#I just. wish I could fall in love again
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Imma be honest for a second—I don’t think I want a black and white remake for the switch. I just want to experience it for the first time again
#meows#black and white means a lot to me#first pokemon game I was allowed to have#I mean idk maybe pokemon will surprise me!#maybe it’ll be a continuation of the story!#i haven’t finished (meaning I haven’t defeated the league)#any Pokémon game since I think sun and moon#the furthest I’ve gotten on the switch games#is with Sword and Shield. but even then I’m maybe halfway#how much of it is how busy I am nowadays#how much of it is depression?#and how much is actually to blame on the games themselves?#I still love Pokémon with all my heart don’t misunderstand me#I just. wish I could fall in love again
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hang on i'm once again thinking about house being stupid with love. stacy moved in with him a week after meeting him. that's HUGE change. could you imagine how much he'd have to be obsessing over her to make HIS home THEIR home??? and he still wasn't over her 5+ years later after everything either.
(and like. i wonder if there was ever a moment there for wilson where he's watching house and stacy be so witty and beautiful and in love together and thinking to himself, huh. so this is what that feels like.)
#house md#stacy warner#gregory house#james wilson#i'm hacking into this man's brain rn#this man who argues the validity and existence of love he could probably fall in love in a day if he let himself#and while it's not marriage it's certainly not nothing for wilson to watch play out#do you think he was happy for him? did he tell him to slow down?#it was before the infarction so maybe. well maybe house was still an infallible figure to him#always five moves ahead so uniquely capable of handling any challenge and stubborn enough to prove it#hell he was probably more active than wilson the guy can't stay still sometimes#i'm just. hmmm. now i am once again wishing we could have had some flashback episode or something#i wanna know what everyone was LIKE before pre-infarction#how did his relationship with cuddy change how did his relationship with wilson >#(who will risk his own security TIME AND TIME AGAIN for house's benefit) become what it is#where they maybe............ a little more normal friends??? or is that too crazy to consider
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actual footage of Maximus surrounded by the flames of my desire for him
#i was so excited to screencap this scene :D#i have multiple sets that i’ll be publishing and i am just#on the floor panting begging for some mercy from him honestly#there has NEVER been such a man#i simp for maximus at every stage of the movie but#general maximus is special#he’s so in control and in charge and strong and capable and competent#and authoritative and powerful and strong and courageous AAHHHHHH#i want him to take charge of me ifyouknowwhatimean#he’s so stunning in these shots#framed by the fires standing among the men he’s killed#mourning for the men he has lost#just taking a moment to realize that he’s survived again and he’s got so much work ahead of him still#but this is his last battle and he’s done now#ohhhh how i wish this had been his last battle#how i wish he had gone home and spent every day in the arms of his family#how i wish he could have brought life from the earth instead of being forced to take even more lives#he is so precious to me#so dear so wonderful so adored#i love him with all my soul#i wish i could be waiting for him in his tent#let him fall asleep in my lap while i stroke his hair and sing to him#I WANT TO LOVE HIM SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME LOVE THIS PERFECT AND PRECIOUS MAN#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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OH! IT WASN'T SLEEPING WITH BUFFY THAT MADE ANGEL LOSE HIS SOUL! IT WAS SIMPLY BEING WITH HER AFTER! OH! OH GOD HE WAS JUST SO PERFECTLY HAPPY TO QUIETLY LOVE HER THAT'S WHY HE NEVER— THE DISTANCE. THE DRAWER THING. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW
#one of my most despised bangel scenes is him getting weird about her wanting to have a space for her stuff in his place#but I get it now. oughhhh#in ats they always fucking joke about how angel can't have sex BUT THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE#IT WAS THE AFTER </333#if I remember correctly he was asleep when it happened which is... weird. but I can fully take this as him falling asleep perfectly happy#like it makes sense to me. I get it. I'm too tired to explain this#man even having friends could be dangerous for him.....#angel my angel :((((#god angel's such a little bitch I wish he'd just left her properly instead of haunting her#cause his love was absolutely tainted. he COULDN'T love her anymore never like that again#it was just cruel to both of them the way he was#...is this bangel? am I bangel posting? whatever I'm having a moment here#bangel#angel btvs#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer
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it's been over a week but i legit haven't stopped thinking about this
#because i think it doesn't just apply to book publishing but really any kind of writing#including fanfiction#especially in current fandom times when everything feels just so fast paced#and it's SO easy to fall into this whole mindset of believing you gotta keep up with this pace#a lot of smart people have said a lot of smart things about the current state of fandom and i won't fall into a rant here#but i too often have to remind myself that me writing is supposed to be fun and not a fucking race#that i'm not competing with anyone#that i'm not creating 'content' to be consumed like some fast food#that there's no such thing as a flop fic if it was written with love and drive behind it#and yeah the jealousy man#it's an ugly feeling no matter which end you're on#comparison is a knife which we inevitably walk into#i love my writer friends to death and i will always always always cheer for them bc no one else will get this#but we're all just humans with very real and sometimes ugly emotions and i wish we could talk about this more openly#at the end of the day we want to be seen and acknowledged and we're our very own worst critics#ugh i have too many thoughts about this all#i need to lie down and feel normal again#lale.txt
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holy fucking shit that scene with firefly and stelle. stelle praying before the bomb went off and sparkle shoved her off the railing. the fireworks. the way firefly caught and carried stelle and the fact that she was still holding her even after leaving the SAM suit. the hand holding. the way they spun around. the laughter. the joy and love on their faces. AAAAAAACK I FEEL ILL
#I WISH OBS DIDN'T HATE HSR SO I COULD HAVE RECORDED THAT#THAT WAS BEAUTIFULLLLLLLL#HOLY FUCK#YEAH NO ONE'S ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT FIREFLY AND THE TRAILBLAZER'S IN-GAME ROMANTIC TENSION EVER AGAIN#THAT#FUCK#FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#3IQ2TH934Y0HUERJPOSLGDBGF#ahhhhh all the farewells... fuck#this was a good update. much shorter than the last few have been but that's okay i'm really happy rn#beautiful. stunning. what a lovely send off#i hope a piano falls on me and flattens me likea pancake#i think i need to go digest everything... but i really enjoyed that#ALSO THE ENDING? *JADE* LET SUNDAY GO? WHAT'S HAPPENING HTERE I'M SCARED#what the fuck was sparkle's problem. girl did you do all that just to get stelle and firefly to have that sweet romantic moment#??????????????#i wishi could put images in tags. i would put one more of the above image in here. pretend i did ok
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god is swuarshing me beneath his thumb like i am an aphid or perhaps a clover mite. yeah. its slow and painful and im small. and also meek
#just me rambling again#guys. guys i have been just barely scraping by for what feels like so long it's genuinely so overwhelming and confusing and just very#unsettling for me to be having good feelings especially like.. big ones#i kind of feel like im dying ?? not actually physically but my entire brain just really doesn't know what to do#ive got some rational anxieties but also a lot of really stupid small ones just that are so all over my brain#and the cause feels so stupid. ok cool so ur falling for one of ur friends. happens. ok so same friend VERY OBVIOUSLY likes you too. ok ok#a little weirder but something that has happened before#but there's just so much in mybrain anxious abt stuff (ive been forgetting to take my anxiety meds a lot the past week(#idk i just feel like somehow it's not fair to them??#like. being with me or me trying to maybe be with them feels like... im taking away something from them or from their life#even tho we literally talked last night abt dates we really really wish we could go on#and how we obviously would just work well together we're compatible in basically every way#it also would be low pressure not heavy commitment because at the end of the summer we're both planning to move for college things#and she's looking at colleges in New York and nyc and im looking at colleges in oregon or Washington#so yeah.. literally across the entire country from each other#but that almost scares me more bc i have the it will come back hozier type of attachment issues where it's so so difficult for me to ever#let go of things once ive latched on (everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it or whatever) and i really don't want to leave my#claw marks in them bc like. god i really would adore having a thing for however many months we have but im so goddamn scared#that im either not going to be able to let go or one of us is going to detach well before we leave bc thats a reasonable emotional response#and thatll be it's own hell#but also#im 18 almost 19 (and i will make clear that they're in the year below me which also makes me feel really bad but that's a whole other can o#worms there) and its been a long while since ive just. let myself LIVE. ive been the shell of a man for months now. maybe another#stupid and wonderful and beautiful and terrible teenage romance wouldnt be the end of the world.#hell i was so convinced i would never ever ever not be in love with my more recent ex girlfriend and i still love her as a person but im#definitely not still in love with her and our splitting hurt but it was something that i was able to cope with and grow through#idk im rambling a lot longer than i have in a while i just have a lot of feelings right now.#i want to kiss them (again and more) i want to go to a stupid drive in movie and go to museums together and a picnic and all the shit that#we talked about last night and we both love in similar ways and feel our feelings really big and unapologetically#idk i have so much to say but running out of tags on here. double date maybe on friday ? we'll see what happens i guess.
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Anybody know how to get rid of a curse 😭
#throwback to when i was a kid and my mother the monster that she is wished upon me to never be happy just as she isn't#and that i should never be granted love or happiness. just like her.#this happened repeatedly#my heart gets broken over and over while ppl around me find love and get to keep it and be happy#i feel so fucking broken. like im literally not a person. idk what im doing wrong#i love my friends' love. im genuinely happy to see them thrive#ive been alone and yearning for a quarter of a century#i cant take it anymore#of course i had to fall in love with someone who wont be with me#thats the easiest way to make sure im fucked up and alone for as long as possible#and it's happened several times#they may love me but they cant be w me#I'm literally so fucking sad#the one person who was gonna make it work. i made them hate me bc of some huge misunderstanding abt the nature of our relationship#i miss them the most in the whole world. i think about them constantly. biggest regret of my life#the grief of it all is eating me alive. i keep getting close to being happy n in love and. dare i say it. loved#and then its all getting ripped away from me. again and again#every day it hurts and it makes me paralysed and i cant do shit or be who i want. i wish i could b sedated forever#goodnight lol
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I wanna pick up a girl and pin her against a wall and give her lots of lil smooches while we giggle like the little gay goblin gremlins that we are
#thoughts#oni talks#sapphic yearning#oni has a crush#not really targeted but idk I wish I was buff so bad bro#the lesbian short person madness is getting to me I think#I want to bridal carry the love of my life plz thank#why workout why no just be buff lesbian already :(#also to be able to do those dramatic ass romantic dips during dancing#want the gorl to know I am stronq reliable and will never drop her (unless she wants me to in a safe manner)#this is why I fucking love water I get to be as buff as I want I can carry gorl no problem I can carry anybody in water I can be buff as fuc#I do also wish my arms were bigger so I could more effectively wrap them around people sometimes but that’s separate#maybe it’s just coz I had more alcohol than normal today but the YEARNING IS GETTING TO ME YALL#I wanna write lesbian music again so bad I wanna shoot gay little music videos with my paramour#sleeby bedtime where we read each other sapphic stories as they fall asleep in my lap or give versa or smth#but also girls in lap!!!! so perfect 1000/10 also just I wanna be buff so baddddddd#ship dynamics#idk if it counts but I feel like someone could make ship art with these ideas so sure#I wanna be good at dancing so I can be like a little lesbian doing the rose thing in the most dramatically gay way possible#I’m gonna be a Gay lil cowboy tomorrow for pride and the urge to dramatically tip my hat in lesbian is gonna be so strong
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HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!
#dexdark#dexter's laboratory#dexter's lab#dexter#mandark#flame draws#every year they stayed up and wish each other a happy new year ever since they were young#even when they rivals although it seemed more mocking. they were lonely and did it anyway and it tumbled into a tradition from then on#each year passing their wishes of a new year turned softer. this year? the same tradition. they've tried to stay up but they were much olde#staying up late is difficult when you're so tired from the entire year crashing on you#they fell asleep right before the clock hit. and when it did it only it only woke Mandark. who quickly turned it of to let his husband#have a few more winks of sleep and kissed his forehead and joining his love in sleep once again#dexter love mandark's stubble and giving chin scratches that dark relishes in. make him fall warm and fluffy inside#i mostly drew it to show they were older. hope it showed#soft sleepy kisses are one of my favorites#also mandark drools in his sleep#there could have been a much sadder verison of this >:> but lets have fluff lmao#there was several verison of this! dexter waking first and giving the kiss. mandark trying to wake up dexter before the clock hit#only to be too sleepy and kiss him on the lips quickly before passing out again then the clock hits while mandark is dumbfounded.#just quickly threw colors around lol i hope it looks fine#it was a really good year for art I grew so much since then. mentally and artistically#hope to be here for a very long time. you cant get rid of me easily#my resolution? to spam that tag till it's a overflowing bucket in my free time and explore more fandoms :D#also maybe lessen my rambles in tags. . .
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stressing out about Mental shit that isn’t even happening Monday
#i’m trying to sleep what is going on#I wake up at 7 it’s 12:38 I can’t be doing this I’m sensitive to low sleep#I wish I could be someone with having around but I’m not and I won’t ever be#I’m just always a guest everyone is hosting against their will#I shouldn’t even be here but I can’t leave because I know this whole thing is illogical and I’m loved but I shouldn’t be#I know I’ll be over this by tomorrow and I don’t know why it’s happening#this is why Kaneki would not want me#one of many reasons#I’m so sorry he has to be associated with me sometimes I’m glad he doesn’t know#Kaneki deserves so so much better and I can’t give him anything without it being tainted with Me#I just want to love him but he’d hate it he’d be so disgusted and me being upset would only make it worse#and it’s the only thing I’m good for#I want to give him everything but he wouldn’t even want it am I falling into the same hole as last year again#I just started but I get paralysed with a weird feeling in my chest and have more motivation to work for him than before#but then the paralysis happens when I’m trying to be productive !!#I want to do well this year so bad bc it actually counts now but I already feel strange#I just want to be normal and have Kaneki but I can’t have both so I have neither
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~groovy~
#I've had so much homework I'm just now watching last friday's episode :')#the way home hallmark#earl crow ramblings#cyrus nightmares!! we love to see it!!#jacob having nightmares and then there's kat who's having the time of her life#that flick of a half smile jacob has when lewis greeted him at lingermore is just. so relatable#and also aughhhhhh#as much as I don't care for evelyn she and also lingermore are such a vibe#“the children don't seem scared of the white witch she seems to be protecting them” they could lean so deep into the uncanniness#of this town#hey lewis why did you say produce like that#that wide shot of del on one side of the pool and colton on the other and waterloo playing in the background is just. omw. VIBES#and no wonder colton was down bad for her she's gorgeous she has this like…elegance#“what do you think of them colton” I felt the knife edge on that#“of course yeah it's copacetic” that whole bit was so funny#“welcome to lingermore” ouugghhhhh#though idk cyrus doesn't seem as ominous as I wish he were. there's just something about him that makes me go ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#it's a shame#I CONTAIN MULTITUDES#waittttttt boats remember the boat (old) colton fixed up in season one#alice being like ohhhh. oh I'm here for you o.o#young del on the dock had no idea that one day she'd have a son who'd accidentally fall into a pond that brings him back to 1790#where he grows up and is later captured and tortured before he returns shattered to the present again#you get what I'm saying?? she had NO idea—neither of them did—and that makes me kinda wild#elliot. elliot your 100 year old oak wood floors.#2025?? did not expect them to be so current#alice is all dressed up and looks nice and noah is just?? wearing a very mid jacket??#I think noah should end up with max mostly so alice can find someone better okay that's my hot take of the episode
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// Happy Heavensward Day! My FAVORITE expansion, period, of FFXIV! <3
#[ just ask my bestie/adriel. i say REPEATEDLY that i wish i could experience heavensward for the first time again#it's really what made me fall in love with ffxiv#the locations. the cast. the MUSIC. all of it! ]#ooc ; out of character
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The Beginning and the End
Oh how I miss it. Can't believe it's been like 8 months...
#i've played red war and every dlc#final shape really felt so final#it was such an emotional experience#i wish i could wipe my memory and do it all over again#play red war for the first time#fall in love with the game as soon as journey starts playing#as soon as the second cutscene even#fall in love with cayde again#travel to mercury and mars#moon's haunted#learn how to wield darkness#feel the loss and grief of all the content gone#learn how to wield even more darkness#play dungeons and raids#learn how to shatter skate#learn how to well skate#learn how to titan#learn how to pvp (hah no i still haven't)#i love this game so much and always will#i just hope it can survive the real life company issues and the post-final-chapter burn out#because that is real#just like after endgame#destiny the game#destiny 2#screenshots#game screenshots
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rip my mom casually asking me what the worst shakespeare take i’ve ever heard was and unlocking a two hour rant at 3 am
#ive taken many shakespeare courses#and spoken casually about his plays with Many People™️#and read Way too many articles#i have heard more shit tier ass shakespeare takes than i would ever wish upon anyone#my least favorite does actually come from this website though <3#tumblr win (?)#i love it here but sometimes oooooohhh boy#i dont usually get worked up with any sort of disagreeing opinion#and im very good at being level headed about things in general#but GOD nothing gets on my nerves faster than shit takes about shakespeare#or just reading or learning in general#like ooohhh boy#my mom has a knack for asking me dangerous questions at inopportune moments#im half convinced she likes asking me about shakespeare when shes going to sleep#because my incessant chattering bores her enough to fall asleep easier😑#rude if true because i was repressing those takes and now that im thinking about them again IM too annoyed to sleep😤#god i wish i could be normal about shakespeare im so annoying#im So pretentious never speak to me
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Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it
#like I dont think he would REALLY miss the rich ceo lifestyle bc i dont see it as smth he ASPIRES to but as a means to give himself power#if you (jun) somehow manage to convince him that he does not actually NEED power then i think hes adaptable enough to ajust to a humble life#and the whole being rich thing fed into his worst traits#but I think being close to jun all the time would be torture for him bc he would CONSTANTLY be confronted to his own faulty morality#he cant help feeling above other common people bc he endured much more pain and hardships at 5yo than them in a lifestyle-#but he cannot act on his superiority complex about them bc Its Not The Right Thing To Do#he looks at his newborn son and feel *nothing* before feeling frustration and irritation toward *himself*#bc hes smart enough to know he SHOULD be feeling smth#and if he relunctantly admit this to jun she would tell him that if the best he can do (for now) is to not wish or do any harm on jin-#then it is good enough and he should not beat himself up about it (which he doesnt. but he does)#and even jun. she is another person he could lose and he knows deep down he would be happier without her#but being near her bring back to life smth that died years ago at the bottom of that cliff#and he wont admit it but hes scared to lose it again. even if right now its brings him nothing but discomfort and pain#hes not even sure if he *loves* her. and when he asks her whats in it for her. why she stays with him#(not out of self-consciousness but genuine confusion) she just smiles at him because he IS considering the feelings of someone else#like she is so understanding and he genuinely does try and its a really slow healing process#hes still gonna stay a little bit of a prick smug at times but at least he will be immensely more chill out#and even maybe fall in love with jun *jun* down the line. characters that fall in love with each other years into the relationship👍#and his whole exploration of fatherhood with jin. him vaguely recalling smth nice jinpachi (or god forbid. HEIHACHI pre-cliff) did to him#and doing the same to jin out of the blue for the sake of experimentation#and jin's positive reaction making him FINALLY AT LAST feel some tiny tiny thing for his son.#also for all her tree-hugger talk. jun is right meditating in the forest DOES help kaz a lot#anyway. yeah👍#tagging later#tekken
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