#I have to remind myself of the same
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Writing has been hard for me lately. A lot of things have happened in the past year for me that damaged my zest to write. But that passion doesn't ever truly die, I think, so I'm doing my best to pick myself and continue doing what I love. So here's my contribution to Karamatsu month. A very candid conversation and a gentle reminder.
When Karamatsu had asked you to take a walk with him, you initially had thought nothing of it. Often you two would walk Akatsuka Park together; you, because you enjoyed the benefit of being able to clear your mind with some fresh air, and he because it was how you two met, so it held a special place in the grand scheme of your friendship.
“Ah, does the air not smell so wonderfully crisp?” Karamatsu inhales, stretching his arms out as his lungs take in the cool afternoon air. You get lost in your own breathing for a second, “Just the season for it too,” a small smile ghosts over your lips, “I love this time of year.”
Karamatsu hums in agreement, arms crossing over his chest as he slides his eyes closed and walks with a purposeful blindness.
Your mind shifts to light conversation, “How was your week? Anything new with your brothers?”
His chuckle is airy as he peaks an eye open toward you, “Raucous as ever - but how could they not be? We share the same fire in our blood after all.”
This made you laugh as you recalled that same exact “fiery blood” getting them in trouble with Chibita just the other night. Karamatsu hears your laughter and mirrors it, thinking of his brothers and their antics - antics he’s very much always a part of. He recollects the memories that have permanently altered his life; how he wouldn’t trade them for the world. Yet as you both walk, a chill runs through the leather of his jacket. The reality of his adulthood creeps up and reminds him that even this situation - spending every day of his adult life with his brothers, living without much to care about, or even the luxury of getting to have these walks with you whenever it pleases you both - may be temporary. But such is life, isn’t it? Shouldn’t a man his age strive for independence and distance so as to be free of burdening his family? Karamatsu tucks his hands into his armpits, a certain vulnerability striking him now. You feel the difference in his attitude almost instantly.
“Kara…you okay?”
His answer doesn’t come right away, though he still walks with you without missing a step. His signature shades have slid down the bridge of his nose a tad, revealing the troubled look of his downcast eyes and knitted brows. In searching for a response he remains silent; though this renders to you as him not having heard you. “Karamatsu…?” you call out again, worry lacing in your utterance of his name.
The wrinkles in his brows grow deeper, “Am I…a burden?”
The timbre of his voice was far lighter than normal, hesitance coating his words in a way you weren’t expecting. You tilt your head with some confusion, not understanding his question as it’s phrased, “What do you mean?”
The cedar hues of his eyes drift off to the side as though he meant to avoid your gently bewildered expression.
“I just…I think of my brothers…I think of how we’re still living at home,” he chews his lip as he continues, “We’re adults…and yet we rely so heavily on our parents.”
You nod as you take in his words, the idea of what he’s trying to ask beginning to formulate in your head. Karamatsu removes his hands, looking down at the guitar-worn digits, “I…” the sigh he lets out is palpable, “I feel like I have nothing to show for myself or my future. I need to know when I’ll be more than just…this.”
Your heart sinks as you see the hurt show in full bloom on Karamatsu’s face. It’s a subject of conversation you often avoid with him, not out of dishonesty, but because you’ve seen what the call of independence has done to his family in the past. It’s a sore topic, you know this. Yet your hands find one of his own, enclosing the now tightly grasped fist and gently easing his fingers open to accept the warmth of your comforting ones.
“Those are answers that take time…no one ever knows right away what their future holds.”
Karamatsu looks on at the delicate hold you have on his hand before finally locking eyes with you.
“Give yourself time and grace,” you say softly, “You’re exactly where you need to be…and the people who love you are happy to have the time with you that they do.”
He swallows thickly at your words, there’s a kindness to them he feels he doesn’t deserve - but he absorbs each letter nonetheless. His free hand unfurls from its frustrated grasp, coming to blanket your reassuring touch with his own, thankful, one. He loses the ability to speak for just a moment, but he silently prays that the sincerity in his eyes reflects how grateful he is for you. You lend him a bright smile, tugging on the same you were still encasing, “Come, let’s finish our walk before it gets too cold.”
The weight that on his shoulders shakes free of its hold as he’s yanked forward a hair. He stumbles before he remembers to walk accordingly, and he finds his steps feel lighter now. The pleased silence between you two doesn’t last long as he inhales once more, “Ah…”
Seeing him return to his usual self brings you joy, but that is quickly replaced with playful annoyance when he says, “I must be rubbing off on you, darling, with how poetic with your words you’re becoming,” the statement paired with the glint of his grin and his arms flared out in a dramatic display. You can’t stop your eyes from rolling though it’s easily accompanied by affectionate laughter, “If you say so, Karamatsu.”
#As I've said in the past: it's okay to not have all the answers right now#I have to remind myself of the same#anyway I love him#here's some comfort#but this time we're comforting him#ososan#osomatsu san#karamatsu#karamatsu x reader#x reader#comfort#karamatsu matsuno#karamatsu month#ososan fanfic#osomatsu san fanfiction
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10 years later
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itafushi#itafushikugi#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#least heterosexual group photo ive ever drawn tbh#u have the kings of subtle pda and their judgy lesbian third wheel#this does remind me a lot of the kind of art i used to do jhgdjghdfj#specifically that one furuba main trio piece i did forever ago. same vibe better art#anyway......i tried my best........ i tried so hard#i do not know how old they look . the goal was 25/26 but atp i've gaslit myself into thinking they look the same#especially megumi im so . throws hands in the air in defeat#but idk what else i can do cries at least i like it??? i think???????#i don't know!!! if they look younger than 25 whatever!!!!!!!!#why is it so hard fr me to make chars look older im gna slam my head against the door#maybe its fine. idc <- (lie)#in other news itfs are married fight me abt it . yuuji rockin the right hand ring fr Lack Of Finger reasons#also i am Eating nobara's fit . she might also look a bit younger than intended the more i look at her gDI why cant i have nice things#new hairstyle carrying tbh. i think she would a. grow it out and b. switch the side she parts it on to make Seeing easier#god just take it all tht really matters 2 me is low pony nobara and Rings On Fingers itfs#i did my time in yoi i know how to make wedding bands Work
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May have dipped my toes into the malevolent pool.
My take on Arthur, I'm only on s3, don't crucify me if I'm wrong.
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#Jon doe#the king in yellow#This podcast might have a bit of a grip on me#It's okay I have it under control#I can control myself the same way Arthur can see#The relationship reminds me of Johnny and V. except make Johnny venom and make V blind#Just a man who can't make a good decision and his brain parasite learning morality#I wouldn't be able to make good decisions with an Eldritch God in my brain either#Why yellow?
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#meme#jumblr#lashon hara#לשון הרע#from my understanding L'H technically doesn't apply when speaking about ones self#HOWEVER framing it in this way reminds me how awful doing it is. so while yes it's not the same as speaking about someone else#it's still Not A Good Thing To Do#i have such a horrible habit of speaking/thinking nothing BUT bad things about myself#to the point that it absolutely would be L'H if it were about someone else#so i think framing it like this is just a reminder of what the speaking/thinking about myself really is#i'm not trying to justify making this meme by the way - i just want to clarify any confusion in case it isn't translated well through this
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Cool awesome reminder that you don’t need amazing technical skill to be a good artist/storyteller
#I still compare myself to other people but also like. Damn. What if I don’t need to#That’s literally what working with other people is for . so you can fill in for eachother and make an awesome thing :)#Reminder that Toby Fox is not a skilled visual artist LOL he makes concept art in mspaint#Ik He’s more of a composer / character writer but you know what I mean. He works with other people to bring those ideas to life#You don’t have to be good at everything !!#Txt#art#I say this because rendering pieces of art takes me dozens of hours and it’s literally so much work and I hate it sometimes#Ok then make a simple stylistic choice instead of doing a giant painting !! it will still carry the same or maybe even greater impact#I still want to make awesome giant beautiful pieces of art (illustration) but alas I don’t have infinite energy#I usually only make sketches instead and that doesn’t mean they’re unfinished. Maybe that’s just all they’re meant to be#Until I change my mind at least 🩷#Adhd#Honestly anything that gets your idea across is good enough. Depends on the idea
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#me.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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Okay now where's the Seb teddy bear so I can make them kiss each other!?
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#okay btw you can credit the last frame to suzuki#bcs she brought up the pig stuffed animal that seb kept as a good luck charm when he was karting#and suggested the same with fernando's bear :DDD#also feeling weirdly sappy abt the fact that theres pics of fernando in the ferrari garage w an almost identical pig like ??????#anyways please yes have this random vettonso comic 🥰🥰#im working on a bigger vettonso drawing rn so i made this quick in the meantime!#icl i saw the fernando teddy bear. and i made the eyebrow post and whatever#but there was also just this image in the back haunting me of him gifting one to seb#I AM DELUSIONAL!!!#its just so cute to imagine it as like 'heres a memento of me to keep you company' 🥺🥺🥺🥺#funny tho cause i had the same exact imagine for my ocs and i never drew a comic version for them yet drew this real quick#the power of vettonso takes hold of me sometimes.....#tfw you take a break from your vettonso painting youve been working on for a wk+ to go draw a vettonso comic#i have a problem.#ANYWAYS THIS IS SO CUTE WAAAHHHH#drew it as cope bcs in trying to restrain myself from buying the fernando teddy bear#if i cant have it ill make seb have it yknow 🤭🤭🤭#wah this reminded i should draw more little comics theyre not too hard tbh#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#catie.art
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Regulus cries more often than not. It's something he's picked up on during the war. When he felt like there wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel, when he felt as if he couldn't differentiate between the nightmares to reality. He doesn't sleep because of it, he just spends his nights crying. Walburga told him he sounded like a wailing baby. She doesn't look at him.
But James notices he cries more after the cave. Mornings, afternoons, nights. He can hear it from his room. When he eats breakfast. When he slips under the blankets. During meetings. It rings in his ears. In Sirius' too, he can tell.
They don't do anything about it in the beginning. James didn't want to be overbearing, so he just let Regulus be, let him cry it all out. But it seemed as if there wasn't a bottom in the endless pit. Regulus just kept crying. Crying. And when he isn't, he just stares off. It isn't much better than the wailing.
One day, it gets too much. When he hears Regulus crying, he walks into the younger's room and starts to cry as well when he sees Regulus doing nothing but just sitting at the end of his bed. His face was in his hands and crying, wailing, again and again.
"I'm sorry, I-I'm sorry..." James says repeatedly. He doesn't know how, but he finds himself kneeling in front of Regulus, his face buried in the younger's knees. They are both crying. He's apologizing and Regulus is wailing without words.
It's almost comforting. The two of them acting like a complete mess together. Sobbing in each other presence. Holding onto each other for dear life because they don't know when it will slip from their grasp during the war. It's so comforting that James doesn't realize when they've stopped crying until his weak and broken repeating of, "I'm sorry" is finally stopped by Regulus carding his fingers into his curly and whispering, "I'm sorry too."
They both feel lighter after that.
#i actually don't know why i wrote this#but my mind the entire time was just#regulus would look so pretty when he cries regulus would look so pretty when he cries regulus would look so pretty when he cries-#💥🤛 I NEED TO GET MYSELF TOGETHER#its like tuberculosis during the 1800s#walburga getting war flashbacks from reg's crying cuz it reminds her of when he was an infant#sirius is having the exact same flashbacks btw#regulus parenting squad 💪#marauders era#regulus black#james potter#jegulus#starchaser#james x regulus#first wizarding war#sunseeker#jegulus microfic#poor james#again#florsial's microfics
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It’s just… it is everything that Cardan thought Jude would notice his “SO OBVIOUS” exile riddle and thinks Jude to not hesitate to come back. Beside his certainty of her cleverness to piece the riddle together, he believed he was that clear about his feelings toward her; he had thought she absolutely ought to know how he feels for her.
Like oh buddy. BUDDY. Your wife had thought of the answer to your little riddle like you thought she would. But guess what? She has detrimental TRUST ISSUES. (Like… Ur super mean and hot, I can’t blame her.) Anyway.. it’s SUPER adorable of him to so wholeheartedly believe she wouldn’t question his trust. It reveals so much about his pov of thier relationship.
Jude thought Cardan’s (silly) trick was a (vile) trick, when it was simply a: “Im trying to impress/pay you back in kind with our romantic metaphorical sparring and eventually get you out of political drama for a bit,” trick.
I’m fucking laughing wow these delusional ass children I fucking love them.
#IM JUST NOW REALIZING I SPELT THEIR WRONG AND IM SO EMBARRASSED#at least it was the right their😭😭#THEYRE SO REAL LMFAOOOOOO#like they both were so hot ofc they constantly questioned the validity of each others feelings#if the last part didn’t make sense I’ll explain#she knew he had tricked her into exile and when Jude was like ‘can I pardon myself?’ she thought it was another trick to humiliate her#like girl it was to do THE OPPOSITE of humiliation#HE WAS SENDING YOU TO SAFETY UNTIL YOU COULD COME BACK AND FLAUNT UR NEW POSITION#but basically it revealed that he loved like Jude loves#that they have the same heart#(he’s not like the reg folk. he grew up around so many mortals as she did the folk)#but he’s a faerie so he doesn’t take caution to being unpredictable#Jude even knew: the folk could be humanlike but they (the folk) inevitably would do something to remind her that they STILL ARE folk#though she had too easily assumed that the folk acting like the folk meant betrayal#he thought the whole marriage thing had meant she fully trusted him#because he knew how hard it would be for her to give up her power over him#and he thought because that she had given up her ability to command him(comma) that she couldn’t doubt trusting him any longer#queen of nothing#the cruel prince#the wicked king#Jude Duarte#jurdan#cardan greenbriar#tfota#I’ve known them since I was 13 they’re much older in my stubborn pov#also me using the semi colon as if I’m sure that it’s proper grammar LMAOOOOO#confidence is key
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Guess who had a little too much fun with the pathetic reincarnation AU idea :))
To summarize! WW gets reincarnated in a very distant future where humanity is more settled down in the planet. He remembers everything and decides to keep living his life as normally as he is able to. That is until he meets his neighbor when he moved to a new apartment.
(More below the cut)⬇️
He was an absolute weirdo of a guy who looked just like Vash in so many ways yet was so different in many others at the same time.
He pretends that his system isn’t going haywire every time he is around the man, the one that resembles someone he cared for so deeply in a life that wasn’t his but remembers all too well. He decides to pretend he doesn’t know Vash because he really doesn’t, not this one at least.
Meanwhile, Vash is going through a very trippy existential crisis for seeing Wolfwood again after what felt like dozens of centuries. This could clearly not be him however because, well, he knows why. So he pretends not to know him because wouldn’t that be weird if he acted like he did?
They avoid each other like the plague, the beautiful and horrible emotions that swarmed on their insides too much to bear just by the presence of the other. They could slip at any moment so it was better to evade the neighbor.
The thing here is, that life has never gone how they want it since ever.
#MANY IDEAS WAAAAA EXPLODING IMPLODING PLODING#It’s so funny to think about how fucked up these two are and put em in a sitcom kinda situation#I have much more sketched out but it’s gonna take some time because of how busy I am rn#this is something I did in my little spare time I gave to myself because oh I HAD to#I think of the sunglasses that Vash wears are that color bc they reminded him of WW ones and bought them on s whim#the red jacket is the stampede one since it’s design is more modern and fit much better for the whole environment!#and WW is shorter in this lifetime because I said so. fully on board with them being the same build#but for this. for this he has to look up at Vash and be hit with the I feel so Small now.#as in. intimidated. he’s afraid of Vash bc of how weird he acts around him it drives him nuts#Vash is much more imposing now somehow. most likely due to his ancient nature for that time but WW doesn’t know this ofc#I WANT TO SAY SO MUCH MORE WAAA NO MORE UNI AU AFTER THE FIC IS DONE#ITS THIS ONE IVE DECIDED.#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#vashwood#wolfwood#vash#nicholas trigun#trigun fanart#trigun au#reincarnation au#lenssi draws#lenssi writes#im really enjoying scanning the mechanical pencil drawings I do. the texture is so crumchy
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playing around w slightly different hair renders
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#yuuji#megumi#cries megumi fought tooth n nail..... i refused 2 flip the canvas tho >:(#i vastly prefer drawing him facing right bc fr some reason it makes his hair look better silhouette-wise#so having him face left is alr a Challenge#but also having him slightly look down (difficult angle + changes the silhouette) had me bashing my head in2 th TABLE#same thing happened earlier this month w gardening megu middle pose . i did not learn my lesson#but even worse w this one yuuji's head is blocking th main pointy part tht basically carries the entirety of the shape language#u can imagine my distress i am sure#anyway th render made me a lot happier with it thank god. colours hard carry bless <3333#i didn't plan on making it a full sheet but i needed 2 remind myself that im good at drawing megumi#so i threw in solos of each of them n tried slightly different render flavours#idk how Different all of them look visually but th process fr each ws Very different so i am satisfied#fight aside this ws useful i think! got 2 break out some Clunkier chalks n dust off a few of my smoother blended brushes#think i picked up some things i can keep also !! which ws. u kno. the Goal#tbh every time i do art studies i feel like i am kirby#one time i got called an art ditto by one of my fav artist mutuals when i did a style challenge#SUCH high praise from her it lives in my mind i take it out on days when i feel like trash#it doesnt Sound good when u say u r good at copying but real talk it is such a good skill i am very happy 2 have it in my arsenal
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I am the Same Person I was in August
"Oom Sha La La", Haley Heynderickx//"All That Wanting, Right?", Devin Kelly// "Funeral" Phoebe Bridgers//"Extracting the Stone of Madness", Alejandra Pizarnik// "Little Beast", Richard Siken// all photos are mine! Photography on @el3ctraaa
#web weaving#poetry#prose#spilled ink#intertextuality#haley heynderickx#devin kelley#phoebe bridgers#alejandra pizarnik#richard siken#sooooo it's been a sec since the last time i made a web weaving lollllll#this one is basically just me being at my parents house and miserable#like i thought to myself wow i was so happy in june but then july comes and reminds me I'm the same person i was in may!#who was the same person i was last may and the may before and wowwwwww I can't escape myself!#no matter how happy i think i can be and how long i think i can make it last i like have to face myself again#and this myself is like the awful thing but i know it's me because it just feels like it#and i feel like i did all this shit last year and i thought i had truly changed my life but I didn't i am still the same shitty awful perso#and that's what i wanted to convey with this
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˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚ 𝓻𝔂𝓾𝓱𝓪𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓶
there was an ache in my heart when i awoke in a strange, beautiful world that wasn’t my own. even as months turned to years, i still missed the familiar skies, the voice of loved ones and the home i had left behind. i wrote letters that went nowhere and whispered silent prayers that reached no one. it was like i was plucked from my own reality and placed in a world where i didn’t quite belong.
yet, as much as i longed for home, i was determined to learn in this new life. sumeru became my sanctuary and the akademiya, my solace. i learned their languages, customs, and secrets while sharing stories of the stars, landmarks, and beauty of my own world. the scholars listened, fascinated by the similarities and differences, but none more than al-haitham—a student assigned to guide me through this foreign land. he was a quiet presence. thoughtful and curious. he did not pity me.
and over time, he went from guide to peer to something more. over time, i wasn’t just seeking knowledge but also him. but what was the point? what was the point of falling for him if one day, i could just disappear—vanish back to my world, leaving him and teyvat behind? this could slip away at any moment. this might be as fleeting as a dream.
despite all reason, i still found myself loving him deeply. in a world that wasn’t my own, he had become my home.
𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬: very slow burn, mutual pining, friends to lovers
𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐔𝐒: 22.10.22 | playlist | genshinverse ryu
𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐒: modern au | season of love
#is this an intro… or a drabble…#i got carried away#did i really just isekai myself into the genshinverse?#yes#don’t laugh at me please !!!!#be kind please !!!#i loved the academic rivals to lovers thing i had going on but that backstory belongs to my oc nahla (who i had for haitham before#i decided to self ship with him)#for my s/i i found myself daydreaming about this scenario and it’s probably a bit too ambitious for genshinverse but hey#the power of fiction lets me do whatever i want!#and our dynamics still stays the same ^^ i just changed my lore. i rlly tried to keep this intro as short as possible#but i think there is something so deeply romantic about falling for someone despite there being so many barriers and crossroads#if i wasnt clear enough we meet as students! i can picture him watching me curiously from behind his book when i first enrol at the akademi#he could be pragmatic at first but over time he brings me things that remind me of my home. perhaps books that could comfort me or#asking questions to allow me to talk about it#not knowing whether or not i'll suddenly go *blip* makes every moment so precious#nothing better than finding your beacon of light in an unfamiliar place#*he* fell first *i* fell harder me thinks#because i was never going to open myself to love but did it anyway#anyway who’s even reading this far i should have like a certain emoji for people to comment if they’ve reach this point#maybe 🌎#selfships#selfship moodboard#my selfships#genshin self insert#self insert
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It's a bit silly that found it unlikely for Luka and Till to be the final match back then. The more that I thought about it, the more it made sense. Sure, Luka and Ivan are incredibly similar in terms of personality and image, but in terms of circumstance Luka and Till are opposite sides of the same coin. I really couldn't envision a better matchup.
#ivan v luka is like “what if i looked in the mirror and had to fight another version of myself”#luka v till is like “what if i fought someone so fundamentally different from me who was put in my same circumstances”#i have SO MANY THOUGHTS on till vs luka. you guys need to bear with me seriously because ive been trying to make coherent thoughts#its just empty rb#BUT I WILL TRY#luka nd ivan were mentioned to be incredibly similar in personality#the only difference is the mask they put on#luka is calm doll-like and graceful while ivan is cheerful easygoing and suave#at their core they are the same#and honestly i think that luka v till is genuinely a more interesting matchup because of the fact that they are so different#luka and till are such different people at heart yet have been placed into the same torture and circumstance#and its due to their upbringing that they end up developing similarity#(that one anon who brought up their competitive and ruthless behavior as a means of taking control. a result of their relentless abuse)#theres a lot of info that has been revealed about them and their segyein that really emphasizes#just how similar their upbringings are#they remind me of those double guinea pig experiments#i will go in depth in another post but rigjt now my brain is dry....#alnst#alien stage#alien stage luka#alien stage till#alien stage round 7#para.musing
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I really like kafhoshi ... it good.... Ther s so much potential and so much material to work with AND YET THERES LIKE NOTHING!!!!! *Rolls up my sleeves* gotta do everything myself in this damn house...
#kafhoshi#kafka x hoshina#kafka/hoshina#jk jk i will not be doing everything. bc i cannot write. and i dont mean im not great at it i like have a legit mental block#ill draw tho!!!!!!!!! i will draw!!!!!!!!#i just think about... how theyre conpeting for the same spot (tho hoshina already has that spot hes fighting to keep it)#and how hoshina was the one to vouch for kafka to be passed as a cadet (partially due to suspicion of him but still)#and also indirectly says that part of why he did that/keeps him around is because he's a stubborn guy who never gives up and that reminds -#him of himself (bc hes been told to give up his whole life too and he still hasnt. theyre both stubborn bastards)#and that hes been ''taken in by his charm'' (along with everyone else cus everyone cant help but love him)#and also they canonically train together sometimes. alone. together. come on man thats such an easy target to make it gay#just have someone pin the other person to a surface while sparring and have there be Tension and Energy there. easy.#just come onnnnnnn if you dont have ideas ASK ME#ASK ME FOR IDEAS. ESPECIALLY FOR WRITING CUS I CANT DO THAT MYSELF I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD THO
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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