#I just think it would be nice if there was a masc gay person I could talk to who like understands my unique experience | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

oracle-of-dream · 9 months ago

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I LOVEEEEE your writing sm especially the riize nct and enha ones (frankly cause i only write fics of them) THE SUNGCHAN ONE I LOVEEEE it and i also love the emha series i hope it doesnt get shelved <//3 BUT ALSO SWEETNESS i hope you inspire alot of writers cause istg the riize x male reader space is SO SMALL LIKE theres probably 3 and 1 just uses the tag cause a riize member is a second lead and even the enha x male reader its suddenly all dead apparently

if you dont mind also i love the sungchan x male reader fic you did i requested it help but i cant really relate to it cause a. my fem ass cant and b. will NEVER work out fuck weights so if you can you dont have to have smut where an insecure fem gay reader thinking sungchan might not be into him cause hes either het or into masc gays so his shock when he confessed he was into him you could decide anything else thank youuuuuu

An interesting request! I don't really think about if the male POV is providing a masc or fem vibe, more that they're male. I don't really describe physical characteristics for the male POV so they're a blank slate, but I think I'll give this a shot! I may... change things a little though. As for my other work, thank you so much for liking it! I want to continue the Enha work, but I added more to my plate so I need to catch up!

Unexpected

PLEASE READ WARNINGS CLOSELY, TRIGGER WARNINGS

Summary: You've always tried to be closed off to the world around you, as hateful as it is. But one person seems to shine better than the rest, Sungchan is the only person who understands you.

Warnings: Male Reader, Attempted SA, Bullying, Homophobia, Forced undressing, Violence

Wordcount: 2.2k

Your forehead grew colder as you laid your head on the desk, looking out the window. Students laughed and talked all around you but you couldn't hear anyone. Birds in the sky, students coming to school, teachers giving lectures were all irrelevant to you when he was around... Sungchan, one of the more popular students in your class sat across the room from you. You'd known him since you were little but always kept your distance, never trying to enter his bubble.

Being openly gay put a target on your back, but you were happy not to have to hide that about yourself from anyone. The beatings were something to hide from. Most of the time you'd been picked on for being "girly", or talking funny, or some would beat you up for looking gay.

But not Sungchan. He always treated you so kindly. He'd offer his jacket, leave a snack on your desk between classes, and smile at you as you passed him in the hallway.

Your heart flew anytime you saw him. But you also knew he was just being nice. Because he's a nice person. Other than being nice, he was another straight guy who put up a front to look good in front of the girls who swooned over him. Even though you couldn't stop yourself from glancing at him, you couldn't risk your heart. You'd imagined it; asking Sungchan out and seeing the disgusted look on his face as he pushed you away, probably running off to tell everyone what you'd done.

"Y/n, you'll be partnered with Sungchan for the assignment. Now that everyone's been assigned a partner, I expect it to be done and ready to be turned in by tomorrow!" Your teacher's words snapped you out of your horrible daydream. You looked around to try and catch what you'd missed. A partner assignment, some sort of book report, and you had to be partnered with him–of all people.

You tried to pack your things quickly, maybe if you rushed out the door before he caught you–

"Y/n! We're partners!" Sungchan spoke to you cheerfully as he sat in the empty seat near you.

You lowered your head and looked at him. "Yes, seems so," You mumbled.

"We were assigned about LGBTQ rights for the book report."

You rolled your eyes. Of course, you have to report on LGBTQ rights. You sighed as you packed your things into your bag, ignoring Sungchan, and headed for the door.

He followed you closely. "So did you want to meet up somewhere? Like a cafe? Or even my place?"

Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of you, alone with Sungchan at his house. But you steeled your resolve. "You shouldn't stand so close to me, they might hate you too," You said as you walked a little faster to gain some distance.

Sungchan's long legs made it too easy to keep at your heels. "Hate me too? Someone hates you, who?"

You shrugged. "Every girl who sees me talking with you, and maybe almost every boy in the school."

"Why?"

"Don't be irritating."

"I'm not trying to be, I just want to understand!" Sungchan tried to step in front of you but you sidestepped him.

You looked over your shoulder at him. "Don't. You'll ruin things for yourself, and I'll get the worst of the hate."

Sungchan grabbed the back of your bag, pulling you to him as you tried to walk off. "At least give me your number to talk about the project. Then I'll let you go." Eyes started landing on you as Sungchan held you in place. You could hear them laughing, and teasing, and the sneers on their faces were like always. You quickly and softly told Sungchan your number, with just enough time to run before he could reply.

You ran out the school doors, around the corner, and down a few blocks. Your chest heaved to catch the air it lost, but you kept walking to put more distance between you and school. You were safer that way. Eventually, you felt calm enough to stop rushing and listened to music the rest of the way home. Music made school bearable–the whole world fell silent and moved at the pace of your songs.

Around the corner from your house, you felt a sharp tug on the back of your bag–strong enough to knock you off your feet. You hit the ground and turned to see boys from your school, they were playing basketball with Sungchan...

"Stay the hell away from Sungchan, Fag!" One shouted.

The others shouted similar comments as you tried to stay low, not looking up at them. It was better not to look at them.

You tried to crawl away but felt a sharp pain in your side as a foot collided with your side, making you crumple to the ground. The air knocked out of you as you tried not to spit up on the sidewalk.

"You think you can leave!? Gonna cry to Sungchan? Wait, what if he's turned Sungchan gay!?"

Your skin ran cold. You knew people who hated you for you, but you hated it when people hated others for who you were.

"He's not gay, he was just helping me," You groaned.

"Defending your boyfriend now? Sungchan must be gay like you–he'll even try to fuck us!" Another blow to your stomach as the boys started to crowd around you, dragging you into an alley. You were so close to home, to safety. But you could see your street getting smaller as they pulled you away, without the strength to fight back.

"W-What do we do now?" The boys chatted with each other about what to do with you now that they had you. You'd been tied up tightly with shoelaces and leaned against a wall while they huddled in a circle. "Well... We could–" The boys got quieter as they listened to the idea. Then their attention turned to you. Fear climbed up like a spider as two boys tried pulling off your pants.

"What the fuck!? Don't touch me!" You kicked at them but others joined in to restrain you.

Tears streamed down your face in fear and embarrassment as your pants were cast aside, leaving you in your underwear. The boys hesitated as they looked around, down the alley, and back at you. Your eyes were full of hate as you waited for their next move. One turned on their camera and started filming as two others slid down their pants. "Just open your mouth, gay boy. You've gone through this before, haven't you? If you want to be a girl so bad, then we'll make you one."

You squirmed and cried, your eyes closed. You were helpless as these guys were about to have their way with you, recording every second. You couldn't do anything but cry as your heart pleaded for someone. Anyone. Help!

"Hey! What the fuck are you doing to him!?"

Your eyes shot open to see Sungchan running down the alley at full speed. He jumped and kicked the closest guy, knocking him on the ground, and started punching his way to you. It wasn't long before they gave up and ran away, leaving you behind.

Sungchan chased the group a bit before turning back to you. He threw his jacket over your legs. "Are you okay? You hurt?"

You nod. "I'm fine," Your voice was weak and shaky.

Sungchan untied you and helped you to your feet. You couldn't help but feel mortified as you were half-naked in front of him, but you were grateful he saved you when he did.

"Thank you," You said softly. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him, it was too embarrassing, but you could feel his eyes scanning you.

"Is your house nearby? Or should we go to my house, it's close. I can run and get you pants."

You shook your head, "My house is around the corner."

Sungchan started unbuttoning his pants, making you panic and turn around. "What are you doing!?" You shouted.

"You can't walk around without pants."

"W-What about you!?"

"You can give them back when we get to your place."

You felt Sungchan's pants fall onto your shoulder, still warm from their owner. You went to uncover yourself but stopped. "Can you look away please?"

"Right!" Sungchan turned around as he waited for you to change.

Once you slipped on his pants, which were much larger than you expected and sagged around your waist, you hit his arm. "Let's go, you perv."

"How am I a perv!?"

You didn't respond as you led him to your house, cautious of any neighbors who may be watching. Thankfully your parents were out of town, so no one could've been home to see you bringing in a handsome half-naked man with you. Inside, you took Sungchan to your bedroom and let him sit on your bed as you changed into other clothes. You also gave him his pants back.

"Thank you again, for saving me," You say as you sit on the bed.

"It's not a problem. You needed help and my body just moved." Sungchan made a gesture like he was being pulled forward.

"You're not my neighbor, or even in my neighborhood, so how did I get so lucky to have you save me?"

Sungchan's face turned pinkish. "Well, we have the project and we needed to finish it. I asked if anyone knew where you lived and the teacher gave it to me," Sungchan played with his shirt while explaining.

"That's very illegal for the teacher to do. But since it saved me, I'll skip on suing. And you could've just called me!"

"I-I don't know! I just wanted to see you again and I felt like you would've told me where you lived if I'd asked."

Your heart skipped. Sungchan wanted to see you.

"And I'll make sure those guys never bother you again," Sungchan's expression darkened at the thought of the boys who'd jumped you. "I just don't understand why they'd do it."

You laughed wryly, "They thought I turned you gay and that you were my boyfriend. Saying we're both gay and that we'd turn all the other boys gay..."

"Why would they–"

"It doesn't matter. You don't see me like that, so I don't have a chance." You cut him off sharply, the pain in your chest was too much. Having to say out loud that you had no chance with Sungchan made your heart crumble.

"And if you did have a chance?" Sungchan scooted closer to you.

"What?"

"If you had a chance to ask me out. Would you?"

You blushed. "I-I don't know. Maybe!"

Sungchan leaned closer toward you. "Would I have a chance if I asked you out?"

Your heart raced, your palms sweaty, and your eyes could only see Sungchan's sweet face. "Um, maybe?"

"I'll try something, and if either of us don't like it then we can stop," Sungchan suggested, looking in your eyes for confirmation. You nodded slowly, allowing Sungchan to initiate a kiss. First a peck, then moving into a full-blown kiss. His hand found your waist as he pulled you closer to him, making you yelp which he used as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Your hands gripped his shoulders as his tongue explored you, meeting your tongue, and earning excited twitches from you. When you separated, a single strand of spit connected you before it broke. "How do you feel?" Sungchan asked.

You nodded. "I liked it, a lot."

"Then, can we kiss more often? As boyfriends?"

You jumped to your feet on instinct. "But you're straight!"

He shrugged, "Bisexual if you need an argument."

"So you mean?"

Sungchan laughed. "I've been into you since we were kids. I never knew it was something more than feeling strongly about a friend. When we hit middle school, I realized I had a crush on you but you started distancing yourself from me. And by the time we hit high school, you treated me almost like a stranger... I thought I'd done something wrong."

"I was only avoiding you because I knew I was gay and had a crush on you!"

Sungchan kissed your lips. "Then we both learned something." You giggled as Sungchan attacked you with kisses, tackling you into the bed as he cuddled you. "I think I've been in love with you for a while, and being this close to you is making my body crazy..."

You tensed. "You mean like..." Sungchan nodded, his breathing heavy as his eyes focused on your lips. "We should take things a little slower, right?" You pushed Sungchan off you, as he whined.

"Of course, whatever you want, babe."

"B-Babe?!"

Sungchan smiled. "I need to call you a nickname now. I'll keep trying more until we find something you get attached to." You rolled your eyes, embarrassed. Sungchan picked up his backpack and pulled out his textbook. "Let's knock this report out, then we can cuddle."

The next day after Sungchan had gone home, your phone blew up with texts. He was constantly checking in with you, making sure you were alright. He even sent a text of the group of boys, kneeling in the principal's office as a punishment while they got yelled at.

Everything seemed brighter and better with Sungchan. And he loved to show you off, holding your hands in the halls to tell everyone about the unexpected change. No one dared to speak out against Sungchan, so you spent more time at school learning rather than running...

#oracle of dreams #kpop x male reader #x male reader #x reader #kpop male reader #riize sungchan #riize #riize x reader #sungchan #sungchan x reader #sungchan riize #x male y/n

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xmycxx · 1 year ago

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Abby with a masc!reader

A/N: Whiel i love the trope of masc!abby x fem!reader, gotta say I'm more towards the masc side so I had to write this

sharing! CLOTHES

im sorry but can you imagine!! like you can borrow her clothes and shirts and she can borrow yours

personally i have a jacket that looks realy similar to her WLF one so most people can't tell who's clothes you're wearing at any time

depending on your style, you def end up slightly improving hers

she gives vibes that she wouldn't really care how she dressed as long as it was suitable and appropriate

if you dressed to the dark academia, prep for her stealing your sweaters, if you dress punk, yea you're never seeing that jacket again

i feel like she would be the type to go for femmes (or men if she wasn't gay yet) then you fucking showed up at this party, dressed to the nines in a black button up and trousers with chains and rings, charming as hell

and then you startt alking to her with that sweet smile, innocently putting your hand on her arm

she realized then and there that you are more charming and sweet than any man she could ever date

"Nice to meet you..." You trailed off, putting your hand forward for a handshake, lopsided smirk on your face as you waited for her to finish your sentence with her name.

"ABBY!"

"abby, my name is abby." She said in a lower tone of voice, clearing her throat. She winced immediately when she grabbed your hand with more strength than she thought, seeing your face change.

"Pleasure." You said, trying not to grin at the obvious effect you were having on her, the pain in your hand becoming dull as you watched her fumble.

HAIR

omfg

you cannot tell me a masc doesn't care about their hair

if you had shorter hair, she woudl fuckin adore running her hands through it and seeing how short it was

if you ahd longer hair, she'd teach you how to braid it like hers

peak switch energy

ik most people say she's a top but have you seen this girl

a service top if i ever saw one

the rare time she bottoms is an absolute treat for you

i think she would secretely love the idea of being your housewife

like, imagine you came home from work to see her making dinner adn you make an innocent joke

"Damn," You said, grinning, dropping your bag to the ground before coming up behind her. "If i knew my housewife was waiting for me, would've come home sooner." It was meant to be a joke. You hid your smile by hiding your face in her back, not coming upto her full height. She took it more seriously, face breaking out into a blush as she ducked out of your eyesight. The nervous hitch in her breath was something she couldn't hide from you.

"Aww did that get you all flus-" "Shut up."

BEANIES

ik it's a drastic change but like dude, im a beanie girl and she would love the idea of using your beanies because she can still smell your shampoo on them

dates would be so funny bc she would wanna pay because she knows how to treat a girl

there are full blown arguments where the waiter is concerned y'all are gonna break up before even paying

eventually you settle that you'll just alternate it

I might write more for this if there are any prompts

#tlou #the last of us #tlou 2 #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson #abby anderson x female reader #the last of us 2 #MYC's writings

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butchpeace · 1 month ago

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so ive been on testosterone for over a year now and dont currently plan on stopping- i feel better when im running off testosterone and looking more masc is always nice, i've also very recently had top surgery and am perceived as a man in daily life.. there was a period where i was identifying as a t4t gay man- since then i have excepted my identity as a butch lesbian whos into other butches,, all of this to say ive been exploring radfem spaces more and i find your blog really interesting, i wonder your opinions about masculine women using masculine pronouns and terms to address themselves with? (also being seen as a man is so ..strange? i am not a man i am a dyke- maybe i should get a badge or smth)

Using male terms is something butch women have been doing forever. Usually just for fun. Personally I don’t like it anymore but I don’t think there’s anything objectively wrong with it!

Feeling weird about people perceiving me as male was a huge part of my detransition. I got to the point where I was genuinely read as male by the majority of people, and because of that I felt out of place socially, like I was part of a world that I didn’t want to be part of. Women didn’t see me as one of their own anymore and that hurt. I wanted to be seen as male and thought I would be okay with it. Until I actually got there. I think that’s a very common experience.

Anyway, there’s a reason you feel vaguely “better” on testosterone. It’s the same reason female bodybuilders feel better on steroids. Scientifically, testosterone tends to have the effect of boosting women’s mood as well as giving us more energy and making us feel stronger. What the trans community tells you is that you feel better because you’re on the “right” hormones now. It’s bullshit.

If you really feel that you need to continue using it, consider at least dropping down to a very low dosage so you have a lower risk of the health issues that come with a high dose. Check out the Medical Research link in my pinned post.

Anyway I’m happy that you’re coming to a better understanding of yourself and what you want for your life! And I hope me sharing my story has helped you a bit 🌈

#feminism #lesbian #detrans #trans #detransition #radical feminism #butch #radblr #ftm #LGBT

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everything-is-as-it-was · 11 months ago

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I cannot stress enough how important to me Dan and Phil's journey is, just because it coincides with my own

yeah I'm about to talk about myself buckle up

I watched Dan's "Basically I'm Gay" video three weeks after it came out. Scandalous, I know. I had become a fan maybe four months beforehand and was anxiously waiting when this Dan character would post again, now that I was actually paying attention.

The reason I watched it so late was because I was at a christian girls camp. It was a terrible idea, but you had to sign up for it many months in advance and I didn't think it would be such a big deal nine months ago.

But my transmasc ass went and endured it and I felt so incredibly alone. SO alone. I didn't believe in God, I wasn't a girl, I couldn't wear my binder or masc clothes. It sucked, to say the least.

And I get out of this summer camp, and the first thing I do is check youtube, and lo and behold.

When I tell you that for me personally it could not have come at a better time, i mean it. Obviously he's gay and not trans, but to see someone coming out (to international hooplah) despite SO much adversity and inner turmoil was so, so comforting. It made me think maybe everything would be okay.

I did watch Phil's video as soon as it came out, and it offered such a nice, short, chill contrast to Dan's video. Queerness can be big and proud and emotional and important, or it can be quiet and chill and simply existing. Both are valid.

Shit happened, went MIA for six months, and I came back in 2021, on T and having had top surgery. I was ready to live my life!

But I had so much growing to do! And it took so long to where I was genuinely happy and knew who I was.

And seeing both Dan and Phil become more confident in themselves (kind of counterintuitive, but i think it's more obvious in Phil) and just... you can See how much happier they are in the recent videos. They're making whatever they want to make, however they want to make it, on their own terms.

Idk. Their whole story just brings me so much comfort. I still don't entirely know who I am, but if two gay men who were so deeply entrenched in the closet can come out and have happy lives, maybe I will too.

#dan and phil #dnp #phil lester #daniel howell

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my-castles-crumbling · 29 days ago

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Now, my family is very controlling and all, and I want to buy a binder. I can tell a friend, who is supportive, and she would buy if I pay her it's okay but.

I still live with my parents, (I am 17) and if they find out it wouldn't be nice. For example I had to give half of my books to said friend bc of gay things -it wasn't smut or anything inappropriate, just the song of Achilles or the midnight library for example.

They don't even approve of the world classics (I should read our culture first) they don't approve of teen novels (dating is a bad thing) or romance (god forbid a grown ass woman from kissing his husband wow) is mad I don't have authors from our country (they didn't let me read an author who was in my country bc there was a rumor she was Jewish) I can't go to a cafe alone (we are talking about a cafe in the mall, not somewhere bad.)

So they suck. Sorry I wasn't planning to vent but honestly they piss me off. What do you mean sitting in a cafe drinking coffee is a bad thing???

Anyway so if they caught me with binder it would be a scene. (Y'know, 'gay people are disgusting and sick, I wouldn't even say hello to them' type of parents.)

So what to do, rn sometimes I do masculine makeup and layer but dunno. I did bandages before, and I know it's not good, I don't now but I dunno. Anyway, I can buy it and it can stay in my closet, they don't look at my clothes, and I can use it rarely. It's a solution, when I collect money for it. I am pretty flat anyway (help, it's so sad when I am feminine, but at least it works?) (I am genderfluid btw so I don't need to look masc everyday.)

It is no issue hiding and wearing, they won't notice, but I can't wash it. If I buy, my ma does the laundry so, I dunno how to wash it without them noticing.

🩶

Hi!

First off, I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. It absolutely sucks ❤️

Second, please don’t bind unsafely. It can lead to huge health issues. I know it’s horrible to not be able to bind, but landing yourself in the hospital with a cracked rib will be painful and lead to questions you don’t want.

Third, I’m so sorry to say that it doesn’t sound like it’s safe to have a binder right now. The fact that your parents could react very poorly if they find out and you wouldn’t be able to wash it (could cause skin irritation and rashes) makes me think that it’s not a good idea. I know it’s really upsetting, but that might not be the best solution.

Have you considered trans tape? Another person suggested it on a similar post and it’s a great idea if you have someone to order it for you, esp if you have a smaller chest. It’s disposable so no need to have your parents wash it, and you can say it’s tape for sore muscles if anyone finds and asks. Just please make sure to follow the guidelines for removal, as it can lead to bleeding and irritation if you don’t (I found this out the hard way)

Sending love!

#asks #ask #ask cas

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our-queerplatonic-experience · 4 months ago

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I honestly don't know how to start this cause I'm awkward lol but basically: my mom thinks my close(ish?) Friend is my "boyfriend"... could not be further from the truth 💀 (also sorry this is a bit long btw i like detail & that is a pain for me to deal with sometimes. This could be catagorized as venty but this is meant to be just a bit of a mind dump)

I'm aromantic asexual (romo+sex repulsed/adverse) & bigender (boy+girl), the um- suspected "boyfriend": she's a lesbian trans woman. This has happened a couple times, ligit were that mean gay & overly nice lesbian meme & somehow A NOTABLE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE THINK WERE DATING 💀 told her like imidiatly over text just to clear anything up like if my moms weird or smth. She was just like "oh shit" & we havnt mentioned it since.

What makes it a bit awkward tho is I DO lowkey have a squish/qp crush on her, on & off, but I know that my attraction tends to fade & waver with time (like- Lithqueerplatonic / Queerplatonicflux I guess). So I wouldn't really want to be in like, a qpr w/ her. That & I've always kinda "worry" that my boy/masc part may make most lesbians uncomfortable being in a qpr with me and vice versa with gay men & my girl/ fem part.

Anyway I just have really intense platonic feelings when I do have them & I wish as a society we were more ok with expressing that ;> RELASHIONSHIP ANARCHY WHEN?? when will ppl be "allowed" to kiss their homies goodnight without it being perceived romantic?? WHEN ;D (I'm also on the aplatonic spectrum, dont have many friends & dont plan on having many. I think too many ppl overwhelm me.)

My ideal QPR would just be like: cuddling/leaning on eachother, time together, nicknames & small gifts of appreciation (inexpensive &/or handmade stuff or food), I find kissing weird as a concept so a no for that personally in general. And like, at this point... thinking out loud idk if I want to do that w/ her specifically or if I just want a qpr? Cause like I'd only feel comfortable even touching ppl I'm fairly if not really close to & she checks that box by being in my short friend list. For reference: I only started regularly hugging & saying I love you to my best friend recently & we've known eachother & been mutually eachothers best friends for a decade. (I used to occasionally question if i had qp feelings for him but I am like VERY sure it's just heavy platonic appreciation. i love him so much hes the brother i never had i fr cannot stress how much i love him hes fr fr the best bro bro not even related to the topic really i just want to say that i love tf out of him hes awsome)

Anyway plz prey/etc that I don't get weirded out by my mom so much that I come out as aroace 💀 (i find even the idea of being in a romantic/sexual relationship repusing & unconfortable to think about. Just not my thing, if that changes fine i just don't anticipate that happening. Also I don't think she's like, a "kick me out" aphobic, just an uneducated 1. I just don't want to deal w/ any of it tbh. I want a clean cut "I am [blank]" statment and for the "conversation" to be over with but I don't expect that ) tldr: wish me luck on this journey of the cringe that is existing ☺

good luck!!!!! existing do be difficult but it will be okay :]

#our-queerplatonic-experience #asks

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stepswordsen · 4 months ago

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【KagePro】 KuroEne/SaeEne 🖤💛💙

【カゲプロ】黒コノエネ/クロエネ/冴えエネ

My shadow wants to swallow up this dream of yours.

Intro Rambles

Happy 9/6! Happy HaruTaka/KonoEne/KuroEne Day!!! 🖤 💛 💙 🥳 🎉

I've loved 9/6 and all related ships for over 10 years now 🥰💞

KuroEne was baby Sen's 1st ship that I was OBSESSED with as a 12 year old, and after 10 years, the KuroEne obsession is here to stay.

Snake x Bunny 🐍🐇

Ene's twintails look like bunny ears 💙

I came back to KagePro in April and got obsessed with Kuroha and KuroEne again, exactly as I predicted. Turns out I'm not immune when my meow meow mf gets handsy with my wife.

B*tches when Snake of Clearing Eyes. I'm b*tches! /lh

I first got into KagePro when I was 12 when I watched the Outer Science MV. Sidu's MV aesthetics and Kuroha's design drew me in immediately. Great design and song~

I'm obsessed with Meow meow mf charas. Black and white colour scheme and design aesthetics. Causes problems on purpose. Sen-core bastard cat. Smug chaotic edgy evil asshole character. Violent, unhinged, bloodthirsty and murderous. Arrogant with a huge ego that distances them from humanity (or social interactions).

All of my top fave masc charas are like this. There's literally no one with more obvious and predictable tastes than me LMAO 😭

Kuroha/Saeru, the embodiment of "Knowledge/Wisdom" as a dark evil cunning and malicious entity in KagePro, and the main source of conflict and tension in the plot, is so interesting to me.

The truly evil monster who wears the face of a past love.

With Ene, I'm very enamoured with her chara and design. The way the way she acts so cheery and self-centered in the hopes of Shintaro to open up more, how she wants to be someone else's friend to subside their loneliness, the same kind of loneliness she'd always felt back then… It also feels like over-compensation for her past regrets, wahh, Ene… ;_;

Rough sketch WIPs. I love their expressions here sm~ I started playing around with Gradient Maps cuz I love picking colours. My works tend to lean more saturated with high contrast, so I ended up going with a more saturated palette.

This shows my process for picking colours. The final one I ended up picking is the 1st one. It has a blue hue shift on Ene, red hue shift on Kuroha, and generally more saturated colours and higher contrast. The last one shows the colours I started with.

The more red + purple toned Kuroha has really nice visual contrast against Ene's cool colours (blues) in her design tbh~

I started off with a more muted palette (different from what I'm used to), but ended up going with more saturated colours cuz I think it fit the mood of the piece more. Though I think it'd still be fun to do both a Muted Colours and Saturated Colours version!

These doodles aren't refined, and just me roughly filling in the base colours on my sketches to get an idea of colours. Since Idk when I'll get to refine these drawings and clean up the sketch and lines

Shadow gate to love by Guilty Kiss is sooo Sen ship-core. It basically works for every Light/Darkness, Angel/Devil, and Narrative Opposites ship of mine. Oh baby shadow gay~ 🌈

KuroEne has such a unique context as a ship cuz it uses HaruTaka and KonoEne (my no. 2 KagePro ships), as a basis. Ene has a "special" relationship with the person that Saeru uses as his vessel.

KuroEne is like the equivalent of the evil sleep paralysis demon (in this case, evil sadistic parasitic snake) possessing your past love (Haruka), or the person that you're conflicted about, but still have a certain kind of tenderness for (Konoha)

Sadistic parasitic evil snake bf and computer virus gf~

Ene already gets flustered around Konoha who is airheaded. So with Saeru, the teasing would just be merciless, cuz Ene is easy to rile up. ENE BELOVED…

KuroEne is SUCH an interesting ship to think about and analyze due to their characters' context and the potential of the complicated, complex, and messy relationship that they would have.

They give me immense brainrot.

I'll talk about the setting of my KuroEne AU. I'll put the rest of my rambles and art WIPs under the cut! I copy pasted these rambles from my side blog and previous post, since it's pretty long.

It feels fitting to include it again, cuz it's basically the big summary of my KuroEne AU.

Art Rambles

Version 8: Lineart (Multiply + Colour Burn) + Increased saturation on Ene's Eyes (50% Opacity)

Version 7: Lineart (Multiply + Colour Burn) + Increased saturation on Ene's Eyes (20% Opacity)

Version 6: Lineart (Multiply) + Increased saturation on Ene's Eyes (50% Opacity)

Version 5: Lineart (Multiply) + Increased saturation on Ene's Eyes (20% Opacity)

Version 4: Lineart (Multiply + Colour Burn) + Increased saturation on Ene's Eyes (20% Opacity)

Version 3: Lineart (Multiply) + Increased saturation on Ene's Eyes (20% Opacity)

Version 2: Coloured Lineart

(Sketch is coloured a dark blue)

Version 1: Lineart (Multiply + Colour Burn)

(Sketch is coloured black)

KuroEne Kiss 😚 🖤 💙

Progress WIP shots of the Lineart set on Multiply vs. Multiply + Colour Burn (Combined)

These are still super sketchy lines for me since it's the 1st sketch pass (that looked good right away ^^)

I drew Kuroha with black nails (since I have a tendency to add painted nails and/or eyeliner on my fave) but Kuroha having black nails just felt so natural I forgot it was even a HC

I'm planning to do more sketch passes to clean up the sketch later on

Also I'm gonna say. Their headphones are lowkey annoying to draw 😭

Kuroha's are at least easier to draw due to the shape, but Ene's has this rectangular part on it that I honestly dislike drawing. I'll fix the sketch up eventually.

Also I adjusted the white colour on Ene's sweater compared to last time, so it's a bright tinted blue~ish white instead of pure white

Usually I don't repost stuff unless I redraw stuff (or make new edits and significant changes), but I figured I could talk about my art process this time.

I initially had Ene's eyes as ice blue for visual contrast against her hair.

With the lines being set on Multiply, the lines are slightly translucent

With the lines being set on Multiply + Colour Burn (combined), the lines gain a subtle glow on the edges.

In response to the lines being lighter, I upped the saturation of Ene's eyes.

I think having it at 20% Opacity looks best cuz it still harmonizes with the colours well

And I think I lightened the value of Kuroha's inner clothes a bit compared to last time. I'll play around with the values later.

I have a tendency to shift hues in my arts for the colours used for lighting and shadows, to keep things looking visually interesting.

That's why I roughly splotched red on Kuroha's hair, and pinks on Ene's hair and sweater to get an idea of colours

I've been playing around with a Auto Action called Better Line Color that you can find on the CSP Assets Store that colours the lines according to the colours underneath, and makes a subtle glow on the lineart.

It does some steps like Gaussian Blur, other adjustments, then sets the Layer Mode to Colour Burn, Linear Burn, or Multiply.

The duplicated lineart, when set to Colour Burn, creates a nice subtle glowy effect that I've been using on my coloured doodles.

Having coloured lines makes such a huge difference with my art. I think it has a really nice effect on my art 🥰

When I first tried it with the KuroEne doodle though, I was so confused cuz all white colours would show OVER the lineart. I found it strange cuz it didn't happen on my other drawings.

So then, for the KuroEne doodle, I just set the lines to Multiply Layer Mode instead. I think both versions look nice ^^

Colour Burn darkens shadows, deepens colours but preserves whites, so the whites show over the coloured lineart. The solution is to change the pure white to a tinted colour white instead. I'll fix that and make edits and combine both versions later.

So far, the dark spirals around Kuroha are on the same layers as the sketch, so it has the glowy lineart effect on it. Though I'll eventually make the dark spirals apart of the colours instead, like in Version 2

The version with the saturated purple glow still looks nice. This time I combined both Multiply and Colour Burn lineart versions.

...

I've been having fun playing around with colours, seeing which layers to turn off and such.

I've been playing around with Gradient Maps and Hue shifts and slightly different colours.

The purple/red toned Kuroha one is also really nice cuz it has nice visual contrast against all the cool colours (blues) in Ene's design

Red vs. blue contrast <3

Plus, it fits Kuroha to be tinted with red...

Considering the red tinted shots in the Outer Science MV where he smears the Mekakushi Dan members' blood over his face.

Love the chosen shots in this MV. Outer Science is my top fave KagePro MV due to its stunning visuals and visual storytelling. Additional Memory and Losstime Memory are also in my top faves.

The white, black and red shots here look so good. And the expressions as well~ I love Sidu's brilliant visual aesthetic sense.

KuroEne Rambles

Ok I also have something to add (once again I'm snatching these rambles from my side blog's rambles cuz I've yapped way too much about these two)

It's pretty unfortunate that my yapping and ramble posts outspeeds me creating art so I'm just waiting for the chance to draw so many of my KuroEne writing and art ideas so I can post them on main combined with drawings

Canon verse KuroEne is not “romance,” at least definitely not in the traditional sense. But there IS desire and passion, and a sense of yearning/longing, a need for warmth and fulfillment. It’s filled with desperation and tension and conflict, which makes it really interesting…

When I think about their relationship in this kind of canon-verse AU setting, it's infused with feelings of love, obsession, desire, passion, yearning, and attachment.

It's so fun to think about Kuroha's selfish twisted nature and dark urges, combined with Ene's bold tenacity and confidence. Since he's someone that's generally observant and good at reading people and their desires, it makes him pair well with Ene who has trouble facing more honest feelings and being open about the things she wants.

I think a lot of things are playing into their relationship dynamic. Like the circumstances of HaruTaka and KonoEne's context, Kuroha's omniscience and knowledge, desire, and a craving/yearning for warmth, touch, and affection and companionship on Ene's end, and the pull she feels for him because of the vessel he uses, and his intimate knowledge of her.

For 9/6 day, it's time to blast the anthem of my fave ship, Yuukei Yesterday~ The song dedicated to Takane's feelings and HaruTaka~ Tatatara!! 💗

Considering the theme of my art, though, I put a lyric from Shadow gate to love.

I also wanna say that I'm seriously obsessed with my genderfluid Kuroha HC 💞

Kuroha can change his body into whatever he wants by using Konoha's Eye Ability, Awakening Eyes. In Novel Route, he knows how to use Awakening Eyes to rebuild the body molecule by molecule and make him immune to other Eye Abilities.

...

I think it's interesting that canon verse KuroEne is a ship that's so tinged with angst and tragedy. But I also love that aspect about them.

I think that in the context of a Kuroha ship AU, Kuroha believes that he and his S/O have a connection of karmic fate with each other, in the way that they'll continue to meet across all the different time loops, for all of eternity.

Kuroha’s love would inevitably be very dark and twisted, because he is that way at his core. At the end of a Route, he kills his S/O, and/or their friends, in order to meet with them forever. Ensuring the next coming of a new cycle is a priority to him.

The intimate knowledge that Kuroha/Saeru would have of his partner’s desires, wants, past, insecurities, relationships, etc., due to all the time loop resets, is so interesting to think about.

And, he gets to be with the other party forever by doing this. It’s a win win for him! He doesn’t want to give that up. Cuz in some fucked up way, in his fucked up form of love and obsession, he creates the concept of “eternity” with his S/O, by killing them, and/or, their friends, constantly, endlessly.

...

Kuroha is someone that wants to draw out "truth" to add to his "knowledge" (massive knowledge bank) and explore endless possibilities.

And Ene is someone who has trouble being honest, especially with her wants/desires, and Saeru was created for the purpose of granting wishes. So he finds it fun to tease her and rile her up, and fulfill her desires for warmth and pleasure, etc.

Ene asks Kuroha if he's learning how to pretend to be human throughout all the time loop resets. Kuroha says there’s no “pretending” about it. And it's true. He's been here since even before the beginning of the world. He asks her if you can really call it pretending at that point.

The end of Outer Science's MV shows Saeru in Azami's hair even before the creation of the world. He's existed before humans were born. He knows the nature of humans better than anyone else after observing them for a long time. He has so much knowledge, that the sheer extent of it is just unfathomable to the average person.

Each time the Route resets, he gets to “perfect” his knowledge, and in the context of intimacy, he gets to know his partner and their intimate desires even better and better, each time.

He constantly refines and adds to his “knowledge” every new Route. He likes learning new things about the other party. Kuroha likes how Ene, with her confrontational, brazen personality, and predictable unpredictability, always manages to find a way to catch him off guard and surprise him.

Kuroha/Saeru possessing Konoha's body means he has his face. His body. His voice. Ene can't shake off the feeling of how uncanny his resemblance is to them, physically, and gets reminded of Haruka and Konoha around him.

...

Now I'll copy paste my rambles from my old posts that summarizes my KuroEne AU. Here. I added some new stuff at the end

KuroEne AU: Set-up

Source: KagePro LN: 7 - from the darkness - Colour Illustration Source: Sidu's Mekakushi Dan Members Colour Illustrations

Ok, I'm just gonna ramble about the setting of my KuroEne AU.

I also included a summary for context just in case my non-KagePro mutuals want to tune in to read these rambles.

I just wrote this quickly before I go to sleep. I have more to say but I think this is a good starter.

In official KagePro media, the present day plot starts after 2 years, on the fateful day of August 15th (Kagerou/Heat Haze) Day.

The Kagerou Daze, the never ending world, swallows up people who die on August 15th, and gives those with especially strong desires, who are compatible with an Eye Ability, a substitute life so that they can return to the real world.

In most Routes, Saeru ends up orchestrating Haruka and Takane's deaths. One thing you'll learn about KagePro is that this guy (Kuroha) is responsible for almost everything bad that happens

Because killing them so that they'd come out with an Eye Ability, is a part of his plan to get the rest of Azami's snakes out of the Kagerou Daze and into the real world.

Haruka's death leads to the creation of Konoha, and Takane's death causes her to lose her human body and become a cyber girl named Ene

There are multiple different ways that a KuroEne AU could go, depending on the Route. KuroEne AU Routes are so fun to write, because any time I get a new idea, I can just put into a different Route (timeline) to explore all the "What if" scenarios that don't fit into a single Route.

Kuroha's Plan and KonoEne

Source: @/x0401x

Mekakushi Dan Clear Files: (X)

Normally, the rest of the Mekakushi Dan members meet each other in the present day plot after 2 years, the fateful day of August 15th, the day Kuroha/Saeru plans to kill everyone.

Kuroha/Saeru's plan is to gather all the snakes with a new Medusa in the real world (bringing the rest of Azami's snakes out of the Kagerou Daze to the real world), and killing all Eye Ability users.

Then, he forces Marry, "the next Master," to rewind the world using the power of the Queen Snake, Combining Eyes.

In official media, Kuroha/Saeru usually possesses Konoha's body at the end of a Route on August 15th, the day he plans to proceed with the "Tragedy" and kill everyone.

I imagine that in my KuroEne AU, Kuroha/Saeru possesses Konoha's body MUCH earlier. Like, anywhere within the timespan after Takane and Haruka's deaths (1 - 2 years)

Because of this, Konoha and Ene usually end up meeting and befriending each other earlier. Ene recognizes Konoha as Haruka's game avatar from back then, and mistakes him for Haruka. Konoha asks if she has the wrong person, and Ene gets heartbroken at Konoha's seeming amnesia and inability to remember her.

Ene imposes a sense of distance around Konoha due to her conflicting feelings (he resembles the person she loved but isn't him).

In my AU, KonoEne establish a relationship dynamic of some kind (which varies depending on the Route), which either progresses to an acquaintance-ship, friendship, or intimate relationship.

Kuroha introduces himself to Ene for their first meeting in a Route

Source: Sidu's 2016 Calendar Hanafuda Set

And then, at some point, Kuroha/Saeru possesses Konoha's body. At this point, when he introduces himself and makes himself known to Ene for the first time, he can choose what information he wants to reveal, and how much.

For example, Kuroha can choose if he wants to introduce himself as Black Konoha, and/or "Saeru," or whether to reveal it for later. (And he also chooses whether he wants to reveal his true identity as the Snake of Clearing Eyes.)

Ene later nicknames him "Kuroha" and "Saeru" to shorten the name.

He knows that the 1st one would be more familiar to Ene. To introduce himself with the 2nd one would make Ene more distrusting/suspicious of him.

He most likely doesn't reveal his true intentions (to kill the Mekakushi Dan) so soon, because he knows that if he does, Ene is (obviously) not gonna want to "play the game" (of being intimate with him) anymore, cuz it means that he is literally putting her and her friends' lives in danger.

Though, across multiple Routes, he probably does play around and experiment with the timing of when he reveals certain information, and how much.

I think in most Routes, Ene is suspicious of him at first, and asks about his intentions and what he's really after, and Kuroha/Saeru just tells her that it's too early to say yet, and that she will find out soon.

(Though, Kuroha could probably quell her suspicions with enough convincing, due to the massive amount of knowledge he carries)

KuroEne AU: Context

Source: Mega Man Battle Network 6 (Rockman.exe 6)

In my KuroEne AU, Kuroha/Saeru, who has messed around with human technology and innovation, has been able to develop a humanoid android/robot body with human flesh that Ene can transfer into.

This concept is inspired by Mega Man Battle Network (Rockman.exe), specifically, the NetNavis (humans' companion AIs in this universe) from MMBN/EXE.

NetNavis can transfer into CopyBots (android bodies) for limited amounts of time, to move around in the real world. These CopyBots take the appearance of the NetNavi that transfer into it.

In my KuroEne AU, I imagine it's battery powered, but with every Route, he gets better and faster at making it. Like he improves the battery life over time, so it goes from lasting an hour to lasting a whole day, etc.

According to the KagePro LNs, Kuroha/Saeru has knowledge from everything from the start of civilization...

Shintaro in the KagePro LNs compares Saeru to "a living encyclopedia with a full grasp of everything from the start of civilization up to modern science."

That LN bit confirms that Kuroha/Saeru carries knowledge of the history of mankind and its technologies over (probably) millions or thousands of years.

Especially when scientists have made developments regarding wrapping living human-like skin onto a robot that can heal when cut.

If he carries knowledge from the start of civilization, so much knowledge that it's unfathomable to the average person, then yeah I definitely think he could get it done (especially for the sake of my AU).

KuroEne's Intimacy

Source: (X)

Scan: @/ayara-resara

Kuroha proposes that he has a solution for Ene not being able to move around in the real world, and introduces the little invention that he made, for her to test out, which Ene eventually agrees to, out of curiosity.

Ene feels a sense of gratefulness to him for allowing her to move around in the real world since it gets lonely in the cyber world, not being able to feel or touch anyone on the outside…

Kuroha gets to know and bonds with Ene, anywhere within this 1 - 2 year timespan, and at some point, Kuroha and Ene get intimate with each other.

Ene gives into the sense of longing/yearning that she feels for Kuroha/Saeru, a yearning for warmth and touch after being stuck alone in the cyber world for so long (in spite of everything - if she knows about his true identity at this point), which is in part caused by his vessel (being Konoha, who's in Haruka's body).

Kuroha knows how to react to her and what to say to her and how to act around her due to his knowledge, and so, seduces his S/O and tempts her with carnal pleasures, and they indulge in "the game/dance" of being intimate with each other.

Because Kuroha/Saeru keeps memories of previous Routes, he remembers memories of being with the Enes of previous Routes, and thus, knows how to react to her when talking/chatting with her normally, knows how to appease Ene's behaviours and whims, goes along with what she wants, knows how to get the responses he wants when he wants something from his partner (so he knows how to seduce them), and knows how to satisfy his partner in the context of intimacy.

Because of the knowledge he carries, he knows the context, past, Eye Abilities, vulnerabilities, etc., of every Mekakushi Dan member, and that includes Ene. So he'd definitely know about Haruka and Takane, and Konoha and Ene's context and relationship together.

The person who's her greatest enemy (whether she knows it at this point or not), very literally knows everything about her.

And not only that, the greatest enemy of the Mekakushi Dan, knows her better than she knows herself.

Kuroha's Nature

Source: COSPA - Tsumamare Series (Keychains and Rubber Strap Charms)

Not only does he weaponize Konoha's body by using Konoha's body as a murder weapon to kill everyone at the end of a Route, he weaponizes words, too. Kuroha/Saeru uses "knowledge" as an advantage over his partner, and weaponizes knowledge. Actually staggering advantage. Because he knows almost everything.

Kuroha ships are like the only time I have ships where one party in the ship has THIS much of an advantage over their partner.

Therefore, as I said before, Kuroha/Saeru ultimately has a power imbalance with his partner (any Mekakushi Dan member that he could be paired with).

He has an overwhelming advantage over his partner due to his role (set-up as an antagonist constantly killing the cast) and capabilities. It is ultimately in his favour.

That fact in itself, that the power imbalance exists, isn't inherently a bad thing, it just means that you NEED to tread carefully with portraying Kuroha's ships. I always make sure to depict my ships with as much care as possible, and as healthy as possible.

Ene is one of the characters who is a really good match with him. Because making Ene more assertive and dominant in the KuroEne ship, and making them take turns in leading intimacy, with having Kuroha letting Ene take control through their bedroom intimacy at times, helps alleviate this power imbalance slightly.

Kuroha is literally so fucked up dude cuz even his twisted form of affection that he holds for his S/O (the Mekakushi Dan member who he's paired with), is still in a twisted, selfish, self-serving way.

Due to his twisted nature, he embodies Koi (恋), "Selfish love," "loving someone for their own sake."

Even when he caters to his partner's pleasures, it still ultimately caters to his pleasures the most. That makes him interesting, though. Someone so inherently dark and twisted and sinister, with selfish desires like that… 🥰💖✨

Misc Rambles

So I imagine, in most KuroEne AU routes, he reveals his true intentions either approaching the fated day of August 15th, or right on the day of August 15th.

There's absolutely a sense of betrayal that Ene would feel following the reveal of his true intentions - he built up a relationship with her, on purpose, just to drop the worst possible scenario imaginable.

Like let's be real. The reveal of "I've been killing you and your friends throughout multiple Routes (timelines)" just sounds like a nightmarish scenario, especially if you've been fucking this guy, like come on. 😭

And something that would make Ene get especially pissed at him, is if he decides to reveal that he was responsible for orchestrating Haruka and Takane's deaths in the first place.

(In official media, Ene sees Konoha for the first time, on August 15th, 2 years after Haruka and Takane's deaths)

Though, there are probably KuroEne AU routes where Konoha and Ene don't get the chance to meet each other - Routes where Kuroha/Saeru possesses Konoha's body before the two can actually meet, so when Ene sees who she thinks is "Konoha" for the first time, it's actually Kuroha/Saeru. With this kind of setting, he could even pretend to be Konoha, if he wanted.

And then on August 15th, he proceeds with killing the Mekakushi Dan with sadistic glee (and even his S/O - though if he's feeling nice, then he can spare them, since he doesn't need to kill everyone), and forces Marry to rewind the world.

Thankfully, due to the nature of Ene's body and predicament, she won't feel physical pain when he kills her. And then, a new Route (timeline) begins.

Previous KuroEne Posts

In my new post (this one), I wrote more about the set-up of my KuroEne AU, and then copy pasted my old rambles. I copy pasted the summary of my KuroEne AU cuz it felt relevant since I'm posting the same art.

My old post has some more rambles regarding some general ideas of my KuroEne AU (since I didn't feel the need to copy paste the same stuff here too)

Shadow gate to love

Lyrics:

Song: (X)

These lyrics work so well for ships like LimGuda, XanLena, IdaTatsu, and KuroEne.

The song sung by the sub-unit, Guilty Kiss, in Love Live! Sunshine!! My favourite version of Shadow gate to love is this fan-edit that pitches down the song to match the original voice actors’ voices, compared to their characters’ voices (which are higher in pitch)

Shadow gate to love is sooo Sen ship-core. It basically works for every Light/Darkness, Angel/Devil, and Narrative Opposites ship of mine.

It’s my song to fall back on if I can’t think of any other songs for my ships. I think it fits these 4 the best, though.

Oh baby shadow gay~ 🌈

The lyrics are in the link above.

The lyrics of the song works for all of my meow meow mfs in general.

In KagePro, though, the mention of "Strong scented eyes" takes on another meaning cuz of the emphasis on EYES, particularly the Eye Abilities.

I also love the emphasis on the Light/Darkness aspect and seduction in the lyrics.

KuroEne: Kuroha seduces Ene by tempting her with carnal pleasures, and keeps the secrets of his plan to commit the Tragedy (killing the Mekakushi Dan on August 15th, Kagerou Day) hidden from her. He tells her "beautiful lies" in order to keep up his facade.

He decides to act tamer prior to the fated date of August 15th, catering to her desires and befriending and bonding her and spending time with her and actually getting to know her. They'd do soft and fluffy stuff like go to the amusement park together, play video games together, and eventually, get intimate with each other.

Due to his inherently dark and twisted nature, Kuroha/Saeru prioritizes his own desires and desire for immortality, and constantly keeps causing the Tragedy by killing the Mekakushi Dan, Marry's friends, forcing the time loop resets. He also believes that doing this allows him to be with his partner forever, because he can continue to come and meet them forever and ever.

Ai (愛) vs. Koi (恋)

Azami's genuine pure form of love for her family, willingly sacrificing herself for her family and mankind.

Vs.

(In the context of a Kuroha ship AU)

Kuroha/Saeru holding a twisted form of affection and obsession for his S/O and wanting to continue the time loop Tragedy in order to be with his S/O forever in a twisted, selfish, self-serving way.

He looks up to his Masters and serves them, but won't put anyone else above himself and his wants and needs.

In the end, he's doing this all for Azami, because he believes that this is what she truly wanted and needed, but ends up being the one causing her the most suffering.

"Selfless" vs. "Selfish" love.

Ai (愛) vs. Koi (恋)

Azami -> "Loving someone for the sake of someone else"

Kuroha -> "Loving someone for one's own sake"

Kuroha's twisted selfish love and how he ultimately loves someone for his own sake, to experience the "high" of being in love...

Reminded of that one chapter title from FGO: Tunguska Sanctuary event (Koyanskaya's main story chapter)

"Love is Karma, and Karma is..."

This fits so well with Kuroha/Saeru's character and KuroEne. Good god.

I can't put any more images due to Tumblr's image limit so you can read about the two loves (Ai vs. Koi) here

Source: (X)

...

If you wanna put it crudely or in funny terms, then Kuroha ships are like the most elaborate ships with the time loop tragedy causing serial killer, in the history of anything ever. But actually really interesting and fascinating.

"I'm gonna kill you" boogaloo (and nothing else) is not very compelling for ships (and even in general) lol

In canon-verse, Kuroha/Saeru lacks humanity and forms of care for others (when compared to my other faves).

That's why I wanted to explore the ideas of Kuroha messing around in the Routes and actually getting to know the Mekakushi Dan members before he kills them all.

9 notes · View notes

cer-rata · 7 months ago

Note

Hi! I wanted to ask about your process making of Conrad. I been thinking on creating my own oc but I really don't know where to start and when I read "heart of Gotham" he feld like a pretty solid character and very interesting too.

So I'Il like to know, how did you come up with him? Where did you started end how did you follow with his story?

And if you have advice on building a character I would love to hear it, thank you! :D

This is so nice? I think the biggest anxiety around creating a OC-centric fic is that your baby just won't be as interesting as the canon characters, or worse is actively agonizing to witness, so it is nice to see that he stuck out to you positively.

This is a lovely question and I want to give you a thorough answer.

Spoilers? I guess? But only for things I've already published.

On Conrad:

When I'm writing fanfiction, OC or not, I like to look at the existing world building, find a detail that I think is really neat, and then put it somewhere it doesn't belong. I love Star Sapphires conceptually, if not always in execution, and wanted to play with what it means to be powered by love, and to do it differently than the classic obsessive, toxic, homicidal Sapphire that Carol became back in the day before it was a proper corps, and Geoff did his lantern lore tinkering. But I also didn't want to make it a purely heroic, morally unambiguous thing. All emotions are neutral and love can go in a lot of directions. I knew it had to stem from some kind of pain, partially because that is the standard set in canon, and also because I feel that heartbreak is love at its most intense and difficult to control, and that level of extreme emotion is needed to attract a ring.

So I started thinking about the kind of person that would be capable of feeling love that deeply and then I realized that the most emotionally volatile time in most people's lives is the teen years. Especially when it comes to affection. I'm not excluding my ace friends here either, even if it's not romantic or sexual in nature, teenagers tend to form really strong bonds, due in part to the aforementioned emotional volatility. So I knew they needed to be a teenager.

I wanted him to be a boy because I think the love corps being gender biased makes no sense, and playing with masculine stereotypes of what love means interested me. I am a guy, I like to write what I know. I also wanted to play with the idea of what it means to be a guy in the first place. Conrad's boyfriend, Darren was kind of created to be a more standard masculine ideal: Big, strong, uncomplicated, aggressive. I think on a level Conrad envied that and the safety that came with it. Conrad on the other hand was more complicated. There's a lot of softness there, an emotional rawness even before the tragedy, and he doesn't hide that. He's very openly gay, honest and clear about that, but he's also not pressed to present in a certain way. He liked that Darren protected him, and he didn't like conflict. None of that was from a place of confidence necessarily, more an aversion to being inauthentic. He doesn't think highly of himself, but he's also not interested in pretending he's anything else. It's not that he doesn't care what people think of him, but he just can't be anything else than what he is.

Frankly, there's also a tendency to write black boys and men as wildly binary. Either hyper masc and aggressive or toothless and palatable. I didn't want Conrad to be so clearly defined.

So I had the basic outline of his vibe by that point, I didn't have all the specifics but I knew that I needed to create an awful situation for this emotionally vulnerable kid. That's where Gotham came into play. Bad things happen to people every day in Gotham, and despite that, the regular folk keep living their lives. It quickly became important to me that Conrad represent a very average person in a very strange city, with average ambitions and circumstances. Being raised in a working class home was a given, because I didn't want to lean too far into the poverty narrative, but I did want to draw some distinction there, and contrast that kind of worldview to that of the better resourced batfamily. I wanted to make the change in his status quo even more jarring by not making him someone with any ambition to be a superhero, and make his more typical understanding of the world clear and consistent.

I also wanted to make him the child of immigrants, but swerve away from the stereotype of the inflexible, emotionally unavailable first generation parents. They're not perfect, they are distant in how they respond to his sexuality, but it was important that they were smart, fairly progressive, kind people who clearly cared about their son and his happiness. I don't think a parent has to be wildly abusive to cause pain for their kid, sometimes they really are trying their best, and the kid knows they’re loved, but they still leave some sore spots to work through. I tried to take that approach with my characterization of Bruce too, actually.

A lantern ring is an incredibly powerful weapon, and Gotham doesn't usually feature characters that powerful, it doesn't fit the genre, and I knew that. So I kept him from training properly for the story so he was always struggling to figure out what he was doing as a way to not have to start him out with lantern-tier threats. On the note of the ring, I also was specific about countering the classic hypersexualized depictions of Star Sapphires, not out of any moral sensibilities (though I do suppose I’d feel odd putting a sixteen year old in a laser speedo), but because I wanted him to have to build the confidence to be showy if he even wanted that. His insecurities about his body are pretty standard stuff for any teenager, and while not a full on complex, I wanted to be a little realistic about what he was willing to wear. I wanted to emphasize that love is not just about attraction and sexuality…though yes, for him specifically those are factors. But specifically not the only places he draws power from. I like to think they all have a central love that they tether to, and branch from there. Were I to make another Star Sapphire after him, I would most likely go in a completely different direction and focus on a different facet of love to be the core of their power.

Anyway, so then I had "Gay Black Teen Boy from Gotham who is Nice Enough but Not Terribly Interested in Sticking His Neck Out." I then picked a life altering tragedy that was in some ways intended to mirror Bruce's and spark a similarly intense desire, but smaller and more focused in scope.

This may be hard to believe considering I made a character who is literally powered by love, but at that point I had no intention of having Conrad date anyone. The story initially was much more dour and lonely and I didn't anticipate a happy ending. It was going to be bittersweet at best, but tragedy was more likely. I changed my mind a number of times actually, frankly I think the fact that the story logically flows is amazing, because I was writing to at least four different goals over the course of it.

Damian made the most sense to me as a point canon character because of the ages I was going with, and how hard his personality contrasted Conrad's. I put them in the same school and tied him to the tragedy for convenience, honestly. I thought it would be interesting for Damian to be drawn in through his guilt and inability to leave a problem unsolved, and because of that grow to have a civilian friend who was disarming enough to not trigger his defenses, and THEN becomes wildly dangerous, so he'd already accepted him into his sphere and then had to deal with it. I...wrote them with more chemistry than I'd planned to (yes, Damian is a blorbo, I'll admit it okay), and suddenly it became less about the lore implications and impact on Gotham's power balance and more about whether or not either of them were capable of love anymore. For a long time the answer was no, their ill-considered hookup was supposed to hurt both of them to the point of closing off to each other...but I got to a point in my own developing worldview where writing that the answer is "Not everyone gets to get better" became untenable. And I didn't think that kind of pessimism even made sense for the story I'd written, its tone, and how I characterized Conrad and Damian.

He definitely developed as I wrote him. I generally only knew what I was doing two to three chapters in advance, so there was always some uncertainty, but I had a pretty good idea what drove Conrad early on, and knowing what he cared about was helpful. Sometimes when people talk about magic systems, they talk about creating a power ceiling and sticking to it. I kind of wanted to show you exactly what Conrad could be willing to do very early on, so there was always this question about where his center actually was. I assume you're up to date, so you saw the kind of darkness he could reach come up a few times, but notably always stopped before stepping completely off the path and into something more sinister. He's nice, he's so nice, and I wanted to show how nice isn't enough to build a moral framework on, and he's still figuring out what his actually is. That's going to continue being a theme for him even after the fic actually.

Somewhere in there it turned into an AU I wanted to explore more, and then I started projecting Conrad's arc further out, and I did make a few choices in service of that.

Anyway, on general character creation:

I think the most important thing is that a reader kind of understands what a character is about. Not that they should be predictable, but they should feel consistent enough that when you are surprised, you can think back and go "Oooh...no actually yeah, I see how that happened." And that only really happens when you as the writer know the core of what they care about. Conrad wants to feel Safe, and he wants to feel Accepted. That's universal stuff, but it's important because that's where his ambitions end. He doesn't know what he's going to be doing after high school, he doesn't think that far ahead. Darren was his world because he just doesn't think past the present. Because his desires are so simple, so primal, and become so painful for him, then I feel it logically follows that he's willing to break through what he thinks are his boundaries in order to achieve them. You can even threaten either of them separately, but when both are in jeopardy at once, he's willing to do just about anything really. So I as the author always knew what his tipping points were, and could sprinkle them around to watch him trip into them and hurt himself. I want the reader to be able to see where a scene is going and go "Oh. Oh no he's about to do something he'll regret." So consistency of desire is important, because it colors everything else. Then you can make him sacrifice those desires for something he's come to realize is more important, and boom, you have a cathartic/agonizing growth point and can recontextualize from there.

Themes are important for long work, but I like to figure out who the person is first and then pick a theme that they'd struggle with figuring out. Wonder Woman wouldn't struggle with any of this, and as such wouldn't make sense to explore the question through. I'm sure you can come up with a theme first, but I like starting with characters and figuring out what their story is.

Gender, sex, race, orientation, health status: These are all important to know, even if the story isn't about any of those things specifically, because every one of those details imply different experiences and invoke different stereotypes. So don't agonize, but do think about WHY you've made the character this way. Are you leaning on stereotypes? Have you accidentally recreated an unfortunate trope? I am a black writer, but even so, when writing a black character I need to be aware of what ideas I'm perpetuating. I wrote Conrad's anger the way I did specifically because I wanted to avoid supporting the image of an "angry black man," which doesn't mean that he cannot BE angry, but does mean that I need to be mindful of the way he is, and why.

There are a lot of spreadsheets and character question checklists and stuff out there, and I'm sure they're great for some people, but they irritate my ADHD and I feel like if I need to constantly refer back to what my character likes, especially my main character, then I don't have a strong enough sense of who they are, and I really need to, this is an OC, every decision I make is the only canon there will lever be, so I need to have a grip on what I want.

Don't be afraid to make them goofy. Conrad is so goofy, and it is part of why Damian becomes fond of him, but that's not why I made him like that. I made him offbeat and awkward (but not shy), to create a specific dynamic in his dialogue. He's not cool, he doesn't care about being cool, but he is still insecure, and that insecurity manifests in oversharing, in a certain shamelessness. He can't handle sitting with shame, his self esteem is too weak for that. So his lack of guile, and lack of panache are both fun quirks to help me differentiate his dialogue, but also important clues about how he takes things and then I can flatten those out when he's being serious, or scary. If a character starts out cool, and that's never challenged, then it's boring and you get into Mary Sue/Gary Stu territory. It's totally doable to start cool and then add nuance, but I think it's easier to start a little weird and then reveal why they're neat when the situation calls for it. My advice boils down to this: People love fuckups, they love humans, they even love monsters. The greatest sin is for someone to be boring, and being too sad or too perfect is boring. I have to let Batman have a sense of humor for that reason.

Since creating Conrad I've also taken to picking some scenarios that people have a general standardized reaction to, making a different decision, then figuring out why that makes sense. Really early on I decided that he didn't get jealous easily, notably so, and worked out that it was partially because he doesn't feel entitled to anyone's attention, but also because if he loves someone, he wants them to be happy and that doesn't necessarily have to involve him. So figuring out that Jon had feelings for Damian didn't do anything to him, because, well, Jon is in the 8th grade, that would be ridiculous to feel threatened by at that point, but also because someone loving Damian that much to him is a good thing. He loves Damian, other people should too. Which is...kind of a good trait, if only it didn't stem so much from his lack of self-worth.

I think every character choice should be intentional. They don't all have to be deep, but the more specific you are, the more tools you have to play with, and the more ways you can twist them out of shape. When you make decisions and stick with them, you create limitations, and those limitations are where I think an interesting plot comes from.

Shockingly, I do have more thoughts, but I feel like this is already far more than you asked for, and I do need to finish chapter 12, so I’ll cut it here.

Also…this ask truly made my evening, and as such I feel compelled to share a tease of how I plan to celebrate the completion of the fic.

Look at him go!

#my writing #shut up cerata #tkaa au #conrad bishop #fanfic ocs #my ocs #look at my baby #dc ocs #dc oc #asks

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genderkoolaid · 2 years ago

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Hi! I pondered today the post you've reblogged asking people to examine their biases in how they perceive transmascs. My thought was only vaguely related, as it was more related to bisexualism. I hope it's not an issue. I'd like to share it, as I respect you a lot. (Thank you lots for introducing me multigenderism! I didn't knew it was an option and I'm exploring a little! :3)

Specifically I was thinking about the erasure of men perceived as feminine from mlw relationships. There's this... assumption, that feminine men are almost inherently (OOF) unable to be attracted to women? (Putting aside fandom bias to ships involving women in the first place.) What's up with that??I cannot quite put it in the words properly but... it just doesn't sit right with me. Idk, it feels... emasculating? Like, being a femme is a vibe, a presentation, etc, but if it's a femme man it's still *very much a man*. This + typical bisexual erasure and overall assuming you can clock people's sexuality on appearance alone... Probably more that eludes me. I'm still grappling with it. Idk, there's probably much more to say here but... it's upsetting emotionally to me, personally. I'm an afab woman (maybe more) so please, *please* take my input with a grain of salt. It's just that I love men. I adore them. I want to learn more about them, learn their struggles, help them if I can. I might love them even more out of spite when biphobic people scorn at it bc it's not queer enough. Here's the catch: My type specifically is femmes. As a femme woman. So ironically my longing towards men always felt more "broken" and "unachievable" then towards women. Bc for years it felt like... femme men would never want me, by the virtue of who I am. With what body I was born and feel at home in. Idk where I'm going with this at this point. I guess I too wish people would examine their biases. In this case towards feminine men. For the sake of all men, trans, cis, femme/butch... and people who love them. Emasculating men hurts everybody. Even women, such as myself. I hope I haven't at any point sounded as equating "feminine men" to "transmasc", btw! I do NOT believe transmasc are feminine! If at any point I was coming of like that by bringing both in one ask I'm sorry! Here I'll conclude. I still have much to learn thought. I still grapple with naming the issue at hand I would deeply appreciate men insight here. Have a nice day :3

I actually posted an article written by a femme bi man talking about this topic a while back!

This is very much an issue. The way I interpret the different ways biphobes react to bi men/women is that its related to how patriarchal gender roles operate. All bisexuals are targeted by the idea that they are either "really" straight or "really" gay because of binarism. Women are resource objects, so cishet men's access to them needs to be preserved; therefore, bi women must be REALLY straight. Men, on the other hand, are competitors, and queerness is one of the major ways men are seen as failing that competition; as a result, bi men must be REALLY gay because their attraction to men(/feminine presentation, if they are femme) means they could never successfully compete at manhood. (This is ofc just a general trend; sometimes people, especially queers, will insist a bi woman must be really a lesbian esp if shes butch, and cishets may insist a bi man must be really straight especially if hes masc/butch).

I identify as bisexual and as a femme man, although I'm not sure if I would consider myself attracted to women as a man (multigender sexuality is weird but fun!), but know there very much ARE femme bi men out there who would love to be in a relationship with you. I think a lot of mlw who have a preference for femininity have experienced this, queer or not, because there is so little visibility for GNC men who are attracted to women- and because there are women who are queerphobic about the idea of a woman dating a GNC man.

#m.#ask box #antimasculism

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mattsdae · 1 year ago

Text

help wanted pt. 2

find pt. 1 here and pt. 3 here

content warnings: joe young x masc reader , phone sex , wet dreams , dacryphilia , referenced blowjobs (?) , kinda public sex , corruption kink obvs , a sprinkle of humiliation kink , handjobs , cumming on face (it was on accident i swear) , they kinda get caught , reader lies ab bible verses (shoutout to @doug-remer-milk-consumer for that one)

word count: ~4.3k

synopsis: joe often finds himself confused on set and asks you for help. in a time of need, you’re the only person he can think of to call.

a/n: this fic is probably gonna turn into a lowkey slowburn just bc i love joe and reader sm <3 also, just know that reader is kind of an unreliable narrator when it comes to characterizing joe just bc he assumes how joe feels without really asking, just keep that in mind lol

joe hung up soon after he asked the question and never called back. he was a weird dude, you already knew that, but a part of you felt bad for what happened. you knew how devoted he was to his religion, but you now had the knowledge that he has some.. interests that don’t fit into that religion too well.

you didn’t work with him again for a month. for a while, you wondered if it were on purpose. at one point, you two were working together multiple times a week, now it was few and far between. you were adjusting the umbrella light when joe walked in. he kept his head down, even as dave told him good morning. he was usually nice enough to respond, though he did find some of dave’s compliments a little weird.

“what’s up his ass,” he muttered bluntly. you shrugged even though you knew exactly what was wrong. you thought about seeking him out and asking if he was okay, but you decided against it. if he wanted to talk, he’d talk.

the shoot went relatively smooth. he didn’t seem to be super into it, so a lot of the shots on his face would have to be cut, but that was actually pretty common for him. at first, you thought his lack of attraction was because of his abstinence, but now you had a different theory.

the man was gay. he’d never come to the conclusion himself, obviously, but it was starting to make itself more known to you. after hearing about his dream, you noticed more habits that were a little suspicious. first of all, he never found any of the women he’d shoot with attractive. that one would have been a blaring alarm if it weren’t for his religious practices. another thing was when certain guys from the crew talked to him. it was obvious who he found attractive. he’d get shy and try to end the conversation as soon as possible, even if it made the interaction awkward, which he did fairly often with you.

you also started to notice the way he’d glance at you, too. it took a while to really pay attention, but sometimes you’d catch him. his eyes would be big as he looked over you, staring a little harder at certain areas he found attractive, mostly focused on your arms or face. you once caught him staring at your dick as you talked to someone else, which made you laugh. he looked away as soon as he realized and luckily the conversation warranted a laugh, so nobody asked any questions.

it took a week after the shoot, nearly a month and a half without talking, when he called again. it was late, you rolled onto your side and drifting in and out of sleep while listening to your tv. you groaned when the phone rang, but stopped feeling as upset as you recognized his number. you answered.

“hello?” you rasped, rubbing your eyes as you leaned up on your elbows.

“i had another dream.” you blinked, trying to comprehend words.

“what?”

“i.. i had a dream about you. again.” he muttered.

“okay? and? i thought i taught you how to handle that.” if you weren’t half asleep and frustrated, you wouldn’t have said it. you probably would have taken advantage of the opportunity, but decided you were too tired to jack off with him.

“i tried but..” he trailed off for a second. “i couldn’t do it.”

“what do you mean you couldn’t..” oh.

“yeah..” he needed you to help him cum. even though it was 4 in the morning and he had clearly been trying for a while, he still couldn’t do it without you. you blushed a bit, realizing how much he actually needed you.

“you want me to talk to you?” you asked, voice still languid and raspy as he agreed. “tell me about your dream. it might give me some ideas.”

“we were on set.. for- for some reason we were starring together..” you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to will yourself to not get hard. “you.. you touched me and you kissed me.. and i liked it.”

“you liked when i touched your cock?” he whimpered at the word, but hummed in agreement soon after. “oh, baby.. you must be so desperate for me to touch you, hm? i’m sure you’ll want the real thing at some point.”

“mhm..” he nodded along, making quick work of himself as he listened to your voice. you rolled onto your back, stretching as you tried to wake yourself up a little more.

“i don’t even have to talk dirty, do i? just hearing my voice is enough for you, right?” he whines, moans starting to string together as he got closer. you knew he would cum quick. he was sensitive, which made his orgasm come quicker than most. he also spent a while trying to get off himself, which added to his sensitivity. “fuck, i love the noises you make. so pretty.. i wish i could hear it in person, but you’re too shy for that, huh? too scared?”

“n-no..” he sobbed, denying your words. it almost bordered on bullying what you said, but he still basked in your words, degrading or not. he moaned, muffling it as he covered his mouth. you tutted.

“don’t cover your mouth. i wanna hear your pretty little noises..” he clearly enjoyed that considering he almost instantly came. he let out loud, desperate moans as he thrusted into his hand. “good boy.. keep going for me.”

“t-too much..” he sobbed, still moving his hands along even after orgasm. you chuckled, enjoying how obedient he was. you rolled back over to your side.

“it’s okay. you’re doing so good. we just gotta make sure you’re all done, right?” he agrees, even though he started to feel overly sensitive. “you think you’re done?”

“yes, i-i’m done- i’m done,” he hiccupped. you knew there were tears streaming down his cheeks, his face probably puffy and red from embarassment and overstimulation.

“you can stop.” he sighed in relief, relaxing again. you listened to his breathing. every so often, he’d sniffle, but he never said anything. you expected him to hang up and avoid you like the plague again, but he stayed on the line. just you nearly broke the silence, he spoke up.

“can you stay for a minute?” his voice trembled, nervous for your answer. you chuckle.

“of coarse. i’m real tired though, so i might fall asleep,” you warn. he hums.

“i just.. i wanna talk.” you swallow, clearing your throat.

“a-about what?” you stumbled over your words.

“anything?” he responded. you licked over your lips, nervous. you never got like this. you were used to smooth talking and getting in a girls pants, not having a real conversation. “how was your day?”

“uhh, pretty good.. i went on a walk earlier which was nice. got chewed up by bugs, though.” he giggled, making your stomach churn.

“i know you’re supposed to love all creatures because god made them, but bugs are so hard to love! they always bite me!” he smiled. you laughed as well, enjoying the innocent conversation. “there’s this one trail that’s really nice this time of year, but you gotta be careful for snakes. you gotta wear pretty thick pants and boots so they don’t get you.”

“it’s, like, 100 degrees outside, though. i think i’d pass out from heat exhaustion before i left my apartment.” he laughed again.

“that’s a good point..” he thought for a moment, the line going quiet as he did so. you nearly fell back asleep before he spoke up again. “maybe we can go in the fall.”

“we?” you asked, wondering if he even understood the implication.

“yeah! it’ll be fun! we get to hang out in the woods and go hiking! i don’t get to do that with my old friends, but you can!” for some reason, you actually felt a little sad when he called you his friend.

“yeah, that does sound fun.” the line goes quiet again, this time you weren’t tired anymore. your heart raced as you tried to think rationally. you couldn’t though, only staring at the ceiling blankly as you thought about being with joe. it was a stupid idea for multiple reasons, but you couldn’t help warming up to the idea.

“i’m tired,” he mumbled, yawning. you nodded.

“me too.” silence. you thought about hanging up, but you let him make the decision. eventually he spoke up again, his voice drawn and mumbled.

“you really wanna hang out one day?” you felt sick, hands grabbing at your sheets as you agreed. you were just trying to make him feel good, right? he would be heartbroken if you said no. “okay. i’ll see what we can do.”

he didn’t speak again. you nervously waited for him to say something, but it never came. he must’ve fallen asleep at some point, so you hung up. you didn’t go to bed until the sunrise, too panicked to even think about sleeping.

you worked with joe again a week later. instead of being shy and avoidant, he now happily walked up to you and started conversation. you smiled and nodded along, but still felt that weird ache in your chest you couldn’t diagnose. he grinned, bouncing off of every joke you made with excitement. dave joined in once of twice, which neither of you really minded. joe was in a happy mood in general, so hopefully everything would go nice and smooth. eventually, he walked off, holding the script after dave gave him an extra he had on hand.

after a while of helping dave set up shots, joe came back. he didn’t look as relaxed anymore, now holding the script tightly in front of him as he stood behind you. he chewed on his lip, flesh already tender and inflammed as he waited for you. for a while, you expected him to make himself known, but he didn’t.

“what’s up,” you started. he looked around, making sure nobody was paying attention. dave was too busy talking to the new guy to notice and everyone else were just showing up, going off to put their stuff down and make small talk. he leaned close, whispering.

“can you help me out?” he asked. you nod, stifling a smile as he lead you to his dressing room. another question from the script, the main fantasy both of you held. he stood as you sat on the couch. another awkward silence filled the room, joe clearly having trouble talking to you.

“what do you need help with, man?” the script crinkled in his grip as he clinched his fists, avoiding eye contact. you waited for a second before speaking up again. “you gotta tell me what you want. i can’t read minds, you know.”

“what was the word you used for the dream i had?” he mumbled. a moment passed where you thought, trying to figure out what he was talking about. it clicked.

“a wet dream?” he tensed up a bit, head now hanging low as he started to turn red. you’d never get over his reactions to your words.

“y-yeah. do you.. remember what it was about?” he started rubbing his hands over his pants, trying to ground himself.

“the first one or the second one?” he huffed, realizing he did have multiple dreams about you.

“first one..”

“yeah, a little.” you acted like you didn’t think about his dreams while masturbating more often than not. it wasn’t the dream itself that turned you on, more that he dreamt of it. the idea of him waking up in the middle of the night, unable to wrap his head around what happened and being forced to call you, the one he dreamt about, made you more aroused than any porno ever could.

joe walked stiffly towards the couch, sitting next to you as he held out the script. his arm covered his crotch, which only made you more interested.

“it was a lot like this.” you nodded and flipped halfway through, skipping over all the cheesy buildup and glancing over some of the lines. after a while of reading the pages, you shut the packet again and gave it back. it was a basic porn script where joe was supposed to get head from a girl, nothing special.

“i’m assuming you thought about me instead of the girl?” you joked but he didn’t respond to it. you patted his thigh. “it’s all good, man. everyone has a wet dream every once in a while; it’s a part of being human.”

“but.. you’re a guy.” you nodded. clearly your explaination of just helping each other out didn’t suffice. you thought for a second before responding.

“well, you know eve was made from adam’s rib, right?” he nods. “then eve really isn’t that different to adam and you aren’t that different to me. it’s one in the same, you know?”

“i never really thought of it that way.” you nearly cooed at how gullible he is. you knew he never thought of it that way because every word was bullshit and would most likely send you to hell if god were real, but he still nodded along. “are you sure?”

“i’m sure.” you wrapped your arm around him and he leaned in, his head resting on your chest for a moment. if it weren’t for the lie you just told him, you might’ve cherished the moment.

“so my dreams aren’t bad?” he sounded so ashamed, his hands still gripping at his pants. he almost pouted as he asked, finally looking up at you and making eye contact. you stomach did a flip, his sweet expression physically hurting you.

“of coarse not, dude. i think it’s kinda nice,” you smile. his eyes widen, glimmering like a puppy’s you tell them how good they are.

“really?” you nod. he leans back into your arms. it really was sweet, his head resting against you as you rubbed his arm. “can i tell you something? and you can’t be mad.”

“shoot.” he tensed up again, slightly pulling away.

“i have.. jeez, i can’t say it.” his head fell forward, gripping at his pants again. you take your arm back, letting him letting him pull away fully. his hands covered himself again.

“it’s fine, man. you can show me if you can’t say it.” you tried not to assume anything, but you were proven correct as he pulled his hands away. an obvious bulge showed and you almost looked away from instinct. you never looked at another dude’s dick before, but it also felt wrong to avoid looking. you talked him through an orgasm while personally fantasizing about how he looked, cock and all, so why were you suddenly scared of it?

“i’m sorry..” he teared up, making you actually coo.

“aww, don’t apologize. do you want me to touch you?” you spoke gently, as if one wrong word would make him break. it probably would, considering he was already on the verge of crying from shame.

“i’m not sure,” he whimpered. you nodded, placing your hand on his thigh and rubbing.

“it’s okay. we don’t start filming for another hour or so. you can try using what i taught you again!” he blushed, facing away from you fully. you leaned close. “there’s nothing to be ashamed about, man. every guy’s had a boner in public.”

he groaned, leaned forward and covering his face. you patted his back, wondering if anyone noticed you were gone. it’d been several minutes and dave really needed your help. you leaned down again.

“i’m gotta get back to set. if you need me, just grab me, okay?” he nodded with a dramatic whine. dave asked a couple of questions before concluding that you took a shit on set. you laughed along with the jokes, even making some yourself, as you basically trained the new guy on how to set things up.

another 20 minutes pass and you were squating down on the ground, pointing out what gear was needed. you start to feel someone staring at you and as you turn, you make eye contact. joe had his head poked out from the hallway, staring at you with big eyes. he waved towards himself, pouting. you stood.

“give me just a second, i need the bathroom.” you walked away as dave threw some jokes at you. turning the corner, joe immediately dragged you into his dressing room. he shut the door behind him and quickly went to the couch to sit down.

“i-i tried,” he stuttered, raking his fingers through his hair and almost panting.

“you tried what?”

“i tried to do what you.. taught me.. but it still didn’t work. i-i think i need help.” he rambled, starting to cry. you nodded, stepping closer and crouching down to his level.

“hey, hey, it’s okay. you don’t gotta cry, man..” he nodded, wiping his tears and trying to hide his face. you rub his legs. “i can help. i just wanna make sure you’re okay with that.”

“i need you..” he whines, not even realizing what he said. you stifle a moan and continue to rub his legs. he looked down at you with a pout.

“what do you want me to do, baby?” you ask, your hand finding their way to the imprint on his slacks, massaging along the way. he relaxes into the touch, adjusting his position so he was on the edge of the couch.

“can you what you did in my dream?” he asked a little too quick. you nod, smiling at the idea of him jacking off to his own dream of you sucking him off, before realizing that meant you had to suck him off, not some fantasy version of you he made up. your face flushed as you squeezed, a little surprised by the size. you didn’t have expectations going in, but he could definitely do more pornos based on size. he whimpered as you touched him.

“you want me to give you head?” he lets out a cry, still humiliated by your words. most people wouldn’t think twice about the term, but joe felt himself melt as he heard it. “say it out loud. i need you to say yes or no.”

“yes..” his voice trembled.

“and..?” you waited as he tried to form the words, but consistantly falling short. you let go and he whines, grabbing your wrist.

“no, no, no- please, y/n. please- i need it..” he begged. you shook your head.

“i need to hear you say it before i can do it.”

“i-i want you to.. oh- i need you to give me h-head.” the words sounded foreign coming from his mouth. you’d never heard him speak like this genuinely, which only made you feel that corruptive urge again. you supressed a smile as he sniffles.

“good boy,” you praise. he whimpers as you touch him again. you feel him up, experimenting with what he liked before finding out he seemed to really enjoy the rougher squeezes. you ran your thumb over his clothed tip before fully gripping him. his back arched and a string of noises came out with only a few words thrown in.

“ah, ah, please-“ he sobbed still gripping your wrist harshly. you used your free hand to push it away, earning another hearty whine. you kissed his inner thigh, him shivering as he felt your breath against his thigh.

“keep your hands by your side. don’t want you getting too excited, right?” he nods, still oblivious to the jabs. you loved it, him innocently agreeing to you, even as you degraded and humiliated him. he plants both hands to his sides, gripping the cushions as you kiss again. you continued your little pecks up and up, making him tremble and melt. eventually you found yourself inches away from his cock, nerves stopping you from continuing. “you know, i’ve never done this before, right?”

“really?” he looked down at you, eyes lighting up when he realized that you also still had first times to experience, not just him. you nod. you weren’t really trying to be reassuring, but it was nice to see him become more confident in your dynamic.

“yeah, so you’re gonna have to tell me if you like it.” you said, but you wouldn’t be suprised if he found everything arousing. he nods, his eyes flicking between you and his cock. “you wanna watch, baby?”

he nods again, his face getting warmer by the second as yours did. if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was also into this. maybe he liked being corrupted, the humiliation of not knowing what was happening or the having words to express it. you unbuckle his belt, tapping his leg to get him to lean up. he does and watched you pull his boxers and pants down in one motion.

his legs tried to close around you, attempting to hide from exposure. for a moment, you hesitated. you’d never slept with a guy. you never touched a guy, never kissed a guy, hell, you never even liked a guy. now, you were on your knees in front of a mormon of all people with his dick in your face. you chewed on your lip, thinking.

“you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he said quickly. you look up at him. even though he was clearly desperate to feel your mouth on him, he must’ve seen how nervous you were, which made you smile. you nod.

“how about this: i touch you and if i feel comfortable blowing you later, i will.” he shivered at the terms you used, but agreed either way. it took you a few seconds to work up the courage to touch him. you experimented, running the very tip of your fingers down the underside, causing him to sigh heavily. with a little more motivation from his noises, you wrapped your hand around him.

running your hand up and down with little grip, you stopped towards the head. you rubbed circles right under the tip, smiling when his hips bucked. he whimpered, trying to keep himself still. his fingers dug into the couch as you stimulated him, almost the same way you’d do a girl’s clit. and just like a girl, he moaned nice and high.

even with his nails digging into the leather, it wasn’t enough. soon, he let go and grabbed at your hair, needing to touch. you whimper as he tugged, quickly apologizing. he wasn’t pushy like most guys would when they got a hold of somebody’s hair, instead detangling knots to make up for yanking your hair, only to do it again everytime you hit a sensitive spot.

with new found confidence, you started touching him the same way you did yourself. a rough grip, of which made him sob and squirm, and quick jerks. he almost wailed, fingers letting go of your locks and grabbing your shirt. the material bunched up into his hands before he let it go and grabbed onto your shoulder.

his hips bucked again, your free hand holding onto his hip and pinning it down. he whined, trying to take your hand away but obeying when your grip tightened. even though you originally used this as an excuse to not to give him head, you started to question how you really felt. his precum formed pretty little droplets, your fingers quickly wiping over it for lubricant. once another leaked out, you leaned forward, tongue quickly lapping over the liquid. your eyebrows furrowed, almost cringing at the taste before being distracted by his high pitched moan. his grip on your shoulder tightened and so did yours on his cock. you glanced up at him, making eye contact.

“a-ah!” he yelped, immediately ejaculating. you turned your head away, gritting your teeth as he came all over your hand and your body. he panted above you, whimpering as you let go. “i’m sorry- i’m sorry-“

he quickly apologized before he even finished, hips still bucking against your hand. you held your breath, trying to find the power in you to not freak out over another man’s jizz on your body. you looked back at him.

his cheeks were red, eyes wide and quickly flicking between each drop of cum on you. his chest rose and fell quickly as he adjusted himself, keeling over a bit as the tip dragged against the couch. he whimpered from overstimulation, still apologizing.

“it’s fine, man..” your voice strained, grabbing at a random shirt on the ground and wiping the side of your face before letting out the breath you’d been holding. “happens to the best of us.”

“here.” he grabbed the shirt from you, wiping over your hair and your neck before handing it back. he saw the tensed expression on your face and physically deflated at it. “i-i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to.. it just- i’m sorry.”

“i promise, it’s fine.” you wiped off your hand before discarding that shirt and grabbing another to hand him, letting him clean up. he took it. “i just.. wasn’t expecting it.”

both of you jumped as someone knocked on the door. he called out a quick ‘just a minute’ before quickly pulled up his pants as you stood, trying to find some place to hide. you huffed, not finding anywhere good and sitting next to joe.

“what are you doing?” he whisper-yelled. you grabbed the script and held it between you.

“helping you out with the script.” he nodded before saying ‘come in’. dave poked his head in.

“there you are! we’re starting in 5, you two. oh, and y/n, i need your help with this light.” you nod, stepping towards him. he held his hand out, making you stand still for a moment. he glanced over your body before chuckling. “i’m fucking with you. i just wanted to see if that was really cum on your shirt.”

your stomach dropped as he shut the door, suddenly feeling the urge to vomit. the room was silent before you slowly turned and saw the look of horror on joe’s face, completely still and not breathing.

somehow, you comforted him enough to leave the room within 5 minutes while finding something to put on that wasn’t soaked in joe’s cum. luckily, the new guy fucked up one of the cameras and they had to call the shoot off, rescheduling for the next day. knowing how anxious joe was, it felt like a blessing. you now stood outside, smoking a cigarette as you waited for dave to come tell you what time you needed to come in. joe stepped out the door, and slowly walked towards you, avoiding eye contact.

“i’m sorry.. again.” joe stood next to you. almost everyone left, everyone else already fed up and opting for dave to call them instead of waiting. you shrugged, flicking the ash away from him.

“it’s all good. at least i got a new shirt out of it,” you chuckle. he didn’t laugh, instead awkwardly looking away for a few minutes before walking off. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

he didn’t respond and you’d never admit it, but it hurt a little.

#joe young x reader #orgazmo #trey parker #joe young

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silken-threads-bah · 3 months ago

Note

Hellooo could we please get a demon headmate w a fatherly vibe? ^_^ Most is up to you, it would b nice if his name, prns and genders are masc though. For orientation he is very gay!! It would also b nice if he didnt get a role connected to headspace. Thank you have a great day!

Sorry this took so long! I wasn't entirely sure what you meant by the role thing, so I hope this is alright :) - Eden

Name: Rosier, Verrine, Baphomet, Lucifer

Age: immortal + ageless

Pronouns: he/him (alternatively flame/flames, hell/hells, goat/goats, sin/sins)

Gender(s): man, demongender, daredlightmasc

Orientation: gay

Source(s): n/a

Role: protector, caretaker, emergency fronter

Personality: despite his initially scary appearance, he's very kind and nurturing. He quickly takes people under his wing and will protect and guide them, especially if they seem anxious or scared frequently. He can be a bit goofy at times, his favorite way of calming down anyone that's anxious or upset is by making them laugh. He's very protective and will shove others out of front if they seem incapable of handling what's going on, even if it's just to do something as simple as socialize or take a shower.

Interests: demonolatry, dungeons and dragons, cryptids, dad jokes, older TV shows, comedy movies

Extra info: he constantly makes dad jokes and quotes Vines. He thinks he's being hip and cool, but he's not.

Faceclaims:

#alter packs #build a headmate #build an alter #plurality #pro endo

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fuckedupheadtotail · 1 year ago

Text

Survey results

First of all, I'd like to thank all 37 people who took this survey for trusting me with such sensitive information, I take this trust very seriously and my lips remain sealed.

To clarify things, I'd like to explain why I use the word interest in survey questions. Some people would call it their kink, some their fetish, and some neither (but still think it's of a kink- or fetish-aligned nature), and just defaulting to calling it an interest just made sentences flow more smoothly than just going "kink/fetish/whatever you'd call it" ad nauseam.

In the questions with freeform answers, my commentary will be in red to distinguish from quoted survey answers

Q1: What is your gender identity?

I expected this, as well as the two following questions, to mostly line up with general tumblr demographics, which they for the most part did, but with some exceptions. The largest demographic here was cis women (41%), followed by unaligned non-binary (24%), cis men (16%) trans men or transmasculines (14%) and others (6%). I was expecting slightly more trans men & mascs and I certainly expected a handful of trans women & fems but other than that this checks out. Additionally, the cis to non-cis ratio is 57% cis and 43% non-cis.

Q2: What is your sexuality?

The largest demographic here was bisexuals (30%), followed by straights (22%), asexuals (19%), pansexuals (16%), tie between gay and lesbian (5% each) and others (3%). Surprised with the number of straights, especially since all straight respondents were also cis - certainly more cishets than I would expect. This isn't a bad thing of course.

Q3: Where do you live?

78% of respondents were from North America, 14% from Europe, 5% from South America and 3% from Oceania. No respondents from Africa or Asia. This lines up with what I expected, except that I did expect more from Oceania.

Q4: At which age did you discover or realize your interest?

This was a very even distribution trending toward younger ages. 35% responded tweenhood (8-12), 27% early childhood (7 or under) and 24% it's been with me for as long as I can remember. 8% responded adolescence (13-17) and 5% adulthood (18 and over).

Q5: Which of the following options would you say factor into your interest?

The four options I had here are things I personally default to when an outsider asks me why I'm into this. 36% responded vulnerability, 33% intimacy, 14% shame and 13% taboo. The respondents who chose other responded embarassment, control/dominance and the noise itself.

Q6: If you'd like, elaborate on the appeal you personally see with your interest

"I don’t consciously see an appeal, other than it’s cute sometimes? I do have a thing for vulnerability to be fair so that’s probably the main factor."

"The vulnerability of knowing that you're hungry bc your belly is rumbling. Also just love to lift up my top and let my tummy growl whilst I'm alone and in bed lol"

"desperation. an aftercare aspect is also important"

"Just the concept of your body having its own alert system telling you when something is or isn’t inside it is really cute to me, plus I’m a sucker for ‘unusual’ things causing people physical arousal, and the idea of a belly rumbling giving someone that feeling is very nice"

"Always thought bellies were cute, liked to role-playing stomach issues as a kid and wrote sic fics as a preteen. Still into that stuff - primarily as hurt/comfort- but also became about it sexually. Stomach noises aren't my main but I like them as an indicator of discomfort."

"The sound, especially when it's persistent and loud (which is why hunger works so well). The feel of it growling against my or someone else's hand or body. The empty feeling right before it growls"

"90% of the time for me, I only enjoy this kink in more soft and fluffy scenarios. Torture and stuff like that is too intense for me personally, but I will occaaaasionally dabble in whump. Hurt/comfort with hunger is my favorite thing ever. Teasing and embarrassment are a big part of it for me, not sure why. Personal fave scenario is when it involves typically stoic and/or prideful characters. Takes 'em down a peg to have such a basic human need to embarrass them."

"The last one said vulnerability and I very much agree with that. But it's hunger it's soooo hunger"

"Noises and various round/roundish stomach shapes. Calming to hear"

"I just really like the noises, and how unique they all are :)"

"I enjoy the variety of sounds a stomach can make, though my main interest lies in hunger sounds. I love the different reactions stomach growls can get out of the people who hear/experience them, from embarrassment, shame, arousal, and even disgust (in the case of someone being degraded for the sounds their stomach makes). A major appeal for me is that it’s something the body does on its own, completely outside of your control. You may be the most composed businessperson but you’re never safe from the embarrassment of a growling stomach in the middle of a conference. I enjoy how stomach sounds can sound hollow and sad, or loud, or borderline cartoony. Personifying the stomach by describing its sounds as representing emotions is also enjoyable to me."

"It's honestly very hard to explain. I just like it a lot and I'm not too sure why. I definitely like the fact that people will feel embarrassed and try to hide it. I also like when people act stoic and try to pretend that nothing is happening x3"

"Just feeling the rumbles themselves always feels so exhilarating and sensual. I want to share that kind of fun and intimacy with someone with the same kink or someone who would be willing to indulge irl someday."

Q7: If you can clearly pinpoint a single moment that awakened your interest, which of the following best describes it?

72% responded media exposure, and 8% each on trauma and non-traumatic real life experience. The respondents in the other category were primarily concerning having no clear memory.

Q8: If you'd like, elaborate on this awakening moment

"It was always cartoon characters stomach growling when I first discovered this kink"

"I found a post on IsItNormal asking about the interest, which is what made me realize that it was something I was into."

"Courage the cowardly dog, flan episode"

"The interest had already been culminating ever since I was young through stomach growling scenes from various shows but one of the ones that really sealed it for me was an episode from Hannah Montana where Miley sneaks out and her friends Lily and Oliver pretend to be her through the door when the dad asks what’s up. All of a sudden a super loud growl emitted from Oliver’s tummy and he whispered in a panic to Lily that he hadn’t eaten all day. I definitely remember feeling quite hot and flustered during the whole thing."

"I liked the idea of stomachaches even younger but around 10-11 I read a lot of young adult novels centered around illness ? So not an awakening bc I already knew to choose those books. I also read the part of Stephen King's It where Ritchie pukes until the page fell out."

"Thinking it was "weird" and being in denial most of my life, then embracing it"

"I was watching cartoons with a family member. A character’s stomach growled onscreen, and I immediately felt embarrassed and hot in the face, almost uncomfortable. I got squirmy and felt the need to leave the room."

"It had to be when I was 3-5? Because I was watching Wonder Pets. There was an episode where they were by a geyser and it was about to go off and Tuck the Turtle said something about thinking it was his stomach growling. Or maybe the other guys said "hey was that you" I don't know. But I thought about that so much afterwards and then it bled into every child interest I had. I was embarrassed by it even though I didn't see it as taboo, it just felt really personal to me"

"I don't think I had a particular awakening moment, but I do remember several times when watching TV with my family, how I'd get really embarrassed whenever a character's stomach growled. I remember one specific time where I saw the title screen for an episode quite literally about stomach growling, which I had already seen, and I had to physically leave the room bc I knew I could not handle it lmao (side note the episode in question was like. good god man. tbh I refuse to believe that not a single writer for that episode didn't also have this fetish bc it was so over the top and in your face. [If anyone's curious the episode is Rabbid Tummy Rumble from Rabbids Invasion. Shit was wild.])"

"I think it was when I joined the internet and I saw other people engaging in similar topics to what I was interested in, and when I found out they were doing it because of a ‘fetish’, I was like “Whoaaa I didn’t know I had that.”"

"I don't remember the exact moment, but I remember watching a cartoon where a character's stomach growled multiple times in a scene, and I was ENAMORED. I kept rewinding the scene back and back to listen to the character's stomach :)"

"I was in 2nd grade when I first became exposed to vore content through Youtube. Even at the time, I knew there was something about it that appealed to me, but I didn't know what exactly it was until I was older. I realized that me discovering those videos ended up leading me down a rabbit hole where I also discovered that it wasn't just vore I was into, but rather bellies in general. I still feel shameful about it since I doubt I'd be into this kind of stuff had I not come across those videos, but I also feel that I've become more accepting of myself over this now that I am an adult. Looking back on it, I am also a little bit disappointed that it was Kphoria videos of all things that exposed me to this kind of stuff instead of something of better quality. I am also a bit mortified of the fact that my dad has caught my 2nd grade self watching those videos not long after I've discovered them. I just hope he doesn't remember that moment."

I'd say there's no right or wrong way to develop a kink or fetish, it's not like you can help it, so no need to beat yourself up about it.

"i wouldn't necessarily say it's a single moment so much as i experienced neglect growing up and the brain does strange things"

"Caught my siblings watching something they shouldnt have and got stuck watching it before I remember that it wasn’t appropriate for them. It was an animated vore video on YouTube."

"I think i can recall in very early childhood having a lot of weird feelings around this interest. Being very young and feeling like ‘hungry’ was a dirty word to say and things like that. Feeling kind of scandalized when something involving it would happen, the way I now feel as an adult if someone were to speak about sex way too casually. It was around when I was 12 that I saw a compilation on youtube of anime characters stomachs growling and that was when I realized my confusion around the subject was sexual in nature."

I can definitely relate to feeling weird and scandalized as a kid! I hear a lot of people say they as kids would always rewind kink-suggestive scenes to watch over and over but as for me, I wanted nothing to do with rumbling bellies, because they just made me feel a very strong emotion I could not understand (arousal) and being confused like that just made me angry.

Q9: Do you have any related interests?

41% of responses included hunger, 25% stuffing/feedism, 14% vore, 6% eructophilia, 5% eproctophilia and 10% others, including (most to least picked) emetophilia, cardiophilia and scat. Overall, 95% of respondents had at least one related interest.

Q10: If you have related interest(s), would you consider it a chicken-or-the-egg situation?

83% of respondents answered yes, with 50% saying their interest in stomach noises inspired them to develop their related interest(s) and 33% vice versa. 17% responded no, that they arose independently of one another.

Q11: Which cause(s) of stomach noises interest(s) you the most?

56% of responses included hunger, 27% digestion, 12% indigestion, 3% nausea and 1% no preference. I was surprised to see hunger be more popular than digestion, I was under the impression that it was the other way around given that a lot of YouTube content leans more digestion than hunger. Then again, this may be sampling bias at play since I did post the survey in the hunger kink tag.

Q12: How noisy is your own stomach?

49% of respondents answered only in certain circumstances (example: only if I'm hungry), 27% somewhat, 14% not at all :( and 11% very.

Q13: Do you have any bowel issues or food intolerances that manifest with a noisy belly?

This is a question I was particularily curious about because on the rare occasions I've seen kink negative people try to justify hating this interest in a way that makes them seem righteous about it, they'll often go for the angle of "fetishizing chronic illness". As a certified lead belly this has embedded some insecurities in me, namely that I'll meet a potential partner who happens to have a bowel issue and would feel fetishized should I divulge this part of myself, and if I fumble particularily badly that my ass will be spread wide open on r/relationships or r/AITA. I'm sorry if I just gave y'all a brand new fear. But I digress, I was curious if there were people in the community with pathologically noisy bellies who may or may not have this interest in part to cope.

62% of responses included no, 23% yes, bowel issue(s) and 15% yes, food intolerance(s).

Q14: If you have partner(s), do they know?

72% of respondents answered no, with the remainder tied between yes, they share my interest and yes, but they don't share my interest, at 14% each.

Q15: If your partner(s) know(s) but don't share your interest, how do they feel about it?

"he likes teasing me about it in a good-natured way. i am still processing too much shame to bring it up or be particularly responsive much"

"They like that I'm into it so he'll purposely make his belly noisy typically with digestion but sometimes hunger"

"Currently broken up, but when we dated we were actually both into the same things, they leaned more into the feederism side of things while I did more so the hunger. But we both enjoyed both overall, so it played a huge role in our intimacy"

"I'm single now but ex didn't mind and was happy that it could turn me on"

"I don’t have a partner at the moment but I like to imagine if I did then they’d be perfectly fine with it, but I wouldn’t mind if they didn’t indulge. I wouldn’t want to make them if they weren’t into it"

"This is my first time sharing this stuff w a partner (We met on Tumblr!) and it's a fucking dream. I never explicitly told exes. Most recent ex actually discovered my tumblr and was loud about his disgust but who knows if he would have acted differently had we been together at that time. (That ex was v normie and told me he didn't understand how anyone could get sexual satisfaction from anything non-sexual. How boring)"

I think you could have a partner indulge even if they weren't personally into it, many are prepared to indulge in things they don't necessarily like because just knowing it gets their partner off is enough reward for them. YMMV though, and obviously consent still matters.

Q16: Do you prefer to listen to somebody else's stomach, or to have your own stomach making noises?

46% of respondents answered no preference, 43% prefer noises from somebody else's stomach and 11% prefer to have my own stomach make noises.

Q17: How do you explore and manifest your interest?

I totally forgor to add an option for listening to belly recordings other people have uploaded, when I totally should've. Shout out to the people who added this through the "Other" option. 19% responded consuming fiction, 16% consuming art, 15% consuming prompts, then a tie between creating fiction and fasting at 11% each, then 28% other entries which include (most to least picked) creating art, recording my stomach, creating prompts, listening to partner's stomach and eating things my stomach tends to digest loudly.

Q18: How do you tend to react if you hear a stomach growling in public, or if it's mentioned in public?

"I feel a little embarrassed. I don’t tend to enjoy fiending over people unless I know it’s consensual- or rather if its in a context where people are aware that theyre being viewed in a sexual way, if that makes sense- but that isn’t to say I dont sometimes take inspiration from real life scenarios if they interest me. Usually if my body has a physical reaction to hearing someones stomach growl i feel a little ashamed."

"Embarrassed"

"Well the rational part of me takes over thank god. I usually will just stay silent to not embarrass whoever it was, but if it's bad for them I might tease them but probably suggest they eat or offer anything if I had it. I Will Not Lie I do find these situations very attractive though. In the back of my head I am not normal at all. Like I'll start tapping my fingers or shift in my seat probably."

"I try not to react; I'll sit there still faced and if someone addresses it in front of me, I'll kinda nod and laugh to clear up the tension."

"i ignore it as much as possible"

"If it's regarding someone else I just try to act as normal as possible while keeping a straight face. If it's regarding me, I'd easily get embarrassed about it and quickly try to change the subject."

"I'm good at hiding my kink, so I'm able to just ignore it."

"My body reacts involuntarily, I’ll squirm a little and sometimes get aroused because of it. I also get embarrassed, though I put effort into not showing any visible reaction. If it’s mentioned, I secretly wish the conversation would stay on the topic of it, so I could listen in."

"Would act like it was no big deal but internally trying not to over enthuse about the moment."

"It actually makes me uncomfortable because my brain is hardwired into thinking it's sexual."

"Immediate embarrassment. The same way a normal person would react if someone started talking about something sexual next to you. Like I know that to them its just 'omg my stomach was growling so loud today I'm starving ahah.' but to me its like your describing your last hookup like dude are you not ashamed?? why're you saying this so casually-"

"I usually get very flustered."

"Don't really respond or acknowledge it, but internally it depends. Usually it makes me uncomfortable when ppl mention it, oddly enough."

"Try to ignore it and might feel awkward/embarrassed but turned on and flustered if it's someone I'm attracted to"

"Interested/attentive to the details"

"Depends on the person. If it’s someone I know personally, especially relatives, I get uncomfortable. If it’s a person I barely know, I feel a mix of excitement and embarrassment"

I can definitely relate to feeling uncomfortable when it's relatives!

"Growling isn't my main thing but visible/obvious bellies get me"

"I'd probably blush and try not to get aroused by it >w<"

"I’d normally feel awkward and try to ignore it but if someone I was attracted to had their stomach growling or mention being hungry or whatever I’d secretly be really turned on."

"Silent on the outside but intrigued on the inside"

"I don't react. Weirdly, it's only hot when it's my belly rumbling whilst I'm alone. I think it's bc I've seen too many creepy comments from cis men sexualising other people's growling bellies without their knowledge e.g. a man talking about a "young lady" with a hungry tummy in the library and how he found it hot, but the poor thing was probably just trying to study and could have been embarrassed."

This was the main outlier in this question. I definitely understand feeling creeped out by cis men - no offense to the cis men who responded to this survey, y'all seem to have good heads on your shoulders - but my two cents is that hiring a cop inside your head about it isn't very productive, it won't stop the actual creeps and you'll just feel guilty over thought crimes. Maybe I feel this way because I see more of people swinging in the opposite direction - thinking the best way to combat fetish mining is to assume every kinky person is out to assault you if you happen to do something that turns them on. As I've put it in a post on my personal blog, it's beginning to approach "I don't mind gay people as long as they don't hit on ME ;)" territory with a dash of white woman human trafficking posting. I can't dictate how you personally feel of course, but I think it's important to emphasize that merely the act of getting a boner over a stranger isn't a moral failing.

Q19: How do you think your interest is viewed by outsiders, generally speaking?

46% of respondents answered unsure, 32% there's significant stigma, 16% split down the middle and 5% most people would accept it.

Q20: If you've experienced stigma over your interest, feel free to elaborate on what was said and how it made you feel

Before getting into the answers, I'm gonna drop one comment in particular I've seen a couple of times, namely that there was a very infamous murderer who appeared to harbor borborygmophilic desires. Even putting aside the fact that we all should understand that guilt by association is a logical fallacy by like, age 11, I do find it curious that this exact same person also seemed to hold cardiophilic desires, yet that's never mentioned when the topic of cardiophilia is brought up. I'm not saying this to gatekeep cardiophiles or whatever, you're awesome and I'm sure you have to deal with shit too, but it's curious when outsiders have this cognitive dissonance, the layman just has an easier time understanding the appeal and intimacy of listening to heartbeats because we put a lot of emphasis on the heart in many cultures, while the digestive system is considered more "unclean". I consider it similar to how hand fetish is usually seen as more "inoffensive" than foot fetish by outsiders.

"i don't tell anyone but i've seen people's disgusted comments on content"

"I'm not really sure? My besties know but after I told them I try to keep it downplayed as much as possible, especially since my main focus is hunger and that is such a normal every day thing. So it's a little awkward basically alienating one of my main needs as a human being and delegating it to some Weird Methods just to avoid saying the words "I'm hungry" but you know how it is"

"I have not personally experienced stigma due to this fetish but I have seen comments about it in a derogatory way, which has lead me to feel insecure at times (I understand most of the negative reaction comes from the more pushy side of the community but it still reaches the calmer side which is how I managed to see it)"

"I constantly hear how the feederism community is promoting obesity and how the hunger fetish community is promoting anorexia. I do get it in all honesty, theres obviously the people that take it too far sometimes, and I'm not for that. I honestly still struggle to be attracted to these things if its outside of fiction because my rational brain kicks in and I worry about their safety. I honestly see it as every kink has its dark side, but you just gotta know when too much is too much and if this part should just stay fiction. Like BDSM is a much more popular and accepted kink, and you could also argue that its promoting dark subjects, but if done right with safety in mind, its fine and great for everyone."

Yeah, it really grinds my gears when people assume hunger kink by default means starvation and disordered eating. Like grow up most of us just like "whoops I forgor to eat and now my tummy's bothering me about it" type of scenarios followed by a well deserved meal, and those who like more intense scenarios than that either keep it in fiction or take long breaks between play sessions and make sure to do adequate aftercare. If you can understand that people who like say, impact play, don't want to literally beat the shit out of people, they just want to inflict mild and fleeting pain to a partner who derives pleasure that by far outweighs the pain, you should be able to understand this too

"I think some people who do not understand the nature of how fetishes work may be quick to label this one as gross or degenerate. I also fear the stigma coming from the eating disorder community, and being misunderstood as supporting that kind of behavior."

"I've seen people call it weird online, never personally but that alone makes me feel ashamed"

"Not quite stigma, but my friend (the only person who knows about me being into this thing) sometimes teases me about it, but only bc I'm okay with it and they've never mentioned it around anyone else."

Q21: Pick a favorite onomatopoeia

This was mostly just for fun, but I was also curious if there were preference patterns between say, people who prefer hunger and people who prefer digestion. 30% of respondents answered growl, 16% rumble, 14% gurgle, then a tie between grumble and groan at 11% each and 19% other entries, including (most to least picked) howl, roar, whine, moan, churn and borborygmus. Squelch was an option but was not picked by anybody.

The strongest preference patterns I saw was the correlation between growl and hunger, rumble and hunger, rumble and digestion and gurgle and digestion.

Q22: Do you consent to your freeform answers being quoted in a summary of the results of this survey?

Just so we're on the same page, by freeform answers I mean answers to questions 6, 8, 15, 18, 20 and 23. I don't think the results of this question are super relevant to my analysis though.

Q23: Any closing thoughts?

"i feel like it's telling how stigmatized and shamed having any kind of kink is that i can barely even discuss it with my own partner who has no problem with it in private because i've internalized so much shame just from seeing how other people are treated"

"Sorry if I'm not exactly your demographic but this was fun"

"Hehe tummy go grr"

Co signed!

"Not entirely relevant, but I think I might be one of the only people to have both borborygmophilia but also emetophobia. Haven't heard of anyone else in the same situation, so I thought I'd mention it."

"This quiz felt very thought through and welcoming, and it was very interesting exploring my fetish outside of the little scenarios I make up in my head haha. Thank you for creating this, it was fun to do <3"

"I used to think my interest was a fetish, and theres a potential that it still is. Because I used to only be able to experience arousal when listening to stomach noises or imagining them. However I’ve found that in doing trauma processing in therapy, I am now able to experience arousal from ‘normal things’, like porn or erotic fiction (even if its vanilla). The arousal is not as strong, consistent or frequent as the arousal I experience due to my stomach kink, but it is real all the same.

I think it may also be worth noting that I noticed growing up that a lot of people on tumblr with the same interests as me (who were also fem, female or woman adjacent in any way) were lesbian and/or ace, but had a preference for male stomach noises over female stomach noises, myself included."

I feel really reluctant to share this ‘kink’ with anyone in my life, even including my partner, because I feel a lot of shame and like I’m weird for having this interest. As a result, I typically only ever want to read about fictional scenarios and have little to no interest of incorporating real life instances of my kink into my love life. I’m only just now beginning to consider telling my partner about it.

I haven't noticed the pattern of lesbian/ace women and fems, but that's interesting! Maybe it's a matter of trying to avoid objectifying women, similar to how some male musicians get homoerotic on stage seemingly as an outlet to be horny without objectifying women. Idk, I'm just spitballing here.

"This was honestly a pretty cool survey. Thank you for the opportunity! ^^"

"Thank you for this survey! It makes me feel less alone in my experiences when people openly discuss things like this that are normally considered taboo."

"I really appreciate you making this survey. I’ve always found it strange that other belly related kinks like vore and feederism are fairly well known (though are often made fun of) yet the stomach growling kink which goes hand in hand with the others is seemingly quite uncommon and under the radar. I can’t wait to see the final results and know the full scope of this community."

I think one reason we fly under the radar is because there's no widely used term. This is why I throw around borborygmophilia a lot, once it sticks maybe more people will realize this is a thing that exists, and in the meantime it's just a fun way for me to be pretentious and namedrop my vice while having it fly over the heads of most people.

#belly kink #hunger kink #stomach growling #belly noises #belly gurgles #tummy noises

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