#I love him so much I have to start chewing on him
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[BW] Yandere!Dinobot/Reader [hcs/thoughts]
tw/tags: heat cycle, yandere themes, mentions of stalking, jealousy, possessiveness, a tinyy bit suggestive. word count: ~700 a/n: born to obsess over underrated characters forced to yap about the popular one (but I'm joking, I love them all, I'm just sad that Beast Wars is not talked about as much as other shows).
some quick thoughts in between requests because if I don't express it now, i will forget about it.
okay hear me out on...yandere Dinobot. I know Beast Wars is not really popular in the fandom, but oh my god, this ugly handsome man
we all saw that maximals/predacons share those animalistic traits that are connected to their beast modes. Rattrap likes to chew on scrap, Cheetor acts like a cat and even meows, Tigatron considers white tigers as some kind of family; Tarantulas and Blackarachnia have that rivalry for obvious reasons (bad for him).
it would be funny if they also had some type of cybertronian heat cycles.
even though Dinobot is heavily influenced by Jurassic Park velociraptors, I still feel like he'd act like a big bird rather than a lizard. or something in between, of course.
Yandere!Dinobot is overprotective and snappy as hell, to the point he considers even other maximals as a potential danger to you. Unlike more rational bots, Dinobot has no shame at all. It would cost him an arm and a leg to admit it to you, but he's actually jealous. Of what? There's no need to find any reason to explain his behavior once the season starts.
Yandere!Dinobot is vocal; he will growl, hiss and snap his teeth at anyone who tries to approach his mate. All maximals know that it's not the time to come near the two of you, but the unrespectful predacons...I'm a sucker for duos, their possibilities, and to imagine the dynamic between Megatron/Dinobot, both trying to court the poor reader.
But once the two of you are alone, I can see him having those rare moments where Dinobot lets himself relax. Most of the time he's in a constant state of alert, the dangerous mix of his primal instincts and that warrior code of his just tells him to take you somewhere far-far away, so no maximal or predacon will get you. So maybe he can rest just for a little with you next to him. Dinobot definitely makes soft purrs, even to his own surprise.
Yandere!Dinobot is a stalker. Maybe, when it's just the start of the relationship between the two of you, he will try to somehow justify it, at least. Like, “I am just testing your skills, a true warrior must be always alert. You don't know when the predacons attack you next” , but the more you grow closer to him, the more he lets himself be a tiny bit warmer to you “You should not wander off alone. Stick closer to me”.
Read it, and don't forget a little personal nickname he has for you, which he adds at the end of the sentence.
It will also be funny to imagine Dinobot being a little too invested in building a nest. It also gets more awkward if your beast mode is some far different species. Why would he need to collect your stuff from your room? And why is he so adamant about you always staying in his room? He is holding you so tightly that you practically have no chance but to stay. So clueless!
“Is that [...] from my quarters?”
“Just be quiet and start recharging, you irresistible fool!”
Dinobot himself is a little embarrassed too if you start asking too many questions. He doesn't like being all vulnerable, even though he trusts you very much to know that you will never make fun of him. His own mind is clouded with not so innocent thoughts, and it actually becomes a big problem when he tries to focus on his training or fighting.
I don't think Dinobot would try to attract you with those silly dances reptiles/birds do to impress their mates, but when he is in his beast mode, you can definitely notice his tail wagging just a little bit when you're around. Rattrap probably picks on it faster than you and teases Dinobot about it until the two start fighting again.
#dinobot x reader#bw dinobot x reader#yandere x reader#tw yandere#yandere transformers#transformers x reader#beast wars x reader#bw dinobot
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part 2 of the dave angst fic 🤞
Warnings: Smut, mentions of spanking and rough sex, fingering (f receiving), angst, if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!
Part 1
He never planned on letting you cum. Well, no, he did, but as the night wore on his anger just got worse and fucking you just wasn't enough to settle it.
You were laying down on your side, your ass was red and stinging from him spanking you, your scalp hurt from him tugging on your hair. Your body was sore everywhere from him using you, cunt puffy and bruised, sensitive in all the wrong ways.
Dave had the decency to tuck you in but the sheets stuck to you, he never bother cleaning you up. You were turned to face him, holding the blanket up to your mouth. You couldn't stop crying, tears staining the pillow under your head, coughing into the blanket, your breathing ragged and unstable.
Dave sat on the edge of the bed, refusing to look at you. He was deep in thought, about work, about tours, about everything yet his mind never crossed to you.
He wanted you to stop crying, although it was less of that and more that he just didn't want to hear you crying, so he got up, slipped on a pair of pants, and left the room, leaving you to cry alone.
You cried until your voice went silent, until your eyes and jaw hurt and you had a headache, until you were about to pass out. Dave sat in the living room in silence, staring blankly at the black screen of the TV, elbow resting on the arm of the couch, chin on his closed fist.
After a while you hurt too much, emotionally, physically. You needed Dave to tell you he was sorry and that he loved you. So, despite the pain circulating through your body, you got up and took the blanket with you instead of going through the effort of getting clothes on.
You went and found Dave sitting alone. Your plan had been to go join him but he heard you coming and snapped before you even thought to get a word in. "Go back to bed." His tone was harsh and quick, a bite in his words that made your eyes tear up again.
You tugged the blanket tighter, holding it to your mouth. You just wanted a moment of his time, he didn't have to say anything, all you wanted was to be held, something, anything to show he still loved you.
"I love you." You said, it came out shaky and softer than a whisper. Dave's chest tightened as your words hit his ears, his head whipping around to see your broken demeanor.
He got to his feet and rushed over to you, a look of worry and concern taking over his expression. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" He asked, quickly scooping you up into his arms.
You tried to wipe at your eyes but it was useless, you couldn't stop your tears from flowing. Dave carried you to the couch and sat down with you in his lap, holding you close and letting your rest your head against him.
"Hey, hey now, it's ok, sweetheart." He said, kissing your forehead, you temple and the top of your head, wherever else he could reach. "Just take your time, I'm not going anywhere."
You got your crying down to hiccups and sniffles, face now littered with Dave's gentle, loving kisses.
"Can you tell me what's wrong?" He asked, voice soft. He held your face in his hand, cupping your cheek as he'd done time and time again.
You sniffled, thinking of the right way to word it. "You-your not mad anymore..?" You asked hesitantly.
He shook his head, kissing your forehead again. "No, I'm not mad at you." You stared up at him a moment.
"That's not what I asked, Davie." Dave sucked his teeth and chewed his cheek, eyes flickering over your face.
"I was never mad at you." He started. "But I am mad, and I'm sorry if I made it seem like it was your fault."
You stared up at him, tears brimming your glassy eyes once more but you didn't let them fall this time, no matter how much they stung. "You left." You stated, voice breaking in just those two words.
Dave's brows furrowed. "I left?" He repeated.
"You left, you hurt me and then you just got up and left." Dave thought about what you were talking about, replaying everything that happened.
"I hurt you?" He asked, it was the most important part to him, he would get to the rest of it in a minute but he needed to know if you were in pain. "Worse than normal." He added. It wasn't unusual for you to ache for the next day or two, or seven, having a hard time walking and sitting down was also not uncommon, but you always had Dave there for you and it just didn't feel like that this time.
You shrugged. "No, not really." You said, your ass stung more and you shifted uncomfortably in his lap. "But you didn't love me."
"I love you, sweetheart." He said before you could continue with anything more. "I love you, you weren't ever supposed to feel otherwise." He held you tighter, wanting to envelope you entirely. He hadn't thought too hard about it in the moment but now he was seeing it, there were no 'I love you's, no 'is this ok' or 'you're doing great'.
You sniffled and clung tighter to him. "How do I fix this?" He asked, resting his head on top of yours.
You shrugged before looking up at him, kissing his jaw. "Just love me." As he looked down at you a smile spread across his face.
"Ok, sweetheart, I can do that." He lifted you up, letting you hide under the blankets you had wrapped around your naked body as he carried you to your shared bedroom.
He set you down on the bed, laying you on your bed so he was hovering over you. He smiled down at you, looking over you in your cocooned state. "You look tired, sweetheart." He said, looking at your eyes as they fluttered open and closed.
He flopped onto his back beside you and got out of his pants, tossing them to the floor again. You wiggled your way closer to him, he laughed at your worm dance just to be closer to him, to rest your head on his chest.
The downside was he was now laying completely naked with no blanket to keep him warm, on the upside you were adorable and smiling again.
"You just want sleep." He said, kissing the top of your head sweetly.
You gave a small confirming hum. "Yeah, but you can help me sleep."
He laughed at that. "I don't think you need help, sweetheart." He said, watching your eyes struggle to stay open before you just gave up on trying. Still, he tugged at the blanket and managed to unravel you, pulling the blanket over himself and slipping his arm under it, bringing his hand to your cunt.
He kept an arm wrapped around you, holding you to his side, the other working on pleasing you. He was gentle, careful to not hurt you after what happened earlier. His fingers were featherlight on your puffy, neglected clit, not even bothering to go near your abused hole.
It kept you awake but the warmth of the high creeping up on you and the wave that crashed down on you, it put you to sleep instantly.
Dave was much more careful around you after that, whether he was mad or not he would try his best not to act on it. He made sure you knew he loved you, every morning and every night he told you just as much, he did whatever he could to prove it.
#megadeth x reader#megadeth smut#megadeth imagines#megadeth fanfiction#megadeath#megadeth#megadeth rp#dave mustaine smut#dave mustaine imagines#dave mustaine rp#dave mustaine fanfiction#dave mustaine#dave mustaine x reader#dave mustaine x you#dave mustaine fluff
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could we still get some Dahlia thoughts even tho she didnt win the poll? (also, I tried finding the fic for her yesterday but I cant find it, do you have a link for it?)
I got so excited seeing this it went straight to the front of the queue wjskkx LMAO. Dahlia hasn't been posted yet :3 obligatory tag for @hypnoneghoul
Dahlia was the oops baby of Swissalps. Swiss didn't even have ANY idea he was knocked up until he was 12 weeks. They had just gotten back from tour and Mountain had been BEGGING him to get checked out as obviously this wasn't a normal cold picked up from humans.
When he found out he just... Kinda paled. Him? Knocked up? There's no way in hell. Do another test... No, that one can't be right either. There's NO way! Ohh, but yes way. He ended up walking back to the den in a daze, finding Mountain and talking to him about the results. They talked for HOURS. Mountain completely neutral on any choice Swiss wanted, Swiss at a loss of what to do.
Laying cuddled up that night before he finally whispered he wanted to keep it. "Then we'll keep them... If in the end, we don't want them, we'll talk to the delivery team, okay?" Mountain nuzzling down on Swiss' neck. "Okay..."
They told the others pretty quickly, getting excited and supportive reactions! Papa even sat them down and had an equally long discussion about how they'd move forward for tours, etc! He was happy to start arranging accomodations and care, even saying how he'll start getting things for a nursery if that's what they wanted (they ended up asking him to wait a bit on that.)
You'd think Swiss was an earth ghoul from how frequent he got flowers in his hair, but they very much copied what he was feeling. Lilies when he was upset, roses when Mountain or someone did something really nice for him, or dead flowers when he wasn't feeling well or just in a bad depression rut.
One time he got mad at Cirrus for some reason, and as she went to follow him in the room, vines shot out from a nearby pothos they kept and completely closed off the entry. After that, it wasn't uncommon for vines to be covering Swiss like a cocoon when he wanted to be left alone or felt like he was in danger.
When he finally had their little daughter? Oh she was perfect in every way. Honestly looked a lot more like Swiss minus the hooves and her horns matching Mountain's. She loved chewing on her hooves a lot, biggest gummy smile ever, chewing on Swiss' braid.
Her name is Dahlia, and literally has the WORST bambi legs. Despite this, she's always had a knack for sports especially (American) soccer. Even as a kit would squeal watching the children of sin playing, or when they'd turn it to the American channel. When she was able to get leg braces? PHEW it was done for.
Just super loud, "Dad! Think fast!" And kick it towards Mountain, only to completely miss and break the window. "Oops..."
#the band ghost#ghost band#rabrev writing#swiss ghoul#mountain ghoul#ghoul kits#dahlia kit#cw pregnancy
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King Consort pt. 3
Summary: ‘Queen of the Damned’ esq, Terry’s disciplined restraint awakens a queen of the damned. Maha, daughter of Akasha, is awoken on a half moon night when the sun kisses the moon in the light of day. After surviving the bloodshed and corruption of Shelby Springs without shedding the blood he wanted, Terry finds himself under the gaze of a goddess whose thirst for balance in all things can suddenly only be quenched by his company. How did he get here? Does he ever really wanna leave?
Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, the snowball is starting to go downhill and outta my control, smut, this man is haunting my dreams.
A/N: Sorry yawl, this was supposed to be a short thing but the story is taking me on a journey now. Part 4 otw.
Terry made sure that Maha leaned against him with her back against his chest, staying silent until he felt her relax all the way. He had a feeling that she had only been showing him the tender care that she’d been missing for who knows how long. He was more than happy to soothe the hardness in him by gently cupping the softness of one of her breasts in one hand and her plush belly in the other. As she rested in his embrace, head reclined into the crook of his neck and her eyes closed, he watched as the furrow in her brow completely disappeared. He didn’t know why that was what finally got him to relax himself, but he was grateful for the ease that seemed to grace both of their souls. This intimacy was just what the doctor had ordered for them both. So they basked in it for a long while, lost to time moving forward for it felt that they had frozen it just to enjoy this moment.
“You know,” Terry said as he moved his hand from gently squishing her breast to grasping her throat to tilt her head up at him his other hand still resting against her womb, “I should know the name of the goddess that’s brought me all this way.”
“Maha, my king,” she rasped out, voice filled with yearning and lust as her eyes fluttered open to hold his gaze mirroring the emotions swirling within her.
He lifted the left side of his mouth in a half smirk, wondering what she had been imagining to sound like that.
“What does it mean love?”
Maha cleared her throat a little and tried to look away to gather herself unsuccessfully when Terry tightened his grip ever so slightly. “My parents named me after Ma’at, in a time when many new languages were arriving to Kemet. Arabic and Sanskrit had been popular at the time so my mother chose Maha which means half moon in one language and mighty in the other. She always told me that Ma’at was the epitome of a half moon, capable of simultaneously showing and hiding her might, as soft and unyielding as the water the moon controlled.” Maha gulped at the look in Terry’s eyes, she didn’t know how this explanation had riled him, but it added to the yearning that pulsed through her body.
“I don’t think they could’ve chosen a better name. You hold the keys to both heaven and hell, don’t you?”
Maha shrugged her way out of his arms, suddenly feeling on fire with the way he seemed to look through her, see her past without fear but fascination, and stood to try and regain the composure that seemed to constantly flee under his gaze, “I have my moments.” She chewed on her bottom lip and tried to think of how to get out of this intense moment, but wasn’t given much time to be able to. Terry followed her easily, holding her against him in the same way, one hand against where her womb lie and the other gently grasping her throat to lift her face to meet his own.
“No my queen, you do. I could tell with that first dream that you had been sent from the other side blessed by the natural balance of this universe. Then upon my arrival you washed me in that very balance, somehow rousing and appeasing both the restrained man I am and the beast I have struggled to keep under lock and key my entire life. You’ve already made living with this beast more bearable than anything or anyone I’ve tried until this point, wrapping us in all that you are so that we have come to a state of what I daresay is collective peace. I feel at home lil mama, something that has eluded me for far too long. I am blessed to be in your presence, let alone have the opportunity to bring you great pleasure, peace, and love - maybe one day even to become your protector.”
Her breath had quickened at his words. No man had ever saw her so clearly before, had welcomed the pleasure she could produce and the hell she could raise with such clarity and disregard for their own well-being. All she had told him was her name and he seemed to read the pages of her life and longing with just that. Everything this man did and said made her believe more and more that she had truly found her king. That realization terrified her for the first time in her life she thought, true fear was not a known emotion, she had walked in the pits of night before she was ever gifted immortality. It took entirely too long for her to identify this emotion of hopeful fear twisting its way through her veins, but once she had it became nearly unbearable.
Maha tried again to move out of Terry’s grasp, but his hold tightened the longer she not-so-subtly fought to remove herself from his embrace. Terry scrutinized her face as she continued this futile attempt to stop the moment they’d been having with no problems until she started obviously overthinking and was surprised to see tears being held at bay. What had he done in these last moments to have gotten his goddess so afraid all of sudden? Terry held her closer, tighter, moving his hand so that his entire arm wrapped around her torso. He enveloped her in him and he prayed that whatever he was made of could help this woman heal and trust that she could hope for a better forever. She could trust that he was the right man to hope for those dreams again with.
Her parents had given her the ultimate princess’ dream of life, even in the afterlife she was given choices and time to see that their love for each other survived. Blood spilled aside, they were a unit and that is the picture of her future she drew from as she finally accepted joining them. It had been the one thing she hoped to find for herself and she envied about her parents until her mother murdered him for some white boy and here this fine ass black man was making the nearly forgotten little girl awaken within. She always wanted a black prince, just like her baba and here the universe had brought a black king. Trying to escape the best way she knew how, she wondered if he could make his way up a tree to get her down just as her dad had done so many times.
Terry got out to put a towel around his waist and held one open for Maha as she got out, wrapping her up like a burrito with her arms tucked by her side. He easily scooped her into his arms and walked them into the bedroom, gently laying Maha onto the bed so he could grab the oil he seen her with earlier. Maha was trying to gently wiggle her way out of the towel to no avail when Terry came back into the room shouting a quick ‘aht aht’ that instantly stilled her movements, but quickened the heart rate in her pussy even more. God this man was making a mess of her and it was always when he wasn’t really doing anything. Maha didn’t know how much more of this she could take.
“Let me take care of you for a little bit mamas. No moving.” Terry said as he sat on the bed, dipping her body closer to him from the shift in weight.
“But you need to be taken care of more than me. You’re the human and I’m supposed to be doing that!” Maha whined. He was destroying all the plans she had of catering to him and getting him to really relax enough to give her the opportunity to see more of him than he’d usually show. Yes she wanted his beast but she had no idea how effective the subtle softness of how they were wrapped together to urge her towards submission was at producing results she’d never experienced. The more and more he drew her in with those fucking eyes that stormed like a hurricane in the bayous that had arrived from the islands the harder it was for her to try to even stop complying.
“This is you taking care of me,” Terry said with a smirk as he moved Maha with ease, somehow getting the towel from around her and turning her onto her stomach, all while keeping the towel tucked under her. He leaned in to peck the scrunch in between her eyebrows and said, “relax, please my queen, let me take care of you the way we want to.”
Maha’s pout quickly turned into a bite of her lip as Terry held eye contact leaning on one arm while he rubbed her butt with the other one. She started to look away but Terry was quick to catch her face and bring her eyes back to his.
“You know I got you, right?” he asked, maintaining that position, holding her face and rubbing that same asscheek.
They held that moment for what seemed like forever to Maha, she felt as if he was filling in a picture of what the rest of the universe that she hadn’t seen yet looked like, just by being the one to have her here, like this, as a human. A unique and well match indeed if she’d yet to exchange any kind of offerings and they had only just started. Just as the rest of her thoughts were helping her run away from her body and how he seemed to have her locked in a spell, Terry lifted his hand and popped her hard as hell. The glazed look she once had locked back into the moment and refocused on those fucking eyes and it took all the millenia she had survived to control her body from cumming. By the time she opened her eyes again, not remembering that she had even closed them, Terry had a self-satisfied smirk that did not bode well for her future. Where the fuck has this man been all her life?
Terry calmly went back to massaging that same cheek as he continued on like he didn’t just probably leave a bruise and almost make her cum without using all of his strength but still more than he’s probably used on anyone else. “That’s okay my goddess,” he kissed the spot that was still tingling, “I’m a different kind of man,” his voice turned almost unrecognizably gruff, “and I have a different kind of a beast.” He pulled away and said, “now you just lay right there and let me work mama.”
As he stood holding eye contact and grasped his towel with an, “I mean it mama,” Maha gulped and nodded. She was not prepared for the growth that Terry seemed to have had since last she got a close look at his crown jewels. Everything about him seemed…
“I’m just gonna get myself first.”
“But-”
“Aht, you got me earlier, it’s my turn now,” Terry continued as he oiled his body and stretched a little while he watched Maha as she looked at him and got a gradually thirstier and thirstier by the look in her eyes.
“But my king, I still need to feed you the food I prepared!” Maha whined a little more earning a hard glare and internal promise to himself to add to her punishments for the evening.
“You will be feeding me everything you prepared for me.”
Maha gulped again at the way he emphasized ‘everything’ while maintaining eye contact and oiling his very full and definitely throbbing dick and balls. She wanted him to empty everything into her, to take his seed and keep it and him warm. Now! But As she stared him and that beautiful body down from head to toe, he was going to make her wait for both.
“Yes my king.”
Terry was pleased with his handiwork but he was scared too. He never lets Shadow out of his cage unless it’s absolutely necessary but Shadow was urging him to, she was worth it, she was necessary. It seemed too easy to him, especially since it was so hard to keep his cape buffalo side, a gift from his father, pleased enough to accept any woman. He’d had a short, albeit wild history considering that he was half were and not usually accepted by other supernatural beings. They always underestimated him, she didn’t though he thought as he looked at her with his arms folded and his eyes doing everything they could to pierce her soul.
“My king? May I ask a question.” Maha asked externally while internally, she was wondering what the hell happened to her voice. It was all whispery and meek, like she could be crushed beneath this mere man. Was he a man?
“Oh, now you want to ask me for permission. My goddess, I am happy to cater to you and I am truly glad that you’re already self-correcting, but tonight we’re going to have a conversation about boundaries and permission.”
“Yes my king, but may I still ask?” She looked up at him with this heartbreakingly sweet and soft look combined with a voice that was making him leak from his tip and a piece of his heart leak through the cracks in his beast.
He growled out, “fine,” but it was her responding bright smile and ‘thank you’ that nearly made the man completely buckle and worship at her feet.
“Is there a reason you’re getting bigger my king? I wasn’t sure of it earlier, but something is definitely different and your blood was unlike anything I’ve ever tasted or been able to be sustained from. I hadn’t realized it since it’s been so long.”
He smiled at her observations. “I was wondering if you would notice. Have you come across any weres in your time?”
She smiled and nodded.
“I’m only half were so it presents especially when I’m ready to mate and other special occasions,” he said eyeing the entirety of her being. Usually I’d be afraid to let Shadow out like this but I have a feeling you’ve been waiting for him as much as me.”
“Whatever gave you that impression?” she answered with a tone and twin smoldering look that nearly lit his restraint on fire.
Fed up with her teasing tugs on control of what happened next, Terry moved to her otherside and gave her left asscheek the same treatment as the right. He was pleased that she held herself together cause that smack came with a little more Shadow than the last one.
“I’m glad to see you were listening to the lesson. We’ll do very well little one if you keep up this good girl behaviour.”
Terry got on top of Maha, letting his dick slide between her cheeks and transfer some of the oil from him onto her, half holding himself up with one hand in a one-handed pushup while he held her throat tightly, squeezing the sides and asserting the right pressure to have her eyes go rolling.
“But you keep testing the boundaries anymore, keep pushing my limits, keep poking the beast, you gon’ fuck around and find out. But when I give it to you so good you can’t speak, I don’t wanna hear or feel nothing other than you taking it, I make myself clear?” Terry finished with one lick up the side of her face and a bite to her jaw.
Maha nodded and tried not to wiggle or cum or even breath too hard. This was a certainly a well match.
#fictioninmyblood#fictioninmybloodworks#black fanfic writer#black!oc#terry richmond#terry richmond fanfiction#terry richmond x black!oc#king consort
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Dandelion giving himself these fuckass crazy stats in his TTRPG book compared to his original character sheet in the core rulebook is the best summary one could ever get of his character
#the witcher#the witcher books#the witcher ttrpg#dandelion#dandelion witcher#julian alfred pankratz#for reference here. in Geralt's character sheet he has an 11 in swordsmanship.#DANDELION GAVE HIMSELF A FUCKING 26 WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM#hes so dumb i hate him so much#I love him so much I have to start chewing on him
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it's looking like a restless night for me once again and i can't lie at least half of that is the fault of me thinking too hard about how memory worlds work
#larry time#since starting to write FTBC ive been GRIPPED by the idea of like#an au where yana goes into a memory world to try and resolve his regrets wrt how kiru was treated when they were younger#but in the end he realizes that like. its just a memory he can't Fix it so all he can do is come to terms with what happened#because for how much i like to write them as being at each other's throats they do love each other very much. there's a lot that only they >#know and understand about each other.#and yana i think retroactively has a lot of regrets about like 'i would've helped her then' but he was a kid himself! and he didn't know!!!#and he doesn't quite understand that kiru doesn't blame him for that or for anything#shes just happy that he doesn't turn his nose up at her like the others on that side of the family#sorry guys they make me wanna chew batteries. maybe I'll draw some stuff for this au i dunno#BUT PAST THAT i wonder how different memory worlds Look for each person#like do they all glitch like karamatsus? or do they have different looks based on each persons sensibilities#so much to wonder about and it literally doesn't matter at all my god. im in too deep
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From the start . . .
#mp100#if i think too hard about the parallels between them i will start chewing on drywall!!!#the adults in Mob's life who only got to know him because they were trying to use him!#but Dimple was honest about it and Reigen lied!#and even though their original intentions were awful#and they did both genuinely hurt him#they've come to care about him SO MUCH#and he cares about them!!!#even knowing the truth!!!#and they have to acknowledge the hurt or it will just fester#but once they have it doesn't need to define their relationship going forward!#they can accept it!!#they can be friends!!#THEY BOTH LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH!!!#uuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!#broccoli blogging
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i know too fucking much about qsmp badboyhalo.
#and also. not enough#that one big summary of his Deal was like . 1k words.#and it brushed over so much shit#like his trust issues and the vacation arc and his criminal background (on qsmp) and the way he was the first to take protecting the#eggs seriously and i dont even KNOW enough about his relationship with maxo and the french that is a big blindspot for me but bad and max#(and foolish?) og founders of the theory bros the first people who started questioning cucurucho and then the french his family the people#who keep proving to be on his side over and over and i love it when he hangs out with pierre and talks create#and when he chills with antoine and helps fix the big spinning ring#and his WEIRD warrior's bond with etoiles (bad always gets along with the protectors have you noticed that#forever was the second big egg protector and baghera took care of pomme from the start and cellbit threw himself to the feds to try to help#the island and etoiles took the weight of the code attacks from bad's shoulders to his own in entirety. he respects them all a lot and i am#chewing him to pieces)#and his relationship with baghera!!!! she can read him so so well and he fucking trusts her enough to be dapper's mom#he may have felt weird about it and was jealous and :c because tahts HIS dapper but#he didn't kill her about it#or really do anything to discourage it#and he noticed her tear streaks and her leg and got Worried about the federation 'fixing' her and#genuinely he was so so happy when he realized she was back he went !!! mode#look. LOOK at these fucking tags. look back at the post. i can Keep Talking.#my point remains i know too fucking much about qsmp badboyhalo#shit and i didn't even TALK about his weird bullshit with foolish#i need a giant corkboard
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ILY FP 232
Better known as: trashlie is STILL climbing the wallls and TAKING YOU WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look idk what I can get away saying in these intros without being spoilery anymore because by the time I sit down to write this I’m just VIBRATING AWAY on pure energy. You know when you feel words at your fingertips but you are too consumed by other menial tasks you’ve no interest in doing so you gotta bide your time and it just grows and grows and grows until it bursts out of you howling?
Yeh.......
Let’s jump right in!!!!!!!!!!
I’m gonna be real with you guys - it’s gonna take a LOT for me to not to do rambling long repeats of things I said last week. I’m gonna do my best but... 232 is very much a continuation of 231 so it is what it is!
Leading up to the episode my friends and I were talking and the general consensus was we hoped Shinae would try knocking down Nol’s door but alkjjjkafjkafkj DIDN’T EXPECT SHE WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO TRY TO BULLDOZE THE DOOR ON HER OWN AND START SHOUTING AT HIM THROUGH THE DOOR LMAO but listen Shinae so very PERSISTENT!!!!! She’s so over being thrown out, SO over being shut out, and it’s all right there in front of her but she just CANNOT see it for what it is, cannot understand what is compelling her besides that she cares.
And boy does she care.
Her frustration is, as I said last week, completely justified, of course, but in this case, they’re both justified and that really does her no favors, does it? Yelling and banging on his door, trying any tactic she can to get him to open up, to rethink his decision to cast her out. He has basically told her “come back when you figure it out” but she doesn’t know what “it” is or what else could be there, so she can only feel like he’s shutting her out once again, refusing to open up to her after just reconciling.
At the core of Shinae’s frustration and persistence is fear. She’s so afraid of losing him again, terrified of yet another important person letting go and turning their back to her.
And as much as I feel for Shinae, I also can’t help but feel for Nol who is on the other side of the door, unable to make himself walk away from it, arms pinned at his side against the door as though he doesn’t trust them to not reach for the door handle, doesn’t trust himself to maintain the boundary. He’s kicked her out - but barely. He can’t leave the side of that door while Shinae stands right outside of it, banging away. GOD I enjoy the agony of it, I NEED MORE. Shinae’s threats are so comical but she’s literally grasping at straws and he knows it. The same Nol who broke that day in the rain is barely holding it together, knowing that once again he is causing her pain.
As readers we know that once she figures it out, she’ll understand. As soon as Shinae understands what Nol is trying to get her to see, she’ll know exactly why he had to draw that boundary and keep the space, but in this moment she doesn’t know any of this, and it is just so agonizing!
Just as she’s been confessing all day long, she continues to tell him all the things she can’t see for what they are - how much she hates when he shuts her out, how she can’t understand why they’re back here when they just go out of this and GOD i love it because you can FEEL how much she cares. Even if she doesn’t know what the feeling is, even if she can’t call it what it is, she cares so much! And you can see how much it hurts him! How difficult it is to stand there and let her think he’s casting her to the streets again, to have her fight so passionately for him for them when he understands now what kind of hurt he’s inflicted (and continues to inflict!!!!!!!) GOD
Nol understands so well his resistance - his resolve - and knows he has to keep that physical barrier between them. Even before he could barely look at her when he did, when she flustered under his gaze and command, he threw her out before he could crumble all the way and there’s something about seeing it illustrated this way, showing us rather than telling, how hard this is for him. I’m sure his thought is that once Shinae figures it out - once she knows her feelings, once she can understand his feelings, once she can see what Dieter saw that hurt him so much, she’ll be the one to draw the boundary he struggles so hard with. That once he’s not the only one who knows, she can stop pushing him, can stop breaking him down, can act on the effort he can barely muster.
I love that panel of Shinae banging on the door while he stands on the other side, face screwed up in frustration and agony. It’s so difficult, it’s SO HARD. She’s going on about being shut out, about how “ a misunderstanding” has come between them. She’s so scared their relationship doesn’t mean to him what it means to her, so scared that he’s content to throw it all away, so scared that she will lose him once and for all - and he has to stand and bear it, knowing he’s causing her to feel these things, knowing there’s no easy way out.
UUUUUUUUUUGGGHHH SCREAMS
It’s the sheer irony! That the thing he wants her to comprehend is the VERY THING she’s yelling at him about, it’s the very thing compelling her.
Well. That and her sleep deprivation LMAO
I never shut up about noticing when characters have their eyes closed, but it’s such an important part of quimchee’s subtle storytelling. Note how Nol’s face is still screwed up in frustration when he tells her to go away, followed by telling her she’s so damn annoying.
I’ve already seen that there are people reading that at face value but over here round these parts, we know better. Nol’s eyes closed as he tells her to go away, while he stands with his door still pressed against the door.
He so easily could have walked away, gone back to his bed across the room. Instead he stands there, torturing himself as he listens to her yell at him from the other side of the door. Nol tells her to go away because he needs her to go away, for his peace of mind, for his crumbling resolve, but on some level, of course he doesn’t want her to. Of course sending her away, pushing her away, walking away from her is difficult, is something he forces himself to do, that is so incredibly difficult for him.
Let’s not forget him at the curb retching after hurting Shinae in all the worst ways and then walking away and leaving her in the freezing rain.
Quimchee literally doesn’t need to spell it out because it’s all right there for us to see. It’s in his closed eyes, in his back against the door he can’t pull himself away from, in his frustration, in his crumbling resolve, in his sheer agony.
Let’s also not forget how this all started. It wasn’t even initially about Dieter - it was about Nol hiding himself away, about him refusing to show the parts of him that she really wants to see, about how it hurts her that he can’t open up. At the heart of this lmao it’s literally about how Shinae just wants to LOVE him and he wants her to understand tHAT SHE DOES.
SCREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love this episode it’s so good it’s got me chewing through my freaking keyboard trying to write this AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LKAJFKJFAKJAFJKAFJKAFJKAFJKAFJ
But, of course, the important take away is that Shinae cannot see the forest for the trees. She’s so caught up in her own intense feelings, lost in her fear and what she wants so badly and she only knows how to fight. Shinae is a bit of a short fuse but it’s even worse because of the harrowing 24 hours she’s been through. To think so many episodes ago she was moving back in to her home with Simhan! It feels so far away after everything that’s transpired! She hasn’t slept, we know she hasn’t really eaten in hours, she’s already in a foul mood after how her dance with Nol soured and how upset she got about what he hides from her. There’s now way for her to be rational - trying to literally kick in his door lmao - or think things through because her despair and frustration is so all-consuming it just clouds her judgement.
There’s something so funny about how Nana takes her away and suddenly settled down, Shinae just goes full sulking lmao. I love how impetuously teenager it is, too, for Nana to tell Shinae that she does, in fact, need to leave, that is isn’t actually the big deal she thinks it is but Shinae is like blah blah OLD PEOPLE WISDOM IS NOT NEEDED HERE alkjfakfjkafjfa lmao
It must be so funny to Nana, that this little spitfire girl is fighting like hell for him, fighting so hard to not be cast out, and can’t understand WHY she’s fighting, what any of it means lmao like aflkjafjkafjkafj
Of course Nana knows. Anyone would be able to tell! From how awkward they were around each other in the room, how sulky Nol was fiddling with her headband (AND THE BLUSHING), the whole argument they’ve had about Dieter - who Nana knows!!!!!!!! Had a crush on her!!!!!!!! Of course she with her decades of life can see exactly what Shinae is fighting.
Taking her away from Nol is important. I LOVE this exchange they have: Nana: You’d need the right key to get that door open. Shinae: And? A key isn’t necessary when you use enough force! Nana: But you could damage the door. And nobody likes an intruder. Breaking doors could get yourself kicked out and never be able to come back. Both literally and figuratively. You wouldn’t want that now would ya?
I’m sure Nana must speak from some kind of experience. Thinking about how she took him in when he left the psychiatric ward where it seems like he was traumatized, from where he still carries so many unhealed wounds and scars, after losing his mother and being left all alone in a foreign country with no family, made to believe he’s some kind of monster like the loss of his mom was his fault, that he deserved everything that came to him. The special name his mom had given him had been worn down and destroyed, tainted and made to mean nothing. He comes home and he doesn’t even go back to his father, to their family, but someone he’s told is his grandma. How can he trust her? His own father doesn’t want him, he’s been sent to live with some stranger, away from his father’s family. An outcast, an outsider, all alone.
She probably tried so hard to get through to him. How do you reach someone like him? How do you get through to someone who keeps everyone at arms’ length, who is so full of fear and self-loathing, who has been made to feel so insignificant, so worthless, a mistake, a monster. We still don’t even know just how bad it was locked inside there. His fear of Yui, his aversion to medication and hospitals, how much he detests tea, his touch aversion. How much of what he believes about himself - that he caused his mother’s death, that he deserves all the bad, that he will only bring harm to those he loves, that his existence is a mistake - came from there? GOD it hurts lmao lajfjkfjkafjk LIKE just writing this makes me want to howl. This is such a foundational aspect of who Nol is. He’s not just some melodramatic teenager (which even isn’t a bad thing) but he has spent a significant portion of his memorable life in survival mood, just fighting to stay afloat, fighting all of the demons who hold him down.
Nana loves him so much, that much is so clear. And she knows him so well. She knows what he needs is time, she knows how stubborn and obstinate he is, and she probably knows all too well how he shuts others out and how, much like quicksand, the harder you fight and struggle, the worse it will be. Her line about breaking doors can get you kicked out is so loaded. Did she try to break his doors, too? Did she try so hard to reach someone who wanted to be so unreachable and found herself on the other side of a door, too? aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
Just thinking about he was just this scared kid so alone and she believes her daughter took her own life and she didn’t see it coming, didn’t imagine her the person who would do it and it reminded her that you never really know, do you? He was this kid so closed off, so alone, who hid so much, and we’ve seen her reach out to him over and over, encourage him to spend time with people who care about him. I’m sure a part of her worries, fears, that maybe he’d go the same path as his mom. Don’t think I’ve forgotten how he told Dieter he “tried to visit his mom”. That HAUNTS me and I bet it’s something that haunts her, too.
(Alternatively, if he came out with his Yeonggi mask, ready to fake his way through, ready to force a smile a joke a laugh to pretend everything is fine when under the surface she can see it’s not. Remembering how he met Dieter, I think the Yeonggi persona was a thing that grew the more he tried it on, but whether or not she met him as this scared lonely kid or this kid with a fake mask on, we just know she’s been THROUGH it trying to reach him with everything she’s got ;____________;)
Getting to see so much into their relationship makes me feel SO FUCKING FERAL. Knowing that yes, Nol DID talk about Shinae to her, that contrary to what we’ve seen through much of this series, Nol didn’t always close himself away in his room locked up with his thoughts and self-loathing. That he would go home and talk to Nana about people who piqued his interest, tell her about his hare-brained attempts to befriend them, about the struggles he faced in getting through to them. Did she see the fond irony - that someone who once was so hard for her to reach to get through found someone who was just as difficult to get through to and one day he went from talking about how difficult she was to talking about her as his friend? GOD it gets to meeeeeeeeeee. She must’ve seen the shift, too - when she went from being the subject of his attempt to help out Dieter to being his friend, to mattering to him.
I’M IN AGONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I wish we could see a little bit of that, of the Nol he was so briefly before he had to put the walls back up, before the self-loathing fully consumed him again, before all the tendrils of shadow wrapped themselves around him and began to drag him back out of the light again. But fortunately what we DO get comes close. That moment earlier when he told Nana about how he’d already seen his friends, how they all came to celebrate his birthday can you believe it? GOD MY HEART ACHES.
I suspect we’ll probably be seeing more of them because clearly someone needs to talk with him - someone rational and removed from the situation, someone who can try to make him see that he cannot help his feelings, that he cannot control all situations, and is any of this really your fault? Is it his fault at all that Shinae didn’t like Dieter enough that way, that it didn’t happen over time? Is it his fault if she instead saw something in him that she flocked to, if there existed something between them that she wants to fight so hard for? AAAAHHHHHHHHHH
Both Nol and Shinae are so stubborn so OBSTINATE and they’re both STRUGGLING so of course it was wise of Nana to take Shinae away, even if she had to trick her lmao. Shinae at Nol’s door only makes it worse, could, as she said, push him to lock her out for real. Nana knows that Shinae hasn’t been cast out, she knows what the problem is, but of course why would Shinae believe her? lol It’s that obstinate teenager thing that makes me laugh so much now that I’m well passed that stage - so certain that no one could possibly understand what you’re feeling, that they couldn’t possibly understand what is wrong lmao
Honestly, Nana and Shinae are nothing like I expected them to be, and I really love that. Nana barely even knows her, but she does know how to poke and wheedle her. Everything feels so poised to help Shinae zero in on the reason behind her frustration.
I really love that she revealed to Shinae that Nol has told her about her, that she has, from the sidelines through a biased lens, watched their relationship grow - and as a result, saw the effect she had on him, what their friendship did t and for him. Even though Nol has told Shinae she’s special, because he’s so hot and cold, because he doesn’t open up, because she doesn’t get to see him, it’s hard for her to really internalize that it’s true. How can it be when he’s so willing to throw away all of this, right? So for Nana to reveal that she knows all about how closed off Shinae used to be but that changed didn’t it is such a MOMENT for her. She doesn’t look like she can believe it - Nol talked about her? About how she fought him and ran away?
More importantly, Nana is trying to give Shinae a little nudge that she can’t yet see. She tells Shinae she’s not trying to make her feel bad about turning down Dieter, but to lay out their foundation: that originally Nol was trying to play Cupid, but the arrows got all messed up. I think it’s one of those things that while right now Shinae thinks it’s just people trying to make her feel guilty, soon she’ll see for what it was - the problem lies in their foundation, the reason Dieter is hurt is because of the way it all went wrong. Soon, Shinae is going to be holding her head in her hands yelling about how did she not see it how was she so blind THAT’S what they meant this is what they all meant?! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I find it really cute that Nana is using the same technique as Nol, trying to get Shinae to think about her feelings. Why do you feel terrible? What did you actually do wrong? How does it make you feel bad? And then LMAO baiting Shinae with a hint about the problem in an disguised effort to kick her out LMAOOOOOOO to be fair, she DOES give Shinae the hint, just..... not the way she wants LMAO
The way Nana gets Shinae reminiscing, thinking back on how their friendship began, how they ended up at this point, just what is so significant about those oranges - the things Shinae doesn’t say about how they symbolize the change from him being this annoying guy that she wanted nothing to do with to this person she CANNOT let go of that she CANNOT lose GOD. That’s SO good. She talks about how she’s so bad at talking about her feelings and opening up and that she’s trying to be better at it - but she also cannot stop talking about Nol lmao
She’s moody about all the things she doesn’t know about him yet. What his real name is, why she’s not allowed to use, how Nana gets to do it why can’t she? Does he hate his name, where did the Yeonggi moniker come from?
“I wanna know where he got it from... There’s so many things I wanna know about him...”
I JUST WANNA GRAB HER BY THE SHOULDERS AND RATTLE HER AROUND lajkfkfjfkafkjafj I love it, okay? it’s one of those tell tale signs - when you grow interested in a person, when you start to like them and you have that insatiable hunger to know them so intimately to know every detail about them you want to know everything about them you want to discover them from inside out. And for her it’s doubly worse since he DOESN’T show her what she wants to see. She’s out here craving to understand him so intimately and can’t understand why he can’t show her that. Why can’t he be vulnerable why can’t he open up?
She is SO HEAD OVER HEELS she is soooooooo full of feelings she wants to know everything he’s hidden GOD!!!!!!!!
HOW ARE THERE PEOPLE WHO DON’T SEE IT? HOW ARE THERE PEOPLE WHO DON’T GET ANY OF THIS?!
She THINKS there’s nothing going on between them but she’s sulking to his grandma, she’s upset because he won’t show her himself because she wanted to see his face because they shared this intimate tender moment because it was such a SOFT warm HAPPY moment for her and they couldn’t share it because they weren’t on the same level
She is MOPING she really thinks he’s casting her out and she’s terrified of losing all of that.
Shinae over here saying that of course all her relationships with her friends are going to be different but she can’t see why this one, in particular, is so dire, doesn’t understand what the everything she thinks he’s throwing away signifies.
GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really look forward to learning more about Yeonggi, because I’ve been really curious about that, too. Was it a name he’d just picked out, what was the significance? I look forward to Nol telling her about it, too; Nana has told her all she knows and anyway it’s better to let Nol do it. It’s better for Nol to know all of this, to hear all the things Shinae wants to know, how she’s so insatiably hungry to know everything about him, how she just wants to know him - everything there is to him the good the ugly the things he hasn’t shown anyone else ;A; aaaahhhhhhhhhh
Nana is really the PERFECT character to REALLY bring in for this arc. She goes head to head with Shinae lmao and dances circles around her. The whole distracting her as she evacuates her from the building while getting her to dwell on her feelings? PERFECTLY executed. Telling her the hint she’s looking for is that SHE is one of the problems LMAO aklfkafkjafjfjf What’s she supposed to do with that information?!
Of course, like I said earlier, like Nana is telling her, some down time WILL do wonders. Right now her head is so full of intensity, but when she steps away, when she’s mulling and dwelling and sleeps and assuages her crankiness when her brain can go back to functioning well, THEN she’ll be able to think about it, THEN she’ll be able to figure out what the key is. But right now she’s just making things worse - for him, for herself, and for their problem.
Sleep deprivation really messes with you lol especially when she’s spent the most harrowing night of her life. Can you believe that this probably beats out THE KIM FORMAL because this time she NEARLY WATCHED HER BEST FRIEND DIE OUT IN FRONT OF HER?! Christ!!!!!!!!!
And besides Shinae, Nana, and Nol, this episode feels like it’s nudging a couple other things. The pointed emphasis on the hospital departments and floor board feels like a nod that Hansuke will be bringing Kousuke here for his CT scan. On the one hand, I’m really excited to see more about Kousuke and what Hansuke is thinking. I’m no doctor but I assume a CT scan might be able to indicate some kind of drugging just because how it would affect the brain, right? A brain on a particular medication would look a certain way? Forgive me, science was never my strong suit and I don’t know the difference between a CT and other scans lmao but I imagine if it’s the kind of imaging that can indicate neurons firing and active parts of the brain, maybe it would tell them enough that they should try more labwork? Especially now that Hansuke knows about the hormone imbalance and has picked up on Kousuke’s fixation with tea and it being one of the only things he can remember (that he’s admitted).
But on the other hand..... Nol has SO much going on, is he ready to face Kousuke again? Like, don’t get me wrong, I want to see more of them, especially knowing how worried Kousuke is about him, that he hasn’t forgotten what happened last night or that he caused it. But with everything Nol is dealing with - the aftermath of it all, feeling like an asshole for hurting Dieter, Shinae, all of this, is he ready to see Kousuke again? I guess part of me worries that Kousuke is... yknow. More fragile and that if he fights with Nol, it might affect the progress he made? Or maybe now that they had that er... “heart to heart” now that he confessed those sins his fears he would be able to hear Nol out without deflecting?
I just know if Kousuke ends up at the same hospital and he spots anyone from Nol’s circle he’ll try to find him lol he IS worried (and worried for HIM not based on Rand or punishment or any of that). He’s got no idea how Nol is, where he is, what happened, how bad it is. GOD. HARROWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone is going to be SO HAUNTED by this night.
The other matter is, of course, the custodian taking out the trash when Nana tells them they should go somewhere private, she doesn’t want “him” eavesdropping on the conversation. Initially I’d assumed this is because ultimately she is trying to get Shinae the heck out of there and it’s her excuse to get him out, but it could easily have been written “So no one can eavesdrop” right?
The theory is that this is one of the people that Yui probably pays to act as a spy for her so that she can keep track of people and always knows what they’re doing, so she can always be two steps ahead. The only thing that really gives me pause regarding this, though, is that she has no idea where Nol is (yet). She has no idea where Rand took him, and I can’t imagine she employs people in hospitals all over the city should anyone report anything suspicious to her. So how would this be one of her spies?
I’m not saying it’s not possible at all because he WAS very emphasized, but it just leaves me wondering if Yui doesn’t know where they are, how could that be a spy, right? But look, sometimes the narrative pulls a fast one on us. We can’t see what she’s up to at all times, now can we?
All in all, I really loved this episode and I’ve been loving this arc SO MUCH. All of this everything since the Christmas party has been SO GOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!! Seeing all of those plot lines really converge and the stakes go higher has made every episode a treat to read, but I love that in the midst of this, Shinae and Nol have this very big, important thing to clear up. Over the course 230 episodes we’ve been watching these two grow so important to each other and honestly, I love watching Shinae fight for him like this, even if lmao she’s going at it all the wrong way. For someone like Nol who is so used to being invisible, to have her putting up such a fight, confirming whatever feelings he can’t be sure if she actually feels, would be such a welcome thing - except for the reminder that Dieter has been hurt in the cross-fires. I really want to see Nana have a talk with him and maybe TRY to get him to see it, that you cannot control feelings, that acting on them isn’t bad. That Dieter WILL come around, that he isn’t really much of a friend if he puts his own wants and happiness above Nol’s.
But of course, Nana alone won’t do. Nol REALLY needs to talk to Dieter, too. But unlike Shinae, Dieter seems to know he needs to be alone for a little while. He’s got to sort out his own feeling and untangle that hurt. Thinking about things from his perspective IS painful - Yeonggi cut them out, he blocked their numbers, he refused to see them, and then suddenly he shows back up after asking to be left alone, he almost DIES in front of them, and Dieter wakes up to witness Nol and Shinae having this moment.
He’s got a lot of things to sort out, too, he needs sleep and room to think.
I’m really interested to see how all of it plays out. For Dieter’s sake, I hope there’s some kind of explanation because unlike Shinae, he and Soushi are still in the dark. Why did Nol leave and come back? Why did he box them out? He showed so much affection when he hugged them and told them he loves them so I’m sure they know that he has his reasons but still, people have limits. They deserve to know what Shinae does. I she willing to have that talk, though?
aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
I imagine we’ll probably be veering back to Kousuke here shortly, if not the next espisode. I imagine Shinae may get picked up before that.... ? Maybe? It feels like we were JUST with Kousuke, but I don’t think we’ll be revisiting Yui JUST yet. Maybe we’ll see Shinae get home, let her thoughts pull her to sleep, and then go visit Kousuke and Hanske? IDK god knows I can never predict what’s coming next but no matter which direction we go, we don’t go wrong!
It’s so funny that the fabled Minhyuk party was something that I thought would happen and then we’d slide slowly into a timelapse taking us through the first time jump to graduation and stuff but SURPRISE: NOL ALMOST DIED, KOUSUKE IS UNDERGOING HELL, NOL’S FREEDOM HAS BEEN EXTENDED, CHRISTMAS IS COMING UP!!!!!!!!! We have literal DAYS left until Nol goes away, and then do we even immediately go into our timelapse timeskip?! Quimchee talked so much about how she didn’t want to have to draw snow, so at least so much of this takes place indoors but LMAO it’s still kinda funny
aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love this webtoon so much I love this story so much I love this whole arc honestly it’s been hit after hit for me and I’m so glad I get to keep screaming about it every week at all of you and just scale walls and swing from rafters I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#I Love Yoo#ILY Brainrot#ILY Spoilers#ILY FP#Stalkyoo#Shinae Yoo#Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn#Nana Lochlain#lmaoooo#Eleanor Lochlain#Kousuke Hirahara#i'm still chewing through the cables yelling about my feelings AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#also while writing this i had SVT - Home TXT - Ghosting MX - Blame Me and#Shownu and Minhyuk's Have a Goodnight on repeat and BOY did they give me the feels wow wow wow#love to just inject more feelings into favorite songs aljfakjfjkafjafjafjkaf#I'm really looking forward to seeing Nol and Nana talk - partly because I just KNOW he's gonna be SO pathetic and I'm gonna eat that UP#partly because I think Nana can get through to him to some degree#if only it's to point out that Shinae clearly cares SO MUCH and he needs to be careful not to push her away lest he be left with only their#memories#also thinking about how nana and hol's relationship must've started out put me SO DEEP IN THE EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS
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I am reading the play Becket now (of course I am) and it’s interesting how some lines are just slightly different. In the movie we have:
LOUIS: Why does he hate you so?
BECKET: He's never forgiven me for preferring God to him.
And in the play:
LOUIS: He really hates you, doesn’t he?
BECKET: (Simply) Sire, we loved each other and I think he cannot forgive me for preferring God to him.
They loved each other!! He also says that he’s been talking to Henry since he left him. Meaning what, imagined/one-sided conversations??
LOUIS: I shall try to persuade him to make his peace with you. Should he agree, will you be willing to talk with him?
BECKET: Sire, ever since we stopped seeing each other, I have never ceased to talk to him.
Also of note, canonical threesomes:
KING: […] Ten years spent together, little Saxon! At the hunt, at the whorehouse, at war; carousing all night long the two of us; in the same girl’s bed, sometimes… and at work in the Council Chamber’s room.
And this part at the end of their last meeting, on the beach. Becket asks for a kiss and Henry denies him because he’s too distraught?? (This comes almost immediately after Henry’s “whole body is shaken by a sob” and Becket, “moved”, tries to approach him but Henry tells him to stay away because he doesn’t want pity.)
BECKET: (Gravely) Farewell, my prince. Will you give me the kiss of peace?
KING: No! I can’t bear to come near you! I can’t bear to look at you! Later! Later! When it doesn’t hurt any more!
#aslfjsja the whole beach scene is so much#in the movie too but this last extra bit in the play 💔#becket#some changes I get tho. in general the movie dialogue is just more succinct#peter o’toole’s performance of the ‘I loved him!’ speech in the movie feels perfect to me#but I love that in the play the stage directions have him literally start chewing his furniture lmao#jean anouilh#becket 1964#gimme that good good melodrama
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i swear to g-d im& not even the jealous type but jfc i HAAAAAAATE this feeling when im& just lowkey like. who's :)))))) this :))))) bitch 👀👀👀👀🔪🔪🔪🔪 :))))))
#arcana.vents#& its like. kinda irrational bc we're just friends & just vibing & we're not even together but like. i cant help it so fuck me ig lmao#like obvi he can have friends & shit & w/e so im not gonna like. tell him anything bc i dont wanna like push him away or push anything yk??#& he said he missed me & everything but like. damn. why arent you talking to me like that. i wish you would talk to me like that.#i miss you too & i wish you would tell me you loved me more :<#im just like bitch chill he aint even your man. but he's sweet & good to me & he's deadass one of the funniest ppl ever.#& we have literally so much in common & he said i was a miracle & resilient since birth & that sb should make a documentary about me ehehe.#& we're both autistic poc4poc & have a lotta solidarity between our communities & he makes me blush & giggle & i love his curls & his smile#& the color of his skin's so pretty & he said that it'd be neat if we just. played videogames in a pillowfort#& he makes spongebob refs & he likes anime & horror & buffy & ethel cain nicole dollanganger & lana del rey & he got a nasty ass vocabulary#& he said it'd be cool if we explored abandoned places together & go to concerts together & he has the cutest name ive deadass ever heard#when nicole said ''when i see you i cant find the words to speak my cheeks go as red as two big cherries'' & ''you're so cool''... YEAH.#im gonna start fuckin chewing on the fuckin walls dude. im GNAWING at the bars of my cage. i need him to firmly grasp it.#i wanna feed him the world's sweetest strawberry!!!!#we have lost the entire fucking plot besties lmfaoooo#& i rarely if ever feel like this for cis dudes & my mind is blaring sirens like he gonna leave me im just. getting war flashbacks to. yeah#the red sirens be blaring like HE'S GONNA ABANDON ME!!!!! its so irritating#ill be goddamned if i EVER feel replaced to that degree ever again. id actually rather get hit by a car & throw myself into the sea lmao#UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BPD SPLITTING I HATE YOU#this was from a few hours ago but i forgot to post it so lmao
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Thinking about Kairi & Sora but mainly Kairi and going insane. Girl you have so many issues
#blue babbles#I think she should get worse actually I think it would fix her/hj#I think she needs to figure out who the fuck she is. I think she needs to figure out who she is completely without him#to become someone who isn’t defined by his presence or absence#I also think she should explore her gender. use he/him pronouns as a treat. she doesn’t gotta stick with them#but I think trying it out would be helpful.#I almost think she would benefit in a way that might screw her over a bit to think Sora is 100% dead and gone. not waiting for him not with#him not searching for him and sudden being forced to mourn him because there’s nothing else to do.#I think in a way she’s been mourning him for years already but to truly feel and acknowledge those feelings would be great for her#him coming back would screw her up a bit again (bc of course he’d come back) but in the end she’d have a better leg to stand on with ever#I also think being friends with Ventus might help her? I don’t know give her friends man. I want her to form connections.#I think Roxas and Naminé’s relationship with her should be explored too.#I need to put her under a microscope. I need to stick her in a blender. I need to watch her to be stripped down to her very core#and then build herself up again. she needs so much therapy#there is something very specific about the way I am insane about her in particular. she is has The Issues Ever to me I need to dissect her#I’m chewing on her like bubblegum. I love her she deserves so much better#also she deserves to be hugged. to be given so many hugs.#I think she needs to start over from the beginning with Sora and Riku. they need to build a new friendship instead of playing in the ruins#of an old one. they don’t know each other and they’ve known each other since they were small and they are now strangers.#I need them to not see each other for decades i need to lock them in a room together I need Kairi to punch them directly in the face#something she may struggle with because she is 5ft. but she deserves it#one of the characters ever I need her to scream at someone#there’s something about her that is just the ever. the character ever to me. I love her
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HIII DUDE good afternoon how r u how's the tokyo ghoul rewatch going!! i would. Love 2 hear ur ghostkicks and/or tg thoughts literally at any given time. taking ur joke tags absolutely dead serious because im trying 2 figure out How To Write Them currebtly & we're doin a bit of wrangling in the google doc 😭.
u know i have the brainrot so so so badly because im on episode 3 of tg and all i can think is "i can make a pd au out of this" so im feeling rlly normal abt it basically. im blaming it on unravel.
ANYWAY. ANYWAY. ANYWAY. YEAH. HI. GHOSTKICKS. they are soooooo. tired depressed introvert gets adopted by a loud bubbly extrovert trope. at least on the surface. like how they behave at school in season 1. thinkin abt jimmy going "what is UP with bro behind u" and william just ominously lurking there. and how dakota defends him later !!!!!!!! idk how much of this youve gotten to yet bc i dont remember when it actually comes up in canon bc its such an ingrained part of his character but dakota is soooooo. guard dog coded. this hits especially hard in the "what if pd were villains" oneshot but its sooooo prevalent in canon too.
they both hold each other in the highest respect. william sees dakota as the prime (ha) example of what a hero should be. hes brave hes kind he does his best to protect everyone no matter what. hes all the things that william Isnt. BUT !!!! dakota also looks up to him !!! hes so smart hes good at problem solving hes so curious about everything and asking questions and poking his nose into things that nobody else would even consider. dakota knows hes not smart so he automatically looks to william whenever he needs a plan or someone to tell him what to do when he feels lost. they complement each other and they dont even !!!!! know it !!!!!!!
also regarding williams powers. fuck dude. season 1 he was so fucking scared of himself and ashamed of the things he could do . he hid every time he had to use wisp form !!! but dakota always thought it was so cool and was not QUIET about it. boy went fucking STAR EYES the first time he saw wisp form !!!!!! i will never stop thinking abt the first rolled for season 2 where charlie goes "if dakota hadnt left, he probably wouldve been able to convince william to keep using his powers and not to completely disregard their existence like he has been" and . considering what william is like in season 2... god this wouldve been a COMPLETELY different fucking campaign. theyre so. incredibly soulmates to me. theyre so important to each other theyd do anything for each other. i cant say too much more without accidentally giving you spoilers bc i WILL keep talking and not be able to shut up but GOD fuck ghostkicks enjoyers eat so well in the latter half of s2. moirails. 2 me !!!!!!!
#anyway pd tg au: will as kaneki dakota as hide vyncent as touka .#tempted to say tide is yoshimura but for some reason i vaguely remember him being fucked up evil. dont know if thats actually true or not.#also trying 2 decide whether mal or kimuri would fit better as rize. not the exact character but like the.#oh youre being haunted by this guys soul. actually probably kimuri is better but hes not like. Evil yknow.#i will likely regret saying all of this once i get 2 later episodes. if i stick with watching this idk if i will or not lmao#but i remember none of the overarching plot of tg so im going solely on the characters up to ep 3.#anyway im not ever going to do anything with this but this is a fun little peek into my twisted cycle path mind#this is how i enjoy media when im obsessed w something else#THANK U FOR THE BEAFT. WHAT A LOVELY SHRIMP YOU HAVE#aauagahagahghhhhh. ros i cannot wait for u to have the ghostkicks knowledge i have. g#im going to start biting things. they make me crazy. theyd do literally anything for each other.#i loooove ghostknife dont get me wrong. im a huge ghostknife warrior#i love williams lamebass awkward teenager crush so much. and i think they should kiss.#but also platonic soulmates ghostkicks takes up so much of my brain space these days. theyre just so. extremely important 2 me.#matesprit vs moirail etc etc#dakota is williams wingman. etc etc etc.#anyway. im chewing through wrought iron bars currently#asks#friends!!!#intertexts
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youtube
this video is my lifeline right now its like the only clip vid 4 him. wheres his love
#me text#id make my own just to get more out there but i dont feel like editing a video.. sniffle...#roddy#i love him so much. starts chewing on him#im not counting the rodimus fighting galvatron vids those r nice i just like#clip vids. so i dont have to actually watch s3 <3#i swear s3 went out of its way to be more racist than the prev seasons its wild lmao#vids
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i cant believe it took me eighteen years to start listening to fob this band is fucking brilliant are you kidding me. the songs they put out twenty years ago still hit THE SAME grand theft autumn and saturday are timeless and i just had the most religious experience in my room listening to hold me like a grudge seven times in a row. are you kidding me. i love their music so much i need to eat it
#the fact it i started listening to it because of my original characters is soooo based actually. erin kiselyov vincent i love you baby#no but really. patrick's voice is GORGEOUS i Love his vocal changes in the songs and how it matches the lyrics#and petes lyrics are so. god i need to have a coffee with him and ask him so much about books and poetry and writing#AND PETES BASSLINES ARE YOU KIDDING ME I COULD CHEW THEM!!!!#joe is a genius at the guitar. im so serious every time i hear their songs i sit there in awe because he DELIVERS its so fucking flawless#and i need to have a talk to andy because seriously he doesnt miss. what do you mean he can keep up with ANY style are you joking#im VERY normal about this band. i need to see them live#personal thoughts
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//Something I relate to with Samurai Jack, is that feeling of life finding every opportunity to push you back down, to kick your legs out from under you, bring you to your knees, leave you screaming, in pain, desperate, on fire. And yet to persevere, not just for your sake, but because you don’t see any other way. And somehow, even limping, you’ll find a way to wring out peace, happiness, contentment, love, and passion from this never ending path of pain. If you are to suffer, but there is no other way, there must be joy to be gripped with white knuckles and hungry claws, to fight for peace and to strive for hope even in the midst of all your anger and confusion and despair.
I may feel like there’s no way out, but I’ve got to keep moving. There are people out there depending on me to not give up. I can’t let these forces trying to cut my journey to an abrupt end win— even if I’m tired, even if I feel like it’s too much. When I feel alone, I let my mind picture what they’d want, I let myself mourn and wonder and wish, but I don’t let it give up. I can’t go see you yet. I have more to do. Watch me and I will see you when my work is done. But I will hold onto you for all of my life. I will make my life a service to you, my actions a memorial that can be trailed to you. In every move I make I will tell the ones I love, gone and with me, “this is for you, this is for you,” and when I live, even with tears and anger and joy, “this is for you.”
#『名誉: musings』#『 out of robes 』#『 meta 』#『 sharkie chews the scenery 』#//and maybe someday once the oppressive darkness doesn’t feel so close I can say ‘this is for me too’.#//hi guys I bet you weren’t surprised when I didn’t actually start rping again after trying to come back#//that’s because I posted that promo got zero response and felt discouraged#//and then life threw every awful thing it had at me.#//I feel like haven’t been able to do anything but fight to survive lately. been in a bad place#//and right as new year’s started I lost a very very beloved friend and pet unexpectedly and too soon#//I’ve lost a lot of loved ones these past few years. it builds up. I think this last loss was the most unexpected though.#//since then I’ve been in a worse state mentally that I probably have been since high school#//but I refuse to give up hope because that’s what helped me climb out of my last endless pit#//I’ve been really wanting to write Jack again since I posted the promo but haven’t really had much I could do#//plus I’ve been battling all this irl stuff and it’s made it hard to find much left over for hobbies#//but I’m posting this both as a love letter for jack and for those here I care about#//and to say I’m still here. I won’t abandon Jack I don’t think. he means too much to me#//I’m thinking if I start rping him again I’m going to worry less about cosmetics and worry more about getting something written#//I’ve been worried about trying to be presented in a nice aesthetic fashion but tbh I think that’s blocking me from actually doing things#//I’d like to do a soft restart and maybe focus more on the people I know have talked to me and talk to them#//hopefully you will have me back after to much time away and waffling to get started again. I had decent reasons but still#//being away does a lot to severe decent connections#//anyway. Jack means Hope and Healing to me. no matter how much he goes through it isn’t about the pain.#//it’s about the Herculean yet incredibly human task of overcoming constant and monumental odds because you care.#//because at your core is hope and passion and love.#//I‘ve been crying writing this so it’s probably very sappy and unpolished but I’m not sorry lol#//listening to my old playlists I used to play on loop whenever writing Jack or thinking about him and it made me emotional
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