#I have been crying for ten minutes

[vivissecrettunnel]

GOD DONT YOU JUST LOVE WHEN YOUR SISTER TALKS DOWN TO YOU LIKE YOURE A FUCKING CHILD WHEN IN REALITY SHES TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU

[gigglesandfreckles-hp]

let me ask you a question. do you ever weep into your morning tea thinking about how james and lily spent more years as classmates than they did actually being together or is that just me?

[lynx-doodles-indie-games]

"you have found yourself a hunter…"

[softenedsunbeams]

i hate the "you're so strong" comments. no im fucking not i am a depressed disabled 15 year old who is too traumatized to even hurt itself properly im not being strong the only reason im still alive is because im not allowed to stop living

[lesbiansanemi]

Was doing so good holding it together today but now that I’m laying down and trying to sleep I’m tearing up and I can feel that I’m about to burst into tears any second now

[willowcrowned]

puella magi madoka magica episode ten “もう誰にも頼らない” unanimously voted single most devastating twenty four minutes and twelve seconds in human history

[mommalosthermind]

I’ve been being told, since the tender age of 18, that my family history means I need to see a breast specialist immediately. That I should get genetic testing to better pinpoint my odds.

I’ve been referred to the specialists three times. 20, 25, and now.

The first time, I was told my family history was irrelevant, I was too young and wasting their time.

The second time, I was told no. That I should bully my fourth-grade-drop-out, Tylenol is an Unnatural Evil believing idiot of a mother into getting tested because it would be less expensive for them to do a single test on her, and then use those results for her children, than to do a test for me, for me to use on my children.

The fact that she laughed at me apparently just meant that I hadn’t explained it to her properly. A good mother, you see, would come in to get tested. You know. Like I was trying to do.

I’m mid-thirties. Every Gyno I’ve ever seen has expressed concern about breast cancer purely based off family history.

Gyno sent me over again, armed with yet more family history, yet more cancer found in the last few years.

Specialist finally let me in the building. Specialist took one look at my history and went, why didn’t you start seeing us at 25? OR before! You should have been getting this done for ten years at least! Don’t you know your odds, as of this paperwork alone, are double the average American woman? You should be getting a professional breast exam every six months!

Because You Would Not Let Me. YOUR people looked at that same paperwork and decided it wasn’t worth their time. I wasn’t worth the money.

Had my first mammogram today.

It took nearly 16 years, though.

And what kills me, I think, other than the fact that the mammogram itself took like ten minutes? What kills me is—

My partner suddenly realizing that all those times I’ve brought up cancer it was a lot more of a concern than he realized. What do you mean she said your risk on paper is probably above 30? That’s so high? Why didn’t the specialist see you earlier?

Because when he goes to the doctor, they just nod.

When he goes, they make all the phone calls. He gets to see the allergist. The nutritionist I was told no for, he’s already made an appointment for.

I get gentle hedging about how maybe I should lose a few pounds. I get laughed out of the office. I get baffled looks when I ask about early onset arthritis due to the Lyme disease and then nothing.

It took me 16 years of pointing at six different family members with four different types of cancer—two of them more than one! At the same time!— to get what should be basic care.

My partner is speed-running all those years of my quiet worry. All the things that could have gone wrong. All the things that can still go wrong, but now with the safety net of being cared for. All the worry I’ve been carrying about what I may have passed onto my kids.

And it took ten minutes in a pretty pink room.

[earmo-imni]

Current mood: crying over how much I adore Childe

[ariana1881]

Uuuuuuh I finished Umbrella Academy and I really don’t know what to say rn

[justalittlebluetiefling]

I'm sitting here crying over Cerrit's terrified conversation with Kir and my partner starts yelling at me from the other room because his friends on Discord want to know what my favorite Olivia Rodrigo phone is.

[hyunpic]

.

[polycharismas]

ugh

[lupismaris]

I am not strong enough to raise a kitten who needs to learn socialization someone help me

[theastralexpresscrew]

Gotta love a mood drop (reason in the tags). I don't really have anything to reply to atm so I think I might lurk and play some star rail for a bit until dinner. Maybe send in some fluff I can reply to later?

[tacitusauxilium]

Honestly? I think I need a sedative and/or wine with the week I’ve had so far.

My mom has been in the hospital since Monday. She had an artery on her right side that had 99% blockage to her heart. They told her if she went to work Monday night or mowed the yard, she would be dead. The thought of her mowing the yard with my son in the house and her dead in the yard terrifies the shit out of me. So, she finally comes home tomorrow since she got her stent put in today to clear the blockage—through her groin, instead of her arm, cause she can’t make anything easy for herself. Then again, the smoking she’s done for 40 + years is finally catching up to her. If that doesn’t wake her up, idk what will.

Then my husband is in the ER today because he was having chest pains. Work wasn’t letting him go back to work (his HR was too high) and then that turned into an ambulance ride—turns out it was anxiety. The man was taking the memories he had with his father and turning them around and experiencing them again. Cause his dad died in a hospital and he hates hospitals—moms in a hospital, so on and forth. Not fun being alone with my kid who wouldn’t nap unless he was in my arms. I didn’t eat until 3pm today cause I was so drained. And also super not fun when the service desk lady asked if anyone could watch my son while I see my husband. I even said “my moms in the cath lab getting a stent put in and my husbands in the ER—I DON’T have anyone to help me” and smiled with my head turned. 😒

So, I’ve been off for two days for work and just having panic attacks over the stress of everything this week. I don’t get how my husband can play video games and relax while I’m laying in bed and trying to stop myself from being numb from everything. At least we will all be home together tomorrow.