#I love how meta's pose turned out here

[glazedcroissant]

I absolutely adore the meta knight battle in the forgotten land

Speedpaint pspsps

[beautifulhigh]

Hi hi!! It's unfair of me to ask you to actually write the full essay on the rwrb red room kiss scene, but I saw your tags and am very interested in at least what the main thesis would be, if you feel like sharing!! No worries if not 😊 Have a good night/day/whatever time it is where you are!

The last few weeks have been, well. They've Been™ and I'm going to use this wonderful ask to dust off my overthinking tag and write a meta post on this movie, these boys, and then hope more than three people care what I have to say.

The Red Room kiss scene is Iconic™ and Important™ and in this essay I (really) will discuss agency, framing, and why it always had to be Alex to be the one to make the move.

While book!Alex takes book!Henry to the Red Room, here he's waiting. Bundle of nervous energy. He doesn't know what to do with himself, how to hold himself, how to present himself when Henry turns up. He's backlit in this (which is a theatre technique, I see you Matthew) but it also adds to the drama and tension of the scene.

The (in)famous painting of Hamilton, about to bear witness to things.

We jump cut between Alex trying to find... something. Here he is realising his shirt has come slightly undone and he wants to try and be somewhat presentable. At least for the moment. But it speaks to Alex's physicality in this scene because he is shifting and moving so much that his clothing is shifting. There's also an interpretation that this suit represents the formality of the situation - the Prime Minister's dinner, at which he (the First Son) and the boy he wants to kiss (the actual Prinec) are supposed to be front and centre and the picture of formality.

He's coming undone in this moment because he's the First Son and he's waiting for the Prince, but he's also Alex and he's waiting for Henry.

Ah, yes. The casual lean against the wall. Fancy seeing you here, your Royal Highness, what do you think of the menu? But there's grounding here too. When you're spiralling focusing on a physical point of contact between you and and something can help ground you.

It's also a defensive stance in a way. You shall not pass, I'm not moving. Alex is claiming space and territory and he's controlling it.

"How dare you fucking kiss me, run away, ghost me, then walk into the White House like nothing changed." This is closed off, defensive, protective - probably why it's the quickest of the poses to be dismissed. He's got his back against the wall like he's scared or ready to come out fighting. And, in a way, both of those are true.

Book!Alex is mid-crisis on his bisexuality and while he logically knows he is very much into Henry, he's not gotten to the point of turning theory into reality.

Movie!Alex is more chill about being into guys, but this attraction to Henry is confusing him. He hates the guy. He wants to punch him in the mouth. With his mouth.

(What? That's literally book canon: and if he weren’t already hell-bent on destroying Henry’s infuriating idiot face with his mouth right now, he would consider doing it with his fist.)

Casual lean against the table, less staged and jarring than the extended arm against the wall.

But then Henry walks in and Alex stands to attention and he is... rapt. He is calm and composed and he is focused. We're back to the back-lit position which helps frame him with a near-halo effect.

And you can see that he is relaxed. There's a slight drop in the jaw, his shoulders are sloped and rounded. Because none on what he was trying to convey before matters. Henry is here.

"Look" he starts with - he's expecting a fight. He's expecting Alex to go off on one for the kiss, for the liberty taken. Even if Alex is willing to forget that it ever happened, take Henry's secret to the grave, Henry gets one thing right in this.

"my behaviour was appalling"

Because it was. Look, Hen, I love you and I'm with Alex in the feeling that I will go to war for you to see you happy and safe. But you did kinda kiss him without consent (harsh reading) and you did ghost him without apology (soft reading) and for a boy raised in the Royal Household that... well... it's pretty much top items on the Very Bad Behaviour list. He did not act with decorum or dignity, he did not act in the way that his status and position demands.

(That's OK, Hen. Because the boy under the linden tree wasn't the Prince. It's OK to not be him, and Alex is going to spend the rest of his life loudly loving the man, not the prince.)

"Shut up, stop talking." // “Shut up, shut all the way up, oh my God,” Alex hisses

Because even though both versions of Alex said he wanted to talk to Henry, in the moment that's the last thing he wants to do. And actions speak louder than words, right?

Why it had to be Alex

Henry needed to make the first move, that New Year's kiss, because there needed to be something to make Alex realise that this thing he's feeling is very much reciprocated, and that Henry wants it too. If Alex had kissed Henry for the first time on New Year's Eve/Day then it would have been too much of a leap. Alex, at whatever stage of his bisexual journey, has no clear idea of Henry's orientation at that party. It's only with retrospective viewing that he realises that Henry was low-key flirting, and that the sharing of these deeply personal moments wasn't just a "two bros in a hot tub" thing.

So Henry had to kiss Alex first but then he had to run because there was no way that the mostly-closeted, private Prince could accept that a) he fucking kissed a boy, b) said boy is the one he's been dreaming of since Rio/Melbourne, and c) the boy kinda?? kissed him back?? Henry will have been having a low-grade anxiety attack all through January (and trying to reclaim some control with the date he went on in the book).

In this moment, Alex knows all the pieces. He's played this logic game to its conclusion and he knows all the facts. 1) Henry is gay. 2) Henry is into him. 3) He's into Henry. That last fact is something Henry isn't fully aware of (or at least can't bring himself to believe it to be true) and so it has to be Alex.

He doesn't want Henry to say something that would get in the way of this, doesn't want to hear any kind of pre-prepared speech of "yeah, we're better off as friends" that always happens when the couple get too close to getting together too early in the run time. Alex is full on shutting that down, shutting Henry up, and he gives as good as he got.

"Wait a minute" // Henry’s too shocked to respond, mouth falling open slackly in a way that’s more surprise than invitation, and for a horrified moment Alex thinks he calculated all wrong, but then Henry’s kissing him back, and it’s everything.

And this time it's both of them. Framed between Hamilton and the books. The American political trailblazer and the literary. In the space between? There's our boys.

Alex's hand is on the wall again and he's controlling the space but Henry is very much in it. He's protective but in a different way.

In one frantic motion, Alex knocks the candelabra off the table next to them and pushes Henry onto it so he’s sitting with his back against—Alex looks up and almost breaks into deranged laughter—a portrait of Alexander Hamilton. Henry’s legs fall open readily and Alex crowds up between them, wrenching Henry’s head back into another searing kiss. They’re really moving now, wrecking each other’s suits, Henry’s lip caught between Alex’s teeth, the portrait’s frame rattling against the wall when Henry’s head drops back and bangs into it. Alex is at his throat, and he’s somewhere between angry and giddy, caught up in the space between years of sworn hate and something else he’s begun to suspect has always been there. It’s white-hot, and he feels crazy with it, lit up from the inside. Henry gives as good as he gets, hooking one knee around the back of Alex’s thigh for leverage, delicate royal sensibilities nowhere in the cut of his teeth. Alex has been learning for a while Henry isn’t what he thought, but it’s something else to feel it this close up, the quiet burn in him, the pent-up person under the perfect veneer who tries and pushes and wants. He drops a hand onto Henry’s thigh, feeling the electrical pulse there, the smooth fabric over hard muscle. He pushes up, up, and Henry’s hand slams down over his, digging his nails in.

The sensibility of the suits is on its way out, they're not the First Son and the Prince. And Alex is taking the lead.

Agency

Henry is somewhat passive in this - although he is fully engaged - but it's Alex who set this in motion. Pun intended. Alex who pushed him against the wall. Alex who pushed him up onto the table and hiked his leg up around his hip, Alex who is driving in. Because Alex needs Henry to know that third fact. The one he's worked out, the one that Henry is just catching up with. This isn't payback, it's not some prank. Alex Wants™.

There's a scene I'm writing in my current FirstPrince WiP in which Alex and Henry have a charged moment. And Henry wants to act on it but those princely sensibilities get in the way and he can't let himself be led into doing something that could be used against him. If Henry made all the moves then the accusation of him taking advantage, of the inherant imbalance that comes with status and titles and positions of power. So in the scene, and here, Alex takes the lead. There's no way anyone could accuse Henry of forcing Alex into doing this.

(Good luck getting Alex to do ANYTHING he doesn't want to.)

So Alex gives and Henry takes and he gets the memo very quickly.

Fact number three. Alex wants this too.

Then Movie!Amy walks in on them (which IMO is way funnier than Book!Amy hissing through a crack in the door) and these idiots try to act like they weren't redefining International Relations a second ago. Alex is by the painting, Henry is by the books. They've gone back to their sides and they're playing at being interested in what they find there. But they're not, it's all for show, someone who gives a passing glance at this point sees this part of them, this side of them The First Son and the Prince: the politician and the literary.

They're both backlit, they're in line even if it doesn't look like it, Alex is no longer on Henry's right, and they're both trying to act like the people that others could see them as.

But we - and they - know better. 1) Henry is gay. 2) Henry is into Alex. 3) Alex is into Henry.

4) Everyone is on the same page now.

(Also I know Casey talked about seeing the Red Room on a White House tour and so that's why they included a scene in that room in their book, but I cannot ignore the fact that red = love and passion and danger and fire [the counter to the water motif] and it's a warm colour designed to excite.)

[jerzwriter]

A Different Fate - Final Chapter

OMG, it took me entirely too long to complete this, but I'm so happy now that it's done! I am so, so grateful to the anonymous (to you, not to me 😉) donor to the Write for Gaza project, who requested I finish this by the end of January. Well - I did it! And thank you so, so much - I can't tell you how much it means!

A Different Fate - Series Masterlist

Book: Open Heart (Post Series)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (past)

Featuring: Tobias Carrick, Sienna Trinh

Rating: Teen

Words: 3,700

Category: Short-Series/AU/Lost Love

Summary: Ethan's first attempt to talk to Casey didn't work out, but now, with Tobias & Sienna's help, will it finally work out? Or will they have to resign and accept their fate?

A/N: When I started this, it was supposed to be a one-off, and now, I'm finally done after 5 parts! It's funny how these things take on a life of their own. I know a few of you have been very anxious for this to post, and I thank you for your extraordinary patience. I hope you find it's worth it in the end! @choicesjanuary2024 Day 23 - Hope Ethan x Kaycee Masterlist | My Full Masterlist

The bus jolted forward the moment the light turned green, jostling its passengers around like dolls—every passenger except for Sienna Trinh. Growing increasingly impatient with her “charge,” she sat firmly in place, arms crossed defiantly before her chest.  

“This is a stupid idea!” She said, slapping a startled Ethan’s arm across the bus aisle.

“Oww!”

“Don’t oww, me!” She fired back. “You blew my advice off yesterday, and look how well that went. Maybe you should listen to me now.”

“I know,” Ethan droned. “But this is different.”

“Si, I have to agree with Ethan on this one,” Tobias said, his face twisting as he realized his words. “Shit! It hurt more than I expected to say that.”

“Thanks, pal.”

“Don’t mention it,” Tobias smirked. “Si, he can’t do this right now. He’d have to ambush her at work, and you see how well that went. We have a plan in place; it will be fine.”

“Normally, I’d agree with you, but I’m done tempting fate with these two. Something always goes wrong.”  

“Look, the bonehead has put it off eight years. It can wait another eight hours to ensure it’s done right.”

“You know,” Ethan interrupted, “it might be helpful if the two of you wouldn’t talk about me like I wasn’t here.”

Sienna turned to him, brow raised. “It would be great if you didn’t need the two of us here to make sure you don’t blow it!”

“She makes a point,” Tobias nodded, pleased with Ethan’s exasperation.

“Can we stick to the point?”

“The point is, you’ll speak to Kaycee tonight.”

“Yeah, after your date,” Ethan chuckled ruefully. “

“It’s not a date!” Tobias spat. “You know damn well I’m just going to the party with her to get that asshole Douglas off her back.”  

Ethan shot a half-doubtful look.

“Really?” Tobias said incredulously. “I’ve been rooting for you two since she left Boston, and this is how you treat me? Trust me, Ramsey, all Kaycee wants is you, and the last thing I’d ever want is to have you as a metamour.”

Sienna’s nose scrunched. “A meta-what?”

Tobias waved her off with a chuckle. “Trust me, Si, you’re better off not knowing. Now, stop worrying. I’ll take Kaycee to the party, give the creepy doctor a few death stares, and after a drink or two, I’ll mention you’re in town, play wingman, then you swoop in for the grand finale. We’ve got it under control.”

“Yeah,” Sienna rolled her eyes. “With you two at the wheel, what could possibly go wrong?”

~~~~~

“I’m coming!” Kaycee clumsily rushed across her apartment to answer the door, slipping into her silver heels along the way. She opened the door breathless but stunning nevertheless. “Hey,” she smiled.

A grin spread across Tobias’s face; he had forgotten how well Dr. MacClennan cleaned up. With her long blonde curls cascading over her shoulder, barely skimming the bodice of her strapless ice-blue gown, she looked more like someone who spent her day posing for Vogue than saving lives in scrubs.

“What do you think?” she grinned.

“What do I think? If this is how you look for a fake date, what the hell do you do on real ones? How many heart attacks have you been responsible for, MacClennan?” 

“Shit!” She said with a stomp of her foot. “I screwed up! I shouldn’t have brought you tonight!”

“Oh, why?”

“I should have invited Dr. Douglas himself! If I knew cardiac arrest would be the result, well, that would be one way to be rid of him.”

Tobias burst out laughing. “I forgot just how wicked you could be.”

Slipping an earring in, she winked. “I’d feel guilty about it ten minutes later. Not guilty enough to start CPR, but guilty all the same."

"Well, I'm happy to provide a less lethal way of getting rid of Dr. Jackass.”

She grabbed her clutch off the side table and looked at Tobias, casually leaning against the door.   She swore he hadn’t aged a day, still wearing that signature confident swagger as well as he wore his dark, tailor-made suit. She crossed her arms and shook her head disapprovingly.

“What?” He asked, checking his attire to see if something was wrong. “Do I not clean up as well as you?”

“Too well. If word gets out that I’m dating you, no one will ask me out again. They’d be afraid of the competition.”

He chuckled softly, visions of Ethan in his mind. “Well, let’s hope it won’t come to that.”

Stepping to Kaycee’s side, he offered his arm. “Shall we?”

“Let’s go!”

~~~~~

The party was exactly what one would expect to cap off the career of a renowned doctor from one of the top hospitals in the world. The rooftop ballroom’s floor-to-ceiling windows provided a panoramic view of the City’s famed skyline; fairy lights scattered throughout the room illuminated it with an ethereal glow. Warm notes from the piano wafted through the air, competing with the gentle hum of convivial chatter as tuxedoed waiters distributed flutes of  Dom Perignon. Tobias and Kaycee were on a mission and played the part of an enamored new couple so well that they earned envious stares, not only from Dr. Douglas but from several others as well. But as much fun as that was, Tobias couldn’t get his mind off his primary goal of the night: getting Ethan and Kaycee together. He looked at his watch. She only wanted to stay two hours, and they were about to hit that mark.

“Hey,” he whispered, “Wanna take a spin around the dancefloor before we blow this joint? Make this look legit?”

Wordlessly placing her empty champagne flute on a passing waiter's tray, she took Tobias’s hand and led him to the dancefloor. Ironically, finding the most privacy they’d had all night. 

“Dancing was a good idea,” she said. “Everyone knows I wouldn’t leave a party without dancing... and it’s not like you’re a stick in the mud that would refuse me.”

“Kacyee, it would be difficult for anyone to refuse you.”

“Yeah,” she smiled sadly, “You’d be surprised.”

“I don’t know about that. For Christ's sake, you used to get Ramsey to dance back in the day. I thought only an act of God could accomplish that!”

Kaycee’s body tensed, and her feet seemed to forget what they were supposed to do. As she stood still on the dance floor, Tobias looked her in the eye.

“I’m sorry, did I overstep?”

Kaycee shook her head and continued to dance. “It’s been so nice seeing you, but it takes me back, and sometimes, that can be hard, you know?”

“Yeah, I do. It takes me back, too, but is that such a bad thing? We had some good times.”

“Ha! It all depends,” she chuckled. “Do you have a time machine? Because I’d be happy to go back, but only if I could write a different fate.”   

“I can’t do that,” he sighed. “Not the time machine part, but... maybe I can help with the different fate.”

Her brow furrowed. “What?”

“Come on,” he said, taking her hand. “Follow me.”

Kaycee remained silent as they ran down the plushly carpeted hall. But, when they found an empty banquet room, she wanted answers.

“OK, we’re alone now. What’s going on?”

“I want to talk to you about Ethan.”

Kaycee shook her head, throwing her hands in the air in frustration.   

“We did that. We had that conversation at dinner the other night. We don’t need to do it again.”

“Did we have that conversation? Because as far as I remember, I didn’t tell you that he was here.”

“He’s what? He’s here... like in New York?”

“I’ll do one better,” he smiled. “He’s sitting at the bar in the lobby.”

Her eyes narrowed, and Tobias wasn’t sure if he saw shock or anger flickering in them.

“You told me he was in Boston. You said he refused to come with you!”

“He was. Or at least I thought he was. But when I got to my hotel that night, he was there.”

She crossed her arms smugly. “So he came to attend the conference. Right?”

“Nope. He didn’t come for the conference. He came here for you.”

“For me?” Her voice cracked. “He came here for me. Yet he’s been in town for two days and hasn’t reached out to me once.”

“Well... about that. He did. He stopped by Langone yesterday and sort of heard you tell Dr. Douglass that you had a thing... for me.”

Kaycee felt her stomach drop. “No!”

“Yes.”

“No, no, no, no! He doesn’t really think I want you, does he?”

“Hey, don’t act so disgusted!” Tobias said defensively. “Believe it or not, most people would kill to get with this... but Ethan knows you’re not one of them. I can’t give you a time machine, but you can give yourself a second chance.”

She remained silent, her heart beating faster as she stared out the window into the night.

“Tobias, it’s taken me eight years to say his name without crying. To recall our time together and feel whistful, not just sad. I’m content with my life here, and if I open that door and it slams shut once again... I don’t know that I could take it.”

“Kaycee, you’re right. Eight years have passed, and a lot has changed. Like you – you’re not a young, wide-eyed resident anymore. You have a brilliant career that can only be attributed to one thing – and that’s you. No one could dare say you made it because you were involved with him. You love each other. Why keep denying it.”

“He loves me?” She asked. “He used those exact words.”

“Well, he didn’t actually say the words, but... why would he say them to me? Why don’t you give him a chance... to say them to you?”  

“But Tobias,” she said with a quiver in her voice. “What if... what if it doesn’t work?”

“But Kaycee... what if it does?”

~~~~~

Boston and Philadelphia had skyscrapers for sure, but neither city could hold a candle to New York, and right now, Kaycee couldn't be more grateful to the town she now called home. Sixty-eight floors, she thought, taking a tentative step into the elevator. Sixty-eight floors stood between her and the lobby, and she hoped they’d stop at each one.

Standing in the back corner, she relied on the walls to keep her upright as passengers piled in. She needed time. Time to think, to decide what she’d say, to breathe.... sixty-eight floors should have given her the time she needed to center and gain a semblance of composure. But it went by in an instant, and when the elevator doors began sliding over, all she could do was watch in horror.

Her head was spinning, and her mind was lost in a cloud of confusion. Ethan was waiting in the lobby... for her? It couldn’t be real. Tourists and locals alike chatted happily about their evening plans as they stepped out, a direct contrast to Kacyee, who stood frozen in fear. Only the elevator operator’s gruff voice brought her back to reality.

“Ma’am, are you getting out?”

She turned to him, then back to the door, and considered returning to the grand ballroom. But something inside her stirred. Tobias was right; she was no longer playing the part of the ingenue, filled with hope and naivete that were somehow both her greatest strength and weakness. No, she was a big girl now, and whatever happened when she walked through that door... she’d be able to handle it.  

“Ma’am," the man repeated with increased irritation. “Shall I close the doors?"

“Uhm. No," she said, standing upright and dusting off the front of her gown. “No. I’m getting off here.”

The world seemed to move in slow motion as she stepped into the lobby. If this were a movie, Ethan would be waiting across a crowded room, their eyes would meet in an instant, and the credits would roll as soon as they shared a perfect kiss, one that left no doubt that they were destined for happily ever after. But real life seldom ran so smoothly, as Kaycee was about to confirm. She looked all around, to the left and the right, but no sign of him. She walked the perimeter of the room, even just outside, and still... nothing. Tobias said Ethan would be at the bar, so she returned and hopped on a stool to wait and wait. She was patient at first, but five minutes passed, then ten. Her fingers began to rap against the rich mahogany countertop when it reached fifteen, and by twenty? By twenty, she had enough.

Standing up with a weary sigh, she chastised herself for opening that door even a crack. You should have learned by now, she thought as she headed toward the exit. She was almost outside when she saw Tobias coming off the elevator. She turned on her high heel and headed his way. Why lambast herself if she could lambast him? He didn’t see her coming and reacted with surprise when he felt the shove on his shoulder.

 “He’s here, huh? He’s waiting for me at the bar? Well, guess what? He didn’t show!”

“Kaycee,” Tobia started, but she wouldn’t allow him to speak.

“No! Don’t Kaycee me! This is precisely l why I didn’t want to get my hopes up! This is how it always ends with us... either he walks away, or he doesn’t show... and I swore I wouldn’t put myself in this position again!”

“Kayce, if you’d just let me....”

“NO! No, I don’t want to hear what you have to say because all that matters is that he’s not here! He’s not here, and....”

Her breath hitched when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Is that....” she whispered.

“You know,” Tobias smirked. “You might want to turn around.”

She turned around slowly, and just like that, life was imitating art. A feeling of warmth surrounded her the moment their eyes met. He may have aged a little, but she’d know him... she’d know those eyes... anywhere.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, handing her a single red rose. “I stepped out to buy this from a street vendor. I thought it would be a nice touch.”

With her heart racing, she lifted the flower to her nose and inhaled its fragrant scent.

“And that took twenty minutes?” she grinned, putting Ethan at ease.

“Well, I also needed to go to the men's room. It took more than one glass of Scotch to get up the nerve to offer you an apology that could make up for eight years.”

“Ethan,” she whispered, at a loss for words.

“Well, this is the shittiest rose ceremony I’ve ever seen, and I’ve had to suffer through many an episode of The Bachelor,” Tobias observed. He pat Ethan on the back. “Nice touch, a little cheesy, but not bad for you.”

“You can go now,” Ethan grumbled.

“I was planning on it,” Tobias nodded at Kaycee, then looked Ethan in the eye. “You two can take it from here. Don’t fuck this up.”

“Can we?” Kaycee asked once Tobias was gone. “Can we take it from here, or will one of us mess it up somehow?”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out,” he smiled. “Why don’t we go someplace and talk.”

~~~~~

She couldn’t remember leaving the hotel lobby or how they decided where they would walk. All she knew was they ended up strolling along Central Park West, a comfortable distance between them, as she chattered aimlessly about nothing at all. Anything to avoid an awkward silence or, worse yet, an awkward conversation. While Kaycee faced straight ahead, Ethan couldn’t keep his eyes off her. She was as beautiful as he remembered, perhaps even more so. He was afraid if he took his eyes away, she’d disappear, and he wouldn’t allow that. Then, even in the dim streetlights, he saw her starting to shiver, and without missing a beat, he removed his jacket and placed it over her shoulders, bringing her to a stop.

“I’m sorry,” he said, taking a half step back. “You looked cold.”

“Yes,” she smiled nervously. “It is... it is getting cold.” She motioned to a food truck on the edge of the street and smiled. “I’d suggest we get coffee to warm up, but I know that wouldn’t meet your standards.”

“Is that what you want?” He asked. “Go. Go sit on that bench, and I’ll get us some.”

“You’re going to drink coffee... from a food truck?”

Ethan shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. “I have to start living a little sometime. Tonight sounds like the perfect time to start.”

He walked away, and Kaycee hollered after him. “Wait, you didn’t ask how I wanted my coffee."

He turned around with his hands in his pockets and utter confidence. “At this hour? Decaff. Definitely, decaff with a splash of milk, preferably almond, but if they don’t have that, plain milk will do. And Splenda, two Splenda... even though you know they’re not good for you.”

A slow smile spread across Kaycee’s lips. “You... remember.”

“Yes,” he nodded. “I remember everything.”

“Well, I take three Splenda now,” she winked, and he felt his heart flutter.

“Go sit,” he smiled, and she all but skipped away.

She watched his silhouette in the ethereal light, still attempting to convince herself this was real. But she had to believe it was true when she felt the steaming hot cup in her hand. She watched with anticipation as Ethan took a sip from his cup and couldn’t help but laugh when he tried to contain a grimace.  

“Oh, it’s funny,” he smiled. “Do you enjoy watching me suffer?”

“No,” she whispered, gently taking his hand and placing her coffee on the bench beside her. “No, I think we’ve both suffered plenty, and I don’t want either of us to suffer anymore.”  

The touch of her hand impacted him more than he could have imagined, and he found himself unable to speak. He turned to her with tears in his eyes, just managing to mutter her name before pulling her into a tight embrace. Kaycee buried her face in his shoulder, taking in the warm, familiar scent she used to know so well. One of Ethan’s hands was entangled in her curls, while his other arm pulled her as close as he possibly could. They stayed there a long while, silent and amazed at the reality – both had assumed if this day were ever to come, it would be filled with fireworks. An explosion of passion that couldn’t be felt miles away. But the reality was different. It was warm, safe, comforting, a loving embrace each had desired for so long – it wasn’t fireworks, it was coming home.  

“I can’t believe you’re here,” her voice cracked. “I can’t believe you’re in my arms.”

“I’m trying to believe it myself,” he said, pulling back to gaze into her crystal blue eyes. His hand cupped her chin, his thumb tenderly stroking her cheek. “You’re so beautiful. What kind of fool am I depriving myself of seeing this face for so long?”

Kayce reached up to take his hand, gently placing a kiss on it. “Then, shall we try to rectify that now?”

“We could. If that’s what you want.”

Kaycee sat back with a smile so gentle and warm Ethan didn’t need words to know her answer. She reached up and messed up his hair. “How did we screw us up so badly? I mean, I can blame it on being young and stupid, but you didn’t have that luxury.”

Laughing, he took her hand. “You may have been young, but you were never stupid. You knew so much more than me. I know there’s no fairy godmother that will show up with a magic wand, and I know we will still have things to work out. But the thing I know most of all is that I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I’ve wasted too many years without you by my side. I’m determined to put an end to that as soon as I can.”

“You love me,” she sighed. “Well, that’s good... because I love you. I love you so much.”

Ethan reached over and embraced her, letting out a joyful groan as he lifted them to their feet. She held on tight as he spun her around, stopping to gently put her back down. They stood face-to-face, a world of memories crossing their minds as they gazed into each other’s eyes. Time and distance had done nothing to them; their love remained the same. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, lighting a flame that had flickered but never extinguished. It was more than a kiss. It was a promise, a silent vow that was a testament to their love, which had never, ever died.

“We can’t screw this up, Ethan,” she said as they broke away. “If we’re going to do this, I want this to be forever. I can’t lose you again.”

“Good!” He grinned brighter than she had ever seen. “Because I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Ethan offered his arm, which she gladly accepted, nuzzling her head into his shoulder as they started to walk.

“So, where are we going?” She asked.

“Well, I do have a hotel room nearby.”

Kaycee playfully nudged him. “A hotel room? Mister, I have a whole apartment, and it’s quite nice! You know, your girl did all right for herself!”

“Oh, I’ve kept tabs on you. I know you did.”

“Then let’s go!”

As they walked to her apartment, they passed the café Kaycee had dined in not too long ago, and she told Ethan the story of that night. How two estranged lovers had come together, and he professed his undying love. She relayed how she was trying to listen in on their conversation, but in the end, she didn’t need to since the young man yelled it out for all to hear. The crowd applauded, and she secretly paid their bill. It was straight out of a movie.

“I’m glad you got to see that,” Ethan smiled. “You always loved a happy ending.”

“Mmm-hmm,” she agreed. “And now, I’ve got one of my own.”

(Yep that last part was from Part 1. 😊)

Thanks so much for reading!

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Tagging others separately.

[drconstellation]

First-Order Archangels

Part 2: Foils of War

This post follows on from Part 1: Maybe You'll See An Archangel

In Part 1 of this meta we looked at some parallels between Gabriel and Crowley that were being shown to us in S2. This time we are going to focus on the differences, as well as some parallels between their partners, Beelzebub and Aziraphale.

A foil is a character who contrasts with the protagonist, to highlight or differentiate certain qualities between the characters. Crowley and Gabriel do this because they have come from essentially the same place, and share some story elements, but they still end up in different places.

Lets start with their first meeting in S2.

There's a couple of things about this scene worth noting. The first is Crowley's reaction. In my honest opinion, this is seems a a bit of an overreaction, even considering what happened during the body swap scenes. The reaction is more about something that happened to Crowley himself, not to Aziraphale, and my guess is its something to do with Crowley's Fall. But what exactly happened at that point, I can't say.

The second is the white bust. It does look like it is passing some kind of judgment on Gabriel there, and they are perfectly aligned in the shot-blocking, just as they were aligned over Crowley's shoulders before he turned around and saw Gabriel in the GIF above. (Yep. Go back and take a close look - Gabriel sits on Crowley's right shoulder, and the bust sits right on his left.)

I talked about what it represented here in Part 1 of Gabriel as a Shoulder Angel: S2 Study

This bust is identified in the meta A. Z. Fell & Co. bookshop and its statues by @youryurigoddess as the Head of the Victorious Athlete. The op applies an interpretation in context to Aziraphale but seeing how we get Gabriel posed next to it twice, perhaps we should have a closer look at what it might be trying to tell us about this angel as well. The op says: "The presented athlete is victorious because he’s the epitome of the Platonic Triad of higher Forms: Truth, Beauty, and Excellence, understood in the wider context of the Greek Aretē."

Arete is a nebulous concept, and while it meant one thing in the earlier post it is trying to convey a slightly different message here. Its about combining a number of qualities to live up to your best potential of excellence. Such a person would be displaying the highest levels of strength, courage and wit. Having been confronted with Gabriel unexpectedly, Crowley has just lost his wits and courage - for a moment, at least.

Gabriel, still stripped down and presented to us in a basic, classical style of robing, is dealing with one of the other aspects of arete. "See, told you I looked like a Gabriel," he says, standing on the angelic right-side. Truth is virtue, truth is knowledge, and in arete virtue is knowledge as well.

In vino veritas means "In wine, there is truth." It refers to the fact that people under the influence of alcohol tend to speak without filters.

We've already talked about one meaning for the red horse on the wine bottle Crowley obtains to do some thinking with once he's hit with Nina's comment about people's love lives in S2E5. Yes, everything on that table right there is about love. But if you read all the reblogs on that post-thread, a number of people also mention that red horses are connected to War (as in the third Horseperson of the Apocalypse that didn't happen - their horse, if they had one, is supposed to be red.)

Firstly, the date on the bottle impossibly old for reality (believe me, you will not find a bottle that old in a little cafe like that, not matter where you are) so it is more likely a fictional date to refer us to the year before WWII started, the last peaceful year for most people before widespread war broke out (hmm, a bit of foreshadowing there, maybe?)

Secondly, and more importantly, Crowley pauses to pick up the bottle with the passionate red horse of War* on it to take it with him when he goes to talk to Gabriel.

Oh, I'm not here to make peace, Crowley declares as he enters the room - look at the way he turns the label to face Gabriel as he enters - I'm here to do battle. Isn't that what you wanted, Gabriel?

(If you go back to the scene blocking for the following sequence, you'll notice that Crowley starts on the right-side, the side of Heaven, that wants to re-start and hopefully win the War, but Gabriel, who has changed his mind, is more on Crowley's usual left-side now, wanting peace instead.)

In S1 Gabriel was the one all for starting, or more rather, continuing a war that was never concluded, but now seems to be backing away from that, and Crowley just can't work it out.

The recording of the trial in Heaven gives some explanation as to why, but not the whole reason for Gabriel's back-down on war.

He is removed from the office of Supreme Archangel for the reason of "[refusing] to exercise your celestial authority." I'll come back to this shortly.

On the other hand Crowley will fight on the spot if required but would rather avoid a prolonged war if at all possible. And he doesn't hesitate to lay down his own authority to achieve that. Astonishingly, no one in the bookshop disputes this, and he quickly takes control of the gathered celestial councils.

CROWLEY: Nobody's at war. You idiots sent an idiot to lead a gang of idiots to attack a bookshop. Those idiots there want their Archangel back so they can fire him.

Then:

MICHAEL: [clears throat]If it is to be war… CROWLEY: No, no, no, no, no war. Aziraphale, let's sort this out. Where's the cardboard box?

Crowley gets Gabriel back to his true self, rescues the mortal humans from being turned in pillars of salt, asks Aziraphale to take over from him as he leads Maggie and Nina outside, and kindly remembers to retrieve Mr Brown from wherever he was being held in Hell (he was not killed, Neil commented on a tumblr post he was merely taken to Hell and held in a cell overnight; Crowley just retrieved him from that hell hole.)

(OK, so I had something else here at first but discussion on another post at the time of writing has led me to delete it. The main aim of my argument was to show that Crowley naturally took control of the room to avert war before the Metatron showed up - and no one disputed or objected to it.)

The word "authority" is used multiple times in Ep.6, so there is some emphasis on it being important. Once the demons left, and it was just the angels talking, Michael tried to take over:

MICHAEL: I am authorized to remove the name of anyone who helped Gabriel from the Book of Life. You will never have existed, Aziraphale. In the absence of Gabriel, I am the Supreme Archangel. URIEL: Duty officer.

It wasn't the first time Michael tried to claim the position of Supreme Archangel on their own - with Uriel pushing back - and it brought to mind the famous saying "Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely." I like to check the exact wording of well-known sayings such as this, because they tend to get misquoted, and I know I myself misremember them, so I was interested to find out the context behind its origin, because I think it offers an insight into one of the cut minisodes for S2 - the one that would have been set in the Vatican. The writer of said quote, Lord Acton, was making a comment on how historians should judge the abuse of power by past rulers, especially popes. Unchecked power tends to lead to abuse of said power. The Metatron arrives to put a check on Michael's grasp on power, but who's keeping a check on the Metatron if God is not talking to anyone at the moment?

Control is something Gabriel feels he has never had, even though he is nominally in charge.

BEELZEBUB: Well, you didn't win. GABRIEL: Tell me about it. Everyone in Heaven is all like, "Well, you're the commander-in-chief, can't you just make the war happen anyway?" Like, I make the rules. BEELZEBUB: [scoffs] That's exactly what my lot said. GABRIEL: Well, it's good to know there's someone who understands. Thank you. It's a pity we'll never speak again.

In S1 when Aziraphale asks Gabriel who summons the Four Horsepeople for the Apocalypse, he doesn't know, and doesn't really seem too phased about it either, as long it happens. And there are a few other times in S1 he just seems to be going with the flow as well.

The trial was probably the first time Gabriel ever got to say "no" to anybody, and ironically he was exercising his celestial authority, even though he was accused of not doing so. Up until then, he'd always been more of a yes-man.

GABRIEL: I told you you could ask. However, I am the only First-Order archangel in the room, or, you know, the Universe, so I'm not gonna answer so much. But you feel free to knock yourself out with all the asking. Anyway, Armageddon the Sequel, that's a nah.

And there is Gabriel also saying no to answering questions!

One thing I've often wondered - can Gabriel's trial offer us a look back at what happened to Crowley before his Fall?

Something, some link between Gabriel and Crowley, is implied when Gabriel states he is the only First-Order Archangel in the room. I'm not just talking about the prince of Heaven comment, but Crowley could have been put through a similar trial before his Fall and shown similar defiance? Who would dare say no to the Metatron?

Crowley has nearly always been ready to say no when necessary, since the very beginning. He said no to killing children, he said no to taking up a Duke of Hell position (so far 😉) and he said no to Armageddon, amongst other things.

The scene down in Hell with the two thrones in S2E1, where Beelzebub offers Crowley "anything [his] nasty little heart desires" has a lot of parallels with the Metatron's offer to Aziraphale and is jam-packed full of other good stuff, but I'm just going to pick out a couple of aspects here, because I promised some Beelzebub-Aziraphale parallels.

One is the implication that Crowley was an equal to Beelzebub when they were both angels when Crowley responds to the threat about the Book of Life.

The two of them sitting together, side by side, reinforces this impression of them being equals of some kind. And just as Beelzebub is an Aziraphale parallel, so Aziraphale is Crowley's equal as well - in the present day. (They're a team, a group of the two of them, an Us.)

But what about when Beelzebub gets up to face Crowley, and leaves the other throne vacant? Hmm.

So we know the second throne was supposed to be for Gabriel, who never arrived. During the course of the series it gets pushed to one side, then disappears altogether, and Beelzebub appears on a cushioned white and gold chair reminiscent of Aziraphale's chair by his desk (see below.)

Ah, on second thoughts, I'm going to leave the rest of what I was going to say here for another meta (sorry!) because it pertains more to speculation about Crowley and Aziraphale in S3. Let's move on...

BEELZEBUB: Do you ever think, wouldn't it just be nice if someone told you what a good job you're doing?

@vidavalor already covered most of this parallel here, but while Aziraphale has Crowley to fall back on, and Crowley is happy to oblige with a few words of - lets not call it a "praise kink," isn't the love language term Words of Affirmation? - now Aziraphale is not reporting to Heaven, Beelzebub hasn't. Well, Demon Josh really isn't the appropriate person to be delivering that, anyway! And part of the problem lies with the next item to be discussed. I'm wondering if Gabriel is going to need to a bit of work in that department.

We need to have a talk about the following exchange between Beelzebub and Shax towards the end of S2E4:

BEELZEBUB: Can you enter the bookshop, without permission? SHAX: Not technically, no. But give me a legion of Hell's finest troops and see what I can do. It's a chance I've been waiting for, Lord Beelzebub. To be clear, you are hereby authorizing me to storm the angel's bookshop, sending wave after wave of demons to besiege it until it falls and capture the Archangel, destroying anything and everything that stands in our way? BEELZEBUB: No. I am not authorizing you to do that. SHAX: Oh. BEELZEBUB: I am commanding you to do it. I want you there, Shax. On the ground. Bravely leading the attack into the bookshop, leading the army of the damned.

I've already mentioned that there is a bit of emphasis on the word "authorize" and "authority" in places in S2, and this is one of them. But here it has a particular context. You need to ask what the difference is between commanding someone and authorizing someone, and it turns out there is a significant difference in meaning. (No, it doesn't mean pulling out a hand-written permit from your back pocket ...)

An authorization is mere official permission for something, but a command is a directive that implies there is a hierarchy in place, and the one giving the command is the one in authority who expects compliance. This was Beelzebub reminding Shax where her place was.

Later, Aziraphale takes command of the bookshop...well, somebody has to. Or, if you don't agree its here, perhaps it will be in S3. He's definitely not at the top of either hierarchy here but this is his domain.

I think I will wrap up this meta with one last example - the two parallels reaching out for their significant others.

There are probably a few more examples that could be discussed, if enough come up in discussion I'll do another post. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed this look from a different angel - er, angle.

"Enemies, as well as lovers, come to resemble each other over a period of time." - Sydney J. Harris

*There have a been comments lately on other posts linking Nanny Ashtoresh's name with the ancient goddess Astarte, a goddess of both Love and War, amongst other things.

This meta is part of a series on Gabriel

Gabriel as a Shoulder Angel: S1 Study

S2 Study Part 1: Ep.1 The Arrival and Ep. 2 The Clue

S2 Study Part 2: Ep.3 I Know Where I'm Going and Ep. 5 The Ball

S2 Study Part 3: Ep.6 Every Day

First-Order Archangels Part 1: Maybe You'll See An Archangel

First-Order Archangels Part 3: Seeing Eye to Eye

[staarry-skies]

— usagis jealousy during bmc, and if it really is just that? a meta

(read more bc i anticipate this getting very long)

before we talk about bmc lets set the stage a bit: usagi has just defeated the dark kingdom no more than a week ago (its unclear how much time passes btwn the two arcs but i can’t imagine its longer than a week, or even a couple days, as we see usamamo exchange their keepsakes at the end of act 14, something they promised they’d do the next time they saw each other during act 8, which means that this must be the first time theyve seen each other since defeating the dark kingdom, which again, i cant imagine took longer than a couple days) which means she has just experienced: watching her boyfriend die in front of her, being overloaded with a host of tragic memories from her past life (one of them including watching her boyfriend die and killing herself), her boyfriend getting brainwashed, having to kill her boyfriend because there was no getting through to him, killing herself due to the aforementioned trauma, and finally finding out her friends died— sacrificing themselves for her to bring her back. so thats all Crazy we can agree that is crazy for a 14 year old girl to go through? right? okay? good.

now that we’ve agreed on that can you imagine a little girl falling out of a large portal in the sky then threatening you with a GUN (fake sure but she didnt know that originally) and demanding you hand over the overpowered magical artifact you JUST endured all that trauma trying to protect? and then that same girl brainwashes your family? obviously usagi isnt going to trust chibiusa right away. i mean look at what she’s working with, and then when she tries to bring up these concerns no one believes her. i mean sure WE as the audience know chibiusa isnt a threat, and the others think she isnt because they cant see a little girl as particularly threatening but when you look at things from usagis perspective, then OBVIOUSLY she’d be suspicious— i mean she repeatedly refuses to answer any sort of questions (obviously this is not chibiusas fault, shes a scared child and the questioning terrifies her further, but again, think about this from usagis perspective). and again id like to reiterate that all of this is directly after the dark kingdom, usagi hasn’t had any time to heal from those fresh fresh emotional scars Of Course she’s a bit irrational.

now, to the topic at hand, was usagis jealousy really just that? regular jealousy at seeing mamoru spending time with someone who isnt her (even if the person in question was a small child that logically posed no threat to her relationship)?

obviously i dont think so, but let me prove to you its not just simple irrational jealousy but also usagis ptsd and specifically her abandonment issues that are what cause her to react in the way she does.

again, id like to remind the jury of the shit usagi has just gone through and how that all has caused usagi to develop some very serious abandonment issues. we see usagis worst fear(s) represented in nightmare sequences a handful of times throughout the series. exactly twice actually, once in infinity and once in dream and each have the shared theme of her loved ones leaving her in some way. in infinity they turn against her and berate her before ultimately dying, and in dream they’re simply dead. again both times it is very clear that the root of what she fears is abandonment.

these abandonment issues however, first begin to present themselves in arc 2. we even get a nightmare sequence in arc 2 similar to those of arcs 3&4. most interpret this as usagi just being jealous usagi. however really look at it, its not that she’s just afraid of mamoru being taken away by chibiusa, she’s afraid of them both abandoning her. look at what she says “wait! where are you going? dont leave me behind!” (or “wait! where are you going? dont leave me here!” in the eternal edition, i prefer the crystal translation simply because it makes it more explicit her issue is them leaving her alone) if it truly truly was an issue of jealousy why would she be afraid of them both leaving her behind? why say something like that? wouldnt it make more sense to say something like…. i dunno “chibiusa? dont take him from me!” instead?

once again, everything she goes through in arc 1 is a big contributor in this, however recall arc 2 begins with the senshi being picked off one-by-one (all except minako), and usagi can do nothing but watch and it eats her up inside. she quite literally begins to lose everyone dear to her all over again even while the last time is still so fresh in her mind.

and during most of this what does chibiusa do? she stays secretive, doesnt give usagi any information even when usagi tells her she cant trust her if she doesnt. (again i wanna reiterate that this is no fault of chibiusas however its not usagis fault either) so of course usagi begins to register chibiusa as a threat, and again with the information she has + her inarguable connection to the black moon clan this isnt a logical leap in the slightest.

thus when mamoru begins to spend more time with chibiusa instead of her it causes two things to happen. a) usagi is left without the emotional support she desperately needs in all of this (through no fault of mamoru, he completely misreads what usagi needs in this particular situation, he thinks that by helping with chibiusa it’ll ease her stress to have one less thing off her plate, however of course we know this does the opposite) and b) she begins to register chibiusa as a genuine threat to mamorus safety. usagis terrified of losing him all over again when she just got him back. look at this scene, i mean really truly look at it. look at what usagis saying, this doesnt sound like the ramblings of a jealous girlfriend it sounds like someone who’s terrified of losing their most important person all over again. “stay here with me. never go away. ill do everything i can to protect you…” (or “…i wanna be with you. dont go away. ill protect you with everything i have” in crystal, here i prefer the eternal edition again bc i think it more explicitly defines usagis problem) these lines just don’t make sense under the simple jealousy interpretation, what does protecting him have anything to do with envy at the time hes spending with chibiusa and not with her? nothing. shes not upset at that, she puts emphasis on protecting him because thats the true root of the problem, shes afraid of losing him again to yet another supernatural threat after the crystal.

and to close out id like to show everyone the viz dub version of this scene because i think it sums up my points incredibly well, as well as making it abundantly clear what the root of usagis problems Really are, specifically through the inclusion of the line “i wont lose you again”

[lavend-ler]

beginner fic writer who likes your work, can you give some advice on how to write a good fic (characters are not ooc, natural sounding dialogue and such)?

hi there! first of I'm very flattered that u like my fics, thank u! 🥰 I've spent my last 3 days thinking of the best advice I can give to fellow writers so here is a list of tips and examples. I hope u will find it useful!

writing characters who are not OOC requires a deep understanding of the canon u're writing. my best advice for this is to truly think abt the characters u write. a great exercises are writing metas or doing list of canon traits. but writing fic is all abt interpretation and having fun. I think the best thing abt this is to fill in the blanks urself. when u see the characters and see them as a whole person it's much easier. also every action requires a reaction. I'll give u an example - Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime is a character who is all abt community, leadership and upbeat, daredevil personality. but with him loving his friends but ALSO being in front of many of them dying and also also having such responsibility, it's a natural conclusion that he'd have a survivor complex. it's never stated outtight in canon but u gotta fill in the blanks like such with ur interpretations. ur fics are all abt how u see characters and their interactions with the world and themselves

my best tip on writing natural dialogue is to constantly check the source material. listen to characters u want to write abt and learn the cadence of their voice. before my EVERY writing session I rewatch scenes from canon, sometimes to the point that I myself am tired of it. but it works! u see the interactions, u memorize the words, u see how characters talk. I don't live in an English speaking country so I watch and observe how others talk. observation is ur most important tool

"but Ed" u ask me "u also write characters who DON'T have canon voices, how do u manage that?". with characters like such u gotta get the vibe of them, which goes back to my first point. u gotta understand characters u write abt and set some rules for urself. I'll give u an example with Norma Wiggins. she only has her "older" voice and I don't have a hc for how she would sound when she's younger. but the characterization must shine through. let's think of this: Once-ler asks her "well, Norma... look. it might sound out of the blue but would you want to go out somewhere with me? I dunno, coffee or tea, aanything you want" and I will give u two responses:

"w-well, Once-ler, of course, ehm. if that won't be a problem, that'd be heavenly"

"what, you wanna take me to your loveshack? sorry, I was just teasing! c'mon, stop that face, of course, I'll go out with you"

u can see that the characterization is much stronger and matches Norma much better in the second one cause instead of shy and uncertain, she's teasing and spunky!

show don't tell. oftentimes the most hated advice new writers get. but trust me when I say it's necessary. ur readers aren't idiots, they will take the cue. u can't give them everthing upfront, u gotta work around it a bit and give them context clues. again examples:

"Upon those words, Rhys felt angry. He turned on his ECHOeye to learn all about him."

vs

"Upon hearing those words, Rhys gritted his teeth in anger, the breath in his chest got shallower. With a flash, he turned on his ECHOeye. There just had to be some secrets buried within his files, he knew. And he had to know them personally."

ur characters do not exist in a vacuum. each one of them is a full person with other relationships, goals etc. show them change poses, change expressions, interact with the background

PLEASE only refer to ur characters with their names and their pronouns. everything else is incredibly tacky, I promise u. if u refer to characters as "brunette" or "brown-eyed guy" I will hate ur writing

remember TiP ToP rule. change ur paragraphs at every change of TIme Person TOpic and Place

inspo is everywhere! be observant, look at ppl in ur life and learn from them. the every day, mundane stories can often lead to u writing amazing creations

besides metas 100 word drabbles are ur friend. giving urself limits like so expand ur creativity and will allow u to craft stories in any scale u want. it's a very fun challenge and great way to see

it's another very obvious rule but READ A LOT!!!! u can't be a writer if u don't love what u're doing! read a lot, see what words ppl are using, see how their sentences flow. published books, fanfictions, no matter what, reading is a great time and it doesn't have to be in lang u're writing it either. I read a LOT and 99% of books I read are in Polish. and they still help a lot. and if u're reading a fic and u love it, don't forget to let author know via the comments <3

thesaurus is also ur bestie. just saying

u gotta find ur best workflow. everyone is different and different things work better with them. for example I work in complete silence. I listen to 1 song before writing and then I just focus on work. but some ppl rly like listening to music. as for me, I'll just bring up one of my fave tips from legendary Richard Williams and Milt Kahl:

and last but not least and it pains me to say it.......u gotta beta ur work. if u don't have a beta u gotta do it urself. I know, I hate it too but it must be done. I found that listening to what u write is the best option so my beta process looks like this: I use a text to speech google extention which reads me my whole fic. I stop it every time I hear sth that sounds wrong for me and I rewrite it. oh and also don't worry abt it - my text to speech can't pronounce things like "energon" but he still helps me a lot

[windupaidoneus]

🤪👯‍♀️👀?

hi greeeeen poses gaystyle how are u doing. does a backflip. falls on my ass

🤪: What is your trait that fanon would exaggerate? i think because of the nature of hildegarde being transmasc & people LOOOVING to infantilise transmascs people would latch onto his few sillier, more lighthearted moments & kind of turn him into a very nicey all the time sensitive emotional baby who can do no wrong. which like yeah he is emotional & sensitive but it actively causes him to do bad or at the very least morally questionable things so i don't think that's the angle we should be approaching this with guys... alternatively people who don't like him would probably like. write him as a class traitor of sorts. & i suppose he is! if you have no fucking idea how propaganda & indoctrination works. that isn't to say he's on friendly terms with nero, gaius & emet because of the propaganda & indoctrination, but he IS relatively unwilling to commit harm against garleans just bc they're garleans, yknow? & well that's a very. unpopular. kind of stance. you haven't gotten to that part of the game yet so i shan't elaborate too much but basically people are very eager to let people die horrible deaths or actively cause said deaths rather than allow them to grow & change. so hildegarde would likely be unpopular for wanting to help rather than leave them to die even if these are people who participated in his own lifelong abuse & issues (well. i don't think he knew any of them personally tbh which also gives him some emotional distance since they didn't hurt him Specifically. also random ass garlean peasants aren't really responsible for the hurt he went through going up the ranks)

👯: What canon character are you most similar to? oh! that's a fun one..... it kinda depends who hildegarde is around. if he's around nero the answer is 100% nero outwardly. (this is actually healthy for him in a sense since nero's inflated ego means hildegarde gets an inflated ego from being around him. self-love win!! bad news for everyone else, theyre insufferable) you have not met either of those characters yet but hildegarde sees a lot of himself in yotsuyu, & from a meta perspective he is similar to fordola as well. those are stormblood characters !! so you will see them soon!!!!! all three of them were tools of the empire at points in their lives at varying degrees of willingness, but hildegarde has an I'm Evil Person complex so he aligns himself with yotsuyu more since. well. yotsuyu is kind of evil yeah. (women can do anything they want) but especially um. well. let's just say yotsuyu is alive in his timeline bc i can't bear to have it otherwise i really can't & it'll become very clear why when you get to the Part & of course i can't not mention. well. emet. they're not TOO similar especially not on the outside but they are both consumed with grief to an extreme degree. also they both do love theatre im afraid

👀: How does your ship with your f/o influence both of your characterisations and the world? Would there be any interesting metas written about your dynamic? FUCKKKKK (clutches my head) WELLLL IF IM HONEST IT WOULDNT ACTUALLY CHANGE MUCH I DONT THINK. there would def be interesting metas written about their dynamic & im living proof of it im writing my own metas 😭 read my five billion paragraphs boy. i cant say FOR SURE how it would affect the world because the game isnt finished yet & i cant know for sure what will come of emet until the story is over but i like to like. keep things as close to canon as possible when i tinker with my timeline. emet coming back very intentionally does not change much at all about the story bc i want the story to keep its impact, & him being around & actually doing shit here & there would make things way boring bc he's so stupid powerful... plus i don't think he'd like. do much. unless hildegarde explicitly asked him. & hildegarde does not simply "ask for help". so really it all works out for the game mostly remaining close to what it is canonically. about emet's characterisation though. it would change a little i suppose. more stuff i don't knowww if i can elaborate on fully bc Well The Spoilers but it's less his canon characterisation changing & more me adding onto it at the end of what is already established? like... timeline wise. lol. there's the him the way he was originally, the him he was as a villain, & the him he is after everything is said & done. but to be honest that's just him changing & growing as a person (for better or worse) yknow. normal shit. as for hildegarde. Um. well i dont know i feel like since he's my s/i... he already has the characterisation i give him & i cant dissociate him from my beautiful mind timeline so it's hard to tell lmaoo. the actions he takes ingame (like with dialogue options) are all chosen with my timeline in mind so he probably wouldn't change much

[definitelynotshouting]

Hi! This has nothing to do with hermitcraft at all, but I think you’re a great writer so I’d like your opinion on something for my passion project! ((If you’re willing Ofc))

What do you think about the prophecy trope?

Like- “a great saviour will appear! The prophecy says so!” For example.

Furthermore; how would you go about improving the trope / making it more unique?

- binge reader

OOOOOH BINGE READER ANON I LOVE THIS QUESTION!!!! its very flattering that you would ask this of me, and for what its worth, its actually exactly in my wheelhouse-- im a professional editor who often works substantive edits, so youve found a good person to ask :]

Because of that, im gonna answer this in two ways: one as a writer, and one as an actual editor

So beyond my own personal opinion, which we'll get to later, the general rule of thumb in writing is that you can make pretty much anything work so long as you put in the effort. This includes things like characterization that would otherwise come off as ooc-- if you take the time to make it believable, to see what it would take to make this character act a certain way, that can absolutely work!!! And likewise, the same goes for tropes. You can generally make almost any trope work-- even if its typically viewed as clichéd-- so long as you put that work in, and weave it well into your storyline!!

For this trope in particular, it absolutely has its place. If your story is centered around that, then that is perfectly fine!! All writing boils down to what the author wants to depict, portray, and show you, and sometimes that involves a prophecy!! What i would recommend to make this an effective prophecy, however, is making sure it slots in well with the surrounding world and storyline-- tropes like The Chosen One tend to be the crucial hinge on which the story operates, so you'll want to structure stuff around that so that it feels properly baked in. To do this, i'd recommend figuring out what you want from the prophecy in general first-- is this an accurate prophecy?? Is divination a known aspect of this world?? Is magic?? Or is this closer to a self-fulfilling prophecy, where no magic or divination exists but events have been manipulated so that it still comes true??? These are super good questions to ask yourself because they heavily impact the approach you take with your worldbuilding, and i find that rippling outward from one central plot point/plot device can do a ton to make your story feel more cohesive overall.

Now personally, as a writer, im not generally super interested in writing a garden variety prophecy trope. But something i do love to do is take tropes and twist them around, turn them on their heads, and shake things up so it feels a bit more fresh and keeps my personal interest while writing. The way i see it, you have a sort of bell curve/spectrum to reference here: on one end its "the prophecy is true and the story is informed by it wholesale," and on the other end, you've got "the prophecy is bullshit and actually means nothing" 😂😂😂😂

Both of these feel too extreme for me. There are a few ways i would take this, depending on the overall story and its message/themes, but something that i find personally entertaining is the sort of middle ground of "half-true, half–self-fulfilled." I find it deeply compelling to have a character yank their own fate into their hands and start wielding it like a weapon-- there's something incredibly powerful about a narrative where a character sees a prophecy and chooses to make it come true. Sometimes this is written as the character stepping up to the plate for other people. Sometimes it's written as the character just being clever, and doing some social engineering-- whether that be for power, ambition, responsibility, or pure survival. But the end result is the same: the prophecy is ultimately fulfilled, and on a meta level, you pose a question to both your character and your readers-- was it real? And does that matter??? Were the choices taken by your protagonist what shaped the story, or were they shaped BY it, and just didn't know it?? Does choosing to abide by a prophecy make it true, make it inevitable, or is it all just a sham??? Is there a middle ground here as well?? What does that mean for the events that happened????

These are all EXCELLENT questions you can use to make a genuinely gripping narrative, one that makes your readers really think after they've read it and come to conclusions of their own. They're also part of tropes i personally like, which involve the power of choice, and very clever characters (i love clever characters, im a little trickster at heart), and rules-lawyering, and often some interplay between the concepts of freedom and fate. These questions may not work for your story, though, and thats okay!! Your story is ultimately for you, and i think asking yourself what you ultimately want out of it is the first step towards finding an effective way to tell it. Some people just want to write the trope wholesale with nothing else added in and that is perfectly fine. Some people, like me, enjoy writing very complex thinkpieces and will want to change it up a bit to better fit that structure 😂😂😂😂 At the end of the day, ask yourself what it is you're trying to tell, and then start asking yourself what will help you tell it best :] and then you can start changing things up from there!!

Hopefully this made sense, anon!!! Again, im deeply flattered you've asked my opinion on this, and i wanted to make sure i took the time to answer it thoroughly. I'm so interested in your passion project already!! If you ever want to share more, or just want to ask more questions of editor-TJ, absolutely hit me up!!! I love love LOVE talking about the mechanics of storytelling, its my passion and my career, so i will never get tired of infodumping about it :DDD i hope this helped!! Thanks again for asking!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[snowlupinwoodstories]

A Writer's Conundrum

Here's the next practice snippet I worked on. I'm going to take a week off of making snippets as a friend (@bloobluebloo ) is visiting! Maybe a break will help me with my own writers block.

“What do you do when all the inspiration has dried up,” The white wolf hummed to herself as she shut the laptop and looked around the coffee shop where she typically wrote, her blue eyes dull from staring at the blank page in front of her. Normally the sounds of people going about their day, calming renditions of popular pop songs and asian folk music, and the whirr of the coffee machines could break through the worst of the writing doldrums. It's why she would typically start her days off here before running errands or setting up research opportunities.

But with her latest drafts already off to their publishers and no requests for edits she was itching to start a new project. If she could just figure out what that project was.

She’d just covered a little bit of coffee culture in her latest book, so writing about a coffee shop was out. The park over the way had already served as an inspiration for many scenes in her novels, thirteen break-up scenes, five teary come together scenes and one wedding if she was remembering correctly. 

“Perhaps writing about a writer who doesn’t know what to write about?” she frowned before brushing the idea out of her mind. One, it was too meta, and though her books did include several taken from real life and recontextualized scenes. Two, it was overdone. While readers did enjoy and romanticized a writer’s life and work, Snow did not think it was something her readers wanted to read about. 

Well knowing what not to write about was progress at least. 

Maybe. She turned her head back to the window, watching the traffic go by for a few moments before she began to pack back up. Laptop in its bag and charge cord packed away she walked her dishes over to the collection area where a barista would pick them up. 

“Leaving so soon?” a cerulean asian palm civet asked who was sweeping nearby. “Do you have a lot of errands today, Snow?”

“Not quite,” Snow responded, her eyes trained outside, staring off into the distance, “Just having trouble finding my mojo today I guess.”

The civet hummed for a moment, “You know, when I’m stuck on drink creation I bake, and when I’m stuck on a baking creation I practice my coffee craft. Maybe you need to do something adjacent and see where it takes you. Let your brain work on it in the background.”

“That’s an idea, its been a hot minute since I’ve been to a bookstore,” Snow mentioned as she walked out of the cafe. 

Snow stopped in the big name bookstore outside of a shopping center, beelining for the romance section of the store. Perhaps reading some of her competition would help her feel inspired by her own work. 

The books were paperback, with bright covers depicting either the protagonists with their love interests, or sometimes just the love interests in pin up poses displaying their bodies, just covered enough to avoid being labeled inappropriate. Names like Tranquil Krystalkat, Nora Roden, Vixen Valentina, and others peppered the section. Most were pen names of course. While the genre of romance writing could be lucrative most people had issues attaching their names directly on the cover. At least until they hit it big enough for the judgements to slide off their backs like water off of waterfowl. 

Now there’s an idea, Snow mused. She hadn’t done anything with a waterfowl protagonist or love interest. She’d have to do some research. She picked up a book with a swan protagonist holding a bouquet of black and white flowers, a black swan wrapping their wing around the white swan, even as the white swan turned their head away. 

She flipped it over and gave the back a read, frowning. A story where black swans, rare as they were, knew their mates at first glance and a rich swan took his new bride-to-be away to his mansion as the wedding was prepared. How she’d be determined to not fall for him despite the flattery, the rich gifts, etc. It was a very run of the mill story going off of a rather well known stereotype of anthro swans. Snow put the book back and grabbed another, this one showing off of a small jackal holding a few dice in his hand with ominous eyes glaring from behind. She turned it over to find a trickster jackal had won the heart of an ominous wolf in a game of chance, and how that resulted in their romance. A few page flipping determined that the conflict was the wolf wanted to be rid of the jackal, but the jackal had magic and the wolf ended up being more possessive because of that. 

She scanned the books ruefully. Yes she knew the patterns of romance books, they allowed for beautiful looks into the psyche, and you had more freedom to play with the characters and readers emotions because everyone knew the question wasn’t when the characters would end up together but rather the when and why. 

But the benefit of the genre was also its frustration. There were common tropes that were common for a reason. Romance novels were escape fantasy afterall. And there was nothing wrong with that. But Snow had been pushing that boundary for a while now. Asking questions about the comfort genre, pushing the envelope on normalizing poly in the mainstream. Something to offer more flexibility to the rules the genre was typically afforded. 

 “Having trouble deciding?” An orange ferret who was shelving books asked her, noticing her frown. 

“I was hoping for something that kinda pushed the boundaries of the genre,” Snow replied, her hand coming underneath her chin. 

“How so? I mean there are plenty of fantasy, magic and higher feral titles I could recommend,” the ferret offered, putting her task to the side. 

“I’m really open to any sub-genre,” Snow turned her head towards her, “but I’m looking for something that if the set up is convoluted its not overly so. And perhaps something that isn’t afraid to break the normal mold of how these stories play out. You know something that makes me wonder more ‘if’ rather than ‘when’.”

“Hmm…You know I know just the thing! Its over this way,” the ferret directed leading Snow around the other side of the shelves and over to a corner display, “This author has been making loads of headway in the romance genre, her book Gym Brats might be just what you’re looking for.”

Snow smiled gently, her eyes widening as they paused in front of the display, her pen name, Blizzard Sapphire splayed across a sign. The ferret had already picked up a book, a very tall athletic shimmery palomino mare spotting for a black wolf who was struggling under a mediocre weight for a chest press on the cover. “See both of the characters start off in committed relationships that are open for different reasons, so no squick about cheating, as an added bonus.”

Snow took the book from the ferret and flipped it over, scanning the back, trying to figure out how to gently decline the book. Well here was the true heart of the problem. Snow wrote the types of things she wanted to read. And because of that she was the go to author for things like this. Which meant the other writers hadn’t tried to dip their toes into it yet, or their publishers weren’t ready to try and compete with her. Perhaps thinking the fad of pushing the envelope would disappear sooner rather than later. 

“Her other titles are just as good, Me and My Middle Class Girlfriend is a hoot if you want something more normal. It flips the effortless millionaire genre and writes it from his perspective trying to keep his worth underwraps but failing and how she shows him how to live a more normal lifestyle,” She handed Snow a book with a bright blue and red macaw and a demure looking husky. That had been a fun one to write, trying to get into Scritch’s head without him realizing what she was doing. He still didn’t know that she wasn't an editor, but a writer. 

“Or oh! This is probably my favorite of right now, though it is one of her older works, Werewolves of Knottingham.” Snow, balanced the two previous books on her one arm as she took the last book, this one covered that time she spent time at an amateur erotic writers commune. “The main character is a young hobby writer who signs up for a writer’s commune without realizing its for professional erotic writers, and ends up with a publishable novel at the end. I know that may be kinda spoilery but at least I’m not spoiling the love interests.” The ferret paused waiting to hear Snow’s thoughts.

“You’re right,” Snow said, swallowing her nerves, “This is exactly what I’m looking for.”

“Great! Do you want to keep browsing the selection or should I get you checked out?” the ferret grinned excited to share her favorite books. Snow groaned inwardly, realizing that she wasn’t leaving there without buying her own books. Again.

[saltprince]

Do you have a favorite Sandalphon unit? Or does it depend on the job you want him to do?

I need you to know I got this ask late at night and spent like 2 hours figuring out how to answer this before deciding I should go to bed instead of looking like the conspiracy theorist with a wall of print-outs and red threads at 4AM

Talking about favorite characters or units is. Genuinely so hard because I throw myself into a massive rabbit hole. Does it depend on the fight? The lore? The art? Fate episodes? Voice lines? Skills? Full auto? Release? Utility? Synergy? Meta? I'm 100% insane for this but there are too many things to consider here--

Short answer: All of them. Don't make me choose. For as much as I lean into meta there is one man who will make me go monkey regardless of meta. Job doesn't matter when I'll GIVE him a job to do. Though it is easier when his kit is either versatile/specialized or good for full auto/hard content. Either ones of those I'll make work in a heartbeat.

Long and unhinged answer under the cut.

Light Sandalphon (Event): The OG. The reason I went insane. Did you know he's actually surprisingly usable especially after his rebalance? Hit kit is fun but slightly outdated, symbolic of who he was and grew to be. This one gets bonus points for the lore (every uncap art shows a part of his joruney) and the voice lines, as you can have him be a rat for this one still. Base art and final uncap art go hard. First ringed character.

Light Sandalphon (Grand): A followup to his event SSR tbh. I get what they're going for in terms of art but it looks too soft compared to his other alts, which bothers me. It does look like a painting which fits the vibe of his lore. Voice lines sound slightly off to me, but I'm insane for this when the content itself is delicious. Kit is strong and satisfying, building on what his event ssr has except modern and miles better. Damage numbers are fun as hell. Can be slotted in the front but is always solid even in the back, which I'm eternally grateful for. Only cost me half a spark, which is nice of him.

Earth Sandalphon (Grand): A+ lore. Absolute rat. Insane voice lines. Love how unhinged he is. Cygames was insane for giving him to us in the end. Extremely usable for off-element raids, but not that great outside of that. He was on my gold brick farming team for a good while. Not so much fan of the posing for these arts. Does come with his ratty OG dialogue arts, which is a bonus. Base art is nice. He may be evil but he also only cost me half a spark.

Water Sandalphon (Summer): I went insane for him on release. Love his outfit, but didn't like the posing for this. The bonus art I love but looks too blue next to the rest of the team, which bugs me. Still great piece though. Voice lines are fine. Kit... actually kept me from using him. I used him at first and designed around him, but his kit is not great on full auto, since his buff skill isn't supposed to activate first. Thinking about it I'm going to bring him back now out of spite. If I can click Fediel's field, I can also click his sk1. Fun fact about this one: I had to wait a full year to get him because initially i only had 290/300 spark rolls. Next year he came home in 10 rolls. So technically a full spark over 1 year. I spent the remaining spark on summer Lucio to spite him for doing this to me. Have hardly used Lucio ever since then.

Wind Sandalphon (Valentine): Quite possibly my favorite outfit for him, he looks comfy and the style and colors remind me of the Eternals, which is a huge plus. Kit has a bit of everything, it's not as stacked as his Light Grand but in turn has major support options. He's on my endgame team for super ultimate bahamut. I find that he usually offers at least some things I need, so I make a point of building around him to utilize his full kit. Voice lines are fine, though I miss his bratty attitude. I think this one has a nice balance. Like his water ssr, he talks about coffee... and treats that pair well with coffee, and coffee breaks, which I appreciate a lot. He's nerding on main. Does great on full auto as well, since he helps keep the team alive. Got him right before the spark was done, and had a spark prepared specifically for him in case he would get a Valentine's alt.

I think this version of him his my current favorite, though his event ssr and earth ssr are close for their voice lines and lore alone.

[faerywhimsy]

Hello, I would like to linger on the topic of Armand and love in (primarily) the setting of TVL.

"What do we have now! Answer me! Nothing but the love of each other and what can that mean to creatures like us!"

Working backwards for a hot minute, this is the last appearance we have from Armand in The Vampire Lestat. It comes immediately before Armand tosses Lestat out of the very tower Lestat so graciously gifted to him.

Symbolism? Oh my heart, I lived for this sort of stuff during my English degree.

Anyone who's read a single page of TVC knows that love is pretty much prized above all things in the world of these vampires. It's... pretty much the only thing all of them by some unspoken agreement seem to hold dear. Even Rhoshamandes (one of many scions of Akasha) from the Prince Lestat at least appears to gain something from the affection between him and his fledgling Benedict. But I'm definitely getting ahead of myself.

Sorry guys, strap in if you wanna. This is gonna be another long meta post.

To go from the end right back to the beginning, something about Lestat does seem to bring Armand back to 'life'. And, in response, just the sight of him makes Lestat gasp. Armand is "perfect", "dazzling", "incarnate beauty". His voice is "teasing", his eyes are "fathomless". I've read bodice rippers with prose less purple than this.

Okay, fine, it turns out a lot of this is all a mind fuck from Armand to Lestat but I've already written a longer interpretation of that over here (and thank god because it just wouldn't have fit here). Just because we're seeing Armand's use of the mind gift does not necessarily invalidate some feelings behind it. Armand is one tightly wound, fucked up ball of crazy at this point in the eighteen century, and everything of him this early kinda has to be read through that lens.

All night you've been searching for me, he said, and here I am, waiting for you. I have been waiting for you all along. Dear God, this is love. This is desire. And all my past amours have been but the shadow of this.

Ultimately, Lestat's rejection of Armand after this is pretty brutal. He (correctly) manages to ascertain how much of a threat Armand poses to him, despite their both being of the blood. Later he even marvels at how he was able to overcome Armand in the brutal beating that followed. (My personal head canon is simple: Armand let him).

Yet still, Armand asks to be loved by Lestat and, thereafter, begs Lestat to be allowed to travel with he and Gabrielle. So when you read the disavow of love Armand makes—after Lestat has left him and returned to him, only to promise to leave him once more—it feels pretty clear Lestat went and fucked Armand all up and down. (I also wanna mention that meta post I think about often and is basically my head canon, on Armand's PoV in The Vampire Armand that shows him again rebounding hard in the wake of being rejected yet again. Let's face it, this is realistically an immutable part of Armand's character.)

How much of an impact did Lestat's rejection of Armand have? Allow me to put it this way: It takes him almost two hundred years for Armand to find his heart again after Lestat, but no more than forty years after Daniel before he finds some solace and makes house with Louis in Trinity Gate (kinda important to me to make this point given the consensus in fanon is Daniel is Armand's great love story).

Finally, there's a part of me that can't help but wonder how things might have gone differently, had Lestat not brashly come back with impossible demands of Armand. Would Armand have been capable of forgiving Lestat if he hadn't come talking about how little he actually needed Armand after he used Armand for a draught of his healing blood?

When Lestat first sees him again, he uses such words as "brilliant light burning in him", "thinly veiled excitement", "caressingly", "soft and compassionately" to describe Armand's attention. This is moments before Lestat goes off at the mouth.

And... just... damn, man. Maybe it would have been best to face Marius and his measly "condemnation" is all I'm saying. At least Marius wasn't in love and the worst he (probably??) would have done was turn his back on Lestat. No wonder, honestly. These are all immortal blood drinkers we're talking about, not a high end wine tasting.

[reblogging4thewin]

KP's 2022 SPN Year in Review

Soooo much happened in my life in 2022 (well from end 2021 though 2022 really). I am so grateful for the friends both online and off who helped me get through it all 💜. I found myself focusing more on art and editing than writing - but I am really excited to share my Pinefest fic with you all in February!

The #1 creation I'm most proud of this year was my Haze Amv, but I am also blown away by how much my Me and My Broken Heart Amv took off - ending the year with almost 20k views - which is in-sane. Setting and sticking to a regular upload schedule has been motivating and rewarding - I'm excited to post January's video on Thursday too :).

Participating as an artist in a couple of bangs for the first time had me stepping out of my comfort zone and drawing the best human being I've ever drawn to-date.

Aside from making things, I also co-modded the new SPN Bang Bang with my friends @doctorprofessorsong and @you-cant-spell-subtext-without, which went wonderfully well; I"m excited for this year's round!

Last but not least, being an editor and guest for @endofthebookpod has been amazing so far, and I'm excited for the rest of The Winchesters season!

Without further ado, here's a recap of all of the SPN fanworks I made in 2022 (I'll also get my masterlist pages updated to include these):

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Fic (all G or T rated):

Did You Mean It? - PB Exchange - Cas realizes Dean's been flirting with him, so he confronts him - with some satisfying results. (reblog link)

The Theme is Dean - Dean birthday - Dean gets the themed party he's always wanted. (reblog link)

I'm the One He's Walking to - Valentine's Exchange - Is this a date? (reblog link)

Sleepy Stares - they are just so soft (reblog link)

You Never Let Me Say It Back - a poem by Dean (I am particularly proud of the wordplay in this one) (reblog link)

Regarding Bunnies - Easter; goofy Dean - Cas gets Dean a fluffy surprise, that yes they've discussed before. (reblog link)

Mon Pays Sera Toi - Dean really likes how protective Cas can be - it makes him feel safe, among other things. (reblog link)

Magic - Samwena drabble (tumblr only)

Rendevous - Drowley drabble (tumblr only)

What if Dean kissed Cas in The Trap? (tumblr only; in the tags)

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Amvs (I'm posting a new one every 5th now - YT channel):

Words Words Words - Dean Winchester - Comedy (YT link)

Squirrel all the Bad Guys Want - Dean Winchester, Drowley - Comedy (YT link)

When You Were Young - Dean Winchester, Destiel - Drama (YT link)

Haze - BAMF Cas, Destiel - Drama (YT link)

Dream Boy - Destiel - fun (YT link)

Me and My Broken Heart - Destiel - Drama (YT link)

The Shipped Gold Standard - Destiel - Drama (YT link)

Don't Let the Light go Out - Destiel - Drama - got (c) blocked on YT, so the Tumblr post has the original audio and the YT version has pitched concert audio that you can kind of hear me in 😳 (YT link)

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Gifs:

LGBTQIA+ SPN Characters

Aang and Cas entrance parallels

That pose from OTHOAP (which I like to think of as honk.jpg)

The totally-not-suggestive way that Cas eyes Dean in 5*02

500 Days of Winchesters - Spn Win / 500 Days of Summer Crossover - Suptober

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Art:

Dean/Cas/Benny drawing for Spn Bang Bang (Benny here is the best human being I've drawn to-date, and the reason I can no longer say that I can't draw people.)

Juliet the Hellhound drawings for Crowley Big Bang

Smoke - Drowley digital drawing - Suptober

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Meta and meta additions:

The Winchesters initial thoughts

The Winchesters John meta (with gifs)

Rowena is Sam's Benny

SPN Witches' immortality and humanity

See #spn meta in the tags for more thoughts too

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Misc nonsense (non-serious ramblings, sketches, ideas):

Do you wanna go/ do you wanna get out of here

Putting on a tie is such a turn-on apparently

I'll just wait here then Destiel and Merthur parallel (I could go with you is also one but yeah)

A silly little amongus/SPN crossover sketch I might come back to and draw for real.

Sarah Blake references from 8*22 Clip Show

Unusual reactions to 'I love you'

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Non-spn stuff:

Sure this is an SPN year in review, but I did make a handful of other things that I thought it'd be weird to leave out.

Soldier Boy Soulja Boy Amv - (YT link)

Dreamling Dream Amv - (YT link)

Merthur She's got Sorcery Amv - (YT link)

Puppet History Can't Touch This Amv - (YT link)

A Solid Foundation - original sapphic horror story (Reddit link)

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Last year's year in review post was more of a 'here's one fave; check out the pages I made that are a complete list.' But since blog subpages are hidden in the app, I figured I'd do a complete list in the post this year instead.

I plan on doing more writing in 2023 - Pinefest is only the beginning.

Happy new year everyone!

Since tumblr tags suck, I used this Tumblr OP finder to help me put this together.

[alohaemora]

hi! just wanted to drop by for two things:

a) had to let you know your writing style is BONKERS stellar, so, so good and succinct without undercutting the human emotion within each character you touch; just...you are incredible!

b) I've personally been wondering this for a long while, but have finally decided to just ask: why do you exclusively write canon compliant works? is it because that's what you find most comfortable? is it because you cannot picture anything beyond what's canon? or is it something else? I ask mostly because for a while I have seen many people in the fandom add this to their bios, which kinda turns me off of them (not due to writing, just a preference!), and it's rooted itself inside my brain and, well, here I am.

but I honestly really do adore everything I have read from you, you capture everyone's voices so masterfully I can't help but be enthralled (that Lee Jordan bit for Winter Sun? need more of that POV!).

so, yeah, hope this reaches you well, sorry for bothering! x

First of all, THANK YOU, Anon 🥺 I'm in the thick of a really horrible cold right now, and your words brightened my day. I'm really quite proud of my writing style at this moment in time. I've worked hard over the years at developing a style that balances conciseness and evocation - it's something I struggled with a lot when I first started writing, which you might notice if you read my older fics, so it always makes me genuinely thrilled when people comment on that. (Also, I'm delighted you enjoyed my recent Lee ficlet, I have so much fondness for his character, and hope to write more of him!)

As to why I'm a canon-compliant writer, it actually has very little to do with personal comfort - in fact, I love being pushed out of my comfort zone when I write, it's why my fics feature such a wide range of characters. I almost dislike the word "compliant" sometimes, as it has a bit of a…resigned vibe to it? The reason my works are canon-compliant is because what stimulates me, personally, when it comes to writing fanfiction is envisioning and creating different sides and dimensions to the canon universe. I enjoy the unique challenge that is posed by having to build upon, enrich, and add nuance to the characters and themes introduced to us in canon, while still working within the general parameters of that universe. The recent Winter Sun fest by @harrypocter, for example, has been an incredible writing experience for me - it's been so invigorating to add depth and culture and life to these characters of color, to create rich stories around those small mentions of them we got in the series.

Do I think that the canon universe is perfect? Of course not. I think this is a common experience for those of us who grew up with the series - as we matured, we naturally applied a more critical lens to books that we obsessively loved as children. A reputation that canon-compliant authors often have is that we are completely devoted to the source material and glorify it, when in fact, it's usually the opposite. It's been one of my favorite parts of engaging with this fandom as an adult, reading these incredibly nuanced metas and focused analyses of canon characters and plot lines, and then writing fics that incorporate my newly enhanced understanding. (I'll take this opportunity to rec one of my absolute favorite metas by @ashesandhackles that expertly breaks down all the problems within the series' house-elf-related arc.)

To conclude this wildly long answer lol, it's not that I see myself as trapped within the canon sandbox. Rather, what engages me most is making new things out of the sand. I will add that as a reader, I enjoy AU fic, particularly canon divergence AU, and there are so many truly stellar AU authors out there. One of the great things about this fandom is that because of how enormous it is, there are infinite niches and sub-fandoms. Despite the author's truly harmful actions (I will always support the rights and dignity of trans people and will never monetarily support jkr again), fans put time and care into making this space more inclusive and diverse every year.

Thanks again for the lovely comments ❤️

[veronica-17-hood]

aged up damian wayne x meta reader

- my first damian wayne <3

- requested by @yaaaaaaaaas-world

- angst mixed with fluff

- enjoy :,)

- also! if you know who did this artwork pls lmk! would love to give credit!

this weight was getting heavier on you now, the lying, the fear, you were worried and honestly no one would blame you, everyone knew how the wayne’s felt about metas, the way they wanted them out of gotham even if they were just trying to help.

bruce even had a problem with big blue and he wasn’t even a meta, but bruce still felt uneasy having people that possessed inhuman abilities in his city and naturally that passed onto his son, the boy that was beyond head over heels for you.

the boy who trailed behind you like a lost puppy when the two of you we’re together.

the boy who trusted you enough to be soft, drop his tough exterior around you.

the boy who only smiled when you walked through the door.

the boy who dropped his ego to say ‘i love you’ first and makes sure he says it to you each morning and each night.

he was the boy who couldn’t imagine a life without you.

and here you were, keeping a secret, a life altering secret, because you were afraid.

god damian would be disappointed in you.

you watched as sleep just across from you, bedding hung low around his waist showing off his beyond perfectly sculpted v-line, his face pressed to the side of the pillow and arms tucked near his torso which did allow you to sneak out rather softly.

he had come over to your apartment after patrol that evening which had ended earlier than he thought, the digital clock next to his face glowing a bright 4:03 am and counted upward with each waking moment you sat staring at his sculpted body and shallowing breathing lifting his chest down and up.

you suddenly watched his still wrapped hands come from their place tucked by his side over to the empty place where your body should be, instead he found his calloused hands fiddling with the black silk sheets ruffled and cold seeing as you have been out of bed for at least an hour now, sitting in the moonlight staring oddly at the body of the boy you’ve been dating for two years now, watching as he slept peacefully without knowing your deep, dark, secret.

a small hum peaked your ears, watching as his long lashes fluttered feverishly attempting to narrow them in on where your body should be, but now with a fist full of h and half opened eyes he allows a small groan to sounds before speaking aloud, beckoning you.

“come back to bed beloved.” his voice was groggy, hands swiping up and down, the sound of the silk mixing with the bandages covering his hands sending shivers up and down your spine.

damian was met with silence. now his eyes opened wide at the lack of response, arms coming out from his sides to lift his body up, further exposing his toned body.

your lips stayed flat as his brows raised and emerald eyes blown from his sleep, beckoning a response from you, worried now as he watches you sink further into yourself.

“beloved?” his sleepy voice sent had your heart skipping a beat, his left arm removing from underneath his weight reaching out to turn the lamp on the night side table on, he wanted to gaze at you, wanted to see if he couldn’t study your expression.

the sudden change of light had your pupils blown, attempting to dilate to focus on the man now sitting straight up, perfect posture, his knees pulled up to his chest with his forearms resting lightly on the knee caps. “something is wrong?”

he poses the question, head tilted lightly to the left to gaze upon your features, god how he loved the way you looked in the moonlight, so pure.

you had no words to retort, rather nodding your head in the slightest explanation; your eyes flat as his emerald ones twinkled in the light illuminated by bedside lamp, fingers tapping against his tanned skin.

“beloved.” he sighed, he hated when you acted like this, “come here, speak to me.”

it was rare you didn’t follow his requests, not that you were a dog by any means, but the two of you tended to follow each other’s orders, requests, commands, whatever you wanted to call them, out of pure respect and love.

“i can’t.” god your voice was so small, so meek, damian’s brows immediately furrowed in confusion.

“why not?”

you were sure you were going to combust, two years of holding this secret in, how could he the detective mot figure it out, why can’t you keep it in any longer?

he tested your name aloud, your eyes forcing to focus on his, “you are worried about something, yes?”

“i need to leave.” your voice was firm, flat, and with that your body lifted with your feet the cold tile of your apartment making shivers explode across your skin, you felt hollow.

you didn’t look back, you started walking out of your own room, ready to leave gotham, you couldn’t do this tonight, could you ever?

you didn’t hear damian shuffle from the bed, heavy footsteps stomping across the floor after you, your mind was pounding with your insecurities.

and damian didn’t think he heard you right, he was almost frozen at first. he started blankly at the wall after you began your departure waiting for the movements to kick in, for his feet to start bustling after you like his mind was telling him too.

he wasn’t loosing you, under no circumstances could he ever loose you.

he wanted to be gentle, he wanted to be soft, but he went into survival mode almost as fast as you did, grabbing your wrist as you started for the front door, pulling your body heavy into his chest, a thud emerging from the heavy sound.

“what are you doing?” his voice was flat, laced with hurt as his eyes attempted to find yours and after coming up empty his free hand that wasn’t grasping your worst came up to grab your chin, forcing your gaze on him.

“i’m leaving.” a scowl fell upon his lips as your emotions turned off, a skill you learned by dating the robin, the heir to the demon.

“obviously.” a sigh escaped his perfect plump lips, “why are you leaving beloved?”

his thumb came from your chin, pressing his tough finger tips to your cheek, wishing for you to be open with him, emotions and all.

your eyes scanned his, scared of his reaction, yet no emotions were released from your eyes, lips, your body language. damian was floundering as he gazed upon your body, he needed something to analyze, he was terrified.

“because you’ll hate me if you know the truth.” the words tumbled before you even knew what happened, your eyes tearing from his to look at the tiled floor and the mess left in its path from damian’s gear.

“oh please.” the smallest upturn of a smirk rested on his lips, he wanted to make this okay, he wanted you to stay with him, “you and i both know that i would never hate you.”

you kept your gaze on the floor leaving damian’s heart and small smile to drop, he was terrified now, worried, god he felt so helpless.

“you doubt my love for you?” he asks, receives no answer. “you doubt my dedication?” he asks again, no answer. “do you doubt my loyalty?” again no answer.

“i could never hate you.” he repeats his previous words, hoping for you to listen to him, to hear him.

“you will.” you confirm, two years of lying, even if he understood why he wouldn’t accept it, you were sure. “so let me leave dami, remember this.”

“stop playing the  martyr.” his voice was stern now, hands dropping from your torso to cross his chest, flat lipped as his eyes turned to skits in front of you. “let’s have an adult conversation,” he proposes, he hopes he didn’t do anything to make you feel this way, “let’s talk this out.”

“you always think you can fix things.” you mumble under your breath, the confidence bubbling within you to meet his gaze, one that was getting narrowed by the second.

he hears everything.

“well maybe i could if you told me what happened.” he snapped back, his hard exterior coming back on now, he’s going into survival mode, he’s trying to stop his heart from falling to pieces.

what could he have done to hurt you?

“just let me leave.” you weren’t annoyed, not in the slightest, you were heartbroken.

“no.” his brows came down from the furrowed state, he knew better than to be snappy, rude, guarded right now, so he tried to calm himself, he attempted to break down his own walls so he could do the same to yours. “two years together, two years of you being worried sick about me, me about you, two of you having to hold a secret of mine and my families, two years i have loved you, loved you more than anyone in my life, and i will not let you leave.”

his voice was soft to match your own, but his words strong. he wasn’t letting you go, he did nothing wrong and neither had you.

“but i have my own secrets too damian.” you snap, arms flying in attempt to push his chest. you wanted to make him mad, you wanted to push his limits, you wanted to make him leave you so you didn’t have to.

he tested your name aloud, not even flinching as your hands rested on his chest after growing too tired to bang on his stone body any longer. “what secrets?” your head hung lowered and body wavered closer to his chest “well? speak beloved.”

you couldn’t tell him, the words wouldn’t physically form, you couldn’t, you wouldn’t.

but we all know your mind never listens to the heart and the heart to the mind.

so as you submitted to him, fearful and so broken inside, damian gazed down at you, his hands coming around to wrap his wrapped and tough fingers around your waist, pressing the smallest kiss to the edge of your hairline before straightening up, waiting for you to drop these so called secrets into his lap to play with.

but you still weren’t speaking, tears flowing down your cheeks without warning. damian’s eyes glossing over as he heard the sounds of sobs leaving your lips, hands holding your closer.

and then the room turned a gorgeous yellow color, golden really, like the color damian wears on his robes from his grandfather.

damian could hear your sobs, hearing them was deafening as you wailed into his chest, but his eyes stayed fixated on the flood of colors surrounding him, the golds and then blues mixing like the sky does when the sun finds her horizon.

his mind was flooding with a million reasons this could be happening, a million truths to be told about why the apartment seems to blocked out and changing colors until your sobs are now completely toned out from his mind, and replaced comes a small humming, a humming he recognized to be yours.

shapes begin filling his vision, damian takes steps back, rubbing his eyes and leaving you standing a mess of tears, come from his touch.

scarecrow, riddler, something, someone is  warping his mind, they just be.

the humming starts again and he can finally place a name to the bodiless shape as features pour into place.

it’s you.

the humming continues and in comes another bodiless figure, a black blob slowly turning into something taller, with glowing emerald orbs.

it’s him.

damian is almost catatonic, staring at the colors and shapes molding a scene, one that he hasn’t seen since he painted it years ago, only thought about.

it’s the day he first met you, you and your  incessant humming in the park down by the animal shelter.

he watched the figures paint a picture, a detailed one, one that wasn’t missing a single feature from either of your faces.

he watches the memory unfold in front of him, jaw dropped as your find yourself huddled knees to chest in the middle of the living room, watching his lips slowly close to form a smile.

you watch his emerald eyes haze over with the images, the memory your pushing into his head.

your plan was to do this and leave, but maybe leaving isn’t the answer.

damian sits watching the gold slowly fade from surroundings, the figures of you and him fading back to the abyss where it once lived in his mind. and the first thing he does is find you, find your eyes.

“did you see that?” he queers, crawling his body over to yours, scoping your up to sit in his lap as you both gaze curiously into each other’s eyes.

you shook your head in disagreement, damian failing to make the connection right away but the longer he looked at you and your tear stained face he finally placed the pieces of the puzzle together.

“you made that?” it was supposed to be a statement, really was, but damian couldn’t really comprehend.

“i did.” you spoke meekly, keeping your eyes trained on the demons emerald ones.

silence filled the room for a moment. his eyes never leaving yours, hands gripping your tightly, he had no intention of letting you go.

“meta.” he whispers, forehead drawing into yours so they rest against one another’s, either of your eyelids shutting as you soak in the moment.

“i am.” you answer, though he didn’t need any confirmation, but you did.

then silence wafted over the two of you again, maybe some sleep did as well, you aren’t too sure.

but you both stayed in the position, eyes closed and bodies tangled, as the sun rose and gleamed the golden light through your massive windows. and the sounds of downtown gotham filled your senses, sirens and kids walking to school.

and you expected the worse, you worried that he would take his things and never come back.

so when he pulled away tears started to slip from your eyes again, you waited for it to be goodbye, but of course goodbye never came.

instead damian grabbed his beloved, sweeping them right off their feet with a small smile, starting the track back to the bedroom, the place where you both should have been all night in the first place.

placing you softly on the sheets, pulling the blankets up around your body as he climbed in next you, his hands finding your waist as they circled and pulled you closer to him.

a small humming, your humming tune, sounded from his lips as did a few peppering kisses across your face, and those damned emerald eyes looked down at his beloved with twinkle of love.

“show me another.” damian softly whispered to you, eyes shutting as he nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck, pressing kisses to your collarbone.

you gasped lightly from his words, causing his hands to encircle you tighter out of fear. “you want me to show you another?”

he nodded, smiling against your skin, he wanted to see more golden memories of you desperately. “why?”

now his head lifted and eyes could kill as he pressed one chaste kiss to your lips, “you are a gift, my gift beloved.” he smiled as his lips rested above your own, pressing another small kiss to your lips before pulling and smiling up at you, “i want to see everything the way you do.”

“but i’m a me-“

“your mine” he stopped you, eyes narrowing, “my beloved.”

you stared at him for a while, your heart so swelled you were sure it would explode soon. how could you ever think he would hate you? how could you ever doubt his love for you like that?

“come now beloved, show me another.”

a/n

i could do another one, more of a friendship one if you guys want, like damian being forced to work with a titan meta or anything like that<3 but here is my first damian au

hope you enjoyed :,)

[ichayalovesyou]

(Re)Discovering A Strange New Spock: “The Naked Time” (1x04)

Previous: Charlie “X”

Next: The Enemy Within

A meta anthology where I re-examine TOS, especially Spock, in light of the new information Discovery & Strange New Worlds has revealed about him to us.

Onto the Analysis! (SUPER EXCITED for this one!!)

Opening Banter w/ McCoy

Now, the appropriateness of Bones’s comments in regards to Spock’s physiology has been a topic of debate since the moment that the nature of Spock & Bones relationship has come into question.

We know they’re both massive smartasses, the most pointed of Bone’s remarks being “assuming you call that green stuff in your veins blood”. Which poses the question, has Spock obnoxiously corrected or split hairs or revealed something he should’ve said much earlier about his own physiology talking to McCoy? We know for a fact the answer is yes, often while also calling Bones ability to do his job into question a la “beads and rattles”.

If my speculation is right, McCoy probably expected Spock to go off on some “um, actually” monologue. Instead he gets a snide remark about how happy Spock is his physiology is not Human. Ironically, admitting to delight, which is of course, an emotion.

If there is anything that notoriously, repeatedly pisses Bones off is Spock looking down upon humanity and being disgusted by the humanity that is within himself. That flares Bones temper more than any insult Spock ever throws at Bones himself. He bites his tongue this time, but we know he won’t always.

All that being said, this is the friendliest they’ve been (with Jim’s life not in the balance) since the M13 Salt Vampire incident in The Man Trap. Even if the banter is condescending, it’s better than outright arguing/hostility.

Spock & Chapel Under The Influence

So the WHOLE point of this episode is that the virus not only intoxicates but reveals the hidden nature/truths that the infected individual has been repressing, it unleashes emotional inhibitions. My point being…

I don’t think Chapel has admitted ANY of this to Spock’s face before, ever. In fact, I’m willing to bet they will never have anything candid and truly romantic in Strange New Worlds because of the newfound significance of this scene.

She will be pining for him for the next seven years, because he is engaged. She will get engaged to Roger Korby, who is so much like him but not. Roger will disappear, presumed dead, before they can be married. But Spock is here, she knows Spock is alive, and this virus is making her feel some kinda way about it.

Another layer to this is that Spock’s feelings regarding Chapel are obviously perturbing for him. This much is true in SNW as it is in TOS, he’s letting her touch him but refuses to call her Christine, Chapel only calls him Mr. Spock. The familiarity, the friendliness is gone but the emotions are there. He says “nurse, you shouldn’t-“ because they’re both engaged, but he lets her touch him.

The way he freezes and turns when she blurts out “I’m in love with you Mr. Spock” is such an Oh God No moment for him. Which is why I’m thinking she NEVER told him the truth. He can’t even look at her as she makes truthful, intense observations about who he is that fill him with shame even if they shouldn’t.

Then all he can do is apologize profusely! Is he apologizing for being human or for being Vulcan? Is he apologizing for leading her along without noticing? Is he apologizing because he doesn’t love her in the way she would like him to? Is he apologizing because he can’t be with her because they’re both engaged? Is he apologizing to her because he wants to do away with the failings of emotion altogether??

Is it ALL of these things at once?! Probably! Not only that this is one of the last times he calls her Christine post SNW! I would like to say THANK YOU Strange New Worlds for making this scene so ridiculously juicy! Holy moly!

Spock Under The Influence

After an incredibly emotional encounter like that, is it any wonder Spock has a full on nervous breakdown? All that grief, all that rejection, all that turmoil erupting to the surface the minute he walks away from someone who understands him, or at least tries. Regardless of how he feels about her.

We haven’t seen him process any of the awful emotional losses he’s taken up to this point. So we can presume that losing Michael, letting Pike sacrifice himself for him, his failing engagement with T’Pring, and now the intense encounter with Chapel are all hitting him like a ton of bricks. The virus isn’t allowing him to use his Vulcan training to compartmentalize any of it anymore.

He tries to use the good old fashioned Vulcan mantra “I am in control of my emotions” which fails. He then tries to calm himself by telling himself he’s an officer, and “my duty is to” to what? To your family? To the sister you lost? To the fiancé who’s rejected you/you’ve rejected?To Starfleet? To the Captain you lost? To your new Captain? Who provokes new emotions in you that you despise? That sends him flying off the handle even more. Logic and duty are failing him.

He stumbles over to the view screen, he tries to communicate? To work? “Too late” too late for Chapel to reach him because he’s chosen his Vulcan nature over his Human one? Too late to stop himself from caring about other people? Why? Because Kirk carved into his heart before he was aware and could prevent it? All of the above? Again, probably.

Then, he tries to start doing math (presumably). Which is where the L’tak Terai comes in. My guess is it gets worse when he’s distressed, he can’t do whatever he was trying to do on the monitor if he’s too upset to keep the numbers, or anything else, ordered properly in his mind.

We see him desperately try to communicate with Michael and his mother in Light & Shadows by repeating the coordinates to Talos IV in the wrong order over and over. We can only assume he feels like he’s lost his grip, so for whatever reason he is, with effort, counting by twos, in order. This also fails him as he ultimately becomes a sobbing mess before he can get to eight.

The problem isn’t because logic is failing him or because of his L’tak Terai, it is because he has been deeply, vehemently, neglecting his emotions.

“I’ve Got It, The Disease… Love”

When Kirk enters, Spock immediately reveals more of the truth to Jim. His attitude toward his mother has changed since the earlier meltdown “just because one of my ancestors married a human female” has transformed “my mother, I could never tell her I loved her”.

Chances he regrets how he’s been regarding her previously. Which lends more credence to my L’tak Terai (inherited from Amanda) theory. While his resentment for his father always broils beneath the surface. This is the closest he’s come to relying on his humanity since SNW.

“Jim, when I feel friendship for you I’m ashamed” he says this like a revelation, like he wasn’t aware of the shame until now, or at least not it’s source. He’s allowed himself to get close, and the sign he’s beginning to accept that lies in the fact that he only calls him Jim in this scene. He’s allowing himself to care about Jim and acknowledging that truth within himself. Something he’s been fighting since The Man Trap.

But Jim (understandably) isn’t listening, which frustrates Spock. He’s trying to be vulnerable against his usual judgement right now. So he speaks in the language Jim is speaking, violence. They’re hands are locked in a stalemate for a moment. A stalemate Spock could easily win if he wanted to considering he smacks Jim across the room moments later. The logical conclusion is that he allows it to be a stalemate.

We already know how Vulcans regard touch, touch of the hands especially. If nothing else it is a desperate “stop fighting me, look at me, please listen to me” move, perhaps telepathic, perhaps not. I wonder if Spock had surmised that the disease transfers through touch, and in his inhibited judgement, allowed himself to infect Jim. Forcing Kirk to be as vulnerable and uninhibited as he is.

What does Jim do as he realizes the infection has gotten to him? He tells Spock not to love, whether he’s referring to Spock telling him he was his friend, a confession of affection, or was informed that love from when their hands clutched. He is telling Spock not to love him, that they’re both better off without love.

Spock watches with sympathy as Jim reveals that the weight of being the youngest captain in the fleet, not only that but captain of the flagship, is CRUSHING him. Jim interestingly correlates how Spock feels about him to his burgeoning affection for Janice, but feeling as though he can’t ever reach for her. As if those feelings weren’t all that different.

Like Spock, he’s terrified that if he lets himself feel, it will destroy everything he’s worked so hard to maintain. In this, Spock looks at the man he’s finally allowed himself to acknowledge as his friend, and sees himself. In that moment he follows his sister’s advice “find the person that seems farthest from you, reach for them”.

All he can do to help Jim now is to try the impossible, the one in ten thousand chance. He does the thing that is hardest for him to do, he follows his gut and takes the risk, the intermix formula. Because right now, it’s the only chance they have, and Jim needs him, Kirk said as much himself.

Closing Banter

When Spock enters the bridge, he’s still infected, and asks Kirk if he is alright. He calls him “Jim” in front of the entire crew for the first time, rather than as a hushed aside.

There’s a subtler conversation going on between Spock & Jim when Kirk asks what the time warp did to them. He is not only asking in a literal sense, but asking what transpired in the conference room did to the two of them.

I believe this confirmed that when Spock tells him they have three days to relive. Almost as if he’s asking if he wants to just pretend what happened did not, that it’s water under the bridge. Kirk’s response is “not those last three days.” As if to say no, what happened between us matters to me.

“This does open some interesting prospects Captain” then conveniently followed by some technobabble. The question, now that they both acknowledge the confrontation was important for their relationship, is what do they do now?

“We may risk it one day, Mr. Spock.” Other than the literal professional conversation they’re having what else could this possibly mean? Other than that they will one day risk openly caring about each other, being open to love, whatever form that does or does not take.

It is an unbelievably important moment for their relationship, and for Spock overall.

[freefloydcollins]

Obviously I'm devastated. I loved her! She posed so many questions! And this reveal answers some but not all. Let's break it down.

How did Hagakure get in to UA?

We can now forget everything we think we know abt her. I mentioned this briefly in a Meta I wrote a while back but her invisibility and her light refraction abilities don't line up. So it seems pretty obvious at this point that there is more to her quirk than she's shown us. However, she couldn't really use those extra abilities in the entrance exam bc it was being taped, so teachers would notice and then press her to uses her actual abilities in class and whatever. So she didn't leverage hidden abilities to pass the exam, so the question still stands: how did she get in? Did she really get enough points? Here's my theory:

Hagakure did not take the entrance exam. She signed up for it, but rather than actually try n fight robots, she just snuck in and manually changed her score to make sure she got in. I don't think she has a staff contact, bc if someone on the staff was already working for afo, he would have no need for a student spy. If anyone questions her on this she can say they can't see her in the exam footage since she's invisible.

What is Hagakures quirk, really?

Things we have seen her do:

Be invisible while naked

Refract sunlight into a blinding flash

Bend aoyamas laser

Turn her whole body into a shimmering rainbow

So we know she has a light refraction ability. Whether she's inherently invisible or not is up for debate. I said this once before: invisible things cannot refract light since by definition they cannot interact with it

We also know that should Toga drink her blood, she would not turn invisible. Hagakure does not have a mutant quirk that made her physical form inherently invisible.

HOWEVER, we once saw a family photo of the Hagakures. All of them were invisible in the photo. Why? What's going on there? That's question 3.

Where has she been?

She's never done anything important. She was almost killed by the gas from Mustard. Why wasn't he more careful? Why didn't she make sure she was out of the gas zone before the vanguard showed up? Why hasn't she done anything of note in the entire story?

Why bother being a traitor when you can just be a regular spy who snuck onto the campus and observed quietly? You cannot be seen. She had to sneak around when the kids are out.

I'm so sad. Invisible Girl my beloved