#I haven't decided how I want her to
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Month 3, day 21, decided to let Flick sit in my head for a bit (or bounce off the walls like a superball launched out of a potato cannon, either/or) and start getting Knell all painted and rendered and 3D-looking
It's, uh, been a long time since I tried to do a realistic looking humanoid figure, and I was never very good at it. This needs a whole lot of work, but it's also in the very beginning stages, and I'm happy with it so far :D
#the great artscapade of 2023#art#my art#character design#original character#forspoken oc#forspoken spoilers#(just in case)#I haven't decided how I want her to#you know#look yet#Susurrus looked... broken#he had chunks missing and generally looked like he'd Been Through Some Shit™#but Knell is supposed to look sleek and refined#so do I still want to make her look like she's made up of thousands of bird-shaped patches?#or do I want her to look solid with only a suggestion of patchwork?#or should she look smooth and unblemished?#should she ALSO have chunks missing or did Susurrus used to be whole?#...I know what I'm going with for the fic I made Knell for but I'm still not sure on the final rendering#she IS supposed to have a mirror-ish shine to her tho#so that'll be fun to figure out#I have ~ideas~ and I don't know if they'll work but I'm looking forward to trying :D#for those wondering Flick is copper :3#Knell is supposed to be silver/platinum to contrast Susurrus's gold#I'll be brightening her up as I go don't worry
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"harley quinn's never had a good design in the last deca-!" WRONG dropkicks you through a brick wall
#dw i do plan to make an actual entire post about her best looks cause i stg#none of these people have ever picked up something with harley in the past 20 years#i love her jester suit sm but fuck do some of these people make it hard cause theyre just so stupid#and wrong#cant be me tho<3333#harley quinn#harleen quinzel#dc comics#''omg but her hair“ SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP#let her be goofy and have fun colored hair ffs 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪#sometimes the hair color you want isn't really gonna go with most of your outfits#but having colorful hair is fun!! so who cares!#she could dye all her hair crystal blue with orange highlights and damnit ill still support her#everyone understands the Post Breakup Messing With Your Hair phase but get so bent outta shape that she wants to keep her hair#how it is and how she decided to have it dyed after fully ending things with him.#genuinely#some of yall just haven't had the experience of dying your hair unnatural colors multiple times over the years.#cause yea sometimes your hair is just not gonna be a perfectly crafted match unless you like solely wear a single color#like if someone dyes their hair blue are they just not allowed to wear stuff that doesnt directly go with the hair color? cause thats stupid
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Have an itty bitty tiny piece of stasis in darkness, just so you all have an idea of where the story is going after the godly reveal. and also have proof that i am, in fact, still toiling away at this (as well as hawkins halfway house.)
A week and a half later, Steve entered a town he’d never seen before. He wore simple traveling clothes and carried no weapons aside from a couple of carefully hidden knives. He’d left his armor and shield behind. His satchel held only the essentials one needed for travel and a single stone as large as his fist. The stone was wrapped in layers of cloth to keep it safe during the journey.
I need you to find someone.
He felt very bare but he hadn’t been given much of a choice. Speed was of the essence for his quest, and little no-name towns tended to be wary of strangers in plain clothes, even more so around strangers decked out for battle. Steve wasn’t sure this place could be called a town. It was so small it hadn’t been on any official map. It didn’t even have an inn. Hopefully, Steve wouldn’t be needing an inn once he found who he was looking for.
He’s too far from me to reach.
He asked around, laying on the charm generously. He explained he had been a friend of a friend and had been trusted to deliver something. Eventually, he was told where to go. The house he found far beyond the village’s boundary was small. It looked like it had once been well cared for but it was old and had fallen to disrepair. Steve took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
A sallow old man opened the door. He was bald but had some scruff on his face still. His shoulders, stooped from age, trembled. His eyes were bloodshot. He looked so tired.
He’s my very last worshiper in all the world.
“Wayne Munson?” Steve asked.
“Who wants to know?” The man’s voice was phlegmy and rough. He coughed into the crook of his elbow almost before he could finish speaking.
“I’m Steve. Ser Steve Harrington, pledged to the Lord of Night.”
Wayne’s eyes widened. His grip on the open door weakened and slipped. Steve caught the door before it could hit Wayne.
“He sent me to you,” Steve explained. “May I come in?”
yep, that's it for now. i told you it was small. i'm not even gonna bother with a read-more here.
#trensu tells stories#stasis in darkness#i technically have another 4.5k words written already#but it is very much still a rough draft#it's all clunky chunks of stone with all that i want to happen but has not been carved and smoothed out properly yet#also i have decided to include at least a couple of prayers#because i hate myself apparently and want to make myself suffer#a poet i am not#and i haven't stepped in a church or said prayers in literal decades#well#that's a lie#i did attend ONE mass in that time only because my mom asked me so she wouldn't have to go alone#the priest went off on the queers during his sermon and my mom never asked me to go with her again lol#so i remember none of the prayers#and even if i did#i learned all my prayers in spanish#i have no idea how they go in english#ughhhhhh why do i do these things to myself
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experimenting w hair + face shape
#finally figured out how to do the hair shinies#also I need to go back to a more normal face shape for her lol#if you look at how I used to draw her (please don't) she just kept getting rounder and rounder lmao#also I haven't forgotten the antlers in some recent drawings#just need to decide if I want to keep the antennae#transfemme alastor#hazbin hotel#art#my art#doodles#hazbin hotel alastor#fem!alastor#trans alastor
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Femzai concepts.
#dazai osamu#femzai#fem Dazai#bsd fanart#bsd#ms paint#my art#i haven't decided how i want her to look like#this was a diferent drawing at the beggining i just gave up#i have to work on my fem desings#i'm just lazy
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sigyn that married loki like ages ago so when it comes out he's jotun she's like. 'well it's a bit late to do anything about that'
#''bit sad to find out about this after his death but i suppose i can't blame him for that :/''#''tell me if he ends up not being dead i think we should sit down and talk about this''#''totally not cool so hide something like this. im going to dye my hair black as charcoal and not even tell him''#''lets see how he likes it''#''the royal family sucks btw. it succ real good.''#''how does someone find out they are secretly from a different realm. how wouldn't they know. couldn't he tell?''#''im not saying it's loki's fault but i think it would be less his fault if he was less dramatic about this kind of thing''#''aaannnndd of course he threw himself off the bifrost by the end of it. do you people know nothing about him?''#sigyn just decides loki isn't dead to cope btw#it's like thor except she doesn't get depressed about it#''shouldn't she move out of the palace since her husband died?'' nah sorry no one can stand bringing up the topic#she roasts them about it#like have you no shame#there is not even a body#are you trying to kick her out? don't you know who she married?#''he's dead'' alright believe what you want but odin and frigga haven't said anything so she's sticking around#sigyn like i have more important things to do than worry about this kind of thing. like managing the vanaheim exports#she needs to make her money
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Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#True Villainy AU#Just ignore how many times I've said that up to this point lol - I'm serious this time!#I always feel so bad designing TVAU outfits because Charm is always so miserable as a model haha#Could this be a contributing factor as to why it's taken so long?? No I enjoy drawing her like that lol#Made some design notes about the important elements of what I want for her True Villain look - more than just ''Her but Kaiein influence''#I'd still really like a nod to dragon scales of some kind but honestly her classic design is more that#Always going on about her spider theming how to make it dragony! It's the one thing I'm still hung up on lol#As for the rest I think it's Really getting close :) I got to actually turn her little ''shawl'' - I always knew it was Kaiein-related -#Into something that properly mimics his shape! It's all controlled by her tho it's not a part of his body - just magic-infused matter#Made to look like him so there's still that creep factor but it's more her body than his - she can control its shape :D#And I got to keep the jewels! Yesss - made it a motif! Now it's also on her hips and knees to break up her visual space yes very good#It's drips :) Y'know - like ink :) Finally figured that one out lol good job setting up my own symbolism me#And then some elegant drapey bits to match her ''shawl'' and continue to break up her space!! Yes! Good!!#I still haven't decided on a colour palette I think black and white is too obvious and too Kaiein but hmmm - she has a lot of colours#Lots of options to pick from but which is the Correct one - her hair would stay pink so maybe some of her pinks or purples#I'll play with some digital swatches later :)#I'm also so glad I could implement the hood design from one of the scrapped outfits ah <3 I love her in a hood she's so cute#I'm rather pleased with the way the spider web design breaks up her form as well - it's more subdued than the full bottom/shoes stripes but#It's also not very clear here lol the long ones that all the way down to her feet are the third from the center ignore that second one#The second lines out from the center host her wings! Very important!#Kinda reminds me of my holosona in a way actually :0 They /are/ both Evil-aligned hmmmm#All the more reason to colour palette! Differentiate the colours in my head#Really do feel like I'm approaching it now fdjsklafd getting close now!!
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quick doodle because I needed it out of my head
#my art#pmatga#betrayus spheros#mei lián#pmatga oc#I could have indicated that there was supposed to be a crowd behind them because they're supposed to be at a concert. but I didn't#I mainly just wanted these two out of my head#I also! still haven't decided on how these two actually GOT together!#like yeah the story still stays as 'Mei and Betrayus only ended up meeting because of Zac and Sunny' but then after that it's fuzzy#like idk who gains a crush on who first. i'm sort of leaning towards Mei because I think it'd be funny (only to me)#and then have betrayus develop feelings later on AFTER her. and then they both just don't confess until like. 1 - 2 years later#i'm honestly not too sure. also it's 2 AM so I'm going to bed! goodnight!
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Shauna Shipman (& Jackie Taylor) in YELLOWJACKETS (2021-) / "Baggage" from Honeybee, Trista Mateer
#yellowjackets#shauna shipman#shaunajackie#jackieshauna#jackie taylor#yellowjacketsedit#yellowjacketsource#yellowjacketscentral#shauna sadecki#96yellowjackets#yjedit#tvedit#trista mateer#mine#(if you want me to add tw or anything pls ask)#jackieshauna again <3#it's crazy how you can make a set where we basically only see shauna and yet jackie's everywhere#girl was doomed by the narrative she decided to haunt it#“like i haven't spent the better part of my life thinking about her every single day”
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i still love you chappell roan
#chappell roan#politics#look okay#i see both sides like tbh i haven't really#decided how i feel about voting/not voting this year#not that i vote in the us#but it's crazy to make her out as#some sort of insane MAGA bigot???? like#she even said she was voting#like i feel like it's fair to not want your name#connected to a genocide ??#idk everyday it becomes clearer#that the us isn't a democracy#it's barely even trying to pretend that it is
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The good news: I will have Chinese food tomorrow
The bad news: I have to see my mom as part of it :[
#speculation nation#negative/#i guess. i Am complaining.#i did agree to this. better to rip the bandaid off ahead of the family christmas.#but i havent talked to her since like... jeeze. i really think it's been over 2 years by this point now.#ignored all her calls and texts and Letters even#like what am i supposed to say? heyyy ma nice to see you (i guess). why havent i called? well uhhhhh#even in her letter she sent me it was essentially a nearly illegible journal she kept during a depressing as fuck time#something that really shouldve stayed as a journal. but no she wrapped it up stuck a sticker on it and drew some nail polish on the envelope#i am her child and yet she was using me as a therapist. venting things and In The Letter saying she didnt know why she said them#like. mom. you know you dont have to send me everything you write right? you know you can start over right?#but no she just writes with no filter. no consideration for me.#because she's a sad sad woman who sees her children as the only things worth living for#and i do say things. she doesn't fucking care about me as a person.#she just misses the experience of being these little impressionable people's Everything.#no one puts up with her bullshit these days and how sad is that?#so. well. that's the kind of reason why i havent talked to her. bc she's a fucking drain just to be around.#but shes my mother yada yada and something in me still feels maybe even slightly socially obligated to see her#really though i just want to see her Side of the family. i miss them. i haven't seen them in too long.#and in order to see them i have to see her. and i decided itd be best to see her ahead of time#so that family xmas is. at least slightly less awkward. hopefully.#what am i supposed to do if she tries to hug me or something? i dont want to hug her.#either she'll be all weepy that i havent been talking to her or she'll try to act like nothing's changed at all.#or maybe both. who knows. either way itll be entirely about her. as it always is.#i just need to make sure i dont end up alone with her#so long as my sister or grandma are there too she wont be As insufferable. hopefully.
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.
#i told my roommate's psychologist father about how my therapist broke up with me via text without providing referrals#and he says that was really poor treatment and is called ''abandonment'' in the field and my response was ''it's fine im used to it''#so um. IM FINE LATELY. apparently. i have an appt with a prospective new therapist next week lmao#like her communication with me had totally fallen off as well and im screaming about it internally a little bc like#i knew this was not kosher but i was blaming myself for having slow progress#which like. no shit i was having alow progress she was cancelling on me every other week.#but oh no said my inner voice no she doesn't want to keep treating you because you're stuck. it's a you problem#like i understand that she was Going Through It but like she's the professional in this situation#i have sympathy but i also feel really hard done by#she basically ghosted me#and im just frog in a slow boiling pot (yes i know that's not real) every time im in a less than ideal situation where i should stand up#for myself bc im so ready to blame myself for the way im being treated and so afraid of retaliation if i speak up that it just happens to m#and i don't even know it until it's done with#and someone else points it out. or like i know it but i haven't allowed myself to be conscious of it yet.#it just makes me so mad that im like this bc what it means is that i tried so many times growing up to voice#things that were not okay with me and i was shut down so often and so dismissively that eventually i just#decided everything was my fault and became passive so i couldn't mess anything up
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Ok so. I've decided that I'm for sure gonna get a binder. I looked at Spectrum Outfitters specifically and they seem pretty good. I've already taken my measurements and everything so I know what size I should get and I've looked into y'know how to put it on and how to bind safely and all that stuff. Just need to choose what color I want :] (probably the hardest part of this whole thing lmao)
HOWEVER. I don't have enough money for it right now and I haven't talked abt this at all with my mom (I kinda.. don't want to explain all of this to her. She's very supportive of me and I'm sure she'd be cool with it but idk it's still scary and awkward and I don't wanna deal with that) so I was thinking of setting up a goal on my kofi and holding a sale for my comms so I can get enough money for it by myself + just have some extra cash for other unrelated stuff. Since this is a pretty personal thing for me I wanna do it all on my own and not have to go through mom first for once. I wanna feel like an adult and do things for myself y'know
So yeah point is I'll probably try and do a holiday sale for my comms soon to hopefully get enough to cover that so stay tuned :]
#ramblings#i don't really know what i'm gonna do once i order it#i guess i can just try and get it before she notices#or just hope she doesn't ask any questions. lol#idk i'll cross that bridge when i get to it#like i said it's not like she's not supportive of me i just. don't fucking know how to explain this whole deal#bc i haven't come out to her as genderqueer yet. so. yeah#idk maybe i'm just making this hard on myself but i genuinely. do not want to lmao#anywaysss#idk how much i'm gonna take off my prices. maybe 30% or 40% off??#50% max i guess but idk#i'll decide probably when december comes around
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Currently I have so many bg3 saves bc I refuse to delete my old ones that will likely never be finished (first ever gameplays, not optimized, everytime I open one I get overwhelmed and stop), but also because I keep making new games with the specific purpose of romancing a certain companion, seeing special dialog, doing a specific style of run, or getting an achievement on steam.
#simon says#currently the 4 that I have right now are fun but I wanna do a new one bc I like making characters and being silly#so far I have:#sad bardlock that was originally going to be a no-romance 'everyone's worst ending' run but then I finally decided to romance shadowheart#since the two of them absolutely give off sad lesbian vibes and just seem to make eachother better#because a doom and gloom bardlock constantly saying 'that sounds lovely :)' to anything shar related quickly made Shadowheart happy#next up is big hulking non-lolthsworn drow who is a cleric of Mystra#because I want to see how a cleric of mystra works with Gale and so far it has SUCH fun interactions#... Jak'ith. my gith jack-of-all-trades romancing Lae'zel#i would be a liar if I didn't say doing a legit jack of all trades run as a gith romancing Lae'zel wasn't the most fun out of all my saves#the interactions are so fucking funny I love it#like I highly recommend a gith lae'zel romance because it's so much fun just bouncing back and forth in dialog#and I got REALLY into stealing after playing Jak'ith so I made a duegar thief who is gonna eventually be a druid#and im gonna make her an exclusively Halsin romance bc I saw some of the duegar dialog options with him and I thought it would be funny#since my last Wyll romance went south (i had hubris in honor mode and lost it all) and I have still yet to romance Karlach or Minthara#those 3 are on my list for characters to make and play bc I haven't explored those routes yet#i also want to try doing a true goody two shoes durge run and a true evil durge run#obviously the evil run will probably be the Minthara romance#also on this list I am ignoring Astarion bc I have romanced him twice now in my two old durge runs so unless I can think of something unique#then im not doing anything with him for a while#well except playing as him#i got an old playthrough with him I should continue bc I wanted to see what his origin stuff would be like in act 3#at some point I do want to origin run all the origin characters bc it sounds really cool#but I want to get a good idea of their character arcs before I do#also for the achievements:#Jak'ith is the jack of all trades no Withers help achievement#My bardlock is the busking 100 gold one#and I want to do a punch drunk build at some point#which would probably be a monk bc of the drunken master robes you can get#but yeah I will probably end up with like 8 or more saves in the end
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how the fuck do you calm yourself down from wanting to completely rip into those dudes on dating app who just saw the non-mono tag on your profile didn't read any further then texted you the most offensive shit and now you just wanna rip his head off
#I am really holding myself back here holy shit#no alex I am not in an open relationship LIKE YOU#I am fucking poly which is fucking different#and dude you describe yourself as conservative how have you fucking looked at my profile and decided sure she's gonna like me and will#become my new fwb#FUCK OFF DUDE#I haven't been that angry about online dating in a bit motherfucker#I need to add to this because the not so hidden misogyny is making me vomit:#he wants “a women to have fun with but she should also have sth in her head”#eat a bullet fucker!#and he is quite famous in his field (“5 digit of people listen to what he says so it must be interesting”)#drive yourself off a cliff please I beg you#“except for ballsports and laying tiles he could beat me at everything”#gosh I just wanna end this guy's ability to ever talk to a woman again#I might almost start to feel sorry for his wife but who knows
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various witch stuff of the day or whatever the heck
#witch hat tag#orufrey#uhh yeah just getting some stuff out of the way haha i like the first one tho. i drew something that scares me#iguin must have been involved in qifrey's thing somehow. The Lidless eye..the sight of the world..i mean i think [redacted]#and he'll be [redacted] and [redacted] will be forced to... [redacted]???!?!!?#I want to keep my theories to myself.......or do i. not being a fandom person (other than dropping my art and leaving) means i just..#combust inside by myself with ideas and FEARS FOR THAT MAN.....CAN SOMEONE HELP HIM IM SO WORRIED IM SO...#CAN YOU LET SOMEONE HELP YOU#apparently tetia's expression in the last one is hard to understand =.= she's emotional bc she cant believe they remembered#the twin hat idea. and that she's so happy. i was thinking about how she was probably qif's first pupil so there must have been a time#where it was just her qif and oru... i DO think she is hinted strongly to be trans but even if not her mystery background is probably so sad#why would qifrey even become a teacher? his goal was the brimhats. but he keeps being distracted by kids with problem pasts so#he must have only been drawn to help tetia out of a deep sympathy. it seems at that point he and oru had drifted apart#did oru decide to be his watchful eye hearing about that or did qifrey ask him? he thought that qif had given up on brimhat stuff so..#*mumble mumble* lately i also keep remembering oru saying something UNREAL in kitchen like 'we're finally living under the same roof' ????#you can't just say that. what on earth. i..... whatever. i haven't even processed like 20% of my potential emotions about them#i feel so weirdly emotional today. i stopped thinking about witch hat for zuka even tho im SO hyperfixated it is genuinely PAINFUL to stop#i stopped just long enough to watch gatsby raku.... my haachan#i'm so grateful right now that i dont have any big issues in my life rn so i can get worried about manga men and sad about actors retiring#today at least i am extremely grateful. living and being alive is so so so so weird. i hope we all make it
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