#I haven’t seen any of the episodes since they came out really

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

When I watched OFMD this year, I literally knew three things:

It was called Our Flag Means Death

It was a pirate comedy

It had been cancelled

I didn’t know Rhys Darby (‘that Murray bloke from Conchords’) or Con O’Neill (‘the weird guy from Chernobyl’) were in it until they came on screen. And please don’t stab in me in the face, but I had never heard of Taika Waititi. I’m very much not the target market for this show. Although I will say I think it’s universal in its exploration of the human condition. So if you’re human, the show is for you.

I knew nothing about budget cuts, editing decisions, or even at this point any circumstances around why it had been cancelled. I had not an inkling it was a romance. I had no notion it was going to overtake my life to such an extent.

I watched one episode a night for 18 nights (I know, I know… I binge-watched it immediately afterwards over two days, and haven’t stopped since). I also had no-one to talk to about the show as I watched the 18 episodes. No-one I knew had ever heard of it. I really was a blank canvas.

And this is what I thought. Other than finding Calypso’s Birthday a little uncomfortable on first watch (and that’s largely because I find torture, even the OFMD variety, difficult to engage with - I always skip the opening of 206 now), I saw no difference between the seasons in terms of artistic merit. It’s possible that because I didn’t experience an 18-month hiatus, and build up my own version of what season 2 should be in my head, I didn’t have any expectations to be knocked down. I just engaged with what they asked me to watch.

I fell in love with this show at ‘My name’s Stede. I’ll be your robber here today.’ I fell in love with Stede Bonnet when he did his little Scrappy Doo air-punch in episode two.

With regard to season two, The Innkeeper affected me so much I honestly think it altered my brain at a structural level. More so than The Chain sequence which is when I think this show started affecting my brain chemistry.

I also loved the development of Stede and Ed outside of their personas. The couch scene in Fun and Games made me believe in them as a couple in ways I hadn’t quite in season one because they were growing and being real with each other. I thought their arguments were so well-written. Man on Fire has one of the most authentic representations of couple miscommunication I have ever seen on tv. And I think Mermen is really good in doing what it needed to do, and did it well. How do you end a tv series that gives a satisfactorily emotional ending, but doesn’t give away everything in case there’s another season?

Ed’s journey in particular just ripped my heart out and then glued it back together. And seeing Stede continue to develop his very nonlinear understanding of the power of his earnestness and gnc self, whilst still sometimes wrestling with notions of traditional masculinity… I needed to grow a second heart.

When I learned of the financial and time constraints later on, I was shocked they had achieved such a high standard of tv.

Imagine my shock when I discovered the Canyon…

It’s fine if you don’t like season 2, or season 1, or OFMD at all for that matter. But if you want me to say season 2 isn’t any good, or as good as season 1, then you want me to say something that I have never felt to be true. When you experience it holistically like I did, it all hangs together beautifully.

[sinnersweets]

DogDay x Reader part 5

<----- part 4, part 6 ——->

A/N: 2k words this time! Enjoy!!

As I laid in bed, I couldn’t seem to get DogDay out of my thoughts. I knew today would be a hard day for him since Darla was leaving Playcare. To him it probably felt like his kid was being taken away from him. The longer I started to think about it the more I thought about myself in his position. Yes, I’ve only been working there for a week but already I have a close connection with Damian. As I thought of Damian, I turned on my phone to see my lock screen. I changed it to the picture I took of his drawing yesterday. I looked at the time and saw that I had extra time before my alarm went off for work. I decided to head to the store and pick out a card for DogDay. 

--------------- 

Sitting in the cable car I started writing a heartfelt message for DogDay until on the TV a cartoon started to play. Odd. Usually music would play but this time I guess they wanted to change it up. “S-M-I-L-E every day!” I watched as the intro to Smiling Critters played out. I haven’t seen any of the episodes, but Damian did tell me about the show. I smiled when DogDay appeared on screen. He looked just like his cartoon version but tall and life like.  

“DogDay says ‘When you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours!’” The screen went black as the cable car came to a stop. That was a cute cartoon. I tucked the card away and stepped out of the cable car and headed to my office. 

--------------- 

I opened my door and saw DogDay was laying down on his bed looking sad until he saw me and sat up with a smile on his face. “Angel!” I shut the door behind me and set my bag down onto my desk. “Morning DogDay. Did you sleep well?” I went over to him and gave him a hug around his neck. He rested his head on my body and sighed. “Not really Angel. Anytime a kid from my group gets adopted I always get so sad.” I moved one of my hands behind one of his ears and started to scratch him there.  

DogDays tail started to wag, and he started thumping his foot. "No need for sorrow, let joy appear, with your Angel near, all troubles disappear." I sang out to him. DogDay pulled away and looked at me with such awe. “Did my Angel just sing for me?” I laughed a little nervously. “Yes?” I was quickly brought into a hug and could see his tail wagging faster. “I can’t believe I had the pleasure of hearing my Angel sing for me! Hearing you sing has made me feel much better.” I hugged him around his neck and laughed. “I’m glad to hear that.” He brought me back down onto the ground but his face was pretty close to mine. “Could you sing for me again Angel?” “Tell you what, anytime you’re feeling down I’ll sing for you okay?” “Okay!”  

--------------- 

Me and DogDay oversaw decorating the outside of Home Sweet Home for Darla, so we started with streamers. I was on the roof while DogDay wrapped some streamers around the railing. “Be careful Angel.” I heard DogDay call out to me. “Relax, I used to climb onto roofs all the time when I was little to see the sunrise; I’m a pro.” I saw him chuckle and shake his head. We both went back to decorating. 

After a while the house was decked out with streamers and balloons. “Looks great Angel! Now come on down so we can head into the Playhouse for today.” DogDay held the ladder steady waiting for me. I started to slide down to the ladder but then heard a notification from my phone. I went to go check my phone but felt that my phone wasn’t in my pocket anymore. I looked around and saw that it was just a few feet in front of me. “Hang on I need to get my phone.” I scooted back up and reached over to my phone. I picked it up and turned it over to see the notification but instead saw a little spider on the screen. “AH!” I dropped my phone so fast and started to scoot backwards as fast as possible. In doing so I scooted all the way to the edge of the roof and slipped off. “I gotcha Angel!” DogDay pushed the ladder away barely catching me in time. The weight of my fall and him not expecting to catch me made him fall onto the ground while I landed right on top of him. 

DogDay groaned as he sat up and rested his front paws behind him. My face was buried into DogDays chest. Thankfully when he caught me his pendant moved out of the way. “Are you alright Angel? What happened?” I pushed myself off his chest but was still sitting on top of him. “I’m so sosososo sorry! There was a spider on my phone, and I hate spiders- and I freaked out but I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” “I’m fine Angel. Glad that I caught you.”  

“Woah- Am I interrupting something?” Me and DogDay both turned our heads to see KickenChicken grinning down on us. I saw how I was sitting on DogDay and blushed super hard. I quickly got off him and brushed myself off. “Nononono we were just um- putting up decorations for Darla!” DogDay got up after me and stepped in front of me a little. “KC why aren’t you with your group?” DogDay sounded cheerful but also a little annoyed that he was here. “Relax DD. I have extra time to spare and was making my way to the school until a phone out of nowhere smacks me on the head.” In his hand was my phone. “Oh gosh I’m so sorry about that KickenChicken. Thank you for picking it up.” I went to go reach for my phone, but DogDay had taken it from him. 

It was silent for a few seconds before KickenChicken spoke. “Didn’t mean to interrupt your guy’s...uh thing...Welp I’ll go ahead and take my leave.” KickenChicken started to walk away before turning his head back and saying, “See ya later, Angel.” As he walked away, I heard DogDay start to growl. I put my hand on his paw, and he stopped and looked down at me. “Hey what's wrong?” “Hearing him call you Angel...it sounded weird coming from him. I didn’t like that.” Was he jealous? I couldn’t help but smile at him. “Don’t worry, hearing him call me that doesn’t give me the same feeling as when you do it.” I immediately froze up after what just came out of my mouth. 

I saw DogDays ears perk up and he smiled at me. “What did you say Angel?” I know he heard me but I didn’t want to repeat myself. I started feeling my face grow warm. “N-nothing! Come on, let’s go!” DogDay laughed and handed me my phone back. I looked at it and thankfully there wasn’t a crack on the screen. However, when I turned on the screen, I saw that my lockscreen had changed from the drawing to KickenChicken. That motherfu- 

--------------- 

“Alright friends gather around!” DogDay called out to the kids in the Playhouse. “As you all know Darla will be leaving Playcare today and she has requested that we play her favorite game one last time.” I could tell that he was starting to get emotional, so I spoke out for him. “Darla has asked that we play ‘tug of war’ so get into your groups and get ready to play!” The kids all cheered out and went into groups of four.  

The first teams walked up to the rope and got into position. Damian was on one side while Darla was on the other. DogDay lined up the center of the rope and tied a yellow flag to it. “Ready and go!” Both teams started pulling with all their strength. “Come on Darla you got this!” DogDay yelled out. Darla nodded her head and pulled the rope even harder to her side, leading them into victory. Damians team seemed upset but not him. He gave a thumbs up to her and she returned the gesture.  

Everyone soon had a turn, and we were about to clean up until Darla spoke out saying that she wanted one last round; her and DogDay vs me and Damian. DogDay seemed to like this idea and so all four of us headed to the rope and got ourselves situated. DogDay and I were in the back with the rope wrapped around our waists while Darla and Damian were stationed in front. I already knew that me and Damian would lose because DogDay was the strongest one here, but I didn’t want to lose. “Get ready to lose Angel.” DogDay said teasingly. “Ha, like I’d let myself lose to you. Come on Damian, lets win!” 

The children all watched and cheered each of us on as the game had begun. DogDay was just standing there smiling at us. The only time he would pull the rope was when me and Damian got close to winning. The flag was about to cross onto our side when Damian yelled out “Ok now!” Both him and Darla had let go of the rope and jumped away which meant I was about to get yeeted onto DogDays side. DogDay saw this and smirked and pulled the rope hard making me come towards him. I slammed into his stomach. I heard the kids all laugh at this. I looked up at DogDay and he had the biggest grin on his face. “I win Angel.” Click! We both turned and saw that Damian had my phone and took a picture of us.  

--------------- 

I sighed and fell into my chair at my desk. The going away party for Darla had just finished and I was worn out today. I rubbed my eyes for a moment before hearing DogDay outside my door. “Can I come in Angel?” “Yes.” I said while yawning. DogDay entered and shut the door behind him before walking over to his bed and laying down. He had just seen Darla off with her family and I could tell he was sad. I grabbed the card I had gotten for him and made my way over to him. “Mind if I join you?” “Not at all Angel.” I then sat against his side and handed him the card. “Here, for you.” The card read, "To my dear DogDay; As Darla embarks on this new chapter of her life, I understand that her departure leaves a void in your heart. The bond you shared was special and filled with countless cherished moments. But as she finds a loving home and family to call her own, let us take solace in knowing that her journey is one of hope, love, and endless possibilities. While her absence may be felt keenly, remember that the love and friendship you offered her were immeasurable gifts. Your kindness and companionship made her days brighter, and your memories together will forever be etched in her heart. As Darla embraces her new beginnings, may you find comfort in knowing that you played a significant role in her life's journey. And as one door closes, may countless others open, filled with the joy of new friendships and shared adventures yet to come. With love and understanding, Angel.”  

DogDay didn’t say anything, but I knew he was grateful for my card. He then had tears form in the corner of his eyes. “I think I need your singing now Angel.” He said while chuckling. I got up and climbed on top of DogDay and leaned down and started to scratch his ears. DogDay sighed and closed his eyes while his tail slowly wagged. I started to sing a little song for him. After a while I could tell that DogDay had fallen asleep. I stayed on top of him and pulled out my phone. I changed my lockscreen back to Damians drawing and changed my home screen to the picture Damian took of me and DogDay after tug of war. In the picture DogDay had his arms around my waist and had a soft look on his face while smiling at me. I was also smiling back at him with a small blush. I then went to my camera roll and deleted KickenChickens picture.  

A/N: Idk why but it wouldn’t let me color KickenChickens part yellow. Anyways thank you for reading!!

[cherryrikis]

BETTER LUCK TOMORROW - three ! breaking principles

pairing : nishimura riki x reader

synopsis : after being in the wrong place at the wrong time, you (as well as your friends), were framed for the death of your brother and disappearance of your boyfriend. you all had no hope. no job, no money, none of you were even allowed to graduate. at least, until a stubborn kid on a dance scholarship suddenly acts as your savior, riki helps clear your name all for the sake of a school project.

this episode contains the following : 0.5k wc, swearing, mentions of death, court dates, house arrest, violating parole, and juvie + jail

authors note - these last few days were so busy cz halloween, school, (and the dodgers winning the ws!!) all that stuff😭

previous | masterlist | next

the two stood in front of your house.

despite jungwon telling riki not to do so, he knew there was no point in trying to change his mind.

you weren’t hard to find, because they knew you still lived with your family (aka heeseungs old house). so riki didn’t hesitate to drive straight to your place.

but he did hesitate to ring the doorbell.

jungwon watched as riki reached out, before drawing his hand back every few seconds. he grew so tired of standing in the hot sun, until eventually pressing the button himself.

they expected your mom or your other older brother to answer, literally anyone but you.

“oh, jungwon? i was wondering who was at the door. well, wow. this is.. this is really awkward. you haven’t come by since the funeral.” you coughed.

“hi yn.” he smiled. “i know, it’s been a while.”

“whos this?” you ask, pointing your head in riki’s direction.

“what? seriously? i was one of heeseungs friends. i came around just as often as jungwon!” he exclaimed.

“im sorry, i don’t remember all of my brothers- i mean, heeseung. i don’t remember all of heeseungs friends. but, look. i get that it’s been a while since we’ve all met, but i think you guys should go.”

“wait yn!” jungwon called out right before you closed the door.

“don’t you wanna know why we’re here?” he asked.

you frowned slightly as you thought on the matter, before nodding your head.

“fine, go ahead.” you sighed.

“senior project. you remember, don’t you? for college apps-” “i never got to apply. i wasn’t even allowed to graduate.” you said sternly, cutting riki off. “you remember, don’t you?”

riki turned with wide eyes to face jungwon for an idea on what to say next, but jungwon only mouthed the words ‘hurry before she tells us to leave again’.

“we want to reinvestigate that issue before your next court date because-”. he cleared his throat aggressively as he carefully chose the next few words. “because we heard you violated your parole.” riki swallowed, but it wasn’t enough. his face fell as he watched your expression change.

“you’re saying you think you can solve my case for your final project? nice fucking try you two, but not even my lawyer could help me out as you can see here.” you scoffed, before sticking your leg out from behind the door, to point out the ankle monitor you wore.

“house arrest. huh.” riki muttered.

“it’s worth a shot. we might be able to prevent you from being incarcerated again. and clear any charges from your record if we can prove it wasn’t you.” jungwon stepped in, beginning to ramble.

“yeah. jungwons mom is an attorney! and his sister is studying law.” riki smiled. but, he paused when you raised your hand in a way that screamed the words ‘stop talking’.

“listen, as much as i appreciate the gesture, i think im the last person you want to free. everyone’s seen me as the person who killed her brother and boyfriend, for the last 3 years. nothing else. if you want answers, go interview one of the others who were framed. aeri got out around the same time as me.”

“but yn- you were lucky you only got juvie! even after you turned 18. if this next court session doesn’t go well, you could go into like, a real jail!” riki exclaimed with wide eyes.

“goodbye riki. nice seeing you jungwon.” you nod, before slamming the door in their faces.

“well that couldn’t have gone any worse.” he sighed.

“you know what, im going home. i still have that french exam to study for. but uh- i have some theories. i’ll see you around man.” jungwon huffed, patting riki on the shoulder before he walked off your front porch.

riki followed without a second thought, before they both eventually split ways.

taglist ! @jiiyen @prettiestgirlontheplanet @hannicorpse @wonsboo @murazbae @stilesks @soobinbunnie5 @blvengene @r1kification @gyuvision @goldenmellow @ariluvssssss100 @who-tf-soddhi @mmurazz @jaemified @strawberrieswithchocolateo3o @heartheejake @hoonsdrnkdzd @wonkixo @yangjungwonnie @tya0

[stagefoureddiediaz]

hi!! I’ve read and loved your color theory and costume metas for a while now. I know the 8x06 stills literally JUST came out like 5 mins ago, but do you have any initial thoughts on them? I thought maybe the black jacket Tommy was wearing while he’s frowning might’ve meant something, but I’m literally clueless about the topic. (What I’m trying to say is, what do you think of them?)

Hope you have a good day! Can’t wait for 8x06

Hey!

How lovely to hear that you enjoy my metas! 🥰

I have so many thoughts on the costumes I’ve seen in these stills!

Firstly - lots of yellow and blue theory going on in t his episode - its literally everywhere we look - the calls are all yellow blue coded from what we can see from the stills - the woman at the first call (which hI’m assuming is the divorcee one) is in yellow and blue, the man is wearing blue trousers and blue plaid patterning on his jacket and she stands in front of a very yellow/blue coded painting. Eddie is sat in front of blue parasols when he talks to Hot priest. The kid who goes into the well to rescue his brother is also wearing yellow and blue and the house they’re in front of has yellow walls, not to mention the tripod the 118 are using is yellow. I’m screaming a little bit about the fact that we have Buck and Eddie both inside the tripod as well - that is not something we see - ever - they’d always one of them on The outside of the tripod or they are both outside of it - and considering we last saw one in 704 - when they were both outside of the tripod and divided by a pole - it feels pretty significant to me!

Bucks brown jacket is making my eyeballs pop out of my head - the two directions of the stripes suggests confusion and the little triangles details where buttons would be feels significant as well, plus its a very orangey brown - which plays very nicely into my theory about the season being orange and brown colour coded - and we’ve seen Buck in far more orange and especially brown this season than we’ve ever seen him before - which I am very intrigued by and also excited for.

We also keep getting him in white shirts this season - it feels like something pretty significant is brewing for him - we’ve not really had the payoff for all the white shirts we’ve seen up to now and they have always meant Buck in danger before this season. I still think this holds true. I just think that we’re going for a build up to something significant for him - what that is I am not yet sure - It’s something I keep meaning to look at a bit more, I just haven’t had the time to yet!

Then we have Buck in green and Tommy in black.

The Buck in green thing is very interesting to me - the tee is slightly on the too large size - which is in keeping with how they have been dressing Buck this season - we’ve had the slow progression over season 7 of his clothes fitting him correctly for the first time since season 3 as he figures out he’s bi, and then as his relationship with tommy had its false start the clothes were ill fitting and then they fit pretty well - up until 801, since then, we’ve seen them generally be on the slightly too large side of things - suggesting that while he’s more comfortable in his own skin, things are still not quite a perfect fit - it’s interesting to me that generally speaking - if Eddie is in the scene then the clothes fit a bit better than if he isn’t! This green shirt is no exception - it’s slightly too big and it’s dark green.

The dark green matches the break up hoodies and jumpers of Ali and Taylor - its not quite the same colour - this one is more of a dark olive green where the other 3 are much more of a bottle green as you can see above - but I actually think this is a good and interesting thing. The most interesting thing is the progression of what Buck is wearing though. We have a zip front hoodie with a blue hood lining when Ali breaks up with him - and it’s worn over a black tee. Then we have a hoodie when buck confesses to kissing Lucy - the fact we go from two layers of clothing (visible) to one is in and of itself interesting the fact that we’re still in a hoodie though is an indication of the fact that Buck is still in a similar place to when Ali broke up with him - expecting Taylor to do the same with the hoodies symbolising self soothing - they are generally representative of giving ones self a hug! Then we move onto the knit sweater in the same green for the actual break up with Taylor - we’ve moved down from thick self soothing hoodies to a much thinner sweater and now we’ve made it to a t-shirt. It’s suggestive of Buck taking an increasing amount of control and confidence of his life and his relationships - and if they’re serving him - that he’s prepared to end things on his terms if he doesn’t think the relationships is worth pursuing because he is sacrificing too much of himself to stay in it.

I don’t think this is going to be the break up scene to be honest - I just think its going to be the scene that makes it clear that the relationship is on a time limit - that this scene will kick start things towards a break up! Part of my reason for that is because Tommy is in black and not in blue!

I do want to point out that behind Tommys head we have a new coat rack - replacing the bike Buck has had hung there before. The departure of the bike without brakes interests me - it again plays into the idea that Buck is more in control of his life - that it isn’t out of control and that he can put the brakes on things if he wants to. But I digress - what I actually want to point out is the fact that on the one side of Tommys head is a pair of jackets hanging up - one green and one blue, and on the other side of his head is a yellow ochre jacket. Now green/blue is the colours of break ups, but its also a colour way we see on Buck and Eddie a fair amount when they’re together - the previous episode is a perfect example of this. Yellow is also the colour of communication, but it is also Eddies colour - the one we’ve only seen him wear once - in the lasagne scene of 601 - those jackets are important. They are creating the idea that the Eddie of it all is always lurking and present in the background!

Tommy being in Black is a play on his general colour theming - he generally wears dark colours and black especially. Not all the time, but generally speaking. I’ll do an updated costume list for him if I have the time in the next few days as I’ve been keeping track of his costumes and it’s pretty telling about when he wears what colours. The shirt is very very similar to Eddies black shirts - the western style pockets and poppers - it’s just more washed out and faded than Eddies have been. This is a deliberate choice - to contrast him with Eddie and also with himself - the washed out nature of the shirt is likely intentional - the black shirt he wore in 805 was not washed out, so this suggests he is both a washed out faded version of Eddie, but also that he is fading out of Bucks life - its all subtle, but in combination, all these small things add up to help with the storytelling and are showing us that Tommy is not likely going to be around for too much longer!

The thing that I’m most fascinated about with the black shirt though, is the fact he is located in the same place we saw a Eddie sitting in 705 - when he talks about having to break up with Marisol, and also where Buck comes out to him. I’m really interested to see if we get a contrast between that scene with Eddie and this one with Tommy. A scene talking about a possible break up - and about just being friends and hanging with the boys and then showing Eddie being a super supportive friend seems like the perfect scene to use to continue to show the contrast between Eddie and Tommy. It perfectly builds on what We’ve already been seeing all season - this ever increasing space between Buck and Tommy and the very loud and clear way they’re are showing how much Buck and Eddie know and trust and accept one another in comparison with the way Buck and Tommy clearly don’t. It’s one of the things I enjoyed most about 805 - the way they showed Tommy only really going near Buck when othered we’re present - then the distance started to grow as soon as he took up residence on the couch overnight - here we have a scene where it appears we’re going to get the vast space of the kitchen counter between them - it parallels the first kiss scene from 704 as well - in the opposite direction - especially interesting as it places Tommy near the door - a place we’ve yet to see him near again since that first kiss in 704 - feels very much like we’re supposed to view it as him heading out of the door and out of Bucks life (remember they did a similar thing with Taylor in the build up to the break up and immediately after it!).

The other thing to point out is the brightness of the lighting - I know these are stills and so generally taken with a different camera and from a different angle, but the fact remains that the set is very brightly lit and it won’t darken that much with whatever filter they have on the camera, so the brightness of the loft when Tommy is there compared with when Eddie is there is pretty telling - the starkness versus the intimate low lighting - the coolness of Tommy versus the warmth of Eddie.

Hope this is interesting for you and that you enjoy it. I can’t wait to see how the scenes play out - How close to the money I am on things and getting to see what direction they’re taking things! Thanks for the ask!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hi sorry for bothering you but do you know if the Yuu in Savanaclaw novel is still Yuuya or is there a different Yuu? I've been looking around twitter but I don't seem to find anyone talking about that 😔

[Images in this post are from this tweet by Yana!]

The Savanaclaw volume of the TWST light novel only just came out a few hours ago (on August 25th) in Japan. That’s probably why you haven’t seen any details about it before now. I did find a thread with contains Yana's illustrations for the Savanaclaw light novel, so go check those out!) In the same thread, we get confirmation that Yuuya will continue to serve as the light novel's protagonist.

I’m sort of glad about this, since it means we can actually follow his character arc to completion; Yuuya also gets much more in-depth background and characterization (since we can see his thoughts) compared to the single-episode manga!Yuus, which we comparatively only know like a few facts about their previous lives. For example, Yuuken is part of a kendo team and supports his team members in their training. Yuuka went to an all-girls school and does judo. Yuuta helps out at his family’s Chinese restaurant and loves food. Okay… but what else?? We don’t really get to glean their thoughts, so this results in us not fully understanding how they feel, think, or react to what’s going on around them either.

Additionally, the manga!Yuus are sort of set up like they have no arc or growth to be had. Rather, they serve as foils to each OB boy (and have to be “not having the same flaws” by design to be the “good” mirror to them. Yuuya is, meanwhile, very clearly set up to improve over the course of the main story. He’s not a foil, but he doesn’t have to be in order to be a good protagonist. In this way, I can see the light novel following Yuuya’s growth as an individual who is meek and shy into someone who is strong and able to stand up for himself and others. The story would, then, be just as much as Yuuya as it if about the boys around him.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

rant/vent post bc im exhausted and my brain won’t stop buzzing about this:

you know i find it mildly infuriating that tim had time to address the karaoke scene debacle bc of twitter fans, but he doesn’t have time to addresss the fact that since the start of s7 there have been fans who have been spouting hateful rhetoric about poc cast/characters and sending death threats to other fans, crew members, and journalists for not supporting their lukewarm ship, and he also for some reason is trying to remain on this high horse of “representation” when that is probably one of the weakest character sexuality storylines i’ve seen, and not only that but he decided to make the entire second half of the season practically dedicated to the pain of poc, as well as exploiting racial stereotypes for cheap drama….. all of this while these fans are acting like this guy who came out of nowhere (something that has literally been admitted by tim) is somehow this holy grail of a character when his emotional range is less than the “😐🧍” emojis, and tim is simultaneously ignoring the hate and blatant racism from the fans, but also promoting and giving a storyline to a racist character— even going as far as to brush that racism under the rug narratively, as well as allowing the actor to rile up controversy and division amongst fans

this is why it is so hard for me to trust tim anymore because that man has not shown to ke that he actually cares about good storytelling, he just cares about money going into his pocket.

now, no i don’t believe he is out here DM-ing fans s8 spoilers because the man is a moneymaker not an idiot, so before you try to say anything about me saying i believe bree, i most certainly do not— but unfortunately i don’t trust tim to handle any of the storylines he’s set up for s8 well until i see it.

and most of all i feel awful from ryan and oliver who want nothing more than to tell such a beautiful story but they are constantly being mowed over by tim, by the network, and now by the fans… oliver really wanted to do something with buck’s story, and all it’s done is caused a group of batshit fans to spread hate to other fans for not jumping ship after 6 years. ryan is so exhausted of having to rehash the shannon shit every season even though we’ve been given plenty of evidence to show that he has moved on from her— this storyline wasn’t necessary (and especially not the way they chose to tell it).

and lastly— oliver and ryan have wanted the fans to be happy. they want buck and eddie to be happy. and right now, neither of them are in a narratively satisfying spot, and until the show actually cuts the bullshit and starts doing something with their storyline and not just exploiting it, I’m not gonna support it by watching. they’ve shown they don’t care about queer rep by making half of a popular ship canon by bringing back a former character who was literally racist and misogynistic just to serve a character arc, and haven’t gotten rid of him despite having an entire half of a season to do so. they’ve shown they don’t care about queer rep by giving the bisexual main character a sexuality arc that lasted 0.2 seconds narratively and had him end up with the first guy who kissed him, despite there being zero chemistry or build up to imply there were ever actually any feelings of interest. they’ve shown they don’t care about queer rep by once again putting the show’s two black queer women through the same storyline they’ve had before, rehashing their trauma once again in an arc that didn’t even carry over because it was mostly resolved after 3 episodes. they’ve shown they don’t care about queer rep by saying that they wanna “do the story naturally” if they make eddie queer, yet they ignore every opportunity they have to do do by (literally) digging up his ex wife at every turn despite having written numerous lines of dialogue in which he blatantly admits to not actually loving her romantically, and stating that their marriage only happened because she got pregnant.

season 7 had the potential to be something great. it turned out to be mid.

season 8 also has the potential to be something great. until it starts looking like it im not gonna waste my time, energy, or sanity forcing myself to watch- especially if they’re just going to continue the blatant fan service bullshit after telling buddie fans for 6 years that they “don’t wanna do fanservice”….. well what the fuck do you call this dumpster fire, tim?

we may get some more information once filming starts that will change my mind, but right now it’s really not worth it after spending 7 year watching this show to just continue to be spat on and slapped in the face by the creators.

sincerely, an emotionally and physically exhausted fan who just had a long day and desperately needs to take my anxiety meds and crash

[sootical]

Permanence

->Wilbur Soot x Reader (hinted but never explicitly stated) ->No use of Y/n ->I tried to be as gender neutral as possible.

*Hurt, minimal comfort, hopeful ending TW: Su*cidal ideation, Self destructive thoughts and actions, SH mentions/references, depression, lots and lots of depression. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK Summary: You are stuck in a multi-month long depressive episode, and it's gotten so much worse. You're on your last leg, and you need someone to help you. Good thing best friend(?) Wilbur and his band are there to help :] Word Count - 2.4k

Wilbur Soot. Twitch streamer turned famous musician, heartthrob—you get it. He’s everything anyone could want in a partner. Trust me, I would know. He’s been my best friend since form. And since then, he’s only ever been kind and considerate and just overall an amazing person. What a guy right? With his stupid brown hair that covers one of his eyes when it’s outgrown. Stupid brown eyes that have just the right amount of dark and light brown in them. It’s stupid of me really, to ever hope for a future with him that involves us being more than friends. I can only hope though, right? He’s up there, in the states, singing his heart out on a stage. While I’m stuck, on the other side of paradise–more like purgatory–lamenting on how many people adore him. I’m feeling sorry for myself, rotting away in bed at 2 in the morning. It’s not like I have to work in three hours–whaaaat nooooo… A knot develops in my stomach at the mere thought of leaving my bed. Maybe losing my job isn’t so bad. Wilbur has told me time and time again he’d pay me to edit for him. But I could never make him do that. Never would I take advantage of him like that. I’d feel like more of a burden than I already do. The thought of him having to support me financially makes me want to vomit. It makes my skin crawl, so it’s okay if I waste away. If I end up rotting away in my bed. It’s fine. At least then I wouldn’t be able to consume too much of Wilbur’s time. Taking up too much of his time has always been my biggest fear. To me, it came true a long time ago and I’m finally reaping what I sowed. It sucks really, how I thought I'd have a shot. Just for it all to blow up in my face. Now he’s somewhere in America–having the time of his life. Good for him. Bad for me.

Reaching over, I grab my phone. My coworkers probably hate me. I keep asking them to cover my shifts so I can rot in bed for another day. It’s been like this since–September? It started off just once every few weeks. Now, it being almost December, I’ve not gone to work in over two weeks. What’s the point anymore anyways? I can’t do this. I can’t do anything. Deep down, when I started doing things for myself–I knew I wouldn’t be able to do this. That was two years ago. I guess I’m finally breaking.

Pulling the duvet over my head, I try not to think about how my breath smells, and the uncomfortable way the oil sticks to my face. I shove my head into the pillow. Trying to block out the sounds of people existing below my apartment. It’s so much easier to rot away when people don’t rely on you. When you have no reason for existence. I don’t want to die. But at the same time I don’t want to live. I’m too much of a coward to do anything about it, so I lay and wait. I wait for some omnipotent being to strike me down and judge me for how I’ve managed to mess up any and all relationships I’ve ever had with anyone. Me and Nikki haven’t spoken in almost a year. Me and Wilbur haven’t even seen each other in months My family doesn’t talk to me.

I wish I could say “The world is fucked and everyone hates me.” But that’s not the truth. The truth is I am my own undoing. I have destroyed everything I’ve worked for. Any relationships–platonic and romantic–have fallen through because of my own emotions and insecurities getting in the way. It’s not fair for anyone. Well, anyone except for me. I brought this upon myself. My phone is the only thing lighting up my face. I looked at the time. Suddenly it’s six in the morning, and I’m late for work. The thought makes me want to cry, but I can’t. I can’t tell if it’s apathy—or dehydration. 

I call my boss. She answers. “Where are you?! I haven’t seen you in weeks! I’m worried about you hun, do you need me to call someone?” She opens, sounding both relieved and shocked I even called. I clear my throat the best I can, swallowing saliva feels like eating sandpaper. “I uh..I was calling to let you know I won’t be coming back. I’m quitting. And I’m sorry for not putting in my two weeks. It’s not–” Something foreign is bubbling up in my throat, I force myself to swallow it down. “-It’s not fair to you. And I’m sorry.” I whisper, hanging up shortly after.

I feel terrible for worrying her. I feel terrible for upsetting her. I feel terrible. I am terrible. I’m a parasite. I always have been. Mooching off of others in order to help myself get by. My thoughts fall back to Wilbur. I’ve been mooching off of him for however long we’ve been friends. I want him to be happy. I don’t want him to feel like he needs to be my friend to keep me alive. But at the same time–I can’t do this anymore. I can’t look myself in the mirror and tell myself it’s me. I can’t. I’m not the person I thought I’d become. I’m not the person I thought I was. I’m useless. My phone rings again. I go to decline it, I can’t. 

Wilbur’s face greets me. His contact photo, the two of us at the amusement park I helped them film for Tommy’s vlog channel. We’re smiling. His arm over my shoulder, and my head on his arm. I remember that day. Wilbur held me for a bit while Tommy and Phil were off filming a different part of the vlog with Russ. I was overwhelmed and so was he, so we took the time to chill by the snack stands. He got tommy cotton candy, and we split popcorn even though he couldn’t really taste it. We spent a good time just taking funny pictures with each other. I remember that day, it was a great one.

Tears breach my eyes before I can stop them. A sob ripping through me, I force my face into the pillow to muffle it. The ringing stops. My tears don’t, and that makes me feel so much worse. My chest convulses as my sobs reverberate through the room. I’m a mess. I’m laying in my bed, rotting. Wasting away and feeling sorry for myself. Everything is terrifying, every breath I take reminds me of how I’m alive. Reminds me of how I can’t escape the feeling of impending doom that washes over me. I’m going to die here. I’m going to die. I was never permanent. 

I knew I couldn’t do this. I’ve been lying to myself, little lies, white lies. To convince myself everything was okay. That it was fine for me to fall in love, it was fine for me to believe I wasn’t just taking up space. That I wasn’t slowly getting tired. 

Contemplating whether or not cut myself some slack–but ending up just cutting myself loose. I lift the duvet from my head, staring at the ceiling. My eyes flick to the ground, clothes and food everywhere. Some of it’s moldy. It makes me feel worse about myself. Turning my head, I look to my PC. I should sell it. Someone else would be much happier with it. I haven’t used it in a while anyways. I can’t take care of any of the stuff I have can I? 

My phone rings again, this time I do answer. 

“Oh my god–” I hear multiple people take a sharp breath in. I can’t stop myself from making a small noise of confusion. “Hey..Your boss–called us.” I recognize the voice to be Joe. I lift the phone, checking the caller ID. It was Wilbur again. “Wil—?” It hurts so bad to talk, I haven’t used my voice this much since the end of October. I hear a choked noise and whispers. “We’re gonna—come over there okay? The tour ended last night, no gigs for a while. Wil’s been missing you y’know.” I can’t tell who said that, “I–no. Sorry.” I don’t know why I said that. I don’t know why I hung up either.

Maybe deep down I did want them to help, I do want their help. But logically–It’s for the best.

I swing my legs over the side of my bed, cringing at how my clothes hang off of me. My back hurts something awful. I’m so tired. 

Yet I stand on two feet and walk to my bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t recognize them. My hair–too long and too oily for it to be mine. My skin is pale and the bags under my eyes are so dark they could rival a racoon. 

It’s then that my legs decide to give out. I can feel my knees split as I hit the tile. I’m so tired. I look down at the sweater I’m wearing. It’s one of Wil’s. I can’t remember when I put it on. I can’t remember a lot of things recently. Like when this got so bad. Or when my arms started to sting. My eyes are heavy, I can barely keep them open. Maybe a nap wouldn’t be so bad.

When I wake up it’s to voices around me. I’m laying on something warm–It’s moving. I can’t find it in myself to open my eyes. My breathing picks up, and I hear an intake of air accompanied by a hand on my forehead. My eyes are shooting open in fear before I’m trembling. He’s above me, looking down at me like I could break.

I look around, there's two other people. I can barely make them out. Joe and Ash. It’s hard to think. It’s so hard to think. 

“There you are..” Wilbur whispers, his pointer finger gently stroking my cheekbone. “What happened to you love?” I can’t tell if it’s his tone, or the fact he looks so broken. But I can’t stop my eyes from watering and my body from turning into him, hiding myself away. Embarrassment filled me, they’d seen it all. The moldy food, the dirty clothes. They probably saw the abundance of mail I'd gotten as well. People are walking out the room. Not Wilbur, he stays. He stays and makes me look at him. “Here’s what’s gonna happen, I’m gonna help you shower, and they’re going to clean and get you food. Okay?” My eyes widened. I shake my head so quickly it hurts. His face falls, he looks down at what I’m wearing. His face falls even more. “Love…” He whispers. “I don’t–I can’t. Don’t make me.” I whisper. Wilbur wipes away my tears and shakes his head. “No. You’re going to get clean, eat, and then you will sleep for however long you need to.” He lifts me like I’m nothing.

He sets me on the toilet, turning to the tub and turning on the faucet. He waits for it to get warm before he’s plugging the drain and helping me get undressed. He brushes the hair from my face, he frowns at the sight of the back of my head. He looks down at my arms before I can see him clenching his jaw. “We’ll work on the matts too.” He picks me up again, placing me in the tub and going to shut the door. He grabs a towel from the cabinet, as well as a washcloth. He swipes the comb from the counter.

“I’m sorry.” I can’t help but whisper. He sighs. “I know. But it’s alright. We were worried about you.” Was all he said before he’s dousing my hair in water. He keeps a hand on my forehead, stopping the water from getting into my eyes. And with that, he applies conditioner and starts to de-matt my hair. An hour and countless tub refills later, my hair is de-matted and I’m clean. Feeling slightly better too. Wilbur gave me the crewneck he was wearing for comfort, before planting a kiss on my forehead and leaving the room to grab other clothes. The sounds from the outside are a lot less foggy now. I can hear the boys outside bickering and talking. “Are they okay Wil?” “What happened?” “From your face, I can tell it wasn’t good.”

I can’t help but stand weakly, the towel wrapped around me. I look in the mirror. I look a little more like myself. I touch my face, I look pale. I am pale. My hair is a bit longer now. I don’t smell bad anymore. I do feel better, but I can’t help but think I’m making Wilbur do this.

Wilbur reappears, he looks at me and smiles. He hands me the clothing he picked out before leaving the room once again, though he stands just outside the door.

I dress quickly. Slipping on Wilbur’s crewneck once I have my shirt on. I walk out, giving Wilbur a small smile. “You uh–You didn’t have to do this.” He takes my hand and leads me through my now clean apartment. “I did. Because if I didn’t–If we didn’t, you’d be dead right now, or you’d have killed yourself soon.” He says, sitting me down at the table that’s been cleared off. “Now, be honest. When is the last time you remember eating something?” He asks. 

My face drops. That’s the thing–I can’t. “Uh–Tuesday?” I say, like I even know what day it is, his face falls. “It’s Friday.” He deadpans before going into the kitchen, he comes back with Ash, Mark, and Joe. They each have both in their hands. Wilbur has two.

“It’s just soup. Easy on the stomach.” Joe pipes up before sitting on my right, Wilbur sits on my left, and Ash and Mark sit across from me. “We don’t need to talk about things right now, no one is going to make you. But you need to talk to someone soon. Maybe not us, but someone.” Wilbur said, putting his hand on my knee. “Yeah. I think I can do that.” They smile, I eat my soup, and for the first time since September–I feel permanent. 

[agentnico]

Agatha All Along - season 1 (2024) review

Down down, down the road, down the Witches Road…

Plot: A spell-bound Agatha Harkness regains freedom thanks to a teen's help. Intrigued by his plea, she embarks on the Witches' Road trials to reclaim her powers and discover the teen's motivations.

I’m not going to waffle about my complaints with the current state of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I’ve already rambled on a substantial amount in my previous reviews regarding this subject matter, so let’s leave it at the fact that my opinion and thoughts have not changed. That being said, WandaVision was one of the few enjoyable projects in the post-Endgame MCU era, as it had that original and unique flavour with messing with different television formats, and additionally was interesting in how that show explored the effects of trauma and grief. Naturally due to its success, Disney being Disney and Marvel being Marvel meant a sequel or a spin-off was inevitable. In this case it’s Agatha Harkness, who was played with a lot of funky energy by Kathryn Hahn in WandaVision. As enjoyable as she was, I never considered her to need her own show. I guess really anyone can get their own Disney+ series these days!

Kathryn Hahn is the primary reason to watch Agatha All Along. She’s as enjoyable as ever, cackling and wincing her way through each episode, and it was entertaining to constantly question her moral code, if she’s a villain or if she was turning to the good side. Hahn is great, and I am so glad she’s getting the recognition snd good roles now. As for other cast members, they are okay. Joe Locke as the teen came off a little pretentious, and Patti LuPone was the only witch I actually cared about. Aubrey Plaza as the mysterious Rio ends up being exactly what you expect her to be, and though Plaza nails the sarcasm, it’s nothing you haven’t seen her do before.

In regard to the series’ style, it’s really campy. The trailers in my opinion promised more horror aspects which were not present in the final product, but my main complaint is with the show’s look. It feels cheap. From the costumes to the sets, the whole thing is reminiscent of a CW or SyFy show, and you can tell Disney is probably tightening their budgets following the backlash of recent releases. But with something like Marvel you still expect to see something of visually interesting style, especially as they are sourcing a lot of narratives from comics and graphic novels, which one would assume would inspire more colourful and memorable set pieces. Unfortunately this show doesn’t offer any of that. The best you get is some rip-off witch costumes from other Disney projects, which I felt was more so for Disney to show-off how much Hollywood they own.

As for the narrative, for the most part this show is dull. It’s a very repetitive concept where in every episode our witches take on yet another trial, and though some trials do stand out more than others (episode 7 where a character time-jumps using tarot cards was particularly memorable) as a combined package it meant that catching up every week with a new episode was at times a chore. The other infuriating factor was the endless foreshadowing. This show consistently would bash you over the head with clues of what’s to come, but the clues were so predictable that when the reveals finally did pay-off they were not surprising even remotely. Reminded me a little of that Walk Hard segment where the kid says “ain’t nothing bad gonna happen today” only for him to get spliced in two 5 minutes later.

Superhero fatigue is real everyone! It’s happening! I’m kidding of course, I’m still holding out hope that Marvel and DC will get back to their former glory, but evidently there is still a long ways to go. Agatha All Along didn’t do it for me, however I do admit that Witches Road song is a banger and has been stuck in my head ever since!

Overall score: 4/10

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Maybe I’m Not Scared of What You’re Thinking Of - Simon Lynch/Reader

Prompt: Don't you know what you mean to me?

Warnings: Gender-neutral reader, no use of Y/N, friends to lovers, slow burn, growing friendship, angst, hurt/comfort, brief canon-related mention of violence, kissing, fully clothed grinding, kindness and praise makes Simon cry ;w;

Wordcount: 14270

Summary: It's a complete coincidence that you meet him, and even though he's a little weird and there's an anger in him fueled by pain, you know that you might be all he needs to be defused.

Notes: It's Simon's turn! I have a lot of feelings about Simon!! As soon as I saw his episode my heart went out to him a lot, he's so me-coded (aside from y'know the homicide lmao) and he really only needed someone to believe in him, so here's a whole ton of words about you doing just that QwQ I've also decided that this will be his own continued world like I did with Joshua, so any future stuff will take place during or after this~

You really regret accepting this blind date after the 30th straight minute comes and goes, your date still talking about himself on his side of the table.

He came highly recommended from your mother, the son of a friend of a friend of a co-worker, and it’s clear she did no actual research on him since you have nothing in common. You just keep smiling and sipping at your drink of choice, his words falling on deathly bored ears as he keeps trying to pitch his business to you, something about a private server for paying customers to get his advice or some dumb shit you haven’t seen a million times before. Sometimes you wished you’d been born in the past when things were simpler, because any idiot with a podcast and access to the internet always came to the same conclusion that they could be the Next Great Thing, and this guy definitely does not have what it takes.

He’s about to write down his contact info so you can check out his server right now, right in the middle of your date, his food cold in front of him as he just keeps choosing to talk instead of eat, and you just stare at him tearing off the paper to hand to you as you pray your souring expression isn’t giving you away too much. ‘Uh, sorry, I don’t have Facsimile,’ you lie as he holds it out to you, but it doesn’t dissuade him as he then says it’s super easy to sign up, he’ll help you. ‘No, I mean I’m not one for all these chatting apps, I prefer some good, old fashioned talking,’ you continue, another lie although not quite as much, for while you do prefer talking face to face, hence the date, you had so many chat apps on your phone to keep in contact with everyone that they had their own page on your home screen.

‘It’ll be worth it, trust me, I already have a bunch of guys giving their own presentations on my server, I’ll even give you a free week’s trial to check everything out, whattaya say?’ he asks, clearly more interested in expanding his brand than making any sort of actual connection with you, and this time you let your face scrunch up in pained awkwardness.

‘Yeah, it’s gunna have to be a no, sorry,’ you cringe, and his smile slowly falls as he crumples up the paper and stuffs it inside his expensive name brand jacket, obviously bought to show off to everyone how ‘successful’ he was.

‘Fine, no it’s fine, I just thought you were smarter than that,’ he grumbles just on the border of passive aggressively, your eyebrows rising as your opinion of him somehow manages to drop even lower. ‘You figure you give someone a chance to get in on the ground floor of something because you think you’re vibing, but I guess it was just me.’

‘Uh…’

‘How is everything?’ The small voice draws your attention from him as you look up to your savior, your eyes just going higher as the person towers over you, even when he’s hunched over a bit to take up as little space as possible as his co-workers pass by him to get to the other tables. Your mouth falls open a little bit as your eyes meet, long bangs just barely swept to the side to reveal dark brown irises that almost appear black focusing only on you as he ignores your date, and you forget to answer as the man across from you answers for you.

‘We’re doing great, just fantastic, thanks buddy,’ he growls, now eating his food as quickly as he can so he can get away from you. ‘If you could hurry up and grab the checks though that would be even better.’

‘Is there anything else you’d like? More water, or a refill?’ He completely ignores the other man as he focuses on you, which pisses him off even more, and you join in on that as you smile politely up at him.

‘Everything’s perfect, although I could go for a refill, thank you,’ you tell him, and he gives you a nod without once acknowledging your date, who’s already gotten out his wallet and is looking up the prices of the bar on his phone; he pulls out enough to cover the meal but passes over his beer and the tax, because that’s too much work to calculate it even with his phone in hand, and he gets up and sarcastically wishes you a nice life as he bails, the silence a nice change as you continue eating alone. Your server returns a short while later with a new glass and the checks, and when he sees the money left behind he puts two and two together.

‘I take it I’m not getting a tip from him,’ he figures, and you laugh into your glass, almost spilling the liquid all over the table as you try not to choke.

‘I doubt you would’ve anyway, he was a prick,’ you admit, which makes him smile, and you decide his smile is actually quite nice as he starts clearing the other half of the table. ‘Hey, uh, would you wanna sit with me? Just for a little, it’s kinda embarrassing to eat alone after that disaster.’

He glances at the freshly vacant seat before looking around, and he leans over to lower his voice, his eyes on the table as he speaks. ‘I should really get back to work,’ he whispers, but you gesture in front of you in a welcoming manner, and he follows your hands before sitting and hiding his apron behind his arms, the nametag of Simon just barely peeking out before it’s covered up.

You flash him another smile before getting back to your lunch, it’s amazing how listening to someone that incredibly annoying can really kill the appetite in the moment, and he tries not to watch you as he makes sure he’s not about to get in trouble. You finish off your first glass and start on the second since you did ask him for it, even if it was an excuse to ignore your date initially, and you catch the way his eyes watch your exposed throat as you tilt your head back; unlike the other person sitting there previously you don’t feel objectified, or like you were a piece of meat to devour after the sell was over. It’s refreshing, and you offer him your plate in case he might want something to eat before his break, but he refuses, of course he would.

He keeps his eye on his watch but never gets up, and as you pop a fry into your mouth you can’t help but want to talk to him as he meets your eye and looks away immediately after for the third time in a row. ‘You work here long?’ you ask to start, and it’s a lame start, but just the fact that you wanna hear about him has him leaning forward in his seat before he controls himself, sits back again.

‘Just a few years, this is actually my second job, I mainly work with Data Waste,’ he tells you, his voice getting away from him for a moment before he lowers it again; it’s obvious that no one asks about him often, just this small amount of attention enough to make his face light up in a way you don't see often anymore, at least not when you talk about work related things.

‘So, you waste all the data?’ you joke, and he leans in again, the plate pushed aside as he fights to keep his voice under control.

‘No, it’s really interesting actually, I get access to all the trashed data in the city, sift through it to find anything incriminating or important, things that were lost or gotten rid of, delete anything useless; my co-workers think it’s pretty boring, but you can’t imagine the things I’ve seen on some people.’ He stops, realizing he’s about to violate his NDA, and you chuckle as he looks around again like he expects his boss from his other job to suddenly appear and fire him.

‘Sounds exciting, you ever see anything on me?’ you can’t help but ask as you lean in as well, and there’s a slight dusting of pink on his cheeks as he sits back again.

‘I dunno, I’d need to look up your name,’ he answers honestly, and you smirk at his reply.

‘Pretty smooth way to ask for it,’ you tell him, and when he stutters out that he wasn’t you just laugh and grab the check so you can see your total. You pull out your card so you can pay, and you’re in the middle of reaching for your ex-date’s check as well so you can cover the rest when he stops you.

‘I’ve got it, you don’t have to deal with trash like him, that’s my job,’ he jokes back, and when he hands you his card reader you make sure to leave a large tip from the both of you. You hand it back and his eyes go wide, he can’t accept this, but you just flash him your most charming smile and hand him one of your business cards from your wallet, something you printed up years ago but rarely got to hand out since most people used electronic cards nowadays.

‘It’s for making me laugh, today would’ve been pretty shitty otherwise,’ you admit as you stand, and when he stands with you you can see that he really is tall. 

‘Okay, well… if I find anything I’ll give you a call, then? Just so you know what people are deleting about you on the internet,’ he offers, and you hold out your hand to shake his as your expressions softens.

‘I’d like that.’

It’s been a week and a half since your lunch date gone wrong but also surprisingly gone right again, and you’re at home working on a project when an unknown number lights up your phone. You frown at it before clicking into the chat and seeing a bunch of strange messages before the stranger clears things up.

ur sqky clean no trash on u sry it took so long was busy this is simon sry from the bar from last week sry

You smile fondly as you type in a quick reply, your phone lighting up again as he answers fast, he must’ve been waiting with baited breath on the other side. You add his number to your phone and answer back, another quick reply getting you to decide to take a snack break as you bring your phone to the kitchen. The more you chat the more he sees that he doesn’t have to use shorthand, his words lengthening and becoming more proper until you’re wondering if maybe he’s trying to find the perfect mix that won’t annoy you. Eventually he settles on a mix like you do, and you get comfy on the couch with your snack as you turn on the TV and find something to watch.

It’s hard to find things sometimes, you’ve had this older model for years and it isn’t compatible with every streaming platform’s updates anymore, which you think is dumb, but the thing works and you don’t wanna shell out money just to be able to watch whatever new reality show everyone’s talking about as it airs. You stick to your playlist of favourite movies and shows again, settling on one you’ve already seen a million times so you can chat without needing to pay attention.

After a half hour you add each other to Facsimile so you can chat more openly without wasting data, his username of 4LM0ST-HUM4N making you snicker as you check out his profile, but it’s bare apart from his age, which is around yours, and his full name, his last name being Lynch. You can’t help but look him up since you already knew he’d done the same to you, and all you can find is a dating profile on a site you’d heard about but never used.

‘“Shy and looking,”’ you say out loud to yourself as you read his info, and you sink a little further into the cushions as his unfortunately off-putting but also undeniable cute profile picture stares you directly in the eye; you can tell he took it alone, he’s all washed out in the glow of his computer instead of from the room’s overhead or any natural light, and you almost want to call him out on it and help him try again, maybe he might get some matches that way.

You don’t mention the profile as you keep chatting, and before you know it the next movie is autoplaying, your battery low with how long you’ve been on your phone. You figure it’s about time you get back to work as you tell him about the situation, and he agrees, he’s also been putting off work, and you wish him a good night, adding in, ‘That data’s not gunna waste itself.’ He sends you a bunch of laughing emojis before changing his mind and editing the message so there’s only one, to which you give him one back, and he starts typing something else but stops. You wait but he never starts up again so you leave it be, your phone charging out of reach as you get back to work.

Now that you’ve been reminded that he exists and you find his company quite pleasant, you take a ride to the bar on your lunch break the next day, keeping your eye out as casually as you can until you see him clearing a table nearby. You wait until he’s done before waving at him to get his attention, and his smile is so big that it makes him self-conscious as a group of people pass him by, it faltering as he gets out of their way. He takes his dishes to the kitchen and quickly returns to take your order, and even though you’re sitting at a table and a menu is in your hands, you surprise him when you ask him when his break is instead of telling him what you want to eat.

‘My break?’ he repeats back to you, like he doesn’t understand the question.

‘I just figured you might want to eat somewhere you don’t work,’ you simply say, and he glances at his watch to check the time.

‘I get off in 15, but we can eat here, I don’t wanna take up your break by traveling,’ he offers, but you just shake your head and set the menu down.

‘I work from home, I can take as long as I want,’ you tell him, and it’s not exactly a lie since you do have some things to for sure finish today, but losing an extra hour to hang out with your new friend seems like a pretty good tradeoff honestly. He accepts your answer and goes back to work with a shy grin, and you patiently wait at your table until he returns, a brown hoodie slung over his arm and his apron left behind. 

You get up and follow him out to the street where he gets ready to hail a cab, and thanks to your convo from last night you already knew he didn’t drive, but you don’t want him to waste any money when your car was in the parking lot. You direct him to it, and in your head you can hear your mother warning you about letting strangers into your vehicle, but apart from being a little weird he has yet to give you any red flags or warning signs, so you unlock the door and hop in.

‘There’s this place downtown that’s pretty good,’ he says as soon as he sits down, and you try not to giggle when you see how his long legs don’t really fit in the space as he tries to find the seat adjust nonchalantly. ‘They mostly do burgers, but their menu is loaded with stuff, you just need to know what to ask for.’

‘I take it you know?’

He glances at you, his hand stilling momentarily as it's wedged between the door and his seat, and when he does find the button he lets out a noise of surprise as his chair suddenly shifts backwards. ‘Yeah, yeah I go there a bunch, I think I’ve tried almost everything so far.’

‘Why not get a job there instead of here if you like it so much?’ you ask as you start the engine, and he looks down at his lap in response.

‘Cause I- I actually didn’t apply to be a waiter,’ he mumbles, your head turning towards him as you pull out onto the road.

‘Did you wanna work in the kitchen or something?’

‘I wanted to be a bartender, actually, but they needed a server, so that’s what I landed on,’ he explains, and when you go to ask for the name of the place he just directs you down the street, ignoring the GPS entirely. ‘It’s actually been a little dream of mine to open my own place, but starting a business is expensive, and saving up is a little hard even with two jobs, city living isn’t cheap.’

‘You could try for a loan?’ you suggest, but he just shakes his head.

‘I dunno… going that far would make it real, y’know? I don’t think I’m ready for it yet.’ He points to the left as he speaks so you hit your blinker and turn, this is a part of town you’ve never been to before.

‘You could always try, and if it doesn’t work out then I’ll keep cheering you on until it does.’ He’s looking at you like your words are about to make him cry, and he’s so preoccupied with you that he nearly misses the restaurant, your brakes screeching down the thankfully empty road as you back up and turn into the parking lot. You’ve never even heard of this place but the lot is almost full, and you manage to find a spot before he’s getting out and waiting for you, the chill of the fresh, spring air making you both shiver and hurry inside.

The place is warm and cozy, the smell of food instantly making you hungry even though you were feeling pretty okay just moments ago, and he smiles at you before you seat yourself and wait to be served. A large menu is placed in front of you and he was right, it is mostly burgers first and foremost, but as you turn the pages and see everything else available you feel your mouth water. You look up to ask what he recommends just in time to see his eyes disappear over the top of his own menu, and you grin and decide you can’t beat the house special, which is a double bacon burger with everything on it. He orders the same as soon as you tell the waitress, a big plate of loaded fries to split as well as onion rings added as well, and when you’re left alone again you rest your elbows on the table and get his attention.

‘How long have you been coming here? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone talk about it before,’ you admit, and again his eyes shine when you ask about him.

‘Most of my life, I used to live around here when I was younger so this was our go-to place when we wanted to eat out,’ he explains lively, and he looks around and gestures towards the decor. ‘It was different back then, they did a rebranding back in the early 2030s, changed the name and everything, but I still call it by its old name whenever I recommend it.’

‘What was the old name?’

‘The Hotel.’

You laugh, your hand covering your mouth as you try to keep it down. ‘I bet that might’ve caused some confusion,’ you chuckle, and he nods.

‘Oh yeah, I always have to correct myself,’ he agrees with his own laugh, the two of you still going even as your drinks are dropped off. You sip at yours, taking in everything and wondering what the place looked like back then when he stretches out and accidentally bumps your knee with his own; he quickly says sorry as he tries to retreat back to his side of the table, but you tell him it’s okay, and your reassurance makes him balk, like he’s been told off too many times for similar occurrences.

‘So, tell me, why do you wanna open your own bar?’ you quickly ask before he can shut himself off from you, his shyness returning and looking more like anxiety as he clearly gets in his own head about something so small.

‘Well, it’s just something I’ve always wanted to do, like I love the atmosphere, everyone coming together for a little while to share the space and a few drinks, it’s a good place to forget about your troubles for a bit.’ His eyes are on the table as he fiddles with the brown paper covering, your glasses creating dark rings where they’re set down on it.

‘You can say that about a lot of places,’ you add, and he agrees, but his eyes meet yours as he tries to get you to understand.

‘I know but there’s just something special about it, if your customers come there enough it can become familial, you can make bonds with people, offer them an ear when they’re sad, share in their laughter when they’re happy… I guess I’ve just always wanted to be a part of something like that.’ He looks back down again, the paper tearing and making him stop, now picking at his nails instead.

‘It sounds like you wanna connect with people, you don’t need a bar to do that,’ you say softly, carefully in case he might take offense to it, but he doesn’t, just shrugs.

‘I know, but… I still think it would be fun.’ His eyes meet yours again, and there’s something behind them as you look between them, something lonely that you haven’t seen in them before. You wonder then how long it’s been since he’s been here with someone, if his family still met up with him here, but based on his eyes you think you know the answer.

‘Well, if you do ever open that bar, then I expect free drinks for life as your first customer,’ you tease as you hold up your glass for a promising toast, and your faith in him makes his eyes look a little less lonely as he raises his own and taps the rims together. You drink as your waitress comes back with your food then, and it looks even better than the picture as you grab on tight and take a big bite. It’s the biggest burger you’ve ever eaten but it might also be the tastiest, the toppings sliding against your palms as you try to hold it all together, and you can see him having just as much trouble with his own. You laugh again and take another bite, your conversation moving onto more cheerful things as you eat, from family stories to complaints about work, bad dates to how your week was going, your overbearing but well-meaning mother to his absent father, but he isn’t as upset about it as he used to be as you sit with him and listen, he confesses. 

You douse your half of the fries in ketchup as he dips his own in ranch, and he has more onion rings than you do before you realize it, and when your plates are empty and your glasses hold nothing but melting ice you finally look at your phone and realize you’ve been there for over an hour. ‘Shit, I need to get back,’ he panics as he stands, and you wave over your waitress as you both get out your wallets.

‘Hey, I got you covered, can you go start my car?’ you tell him as he searches for the card he wants to use, but he can’t accept that, even more so than the tip from last week. ‘I insist, this was a much better date than my last one,’ you say with a wink, and he fumbles his next words as you toss him your keys. He rushes out with flushed cheeks, and you instantly let your emotions show on your face as you mentally ask yourself why the hell you actually said that as you pay.

You run out as soon as you’re done and speed off back to the bar, the car quiet until you say your goodbyes, and you watch him go until he disappears through the double doors with a small wave.

It becomes a bit of a thing for you two as you meet up for lunch every Friday after that, with you trying something new at his recommendation each time, and after around 7 weeks of this he flashes you the biggest smile as you sit down at your usual table, Simon already seated and waiting. ‘What?’ you ask, his smile spreading to you, and he holds out his phone to show that he had an appointment with the bank on Monday. ‘Oh my god, are you-?’

‘I’m doing it.’ He’s practically bouncing in his seat, only stopping when he bangs his knee off the metal support and makes the table shake, his excitement so strong that you could probably start bouncing as well if you were to be completely honest with yourself.

‘That’s amazing! Do you need a ride? We can go together, it’s after your shift is done, right? Or should I pick you up at your place?’

‘I-’ His smile falters a bit but he pushes it aside, and it feels a little forced as it returns. ‘I’ve got a ride covered, but thank you. Maybe we can meet up at the bank when it’s over? I can text you, if you’d like.’

‘I’d love that, I’ll be sure to work extra hard so we can celebrate the night away.’

Everything goes quiet as you realize what you’ve said, since while you have been texting almost daily you still have yet to hang out outside of your lunch dates; you’re not even really sure if they could even be called that seeing as, apart from you calling the first time that as a joke, neither of you actually confirmed there was anything more than friendship going on between you. Still, you both take it seriously as your usual waitress approaches to take your orders, and neither of you bring it back up again after she leaves.

‘I’m really proud of you, Simon, this is a big step you’re taking,’ you do say to break the silence, and when he looks at you you can swear he’s about to cry again; it actually hurts in a physical way whenever you see that, and you curse whoever beat him down enough to have this be his default reaction whenever you give him any kind of compliment or praise.

‘I don’t think I could’ve done it if you hadn’t cheered me on, might’ve found more excuses to put it off.’ He looks so vulnerable in this moment, his hands clasped on the table in front of him, and you glance down at them and nearly reach out to grab one when he continues. ‘Actually, because of you, I kinda started paying attention to my old LoveMatch account, turns out I got some messages when I was offline.’

Your smile freezes on your face as you unexpectedly go cold, your reaction to his words catching you off guard as talking becomes hard. ‘That’s… that’s wonderful news, anyone catch your eye?’ you finally ask, and he goes pink as he shakes his head.

‘Not yet, I didn’t get many but I still wanna check them all out, see if maybe my soulmate is one of them. Wait, that’s kinda desperate, isn’t it? I don’t actually think my soulmate is on some random dating site but… it’s nice to imagine, right? It’s like you said, I- I just wanna connect with someone.’ He’s looking only at his phone as he talks, scrolling through the unopened messages still waiting for him, and it feels like you’re watching the conversation from afar as your ears start ringing, your hands shaking as you try to figure out why you’re feeling this way.

He’s cute, you can’t deny that, and you enjoy his company a lot, but you haven’t thought about an actual relationship with him until this moment, when it was made apparent to you that that wasn’t what he wanted. And now that he was considering someone else, picturing a life with someone else, you know that you wanted to be with him, not in a casual, Friday lunch date and daily chats kind of way, but in the way where you’d visit him on his off hours or you’d bring him to your place, where you could have a nice dinner, watch movies together, no more table between you as you curl up against him or have him lean against you. You could hold his hand, and he could tell you about how his day at the bar, his bar, went and about all the new people he met, and when he was done you could cup that enticingly strong jaw of his and angle his face up to yours.

‘Are you okay?’

You blink and your vision blurs, and you quickly sniff and search your pockets for your travel-sized bottle of emergency ibuprofen. ‘Yeah, yeah I’m good, allergies are just acting up again, gunna go blow my nose and take my meds real quick before this gets gross,’ you lie with a fake smile, making sure he can’t see the label before you run off, and he buys it completely before going back to his messages. You don’t let your facade crack until you’re safe in the bathroom, the weight of how much you had fallen for him without realizing making your knees buckle, and you lock yourself in one of the stalls as you desperately try to push down the fact that he would never feel the same.

You’d managed to keep it together as you finished your lunch get together - not date, never date - but you spend the rest of the weekend moping around your apartment after that, your eyes on your phone as you lay on the couch and watch some old favourites to cheer yourself up, but each time he leaves you a message you feel your heart ache and it always takes a while before you can answer back. You give him the excuse of being a bit behind on work so you can’t chat much, and he was fine with that because he was gathering up the courage to message a couple people back, see if there were any sparks, and you have to ignore your phone entirely as you bury your head in the couch pillow and yell.

Before you know it you’re waking up where you’d fallen asleep, the TV going through the night and the sunlight streaming through the wall of windows to the right of your couch, the brightness rousing you from your restless dreams. You reach limply for your phone but the battery died during the night, and you groan and stumble over to your desk so you can charge it. As soon as it comes back to life you see that it’s much later than you thought thanks to your alarm never going off, and you find a bunch of messages waiting for you.

‘Shit! Shitshitshit!’ you swear when you see that Simon had asked you to wish him luck before his meeting, and you’re already a half hour late to reply but you do anyway as you fully push aside all your feelings to wish him all the luck you possibly can. He doesn’t answer back, because he’s obviously in the meeting, and you end up too nervous about it to eat as you let your phone charge. Instead you skip straight to getting ready for the day, having a quick but much needed shower after your weekend-long mope session. As you dry your hair you then find something nice to wear that you secretly hope he might like, some part of you overcoming the misery to hope that if he’s ready enough for a relationship to use LoveMatch again then maybe you could have a chance, and that hope fuels you as you race back to your phone to see if he’s done yet.

you dont need to pick me up taking a cab home see you friday

Your hand reaches up to cover your mouth as dread fills you then, and you quickly call him, unplugging your phone so you can sit down. ‘Simon, where are you?’ you ask the moment he picks up, and all you hear is the sound of traffic before a small sniff is picked up by his phone’s mic.

‘Don’t come, I just wanna get home right now,’ he tries to tell you, but your body is moving when you hear his small voice, how broken he sounds, your keys in your hand and a pair of flipflops that definitely aren’t weather appropriate yet on your feet so you can be out the door faster.

‘Are you still at the bank? Which one is it, I’m heading out right now.’

‘Please…’

‘I’m already in my car, where am I going?’

The resulting silence to your insistence stretches on for so long that you’re about to just try every bank in town until you find him when he gives you the address, and you know the one exactly as you speed off towards it. You arrive about ten minutes later, and you’re scanning the area when you see him huddling from the wind in the alley, his hood up and people giving him cautious glances as they pass. You roll down your window and call out to him, and when he finds you through the gap you can’t help but let out a noise of pain when you see his face; he’s been crying, you hadn’t been able to see because of his hood, but now you can see that his cheeks are damp and his eyes are red, and you hurriedly unlock the passenger door and motion for him to come over.

He hesitates a moment before wiping his cheeks and jogging over, people bumping into him with how busy the street is, but he doesn’t do or say anything even as he gets a couple insults along the way. He opens the door, sits down, and as soon as you ask where he wants to go he hides his face in his hand and starts crying again. You reach out to touch his shoulder but he pulls away, he needs space, and you don’t try again as you drive back to your place.

‘I don’t know why I thought I could do this…’ he mutters to himself as you drive, and the lump in your own throat is so thick that it hurts as you try to swallow it down. You pull back into your parking lot and he finally notices that he doesn’t know this place, and you don’t shut off the engine as you turn back towards him.

‘You don’t have to tell me about it, but I’d like it if you came up with me, please,’ is all you say, and another tear rolls down his cheek before he’s nodding, following you to the front doors. Your place is pretty high up but the elevator ride isn’t awkward as he stuffs himself into the corner opposite of you, where you can’t see him as easily. You reach your floor before you know it so you lead the way to your apartment, and when the door opens and you set your keys back down on the small shelf nearby he takes everything in with an even sadder expression, which isn’t the way you were hoping it would go at all.

‘You- you have a nice home,’ he just says, and before you can thank him he’s already turning back for the door. ‘I shouldn’t have come up, I’m sorry, you shouldn’t talk to me anymore, I’ll leave you alone now-’

‘Whoa, wait, where did this come from?’ you need to know as you stand in front of the door, and he goes to move you aside before pulling back, he doesn’t even want to touch you. ‘Simon, I know I said you didn’t have to talk about it but- what happened in there? Why can’t I talk to you anymore?’

‘Because I’m-’ He flinches away from you as his voice rises, frustration apparent among the sadness, and he leans against the wall with a dull thud. ‘I was accepted into the police academy a few years back, before I got my job at the bar; I was training to be on the bomb squad, I thought my knack for technology could help save lives, and I practiced really hard, learned to disarm nonlethal devices I built myself to show them I could do it, that I could be useful to them.

‘But when they learned I’d been building things they thought I was doing it for the wrong reasons even though there was no danger to them, like I was going to learn how to build actual bombs next using the training I received; I was just learning how to cut the power without setting anything off, I was using fucking coloured lights to do it, there were no explosives on my devices at all! But it was enough to make them think I was a danger to everyone, and they forced me to take a psych exam which I then failed by their standards. I was kicked out of the academy, lost my job when the psych eval was sent to them the following week, even lost my apartment when my landlord got word of everything, this one mistake got me evicted in the middle of winter-!

‘And the guy I talked to today heard about it too, read about all of it when they researched me to see if I was deserving of it, do you know what I heard him say to his supervisor when he thought I was out of earshot? He- he called me “unstable,” and fucking “unqualified” when I told him how much I make a year, like he didn’t trust me to pay it back, like I was a failure before the bar even opened, and maybe he’s right, maybe I am a failure, I shouldn’t have tried, I shouldn’t have fucking tried-!’

He spins and punches the wall he was just leaning against and you tense up, your eyes shutting on instinct at the crash of his knuckles through the drywall; it’s the first time you’ve seen him angry like this and it scares you, but as he pulls his hand back and looks at his bloodied knuckles you feel no fear, just sadness.

‘I’m sorry, shit, I’m so sorry,’ he apologizes under his breath, hissing as he flexes his fingers, his hand shaking from the pain, and it would be so easy to end it all right there, kick him out too and never see him again after what he’s just told you, just done, but you can’t as you take him gently by the arm and lead him to your couch. You sit him down and go off to find your first aid kit, some big and overly full thing your mother made you buy when you first moved to the city, and you’re thankful for it now as you pull out the unsealed bottle of healing spray and spritz it against his torn skin a couple times.

For once you love the future as he heals, and while he’s fine now you can’t help but take out the gauze and wrap the area next just to make sure, your fingers resting over the fabric and the back of his hand as you hold him in place. ‘You’re not a failure,’ you murmur, and he tries to pull away again but you don’t let him. ‘What happened to you… it really, really fucking sucks, and none of it was fair, but… it doesn’t make you a failure, we can just try again until we find someone who can help you get that loan.’

‘I don’t even want it, not after today.’ There’s not a single trace of a lie in his words, he’s giving up, and you want so badly to hold him but you can’t. ‘It’ll just happen again, this black mark on my life will just keep following me, why even try?’

‘Because it’s your dream, remember? You told me you wanted to connect with people, no one should be able to take that from you.’ You’re moving closer to him, slotting yourself between his legs as your knees hit the bottom of the couch, he can’t run from you like this, but it’s like you’re invisible to him in his misery.

‘But they already did.’

You let go of his hand and get up, throwing your arms around his neck in a tight hug, and he lets out a sound somewhere between surprise and relief as he’s pressed into the couch; you’re practically in his lap like this, and you try to shift until you’re beside him instead, but your arms never leave him as you back up, your frown so deep it’s starting to make your head hurt. ‘They only will when you stop fighting for it, you haven’t lost it yet,’ you tell him in a hushed whisper, and something in him breaks as he crumbles into your hug, his head on your shoulder as he grips the back of your shirt as hard as he can, like he’s drowning at sea and you’re the only thing keeping him afloat.

You pet his hair comfortingly as he keeps talking into your shoulder about how it went, how he felt so worthless when he was rejected, how he tried to explain himself but it was all shut down, the man hadn’t even wanted to hear it because he’d heard enough, how he was so upset and hurt and angry that he was afraid of himself and what he’d do, and you just comfort him as he lets it all out. It takes a while but you never rush him, or interrupt him as he vents, you just keep holding him until he’s ready to let you go. You separate, and his eyes are so red as they avoid looking at you, but you just brush his bangs to the side before getting up and grabbing the tissues.

You hand him the box, and the smile he gives you isn’t as sad as he grabs a few, the lump in your throat easing up a bit at the sight. ‘I know you probably aren’t in the mood to celebrate, but if you just wanna grab some food and watch a movie anyway I could order something, or make something here? I think the Hotel might deliver this far, lemme see if it’s on Dumbwaiter.’ You’re already on your phone to check but he’s standing, his used tissues bunched in his hand as he looks for your garbage bin, his eyes on the ground again.

‘I’m not very hungry, thank you but I think I just wanna head home,’ he says after throwing them away, and your hand lowers as you take a step towards him, standing between him and the door again.

‘Please.’ You don’t mean for it to come out but it does, this is about him, not you, you have no right to ask him to stay when he needs space, but you can’t leave him like this, not now. Finally he meets your eye, and you can see that he wants to stay as badly as you want him to, and he opens his mouth to say something before he closes the gap, stands next to you and looks down at your phone. He taps your screen back to life and scrolls before he finds the Hotel’s real name in the list of places on Dumbwaiter’s delivery partnership, and he gives the name another tap before giving you the smallest smile, and it’s genuine and even less sad as his shoulder presses into yours.

‘Order the pasta today, all of their sauces are rich and they always serve too much, and get us the goat cheese spinach dip, it’s to die for,’ he says, his voice still wavering a bit after all his crying, and you just nod before adding it all to your cart, Simon taking off his shoes so he can get comfy on your couch properly this time. You pay for the meal and join him, offering him the remote but he has nothing he wants to watch, so you go to your favourites and pick the stupidest, funniest comedy you can find, needing something silly to lift the mood, and as the food is delivered and you both laugh with full mouths that almost get you to choke you end up wishing you could have this forever, that you could move to his side and hold him again.

You don’t, your phones on the coffee table along with your plates, the space between you feeling so much wider than it actually was as he stays with you until the sun sets.

Now that he’s been to your place your friendship only grows, your meetups changing from Friday lunches to properly hanging out, and it isn’t often he gets free time between his two jobs, but most nights of his are free and you’re always ready to drop whatever you can to see him when he asks. Because of your eagerness you’re slowly becoming a pro at keeping up with your own work, the need to procrastinate fading away like never before since being caught up meant you could go to him wherever he waited. You met him at both jobs, at the Hotel - which he got you to start saying as well since he never called it by its real name - and at the park, sometimes at the mall if there was something he needed to get and he wanted some company, but you’ve still never seen his place, and you’re starting to wonder where he lived.

You know it’s in town, since he got to and from work via Brougham and being outside of town would be hell on his paychecks, but you have no idea which part other than the fact that he used to live near the Hotel when he was a kid. You’ve tried asking before, but each time you do he just brushes it off, makes some excuse to why you couldn’t pick him up or drop him off there, and you’re starting to get a bit suspicious if you were entirely honest. You know he’s not homeless, he’s told you before how it took him a bit but he did manage to find someplace permanent and all his after his eviction, but this is getting ridiculous you think when he comes up with yet another excuse as to why you can drop him off on this random street you’re driving down, he lives nearby, he can walk the rest of the way.

‘Simon, you’ve got six bags of groceries in the back seat, it is literally impossible for you to walk home with them all,’ you say firmly as he just keeps looking out the window, and his lips purse as he tries something else.

‘It isn’t far and they’re not that heavy, I can do three per hand,’ he insists, and you step on the brakes in the middle of the road, no one coming or going as he jerks forwards in his seat at the inertia.

‘Why don’t you want me to see your place?’ you ask bluntly, no longer holding back, and he gets defensive, he’s more open with his anger around you now, but he hasn’t gotten as upset since that day, and you know it’s because he doesn’t want to lose control again, doesn’t want to scare you or himself like that again.

‘I never said I didn’t.’

‘You don’t need to; is it bad neighbours, or a bad neighbourhood? I don’t care where you live, or what your place looks like, I swear I don’t, so you don’t have to keep me away,’ you tell him honestly, and for a moment you think he might tell you when he unlocks his door and heads to the back. You just sigh as he gathers everything up in both hands and thanks you for the ride, but it really is close, you don’t have to waste gas going the rest of the day, he’ll see you Friday.

‘And… you don’t wanna know where I live,’ he mutters mostly to himself before the door closes, and he’s clearly weighed down by everything but he sticks with it, and you watch him just keep going further and further down the street until you have no choice but to take a U-turn and head home, and he’s still in your rearview as you hit a right and he’s forced to disappear around the corner behind you.

It’s a little awkward for you both after that, so you don’t bring it up again to make sure things even out, and it seems to help as you keep meeting up everywhere but his place, wherever the hell it is. He’s been to yours enough times now that you almost consider giving him a spare key so he can invite himself over, but it feels too personal for friends, and when you joke about it to test the waters he nearly spits out his drink in surprise. You clarify that it’s a joke as he sputters out that he’s never had someone’s spare key before, he’s never known anyone long enough for that.

‘You’ve known me for quite a few months now, maybe it might come in handle to have a spare out there in case of emergencies,’ you say next, instantly backtracking on the joke aspect of it with a little hope, and despite you initially calling it so he also looks a little hopeful at the possibility before his phone pings loudly. The moment is ruined as he stops your post-lunch walk through the park to see who’s messaging him, and his eyes widen as his smile grows and his face flushes. ‘LoveMatch, I assume?’ you ask, your teeth clenching in jealousy behind your smile.

‘Yeah, I’ve been messaging this one girl, Jeannie, a few days now,’ he tells you as he clicks in to see what she said, and his smile is so bright at her reply that you feel your stomach drop, your jealousy transforming into something that feels so much worse. ‘I think I’m gunna ask her on a date soon, when I can get an afternoon off so we don’t meet up too late, what do you think? Or should we talk a bit more first?’

The urge to tell him he should definitely talk more first arises because it’s true, you know what meeting too soon can do to a relationship before you can get a better feel for someone, but you also want them to meet before they’re ready; you want her to go in blind because you already know how to talk to him, know that there’s no way she’ll be able to get him out of his shell enough to consider a second date. You know he’ll be nervous, so he might say something weird like he did that first time you chatted over Facsimile, and if he does then there’s a good chance she might leave the date not wanting more.

You can’t do that though, you don’t want to see him rejected like that ever again after the loan, so you ball up your fist and give him a playful tap to the shoulder as he waits for your response. ‘Give it a little more time, get to know each other better, the perfect time for a date will show itself eventually, and if it doesn’t then maybe it’s just not meant to be,’ you suggest, and he nods before one-handedly typing out a reply back to her and putting his phone away. 

‘You’re so good with this kinda stuff, I haven’t been on a real date before, it’s why I signed up for LoveMatch to begin with, so I never know where to start whenever I get a match,’ he confesses as you go back to walking, your fist still balled painfully as you hide it in your jacket pocket. 

‘I’ve been on way too many bad dates by now, I’d like to think I’m a bit of an expert on it.’ Your laugh is strained but he doesn’t seem to notice as he looks straight ahead, his cheeks still pink now that she’s on his mind.

‘I can’t wait to meet her, she works at a flower shop nearby but I haven’t been in yet, I don’t wanna creep her out or anything,’ he says as his shyness crops up again, his expression cute until you remember this isn’t for you, it’s for her.

‘Just keep talking to her and it’ll happen, and who knows? Maybe she’ll like you as mu-’ You stop yourself from saying, ‘as much as I do,’ the words unable to come out as he turns to face you with a curious expression. ‘As much as I know she will,’ you finish, and he grins at the ground before taking another drink, your shoulders bumping for just a moment before he steps to the left to give you a bit more space, and you have to grip the inside of your pocket to keep from pulling him back to you.

About a week later he messages you as you’re working, your phone lighting up and buzzing energetically near your hand, and when you open the chat he tells you that she asked him on a date. Your face falls as you force a smile he can’t see, your thumbs typing him a congrats you don’t mean, not entirely, and when he says that he’s going to take her to the park you feel almost betrayed; you know it’s not your park, it’s just someplace you visit sometimes, it wasn’t like he was bringing her to the Hotel for lunch, that would hurt so much worse.

He then says he’s been thinking about packing a picnic since it felt more romantic, and that he was going to bring roses in her favourite colours since she told him she couldn’t decide between red or orange when they were talking about it, and you almost put down your phone as your chest aches. You want it to be you, you want him to ask you to the park for a picnic, you want to be able to pack your own favourites to share with him there now that the weather is nice again, you want him to bring you roses in your favourite colours even though you’re not even that much of a flower person just because they’re from him and he’s thinking of you.

You want to be her.

You tell him that that sounds like a great idea, she’ll love it, he should tell you how it goes afterwards if he wants to, which he does, since you’re his friend.

You’re his friend.

You send him a bunch of fingers crossed emojis and get back to work so he can start planning, the date is this weekend after all and he has things he has to do now, and when you go to bed that night your thumb hovers over the Sign Up button on LoveMatch’s mobile app until you fall asleep.

Three days later you find yourself lurking outside of the park even though you fought all morning not to, not knowing the exact time they were going to meet up and spending every second continuing that fight as you tell yourself to leave before you got hurt even more. You parked a block away so he wouldn’t recognize your car, and you’re wearing one of your thicker hoodies that you prefer to save for colder weather even though it’s making you sweat like crazy, the hood up as you walk around and see if you can find him. You’ve been there for hours now when you finally decide to go, this was stupid and petty and way too jealous to be acceptable no matter how you felt for him, and just as you’re about to leave you hear his voice echo faintly across the open area.

You look over and see him approach an unfamiliar woman, Jeannie, a big bouquet of roses in his hand and his Brougham waiting for him with an open door by the curb where he was dropped off at. He waves nervously at her, and she flashes him a big smile as he hands her the roses, she seems happy about them, and they chat for a little bit as you get a good vantage point behind a nearby tree. There’s people looking at you as they pass but you don’t care, you can’t leave now, and your jealousy turns to shocked offense as you watch her expression slowly fall.

She’s uncomfortable, he’s said something that she didn’t like just like you’d feared, and he picks up on it and motions for her to wait before he jogs back to the car, he’s still going to try and fix it with the picnic. The moment he’s away from her she puts the roses down on the bench they’re standing by and bails, her footsteps fast as she puts as much distance between them before his return, and your body moves on its own as you want to chase her down, demand to know why she did that. You lose her as you hear him come back to the bench, his voice calling out to her again but she’s long gone, and you freeze with your back to him as you hear him set down the basket, his car already driving off and stranding him there.

The lump is already forming in your throat again when you hear your phone go off, and when you pick up and turn to face him he’s already looking at you, having heard the ringtone you’d assigned to him from your short distance away. He looks hurt at your presence at first, then upset, then angry, and he leaves both the roses and the basket behind as he starts to walk away.

‘Simon, wait,’ you call out to him as you race after him, his long legs carrying him farther and faster as you quickly catch up, but you being there is just insult to injury and he does not want you to be there for him today.

‘You saw it all, didn’t you?’ he demands as he just keeps walking with no destination, needing to get away from you and his heartbreak as fast as he can, and you try to walk backwards in front of him but you can’t keep the pace, not when he keeps changing directions every time you catch up.

‘I’m sorry, I wanted to make sure it went okay,’ you confess before you can come up with yet another lie, and he scoffs at it bitterly.

‘Wanted to make sure I didn’t fuck it up like the loan, right? Well, sorry to break it to you, but I fucked it up again, I’m just one big fuckup!’ He takes another sharp turn to try and lose you in a dense crowd but you grab onto him, use him like an anchor as he tries to jerk away enough to make you let go, but your grip is strong and true as not even that works. 

‘You aren’t a fuckup!’ you insist desperately in a too loud voice for being in public, a group of mothers with strollers giving you the dirtiest look at your language, but you just give them a ‘give me a break’ look back before turning your attention back to him. ‘She just doesn’t know you yet, what did you say? Maybe you can still fix it? Or you could try one of your other matches? She isn’t the only one out there, you don’t need her!’

‘I told her that I wanted to meet her at work,’ he says, and that’s not so bad until he explains why it upset her. ‘I told her that I saw her place of work in the trashed data and I wanted to surprise her by ordering the roses from her, and she didn’t like it.’

Yeah, that’ll do it.

‘She- she didn’t get that you weren’t looking her up to doxx her or stalk her or anything?’ you hurriedly ask, and he just shakes his head, his pace slowing as you exit the main road and head down a less busy street, somewhere more private, probably unintentionally on his part.

‘No, I tried to explain that but her expression said it all, and when I got back…’ He slows even more, you both know how it ended and his lip is quivering. ‘She didn’t even have to guts to say goodbye, she just wanted to leave me there like I could be thrown out like the roses, like trash, that fucking bitch!’ He kicks the trashcan you’re about to pass and it crashes hard to the ground, the contents spilling all over the sidewalk as he loses control of his anger again. ‘I’m a person, goddamnit, why does this keep…’

You step around the trash as the wind blows it into your path, creating a river between the two of you that you cross to get to him, and this time when you try to hug him he steps back, puts a hand up to keep you away.

‘Don’t, just- don’t, I can’t be touched by you right now,’ he says softly, and he isn’t crying but he looks about to as you obediently back up, the trash spreading around you and making the river swell. ‘I’m going home, I’m sorry you keep having to deal with me.’

You try to tell him otherwise but he isn’t listening as he pulls up his hood and heads back to the main road, a cab hailed before he gets in and drives away, leaves you there alone. You lower your own hood and unzip your hoodie so your body can cool a little as you walk back to your car, and when you reach the bench you see that there’s a small group of concerned people gathering around the basket, all of them clearly thinking that it might be something dangerous.

‘That’s mine, sorry, it’s just a picnic,’ you say as you approach it, and everyone can’t help but peer inside as you prove it to them. In that quick glimpse you can see that he worked hard on the contents within, he made a whole bunch and even grabbed a few different drinks as well as a bottle of wine to split, and you swallow as you relatch the lid and grab the handle. The roses are still there too and you pick them up, they’re the synthetic kind you can tell as their scent is muted compared to the real thing, he wanted her to keep them for a while without them dying, and you hold them close to your chest as you finish the trek to your car.

You don’t look at the items in your passenger seat until you get home, and when you reach your apartment you put the flowers in a waterless vase and spread out the picnic on your coffee table. You choose your favourite drink, of course he would’ve brought it out of all the possible options, and open up the wine as well as you enjoy the picnic by yourself, not wanting to let it go to waste as you try not to notice how large your couch was without him there to enjoy it with you.

He ignores your messages for a while after that, so you stop texting him to give him some space, but that doesn’t stop you from at least typing everything out and deleting it before the temptation to press send overtakes you. You look him up on LoveMatch and see that he’s offline, and after looking up Jeannie’s name you discover a recent post she made in the site’s forums section; you click in and see that she completely tried to ruin his reputation on the site, warning others to stay away from him, calling him creepy and a stalker and claiming that he would doxx any matches. Your heart races as the comments join in, insulting his picture and saying he looked like a creep, how some said they had messaged him but now they were going to block, thanking her for the warning and telling her how sorry they were for having to deal with that.

You nearly come to his rescue but there’s no point, they’ve already made up their minds, and you instead flag the post as harassment and pray that it got taken down before he saw it.

He’s seen it.

He sends you the link without another word, your request to remove it denied, and when you look for his profile you find it gone.

He misses your next Friday lunch, and you figure enough is enough as you decide that if he wasn’t going to talk to you then you were going to talk to him. You wait until he gets off work before parking across from the bar, and you keep your distance as he hails a ride and heads home for the night. Your hands are gripping the wheel way too hard the entire way there, and when the car turns into a large, mostly empty lot sans a bunch of trailers parked inside as well as a few storage containers and miscellaneous vehicles and construction things for the building across the street you just keep going and pretend like you weren’t just following him. You wait until his ride leaves as you park nearby, and you casually walk up to the one you saw him heading for and hope that he won’t kick you out immediately as you knock on the door.

There’s the sound of stumbling from inside until the door opens and you step out of its way, Simon just looking at you before a cacophony of emotions plays across his face. ‘Hey,’ you say when he doesn’t shut the door right away, ‘you stopped answering my messages, I wanted to make sure you were okay.’

‘So you followed me?’ He’s more surprised than angry, which is good, but you don’t know how long it’ll last so you talk fast, needing to get it out while you have the chance.

‘You never told me where you lived, I improvised, I’m not the one with access to trashed data here,’ you try to joke, but neither of you laugh as you just stand there on his makeshift porch, which is just big enough to hold a single lawn chair and nothing else, another sign of his isolation.

‘I never wanted you to come here,’ he mutters just quietly enough that you almost miss it, and when you lean in to listen his expression hardens. ‘Your place is so nice, you’ve got a nice view, everything is so open, you do so well for yourself. But me, even with two jobs this is all I can afford, I can’t save up for my bar when I have bills to pay, can’t get a loan because I can’t pay it off if it fails, you’ve got everything so put together and I’m-’ He stops, he’s been looking at the ground the entire time but when he falls silent he makes a point to purposefully not look at you, and you can see the shine in his eyes as he shifts from foot to foot, resists slamming the door in your face. ‘I’m a fucking loser.’

‘You’re not-’

‘I got kicked out of the academy, I got evicted, I got denied for my loan, I got dumped before my date even started and now every other match I made has me blocked, I live in a fucking trailer because I can’t afford rent in the city anymore and it’s cheap to live out this far, how am I not a loser?’ He quiets down when he starts yelling out all the reasons why he was worthless, his voice echoing over the lot, and he tries to shut the door when your hand shoots out and holds it open the second you see it move. ‘I just- I don’t understand why you keep talking to me after all that, why do you keep coming back? Why haven’t you left like everyone else? Why won’t you just- leave me alone…?’

You swallow and walk up the two-step stairs, Simon backing up until you let yourself in, the door shutting behind you and trapping your voices inside so they can’t carry anymore. ‘Because none of that defines you, it happened to you but that isn’t who you are,’ you tell him, and he’s hunched over now that he’s inside, the ceiling not high enough to accommodate him in his own home.

‘And who am I?’ he asked pathetically, but you don’t see him as pathetic, not even now as you see his home and how bare it is, the nicest thing he owns his computer over by the far window, the setup grand and expensive looking, and you fondly think to yourself that he probably built it all himself.

‘You’re smart, you’re so fucking smart, and you’re easy to talk to, and you’re a bit weird sometimes, and you word things kinda badly at the worst of times but you’re not a creep, and you’re passionate about what you want and it’s so unfair that no one’s given you a proper chance, or gotten to know the real you, not just what they’ve heard and assumed about you. You’re not a bad guy, you’re more than your black marks, you’re Simon.’

He blinks and a tear falls from his eye to the floor thanks to the angle his neck is forced to be, but he never sits even though it must be hurting him, and you wonder if maybe you’ve gotten through to him when he catches you completely off guard with what he says next: ‘Would you still think that if you knew the real me?’

‘What do you mean?’ You’ve known him for half a year now, there wasn’t any side of him you hadn’t seen yet, but apparently there was as another tear falls.

‘I killed someone, about five years ago now.’

You stagger back into the door, the wind knocked out of you at this revelation, and he shuts his eyes and looks away from your expression as one of pain takes over his own face. ‘What are you talking about?’ you ask quietly, your voice failing you the first time you try, and he flinches at your words like you’d just screamed them in his face.

‘Back when I was evicted I was looking for people to room with, just temporarily until I could get back on my feet, and this guy had answered my ad, invited me over to check out his place. I should’ve been more cautious but it was so cold I couldn’t wait, and when I got there he tried to mug me, take whatever I had left. I fought back in self-defense, but when I almost got away he started attacking me, wanted to keep me there until his actual roommate got home so he had help, and I-’ He sits down then, his hands shaking as he goes back to that time, and your back leaves the door as he looks up at you with such sadness that your chest feels hollow. ‘He tried to kill me, I was only trying to defend myself, I didn’t mean to hurt him so bad, I just wanted to find somewhere to stay, it was so cold outside…’

‘What happened after that?’ You think you might’ve just mouthed the words with how much your voice breaks, but he understands you anyways.

‘The roommate came home while I- while it was happening, called the cops, and when they saw me standing there covered in blood, holding the knife still, they instantly ruled it as a homicide and arrested me. I was able to plead not guilty but they took one look at my bad psych eval and thought I’d snapped, killed him outta malice or something, it was only by a miracle that the evidence was in my favour.’

‘And the roommate?’

‘They searched the place and found evidence of all the others before me that’d fallen for the con, he was charged and arrested and I made bail, but after that my mother never talked to me again, even though I was acquitted.’ It looks like a weight’s been lifted now that he’s said it, but he also looks so fucking tired, most of him taking up his small loveseat couch. You want to go to him but you can’t move, your body refusing to shift even an inch in case he didn’t want you to, and he looks you over before something in his eyes begs you please; you let out a small noise as you fall to the ground between his knees, your hand holding his just like you had when you’d wrapped him up.

‘Why are you still here? Why haven’t you thrown me out yet?’ he weakly asks you, and you can’t lie to him any longer as you hold his hand up to your cheek.

‘Don’t you know what you mean to me?’ you need to know, your voice so small that again you’re not even sure if any of it even comes out, and he lets out a breath that sounds so desperate and broken it makes you wonder just how long he’s been holding it: days, weeks, months, since the moment you met?

‘I didn’t want to hope- you… you’re my only friend, I didn’t want to ruin everything and lose you too,’ he whispers as he properly holds you, his palm so warm against your skin, and you lean into his touch as you let out the breath you were holding in return.

‘You almost broke my heart when you said you went back to LoveMatch, I wanted to tell you so badly,’ you’re finally able to confess, and when you do his other hand finds your arm, holds you with just enough pressure that you know he wants you there.

‘Why didn’t you?’

‘I didn’t want to ruin everything either.’

He leans forward until his forehead rests against yours, and when you open your eyes and look into his you can see everything you ever wanted again, all of it feeling so real and within reach as you brush his bangs aside, rest your hand on the back of his neck. His other hand comes up to cup your other cheek, and he’s shaking slightly like he’s afraid to touch you even though he already is because this time it’d be his decision to, his lips parting as he stares down at your own, and when he touches you you lean up and close the space between you.

He sighs against your mouth as you kiss him, it so full of relief and contentment and joy, and you wrap your arms around his neck again as you successfully sit in his lap this time. His lack of experience is apparent but you have no complaints as you deepen the kiss, needing more now that you could have it, and he lets you have everything you ever wanted as he leans back against the cushions until his head hits the metal wall behind him. He mutters an ow as he lets go of you to rub his head, and you laugh before catching his mouth again, which he eagerly allows you to do; he eats up all your attention, starving for it as he gets more into it, needing whatever you can give after so many rejections, and you’re happy to give it all back as you kiss his neck.

‘I was so proud of you when you told me you were trying for the loan, I really wanted to celebrate with you,’ you whisper into his skin, and you can feel him shiver as he lets out a soft moan and tilts his head to the side so you have easier access. ‘You’ve been trying so hard, please let me reward you, I want to be the first to…’

He moans your name as his hips start to move, try to find friction against you, and you shift until he does, his jaw going slack as he holds you by your thighs, perfects the angle even more.

‘When I saw you with her I wanted it to be me, I hated myself for wanting her to go, but she didn’t deserve you, I’ll never leave, and I want the next time we meet to be a real date, whether it’s at the Hotel or the park or my place or here, I want to be with you.’

He makes a noise of pure want, his Adam's apple bobbing as he tries to swallow back the sob that follows, he was always weak to your compliments but you need him to know how worth it he is to you, how much he deserves this after everything he’s been through.

‘You’re wonderful, I love spending time with you, you’re everything I want.’

A tear escapes between his tightly shut eyelids and you kiss it away before going to his jaw, pressing your lips along it before you find his mouth again.

‘I really like you, Simon, you mean so much to me, I’m so glad I got to meet you.’

He’s practically whimpering in your lap as he cries harder, his hips never stopping, he needs this so much but so do you, and you let him use you as the growing pressure wrenches a moan from your lips.

‘I love-’

You don’t get to finish as he comes apart underneath you, his body shuddering as he grips you tight and gasps out a series of choked out moans, your eyes fluttering shut as you feel it all travel from the top of your head down to the tips of your toes. You feel the heat between your thighs as he slowly catches his breath, his cheeks turning red under streams of tears in embarrassment for coming from just this much, but you just kiss the tip of his nose and rest your chest against his, let him feel how hard your heart was beating.

‘I love you,’ you whisper now that you can, and he looks at you like you’ve just given him the sun and the moon on a golden platter.

‘I’m so glad I texted you back then,’ he confesses against your cheek, his hands leaving your thighs to rest on your back, keeping you close, ‘I think I started to love you the moment you wanted to actually talk to me.’

‘Lucky for me your standards are so low,’ you joke, but it falls flat in the best of ways as he nuzzles into your neck.

‘It was all I needed, I just wanted someone to believe in me.’ He presses a single kiss to the space where your neck meets your shoulder, and your nails scrape lightly against his scalp as you let out a sigh at the feeling.

‘I told you, I’ll keep cheering you on until it works,’ you remind him, and he sits up straight so he can hold you even closer in his hug, your bodies fitting together perfectly as you hold him back and don’t let go.

The snow is falling lightly outside as you stretch in your chair, your back cracking as you raise your arms high above your head. You’re all done for the day, everything on your list checked off as you glance at the time and see that it’s almost 8PM, he’ll be there soon. You stand and bring the feeling back to your legs before grabbing the remote and turning on the TV, queuing up the next episode of the show you’re marathoning only one at a time each night. You let the recap and intro play and then press pause, it’s nearly time now, and you’re in the middle of grabbing the plates and utensils when you hear a knock at the door. You unlock it and open up to reveal Simon on the other side, all bound up in a large winter jacket, his scarf pulled up high enough to cover his nose and mouth from the cold.

‘You forget your key at work again?’ you tease as he walks in, trailing snow over to the mat where he can take his boots off.

‘Kinda hard to unlock the door with both hands full,’ he points out with a smirk as he then sets the food brought from said work on the table. ‘It’s busy tonight despite the snow, lots of people coming in to escape the chill, had to order these early to make sure they were done on time.’

‘You know I can always make something before you get back, you don’t have to keep bothering Elison over it,’ you remind him, but he won’t hear of it, he loves being able to bring you back something so you don’t have to stop working until you’re ready and you know it.

‘I convinced him to leave the Hotel to come work for me, might as well use him,’ is what he has to say to that, and you can’t argue with it as you both transfer your dinners onto the plates you set out. ‘Besides, it’s the only way I can get my favourites without having to drive across town, that’s a good enough reason to keep bothering him.’

You hum in agreement as you sit down together, the episode playing as soon as you’re settled, and when you’re done eating he curls up next to you, rests his head against your shoulder even though it hurts his neck. You take pity on him and adjust so he can lay more properly, his face still red from the winter chill, and you find yourself paying more attention to him until he feels your eyes on him.

‘You think we can do two episodes tonight before you go back? We’re so close to the season finale,’ you plead in that tone of voice that always gets him, and he looks like he really wants to say yes but he can’t, he doesn’t like leaving the place for so long as is even though his staff is more than capable of watching over things for an hour without him; outside of the weekend it’s the only time you can be together until he gets home at 2AM, when you’re already asleep most nights, and before he leaves again by 9AM, at least until the new year where he plans on hiring more staff if things keep getting better.

‘Not tonight, maybe tomorrow if it’ll calm down when the storm hits, I’ll call it early if it’s bad enough,’ he promises, and you smile and hold his hand as you rewind the episode back to before you stopped watching.

‘Should I be so jealous of a bar?’ you ask rhetorically, and he answers you yes before you playfully hit him and press play again. ‘Maybe I should start working for you part-time, I miss our Friday lunches, you’re too busy for me now.’

‘I’m never too busy for you,’ he reassures you so gently and genuinely before kissing you, the scene you just rewound to getting ignored again as you don’t let him go after just one. ‘I wouldn’t mind having you there, though, even if I think we might not get a lot done whenever you’re there.’

‘I’m just trying to make some C0NN3CT10N$,’ you say as slowly and as slyly as you can, drawing out the word as he just stares at you, ‘y’know like the bar’s na-’

He silences you with another kiss, this one a little more chaste as he laughs against your lips. ‘Yeah, yeah I know,’ he chuckles, and once again the episode is rewound so you can watch it, your arms around him for the rest of the hour he sets aside just for you each night, and in your head you make a mental note to thank your mother for recommending that son of a friend of a friend of a co-worker 10 months too late as he lovingly holds you right back.

[cocogum]

The theory behind the sick eliatrope explained.

‼️SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4‼️

LEAVE AT THE WARNING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN EPISODES 7 AND 8 YET.

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If you’ve been thinking the same thing about this then you’re right.

There’s a high chance that the sick eliatrope is Nora.

This theory started to circulate among the primordial eliatropes when Adamaï explained there was a hole in the deepest part of Abuela’s ocean that looked a lot like an eliatrope portal, especially Qilby’s.

Of course, Yugo immediately assumes Qilby was the one who opened a portal for the necromes but Qilby does not waste any time and straight up tells Yugo that he’s wrong.

And it’s painfully obvious Qilby was being honest but Yugo doesn’t see it.

Qilby had already attempted to destroy the world and the only reason why he hadn’t put his plans into motion earlier was because he was still weak from being stuck in the White Dimension for so long.

Yes, when he created a portal for the shushus, it looked identical to the one Nora and Yugo found in the Sadida kingdom. But that’s just what an eliatrope portal would look like if it was used to travel to another dimension.

Not to mention that when he attacked Toross with the eliatrope dofus, he genuinely looked like he didn’t mean to strike Toross with wakfu.

Therefore, in defense of Qilby, if he was the culprit, he would’ve admitted it a long time ago. The only thing I’m betting about him is that he would have loved to have been the one responsible for this.

So to clear out the problem and see what’s really going on, the three eliatropes and Adamaï, accompanied by Joris and Amalia, all travelled to Toross’ world. When they took a look at the portal that was linked between the two planets, it was finally deduced that it was in fact made by an eliatrope.

However, they also realized that the portal created by this presumed eliatrope had lines of stasis in it which made Adamaï conclude that the one responsible for this was not only guilty but physically sick.

Yugo obviously interpreted Adamaï’s words at face value since he already believes Qilby is sick in the head and does not see the logic behind the fact that Qilby couldn’t have been working with the necromes because of Yugo himself (keeping him in the White Dimension).

Qilby is not the culprit no matter how many times Yugo claims he is.

The actual sick eliatrope is Nora for the following reasons below :

1. Her eliatrope portals are diamond-shaped just like the one that brought them all into Toross’ world.

2. During Nora’s exposition about how she managed to rescue the Eliatrope goddess, we can see how she painfully holds her chest from something. Nora doesn’t specifically explain this part, it is only shown to us but this could’ve been the exact moment when she got infected by the necromes as soon as she landed on Toross’ planet.

3. When she was fighting the rogues in that one mission given to her by her mother, if you pause at the right moment, you’ll only see the purple color flash on her while her weapons remain blue.

All points directly line up with Nora.

She’s the one responsible for the portal leading to the World of Twelve.

But the real question here is how come she doesn’t seem aware of all this?

Throughout the whole time she’s been in Toross’ world, she felt and looked scared, skeptical, and confused.

Some who believe in the theory might’ve deduced that she’s been acting but that doesn’t seem right. The way Toross talks to her doesn’t imply that she’s working for him and we can see how his words affect Nora as she looks completely petrified.

So I came up with three possibilities as to how this happened :

Toross already knew how to make portals because he had his dofus. After eating some of the Eliatrope goddess’ power, he was finally able to fully use his ability properly.

Toross doesn’t know how to make portals but after Nora came into his world, she accidentally got attacked by one of his minions which allowed him to use her energy to make portals.

After consuming Efrim’s energy, he was able to use Nora’s power through Efrim since primordial eliatropes and their dragon siblings share a special bond.

In short, the sick eliatrope is Nora but she is not guilty of being the one to link the two planets together. Toross is the one using her ability.

Because as Qilby said, it’s not just the eliatropes who can create portals. Some others have the ability to use this power in other ways.

[bengiyo]

23.5 Ep 9 Stray Thoughts

Last week, the gang went to the school to watch a meteor shower together with the understanding of the romance overtones involved. Ongsa spent most of the episode flubbing making a move on Sun, but they ended up getting a decent kiss under the stars. Aylin remains one of the best characters in romance because she didn’t need any cajoling to ask Luna to watch the meteor shower with her nor to confess her feelings. Mawin came so close to properly asking Tinh out, but got too nervous. Ton was rejected by Chaoren, and ended up giving me crumbs with Mawin (Euro can still win, guys). My teacher yuri dreams continued to burn bright.

Laying on the floor like this doesn’t exactly look comfortable, but is the kind of silliness I’ve walked in on lesbians doing before.

NAME OF THE SHOW MENTIONED. FINISH YOUR DRINKS.

Yes, tell the people about Theia. It’s a cool bit of planetary history.

Latte looks so hot in every scene. Please put this dog in the A/C.

Wow we’re getting right to a potential separation, thought a study abroad summer program doesn’t sound like it’s years-long.

Episode 9: When the Earth Tilts

Aylin trying to be more social with her family is actually quite adorable.

Oh good. We’re teaching Ongsa how to ride a bicycle first.

Thank you, Luna, for always keeping things clear with Aylin. These four are really fun together. Sun is so consistent about this not-hiding approach.

Not my favorite big boy feeling like he’s gotta lose a ton of weight to be appealing. Gay body issues start so young.

I feel for Alpha. She’s the oldest and her sister and cousin are going through things without telling her anything.

I hope the teacher hit Alpha with a Mama Sandwich. I haven’t seen one in years since The Fosters ended.

What is up with all these girls just running away from home?

American fried rice? I suddenly feel embarrassed.

I kinda wish we’d spent more time with Alpha before all of this.

I feel positively about Luna helping Aylin have more social connections with the people in her life.

Get his ass, Aylin! Ton should learn to read when people don’t want to be bothered with his shit.

Did they want to do the Alpha plot earlier to make this scene with Sun land?

Okay, the towel drop was a nice touch. As with everything with the mains, I don’t think we got here smoothly, but I enjoyed the moment.

This show is so awkward. I’m not sure what’s going on and why it feels so off every week. I like individual moments but I have a hard time reflecting on this show and remembering things that occurred in the order in which they happened.

[berrypass-de-murdler]

3 - 13 Commune in the Desert

So here are all the characters who were introduced in the Horsegico saga, as drafts bc idk which ones exist or not (except graphite she is very dead)

Got any thoughts? I can fix them as necessary

Even just sketching that many new designs in such a short amount of time is exhausting lmao

(left to right bossman ivory, graphite, rust, sepia, sky, wine, gold, sandy, mint)

DON'T READ THE EPISODES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS!!

After nightmares about whatever the hell Silverton the Legend was doing, Logico decides it’s due time to investigate the desert cult who made the oscillator. Irratino knows just where to go.

IRRATINO: Here it is… Mount Aegis. I’ve always had… a bad feeling about this place. LOGICO: Good to know…

It’s imposing, but it doesn’t look that unusual, aside from the dark hideout, giant gate, and pit of skulls. But don’t worry, the skulls aren’t human. Wait… isn’t that worse?

COBALT: You will not ENTER!

The ‘Supreme Master’ waves a stick around menacingly and does a twirl. Officer Copper leaps over the skull pit.

COPPER: That’s right, motherfuckers. I’m here to make sure you STAY out.

Logico groans. Haven’t seen this bitch in a while. Not that anyone would want to.

Cobalt takes a body and displays it proudly.

COBALT: If you try to enter our Society, THIS is what will become of you!

Casually, he removes the human’s skull and throws it into the pit.

IRRATINO: [whispering] Does that count as a murder? LOGICO: Let’s see… a human carcass, people waving it around, acting proud of their accomplishment… WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU FUCKING CALL IT.

A third person waddles in. It’s the giant, fluffy Cinnamon. Seeing the silly boi gives Logico a brief flashback from before he was knocked out. But he can’t quite remember the situation.

CINNAMON: …Hi [tiny wave]

Copper opens the gate and lets him in!

LOGICO: YOU’RE part of the cult? CINNAMON: Oh… yeah. Heh…

Meanwhile, Irratino finally puts two and two together.

IRRATINO: THAT’S what you’re supreme master of! This cult!  COBALT: …Yes Mr. President.  IRRATINO: You know, we’re off the job, you don’t have to call me Mr. President. COBALT: Irra-Teeno. IRRATINO: CALL ME… Mr. President.

Logico is focused on more important things.

LOGICO: Since when are you affiliated with freaking Cobalt? COPPER: Since forever, dumbass. I was the FIRST person he called for this cult! COBALT: No, you weren’t!

Copper bares her teeth at him.

COPPER: The point is, I rule. I’m the best guard dog that ever lived. I’d KILL anyone who came too close to MY gate!!! LOGICO: Thanks for the confession. COPPER: THAT WASN’T A CONFESSION!!

Cinnamon is already gone, and Cobalt has disappeared.

LOGICO: Where are they??

Cobalt steps out of the hut, pushing away Cinnamon.

COBALT: You didn’t bring your registration card!

He pushes him into the pit! The oxymorons look down in panic.

CINNAMON: Heh… I’m fine!

His immense padding cushioned the blow. 

IRRATINO: You know… I had this dream recently…

Logico pretends to be disinterested, but really he is deep down quite curious about Irratino’s dream abilities.

IRRATINO: It had Supreme Master Cobalt… LOGICO: …And?... IRRATINO: He was playing with my marot cards.

Logico facepalms.

LOGICO: Don’t you work with this person… IRRATINO: Yeah, why? LOGICO: You needed a dream to tell you he liked marot cards?! IRRATINO: I- Ohh…

This killer was, without a doubt, Officer Copper. 

LOGICO: YOU!

The dog throws her hands up.

COPPER: …BAAAHAHAHAHAHA! I forgot I was the police for a second!

She vaults over the giant gate and runs behind the hut, never to be seen again.

LOGICO: I hate her. IRRATINO: I know.

The end!

I hope wine and/or gold appear again bc i really like how they look :'3

Also CIMMANON

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

I don’t think I’ve ever felt like the universe actively conspired against something until I witnessed the production of The Flash.

Since 1991 there have been quite a few proposals for Flash movies, but they never really got off the ground for whatever reason. Following Barry’s debut in Justice League, a movie finally was announced before multiple delays due to rewrites, in particular to cut Ray Fisher’s Cyborg from the story after he went public about the awful shit he had to deal with under Joss Whedon. Things seemed hopeless until It director Andy Muschietti came onboard, at which point production on the film finally started to go smoothly. Sure, there were rumblings about Ezra Miller having episodes on set, but that’s just typical actor nonsense, right? Surely it couldn’t get any worse!

Look, I’m here to review a movie so I’ll keep this brief: Miller committed crimes. Lots of crimes. So many, in fact, you’d think they were method acting for the role of Reverse-Flash. The thing is, despite all of this, Miller was basically given a slap on the wrist by the studio, being forbidden from doing promos and press tours (oh no! The horror!). And as if the situation wasn’t already a fucking mess, while Miller’s crime spree was ongoing WB canned the nearly-complete Batgirl movie that featured Michael Keaton and Academy Award-winning actor Brendan Fraser while simultaneously inflating The Flash’s budget to nearly $300 million with reshoots. It seems baffling to cancel a movie that was nearly done and that people were marginally interested in for the sake of a movie that people were losing interest in quickly due to its star’s erratic behavior, but remember: Leslie Grace isn’t white, while Ezra Miller is. WB is never beating those racism allegations at this rate.

With a normal movie, this is where the nonsense ends. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

This film was meant to smooth out the clusterfuck continuity of the “Snyderverse” with a soft reboot, with Henry Cavill filming a end-of-movie cameo alongside Miller, Gal Gadot, Keaton, and Supergirl’s actress Sasha Calle to establish the new direction of DC going forward. Unfortunately, the hierarchy of power at DC changed, and Gunn shot that down. While this meant the ending would probably not get people confused with regards to upcoming projects, it also meant the movie wasn’t going to really have any closure for the old universe. Affleck, Cavill, and who knows who else are just gone, and the future is just a big old question mark. At least Aquaman is safe, maybe?

Literally none of this news was very reassuring to fans. Nothing above is any good for a film’s perception to audiences under normal circumstances, but here we have all this news coming to a fanbase that genuinely did not want this fucking movie. The DCEU was already divisive when the film was announced, and Miller’s portrayal of Barry doubly so; the fact it was adapting Flashpoint was seen as lazy and uninspired, not to mention its not really a story that lets Flash stand on his own merits, making it seem more like this movie was just an excuse to reboot; it was a multiverse story in a day and age with an abundance of such stories, and it was releasing around the same time as Across the Spider-Verse to boot; and Gunn’s reboot plans meant this story was likely a narrative dead end. This movie had an uphill battle the likes of which haven’t been seen since Sisyphus.

But much like that mythological figure, the boulder came crashing right back down when the numbers came in. The movie would likely need to gross $500 million at minimum to break even after factoring in the reshoots and advertising, and it only managed half of that with a pitiful opening weekend followed by a massive 73% drop. It now sits alongside films like The Lone Ranger and Mortal Engines as one of the most expensive bombs in history, to the point where WB would have saved more money by cancelling it like they did with Batgirl. And despite glowing praise from the likes of Tom Cruise and Stephen King, it received middling reviews from mainstream critics.

Audiences haven’t been any less mixed, but considering most people weren’t particularly excited or invested in this film’s existence this is basically a miracle. Sure, there’s plenty of people out there saying this is the “worst comic book movie ever” like they do every time a new superhero movie drops, but even more people are saying they enjoyed the film… although even they tend to have some severe criticisms.

Even though I knew most of what was going to happen in the movie going in, I wasn’t really sure what to expect given everything surrounding the movie. But you know me, I’m willing to give almost any movie a chance, and bombs this big don’t happen every day, so even before it was voted on I was trying to make time to check it out. So sit down, microwave yourself a snack—

—and watch as I try and determine if The Flash is really that bad.

THE GOOD

The biggest shock of this film is that Ezra Miller is actually really good here.

Their Barry is still a bit of a goofball, but he’s clearly matured as a character since his precious appearances. They managed to make him much more charming and likable than he ever was, and this gets compounded when he interacts with the younger Barry and gets confronted with how annoying he was before. I think young Barry could have come off as really insufferable, but the fact he annoys everyone around him and also ends up maturing makes him a lot more endearing.

Miller really kills it with the emotional moments, particularly the ending encounter with Barry’s mom and the scene where old Barry snaps at young Barry. The film is really carried by the dramatic, emotional moments far more than any of the superheroics, and Miller manages to sell a lot of it very well. It was to the point where I started thinking, “I really wouldn’t mind if they stick around.” Then a scene where Barry says the Justice League has no real psychiatric help or where his younger self ends up repeatedly exposing himself in public by accident happens, and then I remembered, “Oh yeah, aren’t they a mentally unwell criminal?”

Unsurprisingly, Michael Keaton absolutely kills it in his role as Batman, but much more shockingly is that Ben Affleck's brief return as Bruce is pretty great as well. I always thought Affleck, much like Henry Cavill, was desperately trying to give a great performance while weighed down by bad writing; here, he gets an actual poignant scene where he talks to Barry about how dwelling on tragedies isn't the way to do things, and you should try and move forward instead. It shows he really could have been great if given better material to work with.

Okay, enough being nice to Affleck, I wanna talk about Keaton again. As much as the marketing hyped him up and as much as he is obviously the most blatant fanservice possible, it's still so cool to see him in the suit again. I am not immune to nostalgia pandering, and as corny as it could have been from anyone else, the zoom into his face when he says The Line really is a highlight of the movie. Keaton has a great deal of charisma, and while there are issues with Batman they aren't his fault at all. Most impressively, he doesn't steal the show away from Miller like I thought he would; he enhances the scenes he's in without stealing the spotlight completely from their performance. I feel like this is a problem in a lot of movies like this, where the lead gets overshadowed by a hyped up character, but somehow The Flash of all things managed to avoid this.

And as bad as the cameos could get, this movie gave two of the greatest cameos ever put to film with the return of the GOAT George Clooney Batman and, best of all, Nicolas Cage Superman from the unmade Superman Lives, fighting a giant spider to the death just as God intended. I am not immune to the charms of Nicolas Cage.

Overall, this movie presents us with a solid story, plenty of fun moments, great character dynamics, and more... for the first two acts, anyway.

THE BAD

Once this movie hits the third act, it basically just loses any and all focus and becomes a big dumb video game-esque battle against Zod and his forces in a bland desert landscape. While both Barrys admittedly get some pretty cool moments sprinkled in and Keaton’s Batman’s second death is actually a well done emotional moment, Supergirl ends up being completely wasted, with her sole role being to angrily scream and then die repeatedly.

This actually highlights the problem with Kara in this movie: She’s basically nothing but a plot device and has zero personality, and a good 80% of her dialogue is just angry screaming. As hot as Sasha Calle is and how much she obviously wants to make Kara compelling, she is given so little to work with that her efforts end up being fruitless. She does nothing of consequence after helping Barry get his powers back, and could be replaced or written out of the story and it would still make perfect sense.

Zod’s inclusion is pretty baffling as well, especially since they chose to water down one of the only good things from Man of Steel into a boring, generic doomsday villain. You can really feel that poor Michael Shannon would rather be doing anything else, and his bored performance just highlights how poorly implemented Zod is in the plot. Like, the Fladh has some of the best and most colorful DC villains in his rogues gallery, one’s that are often overlooked because Batman’s villains sell more toys. Why not highlight some of them instead of taking a Superman villain and stripping him of all personality to the point the actor clearly has no passion for the role? Cutting Zod would make cutting Supergirl even easier, and then two of the biggest problems with the movie are gone!

The third act does manage to mostly rerail itself once it goes back to Barry trying to unfuck the timeline, with only a disgustingly egregious bit of fanservice that I’ll discuss in the next section hampering it. But at the end, despite the incredibly based George Clooney cameo, there’s just so many unresolved and unanswered questions, with the biggest one being who killed Barry’s mom? Considering her death is what kickstarted the whole plot, you’d think this might come up, but it never does. A lot of other things come up and get dropped too, like whatever was going on with Batman in the opening, but maybe I’m just crazy for wanting elements introduced in a plot to have significance beyond just being there to be cool.

Even beyond that, there’s the fact that Supergirl and Keaton!Batman’s final fates are never really resolved, something that apparently wasn’t a problem in early versions of the film since they showed up alive in the final scene. As much as I loved seeing Clooney, I think trading him for getting some closure for Keaton and Calle would have been more satisfying.

Everyone harps on how bad the CGI is—and it absolutely is, don’t get me wrong—but for the most part I found it endearingly bad. Like the opening with the CGI babies? That’s too goofy for me to hate. But once the movie revolves into bland grey and black CGI bad guys and creepy deepfake celebrity cameos, I stop being quite so forgiving.

Oh, and on the subject of cameos, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen one as pointless and unfunny as Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman showing up out of nowhere (complete with theme music) to make Bruce and Barry look like dumb assholes. Imagine thinking this was a good idea.

THE UGLY

The biggest point of contention surrounding this movie is the CGI necromancy used in the aforementioned cameo clusterfuck from the climax, which gives us George Reeve, Christopher Reeves, and Adam West posthumously reprising their DC roles in non-speaking appearances (there’s archived audio from West, but his cameo isn't really focused on to the point you can barely tell it's him) where they just stand there before the camera swoops around like in that Saul Goodman gif.

I think this is one of the very few times where I actually think the outrage is mostly justified. To be clear, I’m not getting mad on behalf of dead celebrities I never knew, and as long as the filmmakers went through the proper channels and the estates of these stars were properly compensated, I don’t have any legal objections. All of my distaste is coming from a subjective, moral standpoint.

I have never liked this CGI necromancy ever since Rogue One popularized it. I find it really gross and distasteful, and in most cases I think finding a lookalike actor would be preferable than playing Weekend at Bernie’s with a computer generated facsimile of a dead person. In The Flash, I understand having lookalikes would diminish the wow factor of the crossover, but there was an extremely easy workaround to this: Have cameos from all the living DC stars.

Was Brandon Routh not available to put on the Superman tights? Would it have been so bad to let Grant Gustin pop in for a cameo? They acknowledge Helen Slater, so why not Melissa Benoist? Hell, if you want to reference bad, campy movies, have Shaq show up as Steel or Josh Brolin pop in as Jonah Hex! Or even Ryan Reynolds, I’d bet he’d be down to return if you gave him a real suit this time!

Like there’s just no excuse for ghoulishly parading around dead guys when there’s so many alive guys you could use instead. People can complain all they want about the fanservice and cameos in the past few Spider-Man films, but at least they only had returning characters played by living actors. And when this movie already has the niche, out-there Nic Cage Superman cameo, proving they were down to do things as out there and inoffensively creative as reference unmade movies, it’s really just inexcusable. It doesn’t ruin the movie for me, but it makes me lose a bit of respect for the people who okayed this over less offensive cameo ideas.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

To my surprise, this film actually turned out to be pretty good. Not “great,” not “the best superhero movie ever,” but genuinely mostly good and enjoyable.

My opinion is that the movie is good in spite of itself. The third act is truly a hot mess, the stupid desert battle against Zod is awful and boring, Supergirl is depressingly pointless, so many plot points are just dropped or otherwise forgotten, and the CGI necromancy is nothing short of ghoulish. But the rest of the movie is truly a lot of fun. Barry and his younger self have a fun dynamic, Keaton really manages to take what little he’s given and show that he’s still got it as Batman, the Clooney and Cage cameos were delightful, and most importantly the emotional moments are actually effective.

I think with a bit more polish this film could have actually lived up to the hype around it. There is a great movie in here being suffocated by fanservice and CGI but still managing to get a few gasps of air regardless. I think if they’d kept the conflict more grounded or made Reverse-Flash the primary antagonist, things might have turned out better.

I think its score is pretty fair. My friend @huyh172 described this as “the worst good DC movie,” and it’s an assessment I fully agree with. It’s not as good as Aquaman, Wonder Woman, The Suicide Squad, the Snyder Cut, or Shazam!, and it’s definitely not as bad as stuff like Wonder Woman 1984 or Josstice League. It’s also a bit too enjoyable to be mid. It’s just a really solid movie held back from true greatness by some damning flaws… and really, that makes it the perfect capstone to the "Snyderverse," a cinematic universe that had some solid movies but was held back from greatness by incredibly bad ones.

[sweetlummie]

Rainbow

Joel Miller x fem!reader

A/n: Hello all, I’m not doing too good so here’s a little something I wrote to comfort myself I suppose. Also not proofread so any and all mistakes are mine! Btw this story was made with both game and show Joel in mind! As always constructive criticism is welcome! Enjoy! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! 🫶🫶💗💗

Warnings: depressing stuff and a little bit of suicidal/death thoughts (if you’re struggling with these thoughts and think you might be a danger to yourself please reach out and get help. You’re not alone and you are loved 💗)

W/c: 1k+

* ・‥…━━━━━━━ *˖◛⁺♡ ━━━━━━━…‥・

Stillness. Silence. You laid in your bed, staring up at the ceiling. You weren’t quite sure what you were feeling. You felt nothing. You couldn’t even find joy in the things you loved to do anymore. You couldn’t find it in you to interact with anyone either. You just disappeared. “I don’t belong here.” You often thought. You were certain no one would care if you just stopped, if you just left, if you just died. You felt your life as you knew it was insignificant and meaningless. Everyone else in the settlement seemed to be having fun, seemed to enjoy their life despite the horrors outside the walls. You should be more grateful that you found a safe place, you found somewhere to live a somewhat normal life in the apocalypse but you weren’t. You wished you weren’t here. The monotony of your life was suffocating your every fiber. When mornings would come you stayed in bed later than usual. You’ve let your responsibilities slip away from you as you simply didn’t care anymore. Maria would come to your house, you looked disheveled in a dirty oversized sweater and some tattered sweatpants. Your hair wild and greasy from lack of care. At first she was gonna scold you for being irresponsible but she took one look at you and just felt bad for you. The scolding words dying on her lips as she noticed the lackluster look in your eyes. You just looked dead.

A few more days pass and there’s a knock on your door. Sighing you willed yourself to get up and open it. Your eyes widen when you see who was standing on the other side. No one other than Joel Miller himself. You haven’t really spoken much to him, you both have been patrol partners once or twice and you volunteered at the school his kid attended often, helping them out in the library. Ellie became a close friend of yours as you had similar interests and hobbies. Joel himself was quite fond of you. You were a quiet girl yet you were such a spitfire. You never let anyone, even himself, boss you around or treat you badly. He liked that about you, you carried yourself well. So seeing you like this, broken and hopeless really surprised him.

“Hey sweetheart..” Joel gave you a small smile, he held a tub of something you couldn’t make out in his hands. “Oh- hey Joel.” You returned the smile and stepped aside. “Come in, what can I do for you?” You said as he made his way inside your house. He took a look around. A little messy, yet cozy. He wasn’t being judgemental because he knew you were going through a rough time. This whole visit came about when Ellie asked if he’s seen you, when he shook his head, the girl expressed her concern about how you essentially went missing for a few days that no one has seen you except Maria but she said you weren’t doing too well. He wasn’t one for caring about other people that weren’t his brother or Ellie but for some reason he felt worried about you, he felt compelled to check up on you.

“Jus’ wanted to see how ya were doin’.. uh I brought some cookies me and the kid made together.. nothin’ too special.” Joel said as walked into your kitchen, setting them down on the counter. You chuckled for the first time since your depressive episode. “You? Baking? Wow, color me impressed. You wanna take a seat and have some milk and cookies with me?” Joel laughed. The request was so innocent and truth be told, just seeing you, Joel would do whatever to spend more time with you. “Sure.” Joel replied as he took a seat.

You prepared the milk and brought it to him, placing it on the table along with your own. You went back to get the cookies from the counter and you set it between the both of you. You picked up a cookie and dunked it in your milk. Taking a bite, your eyes light up. “Woah- Joel these are amazing!!!” Joel smiles as he takes a cookie for himself and eats it. “Thanks, I take full credit- Ellie jus’ preheated the oven and mixed some ingredients. She got tired easily.” You laughed, you were really enjoying his company and his presence. Just this one visit alone made you feel so much better.

“So.. ya haven’t been around lately.. Ellie and I are really worried ‘bout ya darlin’. Everything okay?” Joel asked as he looked at your face, you averted your gaze to your hands. You were tapping your foot on the ground as for some reason you grew nervous. You weren’t used to anyone asking if you were okay, no one really cared about you. Why did he and his daughter care? “Uh yeah. I’m all good, don't worry..” Joel could immediately tell you were lying. “Darlin’.. it’s okay.. y’know you can talk to me right? I may not be good at givin’ advice or be any good at any of this emotional stuff but I’ll listen to whatever you need to get off your chest..”

Joel was honestly surprising you. You never expected him to be here let alone asking you to talk about your emotions. What strange times. You nodded as you both ate your cookies. Perhaps you wouldn’t tell him now what was wrong since it’s a whole lot of trauma you have to unpack and you don’t want to frighten the poor man. But the mere fact that Joel was in your house offering you emotional support and delicious baked goods warmed your heart and made you think that maybe there are people who care about you. People who would be affected if something were to happen to you. If there was anything you learned today was that in your bleak, gray life there were still slivers of rainbows in the form of people like Joel and Ellie who valued you more than anyone else did in your life.

* ・‥…━━━━━━━ *˖◛⁺♡ ━━━━━━━…‥・

[shadowofthelamp]

So, I'm introducing little Beatrice (my Billford kid) with a Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained! She came through the portal with Ford, and this was my first sketch but what she's wearing probably looks a bit more like Ford's goggles with the 'reveal' in NWHS.

She was co-created by Emmie/Fanart Anon!

Dipper holding up a sign: Welcome back to Dipper’s Guide to the Unexplained! Anomaly number 64: Aunt Beatrice. She arrived with Great-Uncle Ford, and she says that she’s twelve, but she keeps talking about things that Great-Uncle Ford said happened years before that as if she was there, and she refuses to take her goggles off that cover the upper half of her face, even when she sleeps. She also doesn’t seem to like leaving his side for long. A quirk from being raised dimension-hopping, or something stranger?

Mabel: Maybe she’s just heard lots of stories! I know I forgot that I didn’t go through Dream Boy High one day after a week’s worth of crazy dreams about it!

Dipper: But what about the goggles? Besides, I heard her talking about science-y equations at the table with Great-Uncle Ford after dinner last night, so she's smart- I don’t think she’d just forget she didn’t do something.

Mabel: Or maybe she’s just lying! She said she’s never really been around other kids before, right? Maybe she just wants us to like her. And it’s working! On me at least, you’re just-

Dipper: Mabel, I’m trying to be scientific about this, that’s all!

Mabel: Come on, Dipper, I think she’s just a little awkward. It has to be a little weird to have somebody Grandpa Shermie’s age as your dad.

Dipper, rubbing his arm: I wouldn’t mind having Great-Uncle Ford as a dad.

Mabel: That’s because you’re both nerds.

Dipper: Not the point! Anyway, right now, my theory is that she was part of some sort of hivemind, and the goggles hide bug eyes, the last piece left from her original form. She also really seems to like honey. Maybe Great-Uncle Ford helped to rescue her, and that’s why she still looks like him, because she modeled her form after him and now she sees him as her new queen! I’m going to show her the beekeepers near the petting zoo on the side of town and see how she reacts.

___

Dipper: And here we are!

*Camera cuts to Beatrice, wearing a yellow sweater with black stripes that Mabel made her*

Bea: Oh, insects! They’re so much smaller than the ones I’ve seen before. And they make Earth-honey?

Dipper: Don’t you want to take your goggles off to see the better?

Bea: Nah, I can see them just fine.

Dipper, glancing over at the camera: Anyway, what do you mean, you’ve seen them before?

Bea, stepping closer to the hives: Oh, Papa and I ran into a hive like these in a different dimension, but they were ten times the size and the hair on them was purple, since that helped them to blend in the with local flora. They were friendly if you brought gifts, though, and even let you trade for some of their honey if the gifts were sweet enough. One of them taught me to speak their language.

*Beatrice clears her throat before a buzzing sound emanates from it. Several bees land on her outstretched hand, curious.*

Bea: Look, they like me! Hey, Dipper, do you have any enemies? I bet I could set them loose as a favor for helping me yesterday!

Dipper, considering: Well, there is this one girl-

Bea: Just say the word! C’mon, little guys, you’d strip somebody down to the bone for me, wouldn’t you?

Dipper: I don’t think bees can do that.

Bea: Oh. Right. Maybe just a lot of stings? *She makes more buzzing noises, but as she finishes the last one, the bees begin to swarm* What did I say? What did I say?

Dipper, dropping the camera’s view to the ground as bees fill the screen: Whatever it was, run!

___

Dipper, as Mabel rubs lotion on his swollen cheek: This concludes today’s episode of Dipper’s Guide to the Unexplained. We still haven’t figured out exactly what’s up with our new aunt, but I think we can say with some certainty that she’s just as awkward with the local bees as she can be with the rest of us.

Mabel: But she looked really cool smacking them with that glowing whip thingie she pulled out of her pocket!

Dipper: ...Yeah, she did. This does require more investigating, but I'll get the board out once we're done with the-

Bea, popping her head into the bedroom door: Hey, what are you guys doing in here? Do you need more lotion?

Dipper: Nothing!

*Video ends*

[ncisladaily]

Why is Sam (LL COOL J) in Hawai’i? That’s the mystery that’s been set up across the first three episodes of NCIS: Hawai’i Season3, and as Vanessa Lachey told us, “Tennant will figure it out.” Well, we’re certainly seeing her trying to do just that.

It all began in the premiere, when Ernie (Jason Antoon) tried to get anything out of Sam, only to come to the conclusion that he’s hiding something, despite the agent’s insistence he’s not. Then, in the second episode, Swift (Henry Ian Cusick), on his way out, told Tennant that Sam was sticking around and she’d have to ask him why. Sam evaded the question and would only say that brass has him teaching a seminar on unconventional tactics in modern law enforcement.

Now, in the third episode, Ernie remains suspicious of Sam, especially since he’s going around telling everyone about that seminar, as he notes to Tennant. It’s odd, that NCIS would send its top OSP agent to Hawai’i to teach a class. She agrees, but she doesn’t get anything more out of Sam, who tells her she can’t attend the seminar because it’s fully booked.

Then, Tennant and Kai (Alex Tarrant) find Sam has taken over the war room—and set it to SCIF (sensitive compartmented information facility) level—for some work. “I was checking in with Kensi and Deeks back in LA, getting some details about a past case,” he claims, agreeing, when she suggests it, that it was for his seminar. “Safety first,” he says. Tennant’s clearly not buying any of it … which is why she tracks his visitor ID’s access and follows when he sets foot in the old admin basement across the street that hasn’t been used since WWII. Inside, she finds him teaching his seminar. It’s both as frustrating as Tennant finds it and entertaining as it sounds. But come on, would you expect this to play out any other way?

Karen Neal/CBS

At the end of the episode, Tennant joins Sam on his boat, and he again pretends he’s just in Hawai’i for the seminar. As far as an official cover goes, it’s a good one, she remarks, reminding him, “I spent half my life as a CIA officer. I know cover.” It doesn’t matter what she believes, she adds, just that she trusts him and she knows he’ll tell her why he’s really in Hawai’i when he can.

But we’re not as patient as Tennant is. Now, we have to wonder if Sam was really talking to Kensi and Deeks (played by Daniela Ruah and Eric Christian Olsen on NCIS: Los Angeles, which ended its 14-season run in May 2023) or someone else, plus if it was about a past case or something else. Before he came to the island, Sam was last seen in the LA finale in Morocco, alongside Callen (Chris O’Donnell), Nell (Renée Felice Smith), and the team she’d put together—including Nate (Peter Cambor) and Sabatino (Erik Palladino)—as part of the mission to rescue Hetty. He was still there and therefore in the neighborhood, when he came to Tennant and Kate’s (Tori Anderson) aid in the Hawai’i Season 2 finale.

Could Sam have been talking to Kensi and Deeks or someone from that team Nell put together about Hetty? We haven’t heard anything about that mission to rescue her. What if Sam’s in Hawai’i because that’s the only place to get information as to her location or something that will help there? Or maybe there’s another open case that Sam’s working and he was talking to Kensi and Deeks about that. It could even technically be a past case that was never closed and therefore he wasn’t technically lying to Tennant and Kai. This could be why LL COOL J was vague when we tried to find out if we’d get an update on any of the LA characters with him now on Hawai’i.

Whatever’s going on, at least it’s clear that we will get answers, with Ernie suspicious and Tennant letting Sam know that he can talk to her when he can. What do you think is going on? Let us know in the comments below.