#(honestly? I don’t wanna go to work this week period. but my vacation is next month

[tacitusauxilium]

Honestly? I think I need a sedative and/or wine with the week I’ve had so far.

My mom has been in the hospital since Monday. She had an artery on her right side that had 99% blockage to her heart. They told her if she went to work Monday night or mowed the yard, she would be dead. The thought of her mowing the yard with my son in the house and her dead in the yard terrifies the shit out of me. So, she finally comes home tomorrow since she got her stent put in today to clear the blockage—through her groin, instead of her arm, cause she can’t make anything easy for herself. Then again, the smoking she’s done for 40 + years is finally catching up to her. If that doesn’t wake her up, idk what will.

Then my husband is in the ER today because he was having chest pains. Work wasn’t letting him go back to work (his HR was too high) and then that turned into an ambulance ride—turns out it was anxiety. The man was taking the memories he had with his father and turning them around and experiencing them again. Cause his dad died in a hospital and he hates hospitals—moms in a hospital, so on and forth. Not fun being alone with my kid who wouldn’t nap unless he was in my arms. I didn’t eat until 3pm today cause I was so drained. And also super not fun when the service desk lady asked if anyone could watch my son while I see my husband. I even said “my moms in the cath lab getting a stent put in and my husbands in the ER—I DON’T have anyone to help me” and smiled with my head turned. 😒

So, I’ve been off for two days for work and just having panic attacks over the stress of everything this week. I don’t get how my husband can play video games and relax while I’m laying in bed and trying to stop myself from being numb from everything. At least we will all be home together tomorrow.

[sugamamacustard]

Let me help you

Pairing:  Alpha! Toru Oikawa x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Hajime Iwaizumi x Omega! Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, Hurt/comfort.

Request: Because I like a bit of hurt/comfort, and I love the idea of an omega depression, I'm curious on how alpha third years on Aoba Johsai (so like Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Mattsun) would do in response to their omega being in an omega depression.

Summary: Because of unseen circumstances, you drop, and you drop hard. How does your alpha help you/redeem himself?

Author’s Note:  Oikawa’s got really long, so I didn’t include Mattsun or Makki. If you wanna request a part 2 I’ll get on it right away!

Requests: Open!

Toru Oikawa

➵ Truth be told, it was kind of his fault. 

➵Right after you both bonded, he immediately seemed to drop any redeeming qualities he had while courting you.

➵He skipped out on dates, stayed later and later at practice, gave the mile to his fangirls.

➵And while you could get over that, the worse thing you realized was when you went to cheer him on at one of his games. 

➵His bond mark was covered with a scent gland bandage and when Iwaizumi noticed it (He knew of your bonding), he sent a worried glance your way.

➵He could practically see the heartbreak from his place on the court. 

➵What was worse was that you didn’t make a scene. 

➵You stood, turned and left. That was it. 

➵ Oikawa was busy doing his pre-game whatever to notice, making the situation even worse.  

➵Iwaizumi wanted to follow you but the whistle of the ref called him back. 

➵ You didn’t want Iwaizumi to follow you anyway. 

➵You felt numb. So, so numb. 

➵Like anything you previously felt-- any longing, or wishing for your alpha-- reduced to a numb buzz that kept your body moving. 

➵You felt like you were on Autopilot. 

➵Toru made it fairly obvious that he wanted your bond mark on display, so why weren’t the same standards held to him? It wasn’t against the rules of volleyball-- several alphas had theirs out on proud display with their omega cheering in the stands. 

➵Was it you?

➵God, you felt so empty. Like your will to live was dripping away. 

➵You felt your omega lay down, whining as they tried to figure out what was wrong. Where did you go wrong? 

➵You barely felt the soft fleece of your blankets as you settled into your nest for who knows how long. 

___

 Toru was lost. You were in the stands during warm-up last game, but was gone by half-time. Okay, fine. Maybe you had to pee. But then you didn’t show up at all after that.  While at the time it took a back burner-- because we all know how Oikawa plays-- it was now front and center. His alpha was on edge and snapped on him twice already, sending sharp throbs of pain to his temples. It had been three days since Toru had seen you, his mate, so Toru could tell that was a big reason for his frustration. But Toru didn’t know why you had been gone for three days. 

If you were sick, why didn’t you text him? Were you injured? Toru didn’t know.  His neck burnt with anticipation at the thought of you in any peril. 

Where were you?

 Shoving his way past a few fangirls, Toru made his way into the gym, racking his brain for any sort of hint. Vacation maybe and you just forgot to tell him?

 “Iwa-chan! I need your-” Toru paused, huffing when Iwaizumi roughly shoved past him. His alpha was on guard immediately, making Toru growl loudly.   “What’s you issue, Iwa? Blue-balled or something?” 

The laugh that left Iwaizumi made even him, the head alpha, shiver. “My issue? What’s yours?! You absolutely destroyed your relationship last game and ask me for help?! What the hell is wrong with you, Oikawa?!”  

Oikawa swallowed. There was no nickname. No sense of friendship in his words. They were straight malice, laced with acidic venom meant to hurt him. 

When Oikawa didn’t immediately answer, Iwaizumi continued. “You make them wear their bond mark for all the world to see, but cover yours up? What in the actual fuck is wrong with you?! How in the hell you got someone like them to glance your way for more than a second is beyond me, let alone bond you; but when you do, you fucking destroy them. You’re a failure of an alpha, Toru Oikawa.” 

Truth be told, Oikawa thought that him covering up his bond mark would save you from trouble. The less people who knew about him being mated the less people to harass you. But he was your alpha. He was supposed to make sure that didn’t happen anyway.  Fuck, Iwa was right. He was a failure. This became evident as more and more things came hurdling back at him.  He didn’t even grab his duffel before he was, quite literally, sprinting out of the gym. He didn’t care who he pushed over. He didn’t care who he snapped at. He didn’t care. He only care about one person and one person alone. 

___

You whined as hunger continued gnawing at your gut. You wanted to eat, really, but you just didn’t have the energy. You didn’t have the will. 

You still felt so numb and didn’t know where to go from here. At this point, it was clear you were in the midst of an Omega Depression, and to be fair-- that scared you. You wanted to spend the evening in your nest, restart and reboot, before talking to your alpha about it the next day. You truly didn’t mean to drop. 

But here you were. The aspect of ...starvation scared you. The aspect of no closure for yourself scared you. Death scared you. But you couldn’t fight yourself to fix it. Couldn’t bring yourself to even lift your head or stay awake for more than an hour. 

The door to your room slammed open, but you didn’t look up. It was probably your guardian coming in to try and get you to eat again. But you wouldn’t. 

Your heart dropped when the smell of burnt plastic invaded your sense. 

“No- no, no, no, no no- Please god no-” Oikawa felt his heart shatter at the sight of you. You looked like you had both feet dangling in the grave, hanging on by a loose root you grabbed onto in a last ditch effort. 

He continued repeating no while running his hands through his hair, already crying before he even set foot in your room.  When he did dare step closer, that was all it took before he was running to you, pulling you in close despite your whines of protest.  His grip on you was bruising, but he couldn’t risk letting you slip. Not again. 

“Please- please don’t leave me.” He sobbed into your shoulder, your own eyes stinging (Dehydration keeping tears from falling).  “I- I can fix this- I can fix us. Fuck- Please Y/N. Please omega, let me help you. Let me make this right!”

Though you didn’t say anything, the grip on his jacket told him all he needed to know. And though it would be a long road to recovery, you and him would conquer it. 

➵ Completely contrary to Oikawa, your drop wasn’t anyone’s fault.

➵Maybe the school systems, if there was blame to be put. 

➵So much had gone on in such a short period. 

➵You and your alpha, along with his team, had been bombarded with practice and paperwork in preparation for the upcoming tournament. 

➵But just because volleyball picked, doesn’t mean school drops off.

➵ You had essay after essay due, Unit exams which would soon fall into Final exams.

➵You and Hajime had barely even seen each other all week.

➵You both still sent each other good morning and good night texts, and if you see each other in the hallway you’ll give each other a quick peck. 

➵Honestly, it was obvious everyone was on edge. 

➵Teachers didn’t care though, they just kept piling on more, and more, and more work.

➵ And volleyball just kept getting closer and closer.

➵You stumbled into the gym with a chirp, trying to sort through the multitude of papers in your arms. 

➵Your back was aching and your arms were strained, but you couldn’t drop them. That would be a disaster. 

➵ The coach sent you a raised brow, offering a hand to help. You waved him off, sitting on the bench with a grunt.

➵Everyone was already sweaty and panting, practice in full swing. 

➵God, everyone looked so tired already. 

➵You could feel the waves of exhaustion.

➵ As they were just in deep in your bones as they were in theirs. 

___

“Did you finish filling out the registry forms?”

You looked up to the coach, nodding slowly before riffling through your papers and pulling out the ones you were looking for. You handed them to the beta, quickly going back to your notes once more. 

You noted the stumbled steps and slowed reflexes, but simply made it a point to emphasize rest with the boys. Maybe a day with no practice would do them more good then practice. 

Hajime was doing well, as usual, somehow keeping his head and energy high. You know he hasn’t gotten much rest either, and you felt for your alpha. Honestly, you just wanted one day with just you and your alpha, where you both could sleep the day away and come back good as new. 

That just sounded glorious. 

“You wouldn’t mind filling out the ref sheets either, would you?” The beta smirked, already handing you the sheets. He knew you had a tough time saying no to people older and/or bigger than you; and had you doing several things that most mangers would never touch.

It was tiring.

You reluctantly took the sheets, already starting on them. The notes you were working on were yanking from under you, the coach reading over them. 

He scoffed at your note of possibly skipping a practice. “Are you serious?” 

“I’m sorry?”

“Take a break?! These boys are on the brink of a skillful breakthrough, and you want to stop them?!” 

You closed in on yourself at the yells, trying to focus on the ref sheets. He continued yelling and berating you for the notes you made. You could feel the teams stares on you, but you also knew they wanted you to learn to stand up for yourself. They had been giving you a few minutes to try and collect yourself and if nothing happened they would step in. 

It only took seconds for you to finally break down, sobbing into your hands as the coach’s yelling reached a breaking point. The team took very time to act then and there. 

Oikawa and Kyoutani were snapping and growling, pushing him back and away from you while Hajime slid onto his knees in front of you, pulling you to his chest and kissing your bond mark. He rocked you side to side, purring and letting you cry. 

You sobbed and sobbed while the coach tried backtracking, but it was too late. The pack was on defense. One of them was in danger and they were going to make sure they all were safe. 

___

You don’t remember falling asleep, but when you wake up, your in Hajime’s arms, which are wrapped tight around your waist. 

Oikawa was on the other side of you, head on Hajime’s thigh, Makki and Mattsun were cuddling together a little to the left of you. Kyoutani was closest to you (He had a soft spot for you, almost like you were another older sister to him). You ran a hand through his hair for a moment before taking a deep breath in and out. The rest of the team was scattered in the puppy pile around you, and the gym was dark. 

In fact, everything was dark. There were chairs propped up by the door, just in case you supposed, and there were jackets littered everywhere. Your heart fluttered at the thought. 

Hajime’s arms subconsciously tightened around you, luring you back into sleep.

You, your alpha, and your pack.

[enviedear]

secrets that you keep → peter parker

DESCRIPTION ⌙ in a consolation trip back to europe, the kids of midtown high are eager to have a normal vacation, finally. but you on the other hand are on a mission. something weird is going on with peter parker, and you’re going to figure it out.

PAIRING ⌙ peter parker x fem!reader

WORD COUNT ⌙ 2.4k

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“-smaller group than before, but we’ll still have fun guys. the tour company has made precautions for you kids. there will not be a repeat of last year.” mr. harrington babbles.

you sink lower into the bus seat. you did not want to be back in europe. truthfully you want to be anywhere but here. wherever, here, was. no one knew. cell service went out about five miles back and the bus driver didn’t speak english. 

“yeah guys, don’t worry. this trip is going to be ten times worse than the last. it’s already started bad since we don't know where we ARE!” flash yells, running a hand down his face.

mr. harrington tries to calm him and the rest of the bus down, to no avail.

you block out the commotion and stare out of the bus window. grass, farm, cattle, shack, more grass, more farm. and not one single cell tower in sight. this is it, you think, this is how it ends, stranded in a foreign country with the most annoying people you’ve ever known.

“guys, GUYS! my service is back,” betty yelps. “it says we’re in wiveliscombe, and that it’s going to be three hours until we reach london.”

her words are met with groans.

“at least we have cell service now.” jokes peter parker, who’s sat in the seat across the aisle from you. he’s cute and nice, but weird. last year’s trip he had about a thousand excuses as to why he’d leave the group and if it happened this year, you were gonna figure out why. no matter what it took.

“mhm, and since we have access to the endless possibilities of the internet again, we don’t have to talk..” you huff.

“i.. sorry. i didn’t-” you cut him off by placing your earbuds back into your ears and turning the volume up. 

something about peter irked your nerves in a way you couldn’t understand. maybe it was the way he knew fucking everything. maybe it was the way his body became incomprehensibly fit in such a short period of time. you really couldn’t understand that. even went as far as to do research on steroids, but found there was no way he could be using those. most probably it was the nonsense of his idiotic excuses. he might be able to fool everyone else, but not you. you knew there had to be something going on.

he and his stupid cute little brown curls, button nose, and six pack were under your firm watch.

by the time the bus reached the hotel the sun was beginning to set. jet lagged and in need of a long shower, you’re one of the first to fly into the hotel.

“It's me and you for the next week.” mj smiles, holding out a room key for you. truthfully, you really liked mj. she was cool and liked a lot of the same things as you. but she had one fatal flaw in your eyes, she used to date peter parker.

it was a short lived relationship, almost everyone saw it as a fling. peter and mj were just… too different. but they remain close friends.

it’s not like you were jealous... just, a tad bit jealous. besides, that ship had sailed and your goal wasn’t to end up like mj on the last trip to europe. no, you had other plans.

“cool. we can watch murder mysteries tonight and grab some snack from the convenience store down the street.” you grin.

the rooming situation for everyone else took entirely too long. it started with flash being upset that his room requirements weren’t being met. he wanted nothing to do with a roommate. this, caused his previous roommate, zander, to object to rooming with someone so, ‘coddled’.

took a full twenty minutes to resolve the issue. 

“mj, you still wanna visit the national gallery tomorrow?” asks the one and only peter parker.

“uh, yeah. y/n, wanna join?” she questions.

you were ready to object, finding it far more intriguing to stay in and sleep but then you remembered your little mission. if you wanted to figure out what peter parker’s deal was, you’d have to be around him. 

“sure. nothing better to do.” you shrug, peering straight into peter’s eyes. 

“i, uh- i thought we’d get an early start to the day. ned wants to go on the jack the ripper tour, so that gives us until one to look through the museum.” peter rambles.

“alright, me and y/n will meet you two down here around ten thirty.” mj clarifies.

“see you then. night mj,” he looks to you. “goodnight y/n.”

you narrow your eyes at him, “sleep tight parker. busy day tomorrow.”

with that you and mj enter your room, ready to sleep off the jet lag. and soon enough, sleep carries you into her open arms, preparing you for the day ahead.

the next morning consists of peter and ned rushing in and out of their room. the duo forgetting nearly everything they needed for the day. it was extremely annoying. but you’d take watching the two ninnies scramble about over this tour you’re forcing yourself to get through right now.

the national gallery was proving to be a bore. maybe it was you. or maybe it was the dull ass tour guide. either way, you’re finding it hard to focus on any of these artworks around you.

“this is the arnolfini portrait. it’s the work of jan van eyck and it is believed to depict an italian merchant named giovanni di nicolao arnolfini. this painting has remained in the national gallery since 1843.” the tour guide drones.

you peer up at the art, searching for anything to interest you about it. you try to focus of the dark green of the woman’s dress, then the small dog, but nothing about this art is appealing to you. instead, you find the whispered conversation going on behind you to be much more intriguing.

“ned how am i going to make it all the way to japan and back here before the ripper tour?” peter grumbles.

japan?

“i don’t know, but i really don’t want to go on a tour of the most infamous and creepy serial killers of all time without my best friend.” ned whispers.

“but mj will be there, and.. y/n.” peter assures.

“great. they both creep me out. that’s like, two extra loads of creepy added onto the already creepy tour.” ned huffs.

“dude, i have to go… mr. stark is waiting on me.” peter pleads.

you hear ned give an annoyed, “fine.”

you wait a few seconds before turning around to face peter’s friend.

“where did peter run off to?” you ask, as innocently as you can.

“uhhhh- the bathroom. the uh, hotel bathroom. yeah, must have been those tomatoes he ate with his breakfast today.” ned gulps.

“mhm. well i think i’ll meet up with him. he shouldn’t walk all the way back alone.” you smirk, shoving past ned and running the direction peter went.

it took a good minute to find him outside, the boy running into a bakery. but once your eyes find him, you rush straight in, right behind him. eyes narrowed and full of questions. 

the brown haired boy quickly enters a bathroom and you grin. 

no escaping now, parker.

you wait outside the bathroom eagerly. only for minutes to pass. no sound escapes the room and you furrow your brows.

you knock on the door, no answer. annoyed you open the door, only to be met with an empty bathroom. 

an empty bathroom with an opened window.

what the fuck?

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“we’ve been upgraded!” mr. harrington gleams, looking down at our tired faces.

“last time we were upgraded we almost died.” betty sighs.

“ah- what did i say, we’re not going to repeat last year,” harrington retorts. “now...how do you guys feel about paris?”

well those words certainly livened up the breakfast table. train tickets are soon passed around, and you study yours, spoonful of yogurt still in your mouth.

“hey y/n, mj and i are gonna go to the louvre when we get there,” ned grins. “wanna come with?”

you chuckle, “another museum? nah, i’m good.”

mj quirks a brow at you, “this museum is home to the mona lisa. it’s not just any museum.”

“and the mona lisa is not just any painting… it’s an ugly one.” you huff.

ned guffaws at you.

“honestly, i might skip out too.” peter says.

you turn to face him, “great. you and i can explore paris while mj and ned explore another museum.”

he shifts in his seat, “i dunno i was thinking of-”

mj cuts him off, “i think that’s a great idea y/n. don’t you, peter? you remember what harrington said.. no repeat of last year.”

her eyes are cold as she awaits his answer and he fidgets more in his seat.

“i just think it might be best for me to stay here… ya know in case mr. stark needs anything.”

you roll your eyes, “dude, you’re just an intern. what could he possibly need that his other ten thousand interns can’t do.”

“technically he only has like six other… interns.” peter mumbles.

“but uh.. they can handle whatever mr. stark needs from you. i mean they’ve been av- uh, interns, for a while.” ned says, eyes pleading with his friend.

peter sighs before smiling at you, “alright, me and you versus paris.”

no peter parker, me and myself versus your dirty little secret.

somehow you got to sit next to peter in an empty train car for the ride to paris. and holy shit.. could he talk.

his eyes did have a way of lighting a fire inside you as he talked but, that, was not the point.

it was between an empty car with peter or full car sat between flash and harrington.

peter is always better than the latter.

“-anyways, how’d you convince your parents to let you go back to europe?” he asks.

“i didn’t. they made me.” you say simply.

peter slumps into his seat a little, “uh, why?”

“because when they were younger they traveled the world. i dunno, i guess they expect me to want to as well.” 

“oh. well, are you enjoying it so far.” he asks.

i’d enjoy it more if i could figure out your damned secret, parker.

“sure.”

and then, finally, peter is quiet. 

but not for long, as the train comes to a screeching halt.

over the train speakers comes a booming voice, “veuillez rester calme. le train s'est arrêté en raison d'un dysfonctionnement du moteur.”

your body tenses and you look at peter, “please tell me you understand french?”

“a little.. i dont think we need to worry. they said it’s just an engine malfunction.” he nods, looking around the train car.

you try to breathe. 

everything is okay. there’s no evil robots coming to destroy a train car with two innocent teenagers. that’s so pre civil war. just breathe. 

suddenly a loud bang is heard from the car behind you. not just any bang… a gunshot.

“holy shit.” you whisper, stiff as a board.

peter on the other hand is rummaging through his bag.

“parker! what the fuck are you doing?” you hiss.

“i.. just trust me okay? when i tell you to run… run.”

you look at him with a scowl, “i’m not going to be the sacrificial pig for slaughter, asswipe.”

he rolls his eyes, “i’m going to run with you. we’re going to find an empty car and then… wait for spiderman.” 

you blink. the kid’s gone insane.

“peter. listen, i know coping with your own inevitable death can be hard but, spiderman.. really?” you groan.

another loud bang comes from the car behind you. 

peter looks at you, taking your hand in his. 

the door to your car bursts open.

“run!” peter yelps, rushing into the next car, the gunmen not far enough behind.

“holy shit i’m gonna die.” you scream.

peter throws something at the gunmen when the two of you enter the next car, separating the two of you from the monsters.

but the kid didn’t throw just anything at them. motherfucker threw a damn door. a metal train door.

by the time you process the information, peter is pulling you into a cramped bathroom.

“i don’t have much time but basically, hi, i’m spiderman. those guys back there are people tony stark pissed off really bad and i need you to hide in here until i fix this issue.”

with that he pulls his jacket off revealing the spiderman suit you’re so used to seeing on the news.

“that’s your secret? this entire time i’ve been hanging around you trying to figure it out, and it turns out you’re spiderman. i would have thought anything before fucking spiderman.” you dwell, eyes wide.

he slips his mask on, “wait, you only hung out with me because you thought i had a secret? i mean.. i did but-”

another loud bang interrupts him, “nevermind. we’ll talk about this later. stay here and don’t tell anyone what i just told you.”

you nod, and watch him exit the bathroom.

so much for “not a repeat of last time.”

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“at least it wasn’t witches this time.” mr. dell sighs.

your entire fourth period groans. 

“what! our world is infested with witches now. i don’t even know why i’m teaching science. i’m gonna turn around one day and suddenly i’ll be teaching witchcraft.”

your eyes return back to your desk, staring a hole into the old wood. your trance is broken by a crumpled piece of paper. you roll your eyes and turn your attention to peter, who after europe has been watching you like a hawk.

you open the paper to see, ‘listen, mr. stark said i need to get written evidence that you won’t spill the beans. please sign below.’

you grimace but sign at the bottom of the paper and hand it back to your new ninny friend.

that’s right. friend. despite being one of the most annoying people on the planet, with the weirdest secret ever.. peter was nice. he was really nice. he liked almost everything you did and listened intently to whatever you had to say.

“earth to y/n.” his voice calls from beside you.

“oh? is class over?” you ask.

he nods and holds his arm out to you. you take it and give him a half smile.

you may find peter parker to be the weirdest dude ever, but you can’t deny that the secret superhero is starting to flood your mind. you never thought you’d be the one to say it, but peter parker is the coolest weirdo you’ve ever met.

and besides, your mission was a success. you figured out his secret and obtained a friend along with it.

well, friend, until you could complete your newest mission.

telling him you like him. like, a lot.

[joheunsaram]

To Make A Power Couple - 06 (knj)

Chapter 6: Garlic Pasta and I Miss You-s

THIS IS A REPOST SINCE I LOST ACCESS TO MY OLD ACCOUNT. PLEASE FOLLOW THIS BLOG FOR UPDATES ON THIS SERIES.

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Summary- Namjoon visits his parents and Yoongi and Y/N bond over their past.

word count- 4.5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- R

genre- series, fluff, angst, action, slightly smutty, strangers2lovers

warnings- drinking, talk of mental health and panic attacks, violence, blood, stalker

a.n- sorry for this chapter being late! i had major burn out this last few weeks but I finally got it out. Tell me what you think!

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach, @sscheherazadee, @rjsmochii , @jinjccns​ , @joyful-jimin @sideblogger @agustdpeach @diamonddia-mond

—

“I hate you Kim Namjoon! Get out!”

Namjoon looks at you with an amused smile as he drops his bags at the door of your bedroom. You’re sitting in your bed, your comforter fully around you, even on top of your head, as you loudly blow your nose, some show blaring on the television. Even though he feels bad about passing on his cold to you, he can’t help but find your red nose and whining adorable. The past few months since Namjoon returned from tour had been few of the best you’d had in Korea. Although you both still had remarkably busy schedules, you had found a routine of spending time together at least once a week, usually ending your Saturdays together to spend as much of the Sunday together as possible. It didn’t matter how you spent your time, whether it was spent going out on dates or sitting silently reading or cuddling, all that mattered was that you were together.

“Aw baby, I’m sorry!” He sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arms around your burittoed body. He kissed all over your face obnoxiously, much to your chagrin as you groaned and tried to get him off you, worried to get your snot on him. “Okay. Tell you what. I’ll cancel going to my parents and stay here to take care of you!” He punctuated that with another kiss on your lips. Hey, he’d already suffered through this cold, might as well take advantage of being able to be near you now.

“No! Shut up! You’re not cancelling.” Since things were slower at work, the company had decided to give Namjoon and the boys the week off. He had spent the first day with you, going to the most recent Ji Hye Yeom exhibit yesterday, and was going to go visit his family for the next four days. When Namjoon told you he was planning to spend the majority of his vacation with his parents, he was bracing himself for a negative reaction, a learned response from his previous relationship. His ex would always hate that he would visit his family for extended periods when he got time off and wouldn’t prioritize his relationship with her. He was surprised and relieved to hear you not only excited that he was visiting family but encouraging him to spend more time, upping his initial ask of two days to four. He liked that you always encouraged him to call his mom when he was on tour, as did his mom, so much so that she had started to say ‘my beautiful daughter’ whenever she referred to you in front of him.

Namjoon stood up as he watched you rant about the importance of visiting family, one arm out from your duvet heaven as you waved it about to emphasize your points. He almost giggled at how endearing you looked sniffling through your tirade, hair a mess and voice a little hoarse. Taking off his jeans to get comfortable, he chuckled at your wide eyes and dramatic gasp.

“No! We’re not having sex right now you maniac!” You whine as you lie down with the covers over your head. Namjoon gets into bed, pulling the comforter from over you to sneak inside, his arms snaking around your grumbling form to pull him to his chest. Although you complained, you snuggled into him, feeling the safe comfort that only Namjoon provided you.

“I just wanna nap with you before I leave.” He kissed the top of your head as he tangled your legs with his. You poked your head up from where it was hiding in his chest to look up at his smiling face as he cupped your cheek to place a chaste kiss on your lips. Caressing the skin once he leans away, he looks at you adoringly.  “Sorry for getting you sick, baby.”

———————————-

“Your boyfriend is a tyrant. Please never get sick again.” Yoongi took off his beanie and mask and shook his head to fluff his hair as you went through your phone to finish placing the order for takeout. After talking to Namjoon about how you had spent all of yesterday recovering, and even facetiming to ensure him that you were fit enough to be working again, he still didn’t believe you, forcing the only member of his band that was in Seoul during his vacation to make sure you were truly alright. You would be annoyed if your heart didn’t skip a beat at his overt concern. You were glad to spend time with Yoongi - he was pretty similar to you and you both had been slacking on hanging out lately. A few months ago you had decided to host a whiskey exchange where you would share bottles of your favourite liquor together, only for it to fall apart after two hangouts due to your busy schedules and Yoongi’s new relationship. It was nice to be in his company again, his mellow energy a great contrast to your usually loud friends.

“What did he say?” You question, laughing. Yoongi had called Namjoon many funny nicknames before but hearing him call him a tyrant made you laugh, picturing your boyfriend getting stern and demanding someone pay you a visit.

“You wanna see?” Yoongi chuckled as he pulled his phone out, navigating to the group chat and handing it to you. You couldn’t help but smile as you read Namjoon pleading to the group to check in on you, asking if anyone was around. Yoongi said he was around but refused only to relent once the other boys pressured him and Namjoon pulled in a favour Yoongi owed him from 2015.

“Ooof. Honestly, it’s not that bad. Good to know Jungkook would literally kill for me though, and that you hate to hang out with me.” You threw an ice cube at him from where you were putting them in your glasses.

“He wouldn’t. He’s just a suck up.” He dodged your attack, sticking his tongue out in triumph. “And you know I had to make Namjoon suffer a bit.”

Rolling your eyes at him as he smirked, you watched him pull out his bottle from his backpack. Your Craigellachie 16 no match for his Glenfiddich 30, you chastised him for buying such an expensive bottle for just the exchange. However, you were not going to say no to a glass of that and the two of you sat in a comfortable silence as you enjoyed your drinks. You were the first to break the silence.

“How’s your bae?”

“Oh haven’t you heard? Bae is no more! Broke my heart and left me to suffer.” Yoongi scowled as he dramatically grabbed his chest, before downing his drink. If you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought he was joking but his usual deadpan was missing.

“Shit… I’m sorry Yoongs.” You looked at him softly, making him scoff.

“It’s fine. Going to get a sick album out of this.” Yoongi waved you off, as he reached in his backpack again to bring out three bottles of soju. “Let’s get drunk!”

“That’s… one way of looking at things. You want to talk about it?” You knew he didn’t want to talk about it, it was probably still fresh and you didn’t want to impose but you wanted to give him the opportunity to share if he wanted to.

“Nah it’s fine. It was the usual anyways. ‘You’re always busy.’ ‘Why won’t you share your feelings with me?’ ‘Do you love me more or your career?’ I say good riddance.” He scoffed once again as he poured himself some more whiskey, sipping it blissfully.

“Well good to know you’re not hiding your pain.” You narrowed your eyes at him, but decided to get drunk with him anyways, taking up his offer to refill your glass. You had an extremely light day at work tomorrow with it being Friday and all, plus you knew that once Yoongi got drunk he would tell you how he was feeling. He was a very talkative drunk.

“Oh you know it. I’m nothing if not in touch with my feelings!”

Soon you and Yoongi were wasted, sitting on opposite ends of your couch as the television played the ‘important videos’ playlist on Youtube, laughing maniacally at each random short video that popped up. The food you had ordered was sitting on the coffee table, half eaten and getting cold. Having not heard Yoongi’s giggle in a while you looked away from the screen to see him staring into space, a slight frown on his lips.

“Dude. You good?” You poked him with your foot to break him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah. Sorry just realized I’m single again. Fuck.” He looked at you with wide eyes, as if he had just had an epiphany. You frowned at him, sad that he was feeling this way. In the past six months, you had come to learn that although Yoongi often talked about how much he loved being alone, in reality he put a lot of pressure on himself to find someone to be with.

“You know you’re worth more than a relationship, right?” You placed your hand on his, smiling reassuringly.

“Don’t go all Dr. Phil on me. I’m not that sad. It was like two months but it felt nice to call someone mine, you know?” He rolled his eyes at your concern, but held your hand tighter as he finished his sentence, averting his gaze with a melancholic look. He looked at you again sighing. “How did you get over your last breakup?”

“Um… not healthily. I almost sold my company.”

And so for the next hour, you told Yoongi of how messed up your previous relationship had made you. You don’t think you had talked about it in depth about your breakup with Beomseok for years now, but somehow drunk off extremely expensive whiskey and extremely cheap soju it felt natural to share the details about your most toxic relationship with Yoongi. Beomseok and you met when you were initially still in Canada, visiting Seoul in hopes of expanding. You were busy and he tried to help you as you adjusted to a new country, but as your relationship grew so did his tendency to ensure you relied on him. As hard as it was to admit to Yoongi, Beomseok had made you dependent on him, so much so that when he left you after two years of you accommodating him, you broke down. You started having terrible anxiety, using alcohol and cigarettes to take the edge off. Panic attacks became the norm so much so that you had contemplated leaving your position. You couldn’t see your friends, worked from home, and just buried yourself away. It took half a year of self destructive behaviour and for you to wake up in a bed with someone you didn’t remember to knock some sense into you and get yourself into therapy. Yoongi then talked about his own relationship issues, the two of you bonding over your struggles with mental health and shitty coping mechanisms. It was weird to think that Yoongi hadn’t been one of your close friends before this night.

It was around two in the morning by the time Yoongi left and you felt the emotions of the night catch up to you. You hadn’t thought about Beomseok in years, and thinking about him made you feel extremely sad for past you. You didn’t deserve how he treated you and you wished you could go back in time and shake some sense into yourself, and save the heartbreak. Lying in bed, drunk and emotional, you mourned for your old self and her faith in the world. However, looking at your phone you saw the photo of you and Namjoon - him standing behind you with his arm on your shoulder as he pretends to take a bite off your cheek as you grimace - and you were reminded that you were in a much better place now with a much better man. To say you looked forward to Namjoon returning tomorrow would be an understatement.

———————————-

Namjoon: I’m back!!! Namjoon: I miss you!!! Namjoon: Come over!!! Namjoon: I’m cooking for you!!! Y/N: Um… should I call poison control now or later? Namjoon: I’m back after almost a week and this is the welcome I get? Y/N: Babeeeee you know I love you! Namjoon: Prove it. Eat the pasta I’m making Y/N: Did anyone at least help you cook it? Namjoon: IT’S GOING TO BE GOOD. COME OVER. Y/N: Ok ok. No need to yell… Namjoon: Good. See you in an hour? Namjoon: I’m at the dorms btw Y/N: See you soon jooooooonie Y/N: I miss you too btw Namjoon: I love you too btw

You punched the code to the dorm and were greeted by a very excited Moni as you entered. The white dog jumping up at your legs, his tail wagging wildly behind him. You bent down in the entryway to give him a few scratches behind his ears, cooing and calling him a good boy.

“All this love for Moni, what about Joonie? I’m a good boy too!” You heard Namjoon shout out as you made your way through the large living room towards the kitchen, Moni playfully following.

“Aww is my good boy jealous?” You set your eyes on your boyfriend huddled over a cutting board, concentrating hard on cutting what seemed to be garlic, his jaw set. Namjoon was dressed in a blue overalls under which he wore a black sweater, the hood atop his head, the hair of which was now back to his natural dark brown, his nose scrunched as he attempted to keep his glasses from slipping. You don’t know if it was not seeing him for a while or the fact that he looked so cuddly, but you felt butterflies, your stomach somersaulting. You hadn’t felt them since the beginning of your relationship, and you were a bit unnerved that he still had that effect on you six months later.

“Holy shit. You look like a hot minion!” You almost yelled as you walked towards him, startling him enough to look at you with wide eyes under his black rimmed glasses and yelp.

“Don’t scare me like that! I almost cut my hand off!” He tried to glare at you but was soon smiling widely as you ducked under his arm to stand directly in front of him between the counter, putting your arms around his neck as you pulled him into a kiss. It felt amazing to have his plush lips against yours again, his familiar scent enveloping your senses till it felt like you were drunk off of him.

“I missed you,” you whispered against his lips. Your hands found your elbows as you pulled him in closer and deepened the kiss, making him moan, his tongue massaging yours as his hands went to your hips, pulling you to him. Before you could lose all your senses you felt a sharp poke on your lower back, and you reluctantly pulled away to look behind you.

“Joonie! You’re still holding the knife!” You said in alarm as his eyes widened again and he dropped it on the counter immediately before looking at you sheepishly and apologizing. “Control yourself. I don’t want to spend the night in the hospital!”

“Then stop distracting me! Go sit there and watch me make you the best pasta of your life.” He smirked and his eyes followed as you moved around the island to sit at the stool, bending down to pet Moni as he settled at your feet. Namjoon knew he was a terrible cook, but he had spent the time at home perfecting this recipe, subjecting his mom to the first few horrible tries, till he figured it out. It was a simple five ingredient dish but it was the first he’d learn and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to impress you. You always cooked for him, from experimental recipes you had found online to traditional Korean food that was second best only to his mom’s, and though he was always happy to do the dishes, he wanted your reunion to be special. He cooked almost quietly, blushing slightly at your words and looks of encouragement, plating it like restaurants would before placing it on the dining table and sitting next to you with a bottle of wine, anticipating your reaction.

“What the fuck? You can cook!” you exclaim as you dig in for another bite. Namjoon lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he grinned at his success, finally digging into his meal. “I love the garlic. But damn, is this your way of telling me you don’t wanna kiss tonight?”

“Baby, I find even your gross morning breath irresistible, a little garlic’s not gonna stop me.” he laughed and you scowled at him, nudging him with your shoulder, as he leaned over to peck your lips. You weren’t trying to placate Namjoon, this pasta was absolutely delicious, the right amount of seasoning and everything. It warmed your heart that despite his firestarter tendencies he went through the effort to make you a home cooked meal.

As you ate, you talked about your days apart. You recovered from your cold within a day and had been back at work, and even though he scolded you for going back too fast Namjoon loved the way your eyes lit up when you talked about how you had managed to renew a contract with a client today, switching the period from their usual 1 year to 5 years. You had been working on this for a whole month, taking it upon yourself to attend meetings with not only the directors of this company but even the interns. He squealed with you at your success, high-fiving you and finding your excitement extremely adorable. You also talked about how after two bottles of soju Yoongi had finally admitted you were now his closest female friend and he agreed that you both should now tease him about it relentlessly.

Namjoon told you about how excited everyone was to have him home for that extended period of time, and how healing it was to be around them after the cacophony of tour. Apparently his sister had recently started learning how to make loom bracelets and he showed off the purple one on his wrist, telling you about how he had a matching one for you in his bag. Namjoon looked refreshed and you were glad you convinced him to spend the extra time home. He had also managed to bring back another bonsai tree to add to his collection, taking the time to explain how in a few years he could potentially tap the mini maple for some syrup. The image of your clumsy boyfriend trying to tap a tiny tree made you laugh. As the conversation continued and you both finished your food, you saw his mood dip a little. You silently lean forward cupping his face, as he nuzzles into your touch.

“My beautiful, hardworking boy. What’s wrong?” You coo with a soft smile on your face as your thumbs stroked his cheekbones and he pouts exaggeratedly before his hands go around your waist pulling you into his lap.

“I missed you.” He whispers as he nuzzles his face in your chest, his arms tightening around you. Namjoon felt cocooned in your sweet floral vanilla scent, and even though he’d been home just this morning, this felt like home too - just being in your embrace. He felt his heart swell with adoration as you stroked his hair slowly, whispering affirmations into his ear, slowly forgetting his worries about not spending enough time with you.

Usually when you both met after being apart, it was all desperation to get naked, but for the first time this felt much more intimate. He could hear your heartbeat and it soothed him. He suddenly envisioned both of you old and weathered in each other’s arms and he couldn’t fight the grin that made it on his face. He showered you in kisses, moving from your chest to your neck to your jaw and finally to your lips, where he stayed, kissing you firmly as his arms wind tighter around your waist. You lost yourself in his touch, wanting nothing more to be consumed by him as you tugged lightly at his hair, swallowing his moans. Before things could escalate you get startled by a loud thud.

“Wow! Right where we eat!” Jimin clicked his tongue in disapproval, as you both sheepishly stared at him.

“Noona!” Jungkook exclaimed as he came over to Namjoon and you, dragging you into a hug as he kissed the top of both of your heads. The two men seemed overly excited, and as Namjoon explained to you how he thought he was alone in the dorms tonight since no one has been around in weeks, the two interrupted to say that they had come to start a movie marathon, hoping to stay up all night since they had the day off tomorrow to marathon the Batman franchise as they had a bet going on as which one was the best.

“Do you guys want to join us?” Jimin asked politely as he munched on leftover pasta on the table. You excitedly opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word out, Namjoon looked at you sternly.

“Nope.” He refused the boys as he looked at you, leaning in close to whisper in your ear before he nipped at it. “Baby, ignore your obsession with Batman. I want my dessert.” His voice was a few octaves lower than usual and his words made you shiver, a blush creeping up your face as a nervous giggle escaped your lips. Maybe you could skip rewatching these old movies, just once.

Bidding a quick goodbye to the boys and ignoring their smirks, you both made your way to Namjoon’s room. As soon as you were out of sight, Namjoon pulled you into another kiss, slotting your lower lip between his, making your heart race as he walked you down the hallway towards his room. You almost tripped over his bags haphazardly strewn in front of his door.

“Sorry, didn’t have time to go to my room yet.” He chuckled against your lips as his grip on your hips stabilized you. You giggled as you turned around to open his door, his lips on your neck instantaneously as he rubbed his growing bulge against your butt. His touch had you breathless as you moved in his room, Moni following closely behind you. Removing himself from you he picked up his dog and moved him outside murmuring an apology to the whining canine as he shut the door.

Without wasting any time, he pinned you against the door, your makeout session getting heavy. Your eyes were screwed shut as you mewled, his lips along your neck igniting a fire in you. Your hands moved from his hair to the buckles of his overalls, snapping them off as they fell to the ground unceremoniously. “Oh look! Easy access!” you exclaimed as he smiled against your skin.

His lips met yours again, his hands kneading the flesh of your sides under your shirt. You could kiss him like this forever, the way his tongue explores your mouth as if he doesn’t already know every crevice of your body, as if he’s worshipping you. His kiss slows down, turning from a sloppy fiery heat to intentional moves made to make you moan as he moves you towards the bed, dropping you to the middle as soon as your knees hit the back of the bed. He stands above you removing his shirt with one hand as you move backwards and soon he’s slotting himself between you.

“Fuck I love you.” He whispers as he kisses your cheek, moving towards your ear. You moan loudly as he grinds against you. Your hands run over his back, feeling the muscles as he continues to kiss your neck, biting it before soothing it with wide licks of his tongue. You used to be embarrassed by the marks he left behind but somehow as time passed you craved them. Jiyoung had even nicknamed him your vampire, and you’d be lying if that didn’t make you giddy.

Realizing you were still fully dressed you pushed at his chest, making him lie next to you as you straddled him, one of your knees almost slipping off the edge of the bed. You giggle at your clumsiness as he holds your hips to steady you and you slowly unbutton your shirt. As your skin becomes visible he runs his hands up your stomach to your chest, squeezing each breast as he reaches your neck before pulling your face to his.

“Mhmm… my pretty girl.” He almost growls as he pulls you into another heated kiss, his hands cupping your face as you grind on him. Suddenly you feel a tug at your hair, making you moan into his mouth, breaking the kiss. Before you know it you are on the floor, laughing at your clumsiness as you see his confused face, eyes still closed, lips puckered.

However, your laughter dies as you hear a loud screech. That’s when you feel that your hair was still being tugged as you looked up to see a tall, bulky woman, probably in her late thirties calling you a slut. Before you can even register what is happening you feel a sharp pain across your face as you realize you’ve just been punched. You taste the iron before you notice drops of bright red on your chest.

You cup your nose with one hand as you hear chaos ensue. Namjoon yelling your name as Moni barks loudly outside the room. You are aware that you are still lying on the floor but your eyes refuse to open as you hear scuffling before the door being slammed and Jungkook’s voice.

Everything’s a blur and you hear a loud blood curdling scream. Before you can register that that noise came from your mouth you hear your arm snap just as the most pain you have ever felt in your life turns your arm numb. You don’t remember much after, only grunts and shouts of your name. The last thing you hear is Namjoon’s voice calling your name repeatedly as he holds your head.

——

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[joheun-saram]

To Make A Power Couple (knj) | 6

Chapter 6: Garlic Pasta and I miss you-s

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Summary- Namjoon visits his parents and Yoongi and Y/N bond over their past.

word count- 4.5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- R

genre- series, fluff, angst, action, slightly smutty, strangers2lovers

warnings- drinking, talk of mental health and panic attacks, violence, blood, stalker

a.n- sorry for this chapter being late! i had major burn out this last few weeks but I finally got it out. Tell me what you think!

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach, @sscheherazadee, @rjsmochii , @jinjccns​ , @joyful-jimin @sideblogger @agustdpeach @diamonddia-mond

---

“I hate you Kim Namjoon! Get out!”

Namjoon looks at you with an amused smile as he drops his bags at the door of your bedroom. You’re sitting in your bed, your comforter fully around you, even on top of your head, as you loudly blow your nose, some show blaring on the television. Even though he feels bad about passing on his cold to you, he can’t help but find your red nose and whining adorable. The past few months since Namjoon returned from tour had been few of the best you’d had in Korea. Although you both still had remarkably busy schedules, you had found a routine of spending time together at least once a week, usually ending your Saturdays together to spend as much of the Sunday together as possible. It didn’t matter how you spent your time, whether it was spent going out on dates or sitting silently reading or cuddling, all that mattered was that you were together. 

“Aw baby, I’m sorry!” He sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arms around your burittoed body. He kissed all over your face obnoxiously, much to your chagrin as you groaned and tried to get him off you, worried to get your snot on him. “Okay. Tell you what. I’ll cancel going to my parents and stay here to take care of you!” He punctuated that with another kiss on your lips. Hey, he’d already suffered through this cold, might as well take advantage of being able to be near you now.

“No! Shut up! You’re not cancelling.” Since things were slower at work, the company had decided to give Namjoon and the boys the week off. He had spent the first day with you, going to the most recent Ji Hye Yeom exhibit yesterday, and was going to go visit his family for the next four days. When Namjoon told you he was planning to spend the majority of his vacation with his parents, he was bracing himself for a negative reaction, a learned response from his previous relationship. His ex would always hate that he would visit his family for extended periods when he got time off and wouldn’t prioritize his relationship with her. He was surprised and relieved to hear you not only excited that he was visiting family but encouraging him to spend more time, upping his initial ask of two days to four. He liked that you always encouraged him to call his mom when he was on tour, as did his mom, so much so that she had started to say ‘my beautiful daughter’ whenever she referred to you in front of him.

Namjoon stood up as he watched you rant about the importance of visiting family, one arm out from your duvet heaven as you waved it about to emphasize your points. He almost giggled at how endearing you looked sniffling through your tirade, hair a mess and voice a little hoarse. Taking off his jeans to get comfortable, he chuckled at your wide eyes and dramatic gasp.

“No! We’re not having sex right now you maniac!” You whine as you lie down with the covers over your head. Namjoon gets into bed, pulling the comforter from over you to sneak inside, his arms snaking around your grumbling form to pull him to his chest. Although you complained, you snuggled into him, feeling the safe comfort that only Namjoon provided you.

“I just wanna nap with you before I leave.” He kissed the top of your head as he tangled your legs with his. You poked your head up from where it was hiding in his chest to look up at his smiling face as he cupped your cheek to place a chaste kiss on your lips. Caressing the skin once he leans away, he looks at you adoringly.  “Sorry for getting you sick, baby.”

----------------------------------

“Your boyfriend is a tyrant. Please never get sick again.” Yoongi took off his beanie and mask and shook his head to fluff his hair as you went through your phone to finish placing the order for takeout. After talking to Namjoon about how you had spent all of yesterday recovering, and even facetiming to ensure him that you were fit enough to be working again, he still didn’t believe you, forcing the only member of his band that was in Seoul during his vacation to make sure you were truly alright. You would be annoyed if your heart didn’t skip a beat at his overt concern. You were glad to spend time with Yoongi - he was pretty similar to you and you both had been slacking on hanging out lately. A few months ago you had decided to host a whiskey exchange where you would share bottles of your favourite liquor together, only for it to fall apart after two hangouts due to your busy schedules and Yoongi’s new relationship. It was nice to be in his company again, his mellow energy a great contrast to your usually loud friends.

“What did he say?” You question, laughing. Yoongi had called Namjoon many funny nicknames before but hearing him call him a tyrant made you laugh, picturing your boyfriend getting stern and demanding someone pay you a visit. 

“You wanna see?” Yoongi chuckled as he pulled his phone out, navigating to the group chat and handing it to you. You couldn’t help but smile as you read Namjoon pleading to the group to check in on you, asking if anyone was around. Yoongi said he was around but refused only to relent once the other boys pressured him and Namjoon pulled in a favour Yoongi owed him from 2015.

“Ooof. Honestly, it’s not that bad. Good to know Jungkook would literally kill for me though, and that you hate to hang out with me.” You threw an ice cube at him from where you were putting them in your glasses. 

“He wouldn’t. He’s just a suck up.” He dodged your attack, sticking his tongue out in triumph. “And you know I had to make Namjoon suffer a bit.”

Rolling your eyes at him as he smirked, you watched him pull out his bottle from his backpack. Your Craigellachie 16 no match for his Glenfiddich 30, you chastised him for buying such an expensive bottle for just the exchange. However, you were not going to say no to a glass of that and the two of you sat in a comfortable silence as you enjoyed your drinks. You were the first to break the silence. 

“How’s your bae?”

“Oh haven’t you heard? Bae is no more! Broke my heart and left me to suffer.” Yoongi scowled as he dramatically grabbed his chest, before downing his drink. If you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought he was joking but his usual deadpan was missing. 

“Shit… I’m sorry Yoongs.” You looked at him softly, making him scoff.

“It’s fine. Going to get a sick album out of this.” Yoongi waved you off, as he reached in his backpack again to bring out three bottles of soju. “Let’s get drunk!”

“That’s… one way of looking at things. You want to talk about it?” You knew he didn’t want to talk about it, it was probably still fresh and you didn’t want to impose but you wanted to give him the opportunity to share if he wanted to.

“Nah it’s fine. It was the usual anyways. ‘You’re always busy.’ ‘Why won’t you share your feelings with me?’ ‘Do you love me more or your career?’ I say good riddance.” He scoffed once again as he poured himself some more whiskey, sipping it blissfully.

“Well good to know you’re not hiding your pain.” You narrowed your eyes at him, but decided to get drunk with him anyways, taking up his offer to refill your glass. You had an extremely light day at work tomorrow with it being Friday and all, plus you knew that once Yoongi got drunk he would tell you how he was feeling. He was a very talkative drunk.

“Oh you know it. I’m nothing if not in touch with my feelings!”

Soon you and Yoongi were wasted, sitting on opposite ends of your couch as the television played the ‘important videos’ playlist on Youtube, laughing maniacally at each random short video that popped up. The food you had ordered was sitting on the coffee table, half eaten and getting cold. Having not heard Yoongi’s giggle in a while you looked away from the screen to see him staring into space, a slight frown on his lips.

“Dude. You good?” You poked him with your foot to break him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah. Sorry just realized I’m single again. Fuck.” He looked at you with wide eyes, as if he had just had an epiphany. You frowned at him, sad that he was feeling this way. In the past six months, you had come to learn that although Yoongi often talked about how much he loved being alone, in reality he put a lot of pressure on himself to find someone to be with.

“You know you’re worth more than a relationship, right?” You placed your hand on his, smiling reassuringly.

“Don’t go all Dr. Phil on me. I’m not that sad. It was like two months but it felt nice to call someone mine, you know?” He rolled his eyes at your concern, but held your hand tighter as he finished his sentence, averting his gaze with a melancholic look. He looked at you again sighing. “How did you get over your last breakup?”

“Um… not healthily. I almost sold my company.”

And so for the next hour, you told Yoongi of how messed up your previous relationship had made you. You don’t think you had talked about it in depth about your breakup with Beomseok for years now, but somehow drunk off extremely expensive whiskey and extremely cheap soju it felt natural to share the details about your most toxic relationship with Yoongi. Beomseok and you met when you were initially still in Canada, visiting Seoul in hopes of expanding. You were busy and he tried to help you as you adjusted to a new country, but as your relationship grew so did his tendency to ensure you relied on him. As hard as it was to admit to Yoongi, Beomseok had made you dependent on him, so much so that when he left you after two years of you accommodating him, you broke down. You started having terrible anxiety, using alcohol and cigarettes to take the edge off. Panic attacks became the norm so much so that you had contemplated leaving your position. You couldn’t see your friends, worked from home, and just buried yourself away. It took half a year of self destructive behaviour and for you to wake up in a bed with someone you didn’t remember to knock some sense into you and get yourself into therapy. Yoongi then talked about his own relationship issues, the two of you bonding over your struggles with mental health and shitty coping mechanisms. It was weird to think that Yoongi hadn’t been one of your close friends before this night.

It was around two in the morning by the time Yoongi left and you felt the emotions of the night catch up to you. You hadn’t thought about Beomseok in years, and thinking about him made you feel extremely sad for past you. You didn’t deserve how he treated you and you wished you could go back in time and shake some sense into yourself, and save the heartbreak. Lying in bed, drunk and emotional, you mourned for your old self and her faith in the world. However, looking at your phone you saw the photo of you and Namjoon - him standing behind you with his arm on your shoulder as he pretends to take a bite off your cheek as you grimace - and you were reminded that you were in a much better place now with a much better man. To say you looked forward to Namjoon returning tomorrow would be an understatement.

----------------------------------

Namjoon: I’m back!!!

Namjoon: I miss you!!!

Namjoon: Come over!!!

Namjoon: I’m cooking for you!!!

Y/N: Um… should I call poison control now or later?

Namjoon: I’m back after almost a week and this is the welcome I get?

Y/N: Babeeeee you know I love you!

Namjoon: Prove it. Eat the pasta I’m making

Y/N: Did anyone at least help you cook it?

Namjoon: IT’S GOING TO BE GOOD. COME OVER.

Y/N: Ok ok. No need to yell...

Namjoon: Good. See you in an hour?

Namjoon: I’m at the dorms btw

Y/N: See you soon jooooooonie

Y/N: I miss you too btw

Namjoon: I love you too btw

You punched the code to the dorm and were greeted by a very excited Moni as you entered. The white dog jumping up at your legs, his tail wagging wildly behind him. You bent down in the entryway to give him a few scratches behind his ears, cooing and calling him a good boy. 

“All this love for Moni, what about Joonie? I’m a good boy too!” You heard Namjoon shout out as you made your way through the large living room towards the kitchen, Moni playfully following. 

“Aww is my good boy jealous?” You set your eyes on your boyfriend huddled over a cutting board, concentrating hard on cutting what seemed to be garlic, his jaw set. Namjoon was dressed in a blue overalls under which he wore a black sweater, the hood atop his head, the hair of which was now back to his natural dark brown, his nose scrunched as he attempted to keep his glasses from slipping. You don’t know if it was not seeing him for a while or the fact that he looked so cuddly, but you felt butterflies, your stomach somersaulting. You hadn’t felt them since the beginning of your relationship, and you were a bit unnerved that he still had that effect on you six months later. 

“Holy shit. You look like a hot minion!” You almost yelled as you walked towards him, startling him enough to look at you with wide eyes under his black rimmed glasses and yelp.

“Don’t scare me like that! I almost cut my hand off!” He tried to glare at you but was soon smiling widely as you ducked under his arm to stand directly in front of him between the counter, putting your arms around his neck as you pulled him into a kiss. It felt amazing to have his plush lips against yours again, his familiar scent enveloping your senses till it felt like you were drunk off of him. 

“I missed you,” you whispered against his lips. Your hands found your elbows as you pulled him in closer and deepened the kiss, making him moan, his tongue massaging yours as his hands went to your hips, pulling you to him. Before you could lose all your senses you felt a sharp poke on your lower back, and you reluctantly pulled away to look behind you.

“Joonie! You’re still holding the knife!” You said in alarm as his eyes widened again and he dropped it on the counter immediately before looking at you sheepishly and apologizing. “Control yourself. I don’t want to spend the night in the hospital!”

“Then stop distracting me! Go sit there and watch me make you the best pasta of your life.” He smirked and his eyes followed as you moved around the island to sit at the stool, bending down to pet Moni as he settled at your feet. Namjoon knew he was a terrible cook, but he had spent the time at home perfecting this recipe, subjecting his mom to the first few horrible tries, till he figured it out. It was a simple five ingredient dish but it was the first he’d learn and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to impress you. You always cooked for him, from experimental recipes you had found online to traditional Korean food that was second best only to his mom’s, and though he was always happy to do the dishes, he wanted your reunion to be special. He cooked almost quietly, blushing slightly at your words and looks of encouragement, plating it like restaurants would before placing it on the dining table and sitting next to you with a bottle of wine, anticipating your reaction.

“What the fuck? You can cook!” you exclaim as you dig in for another bite. Namjoon lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he grinned at his success, finally digging into his meal. “I love the garlic. But damn, is this your way of telling me you don’t wanna kiss tonight?”

“Baby, I find even your gross morning breath irresistible, a little garlic’s not gonna stop me.” he laughed and you scowled at him, nudging him with your shoulder, as he leaned over to peck your lips. You weren’t trying to placate Namjoon, this pasta was absolutely delicious, the right amount of seasoning and everything. It warmed your heart that despite his firestarter tendencies he went through the effort to make you a home cooked meal.

As you ate, you talked about your days apart. You recovered from your cold within a day and had been back at work, and even though he scolded you for going back too fast Namjoon loved the way your eyes lit up when you talked about how you had managed to renew a contract with a client today, switching the period from their usual 1 year to 5 years. You had been working on this for a whole month, taking it upon yourself to attend meetings with not only the directors of this company but even the interns. He squealed with you at your success, high-fiving you and finding your excitement extremely adorable. You also talked about how after two bottles of soju Yoongi had finally admitted you were now his closest female friend and he agreed that you both should now tease him about it relentlessly.

Namjoon told you about how excited everyone was to have him home for that extended period of time, and how healing it was to be around them after the cacophony of tour. Apparently his sister had recently started learning how to make loom bracelets and he showed off the purple one on his wrist, telling you about how he had a matching one for you in his bag. Namjoon looked refreshed and you were glad you convinced him to spend the extra time home. He had also managed to bring back another bonsai tree to add to his collection, taking the time to explain how in a few years he could potentially tap the mini maple for some syrup. The image of your clumsy boyfriend trying to tap a tiny tree made you laugh. As the conversation continued and you both finished your food, you saw his mood dip a little. You silently lean forward cupping his face, as he nuzzles into your touch.

“My beautiful, hardworking boy. What’s wrong?” You coo with a soft smile on your face as your thumbs stroked his cheekbones and he pouts exaggeratedly before his hands go around your waist pulling you into his lap.

“I missed you.” He whispers as he nuzzles his face in your chest, his arms tightening around you. Namjoon felt cocooned in your sweet floral vanilla scent, and even though he’d been home just this morning, this felt like home too - just being in your embrace. He felt his heart swell with adoration as you stroked his hair slowly, whispering affirmations into his ear, slowly forgetting his worries about not spending enough time with you. 

Usually when you both met after being apart, it was all desperation to get naked, but for the first time this felt much more intimate. He could hear your heartbeat and it soothed him. He suddenly envisioned both of you old and weathered in each other’s arms and he couldn’t fight the grin that made it on his face. He showered you in kisses, moving from your chest to your neck to your jaw and finally to your lips, where he stayed, kissing you firmly as his arms wind tighter around your waist. You lost yourself in his touch, wanting nothing more to be consumed by him as you tugged lightly at his hair, swallowing his moans. Before things could escalate you get startled by a loud thud. 

“Wow! Right where we eat!” Jimin clicked his tongue in disapproval, as you both sheepishly stared at him. 

“Noona!” Jungkook exclaimed as he came over to Namjoon and you, dragging you into a hug as he kissed the top of both of your heads. The two men seemed overly excited, and as Namjoon explained to you how he thought he was alone in the dorms tonight since no one has been around in weeks, the two interrupted to say that they had come to start a movie marathon, hoping to stay up all night since they had the day off tomorrow to marathon the Batman franchise as they had a bet going on as which one was the best.

“Do you guys want to join us?” Jimin asked politely as he munched on leftover pasta on the table. You excitedly opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word out, Namjoon looked at you sternly.

“Nope.” He refused the boys as he looked at you, leaning in close to whisper in your ear before he nipped at it. “Baby, ignore your obsession with Batman. I want my dessert.” His voice was a few octaves lower than usual and his words made you shiver, a blush creeping up your face as a nervous giggle escaped your lips. Maybe you could skip rewatching these old movies, just once.

Bidding a quick goodbye to the boys and ignoring their smirks, you both made your way to Namjoon’s room. As soon as you were out of sight, Namjoon pulled you into another kiss, slotting your lower lip between his, making your heart race as he walked you down the hallway towards his room. You almost tripped over his bags haphazardly strewn in front of his door.

“Sorry, didn’t have time to go to my room yet.” He chuckled against your lips as his grip on your hips stabilized you. You giggled as you turned around to open his door, his lips on your neck instantaneously as he rubbed his growing bulge against your butt. His touch had you breathless as you moved in his room, Moni following closely behind you. Removing himself from you he picked up his dog and moved him outside murmuring an apology to the whining canine as he shut the door.

Without wasting any time, he pinned you against the door, your makeout session getting heavy. Your eyes were screwed shut as you mewled, his lips along your neck igniting a fire in you. Your hands moved from his hair to the buckles of his overalls, snapping them off as they fell to the ground unceremoniously. “Oh look! Easy access!” you exclaimed as he smiled against your skin.

His lips met yours again, his hands kneading the flesh of your sides under your shirt. You could kiss him like this forever, the way his tongue explores your mouth as if he doesn’t already know every crevice of your body, as if he’s worshipping you. His kiss slows down, turning from a sloppy fiery heat to intentional moves made to make you moan as he moves you towards the bed, dropping you to the middle as soon as your knees hit the back of the bed. He stands above you removing his shirt with one hand as you move backwards and soon he’s slotting himself between you. 

“Fuck I love you.” He whispers as he kisses your cheek, moving towards your ear. You moan loudly as he grinds against you. Your hands run over his back, feeling the muscles as he continues to kiss your neck, biting it before soothing it with wide licks of his tongue. You used to be embarrassed by the marks he left behind but somehow as time passed you craved them. Jiyoung had even nicknamed him your vampire, and you’d be lying if that didn’t make you giddy. 

Realizing you were still fully dressed you pushed at his chest, making him lie next to you as you straddled him, one of your knees almost slipping off the edge of the bed. You giggle at your clumsiness as he holds your hips to steady you and you slowly unbutton your shirt. As your skin becomes visible he runs his hands up your stomach to your chest, squeezing each breast as he reaches your neck before pulling your face to his. 

“Mhmm… my pretty girl.” He almost growls as he pulls you into another heated kiss, his hands cupping your face as you grind on him. Suddenly you feel a tug at your hair, making you moan into his mouth, breaking the kiss. Before you know it you are on the floor, laughing at your clumsiness as you see his confused face, eyes still closed, lips puckered.

However, your laughter dies as you hear a loud screech. That’s when you feel that your hair was still being tugged as you looked up to see a tall, bulky woman, probably in her late thirties calling you a slut. Before you can even register what is happening you feel a sharp pain across your face as you realize you’ve just been punched. You taste the iron before you notice drops of bright red on your chest. 

You cup your nose with one hand as you hear chaos ensue. Namjoon yelling your name as Moni barks loudly outside the room. You are aware that you are still lying on the floor but your eyes refuse to open as you hear scuffling before the door being slammed and Jungkook’s voice. 

Everything’s a blur and you hear a loud blood curdling scream. Before you can register that that noise came from your mouth you hear your arm snap just as the most pain you have ever felt in your life turns your arm numb. You don’t remember much after, only grunts and shouts of your name. The last thing you hear is Namjoon’s voice calling your name repeatedly as he holds your head.

------

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[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #391

“if you wanna soar with vultures, you’ll have to swallow crow”

Have you ever been to Australia? No. I want to visit a friend there, but honestly, Australia scares me too much lmao. That place is like, the Hard mode in life. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My sister's husband just had his. Are you wearing a necklace? If so, describe it. No. Do you know anyone who is left-handed? My best fren. Ever wear out a CD? What was it? Haha, yeah... I caused a few scratches on Ozzy's Black Rain, as well as one more of his, where the album name is surprisingly evading me. What’s your favorite card game? Magic: The Gathering. What’s your favorite fast food meal? Burgers or chicken tenders are usually my go-to, depending on the place. Where is the best restaurant you’ve ever eaten in at? The Cheesecake Factory. @_@ Lamb chops or pork chops? I've actually never tried lamb chops before, but I've always thought they look yummy. If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne, probably. It's very motivating. Ever heard of Shinedown? Yeah, I like 'em. They're one of Dad's faves. What size is your bed? Queen. What is the first meal you remember eating? Hell if I know. What was the first movie you ever saw? I also don't remember. What percentile of your class were you in? The top. Can you name every place you’ve ever had sex? I probably could, but I'm not going to. What forms of birth control have you used? The pill and also just not having a sex life lmao. Do you use sponges or dishcloths when doing the dishes? A sponge. What’s your favorite song on the top twenty right now? I have zero clue what's in the top twenty. Ever punched a wall? No. What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? An ant in the house. My fingers. Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? I've never been pulled over. What was your first legal alcoholic drink? A margarita, I think? What’s the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? Probably this laptop. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought? My snake. Or my most recent tattoo, idr. What is your favorite cover song? I think Disturbed's "Sound of Silence" is unbeatable as a cover. Well, or Johnny Cash's "Hurt." Both SLAUGHTER the originals. Did you ever drop out of school? College, three times. Ever raise a child that wasn’t your own for more than 3 months? No. Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? Considering the location, having a pilonidal cyst drained by pushing on it. Jesus FUCKING Christ it hurt so goddamn bad. Does the place you work have music playing? What sort? I don’t have a job. Do you use Windows, Mac, Linux, or something else entirely? Windows. Do you cut tags out of clothing so they don’t itch and bother you? Yes. How many times a year do you go on vacation? Zero, generally. What is your favorite time period in history to learn about? The Holocaust. What’s the saddest report you have ever seen on the news? *shrug* I don't watch the news. In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Putting aside my illogical fear of whale sharks, probably giant squid. Like no thank u. What superpower do you think would be the most handy in times of trouble? Teleportation. Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or…? No. There are WAY too many people in the world for that. Plus, you're talking to a person who has been in love with two different individuals, and both were perfectly valid feelings. Why are you best friends with your best friend? She's just simply amazing. Strong, funny, intelligent, caring, supportive, loyal... She's, again, amazing. Do you world peace is truly a possibility in the future? Realistically, no. But it's nice to imagine. Pretend you are a really good cook, what meal would you make? *shrug* It would depend on what I wanted to eat. What do you think of when you look at the stars? Just the vastness of everything, and I wonder what it's like up there in outer space. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Dead? Their shells are part of their actual skeletal structure. What’s one thing you feel you must do in your life before it ends? Just... feel like I did something. What Disney princess are you most like? Personality-wise, I mean. Maybe Belle? To be totally honest, I don't really remember the details of most of their personalities. What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Love. Do you use any acne medication? Not anymore. Have you ever tried to learn another language? How did it go? I took Latin for one semester, and it was hard as FUCK. I quickly changed to German next semester and did that for all four available classes. Do you still have a landline phone in your home? No. Throughout a typical week, which places are you likely to go? I go to the TMS therapy office every weekday, and I might ride with my mom to pick up groceries or something. How often do you use your webcam, if you even have one that is? Never anymore because my mic doesn't work on this laptop, so there's no reason to. Do you have a lock number or pattern for your phone? Neither, actually. What was the last thing you bought from a liquor store? Mom bought a nice bottle of some pink lemonade Smirnoff the other day for us to try, but she left it at my sister's. ;-; It looked soooo good. Is there any cereal in your house? What kind? Yeah. Mom got some Honey Nut Cheerios and Reese's Puffs. What's the most number of people you've ever lived with? Excluding myself, I wanna say five. Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day? No. Do you have any pets? How long have you had them? I've had Venus forrrr... I want to say four years, and Roman for two, I think. What's your favourite kind of cheese? American. Have you danced in the rain? No. Who is your favorite person to text? Sara. What’s your favorite brand of jeans? I haven't worn jeans in many years. Do you enjoy Mario games? Not especially. Mario Kart is fun, though. What’s your favorite online game? World of Warcraft. Have you ever been hit with a ball in gym class? Yes. That shit hurts. Who was last to cook for you? My mom. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? YES!!!!! You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? Freeze, physically and mentally. Have you ever ridden in a car with someone who was high? Yes, because I was afraid to say no. Did you ever date the last person you kissed? Yes. Have you ever held a snake? Plenty of times. How often do you have friends over to your house? Never. Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally? No. Who was the last person who cried around you? Why did they start crying? Was it unexpected? My mom, because she always feels unwanted at Ashley's house. It wasn't unexpected, honestly. She cries a lot in the car when she leaves my sister's house, honestly. It's heartbreaking. Do you have any exercises you do everyday? No. :/ Are you more of a dog or cat person? I'm a cat person. That only becomes more apparent with time, really. Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone? I probably have, given I've had nightmares of strangling someone, punching and slapping people... all kinds of stuff. My nightmares are so fucking violent and I hate it. Would you ever have a bird as a pet? No. Have you ever had to speak at a funeral? No. Do you know someone who’s been cremated? My dog, as well as my younger sister's old pup. And Mom's. What is your favorite animated movie? The Lion King. Did your grandparents teach you anything? To not be horrendously old-fashioned and to never have kids, yes. Congrats, Grandma, I took both things to heart. Do you want/have a Bachelor's degree? No. Are you into superheroes? Who's your favourite? Not massively, no. I like Deadpool (yeah, yeah, antihero, whatever) and Spider-Man. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Did you like it? Yes to both. Have you ever played a drinking game? Which ones? I don't think so. Did you ever play Neopets when you were younger? Yes, I LOVED them. Sometimes I'm still tempted to make a new account, I shit you not, lol. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have your parents ever worked in medicine? My mom was a pharmacy technician or some title like that for a long time. Is there anything unusual about your house? I don't think so? How many serious relationships have you been in? Two. Do you listen to Rise Against? I only know "Re-education (Through Labor)," but I LOVE that song. When was the last time you congratulated someone? It was probably something on Facebook, but idr. Have you ever taken care of a newborn baby? Go no, I could never. How old were you when you got your ears pierced? I don't remember my age, but old enough where I did it of my own volition. Do you snore when you sleep? No. Surprising for someone with sleep apnea as horrendous as mine. What was the last type of burger you ate? I had a McDouble from McDonald's a few nights ago.

[benkouji726]

So I wrote my 5+1 Forlex fic, as I was saying earlier. I really lack impulse control when it comes to rnm, sigh.

Jealous Guerin may have some appearances in this fic too, but it’s eventually Forlex. 

This is the first part of it. I will try to update it daily, before I lose my nerves.

Five times Alex surprised Forrest and one time he didn’t

1.

It was supposed to be some harmless fun, at first.

Forrest was intuitive, to put it mildly. You didn’t grow up in a Long household and become this well-liked and popular family member by being dense, especially when you were gay. Besides, his gut feeling had saved him more times than he could count in battles, it was one of the reasons his buddies trusted him with their lives.

He was very good at reading people and situations around or between them. He didn’t always care what people thought of him, of others or of themselves, but he noticed all the same and would efficiently use that information to his advantage. Call it his people skills, but it was how he managed to live through his rebellious youth period, his military years, and now his adult life in a backwards town like Roswell, while never stopped being his colorful-haired, emo-poetry-writing, 20 pounds of personality in a 5 pound pocket-sized body self.

So he had known there was something between Alex and Alien Guy even when they first met at the Long farm. As they talked, it was like there were only them in the whole world. The air seemed thicker and more tangible, the atmosphere charged. Then at the diner, Forrest noticed the meaningful glance Alien Guy shot his way. When Alex sang that song, Guerin walked in and they seemed to have some soul searching conversations through their eyes only, well, it was really not that hard a guess who the song was for. And frankly, Alex needed to work on his poker face a LOT if he was ever gonna sell that obvious “it was a long time ago” lie.

But at the time, it hadn’t really mattered. Whatever it was between them, it seemed neither of them was going to make a move. And Alex was so hot sometimes he wondered how the hell he remained single in the first place, but he WAS single, and a smart guy like Forrest was never gonna miss out a perfectly good opportunity to make out with a hot guy and have some fun time with him.

It was supposed to be just like that, some fun, some company, some glorious make out sessions. Nothing heavy or potential heartbreak or anything.

Which was probably why he didn’t even realize he was falling for Alex until it was a bit of too late.

They were dating for two months at that point. Forrest had met almost all of Alex’s friends and family members (the ones who counted as friends and family in Alex’s book anyway), minus Michael Guerin. And Forrest had won them over one by one. He once overheard Liz call him “charming, funny, honest and loyal to a fault”, to a reluctant Isobel Evans, who had been giving him stink eyes ever since he and Alex had gone out, but in their last get-together thingy (Forrest honestly didn’t know how to call these, because they were irregular as fuck, both in schedule and in attending member counts), Isobel joined him at the bar when he was getting them the last round, considered him for a second, patted him on his shoulder without looking at him and said in a small but genuine voice: “You are not half bad”. So Forrest would call it a win.

In hindsight, it should have been his first warning sign that he cared so much of what Alex’s friends think of him. But in his defense, Alex was most at ease when he was with his friends, which meant he would always be sweet, adorable, sometimes sassy, sometimes soft, and had the unique sense of humor in a deadpan way, and Forrest was too busy being charmed to notice it.

So when his platoon buddies, Tony and Chris, came into town to visit him and he brought Alex to have a beer together, he was so caught off guard when Alex went to bathroom and Tony said:

“Man, you’re so gone on him, aren’t you.”

It wasn’t even a question.

Forrest spluttered, red faced, and said, eloquently: “uh, what?”

Tony and Chris changed a look, both amused. “You’ve been staring at him all night, Long. You look at him as if he hung the moon. You can’t seem to keep your hands to yourself, not to be PDA or something, but little touches, I think you didn’t even notice. He made a joke earlier, granted, it WAS hilarious, but the way you laughed, like you think he is the most funny guy in the whole world, which, no offense, is really not the case.”

Tony drank some water after his long ass bullshit, and Chris went in for a final blow. “So in conclusion, you’ve had it bad, dude, like, we’ve-never-seen-you-like-this level bad.”

Forrest was dumbstruck at that. He must’ve seemed like a dumbass too, because they decided to take pity on him, and changed the subject.

“Anyway, you know we’ve been relocated to the nearby base, Tobias and Leo are near enough too. The others all cashed in some long-overdue vacation days so we can have a little get together for our platoon in Santa Fe next month. You should come too.”

OK, that was exciting news. He missed his buddies and would be very happy to spend some time with them.

But Tony hesitated a little before continued: “There is a catch though. We thought it would be nice that we all bring our significant others, or even our children. So it would be a more family style setting. It may not be your thing.”

The thing was, it would totally be Forrest’s thing. He just didn’t know how to say it. With his platoon buddies, he always seemed like the free spirited lone wolf, easygoing, open and honest, but never the one to talk about family issues or kids problems with. But he would enjoy being surrounded by family love and loud but innocent kids, so he opened his mouth to just say that when he was interrupted by a light laugh.

“What are you guys talking about, family and kids and platoon buddies all under the same roof? It’s totally his thing.”

Forrest was startled, both by Alex’s sudden reappearance and his seemingly psychic ability to read his mind. When he remained silent a second too long, Alex apologized.

“Sorry, did I overstep? You actually don’t want to go or...?”

“No! I mean, yes, I wanna go. I just, something they said earlier, it was a lot to unpack. But you are right, I would love to go.” Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie.

Alex didn’t seem to buy it, but he was kind enough to drop it at the time.

On their drive home though, Alex picked it up again, as Alex would do, because he was a stubborn son of bitch like that.

“You wanna talk about what happened earlier?”

Forrest sighed. Best to just cut to the chase.

“Why did you say it was totally my thing? We didn’t often talk about family and kids, if any.”

Alex frowned, “No, we didn’t normally talk about that stuff. But it’s obvious you like family energy and friendly gatherings, isn’t it? Am I not supposed to know that?”

“But how? I served with my buddies for a long time, we trust each other with our lives. But almost none of them know it.”

“Forrest”, Alex smiled, “you like almost all of your family members, stay friends with a lot of them, despite some of them are real assholes. You even like hanging out with my friends and family too, not just because we are dating, but because you love being around people who give you warm family-like feelings. You organize every open mic night at the pony, and are genuinely interested in the acts and the people behind them, you like to talk to them about their lives and their relationships. You volunteer at the youth shelter. You are, simply put, a people person. You like people, you see good in them, you want to be around them and be a positive influence for them. You don’t necessarily tolerate stupid bigots, and you would be the first to call out their cowardice, but if they are willing to change and be better, you would want to believe in them too.”

He exhaled, oblivious of Forrest’s stunned expression, and continued.

“For a man who has that big a heart, I’d imagine spending some time with his buddies and their families would totally be his thing, don’t you agree?”

“Yeah, but...”

“And there’s also your poetry.”

Forrest was getting whiplash tonight, he could hardly keep up.

“My poetry?”

“Yeah, you gave me your emo poetry journal the other day and asked for my opinion?”

“I remember that. In fact, I remember it was a week ago and I still haven’t got any feedback yet.” If he was being honest, he would say he had been a little hurt by that too.

Alex’s face turned a shade pink. “I know I was being a little slow. But I just want to do them justice, you know? I’ve been reading each of them multiple times, so I can get the gist right.”

OK, hurt instantly healed. He really should be concerned how Alex’s words could so easily affect his mood.

“Anyway, the poems you wrote, they are all very pro-humanity, at least in my opinion. Like, the themes vary, some about personal journeys, some about lost love, some about struggling life, some about anger and pain. But the words have something like warmth attached to them, like despite all, there’s hope, and there’s good, in people, in humanity, in the whole world.”

He looked down at his hands then, voice quiet.

“And that’s the thing I like most about you.”

Shit.

“Shit”, It was definitely too soon, but Forrest just can’t not say it. “I think I might be falling for you.”

Alex looked at him right then, hesitated then determined: “I don’t think I’m there yet. But I think I could see myself heading down that road someday.”

He added in a more unsure voice: “Is that OK?”

Forrest reached out, squeezed his hand, and reassured him: “It’s OK”.

And it really was.

[inthewild-flowers]

fic masterlist!

This is a masterlist of all my fics. Most of them can be found on AO3, although there is a Tumblr Drabble section at the end.

I’ll be updating this every time I post a new fic/finish posting a multi chapter fic. Enjoy!

Oneshots

Weak In The Knees

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Word Count: 575

Summary: Kind of just a whole lot of Wolfstar fluff. There's dancing involved.

Other: Maybe a muggle au?? I’m not entirely sure tbh, pretty cute if I do say so myself, the title comes from the Serena Ryder song weak in the knees.

Bright Yellow Ducks

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): James Potter/Lily Evans, background Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Word Count: 2114

Summary: Lily works at a corner store, and one day the Marauders walk in on a quest for ice cream.

Other: Muggle au, I’m pretty sure it was based on a post I saw but I wrote it a few years ago so I’m honestly not sure

Earth Angel

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Word Count: 674

Summary: I love fics where Remus is just an absolute angel, so here’s my version of that. Sirius has a crush on the cute guy who works at the bakery in his neighbourhood and finally get a chance to talk to him.

Other: Remus works at a bakery au, I wrote this after reading The London Underground Book Of Love by Children_of_the_Shadows on AO3 (absolutely would recommend, it’s amazing) and it’s probably one of my favourite fics I’ve written, the title is from the song Earth Angel by The Penguins

Gilderoy Lockhart Is A Dick (But His Dickery Has Some Interesting Consequences)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, background James Potter/Lily Evans

Word Count: 2699

Summary: When Remus finds out Gilderoy is cheating on him, the next thing he has to do is find out who he's cheating with. And if that person happens to be Sirius Black, well, Remus is okay with that. Based off of the joke me and my sister have about Legend of Korra: both of Mako's girlfriends leave him for each other.

Other: Muggle au, funny, crack fic, way more sex jokes than I usually write but it fits with the whole vibe of this fic

Text Me

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Word Count: 566

Summary: Written for girlwithacrown’s finish this fic challenge. My take on the second half of “Remus is a bookstore owner and Sirius comes in looking for a book during coronavirus lockdown” (might wanna read her first half tho lol).

Other: Here is @girlwithacrown ‘s first half of the fic, and here is her collection with the other fics that people wrote for their own versions of the second half!

Padfoot Won’t Leave

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Word Count: 2453

Summary: At the end of Harry's third year, Remus and Sirius have a plan to get Harry away from the Dursleys.

Other: crack fic, I tried my best to make it funny, someone sent a post to the wolf star games 2020 discord that said that there aren't enough “Sirius makes himself at home at the Dursley’s house because there’s nothing they can do to make him leave” fics and then we as a group decided to fix that. Here’s the collection of fics we wrote for it! :)

Rooftop Ramblings

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Aziraphale/Crowley

Word Count: 526

Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley share a cigarette on a rooftop, and wish that things could be different.

Other: pining, the whole plot is literally just pining, written for a dtiys based on this art by @whiteleyfoster

yoga (sirius’s way)

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus/Sirius

Word Count: 1043

Summary: Remus decides to start doing yoga to get some exercise during quarantine, and naturally, Sirius wants to try as well.

Other: Quarantine fic!!, domestic fluff, inspired by this art by @gaeilgelupin

two bros, going on a brocation, five feet apart cause they’re not gay

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus/Sirius

Word Count: 1927

Summary: In which Sirius takes Remus on a surprise Christmas vacation

Other: Christmas fic!!, so much fluff, :))

🎶 Remus is a swearwolf 🎶

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Ship(s): Remus/Sirius, James/Lily/Regulus

Word Count: 2694

Summary: Regulus sighed. “Come on, Sirius, let’s get you off this thing and then you’ll feel better.” They pried Sirius’s hands off the bar and helped him out of the rollercoaster, where he stood for a moment on shaky legs, clutching Regulus’s arm.“I’m going to get some mint chocolate,” he declared once his legs had regained some of their strength, “and then we’re going to the haunted house and I’m getting my revenge.”

Other: A sequel to ice ice baby by @pan-and-ready-to-stan, 90% banter, a LOT of swearing, fluff

would it kill you if we kissed

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Ship(s): Remus/Sirius

Word Count: 1741

Summary: Sirius leaned his head against the window and let his eyes flutter shut. Maybe if he slept, some of the horrible things would go away. Maybe if he slept, he would wake up to find that he was just on a normal road trip with one of his best friends. Maybe if he slept, he could forget the reason he was here at all.

Other: hurt/comfort, and also getting together!! bc I love get together fics :)

(i thought) i knew you 

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Ship(s): Remus/Sirius

Word Count: 1432

Summary: Sometimes Sirius thinks that he might be okay. That maybe he’ll make it through this. He’s broken up with people before, hasn’t he? He’s been heartbroken before, and he’s always made it through. He’s survived so many things in his life that it seems silly that this would be the thing to break him.

Other: oh boy is there angst, that’s it that’s the fic just angst, there is a hopeful ending though??, there’s some super vague sort of references to self harm but it doesn’t like. happen

Got It

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Ship(s): Remus/Sirius

Word Count: 2859

Summary: Remus pushed down the butterflies in his stomach and accepted the vape when Sirius offered it, inhaling deeply and pointedly not thinking about how Sirius’s lips had been there just moments before. This was the closest Remus would ever get to kissing him. No, he told himself sternly, don’t think about that. It didn’t work. It never did.

Other: texting, fluff fluff fluffity fluff, getting together, written for marauders pride fanzine

in a cottage on a cliffside

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Word Count: 2865

Summary: “Are you cold?” Remus asked. “I’ve got another blanket somewhere…” he trailed off, looking at Sirius expectantly. Sirius shook his head.

“I’m fine.” he smiled again, then took another sip of his tea. He made the same face as before. It was adorable.

“Why are you here?” Remus asked. Sirius blinked at him.

“I wanted to see you.

Other: this was a birthday present for a friend, its fluff and a bit of pining and just generally soft :)) also a get together fic

The Year Remus Lupin Made Friends

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Word Count: 3546

Summary: James was sixteen years old, and it was summertime. Sirius and Pete were staying with him, Pete for a week, Sirius for the whole summer and hopefully every holiday after it too. James wanted to play quidditch, but the risk of being seen by muggles was too high, and his parents wouldn’t allow it. James was also very stubborn. His parents should have known to keep a closer eye on the boys, but some things can’t be helped. Here is what happened:

Other: written for a discord server secret santa. very marauders friendship focused, but also wolfstar at the end :))

In the dark and in the dusty sunlight

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Word Count: 1099

Summary: “I thought we were past such formalities, Lord Lupin.”“Indeed we are, Sirius, but it did feel right in the moment. You know,” Remus gave him an appraising look, and Sirius shivered, “you look rather like a painting, lying there like that.”“My dear Remus, we know very well that I am a work of art.”Remus laughed. “Yes, that has been well established.” He took off his hat and placed it on a table, then crossed over to the windows. “May I?” he asked, gesturing to the curtains.

yall its gay historical pining thats it thats the summary

Other: its just,,,, a period drama. thats it. I wrote a scene from a period drama just for the pining.

Multi Chapter Fics

Love At First Hot Chocolate

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, background James Potter/Lily Evans

Chapter/Word Count: 5 chapters, 5069 words

Summary: 18 year old Remus Lupin works at Starbucks. He hates it. He hates that he has to talk to people and be nice. He hates making coffee (although he doesn't mind the hot chocolate). But one day, Sirius Black walks in. For Remus, it's love at first sight. But does Sirius feel the same way?

Other: Muggle au, sort of a coffeeshop au in that they meet at a coffeeshop but otherwise it’s not it there much, fluff, might have been inspired by a post I saw a few years ago about Remus working at a coffeeshop and always getting Sirius’s name wrong?? But again, I wrote this a few years ago and don’t really remember lol

I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, James Potter/Lily Evans

Chapter/Word count: 2 chapters, 1431 words

Summary: James is getting married, and Sirius worries that he won't get to see his best friend anymore. One night, he vents his feelings to a cute stranger at a pub, who happens to be in a similar situation.

Other: Muggle au, title from the Tom Waits song I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You

If You Want To Buy Me Flowers

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Chapter/Word Count: 3 chapters, 1499 words

Summary: Remus owns a flower shop. Sirius is breaking up with his boyfriend using flower language.

Other: Muggle au, Remus is a florist au, inspired by a post I saw about flower meanings, title from the song Two Princes by Spin Doctor

Don’t Shoot The Messenger

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, James Potter/Lily Evans, Alice (I don’t know her last name)/Frank Longbottom

Chapter/Word Count: 16 chapters, 13,192 words

Summary: Ever since his first year at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin has been exchanging messages with someone on a bathroom stall. Neither of them know who the other one is, and now that they're graduating soon, they want to find out.

Other: Muggle au, modern au, Remus isn't part of the Marauders au, a bit of texting

Love Through The Ages

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, some vague background James Potter/Lily Evans

Chapter/Word Count: 4 chapters, 2213 words

Summary: Remus finds a love letter that Sirius wrote to him two centuries previously and never sent.

Other: They’re vampires au, I guess technically muggle au??, fluff, love letters, confessions, inspired by this post by @kayvsworld

“No, Sirius, tying the stems of flowers together will NOT make a flower crown”

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Chapter/Word Count: 4/4 chapters, 4247 words

Summary: In which Sirius can’t make a flower crown, Remus thinks Sirius might be flirting, and James has no clue what’s going on.

Other: so much fluff, oblivious James, inspired by this art that I love a lot by @girlwithacrown

Hogwarts, 1993

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences (this may change, I don’t have the fic planned out at all, so it could end up with a G rating, but I’ve rated it T just to be safe)

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Chapter/Word Count: 7/? chapters, 7248 words as of October 4 2020

Summary: When Sirius escapes Azkaban and goes to Hogwarts, instead of lurking around as the Grim like a FOOL, he decides to seek help from an old friend.

Other: I don't have any warnings for this one yet, but I’ll put them in if necessary. I’ll be posting the chapters as I write them, and I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t take too long.

the doc was called halloween babeyy

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, James Potter/Lily Evans

Chapter/Word Count: 6 chapters, 1240 words

Summary: a self indulgent halloween fic with pumpkin shenanigans, meet cutes, and texting. 

“They’re battle scars,” Remus repeated. “And you can’t call him just ‘pumpkin’ anymore, his official title is the PumpKing and he requires it to be used at all times.” Remus finished carving out the last scar, and picked up the sharpie to draw the outline of a crown near the top of the pumpkin. One he was satisfied, he picked up his knife and started cutting along the lines.“In that case,” James said, “Mine’s the PumPeasant and he looks like this because of a childhood disease.”

Other: ‘tis all fluff :))

a very (in)effective seduction

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Chapter/Word Count: 10/? chapters, 9557 words

Summary: In which Sirius decides that it's time to seduce Moony. Yes, he has a list

Other: written for girlwithacrown and kidovna’s blissember chirstmas prompts! get together, fluff, etc.

Note: I will finish this eventually, but I was struggling a lot with writing it, so it may take some time. I do have it sort of planned out, and once I have the motivation to write it again it shouldn’t take too long to finish :))

dreaming of you

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, Dorcas Meadowes/Marlene McKinnon

Chapter/Word Count: 6/? chapters, 4932 words

Summary:

 french bitch: I have arrived

french bitch: paris has gained a resident and he is magnificent

sweet sweet moony: paris is usually referred to as she

french bitch: HOW DARE

Jimmy: he does have a point tho

or: Sirius is in france on his study abroad year, remus is pining, and James and Peter are enjoying the chaos

Other: texting, fluff, theres eventually gonna be wolfstar and dorlene and either jily or jegulily I haven’t decided yet

You Hold The Key To My Heart

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, James Potter/Lily Evans/Regulus Black

Chapter/Word Count: 38 chapters, 26 049 words

Summary: Sirius threw himself on his bed, not caring about how he must be wrinkling his clothes. In fact, he relished the idea. At least his parents would have a reason to be angry with him today. He stayed there, thinking about soft curls and a sweet face that he barely caught a glimpse of, until the sun was shining directly through his window and James arrived to help him dress for dinner.

Or, a victorian au in which Remus is a gardener, Sirius is a dramatic rich kid, and they fall in love.

Other: I wrote this for the 2020 wolfstar games. it’s mainly fluff, but I also got to indulge my love of historical things which was amazing :D

Series

Dan’s cute & short wolfstar fics with no plot that make them happy to write :)

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Number of works: 4

Complete: No

Works in the series:

Goodnight Moony - Remus doesn’t want to go to bed. Sirius thinks Remus should go to bed. 201 words.

Snow - It’s literally just Remus and Sirius enjoying the snow, that’s it, that’s the fic, please enjoy. 124 words.

I Just Called To Say I love You - Sirius calls Remus the night before a big exam. 174 words.

Lupin Can’t Sing - Please read the title to the tune of “lupin can’t sing, lupin can’t sing, lupin cannot sing!” from AVPS. Remus is drunk and trying really really hard at karaoke. 409 words.

Ruby Tuesday - Remus and Sirius cuddle and listen to Ruby Tuesday. It's very cute, if I do say so myself. 259 words.

HP Pride Month 2020!!

Rating: General Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, Lily Evans/James Potter

Number of works: 4

Complete: Yes

Other: All the fics in this series were written for @girlwithacrown ‘s HP pride month prompts, and you can find other fics written for those prompts in her collection on AO3!

Works in the series:

Coming Out - Remus and Sirius decide to tell their friends they're dating. 1035 words.

Flag - Sirius and James make unique additions to their pride flags, and at the pride parade they see two other people with matching flags. 1126 words.

Family - Sirius runs away from home. 898 words.

Healing - Remus's dog gets hurt, and the vet is way hotter than Remus was prepared for. Sirius may or may not have Ted from Schitt's Creek vibes. It was mostly unintentional. 1012 words.

Working Title: Summertime

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Ship(s): Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, James Potter/Lily Evans

Number of Works: 2

Complete: No

Works in the series:

Forgiveness & Friendship - The summer after sixth year (and The Prank, you know which one. The one with Snape. And Remus.), Sirius shows up on James's doorstep. 13 chapters, 4437 words

Mischief & Matchmaking - The marauders (+ Lily) are spending a few weeks at James’s house, and oh boy is there a lot of sexual tension there. Peter decides to do something about it. Featuring: shenanigans and three separate tropes cause why not. 17/17 chapters and 6772 words.

dan?? writing angst?? it’s more likely than you’d think

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Number of Works: 3

Complete: No

Works in the series:

stardust is easily lost - He kisses him because he loves him, because loving Sirius is a habit he’s never been able to break, not in school when he thought loving Sirius would kill him, and not now when he thinks that Sirius might kill them all. It keeps him up at night sometimes.

cascade - Teaching at Hogwarts is equal parts wonderful and miserable. He loves his students, but some days he looks at them and he sees himself, happy and carefree, with his best friends at his side. Those days are the hardest.

the death of a star - And sometimes, Sirius almost seems like his old self again. Sometimes, his mischievous grin that Remus remembers all too well will appear on his face, and he’ll lean over and whisper a snide comment in Remus’s ear, and Remus will have to try to stifle a laugh.

Other: yall this is angst, there is major character death, its A Lot, theyre also down in the Tumblr drabbles section & their titles are all variations of “angst babeyyy”

dan is a) yearning and b) obsessed with dorlene and bookstores

Rating: General Audiences and Teen and Up Audiences

Ship(s): Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes

Number of Works: 3

Complete: No

Works in the series:

1. Walking In a Winter Wonderland – As they skated, Marlene couldn’t take her eyes off of Dorcas. She knew that they were holding a conversation somehow or other––about Dorcas’s job at the bookstore, she was fairly certain––but her brain was on autopilot as she watched the lights dance across Dorcas’s face, lighting up the night like miniature stars.

2. adventures pertaining to love actually (and also shrek) – The woman shook her head solemnly, but a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “You absolutely cannot.”They grinned at each other for a moment, then the woman’s eyes flicked up to the clock on the wall and she swore. “I’ve got to go. It was nice talking to you! And you’ll have to tell me what you think of that movie if you watch it!”“I will!” Dorcas called after her, and the woman waved as she hurried out the door.Well. She sure hoped that Love Actually was on Netflix. (note: this one is set before the first fic in the series)

3. it can't be hard to find a present right?? (wrong) – “What’cha got there?” Frank flopped into the chair beside Dorcas and took a sip of his coffee, eyeing the mess of yarn on her lap with curiosity.

“It’s not weird to make her a scarf, is it?”

“...to make who a scarf?”

“You know exactly who I’m talking about.”

Other: yeah im just being generally fluffy and self indulgent here, enjoy! :))

Tumblr Drabbles

“It’s three in the morning” - jegulus

“This is the opposite of what I told you to do!” - wolfstar

“Do you have a ride home?” - wolfstar

“Come cuddle” - wolfstar

“I am home” - dorlene

“I’m getting married? Since when were you choosing my future spouse?” - wolfstar

“Another bad date?” - jily

James and Remus being very very chaotic bros

24 hour diner au - wolfstar

they have the same favourite chair - wolfstar

Sirius loses Remus’s present (and James helps him look) – wolfstar

when she wears YOUR flannel shirt - dorlene

when you can’t choose just one snuggly blanket so you wrap up in all of them - the marauders

angst babeyyyyyyyyy - first war wolfstar

2 angst 2 babeyyyyyyyyy - poa wolfstar

angst babeyyyy 3.0 - ootp sorta wolfstar

high school/college minifest day 1: back to school - wolfstar

high school/college minifest day 2: detention - wolfstar

remus has whipped cream on his face and sirius canNOT handle it - wolfstar

hufflepuff remus who makes friends with the marauders - wolfstar

dorcas is hurt and marlene is taking care of her - dorlene

remus is a lil shit (back hugs prompt) - wolfstar

just friends booty shorts - James and sirius

night at the museum au - wolfstar and jily

[jawnjendes]

it’s always been you | shawn mendes

shawn x goth oc

forevermore 1/?

let me know if you want to be added to the taglist

PREVIOUS

masterlist | playlist (song added with every chapter)

One would be surprised to know the extent Annalise Flores would go to remain anonymous. She had a wig she wore specifically for work, and it wasn’t just to look professional. All of her social media is private, not that she surfs the web for leisure these days. Her own family doesn’t even know what she’s been up to these last few weeks. This is the life Annalise chose. Always reserved, always a mystery. She preferred it this way.

So when she got back together with her ex, it wasn’t exactly devastating to discover that she was not allowed to be seen with him in the public eye. Her ex-turned-current boyfriend is the world famous musician Shawn Mendes. They dated back in college prior to the fame, but that’s a different story. This is now.

Annalise was in between sessions at her Los Angeles counseling office, reviewing notes and waiting for the next client to arrive. It was a normal work day, she was at the halfway point, but not quite. It wasn’t lunchtime yet.

The phone rang, causing her to jump at the sound. She picked up and answered, hearing her assistant/secretary Mateo on the other line.

“Señora, tiene una entrega,” he said in a singsong voice.

“What did we say about señora?” she replied. “I feel old.”

He giggled. “So are you coming, or do I drink this coffee myself?”

Annalise perked up at the sound of coffee. “I’ll be right there.”

It’s not that it was a hot beverage. She never Postmated something she could simply go out and get herself. She smoothed out her black dress and went down the hallway, gazing at the waiting room on the way to the front desk, just in case anyone showed up early. That was a rare occurrence, what with the type of clientele she dealt with.

The delivery was exactly what Mateo had said, a cup of coffee from some obscure shop. The assistant was grinning excitedly, for this wasn’t the first time his employer had gotten a mystery drink with a note attached. Annalise knew he never read the notes she got, otherwise he would have flipped his shit long ago. Mateo wasn’t one to hide things like shock or excitement. He would learn though; He was still an intern.

Annalise took the cup and read the strip on the side of it. Decaf. Hvy cream. Sweetener. Yup, that’s the one. Then she opened the folded note that was tape to the cup.

See you tonight -Mr. M.

She hummed and slipped the note into her dress pocket. Looks like she has plans tonight.

“There’s also a man outside who wants to talk to you,” Mateo added. “He’s the one who brought the coffee.”

Annalise figured there would be more than just that silly little note. She went out the door and into the warm spring day, finding a familiar bald man sat on a nearby bench.

“Jake,” she greeted.

The man stood and smiled. “How you doing, Ann?”

“Good. Apparently I’m seeing him tonight? Has he lost his mind or something?”

“He says it’s important.”

“He and I have different definitions of the word important. But yeah, I’ll go. I assume you’ll be taking me again?” There was a bit of reluctance in her tone.

“That’s right. As soon as you’re done here.”

Anytime Annalise wanted to see her boyfriend, she couldn’t simply drive herself to his house whenever she pleased. The last time she saw Shawn was two months ago on Valentine’s Day, a day that he decided was important. Most days, they saw each other through FaceTime, Snapchat, text, even the coffee and notes became a regular form of communication.

It’s not like Annalise frequently keeps up with celebrity gossip, but she knew why it had to be this way, and honestly, she wasn’t mad about it. She had to sneak around with Shawn behind the scenes of his great big love story stunt, despite the fact that he wasn’t doing anything careerwise at the moment. It was more for the other person in this love story stunt than it was for him. Again, Annalise wasn’t mad about it.

Staying away from Shawn in public was fine, and that’s the truth. The world believed Shawn Mendes was dating Camila Cabello for the umpteenth time in his career. Well, some of the world believed that, and some was all that was needed. As long as Annalise didn’t get under that terrifying microscope, she was good.

~

Shawn was nervous for a multitude of reasons. The doorbell rang, and even though he checked the camera at the front door, he still felt knots in his stomach. He hasn’t seen this girl in a while. He was still surprised that she agreed to come all the way to sunny LA. This wasn’t her level of expertise, but she was experienced in law, so that was better than nothing. On top of that, Shawn didn’t trust anyone that was connected to Andrew, and most lawyers in this town seemed to know him. Shawn couldn’t risk any of this getting back to his team.

He answered the door to a petite woman with a jet black pixie cut. She had on dark sunglasses, and carried an umbrella. Ripped skinny jeans, a band t-shirt, and converse were her go-to. It was like she hadn’t changed clothes since the last time Shawn saw her. Dark as this girl looked, her greeting was like sunshine.

“Helloooo!” She dramatically threw her umbrella aside and opened her arms for a hug.

“Isabella,” Shawn greeted as he accepted her hug, minding the permanent chill of her body. “Thank you so much for coming.”

Oh, that’s okay,” she replied. She stepped inside the house and looked around the spacious area. “Damn, this ain’t no Canada. Also, how convenient that you live here and not your supposed home country.” She poked his chest with a grin.

Shawn chuckled. This girl genuinely did not believe Canada was a real place. “Tell you what, get me out of this contract, and I’ll send you on a vacation to Vancouver.”

Isabella took off her sunglasses, revealing red eyes. However she blinked a few times and they went back to brown.

“Who else is here?” she asked, placing her shoulder bag on the kitchen island. “I’m detecting Chanel Number Whatever.”

“Oh, that’s probably Camila,” Shawn replied, still thrown by how intuitive Isabella was. “She’s in the bathroom. And uh, Ann will be here soon.”

“Okay, so Camila’s the fake girlfriend, right?”

“Worse. They want us engaged.”

Isabella’s eyes widened. “We have a lot of work to do.”

Then, another voice sounded from the stairs. “Who’s here? I heard the doorbell ring.”

Shawn shared a look with Isabella. While she still looked human, there was that tiny shred of doubt. What if she had the words ‘vampire-witch’ tattooed on her forehead?

Finally, Camila entered the dining room/kitchen. She immediately spotted Isabella and went to introduce herself. Both girls were bubbly and enthusiastic, despite the serious circumstances. Shawn couldn’t help but feel a bit weird. He carried many secrets, but the biggest one had to be that he knew an actual vampire. That secret was just above the one about his relationship with Camila being a business arrangement. Could he really consider it a secret if his team was absolutely horrible at making that seem natural, and that the whole world figured it out years ago? Shawn and Camila were simply bound by contract.

That’s why Isabella Jayn Montgomery was hired.

Shawn checked the time on his phone. It was half past eight, Ann and Jake should be on their way. He shouldn’t have been so nervous about this. It’s not like Ann wouldn’t like the idea of not having to hide anymore… right?

~

“So you just decided that we were going to go public and not tell me?”

He didn’t really know what he was expecting. Not even five minutes had passed since Isabella, Camila, and Jake left, and Ann got right to it. She was polite through the whole discussion, listening to everything Isabella had to say, and asking questions every so often. But as it turns out, she had her own bone to pick.

Shawn was putting the empty water glasses in the kitchen sink, surprised by his girlfriend’s serious tone. “I thought that was something we wanted?”

“You wanted that,” Ann corrected, sitting at the island. “Look, if you want to stop fake dating Camila, that’s fine, I support that. If you wanna go back to making music for your fans and go back on tour, I support that too. Whatever you wanna do with your career is your decision. But when it comes to our relationship, I get a say too. And I don’t want my privacy taken away.”

“Well…” he trailed off, leaning against the counter. “Just because I get out of my contract doesn’t mean you and I have to go and make out in the middle of the street. It would just be more believable if we were seen out in public together. It would show mine and Camila’s teams that we’re not taking their shit anymore.”

Ann chuckled. “Yeah, I’m not here to be a pawn in a game of publicity chess.”

Shawn sighed and walked around the counter, holding his hands out to her. “They want me and Camila to be engaged, and then have a huge wedding covered by all the major media outlets. I don’t want my life playing out this way anymore.”

She kept her arms folded. “A fake wedding is where you draw the line? Really?”

“If I’m gonna have a wedding, it’s gonna be with you,” he told her.

That particular topic wasn’t new information. Shawn and Ann had talked about marriage in the past and when would be the right time. How their cultures and subcultures were going to come into play. How they would go about it with all this Shawmila nonsense. That’s why Ann remained serious.

“Weddings are clearly not a big deal if these business people are willing to just throw a fake one together. I’m sure your fake girlfriend will look beautiful in a stupid white gown.” She rolled her eyes.

“I wanna see my real girlfriend in a stupid black gown,” Shawn corrected.

 Ann cracked a small grin, but it faded quickly. She sucked in a breath as her face contorted.

“What? What is it?” Shawn asked, concern quickly replacing the building frustration.

She breathed out. “Nothing, just cramps.”

“Stomach cramps? Nausea? What did you eat?”

“Period cramps. I don’t get any of that often but when I do…”

You’re moody as hell and question everything I do, Shawn thought. Only a second later, guilt formed in his chest.

NEXT

_______

goth gf taglist @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @strangerliaa @kitykatnumber @mendesromano @iloveshawnieboi @goldenmndes @parkeraul @someoneunimportantxx @shawnvvmendes @calyumthomas @softmendesss @wronglanemendes @theprivatewritings @peruvian-bae

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 2nd Season Ep12: “You Cried For Me”

It shouldn’t really be a surprise, since I always enjoyed this bit of the manga, and they fixed the weird pacing issues it had, but this was a pretty much perfect episode, lol.

Thoughts under the cut.

So this episode went back and adapted chapters 56 and 57, which in the manga happened near the beginning of the beach arc, but still more or less in the middle of it. I’ve said it before, but the pacing of that was super weird in the manga, and it didn’t flow well at all, so it really worked out nicely that they just moved this episode to the end of the summer vacation period, after the beach arc had wrapped up.

One of the main reasons why I’ve always liked this part of the manga is because it’s one of the big examples of an arc where the main trio aren’t involved at all, and the focus is just on supporting characters. There’s been lots of backstory episodes and whatnot that have shifted the focus away from the main characters, but usually they’re still at least somewhat involved in them. But this part is entirely about the adult generation of characters, and it’s nice to see the story branch out like this.

It’s also a follow-up to the whole Hatori backstory episode from early on, which was already another one of my favourite parts of the story, and this episode just takes it a step further and adds extra levels of complexity and nuance to all those events, as we see things from a perspective outside of Hatori and Kana’s relationship.

We also get to see even more examples of Shigure being manipulative and a bit of a creep, especially when he was a bit younger, which is always fun. You can definitely interpret his matchmaking with Mayu and Hatori as being about him still having some genuine feelings and sympathy for Mayu from when they were dating, but in the long run, him getting the two of them together is the sort of thing that helps advance his goals, so he’s still being kinda selfish about it.

This episode also really hammers in how depressing it is that Hatori’s basically conditioned to be so quiet and subservient to Akito, and how repressed he is in general. Which is why the big emotional climax of the episode was Mayu bursting into tears because of how bad she feels for him. Which was also a scene that hit way harder than I expected it to, mainly due to the voice acting, and the overall tone of how quiet and down to earth the episode had been up to then. Like Hatori says, the ability to openly express his emotions is something that he’s basically had to repress, as much as he wants to be able to. And just to further the point, we got that whole scene of the head maid lady chewing him out for not always being by Akito’s side, and her talking about how shameful it was for that one kid in the family estate to cry about something.

Even though this is pretty much the entirety we see of them in the manga from what I remember, I think that Hatori and Mayu are one of my favourite couples in the series, at least in terms of the ‘side ships’, so to say. It’s short, but I always appreciated this deep dive into their whole relationship, and I think it feels very natural that it plays out the way it does, and that they end up getting together afterward.

I think anime-only fans will also have fun going back to season 1 after this and seeing the handful of hints we’d already gotten about Mayu’s connection to Hatori. It’s one of the really neat bits of foreshadowing in the story.

I don’t think we really see her and Hatori together again in the manga, we should be getting the parent teacher conference part in a few episodes, so that’ll be fun, since i also really like Mayu and Shigure’s whole dynamic of being exes with a whole lot of tension between them.

Also, I wanna point out that the overall direction and tone of this episode was extremely good. There wasn’t a whole lot of fluid or dynamic animation or anything, but the backgrounds, shot composition, colour palettes, soundtrack, etc, were really good. But this series has always been really good at that sort of thing, lol. I just think they did a good job of making this really feel like an episode about adults dealing with adult problems, and the Shiraki bookstore in particular was depicted really well.

We also didn’t get an OP this week, which I think was a good idea since it gave them more time for the story, and honestly it would have been a bit jarring since it wouldn’t have fit the tone of the episode, and the main characters aren’t even really in this episode. We should be switching over to the new OP/ED in episode 14, so I wonder if we’ll see the OP again next week, or if they’ll skip it again.

And on that note we should be getting some kind of announcement about what the new OP and ED will be soon. Assuming that the second cour airs right after this one as planned, I guess. That’s still technically up in the air, but I’d be a bit surprised if the series just now started to see delays due to the pandemic. I guess if we get a delay, they’d also announce that soon.

Anyway, it looks like the next episode is going to at least adapt chapter 66, since that’s definitely Kakeru talking in the next episode title preview. I’m excited to see how the two new student council members are like in the anime [and I’m just excited to see Kakeru and Machi finally re-enter the story lol], but we’ll get to that next week.

[aonrivers]

Pregnancy, Birth, Postpartum, and Baby Time! (TMI warning) - Part 01

Recently I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. For nine months I read articles and expectations of things to happen and to come, but honestly nothing prepared me for the truth of it all. Sure my friends told me some stuff, but nothing like what I experienced.

I’ve decided to write the nitty gritty of it all along with tips for new moms that I wish I had too. This is going to be major TMI, but when you've given birth, nothing seems like TMI anymore - especially because in the labor room you've got about ten people you've never met before (yes, even your doctor) staring at your asshole and your crotch. With introductions out of the way, are you ready? Here we go!

Part 1 of IDK how many...

Truths about being pregnant:

1) First and foremost... Officially remove negative people in your life the moment that stick says positive. This is Tip #1. I planned on doing this for months before I got pregnant but being pregnant pushed me to do it sooner. I was tired of being stressed out and having negative things told me by certain people in my life and I wasn't going to have it continue during one of the most stressful and most beautiful times of my life. I closed the door on many friendships during my first few weeks and even though it still bugs me that I had to do it, I'm glad I did and recommend others to do the same (even when you aren't pregnant). 2) Tip #2 I can offer is either before or during your pregnancy, plan a vacation. I was on vacation when I got pregnant and planned a trip with my best friend when I hit mid third trimester (would've been sooner but 2020 was a hellish year for the world). 3) I bought a belly book after a few weeks of finding out I was pregnant. My friend recommended it and it was really cool to document every week and my thoughts and post my belly bump pictures, but then second trimester hit and the book was wrong... I ignored it until the third trimester hit and it was wrong again. What was wrong with it? They claimed my trimesters started in certain weeks that were 2-3 weeks off. I Googled my trimesters and checked multiple sites - the book was wrong. So I finally said screw it and created my own. I bought a scrapbook (use a Michael's coupon, that shit is expensive) and I began to craft my own book. 4) A huge suggestion: take those belly bump pictures!! It sounds silly but it's super cool to have. Not only do you get to see your belly growing, but you can put those pictures in your scrapbook like I did. I took the same pose in the same place every Friday. Then I found a really cool app that you could put words on your images and ended up doing that for my Instagram posts. 5) My 3rd tip is make sure you have a really good relationship with your doctor and they believe in the same things you do. I think this is important because I wasn't happy with the thought of being pregnant with my normal doctor then I ended up not being happy half the time with the doctors I went to while pregnant. I wish I had that doctor patient relationship you think every pregnant lady has. I kind of had that with my crazy, beady-eyed doctor I had seen for thirteen years, but when it came time to have a child, she just didn't align with me. She was pro everything I'm not and became a little too radical for me. Be who you wanna be, believe and think what you wanna believe and think, but don't push that shit on me - and that's the direction she started going. So in the end, I left her and went with my friend's doctor... Who happened to have 5+ doctors and a midwife.... Midwife was cool and maybe two of the doctors, but the rest I wasn't a fan of. I didn't even know the doctor who I gave birth with and it was very impersonal with the doctors I saw during the checkups. For example: one doctor would come in, glance at me, talk to me while staring at the computer screen, then leave. I also didn't get ultrasounds done with them, only heartbeat checks. It just wasn't a journey with them like I thought it would be and should've had. Now speaking of those sweet black and white first photos... 6) Sonograms are beautiful things to have. I got a nice picture frame for my second trimester image and have it on my dresser with a cute doll and my childhood music box. Treasure these little pictures. Take pictures of them to keep and reprint because the ink will fade on the ones the tech gives you, but for the love of God, hide your personal information when you post them. Sonograms say your name and birthdate, along with where you got the picture taken then more information on your child. It irks me to no end when people post this online. Especially on Twitter, which is a public forum. Shit. I didn't even post that on my private Instagram. 7) Next Tip: Call insurance to confirm multiple things, such as: what's covered during pregnancy/hospital stay/postpartum, if the hospital is covered, and if your Pediatrician is in network. Just because the office says "yes we take Aetna/UHC" doesn't mean they're in network. 8) Something that I will be telling everyone I know who is pregnant (which honestly isn't many) is scourge the internet for those pregnancy sites. Most sites and stores offer sample boxes. If you start a registry, they send you one too. Try: Amazon, Babylist, BuyBuyBaby, Walmart, Target... The list goes on. Check What To Expect's website for a list of all the sample box sites. I got about ten boxes that all had great stuff inside: bottles, pacifiers, breast milk pouches, diapers, lotion/shampoo samples, wipes, pads, and a few other smaller things. I honestly haven't used any of it, but plan to soon. 9) A great tip my friend told me was to go on those breast pump sites and check to see if your insurance is covered. My insurance ended up covering up to $300 for a breast pump. Of course I went with a $300 breast pump and paid an extra $30 out of pocket to have a few more parts included in my purchase. It was a great idea and is highly recommended for new moms to take advantage of! (I went with Spectra for a few reasons... It's definitely quieter than the Medela pump (the hospital had this one), and there's a nifty nightlight on the pump handle with two settings. It's super useful and I actually use the nightlight feature every night...) 10) Another great tip is to make that baby registry and share it!! People you don't expect will buy stuff. I used Amazon and got a bunch of perks. After my shower, I bought the rest of my stuff with the discounts Amazon offers. It was 2 bulk orders where both had 15% off entire order. I also get discounts on diapers for a year or, I think, the equivalent of $600 spent. Both perks were extremely helpful. 11) FYI, pregnancy is ten months, not nine. They tell you this in articles on The Bump and What To Expect, but I figured I'd say it anyways. 12) You won't miss your period during this time. I sure don't. 21 years so far is long enough for me. 13) The nausea is real and it sucks. It gets to the point where you don't wanna try for baby number two because you're just so over it after being sick for three months straight. 14) Nausea doesn't mean you're hanging over the toilet bowl throwing up the only food that doesn't make you sick. You can just have that knot in your throat all day that's teasing you about having to throw up. Not fun. 15) Being tired is also real and I have no idea how working moms-to-be do it. I work from home, so taking power naps was easy to do. Most of the time, I couldn't keep my eyes open. And it took about three months to find out why... (see next number) 16) YOU'RE NOT ONLY GROWING A HUMAN INSIDE YOU BUT A FREAKING ORGAN TOO!! That's right folks. The placenta isn't just chilling inside you waiting for the day you get pregnant. It's growing right alongside your little baby, taking your nutrients and energy so it can form and power up your little embryo/fetus. 17) If you're a vivid dreamer like me, the dreams are definitely weird. They tell you this, but for me, my dream self becomes pregnant too. I literally went through my dreamworlds pregnant. 18) Boobs hurting is an understatement. My boobs hurt so badly from the hormones and getting ready for milk that I didn't even wanna touch them when I was showering. 19) Your boobs become hideous. I have small breast - a nearly A has been my measurement in the past, but becoming pregnant, I became a large B - probably going into a small C cup. And not only did the boob itself get bigger and veinier, but the nipples got bigger and darker (confirmed by my friends, doctor, and websites that women experience this change). I honestly don't recognize my boobs anymore. I also don't even know why I wanted bigger boobs growing up. They suck. It's not the backaches (I didn't have any while pregnant, surprisingly), it's the fact that when you sleep on your side, that boob gets crushed and goes numb. 20) Boobs leak as they start forming that first collection of milk aka colostrum. So be aware. Being braless is great but those milk stains aren't cute. And it's not like a normal wet spot either where your nipples are. It's a wet stain with a milky ring around it making it totally unattractive. 21) Your nipples will become numb aka no stimulation. At least for me. My nipples are still numb but I guess it goes without saying why (think about it). 22) On websites, they will tell you that your cervix swells and some women enjoy sex more with their new closed off vagina, but not for me. It hurt to do anything down there. My husband and I had one position available and when the bump got bigger, we became celibate. And boy does the guilt take over... So expect this to happen - you're not alone if it does. 23) Your sex drive may be gone. As I said above, I swelled up down there and it was very painful having sex. With that, the sex drive was killed. My poor hubby suffered through these nine months and continued to suffer after birth because- well I'll get to why suffering continues after birth later. 24) Craving food may not happen for you. I didn't crave anything unusual. The only thing I ate on a daily basis were two English muffins with butter. On weekly basis I had three scrambled eggs on those two English muffins. This occurred maybe 2-3 times a week. Other than that, my "cravings" were the same. I wanted Taco Bell and all the other normal stuff I ate when not pregnant. 25) Paranoia for what you're eating will definitely hit you. Guilt will too. Paranoia because you're checking Google to see if you were allowed to eat that pasta with garlic sauce; and guilt because you're eating crappy junk food and feel like you're depriving your baby of nutrients. But like my friend told me, your body provides the baby what it needs and to stop being paranoid. Also those prenatals pack a punch in vitamins. 26) This isn't really nitty gritty or a tip... it's just something I personally did while pregnant and that was - I stayed away from the foods they tell you to like the high mercury fish and cold cuts, but I ate hot dogs and medium cooked beef. But those meats were cooked 170°+ which they recommend if you wanna eat your normal foods. You can also eat cold cuts but it's highly recommended they're warmed up. These meats contain listeria which is something we can defeat by ourselves but our little babies in the womb have difficulty in doing. Another thing I did in regards to food was I stayed away from foods I was allowed to eat but made me sick when I wasn't pregnant. I just didn't want to deal with the sickness. 27) Sleep however tf you want to sleep and that's exactly what I did. Sleeping on my side is not something I do when not pregnant and certainly didn't happen while pregnant. That is, not until the last month or two. I'll elaborate... I'm a back sleeper. I slept on my back and felt my baby every night tucking into one side of my belly because it was comfortable for her. It wasn't until those last months where the weight of my baby was actually pushing on my spine and yes you can feel it. It's a heavy pain that forces you to side sleep. 28) Those pregnancy pillows are shit. Seriously. They're bulky and annoying. My friend bought me a super nice one that went under the head, down the back, and cupped between the legs and I used it for five minutes. I'll find use for it one of these days - maybe gift it to my friend who is due in April - but right now it's just taking up space downstairs. I tried the slanted pillow for my belly. That lasted a month. What did it for me was that silly "As Seen On TV" pillow. It's that white, guitar pick looking pillow you shove between your knees to keep your legs leveled and your spine straight. That's literally the only pillow that helped me when my belly got huge. My bed worked out in my favor cupping my bump. 29) Being pregnant in the summer isn't that bad. Granted I had AC/Central Air the entire time. But seriously... You know why it also wasn't so bad? I could wear tank tops and dresses. Those were my maternity clothes. I bought maternity leggings for $4 when Kohl's had them on sale. They sucked. The belly piece went over the belly nicely, but the back road my back fat in a very uncomfortable way (and I don't really have back fat). Also, flip flops were my Godsend. When my feet swelled, flip flops were all I wore. Can't do that in the colder months! 30) I basically became a heater. Probably because I gained 4lbs of blood and water and a baby and whatever else was going on in my body. I normally sleep with a fleece blanket and a comforter; even in the summer. I could only use my fleece blanket while pregnant. I was surprisingly warm enough. Which leads me to the next sleeping factor... 31) Sleeping naked was a must. Here's why... Besides being hot all the time, waistbands hurt me and shirts bugged the crap outta my body. 32) Being commando all the time was a must. It was super nice being commando. I didn't have to worry about a period making a grand entrance and the waistband and around my thighs weren't hurting. 33) A nice buying tip: the baby grows super fast. And if your baby is born in the fall or winter, chances are the stores only have summer clothes. So make sure you get those larger outfits for the months to come! 34) Ask for larger clothes for that baby shower. It'll help down the road. 35) Shaving stops when you can no longer see down there and when you can no longer bend comfortably to shave your legs. Of course that didn't stop me before I went to the hospital. I cleaned up the best I could from the belly button down, but still managed to miss that one spot on my damn kneecap! 36) Back to baby... Flutters start being felt really early. Feels like gas but it's the baby. They say 16 weeks but I was feeling the flutters at 12 weeks. After the flutters came the kicks and jabs, and the constant wondering if I had a mini Mike Tyson in my belly. Especially when my belly would convulse like she was using my organs as a punching bag. I came across only one random article that explained what that was... Hiccups. Yes, the baby gets hiccups in utero and if your baby is like mine, the damn things continue outside the womb annoying your little bundle of joy like your own hiccups annoy you. 37) Sometimes you'll panic when you don't feel the baby moving much. Babies in the womb still need sleep I was told. If you get no movement at all within 24 hours no matter what you do then definitely call your doctor. (Your doctor should tell you this during a visit.) 38) I was told this: babies hear you and mostly everything around you outside the womb. This is true. My baby would move from her comfy right side to the left just to get closer to where my husband was talking to her. 39) Third trimester is when everything starts getting real, possibly painful, and definitely the feeling of "I'm over this". They mention this on those websites and they're not joking. 40) Every night I popped two tums just to keep the acid reflux down and the heartburn away. They say major heartburn means you've got a hairy baby and they weren't kidding (more on this later). 41) Waddling actually does occur. At first I felt like I was just doing it because I'm pregnant and subconsciously I'm making fun of pregnant ladies you see in movies. But you really do waddle and wonder if your walk will ever be the same again. (Spoiler: it does.) 42) My feet and legs swelled by my 8th month. They were slowly swelling into the third trimester but it was super noticeable towards the end. But I also ran into a health issue which I'll get to later... The swelling actually hurts. It feels like you're walking on water bags and on top of that, the bottom of your feet feel like you walked all of Disney World nonstop for a week straight. Do yourself a favor and put your feet up and rest. I hardly did this. I just had so much stuff I wanted to get done and I don't like asking for help, so I did everything myself until it got to the point where my husband or mother-in-law were yelling at me. 43) Getting a cold while pregnant sucks. Coughing and blowing your nose is kind of hard because you start to worry that your upsetting your baby. Plus, now you gotta think about medicine. What's safe and should you even bother... Luckily your doctor gives a list of safe medications. 44) Swelling in the feet could be something completely different than just the normal "things to expect in your third trimester" so be aware and prepared for problems that can arise that you weren't expecting. Like what happened to me. Even though those monthly appointments turned weekly get annoying, especially when you gotta drive thirty minutes to your appointments, they're not pointless. In week 38 I had protein in my urine and my blood pressure was high. The protein was not a UTI like what I got when I conceived back in December. That protein was a glimpse into something pretty scary if not caught early during pregnancy. It's called pre-eclampsia. Luckily I was two weeks out from my due date so inducing me wasn't too big of an issue. My baby was fully grown. Only way to get rid of pre-eclampsia is to remove the placenta - hence the early birth of my baby. But some mom's aren't this lucky and lemme tell you something. This was something that was never brought up to me during my doctor visits or on the websites I visited. They don't tell you that pre-eclampsia can happen at any point or that it could come back, and possibly worse, in your next pregnancies until you've been tested positive for it. I was in the hospital for five days after giving birth. My kidneys, heart, and platelets were all affected. Thank God I'm cleared now, but knowing about this ahead of time would've been nice. I could've looked for signs which were massive swelling in legs and feet (luckily I had no headaches or blurry vision). But like I said, I was tested positive late in the game. Some mother's aren't. Part 02 will go into labor and the TMI things that go on when you're admitted into the hospital.

[aaallliiieee]

Idk processing some thoughts:

This post discusses dieting/body insecurities. Pls don't read this if you're gonna judge me!!! I just wanna share my feelings ok I know they're not great but whatever who cares. I don't have anyone to talk to irl about this stuff so I'm processing it here and if you don't like it just ignore me lol

So I'm kinda struggling with how I want to use this blog... for so many years I've just had a standard "thinspo" blog that I've always kept secret, used on and off through periods of dieting interspersed with periods of binge eating, but they kept getting deleted and so now I'm conflicted bc I'm 24 and I don't want to keep spreading toxic diet culture, but at the same time I've been steeped in toxic diet culture for so long that I feel like it's almost a hobby and it's like weirdly fun?? Which is fucked up lmao but I guess it's understandable bc my mom is 52 and she's been on and off different diets my entire life, she keeps saying things like "I've been on a diet since 8th grade" and is always starting a new diet for every vacation or upcoming event etc, so I guess I must've internalized it at some point bc I've also been dieting since 8th grade and always starting new diets for different seasons and holidays etc...

But anyway so now that it's summer and July is about to start and it's hot outside and there's not really anything else to do bc of the pandemic, part of me just wants to jump back into another diet and exercise plan, I don't really need to lose much weight but I can definitely be eating better and tone up some muscles, and my first instinct is to just go back to my standard format of blogging my weight and workouts every day, keeping a food log and eating as little as possible, focusing on mostly protein and veggies etc, but then I worry about how I'm being judged by all the anti-diet people on Tumblr now, and I tell myself I shouldn't be interacting with non-diet blogs while blogging about dieting, but I'm also kind of tired of the toxic diet content and I want to branch out into other health and wellness topics, and I wonder if I should even be blogging about my weight and diets at all or if I'm just being narcissistic and perpetuating this cycle of toxic diet culture under a blanket of ~health and wellness~ quotes/pictures...

I know I should actually be focusing on creating a healthy lifestyle for myself and figuring out how to have consistency this time, instead of just repeating the same diet-binge-diet cycle over and over... I want to be adding all these healthy habits into my lifestyle but I'm lacking the discipline and motivation to sustain it, and part of me feels like if I can just think it all out, I can create an ~optimized lifestyle plan~ that will take care of everything and I just need to follow the plan every day, but honestly I've created so many lists/goals for myself over the years and it only works for a few weeks before I fall off, so maybe it's just impossible to live up to such a regimented schedule like that for the long term? But it's not impossible for some people, and if I lived alone I could probably do it, but then I wonder like am I being a crazy wellness fanatic to be fantasizing about this ideal lifestyle where I live alone and only do healthy things lmao when really I should be thankful that I can share my life with such a nice man who loves me, and realistically what I need is to find balance between my wellness goals and my relationship and my social responsibilities and my artistic ambitions... I usually feel overwhelmed by the need to balance all of those aspects and instead of taking care of my responsibilities I waste so much time either watching TV to ignore everything, or just like sitting around on Tumblr/Pinterest fantasizing about a life where I don't have to do anything besides the art and wellness activities, and then when I decide "ok I'm gonna get my life together and take care of all these responsibilities" I usually just get sidetracked into an overly restrictive diet which just makes everything else even harder lmao but at least it's easy to see numerical progress on the scale every day... Other things aren't so easy to see progress and so it's easier to ignore them until they become a giant problem that's overwhelming to deal with...

The main problem is that I'm constantly overthinking everything and I'm stuck in my head all the time, instead of working towards making real meaningful progress on real meaningful goals, in a sustained effort over time... I'm not going to find what I'm looking for on Tumblr so idk why I keep coming back here thinking I'll find it this time... But I'm also lonely and I want to share my inner monologue with people bc it's like I'm living two separate lives, the outer surface and the inner suffering, and it's just hard bc I want to stop suffering inside but it's too hard to make all the changes at once and idk where to start... in the past I started with dieting which works for a little while but then I keep letting it go and starting over in a few months rather than continuing on to the next level lmao. And like I hit my GW 3 years ago and I've been mostly maintaining it this whole time so why can't I move on to the next level yet!!

So, this time the key is to not just get sucked into another restrictive diet under the guise of progress lol, this time I have to focus on something else like creating a habitual daily practice of exercise and meditating and creative work, hold myself accountable to doing it every day until it's second nature, and then once this is established add on the next goal, don't try to do it all at once bc we try that every time and it never works lol

Tldr I just really struggle with this whole human existence thing!!!! If you read this far tell me what you think I'm open to anything you wanna throw my way lol thx for letting me shout this into the void y'all ~

[yrpspiritsintheshadows]

Night of Rest

“So, got any plans tonight?”

Eiji blinked, looking to Chase with a confused look. He raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. I promised the boys we’d watch anime.” He grinned sheepishly. “Can’t do casework tonight, technically I’m still on “vacation”.”

“Ah, pity.” Chase leaned his head back. I

It was Eiji’s first day back at work since the whole incident with PROTEOME had begun. He had been hoping that he could get a small favor from the man.

He couldn’t blame his friend though. It had been an exhausting period of time and the boys still weren’t back in school yet. Eiji wanted to give them at least until their second therapy sessions before even broaching the idea.

“How are the kids holding up?”

Eiji took a bite of his food, a thoughtful look on his face.

“They’re still getting used to things. Hikaru is pretty timid still. He really has the worst of it. Hideki is coping as well as he can too.” He frowned. “I just want them happy. Gotta admit, I’m still not sure how well I’m handling this “dad to two teenagers” business when before the only milestones I was worrying about were lost teeth or if Ken drew on the wall.”

“I get ya. Didn’t think you’d be dealing with all that for at least another ten years?” 

He nodded, smiling a little.

“I don’t regret a single bit though. They’re great… They just need time to heal. I just hate that I can’t use up all my sick days to help Carmen out more with them.” 

“Yeah… Honestly, I’m glad for ya. Maybe we should do one big P.A.C.K vacation this year, eh?”

“Maybe… What are you gonna do tonight?”

Chase rubbed the back of his neck.

“I was gonna go for a free run off Reaper Road. Y’know, down by the pier?”

He nodded. He knew that area very well.

“Yep, that’s near where I go down to take the boys to therapy. You goin alone?”

“Probably. Lucian already said to not even dare ask this week.” He leaned his head back.

Eiji smirked, elbowing him.

“You ask Skyler?”

Chase stammered, elbowing him hard in return, his face going bright red.

“S-Shut up!” He hissed, his grey eyes looking around as if Skyler herself might be summoned by just her name. 

Eiji barked out a laugh, pointing at him.

“Y-Your face!” He gasped, throwing his head back. “AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“EIJI I SWEAR TO THE DIVINE-”

“Mm-hm.” He raised an eyebrow, a grin on his face. “She’s single still.”

“She… come on, we work together.” Chase fumbled with his hands. “What’d she even see in me?”

Eiji gave him a look.

“Enough to trust your bb gun wielding butt to protect her while breaking my kid out of a lab.” He quipped. 

They were alone, eating together in Chase’s classroom. No one to overhear their conversations.

Chase shrugged.

“I… I just wanted to keep her safe.” He drummed his fingers on his desk, an unsure look coming to his eyes. “Eiji, I don’t wanna ruin that.”

“She’s off tonight. She’ll need decompressing after a day of stressful stuff.” Eiji took a sip of his water, giving him a smirk. “Just, ask her. She’d love to go for a run I bet. I sure as heck ain’t going any time soon. Lucian would probably find a way to film every time ya nearly slip on a pebble-”

“Hush!”

“And I’m not teaching that to Hideki or Hikaru unless they want to. And even then, I already got enough trouble with Ken trying to learn. So, why not go for a lone run with Sky?” Eiji crossed his arms.

Chase gave him a look.

“You really are gunning for this, aren’t you?”

“If it gets you doing more than being driven home by her after investigations? Yeah.” He smiled gently. “Come on, we’ve been friends for how long?”

“Eh, over ten years…”

“And you were my best man at my wedding. So, now it’s my turn.” He grinned. “Gimme your phone.”

“What? Eiji, no way in heck-!”

Chase’s phone was sitting on the desk near his hand. Eiji lunged forward as Chase moved to try to stop him. It didn’t take much for Eiji to swipe the phone and run to the opposite end of the classroom.

“HA!”

“EIJI!-” He lowered his voice. “Eiji, give me that right now-”

Eiji was already thumbing through Chase’s phone, sliding past lock screen rather easily.

“Dude, change your passcode. It’s still your mom’s birthday.” He remarked. “Aaand found. Let’s see. “Hey, Sky. I’m going out tonight at 6 PM for a run on Reaper. You wanna come?” He said aloud as he typed, dodging Chase as he lunged for the device.

He tossed it back to him after he was done, a wicked grin on his face.

“I hate you.” Chas moaned, lowering his head.

“Dude, I’ve been trying to get you two together for over ten years. Drastic times, drastic measures!” 

Chase muttered a little, jumping as a response appeared.

“Sure! I’d really love that. Maybe we can hit up someplace to get a bite to eat after too? I’m gonna need it. - Sky”

“... Sh-She said yes. Eiji, what do I do!?”

“Say it.” Eiji leaned against him. “SAY IT!”

“Okay, okay!” He yelped.

“I’ll see you then. It’s a date.”

Chase was dumbfounded, while Eiji let out a cheer, strolling back for the rest of his food.

“FINALLY!!!!” 

“I can’t believe you did that to me.” He groaned. “I… That just happened?”

“Sure did! You got a date Chase!”

“I got a date… with Sky…”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

oooooo

Skyler pulled up near a medical supply warehouse. 

She looked around carefully before hurrying across the lot. 

It had been a long time since she had come this way to start off a good run.

Chase was waiting for her by the fire escape, the breeze blowing his hair around a bit.

“Hey.” He smiled, giving a wave. 

“Hey yourself. Been waiting long?” She asked, already starting to climb up. 

He followed right after her.

“Nope, just waiting for you.” He quickly found a handhold, pulling himself up and off the platform along the grooves in the wall. 

Skyler smirked, going quiet, focusing on getting up to the roof. With practiced ease, they were soon looking down at the street below them.

“Man, I can’t remember the last time we even did this without the others.” Skyler brushed her bangs out of her eyes, giving a small sigh. “And these need to get trimmed.”

Chase rummaged through his pocket, offering a hair clip. She gave him a grin, taking it, pinning her bangs out of her face.

“Well?”

“Perfect.”

 He moved backwards to the edge of the roof. 

Skyler joined his side, giving him a playful look.

“Ready?” She asked, already bouncing in place, eager for a running start. 

Eager to forget how long the day really had been.

“Born ready. One…”

“Two…”

They bolted off across the rooftop, their shoes kicking up gravel as the edge rapidly approached.

They leaped off the roof, leaping across as they landed with a roll to the next one, laughter bubbling up as they got up, dusting themselves off.

“YES!” Skyler laughed, shaking the pebbles off of her jacket. “C’mon, let’s keep going!”

Chase hurried after her, doing a front flip when he was close enough, giving her a confident grin.

“Show off.” She leapt onto the edge, walking along it before pulling herself up onto the second level of this particular building. 

It was the Geistville public library below them… but they didn’t care.

His stomach did a flip as he watched her. The breeze was gentle, but one wrong step…

He shook his head of those thoughts, hurrying after her. 

They darted to the edge, throwing themselves across. 

Each time was as heart stopping as the first. 

Skyler slowed to a stop, catching her breath. They were on a roof with several large pipes running across the top and above them. It was a free runner’s dream but for now, she needed a break.

“You okay?”

“Mm-hm. Just a little tired.” She smiled, moving to the edge, sitting on it. Chase joined her side, looking over the downtown area with her.

The pier was farther out but the sea was still visible, fog rolling in over the water. The noise of the city surrounding them.

He truly couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. 

“Sooo, Mr. History teacher… Tell me…” Skyler grinned. “What’s the history of this building right here?”

He had to look around to remind himself of where they were before nodding.

“This, is actually one of the first dress shops built here in Geistville. It was run by Jenny Crafton and her descendants for years. Still is. It was built in 1919 and had more added to it when they revamped the apartments above the store.” Chase recited, his eyes closing for a moment. He could picture it, the seamstress in her shop, masterfully putting together a client’s order, her shop bustling with activity.

“You think she’s still around?” Skyler leaned back, gazing up at the sky. Somehow, the lights of the city never caused enough light pollution to dim the stars beyond view. “Weaving stars maybe instead of fabric.”

“Who knows?” Chase followed her gaze. “We’ve seen a lot of weird stuff… To think, this all started cause the weird kid decided to start a paranormal club in the old Dungeons and Dragons club room.”

She giggled.

“It really was crazy. Now look at us. We’re all making names for ourselves, still doing investigations… still making time for that game too.” She smirked. “When’s the next night, huh?”

“Probably not for a while… I like this though.” Chase smiled softly, gazing at her a little. “Just hanging out with you. No one else.”

She nodded, sliding her hand across the ledge as he covered it with his own. 

For a little while, they didn’t speak. They just gazed out onto the city, savoring the sights and sounds… and each other’s presence.

“How’s the teacher gig going?” She asked after a bit.

Chase groaned in frustration, throwing his head back.

“That bad?” Skyler tilted her head.

“They. Won’t. Stop. Asking for free running lessons.” He seethed. 

Skyler bit her lip, her shoulders shaking.

He gave her a flat look.

“Oh, you are terrible.”

“I am.” She giggled, before moving away from the ledge, helping him up. “C’mon, Mr. Armati. Teach me a lesson right here.”

“... Oh, you are terrible.” He repeated, laughing a little as they ran off, darting across the pipes as small echoes were created from their footsteps.

This… this is different than other times.

When was the last time we even hung out by ourselves with no one around?

… Has it really been that long?

Chase stopped her after they had hopped down, a gentle look in his eyes.

“Hey, Sky…? How often would you wanna do this? Just us. No Eiji, no Lucian and definitely no nephews?”

Skyler hummed in thought, giving him a look of warmth back.

“I’d say pretty often… Honestly, this is what I needed, Chase.” She frowned. “Work… it’s hard sometimes. I can’t tell people what I do, past the basics of social worker.”

“You give voices to those even the rest of the world can’t hear.” 

“Yeah… and it’s a little daunting sometimes.” She crossed her arms. “I’m not gonna lie… today was a hard day.”

“Sky…” He frowned, bringing an arm around her. “I’m sorry.”

“Don���t be.” She brought her arms around him, causing him to freeze up. Sure, it wasn’t the first time they hugged but… he couldn't remember truthfully the last time SHE had initiated it out of the blue. 

She’s… She’s hugging me. Oh my gosh she’s hugging me.

He brought his arms around her, tighter. 

“You’re really warm.” She mumbled, keeping close.

“Yeah, kind of how I run.” He rested his head atop hers. “Is this okay?”

She nodded, sighing in content. 

I can always trust this dork with everything.

We… We really need to do this more.

“S-So… how about that dinner, huh?” She chuckled a bit, pulling back after a moment.

Chase nodded, noting how red her cheeks had gotten.

“S-Sure. Where do you wanna go?”

“Hm… That place on Memento Lane? The one that has the really good curly fries?”

“Race ya!” He took off before she could have a chance to say anything.

She was surprised before laughing, chasing after him.

“Get back here you dork!!!”

“Gotta catch me first!”

Oh just you wait.

He turned back to her, giving a smirk.

Her heart fluttered a little as she kept up the pace.

I think I’m gonna be sticking with you for awhile Chase.

[themjinterviews-blog]

48. Put your hands in the air and say hell yeah. Captain Jack! Johnny Depp!

What motivates you to do what you do? Sheer necessity, usually.

What was the weather like the last time you went out? Hot. It’s Arizona so it’s probably near 100 + sunny.

Do you go for walks often? I’m pretty lazy and try to avoid it. You sorta gotta trick me into walking, like take me to a big shopping mall or something so I inadvertently walk around it whilst shopping.

What color shirt are you wearing? Gray.

What is your favorite type of youtube video to watch? I don’t really watch any. I just use it to occasionally look up songs or to record snippets of stuff to remix songs.

Do you need any new clothes right now? I got plenty.

What’s the next project you are excited to start? I’m working on a nonsensical Adult Coloring Book featuring animals committing crimes.

Do you collect anything? If so, what? Used to collect rocks and Pokémon cards. I suppose in a sense I collect all sorts of art/office supplies.

^and if not, what would you like to collect? Nothing really.

What was the last disappointing thing that happened to you? I don’t know. Suppose work being closed for renovation for 2 weeks kinda sucks because I sort of need cash.

What is something God has healed you of? I don’t really do the whole God/Religion rigamarole... Chances are if we are healed of something, there is a psychological, sociological biological or generally rational explanation.

Have you ever experienced a miracle? Like, a phenomenal coincidence? I think as much as I hate to be a downer, there's probably a lot to do with our perceptions of events

What was the last thing you ate? Lucky Charms.

Do you ever eat food that’s intended for kids? Well, Lucky Charms. I also love pizza rolls and chicken nuggets. But I’m not eating Gerber Peas&Carrot baby foods or anything crazy like that.

What was the last stupid thing you did? Define “stupid”? Most things I do are probably stupid to others but perfectly acceptable to me.

Do you get embarrassed easily? Sometimes.

Are you wearing pants or shorts right now? I never wear shorts.

What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Elliot (this is also my pick for a boy name), Tara, Hazel.

Would you ever film a vlog of yourself giving birth? Ew. Fuck no. Honestly, adopting/fostering sounds way more my style anyway. To be totally frank, pregnancy sounds gross and being unable to take my adderall sounds awful. I’d gain like, a million pounds.

Do you like getting caught in the rain? It’s usually a refreshing break from the heat out here.

Do you think your hair looks best straight, wavy, or curly? Messy, or in a side-pony.

What was the last craft project you completed?: Coloring books for my friends’ kid.

Name 3 youtubers you would like to meet in person: I don’t know any.

Has anyone ever spread an untrue rumor about you? Sociopath ex. Not sure he actually said them aloud to people other than myself, but I was constantly being accused of weird stuff I absolutely did not do.

What’s one rumor you’ve heard about yourself, and is it true? N/A. No idea. Not aware of any relevant or applicable rumors. I literally just keep to myself and do crafts.

What color are your nails painted currently? Not painted.

Do you use a pill box? Jesus, I’m not 80.

List 3 people you know who were loving and then turned cold: it’s kind of generic to assume either of those things as permanent traits. But probably most flings or whatever. It always feels cold when one party loses interest.

Have you filmed a youtube video today? Never filmed one in my life.

Do you leave the house when you’re on your period? Um yes. Life doesn’t stop just because I have cramps.

^If not, why not? -

Have you ever felt threatened for your life? Yeah. Sociopath ex would get overtly paranoid and mistake harmless or unrelated things I did or said to be conspiracies against him. And occasionally my imaginary betrayals would lead to violent words or actions. Like, a bundle of index cards with Carrabba’s menu items and their ingredients, word for word, from the Carrabba’s menu, was somehow coded plots to who the fuck knows to have him killed. Irrational stuff like that.

What are you behind on? Student loans. And when I say behind, I really mean that I actively chose not to pay them.

Do you get enough sleep each night? No because night is my time to be productive, uninterrupted and without bothering anyone. I hate having to stop my thoughts just because other people are making noise or trying to converse with me.

Which did you like better: high school or college? Absolutely college.

Which year of your life stands out to you as the most significant so far? Probably last year or two.

…and why? Big personal transitions and revelations in my life philosophy.

What was the last store you shopped at? Walmart, most likely.

Do you have a favorite pharmacist? I used to back in NY. Her name was Evie. She wished a customer Happy Thanksgiving on Valentine’s Day accidentally once and it cracked me up and we had a running joke about it.

Do you have a favorite cashier at the grocery store? I don’t shop frequently enough and I switch up stores when I do.

What was the last thing you ordered at Starbucks? Probably a toffee nut Frappuccino.

What’s something you discovered recently?

What makes you more creative? Emotional turbulence, certain drugs.

What’s the last magical thing you experienced? Um…Magical? The herd of unicorns crossing the I-10.

What is the theme of your bedroom? None. We are staying in a spare room at a friend’s. But we're actually moving this week because being micromanaged and constantly scrutinized was getting old.

Have you ever lived in a dorm? Yes, for a few years

Who is someone whom you admire, and why? I guess the lady at work, Amanda. She’s like 64 and works open-close every day, and still has a great attitude.

When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? I don’t know. I test the waters every once in awhile.

Where would you like to travel to next? Nowhere crazy. Just back to New York for the Renaissance Faire.

If you could win three dream vacations to anywhere, where would you go? Portugal—New Zealand—Ireland.

Would you rather ride a camel or an elephant? Camel. They’re fuzzy.

Are you a free spirit? I don’t know what that even constitutes. I think outside the box and I question social conformity and other preset patterns of thought. But I don’t know that has much to do with my spirit.

Do you want to lose weight? I think I’m okay for now.

Which insects scare you, if any? They don’t scare me, they just creep me out …spiders, centipedes, millipedes, roaches…ugh.

Do you think it’s silly to be afraid of a tiny insect? It’s not like I think they’re going to murk me with a sawed off shot gun. I know they’re harmless and therefor not technically scary…but they’re still creepy and unsettling somehow.

Have you ever experienced paranoia? To some degree.

Have you ever hallucinated? Indeed.

Were you raised religious? We were raised Roman Catholic. Didn’t stick.

Have you ever been abused? Psychologically, emotionally, physically and sexually. #sociopathic ex.

Do you think the cops should do more about bullying? I think cops have enough shit to worry about as is and don’t know how effective extensive police interference would even be. I think the anti-bullying message is stronger when conveyed by people closer to kids like teachers, parents, siblings or a celebrity figure they idolize.

Is there a coffee shop you like better than Starbucks? I like them all about the same.

If you could afford to get your hair professionally done, what would you get? Probably dye and highlights. Definite trim of my bangs.

If you had a lot of money, do you think you would use it wisely? Absolutely not. I have little to no money now and I don’t even use *that* wisely.

Do you know any rich people who are very irresponsible? I don’t know many people to begin with.

List five careers that you’d like to have: Lawyer (like A.D.A. Barba!)...Graphic Designer...Psychologist...Self-Help writer...and oddly wouldn't mind being a waitress still.

List five far-out things that you’d like to do before you die: I genuinely do not have a bucket list. If I stumble upon something that seems cool, I do it. Making unrealistic lists won't help my quality of life very much.

Do you dream big? Quite the opposite. I sort of just fly by the seat of my pants. Weird expression. Can’t recall ever having very fixated dreams or visions for myself.

What was your first imaginary friend’s name? N/A

What was the name of the first pet that you loved? Comet. <3

What was the first work uniform that you had to wear? Waitress uniform of sorts. I wanna say it was white button down and black pants.

Do you like to go barefoot? Usually. On some surfaces it’s intolerable and I hate the texture, though.

Do you like the same colors now that you did as a kid? Pretty much.

Do you have a blog? You’re on it, buddy. This is a survey blog.

Do you have a youtube channel? What would I even post videos about?? I assure you, I do nothing that the general public would find entertaining.

[elledejavu]

Hi there! Today’s post is about another journaling challenge that I joined last January called Dare To Dream by Abbey Sy and Kaila of Rainbowholic, 2 lovely ladies that inspired me to start my own journal journey.

Here are the list of prompts for the challenge :

“The aim for this one is to prepare one’s mental state through journaling and visualizing. Setting goals is really important if you want to achieve a certain dream within a period of time. It is more fun and motivating if you have fellow online friends / community members who do the same … and that is why Abbey & I teamed up so we can all inspire each other through creative journaling & sharing through social media.” (Taken from Kaila’s Patreon site)

So without further ado here are my spreads for challenge! This time around I used my Hobonichi 2019 Avec~

📖 Prompt 1 : Title Page for the #dreamjournaling2019challenge

One of my main goals for 2019 is to have more artistic approach in my journals so I decided to do some doodles for the title page.

📖 Prompt 2 : My 2019 Journals

I have 6 active journals for this year ( I know it’s a lot 🤣). I am still planning to have an art and a monthly challenge journal as well so… xD

📒 Hobonichi A6 ( Avec) – Daily Memory Journal

📒 Hobonichi A5 (Cousin) – Personal Diary and Health Journal

📒 Bullet Journal – Trackers, Idea Dump , Main Goals, Wish List etc

📒 Schedule Book (Rilakkuma) – All sorts of appointments, schedules, and events

📒 Devotional Journal – Daily Bible Readings and Reflections

📒 Travel Journal (Riyadh) – My Life in Riyadh Record (highlights only)

📖 Prompt 3 : Mantra For The Year

I tried painting this time as my design and it’s also my first time painting this much in my Hobonichi. One thing that is really awesome about the Hobonichi is their paper (Tomoe River) as it can withstand watercolors.

📖 Prompt 4 : Top 5 Goals

I may have goals already in my Bullet Journal which is sorted in different categories (Career, Relationship, Family etc) but if I were to choose the top most of them all, here they are :

Definitely UK is my top priority goal of the year *crossesfinger*.

📖 Prompt 5 : Ways To Achieve My Goals (Promot 4)

As you can see I have common ways to achieve my goals because well, that’s the best route as for my case. Gotta work hard and earn hard to get chase those dreams!

📖 Prompt 6 : 3 New Activities To Try

I have been wanting to try digital art for the longest time but I just don’t have the proper tools to do so. Hopefully this year I can invest in some gadgets that could help me out practice digital arts. I have always admired bullet journals with such pretty calligraphy and lettering’s on it. It’s one of the reason actually that I also started having my own BuJo.

📖 Prompt 7 : Declaration(s) To The Universe

This was a bit scary page to make because of the theme that I decided on. Since the prompt says, “universe” I wanted to make a literal universe. The black watercolor was overwhelming for me because I am not quite good with blending yet but I guess it turned a bit okay somehow XD.

📖 Prompt 8 : Something Nee I learned This Week

I believe that the way I interpreted this prompt is a bit off and different from what the creator intended to but I just realized it when I’m done making the entire page. >.< Anyways, what I understood from this prompt was more like the things that I have learned for the past weeks. My reflections on the recent things that have happened in my life and things that I have done as well.

📖 Prompt 10 : Things I Love Doing

I personally skipped the #9 prompt because I wasn’t really interested with quarterly goals as I have already settled my goals on a monthly basis in my Bullet Journal.

For this prompt, I actually have more things that I love doing on my spare time but this are my top 4. This are also the things that have kept me busy for the past 4 months (my vacation in Philippines).

I must admit that I have gone a bit lazy on the last few remaining prompts of the challenge that I cramped all 4 prompts in one spread and also because I was technically running out of pages for my January.

📖 Prompt 11 : Self Affirmation Page

📖 Prompt 12 : Polaroid Washi Tape Page

I honestly wanted to make a bigger version of this one but as to no avail because I was already on my last 2 pages for January. So unfortunately I was able to make only 4 Polaroid washi tape.

📖 Prompt 13 : Savings Goal (Jar Illustration Page)

Another challenge that I am not sure if I made it right although I am guessing that I didn’t of course. The others that I saw in Instagram were more like an empty jar with a specific amounts that they will (probably) save for a certain goal. Although mine is basically the same (in thoughts) but what I did is more of the “jar illustration” part. Anyways it was really rushed so my bad ((´д｀)).

📖 Prompt 14 : MyTravel Bucket List (5 Cities)

At least I didn’t messed up this one (*ﾟﾛﾟ). My favorite that I made of all the 4 prompts that I cramped here. This are all my dream travel destinations! There are more of course~ but for now, this are my top 5!

📖 Prompt 15 : Art Page (Highlights of January 2019)

I have to be honest again, I wasn’t planning to make this prompt as well because like I said earlier I was on the last pages of my January already. Usually I would make a closing kinda spread for each month but unintentionally the way I made the page actually felt and looked like the #15 prompt so there you go. （・□・；）

I hope you enjoyed my simple spreads. There more prettier spreads in Instagram so if you wanna check them all out you can find them with the hashtag #dreamjournaling2019challenge and also with #ABC’sjournalingchallenge.

I am definitely looking forward for more journal challenges like this one because why not? It’s fun, inspiring and makes you more productive in journaling~

📖📖📖

Anyways thank you for your time and see you in my next post! Happy Journaling everyone _へ__(‾◡◝ )>

#dreamjournaling2019challenge : Dare To Dream Challenge by Abbey Sy and Kaila Hi there! Today’s post is about another journaling challenge that I joined last January called Dare To Dream by…

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #243

honestly too lazy to think up random song lyrics here, so just have the survey.

What is the one thing you remember most about January of last year? Nothing. You look at the clock and it’s 11:11, do you wish? I never do, no. How do you think you will look 3 years from now? I pray the fuck to god I'm finally at a weight I want. And of course more tattoos and piercings. And colored hair. What would be number one on your bucket list? Meet, thank, and hug Mark profusely while ugly crying. How old do you think you’ll be when you make your will? I don't know. You get a text message. who do you hope it is? Sara. Are there any songs that you hear that just make you wanna dance? Not really, no. Do you get any of your songs from Limewire? lol how old is this... but no. I did when it was "the thing," though. You and your best friend get in a fight. Why do you think that is? I don't know. Probably said something that came across wrong over a text. What is your biggest annoyance at the time? Financial shit. You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? Apologize to him if he's even okay with me speaking a word to him and then letting him on his way because I don't want to make him think I'm still stuck on him. I'd wanna know how things are in his life, but I don't want him to get the wrong impression. It'd be better for both of us. Have/are you depressed? I mean I'm diagnosed with depression, but it's well-managed. At the moment I'm not *depressed*, no. Did you grow up in the United States? Yeah. Never left it, even. Do you call anybody "baby"? Besides my cat and snake, no. Who is the one person you can completely be yourself around? Sara. Are your pop-ups blocked on your computer? Yeah. Do you wear earrings on a normal basis? No. How old were you when you realized that life goes on? I don't know... This is such a vague question. But I guess probably when a childhood cat disappeared or died sometime in elementary school. Are your parent’s night owls or morning birds? Well, I don't live with Dad, but Mom is a night owl more than a morning bird for sure. She can be so grouchy in the morning. Do you like to sing? Eh. Who is your favorite author? *shrugs* I don't read enough. How many pillows are on your bed? Two. What’s your favorite thing about the holidays? Seeing my niece and nephew so excited. What is your favorite type of cake? Red velvet, baby. How many rings do you wear on a day-to-day basis? One. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? Multiple times. Probably WOULDN'T have been multiple if the psych hospitals here were worth a damn. Went to the same one like five-six times and one other and both sucked. It was a partial hospitalization program, WHICH ISN'T AS "SERIOUS" AS AN ACTUAL FUCKING PSYCH HOSPITALIZATION, that saved my ass. What’s your favorite brand of flavored water? None. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you take birth control pills? Not anymore, no. I was only on them for serious period pain, but as of recently my psychiatrist wanted to test out how I do mood-wise without them, especially as it was a regular occurrence for me to be borderline or actually suicidal the day before my cycle started, and the whole week leading up to it was sketchy. So far, I've been fine - I think even better. I was on it for years, and I mean your body changes, so. Do you like soy sauce? Noooooo no no no. Do you have a good doctor? My psychiatrist is literally the reason I'm alive. That's no exaggeration. I would've killed myself by now if it wasn't for him setting my medicine right. I know I would've. My therapist is great, and my primary physician is fine. What’s your favorite store to browse around? Morph Market, ahaha. I love looking at all the reptile morphs, especially the ball pythons. Do you ever meditate on Scripture? No. Do you like poetry? Yes. Do you have expensive tastes? Nah. What is your favorite color? Pink, particularly lighter hues. Have you ever made a scrapbook? Yeah, for a little while when I was younger. What is a question you get asked too much? If my lip piercing hurt. It doesn't bother me, I'm just asked it most. Worst grade you’ve ever gotten? Zeros on things I didn't do/missed. Who are your 3 closest friends? Sara, Girt, and uh... Chelsea, I think. Maybe Lisa. What is something you have always wanted to do? Travel somewhere cool/really memorable. What are you listening to? A playthrough of The Last Guardian. God, I wanna play it so badly. Do you like the smell of cinnamon? It's one of my favorites, omg. Are you in a relationship? No. Do you like the band Hollywood Undead? Yeah. Do you like Taco Bell? Only the quesadillas, THE CINNABON DELIGHT THINGS, and fiesta potatoes. Who was the first person you spoke to today? My mom. Who was the last? I was just texting the woman who adopted Kaiju; she's catching me up on how she's doing, and apparently great! We're trying to plan a day for me to come see her. :> Have you told anyone you loved them today? Yeah. What song is stuck in your head right now? You mentioned HU, now "Bullet" is looping in my head lol. Does it snow where you live? Sometimes, but rarely a lot. What are you currently sitting/laying on? My bed. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? No. How old is your oldest living grandparent? 80-something. Do you wear contacts? No, I wear glasses, but I wish I could do contacts again considering I desperately want an undereye microdermal but it'd look stupid with glasses, so. Contacts just annoy me. Where are the last three places you went? Taco Bell, my doctor's appointment, and the gas station. Do you ever go hunting/fishing? I would never in my life hunt, and I don't even want to fish anymore. Both are cruel (hunting more than "cruel"...) imo. I'd only ever fish again if Dad asked me to go with him, because since I was a kid, that's always been our "thing," our bonding experience. I wouldn't be able to say no. Do you know anyone who is a nurse? A lot, actually. Would you prefer to own a lapdog or a bigger dog? Sigh. Didn't think I'd want a dog after Teddy, but as of very recently, I've found myself missing the companionship of one. I don't know if I'll end up with another, though, but if I do, I'd want a medium-sized one, like Teddy was. Are you more of a cat person? Yes. What is your worst subject? Math. Do you know anyone who plays guitar? Yeah. Do you play guitar? Not anymore. Have you had to have stitches at all in the last year? No. Have you ever stayed up all night and then gone to work in the morning? No. That sounds like hell. How many relationships have you been in so far this year? It's a week into January lmao. No. Do you prefer to be single or with someone? With someone. Though now that I am single, I kinda think that's for the better right now...? Eh idk. Do you have any tattoos? Yeah. Are you planning on getting any? Oh, plenty. My Mark tribute is getting tidied up by a great artist on the 4th next month and I CANNOT contain my excitement. Did you lose your virginity before you were sixteen? No. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No, and I never would. What are the middle names of everyone in your family? Wow yeah, lemme share that on the Internet. Where did you go the last time you took a vacation? The beach. Would you ever consider adoption? I don't want kids so like, Who is someone you aspire to be like? Man, there's a lot of people who inspire me in different ways. I think the world knows I look up to the wisdom, determination, dedication, creativity, compassion, etc. etc. etc. of Mark, I adore the heart and empathy of Shane Dawson, Steve Irwin is my absolute idol in terms of passion for animals, and Jeffree Star's work ethic is like, unbelievable. There are plenty others, but those really stand out. How do you feel about your life right now? oof What is your favorite game show to watch? Family Feud with Steve Harvey. He is so fuckin funny. How good are you in trivia games? What’s your best category? Idk. I'm probably best with animal knowledge though, judging from games I've played along with. Would you much rather test your knowledge or share opinions? I guess it depends on the subject and with whom. How do you feel about word games? Fun. Who is your absolute favorite film director? TIM BURTON. THERE IS NO COMPETITION W/ HIM. When’s the last time had to cover a coworker’s shift? Never. Have you ever had a really unreliable coworker? I've never worked long enough to know. Have you ever had to have a ring resized? No. What is a question you would never ever ask somebody? "I would never ask someone what they weigh." <<< This. I'm not a doctor, so I don't see any situation where that'd be an appropriate question to ask anyone. What sounds like a rude word but really isn’t? I'm sure there's something, but idk rn. Have you ever made a blanket? If so, how did you make one? No. How many godparents do you have? Do they care about you? Zero, I think. What is something that should not exist? Rape. Is there a word you have an emotional connection to? It sounds weird I'm sure, but "petrichor" (the smell of the earth after it rains) makes me feel... weird. Nostalgic, anxious, melancholy. Shortly before becoming a couple, Jason and I were just outside at school while it was raining, and we wondered what that smell was called. When we went back to the computer lab (where we were after exams were done), we looked it up and found out "petrichor" was the term. I remember those days too clearly for them to have happened eight years ago. How about a sound? Any emotional connection to a sound? Ummm not that I can think of. Is there something coming up that you are dreading? Not really, no. Do you ever read graphic novels? No. What is the most ridiculous product you have ever seen? Oh idk. Are there any spiders in your home right now? I mean realistically, probably? None that I know of. What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically? I can't remember exactly what it was, but something on YouTube. I think on Game Grumps. Are there any candy stores where you live? Not that I'm aware of. Do you own any fingerless gloves? Yeah, I still have them in my drawer, actually. I wore them every day in high school. Tell me about the last animal you touched. My cat Roman. :') Have you ever witnessed a birth? Only cats. Can you see your reflection from where you are sitting? No. Wait, yes I can, though only slightly. My snake's cage is just across the room, so I can see against the glass a bit. Quick! Sniff the air. What can you smell? Cat. .-. Have you ever been in a restroom that actually had a restroom attendant? No? What was the last photo you took of? A deer! There were like, seven or eight in the field just across the road a few evenings ago. My lens didn't go out as close as I'd want, but I took some as practice anyway. I only got a few shots though; I came out to the front porch, and after about a minute, they gradually went back into the woods. What do you look for in a mate? Physically and personality-wise. Am I the only one who hates when human couples are referred to as "mates"???? Idk man it shouldn't because we're just animals, but it's weird. ANYWAY, I don't have like, a concrete vision of a partner, but I do have some set-in-stone personality/moral alignments that are musts, such as just being a generally good person, empathetic, you must love animals or shoo, be in touch with their emotions, understanding, soft stuff like that. I also have a strong preference for having a good sense of humor, I lean more romantically towards outgoing people, you gotta be laid-back and approachable... that kind of stuff. Physically, I really, really don't care, but I think we all have preferences; ex., while it really doesn't matter to me ultimately, I tend to find longer hair on guys more attractive than short. Your thoughts on bacon? Ugh, I wish I didn't love it. I wanna be a vegetarian again so badly. What are your thoughts on little kids with cell phones? If they're of an age where they may be separated from their parents semi-regularly and without the constant presence of a guardian, I'm actually for them having *simple* cellphones. Emergencies exist, and even I, someone who doesn't even want kids, would be scared knowing my child is without an easy, quick method of contact with me. Now, remember I did say "simple" cellphones; I don't believe a little kid should grow up unhealthily attached to technology (like me lmao), so especially in developmental years, I wouldn't want my kid to be glued to their phone playing games or roaming the Internet too freely. What was the last lie you told? I'm not sure. Is there anyone in particular you always try to tune out? Ugh, yes. For political bullshit that I cannot stand hearing. Do you work out? No. What was the last thing you ate with a spoon?  Uhhhh probably oatmeal. What is a food that you always are in the mood to eat? Ice cream lmao. Ever held a newborn animal? Yeah. Is there anything you’re in denial about? What? Maybe, idk. Have you ever been to a Chinatown? No. Do you prefer chunky or creamy peanut butter? CREAMY. Don't come near me with chunky pb. Do you stop to pick up heads-up pennies? No. Do you make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? Yeah, even though I don't believe it does anything. It's just for the novelty of it. Do your pets have collars? Describe them: Bentley just has a blue, average collar. Roman doesn't because he absolutely hates them. What is the last thing you searched for online? Surveys. Do you use any scented lotions? What do they smell like? No. Do you have any friends that speak any languages you don’t understand? I mean yeah, Spanish is common in America.