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callsign-dexter · 9 months ago

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Saving Grace 18+

Major Trigger Warning: Domestic and Child Abuse

Request: Ok, I blame your blog for my growing desire on Kelly Severide 😭😭😭 and your smut was soo goood! I'm in Love with your writing !

Sooooo I kindly want to ask you for a little bday (it's Sunday but it's fine if you don't have time) present with angsty Kelly, cause I'm sure we'll love some fluff too 🤗🙊 maybe a little something where they are a couple and she's a paramedic and he's always cute around her and wants her to be save on every call. But one time they're all get called to a gang fight and as she's treating a victim she gets attacked with a knife which nearly kills her and Kelly's world stops when she's in his arms full of blood and barely hanging on. He never leaves her side when she's taken to Med and even there he's by her side begging her to come back to him. Just cute and fluffy Kelly cause daaaaaamn he's so great 🥹 oh and ofc it's a Happy Ending with them 🤗❤️

Pairings: Kelly Severide x Fiancée!Paramedic!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, hospitals, stabbing, knife, blood, inaccurate medical talk, smut

Masterlist

A/N: Happy belated birthday to the anon that sent this in!

A/N 2: Yes even though this is fluff with angst there is smut so @imagine-all-the-fandoms and @talesofreading please prepare yourselves!

You had known Kelly Severide ever since you were both kids, considering you were next door neighbors. You didn't have the best childhood and needed a friend and you found that in Kelly. You two had grown up and had been there for each other through thick and thin. Through bad breakups with shitty boyfriends and girlfriends. You shut down all the rumors going around about Kelly even though you probably knew they were true especially with him being a womanizer, but you had to defend your friend and crush.

——————————————————————

Middle school hit and your friendship was stronger than ever and you two had stayed thick as thieves no matter how popular he had become. When his girlfriend, and also the captain of the soccer team, tried to get him to stop hanging around you because she didn't like you, he immediately broke up with her. One particular night they yelling and the fighting got so bad at your house that it became physical and your father had hit you and then threw a plate against the wall, breaking it and some of it cut you. Your mother tried to stop it but your father turned on her and she looked at you with a particular look and you ran, you ran to Kelly. When he saw you and the shape you were in, he grew furious but he took you up to your room and cleaned you up and held you that night.

——————————————————————

When high school came around your friendship and crush were still going strong. It became normal around the school to see each other with each other, so normal that his friends started becoming your friends and vice versa. Around sophomore year a particularly bad night occurred over at the Y/L/N Household. Your mother had just passed away due to some complications from the abuse your father had laid on her, the next day your father started to drink heavily starting in the morning and didn't end at all. You had just come home from school to find your father sitting at the kitchen table drinking. “About time you came home.” He said with a bite in his tone.

“I was at school.” You said slightly trembling. Your father looked up at you in rage.

“From now on you're not going to school. You're staying here.” He said not really in the right mental state.

“Dad, I can't do that. I need to go to school.” You said you wanted Kelly.

“Not anymore. Now make dinner.” He said harshly.

“No, Dad. I have homework to do and I promised Kelly I would meet up with him to help him.” You said and the anger flashed through your father’s face.

“You're always with him. Kelly this, Kelly that. I bet you've probably fucked him you slut.” He said and that brought tears to your eyes.

“No, I haven't.” You said “I'm not with him.” You added and your dad scoffed.

“Whatever. Now, get to cleaning this place is dirty and cooking. I'm hungry.” He spoke

“No, I need to do homework and then meet Kelly. I've told you this.” You said something must've snapped in him because he was suddenly picking up his glass and throwing it at you. It grazed you and hit the wall exploding in a million pieces and most of those cut you and you ducked for cover. Your dad stalked over to you and grabbed you by the hair and slammed you up against the wall he was yelling and threatening you. Tears were coming out fast.

“Stop you're crying.” He said and punched you in the face and you cradled your face and that just made him grow angrier. He slammed your head into the wall and then threw you down onto the ground. He kicked you twice in the ribs, breaking some, and several in the stomach. There were plates on a shelf next to you and he reached over and pulled that down over you, they broke all over you and cut you. You were sure you were bloody and not a very good sight to look at. You were close to passing out and you just wanted Kelly.

“Kelly.” You mumbled and your dad rolled his eyes.

“There you go saying his name. He can't save you now.” Your dad said and then brought his boot cover foot and it connected it with your head and that brought stars to your vision. Kelly, you wanted Kelly and now. Your dad finally stopped his attack on you and then stormed away, grabbed his keys and left considering you heard his truck start up. He left the door standing wide open.

Kelly had just gotten home from his baseball practice when he noticed your car in the driveway but not your dad's. He also noticed the door left wide open and that made his stomach drop. He quickly pulled into your driveway and got out and rushed in and the scene before his eyes made his blood boil. You were laid there in a pool of your own blood and semi-conscious. “Son of a bitch.” He said to himself he made it very clear that he didn't like your dad early on. “Hey, Angel. Wake up for me. Please.” Kelly said while stroking your cheek but nothing had worked. “You’re really scaring me.” He said. You heard a voice and it sounded like Kelly’s.

“Kel?” You asked, slurring your words and eyes cracking open. You saw him crouching down in front of you.

“Yea, it's me.” He said

“Dad-” You began but he shushed you.

“I know, Angel. I know.” He said smiling sadly and then pulled out his phone. “I’m gonna call 911. Just hang tight.” He said and you just stared at him everything sounded underwater. You could hear him talking but couldn’t pay attention. Your eyes started to close “Hey, hey, hey. Keep those eyes open for me.” He said but they were already shutting “Y/N-” he said and the last thing you heard before you let the darkness win.

The next thing you remember was waking up in the hospital with Kelly asleep by your side. You hurt all over and you vowed to yourself that you would become a paramedic to help people in need. You tried sitting up and groaned and that is what woke him up. “Woah. Hey. It’s ok, Angel.” He said and got up helped you lay back down.

“Dad?” You asked and he smiled sadly.

“He was found with his truck wrapped around a tree, he survived and when he gets healthy enough, he is going to prison.” He said and you nodded and then your eyes were closing. “Go to sleep, Angel. I’ll be right here.” He said and you let your eyes slip closed.

“I love you, Kel. More than a friend.” You said and he smiled.

“I love you too. More than a friend.” He repeated and you smiled and then fell asleep. When you woke up again, he brought up what you said and told him it was true and he smiled and told you that he felt the same way. From that day you two started to date.

——————————————————————

When you both graduated high school you decided to follow Kelly everywhere and owed him your life because he saved your life. You ended up going with him to the fire academy and excelling through it and had graduated as a paramedic and him as a firefighter. After graduation he had proposed to you and it was an immediate yes.

Considering that you both had gotten engaged you both followed each other through the different firehouses and both ended up at Firehouse 51. When you got the position for a paramedic on Ambulance 61, he got his position on Rescue Squad 3 and you both were so happy. It was exciting and both were so happy.

Kelly and you had talked about kids and decided not to wait until you both were married and when it happened then it happened. You loved the thought of getting married but were happy to be engaged with the love of your life. Getting with you and getting engaged changed Kelly for the good, he stopped being a womanizer and he devoted himself to you and only you.

——————————————————————

You both had been sleeping soundly in your own bed at your house after being off for 3 days and having a lot of fun in the bedroom trying but not really trying for a child. Your alarm had gone off at 6:30 AM and you jolted awake. When you turned over and saw the time you groaned and shut the alarm off. “Is it time already?” Kelly asked with a gravely and sleep ridden voice and you smiled and rolled over looking at him. You didn’t have to go in until 8:00 AM.

“Sadly yes.” You said and kissed him and he returned the kiss. “But hey, we'll be with each other for the next 2 days.” You said and he smiled.

“That we will, Angel.” Kelly said and kissed you rolling over to where he was pinning you underneath him. The kissing got more intense and you were planning on letting it go further but you needed to get to work before Boden had both of your heads.

“As much as I want to continue this. We really need to get to work.” You said and he bowed his head and sighed in defeat. He knew you right.

“You’re always right.” He said and you smiled and kissed him again but he continued his attack on you.

“Kel.” You warned but he just continued his attack on your neck and then he was inching his way down your body until he got to the hem of his shirt that you stole from him. “Baby.” You moaned out and he smirked and went lower to your underwear cover pussy. He pushed your legs open and began kissing the inside of your thighs as he slid your underwear down your legs and threw them somewhere. Then he dove straight in and your head was thrown back “Kelly!” You shouted but turned into a moan. Your hands went to his head he licked a broad stripe up your folds as his hands kept your thighs spread. He swirled his tongue around your entrance and then bit your clit gently and that had you letting out a pornographic moan. Your back arched pleasure and that rubber band feeling was creeping up a tall tale sign you were about to cum. “I’m gonna cum.” You warned and he quickened his pace and when he sucked on your clit and gently bit it again for the second time had you coming undone. “I'm cumming!” You moaned out and that rubber band snapped and you saw stars. You came all over his face and he was licking it up like it was his last meal. When you came down from your high, he was sitting up and lying next to you. You laid there for a few minutes catching your breath “That was amazing.” You said and he smiled and leaned over and kissed you, you could taste yourself on his tongue.

“Have to take care of my girl.” He said after he broke the kiss and you smiled.

“Now we have to get ready.” You said and got up. He laid there watching you. Once you had disappeared into the bathroom, he and when he heard the shower running, he got up and smirked. He stripped off his sweats and underwear leaving him nude. He walked into the bathroom and when you heard the shower door open you smiled.

“Just couldn’t stand it could you?” You asked and he smirked.

“How can? Especially knowing my sexy fiancée is in here all alone and may need some assistance.” He said and you laughed as he started to finish what you had started and then it was your turn to help him. As you were soaping him up and rinsing him off you got down to his very erect and noticeable hard on, you smirked.

“Want me to help you with that?” You asked and he smirked.

“I would never say no to you.” He said and you smiled and he helped you ease your way down once he knew what you were doing. All soap was gone and both of you were clean but you always did enjoy standing there under the hot water. Your hand traveled down to his cock and pumped it while you kissed the tip and kitten licked it and that had him moaning. “Oh, Angel. That feels so good.” He said and you smirked and took the tip into your mouth and swirled it with your tongue and then you started moving your head up and down. Kelly’s head was thrown back in pleasure. One hand went to your head and the other braced himself on the shower wall. “Angel.” He moaned out. You kept changing your speed and then you hollowed your cheeks and took him deeper until he hit the back of your throat. You breathed through your nose “I’m close, Y/N/N.” He said and you knew it was true especially when your other hand that wasn’t on his cock went to his balls you felt them tightening up. What did him in was when you squeezed his cock and his balls at the same time “I’m cumming, Angel.” He moaned out and then his thick load shot into the back of your throat and you swallowed it all. When he was done you slowly drug your mouth off his cock and released him with a pop. He helped you stand up and kissed you tasting himself. You smiled at him “Thank you, Angel.” He said and tucked a piece of wet hair behind your ear.

“Anytime babe.” You said and then you both were getting out and getting ready. Once everything was ready to go you looked at your phone 7:20 AM it read and your eyes bugged out of your head.

“What is it, Angel?” He asked when he noticed your expression.

“We’re gonna be late.” You said and he smirked.

“Then let me drive.” He said and you groaned but agreed. You both walked out to his Jeep and he booked it to the firehouse. 7:50 AM, you had cut it close but now you felt nauseous.

“Never letting you drive again.” You said as you grabbed your bag.

“Oh, come on. I got us here on time.” He said and you just shook your head and the both of you headed in. Both of you put your bags in the locker room and went to hear the reports and once that was over your 2-day shift started.

6 hours into your shift nothing really exciting happened, just a few small calls that didn’t require everyone to go out. You were grateful for the silent morning and not much happening because that meant you could spend time with Kelly and plan your wedding with your bridesmaids, Sylvie Brett and Grabriela Dawson and maid of honor, Stella Kidd. “So, have you picked a color yet?” Sylvie asked.

“I have 2 picked out navy blue and sage green.” You said and she nodded.

“Oh, navy blue would look so pretty.” Stella said and you smiled as you flipped through some magazines. You were mid flip when Kelly walked into the room you looked up when you saw him coming over and kissed you.

“How is my beautiful fiancée doing?” He asked and you smiled and you could hear the girls aweing at you both and you rolled your eyes at them.

“Oh hush. I’m doing well. A little bit achy from the rambunctious patient we had last call.” You said and he gave you a look “Kel, I’m fine nothing major happened and we handled it.” You said and he eased up.

“You know I want you to be safe on every call.” He said and you nodded and watched him walk over to the fridge and grab two bottles of water and something to snack on and brought it to you. You gladly accepted them.

“You two are so adorable.” Gabby said and you chuckled and made room for Kelly to sit down and then you leaned into him and started flipping through the magazine again as he fed you some of his snack. “So, you have a cake picked out?” She asked and you nodded.

“We do. It’s a chocolate strawberry cake.” Kelly said “It’s her favorite and I want her to be happy on her special day.” He said and kissed your temple. You smiled and played with your engagement ring.

“Hey it’s your day too.” You argued and looked at him.

“Yes, but to me it’s going to be all about you and celebrating you being with me.” He said and again the girls awed at the both of you and again you rolled your eyes but smiled. The wedding talk continues and Kelly put his input in. When the urge to go to the bathroom was needed you got up and he whined. “Where are you going?” He asked pouting and you turned to him.

“I have to go to the bathroom, Babe. Unless you want to join.” You said as a joke and he started to get up but you stopped him “I was joking. I’ll be back soon.” You said and he pouted again.

“Fine. I’ll miss you.” He said and you laughed.

“I’ll be right back.” You said and the girls all laughed. You went to the bathroom and as you were washing your hands the bells rang signaling for Rescue Squad 3, Truck 81, Ambulance 61, and Engine 51. It must be serious if they were sending everyone out. You quickly rushed the ambulance and he stopped you before you got in and he kissed you hard and you returned the kiss. “I love you.” You said as you hopped into the vehicle.

“I love you too.” He said and then you both got in your vehicles and then you were off to the call. The call was made by a bystander that had witnessed a gang fight had taken place and there were some casualties but also some that needed medical attention as well as a fire that had broken out due to a bullet hitting a gas tank of a car. Intelligence was also called since it was their case they were working on. You were quick to jump out when the ambulance had stopped. Boden gave orders and everyone got to work. You, Sylvie, and Gabby along with Herrmann, Otis, Kelly, Brian and Peter moved people that needed serious attention to one place and the ones that didn't move to another then the deceased to another with sheets laying over them. Intelligence and other police officers were booking left and right. You had just finished with one patient when Jay grabbed your attention.

“Hey, Y/N! I need you over here!” He said and you rushed over with your bag. When you got there a man in his mid-20s was lying unconscious on the ground but breathing. You knelt down next to him and Jay. Jay was waiting to do anything to help.

“Sir, can you hear me?” You asked while taking a listen to him and everything sounded normal. You still hadn't gotten a response so you made your hand into a fist and rubbed his sternum. That definitely got a reaction out of him because before Jay could stop him, he had grabbed a knife that was in his back pocket and drove it first into your stomach. At first you didn't feel it and Jay was just shocked. You Felt it when the knife pulled out and found its way into your ribs. Jay took action and was quick to apprehend the person and cuff him. He called for someone to get the person off the ground and once they were gone Jay turned his direction to you.

“Hey it's ok. You're going to be ok.” Jay said as he started putting pressure on your wounds.

“Kelly. Want Kelly.” You mumbled out and Jay nodded and looked up looking for your fiancé and when he found him, he shouted his name.

“Kelly!” Jay shouted and that caused Kelly to look up and his face drained of color when he saw you on the ground with blood and Jay trying to help. He was rushing over to get to you.

“What the hell happened?” Kelly asked when he arrived and took over for Jay but Jay stayed close wanting to help his friends.

“I found a guy on the ground unconscious and called her over since she was available. She was checking on him and trying to wake him up and he woke up startled and took out a knife we both didn't see and stabbed her before I could do anything. He was quick and got a second stab in.” Jay said and Kelly nodded, not mad at anyone this could happen to anyone. He knew moving someone without knowing their injuries could end up making it worse for them.

“Kel?” You asked and he looked down and saw you staring at him with wild unfocused eyes. You looked so scared.

“I'm here, Angel. I'm here.” He said and pressed harder on your wounds. Blood was starting to seep out between his fingers. “Jay, go and get Sylvie and Gabby. Tell them it's Y/N. Tell them to bring the gurney and hurry.” He said and Jay nodded and went to find them.

“I'm sorry.” You said and Kelly looked at you confused.

“Why are you sorry?” He asked

“I didn't see the knife.” You said and he shook his head.

“Nobody could've seen it. You and Jay did the right thing in not moving him.” He said and you nodded and then you started coughing which brought blood and it was getting harder to breathe. “Hey hey, don't you give up on me yet.” He said and grabbed your gloved hand and he could feel your ring through it. He decided he needed to be skin to skin with you so he ripped the gloves off and your diamond ring was out on display for everyone to see. “We have so many plans, Angel. Don't leave me.” He added you so desperately tried to keep your eyes open and you were winning the fight but barely.

“Oh my god.” Sylvie gasped and both her and Gabby got to work. The commotion caught the attention of a few others and they were quick to come over. “Hey, Y/N/N. Can you hear me?” Sylvie asked and you nodded your head and looked over at her.

“Kel?” You asked, losing a lot of blood.

“I'm right here, Y/N. I'm right here.” He said and your head lolled over to look at him. Then your eyes closed and your breathing stopped. “Y/N! No no no no.” Kelly said and removed his hands and started chest compression and that kicked everyone into gear. Gabby put a pulse ox on you and connected leads to you and it showed a flatline and tears came to Kelly's, well everyone's, eyes. “Come on. Come on.” He said and continued CPR. About 2 minutes later your heart started beating again and he sighed in relief. Gabby started an IV and Kelly’s hands went to the puncture wounds again.

Everyone started talking and then you felt yourself being lifted up and onto the gurney by several people. You were moving and it felt like you were floating. Nothing was in focus and every sound was underwater. You were loaded into the back of the ambulance and then you were speeding away. Kelly never once left your side and nobody argued with him.

Getting to Med felt like forever but it was only a short 3 minutes but in those 3 minutes Kelly's world stopped again. Your heart was beating strong and then all of a sudden it just stopped. Gabby was quick to start CPR again. “If we don't get her back soon, her chances to survive are low.” She said and just as soon as the ambulance pulled up to Med your heart started again. When the doors opened there was Connor and a few nurses standing there and as soon as the gurney was off the ambulance you were being wheeled away. Talking was heard but you couldn't focus on it. Your eyes were closed.

“Kelly, you know you can't go back with us.” Connor said

“I know. Just take care of her. Angel, I'll be here when you're done. Keep fighting.” Kelly said, bending down and kissing your forehead and then your ring. “I love you.” Kelly added as tears ran down his face and you were wheeled behind the door. Kelly just stood there not knowing what to do until Otis came behind him and grabbed his shoulders and led him to the waiting room. Before they wheeled you behind the doors, they had taken your engagement ring off and gave it to him. He looked up and saw most of everyone there but nobody said a word. He looked down at your engagement ring and just started to let tears escape. He needed you.

——————————————————————

“Alright I want a quick x-ray and an ultrasound then I want her prepped and quickly.” Conner said and everybody let him know that they understood and then they were on it. An x-ray was taken and the tech froze.

“Uh, Conner. I might want to come and take a look at this.” He said and Connor rushed over.

“She’s pregnant.” He confirmed “Someone call Dr. Manning. Tell her it is an emergency.” He said

“On it!” A nurse said and was quick to get her on the phone. In no time Natalie was rushing into the OR, she was getting the ultrasound up and running and was quick to get it on you.

“It looks like she is 9 weeks pregnant and it looks like the knife didn’t even touch the placenta but it looks like it caught her kidney.” She said “I’ll stay and monitor the baby.” She said and Connor nodded and started giving directions out. The surgery was stressful but it was coming along great. “The baby's heart rate and breathing are great.” Natalie said just about the time your heart rate was beginning to drop.

“Heart is dropping and her breathing is labored.” The surgical nurse said and that concerned both of the doctors. Then your heart monitor flatlined.

“Starting CPR!” Connor said and he started the chest compressions. “Come on, Y/N/N. You got a fiancé that is worried sick about you and a baby to grow and raise” he said and you must be listening because after about 3 minutes of CPR your heart started to beat again. “Ok, she’s back! Let’s hurry this and get her into recovery.” He said calmly and they finished quickly. They had to fix your lung and remove one of your kidneys but you were going to survive.

——————————————————————

4 hours is how long everyone had to wait. Your team members, who were your family, weren’t going to go anywhere especially not when one of their own was fighting for her life. Kelly was a nervous wreck and he hadn’t even said a word since he arrived, nobody was going to push him to talk. Boden had declared him off since it was his fiancée in there and that considered him family. Nobody had come out and whenever someone had come out it wasn’t Connor and his heart sank a little more each time. The plans that you two had made and planned on making were running through his head. He thought about starting a family with you and the wedding you two were going to have. As he was thinking about it all, he remembered your diamond ring in his hand, it shouldn’t be in his hand, it should be on your finger. He took one last look at it and then took his chain off around his neck and unclasped it and slid on it, he then put the chain back around his neck.

Finally, Connor came out and he stood there for a minute until he saw Kelly and the crew. He walked over to them and when Kelly heard footsteps he looked up and quickly stood up. “Connor?” Kelly asked Connor, looked at him and smiled.

“They’re both going to be just fine.” He said and Kelly looked at him shocked.

“Both?” Kelly questioned

“Yes, Y/N is 9 weeks pregnant. I take it neither of you knew.” He said, reading the expression on Kelly’s face.

“No. We’ve been trying but not really trying.” He said and Connor smiled. “How is Y/N?” He asked

“We lost her once but got her back quickly. The knife got her kidney so we had to remove that and we fixed her lung. I’m suggesting a few weeks to a month off from work but she can do very light duty.” Connor said and everyone nodded, mostly Boden. “I can take you to her now.” He said.

“Please.” Kelly said and Connor smiled and nodded. He led Kelly the way and while he was walking past his crew, they gave him a chorus of ‘Congratulations’. They weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Kelly and Connor arrived at your room and he walked in and sat down on the chair. “If something happens, please grab one of the nurses and they’ll either page me or Natalie or both of us will be here.” He said and Kelly nodded “Oh and Kelly?” He added and Kelly looked up at him. “Congratulations.” He said and Kelly smiled and Connor was off. He was left there sitting with you and letting tears fall.

“You scared me, Angel. When I saw you lying there with Jay putting pressure on your wounds, my world stopped. Then when you stopped breathing and your heart stopped twice on the way here, it scared the shit out of me. We’re going to be parents, Angel. I don’t know if you can hear me but you, I’m so glad you chose to stay with me. I would be so lost without you. I love you so much.” He said and kissed your forehead.

Nurses were in and out checking on you and the baby and the crew came and saw you but couldn’t stay long and Kelly understood and he knew you would understand too. Kelly wasn’t going to leave your side for nothing and nobody was going to make him and Boden understood. He wanted to put your ring back on but refrained against it because he didn’t want them taking it off again.

2 days had passed and you still hadn’t woken up but that was to be understood it helped your body heal. They kept IVs running to keep you and the baby hydrated and it had some nutrients in it to keep you both nourished from the lack of food being eaten. It was during the night when you woke up and you looked around the room taking in the noise and where you were at. Then you looked over to your right and saw Kelly sleeping. You reached a hand over and stroked his cheek which woke him up and then when he saw you were awake, he was up with a start. About that time Connor and Natalie had come and smiled. “Nice to see you awake.” Connor said and you smiled and then grimaced in pain when you tried to move.

“Take it easy. You just had some major surgery. We also don’t want to stress the baby out.” Natalie said and you pulled a confused face.

“Baby?” You asked voice scratchy and Kelly was quick to grab the cup of water and bring the straw to your lips and you drank some and pushed it away.

“Yes, we did an x-ray to see where the knife had hit and when the baby popped up, I was called in and I did an ultrasound to confirm that you are 9 weeks pregnant. I take it you didn’t know.” Natalie said and you shook your head but smiled “Congratulations.” She said with a small smile and you smiled back.

“Thank you. We were trying for a kid but haven’t been trying very hard.” You said and she smiled.

“The knife punctured your kidney and your lung. We removed your kidney and repaired your lung. I want you to take it very easy for a few weeks and if you go back to work then it’s going to have to be very light duty.” Connor said and you nodded. He and Natalie went over a few things with you and then left. They wanted you to stay in the hospital for at least a week to make sure everything was ok and no complications and you agreed along with Kelly.

“We’re going to be parents.” You said and he smiled and nodded then you looked down at your bare hand “Where is my ring?” You asked almost panicked and he smiled and pulled it out on his chain.

“Right here baby.” He said and pulled it off and took it off and put it back on your hand where it belonged. You let out a yawn and he chuckled. “Go back to sleep baby. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He said and leaned up and kissed your forehead again.

As you fell back asleep you smiled and thought about your baby. The two of you were going to be parents and you couldn’t wait. All you could think about is how good of a father Kelly was going to make and you couldn’t wait. You couldn’t wait to marry him and raise his kid with him. The three of you were going to be one happy family and that was something worth staying for.

Tag list:

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@talesofreading

@docockschest

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cowboylikeyouu · 1 month ago

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🦾 WINTERHAWK RECS 🏹

@bl0ssomized asked for some winterhawk fic recs & i took that as my sign to finally sit down, go through my 500+ bookmarks and provide y'all with my fav fics <3 if you end up reading/enjoying any of these, PLEASE make sure to leave a comment on ao3, the authors deserve all the nice words in the world!!

about this list:

most of these fics are pretty popular in the fandom, so this list is more directed at new fans just joining the winterhawk paradise!! (there's a lot on here tho, so maybe you find one you haven't read yet)

mika/bee asked for little to no smut, so i'm not gonna rec any pwp works here (with a few exceptions). if you want smut recs, hmu tho, i got y'all

there's obviously still smut in many of these fics, but i tried to tell you if it's important/skippable or not. if you don't mind smut i obviously recommend reading it bc GOD these authors just know their shit, but i think nobody should miss out on the amazing long fics just bc they don't like smut :)

i put a "notes" section for every fic where i just yap about it and/or my feelings towards it for a bit bc i literally can't shut up about these two guys.

alright, i think that's all, let's go!! pls tell me if i messed up the links somwhere :)

50k+ words

Lucky In Love by dr_girlfriend

words: ~60k

important tags: no powers AU, oh my god they were roommates!, friends to lovers, mutual pining

notes: every time i give winterhawk recs to a new fan i start with lucky in love, bc even tho it’s an AU, it has soo many of the typical winterhawk tropes i love so much. PLUS: roomates. and lucky. and every chapter is titled “aw, [something], no” and i find that way too funny to not mention. idk it’s just one of that fics that gives me the warmest & fuzziest of warm fuzzy feelings and i think everyone should read it.

smut: even tho it has the wonderful, wonderful tag “not gonna tag every sex act just trust me there’s plenty”, there’s actually not that many. in my opinion, the perfect amount for a 60k, 21 chapters winterhawk fic. it’s quite a slow-burn, so they’re only in the later chapters anyway, and the build up to it is soOoo good. this is one of the fics where i know exactly where to find the smut scenes so feel free to hmu.

Like Real People Do by Kangofu_CB

words: ~67k

important tags: “i actually just wanted to watch these two idiots fall in love in a secluded cabin ok”; civil war fix it

notes: no one, NO ONE gets me like this fic, it checks like every single one of my boxes. perfection. not lying when i say it’s my favorite fic of all time. it doesn’t have a special premise or anything, but that’s the good thing about it. it’s just so… cozy. comfy. feels like home. i can’t even remember if like real people do is my favorite hozier song because of this fic or if it’s my fav fic bc like real people do is my fav hozier song, but i know that i never cried as hard as i did when i heard lrpd live and could only think about this fic. nothing makes me feel as good as re-reading this story, i want to eat it.

smut: yes, but only like 2,5 scenes. hmu and i tell you the exact fucking paragraph number or smth, this fic is literally engraved in my soul. thank you CB. some day i’ll leave a 2k words comment on every single chapter.

The Other Man out of Time by sara_holmes

words: ~97k

important tags: time travel, falling in love, clint barton centric

notes: okay, objectively speaking: this is the best winterhawk fic in existence. not my absolute favorite bc it makes me cry too much, but definitely top 3. no other winterhawk fic made me sob this hard, no other winterhawk fic makes me wanna curl up on the floor and cry for an hour every time i think about it. that being said: IT HAS A HAPPY ENDING!!! and a lot of stuff in between is SO sweet as well. premise is basically: clint travels back in time and fights in wwii alongside bucky and they fall in love. and then bucky!canon happens. you get it? you get it. it’s- UGH it’s so good. jesus. i’m crying.

smut: a few short sexy scenes i think, but no SMUT smut, and it’s definitely definitely DEFINITELY not the focus of the story. can’t emphasise enough how much everyone should read this

Hipsters get Remembered, Legend’s Never Die by sara_holmes

words: ~90k

important tags: millennial bucky barnes, awesome clint barton, recovery

notes: millennial bucky is one of the most entertaining things fandom came up with, and this fic is the epitome of that trope. love love LOVE. plus, clint’s really fucking awesome in this.

smut: yes, but only like two or three times in 11 chapters, easily skippable

Puzzle Pieces (series) by sara_holmes

words: ~446k

important tags: steve/tony, kid fic, emotional hurt

notes: if you don’t like stony this one isn’t for you, just skip to next one :) if you like stony: GOD pls read puzzle pieces!! the first 200k words fic is stony focused and has only pre-slash winterhawk, but even tho they don’t get together in this one yet it’s literally one of my favorite clint/bucky portrayals of all time, no one gets them like sara, it’s perfect. the stony/kid fic storyline is SO amazing as well, so if that’s your cup of tea, check. it. out. after that they’re a few longer winterhawk instalments, and while some of them are really angsty and painful, there’s always a happy ending. god i need to re-read this entire thing. it makes me wanna cry and throw up in all the good ways.

smut: some, but you can definitely skip it.

I’ll keep you safe here with me by sara_holmes

words: ~110k

important tags: kidnapping, PTSD, mind control aftermath & recovery

notes: ngl i haven’t read this one in a long time, but everything by sara is perfect and this one’s one of the most kudo’d winterhawk fics, so it’s basically a must read. everyone needs to read a good clint & the winter soldier fic at least once

smut: it’s rated mature, so no really explicit smut. can’t remember if they don’t get a bit horny tho.

A Heart Worth Loving by Kangofu_CB

words: ~82k

important tages: soulmate AU, no powers AU, modern bucky barnes, forced cohabitation

notes: GOOD FUCKING SOUP. soulmate au AND they were roommates????? beat that. it takes them ages to figure out they’re soulmates, which makes this equally amazing and frustrating, but it’s all so so worth it

smut: yes, at the end of it. you CAN skip it, although i recommend skimming through it and read the dialogue parts and stuff.

if you were a mythical thing by Kangofu_CB

words: ~75k

important tags: teachers au, kid fic, werewolves

notes: quick story time for this one bc i remember it so so well lmao: winterhawk olympic bang 2022, most authors had started to post their fics except for CB and i KNEW she had written one, and i was literally checking my emails every hour for days. and then she finally posted it and i already started screaming when i saw the taylor lyrics as a title, and then i read those three tags and literally had to sit on my floor for 20 minutes to calm down bc i was so excited. i remember posting like 20 stories on my private insta that were just me keysmashing lmaoo. idk but teachers + kid fic + werewolves is just such a BONKERS combination, and i can promise you’re in for a treat, it’s so so fun. 15/10.

smut: yes, but it takes some time to get there and it’s skippable

Adventures in dogsitting by Call_Me_Kayyyyy

words: ~53k

important tags: friends to lovers, dogsitting, pining

notes: another olympic bang fic, thank you. cute, fun, lots of lucky content :) good soup

smut: NO SMUT

Under My skin (series) by finely honed

words: ~360k

important tags: Steve/Tony (the “main” instalment is stony focused), PTSD, Life after the army, AU - Tattoo Parlour

notes: the “first” instalment is a stony fic (one of my all time favs honestly) but with a lot of amazing side-winterhawk, and there’s a winterhawk spin-off, that’s a prequel to the stony arc, so you can just read that first if you want. it was one of the first english winterhawk fics i’ve ever read and it always makes me wanna cry when i think about it (in a good way).

smut: they’re quite horny in both big instalments, but i would say the smut is skippable. it’s not un-important for both the winterhawk and the stony dynamic tho, so i wouldn’t recommend doing that

This is Not a Date, it’s a Kidnapping by sara_holmes

words: ~50k

important tags: Fake Kidnapping, also real kidnapping, Bucky Barnes recovering, fake relationship

notes: all sara_holmes is good sara_holmes, but this one’s one of my favs, it’s just so fun. GOD i miss winterhawk olympic bang 2021, this was such a blast to read when it first came out!!

smut: NO SMUT

Freedom’s Reach by dr_girlfriend

words: ~68k

important tags: arranged marriage, western/historical AU, slow burn

notes: aaaand another winterhawk olympic bang 2021 fic! pretty sure this one was my fav during the bang, like i remember hitting up a friend of mine and screaming at each other for like an hour every time a new chapter dropped, we were SO invested. very good soup.

smut: yes, but it’s a sloooow build, so it’s only in the later chapters. pretty sure it’s easily skippable

ghost in the machine by squadrickchestopher

words: ~75k

important tags: fake character death, heavy angst, ghosts, loneliness

notes: UGHHHH clint “dies”, becomes a ghost and only bucky can see him. touch starved clint final boss basically. amazing shit. painful shit. (happy ending tho)

smut: it’s rated explicit and it’s by squaddy, so i’m like 99% sure there’s smut, i actually can’t remember tho lmao

Barton’s Halfway House for Ex-Brainwashed Assassins (series) by Kangofu_CB

words: ~90k

important tags: the slowest burn, the mcu reimagined completely, accidental baby acquisition, found family, kid fic

notes: this one’s an ongoing series, and it’s such an amazing one, you can feel all the love that’s been put into this. you have to go through like 60k of slow burn before winterhawk actually happens, but it’s soooo worth it. plus: kid fic. kid fic’s always good.

smut: yes, but only in the 3rd part and the short pwp oneshot. easily skippable

something magic, something tragic by squadrickchestopher

words: ~55k

important tags: supernatural elements, vampire bucky, enemies to lovers

notes: VAMPIRES!!! that should be enough to convince you to read this fic!! and it’s by squaddy, it literally can’t be bad if it’s by squaddy.

smut: ughhh not entirely sure, pretty sure the mature rating is mostly for violence, but, again, it’s squaddy, so it’s very possible there’s some sexy stuff hiding in there.

Sweet Home Was Home by there_must_be_a_lock

words: ~110k

important tags: “i sorta made my own franken-canon”, christmas fluff, soft feelings

notes: i found this one on accident once when i wasn’t really expecting to find another PERFECT long ass winterhawk fic i haven’t read yet, and then i binge-read it in one night, and it’s honestly one of the best i’ve ever read, it’s so so soft and… healing. for both bucky and clint and myself. it’s really not as popular as it should be imo, definitely worthy of a place on the first page of the ship tag!! highly HIGHLY recommend checking it out!!

smut: yes, but skippable

10k - 50k words

Starving for the Light by thepartyresponsible

words: ~45k

important tags: magic AU, soul bond

notes: jesus christ i wanna eat this fic so bad. definitely my favorite 2021 winterhawk olympic bang fic, it’s just THAT good. need to re-read it entirely to make sure, but i think it’s in my top 10 if not top 5 fav winterhawk fics of all time. clint’s just so… beautiful in this, idk how else to describe it. and idk, it has a such a unique premise and setting, i love everything about it.

smut: yes, but skippable.

Historic Features by flawedamythyst

words: ~19k

important tags: ghosts AU, homophobic violence

notes: oooohhh my god, don’t make me think about this fic i’m gonna cry. it’s actually pretty fun and cute and fucking awesome, but clint & bucky’s backstory in this?? i’m ugly crying, leave me alone. premise is basically: they’re ghosts and haunting the apartment they died in years ago, scaring everyone who tries to live there out of it. then steve and tony wanna move in. it’s fucking great.

smut: NO SMUT

Call It What You Want To by Kangofu_CB

words: ~48k

important tags: modern bucky barnes, sugar daddy

notes: clint becomes bucky’s sugar daddy on accident without realising and it’s the funniest fucking shit i’ve ever seen, god i love him so much. plus, again,,, millennial bucky barnes. gimme all the millennial bucky barnes.

smut: 3 or 4 scenes i think, starting as early as chapter… 2??? i think??? pretty skippable tho, as long as you read like the foreplay and everything.

A Thistle Cannot Grow by ccbytheseashore

words: ~12k

important tags: kid fic, developing relationship

notes: AHHHSDJGHSKJDHG. enough right?? i’m always a sucker for some good dad!clint & soft!bucky content. this one’s so so sweet it’s one of my main comfort fics, can’t recommend it enough if you love kid fics!

smut: yes, but it’s literally only like 500 words of frotting, you know when it’s coming and you know when it’s over :) (it’s amazing tho)

Attachments by Lissadiane

words: ~22k

important tags: high school au, mother hen bucky barnes, clint barton needs a hug

notes: i KNOW many people don’t like high school AUs and i don’t fucking care. teenage winterhawk has so much potential, i love them to death. which is exactly why you should read this ;)

smut: NO SMUT

Outnumbered by sara_holmes

words: ~18k

important tags: kid fic, triplets, no powers AU, bucky comes home to new york

notes: another single dad clint fic, but give him 3 boys this time!! —> chaos. amazing chaos. + amazing bucky. good soup.

smut: NO SMUT

Once Lost (now found) by Teeelsie

words: 40k

important tags: hurt clint barton, on the run, self sacrifice

notes: hurt clint barton final boss. this was written for whumptober, so you can imagine how bad it gets. SO worth it tho, even if you don’t really love that kind of stuff!

smut: NO SMUT (pretty sure clint’s too hurt to have any kind of sexual thoughts <3 stupid stupid stubborn man. i love him so much)

The Best Worst Thing (that hasn’t happened to you yet) by sara_holmes

words: ~48k

important tags: enemies to friends to lovers, rescue missions

notes: if you’re into comic winterhawk and read their tales of suspense run, you should definitely read this fic. if you haven’t read tales of suspense, go do that now and then come back to the fic, bc it’s basically a rewrite that gives us the bucky/clint & nat dynamic we fucking deserve

smut: don’t think so?

skylines and tan lines by flawedamythyst

words: ~33k

important tags: no powers AU, coronovirus lockdown, long distance flirting

notes: this was literally my fav fic during lockdown, i’m not lying when i say i read this at least 20 times in 2020/21 lmaoo. it’s just such a fun concept; bucky’s living with peggy/steve, and their dynamic is so enjoyable.

smut: there’s quite a bit of sexting & phone sex, plus a smut scene at the end. doesn’t take up the entire fic tho, and the rest is worth it as well.

Behind Bars by sara_holmes and Behind Bares (On The Other Side Remix) by flawedamythyst

words: ~32k (sara), ~25k (amy)

important tags: prison AU

notes: sara’s fic is the original, amy remixed it and wrote if from clint’s pov (with quite some changes). i love both fics, but i definitely read the remix more often and prefer it, but i highly recommend reading both, they’re amazing!! clint & bucky are cell mates!!! and it’s angsty!! a little bit!!

smut: can’t remember what it’s like in sara’s version, but it’s only rated mature soo... there’s definitely one or two smut scenes in amy’s fic, but easilyyy skippable, only like a few handjobs or smth i think.

What do you mean we left Clint on Mars? by sara_holmes

words: ~25k

important tags: outer space, falling in love, clint feels

notes: a classic. falling in love long-distance is soo fun, and i love it when author’s touch-starve clint, so there’s that <3

smut: NO SMUT

A Christmas Miracle: Getting Lucky by Lissadiane

words: ~11k

important tags: christams, hallmark fic

notes: LUCKY!!!! i read this every single christmas. you should too. you’re welcome.

smut: NO SMUT

Dear Super-Secret Diary by flawedamythyst

words: ~16k

important tags: christmas fluff

notes: clint is bored and gets a diary (and the guy). a christmas must-read, it’s fun and cute and fluffy!!! one of the few times i will accept first person narration bc, well, it’s a goddamn diary

smut: NO SMUT

winterhawk punks in love (series) by 1000_directions

words: ~19k words

important tags: punk au, amputee bucky, deaf clint, ptsd, emotional hurt/comfort, recovery

notes: punk!winterhawk is so important to me I NEED MORE OF IT!!! this one’s such a perfect mix of happiness and angst and comfort UGH it just hits that spot.

smut: yes, but the fic’s still amazing if u skip it

Apple Of My Eye by flawedamythyst

words: ~40k

important tags: clint barton’s farm, found family, domestic

notes: FARM FIC FARM FIC FARM FIC!!! bucky, clint and wanda basically start an apple business on his farm, and it’s just soo comfy and awesome.

smut: NO SMUT

Alone in the Bitterness by Lissadiane

words: ~16k

important tags: no pwers au, nurse bucky, disaster clint

notes: nurse bucky nurse bucky nurse bucky nurse bucky!!! do i have to say more??

smut: NO SMUT

Team Spirit by Noxnthea

words: 17k

important tags: case fic, enemies to lovers lite

notes: noxnthea is such an underrated author it’s a literal crime. i normally don’t love case fics that much, but this is a ghost hunters case fic AND their banter is so fun that it really doesn’t matter for me this time

smut: NO SMUT

Reach Out by Kangofu_CB

words: ~11k

important tags: 5+1, a lot of sex tags, porn with feelings, feelings realisation

notes: CB’s smut always hits different, and idk, the +1 of this is just sooo funny and adorable, i love it to death. read this more times than i’ll admit.

smut: basically pwp, big no no if you don’t like smut.

Storms Within (Bridges Rebuilt) by Kangofu_CB

words: ~11k

important tags: star wars setting, force sensitive bucky & clint, crack treated seriously

notes: guys you can’t imagine my excitement when the notif for this fic popped up in my emails. luke skywalker is one of my top 10 all time fav fictional characters AND HERE HE IS INTERACTING W MY FAV BOYS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!! it’s so so good, if you’re into star wars you’re gonna love it!! (even if not, it’s by CB, impossible to not enjoy)

smut: NO SMUT

Draw, Breathe, Fire by FestiveFerret

words: ~15k

important tags: falling in love, flirting, banter

notes: haven’t read this in a long time, but i’m pretty sure it was like a perfect little bucky-recovering-and-falling-in-love-with-clint-while-living-in-the-tower-fic. he learns archery!! pretty sure they also adopt a ferret or something???? good shit

smut: NO SMUT

Hoist a Black Flag by Kangofu_CB

words: ~11k

important tags: pirate au

notes: ITS BASICALLY AN OFMD AU OKAY HOW CAN U NOT LOVE IT???

smut: yes, but skippable

Cupid’s Arrows by flawedamythyst

words: ~14k

important tags: office AU, valentine’s day

notes: clint dressed up as cupid, bad pick up lines, shenanigans. haven’t read this in quite a while, but i remember i enjoyed it A LOT a few years ago and re-read it multiple times!!

smut: NO SMUT

The Best Thing since a Double-Shot Expresso by sara_holmes

words: ~11k

important tags: coffee shop AU, misunderstandings, getting together

notes: friends to lovers final boss. they’ve been best friends (husbands) for years and literally live together, and it takes them an insane amount of jealousy and steve’s ass to finally get together. such a fun read, highly HIGHLY recommend

smut: NO SMUT

Habits of My Heart by Kangofu_CB

words: ~18k

important tags: Fuckbuddies to Lovers, no powers AU, grindr

notes: fuckbuddies to lovers with loads of pining will always be THE most realistic winterhawk depiction for me, sorry not sorry. this one’s extra fun bc steve and nat have been trying to set them up for months, but they’ve been already hooking up for months. it’s great.

smut: yes, but easily skippable.

In Which Peter Is Everyone’s Favourite Avenger by DestroyedConscience

words: ~25k

important tags: Twitter, everyone is gay, gen z humor

notes: look, this is an unfinished, non-winterhawk-centric twitter fic, but as a fellow winterhawk twitter fic author i just HAVE to recommend it. if u like this kind of thing, go check it out, it’s so fun :)

smut: NO SMUT

Look What The Cat Dragged In by flawedamythyst

words: 22k

important tags: Bucky Barnes is a cat lover, domestic fluff

notes: i haven’t read this in years, but i KNOW it was great. at this point just go check out amy’s account and read all of her winterhawk fics, she has over a hundred and they’re all great!! but this one has them co-parenting alpine, so it’s extra great!!

smut: NO SMUT

My Heart Will Be Your Home by dr_girlfriend

words: ~49k

important tags: soulmates au, single parent clint barton

notes: soulmate au plus kid fic guys, i repeat, SOULMATE AU PLUS KID FIC GUYS!!! BY DR GIRLFRIEND!!!! GOD i miss winterhawk olympic bang 21/22 this one was such a blast to read when it first came out.

smut: yes, but skippable

Chrome Plated Heart by dr_girlfriend

words: ~20k

important tags: pacific rim fusion

notes: i’ve never seen pacific rim and i still had a blast reading this one!! (she put a basic explanation for it somewhere in the story notes, so dw about it!!). it was SO nice to read a fic where they’re not heavily traumatised and just have a chill, easy getting together. really sweet stuff

smut: NO SMUT!!

Know When To Hold ‘Em by flawedamythyst

words: ~11k

important tags: exes to lovers, no powers au, cambling

notes: UGHHH i need more fics like this one, it’s so so SO good!! flashes back and forth to the time when they were first together and when they meet again and skjdghlksdhg my heart just hurts so much for both of them. (happy ending tho dw, clint’s just so sad in the present and it hurts my soul)

smut: yeah, the part in the present is basically just one big smut scene but it’s soOoOoO emotional and i always love me some emotional smut

Christmas in Colour by mariana_oconnor

words: ~12k

important tags: soulmates see in colour, christmas fluff

notes: SOULMATES SEE IN COLOUR !!!!! *swoons so hard she falls to the floor* top 3 best soulmates tropes i dont make the rules i love it so much. ESPECIALLY when it’s with a character like clint who usually has a colour he loves SO SO much. a christmas must read :)

smut: NO SMUT

Chaos By Another Name by shatteredhourglass

words: ~13k

important tags: dimension travel, time travel, friends to lovers

notes: DIMENSION-HOPPING TIME-TRAVEL ADVENTURE GUYS!!! why wouldn’t you wanna read it???

smut: yes

I Still Choose You (The Public Domain Remix) by mariana_oconnor

words: ~14k

important tags: soulmates at first kiss, fake/pretend relationship

notes: have a fic with two of the best tropes ever, you’re so very welcome. plus plus PLUS: demisexual bucky. as a demisexual/asexual/still trying to figure it out lesbian, i’m always ALWAYS here for any kind of ace spectrum winterhawk, so yeah.

smut: NO SMUT

the road rising up to meet me by veryrach

words: ~24k

important tags: pining, sexual reawakening, chaotic slutty clint barton

notes: MORE DEMISEXUAL BUCKY!!! AND HOT CLINT!!! no other words needed. read it.

smut: i’m so sorry but i can’t remember if it gets SMUTTY smutty. but there’s definitely a lot of sexual themes i mean look at the tags lmao

Showdown by shatteredhourglass

words: ~14k

important tags: fake/pretend relationship; fluff

notes: breaking my silence: fake dating might me my fav trope of all time. in this one they’re pretending to date for the sole purpose of annoying steve and tony and i think that’s the best thing ever.

smut: NO SMUT

Light the Spark by dr_girlfriend

words: ~26k

important tags: fake/pretend relationship, mutual pining, enemies to friends to lovers

notes: aaaand the next fake dating fic >:) the enemies arc is like 0.2 seconds, blink and you miss it, but whoooo cares, we’re here for the fake dating & pining guys!!!

smut: yes, but you can skip it!

-10k words

Wine and Pine by feathers_and_cigarettes

words: 6k

Important tags: Touch-Starved, Fake Marriage, pining!clint

Notes: this is one of those fics i always come back to without realising and it always hits that spot. like i said, fake dating is my favorite trope, and MISSION fake dating???? i'm in heaven

smut: there’s quite a bit of smut, but it’s at the end and even if you stop reading after they kiss it’s really worth it.

Over Easy by Lissadiane

words: ~9k

important tags: hook up gone awry, awkwardly crashing the birth of a baby

notes: need y’all to know that this has one of my all time fav smut scenes, i kinda know it by heart. don’t quote me on that, this is our secret. this one’s just so so SO much fun, i’m having the time of my life every time i read it (which is at least like once a month)

smut: yes, and it’s kinda the best part, but everything else is so fun as well that i really wouldn’t wanna miss out on it

The Love You Deserve by flawedamythyst

words: ~8k

important tags: unhappy family holidays, homophobia, family issues, jewish bucky barnes

notes: another must-read christmas fic for me; clint goes home for christmas to an uncle of his or something but they all turn out to be homophobic assholes or something and then bucky shows up to save the day <3

smut: NO SMUT

what you really, really want by Noxnthea

words: ~8k

important tags: pining, misunderstandings

notes: *blurts out* THEYVE BEEN IN LOVE FOR AGES AND THEN WANDA HEXES THEM SO THEY THINK THEVE BEEN DATING FOR YEARS!!! this is SUCH an underrated fic, it doesn’t even have 200 kudos like wtf??? SHOW IT SOME LOVE!!!

smut: NO SMUT

The 300 Club by Noxnthea

words: ~10k

important tags: no powers au, scientist clint & bucky

notes: there aren’t enough scientist winterhawk AUs so HUGE THANKS noxnthea for feeding us. i will literally haunt you if you don’t read this one, ITS SO UNDERRATED!!! AND SO FUN!!

smut: NO SMUT

For Everything There is A Season by dr_girlfriend

words: ~9.7k

important tags: crack fic, secret service agent!bucky, small business owner!clint barton

notes: crack fics are always gold and this one especially, it’s such a ridiculous idea, how could you not love it? always a very fun read!

smut: NO SMUT

Background Noise by Reremouse

words: ~8k

important tags: modern au, deaf clint barton

notes: MILLENIAL BUCKY!!! clint is bucky’s upstairs neighbour and extremely loud bc he’s well… deaf. lol. and bucky’s a night shift worker which really isn’t a good combo on first thought. but on second thought, these are clint and bucky, so OBVIOUSLY they’re gonna make a great combo out of it. it’s fuckign amazing. plus bucky & sam friendship!! good shit guys, good shit.

smut: NO SMUT

you didn’t hear that by jedusaur

words: ~2.6k

important tags: roomates, eavesdropping

notes: super self-indulgent rec, i always read this one when i need some cheering up lmao it’s just so fun and they’re kinda nasty and UGH. love. it explores the range of bucky’s super hearing. do with that what you want.

smut: yes. it explores the range of bucky’s super hearing in every way ;)

one more time by squadrickchestopher

words: ~4k

important tags: touch starved, hurt clint barton

notes: i don’t even know why i love this one so much, but it holds SUCH a special place in my heart. it might be my undying love for touch starved!clint who finally gets his well-needed hugs by bucky. there’s also an amazing podfic by flowerparrish for it, make sure to give kudso to them both!!!

smut: NO SMUT

the salt on your lips by veryrach

words: ~9k

important tags: kissing, an absolutely ridiculous lack of communication

notes: exactly what the tags say. it’s a 5+1 as well, WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED IN LIFE???? 10/10. i remember waiting for months for the last few chapters and it was SO worth it!!

smut: NO SMUT

Love Potion No. 10 by Kangofu_CB

words: ~8k

important tags: love potion/spell, not actually unrequited love

notes: i won’t say anything about the story bc i don’t wanna spoiler it, but i’ll say that i re-read the second half of it at least once a month, it’s just THAT sweet.

smut: NO SMUT

There’s No ‘I’ In Denial by flawedamythyst

words: ~5k

important tags: truth spells

notes: clint gets hit by a magic truth gun and can’t lie anymore. such a fun & cute read every single time.

smut: NO SMUT

The Name of the Game by squadrickchestopher

words: ~6k

important tags: competition, trash talking, feelings realization

notes: this one’s just so so fun, it has allllllll the winterhawk banter anyone could ask for. and i always love me some competitive idiots in love

smut: NO SMUT

Full Barton by aw_writing_no

words: ~6k

important tags: no powers au, cop!bucky, human disaster clint

notes: what the tags say. clint embarrassing himself in front of bucky who enjoys it a bit too much gotta be one of my fav tropes.

smut: NO SMUT

one more little mistake by shatteredhourglass

words: ~3k

important tags: clint barton wears glasses, bucky barnes is horny for clint barton

notes: these tags are basically the entire fic lmaooo. it’s great, i love nothing more than HOT HOT HOT clint barton and bucky realising how hot he is

smut: almost lmao (they get interrupted while making out)

my hands no longer an afterthought by shatteredhourglass

words: ~3k

important tags: getting back together

notes: i have a sweet sweet SWEET spot for winterhawk getting back togethers if handled well, and this one handles it soo well.

smut: NO SMUT

Five Lies People Believe About Clint and Bucky by EVVS

words: ~1.5k

important tags: established relationship

notes: this is one of those fics i always go back to if i have a few minutes and need some (bitter)sweet fluff. it’s exactly what the title says, some lies are fun, some are painful, and all of them just hit that spot

smut: NO SMUT

My Sausage Brings Alll the Boys To The Yard by flawedamythyst

words: ~1.7k

important tags: bad flirting

notes: this one’s so stupid it probably shouldn’t be on here but i remember how i was reading this in class for the first time when i was still in school and i was almost pissing myself bc it made me laugh so hard. very fun, go read it >:(

smut: NO SMUT

bonus for the freaks:

Filthy Porn Fridays by squadrickchestopher

there’s 18 works so far, it’s smut smut smut aaaand - you guessed it - smut. if you wanna see the boys fuck nastily, this is your place to be.

(delicate tension is the best fic of the series, it’s actually a roadtrip AU and not just smut, highly highly recommend)

alrightyyy, i think that's it for now :) this took me quite some time so i'd appreciate some reblogs or whatever!! we need to spread some winterhawk love guys!!

all my love goes out to every author i mentioned here, and every other author who's ever written winterhawk. you guys are my heroes, idk what i'd do without you. literally ripping my heart into a thousand pieces and giving every single one of you a tiny part 💜

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bad268 · 7 months ago

Note

Omg I just read your new kimi fic (with the chronically ill reader) and I love it so much! Soo literally anything else for kimi would be amazing (there's so little fics for him istg) but if its okay I'd love a figure skater reader (but like professional, world champion kind of skater) who's currently not competing cos she injured herself kinda badly (preferably smth to do with her acl but anything is fine) so she can't skate atm (like kinda Angsty but also fluffy, maybe kimi comforting reader or smth?)

Otherwise I'd also love same concept with figure skater reader and her and kimi going skating and like her teaching him or smth haha

Thanks so much in advance already <3

Go for the Gold (Andrea Kimi Antonelli X Figure Skater! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/F2/F3

Requested: Clearly (Thank you love! I'm glad you liked it <3 I may or may not have semi-based this on Sasha...)

Warnings: Drugs (pain meds)

POV: Second Person (You/your)

W.C. 1040

Summary: Silver will have to do until you can get back on the ice.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

As if finishing second in the Olympics wasn’t a hard enough blow, you landed wrong during a practice jump and made a worse injury for yourself when you proceeded to compete on it. Yes, it wasn’t your main jumping leg, but that did not mean you didn’t stand on it during certain moves. And yes, silver was good, but when you set a world record in your program, maybe you set the expectations too high when you expected gold. Your teammate ended up getting gold.

You just got back to your apartment in Italy after a medical appointment. Of course, you tore your ACL. And to make matters, worse, your boyfriend was out for testing all week. That just added salt to the wound.

Your parent dropped you off after you assured them you would be fine as you hopped up the stairs with your crutches in hand. You would not be able to get in for surgery for at least a week, so you had to suffer in pain for the next few days until the doctor scheduled you.

You hobbled up to your door, trying to fish out your keys one-handed while simultaneously balancing on one leg. Usually, it would not be difficult, but you were still in pain and still felt the effects of the pain meds. It was a little harder than you remembered. You finally got your keys out, and of course, you dropped them.

“Can anything go my way for once?” You groaned to yourself as you tried to grab them. Just when you touched them, a hand came out to swipe them off the ground as another hand wrapped itself around your torso and pulled you toward the door that you just now noticed was open. You looked up at the person, dazed, to see Kimi holding you up. “When did youtube here?”

“Testing ended yesterday, I thought I texted you?” Kimi replied as he lifted you, grabbed your crutches, and carried you into the apartment. He carried you all the way to the common room where he set you on the sofa and handed you the remote. You took it from him with a glare as you pulled out your phone to show him no messages.

“Does it look like you texted me? No. You didn’t,” You snapped as you threw the remote to the side as you opted to stay on your phone. “Would’ve been nice to have you with me, but no, You were here chilling while I was getting drugged and x-rayed.”

“I must’ve forgotten to send it,” He muttered as he pulled out his own phone. Indeed, he did forget to hit send. He wanted to be upset at the attitude from you, but he’s been with you long enough to know that when you get hurt, you get mad. It’s never directly at him, moreso at yourself, but that did not mean it hurt any less. He knew the best way to go about this is to give you space for a while.

So he left you alone. As soon as you snapped at him, you felt bad, but you couldn’t follow him because he left your crutches against the far wall. You had to just sit there in the hole you dug and wait for him to come back.

What felt like forever to you was more like an hour for Kimi. How did he know? Because he cooked you your favorite food (that he knew how to cook) as an apology. He went to hide away in the kitchen, so he could still keep an eye on you while also focusing on food. If you were still on the meds, you would be hungry after they wore off, he thought.

He was right because he peaked over to the common room when he heard rustling, and he saw you trying to stand up using the table. It was not nearly tall enough to provide adequate support, so you kept falling. He ran over to help support you, and you looked up at him with tears in your eyes when you noticed he was the one helping you.

“I’m sorry I’m being difficult, Kimi,” You whispered as you leaned into his shoulder and cried. ”It’s just a lot, and I didn’t plan on being injured, and I know I’m not the nicest when I’m injured, and I know I snapped at you-”

“And I know you’re sorry, and you don’t have to apologize,” Kimi chuckled as he cut off your rambling. Every time you got hurt, you would apologize profusely every time you snapped, but it became something he would look forward to. It usually means the initial pissy mood was gone until the (inevitable) next injury. “I made your favorite to cheer you up a bit? Are you hungry?”

“Are you a mind reader?” You gasped as you snapped your head up to meet his eyes. “Did you know I was craving it?”

“I just know you like to eat it when you’re feeling down,” Kimi consoled as he helped you toward the kitchen island to sit. Then, he went around to plate up your food. “It’s known to give you strength. Maybe enough to get you back on your feet sooner.”

“Oh, I wish,” You sighed as you began to eat the food. “This is amazing, Kimi! Who knew you could cook?”

“You’ve known I could cook for years since you taught me how to make it!” Kimi defended himself. “And what’s with the ‘I wish’? Something happened at the appointment?”

“Just that they can’t get me in until next week at the earliest,” You groaned as Kimi took his seat next to you. “Looks like you and I are gonna be attached, more than usual, for the foreseeable future. At least a week wait for the surgery, then a 9-month recovery period. Therapy won't start until at least a month post-op.”

“And I’ll be here the entire time,” Kimi comforted as you leaned into his side. He left a kiss on the crown of your head before whispering, “Who knows? Maybe you’ll get the gold next time. You’ll come back stronger than ever. I think this is the start of your comeback story.”

~~~ Part 2 ->

~~~~~

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zorlovinghue · 2 months ago

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Hiii just discovered your blog (because of TCF/LCF) and just had to ask - where is your profile pic from? And do you have any other recs like ‘The Malicious Member is Back’ because I started reading it after seeing it in your posts and am loving it so far :D

Hallooo! My profile picture is Do Seojoon from [I Became the Youngest Member of Top Idol]/[My Comeback as the Youngest Member]! He is the older brother of the MC, Do SeohanXD

If you're interested with this one, get ready to face how strikingly different the novel and manhwa is, but overall it's all good!

Other recommendations you might want to give a try to:

In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe

I'm a Genius Idol But My Passive is a Sunfish

Debut or Die

The Trashy PD has to Survive as an Idol

You might already know Debut or Die since it is the biggest in fandom too, plot-wise all of these have more progression while not very heavy to follow. With [I'm a Genius Idol but My Passive is a Sunfish] and [I Became the Youngest Member of Top Idol] being the lighter ones. I love all of them. Very much. If you're looking for a character with typical krs!Cale or Cale!krs morally grey tendency, then Seo Hoyun from [The Trashy PD has to Survive as an Idol] will be a good start to familiarize yourself. (personal feeling but this one actually got the best of me from how similarly coded he is, even the 'blackmailing'/'scamming' and 'taking advantage of someone but actually cares for them along the way' is strikingly more pronounced:D)

Surprisingly, [Debut or Die], [The Malicious Member is Back], [I Became The Youngest Member of Top Idol] are the three where the group is build up through Idol competition. While the others are making a comeback after trouble or more agency-focus debut-trainee if you did not want to go through another musings for who would likely debut in the end. Which is, fun and engaging either way!

[Debut or Die]'s Park Moondae is literally Kim Rok Soo in some unique ways.... But, hmm, maybe more of a reliable narrator in comparison? As reliable as it can be with his personality.

If you want different characterization, as in cute and adorable MC instead of the genius and cynical characters, [I Became the Youngest Member of Top Idol]'s Do Seohan and [I'm a Genius Idol but My Passive is a Sunfish]'s Han Baekya are remarkably some refreshing change! Where as [In This Life, The Greatest Star In The Universe]'s MC Sun Woo-Joo is more heartwarming. I think these three are actually the most mentally sounds and healthy out of others, which is sparsely seen these days.

Each of these recommendations is refreshing and is impactful in their approaches. And I personally eager to tell you that all of them are worth reading for!

[Debut or Die], [I Became the Youngest Member of Top Idol], and [In This Life, The Greatest Star in the Universe] already got manhwa adaptation, so if you need more visuals feel free to give it a long shot to go!

It's most likely that I'll missed many points considering it's been a while since I catch up, I strongly advised to take my words with a grain of salt and take a look yourself for a better judgement<3

p.s. If you want to have the Coughing Up Blood shenanigans, [The Trashy PD has to Survive as an Idol] and [I'm a Genius Idol but My Passive is a Sunfish] will give you exactly that! I'm not sure about the latter since I haven't read much but the probability is high! >///< if you want a character who's constantly in the danger of death then [Debut or Die] took it seriously with its premise lmaooo

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lurkingshan · 1 year ago

Text

The Ride or Die Drama Couples List

So the other night I got a little sassy on main because some of the girlies were complaining that King the Land is focusing more on the couple moments (aka relationship development) between Gu Won and Sa Rang and doesn’t have enough plot. Which is a very typical fandom complaint about romcoms that I absolutely hate, because in a good romance the relationship is the plot, people! It’s bizarre attitudes like this that get us random murder plots spliced into every other romcom for the ratings, and I am begging y’all to stop the madness.

Ahem. Anyway, that post seemed to resonate with some folks and get them discussing other dramas, and so inevitably @troubled-mind wandered into my notes and said gee Shan, it seems like maybe you should make a list of dramas that show us couples in a relationship and explore how they make it work and ultimately stay together. And I’ve warned y’all before, if you make a stray comment in my direction there will be a list coming your way. So here I am again, doing the absolute most.

Today I present to you a list of my favorite dramas that show you not only how the couple gets together, but also how they stay together. Criteria:

The couple doesn’t have to be together when the drama starts, but they do have to actually begin their romantic relationship no later than halfway through the drama’s run so that we have substantial time with them as a couple

The relationship development between the couple is a primary plot driver (so no dramas where there’s a great long term couple just hanging out in the background)

The relationship story may include some physical separation or even a temporary breakup, but not the betrayal kind–these are the sort that actually force an unaddressed issue to the surface and ultimately bring the couple even closer

Happy endings only, these pairs are sticking together

Ride or Die Drama Couples

Bad Buddy - Pat and Pran

(Thailand, YouTube)

This is tumblr so do I really need to tell y’all about Pat and Pran? There is a reason we all lost our minds over this show and it’s because we got to be in this relationship with them so intensely and see them fight to stay together despite it all. Their ending is bittersweet because of their families, but the show leaves us no doubt that they both think the other is worth it and they will always stick it out together.

Dark Blue Kiss - Pete and Kao

(Thailand, YouTube)

Shout out to the OGs! Pete and Kao originally got together in the Kiss series (you can watch it, but you really don’t have to, fam) and Dark Blue Kiss brings them back three years into their long-term relationship to give us a peek into their struggles with the closet and the toll it takes on both of them individually as well as the strain it puts on their relationship.

Flower of Evil - Hee Sung and Ji Won

(S Korea, Netflix or Viki)

Hee Sung and Ji Won are already married (with an adorable daughter) when this drama begins, and the backstory of their relationship is unspooled alongside the larger mystery at the heart of the show. One of the most fascinating and heart wrenching love stories I have ever seen, centered on a character who is so emotionally damaged that he genuinely believes he is incapable of love even as love pours out of him. Damn, I’m gonna make myself cry into my oatmeal.

It’s Okay, That’s Love - Jae Yeol and Hae Soo

(S Korea, Viki)

Speaking of crying, lord. Ahhhhhhh. Let me pull myself together. It’s Okay, That’s Love is a healing drama about two people who fall in love and support each other through serious mental health challenges. I don’t really want to say much more than that. Bring tissues, besties!

La Pluie - Patts and Saengtai

(Thailand, iQIYI)

My beloved! This Thai drama is about a pair of soulmates–or are they–who find each other and try to make their relationship work. That’s it, that’s the show. In this drama, the relationship truly is the plot, despite some of the fantasy elements being used to highlight its themes. La Pluie is about the importance of choice and a rebuke of romantic fantasies that fate and destiny will handle your love life for you. I and many others have written about it extensively, so if you decide to watch, you can go nuts on meta.

Lighter & Princess - Li Xun and Zhu Yun

(China, Viki)

I really love this show. This is a long format drama so there will be longer stretches where the couple still has not officially gotten together, but the relationship between them is the heart of the entire show, and we get the distinct pleasure of watching them fall in love twice, and the second time figure out how to make it stick. Such a treat.

One Spring Night - Ji Ho and Jung In

(S Korea, Netflix)

Oh how I love this quiet little drama about two people who fall for each other while one is still in a relationship with someone else, and figure out how to untangle the mess they’re in. We get to see them not only fall in love, but figure out how to become a unit who can withstand the harsh judgment coming their way and become a family on their own terms. Bonus adorable child alert!

Tomorrow With You - So Joon and Ma Rin

(S Korea, Viki)

This time travel melodrama is one of those that I started with no expectations and then sat up part way through and said what gave you the right to be this good! This is another one where the relationship begins for dubious reasons, but the suspect motives are quickly taken over by genuine feeling. We really get to live with the relationship in this one and the message is all about treasuring the life and time we have together.

The Rebel Princess - Awu (Wang Xuan) and Xiao Qi

(China, Viki)

I think the phrase Ride or Die was actually invented for them. Talk about a power couple. Once these two get to know each other (this is a historical so as per usual, their marriage wasn’t actually their choice but rather the result of some asshole’s machinations in a quest for power, joke’s on them though) they are in, baby, and their devotion and loyalty never wavers. This is a historical epic in war time, so the couple will be physically separated multiple times, but it only makes them stronger and each of their reunions sweeter. Their relationship is the heart of the show and the throughline in their chaotic lives.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? - Shiro and Kenji

(Japan, the ether)

Saving the best for last because this right here is the GOAT in this category. It sits at the top of my all-time favorite dramas list and I love it passionately. Because y’all? This drama is explicitly about a middle-aged couple learning how to be together in a long-term relationship. That is the entire plot. And it’s fantastic. Stop reading this and go watch it!

Honorable Mentions

Yumi’s Cells - Yu Mi and Goo Wong

(S Korea, Viki)

This one is not on the list proper because (gasp) the couple doesn’t end up together. I know, I’m still sad about it, too, even though I went into this drama fully aware of the concept (a season about each of Yu Mi’s major relationships). But man. Yu Mi and Goo Wong just have that something, you know? Even knowing they don’t stick it out, it’s a delight to watch them fall in love and settle into a relationship together. Technically there is a second season featuring Yu Mi’s next relationship (Babi? I don’t know her), but I don’t want to recommend it and you can’t make me.

I must also give a shout out to the bl season 2s that exist expressly for the purpose of showing how the characters settle into a relationship after the first season get together:

Gameboys 2 (Philippines, Gaga) - Cairo and Gavreel

Minato’s Laundromat 2 (Japan, Gaga)- Shin and Minato

SOTUS S and Our Skyy (Thailand, YouTube) - Kongpob and Arthit

Still 2gether (Thailand, YouTube) - Tine and Sarawat

Utsukushii Kare 2 (Japan, Gaga) - Hira and Kiyoi

And because this is my post and I make the rules, I am also doing some honorable mentions of the friends to lovers slow burns where technically they are not together until the final arc of the story but let’s be serious they are together the whole time and just don’t realize it yet so you know exactly what their relationship is going to look like:

Fight for My Way (S Korea, Viki) - Dong Man and Ae Ra

Happiness (S Korea, Viki) - Sae Bom and Yi Hyun

Hospital Playlist 1 and 2 (S Korea, Viki) - Song Hwa and Ik Jun

My Only 12% (Thailand, iQIYI) - Seeiw and Cake

My Ride (Thailand, Gaga or YouTube) - Mork and Tawan

Romance is a Bonus Book (S Korea, Netflix) - Dan Yi and Eun Ho

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo (S Korea, Viki) - Joon Hyeong and Bok Joo

Whoops you woke the beast @troubled-mind. @rocketturtle4 @neuroticbookworm @chickenstrangers here are more for your mile long rec lists. :)))

#bad buddy #dark blue kiss #flower of evil #it's okay that's love #la pluie #lighter and princess #one spring night #tomorrow with you #the rebel princess #what did you eat yesterday?#yumi’s cells #shan recommends #drama recs

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amethystina · 3 months ago

Text

So my brain is at it again...

And this time it wanted to inform me that it would be very interesting with an amnesia fic where Ga On loses his memories but can still detect emotions related to those memories. Just imagine the possibilities.

Quick disclaimer: I'm sure there are several amnesia fics in the fandom already — maybe even one exactly like this — but I haven't read them so I'm just going to tell you all about it anyway because, to me, it's a new idea xD

Anyhow.

Imagine him waking up at the hospital, sometime during the later half of the drama (maybe he got shot instead of Soo Hyun and complications led to him getting memory loss — idk, let's handwave it for the sake of the scenario), and he's met by Soo Hyun and Professor Min. And while Ga On can't say what their names are, he can tell that he knows them. He can't access the memories but he feels the affection and the trust and accepts that they must have been a part of his life previously. And, understandably, they become the rocks he clings to because everything is new and confusing. He can still remember how to do basic things — he could probably even drive if they put him inside a car — but not who he is.

And Soo Hyun and Professor Min are going to have a rough time explaining some of it, no doubt.

Like, imagine the pain when Ga On asks where his parents are and even before Soo Hyun or Professor Min say anything, Ga On feels a rush of grief and anger. Because he doesn't remember them dying, but his body remembers the anguish of that tragedy all the same.

Some things are more humourous, though. Like: "... why is my face plastered all over the city? Am I famous?" Ga On would be so confused because the emotions he feels as he sees billboards with his own face aren't necessarily good ones. He mostly feels embarrassed and self-conscious. But he is kind of proud when he hears that he's a judge. It must mean he's smart.

Anyhow. The real fun part begins when Soo Hyun brings Ga On back to his apartment and Ga On is like: "Yeah, this is familiar." But he can also tell that, no, it's not right. It's not home. It feels cold and stale, as if he's not really living there anymore. And he doesn't understand why. Because, according to Soo Hyun, he's been doing so since he was a kid. But Ga On just shrugs his confusion off because, all things considered, he trusts Soo Hyun more than his own memory.

Also, imagine when he asks Soo Hyun if he has a girlfriend and she looks stunned, then awkward, then shy, and starts giving some mumbled response that no, he doesn't — at least not that she knows of. And Ga On has an "oh" moment because her behaviour makes it very clear that she'd want to be that girlfriend. But then he'd get confused because what he feels when he looks at her is a lot of warmth and love, sure, but not that kind of love.

Because this Ga On doesn't have years of memories to confuse him and muddle their relationship — he just feels the emotions. And, from his currently pretty objective point of view, it doesn't seem like romantic love.

He may love Yoon Soo Hyun very much, but he's not in love with her.

He doesn't tell her that, of course, because that would be rude, but he definitely makes a mental note to be careful with how he acts around her because he doesn't want to accidentally lead her on.

And it continues like that, with Ga On trying to navigate the world with nothing but emotions to go on. Which, obviously, will sometimes become very overwhelming for him, but he's stubborn so he'd still try and, of course, do his best to recover his memories. And some start to trickle in eventually, but it mostly old ones that are very deeply ingrained in his psyche.

Eventually, Professor Min decides to bring Ga On to the Supreme Court. Not to make him go back to work or anything — that would probably be disastrous considering the state Ga On is in — but to see if any of it can jog Ga On's memory. And sure, Ga On can tell that he's been in his office before and he can tell that he's met Jin Joo before — he feels both intimidated and bewildered by her — but nothing really stands out. All of it is just like ghostly silhouettes of a former life he knows he must have had but can't see clearly.

And then he meets Yo Han.

Just sees him from afar at first — Yo Han isn't even looking in Ga On's direction — but the familiarity still hits Ga On like a freight train. That is someone he knows as instinctively as he knew Soo Hyun and Professor Min. And before Ga On can really think things through, he just walks up to Yo Han because, clearly, this man is important. Ga On can tell that this man is important because his heart starts racing, his breaths go shallow, and he's suddenly overwhelmed by such a myriad of confusing and conflicting emotions he can't even sort them out. Some are negative — even outright alarming — but there's also joy and fondness and longing.

Which just makes him even more confused when Professor Min catches up and explains that this is Ga On's boss. And said boss looks at Ga On with what he first thinks is bland indifference. But the longer he stands there — and listens to Professor Min tersely explaining what they're doing there to Yo Han with half an ear — Ga On realises that, no, that's not indifference. There's something underneath it — a spark of something else he can't name but can definitely tell means something. And he desperately wants to know what that something is. He wants to scratch at it until he can peel away the layer of indifference hiding it from sight.

He needs to know.

But then, not long after that thought has crossed his mind, Ga On is reminded of the fact that this is, apparently, his boss. His male boss. And Ga On really shouldn't be feeling any of the things he's feeling. But, at the same time, he can't just ignore it. Because this is what a connection should feel like.

He might not have a girlfriend but, clearly, he has someone he's in love with.

And that's a little daunting, not to mention disorienting. Because Yo Han doesn't look approachable at all, and there is also a lot of frustration and anger mixed in with the much happier emotions when Ga On looks at Yo Han. There's just so much. And Ga On is confused because he can't really see himself falling in love with the man in front of him. Yo Han doesn't look like a very kind man.

And then, suddenly, Ga On realises that he has no idea if Yo Han knows that Ga On is in love with him. Maybe they're even a couple? It sure seems like they could be considering the attachment Ga On feels. He gets impulses to be physical in a way he hasn't with anyone else he's met thus far. He felt comfort hugging Soo Hyun, sure, but this is something else entirely. This is a need burning inside of him, urging him to draw closer to Yo Han.

He kind of wants to kiss Yo Han, right there in the corridors of the Supreme Court.

But Ga On can't be sure because Yo Han isn't exactly easy to read and aside from that spark of something when he looks at Ga On, Yo Han is impenetrable. And, if they were a couple, wouldn't Yo Han have insisted on finding Ga On earlier? Even if they have some sort of secret relationship that Soo Hyun clearly isn't aware of? Shouldn't Yo Han look more worried?

So maybe they're not together? And Ga On is just hopelessly in love with his boss? A boss who, judging by the way he looks at Ga On, might not even like Ga On.

Whichever it might be, Ga On realises he has to find out. His old memories are already trickling in, slowly but surely, but they're all of Soo Hyun and Ga On's parents and stuff that happened ages ago. And Ga On wants to know more about his life now. He wants to know more about Yo Han.

And he desperately needs to know if his feelings are reciprocated.

Even if it will definitely break his heart if he finds out that they're not.

...

SO YEAH.

It would be quite fun, wouldn't it? If I can find a way to make the story relatively short, I might just write it. Because I'm really intrigued by the concept of Ga On still having the emotions attached to the memories, but not the memories themselves. So he'll remember being both frustrated by and attracted to Yo Han. But without all the memories and years of influence from Professor Min and Soo Hyun fresh in mind, he wouldn't understand the negative emotions as much, nor put as much weight on them.

And it would be interesting to see how that would change their dynamic.

Because some of Ga On's behaviour would still be the same — he'd still be stubborn, righteous, a bit awkward etc. — but he'd also be freer. And a lot freer to act.

So that would be interesting, I think?

And now my brain will hopefully let go of this story and let me focus on other things for a while

#Amethystina Writes #Gahan #The Devil Judge #Tbh I've never written an amnesia fic #So that would be something new for me #But god knows I already have too much to write #But again #If I can make it short #Then maybe #Because the concept is so much fun #Ga On's emotions are always a blast #And just imagine him acting on them with little to no thought behind them #The world isn't ready x'D #I mean #He's not going to go out and embarrass himself #Because again #He's still GA ON #But he wouldn't be quite as rigid #Yo Han would have the time of his LIFE

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