#I just remember this bizarre scene at my last job

[scentedluminarysoul]

Okay, while I hate people vaping where smoking isn't allowed, as someone who does neither but has asthma, I much prefer vaping

If you absolutely meed to kill yourself by inhaling shit, please vape. It at least smells better

Anyway, as an ex smoker, "weening off" cigarettes is bullshit. It's a marketing ploy to sell you stuff like gums and patches and shit. I was on 30+ cigarettes a day and quit, went right down to zero.

What really works is a) you really need to want to quit, and b) you have to identify your problem

Because sure, nicotine is addictive, but honestly? Not really. Not enough to make it actually hard to quit (sorry not sorry)

I wanted to quit and main thing was that it was a habit. Like literally a habit. After eating, after getting up, while driving, during work breaks, etc. I was just used to smoke in those situations

And not to sound like a pretentious cunt or anything, but this is literally true: I randomly found a 20 minute YouTube video about how to actively change that habit and that was it. Yes obviously it took some work in those specific situations when they arose, but I honest to fuck quit then and there and never touched a single cigarette again and never wanted to

Again, I was a heavy smoker who got up in the middle of the night to have a smoke (undiagnosed adhd doing its part as well I guess), and I quit cold turkey and I never regretted it. And it wasn't hard. I didn't suffer at all, no withdrawal or anything

But again, you have it to want it yourself. People telling you you need to quit, you knowing "oh I should really quit", that won't work or at least make it super hard

Anyway. I got diagnosed with asthma years after quitting and my lung function has been steadily getting better. Cigarettes have also become ridiculously expensive. I made the decision to not have a cat as long as I still smoked, because I'm not that rancid to subject a poor critter to it. And now I have a little guy sleeping next to me

Quitting is worth it. Take it from this weak-willed moron

But "weening off" products are literally designed to keep you addicted for longer so that they can sell you more stuff. Iirc, there's studies that show they'll make you addicted more. Don't buy them. And that includes vapes if you want to quit smoking through them

Unless, of course, you don't actually intend to quit smoking. Then, again, please vape. Smells better.

I know I sound like your mom but you kids need to stop fucking vaping

[perotovar]

baby, i'm-a want you — (ch 1) "session one"

gif by me

pairing: joel miller/dieter bravo (just this time. main pairing is still javi/joel) rating: E (18+) mdni word count: 3.5k content: swearing, joel and tommy's southern accents being cute af, dieter being a menace, joel being awkward af (but it's cute), cringey porn dialogue, male masturbation (briefly), one (1) handjob, one (1) blowjob (it's messy), lmk if i missed anything! dividers: @saradika-graphics beta: @qveerthe0ry (ily ♥)

summary: javier peña has been doing this a long time. he's really good at his job. joel miller? not so much. he started doing this to get some extra cash to support his daughters. what happens when they're supposed to do a scene together? aka, the au where most of the ppcu boys are gay porn stars~

(read this first ->) prologue | series masterlist

Joel never would have guessed he’d do something like this ten years ago. Hell, not even five years ago. He’s not even totally sure how he got here, if he’s honest with himself.

He just remembers an, admittedly shady, business-looking man coming up to him and shoving a business card in his face. He asked if Joel had ever slept with men before. Joel was taken aback and thought he was coming onto him in a really bizarre way. He had, but that was none of this man’s business as far as he was concerned.

“There’s no pressure, I promise. Here, my website is on the card. If you see what you like, you gimme a call, okay?” The man had winked, grabbed his coffee, and left. 

Joel was left sitting in the middle of that coffee shop stunned into silence.

Later that night, sitting in front of the laptop Sarah nearly forced on him, he clumsily typed (using only his index fingers) the name of the website from the business card into the search bar.

Love Bites

The name and the man, Max Phillips according to the card, and his invasive question should’ve told him everything he needed to know, but Joel wasn’t prepared for the absolute onslaught of nudity he was met with.

“Jesus–” Joel mumbled to himself, slamming the laptop closed. Not that that would take it away, but he could hope. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head to himself. “The fuck you get yourself into, Miller?” He grumbled.

Slowly, and with one eye closed, he opened his laptop again. Once he got both eyes on it again, the website wasn’t… too bad. Well, it was still a porn site, but it wasn’t anything he hadn't seen before. He started looking around some more and didn’t bother turning it down. He lived alone now, both girls having moved out within the last year or so. He missed the hell out of them, and frankly, found himself bored more often than not. He and Tommy still owned Miller Contracting, but Joel stuck to the delegating and organizing part now. He had too many knee and back problems to keep up on the actual building part.

His finger rolled over to the “profiles” section of the website. He raised a brow and clicked on the trackpad hesitantly. There were several headshots of the men that made content for the website. He felt his cock twitch in his jeans and cleared his throat awkwardly, exhaling heavily. Well, it… had been a while. What could it hurt, right? 

He did have a lot of options…

Dark eyes trailing over the men on the site, he smiled softly. They all had little biographies that explained what their sexualities and preferences were. He snorted a little at seeing two different cowboys; one gay and a little older than himself, the other bisexual and perhaps around the same age. The younger cowboy had a prominent mustache and had a preference for “tying people up”. Bit on the nose in Joel’s opinion, but there was something for everyone. The older cowboy tended toward more amateur-style, “romantic” videos. Joel’s heart softened a little, but decided he wasn’t really in the mood for that sort of thing. 

In his search, he found just about everything; a messy haired, self proclaimed “adventurous” sort, a masked man that liked to roleplay, a clean cut looking man that considered himself a “romantic”. You name it, they probably had it. But his eyes landed on a particular man…

He had deep, intense eyes and a thick mustache. His hair was styled like he walked out of the 80s and he was wearing a thin gold chain. He had a bit of a Burt Reynolds thing going on, and normally that wouldn’t be something Joel was into, but this time, well… 

Joel clicked on his – Javier’s – page and started browsing the videos he had available. His bio said he was “fluid and polyamorous”, but Joel didn’t know what that meant. Wow, he was… popular. That didn’t surprise Joel at all, but his eyes landed on one of Javier’s “solo” videos. It looked like it was filmed in his apartment, but it probably wasn’t from how well lit it was. The video started off like Joel guessed all of them did; a fancy graphic with the words “Love Bites” in the center of the screen before the sound effect of someone taking a bite out of something, and a faint moan. The tips of Joel’s ears warmed, but he pressed on, watching Javier walk onto screen and sit in the middle of the couch that was in frame. 

Javier’s jeans were very tight, but maybe even moreso because of how fucking hard he looked to be. Joel swallowed a lump in his throat, his cock twitching again. Javier had an easy smirk on his handsome face, but he seemed like he didn’t have the cockiness that Joel expected a pornstar to have. The video seemed like it was personally sent to Joel and that thought made Joel’s cock stand to attention almost comically quickly. Unzipping his own jeans, he groaned at the constriction leaving, allowing him to breathe easier. He squeezed his cock and looked back at the video, Javier already getting started without him. He was stroking his own cock slowly, almost teasingly, biting a plump bottom lip. Joel moaned and shut his eyes for a quick second as he took himself in hand–

Ring, ring.

Joel groaned, squeezing his cock harder, and dug his phone out of his pocket. Tommy. He sighed and paused the video on Javier’s blissed out face and big hand wrapped around his–

Ring, ring.

“Christ, Tommy, what is it?” He grumbled, pressing the too-new-for-his-liking phone to his ear.

“Jesus, who pissed in your oatmeal this mornin’?” Tommy’s easy voice filtered in, a chuckle wrapped around his words. “And why are ya outta breath? Ya okay?”

“What–? Yeah, ‘m fine, Tommy. Why y’callin’?”

“Wonderin’ if ya could stop by tonight. Maria’s makin’ meatloaf and I know ya like it.”

Joel did really like Maria’s meatloaf. He sighed to himself and shut his laptop, his cock having softened considerably since hearing his brother’s voice. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat, trying to subtly zip up his jeans while he held the phone against his shoulder. “I’ll come over in a little bit, just gotta… gonna make a phone call.”

“Ooh, ya finally have a date, old man?”

“Can it,” Joel grunted. “‘M forty-three. Ain’t that old. And no, I was gonna call Sarah. See how her classes are goin’.”

“Send her our love, will ya? ‘N tell her she’ll have a cousin soon. Maria’s ‘bout to pop any day. ‘M scared to death,” Tommy sighed. The happiness was clear in his voice, though. Joel was happy for him, and smiled to himself. “How’s Ellie doin’, by the way?”

“Good. Think she said somethin’ ‘bout joinin’ a… roller derby team? Don’t rightly know, but,” he shrugged to himself. “Sounded like somethin’ she’d like, way she was describin’ it.”

Talking on the phone with Tommy always went the same way. He’d find a way to chew up a couple hours of your time, but Joel never minded. Once they said their goodbyes and their I-love-yous, Joel picked up Max Phillips’ business card and sighed, rubbing his thumb over the phone number.

What could it hurt, right?

That was two years ago. He’s been working for Love Bites for two years and had been avoiding Javier Peña as much as he could.

Joel’s never been good at… initiating conversations. Ellie would always give him shit for it. She usually went up to whoever had caught Joel’s eye and slyly made it her goal to get them to come over to him. 

But Ellie wasn’t here and she never would be. His girls knew what he did and even if they were a little concerned for him at first, they saw how much happier he’d been since joining. He was healthier, gaining a bit of “chub” as Sarah called it, and a healthier glow to his skin. He was on camera more often now, so he had to eat well and work out a little more. He didn’t do anything too crazy, and the audience that watched his videos had a lot of positive opinions and comments about his physique. It made him blush to think about it for too long, so he tried not to.

What was he saying?

Oh, right. Avoiding Javier Peña.

He’d had a huge crush on him ever since that first video he watched, and frankly, didn’t want to make a fool of himself if he talked to him. He’s filmed one video with him and it was the best Joel had felt in years. He almost came too quickly, and the video was supposed to be twenty minutes long. They had to pause so Joel could calm himself down, but Javier was patient and lovely with him. Javier had been doing this a lot longer than Joel had, so he wasn’t worried, which made Joel feel better. Just a little embarrassed. Afterwards, he had to leave, making up a story about seeing his girls for dinner that night.

“Javi!”

Joel’s eyes snapped up from his phone. He was in the middle of texting Sarah, saying that he’d call her when he got home from work. He had a scene with Dieter today.

And there he was. God. Joel’s cheeks flushed at the sight of Javier standing in the hall in his robe. He must’ve just finished his scene with Shane, the new kid. He couldn’t hear what he was saying, but the sound of Javier’s deep, commanding voice was enough to send a chill down Joel’s spine. Before he knew it, Javier was talking animatedly with Steve, another actor, as they walked off down the hall and disappearing around a corner.

He knew, realistically, relationships between porn actors could happen. Silva and Jake had been together for years. Joel’s problem with that was, well… Joel. His last real relationship was with Sarah’s mom years ago, and when the girls were in high school he had a relationship with this guy, Ezra for a while.

Smack!

“Jesus–!” Joel jumped, holding onto one of his ass cheeks protectively. Only one person would have done that.

“Hey, handsome,” Dieter grinned, sticking a hand down the back pocket of Joel’s jeans and squeezing. “Getting lost in Javi’s eyes again?” He winked.

“N-no! I am not,” Joel grumbled, finishing off his text and shoving his phone in his pocket.

Dieter snorted and rolled his eyes, then removed his hand to hold it out for Joel to take. “C’mon, big guy. You get to cum on my face today,” he smirked.

Filming with Dieter always felt good. He was a bit wild for Joel’s personal tastes, but he always made sure Joel was comfortable, and today was no different. 

Joel was playing a “plumber” that needed to work on Dieter’s “pipes”. This of course led to Dieter offering to “pay” in his own way. 

“Oh, come on, big guy like you doesn’t need money, right?” Dieter recited his lines expertly, running a hand down Joel’s t-shirt covered chest. “Bet it gets lonely doing this sort of work, huh?”

Joel had gotten a lot better at the acting part of things over the past couple of years. He was super stiff (and not in the right way) in the beginning, but now, he easily plastered on a smirk, eyes glued to Dieter’s lips. “Sometimes,” he shrugged, a big hand hovering over Dieter’s shoulder. Dieter saw the hand out of the corner of his eye and grinned, curling his fingers around Joel’s thick wrist and moving it down to his ass.

Joel smirked, squeezing the plump flesh appreciatively. “Bit forward o’ you,” he rumbled.

Dieter visibly shivered and bit his lip. “Sexy guy like you, of course I am,” he breathed. He leaned forward and kissed Joel messily, the hand on Joel’s torso moving down to unzip his jeans. Joel was already painfully hard and grunted into Dieter’s mouth when his pants were opened and lowered enough to pull his cock free. Dieter moaned and curled his fingers around Joel’s shaft, pumping rhythmically.

They stayed like that for a while; open mouth kisses, heavy breathing from Joel, and Dieter’s moans being picked up by the mics. 

Dieter pulled away to look down at the thick cock in his hand and bit his lip at the sight. “Fuck,” he groaned, his own cock twitching in his sweats. “Can I suck your cock?” He looked up at Joel demurely, eyes big and nearly black with desire.

Joel forgot he was supposed to be acting for a minute and grunted, hips bucking into Dieter’s grasp. “F-fuck, yeah,” he nodded, eyes glazed over. Dieter smiled and guided Joel over to the couch on the set. Technically, Dieter was supposed to get on his knees in the “kitchen”, but he knew Joel wouldn’t be able to stand for that long with his back problems. Sometimes Dieter’s improv classes came in handy. Max couldn’t complain too much, as long as Dieter sucked Joel off, then the video was still following the script.

Joel grunted as he sat, hard cock swaying slightly. Dieter giggled a little and happily got down on his knees, hands traveling up and down Joel’s thighs appreciatively. “Such a pretty cock,” he hummed, licking his lips as he watched it twitch in front of him, a drop of pre-cum gathering at the tip. 

“Why dontcha put that mouth to use, then?” Joel smirked, gripping the base and tapping the head against Dieter’s cheek. “Want your discount, right?”

Dieter smiled and opened his mouth wide, eyes shut in pure bliss. Joel gripped Dieter’s messy curls and held him still as he hit the head of his cock against Dieter’s tongue. Dieter moaned and opened his eyes, watching Joel’s face for any cues to stop. They never came, but it was something they all had to keep an eye on. When everything seemed to be going well, he happily wrapped his mouth around the head of Joel’s cock and started bobbing his head up and down.

He moaned, the vibrations traveling down Joel’s cock and up his spine, making Joel groan in return. “Mmm, knew you’d be good with your mouth,” he grinned, holding the back of Dieter’s head to set a pace Joel liked better.

Dieter heard a cameraman move to his right to get a better angle of his mouth, so he amped it up a little. He got messier, saliva dripping down along the sides of Joel’s shaft. Joel moaned weakly, resting his head on the back of the couch, but keeping one of his hands tangled in Dieter’s messy curls. Dieter started bobbing his head slower, eyes locked on Joel’s face as he moved further down his shaft, taking as much as he could down his throat. He choked slightly and pulled off, pre-cum and saliva covering his mouth and Joel’s cock. He smiled up at Joel and panted heavily, curling his fingers around the base to pump the thick cock.

Joel’s eyes rolled back and he grunted, hips bucking off the couch. “C’mere,” he breathed, heavy work boots landing heavily on the set floor as he stood. “Gonna fuck your face.”

Dieter shivered at the low timbre of Joel’s voice and nodded happily up at him. He pulled his sweats down and gripped his own cock in hand and started stroking himself rhythmically. Dieter opened his mouth for Joel obediently and nearly choked again when Joel shoved his cock down Dieter’s throat. He moaned weakly when Joel’s hips started moving, his heavy balls slapping against Dieter’s chin.

Dieter just had to take it, the lewd sounds of Joel fucking his face filling the otherwise quiet room. He fucking loved it because Joel was subtly massaging Dieter’s scalp and it sent shivers down his spine. His fist was almost a blur over his own cock and tears leaked out of his eyes, a blush high on his cheeks.

“Mmm, bein’ such a good boy f’me,” Joel grunted, biting his lip to rein it in a little. Dieter moaned at the praise, eyebrows downturned in pleasure. “Yeah? Like bein’ my good boy?”

Dieter whined and nodded as best he could, eyes completely glazed over. Joel slowed down his hips a little and let Dieter breathe for a minute. Dieter panted hard, a near-dopey smile on his face. “Come on my face,” he breathed heavily, extending his tongue for Joel. “Please.”

It was Joel’s turn to shiver as he slapped the head of his cock against Dieter’s face again. “Gonna have to earn it,” Joel smirked, reciting his lines as well as he could. 

Dieter whined and pouted up at him, his own hand slowing down a little. He didn’t say anything, letting Joel continue.

“Make me come, and I’ll paint this pretty face o’ yours.”

Dieter’s face lit up and he curled his fingers around Joel’s shaft. He watched Joel’s face while he wrapped his lips around the head and bobbed his head. His free hand held Joel’s hip and subtly moved to his ass and squeezed. He moaned around Joel’s cock and shut his eyes briefly before obediently looking up at him, big eyes wet and innocent. 

“Atta boy,” Joel grunted, cupping Dieter’s face lovingly. Dieter removed his mouth to kiss down his length as he stroked him, attaching his lips to one of Joel’s balls. “Mmm, fuck,” Joel breathed, tipping his head back. 

The hand on Joel’s ass moved slightly until one of Dieter’s fingertips prodded at Joel’s asshole. Joel grunted in surprise and smiled down at Dieter. “Really want me all over ya, huh?”

“Yes,” Dieter nodded, sucking one of Joel’s balls into his mouth. “Please.”

“Keep talkin’ like that and– ooh, fuck – Jus’ might get your wish,” Joel panted, shutting his eyes. He felt the build up in his lower stomach, his cock twitching violently in Dieter’s hand. “C’mere, baby boy,” he grinned, taking his cock back to stroke himself over Dieter’s face.

Dieter was buzzing, lifting Joel’s t-shirt to lovingly caress his hairy tummy, mouth open wide and obedient. 

Joel felt his balls draw up and his hips buck until– “Fuck–! Shit,” He moaned, thick ropes of come spurting out from the tip of his cock and landing on Dieter’s face and mouth. He caressed Dieter’s hair, thick fingers massaging his scalp while the other hand stroked himself until his balls were completely empty. 

Dieter happily licked his mouth clean, and hid his face in Joel’s stomach, whimpering into the sweaty skin. He moaned weakly, his entire body trembling as he came, completely untouched. Dieter was the only one in the cast that could do that, and he loved showing it off as much as he could.

“Shit,” Joel smiled, petting Dieter’s sweaty curls back and out of his face. “Ain’t you a sight.”

“Cut!”

Dieter deflated, a huge grin on his face. He started giggling into Joel’s stomach and smiled up at him. “Fucking love your cock, Joel,” he hummed happily.

“That’s what you always say,” Joel snorted, helping him up onto his feet. Dieter was a little wobbly still and cuddled into Joel’s side. He always got a little clingy after a scene, but Joel didn’t mind. As different as they were, Joel would probably consider Dieter one of his closest friends. It always worked in their favor, their natural chemistry and closeness coming through the cameras.

They were handed a couple towels and some water, the both of them taking them gratefully. Max came up to them, his usual shit-eating grin on his face. Joel always thought Max reminded him of a vampire, with that mischievous glint in his eye that always seemed to be there.

“Great show, boys,” Max started. “Dieter, d’you mind if I steal Joel away for a second?”

Dieter whined and clinged onto Joel tighter. Joel grinned and hugged him back. “Sorry, boss, looks like he ain’t leavin’ anytime soon.”

Max rolled his eyes, but continued anyway. “Fine. Meant to tell you earlier, but things got rolling, you know how it is–”

“What is it, Max?”

“You’ve got a scene with Javier tomorrow.”

If there were a record player anywhere, Joel would probably hear it scratching right about now. Dieter paused too, and looked up at Joel with worried eyes. He knew all about Joel’s crush, and was always telling Joel to just go for it. Joel froze briefly, but tried to school his emotions as best he could.

“O-okay, um. What time?” He asked shakily, gripping Dieter’s fluffy robe tighter.

“I’m thinking around noon? That way Javier can prepare, y’know?”

Preparing was always done before a particularly intense scene. Joel tried really hard not to think about Javier wearing a plug for a while before coming to set. 

“Right,” Joel nodded, cheeks going a little pink. “I’ll be there.”

“You’re the best, Joel!” Max snapped his fingers and walked off, talking to a couple of assistants. 

Dieter tapped on his chest and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You really gotta say something, Joel,” he said softly. 

Joel sighed and nodded. He knew that. 

He just didn’t know what.

[toast-the-unknowing]

on fanfic plagiarism

Almost five years ago, in January of 2019, someone I'd never met before reached out to tell me that one of my Pynch fics, "Word on the Street," had been plagiarized.

I remember that the stolen fic was posted in k-pop fandom, though not what specific band it related to -- I'm not into k-pop, or really into pop music at all.

I remember that the person who messaged me told me that they had found my fic because the plagiarist had a reputation for stealing fic, so when they'd posted a new story, this person had known to do some digging.

I don't remember what the plagiarist's username was. I remember scanning the stolen story, trying both to read every detail and to avoiding taking any of it in, because looking at that right-but-wrong, not-quite-there, uncanny-valley-ness of it made me queasy.

I remember being darkly amused that the plagiarist had cut out the reference to the main character suffering physical abuse at the hands of his father -- I guess it didn't make sense in the context of the new character. It's almost like the story wasn't written for him. It's almost like someone wrote the story about Adam Parrish, instead.

I filed an AO3 complaint, on the grounds that this was a blatant and unarguable violation of their plagiarism policy. Within twenty-four hours, they got back to me, and the story was removed.

It was a weird, uncomfortable, gross feeling, knowing someone had taken words I'd written and passed them off as their own.

But at the same time -- "Word on the Street" was a silly thing I dashed off pretty quickly, during a period of my life when I was doing a lot of writing. It hurt to have it stolen. It was a violation. But…I had other words, that were more important to me. Maybe that was a buffer.

-

Last month, about six weeks ago, someone I'd never met before reached out to tell me that one of my Pynch fics, "there's talk going 'round this town," had been plagiarized.

I was, bizarrely, amused.

I was less bizarrely furious. I was understandably, relatably, I would say rationally, furious. But in a way (and as always, when I say in a way, I am calling back to the scholars of overthinkingit.com for whom in a way is meant as the thing I have just said or am about to say is false) -- in a way, I was amused.

The plagiarist clearly did a 'find and replace' on the character names, to replace Adam and Ronan's names with those of k-pop characters. They did a bad job of it, since the name "Ronan" still appears in one paragraph and the name "Parrish" still appears in two paragraphs. The fic is here, in case anyone doesn't believe me, under the name "i do(n't remember)". At first when I complained about the fic on tumblr, I didn't mention the name, or which fic they'd stolen, because I was worried about anyone…I don't know, making a scene. I've stopped caring. AO3 user springguk is bad at find and replace and they should feel bad. About their computer skills, and also about their blatant plagiarism.

springguk also did some more edits to my fic, I have to give them credit for that. I wrote "there's talk going 'round this town" within a relatively short time span, for me. I tend to either finish things within one week, or else take several months. I believe this one took about five or six weeks completely to write -- I was very inspired.

(I was inspired, specifically, by the press coverage of Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves 'discovering' they might be 'accidentally' married. I mention that in my author's notes. springguk doesn't mention what 'inspired' them in their author's notes. I wonder how they talk about it with friends. They do, in their author's notes, include a link to their ko-fi, and a request that people buy them a coffee.)

If I'd taken longer with this fic, I might have made some edits. Even at the time, I knew I was being self-indulgent in letting the scene with my teenage female OC talk at such length with Ronan about what his non-canonical film career had meant to her, a person the audience didn't care about. But I had fun. I liked Fox. I didn't want to cut her, and what the hell, it was fanfic. I decided to self-indulge.

I was darkly amused to find that springguk did cut out the scene with Fox from their plagiarized version. Maybe springguk is a more disciplined editor than I am. Maybe springguk just didn't have a good k-pop character to map Fox onto. Maybe springguk didn't even realize that Fox was an OC. Do you know anything about the fandom you steal fics from, springguk? I can't help but wonder. Have you read The Raven Cycle? Do you care about teenage OCs who steal cars because of fake films that are clearly meant to be stand-ins for The Fast and the Furious franchise?

Maybe springguk just didn't give a fuck, because none of their heart and soul was poured into this fic. I cared too much about Fox. springguk doesn't care about a single word in the fic they published. Why would they? They didn't write it.

I'm being a little mean in naming them so many times. But I'm able to, this time, because although I filed a plagiarism complaint with AO3 six weeks ago, springguk's stolen fic "i do(n't remember)," is still available to read on AO3 to this very day. I don't have to wrack my brains to remember what their username was, or which k-pop band they recast my work with. I can just look at their fic with its 24 comments and 151 kudos. Hell, maybe that fic is even better than mine, if you don't mind that by cutting the sequence with Fox they've sacrificed a fairly substantial development in the romantic relationship, and also if you don't care that at one point the characters names switch from Jeongguk and Taehyung to Ronan and Parrish, because seriously, for fuck's sake, if you're going to steal a fic at least do a goddamn ctrl+f at the end.

I was mad. I was amused. I made a complaint that the AO3, six weeks later, has still not acted on. I mostly moved on.

-

Tonight, someone I'd never met before reached out to tell me that one of my Pynch fics, "while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now," had been plagiarized.

I wanted to vomit.

I was supposed to be playing Dungeons and Dragons online with friends tonight; I spent the entire call unable to focus on anything anyone was saying. I had to keep reminding myself that I was on camera and my face wasn't supposed to look like that.

"while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now" is the first of a series of, currently, twelve fics. skytoseungmin, the person who stole it to pass it off as their own work, knew this. Their stolen version was published as part one of a series, though they hadn't published any of the sequels. Presumably, they wanted to wait long enough to make it plausible they'd gone and written the follow ups, instead of just finding them.

skytoseungmin likely didn't know that this fic and this series are intensely personal. They didn't know that the apartment that Adam -- Seungmin, in their ill-gotten version -- lives in, that was based in part off of the apartment I lived in for a year in Pico-Robertson with talldecafcappuccino. They didn't know that the 7-Eleven Adam buys coffee at is the same one I used to tease talldecafcappuccino for buying coffee at. They didn't know that the strip club where Adam and Ronan have their humorously ill-timed romantic revelation outside of, that was the strip club I used to use as a landmark when giving people directions for how to navigate the confusing as fuck freeway exit I lived near, which once caused me to accidentally tell my highly Catholic parents "just go past the strip club and you're good!"

skytoseungmin didn't know that the apartment Adam -- sorry, Seungmin, thoroughly, they were better with find and replace than springguk -- lived in, was also based off of my ex's apartment in Palms, where I as the mere visiting girlfriend was never allowed to park in the parking lot. Where I would sometimes have to spend twenty or thirty minutes circling the neighborhood before I could find parking, often a walk of several minutes away. skytoseungmin doesn't know that when Ronan's car get towed from a McDonald's parking lot, that that was a specific McDonald's on Venice Boulevards, the same one my ex's asshole roommate used to just roll his eyes and say that I should park at. skytoseungmin doesn't know that I once wished passionately that I had just parked in that McDonald's parking lot and risked getting towed, on the occasion that a man followed me several unlit blocks from my car. skytoseungmin doesn't know that when I talk about how helping someone park is the truest love language there is in Los Angeles, that that was what I meant. Has skytoseungmin ever had to circle to half an hour to find parking in Los Angeles? Has skytoseungmin ever loved someone enough to do that, instead of saying, fuck it, they can come to me or we're breaking up? Has skytoseungmin ever loved someone in Los Angeles enough, to do as my ex did, and come running as fast as humanly possibly when their girlfriend called them whispering and crying on the phone, someone's following me, please, I'm scared, I wish I just parked at the McDonald's?

"while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now" is a very personal fic.

It isn't half as personal as some of the fics that come after.

skytoseungmin marked their plagiarized version of the fic as part one of a series. Were they planning on stealing part two, where I, through an alternate universe characterization of Ronan Lynch, dig into my experience of grief and trauma surrounding my grandmother's dementia? Were they planning on stealing any of the explicit fics, where I play with kink and desire in ways I haven't even exposed to my actual sexual partners, but where I felt able to through the guise of fandom? What else was skytoseungmin planning on stealing, with charming little author's notes apologizing for how they missed the fandom-relevant date they were shooting for, because they were so busy with exams, tee-hee! Why the excuses, skytoseungmin? how long does it take you to ctrl+f, even if you are more thorough about it than springguk?

If I seem too accusatory and mean-spirited toward skytoseungmin, well, the LA verse is a very personal fic.

And it's also, it turns out, only one of eight different fics that they stole from me.

I didn't even notice at first, to be honest. I was too stunned. But my friend Jessie, my Lady Galahad, went to my defense and clicked through to the author's page, while I was still reeling at the horrible possibilities of part one of a series. It turned out, of eight fics on skytoseungmin's author's page…I had written every single one of them.

Some were short and pretty lighthearted, things I hadn't had to invest too much of myself into -- like I said, sometimes, I can write a fic in under a week.

Other things…

They stole the space western AU.

I don't think I can articulate to any human being how much that hurt me, to look at it, to see.

I wrote that as a thank you gift for someone who donated to Fandom Trumps Hate.

I spent nearly two years of my life on it -- two years during which, because of mental health issues and life situation changes, my words per year dropped precipitously. I still haven't recovered. I still think of what a failure I am for not writing more, currently, actively, and I remember how the space western AU was both a symptom of that and a defiance of it: yes, writing has become fucking hard, fucking NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE, but I'm still doing it, goddamn it, you can't stop me, even if all I produce is the tiniest trickle of words a month. it can still add up, somehow, if we just keep TRYING.

To see the space western AU, casually nestled amongst a half dozen other fics that were all apparently casually dashed off in the same month…I know it was theft, I know it was a lie, but it still felt like a slap in the face, why can't you write this fast?

Jessie, my Lady Galahad, went on a campaign of commenting on all of skytoseungmin's (my) fics, and I am so thankful. The k-pop fans who heard Jessie have been reaching out, to her, to me, to each other on Twitter, and I am so thankful for them too. skytoseungmin has deleted all of their (my) fics on AO3, and their entire AO3 account, and their entire twitter, apparently. Maybe they were hoping to get enough clicks to parlay them into some kind of book deal, and they'd now rather give up what was a low investment effort on their part than be associated with accusation of plagiarism.

I suppose they can always start over with a new user name and someone else's fics if they really want to.

I suppose they can always start over with a new username and my fics, if they really want to.

And after all, AO3 has still not reached out to me about springguk, and "i do(n't remember)" is still sitting there. Maybe springguk is also going for a book deal. Who knows?

Why complain about any of it?

In a way* (and remember what "in a way" means), isn't it a compliment, if someone loves the words I wrote, even if they don't know it was me that wrote them? toast-the-unknowing and shinealightonme, if they're the same name (and they are), then why not springguk or skytoseungmin, too?

Am I making too big of a deal out of this? Does everyone just have their work stolen from them, all of the time? Is that simply the cost of doing business in an era and an ecosystem where we all can copy and paste twenty-four thousand words with greater ease than our ancestors could transcribe a single phrase? Are more prolific, more famous, more successful fan authors looking at my piteous cries and thinking, bitch, you've only been ripped off by k-pop fans ten times, come back when you have real problems?

And yet in a month, a year, a whole life phase of not being able to write as much as I would like to, because of my health, because of my work, to have someone else just casually pass off the words I have managed to eke out, as though they have no value, as though it were no more than photo copying a shitty flier to stick under a windshield wiper…

I can't imagine springguk or skytoseungmin give a shit how I feel about any of this. At best, they roll their eyes; at worst they laugh to know they hurt me -- and what's the difference between the two? I'll never know either way.

I know that some of the people they duped do care, and are also upset. That helps. And also, it doesn't help.

I just fucking hate all of this, and if all I have are words, and if my words are valuable enough for someone to steal, then here, here are enough of them to choke on. I know I did.

[here-there-be-fics]

"the end is nigh" anon again- I loved to read your thoughts, thank you! And I agree with all of it! Ofc they could still be building up to these endgame plots but the speed with which they gone through the Henren, Madney and now bucktommy and Eddie stuff looks more like there won´t be a season 9 at all. I really don´t get it, certain story beats get streched out needlessly, like the plane emergency, and others get barely any room, like Ortiz. Maddie and Chim are mains and we´ve barely seen them till last episode. Gerrard became a cartoon and we are seriously going into the mid-season finale dealing with Brad from Hotshots smh.

Also you really made me think of something. Did we have a fire this season? We are in episode 7 now and there hasn´t been a fire really. If they could get back to fire fighting sometime that would be nice, too.

Hi again Nonny! You're so sweet - thanks for reading my massive reply 😂

I put a lot of these issues you've outlined and more into a long and detailed message to ABC, if you haven't done so already, I suggest it, it was quite charthatic!

It's honestly crazy how messy the season is and even if the sudden poorly executed breakup didn't happen I don't think I would be keen on the next two episodes with the focus being on a fake fire-fighter show in a fake fire-fighter show....again...it was a quirky thing for the opening to have Booby's scenes be a bit of comedy relief but if they give 2 episodes to Hotshots and they can't even give that same dedication to Henren trying to get their daughter home that seems like a bizarrely misbalanced use of screen time like the plane emergency was. Unless it ties into something much bigger somehow but still not sure how satisfying that would be. In a recent interview TM even said it was 'coming full circle' with the Hotshots story....we don't need anymore circling Tim!! Also, Hotshots was such a weird way of getting rid of Gerrard, and there was no real barriers or strife to Booby trying to get his job back at the 118...another thing solved way too quickly and easily that it was barely acknowledged.

I can't remember the last time something was on fire on screen...I think a car was in the season 7 opening? I'd go back and watch but I have zero motivation to watch the show at the moment and some of the emergencies have just been blah and easy to forget. It's probably a budget thing, setting things on fire is expensive and time consuming and we have seen the effects of those tighter budgets all over the show unfortunately.

[btr-rewatch]

Big Time Rush Season 1, Episode 11: “Big Time Jobs”

I remember this one being one of my favorite episodes. Excited to rewatch it!

Highlights: The boys set out to make some dough. Also: Mirror Realm Alter Egos, the worst sign-spinners on the planet, and sentient coffee makers.

We begin with the guys preparing for the "Palm Woods 500 Invitational All-Terrain Decathlon Classic." The first one to run around the building and ring the bell at the front desk wins a large homemade trophy made of boxes covered with shiny wrapping paper with a colander on top. Very fancy.

Also, Kendall doesn't pronounce "decathlon" correctly. He says "discathlon," which, as far as I've been able to tell from briefly looking it up, isn't a real word. I mean, it's something you could chalk up to in-universe as a term the boys made up on their own, but this is probably just Kendall Schmidt flubbing the line.

The race goes about as well as you'd expect.

Carlos is declared the winner!

An enraged Bitters then tells the boys that they have to pay for all the damage they've caused, which amounts to $2,000 (and 30¢). Gustavo is NOT happy that his dogs have gotten themselves into so much trouble. He's sick of them breaking things, which leads us into a montage of some of the things around the studio they've broken in the last several months. Shout out to my favorite part of the montage:

Because like...why. Why is James singing a taunting song about having a smoothie? Why does this make Kendall so upset that he feels the need to smack it straight outta James's hand? There's missing context here. James and Kendall were definitely just not getting along that day, and this was the final straw.

Anyway, Gustavo tells them that they have to pay him his $2,000 back, and until they do, they're not allowed in the Palm Woods pool. In order to come up with $500 each, they're going to need to get jobs. This is horrifying news to our boys.

Carlos gets stuck being Gustavo's production assistant, and James Kendall, and Logan return to the Palm Woods to do some job searching. After reading through a listing of horrible jobs, Kendall and Logan set out to become sign spinners, and James finds an ad for "the new face of Cuda." Obviously, he thinks this is the perfect job for him.

This leads into that bizarre but delightful scene where he talks to himself in the mirror, but it's like...some sort of alter-ego with a slightly deeper voice??

Mirror James: "Look at yourself! Who's handsomer than you?"

James: "No one!"

Mirror James: "Who's got more style than you?"

James: "No one!"

Mirror James: "Who's smarter than you?"

James: "Well, lots of people. But that has nothing to do with being a model."

I mean...he's right. What a himbo. Katie appoints herself as James's manager, and the two of them set out to take the fashion world by storm.

Meanwhile, at Kendall and Logan's sign-spinning job:

Yeah, they get fired pretty quickly. Also, can I point out that one of my first thoughts upon watching the above moment was how close they came to possibly being hit by cars?? If either one of them had fallen to the street instead, they would have died. And it would have been in the stupidest way possible. Cause of death? SIGN SPINNING.

And we're not even too far into this episode yet, but I'm enjoying this Kendall and Logan storyline. I don't think there have been many moments thus far in the series where it's just been the two of them paired up ("Big Time Crib" is the only one that comes to mind), and I like seeing them teamed up for some shenanigans. I've always had a soft spot for the Kendall and Logan dynamic, especially when it comes to Kendall's ability to help Logan let loose. I feel like...Logan feels the most secure with Kendall? Which makes sense because Kendall is the leader, but still. It's nice to see Logan come out of his shell a bit, and seeing him act all goofy and over the top with Kendall as they (horribly) spin those signs is one of those moments.

Onto Carlos's story! He's been told to get a coffee for Gustavo, and can I just say how much I love the "Carlos does battle with a coffee maker" plot? This boy is given such a simple task: get coffee, and this machine proceeds to make his life miserable for the rest of the episode.

I'm not sure how many people currently in the fandom were also on Tumblr back when the series was on, but there was this popular BTR blog that consisted of posting beautiful, aesthetic pictures with ridiculous quotes from the show on them. That was the whole blog, and the fandom loved it. There are two specific ones I remember, and I've recreated them here so those who didn't get the original experience can see what I'm talking about.

The BTR fandom sure was something. Wish I could remember what the blog was called (though I'm not sure it'd even still be up).

While Carlos fights for his life at Rocque Records, Kendall and Logan return to 2J to try to find new jobs. After reading off a series of ridiculous options, Kendall has his own idea

Before Kendall can drag Logan off to the nearest hospital to have their kidney's extracted, there's a knock at the door. A woman has come to ask if Mrs. Knight is home and can watch her son, and Kendall agrees to do it (she'll pay them $20 an hour). This gives the guys the idea to offer a babysitting service in order to earn the money they need. They quickly have lots of eager parents lined up to take advantage of their convenient service.

Over at James's modeling job, he quickly realizes that he ain't the only pretty face in town.

They have a brief "face-off," but James is no match for all the handsome in the room, and he just like. Passes out.

Over at Kendall and Logan Babysitting Services Incorporated, things quickly fall apart. Unable to handle the energy of eight kids, Kendall and Logan end up tied to chairs. Mama Knight comes to rescue them, but she quickly flees the premises after.

We return to Carlos for a moment to check on how he's doing, which is Not Well. The room is being filled with foam, and unplugging the coffee maker does nothing since it has a "reserve power" mode. Carlos also causes it to activate its "self-defense" mode when he smacks it several times.

Down at the Palm Woods lobby, a depressed James is sipping a smoothie. He sadly tells Katie, "In Minnesota, I was 'The Face.' Now, I'm just 'A Face.' I'm just a handsome grain of sand on an extremely beautiful beach."

Yeah, so he's doing great.

Meanwhile, Kendall and Logan are having a day

They decide to put the kids' energy to good use and have them run a car-washing service while they sit back and collect the money.

Back at Rocque Records, (wow, this episode is busy) Kelly discovers the catastrophe unfolding in the break room and freaks out. When Carlos says they have to destroy the machine, she protests. That is, until things get personal.

"Kelly is dumb. Women are weak," the coffee machine says (it also calls her "cupcake"), to which she and Carlos promptly charge into the room to attack it with a bat and microphone stand. Together, they defeat C.A.L.

Katie gets James another modeling gig for Cuda—an elbow model for chapped elbow cream. James is not happy. He angrily model-walks away.

However, he's stopped in his tracks by none other than Mirror James, who tells him to embrace the job and his beautiful elbow so they can get back to the pool. James agrees and returns to the photoshoot.

I cannot get over the Mirror James stuff. Does this happen in any other episodes?? I can't remember. What is WRONG with him?

We then go to wrap up the babysitting plot. All the parents come to pick up their kids while Kendall and Logan happily take the payment owed them after a day of such suffering.

And with that, the guys have earned all the money needed to pay Gustavo back! It took them less than a day, lol. But they only have a few seconds to celebrate before an angry mob descends upon them demanding pay for all the additional chaos caused in their money-making attempts. Among the charges are a fine from the city for running an illegal daycare, destroying that coffee maker (an $8,000 prototype), and the cost of James's wardrobe from his modeling gig. So, when all is said and done, they've paid Gustavo back the $2,000.30, but now they owe him $14,089.

Gustavo flips his lid, starts destroying things around the studio, and gets caught by Griffin, who tells Gustavo he has to pay him back all that money. We end the episode with Kelly, Gustavo, and the guys all running a car wash at the Palm Woods.

There's so much to love about this episode. Disaster follows these boys wherever they go. They cannot have a normal day if they tried.

[scotianostra]

Happy Birthday Scottish actor Gavin Mitchell born 16th December 1964 in Glasgow.

Gavin, best known for his role of Boaby, the barman from Still Game says that his parents split when he was eight and he that his mum cut dad Kenneth out of his life and remarried. Tragedy then struck when his step father died followed by the death of his dad, Kenneth, he then remembers a tough upbringing with a succession of “uncles” and one time his mother going out for a pint of milk and never came back.

Luckily Gavins brother Kenny stepped in and persuaded the authorities he would be able to look after his sibling. Five years later as a young adult Gavin spotted her in the street with one of his “uncles” and followed her to a bar, he said she did not even notice him, he ordered a drink then sat down next to her, she looked at hi and said nervously “Hiya son”

“It was weird. I wanted to know all about her but I didn’t tell her where I lived. I visited her once to check she was okay. She gave me a pound ‘for sweets’ as I left — it was as if I’d not grown up in her eyes.

He saw her once more, just before she died, ravaged by alcohol, and Gavin claims his own childhood experiences are the main reason why he’s never had kids himself.

Gavin has admitted going through bouts of depression through the years but has carved a career for himself, though admits at times it as hard as a struggling jobbing actor.

Through the years Gavin has appeared in many well known Scottish shows like Taking over the Asylum, Atletico Partick, The Baldy Man, Monarch of the Glen and of course Taggart, which he was in three times as different characters. We saw him in 2018 as Archibald Mason, a soldier in Outlaw King, apart from the final series of Still Game Gavin has appeared in the Netflix docudrama The Last Czars, in 2019, since then he was in the drama series’ Nothing to Declare, Annika and most recently the Irvine Welsh series Crime.

In July 2019 he was awarded an honorary doctor of letters by Glasgow’s Caledonian University. Although Still Game has ended he admits that for the rest of his life he will be tagged as “Prick”.

Gavin recently admitted having a wee greet during the filming of the last scene for Still Game. It was he who spoke the last lines in the show, with the lie words "Well, look who it isnae", while looking into the camera. He said having the last line felt "unusual" and "affected him more emotionally than any of the other episodes",

The actor went on to explain the circumstances....."I think it's just because I had the final words and so it was quite a weird scene.

"Normally we're all together. When we get picked up in the morning, we get picked up in a van and we travel in together and we all did scenes in the Clansman.

"But that was a really unusual morning because I was on my own.

"I got picked up in a cab, taken down. No-one else was there. Taken into make-up and they turned me into old Boaby as it were and they walked me on set and nobody would look at me.

"Everybody kinda respectfully put their heads down and wouldn't make eye contact.

"The make-up girl came to check on me, Anne Marie, and when she was checking my wig and make-up, she just gently turned me around and I could feel her putting something in my right hand.

"And I thought 'What's that?' and I looked down and it was a tissue and she just pointed at my eyes.

"I realised I was crying and I [at the time] didn't realise it. It was bizarre. I think there was just a lot of weight in that one line. You knew it was the end."

We last saw Gacin in the TV series Nightsleeper, which also starred the popular James Cosmo and the beautiful Katie Leung, with a strong Scottish cat including Sharon Rooney, Alex Ferns, Sharon Small and Lois Chimimba.

[mija-novella]

I remember the day that Alan Rickman died like it was yesterday.

It was a sunny Thursday and I'd just finished my shift in a retail job I'd only been at for less than a year. I was ready to go home and waited to leave. I checked my phone and had three text messages from my friend. I could only see the last message on my Lock Screen: "I'm so sorry!"

I wasn't sure what she was sorry for in that second. I thought it was an "I'm sorry wrong person" message but it wasn't. I opened the texts to find these three messages:

"OMG Mija"

"Alan Rickman's died."

"I'm so sorry"

I just stared at the screen for what felt like hours but had to have only been seconds. I couldn't comprehend what was happening and was panicked. A colleague came down to leave so I asked them to check if it was true. She did and it was front page news. I was devastated. It was like part of my world had come crashing down!

Ileft work and started walking through the town centre. My vision was blurry with tears so I called my dad to pick me up. I couldn't walk home. I got home after crying in the car, with a couple text messages from other friends who were sending messages saying sorry.

I put on my pyjamas, ironically it was a shirt that said "I Solemnly Swear that I am up to no good," made myself a cup of tea and just sat staring out the window of my bedroom, wishing it had been a dream.

The thing is, Alan meant so much to me, not only as Snape, the main character I had ever watched him play, but through his interviews and behind the scenes of movies he had done. I, like many others, found comfort in him and the way he was. I never knew him personally, but I knew him through the screen.

It's bizarre in the end, how one man changed the way my mind worked the things that made me smile so immensely without a second thought, who when mentioned today makes my cheeks go red with happiness as I just speak on his brilliance. I miss him every day and this tattoo just reminds me of his impact on my life. Xox

[hollygl125]

On the adventure endgame, and why I support Sara leaving the lab:

From an inside-the-show perspective, I 110% support Sara’s decision to leave the lab to go off on an epic eco-adventure with Grissom, just as he once decided to leave the lab to go off on an epic eco-adventure with her.  I would totally make that choice in her circumstances.  From an outside-the-show perspective, I also support the narrative choice to have Sara and Grissom go off on an adventure together rather than stay together in Vegas.

While GSR-fic writing, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why I support this ending, so I’ve outlined some of the (terribly rambling) reasons below the cut.

I honestly—though, yes, I am somewhat embarrassed to admit it—love (the GSR of) “Immortality” (16): it’s its own little self-contained Sara Sidle and Gil Grissom love story of angst, yearning, wistful glances, and happy endings, and I have spent more time rewatching that last dock scene than I should willingly admit to anyone.  (And JF and WP are so beautiful together—so beautiful!)

I honestly—though, yes, I am somewhat embarrassed to admit it—love (the GSR of) “Immortality” (16): it’s its own little self-contained Sara Sidle and Gil Grissom love story of angst, yearning, wistful glances, and happy endings, and I have spent more time rewatching that last dock scene than I should willingly admit to anyone.  (And JF and WP are so beautiful together—so beautiful!)

But this also highlights how bizarre the whole later-season GSR storyline was.  These people were crazy for each other!  They had no conception of personal space!  They wanted nothing more than to stand on top of each other!  They wanted nothing more than to breathe each other’s air!

Of course, as an episode of CSI, “Immortality” (16) is also pretty ridiculous.  Whenever I get to the “you turned her heart” line I almost always have to pause the show for a minute just to digest the ridiculousness (or sometimes to do a little rant to myself or whoever’s near).

But (returning to the positive vibes here)….  According to Zuiker’s DVD commentary (if I’m remembering it correctly), the team had very little time or resources to put together the finale, plus all the sets had already been taken down.  (Is that right?)  Yet they gave us bomb tests and butterflies and bees and a boat (completely with a Moby Dick reference) and a happy ending to what was basically, in the end, the GSR story.  Zuiker also (again according to my memory of his DVD commentary) insisted on filming a scene I consider crucial to the ending and on editing out a scene that would have distracted from it.  So, overall, I’m very grateful.

Anyway, here’s why I like the adventure endgame:

*Speaking personally, for my own life, if I could use my background and skills to go off on an eco-adventure with the love of my life, I would 100% make that choice.  I will admit that bias.  (Maybe that’s the whole ballgame?  I’m not sure.)

*If I were Sara Sidle, and I could use my background and skills to go off on an eco-adventure with the love of my life, I again would 100% make that choice.  Making that choice is consistent with Sara’s characterization.

*Jorja Fox said long ago that she thought Sara would choose love over work: “Sara, by virtue of being a realist, is also very much a romantic. So I think if she really was in love with someone, and it came down to a choice between work and love, I think she’d go in the direction of love” (TV Guide, 2006).  (I definitely think WP was being coy in his answer to the same question.)

*In this case at least, love > job.  Specifically for Sara, as someone on Tumblr pointed out (I can’t find the reference right now), because of who she is, she is more likely to find another good, interesting, intellectually challenging job than she is to find another love, let alone another love of her life.  Man she’s loved quite madly for seventeen years is a pretty irreplaceable role.  It’s not like she’s choosing between some guy she met online a few weeks ago and a job for which she’s been working her whole life.

*Sara doesn’t have to choose between love and the job, though.  Grissom clearly wants to talk to her throughout “Immortality” (16) but doesn’t think he deserves to ask to be in her life again.  He would totally return to Vegas for her, but she wants to join him on the adventure.

(If he told her the only way for them to be together was for her to give up the job and follow him, that would be a completely different story, but that would also be totally inconsistent with his characterization and what “Immortality” (16) shows us.)

Moreover, once the two of them are back together, (1) he would not be good with either one of them getting anywhere near any bombs, and (2) they would be total partners in whatever adventure they undertook.

*Sara would want and enjoy an (eco-)adventure; she would not enjoy being lab director.

*Sara has proven herself, at a minimum, amenable to change.  She has previously picked up and moved her life on basically a moment’s notice.  Sara either picks up her whole life and leaves or threatens to do so on several occasions throughout the course of the show, so Sara either likes or is open to change (at least change she initiates—i.e., she is the agent of change, rather than change is imposed upon her).

*Sara is the most progressive of the CSIs.  She had (extremely dysfunctional, yes) hippie parents and spent most of her first three decades near or in San Francisco.  She cares about animals and wildlife, she’s a vegetarian, she likes vegetation, and she cares about the environment.  (In 2007, as shown in “Living Doll” (07x24), she drives a 2006 Toyota Prius II; at the time, the Prius, a hybrid, was among the cleanest vehicles sold in the United States on the basis of smog-forming emissions.)

*Sara has previously wanted an adventure (e.g., the Sea Shepherd, the Galapagos) and has acted accordingly (going off on a marine research vessel then doing research in the Costa Rican rainforest).

*Sara’s happy (work) place is doing fun science and investigations with Grissom, not doing administrative work while Grissom does something else in Vegas (even though Sara working as a CSI while Grissom does something else in Vegas would have been far preferable to what happened in the later seasons).  They like working together (and they’ve already wasted enough time they should have spent together).

*Sara would not enjoy being lab director, and I’m quite certain she knows it.  She doesn’t exactly look thrilled to be completing her application for the position.

Although later seasons of CSI made Russell both lab director and night shift supervisor, that’s not realistic for the top crime lab in the U.S. outside Quantico.  Lab director would be an administrative/managerial job.  Season 5 is more realistic.  As soon as Ecklie gets promoted to assistant lab director, he stops doing lab or field work (to the extent of refusing to cross the crime scene tape because then he would have to testify) and starts doing administrative and managerial tasks, as he explains at least a couple times throughout that season.

In “Nesting Dolls” (05x13), Sara tells Ecklie, “You couldn't hack it in the field, so you fail your way up”; similarly, in “Secrets & Flies” (06x06), in response to McKeen querying whether he might be interested in more responsibility or a promotion, Grissom says, “You know, Oscar Wilde once said, ‘Ambition is the last refuge of failure.’  I'm fine.  Thanks.”  Both Sara and Grissom like science and fieldwork and hate (and, honestly, probably have a fair bit of contempt for) the kind of work being lab director would entail.

I can’t see either Sara or Grissom wanting to rise above the position of shift supervisor.  I can see Sara enjoying a promotion that would give her more responsibility and autonomy in her role as a criminalist (which is how I understood the season 4 promotion for which she and Nick apply) but not one that takes her away from that work.  Hence it’s not all that surprising that in seasons 5-15 she never appears to try to rise up the ranks at all.

I also think Sara would have to contort and to suppress a lot of her personality, her instincts, and just generally herself for that kind of administrative/managerial role, and (though she could have succeeded if it were what she really wanted) it would ultimately have made her pretty miserable.

*Sara, if we’re being honest, does not at all have the experience necessary to be director of the top non-federal crime lab in the U.S.  (I love Sara!  But this is still true!)  Sara is a great criminalist!  Sara has no administrative or managerial experience!  Probably even Nick becoming a lab director in San Diego with only a couple years as assistant shift supervisor (a role from which he was demoted) under his belt is unrealistic.  But Sara, a known non-people person, with no relevant administrative or managerial experience, getting the job as director of the country’s top non-federal lab is beyond unrealistic.

Maybe going from CSI to lab director could make sense for someone who is clearly a gifted future administrator and manager (I honestly don’t know!), but that is not Sara.  That is maybe the opposite of Sara.  Sara is a shit-disturber.  Sara is awkward.  Sara’s brilliant manipulation of Nora Cross in CSIV, for example, is quite beyond what CSI Sara could pull off.  (Sure, she can persuade Grissom, but that’s because he never doesn’t want to sleep with her, and even then it took her years.)

Ecklie would have other internal options (the other shifts’ supervisors and assistant supervisors), he could look at external candidates, and he could appoint an interim director if he needed more time.  I’m not saying Sara could never become lab director (I think she could if she really wanted the position and seriously pursued it on a longer-term basis), but at the time of “Immortality” (16) she doesn’t have the necessary experience or even a demonstrated interest in that kind of role.

(Like, seriously, when Grissom says she deserves the promotion, that can only be because he sees little gold stars floating everywhere and hears symphonies playing every time he looks at her.)

*Sara being appointed lab director is so clearly an unrealistic contrivance for the sake of the finale plot that I can’t really care in the slightest that she gives up the job.  First, of course, there’s the two points above (she wouldn’t want or be qualified for the position).  Then there’s the timeline in “Immortality” (16).

Sara is completing her application at what I presume is the start of her shift (at the beginning of the finale).  That’s the same shift when the bomb goes off in the casino.  Russell gives her the case because she’s applying for the position.  He suggests it will help her application, even though, again, her competency as a criminalist really says nothing about her readiness to take on a high-level administrative/managerial role.

Based on their clothes (mostly, Sara’s striped t-shirt), they work on the case all night, all day, and through to the next night.  Then the next day (I presume it’s the next day based on Heather still wearing the same clothes from the day before), immediately after the case is solved, Sara gets the promotion.  This also coincidentally happens to be Russell’s last day, from the look of things (him packing up his to-go box).

Russell has clearly given prior notice of his departure, but Sara submits her application only maybe 36 hours before he is leaving, and, within those same 36 hours (while a crazy bombing plot is going on in the city and making international news), Ecklie hires her.

Being lab director is clearly an important role.  (In season 5, Ecklie gets a huge black-tie dinner with speeches just for being named assistant lab director).  The hiring of a lab director would absolutely be a more significant endeavour than this.

So, Sara applying for the job at the beginning of the episode and getting it at the end provides a nice framing for the episode.  Sara getting the promotion leads into a nice Sara/Grissom scene near the end.  Sara getting the promotion adds more suspense to the ultimate will they/won’t they question.  But, logistically speaking, it doesn’t work.

(As an aside, in terms of logistics, I think the story could have made more sense if they’d already chosen a new lab director and Ecklie was still just deciding who would step in as night-shift supervisor.  Sara’s running of the case would then have some significance, she’d maybe actually want that job, and she would presumably be sufficiently qualified to get that job.  They could still have found an excuse for the final photo-op—her having been the lead on the bombing case and then getting the promotion would make for a nice story.  It would also be an even clearer parallel with whatever promotion Grissom got (I think—this show is so muddled in places) at the beginning of the series.)

*Finales are often a time of transition.  Sara’s found family has largely moved on (or is moving on), and it makes sense for Sara to be doing the same.  I love workplace found families (The West Wing, Sports Night, Parks and Recreation, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Superstore, etc.), but finales often involve transitions (usually symbolizing personal growth) for the characters in those found families (The West Wing, Parks and Recreation, New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Superstore, etc.).  (Occasionally characters realize they shouldn’t be moving on—à la Russell Sam Malone in Cheers—but that’s less common).

Most of Sara’s crime lab found family has moved on or is moving on.  Warrick died.  Grissom left the lab.  Wendy left.  Catherine left (although she seems to be coming back).  Brass retired.  Nick left.  Finlay died.  Russell is leaving.  To my mind, Greg and Morgan are moving on together (meaning Sara’s importance in Greg’s life will inevitably ultimately diminish), though they may be staying at the lab for the time-being.  (Morgan is wearing a huge sparkly ring on her left ring finger in her final scene, in which she embraces Greg after they defuse the bombs in the parking garage.  I’ve always taken this to mean they finally got together.)  Nick has moved to California, and there’s probably a decent chance of Greg and Morgan ultimately moving back to California, since they are both from the L.A. area.  (Unless we learn otherwise, I’m assuming that’s where they are now.)  (Many thanks to the second season of CSI: Vegas for ruining my Greg/Morgan headcanons, but the above was true at the time.)

Sara has already left the lab once, and it makes sense for her to be doing the same again.  Plus, in 2015, it’s not exactly hard to stay in touch with people long-distance, and Sara has practice.  (Long-distance friendships are presumably a lot easier to maintain than a long-distance marriage, though I’ve never tried the latter.)

*For me, the two biggest ongoing narrative arcs (journeys) of the first nine seasons are Sara and Grissom’s romance and the (related) personal growth of Grissom, the show’s protagonist.  Both those stories culminate with Grissom finding Sara in the rainforest, which gives us one of my favourite scenes of the entire series.  It’s a great ending for both.  (In my opinion, the whole show could have ended right then and there; its narrative arc was complete.)  But Jorja Fox’s return, and TPTB’s handling of it, sort of threw a wrench in things, and then ultimately we got season 13, and I don’t think I need to say any more about that.  To my mind, Sara and Grissom going off on an adventure together best restores the happily-ever-after ending they originally received—and deserved.

*Whatever she later claims, Sara in “Goodbye and Good Luck” (08x07) clearly intends a permanent departure from the lab, and in season 9 she wants an adventure (e.g., the Sea Shepherd, the Galapagos).  She goes off on some sort of research vessel then goes to do research in the rainforest in Costa Rica.  She wants an adventure (preferably with Grissom).

After he and Sara divorce, Grissom picks a path that coincides with what Sara had wanted (a Sea Shepherd-like organization) and names his boat after one of their favourite books.  I don’t think he ever expects her to join him, yet he chooses a cause she would like.  He subconsciously selects something that might best entice her to join him (if she had any clue he wanted her around).  (Even when she’s not around, everything he does, he does for her, or with her in mind; he’s always thinking of her.)

*I don’t blame anyone but TPTB for the divorce.  (Sometimes things are so out of character that I cannot blame the characters; I have to blame the TPTB.)  But the precipitating event really is Sara’s return to Vegas.  After that, as far as I am concerned, they are like boiling frogs (i.e., their marriage disintegrates so slowly that they don’t even notice until it’s too late, and then Grissom thinks he is doing the right thing by setting Sara free).  So, to undo that mess, it makes sense that they would again leave Vegas and continue their intended adventure together.

*From a narrative standpoint, Sara leaving the lab to go after Grissom parallels Grissom leaving the lab to go after Sara.  It’s balanced.  It’s symmetrical.

Although Sara originally comes to Vegas for Grissom, those are different circumstances.  That (Sara moving to Vegas post-“Cool Change” (01x02)) is guy she’s secretly kind of in love with offering her a great job opportunity and her accepting.  That is not “you are the love of my life and I will give up everything I hold dear for you,” which is what “One to Go” (09x10) and “Immortality” (16) both are.

Additionally, in both “One to Go” (09x10) and “Immortality” (16), Grissom and Sara (respectively) each go after the other only after the other has tried to set them free, reinforcing the parallel.

Moreover, while Sara gives up a lot in leaving the lab for Grissom, Grissom would have had more difficulty reaching a point where he could give up everything in his well-structured life for Sara.  Sara has proven herself more amenable to change.  In contrast to the actual ending, having Grissom follow Sara away from Vegas (“One to Go,” 09x10) only to end up following her back to Vegas (“Immortality,” 16) would feel very one-sided.

*Finally, the symbolism of the adventure is good.

While deserts can be extremely biodiverse places with their own ecosystems and life (on which I am very much not an expert), in this story the desert is associated with death; it’s the setting of this particular show about death; it’s where Sara is taken to die; and, in the eighth season, Sara literally has to leave Las Vegas and the desert to say goodbye to her ghosts.

Sara has a lot of ghosts.  Sara and Grissom have both spent their lives with death.  Their fathers die when they are young, which strongly influences their upbringings.  They graduate early, which means they begin their jobs early, with both starting out in the coroner’s office in their respective cities and then moving on to different crime labs.  Both are obsessed with their jobs, jobs that revolve around death.

Before they meet each other, neither Sara nor Grissom is fully living; before they meet each other, neither is fully invested in the human experience.  But they meet, and they fall in love, and ultimately they choose life.  (They lift their heads up out of their microscopes, although Sara has always been more prepared to do this than Grissom.)

In “One to Go” (09x10), Sara and Grissom reunite in the tropical rainforest in Costa Rica, an incredibly green, lush, biodiverse place, and honestly I cannot think of a better metaphor for life; I couldn’t find any great stats, but one website I visited stated that the Costa Rican rainforest ranks first in the world in biodiversity per area unit.  The rainforest is also the place Grissom wanted to visit before he died, as stated in “Way to Go” (06x24), where it is thus initially contrasted with death.

Then, in “Immortality” (16), they once again leave the desert, but this time for the ocean.  Again, contrasted with the desert, for our purposes the ocean symbolizes life.  They’ll be working on the conservation of marine life.  They choose life.   They choose the adventure.  Together.

Sara and Grissom reunite in the coastal state where they first met (and where they were both born and raised); they have come full circle.  They sail off into the sunset.  The end (but not actually the end of the story I’m currently telling).

And, lucky for us, we then get an epilogue that shows us just how perfectly magical they are when they are finally allowed to become old(ish) and married together!

Those are my (very rough) thoughts; obviously your perspective may differ! 💛

[twistedtummies2]

Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes - Number 26

Welcome to A Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes! During this month-long event, I’ll be counting my Top 31 Favorite Fictional Detectives, from movies, television, literature, video games, and more!

SLEUTH-OF-THE-DAY’S QUOTE: “Truth brings closure.”

Number 26 is…Gil Grissom, from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

Perhaps it’s just me, but it feels like a lot of modern mystery shows today tend to veer more towards “crime drama” than your more classic “detective story.” These are shows that feature a more or less ensemble cast, rather than focusing primarily on a single chief investigator. Oh, there may be one or two characters more important than the rest, but at the end of the day, it’s less about one man or woman putting the pieces together, and more a group of people who all have different jobs, working together to stitch the greater puzzle into one solid whole. They try to focus more on “real” detective work (and I use the quotation marks because, even then, there’s usually some romanticization involved), rather than the old-fashioned ideal of the singular sleuth.

I’m not saying this as a complaint, by the way; there are many great shows that have come out of this, and lasted for long periods of time, because something about this formula is as appealing as any other. One of the most popular and long-running examples – as well as one of the first I remember seeing a lot growing up (perhaps more than was healthy, given the nightmares I remember occasionally having) – is “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.” The series, as its title implies, focuses on the adventures (if that’s an appropriate choice of word for them) of the CSI operatives of the Las Vegas Police Department. The show had a revolving door of cast members over the course of fifteen seasons (and, fittingly, fifteen years). While many characters came and went, for the first eight-and-a-half seasons of the program, if there was a main character to be found, it was this one: team leader Gil Grissom, played by William Petersen.

My biggest problem with CSI, to be honest, has always been its characters: with only a few exceptions, a lot of the members in the cast I just don’t feel were very interesting. I remember their faces, but I can’t tell you much when it comes to a lot of their personalities, and some characters I probably wouldn’t even remember by name if you asked me. I say all this because this was NOT the case for Gil Grissom: he is genuinely a really interesting, fun, unique character, and probably one of the best leads any crime series of this nature has ever had.

Grissom is a certified genius, who is known for being highly intellectual, and slightly eccentric. He’s fascinated by insects, being a passionate entomologist, but also has many other interests: history, literature, theatre, and art, among others. He speaks in a frequently poetic fashion, making references to various bits of trivia and offering moments of philosophical wisdom here and there. Ironically, he’s not that well-versed in a lot of pop culture references, despite all this. (I can relate.) Throughout the show, Petersen creates a wonderful character that is both detached and sensitive at the same time. On the one hand, Grissom isn’t made of stone; he can be irritated or unsettled by things around him, and he does sympathize with people and feel sorrow about situations beyond his control. He’s even got a spiritual side to his personality. However, he’s also a very logical and practical person: he’s a scientist, before all else, and believes in hard facts and evidence above all. He also doesn’t have many social graces, and will do bizarre and seemingly deranged things for the sake of proving a theory or testing a hypothesis. In short, he’s a bit like a modern day Sherlock Holmes…except maybe a bit less rude.

Part of the way through Grissom’s tenure, it was revealed that he was starting to go deaf, which signaled a change in his character. While he eventually got surgery to save his hearing, this paved the way for the character’s departure about halfway through Season 9. Later lead investigators would enter the series: first came Laurence Fishburne as Ray Langston, who had probably one of the most wild departures from the series to his credit. Following him was Ted Danson as D.B. Russell, who to HIS credit got an episode with an “Alice in Wonderland” theme. (For me, that’s always a plus.) Neither were bad characters – all three leads were the most memorable ones in the show, for me – but I never felt as attached to them as I did Grissom, possibly at least partially because they just weren’t around for as long as he was. For me, whenever I think of this show, I always think of Petersen as Gil Grissom before anybody else.

Tomorrow, the countdown continues with Number 25!

CLUE: “How did people survive before there were pattern-recognizing sparse representation algorithms?”

[ruikeremi]

"Ignored Blessing" (1/?)

since im bored ill put lore here :3 oh and the numbers are not errors i put it there on purpose, the story will be confusing but trust the process, i don't wanna reveal the true plot yet soooo i might double post

Harem x Reader

Warnings: Derealization

you always thought of yourself as an average person you don't know a lot of people you have a few friends and you have a job at a cafe shop you loved working there since the smell of coffee always relaxes you. You barely remember the events in your high school since it had been a long time since the last time you talked to any of your friends

You dont even remember if you even went to high school you barely remember your past too its like you just woke up and exist its strange all you remembered was a few friends from your childhood but you dont remember any person in your past that isnt related to them

You felt like you know nothing else in the past and only the present memories you have now

you woke up, what day was it? it was strange you were just dozing off and then you were back where you were, you shrug it off as just your imagination there was no way that was possible you thought it was just a dream you stood up from your bed getting ready for the day as you did you look down at your hands and squinting your eyes

am i real?

you start to look around you, you lived alone since you moved out of your parents house...parents? you don't remember their faces or names where was your home town? you don't remember...what was your favorite fruit? color? how old where you? you look down at your clothes, you wear the same clothes everyday but strangely enough you don't smell, did you even sleep last night? it feels like your repeating what you do everyday you just now noticed that, how come?

Nothing feels...real everything looked the same you wake up get ready for the day go to work and go home over and over again you were like programed to repeat the same things everyday when was the last time you didn't just go to work? you never remember having any fun it was like...you were a NPC

you look at your hands again your vision slowly getting blurry as you drag your legs to your room, you plop down your bed and close your eyes, you sigh your eyes slowly closing again as you slowly fall asleep you realized-

01010011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00100000 01110001 01110101 01100101 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111

looking at his paper, his room messy with papers around his room it was a messy scene as he sat on the floor staring at the blank paper thats writing on its own, he stared at the paper with shock the letter was writing on its own he shakily took the chair that he had threw earlier that was still in tact he stared at the paper

he blinked the character he wrote that he had already forgotten about was questioning its own existence it was a bizarre his gaze went from fear to interest. He slowly lift the paper stops writing on its own he blinked raising a brow, strange.

he put it back down and then its starts to write on its own again he instead starts to read what its doing, it was questioning its own life, he thought that he had threw away this one, it wasn't getting as popular as the other things he made so it was useless to keep it around any longer.

he picked up the paper once more and it stopped writing again. He carefully put it on his pocket and starts to clean up his room, after all he had more important things to write than focus on the one he threw away it was irrelevant now.

AAAAAAA i hope you guys liked it im not that good with writing and plots, this ones short so ill make the other part longer, i type slower at my computer soooo have a nice day/night

And for those whos waiting for the diamond reader x sagau it will come around soon please have patience with me T^T i get really random idea in my head so i cant really focus on one thing-

Edit: Reading this in my phone is actually very small, i have to make the part 2 longer

[m0mmat0rtle]

FANCY FNAF MOVIE ➵ Ch. 11

How long do you have to wait before evidence obviously presents itself to you? In Fancy's case, not long. She pressed record and as soon as her finger left the button Vanessa entered the room. It must have been a sort of living room.

Across from Fancy was a large couch with a blanket draped over the back. It faced a fireplace with several family photos placed along the hearth. One was folded over, as if no one wanted to look at it. Weird. She wanted to look at it, find out what it was, write it down, but that was too risky, even for her. Or was it? She could wait until nightfall. Wait until everyone fell asleep and sneak inside, this window was already cracked open. It would be easy, simple. Maybe. She filed that thought away for later.

Vanessa walked across the living room and straight to the kitchen. She reached for a glass out of one of the cabinets and fills it with water. She grabs a familiar orange bottle from her pocket and empties one pill from it. Down the hatch it went along with half the glass of water. She sat the glass down on the counter and sighed.

"I was wondering when you were going to come home." a voice, foreign and disembodied, called to her. Vanessa bit her lip and squinted her eyes closed, tight. Like she had a migraine or another type of pain.

"I told you my work schedule." Vanessa said, her voice underline with irritation. "Yes I know, but you get off of work at 7am. It's 9am. You're late." "I got a coffee okay? What do you want to hear? That I told him all of your secrets?" "Our secrets, Vanessa, our secrets." "I did my part, my job, you leave me out of the rest." Vanessa snapped and then he entered. He entered the living room. It was him. It had to be.

William Afton. In the flesh.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

He was tying his neck tie, or struggling to at that. Vanessa came around the corner and had to tie it for him upon his request.

"He doesn't even know who you are." Vanessa said. "William Afton is dead." He told her. Was he not standing right there? What did he mean by that? How could he be dead if he was standing right there? "Steve Raglan lives on." I'm sorry who? Who on earth was Steve Raglan? Unless- no it couldn't be. It just couldn't. Was Steve Raglan also William Afton?

"You better keep a tight rope on him." He told her. "And what about this Fancy girl you've told me about?" Her blood ran cold.

He knew. He knew about her. Did he know she was right here? Listening and noting and analyzing his every word. He couldn't he couldn't see her from the angel he was standing at. "She's just some kid thinking she can solve your case." Vanessa said. "But she won't." "See to it that she doesn't." William said.

Oh no that wouldn't do. She would absolute solve his case if it was the last thing she did. Child murder right here. Child murderer on the other side of this window. Child murder just a few feet away from her once again. Child murderer closing in.

"those brats will stay hidden exactly where I put them. And this little girl will never be able to find them. No evidence, remember? Perfectly hidden, perfectly concealed. Done. hidden. Safe." Vanessa didn't say anything. She finished with his tie and headed back into the kitchen. William picked up a brief case.

"Well, Steve Ralgan is off to work." He announced to his daughter. "Bye." Was all she said, no emotion in her voice whatsoever. Their relationship was weird, so bizarre. There was no family love or connection, just pressure. Just weight. The scene was heavy and- now was her chance. She slid her hand into the window between the crack and pulled the mike out. She pressed stop next to the record button and waited a few minutes before walking briskly back to her car.

She had it. She had the evidence she needed. A confession, or close to one. It was obtained by illegal means though. She had been trespassing and therefore her evidence would not hold up in court. She had to go get the confession from him herself. Formally. That would be her next plan. The confession of William Afton.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

She couldn't drive fast enough. Her hands had an iron grip on the wheel as she sped down the highway, praying to god above that no cops were out fine tuning their speed traps that evening. Her knuckles were white, her nails dug into the skin of her palm as they were tightly wrapped around the leather of her steering wheel.

" Trystan Myers was reported missing later that evening ." the true crime commentator announced on her radio as she drove faster and faster. " His body was never found but his dogs, which he was last seen with, have since returned home. If you or anyone you know has any information regarding Trystan Myers you are urged to contact the Samford police at ...."

She swerved her car into the parking lot at Freddy's. Mike had arrived not long before her and he was walking up to the building from the parking lot as she put her car in park. He saw her, and her reckless driving, and walked back over to her. Fancy was breathing hard, she didn't even realize it while she was driving. She was so focused on getting her to tell Mike. She had to tell Mike.

"Hey-" She flinched. "Oh," She opened her car door. "Were you listening to - true crime?" He asked slowly. "Yes." She admitted and Mike quirked a brow at her. "It helps me think." She defended herself. Mike chuckled as he shook his head at her again.

"You're so weird." He said quietly. "Yes ha ha. I'm so weird." She said, waving her hands frantically as she stood and closed her car door behind her.

"Listen," She shouldered her bag, a frantic matter to her, urgent, rushed, anxious. "Something wrong?" Mike asked. Was that concern in his voice? No, couldn't be. He hardly knew her. But maybe he thought he did. Maybe he thought he knew her better than he really did. "No, yes, well actually no." She said. "We need to talk." She said before looking around. "Inside."

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[actualbird]

totally agree about orange scent being rushed, i remember being pretty upset over it because he’s been stuck in this way of thinking for so long, he quite literally runs away from his problems and hes shown to very much struggle with changing his thinking e.g. worrying and then for him to suddenly change his mind after a walk? idk it seemed quite bizarre to me. like u said i think if there was a gap, where he processed the conversation in the graveyard and maybe aaron talk to him some more, maybe even peanut doing his thing!! it would’ve worked well. moreover what upsets me is that you don’t even see the ring in the evolved cg - you see the ring on mc’s finger in the other 3 cards but not in Luke’s!! also i felt it odd he engraved a french word when the whole spanish neruda thing was RIGHT There. don’t get me wrong i love the card but… i wish it had been written and released way later than the second anniversary you know?

irt my in the moment reacts to SSR Orange Scent and then my day-after reacts/thoughts about the story's pacing

on the rushed aspect: i neednt add more there because yeah i go into why it's odd to me in my last response. like, mc even says it herself in the story, she thinks "one heart to heart wont fix all this" or something along those lines and she understands that!! but the story had to wrap up in one last act jkhVSHFKSJH SADS

....ive actually been thinking about it more and wondering now if the 3-act pacing/structure issues is less a fault of the card itself and more a fault of what was sposed to come before it. because like i said earlier, anniv 1 cards didnt feel rushed even if it they were also 3 acts because they were preceded by the overarching story of the Blossom Chapters. meanwhile.....the Sweet Chapters, while enjoyable, just dont do as much of a good job at developing the relationship mainly because their stories are shorter one-offs. each sweet chapter is self contained instead of leading into each other and that...i think that really showed its downside here with luke's anniv 2.

because if i had to remedy the pacing of the anniv 2 card without adding a scene in between act 2 and act 3....i would change it so that instead of mc referencing the double rainbow back in SSR Iridescent Heartbeat, she references some kind key event that happened in a more well developed previous sweet chapter story, an event that fits with mc's desire for luke to do things for himself and to listen to his own feelings, and express those feelings.

on the ring in the evolved cg: i......actually did not notice that hVOAHFASOFIASFKASBFOASFKA

on the word engraved on the ring: i really like devoument (however u spell it kjHVKJSF) for luke's ring!!! u have a point that a reference to neruda in spanish wouldve also been super fitting, tho idk, i loved that luke's word was devotion/sacrifice. since his devotion and sacrifice (and the Faults of his devotion and sacrifice) is so central in this card's story. is there a pablo neruda poem that uses a spanish word/term that has a similar definition? if yes, then that would So Very Much be a wonderful word as well to replace the french one.

on the "written and released later": i dont completely relate to this one! and thats alright! all of us are gonna be reacting and interpreting stories differently. frankly of all the boys, luke is the most fitting one imo to be proposing after one year of dating, given his circumstances and his worries. the "rushing" that i feel is less on luke's choices and more on the structural pacing of the story (and the stories that have come before it) but man....to me, luke Would propose this early.

tho i have not watched the other boys' anniv 2 cards yet!!! i really wanna watch marius'.....

[zalrb]

Zal, how’s your dayyyy? Did you ever get to watch the menu?

So, I watched it. I don't really feel much about it. I don't dislike it or particularly like it either, it held my attention while I watched it but I won't be thinking about it later unless we continue to have a dialogue about it, which I'm open to.

I preferred it to The Glass Onion but it gave me those vibes.

I did laugh here and there like at the "Did he just quote Martin Luther King Jr.?" "He did, yeah." And everyone paying for their meal at the end or also killing the assistant because she went to Brown and has no debt. I also thought the sense of unease throughout the movie was done well and I thought the acting was done well enough, Elsa was definitely the star of the movie, Hong Chau stole the show 100%.

I remember seeing so many articles about Anya Taylor talking about female rage and how male directors/writers will have their female characters sit stoically and shed the one tear and she pushed for her character to just be enraged and hit Tyler but when I watched it, I was quite underwhelmed with what that scene ended up being because it was still pretty contained and calm.

The movie certainly got their archetypes right, the tech bros who just went to say they went, Tyler's pretentiousness -- I've heard many a Tyler in restaurants -- as well as the food critic's even the staff and the intensity of the chef but I was kind of waiting for ... more? Like the reviews were all like it's deliciously mean but I didn't really find it to have the charm or glee I would expect from writers who have done a few episodes of Succession. I do have to say that I appreciated the commitment to playing everything straight like, Ralph Fiennes and Nicholas Hoult have some of the most bizarre and ridiculous dialogue and they played it completely straight.

Like, we of course touch upon the power dynamics between service industry workers and specifically wealthy customers -- Tyler doesn't ask for the chef's name, the older wealthy couple can't remember the last meal they ate at the restaurant, the tech bros walk in like they own the place but I thought they were going to dig into that a little bit more. Or even the messaging that the more wealth and success you come across, the more elite you become, the less joy you'll find in your art kind of just made me go well ... yes.

amirite?

I did laugh at the irony of my viewing experience because of Tyler and how they poked fun at him being a foodie by having him actually cook because that can relate to any type of spectator, right, it can relate to me having my criticisms of TV or movies and then a director handing me the mantle and being like go for it, let's see what you'll do, although I found him being the one to cook a meal for everyone to be an interesting choice because it would've been more fitting for the critic to be the one to do that considering that her job is to critique food and a lot of what she says is bullshit.

So, yeah, it was a good time I'm glad I watched it but I'm not gushing.

[istherewifiinhell]

back on the grief train woo woo (day recap) (most serious skip warning yet)

i have a predilectiction to not wanting to record or remember when (like the specific when in time) bad things happen. but in the last couple years of blogging, and i guess the year and change of drawing ive found a lot more appeal of recall. so i wonder if its not so bad to. record the bad. at any rate i dont think. not recording it makes it less real. which i think is the fear. and. my head is doing it anyway.

im doing this coping method questionable activity here instead of a journal becauseeee??? natural format my brains prefers i suppose.

to recap. the bad horrible no good very bad day

- i went to sleep late, as usual. i wake late. same. i prelong getting out of bed. also same. scrolling idly (or 'pre scrolling' the dash. i dont know why i do it)

- screams. screams and distress and misery and comforting a screaming distressed person. various talking down of hysterical lines of thought. (thats not an insult. 1. circumstances 2. understood behavioural trends) the joint and mouth gear i sleep in dont even come off until the screaming is done. have u every pet someones head in a wrist brace?

- lots and lots of crying. more comforting. the gear comes off. i brush my teeth. exhausted sitting and hovering around the. scene of the incident.

- migration to kitchen as food needs win out. all doors shut and all living beings collect. toast is eaten. water drank. etc.

- backup arrives. infomation is gathered. places are looked up and called. plans are formed. actions are taken. i mentally catalogue setimental, soothing, but give upable fabrics.

- i rip up threadbare torn bed sheets. i have to figure out how to get my dead cat into a box.

-he was around 12-15 pounds. we called him toddler sized and shaped. he had a mean punch and strong grasp. i taught him to sit on my shoulders, sometimes.

- realise how much heavier he is now. i cry. i cover him with the sheet. i somehow get it under him. hes stiff. even the tail. i cry. i pet his fur. i sob getting him into the box.

- backup apologizes. im on my knees. wailing. i think. definetly louder than anything ive done yet. backup gestures the dog at me. knowing my situation. distressee entered at some point. gets a hug from back up. i think i am gestured into the hug. i gesture down. im on the floor.

- i wail and am hugged.

- i am invited on the trip to the place. i gestures to my face. my sleep clothes. i dont see it happening. im told i dont need to be strong all the time. i reiterate. i really just wouldnt be able to get my glasses and a mask on.

- i dont see the box. i dont see much. at i dont remember if i have tea now or earlier. i soon as i hear the car go. im crying again. the sister cat meowing didnt help. i dont actually know or belief if that. i have no idea what she experiences. shes a cat. but. yeah.

- blogging happens? sometime happens? people return.

- im told. four years ago he developed a heart murmer. apparently thats a thing. 4 years. bengin to. serious.

- blogging happens. as well as algorithmic irony. i am asked if i want to watch something. i say. shower first. i forget ever song ive ever heard. for a moment. i settle on the album pocket.

- eventually i come down. i get food. we watch a movie. its a good movie. i have a nice exchange with a friend during too.

- i watch some dishes and realise. bizarrely. my old manager might find out about this. the vet was near to my job. the guy was friends with the techs. this was the kind of infomation he would share with me at times.

- youtube videos until the group disbands.

- i start recounting this my head

- i am wearing pjs i dont like. whatever the level for snotty sleeves where u chuck a set in the hamper has surely been met.

- typing this. using a spare pillow case as a hanky

- im gonna go and try and find the horse traqulizer of pleasant youtube videos.

[lascapigliata]

am now well over halfway through my oscars challenge based on my own secret formula (aka guesstimating) so here is my ongoing microreviews post, for those curious

for some reason when i started writing i did this in order of # of nominees. don’t ask ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

oppenheimer: way too long. even cillian murphy, who was great, cannot sustain 3 hours of biopic. i felt his character development was unearned and rushed. the acting was good all around (though it was so man heavy that i sort of forgot emily blunt was there, surprising that she got that nomination when may december is RIGHT there) and it was gorgeously shot but it just needed a solid edit both in writing and runtime. one of those movies that made me feel stupid bc everyone else liked it. to the tune of 13 noms :/ (i have been told by many that you need to see it in a theater. well then don't release it for home viewing i guess, sorry!) (edit - having watched maestro rustin and napoleon 👎 three mid to bad biopics - this has warmed in my memory)

poor things: mixed feelings. overhyped doesn’t cover it. beautiful to look at. great acting from everyone including emma stone and mark ruffalo who is having simply the time of his life. it’s very funny which i wasn’t expecting! but it felt all a little too affected, a little too Intentionally Weird. idk i really wanted to love it but it was just sort of like okay! watched that! ✅

killers of the flower moon: enjoyed it a lot. i thought lily gladstone was amaaaaazing - their role had potential to just be like melodrama and one-note but they brought so much depth to it. leonardo was fine but of the white people deniro was the standout. too long of course. i alternately remember it as better or worse than it felt in the moment, but even though i wasn't in a theater it was still a good time

barbie: my brother loved this and i thought it was okay. the first half in barbieland and her first fish out of water scenes in the real world were a ton of fun, and it sort of got boring-er from there. visually very clever and fun. but the politics were hollow. relationship between america ferrera’s character and her daughter was unconvincing. the last scene pissed me off so much bc it was just totally unnecessary- should have (spoiler) ended with her putting her heels down and the audience can infer the rest be saved 5 minutes of runtime. (you’ll be shocked to hear i thought this was too long)

maestro: awful. manages to flatten felicia bernstein and somehow doesn’t replace that missing character with anything of substance. neglects to focus on what made bernstein actually interesting by putting basic stock biopic oscar bait scenes together and forgetting about his actual life and accomplishments. i went in knowing i wouldn’t like it but hoping there’d be redeeming qualities and found nearly none. even the best scene - his conducting the mahler resurrection symphony - pales in comparison to just finding the real video of bernstein conducting which is available for free on youtube.

american fiction: great. in theaters so no concept of length but it didn’t drag too much. jeffrey wright did an AMAZING job - so funny and also so grounded. made me cry early on too which i was Not expecting lol. definitely some 😬 moments for me as a white woman but i think that’s healthy for us once in a while. as a side note it was oddly preceded by 15 min of horror movie trailers which was bizarre

anatomy of a fall: LOOVED IT. broadchurch vibes. watched it with a friend who’s a lawyer so we kept pausing to theorize bc it is a great movie for that and she also provided commentary on the courtroom techniques of the lawyers lol. was also thinking about it hours and hours later. such a good film. even understood some of the french lol. big warning for pet illness though - the dog survives but it was not fun

the holdovers: nothing revolutionary but such a sweet little movie. not a huge amount to say about it - watched it on a plane and that was kind of the perfect vibe. i did think that da’vine joy randolph did a fantastic job. a good time. idk that it’s Best Picture worthy but who even knows what that award means

the zone of interest: technically impressive on every level (yes, including sound, which it should win) but i didn’t love it. i guess it’s just that i feel like “look! the mundanity of evil!” was not enough to carry this - it is SO mundane and SO jarring that halfway through i kept just being like “yeah yeah i get it” which itself is ironically kind of normalization but not the way the film intended. but i do think this is more a personal preference issue than actual issues with the movie.

napoleon: quite bad. boring, unfocused. couldn’t decide if it was about the marriage or his ambition and yet didn’t give josephine a character nor made thrilling battle sequences. unfortunately all i will remember is how they randomly used pride and prejudice’s soundtrack out of the blue (indicative of its equally unfocused score), and how joaquin phoenix had an american accent while everyone around him didn’t. also… too long!

the creator: pretty good! not a particularly innovative story but honestly it’s nice to see a good movie done right. hans zimmer rare W these days. john david washington still isn’t the greatest actor but it’s no big when ken watanabe is right there. the vfx are indeed very good. it even tackled western imperialism ok i thought though i obviously welcome discussion here!

past lives: beautiful touching etc. not an easy watch but i loved it. sort of found a great melancholy middle ground that didn’t feel maudlin but certainly wasn’t very happy. unbelievably that greta lee received no nomination for her phenomenal work (or teo yoo or john magaro for that matter). great length too - a perfect 1h45. just well done all around

society of the snow: great little disaster movie if slightly uneven. gorgeously shot for one thing. the tension is well done though i think it ended too… tidily. the fundamental problem i have tho is that if i was in their situation i’d have no qualms about eating people but that’s not the movie’s fault. the music reminded me of giacchino so i couldn’t help but make lost comparisons but that's also not the movie's fault lol. (edit: the music is literally BY giacchino and i thought i'd looked it up. it's a good score! he knows what he's doing!)

may december: LOVED IT!!! fantastic length, fantastic acting. as the great harry styles said it’s nice to see a movie that’s a real movie. i can’t wait to watch this again, i thought the writing was fantastic and it’ll gain a lot on rewatch too. would have loved more focus on the relationship with the kids, but that’s just because i personally found it fascinating. annoying it was only nommed for best screenplay when the acting was so good - yes especially charles melton!!

rustin: not as good as i wanted it to be. all the acting is fantastic especially (unsurprising) colman domingo, but i agree with reviews that said it avoided some of his more radical politics and that the love triangle was not super well executed, and i personally thought the end felt super rushed. it was just too biopic-y. but there was a lot to recommend it anyway just on acting alone though honestly

the color purple: enjoyed it a lot! never saw the original movie but it def smoothed away some stuff from the book in a way that doesn’t surprise me at all but was still too bad. there were clearly songs cut from the show bc there was a huge chunk in the middle with no singing lol. the acting was universally good but i cannot lie danielle brooks stole the show every second she was on screen. the music itself was great too and i think the director really dug into the musicalness of it which is so necessary in something like this. (end credits were particularly good!)

across the spiderverse: what is there to say about this that hasn’t been said. the first movie was much tighter in terms of plot / writing. the politics of this one were sort of a mess. but the animation was so spectacular that it sort of sanded over the flaws i saw in it in my memory and i'd be happy if it won

the boy and the heron: a lovely movie. miyazaki hasn’t lost it. i’d love for this to win best animated as i suspect it will. beautiful visually, very like pan’s labyrinth vibe plot wise. hard to say a lot here bc it was just very good, very solid. + miyazaki simply loves an old wrinkly lady and you know what i think that’s great. deserved a nom for score over fuckin indiana jones for sure

robot dreams: i wanted to adore this but instead i just liked it. it was beautiful and sweet and a nice love letter to new york and everything but i hated the ending lol. it’s a huge swing though with no dialogue and only one real song and you gotta give them points for that! plus it is genuinely sweet and everything. i just was pissed at the literal last scene lol

elemental: better than i expected it to be but still basically eh. some of the technical work is SO impressive - like the non-anthropomorphic water - that it actually highlights how Animated the characters are. but i don’t regret watching. highly recommend doing so stoned if that’s your jam because the animation really is the cool part - pixar’s stories have rly become very templated and boring

nimona: iirc a fun movie, but nothing like jaw dropping. can't evaluate it objectively though bc it wasn't the book and the book was better, unsurprisingly. i watched it a long time ago, it didn't leave a huge impression; i remember it was a cute adaptation. mainly i don't think nimona surpassed suzume (and pixar was always going to get that nomination no matter what), so mostly i'm bitter that suzume wasn't nominated sorry

dial of destiny: fell asleep the first time i watched it, got distracted the second time. it was... fine? the deaging was AWFUL, i'm glad it did not get a makeup or vfx nom, it literally just looked like a videogame and it still SOUNDED like 70yo harrison ford. the score was fine but the same thing john williams has been doing for this franchise since 1981. just like… an unnecessary movie idk

[system-reset]

[Zero sits down and closes her eyes, with only one piece of himself left, he figures it's time to let everyone know the story. focusing all her physical energy, magical mana, and emotional strength onto this one thing, she begins to whisper an incantation in a long dead tongue. the scene shifts around him. it's a memory.]

[you can see Zero, much younger, standing over a grave. tears in her eyes, she whispers an apology. 'im sorry. i didn't know...' but apologizing won't bring back his father. and it certainly won't fix his illness.]

no. earlier than that, Yg, you know what I'm looking for.

[the scene shifts once more. Zero, younger still, stands in the doorway to a bedroom. there's an older person laying in the bed, clearly sick. 'Lilith, my love, go back to bed. I will be here still in the morning. do not come close.' but Zero, didn't listen. they knew, somewhere in their child heart, that their mother would be something else by morning. he rushed in, tears in his eyes, and hugged her for the last time.]

[another shift. Zero stands at her mother's grave with their village. he is the only one who knows, in that moment, that he is sick now too. and soon... everyone she loves will be.]

[shift again. this time to a much more active scene. Zero is nowhere to be seen. a beast with wings of leather and claws of steel terrorizes the village. killing those who cannot flee.]

[a shorter shift. Zero sits in the middle of the carnage. the beast stands in front of him. he calmed it, somehow. still, he wonders if it's worth being alive if most of her village is dead and the rest are ill. her father is one of the few who survived the beasts attack. but soon...]

[now there's a forest. Zero leads the beast carefully to a bizarre clearing. the two of them sit there, and Zero calls a name you can't quite make out. the fae whose name was called appears, and the two negotiate for a bit. you can't hear what was said, but in the end the beast vanished and Zero was left with a small bag of cubes. this piece of the memory is hazy. not because Zero doesn't remember very well, but because she's afraid of what you'll think if you knew the full details of the deal he made that night.]

[yet another shift. Zero stands in the centre of her village, which has been repaired as best as possible. it's the middle of the night and it's unclear if anyone knows shes there. he walks to the cemetery, and places notes on a few graves. they're apologies. 'im sorry it happened this way,' each note begins, 'i never meant to cause this much damage,' they continue, 'i just wanted to help. to fix what damage the illness and the beast had done. I didn't think it would turn out like this.' and then, the last grave and the last note. she stood over her father's grave. 'im sorry,' she whispers. when he looks up again, the sun is rising, and he realizes he needs to leave.]

[a final shift. Zero stands outside a house he clearly isn't sure about. regardless, he goes to the door. when it's answered, all he says is 'im here for the job.' with that, the man who answered ushers him inside, and the memory fades.]

Yg, why are you ending it there? they deserve to know what that job was.

[suddenly, another voice pipes up]

YOU HAVE SHOWN ENOUGH. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH MANA TO CONTINUE, AND YOU KNOW I NEED YOU ALIVE.

fine. whatever.