#because i had PROOF of the concept lmao like it was really fucking true!

[alsaurus-loves-dean]

.

[mysticbewitched]

MYSTIC AAAA OKOK I've been thinking of sharing this success story online but I feel like a lot of your audience need a serious self concept / confidence boosts and proof that mindset really is the goddamn KEY so here it is :))

this was YEARS ago, I was a teeny tiny middle schooler stopping by 7/11 on my way home from school. I grabbed my snickers bar and waited in line. in front of me was this reallyy cool and cute highschool guy. for some quick context: where I'm from, you can use your bus card to buy shit at certain places like 7/11.

I wanted his attention, to seem cool in front of him, you know? so like out of the blue I started scenario daydreaming. "what if the card machine (the one that lets you use your bus card to pay for shit) isn't working today? and the boy wouldn't have any actual money to pay for the thing he's got?" i have money "what if, in Cute Guy's time of need, I give him the money I was going to use for my beloved snickers bar?" middle school brain man she was so boy crazy. ANYWAYS I then think to myself "what's a cool way to ask someone if they need money?" because of course. immediately I start brainstorming on "cool" ways to ask if he needs money. I start panicking and thinking stuff like, "quick you have to think of something to say!!"

and guess what? seconds after that, when it was his turn in line, that exact scenario happened. the machine wasn't working, the boy didn't have money, I was all, "hey, you need cash?" and lmao yes that was what I came up with. I had hit maximum cool girl energy as I'd hoped, I gave the boy my candy money so he could pay for his bubblegum or whatever the fuck and I STRUTTED OUTTA THERE LETS GOO

now let me tell you, I did not fuckin know what manifesting even was. I literally thought I had had a VISION 😭 but looking back jt was so clear. I embodied the mindset immediately, I didn't think something like "ohh this isnt actually going to happennn" NO I submerged myself completely and anticipated it was already true, that it was just about to happen, that it was inevitable. and it manifested in seconds.

so bitches, embody the mindset, trust yourself, don't even acknowledge the "possibility" (because there is no possibility) of your desire not manifesting.

love you mystic!!

Little Bear, you are starting to become one of my favorite followers.

You are absolutely awesome as hell, my friend.

Thank you so much for sharing this with me, and reading this just blew me away. Wow, this was wild. Your reaction to this event going down must have been funny as hell back then. I'm sure you felt like you were in the twilight zone at this point.

Isn't it best the damn thing ever to be the operant power of your own reality? It is absolutely priceless and simply amazing.

It's such a beautiful thing to truly wake up from the dream and realize your power and the complete control you have over your entire reality. With all of that said, I'm so incredibly glad to hear that you realized the mindset truly is the key to easy and effortless manifestation success.

This is what I have been preaching about since day one, guys. I know exactly what I'm talking about here. I share my knowledge from deeply studying the law of consciousness for two years, being involved with witchcraft for five years, and looking back on my past successes with conscious manifestation.

It was *always* about the state of the mindset.

You just need to change your mindset to the mind of a confident manifestor, and all the struggles with your manifestations simply disappear. It's truly that easy.

Your self-doubting mindset is the only thing standing between you and your manifestations. Why are you doubting yourself? You are the creator.

This is all about faith in yourself.

Love you too and I send so much love to you. 🖤

[loderlied]

15 and 16 for Shana?

(ask game)

15. Have you ever made a moodboard for them?

i actually have but it was literal years ago and half of it is now not that fitting anymore lol. in the process of making a new one right now but it’s very very much a wip right now haha

16. Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

out of universe not really? maybe as described in the last answer how he is the character that i tried to scrap the most and yet he always comes back crawling out of the brain toilet i tried to flush him in lmao

in-universe there are a couple but he mostly keeps them to himself or very private at least for evil cunt reasons lol. (until cherry comes along so she can gag or very rarely snort but hate herself for it immediately) one of them being how people tend to call him shit like a crazed serial killer because that’s just kinda. a go to insult when he actually by definition isn’t one because he has only killed two people by the time story starts. he insufferably corrects people about it. he absolutely knows that it doesn’t make a real difference don’t get me wrong he just wants to be insufferable lol.

(fun fact i generally haven’t talked about here i think: shana does not enjoy killing whatsoever and only does it when he absolutely feels like he must. as in someone finding out about his crimes and planning to go to the police and having a chance to not merely be laughed out of the station. he finds it tedious and annoying at best. this is because his whole thing, his whole hedonistic pleasure comes from being a monster and being seeing as that/getting disgust and hatred from people. can’t give him that if they’re dead lol)

this one is less with himself but he does find it extremely amusing when cherry tells him about it. i once read about how surgeons generally have a reputation of all being at least a bit. insane or strange. but he’s generally regarded as super chill, funny and charming and friendly to everyone. when he’s really the worst person on earth lmao. not insane in rumours and i wouldn’t describe his true nature as necessarily insane either but very few people that have worked with him closely for a long while do start to see him as a little off-putting. not evil or anything just. indeed a bit strange lol.

also jokes that his evilness came with his tall gene because he’s the only one in his close and extended family who’s taller than like. 5’9 lol. (he’s around 6’6 i think? not good with that system i am a filthy european lol). he started towering over his mom and dad at like. 16 :’) he finds it very amusing to look at in old family pictures. takes away from the fact that he had to have braces which he hated and still hates to look at decades later lol.

and. i think i mentioned this earlier but saying that he is living breathing proof that the concept of karma either doesn’t exist or got seriously fucked up priorities because he is Like That and living such a happy and fulfilled life while genuinely kind people seemingly go through hellish shit again and again and again, a lot because of him even. maybe it’s because he’s an unambiguously bad person that he’s generally happy and maybe it’s just luck but in any case that’s also one of em. though it’s more of a joke than an actual belief because he actually tends to go into the ‘it doesn’t exist and i don’t really care anyways’ direction and i think would even if he wasn’t this happy and content with life.

there’s def more because he likes his jokes but i’ll stop for now lol

[wickymicky]

hi idek you but im glad you said something about the ETA thing lol there are some people using that single tweet, tweeted by god knows who, as “proof” without verifying it for themselves?? i tried to look it up, mikel was indeed a leader and there was an eva who was a member and an eva who was the daughter of one of the victims. there are a few marias related to the group because it’s such a common name lol. as with mikel and eva

now i do strongly dislike mhj i wont lie, and i cant listen to nwjns because of her + their ages, but people are reaching a bit (a lot) right now. it’ll just become something her supporters will bring up in the future

the only thing i wanna add to this is that "their ages" is something people are weird about too. two of them are 19, one is 18, one is 17. yes, one is 15 and that's not good, but if you listen to Le Sserafim, IVE, Izone, Itzy, or any other group that had young members debut, then i dont think you get to act like all of the Newjeans members are like 12 years old or something. it's just not true. IVE have pretty much the same age range. if you abstain from both of them, that's fine, though personally, aside from things like the ethics of having minors working full time as idols, i dont think it's a huge problem for teenagers to have role models who are their own age. i feel like a lot of the people who talk about how newjeans are super young are the kind of people who only engage with kpop in terms of shipping and sexualization. personally, i like music. when i see an idol ten years younger than me, i'm not thinking of how i wanna be their friend or lover or whatever lmao, but maybe i'm just built different.

newjeans's concept is nostalgia. people often say they're hypersexualized but there's just no proof of that. their concept is nostalgia. min heejin isn't the only one making the creative decisions here, there are a lot of people involved and they make really well-crafted artistic choices. for teens who are the same age as the Newjeans members (15-19), theyre a group who is "theirs" in a special way. for people who are older, Newjeans reminds them of their own youth.

i hate to break it to people, but being a Stan is not the only way to engage with kpop. you dont have to be obsessive, and i think it makes you look weird when you act like everyone obsesses in the same ways that you do.

anyway, whether Min Heejin is bad or not is not really something i know anything about, and to be honest, neither do you. She's not the only person involved anyway.

anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway, fuck kpop tumblr lmao. get your heads out of your asses and be normal for once in your lives

[sexydreamgirl]

hi!! im that anon that asked abt turning back time and worrying abt time whatever. i totally forgot i asked that lol! that persisting actually went horribly because i was giving fear power and i was just so scared i spiraled for like 3 days. but yesterday i said no FUCK that. im gonna reclaim my power. idk if this is a success story or an ask but im gonna put it here anyway.

i put up sticky notes on the side of my computer to remind myself to NEVER look back, and that morning i decided that i had perfect self concept and that i WOULD be aware of it before the end of the day. i was so scared! lol but i kept persisting. i didnt give fear power, i pushed it by and said NO WAY! NOTHING can get in the way of me and inevitably becoming aware of my perfect self concept.

as the day went on i had less anxiety and everything and around 4 i did some tarot reading, it was all very very great outlook, but it definitely predicted something. two cards basically said that my ambitions were running the risk of being undermined by my timidity and lack of self confidence, and the other card said that i will likely find myself with a problem but i will overcome it and triumph, i have the courage to do so. it scared me a little but i kinda brushed it off.

flash forward an hour, im washin dishes and im like damn i feel pretty fuckin good abt my self concept actually! i sat down and rhe feeling faded but i went back to my room and suddenly i looked at the clock and i laughed so hard that i started crying. july 24th?? fr? lmao?? like...thats just not true. i couldnt stop, i was so happy i just knew that the world was in my pocket. i just knew that theres no way its july 24th, its insane to even think about anything but my desires being the truth. i genuinely truly felt inevitable peace in my desires, i didnt even desire them in the 3d anymore. that morning i felt like id never get out of that cycle of lack and anxiety so bad i wanted to throw up and couldn't sleep but there i was. it truly was the best feeling i could ever ask for.

but it faded. and i know it was an accidental reversal. i had a twinge of fear that i could jinx it, reverse it. before then i dont think i ever thought of the concept of knowing a manifestation couldnt be reversed, especially not as a part of a good sc, it just never crossed my mind because it seemed obvious. it was a fear i couldnt push back and ignore. i didnt realize then that dwelling on the old story and doubting and all that has no power, it doesnt matter if you do that. i couldnt tell if it was birds before land or a reversal at first but i decided it was a reversal, it makes more sense and it feels more uplifting that i truly did do it. i doubted so much and i was so scared but in the end i really did become aware of it. even though it faded i stuck true to the reading, i wouldnt let it bring me down, this is just proof of how powerful i am. i didnt fail, its just a speck of dirt in the palm of god. im still scared ofc haha, but today ill be doing the same thing but ensuring it'll be forever. that i'll never reverse it, that's impossible.

i'm scared but i'm going to do my best to not let a thing stop me. i did it! everything will only get easier from here. if you have any input though id love to hear it

"i didn't fail, it's just a speck of dirt in the palm of God"

This right here. You may have doubts, you may feel fear but you still choose to have courage and continue regardless of what you're feeling. This is persisting.

[rataltouille]

GEOMETRY OF THE HOLY MOON (1 AM): A SHORT STORY

GENRE: surrealism, literary fiction.

POV & TENSE: this little space is not enough for how wild the form is so i talk about this later!!

SETTING: a small desi village, 1924-25.

TONE: dreamy, unsettling, melancholic.

THEMES: faith vs reality, how people perceive others and how they perceive themselves, grief dealt the wrong way.

AESTHETICS: the splash of water on a quiet night, thick clouds obscuring the sky, rippling the moon’s reflection on the water. the intensity of a garden in spring, the emptiness of a dying town, the suffocation from being singled out. hands grazing lightly but never fully held. a lingering sadness behind your laugh. believing in things you shouldn't believe in. putting faith on a starless sky.

STAGE: completed first draft, 4085 words.

LOGLINE: a young boy, surrounded by loss, claims to talk to god. the story follows him and his conversations with this god, all while his village spies on him as he weaves his way around the two most crucial and lonely years of his life.

LITERAL LOGLINE: on today’s news let’s talk about a small backward town that hates sad little boys who worship god, even though the place is lowkey a cult!!

CHARACTERS:

THE SUMMER BOY: he’s around thirteen, and he’s very emotionally attached to his past. he lost his family at a young age to an unstable force, so he spends his time talking to himself. he’s a quiet, demure and sweet person, always willing to help others. he’s outwardly oblivious and sees only the good in people to a point where he doesn't understand when they’re trying to do him wrong. but! considering how the story [like a lot of my others] has themes of perception vs reality, it needs to be said that he isn't all that innocent. he’s rather impulsive and rash, never afraid of hurting himself [and thus accidentally harming others].

A GOD: is he real? do we even know if he’s an actual god? a very elusive figure despite having a lot of screentime. he’s a surprisingly humanised character and arguably the one with the most empathy. he has a soft spot for the boy and the two have a deep bond which is not common for a human and a god to have. you don’t get insight to what the other gods are like, but they’re implied to exist. this story has a very messy and hazy view towards religion and godhood and their nature towards humanity, and this vague figure, a dreamlike character, is proof enough of that.

THE VILLAGE: okay so in general these people suck. the village consists of, well, the village, but they’re very fluid in the way they appear in the story? as in for the most part they appear as a collective, a unit. one character, the summer boy’s “friend”, is somewhat separate considering he’s a pretty important character. it’s very hard describing this unit of a character but essentially they’re the main antagonistic force and they hate the protagonist for seemingly no reason.

WHAT GOES DOWN:

sometime around this time, the boy chances upon meeting his “god”, this being who lives up in the clouds and whom he talks with often, except you don't know if this god is real or not. that’s one of the recurring themes of this story: what’s real and what isn’t. it’s :) a fun time :) for sure :)

essentially Things Happen And It Only Gets Weirder. i cannot even try describing what happens because it’s all very spoilery but let’s just say that this is a very sad story but not even in a “this makes me cry” manner, but rather in a “this is so fucked up wtf why”. the prose of this is very, very hazy and thick, in a manner that’s both smooth and suffocating. there’s also a lot of moon and water imagery which we love. i love the atmosphere + the setting—colonial india— as it’s a subtle but key element to the plot.

FORM:

OKAY YES be prepared for the true colours of how unhinged i am. i apologize for the form brainrot.

POV: so in this story i really said “what if it had all three of the main povs... jk jk... unless 😳😳” and then proceeded to use all three povs. you’re probably wondering, how did i do that? WHY did i do that? and my answer to that is: 🙂

the first-person pov: the summer boy narrates in first person. his pov takes up about 40% of the story, and this is where we unlock family backstory + how he feels about the various forces playing into his life. he’s an extremely unreliable narrator and he knows it; his narration oscillates between very naive and very self-aware, and this effect is pretty disconcerting. the summer boy is kind of a walking contradiction and we love that conflict.

the second-person pov: a god narrates in second person. his pov takes around 20% of the story, and his scenes all involve his conversations with the boy. his pov is extremely detached, and suspends belief because he seems awfully made up. there’s an edge to the prose in his narration, where you know that something's off, but you can’t exactly pinpoint what.

the third-person pov: the villagers narrate, either as a collective, or as an individual figure, in third person. they take up the other 40% of the story, and there are so many different people and differing opinions with this, and every time we read a third person excerpt it’s a different person, and this is mostly used to add onto the different ways in which the boy is perceived. this is also where the structural part of the form gets really wacky.

STRUCTURE: if my story isn't told in vignettes is it my story though /j. gothm is told in vignettes, each one between 50 to 500 words. the first and second person bits are normal-ish vignettes, with straightforward narration. the third person vignettes, on the other hand, are super assorted. we have a lot of epistolaric sections— there’s a letter, a folk song [which was found around the summer boy], and most of the conversation is told as just plain dialogue without tags. there’s also a phone call transcript, and finally some normal chunks of prose. what am i doing wtf.

also to add onto this the story is told non-linearly. 😀 the only thing that keeps me from going insane is the fact that there are chronological tags before most vignettes [also the manner in which they're tagged differs from pov to pov. for example a few of the third person conversations are marked just as “sunday” or “thursday”, while the summer boy’s narration is marked with the full date and year]

in all this clownery i completely forgot to mention what the tense was [the way everything else was so complicated that i forgot tense was a thing lmao] and good news!! it’s the only sane thing about this story!! it’s told fully in present tense. thank everything.

AN EXCERPT:

okay i’m once again not sharing much because this will be submitted to litmags 🧞

[The boy is scrawny as always. He carries an air of diswant— even death had rejected him when the plague killed only his grandmother— but walks like he doesn’t notice. He smiles at them, jitters, and wipes his hand across his knees. Blood comes away in thin, translucent lines. He saves it on the kerchief he keeps tucked in his shirt, careful to dirty the cloth even more. The villagers scrunch their noses in disgust; who knew how old and rotten the kerchief was, or how long it had carried blood like the unwashed sword of a warrior?]

also by the way this excerpt is in square brackets because it is a third-person interjection in a vignette that is otherwise first-person [at this point...]

SPARE THOUGHTS:

this was inspired by a conversation i had with my grandfather, where he was telling me about how people used to sing songs to the skies, as a way of devotion to a specific god. he used the [loose translation of] the english word “yearning” to refer to the emotion the singers would invoke, and that sparked the concept of a disillusioned young boy who talks to the moon as a way to please the god he’s in love with. it’s a very softly disconcerting story and once again deals with the theme of “perception vs reality” which if you know me and my work, is the theme i’m forever obsessed with.

i really like how this turned out? the atmosphere is exactly how i wanted it to be, and there’s so much i have to add on as i edit and i’m really looking forward to that. this is also the only short story i’ve written where i knew which litmag i’d love for it to be published in? like i never write things with publishing in mind, but for some reason while writing this story it occurred to me that it would be a perfect fit for this specific magazine and i love that. anyway if you’ve made it through the post till here,,,, bless you and your braincells. and that’s all for today!!

[thegodwithin]

I view myself as a failure to be honest. A liar and someone who struggles to do what others do easily. When it comes to others, I assume they are better unless proven otherwise. I see myself as inferior to everyone like a baby that people have to boss around and have to tell what to do. I feel like I’m stupid sometimes. I see myself as someone who can never make up their mind and I’m just here to please people. I feel like I have to do something in order to win the affection and attention. I feel like when I enter a room, no one turns their head unless I’m doing something fun or exciting and even at that, they look at my face and lose interest. I feel like someone who guys would be like “Eh, she’s a 3/10. Why would you ever let someone that ugly play you?” But I have this false delusion in my head that I’m pretty but everyone else thinks the opposite. I feel like that friend in the movies that everyone knows is dumb and ugly, but continues to lies to themselves to escape reality. I just feel like I’m lying when I’m confident because I mean look at me? Do I really have the right to feel confident when I look the way I look and act the way I act. I feel like the bitch that people force themselves to be around so she doesn’t get hurt when she figures out no one actually likes her. I feel like loser who never wins even when they try. I feel like someone who tries and tries just to be inferior to everyone around them. I feel like someone who is scared and instead of succeeding in the end, they were right and they end up failing like they thought they would. I feel like someone who struggles with shit that comes easy to everyone else. I feel like someone that’s only made to be a stepping stone for others and is only mean to “defend themselves”, but deep down they are just insecure. The opposite of THAT BITCH or an IT GIRL. I can never see myself in that light. More of the best friend or girl that follows the it girl around and follows her every move knowing she will never amount to the true IT GIRL. I feel like everything and everyone is against me and whatever higher power that’s out there (God) is laughing at me for attempting manifestation knowing I used it as an escape from Christianity. I mean how can I be the god of reality when I’m me? I’m just tasha. I can’t be a god when I’m this pathetic. I couldn’t even manifest a simple eye change and it’s been a year LMAO. I’ve seen others manifest what I want in days. I feel like I’ve made up manifestation in my head and I’m trying to use it with no concrete evidence besides success stories to make me feel better about my horrible life. But even if it was real, I will fall out of it like I did with everything else. Like I did with trying to journal or trying to workout because I’ll end up failing and lying to everyone and telling them I succeed so I look good. I feel like someone who fails and fails and someone who the universe is against LMAO or whatever higher power there is. If it was for me, why haven’t I gotten what I wanted? If I’m a god, why do I feel the way I do about myself? If I’m a god, why do I look the way I do? I don’t capture the beauty I’ve always wanted. I have a long face and droopy eyes THATS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT ANYONE WANTS. And I know people will be like I wish I had your determination. No you don’t because it’s physically hurting me at this point. I keep failing and getting hurt and won’t take no until I finally snap and leave it forever. Until I snap and lie and tell others I finally succeeded. I can’t even decide on what I fucking what. What boss bitch doesn’t know what they want? My determination is all for nothing if I just end up failing and have to cover for myself by saying, “Oh yeah it totally worked out.” Ik self concept but what specifically do I affirm for self concept and how do I affirm it to make it feel natural?

First of all, I'd like to say that I personally understand you, so I know how hard all of this can be.

Now I think you need to start over and really go over the basics of the law. Your external reality will only ever work to prove your assumptions to be true. It will also only reflect to you what you already are. So if you feel / believe that you are unattractive, you will face more circumstances that will make you reaffirm how unattractive you are. It’s pointless to look outside for changes or signs or any evidence that “this is working” because nothing can change before you do. Signs follow, they don't precede. Everything is reflecting your state of being, your awareness. Even your own thoughts and feelings, so pay attention to those.

This is a REALLY long reply so the rest is under the cut

If you were this new person that you want to become, if you were already her, do you think she would be seeing herself in this way? Do you think she would be thinking that she can’t get it right and that she’s a failure and unattractive? If she’s already the person that you want to be, she would know for a fact that she was a success story, she’s living proof of it! She would be focused on enjoying her life the way that she intended to.

There’s only ever one source within you, from which your whole reality is born from. You can’t come from a place of lack and a place of fulfillment at the same time. Like Neville said, you can’t serve two masters. You have to completely let go of your old master, which is your old story. This is the moment to stop everything and really be honest with yourself. Who are you being in this moment? Who were you yesterday? Last week? Last year? And you don’t really need any input from the outside to answer these questions. All of that is within you, in your thoughts, in your reactions, in your feelings, in the way you look at life and others, in your everyday expectations.

But letting go of the old story can be difficult, you’re so attached to it, you identify with it, it’s everything you have ever known. It’s okay, stop punishing yourself and calling yourself a failure over this, that type of attitude won’t help you with anything. I think it’s helpful to understand yourself first, know what you’re feeling and what you want, before you jump into any techniques or quick affirmation fixes that clearly aren’t helping you. You don’t need to be an IT GIRL or a boss bitch if that doesn’t feel right or natural to you. You don’t need to be perfect at everything in order to be successful, fulfilled and happy. Get to know yourself first, understand why you have been thinking and feeling this way and what would you prefer to be, what would you like to feel, in general. We always know what we want to feel, so start there when it comes to your desires.

In my opinion, you can’t really let go of the old story before you accept it first. And I don’t mean to accept it as true and factual of who you are, but accept it in terms of taking responsibility for being the creator of it. You don’t have to love it ofc, but get to a point where you can honestly look at it and say “yeah that sucked but it’s ok, I created it, it doesn’t mean anything else, it was just myself being reflected back to me, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, not even my own really. I didn’t know better.” Make peace with where you are and where you came from before you try to get to any new destinations.

To be god, or the god of your reality does not mean to be perfect and to look like an angel. It means to be the source of everything, to be the one in control, calling the shots. It means that you ARE your reality, you are your experiences, your relationships, your feelings and your thoughts. It means that there is absolutely nothing outside of you, nothing beyond your reach, nothing deciding anything in your life. Whatever you, as god, accepts as true, will be brought to life before your eyes. And you, as god, is the only one keeping everything alive around you, by giving your attention to it. By accepting it and validating it. By believing in it. By feeling it to be true. And your godself, or the god within you is your awareness, your imagination.

Now that you know and accept that you created all this and how you got here, the good news is that you can change it. You can in fact become a different person, that’s part of your power as god. Choose to no longer entertain and accept the concepts about yourself (or about anything else) that you don’t like. It’s only “real” because you accepted it as such, and you proved this acceptance by thinking and feeling from the perspective of those concepts being true. This will probably take a lot of discipline from you, you must become aware of who you are being everyday, and start choosing to think and feel in a different way. No need to “ignore” your 3d world, but rather just remind yourself that you created it, it’s not who you are anymore and it will certainly change, the more you become this new person within. Stop identifying with it and taking it as evidence. It’s not evidence, it’s a side effect.

Ask yourself, who do you want to be today? What do you want to feel like? and then proceed to give it to yourself in your imagination, in whichever way feels best to you (visualizing, feeling, affirming, scripting etc). Make a decision to prioritize giving yourself what you want in your mind everyday, as much as possible. Nothing else matters. Your goal should not be to change the circumstances but rather to change your mind, to change where your feelings and thoughts are coming from. The outside world has no choice but to conform to that, because it’s all you.

You don’t need to add anything into your thoughts (ex: using a bunch of affirmations), but rather just replace what’s already in there with the thoughts you would like to have instead. But know that as you do this everyday, you’re not running away from reality, you are molding it and transforming it, because it simply comes from you.

What you tell others is not relevant unless you assume it is. Remember that your conversations and interactions are also a reflection of you. If anything, take it as lessons, it’s life showing you what you are focusing on and accepting as true.

A key point tho is your discipline and persistence. This is a permanent change and a lifestyle. You can’t jump from one perspective (the new wanted one) and then go back to your old one (the old story, the old master remember?) if you don’t see changes in your outside world after a few days. You must persist in your preferred story. But don’t be forceful, don’t think that “oh i’m in the old state again so this means i’m not doing it right!”. If you catch yourself serving the old master just remind yourself that wait this isn’t true for me anymore, so I don’t even need to keep it up in my mind.

Free yourself to be who and what you want in your mind. Without needing to see it manifest. You want it, so you embody having it, you persist in it and as a side effect of how reality works, it shows up in your life.

Here’s 2 audios that are really helping me lately:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9Sk-ENo650

https://podcasts.apple.com/br/podcast/feeling-twisty/id1473719923?i=1000527543384

I would seriously recommend to go in depth with both of these sources, feeling twisty on apple podcasts and ALLISMIND on reddit.

I hope this helps!

[cinnella]

I dunno if this has been done yet but here it goes-

✨The Arcana: Main 6 in Among Us✨

Asra

blue

with the flamingo hat

is pretty damn good at lying about being the impostor, most of the time gets away with it because he blames Lucio, most of the time..

"don't get me wrong, but Julian and Lucio are really sus" "why them?" "they just sus" <Asra was The Impostor>

with other impostors, he tends to stick by himself tho

usually feels bad about killing Nadia or Portia, and spares Muriel and the MC

as crewmate, he gets the tasks done pretty quickly and then calls for a meeting to gather info about who might be the impostor

Julian

red

with the pirate bandana

absolutely SUCKS at being impostor, he can hardly lie and most times he'll kill someone and get immediately caught red handed

"guys i found lucio dead lmao, might be asra" "i literally saw you snap his neck tho?" "fair enough" <Julian was The Impostor>

he lets the other impostors on his team vote him out when killing someone, so they don't seem sus

literally the only one who he'd not feel bad about killing is Lucio, just saying

pretty good at being crewmate but he struggles with the wires and swipe card

Nadia

purple

with the flower hat

probably THE BEST at being impostor

most of the time the others don't even suspect her because she's so damn good at convincing people

"Quite honestly, if it were me, I would have been near the body" "but you could've vented" "The body was in the communications hallway, no? I was in reactor. Your argument is invalid" <Portia was not The Impostor>

she slays when in a team, quite literally, and 90% of the time they win

she's fast on tasks and rarely gets killed because she's always wary of the others

Muriel

green

with the egg hat

literally leaves the game as soon as he sees he's impostor

ain't no way he's killing or sabotaging anyone or anything, nuh-uh

doesn't really like to play in a team of impostors either, will probably only do so to offer alibi but that's about as far as he goes when being impostor

"do you guys think it's muriel that's one of them, he's really quiet" "...you have no proof" <Muriel was An Impostor>

as crewmate, he's very efficient, but he's not fond of electrical and reactor and always makes sure nobody's within range to kill him

Portia

orange

with the cherry hat

too damn good at being impostor, strategically using the vents for her advantage

but sometimes it happens that she vents in the wrong area and gets caught

"i saw Portia vent in medbay, it's her" "now hold on a minute buddy, i saw YOU vent" "THE FUCK YOU MEAN I HAD JUST GOTTEN THERE" <Lucio was not The Impostor>

she's even better with a team, always winning, snapping necks left and right

as good as she is at impostor, she loves being crewmate, getting to do tasks around the ship and help out the others when they're falsely accused

Lucio

yellow

with the goat horns

he ENJOYS being the impostor, HE LIVES for that adrenaline, but of course there's a downside

he's the absolute WORST at lying

"it's lucio" "OKAY YOU LISTEN HERE PUNK" "i'm listening" "actually.. i have nothing to say" <Lucio was The Impostor>

in a team tho, he's pretty damn good, of course he gets ejected pretty soon because he was caught killing and then fleeing, but he keeps sabotaging even as a ghost

he doesn't really like being crewmate, but he does tasks anyway because others will suspect he's the impostor

✨Bonus: The Apprentices✨

Eris

white

with the safety glasses

not very keen on being impostor, 50% of the time she'll call a meeting and tell everyone to vote her off so she can be crewmate

but when she is impostor, she avoids killing and focuses on sabotaging, sucks at lying

"i think it's eris" "you do me like that, really? You know i don't even like being impostor" <Eris was The Impostor>

if it's with multiple impostors, she'll always have the others' backs, in turn making everyone sus of her

is pretty good at being crewmate, completes her tasks and then goes on cams to spy on the others

Syro

pink

with the robber mask

damn good at being impostor, kills and vents faster than you can say 'lasagna' and doesn't accuse anyone aimlessly so he can gain their trust

"i mean, i didn't see anyone near except for asra and nadia, but in reality... Who wouldn't kill lucio?" "sy's got a point" <Julian was not The Impostor>

he sticks by the other impostors and offers alibi only when the crewmates blame them without proof

kinda slow on tasks because even if he doesn't accuse anyone immediately, he's sus all the time

tends to hang out by visual tasks like the medscan or storage chute to see who's clean

Morana

black

with the 'dum' sticker

average at the impostor, is bad at lying but good at killing and sabotaging so her chances of winning are 50/50

"you guys can believe whatever you want, but i was all the way in shields" "that's cap, both me and muriel were in shields" "that is true" "shit.." <Morana was The Impostor>

the other impostors give her a boost so she always wins when in a team

really good at being crewmate, she's fast but careful so she gets certain tasks done on first try

always does the admin swipe card first and rarely goes in electrical alone

Calyx

lime

with the plant hat

sucks sucks SUCKS at being the impostor, he just... doesn't like the concept at all, and if he does kill someone, he ALWAYS gets caught

"guys i just wanted to sabotage the reactor, i dont wanna kill nobody.." "wait, it's you?" "yeah, please just vote me off already" <Calyx was The Impostor>

let's the killing to the other impostors while he sabotages if he's in a team

he sticks close to his crewmates when doing tasks, the other finding it super sus

often offers alibi to those he knows are innocent

Libelle

cyan

with the bear ears

if you thought Calyx doesn't like the concept, hoo boy Libelle hates it, NEVER wants to be the impostor

"GUYS I JUST GOT IMPOSTOR WHAT DO I DO" <everyone voted Libelle> <Libelle was The Impostor>

literally just roams around while the other impostors do the deeds, making it look sus

as crewmate she usually follows Nadia or Calyx, cause she knows she can trust them

if she gets backstabbed by anyone, she'll continue her tasks as a ghost while mumbling "I trusted you..."

✨Feel free to add your own apprentices✨

[burningdarkfire]

for fanfic end of the year asks: how about two questions you really want to answer? (or if that is too broad, 14 and 25?)

hello anon!! i'll give you all of the above because i love to talk, thank u 💖

questions are from here - please send me an end-of-year fanfic ask!

14: a fic you didn't expect to write

i cannot explain enough what it feels like to write league of legends fanfiction 😂 i've played for 8+ years and it's changed my life in SO many ways but until this year it was so separate and far away from fandom as a hobby. then arcane happened!! i wasn't even that excited because those weren't the characters i cared about from the game but then jayvik seized me by the fucking throat lmao it still feels like a fever dream

25: a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

narrowing it down to one fic is really hard but it's probably proof by contradiction by @catalists. it hits every axis for me of being deeply personally enjoyable, incredibly well-written, and it does something new and interesting (the pairing of dairon and essek, in this case).

as a bonus, most of its merit is not rooted in a particular ship so it is a good recommendation for "everyone"

i'll put my dealer's choice answers under the cut!

1: favourite fic you wrote this year

i love let's pick the truth we believe in so much. in many ways it was my last true cr2 fanfic, the last fic that i went into really intending to do work with the concept, and i did. i made my peace with canon with that fic and everything since then has just been gravy. it was fun to write and i think it's well-written too - there's not a single segment that reads as weak to me even six months later

21: most memorable comment/review

i had someone read a fic, leave a comment, and then return six months later to leave an even longer comment that detailed like everything they liked and picked out like every single thorough line i had written and like, oh my god. the amount of joy and peace and validation that gave me was just off the fucking charts. i didn’t know and still don’t know how to put into words what that meant to me??

i also got a couple of asks inquiring about my nier fics which surprised me! it literally makes me so happy when ppl comment on them because i love them personally all so much and it just makes me so happy that people still care about them years later!!

[zumpietoo]

Here’s the thing that Milly/Zelda/Kombucha/Dazey/Lisa/etc and all the socks in their drawers combined don’t understand. It is 20fucking21. If Cole Sprouse was some horrible abuser of women, rather than just the victim of his unfortunate taste in headcases (aka Lili and Bree) – he would be CANCELLED. No army of teenage fans, no amount of popularity in Hollywood, nothing could protect him in this day and age. If Bree had the receipts she and her fans claim she does… where are they? Why hasn’t she come forward properly instead of vague posting about Cole on Tumblr/Twitter/Insta/Twitch/wtfever? Why did all of their mutual friends side with Cole during their breakup? Clearly these people don’t remember when the Bree shit hit the fan. People were ready with RECEIPTS of her fuckery… the head games SHE played, all of her jealous stalking (which she also stalked Lili for a while!!), how she shit all over things that made him happy because they didn’t include her, how she told everyone he emotionally abused her when the reality was she thought they were going to get married and be 2GETHER4EVER (at 19 lmao ok), and then when it turned out he just kind of wanted a girlfriend to have sex with and play video games with (lmao like MOST 19 year old guys), she flipped the fuck out and called it emotional abuse. People had all her crazy documented back then, went after her across multiple platforms, and she ended up deleting everything and claiming it was “his stans” that made it impossible for her to come forward which… no… she just didn’t actually HAVE anything, no proof, nothing. Meanwhile, all of their mutual friends unfollowed her, if not immediately then definitely in the years following. The only reason Bree drops his name anymore is because it’s the only way she stays even close to relevant. It’s not because he actually abused her, mentally, emotionally or otherwise… it’s because she’s a tinkerbell who can’t deal with it when she’s not the most important thing in someone’s universe and when that turned out to be the case with Cole, she threw a bunch of accusations at him, stalked his new girlfriend (Lili at the time) etc. But never EVER in all that did she produce an ounce of proof. No friends that sided with her. No texts. No nothing. Because none of what she claimed ever actually happened.

Fast forward to Lili and we have the same issue. If Lili was the victim of Cole’s horrible emotional abuse… she’d put his ass on blast so fast. Lili has ZERO problem speaking her mind. She shit talks like it’s going out of style, and if she was the golden child of Riverdale, and was loved and adored by the producers and writers and RAS and the rest of the cast, and was the welcome wagon and all of the other stuff that her stans claim, if she went to ANY leadership and said “This is what happened, it was horrible, and I cannot be around my abuser like this” the CW would fire him. Or at least work to accomodate Lili if she was that beloved. Look at how fast they got rid of Ruby Rose on Batwoman when it turned out she was a nightmare behind the scenes? And she was the literal STAR of the show. And isn’t their narrative that the show leadership can’t stand Cole anyway (some of that is true, looking at you RAS and Ted especially, but that’s not because Cole is a nightmare to work with and more because KJ isn’t the fan favorite which, whatever)? Also if Lili DID get the network/show to give him the boot, which if he was abusive to her, she absolutely could, what would Cole do? Sue for breach of contract? When she should have mountains of proof after 3 years? When no doubt the show would’ve seen this behavior happening too? Like, what is their REASONING that Lili suffered and continues to suffer all of this grief that he’s supposedly causing her by flaunting Ari, etc? If she had proof, if anyone had seen all of this happening, they could’ve gotten him bounced in a heartbeat. Look at how fast ALL of Hollywood turned on Armie Hammer? Kevin Spacey’s accuser came forward 30 years after the fact, with almost zero proof and Hollywood cancelled him so fast. This isn’t the early 2000’s or even the early 2010’s anymore. It is 2021 and if Cole was really that horrible, people in the industry would know, and no one would work with him. But instead he’s still booking photography work, he’s still booking movies (two of them, Moonshot and Undercover), he’s inking deals with production companies. His past coworkers are excited to see him when they run into him on the street. Practically everyone who works with him says what a hard working professional he is (or they don’t say anything at all). His podcast that he helped produce and starred in won one of THE awards for podcasts, and is most likely getting a second season. And what has Lili done? Her poetry book was on the NYT Best sellers list for a week and then fell off. Chemical Hearts flopped HARD (to the point where she was recently pimping it MONTHS after it released). Covergirl filmed one commercial with her and did one print photoshoot with her, and then basically cut ties, having Lili put together her own photoshoots. Even if she didn’t buy her way onto PlusMinus or whatever it’s called, she still has 1 movie coming up and nothing else. Nothing even in the works that we know about. She’s the only one promoting Riverdale at all anymore because she has nothing else to fall back on. Honestly, the only reason she has pretty much any engagement anymore is because of her dog, who I actually think might be more popular than she is now. AND on top of all that, her recent whatever with Wallis apparently already has drama while Cole and Ari remain unbothered despite Ken and that other pap being dicks and all of the hate they Cari lobbed at them on a daily basis. Like, sorry Lili stans that she’s on the brink of irrelevancy, but if she had been abused and had her head fucked with like you all claim she has, she’d be lighting Cole up on social media because people would believe her, proof or no proof. Instead, she’s hanging with people who “only validate” her, including a toxic drunk bitch who basically trashed not only Cole but also Dylan at like, 3 in the morning all because Lili had to do a scene with her ex, and her mom who is KNOWN for feeding the fandom BS lies that she later gets caught out in. She’s trickling out a self-staged photoshoot because she hasn’t booked a real one in what? A year? She has 1 movie, and relies on her dog or breadcrumbing with another B-list actress to get her likes. I know its a tough pill to swallow for them and that’s why they’ve doubled down on the crazy so hard lately, but honestly it’s just sad now. There’s zero proof that Cole is anything they say, and if there was proof, Bree and especially Lili would be shouting it from the rooftops, but it doesn’t exist. There IS plenty of proof that Lili has zero work lined up, and a new drama filled relationship, and toxic friends (and that she cheated on Sam to be with Cole… something else they have absolutely NO PROOF of Cole doing). Sucks to be them I guess.

Even their concept of “abuse” consists of “Cole moving on and living his best life/OMG Cheater!!!”

And the latter applies to Lili, not Cole....

[janiedean]

I was wondering what you feel about the opinion that GRRM hates feminine/non-warrior women because they (Catelyn, Cersei, Sansa) are written with intentional flaws while his warrior girls (Brienne, Arya) are not? Do you agree with that? That Brienne and Arya have no flaws? It was some dumb meta about how the world is against Brienne, but she never does harm to the world, so she's a bad character and GRRM is a misogynist or something. (1/2)

I disagree obviously. Just because Brienne is not a demon doesn't mean she doesn't have flaws or she's a bad character lol. Like... why can't we have an angel in a world of monsters? What's wrong with that? Are these people jealous that Brienne is one of those pure character that their faves are not, so they feel like dismissing her as a bad character to make themselves feel good? I'm asking you because I know you love Catelyn and Brienne so I know you're the best person to ask this. Ty (2/2)

... I mean this has a long answer to give but this *meta* seems to me like it was written by someone who has no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to who grrm hates in his writing or his supposed misogyny because they have it all wrong and I think you pretty much guessed the point, but in order, let’s... tackle this one by one:

grrm doesn’t at all hate cat and sansa and their flaws are... flaws in the sense that he’s writing them like good people who aren’t 100% perfect but like.. sansa’s *flaws* from the beginning are stuff that’s common to most 12yo girls in existence and she overcomes them and she’s generally a good and kind and caring person whose main trait is that she’s good and kind and stays like that so how exactly now she’s written... like you’re supposed to hate her? bc she’s not. grrm never wanted you to hate sansa. he wrote her like a realistic 11-15yo but like most of us were like that at that age or have had friends who were like that, so... what the fuck. catelyn.... like guys the one heavy flaw she has is her treatment of jon but she’s written as a smart person who’s trying to live in a misogynistic society as best as she can and she’s written like a tragic character but grrm obviously likes her/loves writing her, it’s.... like if you read her chapters you can see how much work/love/craft went into them and how he worked on her bg very carefully also she is more of a protagonist than ned until asos when it comes to the stark side like.... how is giving her human flaws meaning he hates her?? grrm doesn’t hate her. the fact that she and brienne end up doing the knightly/lady sworn sword thing is even more of a proof he doesn’t but more on that later;

cersei... well I mean grrm obv doesn’t like cersei that much but a) he’s written a version of that character at least thrice already including the asoiaf one so I think he has an ex like that that he doesn’t particularly remember fondly or smth but like... she’s written to be a villain. she’s a villain. she’s a very well-crafted/thought out villain with a realistic background but diff. from cat and sansa she’s there to be the antagonist period, and just like... cersei and cat are aesthetically the same archetype and they couldn’t be more different so idk wtf are people smoking when saying that and if they can’t read cat chapters without fandom-hates-her glasses idk what to tell them;

brienne and arya have flaws are we serious, like arya has the flaws everyone has at that age (too impulsive/tends to judge people very fast/is too fixed on things/doesn’t listen to people etc) but like she’s fucking nine when it starts and she gets traumatized to hell and back, like arya’s sl to me is creepy af because no 12yo should be like that and it’s a very good trauma exploration but like....... she has faults but she’s not a bad person for obvious reasons as in SHE’S A KID same as sansa same as EVERYONE UNDERAGE IN THESE BOOKS except partially joffrey and even he has a background that explains how he is, like.... arya and sansa are supposed to be written in an equally sympathetic but specular way because they have opposite ways of reacting to trauma ie sansa holds on to her kindness arya gets progressively detached because she has to kill people to survive but you’re not supposed to hate either of them? honestly grrm wrote them with the exact same stakes, anyone who thinks it’s qualitatively different needs to go back and reread it with some intellectual honestly;

brienne... I mean we serious? the thing with brienne is that she’s a fundamentally good person who is written to become the ultimate example of a good knight™ and who is supposed to restore decency to the title after the institution has crumpled into the dirt, so... she’s... good, same as dunk is in the novels, but like: lmao she has a lot of faults, first thing that at the beginning she judges everyone on sight and sees everything in black and white, she has zero preservation instinct and nonexisting selfesteem because she thinks her life isn’t worth her vows and she thinks she’s not fit for anything she tries to do and would have died for a guy who danced with her once like sorry that’s not healthy, which are all things,... she’s... getting over.... because she has a character arc, but saying that brienne isn’t realistic or doesn’t have faults is ridiculous because she is;

now, this concept that grrm is misogynist is idiotic because a guy who has an insane number of female povs - some of which are the same trope ie brienne and arya - and have all a distinct different personality and voice and none of them are like too idealized or too evil and are to a level relatable means he’s everything but because a misogynyst wouldn’t be able to pull that off. like, in any other book brienne and arya would have been the same character, in his they’re not, so maybe like... give him some credit in the sense that the moment half of your povs are well-written realistic female characters and the ones without povs are equally well-written/manage to be fan faves (ie marg and olenna) maybe he’s just... not... a misogynist nor hates women so that’s out of the way;

re cat and brienne: like... saying ‘ah he hates catelyn’ when catelyn is literally the first *lady* who treats brienne like a friend/peer/person she cares about is completely fucking idiotic because guess what if you’re like brienne usually most Attractive Girls™ the way cat is are not your best friends in life (I mean c. calls her a cow and they didn’t even meet on paper lmao and it’s obvious from b’s povs that she has bad experiences with other women in general), so the fact that cat actually sees her worth, accepts her as her sworn sword doing a thing that’s usually just between men, trusts her with her daughters’ lives, thinks she’s a better knight than jaime could be and treats her as it befits her station (in riverrun she had dresses made for her but brienne wouldn’t wear them) and is actually good to one of the few good people in these books who gets treated like dirt by most others should tell you exactly what grrm thinks of catelyn, ie nothing too bad, and that she’s a good person who fucked up on one thing that the narrative knows and doesn’t excuse, but like.... lmao that entire argument falls flat just for that;

Are these people jealous that Brienne is one of those pure character that their faves are not, so they feel like dismissing her as a bad character to make themselves feel good? you’re on to smth but as I ranted on twitter once: this all falls again to the fact that people Cannot Accept The Fact That An Ugly Girl Who Is Going To Stay Ugly is one of the moral hearts of these series and is An Actual Good Person Who Deserves Good Things in spite of not performing femininity, and who’s going to get the guy of her dreams (who is Hot) without settling and without becoming beautiful, and she’ll manage to realize her dreams even without becoming beautiful and regardless of having been treated like dirt because of her looks all her life, and like... apparently that is too much or too complicated to conceive and so either they have to decide she’s not That ugly or make her things she’s not or decide she’ll die early wow and whatever else, but like: the problem is that usually the Pure Moral Center Of A Story Who Happens To Be Female and gets her dreams and the hot dude is standard attractive. brienne is not, she has trauma because of that, and she’s still the best person in there (or one of the best) and she’ll get her dreams and the hot dude, and people can’t handle this specific concept nor admit that grrm, having done a thing that no one else has until now because there’s no other brienne in genre literature/in that way, is everything but a misogynist, since he actually, ah, wait, gave decent rep to people who most times are relegated to playing the best friend who stays single or are usually evil bc ugly antagonist women are everywhere, ugly protagonist women who are actually Good People™ and aren’t a paragon of Pure Virtue and don’t die virgins? not really. so: people can’t handle that brienne the way she is is a Good Person and The One True Knight In Westeros and it’s a sad thing but it just shows that maybe more people should go for that trope and that’s my two cents;

other than that no guy who can write the range of women grrm does can be a misogynist by definition, especially a guy who managed to get perfectly how it feels being a straight nonstandard attractive woman in society in general because my friends if before I stumbled into asoiaf I never related 100% to one fictional character ever there was a reason, and I read a lot, so people can bite me on that thing;

to end and comment on one thing: 

how the world is against Brienne, but she never does harm to the world

congrats to OP they went THAT close to it: that’s the entire fucking point. being like brienne in her society (and not performing femininity™ correctly in ours) means that whatever you do people will criticize you and treat you like dirt even if you don’t mean them any harm. the world is absolutely against her because all the circumstances are stacked against her - she’s a woman, doing a man’s job, looking nonattractive and therefore other women treat her like dirt and men don’t consider her or see her as a threat and hate her for it because she’s better at their job than they are, wanting to be a knight which is a thing that’s technically forbidden bc women can’t be anointed as far as the westerosi law says, who’s doing that because she knows she’s good at it but every single person in her way doesn’t want her to succeed except for a handful, can’t use femininity to navigate the world and she has to survive as a woman in a men’s world in an extremely misogynistic medieval society and there’s a reason why no one but three people takes her seriously, ie that if you don’t count a few people in f&b that are history book material in her context/timeframe she’s an unicum and people tend to dislike it when you’re an unicum/sticking out/wanting to go against the system. the system is absolutely stacked against her, when everything she wants is do good to others and making her father proud and be a knight and find love, and even if it’s not that much to ask for her it’s, on paper, impossible.... and the entire point is that as impossible as it looks she’s definitely going to get it because she’s written exactly for that, and if people haven’t grasped that it’s her arc - overcoming a misogynistic society and living beyond gender roles regardless of your looks which in itself is groundbreakingly feminist - sorry for them but they’ll have a bad wake up call when grrm gets wow/ados out.

and that’s my two cents, but like: there’s nothing wrong in liking characters With Faults or evil ones and you can find Good Ones boring, just don’t try to make it pass like the author is a misogynist because the Good Character is a nonstandard attractive gnc woman because that’s actually a thing no one else ever did.

and this stated brienne is more similar to book!sansa than book!arya personality-wise so it’s an argument that doesn’t hold on even joking. /two cents

[kbstories]

impression//expression

"It’s not like Kirishima had come all this way to U.A. to immediately break the promise he made to himself upon arrival.

It’s just that Bakugou is as feral as they come, and the moment Kirishima recognizes it’s fear he felt crawling up his spine that day, he makes it his personal mission to face it head-on until it’s gone."

(Or: Being friends with Bakugou Katsuki is anything but a linear experience. Kirishima Eijirou would have it no other way.)

Tags: Kirishima POV, Developing Friendships, Protective Kiri, Soft Baku, Chatting

Chapter 1. No additional content warnings apply. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.

***

The routine goes as follows:

Bakugou waits for Kirishima at the front door, arms crossed and a varying degree of pissed off depending how late he's running. Kirishima complains about the train being postponed or too full or delayed in some way – which is true, damn it, it’s like the universe has doomed his train line and none other in all of Japan to be the statistical outlier in an otherwise spotless record of punctuality – and begs for forgiveness, usually by bribing Bakugou with some post-workout coffee.

It works surprisingly well. A month into this and Kirishima is about ready to join one of those conspiracy theory servers Kaminari is so fond of because Bakugou is actually pretty lenient, death threats and crackling palms aside.

(That being said, Kirishima enjoys life and living and chasing after his dreams, so he will never breathe a word about that particular observation to anyone, least of all Bakugou himself.)

They usually got the gym to themselves, the employees on the early shift always looking vaguely relieved that at least someone is making use of their opening hours. Kirishima’s never been a regular anywhere aside from perhaps the manga store a few blocks from his home, so it feels a bit special to have this implicit claim to the training area made for heat-based quirks every Saturday morning.

Bakugou snorted when Kirishima told him that, muttering what sounded like fucking nerd under his breath.

The rest is pretty straight-forward. Kirishima’s been on a daily workout schedule for a good year by this point, and it’s clear Bakugou is used to it too. They stretch, do some warm-ups (in Bakugou’s case, quite literally) and off they go.

The thing is: It’s fun. Like, really, really fun. Really loud, too, especially when Bakugou’s got his sweat on and comes at him point-blank and flashy like fireworks personified. By the first session, Kirishima already realized it’s a lost cause trying to talk during training because all Bakugou replies with is an exasperated “Hah?!” no matter what he says.

It’s not like Kirishima could’ve heard himself speak anyways, his ears always left ringing something fierce from all the close-quarter explosions. Bakugou is a stranger to the concept of holding back or taking things by half measures, that much hasn’t changed.

Elsewhere, it might’ve taken a while for Kirishima to push his quirk to the point where his skin breaks out in cracks and ridges, his arms and shoulders and hair turning unyielding and clear-cut like miniature mountains. Not here, though: Not when the choices are to put his best foot forward with every move, or have Bakugou tear his throat out for daring to waste his time. There’s something so freeing about letting loose like that – a thrill that sends Kirishima’s heart on a war path and his pulse soaring until all that’s left are his instincts and quick reflexes.

Like this, every time he gets a hit in or a blast manages to leave a mark on his body, Bakugou grins and Kirishima grins back. Like this, the bruises and lost hours of sleep pale in comparison to just how bright Bakugou’s eyes can shine.

*

Kirishima brushes off the last traces of carbon dust off his arms to start massaging the sore muscles there. With U.A.’s Sports Festival a mere handful of days away, both of them kept going until their quirks started to sputter.

A strange comfort, to sit in mutual exhaustion like this. It’s not even noon but Kirishima could totally go for a nap, right there on the black, fire-proof tiles. Leaning back on his hands, he hums and asks:

“So. What’s the deal with Midoriya?”

A few feet from him, Bakugou pauses in rolling his shoulders. The black tank top he’s wearing is positively plastered to his body with sweat, his track pants saved from the same fate by how bulky they are.

“What?”

Too late, it occurs to Kirishima to feel nervous. The sensation is dim against the warmth still clinging to his skin though, that minute ache that comes with becoming stone for too long. “Being around him pisses you off. What’s up with that?”

Bakugou stares at him. His expression is hard to read, firmly within the realm of his default frown. “The fuck, Shitty Hair. What’s it to you?”

Uh oh. Kirishima sits up, mostly to raise his hands in a placating gesture, palm-up. “Just curious, bro. Honest. Been wondering for a while so I thought I’d ask, y’know?”

As bold as Kirishima aims to be, lying Bakugou in the face when his gaze is sharp enough to cut a bitch would be a monumentally stupid move. Bakugou seems to come to the same conclusion, even if his scoff is plenty aggressive.

“None of your fucking business, that’s what’s up with it. Fucking… Deku, bah.”

To say the silence that follows is loaded is the understatement of the century. Kirishima chews on his tongue, about a thousand questions balancing on its tip; it’s like the Midoriya he sees is the polar opposite of the one Bakugou blows a fuse over on a regular basis, and the why behind it is kind of starting to haunt him. (It doesn’t help that everyone in 1-A treats him as some sort of expert in all things Bakugou instead of interacting with the guy directly.)

One glance at Bakugou and he swallows it all down. Only now, with any and all traces of it gone, does Kirishima realize how calm he had looked. “…Coffee?”

Bakugou picks himself off the ground and leaves without another word.

*

Baku 💣💥

it’s bullshit dude (sent 18:23)

u know that right? (sent 18:23)

right? (sent 18:48)

like the whole chains + muzzle thing was ass i’m still fuming (sent 19:10)

and the press can go duck themselves lol (sent 19:12)

fuck** (sent 19:12)

it’s ur right to refuse the thing if u don’t want it (sent 19:15)

idk man it just sucks (sent 19:20)

baku? (sent 19:35)

:( (sent 19:55)

-

i know (received 19:56)

stop blowing up my phone (received 19:57)

-

baku!! ❤️  (sent 19:57)

sry haha (sent 19:57)

u ok tho? (sent 20:00)

-

fuck off (received 20:01)

-

sry sry (sent 20:01)

(my moms say hi btw 💪🏻💪🏻) (sent 20:32)

((and congrats but i told em u don’t wanna hear it lmao)) (sent 20:33)

-

hi back (received 20:40)

 -

💪🏻  (sent 20:42)

*

Lord Explosion Murder?? (Baku 💣💥 )

so like (sent 6:20)

ur hero name (sent 6:20)

-

? (received 6:21)

-

oh! morning lol (sent 6:22)

ok so. it’s a bit of a mouthful (sent 6:24)

manly! (sent 6:24)

but y’know (sent 6:24)

-

k (received 6:25)

-

what about nitro? or smth (sent 6:30)

it’s snappy and cool! like u hehe (sent 6:33)

WAIT NO (sent 6:33)

LIKE (sent 6:33)

UM (sent 6:34)

 -

kirishima (received 6:34)

-

yea? (sent 6:34)

OH SHIT DID U JUST (sent 6:36)

pls don’t kill me (sent 6:36)

bro? (sent 6:40)

bakubro? (sent 6:48)

nitro? 👀  (sent 6:53)

… (sent 6:57)

at least lemme say bye to my dog man (sent 7:00)

-

no (received 7:00)

-

RIP in pieces me (sent 7:00)

*

Nitro!! (Baku 💣💥 )

oi dipshit (received 8:02)

-

?? 👀  (sent 8:02)

-

you owe me coffee (received 8:03)

-

!!! (sent 8:03)

[train_view.jpg] (sent 8:18)

omw 💪🏻  (sent 8:19)

-

k (received 8:19)

>>Chapter 3

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

hi u don’t have to post this but i just wanna vent ab the drama earlier cause it’s giving me anxiety and i can’t stop thinking ab it lol. (also ur blog is a very safe place for me and i feel like i’m able to speak safely here ♥️) i feel like everyone has pretty much dropped the whole ordeal but i can’t help but feel irritated by the little jabs that some ppl are making at that blog —

— i feel like it’s been taken too far and these bigger blogs are low key just bull*ing now. like one went as far as to put something in her bio and it just didn’t sit right w me. idk i’m probs just being dramatic but i’m just seeing ppl drag this on with their sorta malicious posts and it’s fucked up cause it’s like everybody’s ganging up on her —

— i just don’t want anybody to be so affected that they delete or something. or i’m just reading too much into little posts and giving myself all this anxiety for no reason lmao. n e ways ty for answering all of your sweet anons. i’m seeing your posts on my dash and it’s making me feel a lot better 🥺

I’d like to preface this response just so this anon knows that I am in no way, shape, or form trying to attack them in any way!!! I’m just attempting to educate on the situation at hand from what I’ve seen!! I’m honored that my blog is a safe space for you and I love you so very much, which is why I’m going to try and explain the circumstances of everything as best as I can 🥺  this is also the one and only post i’m gonna make about this because i want to keep this blog as drama-free and safe as possible and we should all move forward now that it’s been dealt with!!

here are two posts that i feel summarized the point really well

This blog already had a vendetta against the other blogs in question because one of them unfollowed her because the content being posted made her uncomfortable. Unfollowing is valid and it is unproblematic, to be honest!! If you don’t like the content someone is posting, the logical and peaceful move is to unfollow to avoid any future issues.

But the blog that instigated the trouble was angry about it and then piggybacked off this vendetta and tried to call the other two blog racists because apparently they weren’t “posting enough about the BLM movement” and about the current political and societal relations. However, both of the blogs being targeted HAVE posted about the George Floyd situation and have done what they can to spread awareness. The blog that instigated the issue was basically trying to police their participation because apparently it wasn’t up to her standards and she was saying that continuing to post about regular content is some type of crime because everyone’s blogs should just be solely about the cause at this moment. That is the stance she took. She then dragged the other two blogs by saying that posting concepts and harry content is somehow racist because they’re focusing on something other than just the BLM movement.

But the thing is, this situation isn’t a competition. It isn’t a game. This is real, and any amount of awareness and help is valid. Whether you reblog a billion posts or ten, you are still helping spread the movement. As long as your support is provided in one way or another, that’s all that matters.

Anything you do to help the cause is valid and no one should ever discredit the effort others put in because the fact that they’re putting it in is what MATTERS. Giving every waking moment to one cause is difficult and definitely not good for your mental health so it’s okay to take breaks and not be on top of everything 100% of the time. We’re human, not robots. People do what they can to help and let it be known that it counts. Escapism isn’t a crime. It’s okay to want to reblog other things that make you happy and make this time more bearable. It’s okay to post about content that helps you relieve stress because constantly providing your entire soul to a situation this severe can be draining and deteriorating. There is nothing wrong about participating in the movement, spreading awareness, and then taking time to indulge yourself in things that will help keep you sane. It’s what’s right for not only yourself, but for others around you because then you’re helping each other feel better and that is a beautiful and powerful thing.

The blog that started all the drama claimed to be an ally, but then proceeded to tear down black women (aka from the community she is allegedly defending) in the fandom because they disagree with her extreme measures. Then, one of these blogs started receiving hateful, racist comments because she dared speak out against that blog. That’s not right. How DARE YOU try and invalidated the opinion and argument of someone who is directly impacted by what is happening right now. It’s immature and it shows that your argument was never about helping their community, but instead it was to make yourself look better than others because apparently the amount of content you reblog about this topic somehow determines whether you support it or not??? That’s utter crap. ANY amount of content spread about the situation helps. Like I said, whether it’s a few posts or a billion, you are helping either way. And claiming someone is racist is a steep accusation that has to be supported by valid proof, not just “oh well they’re continuing to post regular content so they MUST be racist.” That doesn’t add up!!!!

Helping create a safe space where people can come to take a mental breather shouldn’t be antagonized!!!!

This is why everyone is infuriated. Because a girl tried to use an important societal movement as a tool to fuel her revenge for some petty tumblr drama. She’s not being attacked, she’s facing the consequences for her actions. Things were bad, but they got worse when she had the audacity to discredit the voice of black people who tried to educate her. You can’t claim to be an ally and then tear down the person you claim to be protecting just because they disagreed with you. It’s hypocritical and shows your true intentions.

That’s really all I have to say on it, and I hope I didn’t upset you or anything!! I just wanted to kinda update you on everything and make it clear as to why everything is happening the way it is. I’m always here if you need to talk!!! And I’m truly so happy that me and my anons can make you smile during such a rough time 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it’s all I could ever want 💞

[bthump]

Thx 4 your compelling answer! You made me curious about what do you think Guts and Griffith would be like as a couple, how do you imagine their dynamic would develop and grow. Not super chill I agree lmao but it's very interesting given their respective baggages. And kind of unrelated but I was soo mad that Casca insisted Guts to leave the 2nd time even when Guts was like: HEY I WANNA STAY FOR REAL. But Griffith never knew that. Hurts but that's the kind of element that makes for a great tragedy

ikr! Man that scene where Griffith overhears them is so painful. Like it makes sense that Casca would tell Guts to leave imo for a few reasons (mainly because Guts successfully convinced her after they had sex that it was what he ~really truly wanted~ lol, and also I think there’s some interesting selfishness on her part there too) but man, it’s tragic.

Anyway back at you, thanks for the interesting questions. lol idk where to start with this one really because like, there’s so much to potentially say, and so many potential ways for their relationship to go, like I don’t really have One True Concept of their relationship, there are so many possibilities and options.

Holy shit this got ridiculously long lol, sorry. I just used the opportunity to throw out like as many of my griffguts opinions as I could reasonably fit lmao.

I guess there are a few things that I tend to stick to when I’m imagining them together in like a Golden Age AU where everything worked out, tho ofc none of this is set in stone.

Like, if this is an AU without the whole overheard Promrose Hall speech that changes everything, I tend to think Guts is more likely to make the first move. Like say Guts didn’t hear the speech but still fell off the cliff with Casca and got her monologue, and without his feelings of inadequacy clouding his understanding he actually starts to get it, like, I pretty much think Guts would’ve kissed him during Tombstone of Flame 2. Griffith being openly afraid of Guts’ judgement -> Guts impulsively demonstrating exactly how he really feels about him.

But also just in general I think Guts is more likely to act on his feelings without thinking about potential consequences or how it could’ve gone wrong until afterwards, so I can imagine a lot of scenarios where he’d make the first move. Whereas even if Griffith did figure out how he feels and what he wants, it’s harder for me to see him going for it. On the one hand yeah he does have that “I must obtain what I desire” attitude, on the other hand what he wants is for Guts to love and want him, and he’d know that, and he’d know that kissing Guts is not necessarily going to get him that, and might end up ruining everything he does have.

Like, dude has a major fear of rejection.

But I guess I could see him also impulsively going for it in a more extreme moment - like the way his mind shuts off and he runs to save Guts from Zodd, I could imagine a thank god you’re alive type kiss, eg. But imo he’d need more of a push than Guts would.

And yeah I think both of their respective traumas would affect things, but I’d prefer to delay that a bit? I want them to have a good positive sexual encounter before they start sorting through all their issues together, basically so they have proof that it’s worth persisting lol, and I think that’s pretty easy to manage. Like, they start making out and end up jerking each other off and no one has any flashbacks, easy peasy.

I could see them getting past a bad first time, but it wouldn’t be easy lol. Like first off they’re both overly likely to take it as a personal condemnation, even if logically that’s not how trauma works, because they both hate themselves, and they both canonically have a fear of being monstrous/predatory. Griffith asking if Guts thinks he’s cruel and tbqh most of his speech to the King in the dungeon is indicative of this imo, and Guts seeing himself as a monster after killing Adonis and also in canon flashbacking from his rapist’s perspective.

And yk, if they do start having sex without immediate issues, I imagine the first problem that would come up sooner rather than later would be Guts flashbacking. I tend to assume he would be upfront about not wanting to get fucked without saying why, and Griffith would be fine with that, and then Guts would still eventually have a flashback while topping and it would take him by surprise like in canon. I could see Guts reacting basically the exact same way he did with Casca, rambly confessional and all, and I think Griffith would be supportive and comforting and understanding in the immediate aftermath. Hopefully Guts would make it very clear that it had nothing to do with anything Griffith did or anything about him and he still wants to get laid on the regular, because otherwise I could see something stupid happening afterwards like Griffith withdrawing out of fear of his potential to Guts and Guts blaming himself for making things weird and neither of them talking about it until something gives.

Anyway if they do successfully navigate that, the next problem would be more insidious, and it would be Griffith, and the way he views sex as transactional. Like when I say Griffith would be fine with never topping, I think that holds true entirely regardless of what Griffith might actually want personally from a sexual encounter. He’d let Guts fuck him even if he hated it, because what he wants is the emotional closeness and Guts needing him and wanting him. I think he actually would want sex with Guts for its own sake and enjoy it, like he’s attracted to Guts and he wants him and I def don’t think he would hate it in any way. Buuut I see him as very detached from his own physical desires, yk? Dude has never had sex because he wanted to have sex, even the evil personification of his inner darkness didn’t lol.

And along with that you could have the additional problem of enjoying sex with a man being another potential source of self-loathing for him. I’m thinking because of ‘am I dirty?” in the river, and again the scene in the dungeon w/ the King lends itself to this really well too. Like it’s so easy to read internalized homophobia into his narrative imo, even the entire structure of it, with Charlotte and the dream on one side and Guts on the other.

And basically I think those issues would combine to make him see sex as something he gives in return for Guts’ love/loyalty/presence, and avoid seeing it as something he personally wants. So like basically I think in a way he’d use that transactional framework as a justification for doing something he really really wants to do (sex with Guts) but that he doesn’t want to acknowledge he wants because it makes him hate himself because a) internalized homophobia and also b) deep down he knows he wants Guts more than the dream which also makes him feel guilty.

Also like, when it comes to Griffith and his issues I don’t think any of this is required, like canonically we know Guts’ csa trauma affects him but we don’t really know how Griffith’s csa trauma affects him. I wouldn’t see it as out of character if he was ultimately fine with his desire for Guts and doesn’t contribute any issues to the griffguts sex life. But it’s really really easy to see how he could have a metric ton of issues with sex to work through, and I think those would be really interesting to explore, basically.

Plus I don’t necessarily think this would actually… matter? Like I could easily see Griffith never giving Guts any cause for concern, they never talk about this, Griffith himself barely notices that he’s got a messed up attitude towards sex, and eventually he just internally works through it himself as his relationship with Guts progresses and he gets more comfortable with wanting Guts and wanting sex for its own sake and he achieves his dream regardless of his emotional priorities, etc. Like this could all easily work itself out in Griffith’s subconscious without any external drama lol. (Tho if Guts ever picked up on this it would def fuck him up and the fallout would be big.)

ANYWAY so that’s all the trauma stuff I could see influencing their relationship.

Overall I think there’d be way more good than bad. They’re perfect for each other. Griffith wants Guts to know him and see all the stuff he hates about himself and want him anyway, and Guts would absolutely do that, and demonstrate it thoroughly, and it would do wonders for Griffith’s self-acceptance. Guts wants Griffith to pay attention to him, to love him and respect him and look at him, and being in a relationship with him would give him everything he wants. The way Griffith looks at him after they kiss or while they’re fucking or whatever, like he’s the only thing in the world, would be the highlight of Guts’ life. Guts fucking Griffith like he needs him, or making love to him with reverence, or demonstrating casual closeness and affection, would be the highlight of Griffith’s.

I think Charlotte and the dream would be a bit of an issue for Guts, like I could see him being jealous, but I could also see him being totally able to see Charlotte as business and himself as the person Griffith wants. The fact that they’re fucking behind Charlotte’s back would itself be probably enough proof of how much Griffith wants him and is willing to risk for him to make Guts feel secure. Like basically I could see jealous insecure Guts telling Griffith they should break it off because the risk to his dream is too much and Griffith refusing out of hand, and that being a big moment for Guts and his feelings of security in their relationship.

Eventually I think the most satisfying direction their relationship could go would be Griffith decisively choosing Guts over the dream and having grown enough in their years together that he’s able to live with that choice and be happy with Guts instead of a big exaggerated dream lol. As far as I’m concerned that’s the secret Berserk happy ending that they never got a chance to get to, but is wholly telegraphed by the story as something that could’ve happened if everything hadn’t gone wrong.

Hmm what else. Random details I guess: I think they’d start out with Guts exclusively topping when they have penetrative sex but Guts would absolutely eventually want Griffith to fuck him imo, and their first time switching it up would be pretty emotionally intense but extremely good and positive. They’d be really close and trusting and more effectively communicative by then, and it would work great and Guts would bask in the attention as Griffith v thoroughly makes love to him.

Also when Griffith achieves his dream and runs Midland they would both be extremely into Guts getting a little possessive and staking his claim on him, like by fucking him hard enough that he can feel it throughout the next day, or scratches/bruises under clothes, etc. Nothing super kinky, I think they’re both pretty vanilla lol, but Guts would love knowing Griffith is being constantly reminded of him while he’s at meetings with nobles or w/e and Griffith would love that lingering reminder.

I think at some point early on they’d have to have a talk in which Guts asserts that he wants to stay with Griffith and the Hawks and doesn’t feel obligated because he lost a fight when they were 15. I could see that thought eating away at Griffith for a while if they don’t. Also because the question of whether they’re equals or not is kind of hammered in in canon I think they’d have to navigate around Griffith technically being Guts’ commander. I don’t think Guts would think twice about it (again assuming he hasn’t heard the Promrose Hall speech) but Griffith would worry, especially given exchanges like “that’s why I’m asking you to do this” “just order me to do it” lol. So they’d have to at least talk about that.

Or conversely they could not talk about Guts potentially feeling obligated and it could blow up in their faces and lead to miscommunication drama. I mean there are so many potential ways they could fuck things up by not talking and assuming the worst at the first sign of an issue lmao, it’s like, you want relationship drama just take your pick.

Also relatedly, I think this is a little bit of an unpopular opinion, at least judging by most of the griffguts fic I’ve read lol, but I really don’t see Griffith as likely to behave possessively at all, unless he thinks Guts is about to leave him and is like next to having a breakdown about it, and even then… idk. I think the second duel was extremely atypical - Griffith defaulted to trying to fight Guts for his loyalty because that’s how he won his loyalty the first time and it was the only way Griffith saw to keep his loyalty, he was extremely out of his depth emotionally lol, and I think there’s some big indications that he hated himself for it afterwards.

He wants Guts to want him, to choose to be with him of his own desire, he wants Guts to love him. I think he would abhor the thought that Guts was obligated to stay with him in any way, and any indications of that would freak him out and add to his self loathing. So he wouldn’t tell Guts “you’re mine” as part of sexy foreplay or whatever, and he wouldn’t order him to do shit lol (along with this like I don’t think Griff is dominant at all, and trying to be with someone he loves would fuck him up).

I think the biggest problem for both of them would be a tendency to assume the worst and just blame themselves for whatever instead of talking. But I also think the longer they’re in a relationship the better they’ll get at not doing that and at constructive positive communication lol.

Like at the end of the day again I think there’d be way more positives than negatives. We’re shown how perfectly they fulfill each others’ needs. Guts wants attention, Griffith wants acceptance, they both want to be loved, and before the misunderstandings get in the way and fuck it all up their relationship benefits both and starts helping both heal emotionally. If they stayed together and added romance and sex to the mix I think overall they’d be pretty ideal partners.

Ooookay I think I’ve talked more than enough about this lmao. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to just ramble for ages about a bunch of griffguts stuff. Honestly if anyone reads through this to the end I’ll be slightly surprised lol.

[ispywaldo]

For those of you who STILL think women be out here complaining about “all forms of intellectualism, opting instead for stupider men and not for men who care about the mind and the development of our thoughts and whateverthefuck” (TLDR: we ain’t)

Let me preface this by saying that both me and my current boyfriend go to one of the top universities in America, that we met each other through the honors program of our school, and are generally very smart people in the subjects we care about. We both care about learning. We both care about figuring stuff out we didn’t before, solving problems, and Doing Shit (tm) 

The characters: 

Me: A History Major

My Toxic Ex: A Math guy, did coding 

My Current Bf: A comp-sci/math double major

Me: (Jokingly) ALL FOOD IS CORN. ALL HAIL OUR CORN OVERLORD, OUR CORN KINNGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!

My Toxic Ex Bf (TEB): actually though, it’s not just corn. It’s various forms of corn. You can’t just say all corn because that isn’t really what it is. First of all, there are various different plant species of corn. Then there are also various different kinds of corn products like corn syrup and cornstarch aren’t the same thing (bla blah balaaadibaladkfl) 

My Current BF: ALL HAIL ALL HAIL ALL HAIL THE CORN KING!!!!!!!

Me: (says something dumb I think is correct about computers or coding or something) 

TEB: (gives me a face to signal that that’s not remotely correct, and how could i not understand something so basic, despite knowing me for two years and understanding that I basically havent touched a computer in my life) that’s not true at all. (Proceeds to over-explain a concept I neither know anything about or really particularly care about learning, often using large and “intellectual sounding” words to signal his Vast and Superior Knowledge (tm) on the subject) 

BF: (fully understanding that I understand no technology past 1960 cuz im an old school hoe) LOL. NO. LMAO. Oh bby. Oh bby i love you so much but noooooooo. no. (proceeds to give me a very simple and quick explanation, laughing with me, and not at me) 

Me: bby i miss youuuuuu (sweetly, jokingly) 

TEB: listen, every time you say i miss you it honestly feels like you’re asking too much of me. Like i cant always be there for you. I don’t understand how you could miss me you saw me yesterday. What more do you want me to do

BF: lol youre so funny you saw me yesterday. I love you too you dumb butt

Me: (at a taco store) what the fuck is baja fish? Is that like... a place fish come from... or a specific fish Type... or like... a way of cooking fish... or 

TEB: (doesn’t matter if he knows what the fuck it is or not, he will give me some explanation of whatever it is he THINKS it is at the very least) (fully aware I grew up in a bilingual household and occassionally don’t know basic shit) 

BF: huh i have n o c l u e. It’s good tho do you want some of mine cuz im gonna order it. 

Me: I want,,,,, game on computer,,, compoop is bad

TEB: (complex reasons I can’t play games on my current computer and what specs are wrong and what specs i would need and if i want to buy a new computer i should do x, y, z) 

BF: (fully understanding that I already fucking know that my laptop is shit because if you look at it it’s literally falling apart) lol if you really want to invest in a gaming laptop i can look at some with you 

Me: (says an opinion on something that I’ve thought a lot about and would like to rant to my love about) 

TEB: I agree, but (plays devil’s advocate. like he always does. for literally everything) 

BF: hmm yeah I think you’re right. 

Here’s the motherfucking thing y’all: my current boyfriend is really smart. He’s really, really smart. He’s deeply passionate about what he studies, he loves solving complex problems, he’s into the things he loves and I’m into him. 

I’m also very smart. Like really really smart. i’m deeply passionate about what i study and i love solving complex problems. I’m into things I love, and he loves me. 

My ex boyfriend, who, in case you were wondering, knew me for and dated me for much longer and should have known me better than my current boyfriend, was also very smart. very passionate. 

so what’s the difference? My current boyfriend and I know that the other person is smart. It doesn’t matter if either of us says or does soemthing stupid. It doesn’t matter how many times we ask a dumb question, an “obvious” question. If we don’t know something that seems like common sense to the other, it doesn’t fucking matter, because we each respect each other, know the other person is smart, and any lack of information the other person might have doesn’t fuck with that or make it any smaller. we are each intelligent in our own ways, know our own specific information, have lived our own specific lives, and that’s okay. 

My ex though? He didn’t feel smart unless he was proving it, and he had to prove it by being smarter than others. He was “smart” because he was smartER. No matter what I said, whether it was a joke, or obviously something I might not know given my context, he would immediately correct me, immediately fix my ‘mistake,’ immediately argue the counterpoint (whether he agreed or didnt). He couldnt take a joke bc he was too busy thinking of ways to try to seem smart. 

Both of these people were smart, and i’ll admit that, as much as I hate my ex boyfriend, but one of these people is confident in their own intelligence and doesn’t feel the need to drag others down whereas the other was obsessed with belittling others as proof of their magical brain and passion for academia. 

It’s a red flag ladies, if you didn’t already know it. These are the kinds of people that need to make you feel small in order to make themselves feel big, and that gets ugly really fast. For example, my ex boyfriend ended up sexually abusing me. So yeah, I don’t fuck around with this, and neither should you. 

Never be with anyone who makes you feel small and doesn’t let you be stupid sometimes. You should feel safe in saying dumb things. We’re human. You can’t be perfect all the time, and you shouldn’t be expected to be. 

[kyuu-rereads-umineko]

Ep6, Chapter 2 (Part 1)

I’ve got (some) momentum here, let’s not waste it!

Lambda, Bern, Erika, and Dlanor are hanging around in Beato’s smoking room, waiting for Battler to present his gameboard to them. Bern talks about crushing it, because of course she does.

“I kept making strange faces all the time last game thanks to you... Thought I might start getting wrinkles.” lmao

“Th-there’s no need to worry. The beauty of my master’s face is without peer, no matter how wrinkly it may get.” and bern looks pissed, lmfao

Dlanor expresses remorse over Beato’s death, Lambda basically says “that’s the way it goes,” and Bern looks smug as she comments that no one remembers who invented chess. that sums up their personalities pretty well tbh

“If Battler’s kept us waiting this long, he must be pretty confident in his plan.” See, this, coupled with Battler’s knowledge of the truth, is part of why I feel like he knows what he’s doing in this episode. Battler may be rash and impulsive, and he may be emotional and prone to losing his cool, but he’s not stupid. Hell, if the end of Ep5 is anything to go by, once his anger’s dissipated and he starts looking at Beato’s game with a critical lens (i.e. Knox’s decalogue), he’s able to figure things out pretty quickly. He might not have expected Erika to be crazy enough to fucking kill people to corner him (though I will say that yes, he should’ve expected it, because that girl’s got problems), but I don’t think he’s incapable of solving the logic error on his own. It’s really quite trivial when it comes down to it, especially compared to the narrative viewpoint fuckery going on in Ep5 itself.

Anyways. Gold butterflies, human shape, and... SURPRISE! Beato’s here!

(only not quite)

Bern muses that this Beato must be Battler’s piece, while Dlanor says that piece or not, she’s still Beato. dlanor why did you have to get teamed up with someone as awful as erika :(

“Father will be here very soon. I ask that you wait for just a short while longer...” urk

Lambda laughs, thinking it must be a scheme like the one she pulled back in Ep3, and Erika immediately goes for her by calling Battler “incompetent”. i mean it was declared in red like four episodes ago, so

“I’m sure Father understands it quite deeply. He really is good at that sort of thing.” Erika is... less than happy with her response, and states that Beato is “just one of Battler’s delusions, so I’ll erase every part of you and knock you down into the abyss of oblivion.” good sportsmanship

“I too cannot allow you such an easy victory. ...I, uh, look forward to having a good, clean fight.” lmfaoooo

At that, everyone clues in that this Beato isn’t just Battler’s piece or something like that. Lambda asks, “Just who... are you?”

funny how beato’s support in the first half of the series is asking the same question beato wanted battler to answer huh

Poor chick Beato, though. “Am I somehow different... from the Beatrice everyone was expecting? [...] I... I was only born recently, so I have no memories at all... H-however, I will study hard... in order to become the Beatrice you all expect...”

And in comes Father Battler, telling her off for leaving her room like a strict parent would. this is certainly awkward in hindsight

Chick Beato says that she only wanted to help, calling him “Father” again. Kinda like in Eps1-4, while I can deeply empathize with Battler here (the word “Father” would have some really disturbing connotations to Yasu herself), I still feel sorry for Beato. She can’t understand what it is she’s doing wrong, but he pushes her away anyways...

...And, understandably, tells her off for calling him Father. She lets out a sad “yes” and leaves.

“...This is a pretty weird plan.” lmao thanks bern

“Let’s start the 6th game. ...Erika, and you too, Bernkastel. This will be my tale, proof that I’ve reached the truth about Beatrice. Lambdadelta, please oversee this game, as a former Game Master.”

Battler announces the title of the episode - Dawn of the Golden Witch. Given that Episode 3 was originally called Land, it can’t have been intentional on Ryukishi’s part the whole time, but I do wonder if the B A T T L E R ‘ D thing was completely unintentional or not...

Even the narrative points out that Battler’s a lot more subdued than usual, and we jump back to Ange and Featherine.

“Ange. Beato seems very different from the way she was before.” YOU DON’T SAY

Ange comments that she’s surprised Beato’s even alive, given that she died at the end of Ep5 before Battler reached the truth. Yeah...

“There are two kinds of death in this world. One of them is when a piece is taken from the gameboard. This is only a death within the bounds of the game, and these lives can revive over and over again each time you start a new game.”

After a bit of talk about pieces and vessels (using Sakutarou as an example), Ange asks what the second kind of death is. “That’s the death of beings outside the gameboard. To continue with the Sakutarou example, this would be like Maria’s death. [...] It doesn’t have to be her death. Loss of interest or concern would have the same effect... When Maria grows up from playing with stuffed animals, then ‘Maria the game player’ will die.”

“I see... In that case, ‘Beato the player’ completely gave up on winning during the last game... so she died and vanished. If so, and if Beato thinks she has a chance of defeating Onii-chan again, she’ll come back to life, right...?”

Featherine basically says that the concept of time is the problem, and Ange catches on quickly, using skipping school as a metaphor. “Skipping school for one day might not be a problem, but if you skip for three days in a row, it’d be really hard to convince yourself to go back.” Featherine asks how it’d be if that period of time stretched on for a thousand years, as it does in the world of witches.

“You would never again... be able to regain the self that you once were. It would never revive.”

“Beato lost any chance or hope of winning... Even though she knew this, she pretended not to, and kept on fighting for many, many games. So, Beato will not return. Her hopes were crushed. She’s spent all of the willpower that she might have used to regain the will to fight. Therefore... that Beatrice will never revive again.” Ange realizes that the Beato who was hanging around with empty eyes throughout Ep5 was her “corpse”, but eventually even that was erased.

The Yasu parallel here is pretty obvious, but at the same time, the differences are kinda interesting - namely, Yasu’s “thousand years.” Not the fact that they were stretched over six years, but the fact that there are numerous moments that could be argued to have “killed” her - Battler not coming back after the first year, Battler forgetting to write her a letter, her developing feelings for George and moving on, starting to realize there was something wrong with her body, solving the epitaph and having her entire sense of self ripped away from her, and of course hearing about Battler’s return in 1986.

I suppose you could argue that Beato getting her hopes crushed so many times over - particularly when Battler got stuck at the end of Ep3 and when he responded cluelessly to her big question in Ep4 - are the Meta-World’s “equivalent” moments, and that’s probably what Ryukishi was aiming at, but... Hmm. 

At any rate, Ange realizes that that’s why Lambda shackled Beato to the game towards the end of Ep4 - if Beato had died at that point, the gameboard itself would’ve disappeared. Once Beato’s will to fight was gone completely (Ep5), Lambda usurped her position as Game Master, and “Beato’s existence” stopped being a necessary condition for the gameboard’s existence.

“So... when Onii-chan managed to reach the truth... it was one game too late for him to tell Beato about it.” And in many ways, that sentence right there is the tragedy of not just the Meta-World, but Rokkenjima itself. Not one person even got close to figuring out the truth of Yasu’s heart before it was too late, and as a result, almost everyone died.

“The 5th game was a form of charity on Lambdadelta’s part... She merely showed Battler some mercy as the Witch of Certainty, acknowledging his strong desire to reach the truth no matter what...”

Ange disagrees pretty strongly, but gets back to the point. “...This weird Beato isn’t the player Beato. She’s just a piece Beato.” Featherine points out that if that’s the case, she should be the same trollish, cackling Beatrice we all know and love. Ange gets her point immediately - Battler doesn’t want an imitation of Beato that just does whatever he expects her to, so this Beato isn’t just a piece.

“Battler... might be trying to revive Beato in the truest sense. It is the never-dying dream held by children of man.”

Ange immediately takes issue with that, since Featherine herself denied the possibility in red, and she basically replies that there’s a difference between “Beato’s revival” and “Beato’s rebirth”. “Have you forgotten? I believe that Bernkastel herself revealed Beato’s true form at the end of the 1st game...”

“Now I remember... She said something about how Beato exists as the incarnation of the rules.” “Information began to be accumulated based around that rule, and in the end, it took the form of the witch known as Beatrice. If that pattern is followed once more, the same Beatrice will be born again, and perhaps one could call that a resurrection...”

“And that means... this pure and lovable kid will eventually grow up into that screwed up, crazy witch...”

Featherine muses that having Ange read to her is “far from boring,” and Ange quips that she seems to know all the answers already, and they trade a few more barbs. trolls trolling trolls trolling trolls etc. etc.

“Anyway. From what we learned in the 4th game... there’s no doubt that there’s some kind of antagonism between Beato and Onii-chan in the past. Learning about this Beato might give us a key towards finding the truth.” Featherine expresses interest in reading about chick!Beato’s story, and we jump to Battler in... uh, the meta version of Kinzo’s study, I guess? i dont even know okay. At any rate, more Battler/Kinzo parallels.

He finishes up creating the 6th game, and says to Genji (who’s there for whatever reason, probably because parallels), “I always thought being a Game Master meant you could make the tale however you want... but this is seriously harder than I thought it’d be.”

“You must write up multiple tales and make the inner and outer sides of the story match.” I really like this line. It’s a pretty good way to describe how the two sides of the story mesh together to create the “third” side - the fantasy tale and the mystery tale together make up the heart of the story. You can’t have one without the other, and you can’t reach the truth without both.

We get a bit of exposition on logic errors (i.e. don’t make them battler you fucking moron), and then Genji says that chick Beato - who Battler confirms is a personification of the rules - has awoken.

The way Battler lights up and starts smiling immediately once he hears that Beato’s awake... it’s heartwarming, but really sad at the same time, knowing how mistaken he is about what “Beato is awake” means...

“There was no trace in his expression of the hatred he had once felt towards Beato for murdering his family...” lmao

Ange and Featherine interrupt, with Ange saying, “In a way, that was the final riddle of the 5th game,” which, indeed, it is. “When Battler reached the truth, there was a great change in his impression of Beato.”

Ange wonders if that means that there really was something between the two of them six years ago, then recalls that that was denied in red back in Ep4. “We can read this as saying that Beato did not exist six years ago, or it could simply mean that she had no connection to Battler at that time. However, either way, Battler did not visit Rokkenjima at all for the next six years...”

Ooh. I’d forgotten that Featherine proposes that “Battler’s sin” was what led to Beato’s “creation.” “Almost as though... Beatrice was Battler’s piece.”

“Battler sinned six years ago. Because of that sin, people died. The killer was Beatrice... If you consider the possibility that everything is connected to Battler’s sin six years ago, then the one who created Beatrice was Battler himself.”

Ange expresses confusion, seeing as the culprit’s response to Battler’s “sin” (whatever it was) was a serial murder. Featherine replies, “The weight of a sin depends on the person measuring it,” but also goes on to say that even she thinks that’s “a bit excessive” as far as responses go. you don’t say

In hindsight, I don’t think it’s inaccurate to say that Battler’s sin was “the first straw,” if you will. Battler and his dumb pony promise and return six years later influenced the form of the tragedy, but not whether or not it would happen. I’m tired, I hope this is making sense.

Anyways, Ange wonders if Battler’s sin is hidden in the story up to this point. Featherine says she has a theory about it, then laughs and refuses to tell her. these two get along well don’t they

(Though yes, Ange, Battler’s sin is explicitly mentioned, so go looking for it!)

“Just what kind of connection do Onii-chan and Beatrice have with each other? Understanding that... will probably give me a massive clue towards finding the truth of this world.”