#I just enjoy seeing that complexity of his clear love but also how he holds on so tightly it's smothering

[slverblood]

Not to mention — Kettle is a fantastic character who does love his daughter, but there's this undercurrent of disrespect toward her as well. He loves his daughter, but does he respect that she is her own person outside of that role? He places the entrance to the Gauntlet in her very burial chamber. He uses a mural depicting her entombment as part of the key. He bought Marcus' allegiance with wings hacked off her beloved, and he sent him to kidnap her using those wings. He infects her with the tadpole and robs her of free will so she will betray her beliefs (she, who is a cleric) and stay at his side. He also frames her love of Aylin as Aylin stealing her from him.

[tinydefector]

quietly whispers (for your consideration)

ratchet x human reader

sex pollen

Pheromones

Ratchet x human reader

Word count: 2k

Warning: smut, thigh fucking, sex pollen/ pheromone spray, #valveplug

Ratchet masterlist

Request and ask open, read pinned post

So what about, Cybertronians react to perfume in the way humans react to Sex pollen hehehe. I love the idea of human perfume mix with skin contact makes an almost intoxicating scent and sends Cybertronians feral when they get a hint of it. They love how it makes humans skin taste, and it over rides their interface systems.

So enjoy.

_____________

The human moves around Ratchet's medical lab looking at different vials and flasks their eyes flickering over the difference Liquids. " Hey ratchet what are all of these different vials?" They call out to the medic. Ratchet looked up from his work when he heard the human call out to him. He put down the datapad he was looking over and walked over to where the human was examining the various vials on the shelves.

"Those are different medical compounds and chemicals I use in treatments and repairs," Ratchet explained. "The colourful ones contain powerful medications and sedatives. The clear ones hold things like bonding agents or nanite solutions. Others are a mix of experimental solutions" 

He pointed to a vial with a swirling pink and purple liquid. "That one is a broad-spectrum energon healing compound I developed. It speeds cellular repair and regeneration, within Cybertronian functions." His optical ridges furrowed as he watched the human carefully look over each vial. 

"You know better than to touch anything in here, less you break something and contaminate yourself with something i can't fix" Ratchet said sternly. "Some of this equipment and chemicals could seriously harm an organic being like yourself." Despite his gruff tone, his words held more care than scolding. Biology was complex, and humans were so small and fragile compared to Cybertronians. He hoped his favourite little patient and helping hand was being careful not to endanger themselves.

"It's just fascinating is all, kinda reminds me of a mediaeval apothecary" they chuckle. "Do you ever just take samples for fun, like when you're out and about on planets?" They ask, they were always curious over what things ratchet tended to keep.

Ratchet huffed a small laugh at the comparison to a mediaeval apothecary. "Fascinating perhaps, but also dangerous if mishandled," he remarked.

He considered the human's question for a moment. While most of his samples were acquired for medical necessity, he couldn't deny a certain curiosity about other life forms and ecosystems. 

"On occasion I have collected specimens from planets we've visited, simply for observational study," Ratchet admitted.  He walked over to retrieve a data pad containing photos and analyses of plant samples from their recent away missions. "Here, let me show you some I recorded on our last stop." Ratchet enlarged the images for the human to easily see. "This radiation-resistant lichen seems to secrete a natural antifreeze. And these fungi act as natural air filters in their toxic environment." The medic's optics glinted with interest as he discussed his findings. Perhaps exploration held some appeal, even for a skeptic like himself.

They stand close to Ratchet looking over different specimens, “some of these plants look like they would make really nice perfumes'' they mumble while flicking through the different photos reading the small information bubbles around them. As the human stood near Ratchet examining the data on his specimens, something about their scent suddenly registered in his olfactory sensors. An overly sweet aroma was emanating strongly from their skin, but it was clearly not the normal scent of an unadulterated human.“perfume?forgive me, I'm not accustomed to what that is?” he asked with a raised optical ridge

Their eyes flicker to Ratchet. “It's like scented alcohol or oil we put on our skin, most times it alters our scent. We humans happen to have a big fascination with them, and have millions of different perfumes.” they explain before tilting their head in slight amusement. “I'm surprised Cybertronians don't have something similar” they reply. 

“once millennia's back cybertron did try making things like that, but due to our metallic body's it doesn't stay on us, or it tented to cause rust spots from the ones they did try and make” Ratchet explained, sensors flared as he analysed the unfamiliar composition, immediately detecting unusual chemical traces that seemed to send strange pulses through his neurocircuitry. The smell was strangely enticing yet worryingly off-kilter at the same time. He tried venting deeply to clear his nasal chamber but the scent only grew stronger. 

"What in the Allspark..." the medic muttered, not meaning for the human to hear. His optics dimmed slightly as redundant calibrations ran, trying to make sense of why the scent was affecting his processor. Ratchet crouched down and focused his sharp gaze on the human in concern. They smile up at him offering for him to examine. 

"By my scanner  it seems as if you've been contaminated with something. Are you positive these ‘perfumes’ are safe? I need to analyse your system for potential toxins." He asked while trying to figure out why the scent was having such an effect on him, it was as if his processor had thrown care to the wind. 

They let out a laugh as his optics try analysing, he moves closer taking another inhale of their scent "haha yes Ratchet, it isn't harmful, humans have been using it for hundreds of years" they state. “Ratchet are you alright?” They ask while cupping his face. 

Ratchet's sensors were in disarray as the potent scent overwhelmed his circuits. He vented heavily again, coolant failing to properly flush the heated energon now racing through his fuel lines. His optics flickered with minor instability as calibration errors cropped up across multiple systems.

Though lacking his usual gruffness. Ratchet leaned in closer, trying to pinpoint the source, but only succeeded in inhaling more of the intoxicating aroma. A rumble rose in his chassis against his better judgement. “ your scent...", he struggled to find words between fragmented logic protocols. "It's affecting my sensor net. Overloading my functions. I need to...run a full examination. Determine why this perfume is making your scent overwhelming..." 

His field pulsed with uncharacteristic confusion and static electricity. Ratchet knew he should contact someone for assistance, but found himself unable to call out in his muddled state. The human's safety was his top concern, yet he feared touching them in this condition. Some natural, impossible chemistry was at play here, and the medic had no control over his compromised systems.

As gently as his shaking grip allowed, Ratchet grasped the human in his large palm to properly scan them from close range. His detailed medical scanners searched every inch, They gasp as Ratchet glossa meets their throat, fingers shootout to grip the side of his faceplate. 

A throttled moan escaped his vocalizer against his will. That light touch from their hands nearly shorted out his already fritzing systems. vents plume in hot exhaust. His interface panel felt too hot and tight , barely clinging to integrity protocols as the pleasure centres of his processor went haywire. 

“your scent...overloading my sensory net...cannot...resist...” Ratchet calls out through groans,his grip unconsciously tightened around the small organic in his hand. His free hand scrambled for purchase on the table, denting the metal. Something primal and powerful part of him was unravelling his mental restraints, and no calibration or forced shutdown seemed able to stop it.

Their eyes go wide. "Ratchet! Are you alright do in need to get a Perceptor or first aid?" They ask as the medic leans down into their shoulder, denta nipping at the skin as his digits try removing their shirt as quickly as he physically can. They yelp as he pulls them back together with him, his lips work along their smaller frame desperate to taste the sweet flavour and scent that had taken to their skin. capturing them against his heaving chassis. His optics blazed with static and uncontrolled charge.

"No...don't leave," Ratchet growled through clenched denta. Every fibre of his being screamed for more. His panel snapping open with an echoing click, massively engorged cables twitching in the open. Coolant and lubricant poured from his interface array, drenching the human involuntarily as he grinding against them, bright glowing pink stains their pants and paints their skin in his transfluid. 

His hands trembled, barely able to restrain their desire to claim the tiny body before him. Rational thought was impossible under the onslaught of chemical signals frying his cognition. Ratchet bucked erratically against them, whole body illuminated by dancing electricity. 

"Need you... interface protocols are in-gauged, can't fight it...please,!" he pants to the human as his spike presses against their back. Blunt node swelled monstrously at its tip.

Their back arches into each grind of Ratchet's spike. “Ratchet!” They whine out. 

Their soft noises egg ratchet on, his servos move quickly, trying to discard the pants sticking to their form, he hisses out in annoyance before finally getting them off their legs, throwing them across the medical room. Twisting them around so he can see thier eyes. 

Ratchet growls eagerly spike swiftly sliding between their thighs and against their stomach. His spike is already dripping with lubricant. As he ruts against them. Each inhale of their scent has him spiralling more. 

"Is this what you want, sweetspark? My spike filling you up?" His voice is rough with lust. Gently spreading their legs wider. Watching the bright pink stick to their legs "Primus... I bet you feel amazing." 

He moves slowly pressing his spike against them, tormenting as he presses into them inch by inch. Needy moans leave their lips, hands clinging to him desperately as they roll their hips. “Ratchet!” They cry out. 

 Their stomach bulges from Ratchet's spike, the bright pink splatter across their skin nearly has ratchet overloading from the mere sensation, not to mention the intoxicating scent of their skin. Ratchet groans deeply at the sight of his spike bulging their abdomen, his engines rumbling with feral satisfaction. One hand strokes almost reverently over the taut swell.

"So stunning like this... stretched wide around me, primus so small and tight”

Slowly he draws his hips back, then thrusts forward, grinding deeply into them. setting a steady pace, rockin into the slick heat enveloping his spike. Ducking his head, he captures their shoulder between his denta, glossa flicking against the sensitive skin as he tries to lap the perfume from their skin.

Ratchet growls deeply, thrusting harder at the way they clench around his spike. The table creaks and trembles under the force of his movements but he can't bring himself to slow down. 

"Yes, just like that," he rasps. "Keep that sweet valve squeezing me. Feels so good..."

captures their cries in a heated kiss. "Want you to overload for me," Ratchet purrs. "Let me feel you come undone around my spike, sweetspark..."

His engines are roaring furiously now, spike swelling and throbbing powerfully inside their smaller body. Ratchet groans deeply as they clench around him again, the feeling of that slick heat clenching and rippling around his spike is incredible. 

"That's it love, overload for me... you feel exquisite. So good" 

The sensations quickly become too much for his own systems to bear,the feeling, scent and the pure primal heat running through his system hits hard. With a staticky shout of Julian's name, he buries himself to the hilt and overloads powerfully. His transfluid gushes hot and thick, pumping deep into their smaller form. 

His engines vent heavily as he leans over them, face pressed into their shoulder, a deep guttural moan leaves him, Shuddering with aftershocks. When he finally leans stack to take in their exhaust and truly used form their lungs desperately inhale and exhale drawing in air as if it was their life line. 

Bright pink transfluid pudding around them as Ratchet's systems finally subsided. His optics flicker on them. “ Are you alright?” he asked softly, his human companion replied with a soft whine and nod. “ Remind me not to wear my perfume out in public” the call out in shuttered words. It makes ratchet chuckle as he leans back down to them. “a wise decision” 

[python-nebula]

Uh. SAF lighting/staging(/whatever else happens to come up) analysis be upon ye. This is a very loose definition of 'analysis' and is more like 'I wrote this with the power of Autism, Being a Film Student, and 'Song 2' by Blur', enjoy :)

^ These are the images I'm gonna be referencing, but I'm talking about the scene in general too. I'm gonna keep the main body of the text in white and my notes in pink :)

Ough okay so. The staging + body language. Owen is specifically placed higher than Curt because in his eyes, he has the upper hand. The slight low angle also lends weight to this and aids in making him look powerful. Because of this, his gun arm isn't raised higher than his shoulder level as it doesn't need to be, giving him a casual air, along with his pulled-back, loose posture and his head lolling slightly to the side.

Despite his body language, we can see from his face and words that he is actually very tense internally. This is probably a very deliberate choice on the director's part, as it emphasises Owen's demeanour of laid-back power (or at least, that's what he tries to present himself as).

This all contrasts directly to Curt. His gun arm has to be at a very high angle because of his positioning in relation to Owen, meaning his posture is very tense and his head is held rigidly upwards. Owen has been planning this meeting for (presumably) years, but Curt obviously hasn't. This is reflected in how they stand (as just explained).

He looks up to Owen, both literally and metaphorically. When they were together, they looked up to each other, and therefore were on equal footing because of their mutual respect and love. But now that Owen feels betrayed and scorned, that resect and love has become one-sided (but half-buried by Curt).

(A detail I like is that even though both actors are (I assume bc it's more common) right-handed, Owen holds his gun in his left hand, meaning the guns are level with each other, creating nice symmetry).

//

LIGHTING TIME. Oh boy, the lighting. Owen stands not only shrouded in stage smoke (giving him an etherial appearance), but also severe white light. This separates him and Curt, showing the now-clear stark contrast between them (whereas before they were both in normal light levels together).

It also represents how Owen has essentially become a ghost; he doesn't exist in his own identity to anybody other than Curt now (and Tati but she isn't in this scene). He isn't part of this world anymore, and exists outside of ever being in Curt's life again.

The light from around Owen casts down on Curt, almost invoking religious imagery. From both perspectives, it represents Curt's adoration and idolisation for Owen (both from being in love with him and from building a version of Owen in his head for four years), and need to 'save' him (his quote unquote 'Messiah complex' that his mother describes).

From Curt's perspective, he is gazing up at Owen, and is bathed in some of his light (he moves closer to Owen later in the scene, more into his light, symbolising his resignation to, and acceptance of, the fact that he can't save Owen. He moves past his memory of, and built-up mental image of, Owen). Up the stairs is Owen, the man he loves, and the light. Back down the stairs is his life without him; darkness.

From Owen's perspective, he knows that Curt feels this way about him - hell, he probably felt the same way about Curt, before the accident - but he keeps his distance. The light, for him, isn't holy light, but a barrier he has put up. In the scene, he doesn't move closer to Curt, he stays high up where he doesn't have to face the man he loves (loved?) and see the pain on his face from up close, see the tears (of anger, or heartbreak? Both, I'd say) that are probably forming in his eyes. Does he feel guilty or regret it? Possibly, considering he apologises several times to Curt in 'One Step Ahead'.

Either way, the stark white light isn't healthy for either of them. So they leave the light, together, when the shot rings out and the stage falls into darkness.

Okay!! This has been my over-the-top, unhinged, accidentally-a-character-study ''''analysis'''' of a single fucking scene from a spy musical that I've been a fan of for a grand total of 24 hours!! :D Please let me know if I made any mistakes, I'm not as knowledgeable about staging as I'd like to be, and as said, I also haven't been a fan for very long.

(I'm gonna post this now and stop adding more to it lmao)

Tagging @kairithemang0 @venomousray @consumingthecheese

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Puppy Love

a/n: HII, I haven’t written in a minute and this came out today. So, enjoy! 

Also, just like the rest of you sluts, I too, am OBSESSED with Pedro Pascal. Glad to be here. 

Joel Miller x Reader

Word Count: 1065

MASTERLIST here if you’re interested! 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ellie, please.”

“Come on, dude. What did you guys used to say…Yo-Yo something. Oh, Oo, YOLO?”

Y/N eyerolled at the mouthy teenager now prodding through her personal life. Granted, it wasn’t Ellie’s fault, she just called it as she saw it. Honest and brutal, even when she didn’t need to be.

“You don’t get it. Not a lick. So kindly shut the fuck up.”

“So, you’re just gonna hold on to this pipe dream…until you croak?”

Her questioning tone almost earned Ellie a slap but Y/N remained calm.

“Wow, kid. Anyone tell ya you got a way with words?”

“Nope. You’re the first. Lucky you.”

Ellie annoyingly enunciated every word loud and clear rifling through Y/N’s chaotic brain. He would never be hers even if they weren’t stuck in this apocalyptic hellhole. Back then Joel had endless opportunities to speak up and half the time he chose to shove her feelings so far under the rug that she couldn’t help when the disheartenment finally sunk in.

“But seriously.”

“Seriously nothing. Zip it, El.”

Her hands waved furiously in the air creating obscenely silly gestures. For once, they were left to simmer in silence, albeit temporary. Y/N stared holes in the ground beneath her hiding the unshed tears she refused to let fall.

“Things are …complex. More than you can understand.”

“Then help me, what’s the problem?”

“Ellie, look around us! You don’t—you don’t even know what it was like back before things went to shit. Joel isn’t the type of guy…”

Warm words swam through her chest, their presence suffocating meeting early death as her lips pursed shut.    

“Y/N…”

She bit her lip in anticipation hoping for the right words to stumble out Ellie looked on with a hopeful light in her eyes.

“Joel has Tess.”

Had Tess.

“But he’s in love with you.”

Vicious headshakes were all Y/N could muster praying not to slip further into her meddling.

“No, he’s not. And you can’t go around sayin things like that! Jesus.”

Y/N made quick work, eyes bouncing between every corner of the room making sure Joel hadn’t snuck it. Wouldn’t be the first time.

“I see the way you look at him, you know.”

“I know.”

“Then why--?”

Anger getting the better of Y/N, she frivolously snapped back; “You wanna know why, hmm? I’ve loved Joel Miller since I was 27. The idiot dropped a might I mention PIPING HOT americano down my blouse.  The second he smiled I knew I was a goner.”

“Okay?”

“So, he knows, known, whatever you wanna call it. He friend zoned me then, same applies to now. I just hang onto him because I’m a lovesick puppy just patiently waiting for her turn. I’m the best friend, Ellie. Joel Miller doesn’t love me, he just loves the way I make him feel important, heard. Then like clockwork, he’s got himself a new girl on his arm to impress and I’m left –” Her lip quivered, it felt different saying it out loud, more real, visceral. No more pretending.

Y/N cleared her throat stiffening her once welcoming features, “It’s called unrequited love, El and I hope you never have to know how shitty it feels.”

“Oh come on, just because the world ended doesn’t mean everything went to shit.”  

Her left eye twitched at the teenager’s choice words lowering her voice to a mere whisper. Y/N reached towards the girl, caressing her cheek in a motherly manner. El leaned in accepting the gesture.

“I love Joel Miller. He doesn’t love me. And that’s okay because I get to throw all my unreiprocated love on to you, and for that I’m forever grateful. Like it or not kid, you’re stuck with me for however long life allows.”

“Oh great, just what I needed. A mother of my very own!”

Y/N playfully slapped her shoulder; “Hey now, your birth mother did a super fucking hard thing AND delivered a healthy baby. Do you think pregnancy is easy? Or how about the horror of delivering the thing that’s been taking up space in your body for the last nine months, huh? Women didn’t have it easy then and we definitely don’t in this joke of a world nowadays. So, to wrap this up; just because she created you doesn’t mean you can’t accept love that feels similar. I can’t take the place of your mom and I am so not old enough- “

Ellie’s eyebrows crinkled together; “Aren’t you like considered geriatric?”

Horror paled over Y/N. Why this little—She breathed deeply hoping to simmer the bitter bitch growing within her. She annunciated her words very clearly; “I am 46, you little brat. The least you could do is respect your elders if you’re gonna talk smack.”

Ellie huffed; “I just don’t get it.”

This piqued her interest; “Get what?”

“Men. Like, are they are all complete psychopaths?”

“Well, that’s a bit harsh but yes, in general they are a nuisance to society…or what’s left of it.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

Ellie’s arms snuck around her waist pulling her close. Y/N welcomed the embrace thankful for the small moments she was still afforded.

“You deserve to be loved no matter what. I’m glad I found you… and the grump.”

“He’s a good man. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“I won’t. I just wish he could see how fucking badass you actually are. I mean I’d date you.”

Y/N’s eyes glazed over momentarily; “Damnit, you’re making me feel things I don’t have the time to feel.”  

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?

“Don’t give up on him, I’ve seen things from a different perspective and as an outsider looking in, this ain’t a closed case little lady.”

“Wow, how southern belle of you. A girl like yourself would do well in the South.”

“The what?”

Exasperated Y/N mustered a reply; “…Ugh, don’t worry bout it.”

Her innocent smile emerged displayed for Ellie’s eyes only.

“I lurve you, Y/N.” Their foreheads bumped lightly causing a giggle to stir between the pair; “Back at ya, kid.”

Little did they know who had been standing on the other side of the door hiding just out of plain sight. Joel gulped hoping for the spit to help his now parched throat. I can’t lose her. I won’t lose her.

His boots smacked heavily against the cement closing the distance between. Y/N yelped surprised by the sudden intrusion. Now or never.

“Y/N.”

[king-paimon]

I've read up on your blog through a lot of Houseki no Kuni's manga. I liked your analysis though I gotta say come the last chapters, specifically since chapter 95, I didn't always agree with them.

I didn't need the end to be happy sunshine and rainbows, or the opposite, for Phos to go all revenge monster on the gems either. But at the end there, I felt like we all just accepted everything Ichikawa threw at us with no criticism, all that torture flattening the narrative's nuance, and if I didn't like it, I was seeing it through the wrong angle.

I know you don't act like that, which I appreciate. Throught all your reviews, you expressed understanding on why so many people disliked the story. Thank you for that, thank you for not being judgemental. And I'm glad you enjoyed the ride.

I just couldn't help but feel like so many story threads were left lose, and so many complete 180°s were thrown that didn't match the story or it's characters. Some people described it as a self-sabotaged narrative, and I see it. It wasn't enough to give me catharsis - especially with the character set up as the villain getting everything he wanted.

I guess I just had higher standards, which the story didn't meet. That is not a bad thing, after all.

I think my biggest gripe is with how Cairngorm's character was handled, and I'd like to include this here. The ambiguity of their predatory relationship was in poor taste, and remained unaddressed. I can see why so many of my friends left the series when that plot point happened. They deserved better.

Hi @intoxtinction! Thank you for sending me this message and sorry that it took me so long to finally respond. Real life has been kicking my butt and free time to do anything on here is a rarity. But I still wanted to write a response to you because I really loved your response! And yes, I saw the comment you left on my last HnK meta post. You're good; don't worry about it!

Thank you again for your kind words. I'm glad that you like my posts, even if they sometimes become long, nonsensical rambles and especially if you don't agree with some of my points! I love that. Whenever I wrote my posts, I always try to keep an open mind and take into account that all fans are different and would have different views when it comes to works works like HnK. As far as I can see, HnK is one of those works that is supposed to draw up conversations because it's not a simple, straight forward story with clear distinction between black/white moral characters. Everyone who reads it is going to view the events in the story differently based on their own beliefs and even if everyone's views conflict with one another, I think it's fascinating and even wonderful. So even if I may not agree with some fans when it comes to certain aspects of HnK, I never hold it against them. I don't want to demonize anyone for how they interpret the story, at least not too harshly anyways. I know when I'm biased, but I don't let that stop me from at least trying to understand where other fans are coming from. HnK was such a fascinatingly complex and unconventional story, and the fact that it can spur many views and feelings from people is one of the reasons whyI liked the series.

With that being said, however, I also think it's important to be open to properly critique our favorite works. HnK is not immune from these critiques, because for as much as I enjoyed following the story over the past couple of years, there are many aspects in the overall story that were far from satisfying. So many loose ends, incomplete character arches, and questionable story decisions... After being away from the story for some time now, it's become more apparent that there were many aspects to the HnK that has me question Haruko Ichikawa's story telling abilities. Don't get me wrong, she's shown to be a very fascinating storyteller and I overall liked what she created. But when it comes to the incomplete story threads for all of the other characters besides Phos, I can't tell if some of Ms. Ichikawa's decisions were intentionally left up for interpretation or if their stories were just not important to complete since at the end of the day, HnK is about Phos's story. One of these decisions I question the most about is Cairngorm's story arch, so I couldn't agree more with you, @intoxtinction. Cairngorm was done dirty in so many ways and they deserved a more satisfying ending to their story.

I was planning on writing two last posts that would be focusing on these topics. But because life has been kicking my butt too much lately, I don't know when they will be out, if at all at this point. But if I'm able to complete them, I hope you'll get the chance to read them and share your own thought. And again, it's totally fine if you don't agree with my points; I'd still love to read them!

[nescaveckwriter]

Smoky Old Barrooms, Saving Grace & Guitars - Chapter Three

A/N: … Y'all this one is just so Awwww we find out what's the matter with Grace, we meet her sister Kelly and her fiancé Benny, and then we see what Dean is feeling and the rest is just beautiful but sad moments. I hope y'all like it, also just a little side note, the song/poem that was used was written by me. Okayz that's it for now my bugs, I hope you enjoy, let me know okay. Love y'all, bye-bye Warnings: 18+ Only Mentions of a medical condition, bit swearing, heartache, Characters: Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer, Benny Lafitte, Grace Tucker, Kelly Tucker Words: 1474 Cover & Pictures: Pinterest, Canva, Google Side Note: Please check out my Masterlist for more, epic stories

Also song is: Charles Esten "Out of the blue" - Yes I am struggling with my Signal, some stuff works the rest doesn't. Xo but anywayz love y'all.

There's melodies playing over the radio station as the Chevy Impala roars down the road, Dean hums with the Led Zeppelin song, as he takes in the early sunrise, he always tries to drive out to the spot where he clears his mind, sometimes with some black coffee, other times with some beer or bourbon, it just really depends on the mood. But this morning he feels lighter, after the last couple of weeks, he met that beautiful woman again, turns out she was the other artist Bobby wanted him to sing with, not that he's complaining, there's something about her, he just can't explain, but her light is so contagious, she seems so carefree so happy. Oh damn and her voice, she sounds like an southern angel. The Radio presenter breaks his deep thoughts.  "And now, what we all have been waiting for, Ladies and Gents, Cowboys and Cowgirls, the one and only Grace Tucker" Dean immediately turns the radio up, what are the odds.

Her sweet voice comes over the speaker, "Howdy Rick," she let's out a soft giggle "I'm so honored to be here with y'all, thank you for having me"

"So tell me Grace, how did you manage it to bring out two albums in a year?"

"I've got a great manager and producer, Kelly, my sister, and if the creativity has a hold of you, you got to run with it"

Laughing now, "It must be fun working with your sister?"

"Yes, she is amazing, she keeps me in line and helps me remember the important stuff, I love her so much, and wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for her, and all of you of course"

"You don't see family working so closely together anymore, so tell me Grace, do you think your new album with reach platinum status?"

Laughing, "I'm not sure, I guess it depends if the listeners will like it"

"Tell us a bit more about your song's please"

 "Well Rick I draw inspiration from everyday situations and experiences, it's mostly about things about the heart you know, we all take it for granted sometimes, but its one of the most complex parts of our human existence"

"I have no words Grace, that is enough to make some of our listeners cry so early in the morning"

Grasping "Oh my, I'm sorry, not my intention, but I love it when it awakens everyone's emotions"

"Miss Tucker, that's the one thing all of your songs, does, so without further due, would you please sing us a little something"

"Oh I would love to, thank you, y'all will be the first that hear my new single" Picking up the guitar, adjusting the microphone, smiling "this one's called, 'No Good No More' I hope y'all enjoy it"

I heard the news today

No use for any further delay

My heart's no good no more What else could I ask for

A few more years Without all the heartaches and tears

A few more memories A few more stories

Could someone please tell me why Why I should leave And say goodbye Help me to believe

In something more than just me Leaving behind what I know, how can this be

I've gotten the news today And there's no other way to say

My heart's no good no more It will never be the same as before

So with one last wave I ask you to keep this memories save.

I will walk away right about now Before this heartache starts to show

The moment her sweet voice stopped, the were hands clapping over the radio, Dean sat there, looking out over the city on that hilltop, he felt mesmerized, that felt so personal, so real and authentic, the question is who would break her heart.

As she walked out of the studio, to the parking space, that's when she felt the old familiar wooziness, heart beating rapidly it feels like a drummer's trying to figure, if he's playing a rock or a love song, dryness in her mouth, croakiness in her throat,  the ground and sky is spinning in front of her eyes, a total blur in front her eyes, trying to get something to hold onto, to steady her in place, but nothing it didn't take long for her body to plunge towards the ground, she just sat there in the middle of the road, trying to find her balance, find strength to get up, but the exhaustion took over, placing her hand over her chest, trying to calm it down, she used the other hand to pull out her phone, pressing down '1' she's got her sister on speed dial, it felt like the phone was ringing forever, her voice friendly "Hey Gracie, what's up? Done at the studio?"

She can barely form audible words, "Kelly, help" is all she could get out, before her world turned dark.

"Grace, Gracie, come on, open your eyes for me please sweetie" Kelly pleaded 

Her eyes started to open slowly, glancing into her sister's brown watery eyes, her voice hoarse "Hey sis, you came" 

Overjoyed "Of course, I came you called, you scared the hell out of me, you know that?"

Coming up to her elbows, realizing she's in her sisters bedroom, the only noticing Kelly's fiancé, "Oh hey Benny!, didn't see you there" looking in her sisters direction again, "I'm sorry Sis, I didn't mean too"

Benny just nodded, when she said hello, but he stays quiet for most of this, he struggles to find the right words, how does he comfort the love of his life, when they all know the inevitable, its  only a matter of time, before Grace says goodbye forever. It broke Kelly when Grace told her, she's in her final stage of heart failure, the doctors said she had a year left, maybe! He's the one who hold's his bride to be, sobbing in his arms every night. This is supposed to be a joyful time for him and Kelly, but instead their heartbroken, he's known Grace for ten years and she's like a little sister to him. He can't deny it, the moments when he's not around Kelly or working he would occasionally break down as well, due to the fact of how unfair life is. No one deserves it, especially not her. Kelly's voice shook him out of his deep thoughts. "Baby, could you please grab a glass of water" nodding "On it darling" Benny said with a small smile curving on his handsome features.

"Grace, you need too take it slower, please, you need to get enough rest"

She just faintly nods, her voice brittle "I'm sorry, I will I promise" Kelly sits down on the bed, wrapping her arms over her sister's fragile body, kissing the top of her head, saying softly "I love you Sis"

Tears streaming over her cheeks "I love you too!" trying too clear her throat she breaths "I'm scared" 

Kelly thumbs away the tears, trying to cover the pain in her voice, "Me too sis, me too" 

Seeing the old man, with his ball cap sitting at the table busy with the contract that was sent him, for Dean's and Grace's duet. 

"Hey Bobby, how's things looking, when can we start with the tour?"

Irritation clear on the old features, "I am not sure if this is going to work boy, Grace's manager has stipulated that the two of you can do the show together, but there will be no touring"

Confused "But why? I thought the whole point of this, was to release an album and do a country wide tour, maybe even world wide!"

"Exactly, I will get on the phone and set up a meeting with her immediately" 

"Thank you Bobby, I really want to make this album with her, I've even started working on a couple of new songs"

Bobby just smiled and nodded.

"Speaking of songs, do you know if everything is alright with Benny, he just ran out, after he had a call from his fiancé and I haven't heard a word from him yet, we are supposed to work on that new song?"

Bobby just shook his head and went on with reading the contract further, making notes about what he wanted to remember. 

Dean just walked out of the office, humming Grace's new song to himself, it's stuck in his head but he doesn't really mind, everything about her is burned into his memory, her sweet angel voice, the stage lights dancing around in her eyes, her strawberry hair flowing in the night sky, and then her lips, wondering what it tasted like, knowing he probably shouldn't , but he's falling in love with her, he felt alive for the first time in so long, new music is running through his veins, as for his heart, it was somewhere between beating rapidly and coming to a stand still. Wondering if she might feel the same.

[bluegekk0]

Are there any self-care routines the family does?

Hmm let me think. I suppose their ideas of self-care are very broad, so I'm just going to assume anything they do to make themselves feel better physically or mentally counts

Also, I hope it's okay but I'll only answer about a few of the characters (Vyrm, Grimm and Hornet). I'm a little tired and I don't want to turn this into a huge wall of text. Feel free to send extra asks about this about the rest of the characters some time, I would love to answer to those then

Vyrm - he actually developed a lot of self-care routines since it helped him gain more confidence after everything he went through. Aside from things you'd expect that maybe he wasn't able to do before, like getting enough sleep, engaging in his hobbies and maintaining a good fulfilling diet, he makes sure to get a lot of physical exercise. He goes on little walks around Dirtmouth every day, usually to visit the market or just greet his friends and see what they're up to, though a lot of times he does so to find solitude and relax. Working with a lot of metals as a job, for example when he makes complex mechanisms for tools, particularly large farming tools, means that he does a lot of weight carrying since he handles it all by himself, you can see the effects of that when looking at his fairly muscular arms. He also makes sure to maintain good hygiene; he never had trouble with that during his rule, but the few weeks in the wilds put him in a situation where that wasn't really possible, so now he remembers to give it special attention. He struggles with baths because of his fear of drowning (he prefers if Grimm is there with him to hold his hand and encourage him), but thankfully there is a system of simple showers installed in the town, so he's able to clean himself regularly. His claws and horns need some special care as well, he can trim his claws himself but he needs some help with filing down his horns to the desired length. After all of that, he feels a lot better about himself, which lets him go about his day with a much better mindset.

Grimm - a lot of his self-care routines are related to his looks, he's very aware of his appearance and wants to look as good and desirable as he can. In many ways his role as the Troupe Master and a star in many of its performances play a big part, as did other things in his past, though he primarily does it for himself. He enjoys looking good, I think that is clear by how he carries himself. Of course, Vyrm is also a big reason why he gives his appearance extra attention. He spends a lot of time maintaining his fur, washing and brushing it to give it extra volume, and keeping it at the desired length (which is quite a bit longer than it used to back in the day, so that is a big influence Vyrm had on his looks) is part of his routine. His claws also get extra attention, he makes sure to trim them so they still look good while preventing any situations where he can accidentally scratch his family members, not to mention making sure they have just the right amount of shine. Physical activity is also important for him, he exercises regularly and goes on walks with Grimm, not to mention anything physically demanding related to the performance rehearsals. That said, he still remembers to take it slow sometimes, and something he particularly enjoys is reading books and, of course, drinking his favorite tea.

Hornet - most of her self-care routine that is worth mentioning includes relaxing her explosive personality and trying to find some peace so that her anger outbursts don't get in the way of loving and appreciating what she has. She picked up reading as a hobby she really enjoys, she also helps Holly with sewing, which is something she finds very relaxing, and in moments where she's close to losing her cool, she likes to practice some breathing exercises to stay calm. On top of that, she frequently goes on walks, especially longer walks around the neighboring regions, which double up as patrols. The woods next to Dirtmouth are a new walk destination which she developed a liking for throughout the years, she really enjoys walking among the trees (which she wasn't used to as the vegetation underground is usually a lot smaller) and climbing them to get an even better view of the town.

[karasbroken]

This week we're getting a tiny scene once again from my favorite episode, The Way We Weren't, and then a little bonus moment because I can't help myself. John listening to Aeryn talk about Velorek and having all kinds of emotions about it.

"So... uh......mm.... y--........ Did you love him?"

It's just a masterclass in subtle character interactions, where when you really know the characters there's just so much happening, in five seconds of hemming and hawing. This is slightly slowed down, just so I can enjoy the journey Ben Browder takes us on.

I'm going to cut tag because I love your dash, but click for rambling and bonus gif.

It starts with him still processing that Aeryn called Velorek her "lover", because as he says, John's "never heard her use that word before". He's smiling, his eyes are lit up--it seems like it's slightly baffling and wondrous to him how she's talking, because it's so unlike her to be that effusive. I assume Aeryn has talked about sex before with John (see my collected works), but always in a dismissive or utilitarian way.

But the way he bites his lip makes it also clear that his reaction is so strong and complex that he needs to suppress it. To hold back until he can actually understand why he's having so many feelings about a simple word, and get himself under control. John always shows his emotions in his mouth.

Then we see him start to stutter as he realizes that this Velorek person--who he's never heard of before despite over a year of spending most of their waking hours together--was deeply important to Aeryn, as a sexual partner, but also apparently something more than sexual. And John's never even realized that she could feel something more than friendship for someone, sexual relationship or not. Or at least that she might realize she was feeling something more than sexual attraction, since John has seen other instances of her having emotions she didn't know how to name.

And then it clicks--that little frown--and he gets serious again as he realizes that this means Aeryn understands romantic love. And there's so many possibilities he never let himself believe in before because of that revelation. Aeryn can take a lover. Not just a recreation partner, a lover. You can see the hope start to tip the corners of his lips up, as he turns back to her and he has to ask the question. "Did you love him?"

But then for the last part of the trip I have to add in this little clip from a few seconds later, after Aeryn confirms that she would say now that it was love...

"Right."

I remember listening to some audio podcast that normally I mostly agreed with--maybe it was Muppets, Sex & Trauma, but it could have been So Farscape or Bizarre Podcast: Space Puppets. Whichever it was, the commenters on this scene were lauding that John hadn't done the typical thing of being jealous that Aeryn had a sexual past. And I had to just stop listening for a second because, yes, it's quiet. You have to be watching closely. It helps to see the two moments right after each other, because in these gifs you can really see the tonal shift between cuts, from excited to reserved. But wow, John is clearly, to me, momentarily consumed with a jealousy he wasn't expecting. (Ben confirmed this in audio commentary, as I recall.)

The lips again, as always, are John's tell. He presses them together, his whole mouth flattening for a second, as he feels the surge. His gaze breaks again, from meeting Aeryn's eyes to looking inward as he deals with his emotions. And then the bobbing of his Adam's apple as he gulps, choking back some array of responses that he isn't going to let himself express.

Right after this he tries to almost literally shake it off, a little head shift, like he needs to crack his neck to relieve tension, and then he's moved on, because this conversation is not about him and his feelings about Aeryn having had this deep connection with someone in the past. He knows that. He is mature enough to expect Aeryn to have had a past, and I don't think he's feeling actually possessive of her, or disappointment that she's not an emotional virgin, or anything similarly toxic.

But this person, who he has all these unspoken feelings for--unspoken at least partially because he has assumed for a while now that Aeryn would never return or even understand love the way he did--has just revealed that she does know love, and has experienced it so deeply and painfully that it can render her more vulnerable then he has ever seen her. And yeah, for one little second, he has to feel that jealousy and anger (because this past relationship hurt her), and then has to swallow that down. And I don't think the less of John for it.

[ashtxeman]

Punch-Out Relationship HC's!

I must clarify.. most of these are PLATONIC relationships! I'll get into the more fun stuff another time.. huhuhuhu. Minor Circuit

Joe and Kaiser are of course together, and have been for a few years now. Alongside this Joe's also great friends with Disco and a nice pal to Hippo when need be (he was previously afraid of Hippo but outgrew that fear).

Kaiser isn't one to make friends but is one to have a boyfriend ironically, who is Joe. He likes Disco and Hippo but only sees them as work friends, rather than personal friends. Hippos growls also tend to startle him, so he's always on edge around him.

Disco is super friendly and considers everybody a great friend, but Hippo is 100% his bestie.

Hippo returns the favour to Disco! He appreciates Disco for everything he does and values their friendship. He also likes Kaiser because he quite likes his moustache but isn't aware that Kaiser actually fears him quite a bit. With Joe, he's more of a work friend who he enjoys playfully mocking from time to time.

Major Circuit:

Hondo is on good terms with everybody, and isn't one to hold a grudge. He'll call everybody a friend at least, and that's true even for Don who he isn't as close to. Alternatively he's besties with Hugger, and even though he is good friends with Tiger he knows he's afraid of him deep down for some reason..

Hugger is like Disco in the sense that he just likes everybody! He thinks of all his fellow circuit members as great friends even if it isn't a mutual opinion.

Tiger is fine with everybody, except Don who he constantly argues with and the rest of the time just manages to tolerate.

Don has a sort of superiority complex over the rest of the circuit which weighs down his opinions on them, but he doesn't actively hate any of them.. he's just annoyed by Tiger 90% of the time and mildly inconvenienced by him the rest.

World Circuit:

Aran is obviously complicated for everyone. You love him, you hate him, or you're about to hate him. But he has opinions too! He tolerates Macho on the rare occasion he isn't loving him being the easiest boxer to tease and play pranks on, on account of his himbo-ness. He quite likes Bull because of how rowdy he can get, and as for Soda they bond quite well due to their shared interest in drinks. As for Sandman, Aran thinks he's too big for his boots but has learnt not to cross the line around him lest he get his ass kicked.

Soda is an overall nice guy who just likes everyone, considering everyone at least a pal to him. Bull is his bestie, and Aran is a close second.

Bull barely tolerates anybody.. except Soda. He finds Macho annoying, he finds Aran aggravating and he's just fine with Sandman, because he's quiet.

Macho is an odd fellow. He acts like he's above everyone else but in reality he often sees himself as an inferior person. When Bull is being Bull, he's terrified, but any other time he's just fine. Soda is good enough to meet his standards, and Aran makes him cry all the time so he's very low on the Macho list of recommendation. As for Sandman.. well, the cupid isn't far away from those two, let's say.

Sandman does his best to be nice to everybody outside of his work facade, but unfortunately some people make that very hard. He likes Macho when he volunteers to help with jobs (which is a weird amount) but finds it hard to attain that when he's.. being Macho. He finds Bull fine, but wishes he'd get his anger sorted, and he thinks Soda is a very nice man who doesn't get enough credit. Like anybody.. He lives his life with Aran in it just fine.

All:

Joe is obviously afraid of Aran, but Aran does go on to treat him better and he gets a little more neutral. As for Aran to Joe, he likes him because he's fun to tease.. but he also likes his cooking.

It's clear at this point, Aran and Hondo are besties.

^ This also goes for Tiger and Aran oddly enough! They have chaotic energy on opposite ends of the scale, and it balances out.

Kaiser and Soda seem to get along nicely, and often have interesting conversations about their histories with each other. There's a nice sense of privacy between them. However, Kaiser is scared of yet another person.. that being Sandman, but he'll hopefully get over that fear. Kaiser is also on good terms with Bull, and is surprisingly good at calming him down.

An odd relationship between Disco and Tiger, as Disco doesn't really talk with Tiger because.. Tiger avoids him. For some reason, Tiger is afraid of Disco Kid. But alternatively, Disco is very buddy buddy with Sandman! Sandy gives Disco boxing tips, Disco gives Sandy dancing tips. 

Hippo quite likes Sandman because he usually brings snacks in for him, but Sandman just does it so Hippo won't pester him. Close to Sandman though, there's Macho, who like a shocking amount of things is scared of Hippo. He has a fear that Hippo might try eat him (Sandman assures him this isn't true obviously). 

Macho and Don really don't like each other. They both accuse the other of being selfish and egotistical (or an eggo which is what Macho says). They're both right. However, Macho does want to get some advice about something from Don.. 

Another with Macho, he and Hugger are the type of people to walk past each other in the street and tilt their hats. 

Aran and Don? Enemies till the end. Don hates Aran for taking his spot in the World Circuit, Aran returns the hatrid because he likes how annoyed it makes Don.

Sandman has a lot! On one hand, he'll gladly stop to talk with Don or Hondo if he goes by them, but on the other hand he's great friends with Hugger over a shared love for animals and great friends with Joe because of the classic big guy, small guy dynamic. However, he dislikes Tiger for a particular decision he made that is also the reason Hondo is always uneasy around him.. Hugger, Hondo and Sandman know about this incident, and specifically keep it away from Disco's ears.

Hugger and Bull.. just call them the bald bros! Hugger is another person who's good with getting Bull calm, mostly with animal talk. Hugger also finds himself interacting with Macho quite often because Macho sees him as a fountain of knowledge, and always has a million questions.

[rise-my-angel]

You are sooooo right about shippers not engaging with Jon as his own character. It’s especially weird for me (despite enjoying Jonerys in theory) to see Jonerys shippers doing this because like. They haven’t met. None of them are show!Jonerys fans for obvious reasons so it’s just the book versions of these characters and they have not met. Literally it’s all speculation about their dynamic. Despite being open to the ship under specific circumstances I don’t think it’s undeniably foreshadowed at all. Everything that gets called foreshadowing is tenuous. You can’t generally definitively call something foreshadowing until the events being purportedly foreshadowed actually come to pass, unless it’s truly really screaming in your face obvious but if it’s that obvious I’m not sure if it’s that good from a writing perspective. I think foreshadowing should only really be clear in retrospect. Shippers also are so selective in what they’ll acknowledge just do they can hold onto these moments. Like jonsas and the Slynt beheading. You’re so right that it is a JON moment. And shippers refuse to acknowledge that George say he was originally going to have Slynt HUNG, not beheaded, until someone pointed out that Jon would want to do it the northern way. Of everyone I think Jonrya shippers do the best at acknowledging Jon as his own character and I think it’s because there’s so much in the actually text demonstrating how much Jon and Arya care about each other. It’s not speculation unlike with Jonsa and Jonerys. It’s just that they read this and think it’s romance instead of sibling love. I can’t say I blame them because of the original outline, but it’s also a ship that is really really not for me because they were raised as siblings.

I actually sent you an ask months ago and forgot to check your response. I finally found it. I discussed how much upbringing influences how we know who our relatives are and that that’s why Jonerys doesn’t make me uncomfortable the way Jonrya and Jonsa do. I’m an evolutionary biologist so I fully understand why incest is avoided. However, I didn’t know how much we actually CAN detect our blood relatives without being raised to know who they are. I fully believed it was entirely upbringing, because upbringing is sufficient to establish someone as “relative” in our brains (ie adopted siblings recognize each other as siblings and are repulsed by the idea of mating despite not sharing blood). But I came to the false conclusion that because it was sufficient it’s the only mechanism. I did some looking into it and you’re right! There’s evidence that we can subconsciously smell our relatives based on MHC complexes—however this isn’t 100% reliable because sometimes our relatives will have differing MHC complexes and nonrelatives will have very similar ones just based on recombination and the gene pool of the population, but that’s why the upbringing factor exists as a supplement to innate biological factor. I appreciated being prompted to learn more!

However I’m not sure George would take this into consideration. Within the universe of the books, I think it’s perfectly feasible that they wouldn’t biologically recognize each other as relatives because there are many cases of non first degree incest (first degree being siblings and parents) being carried out without any disgust. However real life is obviously different I do not blame anyone at all for being opposed to a ship based on real life principles. There are lots of ships I oppose that would be fine in-universe based on my own real life principles.

Anyway I’ve said a lot here and sorry for all the words. I just really enjoy discussion and it’s hard to have any nuanced conversations in the fandom because of the issues we’ve mentioned here and I’m eager to find someone so willing to engage with people who have different opinions

You wrote me an essay, so I wrote you a novel in return. I am sorry in advance but I love rational and calm, respectful discussions and debate and you thus far have been a great sport for my word vomit.

This isn't directed at you personally, but more of a blanket statement in saying, it is just very odd and funny that in this specific fandom, I find myself having to be more knowledgeable about the harmful physical, genetic, and psychological impacts of incest, to explain why I am against it, then those who are for it. It is just very funny how much defending I do about not supporting incest ships, compared to any other fandom where any incest shippers live in the dark because they know it's weird and gross.

That being said, I'm addressing Jonrya first. Because, I have gone on record to say I personally think shipping that is very gross.

Show or Book, that is a dynamic where any romantic implications being attached to it are very uncomfortable. Arya is so deeply ingrained in his head as his baby sister that adding any romance to that makes Jon look incredibly predatory. Arya is still a very young child in the single digits in the books, and Jon is very clearly at the start of the show a man in his 20's.

I do not think claiming anything of the outline is any reasonable argument. It was in an outline which was scrapped for a reason. As a writer, I wouldn't want any of my initial outline ideas to be used as proof of canon. It isn't canon one way or the other and I do not accept it as fair use of evidence for a ship. Jons canon thoughts about her are textbook loving older brother. It feels predatory to make Jons thoughts of a very young, child Arya to be that of romantic. It makes him appear as if his closeness and kindness were all tinted in a different intent towards a child.

Arya in every adaptation, is too young. I will never support any evidence of that ship because it is the exact kind of predatory dynamic which Jonrya fans denounce in other ships involving older man/younger woman characters. I hate this idea of taking Jons point of view and deciding his affection is not brotherly, only when discussing his sisters. It takes away the validity of Jons character being a good big brother, because now his good brotherly nature only towards his sisters is rooted in predatory behaviour whether they realize it or not. This goes for Jonrya and Jonsa both.

Moving on, you did hit the nail on the head about the “proof” about Jon and Dany. Foreshadowing is not a common tool used whenever grrm writes anything. Foreshadowing is a very specific tool he uses to elaborate more on motifs and themes and over arching plots, rather then for every minute character dynamic. Jon and Dany have literally no evidence that a ship will exist. They are not even on the same continent and they are constantly shown to be at extreme moral opposites to one another.

There is no scrap of proof a relationship or even base attraction will ever exist. That is all pure fan theory with no in text evidence. Same with Jon and Sansa. Jon doesn't not think about Sansa because he loves her the most. That is not Jon Snow, we know that. He thinks constantly about the people he loves, and there is no evidence backing up he doesn't think of her often for love that is not also pure fan theory with no empirical evidence. Sansa had rarely ever thought about Jon and when she has more times then not, it was associated in a negative light. Her points of view about her bullying of Arya showcase that, as she insults and wishes to denounce Arya as someone she should care about in ways that connect her to Jon. Wishing Arya was a bastard like him because she doesn't want to call her a trueborn sister. Repeatedly noting Arya looks just like Jon and then exploring the times Sansa constantly thinks Arya is ugly. The only time she has any growth about this is when she is being talked down to when posing as Petyr Baelish's bastard daughter, and she doesn't like being treated that way, but it is not explored that Sansa has literally treated Jon worse then this her whole life. She has not yet even realized she engaged in the exact same kind of classist treatment that Catelyn treated him with.

So much of what Jonerys, Jonsa, and Jonrya shippers do, is look at Jon and discuss it in a way that supposedly symbolizes their ship. They do NOT analyze their female fave and associate how deeply it all ties to their ship. Jons story is always secretly about the ship, but the other female part of the ship is their own story who will only be about Jon when they get together. Jon is not the character they like, it is the girl. Jon is the love interest, the accessory to their story. Not a unique half all of his own.

As for the incest, because these people all function biologically the same as we do, other then when magic is inferred, it is reasonable to assume real life science is included. Grrm does not need to tell me about invisible pheromones or scent markers for me to apply that to the characters. It is indirectly supported by the sheer fact that most characters within the world of asoiaf do not engage in incest and do not support it. Meaning, 99% of the average population of asoiaf are not attracted to their family members what so ever. Meaning it is reasonable to assume the same biological factors are at play here.

But the thing about certain incest dynamics not being carried out with disgust doesn't really apply with Jon ships here. Jons three biggest ships are his little sisters, and his aunt. Two family relations that both physically and psychologically are the most harmful to engage in. The dynamics of incest shown to be the most psychologically harmful is sibling to sibling incest, parent to child incest, and aunt/uncle to nephew/neice incest. Those are such close familial ties with SO many shared biological markers that it is not reasonable at all to think not knowing each other at first would make that biological connection less important. I only met my aunt in my mid 20's and from that moment on she has been as much my aunt in my head as my mother is my mother. Once that knowlede of family is made, it will not be severed. If Jon is not inclinced already towards incest, he will never engage in it with that knowledge.

Dany is his aunt. Dany also, has very inbed genetics to a shocking degree, meaning the biological markers she shares with Jon would be so strong she basically would wreak of red flags. And learning they have such a close biological connection would instantly sever any possible ability in Jon to view her in any romantic or physical attraction sense. He was not raised like her. Jon does not now think incest is normal, and thus he never will.

Also, learning Dany is his aunt would make any physical or romantic dynamics extremely traumatizing for him. The second Jon learns the truth of his birth, Jon will realize that he is related to Dany in the exact way Jon spent his whole life thinking he was related to the woman who was his mother. Jon learning his aunt was actually his mother, would destroy any capability of a relationship with Dany.

That would utterly change every single way he views any character in a motherly or aunt manner. It would destroy that potential in an instant because now Dany is to Jon, what Jon previously thought his mother was to him. It would be traumatizing should a relationship already exist and it would sever any chance of a relationship forming if it hadn't existed already.

The reason the Targaryeans did the most incest and are almost extinct, is because their engaging in incest was not sustainable and it was harmful.

Shown by characters like Egg, who literally grew up his whole life trying to escape the incestual nature of his family. One of his brothers made threats about cutting off his manhood in terms of making a wife for himself. That is not a family who engages in incest beceause they think it is normal. This is a family raised to view their incest in terms of furthering a bloodline because they see themselves as superior to those they rule over. They do not think it is fine, they do it because they raise each other to think it is necessary to further their superior bloodline. And they paid the price. Targaryean women the more inbred they were struggled to give birth, struggled to carry pregnancies to term and often died on the birthing bed with alarming freqency for how short their dynasty lasted.

It is not sustainable and it is harmful. The main plot beat of the story was literally how so many people viewed the incestual relationship of a brother and sister to be an abomination, that wars were started to dethrone them and the population and faith turned against them for it. This is not a world where people think incest is fine, unless it is a learned behaviour their whole life.

People can ship it, it's fine. But despite how much he writes it, grrm time and time again has shown that those in asoiaf who engage in incest, pay a deep, harmful price for it. He writes it a lot, but writing a lot of it does not mean he thinks it is behavior which should be supported for his charcters. Otherwise those who engage in such close incest, would not constantly be punished for doing so.

I have to apply real world logic to being anti incest, because my excuse of “I think it's gross” has been deemed as hateful and unfair. So you can imagine it is frustrating to see my favourite character is primiarly shipped with either women with VERY close biological or familial ties to him, or his rapist.

So, yeah I love talking about Jon but so much of it is me defending why I have never been convinced of any pro incest arguments. It is a goofy situation to be in.

Those who followed me for my pedro pascal content are dying on the inside, I decided I loved Jon Snow and suddenly my blog keeps becoming a haven of debates around the morality of incest.

It is silly silly silly.

[bijouxcarys]

𝐌𝐲 𝐔𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

**SPOILERS AHEAD, don't be that dick that complains about spoilers when there's a clear warning, and it's been 2 whole days since the event**

All these opinions are my own, and some may not be popular, and most will be controversial in essence. Probably. Maybe I'm just not used to people agreeing with me?

I was so excited for this PLE, and the fact that it was held in Scotland. I'm not Scottish, but I do live in Northern England, which is the closest I've ever been to a WWE PLE.

On the run-up to CATC, these were my predictions:

Cody Rhodes d. AJ Styles Bianca Belair & Jade Cargill d. Alba Fyre & Isla Dawn and Shayna Baszler & Zoe Stark Sami Zayn d. Chad Gable Bayley d. Piper Niven Drew McIntyre d. Damien Priest

We'll go chronologically...

Cody Rhodes vs AJ Styles - "I Quit" Match

I'm a realist when it comes to things like this, so I knew that AJ wasn't going to win the championship. However, that doesn't deter from the fact that I wanted him to win so badly.

If you follow me or know me, you'll know my stance on Cody Rhodes... I hate him. I used to really like him, but as soon as he won the 2024 Royal Rumble, he became really tedious to me. Sure, he's a good athlete. But you have to be to make it in WWE. I truly don't understand the hype he got in Scotland, or the hype he gets in general. His "reign" is embarrassing, and so weak coming off the back of Roman Reigns' title run. I don't like the way he holds the belt, I don't like how arrogant he is. And I especially don't like the saviour complex and the "good guy" image he tries so hard to protect and project, when he was quite happy to see his fanbase verbally brutalise another (that's not even mentioning the race-themed insults...)

Anyway, the press event on the Friday solidified how annoying he is to me. The crowd surf? So unneccessary. It was like you could sense the raging hard-on he was getting from the fan's reactions to him being in their presence. There's a way to appreciate support without being a dick.

I enjoyed seeing AJ beat the crap out of Cody, despite the fact I knew that he wasn't going to win. And I actually agree with the fact he didn't win; as much as I love AJ, that title needs to be taken from Cody by someone who's a lot bigger than him. After all, the reason why Cody's win over Roman at WMXL worked was because of the long-form storytelling and the feud that slowly built between them. That, and it was time for Roman to move on to bigger and better things than Cody bloody Rhodes. Believe that.

Also yes I fucking screamed when Solo made his appearence, and then the boys, I'm--

Bianca Belair & Jade Cargill vs. Shayna Baszler & Zoe Stark vs. Alba Fyre & Isla Dawn - Triple Threat Tag Team Match

I have a fair amount of followers/people I'm following who love Jade and Bianca. I understand it. And I 1000% agree with anyone who says Bianca is a phenomenal athlete and has brought a lot for the WWE. I can see Jade's potential, though I'm not entirely sure she's ready to handle anything more than a Tag Team Championship just yet.

I know a lot of people disagree with the outcome of this match, and I can't say that I fully understand why it panned out the way it did. I can only guess that it was the necessity to have at least one Scottish opponent win during a PLE in Scotland.

Bianca and Jade not winning this match is a positive for them, in my opinion. It gives Jade a chance to perhaps develop her presence as a solo performer and athlete, now that Bianca has helped with her exposure to the masses. I'm interested in where they plan to take the two of them as characters and how they evolve in the future... potential enemies? Can't say for certain just yet, but their reaction to the loss was significant and will mean more than we realise as of right now.

That being said, I have the utmost respect for Alba for getting through this, considering what she's had to deal with recently. Losing your mum in such a tragic way is devestating, and I commend her for her strength and ability.

I like Alba and Isla a lot, and I'm hoping that we see more of them in the future now that they have the championship. They deserve a bit of a push.

However, I have to say that I really wanted Shayna and Zoe to win this one. They're a badass tag team, and the crowd's chant of "Shayna scares me" had me rollinggggg!

Sami Zayn vs. Chad Gable

I don't have that much to say about this match. If they chose to take the title from Sami, it would just be weird. To me, anyways.

What I do find wholesome about this whole story is Otis and Maxine. How they're under the manipulative guise of a heel, and Sami sees right through it. Sami harbours no ill feelings towards Chad's subjects, and shows compassion to Otis in particular. Otis' development and personal growth is showing, and I'm so excited for what they're going to do with him in the future.

In regards to the match itself, I don't think anyone can say it was a bad match, or a boring one for that matter. People often forget just how incredible of a wrestler and athlete Sami Zayn is, and mostly remember him as the "Ucey" guy. And whilst I love comedic Sami, I adore the version of Sami we have currently. The hard-hitter, the no-bullshit fiery warrior. Gah!

All in all, in terms of the actual wrestling, this was my favourite match of the night. It was the most entertaining and most satisfying as a viewer.

Bayley vs. Piper Niven

Oh Piper...

I love both of these women to pieces, and it must have been so cool for Bayley to go out there on her birthday and have people acknowledge that.

I always enjoy Piper and Bayley when they're in the ring, together and separately. I still maintain that Bayley and Iyo's match at WMXL was the best of the whole weekend. Bayley's transformation over the last 5 years has been nothing short of entertaining and I love seeing her flourish with the championship.

Piper Niven has one of the strongest willpowers I've ever seen, and it shows in the way she conducts herself in the ring. I would have liked to see either of these win the match, however, I wouldn't have necessarily agreed if Piper did win.

Personally, I think Bayley needs to keep the title a little longer before it's taken from her, and Piper needs to be put in big matches like these for a little longer until she takes a title like that. Like I said with Cody vs. Roman, it's about the build up that makes a win credible, or satisfying.

Chelsea is growing on me, too. She's incredibly funny and talented, and I wish they pushed her a bit more. She's got a huge personality and has the potential to be a lot bigger of a star.

Drew McIntyre vs. Damien Priest

Where's the *sigh* button?

I recently started reading Drew's autobiography so watching Drew have such incredible moments over the weekend only 30 minutes from his hometown hit me a little harder than it should have. And yes, I did tear up at the simple prospect of Drew winning.... Imagine if he did?

Drew is up there in my top 5 favourite wrestlers of all time, and Damien is in The Judgement Day, which is my second favourite faction (after The Bloodline ofc), so deciding who I wanted to win was a very difficult decision. I was positive that they were going to give Drew this win, purely with it being in Scotland, and that the build up has been weighty enough for it to pay off in a win. But the fact that Hunter has chosen to take the other path... makes me nervous for what he does have up his sleeve for Drew.

I was disappointed that CM Punk decided to pop in and fuck everything up (again), but after a while I started to think about it a bit more... It wouldn't have actually made sense for Drew to win this match. And I'll tell you why.

Unless I'm mistaken, the Heavyweight Champion will go on to face Gunther at Summerslam, right? Why would Drew be needing to face Gunther? Surely the only person that it would make sense for Drew to be fighting right now is Punk! Damien has found himself in a situation where he's not involved in the feud between Drew and Punk; he isn't involved in any of that. So Damien vs. Gunther makes more sense, and it allows that space for a Drew McIntyre vs. CM Punk match at Summerslam, or any other PLE.

Not only that, but Damien needs to keep a championship, otherwise Mami has a completely broken faction to return to. Between Finn and Damien's tension, and Dom's predicaments with Liv, a titleless faction is not something they need at the moment.

So, yes, I'm sad for Drew that he didn't get to have his moment in his home country, but it absolutely makes more sense for Damien to win and for the tension between Punk and Drew to intensify... Once again... long-form storytelling always pays off in the end. I'm confident Drew will get a title in the future, and keep it. He really deserves that. And I can only hope that Hunter sees that.

Hunter may not always make the best decisions, or what may seem like it at the time, but he's been in the game (hehe) long enough... I have faith in him that he knows what he's doing and he's got some good stuff lined up for us.

[lilliandwilliam]

Some observations about the latest One Piece chapter I can't get out of my head so will post.. somewhere. Spoilers ahead for One Piece Chapter 1092.

So, Kizaru, which translates to YELLOW MONKEY, has not laughed since his introduction. He was silly enough, so of course there's no reason to raise eyebrows... but then this chapter hits us with a signature One Piece weird laugh, and suddenly his deep depression hits us in the face. Like, it's almost a sick joke that he holds the color yellow which represents optimism and joy, while also being a monkey which are always known as the sillier of animals.

Ironically, yellow monkey would probably be what Luffy's Admiral name would be. Though... I say ironically... this isn't the first time someone has had Luffy characteristics that ended up being sad shells of who they formerly were.

Big Mom, during her moment of amnesia showed just how kind and Luffy like she could've been. I remember finding the amnesia gag kind of weird, but then it became haunting the moment she regained her memories and became cynical and crude. What's even more haunting was seeing how skinny she was in her prime, since it clicked to me that her hunger cravings at some point were not as crippling as they were as a child and in her elder years.

What I'm saying is that this age has been breaking people. Hell, even Akainu/Sakazuki, a clear heel character that is not meant to be liked, is breaking under this world... and it is fascinating. I enjoy characters that I hate as people but enjoy learning more about them in a more complex way.

I just love these pure character moments we've been getting, and I can't wait to see more.

[ink-flavored]

OC Interation Game

Tagged by @noblebs thank you!

Rules: Take the previous player's description of their OC, and offer up one of your own. Describe how well (or not) they'd get along!

Nobleb's OC: Orion Murphy

Orion Murphy is a fae creature with a desperate desire for companionship, which manifests as a set of large fangs on his throat, a host of eyes he can't see through scattered across his body, and a frequent craving for human flesh. he wears fashionable (and often revealing) clothes, travels constantly for a job he hates, and smokes a lot. she is dishonest, self-absorbed, and capricious, but generally a people person. she fears the vulnerability of getting too close to others emotionally, but once she decides to hold onto someone, just about nothing will make her let go.

My OC: Justice

Justice is an angel of the Christian variety, who embodies the virtue of his namesake. He fled Heaven to Earth after being a little too into justice for all humans, even ones that do sinful things, and questioning the system of sending humans to Purgatory to prove themselves worthy of Heaven. He is still incredibly conflicted about his purpose now that other angels have turned on him, and is also very concerned with "being useful" in general to those around him. When he's not in crisis mode, he enjoys doing fun little human tasks like reading and cooking and volunteering. He can sense the pain or distress of any person in his vicinity, especially if it's injustice-related, and is always helping them however he can. He puts humans at ease automatically, so most people trust him implicitly, which is great, because he loves humans and would be friends with everyone if they let him. His halo is always active, shining brightly by absorbing light from other sources around him, and he can unfurl feathered angelic wings if he wants to. He also has a flaming wheel mode he uses exclusively for combat/emergencies.

So. Okay.

I have the feeling that once Orion knew Justice could sense her every waking moment of distress, she would not appreciate that very much and probably feel pretty capricious about it lmao. That automatic and unwilling expression of vulnerability would probably activate that fear of vulnerability you mentioned, and likely would not end well!!!

Luckily (unluckily?), Justice is very used to dealing with Pride, who is very similar to Orion actually, so he would be annoyingly patient and understanding. It's very hard for him to truly dislike anyone when he can feel all the pain that's making them act they way they do. His savior complex would also be running wild and would not let him stop trying to help.

So that would... probably make the situation even worse, because he's not backing off, and Orion doesn't want to open up even though he craves companionship so much because this is already way too much opening up right off the bat, but also maybe it's good? Unless she told Justice outright to fuck off, he would not fuck off, and even if told to fuck directly off, he would make sure he was always open to communication if she ever changed her mind.

I envision a very explosive beginning that slowly, agonizingly cools off once it's clear Justice isn't going anywhere. Angry cat sniffing the new dog vibes.

Summary is Justice saying "ah I've seen this before, you need a new best friend :)" and Orion goes "fuck you fuck you fuck you okay fine."

Tagging: @foxys-fantasy-tales @noblebs @ceph-the-ghost-writer @auntdarth @damageinkorporated @srjacksin @vacantgodling @sigridhawke @void-botanist and anyone else who feels like it!

[annabtg]

In continuation of this post, @apalapucian wanted to know how getting into HP fanfic after HBP came out ruined DH for me. Let me count the ways:

(cut for length)

1. After HBP's release, there were a ton of theories. Being in the fandom meant I was now exposed to all sorts of fics and meta. Many of the theories came true, such as Snape actually being a double agent and working for Dumbledore. I don't think I would have seen it coming, so that was a big reveal that was "spoiled" for me by fandom and lost some of its glamour in the book.

2. Being exposed to theories and then getting into the whole fanfic mindset led me to develop a whole Book 7 in my head (as any good fanfic writer is wont to do). I didn't finish writing before DH came out - which then led me to losing interest over time and never finishing it - but the whole plot of it, Harry defeating Voldemort etc, were very clear in my head, and frankly, a lot of it I believe was better than what we ended up with.

3. After HBP, I became very invested in Remadora, got into the fandom, read and wrote fic, participated in fests, the whole deal. There was so much creativity in that part of the fandom - prequels, stories parallel to the books, stories speculating about their future - and we got a wonderful wealth of complexity, of deep and nuanced characterizations, of stories ranging from cracky humour to heavy angst.

Then DH comes out. They get married immediately, they have a child, then they die. I HAVE SO MUCH BEEF WITH ALL OF THAT. It's a lazy repetition of Jily's story that's supposed to work as a parallel, but what it really does is take two characters who we have already met and know, and force them into a function that doesn't fit them. I spent two years with fic where Remus was a man struggling with his feelings of inadequacy, working through his issues, finding support in a wonderful woman that he loves, and what does DH give me? Wham bang we're married now! I may not have the right to call Remus and Tonks OOC in DH, since it's their canon characterization, but I was super disappointed in how their arc played out. I understand that Remadora is not the focus of the book and they're just a plot device so that we get an orphan who gets the childhood Harry didn't, but man. Getting invested in them just to have it all blow up on my face. Not fun.

4. Same with Snape - a fascinating story of a double agent who's fooled everyone becomes reduced to "he did it all for love". There's a lot to be said about the intent behind it, I can see some merit if I squint, but again, I expected something more original, and I'm also not particularly satisfied with the execution of what we actually got.

I could probably think of more to say, but that's enough to allow me to stop here and summarize:

Overall, getting invested in fanfic, which explores the characters in depth, created in me expectations that DH was not able to hold up to, because it was not meant to do it. DH was not there to get Remadora through a long and hard relationship journey nor was it there to psychoanalyze Snape. These characters were only there to serve Harry's story.

To be entirely fair, I think it wasn't only the fanfic. There are probably more reasons I didn't enjoy DH so much - I was a little older than the target group; JKR probably wrote the book in a rush; I read it in the original English first, whereas the translations are better quality writing, etc. DH isn't bad, but fanfic showed me it could have been done so much better! And, as a story, it could have been so much more.

Thanks for the ask! 😘😘

[farmerlarrry]

Orange Slices (Joel Miller x f!reader)

masterlist | chapter seven | chapter six | read on ao3 | playlist

story summary: A story about finding companionship and love in the midst of chaos.

a/n: Hello! I am so sorry for not posting a chapter in so long. I had some personal stuff going on that warranted my full attention, and it took a lot longer to resolve itself than I anticipated. I promise updates will become more regular (and not be months apart…). Thank you to those who stuck around, again I am so sorry. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and the chapters to come! | This chapter was kind of, sort of messy. I was going to split it into two separate chapters, but decided to post it all as one. I hope you guys don't mind! Also, any small mistakes will be fixed once I get a chance to reread.

word count: 7789

if you want to be notified when I post new chapters, follow @farmerlarrrylibrary and put on notifications! If you'd rather be tagged, just let me know.

Chapter Eight

“Hi, I’m Maria,” The familiar-faced woman approaches you with a wide smile. One of her hands is extended outward to you. You stare at her for a moment with wide eyes. Before she told you her name, you immediately recognized her from the photos Tommy showed you. She looks just like she did when it was taken, as if she hasn’t aged a day. You return her reach and firmly shake her hand. Her eyes are hard, yet contradictingly inviting. 

Nessa guides you over to one of the chairs in the middle of the room. Tommy is sitting in the one next to it, a small wooden table separates the two chairs and has a small vase of dried flowers in the center. As you take a seat he gives you a warm smile, his spirits seem to be up since this morning. You notice a pair of crutches leaning up against the arm of his chair, causing you to shift your gaze down towards his leg. It’s been cleaned and is now wrapped up much better than before, a sense of relief comes over you. 

There’s a small group of people, mainly guards, in the room alongside you, Tommy, Nessa and Maria. The four of you are the only ones in the center of the room. The rest are standing off to the sides, leaning up against the walls, not daring to speak or move. A pit of uneasiness sits in your stomach as you begin to feel everyone’s eyes on you. You try to ignore it, but the feeling begins to become overwhelming.

“Tommy told us a little bit about you and your journey, how you went from Houston to Colorado, you’re a fighter,” Maria suddenly speaks in a confident tone. She is now leaning up against the edge of her desk, her hands clasped in front of her. 

“I had help along the way, bu-but I suppose you could say that,” Your voice is small, barely even hearing yourself. You feel intimidated. 

“You come from the same group as Charles, right? From the apartment building? And before that you were at a QZ?” Maria cocks her head and narrows her eyes curiously. The others in the room exchange complex looks amongst each other at the discovery of this connection. You give her a single nod and see her glance at Tommy for a split second before returning to you. She smiles. “This must be a bit overwhelming for you.”

You go to say something, but nothing comes out. Your mouth is unbearably dry. 

Everyone's heads turn at the sound of Nessa clearing her throat. She’s standing behind Tommy, holding the back of the chair with a firm grip.

“Maybe you can just ask her later? I’m sure she's tired and overwhelmed, like you said,” Nessa chimes in, tightening her grip even more. She’s looking at you with a concerned expression. Classic Nessa, always coming to my rescue… you think, slightly embarrassed at your lack of being able to speak for yourself. It’s like nothing has changed. Maria nods her head at Nessa’s request, pushing herself off of the desk and standing upright.

“Well then, things are simple here. The key to the success of the community is working together,” Maria shifts her attention back on you. “Some tend to the animals, others tend to the garden. There’s a school for the children that is run by some of the parents. There’s much more, but that’s just to name a few. We’ll let you get settled in before talking about your placement. From what Tommy has told me so far, I think you’ll be a great addition to Jackson. Do you have any questions we can answer?”

“Uh… ” You couldn’t think at the moment, you still felt the eyes of everyone looking at you, and you can see Tommy and Nessa both staring at you in your peripheral vision. “Not that I- not that I can think of.” You finally force out.

“If you think of anything, we’d be more than happy to answer,” She takes a few steps toward you. “As for a home, it’s going to take a few days-”

“Maria, if you don’t mind…” Nessa blurts out and Maria directs her attention to her, trying to cover her annoyance with a broad smile. You see Tommy’s eyes go wide and his posture stiffen, he doesn’t move and keeps his eyes locked on the ground. “I was thinking she could take one of the vacant houses in the same area as mine and Tommy’s… maybe the blue one adjacent to Joel’s.” 

“Oh, oh… You and Tommy?” You let out breathily, not thinking before talking. You shift your body to the edge of your seat as Tommy and Nessa let out a soft giggle in unison, looking at each other joyously before turning their attention to you. You stare at the two with your brows drawn together, glancing between them. Nessa is Tommy’s girlfriend? 

“Like I said, lots to catch up on,” Nessa lets out in a childlike, giddy tone.

When you look back at Maria, she has her lips pursed and is slightly nodding her head as if she is contemplating Nessa’s suggestion, or rather request.

“Usually those houses are reserved for… Well, I don’t see why she couldn’t. You wouldn’t mind showing her the way,” She says to Nessa, not waiting for a response, before turning back to you. “You should get some rest and get settled in, Tommy and I will come to talk to you about a placement once we’ve had time to discuss. Sound good?” 

You give her a simple nod.

“Thank you, Maria,” You say as you rise to your feet, she returns your gratitude with a smile before going back around her desk and taking a seat. Everyone else has already begun leaving. Nessa appears at your side with a smile on her face, looping her arm through yours. 

-

“That’s mine and Tommy’s place,” Nessa is pointing at a large, white two-story home before pointing a few houses down at a faded blue two-story home that is just as big. “And that one is yours.” 

“Isn’t it… a little big for just me?” You turn to her, slowing your pace. She ignores you, letting her arm fall to her side and taking the lead toward your new home. 

As you get closer, you come to realize little details of your new home. The faded blue paint has been chipped off in many areas leaving white patches, the porch railing has completely collapsed on one side, I could fix that, you think. Regardless of it’s apparent flaws, it’s yours . 

Nessa is already through the front door, while you’re still at the bottom of the pathway marveling over it. The blue one, adjacent to Joel’s, you look over your shoulder to the house at the end of the street. You have to strain your eyes but you can see a light is on inside through the sheer curtains covering the window. Your heart skips a beat and you find yourself unable to look away.

“Come on in,” Her faint voice pulls you out of your daze. You jog the rest of the way up the pathway, up the steps, and through the door, trying to force any thought involving Joel out of your mind.

Upon entering, you quickly notice the thick layer of dust that covers everything. The interior looks like no one has set foot in it for a very long time. A dust-clad blanket lays messily over the back of the couch, and your heart sinks. It looks like someone had just thrown it over temporarily, thinking they’d be back shortly. A coaster set is scattered on the surface of the coffee table with books stacked neatly just to the side of them. Your eyes move up to the walls, the wallpaper has started to peel, the corners up by the ceiling curling in on themselves, covered in spiderwebs. You walk past Nessa over to the couch and run your fingers along the blanket; dust sticks to your fingers to which you wipe off on your jeans before taking off your backpack and setting it on the ground.

“It’ll take some work to clean it up, but it has potential,” Nessa says unconvincingly, gawking at the dust as she comes out of the kitchen. You silently agree with her, running your eyes all over the different parts of the house again. “Anyway, why don’t you go shower? It’s upstairs, should be the first room to your left. I’ll go grab you a change of clothes, okay?” 

As Nessa leaves through the front door, you slowly make your way up the staircase, looking at the pictures that are still hanging up on the wall; they’re of the family who once lived here. Running your fingers along the glass, you wipe away the dust with the pad of your index finger, revealing two children who looked to be between the ages of five and ten; they were sitting under a tree both bearing large smiles. The same feeling you got when you saw the youth-sized sleeping bag back at the factory with Joel reemerges within you, burning a hole in your stomach. You suck some air in and take down each picture one by one. 

Holding them tightly against your chest, you enter the room on the left as Nessa had said. It looks to be the master bedroom. You gently place the pictures face down on one of the side tables by the bed, taking a seat and covering your face with your hands, running them through your hair over the back of your neck. You let out a heavy sigh. 

-

The tile floor is cool and somewhat soothing on your aching feet. Peeling your socks off, you look down, noticing all the blisters and sores covering the bottom and sides of your feet, on top of your toes, and the back of your heels. You walk over to the small shower, pull back the cracked, plastic curtain, and turn the knob. The water sputters a bit when it first comes on before shooting out with a steady flow. You watch the bottom of the tub as the dust turns to dense clumps of dark gray, following it as it circles down the drain. Turning around, you walk over to the countertop and begin removing everything from your pockets; the folded piece of paper from your back pocket, the stone from your front pocket, and the bottle cap from the other. Steam starts to fill the bathroom. Your fingers linger on the paper, chewing on the inner flesh of your bottom lip as you begin to unfold it. You trace your fingers along the oranges neatly drawn at the top before shifting your focus to where it had been torn. When you look up, the mirror is fully fogged over. You fold the piece of paper back up and hesitate before setting it down with the rest of the items, shrugging off your shirt and slipping off your pants and undergarments, and kicking them off to the side. 

The water stings your skin when you first enter the shower. As you fully emerge your body, you feel every muscle fully relax under the heat, and the steam rolls off your skin. You close your eyes, trying to push all your thoughts from your mind. At this moment, you want to fully relax, pretend life isn’t the way it is, pretend Joel and whatever your feelings toward him don’t exist, the things you’ve had to do to survive never happened. You just want to simply be. 

-

You dread getting out of the warm embrace of the shower. Wrapping the towel around your body and securing it at the top, you walk back over to the mirror, wiping away the condensation that clung to the surface. You see a semi-blurred version of yourself staring back at you. Your face doesn’t look quite as you remember it, you look older, your face is a lot slimmer, and the dark circles under your eyes tell everyone who sees them that you haven’t properly slept in ages. You have a hard time prying your eyes away from yourself, but the sound of something clattering downstairs tells you it’s time to go. 

You put your socks back on before going downstairs to prevent dust from sticking to your damp feet. In one hand you have your old clothes, and the other is holding the top of your towel so it doesn’t fall off. Your hair is still wet, leaving a trail of water droplets. Nessa is on her hands and knees cleaning the floor with a rag. Much of the surfaces have already been wiped off.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it,” she says with a low grunt as she gets up from the ground.

“You’re apologizing for cleaning?” you chuckle, raising your eyebrows. 

“We’ll get the rest later,” she responds, turning to the table with a pile of clothes on the surface. She grabs them, extending them toward you. “Here you go. I can take your old clothes… do you want to, um, keep them, or?”

“Oh, well,” you pause to think. The shirt and long sleeve pullover had tears all over them, the jeans were potentially salvageable if someone could get all the stains out, but you doubt that would be possible. “I suppose you can just get rid of them… Nessa, can we just stay in today, and go get the supplies and stuff tomorrow? I’m tired and I-”

“Of course, we can,” Nessa exclaims, nodding her head with wide eyes. She grabs you by your shoulders and pull you in for a hug. “Go get changed, I’ll continue cleaning. Don’t worry about doing anything today, just rest up, I got this.” 

You turn to head back upstairs to get dressed. Before making it to the top, you stop for a moment, turning back to look at Nessa who has her back facing you. This peace and contentment, it’s new. You smile to yourself, your heart now feeling full. 

-

Nessa practically forces you to relax while she makes dinner, so you take a seat at the now clean dinner table, watching her as she cooks and continue talking to her. She finally tells you about how Tommy and she came to be a couple. They knew of each other long before they officially met. She always found him to be cute, she’d gossip with Heather and Aimee about him, eventually confessing her feelings for him. She and her friends had been at the bar one night, they were celebrating a mutual friend’s birthday. When she went up to get a round of shots for the table, Tommy came up beside her, very obviously flirting with her. After that they became inseparable. They spent their evenings together, he’d take her out to the field just past the greenhouses late at night. Eventually, he asked her to move in with him. Your heart swells with joy as she tells you the story, she has a smile plastered on her face as she speaks, her cheeks flushed a bright pink. You’re happy Nessa, for the most part, had been able to find happiness after everything happened. You’re happy that in all of this, she’s okay. 

She sets down your bowl of chili before taking a seat next to you at the table. The smell overwhelms your senses, nostalgia washing over you, reminding you of your days spent together back at boarding school. Nessa would always make dinner for you and her since the school food was less than ideal, and borderline inedible. 

“Nessa,” you say, wrapping your hands around the warm exterior of the bowl. “How’d you get here?”

Her face drops, pursing her lips as she stirs her chili slowly with the spoon. 

“Do you want the short version or the long version,” She let out a chuckle, her tone sounding sad. 

“Whatever version you’re comfortable with,” You set down your spoon, resting your chin in your hand and offering her your full attention

Nessa’s dad was some big-shot CEO of one of the world’s biggest leading companies, meaning her family was very rich as well as very powerful. He had all sorts of connections and resources due to his status. As word broke out that they were declaring the infection outbreak as a state of emergency, he sent one of his workers from his Houston office to get Nessa. I tried to look for you, I really did, dad said you could come too, but everything was just so chaotic, I couldn’t get back to the dorms and Leon said we needed to leave as soon as possible. The plan was to get Nessa back home to California, but that proved itself to be a lot more difficult than they thought, with the roads being blocked, traffic made it impossible to get anywhere safely, then FEDRA stopped letting people in and out of certain places, they shut down the airports and refused to let planes take off. They had to cut through Utah, but they were unable to get through and eventually FEDRA directed them to the QZ in Salt Lake City. It was really scary when they took Leon away, they separated us shortly after we arrived… I never saw him after that, Nessa said somberly. They just put me into a placement room and gave me no other options, I couldn’t get in touch with my parents, they wouldn’t even let me try. I was so afraid and I was all alone with no answers. She eventually became close with James and his younger sister Megan. Their family took Nessa in and made sure she was safe. James’ dad worked in the radio tower in Salt Lake, he came into contact with an older gentleman, they talked most days, and over time they became friends, he claimed he had a community in Jackson that would offer more security than the QZ’s. All we’d have to do is find a way there, he’d let us all in, no questions asked. James’ mom didn’t want to leave, she was afraid of what was outside of the walls, and felt like the risk wasn’t worth it. After, I don’t know, 3 or 4 years… when things in the QZ’s got really bad, they finally decided to leave and head out to Jackson, they extended the offer to me, I truly had no one else so I joined them. Maybe we underestimated how bad things were, not truly knowing how dangerous things had become but- she let out a heavy sigh, screwing her eyes shut, a tear fell down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. When we got here it was just James, his dad, and of course me. We were the only ones who made it, and James’ dad, unfortunately, became ill not too long after arriving, he didn’t make it… Since then though, things have been pretty great, you know, it's a good thing we have going on here. I met Tommy who I love, I have friends, and now you’re here, so everything is… good.

Nessa’s eyes were red from tearing up, seeing her like this makes your eyes well up with tears as well. 

“I’m really sorry,” Your voice quivers as you speak. Nessa shakes her head. “I should’ve looked for you too, I knew where you were, but I just– I ran Nessa. I didn’t know, I- I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“How’d you make it out?” She spoke quietly.

“I ran into Mr. Erickson in one of the hallways in the main building, he took me to his house and we stayed there for a few days before FEDRA took us to the QZ in Houston,” You responded plainly. Nessa perks up when you say Mr. Erickson’s name.

“Mr. Erickson, the science department’s hot teacher aide, huh?” She smirks through her tears. “What a man to be with when the world ends.”

Both of you laugh in unison.

She asks you about the QZs you were at. You don’t hold back telling her how things truly were, you told her about how you’d go outside of the walls to scavenge for the soldiers. That was how you survived since you didn’t have anything else useful to offer. That conversation eventually led to how you knew Charles, you went into detail about the apartment building, the people who resided there and how you were forced out by a rival group one unfortunate evening.

“Ness, I did some really fucked up things,” You finally look up at her, she’s concentrated fully on you. She’s giving you a blank stare in response. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it.”

She gets up from her chair and wraps her arms around you, burying her face into the crook of your neck. You begin to weep into her shoulder.

“That’s understandable,” she says, muffled. “But if you ever do need to talk about it, talk about anything, I’m always here for you, forever and always. No judgment.” 

The rest of the night, the two of you start to go through the home, setting things aside to go to the donation center and other things in a separate pile that you’d like to keep. You continue talking about life, Nessa tells you about the people of the community, she tells you about her friends who she is very excited for you to meet, and she talks more about Tommy, saying she never thought she’d be able to love someone as much as she loves him. 

Before you know it, the sun sets for the day, the living room area is now dimly lit by a small lamp on the table next to the couch. Nessa is fast asleep, curled up in a ball and snuggly tucked into the corner of the couch. You grab one of the clean blankets she brought over from her and Tommy’s home, shaking it out before draping it over her. For a while, you too try to sleep. The silence that fills the room stings your ears, it’s a little too quiet and you aren’t used to that. The creatures of the night have become your lullaby and without that, you can’t fall asleep. 

You get up and walk over to the window that looks out the front of your house; grabbing the bottom of the window pane, you push it up, cracking it just a tiny bit. The song of the crickets quietly fills the room, you feel your body ease up. Before you turn to go back to the couch, you notice a figure approaching from the sidewalk path that leads to the main town area, you continue to stand at the window watching them while running your fingers along the paint cracks around the windowsill. When they come out from the shadows of the trees, you recognize who it is. Joel. Everything goes silent again. The moon is casting a soft light across his face; he’s walking slowly and his shoulders are rounded. You continue to watch him as he walks up his porch, disappearing once he closes his front door. What is it about him that makes you so… so stuck? You question yourself, shifting your gaze down to the windowsill which you are still picking at with your fingernail. You let out a heavy sigh, before returning to your spot at the base of the couch, throwing your head back so it rests on the firm cushion. 

-

The next morning comes quickly. You wake up groggier than normal, a feeling of full exhaustion overcoming you once you get up from the floor. You force yourself to get up and join Nessa in the kitchen. She’s sitting at the table flipping through an old magazine. You join her in silence. This is nice, you think. 

Eventually the topic of breakfast comes up as sunlight begins to illuminate the house. You insist on making something for the two of you, since Nessa made dinner last night. It’s only fair, Nessa, you plead. However, she insists on grabbing the community breakfast to go. Nessa, per usual, gets her way. As you wait for her return, you begin to go through the various drawers and cabinets in the kitchen and living room. It looks like Nessa already got a head start this morning before you even woke up. 

The two piles from last night have only grown bigger.. As you continue organizing, a third pile is also created, the ‘don’t know’ pile. This one mainly consists of the personal items that belonged to the previous owners; pictures, old birthday cards, letters, etc. What do I even do with this, you think to yourself as you pull a family photo album from one of the bookshelves. 

The front door knob squeaks as someone– Nessa, turns it and enters through the front door with three large paper bags in her arms.

“Breakfast has arrived,” Her tone is light and playful.

Tommy enters behind her, he’s cradling a stainless steel thermos under his arm that is free of a crutch. 

“I hope you don’t mind me joining,” He says.

“Of course not,” Your sentence comes out in one single breath.

“Just didn’t know if you were sick of me or somethin’,” His back is now towards you as he sets his stuff down on the kitchen counter. Tommy looks over his shoulder at you with a smirk plastered on his face. You walk over to him and playful nudge his shoulder, returning a smile before grabbing three of the mugs that Nessa washed earlier. 

You and Nessa clear off the table in the kitchen, setting the boxes and various items off to the side against the wall. The three of you take a seat and immediately start unloading your paper bags. You pull out three separate containers, the heat radiating through the sides and warming the cold tips of your fingers.

“Mmmm, ” Tommy lets out, rubbing the palms of his hands together. “My favorite.” 

You peer over to him. One container has scrambled eggs with pepper scattered across the top, the smaller container has two small patties, presumably sausage patties, and the third container has mixed fruit. Before starting on his food, Tommy stands up and leans over the table, filling both yours and Nessa’s mug up with the coffee he brought. 

-

“What are your plans for the day, ladies?” Tommy is leaning back in the chair with his arms crossed, a few bites of food remain in the containers. You look towards Nessa, who puts her finger up in the air as she finishes chewing her food.

“Just clean and finish going through the house before heading into town to donate some stuff, then probably look around to see what items they have,” Nessa responds, glancing over to you once she finishes. You nod, not having anything to add. Right now, you’re just following whatever Nessa says or does. 

“That sounds like a fun day” He replies sarcastically, the corners of his lips slighting turn upward.

“Super fun,” You say softly, quickly raising your eyebrows as you take a sip of your coffee. 

-

There's a line when you and Nessa walk up to the donation center, about ten people or so are pressed up against the side of the building trying to find a way out from the direct sunlight. When you get to the back of the line, a man who appears to be just a little bit older than you and Nessa, says the line is moving slow today and that he and his niece had been waiting for nearly half an hour already. Nessa shakes her head, striking up a conversation with the man about how ridiculous the wait times have become. You tune them out, escaping to the depths of your own thoughts.

As you’re kicking at the rocky ground, thinking about God knows what, you hear the steady trot of a horse coming up from behind. Before you can fully turn around, Joel passes by on horseback. The two of you briefly make eye contact as he continues down towards the pathway. There’s nothing of substance in the look he gives, almost as if he looked right through you. Your stomach turns. Where’s he coming from? Your mind begins to wonder before you can stop it, taking a quick look over your shoulder. No, you are supposed to be moving on, another voice takes over and scolds your original thought. You take a final kick at the ground, sending rocks flying forward, before turning to Nessa.

“Where’s he coming from?” You whisper as you lean in closer to her. As much as you don’t want to care about Joel, you’re still curious and curiosity doesn’t hurt, right? She gives you a confused look and you gesture towards the horse who is now a considerable distance away. Nessa goes on her tippy toes, looking over the crowd of people to see who you are referring to. 

“Oh, Joel, ” her voice sounds dry as she speaks his name, her face twists into a semi-disgusted expression. “He does patrol, like checking the outer perimeter for any potential threats to the community, stuff like that.” 

“He goes out alone?” you push the matter further, taking a step backward, creating more distance between you and Nessa. The line moves forwards, and you and Nessa both take a step forward in unison.

“Yeah, well,” Nessa purses her lips, blowing a stray piece of hair out of her face. “He’s not supposed to, but you know, he’s Joel, so… he and Tommy used to do it together, but Tommy got busy helping Maria out with stuff once the community started getting bigger, and no one else wants to accompany him.”

“Why-” You start to say, but Nessa cuts you off before you can complete your question. She’s giving you a tight-lipped smile and you cock your head off to the side, returning a confused expression. You know this look, she’s forcing a smile.

“Looks like we might be here for a while,” she says leaning up against the building’s exterior, turning away from you. When we get up there, let me do the talking, okay?”

She shoots you a wink and you purse your lips, giving her a simple nod in response.

-

It’s now been nearly a week since you’ve arrived, you’ve spent most of your days clearing out your home, trying to make it your own. Since your first night, you’ve only slept downstairs on the couch. The house is just too big, the creeks at night freak you out, often waking you up in the dead of the night. You’ve gone through the majority of the rooms, the children’s rooms were the hardest, you originally thought of just shutting the door, hoping to ignore them for the rest of your time living there, but eventually built up the courage to separate the clothing and toys to send off to be donated. You knew they’d be better put to use by the community than just sitting in a closed off room. There were some things that you couldn’t bear to get rid of, such as the family pictures, it felt wrong; you decided to pack them into a box and placed them in the back of one of the closets in the hall.

As you push the final box near your front door, you notice Nessa coming up the walkway to your porch. You wipe your hands on your pants, opening the door before she’s even made it up your porch. She has a bag in her hand, swinging it side to side as she walks.

“Hey stranger,” you say playfully, she greets you with a large smile as she walks through the door. Without saying anything she extends the bag towards you. When you open it up there's more clothing inside, they look nicer than just everyday clothes. “What are these for?”

“There’s a community get together tonight and you’re coming,” She sounds excited, and your face twists up at the thought of socializing. “Listen, I know that’s never been your thing, but I want you to meet my friends, I think it would do you some good meeting people.”

You toss the bag onto your couch, knowing there is no way she’s going to let you get out of going. She’s watching your face carefully, still smiling. 

“Alright,” you say in a defeated tone. Nessa wraps her arms around you excitedly. 

“Wow, you’ve gotten a lot done.” She pulls away, making a small circle, looking at the different visible parts of the room. She walks over to the boxes stacked by the door. “Sorry I haven’t been able to come over the past few days, they really needed an extra hand with the younger kids at the school.” 

“You’ve done so much for me already,” you drag out. “I’m nearly finished, I just have to drop this stuff off at the donation building sometime.”

Nessa starts nosing her way through the boxes, lifting each flap and looking at whatever is inside. You watch her as she does so.

“If there’s anything you want, you’re more than welcome to take it.” You finally follow up with. Nessa lets out a hum before holding an article of clothing up.

“Isn’t this so sweet,” she swoons. It’s a blue and gray striped baby onesie. You try to hide your discomfort, thinking back on how difficult it was to go through the children’s bedrooms, especially the nursery.

“Yeah, I suppose,” You look down at your feet and nervously thumb at your cuticles. “Like I said, if you want it-”

“I’ll take them,” she quickly says in one continuous breath, picking up the box and balancing it on her hip. If anyone is having kids between the two of us, it will be Nessa, the bittersweet thought made you smile as she looks down at the tiny clothes with joy. “Alright, well, I’ll come and get you in a few hours then, okay?”

You watch her disappear with the box as she walks down the pathway toward her house. 

-

The string lights that hang throughout the community illuminate the walkways. People fill the streets either going into one of two different buildings or hanging off to the sides with drinks in hand. It’s much warmer out tonight, something that signifies summer is just around the corner. As you walk, you’re in a daze, marveling at everything and everyone you pass. You begin to wonder what exactly tonight entails, Nessa didn’t go into much detail other than her friends are going to be there, but there was no doubt about how nervous you currently feel.

A group of men who appear to be around your age look at you as you walk past them, a few of them do a double take and begin to whisper amongst themselves. Your stomach drops, immediately dropping your gaze to look down at your feet. Maybe Joel will be there tonight, you hopelessly think, ultimately concluding that whatever is going on tonight, probably won’t be his kind of thing and even if he was there, he wouldn’t want to be around you.

You snap back to reality when you feel Nessa wrap her fingers around your wrist, pulling you towards a dimly lit building. Now standing on the porch, you can hear a muffled voice coming from inside. She gives you a warm smile before opening the door and pulling you in after her. 

“So…” she starts, leaning in close to your ear to whisper. “This is where they play movies, it's mainly for the kids, but a lot of the parents and older people join in as well. It’s mainly old-timey, boring movies. Nothing we’d be interested in.”

Walking further into the dark space, you see the movie that is being illuminated on the large canvas sheet by a projector. There are several rows of chairs in front of the screen, from what you can tell it appears to be mainly kids sitting in them, the rest of the adults were either standing off to the sides or sitting at the tables in the back. You take a slow scan of the entire room, taking the atmosphere in. She grabs your arm again, pulling you off towards a side door, deep into the building, away from the crowd of people. You look over your shoulder once more.

“Although that is fun, the bar is where the real fun is at,” Nessa has her back against the door, facing you. She’s smiling as she turns the handle with one of her hands. “This is where my friends and I usually hang out, it’s mostly young adults and single middle-aged men… but it’s fun, I promise.”

Groups of people are sitting at tables with drinks playing card games, others playing pool at the table in the middle, and darts off to the side. It was a lot rowdier here, both the music and people’s conversations were loud. As you and Nessa weaved your way through the tables, you noticed people were turning their heads in your direction, some of them turning to whisper something to the person next to them. A heat washed over you, a knot growing in your stomach. The room suddenly felt as if it was on fire. The sound of Nessa’s voice pulls out from your anxious mindset.

“Speaking of my friends,” she spoke cheekily, slapping her hand lightly on the table the two of you just walked up to. “This is Aimee, Heather, Drew, and… James who you already briefly met.” 

James instantly stands up from his chair, his eyes are wide as you two make eye contact. He’s holding his hand out to shake your hand. He seems a lot different than when you interacted with him earlier, now he appears to be more at ease.

“It’s nice to officially meet you,” He leans in so you can hear his voice over the noise.

“You too,” you shout back at him as you retract your hand.

James pulls out the chair next to him, gesturing for you to sit down. You’re somewhat surprised by his friendliness.

The other three aren’t quite as welcoming, Aimee and Heather stare at you with sly smirks plastered across their faces, looking at you up and down as you awkwardly smile at them. Drew is snickering at the other two girls, trying to cover his mouth with his hand, however, his shaking body and beet-red face give it away instantly. Suddenly, he stiffly shoots up from his chair, reaching over the table with his hand extended towards you.

“Yep, it sure is nice to meet you,” He mocks James, who is watching him with his mouth agape in awe. James rolls his eyes, turning his body away from the group, propping his head up with his hand. You uncomfortably shift in your chair, and hesitantly bring your hand from underneath the table up to shake Drew’s hand. 

“You too,” you say so quietly you doubt anyone heard, you barely said it loud enough for yourself to hear. You give him a loose, short-lived handshake, before bringing your hand back underneath the table and rubbing your sweaty palms against the rough fabric of your jeans. 

“They’re messing around,” Nessa leans in and shouts in your ear. You raise your eyebrows as she pulls back and gives her a single nod. Fucking assholes, you think as you look around the room, scrunching your nose. In your sitting position, you can’t see much other than the people standing and the other tables around you. 

Nessa and the others immediately get lost in a conversation, you let your eyes continue to wander around, looking at the metal signs and license plates that lined the walls, and the string lights that lit up the room. The sound of the scratchy music comforted you, although it was quite loud. At some point, James brings you over a drink, and you all clink your glasses together. You feel uncomfortable being here. It is not because you’re new or because you were never really much of a social person, Nessa’s friends, apart from James, attributed to this discomfort.

“I’m going to go grab a round for the table,” Nessa put her hand on your shoulder and pushed herself up. The two of you made eye contact, your eyes pleading ‘Please don’t leave me alone with these people.’ She must’ve not picked up on the urgency in your eyes, or maybe she didn’t think it was urgent, because she quickly turned away and disappeared in the crowd. 

“So, you were out there with Joel?” Heather shouts over the table in a thick, fake southern accent, giving a devilish smile to Drew and Aimee. James’ face tightens at the sound of Joel’s name. Before responding, you look toward the direction Nessa went, hoping she’d magically appear and take over the conversation. Your mouth suddenly became dry. 

“Yeah… and Tommy, but yeah,” You respond, sort of confused as to where this was going.

“ And, how was it?” She shot back, her face conveyed some sort of innocence, but her eyes told a completely different story. 

“He’s super fucking weird huh?” Aimee adds, causing Drew to choke on his drink, he covers his mouth with the glass to hide his smile. You draw your brows together, slightly puzzled and looking between everyone at the table. 

“ Aimee,” Heather shouts sharply and hardens her eyes. Aimee recoils at the sudden hostility in Heather’s voice, crossing her arms and slouching. Heather turns her attention back toward you, not saying anything, just cocking her head as if she was urging you to answer the question.

“I mean, not really,” You say slowly and scoffing.

“Oh , wait,” Heather gasps, the whole table is now looking at her, her gasp even piquing James’ curiosity. “You're not, like, his girlfriend are you?”

Aimee lightly hits her arm, laughing in the process and Drew grabs onto Aimee’s arm, his face going red again. You feel a heat of anger wash over you.

“Would it be a problem if I was?” You spit back. The sly remarks remind you of high school, something you were never too fond of, and with Joel being the subject of the talk, it made your blood boil.

“Heather-” James starts, tightening his grip on his glass, his knuckles turning white and blood pooling in his fingertips under the pressure.

“James… what? He’s a drunk and freaks everyone the fuck out, shouldn’t we warn our new friend about him,” James straightens his posture, his jaw tightening as he shifts his eyes in the opposite direction of her. You follow his gaze and realize Nessa is standing behind you, she has a smile plastered on her face and her cheeks are stained pink. She lets out a loud sigh.

“I just wish he’d stop coming back,” she says loud enough for everyone to hear, setting down the drinks in the center of the round table. You furrow your brows in confusion. She what? “I can’t believe Maria keeps allowing him back in, I mean, I know it’s Tommy who’s convincing her but damn, you’d think she’d put her foot down eventually.” 

You abruptly shoot up from your chair, the chair bumping into the person behind you. The whole table as well as the other people around you are now staring, not saying a thing. Heather and Aimee are both trying to hide their giggles, putting their hands over their mouths and grabbing at each other. Your eyesight narrows and you give Nessa a disappointed look before turning away from the table and walking towards the bar. 

“Looks like Joel-y found ‘imself a girlfriend,” you hear faintly as you take a few steps away from the table, a tall man is blocking you from going anywhere.

“Makes sense,” says another.

You swiftly turn around, wanting to tell them off, how could someone be so horrible, you think. One of the girls, you think it’s Heather, makes eye contact with you and points. Everyone except James, who has his head in the palms of his hands, looks at you. Nessa gives you a look of desperation. 

“She just doesn’t get it guys, she’s been through a lot… and doesn’t know how Joel really is yet, like all she knows is him and Tommy, so…” she explains, you roll your eyes and begin pushing against the tall man’s back, trying to squeeze past him.

-

As you push through the crowd, your head is becoming heavier and heavier by the second and your vision is starting to blur around the edges. You can feel the thickness in your chest as you breathe. When you finally make it through, your eyes focus on one particular secluded seat, far away from everyone else. 

You rush over to the seat, keeping your eyes locked on it. When you take a seat you immediately put your face in the palms of your hands. A mixture of embarrassment and anger surges through your body. You felt overwhelmed from the moment you stepped into the bar, and the situation with Nessa’s friends made it worse. Everything in the room seems to be louder than it is- the music, people talking, it’s all unnecessary noise. Your head begins to feel fuzzy, you can feel your body wobbling on the barstool and grab the edge to stabilize yourself. 

You hear a muffled voice, but you're too trapped in your internal panic to make out what they’re saying, you can’t get yourself to even move your head in the direction it came from. Your chest rises deeply and then falls quickly. Focusing on the rugged grains of the wooden surface of the bar, your vision begins to become sporadic, with black splotches emerging and dancing around. You feel yourself wobble once again, this time your hand slips as you attempt to grab onto something. 

You suddenly feel a hand loop around your waist from the person sitting next to you, pulling you towards them as your body begins to tilt off to the side. You go to say something but stop when you realize it's Joel. As you straighten your posture, he lets his hand drop, returning it to his glass. He looks concerned. You can feel a sense of relief wash over you, his eyes melting into yours; every nerve in your body instantly becomes calm.

“Are you okay?” He seems genuine when he speaks, his eyebrows slightly raising as he leans in closer to you.

read chapter nine here!

painting divider | credit: @cottage-writings

[rriavian]

Do you consider Morpheus' Corinthian and Daniel's Corinthian two different persons ( i mean nightmares ha ha) playing the same role? To be more clear- do you consider them like Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker and Tom Holland's Peter Parker?Or do you consider them as the uprated version of same software? Like Corinthian 1 is Windows 10 and Corinthian 2 is Windows 11?

I am asking about your interpretation. Not necessarily it has to be based on canon.

PS. Not sure if I should write my own interpretation here. But anyway, I am gonna write it.

For me, Morpheus and Daniel are completely different personifications. Like- yes they are both doctors/pilots/teachers/bankers-whatever really. But they are different persons. Doing the same job doesn’t make them the same person.

On the other hand, My understanding of Corinthian is completely opposite of "Dream 1 and Dream 2". No matter how different Corinthian and Remade Corinthian are- they are the " same personification" to me. It's like same person getting a second chance to life after coming back from coma state. I am personally not too eager to use "Cori 1 Cori 2". For me, they are both the same " Cori".

L

Sorry for my English if it's too incoherent.

Oh you love to make me think don’t you! I think my interpretation is still in flux; I’ve not read the comics, or seen a lot of super spoiler-y panels bar a few of the big ones, and the show is also still quite far off this storyline. 

I suppose the truth is that the existence of the second Corinthian is a narrative element I struggle with, because to me it’s not very satisfying. I enjoyed how the show handled Dream making Gault a dream, because it was very clearly a cosmetic change, but with the Corinthian it feels like it would be a lot more. The idea of recreating isn’t an easy one (doesn’t feel like a great match for the themes of the story either), as it just seems like a very simplistic way to get a character to change without them actually growing. And this change is entirely against the characters will/doesn’t even involve the Corinthian doing anything at all.

Which is quite chilling given how his rebellion was very much a quest for agency.

The idea of the Corinthian rebelling, spending 100 years sticking to his choices, and then being unmade only to be recreated with everything suddenly being fine, with all the reasons he had to do what he did seemingly gone/resolved, just doesn’t feel very satisfying to me. 

I’m still holding off on a full judgement until I’ve reached that point in the narrative, but there has to be some trajectory for me to really get on board. What did Dream alter in that moment of recreation? If it’s a new character with the old one’s face/name/memories but apparently none of their motivations then why should I care? And if there was a reason for not just making a completely new character as Dream’s second attempt at a masterpiece then what was that reason because I’d love to know what that is!

It’s probably because I’m not there yet in the story, but right now I don’t see it, and so I’m not sold on it.

Perhaps everything was somehow resolved while the Corinthian was unmade. Perhaps all he needed was a really good nap. Perhaps he got therapy while chilling as a skull. Joking aside—and finally looping round to actually answering your question—I think there has to be continuity between the first and second Corinthian because, unlike Dream, he’s not really the combination of two distinct identities. Well, in a way he could be, Dream not so much remaking him as giving him something more, not cutting out but adding a balancing factor. Upgrading the software to use your turn of phrase :) 

I think that’s the interpretation I go with in Transmutation, and that fic was essentially me exploring what the complexity of identity could mean. It’s the interpretation I go to for Dream as well. Also—just to reference a spoiler I have seen from the comics—the panel of the second Corinthian choking Loki out when looking for Daniel?

Listen: that’s the same nightmare for sure.