#I just hate these kind of expectations
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I might sound like a jerk for saying this but I hate when you get mandatorily volunteered to bring some food dish to some event. Like (for my situation) a couple is moving into a new house- so I was already gonna make a candle for them (bc I make candles and I’m not very creative beyond that but it still would have been very nice of me thank you very much) but no, now someone else is all “oh! wouldn’t it be a great idea if everybody made some kind of dish for them!!” Oh great, thanks for volunteering everybody for that, so now you have to make some kind of food or risk being the only one that doesn’t and looking like an a-hole. “Oh but you don’t have to if you don’t want to!” Like no that’s a lie, that’s a set up, bc everybody will be looking down on you if you don’t do this thing. I don’t fucking cook, I don’t bake, I hate doing it, but now I’ve gotta make something or be the a-hole
#I just hate these kind of expectations#or for family holidays you gotta make something or look like a freeliader#you gotta always give gifts for bdays and you gotta come up with new and bigger gifts every single time#maybe I’m just a bad person but I hate giving gifts/making food for people- I find it stressful bc I feel like nothing is good enough#I feel like nothing I give is ever good enough or I’m not giving enough of it or whatever and that just steals the joy#out of giving things in the first place#it just feels like a chore#I’m not a hypocrite tho I don’t care one way or the other if people give me things or not- I don’t automatically expect it- I don’t care#if you don’t want to that’s great if you do want to that’s fine too#I just hate that it’s like a requirement and if you don’t do it then you are obviously the scum of the earth and were raised in a barn
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White people are miserable, racist losers period. They’ve even been getting mad at Japanese people for correcting them about Yasuke as well.
#rambling#seen wp go ‘they’re mismembering their history is all-‘#as if they’d know more than the actual Japanese people#comments on ever post about yasuke are full of racist wp arguing with Japanese ppl and telling them that yasuke was a ‘nobody slave’#while Japanese ppl are just like ‘well anyway-‘ on their asses it’s kind of embarrassing#the guy is literally an historical figure bro#how are you mad that everyone from a country that you have such an unhealthy interest in isn’t as racist as you are??? that’s what it’s#giving#I’m sure there are lots of Japanese ppl being racist af too#since antiblackness is global and everyone has a problem with black people simply existing but#they hate us too but 😭#it’s just#expect full blown kkk bullshit as soon as a black character pokes their head out from around the curtain#antiblackness#I see white ppl cry about yasuke every other month man#or at least once a year on Twitter
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Started a new book series, and has been a journey...an Odyssey, if you will.
#poorly drawn odyssey#the odyssey#Athena#telemachus#penelope#odysseus#calypso#I also drew Phemius the bard and Antinous the leader of the suitors but I'll hold onto those for a while longer.#The Odyssey has been on my reading list for ages and I finally decided to just dive into the Robert Fagles translation.#*nobody* ever talks about how damn funny the Odyssey is. Oh my god. I have been howling.#The poor bard doomed to keep playing for this unending feast. The most unwilling court jester.#Penelope being introduced by her crying about how much she 'hates this song'.#And Telemachus is the goodest lad. The OG protag to set about on his heroes journey.#He is kind! He is soft! He yearns for adventure and finding out the truth! He wants to get back at his bullies!#He even gets a companion named Mentor. THE original mentor! Who is *totally* not a god by the way. Just a guy.#Not to mention how much Odysseus gets hyped up only for his first appearance to be him sobbing non-stop.#Honestly I was mostly motivated by the need to do research for a personal project but I've been having the best time.#I sincerely doubt my current audience has any overlap with classic Greek literature but expect a few more PD-Odyssey posts.#(Yes - I am familiar with Epic the Musical; this is not fanart of that adaptation).
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I have never been more concerned for a JP update from your art than I am seeing a Cheka knowing the context of Leona’s dream.
My bois ok right?????? My sweet nephews ok right??????
well
uhhhh
I'm sure the real one is fine :)
#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 11 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 11 spoilers#unfortunately leona's ultimate happy dream did involve his entire family dying tragically. them's the breaks.#(for the record he is a little messed up about this) (he is a little messed up about a lot of stuff)#the context of cheka is that they were going to try to shock leona awake by having him show up#however while styx could provide them with a 3d model based on a bodyscan (which they had for...reasons??) they had no data on his behavior#so he was basically just a little frozen mannequin#(the sprite was not t-posing but in my heart this was happening)#ruggie could kind of pilot him with his magic but it only lasts for a few seconds so he had to keep recasting it with noticeable choppiness#so while we don't get the entire effect due to the limitations of the format#this means that leona was in the middle of let-them-eat-cake'ing a revolution when suddenly#his late nephew bursts jerkily in through the door yelling OJITAN I'M ALIVE AND MY VOICE CHANGED OFFSCREEN#honestly they spent more time thinking of how to explain ruggie's terrible impression of cheka than anything else#how could leona have seen through this brilliant plan so quickly 🤔#man i really did love his horrible dream though#i like him as a character but i wasn't expecting his dream to be the one that got to me like that#love how all the savana dreams were like#jack: what if leona was really cool and my friend :)#ruggie: what if my dad came back and leona created a socialist utopia for me :)#leona: what if i finally got the chance to prove myself except i screwed everything up and everyone hated me and my family was dead#his conversation with kifaji at the end 😭#kifaji in his dream in GENERAL acting as a counterpoint to his phantom like. like!!!! (waves hands)#i just. these guys.#me 4+ years ago: this game looks so dumb i gotta try it. surely i won't become emotionally overinvested in any of this.
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i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as a binary i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as a sliding scale of "less" to "more" i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as the only two options i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as significantly different things i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as all encompassing i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as the two halves of a shallow concept of love that doesn't actually encompass anything at all i think we need to overhaul every popular conception about "types" of love so we can talk about things that are real and true for once
#in conclusion. alloromantics stfu up about love challenge#hate using the term platonic so much actually. cause even if it has a definition that is what it Should mean#you know that people don't actually think about it that way.#you say 'platonic' and you might Mean an all-encompassing love. but how it's interpreted is shorthand for 'just friends'#so like. the word platonic isn't Really for me is it :|#platonic gets presented like a consolation prize for aro people no matter where you turn#but fundamentally rn it comes from a concept of platonic and romantic as the two kinds of love#where platonic is for family and friends and nothing More.#and romantic is for the relationships that overhaul all else#so 'aros can still feel platonic love!' ok. what if it's not platonic as you know it though.#'oh then it's romantic!' k but it's not romantic either. will your framework explode if i say that#'aros can still feel platonic love!' why do you say that like it's a second-best option and expect me to identify with it...#again. platonic might Actually mean smth i experience. but it won't be Heard that way. do you get what i'm saying#i don't experience 'platonic blurring into romantic' cause i will never feel romantic love actually. those lines are still blurring though#ummmmm in conclusion. killing and biting#aromantic#aromanticism#aroace#arospec#talking
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*cracks knuckles* Okay lets talk about the elephant in the room: Style going to the support group for those who've suffered loss and telling what appears to be a fake story about losing his pet dog.
I'm going to point out a few things that I think provide a framework for Style's actions here. Not because I think it excuses what he did, but because I think a nuanced read is what the character deserves.
Point 1: An irresistible opportunity
The subs put the "Support Group for Loss" on the image in the notebook, but I'm not sure there's anything to suggest that Style would've known that was what this image represents until he showed up and saw the sign on top of the door.
In episode 2, Bison says, "He plans everything down from years, months, weeks to days" and then tells Kant:
So Style is literally just going to addresses/locations at given days and times, potentially not knowing what to expect. And as much as Fadel is certainly attending this meeting as a response to having that heartbreaking flashback (😭), this is also something he attends regularly and has planned to attend way in advance. So Style has no reason to think Fadel is attending this meeting because of a recent resurfacing of his pain.
What we, the audience, and what the characters know are very different things.
Now, should Style have turned his cute ass right around once he realised what this meeting was? Of course he should. But that wouldn't have been true to Style's character. We've been told by his best friend that he is "crazy" and been shown repeatedly that he lives right up to that description.
Style is impulsive. He's all base instinct and he acts on his desires without thought or contemplation. And by this point he is desperate for a deeper connection with Fadel. He's fascinated, captivated by the mystery that is Fadel and this is an excellent opportunity to finally see behind the wall Fadel so carefully maintains.
When Style sees the sign above the door, Style looks at the notebook (which, again, shows nothing but people sitting in a circle with the words RISE UP) like he's just realising what it means. He then gets this amused, almost rueful look on his face (like he's thinking "am I really going to do this?") before it shifts to determination and he walks through the door.
(My soul for the ability to once again gif something because FUCK Dunk is doing SO MUCH in this show!!)
To Style, this is just too good of an opportunity to give up.
Because let's be real, Fadel is so clearly lying and hiding something:
Fadel is shady as FUCK. He is simultaneously actually a really good cook (Style finally tries his burger so he knows, now), and also has the skills to work at a strip host club, and also can take on 3 guys in a fight, and also can break a man's arm with his thighs. Can you honestly blame Style for losing his mind just a little bit about wanting to get his hands on something, anything, to figure this man out?
Style is being absolutely consistent in his persistence to understand Fadel. This isn't about the car or about finally 'winning' the fight (thank you @airenyah for giving such a detailed framework to understand what Style's been doing until this point) anymore. This is about Style wanting to know Fadel himself.
Point 2: The potential implications of the setting
Now, what might give us a bit of insight as to why Style is this way? I have a theory (albeit one that could prove to be very wrong, but hear me out). I think this whole entire show is set in what could potentially be quite a small town/suburb.
There's a few things that make this theory plausible:
(1) Fadel and Bison are in hiding after Bison blew their previous cover. They're probably on the run from some section of the authorities and so it makes sense to settle in a quiet/out of the way place.
(2) Style seems to be really familiar with the people in the area. Like he grew up there and its the kind of small town where everyone knows everyone and everyone is in everyone else's business.
(3) Style is clearly the darling of the market aunties and uncles.
Style just lost her a sale and potentially a loyal customer, and she's still rooting for him? In episode 2, when Style asks the uncle to let him borrow his cart, it takes nothing but his word for the uncle to give Style his entire cart of produce for his ridiculous scheme.
Style is so clearly someone they all know well and have great affection for, and a very plausible explanation for this is that they all watched him grow up and the entire market (town/village) is fond of him.
And honestly?? Yeah, we see the way Style is actually quite sweet in that careless, guileless, thoughtless way. He goes the extra mile to fix his mistake with Fadel by replacing his car parts for free in episode 1. He helps out by taking orders in episode 2 without being asked and takes it seriously. In episode 3, he tries to drive more business to Fadel's store (bless him, he so clearly does NOT understand how restaurants work, but he MEANS well!!), and can we all acknowledge that it works?? He understands how to appeal to potential customers in the area because he knows the people there. It's not (entirely) his fault that Fadel wasn't remotely prepared for an actual rush crowd and Bison was off getting kinky with Kant and not doing his (fake) job. He is so clear about not judging Fadel's host job and tries his hardest to help him (to absolutely NO effect, but still) when the 3 guys gang up on Fadel.
Style is so loved and more importantly so very loveable.
Point 3: What this could mean for Style's character
So, potentially, Style is someone who grew up in a small town, who has been well loved, potentially spoiled and coddled, but also very much kept within the confines of the narrow viewpoint that a quiet, country town places on you.
It's in the way his dad scolds him as if he was still a child when he's at least in his mid to late 20s. It's in the way Style was so mad at Fadel for scolding him ("thanks for the lecture, dad"), like that hit a sore point for Style. It's in the way no one in the market takes him seriously; they're fond, but he's still a kid in their eyes. It's in the way he has an abundance of free time like he doesn't REALLY need to work at his dad's shop. It's in the way he sees Fadel beat 3 guys up with ease, starts wondering if Fadel is an assassin or a hitman, and is completely unfazed like he doesn't quite have a handle on reality.
It's in the way his best friend is a man who has no qualms about lying to him and putting his life in danger, and how Style seems to have no other friends or people (aside from his dad) in his life.
@wuxian-vs-wangji made a comment to me about Style being desperate for a meaningful connection, and I think she hit the nail on the head. Because along comes Fadel, a mysterious stranger with a suspiciously versatile set of skills who is also very hot and keeps giving Style these wonderfully complex reactions? Who sometimes wants nothing to do with Style, but at other times seems to be at war within himself about desperately wanting him? Who treats Style with anything but apathy?
This is catnip to Style; he never had any hope of resisting this.
Breaking news: Style is a complex and imperfect character...
Here's the thing, though: he was never going to try. The show has been incredibly upfront about who Style is as a person. Regardless of whether I'm correct about why he is this way (ie. that he is very much the product of the environment that didn't know how to handle a kid with Style's personality), episode 3 shouldn't have surprised anyone about Style. He's been incredibly consistent and true to himself.
He wants Fadel and he's "crazy" enough to go all in, no holds barred about it, and the Support Group was the biggest doorway to finally discovering something REAL about Fadel.
And its not just about sex or to prove his superiority anymore. Because if it was just that, then Style would have reacted very differently to their first time.
In this scene, Style is pleased and evidently enjoying himself, but he isn't exuberant. He isn't overcome with joy. If anything, he was more happy and excited when Fadel let him help out in the diner (I mentioned this in the tags in this post too) than he was when Fadel is literally fucking him. He lets Fadel set the pace; barely moves to touch Fadel except to hold him close. Almost like he doesn't want to accidentally mess this up, like he's worried he'll take too much, so he'll take what Fadel gives him and no more (please appreciate @braceletofteeth's amazing tags on this post). For a character that has been so aggressively on the offensive, this is shocking until you realise that sleeping with Fadel - while it's a step in the right direction - isn't Style's end goal anymore.
And he makes that abundantly clear in this episode:
Does Style even fully realise the weight of this desire? I doubt it. But I do believe that Style is in earnest. He doesn't fully understand his own feelings, but he also doesn't really care to either. All he knows is that he wants Fadel, wants his attention and his passion and his focus and his heart.
...but Style is also kind of, sort of, perfect.
Because he's exactly, precisely, breathtakingly exactly what Fadel needs.
Because Fadel is hurt and broken and bleeding inside. Because Fadel is barely holding it all together for Bison's sake, but has already given up hope for any true happiness for himself. Because Fadel can't trust anyone or anything in his life, when he's been used and used and used by the family who should've loved and cared and protected him.
Because it's going to take nothing short of this kind of unwavering, unshakable, uncomplicated determination to give Fadel even a chance of healing and opening his heart to love again.
#saw a post about style being one-dimensional and boring and I nearly had a breakdown because what are you TALKING about???#he's so perfectly messed up and terrible and unfiltered and WONDERFUL in all the wrong and right ways#and others have pointed out there's potentially even MORE to style's backstory because of the “coincidence” of Lilly meeting with#someone with the same name as the dog Style talks about in his story#listen the story telling in this show drives me inSANE in the best way and i'm baffled at some of the takes i'm seeing#can we at least... let his story play out maybe before dismissing or hating on Style?? its literally ONLY episode 3.#anyway yes its me your resident style apologist back to be unnecessarily emotional about style again#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#thk meta#style meta#hui talks thk#hui talks thai bl#style sattawat#fadelstyle#also FUCK ME dunk is just constantly serving every single episode and i've seen so many posts appreciating joong's acting (RIGHTLY SO!)#but not nearly enough love for the frankly INSANE performance dunk has been giving every single episode#i love him i love him I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OKAY T_T#dunk natachai#ALSO (not that this means i can speak for everyone in a similar circumstance)#but as someone who lost my father to cancer as a teenager i DO understand and relate to the FURY Fadel must have felt in ep 3#and i DO think style was wrong to have treated the situation so lightly#but like literally WHAT in this show sets up any expectation for style to have the emotional maturity to do that?#and also this doesn't make him an inherently bad person ACTUALLY#it makes him an idiot and needing to be taught the right way to respond to people who are grieving. but guess what; he's NOT ALONE??#because let me tell you the amount of times i wanted to punch FULL GROWN ADULTS for giving me “well meaning” platitudes at my dad's funeral#...but the thing is they DID mean well. they just didn't realise how hurtful their words were#and life is filled with imperfect people who make mistakes and part of our journey is learning from them and trying our best to be kind
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it was important that i draw them in these tshirts, for some reason
#i kind of hate this but it's ok it was supposed to be fast#saw#hoffstrahm#coffinshipping#peter strahm#mark hoffman#how many unnecessary tummy peeks can i draw before people get mad at me#the answer is not enough expect more#also i'm so deep in the paint w my saw ships i hope this makes sense and isn't just like 'what the hell' to everyone else#i have a VISION. for my DYNAMICS. and i jsut think a lot about lategame hoffstrahm#art#fanart#digital art
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Why do people like Lily? From what we've seen of her in the books she seems like a charming and good hearted person but also someone who is shallow, judgemental, a social climber, a classist and immature. Why do people make her out to be this feminist, kind hearted role model that is always morally above others and everyone likes her because she is oh so kind and great? It makes me cringe. From the text we can see that she had a black and white thinking, was shallow and probably self righeous, always thinking she's right and not being able to see the perspective of others. (We can see this in her interactions with Snape) So why do people love her? Do people really need a 'girl boss' in every fandom? There always seems to be one that's just made up by the fans. It looks like people just need a character they can point at and say "see we care about female characters, this one is oh so great, she can't do no wrong, worship her please." 🙄
Look, no offence, but... what? 'Shallow, classist, judgmental, social climber' what? Where are you getting this? Because she stopped being friends with a boy who literally called her a slur? Because she criticised that boy for defending and befriending people who were bigoted against people like herself? Like sorry but I think I'm entirely the wrong person to come to with this kind of thing. I fully disagree. I could not disagree more.
Black and white thinking? The opposite. Lily remained friends with someone who espoused the exact opposite of her beliefs for way too long. Not just her beliefs, but her right to exist. She tolerated Snape (and I do love him as a character, but still) way more than she should have, objectively speaking. That's the opposite of black and white. She was way too understanding, way too empathetic with him. She didn't judge Snape hard enough, in my opinion.
Nah, look idk what you were hoping with this ask but I'm sorry, I'm generally a staunch Lily defender and I heavily disagree with what you're saying. It's not that I think she's a perfect person, she certainly has her flaws like anyone. I don't think that she should be idealised, I think she should be given complexity like any character, but neither do I think she's classist (esp since she's meant to be working class) nor particularly judgmental nor shallow nor immature. I love Snape but he was terrible to her. He befriended people who wanted her dead. Lily didn't owe him anything, and her """righteousness""" as you say is not only entirely justified, but objectively speaking she should have dropped that bitch way earlier.
Why do people (including myself) love Lily? Because she was a good person. Because she was brave and decent and kind. She remained friends with Sev for years despite peer pressure and common sense and she defended him without hesitation. She dedicated her life to fighting for what was right. Lily is a good person. She's not inherently, morally above others, she's not perfect but she was a good, kind person, the way her son is a good, kind person.
Not that difficult to understand imo, unless you have way higher standards for male characters than female characters. Not everyone has to like or be interested in Lily but pretending she's somehow worse/less worthy of interest than Snape, James, Sirius, Regulus, etc (and I imagine you've got to be a fan of some of these marauders era characters if you're reading my blog) because she dropped a guy who wanted to join a fascist group that wanted her dead is absolutely ridiculous.
Lily is so kind and great. Her act of bravery and sacrifice is what kickstarts the entire HP series. Sorry. Like absolutely not, I completely disagree with you about Lily's character. People liking a female character doesn't mean that they have a shallow 'girl boss' approach to that character, and I find that a condescending explanation for why people like myself might be fans of Lily Evans. Maybe, and you perhaps should consider this, us fans of Lily just enjoy and are interested in female characters the exact same way we might be interested in male ones.
Look I don't want to be mean, but can't you tell from my icon, which is clearly supposed to be Lily, that I love Lily? Lily is one of my favourite HP characters. I really don't want to be rude but I'm absolutely the last person who'd share this viewpoint.
#sorry i know this is a bit of a rude/blunt response but i just dislike the tone of this#im not usually so rude in a reply but i also dislike the idea that its 'other' ppl who like lily. like that's me. i love lily.#lily evans#it's always 'lily has to see it from sev's point of view' but nobody ever expects sev to see it from hers!#it's so blatant#zero expectation for sev to literally understand that his mates hate her kind#and that the group he aspires to join wants to kill/subjugate ppl like her#but poor sev! because lily that big meanie questions the fact that he's friends with ppl who hate her#and lily i guess needs to be way nicer and more understanding to sev than sev ever is to her. the double standard is so obvious#lily
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Not people talking bad about my girl Helaena just to support Aemond. Like, she had a right to ask him if what he did was worth it because, even if Aegon is atrocious, Aemond is the reason that her son was killed in front of her, the reason that she had to choose which of her children dies, and is the reason why she has to live with that now. While other characters played a part in that, without Aemond killing Luke, Jaehaerys would probably still be there or wouldn't have died in such a cruel way. B&C are sent there to kill Aemond, and when they can't find him they follow through with their next order of "a son for a son". And while Aemond may be smarter and more strategic (and not a disgusting man like Aegon) as prince regent, he is still, as Alicent called out, volatile and brewing with unchecked anger. I wouldn't feel safe having him on the throne just as much as Aegon, but because he served face and is the lesser evil I'm supposed to be okay with it? No, Helaena can question this man as much as she likes, for the rest of her life given what she has to go through. (Also, she literally just asked him a valuable question that deeply needs to be considered, so why are people mad at her?)
#house of the dragon#hotd spoilers#hotd#aemond targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#like again i don't like aegon but i also don't really care for aemond (especially after what he did to rhaenys 😭)#and tbh this isn't even hate towards him but more so some fans turning on helaena & dismissing her trauma just to support him#like she does not deserve that#i don't think aemond would make a good ruler either i said what i said#aemond stans don't interact if you can't have a collected conversation about this#helaena targaryen#kind falls onto how male characters actions can be dismissed or ignored over any little thing (especially if they cause harm)#but let a female character dare question them (even if they were the one who was harmed as a result) and suddenly she's in the wrong#but this is asoiaf fandom so what did i expect? 🤷🏾♀️#“but aemomd wasn't the only one-” right he wasn't but the reason jaehaerys was killed was in revenge for aemond killing luke#from what we've seen in the show rhae was definitely against the plot so even without luke being killed she probably still would be against#killing jaehaerys and inflicting that pain on helaena
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☆ love; heretical and divine
{☆} characters tsaritsa {☆} notes cult au, yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood {☆} word count 0.8k
To love a God is heretical. It is an act of blasphemy– it is to drag them down from their throne of hollow gold, to topple the pedestal the worshipers uphold on their shoulders like lambs at the herders heel. It is the act of forcing them to their knees and ripping that beating heart of glorious gold and beautiful, cruel divinity from their chest, so pure it burns.
To love a God is to make them sin. To make them painfully, horribly human.
To love a God is to sin.
The love of a worshiper is no love at all, brilliant in its raw purity, untainted by sin. It is fear and obedience masked by adoration so overpowering it corrupts. It makes the lamb so unquestioning in it's faith it will never question the knife that cuts, the teeth that rip, the claws that tear. If the Creator deemed them unworthy of the very life crafted by their hands, then they must have committed a sin so grave there lay no salvation for their horrid soul.
But she is no worshiper– her lips speak of heresy as easily as she breathes, her words nothing but lies, cold and cruel like the ice that crawls along her skin like webs.
She loves a God like a lover should.
A damned sinner reaching longingly for the heavens.
She loves a God in the subtle brush of their lips, their muffled voices behind closed doors as they indulge in curiosity untamed. She is a sinner through and through, but she feels herself fall further with every brush of her hand across their cheeks, every touch she bestows upon them like a lover. She memorizes the imperfections of their body like memorizing a map– every scar, every mark, every line drawn on their body like a canvas, her touch the brush that stains the pristine white.
No devoted lamb shall ever see the painting they create in these stolen moments– it is for the eyes of a heretic so vile it makes them shudder, their body dirtied by the love of a woman so vile even their divinity is obscured by the ice.
The lambs may be satisfied with fleeting glimpses of gold and empty words from lips that guide them to the jaws of the wolves, but she is not. Her hands crave them like a starving hound, aching to touch that imperfect skin hidden by the veil of gold that obscures the painfully human body beneath. She longs to free them from the golden cage that binds them– to see their wings blot out the sky, their divinity tainted by sin and making them all the more beautiful for it.
It is a longing that leaves a festering wound that cannot heal, will not heal. Even if it could, she would not let it.
For as much as she tries, deny it as she may, she is no better then the blind lambs following the herder who holds a blade in their hand, glittering like gold in the sun, stained by dull red.
She is a fool, and what a fool they make of her with the touch of their hands against her skin– so cold it leaves frost on their fingertips. Yet they do not fear the cold, mapping out every inch of her imperfections, carved into her body by her own hands.
She has always been a heretic, cursing the divine until she could speak no more, but if divinity can be found in them – in this love that consumes, that burns her hands and her lips – then she is a Saint, praying at the altar until her throat bled.
But in the end, she has and will always be a cold woman with hands stained with blood. Until it is all she can taste, until it is all she can smell, until it is all she can feel. These hands of hers, heretical and divine, will bleed the God from their veins– she will become the wolf to their lamb until the rivers of Teyvat run gold with their ichor, until the gold bleeds into red, the taste of their divinity on her tongue.
Until she drags a God from their lofty throne and makes of them a monster.
There is no greater triumph to the heretic then to love a God into sin. To make a God sin to love.
To love is to be human, and they are no God.
Even if she must tear the gold from their very being until all that's left is something human. Even if Teyvat crumbles and decays, even if it begins over and over again..
She will do it again and again, until the gold can bleed no longer. Until her sins grow too great for Teyvat to contain.
To love a God is to devour, and be devoured. An endless cycle of sin that dulls the glow of gold into something new– something horrifying and divine, in it's own right. Something just as horrid as her, just as divinely corrupted by the sins she carries on her shoulders like a trophy, as gold as the sun and as cold as ice.
Divinity, carved into something human by love all consuming, until it all bleeds away and they begin their dance anew, for as many cycles as it takes.
An eternity, if she must, of dooming this world of theirs to fire and decay for a glimpse of the being snared by their golden shackles.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#fic tag#tsaritsa#tsaritsa x reader#rip 2 anyone who expected like. a normal fic lol. lmao.#im very normal abt the tsaritsa and love its so tasty#i left it very up to interpretation what like. actually happens but. yknow.#i just think tsaritsa being the god of love and not knowing how 2 love without being weird abt it is fun#also wanted to dig into the concept of reader being fundamentally changed by being the creator besides gold blood yknow#but the tsaritsa Knows its changed you and she hates it. she hates it but how does one destroy what is divine?#how do you destroy the very thing that has created you in its hands so cruel and kind?#ive really gone off the deep end huh#this is a warning 2 the normal ppl u might as well leave now. lol#lowkey going for her actually straight up eating u but decided that was too weird for my first fic in a while. had 2 tone it down#i also wanted to add a bit of a concept of the constant resets teyvat goes through and how it plays into the themes#the tsaritsa constantly stuck in a cycle of getting rid of your divinity to be with you as you actually are but teyvat “dies” shortly after#bc obvs ur not the creator afterward so it just croaks and then it all resets again and again#but its the tsaritsa we r talking abt do u think that stops her. NO#obvs still up 2 interpretation go wild this was just what i intended#can u tell i have a lot of feelings abt tsaritsa and concepts of love from her pov. haha. I PROMISE IM NORMAL#i am mentally well why do u ask#what warnings do i add here. dont open this fic ive lost it maybe. yeah#covid rewiring my brain or smth idk man
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thinking about kab and the thing about her i think is she knows just enough to keep herself safe Generally but not enough to really predict what would happen should something more... complicated??? unforeseen??? idk whats the right word to use but something not covered by someones reputation and/or vids happen, believe it or not this also affects her view of clownpierce (we'll get to that)
for example, mapicc has a reputation for being an violent, angry, & impulsive guy and nothing else which makes sense but is incredibly surface level and something that only really works if you dont have a lot of experience working with him
another is reddoons, his betrayal after the base incident while shocking is not unforeseen but his reputation as being a guy whos seen as being a reasonable person whos fairly loyal to his team made it seem like something he wouldnt do even tho it absolutely is
regarding how it affects her view of clown, since he isnt perfectly aligned with his reputation she instead pivots in the complete opposite direction and forgiving basically every crime he does even tho hes something much more mild and complicated than either his reputation or her view of him will ever be (think madonna-whore complex which is especially obvious when it comes to kabs vs woogies view of him)
another side effect of this Just Enough amount of knowledge aside from being blinded by her own expectations is that it frustrates ppl who think shes oversimplificating things (like me and seemingly several other tumblr users as well) especially when she claims that shes objectively correct and the smartest in the room at any given moment
how this roughness in her analysis affects her in the server still has yet to be fully seen but we do still have at least a couple months until the end but 'til then shes just gonna keep stumbling as more and more complicated situations pop up as is typical in lifesteal to happen and eventually shes gonna have to learn to adapt or else she'll be suffering the consequences one way or another
#mine.txt#analysis#ig. this is very rough tho and is more just thoughts than anything#but i wanted a tag so i can get back to this later to see how right or wrong i am#another thing that affects this is the cc/c divide which is something she likes to take control of#one of the ways it manifests is that she likes to go in and out of it frequently which can be incredibly distracting#esp if youre someone like me who wants the lsers to just. be themselves and get immersed in whats happening around them#and it doesnt help that her and her character can have Very different feelings on a situation#basically the cc/c divide or at least how kab likes to use it affects the way she acts because shes got an idea in her head already#of what to think of the other ppl in the server which makes her inflexible when unexpected things come up#as opposed to when shes just being herself reacting to things#which is unfortunate but i think reflects on how outsiders vs insiders view lifesteal#the reality vs expectations of the audience are so incredibly different esp if you only watch the vids#so much so that while watching kabs vid my initial reaction was that she wasnt as big a ls fan as i originally thought#then realized no this seems like the exact sort of thing id expect from someone whos only seen the vids; particularly of the pvpers#(specified pvpers cause only watching the pvpers vs other kinds of players on the server are Very different experiences)#tho the thing about kab is she Does have insider knowledge!#.... mainly from ppl who dont log on a lot (ash and clown and maybe squiddo)#so naturally thats gonna give her a biased view of how the server works one way or another#the exception to this would be zam telling her about eclipse federation but i think either she doesnt know or severely underestimated#just how much lying; manipulation; keeping secrets; and yap sessions built on incompatible motives and morals happened#that made s4 the way it is not only in game but outside of it as well#''we're at our best when we hate each other irl'' - reddoons according to zam
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You doing ok?
hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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I resent getting dragged into the discourse but it's wild to me that there are people out there who read the HP books and laud Harry for being brave and having a big heart and redeeming the wizarding world with his unusually great ability to love, yet can't comprehend how he could learn to appreciate Snape's sacrifice.
I'm very specifically thinking of the fact that Harry watches Snape die. Snape, who is lying on the floor, gripping Harry's robes, and whose eyes Harry is looking into and seeing the life leave. I don't understand how people can humanize some fictional characters and treat them as if they were real and completely dehumanize another. Not even for Snape's sake, but for Harry's sake, do these people not understand what it is to watch someone die? What's the expectation, that the Capacity For Love Posterchild protagonist steps out of character and doesn't care about the guy he watches bleed out and die suffering because you, as a reader, don't like him?
Which is it? Does Harry have a huge capacity to love or not? Pick a lane. Either you value this character trait in Harry or you don't. But you have to take or leave everything it comes with, otherwise you're a hypocrite. Or maybe illiterate.
I just don't GET it.
#Harry watched Dumbledore die and took the locket from his corpse.#Harry held Dobby in his arms as he died.#And then Harry watched Snape die. The kid has seen a lot of death and it has a profound effect on him.#What kind of person expects him to walk away from Snape's death and go 'yeah but he was still an asshole.'#Not to mention that Snape was the only person Harry ever met who told him stories about his mom and showed him what she was like.#Even if you're too emotionally dense to understand the emotional shift that happens when an antagonistic authority figure becomes vulnerabl#with you - let alone to such an extreme degree#How do you not understand that being part of someone's death is an intimate experience that bonds you to some degree?#If I only saw this kind of attitude from people who treat the books and characters as fiction I'd get it maybe.#But I see it from people who will argue on behalf of Harry and/or the Marauders as if they were real people with agency and not characters#created by the same author as Snape and/or whoever else they hate#but their treatment of them as real people either ends at characters they like or they're just the kind of people who dehumanize#anyone they don't like in real life too I guess?#and I see this AGAINST MY WILL because I don't even want to see this discourse AND YET *gestures at my feed*
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sorry for doing this again but how are ppl seriously claiming that rin and haru werent written with the subtext of having any romantic tension……… what the fuck do you think the association with sakura trees means in japan???? the power of friendship??? commodore between men?? it means gay sex fall in love. like come the fuck on
#read my ship discourse below boy#mh fans do this the most and its so unfair bc they are so stubborn abt meeting halfway#like i 100% believe makoto is in love with haru. like intentionally written to be in love with haru full stop#trouble is he does not reciprocate and this is made very clear by. everything he thinks in relation to makoto vs rin#and like obv we’re never going to agree on this but at least i can agree on SOMETHING#but so many mh fans it feels like are so dead set on the belief that haru has never thought of rin a day in his life#and rin fucking hates haru actually and only likes him for his swimming and forgets he exists when hes not swimming#like i dont expect fujoshis in a ship war to exhibit an honor code myself included but cmon that kind of bad faith reading just isnt fair#rinharu#rin matsuoka
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band au rahhhhhhhhhhh
#i wanted to draw the other guardians too but this would be a good start#ok so#tsuna starts his band. yamamoto bass and gokudera keys and tsuna suprisingly drummer and also lead vocal. reborn appears out of nowhere-#being “youre not your full potential so i will drain you till youre like a fish in a dehydrator until you become the best out there.”#thats about it#but i just like how drumming singers are like extremely good music people because drumming is already hard. and singing too???#absolutely insane i might say. tsuna would do this (bc reborn told him so)#he does not want to be the best but reborn exists in the paro for a reason#reborn is like maybe a famous musician who faked his death then did whatever he wanted to do while he was “alive”. then he got tsuna as his#apprentice and so so. oh yeah also whiplash (the movie) reference bc holy shit its so good. for me at least. and reborn would make tsuna go#that kind of crazy. like training until drenched in sweat from morning to night or whenever hes available. bc he knows he has potential#he just need someone to push him beyond his expected limit#btw 8059 implied#gokudera joined the band first bc yeah then comes yamamoto for fun as he had to rest from playing baseball a bit too enthusiastic#gokudera hated him so much for like being dumb??? (the goofy ah laugh) but then the two dated even before reborn made a move on tsuna#its very funny but they work it out#i was also thinking if the band ever do solos or do something not as the whole band 8059 will have their own album. itll be great#for genre im not sure?? lets just say alt rock electrojazz????#no idea but maybe ill make a playlist. maybe#sawada tsunayoshi#reborn#yamamoto takeshi#gokudera hayato#8059#r27
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"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,
The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"
Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.
What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.
#derpy speaks#good omens#good omens 2#no i dont think crowley is gonna ever hate aziraphale for what happened but he's allowed to be angry#he's allowed to be done with it all. he's allowed to be exhausted. just look at his face when he drives away.#meh. idk. but i dont know how i'll feel if crowley just INSTANTLY accepts aziraphale back in a situation involving#idk - ''hey help me stop the new apocalypse''#at least. without like. SOME pushback? it can even be something small like ''are you SURE you want ME to help you? do you really need me?''#doesnt have to be a straight refusal but i'd like SOME kind of action to show that crowley is putting his foot down for once#he deserves that self respect#do NOT reply saying that im insinuating that aziraphale is actively malicious or doing it on purpose.#everything he has done up until now is his own complicated response to all the trauma and guilt he's been through#but despite that crowley is STILL allowed to be upset... it's messy. i can write a whole paper about how this whole thing#is just unfortunate on both ends. again. we didnt get queerbaited we got communication baited 😭#but help me out here. am i just too fandom-brained to have these expectations from the story?#is there something obvious im missing that is making me sound like a complete asshole here? do i need to get my head out of the gutter?#someone please explain it to me if so because whatever it is‚ i can't find it#not queued
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