bipolar32-blog1

[bipolar32-blog1]

45 and me

45 seconds it took me to relaize

Couldn't be more different then what you see

10 seconds and i felt incomplete.

My closet my dreams, broke a mold of what a man shold be

Took 45 to make my decision,couldnt be more different then what you what you see.

Broken promises and a world of fire behind you.

Took you 45 seconds to turn it upside down

You broke that mold, we didnt need to see.

45 your number

45 becomes the number we throw in holes

45 represents your shithole.

Big mouths, small hands.. cant do much work with disproportionate soul.

45 we throw in holes

45 we associate with your shithole.

Keep talking, it's all you do.

45 seconds is all they need to see through you!

[bipolar32-blog1]

Dementia,the President and how serious we need to take this!

To discuss one’s mental compacity to lead when there is a life crippling issue.

I am going to start;

As someone who has had three relatives who suffered with dementia. My two aunts and grandmother.

I start by the signs:

My first aunt whom I was close too, began having some what of a nervous break downs; her driving abilities left her lost and scared, pictures began to be her enemy. She didn’t seem to know who certain people were and often confused them as others.

Paranoia started, she thought often her husband and certain people were out to get her; poison her. With that she began calling the police thinking her husband was going to harm her. Crying and hysteria often happened.

One of my last meetings with her was in the i.c.u. She was crying “stating she felt so alone and no one was there for her” although many people visited her. She just couldn’t recall. I came in with a picture of me and my grandfather at a young age. It seemed to calm her a bit. Not eating because of fear, it started to wear on her. Her system was failing. I helped her take a few bites of food. I had to leave and go to work the tears started well up. One of the last times I saw her completely coherent before she passed at age 51.

Another example was her older sister, my other aunt was at a cousin’s funeral. While funerals are sad in them self ; my aunt had many pictures to hand out. She was trying to write names on the back, so the nieces and nephews knew who it was in the pictures, she began to cry, and I saw the struggle in her eyes. I knew something wasn’t right. Her last words she said to partner was “take care of him” (me) “he is very special” few years passed and from what I gathered she began to have very similar issues as her sister. I wasn’t close to her daughters and it mad it difficult to see her.

Why I share these few stories, as many are different when it comes to Alzheimer’s and dementia.

Is the question of our president’s mental fitness and 25th amendment is being floated around.

In the new tell all book Michael Wolff (author) describes many of the president’s habits.

Fear of poisoning, constant reminders of situations and reminders of people he had know for years. Closing himself off to his bedroom with familiar substitutes a burger in bed. Having to watch three t.v.’s, tweeting in real-time so to keep his mind-set current to cable news. His words repetitive, as though it’s a new thought he had, misspelling words ( covfefe) a lapses in a phrase. If an aide speaks of a positive thing in the country, he is quick to take credit because well I think he isn’t sure if he actually has involvement in it. Nicknames to me is another sign, those words help him know who he is talking about at the time.

I am only one person observing from the outside, a mid-western guy that does not know the president personally.

The hinting to me is what is scary, Dementia is not a joke, its’s serious. And I ask, even if the republican base does not believe he has it, the concern is it has come up and should be checked.

If they care about country and respecting the presidential office.

Denial does nothing to help the situation.

Put aside pride of party and take this seriously, it’s being questioned, so get the answer.

If it turns out its just the ramblings and mis-direction of a new president, then fine and we can close the door and not use this as a crutch anymore.

I take this very seriously and have been affected by this first hand.

Move forward America and Congress, DO what is right!!

Nicholas Bryan

[bipolar32-blog1]

Big mouth ideas.. just enjoy writing.. charcters are not mine.

Bitch:

Matthew and jessie enter school hallway.. jay approaches and begins another example of what magic shouldnt be

Jay :Fuck i burnt myself, damn lighter.. had to use my moms

Matthew: ah did the lighter sit next to a big bag of bath salts and a cylinder?

Jay: of course, how else are you supposed to enjoy a bubble bath?

Jessie: jay, bubble baths aren't typically had in basements without bathrooms.

Jay: whats your point?

Hormone Monstress appears;

HM: thank god he's got a mouth thats kissable, because that brain is the reason why whitney said "crack is wack".

Jay leaves while continuing to play with lighter.

Matthew: why do you continue that little love triangle?

Jessie: triangle?

Matthew: yes, you, jay and that tiny bit of resentment againest your parents; clearly you cant stand him.

Jessie: i don't know, ugh complicated.

Hm: it aint complicated, you feel good and powerful use that boy, like the detachable shower head.

Jessie: havent you just done something out of you know, just impetuous?

Matthew: clearly as you can see im a sole player for my team. So if you include the wandering eyes when i look for v-necks in the women section at the gap. Then no not really.

.

Matthew goes to class. Jessie sighs and hm pops up.

Hm: whats wrong sugar plumb?

Jessie: its Matthew, i feel bad he can't seem to find someone to you know to be with.

Hm: well maybe you can find someone who's gay and lonely too.

Jessie: who?

Hm: oh dearest theres a million men who enjoy that night stick. Let me introduce you to my good friend George michael, once declared straight but hips were shaking for that bacon.

George Michael: begins to sing

[bipolar32-blog1]

What About Us, Anthem for 2018

https://youtu.be/ClU3fctbGls

Why in the world isnt this song this video, the poster child for the last 9 months?

The line "sticks and stones" says everything its the right against wrong. The F.U. to the "both sides", the F.U. to banning trangender in military. The F.U. to ending DACA. "We were willin', we came when you called"

But man, you fooled us, enough is enough, oh.

If you need a song, a timeline of words to encourage this is it.

DNC are you ready?

Nick Bryan

[bipolar32-blog1]

We see time

I've been in a constant thought process do I paint sun porch or solve worlds problems?

I may have issues with concentration my priorities vary in so many ways. Im adhd and bi-polar i have a memory un-like many but my passion on memories does not benefit me in a postive way. It doesnt make me money, or help me on a social skill. How does someone like me have full potential? How do i become a productive member of society? With someone who isnt happy with existing but can't seem to tap into what iam good at.

I can't relate to self help programs and im not motivated by mind tricks.

I am motivated by glitz glam and money, but how do i turn that into a job?

Who has a answer? Who has the cure?

To say I'm lazy or a fool. Trust me I've tried. I've pushed.

I want a solution.

[bipolar32-blog1]

What

Im not good at anything im inserted im fake, I've tried being more.

I have no idea what im talking about, I'm subpar at best.

I fell off a truck at a young age and dont have the motor skills to get on again. I accept now i am going to get help to not work anymore i cant anymore, iam not able to seperate my mental and physical abilities. Goodbye opinions.

[bipolar32-blog1]

It's here!

Its hard to wrap my head around in a town of 30k, i see little to the understanding that I, a white male was screwed by life because of a minority or a woman, this being my guess as to who the Alt-right currently blames for their problems. But i do see this: a town, in so many ways has characteristics unlike many in this great nation. The calmness it gives me when i see that blue water. Well before i slip into a pure michigan campaign i want to disscuss our perspective.

We are a typical city, seperated by the north and south, the poor and the rich, the before and after. Lyrical i know. We display some of the same chararistist that are dividing us as a nation.

I will never begin to understand how a minority feels or understand their daily struggle. i am damn sure never going to say they get more then me. It’s just not true, it never has been and it never will be. I am white yes, but i never thought about it. i never was asked the stero-typical questions that every minority indvidual, i am sure at one time or the other has been asked, because i was white. This past weekend gave me anger, fear and sadness. Charlottesville, you made me realize this can not continue. I wondered how,I wondered why, and I demanded a President to step up and call it out.

Even if you haven’t been following this mess of a adminstration; you must have noticed that when Trump doesn’t like something, (much like a teen going through puberty,) he throws a fit and tweets names and their faults, to rally his base into agreeing he is the good guy.

This time though hours went by and almost a whole day and a death later. Finally he came out and said “both sides” “WHAT”? This lead me and many others to beleive that this man, our president truly doesn’t care or he does truly knows his base? You decide either way is disgusting.

So now I will hear the snowflake comments, the liberal bias The new one I had thrown at me was a liberal dimegouge. But my motto is still the same Impeach Trump. I feel it is the only fair thing to do, to steady a sinking boat and patch this divide. I’m not saying it will go away but it’s something, maybe it will help the G.O.P. to be less linked to rascism , giving that piece of spine they need “a backbone” metaphoricaly speaking. My opinion is mine but i stood outside with my sign for Hillary on that election day, and a trump supporter in a cape and flag with his confederate belt buckle shoved me and others to stand proud at the top of the side walk. He felt he had been heard, he felt now all his anger was justified. It’s here! Citizens, it’s here. A short story, a co-worker, told me of her experience on the local bus, saturday after the Charlottesville terrorism. A white male was set to get off at his stop stood up and looked around and said to his fellow passangers “this looks like a slave ship” he felt justified in saying it! It’s here and we need to take notice call it out, there is no justification for it. Do not cow tow to this, if you truly beleive it to be wrong stand up. Its here and only we as a community can stop it.

Heather Hayer thank you and to the others bless you. there was no “many sides” it was just good against evil.

Nicholas Bryan.

[bipolar32-blog1]

Trump, you won't win!

You won’t win, its been proven time and time again..history repeats. Though at this time you will feel you have ground to stand on, history will never look back on it’s faults and praise you. Maybe you’ll share some time with the likes of J. Edgar Hoover and Nixon but history will never in black & white say “he did great things” Now if you were to man up and possibly step aside and resign and apologize.. you may find empathy in 20 years. But for now you hold your history in your hands. Do what you, yourself think is best. But know this, Nixon too thought he knew what was best, as did McCarthy and Hoover… no monument constructed is flaunted, and no story told is without shame! So the balls in your court Mr. President!

Love a tired of you and all you do American Citizen Nick Bryan

[bipolar32-blog1]

Shadow of the day

It’s been hard to talk about or mimic those moving tributes. But i wanted to share that time i was 23 24… i was still in nyc and felt a giant hole, i was surrounded by millions of people but felt alone, friends i came there with moved on, grew up, found purpose and i was fighting a inner war.. i was woeful sad all the time.. Simon & Garfunkel only living boy in ny, and jim croce, ny is not my home played on my ipod on repeat.. i was lost. I assumed i needed changes but couldnt figure out i sought them through bottles and relationships that didnt mean anything… i heard this song as did many at the time shadow of the day. I saw it as my memorial song to nyc, my goodbye. That war that dream that beat me up held me down wasnt mine to fight anymore, iwalked away. I still wasnt strong enough to cope so i traveled nomadicaly through many states, many bottles,and many institutions. But funny enough that song never escaped me. In fact it stayed in emails ringtones until i was 27 years old it haunted me until i excepted i needed help and to be honest with myself. I eventually ended up back where i started back home back where it all began. But this time i began to take pride in the fact i didnt fail at life. I just lived through, walked through that war,bigger and stronger. So when people ask me why i left that life, i can say, i didnt i just grew up and found closure. Im not saying everyone’s journeys the same, but there is help during those sad day’s those hopless day’s “and the sun will set for you” but remember its not your sun, its those thoughts. if you need help its there… know you dont have to end the war! And much like the song traveld with me, i keep it close to play it through from where i was as a reminder. It doesnt end at that point of the song end. I guess thats why it will always play in my heart my head. Thank you for that gift Chester. I know no other way to give a truer tribute.

[bipolar32-blog1]

Why

Willing to try, sorry i may cry Empathy for me, with you i may be shy Crazy thoughts, see it in my eyes Maybe you by my side Maybe you i can rely Hold back, hold on Say why, why why I cant say why Maybe im to blame, but baby that year was insane. Close that border, detour its shame I wont go back to that same pain Maybe you by my side Maybe you i can rely Hold back, hold on Say why, why why I cant say why Break in some light, ask me why why why why Maybe you by my side Maybe you i can rely Hold back, hold on Say why, why why I cant say why

[bipolar32-blog1]

Waking up

[bipolar32-blog1]

Money

Someone so stuck in clouds Forced to make a living somehow? Breaking down inside, how are you supposed to hide. Pleading guilty cause you tried Pleading guilty while you cry Money Money is all u see Money is all u need Bust open my brain, pull out whats sane Money Wake up and pretend Play that role with a grin Grit your teeth, act so sweet Money Its all you will ever need Money Make that green, sell your soul Money I will stay in my hole Money

[bipolar32-blog1]

Car ride

Windows down Wind blows Never noticed how epic my hair is. Feeling free Feel no needs Music up, dog in the back seat Suddenly stories of the week. Driving with you is all i need. No flashy dance place, no movies please. Just a beautiful day with two seats... Car ride just you and me A car ride with roads and trees Let's go for a car ride please.

[bipolar32-blog1]

Sleep

Sleeping all night Sleeping all day Dont drink anymore, social shame. Ate all the cookies and the chips. Guess that helps with pain. Smiling once, crying in shame. Call it what you will, call it lame. Your not in your 30’s with no one else to blame. Sleep now, sleep it all away At least in dreams i have fame At least in my dreams your on the bottom, and i am creating my version of citzen kane.

[bipolar32-blog1]

[bipolar32-blog1]

"Pretty Woman"

Excuse my saying.. America under this president is like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman".. Richard Gere (trump) has purchased us as a prop to show off.. except he hasnt fell in love, in fact the exact opposite, he is telling all his friends that we are whores (aka putin). So eventually, like in the movie, when his business partner catches wind that we put out for money, gere (trump) lets us be used like the Hooker he thinks we are! So it goes from a rom-com to a L.M.N. film... (creepy clown rapes america). the point: Lets try not be distracted by his shiny Objects (tweets) and start really holding him accountable for his actions and mis-steps. Example why is he meeting with Putin etc... And hey "repeal" is not a sutiable healthcare for 32 million people, not after 7 years of g.o.p. in power. Just remember this is all a distraction None of his tweets are of any substance, other then the fact he is president.. which now also clearly isn't held to a higher standard.