#it does look like ass. and the profits Will not even be that good. BUT ! our fortunes will turn come blueberry day <- famous joke with me

[itsalwaysdark]

itis very funny i post so much abt myself but i dont actually post that much abt what goes on day to day . mainly bc there isnt much but like. u guys arent even aware of mine and lamps current music phase .. crazy

[theveryworstthing]

7th Headless Haunting: The Invisible Woman

A ghost's appearance can change over time depending on the emotional connection to their former lives. This change is involuntary and inconsistent. For some, their form shifts to mirror the cause of their death, or emphasizes some other lasting trauma. Others shift into a metaphorical representation of how they view themselves. But most just look like their living forms until time makes the details slip away. Because if there's no one left to remember them properly, and they can't really remember themselves, that can trigger a disconnection from their physical past. This disconnect causes the "sheet ghost" effect, as the soul loses the shape of its previous container.

It's a sad thing, catching a glimpse of a soul losing their face. But that's part of the cycle of life and death. Everything changes. Everything fades.

Sometimes that fading is even done on purpose.

Morgan doesn't call herself Morgan anymore because she doesn't want to metaphysically dox herself.

Through the efforts of the most annoying woman she's ever met, she's become one of the most famous ghosts in the south. She did not ask for this, she does not want it, and every day she wonders how she could have possibly been charmed into a barely 3 week relationship by someone she had to politely ask to stop making tictoks in the crystal shop constantly. It was easy to blame grief and depression for the drastic lowering of standards but still. Good lord.

She realized her mistake pretty quickly, but then "Luna's" roommate supposedly kicked her out with no warning and a sick cat named Quartz. And past!Morgan, who vividly remembered how much being homeless sucked, didn't want her out on the street.

(Okay, mostly she didn't want Quartz out on the street. He was goofy and sweet and the knowledge that she liked him way more than her new girlfriend made her feel guilty.)

This was a mistake.

She opened her home to them. Payed for emergency cat surgery. Dealt with arguments over filming in the house and random strangers coming over for "guided group spiritual exploration" sessions that she wasn't allowed to be in the room for because Luna was "working". Scrubbed Luna's essential oil covered bare ass marks off of her kitchen counters. And in return, she got this woman inviting something into her home.

One night while Luna was out with friends, it came into Morgan's bedroom and left her head on the other side of the house.

She never figured out exactly what got her, but the dark twisted shape made sure to find her terrified spirit before it left, and she could feel its irritation as it inspected her. She wasn't the right target. Luna owed a dept that she probably didn't even comprehend to something very pissed off.

All this would have been bad enough, but none of it was really worth being a ghost about. She'd had worse relationships, and since grandma was gone, almost all of her loved ones were dead anyway, so she really should have left.

But what about Quartz?

 She was the one handling all of his post operative care, and after watching Luna forget time after time to feed him or give him his meds or even really pay attention to him when he wasn't serving as a cuddly toy to cry on or an aesthetic set piece for videos, she decided to hang around until he was either stable or dead.

Which is how she found out about the haunted house tours.

Luna had been doing this for a while. It seems that every place she had ever lived was "haunted" and she made sure that the internet knew about all the trials and tribulations of being so spiritually gifted in a world filled with such trauma laden souls. She'd been kicked out of her last place for having a pretend spectral affair with her former roommate's dead best friend, and when she moved it didn't take a day for her to "sense something..." and start secretly profiting off of made up shit about Morgan's grandmother.

But now that Morgan was dead she had a goldmine on her hands. The gory, violent, locked room mystery death of a fairly attractive woman wearing nothing but a low cut night gown was already pretty good, but add in the lesbian romance, Morgan's family history, and the fact that Luna's True Love had recently Saved her from an Abusive Environment and Certain Homelessness? Well, that's money baby.

Morgan's friends, bless 'em, had stopped Luna from livestreaming the funeral, and got as many pictures of her body taken down as they could.

Sadly, the fundraiser to purchase her family home for "spiritual conservation" was successful.

She had no idea that her following was that big.

She really should have checked.

Anyway.

Because of Luna she's spent the last 8 years being stalked by the living. Strangers pay to sleep in her bed and record the ambient noises of her room hoping she'll show up and talk to them. They buy books made of private poetry stolen from her journals. They demonize her dead family members and speculate on horrific abuse that didn't happen because "if you pay attention to how she dressed/read between the lines in her writing, there are clues she had serious daddy issues".

Recently, there was a shitty romance novel published based on her death, implying that whatever killed her was simply mad with lust and wanted to make her his dark bride in hell.

Yes "his". Her proxy was straight in that one.

And way slimmer.

That's a reoccurring thing that she tries not to think about too hard.

But the point is that all this mess keeps her from moving on. She just... can't. She spends all her time trying to sabotage Luna's grift as best she can. She exposes all the little tricks Luna uses during her seances to show she's not talking to anyone. She actively keeps other spirits away from the house just in case any of the ghost hunting gear people haul into her living room actually works (it doesn't but better safe that sorry). She never speaks just in case a recording picks something up and she's thrown away chunks of identifying features like her face and most of her tattoos so that if she is spotted, she's harder to identify.

She's spent years staging the most intensive anti-haunting she possibly can.

Quartz died 6 months ago and walked right past the entrance to the rainbow bridge to settle in her lap, just like old times. He tries to lead her away from the house a lot. Into the sunrise, towards her grandma's loud bright laughter and the bustling sounds of a family reunion in full swing.

She wants to follow him so badly.

She just.

Can't.

[bibluebutterfly]

Hoo boy. Now I've made it known multiple times on my blog that I LOATHE the whoobiefication of Vox, but lets get into why/how Vox is NOT a good person nor a baby that needs protecting and why he's all the better for it. Buckle up ladies and gentlemen, this will be long.

Now, why isn't Vox a good person? Easy. Because he (along with the other Vees) is supposed to be the bad guy of the story. Shocking, I know. Vox was NEVER intended to be a good person, and some of y'all just need to accept that.

Now for the long part: HOW is he not a good person?

Well, first of all, his literal introduction is an ad selling drones HE DESIGNED specifically for stalking,"peeping on the neighbors has never been more stylish"

Right off the bat, this tells us he doesn't care about people unless he can profit off them.

Which is also backed up by the point that he ADVERTISES Val and Vels "love potions" which are basically just roofies.

Again. This man ONLY cares about profit first and foremost, screw the people who can get hurt/SA'd by his products.

Next, he has a power of hypnosis which he is NOT hesitant to use. He can take away someones free will at a glance and uses that to his full advantage.

He's also very willing to give Val his lowest earners to shoot. Notice that he does so with no hesitance and no regret.

Also, (and most significantly) he's a huge, HUGE enabler. This guy has cameras EVERYWHERE, ESPECIALLY when Valentino is involved. He's got cameras in Val's room, Angels old room, at Vals corner of the club (which moves when Val does), there's NO WAY he DOESN'T know that Val is a r@pist.

And DESPITE that, he still sleeps with the man, is very likely in love with him, and oh yeah, FUNDS HIS WHOLE DEAL. The cameras Val uses are Voxtech cameras.

Val may be the one who does the dirty work but Vox willingly and knowingly makes a profit off of that. He doesn’t just know and do nothing, he actively HELPS Val out and obviously has no second thoughts nor regrets about it.

This is not a look of disgust or discontent, this is fondness. Genuine fondness. For Valentino. As a PERSON. Let that sink in.

There’s also the implications that Vox is jealous of the attention Angel gets from Val. Angel gets abused constantly by Val, Vox KNOWS, and still hates Angel because of the sheer fact that he takes up so much of Vals attention.

Not to mention the HEAVY implications that he gets off on watching people suffer.

“Well Vox can still do better than Val!!”

While I’m at it, I guess I should bring up the fact that BOTH Vox and Val are MASSIVE red flags.

With Val, aside from the obvious, he’s also a huge attention whore for Vox and isn’t afraid to break Vox’s property if Vox doesn’t pay attention to him. Yeah Vox gets frustrated with him, who wouldn’t be when their lover is throwing temper tantrums every other day?

With Vox, again, aside from the obvious, isn’t afraid to handle Val roughly when he’s mad, and literally screams about how watching his arch nemesis/obsession get the crap beat out of him is better than sex. Right in front of Val by the way. In regular circumstances, 9.98/10 that’s gonna get your ass dumped in a second.

Not to mention the mutual condescension ation towards each other.

And as much as fans (including myself admittedly) like to shit on Val for being a man child, Vox is literally no better.

Plus the explosive tempers.

Seriously. Vox LITERALLY cannot do better than Val. Vox is the only one who can put up with Vals BS and vice versa.

OH YEAH and lets not forget one last thing: VOX ALSO ABUSES HIS OWN EMPLOYEES.

This dude is scared of him, and it’s NOT because he’s worried about getting fired.

So yes. Vox is not nor HAS EVER been a good person.

And for me personally, I love that. I love that he’s entertaining yet awful. I love his dynamic with Alastor, and I love his relationship with Val even more.

If you’re wondering why I personally love Staticmoth, it’s because basic couple rules do not apply to them. They’re both toxic narcissistic red flags and therefore they can be as awful as they want to each other, and the other will simply shake it off. Yet there’s still heavy trust between the two (never being scared of each other) and they still have little moments together where they’re genuinely happy. It’s unique, and something I’ve never seen in media before.

Basically, if you liked Vox better when you thought he was a poor little baby being abused by Val, read a fan fiction. There’s a lot of them out there.

But people really just need to accept the fact that he’s an awful person. Always has been. He’s not better than Val by ANY means. He and Val are both evil pricks who deserve each other.

And guess what? LIKING AN EVIL CHARACTER DOES NOT MEAN YOU SUPPORT THEIR CHOICES. IT’S OKAY TO LIKE VOX EVEN IF HE IS EVIL.

But don’t go on saying that Vox was “ruined” as a character when all signs have always pointed to him being terrible.

[evilminji]

You know how in Naruto, Sealing is a Finicky Art?

It's like computer coding, calligraphy, and symbolism had a super-powered/reality bending baby. You gotta think in VERY ADHD twirls and swirls too be any good at it. Which is why the Uzumaki rocked it so hard. But I digress.

Is Complexe AF.

Bends Reality and is EASY to fuck up.

Wanna bet? The BEST way to learn/use it? Is to copy already functioning examples? But Oh! How do you KNOW they are functioning? Safe? Well OBVIOUSLY, your Skilled At Seals teacher looks at it first! THEN gives it too you!

Using random seals you find in the dirt is how you get splattered across three different countryside in peices, after all. Possibly take out a nearly Town or two while your at it. No One Is THAT Dumb... RIGHT?

Enter Stage Right o/~☆ Humanity, Everybody! *polite, if strained, golf clapping*

They ABSOLUTELY Are!

Especially Ninja!

Ninja who, after fuckin MURDERING A WHOLE ASS VILLAGE OF SEALING MASTERS, decided to pick through the rubble! Because THAT is gonna work out GREAT! After all... it's not like you just KILLED the fuckers who could tell you what IS and IS NOT functional!

Was that once the "hazardous advanced class' sealing failures" bin? Or was it the "super awesome candy and rainbows" stash!? You don't know. NO ONE DOES NOW. You fuckin KILLED THE PEOPLE WHO DID.

They had their own REGIONAL Sealing Script.

You know, the one they taught to THEIR STUDENTS. Not outsiders. The students you KILLED, you absolute fuck nuggets. But hey! The threat of the Super Scary Sealing Masters is no more! Good job. You've successfully burned down the library. It can't hurt you ever again.

But NOW? You have piles upon piles of GIBBERISH.

You can only VAGUELY tell the novice seals from the master's. And even then? Do you have any idea what most of them DO? Nope. And after a certain point in training? The shaky, uncertain hand writing becomes smooth enough, that it all blends together in "Seals".

Now... what is the SMART thing to do?

Curse your hubris and the atrocities your fear allowed you to commit, obviously. But BEYOND that, Don't Touch Them. But we're Ninja. So WE are all suicidal idiots. The less smart but still Reasonably Precautionary thing to do? Study the amateur Seals. Learn Sealing from other masters.

Crack the Regional Script and slowly, painstakingly, work through each seal as we sort out what is and isn't safe. What can be salvaged. What can be used and how.

A process that will likely take years if not decades.

But of course, that's not GOOD ENOUGH for certain grabby handed, power hungry, short sighted, fuck weasels! No, no. It much EASIER to just throw human life into the blender until profit pops out! Completely IGNORING, of course, that SOME of these?

Could very well be the "Too Dangerous To Ever Use/Will Destroy Us All/Take Them All With Us" type of Seals that Kage usually LOCK UP. The kind you CAN'T destroy once you've made them, because the fall out would be WORSE. And?

Even if you are a murderous, middle management, go nowhere in your life, BASTARD of a ninja? Sometimes you can look down at the massive, intricately detailed, killer off nation's before you. Something that was WRAPPED in locks upon locks upon chains upon seals. And KNOW in your selfish, survival at all costs little heart... You DO NOT want anyone to fuck with this.

You CAN NOT let anyone fuck with this.

NO ONE can be allowed to touch it.

Not for ANYTHING.

You may fear S Class Kage and Missing Nin and what all else they may do to you. But THIS? Your eyes can't even properly FOCUS on it. It's like a tunnel that's lined with poetry, stretching all the way to the Earth's core. It's perfectly flat. It moves, a gentle rotation. But is that just your eyes, tricking you?

So much ink, it swallows the scroll, and this is when it's COMPRESSED.

How many nations?

How many NATIONS must this monstrosity span, when free?

It must have taken a Master decades, if not their entire life, to complete. Possibly a family, several generations. But... but gods it is a work of MADNESS. No wonder it was sealed. It speak, you... you THINK... of Death...

Of it's KING.

Something BEYOND the Shinigami. BEYOND Death and the Purelands.

Who the FUCK would try to summon something beyond GODS? Did they think they could control it? Chain it like the bijuu? You're so cold inside. Because you KNOW. You fucking KNOW, the ambitions and arrogance of those above you.

They'll think they can.

They won't listen.

You... you have to take this and RUN. You stand no chance. But no chance is better then oblivion. Anything is better then standing by and watching it happen.

You obviously don't make it. You never expected too. But at least... at least you won't have to watch whatever THAT is... arrive... fuck...

At least you TRIED.

And? Because leaf Ninja, specifically certain teams, have the MOST Shit luck imaginable? They arrive, having crossed paths with several other teams, on the way back home (yay! Warm food and real beds!) Just in time to see a desperate looking ninja from one of the small villages get fuckin pincushioned. Drop what is VERY clearly an Uzushio Scroll of considerable size and SEVERE SSS+ DO Not EVER Touch Grade Type Markings, and then some joining from that same village go to grab it.

Notice them.

You know... the multiple LEAF NINJA. Who TOO THIS DAY, wear the UZU swirl on their uniforms as a mourning tribute to the DEAR AND PRECIOUS ALLIES they could not save. The Uzushio Allies. Those ones. The ones that were, in fact, from Uzushio.

LIKE THE SCROLL YOU ARE HOLDING.

By the WAY! How DID you get that Scroll? Doesn't seem like something our dear friends would just HAND over, now does it? You didn't happen to LOOT THEIR FUCKIN GRAVES did you? Cause we sure would be MAD about that!

:)

Real Mad.

Dude obviously panics. Because that? That is a VERY pissed off bunch of Ninja, many in the bingo book, one of whom is Very Clearly throwing off BIJUU CHAKRA. And just said "my family's" Ha ha... Oh Shit that's an Uzumaki.

So he decides to USE THE SEAL.

What does it do?

He doesn't know! But it's probably SOMETHING big and impressive, right?

Yes. :) Yes it Does.

*Crack*

The SKY cracks. Like a pane of glass, struck by a hammer. Spiderwebbing as far as the eye can see above them, all from one central point, directly above the seal. The cracks there are concentrated. A point of impact. And through the cracks... something GREEN shines.

Brighter then the daylight around it, yet darker in color then the blue of the sky. Lazily whisping out like escaping mist. Time seems slow as their eyes all whip up wards. Even with senses beyond the normal human base, it is... inconceivable. SOMETHING winds back. They can not see it.

But they can feel it.

Like changing pressure as a storm rolls in.

*Crack!*

Green overtakes the blue. The sky a Kaleidescape of shards, held together by stubbornness alone. Reflecting a calm day that seems IMPOSSIBLE in the face of what's occurring. There should be wind. Great pressure changes in the face of so much FORCE, but the trees are eerily still.. utterly silent..

Nothing dares bring attention to itself.

Some distant part of their minds try to gather the thought that... that it could be an illusion. They... they should check. But they can FEEL it. Like a weight draped gently but without mercy upon their shoulders. It did not slam. But... but they can not move. Can barely breathe. It is beyond killing intent.

It is simply...

DEATH.

*CRASH!*

At last, the sky gives way. A fist, the size of towers punching through. It... it is almost elegant. A ring, almost in the shinigami's visage, wraps itself in a howling and snarled menace, around a great shining finger. A glove protects almost delicate looking, claw tipped fingers. The fist pulls back. Shard of sky falling, Floating, suspended in their moment of destruction, a glittering frame for the gapping wound that has overtaken everything.

Death...

Death has Green Eyes.

A crown of ice and starlight, pulled straight from the coldest north, hair that drifts like the drowned. His skin is that of a corpse. His breath a coldness that seems to suck all warmth from the world. There is no rage, no great irritation, his face merely twisted in slight annoyance. Mild displeasure.

And yet it feels like their greatest sin.

It BURNS.

They are ants. Less then ants. He... He LOOMS so TALL. The Green BURNS into their eyes, into their veins, chokes their lungs. The silence stretches. Those great eyes, the eyes of a GOD, move from them. To the man with the Seal.

He dies instantly.

Shit.

They... they need to... to...

Naruto wanders over and picks up the scroll, completely ignore the Giant Sky God Of Death and how all his friends are frozen in primordial fear. He roughly shakes the dirt off the delicate old relic, then squint at it. Figures he's holding it upside-down. Flipping it, he squints harder. Tilts his head and hums.

"Oh!"

He holds his hand up, turning to look at the terrifying Deity From Beyond Comprehension.

"It's me! I'm the Uzumaki! But, uh, I didn't actually summon you? Our stuff got stolen. Which really sucks!" He looks down again, brings the paper nearly to his nose trying to make out some thing. "Uuuuuh, huh. Got it! Can you get smaller? I don't got any BBQ or anything ON me right now, but Choji's Family makes REALLY good food! We can go out to eat? Ooh ooh! Maybe RAMEN! You like Ramen, right?!"

"Yep, Definitely one of Shouta's."

Rumbles The Actual Fucking King Of Death, shaking the trees and ground under your feet. As you probably stare at your fellow Leaf Nin like WTF.

"Sure, man. Give me a second."

And suddenly? He's leaning forward. Shrinking and twisting in ways that are painful to look at. The sky is... is not healing, so much as UNcracking. Rewinding itself to a pristine state. Until only a large, floating, armored God in black and white floats above you. Glowing.

One that... that is apparently FRIENDS with the Uzumaki Clan.

Because of course he is.

Naruto's introducing his Toads. And teammates. You almost feel bad for Hatake. But like? Better you then me, buddy. THEN? Death? Decides? For some inconceivable reason. "You know what? Im'ma just turn into a human WITH NO CHAKRA NETWORK. Reeeeeally freak out the locals."

And now Leaf is INCHARGE of entertaining A GOD until he decides to leave.

Or (presumably) Else.

And!! Because life loves to kick ninjas IN THE BALLS (for their stupid, STUPID life choices, YOU FUCKERS) it just HAD to be the One God? That can SEE DEAD PEOPLE. Because it's not like ninjas have Death Related Traumas or anything!

*internal ninja screaming*

Feed the guy some BBQ! Stat! Please Akimichi! Save us!

@hdgnj @hypewinter @the-witchhunter @ailithnight @nerdpoe @mutable-manifestation

[olderthannetfic]

Re the maraudeurs ask: I think its funny overall that the Harry Potter fandom in general thinks they get to claim they don't support JKR and also pretend they are all pure and progressive now when they are just as racist as they have always been. And the race part is often glossed over in these conversations.

Drawing Hermione black doesn't make the fandom good when there are canonically black characters that are absent from the fandom conversations. people would give a whole ass personality to a non character that is Theodore Nott and write off Blaise Zabini. And I think this new series that is about to come out that claims that they are open to "inclusive casting" will try to pander to that progressive veneer of the fandom, because at the end of the day the fandom is the target audience.

I really don't subscribe to that idea that someone writing harry potter smut is not the person who puts the money in JKRs pocket. Maybe they are not directly putting it in her pocket but they are keeping the IP alive, harry potter name is profitable because it has such a big fandom. The Hogwarts Legacy game was and is profitable. JKR is screenshoting her royalties and putting them on twitter like a slap in the face to every trans person. And now even more so, JKR is not just a transphobe she's a white supremacist and a holocaust denier, but sure "Dobby wrote the books", "separate art from the artist" (never mind that the art is also deeply soaked in her vile beliefs).

I don't think we need to yell at people to stop writing harry potter fanfic but damn I'm am strongly side eyeing everyone who does so because ultimately they choose to look away and put their fictional escapism over the actual real lives of people who she harms.

--

HP is profitable because of its fandom, yes, but that doesn't mean its fic fandom specifically. It's everyone buying HP junk for their grandkid's Christmas present that keeps it profitable.

I do roll my eyes at its continued fic popularity, but let's not blow that out of proportion.

[thisapplepielife]

Written for the @corrodedcoffinfest Seven Deadly Sins pop-up event.

Not Just Sundays

Prompt: Sloth | Word Count: 1313 | Rating: T | CW: Language | POV: Eddie | Relationship(s): Steddie | Tags: Corroded Coffin Trying to Make it On the Road, Steve Back Home in Hawkins, Failing at Managing the Distance, Good Uncle Wayne, A Touch of Angst w/a Happy Ending

Another night, another show, and another missed phone call that he promised he'd make over a week ago. Fuck. Time is just slipping away from him. From the studio to gigs to party after party. They've really got a good thing going, and slowing down right now just isn't an option. Once the ball is rolling, you gotta keep it going. Steve will understand. Steve always understands.

He's good like that.

Eddie knows Steve wants the band to make it. Succeed. Even if that means Steve's been getting a smaller slice of Eddie's attention right now. It won't always be like this, Eddie's sure, so for right now he's gonna strike while the iron is hot.

He'll call Steve tomorrow. For sure.

A week later, there's a note waiting at the front desk of the next hotel. An order to call home. Eddie looks at his watch, but doesn't really have time to call Wayne right now. 

"Make time," Jeff says, as if Eddie had said that out loud for everyone to hear. He didn't, he doesn't think, Jeff just knows him that well.

"Fine," Eddie says, and drags his ass off to one of the phone booths in the lobby. It's cheaper than using the room phone, he's sure.

Wayne picks up after three rings.

"I had a boy here last night, pretty upset after not hearing from you in sixteen days," Wayne drawls by way of greeting. It's a condemnation, and Eddie feels it. If he hasn't talked to Steve in sixteen days, he doesn't even know how long it's been since he's called Wayne. 

Longer. Much longer.

"Shit," Eddie says.

"I'd say," Wayne answers.

"I'm just busy," Eddie says, and he knows it's an excuse. He could make time, he just hasn't prioritized it. Like getting out of Hawkins just spread his wings a little too far.

Wayne sighs. 

"What will it profit anyone, if they were to gain the whole world, but lose their own soul?” Wayne quotes, and Eddie leans his head against the glass.

"Are you proselytizing to me again, old man?" Wayne grew up with religion in a way that Eddie did not, and therefore can pull verses and lessons out of his coveralls pocket at any time. It's annoying.

Wayne sighs, "No. I'm not. Not really. But what good will it be to you, boy, if you make it to the top, and then take a look around, only to realize you're all by yourself?"

He's not all by himself. He's got Gareth and Jeff and Goodie. 

But he knows what Wayne means. Will the fame be worth it, if he loses Steve in the process? No. No way, and he knows that. He does. It's just been hard to juggle both right now.

"I'll call him," Eddie promises.

"It's not that," Wayne says, as if that wasn't the reason for his whole call.

"It's not?"

"Think long and hard, Ed. If you don't have space for him right now, if you don't want to make space, it's okay."

And Eddie starts to argue.

"Eddie. It's okay. But don't string him along while he waits back home. It's not right."

"What do you-"

"Shit or get off the pot, kid."

And Eddie laughs. They've moved from a sermon to Midwestern idioms. Great.

But he knows Wayne is right. 

Goddammit.

He calls Steve next, and he's not home. Which, that serves Eddie right. He doesn't leave a message, feels that's too easy. Steve will hear it, forgive him, and Eddie thinks he deserves to get a little bit of his anger. A little bit of his hurt.

They have a four-night break. He could run home. It's not that far. See Steve. See Wayne. Put out the fires he's caused.

Yeah. He's doing that.

Eddie throws some clothes in his duffle, as the other three watch him pack.

"And you'll be back by Thursday?" Jeff asks, and Eddie swears he will be. He knows the schedule. 

"Okay then," Jeff says, tossing the keys onto the bedspread, "go apologize."

Eddie will grovel, will beg if that's what it takes.

It was a long drive to think. The house is dark. He pulls out his keys and lets himself inside. It's kind of a mess, which is so unlike Steve. There are dishes piled into one side of the sink, and laundry sitting in baskets waiting to be folded.

Maybe he's just been busy at work. Picking up extra shifts or something.

Eddie dumps his bag in the bedroom, and no Steve there either. 

He needs something to do to keep his idle hands busy, and he starts the dishes. Folds the laundry, then moves on to running the sweeper. 

It's after ten, and still no Steve. Maybe he's staying at Robin's. It's too late to call her, she'll either be pissed or worried about where Steve is, so Eddie can't do anything except wait and worry that maybe he's too late.

Then a key's sliding into the lock, jiggling the handle, door swinging open, just before eleven. Eddie's been sitting on the couch in the dark.

And he doesn't mean to, but he scares the shit out of Steve.

"Jesus Christ, fucking hell," Steve snaps, clutching his hand to his chest like he's decades older than his years. Like he's terrified.

Well, that's probably fair. He spent his teenage years being chased by monsters.

"Sorry, sorry, it's just me," Eddie reassures, holding out his hands as if to prove that he's harmless.

He's not harmless.

He's hurt Steve, and that's a bitter fucking pill to swallow.

"What are you doing here?" Steve asks as he takes a couple big steps forward, barreling into Eddie's chest. He smells like sweat and, well, Steve. 

Eddie hugs him back, but feels like shit that Steve has so easily opened his arms, and heart, after Eddie's been so careless with him.

"Everything okay?" Steve asks, face presses into Eddie's neck.

"Yes, yes, I just missed you and I've been pretty shitty about showing that," Eddie explains, hugging him as tight as he can.

"Missed you, too," Steve says, "I'm glad you're home."

Eddie wants to know where he was, wants to know how he's passing the time. But isn't sure if he should barrel in and start demanding to know things. He's the one that hasn't been around, hasn't been reaching out, he probably doesn't get to start grilling Steve.

"I probably stink," Steve says, trying to take a step back, but Eddie won't allow it and just hugs him tighter.

"Love it, wouldn't change a thing," Eddie teases and Steve laughs, his voice rumbling against Eddie's chest.

He really wouldn't change a thing.

"Sunday night basketball," Steve offers, as if that's an explanation. 

"Yes, of course, that," Eddie says, teasing him a little more, and Steve giggles, pressing his lips to Eddie's neck.

"Mr. Clarke unlocks the gym. And the dads and old men in town get together and play basketball at the gym," Steve says, fingers digging into Steve's back.

Eddie laughs, "Mr. Clarke plays basketball?"

"Not well," Steve admits, biting him, just a gentle nip, and fuck Eddie's missed him. "But good isn't a requirement. Just gotta be outta high school and willing to show up."

Eddie should know this. Should know what Steve does every night, not just Sundays. 

"I'm sorry I've been scarce," Eddie apologizes, "I've been an asshole."

"You've been busy," Steve counters, "but I wouldn't mind hearing from you more often. Even if it's just for a few minutes."

"I'll do better," Eddie promises, and hopes that's true. Steve deserves for him to do better. Eddie wants to do better for him, for them, for their whole future, for their present.

Where he's a touring musician, for real, and Steve is playing basketball with Mr. Clarke for fun.

Eddie wants it all with Steve.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @corrodedcoffinfest and follow along with the fun! 🦇

Notes: Sloth was interesting to approach! Of course, at first I was like, sloth = lazy. Then I read this:

"Sloth becomes a sin when it slows down and even brings to a halt the energy we must expend in using the means to salvation."

Obviously, I'm twisting the religious take here, but Steve's his salvation, and he can't neglect expending his energy to love him.

[hoelandah]

This will probably be my most controversial Homelander take:

As a black woman, TV!Homelander is accidentally the most "black man" coded white male character I've ever seen.

My reasoning and analysis is under the cut.

Let me preface that I'm aware that the subtext and mirroring I'm about to explain is likely not intentional in any way, shape, or form. Take this for the speculation and art analysis it is. This is also not Homelander apologia.

Warning: includes discussion of racial violence and SA.

Okay so. I'm one of those people who thinks that the Trump comparisons aren't correct. It's dead wrong. It's the writers and marketing clumsily trying to advertise the show by lampooning the conservatives. So, just leave the Homelander = Trump shit at the door.

1. His Dehumanization

It's no secret how much violence and dehumanization minorities go through. I'm going to elaborate on the specific markers of black male dehumanization.

Throughout European history the depiction and treatment of the black man has been "animal" and all the connotations that come with that word.

Violent. Stud. Low intelligence.

Black men were literally seen as not human. The idea of a black man having personhood would have genuinely been laughable to consider to whites in earlier history. They were no better than bulls.

Made to work. Made to breed. Made to be owned.

Homelander, like black men, never got the keys to "humanity." He was dehumanized before he was even a thought. A product of a "bull" that was so called "good stock" (Soldier Boy).

He was raised in isolation and abused by his owners to be ready to make his owners profit. His body was never his own. He's an asset. A product.

2. False/Conditional Privilege

Cut now to him debuting as The Homelander. Homelander is shallowly privileged by his looks and celebrity the same way black performers, particularly athletes, are: as long as they do the job. "Shut up and play, boy."

These teams are usually "owned" by rich white men. The black athlete should never do anything else but what they're paid to do. If they just do their job they get the conditional keys to "white male privilege." But only if they perform and never cause a stir or "take a knee."

During this time Homelander is groomed, intentionally and unintentionally, into what he is by everyone around him who only see him as a tool. And Homelander tries to always be "valued" in the public because what else does he have?

3. The Predatory Black Man Trope and "Jeromes" and "Tyrones"

Note: this section is likely reaching a little, take it with lots of salt.

This next section discusses the whole Becca thing.

Let the record show that I know and understand that Becca was raped. Full stop. I have some thoughts as to how much Homelander is aware of the gravity of what he did since he's a giant toddler whose moral compass has been made to point straight down to hell but it's obvious he does not care about how much he hurt her.

The show just puts some weird ass ambiguity around the whole incident. They don't really go into the specifics, we can only guess his motivations based on other women he's "been" with. And considering he legit didn't understand that Stillwell felt nothing but fear for him and he has no understanding of relationships or boundaries and his love for dominance due to deep insecurity he could totally think, in his fucked up mind, that he didn't do anything wrong.

"She's just a human, who cares? They use me, I use them." - Homelander, probably.

I just want it clear that I'm not exonerating him or minimizing Becca's hurt in this next section.

Anyway, this Becca situation loosely mirrors the "black men, "Jeromes" or "Tyrones" as some racists call them, are predators that prey on or seduce white women and give their husbands mixed babies" stereotype. And Butcher's hatred for Homelander never seems to be for Becca's sake. It's selfish, singly focused and possibly includes guilt and a sore ego.

It's also bigoted.

Superpowers or not supes are kind of minority coded like the X-Men. Think of them as an intersectional category like minorities that are rich or people with disabilities that need less support than people with more severe disabilities. Like sure, they'll like fair better in the current system but

The rich minority is still a minority.

The disabled person with less support needs is still disabled.

Vought (the elites) more or less run supes and they are assets. Many of them were injected with compound V as children by greedy or hopeful parents coerced by capitalism so it's a systemic issue.

It speaks to Butcher's character that Becca ran to Vought of all places and didn't tell her husband. He hates supes that much.

Homelander is then kept from that son like black men have been separated from their families, even after black men were no longer forcibly taken as away as slaves they were forced away by welfare policy that would only support black women if they weren't married. It was more feasible to never marry your man and tell welfare you were single because he didn't earn enough to take care of the family.

And likely Vought would have continued the cycle of violence with Ryan if Homelander had not found him. Vought wasn't gonna keep Becca and Ryan safe for free, I assure you.

4. He'll Never Be A "Real Man"

Homelander also occupies that "never quite a man" category that black men are put in. They're painted as dangerous and virile. They're "men" when they're a threat. Yet also belittled and never afforded real manhood. A "boy" when they're being looked down on. "Boy" is a touchy word for black men for this reason. It has as much history and hurt to them as more obvious slurs.

Homelander is lied to and belittled by Vought ofc. He's denied true manhood like them but is made to perform it to a cartoonish degree that I would argue he's actually not happy with. If Vought exists, he will never be free and will never live in genuine peace because his crimes will follow him. Ruling the world would be his only option and that would only "fix" so much.

They made sure he has no real tools or skills to actually run things effectively (he's confused during board meetings and doesn't understand shit). He was purposely made too intellectually incurious and emotionally stunted to truly learn (he deflects and gets angry). He's actually surprisingly inept in some ways. His only skill is that he's scary and dangerous.

High intelligence and manipulation are usually put down as his skills and like sure, he's far from dumb and he's really sneaky. Everyone around him is the most morally fucked liar to ever exist...but I'm gonna be real: his manipulation is not that impressive. Most of it is just intimidation. Folks don't wanna get lasered.

So, he substitutes this denied agency and lack applied skills with hyper violence, materialism, flashiness, cockiness, etc.

A "thug," basically.

"Thugs" are usually just young black men clamoring for real manhood in a world that will never give it to them so they sometimes turn to these things in disenfranchisement. Sometimes they become cops for the same reason.

5. "The Boys," as A Phrase Makes Me Think of Lynch Mobs

This one is pretty subjective so take it with salt as well.

"The boys" is harkening to calling for one's group. And due to Butcher's hard on for killing supes because of his hatred with his group it kind of puts me in the mind of posses of white men that would be informally gathered (sometimes even aided by law enforcement) to enact "retribution" on black men and boys "who have stepped out of line." See Emmet Till.

"Round up the boys, we're gonna hang us a..."

You know the rest.

If Butcher was fully depicted as the morally fucked protag he is in the comics this wouldn't bother me, thematically it would fit. But they hedge on Butcher's morality a little, making him less of a genuine bastard and more like someone with lapsed judgment or faculties who's the "lesser of two evils" so it's just uncomfortable.

Anyway, that's it. I'm just fascinated by the unintentional mirroring. This is likely why, even though Homelander is who he is, women, queer people and POC have a complex love/fascination for him. The only thing that makes him so hard to sympathize with is that his crimes are particularly abhorrent and physically he's more powerful than anyone else and a genuine threat.

I've never been so afraid to hit "Post" in my LIFE.

[livwritesstuff]

for @steddie-week day 7 (a day late bc sunday errands got a lil out of control)

this is a sneak peek of an upcoming fic (vibe is slow burn TV co-stars Steddie feat. denial of feelings, a betrayal, and chaotic misuse of social media) and I am Very Excited (that being said pls don't ask about a timeline bc I don't have a clue 😅)

tags: modern day, famous au, actor!steve, actor/singer!eddie, pre-relationship, fake dating (kind of)

The real point of no return in all this, Eddie knows, was the call with PR.

It – as in, having a little fun with the ridiculous dating rumors about him and Steve that had started floating around early on during the press tour for the TV show they'd filmed together last year – was all just a fun little joke until he woke up to a GCal invite in his inbox from the studio’s PR team and ended up on a thirty minute call where a bunch of random suits with fake-ass smiles laughed and said wouldn’t it be funny – wouldn’t it be a goddamn laugh-riot – if you guys played into the rumors? Just for the press tour?

(Just while we can profit off it?)

Yeah. Eddie knows the real motive here but his sense of self-preservation is, like, broken or something (defective at the very least) and he’s always down for a spectacle, so the second he sees Steve nodding his agreement, he agrees too.

It takes less than an hour for PR to send out an updated press schedule, one that now had Eddie paired with Steve at basically every opportunity, which…Eddie feels torn two ways about because, like, it’s an ensemble show. He’d actually really like to do some of this press stuff with Robin and Nancy too. On the other hand, all jokes aside, Eddie does have a pretty pathetic crush on Steve Harrington, so he sort of wants to clock all the hours with him as he can before the show comes out and all this comes to an end, when their paths will separate once again and remain that way probably forever (or until the show gets renewed for a second season, but that’ll be up in the air for a while).

And yes, Eddie sees the irony in the situation. Look – it’s not like he wanted to have a crush on this guy.

Their characters are practically brothers, and Eddie had been on enough sets to know that coming off a project even just being friends with castmates isn’t a walk in the park in and of itself.

Sure, Harrington’s cute – Eddie had noticed it the second they met, but he’d noticed it in kind of a clinical, detached way, like how he could hold an opinion on how good-looking one girl is from the next even if it didn’t do anything for him. He knew that Steve’s a good-looking dude, but more importantly, he’s an honest-to-god good person. Eddie wasn’t even thinking about being anything other than Steve’s friend because he could recognize the kind of privilege that alone is.

So, yeah. No crush on Steve Harrington in sight – not in the beginning, anyway, and not during the entire filming process. Then they started to film all the promo material, and the press tour had kicked off with an eight hour press junket, and after that very first interview (a fifteen minute sit-down with an entertainment talk show), Eddie had turned and asked Steve if he’d fucked up at all (because this is first time on a project big enough to have a real press tour and, seriously, he had no goddamn context for how any of this shit was supposed to go). Steve had just smiled and kicked his ankle and told him he did good and to stop worrying.

And something about that – the little kick to his ankle – had Eddie’s heart turning over like he was part of those trashy romance novels he outright refused to pick up (even though he’d put in a fair bit of time ogling the men on the covers as a horny, closeted teenager).

Oh, fuck, he’d remembered thinking.

Stop it, he’d tried to tell his heart or his brain or whoever else could be responsible for the feelings that were creeping in.

But it was already too late.

It only took a couple hours after the call with PR for Eddie to wonder if he might have made a mistake.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Eddie asked after scrolling through a thread of comments on a clip of an interview that made its way over to TikTok (the thread started with i’ve never seen steve look at anyone like that before and he stopped scrolling after won’t waste my time watching now with an anxious feeling swirling in his gut).

“Huh?” Steve blinked at him.

“I mean,” he paused, “Not every straight guy would be cool with the whole world thinking there’s something going on between him and his gay coworker.”

And Steve had merely shrugged.

“I really don’t think the whole world is tuning into the press tour for some nerdy doomsday show,” he had replied, and then he’d added, “And whoever said I’m straight?”

As if that hadn’t blown Eddie’s whole goddamn mind.

So…fuck it. What’s the worst that could happen?

[amalaeus]

Kylar/Robin/Sydney/Whitney HCs

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kylar

Kylar V. Tepes

Black curly hair, the fringe is longer at the back because that boy does not maintain his damn looks for shit

Neon/Bright Green eyes

5"4

Malnourished twink-twunk (Becomes a twunk-hunk after PC rehabilitates their ass)

Excels in Science + Art, shit in everything else

Surprisingly really good at fighting, nerfed by their malnutrition

Unkempt, but does bathe everyday like a normal person

Clothing preference: Black hoodie and jeans/skirt, that's it.

Submissive, but once you get their breeding kink going they WILL top TOP you (Not exactly be a hard dom, but would get on top and try their best)

Rich RICH, could live off of his inheritance for a solid 50 years or so after his parents' incapacitance

On that note, would probably get along with Mickey (1 computer with 6 monitors? Implies that Kylar has surveillance over the city)(Definitely make a profit off of it)

V O Y E U R, breeder/bred, sub-leaning SWITCH, overstimulation kink

Older!Kylar or a Kylar with more Whitney influence would have neon green peekaboo highlight and a rattail (the Furina from Genshi impact kind)

Older Kylar, or Kylar currently would definitely get a Prince Albert if PC asked.

Robin

Robin O. Campbell

Fluffy brown hair, Blue eyes, KPOP looking ass hair (see image)

Twink

Average in school, only gets up to slightly above average at high confidence

Gaming + Anime addict (if the crossdressing isn't enough of an indicator-)

This is crack but, imagine if they were s illegitimate child of royalty- (Never gets a proper job even after going through Bailey, stays a virgin despite the brothel??)(They also has a $400 console in the early game, I doubt they'd have been able to save very much because he already starts out with $2k rent, they're definitely getting sponsored somewhere)(Would explain why they're protected but not fully)

Childhood friends with PC

Has been paying Bailey's fine longer than PC has

Older than PC by a few months-1 year

Trained in using a taser, brings a taser around

Vanilla, but a huge somniphiliac

Sydney

Sydney J. Hyde (Goes by Sydney Jekyll pure, Sydney Hyde corrupted)

Has Coloboma, hence the need for glasses

Twunk-Hunk (From cloister + all the church chores)

Great in school, honors/exempted from classes

Writer, both on people and the actual hobby

Would write sacraments, then moved to the carnality of PC's temptation

Adept in combat, like, scarily good at it (cloister)

Best/Favorite subject's English

Clothing preference: All 3 academia aesthetics: Dark, Light and Messy

Good singer, Corrupted!Sydney is very into Hozier, Faithful!Sydney only listens to church songs (The classical ones)

Corrupt!Sydney is just them letting loose all that repressed lust, or breaking out of whatever bullshit hypnosis Harper put them through

Masochist, DOMINANT, overstimulation kink, dom + top leaning SWITCH

Whitney

Last name HC TBA LMAO

Twunk-Hunk (hunk-leaning)

Lowkey gymrat (does it for looks)

Pierced lobes, upper lobes and helixes (Only wears earrings on one ear)

Dirty blonde hair, brown eyes

M!Whitney sounds like Bakugou but shouts less

Actually excels in school and academia, only held back because they missed too much class

Can fight, but unlike Kylar and Sydney, they wouldn't kill (sure being tossed into the underground brothel is as good as being dead, but I don't think they fathomed what happens in the underground brothel until they were kidnapped instead)

Their whole schtick is more or less just them letting out their frustrations with life, his connection to the underworld is shallow at best (due to the kidnapper switching it up so fast in the dismissal event)

VERY SELF CENTERED, VERY NARCISSISTIC

Honestly? The ultimate tsundere, genuinely thinks that the shit he does is how to be popular and get bitches

EXHIBITIONIST, VOYEUR, ORAL FIXATION, DOMINANT SWITCH, humiliation kink (giving), public sex enthusiast, pillow princess

[suffarustuffaru]

why the emilia camp thinks otto is their most threatening member 👍

i see some people being confused on why the emilia camp collectively seems to agree that otto is the biggest threat there for some reason and like. yeah. i get it.

but let me explain real quick why i think it makes sense for the emilia camp to think that :O !!

otto though is disarming because. well okay look at him he doesnt look threatening at all. he has the looks and personality of a wet cat. hes whiny. hes cringe fail. he gets stressed out with paperwork. he looks like you could just smack him around like a bug. he HAS been smacked around like a bug. but that makes him unpredictable because apart from roswaal, he is the Most Amoral one there. you can expect roswaal to be trying some shit, but youd never know when to expect otto is planning something. his moral compass is just “does this benefit me or my loved ones in some way? if not, then its gonna be gone 🥺”.

sure, he does nice things sometimes out of the goodness of his heart. he genuinely means well a lot of the time.

but also then you read the shit hes thinking in his internal dialogue and its like.

“should i go save some girl i dont even know from bandits??? hmm lemme think for a couple minutes. im the only one that can help rn… some guy claiming to be her dad is begging me to help his daughter, but also hes kind of annoying… but i dont even live in this city so why should i help… or Care. actually. but i feel kinda bad about this girl… but also this is gonna put me and my profits in danger… but if i reject helping then im forever gonna be known as the guy who abandoned them and then i wont be able to make any sales in this city anymore :<<<< …��anyway im gonna help them then lol im so smart.” and then he gets captured by the exact same bandits anyway so hes like “well okay now me and this girl might be sold into slavery so i might as well save both of us or ill feel bad ☝️☝️”

(yes. yes this is genuinely ottos thought process if you read through the Otto's Bittersweet Peddling Log side story.)

except all the back and forth Calculation he does in his head Stays In His Head and doesnt match up with his outward appearance most of the time. which means that sometimes his words dont match up with his actions. “dont be surprised if i leave at the first sign of danger,” he says, right after risking his life and writing a suicide note over a dude hes known for like four days. “ahah thanks for giving me a vacation to see my family…” he says, damn well knowing he cant go back home yet otherwise he’ll get sniped by assassins. “im gonna give you some of my own money bounty money to help you BUT BUT BUT DONT THINK THAT IM NICE OR ANYTHING I NEED MOST OF THE MONEY FOR REPAIRS OK YOU CAN ONLY HAVE A BIT :<<<“

this also means that whenever otto says or does something Particularly Questionable, all his friends are still kinda blindsided by it because otherwise otto seems Mostly Fine in comparison to whatever the hell everyone else has going on. hes just a wet pathetic cat of a guy ahah. theres nothing more going on with h—

“if everyone in vollachia dies but rem and natsuki-san live, then we’ve won. if everyone in vollachia lives but rem and natsuki-san die, then we’ve lost.”

um otto can you repeat that. what the fuck did you just say.

otto looks Mostly Normal, Just Stressed Out or Somewhat Chilling the vast majority of the time, and then he whacks you over the head with a steel chair. like can you imagine being garfiel and learning that this pathetic rag of a man is actually pretty brave when it counts. youre like “oh cool lol we kinda beat each others asses and i was Annoyed but now that thats all over i got some newfound respect for you!!” and then you read through his diary and hes got a suicide note in there, which is like. okay fine whatever hes kind of a clown just like my New Captain lol but hes dedicated to his friends, ill give him that. and then a year later you find your now brother figure (whos also lowkey highkey an alcoholic) with a broken hand after punching a wall because he couldnt do his Lets Abandon 50 Million People Plan and youre just sitting there going

and okay dont get me wrong—subaru is Batshit Crazy. in Multiple Incomprehensible Ways. if the emilia camp (or Anyone. At All.) knew about all the shit hes done and been through with rbd, subaru would INSTANTLY be skyrocketing up the Most Threatening People list. but at the same time subarus less threatening than otto in the sense that subarus Always going to want to do good. hes Always going to want to save everyone. hes Extremely forgiving, on top of that. he goes along picking up friends everywhere he goes in his own Incomprehensible Unhinged Way and hes fond of All of them.

otto? yeah his opinion of you could shift on a dime and you could end up in his personal shit list unless youre one of the *checks list* *clears throat* maybe like ten people he cares about. and even if youre on the I Care About You! :) list, he could still get pissed enough at you to, i dont know, punch a wall over you? and spiral into obsession? and even if hes not upset at you hes still gonna mansplain manipulate malewife his way to his goals <33

and yeah of course subaru is also Mansplain Manipulate and Gaslight Gatekeep but at least he has way more good intentions AND his attitude about it is gonna be like "sorry :<<< i just gotta do this for your sake :<<<<<< :((( haha dont worry about it". subaru would never ever want to do anything big to hurt his loved ones (except for rbd). while otto doesnt even bat an eye. everyone can be manipulated if he has to. he goes down his list of Things I Need To Do and goes "yeah that had to be done. oh well. anyway i got more shit to do (like maybe kill a toddler lol)"

also lets talk about roswaal's perspective really quick. post-arc 4 hes like "well subaru-kun is always gonna want to save everyone and hes doing a pretty good job of things in general so whatever lol. i can still keep him in check by killing everyone if even one of his friends dies :)". so its like. YEAH subarus an Unhinged Wildcard. roswaal knows that. but right now subaru is more predictable and also again, roswaal knows he can keep subaru in check by making subaru have to reset if roswaal really needs to.

but otto? yeah ottos second in line for being an Unhinged Wildcard. but whats even worse is that otto is Basically Subaru but More Calculating and with a moral backbone thats Near Nonexistent. roswaal was genuinely concerned for otto in arc 8 for once and there was still Literally No Stopping Otto from being a stubborn little shit whos hell bent on all the maladjusted insane mentalities hes got floating around in his head, half of which he doesnt even say out loud, and all of which he thinks is Completely Right and that theres Nothing Wrong with what hes doing.

and also otto being underestimated and Not In The Tome was a big help as to how subaru got the win over roswaal in arc 4 👍and then otto Continues to try keeping an eye on roswaal after arc 4, to the point of getting roswaal's tome and actively trying to investigate roswaal's actions, so roswaal is Very Aware that otto is. a bit of a threat. roswaal of course is smarter and more powerful than otto though, but that still doesnt change the fact that otto is still capable of being a threat if roswaal doesnt Also kind of keep an eye on otto back. because roswaal kind of lost to otto already in arc 4!!

but okay, on top of all of this, no one knows the full extent of whats going on with otto, not even roswaal (though he has his Suspicions), and most definitely not subaru yet (whos Still a bit of an otto apologist anyway), and otto is already a bit menacing even without knowing All of that. and the rest of the emilia camp are already a bit more lenient with roswaal (as hes seemingly chilled out after arc 4 + they all need him still). that, and you can easily Expect roswaal post-arc 4 to be suspicious and Probably up to something. you wont know what it is, but you wont Exactly be surprised when it happens.

and also roswaal isnt publicly batshit crazy like otto is. otto of course isnt as Openly Weird as subaru, but otto is still Openly Unhinged and Pathetic. just look at him declaring julius and anastasia, HIS CAMP'S ALLIES, as enemies right to their faces alsdfjlsdjfl.

and with subaru, there is Zero doubt in the emilia camp's minds that subaru wants the best for them and everyone around them.

otto though? yeah he also wants whats best for the camp. he Cares about them, he really does. but hes so obviously Questionable by the time you get to arc 8 to the point where the entire rest of the camp starts eyeing him like this:

theres also the fact that ottos dp allows him to have eyes and ears Everywhere so long as he doesnt overuse it. that paired with his Intelligence, Stubbornness, and Lack of Morals or self-awareness/sometimes guilt/regret over his actions is dangerous. theres a reason why gluttony if subaru decided to flood The Entire Surrounding Area Around Otto. the flood took away the potential army otto couldve made out of the animals and allies otto had in the city, and once you do that, whats otto going to do against someone like shaula? all of ottos power regarding his People Skills and Animal DP was stripped away.

but if that Isnt stripped away... well honestly otto can do whatever the hell he wants the moment he figures out a solid plan to try and get what he wants. his biggest ability at the core of what makes him dangerous is his ability to quite Literally be in the background. so long as hes underestimated, so long as he still has secrets, no ones gonna know the full extent of his bullshit!! you cant stop him if you dont even realize what hes going to do, and hes Good at doing that!!

and if gluttonybaru hadnt taken out otto, subaru would be skyrocketing right to the top of ottos shit list after subaru literally just killed All of ottos (and previously subarus.) loved ones. otto wouldnt stop until he figured out how to destroy subaru. its to the point where im pretty sure if otto had to choose between destroying half the world vs kill gluttonybaru once and for all, otto would certainly choose one of those options in a Heartbeat.

anyway. if youre an emilia camp member, and you see the dude whos in charge of the Vast Majority of the factions political affairs, the guy who you Know is very intelligent and competent and determined when it counts, say shit like "if everyone dies in this entire country i wouldnt even give a single flying fuck as long as our friends get back safe and sound :) it would be such a loss if the entire country lived but our friends didnt :<<<" OF COURSE I WOULD BE LIKE YEAH THAT GUY IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ONE HERE. HE HAS THE SKILLS AND THE MOTIVATION TO BACK UP THAT STATEMENT AND I WONT EVEN KNOW WHEN ITD HAPPEN. he also has the Mental Instability to back that up too, given the amount of times he spends drinking and Raging and Being Terribly Anxious over Every Little Thing.

youll be sweating buckets being wary of otto while ottos casually standing there with his wet cat looks and a knife in your back.

and otto has, for the most part, some of the most normal trauma compared to a bunch of people in this cast (not to discount ottos trauma and pain or anything but its true lajdsfls sorry otto. but also im not sorry because arc 5 was partially on you T^T). he doesnt have rbd, he doesnt have some weird family drama bullshit going on like the astreas or emilias family or the segmunts, he hasnt been erased by gluttony, etc etc. but hes still like this. if you put him in subarus position and gave him rbd, he would get even worse than he already is.

yeah so anyway thats my quick rambley psa about why i think it makes sense that the emilia camp's voted otto as the most threatening one there 👍

but the fact that we (the audience) (or at least some of us!!) keep questioning why the hell the emilia camp thinks otto is the biggest threat there is means that otto's funny silly guy image is. Kind of Working??? just a little bit.

because. granted. of course i think subaru is easily the most threatening person there with both His Flavor of Insanity and rbd. subaru is an eldritch horror in every single way. but at the same time - hes an eldritch horror who thinks friendship is the best magic of all T^TT !!! he FORGIVES PEOPLE WHO'VE KILLED AND TORTURED HIM. hes not threatening in this sense - the fact that hes kind of just way too nice in this sense!!! granted yes, he IS abusing rbd and Terrifying and Threatening in a multitude of ways, but i'd rather take my chances with mainbaru over main otto right now HAH T^TT at least subaru will apologize and start bawling his eyes out if he stabs some random innocent civilian and stranger in the gut for Some Necessary Reason!! otto would feel a bit bad and then completely Eradicate that feeling of guilt with "i had to do it. it was them or me so no regrets <3".

because otto..................... yeah otto is the Worlds Most Pathetic Yandere to his whole camp.

[ghostgirl-22]

Deck the halls 🎄💫

Day 5: ‘bend over’

CW: 18+ !NSFW!

Pair: Patrick X Reader

Woah second person (you don’t like me)

——-l

Working at the firm of Zweig, Patterson, Masters and Poole wasn’t exactly a “fun” time. The staff is overwhelmingly male and most of them were either old enough to be your parents, or too dorky to care about parties. Seriously. Even the handful of guys who were closer to your age were more into accounting clubs and building computers on weekends than going out. And it’s not even like you’re opposed to nerdy guys, you were trying to build out your career too after all, but not one of them seemed to have the courage to invite you to join them. You’d long since given up on meeting a man at work.

You expect the office Christmas party to be reserved, uptight and boring just like work. Likely the ceo Joseph Zweig who you’d only ever seen twice in person would give some speech about record profits and company shares before toasting Mazeltov and then you’d be stuck listening every iteration of the same dumb Christmas songs until 11 pm (or until you could make your excuses to escape to the next destination).

So it’s quite surprising when you show up to the party in your short black dress, in preparation to meet with friends for an after party… and it turns out to actually be a party. There’s a DJ, loud music, delicious food and festively strong drinks. People are all dressed up with friends and family members. Some considerably younger then the average staff age. You’re instantly relieved.

You decide to stick it out for another hour when you run into Joseph’s youngest son, Patrick. You’ve seen him around before but apparently he’s never seen you. He’s easy on the eyes. Bored. Too much charisma, flirting with you immediately, while also trying to get a rise out of you. Asking what a girl so pretty is doing, stuck in a job like this.

“I happen to be very good at my job,” you say dryly, not that it matters to him. His daddy owns the company. He wouldn’t have to work a day in his life if he didn’t feel like it.

“What’s your job?” He asks, he doesn’t know the meaning of personal space. He’s playing with your braids, leaning into your ear. He smells kinda good, like vanilla and cigarettes.

“I’m an accountant,” you start, “youngest one in the firm.”

“That’s so hot,” Patrick says. “You’re hot.”

You laugh. “You don’t really care, do you?”

He smirks. Of course he doesn’t. He starts playing with the hem of your too tight dress. “This is so pretty.” He says.

You roll your eyes, maybe it’s because you’re ovulating but there’s just something about his energy. Its working on you. His whole thing. It’s actually working.

”What do you do then?” You ask him. Knowing it’s going to be some ridiculous non job.

“I play tennis professionally,” he says.

Of course he does.

He lets his fingers slide up your thighs just a little more, you don’t stop him. “God look at this ass.” He says softly. “Kinda thinking about you and me. Going up to my daddy’s office. Me bending you over the desk. Hows that sound?”

God. The audacity of him.

You swallow and look over at your bosses near the front of room. Everyone is so stern and serious. As a freshly graduated new hire you’ve never even been in Mr. Zweigs office, it’s unheard of … but you’ve always been a little too adventurous for your own good.

It’s how you end up bent over, Mr. Zweig’s desk, dress hiked up, getting fucked within an inch of your life by his son. You totally get it now, his easy charm and self confidence. The way he’s making you lose your mind, legs spread wide, cunt dripping wet, moaning for your third climax all while the music sounds from the first floor. He definitely has a reason to be so fucking smug.

You leave Mr. Zweig's office barefoot, legs all wobbly, body aching so deliciously. Patrick’s arm over your shoulder. “Do you do this every Christmas party?” You ask him. Suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed as one of your nerdy coworkers passes with a lingering look at you on the way to the bathroom.

He laughs, “god I wish, I thought it would just be a bunch of boring old people here. I was gonna leave.” He says.

“Me too,” you smile.

“Guess we got lucky,” he says, sweeping your hair back from your face. “What else are we doing tonight?”

[gabessquishytum]

Great minds.....another biker gang story

The Endless biker gang runs these parts. Headed by Morpheus "Dream" Endless, they control this area - protecting the weak and helping those who need it. This let's the town turn a blind eye to the gang's other shenanigans - if an asshole or two goes missing, no one really minds; if bikers pick out a person passing through,,,,,to keep, well hopefully they have skills useful to the town. And at least they've stopped having their "significant others" walk around town mostly naked (it was a thing for a while, Destruction tended to like his "people" naked). The gang is always helpful, but some times the lost & turned around, don't leave.

Hob is on a road trip; he's on summer break from teaching his kiddos and had promised himself nothing but tourists attractions and the open road. He is also using a paper map! Yes, no one uses paper maps anymore, but Hob wants to be authentic, take a classic road trip - car + map,,,,, get lost!

Obviously, Hob's map reading/navigating skills are not great. He's supposed to be at some kitschy tourist attraction, not a dusty bar in the middle of nowhere. Well, Hob figures he can at least ask the bar keep where he is to get oriented and where the nearest motel is.

When Dream sees the ass on lost man that walks into his bar, he knows he wants to keep him. Dream doesn't know if yet (but he'll learn it), no one will be looking for "Hob" until August when he officially has to be back at his school,,,,,,,,,2 months from now.

The Endless town has a school & children,,,once Dream unties Hob from his bed......he's sure he can convince Hob to stay.

Oh Hob, baby... this could only happen to you.

Hob is definitely getting the vibe that this town is weird. The lack of traditional law enforcement, the fact that people keep giving him odd, pitying(?!) looks... its all very odd. It gets odder when this guy in full biker gear approaches him at the bar. Suddenly all the patrons, bar staff, owner... they all disappear. Its just Hob and this guy. The guy doesn't say much, just pours Hob another drink and asks if he's lost?

Hob explains his situation. He asks if biker guy can help him find his way. And the guy says, sure. But I want something in return.

The guy is gorgeous, if Hob is being honest. His eyes are blue, but there's a darkness deep within them. His hair is jet black and his mouth is ruby red, and if he wants blowjob in exchange for information then Hob is absolutely going to agree. He'd suck the guy off just for the pleasure of it. And maybe he's gullible, but he follows the guy right back to what is obviously the nicest house in town. Obviously being a biker is very profitable in these parts?

Naturally a blowjob turns into sex, and Hob gets the living daylights fucked out of him until he all but passes out. Dream, the biker guy, is like a whirlwind in bed. Hob has never cum so much in his entire life.

So when he wakes up cuffed to the headboard, he does scream and protest...... but it's a little half-hearted. When his dick is that good, it's hard to really get mad at the guy. Especially when he brings breakfast in bed. Hob has, objectively, had worse mornings.

And Dream isn't sure if this man is crazy or just really slutty, but he's keeping him either way. He'll make Hob cum so hard, he'll forget he even had a life before Dream and the Endless town <333

[letsgetrowdy43]

The season of giving—

Request: Hey! Can I please request the prompts a being an ass and putting their cold hands on b's warm neck with "It's a time of goodwill, not whatever the hell you're doing" for the ‘never a god au’ xx

Baby, it's cold outside Celly!!

Au Masterlist!!

The holiday season wasn't just for receiving, it was also a time of giving, meaning that the devils were doing 12 days of donating to the community, putting in their time and money into some charities and non-profits throughout New Jersey. Today the entire team was tasked with helping teach kids from the children's hospital how to skate.

Some of these kids have spent most of their lives within the walls of the hospital, so this meant a lot to not only them but also to their parents who were finally witnessing their babies having some normalcy in their lives.

Angie smiled as she tied a little girl's skates, an even bigger smile on the little girl the woman tapped her leg, "does that feel okay?" she asked as the little girl nodded shyly, "Not too tight?" the little girl shook her head, "perfect," she said taking her hand and leading her to the ice.

Nico watched from afar, a grin on his face as he watched her skating backwards, the little girl's hands in hers as she navigated her way across the ice. "You have a staring problem cap," Jesper grinned as he waved his hand in front of the man's face. "I don't know what you're talking about," Nico's smile grew as he looked at his teammate, "go make you're self useful, you're supposed to be helping," Nico said pointing towards the group of older kids just standing around awkwardly on the ice.

The woman on the ice finally let go of the little girl's hand as she whispered that she thought she could do it on her own. Angie clapped as the little girl successfully made me way over to her parents who opened their arms and pulled her into a hug. The woman's heart warmed as the mom looked up at her with teary eyes and mouth a short thank you as the little girl skated off with her father.

Nico watched it all unfold, the young woman stood there with a sullen smile on her face as she looked back up to see him staring right at her, cheeks tinted pink as he started skating over to her.

“Doing stuff like this makes me so emotional,” she mumbled with a smile, “makes me feel so grateful to be in this position to give back,” she looked up at him to see his grin growing by the second. “You look happy?” she said changing the topic as he nodded. “Good atmosphere in here,” he shrugged as she hummed in agreement before getting distracted by the sight of Luke and Jack dragging two kids with their sticks.

A gasp immediately left her lips as she felt a cold sting touch her neck and shoulder she spun around to glare at the man who just grinned menacingly. “Neeks,” she hissed as her hand grabbed his, “you're like an ice cube, Fu—” her mouth shut as she caught herself and watched his face break out into a fit of laughter.

His hand was still in hers as her glare sharpened, “why?” “You looked too peaceful,” he nearly giggled as he realized that he really just let the intrusive thoughts win. Her hand squeezed his, “you're hands are so cold, where are your gloves?” “Don't have any” “Get some You weirdo,” she scolded like a mother, “you make millions and you won't buy a nice pair of gloves.”

“Why own gloves when you could just warm them for me?” he said in a smooth tone causing her face to drop as she let go of his hands. Her face screamed amusement as she watched his smile grow by the second, "You think you're so cute." "I am cute!" “That is enough out if you cap, go teach kids to skate,” she spun on her skates to look away from him, her cheeks a deep shade of red as she focused on literally anything else in the room.

Nico let out a laugh at her obvious embarrassment as he leaned down to whisper in her ear, “It was just a suggestion, Evangeline,” he whispered her name like it was some sort of secret like it was one of the most powerful words in his vocabulary. “It's a time of Goodwill Nico, not whatever the hell you're doing, go help some children,” she spun back around, her face inches from his, “we will talk later,” she said lowly as she manually pushed him in the direction of the kids and the rest of their teammates.

-

-

-

[randomingoftherandomness]

A/N: this one is for @romchat 🫶🏼

Tags: One Night Stands, Modern AU, Zhao Yuanzhou x Zhuo Yichen

Also tagging @dangermousie @productofevolution

—

Things had started off well enough when Zhuo Yichen woke up this morning with the lingering pleasures of the weekend before still clinging to his skin. The man he had welcomed to his bed over the weekend had been a generous lover, happy to take the lead from the moment they’d met at the club.

He was exactly Yichen’s type, too — tall, older, a wicked smile on his lips, and voice like caramel sauce on a perfect sundae. He had wrung him out in the club’s dingy bathroom twice (or was it thrice?), stole a moment (or two or ten) to press him against the closest vertical surface while they were stumbling out to catch a taxi, practically ruining him for the kisses of anyone else (not that he is complaining).

They’d spent the whole of Sunday just tangled in each other’s arms. Perhaps he should have asked for a name somewhere between having his soul sucked out of his dick, his ass being eaten out by that talented tongue, and him being railed so hard he thinks he’s going to get a couple of noise complaints, but funny how some important things get left on the wayside when you’re having fun.

And it most certainly was fun.

Yichen’s good mood lasts right up until the second he walks into his office. His intern informs him nervously and more than a little waspishly that the shark from their competing company was here to discuss terms of surrender regarding their latest conflict.

From the second he walks into the meeting room to come face to face with the one and only Zhao Yuanzhou who had been making his professional life such a misery, that it necessitated a trip to a club on the more dubious ends of the city, Yichen’s day just keeps getting better in the way one does when stepping on a land mine.

Because it takes all of him not to run back out of there screaming when the Zhao Yuanzhou who has been making his head throb at the mention of his name is the reason why he has fingerprint shaped bruises on the meat of his thighs.

“Zhuo Yichen, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

If there was ever the smile of someone who just won in life and knew it, it would be the one on Zhao Yuanzhou’s face when their eyes meet over the heads of their company’s execs.

It’s hard to keep himself from breaking out in shivers from that voice when he knows exactly how it sounds in his ear calling him baby or beautiful, or somewhere between the hours of five and six last Saturday morning, slut.

A land mine and a shark. Yichen’s brain helpfully sputters into uselessness. Even more so when Zhao Yuanzhou in his suit leans forward on the table across from him, hand splayed on the surface while one of the doddering men drones on about profits and margins.

Yichen has to swallow down a choked gasp when the man twists his fingers into a shape his ass definitely remembers.

“—agree to your terms, however I have one non-negotiable request.”

Jerking his head up, Yichen catches the moment Zhao Yuanzhou turns to look right at him unflinchingly. Smile growing from gleeful to downright wicked, Yichen feels his stomach flip when the older man says, “I will only work with Zhuo Yichen and no one else.”

Well, shit.

[fuckingfandomfreak]

Bro I saw that you said Arthur was in the right to kill that king in s4 (I forgot his name) and YESSSS omg everyone is always like it was wrong but I can never see how and I was starting to go crazy.

Genuinely, that episode irks me like nothing else. It drives me fucking CRAZY. Like it’s a perfectly good episode that I can’t enjoy bc it MAKES NO SENSE. I feel gaslit

Not even just bc im an Arthur girlie (but I am), but bc everyone fucking acted like executing the other king was a crazy decision that started a war. The show had me agreeing with AGRAVAINE 🤮🤢

Like just genuinely, from a normal perspective, King Carleon INVADED Camelot (not even the borders but deep into Camelot; they said in the episode) and took territory. That’s an act of war. Everyone in that episode (and eventually Arthur) acts like Arthur started a war, but Carleon did. You can’t invade another country and just expect the king to let you go. That’s crazy!!! It makes no sense 😭

And you got everyone telling Arthur that he shouldn’t murder a man in cold blood and that’s not like him, and then Annis calling Arthur a coward for executing her husband, and suddenly it’s Arthur’s fault there’s a war. When Carleon invaded another country and just expected to get off with a wrist slap????

Arthur was even better than he should’ve been about it. Carleon had to either secede land to Arthur as punishment for invading Arthur’s land multiple times (they mentioned Carleon kept taking border towns but this time was different bc this was little in the center of the country) or lose his head. And Carleon decided to lose his head, and everyone was up Arthur’s ass being like “Carleon would never agree to those terms. This is just an excuse to behead him,” and expect us to feel bad for CARLEON???

Like too bad, so sad, don’t invade other countries. Why was agravaine the only one speaking common sense?? Arthur had to be harsh with him bc Arthur kept sparing Carleon before and Carleon kept invading. And Arthur letting Carleon go with a slap on the wrist would’ve just shown every other king that he was a bitch, and they could keep invading Camelot until they succeed without any repercussions. Yes, Arthur should’ve killed Carleon. Obviously, Queen Annis was going to retaliate, but that’s not his fault. He didn’t start this. Carleon did.

It’s this weird thing that the show does where they have like zero tolerance for war, but they just makes everyone look like idiots. I love a good anti-war message, but the show wasn’t going for that. It just had stupid lessons. Like the multiple times some foreign king was going something shady, and Merlin went crazy trying to fix what they were doing while also keeping it a secret bc if Arthur or Uther found out, they would’ve started a war.

But a foreign king deliberately sabotaging a peace treaty bc he wanted two kings at the peace treaty to fight so that he could profit from the destruction is an act of war. It’s stupid to me not to tell anybody bc now Camelot just has an untrustworthy and shady ally.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Seto Kaiba

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Every good anime revolving around a game, sport, or competition needs a great rival to antagonize the main character. A rival is a character who helps push the protagonist to their limits, and forces them to apply what they’ve learned in order to beat them. Now, a rival like that typically isn’t someone who is going to get a Psycho Analysis, as most rivals are just garden-variety jerks at worst. For instance, Gary Oak is a bit of a snot, but he’s literally a child and he turns things around and becomes a decent guy relatively quick. Or hell, look at Miles Edgeworth; he spends most of the first Ace Attorney butting heads with Phoenix Wright in court, but he’s pretty quickly shown to be far more concerned with finding the absolute truth than any truly nefarious purpose. Ultimately, most rivals end up being genuinely decent people who just take competition a little too seriously and eventually develop into staunch friends and allies.

But imagine a rival who never changes. A rival dead set on being the most antagonistic douchebag possible, one who is driven solely by the sheer spite and hatred they feel at being second banana to someone else, someone who can’t bear that their massive ego is even slightly bruised. A rival who may help when the chips are on the table, but who is only doing so for their own selfish and self-centered reasons. That’s a character I could reasonably review on Psycho Analysis! And if ever there was a character who fits that bill, it’s Seto freaking Kaiba.

Now, to be clear here, Kaiba isn’t a villain. He’s an antagonist, he’s an anti-hero, but for about 99% of his screentime he’s not technically a villain. But just because the series is called Psycho Analysis doesn’t mean I’m literally only reviewng psychos, and it’s about time I broke out a bit and experimented in this new year by looking at characters who aren’t totally evil, but maybe are a little bit. And as you’ll soon see, no one is a better choice to break the mold than the second best duelist in Domino City.

Motivation/Goals: To put it simply, everything Kaiba does is motivated by his ego or by spite. This is a man who has done genuinely great things, from dismantling his father’s bloodthirsty legacy of profiting off of war to opening theme parks and creating new technology to make Duel Monsters more fun and engaging for all players. All of this on paper makes him look like the most ethical animated billionaire this side of Scrooge McDuck, but there’s one little issue: Nothing he does is out of the goodness of his heart.

Do you think Kaiba actually gives a shit about anyone affected by his father’s business? No, he just dismantled it out of sheer hatred for his adopted father who, to be fair, really was a massive cunt. Do you think he went through all the trouble to make massive strides in Duel Monsters technology just so people could have fun? No, he did it all so he could exploit it in some way to defeat Yugi once and for all.

And that’s one of the biggest things that drives Kaiba: His unquenchable desire to defeat Yugi and be crowned the true king of games. The thing is, every time they have a fair fight, Kaiba gets his ass handed to him; the one time he won was by essentially threatening Yugi with suicide. His sheer petty desire to one-up Yugi extends far into the future, where he names the loser dork house of the academy in GX after Yugi’s Egyptian God card Slifer, while the ultra-cool prestigious house is named after the God he got, Obelisk. And in one possible end of his story, he goes to the most insane and ultimate extreme to try and settle his grudge (but more on that shortly).

Performance: In English, there are two main voice actors of note who have portrayed Kaiba. The first is Eric Staurt, who outside of Kaiba is best known for his Pokemon roles of Brock and James. It leads to a bit of whiplash hearing someone who sounds so similar to the affable yet horny Brock be an absolute arrogant prick, but I definitely think Stuart is able to pull it off.

The other VA of note is Martin “Littlekuriboh” Billany, creator of Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series and the man who voices about 90% of that gag dub’s cast. His take on Kaiba is pretty much what happens if you cross Stuart’s performance with Solid Snake, and it works very well for a Kaiba who’s weirder and wackier yet somehow even more insanely egotistical.

Final Fate: Kaiba, seeing as he’s just a douchebag and not a truly evil person, doesn’t get any sort of major comeuppance save for constantly getting his ass handed to him by Yugi. There are really two possible endings for him, though if you want to be charitable they’re not necessarily mutually exclusive. The first ending is, of course, that he eventually goes on to found the Duel Academy, which means he helps kickstart the events of Yu-Gi-Oh GX in a way. Anyone even partly responsible for the rise of bisexual monsterfucker king Jaden Yuki is getting high marks in my book.

But the much more notable ending for Kaiba comes from Dark Side of Dimensions where, so consumed by his desire to duel Atem one more time despite the pharaoh finally being at rest, he leaves his company in the hands of Mokuba and goes to the fucking afterlife to challenge him. Whatever way you want to read it—that he actually used science to travel to the great beyond, that his tech killed him and he’s not coming back—Kaiba really cements his legacy as the most insane, obsessive rival ever created. If he still feels like he has something to prove by beating you, you ain’t getting your eternal rest; he will bust down the barriers of life and death to have a chance of whooping your ass. Absolute madman.

Evilness: So in this new segment, I’m going to establish how evil any given villain is and rate them on it, separate from how I rate them as a character overall. This score is basically just a reflection of how evil their actions are, with a 1 being “Barely a villain at all” and a 10 being a “Complete and utter monster.”

As we’ve already established a bit, Kaiba is more just an egotistical asshole than anything. In his early appearances in the manga you could definitely say Kaiba was a villain, and his first appearance as the starter villain of the anime definitely paint him as a dick… but after his mind crush, he definitely veers more into anti-hero territory for the rest of the series.

Normally, this would net him a solid 1, but that’s the thing. Despite the fact Kaiba frequently does genuinely good and helpful things and despite constantly aiding the heroes, he only ever does it because he feels like he has something to prove. For instance, look at his handling of the Big Five as he dismantled his father’s legacy; do you think he tore down the military dealings KaibaCorp dealt in out of the goodness of his heart? No, Kaiba did all that out of sheer hatred and spite, negative emotions that motivate just about everything he does no matter how nice it seems. Even if he isn’t actually evil by any stretch and even though he’s undoubtedly bettering the world with what he does, he’s doing it for impure reasons that mainly revolve around reasserting his own superiority. The only genuinely selfless things he does are for the benefit of his beloved brother Mokuba.

So for the first ever Evilness Score, I think Kaiba is going to score a 2/10, which denotes being a huge dick but not neccesarily evil. He’s not actually evil enough to warrant anything higher, but he’s too big of an asshole to get a 1.

Best Scene/Quote: Abridged!Kaiba gave the world “Screw the rules, I have money,” a line that perfectly summarizes a good chunk of Kaiba’s character in both the main and the abridged version of the show. But his best quote (and his very best scene) come during his duel with Ishizu in Battle City, where he decides to give fate the middle finger and beat Miss Ishtar despite her clairvoyance while giving her the following speech (in the dub):

“Hear me now! I won't be controlled! I decide my future! So now, I sacrifice my monsters! Obelisk and Gadget Solider, I send you to the card graveyard! You're so quiet, Ishizu. Where's your magic now? Or have you realized that there's no such thing as destiny? Now observe as I summon my Blue-Eyes! Show yourself!”

And more than anything, this sums up Kaiba: He has the most massive ego in history, the strength and cunning to back that ego up, and a steadfast and stubborn refusal of destiny. He plays by his own rules and follows his own path, and nothing will stand in his way. Not Egyptian gods, not prophecies, not magic or shadow games or what have you. He is unstoppable, implacable, and he won’t be denied that duel with Yugi no matter what anyone says. Not even the barrier of life and death can stop him.

Final Thoughts & Score: Unsurprisingly, as someone who grew up with Yu-Gi-Oh, I fucking love Kaiba.

Going into this, I knew he wasn’t going to be a straight example of a villain, because his evil is mostly relegated to the early parts of the manga and the start of the show, with his post-Mind Crush self being more of an anti-heroic jerkass with a heart of gold. But I think he’s just enough of an asshole to be worth talking about, and talking about antagonistic jerks opens the door to talk about characters like Toy Story’s Sid or the more hostile Pokemon rivals like Silver, Blue, and Bede here. It would have to be Kaiba blazing that trail, though; there’s no jerk more perfect to open the door to discussion of other jerks.

Kaiba is just genuinely fascinating in that, despite being incredibly static as a character, he never really feels shallow. Sure, he steadfastly refuses to change and never really becomes on the best terms with the Yugi squad, but his interactions with them are still fun to watch and he never gets flanderized to the point of being obnoxious. It’s honestly extremely impressive they were able to walk that tightrope of him never really progressing past being an asshole while still remaining a fun, likable character who it’s fun to see in action. I suppose it helps they gave him the most ludicrously badass backstory where he as a plucky little orphan boy manages to beat a businessman in chess to get adopted, fleeces him out of his entire fortune and company, and then dismantles said company’s military division to focus on gaming. And if that’s not enough, they have him do stuff like throw trading cards to jam guns!

Of course, his most appealing aspect is his single-minded obsession with defeating Yugi and proving himself as the superior duelist, a character trait for which there is quite simply no heterosexual explanation for (I’m half kidding). With most rivals, they don’t really get so consumed by their desire to defeat their opponent that they essentially kill themselves just to get another chance at beating them, but most rivals ain’t Kaiba! Really, I think the only rival I’ve seen who’s close to being on his level is Vegeta. Once again, they found a nice balance, keeping Kaiba from being too obnoxious even with his single-minded obsession with one-upping Yugi.

Kaiba is really a character who so easily could have been obnoxious or insufferable, but instead he quite honestly stole the show. Yes, Yugi and Atem’s trials and tribulations are crucial and all, but seeing the insane lengths Kaiba goes to ensure he gets another chance to summon his Blue-Eyes against Yugi’s Dark Magician is just a blast. You’re always wondering what insane rich guy nonsense the man is going to pull off next, and he rarely disappoints. Kaiba may not be evil, he may merely be an antagonistic rival, but I think he still deserves a 10/10 for being the egomaniacal asshole opponent every arch-rival should aspire to be.