#I know i'm rambling i just

[hobbitsetal]

I read an article* recently that examined Voddie Baucham’s theology of and general attitude toward parenting--the catchy “viper in a diaper” philosophy. It made me acutely aware that the longer we parent gently and the further we get from Reformed theology, the more grateful I am for my relationships with my son and my God, and the more strongly convicted I feel about never spanking.

I have concerns about parenting in general, certainly. Arthur is two, and is overall a sweet and amenable child. Overall, he listens pretty well: stops on walks when we call to him to wait, usually comes when we call his name, has learned to say “thank you” freely and is learning “please” and “help” as prompted. He’s empathetic, running to try to comfort any crying child he sees. We have only to express frustration to see him get upset in turn.

But will Cassian respond the same way? Probably not. While he kicks almost as much as his brother in the womb, and while he apparently has my knees and elbows, we know Cas is his own little person and will react differently to stimuli and challenges. And we, two and a half years into this adventure of parenting, have become different people and will meet certain of his behaviors differently than we met Arthur’s.

And, of course, we have the questions that only time can answer, of what will our boys be like as they grow older? How will they respond to our guidance when they are ten, teens, young adults?

Those are questions that God knows and we will learn in due time.

In the meantime, my son is not a viper in a diaper. He is an image-bearer of God, a tiny joy who loves snuggles and telling apples “bye-bye” as he throws them on the ground and who displays boundless and exhausting energy.

The doctrine of total depravity undermines, to me, our status as image-bearers of God. That image may be marred by sin, but it is not gone. Baucham and those who subscribe to similar theology treat children and the idea of original sin as if children are utter fools bent solely on their own sins, uninterested in doing the right thing unless their parents compel them to. And they discipline in accordance with that belief: they spank for nearly every infraction, they view children’s attitudes and responses as acts of wilful rebellion, they offer no quarter for the simple weaknesses of humanity.

They offer no grace. Ironic, for those who claim to hold to the tenets of grace.

I do not say this from an outside perspective. I was Reformed for a decade, and read theology extensively from within that worldview. As we continue evolving our beliefs, Alex and I have been rereading many books we once regarded highly, reading them now with a more critical eye and finding the flaws within them.

At the core, our entire worldview has shifted irreconcilably from the Reformed doctrines and the many foundational theologies assumed within it. We don’t hold to penal substitutionary atonement theory. We don’t hold a punitive view of justice. I’m not even sure we fully believe in original sin (a doctrine traceable to St. Augustine).

We believe more strongly in unconditional love. My behavior and my reactions shouldn’t be governed by my child’s behavior. When Arthur throws a tantrum because we told him no, when he melts down because he’s hangry or tired, my calling as his mother is to respond with the same patient love and care I give to him when he’s running to me to bestow hugs or kisses.

I believe that God displays unconditional love. No human is perfect. No human can ever hold perfect theology. So if I’m wrong in some of my beliefs, I believe ultimately it doesn’t matter. God sees my earnest desire to love well, to show love to others, my desire to hold to what is true and lovely and worthwhile. If I err in my behaviors and actions, God forgives and embraces, as I forgive and embrace my son.

I believe that God is love. The thread seen through the Bible is that He loves His people.

And if all of humanity is created in the image of God, are we not all His people?

That’s the point Jesus made with the parable of the Samaritan. That’s the point the apostle John makes in 1st John. And that is the point I hold before me in my dealings with my children.

As Christians, we are called to love, gentleness, kindness, compassion. We are told that love does not insist on its own way. How is hitting my child to enforce compliance in line with those teachings?

We are our children’s guides, shepherds, stewards. Shepherds don’t beat their sheep. And we do not beat our sons.

We seek to understand them. We know Arthur pretty well, and we can usually identify when his moods go south because he’s tired and needs to rest, or he needs food, or even when he’s being wild because he has no good outlet for his energy and needs to be allowed outside.

The parenting I grew up with, and was taught to parent with, would have me respond by teaching him that his needs are no excuse for poor behavior. I find that insensitive to a two year old’s situation. He’s still learning how to ask for help when he’s frustrated. How can I expect him to convey properly that he has ants in his little pants and desperately needs stimuli to entertain him? And why would I punish him for conveying, in his limited way, what he does want and need? He’s getting better at asking to go for walks. He will, with time, get better at regulating his emotions and not crying when he’s frustrated.

And he will get better as he sees us model these behaviors.

He learned “thank you” because we his parents say that frequently to each other. He’s learned to kiss and give hugs because we’re freely affectionate with him and each other. He’s learned empathy and compassion for others’ pain because we respond immediately to his crying.

Much of the parenting philosophy I grew up with decries “child-centered parenting,” from arranging social schedules around children’s nap times to adjusting our behaviors for their moods. But as I center my parenting around my son’s needs, I question that mindset deeply.

Arthur cannot help getting tired and hangry unless we help him manage his bodily needs. He cannot express to me, or even properly identify, when he becomes overwhelmed by big crowds and too much excitement. He just grows wild or starts freaking out over little things. It is our responsibility as his parents to recognize his weaknesses and his needs and to meet them.

It is our responsibility to consider his needs more important than our own. To love him as we love our own bodies. To do for him, the least of us, as we would care for God Himself. As Mary cared for God Himself.

As he grows older, his needs will shift and how we meet them will shift. As he develops, he’ll learn better to control his own responses, and we will begin to hold him responsible for his reactions to stimuli and how well he communicates to us and others what he needs. This is part of preparing him for life.

My mother told me, when I was a teenager, that hormonal shifts over the course of a month would affect my mood. I found that very helpful in checking my own reactions. Did I have a reason to be annoyed or was I PMSing? Should I be irritable or did I need rest? Checking my emotions and responses is a learned skill.

I cannot hold my son to standards I myself don’t adhere to. I’m not always cheerful or reasonable. Sometimes I respond to him in anger. Therefore, it is more incumbent on me to respond to my son’s anger with grace, and to teach him how to restore relationships in the aftermath of a relational injury.

We all must live with our humanity. And we must teach the littlest humans how to live with themselves and others with grace and love. If we respond to their needs by hitting them for expressing emotions or desires, what do we teach them but that they are inconvenient and should not express themselves?

And what do we teach them of the image of God, and of the God in Whose image we are made?

*tw for discussions of child abuse. The article itself is very good: https://www.csbvbristol.org.uk/2020/06/01/the-child-as-viper/

[lazylittledragon]

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

[technically-human]

Hey, don't cry. Ghost yuri, okay?

(Now that you know the girls, they need to meet the boys!)

[somnimagus]

My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.

[id in alt text]

[cangrellesteponme]

wife

[simplenefelibata]

as much as i love sam knowing about destiel before dean does, there's something about "i mean yeah my brother and his angel best friend are really weird about each other, live together, co-parent a kid, nearly kill themselves every time the other is gone, stand too close and stare at the other's mouth while they talk, but i mean to each their own i guess??" that's so special to me

[frownyalfred]

thinking about a Damian who was raised his entire life hearing how much he looks like his Father, how he's the blood son, how he's better than any other child Bruce Wayne has taken in, starting to buy into it like a kid does, only to hit puberty and turn out looking like 80% Talia.

[babacontainsmultitudes]

RIP Will Campos the only person who was murdered this episode.

[chalkrub]

thank you for a great art fight! here's some of my final attacks. had a blast, already missing it - see you next year!

[lazylittledragon]

i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen

[allthefakepeople]

edwin clutching his heart after the hug with charles in ep 5 (and subsequently realizing his feelings) vs charles clutching his heart after the hug with edwin in ep 8... that is all

[aethersea]

I've always wanted to learn bookbinding, ever since I was a wee little nerd, but there are a lot of things I've always wanted to learn, and this one has both a daunting upfront materials cost and a daunting upfront research cost. however, my sister is a jewel among siblings and gave me for christmas last year a handy dandy bookbinding manual, a block of good paper, and a little bag of tools.

but I still didn't have a suitable workspace, nor any of the many important tools and materials that she didn't include in her gift. so I just read the manual and pined. until maybe a month ago I got fed up with pining, flattened a cardboard box for a cutting mat, and went to town.

and I'm real proud of myself, so here's me rambling, plus photos!

I went to the thrift store and got glue + some fabric to bind the cover, went to Michaels for a paintbrush (and later went back for a metal ruler lmao it's amazing how useful it is to have a straightedge for cutting the paper), and...could not find material for the cover boards. so I went home and pined some more. but the urges were too strong, so after a couple hours of moping I got a stack of printer paper at the grocery store (I could not bring myself to use the good paper for my first, inevitably weak attempts, I just couldn't do it) and started making a little booklet. which was a great idea, it turned out, since it makes for good practice with cutting the paper, measuring things, punching holes in the signatures, etc.

I have a big box of greeting cards from Michaels, which I used for the covers. it didn't feel like I was making a Real Book, so I got some colored paper from the stationery store and used that for end papers.

so fancy~

galvanized by this success, I ordered a stack of chipboard online to use for cover boards; and once I was confident that I could cut paper without making it look too stupid (getting that straightedge ruler sure helped lol), I made signatures out of the good paper, left them under some heavy books overnight since I don't have a book press, and then punched holes in them! (huzzah for this nice video on getting the holes right)

my sister's gift included good linen thread. it's unwaxed, but after some poking around on r/bookbinding it looks like that just means I'll have to be more careful to avoid tangles and keep good tension. I am fine with this. I can be extra attentive. (I considered just running it over a beeswax candle, but one commenter said if your wax has paraffin in it, it could melt in a hot car, ruining the spine. I can't guarantee my candle is 100% beeswax, I didn't make it, so maybe we just move on.)

I don't have good linen fabric to use for the tapes, but the important part there is that the fabric be thin, sturdy, and not stretchy. the probably-cotton I got from the thrift store fits the bill, so it'll do!

this is a french link stitch, which I got from this exceedingly good tutorial. apparently it's strong enough on its own that for a book of this size, I don't actually need tapes, but I'd already cut the things so eh here we are. and tapes plus french link will make it a stronger binding still (according to a friendly redditor on r/bookbinding), so we carry on.

specifically we carry on to the gluing step. now as I mentioned, I do not have a book press, and you....kinda need one for this step. you need to hold the book block in place with the signatures facing upwards, pressed together hard enough that the glue won't run down between them and stick the pages together (though you do want the glue to get between them just a little, just for like a 16th of an inch). you at least need some clamps and a couple boards to sandwich the book block with.

but you know what? I'm not a professional, this is my first ever book, if it's a little bit off it'll be fine. so we grab all the heaviest books off the bookshelf and improvise.

it's fine! I'm sure it's fine! and just in case it's not, I've tucked a bit of cardboard underneath to catch any glue that drips down so it won't land on the floor. see? I'm prepared! I'm acing this.

and actually, it really was fine. I used clear elmer's glue, applied with a flat paintbrush from the art supplies aisle at Michael's, and frankly I liked the way the flat paintbrush let me slip glue in between the signatures. I did poke around on a couple bookbinding sites to see what kind of glue I should use, and the gist is that although there are better options than this, elmer's glue is perfectly serviceable, and the main downside is it's not archival grade. but I don't need my first bookbinding attempts to last 200 years, that's fine.

the next step is to add the mull. mull is a specific type of fabric – extremely loose-weave linen – and the idea is to paste it down over the spine to essentially hold the tapes and signatures all in place in relation to each other.

but I don't have mull! so I'm using more of the thrift store probably-cotton, because it's thin enough and not really stretchy at all. I'm sure this will be fine too. I painted a layer of glue onto the spine, then left it to dry a bit while I measured and cut the fabric, then painted a generous stripe of glue down the center, where it'll affix onto the spine. then I added a bit more glue to the spine, just to be sure, and pressed the mull into place, rubbing it thoroughly to make sure it's firmly affixed to every signature, with no creases in the fabric or air bubbles beneath it.

honestly I might have overdone it on the glue. I've never done this before, I don't know! I think it's okay, though – I tried not to ever let it become a thick layer, just a slight coating, since the danger of too much glue is that it might crack once dry and weaken the spine.

and now we leave it in the press overnight to dry, and pick up the next step in the morning!

[sketchy-tour]

HELLO HI HELLO I AM!!! RECOVERING CURRENTLY!!!!

So I haven't posted in a small moment and planned to get myself going again soon but right now I am recovering from an accident (I won't get into the nitty gritty) that has left me quite shaken. FIRST OFF I AM OKAY! Minor injuries so nothing alarming I am physically fine besides being sore for a bit and some scrapes and bruises that are still healing, including my arms which is making drawing a bit difficult. I'm slowly getting better but cant really draw for long periods and honestly I might not draw much for a bit till I feel better both physically and mentally. its the mentally part that might take some time. But I'm resting, rest assured!

ANYWAY this is more just an update cause I know i've been a lil absent. ESPECIALLY after this accident. I'm not abandoning the blog by any means, def still check on tumblr but couldn't seem to muster the energy to interact with much at the moment as my brain is a little rattled up.

I hope yall are all okay! I hope your days are bright and yall are taking care of yourselves!

I promise I'm doing what I can to take care of me!

[kaiserouo]

Well someone has to give it its driver updates, Gabriel

[demaparbat-hp]

Almost

[itachanta]

Highly specific gifset of Vash's angry face because we all love when our sweet blorbo goes 😠