#I have no time to sit with my feelings
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????
#ramble#my first thought was like: how is this even a debate what about blind people. not every book comes in braille but MOST have an audiobook#or dyslexic people#you still enjoyed the book!! you still absorbed it!!! you got EXACTLY the same thing as people who read the words!!!#how does it not count????#i guess you miss out on the 'learning new vocab' you get through seeing the words but also#i don't really do audiobooks but i do a lot of podcasts esp fiction podcasts#and i have ABSOLUTELY picked up new stuff from there that helps with my writing#someone please explain how this is even an argument of COURSE it counts????#idk in my opinion finishing a book means 'i put the words in my brain and i thought about them and i enjoyed a story'#not 'i held a stack of paper in my hands for a bit'#i'm v lucky that i do have time to sit and read. and whenever i commute anywhere it's public transport so i CAN bring a book with me#but if i didn't have the free time or had to drive for hours everywhere i would be STOKED to still get to enjoy books#it's been REALLY bothering me lmao idk why i feel so strongly#for some reason it's giving the same energy as like. being told you can't take a comic or manga from the library bc it's not a 'real' book#of course it's a real book it's a story somebody wrote down#i can see this spiralling into 'if you have a kindle you aren't reading'. you have to sniff the paper. feel the papercuts
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early mornings after nightmares
#just realized I made a pinned post with this art before putting it up whyyy am I like this#anyway headcanon time: I like to think they hang out while the sun comes up after the doctor has a nightmare and they just sit and talk#or Donna will read and just keep him company (I love watching the sun rise it’s such a unique feeling! i suck at getting up early tho lol)#Doctor who#fourteenth doctor#donna noble#I need like. A platonic ship name do we have one of those for them?#my art#not super happy with it but ITS DONE#doctor who fanart#the doctor#catherine tate#david tennant#procreate#Digital art#uh#incase my handwriting is as illegible as I think : Donna’s says “worlds best mum” and the Doctor’s says “worlds okayest uncle”#okay this looks more like a sunset so??
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sad: falling out of a hyperfixation
tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it
#oughhhhhhh#this is about the dca fandom but also about every other strong fixation ive had over the years lol#i know it's normal and inevitable esp for less popular works or minor characters with little canon content#and there's nothing wrong with smaller communities of course those rock#but there’s just something special about getting into something at the same time as a lot of other people all at once#and existing in this chaotic fandom space that's just bursting with creativity and passion#i've been in fandom spaces for as long as some of you have been alive and i've only come across that sort of unbridled joy like#a handful of times at best#it's just a heartbreaking feeling to see real lightning in a jar fandoms like that wither away as people drift away#(understandably so!)#anyway don't mind me i'm just having thoughts#musing about fandoms past as well#that i too eventually moved on from but remember fondly even if im not active in anymore#also my music just aint hitting right so im just sitting in silence which makes me more Contemplative(tm)
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hope I can regulate my emotions, so I can start new tomorrow
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Lap Pillow
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Confessions of a missed opportunity: I almost had LWJ in purple for this comic.#WWX gives him one of his layers to wear and it's never specified what colour it is.#We all love the red inner robe from CQL (And other illustrations) but sit with me for a moment. Think about LWJ in Jiang Purple.#Right now. Close your eyes and give it 5-10 seconds of rotation in your brain.#Welcome back. It's beautiful isn't it. As I write these notes I am upset that I backed out of going through with it.#I think I will simply have to draw it another time. If we get gusu lan white wwx we *need* yunmeng jiang purple lwj!#Anyways; this comic is the pinnacle of teen wangji's bursting-at-the-seams-emotionality that I love him for.#For my sanity I need that teen losing his mind and following bird rules (get fluffy - get blushy - keep beeping)#He is a loser nerd with a begrudging crush on a boy that he doesn't know how to be normal about.#LWJ seems like your typical 'cool guy love interest' until you realize that he's actually kind of soggy and pathetic.#My favourite lan wangji trait is that he's funny as all hell. I feel like wwx a bit because I had a character epiphany when I realized this
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Thinking about how Nightmare has 4 mortals and 3 of them are so so bad at taking care of themselves
#UTDR#UTMV#My Art#Truce au#Killer Sans#Dust Sans#Cross Sans#Horror Sans#Nightmare Sans#''I don't feel like drawing a bunch I'll just do a quick silly doodle'' sits up until 1am finishing this#But this is about their bad habits not mine so#Killer and Cross are the worst offenders for sleep but they're pretty managable#Dust is the worst for food but Horror can coax him into enough food to get by#Horror was - for a short time when he first joined - Nightmare's clear favourite#Because he would actually ASK for things when he needed them#(Not that his joining didn't have problems of it's own but y'know#Nightmare was starting to expect it at this point)#I should ramble for 10 pages about the boys joining the gang someday#Not now cause I'm going to bed but y'know#Anyway goodnight gang!
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Lost boys
#mayhem art#star wars#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker fanart#obi wan kenobi fanart#star wars art#this one was sitting in my drafts for about a month. idk why I was holding onto it -cries- anyway#this is shortly after Qui-Gon's death. Both of their lives just got flipped upside down. Anakin is traumatized by having to leave#his mother behind‚ then his Master's sudden death‚ and he's left with no certainty in his future.#Obi-Wan just witnessed his Master die‚ helplessly‚ then having to take care of this little human in his Master's stead‚ meanwhile feeling#wholly inadequate to be so suddenly knighted let alone immediately becoming a Master and taking responsibility for another being.#Both of them losing the constants in their lives. left uprooted. the only anchoring point being each other.#I imagine Obi-Wan wouldn't reach out to Anakin first‚ but if Anakin expressed compassion with him‚ grief‚ and his need to feel secure‚#Obi-Wan wouldn't turn him away#this was just my excuse to give them a proper soothing hug in their time of mourning
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#I have white envy for people who adore something specific. They can stay up all night#research and create for this with blazing eyes. And this state can last for a very long time#Last year I felt it in full#and here I am again sitting at a broken trough and taking out and keeping in safe pieces of what still can shake me ha-ha#It's not very funny when you felt what it was like. I suppose there was also pressure on top of that#but damn#I'm not a weak person so I really hope it's not the reason#Wanna run away somewhere quiet where I can do what I want to do without responsibilities that never were my responsibilities from the start#*sigh* I feel like the most boring person in the world again wheeeeze#tapadoodles
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What do you mean I’m a bit late for Janus’ big day? Of course not, how could you say such a thing! I definitely didn’t forget all about it in my absence and only get reminded in the incorrect quotes video live chat; that’s not like me at all ;]
Anyways I decided to dress our sassy snake in some different outfits I think he’d like. He seems like the type to get all dolled up on his birthday and it goes with Thomas posting pics in outfits inspired by the sides on their appreciation days!
@thatsthat24
#sanders sides#janus sanders#ts janus#thomas sanders#sanders sides fanart#my hoard#I’ve returned!#the newest asides came out and I remembered how much I love it#so I’m hyperfixated again and I’ve not now peace since#it is nice to actually finish something again tho#I’ve been pretty busy working lately and now I’m starting to pack to move into my first apartment!#so not much time to really sit down and draw#and when I do have time I can’t get the motivation to actually draw anything#I want to get better about posting stuff on here#(even though it feels like I’m just dreaming into the void a lot)#even just silly little things or rough sketches I’ll never finish#I hope it’ll help me continue to draw and make things again#I forgot how nice it is#anyways if you’ve read this far thanks#have a cookie :] 🍪
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some misc Barn & Wally doodles from the past week or so <3 i heart them
#i read 'barnaby bites wally out of affection' exactly Once and it imprinted in my brain forever#its so damn cute... what the fuck... who authorized that....#one thing about me: yes i Will exaggerate size differences. no im Not sorry#listen one thing i love more than the big guy & their lil buddy dynamic#is big guy & their lil buddy 'rough-housing'#where it looks vicious but the big guy is actually being so so gentle and careful <3#it kills me every time!!!#AND THESE TWO ARE PERFECT FOR BOTH BABEYYYYYY#the bestiessssss themmmmm them them them#i have so many thoughts / feelings about them and many of them Directly Conflict <3#scribble salad#welcome home#wait when. when did i start drawing barnaby so damn much#every other scribble is Him#uh oh! looks like hes Blorbo!!!#anyhow sometimes i sit on doodles for Days and Days#until it occurs to me that hey. i can post these#i havent been scribbling much bc ive been chipping away at comms when i have the free time to do Art#the only non-comm stuff have been silly warmups riperoni#BUT! AHA! last week's me (early this week???) was in their Barnaby & Wally feels!!!#providing current me with Crumbs to post!
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DPxDC Afterlife, But It's A Bar
[discontinued, feel free to add on]
It was weird. Not wrong, alarming or dangerous type of weird. Not good or comforting either.
Just plain weird.
It all started a few days ago, on Wednesday, to be exact. On a rare occasion, Jason was patrolling outside of his territory ("cover for me, I have a date" my ass, Replacement), and he spotted something out of place. A neon green, almost toxic colored sign that read "Afterlife".
Honestly, who names a place like that? But judging by the placement and design, it was a bar, and Jason could almost appreciate the irony. Maybe it had a slogan along the lines of "our drinks will send you beyond the lines of life and death" or something. But at the same time, it could be interpreted as "alcohol can and will be the death of you," which, technically, is not the best PR campaign for a bar.
Jason decided to visit the place anyway. He was curious about the implied death joke, sue him.
Of course, he didn't visit immediately. He was still on patrol, and he just heard the sound of gunshots to the west. Not to say that the place was quiet.
(Oddly quiet for a bar in Gotham, now that he thinks about it)
Anyway, the next day, he went there not as Red Hood but as Jason Todd, an ordinary civilian who decided to grab a beer in the evening. Only to not find the place.
He couldn't have just miss it - he remembered the street, he knew the building, he was absolutely fucking sure where the "Afterlife" should have been. He searched the whole block nonetheless, and then proceeded to check the whole area, but to no avail.
Damn, it seems like he can't get to the afterlife both literally and- the other literally. Yeah, he might be having too much fun with the oddly chosen name for the nonexistent bar.
It didn't exist on the maps and internet either. At this point, Jason was contemplating the idea of it being a hallucination or a dream. He even checked the recording on his helmet from Wednesday night, but the whole time he was in the area, the video was filled with interference and static.
Weird. Slightly suspicious, but Red Robin, who's been patrolling the same area for weeks before him, never reported any interferences, so it probably had something to do with his helmet and not the area in general.
On Thursday night, he purposefully went there right after patrol. And the nonexistent bar suddenly existed again! The same neon green sign, the same quiet street around it.
Seriously, what is this mysterious fuckery?
Now, if he was a Bat, he would have reported this to others and investigated, lurked around in shadows, and approached with caution. If he was a Robin, he would have still reported and then straight up marched in there and saw how it goes.
Alas, he was Red Hood, so he decided to watch for the bar guests and see just who the hell goes in and out of the place.
And there was the next weird thing.
No one was going in or out. Jason sat there for a whole hour, and not even one person entered or left the building. Despite the muffled sounds of music, voices and laughter coming from the place.
The final kicker was the fact that after some careful questioning and dropping hints, Jason found out that no one except him ever saw the "Afterlife"'s sign. No one's even heard of it, both the Batclan and the Gothamites.
The fuck?
So he did the next logical thing. He brought the smartest member of the Bats with him. Tim owed him anyway. Might as well use it now instead of later.
Friday night proved two things: one, Tim was still his favorite to work with out of all the bats and birds, not questioning anything as to why Jason is asking him to check out a bar, and two, Jason just might be going insane.
Tim couldn't see the "Afterlife" even when Jason pointed at the sign from not further than ten feet. The irony of the stipid name was not even amusing anymore.
Tim didn't ask any questions after this experiment, and Jason didn't want to admit that he is losing the grip of reality, so they ended up simply parting their ways after. Can the Pits cause brain damage? More damage than there was in the first place, that is.
Now that he thinks about it, the color of the sign is really similar to the Lazarus waters. He should have noticed it sooner, but in his defense, who would look at the bubbling pool of toxic waters and think, "Oh, that would make a dope neon sign"? Apparently, the owner of the "Afterlife".
The color might be just a coincidence.
...no, in the world he lives in, coincidences like this just don't happen. Besides, Jason doesn't believe in shit like fate or destiny.
So, here he is, on Saturday night, standing in front of the door to the Afterlife. It would have been funny if it wasn't so weird. What's even more weird is that the closer he gets to the door, the less nervous he feels, like the place is radiating some calming aura. Wait, no, scratch that, Jason is so not calling it a calming aura for God's sake. That sounds just like those homemade witches with their crystals, tarot readings, and whatnot.
He's going to call it... tranquilizer vibes. Yeah, that's better.
He takes a deep breath, getting ready to see whatever it is on the other side, pushes the door open, and walks into the bar.
...
Whatever he's been expecting to see, it's not this.
#danny phantom#dc x dp#dpxdc#batfam#batman#jason todd#tim drake#afterlife#red hood#ghost zone#but its a bar?#this was actually the first ever thing i have written in dpxdc fandom#it was more than a year ago#its been sitting in my notes for a long time#the grammar is funky#i remember i was into Dead on Main at the time#so i was probably planning on writing it#alas i have fallen into Dead Tired later#might as well throw it out there and run#feel free to continue!#cork writes#cork prompts
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THE RAVEN Star Trek: Voyager
#trekedit#startrekedit#star trek#treksource#startrekgifs#mine*#sd*#tvedit#voy#kathryn janeway#seven of nine#kate mulgrew#jeri ryan#the lighting of this scene is awful uuuugh#i just love the way she touches her face??#like... okay it looks like seven did not just say good night#but also kissed her and left#and she is sitting there thinking about it touching her face#ma'am mA'AM!#anyway im hating the catsuit even more on my rewatch#every time seven's on screen i feel like i can't breathe it is so tight it feels so uncomfortable#yall can hate picard all you want but im so glad it gave us seven in normal clothes#praying for captain seven show to happen PLEASE PLEASE UNIVERSE I NEVER AKSED ANYTHING BEFORE#except the times i asked something#but we need seven as captain we need her have her own ship and crew and show and her girlfriend as number one#we need it WE NEEEED IIIIIT
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[Fic Book Covers 11+12/?] Integrative Approaches by Nnm / @mouseonamoose
Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma
As soon as Aubrey Thyme, psychotherapist, had opened her office door and seen her new client, Anthony J. Crowley, sitting in her waiting area, she was observing and assessing him. At first glance, she paid attention to the following: --His clothing was expensive and stylish; --He wore very strange but noticeable cologne; --His relationship to the seat he occupied could only, very loosely, be described as “sitting;” --He looked angry; --He was wearing sunglasses. What Aubrey Thyme, a professional, thought, upon first seeing her new client was: you’re going to be a fun one, aren’t you?
Angel-Centered Therapy Through A Multicultural Lens
“I’d love to meet with you,” Davey said, apologetically, when he had been called up by a fellow looking to initiate therapy, “but I’m all booked up for months.” “Are you sure?” The fellow said, through a poor connection that crackled. Davey had been sure. And yet. Right there in his calendar was a blank spot, just a few days away, which he had somehow completely overlooked before. “How about that…I’ve got Wednesday at eleven, if you can make that work.” “What a miracle,” the fellow said, “that would be just the perfect time.”
#fic book cover#fanfic cover#fic rec#good omens#demonology and the tri-phasic model of trauma#angel-centered therapy through a multicultural lens#Nnm#illogical makes#these have been sitting in my drafts for...a long while bc they didn't feel quite right#until i was struck with: they look so brand-new-textbook-right-off-the-shelf. they look too neat and pristine#they need some wear and tear. they need to look like the paperbacks i read 100000 times in middle/high school#and once that was added it really came together imo#anyway. these fics are so lovely & gentle & supportive and i read them at a time when i really needed a story that said w/ its whole self#'things can and will get better. it may be difficult. it may be painful. it may not be the same as it was before. but it will get better.'#so thank you for that <3
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Oh, help me God, this hellboy got me coming back for more
reblogs super appreciated !!! close-ups under the cut !
#south park#south park fanart#stan marsh#shroomer's art !#shroomer's archives: south park#artists on tumblr#my ramblings + thought process starts here (warning. its a lot) vvvvvvvvvvvvvv#"heyyyyy shadowww. its mee. da devil.#the amount of eyestrain i went through while rendering this#gradient maps!!! are so fun!!! (they are not i hate them so much)#lots to improve on still. but that's for next time!#the process of making this was so arduous.... but i learned a lot i feel#(and also if i had spent any more time working on this i would have actually lost it)#BUT YIPPEEEEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY STAN MARSH THE LOSER BOY I CANT BELIEVE I FINISHED THIS ON TIME#2 days in advance too by the time the queue uploads it#anyways.... stupid loser boy stan marsh..... i found out his birthday was coming up soon#and i had this idea sitting in my head for like.... 2 weeks i think#popped up when i was listening to lexie liu's album the happy star and the song diablo came up#and i thought wait.... doesnt stan get possessed by satan at some point#and so here we are!!#I ACTUALLY RECENTLY WATCHED THE EPISODE TOO AND THE THEME OF THE SONG FIT THE THEME OF THE EPISODE CRAZY WELL AS WELL#sometimes my genius is almost frightening#anyways this emotionally sensitive animal lover boy has really grown on me over the course of the series <3#i still havent.... finished cartman's sheet.....#the self designated deadline i gave myself of 2 weeks is coming up soon and erm. guh.#dies#this took so much effort and brainpower that needed to be allocated to my assignments.......#but its ok!!! im gonna sell this as a print!!! so its kind of!! productive!!#guh i hope this one performs well sob theres this nagging feeling i have that its not gonna do well at all#try painting some funky lighting + greyscale painting she said. it'll be fun she said.
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before mirage of scales: I NEED YAKUYA EVENT
after mirage of scales: ah. um. i . i don't need yakuya event so much, anymo.re... hah..a...
#ahahahahah nah i still want yakuya event#don't get me wrong#i'm glad we get to have serious event with the 😨 truths comin out#so of course i am very grateful for this...very engaging event... that made me feel things...#BUT FOR TRUESIES THEY REALLY PLAYED ME#ohhhh i was so delusional.#thinking that kuya and yakumo together would be hilarious and full of comedy and silly and goofy powerplays#no. no they only let me have a little lick of it in desert island knockout#because they were NOT GOING TO BE EXPLORED IN-DEPTH#but ohhhhh hohohoho if these two get a whole event together? with details? guess we're gonna have to go HEAVY#you wanted a funtime with yokai senior bullying his freakishly tall junior who doesn't feel senior's true malice??#no. no you get bitter elder saying a big I TOLD YOU SO to the naive younglings full of hope and watery eyes#kuya's eyes drickin dry as sahara. sand. you can HEAR the particles scrape against each other#every time he blinks and squints with extreme disdain#i'm sorry for both of you#neither of you was having a good time on that island#kuya's fists were clenched on the arms of the chair he was posed upon#man's THIS close to incinerating the entire island#and yakumo's just. yakumo.#*sits there with my yakumo doll and kuya doll just staring at each other*#the profound sadness has returned...#mirage of scales#nu carnival kuya#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival eiden
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