#I haven't finished this one mostly because I can't decide if I should put in the jinx fucking or not lol

[katrinawritesthings]

Drugs with the dots over the u??? I read that like the vine of the owl offering those white people drugs

Buddy that's the way I've been pronouncing it the whole time too

But that one is. I guess technically a fic of a fic that I read once like over a decade ago that was really angsty and because I am the way I am I was like what if they worked on their problems and fixed their shit. But now I can't even find the fic anymore to reread it which I'm bummed about and also enough is changed that it's not even really the same au anymore lol but anygay

tw for self-harm and addiction and abuse talk

I just think. What if jongtae but like kind of genuinely awful for each other but also unhealthily co-dependent on and devoted to and in love with each other :3c the inherent Romance of getting better for someone else. the inherent Romance of wanting someone else to get better for themself. The inherent Romance of both of those together. The fun and drama of both of you kicking and screaming the entire way

And also the fun and drama of addiction problems and anger problems and manipulation problems and Jonghyun struggling so hard because he externalizes so he has to keep himself on such a short leash and doesn't trust himself for like anything and he's treating Taemin like he's made out of glass

and Taemin struggling so hard because he internalizes and now he can't manipulate Jonghyun into externalizing on him anymore so when he winds up hurting himself he has no one to shift the blame onto except himself and also he can't even admit yet that maybe he had a drug problem in the first place

But they love each other and they're helping each other and they're learning how to have adult constructive conversations about their feelings and doing their damnedest to at least be good to each other because they know the other deserves it and they're trying so hard to believe that they themselves deserve it too

he's smiling. Jonghyun was half up, pushing off of the cold tile floor so fast it made him dizzy, rage pounding behind his eyes, caught in his throat, buzzing under his skin, until he caught sight of Taemin’s face. of his smile. little, mischievous, smug, almost hopeful. the light switches back off. he breathes hard through his nose, glaring at Taemin, and shakes his head. calm, he tells himself, calm.  "that almost got me," he says. and somehow, he chuckles. somehow in the span of a few seconds he goes from blinding rage to unsurprised amusement. he lies back down, throwing his arm over his eyes. "that almost fucking got me," he repeats. "try talking shit like that again and see what it gets you." it's a threat, but not one that he means seriously and not one that Taemin takes seriously if his little snort means anything. "yeah right,” he mutters. “it won't work now because now you'll be looking out for it." he blows an exasperated raspberry, his hands slapping onto the floor. "what's the point of being self-aware enough to sabotage our healing if you're self-aware enough to realize i'm doing it?" he demands. "fucked up. and i don't even want to fucking try it again. i feel bad about it. i never used to feel bad about it. god, you've made me soft too, haven't you? you're so difficult. it was so much easier when we were both assholes." Jonghyun doesn't need to see him to imagine his little pout. it's a new thing that Taemin has been doing these past couple of months; now that there's less things to be genuinely angry about and Jonghyun is getting better at figuring out when he's just making shit up to cause problems, he settles a lot for disgruntled and pouty. "you're cute when you're grumpy," Jonghyun says.  which, of course, makes Taemin even grumpier. he presses his legs down, squishing Jonghyun to the floor with the lightest pressure, and grumbles, "you're cute when you're." he hesitates, mumbles nonsense words under his breath as he tries to search for something to say, and concludes with just, "here.” and, well. if that's not a good enough reason to stick around, then Jonghyun doesn't know what is. a lot of things suck, but at least his boyfriend has a crush on him.

[buckgasms]

Ok let's get some of these trailer park Bucky ideas out shall we?

- This is what I need in my life ☝🏼

- Maybe you live opposite each other and one of you is the new neighbour?

- You could be the newbie maybe and you find he's very helpful when moving boxes.

- You both flirt a little but nothing serious, just a smirk or a touch here and there.

- But alas, nothing happens beyond that, and you settle in to your new home.

☀️

- Ah but perhaps you start noticing that Bucky has a lot of female visitors throughout the week.

- You mostly only see them leaving his place, but occasionally you get a bit more than that.

- From across the way, in the late hours you hear them whimpering and whining as his trailer creaks. You might hear a hand meet ass cheek or a shrill giggle.

- It's a little annoying no infuriating

- But sometimes, if you listen really closely which you'd never admit to you hear him.

- His grunts.

- His groans.

- "That's it. Take it."

- It's the sweetest form of torture and you try to resist but sometimes it just drives you to the edge and you desperately need release, imagining his hot, sweaty body working on you.

☀️

- Perhaps one morning you are sitting out front, reading a book and he appears, waving off another woman who looks satisfied and somewhat disappointed to be sent on her way.

- You smile and try to go back to your book, but he's intrigued. And a tease.

- "Morning sugar."

- "Good mornin Bucky" you reply turning a page you haven't read a word of in your book.

- He pulls up a chair and settles next to you.

- "Wow. Our bedroom windows are pretty close to each other huh?" He remarks, a smile tugging at his lips as you clear your throat.

- "I never noticed" you say, voice clearly strained.

- He stands to leave but first leans down, right by your ear.

- "But I have sweetheart."

☀️

- You spend the rest of the day totally paranoid.

- Had he heard you? Has he seen you?

- You don't hate the idea of him wanting you, but you don't want to be a notch on his belt.

- If he's going to tease, why don't you tease right back?

☀️

- Ice lollies are your weapon of choice.

- You sit in your chair, book open, skirt short, top skimpy and a ice lolly popping lewdly from your mouth.

- He looks like he's leaving but when he catches sight of you he seems to change his mind.

- Instead he sets himself up with a beer and a pack of cigarettes and enjoys the show you e decided to put on.

- Naturally, your plan immediately backfires because damn he looks so hot.

- It's Bucky....

- He distracts you by offering a beer, which you accept once your lolly is finished.

- He distracts you by asking about your book.

- He distracts you by talking about where you are from.

- Before you know it, he's back next to you, you are feeling warm from the beer and you can't help but notice how blue his eyes are.

- But wait I am getting ahead of myself.

- Because maybe????

- One night after the "sweetheart" incident you see Bucky come home, head into his trailer and open his bedroom window wide.

- You crawl into bed and slowly push your window open, enjoying the cool air streaming into the room.

- "Can you hear me sweet girl?"

- You freeze, sweat springs up on your brow despite the cool air.

- "I know you can baby. God, you should see what you do to me. Fuck."

- Your heart is thumping in your chest. Oh god, he's going to give you a heart attack.

- "You're gonna touch yourself baby girl? Gonna think about what I might do to ya huh?"

- Despite yourself, you find yourself thinking all those things, doing all the things he says as the night goes on.

- It ends with your sweet voice calling out his name in the dark and a deep chuckle from his bedroom window.

☀️

- So...

- with all this in mind....

- After all this teasing and flirting he leans in a presses a soft kiss to your lips.

- "I wanna hear you moan for me baby. Properly this time..."

- He pinches your chin between his fingers and deepens the kiss and you instinctively wrap your arms around him.

- He breaks the kiss with a chuckle.

- "Come on sweetheart, let me give you the tour."

- The tour takes moments because you want to kiss him. He presses your body up against a wall, you can barely breathe as he dominates your mouth, hands squeezing at your waist.

- Finally you land on the bed, and he growls as your skirt flips up and reveals your skimpy underwear.

- "Such a little tease huh?"

- You watch as he unbuckles his belt, you admire his rings but swiftly get distracted by his thick cock springing towards you.

- He strokes himself but you take over, shimmying forward so you can get nice and close.

- "Oh I see baby girl, not so innocent are we?"

- His grin turns to a growl as your lips wrap around his length, fingers wrapping around what you can't swallow.

- Your chokes fill the room, as he sinks further down your throat, his hand lacing through your hair holding you in place.

- Finally he pulls you off him, smears your spit over your face before pushing you back down onto the bed.

- He rips your underwear and leans over, pushing the fabric into your mouth.

- "You just hold onto those for me sweetheart" he chuckles as he moves your legs, gripping your ankles, pressing a kiss to them as he lines himself up.

- His fat cock slaps against your aching heat. You groan around your underwear, as he rubs against you until suddenly he slides in, filling you, stretching you until your eyes roll.

- "Sweet jesus baby girl. Knew you'd be perfect for me. So tight. Takin me so well baby..."

- He presses your legs back, so he can bring himself closer to you. He pulls the gag from your mouth and presses a kiss to your lips. You try your best to return but you've lost control of pretty much everything.

- All you can feel is his cock stretching you and hitting that point inside that has been neglected for so long.

- "Wanna hear those pretty moans angel. Want everyone to hear you, let them know what a pretty little slut you are. How desperate you are for me, for this."

- He defines the word with a smooth thrust of his hips that draws a long groan from your lips.

- "Thatta girl, just what I wanted."

☀️

- It's hours of endless pleasure.

- He explores your body, working out every pleasure point, finding your secret kinks that you swore no one would ever know.

- His fingers flex in your pussy as he fucks your ass, watching as he spits on your heat. It sends you crashing over the edge again as he rubs it over your heat, a scream leaving you as tears track down your cheeks.

- "Bucky.... I can't... So sensitive" you wail as he slowly continues fucking your ass, a thumb lazily rubbing your swollen clit.

- "Not my fault angel, you can't stop coming for me can ya?"

- He still sounds remarkably put together, but he isn't. He's just as gone as you are, mesmerized by what you can do, what he can pull out of you.

- Laying out before him, you are divine.

- Your legs tremble as another wave of pleasure rips through you and it drags him with you.

- Your walls pulse and squeeze as you emit a long weak cry. It mixes with his groan, a loud curse slips from his lips as he fills you up, again.

- Finally he crashes down, dragging you in close as exhaustion takes over your body.

Like sign me up.

God I want a trailer park Bucky 🥺

[uva124]

So yeah, I finished the drawing of Asha's redesign from Wish :D, maybe I'll make some changes in the future, but I'm happy to have finished it, it should be noted that I haven't seen the movie. , so I can't give my opinion on it yet, but I found it very interesting that their fandom is mainly made up of people who rewrote or made their own version of the movie, they are all very creative and it got me out of an artistic block. that I had a few months ago, but above all I found the rewriting of @annymation which is the one I have been most hooked on, so I wanted to do some redesigns of the characters coming out of its rewriting, that's why everything that has to do with the story of this version of Asha, as well as her personality and her world on which I base my drawing are the ideas and work of this account: @annymation

I'm just making a drawing of her character and how I would design her as well as sharing part of the process I had to do to draw her because, why not?

BOARD:

The first thing I had to do was put together a table full of references that reminded me of the character and things that I would like to add to her design, so I used milanote to do it:

-Looked for some Asha's concept art and save the ones I liked the most, and add the main colors that I used in the design. -I also created notes to write down the personality of the character and some of his data to have a better guide, I did a little research and found publications that talked a lot about Asha's discarded designs and how Disney workers had put that she had tribe ancestry Amazigh on his mother's side and since his father was from the Iberian Peninsula, that's why the next thing I wanted to do is research more about their culture. -I am not an expert on this topic, nor do I belong to the cultures from which Asha has ancestry, so you can comment on any correction regarding this topic, I wanted to implement details of this culture to her design and I would really like to give a correct representation :)

HAIRSTYLE

Continuing with the theme, I saw that the hairstyles in the Amazigh culture mostly had this type of colorful decorations on their braids and dreadlocks, that's why I also posted these reference photos for Asha's hairstyle.

-Finally I decided that Asha would not have all her hair full of braids or dreadlocks, but only a few accompanied by these decorations with a great variation of colors, although it was fun to sketch the many hairstyle options that I had in mind based on these concept art and other photos that I had saved

TATTOOS:

-Another detail that I liked was giving Asha some tattoos with designs from the Amazigh culture, because I saw that it was quite common for women to get them, the tattoo on her forehead is a symbol of protection against bad influences, that's why the The middle symbol is responsible for deflecting it in the 4 directions, I also added a similar one in Asha's right hand.

ASTROLOGY AND THE SPACE:

-An important part of Asha's rewrite is her knowledge of astronomy inherited from her father, especially with the stars for obvious reasons xd, so in addition to adding constellations to her dresses, research the meaning (or something like that) of the planets. Only 3 really reminded me of the character, which were: -Mars: Symbolization of the internal conquering function of moving forward, independent, self-determined, enduring failures with new energy, courage and energy to fight for your desires. -Saturn: Maturity, effort to solidly build realistic criteria, frustrations are transformed into objectives to continue growing, critical and realistic, far from getting frustrated when an objective does not work, you strive to move forward and obtain even more resistant and solid achievements, perseverance , and tenacity (I feel like yhis it the most similar to Asha :D) -Moon: protective role, feeling very vulnerable outside your known areas, feeling of security with your ties, importance of family ties. The one that reminded me the most of Asha was Saturn, that's why I drew those Saturn-shaped earrings :).

SUITS:

I looked for references and placed some on milanote, I noticed that the concept art was mainly divided into whether the dresses have lilac colors or warm colors, I decided to draw 2 models based on the discarded designs, although at first I thought of using only one color palette lilac and bluish, I realized that the reddish colors of her dress reminded me of Mars which has certain meanings that in my opinion coincide with Asha's personality. In the end I didn't decide what wardrobe she would primarily have 😅, but I like to think that in this version of Wish, Asha would have wardrobe and hairstyle changes like in some older Disney movies.

-These are some of the concepts that I mainly used for my version of the dresses

FINAL COMMENTS:

I am satisfied with the result, it was fun to make all this, although what I researched mostly seems little, it actually cost me several hours and I did it at night, so as a funny fact the next day I was explaining all this information to my mother and I felt like I looked like that:

(Make this drawing was so funny LMAO)

(Apologies if there are errors in my writing, English is not my first language and my writing is very basic)

[utilitycaster]

This question is entirely in good faith: I’m currently watching campaign 2 for the first time, and you’ve said multiple times that you are a mighty nein girlie above all else. I am enjoying it, I think it’s fun and characters are great. But I find myself preferring campaign 1 more. I know this is a minority opinion as everyone loves campaign 2, but I just can’t really find myself embracing it the same way. What is it that draws you about the MN?

So I do want to preface this with the statement that I think it’s extremely valid to prefer Campaign 1 to Campaign 2. Plenty of people whom I respect do! The Mighty Nein happen to appeal to a lot of my sensibilities specifically but I don’t expect it to appeal to everyone else in the same way.

I also want to note that while it's true Campaign 2 is the fan favorite, firstly, the correct response if you prefer something that isn't the fan favorite is to commend yourself on rarified taste, and secondly, statistics are a funny thing. It's worth remembering that what you see as the Critical Role Active Fandom mostly doesn't include people who dearly loved Campaign 1, didn't like Campaign 2, and drifted away entirely in 2018; whereas people who loved C2 and didn't click with C3 are a little more likely to be around just because it's been less time and because there's more non-main-campaign stuff to hang around for (ie, people who haven't kept up with C3 might still have watched EXU Calamity or Downfall, or might be interested in Midst or Candela stuff, or are hanging out for TLOVM/Nein Animated reasons). You are not seeing Every Person Who Ever Liked Critical Role; you're seeing this segment in time.

ANYWAY. Getting to the actual point, I think Campaign 2 is my favorite because I think I take a fairly holistic view of fiction. I have my favorite characters and ships and themes and all that, but it is difficult for me to enjoy something if I don't enjoy a significant portion of it. I can't just watch for one blorbo, because the character should feel deeply rooted in a world, and have a plot that engages with who they are. This is what drew me to D&D and actual play in the first place!

Campaign 2 is the CR campaign that, in my opinion, achieves this to the highest degree. Hilariously, if you see the campaigns as a trilogy, while usually the middle of a trilogy gets slammed for being all moving pieces and no resolution, that actually works out great for a D&D game. Campaign 1 had the responsibility of introducing an entire world that was being built as the game went on (and introducing the players to TTRPGs); Campaign 3 is the realization of all that plot set up. Campaign 2 gets to explore, build out the world, and delve into characters who are inextricable from their setting, and that's what I love.

I started with Campaign 2, but decided to start catching up on Campaign 1 concurrently as I watched C2 week to week, and I started this quite early and finished C1 in about 4-5 months, and I happen to remember that I watched C2 episode 12 and an early Briarwoods Arc C1 episode back to back, and at the time, I preferred Campaign 1. Campaign 1 has its rocky starts, but the cast had already found their characters (even if the mechanics were being ironed out still) and there were very clear tasks. Early Campaign 2, while I still enjoy it, has a lot of milling about and aimless fucking around, and, understandably, the cast is still figuring a lot out. If you put, say, the Nein in Alfield next to Vox Machina at the Briarwoods Banquet? Yeah, one of these is stronger.

The thing is, that aimless fucking around led to character moments, which is the absolute heart of why the Nein are my favorites, and why I think many others love them as well. Without a clear mission or benefactor, this party had to figure out an identity and what they wanted to do, and in doing so, we got incredible moments between pretty much every party member. Vox Machina has no shortage of incredible conversations, but, for example, Keyleth and Scanlan just straight up don't interact one-on-one very much. You can't point to something like that in the Nein. I also think the fact that none of the characters knew each other terribly well helped with this. I've brought that up to contrast with the bonds in Campaign 3; it's not a bad thing to have a person your character comes in with and knows well, but much as I adore a twins conversation, the reason those conversations are so good are because Vex and Vax both spend a lot of time with other people as well. With the Mighty Nein, everyone has to do that because really, with Yasha gone half the time and then with Molly's death early on, we've got Fjord and Jester (have known each other like a month longer than anyone else) and Caleb and Nott (six-ish months and they're both hiding a lot.)

I really do get if people prefer that Vox Machina has two clear missions (with plenty of fuck around time built in) to start, the show-stopping Briarwoods arc next, and then the Chroma Conclave, especially watching after the fact - I am not sure how C2 is if you binge it vs. watch week to week, and it may suffer from a binge watch whereas C1 honestly might benefit. But the payoff is so great; you do not get the interpersonal relationships the Nein eventually have with each other without that early need for them to set their own direction.

Moving on from there, I love the setting of Wildemount and how much slow travel there is (which, to be fair, Vox Machina didn't have because that was all pre-stream; the Nein started teleporting at level 9 and Campaign 1 starts with the party at level 8). I love, as I mentioned, how tied to the continent everyone is and how relevant that is to most of their stories. I do think Molly's abrupt and unfair death early in the story is a crucial part of who the Nein are, and serves as a defining moment that is impossible to replicate but is very meaningful to me.

Also, and this is getting into some very idiosyncratic stuff: I love wizards and clerics and paladins and we get all those. I like gruff or overly formal characters with tragic backstories and good hearts and that's most of the party (unsurprisingly, Vex and Percy, in that order, are my favorite VM members). As someone who is constantly fighting the "Dump WIS not INT" fight, the fact that the Mighty Nein is fairly smart and has multiple characters specifically interested in history and politics and lore is right up my alley (the twins and Percy and Scanlan in C1 serve a similar purpose, and the fact that C3 doesn't have anyone really like this...shows).

I also like that the Mighty Nein are never famous, and I think some people don't like that. For all they are heroes of the Dynasty and end up with connections in the Empire, they aren't council members or tied to anyone specific, and this floating mercenary nature means they are setting their own pace. The only part where I think things get frustrating after some of the rockier early days is when they're hunting down Obann, and that's only a few episodes. While Molly's death is a defining moment, what is honestly a more defining moment is a few episodes earlier, when they decide against the multiple institutionally-backed job offers and decide to take a couple of jobs that will get them out of the city. I think it was jarring for people used to Vox Machina, with their duties to the council of Tal'Dorei, who dedicated a third of their campaign to saving the continent from dragons; but the Mighty Nein's greatest duty is always to each other and to becoming better people. The focus is always on them. Yes there are fetch quests, yes there are NPCs who give them some unavoidable tasks, and yes people use the term "player agency" in weird ways all the time; but the Mighty Nein are, I think, the zenith of what a player agency driven campaign can be. The story is, above all else, theirs and theirs alone.

I don't know if there will be a Campaign 4 - I'm a bit more sanguine about the prospect than I was earlier in C3 - but for what it's worth I don't think Campaign 2 is irreplicable. Or rather, it can't be replicated, obviously, but I think they could do another campaign that is deeply tied to its setting and lets the party choose their own adventure in the same way. It just takes a little more prep up front, and a little more flexibility once it actually starts. If there is a campaign 4, I really hope they do it in that same style.

[ivygrowsc]

America Ferrera's breakthrough career

I just want to point out that this woman has delivered 2 cinematic, historical, browsing, impeccable speeches about the frustrations I feel about being a woman. And that actress of course is the one and only America Ferrera herself. Let's talk about her debut role in the movie — Real Women Have Curves. The 2002 independent film based on the play by Josefina Lopez is one of my all-time favourite movies I have watched in my lifetime. And if you somehow know this movie through another suspicious Greta Gerwig connection, I implore you to watch this. The movie was directed by Patricia Cardoso. At the time when it was released, America Ferrera had already filmed another movie but this movie debuted first putting her on the map. She was only 17 years old! Josefina López wrote the play when she was 18 years old. In 2019 it was the first Latina directed film to be included in the National Film Registry at the library of Congress. Taking inspiration from her real life, Josefina wrote Real Women Have Curves about Ana, mostly centered on her relationship with her mother Carmen, played by Lupe Ontiveros. This movie is touted, not only for its representation of women in their real bodies, it also delivered a warm and loving portrayal of Latina families and neighborhoods in Royal Heights and East Los Angeles. Again this isn't a time where Latinas, even today, are represented in a full and nuancent light. So to not only have this Latina family but to have them placed in East Los Angeles which has been criminally and stereotypically portrayed as "dangerous", really meant something and still means something today. And the message of that film being "there's so much more to me than my weight". I think this might serve as a comfort watch for many women around the world.

I don't understand how we were made to believe as children, that America Ferrera was the biggest woman to ever grace our tv screen. The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants is what I call perfection in cinema. If I ever will have a daughter in the future, she is required to watch this movie. Because every little girl needs to understand what sisterhood and what community is. I feel like girls today are not watching sisterhood displayed on television, or even in movies. It's always these toxic relationship, these toxic friendship — not to say that neither of those can't be toxic and bad, because even within this friend group they all have their own issues with each other, with their families etc. But it's not about the problems, it's how they solve them, how they come together. And I feel like this message should be displayed for the young girls today. And I just love how diverse the friend group is, because nowadays it seems like every teenager I see on tv are like the same skinny, white blondes. If you haven't seen this movie make sure to have a box of tissues nearby because it's going to make you cry.

The dark side of pretty privilige is, you don't get to be funny, intelligent, respected — you just get to be pretty. So I've just finished watching Ugly Betty, I fully recommend, and I realised the only female character who's actually respected within this show, is Betty. If you don't already know the concept, Betty gets hired to be the assistant to the chief. Because he sleeps with his assistants, they decide to get him an "ugly" girl so he won't sleep with her. But she's hired for Mode, which is kind of like Vogue/Cosmo type of magazine. So naturally she gets bullied. They treat her like crap because she doesn't look like the ideal Mode girl. But the crazy thing is, since none of the men want to sleep with her, they actually respect her. They start to treat her like a human being with ideas. Then she becomes one of the most liked people by anyone in their team. On top of that, all of these gorgeous women get treated like absolute crap. No one listens to them, their ideas are not heard, and they're not respected. So it leaves a very clear message: wether you are gorgeous or "ugly", misogyny will still hunt you down and it will catch you. For Betty, men don't look twice her way. They treat her bad from the moment they see her. Just because they don't want to sleep with her, they don't find her attractive. For the beautiful women in the show, like Amanda who is painted as the gorgeous blonde, men only want to sleep with her, and they don't see that she's smart. Go back to watch the show and you'll see how horribly the other women get treated compared to Betty (and they have some good cameos in this show).

As we are reaching the end, we can claim America Ferrera as "that girl". The term is, in my opinion, used for anyone who dresses like a fashionista and acts like the queen they are. But it's much more than that. I think, to achieve that title you have to be also impactful and encourage other women to be what they want to be. America really proved it by playing the Emmy Award winning role of Gloria in Barbie, directed by Greta Gerwig. I think every cis, heterosexual white male should be forced to sit down and watch this movie. The message behind the Barbie movie is about going from being a girl to being a woman. Barbieland is what our childhood felt like; we were safe, naive, independent and everything seemed perfect. The real world is what womanhood actually is. It's scary, sexist, there's pain and we're faced with so many challenges, while still being held to unrealistic expectations by society. "We mothers stand still, so our daughters can look back to see how far they've become". America Ferrera's speech about how hard it is to be a woman, really affected me and made me tear up in the theather. "It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood." America Ferrera the woman you are, thank you so much for helping me and other women to believe in theirselves. Happy international women's day! <3

[foralternateuniverses]

Vinsmoke 1/2 au

All the vinsibs share Ranma's role, since Judge kept promising his child's hand in marriage but no one knew that he had more than one nor did he ever specify

Sanji is the only one with the curse to turn into a girl (he goes by Candy)

Yonji gets to be P-chan (same name)

Niji turns into a hedgehog (they call him Speedy)

Cat Ichiji (they call him  Nyasha)

And Reiju gets the inverse of Sanji (she gets to turn into a man and goes by Romeo) 

Garp offered the hand of his eldest grandkid (he only had Ace & Luffy at the time) so when Judge drags his kids to Dadan's house Sabo said he was the eldest at the same time as Ace (his big plan to create confusion and put the arrangement in a standstill while he came up with another plan to stop it altogether) and Luffy -laughing- said that they were twins

Judge is like “well, I have kids to spare so they can both choose one if they don't want to share" but Dadan completely opposes this idea since Garp only promised 1 grandchild (and Garp isn't there to say shit atm)

So the Vinsmoke settle with Dadan while the circus show begins and takes place

Some of the other fiances the VINSIBS have thanks to Judge:

Pudding

Viola (her dad accepted while drunk and only Judge takes it seriously)

Ratchet

Uta

Page 1 (Ulti is hunting down Niji)

Deuce (ran away from home to avoid the arrangement and is living in Raftell -where ASL live-)

I also haven't decided if it should be Ace or Sabo who gets to fight everyone every morning (maybe both for different reasons? Or maybe the same?)

The reason Ace and Sabo fight about half the student population every morning when they arrive at school is that they won't let people ask Luffy out if they can't defeat them Not that it matters cuz Luffy is only interested in Law (an upper classmate and also one of the Vinsmoke 's many fiances, thanks to Mingo)

btw

ASL (and mostly Ace) has a lot of oversized clothes cuz he inherited\took Dadan's old ones 

A lil angst idea

Ichiji is the most obedient of the siblings This detail is going to haunt Ace as he falls in love with Ichiji He makes moves on Ichiji in moments of passion/impulse just to regret and feel guilty about it later because he's sure that Ichiji is only reciprocating because of Judge's orders regarding the arrangement ordeal

Like, he legit fears Ichiji would sleep with him even if didn't actually want to if his father told him (directly or indirectly)

WIP:

I think I'm in love

Ace panted through his smile, just like Ichiji did, almost laughing, sweaty and radiant under the sunlight.

Ichiji, standing right in front of him, regained his breath and smiled Ace's way, a truly rare and treasured occurrence.

Ace's body moved on its own, following a long-ignored desire, and the blood in his veins ran a scalding heat under his skin as his hand reached for Ichiji's cheek, caressing it with the pad of his thumb and feeling the dyed strands of red hair between his fingers.

He dragged Ichiji at the same time as he leaned in, pressing their lips against each other. Ichiji froze for a single second, unsure of how to react, but he didn't take long to reciprocate, pushing back and tilting his head for a better angle.

A second hand joined the first and Ace found himself holding onto Ichiji's head as he leaned more and more into Ichiji's space. Ichiji's hands reached Ace, holding onto the loose shirt hanging from his torso.

They kissed again and again and again.

Holding onto each other, standing in the middle of the empty back street.

Ace licked Ichiji's lip and the redhead parted them obediently, awaiting.

But the honey drowning Ace's brain finished leaking out and he stopped suddenly terrified.

"Fuck" he whispered.

Ichiji made a small questioning noise that just awoke Ace from his daze even more. Suddenly realising what he did, what they had been doing, he let go of Ichiji and took a big step back.

Ichiji didn't cling.

"I'm sorry, fuck, Ichiji I'm so so sorry" Ichiji opened his mouth to say something, but Ace turned in his place and ran.

Ichiji just stands there, a little heartbroken, even as the rain starts pouring and he turns small and fluffy

Ace goes home and has and almost has an anxious/panic attack over the whole ordeal He tries to go on as if nothing happened But Ichiji doesn't return that night

[lily-alphonse]

hihi!! i read ur sandy fic literally today and i couldn't get it out of my head im so obsessed😭it hurts SO good i just finished rereading it again, and I was wondering, since Steve refuses to talk about his previous experience at the End, what actually happened there? :0 (sorry if this is smth that's easy to piece together I'm not very bright sometimes T-T) Also, did you have any ideas on stuff that happened in other cycles that you didn't end up including? Hehe, personally my headcanon is that for their first hug in a future reunion, Steve would try to hug Sandy for as long as he can before Sandy learns that it hurts him, so that he can get his proper hug dosage in. Sandy give that lonely man a hug damnit :') He's been waiting for like 3 lifetimes!!

EEEEEEEEE

Ok first, if you are reading this and haven't read Sandy: An Enderman Tale, here is the AO3 link, this is going to be a spoiler-filled discussion

And second I want everyone to know that fic writers DIE for this level of engagement, I'm deceased, melted into the ground and incredibly flattered, thank you 😭🪦

Now to answer

Oh gosh the End. Oh man. Well consider this, right. How many Enderman does the average player have to kill to even open the End portal?

😬

Lmao yeah... that's... not something Steve is proud of.

I hadn't put much thought into it before but here is how I imagine things would have gone before the events of the fic, which will also explain Steve's hangups surrounding the End.

Steve wakes up in the world of Minecraft with no memory. He only knows his name, and that he is not of this world. He begins as an even more reckless adventurer than he is now, and just wants to experience everything the world has to offer

He kills a ton of Enderman and uses their pearls to find and open the portal. He knows somehow this portal is his escape out of this world

He makes it to the End and dies in his first attempt to kill the dragon. It was a rash decision to even try, he isn't even all that certain he wants to leave this world yet. He intends to go back some day, maybe once he is tired of being immortal.

It is at this point that he meets Sandy. Sandy saves Steve, playing out much like chapter 1 except for more hesitance on Steve's part. They have a tenuous ally-ship, mostly held up by the fact that Sandy won't quit following Steve.

Steve is hesitant to accept that Sandy could be good because of all of the Endermen he's slain assuming they were mindless monsters. What if one of them was Sandy? What if they are all like Sandy?

While he is in denial and trying to process, Sandy just keeps following him. Like I'm imagining he even builds a base under a lake only for Sandy to pop in as soon as he builds a ceiling tall enough lol

Steve lashes out at Sandy in misdirected anger at himself. Ok wait Ive just decided something very dramatic, he strikes Sandy when they won't stop following him. He's almost surprised when Sandy subsequently goes insane and hits him back, and he actually ends up killing them.

Instant regret. The Enderpearl left behind fucking haunts him. He goes to the End again out of desperation. Maybe there is some kind of answer to be found there, maybe Sandy will respawn there somewhere.

He finds nothing. It's exactly like the last time. Just endstone and faceless Endermen and a dragon that wants to kill him. But in a way everything has changed since the last time he was here. HE isn't the same.

As a last ditch effort, or maybe feeling sorry for himself, he makes eye contact with an Enderman. Sandy doesn't come to save him this time, and he is ripped apart. It feels fitting, in any case, that they should have a tiny taste of retribution for what he's done to them.

A long time passes before he encounters Sandy again. He's decided he's not leaving this world. Clearly there is so much more to experience that he can't even fathom, if his friendship with Sandy was even possible.

When Sandy finds him again he is beside himself, and actually scares Sandy away with his intense reaction. So he learns to be more casual about it in the future lol. He also learns that explaining what happened at the End is a no-no, because when he mentioned attacking the Enderdragon, Sandy got angry and went away for a long time.

There is a lot of trial and error in this go around. Sandy would either die because of rain or getting in the way of a monster again. Or maybe they attempt the Nether and Steve learns, no more Nether, lmao.

I did want to expand on the concept of the End with that in mind. It becomes sort of a symbol of his past failures and who he used to be. Even the fact that he nearly killed the Enderdragon and escaped this place haunts him.

He still has a lot of growing to do, he still displays selfishness and recklessness, but his relationship with Sandy is steadily making him a better person.

I love that you have a headcanon that's so fun for me. I would also like them to have a very long hug BUT it wouldn't be in the beginning since Sandy is easily spooked at first. At the end of the last chapter, Sandy is more accepting of the physical affection. So it just takes a while for them to warm up to the idea. It would prbly also help if Steve didn't make them kill him at any point lol. I see them making hugs a regular thing in a future lifetime, as long as Star is sitting somewhere out of sight!

Thank you for your ask and your incredible support my heart is warm ♥️

[valstarsandgalaxies]

This is so old, but i think the start had potential and that it was written quite beautifully, so i decided to finish this little thing. It's mostly just a conversation between the Buckies, nothing serious. The only thing that awaits you here is fluff :) Chose some random prompt for inspiration and here it is! I've been struggling with a writing block, but since this only needed the ending, it wasn't that hard. Hope I'll be able to deliver more fics in the near future! Now enjoy this little piece, please<3

[ irresistable ] sender taunts receiver by easing closer, promising a kiss, and then backing away, making receiver chase their lips.

"Do you think that somewhere else we haven't gone to war?"

John asks curiously and Gale just sighs. John gets like this sometimes. Asking questions that don't really make sense or more like don't matter at all. Because they aren't somewhere else and they never will be. This is all they got.

But John likes to think beyond that. He likes to think about the what ifs. Because they absolutely couldn't do that while there was a war on, there wasn't time for any what ifs, but now they have all the time in the world and sometimes Gale feels like John doesn't know what to do with it.

Thoughts like this surface from the depths of John's mind, because now's the time to actually acknowledge them. And for one, he's not afraid to word them out loud.

"What do you mean, John? Do you think there was somewhere in the world where we wouldn't have to go fight?"

"No. No, i didn't mean it like that. I meant, you know, maybe some other universe or just totally different world. Like do you think there's some reality where we were safe? Where we didn't have to go through all this shit?"

For Gale this is a useless conversation. He doesn't believe in all this stuff of alternative universes and life beyond their life they're currently living. But John had really clung to those ideas lately.

And Gale gets it a bit, he supposes. He really tries to understand it, for his Bucky. He thinks that maybe things are easier for John, when he thinks about the fact that somewhere else they can be together without the judgement of others. That they can get married. And that they didn't have to go through the terrors of this goddamn war. That somewhere else things have been better for them.

If he should speak for himself, he thinks things would suck anywhere else too. They would suck in a different way, but there's no way of getting a perfect life.

He lost his train of thoughts as John sits next to him on the couch. Thighs touching, but John turns his upper body to Gale to study his face.

"You're thinking about this more than i thought you would. But unfortunately i can't hear your thoughts, Buck. Mind sharing them with me?"

He tilts his head and asks in a teasing voice.

"I don't want to ruin your good mood."

The grin faded from his face, but was quickly restored by a smile. A smaller one, but it was there.

"So you think there isn't?"

"I just think that wherever we'd be, there would be some different stuff we'd need to fight with. I mean sure, there are only a few things worse than war, but I don't know."

"Tell me more."

Gale turns his head exaggeratedly with an annoyed expression, but it quickly changes, when he sees John's face.

"Please?"

He just wanted to have a conversation, he's probably just curious and wants to hear Gale's opinion about it and so Gale obliges, as he always does with Bucky.

"It's just that- I think sometimes you get lost in all those possibilities and you think that somewhere else we could have a perfect life. But I don't think that's possible. There will always be problems and maybe something else would happen to us. I'm not saying that there aren't places, where things weren't so rough, but there'll always be something."

Bucky is looking at him like he put the moon in the sky himself. Like he just said something incredible.

"I think i get what you're saying. Another idea popped up in my head after you said that."

He doesn't make his sentence into a question, but he hopes Gale would ask.

"What were you thinking, Bucky?"

"If there's always something bad everywhere, there has to be a reward, if we get through it, right? Like right now, us, being together, this is our reward for surviving the war. And then i guess somewhere else with different problems, we'd get a different reward. Something to make it worth going through that shit."

John says, his expression still kind of contemplative. Then Gale turns to him to catch his eyes and says:

"I am your reward?"

Bucky smiles.

"Of course, you are. Am i not your reward?"

He says, insulted at the implication that he isn't.

"Well, depends. Define the word reward for me, please."

John scoffs and turns his head away. It looked like he was actually sulking, so Gale turns off his teasing mode and turns on the serious mode.

"Hey."

He said as he took Bucky's face in his hands to make him look at him again.

"Of course, you're my reward after all this. You're all i ever wanted."

John melted at the words and leaned in to kiss Gale. It was soft and sweet. John licked gently into his mouth and made a sound, when Gale hands found their way to his waist and shoved him half on top of him.

"You're all I've ever wanted, doll. If there wasn't you, there would be no purpose for me. There's only you and no one else."

It makes Gale giggle and smile shyly. And he also blushed. John can always make his blush so easily, it's quite annoying sometimes.

They lean close to each other again, John brushing his nose against Gale's, going for his lips, but Gale pulled away. Which made John chase his lips and fall right on top of him.

"Hey, what was that? Where are you going?"

"We should go up and do something. Remember how we should go buy groceries, cause we literally ate plain bread with a tomato this morni-"

John doesn't let him finish as he kisses him again. More chaste this time, like the only purpose really was to shut him up.

"Okay, okay. We'll go grocery shopping later. But now let me enjoy my reward."

He grins as strangles Gale's hips with his thighs and puts his hands on his shoulders. He grinds his hips down on Gale's and Gale makes a sound he didn't want to escape past his mouth.

"Or we can go right now."

"It can wait."

Gale says hurriedly, puts his palms on John's waist and looks at him with hungry eyes. But there was also adoration, something sweet. Like he can never get enough of this man. And it's painfully true. He doesn't know what he'd do without John. He doesn't even wanna think about it. There's definitely no other universe, no other place, where they aren't together in some way. There can't be.

Before he can think about it even more, Bucky brings him back to reality by saying:

"Do you wanna go to the bedroom, love?"

He just shakes his head, doesn't need to answer, because the question was answered before it even left Bucky's mouth.

"Now, show me how you treat your reward."

Gale finally says and John kisses him like it's the end of the world.

[safetycar-restart]

Esteban in the d/s AU.

He tries to pretend he doesn’t need you. Until Pierre, he’s been with teammates who are mostly dominant, if not outright dominant, so he felt like he never could lean on you the way he needed to. He did all the required sessions, but he felt that he was being ‘weak’ by going to you more than what was scheduled because his teammates never needed that extra support. You’ve been with the team since it was called Renault, but you haven’t been so busy the way you know other team-contracted Doms have been.

Until Pierre. Pierre learned to lean on his Dom at alphatauri because they were some of the only support he got. So he asks for extra sessions when he needs them. And you’re always available because Esteban has never done that. And he sees Pierre doing it and realizes it isn’t something to be ashamed of because Pierre isn’t acting like it is, and and first Esteban might think that’s a front Pierre puts on but Pierre doesn’t just act like that when he knows Esteban can see, he’s requesting sessions through team management sometimes, it’s not always in the open.

Eventually, Esteban gets desperate enough to request a session outside of his regularly scheduled ones and it helps him so much. He requests another two the following race weekend. It’s Monaco. He gets a podium.

Ok so I was emptying out my askbox and how the fuck did I miss this?? This is incredible?? I can't believe I haven't answered this yet, we need to discuss this concept more oh my god.

So firstly, poor este being surrounded by doms. He's already had to fight twice as hard as his peers to be recognised and respected because of his sub status, so there was no way he was going to let himself seem weaker than he already was. He knew he couldnt be needy or desperate, couldnt allow himself to be seen that way.

And the worst part is that he LOVES his scenes with you? It was different at Force India, he didnt bond with that dom or feel comfortable with them.

But then he joined Renault and you became his team dom and he just... he loves scening with you so much. For the first time he's counting down the days until he can scene with you again, fantasising about being able to kneel for you whenever he wanted to. He finds himself nearly in tears when his aftercare is finished and he has to leave, has to stop himself from begging you to let him stay.

The first indication that Pierre is very different with you is when he finds out Pierre stays the night more often than not? He hears you and Pierre discussing when he'll scene with you next, and you remind him to tell his trainer to drop his dinner off at you hotel room.

He's confused about why Pierre would be having dinner in your hotel room and when he asks Pierre about it, Pierre is confused about why esteban isnt.

"You seriously leave immediately?" Pierre asks, shocked, "I stay the night. Just relaxing in a light subspace is the best part!"

Esteban doesn't know what to do with that information, and then he later hears Pierre arranging an extra scene with you. He realises Pierre does this all the time, that he just asks you for what he needs and you give it to him, even though it's above what's required.

He has to work up the courage to ask for that himself, especially because it's been years with you as his team dom by this point and he's never asked before, so he feels like he can't suddenly do it now.

But he needs it so bad? He's filled with restless energy and he knows he won't be able to sleep properly that night and he wants to sub so bad that his heart aches.

When he does ask, he stutters his way through the question in a bastardised mix of French and English and has to try two more times before you even realise what he's asking.

And then you just pull him into a hug, telling him you're so proud of him for asking for what he needs and that you would love to do a scene that night with him. You tell him that he should bring some PJs with just in case he decides to spend the night.

He loves every moment of that scene, and when it comes time to leave he even asks if he can stay, and he gets praised so much for speaking up.

[aqueousablution]

(February 2024) Valia Azimov Galetongue

Original post body:

Haven't drawn my first D&D character in ages, but I just finished reading Dungeon Meshi, which put me in a fantasy mood. I decided to trans her gender and have her new name be Valia; you can't really tell because of how small her head is on the page, but she has scars from where her frill-beard was removed. The campaign has long-since petered out, so I'll never get to play as her again or get closure on her story, but it was nice to revisit her, even if only for a single drawing.

Valia was the daughter of the leader of her home city-state, Wyvernsend's Lady Ciara Azimov Galetongue, and a Knight of the Platinum Scales (an order dedicated to Bahamut). She kept a journal that I did an abysmal job of maintaining, which was actually originally a physical journal until I switched to just using a text document instead. Valia was short-tempered and stubborn, like my other character Éclair, but unlike Éclair Valia was a sincere believer that laws should be followed when possible (Éclair, on the other hand, mostly just obeyed the law as a means of avoiding trouble, but was perfectly content with breaking it if she felt she could get away with doing so). Her allegiance to Bahamut came first, of course, and if the law came into conflict with the tenets of her faith, she'd choose her faith over the law of the land every time. (The disconnect of a then-agnostic-atheist and now-agnostic-misotheist playing such a religious character is not lost on me.) Her winged spear, Polaris, was a holy relic once wielded by her ancestor Azimov Galetongue centuries ago. It was actually originally a sword before we eventually retconned it to be a greatspear (basically a pike with a name more befitting its actual length, and made compatible with Polearm Master); in the planning phases of the campaign I had originally planned for her to use a spear and shield as a 4e Fighter, but then made her a 4e Bard and switched to a sword for mechanical reasons, and then didn't switch back when we moved our plans to 5e and I made her a Fighter again. (I largely wound up going with a two-handed spear because I've always found the idea of using Polearm Master's bonus attack with a one-handed polearm incredibly silly) Polaris was intended to slowly upgrade over the course of the campaign, though I never got to use its final form (which would have been a +3 weapon); originally we had it such that it could use bootleg Paladin smites by expending charges, but I felt like I was stepping on the toes of the actual Paladin in the party, so we changed it such that it let her cast divine favor by expending charges instead. It could also cast armor of Agathys (rebranded "armor of Bahamut") as a bonus action, as well as branding smite, and later blinding smite and crusader's mantle; it'd have eventually been able to cast destructive wave as well, but the campaign didn't last long enough to get to that point. Last I played her, she was a level 14 Battle Master Fighter. Her stats were 20 Str, 12 Dex, 14 Con, 12 Int, 8 Wis, and 14 Cha. Her maneuvers were trip attack (a go-to of hers), precision attack (a late addition, used in conjunction with Great Weapon Master's power attack, which was also a late addition), rally, distracting strike, menacing attack, goading attack, and sweeping attack. She had recently obtained +2 plate armor of elven make when the campaign fizzled out, seen above, and wore a ring of protection (though I forget when she got that). In addition to Polaris, she carried a rondel dagger, a heavy longsword, and gauntlets designed for punching (the latter two can be found in my Martial Options homebrew document). Our group allowed feats to be split in half and recombined (either with a lone ASI or with another half of a feat), as well as giving out a half feat at both level 1 and whenever your got your second ASI (8th level for most characters, but 6th for Fighters), so she had two cantrips from Magic Initiate: Cleric (thaumaturgy and guidance), an extra 1 HP per level from Tough, the initiative bonus from Alert, the bonus attack from Polearm Master, the damage reduction from Heavy Armor Master, and the aforementioned power attack from Great Weapon Master. #(Azimov is her family name and Galetongue is her clan name for the record)

[dontjudgemeimawriter]

WIP Questionaire

Using an open tag from @sleepy-night-child

1. What’s the first part of your WIP that you created?

A character that no longer exists. I guess the first thing that is still there is Mika actually! Mika is a major character, but not exactly a main character (Like I rank Terran and Raymond above her as MCs), and she was a major character in the original draft, too. Her character is mainly the same, except the original MC saw her sweeter, gentler sides and Terran mostly sees her petty, angry sides. After that I'd saay Zachary, who's also been there from the beginning. Both Mika and Zachary were created before Terran was even born.

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

Ooh. I think if this was a show it's be a netflix original miniseries-- idk it just has that vibe I think? But probably a Sam Tinnesz song since I have a ton of him on my WIP playlist and they all definitely fit. I also thought of Landmines by BELLSAINT.

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

Damn, I love all my characters. I don't think I could have characters I don't love. I do think Terran is in a way my favorite-- like, this was a story I had abandoned, but I loved Terran so much I went back to it and took him and had the others follow suit. So yeah, he's my fave. I guess i love his struggle, how scared he is of himself, and how much he tries without even realizing he is-- and how much he is growing.

4. What other pieces of media do you think your fanbase would share?

I'm assuming this means other things they would also like? I kind of hope I Hunt Killers fans find it. But also there are a ton of books I know of that feel a similar genre, basically the things I read... trying to think of more well known things or non-books, I think... Maybe White Collar? XD. I don't know.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

Can I say writing it? I guess the biggest one is finding time and energy to work on it. Lately I haven't done anything with it because I have work, social commitments, and dnd to plan every week. Plus rest, doing chores/errands, and reading. No time.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

Not really, I don't put a lot in. There's a cat that shows up at one pint that Mika is petting before she and Terran have arguement, but that's about it.

I will say, in Second Chance I decided the MC has a cat names Spoons.

7. How do your characters travel/get around?

Walking. Terran hates doing anything but walking, and they're in a city that's not so big that he can't. Right now though they are venturing outside the city and traveling by train.

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

I guess I'm leading into Act 3 or right at the beginning of it? I know I've passed the midpoint, and it's been a bit since I have. And I think I can see the climax in sight.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) you think will draw your audience in?

I think what would most interest me about the WIP is the moral struggle and the crime aspects. Like, "Assassin who saved someone's life and now doesn't know if he can escape or should just pretend he never did that" is just super appealing to me and I hope it is to others. Also I kinda hope Rayran will draw people in because they're fantastic.

10. What are your hopes for your WIP?

To finish it? That this one is able to be edited into something really good, that it can be published and enjoyed.

Tagging: @cowboybrunch @writingamongther0ses @betweenthetimeandsound @late-to-the-fandom @surroundedbypearls @cljordan-imperium @junypr-camus @thegreatobsesso @scribe-of-stories @ceph-the-ghost-writer and anyone else who wants to feel free

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Well now you’ve got me started on the ikran racing au and now I’m curious so!

Nocorro fic recs for the noob please? 😂

BESTIE finally join the dark sideee.

As I said over dms; unfortunately for you, there are better locorro (and spiri, although I really only rec one hardcore) fics then there are Nocorro. Nocorro is like a desert spot, there really aren’t any aside from a few really short but cool one shots. It's a very small fandom, and it's pretty young right now so tbh most of the fics are not very good, so it'll be a short list anyway. So, as we discussed, here are the high quality, well written Spider ship fics:

For nocorro, there really isn't much. That's why I said I've come so fucking close to writing that ikran au; because I am deeply obsessed with the nocorro parts of it. I adore that au and the ghost neteyam one honestly best of all, but the ghost Neteyam one there is slightly more content for. BUT ANYWAYS;

Upon looking up my list for this I was furious to discover one of the three well written little nocorro one shots has been deleted, so beef begun with CherryApollo (jk queen I need more of them. Actually, a03 user CherryApollo; I know ur reading these posts, or else you wouldn't have tagged that fic nocorro, huh? You said "tumblr has it's claws in me so here's some nocorro" I SEE YOU, I KNOW UR HERE. THERE'S LIKE THREE OF US USING THAT TAG, AND IT'S MOSTLY JUST ME ALONE IN THE VOID. You listen to me. I liked that fucking fic, I had it bookmarked. Give it back to me. But seriously big fan of ur work).

The two remaining fruit themed CherryApollo nocorro oneshots better be your first stop just in case this sociopath decides to take more from me, Take a Bite of the Orange (p sure I was the commenter that took offense mentioned in the notes) and Follow Me Down to the Peach Tree, which did make me want to end it all. Both under 1000 words and worth a quick read.

There is also the ghost of Guilt by thatshowthemafiaworks @undercoverpan who has written us a ghost Spider au which has never failed to make me cry each chapter. The prose is not as flawless as the other recs here, but it packs some emotional weight the others don't. I also can't even fathom where it's going as it all seems entirely hopeless which is why it makes me cry.

The only other nocorro fic I even think is worth a mention is Crop Circles by our bestie @spicymiilk. It's not done and we haven't reached any nocorro yet, but know it's coming and it's good. I get my sticky little fingers in each good Avatar fic writer and I puppeteer the content I want, just look at whats happening here.

For locorro (still a small as hell ship), we can afford to be slightly more picky and I shall give you the best of the best.

Personally I would start with the locorro bible, Bitter by Icandigelvis @oppa86oppa . All of us locorro stans have said this, but this fic started our interest in the ship for most and it caused the cultural revolution of our Spider ship community. This fic still months later lives with me 24/7, and it really is one of THE fics I've ever read of all time. It went righttt into my collection of fics to show to my MFA prof who told me to stop reading fanfiction lol, like seconds after I finished it. Then I put it in the grad school jealousy collection because it's that well formatted.

The Restless Child series by @spicymiilk is a full length novel that will take you a bit lol. I am biased as I do beta it but it's real good. I keep not anticipating turns I should anticipate, but maybe we can convince Andrei to simply let us live for a sec because the fact that it's been like two weeks in universe hit me yesterday while editing and I wanted to fall off an ikran (👀).

There is also, NATURALLY, The Thunder Answered Back by @spicymiilk. This fic crawled up my butt what I can I say. You all got to read my massive post about it, hope u enjoyed that. I was walking back from work today, listening to Back to You by Louis Tomlinson ft Bebe Rexha, in 91 degree heat and it started to thunder and simply pour rain and I was like "I am lIVING The Thunder Answered Back vibes rn, holy fuck." You know it's good writing in general when it gives you a specific vibe. Tbh, that song is that fics vibes, perhaps locorro vibes in general.

I'm only gonna rec one spiri fic for a few reasons. One, because there is a criminal lack of content for them, and two, that fic is worlds above any other spiri fics. I think it's a great starter fic for getting into Spider ships and for getting into spiri in general, just because of how detailed and in depth the world is, my god. It's basically Spider and Kiri pov switches from their childhood up until wayyy past Way of Water and until the end of all conflict with humans. Like any good canon continuation, I disagree with and I agree with a ton of @milesocorro 's interpretation. I don't particularly enjoy the way the conflict concludes, but I really adore the way Quaritch is handled. I said this before to the author, but it's my favorite Quaritch confrontation I've read yet. I have a review up for it while it was still coming out, and I said there I was obsessed with Spider's tsurak and I still fucking am. That's my fav Spider iknimaya sequence too!! Anyways, that's my repeated pitch for Please be kind, please be gentle with me .

[holedaemon]

Ass Respect 1

Last night @freakpatrol and I finished our Mass Effect 1 playthrough together. It was my first time playing, their millionth, and it was an Experience. I won't lie, I wasn't super invested in it until we got to Noveria, but once we did it kinda hit me. Let me explain.

Mass Effect 1 is a nightmare of a game. It's poorly designed, frustrating and definitely a product of the era. I think the biggest issue is accessibility. If Ari weren't there to guide me, I would have been so lost going through it and probably would have given up. Menus are confusing and there's virtually no explanation of anything. I literally did not mod any of my weapons or armor till the last stretch of the game just purely because going thru the menus sucked. Another lacking aspect were the side missions. In theory they were cool, but in practice it was a lot of

go to sparsely populated planet

find random building, go inside

oh the building is 1 of 3 different prefabs

kill enemies inside building

complete objective

go home

It was a slog. But if you didn't do them, then you're missing out on so much story, and it can affect your playthroughs of the subsequent games, so they were important. Realistically, this is excusable, the thing that really killed me was traversing the FUCKING PLANETS. THE MAKO IS A GENUINE PIECE OF SHIT. DRIVING THAT THING IS LIKE RIDING A HORSE WITH A DEGENERATIVE DISEASE. IT WAS TERRIBLE. WHAT MADE IT WORSE WERE THE PLANETS THEMSELVES. WHOEVER AT BIOWARE DECIDED THAT EVERY PLANET WAS GOING TO BE FULL OF MOUNTAINS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO SCALE IS MY ENEMY FOREVER. I WILL KILL THEM. Night before last we spent hours just doing side missions, and I guarantee a huge chunk of that time was spent trying to get to different objectives on each planet. Both of us were fucking furious by the end of it, I haven't been that pissed off at a game in YEARS. At one point I just gave up doing the optional stuff on the planets, like collecting minerals, etc.

BUT, for every bad thing about Mass Effect 1, the story, worldbuilding, and impact of decisions make up for it. The lore behind Mass Effect is so rich and expansive, it puts every other game to shame. I can't think of any other series that is so in depth about its races, characters, or universe. You've got the humans, who are just making their way into space & asserting themselves among the universe; the Turians: a militaristic avian-like race that mostly police the galaxy; Salarians: nerdy, feeble science types with short lifespans; KROGAN!!!! Badass fucking warrior race that are dwindling in numbers after being genetically sterilized & systematically purged after a burst in numbers; Quarians: AWESOME LOOKING tech-inclined nomads that travel the galaxy after being pushed out of their home system by their own creations; Geth: sentient machines created by the Quarians that evolved & rebelled against their makers; Asari: cool blue ladies; Batarians: a cool race that are unfortunately mostly only depicted as slavers & terrorists, not really seen in the game at all; Protheans: an ancient race with a technologically advanced society, that were mysteriously wiped out 50,000 years ago with barely a trace, whose technology we allegedly based our own on; Reapers: inorganic, sentient machines, and the true antagonists of the series, that reside in the void beyond the universe, waiting for their chance to return and purge the universe of all organic life; Volus, Hanar, Rachni, Elcor. ALL OF THESE COOL RACES WITH THEIR OWN QUIRKS AND MYTHOS THAT MAKE UP THIS RICH AND EXPANSIVE UNIVERSE. This is what the Elder Scrolls should have been, there's actual substance here.

Really hammering in the races making up the universe are the characters, especially the core team. My favorite members of the crew were Garrus and Wrex, I love them dearly and would protect them with my life. I chose them as my squad mates for every mission, partly because I love them, but mostly because they hate each other. Both are stoic hotheads set in their ways. Garrus is a Turian; former c-sec agent that wants out of the bureaucratic life. He's a little unsure of his path which I sympathize with. If you're nice to him, which you should be, he's a valuable ally. Wrex is a Krogan mercenary that you pick up on the citadel. He's had a tough life and likes to work alone, but you can eventually earn his trust and have him come to respect you. The part of Wrex's story that really stood out to me is when you make the choice to kill him or save him. You learn that Saren allegedly has a cure for the Genophage (the aforementioned genetic sterilization of the Krogan people) and is breeding an army of Krogan. You unfortunately have to put a stop to this. Wrex is rightfully pissed, and you can either calm him down or appease everyone else & kill him. I obviously made the choice to calm him down and save his life. I want to see him flourish. There's obviously more characters than that in the core team. For instance, Liara, the young Asari scientist that studies the Protheans and helps you gain insight on the galaxy's precursors. Who you can fuck. I fucked her. There's Tali, a Quarian on her Pilgrimage that joins your crew and helps on the ship. Kaidan and Ashley, the humans, who I didn't really give a fuck about. Ashley is a racist bitch and I absolutely let her die. Outside of your crew, there's Ambassador Udina, who sucks major ass and I hate. Captain Anderson, who punched Udina and generally rocks, I gave him the seat on the council at the end of the game. The council is another important aspect of the bureaucratic bullshit of the galaxy. I hung up on them a lot, but begrudgingly saved them at the end of the game so humans could continue to prosper and hopefully gain more respect throughout the galaxy. Saren, the "antagonist" of the game who was really nothing more than a pawn for the reapers. He was cool, and it sucks that he had to die the way he did. The point is, the characters are the lifeblood of this game and really stood out. Each having their own personality & story gave even more depth to the universe.

The last vital aspect of the game is you, and the chooses you can make. I'm a lil bitch so I went primarily paragon with my choices. I was mean when I wanted to be but mostly favorable to everyone I met. The coolest part is that this can change the later games. You can take your character with you into the 2nd and 3rd games and your choices in the previous adventures shape how the subsequent games are played. I think that's really unique, even by today's standards, and I'm really excited to see how it plays out in the later games. Especially for characters like Wrex. That's why we did the side missions, because the people you meet on the side can pop back up in 2 & 3. It's a really cool system that I wish more games worked with.

All in all, cool game, awesome experience. A nightmare in accessibility & game play, but makes up for it with the story, choice making, characters, and lore. After we finished, we immediately started 2 and I'm already loving it so much more. The world has been expanded upon, the accessibility is better, the game play is more streamlined, it's a better experience thus far and I'm excited to talk more about it when I finish it. Big thanks to my partner Ari (@freakpatrol) for introducing me to the series, playing with me & guiding me through it. It's really nice to play a story-based singleplayer game again after years of not. Okay that's my review rant. Thanks, bye.

[honeysuckle-venom]

I'm taking an online writing class over the next six weeks. It starts tomorrow (though it's asynchronous) and I'm very, very nervous. I have a deep desire to write, and someday hope to publish a memoir, because there aren't enough modern voices talking about schizophrenia recovery via talk therapy. But I also have a lot of hangups around writing. I used to write a lot as a kid, and everyone around me considered me a very talented writer. My mom was a professional writer and had always been very clear that she and I shared a "gift." She always kind of took credit for my writing ability, which is sort of funny considering that's one of her main complaints about her own mother. My mom talked a lot about how talented I was and how I would be an amazing author one day, and she put a lot of pressure on me to write. She had really high hopes that she and I would one day write a book together, in fact, and a few times tried to start doing that with me, though by the time I was old enough to start working with her like that I was also old enough to have significant problems with her that kept us from getting very far. My desire to write in my spare time decreased as I got older, I think due to a combination of pressure, burnout, and increasing self-consciousness. And while I did write some fanfiction and some poetry in college, and took and very much enjoyed a playwrighting class in my senior year, I mostly stopped writing creatively by the time I was 20. I haven't finished a short story in nearly ten years. I'm out of practice, and my skills are deeply rusty. But it's more than that. People commenting on my writing ability can be really triggering for me. It just brings up all this really complicated past stuff with my mom. My therapist has been urging me to write for a long time, and I have very mixed feelings about that, which she is aware of. Every time she tells me I have a way with words and should be writing I'm simultaneously proud and somewhat triggered. In the past I couldn't stand to hear her say that, it would send me into a panic attack. These days I can handle it and sometimes appreciate it, but it also causes a certain amount of anxiety and discomfort.

Deep down I agree with her. I've always preferred expressing myself verbally, and I used to be a good writer, and it is important for me to have a medium to express myself, and writing is probably the best choice. Getting back into creative writing would probably ultimately be very good for me, and that's why I've decided to try to do it. But I'm also very afraid that it's not just that I'm rusty, it's that I've completely lost the ability to write and will never be any good again, even though that's unlikely and writing is a skill you can practice. Irrational or not, the idea of having entirely lost the ability still scares me. And underneath that is a much more complicated fear, a twisting shameful resentful terrified tangle of feelings about my mother and our relationship and our similarities and our past and our future. I can't even fully explain what about the concept of writing is so triggering, but it just brings up all of these feelings and memories from the past in a way that's really difficult for me.

And I was prepared to deal with that and push through it and take this class, but when I signed up a few weeks ago I wasn't in nearly as precarious a place as I am now. I wasn't psychotic, I was feeling relatively stable. In fact I was stable enough to be bored and seek a class for some mental stimulation. But now I'm back in psychotic survival mode, and I'm really nervous about trying to deal with this class at the same time. It'll be okay, even if all of my homework sucks the only person who will see it will be the teacher and it's not like I'm working towards a degree or anything. I'm doing this to help rebuild a skillset and for "fun." I just have to remember that I guess.

[dorianbrightmusic]

Reverse Rapunzel

(TW: Discussion of suicide/suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts, and anorexia.)

When my anorexia was at its worst, I lost most of my creative functionality, and went from writing like two songs a month to one in all of spring. It's scary watching your ideas dry up, and losing your ability to lose yourself humming a tune that you've never heard in your lifetime. So when I was new-diagnosed and dead inside, I was briefly delighted when, in two days, I finished composing a song that I felt was objectively good, more classical and more melodic than anything I'd made up till that point, I was proud. I called it the Tower for awhile, then Reverse Rapunzel, in that the princess got herself out of her prison this time.

And I was happy, briefly, happy enough that I uploaded it on an otherwise-dead account, since I wanted it to be heard.

Two days later, I took it down, and I spent the next 18 months trying to clear it and everything associated with it from my computer.

I wanna explain why, since it scarcely makes sense that I'd spend years of my life trying to avoid remembering the tune to the song.

Intrusive thoughts are very difficult to describe if you don't have them, because you know they're irrational, but you're helpless to their narrative. I'm not talking 'what if they dislike me', or 'maybe I should throw my glass of water at someone'. I'm talking having a voice in your head that is telling you, vividly, to pick up a knife and be over with it. I'm talking closing your eyes and getting thrown out of your own body for a half-second by the intensity of the image of your own corpse that your imagination conjures up. I'm talking seeing your own headstone for the hour you spend trying and failing to sleep, and seeing the numbers on it very vividly, dead certain that you won't make it to the end of twelfth grade. What these thoughts said was whether you want to live or not, it isn't your choice.

What's scary is the way that intrusive thoughts latch onto other things, and poison things in your life. The way you stop being able to talk to people, because if you explain why, you'll cry. It's terrifying to have your own brain invaded from the inside, and to be able to do nothing to stop it.

Reverse Rapunzel was built around a very repetitive leitmotif. Three notes, over and over and over. Extremely catchy. Problem was, the intrusive thoughts took hold of the way Reverse Rapunzel repeated and repeated, and heard fate. That is, they decided, arbitrarily and awfully, that the repetition signified inevitability. If it gets stuck in your head, you'll kill yourself.

I couldn't bear it, because I could still remember the melody, and I couldn't put it out of my mind. I thought it was going to kill me, and there was nothing I could do. So, in a vain attempt to clear it out, I went through my computer, and deleted as many files as possible associated with the piece, or moved them to a backup drive to rot. I'm fairly certain the original Sibelius score file no longer exists, even on a backup.

This ritual provided brief relief, but even so, the melody stuck in my brain, and continued to haunt me until I recovered.

I've never had a formal OCD diagnosis - I took the intrusive thoughts largely as a corollary of starvation, and since they mostly disappeared when I recovered, I suppose they were - but I can't begin to say how terrifying this experience was. I didn't tell any friends, and I haven't talked about it online before. It was too shameful, and too horrifying.

But last year, I dug back through my computer, and found that one of the score files (though not the original) is still intact. And sometimes, I'll listen to it on repeat, over and over, for an hour or longer. I'm glad it's still around, but even so, it feels cursed. It's bittersweet - I'm relieved that the piece wasn't wiped out so brutally that I can't find it at all, but at the same time, it still feels kinda heavy to listen to. A solo piano song that's almost entirely 3 chords and a simple tune shouldn't do that.

So I'm glad that the piece and I survived this, and I wanted to discuss it, since I don't think people can easily understand just how terrifying and bizarre these things can be. But yeah. It was weird and it was scary and I still can't make sense of the irrationality of it.

[triviareads]

I started the month strong by cracking, buying the last two books, and finishing Sierra Simone's Thornchapel series (here are my final thoughts), and then mostly spent the rest of the month on ARCs (see below) and a pretty diverse array of romances. All in all a great month!

Bed Me, Baron by Felicity Niven (releases September 7th)

I haven't had this much fun reading a historical romance in a long time. It's one of those romances that start off relatively light and frivolous (and there's an immediate "teach me" moment), but by the end, it really packs an emotional punch. For my full analysis on friends-to-lovers and the daddy of it all, here's my review.

Full Moon Over Freedom by Angelina M. Lopez (releases September 5th)

I'm not one to read romances with magic in them, but Angelina wrote wrote this deeply cultural and spiritual take on magic and superstition and intertwined it with the romance masterfully. Here's my full review.

The Duke Gets Desperate by Diana Quincy (releases September 26th)

This book felt particularly special to me because the heroine is a first-generation immigrant and retains both her family's Palestinian culture and that classic can-do American spirit. The cultural rep as well as the feminist legal themes are compelling reasons for why we should be reading and writing more historical romances set later in the Victorian era. Here's my review.

It Had to Be a Duke by Vivienne Lorret (releases November 28th)

Adorable, hysterical, full review coming in a couple months, but here are my reactions.

What Was Meant To Be by Heather Guerre

Small-town romance done right. This one really hit on an emotional level; Rain has been under her father's thumb her entire adult life and was never given the resources and support she needed as someone with autism. As a result, she finds herself coerced into marry Wes, a guy in rural Wisconsin she's never met, so Wes can get the property he needs for his resort (basically a dowry :/). What follows is heartbreaking and uplifting at once: Rain begins to exercise her independence and she and Wes slowly come around to an tentative understanding. This is a book where fucking leads to feelings and there are some great sex scenes in this one. Rain is the dominant one in their sexual relationship, and Wes is 100% here for it... a Good Boy, if you will. It's a soft domme vibe but effective and very natural in my opinion, and I would love to read more of this dynamic in romance novels.

Knockout by Sarah MacLean

I knocked this one out in a day (here are my final thoughts). Plotwise my favorite in the Hell's Belles series (a series of mysterious targeted explosions? come on), and the romance between Imogen and Tommy was a perfectly done Grumpy/Sunshine. Also, if you weren't imagining Detective Inspector William 'The Duke' Wellington while reading Tommy Peck, you were reading it wrong.

Rules of Engagement by Christina Dodd

If there's one thing Christina Dodd excels at, it's writing a bitchy hero in that early 2000s kind of way. Kerrich has a little St. Vincent in him; his biggest issue (apart from his trauma from accidentally mooning the King of England after he fell off a trellis because he saw a girl naked) is that alllll his servants find him so hot they can't help but proposition him, so he decides to find the ugliest governess, procure a child, and become "respectable" thanks to a blackmail threat. Also, he does unironically wear a monocle and I'm here for it. Pamela is the kind of pragmatic heroine I love: she's willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done, but when push comes to shove, she feels very little shame in seeking pleasure.

The Prize by Julie Garwood

If you find yourself missing the Lillian-Westcliff dynamic but perhaps want to see it play out in a medieval setting, then this is your book! Royce is a hypercompetent Norman lord, and Nicholaa (yes there's an extra 'a' there) is, as the blurb perfectly puts it, a "resourceful, rebellious and utterly naive" Saxon lady. In the grand theme of Westcliff, there was definitely some conversation about how it was "unlike" Royce to do some not-entirely-consensual stuff during the deflowering scene, to which I say no, it really was... in character. Man was on the brink.

But if that's your jam, then you'll probably enjoy this one.

Redhawk Reunion series by Robin Covington

I found a new favorite Harlequin Desire series this month! The Redhawk Reunion series is about three siblings of Native American descent who were removed from their parents' home by CPS without cause and separated (I strongly urge everyone to look into Indian Adoption Project, the Indian Child Welfare Act, and Haaland v. Brackeen to learn more because it used to be upsettingly common due to government policy). Adam, the hero of the first book, hires PI Tess to find his long-lost siblings and they fall into a FWB situation with a side of secret REVENGE. The second book involves Adam's sister Sarina, who accidentally marries his business partner Justin in Vegas, and they too end up in a FWB situation except, well, as a married (for convenience) couple. As far as Harlequin Desires go, both are top-notch and deliver exactly what you want from this imprint.

Also, I believe the next book is supposed to be about Adam and Sarina's brother Roan and the President of the United States' daughter, whose portrait he's supposed to be painting and I'm VERY excited for that.