#I have to sit on this a while more wow

[leadandblood]

RE drunkJop: this also gives Crozier's own drinking issues such an intriguing flavour because ofc the captain cannot be flogged so. Jop having to deal with that, maybe with resentment. Who knows maybe he himself had gotten drunk because he was done with Crozier's bullshit. Or meaning to do away with the recent bottle. (dont mind me I am just rattling the bars of your braincells' cage so that they may run free)

*the cage breaks open and my braincells scatter in every direction like this:*

IT'S EVEN SUPPORTED BY THE SHOW IN A WAY. At least in my humble reading of it.

We all know Nedward is mad when Crozier drinks but (although subtly) Jopson hates it just as much. You can see it if you pay attention to him enough. He's not exactly angry, but he HATES it when Crozier is drunk. I've made a post about it before i think *furious searching* found this one at short notice but i've definitely made more. He absolutely HATES it.

When Francis punches Fitzjames, Tom just leans against a cabinet and stays there, breathing like he's trying to calm down.

The little pause and a big eyed look before he says "two bottles, sir" has been haunting me since i thought abt it too hard one day.

A good reason for this attitude towards Crozier when he's drunk would be the "i got lashed for less and here he is still in command of a ship" attitude, or maybe, from another angle, it may be "oh my god Captin what the FUCK are you doing" thoughts.

Since he would have been just 23 (which is Insane to me HE WAS SO YOUNG WJAT THE FUWK) and the drunkenness was on duty AND severe enough for 36 lashes (jesus...) it must have been REALLY BAD i reckon.

Of course if we take the show canon, then he may be drinking because of his mother. He left her there, hand maimed, with his brother... Must have felt terrible the poor lad. Even though she wanted him to go, he might have had second thoughts. Maybe felt like like he shouldn't have left.

I think that's a really good reason.

But. If we diverge fron that a bit and step aside for a moment... Take a breather...

I think Crozier's (very bad) love language is giving people way too many/hard tasks. I SWEAR i just saw a post about it recently but i cannot for the life of me find it. How Crozier puts Little under so much preassure Because he loves and trusts him. Maybe he was doing that and more to Jopson during the Antarctic expedition. Maybe Jopson just couldn't handle the work/stress/preassure/whatever Crozier was putting him through at 23. But he was too proud to admit it/didn't want to disappoint him, so he turned to drinking. Maybe he thought nobody would notice? But then it got out of hand.

Two ways this could've gone after the lashing.

The way he's quick to fulfil commands in the show could be "you can't break me again, not like back then" kind of quiet, invisible defiance. He might think it wasn't deserved or at least not to such an extent and hold some resentment toward Crozier for it.

On the other hand he could be trying to prove to him that he's Better now and he's Stronger now and More Capable, Look, Daddy, Look At Me Aren't I So Much Better Now. Could be trying to undo all the shame from disappointing him back then with being the perfect steward now, going above and beyond although he doesn't need to.

Really an interesting thing to think about, to me. Which way did he swing? I need to think more abt this. Anyway.

It would also explain why he doesn't drink in the show! Since drinking on the job was the source of his previous punishment he'd be more likely to decline that shot from Blanky.

Then! Crozier goes dry and Teeheehee Just Like Meeee 🥰🥰 Ofc I'll Help You Get There Captiiin 🥰 And he might get a sick little kick out of it at first, because it finally feels like justice.

But then it goes on for one day too many and it's painful to watch and he starts feeling really bad for Francis. Like it's his fault Crozier's suffering so badly and he stays beside his bed for so many hours of the day and guards him so fiercly because he feels like he somehow caused it. And he doesn't want people to see the captain that way. He wants everyone to respect him and maybe to Jopson this would be the worst thing to come out of it. People not respecting Crozier.

Because nobody could understand his suffering like Jopson does of course! Nobody at all! And least of all Edward who's never had such problems but Tommy and Francis ooh they have so much in common now! He'd be insufferable about it.

(I've played with the thought of drunk Jopson in the fic, but not that much and i would love to expand on it... The Antarctic expedition in '39 would be the best way to do that it seems *sinister laughter*)

Moving on though. Timeskip!

When scurvy takes over him and his lash wounds open again he's really brave (stupid) about it and doesn't tell anyone. But it Hurts so fucking bad. So then he tells Bridgens, whom he trusts not to tell anyone and also to help him. Bridgens dresses his wounds and tells him to "Rest for god's sake". But we know Jopson ://

He doesn't rest and it gets worse and worse and he gets weak really fast until he falls while hauling one day and doesn't get up.

Crozier feels like Shit because well He Supervised that lashing. He's the Cause of this. He could've probably Stopped it, but he Didn't. He may have even ordered that lashing to be done. Oooh he'd feel so fucking miserable.

This is giving "300k fic" vibes and i don't know if im ready for that but GOD i so want to write it now. Thank you for stirring these thoughts, Anon 💖💖🙇

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Lackadaisy Enrichment

[icewindandboringhorror]

I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol

[johnnyutah]

SAD ABOUT ADAM

[heartual]

had such a good experience with surgery today i can’t even fully explain

[what-the-fuck-khr]

oh yeah so I’ve basically finished base colours for Takeshi so he’s coming along 👌🏻

here’s the raw provided by @boxanimal (they’re scanning and uploading all the manga in incredible quality to Mega!! bc of space my sister downloaded the file for this, and as someone who isn’t into reading manga she also marvelled the quality hah) and a good ol’ cleaned up and redrawn version by me for my colour wheel (yes yes, spoiler for the colour wheel, sorry) please ignore. the Watermark there lmfao

ANYWAYS MAIN POINTS ARE 1) Takeshi is coming along swimmingly for the colour wheel which is back in action I WILL FINISH IT BEFORE THE YEAR ENDS I PROMISE and 2) is that boxanimal is doing an incredible job with the manga!! please go support them and their hard work!!

[kirby-the-gorb]

[hawkeyedflame]

.

[oblako]

the latest i love yoo episodes... i'm shaking oh my god

[shego1142]

I super recommend Colleen Christensen for more info on eating without food rules and eating intuitively!

Her videos are helping me unravel a lot of issues I have struggled with regarding food!

Just the simple act of not shaming yourself for craving and or eating specific foods can be so powerful and beneficial to your life/mental health (which in turn affects all of your health)

"craving a food means your body needs something that food can offer" now what the fuck does my body need with an ice cream

[krockat]

I hate feeling so embarrassed I get heated up, the worst. esp after doing some shit mistake.

augh. i hate how bad i am at relationships

[pibsboots]

I've always had chronic fatigue. I remember being twelve, and an adult mentioned how I couldn't possibly know how tired they felt because adulthood brought levels of exhaustion I couldn't imagine. I thought about that for days in fear, because I couldn't remember the last time I didn't feel tired.

Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I was just tired, and I couldn't do as many things as everyone else. People called me lazy, and I knew that wasn't true, but there's only so many times you can say "I'm tired" before people think it's an excuse. I don't blame them. When a teenager does 20 hours of extracurriculars every week and only says "I'm too tired" when you ask them to do the dishes, it's natural to think it's an excuse. At some point, I started to think the same thing.

It didn't matter that I could barely sit up. It was probably all in my head, and if I really wanted to, I could do it.

When I learned the name for it, chronic fatigue, I thought wow, people that have that must be miserable, because I am always tired and I cannot imagine what it would feel like if it were worse.

Spoiler alert, if you've been tired for a decade, it's probably chronic fatigue.

Once I figured that out though, I thought of my energy as the same as everyone else's, just smaller in quantity. And that might be true for some people, but I've figured out recently that it absolutely isn't true for me.

I used to be like wow I have so much energy today I can do this whole list for sure! And then I'd do the dishes and have to lay down for 2 hours. Then I'd think I must gave misjudged that, I didn't have as much energy as I thought.

But the thing is - I did have enough energy for more tasks, I just didn't go about them properly.

With chronic fatigue, your maximum energy is obviously much smaller than the average person's. Doing the dishes for you might use up the same percentage of energy that it takes to do all the daily chores for someone else.

If someone without chronic fatigue was to do all the daily chores, they would take breaks. Because otherwise, they're sprinting a marathon for no reason and it would take way more energy than necessary. We have to do the same.

Put the cups in the dishwasher, take a break. Put the bowls in, take a break. So on and so forth. This may mean taking breaks every 2-5 minutes but afterwards, you get to not feel like you've run a marathon while carrying 4 people on your back.

Today, I had a moderate amount of energy. Under my old system of go till you drop, I probably could have done most of the dishes and wiped off the counter and then been dead to the world for the rest of the day.

Under the new system, I scooped litter boxes, cleaned out the fridge, took the trash out, cleaned the stove, and wiped off the counter and did all the dishes. And after all that, I still had it in me to make a simple dinner, unload the dishwasher, and tidy the kitchen.

It was complete and utter insanity. Just because I sat down whenever I felt myself getting more tired than I already was.

All this to say, take fucking breaks. It's time to unlearn the ceaseless productivity bullshit that capitalism has shoved down our throats. Its actively counterproductive. Just sit down. Drink some water. Rest your body when it needs to rest.

There will still be days where there is nothing to do but rest, and days where half a load of dishes is absolutely the most I can do. But this method has really helped me minimize those, which is so incredibly relieving.

[halfricanloveyou]

it’s actually not rare. ignorance is far more common but actual malice is pretty frequent. people just manipulate you and the people around you into excusing it. learning to differentiate between the two, and to assume ignorance but being vigilant for malice is vital. being unable to do that puts you at risk for abuse.

another thing to be aware of is the fact that malice and ignorance can be the exact same thing. if someone does not know and refuses to understand or learn they are deliberately being malicious.

Don’t assume malice. Assume ignorance. Life is easier, the world is kinder, and you can educate. Actual malice is pretty rare, I find. 

[djsangos]

//WHY AM I GETTING MUSCLE SPASMS MROE OFTEN AGAIN I'VE HAD 2 IN AS MANY DAYS I'M IN HELL

[drill-teeth-art]

Wow! Here’s something incredibly personal.

This is Good Bi Gender. A comic I made to express some feelings I have about my gender. I don’t really have that much else to say about it. Here it is.

[Image Description: A digital comic made with sharp, angular abstract lines and only the colors white, blue, pink, and black. The featured character is all white, except for facial features and hair colors, which changes from panel to panel. The comic reads: Cover Panel: The text "Good Bi Gender", the words colored with the trans flag. It shows a glitchy person's face, half pink and half blue. Panel 1: White text reads: "Hello. My name is apparently irrelevant. And my pronouns are he/him and she/her. But you can't call me she/her. And here's why." Someone with a half-pink and half-blue shirt looks to the side. One eye is covered with hair, and the other eye is pink while the iris is blue.

Panel 2: The character sits happily, imagining facial hair and a masculine voice. "I don't want top surgery. I love my chest. And I dream about being on testosterone someday soon." The character looks at a phone, frowning. The phone shows the male symbol with an "X" through it. Text next to it reads: “People don't seem to think that the features I dream of are very pretty though... Or they think even worse of them than that…”

Panel 3: The character’s features are all pink, and sits in a blank frame. The character reaches over to a blue frame, frowning. “I don't like the animosity. I really despise it.” A photo of the character shows an all-blue frame and blue hair, with pink outlines and facial features. “To be a boy... I aspire to be one. I aspire to be masculine in all its handsomeness. All its prettiness.” Panel 4: The character sits in an all blue panel, but reaches back out to the pink panel. “And I'm still a girl too. I was so excited to have both. To love both. To have handsome femininity. Beautiful masculinity.” The frames break and connect, and pink and blue swirl together. The character smiles in between the frames, with one pink eye and one blue eye. “So excited. And yet I get asked…”

Panel 5: Two hands hold out two different pills to the character, one blue and one pink. They ask “Male? or Female?” using the male and female symbols.The character, facial features an array of pink and blue, looks between the two hands, distressed. “It's both! I'm both! They're not opposites. Not narrow boxes. I say I'm both despite the insistence that I can't be. And I know what I look like. I know I look like a girl to most. I know that if I say people can call me she, that's all I will get from most. Because it's "easier". It "makes more sense". To have my masculinity, I am often forced to be unflinching in it and it alone. To never use she. Because if I don't, I will never get to have he.” [The words "she" and "he" are italicized.] Panel 6: Text reads: “I'm still very happy to be so comfortable in my identity. To know, despite all that, that I am indeed a boy and a girl and both. But you know. Telling people to only use he/him for me. Guarding my masculinity all just to have it. All at the expense of the part of me who is happily and unashamedly a girl.” The character cries from one pink eye, the other hidden. The character holds a pink girl in a sea of blue, the girl crying out. In the midst of the blue, text reads: “Well, it fucking breaks her heart.” End ID]

Edit: @starberry-skies wrote an ID for the comic, so I added it to the og post with its permission!

[bitterrfruit]

Simon forgets how strong he is

18+ MDNI - cw: bruising - ~700 words

just some Simon Riley NSFW brainrot ♥︎ - part 2-ish, and part 3-ish here!!

Simon forgets how to be gentle.

When he's at war, fighting and shooting and killing day and night, all he knows is hardness. Brutality. Ruthlessness. His hands and heart grow calloused and rough in his months away from you. Using his unfathomable strength to survive is what he grows used to, it becomes second nature.

But it's your softness he remembers, to keep himself sane. It's all he thinks about. Dreams of.

The way the flesh of your hips, your ass, your breasts, your belly, pillows so deliciously between his fingers when he squeezes his handful - so warm, so supple. The way your vanilla-balmed lips graze his scarred skin so tenderly, however undeserved your sweetness is.

And when he finally returns home, after months of missing, craving you - when you stand in the door, honey thighs bare by virtue of the black panties you wore just to torture him, soft tummy peeking out from under your crop-top - he just can't restrain himself.

You greet him with your sugary smile, stretching up on your toes to curl your loving arms around his neck - your gentle voice, music; "Si, ah! I'm so glad you're okay…"

The moment your velvet skin touches his, his shackles crumble. Like a beast starved, he clutches you. Mammoth arms curl around you, constricting, gripping you eagerly like you might be a dream; liable to turn to a memory, to smoke.

His avaricious embrace lifts your feet from the ground, though he doesn't mean to - he burrows his nose and mouth into the crook of your neck, lets the curls of your hair smother him and fill his chest with the faint scent of your fruity shampoo. Fights every urge to take a bite, like you're a ripe nectarine.

Growls into your skin, through his jaw; "I fuckin' missed you, love. Christ, you have no idea how much I missed you."

"I missed you too, baby…" you coo into his ear, even your breathing is tender - he can't take it.

So he ferries you immediately to the sitting room, scoops you up like you weigh nothing, lets you coil your buttery thighs around his waist as he sits you on his lap on the sofa.

His wide hands take their greedy handfuls of your body - of your waist, of your hips, of your thighs, of your ass. Finally indulging the impulses he had dreamed about for so long - the very image he had fucked his fist to more times than he could count while parted from you.

With his teeth on your shoulder, tongue laving your warm skin; "So fuckin' soft," he grumbles deeply, and urges, "pretty thing. So soft. Fuck, I missed you."

His cock is hasty to grow boulder-solid under his trousers, and he chastises himself - but you answer with a cloying giggle, grinding your mound against its rigidity as if to torment him.

"Mm, you did miss me," you tease, little brat.

Then in an instant, all he can think about is the softness of your syrupy pussy, the gumminess of the inside of your cunt as its walls caress and milk his cock like it was built just to fit him.

You make him fucking ravenous, so voraciously eager to have you that he doesn't even notice his hands turn to vices around your flesh - fingers burrowing so deeply into the cheek of your ass that he might break through the skin.

"Ah!" You yelp, "Ow - Simon - you're hurting me-"

Your squeak of pain is enough to immediately shatter him - so he rapidly lifts you off of him, protecting you from his impulse. Stands you on your feet so that you're no longer victim to his inability to control himself.

"Shit, I'm sorry-" he grunts under his breath, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it's-" Your brows curl in worry, turning to look at where he had clawed you - and he sees the purple bruises where his hand had wrenched the flesh of your ass, the red lines where his fingernails had nearly punctured you. "Oh," you breathe at the sight, "…wow."

Drowning in visceral shame, he can barely bring himself to touch you again. But your soft hand caresses his hair, running through the sandy tresses - you, somehow, the one to comfort him.

"It's okay, baby, I know you didn't mean to," you purr fondly, and he leans forward to shamefully press as soft a kiss as he can into the bruise he gave you. Fucking monster.

"I'm sorry," he croaks into your skin, hoping his guilt will reverse his barbarity. "I just missed you."

"I know," you croon, turning to plant a loving kiss into his hair. "It's okay."

You guide him to lean back, mounting his lap again, letting your pelvis grind against the erection you were quick to reawaken.

His hands barely ghosting over your skin, he restrains himself, touches you carefully.

You whisper, into his stubbled cheek; "I'll show you how to be gentle again."