#I love writing hard magic systems so I get the pain and suffering

[littlemissmitsukihorenake]

Star Wars has gotten soft.

Well, it started off hard and then got soft. And that's why people keep complaining about little details and lightsabers changing colors.

I think a lot of people have heard something about a magic system when it comes to fiction. Namely, the difference between a hard magic system and a soft magic system. A "hard" system tends to focus on the details of the world the fiction takes place. Think of it like the science of the world. Avatar the Last Airbender would be a hard system, with rules and systems in place about as many aspects of bending as possible. A "soft" system tends to leave the details at the door, aiming toward a more ambiguous just-go-with-the-flow kind of powerset. The Lord of the Rings is a soft system series, where all the magical abilities in the series can be boiled down to "whatever makes the plot work".

Usually, a fictional world gives the viewer a general idea of what kind of system that they're going to be running on. Likewise, the viewer knows how to temper their expectations in terms of all the powers that can be used. That tends to boil down to "don't ask hard system questions in a soft system fiction" and vice versa. For example, were you ever wondering why the eagles in LotR didn't just come in and fly Frodo to the mountain and save everyone the trouble? That is a hard system question for a soft system fiction. Likewise, a soft system question for a hard system is essentially asking for a scientific answer in a fictional world. For example, "can nonbenders learn how to bend?" The answer for that ends up being an entire plot point of the Legend of Korra, with a bunch of details explaining how in the world nonbenders suddenly learned how to bend and all the life changes that come as a result of that.

Now, with that out of the way, let's take a look at Star Wars. Star Wars had started as a hard system, leaning into the "science" aspect of science fiction. There's an entire timeline of the universe before the movies ever started. Each part of a lightsaber has been broken down and named, even going so far as to explain where you'd get those parts if you wanted to build your own. Remember midi-chlorians? That was straight up a "rule" in the hard magic system, specifically to explain how people found Force users to be trained at their academy. The original expanded universe only built up on these hard details, which honestly are too numerous to explain here. The fact that all of that got retconned is a moot point. The thing is that the original fans of Star Wars were raised to believe that Star Wars runs on a hard magic system, with laid out rules and hard coded scientific facts that can be replicated, studied, and mimicked.

So what happens when Disney bought Star Wars from Lucasfilms? Well, they immediately turned it into a soft magic system. Things will just happen for the sake of the story and the plot. Holdo can now ram through a whole starfleet because damn that CGI is nice. A lightsaber can now be corrupted and turn red because damn isn't that a nice visual. The Force can now be used to heal wounds because I guess we wanted this Reylo ship to happen for a few minutes. Why couldn't the First Order have found a way to weaponize ramming starfleets and take over the galaxy? Eh, don't worry about it, it's rare so it's not worth looking into. Why didn't Anakin's lightsaber turn red when he slaughtered all those children at the academy? Well, fuck them kids, that's why. Why didn't Luke heal his father when he was fatally wounded all those years ago? Eh, he's a robot, probably wouldn't have worked.

For the people who probably weren't all that deep into Star Wars prior to this? They walked into this franchise thinking it was a soft magic system, or even more cynically, happy that this nerd thing has essentially softened the tracks so that they could get on and enjoy the ride. But for the hardcore fans that have been here since the beginning? Reading all their extended universe and played all the games and got immersed in the lore and science and mechanics of a galaxy far far away? I have to believe that they feel massively ignored, or even thrown to the side. The new people at the reigns don't care to keep this hard system going, and are essentially throwing it all away and catering to the new fans that are coming in. The first sequel movie came out in 2015. If you were a teenager when this came out, that means that your entire Star Wars history would involve seeing Star Wars as a soft magic system franchise. You probably don't really care that "the lore was wrong", because you were never taught to care about that in the first place. Disney sure as hell didn't want you to. That way, they can make up whatever they want with the Force and have it sell.

If you don't really get the annoyance of it, consider this one example. Imagine if, during one episode, Mako suddenly started earthbending during a fight. The only explanation you end up getting is "eh, he has earth bending blood from his dad, he got it there". Given how hard coded the rules of bending is for the Avatar series, this is a HUGE violation of what the franchise has built up and established. And yet, you could get away with it by, well, softening the system up. It would be a hell of a nice visual of a dude duel bending, wouldn't it? Yeah, by defying all known laws of bending science. But anything for that rule of cool, I guess.

[ilyareads]

short books recs (under 200 pages)

1. Sweet Bean Paste by Durian Sukegawa

This book follows Sentaro, who runs a dorayaki stall, and his friendship with Tokue, who makes killer sweet bean paste. It is a heart-warming and endearing story that brings you comfort. I love the friendship between Sentaro and Tokue, especially seeing how it develops. The ending feels a little rushed. I kind of wished it was longer. Kind of sad. I cried. 10/10 would read again.

2. Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi

The Funiculi Funicula cafe provides a time-traveling service, and the book, divided into four parts, retells different characters' experiences traveling in time. I always associate time-traveling with angst and regret, and this book has just that. I love how each part explores different relationship dynamics, so the time-traveling experience varies for each character. Very heart-warming, but very emotional as well. Cried a lot. It's a series but you don't have to read other books. But if you want more info on the cafe and the characters' backstory, then I highly recommend reading the other books.

3. Heaven by Mieko Kawakami

This book revolves around two students, who are victims of bullying. Due to their shared struggle, a friendship blossoms between them. The depiction of bullying and its impacts is raw and authentic, the story providing the perspectives of both the victims and the perpetrators. It was a rage-inducing but thought-provoking read.

4. The Travelling Cat Chronicles by Hiro Arikawa

This book follows Nana the cat as he embarks on a road-trip with his owner, Satoru. Now, cats are my absolute weakness. I love cats. I WOULD DIE FOR THEM. Which is why reading this book was hard and painful. The writing is witty, since it is written from the perspective of a cat. The plot itself is kind of predictable, but it doesn't make it any less painful. Tldr; Shredded my heart into pieces. Cried so hard, I couldn't breathe.

5. Almond by Won-Pyung Sohn

The story follows the main character, Yunjae, who suffers from a rare condition called Alexithymia that essentially makes him unable to feel emotions. Due to that, he couldn't understand social cues so people shun him. The development of the story centers on the people Yunjae are going to meet, and how his relationship with these people develops. The ending felt a little anticlimactic, but I loved it nonetheless.

6. Eartheater by Dolores Reyes

The unnamed protagonist can locate missing people and find out their fate by eating dirt, so people seek her to know the fate of their missing loved ones. It was definitely an interesting read, with elements of magical realism in relation to the protagonist's ability. It is also an intriguing depiction of femicide, a reflection of a system that continuously fails women. I felt rage for the women failed by the system and the sufferings they had to endure at the hands of hateful men.

7. A House is a Body by Shruti Swamy

This book is a collection of short stories, which is a raw and authentic depiction of what it is like being human. I enjoyed certain stories, while some left me utterly confused. The narratives are enticing and poetic, so despite some stories not hitting that hard, I enjoyed the writing.

8. The Vegetarian by Han Kang

After having a bizarre dream, Yeong-Hye declares that she is turning vegetarian, and this sudden change concerned her family. I made the mistake of thinking that this book is merely a depiction of what it's like to be a vegetarian. HELL NO. It utterly deviates from my expectation. I could only describe the book as bizarre and spooky, in an unconventional way. It depicts the complexity of the human mind when the contraint of societal expectations is disregarded.

[fantasma-de-la-cueva]

Guys, I know I had been posting a lot of IE stuff (bc I’m out of noragami stuff and I’m obsesed with magic soccer), but you know what? I’m still going to say this headcanon bc I started to write a fic:

I love to compare Gouenji (specially the Fifth Sector fase) with snakes. Why? Here are some reasons:

1) When he wants to be sneaky and hide or dissapear he just does and is hard to see him unless he wants to be seen (or caught off guard at certain points).

2) Despite what honosuto introducted (no hate, I will always love honosuto fiery boi) he is calm and collected, making me remind that in the chinese zodiac snakes are associated with calm, cold and calculating people. Also, snakes tend to be associated with cunning personalities and Gouenji, specially during the Go 1, had showed this with his hole plan of destroying Fifth from the inside (not only by starting the revolution, but with the ways he used to fuel it more and more, aka: investigating everything he could in the front row while keeping Daigo away from controlling soccer, confirming that Endo was, “indeed”, the person sent by Fifth to be Raimon’s coach, letting Tsurugi to play free soccer after sending him knowing that he would turn at some point, funding educational programs and managing to move a massive amount money behind Daigo’s back, offering stealthy mentorship to Raimon by allowing them to get stronger, putting the team against Teikoku to allow Endo and Kidou reunite and clean Teikoku from Fifth’s influence, therefore allowing the Revolution to have a safe space and all the mental gymnastics, lies, speeches and deceptions he was pulling over everyone inside the organization and Daigo himself to prevent them from investigating what was really happening).

3) Snakes are often represented as malicious in some cultures and stories, in others they are wise creatures that can act as mentors or helpers. Gouenji enters in the “helper” snake category. As a kid he helped the other players to resolve their problems; as adult he pressed on Raimon to make them stronger and resilent, taught Tsurugi the fire tornado and in anime taught Kurosaki the fire storm, raised multiple programs to teach kids to play soccer and prevent the collapse of Japan’s educational system, assisted Raimon during CS and thanks to him Earth could participate in the Grand Celesta Galaxy tournament.

4) Is said that snakes hold the poison and its antidote, that’s why they are related to medicine. Gouenji, during Fifth’s arc hold the poison that was corrupted soccer and had the antidote that was starting the revolution and prevent the collapse of educational system.

5) Snakes are often depicted as symbols of protection, we know how fierce protective Gouenji is, specially when is about people suffering in front of him, the people that matters to him the most and the sport he deeply loves.

6) Snakes are hated by a lot of people and tend to be reducted as nothing but a “dangerous” creatures and sometimes are seen as “evil” in a lot of stories and tales. During Go 1 Gouenji/Ishido is depicted as an intimidating, cruel man that feels pleasure in inflicting pain and terror on everyone and enjoys playing with the victims of his schemes, but the truth is that he is pretty tame compared to his coworkers, subordinates and boss (but we don’t forget how awful it was Tsurugi arrival to Raimon or ordering getting Tenma injuried). He uses the cold and ruthless mask because he has to in order to survive and make his plans work (and is shown that is painful for him to do so), but overall he isn’t as cruel as other characters tend to see him as he doesn’t want to destroy schools that dare to stand against Fifth Sector, he doesn’t like when people gets hurt because of soccer, he doesn’t show any resentment towards the idea of getting dethrowned, he enjoys to watch Raimon struggling in matches because he knows that those moments are what make the team stronge and he made his best to allow his team enjoy real soccer. The thing that makes him look “evil” is that due to his seriousness and determination to save soccer and keep control over Fifth he had resigned to play the bad guy and allowed the organization and its members to commit any crime they could. We know as viewers that is painful for him to be in that position and the characters close to him had shown concern and worriness about his well being because they know and understand his reasons to be like that, but the characters that don’t know are the ones that often trash-talk about how he is evil and doing everything he does for the sake of ambition and talk so much about how they want to make him pay, with very valid reasons. But while for the kids is normal and resonable that they wouldn’t question the adult characters didn’t cared to question or go deeper, thinking that he truly went evil until Endo appeared and investigated why his friend had, aparently, went nuts.

7) Discretion and the way snakes slither to move are often relationated concepts, so, why not?

[ospreyeamon]

So, at the risk of sounding incredibly heretical to Stars Wars as a whole, I’d like to ask this. What’s your opinion on the various force traditions, their beliefs, and the aspects of the force that draw upon? Are they all valid ways for a force adept to live by within reason or is one way or the other? Personally I tend to say that they are, it just ultimately down to the individual who decides what they use their gifts for.

Star Wars as a whole has soft worldbuilding and the Force is very much a soft magic system. For a soft magic system, it generally pays not to give a lot of hard answers about what it is and how it works. They tend to depend strongly on things like emotion and intent which are difficult to pin down. I think that's why the Force is considered so resistant to scientific study; it's like if you set out to study physics and immediately encountered Wave-Partial Duality. This force changes its behaviour depending on where you are, what you want, and what mood you're in? What a pain to analyse. So, I don't think any Force-tradition or philosophy should be set up as definitely correct because a soft magic system presents best with a certain level of mystery or ambiguity left about its workings.

The way I think of it, the different traditions are different cultural lenses through which the Force is viewed. They are all observing the Force, interacting with the Force, thinking about the Force. But the Force is vast and complex and contradictory; it's not at all something that can be neatly narrowed down into something easily digestible. All the traditions are based upon the reality of the Force but are incapable of capturing that reality in its totality. True understanding is striven for, but never reached.

The Jedi and Sith both model the Force as having two aspects, but the Voss don't. Are the Light-side and Dark-side of the Force things that objectively exist, or is that just a useful short-hand to communicate that the Force exhibits differing behaviour in the presence of differing levels of emotion? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And that's not even bringing ethics and morality – source of ten-thousand flame-wars – into it. If there's one thing I am sure about when it comes to the Force, it is that the Light-side and Dark-side aren't the Good and Evil aspects of it. Good and Evil are just useful short-hands to bundle concepts for discussions of ethics, morality, and right-behaviour (which is why getting everyone to agree about how to define them is a futile cause). We invented them like we invented honour and justice.

The Dark-side is the aspect of rage, but rage may come in response to an unjustified killing. Rage recognises injury and unfairness, real as well as perceived. The Dark-side is the aspect of fear, but fear may come in response to the risk that other people could suffer. Fear warns against danger. I think there is a reasonable argument to be made that the Dark-side of the Force is more dangerous – but even if it were desirable to live a life free of risk, it isn't possible.

When you ask if they are all potentially valid frameworks for a Force-adept to live within, by whose definition of "valid" do we judge? Yours? Mine? Their own cultural tradition's, when all of the traditions have produced more than one? The people who actually have to put up with their behaviour, assuming those people could reach a consensus on the matter?

To give a straight answer, yes, I do agree with what it is I think you're saying.

What I really would like to see from the depictions of the traditions is more nuance and internal diversity. Let the embrace-love vs eschew-attachment (includes bonus arguments about what is love) be ancient conflicting branches of Jedi philosophy, rather than the writer’s preferred interpretation for that particular spin-off. Let the better-to-be-lawful Jedi and better-to-be-good Jedi tussle. Let Sith write off the whole "expunge all vulnerability, only power matters" thing because it obviously conflicts with the "pursue your own goals, screw other's opinions" thing. Let branches of Sith naturally-select away from backstabbing LOL because the known cheaters are outcompeted by cooperative groups over the long-term. Even better, let the Jedi and Sith's societies struggle about how to deal with the fact that they can mind-trick people.

[roguepen]

1) I've long thought the main themes of One for Sorrow, if there are any, are Leaving Home, Forgiveness and Familial Love. These themes an ideas were very organic to the story from the time of conception.

2) When doing the worldbuilding for Magical America, I took a lot of inspiration from recent and historical political events. This is a part of the world that is still dealing with the repealing of Rappaport's Law, associating with the nonmagical will no longer get you jailed, but there is still a major social stigma.

America also has a lot of land in the National Park system, I decided that is where the werewolves live and have decided to create their own societies, forming a Pack Council to begin political clout for the community to gain health insurance, among other rights, so they can get Wolfsbane Potion, as insurance is still tied into ones job and werewolves cannot hold one for many reasons.

The Forest Service is also where many Parselmouths of America have generally congregated as MACUSA Employees for monitoring of the area and handling the local magical wildlife. It's a chance for them to associate with one another and practice an intuitive craft. While Parselmouths are accepted to some extent, there is a heavy historical prejudice against those who can speak with snakes and discussion of a registry at various points in American history depending on what dark forces are at work at that time.

Jack Graves is essentially a combination of Bill Clinton (charisma), George H.W. Bush (Cold War management), Senator John McCain (a political 'Maverick' who would break ranks with the Republican party on LGBT issues). He's never been an incompetent politician.

3) A quest to find one's estranged brother means that I, as a writer, get to explore complex family dynamic, their effect on the MC and other people in her life. I believe that personal pain in life can affect how we interact with other people,

4) This author hopes the number 90 remains an accurate estimation, but it won't. One for Sorrow could have 100 chapters and a separate epilogue / short story sequels - these are planned and somewhat drafted.

5) Fanfiction. I find this period of time in the Harry Potter books to be politically interesting and a super fucked up mess in so many ways.

6) I wanted to tell stories from the time I was about... four. Mom wrote my diction, I drew the pictures. She still has it. I was pretty chronically making up stories in my head, reading a lot and found fanfiction and roleplaying on the Neopets forums as an outlet when I was around 10-12. I started writing more seriously when I was about 15 and began posting on Fanfiction.net, writing the first version of A Friend to Government Pigs, which was reposted and edited to Ao3 during the pandemic and began really writing/ doing major drafting on One for Sorrow by 2021 after it knocked around my head for about two years.

7) Writing is very hard, but it is also a source a real joy and contentment. There is joy in your suffering.

Writers of Tumblr, I have an ask game for you all!

Please reblog and answer these questions, maybe tag others too! My asks are also open for them.

What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

How many chapters is your story going to have?

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

When and why did you start writing?

Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

[janecrockeyre]

scum villain is a greek tragedy disguised as a regular tragedy disguised as a comedy disguised as a danmei

this is going to be long, and this is only PART ONE.

a.k.a, Analysing the plot of Scum Villain’s Self Saving System through Aristotle’s Poetics, because I Have Mental Issues

Part One: Introduction and the Tragic Hero

Scum Villain’s Self Saving System is a tragedy disguised as a comedy, unless you’re Shen Yuan, in which case it’s a mixture of a romance and a survival horror. It's a fever dream. It's a horrible, terrible book that made me feel new undiscovered emotions when I finished reading it. 

The thing is... SVSSS shares characteristics with some of the most famous tragedies in the West, such as Oedipus Rex, Medea, Antigone, the Oresteia... if you haven’t read these, I’ll explain everything. But the gist of my argument is this: SVSSS is the perfect tragedy. In triplicate. 

Tragedy as a genre is old as balls and so it has meant slightly different things to different people over the last few thousand years. I'll be focusing on ancient Greek tragedy, which was performed at the yearly Festival of Dionysus in Athens during the 500-350s BC (give or take a hundred years). Aristotle, when writing about this very specific subset of tragedy, had no idea that one day Scum Villain would be written, and then that I would be using his work as a way to look at Shen Qingqiu’s Funky Transmigration Mistake. Anyway!

Greek tragedy greatly influenced European dramatic tradition. I have a lot of opinions about white academics idolising and upholding the classics as the "paragon of culture" but I'll withhold them for now. I have no idea if MXTX has read Greek tragedy or not, so don't take this as me saying they are writing it. 

In my opinion, tragedy is a universal human constant. We are surrounded by pain and hurt and none of it makes any sense, so we seek to process that pain through drama, art, literature, etc. We want to understand why pain happens, and how it happens, and try to make sense of the senseless. The universe is cold and cruel and random. Tragedy eases some of that pain. 

On that note: Just because I am analysing Scum Villain through a Greek lens doesn't mean that it was written that way. I'm pasting an interpretation onto the book when there's probably a very rich and deep history of Chinese tragedy that I just don't know about. If you ever want to talk about that, please, god, hit me up, I would love to learn about it!! 

Anyway, tragedy. MXTX is excellent at it! Mo Dao Zu Shi? Painful dynastic family tragedy. Heaven Official's Blessing? Mostly romance, but she managed to get that pure pain in there, huh? 

But in my opinion, Scum Villain holds the crown for the most tragic of her stories. MDZS was more of a mystery. TGCF was more of a romance. Neither of them shy away from their tragic elements. 

Scum Villain would fit right in between the work of Sophocles, Euripides and Aeschylus. How? Let me show you. Join me on my mystery tour into the world of "Aristotle Analyses Danmei..."

Part One: The Tragic Hero

What is a tragic hero? Generally, Greek tragic heroes are united by the same key characteristics. He must be imperfect, having a "fatal flaw" of some kind. He must have something to lose. And he must go from fortune to misfortune thanks to that fatal flaw. 

There are two (technically three) tragic protagonists in SVSSS and all of them are tragic in different but formulaic ways. Each protagonist has their own version of “hamartia” or a “fatal flaw”. 

Actually, hamartia isn’t necessarily a flaw - rather, it is a thing which makes the audience pity and fear for them, a careful imperfection, a point of weakness in the character’s morality or reasoning that allows for bad things to happen to them. For example, in Oedipus Rex, the king Oedipus has a “fatal flaw” of always wanting to find the truth, but this isn’t exactly a flaw, right? Note: this flaw can be completely unwitting, as we see with Shen Yuan. It can also be something that the protagonist is born with, some kind of trait from birth or very young. 

Shen Yuan

Shen Yuan’s “hamartia” is his rigid adherence to fate and his inability to read a situation as anything but how he thinks it ought to be. He believes that Bingmei will grow into Bingge, and it takes several years, two deaths, and some truly traumatising sex to convince him otherwise. 

Shen Jiu

Shen Jiu’s fatal flaw is his cruelty. It is his own sadistic treatment and abuse of Binghe which directly leads to his eventual dismemberment. This is kind of a no-brainer. Of course, it isn't all that simple, and as an audience we pity him for his cruelty as much as we fear it because we know it comes from his own abuse as a child. This just makes him even more tragic. Delicious. 

Luo Binghe

Luo Binghe’s fatal flaw is a complicated mix of things. It is his position as the “protagonist” which compels him to act in certain ways and be forced to suffer. It is his half-demonic heritage, something entirely out of his control, which sets in motion his tragic reversal of fortune when he gets yeeted into the Abyss. He also, much like Shen Yuan, has the propensity to jump to conclusions and somehow make 2 + 2 = 5. 

As well as having their respective “flaws”, all three protagonists match the rough outline of a good tragic hero in another way: they are in a position of great wealth and power. Even when you split the different characters into different “versions”, this still holds true. Yes, Luo Binghe is raised a commoner by a washerwoman foster mother, but his dad is an emperor and he also ends up becoming an emperor himself. 

Yes, Shen Jiu is an ex-slave and a victim of abuse himself, but Shen Qingqiu is a powerful peak lord with an entire mountain’s worth of resources at his back. 

Shen Yuan is a second generation new money rich kid. 

Bingge is a stereotypical protagonist with a golden finger. Bingmei is a treasured and loved disciple with a good reputation and a privileged seat by his shizun’s side. 

In a tragedy, having this kind of good fortune at the beginning of your story is dangerous. Chaucer says that tragedy is (badly translated into modern english) “a certain story / of him that stood in great prosperity / and falls out of high degree / into misery, and ends up wretchedly”. If we follow this line of thinking, a good tragedy is about someone who has a lot to lose, losing everything because of one fatal point of weakness that they fail to address or understand. 

If we look at Shakespeare, this is what makes King Lear such a fantastic tragic protagonist. He is a king in control of most of England, who from his own lack of wisdom and excess of pride, decides to split his kingdom apart to give to his daughters, favouring his murderous, double crossing progeny, and condemning his only actually filial daughter to death. He loses his kingdom, his mind, and his beloved daughter, all because of his own stupidity.

This brings us to:

Part Two: Peripeteia

This reversal of fortunes is called peripeteia. It is the moment where the entire plot shifts, and the hero’s fortunes go from good to bad. Think of it like one of those magic eye puzzles, where you stare at the image until a 3D shark appears, except you realise the shark was always there, you just couldn't ever see it, waiting for you, hungry, deadly, always lurking just behind that delightful pattern of random blue squiggles. 

Each tragic hero has their own moment of peripeteia in SVSSS, sometimes several:

Shen Qingqiu

In the original PIDW, SQQ’s peripeteia presumably occurs when he finds out that Bingge didn’t perish in the Abyss but has actually been training hard to come and pay him back. There’s really not much I’m interested in saying here - as a villain, OG!SQQ is cut and dry, and the audience doesn’t really feel any pity or fear for him. As Shen Yuan often mentions, what the audience feels when they see OG!SQQ is bloodlust and sick satisfaction. There is also the trial at Huan Hua Palace, which I will talk about in Shen Yuan’s section. 

Shen Yuan (SQQ 2.0)

One of SY’s most poggers moment of peripeteia is the glorious, terrifying section between hearing Binghe for the first time after the Abyss moment, and getting shoved into the Water Prison. 

“Behind him, a low and soft voice came: “Shizun?”

Shen Qingqiu’s neck felt stiff as he slowly turned his head. Luo Binghe’s face was the most frightening thing he had ever seen.

The scariest thing about it was that the expression on his face was not cold at all. His smile wasn’t sharp like a knife. Rather, it showed a kind of bone-deep gentleness and amiability.”

This is the moment of true horror for Shen Yuan, because he knows what happens next: the plot unfurls before him, inevitable and painful, and he knows that death awaits him at Luo Binghe's hands (lol). Compare it with the bone deep certainty with which he faces his own downfall during the sham of a trial later in the chapter (I’ve bolded the important part):

“In the original work, Qiu Haitang’s appearance signified only one thing: Shen Qingqiu’s complete fall from grace. [...] Shen Qingqiu’s heart streamed with tears. Great Master… I know you’re doing this for my own good, but I’ll actually suffer if she speaks her words clearly. This truly is the saying “not frightened of doing a shameful deed, just afraid the ghost (consequences) will come knocking”!”

After the peripeteia is usually the denouement where the plot wraps up and the threads are all tied together leaving no loose ends, but because this tragedy isn’t Shen Yuan’s but the former Shen Jiu’s, it’s impossible to finish. 

Shen Yuan cannot provide the meaningful answers that the narrative demands because 1) he doesn’t have any memory of doing anything, and 2) he wasn’t the person who did them. Narratively, he cannot follow the same path as the former SQQ because he lacks the same fatal flaw: cruelty. 

This is why Binghe doesn’t kill him - because he loves him, rather than despises him. And this is why Shen Yuan has to sacrifice himself and die for Luo Binghe in order to save him from Xin Mo: because the narrative demands that denouement follows peripeteia, and SQQ’s fate is in the hands of the narrative. 

(Side note: I believe that this literal death also represents the death of OG!SQQ's tragic arc. The body that committed all those crimes must die to satisfy the narrative. SQQ must die, like burning down a forest, so that new growth can sprout from the ashes. After this, Shen Yuan's story has more room to develop instead.)

It must happen to show Bingmei that SQQ loves him too. And this brings us to Bingmei.

Bingmei

Bingmei has two succinct moments of utter downfall. The first is a literal fall - his flaw, his demonic heritage, leads his beloved shizun to throw him down into the Abyss. From his point of view, SQQ is punishing him simply for the status of his birth. He rapidly goes from being loved and cherished unconditionally, to being the victim of an assassination attempt. 

He realises that he is totally unlovable: that for the crimes of his species that he never had a hand in, he must pay the price as well: that his shizun is so righteous that no matter what love there was between them, if SQQ sees a demon, he will kill it. Even if that demon is Bingmei. 

The second moment is when SQQ dies for him. Again, from his point of view, he was chasing after a man who was struggling to see him as a human being. Shen Qingqiu’s death makes Bingmei realise that he has been completely misunderstanding his shizun: that SQQ would literally die for him, the ultimate act of self sacrifice from love: that SQQ loved him despite his demon heritage. 

Much like King Lear holding the corpse of his daughter and wailing in sheer grief and pain because he did this, he caused this, Bingmei gets to hold his shizun's cold body and cry his eyes out and know that it was his fault. (Kind of.)

(Yes, I’m bringing Shakespeare into this, no I am not justifying myself)

Maybe I'm a bit sadistic, but that scene slaps. Let me show you a comparison of scenes so you get the picture. 

Re-enter KING LEAR, with CORDELIA dead in his arms; EDGAR, Captain, and others following

KING LEAR

Howl, howl, howl, howl! O, you are men of stones:

Had I your tongues and eyes, I'ld use them so

That heaven's vault should crack. She's gone for ever!

I know when one is dead, and when one lives;

She's dead as earth. Lend me a looking-glass;

If that her breath will mist or stain the stone,

Why, then she lives.

[...]

 KING LEAR

And my poor fool is hang'd! No, no, no life!

Why should a dog, a horse, a rat, have life,

And thou no breath at all? Thou'lt come no more,

Never, never, never, never, never!

Pray you, undo this button: thank you, sir.

Do you see this? Look on her, look, her lips,

Look there, look there!

Dies

Versus this scene in SVSSS: 

Luo Binghe turned a deaf ear to everything else, greatly agitated and at a loss of what to do. He was still holding Shen Qingqiu’s body, which was rapidly cooling down. It seemed like he wanted to call for him loudly and forcefully shake him awake, yet he didn’t dare to, as if he was afraid of being scolded. He said slowly, “Shizun?”

[...]

Luo Binghe involuntarily held Shen Qingqiu closer.

He said in a small voice, “I was wrong, Shizun, I really… know that I was wrong.

“I… I didn’t want to kill you…”

PAIN. SO MUCH BEAUTIFUL PAIN. Yes, I know Shakespeare isn’t Athenian, but he was inspired by the good old stuff and he also knew how to write a perfect tragedy on his own terms. Anyway. I’ll find more Greek examples later.

This post was a bit all over the place, but I hope it has been fun to read. Part Two will be coming At Some Point, Who Knows When. This is a bit messy and unedited, but hey, I’m not getting paid or graded, so you can eat any typos or errors. Unless you’re here to talk to me about Chinese tragedy, in which case, please pull up a seat, let me get you a drink, make yourself at home.

ps: if you want to retweet this, here is the promo tweet!

[ravennm84]

Marinette’s Family Court Circus

I got this idea from a post @unmaskedagain and decided to put my own little spin to it. It’s a bit sad and does have my usual Lila-Salt spin, but I really loved writing this. Warm-Fuzzies and please enjoy!!

The day of her greatest triumph was also her greatest tragedy. Hawkmoth had finally been defeated, the butterfly and peacock miraculous back in the miracle box where they belonged, and Paris was finally safe. 

However, when Gabriel Agreste was revealed to be the magical terrorist and his assistant, Nathalie, his accomplice, Adrien had been devastated. When the Paris police sought to find out the extent of Adrien's involvement, he had no choice but to reveal in a private interrogation room with only the mayor, Officer Roger, the chief of police, and Ladybug herself, his identity as Chat Noir. After which, Adrien said a tearful goodbye to Plagg and surrendered the ring of destruction to Ladybug. A press conference was held within an hour, absolving Adrien of any crimes in relation to his father, and his bodyguard would also be absolved four days later.

That night, after Ladybug had returned home and tearfully placed the ring, broch, and pin back in the miracle box; her parents and Grandma Gina had told her that they were going out to dinner to celebrate; Gina had even rented a car so they wouldn’t need to walk or take the subway. How Marinette wished that they had just gotten on the subway.

She woke up the following afternoon in the hospital. Apparently, her family weren’t the only people celebrating Hawkmoth’s defeat, and a car load of university students had celebrated too hard and T-boned their car while running a light. The doctors told her that her grandmother and father had died on impact and her mother passed away during surgery. Marinette had been extremely lucky to survive without any life threatening injuries; a broken leg, arm, collar bone, two cracked ribs, and a few lacerations across her body. 

She was hardly paying attention to what the doctors were saying. Too shocked by the whole situation. There was no Miraculous Cure that could fix this. In the span of a single day, she had defeated her enemy, saved Paris, lost her partner, lost her grandmother, and her parents. She was alone.

When her family’s lawyer, M. Contere came to talk about custody, it was revealed that her grandmother was supposed to take custody in the event of her parents' deaths. Her grandfather would have been the next logical choice, but he had recently suffered a stroke and had been placed in a nursing home. This left the lawyer scrambling to find someone to take the girl or risk having her surrendered to the city of Paris.

Going through the Dupain-Chengs’ contact list, M. Contere made phone calls to numbers listed as family friends or emergency contacts. There were three that particularly stood out to him, all listed under the title of ‘uncle’. 

The first was to an ‘Uncle J’; a woman answered the phone, introducing herself as Penny. When Contere told her it had to do with the Dupain-Chengs, the phone was handed to a man with a distinctly British accent. He sounded devastated to hear that Tom, Sabine, and Gina had all passed away before going into a panic and asking if Marinette was alright, showing absolute relief that she had survived the crash. When Contere mentioned the custody hearing, the man practically demanded to know the date, time, and place before promising that he would be there.

The second contact that stood out was labeled as ‘Uncle Tony’. That call was answered by an assistant named Jarvis before transferring the call to Tony. Again, Contere could hear the surprise and hurt at hearing that his friends had passed away before asking if Marinette had been in the car. When told that she had survived, there was relief and he mentioned that Peter would have probably cried for a week if he’d lost his childhood friend. Tony then offered to take custody of Marinette and Contere quickly told him the details.

Although M. Contere was relieved that at least two family friends/possible relatives seemed more than willing to take Marinette, he knew how fickle and difficult the courts could be and wanted as many options as possible for the girl, which led to the third contact labeled ‘Uncle Bruce’. 

The phone was answered by an older sounding gentleman named Alfred before transferring the call. Contere could hear multiple voices in the background, most sounding like young men, and when he told Bruce about the passing of Tom, Sabine, and Gina; it went very quiet for a moment before all the voices began speaking at once demanding to know what happened, who was responsible, and if Marinette was okay. M.Contere answered the questions that he could and told them that Marinette was in need of a legal guardian. Bruce said Gina had been a great friend and mentor to him when he was younger and that he would be honored to care for her granddaughter. So he told him the details of the court hearing with the promise that he would make sure that Marinette was taken care of until then.

After hanging up, M. Contere had a strange feeling that he couldn’t shake. A feeling that told him that those three ‘Uncles’ were either going to make his job of getting Marinette into a stable home a lot easier… or it would be a total nightmare.

~oOo~

The day of the hearing was a Monday and Marinette's case was the first on the docket, which was a relief. If things went smoothly, she could be placed with one of her respective uncles by the end of the week and be taken care of. When the two of them stepped into the room, with Marinette rolling beside him in her wheelchair, M. Contere was surprised to see multiple familiar faces in the courtroom that he had not expected. Jagged Stone, Bruce Wayne, and Tony Stark were glaring, arguing, and puffing out their chests at each other; ignoring everyone else in the room. He also noticed how each man seemed to have an entire team of lawyers backing them up.

The tension and glaring match only broke when the two women; Pepper Potts and Penny Rolling, and the four Wayne boys; Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damien, noticed Marinette’s arrival. 

“Marinette, sweetie, how are you feeling?” Penny asked as she walked away from Jagged to kneel beside Marinette’s wheelchair.

“Been better, but I’m glad to see some familiar faces,” she said with a weak smile.

Pepper leaned over a bit to give the girl a gentle hug while minding her injuries. “We’re here for you, Mari. No matter what.”

Then the four boys were almost surrounding her, offering to hunt down the people that took away their family and pile so many lawsuits on them that they’ll die of papercuts. This made her chuckle and grimace a bit from the pain, telling the boys that was sweet but unnecessary.

Jagged, Bruce, and Tony immediately put their argument on hold as they hurried over to check on the girl as well. Contere found it to be a good sign that Marinette seemed familiar with the three men, that they all asked how she was and if she wanted anything, as well as promising that they would take care of her. That last one, the three said at the same time and got them glaring at each other again. This caused Contere to sweat and Marinette to give her head a resigned shake.

What followed would probably go down as the most intense, well argued, and most headache-inducing case in the history of the Paris Family Court System with all three men vying for custody of the teenage girl. 

Being able to provide financial stability wasn’t a concern as Jagged Stone was currently the most successful rockstar in Europe, Asia, Australia, and the Americas; while Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne were two of the wealthiest businessmen in the entire world. All three even offered to completely cover Marinette’s tuition to any school she wanted, so long as she was accepted.

Her safety turned out to be a large factor with all three men, and they were willing to hire their own private security to make sure that she stayed safe at all times. However, the three men also argued how the others lived in unsafe environments. 

Jagged mostly lived in tour buses and out of hotels, which was a factor; but he was willing to call off his tours during the school year and only go on tour during school breaks so Marinette would never be without her guardian. Penny was also willing to help Jagged at every turn, stating that she loved Marinette like a niece and would make sure that she had a strong female role model in her life as well.

Tony’s reputation as a playboy and his identity as Iron Man brought up the possibility of attracting a dangerous element. He argued that his homes were equipped with the most advanced security systems on the planet. As well as being friends with an actual “God-Alien”, who had met Marinette and liked her a great deal. Tony was also willing to make Marinette her own personal Iron Suit that would be programmed to protect and fly her to a safe location at the first sign of danger. Pepper also offered to share custody as she already took care of Tony’s daily life as his assistant, taking care of Marinette would be easy and she was looking forward to having her around.

Bruce’s residence in Gotham, the most crime ridden city in North America, was a big factor. Bruce made a point that he already had experience as a guardian of his three adopted sons and his biological son, and they were kept safe. That he also had a top of the line security system at his home, which was located outside of city limits. Dick, Jason, and Tim also commented that they thought of Marinette like a little sister and that Wayne Enterprises had locations all over the world. If the judge decided that Gotham was too dangerous, one of them would gladly take up residency in a city that the judge approved and would stay there to watch over Marinette while still working and providing for her.

After two hours of listening to the back and forth of the three men and their lawyers, the judge decided that he’d heard enough for the day and set the next meeting for the following Thursday after lunch. He also recommended that the men bring proof that they have the mental capability of caring for a teenage girl, lists of schools near their homes to show that she will continue her education, and character witnesses, if available. 

The three men wanted to take Marinette out to get something to eat after the court was adjourned, but M. Contere was forced to tell them that it would not be appropriate during the legal proceedings. He also recommended that they follow the judge’s instructions and make sure that they had everything needed, otherwise they would likely not qualify. Hearing that got all three men, their assistants, family, and lawyers moving at top speeds to get everything they needed for court in a few days. 

Once they were out of sight, the lawyer couldn’t help but let out a stress induced sigh as he raised one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. This custody battle had the potential to turn into a total circus, and although it could do great things for his career in the long run, he was more worried about how this would affect Marinette. 

Speaking of, he was brought from his thoughts when he felt her small hand gently pat the hand that was holding his briefcase. When he looked down at her, she gave him a kind, though slightly amused smile. “You had no idea about the can of worms you were opening when you made those phone calls, did you?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle. “How was I supposed to know that Uncle J, Uncle Tony, and Uncle Bruce would turn out to be three of the most influential men in the world? How does your family even know all of them?”

“Uncle Bruce was raised by the family butler, Alfred Pennyworth, after his parents died. Grandma Gina and Alfred were best friends when they were younger. After the Waynes died, Gina would go check on them in Gotham, she liked to brag that she helped get Bruce back out of his shell. Uncle Tony knew my parents back in university, he was a lot younger and smarter than the other students and you can guess that didn’t go over well with some of them. My parents looked out for him and they became friends, and even after he got busy when he took over the company, he always made time to be there for the big moments in our lives; my parents’ wedding, their baby shower, and when I was born. I’ve actually spent a few summers in Gotham and New York visiting them.”

“And Jagged Stone?”

“He’s the most recent of my honorary uncles. I’m his personal designer, but he got unofficially adopted into my family after the tv show that took place in my parents’ bakery. Uncle Jagged made a bread guitar and sang rock songs with my dad. Once the show was over, Mom invited him and Penny to stay for dinner. During the course of the night, Dad claimed him as a new little brother. Jagged was so happy that he started calling my parents big brother and big sister, and started calling me his niece. Since then, he’s come over at least once a month to just relax and be a family with us.”

M. Contere couldn’t help but smile at that. From the sound of it and what he had seen, all three men truly cared about this girl and were willing to bend over backwards for her. That was a good thing, but he still worried that a custody battle between these three men could go for a long time and possibly cause mental distress for Marinette. Although the final decision was ultimately up to the judge, he was allowed to make recommendations if they were in the best interests of the child. 

With that in mind, he knelt down beside Marinette. “You know the three of them and what they’re living situations are like better than I do. And even though you’re not 15 years old yet, I could petition the judge to factor your opinion. Which of them would you like to have guardian status?”

When Marinette gave him a knowing smile, he just knew that things might get more complicated.

~oOo~

It got a lot more complicated.

The media had caught wind of the custody battle, causing a giant crowd of paparazzi to stake out the courthouse to catch a glimpse of the rockstar, billionaire, and the self proclaimed “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist” who was also a superhero. To their credit, the three only said that they were devastated by the loss of the Dupain-Chengs and wanted to do what was best for Marinette and left all the other questions at the door.

In the courtroom; all three men, as well as their assistants and Bruce’s boys, had done mental evaluations that their lawyers submitted to the judge. They also provided lists of different schools that Marinette was free to choose from; including public schools, private, and even schools that specialized in fashion. But the absolute kicker was the character witnesses.

Jagged Stone had brought other music stars, movie stars, and production mega stars that made Contere wonder for a moment if he’d accidentally walked into an award ceremony. Tony Stark had brought the Avengers, The Avengers, as his character witnesses. Contere wasn’t too proud to admit that he was a bit starstruck when Thor himself came over to great Marinette and complimented her on her ‘battle scars’, saying that they were a testament to her strength. If that wasn’t enough, Bruce brought multiple members of the Billionaire’s Club as character witnesses, many of whom had been suspected of being members of the Justice League. 

The judge looked just as surprised, though somewhat irritated, by the people crowding his courtroom. He quietly looked over the mental health evaluations that had been provided, as well as the lists of schools; finding that everything was in order and that any of them would have been wonderful guardians to the girl. He was tempted to call another recess and pick this back up the following week until Marinette’s lawyer raised his hand.

“If it would please the court,” the judge motioned for him to continue, “although Mlle. Dupain-Cheng is not yet of legal age to make a final decision on the matter of custody, I felt that she was old enough to state her opinion. We have discussed it over the past few days and I believe we came up with a proposal that will satisfy all parties involved while still being in the best interest of the child.” M. Contere presented the four copies of the proposal to the bailiff, who handed one to the judge, and the three lead lawyers.

The judge read the summary at the top before looking at the lawyer in surprise. “You’re proposing joint custody?”

“Yes, your honor. My client and I feel that due to the influence that these men hold, as you can see by the character witnesses that have come here to speak on their behalf, that this custody hearing could be drawn out for a long time, which could have mental repercussions on Marinette.” Contere didn’t miss the ‘you ain’t kidding’ roll of his eyes, or the looks of shame that the three men shared at the thought of hurting Marinette.

“Keeping that in mind, my client came up with an outline for a possible custody agreement. M. Stark would retain custody during school as he has listed one of the top fashion schools in America, which would further Marinette’s future career. The weekends would be spent with M. Wayne, as Wayne Enterprises has connections to the fashion industry and would be able to give her training to help her successfully run her own business. M. Stone would have custody during summer breaks, so Marinette may continue gaining experience as his personal designer, a position she has held for close to a year and has already earned her recognition in the industry.”

The judge grew quiet again as he contemplated the proposal and read over the details. He didn’t want to deal with these three powerful, and in a lot of ways eccentric, men for the next few months while attempting to figure out the best placement for the child. Nor did he want to deal with the media frenzy that this case had already brought on. If anything, this was likely the best option, if he could get the men to agree to the terms.

“Do you have any objections to this proposal?”

There was a moment of silence as the lawyers continued to look over the proposal and spoke to their clients. Jagged’s lawyer was the first to respond. “No, your honor. M. Stone believes that this would be best for Marinette, but we would like to add a clause that M. Stone be permitted to call and visit Mlle. Dupain-Cheng so long as it does not interfere with her school work.”

“My client would also like that clause added to the proposal, your honor,” said the Wayne lawyer. “As well as the clause that Messieurs Stone and Stark work together with M. Wayne in securing Mlle. Dupain-Cheng’s safety. As previously stated, all three men could be considered high-priority targets and normally require bodyguards. M. Wayne has proposed that any potential bodyguard be vetted and approved by all parties involved before being hired.”

The judge looked to Stark’s lawyer. “And do you have any stipulations you would want to see added to the proposal?”

“Only that there be an open line of communication between Messieurs Stone, Wayne, and Stark at all times in reference to Mlle. Dupain-Cheng’s well being and any possible travel. As all three men are known to travel the world for business; there will be occasions for the child to travel as well. When this occurs, the other guardians should receive notice of the country, city, and address that she resides; so, in case of an emergency, they will be able to be present to assist and protect her.”

“My client has no objections to these clauses,” said Jagged’s lawyer.

“And you, M. Wayne?”

The Wayne lawyer nodded. “The clauses are more than reasonable and are in the best interest of Mlle. Dupain-Cheng. Although I only speak for my client, I do not believe that I would be out of line to say that is the main focus of Messieurs Stone and Stark as well.”

The lawyers hid their relief when the judge nodded in agreement. “As the proposal was presented by the child and the three of you are in agreement, I’m scheduling a meeting in my chambers for next Tuesday to go over the finer details of the custodial agreement. I will allow your clients and one lawyer each to attend; this includes you and your client, M. Contere.”

“Yes, your honor.”

“And as for you, Mlle. Dupain-Cheng,” Marinette’s head snapped up to meet the judge’s gaze. “It seems that you have gained three extremely powerful, influential, and in many ways crazy guardians. I don’t know if I should congratulate you or give you my sympathies. What I will do is wish you the best of luck and hope that you are prepared for the future. Court is adjourned.”

There was a hum of surprise and joy that spread through the courtroom as Jagged, Bruce, and Tony stepped up to each other and shook hands before approaching Marinette and M. Contere. 

“Of course, my niece would come up with a way to keep everyone happy, she’s so rock n’ roll that way.” Jagged beamed with pride as Tony and Bruce nodded in agreement.

“Would it be alright if all of us went to dinner to celebrate,” Bruce asked Contere, indicating the ‘all’ to be himself and his boys, Jagged and Penny, and Tony and Pepper; along with Marinette and Contere.

“So long as there’s no discussion of custody and everyone stays civil, I don’t see any harm in it.”

Everyone smiled in agreement while Pepper mentioned that she’d just finished making reservations for all eleven of them at a nice restaurant that had the best view of the Eiffel Tower.

As the others began filing out of the courtroom, Marinette patted his hand and gave him a sympathetic look. “You just opened your second can.”

M. Contere wasn’t sure about what she’d meant until after the meal was over and the waitress brought the check, and then watched as the three billionaires fought over it. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he only hoped that this would all be over on Tuesday and he could go back to his normal, boring cases.

[flowerflamestars]

I'm in a very angry-with-the-IC-and-Rhys-in-particular mood, and since I'm just rereading Daylight I was wondering, what is going through Rhysand's mind throughout the events of Daylight? Because it's basically his entire life CRUMBLING around him and I'd love to see the mental gymnastics he does to fit it all into his "I'm the good guy, actually" narrative. Or just his general reaction.

this is a FABULOUS question, thank you!

Daylight! Rhys is, in my opinion, the closest to a canonical (pre-acosf) character representation that I go for. He's so SO fucked up, and sublimating and burying all that trauma has, of course, failed, and it's all manifesting, in all these different directions.

To understand the level on which Rhys is losing his shit, it's important to go back to the very beginning: Rhysand, to Rhysand, is always, always the hero of the story. The down on his luck knight with truth in his heart. The struggling, just man.

He CANNOT seeing beyond himself for even a second. He casts himself in the most important role, as the only person whose personal consequences exist.

His mother, at probable great risk, takes him to Illyria to be trained- the precious, first-born, godly son of Night. To learn to fight- to learn, presumably, her culture- to see what that culture is reduced to, a harshness he will on day have the power to change. Rhys had to be, at some point, a great hope for Not High Fae denizens of the Court.

What does Rhysie learn? Illyria is harsh. Illyria is bad. Backwards and cruel.

He hates his father for...presumably, the crime of being a pretty traditional High Lord? Rhys hates the cruelties! the Court of Nightmares! the broken system!

So what does Rhys do when he has power? he fires everyone. He doesn't like them, he doesn't like whatever they did under his father...so instead of hiring new people, he removes himself entirely from a potential role in changing/mitigating those policies. See also: the Court of Nightmares, cowed occasionally, but not in any way governed by Rhys.

But he's the hero! He's destroyed the oppression! His Court of Just his Bros is made of women and Illyrians!

(Rhys removed the terribleness from his direct experience...because only his experiences matter)

So, Rhys in his head: the struggle, the hero, the man just trying to do it right.

Which brings us to Daylight....and Feyre. I know we can attribute the way the characters stop even remotely being sympathetic between acomaf and...everything else...to poor writing, but I also think there's some (maybe accidental but PERFECT) character work there: in acomaf, pre-acknowledged bond, Feyre is an important possession/ally- she's on the same level as the other members of the Court of Dreams, if the jewel of the collection, a high point in the story Rhys tells himself: HE saved the HERO OF PRYTHIAN

(which...let's not even touch on the fact that the deal he makes in acotar is CREEPY and he can only justify it later. she wasn't someone he wanted to work with in acotar- she was a vulnerable, hot young woman he fully took advantage of)

And then they're mates.

And then, slowly but surely, Feyre's personhood disappears. For two reasons: 1) Feyre is on a pedestal so sky-high it blots out everything. Good, pure, true hero Feyre whose adoration Rhysand needs like air. the happy end of his story, the prize and the salvation, the one who sees him.

and 2) ultimately, to Rhys, Feyre is an extension of him. A symbol: his happiness, his peace, his endless power, what he fought to keep.

She's his whole anchor staying sane, which isn't great, considering...ya know, everything. But the Story is Over. They are Happy.

Except- except- nothing is over. Post fifty straight years of torture, a freefall into war and fuckery, teen marriage and literal death, the consequences for all those things AND THE SHIT RHYS WAS PULLING LONG BEFORE AMARANTHA TURNED HIM INTO A CHEW TOY, are still present.

But now, he has something to protect. His golden future. His puppy Mate.

Because Feyre's safety is the safety of his power and vice versa. Anything he does is justifiable because the loss of Feyre is Not an Option. She is Happy. They Are Happy.

It bleeds into everything- and then it intensifies, because this is the breaking point.

The Az/Lucien thing and Feyre incredibly hurtful blindness? No Rhys isn't going to interfere- Az is so private anyway- if Feyre believes its a romantic bond, Feyre is right, she knows her sister, not that it matters because Elain is totally out of her mind.

Sending Cassian to Illyria? Illyria is a backwards shithole right? They're fierce fighters and that's what Rhys values them for- as the hammer of his power- and nothing else? why would there be anything else? Look at them fighting and hurting each other.

Nesta runs and Cassian is left throwing himself in battles actively trying to die and Rhys? Rhys is totally smug. A problem that hurt Feyre and his brother is GONE.

But it's not gone. Az isn't talking to anyone- and Rhys thinks this probably means Lucien is probably, finally fucking him- but even Feyre understands that Azriel knows where Nesta is. When this is proved (when Elain surfaces and they have the very fun kitchen fight) Rhys isn't happy- but he understands. Azriel has always felt responsible for broken things.

But thats not his job, it's Rhysands job, and Rhys has already made that tough choice for the safety of his own: Nesta has no place here. When she resurfaces inevitably, broke and wanting something, Rhys will stop her before she gets close enough to upset (hurt) Feyre. It's his job.

Cassian goes missing, and Rhysand sets upon what will become his eventual move: Illyria's value is strength. (a martial strength that belongs to RHYS). But they think they can take from him? They can destroy their own best chance? (Rhys recognizes Cassian's value to Illyria even while, you know, ordering him to slaughter Illyrians) They would threaten his power? hurt his family?

Rhys will not allow a world to exist where Feyre can be hurt.

If Illyria can't be controlled, Illyria will be put down, like the rabid creatures they are. (They were always backwards, Rhys thinks. Freeing my mother was the one good thing my father ever did)

But Cassian lives.

Rhys asks Azriel if he's been cursed. Az laughs in his face.

And Cassian is a terrible enemy to have. The strategies the loyalists are using? His, filtered through Rhys. The magical contingencies? Cassian and Az, trying to prevent bloodshed.

Feyre thinks, for a long time, that maybe the rebels have Nesta. What else could compel Cassian to even care? these people keep trying to kill him. they want to kill Rhys. the brothers suffered in the frozen mud at the hands of these monsters, what is Cassian doing?

And then the massacre happens.

And Feyre sick to her stomach, cries when she hears. Rhysand thinks about a little hazel eyed boy who'd never had a bed, a present, who'd been nothing until Rhysand plucked him up- a little boy who'd grown into a dangerous man, who'd just killed every person who ever contributed to his pain. Rhys thinks, knowing he'll have to punish Cassian for this, that it's over.

The camp lords are dead, it has to be over.

(Azriel hears and understands- because he knows damn well Cassian was something before Rhysand, and after despite him. That beneath those repeatedly broken ribs is a heart that was once so big so save him, grown strong enough now to save everyone who was like them: forgotten, abandoned, used.)

It's not over. The mountains are burning. Banners fly on northern wind in a language long dead. They're singing, the spies say, they call him dawn. Loyal-heart-as-dawn.

It's Cassians name. Not that Rhys, who never knew more than a few vile insults in the language of his mother's ancient, proud people, understood it then.

Rhysand, the long-suffering hero of his own story, has been betrayed.

He can risk no more- it's time to end this madness. It's Feyre's idea to use Elain- it's Feyre who is left crying, a betrayal Rhysand will never forget- when Elain, who they've given everything, Elain, perhaps just as broken and wretched as her eldest sister, refuses to help keep Feyre safe.

(Elain refuses to participate in what she sees as genocide, but as we've established, what consequences exist? the ones Rhys feels right in front of his face)

Azriel, Elain, and Lucien run.

Of course, if both Feyre's sisters are capable of betraying her, of course, both of Rhysand's brothers would as well. They are one in the same, aren't they? Marked by destiny, by fate for this hard and terrible work- of course it hurts. Of course- but Rhysand will stop it from hurting Feyre any more.

There's one force in the world that can stand in truth against Illyria. The Darkbringers- their ancestral, ancient conquers.

(Yes, I do think Rhys knows the shitty, shitty history of his court! He just doesn't care! He didn't do it. He's different. He's in Velaris with the common people. He has wings. He's not his father.)

(He is, in fact, far worse)

When he thinks of it, it seems perfect. Illyria will be destroyed- a loss, but a safe one. Keir, will, almost certainly, also be destroyed or at least critically weakened.

Rhysand will stand alone, the man who was willing to do anything for peace. He will rule over an emptied playing field, secure in a world where Feyre is safe.

The Hewn City empties, the armies march- Rhysand holds tight Feyre's hand, says nothing about the fact that nothing, nothing, will stop Keir from killing anyone in front of him when battle starts, and reaches once more for Cassian's mind.

His brother, his friend, his loyal right hand- he begs him to come back. To come home. That they can put down this rebellion and in his love for Cassian everything can go back to how it is meant to be, all of them together.

It does not occur to him to address the hundreds dead. The system he was complicit in and responsible for that ground a culture to dust and ash- what matters is brother against brother should never have turned, and Rhys, in his kindness, will offer Cassian this last chance for honor.

Rhys doesn't want Cassian to die- he wants Cassian by his side- but he will drown the world in blood before he'll lose his crown and hope and Feyre.

And when Cassian dies, falling to the earth in Rhysand's arms, Rhys thinks of penance.

A circle closed.

But of course- Cassian wakes. Death is not done with her right hand anymore than the contract between Lordship and land in immutable. Cassian brought the magic back, brought Illyria back.

Rhys is fighting for something personal- Cassian is fighting for a whole world and future, with everything in himself.

When the new border is drawn, Rhys doesn't despair- sure he's shaking, he's covered in Cassian's blood, his twelve thousand year old walls are smoking and the whole world smells like fucking Nesta Archeron- he's been the victim of curses before.

He won't let it keep him down. He'll be fine. He has Feyre, they're safe. Illyria is going to implode- and maybe, maybe, he'll save some of those that remain when the violence is too much, when they need a real High Lord.

They'll come home. Just like Feyre's sisters will. Rhysand's brothers. They fought for peace and Velaris has it- it is their home.

It's what they fought for, the happy ending, and it's all worth it.

It has to be worth it.

[fandomscombine]

Period Cravings

BG: Periods can be a pain. Food cravings are usually the easiest to handle. But with Hogwarts under curfew and not willing risk it all for the blood quill what could you do? Looks like someone had go above and beyond to help.

A/N: Why did I decide to write something about food in the middle of the night, it’s like I wanted to make myself crave on purpose!

This is an entry to @blisfvll ‘s 1.5 celebration writing challenge! With the following prompts:

14. “I swear to God I’ll punch you.” “You can’t even reach my shoulder.”

15. “I don’t know if I wanna kill you or kiss you.”

WC:1223.

>>MASTERLIST<<

>>JOIN MY WRITING CHALLENGE!<<

You don’t normally get period cramps you are very thankful for, but of course when it does come, it hurts like hell. Luckily Madam Pomfrey has a supply of menstrual pain-relieving potions available for those in need. Which you had taken after dinner. Although now sitting in front the common room fire, you had another problem. Cravings. Which magic unlikely could not fix. Oh what you would do for a plate of a hot chocolate lava cake topped with cold vanilla ice cream!  A glance to the clock- 9:55 pm- had killed whatever small hope of getting that sweet treat from the kitchens. It was almost curfew.

The last of the students were arriving back, deflated like always after Umbridge had become High Inquisitor and held Hogwarts with an iron grip.

‘If you keep making that face y/n, your brows are gonna be permanently sewn together.’ Fred remarked.

Which only made you scowled further.

‘Sorry Sorry!’ Fred raised his arms in surrender. ‘I bet you would still look cute even when your face ultimately stays mad.’

Did he just called you cute?- Well no exactly but also could he be? You thought but before your brain could process if his teasing had something behind it, your body reacted first. Next thing you know, you had hit his arm.

‘Ouch woman! You hit hard!’

‘Well these chaser arms do pay off even outside of quidditch.’ You knew Fred only tried to cheer you up. He always does, when he sees you down or anyone for that matter and would crack jokes to brighten the day.

Placing your hand on his arm as to lessen the pain you begin, ‘I’m sorry. You were just trying to make me feel better and I released all this crap onto you.’

‘Heyyy heyy it’s okay.’ Fred said, pulling you for an embrace, ‘Take it out on me all you want, I can take it. Anything for you.’

Breaking away he continues, ‘What’s got you bitter anyway?’ Genuine concern in his eyes.

You looked away. ‘Ahh it’s so stupid- It’s nothing really.’

‘I am Fred fucking Weasley, I do stupid things all the time. Try me.’

‘I want a hot plate of lava cake with ice cream.’

‘Say what now?’ Fred stated, a bit confused.

‘I would die for some lava cake and ice cream right now.’ You stated with a deadpanned face.

‘This craving is driving me insane!’ You explained. ‘Normally I would just sneak out to the kitchens but now with the threat of getting my hand scarred with the blood quill, it is a no go. No way am I risking that just for a period craving. I wouldn’t even wish the blood quill to a bully.’

‘yeah yeh….’ Fred mumbled, lost in his own thought.

Waving a hand in front of his face ‘Freddie are you even lis—’

Fred abruptly stood up. ‘I—I got to go y/n. I forgot something in the—’ Running out of the common room, the rest of his sentence cut off by the closing of the door.

~

An hour later, right before you were getting ready for bed. Your roommate had come in giggling, ‘Y/n! Good you’re still up. Fred is downstairs waiting for you by the way.’

Waiting for me? What could this boy be up to now??

But you nod anyway. ‘Thanks y/f/n. I’ll be right down.’ You put on your fluffy slippers and make your way down to the common room.

You first caught sight of Fred pacing, making your way closer to the communal study tables you then saw it. ‘WHAT THE-‘you exclaimed.

‘Surprise!’ Fred said with handing presenting the table full of desserts- Chocolate frogs, cauldron cakes, hot butterbeer and the showstopper plate of a hot chocolate lava cake topped with cold vanilla ice cream!  

‘As you can see, I have also added a couple more stuff, which I noticed Ginny and Mum eat during you know the time of the month, been told that those help ease the pain and cravings. And Ohh! I also have these…’ Fred handed you more stuff from the chair. ‘Heating pads and a couple of potions from Madam Pomfrey- though she was a bit annoyed and worried that I asked her for them so close to curfew…and’ His cheeks blushed. ‘after all that she calmed down cause she said that I was being the most caring boyfriend and knew that we would make a great couple…’ Fred chuckled nervously.  

Seeing that you haven’t said anything, yet he continued hoping to salvage anything after that boyfriend/girlfriend comment, ‘apparently quite a number of teachers are shipping us together, some even have bets!’ He tried to sound nonchalant but failed. ‘Can you believe?’

Alternating from him, the food on the table and the heating pad and potions in your hand. You brain is going a hundred miles an hour.

On one hand, this is just wow, never had you felt so taken cared of before- and securely this surpasses best friend territory, right? Fred had gone above and beyond. This was some boyfriend material stuff right here. But what if you’re just overthinking and reading too between the lines y/n? What if you just want to see what you want to see.  But your thoughts keep going back to the boyfriend quality worry, the going above and beyond.  And he did mention that relationship comment right? He didn’t seem to take offence at the idea….

On the other hand, your own worry had taken over. What he had done for you was so risky, he could have been caught. If he had he would have suffered and have scars on his hand, all because of you and you could live with that. How could he be so reckless? – Wait why are you even still saying this to yourself…

You broke off your internal monologue. ‘WHAT THE FUCK FRED?!??? YES FREDDIE THIS IS ALL SO SWEET AND I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT BUT WHAT IF YOU HAD BEEN CAUGHT?? YOU WOULD HAVE SUFFERED AND BE PUNISHED BY THE BLOOD QUILL!! HOW COULD YOU BE SO RECKLESS?!?’ Your anger from worry had slowed now, you looked up to him with soft eyes. ‘You did this all for me. If something bad had happen to you, it would because of me, and I don’t think I could live with that Freddie.’

Fred had always been able to see through you, and to see you so anxious for his safety warms his heart. He tucks the hair that had fallen out during you rant. ‘But you see love, I wasn’t caught. Reckless- Yes. But caught? Nope. Maybe I should try that again….to test my skills.’ He teased.

You glared at him. ‘You. Will. Not. Or else, I swear to God I’ll punch you.’

‘You can’t even reach my shoulder.’ Fred resorted. ‘You know… you are so cute when you’re frustrated.’

‘Ughh!’ Rolling your eyes. ‘I don’t know if I wanna kill you or kiss you.’

‘Rather kiss me more, I hope.’ He smirked. Then got serious., he held your waist. ‘But I wanna do it properly and take you out on a date first.’

You brought your hands up to the nape of his neck and started to play with his hair. ‘Well then let’s us consider this as our first date!’

---

Taglist [All/General]: @gruffle1​

(omg I just noticed that tumblr tagged a different account ��that have a similar username, just a letter off😳 this is why sometimes I don't trust tumblr's automatic tagging system! @blisfvll my bad😅)

[goosemixtapes]

max’s top books of 2021 :3c

top ten bookposting... TWO!!! (you can find last year’s here!) once again, this is ranked completely on the basis of my opinions (which are abstract combinations of “how technically good is this book?” and “how much did i enjoy it?”)

i read... a lot this year. half again as much as last year, because i started uni in august and guess who is taking literature classes! that said, this list was still incredibly difficult to make because Reading More Books does not necessarily equate to Enjoying More Books. under the cut because i have a lot to say.

first off: the runner-ups: American Moor by Keith Hamilton Cobb (a one-man play about being a black man through the lens of Othello; jesus christ the power in this writing; i should reread this); Teenage Dick by Mike Lew (not sure how i felt about the ending but oh my fucking god this is everything.); Milk Fed by Melissa Broder (incredibly striking character voice; started amazing and sagged in the middle imo); History of Wolves by Emily Fridlund (books that feel like getting hit over the head with a baseball bat); and Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel (i know i’m late to this one but. crying cat image)

and my top three anticipated 2022 releases: I Am Margaret Moore by Hannah Capin (what can i say. 2020 left me a hannah capin groupie); Ellen Outside the Lines by A.J. Sass (GAY PEOPLE AND NONBINARY PEOPLE AND NEURODIVERGENT PEOPLE?); and Hell Followed With Us by A.J. White (THIS BOOK... LAST NIGHT I DREAMED I HELD YOU IN MY ARMS.)

without further ado! the list, with my love increasing as the numbers drop:

10. O Human Star by Blue Delliquanti

if you like gaytrans people and robots, you need to read this. if you like gaytrans people but are relatively neutral about robots, you need to read this. if you hate robots. i guess you shouldn’t read this. but it’s FREE ONLINE, so what’s really stopping you from giving it a shot? the entire time i was reading this, my thoughts were split between “ooooooohhhhhmmmmygod this is such a trans story, this is such a trans story, this understands being a closeted trans person and the agonizingly slow process of realizing it better than pretty much anything i’ve ever read” and “PAIN PAIN SUFFERING AGONY PAIN.” and also “GAY PEOPLE KISS ON THE MOUTH A FAMILY CAN BE TWO INVENTORS AND THEIR ROBOT CLONE DAUGHTER.” nearly made me cry in my in-person latin class because i was reading instead of doing my work. 10/10

9. The Chosen and the Beautiful by Nghi Vo

this was one of my most anticipated reads of 2021, and i was right. i was right. it’s a gatsby retelling (already great) starring a bisexual vietnamese jordan baker (even better) WITH MAGIC (!!!) and some of the most breathtakingly beautiful prose i’ve read all year. i read this with a group of friends, and we collectively agreed that the soft magic system was sometimes a little vague (particularly in terms of how magic’s existence affects the rest of society), but that was the only criticism i had because jesus christ this was amazing. falls under the category of retellings make me think “FUCK, the og text is so good” while also being incredibly gripping and gorgeous in their own rights (this is the best category of retellings).

8. The Iliad by Homer

OOOOOOOOO let’s get into the NERD ZONE PART OF THIS POST. i read the iliad twice this year, because i am insane. first so i could read TSOA after it (a book that... i did not love. but that is another matter), then again because i had to for class. you guys, i think homer can write. do not talk to me about hector unless you want to check out how hard i can cry (and on that note, shoutout to An Iliad by Lisa Peterson and Dennis O’Hare because. bark bark bark rufrufrufruf grrrrr bark bark etc) (and also, shoutout to the chilliad.)

7. The Drowning Girl by Caitlin R. Kiernan

i will say flat out that this book is not for everyone. the synopsis is super vague, and the book itself is written in a winding and abstract style that some might find frustrating. but i happen to be the exact target audience of this book about a fictional schizophrenic lesbian writing her fictional memoir about a series of events that might have been Actually Magic or might have been a delusion. this book is SO fucking meta in an absolutely delightful way. there are SO many literary and artistic references. the aforementioned style is deliberately a representation of how imp (the main character)’s mental illness shapes her writing, and as a mentally ill person whose brain ALSO shapes my writing, i loved that, and i love how it tied into the themes, and i love this book a lot, and i wrote a much longer review so i will leave it at that.

6. A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin

. okay. look. look at me. look. it would be SO easy, culturally, homosexually, to hate game of thrones. but this book fucks INCREDIBLY severely. there is a REASON a song of ice and fire has become the template for this kind of fantasy, and that’s because NOBODY IS DOING IT LIKE GEORGE R R MARTIN. putting a dragon and some gritty straight sex in your fantasy novel is not going to make you the next game of thrones!!! there is WORLDBUILDING here!!! there is LORE!!! there is a vast interwoven tapestry of characters who all feel devastatingly human even when they’re terrible!!! there are ICE ZOMBIES? i don’t even care about ice zombies but nobody fucking told me that! i hate george rr martin because i want his job so bad (getting away with writing 800 page fantasy books except mine will be about gay people) but even despite that i can admit that this book deserves the hype. (have been reading the second one at the speed of 1 page per eon while at college. turns out a book of this scale is not the best to read in scattered intervals at college. oh well)

5. The Wicked and the Divine by Kieron Gillen & Jamie McKelvie

i actually don’t read a lot of comics/graphic novels (maybe i should read more? i don’t know; i like prose) and so i had to be coaxed into wicdiv by the esteemed mx. @yvesdot. and thank god for it because oh my god. OH my god. this series takes a rad idea (“hey, pop stars are treated like gods. what if they Were”) and completely fucking slams the gas pedal to 100. the plot twists in this series broke my fucking NECK (two of my reviews read “THIS ISSUE WAS LIKE GETTING HITCHED TO A MEAT HOOK AND HAVING MY BODY SWUNG AROUND AT HIGH VELOCITY WITH A BUNCH OF FLESHY THUNKS AGAINST THE WALL.” and “my head is a mailbox and wicdiv is the group of rowdy teenage kids in cars in the 80s coming to hit me with a baseball bat”). the art is BREATHTAKING; this is a series for people who like women. every character is SO compelling and so horrible and so imperfect and once i started reading it was near impossible to stop. the last volume made me lie in the fetal position on my dorm floor. i made a PLAYLIST for this series. i, a man who only makes playlists for shakespeare shit. the playlist is called “fuck off i am not crying” ADN GUESS WHAT . I WAS

4. The Last True Poets of the Sea by Julia Drake

there are the books that you read in a day or two and enjoy, and then there are the books that you ignore your zoom class to finish while holding in your tears on camera. there are the shakespeare retellings that slap, and then there are the shakespeare retellings written specifically to appeal to mentally ill theater-oriented WLW hyperfixating on twelfth night whose younger brothers are also mentally ill. realllllllly hard to describe the amount of emotions i have for this book. realllllllly hard to not lie facedown on the carpet thinking about it. (no, you don’t have to read twelfth night to read this; yes, you should read it. immaculately written. wonderful book. plus look at that fucking COVER. gay rights)

3. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

and once again. we return. to the nerd zone. maybe i have stockholm syndrome. maybe that’s why i’m sitting here about to type “war and peace was maybe the most fun reading experience i had this year.” because if you’re gonna read a 1200 page book, you have to start enjoying it at SOME point, right? just as a defense mechanism? but oh my god war and peace is so legitimately good. i hate tolstoy’s pedantic misogynist pancake ass but that man can write characters in a way that makes me want to levitate off of my chair into the air and/or scream into a pillow. on a serious level: part of my enjoyment is because it’s actually really good; part of it is because i have a whole group of friends who also enjoy war and peace, and so i got to discuss it and listen to their playlists and look at their art. and part of it is definitely because the spring of my senior year of high school, bored out of my mind in my last set of required classes, terrified of the looming shadow of College TM, was probably the best time in my life so far to pick up a doorstop about confused and depressed young adults trying to find their places in the world despite the feeling that they’re wasting their lives and their talents and missing “the answers” of life. also every bitch in this book is gay. listen to great comet

2. The Aeneid by Virgil

we saw this coming, right. like we knew this was coming. the first time i read this poem (notably, when i hadn’t read homer yet and couldn’t pick out all the allusions to the iliad/odyssey) was at the start of 2021, because my ten-person latin 5 class translated it. and i found it kind of boring, but the class was insane (positively. for the most part), and i thought, well, whatever, it’s a decent story even if i don’t like the style of epic poems. and then that Decent Story sunk into every nook and crevice of my brain in the following months and haunted me like the shade of [idk, name someone who dies in the aeneid, there’s a handful] until i finally got to read it again in one of my uni classes and had to physically stop myself from overtaking the entire class with my answers to the professor’s questions and then proceeded to follow the professor after class to talk with (at?) him about it and then made him read two different essays about it. i think when it comes to “thinking about aeneas” i am in the top 100 people on the planet. virgil put his pussy into every single line of this poem and it’s one of my personality traits now

1. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

speaking of max’s personality traits. okay, here’s the part where i confess that i did not actually read the entire complete works this year. i WANTED to, and intended to, but i didn’t start in earnest until june (i thought i was going to do a book club with a friend! and then we did not.) and as a result of that + uni, i really doubt i’m going to finish the last four or five plays in the next five days. (maybe i could. but i would like to do other things at some point this week.) that said, i DID read twenty-five new shakespeare plays (and hamlet and as you like it again) and most of the sonnets. in general my opinions and meta posting are on my shakespeare blog; specific shout-outs go to my new favorites, ranked just under hamlet and lear: henry iv part 1 (HOTSPUR MY FUCKING BELOVEDDDD. HAL ONE OF THE CHARACTERS OF ALL TIME), julius caesar (this is my version of a page-turner vacation read. both times i’ve read this i did it in 48 hours and i’m insane about brutus and cassius.), and twelfth night (far and away my favorite comedy, and probably my favorite read of the year).

if you’ve read this far, you have to add me on goodreads and we will be legally wed. everyone tell me your favorite reads of the year i want to know

[writingonesdreams]

Currently reading

Fantasy bromance focus

Falling twilight *DnD universe campaign of friendly enemies

Whitefire crossing *mountain climbing fantasy about a moral thief and shy blood mage

Bruiser*modern fantasy sibling relationships, romance, ability to take on the pain of loved ones

This was then, this is now*modern friends to enemies from Hinton 100%

Hammer and blade*friends action sword and sorcery fantasy

Stormblood*estranged brothers addicted to adrenaline drug

Tuyo*enemies to friends culture clash

Black company*healer of a mercenary company of military bros and magical duo

Winter be my shield*magic from suffering, hunted, enemies to friends, brothers

Declaration of rights of magicians*political historical fantasy about friendship

Vagabonds*anthropological culture clash between planets about collectivism vs individualism

Black sun rising*science fantasy magical planet enemies forced to cooperate

Uriah Heep*modern fantasy about brothers and reading characters out of books

White tree*friends magic banter fantasy

Blood song*friendship warrior magic academy

Dark elf*DnD campaign of dark elf, dwarf and human warrior

Prince of thorns*anti-villian revenge obsessed group 1st person

Prince of fools*cowardly prince and ruthless warrior paired up

Fantasy enemies to lovers

Down comes the night*enemies to friends to lovers as mages on different side of the war 4%

Shadow Queen

Crown's game

Dance of thieves

Ignite the stars*science fiction on a boarding school with enemies to friends focus 

Political fantasy with power plays

Emperor's blades

Falling kingdoms

Jade city*supernatural modern mafia family

Grace of kings*opposites to friends to enemies politics

Free the darkness*overpowered protag with no social experience

Rage of dragons*revenge story with strong training focus

It's really hard to choose from all of these😂 - listed according to interest, they are the top from the 60 on my reading list right now that have the most interesting premise and check all the things I'm looking for (mostly fantasy, bromance, whump, enemies to friends, political power struggles, intriguing magic systems). I'm currently reading the first chapters of the bold ones trying to see which one pulls me in, but they all have strong beginnings and it takes more than first chapter to get invited into such thick books and vast worlds. Just getting the vocabulary and rules of all the worldbuilding takes a while, before the impact of them can fully hit.😂

Falling twilight had good characters and really filled the DnD mood for me with the 12 kingdoms universe, but the plot points were so repetitive and not getting anywhere I'm not going to read the whole series.

Whitefire crossing was really interesting take on mountain climbing in fantasy and two protags that went from secret enemies to kinda liking each other to full on betrayal back to friendship. The writing is great, but the last third is slow and stops making sense with the magic (it was really well thought until then though). There is an interesting utilisation of 1st and 3rd person switching between the two protags that works nicely. The next book has the two separated though and even erases the mage's memories restarting the whole thing, which is a shame because of the great chemistry. I'm too pissed off by this development to continue 😂 but I might skip to the third book sometime, it puts the two together for the majority of the book again and really revels in their suffering.👀

Stormblood, Winter be my shield and Tuyo are quite unknown selfpub books as far as I know, so there aren't that many reviews, and neither is there a fandom for them - but their premises are fantastic. Black company is well-known, but the military vocab is leaving me confused so far. Hammer and Blade is written by Kemp, the same author as Falling twilight, so his style is good, but the whole whoring and wine seen as biggest goal in life is putting me off a bit.😅

[naturedust]

The Arcana characters during the Covid-19 pandemic: Part 1 (Asra, Julian, Valerius)

hi everyone! i felt really happy whilst writing this. in each set of headcanons, the apprentice lives with that character! i don’t specify if there’s anything romantic or sexual going on between them though. this is VERY detailed, i’m still writing out muriel, nadia, portia, and lucio’s headcanons so they’ll come in part 2 <3 i hope you enjoy!! AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27529276/chapters/67324228

Asra

asra hosts weekly magic workshops (covering very very basic magic) with the apprentice over microsoft teams 💻 each workshop has a small fee, with all proceeds going to local vesuvian charities like mask suppliers, and food banks (who he tries to donate extra food to every week) supporting the poorest amongst their population. it was the apprentice who first suggested he do this, on a day he was feeling really afraid in the face of the pandemic.

i think he has days when he feels really helpless and trapped – and it runs a little deeper than cabin fever and restlessness. other than the pain he’d experience if he lost the apprentice again, being unable to do things freely is the worst situation he can think of... as much as asra prioritises the apprentice’s mental health, he doesn’t practice emotional expression a lot. he truly strives to be there for the apprentice and even when he remembers how they suffered after coming back...asra only cries silently at night when they are asleep – when he knows they can’t hear him. 

that’s part of the reason why he’s always seemed so mysterious in the game — growing up without his parents meant that he learnt to push down his fear and put on a brave face... and one of the reasons why he goes on trips without much explanation is to escape reality for a bit. he lets his vulnerability show only on the worst of days (like the day the apprentice died). on days where asra feels really afraid of the world and defeated, the apprentice takes over his shop duties and brews much more lapsang souchong than usual to comfort him. so much that even passerbys outside the shop are caught in the smokiness of it! unlike the red plague, every community in the world is affected, and there is nowhere for asra to escape to. this includes nopal. after vesuvia’s Covid-19 situation gets better though, he and the apprentice stay there sometimes as a mini vacation of sorts and it brings him peace 🏜

asra’s leading an effort to make high quality masks more accessible to vesuvians. in fact, that local mask provider i mentioned earlier is his initiative. he set it up after seeing people buy all the beaked plague doctor masks (the PPE of vesuvia) that actual working doctors need access to. he would never admit it but, when asra thinks about the doctors, julian is the first who comes to mind. anyways, the masks asra designs are stunning. he spends tireless nights testing their 3-ply efficacy, and they aren’t just plain blue or white – there are intricate details imprinted on them through his magic 🔮 

i think asra would also be really into coming up with new herbal concoctions for customers, after he notices how tired people look from being indoors all day – for example, he’s developed an immune system-boosting drink that’s a gorgeous swirly purple colour 🍶 it’s similar to traditional chinese medicine. also he only uses ethically sourced, 100% local herbs (by local, i mean from nopal and the tarske forest, where muriel helps him collect wildflowers and herbs!!)  🌿 he uses spells to counter the toxicity of his favourite belladonna flower and it becomes a superfood staple of his concoctions

he goes out every couple of days just to gather herbs and ingredients for aforementioned concoctions, always prioritising the ones he makes for the apprentice and always making those sweeter, taking more time to create colourful depths in them that resemble galaxies. asra also makes particular effort to bring back a wide range of fruits from his local trips as it always cheers the apprentice up 🍈

asra invents the most effective, affordable, environmentally-friendly, non-toxic and skin-friendly hand sanitiser and because this magician is the sweetest person ever and cares much more about people’s lives than making a profit during the pandemic, he shares the recipe online for free & magicians all around the world recreate the hand sanitiser for their local neighbourhoods. he’s since been featured in a couple of “Top 10 People You Should Follow” lists in business magazines and there’s an online petition with over 200k signatures calling for his nobel prize nomination lol. asra insists he doesn’t care about fame but when the apprentice laughs about these recognitions, they always notice asra’s eyes crinkling

asra would also become a lot more active on his youtube channel. that’s right, he’s always had a youtube channel, he’s just had a million hiatuses because of all his adventures. he has around 20,000 subscribers (and a similar amount on instagram...his feed is colourful and full of pictures depicting his travels, the shop, and above all, the apprentice). since he’s decided to stay at the shop with the apprentice – who is actually a little more vulnerable than others to viruses, because of their “reborn” form – he has the time to post weekly videos again. i think asra wouldn’t want to show his face in any of the videos, and not on his instagram either... and it’s got nothing to do with his self-esteem – he just wants the focus to be on what he’s doing rather than how he looks. the videos vary from very domestic vlogs with titles like “what two magicians do in a day” to packed af guides like “🐍 SPELLS TO REFINE AT HOME 🐍” & “crystals that can calm you during these times” and his wildly popular “carving crystals i mined: in real time” ⏳ the apprentice is a permanent fixture in all of them <3 viewers always assume they’re together and whether they are or not...that’s for you to think about ;)

asra is big on healing crystals and gemstones. like really, really big on them. he always makes sure to inform his customers and audiences that they are alternatives and not substitutes, and that sicknesses need real medicine & they can’t just wear a crystal in place of a mask (bc that’s happened before and he felt so guilty for carving and selling the crystal in question) what’s strange is, even though he usually sources his crystals from other countries during his travels, there seem to more than ever all around the shop and the apartment upstairs..

when the apprentice asks about it, it turns out that asra goes mining alone in nopal! he doesn’t really like to mine the actual desert as he’s only ever dug up gold and silver there. one time, he accidentally stumbled upon a cave at the edge of nopal and – ever the curious wandering magician – he ventured deep within it and found amazing crystals and gemstones everywhere 💎 he never mentioned it to the apprentice because he always thought it was too dangerous for them to go, until they remind him it’s dangerous for him too. from that day onwards they go looking for crystals every weekend together :’)

if asra was living alone, he would be fine with just wearing a mask to go outside. but since he lives with the apprentice – and especially after what happened during the red plague – he’s not risking ANYTHING. he wears aviator goggles and eco-vinyl gloves when he’s in the market, just to be extra safe, though when he’s out foraging he takes off his mask because there’s usually no one else there & it’s way too humid. the apprentice likes to make fun of how steampunk he looks & the way the big goggles make his hair extra poofy  🤍 

Julian

julian is on the frontlines of the vesuvian pandemic response. with his experience as a doctor – specifically, a frontline doctor during the red plague who discovered the cure (!!!) – he is revered by new doctors and nurses, most of whom are volunteers. when the pandemic first begins, there aren’t formal hospitals or medical schools set up in vesuvia, so he has to make do by reopening his clinic in the centre city, as an alternative to valdemar’s one in the palace – which, quite frankly is the stuff of nightmares for most of the population

as you know, julian is universally loved by the vesuvian people... so the waiting list of the hospital branch he works at is ALWAYS full. patients always report how gentle and attentive he is and how comforted they feel in his presence. even though he has to wear a hazmat suit and the plague doctor beak mask, he is known for visiting the most severely affect Covid-19 patients and holding their hands in their last moments.

the apprentice brings different flowers to put inside his beak mask every day (this is a headcanon that i’m pretty sure originated from the writer telanaris on AO3!!) to give julian some small comfort amongst all the death and suffering he’s witness to every day. they go out to the tarske forest or even to nopal with asra, or sometimes alone. because julian mentioned wolfsbane was his favourite flower once, the apprentice picked some without knowing that they’re poisonous. long story short, they blacked out and woke up in his clinic with an extremely worried julian nearly in tears launching into a self-blame monologue, about to black out himself from staying by their side the whole night

i also think julian would be featured in the news a lot and sometimes pretty randomly. he gives official weekly Covid-19 updates on the main vesuvian tv news channel – though the apprentice stands in for him after the first two weeks (he tries very hard to refuse their help because he doesn’t want to burden them, even though they assure him they actually want to relieve him of at least one of his burdens since he’s a full-time pandemic doctor – and because he almost fainted from exhaustion the second time. the apprentice kindly, but sternly asks him to take care of himself too, as he does everyone else)

he would just be on the news in general too...his random acts of kindness would go viral on social media – “Vesuvian Doctor Helps Elderly In Race for Toilet Paper.” ❤️ “Local Doctor Delivers Groceries for Struggling Families.” and his “grandmothers” in nevivon always get excited when they see him on the news and send letters to congratulate him (much to his embarrassment). julian would also go viral on twitter. one photo of him has 100k retweets: “oh my fcking god i just rounded the corner and there’s this really fucking t a l l man handing out free bottles of sanitiser. i don’t need to see him under his plague beak to know he’s hot af HELP” and the apprentice would retweet it saying “so proud of my bf” and the internet would go wild over this comment. it’s up to you to decide if they’re actually together or not hehe bc who knows the apprentice might’ve meant best friend 🤷🏻‍♀️

he sets up a youtube channel with no profile picture or description to upload a single video... “How to PROPERLY use hand sanitiser!” and all the comments are just about his looks and voice 😚 it reaches cities outside of vesuvia and because the hand sanitiser in the video is locally made (by asra!) it quickly becomes sold out by either those who don’t know how to do magic or people without access to the products being replicated by other magicians... because a lot of them actually marked up the price :(  + even communities that are afraid of magic buy it because asra’s detailed method and julian’s instructive marketing combined are that effective. a power couple... in another life, perhaps 💫

julian would then be invited to do a city-sponsored video guide on how to wash your hands (the idea is helmed by nadia, of course, who recognises the usefulness of his newfound fame). not only would he be extremely exhausted from full-day shifts, he’d also be overthinking to the point of hyperventilation before filming starts – but he surprises the apprentice with how professional and clear he is in the videos. a true thespian at heart, instead of happy birthday, he improvises on set and sings an old tune from nevivon instead as he washes his hands for 20 seconds 🌊 lemme just say...his hands also go viral lol. also, julian could be a tik tok star if he wanted to. he’s certainly got the moves for it, and can easily achieve the e-boy vibe – plus, he’s gone viral on there several times already!

even though julian doesn’t seem to care when he’s in danger, he’s very meticulous when it comes to the apprentice’s safety. living through his second pandemic and working with patients first hand means that he is very aware of how severe the situation is. every morning he prepares a 99:1 water:bleach ratio spray to spray his shoes when he comes home. he refuses to even touch the apprentice (for fear of passing on anything from the clinic) before he’s taken off his mask, thrown it away safely – then showering and washing his hair thoroughly.

having grown up in nevivon, i like to think that julian is really environmentally conscious, especially with regards to the sea. he used to go diving in the sea to retrieve trash, and as a young man he made a habit of going to the docks every weekend to remove plastic containers and wires from around the necks of salt seals 🌫. so, no matter how tired he is, when he comes home to the apprentice, julian never forgets to snip the ear loops of his surgical masks in half, as he knows sea creatures can get caught up in them. i’m sure he makes a second youtube video at some point to talk about this issue. tldr julian is an environmental activist <3

Valerius

so it’s been a long while since valerius was freed from you-know-who. his personality has definitely changed a lot since then... he’s back to his old and real self (which we never really saw in the game) 🌄 he works side by side with nadia now, not only as colleagues but also genuine friends, and he oversees the health department. he sets up dozens of hospitals and more general clinics in and out of vesuvia, consulting experienced doctors in vesuvia like julian as well as officials from neighbouring countries and states. as a side note, valerius is actually a very humble person and the most attentive listener you will ever meet. people from neighbouring governments & royal households admire him immensely as a result <3

out of everyone, i think valerius would be the most careful during the pandemic. during the red plague he witnessed lucio’s illness up close and it’s had a profound impact on him. he worries about the apprentice, a lot. more than anyone who knows him expects him to. he’s always the first to notice and remind them if their mask is falling down their nose, or if they’re about to rub their eyes with unwashed hands. you will never catch him forgetting to wear a mask or touching his face at all when he’s outside. he takes the time to use disinfectant wipes to clean everything he brings back home one by one, and though valerius is adamant it’s not the apprentice’s responsibility (because most of the things are usually files from the palace he has to go through before the next morning or things he brings back from the market) the apprentice always insists they want to help out :’) so it becomes a nice daily evening ritual, sitting together on the floor after returning from the palace, cleaning their things in silence together 💜

speaking of things he buys, valerius loves the marketplace. he discovers it one day by accident when looking for a bouquet of 🌹 red roses 🌹 to bring back for the apprentice, who was particularly upset that day after helping valerius out at the new hospitals and not being able to help any of the patients as much as they would have liked with their magic. when valerius stumbles across the marketplace, he is absolutely amazed by the colours and smells that surround him. he spends a lot of his free time and lunch hours looking through jewellery stalls – especially hairpins and hair sticks. 

anyone looking at him would be able to see how much care valerius puts into maintaining his hair. because he washes his hair every day (to avoid bringing any Covid-19 related germs into bed), and because being free from you-know-who has made him a lot more open to magic... not to mention because he actually lives with the apprentice now 💜 i think valerius would also consult asra about magical hair masks and conditioners, to keep his very long and thick hair healthy and soft, despite washing it every day.

he knows from accidentally overhearing asra a long time ago that the apprentice loves pumpkin bread, so he asks around for hours until he finally finds the baker’s stall 🍞 it takes hours because valerius is really bad with directions and gets lost a few times... it doesn’t help that he’s distracted by all the different foods and jewellery that he’s never seen before (he picks up a nice ring for the apprentice, and yes he’s so attentive and familiar with jewellery that he guesses their ring band size correctly). from that day onwards, once or twice a week, he wakes up a little earlier than usual to sneak out of his estate and buy the bread, so that the apprentice can enjoy it – freshly made, warm, and their favourite – for breakfast 🥣

yes, he has an estate (this mr. darcy-like headcanon is from jane_ways on AO3!!) and he treats his household employees very well, offering paid leave for all of them so that they can stay with their own families. in their absence, he proves to be an incredible cook, albeit a little rusty because he hasn’t cooked anything substantial since being under you-know-who’s influence and because he’s been too busy at the palace to eat anything that isn’t catered. 

due to social distancing, the apprentice and him eat in a lot more – valerius is very ambitious and soon moves past making homemade dishes... he cooks blown out, elaborate dinners and prepares creative and (visually) beautiful packed lunches to bring to work 🍴 whenever the apprentice has to work late he brings them dinners inspired by the colours of the shop that day – he is hesitant to admit it, at first, but he’s always admired the crystals there, and he is often inspired by them in his food presentations. asra is ever perceptive and gifts him a few (polished amethyst because he used to be an insomniac, black tourmaline and selenite to keep you-know-who at bay 💎) soon after the apprentice frees him from the curse

i really see valerius as someone who against all expectations is really into hands-on work like welding and carving – things that can get messy. he’s slowly trying to get rid of it, but since he first started working at the palace he’s maintained a very prim and posh appearance. he really loves to weld jewellery like rings and earrings. before the pandemic began, he took a few classes in the marketplace – classes which are on hiatus now, of course. he's set up a little studio in his estate and wears a blacksmith’s apron and goggles and everything. it’s honestly quite the sight. whenever the apprentice is working longer hours at the shop making potions with asra, he goes into the studio to continue his projects. some of the ones he’s proudest of are: the pure-silver wine rack, the gold headbands and rings he makes for himself – and then for the apprentice too when they keep “borrowing” his – and his favourite of all is his first ever project: the cast iron skillet that took him over a week to weld. he hand engraved the apprentice and his initials onto its handle <3  you don't need to read any of this as a romantic gesture, because friends can definitely do the same!

i like to think that prakra managed the pandemic especially well, and that valerius sits down to have zoom calls with queen nasrin to discuss ways the two places can collaborate and help each other 👑 she becomes his mentor of sorts, as he’s still relatively young and inexperienced when it comes to governing a city-state like vesuvia. when nasrin visited nadia before at the palace, she was not a fan of valerius at all and was just as wary of him as nadia was. however she becomes very fond of him as a result of their collaboration, and even starts to see him as a son ❕ other than the apprentice, nasrin would be the second person valerius talks the most freely with. initially he is very reluctant to share anything about his life, let alone his past before landing the consul job – but he eventually opens up and nasrin plays a role in helping him move past his failures (his eyes are opened after the apprentice frees him, and he feels immense shame from how he didn’t lead vesuvia very successfully in nadia’s absence)

[mcmactictac]

Some of my favourite quotes from random media I enjoy! (I wasn’t super specific with my sourcing, but if you want to check out any of the source material I find them all really interesting!)

“ ‘You can’t unsee this’

he told himself.

‘This is not allowed in the life you’re living’

he told himself.

I want so much more”

(Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stievfater)

I absolutely adore Maggie’s writing style. The use of italics and spacing on the page to convey emotion is something I see so rarely, and yet find so refreshing. Something about that moment of Declan finally breaking free and going no, I want more than this is so refreshing. Especially for someone who constantly puts the needs of other people above himself, him making a clear choice to finally put what he wants first was something really interesting to me.

“In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of strength.”

(Avatar the Last Airbender, the good animated show, not the movie)

There are so many amazing quotes in this show, but this one really stuck with me. I think when it comes to dealing with our problems, everyone just wishes other people could fix them so they wouldn’t have to deal with it (a totally understandable and valid feeling). Although having a good support system is great, not everyone is always able to have that. Sometimes you have to rely on yourself to provide that motivation, that hope to push yourself through it. Giving hope to yourself when you are struggling is something that is incredibly difficult for most people, which is why I liked how the show acknowledged how challenging it was. It recognizes the strength it takes to be your own source of light, which was really nice to see (especially from a kids show)

“The thing about leaving something for the last time is that you rarely realize you’re doing it”

(The Candymakers by Wendy Mass)

This book has been a personal favourite of mine for a long time. This line really struck a chord with me, and I don’t think I really understood it exactly the first time I read it. But after COVID, and losing so much, I feel like this is something that can be relatable to many people. So much was lost so quickly, and we really had no idea any of it was coming. Especially for the high school seniors in 2020, they left school for the last time not realizing they would never go back. I find this quote has more of an impact once you’ve experienced that feeling of loss, and wishing you had appreciated things more since you didn’t realize it would be the last time you would get to experience it.

“I’ll make mistakes, but my own and it frees me”

(The Lightning Thief, but the Broadway musical not the book)

Something about this line was really special to me. Acknowledging that making mistakes is a part of growing up, it’s a part of life and it isn’t bad. It also acknowledges that the mistakes you make are because of you, not anyone else. You have the freedom to choose whatever you want and take whichever path you desire. Knowing that you’ll still make those mistakes, but it can finally be for something you deem worthy and important and not something trivial. This line should be stressful, but it just feels filled with hope instead. It doesn’t fill you with dread of your regrets, but instead fills you with hope and excitement instead.

“It was this. This moment, and no other moment, and for the first time that Gansey could remember, he knew what it felt like to be present in his own life”

(The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater)

This is one of my favourite scenes of a book I’ve ever read. This whole chapter was absolutely magical, and filled with so much life and happiness. I always love a Gansey POV, but it was so nice to watch himself relax and have a “normal life” for a night. I loved the use of “present in his own life”, I think it’s a wonderful way to convey a feeling that’s so hard to express. It’s even hard to capture how the quote makes me feel, there’s just so much genuine happiness and peace within it.

“If nothing ever changed, there would be no such thing as butterflies”

(The Candymakers by Wendy Mass)

I really do love this book. It takes such a positive outlook on so many difficult things. Change can be scary, but it can also be beautiful and create incredible things. Change is how we get good things in our life and I think so many people are terrified of it. I love the simplistic way it puts a positive spin on such a complicated topic. I think it’s important for people to see that change doesn’t always have to be bad and can make things better than before.

“When they’re gone, it will hurt. But that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.”

(Supernatural, season 15)?

OUCH. I love how this looks at pain and loss in a different direction. So often pain associated with loss is seen as the absence of something and it was cool to see it portrayed more positively. Instead of looking at something and seeing all you’ve lost, it’s being reminded how much you cared about it and the experiences that developed that deep care. It’s seeing all you had, instead of thinking about how much you lost.

“To be human is to move forward, to adapt, to believe in your ability to make things better. That is the only way to make the pain and sacrifice mean something.”

(Supernatural, season 15)?

This one hits hard. We all suffer so much, and keep pushing forward, doing the best we can to make it all worth it. If you get trapped in that loop of negativity, It will be really hard to move forward with that mindset. Hope is one of those characteristics that makes us human and without hope for something it’s hard to find satisfaction. Even if it’s something small, like hoping a store has the item you came looking for, or something larger like hoping we can fight harder against climate change. These things add value to our lives, and although they can provide disappointment, they can also bring joy.

“ ‘What am I without you?’ ‘Yourself.’ “

(Dream SMP, the disc finale)

Wow. Especially for all of the people out here who have always been part of a duo, where it’s the two of you together so often, people start to treat you the same. You link your sense of identity in with that person, and it becomes a large part of who you are. But I love the way that Tubbo responded to this, simply going “yourself”. It’s such a foreign concept to people who are super close with another person, to be seen as separate from them. Ultimately if you take it all away, Tubbo is right. You are your own person, separate of the people around you and you have the freedom to be whatever you want to be. I just think it’s a good thing for people to hear, and be reminded that although the people they surround themselves with can be major parts of their lives, underneath all of that they are still their own person.

[poesparakeet-fics]

The hurt/comfort fill from the prompt votes. (Accepting submissions re: names. The prompt Olympics? But you don't really vote for the Olympics. Idk. Help.)

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series) Summary:

After the Mighty Nein are saved by some of Caleb’s most dangerous spell craft, they’re left to nurse their repeatedly self-sacrificing wizard back to health. In the end, they give him everything he asks for and more. For his own good, of course.

This one’s SFW, so the whole text is under the break. Or go read it on AO3! You have options!

The Nuclear Option

For once, the Mighty Nein were ready.

They knew what the spell could do. They’d run drills on how to use it, this hair-trigger safety net of destruction. Caleb made them practice the dry-run over and over. So when it happened for real, this time, they were ready. Unlike most of the plans the Mighty Nein concocted, this one went off without a hitch.

They were a mile underground if they were an inch. More chittering voices were flooding in from all sides. Beau and Veth were down, balanced in a still-raging Yasha’s arms as she tore herself away from battle at the sound of Caleb’s voice.

“Nein! Gather!”

With Yasha carrying the two unconscious women, they all made it to his side, grouped carefully close with Caleb at the centre, hands pressed over their ears. 

“Foris” The incantation was followed by  a moment of vacuous silence, like all the sound had been sucked out of the air. Light seemed to collect on Caleb’s skin until he was a pillar of radiance, and then–

Boom.

The sound rattled in their skulls even as they were magically sucked away from it. All the air was gone, it was hard to breath, each heartbeat could be felt in their temples. Then relief. Breathing and tumbling onto soft carpet. Jester was crying. Caduceus was doing a headcount.

“We’re good,” He pants, “we have everyone. Here, uh, I’ve just got little stuff but we can rest now.” He started to cast, and Beau’s eyes fluttered open while Yasha kissed her hair.

“Don’t use them on Caleb!” Jester cried, “Don’t forget, they’ll hurt him!”

“No, no, just these two. Someone put the wizard in a bed, get the water boiling…” He cast on Veth, too, who popped up a moment later.

Mollymauk, perhaps the most hurt out of all those who made the trip conscious, collapsed on his back on one of the hearthside furs with a pained groan. Yasha crawled over a moment later, leaving a recovering Beau to gulp from a waterskin. She laid her hands on him, and a few of his smallest injuries healed up. 

“Oh…” He groaned. “Thank you, love.”

“Might as well use them on someone.” Their eyes met in mirrored worry. 

In the meantime, Veth had crawled over to Caleb and cradled his head. The problem with turning yourself into a planar bomb was really all in the side-effects. Caleb was unconscious. His lips were blue and frost gathered at the corners of his hairline and on his lashes. Arcane sparks were still shooting along his skin, following the path of his vascular system. Any additional magic now had a decent chance of stopping his heart, or worse.

Fjord started to build a better fire and boil water. Their little safehouse had a long, wide hearth surrounded by fine fur bedrolls and fluffy pillows. One large wooden bed lined the back wall, and a kitchen table long enough to fit them all filled the far end.

A fretting Jester dragged Caleb over to the large bed closest to the hearth, hurriedly pulling his coat off. Every piece of fabric she tugged away was frozen stiff, and when she got down to the last layers she grew gentle, worried for his skin.

Veth hopped up on the bed next to them, yanking the blankets down to make room. Together they bundled him in. Veth grabbed furs from nearest the hearth and piled them on top too. 

Fjord appeared with several rubber-stoppered skins in his arms, each filled with hot water. He pulled back the blankets to place one on Caleb’s chest and arrange the others around him before tucking the wizard back in and pulling the still-sniffling Jester into his arms. 

“All here.” He murmured into her hair. “All alive.”

Caduceus sat down on the opposite edge of the bed, his hands reaching for Caleb’s underneath the covers to press icy fingers between his warm palms. Caleb’s breathing hitched into what could have been a sigh of comfort. 

The game was waiting, now. Something they were not used to, having travelled for so long with two powerful clerics. They ate, some of them bathed, and they fell into an exhausted silence.

Caduceus worked carefully, applying a balm to frostbitten fingers and toes, as well as Caleb’s nose and ears for good measure. 

Veth helped Caduceus before curling up at the foot of the bed, just like the old days.

Jester and Fjord sat next to him on the bed, her entirely in his arms, both watching and waiting. Catching their breath.

Beau lay collapsed and half-asleep by the hearth, Yasha sitting next to her with one big hand slowly, rhythmically rubbing her back.

Mollymauk crawled under the covers with Caleb, fresh from a steaming bath with all of his already-plentiful infernal body heat. It earned them their first real sign of stirring when he tugged Caleb into his arms and the man mumbled in unintelligible Zemnian through a relieved sigh.

The little sound was enough to make them all look up. Something about it broke the heavy, cold feeling of waiting, and let the rush of relief that they’d all made it and they were all alive pour through.

Caduceus made tea. 

Veth started to snore.

Jester wiped her eyes and crawled out of Fjord’s lap to take a bath. Then she put her warm self on Caleb’s other side, Fjord budging up behind her.

Yasha lay down next to Beau, letting the monk wrap around her while she pulled the furs across them both with a sigh.

Molly shivered for a bit in the burrowing embrace of a frozen, half-dead wizard before Caleb’s skin temperature evened out, as did everyone’s breathing. They slept.

The bed wasn’t actually big enough for four people, was the thing. It’s what led to Fjord rolling out of bed in the morning with a groan, one hand moving to support his back as he hobbled over to the dining table where tea and toast was starting to make an appearance. Jester followed, a healing word passing between them with a chuckle.

Mollymauk woke at the commotion and witnessed the fluttering of bright blue eyes from the wizard drooling on his chest. It took a second for Caleb’s eyes to focus, his gaze meeting Molly’s..

“Hello!” Molly murmured quietly. 

“Hi.” Caleb returned, face twisting into a grimace the second he tried to move.

Molly supported him by the shoulders to help him get comfortable. He moved like a rusted Golem, every joint and muscle pulling a groan or whimper from deep in his chest. They finally got him onto his back, Molly helping him prop himself up with pillows.

“Did it work?” Caleb rasped.

Molly gave an irritated sigh. “Yes, your bloody martyr spell worked.” Then his face softened a little. “Thank-you.”

…

The point of the teleportation bomb was to let them escape, alive, while leaving a firestorm of damage in their wake. It had worked perfectly, no matter Molly’s bitching about Caleb’s ‘martyr complex’. He was alive, so if he was a martyr he was a bad one.

The spell was… unpleasant, for the caster. It collected every little bit of latent energy, most particularly heat, and used it to ignite an explosive force. He wondered if they could go back and see what damage they’d done to the caves. The aberrations there certainly hadn’t survived, but he was curious to know if the cavern did. Even if the Nein didn’t want to, Essek might help him check.

Caduceus had a theory that the Bomb spell also collected chemical energy, meaning it sapped all of Caleb’s body’s resources. It was his explanation for why every muscle ached afterward. It was also, Caleb suspected, a convenient excuse to force food on him. Which would happen momentarily, from the smell of Caduceus’ soup on the hearth.

In the meantime he was propped up on pillows, eyes closed with his head rocked back in ecstasy. His lips parted with a small groan. Fine-boned tiefling fingers held his hand, thumbs rubbing firmly at the small muscles and tendons from fingertip to wrist. The smaller muscles were always the most painful, and his fingers had suffered the cold as well. The massage ached and tingled, but the flood of endorphins that came from the relief provided drowned any unpleasantness out nicely.

“Does it hurt?” Molly asked.

“Yes.” Caleb sighed.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No.”

Molly chuckled, crawling over him to take his other hand and start the process over again. A kindness. If his hands worked he could read, write. Entertain himself for the few more hours that the magic was still battering his system, before Cad and Jester could heal him up safely.

Jester appeared at the foot of the bed with a pounce and a bounce.

“Oh, poor Caleb! Here, let me he– Hey!“

Caleb’s eyes shot open, his legs bending to snatch his feet away from Jester’s clutches. 

“Nein– absolutely not–”

“But you’re letting Molly help!” Jester whined.

“I assure you I wouldn’t trust him there either.” 

“But whyyyyy?”

Caleb’s face broke into an exasperated smile. “Because I am not fool enough to let a tiefling handle my feet–”

“Rude!”

“Fine then, how about ‘because I have long term memory’ and ‘I occasionally learn from past mistakes and experiences’, hmm?”

“Humph. Still rude.”

“Or…” Fjord walked up to join them, bearing soup for Caleb. He delivered it before turning around and swinging Jester up into his arms. “Completely reasonable and good thinking. He’s still hurt. You can tickle him after he’s better.”

Fjord carried a giggling and protesting Jester over to the table for dinner. If Caleb had the strength, he would have tossed a pillow at their backs. 

Drinking the soup was a lot like the massage. He had it from one of Caduceus’ huge earthen teacups, so warm that it scalded his hands a little. The liquid itself felt molten, like it was cutting through his frozen insides. It hurt a little, but the near-instant relief from the bone-deep chill of the spell’s after effects made him savor it. 

Molly’s hands– also hot against too-cold skin– started to work on the larger muscles at his shoulders as he drank, planting the occasional kiss on top of Caleb’s head. Once the soup was done and the world started to haze in the warm, bright way it only did around the Nein, Caleb gave up the cup to Caduceus and burrowed into Molly’s arms once more.

The tiefling shivered. “It really is upsetting that you’re still so cold. Like you’re dead and we just haven’t noticed yet.”

“It fades when the arcane disturbance does.” Caleb mumbled into his chest before shifting to hide a coy smile in Molly’s shirt. “Would a corpse do this?”

Admittedly icy fingers, now functioning for all of Molly’s hard work, started to spider-climb up Molly’s side.

“Ha! Heh. You do realize– hehe– that your tickle immunity ends the sehehecond someone can lay a heal on you?”

“Mhmm.” Caleb mumbled, his eyes closed in an entirely false show of angelic sleep while his fingers kept teasing Molly under the covers, “sounds like I better enjoy it while I can, ja?”

Molly still wasn’t quite laughing, just breathless and twitchy, still holding Caleb in his arms. “Oh me oh my, your future self is gonna– heh!– regret this grave you’re digging, dear.”

“If he had a ticklish tiefling who couldn’t retaliate, I think he’d do the same.”

“Heh– haha! Has it been so long? Are ya just aching to be tickled out of your keeheeheen little mind that bad?”

Caleb just gave him a smug little smile and tweaked his hips. The human man’s fingers started to slip and slow as his exhaustion took over, and soon he was asleep with his face buried in Molly’s chest once more.

He woke up pressed between two tieflings. It felt a bit like being wrapped in a sauna. He was drooling on Molly’s chest again, with Jester’s softness pressed against his back. Was he overheating? He sat up, pushing the many layers of blankets and furs away. The air felt refreshing, cool against his skin. His muscles still ached, but his skin was still, free of the arcane sparks.

“Do you feel better, Caleb?”

He quickly realized that both tieflings were looking at him, having interrupted the conversation they’d been having quietly over his sleeping form. 

“Ja. Still sore, but the cold is gone. I think the sparks as well?” He extended his limbs to show her.

“Yeah, I think they’re gone! Here, let me take care of the rest.” 

He looked around while she cast, catching sight of a card game over at the table that was getting a little rowdy as several bickering quips were traded between players. Caduceus was watching, looking very amused but without cards of his own. 

The Heal spell done, Caleb tested his muscles and joints. “Much better Jester, thank you.”

“So, you’re all better?”

“Ja I think–” 

Caleb cut himself off with a wince, not even making an effort to try and avoid the two-tiefling tackle that upended him. He wound up on his stomach, each leg pinned with a tiefling body while whip-quick tails took turns poking his sides and ribs.

“So, we obviously need to talk about how rude it was, when Caleb said we couldn’t be trusted!”

“Aye, that was mighty rude.”

The tails prodding at his back and ribs already had Caleb jittery. “S-so you’re going to prove me wrong, ja? By being very trustworthy and nice?”

“Sure we’ll be nice,” Molly said with a smile that was anything but, “we’re gonna give you exactly what you were askin’ for.”

One of Jester’s pointed nails circled his heel. “Can you feel that OK, Caleb? Any numbness?”

“Ha! N-no they’re fine!”

“And how about here?” Molly teased, one finger tracing an arch.

“Ah! No! I’m fhihihine, they’re fine, please!”

“We have to check them over carefully Caleb. To prove how responsible and trustworthy we are!”

“Nein!”

Then they were both tickling the balls of his feet, and Caleb’s attempts to hold it together collapsed into a mound of cackles. His upper body jackknifed and flapped, expressing the desperate squirming his pinned legs couldn’t.

At some point Molly’s tail had managed to slip up the loaner shirt Caleb was wearing (much too large) and start writhing underneath his belly like a snake. Caleb wailed like he was dying, trying to paw at the tail under his shirt without being able to roll over.

“Hey! Uh… you did heal him first, right?” Cad strolled over to them and away from the increasingly loud card game.

“Yes of course! Now we’re just making sure it worked!”

“It worked! Bitte, bitte!  Pleaheeheese!” Caleb cried through his laughter, one hand reaching out to Cad in desperation before yanking the arm back with a yelp to try and block Molly’s tail as it tried to crawl into his armpit.

Cad watched Caleb laugh for a moment, seeming thoughtful. 

“You know,” he finally spoke, directing it at the tieflings, “It’s really the toes you’ve gotta worry about, with frostbite.”

“Nein!” Caleb cried before they even started. “Mercy!”

“Ooh what a good idea Caduceus! Caleb, what about this toe, can you feel this one?”

The only answer was a squeal like a rusty door hinge and increasingly desperate laughter. The process continued with two more toes before they got bored and went to town.

Caleb was so busy burying his face in the blankets and beating his palms helplessly against the mattress that he almost didn’t notice Cad lower his large frame onto the bed beside him. He didn’t have the breath to talk, so he just mouthed “Why!?”

Caduceus chuckled, leaning in close to rumble in Caleb’s ear.

“You know I don’t approve of martyrdom.”

Then there were thick, soft, careful fingers combing Caleb’s ribs, and he was lost to hysteria. 

At some point beyond the edge of Caleb’s conscious thought, Cad called the tieflings off, citing exhaustion. At some point they pulled Caleb back under the blankets. At some point he fell back asleep to the sounds of tea, a raucous card game and quiet conversation. 

Lucky martyr.

[llendrinall]

What would Harry and Draco be like if they were parents? How would your take on it be from their child/ren's birth to adulthood?

Sorry if my English doesn't sound right.

Well, on the one hand I don’t think either of them would want to have children. Or rather, neither wants to be a parent. Harry knows too well what a bad childhood does to you and I imagine he would be terrified at the prospect of something happening to Draco and him and leaving his child an orphan. Sure, Ron and Hermione would take that hypothetical kid, but what if something happened to them too? And to the rest of the Weasleys? And Luna? And Neville? What would happen to the kid them? James and Lily gave Harry a godfather and it didn’t stop Harry from growing up in an abusive home. So Harry would be super anxious about that, imagining more and more elaborate scenarios in which anyone remotely capable of raising a kid without giving them life-long trauma would be unavailable, and Harry’s kid would end up in hard and uncaring hands, just like Harry and Neville.

(And I’m sure Neville doesn’t help on that respect when he says he won’t be having kids and if he has any, he wants them to have their mother surname. No Longbottom will have a claim to them).

Draco knows his parenting role models are awful. He was extremely spoiled while also suffering immense pressure. Draco got all the candy and gifts he ever wanted, but he was also expected to excel at school, be a powerful wizard and become a Death Eater. It’s not that he doesn’t have a frame of reference, it’s that the one he has is really, really, bad. How do you go not giving your child a mix of anxiety and self-absorption? He would sure like to know.

On the other hand, I’m sure that Harry will adopt anyone who stands still long enough. He is not one to let pain make him hard and cold. Rather, his suffering made him more compassionate.

So he and Draco would eventually adopt a kid (or two or three). Although they might also get an accidental biological magical child too. Let’s give the kid a name, just to make writing easier. Say, Celeste. Celeste the most likely adopted, but still possibly biological magical child.

Celeste would be happy and loved. Probably an only-child for a long time, because both Harry and Draco would still be scared at the notion of parenthood. Celeste would learn quickly to entertain themselves and relate to adults better than to other children.

Harry would stress about Celeste’s wellbeing and having them be self-reliable. Draco would insist on letting the child express themselves and find their own interests. There would be a lot of mistakes and doubts, but overall they would do fine.

Celeste would grow up under the assumption that candy exists only as a Weasley family tradition. Like, candy is something that the Weasleys do but no other household has it. Celeste has certainly never seen a candy treat that didn’t come from Weasley hands.

It’s because Draco has this weird crusade against treats. He got so many as a child! It’s a wonder Draco didn’t develop an eating disorder. There were many other aspects where Draco was spoiled silly, but since he wants Celeste to have a broom and learn to fly young, and also play an instrument and what’s the word? A game-boy, Celeste ought to play muggle games too, Draco is focusing on treats and candy which are completely banned at their household. The Weasleys just ignore the prohibition. It evens out. Celeste has some candy, but not as much as they would otherwise get.

I love the idea of Celeste developing magic (especially if they are some sort of magical biological child, because people would see them as Potter 3.0 Malfoy edition) receiving the Hogwarts letter, going to Diagon Alley to buy a wand, everything, all the little traditions and rituals, and once they arrive to Hogwarts… they don’t like it. Beautiful magical place, yes, but it’s still a boarding school. Putting aside that everyone, from teachers to students, looks at them weird because of who Celeste’s parents are, Celeste misses home, isn’t making friends because it takes them a while to open up and overall is having a bad time.

So Harry and Draco take Celeste back home. No questions. Their child wrote saying they didn’t like it there, so Harry and Draco removed their child from that situation immediately. There is no reason they can’t apparate every day for lessons and even if there were, even if there were all kind of obstacles… Their child wrote asking for help and harry and Draco want to do better.

They take Celeste home, where Celeste has all their stuff, is happy and can see Oso. (Oso is the family dog. A huge mastiff so called after a picture in a children’s book. The picture was of a bear, but to be honest Oso does look like a bear to any well informed three-year old).

Of course Hogwarts doesn’t agree with the new arrangement. Harry reminds them that on Halloween of his first year they had a troll roaming inside and things only got worse after that. Harry is told that most of those unfortunate events where a consequence of Voldemort. Nowadays Hogwarts is perfectly safe and perhaps Harry is letting his anxieties take undue hold of him.

“What about the student bullying?” Harry says, with heroic calm. He would rather set the desk on fire.

“What about it? There are centaurs in the forest, but no bulls, I assure you, and as you well known, Mr Potter, students are prohibited from wandering the forest. I do think you are seeing threats where there are none”.

Ah, of course. The wizarding world isn’t familiar with the concept of “bullying”. The application and execution, they know it well, but they don’t’ have a word for what is considered normal conduct.

Celeste attends the rest of the year as if it were a normal school, which is widely criticized although there are also many other parents interested.

And then… The academic year ends and Celeste drops out of Hogwarts. The whole wizarding world comes to a stop, although one should specify that in this case “the whole wizarding world” means “English wizarding society”. The continent doesn’t care if a child attends school or not. Welsh and Scotland care, but not enough to come to a halt. They do discuss it, but they go on with their business. It’s the English wizards who seem to have a problem with it. From September to December the papers write about nothing else.

The things is, Celeste has acquired some of Harry’s anxieties and is concerned with how little they were learning at Hogwarts. A lot of magic, yes, but nothing on language (and Celeste loves reading and learning languages) and even less about math. Not that Celeste likes math, but they worry about not knowing how to adequately manage the family fortune when their parents are gone. You know how wealth does not last three generations? Well, it certainly won’t if Celeste doesn’t learn how to balance expenses. Celeste wants to learn enough that they won’t be vulnerable to their solicitor., and when they put it that way even his gransfather has to admit there is a point.

(And maybe Harry failed Celeste here, letting his child worry so much about becoming an orphan, but Harry routinely receives dead threats and Draco has suffered two attempts on his life, so).

Harry couldn’t be more proud. No benevolent-looking wizard will take advantage of Celeste. Draco is also very happy because Celeste’s muggle school has art lessons in the curriculum and they have Drama as an extra-curricular. Celeste doesn’t want to sign to Theatre, but the mere fact it’s there pleases Draco immensely.

The ministry makes Celeste sits the OWLs in order to keep their wand. There are parents asking about educations alternatives, so the Ministry hopes that once Celeste fails people will accept Hogwarts as it comes, none of that day-school nonsense and hiring qualified teachers.

Except muggle school prepares you really well for the study process (or maybe, it simply prepares you better than magical schools do) so Celeste excels at the written exams. They do really, really, well, which is something Hermione Granger had been predicting for the last four years but nobody listened to her, so she is even more chuffed than Harry and Draco. Hermione has won sixteen different bets and is going to bring parliamentary reform to the education system.

Celeste’s spell work could see some improvement, but they have no trouble conjuring a corporeal patronus and that still qualifies as an automatic O in DADA. With that and some luck in Transfigurations, Celeste graduates Hogwarts having only attended a year. Lucius Malfoy, who is still racist but above all is a social creature and social climber, gives a week-long ball to celebrate his grandchild academic achievement. He also gifts Celeste a summer trip around Europe. Correction, because Lucius knows both Harry and Draco, but specially Draco, are very strict with gifts, he makes a donation to Celeste’s school language club. Did Lucius pay so thirty-odd muggle teenagers can spend three weeks around Europe practicing their foreign languages? Why, he sure did. And you won’t disappoint said children, will you Draco? I will take the money back if you ask me to, but little Prisha will be crushed.

There is a Prisha in Celeste’s school. Lucius is either weirdly stalkerish or paying attention to Celeste.

So maybe Celeste has inherited some anxieties and complexes, like many children do, but Lucius has become a better person and a pretty cool grandfather, so overall I think Harry and Draco are good parents.

[starlightshore]

Is there any evidence that Chara is an abuse victim? It's a very popular headcanon and I want to understand why

hrm. ok let me preface this with a couple of things: one, i actually answered this same question a couple weeks ago (week ago? time means nothing to me) on AFR but i got triggered by continuous use of the topic and people wouldn’t stop talking after i asked multiple times for us to stop. (no bad blood to anyone involved) this is only relevant because its the same question, and I want to make it clear I am fine with talking about this topic, and I will say if or when it’s stressing me out. I am not against talking about dark themes, and at the moment I am calm and fine.

I want everyone to know that this is a triggering topic and i specifically am susceptible to this and it’s surrounding themes, so please try to read the room I’m creating on this topic and give me the proper space.

i say that all ahead of time because I do not want to get triggered or talk about child abuse/death/suicide at length. this ask is fine. maybe a couple more if it’s brief and not asking me to do further research.

secondly, I want to talk about UT canon real quick. UT, for the most part, relies on text to spell out it’s history and world. characters don’t walk on screen and say: I’m Chara Dreemurr. I was born on September 15th 2003. I’m nonbinary and use they/them.” like no, characters live in the moment and yes their past define them, but they got bigger things to worry about and talk about current things. maybe they’ll refer to past things, but never bluntly.

--putting under read more. discussion of child abuse, self harm, and other ingame dark topics. This is mainly a character analysis

So, either you infer from what’s available or you search the wiki/playthrough/text dumps. The very act of playing no mercy route has lore in itself, if you account for player theory and other factors I’m not getting into here. Anyway, Undertale is a very Deep and loaded game with lots of world building built into every nook and cranny. (just spend 5 minutes on semi-frequent undertale facts if you’re curious to this rabbit hole)

Anyway point being, Chara is the narrator. this is fact. “it’s me, Chara.” They outright say it. I hate when people call it theory when it’s more explicit than most things in game.

anyway, the main flavor text i want to point to is this:

* "Faded Ribbon" - Armor DF 3 * If you're cuter, monsters  won't hit you as hard. 

So here’s a couple things I want to talk about first. Yes, monsters fight and that is normal.

* But they will never know  the joy of expressing  themselves through magic.* They'll never get a bullet-   pattern birthday card... 

It’s 10000% likely that Chara dealt with monster fights when alive. And that most likely lead to culture shock and confusion, but with Toriel (lmao, she outright scares off a froggit from Frisk) by their side and being a royal, I highly doubt they were in any danger in that household.

point being, yes, monsters could of hurt them, I would think this mindset is more directed to humanity, rather than monsterkind. You can read it more bluntly that it’s about monsters after all, t does specify monsters here. My counter point is that is to foreshadow how monsters are weaker beings who are more in-tuned with their magic-based bodies and are susceptible to intent, and likewise their magic reflects their own intent.

So yeah, I think it reflects to Chara’s general history and mindset to wanting to appear more tolerable to avoid pain, be it physical abuse or fear of being human. Chara, who calls themself a demon and hated humanity passionately, would be fully aware they are human. When welcomed to a very loving monster family, they didn’t want to ruin the prophetic angelic image they placed on them. They knew with their own imperfect behavior, that they were doomed to fail them.

This can be inferred from how both Toriel and Asgore wear the deltarune (Toriel’s robes, Asgore’s armor makes the wings and their homes in both games have the symbol). Gerson talks about how either the Deltarune Angel (someone who has seen the surface and returned) would either free them or destroy them all. Chara, who the underground believed to be that Angel, was put on this huge pedestal that clearly both parent’s believed in.

We know Toriel represents Integrity,

* someone who sincerely  likes bad jokes...* has an integrity  you can't say  "no" to. 

(along with being refereed to in the blue color of text)

and by both (points in DR’s direction) and this line from her when allowing Frisk to go past the ruins:

My expectations... My loneliness... My fear...For you, my child... I will put them aside.

Toriel says expectations first. It’s clearly a huge part of her motivation. I absolutely see how this pressure not only was put on Chara, but Asriel as well. This isn’t a hate letter to Toriel btw, but rather an examination of her parenting that led to the main tragedy of the game. It’s a cautionary tale. Toriel was not prepared for adopting a suicidal preteen.

speaking of which! back to the whole point of this post.

* I know why (Chara) climbed the mountain.

*(Chara) hated humanity.* Why they did, they  never talked about  it.* But they felt very strongly about  that.

 Now I want to say that Chara hating humanity enough to run away to kill themself doesn’t strictly mean they were abused, but wow! Chara is seriously mentally ill (and frankly, yes, children can be are suicidal) and I don’t think that level of suffering happens for no reason.

* The ends of the tools have  been filed down to  make them safer.* Seems like gardening tools.

* Where are the knives.

The gardening tools in Toriel’s home are dulled and there are no knives in the kitchen. These are actions one takes when their child self harms, this isn’t precautions based in them being literal infants. Chara I imagine was closer to 10/12 age range than Baby. (what baby knows what a tsundere is?)

All these paint a picture of a child who self harms, who violently hates humanity and wanted to kill their (likely) abusers. I’ve also seen someone suggest the fact that FIGHT is your first option in the game in itself reflects how Chara’s first instinct is to Fight first. Both Frisk and Chara are heavily influenced by the player’s actions (both literal and in a parental/guardian like influence) and we see this thru Chara’s outlook changes depending on LV, as well how Frisk feels about violence. (dogfood bag being half full/empty, punching mad dummy in the dump)

Using the themes of the game and backstory/context, we can see how Chara has been taught violence as a viable option. I’d link that more to their pre-underground as Monsterkind as a society preaches mercy and uses bullets not as a murderous tool, but as self expression.

Again, I don’t want to say that just because a child is mentally ill and self harms, doesn’t mean they were abused but I don’t think it’s out of line as a reasoning for it. Yes, sometimes you’re just born with such mental illness, but I choose to interpret the faded ribbon dialogue + their own desire to fight/kill as something taught by example. It fits the themes. It’s more realistic to see Chara as someone who’s been hurt and has learned to hurt in return. (AND that does not mean abuse victims are therefore doomed to become abusers! chara is a child first and thru the pacifist route they’re just as merciful as Frisk! It’s a character arc)

and just to be absolutely clear because I KNOW how tumblr handles nuance sometimes, I am speaking as a former abused and suicidal child. Making that clear that when I say this is how I read the text, it’s not just me speculating on the game’s content but on a real life knowledge of how this shit works. Chara very, very much reads an abused and depressed child who just wanted to fulfill the prophecy for the sake of their family’s freedom.

With almost killing Asgore on accident, Chara realizes that they are an evil human and the only way to free their people is to die violently. (don’t look up buttercup poisoning side effects, it’s bad.) Chara didn’t need to die to escape. They could of killed any of the dreemurrs, but they chose to die horrifically. It’s common for those who are suicidal that they’ll want to die before people see them in a negative light.

also couldn’t really fit this earlier but hell, this is long anyway so I might as well say this here. I think we can also infer Chara’s hatred for humanity grew with learning the history of monsterkind. The books harshly say human souls are different and it’s possible they may not even naturally have compassion and love, or at least, are not required to have it. Humans sealed monsters underground and commited actual genocide against them. (and i don’t use that word lightly. the no mercy route isn’t a genocide, please don’t use that term for that. esp don’t lighten such a heavy and real-word term to a frickin video game route oh my god)

We have this repeating theme of society’s influence on children and how cycles of pain continue. What is “in this world, it’s kill-or-be-killed“ but a statement on society? I’ve discussed before that I think it’s very likely Chara said those words to Asriel as they were being murdered, and how the very system that put Chara into this path was human society that both failed Chara and monsterkind all those years ago. The game’s message is that you must not kill, and you must not be killed in return. That there is a third option, and that even in dire circumstances if you use 7 virtues and are determined enough, you can avoid war and make peace. This isn’t to say self defense is bad, Undyne the Undyning is framed as a hero, and cruel/corrupt rulers should be disposed of (king spade)

this got a little off topic but I thought it was fun to write about. The game’s main theme is built around that phrase, it’s Asriel’s character arc of him learning thru Frisk/Chara/Player that in this world, despite everything, you don’t have to kill or be killed.

TLDR; Chara is implied to hate humanity so strongly they were willing to die horrifically to free monsterkind and fulfill the angel’s prophecy. the game depicts them as a very mentally ill child and with the addition of the faded ribbon text + desire to FIGHT, Chara likely learned this mindset before falling underground. looking at the themes of the game and chara’s backstory, we can infer and take a guess at who they were and what the game is trying to say. Undertale is a good game and has a good moral. That’s my TedTalk