#I just assume they know my life problems
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Bakugo, hanging up the phone: Sh*t, Endeavor wants me in his office first thing tomorrow morning.
His dog, sitting next to him and cleaning itself:
Bakugo: Would you quit licking your ass for a minute? I got a problem here.
#bakugo is me with my dogs#I just assume they know my life problems#anime#bnha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha#boku no academia#boku no hero#bnha manga#incorrect boku no hero academia quotes#incorrect bnha#incorrect bnha quotes#incorrect mha quotes#bakugo katsuki#midoriya izuku#bkdk#bakudeku
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Reading loz/lu fics and it's just so interesting how wide the spectrum is of their personalities.
Sometimes it's got an in universe reason (different past (usually gender or species change), recent or ongoing traumatic events, a spectacularly bad first meeting), but sometimes (often) the characters are just... Weirdly angsty or peppy, there's no in between!
And I'm beginning to think less people have played more than one game than I thought XD.
Not that it's anyone's fault! One game is more than enough to be part of it all, and loz is exclusive to Nintendo consoles - and all the older stuff is frustratingly hard to get hold of. Heck, I'm still looking for wind waker, and that was really popular! And then you have to play it! They're not small games!!
But could people writing wild please ease off just a tiiiiiny bit so he can be a semi functional member of society pretty please XD? He's just as much a polite boy as any other member of the chain! He won't even run in shops! He can't attack npcs! He talks to every single person he's ever seen and remembers every single name. Yes, he's three quarters woodland creature with a hefty amount of trauma but he's also a fashionista who managed to avoid accidentally taking sides in a mayoral election and that's not easy!
#I have some actual gripes but that's just me being pedantic about something I know a lot about#loz#legend of zelda#tears of the kingdom#loz link#loz botw#loz totk#the legend of zelda#totk link#lu wild#Okay but please stop making his teleportation a point of interest to the chain they ALL can warp it's not even slightly special#And the slate/pad doesn't hold any items I'm begging you that's just fanon it's never been canon or been implied to be#Travelling across hyrule (on horseback) is about a week and a half following the paths at a walk. Rito to lurelin. It's not weeks on foot t#Hyrule Castle!!#This isn't a problem but like. Let link be petty brats to civilians occasionally. It's enrichment. They all have beef with some rando.#They're all extremely polite and let people get away with more than they maybe should but like. Adults starting smth with a 16yo.#Also wild has serious beef with ganon why does everyone write him so chill. Like botw sure but totk?? Absolutely not.#'wah my home is in ruins it's all my fault' it's been like that for yonks no one's even mad and hello?? Miles on miles on untouched#Landscapes?? Millenia of ruins indistinguishable from the recent stuff?? Link literally died he could not have done any more#How anyone can play botw/totk and not be BLISTERINGLY proud of hyrule I don't know#Okay but why does everyone (particularly legend omg) always bitterly blame hylia like loz has a dozen odd deities and hylia is the ONE who#Got cursed right alongside link. It's just... Idk but it seems like such a culturally Christian thing. All the focus on one who then gets#Blamed for everything in life going wrong. Not even Christian but specifically American Catholic. I don't know.#Hylia is the one deity we can pretty safely assume is neither omnipotent or omniscient lmao#In every time she has a voice (botk/ss) she pretty clearly mucks up or gets tricked and has regrets#In ss when she was zelda she hated every second of leading link around and even then it all hinged on link being completely willing!!#And then she got kidnapped anyway!#In totk (spoilers) she loses contact with one of her statues and asks link to check it out. Another statue gets POSESSED by ol triangle hea#And again link has to figure out the problem. Like even in her divine form she is so far from all knowing and all doing.#It's a lot of conflating with the concept of fate maybe?
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I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
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i once had an anti tell me to stop sexualizing their trauma on a story i wrote that was a word for word retelling of my own actual trauma but with names changed and its been 2 years and i still cant stop thinking about that
Ah, yeah... Unfortunately a non-insignificant number of antishippers seem to genuinely believe they own the concept of trauma, so any story they read that they believe to be portrayed in a romanticized or sexualized light therefore must be romanticizing/sexualizing their trauma specifically.
I couldn't tell you the amount of times I've gotten the "stop sexualizing my trauma!!!!!!" or adjacent comments from antishippers that universally garner a response that basically boils down to
Like, bitch! I'm talking about my trauma! I literally did not even know you existed until you fucking commented!
#proship#proshipper#anti bs#just anti things#glad to know antis assuming every story about trauma must be about them specifically seems to be a universal proshipper experience lol#like *how* am I sexualizing *your* trauma when I literally do not even know who you are?#like if you hadn't commented I would've gone my entire life not knowing you even exist#if I had omnipotence like that I certainly would not be using that power to sexualize the trauma of some random fucking stranger! lol#you think my petty ass would be doing *that* instead of the infinitely more infuriating thing of spoiling every show you love at any chance#jokes aside though like seriously get fucking real#I hate to burst your main character syndrome bubble but nobody fucking cares about you#not in the ''nobody loves you and you'll die alone'' sense#but in the ''you are just Some Guy™ and the 8 billion other people on the planet have their own problems to worry about'' sense#if someone is writing about trauma maybe take your self-centred goggles off for 5 fucking seconds#and maybe you'll realise that it is 1000000% more likely this random stranger is writing about *their* trauma#and *not* the trauma of a person whose entire existence they are not even aware of#I do believe the tiktok trend of referring to strangers as ''NPCs'' has at least contributed to this epidemic of main character syndrome#people you don't know are *not* ''NPCs'' you fucking robot!#they are human beings just like you with lives and dreams and loved ones#you just don't know them#sorry but I genuinely think I'd go to jail for murder if I ever heard someone refer to me as an ''NPC'' out in public#'cause genuinely who the fuck do you think you are!?
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.~
#not a vent just a journal entry (feel free to scroll past; there is no snz here and this is also not that interesting)#realizing now that i never thought of myself as#someone whose absence would register to others in any other way than just neutral/detached recognition?#phrasing this really badly and i am truly going to delete this later bc it is embarrassing LOL#i think when i was young and posting all this fic into questionable places (the f*rum) i was like#(@ an unfinished work of mine) no way anyone could be bothered by these cliffhangers 👍 they can just imagine the ending#even though i would frequently be bothered by other people's cliffhangers. that exact same principle just wouldn't apply to me in my head#and when i did not respond to people i was like.. i'm sure i wasn't really an important part of their lives so they won't mind it#if i stepped away?#i never really entertained the concept of people missing me or looking forward to my responses 😭 i never thought of myself as someone worth#missing... so when i disappeared it was always with little to no sense of guilt. i think even now i struggle with#seeing myself as someone that inhabits like a tangible enough space in other people's lives that my absence would be felt#(and i don't mean that in a morbid way. and i do recognize that it's quite hypocritical)#on the flipside of things i frequently miss people and look forward to their responses. and sometimes i wonder like#do they all know? do they all know that i miss them because they somehow understand this aspect of human nature better than i do?#or are they in the dark like i am? are these things assumed or are they only known when they are said... 😭#i am a little bit of a coward so i am not saying anything (also because can you even say this kind of thing to someone??#i would probably die of embarrassment) but#how strange it is to have someone suddenly inhabit a space in your life that is substantial enough that#when they're gone you feel that space open up and you miss them#the few times in my life people have conveyed that sentiment to me i remember feeling puzzled that my presence could have that kind of#weight to them. i think my problem is that i purposefully do not read between the lines if the conclusion is something favorable towards me#because i don't want to bank on something good that might or might not be true 😭 anyways this is way too long already. if you read this#then good morning or goodnight
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girlbossed too hard.... unless...
#like a lot of stuff about kh. one thing being its sprawling plot. love it all fitting together like that#anyway wanted to write a story like that. here i am with my ocs. and now im worried ive made it too confusing#1. maybe it's just because I haven't finished fixing plot holes? 2. maybe it's bc im not telling it in the right order? (random comics)#3. maybe it's because I assume ppl know more than they probably remember? 4. maybe im bad at explaining it?#anyway I talk to ppl about it and they're like ???? about things so now im like hm. i done messed up#problem is. it all makes perfect sense in my head#nomura is this how you felt? is this just the consequences of my actions??#anyway rip me. doomed to pain and suffering since the days of my youth#wanna get better at talking and expressing things but ACK. so hard!!!!#august rambles#text#you may be thinking huh?? you're expressing something rn. and yes. you see. my disease is so annoying. it is not consistent#sometimes I think about it enough i think about ways to talk about it. sometimes I think about it enough and it soaks into my life so...#someone else goes 'hey whats that?' and i go 'oh tiny info about it' as if secretly the person knew everything else because uh#i thought about it so hard. it must be common knowledge??? i don't know things other people don't??#anyway screaming crying i feel like I'm not expressing this right. doomed.
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not for anything but friendly reminder that ~fandom discourse~ about where women belong (or people you perceive as women) is misogynistic as fuck. or what they're allowed to say, or what they're allowed to write about, or what they're allowed to enjoy.
next time you see someone having a tantrum and vaguing, especially if their posts from week to week completely contradict each other, perhaps analyze if the common denominator is "a gross woman said something and now i'm mad" without otherwise adhering to any actual principles.
#like i wonder if someone consistently preaches that we need to respect each other's headcanons#but they are specifically bothered by women & people they assume are women#and they keep specifically complaining about how ANNOYING GIRLS are the ones with such STUPID ideas#if maybe that person is just a fucking misogynist LMAO#and maybe we shouldn't give them the time of day :)#but what do i know lol im just a dumb girl with my dumb girl brain#anyway sorry guys i hate posting vagues i think it's really immature but like how much of this do we fucking tolerate#and can you please stop reblogging him bc tumblr's block & mute functions are terrible#if i'm not vague about it does it still count as a vague?#i hate public drama but like he didn't want to resolve it in private either and won't shut the fuck up haha sorry#but i also fucking hate bullies so#:)#also in b4 fandom clique conspiracies start floating around#if you act like a misogynist dickhead and get blocked by a bunch of people#it's not a cabal of mean girls ganging up on you#maybe you're the problem lol#knock it the fuck off aren't you tired of this it's been a year man#get a life.
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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Things that can be simultaneously true:
1 ) Codependency that would be unhealthy in real life can be really sexy and appealing in fic, and in romance stories in general, because those aren’t real life. We want to see the excesses of that emotion so we can feel it vicariously as far removed as we are as readers by the barrier of the written word. Writing characters who are obsessively in love is an effective tool in that regard even if they shouldn’t serve as educational models of an ideal relationship (whatever that is).
2 ) Some of what y’all are labeling as “unhealthily codependent” (even if it’s praise of a story where y’all find the codependency appealing as part of the story!)… isn’t unhealthily codependent?? Sometimes people do just spend a lot of time together when they love each other and make one another their priority? Oftentimes, that’s the person that people choose to marry (or equivalent) and the whole point of that decision and arrangement is you become one another’s priority???
Like I’m just gonna throw this out there as a litmus test for fandom to try out but maybe (when it’s adult characters involved) just ask “is this unhealthily, clinically codependent, like these people can’t psychologically function without the other, OR would they just be really sad without the other because they’re effectively married and they’ve made one another a priority and they could, in fact, after they’ve grieved pull themselves together and continue to function, even if it’s not instantaneous??”
#this is somewhat hampered by the fact I’m not sure even fandom knows what they mean when saying codependent#heck maybe I’m actually codependent on my partner!#and that’s why I don’t see it as a problem but I do also have my own life#I’m just puzzled sometimes by what gets labeled as codependent#when it’s like that’s just people in love who are also friends??#idk I’m sure someone could get pedantic about this#but like having a crisis because someone you treasure is hurt or missing#ISN’T codependent that’s just loving someone??#I’m assuming some of these people haven’t had a serious relationship before??#Maggie rambles#codependency in fanfic
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the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier
#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it#like when i get unfamiliar takeout. half the time i'm like. oh.#i'm going to have to eat all of this. or be judged.#so i just do my best to suppress my gag reflex and Get Through It and then it makes me sick so what was even the point#i think my parents spoiled me. and the most annoying thing is they're significantly better at cooking now than when i was a child#so when i go over i eat three delicious home cooked meals + snacks and they're all different and amazingggg#and then i come back to texas and i am like. googling 'how to feed myself healthy vegetarian'#because I do NOT have the time or money or energy to cook three beautiful delicious meals Just For Me#i think this would be easier with a partner#this whole week i bought a fuckton of mediterranean groceries and i have been making and eating food!!#mediterranean is close enough to indian that i like it well enough#unfortunately for me. i am def going to have to learn how to cook indian food to get through life. because i cannot fucking eat american#i don't know HOW you guys do it i'm so spoiled#i'm assuming meat is this really amazing wonderful thing that just adds flavor to everything#(it is physically repulsive to me and the couple times ive accidentally tasted it it's bleh so i refuse to partake)#i think it's an acquired taste but it magically makes ur food better. that is my understanding of how meat works#cause american vegetarian food is the saddest fucking thing i've ever tasted#i still think about my coworker i was talking to about my food issues and he was like. 'do u understand that you have been given a gift#by having constant access to tasty food your entire life. i ate unseasoned green beans every day of my childhood. learn how to fucking cook#indian food already.' truly a horrific thing to hear. but i'm calling my parents more and going HOW TO COOK VEGETABLE? BEAN? PLEASE HELP??#and by god i am not going to turn into my coworker.#anyways we start with baby steps. lentils and rice it is next week .-. going to the indian store to buy pickles to make it more tolerable#and i have my cabinet full of spices already at least#i wish i was less pickyyy#sometimes lalita cooks indian food for me and i'm like wow. i love and appreciate u for feeding me. but this sure is south indian food#i don't understand How they use spices. it feels like they toss as much of as many bottles as they can into every dish#and it's. the taste is just OW OW OW and nothing else. where's the nuance. the flavor.#and i like it when things are spicy!! i can even eat things where the flavor is just Hot. but not when she cooks it.#she will like watch my face when i take a bite and then go 'if you don't like it i'm throwing away all my pots and running away'#which. honestly a fair reaction. the problem is that i am incapable of lying
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I need to stop having one weird reaction with someone and then letting the anxiety decide in my head that the friendship is doomed because I ruined it like it's my absolute worst trait and I just have to move past it but it's hard
#i have to operate under the assumption that if people have an issue they will tell me but unfortunately this isnt true .#and it has happened to me in the past that i thought everything was ok because people were giving signals i wasnt picking up on#due to the autism so now im paranoid and constantly looking for signs i did something wrong and people are mad#and then i find them where they arent there which perversely does more to ruin a friendship than almost anything else#like the constant Are you mad at me... so i try to force myself not to do that and just#try to again assume that people arent however. im so worried about being blindsided Also of course i naturally dont want to make people#upset so if i am doing something wrong i want to change my behavior. however the fact its nuanced like#where you have to only do that a little bit and then take people at their word most of the time#fucking sucks like you actually are required in relationships to read peoples unspoken signals but you cant do that Too much#and if you misinterpet them its bad... but you cant ask for feedback too much because thats bad too. IT DOES MY HEAD IN actually like#it makes it so hard for me to interact with people because im just worried All of the time . and i have to be constantly like#ok check the facts and adjust behavior. check the facts and adjust behavior. make sure the facts are facts and not jumping to conclusions.#ok how do i do that . ok when do i ask directly. also people dont always tell the truth when you Do ask directly .#and then this is why my whole life i have mostly kept to myself and im trying to stop doing that but its hard because talking to others is a#puzzle for me that stresses me out more than anything else. man this sucksssssss can i just BE NORMAL!!!!!!#i know like Everyone has this problem its a common issue with relationships Communication but it feels especislly difficult for me .i#like cant fathom how other people manage very large numbers of friendships like even being able to count my close friends#on one hand i feel like im barely managing everything and im letting everyone down constantly but again i think thatsnonly my perception/#worry and not even true. god
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throwing this out into the void here mostly just to test how i feel abt seeing it in words, but im starting to think the 100% aroace label is perhaps not serving me quite the way i want it to and maybe harper's Unlabeled Swag (As A Freak With Proximity To The Acespec) was me projecting just tiny bit
#personal bullshit#recent revelations have alerted me to the fact that there are some people i want#i just want them in ways that are Complicated#and in many cases would require a paramedic on standby#but also idk if like formally establishing this would actually make my life any easier#or more effectively communicate what people actually need to know about me#bc to the overwhelming majority of people i meet i might as well be aroace as far as theyre concerned#and the problem with labeling yourself as Unlabeled is that then people just assume that youre bi but a coward about it#which is even more untrue than the assumptions people make about me when i say im aroace#so like idfk man theres no winning here i dont think#or who knows maybe ive just lost the plot bc i havent slept in like 30 hours#so im having untrustworthy 3am thoughts at 1:42 in the afternoon
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in my hater era
#sophie speaks#tw vent#like. what. what???#i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin#struggling hugely#had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something#and you know. thats on me#but saying like#im NOT trying??#i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person#what???#trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset#idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this#express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time#but then they dont believe you??#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes#like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself#i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive#im so tired#ive been suicidal for like 7 years now#my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just#it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit#cripplepunk core lmao#cripple and im going to kill you#this is just geniunely upsetting#i feel like i need a good cry#i really am so tired#i feel like i just dont want to do this#why am i paying for this? why am i doing this?#if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it
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.
#goddamn i love when i have a good interview 🥰#happens more often than not at this point in my career but man#i dont know if i ever would have gotten to this point without a piece of advice i read a few years back#no idea where i saw it but it literally changed my life lmao#but here it is: when you're in an interview...#you are already at an advantage#because the person interviewing you doesn't want to continue to have to interview people...#they want YOU to be the one they're looking for#they WANT to like you#just think about that for a second!!!!#and of course this is assuming that they dont already have someone else in mind and are just interviewing by obligation#but you didnt stand a chance for that job anyway so... might as well assume that you have the shot#i swear this whole idea changed my entire perspective once i really internalized it lol#ESPECIALLY after i started giving interviews myself!! (if your job ever gives you the opportunity to give interviews TAKE IT)#because i had PROOF of the concept lmao like it was really fucking true!#i really did want every person i interviewed to be The One!#like we had a problem: need to hire a person#every interview was an opportunity for that problem to be solved#it's not like school where no one cares if you do well because it's ultimately your business#like when people are trying to hire they WANT YOU TO SUCCEED IN THE INTERVIEW#REMEMBER AND INTERNALIZE THAT!#unless you get saddled with a gatekeeping dickhead in which case you're dodging a bullet anyway#because a company who will put the gatekeeping dickhead in interviews is either evil or stupid lmao
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re: the notes on that post it looks like the disqualification drama with the hugos is insanely complicated because they change their voting system every few years and transparency is on the whim of like three random people, so the truth is no one really knows what's going on, but i can confidently say neil is not being silenced by the chinese government
this is fucking embarrassing dude like more than usual
#and like- 'china has never censored anything' also not a reasonable take but i really mean it when i say no one knows what's going on#so to immediately assume 'china hates my million-dollar tv show' just is sinophobia#complaining about a publishing circus award that isn't even affecting you in the same way it is chinese authors like it's life-or-death#to your tumblr audience.#and then it turns out it was a formatting problem with 'badly organized award' + 'aforementioned million-dollar tv show'#neilman tw
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Do you want somebody to care about you (a frriend)?
LMAO i guess?? i have online friends who i love and who care abt me so that isn't really the problem. i havent had any irl friends in a very very long time and ive never had an irl friend who i could actually trust/confide in. Maybe having irl friends would fix me but i think mt mental illness would not actually be fixed by being around people...... i dont know i think you don't really "recover" from what ive been through mentally but maybe friends would be nice <- Im not making friends. the time and opportunity for making friends irl has gone and past. AND im autistic and give off negative and uncomfortable vibes when people see me irl so its not happening unfortunately
#assuming that this was not sent by somebody who lives in my town and is outside my house right now#but i guess if it was. Hmu??#i like talking to people and making internet friends but right now im operating at like 0.5 mental speed and im awful w/ conversations#and keeping up with people which ANYBODY who has been in contact with me lately would agree with#so i cant in good faith say that talking to me would be a good idea. i dont even really know why someone would ever WANT to#as oppossed to the millions of other people they could talk to and know#its like 3am right now and im very tired so i dont know if this even makes sense#i feel like any amount of making friends or having a social life would just be a banage covering up my real problems#which are unfixable. mental illness doesnt not work like that. you cant extrovert ur way out of it#but at least if i had somebody to watch movies with on weekends that would be SOMETHING. maybe not much but something#anyway.... sleeping now 😴😴💤#ask
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