#I literally would not do it any other way lol
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bhaalstemple ¡ 3 days ago
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i finished the game and veilguard was a disappointment lol
spoilers below
the way they butchered solas' character by just making him be led by the memory of mythal; no self-righteousness, savior complex, it was all done bc he wanted to honor mythal
why are the venatori worshipping elgar'nan and not a single elf. ????
how they made mythal far more important than lavellan to solas to the point for a moment i thought she was solas' ex (thank god it was clarified at the end she was only "solas' oldest friend")
the companions are so... lifeless. cheers to bellara for being the only one that feels like an actual human being and not an agglomeration of bad executed tropes (even if at the beginning she was)
the way mythal didn't end up being a villain, when she actively abused and groomed solas (and also morrigan btw) and it made all the sense in the world because she yearned for a reckoning and bring her revenge, a thing she has yearned for and been planning for a millennia because her anger is that strong... but no she just gave it up
the way morrigan's themes of parental abuse (breaking the cycle of abuse) go to shit after she embraced mythal's memories like.... as someone who has also an abusive mother that i broke contact with this made me want to fucking scream lol
morrigan's character also doesn't sound like her AT ALL, why is this woman smiling and being cocky, she's a scholar, a professional, a woman who carries knowledge that burdens her and trauma at the hands of a mother who should've cared for her. and how protective she was a kieran shows how private she is. what the hell. she would not be THAT friendly with strangers lol
and mythal being the only one who truly could change solas' mind at the end (just thinking abt it makes me want to punch a hole in the wall) + the anticlimactic departure of lavellan to the fade with solas is so fucking bad; because of the message it gives (this world is not worth-living for + a woman should spend the rest of her life and sacrificing herself for a man who put another random woman before her) and its joyless execution
if you get any other ending, the inquisitor doesn't even appear. lmfao. bye.
and lets not talk about the post-ending credits scene bc thats actually the thing that i hated the most. it makes all the themes and writing of bioware completely meaningless lol
the funny thing is that i have known for years where would bioware go with dragon age's story and 95% of my theories were correct, but me, someone who is not a writer, would've made a far more compelling story respecting dragon age's themes and nuance. i even predicted that mythal abused and groomed solas, but they executed it so badly that i can't believe these people get paid to write stories lmfao
i literally feel so betrayed, so hollow, so sad, i don't know what to do. i literally just uninstalled veilguard after finishing it. i spent 10 years imagining how the story would go, but id never imagine it would be THIS BAD.
the books, the content, so well-crafted, and so well-executed, just to make a stupid game that breaks all of its themes and leaves them meaningless. what the hell was happening in bioware when all the side-content has so much complexity and nuance (mostly tevinter nights), what happened lmao
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lunarsilver ¡ 6 hours ago
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What are their sexual fantasies?
+18, minors do not interact
A reading regarding your partner - your current one (asking about their permission would be in good taste), or next one, or the most important one, or your future spouse... Whatever you prefer.
(Psst! I will be grateful for your answer to a simple question.)
REMEMBER
I’m not a doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist nor a psychologist. Divination will never replace meetings with them.
It’s a general reading, so not everything will resonate.
If you can’t choose between two piles, probably both of them have some messages for you. You can also not identify with any of them, and that’s okay, too.
Readings can help you make a decision, but they shouldn’t be the main reason for making it.
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1 ~ 2 ~ 3
PILE 1
Six of Swords - Strength (R) - Three of Wands (R) - Back of the Deck: Knight of Swords (R)
Six of Swords literally fell out as I was shuffling, which suggests to me this one is pretty important. Six of Swords is about change, leaving something behind and going on new endeavors. It looks like they’re really eager to try something new, maybe their earlier experience with intimacy wasn’t the best for them. Then we have Strength in reverse which seems to confirm that they felt or feel kind of trapped, and they fantasize about lashing out their raw emotions. The deck I use does not have a sexual theme, but this specific card has one of the most sensual imagery among all the cards in this deck: a woman, full of confidence, poses in just heels and lower underwear, a bra tossed aside. She’s very flexible and has a snake tattoo on her leg. I think your person wishes to be so flexible and confident in their body. The imagery brings a strip club or a sexy dance for a partner to my mind, and while there is a chance your person would like to see someone doing this kind of act (I guess going to a club like this would fit the theme of trying something new), for most this card is simply about having the courage to embrace one’s body and desires. Reversed Three of Wands says this person experiences some delays, some problems on their way to express themselves, and this leads to frustration. Knight of Swords in reverse confirms that. Your person is pretty frustrated sexually, and for some reason is unable to take action. As a side note, both Six of Swords and Knight of Swords in this deck show swords, so maybe some people here would like to try knife play? What’s interesting is that, in the way they lie now, all these swords point in the same direction, but what is exactly this direction? That’s unclear. Let’s pick up some more cards.
I asked for the reason why your person cannot fulfill themselves sexually and why they feel frustrated, and the cards are Seven of Swords (R), King of Cups, The Tower (R) and at the back there is Six of Cups. To put it short, it looks like they have this mental blockage. They may feel like they aren’t worthy of it, or it simply doesn’t fit them. For some, they grew up taught to think about sexuality as something shameful. I think the King of Cups represents them, and if so, they look really lovely and in tune with their emotions. They are at the start of their personal transformation and rediscovering what they like. No specific fantasies came here in this reading, other than the desire to have the courage to try to do what they are or may be into. It could be good to create a safe space for them, tell them that if they want to try something, you may always discuss it together. Whether you’ll actually do it is another matter, but letting them know having sexual desires isn’t shameful is pretty important here.
PILE 2
The Tower (R) - The Hierophant (R) - Two of Wands (R) - Three of Cups - Back of the Deck: Knight of Wands
Only after I realized I pulled four cards instead of three, I guess they have a lot to say lol. We’re starting with The Tower in reverse, so your person wants some inner change. The Hierophant in reverse is about questioning the rules, about freedom. Your person fantasizes about exploring, most likely about doing some kinky stuff. They’re excited about it, they want to do it, but they’re not ready and lack a proper plan or preparation (Two of Wands in reverse). However, it is clear they fantasize about celebrating their and their partner(s) bodies, treating sex as fun, as shown in Three of Cups. For some, Three of Cups suggests them fantasizing about threesomes. A side note, but a lot of cards show some pets, some on a leash, and I cannot help but wonder whether your person fantasizes about some kind of pet play. I think the reversed Knight of Wands at the back represents your person: impulsive, ready to action, fiery and with high libido, but probably they should do some research first. I felt like pulling some charms, asking what this person has to tell you, and the messages are “it will be better”, “I am with you”, “you are a master” (or maybe they want to say you are their master; whether “the master of their heart” or a master as in a BDSM dynamic - I feel like for quite a lot of you, pile 2, your person is a proud bottom, maybe a power bottom or a little a brat lol), “do what you love”, “you can count on me” and “fresh perspective”.
PILE 3
Ten of Cups - The Empress - Knight of Cups - Back of the Deck: The Magician
Okay, all upright, three out of four cards show people, two Major Arcana and two cards of Cups, plus three out of four cards are mainly pink and red. This person knows what they want and they like to be as clear as possible, they’re emotional and aren’t ashamed of it, that’s what I get right off the bat. Ten of Cups shows they’re pretty romantic, they fantasize about an ideal, fulfilling, committed relationship. The Empress and Knight of Cups represent you and this person - and I feel like for most of you, you are represented by the Empress and they are Knight of Cups, given how romantic and emotional Knight of Cups is, and how romantic is your person. The Empress and Knight of Cups look at each other from their respective cards. They look tenderly, smiling a little, and their eyes are on the same level. This person clearly fantasizes about an equal relationship, where at the same time they can adore you and spoil you. The Magician at the back suggests they manifest this relationship. Like, your person is so sweet, I asked about sexual fantasies and all that came out is that they want love. As an afterthought, the Empress is the only card having different colors than the rest, which only further proves the rest of cards is their energy and the Empress is you. I asked for some messages from your person to you and pulled out these charms: “I’ve been looking for you everywhere :*”, “I love your smile”, “something nice will happen to you”, “it makes me want to live”.
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takamiwife ¡ 3 days ago
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I LOVEYOURWRITING SO MCUHHHHH
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Could i request hawks x a tomboy reader Whos taller then him and loveeees to tease him? Hcs? >:]
YOURE SO SWEETTTTT AWWWWWW
getting cuteness aggression with my mooties
💌 this is slightly nsfw, mdni please! <3 💌
ANYWAYS OF COUWSEEEEE here’s some cutesie little hc’s THIS IS SO FUN TOO BC I GREW UP A TOMBOY
keigo is 5”8, which isn’t insanely short, but in your guys’ relationship, he’s the shorty
oh did you think he was insecure about his girlfriend being taller than him? babe, its the absolute opposite. he enjoys feeling smaller in your arms, but he also loves being the big spoon and having more to cuddle of you!!! like bro wants to recreate this (literally does not matter how much taller you are than him, he just wants to do this):
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plus, he can’t complain. he’s booby height™️. bro goes in for a hug and gets a face full of titties. he’s in heaven
or being able to hug you and look up at you with a smile while his wings flapped and flittered
not only THAT, but omg?? you’re a tomboy too??
he’s purposely started buying his hoodies and shirts bigger so that they fit you comfortably since you guys share a similar sense of style
when you two first started dating, you were playing a shared favorite video game together and you started fucking demolishing someone verbally in a lobby and keigo looked like this bc he knew his lil ass was next (he prayed for days like this)
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(this is such projection lol) you love yourself and your style, but sometimes you can’t help but look at other girls or old photos of keigo with models that the media absolutely blew up and you can’t help but feel.. not ‘classically’ feminine enough. you had never brought it up, thinking you’d sound silly, bc he told you how stunning you were every chance he got, and you already could barely handle compliments. but one day, you saw a picture of the two of you at a party, and keigo was looking up at you with a look in his eyes you’ve never seen head on before (he looked at you like this constantly, but you had never noticed). he looked completely enamored, like you were the most beautiful thing in the world. that’s one of your favorite pictures now
but he truly thinks everything about you is so sexy
you know this and take full advantage of it of course
for example, when keigos cooking, you love coming over, leaning down so your chest rests on his shoulder, your hands on his arms while you remark how good it looks/smells and he absolutely freezes up
you continue to ask him questions about it all while he just keeps his head down and continues to chop the food up, fast enough to where he could damn near chop his finger off
one day you took a pair of his boxers and wore it with baggy jeans that sagged enough to show them off, paired with a baggy shirt. you went into the living room, “hey, look’it this, what do you think?” you ask, lifting up your shirt to show part of your torso and the waistline of his boxers. his. boxers. while his mind raced with how goddamn perfect you looked, all he could choke out was a “looks- looks really good, babe” while looking like this:
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on one of the few occasions that you wear a dress, let alone heels, you debated finding some flats to wear, not wanting to be any taller than him than you already were. “put on the heels” “kei, i’ll be towering over you” “THATS THE POINT!!!!! PUT THEM ON PLEASEPLEASEPLEA-“ you wore the heels
bro is equally scared and horny when you’re mad at him
one of your favorite ways to tease him is when you lean down to his height, acting like you’re gonna kiss him, but grabbing something behind him instead. or, vice versa, acting like you’re grabbing something and kissing him instead. makes him feel like the lord truly blessed him
one day when you guys were arguing, you took a picture of him from your perspective, which no matter how much the difference is, it humbled him. you continued to pull it out anytime you two would fight
he loves when you wear muscle shirts because arms. arms. arms. ARMS!!!
he’s lowkey jealous bc your fit and shoe game is so much better than his. believe me, his fans make that known too (we’ve all seen the canon outfits bro)
when somethings on a high shelf, he’s stopped using his feathers to get it and has just asked you to get it for him
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lemon-slushie ¡ 6 hours ago
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Madeleine x Dark Choco one shot
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Fluff/ sfw story, around 3000 words
Before reading I’d like to say that I am nothing close to a writer! I literally wrote this is my notes app. I just wanted to try my hand at it. I also didn’t reread so there’s probably gonna be some mistake lol but some opinions in reblogs or comments would be nice!
Dark Choco’s gaze was fixated on the river in-front of him, clear water rushed past him with fish following in the waves but he wasn’t paying attention. He had come here to catch some food for dinner. Ever since he left the sword behind and began an easy life on the outskirts of his old kingdom Dark Choco had to personally hunt his food. Originally he detested the idea of hunting innocent animals but forced himself to do what he must, and it wasn’t as bad as he expected. It was almost calming, sitting and watching the animals go by, waiting for the weak of the bunch to show itself. Perhaps it was remnants of who he used to be peaking through. Dark Choco tried to ignore that thought though. But as of recently he couldn’t bring himself to relax at all, his head was filled with one thing and one thing only. Madeleine.
Madeleine had found him a few months back. Three perhaps? Dark Choco found it hard to keep track of dates nowadays. Madeleine, on a pursuit to expand his knowledge of the world and move away from his sheltered life, had left his home and ended up lost in the dense forest of the dark cacao kingdom. Wandering almost hopelessly until a the light of a campfire caught his eye, like a beacon of hope. Dark Choco remembers very vividly the first time he saw him. The way the knight excitedly stumbled onto his camp grounds, long platinum hair wind blown and messy with one of his bangs pushed back in a wing shaped hair clip as the other fell in his face , a thick blue jacket wrapped around him, but what Dark Choco remembers most was his face. Cheeks and nose tinted red and pink from the cold, blue eyes staring eagerly at him, and a big stupid smile. He was bright and stuck out like sore thumb against the dim woods. Before Dark Choco could get a word out Madeleine happily introduced himself. A “knight commander from the great Crème republic” he professed proudly. He remembers the way Madeleine fumbled over his words, trying to act as if he wasn’t lost at all and just needed a moment to rest and warm up, but also some directions to “refresh his brain” could be nice also. Dark Choco isn’t sure what possessed him to allow Madeleine to stay, perhaps it was his odd charm…or the guilt of leaving him to freeze to death in the forest. Whatever it was, Dark Choco allowed him to stay at the camp for a while to gather himself and thaw out.
Madeleine thanked him and quickly made himself comfortable, tossing down his backpack and making himself comfortable on a conveniently placed log. He asked Dark Choco a few basic small talk questions, his name, what’s he doing out here, so on so forth. He was blunt and short with Madeleine, though it didn’t seem to phase the knight as he easily went on talking about himself. Dark choco, not having much better to do, listened and soon found himself almost enthralled in Madeleine’s stories. How he and a “coworker” had saved his republic from a stray light shard (Dark Choco hasn’t a clue what this is but judging from Madeleine’s description it must be pretty bad), and the time he and a group of others fought and defeated a dragon, along with when he and his republic fought against the forces of dark enchantress and her servants of darkness. Dark Choco cringed to himself during the last story, though not having been apart of the darkness during this event, any reminders of his past always felt like a slap in the face. Despite that he still felt drawn in by the other’s story of his heroic stories, admired him almost. Madeleine nearly embodied all the Dark Choco had wanted to be, what he could’ve been. Madeleine almost reminded him of his old self, almost.
Madeleine was certainly a character, quite loud and boisterous, and clearly full of himself. His self centered nature was definitely something that took a bit of getting used to. Though, dark choco could tell his intentions were true, which made it easier. Perhaps his stories were exaggerated at times but the way Madeleine spoke about his desire to travel and learn felt earnest. Dark Choco wasn’t sure what had possessed him, he couldn’t help but feel almost completely charmed by Madeleine. His stories of being a hero, his want to venture out past his gated republic and discover, and even his self centered attitude even charmed him at times. With that, against his better judgment, Dark Choco allowed him to stay how ever long he needed. Madeleine gave him another big smile, along with some thanks, as he began digging in his bag for his own supplies to set up camp. The rest of that night was filled with mindless banter, mostly all from Madeleine. It was odd to Dark Choco. He hadn’t had just a stupid back and forth about nothing in so long. It felt good.
The following morning Dark Choco was almost sad to see Madeleine go. Dark Choco watched as he gathered his things as he spoke about basically nothing to him. Part of him wanted to invite Madeleine to stay for breakfast, but he his nerves caused a struggle to get anything out. Dark Choco hadn’t really tried to befriend anyone in quite a while, which led him to a bit of overthinking when it came to simple things such as a breakfast. Eventually Madeleine finished packing and Dark Choco pointed him off in the right direction, after some more goodbyes and more ‘thank you’s, Madeleine was off. Until he was stopped by a sudden grip on his arm. He turned around to Dark Choco and gave him a confused look. Dark Choco probably looked like an idiot, he stared back at Madeleine with a surprised face. He acted purely out of emotion. This was rare. After a brief moment of looking stupid, dark choco fixed himself, releasing madeleines arm, and finally finding his voice.
“… Perhaps.. You could stop by, after you leave the kingdom..?”
Madeleine smiled at him.
“Of course, my friend.”
That one spur of the moment decision is what led Dark Choco to where he is now. Madeleine stayed true to his word and visited him after he left the kingdom. He even brought along some gifts and food to show his appreciation for Dark Choco’s kindness. They sat and talked for hours that night, Madeleine setting up camp with him and spending the night once more. Though, one night turned into staying for breakfast, then dinner, then another night, then three nights, then into a week, then two weeks, then a month, and so on. Perhaps they were just lonely from spending days traveling by themselves but the two just seemed to click. Dark Choco hadn’t had a friend by his side in so long that he gladly welcomed the new warmth of Madeleine. Though as the days continued dark choco couldn’t help but notice that something deeper than a feeling of friendship was beginning manifest within him. All of his thoughts were taken over by Madeleine, he was all Dark Choco could think about. His bright hair and how stray pieces fell perfectly around his face, the way his eyelashes sat over half-lidded eyes, and the thing he thought about most was his smile. Madeleine’s smile was big, goofy, and contagious. He always managed to get at least a smirk from dark choco, even from the most unfunny jokes. Just from his smile.
So here Dark Choco was now. Staring blankly into a river as he desperately tried to navigate his new feelings. Romance had never been something he thought about before, whether he didn’t have time for it or simply didn’t care for it. All of these emotions were beginning to get frustrating, he had no clue how to deal with them. He couldn’t tell Madeleine, he didn’t want to risk driving him away if the feelings weren’t mutual. What was he to do? A splash from a fish jumping in the river snapped him out of his thoughts, reminding him why he was even here in the first place. Dark Choco sighed and focused his attention onto the river, its best to try and distract himself from these thoughts.
Dark Choco made his way back to his- no, ..their campsite, with a small basket of fish in hand. Fresh snow from the night before crunched under his feet and crisp air filled his lungs. He enjoyed his new life, it was quiet and peaceful. Dark Choco walked slow and leisurely, enjoying the forest life around him. Though the freezing temperatures of the kingdom did not allow for much flowers or other plant life, he enjoyed the large old trees. The trees blocked out quite a bit of sun, leaving most of the forest floor shaded but the sun that did shine through made the snow look as though it had glitter mixed into it. A soft glow of yellow and orange against the snow and branches caught Dark Choco’s attention as he got closer to camp. He crept up behind a nearby tree and peaked over the side. Of course, there sat Madeleine by a fire. It may be odd, but Dark Choco enjoyed watching him from afar at times and seeing how he acted on his own without worry of others seeing. Perhaps it was something of a guilty pleasure, trying to get a glimpse of Madeleine without his persona. The flame infront of him was a little small, as he wasn’t very experienced in living outdoors, but he tried nonetheless. After a little bit of judging Madeleine’s camping skill, Dark Choco noticed something that made his heart skip. Madeleine had taken Dark Choco’s cloak and was wearing it. He sat with he’s knees pulled to his chest and the cloak held together at the edges like a blanket. Dark Choco didn’t know why but something about seeing Madeleine in his clothes caused a heat to rise to his cheeks. He stood and watched the knight a little longer, engraving the scene into his head, before he finally forced himself to move and approached Madeleine.
“…I’m back”
He must’ve been quiet because Madeleine nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of his voice, quickly stumbling to straighten himself out and removing the cloak.
“D- Dark Choco!! Haha! I didn’t realize you were coming back so soon!”
“…Why are you wearing that?”
Madeleine sheepishly slid the cloak off his shoulder, avoiding eye contact.
“Uh.. well, I suppose I’m not very used to such cold weather. Day and night I’m freezing no matter what. I needed some more layers and you left this behind so…”
He seemed embarrassed about being caught as he handed the cloak back but dark choco only pushed Madeleine’s hand back towards him.
“It’s alright.. You can keep wearing it…”
Dark Choco thought for a moment.
“Do you do this often?”
Madeleine nervously laughed to himself, rocking on his heels slightly.
“Only on the days you don’t take it with you. I’m not really used to such cold weather, the republic is quite warm all year round haha..”
Madeleine embarrassedly tried to explain himself but what he didn’t notice was the blush spreading on dark chocos face as he thought about Madeleine wearing his cloak around.
“…I see… that’s alright. You can wear it whenever you please..”
He smiled at dark choco, slipping the cloak back on. Though he still seemed a bit embarrassed.
“Gracious as always! Thank you, my friend!”
Dark Choco gave Madeleine a pat on the shoulder with a nod as he moved past him. He needed to fix Madeleine’s quite pitiful fire and begin cooking, he also needed to get away from Madeleine before he noticed just how flustered Dark Choco was getting.
After gathering some more wood to fuel Madeleine’s quite pitiful fire Dark Choco skewered and began cooking. Madeleine, of course, quickly started talking his ear off. He talked about anything and everything, what he dreamed of, how he slept, where to adventure to next, a grand story about himself, the weather, his family, so on so forth, and Dark Choco listened to every word. Perhaps he could take Madeleine to the Hollyberry kingdom next. He used to go there with his father when he was young, and from the little he remembered it was warm and bustling. Perfect for Madeleine. His mind began to wander once more. The Hollyberry kingdom is also quite known for its romance. The kingdom and many beautiful spots and plenty of dances for lovers to attend. He thought about how Madeleine would look in a nice tailored suit. He had only seen him in thick coats and layers, the picture of him in something more proper and fancy with his hair all done up made his cheeks begin to burn again. His thoughts continued as he imagined them dancing together in a ballroom, they’d be so close that he could count the faint freckles across Madeleine’s face, and he’d hold his hand as they danced. Dark Chocos was suddenly snapped out of his fantasies by madeleine calling his name.
“Hey! Dark Chocooo?”
He was suddenly aware of how hot his face felt.
“Ah-.. yes?”
“Are you alright? You looked out of it and your face is red.”
Madeleine looked concerned and Dark Choco was horribly embarrassed.
“… I’m fine. Forgive me.”
He shouldn’t be thinking about Madeleine like that anyway. They are friends and nothing more. Why would he imagine such a scenario in the first place? Despite Dark Chocos (admittedly poor) reassurance, Madeleine still looked concerned with his eyebrows knitted together.
“If something is troubling you, you can tell me!”
He put a hand on his chest as he spoke. He did that quite often, Dark Choco had noticed. It was a kind of cute quirk.
“.. Thank you, but I am fine..”
Dark Choco gave him a small smile to try and reassure him. Though Madeleine still seemed a bit suspicious, he dropped it. Dark Choco must have zoned out longer than he realized because the food was now fully cooked.
As they ate Dark Choco did his best to keep his thoughts in line as he listened to Madeleine blabber. Dark Choco gave scattered responses here and there but ultimately Madeleine was the one holding up most of the conversation, but that was fine. He liked listening to him talk, even if it was about nothing. Dinner went quick with the help of mindless chatter. Madeleine leaned back, stretching out his arms above his head.
“I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight.”
As he got up to head to his tent Dark Choco impulsively called out to him.
“Wait..! Uh.. If you want-…”
He bit his tongue and cursed himself for acting out again, Madeleine was going to be the death of him. He debated continuing, but he had already said too much and the confused look from Madeleine made him feel bad.
“Uhm.. If you are still cold… you could sleep with me in my tent tonight… It is more built for colder weather than yours is.. I assume..”
He felt more and more embarrassed as he forced himself to speak but a soft smile from Madeleine eased his nerves.
“I’d appreciate that.”
His voice was calm and quiet, it wasn’t often he heard Madeleine speak without his boisterous persona. Dark Choco savored it.
“… You can get yourself situated. I’m going to put out the fire.. then I’ll join you..”
Madeleine nodded and went to gather his things from his tent. Dark Choco did his best to quickly put out the fire, he’s never been more excited for bed. As he finished snuffing out the last bit of flames all he could think about was Madeleine waiting for him in his tent. It felt like an eternity until all the embers were out, but he was finally finished. Anxiously, he unzipped the tent and entered.
Madeleine sat on top of a small futon, slightly turned away from the opening of the tent brushing out his hair. Dark Choco hadn’t really seen all of Madeleines hair, as it was usually tucked into his coat to keep it from blowing everywhere. It was shockingly long, spilling out onto the floor all around him. It was pretty. Dark Choco watched silently as a the brush easily guided through long straight hair. Both sides of his bangs were out and perfectly framed his face, stopping right above his cheek bones. He seemed to be in his own world, with his eyes closed as he methodically brushed through his hair. The light cream color of his hair had a soft orange glow to it from a small lantern set by their sleeping bags. The dim light also hit his face perfectly, highlighting his long lashes. Dark Choco felt his heart beat quicken at how breathtaking he was. Eventually Dark Choco found his voice.
“Are you comfortable?”
Madeleine peaked over at him and smiled.
“Yes! You were right, it’s certainly less cold in here!”
Dark Choco couldn’t help but smile back, happy that he was comfortable.
In the corner of the tent was his borrowed cloak, along side Madeleine’s heavier layers. They were all folded up neatly next to eachother. Dark Choco followed suit and began removing his extra layers as well, setting them by the other clothes before sitting on his futon by Madeleine. It almost felt domestic, their clothes neatly laid next to each other as they sat together getting ready for bed. It was nice, it was comfortable. Dark Choco covered himself with his blanket and layed back onto his bed, closing his eyes and folding his hands over his stomach as he listened to the sound of Madeleine brushing his hair. He felt relaxed and he basked in it, he could probably fall asleep right then. After a while of brushing and the occasional hum from Madeleine he could hear shuffling as he got under his covers and clicked the lantern off. Dark Choco was began to doze off but the sudden sound of shuffling from Madeleine twisting and turning in his bed alerted him back awake. This became a cycle, almost asleep, woken up by shuffling, quiet, almost asleep, shuffling. He wasn’t sure how long this lasted but it was becoming bothersome.
“Madeleine.”
The movement abruptly stopped.
“…Dark Choco…”
“What are you doing..?”
There was a pause, Madeleine was a bit embarrassed from being called out.
“…Forgive me, but even though your tent is better than mine it is still quite cold and it’s making it a bit hard to fall asleep.”
Dark Choco hesitated for a moment, biting his cheek as he thought. Finally, he built up the courage and lifted his blanket up as an invitation.
“…Come lay with me then.. sharing body heat is good for keeping warm…”
He held his breath as a he nervously waited for a reply. Madeleine said nothing as he slowly got up and crawled under Dark Choco’s covers. Madeleine quickly made himself comfortable, laying his head against Dark Choco’s chest and wrapping his arm around his middle. A sigh of relief came from Dark Choco as he covered them up with the blanket and circled an arm around Madeleine. His heart felt its burst out of his chest. Madeleine could probably hear it thumping in his chest too, which was maybe a little embarrassing but he was far too happy to care. This was all he wanted for so long, just to be able to hold him and be close, and he finally had it. He squeezed Madeleine a little, earning him a quiet chuckle. Dark Choco could melt.
“Let’s start traveling somewhere different. I’m sick of this frozen hellscape.”
Dark Choco laughed as Madeleine complained.
“…How about the Hollyberry kingdom?”
Madeleine thought for a moment.
“That sounds nice.”
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gods-favorite-autistic ¡ 1 day ago
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fantasy high hc ! all the bad kids know sign language (solesian sign language? their own made up sign? probably both lets be honest)
(semi/)nonverbal gorgus/riz being able to communicate easily with their friends if speech is hard or theyre overwhelmed, i also hc that adaine loses speech when she gets really anxious or stressed about something no im not projecting
also hoh fig my beloved, she started losing her hearing when her horns grew in and the whole being a rockstar thing probably doesnt help, she has hearing aids (special made and enhanced by gorgugs tinkering) but they dont fix her hearing 100% and hearing aids are not comfy to wear 24/7 so being able to take them out and still communicate is great
(sorry for the ramble lol)
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Yessss I love this
They get the idea sometime during freshman year, everyone is hanging out at Riz’s place and it’s just very very loud and Riz has not been having a good day before that and Fig kept punching his arm all bro-ey and he ended up hiding in the kitchen signing with his mom, Fig recognized it when she went to go get a snack and joined in (she had tried to learn it when her horns grew in, it’s really janky but she’s trying her best) and Riz was just so excited to have somebody else know it
Fabian has the most trouble learning it, he tends to gesture vaguely a lot with his hands while talking so having to talk with his hands very specifically is weird for him, but he puts in the effort for his friends
Adaine starts teaching herself it (her father thinks it’s unpractical, she has comprehend languages if she really needs it, so she usually goes to the school library and practices there) and then once she picks it up she helps teach the other Bad Kids
Kristen already knows some from doing outreach with the church (they were culty but they weren’t fully ableist) but it’s mainly religious words so it’s pretty much as broken as her Elvish, she does pick it up surprisingly quickly (despite her abysmal dexterity)
Gorgug knows a few specific words his parents taught him when he was little (he was not very good at thinking clearly enough to communicate when he was overwhelmed so it’s mainly just words like “mad” “sad” and “loud” that he can sign really quickly), him and Fabian have study sessions for while once they start learning and figure out they’re both abysmal at it
Fig steals her moms card and signs up for lessons before figuring out that not a single one of these people know how to sign conversationally (she’s the only actual hoh person in there including the teacher who is just so condescending like she’s aware of how to sign the word yes she’s not inept) so she quits after like day two and learns with Adaine
Riz learned how to sign when he was like 6 (his parents thought it would be a useful life skill but they also figured out it both gave his hands something nondestructive to do and a way to communicate during meltdowns so they worked extra hard to teach him) and he helps the others out with their signing (mainly Fabian and Gorgug)
If they don’t want to be overheard they have a tendency of slipping into sign language, which is very confusing when they go from the loudest corner ever to literal silence+the smacking of hands
Fig tries to very discreetly talk shit with Fabian and Adaine in front of Jawbone by signing except Jawbone decided to learn sign the first week he was counselor so she got in trouble anyways (he did not let her use the “but im disabled” card to get out of it)
Fig tries to be her own translator at concerts (“Adaine can make a simulacra it’ll be cool!”) but her label said no
Fabian tends to use sign language any time he’s at a party and doesn’t feel like ruining his voice for the night just to chat with his friends
Gorgug thinks it’s really funny to sign curse words in front of teachers and then lie about what they mean (especially Porter in Junior year he thinks it’s hilarious)
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hiraethminds ¡ 3 days ago
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YEESSSS YES AHGAHAGHA OP IM GRABBING YOU AND SPINNING YOU AROUND IN A LUSH GRAASY FIELD LIKE WE ARE IN A MOVIE I LOVE BEING INSANE!
honestly the clarification on suitcase specifically being annoyed about baseball reaction afterward makes alot more sense (i did not consider this, so consider my eyes opened)
as per ur firt and second point: Baseball isss frequently out of sync with the social or emotional "mood" around him (in the worst way possible). When he tries to engage he often misjudges the tone or seems unsure of what to do, leading him to say or do things that are poorly timed or just off.
In short, he struggles to read a room, and even when he does catch on, he almost always misinterprets or mishandles the situation. This highlights the "strikes-out" theme that defines his whole existence. SOOO that could be a possible explanation as to why it felt "ooc". he's autistic (just like me fr).
But yeah honestly not trying to defend that one, just trying to make sense of it (I like to assume the writers know what they are doing), i think it could have been handled in a straightforward wayy :/
The ep14 dock conversation was really cute! but nothing was really apologized for/addressed on a deeper level, so I personally could realistically accept their relationship cracking if (as you said) the beef was literally anything else!
like I dink if I was the writerr i would have explored more of suitcase calling out on baseball being more of a follower than a leader and not standing up for her in any meaningful way (like he did but nickel never really stopped, BB was metaphorically trying to band aids on a broken leg) , IK she had a whole rant about this in ep 11 but i felt that that aspect of baseball was never really brought up again or addressed/resolved bleh.
PLUS even if he was working on this aspect of himself (his conversation with TT about not repeating mistakes) I think he like totally reverted to old self once nickel was back in his life lol. idk that's a little unrelated, baseball is interesting 2 me I like how realistically flawed he is. world class fumbler.
makes me a little "ughed out" cuz everytime i think i figured out the dynamics another logistic error pops up. Hypothetically you could boil it all down to this being world class miscommunication/misinterpreting each other's actions case, but eghhhh bleghhhh ugjkhklzjdhlkgj. it bugs me. APPARENTLY, THEY HAD A WHOLE SONG/DUET TOGETHER!!! IT WAS RECORDED!!! THERES NO REASON THE DETAILS OF THE DYNAMIC ARE SO TRICKY TO IRON OUT!!!! sigh i guess ill just have to risk being ooc with my writing.
I do hope we get a little baseball and suitcase interaction in the final ep (highly doubtful let me dream) they have been so tricky to fully flesh out in my head due to “was this intentional or a writers flaw?” Factors.
like example: suitcase saying “if she(testtube) is really your friend she’ll understand it’s just part of the game”. Then later she chews him out for “choosing” to vote out tt in truth or flare, even though the reason he even voted for testtube was because of knife and suitcase.
Was the hypocrisy intentional on her part or not? She was the one who suggested the “not personal” idea in the first place why is she getting mad when baseball is just repeating what she says. Very interesting flaw if true.
I have a lot more to say just need to formulate my thoughts arguments better
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byakuyasdarling ¡ 1 year ago
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I feel like this is obvious but it wasn’t something I exactly grasped at full. I didn’t understand until recently how draining “full-time” really is, so it makes perfect sense why these people don’t train their P//KMN outside of hours to their fullest potential like the player.
I want to be one of those coffee shop girlies running a shop with my Emp//oleon and my Espe//on ♥️♥️
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shopcat ¡ 1 year ago
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i think in the hamster wheel of my mind a big part of where people go wrong with eddie and his shitty garage band as an extension is that they for some bizarre reason think he's gene simmons metal when he's jack black metal. heavy metal. he's tenacious d metal. he's school of rock. he's stoner lord of the rings metal he nearly wore blue jeans and plaid. jack black literally in real life once said eddie was the best character bc he's heavy metal like him. LOOK AT THIS
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#🍦#answer it's bc people think he's some mishmash of all alternative scenes without any actual knowledge of where the mashing occurs 😭#eddie is . a heavy metal guy. A cool one. a nice one even. he likes rock and roll#it's so funny when ppl try and describe it and they've never heard the stuff he actually listens to in their lives for some reason#literally so much of the appeal of eddie's character within his subculture is that its theatrical and dramatic but its still grounded#he's very alternative and Out There but he's still just some guy. he's not wearing spiked leather jackets#in fact he's not wearing any of the other kinds of leather jackets i've seen people say he would ... TO ME#sts#if u haven't seen the clip he then proceeds to air guitar the MoP melody then shouts heavy metal is everywhere#i don't even know how to explain this bc it's like ... okay#the general .. VIBE? aestheticsm? is kind of similar to what people sometimes portray but they're missing thst it's tongue in cheek#like it's like that buff poster of him being this anachronistic homage to heavy metal album covers#fire and satanic imagery and skulls and lightning and big drama and ROCK AND ROLL#it's rock and ROLL man...#and people r making him this weird sanitised dork LOL 😭 when he's a dork in a different more fun way.. imo#and it's not that those types of people don't exist and that they're not cool in their own way cuz they are sure but that's not THIS GUY#he is an 80S METALHEAD... and yeah i try and ground him in thinfs and poke and prod at it until it fits my own understanding of alternative#scenes better but that's bc i've had a hand in the punk scene for years and years#i dunno sometimes i feel like ppl r just not doing the full potential and then going way too hard in this super specific direction#and he ends up first of all usually just a massive douchebag not sure what that's about. But a guy who he would in canon HATE 😭#YOU ARE MAKING HIM A POSER. is what i'm saying#he is alwyas some guy before he's anything else and before he's that he's a 20 year old loser#you need to reflect this... You need to bottle it. ugh. ugh#so much of this reminds me of the time someone was like he would never wear PLAID#like are you kidding me. are you actually kidding me rn#ppl have this weird arstheticised mostly modern and mostly literallt just eboy Idea of what he'd wear it's crazy to me sorry#also it's ugly#i also think. this is so long lol . anyway . i also think going too ''authentic'' in the 80s metalhead direction also lands u w different#problems. my advice to people trying to write or draw alternative characters is they are People. before they are anything else#🍏
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imaybe5tupid ¡ 5 months ago
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if you see absolutely anything that has kabru in it. And are unable to stop yourself from making it about L/abru (even when Laios doesn’t even appear or is irrelevant to the content in question!) and reduce kabrus entire deuteragonist-level character into wanting to fuck laios. I’m stealing something out of your house!!!!!
disclaimer: If you ship l/abru and gaf about kabru and don’t do this then this post isn’t about you 🤓
#I love kabru so much but finding content of him is so painful bro I cant#Flames flames flames up the side of my face!#I constantly consider just nuking my account and forgetting I ever read or cared about dungeon meshi many times bc of this lol#I care him so much. More than I care about dungeon Meshi as a work as much as I respect it and it’s fun to create for#I can’t be normal about this genuinely I never get like this but I turn into A.M from I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream#Laios and kabrus connection is really sweet in the end and I don’t ship it but like the ship it’s so inoffensive in abstract just not for m#But in reality every day I get jumpscared by the things people are doing to my angel#Like just do laios self shipping that’s clearly what you daft cunts actually want why puppeteer kabru free my boy#I promised I would never post like this but like it really makes me so mad lol. And want to just go back to not looking up anything online#And I already specifically curate my experience to a crazy degree.#But the way that this fandom revolves around babying laios is crazy dude#Like every single thing is about poor poor laios#like he’s the main character but it’s insane even people who LIKE him have to put disclaimers when saying even jokey mean things#Because then 1000x idpol white autistic people will descend upon them otherwise#And I say this as an autistic person of colour it’s annoying asf lol I do not respect any of you! To put it mildly!#If the only way you can engage with characters or stories is through vectors which You can personally project onto and relate to#I’m doing a lot more than fucking stealing something out of your house!#It’s the most normal thing on earth to not like the main character of a series but I feel if you genuinely hated laios#And are not just “guilty” of criticising him or appreciating his flawed character. Then the legions of cornballs will descend on you#The only good spaces are small pockets of people engaging with each other together. The rest lol nuclear devastation#but I suppose that’s the nature of fandoms lol why complain about clowns at the circus 🚶#Like there’s literally characters whose main purpose in the story IS their relationship/dynamic with laios. Kabru is NOT JUST THAT!!#He is a deuteragonist!#Treat him like one!#Like why are people talking about labru on my freaking kaburin and kabushuro posts dude free me
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shepards-folly ¡ 10 months ago
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shout out to the fellas who can’t help but assume everyone is mad at them if they even sound slightly upset (it’s me i’m the fellas)
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marblerose-rue ¡ 4 months ago
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attack for @/pi_peeppeep_pi (art fight) !!!
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lightbulb-warning ¡ 3 months ago
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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deoidesign ¡ 15 days ago
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Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop
To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.
The short answer:
Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!
The long answer:
I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.
Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.
Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.
Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.
What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.
So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!
#I wish there were a cleaner answer to this kind of thing#and I also wish that there were a way to answer that didnt feel like 'just do it lol'#but... genuinely you kind of just have to do it!#I find it helps to reframe writing as trying to figure out which ideas I don't like#then if I write anything that feels bad to me#it's not about being a bad writer or anything like that. it's just something I dont want in my story and I delete it.#like if you find yourself naturally coming up with worldbuilding elements. its okay to just start there!#you can start like 'I really want giant mushrooms' and then start thinking about how cool that would be#and like oooh what if there were really cool caves full of mushrooms and all glowy yeaaah#then you start building people from that. colonies of fungal people or something. this is still worldbuilding#then you might think now. whats a plot that could go with this and show off my cool mushrooms.#maybe the mushrooms are all connected and the main one is dying and no one knows why. it's a classic plot.#if you still dont feel like you can find a character in that. keep going! why is it dying? how can it be saved? can it? if not then why?#etc etc etc. when I am writing I actually ltierally write out 101 questions like this as I'm going and then I answer them#and if I cant answer them. then I figure out a different situation that doesnt bring that question up LMFAO#eventually you can decide you want a hero who idfk will replace the big mushroom or something. a sacrifice and immortality simultaneously#then you can be like yeah so my themes are probably about sacrifice. connection to others. love for your community. stuff like that#and then you can go back to your world and say. yeah I think that people should have telepathic communication on some level!#I'm just making all this up right now but I just want to illustrate somehow how this kind of cyclical process can actually be a tool#because it's not about getting it all right at once. its about leaning into the cycle and how it guides you through developing these#anyways idk if this makes any sense. if this doesnt feel like it works for you then it probably literally doesnt#but writing more and analyzing writing more is ALWAYS good#it will never make your writing worse to do those things.#unfortunately (said with all the love in the world) writing is an endless process of learning more about who you are and what you care abou#its wonderful but it's hard and theres no way to skip that process#good luck!#asks#anon#writing stuff#oh also if at any point you go hm. that big thing isnt working for me I think...
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icewindandboringhorror ¡ 6 months ago
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover ¡ 5 months ago
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"yes im so fine"
*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*
#tw ed#obligatory MASSIVE do not do this#straight up poison that can kill you from one (1) time#used to be used to induce vomiting#directly the cause of death of karen carpenter and countless others#i wont i swear i wont#but i still researched it bc i was curious#tbh there are easier ways of poisoing oneself than semi illegal drugs#also if yall remember the post about a poison i own: i did more reseach and while that amount would probably kill me w no medical#intervention; it would take just under three times as much to be absolutely certain of hitting the toxic dose (calculated quantity per kg#of the top end of a given range. so it could kill me but if i was gonna go out that way id want about three times as much to be sure.)#honestly surprised ive never heard of any deaths from it. the most likely way to survive would be to throw it up i think#(or present to hospital and take charcoal or smth)#honestly though. my research says loss of consciousness and required intubation within half an hour in case studies#hence if you werent in reach of medical attention youd probably collapse an die#and i am very deliberately NOT mentioning what it is bc of how toxic it is#ive thought of combining it and another method to be absolutely sure but eh#honestly if it DIDNT work it sounds straight up embarrassing to admit to people tho thats one of the things stopping me#but literally a dose in a child requiring intubation and kid ended up in a coma recovered w no ill effects.#thats the dream yk. try and succeed and youre free; try and fail and you see no ill effects.#but yeah i wouldnt try w only the amount i have.#so im safe#....rereading the above. okay i might be a little mentally ill lol#but i am safe and absolutely nobody call the cops on me.#im fine.#tw suicide#puddleglum hours#nobody worry abt me ok. im fine.#just thinking silly lil thoughts like usual :)#EDIT: just occurred to me that using this poison could make it not look like a suicide
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itspileofgoodthings ¡ 3 months ago
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you know what I’ve realized lately? that’s really helped? the axiom: it just doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesn’t when you’re talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions —it’s not just that they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things—because they do! —but just. It won’t make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And you’ll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and you’ll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and you’ll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesn’t make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!
#as Maria once said to me iconically: marry the guy don’t marry the guy#life is hard and it sucks and it’s also great and little treats exist#and we have to practice patience and virtue and penance regardless of any other circumstances#and God loves us no matter the path we take#like I just. I am reflecting#you know what also made this click for me recently? the limits that can be reached with doing little things to improve your life#like YES. I need to get some exercise and eat some food that is not totally terrible for me and clean my space#but you know the fuck WHAT#(I’m so sorry for swearing)#it doesn’t !!! actually !!!!! dramatically alter my life if I do one thing or another or in a certain order#I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately)#and it’s just like. well. yes you could. and you know what it would keep raining sometimes and my anxiety would still exist#and people would still be irritating and laughter would still be real!#anyway I don’t mean to be dismissive over the ways choices can deeply affect our lives#but when the choices are good and the options are good it just doesn’t matter that much#I also realized this with makeup lol. like I reached the point where I was like I could spend more time and effort and money#to achieve a higher level quality of appearance and literally for WHAT#people would still not pay attention to me in the grocery store (lol)#and they don’t need to!!!!! and it’s fine they don’t!!!!!!!#but I just. that voice in my head that’s like if you do X you will experience happiness you have never known#and things will all work out and everyone will be in love you#to that voice I say: well no.#wow this is long but you know what I mean????? it all just sort of matters less in the sense that nothing WE do is going to really#change our lives? I know that’s insane#because people are so insistent that the opposite is true. but like. actually no the most life changing opportunities usually happen#without our control or our scheming or our planning#so of the stuff within our control it’s not that big of a deal!! do good avoid evil enjoy your lunch call your mom!!! but that’s all gonna#keep being the same on the other side of so many many different choices we can make#so yeah
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