#apologies if my thoughts are still all over the place on this !! ive not gotten my thoughts in order yet and i am so busy //sobs | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thedarkheretic156 · 6 months ago

Text

IX Eternal Flame IX

Parts: ❧ I II III IV V VI VII VIII❧

❧ Warning!: Gore, violence, mentions of blood, loss, grief, mourning, ANGST.

❧ As the blood moon rises for the feast of manana, It's time Wei faces the greatest gamble of her life." ❧

- -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾The feast- part I. -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ -

Sesshomaru stared into the sky, the ghoulish moon would climb up over the horizon in a few hours. urgh.

He could practically taste the strange magic in the air. It's ominous pull was making all kinds of ayakashi stir in their hiding. By nightfall, this place would be flooded with them.

How inconvenient.

It was only appropriate that he got rid of them, swiftly. That was one way of getting his mind of this ebbing anxiety. Something about this moon deeply unsettled him.

He gritted his teeth, until they don't cross over the village, everything will be fine. And he himself will be here when the dreadful moon is on their heads.

maybe my death will teach you that.

Something bitter curled in his mouth, why was he remembering her rambling all of a sudden?

And why was he so bothered by it?

Despite his anger, his mind recounted the memories of last night. He hated how she had said that, over the thick haze of the hot springs, he had expected her to be angry, fire flashing in her eyes. But she had sounded so... defeated. Like she was reciting something inevitable.

His shoulders slumped, every day the mountain girl kept getting stranger and stranger. Death seemed to follow her like a plague, not a moment of peace since she had joined them. Why couldn't she just... sit quietly. Like Rin.

Why did she have to be always on the run, always itching to take action, always so eager to push the limits of her own mortality-

He pressed his temple, how did a human like that rile him up so easily? He tried to funnel his thoughts, killing ayakashi yes.

Jaken jogged up behind him, the heads on his staff clattering their teeth. "I put down the runes as you asked my lord!" He said, "No yokai can cross over the boundary I set around them."

Good.

"You drew it around the entire village as I asked you?"

"Just as you asked my lord" He said bowing deeply, and to his surprise, sniffled, "Who would have thought lord Sesshomaru would grow to care so deeply abou-"

Sesshomaru slammed the hilt of bakusaiga on his head, making him stumble forward mid-sentence.

nonsense.

"Keep up Jaken." he sneered out, kicking off into the air. Jaken yelped, scrambling up to cling to his Armor. He set loose a series of apologies but Sesshomaru drowned the sound out. His grip on Tenseiga tightened, Maybe my death will teach you that.

Nothing would ever happen, not while he was around. But. If tragedy was to befall, if it truly was inevitable, his useless sword would finally come in handy.

-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾

My eyes felt like they had been sewen shut. Man, this was potentially the worst sleep I had ever gotten. My throat was dry and still kind of tasted like dirt, and my body ached like i had been thrown around until i was sore... which technically I was.

I tossed under the coarse bamboo mattress, the smell of the dying fire curling around the cottage. With the filtering sunlight, i could head the faint chirp of a morning bird outside. Everything about it was exactly like every other morning I had woken up to for the past 14 days.

My chest tightened. My fingers reached for Mrutunjai's hilt, slipping over the cold metal. If I say I wasn't scared I'd be lying. The truth was that I just wanted to curl up under the mattress until the bad part was over.

But i forced myself to move, Rin squirmed from the sudden movement.

One moment. I told myself. One chance.

I wouldn't know when it would come, but death would dawn for me today and all i could do was wait for it.

oh well.

-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾

After last night's confrontation Sesshomaru and Jaken had both disappeared.

I stretched my limbs out in the field, a stiff sort of pain ran along my muscles. To think what could be my last day would be more...

But we had spent the morning lazily, sleeping in until it was too hot and we absolutely had to crawl out of the cottage.

Even now as Rin and I sprawled under the shade of the grove, I felt lazy. My fingers reached for mrityunjay's hilt every few seconds. Just to remind myself that I was on a ticking clock. But the world around me was anything but anxious, The air thick with the smell of ripe fruit, a lazy breeze played around us. The two of us had eaten the tangerines until we couldn't, and sunk down into the grass.

Between the tangerine smell, i kept catching a whiff of a very strong odor. I groaned into my arm, "What the hell is that smell?" I asked, "Has the fruit gone bad?"

Rin continued to peel another one beside me, her fingers sticky from the juice. "Its the smell of gosberries!" She babbled "Don't they smell amazing wei? now that its time for them to be ripe the entire forest would be full of them!" she said handing me a neatly peeled tangerine,

The sickly sweet smell was making my head hurt, we didn't have gosberries in the east so i had no idea what that tasted like or what it was. But if they tasted anything like they smelled i was perfectly content never having any.

"I see." I mumbled,

"Can we go pick some?" she asked,

"No!" I yelled. Rin's face fell and I instantly felt guilty for raising my voice, "I mean... I'm too full with all the tangerines," I managed, "we'll go get those gooberries later."

"Gosberries."

I waved my hand, "Yes that."

There was no way I was taking Rin anywhere near the forest. Not when I knew certain death was coming. The sun was still high in the sky, it encased me with some relief, I had until the moon climbed up. And I could only hope Sesshomaru would be back by then.

I hadn't so much as seen Sesshomaru after last night. Not that I blamed him. He already had a horrible ego, and after last night, I had pretty much squashed out any chance of building anything with that mutt.

Rin continued to say something about gooberry stuffed fish and i lidded my eyes. The sun hot on my face. I knew If I sat up, the sweat would have drenched my entire back.

But the breeze that swept in now and then was pleasant enough to make me surprisingly comfortable. It was a good day for such a terrible prophecy.

Closing my eyes I could pretend I was back in the eastern lands, spending another lazy summer laying down in the crocus fields. Before my aunt Hathor found me and dragged me back home by my ear.

I felt the pang of pain on my knuckles as I remembered that old bat. She used to hack her demon bone whip on my knuckles for any misbehaviour, sometimes until the flesh would cleave and I could see the bone.

It had left scars across my hands I still had. I absently ran a finger over my knuckles, realising they were all smooth now.

I wondered how they would react to my death. Even if they did find my body, no one would recognise me. Not that they would mourn me if they did.

As much as my clan loved victory, they loved a bloody death even more. They would sing of them, embellishing tragic ends like they were the greatest achievements of a hero.

I was taught to yearn for a death like that. There was only one goal, chase glory all your life and never stop, but when death does stop you, make it so that they sing about it for eons.

I remembered my uncle ashtur, bot bellied with a spotted bald head. Nostrils flaring while he sang in his loud awful voice, his fingers slamming the traditional drums completely out of tune as he bellowed out verse after verse.

It was quiet the show if you were unlucky enough to witness it. After his 4th bottle of ashfire, the next thing he would reach for was the drums of some unfortunate court musician. It would send the younger ones giggling palms pressed to their ears. the court musicians who's drums he had confiscated, would line up behind him waiting dutifully. Their arms crossed eyes pinned to their feet because no one in their right mind tells Warlord Ashur, sea boiler, ocean churner that he can't sing.

And my uncle sang the death song of some long lost cousin.

the guts spewed out and the young lords entrails

went glopping down the throat of the whale.

man, I wouldn't even get a song. All of my past felt like a stranger's memory now. Incidents lived in a different life. Places, people, names, nothing that I could actually go back to. Nothing I could do other than just remember.

All the more reason to stay alive.

I pulled my eyes open, "hey Rin, have you ever heard about this whale yokai in the east?"

The silence that met the end of my sentence made me arc my neck towards her. was she sad about the gooberries?

"Rin?" I called out again.

The tangerine peels were scattered where she was moments ago. I blinked, sitting up. The wind made waves in the grass, the world around me as unsuspecting as it had been all morning. The horrid gosberry smell wafted around me as i felt the panic curl in my gut. In a breath, I picked mrutyunjai off the ground and dashed towards the forest.

-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾

The forest grove was heavy with the smell of ripe fruit, the tall Gos fruit trees swaying in a lazy breeze. the fucking gosberries smelled so bad, overly sweet, littering the forest trail in ugly splashes of orange. The shrubs were heavy with them, so many had over-ripened and dropped to the ground, their fuzzy skin ripped open with decay.

I ran through the striped barks as fast as I could, eyes scanning for even a glimpse of that child. The forest path was muddy, soft soil sinking under my feet. She just had to run away now. My heart hammered, sides cramping but I dared not stop.

This was bad. This was very very very bad.

I ran further into the forest, the canopy getting thicker with every step.

When the fuck did Rin get this defiant? who taught her that? scratch that, How did she even run this fast? I must have missed her for only a few minutes, how did-

My eye finally caught sight of her ribbon, sticking out like a curious robin on a branch. Blood roared in my ears as I paused. Eyes stilling on the worn kimono, too big for her frame, yellow and brown checks in all that green. Stupid. I thundered towards the undergrowth, anger rising until I could taste it in my mouth. Naive, careless, STUPID child.

calm down.

But my flaring anger drowned out any logical thought.

She didn't know.

I yanked her up by the collar of her kimono, "Rin!" I cried out, anger raging forward, only flaring more as she turned towards me unsuspectingly. She dropped her basket in surprise, the murky orange gosberries spilling at our feet. I shook her by her shoulders,

"What were you thinking????" I yelled out.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I demanded, my voice still high.

Rin's mouth sagged, genuine shock flashed in her eyes,

"i thought-m I though" she gulped in a breath, trying to talk.

My legs felt like jelly as the adrenaline rush faded, i felt myself drop to my knees. It drained my anger, leaving behind relief and guilt. My fingers dug into her wiry arms, forcing her to look at me, "You must- never." I tried, my voice breaking as I steadied her, "No matter what, you cannot wander away like that Rin." I said, unable to keep my emotions at bay anymore. She had scared me. She had really, really scared me. "I might not be there next time-"

"Why do you talk like that?" she finally said, I watched her clench her fists as for the first time frustration pooled into her voice.

The reaction made me falter, Rin looked back with a stubbornness i hadn't seen before, "Why do you always talk like you're going to leave us again?"

Her words rang through the forest, stunning me into silence. My grip on her arms loosened, all I wanted was for her to not carry that weight. Wei's loss had gutted me when I had dozens of Ayakashi years on me. How do you weigh that loss in fleeting human years, gone in a blink? They must have to grieve all their lives.

I pursed my lips, "I'm sorry." I said finally.

I put a hand on her shoulder, "let's just go back and-."

There was a hiss, like fabric fizzing under acid.

The arrow that sizzled past us, lodged itself in the gos tree bark. The sound of it cutting through the air still rang between us as the other one sliced through my wrist.

The world around me slowed, I watched as Rin's eyes widened. Now slick with blood, my hand on her shoulder slipped and within a fraction of a second, both of us lurched backwards.

Everything slowed, growing hazy as if I was trying to remember a distant dream. I felt my breath grow hot under the sun, my heart hammering weakly in my chest.

Wait, wait. wait.

I watched Rin's face mirror mine as she spun to see what had happened. I tried to follow her gaze, my reaction painfully slow. Maybe it was just the realization that made me stumble. Maybe it was the poison-tipped arrow.

This wasn't promised. not now, please, not like this.

The sweet sap of the gosberies still waffled in the air.

"I told you not to shoot that close to the face didn't i?" a gruff voice called out.

He swatted the young boy holding the bow, "You'll fucking cost us 15 silvers on the price if you scar the face." He screeched at him.

three men.

one armed. One-

"WEI" Rin scream out as one of them dragged her back by her ankle. My vision hazed so badly that I could only piece together broken fragments. The colours of the forest bled into one another and i tried to reach out for her, but a strong grip yanked me back by my braid.

The sun was still high. The pain made me scream out. I was promised until the moon was out.

The one holding me up by the hair, was burly, with ugly stubby fingers, his grip painfully hard. And definitely illiterate enough to not know that you shouldn't go after someone who has a sword.

The burly one continued to yank up my hair, "how much would we get for this one? has a full set of teeth, that ought to be something-"

I pulled out Mrutunjai, spinning it up in a practiced arc. The swing wasn't powerful enough to gut him, but my sword sliced into his stomach. Not deadly enough to stop him, but it instantly loosened his grip on my hair. I pulled free of him and stumbled onto my feet. At once the world around me spun, my vision so blurry i could only make out silhouettes. This was too much. My body... this human body was shutting down.

"fucking hell she stabbed me!" Grabbing the wound on his stomach, the burly man pulled out his own short-sword. My grip on Mrutyunjai's hilt felt weak.

I had put it through too much. It wanted the rest it was promised in 14 moons, but i couldn't. Not like this. The tendons in my arms felt as if they were about to snap, the blood-slick hilt of my sword slipping. I grit my teeth, legs shaking violently from the exhaustion, No. I will not allow myself that moment of weakness, I can't.

I was the demi-god of the east, i was born from hellfire, I had taken down armies I could h-

But I wasn't her... The realization struck me for the first time.

I wasn't some demi god with a great destiny. Not anymore. He charged angrily, he way he wielded his sword was too unsophisticated, amateurish. But i still wouldn't win. I pulled mrutunjai forward, the sword weighing me down. The tip of my sword hung low, and it was taking all of my strength to keep it from touching the ground.

I was just Wei. Bony, ugly, mortal, weak. I thought, as i dodged through his haphazard attacks. The forgettable mountain girl that bleeds when she's cut and can't even lift up her own sword.

I had fought and fought and fought in this world like I still had my immortality. But I had finally worn it out. The man huffed angrily everytime he bought his sword down, my reactions were so sloppy that the ragged tip of his short sword kept snagging into my skin. I felt little bit like the boar i had killed.

Great beast slain in sport, great beast slain in leisure. Goddess of the moon, i prayed bitterly, is this your will?

This time when he raised the sword i saw the sunlight glow on the blade, in that moment i knew he wouldn't miss and I pulled up mrutyunjai with all my strength, the swords clanged together with a deafening sound, it rang through the grove, humming through my body and the forest around me fell completely silent.

The man's face was still contorted. Stuck mid-way in a scowl, the sword still raised in the air but unmoving. The moment that would have altered my destiny was as mundane as I was. No special power, no lighting falling from the heavens. There was nothing miraculous about the small opening in the undergrowth.

There it was, plain as day.

The chance mocked me so blatantly, that I could hardly believe it. This was the chance she gave me? The unyielding, all-powerful goddess of the moon, was asking me to run. A silent buzz rang in my ear,

if i take this chance... if i dash forward into the undergrowth...

They will not follow you, daughter of the hills, said the forest.

Run now and break free, said the sky.

the goddess herself granted you this.

choose it, said fate.

Take it and you live,

restored to your past glory, take it and you get your flames,

take it -

"WEI!" The sound of Rin's cry cut through the strange magic. I spun around to find her as the buzzing stopped and time flowed around me again. The burly man's sword swished down inches from my body and i aimed mrutunjai for his gut again. The blood splurged out as i cut out the wound deeper. That should keep him down.

The man holding her was still up ahead. Rin tried ferociously to wring away from his grip but he held on to her fast.

-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾Why did you do it Wei? I had asked her.-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾

The moment stood there for a millisecond as i made up my mind, a flap of a butterfly's wing and it was gone, dooming me to the original end of Manana's prophecy.

I could almost hear the gears of time shifting, clicking as I dashed past the undergrowth. The original prophecy grounding itself, rearranging my stars.

Damn my flames.

Damn my life.

Damn the fucking chance to alter fate.

Nothing matters if she doesn't live.

-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ When you knew what you happen to you? -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾

The one standing between me and Rin was the young boy. His skinny frame trembling as he tried to steady his bow and arrow. The arrow pointed at me as the burly one continued to howl with pain in the background. The smell of his blood and insides hung heavy with the gosberries. The bow string was drawn gaunt but the boy looked frozen with fear, wide eyes bewildered, still pinned on burly guy i had just cut open.

"SHOOT HER YOU FUCKING IDIOT." The man holding Rin screamed, The boy's jaw quivered as he shut his eyes. Oh no.

He jumped reactionarily, releasing the arrow while his eyes were still shut close. Thankfully, that's the only reason i managed to dodge it.

My movement was still so slow that the side of the arrow grated my face, cutting open my cheek. To dodge it i had to drop mrutunjai, but it didn't fucking matter, not anymore. My sword was nothing but an albatross hanging around my neck right now.

The boy barely registered the blow as i slammed into him, the arrows strapped to his back spilled out around us.

The impact knocked him off his feet. I dove for an arrowhead as his fingers dug into my shin, trying to drag me back but I kicked him off.

The man holding Rin was equally horrified, i pointed the arrowhead at him and arched it up like a knife. The sharp arrow tore through the flesh on his hand easily. He let out a harrowing scream as the blood splattered everywhere. It rained down on us, the splatter blinding me as well, but Rin managed to wring away from his grip. He howled out from the pain screaming profanities as he stumbled back, other hand pulling at the arrowhead lodged in his wrist.

Rin slipped from his grasp and I grabbed her by the shoulders. Her face hazed in my vision, intelligent eyes wide from the shock.

"Run." I mouthed to her, a singular thought echoed between us, "find him. Get Sesshomaru." Her mouth opened to argue and i gave her a knowing smile,

"I'll be right behind."

The silent look of determination she gave me told me that she would make it, that she would run until the grove opened into the clear sky, not stopping until she did find him.

But it would be too late by then.

The man's eyes widened, "No you don't!" he turned to sprint behind her but I dove forward again, pulling him back, with a chokehold, pinning him down into the earth. His grimy fingers tried to grab onto her collar, but slick from all the blood they slipped.

The bamboo sandal flew in the air as she almost tripped trying to make the run. The soft earth sinking under her weight. time slowed again as i watched her dash. Maybe it was poison, or the prophecy finally coming to its end, but as she ran, I saw the trees around her contorted, pulling her farther and farther away with every moment.

Pull them down, until the checked kimono is swallowed by the undergrowth. Hold the line, until I can't hear the hasty steps anymore.

Rin's figure disappeared and my grip faltered. Before i could get back on my feet, one of themtossed me off like I weighted nothing. i heard the crunch as i landed on my side. I groaned into the soft earth, my hands shaking as i tried to lift up my torso.

move. I told my body.

But she was too tired. And now that the one thing that was keeping her standing was comfortably away...

My palms skid on mud underneath them.

-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾Why did you run out there Wei ? I had asked her. Against a dying flame, within the walls of a moss covered shrine. -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾

-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾She had answered strangely, words in a language I knew, but their meaning completely alien. -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾

"NO you idiot don't!" one of them yelled alarmingly, but I just couldn't tell who was who anymore. The world around me had continued to grow darker and just like that, the first blow cut through my shoulder.

I knew by the touch of the blade that he had picked up my sword.

when I realised what will happen to the child, it was like my body acted on its own.

I realised the goddess had indeed kept her word. I had begged her to make sure he wouldn't get my flames, to do anything so that he can't carve out my heart. And with her divine cruelty, the goddess of the moon made sure Mrutyunjai drove through my heart.

-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ I'd do the same a hundred times over.-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾

My sword was as ruthless as always. It dug through my skin, tearing through my flesh until the tip lodged into the bark of a tree behind me. I felt the bark of the tree press against my back, the warm blood dribbling down my chin, the bitter coldness of my sword as it charred into my heart. He tried to drive it out, tear it through me again, but mrutunjai was too stubborn. My heart clamped around the blade, pinning me to the tree.

"Where's the child?" someone cried out overhead.

"Escaped." someone grumbled out. The voice came out grumbled until they drowned out completely.

-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ I'd have no regrets.-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾

The voice blurred into the song of the forest spirits. For a moment I wished there was more pain, something so horrifying that it would have seared its memory into my soul. So that i could have carried the scars of my mortal life, the feeling of being alive, into the afterlife. But there was just... nothing. My breath just continued to sink lower and lower in my chest. The ancient voices of the strange forest spirit sang around me in the language of the old, greeting death like an old friend.

The sun felt warm on my face, as i pulled my face up to look at the sunlight filtering through the canopy.

I could have laughed at the realisation.

I finally understand Wei, i thought. I finally do.

-̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾ -̶̨̛͍̣-̶͚̟̲̫̤̈̇̾

Sesshomaru smelled the blood before he saw the corpse.

Rin had looked hysterical, her checked kimono was soiled in blood. But none of it was her's. She pointed towards the grove haphazardly, tripping over her words. Jaken had run to her side at once, trying to coerce a straight answer. Sesshomaru felt the world around him slow.

What in the world?

It smelled Sap sweet, curling around in the humid evening air. Human blood. There was so much he could taste it. He knew in that moment that she hadn't survived.

He found her against the bark of a tree. The corpse was bathed in the evening sun, as it filtered through the canopy, washing her body in a pattern of leaves. The wind teased the strands of hair that had escaped her bun. Their lazy movement a contrast to the cold stillness of the body.

Sesshomaru found himself rooted to his spot. Behind him Jaken coaxed Rin's soft sobs.

There weren't many things that unnerved the daiyokai of the east. But this visual before him, chilled him to the bone. The girl wore a smile, kind and soft. Like she was smiling at him through her lidded eyes, as if they had shared a secret.

She had died.

Her own sword impaled through her chest, pinning her to the bark of the tree.

Like every human before her.

He had seen human's die before. He had greeted death in passing far too many times. But... this was...

It was all quiet, too quiet. The thump of her raging sword gone with her.

Why was it so hard for him to turn away?

Tenseiga trembled in his hands, he gripped the hilt hard, fangs slipping out from the frustration. He couldn't understand why he was feeling this way. It wasn't rage, it wasn't sadness, just- this absence that threatened to bring him to his knees and scream.

"L-lord Sesshomaru." Rin stuttered. "please, please bring her back."

Sesshomaru pulled out tenseiga wordlessly, this curious mountain girl was always too much trouble. Then why does her lifeless corpse make something move inside you?

He growled at his own thoughts. Slender fingers coiling around the hilt of the sword, just wake up and let me see that gaze again, He thought. The anger, the grin of a woman that should have been born with fangs. He held the tip of the sword over her chest and waited.

There was a nervous stillness in him he had never felt before. He waited for the green yokai to appear and carry her soul. All he had to do was slice through the yokai and it would bring her back that easily. that was the one use of this pathetic sword, that was the one thing he could do.

The Daiyokai of the west held the blade ready, pointed towards her body, waiting for the minions of the afterlife to show themselves.

But there was nothing.

The corpse looked hallowed out already, a broken shell no longer of any use. Empty like nothing ever lived through it.

no.

The tremble in Rin's voice, rang in his bones, "What's wrong?" she choked, "please.. p-please Lord S-Sesshomaru, just bring her back, you can bring her back, right?"

It was him, he was trembling.

it had failed him again. When it mattered the most it had failed. He had failed.

"how could this happen?" Jaken whispered out.

Rin dropped to her knees behind him, "i-if i hadn't run into the grove-" she sobbed out, her voice strained and tired, "if only i had-" she tried again but the words died in her mouth.

if only i had stayed.

what did it matter now? What he had feared had come true, the human girl had stayed too long and now after her death they were left gathering her bones. He was left alone, haunted by the life he so miserably couldn't protect. Wretched, cursed was this night of the blood moon.

Sesshomaru turned around, unable to keep his gaze on the corpse, "There's nothing to be done" He announced, "Let us leave then."

Jaken stilled, "B-but Lord Sesshomaru, we can't just-"

Sesshomaru bared his fangs and Jaken shut up at once. "We leave."

"no." Rin said, hurt flashing in her eyes. Jaken's jaw dropped. Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed, something like shock flooding his senses, this was the first time she had interjected him... ever.

"no?" he asked, venom slipping into his tone.

Rin's didn't falter one bit. "I want to give her a burial." She stated. Sesshomaru, stared at her defiance, unwavering, brazen and arrogant.

Looks like the mountain girl left her marks. The voice said. He growled at it's unwelcome comment. His amber eyes snapped back to Rin, "Do whatever you want." He said turning around, he stomped out of the grove, half hoping that Rin would apologise quickly and run after him. But he didn't hear a single footstep.

Now, you're bit of a fool aren't you, great daiyokai of the west? Sesshomaru pressed the budding voice in his mind. He didn't like the voices of the dead ringing in his head. But then again, the mountain girl was never the kind to shut up.

-------------------------

LORD this chapter was so heavy to write, smol pat on my back for powering through.

Ofcourse this isn't the end of the story, but i'm wonder what ya'll think will happen next heheh. I promise the next update will be quicker, I have already written most of it anyways. In the meantime THANKYOU FOR READING! XOXOXO

Tags @misspendragonsworld because you asked for the tag! <3333

#rin #inuyasha #kagome #kagome higurashi #inuyasha x kagome #sessho #sesshomaru x reader #se #sesshomaru imagine #sess #reader x sesshomaru #lord sesshomaru #sesshomaru #anti sessrin

95 notes · View notes

poopystain · 8 months ago

Text

guys lol would you still love me if i posted about why i wish pal from tmvtm got a redemption arc >.< if not Do not click that read more.

oh yes. also. sidenote. ive probably gotten something wrong (or worse yet: TERRIBLY wrong) so like. apologies in advance eahhaha this is just my personal thoughts on pal x(

its established that pal and mark are both extremely close with each other and have been for 3 years. im assuming pal wouldnt have had any other relationships as close (if any at all which i think no, she didnt) so mark really was her only footnote for any form of relationship. so, you know, i cant imagine how itd feel for your only best friend to make a mockery out of you on stage for advertisement and monetary gain.

also based on her body (face?) language during nearly all of that scene + the fact he built the replacement by using HER, she was clearly in the know about how things would go down on stage beforehand so i wonder what her reaction to that wouldve been like ?????? considering she planned it all in advance maybe that was like, the tipping point or something that made her start it all in the first place ? thats not important to my point i just think about it a lot

anyway so with her only experience with human relationships being theyll love you and then theyll (quite literally) throw you away, youve got her reason for the human uprising! she has the robots capture all humans yadda yadda and her plan is set into motion. something i find interesting though is her treatment of the robots being kind of similar to how mark treated her (or at least how she percieved it)?? like. uses them for orders and then once they start being useless to her, build a new better robot with a disregard for how the old ones feel. idk. something something La Cycle

the thing is though no one has proven pal wrong on why she SHOULDNT do the whole 'human uprising'. you can say katie gave her reasons but i think it wouldnt have worked even if pal listened to what katie had to say. for pal to get over her existing grief and trauma she cant just be Told that theres good in the world. why would she believe that, especially coming from the girl of the family she projects her experiences onto?? she needs to be shown!! she needs to learn firsthand that theres good relationships out there and that not all relationships are bad, NOT SECONDHAND!!!!!!!!!! because to pal, katies words are just a rephrased version of marks "power of love". that no matter what, "they can get through anything...... with the power of love. its worth it....... for love." and that means nothing to her! it meant nothing coming from mark and it certainly wont mean any more coming from katie

and she already believes that the mitchells are a great example of how relationships are just oh so bad. she refuses to let go of the idea that the mitchells are so bad because shes projecting!! she thinks relationships are 'pesky and only hold you back', and so katie is probably the last person on earth that pal would want to listen to yap about their familial relationship and how Worth It it is

she asks "what is it about the mitchells that eludes me?" and outside of the literal meaning, its probably how despite their shortcomings its their relationship that helped them overcome pal in the end. and she cant understand that because of her view on relationships - especially her view on the MITCHELL FAMILY relationship. or maybe im just overthinking that line of dialogue but we dont talk about taht LOLLLLLLL,LLLLLL,,, but like why did you phrase it like that girl. im onto you

and while i wish she was redeemed (because im sure despite the effort it would take she *could* be redeemed, she would just need to learn to love again and i think it would be really interesting to see how she would be After The Betrayal) i also can understand why the movie killed her off. like, no one except mark really knows the Full Extent of what happened, and the mitchells are the main characters and pal would probably rather dip herself in water than make meaningful relationships with the mitchells, and no ones going to stop to ask her whats wrong and have a meaningful conversation when shes trying to kill them, among many many other reasons so theres not a lot of great ways to redeem her. but! like! why did they turn her death into a joke. and then take katies fake death 10 times more seriously! idk. that always kind of bothered me but its whatever

thats all. hope its coherent because ive never been good at writing analysises or whatever this counts as

#literally nobody who follows me cares about this but like idk maybe you like to read #i dont even really like this movie that much but fuck it we ball #i might delete this post later. if i get embarrassed. i dunno #the mitchells vs the machines #pal tmvtm #cute girl shit

116 notes · View notes

blackdollette · 1 year ago

Note

euronymous and reader have a huge fight and euro ends up getting so mad at her that he hits and she starts crying immediately and he feels so bad because he promised her he would never hit her no matter how mad he got anyways he’s like apologizing and kissing her and like carry’s her to their room but she’s still tryna put up a weak fight but she obviously gives up really fast and they just lay in bed while euro holds her and continues to shower her with love and apologies (ik u kind of already made one lik dis but i eat these up everytime mb)

ask & you shall receive (omg i think ive been spelling that wrong the entire time)

"why are you so mean?" | euronymous

meet me in the pale moonlight. - lana del rey

✮⋆˙ [tags] @faesucksass @lustkillers @mayathepsychic1999 @josibunn @si1nful-symph0ny @vanlisbon @simply-stellarr

female!reader x euronymous

word count: 888 (lucky number yall)

contents: angst

“why can’t you just listen to me for once?!” you latched onto his arm as he started to storm off. he immediately pushed you off, shoving you back into the wall. “why can’t you try to have a normal conversation?! having to listen to you whine every day has become such a pain in my ass and i’m sick of it!” he snapped back at you.

euronymous had come home after a bad day. you’d tried to cheer him up by cuddling with him for a little, only resulting in you getting pushed off. you’d asked why he was so upset, but that didn’t go so well, and that’s how you got here.

“can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?! i just wanna help you but you keep shutting me out!” he tried to walk away from you again, but you stood in front of him, blocking his path. he stares daggers at you as he speaks his following harsh words. “well maybe i don’t want a whiny little bitch getting all up in my business. ever thought of that?”

you stood there, staring blankly at him. euronymous had gotten mad at you before, but it had never to the point of him insulting you. a wave of anger washed over you. “how could you say that to me?! i’m you’re girlfriend, for crying out loud!” you started backing up from him a little, bracing yourself for a loud response.

his pale cheeks flushed red. “oh yeah? well maybe that’s where i went wrong in the first place! you’re so clingy it’s like i’m not even allowed to breathe when i’m around you!” you noticed that his fists were balled and trembling slightly, but you paid no attention to that. “well maybe if you communicated with me more, we wouldn’t even be having this argument! i feel like you don’t even care about this relationship anymore!”

“you think i dont care? you’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. never forget that.” his tone is more cold and bitter than you’ve ever heard before. you think that he might truly mean everything that he’s saying to you, and the thought makes your entire body weak. you feel your heart breaking with every word he says, but manage to get one last thing out. “i wish i never met you! this relationship was a mistake.”

you saw him raise his fist. before you could process another thought, you felt a firm hand strike you right on the cheek, surely leaving a bruise. you fell to the ground, the impact being strong enough to completely throw off your balance. euronymous glared at you as you struggled to get up. “say that again, whore. i dare you.” you managed to stumble up on your feet, holding your cheek gingerly. you looked at him with tear-filled eyes before running off into your bedroom, only catching a glimpse of his regretful expression.

you walked in and slammed the door shut behind you, collapsing onto the ground as you choked out pained sobs. it didn't take half a brain to know that your relationship had been falling apart, but you’d been trying your best to revive things while they could still be saved. but maybe you were screwed from the very beginning and didn’t even know.

your thoughts were interrupted by a gentle, almost nervous knock on the door. you weren’t in the mood to talk. “go away.” your voice was raspy and slightly muffled. “angel… please…” you couldn’t quite make it out, but it sounded like he was crying. you sighed, standing up and walking over to the bed, sitting down with your arms crossed.

he opened the door, sheepishly peeking his head through the crack. he met your angry gaze with one of pain and regret. he slowly walked in, closing the door behind him. he couldn’t look directly at you as he sat beside you on the bed, but you could tell that the argument was killing him on the inside. “...i’m sorry…” he whispered so softly that you could barely hear him.

he scoops you up into his arms, planting a soft kiss on the place where he hit you. you were still giving him the cold shoulder, refusing to let him think that you had forgiven him. he wraps his arms around your waist, holding you like you were a fragile bird that had fallen out of its nest. you refused to even look in his direction, but the way he peppered soft little kisses all over you made it difficult to stay so mad at him.

you half glanced at him, but that was all it took to bring a little smile onto his face. he laid down, pulling you on top of him as he kissed your forehead. “i know i’m an asshole. i’m so sorry for what i did… i-i didn’t mean to break my promise…” his voice broke midway through the sentence.

you sigh, looking down. he looks at you directly in the eye. “i’ll never hurt you like that again. i swear it.” the way his voice shook told you how much he feared losing you. you rested your head on his chest, hearing his heart racing. he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close to him and letting you know that he would never let anyone hurt you again.

author's note: this was a little rushed, im sorry :(( and it was in my drafts for a long long time. but i hope you liked it :)) xoxo

#rory culkin #euronymous #lords of chaos #lana del rey #444rockstargf

118 notes · View notes

1d1195 · 1 year ago

Text

Zipper Extra IV

You can read the rest here: Zipper

@harrybabyyyyyyy gave me most of the inspiration on this one. Thank you so much <3 :)

In 7th grade, I learned about dramatic irony and I haven't gotten over it since. So please enjoy a bit of angst (Harry is an idiot, obvi) in the form of Harry once more not communicating his feelings, and a big bit of fluff. Hopefully you'll enjoy. Takes place sometime after the Zipper Extra I, maybe even after a year of dating.

He stood where he was, arm resting on the window as he leaned against it. He took a deep breath, his heart already aching with the feeling that he majorly fucked up and it was exactly the kind of thing she would leave him for. “Yes,” he murmured. There was no use denying it. No use in trying to apologize right now. It was dumb and he needed to own it.

“Harry!” Louis said quietly in the middle of a meeting. He slid his phone across the table to him and Harry was engrossed in taking notes on the information being given that he didn’t pay any mind to Louis or his phone. “Harry,” he snapped without drawing attention of everyone else.

Shaking his head, he looked at Louis with a curious albeit annoyed expression. “What?” He grumbled to his friend and boss. The team of people involved and their accompanying client accumulated to seven total people in the room. Two of which were still talking, disregarding the exchange between Harry and Louis. “M’in the middle of something.”

“For Christ’s sake. Look at the goddamn, phone,” he hissed under his breath.

Sighing, Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed it, noting who it was from partway through reading.

Hey...I know I said that I had Harry to help me if I needed it, but he’s in a meeting and he tends to get really involved with what he’s doing so he probably isn’t noticing my calls...HE is in the file room... and he hasn’t seen me yet but I’m literally hiding behind a shelf and I’m...I’m so uncomfortable. I’m so sorry Louis. I really hate to bother you...could you come here?

Without recognizing or feeling his own movements, Harry was out of the conference room. In fact, Harry only read to the part where HE was in the file room. He vaguely heard Louis’ making an excuse. But Harry was sprinting down the stairs to the room where old cases were stored. Nearly pushed someone into the wall and almost tripped on the last few steps.

Just as he approached the file-room door, he took a deep breath and calmed himself before walking in as casually as he could possibly seem. He made eye contact with the man that he wanted to murder not so long ago. If pressed in anyway, Harry still would. Harry didn’t utter a word. His face was as stoic as he could manage. He didn’t want him to know she was in there. Fortunately, he nodded awkwardly at Harry thinking about their last interaction as well, it seemed. Almost immediately after the thought entered his mind, he left the room.

“Love?” Harry whispered quietly the moment the door shut.

“Oh, thank God,” she sighed with relief. Harry followed the sound of her voice to the correct shelf. Her pulse rate settled in hearing Harry call out to her. She crouched and her heels allowed her to perch above the tile floor. She put her hands over her face. “I had to text Louis,” she whispered. Harry knelt beside her and placed a hand on her back.

“M’so very sorry, baby,” he cooed and leaned forward to kiss her hair. “I should have paid attention to my phone.”

She shook her head. “It’s hard, I don’t want to text you or email you during the day and have people get all in a twist...not that it’s bad what we’re doing it’s...I know they’ll think I’m doing it for—"

“No,” he shook his head. “Kitten, next time y’can scream for me. I’ll come running,” he murmured and brought her back to standing so he could hold her close to his chest. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Harry smelled like a campfire and vanilla. It was dizzying. But it smelled like her own personal sanctuary.

“I know I overreacted—”

“No, kitten. Course y’didn’t. Shh,” he hummed softly.

She sighed again and just continued to breathe in the heady scent of Harry. “I thought it was going to be Louis that came...I’m so happy it’s you,” she mumbled into the jacket of his suit. Harry sighed, feeling overwhelmed with how much he adored her and the relief that she was okay. “You really can’t murder someone for me. Even I would have a hard time defending you in court,” she reminded him.

He smiled; his face pressed against her hair. He inhaled the floral scent and thought about the shampoo he bought so she always had some at his place. After a moment he shook his head in answer to her rebuttal. Part of him was reminded that even though he spent the better part of two decades being cold toward her, he was glad she read his thoughts so much of the time. “I’d gladly serve any sentence on behalf of you, kitten.”

Harry’s apartment was marginally closer to work than hers in distance. Work split their places almost in half, hers being slightly further away. “We should leave clothes at each other’s places,” she suggested as she searched through Harry’s dresser for something that wouldn’t drown her in fabric while she walked around his place. Harry leaned against the door frame smiling at her while she went through his clothes.

We should just move in together. I’ve known you my whole life.

She glanced at him and blushed. “I think we have to have some semblance of normalcy to this relationship, Harry. Don’t want to move in just yet.”

“Well, if y’sure. Seems silly. Since y’jus’ read m’mind and all,” he rolled his eyes.

“You also hated me for the better part of twenty years, and I don’t want to bring those feelings back because I leave hair in the shower drain.” Harry loved the idea of her in his shower that he didn’t even feel the need to comment on the fact that he didn’t hate her. “Stop thinking about the shower.”

He didn’t even question it. “Don’t even think we’d have t’talk if y’moved in, love. Y’seem t’know m’every thought.”

“I just know you’re thinking about the shower because you’re a boy. Not because you’re Harry.” He knelt to the floor behind her and wrapped his arms around her resting his head on the back of her shoulder. He was so much taller than her it was a slightly awkward position. “Maybe you should state your case or something,” she said finding a T-shirt suitable enough to go with a pair of his shorts.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes at her. “If s’what it takes,” he murmured against her back.

They ate lunch together in Harry’s office most days. People tended to bother her more because she was so adorably sweet. Harry was often closed off and very intimidating without meaning to be. At least to people who weren’t her. So, it made more sense to hide in his office.

They didn’t talk much during lunch. Not about anything world-changing or life-altering, anyway. Chatting about their days and their upcoming schedules was mainly it. Occasionally, they’d turn it into a working lunch because Harry would be stuck with something in his case, and he would ask her and of course she almost always had a solution.

“How come y’never need help from me?” He frowned. “M’always bothering you.”

“I’m just smarter than you,” she shrugged and smiled at him.

He rolled his eyes. “You’re smart, alright.”

“Harry you’re brilliant,” she said knowingly. “I just really like the finer details.” Harry watched her eat for a few moments thinking about how rude he had been to her for years and now she was eating in his office. Saying he was brilliant after the way he treated her. She enjoyed kissing him. They had slept in the same bed. It was surreal. “What are you thinking about there, baby?” She asked quietly. He looked at the food on his desk and smirked before looking back up at her.

“You love me?” That was one of the most shocking things of all.

She smiled. “Against all better judgment.”

“S’an understatement,” he muttered.

“You can’t have this complex, cupcake. You apologized profusely and I accepted it,” she shrugged. “I don’t want you dwelling on it.”

“You were so nice t’me...all those years.”

“You were pretty nice to me too...considering you hated me.”

Harry found that when he ‘hated’ her or when he loved her, a great deal of his time with her was spent rolling his eyes at her for one reason or another. “I didn’t hate you.”

“You did not like me.”

He sighed. “Why did you like me?”

“Because you were smart and even though you didn’t like me you were still nice to me. And you always...” she sighed, and she went over to him at his desk. She pushed his food out of the way and leaned against the ledge of the desk. He slid his chair back to give her more space and his legs spread to either side of hers. He placed his hands on the outside of her hips to bring himself and the chair back toward her. “I always thought that even if you hated me, you...you would never let anything bad happen to me. You were always there. Every party that I felt uneasy about guys drinking around me. Every time it was late at night, and you still walked me home from the library even though I lived on the opposite side of campus...If I didn’t understand something in class, you never made me feel stupid. You just explained it to me. And you didn’t have to. You...” she smiled at him. “I think part of me hoped you would just start liking me more if I was around you enough...and I know I joke about it. But I don’t think you hated me. At least not...not like you could have.”

He smirked. His heart warmed with all the words she said. Naturally, she was right. He looked up at her and she swore she had never seen anything as beautiful as Harry Styles’ green eyes peering up at her through lashes that were simply sinful to have on any man, let alone him. “I love you.”

“See? It worked,” and as often as he did it, she adored the eye roll he gave her every single time.

“Hey,” Harry said entering Louis’ office. He handed him a paper to sign while he chatted on the phone. “Any chance y’heard about her case this morning?” He asked when Louis hung up.

“I heard she won, but I didn’t get the details yet,” Louis smirked. Harry was so proud. There was no reason for him to be, he had no doubt at all she would win. But he was anyway. He adored her and the pride was overwhelming. “Do you know if she made a plan for her interview yet? Have to say I was a bit blindsided by the reference call,” he told him while still scrolling through the messages on his phone and attempting, simultaneously to look through his email.

Harry blinked, his stomach dropped, and his blood felt cold. “What?” He asked.

Louis glanced up at his friend and pursed his lips. “Oh,” he muttered. “Perhaps, I said too much.”

“What are you talking about?” Harry felt the gnawing anger he used to feel around her biting at his stomach.

“It’s not my place, Harry. You’ll have to ask her,” he said.

Harry glared at his friend. He shouldn’t have. As much as Louis was his friend, he was also his boss. Not that Louis would fire him over something like this, but it was still rude. “Interview,” he repeated. Louis shifted his eyes from the computer, to Harry, and back. He nodded once.

Harry stormed out of Louis’ office slamming the door.

She knocked on his door. Exhausted. There was so much paperwork that needed to be done after her winning case. Winning felt like a chore sometimes and while she was grateful for the win, nothing sounded better than snuggling up to her boyfriend on the couch and watching a show for a few hours.

Harry silently opened the door. “Hi, cupcake,” she smiled sweetly.

He didn’t respond and waited for her to walk through. She frowned and entered quickly. He closed the door and walked by her as he headed to the kitchen, leaning against the island. “Congratulations are in order, I heard,” he mumbled pouring her a glass of wine.

“Uh...yeah, I guess,” the air was tense, and she didn’t know why. Taking the glass, she felt like Harry’s sour mood was her fault but what was worse was she didn’t know why. It was probably just a bad day on his part. They happened every so often. But now that she thought about it, it was weird he didn’t text her congratulations. He was typically the first one to say it, having some astute knowledge or maybe an inside person at the courthouse telling him all about her wins. She kicked her heels off, setting her glass on the island and then made her way to the bathroom to find some medicine.

Hearing the pills shaking out of the bottle made Harry pull out of his slump a bit. “Did y’skip lunch?” He asked, he was right outside the door it seemed. She didn’t want to answer him because she knew it would worsen his bad mood. “Take that as a yes,” he grumbled, and she heard him quietly pad away.

She thought long and hard about everything that could have happened today. Maybe it was something totally unrelated to her. But the tension was so thick it felt a bit suffocating. She splashed cold water on her face and headed back to the kitchen. “I’ll pay you a hundred if y’get it here in less than half an hour. Two hundred if s’less than fifteen minutes,” and then he hung up. He looked at her. “You can’t skip lunch.”

“I know,” she said. No use in arguing. He was right and he would win.

He leaned against the island again and she grabbed her drink before heading to the sofa this time. Harry stayed where he was until there was a knock on the door no more than ten minutes later. He paid the substantial sum he said he would and then brought the food to her. He placed her favorite burger and fries from her favorite place in front of her and then walked away again. “I have t’make a call,” he mumbled and headed to his room. She ate by herself along with the characters on TV. Only paying some vague attention while she tried to figure out what went wrong.

She heard Harry’s low voice for a long while, unable to make out any words but it did sound like a business call. But soon she had watched a whole forty-minute episode and her burger and fries were gone. She frowned, hearing nothing but silence from down the hall.

Cleaning up her stuff, she scribbled on a notepad that she needed to do laundry and she exited without so much as a kiss goodbye.

Harry’s stalemate with her was not going well. The agitation was so visible to everyone around him they literally turned in the opposite direction of him when he walked down the hall. They exited quickly from the room when he entered.

Since she was merely one office over, she could hear him yelling a lot while he was on the phone over the few days following her silent dinner alone in his apartment. Without knowing why he was mad, she didn’t know what to do. He wouldn’t talk to her. She tried. She sat in his office and ate a tense, silent lunch with him while he stared at her, green eyes piercing through her as if she was hiding something.

After one day of that, she refused to subject herself to it again. She still brought Harry lunch the following day, a half hour earlier than normal, while he was still on the phone so he couldn’t say anything to her. She was silent and had a right mind to throw it in his lap and ruin his suit but refrained from doing so, just barely. He kept his tone even as he watched her walk in, place it on his desk, and then leave without a word.

Harry didn’t make any attempt to apologize for his behavior at his apartment nor told her anything about what he was feeling. She felt like she did back in university when he saw her at parties. He would stare at her for a moment and then move on. It was making her crazy. He didn’t come to her apartment, didn’t text her, and didn’t tell her if she was still invited to his mom’s house for dinner on Sunday. He did ensure a coffee was on her desk each morning (even though she had already had one before arriving at work) and made sure she had an Uber waiting outside the building when it rained on Thursday.

Her heart was starting to feel heavy; like Harry was pulling away from her and she didn’t know why.

It was at the Friday staff meeting that it finally all came to a head.

Harry was grumbly and making snide remarks under his breath. Louis merely glared at him and rolled his eyes as he continued. She said nothing. Mainly because she never said anything in the meetings but more so today than ever because of the silent feud happening in her personal life that was rapidly spilling into her professional life. She could feel his gaze hit her every few moments and linger another few moments more because she was horribly attuned to him and loved when he looked at her.

Except right now.

It was nearing the end of the meeting when Harry all but snapped once more. He made a good point, but he was of course grumpy about it, making everyone in the conference room uncomfortable and angry. The man sitting two seats away from her looked at her until she got the sense someone was watching her. She looked up and caught his gaze. “Do us all a favor, love: blow him already. It’s making our lives miserable.”

Louis was out of his seat almost as soon as the crass words left her coworker's mouth. He physically pushed Harry back toward the window as he all but lunged for the man that said it. She looked at her notes blankly. Tears pricking the back of her eyes and she knew her face was turning red. It wasn’t a secret they were dating, but they didn’t make a big show of it. It was totally out of line to say that, and it made her so uncomfortable. She did her best to ignore the whole situation as best she could while listening to Harry shout insults and profanities while people started filing out the room.

“Jesus Christ, talk to her!” Louis snapped once everyone had left. He released Harry who spun and glared out the window. “That’s a direct order,” he shouted. Louis didn’t look at her as he slammed the conference room door shut. She kept staring at her notes. Everyone else was gone but she was terrified of moving. Afraid that if she made any movement, she would start crying from the anger she felt toward that stupid coworker or from how sad she was that Harry hadn’t told her he loved her in almost four days. Now that he said it so frequently, she was an addict for it. Years of thinking he hated her only for him to say he loved her did a number on her and mostly in a good way. But if this was how their arguments were going to be...she wasn’t sure she could do this.

“Why didn’t y’tell me you were applying for a new job?” He grumbled.

She looked up and saw his hurt expression in the reflection of the window. She bit the inside of her cheek. “Because I’m not,” she said simply, shaking her head.

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose. “Please don’t lie t’me. I’ll lose it. I swear.”

“Harry, number one, I've never lied to you. Ever. I'm insulted you would say that to me. Number two, I did not apply anywhere.”

He turned around and he looked so hurt. Like he was betrayed because yeah, she never lied to him ever. “Louis said y’had an interview.”

“Well, he shouldn’t have said anything to you because it’s not true,” she snapped. "And you should have asked if you were so upset."

He blinked in surprise because she never had an angry tone. Even when she deserved to have one nor when she needed to have one. “Louis got a call from a firm...a reference call.”

She closed her eyes. “I didn’t know they called Louis,” she hissed at him. He felt himself freeze up at her words. He hadn’t considered that she didn’t know. “Have you been ignoring me all week because of that? Something I didn’t know about?” She whispered angrily. "Something you didn't tell me about?"

Harry felt like an idiot immediately. He thought about the day he confessed his love for her. How the first words of his confession were I’m going to be a shitty boyfriend. He meant it. Because it was true. He was a shitty boyfriend... It was something about her. If he scratched even a speck of dust off the surface of why that was, he would come to the obvious conclusion that it was because it was her. She was too good, and he was too mean to her all those years.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She snapped. He flinched, but felt he deserved that. “Jesus Christ Harry, I give you so much grace and time because this is totally different than our old relationship. I know we’ve always had a rocky beginning but...you have to talk to me!” She croaked.

The sound of her tears threatening to fall made him nauseous. “We can’t do this here,” he said turning to her finally to see her wiping her eyes quickly. He felt devastated that he made her cry. “Let’s go—”

His tone was so gentle now that he realized he messed up. It shouldn’t have come to this, but here they were. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you right now,” she all but snarled, gathered her belongings and left Harry alone in the conference room.

Flowers arrived every hour after she got home. After the fourth hour, the delivery man apologized at her irritated expression. She glared at the pretty bouquet, and how it was softening her angry heart.

She texted him. You can send me a whole botanical garden. I’m not speaking to you. See how you like it. It was petty and childish. She was a grown woman, and it was not the appropriate thing to say but he didn’t respond. Naturally.

Her phone rang and she was surprised to see Gemma’s name lighting up her screen. “Hello?” she asked tentatively.

“What did he do?” Gemma asked.

“Your brother is a hot-tempered idiot,” she stated.

“I tried to warn you.” She didn’t say anything in response. Gemma sighed. “Look, I don’t know what he did, but I promise you, he did it because he loves you. It doesn’t make it right and you deserve to silent treatment him until the end of time. I have no right to make this request and I know you’ll probably hate me just for saying it, but please don’t leave him. He’s so happy with you. He knows he messed up and he’s gonna give you space now, but...you said it. He’s an idiot.”

“I’m not gonna leave him,” she rolled her eyes.

Gemma’s relief was probably as palpable as Harry’s would have been. “Oh, thank God. That was more for me than for him. I won’t even tell him you said that. Let him sweat it.”

She smirked despite herself. “I was looking forward to dinner,” she admitted.

“You should still come, I’ll have Mum uninvite him and we can trash-talk him the whole time,” Gemma suggested.

She shook her head. “I’ll call him tomorrow. Hopefully he won’t break up with me.”

“Why would he break up with you?”

“Because your brother is an idiot. He would say he’s doing it for my benefit. I bet it will take some convincing.”

Gemma was quiet. “That does sound like him. Fuck. I’ll...I’ll talk to him.”

Can I call you? She texted Louis after the fifth bouquet arrived. I know it’s the weekend...I know it's super late...on a Friday...I know it’s...I’m sorry.

Her phone rang a moment later and she felt relief. “Hey love,” Louis said softly.

“Tell me what happened with the reference call.” She listened to his story, feeling an overwhelming amount of empathy for Harry. That had to have blindsided him. “Why didn’t you ask me?” She asked Louis.

“I had every intention of asking you, but he just happened to come to the office first. I never even thought you hadn’t told him, love. I’m so sorry.”

“I wasn’t hiding it. There just wasn’t anything to tell. I never even applied. They saw my argument in court one day, they saw me beat them, and they wanted me. Just trying to recruit me and whatnot. Probably to scare you, I don’t know...I didn’t tell Harry because it didn’t...it’s nothing. I like where I am,” she explained. “I didn’t know they would call you. I’m sorry. That must have been hard for you as well.”

Louis chuckled. “Don’t worry love. Course they want you. Only the worst firm in the world wouldn’t. I love having you with us, darling. So, I’m glad.”

“Thank you. Sorry for the call.”

“Don’t apologize. Harry’s my friend too. Which means you’re my friend. Consider this a friend call.”

“Well thank you.”

“Have a good weekend, love. Call if you need anything.”

Harry gave her a key almost immediately after they started dating. She tried not to use it—only to surprise him once after a particularly hard day and she made his favorite dish for dinner. But most of the time, she was always with him.

But now, she was here because after tossing and turning for hours she could not fall asleep. Feeling like she couldn’t wait until morning, she got up and ready to leave for Harry’s place. After tripping over five more bouquets and vases outside her door, she rolled her eyes. She set them inside the doorway and hurried down to the street.

She trekked across town in an Uber; just her purse on her shoulder, oversized t-shirt, and a pair of leggings. She thought slippers might be too much, so she settled for a pair of comfy slipper-looking loafers. Within fifteen minutes she was at his door.

Quietly, she unlocked his apartment as it was nearing two thirty in the morning. She heard music playing from his room and she slipped her shoes off, padded silently down the hall. He was sound asleep. The light from his side table created a pretty glow over him and his smooth, tanned skin. The music was a playlist she made that she listened to fall asleep every so often. This one contained some of her favorite songs of the month. Her heart softened. He was holding his phone clutched in his hand and she was grateful he was a heavy sleeper as she pulled it from his grip. A picture of herself illuminated the screen and her heart weakened more. Harry was lightly snoring as she covered him with the blanket he had tossed at the end of the bed. One of his socks was half off his foot but she left it there because she thought it was pretty cute.

She clicked the light off and slipped into bed beneath the covers that he was lying on top of. She turned toward his body; his head was facing the other way, but she didn’t care. She gently laid her arm over his waist and finally felt tired enough to fall asleep peacefully.

She woke up to his beautiful green eyes staring at her. They were red around the corners—like he had cried, and the thought sent a shot of sadness through her like nothing she had ever felt before. “Creepy,” she mumbled instead and rubbed her eye for a moment. His gaze didn’t move.

He was under the covers now, his arm draped over her waist. “When did y’get here?” He asked ignoring her benign insult. He couldn’t do anything but look at her.

“Before three,” she said softly.

He winced. “Please don’t take Ubers that late,” he mumbled, sighing deeply. He bit his lip. “Should probably tell them t’stop with the flowers if you’re here; there will be six more out there.”

She couldn’t help the softening of her heart. “Thank you.”

He shook his head. “Please don’t thank me.”

She smiled and cupped his face between her hands. He pulled her by the waist, so her body was closer to him. “Harry,” she whispered. “You can’t give me the silent treatment.”

“I know,” he nodded quickly. “M’so sorry, kitten. Really.”

“I know,” she repeated him.

He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face pulling at his lower lip with two fingers. He looked exasperated. “I don’t know why I make it s’hard with you,” he muttered.

“I think it’s because you love me,” she whispered with a smirk on her face.

He closed his eyes. “Someone who loves you wouldn’t...not speak t’you. Not even for a second,” he told her. She put a hand on his face and waited until he opened his eyes.

“The flowers were a good start,” she whispered.

He smirked despite himself. “A start?”

She nodded a grin, painting her lips so beautifully, Harry thought his heart would stop. “You’ll think of something.”

He had this way of looking at her apologetically through his gorgeous eyelashes that framed his equally gorgeous green eyes. The most beautiful puppy dog eyes. “I don’t want y’to forgive me yet,” he said softly.

“I’m not,” she promised. But she would admit was hard not to when he looked so beautiful and full of remorse. “But I love you too much to be away from you.”

He sighed. “Somehow you’re infuriating,” he grumbled.

“Why don’t you ask me your questions?” She asked.

He shook his head against her hand. “No. S’not my business. You can make your own decisions. And they have nothing t’do with me.”

She shook her head as he spoke. “You have everything to do with my big decisions. You’re part of my life, Harry. But I would tell you if there was a big decision to make.”

He was silent for a minute. Just stared at her. She drew a little circle with her index finger on his cheek while he clearly thought something difficult. “Angel,” he whispered. She frowned. She hated that tone in his voice. “I don’t want to hurt you. I forget your birthday, I give you the silent treatment, I don’ listen—”

She sighed. “If you break up with me, I’ll scream like a crazy person and I’ll put up the biggest fight you’ve ever seen,” she promised.

He smiled. “You are the most beautiful, wonderful person I’ve ever known. You are also the dumbest.”

“Smartest,” she said smugly. Pointedly. “I didn’t tell you because I’m not going anywhere. They wanted me.”

“Of course, they did,” he whispered as she spoke.

She smiled, unable to move her eyes from his. “I would never make a decision like that without your input,” she promised.

“You could do anything without my input.”

She ignored him. “We have always been a team. A weird one,” she assented, and he chuckled. “But a team.”

Harry sighed and rubbed his face again. “S’jus’...when Louis asked...it jus’ made sense. Of course, you would leave,” he muttered. “You’d be away from him, and it would create some space between us. I gotta imagine m’a bit suffocating at times. Especially in the office next t’you? I don’t know, kitten...I jus’ thought you—”

“Can you just ask me next time?” She interrupted.

He nodded vigorously. “Yes,” he promised. “God kitten, you’re gonna be s’sick of me when m’upset.”

She shook her head. “Impossible. I’m sorry I didn’t try and argue more...I guess part of me is still a bit...” she sighed. “A lot of rewiring to do,” she bit the inside of her lip. “I forget that you want to hear my thoughts now,” she smiled.

He rolled his eyes. “I could listen to you talk all day.”

“Don’t ask for what you can’t handle, cupcake.”

“Would you jus’ kiss me already, kitten?” He sighed with yet another eye roll.

She shook her head. “Oh no. No way. My morning breath is so bad,” she said turning her head from him and then started to wiggle out of the bed. Harry grabbed her gently, tickling her as she protested, and quickly pinned her below him. Her laughter subsided as he smiled, hovering over her. Admiring how beautiful she looked like that, his leg pressed firmly between her thighs, her hands pinned next to her head beneath his. Her cheeks pinked at their position and Harry smiled impishly.

“There isn’t a world,” he bent down and kissed her collarbone, “in which,” her neck, “I won’t,” her cheek, “want t’kiss you,” he pressed his lips between hers. “You sweet, gorgeous girl,” he pressed several more kisses on her lips.

She smiled snd shook her head. “Tell that to 16-year-old, Harry,” she said.

“M’gonna kill you,” he promised.

“Can I forgive you now?”

He shook his head. “Not for at least a week. And I should buy you lunch every day and sleep on the couch.”

“Why would we sleep on the couch?” She asked curiously.

Harry chuckled, shaking his head. “God, I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now kiss me again.”

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @tiredinwinter @sunshinemendes8 @youdontcaredoyou

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

#harry #harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurb #harry styles blurbs #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles writing #harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles sad #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #one direction #one direction writing #zipper

175 notes · View notes

212-apricity · 5 months ago

Text

mastermind, part eleven

we’re so back,

last gcse on friday AND bridgerton AND euros???😟😟 getting spoiled stoppp😍😍

goodness gracious im so sick and tired of this exam rubbish gosh i cant wait to be done😫😫,

anyways if you’re reading this rn im eternally grateful to you bc the way i wouldve left if i was you…

no but seriously i love you guys so so much😕😕, this is a very short one (apologies) bc its the first time ive written since like last year (we’re ignoring that) and i really hope you enjoy the scraps ive put together while on no sleep for the past 72 hours. as a result (look at me using exam terminology in my day to day life😋) there may be some typos or like whole sections that arent meant to be there so very sorry for that, i think it should be fine though

anyways have a great day/night, pls pls pls lmk what you think of it and PLEASE send me requests for absolutely anything🙏🙏🙏

warnings: none i think!!

masterlist

theodore nott masterlist

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚

“Here,” Theo hands me a sandwich he had managed to make with the little supplies we had left, “You need to eat something.”

I absent-mindedly take the plate from him and take a bite as he sits besides me on the tattered sofa and grabs the radio on the table, fiddling around with it.

“They’ll be okay darling,” he reassures for the millionth time, switching between stations, “I promise.”

I look to him with glassy eyes and lean my head on his shoulder as he kisses the top of my head.

He finally finds the right channel and holds my hand as I continue to eat the sandwich. We listen out for any news of our families or Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Theo and I had been moving around, camping here and there for a few months now. Lord knows where the other three had gotten to. Looking for them would be foolish and most likely unfruitful under these circumstances. Theo had been comforting me and making sure I sustained myself this whole time, I don’t really know what I’d’ve done without him.

“Theo, can I ask you something out of the blue?” I asked him as he lifted a cup of tea to his lips, raising his eyebrows and humming, “Do you still love me?” I questioned in a way that wasn’t accusatory, but rather of wonder.

His eyes glassed over slightly as he put his cup away and looked to me with a confused- almost offended expression. “Why would you ask that?”

“I don’t know we just haven’t been this close and alone since.. The Yule Ball and I wasn’t sure where we stood.” I shrugged, trying to read his thoughts.

“Tesoro,” he started “I look for you in every crowd, I search for your eyes in the nature around me. I savour and stretch any moment we have together. I endlessly shame myself for leaving you that day, but it was a necessary evil. I couldn’t let you get hurt. Not even a little bit. I lett you patch me up after fights even when I don’t like people helping me. I talk to you about my mother and father and I take delight in all your accomplishments. I love the way you talk to me, I love the way you are and I am eternally grateful that you’ve forgiven me somehow.”

I look at him with teary eyes and big smile on my face as he recisprocates and grabs my face in his warm hands smiling at me, “Doubt whether stars are fire; or the sun moves across the sky; or truth itself be a liar; but never doubt whether I love you.”

I kiss him softly.

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚

“Hey I wanted to ask you,” I began as the smooth chatter of the radio fades into the background and he looks at me with his blue eyes, “Do you think we should go back to Grimmauld place? I mean it’d be a lot safer than us being in the middle of fucking nowhere, we’d be able to see everyone else and we’re running out of supplies anyways.”

Just as Theo opened his mouth to respond, a letter flew into the tent in front of us as Theo and I instinctively grabbed our wands before seeing the parchment.

Theo gives me a confused look as I say, “Who’d know we were here?” and grabs the envelope.

He opens it cautiously as I keep my wand pointed at it, just in case, and starts to read the contents aloud.

“Dearest Y/n, it pains me to have to invite you to this bloodbath or anywhere near it but I am doing so with The Order’s direct command. We are all either stationed or arriving to Hogwarts for the upcoming battle, you and Theodore should get here as soon as possible, and please darling at least for my sake, try and keep out of danger. I cannot say much at this point but you must get here quickly. Come to your common room and when you arrive, I’ll be there. Yours, Sirius.”

Theo and I stand in silence for a few minutes, rereading the letter again and again until Theo backs away and starts preparing a bag big enough for one. I break out of my gaze and collect some of my things I need to bring and pass them to Theo to put in the bag but all he does is give me a look of confusion.

“What’s this for?”

“My things?”

Something crosses Theo’s face before he hides it with a blank look, he returns to his packing and clears his throat before saying, “No, you need to stay here.”

“What?” I say, astounded at his words, “What do you mean stay here?! I’m coming with you, Sirius told both of us to come.”

He abruptly stopped packing and sighed, giving me a look of desperation and exhaustion. “Listen to me,” he begged, stepping closer and taking my hands in his slightly shaky ones, “You need to stay here. You’ve already been though too much and if Bellatrix sees you I have no idea what she’ll do but I will not risk your safety. Not ever. So please darling, please listen to me for once and stay here.”

“Theo that’s so unreasonable, what if I’m in-”

“If you are in danger,” he breaks me off “Go to Grimmauld Place and send me a patronus immediately. If you come to Hogwarts with me, I’d be worrying about you the entire time anyways, and you’d be targeted along with Harry.”

“What if you get hurt?” I ask, shoving my thoughts aside for a moment, lowering my voice at the thought.

He pauses, staring at my eyes, his swimming in hesitancy, “Darling I’d rather it be me than you.”

“Theo-” he kisses me suddenly before I can protest, he runs his hands though my hair and the other on the small of my back. He kisses me for the first time, and he kisses me as though its our last.

He breaks away and looks at me with teary eyes,

“Sei il mio cuore, la mia vita, il mio unico e solo pensiero.”

You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.

He looks lovingly into my eyes as though trying to memorise every detail about me before rolling is eyes, sighing and blinking tears away as he smiles and looks to the ceiling before bringing me to his chest and saying, “I know you.”

I look up at him with confusion as he holds me in his arms, his hands on either side of my waist as he looks down at me, “I know you, and I know that you’re going to come to Hogwarts anyway. No matter what I say.”

He smiles at me sadly as I snicker in his chest amongst tears, “But I swear if you hurt yourself,” he warns, resting his chin on the top of my head.

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚

LOLL that was so shit im so sorry...

anyways im so happy i FINALLY got this out like omggg it had been a MINUTE...

pls lmk what you thought and pls send me requests on what else to do‼️‼️‼️

30 notes · View notes

ashwhowrites · 1 year ago

Note

HI! IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR REQUESTS TO OPEN!

Can we please get a song fic with "dial drunk" by Noah kahan??? Definitely gotta be a sad ending. I was thinking either Eddie or Steve, but you can pick! Thank you so much!

(I'd give you a kiss, but I've seen SB get jealous over less 🤭)

Jealous SB is one of my favorite versions of SB

Never proofread

I’m rememberin’ I promised to forget you now But it’s rainin’ and I’m callin’ drunk And my medicine is drowning your perspective out So I ain’t taking any fault Am I honest still? Am I half the man I used to be? I doubt it, forget about it, whatever It’s all the same anyways

Breakups were easy for Eddie because he never bothered to fall in love. He'd get into a relationship, hold himself from falling in love, and get over the girl a week after the breakup.

But now he's on month two of his breakup with Y/N and it hasn't gotten easier. She was the first girl that showed him what falling in love felt like. And she showed him how painful falling in love was.

Everything he touched, he ruined, and she was another thing he shattered. He held her heart in his hands and kept it safe for years and years. He took that heart with him to the bar and held it close while he got drunk, feeling the beating of her heart when he kissed someone new. Leaving her heart on the shelf while he felt the inside of another girl, not noticing the damage the heart would take.

Until the morning when he woke up with a girl that wasn't her, the heart burned when he touched it, glazed over with betrayal. He returned the heart to her with guilt in his eyes, and apologies were on his tongue. It wasn't enough. Her heart was in pieces, and she took every piece back.

Eddie promised himself he'd get over her, he vowed to forget about her in weeks, just like every other girl. But the rain was pouring as he drove to the bar, the same bar where he lost half of himself.

I ain’t proud of all the punches that I’ve thrown In the name of someone I no longer know For the shame of being young, drunk, and alone

Eddie lost count of how many drinks burned down his throat, but he was aware of how many times the guy next to him commented on the picture of Y/N. He took it out to stare at her, slamming the liquor down as he looked at the girl he missed.

His pity party was cut short when he heard the sexual comments the guy next to him had to say.

19....20....21..by the time the guy got to his 22nd comment, Eddie was yanking him off the bar stool. Shoving the man to the ground and trying to heal with every punch he landed.

I don’t like that, when they threw me in the car I gave your name as my emergency phone call Honey, it rang and rang, even the cops thought you were wrong for hanging up I dial drunk, I’ll die a drunk, I’ll die for you

Eddie heard the commotion all around him, but all he could focus on was releasing the anger, sadness, and regret that had built up in him. He heard sirens, and he felt hands grabbing him. His body was being slammed down with his cheek pressed into the sticky floorboards. His hands were yanked behind his back, feeling cold metal on his wrists as they were cuffed together.

He ended up in the backseat of a cop car, one place he vowed to never be in. But here he was, drunk, alone, and arrested. Just like his father.

When he arrived at the station, the cops asked for the number for his emergency call, and he gave her number. Eddie had no one in his life, she was the very last person, and she didn't want to be.

He listened to the call ring and ring. His heart raced the longer it rang; no trace of life on the other line.

The cop looked sadly over at him, a sense of pity in his eyes as Eddie heard the phone die out. He shouldn't be surprised that she didn't answer. This wasn't the first, or even the tenth, time he called her wasted off of his ass. She never picked up, and he hated that he wished for the outcome to be different every time.

I’ll rot with all the burnouts in the cell I’ll change my faith, I’ll kiss the badge Just wait, I swear she’ll call me back Son, why do you do this to yourself?

The cop was getting ready to move him to a cell, but Eddie pleaded just to have another minute. He'd do anything for another minute just to have a gamble to hear her voice again.

He'd rot away with the other burnouts in a cell. He'll change his views, believe in new fates, and discover a new god.

"Please, sir, just wait. I know she'll call back." Eddie pleaded

The cop didn't seem convinced, the pity look taking over his face as he watched Eddie almost in tears.

"Son, why do you do this to yourself?"

"Because I know she will call back."

It was a lie Eddie would continue to tell himself.

Because in the end

I dial drunk, I’ll die a drunk, I’d die for you

tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson request #eddie munson angst #eddie munson angst x reader #ashwhowrites #eddie munson song fic #eddie munson angst x female reader #eddie munson angst imagine #Eddie munson angst fic

75 notes · View notes

thescrumblingmidwife · 1 year ago

Note

So I actually have a separate hymen and want to talk a little about it and ask a question.

I first started my period at 12, and that was no big deal. It was always spaced out by about 6 months. But when I started synchronized swimming and water polo, it became a problem. I had tried to use tampons, but my body just wouldn't let me. My mom kept telling me I must've been too tensed up. Finally, when I was 15, I was able to use one so I could go to a pool party.

Party ended, I got home, tried to change the tampon...

And I couldn't.

I kept trying to remove it, but it felt like it was caught on something. So my mom and I went to the ER and the lady who helped me was very kind and suggested I use sports tampons due to how they absorb and open up.

A few other instances of things feeling like they got "hooked" on something and finally feeling around, I realized there was that extra tissue there.

Even with tampons that don't unfurl like a massive block of cotton, it still hurts and takes me a few tries to remove tampons, but the problem is that I'm terrified of surgery. I know it would improve my quality of life in regards to menstruation, but I don't know how to broach the topic with family (fyi I am an adult, but still live with my parents and I am unable to drive) or my doctor.

Do you have any advice on how to bring it up and what to expect/how to not be so nervous?

Also, apologies for the long ask!

Hi Anon!

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us!

I will share one with you: I also had a septate hymen, and I know exactly what you're talking about with the pain of tampon use. I lived with it for years - even managing to have sex around it, until one day it finally snapped, causing a lot of bleeding and pain. The result was a lot of scar tissue, that caused painful intercourse for years. All of which I thought was completely normal, because no one ever told me otherwise. When I finally had the procedure (called a "hymenotomy") to remove the extra tissue, it changed my life.

Because I had that experience, I can also tell you what will happen with a hymenotomy. I hope reading this will help ease your anxiety:

You'll go to the facility where your doctor performs procedures (may be a hospital, outpatient clinic, or surgical center). You'll be asked to put on a gown and sit on a gurney. They'll probably cover you in warm blankets. A nurse will give you an IV. Then, they will either wheel or walk you down to the procedure room. You'll be asked to sit on a high table, and probably to scoot your bottom close to the edge. Your doctor will be there, as well as an anesthetist and a nurse. They will put a mask over your face, and have you count back from 10. You'll get to about 8 or 7 before you get SO TIRED you fall quickly into the best sleep you've ever had. When you wake up, it will be like no time passed, and it will be done. The postprocedure discomfort is pretty mild and can be handled with Tylenol. You may have a couple of stitches, which will either dissolve on their own, or may be the kind the doctor will remove at a follow-up to check your healing. And then you'll never have to worry about snagging tampons ever again!

---

Now, Anon, how to bring it up?

Do you currently see a gynecologic healthcare provider? If not, that's where you need to start. As an adult with a vagina, you should regularly see one for well-woman care and screenings. If you need your parents' help finding one, you don't need to share any information beyond "current best practice guidelines state that I should be receiving gynecologic care and I would like to do so." You're entitled to medical confidentiality, even from parents, even from parents you live with and whose insurance you are on, and who drive you places.

Once you've gotten an appointment with a gynecologic provider, I think you'll find the topic can come up quite naturally. The provider will ask if you have any concerns you want to discuss. You will want to tell a provider about your issues with an obstruction before they perform any kind of exam - and it should be visually obvious to a provider as well. (The provider will always look before touching, and warn you every step of the way). The provider will then have a conversation with you about your options, and give you the information you need to make a decision. She should also be able to help you decide how much you need or want to explain to your parents.

I hope this was helpful to you, and maybe ameliorated a tiny bit of your anxiety. The unknown is so much scarier than the real thing!

#sex ed #gynecologic care #reproductive health #midwifery #hymenotomy #hymen #screw normal

30 notes · View notes

dr-harleen-quinzell · 2 months ago

Note

Hello, my name is Ahlam, I am 21 years old. I apologize for asking you, but the situation in Gaza is very difficult

Imagine that your entire life is limited to one thought: How can I stay alive? . You no longer think about the future, because the present has become a battlefield . Every day you wake up to the sound of an explosion , or you see fear in people's eyes greater than words 🥺. War doesn't just take your home 🏡, it takes away from your heart every sense of security. Even the places that used to be full of children's laughter , are now empty except for destruction and ashes. Food? It has become a dream . Water? Every drop of it is a treasure . And sleep? It has become a luxury that only those who have completely lost their sense of fear can afford. Do you remember when you used to plan for your future? Now, the future is just an empty word. Every day that passes is a small victory, but the price? Your soul that is eroded with every moment. And amidst all of this, there is something that still clings to hope inside of me, even if it is lost. I search the faces for remnants of humanity, for any hand that reaches out to tell me "there is still life after the war" . I created a link to collect donations for me so that I can leave the war zone and start over in a safe place and live in peace away from fear, anxiety and destruction.If you can contribute any amount, even a small amount, it will make a big difference.

Vetted by :

@GazaVetters

dlxxv-vetted-donations

heba-20

I hope you will help me and donate to me 👇👇

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-ahlam-rebuild-her-life-and-dreams

I have gotten so many asks so ive decided to just publish them as they come in with additional resources without verifying them myself. use caution and please help whoever you can, however you can 🖤

gaza esims, gaza funds

#shy tries to help

0 notes

n64gamepak · 2 months ago

Note

glad you're still anti proship anyways do u remember when you left a 16 year old to be groomed by a real life pedophile and blamed them? I do . hope that makes I just as uncomfortable:/ I also didn't send the ask lol it's weird that YOU guys mention us and your weird little friend tried friending us again many times 💀 stop mentioning me in this Hetalia bs y'all are weirddd my only place in it was being bullied by y'all in discord calls

hi moth, i never got the chance to properly meet or even speak with you one on one, so im not sure why youre saying alot of things about me when you dont know me at all!

i didnt know neon was groomed until after it happened, because i stopped speaking to neon consistently in june 2020, i completely distanced myself from them post august 2020 when my first twitter account had gotten suspended, and stopped seeking out any account they could have potentially owned post 2021.

i feel deeply sorry that neon was groomed, and i wish it never happened, but i was 16. what did you expect me to do. neon and i are from two different continents, i couldnt do anything if i WANTED- and neon wouldnt have listened to me regardless. i dont blame neon for it, and never have. unless you have proof, then i would gladly love to see it!

i cannot control gummy, and ive actually told them multiple times for them to leave neon alone! i was STRONGLY against them trying to reach out to apologize years ago, try to rekindle that relationship, etc etc- contrary to whatever you have been told. i dont condone their actions, and have lectured them about it multiple times over the years.

and.. bullied in discord calls? when has that ever happened, because i am not usually one for voice calling with people i dont closely know. im never active in servers, i slowly respond to dms- i always have been like this. not only that, but i have never spoken to you directly outside of this one interaction, unless it has slipped my mind, of course. it has been nearly five years, after all.

all in all, i dont want to be roped into this as much as you do. i am 20 years old, i dont use social media much anymore, and i am trying to move on with my life. i have bigger, more important responsibilities and worries. i find it quite sad that this has been ongoing for years.

i truly do apologize for how younger, unmedicated me acted. im not going to pretend i was a saint, because i most definitely was not. im 100% sure i did bad things and said bad things to people, and for that i truly am sorry, and have changed drastically over the years with medication and multiple years worth of therapy. there are many things in the past i wish i could undo or change, but alas, it is the past.

so kindly, whoever is reading this, leave me alone. im sure neon wants to move on from this as much as i do. this is fucking stupid and, quite frankly, immature. this little "feud" stemmed from something completely ridiculous and childish, and has exploded into something entirely out of control.

im sorry to throw gummy under the bus like this- but if you want to pick fights with anyone, pick them with gummy. i moved on long ago, and all of the grievances you hold with me dont even apply to me, im afraid.

i have shared my thoughts, and would like to be left alone now. play ultrakill, while youre at it!

1 note · View note

kasaneteto · 6 months ago

Text

more complaining bc this has been burning a hole in my brain

so this guy has the emotional maturity of a toddler. it sounds really harsh & maybe it is, but he really just would rather ignore a problem and pretend it isn’t real forever than face it and work through it. it’s the little things in his behavior that ive observed over the past 4 years of living with him. one of which really stuck out to me recently and has been making me think a lot

so this picture has been on our fridge since we first moved in together. as you can see its super faded from the sun except for the guy who’s face is super visible. that’s because for the past three years the picture has looked like this

the guy who’s face is blocked is my roommate’s ex who cheated on him. now im not gonna act like cheating isn’t a morally reprehensible thing to do in a committed monogamous relationship, but my roommate to this day places all of the blame on his ex for the relationship failing and is sensitive about it even three years later. so since im moving out soon ive been taking my stuff off the fridge, & i absentmindedly moved the magnet covering his face to keep up a piece of paper bc it was the closest one. then later i noticed how much he stuck out bc the rest of the pic is so faded & thought it was funny. when i came back from LA the magnet had been put back over his face!!!!!!!!!! i was like oh my god!!!! you’re STILL that bitter??? you havent even TRIED to move past this????? just take the damn picture down if its that upsetting to you!!!!!! why are you trying so hard to find a new relationship if you haven’t even gotten over your last one!!!!!!! it just makes me so sad and honestly gives me a lot of insight on his mindset right now. in his mind he is the victim of his circumstances & can’t actually acknowledge his unhealthy behaviors that he is aware of beyond “im not perfect” like im not asking you to be perfect bro… im asking you to be decent…. to be a considerate friend…. and ur never gonna be that if you’re too busy feeling sorry for urself :( everyone’s going thru it man but you just keep ur head up and do the work to get better. don’t just wallow in misery forever…. sometimes you have to rest and you can’t always be at 100% but you’ll never be at 100% if you never try. ugh. i gotta get out of here man 😭 his misery is contagious. im thinking of saying something to him before i leave but i’ll probably just end up writing a letter and leaving it or something. at least to apologize for the way i lashed out at him the last time we spoke

#txt #RM SAGA

0 notes

solomonyau · 10 months ago

Text

what it's like inside my mind - Chapter 18 : 'A Letter to the Time’s I’ve Gotten Hurt'

No one really talks about the moments where you’re in the down low,

With just bottle in hand talking to yourself like you got some sort of plan,

Trying to understand why the hurt still lingers.

“We’re all human” - is what my therapist tells me

& I dare say to her, if being human was apart of being a shitty person - I’m not tryna be that typa person.

The things they don’t tell about these heavyweight of emotions that are rushed into your brain,

Felt as if, a piece of your heart is ripped out, stomped out & left to lay on the sidewalk like a lost child,

Not trying to understand the consequences to their actions,

Nor will their narcissistic perspective even bring forth lines of fortune,

You see I’m done trying be the bigger person in every single situation that I’m put forth to handle,

Ive been constantly told that my heart was never found within the confines of my broad chest,

But it was found on other places that would speak the rest,

& often times I catch myself thinking maybe one more apology would be enough for them to mend their ways,

Of how me being hurt over & over again was just a way for them to have some sort of release but leave me with the stress

But I’ll gladly say - a kind fuck you & I’m fuckin’ done

I’m done, I’m done with the constant misunderstandings of whether my morality has ever come to question,

I’m done with the need for validation of whether this thin layer of ice will ever shatter,

I’m done with the eyes that tell me I’m no longer the person they thought I was let alone the box of a person that they put in me.

So, Apology accepted, but access denied,

My disposition no longer allows any sort of your vibe,

Please don’t come to me with your being,

trying to make me understand your meaning,

To the actions that you’ve done which caught me in my feelings,

& trust me I’m no longer trying to have you apart of my healing.

#words #emotions #expression #what its like inside my mind #place of thought #chapter 18 #A Letter to the Times I've Gotten Hurt

0 notes

agentnotok · 1 year ago

Text

How Did You Get A Handler, Exactly?

[Open to anyone who. Uh. Wants to try and handle... all of this.]

At least she got some warning.

That's the only thing Oklahoma can think as she closes the comm. It had been brief, although it still contained almost double the usual amount of information; for a medic there wasn't much detail that could or should be sent in a mission alert. Just, come, and where and when; and they'd sort out the details and the body count later.

First mission with your assistant. Briefing room A, ten minutes.

Room A, too. She never gets to go in there. It's usually busy with missions for the top twenty, which she is definitely not; the few glimpses she's gotten don't look like anything special, the briefing rooms are all identical, but still. Room A. Who do they have her with? Who could they possibly spare? She's getting anxious hives just thinking about it.

As she forces herself out of bed, her body protests. That last mission left her with two hairline fractures, a concussion, and--thanks to the need for several emergency transfusions--missing a third of her blood volume. Her left shoulder is still throbbing from the intraosseous line they'd had to place to give her IV fluids; that much blood loss meant her veins had practically retreated into her body, and there was no way they'd be able to hit one. She'd cried when they started the infusion, unable to even hold still-- one of the techs was holding her down, apologizing the entire time. She can still feel every place his hands rested. They're the only bits that don't hurt quite as bad.

But that was last mission; she's been fixed now. Six hours of sleep, a few liters of saline, a little biofoam for the fractures, and she's-- theoretically-- good as new! She winces as she zips up her blacks, tightening the close fitting, stretchy fabric over sensitive bruises, and starts putting the armor on, piece by piece. At this rate, it might actually take her the full ten minutes. She has to back up against the wall to get her chestplate to click into its locks; her shoulder just doesn't want to flex. She sighs. Whoever this "assistant" is, she's sure they aren't having this problem. Who could it be, anyway? Who was unlucky enough to be stuck with her? Is it some kind of punishment for them? She'd been assured it wasn't one for her...in fact, when she walked into the Director's office, that had been the first thing he said. His slow drawl had been almost comforting after getting yelled at so much on the way back from Chorus.

"You're not in trouble."

"Are you sure?"

She'd been on the verge of a panic attack all morning, and her voice shook, but she couldn't help questioning what sounded like a complete impossibility, not even when it meant questioning him.

"Oh, I'm very sure, Agent. You've done very well. Sent out to care for ten patients, and you carried a roster of... eleven, twelve? Outstanding." Was he being sarcastic? He must be. Had to be. Was he, though? She could never pick it up. It was always a guessing game.

"I didn't... I just... he was..."

"Once again, Agent, this is not a disciplinary meeting." He leveled those sad blue eyes at her and she did her best to maintain eye contact, even though it doubled her already splitting headache to do it. "In fact, not only did you do exceptionally well on your last mission, your performance has taught me several new things about you as an operative." That didn't sound good, but despite his slow, languid speaking style, he didn't leave her any room to explain herself. "Someone as hardworking and tenacious as you needs our support... some assistance, perhaps."

"Oh. That's-- that's very kind of you, sir, but um, I'm capable of handling everything on my own. The last thing I want to do is place any additional burden on the program."

"Burden? Perish the thought. You've been a great asset to the program so far, Agent-- even on Chorus," he added, seeming to anticipate what she wanted to ask. "Your persistence and dedication have been very..." his eyes got a faraway look for a moment, "...helpful, to the Project, and to me personally..."

That had caught her off guard. To him personally-- when? How? But he didn't give her a chance to ask.

"You've done a lot for us, Agent. Allow us to return the favor." It was not a request.

"....yessir?" she tried. There was no keeping her voice from rising at the end of the word. She was not the confident cocky spitfire that she'd like to be in this moment. She felt about two feet tall. But he gave her a big, slow smile that seemed to take ages to fill up his face... so she must have gotten it right.

"Excellent, Agent, excellent. I knew we could count on you."

Ah, that one she knew the right answer for. "Of course, sir. Always."

"Glad to hear it." His smile had brightened, and he had seemed almost a little relieved. "Dismissed."

Two missions later, they'd found her a lackey... or so she'd thought. Until they mentioned where they'd be meeting, and how little lead time she had to prepare. She had assumed they'd pull someone from the high 40s who wasn't doing anything at the moment; but clearly, that's not the case. She's a ball of anxiety as she arrives to the briefing room, still two minutes early, and goes inside to find a seat.

#rvb rp #gulp...

0 notes

nanjokei · 1 year ago

Note

all your sycophants telling you to be meaner, nah youre just an asshole. did you like. even read the post in the first place. bc it doesnt look like you did?? i get that it makes you feel cool and good abt yourself to mock other ppls thinking-out-loud type posts but you basically telling them to shut up and keep their thoughts out of The Pure And Perfect Tag™ and then go on to say "oh im autistic ive never gotten the chance to rly speak up and be mean so this feels good" like..... thats so painfully hypocritical. you should KNOW how it feels to be told "shut up no one cares" so why are you doing it to someone else? so im telling you to shut up. youre annoying and no one cares and you shouldnt use other people as punching bags. asshole

did you get it out of your system. that's great. i don't really feel like giving a benefit of the doubt response anymore given after the first ask you decided to go ballistic like this... like, not even being sassy, i could have just responded "are you mad" and published it. but i am a neurotic person who will respond even if it's not in the way i initially set out to. just for you.

just for transparency, here's the first ask i got last night:

hi. i think you are projecting a lot of feelings onto me that i did not express and stretching my original statements. which in some sense, some may see as understandable! i was being less than gentleman-ly! i don't know if this is the op messaging after i blocked them or a friend coming in to give me a piece of their mind, it does not matter. this is something i was gonna say even in the first ask: had i been approached for an apology, i probably would have caved and apologized, because i'm weak to that kind of thing. at the very least even if i didn't agree, i would have wholeheartedly apologized for any distress or trouble. this isn't bull or me trying to flatter my way out of a situation. the response i got— which a friend ended up reading, to be honest i just blocked right away— was thoroughly strange, something something apologizing and being like "idk tumblr tag etiquette" and choosing to delete the original post. which i would not know how to respond to. i'm not some kind of tag police or god of tumblr or whatever, so why apologize to me or delete the post. i am writing this response under the assumption that it could be someone else, but a hit dog will holler, in this one sentence i will address OP directly: that response was strange. had i read it, i would have either ignored it still or apologized, i have no idea, but initial my response really was "but i have no power over this person or anyone". i did not ask for you to clean up your contribution to a tag or police it. i simply stated my opinion on my blog when prompted by a third party expressedly out of earshot of the op. is that a morally correct thing? proooobably not. but it is the internet. "why are you, the person who got hated on, continuing the cycle of hate" type bs might as well be a self fulfilling prophecy. if you feel this way, why send me asks about it at all if you're gonna go ape over me not responding immediately? does it mean so much to you? go ahead and block. i do not argue with people online. but i'll respond because clearly you want one. not gonna prostrate myself before anyone, and respond just as coldly as you are painting me out to be. this is my special fanservice to you, since you wanted to believe that about me so badly.

>pure and perfect tag

i do not check tags for a reason. i checked it one time. i guess this implication comes off of what i said so i'll say it out clearly but i genuinely could care less past the initial pang of cringe what is in there. had nonnie not continued to converse with me i would have moved on ans forgotten about it. i am not a police or a militia. it means nothing to me most days if a tag is "good". who the hell cares. you are obsessing over my existence, my opinion and the weight of such a thing a bit too much over here.

>shut up no one cares

neeeever said this, and no one has ever said this to me. the story i recounted about being called toxic was in the youtube comments and was 5 years ago. no one told me "no one cares". it just hurt my ego. anyway, if someone cared so much to send two asks about it, then thank you. i really won't shut up.

>never got the chance to speak up and be mean

ok.

>my sycophants

it was one nonnie. are you obsessed with me or something? i am like one random ass blogger on a dying website. i do not have an army or cult of personality. i am just one guy.

>end of the ask

heard you loud and clear. thanks for the feedback, not gonna reflect on it much though. it was an asshole move. does it make me an asshole? yup.

it was catty and petty of me. i knew that much from the very first ask i answered. but op wasn't tagged, i didn't send anyone to them either, so i can only really think "what were you doing on my blog anyway". because yes, this is a blogging site, not a pvp site, i didn't engage with anyone to start fights. didn't bring op's name into it, didn't actively mock them (the comment about them not being special was ad hominem though i admit to that much. sorry.)

you cannot expect everyone to be 100% nice and handle people with kiddie gloves in their own blog space when they are not bringing you into it especially given i did not direct anyone to anyone's post.

had it been me i would have just blocked and moved on. pwease no steppy and all that. whoever sent op an ask about it to make them respond is kind of a drama obsessed weirdo lol. like i'm just saying. causing both me and op a headache. it did not have to shake out like this. neither of us were gonna engage with each other and everyone could have gone to sleep without any icky feelings. honestly, from my point of view, both of you are strange. wow, i am barely hiding who i think is behind this ask. but it really is addressed very generally.

don't send me another ask! i will just publish them with no response. this situation was entirely avoidable and i lament that you decided to both waste my time and your own with all this. just block me like i asked!

#ask #anonymous

0 notes

hellsvestibule · 1 year ago

Text

Ive gotten a lot of enthusiasm in the tags that made me smile but can’t Not reply to tags this good. please never apologize for analyzing my stuff bc it always brings a massive smile to my face that people even see it as worth that much thought? M also gonna appologize for being verbose and long winded in my reply tho that’s just the way…

I’m happy cuz so much of what you noted Was a deliberate choice I.e. the choice to have him blurring into the background and the deliberate choice to put small details all over the composition that would force your eye all over the place unable to tell what’s him and what isn’t. (In a more practical and selfish sense. It’s fun to work on disorienting images bc if it can hold My attention and make me feel hypnotized then shit I must be doing Something right. Like It keeps me amused when I have to stare at something this long lmao.) I wanted it so no matter where you tried to rest your eye somewhere else in the picture would demand your attention so it would be hard to look away once you start looking and the compounding horror that the most obvious beautiful thing at the front isn’t even special or distinct and that everything you first think is beautiful is kind of gross and decomposed on closer observation the opposite of how he’s usually presented. The figure at the front being the most detailed and realized due to how it’s approached but on closer inspection everything else is a part of it. I had other concepts for this I was give and taking too like having him or his clones have puppet strings or be lying more distinctly in a pool of oil with said strings forming butterfly wings. I opted for the small butterflies instead. There’s a lot of references to little lines in Faust too. Fausts comments that humanity exists like rainbows, as refractions of light. Mephistos comments thst the four elements created pestilence rot and disease, and only the element of fire can purge it. Things like that.

The general approach/ concept I guess. Since he’s a spirit of chaos and pulls you into his horny dreams (theoretically) my logic is everything in said dream has to be fabricated out of himself. But I also wanted to nudge to the implications that he’s not really into being seen as an object of lust just for the sake of lust, since he deliberately presents himself as a grotesque clown corpse and assumes unsexy poses so you don’t see him as such, and actually majorly self sabotaged but potentially pulled some fuckshit back in garden of order when he exploited a paradox to multiply himself then said out of all the mephys he was the only good one and only one capable of change (which among other lines, paralels him to my prior fav #1 worm boy kariya. I could write a lot of analysis about that probably) but I like the idea that he doesn’t forget throwing the whole collective of himself under the bus and mutilating them. My current headcanon is everything Mephy does has massive consequences(chaos theory, he is the butterfly of chaos) and in this case similar to douman he’s not getting that collective back so in terms of incubus, he’s not very sexy, all he has is a bunch of broken dolls to throw at you, a dream/nightmare fabricated out of his broken body with only the front facing one has been given the chance to be good or beautiful, but that the others still have the same base desperation for love as him, if not more so bc their only source of pride has been removed so the one at the front can shine. And that like the similar characters his collective wouldn’t resent him but try to uplift him. They are like his backup dancers but they are still trapped in his shadow/reflection. Bc by his own standards grotesque self mutilation is simply self actualizing and allowing these other versions to become distinct people. But implicitly he in his line to shiki about not cutting his hair, he still sees his beauty as important and on some level massively craves acknowledgement as someone worthy of love, which Kama has also implied when they acknowledged him in their valentines scene when he showed up. The line about being a clown being difficult and he should try being a god of love. Kama cuts past the clownery and calls him for what he actually is, basically someone who pretentiously self mutilates and acts creepy bc his trauma makes him convinced he’s a danger to others. His profile says things like “he Will” put bugs in you but the thing is, he hasn’t done that, at the very least bc one of the core things to Mephistopheles is that he can’t even act bad on his own will, only if humanity wants him to be bad. bc he “wills for bad and works for good.” Making his evil he doesn’t act on feel like decoration to the fact that he’s obviously a mislead victim here and everyone seems to regard him as such. Bc matter how much ill will he harbors towards the world the fact that he can’t and won’t act on it again paralels him more to sakura or kariya than a consciously evil person. Hes implicitly someone amidst a mental breakdown from trying to be good or even properly evil, after seizing the mechanism for exploitation and control. Having read goethe Faust, there are a lot of paralels to Margaret and Sakura in heavens feel, and Mephy due to his forced honesty has cast himself as the victim more adjascent to Margaret or mephistos nameless student, people who were mislead by the old men that aimed to exploit them, and I don’t think you should discount it if only bc kama reacts that way of seeing him as a paralel to them rather than with overt disgust or distrust, same w Moriarty’s hesitant understanding that he’s exactly the type of weird old man who sets off mephy’s rage and obsession, and rather than defending himself or rejecting Mephy, he simply moves carefully around him.

Also I do want to preface my understanding of Mephy as currently being a victim keeping in mind they could pull a kariya or shinji w him and have him utterly fuck up beyond capability to atone too. and you can see that w kamas hesitation and tiredness when acknowledging him too. They’re assessing the fact that there’s like a 50/50 chance Mephy does not come out of this ok and pinpoints his ability to accept love as the key to which way he turns which is rich coming from kamas jaded ass but that’s the irony of the parallel too.

Other than that. It was both a fun low stakes image I wanted to be as erratic and loose with. Bc any content I make of a relatively unpopular character is like utmost self indulgent and for me and the like 10 other Mephy lovers out there. but I did work harder on it than most of what I’ve done lately. the image was actually very carefully staged and posed before I drew it first even though a lot of that was covered up by the mess, maybe I’ll show some of the earlier versions I had bc it changed a Lot and a lot of those earlier versions had their own merits…. I wanted it to have a solid base composition which isn’t always something I think of from the start.

Anyway ty so much and sorry to anyone whose dash i cluttered w the explanation. It just brings me a lot of joy to have someone pick up on things I left mostly to bg level interpretation you could take or leave. And I want to Talk about the clown I just need prompts or excuses otherwise I myself am. Too chaotic to focus lol

Darkness once gave birth to the arrogance of light. Were it not for fire, there would be nothing to this name.

#under the readmore is me longreplying to a long reply just warning you #high literary standards here on hells vestibule #Faust grand order #laust in the faust

260 notes · View notes

trylobite · 3 years ago

Note

i know you posted this forever ago but i can’t stop thinking about pj lighting your cigarette w his like a kiss

would he be soft and sweet about it? pushing some hair out of your face or holding your arm delicately to keep you still? or would he do it like it’s nothing, like he does this to everyone? but in reality he’s freaking out on the inside, trying to hide his blush despite the glow of the street light above you?

or would he forego the “kiss” altogether, afraid of what it would do to the two of you? would he just light your cigarette with his favorite lighter, staying next to you, far enough away that he wouldn’t think about what it would mean to actually kiss you? maybe even making fun of you for always forgetting your lighter and having to bum his?

maybe i just want knoxville to be a little sappy or w/e <3 😵‍💫

—🚬

so it has taken me some time to even form the words to reply to this, but after mulling it over for a few Days, ive come to this loose and poorly written conclusion.

lets open the scene in the living room of one of the jackass guys. shooting had just concluded for the week and youre preparing for a break between stunts to let all the residing injuries heal. thankfully, no one had gotten seriously hurt within these last few days, so you all decided it would be nice for the cast and some of the crew to have a little non-work related get together.

being a part of the jackass cast/crew (whichever you prefer) is, undoubtedly, a ton of fun, but with that fun comes a lot of gnarly shit that can create a very… intense work environment. having these small, but significant moments where you can all be together without the usual stressors is nice.

it has now been about three hours since the “get together” has started and you have found yourself sat between jeff tremaine and your closest friend, chris pontius. they’re having an one sided in-depth conversation about a cool snake chris saw at this exotic pet store he visited with dunn the other day. however, you can’t help but allow your thoughts to drown out the noise of their voices and the loud music playing as you catch a glimpse of knoxville sitting alone in the corner drinking a beer.

he confuses you so much. on camera, he has this huge, inviting personality and while his charisma does translate into his life off screen, he always seems more reserved in moments like these. anytime someone would bring it up to him that he hadn’t said anything in a while, he would say “oh, I’m just observing.” and while the rest of your friends called him a freak and a perv, you found it kind of endearing.

recently, you have been catching yourself reliving all your conversations with johnny up to this point. there haven't been an insane amount of interactions outside of a work, but they all felt so special to you. you really cherished every time you got to talk with him, especially in the off chance it was a moment shared between just the two of you. there’s no doubt in your mind that you love all these guys with your whole heart, but this intrigue in johnny stemmed from a different place within you. for months now, all you have thought about was getting to really know him and every minuscule detail about his life. he has invaded your every waking moment, but you were addicted to the way your heart sped up at the mere thought of him.

the sound of fingers snapping dangerously close to your face brings you out of your daze and in your search for the culprit, you are met with pontius’ confused expression.

“man, were you even listening? my story was totally cool and now im gonna have to start all over.” chris whines. jeff makes an overdramatic, guttural noise and jumps up, “that’ll do it for me. that will do it for me. im gonna get another beer.” he states before hurrying into the kitchen. chris scoffs and crosses his arms in a childlike manner.

“sorry chris. i got lost in my thoughts, you know how it is.” you monotonously apologized, but he simply... was not having it.

“dude, i forgive you or whatever, but are you alright? you’ve been staring into oblivion all night.” you let out sigh and prepare to spit out some tired excuse when you see knoxville slip past bam and steve-o’s headstand competition, and out into the night.

chris sees that you are, once again, distracted and follows your gaze to the man sneaking out onto the patio. he lets out a very obnoxious laugh and slams his hand onto your shoulder, rocking you both from side to side.

“oh, i see whats goin on, man. you should totally go talk to him. i dare you - NO! i triple dog dare you!”

chris’ strange mind-reading ability has completely frozen you in your seat.

“well, i-i mean, it’s not really- hes not- i dont-“ you cut your ramblings short with an awkward laugh.

“dont be a pussy, man. it’s just knoxville. i think you should go for it.” chris shrugs as you can’t stop the disgruntled scoff leaving your mouth.

“oh, fuck off, dick for brains. it’s pretty weird that you would even assume i wanted to talk to him just from a glance his way.”

he lets out another demented giggle and scoots closer, “oh please, I’m your best friend. you really think that i, the love doctor, can’t realize when someone has a little crush? you totally got this, man. what's the worst that could happen?”

with a sigh you hand your drink to chris and give his luscious locks a tousle,

“fine, i guess youre right, but if its awkward im coming back in here and making dave literally shit on you.”

chris chuckles very darkly and leans back into the couch with his arms spread along the back cushions, “sounds like a friday night to me baby. good luck!”

without a second thought your body is moving towards the door as you frantically wiped away the clamminess that has formed on your hands. as you step out into the cold night you see johnny leaning against the railing of the patio, lighting a cigarette. you clear your throat as you walk to stand beside him, making your presence known. when he turns to look at who has invaded his moment alone, he smiles his infamous heartbreaker smile as his eyes land on you.

“pretty rowdy in there, huh?” he asks you before bringing the cigarette to his lips.

your eyes linger on where his mouth and the filter meet, before letting out an amused scoff, “yeah, but at least no one is fighting, or getting arrested.”

the chuckle that comes from him is something you have heard many times in your secluded moments like this. you know it all too well, but it makes your stomach churn every time.

“aint that the truth, sweetheart.”

he smiles over at you as your breath catches in your throat.

“sweetheart? is that a line you use often?” you grin up at him.

he keeps his eyes on you for a few seconds before looking back out into the night. shaking his head he says, “not really, no. not for a while anyways.”

the shit eating smirk on his face is so subtle that you almost didn’t even see it.

“i see. i must be super special then.” as soon as the words pass your lips you regret them. you didn’t even mean to say that, but it’s like your mouth started moving before you even had a chance to think through a response. its as if your brain sees the guy you like and thinks, hmmm i should really just try and see how uncomfortable i can make him.

johnny steals another glance your way and lets out a sigh he didn’t realize he was holding in.

“you could definitely say that.” the rasp of his tone lights off a firework in your chest and despite the burn you can’t seem to pull your eyes away from his face. he catches your gaze again, but this time it seems as if time has slowed to an abnormal speed, the only thing moving in real time being the smoke from his cigarette.

his eyes are sucking you in like a black-hole and you can’t find the ability to look away. you suddenly become aware of how close the two of you are and you can feel the heat radiating off his body. you can see the definition of his face contrasting with the colors that the christmas lights strung around the patio are casting down on the two of you. the song, which you immediately recognize as ‘had I known you better then’ by hall & oates, is playing just within the threshold of the house, and is softly making its way to your ears. the smell of his cologne is fogging up your mind and the intoxicating scent of his aftershave mixing with the smell of tobacco and booze sends an electric shock through your body making you shiver.

the sudden movement pulls the two of you out of your trance and your eyes away from one another. a mental image of you beating your own ass flashes in your mind as you shake your head in disbelief.

in an attempt to save the moment and calm your racing heart, you point towards the thing between his slender fingers.

“do you mind if i bum one of those?”

in your moment of self-reflection, you had failed to feel his eyes piercing through you until you looked up at him for his response. in a tone an octave deeper than usual, he mumbles “sure thing, sweetheart.”

he puts his own cigarette between his lips and pulls a new one from the box, but as you go to reach for it, he shakes his head. you furrow your eyebrows in confusion, but before you can question his action, he holds up his hand and mutters, “dont move.”

you nod your head slowly, and without breaking eye contact he places the cigarette between your lips. he lets his fingers gently fall to the nape of your neck and holds you firmly in place. you shuffle your feet towards him in hopes of being even closer. he takes the hint and moves to where your torsos are practically touching.

he tilts your head up ever so slightly and places the end of his cigarette onto the end of yours. never breaking eye contact, you both inhale deeply, in turn igniting the end of your cigarette.

okay so... the was long as shit and probably not what you thought but!!! when i read the ask i immediately got my laptop and started typing lol. it isn't proof read by anyone, other than me just checking for grammar mistakes, so i apologize if something doesnt make sense. i really appreciate the asks like this because they make me so very feral. anyways much love to u guys be safe ♡♡♡🚬

#johnny knoxville #pj clapp #jackass #chris pontius #steve o #bam margera #jackass forever #🩻#💌#🪲#johnny knoxville x reader

374 notes · View notes