#I know this piece isn’t necessarily super pretty but I am genuinely pretty happy with it?

[lynxfrost13]

I know that in terms of art the stuff I’ve been doing lately hasn’t been my best (which is ok! I personally knew it wasn’t my best) but I really have been wanting to explore and try new things even if I am not immediately good at them (something I struggle with) and although it’s super frustrating at times, I am having a blast! I’m learning how to draw people because humans and humanoids are something I have ALWAYS hated drawing because I wasn’t naturally good at them. I’d appreciate any beginner tips on drawing people! Anyways here’s a quick bust of my lady Ro’wynne

[lasquadrasfuckhouse]

hello i hope it’s ok to request this, but I can’t stop thinking about that like really pure tender-emotional sex with la squadra— I was wondering if I could request that as either hc’s ( or a fic with melone or prosciutto if you get a muse for it ) I don’t know if that’s enough to go on but aa the sappy thoughts are running around my head ; v ; ) please and thank you ( unrelated but I love your blog and hope you have a wonderful day/night 💘 )

OK FIRST OF ALL THIS POST MADE IT INTO MY DREAMS i dreamt that i was answering this and one of the points i wrote for ghiaccio was 'don't worry he can handle it he's a gamer' WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???????

BUT!!! TOTALLY OK TO REQUEST IT I AM A SUCKER FOR TENDER EMOTIONAL SEX

and thank u sm afjglfndng i hope ur day/night is wonderful too 🥺❤️❤️❤️💕 even tho i think u sent this like maybe over a week ago time isn't real fjgkfkfj I HOPE UR CURRENT AND ALL FUTURE DAYS R GOOD. here are some hcs for u!!!!!

la squadra and lovemaking ❤️

18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI

risotto ✂️

he absolutely craves intimacy. goin hard and gettin freaky is super fun obviously but to him the best, most fulfilling and satisfying sex is when he and his partner are just close as can be in every way

he wants to open up. create a space like that for him, where he knows he's as safe with you as you are with him, and you'll really see the incredibly gentle, loving, and passionate side of risotto. he knows how he presents himself outwardly, as cold and intimidating, but the thought of everyone seeing him as just that--or worse, seeing himself as just that--makes him feel empty and he hates it.

so be his safe haven where he can express just how damn loving he is, openly acknowledge that side of him and embrace it, love it wholeheartedly, and let him know that you know he keeps you safe in turn not just with his ferocity, but his softness. he'll be so full of love he'll wonder how he ever could have felt empty.

he'll want to make love face to face, looking into each other's eyes, kissing soft and deep, and just absolutely basking in how you make each other feel. he'll want to take his time to feel every single inch of you and leave nothing untouched. he could do this for hours and hours, all day really, and he's almost achingly gentle. do the same for him, feel and love his whole self, let him know that he is precious and deserves to be treated with care; his expression will go so soft (and he is more expressive like this). the way he makes his partner cum isn't just physical, it's euphoria and love felt in every way and he'll want to carry them there as many times as they want because he just wants to make them feel as loved as they make him feel

he's just quiet by nature so he still doesn't say much, he'd rather express himself in other ways and you're connecting so deeply that you hardly need words (depeche mode enjoy the silence plays tenderly in the distance) and he loves that, he loves that intimacy. but he will, as least once, maybe while you're getting him close, whisper an i love you.

you also get him smiling with his cute dimples, because of course you do. and tell him genuinely that he's cute; he doesn't hear it often, and it makes him feel loved. he'll be head over heels.

he'll hold you very close for a long time after, just being with you. he'll stroke your back and feel your heartbeat against his, there's something so beautiful and intimate about it. you make him so happy. he's really warm too, perfect for snuggling!!!!

prosciutto 🚬

his caring nature always comes out at least at some point during sex, but especially when you make love. the tricky part for him is letting himself be cared for, too. he gets a bit nervous about it in all honesty, and that's less about guarding himself and more about guarding everyone else.

help him see there's nothing to worry about. you know you're safe and loved with him always, that doesn't change when he allows himself to be cared for, and in fact brings a whole new level of emotional safety to the table when you connect like that. remind him in no uncertain way that he deserves it, too. remind him that he's human, and show that you want to feel human with him in any way he'll share with you. and of course, he wants that with you. he trusts you completely, and once it really clicks that it's a matter of trust too, it's much easier for him to settle into.

there's something so special and unique about the connection you two make when he lets his walls down in that way. he never could have imagined how amazing it is to let go with you, it's nothing he's ever felt before and he can't get enough of it.

he loves to give, he gives wholeheartedly and unabashedly, and he'll receive your love without hesitation too

the forehead touch. always the forehead touch. it's his way of connecting and showing affection. he may also nudge your noses together and close his eyes to just soak in your presence. if you initiate it, he'll melt.

he embraces imperfection with you and it feels so damn good. he'll get a bit more vocal--not necessarily louder, but breathy whines and whimpers and soft moans. he may get playful too, give sweet little laughs about how you're making him sound and kissing the tip of your nose. you get real smiles out of him with that adorable tooth gap. tell him it's adorable and kiss his cheeks, and he'll laugh again and smile wide and genuinely in that way that ur eyes close too cause ur just so happy u kno

he feels so, so fucking loved and it's so beautiful to him. he tells you as much when you're laying there afterwards and he's admiring every inch of you, every mark, blemish or scar, everything that isn't exactly even, admiring your beautiful soul. and he basks as you do the same for him. he'll thank you for sharing this little piece of humanity with him.

pesci 🎣

soft sex is his favourite. sex as a way of feeling close with the person he loves is what vibes with him the most, as an act of emotion and of loving and being loved in return.

it's a lot easier for him to be confident with that kind of sex/perspective on sex, because he knows he can just tap into his emotions and those of his partner. he really shines here, and he may still get a bit flustered because it's sex and sex with you and you're so fucking gorgeous in every imaginable way, but you still get to see this whole other side of him where he's just so comfortable in his skin and it's both really hot and really endearing.

he stops sort of separating or thinking too hard on just the physical or the mental or anything else, and expresses his love on all levels of being in a way that just lights you both up. he thinks being with you in this way is heaven on earth and he will let you know it.

he can make love with you like this anywhere soft and quiet and private, but aside from your bed, he loves the bath. he loves bath sex in general for the warmth and wetness and intimacy, and especially when you're connecting in this way, it's like.... he wouldn't consider himself to be poetic or particularly spiritual, but there's just something special about making love in water, maybe because we're all born from water, we all need water to live, all life on earth came first from the water. it's just something he thinks about.

he'll want to be face to face; he loves watching your face because seeing you in pleasure is so beautiful to him, he'll want to see your eyes flutter closed and open and commit the look you give him to memory, soft and sort of honeyed-hazy y'know but bright because you love him, and you're loved by him, and he can see it in you. he'll want to hold hands too, and twine your fingers together.

words come a lot easier to him like this too, because he knows there's nothing to hide and nothing to worry about, so he'll just murmur throughout about how much he loves you, how good you make him feel in every way, how he wants to make you feel like that too. show him that he does; he'll kiss you so softly and with so much love that he feels like he could burst.

he's just so soft and gentle in every way. he'll want to still just hold your hand for a long time afterwards.

formaggio 🧀

he's very emotionally in tune, that connection u create with a partner no matter how casual is a huge part of his enjoyment of sex, so he absolutely loves taking all the time in the world to just feel each other in every way and be so emotionally close with you

he often likes to feel like a big macho guy taking care of his babe but he loves being taken care of too because he can experience another side of your connection (and it's just nice!!!!), so when he really makes love with his partner he can feel sort of both at the same time and he loves it. he just feels so entwined with you.

he's still playful, it's in his nature. but when y'all get really tendie he'll be especially gentle with how he plays around. he'll tweak your nose and kiss your neck to hear you giggle, he just loves to make his partner laugh and he's laughing and smiling too

he also still talks a lot, he murmurs about how much he loves you and how incredible you are, how you make him feel amazing in every way, he'll list off all the little things he notices about you that he's just so fond of. he doesn't tease as much, he just grounds himself in the moment with you. it's also really hot and sweet to hear his words trail off with little laughs or sighs or soft moans.

he also has a lot of cute pet names for his partner, and he does still use them but when you get really soft like this he'll often just murmur or moan your name more than anything and there's something so intimate about it

overall you'll see an even more genuine side of formaggio (and he's already a pretty down to earth dude) because he really just feels most at ease when he's surrounded by love

he'll snuggle and kiss you and lay around for a long time afterwards, play with your hair, stroke your back, talk about everything and nothing and how much he loves you. his wandering hands may lead to more lovemaking; he just can't get enough of you.

illuso ✨

it takes a lot for illuso to open up like that. he's extremely guarded with his emotions. he very much desires softness, and there's something about being bare (more than just physically) that really draws him in, but he'd need a lot of trust to get there.

and it's not just him trusting you that's part of the equation either; he isn't used to being trusted. show him honestly that you trust him, and treat every glimpse of genuineness from him with love, and it'll go right to his heart. he's unused to being really seen, so if you see who he is and choose to openly share your heart with him, he'll be smitten.

ask him to just be with you, and he will, he'd love nothing more. reassure him that he doesn't have to think so much; you can both just let go and feel. you'll see a side of illuso where he's just in awe and a really pure sort of wonder of what you create together, this little moment in time and space, this experience across all states of being.

you absolutely make love in the mirror world. it's illuso's safe haven, and he wants it to be yours as well, it's an entire world where there's no one and nothing but the two of you and the love you make and that's so special to him. he'll want to take his time, and with no possible interruptions, he can. you spend hours together; he goes very slow and very gentle. he just wants you to know how precious you are to him, and how much he wants to be with you.

you'll explore every single inch of each other. he'll kiss you absolutely everywhere, and not just in the obvious places; he'll kiss your palms, your fingers, your closed eyelids, every mark on your skin. when he kisses your lips, it ranges everywhere from a mere brush to open-mouthed, deep, and languid. treat him with the same slow, thorough care, and he'll melt.

he doesn't tease. he'll probably be pretty quiet, but once he whispers that he loves you, he'll find himself just telling you all his inner thoughts, everything he loves about you and everything you make him feel: truly beautiful in a way he'd hardly experienced before, safe, so genuinely loved. if you express the same to him, that you feel his love for you in every little way he shows it and cares, that you see and feel his whole self and love him in his entirety, that he makes you feel precious, he will feel precious too. he may actually cry a bit. he's just so happy with you.

he's the kind of guy who likes to watch everything, but he's not sure what to do now: see the love in your eyes or close his eyes to bask in it. he opts to just go with the flow of the moment. he's completely open and unguarded, his hair is loose (if you run your fingers through it he'll sigh sweetly), he'll give you these genuine smiles, you'll get real little laughs out of him, and every sound he makes (including the way he murmurs your name) is so soft.

he can't stop smiling after, he'll hold you and play with your hair, and eventually draw a nice bath for you to share

melone 🍈

he absolutely loves soft, emotional sex. of course he likes being kinky and stuff too, but human sexuality as a whole is so fascinating to him, sex is such a beautiful experience in his eyes and he's very eager to explore different expressions of it. it's really interesting to him how you can define making love as something different than fucking when it's all still sex.

he loves the connection it brings. it's such a deep, personal way to feel close with someone and he wants that with you, he wants to explore each other in every way. he loves to learn new things about his partner and finds it so intimate when they learn about him too, whether it's something you've always done that he's just putting his finger on or it's a new development, like the particular way you roll your hips or how your eyes squeeze shut when you cum. point out a subtle habit of his too, like how his breath stutters when you do something he really likes; it makes him feel cared for. but even if there's nothing new to notice, he loves the comfort of your familiarity, too.

he's very open with it, you don't have to wonder what he's thinking about. he'll be murmuring softly about your beauty, how much he cherishes you, how you make him feel cherished too, how good you're making him feel. he wants to know if he's making you feel good, too. tell him so--better yet, show him--and let him know that you feel his love for you, that you feel cared for and safe. he'll smile and give you a long, sweet kiss. tell him anything and everything you're thinking of, he wants to know you in mind, body and soul.

and he is spiritually open and explorative and it fascinates him to think of sex as an act of creation, and even if it isn't sex to make new life it's making love, it's making a bond, and that's a special sort of creation too. he loves to create with you. he understands how it could be viewed as sort of divine.

he loves to care for you, and being cared for in turn makes him putty. knowing that he's truly loved is one of the best feelings ever and it really just makes him wanna cover your face in kisses tbh. which he does, and he laughs hearing you laugh cause you bring him joy.

he's also still loud when he cums but that doesn't make it any less soft and tender tbh because he's just wholeheartedly falling into the bliss you give him, he'll cry out your name and how much he loves you between moans.

he'll want to do this all day if that's what you want too. eventually when you're done, he'll cuddle you, kiss you, and still murmur all his thoughts to you while you both trace patterns in each other's skin.

ghiaccio ❄️

he gets really flustered about soft, emotional sex at first. not just because he's being vulnerable with you, but you're being vulnerable with him, and it's you, and he cares about you so much.

part of him is almost kind of worried he'll never be gentle enough. help him see that's not true, because he absolutely is gentle with you; he knows he can be brash which is why he's always so careful with you, especially in softer moments. you also love him for who he is, in his entirety, and that makes his heart glow. you trust him, and he trusts you.

ghiaccio is passionate, and he can still express that fire in him softly and tenderly. he'll hold your face in both hands while he kisses you, and while he doesn't necessarily kiss hard, he's thorough, and it mellows out into something very soft and subtle before he pulls away. his pace is slowed a lot, because he wants to just feel you in every way; he really relaxes into the rhythm of something slow and gentle, but still passionate, holding your gaze with his hands never leaving your body. thinking of sex as a way to express your love for each other, he can't help but slow down and be soft, cause it's you.

he also can't help but make noise, soft as it may be, and say your name. he doesn't half ass important things, and you're so, so important to him, so he just completely wraps himself in your love and does the same for you. express that, with him, you know you're loved and safe; he'll want to kiss you again and again and again until you're both breathless.

may not talk as much, because soft words don't really come easily to him and he's sort of self-conscious about it, but once he gets really into it and he does start talking he doesn't stop: he'll say how much he loves you and how badly he just wants to show that to you, how you're so hot and gorgeous and loving, and he doesn't really think of them as flowery words because they're just truth, and his penchant for honesty is such a wonderful way to know you're loved

ghiaccio honey why on earth were u worried about not being gentle. after he's cum once or twice and he's gotten some energy out he is so, so gentle, he'll take care of you so tenderly and kiss you softly. he just wants to be close with you.

his cuddly side always comes out after sex and he'll be no different now. he'll press you against him and hook his chin over your shoulder and tangle your legs together, his cuddles are the best. you definitely get him smiling too, cause you make him happy.

sorbet and gelato 🔪🍦

they're both fucking crazy in nearly all aspects of life and that includes sex, but they're also very passionate and very in love with each other and with you; they're no strangers to tender, emotional sex and they love it because it's such a wonderful way to be so deeply close.

they have no problems being bare and open with you. they're so in their feelings all the time that it feels really natural; they'll very openly express how much they love you, all the ways they love you, how deep and powerful that love feels that they just want to surround all of you in it.

gelato is more talkative in that sense, he'll spill all his feelings in between kisses with his hands on either side of your face. sorbet will give you a long, slow, deep kiss, meet your eyes, and place your hand over his heart while your foreheads touch. you just know.

you're all tracing every inch of each other while you make love, they want to know everything because they just can't get enough of you, the entire world is the three of you. they're absolutely basking in your attention, too; kiss every scar and let them know how beautiful they are to you, that you see them and you love them, that they have your heart as much as you have theirs. they'll melt.

you're safe with them. let them know that you feel how deeply they love you and you feel their safety, and that they're safe with you too, that they're precious. having you and each other as their safe havens and being taken care of makes them feel so damn much.

they'll both still get very playful, they can never take anything too seriously and they just love you so much, they want you all to have fun together. gelato will absolutely do that thing where he kisses down ur front like he's gonna go down on u and then blow a raspberry on your tummy to make you squeak (but then he does still go down on you and doesn't break eye contact the whole time so you can see how fucking much he loves you and wants to make you feel good). if you're ticklish, sorbet will definitely sneakily tickle you, or do something really good while you're in the middle of murmuring something to hear you devolve into moans. then he'll press his loving smirk against your skin. they wanna get you both laughing and moaning, it's the best sound in the world to them, and they'll be right there with you.

gelato is still loud when he laughs and when he cums but it's so sweet and charming because that's just who he is and he's absolutely embracing how you both make him feel. sorbet is the quieter one, but he'll hum and sigh and murmur your names because he loves how they feel in his mouth. he will also whisper to both of you that he loves you because he just wants to say it in every way.

they can go all day and they'll absolutely want to. if one of you needs a break, you'll just watch the other two and kiss them and hold them, the way you all love each other is so beautiful to them. when you're all well and truly done, you'll be tangled in a heap (they are always very cuddly) and they'll both be smiling as they just lazily caress and kiss you and each other.

[kanmom51]

I wouldn’t say that JK was uncomfortable in that clip but he did look like he wasn’t in the mood to me & that’s ok imo !!! lol I’m a hardcore Kookmin lover and that’s what I saw in his face. Everyone can see and interpret different things. Couples or people that are super close with each other are allowed to be annoyed with each other every once and a while.

I’m a firm believer that small instances like that don’t disprove anything for me as much as the super close moments they have-often might I add- don’t necessarily prove anything for some other people.

I, for one, still think they have a really close relationship that goes beyond just friendship & a 1 second clip of Jungkook looking like he wanted to say ‘Really Jimin??, we’re doing this right here and now???’ does not mean that they aren’t close or that Jungkook is ‘uncomfortable’ with Jimin touching him or being close to him. Now THAT narrative is absolute bullshit.

I have received many asks like this or similar to this or just all up about JK's reactions, so I will answer them all in one ask, because I don't want to repeat myself. These are the asks I received (all your voices will be heard):

Ask2:

u cant blame people for thinking jk is not comfortable with jimin because everytime jm does something with him he looks annoyed as hell

ask 3:

Look I've been a supporter since 2017 and Jikook has never once made me cringe or feel awkward. JK has literally almost kissed JM and brushed lips with him and just smiled and never looked awkward. Whatever is happening with Jikook the last several months JK looks stiff and odd anytime JM interacts with him. If he is with JM, then they need to have a talk, cause All I've seen all day long is people calling JM an assaulter and homewrecker and they all say its because of JKs reactions every time.

Ask 4:

If they are broke up, JM needs to learn boundaries. If they aren't, then JM needs to have a long serious talk with JK, cause new army's coming in are already convinced JM makes JK uncomfortable. JK shouldn't have to change to please others, but if JM is his boyfriend, he needs to stop acting repulsed or annoyed or stone faced when JM touches him, cause people feed off his reactions. He fuels it. It really looks like he doesn't want JM touching him if thats the case he needs to leave JM alone too

Ask 5:

JM has looked like an extremely clingy boyfriend lately and usually I love that, I love it even more when its JK being bold and clingy, but the last several months JK's reactions make me cringe for JM. I definitely think JM is over the separation shit, the way RM rolls his eyes or they have to lie and he's probably over everyone shipping his boyfriend with his best friend, but JK isn't going a long with his boldness cause he probably is worried. I just hope this doesn't cause them more problems.

Ask 6:

Either they broke up or JK has become more private about their relationship, because there is no more excuses for JK's reactions toward JM anymore. He KNOWS JM is being hated on every single time they interact, esp here lately and he is doing NOTHING to change the narrative. Therefore its either cause they really aren't together and JK really is uncomfortable or the company told them to tone it down and JK's worried and stiffens up around JM. Its not funny anymore JM is getting formal complaints

Ask 7:

I'm tired of jikook interacting thing when it's only jimin interacting with jungkook and jungkook looks like he's in a funeral. I believe jm likes him but the narratives y'all create about jungkook are so different from his actual reactions and everyone can see that and it's the only reason jimin gets so much hate.

Ask 8:

JM deserves someone who treats him equally. Its clear JK has tapped out of whatever they have and JM isn't letting go. 2017, 2018, 2019 JK would not treat JM this way. In fact, it seemed like JK was ready to tell the world he was dating JM. His boldness in front of cameras, then. He never shunned/made JM look bad. If I did not know Jikook's relationship, I would think JM was an aggressor who makes JK uncomfortable cause that is how it reads no matter how hard we defend it. JK doesn't deserve JM.

Ask 9:

i cried so much today, honestly fuck jungkook. i hope jimin realizes how their "interactions" look on camera and sticks to his word of not even talking to him

ask 10:

JM is telling us one thing, JK is telling us another. Every time something happens with Jikook, its usually because of JM and JK looks uncomfortable, then JK will wear green & purple. JM leans on JK butter pic, JK wears green & purple shirt next day. JM trying to have moments with JK at muster, net day, JK wears purple & green earrings. I'm guessing JK will wear purple & green together soon again. JM deserves better, cause that's not cool if JK is his boyfriend and its not cool of JM if Jk's not

Ask 11:

It's not the same anymore with Jikook and Jk is the main reason. His actions towards Jimin is why its hard to continue defending Jikook. If they're together, then JK needs to treat him better period. I'm not saying he has to kiss his boyfriend in public or shout he's mine, but stop flinching, cringing and sitting there with a pissed look when he interacts if he's your boyfriend. If he's not, set boundaries and leave JM alone and stop leading him on. I'm scared for JM. BH might let him go.

Ask 12:

Genuine Q, why does everyone say jungkook is clingy with jimin? Even always behind the scenes is jimin clinging to him, looking for the tiniest way to interact with him and jungkook is always a passive receptor of all his affections. I like them together but seeing so many people say things I have never seen makes me confused and it's frustrating. Even lee hyun hugged jimin today more friendly than jungkook ever has. ANd I don't mean a 'backhug'.

Ask 13:

If he's going to be fond of JM, I'd rather he show it rather than leave JM out to dry.

So, here we go.

First thing I have to say is, please everyone take a big breath, let it out and lets start talking here.

I will start by saying that neither JK nor JM ow us a thing!! JK doesn't have to prove to us he likes or loves or wants JM, and visa versa.

If they choose to show us, every once in a while, it's their prerogative, not our right.

So, if JK loves JM, if they are in a relationship, it's JM he has to show he loves him, not us.

Where were all of you when JK was practically forcing his arms around JM to hug him after the recording of the Black swan performance? JM clearly didn't seem pleased at that moment. Were you discecting his reaction then? Either way, if your answer to the question is yes or no, you need to stop for a second and think why you were.

Moving on.

JK is not impassive to JM. JK is not hating what JM does. JK is being JK.

I have said this soooo many times before. JK in control of a situation is not the same JK caught off guard or surprised.

When JK is caught off guard he goes into a panic mode of sorts. Many times it looks like a total shut down. Freeze mode, if you wish to call it that. Resting bitch face is also good here.

When JK is in control of a situation he is happy, he is bold, he, in his mind, knows what he’s doing, where he is taking things and f**k the consequences, as far as he is concerned (at least for that split second he decides to do his crazy).

When JK is not in control and caught off guard he loses it. This is a shy introvert that suffers from anxiety. Please don’t let his stage persona confuse you.

JK isn’t uncomfortable with JM. He loves him. And even if you don’t believe they are a couple, I’m sorry, but that is something no one can deny, JK’s love for JM.

JK is an adult, he can be pretty assertive when he wants to. Yes, there is the age hierarchy, but he has shown us on more than one occasion that if he doesn’t want someone to hug him or touch him, he will push them off. We need to understand this. If JK didn’t want JM to touch him, he would push him off. If JK didn’t want JM to jump on him, he wouldn’t have caught him, it’s not like JM would have fallen on the ground. Do I have to remind just how many times JK has lifted JM and loved every single time he has done it.

But you ask, why a big smile on his face then and not this time?

Again, he knew what was coming then, he had control over the situation. He wasn’t caught off guard.

That’s JK, that’s who he is, and you cannot expect him to change who he is, how he reacts, how his face looks just because it doesn’t look good on camera to you, just because fans will dissect it to pieces and then go all nasty and turn it against the one person he loves most.

You can’t turn it on him.

It’s on the fans that as far as I am concerned shouldn’t be even called fans. The haters that instead of loving BTS and all their members are busy trying to break them down.

I will say this both to JM and JK stans:

Those are your bias, each one of them. And you bias loves the other one, JK loves JM and JM loves JK (no matter the level of love, friend, boyfriend, partner, they love each other).

You claim to love them, so how can you point so much anger and hate towards the one person they love so much????

If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say it. Because, saying something bad about the one your bias loves, well, don’t you think it would hurt them too???

Your bias, the person you claim to admire, care for, support, he chose to love this other person. Why don’t you give him some credit that he knows what he’s doing? That if that other person was treating him badly, he would no longer be with him, no longer gravitate towards him. No one is forcing him to always, always, be by his side, rub his neck, hug him, talk about him (always positive things, at that, unless it’s giving us information we didn’t really need to know about the other, like how long they shower, how loud they snore, who they were with at 4 am etc.).

PLEASE give your bias the well deserved credit that he knows what his wants and needs are. If JM didn’t want to be with JK, if he felt his needs weren’t being met, he wouldn’t be with him. Same said about JK.

They know how to disconnect, how to distance themselves and still stay professional, and yet, they choose to be at each other's side. That should say something to you.

So, my suggestion to you is to just leave them alone. Yes, I said it.

Let them be who they want to be. We cannot impose our needs for JK to show TKK’s he likes it when JM goes on the way he does on JK. He is who he is. If JM is unhappy with it, well he won’t put up with it, believe me. He is not a damsel in distress and doesn’t need the fans to save him from mean ole’ JK. JM is a strong ass man, I’ve said this many times before. He can take care of himself, and believe me, if he had a problem with JK’s reaction, the boy knows how to deal with it without fans coming to his rescue.

Fans need to stop inserting themselves into these young men’s lives. We are spectators, no more no less.

If you can enjoy them while understanding that, great. If not, well maybe the right thing is to take a breath, re-evaluate things and then come back.

[tickle-bugs]

I had two people ask for some advice on starting up/running a blog, so I thought I’d make a little post for anyone else looking for advice! There’s no one right way to run a blog and I am by no means an expert. This is just a compilation of some of the things I’ve learned :) 

Feel free to add advice to this!

- The first thing is something I cannot stress enough. Write for yourself first. You will be absolutely miserable if you’re only writing for attention. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s so incredibly important. If you don’t like a prompt, fandom, or scenario? You don’t have to write for it! A personal example: I’m a theatre kid and total musical nerd. I could probably write some compelling Dear Evan Hansen or Hamilton headcanons if I wanted to, but I don’t. That’s fine! I’m allowed to say I won’t write for it and deny prompts/requests for those fandoms. 

- Set boundaries. This is a very mixed community with all sorts of creators and participants with hands in different baskets. Don’t want minors to interact? Put minors DNI in your bio. SFW only? Put it in the bio. No RP? Bio. This goes for private conversations/askbox/other interactions as well. If someone comes into your askbox/dms and says something that makes you uncomfy, shut it down. 

- My advice is more geared towards writing than art or video, but I suppose you could apply this advice as well. Make what makes you happy! If you’re only in one fandom, feel free to stay there and make content for it. Multi-fandom? Excellent! Completely non-fandom? Epic! Make the content that you want to see and the content that makes you happy to create, especially if you’re in a more niche fandom/area. 

- Organization. ...I’ll admit this one is more of a personal pet peeve than something urgent, but it is something that people positively respond to. If you have some sort of consistency/organization to your blog, it’ll make it easier and more enjoyable for people to navigate. Make a fandom list/indicate your fandoms somehow (mostly for prompt purposes. people can’t read your mind, so it’s important to tell them what you will write for and what you won’t, however you want to do that)! 

Make a masterpost/link your fic tag! Use a fic tag of some kind. Give your fics summaries and leave a little bit of the fic above the ‘read more’ to intrigue folks (look at #my fics and my masterpost for basic examples of how I do this, if you need!). Use read mores. Please use read mores (if you can, idk if they’re on mobile. regardless no one wants to encounter a three thousand word block of text on their dash). (No seriously though, organize your blog, even if it’s super simple. literally just a ‘mine’ or ‘my fics’ or ‘[pseud] writes’ and a fandom tag. It’ll make it easier for people to find your stuff and support you)

- Practice general internetiquette. Please remember that the people in this community are real people with feelings, boundaries, and lives outside of the blog that they run. Be genuine and people will respond to you! Don’t manipulate people into likes/reblogs/attention. No one wants to be on the other end of that. Being in this community isn’t a transaction or a mosh pit, it’s an experience.  

- Be ever-so-liberal with the block button. Someone’s user makes you uncomfortable? They give you bad vibes? They’re a minor/older than you and you don’t want them interacting with your content? You don’t wanna see their blog for some reason? Block em. This goes for anons too. That’s what the button is for. Don’t feel guilty for using it. Use it. 

- How you write is 100% a personal choice and not really something that I can give advice on, but embrace your style! take prompts if you want, or don’t. Write oneshots, series, drabbles, or novels. Write romantic, or don’t. Etc. Change things up if you feel like it. Do what you want. Your blog, your style, your rules. 

- Numbers matter. Don’t let them define you. This is a bit of a harder one to explain, but I will try. I often say that I don’t care about numbers, and I really don’t, but that’s not to say that I don’t see them and they have zero effect on me. I absolutely notice and am bummed if a fic doesn’t get notes, or at least the notes that I was expecting. That is entirely normal and okay to experience. What isn’t okay, though, is creating for the sake of getting notes/numbers/attention (re: write for yourself first, internetiquette). If you find yourself relying on tumblr for gratification and a reward, I implore you to take a break. I’m not your therapist or your parent, I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but when you make things only for the sake of notes, people notice. Celebrate your milestones. Know that it’s okay to be bummed about low notes/celebrate getting plenty. Just make sure that you don’t depend on the numbers for your happiness, or you will be miserable.

- You’re (probably) doing this for free. You are providing people content: a service. Produce as much or as little as you’re comfy with, but always remember that. No one is entitled to what you make. If someone asks you for headcanons, sends a prompt when prompts are closed, etc, and you don’t feel like fulfilling it? You have no obligation to do that. Getting commissioned is another story entirely, but as long as you’re making free content, you have zero obligation to do anything for anyone and certainly no time constraints. It can take me months to finish prompts, and that’s okay. I do them when I do them and I fill them how I want to. If my prompts are closed, I deny new ones until I’m ready to accept them. Make yourself happy first.

- How you interact with others is up to you! It’s generally considered good practice to like/reblog your mutuals fics/art, but this is not necessarily a hard and fast rule. I veeeeeery rarely reblog fics for fandoms that I’m not in, even from my mutuals. What you can do to show your support (and you should try and show support somehow. No one is in competition. Everyone’s in your boat, whether they have no followers or 1k) is send an ask/reply to the post/leave tags to let the author know you liked it. Like the fic and don’t reblog it, if you don’t want to. Just make sure you show your mutuals (and others in general!) roughly the same support they show you, however you decide to do that. Treat others how you want to be treated, as cheesy as it sounds :)

- Don’t repost content that isn’t yours without express permission from the original creator, and credit them appropriately. If you see a cute piece of tickle art and the artist doesn’t want it reposted? Don’t repost it. Don’t post fics/videos/gifs that aren’t yours (obviously if it’s like a scene from a movie/a clip on youtube that’s different, but don’t take credit for things you didn’t make, including ideas). Can’t tell you how frustrating it is to have work stolen from you. Don’t be that person. ‘Credit to original artist’ and ‘credit unknown’ is total bullshit btw. Link/tag the creator in the original post and make it clear you don’t own the content. Best practice is to ask the original creator if they’re okay with reposting, work inspired by or connected to theirs, etc. This goes doubly for saving/downloading someone’s fics. 

- It is not illegal for a minor to have normal, nonsexual, healthy friendships with people older than them. There’s a weird attitude that minors have nothing of value to offer adults besides a relationship/sex, which is...not true? Minors are thinking, living human beings with feelings, thoughts, and opinions. You can talk to them like normal people, because they are. Just obviously don’t talk about/introduce sex or endanger them. Minors don’t bring up sex/activities you’re underage for with an adult. IDK this isn’t a seminar just...don’t be weird. Adults can offer great life experience, support systems, and the basic joys and needs of human connection. Minors can too. Mind your business unless someone’s actually in danger. The next point is a caveat, though: 

- If you’re a minor, don’t interact with NSFW blogs/blogs with ‘Minors DNI’, NSFW blogs don’t interact with minors, etc etc. Not your parent or whatever but this is pretty common sense and it’s for everyone’s safety, but especially the NSFW person. internettiquette!

- If you use your TK blog as a side blog (meaning you have another blog as your main blog, not two separate accounts) and don’t want your main exposed, that is up to you. I recommend not liking posts. Also, follow people that you trust. These actions route through your main blog and your main will show up in the notes. You can reblog from a sideblog. If you want to send an ask “as your tk blog”, send an anon and sign it somehow, like ‘hey :) // @/tickle-bugs’. It should tag you in the post so you get a notification when it’s answered!

- Find your people! As an anxious person this one has been hard for me, so I know it’s hard for a lot of people. Fandom is literally a community of shared interest. Peachy and I have an iron bond almost two years later and we met talking over shared interests. You can absolutely find your people here. If someone makes you happy, strike up a conversation! Send an ask! You never know what doors it might open or whose day you might improve :)

- If you were an anon/lurker on someone’s blog and they inspired you to write/submit/start your own, sign your messages!! the common form that I see is either an emoji or [noun/context of the ask]!anon (prodigal!anon (i miss u every day), butterfly!anon, etc.) Let us know how to find and support you!! Those messages produce good brain juice. 

- The big finale: Have fun. If you’re not having fun here, maybe you could tweak something to make things enjoyable. Running a blog is like driving a car. Keep your hands on the wheel, respectfully indicate your intentions (flashing lights optional), and be safe. Poebody’s nerfect, y’know. If you make a mistake, course correct. I’m by no means perfect. Your favs aren’t either. Just do your best and have a good time :)

@rosytickles and the anon in my inbox, I hope this helps! Thank you for asking me, I’m very honored that you value my opinon/experience/advice. I apologize if I come off as preachy or aggressive, I envisioned grabbing my younger self by the lapels and shaking me vigorously while I wrote this. Probably a bad idea. 

Anywho, hope it helps. Anyone with questions, additions, or comments, my askbox is open! Just be constructive, is all I ask. 

[noethicalconsumptionunderdisney]

Ranked: Hannah Montana — Jake Ryan Episodes

Here we are at last: Jake Ryan.  I think you all probably could’ve seen this coming, but I had to keep you waiting (and gather my thoughts a bit).  Of Miley’s canon love interests, Jake (Leslie) Ryan is the one that gets the most screentime overall, and happens to be my personal favorite match for her, so it only makes sense to dedicate a Ranked post to him.  As per usual, I’ll be revealing these rankings from Worst->Best, in reverse-order of how much I liked them.

Which brings us to probably the most unambiguous “Worst” ever:

“The End of the Jake As We Know It” (Season Four)

Yeah.  Of all the episodes on this list, this is the only one I actively dislike.  I don’t think this one was too much of a shock to anyone, but let me talk about why anyway:

This is the first and only time Jake shows up in Season 4.  He’s barely shown in Season 3, which we’ll talk about a little more further down, but he really just seems to appear solely to be dragged through the mud, and then unceremoniously shooed out so Miley can ride off into the sunset with Jesse. I don’t even necessarily have a problem with them breaking up.  I wouldn’t be happy about it, but you could at least give a better reason— you’ve done it before!  Twice!  And there’s a perfectly good reason right there in front of them: they’ve been apart for a while, they liked each other as kids, but now that they’re getting older and growing into separate lives, they’re growing apart.  But no, let’s just have him randomly cheat on her, because that’s totally a satisfying conclusion to a multi-season arc.  Calling one of your most beloved recurring characters a dick for 30 minutes is peak comedy, amirite?

This is also the only time in Season 4 that Oliver is actually an important part of an episode? He shows up for like 5 minutes in the Finale, but really, the Season 4 episode where he has the most screentime is this one.  And while there’s nothing wrong with how Oliver is written here, it just makes a little extra mad, because most of his screentime is focused on this dumbass plot development.  I can’t help but think, They brought back my man for this?! on both counts.

But let’s move on to less loathsome episodes, shall we?

“He Could Be The One” (Season Three)

Okay, I might catch some shit for this.  I know. This episode’s very popular.  I am aware of that.  And I don’t actually hate this episode, like with the other one.  I like the song, I like Miley asserting herself to her dad when it comes to her dating life, Lilly and Oliver are on-point (although that does kind of apply to the last episode too), and I even liked most of the interactions between Miley and Jake.  That said, here’s why I’m ranking it so low:

THE ONLY REASON IT EXISTS IS TO SET MILEY UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

Everything from the start of the episode to the weird reframing of Miley and Jake’s complicated past to the focus on Miley bonding with someone else, thinking about that someone else when she’s singing to Jake, talking about how she wants to kiss that someone else so badly except for the inconvenient fact that she’s with Jake, to the episode treating them like equivalent options that are just so hard to decide between despite she and Jesse barely knowing each other and having no history outside this episode… every bit of it is designed to make you like the other guy better and root for the other guy.  

And I guess if you haven’t watched the other episodes, or you have but it’s been awhile and you don’t remember them super-well, it’s easier to root for Jesse (ignoring all the problems that he himself has as a character, in this episode, even, but let’s not focus on that right now).  But this show can’t trick me that easily, sorry not sorry.

I “should” like this episode more, given that this is when they get back together, but they could’ve gotten them together differently.  Instead, we have Lilly berating Miley for going back to her ex after she rejects Jesse, we have Miley… tackling Jake?  Did anyone else find that odd?  Funny, yes, but weird as hell, and not really indicative of their dynamic.  And worst of all, we have them completely rewriting history and hoping we don’t notice.  It’s not respectful to list “we have so much history” as a reason to stay with Jake if you can’t be bothered to portray that history accurately.  So before we delve into that history a bit, let me make one thing abundantly clear:

Jake did not break Miley’s heart.  He’s also not the only one who’s ever fucked up or acted immaturely in their relationship. You wouldn’t know it from watching this, but she’s the one who broke up with him the only time they actually did date.  Yeah, it was kind of crappy of him to make her think he was marrying her friend so he could “Gotcha!” her on TV, and it wasn’t great of him to kiss her and then leave in Season 1, but that’s a far cry away from “breaking her heart.”  He literally never did.  The fact that they framed it that way is not only frustrating, but also some gross foreshadowing for what they ultimately did to his character later on.

That said, the way Jake actually is when he’s onscreen (i.e. when you look at how he actually acts and not just how other people are talking about him) is pretty in-character, funny even.  Miley and Jake still have their chemistry and their interactions are amazing apart from that weird tackling thing, and Jake reacting to the cat sweater was something I didn’t know I needed.  So objections aside, I do like this episode.  Just not as much as what’s to come.

“Jake… Another Little Piece of My Heart” (Season Three)

So while my previous entry was largely dedicated to explaining why it was ranked lower, this entry is going to be a defense of sorts, explaining why this episode, yeah might not be the best, but is a lot better than people remember, or at least is one I’m still very fond of.  

In Jake’s last appearance before this, Miley agreed to be “just friends” with him.  Here, we see them following up on that.  She calls him “one of [her] best friends,” and not only that, she shows that she knows him well enough to know why he, of all people, should not be getting married young.  “You change your phone plans every 6 weeks.”  How does she know this?  Because they kept in contact with each other.  They contact each other frequently enough for her to know that he changes his phone plan all the time.  They kept their promise!  They’re exes, yes, and there’s still tension there as we see in the end, but they genuinely do feel like friends, and not just like they’re awkwardly forcing it.

Miley is understandably pissed when he pranks her, but that’s only because she cares so much, and I do think there’s genuine concern there as a friend, even if she very likely was also jealous.  They’re comfortable around each other, they’ve gotten to know each other a lot better, and the hint that there’s still more lingering between them at the end is both promising and open-ended.  They don’t get back together right then… but they show that they could, because those feelings are still there, despite everything.

I wonder, though, if this episode would’ve worked better had it aired earlier.  We get indications that it was filmed earlier than some of the others, namely that scenes from it show up in the Opening Credits for that season, but for whatever reason, it didn’t air until much later.  I’m not sure why, but I do think things could’ve been better had they reintroduced her relationship with Jake (friendship with some lingering feelings) earlier on, had a few more “regular” episodes without him, and then given the two a proper arc later in the season rather than just one episode where they’re like, “We’re back together now!  But I also kind of like this other guy!  Oh no!” and then he’s not there the rest of the season.  But c’est la vie.  

Now onto the good stuff:

“Good Golly, Miss Dolly” (Season One)

Honestly, the way the entire Season 1 arc unfolds with them is so natural and beautifully done, I almost don’t feel like it’s fair to dissect them individually and split them up based on personal favorites, because they work best in order and as a unit. But I still have my opinions.

I’ve expressed previously why I love Dolly Parton’s appearance here and why she kills it, but in terms of Miley’s development with Jake, this one remains the most stagnant and frustrating. Painfully realistic, of course, and very in-character for everyone, but of all the Season 1 Jake episodes, this is the one that has the least Jake in it?  Which is not really why I’m ranking it lower, but it does put their dynamic into generic “girl clearly likes guy but is too proud and scared to admit her feelings” territory.  Which is necessary for their story to develop, but isn’t as fun as the episodes where we actually see why she hasn’t been “falling all over him” up to this point (meaning, her aversion to his personality).  And we pretty much end the episode right where we started: once again, Miley’s pining over him, wants to express her feelings for him, but feels like she can’t… only now she’s got a more solid reason not to.

“More Than A Zombie To Me” (Season One)

I was torn at first between this one and the Dolly one, but I ranked this one higher for a few reasons. For one, the storyline is a bit more complex and nuanced.  Lilly teases Miley for being in denial of her feelings for Jake, Miley rejects him when he asks her out… but then Hannah Montana has to kiss him.  She makes a case for why she shouldn’t have to kiss him… only to realize she wanted to when they actually listen to her.  Jake respects her “no” and asks someone else… only for her to realize she wanted him after all.  Miley fights with Lilly for Jake’s affections… only for her to realize that her friendship with Lilly is more important than whether or not she “gets the guy.”  

Beat for beat, Miley is always one step behind, not because she’s stupid, but because she has too much pride to see what’s right in front of her, to acknowledge her own feelings.  It’s not the most pleasant characterization for Miley, but it is very telling characterization, and it paints an interesting picture of her and her relationships to both Jake and Lilly— that she genuinely wants to mean what she says and say what she means, but her pride makes it harder for her to figure out what she actually wants.  She genuinely wants to be a decent, down-to-earth person, but sometimes she’s too self-centered to realize how she’s coming off and how she might be hurting others.

What’s most interesting here, though, is Lilly’s characterization and development in the Jake arc.  In this episode and the one before it, she’s among the girls who are “falling all over” Jake, even continuing to say “Sup” to him because he said it to her once like it’s their “special thing.”  She alternates between starstruck awe over Jake and amusement over Miley’s aversion to him, teasing Miley that she may be protesting too much, and shamelessly drooling all over him to Miley’s annoyance.  After this episode, we see her being the supportive friend and #1 Shipper On Deck for Jake and Miley… then firmly against Jake and Miley together after they break up the first time, and from that point on, genuinely over Jake and wanting what’s best for her best friend.  

But this episode… this is where we see the switch.  This is where we see Lilly giving Miley a fair shot, then taking Jake for herself when the opportunity presents itself.  This is where we see her doing something for herself for once and going beyond that “best friend” role… only to realize it’s not meant to be. That Jake only ever had eyes for Miley. That she was the canned fruit cup he settled for after all.  It’s painful and heartbreaking, and perhaps a less strong friendship wouldn’t be able to withstand it, but theirs does.  Because Lilly does.  Because Lilly knows that whatever Miley says, being with Jake would make her happy, and Jake wants Miley more than anyone else.  And she’s willing to do whatever it takes to help them be happy together… even if it means she doesn’t get the guy herself.  I think Lilly’s role in all this is so underrated, and she deserves massive credit for the maturity and development she displays here.

And of course, we have more characterization for Jake, where he’s… very much himself, but also better than Miley initially gives him credit for.  Yeah, he’s still hiding behind his ego and bravado, and he does initially say Miley must’ve been nervous to reject him when he asks her out a second time on the beach, but we also see him accepting that she doesn’t like him back (or so he thinks).  We see that he’s sweet to Hannah as a coworker, and then he confides in her that he likes Miley because she’s “cute, funny, smart, down-to-earth,” and because she sees him as a person, not as a superstar. I do think “moving on” from Miley by asking out her best friend, right in front of her, is kind of a dick move (or possibly a jealousy play), and he could’ve made a little more of an effort to be loyal to Lilly as she was his date, rather than being so obvious that he preferred Miley, but overall, I think this is a good episode for developing Jake as someone with hidden depths, and someone Miley could realistically fall for.  

(Also, the subplot is comedy gold from start to finish.)

“People Who Use People” (Season One)

Their first kiss! Yeah, there’s no getting around it: this one’s amazing.  Their banter is just on point from beginning to end.  We have a continuation of Jake and Hannah’s pleasant costar relationship, a continuation of Miley’s ever-more-obvious feelings for Jake, and we have a culmination of the tension between the two in an incredible scene. Once again, this does one of my favorite things: it turns the narrative on its head.  We know Miley used Willis to make Jake jealous, but now it’s revealed that Jake was doing the same thing with Holly all along.

“Holly?  She’s not my girlfriend.  We have a movie coming out, so we’ve been hanging out, it’s a publicity thing.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?!”

“Uhhh… well…  I-I think I—”

“Wait a minute, I know why.  Because you were trying to make me jealous.”

“Was not.”

“Was too.  Admit it, Jake, you like me.”

“No, you like me, just say it.”

“No, you say it!”

“No, you!”

“No, you!”

*cue Big Damn Kiss*

They spar with each other like this all episode, meeting each other on the same level beat for beat. And Lilly eating popcorn in the background and falling off her chair?  Let’s not lie to ourselves, we were all Lilly in this moment.  Ultimately, this isn’t the story of “how they got together,” because Jake leaves for a movie, but even that makes some sense.  He feels good that he got to kiss her before he left and doesn’t have to wonder what it would’ve been like, she feels angry that he kissed her when he knew he’d be leaving soon, and ultimately his acting career comes before him having a normal life, as it always sort of has, which unfortunately means it also has to come before Miley.  But once again, we have an open ending, a clear “not now” rather than a “never,” and a question to be potentially answered in the future: Will They, Might They, and Would It Work Out?  And of course, what’s next?

But before we get into that, let’s talk about where it all began:

#3: “New Kid in School” (Season One)

Who doesn’t love a good First Meeting, especially one that starts off with two prospective lovers starting off on the wrong foot?  What I love about them starting off on the wrong foot here, though, is that it’s not really due to misunderstandings.  On the contrary, Miley is the only person who knows exactly what’s going on— even better than Jake does, I’d argue, because he doesn’t even realize how arrogant he comes across, and Miley’s the only one willing to call him out on it.

This isn’t even particularly a shippy episode, apart from “Also, he thinks I’m cute, not that I care,” but I’d argue it’s better because it establishes them as characters first, and as Foils.  Both of them are celebrities attending normal school and who, in theory, want to be treated like normal kids, but while Jake talks the talk and still gets everything he wants, Miley walks the walk and has to lose her celebrity privileges in exchange for peace and privacy.  It’s understandable that Miley feels she’s gotten the short end of the stick, and it’s only later, after she’s opened her big mouth of course, when Jake confides in her that sometimes he really does wish he could be normal, it’s only then that she realizes she’s the lucky one.  

But of course it’s not too late for her, it’s too early in the show for that!  So we see her family coming together in this hilarious scene where they pretend they’re all crazy celebrity-impersonators.  As a side note, I like to think they didn’t buy the Elvis costume for this, but that Jackson just had it lying around already and was itching for an excuse to use it.  (Maybe he was Elvis for a previous Halloween, idk.)

In any case, the reason I rank this higher is that even though it doesn’t show that Miley and Jake like each other all that much, it shows why they could like each other, which in my opinion is more important.  I mean, ideally, you’d have both, but this does a good job of introducing Jake as someone who seems like just another egotistical celebrity Miley can’t stand, but underneath that, is someone who just might understand what she goes through better than anyone, and Miley is the perfect person to understand him right back.  

#2: “That’s What Friends Are For?” (Season Two)

The return of not one, but two iconic guest stars in the best and worst way: together.  Months after their breakup, Miley finds Jake at her doorstep after sparring with Mikayla, and is sure he’s only there to get her back… but he just wants to be friends.  Great!  Good, no drama!  That’s exactly what she wanted… right?

Even better, he invites her on the set of a talk show so he can reveal his new movie… and his new costar, her archrival Mikayla.  The worst part is, he chose Mikayla out of courtesy.  He doesn’t know Hannah and Mikayla hate each other, because they act friendly when they’re on-camera.  He did it because he values his relationship with Miley, and doesn’t want to ruin their friendship by inviting her to play his love interest.  And Miley… well, we all know Miley isn’t as okay with this as she pretends to be, and it only becomes more apparent as the episode goes on.

What I love about this is the role reversal this puts them in.  For once, Jake is the one being mature, and Miley is the one that needs to apologize and grow, and admits it.  It’s framed that way and everything.  It’s almost bittersweet to watch, because this was such a good step for them, and probably the most mature episode involving the two. To see them go backwards in development after this, to see Jake be raked through the coals by the writers, all that good will between them forgotten and retconned and burned to hell later on, there’s just something very bitterly tragic about it.  This episode was so important for them, not just as a relationship, but as people, and I wish that good will they had towards each other had remained and gotten a proper follow-up.

Of course, this was itself an excellent follow-up to…

#1: “Achy Jakey Heart” (Season Two)

Was it ever even a question? Jake Ryan returns in glorious fashion: falling from the sky, in a tux, down on one knee begging Miley’s forgiveness, with chocolates from the sky.  Say what you will, that man knows his way around a Big Romantic Gesture.  And he doesn’t stop there: muffins, “Jake steak,” a cardboard cutout, and barging in the front door in a literal knight costume, he asks what more he can do.   More importantly, he says, “You’ve dumped stuff on me, and you’ve yelled at me.  The one thing you haven’t done is tell me you don’t care about me.  Tell me that, and I’ll go away.”  Even after all this, he’s willing to respect her if the answer is “no.”  He just wants to make sure it’s “no” because she doesn’t want him, and not because she doesn’t believe he cares for her.  He does care for her, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to prove it.  

He gets tested for this pretty much right away, fails in private, and then passes in public when Miley least expects him to.  After telling Miley he can’t take her to a movie premiere because he’s pretending to date his costar, he rejects his costar on live TV to confess his love for Miley.  He doesn’t do it expecting her to come back, rather, he admits his fault and accepts that for him, there’s no happy ending.  And Miley responds in the best way possible, showing up with a “Who says real life doesn’t have happy endings?” and a Big Damn Kiss of her own.

This is also when they confide in each other.  Jake tells her his real name is Leslie, and Miley tells him she’s Hannah Montana.  They’re vulnerable with each other for the first time in their relationship, and they understand each other better than ever. Unfortunately, it’s understanding, or lack thereof, that also leads to their demise.  

Jake wants to be a normal guy, or at least he thinks he does.  Miley feels to a certain extent that she is a normal girl, just a normal girl who happened to get famous.  And that disconnect, that difference hurts them.  Miley realizes that Jake doesn’t actually know what it’s like to be normal, and having to be with someone who can’t handle one night of it, as well as the pressure of being famous as Miley too, is what finally cracks them open.  I will say she could’ve handled it a lot better, and good on Jake for calling her out on her lack of communication, but in the end, their relationship is left with a mutual understanding: that Jake respects her secret, listened to what she had to say, and wants to improve.  Not so that he can get her back, but so that he can be “worthy of someone as terrific as” her.  

This also has ONE OF THE BEST SUBPLOTS OF ALL TIME.  Cheese jerky?  Capitalist commentary?  Jackson rolling in money and Rico being mad about it? Oliver and Jackson doing a rap together? Are you not entertained?  Like its main plot, this does end up reverting to the status quo by the end, but it’s done in a way that’s both crushingly realistic and brutally hilarious.  Overall, this episode?  One for the ages.

So there it is— every Jake Ryan episode, ranked.  I have a whole ton more I could say about Jake Ryan, Miley Stewart, and their overall dynamic (and probably will, this week lol nope), but I feel like this is a decent start that outlines my opinions in quite a bit of detail.  While not a perfect couple by any means, they sure as hell made the screen a lot more interesting.  And hey, the course of true love never did run smooth, why should they be any different?

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Twenty Three

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

February 24th, 2001

Remy slipped into the night relatively seamlessly, even though he shivered in the cold rain that was starting to settle in. Maybe he shouldn’t have walked all the way to the college campus area. Even Emile drove there every day, and it took him fifteen to twenty minutes to get there on a good day. It would take over an hour to walk back home.

Oh, well, live and learn. Theo’s words were bouncing around in his skull, and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react to them. It was certainly sound advice, but how did he apply it?

More importantly, how did he know if he was ready with one person but not with another? How did he know that one specific person was the one he wanted? How did he differentiate between the need for a distraction and the need for love?

He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to find out.

  March 31st, 2001

“Are you sure about this?” Emile asked, breathless in between their kissing. “Like, really sure?”

Remy lightly nipped Emile’s neck, causing him to shudder, and Remy smiled. “Emile, there’s nothing I’ve been more sure about in my entire life.”

“Okay...okay. I just know you got nervous before, and I didn’t want to pressure you into anything...”

“Good thing I’m asking then, isn’t it?” Remy teased.

“Remy...Remy. Hang on,” Emile said, as Remy dragged Emile to their bedroom. Remy turned around, and he could see the clear worry in Emile’s eyes. “You’re not scared? You’re not pushing yourself into this?”

Remy softened and pulled Emile in for a tender but desperate kiss. “I’m sure, Emile. I want this. I want you.”

“Okay, then,” Emile said, and together they fell onto Remy’s bed, already laughing.

Remy bolted upright in bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes to check the time. Seven AM. Dammit, he thought. Not again.

He’d been getting dreams about Emile and him being together with increasing frequency for the past couple weeks now, and it was waking him up at all hours of the night. To make matters worse, once he woke up past six, he was up for the day. He was almost always awoken by a “fade to black,” but the most annoying times where when he wasn’t, and he woke up in the middle, realizing it was a dream and feeling miserable.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up with a stretch. No use in trying to fall back asleep when he couldn’t, right?

When he walked out, he found Emile stumbling around the kitchen, slightly coherent but not nearly as much as he usually was when Remy first woke up. “Oh, so you do have days where you’re not a morning person,” Remy laughed. “I was wondering.”

“Mm. Didn’t sleep well,” Emile muttered. “Whatever you’ve been dealing with that’s keeping you up must be rubbing off on me.”

Remy felt an icy tendril of terror down his spine. I certainly hope not. “Bad dreams?”

“I can never remember,” Emile said with a shrug. “You?”

“I remember pieces,” Remy lied. He remembered every graphic detail of every last dream. This was driving him nuts. Emile wasn’t even interested in him, he had said so himself. “Nothing important.”

Emile just nodded as Remy held his breath. “Yeah. Hey, random question for you, because I haven’t been able to get this out of my mind.”

“Yeah, shoot,” Remy said, heading to the coffee pot.

“Let’s say if you were serious with someone. Like, you wanted to date them and they wanted to date you, right?”

Remy didn’t like the direction this was taking, but he said, “Yeah?” anyway.

“What would your ideal date be? Maybe not like, a first date, but just a date in general?” Emile asked.

Remy felt his stomach twist in an uncomfortable way. “I don’t know, I guess something dorky and basic, you know? Like dinner and a movie. Why do you ask?”

Emile looked a little pink around the ears as he said, “I was just wondering one day, and it refused to leave my mind, so I decided to put it to rest.”

“Oh,” Remy said. Inwardly, he sighed in relief. Even if he had new fodder for his imagination, with Emile trying to take him on the perfect date, Emile was just curious. That was normal. Emile got curious all the time. It was par for the course. Of course, the fact that he had to ask about Remy’s romantic life did hurt a bit. Just because he still did love Emile, and he knew that Emile couldn’t feel the same. “Any reason that popped into your head?”

“I mean...” Emile shrugged. “Maybe I have a little bit of interest in this one guy...”

“Shut. Up,” Remy said, his brain making a record scratch noise. “You like someone?! Who is it?!”

Emile squirmed. “It’s a little embarrassing, not because of who he is but because of where we are relationship-wise...and I want to see if it lasts beyond a fleeting crush...” he said.

Remy felt his heart be torn into shreds as his brain simultaneously tried to put the pieces together. “Come on, you can tell me, can’t you? This isn’t some revenge on me for not telling you that I was trying to get busy the weekend you were out of town?”

“No, it’s not revenge for that,” Emile was quick to assure. “I just really don’t feel ready.”

“Can you give me hints?” Remy pleaded.

Emile laughed a little, clearly nervous. “Well, he loves coffee. Sometimes it feels like all he does is sleep and drink the stuff. And he’s...he’s trying super hard to be kind to everyone he meets. Like, he always did have it in him to be kind, but he didn’t always use it. Now he is, and I’m...super proud of him for that.”

Remy could feel his heart skipping beats. Emile sounded like he was describing Remy. But, that definitely couldn’t be. That couldn’t be the case, because Emile said he wasn’t interested.

Yeah, a month and a half ago, his brain helpfully pointed out. And a lot can change in a month.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were describing me,” Remy teased.

Emile blushed a dark red, and Remy knew this was going one of two ways: he had either hit the nail on the head, or he was close enough to another one of Emile’s friends that Remy wasn’t sure he knew about. And...no matter what he wanted to hope, he was pretty sure Emile wasn’t describing him. “Is this one of your high school buddies? You know, someone you might see over spring break?”

“What?” Emile asked dumbly, before he stammered out, “Uh, y-yeah. Kinda. I’m definitely gonna try and see him over spring break. Even if I’m too chicken to confess to anything, I like getting to spend time with him.”

“You should tell him you like him,” Remy said.

“You...you think so?” Emile asked.

Remy nodded. “Look. You might not love me, and I’m coming to terms with that. Slowly, but surely. Doesn’t mean I’ll stop loving you, necessarily, but if you’re happier with someone who’s... not me, well, then, I want you to be happy.”

Emile smiled weakly. “Don’t get over me too quickly. If you’re lucky, I might catch feelings back.”

“If only,” Remy sighed. “Look, Emile, I’m not offended that you don’t like me. Did it hurt? Yeah, but lots of love hurts. It’s not that big of a deal. Is this your way of saying you have feelings for me?”

“Well, no, but...”

“No but’s,” Remy said. “I can’t make you love me. And it’s fine that you don’t. Just...if you’re happy with this guy, then be with him. Have fun, go on a date or two. You have my blessing. Not that you need it, but if it’ll make you feel better about this, you have it.”

“I...okay,” Emile said, and his voice was small. He took a deep breath, and said, “What are you planning on doing while I’m on spring break? Like, where I go depends on the hours I get, but do you have any plans?”

“I’d love to go to the beach someday, but probably not during spring break. All the college kids are gonna be swarming the place. I guess...I don’t really have any plans,” Remy said with a shrug.

“Then if I have bad hours, why don’t we go out to dinner some night? It’s been a while since we’ve done that,” Emile said, voice growing a bit more confident.

Remy was quiet as he took a long sip of coffee. Then, to be funny, he smirked. “Only if the guy you’re interested in wouldn’t mind,” Remy said with a wink. “Wouldn’t want to get you in trouble with your future boyfriend.”

“Somehow, I don’t think he’ll mind,” Emile said with a laugh. “So dinner. Anywhere in particular you’d like to go?”

“Doesn’t have to be anywhere big,” Remy said. “We could share pizza at any of the joints around here and I’d enjoy it.”

“Cool,” Emile said with a smile. “It’s a date, then!”

“Careful, Emile. Like I said, if you keep saying that, people will think we’re dating.”

Emile laughed, a genuine sound that made Remy grin in response. Things seemed to be returning to normal for them, which Remy was super happy about. Yeah, they might not be dating, but he and Emile were proving inseparable, and that...comforted Remy in a way he couldn’t describe. Like, the world could be ending but at the end of the day he would still have Emile, and that was all that mattered.

“I have class,” Emile said, grabbing the last of his breakfast and heading to his room. “I’ll see you after work?”

“Same bat time, same bat channel,” Remy teased.

Emile stared at him a moment, before squealing and crushing Remy in a hug. As soon as he had done that, though, he had moved to his room, yelling, “I don’t have time to appreciate that properly right now but know that I appreciate it!”

Remy laughed and waved to Emile on his way out of the house. He sighed when Emile was gone, and poured himself a second mug of coffee. He had to get going to work soon, too, so he decided to stick to coffee and toast for today. Remy laughed to himself. Emile had two people in his life who only sustained themselves on coffee and spite? It must have been a very small world indeed.

Remy’s heart wasn’t even hurting anymore, he was so happy that things were going back to normal, and he was excited that Emile was excited for spring break. Plus, they’d get to go out to dinner together, which they hadn’t done in ages. Remy wondered why that had stopped, especially when he said that he didn’t mind it after he confessed his feelings. He felt like it was around the time after he had talked with Theo. He had never known a person to be nice to him just because. Toby was his brother and was obligated to do that to a degree. Emile was nice to him out of spite at first, and then out of attachment later. But Theo was kind to him without even knowing him well, and it opened Remy’s eyes.

You could be kind to someone without them being kind to you first. You weren’t obligated to be nice, but if you were nice, people would appreciate your presence more. And on top of that, being nice just...felt good, sometimes. And sure, sometimes being sickeningly sweet and nice to people in retail was done out of spite, but the shy ones or the people who were very clearly having a hard time? If you smiled at them, or wrote them a nice note on their coffee, it made a world of difference. And he found that he liked doing it more.

Sure, it took more effort. Sure, it didn’t come naturally to him. But all things considered, he didn’t mind making the effort to be a little nicer. If he could be a tenth as nice as Emile was, he was sure he could make friends with little to no issues, just by being kind and striking up a conversation. That was new, but it was something he wanted, and something he was willing to work for.

He was going to do this. He was going to tackle the day with a smile on his face, because the world was finally making sense again, and he could handle anything that came his way. Spring break also danced at the corners of his mind, making him smile as he pulled on the lighter of his leather jackets. Dinner with Emile. Even if that wasn’t as a date, if he really wanted to, he could pretend it was. Not that he would really need to, though. He and Emile were best friends, and he was more than happy with that.

Yeah. The world was finally making sense again.

[tslasvegas]

Episode 13: “What a depressing trip to Las Vegas” - Jaiden

I just have one thing to say.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! It worked! I didn't expect Joey to vote with us. I feel bad about that, but hey, we couldn't see him being sincere. If he told us who the others were voting for, then maybe we would have changed votes. Jaiden was open to it already. Kailyn is probably the one who voted with John for Liv. Maybe she thought he would play and idol or maybe jury management. Anyway, she should have told us. 

Joey got voted out. Which was not supposed to happen this round. Pat and Jeff are just so naive and easily to manipulate. I’m sure they could be convinced to self vote without any real effort. I don’t even want to bother working with them moving forward because of it. But I might have to. I can’t let grudges get in the way of getting to the end game. Honestly at this point I’d be happy going to F3 with Liv and Kailyn. Xavier is too nice. Jaiden is too... out there? Love him, but I don’t want to sit next to him at the end. And Pat and Jeff i just don’t think they deserve to make it that far

I still can’t believe tribal tonight was real. It’s been like six hours and I’m still in shock that Joey finally went home. Like... what??? I’ve been dealing with that dude for three weeks and I’ve held his little secret in until it finally came of use to me, and... now I’m in the final seven. The game has NOT been won yet and while I feel like cheering and celebrating, I need to maintain my focus and center myself as the game is nowhere close to being over yet. We’ve still got at least four tribals to go, but after tonight I might be able to say that I’m exactly halfway through the merge (assuming it’s a final three... dear god please be a final three). Top eight was a really hard mountain to climb and once I lost immunity I felt a little out of touch with what was gonna happen next. I really felt like my time was going to come, and I’m so thankful that it wasn’t. Tbh Kailyn might’ve gone home today had Jeff not told me about a Palazzo chat still being alive and well. I don’t know how I’m gonna turn this bad situation around again but I need to convince Keegan and Livingston to work with me, Kailyn, and Xavier. It is critical now that Jeff or Pat go home because one of them is going to win. Before Joey left, he told me that there is a rumor that Jeff or Pat have an idol nullifier. While a nullifier won’t affect me right now, it’s not something that I want to see in the game going forward period and I want to use that little piece of information to my benefit and finally get rid of Pat. I’ve been saying for SO LONG that we need to get rid of Pat and now the time is ticking down. He has to go as soon as possible, fuck whatever Jeff says. Tbh I want to fly into the final six with no votes cast against me, still. I wonder if I can get Jeff and Pat to target like Keegan or Livingston and I really just need Xavier or Kaitlyn to bring up Pat’s name first before Jeff.. I doubt they have the smarts to recognize the danger that they pose, but we will see... Keegan is DEFINITELY pissed off at me now too. I made the mistake of telling him that I was “a little annoyed” about how tribal went, which was such a dumb thing to say bc tribal went exactly how I wanted it to. I’m playing off the fact that Kailyn must’ve known abt Joey voting for Livingston because her name was on the chopping block too so that’s why it went 4-2-2 rather than 5-2-1 like it was supposed to. I don’t want anybody to know that I was playing for Joey’s advantage which I’m sure people think I have right now lmfao... Anyways really I need to just make Keegan NOT hate me because he’s still part of my plan long term (I think)... he’s really smart tho and I’m not counting him out to win the whole thing but he hasn’t really done much of anything whereas people like Jeff and Pat and Xavier have kinda done a lot... If Keegan isn’t prepared to be fully loyal to me til the end then there’s nothing I can say to him except adios. All I really need right now is an immunity run til the end. I hope that the next challenge is something that doesn’t require a lot of skill because I am INCREDIBLY anxious just thinking about a competition, live. I need final seven immunity because then I’m guaranteed top five... the furthest I’ve ever been in Tumblr Survivor by a mile. I’ll break so many of my own personal records with that one single immunity win. In fact, if I make it to final five, that will be the best I’ve literally ever done in a Skype survivor org. I haven’t done that good since April and it’s just really affirming to me that this was the right decision for me to come back to Tumblr. Aside from winning challenges and making more moves, I also have gotta start fixing my bad relationships. Like I mentioned earlier, Keegan seems REALLY pissed off at me for how things went down with him being left out of the vote again. I can only apologize so many times before I am simply unforgivable. Maybe say sorry less and work to do better??? Idfk. But if Jeff or Pat can just say Keegan’s name, I’ll do what I can to prove to him that I’m loyal to HIM and not them. I hope that the Palazzos are falling to pieces now and realize that the only way to the end is to stick by us and nobody else. Jeff was also pretty mad at me for pushing his buttons a lot today. But honestly he was feeding me utter bullshit. I don’t buy that he was my savior and guardian Angel today, protecting me from having my name come up. I should honestly tell Livingston that Jeff sold him out to me not too long after Livingston said my name in their little chat. That would be hilarious. Kailyn and I are pretty close, but it could be better. I think I tend to revert all game-conversations with Xavier, so I don’t consider Kailyn my main ally unfortunately. If I want to go to the final three with her and Xavier, I need to really work on building that GAME relationship up because as a person I think we vibe well but it’s gonna come down to a couple factors and if she *has* to be sacrificed for me to get further, I can’t do anything but let it happen unfortunately.. As I just said, Xavier is kind of my main strategic ally right now which is super weird to say. He has definitely stepped it up A LOT in the strategic department and I have a lot of respect for him just as a person and I want to try and pick his brain a little bit more. The only thing with Xavier is that he seems to be playing really “safe” right now - I think had the opportunity presented itself to vote for Jeff with Joey, Xavier wouldn’t have gone for it and would’ve wanted to stick strong with voting Livingston instead. Which I totally get, but this game right now kinda requires we make bolder decisions than just what kinda didn’t work last time, you know? Okay now for Pat - god our relationship is just so weird. I have virtually not ties to Pat except the one alliance with Jeff and I feel like Jeff wants to control Pat rather than let Pat be his own player. It’s weird. I wonder if Pat would be down to vote out Jeff but fuck it’s gonna be hard to pull that off. I don’t want to hold off on Pat BECAUSE if I can’t get him out next, I will need him at final six and hopefully final five to serve as a sacrificial lamb or something. I’m wondering now if maybe Livingston needs to go because people are gonna always view Pat as a huge threat to win, even though he might not necessarily do so if he gets there. Livingston... yeah I really don’t like Livingston lmfao. I think it’s because of his super close connection to Rachael but it might also be because he is like, cool and nerdy and a bit of a try hard “around camp” so to speak. What REALLY gets on my nerves about Livingston is that he possesses zero of the charisma to convince me that he sucks at this game but enough social finesse to make me think that he’s actually gonna win if he gets to the end. He’s like, that cool dork everybody was friends with in high school. Even though parts of his game have been lackluster as fuck, he’s still a massive threat to win and I might just need to kick him off to the jury as soon as possible. :) And finally... me! I’m gonna try hard to be unbiased and self-aware but it’s so difficult to do that bc I genuinely don’t know how ppl are perceiving me this time.. I THINK it’s mostly positive but tonight was definitely one of my most negative episodes bc of how stressful I was being before tribal. Just ask Jeff. I think I’m definitely succeeding in getting votes to go my way and I have had a LOT of things go right for me since the merge. From Stephanie leaving right when I needed her to, to the double removal, to the super idol coming out and getting rid of Joey... It’s been so good so far. BUT I’m not being subtle about it. Subtlety is not a strength of mine that’s for sure.. I think I succeeded in being “subtle” about the Steph thing bc I was not making it overly obvious I wanted her out but otherwise I’ve been very clearly controlling other decisions and how certain votes went. Leaving two people I don’t trust in the game (Pat/Jeff) is tough but at least I worked with them on something, right? Joey was telling me so much that he was gonna lose to me and I think he was right. Now Jeff is saying that he’s probably going to lose if we’re in the end, but he doesn’t want to vote me out. Do I trust that? Not really... But fuck, I don’t even know anymore!!! I think if the game was over right now, I’m going to be grilled to DEATH for being fake as hell to Joey. I think that’s gonna come back to bite me so I need to start talking POSITIVELY about Joey to EVERYBODY. Read him for game, not for personal reasons. And maybe I’ll even talk his game up going forward just so that the person who goes into jury at least relays that I made a “good move” voting for Joey to leave (even tho I didn’t vote for Joey hehe). I wonder if people think I’m just playing tjem as pawns and not as real people.. bc these are definitely real people we are playing with here and I recognize that, but honestly in my mind nobody here wants this as badly as me. If that makes me the villain, I’m fine being the villain. But I’m not a human being that will ever play this game with a passion to play humanely. I want to win so badly. I’m going crazy in my own head, the wheels turning in hyperspeed. I’ve never been hungrier for something like I am for this win... I can hold out another year in this environment if I have to. I can and I will 🤠

Darn third world slow internet connection! Anyway, it made others look like challenge threats more than me, so hopefully that gets me through more rounds if they think other people can win more :) 

That was a very stressful and very tense immunity challenge. Jeff was the clear front runner for the first five rounds, being the first person to advance in all of them. He’s a quick typer which made me very worried I wouldn’t be able to pull off a win. However, the last round was “Name That Song” and with the help of Siri, I snagged the immunity necklace! Final 6 here I come! This round presents me with an interesting dilemma. Since I have immunity I can be a little more ballsy. So I could throw Jeff or Pat under the bus, try to sway Jaiden, Kailyn and Xavier to vote one of them out. Or I can stick with the OG Palazzo group that is saying (for the fifth time I might add) that they want to stick together. That hasn’t worked out at all yet this merge and we’ve voted 4 people out. Pat and Jeff seem pretty interested in targeting Xavier for being a social threat which I don’t disagree with. But Jaiden is a very strong player. This is one of those rounds where I’m insanely grateful to have immunity because there’s also a bunch of advantages out there. I know Livingston has a regular idol now. But there’s vote steals and extra votes and idol nullifiers out there somewhere and that’s so nerve-wracking. Also, Jaiden mentioned to me that this is the last round for a lot of those advantages and I just don’t think I buy that. Final 7 is a weird place for that. Regardless, I’m fully expecting this to be a wild and crazy tribal tomorrow. Can’t wait to see what happens because I get to sit there looking pretty with my new bling. Xoxo Gossip Girl

I am terrified of tribal today and I have a bunch of different ideas in my head but I just want to survive. Kind of where I am at is I feel like I am getting 7th no matter what because I have never tasted top 6 in an ORG. I could play an idol here at 7, waste it, and then just get fucked at 6. One thing I thought about was "finding" the idol part of the way through tomorrow and then letting OG Palazzo know to build trust. The only issue with this is that the idol nullifier is in play. It could still be on the board. It was on the board when I got my auction advantage. But if it isn't, and Pat and Jeff turn on me, I could be fucked idol or no idol if the nullifier is played. I suppose that Pat and Jeff have both never voted me as far as I can tell, unless I have miscalculated one of the vote counts for the past 2 tribals. Maybe it'd be safer to hold onto the idol quietly and just hope I don't leave with it in my pocket. This is so stressful because if I leave with it in my pocket, I look like an idiot that had the luck to get two advantages but couldn't traverse the game much past that. 

Okay so, Jeff is my closest ally at this point. Voting out Joey was our move and I am very happy we did. I don’t express the anger that I’m feeling and I think that helps keep my relationships good with people. I think I’m good with Livingston and Keegan and also Jaiden and Kailyn. I was Xavier out this round but I feel like something is going to happen. No one knows I have an idol which is amazing and I hope I don’t have to use it til final 5 and I have immunity and can play it on someone else for the fun of it. I can’t believe I made final 7 and am actually kicking up playing the game by voting correctly on Joey. I think so far I have 2 of the 4 votes at final tribal council, Andrew and Steph. I think I have a road there, I just hope I make the right decision because I’m still in I a weird phase of the game and anything can happen. 

This tribal feels very weird. Jaiden is insisting he hasn’t heard anything at all about the vote. Which I find very strange considering he’s basically been running things most of this merge. Why would suddenly no one tell him anything? Especially Kailyn and Xavier. Seems like those three are fairly open with each other. I could not be more happy to have immunity this round. No matter what happens, I am safe and have not a thing to worry about. I really really hope that Pat and Jeff are being honest and actually voting for Xavier like they say they are. If they’re flipping and voting for Livingston.... I don’t even want to imagine that. But I’m getting some sketchy vibes. Fingers crossed it’s just me being paranoid, though any time I say that something unexpected happens.

Ok I'm calling it, I'm going home tonight ! Literally nobody is telling me anything and it's really quite pathetic to see Keegan, who says we're super cool and good friends and will be friends once this is all over, win immunity and then not make a single attempt to pick me up and flip me to his side. Unless he's so confident that the Palazzo four will stick loyal to the very end... which they probably will, but Jeff is gonna beat all of them in the end and I think they see me as a big threat or something LOL I guess it's good gameplay for them but I hate it either way. I don't really have a lot to say bc now I just feel dumb. I wish I had an idol, but of course, I do not. Anyways, I'm going to have to stick with the fact that people are voting for Xavier tonight and hope my name doesn't come up at all. I'm going to lie and tell Xavier that I'm certain its me or Kailyn tonight and hope he holds an idol if he has it... or plays it on me heh. We'll see though... What a depressing trip to Las Vegas if it ends like this. 

The last Confessional :( 

[lesbianrobin]

☕️ steve’s beautiful character arc

god bless you for sending this ask also i am so sorry this is gonna be long as FUCK and it’s not gonna be REMOTELY coherent

TL;DR: steve’s arc is the second-best in the show behind el, largely because he maintains his crucial traits and motivations while changing his actions and beliefs to try and be a better person

okay to start off i’m obviously biased as fuck because steve is my main hoe and i love him to death. that being said i genuinely think steve has the most solid character arc in the entire show save for el, and i think the biggest factor in that is the fact that joe keery has been so involved in the shaping and direction of steve’s character ever since he was cast. obviously every actor brings a lot to their character, but what’s unique about steve is that he was initially meant to be a true villain and die in s1, and joe convinced the duffers to change that. joe’s done an excellent job of keeping steve’s most basic traits consistent as the writers developed his character so that Steve feels real.

what makes steve’s character arc so good and believable is that, at his core, he... doesn’t really change That much? throughout the show, his defining character traits never really change: he’s loyal, he pays a lot of attention to other people and what they think of him, he’s more of a doer than a thinker, he has some issues with his father, he doesn’t have a personal vision for the future so he tries to stick to the designated path of “success,” and he wants to be a good person. what changes isn’t necessarily his intrinsic motivations, but his actions and thought processes, which makes for an excellent character arc!!

to start off with: controversial opinion, but i don’t think steve was That much of an asshole in s1. he was definitely an asshole! he just wasn’t evil or a total piece of shit like b*lly. he was just a dickhead high school kid, yknow? he was short-sighted, selfish, and didn’t take anything seriously. at the same time, he clearly cared a lot about other people (and what they thought of him)- demonstrated in little things like him sharing his lunch with his friends without them even asking, and the fact that he went to apologize to nancy after he blew off her concerns about barb because he was too preoccupied with not getting in trouble. he goes along with the crowd and does whatever he thinks he Should do, like letting tommy and carol vandalize the marquee (i can’t recall the exact dialogue but i think he says like “i shouldn’t have let carol do it” or whatever anyways it wasn’t his idea but he didn’t stop his friends). the fight with jonathan is steve’s only real Asshole moment for me. obviously he was dismissive of barb being missing which was shitty but he had no real reason to think that barb was dead yknow? he was approaching the situation from the stance of a teenager in a small town where bad things don’t usually happen. he was blinded by his own petty concerns of getting in trouble, and while insensitive to nancy, i think it was an understandable offense for a teenager (and one he apologized for).

and... since i Must address the camera thing... i personally think steve 100% had the right to break jonathan’s camera. of course he said some shitty things that he didn’t need to, and a lot of people argue that since jonathan was taking pictures of nancy, steve had no right to be outraged on her behalf, but i disagree with that argument. just because nancy was willing to forgive jonathan doesn’t let him off the hook! he was in steve’s backyard, taking pictures of an intimate moment through steve’s bedroom window. steve’s privacy was violated just as much as nancy’s. so, even if you don’t think that “sticking up for nancy” and being protective of her was a valid motivation, i still think it was justified. so yeah anyways.

back to the fight!!! steve lashes out and says like the meanest shit he can think of to jonathan because he’s so deeply hurt by nancy’s perceived betrayal and he Wants to get into a fight, which goes along with his deep sense of loyalty, preoccupation with what other people (his shitty friends mostly) think of him, his tendency to do whatever he’s “supposed” to do, and his desire to act rather than sit around and ruminate. some guy sleeps with your girlfriend, you’re supposed to kick his ass, and if you don’t then you’re a pussy, and if you can’t hit him to let out the anger and heartbreak then you have to sit in it and think about it and feel it. so basically what makes steve so cool is that these traits of his fuel both his biggest mistakes and his biggest hero moments!!

what many people see as steve’s total 180 at the end of s1 is actually, in my view, very consistent with his character up until that point. he went to nancy’s house to apologize earlier in the season, and this time he does the same thing for jonathan, because he’s realized how shitty he was and he knows that he doesn’t want to be that guy. once he’s there, he’s worried about nancy (consistent with prior protective/concerned behavior), and of course he chooses to run back inside! he cared enough to look up jonathan’s address and go to his house at night just to apologize after jonathan beat the shit out of him just hours ago, which is pretty serious- as someone who clearly feels guilt pretty deeply and wants to make things right, someone confident in his athletic ability, someone who thinks he might love nancy wheeler... why the fuck would he not go back in the help them?

his development in s2-s3 is a lot more about, like, being better to himself than it is about being better to others like it was in s1. at the beginning of s2, he basically defines his future in relation to nancy and his father. after he gets his heart broken (and i’m not gonna go into why he and nancy were incompatible bc that’s a whole other post and this shit is already ungodly long) and loses his “king” reputation, dustin and the other kids give him something to believe in, fight for, and care about. something that has nothing to do with the prescribed outline for success (popularity, sports, marrying a nice girl, working in the family business) that steve’s been basing his whole life on. he still misses nancy by the end of the season, but he’s realized that their picture-perfect future was never gonna happen, and he’s content with her finding her true happiness even if it’s not with him. also when he takes dustin to the snow ball he’s super encouraging and when he notices that dustin is feeling insecure, he shuts that shit DOWN and reassures him that he looks amazing which is just... so precious...

as he finds people to care about and things that bring him real joy in life (basically the kids and robin), steve also grows more and more expressive throughout the show, dressing more stylishly/flamboyantly, allowing his hair to become more and more wild, and goofing around/laughing a lot more. he’s basically a fucking angel in s3 and he finally lets go of all the high school bullshit that he was allowing to define him! he’s still very loyal, still pays very close attention to the people around him and how they feel, but now this is less about protecting his reputation and more about being a good friend. much like how he reassured dustin in s2, he prioritizes robin’s comfort and happiness during the bathroom scene in s3. he still acts fast in a pinch and tries to do the right thing whenever possible, always taking responsibility for his mistakes, and even though he doesn’t have a vision for his future, he’s okay with living in the moment and enjoying his life even though he hasn’t attained traditional “success” of any sort. he still has all of the same core character traits as he did in s1, he’s just learned how to be kinder, less selfish, and less concerned with fitting into a certain mold.

so yeah uh this was a goddamn mess and i’m sorry and i hope it all makes sense!!! thank you again for asking lmao

[vulpesmellifera]

Vulpes’ Mystrade Recs

For @inevitably-johnlocked

I have a lot more than these but I don’t have the time today to add more. I hope to begin organizing them so that it is easier for readers to find what they’re looking for. This list is only a start! There are many more deserving fics and authors who will show up on this list in the future. Enjoy!

Happens in BBC Sherlock Canon as far as I can tell, but is not necessarily canon-compliant

Hope by sandwastesinthevoidofmychest. Mystrade. Teen. 5,222 words. My heart died reading this one, though it did restart. Mycroft suffers an acid attack, and retreats from public scrutiny.

Out of the Ashes by wendymarlowe. Mystrade. Explicit. 34,679 words. A tale of post-Reichenbach Mystrade. I loved it! It also includes some casefic.

The Sheltering Tree by Mottlemoth. Mystrade. Explicit. 89,113 words. I think this is the sweetest story Mottlemoth has written so far. I just adored it. 

Darlin’ by Mottlemoth. Mystrade. Teen. 2,295 words. Mycroft is injured, and when he wakes in the hospital, he finds out that he’s married to Greg Lestrade.

Breaking Point by Hastalux. Mystrade. Mature. There’s a terrorist attack and Mycroft is caught in the middle of it. Greg refuses to leave him there. 

Memoranda of Understanding series by mydwynter. Mystrade. Explicit. Good god, I need to reread this one. I just remember loving it, and just being blown away by how good it is.

As The Stars of Heaven: Holmesian Reproductive Strategies by Tammany. Mystrade. Teen. 24,342 words. Mycroft decides he wants a family. Greg is sort of jealous. Well, really jealous. 

At Least There’s the Football series by sheffiesharpe. Mystrade. Explicit. It’s popular for a reason, y’all. Truly awesome domestic bliss and a wonderful romantic partnership between Mycroft and Greg.

The DI and the Spy series by chasingriver. Mystrade. Explicit. I’m pretty sure January of 2018 was me having just discovered Mystrade and devouring the big time popular fics. This one was super sweet and funny.

Fire and Ice series by kazvl. Mystrade. Explicit. This one is soooo good. There’s drama and angst with a wonderful storyline that diverges from post-Reichenbach canon in a believable way.

East End Boy by Mottlemoth. Mystrade. Explicit. So my headcanon is generally that Greg is someone who married a woman but was always gay (I know bisexuals exist; I am one, thank you), and when I read this I was like “YASSS! Thank you Moth!” because not only did it meet my headcanon, but the story is one of the best ones I’ve read, hands down.  

To All the Lovers in the House Tonight by kedgeree. Mystrade. Mature. 15,950 words. Greg always gets his man, doesn’t he?

The I Know the Steps Series by stardust_made. Mystrade. Explicit. 37,394 words. This is great - Mycroft and Greg come to know each other - first from Mycroft’s POV, and then Greg’s.

like a moth to a flame by egmon73. Mystrade. Mature. 12,343 words. Greg realizes that he’s attracted to Mycroft. How can he be 52 and just now attracted to a man???

Sweetheart by janto321 (FaceofMer). Mystrade. Explicit. 1,312 words. Mycroft thought it would just be sex between them.

Taking His Time by sanguisuga. Mystrade. Explicit. 8,040 words. Mycroft didn’t quite expect these developments with Greg Lestrade.

Damage Control by TheDevilsFeet. Mystrade & Johnlock. Explicit. 46,679 words. Mycroft and Greg go on a drive to extract Sherlock from a precarious situation. It has some very awkward moments, but they get to know each other better.

Sinking the Land by emungere. Mystrade. Explicit. 34,302 words. It started with random cock sucking. And then it gets even better. So good!

Beyond These Games by recreational. Mystrade. Explicit. 37,736 words. Greg wants to know about the man behind the voice. It gets complicated.

Mister Big series by L_Morgan. Mystrade. Explicit. 41,007 words. This is one of the sweetest Mystrade fics out there. And not fluffy sweet…just sweet. Well done.

Virtually Perfect by Random_Nexus. Mystrade. Explicit. 19,680 words. A great Mystrade fic! I’ve reread this one when I needed a pick-me-up. Mycroft and Greg meet over the internet.

Cracks in the Ice by Mice. Mystrade. Explicit. 31,739 words. This is fantastic. It takes Greg and Mycroft from pre-canon to post-Reichenbach, and the ending is such a surprise.

And the Law Won by MofBaskerville. Mystrade. Explicit. 10,531 words. Mycroft has had a less-than-stellar experience with relationships, and breaks it off with Greg before those things can come to past. Greg isn’t happy about it.

Out of Thought by green_violin_bow. Mystrade. Explicit. 89,323 words. A fabulous love story wherein a disbelieving Mycroft is pursued by a besotted Greg.

The Habits of a Lifetime by out_there. Mystrade. Explicit. 54,234 words. One of my very favorite Mystrade stories. Mycroft is dealing with the aftermath of Sherrinford. 

The Sad Divorced Bastards Club by out_there. Mystrade. Explicit. 19,987 words. Greg invites Mycroft to join a club. Mycroft accepts. I love out_there’s work!

Finding a Way series by MuchTooMerryMaidean. Mystrade. Mature. 116,152 words. This one is a difficult but wholly worthwhile read. TW for rape and rape recovery. I think this is a really important piece, though, the most genuine treatment of the topic in the fandom that I have come across - how rape impacts a person, but also the people around them. It also explores identity, politics of sex and gender, family relationships, and so much more. I’ve reread it twice now, and will probably reread again.

Take Care of Me (Scenario 52-B) by Aelfay. Explicit. 10,788 words. Need some hurt/comfort Mystrade in your life? Here ya go!

Please, Please, Please series by Sunnyrea. Explicit. 180,302 words. Mycroft begins courting Greg, but nothing is ever easy. Great story!

A Sense of Home by snorklepie. Explicit. 50,401 words. Greg pursues Mycroft. He also decides to get his life together. 

AUs

Soul Mate by Mottlemoth. Mystrade. Teen. 4,068 words. Remember up above when I said The Sheltering Tree was the sweetest thing Mottlemoth ever wrote? I was wrong. It’s this soulmates AU. 

Cold Hands, Warm Heart by chasingriver. Mystrade. Explicit. 51,553 words. Mycroft gets forced into a family ski vacation. The ski instructor is hot!

Pater Noster series by manic_intent. Mystrade. Explicit. 26,551 words. Good Omens AU! Mycroft is a demon and Lestrade is an angel. Things get tangled from there. 

True Minds series by green_violin_bow. Mystrade. Explicit. A Jane Austen Persuasion AU! Need I say more?

The North Wind’s Lord by Mice. Mystrade. Explicit. 7,931 words. An AU where Greg tries to find out why the winter won’t stop. Mycroft is an out-of-sorts sorcerer. 

A Safe Prisoner of His Fate by out_there. Mystrade. Explicit. 33,812 words. Young Mycroft is the captive of a dashing pirate. Yes please!

Bonfire Heart by JessieBlackwood. Mystrade. Mature. 44,075 words. Greg is a surgeon, and Mycroft is a pain in the arse. Excellent story!

Magical Realism or Sci-Fi in Canon

The Tenth Muse by Vulpesmellifera. Mystrade. Explicit. 25,365 words. Post-Reichenbach, magical realism, diverges from canon, and includes a side of Johnlock. Mycroft doesn’t deduce like Sherlock - he sees things. Creepy things. 

Time Slips by mezzo_cammin. Mystrade. Explicit. Mycroft will do anything to save Greg’s life, even if it means making deals, and messing around with the space-time continuum.

Xmas Tales

A Christmas Carol by Mottlemoth. Mystrade. General. The funny part of this was that I was working out a Christmas Carol Johnlock version with my BFF, and I discovered this story and was all like “BFF! There’s a Sherlock fanfic of A Christmas Carol, but it’s a Mystrade.” And then I liked it so much I decided to abandon my version. Which is okay, because I moved on to fics for which I have a greater urgency to write later on.  

Thawing the Ice Man by sanguisuga. Mystrade. Explicit. 5,681 words. Mycroft and Greg get stuck at Baker Street one night and have to share a bed. It’s Christmas!

So Full of Light by mydwynter. Mystrade. Explicit. 21,450 words. One of my favorite Xmas fics. Mycroft and Greg grow beards for a cause. And beards are hot. 

For Services Rendered by Mottlemoth. Mystrade. Explicit. 10,582 words. Greg runs into someone at A&E on Christmas Eve. 

The Christmas Spirit by ByrnTWedge. Mystrade. Explicit. 59,916 words. Inspired by It’s A Wonderful Life! Mycroft decides people would be better off without him, but interference by a miscalculating angel leads him to someone who wouldn’t be better off without Mycroft.

Tinder: A Christmas Tale by green_violin_bow. Mature. 8,860 words. This is excellent - Mycroft and Greg ‘accidentally’ match up on Tinder. 

To Capture Light by Vulpesmellifera. Teen. 4,891 words. Post season 4, Mycroft has isolated himself in a Canadian chalet to deal with the personal consequences of Sherrinford. An unexpected visitor pops up on his doorstep. 

Fideles by Anarfea. Mature. 4,744 words. I really liked this one. Greg’s wife is cheating, and Greg goes out for a walk. He meets up with Mycroft, and they sit for a drink. Maybe more?

Sickfics

Woes of the Pharynx by Vulpesmellifera. Mystrade. Gen. 844 words. An ailing Mycroft gets a little TLC from his detective inspector. Humorous ficlet. Promise it’ll make you smile!

Flu Humbug by Hastalux. Mystrade. Teen. 2,750 words. This could have gone under Xmas Tales, too, but here it is! Mycroft has the flu, and Greg gets creative in his care.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF A LINK DOESN’T WORK THANK YOU.

[princepestilence]

Hey Samson, I'm very much a homebody and I wanted to know if you had and tips on where to meet cool queer people?

Hello there! I’m honestly very flattered that you thought to ask me, because that makes me feel like I must look like I’ve got my stuff sorted out and am living that #queer community dream–but that’s not actually entirely true and I sort of want to preface anything else I say with the fact that I am still very much in the process of trying to find more cool people to bring into my life myself, because I’m not where I want to be on that front yet. I’ve been super lucky so far, but I don’t want to give the impression that I’m done meeting cool queer people. There’s a lot of friends I’m still out looking for and a lot of connections I haven’t made yet that I’d really like to, so yeah! Happy to share my thoughts but I am not an expert.

For me, there’s kind of been three major sources of finding My People so far, and those have been: work/university (which count as the same for me, since I was once a student and now I teach students and have cool queer colleagues and they know cool queer people, so it has a run-on effect), the internet, and creative art spaces. 

I think being a homebody can be a bit of a disadvantage if you want to meet cool queer people, mostly because I’ve found online queer spaces and offline queer spaces to have… very different vibes and values. Not always! I’ve definitely experienced first-hand some weird vibes that I didn’t want to tangle with in offline queer spaces (thinking specifically of the queer collective at my university). But broadly, I’ve enjoyed offline queer spaces a lot more, and found more connection with other people, and experienced more genuinely restorative and healing and positive vibes in those spaces than here on tumblr or elsewhere online. 

So that’s kind of my first piece of advice: see what’s happening in your local area regarding queer and/or artistic events! I don’t use Facebook, but there are a lot of local groups that use Facebook to organise and announce events, so if you have that, that can be a great way to keep in touch with that’s going on and see if anything strikes your fancy. For me, I go to the poetry slam every month I can make it, which is something I adore and always an experience of big queer solidarity, because it’s a bunch of creative (often queer or non-norm) people in a space that has a strongly upheld belief in the respectful spaces policy–i.e., be excellent to each other, no bigotry allowed. 

I’ve definitely lucked out with my local slam (maybe I’m biased, but it is the best one around) but a lot of events like that are places where you can walk in, sit down, and not have to really talk to anyone if you don’t want to, and get a sense of the place and the people and I’ve definitely found these spaces to be more welcoming and respectful than more… mainstream (?) events, so that can be a cool place to go. Similar things like pop-up art exhibitions (especially if they have talks or workshops) count, especially if you see anywhere that they’re LGBTQ+ friendly and/or make a clear statement of intent re: supporting grassroots or marginalised creators, etc. 

Alternatively, I can recommend queer book clubs! Sometimes these groups are specifically about reading queer lit., and sometimes the reading is just a way of bringing queer people together, and either way, that’s a good place to at least go along and suss out. If there’s none around, a great option is to actually start something like that yourself–as intimidating as that might feel. Submitting a call for interest on a queer Facebook group, for example, can help put you in contact with people who might be in your exact same boat of wanting to build community but not knowing where to start, or not yet finding the right kind of space for them. 

I personally feel book clubs (or a similar hobby exercise) are a good way to do this, since it 1. brings everyone together in one place on a regular schedule, which is good for getting to know people, 2. isn’t necessarily a huge time or energy or financial investment, which means it’s more inclusive than many other events (although obviously requires some planning and also consideration re: which books and book costs, travel costs, access to libraries etc.), 3. is overall a relaxed space that can be hosted in the daytime, away from alcohol, in a public venue such as a cafe, which for many people is more approachable, and 4. gives everyone something to talk about when they get there and for the duration, so it’s way less awkward than sitting in a circle being like, “hi, I’m gay, are you my new best friend??” or feeling obliged to generate personal conversation the whole time. If it doesn’t work out or it’s too much effort to continue, you can discontinue it at any time, so it’s a pretty low stakes approach, I feel.

Edit: totally forgot, but sometimes [hobby or passion of yours] + “queer” into search bars can show up good results! For example, sometimes there are particular gatherings or small conventions, regular gaming events, forums or talk-sites, so on. I definitely know of Ace & Aro Teatimes that are held, specifically as a way of catching up, and you might luck out and discover something like that, which is particularly great because it means you will already have an interest or hobby in common with the people you meet there. 

Off the top of my head, that’s kind of it for offline spaces. You can probably check out if your local university has a queer collective, because even if you’re not part of the university body, sometimes they will have events open to the general public etc. Like I said before, that’s not my scene, because I’ve personally found the local university queer collective to be… more similar in personality to the online spaces and also just a little more intense than I’m looking for. But! That’s not to say they’re all like that. 

As for online spaces, I met a lot of my queer friends by the sheer bizarre wheel of fate that brings people together in the disgusting blue sea of tumblr. I know that’s not helpful at all, but the piece of advice I have to offer there is that I met all these people by doing what I loved, first and foremost. I was doing my own thing, however weird, and they were doing the same, and we saw each other and went “oh cool,” and we were both queer. To a certain extent, I think this is true in all things: have fun, be yourself, and trust in queer pack magic to bring cool queer friends into your life. 

I am someone who’s very forward, I guess, and very proactive socially (and in general), so I am usually the first person in a new friendship to walk over and say, “hey! you’re cool, I love your you, tell me about yourself,” [paraphrased] and honestly that’s worked pretty much every single time. I admit my charisma rolls tend to be high (I sacrificed constitution and wisdom for them, so they better be) but I do believe that you miss all the shots you don’t take, so it’s worth reaching out. So if you come across someone that seems cool, remember that you’re also a cool person worth knowing and a good friend and give that person a chance to find that out for themselves by saying hello, because a lot of the time, the other person isn’t going to have that courage and if you wait for them, it might never happen. Easier said than done for many, I know, but it’s that whole thing with lesbian sheep (wool-oo-wools, if you will): you can’t stand there and expect someone else to know that you standing there still is a sign of how much you like them. 

I have no idea if any of this is going to be helpful to you, but I wish you so much luck in finding your people! If there’s anything I’ve said that’s not clear or needs more detail or anything, please let me know and I’ll be happy to do what I can to help. I think finding community is one of the most important things in life for queer people to do, in whatever form that takes, so I am absolutely always down to help with that in whatever ways I can. 

[purplesurveys]

851

How have you been feeling lately? Have you been doing ok? Uncomfortable because of period cramps and the heat WHICH IS STILL HERE, even though it’s supposed to be gone right about now and it’s supposed to be raining at this point. I wish I was kidding saying this but we literally have three electric fans turned on just for the living and dining rooms. It’s crazy and stupid and it shouldn’t be this hot anymore. I’m doing better mentally and emotionally, so at least that balances things out lol.

Are you currently in quarantine? Still am. While all countries are slowly going back to normal, our Covid cases continue to get higher and higher everyday because our government hasn’t done anything except to make us stay home for three months. No mass testing, no alternate public transport plans, and for some reason Duterte keeps borrowing billions of dollars’ worth of loans from the World Bank nearly every week, and we have no idea where the stupid fucking money goes. Our government is convinced they’ve been doing everything right so they’ve loosened up quarantine protocols, so with malls and restaurants being open again we’ve done nothing but reach record high cases almost every day.

Do you wear a mask when you go to the store? I’ve gone outside a total of three times since March and I wore a mask for two of those times. The first time I went out I just genuinely forgot to bring a mask, but in the end it was fine because I only had to stay in the car.

Does your state require people to wear masks in stores? As far as I know it’s not a requirement per se, but fortunately everyone follows the safety precautions anyway.

Do you know anyone who’s had the coronavirus? Yeah, my mom’s former boss. This is a bit of a stretch but I also know someone personally who had immediate family members that tested positive.

What was the last sweet treat you ate? I had a peanut butter doughnut from J.CO! Soooooooo good.

Was it a nice day out today? No, it’s too hot. Even if life was normal rn I’d prefer to be indoors with air conditioning, like a mall.

Is the weather nice where you live usually? Fuck no. It is disgustingly hot, sticky, and humid 3/4 of the year.

What was the last thing you ordered online? I don’t do a lot of online shopping. When I get something online it’s usually to get food delivered, and the last time I did that it was me and Andrew getting Hong Kong noodles.

Are you expecting a package right now? Nopes.

Have you ever ordered anything from Wish? If so, what did you buy, and did you feel it was worth it? No, though I remember Good Mythical Morning featuring it in a couple of episodes. I don’t feel comfortable buying from stores or sellers that sell things for a lot cheaper because they could always be fake, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable buying from that site.

Are you a youtuber? If so, are you consistent with uploads? and how many subscribers do you have? I’m not, but I do have my own channel. I just use it to like videos and subscribe to my favorites, though.

What is one thing you hate about summer? The weather. Honest to goodness I’d really rather live somewhere that gave me -40C weather everyday.

Did you go outside today? No. My dad wanted to bring Cooper to my grandma’s place and I planned to come along, but at the last minute he changed his mind and did just the errands he was supposed to do.

What is the name of your youtube channel, if you have one? It’s just my full name because my YouTube is linked to my Google account.

What was the name of the last store or restaurant that overcharged you? I don’t know any instances where that would happen. I don’t find service charge inconvenient because I know that directly goes to the servers anyway so I don’t mind how high it gets most of the time. Is your room more often messy or clean? It’s clean most of the time but sometimes when I’m busy I won’t be able to keep it clean and it’ll be clean-messy? Like I’ll leave stuff around but I’ll still know where everything is lol.

Who is someone you miss? ALL MY FRIENDS BRUH

What is something you miss? Being able to go out and freely do activities. Life Pre-COVID < Life pre-COVID, perfectly put. I miss getting an allowance, being out until midnight, having dates with my girlfriend thhe most.

Do you feel like your emotions are often haywire? Not necessarily, but they can get pretty unstable sometimes.

Have you ever received a misdiagnosis from a doctor? Nah but I’ve been given a prescription that didn’t work. We went to our family doctor who made me take a certain medicine for three days, and I started getting worried when three days had passed and I still had my fever. I went to Angela’s mom and she was super quick to tell me that that medicine wasn’t the right one to take for a UTI and prescribed me with something else; and that second one ended up working like magic.

Have you ever been “diagnosed” with a mental illness from an online friend? who is not a doctor? If yes, isn’t that frustrating? That’s never happened before, but if it did I wouldn’t let my frustration get the best of me. I’d just tell them that they should avoid doing that if they’re not a professional because they could very much end up seriously harming people.

Do you have any friends that you can trust and tell everything to? All of them.

What was the name of your favorite roommate you’ve had? Kimi :)

Do you have a favorite book that you’ve read multiple times? Yeah when I was a kid I would reread this book that an aunt had given me for Christmas as much as I could. For many years I forgot the title but after painstakingly Googling the few keywords I could remember I finally found out it again – it’s a series called Three Girls in the City by Jeanne Betancourt, but I only ever read the first book because it was the only gift I got. It’s not my favorite book, but I’d be so happy if I got to be reunited with it again because I don’t think we got to keep it around when we moved houses.

What’s one book or book series that you’ve read multiple times? ^ That, multiple wrestling memoirs, and Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. I’ve also reread the Twilight Saga once.

What was the name of the funniest kid you’ve ever babysat? I never babysat anyone other than younger relatives, but the one I enjoyed taking care of the most was my cousin Lucas. He was the smartest kid I babysat so it was fun talking to him, plus his yaya was always nice to me, they had a playground and sandbox at home, and all I had to do was keep him company while he watched Thomas and Friends over and over.

Do you enjoy babysitting? Just the younger relatives that were smarter and more behaved. I didn’t like the kids who thought kicking and being rowdy were fun.

Do you have any big regrets? One big one.

Are there things about your past that bother you? Of course. My entire childhood is one.

What was the last thing you saw or read on social media that made you angry? OMG get ready for this one. Our dumb as a rock presidential spokesperson was talking about how happy he is that the country beat UP’s (my school, which the government hates because we always talk shit about them lol) prediction of 40,000 Covid cases by the end of June if the government doesn’t do anything to prevent more cases. How many cases do we have? Fucking 36,000. Our government is happy because they finally beat our school over something for the very first time and they are technically happy that we got 36,000 cases, which if you round up will give you 40,000 anyway. My school had a fucking FIELD DAY over it and now he is a national meme.

Do you often post about controversial topics on facebook? At first I didn’t but that’s because I wasn’t active on Facebook in the past anyway. After I realized that I had a bigger friends list on Facebook I decided to put it to good use and post about controversial topics to educate others. It’s made a bunch of conservative family members uncomfortable and that’s the goal, son. 

Do you think it’s a good idea to post about serious topics on social media? or do you think that it’s better to discuss serious topics in person? It definitely is. In person is good too but you don’t always get that opportunity, so sharing stuff through social media doesn’t hurt too as long as information is accurate. For instance most of my relatives life far from me, so if I want them to get a piece of my mind about Trump or BLM or abortion, sharing informative graphics and tables is always convenient.

What was your favorite book you had to read for school? Without Seeing the Dawn by Stevan Javellana is my absolute favorite. It’s probably the closest thing to being my favorite book. Number the Stars by Lois Lowry is a good runner-up. On the other hand, Dekada ‘70 by Lualhati Bautista is my favorite that was written in Filipino.

Have you ever failed a class and had to repeat it? Nope. I really believe I was meant to fail algebra in my freshman year in high school because I failed every exam, but I think my teacher just took pity on me and gave me a barely-passing mark at the end of the year so that I didn’t have to go to summer school. As for college, I’ve never failed a class.

What class in school did you hate the most? In college I hated my economics elective. I still don’t know why that’s mandatory for us journ students... I also dreaded a couple of journalism classes, but it was more because of the teachers than the classes’ topics.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? I don’t think so.

What’s one childhood dream that has stuck with you, and one that has not? Having a big house; becoming a firefighter.

Would you want to re-live your childhood over again if you could? I’ve already said it on this survey, but: fuck no. I’m ok where I am now, even if I am a clumsy adult.

Which do you like more: being an adult or being a kid? Being an adult. Being a kid meant having to stomach the smell of hard alcohol and cigarettes from morning to evening everyday; being caught in the middle of screaming matches between drunk relatives; and being cramped in a single-floor home with 12 people. Like I said, I love where I am now. The amount of independence I gained in college was freeing and felt so nice and I’m glad my parents never tried holding me back. I’m also glad that I didn’t fall into the same alcohol trap, and that I know how to deal with my alcohol responsibly.

At what age were you when you started to feel like you were mature enough to offer others advice? Around college-age, so like when I turned 18.

Did your parents smoke or drink when you were growing up? Neither of them did, because we had enough alcoholism happening at my old home. It was actually my drunken relatives that finally drove my mom out of that house.

Do you enjoy bonfires? I’ve only been to one and I was like 9 years old then, so I wouldn’t know how I feel about them now.

Have you ever stepped on a sparkler? Nope.

What, do you know of, are you allergic to? No allergies.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Also nopes. I always feel bad for the ambulances that I see because I live in a very traffic-heavy city and they always end up getting stuck and crawling through traffic like the rest of us. We do try to swerve, but our roads are so tiny and always cramped that there’s little space left for us to move out of the ambulance’s way, so even though we’re able to make a path for it, the space is not big enough for the ambulance to drive in the speed it’s supposed to.

What is your favorite version of the Bible to read, if applicable? That’s a big no thanks from me.

Do you follow trends? or are you a trendsetter? Yeah, I follow some of them if I think they are nice.

Has anyone ever described you as a trendsetter? Nope, because I am not.

Do you know anyone who used to be loving, but then turned cold? List three people you’ve known whom this has happened to. My mom, Athenna, Macy. The only person I don’t resent out of these three is Macy, because I know she turned distant due to mental health issues and because she wants to fix herself first, which is responsible.

What SAT subjects, if any, did you get a perfect score in? We don’t have SAT.

What were your best subjects in school? and what was your favorite subject in school? I loved taking history electives in college, and I performed the best in them too. I also did well in international relations, which was under the political science department.

Have you ever been abused by a parent or legal guardian? I’ve been verbally and emotionally abused by my mom ever since I can remember.

Do you have a lot of wounds from your past? If we’re getting visual then I’d rather say that I have one ugly, infected gash that gets bothersome from time to time. My past isn’t made up of little tiny scattered wounds.

Has anyone ever called you a jerk? Behind my back, probably.

Are you a jerk? I can be, so I don’t mind being called it. I never said I was the nicest person.

What color were your bedroom walls in high school? They have always been white. My mom doesn’t let us have control over our own rooms, so in the beginning it’s always been plain boring white. Don’t get me wrong, I like my room but sometimes it just feels like living in a cell.

Is there a girl or guy you wish you hadn’t let slip away? I wish I was still close with my high school friends, and I remember saying how they were for keeps in my old surveys so that makes me extra sad haha. I’m civil with most of them, but no longer close. And I only ever talk to them if it’s their birthdays or if they achieved something big. The only people I’ve remained close with from that original group are Angela and Hans.

Is there an old friend that you miss and would like to reconnect with? Not really. Sofie and I have grown apart from each other now and we’re both very happy, so there’s no need to change that. I’m okay with seeing her once or twice a year.

Who has hurt you the most? My mom.

Have you been bullied? Yeah in kindergarten. Long-lasting effects though.

Which talent show, if any, would you most like to audition for? and have you auditioned for one? No thanks. I don’t have the kind of talent that I can show off, like singing or playing an instrument.

Do you know anyone who’s auditioned for American Idol? I don’t think so. But my mom knows someone who auditioned for our local version of America’s Got Talent. He’s a ventriloquist that my mom used to get for our parties. As far as I know he got into the grand finals, but I’m not sure if he won.

Is there someone you think should audition that hasn’t yet? American Idol’s been over for a while now.

What time of day do you usually feel your best? I love the evenings.

What’s one way in which you’ve changed within the last ten years? I was in sixth grade then, I’ve graduated from college now. My mom was purely verbally abusive to me then, now we have brief stints of having an actually healthy relationship. I had one dog then and I have two dogs now; I had no friends then and I have tons of them now. There’s been a lot of tiny changes but nothing that were life-changing.

Do you feel like time goes by fast, or slow? It goes both ways depending on how stimulated I am or how much fun I’m having.

Who do you know who has died of cancer? One of my great-aunts.

Has there been cancer in your family? Yeah, ^ that. Other than her I’m not sure if we’ve had other cases. My family tends to be hush-hush about cancer and only ever call it ‘c’ or ‘the big one.’

Have you ever stayed overnight in a hospital, and if so, what for? Yes, once for a low platelet count.

Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No but the cops here are just as corrupt as the ones in the US, so I can very much be a victim any time. It’s just a matter of being in the wrong place at the right time.

Have you ever been so angry you wanted to sue someone? Not so much that I wanted to sue someone, no.

Have you ever been a victim of racism? My country isn’t diverse at all and we’re all Filipinos here, and I’ve only ever traveled to Asian countries, so no. But racism is a big reason why I have no plans to go to other countries known for it.

Have you ever deleted a friend on Facebook for making racist comments? I’ve unfriended those who were being little bitches about BLM and George Floyd’s death, so I guess that kinda counts as being racist. I still have a few racist Facebook friends that I keep around, but that’s because they’re family members.

What was the last thing you ate? Binagoongan.

What was the theme of your senior prom? Clair de Lune, so like the moon and shit.

Did you go to prom? It was mandatory, so I had to go even though I really had no interest.

Have ever been engaged or married? I have been neither.

Are you an aunt or uncle? Nah but I’m a godmother to one of my cousins.

Do you live to glorify God and to do His will? LOL no

Are you happy with the way you are living your life day-to-day right now? It could be better and more filled with activity. But I’m not miserably depressed right now and that’s more than enough for me.

Do you feel like your life was better or worse six years ago? It was slightly better. I feel like 2014 was my best year.

Have you ever made a huge, catastrophic mistake? Not anything that ruined my life or someone else’s, no.

Do you feel like you are currently in a state of suffering? and that not all of your basic needs are being met? If so, how long have you been in a state of suffering? Basic needs?? So you mean poverty? No.

Do you hate social injustice? Absolutely. Anyone who tolerates it is automatically a gigantic prick, I’d say.

Are you happy with the current social class you are in? No. I don’t know how it translates to English, but in Filipino we have this term called naghaharing-uri that comprises the very very very very tiny top of the social pyramid and it’s made up of top government officials and their families, heads of corporations, old money families, etc. It’s no secret that it’s this 1% that exploits the 99% remaining in the pyramid, so even though I’m relatively comfortable in my class, I hate that, when it comes down to it, we’re only being used by this 1% for their own benefit.

Life isn’t fair. True or false? True.

Do you hate that life is so unfair? Sometimes, if it’s for stuff about social injustice and how some people have to be homeless, why homophobia exists, etc. But if it’s for tiny problems, I feel like they’re necessary sometimes so we can learn from them.

Name a few people who seem to have everything handed to them. Some richer kids that I know.

Who do you go to when you’re upset? Sometimes myself, sometimes Gabie.

Do you pray less or more than you did 5 years ago? A LOT LESS, thank fuck I got out of that trap.

Do you pray a lot? Definitely not.

Do you frequently have back pain? Yeah, haha. Kinda expected considering I have scoliosis.

What’s the worst side effect you’ve experienced for a medication? and what’s the worst withdrawal effect you’ve experienced from a medicine? Nothing worse than diarrhea. I’ve never experienced withdrawal.

Have you ever used an epi pen? Nopes.

What’s a name that you like but probably wouldn’t use for one of your kids? Isabella because I’m already an Isabelle and my girlfriend has a sister named Isabela.

What’s your name, and do you like it? Robyn. I like it now.

Would you prefer to give your kids common names or unique names? Common, more old-school names. I just feel like they sound super elegant.

Do you feel like anybody values you in the way that you deserve? Angela, Andrew, and Gab.

Who have you felt the most valued by? ^ Them.

Have you ever been treated like you were inferior? For sure.

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? Oh my god this survey is so long... we didn’t have bullies in high school. We had mean girls and mean girl cliques, but as long as you weren’t involved in drama with them you’d be fine.

Do you ever sleep outside? Nah. I’d sleep at the rooftop but there are sooooo many mosquitoes at night.

How many siblings do you have? Two.

Are you the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child? Eldest.

How many kids do you want to have? One or two would be great.

Do you want to get married? Yessssssss.

Best date you’ve been on? Probably that time we went to BGC so we can feel fancy and have a fancy dinner, then when we meant to walk back to our car to go home we ended up having impromptu drinks at like 11 PM when we randomly found a jazz bar loudly playing live music in the area. OH and that time we went museum hopping in Manila and we ended the day having delicioussss Italian food.

Dream date? Traveling out of the country.

Ever kissed someone on New Year’s? Nah. We celebrate New Year’s with our respective families so there’s no chance of that happening. Which is fine, because New Year’s is traditionally a family-centric holiday here so it would be weird for anyone to ditch their families.

Have you ever had an experience so good you felt like you were flying? Sure.

Have you ever been in so much pain you prayed that you would die? YES, with my toothache last year.

What brings you the most joy? My dogs.

What is your passion; what is it that would bring you the most joy and fulfillment in life? I’m at a point where it still keeps changing, so I don’t wanna give an absolute answer to this just yet.

Have you ever laid your dreams aside because someone else wanted you to? That’s never happened to me. I only ever gave up on one dream because it realistically wasn’t attainable, when it came down to it.

Who supports you in everything you do? My two best friends.

Who always tries to stop you whenever you try to go after your dreams? I haven’t had anyone bar me, but if someone tried to they would definitely hear from me.

Do you believe in following your heart, in going after your dreams? Not always.

Do you wish other people would want you to be happy? Of course.

Do you wish you had someone who loved and supported you? I already do.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

some s2 Magnus Archives comments

(and also a liiiiiittle bit of s3 because I had some insomnia last night so obviously I...listened to...this horror podcast full of creeping nightmare content)

JON!!!  Oh my dude I’m pretty sure you’re...inexorably part of the Archives now!  Like, you can run but you can’t hide from the elder god watching your every move, presumably determined to absorb you into itself as its latest earthly puppet/avatar/pawn/what have you.  I am EQUALLY sure that if Jon tried to stop recording statements at this point he would like...lose his mind.  He’s been injecting Elder God Juice directly into his spinal cord like some kind of supernatural epidural for too long, and now if he stops he’ll hit the worst withdrawal in the world.  Enjoy those eldritch DT’s, Jon.

If this isn’t true please do not tell me, I love this concept and I will write an AU for it if it’s not true.  I feel like the first s3 episode of him being sent a statement supports this, though, and also did he steal the Institute tape recorder or just buy his own?  The Institute had two, so it’s possible Jon took his and they’re using the other one.  I like that answer for comedy value, although it would beg the question of what happened to the tape.  Probably Jon abandoned the Institute recorder, along with the tape (which Elias then Happened To, one assumes), and then went out and bought his own, which I feel only strengthens my stance that Jon is paranormally addicted to taking statements.

The Eye is about Knowing Stuff, right?  I feel like that would scan.

Also, Jon, Jonathan, my dear Archivist, my best beloved paranoid moron, this is why we tell people things.  This whole thing could have been So Different if he had eliminated suspects and then told those eliminated suspects things, although on the other hand NotSasha took a while to make the suspect list at all because Jon is a brilliant, brilliant idiot, so then again maybe not.

ELIAS!!!  Oh my god I called this, I knew he was guilty of like...Everything.  He’s too nice!  He’s too good a boss!  I have had some good bosses, I’ve even had good bosses in academia, but literally no academic is that calm about everything!  CLEARLY A MURDERER.  I also listened to the episode in s3 where he threatens Daisy and I love him, reader, I love him, he’s a monster and a murderer and I want Daisy to get the chance to kill him because it would make her happy, but I love him.  Holy SHIT I love the trope of “Monster is very possessive and protective of its things, including the people who serve it” and I am super pumped to see Elias continue in that vein.  

Also eventually my dream outcome here would be Elias and Jon being directly at odds, in some way that would mean the Eye would have to choose, because the many complex flavors of fucked up interpersonal dynamic there... *chef kiss*  Perfect.  If you “win,” then great!  The nightmare monster of fear and eyes likes you best!  What the fuck does that say?  If you “lose,” well, you’ll probably be dead, so you won’t have long to feel betrayed or vindicated in your humanity or horrified to learn that you’re the replaceable piece of the machine.  But those couple of seconds sure would suck.

MARTIN AND TIM!!!  Hey listen, I would do absolutely anything for Martin Blackwood, literally anything under the sun, he’s so good and I love him so much, he deserves a different story than this clusterfuck.  On the other hand, I’m pretty sure he’s much more vitally important to this team than anyone (certainly Tim or Jon) is necessarily prepared to admit, because, hey, folks?  If Martin actually succeeded in leaving the Institute I’m absolutely positive that your currently precarious team would melt down in under a day.  I love it so much when Martin loses his temper, it’s like a kitten biting someone.  I will admit to wholly enjoying the bit where Martin ripped into Tim for his behavior, which brings me to Tim.  Tim, my dude, you may believe that Jon is a murderer, you may even be genuinely furious that he accidentally trapped you in the Archives, but you still risked your life without a second thought to go after him in those tunnels, and I love you for being such a fucking trainwreck.

DAISY AND MELANIE!!!  Hey!  Remember a day or two ago when I was like “Melanie is so radical I want her and Jon to be grouchy best friends”?  HEY!!!  I love Melanie, I love that every time she and Jon have a conversation that should by all rights be totally civil they end up shouting at each other, I love that she keeps coming back to talk to him even though she thinks he’s a dick, I love that they’re suddenly on perfectly identical wavelengths as soon as Jon starts speculating about ghosts and research.  (I bet Martin “Forged CV” Blackwood is furious that she just walked in and got offered a job, no bullshit Master’s required.)  I am so thrilled that she’s Jon’s contact, this whole situation was created to be a gift for me specifically.

Also, Daisyyyyyy.  Another monster I love.  I don’t know that much about her except that one episode with Elias but I love her.  She murders people and still clearly thinks she’s in the right and I love her for being a mystery and a monster and still clearly loving Basira so very much.  Speaking of which, Basira, I’m so sorry that you’re...probably not going to get out of this situation.  I am pretty sure you are going to end up back at the Institute pretty darn quick no matter how much you quit being a cop, this is your life now.  As long as you keep Daisy pointed in the right direction, you might even survive it.

GEORGIE!!!  I have heard two (2) episodes with this woman and I love her an unreasonable amount.  I can’t believe Jon “Local Disaster” Sims dated her.  I can’t believe he literally never mentioned this to Melanie.  I can’t believe she went out with a dumb jock mountain climber just so someone else would buy her Hungarian food.  We stan a legend.

[neshabeingchildish]

Hello Stranger Part 3

At this point, I don't even feel like redoing the final authors notes. Thank y'all all. Edit: So, okay... I’m feeling better, so lemme say that I am trying out deadlines and discipline for ff WIPs. This one I planned as a three parter. So, hopefully you like the conclusion.

Hello Stranger Part 3

Henry had woke up on the couch with a start! He had been transported into the past while he slept, and was right at that moment where he let Charlotte walk out of his life. That day he didn't know he wouldn't see her for 10 years. Now that he did, every time she walked away was a nightmare. He checked his phone. He'd only gotten about 2 hours of sleep. But he still got up and headed straight to the florist shop.

Making floral arrangements gave him some peace of mind. The decision to open a real store occupy his time and set appointments for people had been one of his best ideas. Most people ordered online anyway. And it was nothing to hire a few people to just man the shop, for when he couldn't be there because of his real work as Captain Danger.

None of the staff knew of his lifestyle, nor did they have access to the Man Caves. Schwoz reprogrammed the elevator to be code activated, and they replaced a few of the damaged caves with other burrows that Henry needed. His gym, his spa, a man cave for Schwoz, one for Jasper, and Ray's retirement home… which was currently the active Man Cave, because he didn't have friends or plans but didn't want to work as Captain Man anymore.

Henry's biggest concern about Ray retiring was that he didn't want Ray to "Jason Todd" him. "If you want to relinquish Captain Man, I take up the mantle-hood for sure and for good. Schwoz works for the Man Cave, meaning me and you can't have the right or even the ability to take anything over from me." Ray had agreed to that, only because he assumed Henry would be lax about it.

Sometimes he would try to threaten Schwoz to get something his way, but Henry had given Schwoz the option to escape Ray's threats by grounding him in the Man Cave until he calmed down. The first time was a doozy. The fight that Ray and Henry had when he came to see if he'd cooled off was their biggest yet. At the end of the conversation, Henry clarified, "As long as I'm in charge of the Man Cave, you don't get to attack, threaten or violate Schwoz or Jasper. They work for me and it is a hostile work environment that I won't allow on my watch. If you can't deal with that, Schwoz will bring Halley back to babysit you, if need be." He had his tough dad voice that he sometimes had to use with his own dad and when Ray stormed to his retirement cave, he locked him out of the Man Cave for a while,just in case.

But, seeing Charlotte and recalling their argument, his words, and recollection of examples of her truth over the years… he had to make it right. He built her a bouquet and sent it to where the search engine told him her office was. The high point of his day,nope.. his decade, was seeing the reaction she posted and all of the replies.

Followers trying to guess who the mystery man was. All the heart eyes and jealous drooling. The compliments on the bouquet itself because he appreciated respect for his craftsmanship.

.

Taking things slow, Charlotte soon realized meant that Henry needed them to work at his pace. Not necessarily slow in general, but he seemed more at ease whenever he could make the first move. She could handle that. She didn't like to chase anyway, so that was preferred to her.

They were spending time together, going on dates, talking about themselves and their worlds, and not dwelling on the fight and forgiveness between them - just the future. They were helping Jasper with wedding plans, both silently thinking and wondering what their own might look like if that was ever an option. Charlotte absolutely lived for Jasper's engagement ring and whenever they went to help him pick out Don's wedding ring, she couldn't help but notice Henry looking at various other ones. So, just for laughs, she said, "Be sure to consider that it's either an ethically sourced diamond, if not just crystals, something that says she's sift and dainty, but also don't get it twisted, she's a god-damned boss."

Henry blushed and giggled, "I don't even know what that means but I'll repeat it for the vendor if I'm ever in the market. I'm more of a 4 c's, reputable jeweler with genuine care for the buyer… I feel like just like with food or with flowers, the gift of a ring has to have all of the steps outlined in love. Like… I agree with ethically sourcing, and raise you ethically selecting. The jeweler needs to help the fiance find the perfect ring for their spouse,to feel that energy in that little piece of jewelry. But also, the jewelry has to consent. She has to call you and let you know that she's willing to be that symbol for the rest of her existence…" He looked at a particular ring whenever he said that. Charlotte definitely peeped it. It was perfect. It was probably the most visible representation of her desire for a ring that she had ever seen.

Whenever Henry caught her staring at it with him, he noted the expression in her eyes. She blinked it away and smiled, saying, "Well, Henry Hart, you and some ring are going to make some person… to be honest, if anybody proposed to me having said some stuff like that, they'd better have the entire ceremony in their pocket because how do you not just marry them on the spot?" He laughed.

Jasper fussed from across the store, "I really am happy that you found love, and I'ma let you finish, but I'M the one trying to buy a ring right now!"

Both friends blushed and, and bumbled over their words, and got back to business. Henry gestured to the jeweler at the ring when Charlotte was devoting her visible attention to Jasper. He didn't know when or if he'd ever actually use it, but seeing that look in her eyes, he certainly couldn't just leave it behind… not that he was letting either of his friends see him take it today. There were so many conversations and milestones before… he could even fathom breaching that subject.

Months passed of something that he couldn't put into words. Charlotte gave him the space and speed he needed all of the time and didn't seem pressed about it. They were going to be each other's dates to the wedding, even though they were both actually in the wedding as part of Jasper's wedding party, and he was simply floating on air lately.

Three months into their relationship, he was finally ready to be sexual with her. He'd explained the first time that they got physically intimate that he "didn't really get around to gaining any experience." It took quick work for her not to facially respond to Henry admitting to her that he was not only a virgin but sort of a prude. "I just couldn't for a long time, then after a while, it was pretty embarrassing and I've never met anybody or gotten close to anybody that I could be vulnerable enough to admit this to. I hope you don't think I'm as much of a loser as I feel right now."

She collected him and strummed his face, "There's no reason for either of us to feel like you're a loser. So you haven't had sex yet. So what? There's plenty of people who haven't for various reasons and all of them are valid. The reasons and the people."

The months of kissing, cuddling, and watching Henry figure out what he liked and loved and wanted was really satisfying for her. She had forgotten what it was like to have longer journeys than a fling and sometimes forgotten how it felt to feel something for the person that she was physically connecting with. Besides that, by the time he was ready for her, she was working with a combination of 10 years of him longing, 28 years of him waiting, and the 15 years of hero physical training and working that had his body magnificent to her. Plus, she was super in love with him at that point. It was hands down the best she had ever had and as they grew, it just kept getting better.

For him, it was the fulfillment of everything that he had waited for. Charlotte was always careful not to make him feel upset or unsure. She didn't make him feel inadequate. She was clear and concise about what she could do for and to him, always making certain that he was comfortable and consenting. It was way more beautiful than he thought his first time would be. He expected her to look annoyed when he fumbled or chuckle uncontrollably when he asked what he felt like were stupid questions. She was the perfect partner though - equal portions companion and friend.

It was like he'd been living in a bubble. It was like he forgot that real life had a way of bursting bubbles. It was like he forgot that just because Ray wasn't around her, Ray didn't exist on the same plane. He had definitely forgotten that Ray had agreed to give Jasper away…

.

From the moment that he and Charlotte came into contact, Ray was pretty much at her neck. The thing about it was that they hadn’t seen each other in 10 years and the last time that he’d done this to him, she had told him about himself and didn’t take it back nor regret it a single moment. So, on this day, she certainly wasn’t going to have any of his shit.

“Ah, if it isn’t world renown problem solver Charlotte. Are you here to make sure nobody has any fun at Jasper’s wedding?”

Henry sighed threw his head back. Why hadn’t he considered that Charlotte and Ray would have bad blood.

“Oh, look - Ray Manbabychester. Riding fifty and still going on fifteen,” she commented right back. He fumed and she smiled and added, “Great to see you, Old Man.”

“I don’t look a day over 35,” he said, and while he did still look pretty good for his age, she couldn’t resist.

“Maybe not, but you don’t act a day over 5. Moving on to rehearsal, because we do want this to go on schedule, right Jasper?” Jasper fought off laughter as he nodded. For the rest of the rehearsal, Ray and Charlotte had it out. He’d try to get under her skin and she’d redirect him to what he could kiss. By the end of it, she announced to everyone, “Okay. People that we all claim to love are getting married on tomorrow. Hundreds of thousands of dollars, hundreds of hours, and immeasurable dedication has been given to this event. If I am the fun police, I’ll be that, because I’ll be damned, if anyone,” she looked directly at Ray, “jeopardizes Jasper’s special day.”

“Bridesmaid of Buzzkill, everyone!” Ray cheered.

“That doesn’t even make sense, you MASSIVE idiot!” she fussed, finally losing her cool. “I can’t believe that you’re still exactly the same as you always were...” Her voice was high pitched and screeching and she was honestly ready to sock him in the face, now thinking about the fact that he was pretty much the reason that she and Henry hadn’t spoken in as long as they hadn’t and she knew that even though Henry never said it that he probably spent that time bad mouthing her, just like he was currently doing. And now that she was thinking about it, she was a little bit mad that Henry hadn’t defended her today, not once and was getting ready to drag his ass for that too, as soon as she got him alone, but he injected himself into her fussing at Ray.

“Dude, you’ve been on her all day, and everybody is exhausted with it. Just stop.”

Ray scoffed. “Don’t. Don’t do that. Look, when I was an 18 year old kid, I let that stuff fly, but you know what she means to me and even if you don’t like her or don’t respect her, I’m not gonna just stand here while you bash her. It’s offensive to her, to me, and to Jasper, who we’re all here for… And you know… His spouse-to-be too…”

Ray folded his arms, “You’re siding with her after everything that she did to you?”

“Everything she…?” Henry clenched his fists and said to Jasper, “We’re gonna go, okay?” Jasper nodded. Ray moped as he stomped out of the building and Charlotte tried to keep steam from exploding from her ears. Henry gently pulled her aside, shook his head and said, “I am so sorry that I let that go on for so long. I promise, I was gonna get him together when he first jumped off, but you seemed like you had it and I didn’t think he was getting to you until that part. I would’ve protected you if I thought you needed it..”

She nodded, “I did have it at first. Then, he just kept taking jabs and I thought about all of the years that I put up with that kind of stuff from him. I thought about all of the realizations that I came to in my self discovery of how toxic and traumatic a lot of his verbal and emotional abuse was and the times that he literally almost killed me multiple times while I was a kid at a part time job. Then, I thought about everything that he’s done to you, and I just snapped. I know you love him. I know that I don’t fully understand your relationship. I just…"

"You're right. You were then and you are now. It took me awhile to realize it, that over the years as I was coming into myself, I saw examples and I know that you were spot on about a lot of it, even if I couldn't handle hearing it yet. I do love him and I always will, but I'm not letting those feelings get in between you and me ever again.I'm still working on me and I'm working on him. I'm working on us. I let my loyalty to Ray make us strangers, once. We were never supposed to be that. Look, I know that you don't believe in "the one" or forever, but whatever it is that you think about journeys, I think that you have to know that some of those don't end until you die. And that's what I want, with you. This journey until I'm done."

She leaned into him with a smile and said, "Henry Hart, that sounded suspiciously like a proposal."

"Well, it was definitely the set up to one. Certainly can't ask any time this weekend. Do you realize the level of Bridesgroomzilla that Jasper would unleash?"

"Oh, he would kill us."

"Precisely, and I'm not in any position to die, now that I've finally found my reason for living."

It would be an utter lie to suggest that he didn't frequently make her gush. This eas above and beyond that, though it was interrupted when Ray yelled from the door, "Henry, are we leaving or not???"

Henry groaned, forced a smile and said through his teeth, "He might wind up getting killed."

"Yeah, by Jasper if he keeps it up," she said and they parted ways. A couple of hugs and kisses later, that is. "Good luck getting Gramps settled."

He met up with Ray, scolding him while he pouted and Charlotte waved at them and watched them bicker from the window of the venue. Ray was a lot, but Henry said that he was working on him, on them,so maybe there was hope for him yet.

As for her hope, she was staring at him. He looked back, smiled and the world stopped for a while. Maybe she hadn't believed in soul mates because at the time, hers was a stranger and they were estranged. She didn't know that it could ever be this way. But, it was and her next journey just might be the longest. The stranger was gone now and her soul mate had entered the journey with her and he wanted that journey… for life.

The End.

[lovetheangelshadow]

N’Pressions: Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker

So a small bit of fair warning before going forward. I am a casual normie consumer of Star Wars and most of my interaction with the franchise is the nine core films and a handful of the Clone Wars episodes (notably the Tartakovsky run). Also I will being mentioning a few minor spoilers mostly to help with certain issues I have had with the sequel trilogy. Personally the Star Wars franchise has always been just fun popcorn flicks for me and that is honestly mostly what I wanted from the sequel trilogy. Would I have been happy if they tried to take the series forward and tried new things even at risk? Sure. It is one of the reasons why the Digimon anime series has that much value to me. Do I hate Disney not really pushing as much as they were certainly capable of? Not really. In all fairness the sequels have given me mixed feelings. Not exactly a love or hate relationship, but something just above okay. You really gotta do something to make me hate it.

So moving on to the final film of the trilogy. It did feel a bit rushed. Like they were trying to cram so much stuff in to get this thing completed. It was not exactly like say, Endgame or Deathly Hollows where you could split the films in half to get more of a complete story. Even still, it is not the worst rushed final I have seen before. The basic idea is that the First Order has been granted a super powerful fleet by the Emperor that could decimate the resistance and they only have a limited time before they are sent out. Thus the mission is to locate the fleet and strike them before they have a chance to launch. Meanwhile the Emperor is sending Kylo to hunt down Rey and since the two are still Force-linked it becomes a game of cat and mouse between the two. And thank you for actually giving us some more lightsaber fights, sequel trilogy! Seriously, there has been a real lack of it in the first two films. That being said I do kinda feel like the battles between Ray and Kylo were a tad drawn out, but at least we almost saw Rey nearly get her ass kicked to the curb for once.

Okay, I do not necessarily hate Rey. She is not the worst Mary Sue character I have had to tolerate. I think what irks me the most is that she had honest to gods potential of being a really good character on par with Luke. A scavenger who desires above all anything else a sense of belonging, of purpose. Someone who is constantly looking to the past for answers for that feeling but always coming up blank, even when the call keeps telling her to look forward. Her finally finding a family and place among the resistance. But because of her lineage of Palpetine, the dark side keeps coming around to tempt her; to offer her greater purpose than these ragtag team she’s come to care about. Every time she thinks she finally has a family the dark side rips it away from her (Han and Luke) until she falls into despair and loss of control and towards the dark side-but her new family being that single thread of light that will guide her and eventually to the new future. Showing that while the past may be a part of you, it does not define you. Except, we never get that. From the onset she automatically capable of flying the Millennium Falcon, force mind control, etc. We never really see her honestly struggle with the dark side. She rushes into dangerous situations and doesn’t suffer consequences for her recklessness or pride. She doesn’t really lose anything. Sure she occasionally feels doubt and fear but it’s glossed over and isn’t emphasized. Oh and the whole “I am all the Jedi” thing did feel a bit forced for me. Girl, Tony Stark you aint. Plus she should have said her family name was Palpatine showing that she has made peace with her past and is now looking to the future. For all the whole “strong female character thing” and all that-what is hilariously ironic is that it’s the other protagonist MALES that are most interesting. Even from Force Awakens I cared more about Finn, Poe, and Kylo than I ever did for Rey. And they actually had honest genuine arcs and were just overall far more compelling characters to me. Also Kylo is best character in the series, fight me.

So what was my thoughts on the final film itself? Honestly it’s a mixed bag. Like I said, the last film does feel a bit rushed and there are certainly notable plot holes-but it’s not the worst I have seen. It does actually feel like an end. One of the biggest issues I had was the pacing. I feel some of it could be trimmed back a bit-not that it did not serve a purpose or anything but sometimes the wait for the payoff feels…dragging. Also, hey we make these super big sacrifices, aka Chewie’s supposed death and C3P-O’s memory wipe, and boom “hey they okay now”. Like why? You put this big dramatic emphasis on how important these things are and you just flick them off as if they were nothing. I get people were mad how Han and Luke died, but come on! If you’re going to commit to this big dramatic cost-stick with it! Have Chewie’s death by Rey’s force lighting question herself and give her a real reason to be terrified and tempted by the Dark Side. Have C3P-0’s memory wipe be a reminder that there are hard costs in the fight for freedom. Also when did Rey get force healing powers? Was that even an actual thing? Okay I don’t have that much of a gripe about that because it at least pays off where Kylo Ren/Ben is concerned. That is the most hilarious thing about the trilogy, all the pieces were there to really make something and for whatever reason they don’t go full forward with it. I get it, there is this constant push and pull with fandoms and I rarely ever want anything to do with them because I know how toxic they can get (looking at YOU Ninjago fandom). But much like the Force, there has to be a balance. I think some minor fan input would have helped here and yes I know fandom reactions and the way Disney has been handling things has not been looking for either side and social media has not helped things.

That is not to say that the film doesn’t have its awesome moments as well in particular the final half of the movie-where Finn and Poe are planning the final assault on the Sith Fleet. Like Poe does from this hotshot flier who does reckless maneuvers to actually thinking and using strategy. Or Finn who once only wanted to run away from the First Order is now using his knowledge of them to work out a viable plan of attack like using the horse things instead of speeders because he knows they can disable them. Or the huge appearance of various ships all around the galaxy coming in to the fight. The Kylo vs Rey fights are pretty interesting as well-using the idea they are fighting each other but are physically in two places and the cinematography takes advantage of that-switching between the two environments and their strikes affecting the surroundings. Also the conclusion of Kylo’s arc was pretty satisfying and his death, in a way, felt a bit more impactful than Vader’s because we do actually see him struggle between the two sides thought the trilogy as opposed to Vader that in retrospect kinda felt more like a last minute heel turn to me. Plus the symbolism between the Skywalker and Palpetine aka Light Side and Dark Sides were a real nice touch such as Luke’s X Wing and Vader’s tie fighter landing together (Kylo’s star fighter’s design still kicks ass though). Oh and Palpetine really chews the scenery out and it is glorious. That being said, despite my hang ups I still enjoyed myself and thank gods it was not Digimon Tri. I’m Noctina Noir, and I’m one Nox of a Nobody.

[lifelibrariesandlemontrees]

Book Review: A Court of Wings and Ruin (Spoilers)

Okay. It’s here guys. And I’ve got a lot to say about it. Let’s begin.

Finally! After a year of waiting, the final book in Sarah J Maas’s A Court of Thorns and Roses series is here. I was super hyped for this book you guys, SO HYPED. How could I not be after the wonder that was the first two. But now the question is: Did the book live up to the hype?

Before I tell you, let me just reiterate that there will be spoilers in this review. I know, I know, usually I don’t. But I can’t help it, I had a lot to say and I want to get specific. So: If you haven’t read the book, you should probably turn back now. Get the book, read it, and when you’re done, come back and see if our opinions match up. Try it, it’s fun!

Okay. Are they gone? Has everyone here finished the book? Awesome. Let’s get started, shall we? (P.S: This is gonna be long) (And unorganized) (I apologize now) (I will put a Tl;Dr at the end, if you don’t want to read all of my unorganized rambling)

Did the book live up to the hype? I’m a little undecided, but as of right now I have to say...no. It was good, and I enjoyed it, but I think it was my least favorite of the books which honestly disappointed me a little. I went in with such high hopes, and maybe that was my mistake, but to be fair, the first two books were perfection. I had no reason to expect this book to be anything less. 

But...I had some issues. For one thing, something about the characters just felt a little...off, to me. Not always, but enough for me to notice. Take Feyre, for example. I was expecting to LOVE the beginning, to LOVE Feyre being a sneaky spy, taking down the king of Hyburn from inside the Spring Court. But when I was reading it? Well, for one thing it seemed too easy. I mean, I wanted her to succeed but like...the Spring Court basically rolled over and let her ruin them. 

But getting back to Feyre, I understand that this is supposed to be kick-ass High Lady of the Night Court Feyre, and she’s supposed to be super-cool and stuff, but she is still supposed to be Feyre. What I mean is that she’s still supposed to have her human heart, that’s what’s supposed to be special about her. She’s a high fae, with all the powers, but a human heart. In the beginning, I didn’t see too much of that. It was a lot of clever manipulations that always seemed to work out practically effortlessly. At one point in the book, Lucien says that she is a better friend to him than he is to her, but I’m not sure how true that is, considering that she used him in most of her manipulations. Need to make a point to Tamlin? Use Lucien. Need to make a point to Ianthe? Use Lucien. 

I didn’t hate all of their interactions, and I really loved the ones that felt genuine. But like, the scene where she put on a skimpy nightgown and pretended to have a nightmare just so Tamlin could find her with Lucien? What the hell was that? Like, kudoes to Lucien for trying to be a good friend but like, she didn’t need to do that. I get that she is still mad at Lucien for not helping her when he could have, for not standing up to Tamlin and for trying to bring her back.

 All I wanted when I went into this book was for Feyre and Lucien to bond again, be BFFS, have Lucien come over to the Night Court and for everyone to be happy. I love Lucien and I love their friendship. I wanted them to work out their issues. I didn’t sign on for all of this weird manipulation, because while I’m down for her fucking with the rest of the Spring Court, can she just not with Lucien. And sure, I might be playing favorites here, but Maas wrote Lucien to be such a conflicted, complex character, she made the readers love him, so to see him being used like this by the protagonist, just kinda sucks. 

Like I said before though, I did really enjoy the scenes where their friendship felt genuine. And I’m so SO glad that she risked messing up her escape plan to save him from Ianthe. And honestly, after all of that, I’m glad he questioned whether or not he knew who she was, because frankly Lucien, I wasn’t sure I knew who she was either.

I’m pretty sure Maas was trying to emphasize the changes in Feyre, portray her as a stronger character who is capable of making the hard calls, but there’s a balance, you know? And I’m not sure she managed it. 

It wasn’t just with Lucien. I mean, I care about Lucien the most because he’s one of my favorites, but what about that guard? The innocent one who was whipped for something Feyre manipulated him into doing. And she let it happen, for the sake of winning over the guards. That is a scene that I don’t completely disagree with, because THAT’S the kind of thing I think of when I think of having to make hard-calls in wartime situations, but just the way she thought about it. Feyre mentioned that she felt bad, but every other thought was something manipulative. Like how she went down to check on him. Maybe Feyre really was worried, maybe she really did do it because she cared, but in her mind she made  a point of mentioning that neither Tamlin nor Ianthe bothered to do so and it just so...manipulative. I expected to love the whole beginning, but I had a hard time loving it as much as I should have, because I tended to feel like I was reading about a different character. 

Something I LOVED was that Lucien came with her to the Night Court. Because that was something I wanted. And I love that he recognized the Night Court as the kind of court he thought the Spring Court was going to be, back when he first moved there. 

Also this book was funny. You might not think so, being as it’s about war, and maybe it isn’t AS funny as the other ones, but it has some good lines. Azriel, for example, was an absolute delight of sarcasm and dry wit. I loved any time any of the Night Court had to fly Lucien anywhere because they were always so stiff and uncomfortable, like men at the urinal in the public bathroom- Take care of business, look straight ahead. No eye contact, no conversation. 

I ADORED meeting the other courts. I would have loved to have seen Alis again, in the Summer Court, because I’m a little concerned about her sons in the attack. Also, Alis was just wonderful in the beginning, seeing through all of Feyre’s lies, and I just love her. Regardless, the other courts were wonderful. I’m thrilled that Tarquin no longer hates the Night Court, and Vivienne and Helion were both amazing. I love, love, LOVE that Helion has been trying to have a threesome with Azriel, Cassian and Mor. And I love that he’s Lucien’s real father because frankly, my poor little fox deserves better than Beron. 

Okay...now back to my issues. Can we talk about the sex? And how much there was, and just how unnecessary it felt? Maas got her start writing fanfiction, and while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, that’s what most of these sex scenes felt like. Fanfiction sex scenes that are just there to keep your readers interested while you move the plot along. There were maybe 2 that needed to be there. And sure, there were sex scenes in the previous two books, but they felt needed. They were there for character development, relationship development. But Feyre and Rhysand are already in the relationship, and even if they have sex all the damn time the book doesn’t necessarily need to show us. I appreciate the sex scene when they first got back, and the one right before the war. Those felt important. The rest just felt like fan service. 

I feel like Maas is good at initiating relationships, but not so good at maintaining them. There were times when they felt like their initial chemistry was lacking a bit. Not often, but there were times, and they were usually followed by sex, as if she was aware of the flaw and attempting to fix it. Like, look, the can’t keep their hands off each other. That fixes everything, right? 

Just a little piece about Feyre being out of character, she brought Lucien to the night court and then basically just...left him there? She said she would show him around and then never did. Ever since Feyre and Rhys reunited it was almost as if anything that wasn’t Rhys, her sisters, or the Night Court didn’t really matter, and frankly that’s just a little annoying. 

You know what I wanted to see? Feyre in Velaris again, interacting with her subjects. Talk to the shop keepers, like the lady who made the food at the restaurant in the last book. Go out for a night, just Feyre, Mor, and Amren. Little things like that. And I know there is a war coming, but they had time. And don’t say there wasn’t room in the book, because if you took out some of those sex scenes, there would have been room y’all. 

I don’t know how I feel about the side pairings in this book. Any of them: Cassian and Nesta, Lucien and Elain, Mor and Azriel. I don’t know. 

In regards to Cassian and Nesta, I guess I just...can’t figure it out? And I was excited for this one too, because I could feel it in the last book. Nesta was still bitchy, but she was a softer sort of bitch. Just a little. After being thrown into the cauldron she seemingly lost any softness and she was just a bitch. Like... Amren was grumpy in a lovable way. Nesta was just an asshole. I tried so hard to like her but I had a lot of trouble, and I couldn’t really understand why Cassian was so in love. I could see him being attracted, see him thinking she was hot, see him flirting and trying to get a rise, but I don’t understand the adoration. 

Lucien and Elain. I don’t quite understand what Maas is trying to do here. On the one hand, she set us up for this pairing. She made them mates. But then she gave us that conversation about how Azriel and Elain would be better together. Throughout the story, characters have talked about the mating bond, and how it’s flawed. In that respect, I can appreciate her giving us an actual example of a mating bond that isn’t between the best possible candidates. What I don’t understand is why she would do that with Lucien. Yes, I am biased. I fully admit to it, and if you haven’t figured out that I love Lucien to tiny tiny little bits, then I don’t know what you’ve been reading. But even putting my own feelings aside, from a narrative standpoint it just doesn’t make sense to me. 

Hear me out. I’m not the only person who loves Lucien. I’m on Tumblr a lot guy, I know he’s pretty popular. He’s supposed to be. She’s made us love him, made him a conflicted and sympathetic character, made us someone we can root for. She’s given him so much pain, that when the mating bond clicked into place, I though “Ok, Lucien is going to get something good.” From a feminist standpoint I’m forced to object, because that puts Elain as a prize to be given to Lucien in return for his suffering, and women should be more than that, but I feel that the implication is that they will be good for each other. I wanted to watch him help her accept her new fae self, to watch them slowly fall in love, and in the end they’re both happy. I don’t know how much I care about Elain being happy (I’ll get into that later) but that’s what I wanted. What I got was something completely different.

I like that Elain doesn’t care about him at first. That would have been unrealistic, and I wasn’t expecting her to. but I wanted them to bond. And it’s not strictly because they’re mates, but because I find it hard to believe that with the exponential amount of shit that Maas has heaped upon Lucien already, she would also give him a dysfunctional mating bond. Like I’m so glad that she wants to show one that doesn’t work, but she could have gone about it in so many ways. Cassian could have found his mate, for example, but maybe she is married and he’s in love (for some reason) with Nesta. Something. Anything. But from a literary standpoint, I just don’t think it’s a good move to make the readers love a character, and then never give him anything good. AND THEN, at the end. there’s Feyre nudging Elain and encouraging her to ask Lucien to stay in Valaris and like... is Feyre in support of this pairing now? Why? What changed fro the scene where she was questioning the mating bond, because Elain and Azriel seemed like such a good match? What is this? That’s an actual question, because I legitimately don’t understand. 

I am interested to see how HELION BEING HIS FATHER!!! plays out. I’m super interested in that, and I was hoping it would come into play later (Psst. It never does) (That’s also something we’re going to discuss later)

Anyway, let’s talk about Mor and Azriel, shall we? I love them each, and shipped them, and thought they were going to be a thing. And yeah, I couldn’t quite figure out why Mor was dragging her feet, but then she dropped that truth bomb and just...wow. I’ve gotta say, I didn’t see that coming. And you know what, I’m totally in support of it. One of the biggest criticisms I’ve heard about Maas is the lack of LGBTQ characters in her books, and I guess she heard it too because this book is full of them. There was one of the high lords (I don’t have my book in front of me, I can’t remember which one. Not the ice one, or Helion, or Beron, or Tamlin, or Tarquin, or Rhys. I think it was the High Lord of the Dawn Court?) with his male mate, and there was mention of a woman and her wife in a story someone was telling about past events (I feel like they’re important characters but I’ve binge-read this book exactly once, during finals week. I read th end at like, 2 AM. I don’t remember this bit) and then there is Mor. So yeah, its a step forward in regards to representation.

What I don’t appreciate is Mor leading Azriel on for 500 goddamn years. It was pretty late at night by the time I got to this portion of the book, and I need to re-read it, so I don’t quite remember her exact reasons for never telling everyone that she’s more into women, but she straight up said she knows that her friends wouldn’t care. And if that’s the case, if she told no one else, she should have at least told Azriel. He’s going to be hurt whatever happens (though he may potentially move on with Elain???) but if you love him at all, you don’t let him pine for 500 years. I still love Mor to bits and want her to find the lady of her dreams, but come on. That’s not being a good friend. Even if you don’t tell him the exact reason, at least be honest with him, and break it to him that it’s never going to happen. Just do something. 

Getting back to Nesta and Elain, however. I’m trying to bond to them, but I just can’t. Elain is perpetually made out to be this good, sweet person but like...she isn’t? Not really. Both Nesta and Elain treated Feyre like crap, and I don’t feel like that was something that was ever fully resolved. Like...yeah, they started to in ACOMAF, and I thought for sure that it was going to continue here. And it kind of did, with Nesta (a little), but Elain? Everyone just loves and protects her and it’s as if shenever did anything wrong. I love that her sisters are getting to be part of the night court, and I love that Feyre is loyal to them, but I just wish that someone would acknowledge that they never really made up for their behavior. Not in my opinion anyway. 

And while we’re on the subject of Feyre’s dad, what was even the point of him? I hated that whole little situation to be honest, where Lucien just goes off to find the Swan Queen (I can’t remember her name, and I lent my book to a friend) I guess because Maas got sick of writing him? I don’t know, that’s what it felt like. Anyway, I was expecting him to show up in the final hour with this awesome army, and his stupid family is forced to watch him be awesome. I just imagined that in my head and it was glorious. But that wasn’t what happened at all. Instead, the army shows up and Fey’re is like, “Lucien?” and is told “Oh him? No. I mean, he was there, he hurried us along. But the real credit goes to YOUR FATHER OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!” Like, 1, why even give Lucien that task in the first place? I don’t mean Rhysand, but Maas, why do that? It just reads like an obvious red herring, something to throw us off the trail, only she didn’t need to do that because I don’t think anybody was on that trail. I certainly wasn’t anyway. If you’d ask me who was going to show up in the final battle, ‘Feyre’s deadbeat father” wasn’t even a contender. 

Nevertheless, when he did show up I was amazed. I was totally there for it guys. her father finally fucking did something, he’s helping. I was expecting there to be some big reunion. Some moment. Some PURPOSE. But like...there wasn’t. Lucien COULD have been the one to bring the Swan Queen (I wish I remembered her name) for all the difference it would have made, because her father didn’t do a damn thing. He was there for two seconds, got held hostage, and then died. I don’t think he ever even said anything. There was NO PURPOSE to him. If she wanted Elain to kill the king, she could have simply had him fighting Nesta, Nesta is overpowered somehow, and Elain steps in. Like...there was no point to their father, and what I’m pretty sure was meant to be a touching, emotional scene, just came off as a little gimmicky to me. 

AND WHILE I’M COMPLAINING (I swear to God, I really did like this book) What’s up with the deaths in this book? Let me explain.

I’ve never read to the end of a Sarah J Maas series before, so I didn’t know what kind of author she was. Was she the kind to kill off major characters? The kind that doesn’t kill off anyone? Well...she’s actually somewhere in the middle: She kills people, but never makes it matter. Which was...disappointing.

She killed the Suriel. She killed Rhysand. She killed Feyre’s father (What even was his name?) She kind-of-killed-but-didn’t-really- Amren. And ultimately, not one of those deaths mattered. In fact, only 2 of them stuck, and neither one needed to happen. Rhys came back to life. Amren became fae. Only the Suriel and Feyre’s father actually died, and I feel like their deaths were just in there to say someone died.

Just judging from what it feels like, I think Maas wanted to have the war be meaningful, and risky, and for the stakes to be high. Like in Game of Thrones, when anyone could die, so you’re perpetually worried about everyone you care about. Only she couldn’t bring herself to kill her darlings, so she killed characters she wasn’t as attached to, like the POOR SURIEL! 

I loved the Suriel. I lived for his friendship with Feyre. And here’s the thing: He didn’t need to die. It wasn’t really a motivator for anything. It was just sad, and I think it was Maas attempting to raise the stakes in this war. But she didn’t want to kill any of the Night Court. Except Rhys, but she brought him back and honestly that was so disappointing.

Not about Rhys. I love Rhys to tiny little pieces. I cried at his death, even as I failed to believe he was going to stay dead, because it was just so sad. No, what I’m disappointed in is how low the staks actually felt. My favorite series (Game of Thrones, The Farseer Trilogy, etc...) kill off beloved people all the time, so the danger feels more real. And it hurts, and I hate it, but I think the constant panic adds something to the reading experience. At no point during this book did I feel that, because I just didn’t believe she would kill off anyone beloved. And aside from my LOVE FOR THE SURIEL, she didn’t.  

That being said, while I feel like the Suriel’s dath wasn’t quite as traumatic for the main character as, say, one of her friends would have been, and it was a bit of a cop out, IT DEVASTATED me. I love the Suriel so so much! FyreXSuriel is my forever bro-TP and to have him die. To admit that she was spcial, and kind The Suriel was a dreamer..... He never needed to die, dammit!

Fuck, Amren wasn’t even dead. It would have been sad, because she would have forgotten her friends, but it felt right. It was an awesome scene, when she is set free to take her rightful form, she kicks Hyburn ass. I love Amren, but I didn’t want her to come back, because it was sad that she would forget them, but that also made it a more powerful scene. As happy as I am that she isn’t gone, I feel like the fact that she isn’t...cheapens it.

Also, wtf was with her relationship with Valdrin (IS that his name? Probably not. You know who I mean.) That was like....left field. Maas loves to hook up all of her character but they don’t all need to be hooked up. Amren seemed pretty content with just her friends, and I know there was that line about how he taught her something about love but like...there are more than one type of love. I’m not actually that bothred by it, it just didn’t seem like it needed to happen. 

Now Tamlin... What to say about Tamlin. I couldn’t never get a feel for him. He’s an asshole, but a decent guy, but an asshole, but a traitor, but not really? Idk. I was actually pretty happy with the portrayal of Tamlin, and he had every right to be mad at Feyre for destroying his court. Actually, in retrospect, why did she destroyed his court. Like...I know it was so he couldn’t team up with Hyburn, but that didn’t actually hurt Hyburn at all and backfired spectacularly. Couldn’t any of the centuries old warlords have maybe forseen this turn of events? Maybe?

Finally, all the loose threads. So many loose threads. What happens next? Who ends up with whom? What are all th new chracters going to do? Who is the mysterious magician in control of the curse on Swan Queen? What is the point of these characters. Aside from the obvious, defeating Hyburn thing, most issues wren’t resolved. And I know that this is because she is continuing the series, just following a different character, but I still find it irritating. Even if it isn’t the end of the series, it’s the end of the trilogy. I can’t even use the loose ends to determine who the continuation will be about because there are so many that at this point it could be about anyone. Thats probably just a personal issue, but I found that annoying. 

Tl;DR

I liked this book a lot. No, really, despit my PARAGRAPHS worth of issues, I really did enjoy it. I did. I just also had a lot of issues, mostly with characterization, the overload of unessecary sex scenes, some aspects of the plot that just did’t need to be there (Her dad) and all the loose threads at the end. Overall, I find that the whole thing feels a little rushed, which is crazy to say for a 700 (aprox) page book but...it did. I think she could have spread this out over 2 books and had more time for characterization and the like.

Overall though, I did enjoy this book. It was great to see the characters again, and even as I was complaining, I was hooked until the very end. 

Rereadability: 4/5

Rated: 3.5/5

[agirlnamedsteve]

Some conversations I’ve been having recently

Conversation 1:

[in response to an instagram story about the timothée chalamet/harry styles interview]

Steve: I adored that interview. May or may not have been emotionally wrecked by it [hasn’t read the full thing yet, just read internet commentary on it as of now]

Maggie: I’m actually super interested in this. I was just talking to Madeline about this. What parts particularly struck you/resonated with you?

S: Hey sorry it took so long for me to respond

S: I think the part where they talk about the contrast of being a public figure which comes with a certain amount of self celebration, especially during awards season, when so many people are suffering

S: It just seemed like the sort of conversation that I was really happy to see in print that happened between two celebrities

S: Like bringing up social media and the Arab spring seemed really random, but also like something that would randomly come up if my friends and I were talking about stuff like this

S: The masculinity part of the conversation wasn’t the most nuanced thing I’ve ever heard but I appreciated it a lot

S: They both just come off as really genuine guys and I hope this sort of interview/interaction between celebrities becomes more visible. 

M: Yeah I pretty much feel the exact same.

M: I think that i should stops calling it an interview because it’s a conversation. It feels like two guys meeting for the first time at a party and discovering they have similar interests and thoughts and just having a very natural convo.

M: Even if the questions were planned it felt very real. So everyday. And like it just happened to be recorded for us to read.

M: Also super interesting to contrast Harry who has been in the spotlight for so long with Timmy who is so new to the world.

M: And how much I feel Harry could teach him.

S: Yeah that was a really beautiful beginning, like I can’t believe that was the first time they’ve talked

S: Made me smile, I’m a sucker 

S: Just seemed like two normal guys but they’ve both ~made it~

S: Timmy talking about his family was sweet as heck 

S: I didn’t feel like they necessarily did justice to talking about the social responsibility of celebrities but I like that it was mentioned

M: And I think the part about gratefulness really hit me. The idea that they are both trying to remind themselves that they aren’t owed any that they have but that they are really lucky.

M: Yeah it felt like a throw away

M: Some of it I don’t think they really got deep enough into. The stuff that felt forced because they felt like they had to bring it up. Instead of it coming up casually.

M: I think the reason people are really into this article is because it makes these mythical people so present and quotidien and relatable

M: Like they could just be our friends 

M: And it feels quite intimate 

S: It does feel so intimate. And I have a good friend on this program who went to la guardia with Timmy and knows him in such an intimate way, so I feel like that reminds me of his humanity as well

S: It seems very genuine, but I also can’t help but wonder how much of this is also about image and knowing it’s the right thing for them to say

M: Yeah. And I’ve heard from people at la guardian that he is actually a pretty great guy

M: Yeah. What I thought was particularly interesting was the difference in composite between the two. 

M: Like Harry seems so put together and Timmy feels like a mess. Like not in a bad way just like more nervous and rambley and how the years of coaching and PR people changes how you do these sort of things. But also Timmy has been praised for this so I wonder also if he’s playing it up at this point. Like people point to it as proof that he’s genuine.

S: Okay I noticed that too, and it might be age, and it might be him playing up the rambling young charismatic genuine guy-thing he has going on. Regardless I kind of loved the chatter. 

S: There were questions I felt Timmy didn’t actually answer though, like in the fluster of trying to keep the conversation it seemed like there was something missed. But also phone interviews are so interesting. Like your words that you say, which you can’t easily manipulate without training and practice, can come out sounding super different than you wanted based on context and reactions to the unknowns of verbal conversation. 

S: I guess phone interviews aren’t any different than in-person interviews minus body language, which I always find interesting to read about in journalists’ second-hand perspectives when they do write-ups of the interviews. 

S: But I have been thinking a lot about how social media allows us to curate our words in a way that changes how we communicate in general. 

M: And how much practice you get. 

M: Yeah it’s weird because Harry is only like two years older but has been famous for so long. And I at least take comfort in the idea that Timmy at least was first rambley genuinely. But I always get freaked out by whether I’m being manipulated or not. 

M: But also Harry’s specificness makes him sound so mature like wow.

S: Media manipulation! I was just talking about how I feel like I’m being constantly mislead by mainstream media and my own ‘free thought’ isn’t free thought at all. 

S: And I try my best to find out things for myself, but the internet is wide and vast and can very easily turn into an echo chamber. 

M: I’m terrified because there are people who’s job it is to make us think a very specific thing.

M: And they are so good at it. 

S: How do we make sure we don’t all just turn into sheep?!

Conversation 1: 

[lovey dovey but also reflective] 

Steve: I was doing some reflecting the other day and wrote stuff down in the most of my academic notes

S: Allow me to transcribe because it’s literally illegible

Max: Please do. 

S: Max really handles disappointment well. Like he fails with grace and that’s not an easy skill to learn, it’s intuitive. He know what’s he wants to do and others see that in him. I always look forward to seeing how he handle disappointment and fears of the unknown with grace and embrace those  harder times knowing that he offers so much support for himself and others in those spaces of discomfort. Also pancakes can always cure the worst moments.

M: That’s a really beautiful thing for you to notice and share with me. I’ve never thought anything close to that about myself before. 

M: Can I share a reflection I’ve had recently?

S: please do. 

M: it’ll take a sec

S: Go for it 

M: So it’s definitely a document sized reflection so I made a doc for it in the drive

M: But here it is anyway for convenience

M: Alison,

You know that I love love. I've read books and listened to philosophical speeches and podcasts and even taken a dang class on the matter. I think and talk about love all the time. When I was younger I understood love to be complex but not necessarily dynamic. I knew it was something that required some form of "work" to sustain but then I framed it more as maintenance, upkeep that both parties participated in to maintain the love that they shared. I could conceive of the oh so many factors that make up a relationship, communication, time, sex, affection, compassion etc. At the time all of these things were external, each of them pieces of the love bus to be tinkered with it so it would run smoothly for many miles. What I couldn't have conceptualized at the time was what it means to grow with someone. Not to somehow "induce" growth on the other person or encourage them to make positive changes in their life but to look inside myself and search for what I really want and push myself to figure out how to get there and then actually put in the work to get closer and closer, day by day. 

This has been a really hard few months for me. I've been met with many disappointments in my family, my work, and personal life, and spent many hours lamenting about each of them. All the while I've thought some version of "if Alison were here things would be better. We could talk and laugh and fuck and dine and do all the things that made me oh so happy when we were in the same place." 

I've thought a lot about where that thought comes from and must first say it's absolutely valid and for the most part true. Doing anything with you is immeasurably better that doing the same thing without you, just reading your words on the page or a screen makes me want to shout with glee and affection no matter where I am (usually I just smile like a young me in an arcade for a while for fear of alarming those around me [other times I just shout because i dont give a FUCK])

I think part of the reason our love and are relationship felt so unique and special from the beginning was that each of us were so satisfied as individuals. We have deep connections with amazing friends and ask questions about complex issues and take great pleasure in struggling to find answers. We are passionate about so many things and recognize the value of our time and the way we spend it. And when we came together we just kind of celebrated all of that in this awesome way where we would celebrate both each other as people and all those amazing things that make us who we are. Its intoxicating, and incredibly addicting. In these months where things have been hard and I’m not spending my time in ways that situait my heart and my soul I’ve looked to you to fill that space, when I need to take responsibility and fill that space myself no matter how near or far you are.

I think I got a bit lost in immeasurable grandeur that is our love, and it has taken me a lot of thinking and talking and writing to understand and really believe that I am so much more than my love for you. Though it is overwhelming and feels allencomapsing it is just a part of who I am. As hard as this distance has been I am so thankful for it, as it has given me the space to think and feel through things I could only do on my own. It's so wild to think about how our story and how the year between matching on tinder and getting coffee in Olin was so necessary for both of us. 

Growth is hard and it's painful, both physically and emotionally, and I want to grow with you, separately and together, from near and far, for as long as we want to. I hope it's for a really really long time.

I have a much greater understanding for what you said to me over the summer, that you didn't want to be THE thing that either made me happy. That's a lot of pressure, and I can imagine doesn't feel very good. 

of course, recognizing all these things is just the start. As hard as it was to get her now a different kind of work starts that may prove to be even harder. I need to take action in my own life and make the changes that feel right, that draw from the deep well of passion I know I have inside me and drive me forward. And If I'm lucky I'll get to tell you all about it

S: Oh wow I loved reading that

S: That is so big

S: Thank you for sharing 

S: You’re literally so self aware and want to do the work on yourself that people need to do (esp men in general if I’m being honest) and that just took a lot of pressure off of me to have to ask you to do that work, so wow I’m honestly honored

S: Never stop growing, I never want to stop growing with you

S: And I agree wholeheartedly especially with the middle section about how much that year was important for us, and how we came into this relationship both knowing ourselves so well and being so established and happy so we just relished in being able to enjoy each other

S: that’s so special. 

S: I think we’ll definitely get back to that place. I don’t feel like we’ve left it, but it’s different ya know?

M: It feels so good to share that with you

M: Of course of course, and the “place” were in together will always be changing and always be beautiful

M: I just sort of started thinking and all of a sudden some of those things just became really clear

S: wow yeah I love that 

M: me too.