ESPECIALLY if they encourage harm on anyone

needless to say, i have no DNI, but you still might not want to follow me if you’re not comfortable with the above information. i don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable here.

this post may be updated in the future if i think of something i want to add but for now that’s it

[friendlyneighbourhoodpapergay]

hello, without saying bi ppl are attracted to parts and pan people are attracted to people regardless of gender (that feels so biphobic to me ngl) can you please explain the difference between bi and pan? if bi is 2+ doesn't that include all? (which is what pan people say they are attracted to)

I've yet to see a single distinction that doesn't make it seem like bi people are only interested in s*x and not the personality

Hey there! Thanks for asking, I'm happy to answer questions like this and it's important that people ask so that they can learn!

I'll point you in the direction of this post for a summary definition of the two: https://moist-astronaut.tumblr.com/post/178797634275/pansexual-and-bisexual-can-be-easily-confused-but

(@moist-astronaut for credit)

A more detailed explanation:

Bisexuality and Pansexuality are both inclusive of trans and nonbinary people. Generally speaking, "bisexual" is used to mean "attraction to more than one gender". This could be men and women (this is inclusive of trans and cis men and women) or it could be men, women and nonbinary people, it could mean women and fem-aligned NBs, or men and masc-aligned NBs, it could mean "anyone non-male" or "anyone non-female", it could mean all genders! There are a wide variety of ways to be bisexual.

Bisexuality is not transphobic, though exclusionists have tried to paint it as such in the past; some from the pansexual side who claimed bisexuality wasn't inclusive, some from the bi side who were transphobic and didn't want to admit that their sexuality is inclusive.

Bisexuality does not mean genitalia, only that for most bisexuals, gender (NOT SEX) is still a factor in their attraction- perhaps the attraction is there for all genders, but feels different when it is directed towards fem-aligned Vs masc-aligned Vs androgynous people.

Pansexuality generally means "attraction regardless of gender", as you said. I am pansexual, gender is not a factor in my attraction level to someone. My attraction does not feel any different depending on the gender of the person it is directed towards. Pan automatically means "all genders", whether male, female, NB, genderfluid, or anything outside of the Western binary system of "man" and "woman". Bi people can still be equally attracted to all genders, the attraction may just work a little differently for them.

Pansexuality is not transphobic, though exclusionists have tried to paint it as such in the past; some from the bisexual side who claimed that pansexuals were "otherizing" trans people by saying pan meant "cis and trans people" and some from the pansexual side who were transphobic and didn't want to admit that trans men are men and trans women are women.

There is some overlap between the two communities- think of it like a Venn Diagram! But the distinction is still important to many, myself and my mspec friends included.

Over time, the two communities have moved past our differences. Some people remain ignorant (keep an eye out for "Battleaxe Bi"-this term means a bisexual who is panphobic, and for people who claim that bisexuals are only interested in genitalia, which is biphobic), but overall the communities are supportive of each other, as we should be!! And it's worth noting that "bi-pan discourse" doesn't really exist outside of Tumblr, and certainly not outside of the internet.

IN THIS HOUSE WE LOVE AND SUPPORT BI-PAN SOLIDARITY!!

[luna-the-moth]

Leviathan, Satan, and Asmodeus with a Genderfluid!MC (SFW)

Hello Love! Thanks for sending in the request! As the title says, Genderfluid! MC, SFW rating.

DISCLAIMER: There is a lot of diversity in the genderfluid community, and I can’t possibly cover every genderfluid person’s experience here. This will be based on the information I’ve researched and heard, along with firsthand accounts. Thank you to @writing-with-olive​ for writing about your experiences, along with the commenters who added important insight/additions. If I wrote any misinformation, please feel free to tell me in the comments!

Writing from a Genderfluid Reader’s POV by @/writing-with-olive

@/charged-wanderlust’s adding on to that post, including important details

Leviathan, Satan, and Asmodeus with a Genderfluid!MC (SFW)

Leviathan:

One word: Cosplay

(Bet you saw that coming, huh?)

He’ll adore the fact that you can dress in an array of styles with him, the possibilities are endless!

Whether you choose masculine, feminine, androgynous, etc, styles of clothing you prefer, he’ll have a costume whipped up for you.

After all, he’s known to be talented in outfit-making in-game, especially when it comes to cosplays.

Whatever identity you decide for yourself, he’ll happily create enamel pins for you, so people know what pronouns to call you.

Please ask him to make enamel pins, he’s literally so excited and honored to make you something you’ll wear.

I hc Levi as a person who’ll cosplay as masculine, feminine, or any orientation, so it’ll be nice for you to join him as well!

Cosplaying aside, he absolutely loves you, gender-fluidity and all.

If you’re ever feeling multiple genders at the same time, Levi’ll make sure to use those pronouns, and takes note of every change you go through.

I think that because his interests and passions used to be shunned, along with who he is, he’ll pay special attention to your changes.

He’s been uncomfortable or upset due to others being insensitive countless times, and he doesn’t want to accidentally put you in that position.

Oh he absolutely finds it fun to play video games, if you choose differently gendered/oriented characters to play with.

You both can experience quests and battles in a new way, exploring different characters, and their varying skills!

Plus, don’t tell anyone this, but he’d love to go shopping with you for clothing once in a while....

After all, seeing you embrace yourself wholly and expressing yourself through clothing is inspiring for him, and who knows?

You may be able to bring him out of his shell, my dear!

Satan:

He’s quite fascinated, to be honest.

To demons, gender-fluidity is a well-known term, as it’s not exactly uncommon for demons and Devildom inhabitants identify with it.

I personally hc that gender isn’t really made a fuss in the Devildom, and the demons don’t really care about it.

Since majority of them can change gender at will, it’s surprising to hear that there’s such discourse and discrimination in the human world in terms of gender.

As long as you feel happy, who cares?

It’s interesting to see how you go through gender fluidity, and if you give him permission, Satan would love to document your experience as a genderfluid person.

If you change to masculine (Or if you prefer to wear masculine clothing no matter what), he’ll offer up his clothes, feeling a small swell of pride seeing you wear them.

Definitely buys couples’ clothing for the both of you, with multiple sets to match whatever gender you are at the moment.

On the chance you prefer to keep a set of spare clothes of a different gender with you, he’ll offer to carry it, or give you a pendant/amulet/charm in which you can summon the clothes on at any given moment.

After all, it’s more convenient, and easily portable!

Any time you experience a sudden gender change, he’ll make sure to see if you’re alright, as (for some), it can disrupt your train of thought for a few moments.

Satan wants to make you feel comfortable and validated, so if there’s any signals that you have to signify your gender, (i.e a color coded bracelet, ring, accessory, etc) he’ll immediately take note and acknowledge you as such.

All in all, he adores you for who you are, no matter what you identify as.

He totally takes you shopping but unintentionally selects ugly as hell clothing for you to try on.

“Y/n? Would you try this on please? I think it would look nice with these bottoms and scarf.”

(Proceeds to show you a deep yellow and bright red checkered dress shirt, ripped bell-bottomed jeans, and a vivid neon blue scarf.)

“Look, I even have a matching set so we can be a pair!”

(Pulls out a matching suit with a white jacket, neon blue lapel, with a yellow and red dress shirt, polka dotted.)

At least the colors of the outfits match?

Asmodeus:

Ohoho, he’s ecstatic.

His darling is so versatile, it’s lovely, really.

Well, if you’re unsure of your gender-fluidity, or not sure what you identify as, he’ll gladly help you through the process, should you ever want his help.

Like, if you want to try out masculine/feminine/androgynous clothing to see how you feel in it, he’s got you covered!

Literally has closets of clothing with different genres and styles.

If you’re not the same size as him, don’t worry, he’ll ask Satan to enchant the articles of clothing you want to fit however you’d like!

Plus, if you prefer any accessories that signify your gender identification, he has t o n s, honey!

Bracelets, rings, earrings, hair clips, glasses, gloves, you name it, he’s got it!

After all, he (I hc him as this anyhow) fluxes between a variety genders and identities, simply because he feels more comfortable in that clothing.

So he always has different clothing options available for just about any type of mood/orientation/identity you can think of!

He also has a bottomless purse or bag on him at all times, for his makeup and accessories, but he’ll always ask if you want to put a spare change of clothes in as well!

Whenever you feel gender dysphoria, he’ll do his best to bring you to a calm, quiet place where you can focus on yourself a bit.

Should you ever need comfort or feel insecure, he’ll gladly comfort you, or make sure that you have space, his darling rose should take care of themself, after all!

Honestly, if you ever ask him for guidance or advice (seeing as he is old- but don’t tell him that-) about anything you’re unsure about, he’ll sit you down, light a candle, (or not, totally depends on if you want one or not) and gently guide you through your emotions and thoughts.

“Darling it’s ok to be confused, or disoriented. It’s normal for everyone, human, demon, angel, whatever! You’ll get through this, and I’ll be there every step of the way for you, my rose.”

[gendercensus]

On plural inclusivity and "plural they"

In the Gender Census feedback box and elsewhere I have frequently been asked:

to make the annual Gender Census survey more inclusive of plural participants, and

to add "plural they" to the checkbox pronouns list alongside "singular they" in order to be inclusive of plural participants.

It's a rambling topic, so I'll address them in sections in that order.

~

INCLUSIVITY RE: PLURAL PARTICIPANTS

I've been inviting plural people to take part in a short survey about the Gender Census, asking questions that help me get a feel for the issues involved and asking about whether people feel included in the survey (and why or why not). At the time of writing there have been 139 responses, I will leave it open for ongoing feedback, and I'm unlikely to be publishing the spreadsheet of results in full because the responses are off-topic and very personal. However, I will refer to some individual responses as well as my personal experience discussing inclusion with plural systems.

Here's a graph based on the responses so far:

I'm asking for direct feedback about this issue because over the past few years plural folks have been one of the more consistently vocal groups in the feedback box of the survey and elsewhere, which would usually be fine, but I've been finding it very overwhelming and confusing. I think that's because the advice/demands/questions have been unusually inconsistent, often to the point of being in direct opposition to each other, and the result is that I have no idea what to do.

Before now, most plural people have understood that it's quite a nuanced issue. When asked I would explain that if they felt that filling it in once for the whole system made more sense they should do that, and if individual system members felt strongly that they should participate alone then they could do so.

This year it got to the point where I had to make a decision and write unambiguous, easy-to-follow guidance about how plural people should fill in the survey, because I had one system submitting dozens of responses and giving the exact same three points of feedback, paraphrased, over and over - making it look like many unconnected people felt strongly about these particular issues, when in reality it was all this one system. I decided that, to be as fair as possible, plural people should fill in the survey once per body.

When I posted about the "once per body" policy on social media I received very little direct feedback, which leaves me in the position of not knowing whether that's because I did it right and you have no complaints or because you've all jumped ship! The statistics and comments from the plural feedback survey are very helpful in this regard:

It seems that plural participants, on the whole, are fairly understanding about it all, often supportive, and are still able to participate. ("Unknown" and "no strong feelings" together are a much higher proportion than I expected.) Some positive feedback included appreciation for the ability to select as many gender identities and pronouns as one wants. Common arguments against the policy include feeling that system members are not treated as people in their own right, which is understandable; the Gender Census is designed to present practicable data about nonbinary people for use within a system that assigns one identity per body, socially and bureaucratically. A "once per body" policy makes sense when prioritising nonbinary people, but adds to the list of crap that only plural people have to struggle through when they're not the main focus of the research.

I was surprised that only a couple of people pointed out that some systems have amnesia between members, and so some systems may participate more than once per body unintentionally. (I understand that this is unavoidable, and I certainly wouldn't be upset about it. Sometimes non-plural people participate more than once by accident, too! On the scale we're talking about, I'm unlikely to even notice it happening.)

Back when I first started to get requests to make the Gender Census more plural-inclusive, my first move was to ask people what exactly they felt excluded by. Responses to this have been continuously nebulous, to the extent that I don't think I have ever made any design changes to the annual survey at all as a result. I also asked what they would do to improve the survey and help them to feel included, but this has yielded very few viable ideas for how to move forward, just because so many of the ideas that people suggest are mutually exclusive.

As an example, I spoke to one member of a system who expressed, understandably, that their experience of themselves as plural inextricably affected their experience of their gender(s), and after some discussion they concluded that the two were so intertwined that it made the most sense for it to be included in the identity question, e.g. a checkbox called "plural" alongside nonbinary, genderqueer, trans, etc. I explained that I don't arbitrarily add things to the checkbox list, but it would be counted if it was typed into a textbox underneath, and if it went over 1% I would consider adding it to the checkbox list. They became increasingly angry. The only way this situation would make sense for them moving forward was if I added "plural" as an identity checkbox option immediately. Conversely, just a couple of weeks previously I had spoken with a member of a system who was very vocally distressed at the idea of plurality being conflated with gender, and wanted to make sure that I never added "plural" as an identity checkbox option.

As another example, in the plural feedback survey when I asked people how they felt about the "once per body" policy, a member of one system was against it and said "it feels like this policy doesn’t recognize us as separate people", but a member of another system was in favour and said "we're encouraged by our therapist to think of ourselves as dissociated parts of a whole. So we're all one person, just not directly connected like a singlet [non-plural person] would be. From that perspective, it makes sense to keep us as one person in the gender census, no matter how many genders we have." It's not possible to reconcile these two perspectives.

From the very beginning up until now, the unifying theme for feedback from plural people and their allies is "please be more inclusive of plural people." That's a really good start! After that it becomes a plate of tangled spaghetti.

Here are some themes I've managed to tease out, and my thoughts.

"Each system's alter should be able to participate in the survey individually if they want to." Some systems have literally hundreds of alters, and several systems have acknowledged in the feedback survey that this is probably both impractical for many plural people and unfair on singlets.

"We're okay with taking part once for all of us in the system, but we're just checking all the boxes that apply to at least one of us, and some of those are explicitly disliked by at least one of us. This is uncomfortable." I think that's... probably okay, actually. Other subcategories of participants whose identities fluctuate that strongly (e.g. a genderfluid person who is sometimes very male and sometimes extremely not male) or whose pronouns are context-dependent are also in this predicament. Participants often express a desire to rank their identity terms by importance, accuracy, fluctuation or frequency. The survey aims to collect broad and fuzzy data about a very large group of people, to monitor trends and let people know what language we're comfortable with on the whole. This survey just isn't looking for that kind of nuance.

"We're okay with taking part in the survey once for everyone in the system, but there should be a way to separate out responses about different alters within that one response." It's literally impossible to program the survey to have infinite subsections for each alter, but if it were possible, what would I do with the data? I think the most likely approach would be combining into a list of identities etc. "per body". The participant would feel better for being able to enter different words for different alters, but it would be more work for them, and it would be more work for me to process responses from plural people just to have them be counted like those from non-plural people.

"There should be a 'plural' checkbox in the identity list so that we can express that our gender is influenced by our plurality." I consider adding terms to the identity checkbox list when they're typed into the textboxes by over 1% of participants. There are some situations where I'll make an exception to that rule, but it's unusual and this isn't one of them. Whether you enter a term using a checkbox or a textbox makes no difference to how well-represented you are in the results.

Maybe just a question that asks if you're plural, with a checkbox? What would this checkbox do? Plurality is beyond the scope of the survey, along with things like height and eye colour. It would allow curious people to analyse the responses using plurality as a variable, but I wouldn't include it in any analysis in an annual Gender Census report.

That last one is particularly interesting, because it's what I actually did in the supplementary survey. I wasn't 100% sure in advance whether or not I would need that information for the singular vs. plural they issue, so I included an "I am/we are plural" checkbox just to be on the safe side. As far as I could tell, the survey was no more or less materially inclusive than the annual Gender Census survey. There were a couple of interesting patterns to report in the statistics, but the main things I noticed were:

Feedback saying that the survey wasn't inclusive of plural people was non-existent.

Several people thanked me in the feedback box for making the survey plural-inclusive.

Several people promoted the survey on social media by using its plural-inclusivity as a selling point.

Again, the supplementary survey didn't take a different approach. There was no particular difference in language, there was no indication that whether or not you're plural would be integral to the reporting of the results or even used at all, the only difference was the existence of a checkbox that let participants declare their plurality.

That's all it took to cause a complete U-turn in feedback. A checkbox that doesn't relate to gender or connect to any of the other questions in any way, and isn't particularly statistically useful based on the supplementary survey. It doesn't make the survey more inclusive, it just acknowledges that some participants are plural, and gives them a way to declare it.

Whether or not participants are plural is beyond the scope of the Gender Census, which aims to collect broad data about how we as nonbinary and otherwise genderly-interesting people want the world to see and describe us. It just doesn't make sense to include questions about plurality in future surveys. But I'm honestly amazed and a little confused, because until the "once per body" policy was added it seems that there wasn't actually anything about the Gender Census that prevented plural people from participating, at least not more than anyone else whose genders change significantly over time.

~

SHOULD "PLURAL THEY" BE ADDED TO THE CHECKBOX PRONOUN LIST?

This is something that participants often ask me to do in order to make the survey more plural-inclusive, so I decided to seriously consider it.

The first draft of the supplementary survey asked over 1,000 participants about this issue, but I had to scrap those responses and then redesign and restart it because, even though dictionaries are fairly clear on what exactly "singular they" is, a lot of survey participants who are not dictionaries seemed to be in disagreement (or confusion) about what singular they and plural they actually are. I have been unable to find any academic or reference articles online using the phrase "plural they" at all.

Here are some of the things people have told me recently:

"Singular they" is when you use "they" with singular verbs, e.g. they is a teacher.

I can't say that I use "singular they" pronouns because I always say "they are". "They is" just sounds wrong to me.

"Plural they" is when you use "singular they" pronouns to refer to a system/someone who is plural.

"Singular they" and "plural they" are grammatically identical except for the name.

"Singular they" and "plural they" are functionally the same and should be combined into one option called "they" in the annual survey.

Let's start by stating what we do know for sure.

~

THEY VS. SINGULAR THEY

For the record, "singular they" is defined by its purpose and context, not the specific words used.

Wiktionary says:

they (third-person, nominative case, usually plural, sometimes singular, objective case them, possessive their, possessive noun theirs, reflexive themselves, or, singular, themself)

It then goes on to specify three use-cases:

third-person plural, referring to two or more people

third-person singular, referring to one person

"indefinite pronoun" - people; some people; people in general; someone, excluding the speaker. E.g. "they didn’t have computers in the old days."

So we've got "they" (groups), "singular they" (individuals), and "indefinite they" (an "other" that is ambiguous in number).

Again, I have never found anything academic or, er, dictionarical (lexicographical?) that calls any of the forms "plural they", so my first job is to find out whether what Gender Census participants are calling "plural they" is the same as what the dictionary just calls "they", which is defined as the set used to refer to two or more people. For the purposes of this article I will call it regular "they".

~

WHICH WORDS MAKE UP SINGULAR THEY?

Even though most dictionaries will state which words make up singular they, and it's usually they/them/their/theirs/themself, if you change individual words within the set or even around the set it is still called "singular they" if it is used to refer to only one person. This might happen due to regional or cultural variations. So whether you say "they is a writer" or "they are a writer", whether you say "themself" or "themselves", if you're talking about only one person, it's still singular they.

In the annual survey, singular they is consistently chosen in the checkbox pronoun options by the most participants, usually more than twice as popular as the next most popular option. (I use the dictionary-provided set, and I've checked it's still the most commonly used in several polls and surveys along the way.) In the annual survey, singular they is presented as:

singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself (e.g. "they are a writer")

~

WHICH WORDS MAKE UP PLURAL THEY?

I had never heard of "plural they" before people started asking me to add it to the checkbox list in the feedback box of the annual Gender Census survey, but it seemed clear from the name that it is meant to be contrasted with singular they, and I wondered if perhaps everyone else had been calling regular "they" (for referring to two or more people) "plural they" this entire time and I just hadn't noticed.

It was specifically presented to me by participants as a pronoun that a plural system could claim, and that a plural system might prefer over singular they. This tallied with my initial assumption that "plural they" may just be regular "they" referring to groups, since a system is a body containing two or more distinct individuals, so if they wanted to be referred to as a group then singular they would be inappropriate and regular "they" would fit.

I went to the pronouns spreadsheet of the 2021 Gender Census, and took every pronoun set that was named and copied it into a new spreadsheet. I ran a query to list all sets that contained both the words "plural" and "they" in the name field. There were 71 results, out of ~44,500 total responses. I ran another query to find out what these people were entering in the reflexive field, and here's what I got:

themselves - 61 (85.9%)

theirselves - 3

them - 2

themself - 2

themself (plural) - 2

theirself - 1

So I think it's safe to say that the set that people are calling "plural they" uses "themselves" as the reflexive, which is consistent with dictionaries' reporting of regular "they".

I conclude that most people do mean regular "they" when they refer to "plural they". "Plural they" seems to be they/them when used to refer to two or more people, including the plural reflexive "themselves".

As in "singular they", if you change individual words within the set or even around the set it is still called regular "they" if it is used to refer to two or more people. This might happen due to regional or cultural variations. So whether you say "they is writers" or "they are writers", whether you say "themself" or "themselves", if you're talking about two or more people, it's still regular "they" (or plural they).

~

IS PLURAL THEY GETTING SMUSHED INTO ANOTHER PRONOUN/GROUP?

I recently explored the (apparently unintentional) overlap of Spivak (e/em) and Elverson (ey/em). In case you've not read it, here's a brief overview: I found that it might be that Elverson (not on the checkbox list) is many times more popular than Spivak (on the checkbox list), even though it isn't being written into the pronouns textboxes often enough for it to reach the 1% threshold. Since the two sets are identical except for that one letter in the subject form, it is very likely that many of the people who use Elverson (ey/em) pronouns are choosing the Spivak checkbox option in the annual survey because they don't realise the spelling is different, or they think that they are minor spelling variants of the same set. I concluded that in order to get a fair count of both sets I will need to list both in the checkbox options next year, even though Elverson hasn't been typed in by over 1% of participants yet.

It's possible that the same thing is happening with singular and plural they. I ran a couple of Twitter polls, asking people whose pronouns are they/them which set they prefer, and presented answers like this:

a) Singular they, referring to only 1 person: they are themSELF

b) Singular they, referring to only 1 person: they are themSELVES

c) Plural they, referring to 2+ people: they are themSELVES

Here's the results, with 927 usable responses:

The results of this poll are really useful, because it allowed people to choose between singular and plural they AND themself and themselves, in combination. We can see that of the people who call their pronouns "singular they" (referring to only one person), the majority prefer "themself" as the reflexive, but a respectable proportion prefer singular they with "themselves", even when presented with the option of "plural they" (referring to two or more people).

(I have a policy of providing the most popular word choices in checkboxes, so I will continue to provide a they/them checkbox option that says "singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself", but since singular they is consistently the most popular pronoun this is something I like to keep checking in on.)

If we apply these proportions to the 2021 Gender Census responses and imagine that everyone whose pronouns are they/them chose "singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself" regardless of how accurate that is, this would mean that 3.7% of all respondents would check a "plural they" box, which is well above the 1% threshold for adding something to the checkbox list. Why not add it to the list, the way I'll also be adding Elverson to the list? This graph may help:

I generally consider it unwise to make big decisions based on Twitter polls, because the sample is much smaller and more biased than a standalone survey. Twitter requires membership, Twitter membership is skewed younger, and younger members are more likely to use Twitter often and see polls when they appear.

However, even I can't deny that there is a very clear mandate here for Elverson to be added to the checkbox list. When given a straight choice between the Spivak, Elverson, both, and neither/something else, participants were over six times more likely to choose Elverson over Spivak. (For context, Spivak got 4.3% in the 2021 Gender Census as a checkbox option.) Even if this poll were somehow put to the entire Gender Census participant group, it's hard to imagine a scenario where the results shift enough that Elverson gets a lower percentage than Spivak.

4.7% of a smaller sample of younger Twitter members just isn't enough to push me to add something to the checkbox options. I really hope that everyone whose pronouns are "plural they" takes the time to type it into next year's survey as a pronoun distinct from "singular they", so that if they do end up being over 1% of participants I can add "plural they" to the checkbox options.

~

IN CONCLUSION

As far as I can tell, the Gender Census doesn't particularly exclude plural participants. Systems are still able to take part, so it is at least as inclusive as any other survey of a similar nature, maybe even more so thanks to the ability to choose multiple gender identities and pronouns "per body".

There isn't sufficient evidence to support adding "plural they" to the list of checkbox pronouns at this time, and systems can be represented in results by typing any plural-inclusive terms and pronouns that are not on checkbox lists into some of the many textboxes provided, as any other participant would be expected to do.

The "once per body" participation policy is uncomfortable for a significant number of plural people. However, due to the intensely varied experiences of plural people, any policy on that issue that I impose would make some plural people uncomfortable - and it turns out that I chose the "side" that plural people are more likely to agree with. The survey isn't intending to collect or convey the more nuanced information that plural people (and others) have said that they would like to provide.

A separate question that specifically asks participants whether they're plural makes systems feel seen and acknowledged, but is beyond the scope of the project and doesn't add value to the data or analysis.

So, I will not be making any changes to the Gender Census at this time, based on the information I've gathered so far. However, I welcome further feedback in the plural participants' feedback form, which will remain open, anonymous and private.

~

Edit: Follow-up.

[aggressive-positivity-network]

So I (A white cisgender heterosexual woman who likes pumpkin spice lattes and Animal Crossing, so yeah) grew up in a very, VERY LGBTQ+-phobic household, and that translated into me having basically no knowledge on the LGBTQ+ community. Could you do me a massive favor and just lay out straight the words and phrases and generally help a dumbass out?

Oooh, no problem! And believe me, you aren’t a dumbass. I knew next to nothing for a while, and I grew up in a very supportive household. I just didn’t have the means to learn about it.

Here’s a phrasebook for some common phrases you might hear:

TERF: Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist; they believe that trans women should not be included in their fight for gender equality, and that because trans woman “used to be men” they shouldn’t be allowed in women safe spaces because they might rape someone. Sooo yeah. Keep away from them. They are pretty nasty and misguided. Also known as radfems.

Pansexual: Attracted sexually to anyone of any gender identity.

Panromantic: Attracted romantically to anyone of any gender identity

Bisexual: Attracted sexually to two or more genders.

Biromantic: Attracted romantically to two or more genders

Pan/Bi Discourse: Some people think pansexual and bisexual should become one or the other because they’re very similar to each other, but whether you identify as either of them is a personal choice, and you shouldn’t let anyone dictate your identity - ever. You can even be both at the same time, if you choose to identify that way! Honestly, it isn’t that big of a deal which one you choose, as long as you feel comfortable between them!

Demisexual/Demiromantic: Needs to form a strong emotional bond with someone before pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship. They probably wouldn’t enjoy speed-dating or sleeping with someone they just met. They might not experience sexual attraction for someone unless they knew the person very well.

Asexual: Does not feel sexual attraction for anyone; however, they still might like to have sex, may be neutral about sex, or might even be repulsed by it. Most people confuse this with chastity (not choosing to have sex, usually for religious reasons) or abstinence (choosing not to have sex until married). However, they still might get horny, or want to pleasure themselves. The usual difference is having it with another person. If they see a hot guy, for example, the immediate thought may be, “Wow they’re attractive,” rather than, “Have my babies.”

Aromantic: Does not feel romantic attraction for anyone; this may mean that usual romantic relationships don’t appeal to the person, or that shows of romance (flowers, dates, etc.) doesn’t appeal to them. However, they can still have very strong platonic relationships, and still do enjoy sex, but might not develop crushes or want to go on a date with someone. They might marry platonically, or marry romantically on certain terms.

Grey/Graysexual: Anyone who is in that “gray” space between being asexual and being sexual. They might like the idea of sex, but hate the product. They might have fantasies they’d like to live out in the bedroom, but not actual sex. They might like sex, but under certain conditions. People have their own names for the different facets of graysexuality, but are all under this umbrella.

Grey/Grayromantic: Anyone in that “gray” space between romantic and aromantic. They might like huge shows of romance in novels, but wouldn’t be a fan of it happening to them. They might have a crush on a person, but would never be in a relationship with them, even if asked. Graysexuality also has different names for different facets, but it’s still all under this umbrella.

Queer: Usually used as a temporary or even permanent label for when someone is still trying to figure things out. They know that there is something inside of them that’s different - but they’re not quite sure yet.

Non-binary: People who are neither male nor female, and are outside the gender spectrum. A few have androgynous (gender-neutral) styles or body types, but no matter what they wear or what they look like, they are still non-binary!

Trans: Someone who was born gender, but knows in their heart that they are another. Someone may be born a boy, but always feel like a girl, vice versa, or both genders may change to non-binary, bigender, genderqueer, or genderfluid. Being trans simply means you are making the physical and/or mental transition from one gender or another.

Transmasc: A trans person that presents as masculine, with both clothes and manner.

Transfemme: A trans person that presents as feminine, with both clothes and gender.

Bigender: Someone who identifies as male sometimes and female sometimes.

Genderfluid: Someone who drifts from one end of the binary spectrum (male on one side, female on the other) and may have several sets of pronouns. They may feel more feminine one day, more masculine another, and somewhere in between later that week.

AMAB: Assigned Male At Birth; this has no bearing on current gender identity, but it’s medically useful and can help trans people talk about themselves before they transition.

AFAB: Assigned Female At Birth; this has no bearing on current gender identity, but it’s medically useful and can help trans people talk about themselves before they transition.

Two-Spirit: A Native American who identifies as the traditional third gender, with both a masculine and a feminine spirit inside of them. It’s a pretty new term, and not all Indigenous people choose to label themselves or others that way.

Femme: A woman who dresses and acts in a traditionally feminine way.

Butch: A woman who dresses and acts in a traditionally masculine way.

Beard: Describes a partner in a relationship that exists for the purpose of keeping someone’s true sexual attraction status a secret. A gay man might have a relationship with a woman, who would be considered his beard.

Queerplatonic Relationship: A relationship that is a mixture of the traditional platonic relationship and the traditional romantic relationship. People included in this relationship can raise children and own a house together, but most likely won’t participate in sexual and/or romantic activities.

Polyamorous Relationship: A relationship that includes three or more people at any given time. This may look like a couple having an open relationship, where they can date others as they please, or it may be a set few people that stay together. Two people can be attracted to one other person, three people can all be attracted to each other, two couples can have sexual or romantic relations with each other’s partner - there are infinite combinations, and, as long as it’s healthy, they’re all valid!

I hope this helps! This is not an exhaustive list, but these are pretty much the basics and a little bit more. If you have any specific term you’d like me to define, I’d be more than happy to! Also, if I got any wrong, please feel free to correct me, and I’ll edit the post as soon as I can!

Also, who’s your favorite Animal Crossing character? I like Blathers a lot! Nerds and professors have my entire heart.

[lyssismagical]

I love your stories, but i kinda wanna see something from you: whatever lingual Peter. Also Parkner because why not. Do whatever you want just tag me if you do end up doing it💕🌼

 {Idk if this is what you meant, but this ft Peter who can speak like six languages but specifically French!Peter bcs I’m kinda bilingual}

*

Coming from a small town like Rose Hill, they barely even offered a decent English class, let alone any foreign language classes. Harley still doesn’t even know how to use commas or spell most words longer than six letters. But he knows how to fix a car up, he knows tons about biology and engineering and chemistry, he just couldn’t write an essay to save his life.

Which is why meeting Peter is so strange. He goes to a school that teaches three foreign languages, all of which Peter had taken, and he’d learned Italian from May, not to mention that Delmar kept him sharp in Spanish.

It was strange for him to meet someone so linguistically intelligent.

Peter was capable of writing essays without a second thought, able to formulate ideas not only in English but in six other languages as well.

Harley normally stumbled over everything he tried to say, getting excited and tripping over his words, and mumbling. But Peter was a wizard with words when he was trying, as long as he wasn’t too excited or tired.

When he was trying, Peter could string together sentences Harley couldn’t even begin to understand, and it just made him fall head over heels even faster in love with him.

“Je t’aime, mon amour,” Peter will murmur into his chest late at night.

“Ti vedrò stasera,” he’ll tell May when they’re leaving his apartment.

“¿Cómo estás?” he’ll say to Delmar at lunch.

It makes Harley’s heart swell, despite only knowing some of the things he says.

Sometimes, of course, it makes him feel left out, confused, like an outsider. May and Peter will argue in Italian, Peter will converse with Delmar and other Queens friends he has in Spanish, he’ll murmur French endearments, he’ll talk to Ned in quick Filipino, he’ll whisper in Russian to himself under his breath. And Harley can sometimes barely hold an English conversation.

It sometimes makes him feel stupid, like he’d never be smart enough to understand Peter, never be able to catch up with him intellectually.

But Peter’s never once talked down to him, never once skipped a beat when repeating phrases in English or when editing his papers, fixing all his grammar without blinking an eye.

“It’s not like it’s a big deal. It’s all just because of people I know. May taught me Italian, Natasha taught me Russian, Ned taught me Filipino. I’m sure if you had family from elsewhere, you would’ve learned to communicate with them too,” Peter says, always simple and easy in his solutions.

“But I know you,” Harley points out. “You’re like family, I love you, why haven’t I learned all these languages so I can communicate with you?”

Peter shakes his head, curling a little bit closer to Harley on the couch where they’d just finished watching a movie. “It’s not like that. You can communicate with me just fine.”

“I know, I just can’t help but feel a little stupid when I can’t understand half the things you say.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to be more conscious of it. It doesn’t make you stupid, either, you’re the smartest person I know, Harls. And if it really makes you feel bad, I’ll teach you, alright?”

And it’s dropped from there, pushed aside, forgotten.

It takes until a simple Friday night that Harley really realizes his feelings about Peter’s fluency in other languages.

Peter had barely slept all week, worked himself half to death between university classes and homework, his internship with Tony, patrolling as Spider-Man, and ending the week off with a gruelling thirty-six-hour long mission out of country. He was clearly exhausted, slurring his words, eyes half-shut.

“C’mon, honey, let’s get some food in you before you pass out for the night,” Harley murmurs, one arm keeping Peter upright as they head to their cramped kitchen.

Peter smiles sleepily, “Tu m’as tellement manqué. Je ne pouvais pas arrêter de penser à toi et à notre vie ensemble.”

Harley has no idea what that means but he smiles anyway because Peter, voice all rough and sweet as honey, murmuring all these French words to him, it makes his chest feel all tight and warm with love.

“Il n’y a rien que je ne ferais pas pour toi. J’espère que tu sais. Tu est mon univers. Je veux t’épouser assez tôt. J’aimerais pouvoir être ici toujours, dans tes bras, ressentir ton amour. J’aurais aimé que nous n’ayons aucune responsabilités. Qu’il n’y avait que toi et moi, ici, toujours. Seulement nous.”

“I don’t know what you just said, but I love you,” Harley says in response. “I forgot the last time we talked about it, but French is a love language and god, I love it when you speak French like that.”

Peter grins a little brighter, leaning tiredly against the counters. “Parfois, je ne peux pas croire que tu m’as choisi.”

“C’mon, I can’t even guess what you’re saying to me.”

“C’est le but, mon cher.”

Harley passes over the dinner he’d left in the microwave while awaiting Peter’s return and he grins, shaking his head. “You’re a cheater. You could be telling me that I’m a dumbass, and I’d be over here complimenting you and saying I love you.”

“Je t’aime, chéri.”

“I know that one!” Harley exclaims, planting a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. “You taught me that! I love you too.”

Harley wraps his arms around Peter, and he sways them while Peter eats up quickly, and when he finishes, they leave the dishes for the morning.

They head to bed, Peter just collapsing into the mattress and letting Harley peel the suit off him and tuck him in, staying limp and pliant.

Harley tucks Peter into his chest, peppering kisses over his face and shoulders and hands, murmuring soft endearments to him.

“Je ne sais pas si je pourrais te le dire sit u comprendrais mais je t’aime plus que les mots ne peuvent le décrire. Je mourrias pour toi. Je tuerais pour toi. Je ferais n’importe quoi pour toi. J’aimerais pouvoir expliquer à quel point vous comptez pour moi. Je t’aime, Harley, plus que tout.”

“Sweetheart-”

Peter smiles, eyes already closed, looking like an angel with his curls a mess around his pale face, freckles splattered across his cheekbones, mouth curved up into a smile. God, Harley loves him.

“I just love you is all,” he whispers, voice so vulnerable and gentle. “So much. More than words in any language could describe.”

Harley kisses him, pulling the blanket tighter around them, their little safe haven. “Imagine how I feel. I only know one language, and trust me, English doesn’t have the words.”

“Mon amour,” Peter responds quietly, baby browns gazing up at Harley. He curls just a little closer, letting Harley protect him from the world. “Il mio amore. Mi amor. Mahal ko. моя любовь. Iubirea mea. Min elskede. My love.”

“Je t’aime,” Harley says, nearly stumbling over the pronunciation. “Beaucoup.”

Peter lights up, pressing a kiss to Harley’s collarbone. “Goodnight, mon bel ange.”

“Night, darling.”

Taglist: @littlemissagrafina  @fancyxparker  @romeoandjulietyouwish @c-artara @shadedrose01 @likeaphoenix13 @misskirkstark @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @kitkatwinchester  @emo-girl10  @hold-our-destiny @imalivebecauseirondad @spiderman-peterman @dykeragee @maryserrao @heeeyitskay @parknerandirondad @lilacsandlilies4 @loveliestdisappointment @joyful-soul-collector @genderfluid-and-confuzled @fallenstar07 @gyurolls @sdottkrames {Lemme know if you wanna be added or removed}

[b00t-s]

Characters Introduction

All characters belong to Thomas and crew, I just altered them for my au ^^

T.W: MENTAL HEALTH MENTION, DRINK (non alcoholic) MENTION, SOME¿ SWEARING, LONG POST, CAPITALS,TELL ME IF YOU NEED ANY OTHERS.

CHARACTERS (if I find motivation I will draw them)

Thomas Sanders, cis Male, he/him: [30]co-manager of "beans and co". He is a wholesome, good natured man and is a proud gay, and cares for others a lot. Thomas occasionly participates in the local theatre community, depending on his schedule and shifts. He is a HUGE fan of Disney, Harry Potter and all things cartoons. He is extremely partial to a certain regular customer, Nico Flores. Unfortunately, he is a pushover and listens to his employees and co-manager more than he should, and can overthink events repetitively, causing him to worry alot, causing him to trip up alot.

Nico Flores, cis male, he/him: [30]regular customer at Beans and Co. ,and a casual songwriter. Thinks Thomas is pretty cute and adores his feeble attempts at flirting. He's quite a cheerful and friendly dude, but doesn't give a fuck about what other people think. He and Joan have some playful banter, mostly to tease Thomas but their senses of humour just go well together. Has a simple coffee order and doesn't interact much unless Thomas/Joan have a shift.

Joan, non-binary, they/them: [30] co-manager of beans and co. They are as smart as they are funny, and can have a lewd sense of humour. They swear too much for a subtle coffee shop, so Thomas tries not to put them on counter jury. They enjoy art so they do latte art that the customers love and makes the Beans and Co customers regulars. Them and Thomas platonically flirt to confuse everyone often and it is a running gag for regular customers. They are the bestest of best friends. They are currently dating Talyn, who sometimes comes in for coffee but not often.

Janus Anguis, genderfluid, xey/xem: [28] been a barista at Beans and Co. for 5 years, mainly night-shifts. Xey have a dismal view and approach to life, as xey believe society is twisted to manipulate all it's inhabitants; in retaliation Xey lie too much and can be incredibly sarcastic. Janus can make amazing coffee if xey're in a good mood or like you, but if you've upset xem in someway, or xey just hate you for no reason, get ready to have the most bitter coffee ever. Xey hate paradoxes, optical illusions and people in general, unless you are one of the lucky select few. Virgil Frica was not in those few.

Virgil Frica, cis male, he/him: [27] barista at Beans and Co. He is stuck in his emo phase but the people in his life find it endearing, which he hates. He suffers from heightened anxiety which he attempts to disguise in a thick layer of sarcasm and dark eyeshadow. He has a hidden talent for poems, which he doesn't mention much. He regularly dyes his hair purple and doesn't give a fuck about the cafe's policy, so Thomas has just given up telling him. His coffee is medi-core. He constantly tells people he hates his job but he hasn't left for over five years and regularly makes banter with the customers. He and Janus have some sort of rivalry going on but the occasionally team up.

Patton Parvus, trans male, he/him: [29] barista at beans and Co. He is the softest little puffball they team has and all co-workers protect him at all costs. However, he does have a criminal record...and you know...depth....*cough cough spoilers cough cough*ANYWAY he has been working at the cafe for nearly seven years now, 3 years after it had opened, and has been the guide for the new recruits. He and Virgil are the iconic friends of the team, known for their playful dynamic.

Roman ‘Princi’ Realeza, demiboy, he/she: [28] regular customer at Beans and Co. ,and is Good friends with Patton and Virgil but hasn't met Janus yet. He is a minor actor in the Local theatre group, the same one Thomas attends, and is always over-dramatic. His coffee order is.....interesting.....and always angers the newbies, so she is generally directed to Patton, who has worked there long enough and is patient enough to deal with Roman. He is a strong feminist and will stand up for others....even if help is unwanted. She is a proud latino, his father being Spanish. His ego is huge but fragile.

Remus ‘Dukey’ Realeza, non-binary, they/them: [28] Remus is Roman's Twin, and gleefully torments him as much as possible. Unlike Roman, Remus took to more of the creative arts than the dramatic arts, and creates beautiful...or disturbing, depending on how you look at it....paintings. They have been married to Logan Realeza for 3 years now, even though them and him seem to be polar opposites. They mainly bond over medical shit as Logan is a brain surgeon and Remus has an unsettling fascination of gore. Remus is too horny for their own Good, and does not hide it, constantly embarrassing Logan. They may not have a fragile ego like Roman, but they do have mild abandonment issues and a disorder called Pica, meaning they crave and eat non-edible items. Only comes to the café when the know Roman is trying to do something important.

Logan Realeza, cis male, he/him: [29] Logan is a extremely talented Brain Surgeon, and has been presented with the Young Neurosurgeon Award at 24. He has autism but hides it well and is very well accustomed to it. He is married to Remus, something he wonders why he loves daily. They do help him alot with his autism, though, and as much as Logan ‘love is overrated’ Realeza will deny, he really does love Remus. A lot. He was the one to propose in the First place, and he does have a soft spot for romantic poems, and oh boy does Remus know that. He and Roman have a love-hate relationship. Logan doesn't understand why Roman must be so flamboyant, and Roman doesn't know why Logan must be such a buzzkill. Only comes in the café when one of the twins drag him there.

AND THAT'S IT FOR NOW! I am going to start working on a plot and things, but you guys are welcome to interact with the characters and the narrator (me), and ask if you want to be tagged, the usual. This can be interactive so again, feel free to give prompts, give tips, ask the characters questions, etc. I know it's kind of a cliché troupe, but this time it's different, I hope. Anyway, that's it! Thank you for taking the time to read this!

[dear-systems]

TW/ CSA, COCSA, SA, abuse, possible internalized Something Bad But I Dont Know What, general panic, idiocy, and self doubt akdj

Hiiiii,,, can I ask some for advice/opinions/guidance for me possibly being a system? It’s a very scary thought, I don’t think I wanna be a system, not really. It’s all confusing, it’s all a lot, and idk what to do. I don’t remember a lot of my childhood, sure, but like, I remember some things! I remember enough! What could’ve happened to me? I lived close to a predator that’s true, but I never slept over more than a couple nights, and I can’t remember anything they could’ve done to me, they never showed any signs. I grew up in a home, though, with a sibling of mine, and theyre… a complicated at best story. They were def preyed upon, and they also sexually assaulted me. I have blurry memories from when I was little of them playing “”games”” with me that make me wanna throw up, but they never really crossed the line into the assault like that one time. I repressed that one time soo much anyway, because I was so ashamed and horrified. It happened when I was 11. Could you even develop a dissociative disorder at age 11? And how would I remember ish and acknowledge that trauma without even KNOWING about others??? And that’s not considering the idea that I might not be traumagenic, which somehow is scarier?? It makes me mad at the world, cause I feel like I’d be even MORE hated and called fake and believe it myself. And also, that there wasn’t a reason. That I’d be going through this pain for no reason other than brain go brr, not brain go cope. Am I making sense?? I’m sorry if not, and I’m sorry if I have said/will say something offensive. I don’t wanna downplay their experiences, but also I don’t know a lot and I just. Aghh, yknow? I haven’t done too much research, cause I’m lazy and I’m scared akdhsjhfj, and most of the time I just ignore this. Until it just hits me for a couple weeks or days that this isnt normal, is it? I don’t think I really hear voices, my body is never out of my control. I always want whatever it’s doing. If I hear anything, its just in my head, and in MY voice, and it could be just like,,,, not alters yknow? Just me thoughts. I’m genderfluid, of that I am certain, I was only ever a solid gender when I didn’t feel like me. Even if there’s other people in here with me, I’m genderfluid, and none of them have ever shown interest in anyone in a romo/smexy way, just as I have. So idk what’s that about??? Different genders but same orientation? Idk. Phibi isn’t a human, and it doesn’t like calling itself by human terms, so though it too doesn’t feel attraction, technically it isn’t aroace like the rest of us. Or me. Idk man I’m confused. I have such terrible memory. That’s the worst part. One time I forgot how old I was lmao. Everything is a blur, but none of it is completely a blackout. If it ever feels empty, all I have to do is try real hard to get SOMETHING, and eventually I will, so. Eh. But it’s all so, so blurry. I can recall things I did, but it isn’t like… attached? It’s strange. It takes me a moment, like getting a file in a computer and it lagging, and it just seems so distant. Sometimes tho, it isn’t, and sometimes it is. It’s all inconsistent. That’s what really gets to me, I think. It’s hard to make out, and I suck at handling things that are hard to make out. Usually I thought I either repressed things or got over them quickly or something when I get triggered (I have PTSD oof) but today with the whole who-are-i thing when I got triggered, I was very panicky at first as usual. I was not having a good time akdjdjj, as per usual. Then I kinda became numb, dissociated, and then came to… feeling surprisingly ok? I didn’t feel like Me, of course. This is confusing. I felt like someone else. I STILL do! I feel like that person! I feel like the one that panicked is another, it’s weird to refer to us like this, I’m sorry. It’s so confusing. So that doesn’t bode well for my “oh I’m perfectly fine and a singlet” case. I still feel the closest to them, though. Everyone else is more separate. This doesn’t make sense ahdhskfj. I feel like I’m faking it. I feel like I can’t possibly be plural. (1/2)

I remember as a child feeling so sad and helpless, that I would relish in my own mind, if that makes sense. I liked the fact it was Mine, and no one could take that from me. No one could know what was inside it, not really, not unless they were a mind reader, which I chose to believe for my sanity didn’t exist akdjsj. I had full control over it. If I wanted there to be a palace with me as the sole ruling prince with a pink gown and infinite cake and toys in there, I could. If I wanted to go “home”, even when physically and logically I was there, I could. Im scared that being plural will take that from me. On one hand, it’s kinda nice. I remember Phibi once took themselves to school for me, planned to go through the whole day if a switch hadn’t happened, if I’m allowed to even use those words akfjakd. I was relieved at not having to go to school. But also. This is scary, this is strange, this is invasive, and it’s giving me far too much of an identity crisis. I just. Uh help?? Somehow?? In any way?? That would be nice tho obvs you don’t haVe to akdjskjd (2/2)

You're definitely not alone, anon, and it certainly sounds like you're a system. It is hard, to adjust, but you'll get there in time.

May I recommend having things that are exclusively yours? A blog, a spot in your innerworld if you have one, a playlist, etc. Something that is just yours.

[tenmyoujump]

Hands you five dollars does this establishment happen to have any... Trans Bandori headcanons... Headcanons about transition goals, what their journey was like, their experiences with dysphoria, as well as labels...

roselia is all trans <3 yukina is no gender body empty, ako’s gender is gamer (nonbinary) and everyone else is trans woman (though for kinnie purposes i Occasionally say “sayo nonbinary!!”). i also like nonbinary!kaoru but i totally get people who don’t — i just think kaoru is very gender? nonbinary hina and moca are good too.

i think lisa would’ve figured it out pretty young, and being very trusting of yukina she tells her pretty quickly after finding out. yukina’s like “oh okay!” and adjusts quickly. she’s never really Thought about gender much before and actually she still doesn’t — not till several years later when everyone Else in her band turns out to be trans and she’s like “oh. is gender supposed to be a thing people care about”

similarly ako probably asks her sister for advice once she’s starting to feel maybe-sort of-but-not-really-girl, maybe thinks this is a normal thing? tomoe is a bit confused but loves her little sibling so much and does her best to help her feel safe and figure herself out

i’ve seen a few fics about trans!sayo + nonbinary!hina — both of these headcanons just make So much sense they feel canon but not? sayo comparing herself to hina — who may or may not have figured herself out yet — would’ve been even worse... i think hina would offer to help though? i can honestly see it going either way with sayo only refusing hina’s help further or them being a bit closer than in canon due to this, but i think im a bit more inclined to the latter. anyways the point is sayo starts

i think kaoru’s technically fine with being perceived but Her gender is very dramatic and cool, i think i could see her as like maverique? i definitely know that not every gnc person ever is trans/n-b but when i was a young nyb of 13, kaoru stuck out to me as so. so gender. she was literally exactly what i wanted to look like so.

i think i saw genderfluid hina once and i think that’s so sexy.... it’s a very good headcanon i like it a lot!

....somehow i forgot about pareo which like. wow holy Shit. but come On she’s got trans hair and the backstory she’s gotta be trans

i think trans/nonbinary kokoro would be cool too. she gets to transition pretty early on because she’s rich n after harohapi is pretty solidly established she like. comes out and starts offering help for trans people so people do come to her for if they need money or for other resources. i think her bandmates would help out too

[creepypocky]

Hi can I request a matchup please! Thank you if you do.

I want both if that's okay!

My pronouns are they/them but they change bc im genderfluid

My sexuality is bi

My style is vampire goth I wear rings, fishnets, black and red dresses! But sometimes I like to mixed my style up. Im usually grunge, goth, or sometimes scene it depends on the day and mood!

My hobbies are playing video games, watching movies, hanging out with friends, and going out to do fun things!

My goal is to be a more out going person!

My ideals with my s/o are going out to eat, looking at the night sky, going to the beach and going to arcades!!

My favorite kind of person is a person that would be loyal to a fault (like I am), have a strong but kind personality! They work towards they're goals but also have fun along the way <3

The kind of person I hate is stuck-up, selfish, jealous,snobby, nosey, and just plain rude to others or their own friends/family kind of like a basic stereotypical white girl in movies that does eye rolls lmaoooo

I like exploring nature and new places thats what I like. What I dislike is going somewhere new and getting lost. Or being stuck too.

My zodiac sign is pisces, my moon is in Sagittarius and my rising sign is virgo if that helps any!

Im mostly an introvert but I try my best to socialize with new people!

For NSFW: I dont have any kinks but what turns me on is neck kissing, biting, touching my legs or thighs tbh aftercare is the best to me

For a bonus: winter and autumn give me so much comfort, Halloween is my most loved holiday and Christmas is too <33 I love it when its chilly in autumn and when its snowing in winter it calms me so much even though I get cold way too easy lmaoooo

I hope your day/night is good!

Hii <3

You can most definitely get a matchup :)

I match you with: Ticci Toby!

First off, he thinks your style is really cool and sometimes when he's out on missions he will randomly buy clothes or small things for you and when he comes back he'll be really excited to just smother you in gifts and see the smile that comes up on your face because of him. Sometimes he'll even match styles with you just to show off to other people or just for the sake of it.

Toby is really interested in having fun and stuff despite the kind of person he is because he rarely gets to have fun because of Slender, but once you two start hanging out he always has these crazy ideas for the both of you to try out that he's never been able to do with people other than just doing stuff with himself.

When he's free, he likes to take you to arcades and skating rings to get you away from the other pastas because he knows they can be pretty rude or weird but also because he likes playing the games with you (especially the racing ones because they let him get his pent up emotions out by raging since he doesn't want to accidentally let it out on you) and he also loves the look of determination or amusement that you have when playing them.

He doesn't have as many games as Ben does back where he lives, but if you take interest in a game or mention one to him he always takes note of it and gets the game for you whenever he's able to without you knowing. He's really keen on spoiling you all the time and it's super cute when he goes out of his way to get you stuff even though he doesn't have to.

When it's a quiet night and he doesn't have to go out to do his job, he likes to cuddle up to you in bed and watch movies with you on his laptop. He mostly enjoys watching really bad horror movies just because it's fun to make fun of them, but if you're in a more serious mood he doesn't mind at all putting on whatever you want and just enjoying the moment with you.

He loves that you strive to have more friends and to be more outgoing even though you're mostly introverted because he knows most really introverted people wouldn't really bother with trying that, so he respects you a lot and admires your determination.

He can be pretty immature at times especially around the other pastas and his emotions can be confusing to even him, but despite everything he is still fairly loyal, especially to you. He can definitely be big on pranks but he always makes sure not to hurt you too bad or ever take interest in another person more than you because you're the main person who makes him feel human and/or normal, so he wants to show that same kind of contribution towards you.

Since he's bipolar and has to deal with depression due to his past and current job, he's pretty strong for going through it for so long and being with you only makes him stronger and reminds him of how lucky he is to still be breathing even though Slender could easily get rid of him if he wanted to, it gives Toby adrenaline and determination to keep on going and keep living with you whilst knowing the risk of it all.

He understands hating people who are really stuck up and selfish because before he became a proxy he would constantly get bullied by people like that and seeing others act the same way only reminds him of those bullies, so if you two ever encounter people like that he's always quick to take your side on it and get you away from them. He even hates some of the pastas because they can be like that too and it bothers him a lot because their actions are really unnecessary.

If you ever ended up getting lost somewhere new he would focus all of his time on finding you or getting you to someplace familiar because he hates seeing you upset and also doesn't want you to be in danger. He wants you to feel reassured that he'd have your back.

He also goes out into the woods often so if you ever feel like it he'll bring you and let you look around while he does what Slender tells him, and if it gets dark and you two are still out he'll look at the stars with you with his arm around your back.

Toby really loves winter too, if it ever snows he loves to just randomly pull you outside and mess with you with the snow, but if you're having a more calm and settled day he'll probably make hot chocolate for you or bake something with you (even though he's not the best at cooking or baking so it'll most likely be chaos lmao) and then just look at the snow outside while drinking or eating with you.

NSFW:

I canon Toby as mostly vanilla too but he's fairly passionate during sex and will mostly definitely pamper your neck, leaving sloppy kisses and hickeys as he holds you in his arms and massages around your body and legs.

No matter who is topping or subbing he always has a thing for squeezing your thighs or your hips while holding your hand and its the sweetest thing especially when he groans in your ear and tries to pull you even closer to him.

He loves loves loves body worship so if you're ever having a hard day he loves to just lay you down and kiss all over your body to show his appreciation for you and you should probably just expect a bunch of bite marks on your body in the morning.

When the deed is done he loves to just hold you close against him and talk about random things with you if hes not too tired, will most definitely give you so many face kisses especially on the forehead and nose. He's just so happy he gets to have these kinds of experiences with you and is able to show you how much he appreciates you for being with him despite the shit he does.

There you go!! :) I hope you liked this matchup, and tysm I am having a good day despite feeling a bit sick but it's tolerable. I hope you're also having a great day and taking care of yourself. I enjoyed writing this a lot and learning about you, even if you think some of the parts in this matchup may be inaccurate.

<3