#poor james

[my-castles-crumbling]

Gay Panic?

First year:

James, casually: So my uncle has a husband.

Sirius, shocked: You can do that?

James: Yeah, I reckon so.

-

Second year:

Sirius: So I have a gay uncle too.

James, not really bothered: Weird, mate. Guess a lot of people are gay.

Sirius, a bit contemplative: Hahaha. Weird.

-

Third year:

Sirius, nervously: Do you ever want to kiss people?

James: Girls, right? You mean girls?

Sirius, even more nervously: Erm, yeah. Girls.

James: Yeah, I like Evans. She’s like…bossy-hot.

-

Fourth year:

Remus: So…I'm gay.

Sirius, having a gay crisis: Ohhhh! Erm, we support you!

James, also panicking, thinking of gay Regulus: Yes. We're allies!

Sirius, still internally panicking: Such allies.

-

Fifth year:

Sirius, freaking out again: So, you know how we're like…allies?

James, paranoid, worried Sirius saw him staring at Reggie: Yeah?

Sirius: Allies can have like…gay dreams, right? And still be straight?

James, relieved: Oh. Oh, yeah! Absolutely. I do, too! And I'm a thousand percent straight.

-

Sixth year:

Sirius, really having a crisis after Remus returned to school six inches taller: It's totally normal as a straight person to have a crush on another bloke, right?

James, still fully in denial even though he's been stalking Reg on the Map: Erm, yeah. Definitely. We're both straight.

-

Seventh year:

Sirius, having just kissed Remus: So actually Im definitely gay and I'm dating Moony and that crush and those dreams were all very gay.

James: Well FUCK what am I, then?

[ultravioletbrit]

“theatre” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 342 words

 

“Wait…” The girl says with a huff. “You’re a theatre major?” she asks with a slight chuckle.

“Uh… yeah? Why?” James says starting to feel a bit self-conscious.

“I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t expect it. I mean, you’re James Potter.” She states simply like that explains everything. James gives her a questioning look, so she continues.

“You’re James Potter. Cocky, campus heartthrob, football captain, part of that ridiculous little group that’s always pulling pranks and being idiots. I guess I just didn’t peg you for a theatre major.” She tells him.

“I… um…” James really isn’t sure how to respond to that.

“So, do you want to go out this weekend?” She asks him.

“Wait. You think I’m a cocky, ridiculous idiot, and you seem to have an issue with what I’m studying, yet you still want to go out with me?” James questions.

“Well yeah, you’re James Potter.” She says like it’s obvious. James’ face falls and he huffs out a small humorless laugh, shaking his head as he stands to leave.

“Right… Yeah, no thanks.” He tells her and walks away.

He senses someone fall into step beside him, but he doesn’t turn to look, he just picks up his pace.

“She’s an idiot.” He hears from behind him, and he’d recognize that voice anywhere. He stops and turns to see Regulus walking up to him.   

“What?” He asks.

“I said, she’s an idiot.” Regulus tells him once he’s standing in front of James.

“It’s fine, I get it all the time.” James shrugs and starts walking again.

“Yeah, I get it too.” Regulus continues walking beside him.

“What do you mean?” James glances at him.

“I’m a snarky, sarcastic asshole. No one expects me to be a dance major.” Regulus shrugs.

James is quiet for a moment before he responds.

“You’re more than just a snarky, sarcastic asshole.” He whispers as he glances at Regulus again with a small smile.

“Yeah, you’re more than just a cocky, ridiculous idiot.” Regulus smiles back.

And James’ smile grows as they continue walking together.  

[kawaiibarty]

wolfstar getting into an argument

remus: oh my fucking god you're so fucking stupid, im done. we're done. im finished with you. im breaking up with you

sirius: *gasps* ugh, how long this time?

remus: uhm, forty five minutes

sirius: WHAT? FORTY FIVE ????THATS UNREASONABLE

remus: ......

remus: thirty five

sirius: .....

sirius: yeah i can do that.

james: *who now has to deal with a whining sirius for thirty five minutes* no the fuck he can't remus you fucking wanker

[messrmagpie]

ugh, get a room 🙄

[a-great-tragedy]

James: Look at this bracelet I made Reggie!! *Shows rainbow bracelet*

Regulus: That’s gay

James: …

James: Love, we’ve been married for three years. The bracelet is the straightest thing here.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 3 - Praise

@jegulus-microfic October 3, Word count 199

“Oh, Sirius, darling, it’s absolutely beautiful. I love it. I’m going to hang it right there, so everyone sees it as soon as they enter the room. Thank you, darling,” Effie gushed at Regulus’s brother. Sirius sat there, preening with Effie’s praise of his latest painting. Regulus was glad he wasn’t like that. James walked into the room wearing the emerald green jumper Regulus had spent weeks knitting by hand.

“Is that the jumper you were knitting, Regulus dear?” Effie asked, as James sat beside Regulus on the sofa. 

“Yes,” He said uncertainly. Euphemia Potter was known for her knitted goods, and he was just a beginner. 

“Darling, it’s perfect. You’d think you’d been knitting for years, and it’s exactly the right shape for James’s awkward body,”

“Hey!” James protested, but Effie waved him off. 

“You’re broad and muscular with a slim waist, dear. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make anything for you? Very well done, Regulus,” She turned her attention back to the blushing Regulus, lapping up her praise like a starving puppy, worse even than Sirius was and unable to take his eyes off James. He really did look good in green. 

[accio-sriracha]

James: *walks in on wolfstar* *runs out of the room screaming* *immediatley tries telling lily what he saw*

Lily: *intense McGonagall scowl, staring angrily at James*

Lily: Just because Remus was being a little intense with his studying doesn't mean you need to come crashing into the common room shouting at all of us! You almost knocked Peter over!

James: *exasperated* Lils, you don't get it! He wasn't BEING fucking serious, he was FUCKING. SIRIUS.

James: AS IN SIRIUS. SIRIUS BLACK. AND REMUS JOHN LUPIN. F U C K I N G HIM.

Peter: *finally understands* WAIT MOONY AND PADFOOT ARE HAVING SEX???

James: YES!! THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!

[florsial]

Regulus cries more often than not. It's something he's picked up on during the war. When he felt like there wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel, when he felt as if he couldn't differentiate between the nightmares to reality. He doesn't sleep because of it, he just spends his nights crying. Walburga told him he sounded like a wailing baby. She doesn't look at him.

But James notices he cries more after the cave. Mornings, afternoons, nights. He can hear it from his room. When he eats breakfast. When he slips under the blankets. During meetings. It rings in his ears. In Sirius' too, he can tell.

They don't do anything about it in the beginning. James didn't want to be overbearing, so he just let Regulus be, let him cry it all out. But it seemed as if there wasn't a bottom in the endless pit. Regulus just kept crying. Crying. And when he isn't, he just stares off. It isn't much better than the wailing.

One day, it gets too much. When he hears Regulus crying, he walks into the younger's room and starts to cry as well when he sees Regulus doing nothing but just sitting at the end of his bed. His face was in his hands and crying, wailing, again and again.

"I'm sorry, I-I'm sorry..." James says repeatedly. He doesn't know how, but he finds himself kneeling in front of Regulus, his face buried in the younger's knees. They are both crying. He's apologizing and Regulus is wailing without words.

It's almost comforting. The two of them acting like a complete mess together. Sobbing in each other presence. Holding onto each other for dear life because they don't know when it will slip from their grasp during the war. It's so comforting that James doesn't realize when they've stopped crying until his weak and broken repeating of, "I'm sorry" is finally stopped by Regulus carding his fingers into his curly and whispering, "I'm sorry too."

They both feel lighter after that.

[starchaserdreams]

Sirius: *whistles* James, who were you getting busy with last night?

James: *shocked, stag in headlights look* I- I- what- you heard-

Sirius: nahhh but I can see from your hickies that you had a great time

James: *mortified, wants to sink into the floor* oh god can we not talk about this??

Sirius: what?? We talk about everything! We've even shared hookups! Who was it, maybe we could do a three-way like with-

James: *strangled cry* NO

Sirius: fine, fine, but I'll figure it out

James: *bangs head against table* oh god I'd rather you didn't

Sirius: *just laughing, good spirits*

James: *ready for death, hoping the ground will open up to swallow him whole, would rather hell itself than this conversation*

[hitmewithsomebooks]

@jegulus-microfic Jan 20 - lethal

326 words

~

Regulus Black was dangerous. And not because he happened to know all the dark curses, or had plenty of friends who would hide a body, or could and would carve your eyes out with a knife. No, Regulus Black was dangerous because of his face. With his eyes, his lips, and oh, Merlin, that smirk was lethal. Honestly, it was going to kill James one day. The evidence was there.

Just last week, James had met Regulus's eyes at breakfast, and had choked on his bratwurst when Regulus shot him a sly smirk. He'd had to down two glasses of pumpkin juice while Sirius patted him on the back.

Then, the other day at the Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor match, Regulus was in the stands, holding a Gryffindor banner. Everyone figured he was rooting for his brother, as they'd been getting closer lately. However, when James snuck a glance at him, the boy let that smirk slide across his face. James fell clear off his broom. Luckily, he'd only a few feet off the ground at that moment.

And then there was today. Today, when James had to read his essay about brewing the Draught of Living Death in Potions. It was not usual for students to read their essays to the class, but it had been James's punishment for setting Sirius's hair on fire, despite his adamancy that it had been an accident.

James, famously bold and social, could perform any sort of thing, talk about loads of topics off the top of his head. But he hated reading out loud. So when he, already struggling, glanced up nervously and met steely grey eyes, and that mouth twisted into that wicked, slanted smile, James's tongue nearly literally tied. Thankfully, calling powdered asphodel root 'atmospheric rube," earned him some sympathy, and he was allowed to sit back down.

Regulus's smirk widened as the boy went back to his seat, and James tripped and fell into his chair.

[n0quart3r]

poor baby looks SCARED

[my-castles-crumbling]

glitter - November 18 - jegulus - @taylorswiftmicrofic - word count: - 236 - trans!Regulus

"James!" Regulus yelled, slamming the door behind himself as he entered their shared apartment, abandoning his bag on a chair to search for his boyfriend. "What did you do?"

He found him sitting on the couch, giving Regulus a look that was the picture of innocence. Big eyes, wide smile, like a fucking halo could appear over his head. But Regulus knew better.

"What do you mean, baby?" James asked, voice sweet.

"You know what I mean!" he said, hands on his hips. "Why did Moriarty spend the entire day sending me death glares?"

James shrugged, but a grin was forming slowly on his face. "Well, I did hear that he got a casual reminder in the mail about what happens when he acts like a transphobic asshole."

"A- what?" Regulus asked, dumbfounded. "What did you send him? A threat? A finger?"

"No! Not at all! I sent him a glitter bomb!" James replied, grinning from ear to ear. "Unwrap it and glitter goes everywhere. It's a bitch to clean up. I should know, Sirius sent me one for my 18th birthday, I-"

"You sent my coworker a glitter bomb for telling me I should use the girl's bathroom?" Regulus repeated, voice completely void of emotion.

James's grin faltered a bit. "I-yes? Are you mad?"

"No," Regulus breathed, breaking into a smile. "That's brilliant. How do you send one, I want to give one to Mother."

[ultravioletbrit]

“call” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 352 words

NSFW - mild sexual content

James is leaning back against the headboard, head tipped back, and eyes closed as his lips part in a breathy sigh. His phone is on speaker on the pillow beside him and one of his hands is slipping under the waistband of his boxers. He lets out a low moan and he hears a soft hum from the other end of the phone. When he hears the hum turning into small whimpers he starts moving his hand slowly. He leans a bit closer to the phone and—

“Hey Prongs?” His bedroom door flies open and Sirius freezes in the doorway as James scrambles for the sheet to try and hide what he’s doing. He fails miserably and Sirius starts laughing just as Remus walks up behind him.

“Everything okay over here?” Remus asks, looking from James’ mortified face to Sirius’ hysterical laughter and back to James again. Remus does a piss-poor job of hiding his own laughter and James drops his head and groans.

“Shut up, both of you, and get out.” James growls at them.

“Don’t worry about it, mate. It’s completely normal and natural. … I am going to tell Reggie you’re cheating on him with your own bloody hand, though” Sirius says through his laughter.

“OUT!” James yells and throws a pillow at them.

“Alright, leave him alone.” Remus says pulling Sirius away. As Remus is closing the door, his eyes flick over to the other pillow where the phone is, and he gives James a knowing smirk. Fuck Remus Lupin and his ability to pick up on everything.

James sighs and turns back to the phone only to hear giggling coming from the other end.

“Reg.” James says picking up the phone.

“Reg.” James tries again, and the giggling only gets louder.

“Regulus!” He is full-on laughing at James at this point.

“I’m hanging up on you. Call me back when you’re not getting so much amusement from my humiliation.” James tells him.

“It might be a while.” Regulus says as he continues to laugh at him.

James ends the call and flops down on the bed with a loud groan.

[politicalstreetartt]

Lil snippet of a fic in cooking up

“Must you go around with a massive stick up your arse all the time?” Regulus snaps, dropping his hand onto James’ under the table.

Sirius growls. “My stick is bigger than your stick!” He throws a brief, apologetic look James' way. “No offence, mate.”

It takes just a second for it to register in James' head before he exclaims,

“Hey!”

“Should we order some shots?” Remus pipes up as he takes his wine and brings it to his lips.

[missmoonfrost]

A perfect deal (last year of Hogwarts, exams approaching)

Remus: *ironing his shirt* Sirius: Can you do mine as well? You're so much better at it. Remus: You should learn to do it yourself. I won't be around forever, you know. Sirius: Can't you, though? If you keep ironing my shirts I'd let you live with me for free. Remus: Are you asking me to be your hosewife? James: *looking up from his pile of books and mess of half-written parchments* I'd take him up on that offer immediately if it meant I didn't have to study one more day in my life. Remus: Depends. Any other maritial advantages? Sirius: Like what? Remus: Like a shared bed? James: *spitting out his tea* Sirius: You want me to sell my body in exchange for houswork? Remus: I... uhm... didn't exactly - Sirius: Because you ironing my shirts whenever I need and us having sex every night sounds like a perfect deal to me. James: *dropping entire teacup*

[manzis-world]

Mary dedicating this song to james at their seventh year Halloween party