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jobean12-blog · 4 months ago

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Burn for You

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x female reader

Word Count: 2.2K

Summary: Even though you know Marcus would protect you with his very last breath you still want to learn to defend yourself but what will your husband say when you ask him to teach you?

Author's Note: Just another little story in our happy world where everyone is on the same side and friends haha. This is a stand alone story that I couldn't resist after seeing the new snippets from the movie- and then Pedro himself posts the sword gif and I died all over again. How dare he? It's so hot🔥🫠Thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics thank you Daisy! 🥰

Warnings: fun and flirty and tense, he's always soft and perfect, semi public sex, smut, they just can't get enough of each other.

Pedro Pascal Character Masterlist

The gold trimmed linen falls over his bare skin, and you smooth your hands down his chest to straighten it.

“When are you going to teach me how to wield a sword General?”

You reach for the fascia, gently placing it over his leg before starting to secure it. When his silence drags on you look up from your kneeling position.

“Are you trying to think of some filthy thing to say right now?” you tease. “I am on my knees.”

The corner of his mouth lifts into a mischievous smirk.

“If I didn’t know how much you loved being in that position, I might have something more to say…”

“But…” you finish for him as you slowly slide up his body and meet his eyes.

“Your question has surprised me.”

You take his cuirass and press it to his chest with more force than is necessary.

“And why is that husband?” you ask through clenched teeth.

As you begin to tug on the leather strings at his sides he grabs both your wrists, grasping them in one hand and pulling you against his chest, while the fingers of his other press under your chin and hold your gaze to his.

“You think I do not believe you capable?” he asks with his brows drawn in.

“Why else would you not teach me?” you huff.

“Like my heart, body and soul, you have my sword until my last breath and forever after,” he whispers against your lips.

Your expression softens and you press your fingertips to his jaw, delicately tracing the scar just above the dark hair that lines his cheek.

“I know Marcus…”

“But…” he says, echoing your earlier sentiment.

“I wish to learn. I am strong. And I want to be able to defend myself.”

He remains quiet still, releasing your wrists and smoothing his calloused fingers along the curve of your shoulder.

“I could ask Lucius instead…” you start to muse.

“You will not,” he growls.

“He may not have the same reservations you have…whatever they may be.”

Your tone is cheeky as you press yourself closer to him, dancing your fingers down his side to give the leather straps of his cuirass a sharp tug.

He grunts lightly before his lips turn up into a smile.

“As you wish my love,” he murmurs. “I will teach you to wield a weapon.”

“Excellent,” you whisper, loosening your grip and reaching for the Manica to adorn his forearms.

He stops you with a firm hand and you raise a brow.

“On one condition…”

“And what is that?” you ask.

“You will train with me and only me. No other will come near you, touch you.”

“Of course,” you say with a lift of your chin. “Only you.”

He dips his head, the tip of his nose brushing yours as he presses you against his body.

“How much time do we have?” he mumbles, kissing you, chaste and soft.

He pulls back, licks his lips, and moves forward again, moaning softly against your mouth.

“Marcus,” you chide but it’s lacking vigor, coming out breathier and desperate.

When his hips rock you feel him, hard and ready and it’s like someone lights a match inside your chest and you curl your fingers into the edges of his cuirass and push him back toward the wall.

The draped fabric at your waist falls open and you gasp as cool air finds your skin where you’re wet and aching.

His roughened palm slides down your stomach and his fingers slip between your legs.

“Want to taste this,” he whispers, dragging the tip of his fingers in and out.

“Ah General Acacius. So good of you to grace us with your presence,” Lucius jokes, his eyes twinkling.

The other men stifle their laughter, clearing throats and shuffling feet when Marcus glares at them menacingly.

You step out from behind Marcus and smile at Lucius, whose surprised expression quickly transforms into one of mischief.

“Do we have a new trainee today General?” Lucius asks with a smirk.

Marcus ignores him and deftly twirls the sword between his fingers as he walks along the row of gladiators.

“My wife…, he begins, “wishes to learn how to fight.”

You can see that the men are trying to restrain their shock, and you meet each of their gazes, holding your head high and your shoulders poised.

“You will not touch her or even come near her,” he continues. “She will train with me and only me.”

Marcus turns his covetous eyes to you, dragging them over every inch of your skin that glistens under the warm sun.

With a hard swallow he gets into position and instructs the men on what to practice, giving Lucius control of the group so he can work with you.

“That will keep them busy for now,” he says quietly as he moves toward you, circling.

He stops behind you, pressing his chest to your back and slowly sliding his hand down from your shoulder to your wrist. Despite the heat, goosebumps crawl along your skin, and you feel his smile at your neck.

“Focus my beloved,” he murmurs. “You will not win any fights if you are distracted.”

The urge to throw your elbow back and into his side is strong but you refrain and strengthen your wrist.

He places the sword in your hand and maneuvers your fingers into the right position, keeping his hand over yours as he shows you the proper grip.

Every word of command is whispered into your ear and every touch of his hand is both soft and firm. Even with his impressive size and strength, he moves lithely, easily disarming you at every turn.

It frustrates you, motivates you but more than anything, and to your utter exasperation, it arouses you.

“Marcus.” You call his name while in a particularly precarious position and he quickly stands and takes you with him, his gaze concerned as it sweeps over your body.

“Are you hurt?” he asks.

“No,” you say with a dismissive wave of your hand.

He waits for you to elaborate and you step closer. “Perhaps you should work with the men now. I think Lucius bores them.”

His lips tilt upward at your teasing, but he continues to study you carefully.

“Do you need a break then?”

“Perhaps I can work on my stance with Lucius,” you suggest.

His eyes narrow. “We made a deal.”

“I know,” you tell him with a quiet sigh.

Then with resignation you throw back your shoulders and get into position. “I’m ready to continue.”

His body heat at your back sends another wave of tension through your body and when his calloused fingertips ghost along your thigh to fix its position you have to fight back a gasp.

“Relax your muscles,” he says as he presses on your shoulders and lower back.

You let out a slow exhale and try to focus on his direction instead of his touch, but the way his voice is low and deep in your ear drags you right back to your lascivious thoughts.

When he’s satisfied with your positioning he moves in front of you, twirling his sword tauntingly and though his forearms are hidden under the armor adorning his wrists you know the muscles flex and shift enticingly.

He beckons to you, and you advance, remembering the foot work well and making good use of your sword.

But before you can make any real progress he has you on your back and beneath him, the sandy dirt rising and floating around your head as you stare up into his face.

“You are doing well,” he assures you, sensing your frustration. “Remember, it is only your first day.”

Sweat coats his brow and you watch a droplet roll down his temple and along the line of his beard. It settles on his upper lip and the desire to lean up and kiss him is overwhelming. His scent surrounds you, sweat and leather, and his touch burns.

“Marcus,” you breathe out.

“My love,” he answers, pushing up and offering you a hand.

You crash into his chest, your eyes dropping to his mouth and your lips parting. “I need you.”

It takes him only a split second to realize the meaning of your words and his head dips to your ear, his growl full of promise.

“Do you need me to fill you my love?”

You barely get your words of affirmation out when he grabs your hand and pulls you away from the training circle.

“Lucius, you can finish off the training for today. I have to see…to my wife.”

Your quarters are too far away, and you tell him so, letting him lead you to an underground alcove in the basilica nearby.

He kisses you until your back hits the cold stone wall and you can feel every inch of armor and cloth that separates your bodies.

His hands grip your face, thumbs pressing urgently into your skin as he kisses you until you’re lightheaded.

Few rays of sunlight pierce the recesses below and you’re bathed in a soft darkness, hidden, but with the sounds of the world going on right above you.

It reminds you that there are other people on this Earth beyond his kisses, his frantic hands, and the way he can’t seem to get you close enough.

Your armor becomes untied, and you reach under his, tugging at whatever you can find to loosen it. Cloth and linen floats to your feet and his fingers skim the curve of your waist, dipping between your legs.

“Fingers Marcus,” you gasp.

He swears, two fingers sliding deep.

Your hips rock into his hand and you hold onto his broad shoulders, on the edge of something that starts in your stomach and slips up along your spine.

You cry out, too loud and breathing so heavy you might pass out.

“I’m so close Marcus,” you whisper. “I want you inside me.”

His eyes lift from between your legs, and you take him in; messy curls, fallen over his damp forehead and sticking to it, his body shining with a light sheen of sweat and dust clinging to his skin.

You almost come at the sight of him. He feels you tighten around his fingers and pulls them free with another curse.

His knee parts your legs and you feel the head of his cock as it slides through you and you’re so wet that with just the smallest push forward he starts to slip inside.

With a grunt, he tucks his head into your neck, takes deep, steadying breaths.

“I need a moment,” he murmurs and holds your hips still.

He straightens, reaching a hand over your shoulder to brace it on the stone wall.

“You feel too good,” he whispers, pulling out and pushing back in slowly. “Too perfect.”

He builds a rhythm, hips rocking against yours, the sound of his armor thudding into yours as he fucks you.

His hand reaches up, holds your face as his thumb traces your lips, the taste of you lingering on his fingers.

“I want to watch you come,” he says, dark eyes moving across your face.

You wrap your arms around his neck, the muscles strained and tight with his restraint, pulling him harder to you.

“Say it,” he growls.

“I want it harder.”

His lips brush yours and he nibbles the lower one, tugging and then soothing with his tongue.

“And…?” he asks, knowing there’s more you want to say. More that you need.

“I want someone to hear us. I want them to know how good you feel.”

He grunts and grips your waist tightly before he starts slamming hard and slick into you.

Voices echo above, the sounds of feet and horse hooves growing louder.

“More Marcus,” you cry out.

You feel so full and stretched and the tight feeling in your stomach grows warmer and hotter until your head falls back against the stone, and you moan out his name as you come.

He follows right after, his movements becoming jagged and frantic before finally stilling with a muffled groan into your skin.

You lean into him, catching your breath and letting your fingers wander over the dips and curves of muscle in his back.

He lifts his head and immediately searches for your mouth, sealing his lips to yours.

When he pulls back his eyes are ablaze, and a smile pulls at his lips.

“What?” you ask, trembling when his fingertips skim along your collarbone, strong but gentle.

They ghost higher, to the hollow of your throat where your pulse beats wildly still, before closing lightly around your neck.

Your breath hitches.

“Was it the fighting that aroused you so?” he asks, pressing his thumb under your chin while he still holds your neck. “Or…?”

You swallow and lick your lips.

“You know what it was General,” you whisper.

“I want to hear you say it.”

He’s still inside you and he starts to thicken, the throb making your eyelashes flutter along your cheeks.

“You, General. It is you. Always you that fills me with an unquenchable need.”

“Then it is a good thing my hunger for you will never be sated,” he whispers as he begins to slowly rock his hips.

#marcus acacius x reader #pedro pascal #marcus acacius #pedro pascal characters #general marcus acacius #marcus acacius x you #marcus acacius smut #marcus acacius x female reader #marcus acacius fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #marcus acacius x y/n #general acacius #gladiator 2 #marcus acacius imagine

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ramblings-of-a-detrans-woman · 4 months ago

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Why I will never support the radical feminist movement, as a detransitioning woman.

note: this is not meant to be any sort of hit piece or slander, I respect every feminist, even ones I disagree with. This is just my reasoning for why I do not like the radfem movement.

For a bit of context, I’ve indentified as trans since I was 12. At 18, I’ve decided to live my life as a lesbian woman, and i’ve never been happier with that choice.

Now, being a young trans man, I interacted a lot with pro trans content online (of course I did), and so of course I’ve heard about radical feminism. A passionate branch of feminism that takes a unique approach to women’s rights- deconstructing gender entirely. It sounds wonderful in theory, because of course gender is oppressive, most notably of women. I would know, being one. Even when I was trans I had to worry about being out at night. I even got chased once, and a man attempted to lure me to his truck another time. It’s brutal. But radical feminists devote their activism to ending this in a straightforward, logical way.

So why do I, a woman who has experienced both misogyny and transphobia, not support that? I feel that this is a good question for both trans allies and radfems alike to to ask. Knowledge is power.

Well, I’ll be direct. Radfems are some of the most depraved people i’ve ever met. I know, that sounds like a lot, but there’s no other words I can use that don’t perfectly encapsulate my experience with radfems. It’s depravity.

For weeks, I was harassed by transphobic radfems. Radfems, who are insistent on their love and support for TIFs aka trans men. It’s strange then that they would be so cruel towards one, wouldn’t you say?

Detransition is hard enough. It’s difficult to tell family that you were wrong. It’s difficult to reconnect with my gender. Hell, i prefer the term detrans over cis just because i have such a disconnect from my gender. So why do I have to deal with transphobic radfems sending me gore and death threats?

Thankfully all of the accounts doing this seem to be deleted or repurposed. But it’s only a matter of time until a new account is made just to send me an ask telling me to kill myself or a message about how much of a loser i am.

It’s this reason alone why i’ll never be a radfem. They’re just sick people. They don’t want liberation for women, they just hate trans people. It’s not even thinly veiled, their accounts are fully based around how horrible trans women are.

The truth being, trans women aren’t bad people at all. It’s easy to think they are because the news and media cherry picks some of the worst ones, but every community and minority group has bad people in it. some of the sickest people you could imagine, really. yes, they can be trans. but does being trans make you a sick person? does it turn you into a predator? no, it doesn’t. it just means you’re trans. trans or not, it’s up to men to be mature and take accountability for their own actions that they consciously make. a cis man is as capable to walk into a women’s room as a trans woman is.

if radical feminists cared more about women and detrans women, i could consider getting along with them. but sadly, all these passionate and dedicated feminists care about is hating trans people with a fiery passion. and i’ve been a casualty. it’s very difficult for me to sympathize with radfems when they’ve upset me to the point that they have

let me make it clear that gore and death threats don’t upset me, i’m not easily offended. So it’s not the threats that make me angry. It’s just the principle. The fact that radfems are spending their time scrolling reddit for gore pictures to send to fellow women instead of supporting us makes me SICK. it’s heartbreaking to picture a woman, raped and beaten by her boyfriend, and a radfem standing in front of her, readily available to help, but choosing to yell at a passing detrans woman. It’s really sad.

hopefully those reading this can take my words into consideration and use it to improve yourselves or your community (if you’re a radfem). i love womanhood and being a woman and i would love to share that joy with my sisters, but i just can’t when these issues i’ve experienced are in the back of my mind. I want radical feminism to be a safe space, a place where sisters can go to talk to women, relate to women, cry with and support women. but so far, the only love and support i’ve received has been from the trans community. that speaks volumes.

i am going to post more about my experience with finding my womanhood again in the future, so if you’re a detrans woman yourself, trans ally or not, consider following me :) i’d love to build myself a little community

#radical feminist safe #radical feminism #radical feminists do interact #radical feminist community #radical feminists do touch #radical feminists please interact #radical feminists please touch #radical feminst #radfeminism #radfemblr #radblr #terfsafe #terfblr #detrans #ftm detransition #tw detransition

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marlshroom · 6 months ago

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i will never ever stop thinking about the disability allegories in gravity falls. i cant ever stop thinking about disability allegories in other media and gravity falls is no different. im feeling chatty today, so lets see if i can articulate all my feelings on the matter.

the most interesting thing that stuck out to me with thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com was this snippet on fords medical paper:

we hear about this kind of attitude towards disabilities often, maybe you have heard about autism being referred to as the "next evolutionary change in humans." we can especially see this when a person has a disability, but is also very capable in other fields. there are so many cases in the medical or educational field of a child having specific needs, yet they are ignored due to them being "gifted".

in a vacuum, ford's extra finger may not be considered a disability, the sixth finger allows him more movement and dexterity, and ontop of that, he's a genius. its just an extra finger right? its not like it hurts him. but it does hurt him. he is a child living with a limb difference, he is constantly ridiculed by his peers. they call him a freak and physically harass him.

this is where we dip into the social model of disability here. i know sometimes that can cause a little bit of discourse, but i think its interesting to note here! please if you have a limb difference feel free to add your perspective or correct me where you see fit. if you don't know what the social model of disability is, its the perspective that disabled people would not be as limited in their abilities if it wasn't for the oppressive society that they lived in(think people in wheelchairs could do more things if infrastructure had disabled people in mind). ford wouldn't be experiencing abliesm in his life if limb differences were something people were educated about. then we get to bill cipher. in theory, his ability to see the 3rd dimension is almost a super power. but in the book of bill its literally stated that it is illegal for anyone to mention the possibility of "up". he is forced into abusive medical practices where he is being drugged to suppress his ability. no one in his dimension has the same perspective of him, he is completely alone, and even worse, the people who should be protecting him like his parents and doctors are abusing him(not that his parents are evil for this obviously. they don't have a choice and i assume they want what is best for him, what were they supposed to do? yet it still had this horrible impact on bill).

this social model can be applied to bill cipher. he has this ability that in a vacuum would be considered amazing, but he lives in a society(rip) that oppresses this. they have to, because bill trying to let his dimension see the stars killed every last person. which makes me think that whoever was in power here probably knew this would happen. its unsure if bill cipher knew the true extent of his damage would be, but i am of the belief that he didn't know how bad it would really be.

i just find all of this very interesting. i really love when a story tackles a topic such as disability. its so obvious this is what alex hirsch is going for and its such a unique take that i don't see often in media, as a disabled person myself. feel free to lmk your thoughts :)

#gravity falls #stanford pines #bill cipher #gravity falls discussion #gravity falls theory #???#the book of bill #book of bill #thisisnotawebsitedotcom #marlstext

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cozage · 1 year ago

Note

May i ask a headcanon list for Luffy, Sanji and Zoro reaction to their s/o being a cp0 agent?

A/N: I am just now noticing as I finish up this work that you asked for a headcanon LIST. Forgive me for the mix-up!

Characters: female reader x Luffy, Sanji, Zoro Cw: betrayal, angst with no happy ending Total word count: 1.6k

Double Agent

Luffy

“It can’t be,” Luffy muttered from the doorway.

Shit. You had been compromised. Luffy was supposed to be off in the jungle. How had he tracked you to this abandoned building?

“Luffy!” you hissed, stepping in front of the other agent. “What are you doing here?”

“I left that emergency steak with you,” he said, his eyes wide. You had promised him your lunch and forgotten to give it to him. Of course he followed the scent here.

“We have to get rid of him,” the agent behind you said, reaching for his weapon. You didn’t even know his name, but you couldn’t let him kill the captain of the Stawhats.

“Absolutely not!” you reached for your own weapon, glaring at him. “You know our orders.”

“If you’re position is compromised-”

“Then killing the captain isn’t going to help much!”

The other agent raised his brow. “Getting soft? They’re pirates. It’s reckless to let him live.”

You scoffed. “You’re the one being reckless. Leave him be. We can still watch from afar.”

“This is a joke, right?” Luffy’s shaky voice came from the doorway again, full of uncertainty.

You steeled yourself and faced him, putting on a bored face. “It is no joke. I’m afraid I’ve just been sloppy in covering my tracks.”

“You can’t be CP-0.” His face slowly turned to rage. “You would never-”

“Apparently you’ve sparked the interest of some very important people.”

The man behind you clicked his tongue in disapproval. You were saying too much. But you needed Luffy to leave here. He had to leave alive.

Luffy stared into your eyes, and you swore he was staring into your soul. “I refuse to believe this is the real you. I know you. I love you. This isn’t you.”

“You don’t know me at all, Monkey D. Luffy.” You put an extra taunt in his full name. “You have no idea who I am or what I am capable of.” You gave him a wicked grin, letting the worst parts of yourself out into the open for him to see.

“Come back to the Sunny,” he begged, unphased by the wickedness on your face. “We can figure it out together.”

“I have no reason to return there. Besides, you would just make me a prisoner when I set foot on deck.”

Luffy’s brow furrowed. “I would never restrain you-”

“Leave, Luffy.” You tried your hardest to keep the desperation out of your voice. “Leave now, or don’t leave at all.”

“Permission to terminate, then?” The Agent took a step towards Luffy, and it took everything in you to remain where you stood.

You pulled out your weapon and threw all of your hate into the stare you gave Luffy. “Leave.”

“This isn’t over until we talk-”

You fired a warning shot, missing his head by a centimeter. “Leave.”

“I’ll get you back. This isn’t over,” Luffy promised, and then he walked out the door.

Sanji

“This is an interesting place for a picnic, my love!” Sanji’s kind voice rang out amongst the trees. “Where are you hiding?”

The other agent’s eyes widened. “You left a trail?” she hissed.

“Never,” you whispered back. “I-”

“There you are!” Sanji launched himself toward you, wrapping you in a hug. “And who is this fine young woman with you? Did you bring company?”

The agent’s hand moved to her gun, and you gave one quick shake, trying to prevent her from blowing your cover.

“Just a friend,” you said between gritted teeth. “We were just saying goodbye. Could you give us a moment, Sanji?”

“The lady can stay if she’d like!” Sanji quickly said. “I have plenty-”

“I would never sully myself with such company,” the woman snapped. She looked at you. “You’re being called back in.”

“No,” you shook your head. “No, that’s impossible.”

“Come on,” the woman said. “No more use for appearance. We’ll leave him alive for now.”

Sanji, somehow, kept up a smile. He had no idea what was occurring, but you could tell that he was nervous.

“My love?” He asked, looking at you with a forced smile and worry in his eyes.

“I have to go, Sanji.” You shouldered your backpack with everything you had collected.

“No,” he said softly. “You can stay. I don’t know who this woman is but-”

“This woman is your lover’s superior,” the woman said. “And she never loved you. She was just using you for intel.”

“No. Tell them, my love. Tell them what a mistake they have made.”

It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much. He was a pirate. You were a government agent. It was supposed to be easier than this. You were used to betraying people, and yet this created a strange ache in your chest.

“I work for CP-0,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady. “I was tasked to infiltrate your crew and obtain records. Watch you all from the inside.”

“Impossible-” Sanji said

But you had to keep going. You had to break him so he would never come looking for you. “I chose you because it was the easiest. You had access to everything. And when I needed to look for specific things, I added sleeping medicine to the tea you served everyone. It was too easy.

“I don’t believe you.” Sanji had tears in his eyes now. “It wasn’t all fake.”

You sneered at him. “You were so desperate for love, you accepted the bare minimum of affection without a second thought.”

He slumped to his knees, his eyes getting a far-away look in them. Your heart cracked, but your face showed no emotion as you looked down at him. “I’m only letting you live now so you have to live with this failure. But I will come for you one day. And I will kill you.”

He gave a single nod of acknowledgement, as if he had expected this; as if he deserved it.

He didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve him. But if you showed an ounce of weakness, you knew the agent next to you would kill him. So you turned and left, knowing that his empty stare would haunt your dreams forever.

Zoro

“You wanna tell me what the hell is going on?” Zoro shouted. “Who the hell is that guy?”

The agent next to you fired a bullet before you could react, and you cried out in warning. But the bullet only met steel. Zoro had sliced right through it.

“I knew you were getting weak. No wonder they wanted to pull you from this mission,” the agent chuckled. He kept his gun aimed at Zoro, but was watching you carefully.

No. No. How had Zoro found you? He was the last person who should be here right now. He always got lost. How on earth had he found you?

Zoro was still staring at you, waiting for an answer. He didn’t even bother to acknowledge the man or the weapons he had.

“Stand down,” you growled between clenched teeth.

“I do not take orders from you,” the agent snarled back.

Zoro was still watching. Hell, how could you play this to get him out alive? You couldn’t have him getting hurt. You had already said your goodbyes in letters to the crew. You had made up some reason to leave. But Zoro, of all people, had managed to find you.

“I’m leaving the crew!” you shouted to him.

A trace of hurt passed over Zoro’s face. “You’re taking some government recruitment position over us? You can’t be serious.”

“Not recruitment,” the agent next to you purred, and you froze. “Have you ever heard of CP-0, Roronoa Zoro? Of course you have. You were at Enies Lobby, weren’t you?”

You stiffened at his words. You could see Zoro trying to figure out the secret meaning the man was taunting home with.

Just leave, you begged silently. Please leave.

But the agent sent to retrieve you was not finished burning bridges for you. “Your “crewmate” here isn’t a new recruit. No, they’re a seasoned veteran of the organization.”

Zoro stilled. Only his fingers twitched, itching to reach for his blade as he watched you with predator-like senses.

“Zoro,” you whispered. You weren’t sure what to say, but you had to say something to him.

“Go. Get out of my sight.” You could see him shaking. From rage, most likely. From betrayal.

The agent next to you gave a humorous laugh. “Do you think we are going to let you live?”

“We are letting him live,” you said, too quiet for Zoro to hear. “That was the agreement.”

The agent gave you a wicked smile. “He brought this upon himself, following you out here.”

“Let him go,” you snarled softly. “Or you will not leave this island.”

You had been baited. You knew it the moment his eyes lit up. Proof that your allegiance was to the Strawhats over CP-0. Proof that you needed to be reprogrammed in some capacity.

He waved a hand lazily at Zoro. “You may go. We have to go as well. We have some work to do.”

You gave Zoro one last look, trying to convey how sorry you were about everything. He should’ve just stayed on the ship, read the damn letter, and accepted that you had left the crew.

Your eyes met Zoro’s just for a moment, and then you turned away and followed the agent down the path. And as much as you wanted to, you didn’t look back.

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genericpuff · 1 month ago

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Hello! I'm someone with autism (and I'm suspecting ADHD too) who's planning multiple projects. Do you have any advice when it comes to overthinking a lot about decisions on a project? Be it the first step, planning, questioning if you're moving too fast, etc?

ouuuu I think the biggest thing I struggle with personally is just like... the overbearing weight of expectation that isn't necessarily even there. Like, expectation to do everything right all the time, to never make mistakes, to never fall through on promises, to never break any 'rules' (real or imaginary) and most of all, for everything I do to matter in some big, recognizable, memorable way - but the steps to that goal aren't defined, I just know what the goal looks like, with no clear path as to how to get there, and so it often results in me aiming at my own "best guess" and then beating myself up for not hitting the target LOL which is completely unfair to myself and my own work!

What I try to regularly remind myself of is that I am one person, who is only capable of what one person should reasonably be able to accomplish on their own, no matter how much my auDHD tries to convince me otherwise that I "should" be able to handle more than what's reasonable. And in that same sense, there isn't any more pressure on me to put out something perfect than there would be on any other person. I am not Atlas carrying the fate of the greatest work known to mankind on my shoulders - I'm a chronically online dweeb making stuff that's interesting to themselves and sharing it in the hopes that even just one other person will like it too. That isn't a diss on myself, that's me embracing what I am so that I can keep doing it better and more confidently each time.

Though I don't know if this exactly applies to you, I'm gonna say it just in case: I know when it comes to balancing multiple projects, it can be hard not to go "oh well I SHOULD be working on xyz!" but at the end of the day, you're not a failure for preferring to work on something else or needing space from projects that used to thrill you and have now become monotonous. In fact, it turns out that's how it is for most neurotypical people too! I know they make a lot of shit look easy, but even they have shit they loathe doing - they just don't have to deal with the unique hurdles of being neurodivergent.

Always remember to set boundaries with yourself and your work. Remember, just because you're really excited to work on something, doesn't mean you have to work on it all the time. I've learned to appreciate those moments when I'm stuck doing my day job and I'm excited to get home and work on my passion project, because it means I can actually look forward to it and it'll feel all the more rewarding when I finally get to do it! Pushing yourself too hard to fulfill that excitement all at once right off the bat often just means you're gonna spend it all way too quick, and that won't feel good because then you'll be left wondering where all the love went.

Set little goals for yourself. Stuff that's manageable and achievable within a reasonable amount of time. I know we tend to dive into thinking huge right off the bat, because that's what's exciting to us, but when it comes time to actually do the work, those smaller goals can keep us moving forward far better than the big, far off, ambiguous goal hiding somewhere off in the horizon. While it's good to plan ahead, not setting smaller milestones for yourself can burn you out faster because it's really hard to work towards an "end goal" that might be too far away for us to even conceptualize. The small goals allow us to reward ourselves along the way, and they do ultimately still build up to the bigger picture in the end, even if it feels like we're "not doing much". It can be anything like "get to this chapter that I can finish in the next few weeks" or "fully write out this scene that's been living in my head rent-free".

As for the overthinking... yeah, I wish I had some magic solution to that, but it's really just about learning what you enjoy doing vs. what you don't, so that you can have confidence in knowing when your creative decisions suit the project you're working on. This is something that gets better with practice and experience, but I feel like it's better tackled by reminding yourself that any project, no matter the outcome of how popular it gets or whether or not it "takes off", is an opportunity to learn and grow. Treat every project as a learning experience and you'll hopefully find the process itself more enjoyable, which will subsequently buff up your confidence. It's all a process of honing in on what works for you, what you excel at, and what you enjoy doing; while learning what doesn't work for you, what you could improve at, and what you don't enjoy doing.

Finding a writing buddy or someone who's willing to read your work and give you feedback is super helpful for this, too, because sometimes it takes another perspective to help us navigate the fog of indecision and find a solution.

And again, remember - you are one person, and you are under no obligation for any of your projects to be some perfect, infallible holy grail. You will write stuff that you will inevitably look back on with disgust and cringe. You will create projects that you will eventually outgrow or move on from. That does not invalidate the time and effort you put into those projects - it's proof of experience and growth. Embrace the growing pains, find peace in the process in whatever way you can.

It's not a question of right or wrong - it's asking yourself what feels true to you and your voice, and finding out along the way.

#writing advice #ask me anything #anon ask me anything #anon ama #ama #and that is my bag of cents!#idk how helpful this is but i hope a little bit of it resonates with you!#it's definitely hard esp when it comes to the imposter syndrome and self-doubt #but the biggest thing is just being patient and kind with yourself #you're allowed to write stuff that isn't perfect! most stuff isn't perfect! even the stuff that we really enjoy!#and you're allowed to take your time and create things at your own pace #there's no divine punishment waiting to strike you down if you don't accomplish everything right this second #just take it one day at a time and find your joy in the process of creating your art <3

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2chopsticks2eyes · 2 years ago

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Don't Play Dumb

2chopsticks2eyes - Masterlist

Pairing: Lee Minho/Lee Know x Han Jisung/Han x Fem Reader

Themes: Shameless smut

Word Count: ~3.3k | AO3

Warnings: Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Alcohol, Cussing, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Vaginal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Vaginal Sex

Summary: Minho and Jisung were living their best lives to their gayest potential. Well, at least that's what they thought before you moved in next door...

Author’s Note: This story was inspired by a request from my girl @lyramundana. I had to physically restrain myself from making this, like, 20 pages more than it is just because I told myself this was only going to be a short one-shot to put out there while I write my main stories. 😅

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Jisung always knew he was gay, he was vibing too much babygirl energy to be otherwise. Minho always knew he wasn't attracted to really anyone, however, he always had a thing for a nice set of pecs and a nice, perky ass. That is until he met Jisung and realized his 100% attraction towards the man. And the biggest plus was Jisung had a really nice ass AND pecs. Like. DAMN.

But I digress. Neither believed in love at first sight until they first locked eyes on each other.

That was YEARS ago, and they were still as in love (if not more) as they were before.

But then one hot summer day, you moved into the flat straight across from theirs.

The two were just coming home from a romantic brunch and were already a couple of horny dogs before noon even hit. However, when they saw you struggling to move in by yourself, all it took was one look at each other and they immediately rushed over to help you despite your ramblings that you could do it yourself and weren't some damsel in distress.

They respected that, but still insisted on helping if not to speed up the process so you wouldn't turn into ashes in the summer heat and, if you were being honest with yourself, it sounded particularly preferable. So after brief introductions, the three of you set to work.

So, after these two Greek gods of men finished helping you move everything up, all of you were drenched in sweat from head to toe.

"I'd offer you something to drink, but I think I only have tap water..." You explained meekly, trying not to focus too hard on each drop of sweat that ran down their tanned skin.

They were in a similar situation.

They had watched you lift those heavy boxes like they weighed nothing and they soon found out that you were more than capable to do this yourself. But with the sun blazing and heavy lifting up two flights of stairs, they couldn't help but notice your... attributes.

You had worn just a thin tank top and some breezy shorts due to the weather, and the more sweaty you got, the more they clung to you, and the more the boys couldn't help but have their eyes wander.

They giggled and reject your offer. "Do you want to come and have a drink at our place instead?" Jisung offered sweetly.

"No no no! It's totally fine! I have to start unpacking anyway and, besides, you two have helped me out plenty today..." They couldn't help but notice the blush blooming on your cheeks as you looked down with a small smile, biting your lip to contain your shyness.

Minho wanted to coo at you for being so damned cute, but he was afraid that it would make you uncomfortable, so he refrained.

Once Minho and Jisung returned to their own flat, Jisung turned to Minho. "Okay hyung, I know this is going to sound super weird, but was she not absolutely drop-dead gorgeous or what?!"

"Holy shit, I know right?! Am glad I'm not the only one who noticed!"

"Like, shit, I'd fuck her stupid if I wasn't the gayest bottom bitch there is out there!" They laughed heartily and Minho playfully swat his arm with a loud cackle.

This was why they loved each other so much, they could be completely open and honest with each other and they knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that they’d still live and die for each other.

"Speaking of bottom bitch, I believe we had some plans once we returned home if I'm not mistaken?" Minho gave Jisung a wry smile as he moved closer to place a sweet kiss on the edge of the younger man’s jaw, instantly reminding Jisung how stupidly horny he was.

Instead of answering, Jisung just decided to strip naked and get on all fours for the man right in the middle of their fucking living room carpet.

Weeks went by and, what started as simple greetings as you occasionally passed them coming and going, turned into the three of you spending time at each other's places every week for the designated 'movies and margaritas' nights.

"Okayokayokay, Ji! Truth or dare?" You questioned the round-faced man. After your third round of drinks, you all had foregone your attention to the movie on the screen in favor of playing the classic game for drunks.

"Truth..."

"Don't be such a pussy, Sungie!" Minho complained loudly.

Jisung shoved his face in front of the elder’s line of sight in retaliation. "Get over it! My answer remains the same!"

You giggled wildly even though the situation was not nearly as funny as you thought it was, but they had endeared expressions on their faces as they looked at you cackling like an idiot.

"Okay *ahem* Ji. Have you ever topped Minho?" You knew the question was pretty bold, but you had quickly become extremely familiar with these men. Besides, neither reacted poorly to the personal question.

"Sweetheart, hyung and I have been together for AGES. Do you seriously think we haven't already tried everything in the slutty book?"

"They have one of those?" You asked while giggling into your drink.

"Yeah, we wrote it," Minho smirked and winked at you while you cackled.

"Well, at least now I know that Ji knows how to fuck." You taunted said man with a wicked smile.

"Oh, I can do a lot more than fucking, sweetheart," Jisung said in a sultry tone with a wink thrown at you. This was a common occurrence between you three, they would flirt with you while your heart was being suffocated knowing they were gay.

You visibly shivered with a blush and Minho narrowed his eyes, taking a mental note of it. "Okay, little miss dirty mind, your turn. Truth or dare." You could already see Minho brewing up a storm in his head, but you were never one to back down from a challenge.

"Dare. Hit me with your best shot, pussy cat." You said with a challenging grin on your face.

"Oh no. You shouldn't have said that. Minho's the devil incarnate. He'll seriously fuck you up."

Minho answered his boyfriend with an amused hum. "Hmm, let's see..." He made a show about thinking about what he wanted to say as if he didn't already know. "I dare you..." Both you and Jisung waited with bated breath for the hell that was about to be unleashed. "...to french kiss both me and Sungie."

"WHAT?!" Both you and Jisung exclaimed in tandem.

"You heard me, bitches. You have to kiss these gay boy lips like you mean it, now pay up!"

Jisung breathed out a disbelieving laugh as his slack jaw hinted at a shocked smile. He turned to you to gauge your reaction, only to see that you had completely frozen in place. Their smiles instantly dropped. "Aw shit, I'm sorry, love. I was just teasing. If that makes you uncomfortable I can--"

"No!!" You shouted, covering your mouth immediately afterward. "N-no! A dare's a dare! I'm no pussy..." At least that's what you told yourself.

Internally, your heart was racing at a thousand miles a minute as you scooched closer to Jisung. You took a deep breath and cupped his cheeks, watching his beautiful eyes go wide and his moist, plush lips part. Before you could doubt yourself any further, you dove in and planted your lips on his.

You had instantly melted as Jisung tentatively placed his hands on your waist and you furthered the instructed 'french kiss' by tangling tongues with him.

After a moment, without waiting to check their reactions, you pulled away and lunged at Minho to do the same, drinking in the taste of the alcohol on his lips. When you felt his strong hands smooth over your shirt and around to your back you slightly whimpered.

You flew back while covering your mouth and saw their wide eyes and dumbfounded looks on their faces. "Oh-oh, my god!" You scrambled to stand up. "Shit guys, I'm so sorry. I..." You couldn't stay with the humiliation any longer and, without another word, you fled from the apartment.

Jisung and Minho looked at each other with equally shocked expressions. "Are you as turned on right now as I am?" Jisung said breathily. And Minho just dumbly nodded. "Do you think she would... or would you be down for...?" There was an unspoken question there, but his soulmate already knew.

"Fuck yes." Minho threw himself on his boyfriend like a hungry wolf and proceeded to fuck him over the back of the couch until he came with a cry on his lips.

Okay... they were definitely, infinitesimally homosexual but... they never met someone like you…

Maybe they had some talking to do.

When they knocked on your door unannounced the following evening, you were shocked to say the least. "Minho? Jisung? What are you--?"

“Can we come in?” Jisung cut to the chase rather quickly and you could see the determination in his eyes. You nodded shyly, still not able to get over the fact that you made an ass of yourself the night prior.

As soon as they came in, they bracketed you and you looked up at them like a frightened animal. “G-guys… I-I’m sorry about yesterday… I didn’t mean to and we had a lot to drink and–”

“Do you like us?” Minho cut in this time and you sealed your lips. You felt a shiver run down your spine and, even though you were sure he meant it in a different way, you answered respectfully.

“O-of course I like you guys! We’re friends!” You sounded shocked that they even had to ask.

“No…” Jisung brazenly stepped closer and swept your hair over your shoulder to speak low into your ear. “Do you like like us?”

Minho moved closer on your other side as well, however, he bent down to eye level with you “Don’t play dumb baby girl. Do you have dirty little thoughts about me and Jisungie? Hm?” He tilted his head and you looked like a deer caught in the headlights as they both stared you down. “Do you imagine what it would be like having two men fuck you stupid? Is that why you asked Sungie that question?”

You didn’t know whether to tell the truth or lie out your ass but, eventually, you could only reply with a shy nod directed at your own bare feet, not trusting your mouth to be able to form words.

With your shameful face still directed towards the ground, you peeked up at their expressions. Your eyes widened when you saw identical Cheshire grins on each of their faces. “Well then, I think we should assist her with that. Don’t you think, hyung?”

“I agree wholeheartedly Sungie.”

You whipped your head up and stepped back a hair. “Woah woah woah! No need to stoop to that level, guys! I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually!”

“Well, you see sweetheart, we've been thinking an awful lot about this. Hyung and I are in it for life, but with you…” Jisung said as he stepped an inch closer to you. “You’ve got us questioning what it would be like with a woman.” He gently trailed a finger down your arm, inducing goosebumps that they could blatantly see.

“We want to know what it’s like to make you fall apart. We want to see how to make you scream. Make you beg.” Minho trailed his gaze languidly over your body with each word and you felt like you were being crushed with all the tension in the air.

You involuntarily gasped when you felt Jisung’s soft lips press against your cheek. Soon enough, he was whispering in your ear. “That blush on your cheeks is really pretty, should I deepen it?” You felt the wet heat of his tongue press up against the tender skin under your ear and you quietly whimpered.

“It sounds like you are more than willing to experiment with us, honey. Tell us, baby. Do you want to play with us?” Minho wrapped an arm around your waist and began kissing your neck to drive his intentions forward. Also to inform you that “playing” didn’t mean you’re going to play fucking Jenga or some shit.

Instead of using words, you let your hands do the talking. You tentatively grasped their wrists and slowly led them further into the apartment. You made your answer clear enough when you brought them to your bedroom and turned around to silently face them at the foot of your bed.

Your eyes were glued to the floor and Minho cooed at you. When you looked up, the two gorgeous men were looming over you with hungry eyes. Unable to look directly into their intimidating eyes, you stared at your feet while saying, “I usually use the traffic light system…” You peeked up at them to make sure they understood. “I-is that alright for you guys?”

“Fuck yes…” Jisung said with an airy tone and stepped closer to grab the hem of your shirt. “Can I take this off, sweetheart?” Instead of answering, you removed said item and chucked it across the room, face getting hotter by the second.

“You guys can do whatever you want… I trust you…” You bit your lip but made sure to look them in the eyes as you said this. You wanted to make sure they knew you wanted this.

“You might be regretting saying that later, baby girl.” Minho groaned in a wicked tone.

Before you could prepare yourself, Minho had moved around behind you to hold your arms in place while Jisung stepped in front of you, slowly gliding his fingers over your exposed skin. “Shit, she’s gorgeous. Isn’t she hyung?”

Minho hummed low in his throat and then you suddenly felt his warm tongue glide up the side of your neck. “Tasty too.”

You didn’t know why, but the fact that they were talking about you like you weren’t even there turned you on even more. “Hmmm, where should I start?” Jisung rhetorically asked as he examined your body. Your breathing picked up when you felt his soft hands move up to slide one of your bra straps down. “Here?” You whimpered as his fingers glided over your nipple through the thin fabric.

You heard a chuckle come from beside your head where Minho had begun lazily kissing your neck and shoulder. “I think you have your answer, jagi. Go on, show us what a bottom bitch can do.”

Jisung bit his lip and gasped at his boyfriend’s provocative words, but when he looked back at you, he looked absolutely sinful. “Of course, hyung…”

Jisung was an enigma. He was both equal parts submissive and domineering while Minho was a born and bred master. Created to have both you and Jisung on your knees for him with little to no effort.

They ravaged you properly. They kiss, licked, and sucked on almost every inch of your body except where you were aching the most for them. However, kissing them was almost just as good because those boys had an amazing set of lips on them.

When you all eventually stripped with an insane amount of teasing from them, Minho sat up against the headboard while you faced him on all fours, Jisung just behind you looking at your dripping cunt in awe.

Minho leaned forward to kiss you once more before leaning back and holding his oozing cock in place. “Suck.” He commanded, and you complied eagerly. As you took him in, you heard a low groan in his chest. “Sungie. Show me what you can do to her, yeah? Make her scream on my cock.” Minho said with labored breaths.

You weren’t able to see him, but you felt chills wrack your body when you felt the man behind you blow his hot air on your folds. You whimpered but continued on your mission to suck the life out of the man in front of you. You felt gentle fingers glide through your hair and felt Minho slowly begin to guide your head to bob on his dick.

You had to stifle a moan when you felt Jisung drag his tongue over the entire length of your pussy and then heard the smacking of his lips. “Wow, that’s a lot better than I imagined.” You squeaked when you felt a finger plunge inside you, pumping a few times before pulling it out and holding it up to Minho’s lips. “Hyung, taste her.”

You looked up at him from an awkward angle, not allowing your mouth to release him for a single moment. You whined when you watched his tongue slide over the digit before sucking it into his mouth. “Hmmm such a pretty and tasty girl, aren’t you?”

You felt his hips slightly buck up but you refrained from gagging, instead, doubling your efforts. It was right as he let his head fall back against the headboard that you felt more fingers enter you, thrusting and moving in you at an unforgiving pace until you came violently and unexpectedly.

When you pulled off of Minho’s cock to cry out your ecstasy, they watched you wide-eyed and hungry before you desperately fumbled for the bedside drawer to pull out a couple of condoms. “P-please fuck me… I need you inside me, Ji.”

Both of the men muttered expletives before you wrapped your mouth around Minho again and Jisung hastily opened the condom wrapper. You saw stars when you finally felt him enter you. “F-fuck, hyung…” Jisung whined as he bent over you to kiss him. “She’s so tight…”

“Fuck her real good, jagi. Open her wide for me.”

And without further ado, Jisung did just that. He grasped your hips and roughly slammed his cock inside you until he was whimpering with every breath. When he had fucked you long and proper, you came once again and Jisung was at his breaking point. “F-fuck… can I cum on you, sweet thing?” Jisung asked while smoothing his hand over your dewy back.

You released Minho’s dick, although he was also close, and you replied. “Fuck you guys can cum anywhere you like if you can fuck me this well.”

With an airy chuckle, Minho flipped you over onto your back and hovered over you. He and Jisung had traded spots so now Minho had on a condom, poised at your soaked entrance, while Jisung stood next to the bed with his now bare cock aimed at your face.

They didn’t pause for a single moment, Minho ramming you full force, devouring your neck as you quickly pumped Jisung’s cock in time with his boyfriend's thrusts next to you. It almost felt like fate when all three of you came in tandem and you held your mouth open to catch every drop of seed that Jisung had to offer you.

Then, as if all the life was drained from the room, you all collapsed.

You all laid there in the mess for a moment to catch your breaths before they made a move. They were proper gentlemen, cleaning you and handling you with care as they tucked you in bed. “Guys?” They smiled at you with their full attention.

“What is it, beautiful?” Jisung as he laced his fingers with yours.

“I know we need to talk and all, but can you guys just stay tonight and talk later?” You looked at them with pleading eyes and they smiled in adoration before plunging under the covers on each side of you.

Yeah, Jisung and Minho knew they were gay, but after that day, they could confidently say they weren’t opposed to the opportunity when it was you they were considering…

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If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading! This is why it takes me so long to write my stories! I always want to make it into a fucking full-length book! Let me know how you liked it!

Please like, follow, and share! Thanks baby stays! 😘

2chopsticks2eyes - Masterlist

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furiousgoldfish · 2 months ago

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Does anyone else feel like their perception of love is wrapped and unrealistic?

For instance, I don't believe that I can feel true love towards anyone, because I won't ever truly feel relaxed or safe next to anyone; I won't fully trust them, I will struggle all I possibly can against getting attached to them, I won't count on them or expect anything out of them, I won't make plans, I won't imagine a future, I will insist on staying an independent entity. So I don't believe I can achieve true closeness or love, I think I'm fundamentally lacking in trust and relying on others, and I also won't believe another person if they say they love me, I won't trust that they can perceive me correctly, I will always project some kind of negative image of myself onto them and then believe this is what they truly think of me.

But on the other hand, I will also do anything in my power to not cause any harm to this person; I will not make false promises, I will not betray them, I am unlikely to say or do anything that even risks bringing harm onto them. I will look into and do research about anything they're struggling with and try my best to help, I will talk them trough anything they need to talk trough. I won't judge them unless they've done something evil, I won't allow my prejudice to form my opinions of them, I will look at their life trough their eyes before I look trough my own. I will hear them out about anything that has ever happened to them and care for them trough it. I won't be able to stay still if they need help, I won't reject or ignore their bids for attention and communication, I won't rest until I know they're okay, and I'll make it my business to make another person happy.

I feel like for some people love is a level of care and stability that doesn't even need to be that high, just as long as it's there, and I do that naturally, I care for every person in my surroundings to a high level, but I don't consider it real because I have no trust, I have no expectations, and I never imagine anyone to stick around.

So what I'm saying is, why is trust being propped as the most important part? Just because I don't trust someone doesn't mean I don't care for them, do people only care for others if they trust others will be there forever to potentially return that favour of care? Is this where I'm fundamentally different from normal people, that I can't function in that way? Do people love only if there's a sense of a shared future which they can keep as an idealized goal in their mind, and then the love and attention they give is supposed to bring them there? Is that actually a more natural progression of love, believing in the other no matter what so that the urge to keep giving love to them keeps being strong, because it has a purpose, a goal and a future to build? Is that just how normal people live, is it natural to expect to build a life that you want based on foundation of love? Is it messed up of me to care while expecting to be left and betrayed at any moment? Is it self hatred that I do that? Or is it self-protective, based on learned experience?

What are other people's definitions of what love is? Is it instinctual or on purpose? Does it need all human instincts and natures to function seamlessly, or once trust and expectations are written out, it can no longer be achieved? Does it require that endless trust and blind faith in the forever future? Does it tolerate a certain level of betrayal and lack of attention or interest? Do these things not even matter if the other person believes this is just a part of love? How would you describe what love is? Do you feel capable of it?

#definitions of love #aftermath of abuse #incomplete love #cptsd #effects of child abuse #effects of abusive parents #not wanting to get attached to people #feeling like you can't love

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witchygagirlwrites · 2 months ago

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Broken Bonds-Part 12

Former(ish) Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader, BabyDaddy! Jay Halstead x Reader

When you get hurt by Jay innocently saying something he begins to worry about you holding too much in with it being weeks until your delivery. With no other idea he reaches out to Mouse hoping a call would help you

Warnings: the usual (We meet Miss Adeline Halstead in the next part)

You were half asleep when Jay’s light laughter hit your ears. You cracked your eyes open and glared at him “What are you laughing at Halstead?” He was already dressed which considering he had to go home to get clothes for the day that wasn’t really a surprise. You’d been meaning to talk to him about the whole staying the night together after Addy was born, thing. Once she was here and the two of you were adjusted to being parents he wouldn’t feel the need to be at your side.

You didn’t want to think about your baby not being under the same roof as you every night but from what you’d been told by a few women you knew with kids it may be a welcome breath to stave off guilt of needing alone time if she was staying with her father a few nights a week. Besides, you’d trusted Jay with your life for years. You knew he loved Addy with everything he had and was still yet to meet her. Nothing would happen to her without it happening to him first. You had no doubt in his capabilities to protect your daughter.

He motioned to your stomach with a broad grin “Any time I say anything her entire foot presses against your stomach. I was on the phone with Will and looked over” you glanced down and could trace the outprint of Addy’s entire foot even through the camisole you’d worn to bed “Yeah yeah yeah. Keep rubbing it in that you’re gonna be a daddy’s girl kid. I’m doing all the grunt work to get you here. He had the easy part” He raised an eyebrow and you knew exactly what he was thinking so you snatched a pillow and tossed it at him “You need to go out to Mollys and get laid ya pervert”

He shook his head “My luck? I’d be with some chic and your water would break” you started to push yourself up and he was at your side, supporting your arms without a word being passed. You glared at him once you had your feet on the floor “You do remember my sister is a firefighter trained to work the ambulance as well, plus my firefighter brother in law. Oh yeah and your doctor brother! All three of which would come running plus I could put a call out for a rig to my address and have half of the precinct here to render aid in a breath”

He still had his hands on your arms up until you were fully standing and started towards the dresser to find clothes, only then did he let them drop. “I know but it’s been this long. Why not wait a little longer, if I wanna go out after she’s born then I can” You shook your head “Men give me a headache” you found clothes that would be presentable for work then headed to the bathroom adding “And a backache, feet ache, kidneys hurt, hips hurt”

You heard Jay’s laughter before you closed the door along with a muttered “Sorry?” and laughed lightly. The countdown was on for little miss Adeline to make her debut. You just had to maintain your sanity in the meantime.

By the time you got out of the bathroom Jay was waiting in the living room with your jacket,phone and bag next to him where he was propped up on the arm of the couch. “I can drive myself Jay” you reminded him and he shrugged “But can you? Because the last time I checked you were having a hard time fitting behind the wheel and that was like a week ago and I’m fairly certain she’s gotten bigger since then”

“JAY HALSTEAD!” you gasped and his eyes widened “What?” “As if I wasn’t feeling horrible enough, what with my hips aching, my back hurting, feet swollen..now the father of my child just told me I am too damn big to fit in my fucking jeep?” you weren’t sure why it was bothering you so much, you knew deep down he hadn’t meant it like that but it was like all of your emotions were just on the edge of your skin waiting to boil over.

He practically jumped up off the couch, hands wide in front of him like when he was trying to talk someone down in the field “I did not say anything like that sweetheart. I said our daughter had gotten bigger, that was all. For her safety and for yours I think it’s best for me to drive you, that is all. I can get Stel to come drive you or-or Kev but I didn't mean to hurt your feelings here” that made you feel horrible, him apologizing. You nodded weakly “I know Jay, fuck I know..I’m sorry..just please forget it”

He stared at you for a minute then took a step closer “Are you ok Y/N? Dr Asher did say the closer the due date got the worse the hormones would get and we’re like three to five weeks here” You shook your head “Jay, please I’m fine. I don’t need you worrying about me any worse than you already do” if anything you would be grateful when her due date finally got here for the simple fact all of his worry could shift to her.

He shook his head before finally covering the rest of the distance to slip his arms around you, pulling you gently against his chest. “Hey, you’re dealing with a lot of crap pumping through your system. It’s ok for it to make you a little nutty, I caused it so I can handle it” you laughed lightly “You’re a damn good man Jay” he pulled back far enough to shoot you a grin “Glad you think so at least. Makes me look good to my baby girl if her mama at least likes me”

You shoved his chest with a full laugh that time “Oh you asshole. Don’t act like I haven’t laid my life on the line for yours half a dozen times” He grinned and let a hand come to rest on your stomach “And I’ve done the same for you and look what keeping each other alive got us” “Well that and some bourbon but she doesn’t need to know that part” you added with a smirk which caused his grin to deeper “Not till she’s at least twenty”

You pulled away from him and reached for your jacket “Ok, one pregnancy meltdown later. You still need to run by your place for fresh clothes so lets get a move on” “Yes ma’am”

After that morning Jay made sure to keep Adam away from you, enlisting Hailey’s help considering she’d taken it upon herself to some days even back him down if you asked it of her. While Adam would never purposely say anything to hurt your feelings he had a habit of speaking before thinking and he really didn’t want to walk around the corner to you launching a coffee mug at his head.

Kevin was keeping close to you like always, even though he’d pretty much gotten the hang of everything you knew. Platt had cut your hours down to half days to prepare you for maternity leave because she knew if you went from sixty to zero it would drive you insane. Stella was off so she was picking you up to spend the rest of the day together as soon as your hours hit. Jay was glad of that. He was worried that everything going on inside of your head was going to pile up a little too much.

He’d read up on postpartum depression at Dr Asher and Dr Charles’ suggestions. After everything you’d dealt with on the job that was a worry because you were used to a constant and for at least a little while after having her you’d be forced to let your body heal and take it slow building yourself back up when it came to everything from boxing to getting back to work. He refused to miss any signs and leave you struggling alone.

He was going over a few reports he had to finish up, left hand fiddling with the st michael pendant around his neck as he worked.He hadn’t talked to Mouse again but he had hoped he’d call. You were close enough now that if you wanted to talk to him it shouldn’t stress your body and he knew you did. Every time he mentioned him he could see it in your eyes, not to mention that you had photos of you and Mouse in your place now even though he’d never even stepped foot in it.

You had photos of the rest of your family of course, Stella and Kelly’s wedding, some of community days where you volunteered with Kevin, there were even a few of himself, Adam, Kim and Hailey. You even still had a photo of Erin, Al and Nadia. You loved fiercely, whether platonically or romantically. If you loved someone you loved them.

He let out a huff of air and Hailey cut her eyes up “What’s wrong Jay?” he shook his head “I hate doing reports” she laughed lightly “No one likes doing reports, that’s why they always pile up. You seem like something else is on your mind besides work” he shrugged, scrubbing a hand across his face “I’m worried about her Hailey” she raised an eyebrow and he knew he was skating on thin ice.

“I’m not going to go annoy her so settle down ya little guard dog” she grinned victoriously at him before saying “What are you worried about?” he shrugged “Closer the due date gets it’s like the more on edge she gets. I asked Dr Asher and she says it’s normal nerves but I just don’t want her to try to handle too much herself and it end up being too much”

“I trust her to let someone know if anything gets to be too much, if not for herself she would for Adeline. Jay, she loves your little girl and if she thinks it’s something that would affect her she’d let you help shoulder it. Maybe it’s just something she needs to deal with herself and if and when she needs to tag in help she will” he nodded slowly because he knew Hailey was right. If you had the slightest inclination anything could possibly affect Addy you’d tell him.

“Maybe I’m just more on edge the closer it gets?” he mused and she laughed lightly “Maybe?” he cut his eyes up at her and she grinned before pointing to her own computer “So many reports to do, better get back to work”

Jay shook his head at her but decided to attempt at emailing Mouse: If you get a chance and still want to talk to Y/N it should be close enough now that it shouldn’t stress her body any. She wants to talk to you man, she hasn’t said it but I can see it.

Hope you’re safe, Jay

After that he went back to work. Stella would be there within the hour to pick you up so he knew he wouldn’t have to worry about you the rest of the day.

You were in the tech room with Kevin, watching as he went through the programs you’d taught him. “They grow up so fast” you teased and he looked over his shoulder at you with a grin “Yeah yeah yeah”

Addy was kicking so hard your stomach looked like it had waves going on. She was quickly running out of room so it seemed. You heard someone whistling and grinned before Stella’s head popped into the room “Pregnant sister taxi service?” You laughed holding your hand up slightly “Yes ma’am that would be me that called”

She walked over to you and offered a hand up, which you took before grabbing your things. Kevin watched you carefully before cutting his eyes at your stomach. You nodded so he tapped his first two fingers against it “Be good Ads. Stay cookin for a little longer and we’ll see you soon”

You laughed lightly “Love ya Kev. See you later” “See ya later Kidd. Love ya” Stella winked at him “Guard duty is over Atwater, I’ll sign her back over to you tomorrow”

You followed Stella outside and she stopped just shy of her jeep “Should we tell Jay?” you shook your head “I’ll just text him. I am not walking back in there just for him to feel the need to walk us back out” “Good point” she laughed.

After you were in her jeep and buckled up you shot Jay a text that read Rollin out with Stel before she got out of the parking lot he’d text back Copy that. Call if I’m needed you shook your head at the text and Stella cut her eyes at you “Something wrong?” “No, I’ll just be glad when she’s born so Jay won’t feel the need to worry about me” you explained and she scoffed “Oh honey, you think he’ll worry less about you?”

“Yeah? I won’t be carrying the precious cargo anymore” you reasoned and she shook her head “You’ve been his partner for years, you’re one of his best friends, the mother of his child, kinda his other half..” at your look she added “I don’t mean that weird I mean that you two have been like this ride or die thing. Always stressing me and Voight from your self sacrificing hero complexes. He’s still gonna worry because then he has to face the most important person to him and explain why he didn’t protect one of the most important people to her”

“Oh” you breathed and she nodded “Yeah, oh. Think of it honey. How would you feel if something happened to him?” you cut your eyes at her and she waved a hand around the jeep “My point! Now, have you talked to Mouse? Do I still like him? I wanna still like him but if you don’t want me to I won’t” you laughed at her facial expressions alone before saying “No, Jay talked to him about a week or so ago now”

She cut her eyes from the road to look at you before turning them back to the road “And?” you blinked a few times to prevent any tears from threatening to spill “I overheard him telling Jay that he wished he could move on from me and find someone new, that he’d tried” her eyes widened “Are you ok?” you nodded, wiping at tears that had managed to spill “He couldn’t. He told Jay that no matter where he was or who he was talking to he couldn’t stop thinking of me, that he still loves me”

She reached over and squeezed your hand “He told me three years ago he’d love you until his last breath, guess he really did mean it” you nodded, more tears spilling “I don’t deserve it Stel. I don’t deserve Jay either. The man won’t date. I know for a fact he hasn’t had sex since Addy was conceived because I bluntly asked him one night. How the fuck am I worth one man putting his life on hold to take care of me while I’m pregnant even if our interactions are pretty much platonic and another man being in the middle of a war zone and finding out I got pregnant by his best friend and telling me he loves me before the end of the zoom call?”

She pulled over and parked the jeep before turning to face you, pulling you into her arm as much as she could without your stomach brushing against the console “Why is this settling on you now?” you ran a hand over your stomach “I don’t know what type of mom I can be when I’m doubting what type of woman I am”

Her face hardened slightly as she took both of your hands in one of hers, the other cupping your chin to make you look at her “You are a woman who has seen horrible things and still chooses to fight for what she knows is right. You are a woman who has stepped in front of a loaded gun to protect an innocent person more than once. You are a woman who would go to literal war for a stranger and walk through hell itself for someone you love because when you love you love wholeheartedly and so damn fiercely. Now as for Jay Halstead and Greg Gerwitz? Jay sees that while the circumstance was less than ideal that he got his friend pregnant and he acknowledged that the best way to handle this for his and your own mental health was together. I for one am glad he has stepped up like he has. I know that no matter where life takes you and him, he will always be in your corner and willing to protect you and my niece. As for Greg? That man worshiped the ground you walked on from the moment he laid eyes on you, I truly believe that. I met him, what a couple days after he came to work with the unit? He was already looking at you like you hung the damn moon itself. He didn’t try to date you, he set out to be your friend and that was what made me like him. I saw him at Mollys a time or two while you were talking to a different guy and the poor guy would break my heart looking at him but the moment your attention would land on him you’d never be able to tell anything was wrong. When you gave him a chance he looked like someone offered him everything, he drug himself back from addiction and PTSD but you baby girl, you breathed life back into him. I guess my damn point is you, my amazing little sister are a fucking wonder woman and will be an amazing mother”

If you weren’t crying before you were nearly sobbing by the time she was through. “Thank you Stel” you whispered as she pulled you over for a hug “Anytime you need a pep talk. You know where to find me” she touched your ring on your right hand then her own “I’m always gonna be right there for you”

“Can we have lunch now?” you asked and she laughed “Of course” before running a hand over your stomach where the outline of Addy’s foot was showing “Let me find my girls some food”

“Look at it! It’s so cute!” Stella was currently gushing over a stack of onesies her and Kelly had brought for Adeline. They were all varying degrees of firefighter. Some had dalmatians and fire trucks. Some had that her aunt was her favorite firefighter, some her uncle. You picked up one that said “Little Hero” with a fire truck and firefighter uniform and raised your eyebrows “Both of her parents are detectives” she snatched the onesie back and continued folding the stack before teasing “Someone has to give her some taste, might as well be me”

You shook your head but laughed. The fact that between the unit, Stella and Kelly, and Will they were fully having a competition to see which branch was better represented for Addy. You found it unbelievably adorable. The two of you had gone to lunch, checked out a few stores and Kelly dropped off dinner on his way home from work.

You poked at the food in front of you as she asked “Is Jay staying with you tonight or at home?” you shrugged “I don’t know. He needed to do laundry, which really was just folding and putting clothes away but still” “Do you want him to?” she asked and you cut your eyes at her “What do you mean?” she shrugged “Have you gotten used to him being here?” “A little” you answered honestly and she nodded “What are you gonna do after Addy is born? And after Addy is six months old?”

You shrugged “I don’t know. After she’s born we can have a schedule of where she’s staying so neither of us has to go long without being under the same roof as her” “And when she’s six months?” Stella asked and you opened your mouth to answer about the time your phone rang.

She leaned up and grabbed it off the table to hand it to you. You expected Jay, maybe Kevin but you honestly didn’t recognize the number. You showed her then answered with a tense “Hello?” There was a moment of static then that achingly familiar voice “Hey sweetheart, I hear you want to talk to me” you covered your mouth to hide the little squeak of surprise and her eyes widened as she mouthed “who is it?”

You shook your head and took a deep breath before saying “I honestly thought I wouldn’t hear from you again until you were stateside” he took a staggered breath and you knew he was bracing himself, he was trying to hold his emotions “I didn’t want to risk putting any stress on you. Jay said you were far enough” you blinked back tears “Yeah, I’m getting near the end”

He laughed lightly “Bet she’s gonna be beautiful, look at her mother” Stella had figured out who it was and moved to wrap her arms around you. “I just hope she’s smarter, ya know” you spoke weakly and heard him inhale sharply before he said your name lightly “Yeah Greg?” you asked and he took a few deep breaths “You are smart, I heard you pulled my move on an agent a while back” you laughed at the memory “Yeah, he was doubting me being there, Took me a little longer than you though but still took under fifteen seconds” “That’s my girl” his voice was low, barely above a whisper but those words coming from him? They made your heart ache.

You both started to talk at the same time so he laughed “Ladies first sweetheart” you scrubbed a hand down your face “I’m sorry for everything that’s caused you pain. You have to believe me nor Jay would ever hurt you. I love my baby girl Greg. She’s already so damn strong. I regret actions that hurt you but I can’t regret her” “Baby, I wouldn’t want you to” his voice was so soft you nearly started crying.

“Are you safe, for now?” you asked and could practically see the smile in his voice “Yeah, I am” you laughed weakly “Dumb question I know. Am I going to get to see you before you head to Glynco or are you going straight?” “I’d like to see you when I get stateside, if that’s ok. Hell I’d like to see everyone” Stella gave you an encouraging nod “I’d love that” you replied and he was quiet for a moment, long enough you thought he’d either hung up or lost connection until he said “I have never stopped loving you. When I left, when you told me you slept with Jay, when you told me about Adeline. My heart has never stopped being yours. I’m not asking for another chance right away, I just want you to know that you are loved by me and you will be loved by me until my heart stops beating. I still have love for Jay too and I know Addy will be the best of you both. He is gonna be an amazing father and you are gonna be an amazing mother. She is a lucky little girl”

“Thank you. I still love you too” you barely managed to get out. He took another deep breath and you knew that was him struggling to hold back emotions as much as you were “Will you tell me that, just one more time?” he asked so you smiled, wiping tears “I still love you Greg” he chuckled lightly “That’s my girl. I gotta go, I’ll try to keep in touch more. I hope when time comes labor is nice and smooth, remember if it becomes too painful feel free to break Jay’s hand”

You laughed and the two of you told each other goodbye before hanging up. Once she knew you were off the line Stella eyed you for a moment “What’s going on in that head of yours? I can’t read your face for once” you scrubbed a hand down your face “I fucking miss him but I have an entirely different life that’s just gonna get harder. I want to believe by some chance…how could it work Stel?” she tugged you into her arms “We eat the elephant bite by bite babe. Remember that. We face it a little at a time. No matter what you won’t be alone and Adeline will have me”

You had fallen asleep across the couch after Stella headed home so when a knock at the door made you finch out of your sleep you were on high alert, or was until you looked at the most recent missed calls on your phone. Jay.

You walked over and unlocked the door and Jay stood there with arms crossed “I wasn’t gonna come over tonight. I was gonna give you room, do laundry but you didn’t answer! Stella told me when she left and I tried to call, then I tried again and again” You knew he was holding back, trying to respect when you’d asked for breathing room so you grabbed his arms and pulled him closer.

He wrapped both arms around you, leaning his chin on your head. “I got so damn scared something happened. Don’t ever do that again” he ordered despite the way his voice broke a little. “I’m sorry Jay” you replied and he just held you tighter. “It’s ok sweetheart. It’s ok” you laid your head over on his chest and heard how erratic his heart was beating.

After a moment he pulled back and smiled slightly “Did Mouse call you?” you nodded with a grin “He did” his smile grew “Feel a little better after talking to him?” you nodded “I do actually, thank you” he nodded “Of course”

“I’m scared of fucking her up Jay” you admitted and he laughed “So am I but we got each other to call us out to ensure we dont fuck her up” You smiled “Ride or die partners?” he grinned “For life sweetheart” and ran a hand over your stomach “Definitely on that for life part now.” you shook your head and felt her hand hitting your stomach under Jay’s hand. “Definitely for life” you repeated, running your hand over your stomach as well.

@desimarie12 @waywardhunter95

You knew Jay meant it when he said for life, Adeline made it so but could Mouse face everything and still mean it? Could he still want you, still love you as much as you loved him? That wasn’t a worry for now. You and Jay had a baby to prepare for.

Part 13

@allisonargent144

#jay halstead x reader #greg mouse gerwitz x reader #jay halstead x you #mouse gerwitz x reader #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd fic #greg gerwitz x reader #chicago pd fanfic #greggerwitz x reader #jay halstead fanfiction #broken bonds masterlist

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poetryvampire · 6 months ago

Note

Can I request headcanons for (poly but none of them are dating yet) Zevlor and Rolan reacting to gn human Tav confessing to both of them but they explained they would understand if they're rejected since they're the same kind who has discriminated them so much? With a happy ending please?

Sweet beautiful Anon! Again I thank you deeply for your patience and am sorry it took so long. I absolutely loved the idea though and turned it into a little fic. It is going to be two chapters and here is part one (second one should be ready later this week lol) Please enjoy the angst and yearning (✿◡‿◡) 💜💜💜

Falling into Place

Pt 1 (pt 2 is Here !🥰)

Reader x Rolan x Zevlor

Light suggestive imagery (the nsfw lives in pt two)

You hadn’t intended on being so bold when you planned to visit Ramazith’s tower, but something in the way the corners of Rolan’s mouth curled as he brushed off your words sent a rush of boldness through you. Even as you sat on the corner of his desk, obscuring part of the map that ran past the edge practically hitting the floor, the wizard kept a playful look in his eye that made your heart pound.

“You know, if I wanted a horrid little creature to disturb my work and make a mess of my things I could have picked up an alley cat by now.” He mused, still pretending to read the papers in his hands.

“You should! You’ve got the room now.” You smiled as Rolan rolled his eyes.“Will you at least consider it?”

“Consider roaming around the countryside- for gods knows how long- looking for a troop of goblins?” He leaned back in his chair throwing the papers to the side. “I’m sorry, but it doesn’t sound terribly appealing.”

“Oh come on, won’t it be a nice change from locking yourself in here night and day?” You gesture around you at the chaos of books and scrolls that was his office.

“ Well, hero,” Rolan scoffed. “I am perfectly comfortable in my tower and don’t require saving at the moment. You’ll be the first to know should that change.” He turned his attention back to the map in front of him.

“Please.” You whine. “It’ll be fun! And they’ll just be a few of us. Wyll, Karlach, Zevlor-”

“In that case I must go.” The tiefling wrinkles his nose, cutting you off. For a moment you second guessed how real his annoyance might be. “With all the praise you showered on him after your last little adventure I would have thought him capable of taking down the goblins all by himself.”

“My word, is the great master of Ramazith’s Tower jealous of a paladin?” you tease.

“No.” Rolan snapped quickly. He stood, reaching across the sprawling paper to scribble some notes towards the top. “And could you get off my desk now?”

You didn’t move, rather regarded the wizard and the knit in his brow. It was no secret that he wasn’t the warmest man you’ve known and the signals of his true feelings were sometimes hard to read. Suddenly missing the mild affection he gave you from time to time, you leaned your head against his shoulder causing him to freeze completely.

“Obviously you don’t have to go.” You sighed. “But, I just thought it would be nice. I do like having you around. For some reason.”

He snorted out a small laugh and you could have sworn he shifted closed to you. Even the slight contact brought a smile to your lips.

“Good. The feeling is… mutual.” He paused, his eyes darted about not knowing where to look.“ And I suppose that wizard of yours is still busy boring his students to death?”

“He’s not my wizard. I haven’t got one, unless you’ve suddenly had a change of heart in the last two seconds.” You glance up at him coyly and could have sworn he took a sharp intake of breath.

“Well, it still sounds like a horrible time and I have no real interest in it. However, it would be irresponsible of me to let you lot go on your little adventure without the skills of a wizard. So- to save myself from losing sleep- yes I will-”

You let out a squeal and flung your arms around him causing his words to catch in his throat. Thanking him profusely and you let out a flood of words assuring him his worries were unfounded. Rolan kept still, hardly even breathing, in your embrace. Cautiously, he slid his arms around you and lightly ran his hand up and down your back.

“Now, now, there’s no need for such thanks.” he let out a nervous laugh. “ Not yet anyway. I’m sure I’ll end up pulling you out of some mess before too long.”

The spring in your step as you walked home that evening quickly turned back into worry. It was true that Rolan tagging along would be helpful and- of course- you desperately wanted him around. As the tiefling had advanced in his magical mastery you had seen less and less of him. It made you question if he’d lost some of the little affection he may have held for you. Not that it mattered in the end. You very much doubted you’d have the chance to come clean about your feelings.

You had always taken your time with love affairs, trying to gauge the situation before laying your heart bare. You had a heart overflowing with a care that was more than happy to give to however many people you loved. Of course taking multiple partners wasn’t for everyone and as careful as you were to be honest with potential lovers you had been burned horribly in the past. Rejection was a fear you carried with you now more than ever.

There was no point in lying to yourself anymore. You had never been so in love with two people than you were at the moment. Perhaps serendipity, perhaps a curse, both Rolan and Zevlor had taken your heart utterly. The cleanup and rebuilding of the city would have been impossible without them. They had both spent countless hours at your side ready to aid you in any way you needed. As time pressed on your bonds had deepened and the idea of not having your favourite wizard and paladin in your life broke your heart.

How could you tell either of them the truth when it may mean losing one of your closest friends? Would you have to choose one of them? And if your greatest hope was true and they shared your affection you couldn’t bring yourself to break one of their hearts.

Neither of them had ever indicated how they might feel about having partners. It had never come up in conversation and every time you considered breaching the subject you backed out at the last minute, too afraid of what they may say. As much as you had learned of tiefling culture, you hadn't found anything that may give you a hint. For now the only decision was to try and stay sane while your desire ate you alive.

***

At a glance the journey was off to an excellent start; the weather had been fair and after only a week of travel you had stumbled across a strong lead. The comfortable routine of traveling with your companions was a welcomed change. Rolan seemed in good spirits despite his playful jabs and endless complaints. It was mid way through the second week when everything went south.

The path chosen turned out to be far longer and harder to traverse than you hoped. One with twisting slopes and leaden with brambles and jagged, uneven rocks. After taking a deeply embarrassing tumble, Zevlor had taken to staying at side, ready to offer his hand or an arm to cling to for balance. More than once, perhaps subconsciously, you allowed the contact to pass the need for stability. For a moment you could revel in the dream of having such a kind and gentle man on your arm. Again, you hadn’t meant to over step. The two of you never shied away from physical contact- you’d had plenty of sparring sessions with the man- but there was still an unspoken tension no matter how comfortable you had become. Unlike with Rolan, it was easy to slip over the line- the one you had given yourself- with Zevlor and not even realize it had happened. In the end it always made you feel just as foolish as the night you had invited Rolan. .

To make matters worse the late summer weather had turned uncharacteristically cool and wet. Ending days chilled and soaked to the bone did nothing for morale. As much as you tried to stay optimistic after a few days of truely unpleasant conditions, something in Rolan’s demeanor shifted. His witty remarks turned to a cold silence. He did his duties thoroughly and without complaint all the while seeming a million yards away. You had become certain he was actively avoiding you. Time and again he would distance himself from you however possible. Even when you attempted to assist him he was determined to work alone.

While huddled around a fire for supper with your companions, you found yourself across from Rolan and couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes fell everywhere but forward. As if you weren’t even there. To your surprise Wyll, ever the charismatic one, was able to jump back into a conservation the two had started earlier. The wizard sounded weary but friendly nonetheless. Your gut might as well have sunken into the abyss as you mulled over the past few days. Rolan had become quiet but you had yet to seem in distance himself from Wyll or Karlach. Not as he had done with you and Zevlor. A cold fear ran through your bones at the thought of it being more than bad weather to sour his mood.

The prospects left you dizzy. You couldn’t completely mask the distress in your voice as you made an excuse to retire to your tent. Zevlor followed you, checking if you required any help or healing he could provide. As you reassured him your eyes drifted to the glint of gold shining past his shoulder. You have caught Rolan’s eyes fixed on the two of you before turning back to Wyll.

Most of the night was spent tossing and turning in your bedroll as you tried to quell the endless scenarios in your brain. Tried to swallow down all the tears you’d been holding back for far too long. It felt practically indulgent to imagine Rolan was actually jealous of Zevlor or that he did in fact harbor feelings for you. They both felt out of character for him, or was he just better at hiding it than you had been? Whatever the case, you had awoken early ready to throw yourself into anything that wasn’t thinking about what a fool you’ve been.

Zevlor, as usual, was the only one awake at such an hour. Not wanting to waste the time you had together you decided on a sparring session and settled in a clearing not too far from camp. As skilled a fighter as you were you didn't come close to his mastery of the sword and still had much to learn. As if sensing your need for a distraction Zevlor kept you on your toes, moving with all the grace and ferocity he displayed in a real battle. You were unsure if the stress of your worries had shaken your hand or if Zevlor had finally stopped going easy on you, either way he was subduing you with ease. Frustrations hot in your chest you were becoming more clumsy and frantic with every swing. In a misguided attempt to break the deadlock your shaking arms could barely hold, you tried hooking your foot around Zevlor’s ankle to throw off his balance. However it worked a bit too well, sending the two of you down hard, the tiefling crashing directly on top of you.

You laughed with what little air wasn’t knocked out of your lungs. At the stupid idea, at the befuddled look on Zevlor’s face. You were certain he was about to scold you, but no sound passed his lips. Still breathing hard against you, he studied your face as if trying to solve a riddle. Helpless, you could only gaze up at him. He was a vision, with his hair loose and clinging to his sweat laden brow. A smile bloomed wide across your face. How long had you dreamed of feeling his weight on you? Of looking up into those flaming eyes? Instinctively your hands rose to his shoulders keeping him there. You could feel his breath on your face, the hammering of your heart flooding every vein. Your mind screamed to stop before you only made things worse but you both lingered like this for too long not to act.

Zevlor's whole body tensed as you pressed your lips to his with an aggression he had not been prepared for. Soon he matched your passion and welcomed your curious tongue into his mouth. He moaned your name and you had to fight the urge to wrap your legs around him along with your arms. The worry and uncertainty fell to the back of your mind as your hands found their way across his chest. Dressed down in a tonic, you were able to delight in the pattern of ridges he bore. Your hands roamed everywhere as the paladin’s lips sought to devour you. He moved from mouth to jaw, to neck and back again, kissing and sucking every inch of skin he could find. Drunk on the taste of him, your fingers dipped past his shirt to caress the warm tight muscle of his stomach. Also lost in the sensation he rolled his hips against you causing you both to groan into each other's mouth.

“Stop!” Zevlor tore himself away from you as if burned. Sitting up on his knees he bowed head, red faced and clearly frustrated. “Stop. Please, I don’t want to-to-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, don’t worry.” you move to his side. “I should apologize. I was rash and I haven’t slept and I just-”

“I didn’t want this to happen this way.” His soft eyes meet yours.

You want to ask what he means yet it seems a better solution to leave and blame your actions on the lack of sleep. But the warmth radiating from his weathered face held you like a spell.

“I- the time never felt quite right. And you deserve nothing less than a proper courting, to be adorned with lovely things and beautiful words. However, you know-you must know-” the former commander cups your face with a shocking amount of gentleness for such rough hands. “That I adore you.”

Zevlor’s searched your face. As hard as you tried to steal yourself you couldn’t push down the rush of joy; the pleading in your eyes that invited him into another kiss.

This time his mouth moved slowly, tenderly; it held a sort of honesty that made you shiver. You tried not to get ahead of yourself but you swear you can feel his longing in every movement, as if he had been holding back just as you had. You could feel the grin on those perfectly full lips when he pulled away. Everything you’re about to say leaves your mind as Zevlor's eyes darted suddenly to something behind you. A chill runs down your spine as you whip around to see Rolan standing in the tree line. His look of genuine shock melted into a disdainful grimace.

“There’s breakfast ready. If you’re so inclined.” Rolan spat out before turning on his heel to hastily march back to camp.

Panicked, you jumped to your feet. Calling after the wizard repeatedly only made him move quicker leaving you standing there face hot, pushing down the lump in your throat. You were rooted to the spot, breathing hard. Zevlor’s eyes were on you- you were sure of it- but you didn’t dare look at him.

“I don’t mean to pry,” the tiefling spoke softly. “Have I, perhaps, misjudged the situation?”

“No, Zevlor. I- Gods I'm mad for you. It’s just- I just-it’s hard to-” you fought to keep your voice steady.

“It’s complicated.” His lips held a smile that could not mask the disappointment in his eyes. “I understand. I’ve had my fair share of complications when it comes to romance. And Rolan is a quite accomplished young man.”

“I don’t know what I'm doing. I’m sorry.” you breathed.

“You’ve done nothing wrong. I have heard it said that the course of true love never did run smooth. Should you need to talk or anything really, don’t hesitate to find me.” He affirmed and kissed your hand.

As the two of you made your way back, Zevlor chuckled to himself.

“I must say I am relieved to know that all my worries of you not having an interest in tieflings were unfounded.” He grinned.

Despite your tempest of emotions you couldn’t help but laugh.

#asks #god i love this idea #next one is high drama high romance #idk about breaking it in two be it feels like too long altogether?#bg3 #reader x rolan x zevlor #reader x rolan #reader x zevlor #tav x rolan #tav x zevlor #poly #divider by saradika #rolan #zevlor #scream

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chaoticbardlady99 · 1 year ago

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HI FIRST OF ALL LOVE YOUR WRITING second of all ! kind of specific but may I request an astarion x reader/tav where like. 90% of their time with the companions reader/tav hasn’t been able to see all that well- like. they can see colors and sort-of shapes but most details are completely incomprehensible, and through some method or another (probably someone’s attempt at “removing the tadpole” or smthn but up to you!) they’re finally able to see clearly and they’re just. completely amazed because EVERYTHING (astarion) is so beautiful actually??

Like Nothing I’ve Seen (Astarion x GN! reader)

CW- Mentions of gore and violence (due to Volo being a socially incompetent goofball) , self-esteem issues because I’m an insecure queen myself and like to deal with my feelings through my OCs

I tried to write a body neutral reader as well so everyone can imagine themselves in this story! I hope I was able to pull that off.

Title inspired by the song “Beautiful Things” by Grayscale

Hello! I am so sorry this took so long. Work has been kicking my whole ass lately!!!

This has not be thoroughly proof read so I may make changes as I find them, but I was too excited to post it! I hope you enjoy!

Being a monk is hypothetically supposed to help your pain tolerance- ya know, zen and shit.

Except, you quickly learn that a crossbow bolt to the eyeball is enough to break your zen.

Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s fighting quickly subsides as you stare at the two blobs out of your (now) one only good eye- good being a stretch. Admittedly, of all the people this could have happened to, it’s probably a good thing it was you since your eyes don’t really work anyway.

The purple, silver, and black blob (who you have come to know as ‘Shadowheart’) comes running towards you, her movements frantic as she begins to try to bandage your eye. You wince as she starts to remove the crossbow bolt.

“I am so sorry,” Shadowheart says, the distress evident in her voice, “if only that gith would stop being such a problem.”

Shadowheart practically screamed the last bit, but at least you are in too much pain for the shrill sound of her voice to bother you. You never wanted to find out if eyeballs could throb- you missed the hours before breakfast when you were blissfully ignorant to the true capabilities of your eyeballs.

The hostile green ball, Lae’zel, comes charging over with an insult sitting on the tip of her tongue before another blob knocks her aside.

“Walk it off Lae’zel,” you hear Karlach say with heavy amounts of exasperation.

Lae’zel grumbles as she storms off; Shadowheart continues to slowly work on you as you wince, whimper, and feel the tears start to fall.

“What did you do?!”

The rage in his voice rattles your bones- if tones could kill, Shadowheart would have keeled over. The radiant blob of your lover is in Shadowheart’s face (at least you hope it’s her face).

“Fangs, put them away!”

“Oh? Were you this anal when they were SHOOTING CROSSBOWS KARLACH?!”

You are beginning to feel dizzy and the yelling isn’t helping. Shadowheart, Karlach, and Astarion are arguing relentlessly- Karlach attempting to mediate. At some point Gale and Wyll join the mix- you think they are trying to hold back Astarion, but you aren’t sure.

In all the chaos, you are unaware of Volo coming up behind you- a solution brewing in his brains.

“Don’t worry my friend,” He explains with gusto, “I can fix this!”

Before anyone can protest, Volo rips the bolt out- your eyeball coming out with it before Volo plops a spherical object in your lap.

“Tada!”

The blood curdling scream that rips through your throat as you clutch at your eye socket surprises even you. In the midst of the white, hot pain- you hear Volo running off , also screaming, away from what you think is Astarion.

You feel Shadowheart grab the spherical object from your lap as Karlach holds you down on the ground.

“Sorry Soldier, but this is probably going to hurt.”

Oh and it hurts.

Shadowheart is wiggling the eye roughly into your eye socket, apologizing the entire time. You feel your socket form around the new eye. The pain from the removal and the new addition begins to subside into a dull ache as the new eyeball makes itself at home in your head- healing energy radiating from it and Shadowheart’s palm.

You feel like you are going to throw up, pass out, or go into a fit of hysteria by the time you start trying to blink your eyes open. You stare down at the grass below you and watch as a red bug with black spots walks along one of the blades before taking flight.

You freeze- the world is definitely not blobbish anymore. You run your fingers through the soft, green grass.

Has it always looked this way?

“How is the new eye?” Shadowheart says nervously.

You look over at her and try to stifle your shock.

Shadowheart is stunning and Karlach is just as awe inspiring as Shadowheart.

“Are you okay, Soldier?”

Sometimes you forget that your companions don’t know about your vision issues. You are able to hide your vision deficit well due to your years of training as a monk teaching you how to rely heavily on your other senses and the energy in the air.

You have come to adore all of your companions for their personalities, their laughs- Astarion especially. However, now you understand why perfect strangers come up to your companions with enamored voices.

“You catch him, Fangs?” Karlach says in a teasing town.

You hear Astarion scowl, “the bastard ran off and disappeared before I could even get near him.”

Astarion appears out from the corner of your eye and kneels in front of you. You try so hard to keep the surprise and adoration from showing on your face. His eyes bore into yours with an emotion that is not recognizable. A tick of frustration flares in your mind- now you have to learn an entirely new set of rules for social interaction.

Except, you’ll deal with that later. For now, you have a literal God kneeling in front of you, his hand cupping your cheek and surveying your new eye.

Gods he’s incredible.

“You’re beautiful,” you whisper involuntarily.

As the blush spreads along your cheeks, Astarion breaks out in a bright, beautiful smile.

“Well that settles it, your vision is working just fine!”

He gives you a quick kiss on your lips- your face feels like it’s on fire.

It has been a little over a week since the tiefling party. He had been distant with you initially after your midnight tryst and you had felt quite broken over it. Well- until you had been spending time with Gale at the campfire talking about the Monastery you grew up in and his experiences with the weave. Astarion had barged into the conversation, sat down next to you, and had practically pulled you into his lap next to the campfire. After that night, you’ve become inseparable- sleeping in each other’s tents, more midnight trysts, cuddling, spending the whole night talking or playing games. You spend alone time with your other companions- he would never control you or dictate who you spend time with. He would spy on you and Gale, but he would never prevent you from talking to him.

“No my dear, I trust you. I just don’t trust the boot muncher.”

“You really need to stop saying that,” your serious demeanor cracking, “he doesn’t actually eat the boots.”

He snickered, “oh ya? Then why have we never seen them after he absorbs them? And yet everyone judges my feeding habits!”

Astarion helps you up off the ground and you are dizzy from all the new stimuli around you. His hands find purchase on your hips as he helps steady you. You take advantage of the support and look around your camp.

It all looked exactly how you did and did not imagine. Your brain feels like it’s having a war between what your senses tell you about the land versus what your eyes are saying. You can label everything in the camp because you know where it is based on location, but none of it looks like the way you had anticipated- in fact, it was all far more breathtaking than you imagined.

“What are you thinking about Darling,” he whispers against your ear.

A pleasant shiver runs down your spine, a smile consuming your face.

“I was thinking it might be fun to go explore around camp and make sure my eye is really working.”

He stares at you with an unreadable expression, “I’m sure the environment and your sight hasn’t changed that much?”

Ah, that look means confusion.

“Don’t be such a pessimist,” you put your hand on your hip and flash a grin, “besides, it’s not like I asked you to go with me.”

*******************************************

Astarion walks leisurely behind you as you make a point of touching anything you can reach. He thought you were the most normal one at camp (mentally at the very least), but he is beginning to think he misjudged you.

You are twirling around the forest like you’ve never been in one before. You ask him questions about specific objects and express a great deal of interest in everything you come across- you even find the rocks interesting. While he did find the strangeness to be odd, he still couldn’t help but relish in the genuine, innocent joy on your face. Astarion feels an unfamiliar warmth spread throughout his body while he watches you as you bound around the forest floor.

Astarion is slowly recognizing that his plan is unraveling, but only a little bit. He had thought you would be the lovesick puppy chasing him around camp, but, as Karlach has pointed out to him, it’s the opposite.

He finds himself always making an inventory of where you are in relation to him, who you are talking to, and your feelings- even the ones he is currently disrespecting by attempting to gain your undying protection.

Now Astarion is here- watching you follow a bumble bee towards a large Oak tree.

As you stop and make a point of sitting down under a tree, you touch the various flowers scattered in the grass and excitedly chat about the details of the flower. Astarion silently sits next to you with a smile and takes a look at your face- you look like a blind man seeing for the first time. The realization hits him like an eldritch blast.

“Darling?”

You hum.

“Have you not been able to see until today?”

Astarion watches as you tense up and your eyes meet his. Astarion struggles to discern the look in your eyes- it’s somewhere between fear and apprehension. He offers you a small smile before you break eye contact with a sigh.

“I, um, was sick as a baby. My mom left me outside of a monastery. I guess whatever I was sick with attacked my vision so I could only really see colors and the basic outlines of the things,” Astarion looks at you as if to encourage you to go on so you continue, “it’s never affected me though. The monks taught me how to use my other senses and taught me how to sense energy in the air.”

Astarion is still trying to wrap his head around the fact that a. He was right and b. You slept with him without knowing what he looks like? C. You are easily the second strongest in your little gang of weirdos and the entire time you could barely see.

“So when you told me I was beautiful last week?”

You blush and hide your soft grin. He hears your heart begin to race.

“I really did mean it then,” you pause,” but it’s a different kind of beautiful. I think you are a very good person- I just adore you. Your smile, your laugh, your personality- even the snarky bits. Or when you are at your absolute worst.”

You pause and give him a joking smile, “You are a real pain in the ass though. I didn’t know why everyone is so enamored with you, but now I can see why all those tiefling women kept flirting with you at the party now though.”

He tries to hide the frown that threatens to reveal itself and he sees the panic flash in your eyes.

“Not that I’m saying you are nothing but your looks because that is not true,” you bite your lip, “I just know I came to like you for who you are on the inside and that was…. Quite the experience.”

“Are you suggesting I’m an acquired taste?!”

“Hmmm,” you tap your chin, “ I suppose that is exactly what I’m saying.”

“I am truly heartbroken darling, I thought we had something special.”

He huffs playfully and pretends to be upset- ignoring the butterflies in his stomach. Astarion’s heart clenches as you look at him with the same warmth he is feeling. You break eye contact from him and he can’t help but feel disappointed.

“We do, you’re just lucky I’m a monk and I’ve been forced to practice patience my whole life.”

Astarion is lost for words as he turns over what you just said in his head. You scratch the back of your neck and start talking again.

“And not to mention, you deserve someone who is going to take the time to know you for you- not just adore you for what you look like. You are really one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met Star.”

We do. Incredible. Star.

His body feels like it might explode from the chaos of emotions spirals through his body. He thinks maybe the effects of the tadpole are wearing off because he feels like he is burning alive. He fights the urge to take you right there in the flowers.

A couple minutes later, you look up at him again- that same fear in your eyes, but also some hope. After you realize he isn’t going to say anything, you speak again.

“I am not entirely sure why you have gravitated towards me, but I really like you. I understand if you don’t feel the same way and we can just go back to being friends,” you pause, “and you won’t lose my protection. I still intend on helping you be free of Cazador once and for all.”

You look away from him, hands fiddling with the flowers. Astarion is still digesting everything you just said to him.

It wasn’t that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings (even if he refuses to admit he does), he just doesn’t… deserve someone like you.

He had always been under the assumption that monks were stuffy and by-the-book. You had taken him by complete surprise. You are slyly funny, have no problems with bending the rules if it means helping someone (he doesn’t care for the intent of bending the rules, but he likes bending the rules), and you are accepting. You aren’t neutral with your feelings unless you are trying to mediate an argument or make the best decision for the group.

He appreciates how blunt you are in private- he never has to try to guess what’s on your mind. You make him feel safe like no one else has for the last 200 years.

How could I not gravitate towards you?

It also occurs to him that you have never seen yourself- how your eyes twinkle when you smile or the dimples that grace your cheeks. You hadn’t even seen your body- the same body he was starstruck by and, despite the dissociation and icky feelings, he was able to enjoy the sex between you to some extent.

He gets up from his spot on the ground next to you- your shoulders slightly slumping in defeat.

“Oh stop being so dramatic darling,” he teasingly smiles at you, “get up- I have something to show you.”

***************************************

You blindly follow Astarion to his tent- you had asked him what he wanted to show you the entire walk back, but he refused to disclose that information.

Once you were in camp, Astarion had wrapped some cloth around your eyes before dragging you in the direction of his tent.

“Now you stay right here- don’t move a muscle.”

“Oh you mean like-“

He interrupts you by swatting your hand away from his curls. You pout playfully and he pulls you to his chest before kissing you deeply. You are shocked by his actions and his gasp of surprise tells you he is just as shocked too. You feel him pull back as you start to melt against him, your hands tangled in his hair. An impatient whine escapes your lips. He chuckles.

“No, no, no,” he says, “not yet. Now stay still or there’s no more kisses for you.”

“No more kisses!?”

“You heard me!”

You stay still- the threat is more than enough to convince you to stop. You can hear and sense Astarion rustling around the tent, placing various objects of different vibrations all around his tent. It feels like it takes eons as he readjusts and moves the objects around. Finally, Astarion hums with approval.

“Alright darling, you can take the blind fold off now.”

You take off your blindfold eagerly and your eyes adjust to the warm light in the tent. As you look around, you see that Astarion had set up every mirror he owns all around the tent.

Mirrors.

You stare back at who you can only presume to be yourself. You take in all your features- dissecting yourself. The longer you stare at yourself, the unhappier you become.

You know that Astarion’s intent is good (or you hope it is), but you can’t help the frown that takes place on your face. You are so plain in comparison to Astarion and everyone in camp. Why would he want to be with you when he could have someone as stunning as Shadowheart? Someone equally as interesting to look at?

“What’s wrong,” Astarion says with alarm in his voice.

You suddenly become aware of the hot tears running down your cheeks as Astarion cups your face with his hands. You shake your head, crying harder as he wipes your tears away.

“Darling, please.”

The desperation in his voice causes you to finally meet his eyes, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you can stop them.

“ I’m so plain looking,” you state with venom in your voice, “the rest of you are all beautiful in unique ways and I just look like everyone else.”

He scowls, shaking his head at you.

“That is not even slightly true.”

He twirls you around in his arms and has you facing the mirrors again. You have to remind myself that he is behind you still as you feel his fingers trace the details of your face (it would really ruin the moment if you elbowed him in the ribs).

“No one shines like you do. No one smiles like you or laughs like you- crinkles their eyes when they are happy like you. You are funny and intelligent; and by the Gods you are powerful. The fact that you have been fighting blind this whole time is absolutely incredible. You, darling, are a force of nature,” he puts his face in the crook of your neck, kissing the delicate skin, “I may say a lot of honeyed words, but I wouldn’t say them if they weren’t true.

“And, in all my 200 years of living, I must say, you are like no beauty I have ever seen before.”

You can’t help but smile brightly and you try to look at yourself the way he sees you. Maybe you can see the person he is referring to, but you just need more time to get used to actually seeing yourself. Maybe with time, you will be able to see how brightly you shine too- you’ll just have to work at it.

You smile at yourself softly and say a quiet you’re wonderful to yourself before looking away from the mirrors.

You turn around and give Astarion a soft, long kiss- he sighs into it, meeting your tempo until you pull away; Breathless like a fish out of water. He puts his forehead against yours, looking into your eyes.

��Thank you, Astarion- I think you shine too.”

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion x reader #astarion #astarion x you #astarion romance #bg3 spoilers #bg3 #astarion x tav #baldurs gate astarion #volo

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skzpvol · 11 months ago

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. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ THE BRIGHTEST STAR - bang chan ࿐ྂ

pairing: nonidol!bang chan x gn!reader

genre: angst, no comfort (i warned you)

warning: mentions of suicide, cursing, the entire drabble is full of hurt

words: 0.8k

synopsis: Chan visits you again. What will you say to you this time?

a/n (1): this drabble is triggering, so please if you are sensitive to the warnings DO NOT read. Your health is my priority and remember that you are not alone, you will never be. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. English is not my first language, so tell me if I made some mistakes.

«hi my love, i’ve missed you. Do you remember what day is it? It’s our anniversary and I really can’t believe that we’ve come this far. The younger me would be so proud to hear I’ve been with the love of my life for six years now. And I would do anything to spend this special day with you. Actually I don’t really want to celebrate. It would be useless if I’m alone.

«I bought your favorite flowers today. Hope you will appreciate them. Do you remember the first time I bought you flowers? They were roses and you were so scared to tell me you were allergic. I felt guilty but when I saw you laughing I thought it was all worthy. Even tho I tried to kill you, hearing and seeing your laugh for the first time was like being transported to heaven. I immediately felt lighter and happier. You’ve always made me the happiest. It’s a shame that happiness is gone now. But it’s not your fault, if anything it’s mine.

«the boys miss you too. You know, one week ago we met all together for the first time after the accident and I tried, I tried so hard to distract myself. I did everything I could, they did everything, but it was all pointless. I told them I was fine, that I felt like I was already moving on, but they were all lies. I can’t help it. I don’t want them to be worried. They’ve already suffered enough and I don’t to be another burden.

«I wrote you a song. Yes, another one. It seems like you are still my biggest inspiration. I really want to sing it to you, but it’s not finished yet. You need to wait just a little more. I promise you, the next time I’ll come with the lyrics. Just wait for me.

«why y/n? Why did you do this to me? Was I not enough? Did you feel like you couldn’t trust me? Why? Why did you not search for help? I would have been there. I would have listened to each of your worries. I would have stayed with you. I would have told you that everything was going to be okay, that you were not alone. So why did you never told me how you were really feeling? Fuck- why? I know that it’s anyone fault, but I feel like I’m the only culprit. I know that i should not be mad at you, but I am. I’m madly angry. I wanna scream, cry and at the same time let everything go. But you will still not come back to me. So why should I try anyway?

«I’ve always seen suicide like a way to die for cowards. I’ve always thought that people who chose it were selfish. But who am I to think about it like that now, if I wasn’t even capable of helping you? I’m the real selfish because in 6 fucking years I wasn’t be able to look into you, to look through you. You were suffering and I didn’t do anything. I tried to blame you when you told me you needed me, so who am I to fucking say you are the selfish one? I’m a mess. I’m a disaster.

«the last time I saw you, you were happier. I remember that I even asked you why. You just told me “today is a beautiful day” and before I left you said “I love you, always will” for the last time. If I only knew. I read somewhere that a star burns brightest in its final moments and I get it now. Every time I look at the sky I always wonder if you are finally happy. When I look at the glowing stars I always think it’s your way to tell me that you are there. You are there and you are okay. You are protecting me.

«I cry. A lot. Even now, I can’t stop crying. The guilt it’s really hard to bear. I can’t even look in the mirror without feeling disgust towards myself. And you would probably be disappointed too if you saw me like this. You want me to be happy, but I can’t. Not without you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t look out for you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when I was supposed to. I’m sorry that i was the worst boyfriend you could ever ask for. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

«will I ever be able to see you again? I really hope so. But I’ll make sure to look at the sky every single night and look out for the brightest star. Because you are there, aren’t you?

«please wait for me, I still have to sing you a song. You will be proud of me, I promise.

a/n (2): hiii, how are you? I’m finally on school break! Sorry if I’m being inactive BUT, apart from school that is really stressing me out, I’m working on a bunch of things (a long ass fic and a smau :)) ). I probably already said this, BUT I’M GOING TO SEE MY STRAY KIDS IN JULY AFTER TWO YEARS, AND I’M THE HAPPIEST. I cannot really wait. Btw, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it. I also ask you to like it and tell me your opinion about this to help me to improve. Have a good day / night 🫶🏻

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dreamchaserguild · 2 months ago

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My Problem With Christianity

Ghost: Soph has talked about my antitheist days before. I don't think I actually stopped being antitheist though. I did stop being vocal about it. I stopped trying to pick fights with people for their religion. But I never really stopped hating Christianity and related religions.

People will say that I should respect people's beliefs, but it isn't the beliefs I hate. It's the morality.

Even back when I was a child and going to Church, it bothered me how a supposedly loving God would torture good people simply for not believing in Him. I remember talking to my mom, who was a Sunday School teacher, about whether God would punish children too young to know about Him, or people in other countries who had never heard of God.

If I doused myself in oil and handed you a match, dear reader, would you throw it on me and watch me burn? Would you listen to my screams of agony as my flesh melts away?

How would you feel towards someone who did do that? Would you believe them to be good person? Would you believe them to be just and moral?

And if not, then why would you believe a God who would do the same to be?

I am an atheist. I don't believe in God. But my lack of belief in God is not why I hate Christianity.

I hate Christianity because if God came down to me tomorrow and revealed himself to me in the flesh with a demonstration of his divine Godly powers, I would not worship him. I would believe, yes. I had seen it with my own eyes and couldn't deny it.

But I could never worship evil.

I would be sentenced to the pits of fire for not bowing to a tyrant.

When Adolf Hitler throws millions of people into furnaces, he's the most reviled figure in human history. When God throws billions of people into Hell, he's "just" and "omnibenevolent."

I still celebrate Christmas. It's a fun holiday that lets you show how much you care about the people you love in your life.

But I'm no longer capable of the level of cognitive dissonance necessary to be a Christian.

I am not capable of convincing myself that God is good and just when he would punish so many simply for not believing in him and not knowing better. And I find myself loathing people who do.

I cannot "respect people's beliefs" when those beliefs are that everyone who thinks differently than them deserves to be thrown into a pit of eternal fire.

#christianity #atheist #anti christianity #ex christian #anti religion #ghost post #christmas #jesus christ #god #faith #christian #religion #christians #theology #gods #atheism

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stupidnicknamehere · 1 year ago

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Zolu ship from an Aroace's POV

Since this is my personal experience and very, very intimate, I don't plan to delve into more details, but after recent situations and some zolu shippers sharing their aroace identity, I thought I would share mine.

As an aroace person, I have never experienced conventional physical attraction, but that in no way means I haven't fallen in love. With my partners, I came to experience a close emotional bond of trust and attachment, which led me to fall in love. There was no sensuality, flirting or courtship. Physical intimacy was not an act of carnal desire either, but rather an emotional and close experience.

A lot of this has resonated with the Zolu ship for me. It is not about passions or carnal desires, it is about that emotional bond full of affection and genuine trust. It is not a fall in love produced by dopines, serotonins and oxycotins. It's about knowing a person, really knowing them, and not being able to imagine your days without them. For me, it is not feeling my heart race when I see them, rather the opposite, it is feeling calm and safe. It's not desperation or debauchery to jump into bed with them, it's the curiosity of sharing a new experience with your partner, even though you know you could be fine without it. And it can be great and satisfying, but you know that you couldn't do it with just anyone, only with the one with whom you share so many emotions and affections.

It is something so rare for me to find within fiction that I have not been able to help identifying myself, not in Zoro or Luffy, but in this way of loving someone. That is why, above all, I value their true relationship within the canon. It feels like "more than a friendship but less than a brotherhood". Unlike many fictional pairings, this is one of those few that is based on affection, loyalty, respect, good and kind things.

Yes, I am an aroace person and have had some of the experiences that many have said an aroace person is not capable of, and Zolu is not only a comfort ship for me, it also helps me affirm my identity. Maybe that's why many of us aroace love this ship, at least I think I can understand why aroace like their dynamics so much.

Like I said, this is just my experience and point of view.

Furthermore, there is no canonical sexuality for these characters, and just because you like to imagine that Luffy is an aroace who ignores romance and doesn't understand physical intimacy doesn't mean you should push it towards others.

And screw everyone who says that an aroace can't fall in love or enjoy sex with someone. For me, Zoro and Luffy fuck each other👌

#zolu #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #aroace pride I guess?#I decided to add more because I didn't think it was clear at first #that others do not dare to speak for us #I don't need “allies”#I will speak for myself

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joeys-babe · 1 year ago

Text

Joey B Imagines: Merry Christmas, Goofball

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Summary: Joe gets an extra gift at his family Christmas!

(Tiny part two to - Part 1)

Warnings: Fluff

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

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December 27, 2023

(Joe’s pov)

The past two days had been boring, empty, quiet, and all the negative adjectives.

I made the drive down to Athens today for Christmas with my family.

We were having it two days after Christmas to accommodate my brother’s having to go to their in-laws.

It was just going to be the same as last year, watching the kids play, and adult couples sit at the table while drinking wine together.

I fit in with neither group. So I either sat on the couch to watch a football game, or I'd sneak off to my old bedroom and play video games.

Whatever the plan ended up being, I was going to try to get away from this scene.

After all the grandkids opened presents from my mom and dad, it was my time to drift away from the group.

I grabbed a trash bag and gathered all of the wrapping paper and empty gift bags.

When the trash bag was full, I snuck into the kitchen and laid It by the backdoor to be taken out.

Once I did a quick look around and knew no one was watching, I opened the basement door, but before I could reach a foot out for the first step, I felt a huge hand on my shoulder.

Immediately, my shoulders dropped. I'd been caught.

“Not this year.” - Jimmy

I turned around to see my dad and gave him a sheepish smile.

“Sorry…” - Joe

“Don't apologize, son. I know it’s awkward since y/n can’t be with you.” - Jimmy

“Yeah, it really is. I don't fit in with the kids obviously, but I don't want to be the only adult in there without a partner with them.” - Joe

“Your mom and I are sorry for making you feel left out, so we got you an extra gift.” - Jimmy

“Huh?” - Joe

“It's on the front porch.” - Jimmy

I gently pushed past my dad and walked through the sea of people, making a beeline for the front door.

Out of nowhere, everyone fell silent, like they were anticipating my reaction.

After giving everybody a confused glare, I opened the door.

My heart stopped when my eyes fell on my extra gift.

“Baby?!” - Joe lept forward and grabbed you

I held her as tight as possible and spun her around, still trying to understand how and why this was happening.

“Hi, Joey.” - you giggled

Her legs were wrapped around my waist as I held her up in my arms.

“What are you doing here?” - Joe

I sat her back down on the ground, my arms never leaving her waist.

“You think I'm not gonna visit my boyfriend when he's in Athens? You were like thirty minutes away instead of two hours, couldn't pass on seeing your smiling face.” - you

“Shit, I didn't even think of that. I was so busy moping around that I forgot I was actually in Athens, where you are.” - Joe

She playfully rolled her eyes before pressing a long kiss to my lips.

Suddenly, there was a voice coming from behind us.

“I see you found your gift. Hi y/n!” - Robin

I smiled at my mom before y/n hugged her, they pulled away, and y/n said something to her.

“Thank you for inviting me, Robin.” - you

“Oh of course sweetie! He’s been walking around depressed like Eeyore from Winnie-the-Pooh all day. I knew you were the only thing capable of making him smile.” - Robin

y/n laughed and I felt myself blushing, not just from embarrassment but also from that gorgeous laugh.

“He loves you so much.” - Robin whispered

I know my mom attempted to whisper, so only y/n could hear… but she failed miserably, and I heard anyway.

“I love him too… so much.” - you told Robin

“Good.” - Robin smile

A few seconds of silence went by before my mom spoke up again.

“Well, I won't bother you guys… feel free to sneak off to the basement like you do every year, Joe. Enjoy your time together!” - Robin smiled before walking away

When she walked away, y/n and I embraced once again before I took her hand and led her toward the basement.

“Am I gonna see the iconic Star Wars room, Joey?” - you

“How do you know about that?” - Joe grinned

“I watch your interviews.” - you shrug

“Stalker.” - Joe scoffed jokingly

“At least I didn't ask a nineteen-year-old out when I was twenty-six.” - you mumbled

I stopped so abruptly that she crashed into my back.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Think I shouldn't have?” - Joe

“What? No! I was just joking.” - your eyes went wide

“Don’t joke about that shit! It's not funny.” - Joe

Grimacing when I realized I raised my voice, I watched y/n’s body language change completely.

“Sorry…” - you looked down

“Wait… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have raised my voice. I didn't mean to, baby…” - Joe

“It’s okay. I won't joke about it again. I was playing around and didn't think you'd take it seriously, but I should've known.” - you

“Can we just drop it? I don't want to argue right now.” - Joe looked at you with sincere eyes

“I’d love that. Can we just chill downstairs and cuddle?” - you

“I thought you'd never ask.” - Joe grinned

——

After an hour of cuddling and watching a movie, y/n and I went back upstairs to find my family getting the gingerbread house kits out.

“Oh, hell no.” - you mumbled

“We can go back downstairs.” - Joe laughed

“Can we please? I have beef with gingerbread houses.” - you

I laughed realizing she copied my line about dry ingredients from a few days ago, and took her hand to go back down to my room.

“Uncle Joe!” - Joe’s nephew

Turning around to see my little nephew, I wondered what he wanted.

“Yup?” - Joe

“Look.” - Joe’s nephew

The five-year-old pointed to the doorframe above me and y/n, where a mistletoe hung.

I looked at y/n with a big smile, and we both shrugged at the same time before leaning in to kiss each other.

Because I wasn't a fan of PDA, we haven't ever kissed in front of someone. Other than y/n’s family watching through the windows when I dropped her off.

But right now, as everyone whistled and watched us kiss under the mistletoe, I'd never felt so happy.

We pulled away from each other after a solid minute, with huge grins on our faces from ear to ear.

“Merry Christmas, baby.” - Joe

“Merry Christmas, goofball.” - you laughed

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Authors note: I felt like the fic needed a second part…. CHRISTMAS FICS ARE OFFICIALLY DONE.

This came from my own head! 🫶

Hope you enjoyed! 💕

#joe burrow #bengals #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow x reader #joey b #cincinnati bengals #joe burrow fan fic

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